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#love knowing that not only would my dad wish me dead but he'd probably do it himself if he knew i've dated a girl
feluka · 2 years
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Hiiiii, let me just say I love you writing!!!!! <3
Anyway my request is headcanons of Percy with a child of Erebus s/o. Erebus is the primordial god of darkness.
Like as a child of a primordial they’re extremely powerful and have like shadow powers. They also have really good night vision. They’re like super powerful at night because of all the darkness and a possible blessing of their step-mom Nyx.
Anyway have a good day/night :))))
⋆⭒˚.⋆ percy jackson x child of erebus! reader hcs
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content: percy jackson x child of erebus! reader hcs warning: none!! author's note: i know the pics are very feminine, but i tried my best to make this gn bc i noticed the 'child' instead of daughter!! i think i did it???? if you guys see any gendered terms, lemme know so i can fix it!! i know this is basically the daughter of nyx one i did but i like nightime escapades okay???? (im actually terrified of the dark and sleep with a nightlight at my grown ass age)
"and what do you think youre doing?" a voice questioned from behind percy, causing him to slip and fall from the brick wall he was just beginning to climb
"ow," he whined, resting a hand against his surely bruised ribs and attempting to look through the darkness at whoever scared him
"sorry! sometimes i forget other people can't see so well in the dark," you laughed lightly, holding your hand out to pull him back to his feet
percy took it, giving you a slightly grateful smile as he was back on his feet
"you must be y/n, then? erebus' kid?" percy questioned, dusking his sweatpants off, suddenly wishing he'd changed into better clothes like he vaguely thought to do
what kind of impression does blue food dye stained sweatpants give???
a bad one, surely.
"yup! the one and only, spooky master of the dark," you mocked all, dramatically, waving your hands around, which percy could just barely make out in the darkness
"great title. i personally go by lord of the seafoam but that's what my enemies call me," percy joked, enjoying your chuckles more than he thought he would
"and what do your friends call you?" you questioned with a tilt of your head.
"oh, also lord of the seafoam. or percy," he winked with a beaming smile that you didn't need night vision to see.
"well, lord of the seafoam, you never answered my question."
"hmm? OH! right, well, you see, my step dad mentioned something about a meteor shower tonight and i was trying to get to bunker nine to sit on the roof to watch it," percy explained with a shrug
"no way! me too! well, i was gonna use the half blood hill, but still!" you replied, bouncing on the balls of your feet in excitement
"actually, could i come with you? you know how leo is, probably still working in there and once he starts yapping, he never stops. i'd probably miss the whole thing," percy lied.
he knew leo was dead asleep and he gave percy a key to bunker nine just so he could watch the meteor shower
but was he really gonna pass up the opportunity to watch it with someone so dashing?? he's stupid, but not that stupid
"yeah, course! c'mon, i got snacks too!" you nodded, instantly, reaching forwards and grasping his wrist and dragging him towards half blood hill
percy was grateful you were leading the way for two reasons: one, he couldn't see for shit in this darkness, and two, it allowed him to hide his blush behind your back.
you'd already set up a place by what used to be thalia's tree, a blanket splayed out and snacks splattered on top
it was a perfect view over camp and of the sky, percy sure it would be difficult to miss the shower now
but, while you guys waited, you and percy couldn't seem to stop talking
the randomest and stupidest stuff
"aliens. yes or no?"
"obvi. hard yes."
"is cereal a soup?"
"technically yes, but i'd like to live in delusion that's it not."
"who do you think-" percy started but got cut off by your hands shooting out and wrapping around his arm
"look, look! it's starting!" you explained, pointing up at some streaking lights through the dark sky
you guys watched in silent awe for a while before percy leaned over to you, which wasn't much of a distance as you still clung to his arm
"why does a shooting star taste better than a comet?" he whispered, his eyes still on the sky
you squinted at him suspiciously but hummed in question
"It's a little meteor."
silence and then the cutest giggles percy's ever heard
"that's so chessy!" you managed to get out between your laughs, basically curled into percy's side
and his smile was beginning to hurt his cheeks
then a comfortable silence settled over the two once more, their eyes drawn back to the fireballs shooting through the sky
well, your eyes were
percy's eyes stayed on you, his blood rushing in his ears and his heart beating like a drum
then you caught him, out of the corner of your eye, biting your lip to keep your smile at bay
you were sure he didn't know you knew, your excellent night vision being the only reason you could see his eyes on you so clearly
then the final meteor flew by and percy started praying for just one more, not wanting the night to end
"this was fun...lord of the seafoam," you mocked, bumping your shoulder with his
percy laughed at the call back, but his heart wasn't in it
he knew this night would end and you guys would just be acquaintances, someone you just wave at as you pass on the way to your cabin, but never another conversation to be had
or that's what percy thought.
"of course, master of the darkness," he tried to joke, trying to hide his disappointment at the ending night, "any time-"
before he could get another mopey word out, you were shooting forwards, a kiss pressed firmly to his cheek
the words died on his tongue
"you know, i think the full moon is tomorrow. do you wanna-"
"yes. totally. let's do it," percy instantly cut in, shaking off your nearly paralyzing touch, the need to see you again enough to break him of any spell or prison.
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mamawasatesttube · 2 months
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Do you have thoughts on how kon would be as a big brother to Chris and Jon? I've read Chris and Jon's comics and I'm writing a thing with them but I want to have their big brother be part of their character/internal problem solving even if he doesn't (as of yet) appear. But I've only read yj and superboy is unfinished/on my tbr so I'm going to the Expert
(If you have any thoughts opinions on Kara's familial relationships you can include those as well)
OOH OOH YES DO I EVER!!!!!
every time i think about kon as a big brother i immediately think of sb94 annual #2, which opens on kon taking a kid flying for his birthday and joking about him being superboy jr., kind of like his little brother. then we move to cadmus, where it turns out the prototypical experiment #1 (whereas kon was #13) has awoken and escaped his containment pod. he fights kon briefly, believing himself to be/wanting to be the "real" superboy, but is injured and collapses in kon's arms afterwards. it turns out he's not stable outside the pod and is dying; despite kon's best efforts to get the cadmus doctors to save him, he only lasts another few minutes. i'm personally never ever getting over kon's face when it happens (right after they both find out their dna donor was paul westfield):
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SO!! with that being established backstory: i think kon would be soooo excited to be a big brother. he'd talk a big game and want the kids to think he's cool, and of course, he's a mega dork (he'd try to get them both into wendy, and if they didn't like it, he'd be offended). but imo, he's also gonna be so protective of them right off the bat, in large part because of poor clone #1. he's got a lot of feelings about people he's gotta protect, and little siblings are sooo high on that list.
one thing is that i don't think kon really thinks of clark as his dad. of course, it depends on the point in the timeline where you're really introducing chris and jon (because like kon was dead by the point of last son introducing chris, and fitting jon into new earth is always a fun puzzle), but (to be clear this is to an extent my hc also) by the time he's living with the kents, kon no longer wants superman to be his dad. i do think he does at first ("i wish i had parents" in sb94 #85 paired with how reactive he is about shooting down superman being his dad in sb94 #94), but when he moves in with the kents that dies down pretty fast. but he'd way rather the kids call him their big brother than, like, their uncle. that's so uncool (haha see, 'cuz uncle sounds kind of like uncool--aw, whatever)!!! it makes him sound so OLD!!!! he's not an uncle!!!
so overall i think it's like. he's a fun-loving and protective figure. they probably think he's So cool for a while, then get a little older and go oh wait. that's a dorklord. i do think jon throws one hell of a tantrum the day he finds out he's never gonna get ttk even if he grows into all the other kryptonian powers, though.
(i also hc that chris can get some weird funky powers other than ttk, not ttk itself, bc its like... kon is THE ttk guy, and thats a metagene designed to emulate kryptonian powers, so it feels a little weird to take something that specific and give it to another character who doesn't have any of the narrative reasons to need it. someone who knows more abt editorial please do correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm pretty sure they only gave chris ttk because prior to infinite crisis, the nightwing in new krypton shown to be using ttk was supposed to be kon, and was changed last-minute into chris.)
so like, he'd be a figure they can count on, someone they regard as always in their corner if they yell for him. he'll take the heat if they get in trouble (he spoils them. lois however has a very uncanny ability to tell if kon's taking the blame for something they did). i think as they grow older they might be like ...why's kon our brother but he doesn't live with us? and doesn't call our parents mom and dad? because kon stays with the kents but just hangs out with them all the time, and he calls clark and lois "clark and lois", and understanding that their family isn't nuclear might be a learning curve for them.
as for kara, i'll try and keep it brief bc this is already long i'm so sorry sdkhj but i generally operate in the realm of postcrisis kara, aka linda lang. she's roughly the same age as kon and she's got a Lot of feelings re: new krypton and her own guilt and her duty to her family, as well as whether she as supergirl can really measure up to superman. i love her. i think she would Adore having baby cousins because they mean her family is growing, after all the people she's lost. that said i think it's very possible she's a little awkward with kids because she just doesn't have that much experience with them. but i think she'd teach them to draw, and she'd really earnestly try with both of them. she'd LOVE to teach them about krypton, too.
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Some BSG finale thoughts from me regarding Lee and Kara (spoilers ahead after cut!)
I didn't mind the ending for the most part, but I am and will always be upset about Lee's ending. Like, at the end once they're on that new planet he ends up having no one left he cares about, which is so sad. Like he wants to explore the planet and all but I know that's something he'd probably like/want to experience with someone else or at least have someone to tell his experiences to. But no, Kara is dead, his father left with Laura, and Dee is also dead.
I wonder what his father did after Laura died because then he'd be alone too. He probably built that cabin she always talked about but he'd be lonely too, I'm sure.
Just like idk, your son has no one left, go back to him. Y'all both lost the loves of your life, bond over it, keep each other company while you grieve. Build a cabin together to commemorate both of them. That's just something I wish they would have done.
But yeah, it just makes me so sad to know that Lee has no one left he really cares about to be with on this new planet. No one to experience this new life with.
And that's part of why I'm so upset about Kara. I would be less upset about her ending if his father had stayed or even if Dee was still alive, but since neither was true, she was the last person he had left that he cared about and she had to leave him too. She was the last to leave him, which hurts so much, especially since I thought it was pretty obvious neither of them wanted that. While yes, she completed her journey by leading the humans to the planet, I don't think she wanted to leave. I think she wanted to stay to experience a fresh start too, I don't think she wanted to leave Lee behind, especially when they had also finally gotten to a point where they could have gotten together with no one standing in their way.
It also gets me when I watch the scene where she's saying goodbye to him, because despite her saying how she's completeled her journey and it feels good, she looks emotional, like she's going to cry, like she doesn't want to be telling him that she's leaving him too.
And while Lee accepts her disappearance and assures she won't be forgotten, memories of her will probably always stick with him and remind him of how he wishes she was still there. I can imagine he maybe makes a grave for her or some sort of memorial, and that he probably often speaks to the sky as if hoping to speak to her, that she can somehow hear him, sharing all his adventures he has to do alone.
He would definitely miss her and I'm sure if he could've had a choice he would have had her stay, for more than one reason. I can just imagine them flying raptors (or vipers, I'm not sure how many of those ships they kept on the planet) side by side as they explore the planet's surface, crossing oceans and forests as they chase each other and mess around, laughing over the radio.
But yeah, that is my BSG rant for the day. And don't get me wrong, I'm not unbearably upset about Kara's ending, just only because of how it affected Lee's. I do wish that she could have stayed and that they could have finally been happy together, or that at least his dad came back to comfort him for a while before he was just left alone with his grief. Like not only was he left alone, but he gets stuck alone with his grief and has to try and cope and comfort himself because he has no one to comfort him, no one to turn to that he knows well anymore.
It just makes me depressed everytime I think about his ending and how it could have been better for him by multiple different ways.
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the8thsphynx · 7 months
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SPHYNX I stalk you on Twitter too and I saw your post about how a lot of River is based on Kotetsu and I got compelled to ask you: what do you think it would be like if your Fate OCs were in the Tiger & Bunny universe?? How chaotic or how well do you think they'd work??
Hello
And oh jesus christ, this is the perfect question to trap me.
(long-ish post ahead)
You know, it's kind of funny. With them being mages and Heroic Spirits, I wouldn't be surprised if most people in Tiger and Bunny verse would just assume they're NEXTs. So they'd probably blend in well, but--
-River
Instant uncanny valley with Kotetsu and them being basically the same person (bc again, I based the guy off him.)
''And where did this other dog come from? Who is he???'
BUT, they click and become friends with no hesitation.
Also relating with the 'being in love with a long haired, tragic twunk with pretty green eyes'.
Also becomes bros with Antonio, resulting in the Kotetsu-Antonio-River three-way bromance of alcohol and partying and non-toxic masculinity.
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-Alt Alcides
Don't do that to Barnaby. Don't do that to Ryan. Don't to that to Keith. Don't put them in danger like that.
Maybe good for Ivan, Karina, Lara, and Pao Lin? Second Mom Figure.
It's Fucking Heracles™. The Hero of Heroes. The Champion of Legend. This is her Department. She invented the job.
'Oh wow, you have a dead spouse TOO? Wow that's so crazyyyyy.'
She's Going to Bully Everyone, Oh God Get Her Out of Here it'd be funny af tho, specifically she's going to upstage everyone in ways that are gonna land everyone a bonus therapy session.
Alcides thinks she's being friendly and sisterly, but actually she's lowering everyone's self-esteem exponentially.
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-Brier
No.
Would live to torment Yuri. Would find out he's Lunatic in like two seconds and exploit it.
'Hey girl, I got a ticket for doing 70 in the city for the work you fucked up on, and I need you to get me out of it, thanks bestiiiieeeee~'
Actually, because she's unhinged, she would just devote herself to finding the secret identities of everyone and would probably get it all in like one day. Because she hates not being to know anything, even if it's not her business... You know... assassin, and all that.
She's gonna Target Steal everyone. And be very annoying about it. Get her OUT.
...Actually if EMIYA is there then everyone stands a chance. Maybe. Let's put EMIYA in there for everyone's sake.
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-Fakkir
The only people she has any capacity to tolerate is Nathan and Yuri.
Finds out Yuri is Lunatic (courtesy of Brier) and has mad respect for him, just wishes his vetting system was a bit more fine tuned and that he wasn't going out of his way and wasting time to obstruct the heroes.
'I'm uncomfortable with how much the bull guy reminds me of my husband. Get him away from me.'
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-Adam
LOVES Antonio because of the fact that he reminds him of his dad.
Actually loves all of the heroes. Much to Fakkir's chagrin he even wants to join the Hero Academy, but his 'powers' (magecraft) is so niche in terms of superheroes that he'd have a rough time in most situations like Ivan.
He'll sneak off and get involved with the Heroes' missions, which ends up putting him in a lot of trouble, but he loves the adventure.
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thewriterowl · 1 year
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So I just finished reading Blooms for the first time...and man what a roller-coaster of feels to say the least.
I know this didn't happen, and wouldn't have happened but how would it go if after Luke killed Palpatine he went full on villain mode unwilling to listen to or trust his husband, and dad? If he had turned to them and told them that if they ever cross him again, Palpatine's death would look merciful in comparison to what he would do to them? With bright golden eyes and an emotionless expression.
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I will forever believe that he forgave everyone way too easily, and that nobody really had to do anything to get him back. That they didn't have to fight for him, and while I tried to see it from their perspective, and while yes I do understand why they felt the way they did and that they changed their minds...I have a strong belief that actions speak louder than words...and unfortunately their actions says to me that Luke isn't a priority to them, or at least a main one.
I mean his own father and husband decided to watch videos of Luke being tortured instead of rushing to his rescue, Like both of them would have undoubtedly have done for others. But no...they decided to wait, until Luke snapped. Only then did they hurry.
They all took him for granted again, and again assuming that since they changed their minds about him it should all be honkey dorey. He was treated like a second class citizen, literally nobody cared about him and I don't see many people trying to apologize to him either.
He didn't deserve any of that, and it's a shame that nobody is willing to put in much effort to make it right. And that they all just want Luke to just move on.
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So that leads to my next question...just how are the mandalorians going to make it right when they see Luke again? After all he did sacrifice himself for them despite them being so cruel to him.
Will they apologize or try to brush it off like it's nothing? Would they shower him with gifts? And give him flowers? Would the children hug him?
I'm really curious about how the citizens all feel about this whole situation, their consort sacrificed his life for them, and the next time they see him he's missing an arm and is unconscious.
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I did really enjoy the fic overall, I just wish that Din and Anakin had to grovel a bit, and work a bit before Luke was willing to give them a second chance. Cuase he definitely deserves to have someone fight for him. And truth be told, he deserves way better than anything they could ever hope to give him.
I'm sorry I just kinda want someone to yell at Anakin, and Din...hell all of Mandalor for being idiots, but nobody is going to do that, cause the only people who love Luke to that extent are all dead. Jeez....Luke really is all alone, only surround by the people who took him for granted and continued to hurt him.
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Hello! I am glad that you found Blooms and took the time read it! Sorry it took me so long to respond to your ask!
I just don't see Luke doing that. he wouldn't torture them or even threaten anything like that. Going Dark wouldn't mean he would've gone full blown evil. If he did go Sith, he would just reject them. He'd want to wipe hands clean of them like he was tempted to do in the end. If he had turned, there would've been no second chances. He would've just been done. He'd had no hope and no more affection to give or try to receive from them. Instead of hate, he'd done them worse by just turning off his emotions and being apathetic. He wouldn't bother to care any more. They wouldn't even be in his heart to hate.
To be fair, they literally couldn't leave--and that was a driving force in why they watched the videos. Both were emotional and about to go when they had to be reminded that if they do in the state they were in, they'd probably get Luke killed along with thousands, if not millions, of others. BUT, that is something that haunts them because of their power and skills they probably could've snuck off to start the mission a few hours earlier than what they did. They were stuck and they are haunted by that, as they should be. Luke did forgive them a little easy and part of that also really hurts them because he stole a bit of their power away. He decided what he wanted to do and gave them a line they can no longer cross or he's gone. The forgiveness was 100% for Luke, not for them. But they are willing to do whatever is necessary to help support him--they just need reminders that what they think is right or healthy may not be the case and may be more selfish of them.
I probably should've done more groveling. I 100% concede to that. It needed far more groveling over all. It's some of my favorite tropes and i didn't do enough of it. I will admit to that and apologize cause Luke deserved better. But Blooms could have more short-stories added to it in the future (like I did the sexy times fic) I wouldn't be opposed to that one day. Maybe another little story with a more focus on the others (Din and Anakin included) and it is more about them and what they need to do since the end of Blooms was more about Luke finding his own voice and comfort.
You're all good! You are more than welcomed here to share your thoughts and ideas and wants! it's always fun to hear about! And for Blooms, which has been completed for a while, it makes me excited to hear people finding it and having interest in it and sharing things about it is always super fun and exciting! I also agree with more groveling cause I made Luke suffer hard through Blooms, no lie lol
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majiburger · 8 months
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had a dream last night yet again about my friend who died two years ago and it really wrecked me so bad because when he was alive and we were in college he had a crush on me and insinuated that we should try a 'friends with benefits' type of a situation and the only reason i said no was because i was afraid i'd catch feelings for him and it would end badly for the both of us. and then covid happened and then he...died [he did not die of covid, he drowned, but we couldn't go to the funeral because of covid, and i didn't go to the wake when we came back to college because i had the worst fucking panic attack of my life that day and chickened out]
so last night, in my dream, we're together in my car, laughing like we always used to do, and then he puts his arm around me like he always used to do and dream!me goes "maybe i should give him a chance, how bad would it be, this could be good for us, he's my friend, i like him, we're happy" and then all of a sudden i'm driving, i cant get a handle on the traffic, and my car crashes. and he's gone. like not in the passenger's seat anymore. and then i wake up and he's actually gone. like he's not here anymore and i can't decide whether or not to give him a chance or make him happy even for a brief moment in his extremely young existence because he's dead. which is weird because i think i'm either completely aroace or probably bi, and i was having a sexuality crisis at the time too, but now i know that i wouldn't mind sleeping with someone if they were my friend and it's like. it's a little too late to have that realization because i really did like him as a friend and even if i wasn't into him romantically, the chance to connect with him and spend more time with him before he died would've definitely made me feel better than just thinking i'd see his stupid face once the virus situation gets under control and then just...not getting to do that. i miss him so much, i always thought we'd have the chance to go back and forth and play hard to get before eventually getting to it, and now i don't have my friend anymore, he's gone, and i never got to tell him i loved him a lot and i thought he was really funny and i always found it endearing how protective he'd get of me whenever i mentioned another guy in passing. he was the kind of guy who lit up a room, and i loved it when we sat together in class and he'd whisper in my ear the whole time because he knew i wanted to pay attention that day and he was determined not to let me. he was so mischievous, so good-hearted, so full of light, so quick to passion and anger when it came to causes he cared about, so easily driven to laughter. he was also so lonely, and i knew that but i liked to push him away sometimes just to see if he'd chase and he always would. he was like a puppy but at the end of the day he was just a guy, a guy who drove me up the wall sometimes with his opinions on the world cup and batman but we were so alike and we bonded so much about our single moms and our asshole dads and our raging competitiveness to be someone and do something. at the time of his death, he was working as a reporter with a local magazine and he was doing a lot of good work, and i just wish so much that he was here and that i could hold him and that i could apologize for keeping him at an arm's length when the truth is that he was on the verge of being one of my best friends but now we'll never have that because of covid and my own cowardice. and of course, the fucking lake he drowned in, when i was here, a long, long, long distance away, completely unaware that the time i had last spoken to him would be the last time i spoke to him.
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quiveringdeer · 1 year
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nat -- coming to you with some disheveled thoughts bc you have the best sexiest brain -- i was talkin with one of my other friends about canon-adjacent reiner with a secret marleyan s/o 🤔 specifically, reiner starting a family with them and how torn he'd be about having to keep his lil baby a secret 😩 i'm just here to yell into the void with you about this poor teddy bear man
Rory you are too kind to my brain. It is truly just a lump of mush that fires decent thoughts once in a blue moon but let's see here
I know we were all talkin in the server about exactly how much status becoming a Warrior gets you in Marley, and it doesn't seem like much so definitely would need to be a secret baby.
For stuff like this my brain always swings to someone who is either a doctor or scientists. I know it's definitely not always the case but being in such a profession makes me think that person might be more sympathetic to Eldians cause when things get right down to it, the only way they become "monsters" is through the tampering of Marley science and carrying on this legacy of the 9 through--if we're being frank--barbaric practices ((I've been thinking about the intricacies and ritualism of titan transfers though and would love to chat about that in another post/with peeps))
AAAAAANYWHO....
So maybe they're a medic or someone who's consistently in contact with Reiner and the other Shifters and candidates as their primary physician/researcher?? I feel like it'd need to be someone who'd be close enough to be around when they get sent out on the front lines of the Mid East War battles. It took four flippin years, and doesn't seem like the Shifters were used very often due to the heavy artillery.
I'm getting so in the weeds with this and not what you asked lol
But them spending so much time around Reiner, maybe in the interim after taking blood samples and waiting on test results to take more samples they strike up conversation with him? Maybe they're curious about what things were like over in Paradis, but from a like-- what kinds of plants do they have? Is their food similar? What do their schools teach in history ((cause like is it common knowledge that the king guy erased the memories of the folks on Paradis? I don't think so right? Like do the brass in Marley know? @erudianokabe @lemmetreatya yall are like my lore go tos))
But anywho, maybe it's refreshing for Rei to get to talk about what it's like there without having to focus on the people aspect too much. Or at least the people he knew. So he doesn't have to spend so much time balancing the lying and keeping up pretense?
In my canon adjacent insert au, YN is in a similar profession as above + knew Rei and everyone before they got shipped off. And part of what draws them closer together is they're around when Rei experiences a couple DID shifts that get triggered through some things ((I honestly need to do more research to feel comfy writing those but that's my thought))
But yeah, I think you're right it would be really really tough for Rei having to keep his child a secret. Cause hello, cycles repeating much. I think once knowing about said child he'd do everything he could to be their father short of them calling him their father? Ya know.
I don't think his self loathing and chronic depression egged on by shit tons of survivor's guilt would vanish cause of this new love in his life or their baby. Which sucks. Wish brains weren't so dumb and awful. But I think, he'd be trying to figure out how best to set them both up to be taken care of after his time is up in a couple years. Oh gosh. That'd be such a big thing for him too probably!!
I feel like the baby would definitely not be planned. Cause he wouldn't willingly want to bring a baby into the whole secrecy scenario, but also, then not even being able to be around as a surrogate dad in principle cause he'll be dead no matter what before they're even 8 years old would really crush him. :/
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Keefe and Sophie sleeping in the same house (not the same room Idk how they got in the same house without Grady murdering them but whatevs) and Keefe wakes up from a nightmare bout Cassius
Keefe having a nightmare bout his dad/mom and Sophie comforting him
Grouping these two together because it's mostly the same thing! Hope y'all don't mind!
What doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar.
Keefe had read that somewhere. Probably in one of the many boring books on his shelves, one of the better ones that he'd read a few times over, but that couldn't satisfy him anymore.
And it was a very true statement.
Lots of things had tried to kill him.
And everything had left scars.
From literal, physical deformities, long lines dragged over his arms, burns that had peeled away skin, things that Elwin couldn't fix, to mental scars. Things he could never run from, never look away from, because they were in his mind. Stuck there, haunting him, living inside of him, growing stronger with every moment.
They were his scars, and it was only when he looked hard that he could see them.
Or, you know, when his mind was finally allowed to rest, and the haunted broken nature of his collapsing mental health finally had its chance to dig its fingernails into the skin of his forehead.
That worked too.
At any rate, tonight was the night of such suffering, and as he lay on the bed in the guest room of the Ruewen's house, monsters made a nest inside of him.
It had been a lovely evening, in all honesty. There was safety at Havenfield, a kind of safety Keefe always wished there was.
But even safety itself cannot flee from the mind of a broken weapon.
He felt it coming, like you can feel the beginnings of an earthquake. The birds are silent and the dogs stop barking. That's how he felt, as he crawled into bed.
And sure enough, he fell asleep.
And the world tore itself apart.
He was ten, again. Or maybe he was still eighteen. Somewhere in there.
But he was smaller than he was, or maybe his father was bigger. His eyes were cold, barely there, looking at him like he was tiny, insignificant, unimportant, worthless.
Words were ricocheting around in his head, or maybe they echoed through the air, things like worthless, useless, why do you even exist, you shouldn't have been born, your mother was right, we should have gotten rid of you when we had the chance, I bet banishment would have made you a little more tolerable, at least we wouldn't have had to put up with you.
Keefe couldn't think, could only feel words that felt like big, rough hands, that felt like words shaking around in his head, that felt like glass cups hurled at walls, the glass cracking too close to his head, the shards scraping at his skin and his fingers aching as he picked up every piece.
Why can't you leave me alone?! He screamed, I never asked to be your son!
But you are, hissed the voice, that sounded like his mother pretending to be his father, where she stood over him in a Neverseen cloak, a knife in her hands and her eyes on fire, You will never stop being my son.
Keefe felt panic building in his chest, and he turned and ran, over buildings and under trees, around forests and his pulse was thick and bloody in his chest, stinging and humming like the buzz of a bumblebee. I'd rather be dead than be your son!
That can be arranged, Legacy.
And from the sky, shadows leapt down, streaking through his body like he was made of sand, like he was faded and broken and missing and the shadows dragged their teeth through him, his entire body screaming with the memory of pain--
Or was it real pain?
Was now the only now there was?
Was death the only way out?
Was this his last moment?
If it was, shouldn't he fight?
Shouldn't he try to stay alive?
Wasn't there something in his worthless life worth living for?
There had to be.
So, he screamed, loud, and the pain increased, and he wanted to forget himself, lose himself in a muddle of forgotten moments, forget this feeling, forget this day, forget every moment and every near death and every death he had ever lived and he pulled at the chains but the chains didn't move and his mother hissed in his ear, so close he could feel her hot breath through the endless shadow, The washer will be here soon.
And he bolted up, still screaming, his breath rasping in his chest like he couldn't feel the air pressing in on all sides of him.
His scream died in his throat.
He sat there, for a long moment, and swallowed.
He was alive.
The thought was alien, if a little disappointing.
His hands would not stop shaking. Phantom pain curled around him, like a blanket of black ice, and he wished he wasn't sweating.
There was a knock on his bedroom door. His body tensed.
He stood, and quietly walked over to it, expecting some monster to stand behind it.
He tried to steady his breathing for a moment, focusing on the memory that this was Havenfield, and that he was at least slightly safer here.
He opened the bedroom door.
There stood Sophie.
She looked up at him, her eyes with dark circles under them, her face pale in the soft night lights in the patterns of real stars above the hallway.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
He nodded, forcing a smile to his lips that he knew didn't reach his eyes.
"I heard you scream," she said, her voice gentle.
He swallowed, embarrassment clawing up his throat like bile. "I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again."
Sophie's face went sad. "I don't care about that," she said, softly. "I care about you. I wasn't asleep anyway."
He sighed, heavily, and then shrugged. "You wanna come in?"
She shrugged back. "If you'd like."
He nodded, a little, and she smiled at him. She sat on his bed. He sat next to her.
The heavy silence crept around them. His skin prickled with pain, and he hissed, wanting to scratch it all off.
"What was your dream about?"
Keefe snorted. "What do you think?"
Sophie kept looking at him. "We've lived through so much shit that it could have been anything. What was it, this time?"
Keefe swallowed, heavily. "My parents," he said.
Without another word, Sophie wrapped her arm around him, despite how sweaty he knew he was, and leaned her head against his shoulder.
A soft sort of feeling rushed over him, empty of color but full of heat, gentle and present.
He exhaled, softly.
She stayed there, hugging him.
"I said I'd rather die than be her son," his voice got a little clogged. "I meant it."
Sophie said nothing, but held onto him a bit tighter.
"She told me that it could be arranged. In my dad's voice. But it was her. And my dad's voice was in there too. He's louder. He yells. My mom doesn't yell. Dad gets all pushy, too. Mom just gets..." His breathing shook and chipped and cracked, and it took him a second to finish, "painful."
Sophie leaned her lips against his shoulder, and pressed a kiss there. The feeling filled some deep part of him, feeling like love and respect all at once.
"I wish I could forget it," he said, finally. "I thought that, at the end, and..."
He trailed off into silence.
Sophie let the silence hum for a moment, before asking, "And?"
"She said, right in my ear, "The washer will be here soon," he hissed, wincing. "Hell, if that doesn't open a jar of badness."
"You have a lot of memories that go with that."
"Too many. I think it must have been the marker for her to have them erase stuff. Because it's got so much shit attached to it." He winced. "I ever tell you she used to inject me with things? All the time. I didn't remember it. Stumbled across that a few years ago."
Sophie shook her head, gently, and leaned against him, trying to hold him together.
"She had the only time my dad hit me hard enough to leave a bruise erased too. I didn't remember that until last month. She was covering his tracks."
Sophie winced.
Keefe nodded. "Violent people do violent things," he said, quietly. "I just wish I wasn't related to violent people."
"You're not a violent person, though," Sophie said, softly.
Keefe shrugged. "I've wanted to hit my dad back, just as hard as he hit me, for a whole month."
"I think that's warranted," she answered. "It was only one time, right?"
"As far as I can remember," he half-growled, "And we all know how much my brain is a slice of swiss cheese."
Sophie giggled, just a little, and something inside of Keefe relaxed.
"Are you gonna sleep anymore, tonight?" she asked.
"If I take some knock-out drugs, sure. Otherwise, snowball's chance in Fintan's living room."
Sophie looked at him, for a moment. "You should talk to Elwin about those drugs, Keefe. You never look alright when you wake up after taking them."
Keefe hummed, but stood. "Wanna go sit in the living room and drink coffee?"
"It's three in the morning," she answered.
"That wasn't a no."
She stood up, with him, and held out her arm. "You're absolutely right. It was a yes. Let's go."
And that's how they wound up drinking cups of coffee in the living room, on Edaline's overstuffed couch, while watching Ten Things I Hate About You on the contraband television on an even more contraband DVD, alive and awake, at three in the morning.
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dairy-farmer · 2 years
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No because “sweet is the lullaby over your nest” was my personal favorite because of how gut wrenching it was. It was beautiful and the reactions to the reveal in the last chapter was my absolute favorite of how Bruce is torn between the father and Batman
I don’t think Tim will ever be able to get beyond chilly civility with Jason and probably would never let him near his baby
Jason being the thing he hates and I wanted his blood and complete devastation throughout the entire fic. I don’t think the family will ever be able to fully forgive him
Dick trying to be a better brother and he has doubts but never wanting to acknowledge them trying to believe in the best of his brothers then when the truth comes out tries to protect Tim picking a side.
But my favorite was Barbara because she was to closest to the truth the outsider looking in and seeing Tim’s perspective not caring that Bruce is trying to be blind to the worst but correct conclusion. The fact that she also point of Jason’s hypocrisy over his actions against Tim was refreshing seeing how everyone else tries to brush it off as the past. She was the one who warned Bruce against his actions
The ending the cliff hanger of what would be the family’s reaction be how they would be able to move on from this revaluation Bruce falling apart was perfection
Favorite piquancy fic
thank you!!!! wow!! thank you so much i'm so happy you liked it!!!! it means a lot to hear your kind words 🥰🥰🥰
and yeah you're right, in terms of how it plays out in the future it's a very very very slim chance of tim and jason ever getting to a point where they can be somewhat civil. i think the only thing that would push tim to treat jason with some amiability is once danny grows up and starts asking questions. even then tim will not tell danny that jason is his father and if he ever asks he'll just say something like 'dad is out of the picture but it's okay because momma loves you more than there are stars in the sky'. jason is completely out of the picture. he doesnt come to danny's soccer games, to his first day of school, his graduation, him going off to college. he gets none of that out of a mix of tim not wanting him there and jason not wanting to disrespect tim's wishes because he's the bad guy here, he's not owed anything much less from tim.
tim is willing to compromise for the job. he'll work with jason if he has to but not when it comes to danny which he absolutely draws the line. jason is dead to him on that end and the family quickly learns that if they're not okay with that, then they'll be dead to tim too. it's a tense situation, a very walking on eggshells thing. everyone know that if its going to work they're going to have to deal with all the ugly parts. jason's guilt and feeling of injustice would definitely hit him hard because it's not just him learning about what he did while under the influence of the pit, it's seeing the results. the disgust and sickness he feels is indescribable and it makes him want to cry and it makes him want to throw up.
he's not that person he isn't, and he tells himself that everyday for weeks afterward because he's in a haze and in denial and telling himself that even at his lowest, at his angriest- he'd have never done that. but the truth is that he did (the evidence is right there). it was with the influence of the pit but he still did it. something inside him had the potential to do that and he acted on it and he's never wanted to rip his skin off more, he's never wished that he'd stayed dead more. he hates himself because he's trying to rationalize it, justify it just like those pigs who have one too many drinks at the bar and then go home and touch their daughters. 'oh it was the pit! i'm not me when i have too much devil juice in me!'
jason despises himself, he can't look at himself because it was still him. maybe a bit twisted and carved up but it was his hands, his face, his mind. it was him. all him. he did it.
i didn't delve into it much but the amount grief, the hatred, the realization it definitely send jason into a spiral which makes him feel worse because what if he does it to someone else someone innoce-(tim was innocent tim was innocent how could he have ever thought he wasn't?). given his tenuous connection to the family, the only person i can imagine him reaching out to for support to is roy. telling him what he learned, what he did. roy has a lot of experience with the feelings that jason must be feeling and i think he'd help him a lot coming to terms with the guilt, accepting what he did, and knowing that he could spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he did and even then neither he or tim may ever forgive him. he has to play it by ear, because up until that point tim had told no one about danny (had he though jason would hurt the kid if he knew? and the thought just sends jason down a whole other path of self flagellation).
i don't think jason ever forgives himself. i think tim learns to live, learns to accept what happened and try to move past it with his baby- he regresses, has bad days where it feels fresh but most days he has are happy. but jason never forgives himself for not remembering, for not being able to ever truly know what he did (because he won't ask tim, he will not put him in that position).
bruce i think is similar to jason in which he never truly forgives himself for not seeing, for failing tim, for failing jason. it all comes back to him that if he'd found jason sooner, if he'd just been better then tim wouldn't have gotten hurt and jason wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that he did what he did.
dick also has a hard time processing but ultimatly decide to lend as much support as he can to tim. that's who he is worried about more. (it's a bit cruel, tragic even that jason is suffering so horribly but isn't determined to be someone who deserves support or aid but like i said this is a really bad situation for everyone). a commenter on the fic had said they hope that dick ends up as a sort of fill-in dad for danny and i think this is how it would play out somewhat. dick is there when tim can't be, dick tries to put in the effort and earn back the trust he knows he's lost after all that happened.
barbara is definitely someone who deserves a lot of credit. i think if she'd been present after titan's tower she would've picked up on something. bruce and dick were chasing after jason but she'd always been an in-the-moment thinker and i think she would've seen something in tim that got her concerned. when she learns about what happened i think she'd be sad, because it's a horrible situation and as much as she'd expressed some annoyance with jason for his comments in the cave she'd feel bad for him. because she knows he's not a horrible person but he still did this horrible thing (not in his right mind and that's a slipper slope to be on, justifying vs taking accountability. blaming vs being blameless. at fault vs innocent). it's a massive gray area of justice and since they all work in pursuit of justice it would definitely be difficult. she feels for jason and for tim and all she can do is try to to be there and help pick up the pieces.
danny i think figures it out years down the line when he's much much much older. from there i think he makes the decision of wanting to reach out and see who jason is or to stay and remain content with the mother who cared for and loved him despite how he was conceived. how that turns out though wel...ill leave it up for interpretation.
thank you so much for your kind words!!!! it means a lot to hear that this was your favorite fic !!! 🥰🥰🥰
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mimimariet · 3 months
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Vent art.
At least that's the truest thing my ex ever said lmao.
This is.. long. And not all of it. But just some of the important things I feel like sharing.
Being in love really does just blind you from all the red flags your partner displays. My friends hated him. They also witnessed the abuse and I was just like "oh nah this is normal he's always like this! He means well, he's such a sweetie! He loves me!" Meanwhile I'm getting emotionally abused and neglected being absolutely blinded.. I said yes to marrying this dude. I'm embarrassed.  And it's gonna take me so long to recover from the mental damage. "I talk to everyone the same way I talk to you!" and I have people saying "uh, no?"
 "I don't want to be perceived as a bad person!" and then treats me like shit behind closed doors. 
Every single time I cleaned he shat on me about it "You call this clean, Marie? This is disgusting. If you're gonna clean dishes, just don't. Stick to the easy things." He sent me voice clips to intimidate me. I told him I wanted a ukulele and he sent me like 10 minutes of voice clips saying "no you waste your money Marie you don't use the shit you ever buy for yourself!" and then at the same time "It's your money you can do as you please I don't care what you buy but I know you're not gonna use it."  I'll never be able to forget the cruel words and way he treated me. I can probably heal from it, and I could wish him dead. I would love to see him get the help he needs but that's a damn joke.  "My mom was right, we're not financially compatible. She always said "wine taste but beer money."" The end of our relationship being a "trial run, welcome to a real relationship, Marie. This is what it's like." and then taking a dig at.. my upbringing? My family?? How I was raised?? "I never once gaslit you Marie. I never once made you feel like you were crazy."
"It's not you, it's me." and then blaming me for "bad timing" anytime he wanted to do anything with me when I was in a depressive episode from something HE would always cause. He never wanted to leave the house. He promised me all these things we'd do when I'd move all the way from Florida to bumfuck Illinois. I don't hate where I live. I hate that I got lied to that things would be different. "You can heal in the environment you got sick in" and then just made me sicker. The engagement ring he got me didn't fit. It was his idea to get me a new one. Who paid for it? My credit card. It took him 2 years to pay me back the $375 that was spent on it. 2 YEARS. He made me feel so undesirable.  "Marie it really hurts ME when you say you're unattractive, cause you are. You're fucking gorgeous!" and then proceeds to never touch me. Lol. A whole year without intimacy. Only recently had it dawned on me just how manipulative he was. "I was gonna ask for sexy times but you're upset so maybe another time." It happened EVERY time I was down in the dumps. He said "I dunno if it's you or me who has bad timing." Go to hell. There's another thing I could say but that's his problem that I won't just share to the public. But even then, he never did anything he said he'd do to resolve that. More lies, anything to keep me with him. "You need to learn how to cope." he said to me when we haven't had alone time in months and I was upset about it. 
There was a segment in the H3 Podcast where they announced looking for artists for Teddy Fresh. He told me about it and said I should apply. I asked later about my resume and he said "Oh.. I didn't think you'd actually do it. I dunno." Very supportive partner he was! 
"When you're in Illinois we're gonna get you health insurance, we're gonna get you a car and your license" and then "I suck as a teacher, my dad's gonna teach you." and he handled all my medical stuff. When I transferred to Circle K up here I had to quit, cause management was super toxic.  We worked at the same store and the manager would tell him how she was going to fire me cause I was an awful employee. So I sought out a new job.. and during that.. "You're gonna get your GED Marie!" and he brings home a math book to go over fractions with me. "I don't want to get my GED." "Well how are you going to get a better job??" and when I ended things, YES I ENDED THINGS IT WAS NOT MUTUAL. "Maybe I didn't push you (for the GED) hard enough or maybe I pushed you too hard.." is what he had to say.
I owned a lot of clothes. He bitched at me when I first moved here and said "You were supposed to DOWNSIZE Marie! I just had surgery, my grandpa has a bad hip and this is too much shit!" and so I got rid of my stuff. "I never wanted you to get rid of your stuff, I know you love clothes and stuff" or whatever he said to me post breakup. Are you kidding me?! "I have so much anxiety Marie! I'm a minimalist! This is too much!"
We never went out and kept the love alive. We'd go out to dinner and I'd mostly pay and I guess to him that was emasculating? "I hate that you always have to pay. How do you think that makes me feel as a partner that can't pay for dinner for his wife??" "It's okay I don't mind paying." "I know you don't." We went out I could probably count on my fingers the times.. Cause "it hurts to drive long distances Marie. I never feel good. I don't have the spoons, Marie. My legs hurt when I drive too long. I have anxiety." 
"Why not get help for your anxiety?" "I don't like the way the medication makes me feel!!! Stop asking me. It pisses me off."
Turns out he had "emergency" anti-anxiety meds for a program at his job. No anxiety meds for Chicago, though.
"I'd take a bullet for you, but not go to Chicago. I'd go to PEORIA, but NOT Chicago." For internalized racism reasons as I learned. I get it, black people are sooOoOoOoOOoo scary. They're rare where we live. It's so fucking WHITE in this town! I was told I was going to get TRAFFICKED if I walked by myself at night time. Cause "You're rare, you're Puerto Rican. You'd go for a lot of money. Hahaha." What partner says that? Oh yeah, him. I hope he never gets into another relationship. For the sake of the girl. Try to understand, this was a once in a lifetime event. I won a spot in Kesha's listening party in Chicago. I sobbed I cried I choked on my own spit begging him to go with him. He has NO experience in Chicago so he says "well according to x who lives there, depending on the area, it's BAD. Chicago's BAD." I understood that the timing sucked, the event was on Mother's Day. Y'know, a holiday I don't believe should be a big deal if you truly love your mother every day should be Mother's Day. Also Kesha was there. I got to meet her. A photo with her. I was able to talk to her. I wanted to find out if her PO Box was still available but he rushed me to leave "Marie my blood sugar is super low I'm gonna throw up we HAVE to leave I HAVE TO EAT. Marie come on. Get the LYFT. I don't feel good." at the end of the trip, after the deep dish pizza and the nice hotel, he suggested we take time off to visit Chicago again.. to see more things.. Mind you we argued prior about even going in the first place..?  
I have him blocked, but I archived our messenger messages. That includes all the voice clips. I don't know why that was his go to. He also has a smart phone with voice to text, but as I said, he used voice messages to intimidate me. It'd be 5 minutes at a time of just voice clips that could've been a text. "It's just faster than typing, sometimes it hurts to type." I'm disabled, too.. I get it.. but he merely did it so he could raise his voice and have a shitty tone with me. All. the time. If I were a truly evil person those voice clips would see the public. I'm only a little evil with telling my story here. I guess.
I mentioned the tone issue several times and had to eventually give up cause "I talk to everyone the way I talk to you. My mom, my sister, my friends." but I never witnessed that. His mother, yes. Not his friends, though. He'd say to me anytime I'd get upset, "I'm quite literally tone deaf, Marie." "Well you don't talk to your patrons the way you talk to me??" He had to tell me that he comes home to unwind, cause he puts up that fake customer service personality. Where was the good boyfriend personality? He told me anytime that I was acting distant he was quietly sobbing in the bedroom alone. He was so worried about me and our relationship.. But proceeded to do nothing about it. I was merely his property. Someone to demean and control. He couldn't though. I'm no ones property. Sorry! 
In June we adopted Gold. She's forever a kitten at heart. Callie hated her, as expected with a new animal in the house. Callie was hostile. Isaac said he was going to give up and we'd have to return Gold cause it wasn't working out. He sobbed on Facebook asking for reassurance and then bitched at me saying how I wasn't reassuring him. Sir, you got that on Facebook. You're standing here yelling at me about the cats not getting along. Why would I want to respond to that? I was sobbing on the floor with Gold rubbing all over me. But it was my fault I wasn't comforting the man yelling at me. Meanwhile another mutual of ours prior to all this had also adopted a new cat and the original cat was doing the same shit. Everything he'd say in confidence to me, but never the people he spoke shit about by the way.  "I got you this cat to make YOU happy. I mean yeah I wanted another cat, too.." 
For my birthday all I asked for was an Icee. "I forgot."  He came home with flowers and candy, but i was coming to greet him at the door and he yelled at me "DON'T LOOK. STOP. LEAVE." to surprise me with what he got. Which I would get but that's how he usually "spoke" to me. 
"Despite my short comings, I do pretty good right?!" with candy, a ghost plushie, and flowers. "I'll get you an Icee tomorrow." It was 2 days later.  Which sounds petty but when that's all you ask for and get told "Oh I forgot." as if I'm not known for being the Icee Queen of the last 20 years of my online presence. 
"I don't want to be perceived as a bad person." The simple solution is to be a good person? He would say "your mom is nice, but she's not kind." He was also indirectly describing himself anytime he said that. 
There were a few times when he'd be in a bad mood and completely shut down, refusing to talk to me. He'd isolate, but I was never allowed to do that. Cause as he said before, word for word "you need to learn how to cope." 
"You say I need therapy but what about you!?" 
"Didn't you tell me you were doing behavioral stuff for BPD??"
Just turned back to me "but you need therapy, too, Marie!!"
It's weird to remember him saying we'd need couples therapy before we ever got married. Was he foreshadowing things? Was he actually aware of the problems? Or was it just me? I had the problems, there was nothing wrong with him. 
I rarely argued back at this man. There was one moment I was having issues with my ebay account and bank being linked together. As he's going off on me about how the bank does this weird shit all while opening my mail and reading me what was in it. I think that was the only time I snapped at him. I said "DON'T. OPEN. MY MAIL." and it stuck to him.. but not permanently. He opened mail addressed to me from my aunt. Gifts. I was in the other room and he's opening and spoiling the surprise. And then telling me "we can't use these bed sheets with the pillow topper. We'll have to donate them." Any gifts I got that are no longer in my possession was not up to me. I barely had any say in what we did as a couple.
"Our parents are gonna move to Florida and we'll get the house! But (his brother) will still be living in the basement." I wasn't okay with that. "We don't have much of a choice Marie. We can't afford that house on our own. He'd be splitting rent with us." I didn't want another person living in the basement if we were a married couple.. y'know, I'd like whatever imaginary privacy together. "He keeps to himself we won't even know he's there half the time." It was a "too bad" situation that I had no say. 
I want my own house. "With peace and love, good luck getting a house with the housing market." Going to prove him wrong while he still lives in his parents basement. "I'm gonna save up and get a studio apartment." 
"You can keep the promise ring. Cause I will always love you." I'm unsure what to do with it, as I still have it in my possession. "We'll always be best friends." I don't want to be best friends with an abuser. Emotional abuse is still abuse. It's fucked with my brain. I was mistreated so much by friends and family. I didn't deserve any of this.  "I fucked up. You deserved better." Is the truest shit he's ever said to me. I doubt he ever loved me. He just loved the idea of having someone put up with him. He knew he was unbearable. Blame it on his ADHD or whatever. I don't have the full story, but I do remember his ex girlfriend saying he was abusive, too. I only knew of what he'd tell me.  And that she hated me haha. I didn't push or question it, but now I've lived it. Almost 5 years of a "trial run" relationship. "You've never been in an actual relationship, so congrats. This was the trial run! This is what it's like to live with someone!"  
Then there was my doctors appointment. The stress had my A1C at a 6.6. My doctor said she could see the light fade from my eyes. I told Isaac what was said. He was just quiet about it. He knew he was the problem. He just had nothing to say. And the stress was the main factor. My A1C now is 6.2 5 months post breakup. So uh. Yeah. Plus probably from cutting out the amount of rice as this man only knew how to make rice dishes. 
Speaking of dishes, I'd try and learn recipes. I'd make meals and I'd offer him some food to sample. I wanted to grow as a cook as I'm just a beginner and he always makes meals. Most of the time he refused and would say "I can't force myself to eat something I don't want, Marie. I'll throw up. I will literally throw it up." Instead of anything normal like just trying a bite or saying "no thanks I'm not hungry." It had to be "If I'm not hungry for it I will get sick!" He was.. overdramatic a good chunk of our relationship. I remember being in Florida while we were still long distance, I mentioned Dominoes cause the store was closed and I was ordering food. He mentioned him having an eating disorder when I said he needed to try my favorite thing from there, the garlic parm bites. It was a voice clip as you'd expect over messenger. That "I can't eat something I don't want, I will puke it up. I have an eating disorder." I don't know how true that is. Him having an ED. A lot of the time I just got quiet and gave up. There was no point in talking to him when he would shut down like this.
The final straw was me falling in love with someone else. I wanted to attempt polyamory but "those lips are mine. And that pussy is mine." He also gave up once he realized I fell for someone else. I even told him the day I was questioning my feelings and he thanked me for being honest. But then he questioned if I cheated on him during that time. I'm sure his friends and family got a different story. His dad says polyamory is cheating. His mom scolded him for getting into a relationship with someone whos polyamorous. No fault of mine, he knew this before we got together. I was in a poly with my ex overseas and a girl of 3 months. More toxicity there! I just love red flags!
So there I am. Just vibing in a field of red flags. Cause they're just so charming. And I'm a fool. But I'll get better. I just don't know how long that'll take me. He is still haunting me in my dreams. I never want to see him or his family again. 
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auraunbound · 8 months
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The Passing of Fortune
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Streets of Vacuo, 20 years prior to the Fall of Beacon:
This was almost certainly the most difficult moment of Boone Bailey's life. Just a week prior he was on top of the world. Finally a big shot Huntsman with a beautiful woman at his side and a baby on the way.
Lady Luck sure picked a hell of a time to collect her due, huh?
Losing Nelly had broken something in him, something he didn't know could be broken until now. He was trying his hardest to hold on, for his daughter's sake, but as many monsters as he'd slain, this was something he didn't have the strength for. Not without Nelly. Not now.
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He made sure the girl was bundled up tight. Maybe it was a cliche, but the basket he carried her in happened to be the most comfortable thing on hand. She was sound asleep. Probably the most asleep she'd been since she was born. That was good, it'd make this a hell of a lot easier.
He stopped in front of the orphanage. The streets were completely dead, not even so much as a rat scurrying about. Made sense with how late it was. The only witness to his deed would be the shattered moon. Tenderly, he placed the basket down, taking one last opportunity to look at the girl.
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"I'm sorry baby," he whispered, knowing fully well that the child wouldn't know what he was saying even if she were awake to hear it. No, this was for him. "I really wish it didn't have to be like this. Hell, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I know this ain't the best place to grow up, but it'll be better than stickin' around with me. I'd probably end up bein' the shittiest dad around without your mama."
Kneeling next to the basket, he simply watched her for a few moments. She was so peaceful, completely unaware of what was occurring. The sweet, unburdened innocence he was letting slip away from him. It wasn't too late to change his mind, but he knew he couldn't do that to the poor girl. She at least deserved the chance at a better life than he could provide. Wearily, he forced a smile.
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"You have her eyes, you know that?" It was a sappy line, and he felt his eyes watering a bit as it came out. The Huntsman raised a hand to wipe at the tears behind his shades. "I got a feelin' you're gonna be just like her one day. Got my word on that one. At the very least, I know wherever you end up, you'll do her proud. Do us both proud. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day."
He leaned down to kiss the baby on the forehead, gently, so as to not disturb her slumber. After which, he slipped the note into the basket with her. Already written up, just a simple message to the staff, and gift for his little girl. Then he stood, taking another look down at his daughter. Was this really the best he could offer, just passing her along to someone else? Honestly, in that moment, Boone wasn't sure. All he knew was the best didn't lie with him.
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"Take care of yourself, baby. And please, don't be too hard on your new folks. Whoever they end up bein', I'm sure they're gonna love you as much as I do."
With that final goodbye, he turned to take his leave. He made it a few blocks away when he heard the sound of crying carry out over the streets. Glancing back, he saw a window in the orphanage light up. Once again, he forced a smile, sniffing as he tried to hold back the tears.
....
...
..
.
Shade Academy, Team DAWN dorm room, 3 years prior to the Fall of Beacon:
Caitlyn Nash lay on her bed, absentmindedly turning over the black poker chip in her hand. Her life had changed so much in the past few days, and her acceptance to Shade had given her little time to process the new information she'd been given just before her departure from the orphanage she'd called home these past seventeen years.
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"Are you going to stare at that thing all day, or are you going to unpack?" her teammate interrupted. Alecto, that was her name right? Honestly, Caitlyn was pretty bad with names, and having only met these people yesterday hadn't made learning them any easier.
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"Unpack?" Caitlyn sat up, looking over at the other girl. Uh-oh, she looked annoyed.
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"Yeah, Jet, Willa, and I already finished up. You know, over the last couple hours. The others went down to get some food. They left me behind to snap you out of... whatever it was you were doing."
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"Oh, shoot, has it really been that long?" She took a look around and sure enough, the other two were nowhere to be found, and it seemed like several personal effects now adorned the room. Whoops.
"Er, sorry about that. I mean, I guess I'm pretty much done unpacking anyway at least?"
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"Really?" Alecto interrogated. "What, do you only have one outfit or something?"
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"Um, two actually." Her eyes fell, a little embarrassed at the admission. Unconsciously, her gaze drifted back to the chip. Clearly this was something her teammate had picked up on.
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"What exactly is that thing anyway, a poker chip? You don't really seem like the gambling type. Is there some kind of deal with it? You haven't stopped staring at it since we got here."
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"It's-," she hesitated. How exactly was she supposed to talk about this? Honestly, she was a pretty bad liar. It was probably best to just get it out there. They'd be spending the next four years together after all, it wouldn't hurt to get to know each other, right?"
"It's a gift from my parents. One of the only things they gave me."
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"A poker chip? That's got to be one of the worst birthday presents I can think of."
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"No, it's not like that," Caitlyn continued, laying back down and facing the ceiling. "I grew up in an orphanage. Lived my whole life there, never met my parents. None of the caretakers knew them either, said they found me on the doorstep one night. But, that wasn't the whole story. Apparently, there was a note too. All it said was to give me this chip on the day I left. That day was when I left for Shade."
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"Oh..." Alecto let the word trail off. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."
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"It's fine, it's not like I'm mad or anything. It's just kinda my life, you know?"
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"I guess. Still, seventeen years without getting adopted, that had to be hard." She sat on the bed next to Caitlyn. "Well hey, you have us now. I'm sure I speak for the whole team when I say we have your back."
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"Oh! Um, thanks Alecto, I really appreciate it. And, listen, I know I was kinda distracted today, but I promise it's not gonna get in the way of me being a team player too."
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"Hey, don't mention it, kid. Now, why don't we catch up with the others? I could use a bite myself."
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"That's a good idea. Like, a really good idea." She hopped out of bed, making a beeline for the door.
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"Race ya' there!" she called back before bolting down the hall, any sense of melancholy completely discarded.
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ajaegerpilot · 2 years
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every old dude makes my brain immediately remember my dead dad like i was tearing up in a starbucks recently bc an old man named daniel was ordering a coffee and im like dang my dad also was old
death cw
#misha speaks#but simultaniously he wasn't that old only 73 and he will never get to be properly old#he still had to go through the same shit he'd have to if he'd ever gotten to get old#like the loss of control over his body or life. weakness. death#there was like this video game with an old man w dementia and like a plotline in the game was elder abuse iirc#and that made me so upset#bc while cancer =/= elder abuse and again my dad. not that much of an elder. like he was running half marathons and building shit and#playing music and was very healthy and hale. you know. up until the year that he wasn't.#we used to go on runs and you know that post on here that's like one time your parents put you down and that was the last time they ever#picked you up. well one time we had our last run together. last walk together.#i would say seeing an old person in pain or who is exhausted brings me back to those days more than anything else.#but also just seeing an old dude walking around im like my dad used to do that.#and at the same time i dont have as high a regard for most people as i do for my dad. so its definitely not something i'll project onto old#men i know or will come to know. it's more that i'll see my dad in all things and also have not and probably never will#process how he died and that whole process of him dying.#that was my best friend and i was a shitty friend in university i just keep coming back to that.#after he died and people were like i could tell you guys had an important relationship/you loved him or whatever#like that meant so much to me and i just keep feeling it now like. yes i live normal life now but do you guys know#that i love my dad and he's dead and he was my best friend and i took him for granted and i wish we could talk again.#like everyone who sees me. and everyone i will meet. the fact that i loved him is one of the most important things about me. it's one of#the good things about me. sometimes i just want to express that all of the time. and i know other people have suffered loss too#it really is like. the world's shittiest but also most all-encompassing club. a different world before and after. as it should be.#it's like. it's not like i wanna wear a mourning shroud to let everyone know. but it's strange that something that impactful is so#invisible when its again probably one of the most important things. you just see 40 year olds walking around with their parents alive#its just strange to know how this is when some 40 year olds dont. like i was never going to be 40 when he died he had me when he was 48.#but with how full of vitality and dependable he was. and how happy and stupid my upbringing made me. i took him for granted.#and the loss of someone you took for granted even a little bit. a death and dying process you didn't handle perfectly. and maybe#this is all loss. it's almost like i wish i could make up for it now. sing him praises. see him everywhere. remember him.#and i wish i could make others know him.#because it mattered so much that i knew him and he knew me.
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alirhi · 3 years
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10 Sebastian roles as boyfriends
Because... I'm bored and I feel like it. 😂 Probably some spoilers for, like... everything? So yeah... That.
Putting it under here for easy scrolling:
10: Chase Collins
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Who doesn't love a goofball? In the first half of the movie, Chase is basically perfect. He's sweet, funny, not all caught up in his ego, and actually pays attention to what the girls around him are saying, not just to what he wants to hear. If not for the whole... it was all an act to get close to Caleb and try to steal his magic thing, Chase would actually be a damn good high school boyfriend. He's adorable and would be a fun date, but he's also only 18 so best not to start making long-term plans lol. Also, y'know... the whole psycho revenge/power grab thing.
9 Jack Benjamin
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Y'all. Y'all. Words cannot describe how much I love Jack. Pretty sure I've made this clear. As a person/character in general, he's absolutely in my Top 3 - not just of Sebastian's characters, but any character ever. ❤ But as a boyfriend? Boy's got baggage. It's what makes me so protective of him, but seeing as how he's trapped in the closet thanks to his overbearing homophobic family and the insane expectations heaped on him, as the show left him, he can't handle an honest relationship. He's too easily influenced by all the wrong people, poor babe.
8 Chris (Destroyer)
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On paper, undercover cop sounds cool and exciting, but even if you ignore the fact that he, y'know, dies... Chris got in too deep and kinda lost the mission, so to speak. Best case scenario, you're his sexy partner and in on it all with him and end up on the lam for the rest of your lives. Worst case, this man lies for a living, so can you even trust him? And... yeah. The whole dead thing. Chris is hot af but getting involved with him is a recipe for disaster.
7 Ben
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Min and Hathor have mercy, I love Ben! He's smart, he's snarky, he's caring and loyal... he's an absolute disaster. He's another one who seems allergic to honesty, until his lying and avoiding nearly kill his girlfriend. Not exactly relationship goals lol. Everything before totally was, though! Ben's adorable, and I love how he stayed up all night to protect his girlfriend (from a ghost/demon thing... with a baseball bat. I said he was smart, not perfect, okay? XD points for effort lol)
6 Mickey Henry
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I. LOVE. MICKEY. Oml I love Mickey. He's a spazz and - even more so than Ben - an absolute disaster of a human being, but I love him. Pros for dating Mickey Henry: he's fun, he's carefree, he'll cook for you even though he's kinda bad at it lol, he loves his son and wants to be a good dad, he wants his partner to be happy and to love life as much as he does. Cons, and the reason he's not higher on the list: He's a pushover; easily influenced by the toxic people in his life, and it gets him into a lot of trouble. Being easily influenced by toxic dumpster fire of a human being Chloe almost lost him the partial custody of his son that he barely even had. He's an absolute sweetheart, but he's a complete man-child, and dating him would often feel more like raising him.
5 Frank "Suffer Buddy"
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Come on! You know he and Mickey had to be back-to-back - they're practically the same character! 😂 Frank is Mickey... slightly more grown up. He's still a disaster, but he's respectful of boundaries, he's caring, he's funny in a dry, witty way that I just adore, and hoo lordy that man is a giver! 🥴🥵 Honestly, if he didn't smoke and didn't ditch Daphne in the middle of a party hours away from everything familiar to her surrounded by strangers to go do drugs, I'd call Frank perfect. He listened, he respected her wishes, he tried to keep some distance between them when he found out she'd gone on a date with his best friend (it failed utterly and brought us to the "damn that man's good with his mouth" portion of the movie lmao but still)... I don't have a whole lot of experience with men who actually give a shit, okay? So Frank is like a goddamn unicorn to me lmao. But that drug thing... That keeps him at the bottom of the Top 5 for me. Sorry, bb
4 Bucky
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I can already hear everyone on here raging at me for placing Bucky so low on this list, but hear me out: I love this man. I love all four iterations of this man. Flirty 40s Bucky was a doll (fun date, not commitment material). Post-POW camp 40s Bucky had a fire to him that set me on fire. The Winter Soldier can choke me any damn day. Unf. And TFATWS Bucky... Oh, lady above, 2023 Bucky is a gem! He's sweet, snarky, and broken. He feels utterly, wretchedly alone in the world, and everyone around him, including his only friend, is telling him to "man up" and "make amends" for shit that was never his fault to begin with, rather than helping him come to terms with all that he's suffered and all that he's survived. Bucky needs and deserves love. A relationship with him would be so solid, if he found the right person... But it would take a fuck ton of work. He needs someone strong, patient, and more stubborn than he is to prod him until he finds a better therapist and actually opens up, and to keep him on track because even good therapy comes with homework. He does have to "do the work," Sam was right about that much, but he was way off base with what that "work" is. Bucky needs help and understanding, and he would be an amazing boyfriend... if he found someone with the strength to help him weather his nightmares and flashbacks, and help pull him out of this PTSD pit he's been in since 1943.
3 Chris Beck
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Big brains turn me on, okay? 😂This man is an astronaut and a surgeon! Yes, please! Come here, you sexy genius! He's smart, he's funny - pretty sure Sebastian is incapable of playing anyone who's not delightfully snarky lol. He's pragmatic when he needs to be but there's also nothing he wouldn't do or risk for the ones he loves. This man is husband material and I cannot be convinced otherwise! So why isn't he #1? Cuz of the whole... spending years in space, thing. Super cool job and I'd be his biggest fan on the ground, but god damn, I would miss him while he's away!
2 TJ Hammond
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Look, I'm gender fluid and he's a little bit bi 😂😂😂 Let me have my fantasy, okay? TJ's definitely got a lot of shit to work through, but love brings out the best in him. Before that fucking closeted shitbag broke his heart and stomped on it for good measure, TJ was clean and sober for months, he was happy, he was playing piano again, he was pulling himself together. Not only would he be an amazing boyfriend, but his partner would get the extra joy of getting to watch their love and devotion to him be the thing that saves this beautiful man's life. It's not healthy overall to tie your self worth and will to live to a relationship, but if he found the right person who would be there for him through all of life's shit and stick it out, I think he'd be okay. Even after his lowest point and without the support of his family, TJ still had a dream and he still chased it. He's not just the sweetest person to ever grace our screens, but he's ambitious and business-savvy, too. Keep him off drugs and watch this man take over the world, I'm telling you!
So why is TJ only #2? Well, besides the fact that he's like 99% gay and I have no bits he'd be interested in lmao, there's also the fact that this guy owns my heart:
1 Will Franklyn
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And not just because we get to see him wet and mostly naked lol. Will is fucking perfect. I would die for this man... because he's already shown that he would die for his love. He almost fucking did, and they weren't even together yet! He's smart and very aware, he's a writer so we'd get to bond/geek out over books together, he's not all full of himself (self-deprecating humor ftw!) and he's willing to help a total stranger despite actual mortal peril, just because it's the right thing to do. Fierce, intelligent, sassy, strong-willed, and a flawless moral compass? YESYESYESYESYES! Forget boyfriend - let me MARRY this man! 😍🥰
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Watching Mr and Mrs Smith
Huh, they're being interviewed
I love her correcting him on how many years they've been together.😂
Uh-oh, if you're alone you're not safe.
Guess I'm dangerous *finger guns*
SHE HAS A WEAPON!
*explosions* "I'm Jane." "I'm John." 😂
FIREEEEE! Oh good, they're dancing. Annnnnnd They've had sex.
How did they get the sheet to start up like a dress? I could never do that.
Her missing on purpose with the gun game and then him getting them all, now her competitive side has come out
YEAH YOU SHOW HIM HOW IT'S DONE, JANE!
"Beginners luck." XD
I love her 😍
FIVE OR SIX YEARS LATER
THEY'RE GONNA CRASH! THE DRIVEWAY ISN'T WIDE ENOUGH!
They're fine.
*Watching them drive in separate directions* You can go your own wayyyyyyyyy! Go your own wayyyy
Oh, I low-key thought that black haired dude was gonna show up and Jane was gonna kil him, since they showed him in the office scene before.
John probably thinks she's the perfect housewife 🙄
She fought a dude for curtains? Oh I wish I were a fly on the wall at the store to see that.😂
"If you don't like them we can take em back." "Okay, I don't like them." "You'll get used to them." I'm with her dude.
HOW CAN SHE BALANCE LIKE THAT ON CHAIR WHILE IN HEELS?
Her not turning the light off and then saying 5 more minutes, brings back memories of being a little kid sharing a room with my sister who liked to read with the light on until late😂
That therapist is not helpful.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that's quite the ensemble to wear if she's dealing with someone who crashed a car. In a hotel room. And I suppose those handcuffs are because she's gonna arrest them?
John, I feel you lack subtlety.
Oh ok, not bad, but damn dude, those bros were just trying to play some games and you gotta be a party killer? Damn.
They really made her a dominatrix to kill her dude, but John got to play a game of poker to get his? Come on!
Oh my god, she's like an adult Nanny McPhee. I wanna purse like that.
Jane is me whenever I'm asked to hold a baby.
Damn, John really meant what he said about where he keeps his stuff.
I want that oven in my future kitchen. Fully equipped with those weapons.
Eddie listing the perks of living with his mom is so funny. 😂
FINALLY! We're getting to see some action of where they work!
JANE RUNS THE SHOW FOR WHERE SHE WORKS? YES!!
"Oh look, more desert." Mood.
Ok damn, she's really doing quite awesome with her stakeout point.😂
John is very much an idot.
OH SHIT SHE SHOT HIM
OH SHIT HE SHOT HER
You definitely should not be allowed to buy those things.
Jane is pissed.
Why did I think Father was actually her dad calling cause he was worried?😂
HE KNOWS!
SHE KNOWS!
He hid the knife only for her to come back with an even bigger one, he's panicking slightly.
She has another!
She is way better at being calmer than he is, he looks like a nervous mouse
She tried something new, I think he thinks she poisoned him XD
Oh no, the wine slipped!
Dude can't possibly catch up to her car
Hopefully he'll pay to have that fence fixed.
Annnnnnnnd he shot the windshield, that can not end well for him
Dude, do not run into the street to say it was an accident, thus putting yourself in the path of your angry wife.
Honestly? Can't even disagree with her decision to hit him with her car, dude has no self-preservation.
And he broke into the car, so she jumped out😂
Eddie, tho stupid, is hilarious.
Men are idiots.
Eddie has such a way of cheering a friend up.☺️
GIRL YOU LOVE HIM, OTHERWISE HE'D ALREADY BE DEAD
The garden party looks like fun
John really took a neighbor as a human shield
THEY TOOK HIS WEAPON STASH😂
He's in the vents!
I want that gun thing, it could be fun
Oooooooo they like each other!
Eddie really is funny
OH GOD THE ELEVATOR
IT BLEW UP
BUT SHE LOVED HIM
He's sulking 😂
I mean I guess I would be too if I was him
Aw, she's crying a single tear
and he's there
They're at the place he proposed 😍
They're disarming each other while they dance, I want that
He tried to blow her up?!
Oh it's ok, she tried the same.
I ship them so hard.
She hit his car so she could get into the drive first 😂 Whata mood
And Jane's taken the house as her base😂
That poor house
The music 😂
"Who's your daddy now?" 😂
I LOVE THAT SHE SLAPPED HIM AFTER THE SEX SCENE
The neighbors at the door 😂
Oh shit, people are after them now
That is not good
Yeah John, why does she get the girl gun?
Much better
Yeah, steal the car from the Colemans!
I would react the same way as Jane if I found out the person I was married to was married before and didn't tell me
"What's her name and social security number?" "No, you're not gonna kill her." 😂
She hired a dude to pretend to be her dad omg
Also it's so funny that she never cooked anything 😂
Eddie getting rude about Jane and then her popping up😂
They're matching outfits tho *chef's kiss*
Oh John is feeling funny cause his wife's body count is way higher than his!
"Who are you people?!" I love that they're bickering and Benjamin is in the background 😂
OH MY GOD IT WAS A TRAP AL ALONG?!
John: "This is a really good store."
Jane: *glares*
They're adorable
She threw a knife and it hit him in the thigh 😂
The elevator music is so cheerful 😂
Oh shit, Jane fell from the celling!
They've both been shot!
I swear if this movie ends with them both dying I'm gonna be pissed.
Oh thank goodness, they're wearing bulletproof vests
Me: *singing* "When I am with you there's no place I'd rather be no no no no!"
Oh my god, they're in therapy again 😂
They redid the house, the poor neighbors 😂 bet they left the Smiths alone tho!
What a fantastic movie, was pretty worried it would be meh, but it was good!
And in conclusion, if I wasn't already thirsting for Angelina Jolie, I am now.
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