Finished putting together a book-nook for my bookshelf! It’s called Sunshine Town :D

i would love more writer!reader hcs! it's hilarious how calvin's like my least fav pd character but the requests for him are so good, you made him likable 😭😭

Socialization Pt. II | Calvin Weir-Field’s x fem!Reader

Calvin Weir-Field’s x fem!Reader

Word Count | 1,260

Author’s Note | ugh, I LOVE writing Calvin actually so I’m glad someone finds my version of him likable! again, if anyone wants another part of this little dynamic, I’d love to think about making it a sweet little trilogy of headcanons lol thank you so much, anon, for enabling me to indulge in this man.

Warnings | Calvin is a ball of anxiety, nothing else I can think of!

Calvin hates being late to things. So, of course, he's late to the writer's group you invited him to.

It's not his fault that you wrote one of the numbers in the address wrong. It's not his fault that he spent twenty minutes driving down the same street, craning his neck to find the right place. By the end of the ordeal, he finds the breakfast buffet. Tucked away behind a few pretentious boutiques sits the building. Obviously some sort of historic place that has managed to just escape from LA's glitzy grasp. 

Having led a group of his own for a few years, he thinks he knows exactly what he's getting himself into. A couple dozen twenty somethings who've convinced themselves they're artists and moved to LA to flounder and die. It's partially why he left said group after his dad died and Lila left. 

He parks, gives himself a pep talk, takes a deep breath and enters the restaurant.

A staff member tells him that the meeting had started ten minutes prior in the banquet room. Great. Absolutely fantastic.

Calvin opens one of the doors of the entrance for the banquet room. All eyes are on him within seconds. Shit.

You're standing at a podium, papers in hand and mouth open, obviously midway through a sentence as you glare at him.

Calvin ducks quickly like he's walking in front of a row of people in a movie theater. He finds a table with an empty chair and tries not to meet anyone's gaze as you clear your throat and continue speaking. He quickly realizes that he is very out of place. Most of the attendees are...older. The women dotting the table around him are all white haired with deep wrinkles and wearing their finest clothes.

The next thing he notices is how attentively everyone listens to you. You command the room in such a way that he can tell you've been doing this for a long while. You don't drone on monotonously. And you crack small jokes every so often that makes some bursts of chuckles erupt from various tables.

You give a rundown of different writing workshops that are being held throughout the month, give deadlines for some monthly edition that members can submit pieces to, and read out updates on various projects that some of the members are working on.

Apparently Reginald has a science fiction novel he's been working on for years that is finally in talks of being published. A woman named Maria is in the preliminary stages of research for her book on pigeons. Calvin has no clue who these people are but he's struck by how...not miserable they all look.

You announce a writing exercise. The idea: you're going to give them one word and five minutes to write as much as they possibly can on whatever thought the word reminds them of. Sounds simple enough.

Calvin panics. Because of course he has to feel the frantic grip of anxiety right here and now in an artificially lit banquet hall at 10:38 in the morning. Life very well may have looked kindly upon him up into the very moment he walked into that room and made an absolute fool of himself.

The word you chose? Control.

The timer starts and his mind goes blank.

Control...control control control...he wishes he had control over that stupid timer. It's the only thought he had running through his mind. It's morbid and messy but he doesn't want to be the only one in the room without a word on his sheet of paper. So he scrawls out as much as he possibly can.

He writes about a clock that won't stop ticking. Won't stop taunting. Every time the hands shift, it seems to point and titter at a different failure. Nearly thirty. No high school diploma. No girlfriend. A publisher breathing down his neck. That clock keeps sneaking up behind him and beating him to an indistinguishable pulp. But this time, he catches it. Throws the damned thing to the ground and rips away at the face until it stirs no more. Digging his nails into the inner workings, he tears at all the intricate pieces until he's satisfied that it won't have a chance at coming back. Until he can finally breathe properly.

The timer goes off in reality this time.

And Calvin feels like he's just killed someone. But the tension in his fingers seem to have disappeared.

You say that if anyone would like to read what they wrote aloud, they may. A few people have the guts to do that. Calvin won't be one of the sacrificial lambs; he can't even imagine what kind of horrified stares he'd get this time if he were to describe how he'd murder an anthropomorphic clock. He simply claps along with the other attendees and crumples up his paper, shoving it in his pocket and intending to throw it away when he gets home.

Calvin approaches you after the meeting. You're putting away your notes in a giant, three-ring binder.

Standing in front of you for a solid minute, he's sure that you're deliberately giving him the cold shoulder. He clears his throat. You peer up at him almost dismissively through your lashes.

Returning your attention to your papers, you ask firmly, "If you didn't want to be here then why did you show up, Calvin?"

"Oh, trust me, I did want to be here. I was just...late."

"Okay." you purse your lips and close up your binder before laying your hand on the cover, tapping your nails against the surface and gathering your thoughts. Slowly, you perked back up, "What did you think about the meeting?"

"It was..." Calvin scratched his head before saying with uncertainty, "Enlightening."

His reply makes you snicker. You hadn't actually expected him to attend. And after he was absent for the first meeting after you invited him, you figured that was it. You'd managed to find another snobby writer who looked down his nose at his peers. But with how tall he is, there's no way he can't psychically look down on you. Except instead of disdain in his eyes...it's wonder. Those green eyes look down at you like he’s waiting for you to unveil the secrets of the universe.

You ask with a smile biting at your tone, "What parts did you find enlightening?"

"I thought the five minute writing exercise was fantastic. It loosens you up...forces you to just think of something." Calvin can't help but grin. Sure, he hated what he'd written. But maybe that's what was needed for a creative rut like this. Something messy and terrible and completely wrong. That felt right.

You laughed then. It sends butterflies through his stomach out of nowhere. He joined in, hoping that his nervous grin would convince both you and him that you were laughing with him instead of at him.

"You're a funny person, Calvin Weir-Fields." And a cute person. But he doesn’t need to know that.

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed your time today. I hope you decide to become a member before you go. You can sign up with Donna over there." you nod towards a woman speaking with some other members near the double doors.

Calvin didn't even think about the possibility of spam or extra mail or any of those other annoyances as he gave Donna all of his contact information. All he thought of was writing again. Of seeing you again.

Tag Game: Ten True Facts About Me

Rules: Share 10 facts about yourself and tag other blogs! I want to get to know my mutuals, and the people I follow a little bit :) The facts can be about anything!

Tagged by: the lovely @ir0n-moon thank you so much my dear 💕💕

1. I used to be big into cosplay. I used to hand make cosplay costumes, props, and once even attempted to make a wig. I have only ever been to a few conventions but I miss the community I used to share with fellow cosplayers pre-Covid.

2. I had an Anime Amino if anyone remembers that app. This was back during an age before discord. Back during the time I took a break from Tumblr (2015-17? Maybe) I started on Amino to look for community and friendship during a time I felt like I had none. Amino was literally just a mix of Tumblr with random blogs and discord with its chat rooms option. People mostly used it for RPs and other community events. It was a great time honestly kinda sad they killed the site.

3. I love weird ass music. I’m not talking like “oh that new album by famous artist with a weird name” no! I’m talking music that will make normal people run screaming into the next room. Give me remixed pirate/Viking songs all day long. You don’t even have to remix them. I’ll take them as is if you’re feeling spicy. Heavy metal versions of songs that have no right being metal (Disney songs, pop songs, country). 🤤. Those artists are doing gods work. Random 80’s songs. The sluttiest dirtiest music you can think of. Jazz. All of it man I love all of it as long as it’s weird.

4. My very first fan fiction was written on fan fiction.net. I used to have two accounts it was because I forgot my password for the first one but then I used the second account more than the first so it all worked out. I kinda want to archive the stuff from those accounts onto AO3 even though I’m not in those fandoms anymore. Just so I have the content.

5. My first ever crushes were on Shego and Kim Possible from said show. I didn’t know how to verbalize this as a kid so I told everyone I loved Justin Timberlake from *NSYNC.

6. I’ve been thinking about publishing a few books. I have some ideas for a few novels, series, and kids books. I just don’t know where to start or even if they’re worth while.

7. I have two dogs and two cats! My puppies names are Maizy and Chihiro. They are both Labs and are just the cutest angel babies! My cats are Eevee and Oreo. Eevee is chunk rescue baby. Oreo is our prissy princess who needs to be held at all times.

8. I have never once reset one of my animal crossing villages. I’ve had three on three different games. Game Cube, DS, and Switch. I always do my best to name the village perfectly , I would do anything in my power to have the perfect neighborhood/ villagers, I would even piss off Mr. resetti back when he was a thing just to get a second chance to try an interaction again.

9. I’m thinking about starting to stream on Twitch. Nothing too serious. Just something fun that I can try to do!

10. I am a huge collector. I collect many things lol old books, (first editions, cool instructional books, books published earlier than 1955, All the Stephen King novels), ART! I love art. All of it. Prints from artists I buy from. Hand made pieces I randomly find at art fairs and craft shows, paintings, those mystery boxes that hold figurines in them I fucking love them so god damned much.

I think I’ll tag @nsfwitchy, @normanblowup, @morbid-pigeon, @el-michoacano, @gointothevvater, @gogomeaty,

Day 28

Well I can’t say time is flying but, we are four weeks in and that’s a small victory in my book. I’ve been more emotional lately. Or I’m always this way, I just feel sort of unstable? Not in the suicidal way, just kind of all over the place.

Anyways, we were able to text a bit today and I feel like they were productive. I effectively communicated that maybe we should talk earlier in the day this weekend since you were tired last time. I even threw in a “jab” about you yawning so much but, I disguised it as a joke so that way I wasn’t being confrontational but I was still letting you know how I felt. I’m not sure if that was the right way to go about it but, I feel good about it.

Wow I am literally journaling about you yawning. Yikes. Yeah, unless I die I don’t think I ever want you to actually read these. I’m not even sure you’d want to unless I was dead and you read these while grieving. LOL okay now I’m just being morbid.

I did come up with a new discussion topic for us, not that we covered them all last time. It was just hard to bring up new topics when your response was so discouraging. But I’ve been trying to think of all of the topics that would possibly come up post-marriage. I don’t necessarily have “marriage fever” still but, I like to think realistically about different issues that could come up and discuss them with you ahead of time. I’m probably trying too hard to be prepared for something that you’re not truly ready for until it happens but, that’s just me!

I think I listed this before but, I guess it’s really important to me because I’m mentioning it again. HOW WILL WE SPLIT CHORES? (I’m not yelling. I just want these questions to stand out in case I need them later and I don’t feel like listing bullet points right now). ARE YOU OKAY WITH HOW THINGS ARE CURRENTLY IN REGARDS TO ME COOKING? WILL YOU BE OKAY IF I NEVER CHOOSE TO BE THE PRIMARY PARTNER WHO PREPARES MEALS? The next one is more of a statement than a question but it is definitely extremely important. I believe in monogamy. I believe in being completely devoted to one person. I believe true love exists and that I’ll always be able to remain faithful and work things out with the right person. That is, with the exception of cheating. Zero tolerance for cheating and I know you feel the same way so neither of us should be worried about that. Anyways, onto the statement IF EITHER OF US EVER FEELS THE DESIRE TO TRANSITION TO AN “OPEN RELATIONSHIP/ MARRIAGE” WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST END THE RELATIONSHIP COMPLETELY. I have had this idea proposed to me in past relationships and it is not something I can or should be talked into. I am not interested in seeing others and I can not handle my partner showing interest in others. Even if I agreed to such an idea, I would be absolutely devastated at the thought of you being with anyone else in any context. I don’t mind the strip clubs but, if you star feeling the need for someone else to satisfy you, please let me know and you will be able to proceed as a single man.

Okay this was a long one. I’m sure I could keep going but, I am hungry and tired of typing and thinking so much. Lastly, I’m doing to mention my current favorite text from you. I told you I was getting back to work and that I love you and you said at the end of your message- “I love you so much more!!!” and it just made me so happy. I definitely love you more but, I appreciate you for trying and for putting a big smile on my face. :)

geode

Request by @ynbridgerton - could I please get bridgerton!sis with #8?

A/N: This was one of my favourite ones to write, lol. 

Y/N Bridgerton and Eloise Bridgerton made a fearsome pairing. Twin sisters who both shared a dislike of society and hatred of men, they’d become known for their wit and their ability to make even the most confident man doubt their appearance.

But when they were around their siblings, all bets were off. Being the fifth and sixth siblings of the family, respectively, it meant an awful lot of bullying and teasing from the four older siblings and an awful lot of bullying towards the three younger siblings. 

Y/N had quickly grown to have a sharp wit and shot back at her older siblings with quips that tended to render them speechless. 

Colin was often Y/N’s favourite target - mainly because he was the one to incite the bullying and she simply returned the favour.

“Are you sure the ton wasn’t simply eyeing her two left feet?” Colin asked.

Y/N rolled her eyes and smiled as she shook her head. She’d attended her first ball the previous evening and had been the one everyone was watching. 

Y/N leant past Benedict and looked at Colin. “Are you sure Penelope wants to dance with you willingly or does she simply do it out of pity?”

Colin gawped at her. Usually, Y/N let his insults slide and ignored him but today she’d come out to fight.

Surprisingly, Anthony burst out laughing. He just sat there and laughed for a few  moments before he turned back to his newspaper with a chuckle. 

“Yes, thank you, Anthony,” Colin grumbled, picking up a scone and taking a bite out of it without adding any jam or cream. 

Y/N giggled, far too pleased with herself and her insult. She sat back down and smiled to herself. She glanced up at her mother and saw her struggling to hide her own smile. 

A scone smacked Y/N in the head. She yelped and jumped up from the sofa. 

“Colin!” She exclaimed, glaring at him.

Colin shrugged. “My hand slipped.”

Y/N picked up the scone and launched it at her brothers head - smiling happily as it pelted him in the forehead.

“Children,” Violet chastised tiredly. 

Benedict grabbed Y/N’s hand and forced her to sit back down and all but pined her to the sofa to stop her from throwing anything else at Colin.

As a result of the sibling feud that had formed over many years, and because of Gregory and Hyacinth’s inability to sit at a table without throwing peas at one another,  a seating plan had formed for family dinners. 

Anthony and Violet set at the opposite ends of the table - the typical seat for the  Viscount and Dowager Viscountess. Either side of Anthony sat Francesca and Eloise - perhaps, the two most responsible children in the family. 

Next to Eloise sat Gregory and next to Francesca sat Hyacinth. The two youngest siblings had been put in the middle of the older siblings in the hopes they would squash the pea throwing (it never worked).

Y/N sat next to Hyacinth and Colin sat next to Gregory. They used to sit next to each other - it’d gone Gregory, Colin, Y/N and then Benedict but the prank war of 1810 had forced Y/N to sit opposite her brother.

Benedict had moved to sit next to Y/N (presumably to stop her from kicking Colin or throwing something at him when he was annoying her) and Daphne sat next to Colin. Violet, at the opposite end of the table, had a close eye on all of her children. 

That evening, following on from the scone attack of that morning, Colin and Y/N were glowering at each other from across the table. 

There’d been a few more incidents that day. Another scone attack, Colin singing obnoxiously loud when Francesca was playing the pianoforte and Y/N was trying to read and Y/N accidentally spilling her tea over Colin’s map because they were ‘in her way’.

Needless to say, both were... well, pissed at the other. 

Y/N had been silent the entire meal. She was studiously cutting up her dinner and stabbing it with some force with her fork and glaring at Colin as she did so. Colin, in return, was copying her and occasionally, like the child he was, firing a pea at her. 

A rogue pea landed on Benedict’s plate and his head shot up. He’d been talking to his mother and had, up until that point, been obvious to the glares his siblings were sending one another. 

Anthony, who’d been watching them closely, mouthed at Benedict and frowned, questioning what was going on. Benedict, who had absolutely no idea, shrugged. 

Y/N flicked a pea at Colin and glared at him. Colin flicked a pea back at Y/N. It sailed in a lovely arc in a completely different direction to Y/N and landed on Eloise’s plate. 

“What the -” Eloise frowned, looking down at the pea and then up at her siblings. 

“Don’t ask,” Anthony muttered, grabbing his glass of wine and almost drinking it all in one. 

“I do wonder if any of the suitors who have been calling will take one look at you in your natural habitat and just leave,” Colin said, looking up at his sister.

“It amazes me that any woman would want to dance with you considering how often you step on their toes and almost drop them,” Y/N snapped back. 

Colin, who’d presumably been practicing his come backs all day, narrowed his eyes. “You should stop wearing blue, it makes you look like you’ve been found on the shore of the Thames.”

“You’re like a geode - boring and unassuming on the outside, sparkly and kinda pretty on the inside,” Y/N replied.

“You think I’m sparkly on the inside?” Colin asked, tilting his head to the side, surprised at the backhanded compliment.

“Well, I mean... blood’s sparkly in the right lighting,” Y/N replied, shrugging.

Colin paused. “That was... that was morbid.”

“Yeah, I realised that as I said it,” Y/N said, nodding. She glanced at Benedict who was looking at her with a concerned expression. “I’m not a murderer, before you say anything. I just read a lot of books.” 

“I think we need to censor what books you read,” Benedict muttered, turning back to his meal. 

Y/N looked over at Colin and snorted into her wine. Colin burst out laughing and put his cutlery down with a loud clunk that attracted the attention of the rest of the table.

“Something funny, Colin?” Anthony asked, frowning at him. He’d looked over a moment ago and had seen his sister and brother about to murder one another and the sudden change of emotion was disconcerting. 

“Nothing,” Colin chortled. “Just... I think Benedict is now in terror for his life.”

Y/N, who’d chosen that moment to take a sip of her wine, choked on it as she laughed. Benedict reached over and smacked her on the back with a long, despair filled sigh.

Benedict looked to his mother. “Why couldn’t you have just stopped after two?”

Violet sighed. “Benedict, I wonder that every day.”

Did Kit suddenly lose his ability to heart-eye or is Pol!Jon actually a thing.

I'm late to the fandom but I just finished S7 and I'm having thoughts.

I'm a reader of the books, and I hadn't watched the show till now because... I suck at watching shows with hour long episodes and more than three seasons.

What made me decide to watch it was the Pol!Jon discourse I found on the Internet.

I know enough about the show to understand how unlikely and out of character this theory would seem to show watchers. At the same time, I fully believe that book!Jon would be fully capable of something like this. But also, even though I do ship Jonsa in the books, I can't deny that Jonerys is.....a big deal. Everyone expects it to happen. It's a highly anticipated pairing and....I just couldn't honestly believe Pol!Jon because it is just so against the general expectation.

So I decided to watch the show. And now I've finished season 7 and I am astounded.

Let me preface this by saying that I went into S7 already disliking Jonerys (sue me) but I still fully expected to have some serious doubts about the validity of Jonsa. I fully expected to be at least somewhat convinced of Jonerys. Even hating the idea of Jon and Danaerys together, I still expected more.

There are a number of things I would like to note here.

First, Jonerys is a romance that is told, not shown. Davos talks about Jon watching Dany's "good heart" (hehe) to tell us Jon is attracted to Dany. But then Jon immediately dismisses it- and not in a way that looks like he's deflecting. He's not only dismissing it, he's dismissive of it. His mind is not in the conversation, it is beyond the Wall.

Similarly, Tyrion says (not in those words), "yeah right, and Jon only looks at you longingly coz he wants a military alliance with you". Not sure what I'm supposed to think about that....? First, Jon doesn't look at Dany longingly at all???? Not once. Second, is this line supposed to suggest that Jon is looking at her longingly for a reason that is not desperately wanting a military alliance....? Because we already know that that's exactly what he does want. Wtf do I make of this statement?????

There are other examples, but the point remains. People keep talking about Jon and Dany being into each other, and that is what is supposed to convince us that they are into each other (well yea Dany is) but Jon gives no indication of looking at her longingly, of falling in love with her, of being intrigued by her even. He's a brick wall.

Alright, I'll concede one (1) scene where I saw legitimate attraction on his face for a second- that is the cave scene. Even there tho, it's hard to tell if he's just watching her reaction carefully or if he wants to bang her.

On the other hand, Dany shows that she is into him. Even so, when I say she's into him, I mean she's attracted to him and intrigued by him. I cannot believe she loves him.

Next, I think it's interesting that in the episode before (or was it the same episode?) Jon bends the knee, we have a number of people (Tormund, Beric) talk about stuff like- kings not bending the knee leading to people dying, knowing what's important (the fight against the dead), being the shield that guards the realm of men blah blah I don't remember the exact words. Then he sees the WW and the Army of the Dead (again) and sees a dragon die. And then, the first opportunity he gets, he bends the knee. I want to point out here that the scenes really emphasise on Jon's thinking face after every conversation he has during their little gay party beyond the Wall. They focus on the look on his face again while he's watching the Army. Multiple times. And there's clearly something going on in his head, gears are turning.

One other scene that struck me is the scene where Jon and Dany are saying goodbye to each other (the Eastwatch episode). In the same episode (if I remember correctly) Jon calls them strangers, and then the goodbye scene comes and Dany says to Jon's little morbid joke, "I've grown used to him". Him being Jon. Two things to note here-

One, Jon considers them strangers but Dany has gotten "used to him". Maybe it's nothing, or maybe it's an indication of how the two of them are absolutely not on the same page (about anything).

Second, Jon's face after she says that. It shuts down. Like a door slamming. And then he says that "wish you good fortune in the wars to come" line, which has ZERO romance, or longing, but a whole lot of bad precedent (does that make sense?). Ouch. The thought that occured to me here is that Dany is being somewhat obvious about her feelings, and maybe, just maybe Jon has picked up on it. And that is why he reacts the way he does.

I wasn't sure so I compared the scene with the Jonsa forehead kiss scene in S6, and Jon's expressions after that kiss.

My logic was this- I assume that either Jon has become aware of Dany's feelings in the Eastwatch goodbye scene, or his own feelings for her. One of these assumptions is true. Which one?

If Jon has feelings for Sansa, then his confusion/awareness/discomfort regarding that are seen in that forehead kiss scene. So if Jon has become aware of his feelings for Dany, let's see how these two scenes compare?

My dudes. There is no comparison. Go watch it.

I watched both scenes with sound off, and the difference is insane. Jon looks at Sansa's lips. There's a moment's pause that's full of tension, and then his face shuts in a way, but it's a bit confused, a bit thoughtful.

Jon does not look at Dany's lips. He does not look confused, or thoughtful. This is not a romance.

Side observation- speaking of showing and telling, it's funny how we're shown Jon looking at Sansa's wolf bits, and told that Jon looks at Dany's good heart. Yes I'm talking about boobs but wolf bits and good heart is funnier. We literally see Jon look at the wolf bits twice, talk about it himself, in a completely unnecessary conversation...as opposed to being entirely dismissive of the good heart, even when someone else brings it up.

Back to the main point, one last thing I'd like to talk about is the scene where Jon actually bends the knee (not really). First, there are still no heart-eyes. Definitely not from Jon. Second, it's funny how Jon uses the exact hand-grabbing move that Sansa used on him last season, when she was trying to convince him to do something he didn't particularly wanna do (like he's now trying to do with Dany). This means that

1) he learnt that move from Sansa. He knows how effective it is XD

2) if the Jonerys hand-grab is romance, it stands to reason that the Jonsa hand-grab is romance too. I mean both the grabs are suspiciously similar.

Then, even after Dany "promises" that she'll help the North fight the WW, Jon still bends the knee. I felt both an odd sense of urgency coming from him, and an understandable hesitation. Or maybe that's just me.

Now suddenly, he becomes complimentary of her. But there's something weird about his compliments. They are completely generic. "They'll see you for what you are" and in the later episode, "you're not like the others". Wtf does that MEAN ??

Here's the thing...Jon could have paid Dany a way more specific, genuine sounding compliment after bending the knee (complete with heart eyes). I mean she did just fly over the Wall to rescue him and his men. He could have said more, something meaningful, but he didn't. He bent the knee like a house on fire (that doesn't make sense but you get what I mean I hope) and paid generic compliments. Then he pretended to sleep until she left and then sighed very loudly.

??? Romance??? WHERE????

Then the dragon pit. Heart-eyes still missing.

Then the sex scene. What do I say? Lol.

No really. There are no heart eyes even during the sex scene. Honestly, idk what that face was. Not in love for sure.

Another side note- Arya and Sansa have talks while standing in the same place where the forehead kiss scene happened (wtf do you call that place again, the bridge.??) But no heart eyes. No lingering looks. There is no incestuous gay love between them, I can say for sure. All it does is prop up the odd incestuous vibes of the Jon Sansa scene in that same place.

ANOTHER side note- goddamn but does Sansa talk about Jon a lot.

Edit: I'm sure most of this stuff has already been discussed in other metas. My purpose here is only to put down my first thoughts after watching the season.

Ey, could you make food source reactions for Mammon & Levi like you did with the others?

I've read it like 3 times now, they're all so sweet and believable you did a great job!

You got it Fam! Glad you like them so much lol. (I got a lot more angsty with Mammon than I thought I would but I love him sooooo)

Mammon

This poor man. He gets to spend so little time alone with you. He has to make every second count. Between the hustling, modeling, and running from Lucifer, he’s a pretty busy guy. 

So he plans date nights. Just you, him, and his leather couch. Ya ain’t goin’ nowhere, ya hear? He looks forward to this every month. He pins it on his calendar too just so he doesn’t double book himself. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. Just cause he plans this doesn’t mean he necessarily has a plan. Not that you care. Most of his activities turn into trouble anyway, even when he is not trying.  

 Sometimes he teaches you how to play cards (also shows you human ways to cheat-just in case you need it). The hours are spent pleasantly sitting in his lap while he teaches you how to count cards.

But, most nights, he just wants to talk. He enjoys his time with you. You and him cuddling and chatting away the hours before passing out for the night. 

He has a lot of things he wants to know about you. To him, he feels like if he knows you better than the other brothers he’s won. 

Won what? Idk, your affection? Approval? He already has it, but he is insecure about his place in your heart regardless. 

This evening starts out like any other. Mammon dashing to the kitchens to pilfer some snacks and drinks before Beel can steal them all, and you bring your cute self over to his room. 

You two toss back a few drinks and spend some time looking over his latest photo shoots before going on to the main event. Tonight you brought one of your favorite human card games. It was like 20 questions, but some questions were more risque than others. Was it meant for more than two players? Yes, but whatever- Mammon wants to play it so you are.

You both are relaxed and drowsy by the time you start playing. Your stomachs are full of junk, and the morning moons are just on the horizon. It’s the perfect mixture for loose lips and secrets, before falling asleep in each other's arms. 

You pick easy cards first, jumping from silly innocent questions to one that made him blush from ear to ear. The hours pass quickly and Mammon’s answers become more slurred and accented as he tires out. 

He was on the verge of sleep when you ask,  “What’s your favorite dish?” 

It was a slip of the tongue, a long-lost memory pulled up from the dregs of his exhausted mind. He remembers a savory dish Barbatos use to make way back when. He can still smell the savory smoky spices mixing with the fresh vegetables and meat- Oh shit.

He feels you stiffen and he ain’t sleepy anymore, that’s for sure. Immediately up and apologizes. He stumbles over himself in his haste to explain himself. 

You spend the rest of the evening with him in your arms trying to comfort him as he tearfully swears he hasn’t eaten a person in a couple of hundred years. 

Mini Fic

He regrets it the moment the words slip out. His sleepy remark hangs out in the chilly air of his room. He feels you jerk in his arms as if punched. “Shit! I-I didn’t mean.” Mouth agape, he backtracks, tongue working faster than his overtaxed brain. He looks down at your head on his chest. 

Your eyes are wide. Their surprise reflected in the bright blue moonlight. His heart sinks to his stomach. Gods, he ruined it. “I’m sorry- I.”  Pushing you off of his chest he goes to grab his shirt and redress, ignoring the prickling heat growing at the corner of his eyes. He could sleep somewhere else tonight. You could have the room if you wanted, or at least give you a minute to flee in terror from the demon that masqueraded as your friend. He can’t look at you. Hells, he was too ashamed to even glance in your direction. What kind of idiot let’s slip that? They even had a council meeting about this very thing before you arrived. 

So lost in his panic he doesn’t notice you trying to get his attention. It wasn’t until you forcefully grab his arm did he hear you. “It’s ok Mammon.” You engulf him in your warm and comforting scent. Strong arms dragging him back to the crumpled sheets of his bed. Your soft fingers wipe at the silent tears streaking down his cheeks. 

He dislodges himself from your light grasp to rub at his own eyes. “How can ya’ say that?” Where was your sense of self-preservation? Ain’t humans supposed to be aware of such dangers? The irony wasn’t lost on him though. Being your ‘protector’ and all.

You shuffle closer, hellbent on comforting. His pack mark hums gently on his chest when you touch it. As much as his body wanted to run, your pact mark cemented him to his seat. He sits while you fuss over him slowly breathing through his mouth to calm his racing heart. He can’t help but drift closer to you when he feels your hand on the top of his head. When had he become so weak for you? 

“Well-How can I not?” You shrug. He closes his eyes when you start ruffling his fringe. “You’ve been nothing but sweet to me. Yes, you have,” You cut him off firmly before he can object. “Always my number one anyway.” That pulls a wet chuckle from your demon. His eyes clear up at your admission. “I trust you Mammon, honestly. I mean, I kinda knew that you’ve probably eaten a human or two in your life. Knowing, and knowing are more different than I thought.” 

 Mammon cages you in his arms, his nose brushing along your neck and jawline. “Damn-.” He huffs covering you in his warm body, arms tight around your sides. “I’m sorry. I ruined tonight.” Mammon sighs into your skin. 

You hug him back. “Nonsense, if you want to get technical I think you won this game. I can’t top that answer.” You push away with a wide yawn. “Now can we go back to bed?” With a nod, he flops over pulling you down with him. You bully your way into his arms again. Sighing constantly you snuggle in for the night, ready to drift off. His eyelids began to feel heavy again too. Your soft weight on him like a security blanket. He listens to your slowly beating heart, matching his breathing to yours. The rhythmic thumps working to calm him better than his noise machine. He basks in your presence, rubbing his broad hand down your back for a moment before you speak again.

“Hey, Mammon.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think I would taste good?” 

Leviathan 

Awkward boy. Of course, he has had his fair share of humans. Not particularly his favorite through. A lot of the time it wasn’t on purpose. His demon form is big and sometimes more than just fish and other demons get swallowed up. Course when that happened, they weren’t exactly fresh either. Bleh-just thinking about it makes his stomach turn. 

No, he never got a taste for it, even when it was served in the royal palace. The memories of the sea are still pretty vivid. It never really crosses his mind anymore. Till you bring it up.

He invites you over for a game night. A new VR game he had been saving up for just dropped and he had to play it with you.

It was a horror stealth game. Heavy on critical thinking and solving puzzles in real-time.

Your two characters were on a race against time against a flesh eating cult that had invaded a small village. He thought it was a fun concept and you both liked horror games. He didn’t notice how quiet you had gotten until you had set your controller down. 

You ask during a loading screen after a pretty graphic cut scene of a npc getting caught. How realistic was that cut scene? Had he ever eaten a human before?

Boy is a brighter pink than Ruri-chan’s signature outfit (and twice as cute lbr) 

He gets so flustered that he misses the start of the next round and gets you both eaten. 

He doesn’t take conflict well. Like at all. He much rather slink off into his fish tank and hide than answer you. In fact, that sounds like an excellent idea.  

He slithers back out of his tank hours later thinking you had left or found a better brother to hang out with. Yucky people eaters like him aren’t good company for humans. 

You jump him the minute his feet are back on solid ground. Have an answer now you must! Yrssss. 

Mini Fic

“L-Let go!” Levi shrieks, caught in your sneak attack. He locks up when you jump him, all four of your limbs wrapping around his soaking body like an octopus. 

“No!” You squeeze him harder taking full advantage of the fact that he won’t remove you himself. You feel the heat of his blush through his soaked clothes as you cling closer. If he could blush any harder you were pretty sure steam would be wafting off of him. 

“Why do you want to know anyway?” He wiggles gently, trying to loosen your tight grip. 

“Morbid curiosity.” Well, at least you were honest. He was still going to say no, you didn’t need to know that about him. He opens his mouth to shut you down but makes the mistake of looking at you. The words die when he catches the pout growing on your face. Oh no- his one weakness. Your way your lower lip pops out adorably, accompanied by slightly puffed-out cheeks. It was a one-two punch to his defenses. 

“I-they weren’t on purpose.” He pleads. Nevermore in his life did he wish he could turn into a mist-like his brother. He feels you slip off of him. Your bare feet don’t make a sound on his carpeted floor. “It just happened sometimes.” He admits. You accept it for a few seconds before his words fully hit you.

“Wait? How do you accidentally eat someone?” You ask incredulously. “All though- that’s something Beel might do.” You ponder the logistics and step back to give him some space.

He rights himself, wicking the moisture from his coat and pants with magic until he is completely dry again. You start asking a dozen more questions in rapid fire. It was enough to make his head spin. You were too curious for your own good. “Ever heard of basking whales?”  

You blink. 

Levi sighs and waves a hand to himself.  “When I lived in the ocean… I’m big ya know. I kinda would just open my mouth and swallow. Whatever I caught I ate.” He waits for you to get the jest. Most of the time it was smaller fish and aquatic mammals. When a demon encroached on his territory he would eat them too. The dead were meant for his army, but sometimes they got sucked into.

Instead of nodding in understatement, you cover your mouth with the palm of your hand and snort. His eyes grow big and his blush turns brighter. You were spending way too much time with Asmo. “No-Not like that!” His flailing only makes you laugh harder. Great, as if he didn’t want to die of embarrassment already.

“Well word it better, nerd.” You laugh retreating back to the mound of pillows you claimed for gaming, VR headset in hand. “Come on, we have to start over now- thanks to someone.”

“You started it!” Levi shoots back grabbing up his gear as well. He fiddles with it for a moment before glancing back at you. You were oblivious to inner turmoil over this admission. A naval admiral was one thing. Humans had them too, that wasn’t too much for you to comprehend. Being a devil was easy enough to understand too, at least in his mind. But eating people? Shouldn’t you be more concerned? “So-that’s it?”

You look up questioningly. “What’s it?” 

He raises a purple brow. “You have nothing else to say? I just admitted to eating people!” 

“Not really.” You shrug. “I can’t get too pressed about it. It’s not like you are human. I’m like what-at the bottom of the food chain to you, right?” Levi nods. “See! So no point stressing over it. ‘Sides, you haven’t munched on me yet.” You turn your attention back to the screen, flicking your controller to wake his flat-screen back up. “Unless~” He gulps at the sly eyebrow wiggle you throw at him, the shit eating grin that accompanied it only made him worry.  “Perhaps you just have an appetite for seamen.” 

Your peals of laughter mix with his shrill yelps of objection, as he tackles you. His previous worries were completely forgotten by your teasing. 

Rue: Chapter 3 (A Jasper Hale x OC Imagine)

A play of hide and seek.

Writer's note: I had initially intended for this to be a reader insert piece, but it gets difficult trying to write without a name. So I decided for an OC instead lol

“Welcome to Northern Lights Resort and Spa, how may I help you?” Adeline smiled as she welcomed the next set of guests at the front lobby.

She’d moved to Whitehorse where the city was permanently covered with white snow and blanketed by the night sky more than half of the day. Found a part time job at the local resort, rented a run-down flat in downtown. It was cold and dark and it was everything she needed and loved.

Depression always did look good on her, as Tatiana would say.

But Tatiana would not think to find her here, nor Father, or anyone else for the matter. And she was safe, free to wallow in self pity and self loathing; free to ruminate on every last regret she had.

Thursday nights were reserved for movie nights; the local cinema showed sepia movies every Thursday nights, and it was nostalgic to see Audrey Hepburn and Elizabeth Taylor and all those stars again on the big screen, she was always addicted to the motion pictures back then.

She even managed to keep a fling on the side. A young college boy with golden curls, though his eyes were not quite the right shade of brown, his were too dark. And she wished he wouldn’t talk so much of his self absorbed art pieces, she’d rather he talked about the literature he should be reading instead. She’d picked a copy of Frankenstein from the local book store again, and he’d only given it a side glance and never returned to it again. But he was a warm embrace in the dead of the night, so she guess she’ll let it pass for now.

Other nights though, she would walk out alone in the reserves, hunting, mesmerised by the Northern Lights, solar winds from the sun meeting this earth’s atmosphere, deflected by the earth's magnetism to become polar lights that twist on itself to form an array of colours. It made her feel small, reminded her that she did not mattered, that nothing mattered.

“Your rooms are on the fifth floor, the lift is just past the lobby on the right. Please enjoy your stay here.” Adeline recited her lines, directing her guests on their right way.

It wasn’t much really, but mundane was good, habits made her feel safe. She’d managed to carve out a little safe haven for herself in this gigantic world.

It was enough for now.

Until she felt the strangest sensation in her chest. It had begun as a dull ache, so insidious she did not notice when it first started. Not long after, the pain began to come in waves, crashing, clenching at her heart so painfully she was starting to sweat. Adeline clawed at her chest. Mumbling an apology, she quickly ran to the back and folded into herself, sweating dropping down her brow as she tried to make the pain go away.

It didn’t feel so much as a physical pain. Nor was it the usual warnings that her instinct whispered. No, it was something else, something more emotional, something more primal.

What was happening?

It felt as if she was reminded of all the things she had lost in her entire existence, all the grief she could not hold. But there was another sharp tug at her heart, urging her to move in some unknown direction, lest she should regret.

The feeling only seemed to intensify as the seconds passed. And then she knew.

It was coming towards her. Whatever it was that her heart sought.

Just as the doors to the resort opened-

Adeline Ruelle did the only thing she was good at.

She ran.

In the exact opposite direction.

*

It took them quite a while to even figure out in which direction she had gone. It had taken Alice an even lengthier time to pinpoint which area she might be, scouring all her visions for a single blindspot. It was near impossible.

Jasper’s anxiety was quickly infecting the whole household; everyone could feel the tension in the air, electrifying. Edward and Bella had to take Renesmee to stay in their little cottage; even Emmett had been quiet for most of the days. Jasper mostly kept to himself in his room, oscillating between two extremes, bouncing on the balls of his feet and sitting hunched in the corner, frozen in his thoughts.

“North.” Alice had finally muttered on the tenth day. “Canada.”

From there on, it was another few weeks before the pair managed to locate their target working in a resort in Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada. Tracking her scent, and where the blindspots were appearing, but even that proved difficult. And by the time they had arrived, she had been gone.

Just gone. Her colleagues had no way of knowing where she had suddenly vanished to in the middle of her shift.

They did, however, managed to locate her little flat in downtown.

And possibly a fling or two.

Jasper had simply looked on in distaste at the man, never uttering a single word. Alice was left with the questions.

How long had they known each other? What did she tell him of herself? Did he have any clue where she might go next? On and on and on, which they gleaned pretty much close to nothing for the college boy. Jasper had simply rolled his eyes and stuffed his hands petulantly into his pockets.

Alice though, she did not miss the resemblance the man had with Jasper.

Then they had gone into the flat she had rented. Clearly she had been there before, hastily packing her, possibly, few possessions with her. Except one or two mass paperbacks she had evidently bought to pass time.

Alice watched as Jasper lingered on the little paperback edition of Frankenstein carelessly strewn over the coffee table. Watched as he fingered the cover of the book thoughtfully, then leafed through the pages of the book. When he caught her staring he merely shrugged.

“It was always her favourite.”

She did not miss it when Jasper quietly tucked the book into the pocket of his jacket.

*

“I do know that for the sympathy of one living being. I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”

“That’s a little too morbid, wouldn’t you say so darling?”

“On the contrary, I find it exceedingly accurate and befitting.”

“Come now.” He chuckled good-naturedly. “You are not a monster, darlin’.”

“And who’s to say I am not?” She challenged with steel in her eyes.

“Adeline.” He admonished softly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “You could never be one.”

“And how would you know? Perhaps it is because I hide my fiendish side behind a mask so masterfully that I have deceived the world, and even you.” She hated the shrillness in her voice, the desperation she tried to conceal.

“Sweetheart, only my heart cannot deceive me. You have bared your heart and soul to me and I have seen, have felt the kindness and love overflowing from your heart. How could a monster possess of such?”

“And if I had committed crimes in my past?”

“Then I know with confidence that it was not out of ill intent on your part.”

“You are too kind, Jasper.”

“Am I now? Come let us read something sweeter darling.”

Adeline pouted. “You know it is only my favourite.”

“And I do not understand your morbid fascination of it.”

Adeline huffed in annoyance and Jasper laughed poking her in the cheek. “That being said.”

“The monster was never truly the monster Adeline. It was always Frankenstein. Remember when he said ‘Life, although it may be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.’”

“He loved life more than anyone else, he possessed the gentlest soul and a deep appreciation to life like no other. He deserved to live, to be loved more than anyone else.”

Adeline blinked in shock at Jasper’s passionate outburst and before she realised, a single tear had rolled down her cheek.

“Adeline?”

She leaned forward and to capture him in a passionate kiss.

*

Adeline awoke with a start. Turning away from the blinding sun, she rubbed her eyes blearily. What time was it even?

Certainly not the 1800s.

Misplaced memories. Huh.

Adeline tried not to let her mind wander back to her dream just now, and certainly not the man of her dream.

It was close to three months after that incident at Whitehorse, She was in Minnesota now, surely no one would think to look for her here. It wasn’t New York or Chicago or Seattle. Nowhere conspicuous, middle of the line, your average American midwestern state. Surely that would provide for some camouflage or something?

No matter.

She had far troubling things to be concerned of right now.

She had been going over it time and again since her flight. The incident at Whitehorse was strange really because in all her existence, she had never once felt that before, the strange pull at her heart. The ache in her chest.

Or not?

Something was goading at her in the back of her mind, to examine the incident closer, to remind her of certain memories she would rather not remember; but she refused to let anything surface.

She picked up her new copy of Fitzgerald - Tender is the Night.

She had a shift at the local bar in three hours. She was determined to be their on time and not go down some damned rabbit hole.

*

“It’s here.” Alice looked to Jasper as he took in the environment, the rain falling softly beside them in the chilly January night; the lights from the bar, the cheap building. She hadn’t yet met the girl, but Adeline sure did know how to blend in, finding the most ordinary of places to hide amongst humans. Places not too obvious, but also not too obscure, where no one would bother to look twice, or even think to look.

Jasper’s face was grim and his eyes set. He was radiating anxiety, probably without meaning to. She gently patted Jasper on the back to soothe him.

“It’s alright, I’ll go in first. You wait here for my signal.”

He only nodded.

Ducking into the threshold she was immediately assaulted by the barrage of lights and noise; it took Alice a few minutes before she caught sight of a head of brown curls at the bar table chatting with her fellow bar tenders, all the while cleaning glasses. She made a beeline for it.

“Adeline Ruelle?”

The girl turned towards her and assumed a businesslike front, ready to serve. But Alice did not miss the small tremor in her shoulders, the uncomfortable shift in position, subtle and quick as it may be.

Bingo.

She was evidently a master in concealing her emotions, her nervousness hidden behind a reassuring smile, anyone would have been fooled. Except Alice. She watched the bartender closely.

“I’m sorry Miss, we don’t have an Adeline here. I’m Cordelia, perhaps I can get you a drink first while you wait for your friend?”

“Bourbon, if you would be so kind.”

“Just a minute.” She turned to get the drink and Alice took her time to appraise the girl.

She really was beautiful. Alice thought. She might be posing as your ordinary college student/part time bartender, but the way she held herself, her grace and poise, it was something she could never lose even on purpose. And the breathtaking beauty, she stuck out like a sore thumb.

It was no wonder Jasper had loved her so completely, irrevocably in his past life. How could any man resist such an alluring woman? She could not be mad at Jasper for his choices in his past life; and judging by his recounts and the hardworking girl right in front of her, neither had anticipated the whirlwind of romance and the subsequent breakup when they first met. In fact she might just be a tad bit jealous of the bond they shared, she’d never in her life experienced something so strong and consuming. Sure she loved Jasper and no one could deny the love that they shared. But it paled in comparison to one the two shared. She was almost sure they were mates.

It still left her heartbroken all the same.

But then she remembered the first time she met Jasper; we’re not mates but if you would have me we could keep each other company until our mates showed up. I mean, two is always better than one right? It left her conflicted now; she was reaping what she had sowed.

Yet as Alice continued to observe the girl closely, she noted how her coworkers seemed to treat her as if she was just any normal college student. Talking to her, bantering lightly, she threw her head and laughed heartily. To them, She was just the right amount of charismatic it seemed. And her smell…

It was then she realised she did not catch ahold of her scent.

Had she concealed it? Could one even do so on voluntary grounds?

“Your bourbon miss.” Adeline returned, sliding a small glass across the bar table.

“So what brings you here, to Minnesota?” Alice decided to make a strike.

The bartender’s face twitched momentarily. “Pardon?”

“You don’t seem like you're from around here. You don’t look like it.”

“I mean, It’s a free country. Anyone can go anywhere really.” Adeline shrugged.

“Lemme guess.” Alice pretended to think all the while observing the other closely. “You’re from the South, aren't you? Like Louisiana, or Texas.”

“I’ve lived there, yes… but then again I’ve lived almost everywhere really.” The bartended shot her a tight-lipped smile, the stiffness in her posture even more profound now. “Well if you need anything just give me a holler will you? I hope your friend finds you soon.”

It was her.

Alice watched as she turned to smile at her coworkers and then ducked into the kitchen.

She was making her escape.

Well, they can't let her go that easily now can they?

Alice raced out of the bar immediately, searching for her companion outside the parking lot.

But she was only left with an empty parking lot as the wind blew and the rain fell harder than ever.

All I Want for Christmas is You- Part 2

Summary: Mun-yeong realizes somethings about herself and gets an unforgettable Christmas. . 

Author's note: Thanks for all the love for part one, part two made my heart ache a lot while writing and there’s only one more part to come! Once you finish this part it will be pretty obvious what the next part will be LOL but thanks for joining me on this Christmas journey y’all. HAPPY READING. 

Trigger warning: mentions of child neglect, domestic abuse. Don’t read if those are triggering to you, do what’s best for you. 

It's her fault, she knows that entirely, she was the one to get her hopes up. When she came home and saw the suitcases on the ground, her heart beat skyrocketed thundering through her brittle ribcage babum babum it thumped as she dropped her backpack on the ground and ventured further into the lavish space. Fingers lightly caressed the matte black case as her eyes darted around looking for any signs of humanity.

Glasses.

On the pristine clear center table sat her father's reading glasses. The ones he would perch on the edge of his nose while he would look over his blueprints, nudging them up with a single digit when they slid down the bridge of his nose.

"Father?" The foreign word left her tongue, a word she hadn't uttered for months. She spun around desperately longing to catch even a glimpse of the elusive figure.

There was a distant sound of a door opening and then her father stood there in the hallway. Her lungs almost collapsed as she struggled to complete a simple bodily function she'd mastered since birth.

"Mun-yeong."

That was all he said. And it was the sweetest sound, suddenly flashbacks washed over her of running to meet her father by the door when he would arrive home. He would lift her up and spin her around, her gleeful squeals bouncing off the mansion walls. He would ask her about her day and tickle her little belly before she could answer.

Once upon a time they'd been happy. Too happy. She'd spent so much of her life laughing, maybe that was why the universe was balancing it out now. Before Gang-tae crashed into her world she had no reason to smile.

Flashes of her huddled under her blankets listening to the screams of her parents in the kitchen below, her mother's manic screech as she accused her father of cheating. Her father's adamant denials and then the metal crashes, her mother always became physical, bruises would litter her father's body. Then one day her mother was just gone. Without a single goodbye suddenly she was motherless. But she still clung to the idea of having her father, his love would be the balm on her wounds.

Then he moved them to the city, busy and bustling with life and movement and her eyes widened with wonder and she thought this would be their new beginning.

Her father took countless business trips, so much so that she never saw him, would glare at the other girls at the father daughter events. Remembered shoving a group of girls who called her an orphan, the rage singing through her blood.

Sang-in was hired soon after and she was a demon, she knew it and reveled in making his life a living life. She was demanding and bratty, crying and screaming in equal terms but he was persistent, disgustingly patient. He would smile at her antics fondly and never rise to her bait. Without her permission he was the first one that came to her mind when something good happened in her life.

When she'd written her first story, a morbid thing about consuming the things you loved, it had gone missing temporarily and then popped up in the visor of his car. When she demanded to know why he took her story his only response was, "It deserved to be shown off." She'd scoffed at the sentimental response twisting away to wipe at moisture that escaped.

So all in all it was her own fault for expecting something from someone who had given up on her a long time ago. Who she should have given up on too.

So she'd stood there silently with her father, deep wrinkles marring his skin.

Waiting.

"I didn't think you'd be home, I should have called first. I just came to get some important things, I have another business trip. Switzerland."

Important things. She took in the ties and pens in his hands, carefully folded clothes and sketches. Those were the objects he'd considered important here, she was discarded and left behind but those objects they were essential.

She wanted to scream, to hurl words at him like knives, slicing him up into shreds just like his words had done to her heart.

"Okay."

She collected her bag off the floor, walking past the stranger in the room without a second glance. It wasn't until she heard the front door close that she finally allowed the emotions simmering below the surface to erupt.

The decorations had been the final straw. It was salt on her festering wound.

She didn't expect Gang-tae to show up, thought that he too would forget about her existence. But instead he had tilted her world off axis, uttering words that her ears hadn't heard for years.

Love.

She didn't know what she felt for him exactly, she needed him that much she knew. She knew her jealousy and possessiveness wasn't healthy, knew that he wasn't hers, he wasn't an object or something she could own. But she wanted to. Wanted to lock him away and keep him to herself, there would be other Ju-Ri's- pestering ants- ready to steal him away and she wanted to smash them all to pieces. But did that translate to love, was she even capable of such a fragile emotion?

She falls asleep in his arms, rocked into a fitful sleep as he strokes her head whispering sweet nothings into her starved ears. She wakes up bewildered in her plush bed, thick blanket tightly tucked around her frame. When she ventures out into the living room after brushing her teeth and brushing her tangled hair, the sight of her boyfriend with an apron around his broad chest is enough to knock away some of the ice around her heart.

"What are you doing? You didn't go home?" Her voice is sleep laden and raspy even to her ears and she watches with feminine satisfaction as a chill runs down his body.

Twisting to meet her eyes, he locks eyes with her. The warmth in his deep orbs could rival that of the sun. It's almost painful to look at.

"Good morning. I didn't want to leave you. I called my mom last night, told her I was staying with Jae-su. How are you feeling?"

Like shit. Her eyes are sore and her throat is scratchy like she swallowed a bucket of sand.

He nods as if she spoke words, reading her face like an open book.

"Here." He hands her a cup of tea. "The soup will be ready soon and the rice is finished. Can you get us some plates and chopsticks?"

She absently listens to his requests, getting what they need on autopilot before sitting at the table and watching him move comfortably in her kitchen. After a minute of stirring and tasting he deigns the soup perfect and he brings the hot pot over to the table, before going back to scoop fluffy white rice into a deep round bowl.

The aroma perfumes the space with smells of spice and warmth, and she watches as he serves the food, handing it to her first.

"I hope you enjoy the meal."

She can't remember the last time someone made food for her, the closest thing she has is room service and one time Sang-in made a grilled cheese for her, too burnt around the edges and the cheese not all the way melted but she'd seen the treat on an American drama and demanded it.

"Thank you." She replies barely a whisper feeling vulnerable before him, he's seen her at her worst so many times but for some unfathomable reason he hasn't left. Unlike Sang-in he's not getting paid so she truly doesn't understand.

The first sip of soup is delicious, salty and thick with chunks of fish, potatoes and soft tofu. She hums at the flavor eagerly going back in for more, stuffing giant spoonful's of rice into her mouth until her cheeks puff out.

His airy chuckle breaks her single minded focus and she peers up at him inquisitively.

"What?"

"You're cute." He shrugs, looking her right in the eyes as if he isn't the same boy who blushes when she holds his hands.

"Cute? I'm not cute. And why are you so brave lately?" His confession replays in her mind, her traitorous heart thumping away frantically in recollection.

This time he does pause, putting down his spoon and looking at her over the  table with a serene little smile on his achingly handsome face.

"Love makes you brave."

She chokes on air, sputtering and coughing at his boldness again.

His laugh is loud and booming this time, rattling her bones and then he dives back into his soup with a happy chuckle.

"We're leaving after we eat. Wear something warm."

"Don't tell me what to do." She fires back. But she walks off to her room to change after slurping the last bits of the soup, ignoring his amused brows and knowing smile. Annoying.

He's changed too when she comes back out and she looks at him confused.

"I had Sang-tae meet me with a change of clothes earlier."

She wonders what time he woke up to do all these errands and why he's even going through all this trouble for her, she's not worth it.

But he looks gorgeous as ever in an emerald green turtleneck and dark wash jeans, his eyes are positively gleaming as he looks at her. She's swaddled in a cashmere cream sweater that hangs over her thick plaid skirt and tights. The way his eyes graze over her form makes her warm and she escapes before he can burn her up.

As she bends to tug on her winter boots she feels his presence behind her, he tugs her backwards into his hold. She immediately stiffens at the affection, unprepared for it.

"You look pretty."

Her heart flutters at the soft words whispered directly into her ears and she scoffs, leaning back further into his embrace.

"Why are you so mushy today?"

He hums instead of replying, suddenly spinning her around and she almost falls at the rapid move. He catches her with a strong grip on her waist.

"I really want to kiss you."

Her breath hitches as she gazes up at him, taking in his hungry stare and red lips. She reaches out to latch onto his sides, tugging him closer until their faces are inches apart.

"Do what you want."

He doesn't need to be told twice and almost instantly he's devouring her, licking at the remnants of soup on her tongue. She rises on her tiptoes to fully meet his passionate embrace, his love driving out all the cold that still stubbornly remained. His hands slide into her soft tresses as he bites at her plump bottom lip, sucking the sore flesh into his hungry mouth. A moan escapes her throat and she can feel how his fingers tighten on her scalp. When they break apart, he looks dazed running his tongue across his lips as if chasing her taste. It lights a fire in her belly.

"Okay now we can go."

"What the hell is this place?" She sneers looking around in contempt at the beaming families.

"A tree farm. I come here every year to pick out a tree with my family. I wanted to pick one with you."

She turns around walking away, skin crawling from being in such a place. He must have lost his mind. But he catches her hand in a large clasp and when she looks back vehemently, she meets his puppy dog eyes and pleading bottom lip.

"Please?"

She's not going to fall for that, he's not even that cute. No, she's definitely leaving and locking her door and telling security but to let anyone up.

"What about that one?" He inquires dragging her to another tree, identical to the one before it.

"They all look the same, I don't care. You pick." She whines for the hundredth time about ready to stomp and throw a tantrum like a child they'd walked past earlier.

He shakes his head and walks away again spewing some crap about finding the perfect tree for her. And then she spots a crooked tree in the corner, far away from the other trees. It's a decent size but it leans slightly to the right and the pines aren't as full as the other trees they've seen. It looks discarded and abandoned as a family walks past it, "Definitely not this one. Who would want an ugly tree like this? They all snigger. Something like sympathy swirls in her belly and she catches Gang-tae's eyes.

"I want that one."

He nods asking no questions, "It's perfect. I'll go get someone to pack it up for us."

It's not until they have the tree wrapped and tied that she remembers that they took a cab here.

"How are we going to carry this thing home?"

Gang-tae looks up from his phone with a smile before a car horn sounds behind them.

"With help." He points behind her and when she turns around she meets the grinning face of one Lee Sang-in, waving from the front seat. He hops out and immediately picks up the tree going back to strap it to the hood of the car.

Then he opens the car door for her with a bow, "Young mistress. It's good to see you."

She rolls her eyes at the title, he hasn't called her that since she was young and wanted to pretend she was a princess.

She hears Gang-tae thank him quietly before sliding into the car right after her, their thighs pressed closely together.

"Where to now? Sang-in asks adjusting his mirror

"Hom--"

"The mall." Gang-tae interrupts and she looks at him in surprise. "It's part of your experience, trust me?"

She doesn't respond but it scares her that her heart immediately says "yes", she does trust him.

When they reach the mall he grabs her hand again, pulling her out with a quick "See you later" directed at her driver, who nods in response driving off to find parking.

"Why are we here? I don't need anything."

He looks at her mysteriously before speaking, "You're going to buy gifts for the important people in your life."

Her father's voice echoes in her head and bile collects in her throat. He must notice the shift in her mood because he pulls her close.

"Shhhh. Not them. The important people in your life. The people who you love."

"Who....who I love?"

He drags her away from his hold and looks into her eyes softly brushing her cheeks.

"Yes. The people who make you happy. Only think about that."

Nodding she finally breaks from his embrace and steps into the mall, it's busy and crowded but Gang-tae uses his body as a shield and the shopping begins. By the time they leave the sun has began it's descend, vivid yellows and pinks painting the sky.

As if summoned the car pulls up by their feet, Sang-in hopping out to open her door once again.

This time when they both get in he doesn't ask them for directions and starts the familiar route back to her place. Head too heavy with ideas she stares aimlessly out the window, too overwhelmed to converse to Gang-tae.

When they reach her apartment she is unprepared for the sight that greets her.

On the sidewalk standing in the blistering cold are Sang-tae, Seung-jae, Jae-su, and Gang-tae's mother. They all begin to wildly wave when they see the car pull up.

"What?" She barely gets out before Gang-tae is tugging her from the car. Bounding over to the small group.

His mother is the first to speak, "Interesting how you slept at Jae-su's house but here you are at Mun-yeong's apartment." Her face is hard as ice while looking at her son but it melts to the warmest smile when she sees Mun-yeong. She ignores her son's breathless excuses and his older brother's mischievous sniggers at his little brother's discomfort.

"Oh Mun-yeong don't you look pretty? You must be cold, let's head up." The woman links their elbows and begins to tug her into the building. Seung-jae skips along with them happily linking arms from the other side and introducing herself to Gang-tae's mother.

Behind her she misses Sang-in trying to leave only for her boyfriend to block him, dragging him along with the group.

"So fancy." Gang-tae's mom whispers looking around, clutching at her threadbare sweater looking self-conscious and Mun-yeong tightens her hold.

"I like your house better." She says honestly, thinking about how much love is soaked in every surface of the small home. The smile she receives is better than all the riches in the world.

It's not until she reaches her front door that she remembers the mess she left behind, turning to Gang-tae with terrified eyes she looks for help.

He smiles at her, shaking his head and waving her in.

With trembling fingers she pushes the key into the hole and opens the door.

It looks at neat as ever, not a decoration in sight but all the broken glass and tinsel is gone. It looks reborn.

Breathing out a breathe she didn't release she was holding she steps inside, there aren't enough slippers for everyone- she's never had this many people over- and Sang-in rushes off to get extras from the front desk.

"Well, let's get started." Gang-tae's mom says, opening a large box she was clutching in her hand. Inside are the prettiest ornaments she's ever seen, homemade ones and lopsided ones that look like they were created by a child's hand.

As if reading her mind the woman lifts one bringing it closer to Mun-yeong before leaning in as if sharing a secret, "Gang-tae made this for me when he was six. He was so proud to show it off. Every year we put it on the tree, it deserves to be shown off."

The motherly pride bursting from her eyes steals Mun-yeong's voice and she remembers when someone said those very same words to her. Finding his eyes in the room, the urge to hug him washes over her but too frightened by her own emotions she hugs herself tightly instead.

"It's pretty."

And then it's a whirlwind of movement, Gang-tae's mother putting everyone to work- the men are setting the tree up in a corner by the window, while Seung-jae is on decorating duty leaving her on chopping duty in the kitchen.

"I'm not very good with a knife." She admits, embarrassed by her uselessness, it's clear that Gang-tae and Sang-tae were taught to be self-sufficient, both comfortable in the kitchen.

Instead of chastising her the woman takes the knife she was holding awkwardly in her hands.

"You need to hold it like this unless you'll chop those dainty little fingers off, I hear you're a writer so be extra careful. Just hold it like this and let the knife do the work." She models as she instructs Mun-yeong slicing the carrots into perfect rounds, before handing the utensil back to her.

"Try."

And so she does and they're nowhere near as perfect, not as even but they aren't too bad and pride sears under her skin.

"I did it."

"They look great. Keep going just like that." The praise makes her light-headed and she keeps chopping, wide smile spread across her lips.

"Hey Mun-yeong-ah, do you like this here?" Seung-jae calls from her spot on the couch, standing on it to put a sparkling string of snowflakes draping from the curtains.

She nods in reply. Too choked up to find her voice.

Her friend looks at her with warm knowing eyes before turning back to her decorations.

"We should let Mun-yeong put the star on top. Hey, Mun-yeong we're done over here, you wanna put the finishing touch?" Jae-su calls out to her, bits of tinsel lost in his hair as he waves her over to the almost completely decorated tree. The lights are twinkling, reflecting beautifully in the glass and she steps forward with her heart firmly lodged in her throat.

She stands in front of the tree, staring up at the empty spot for the star.

Gang-tae places it in her hand, his thumb gently swiping across her trembling skin.

"Here I'll help." Sang-in whispers, stepping behind her and lifting her off her feet so she can reach the top of the tree. Tears glisten in her eyes as she finally places the star on top.

"It's perfect." Her voice is too soft, she doubts anyone heard it.

But then they all explode in a small applause.

"It looks great Mun-yeongie! Nice job!" Sang-tae calls out, clapping the loudest before meandering off to try to steal food from the kitchen.

They all snigger at his pained "ow!" as he's thwarted once again by his watchful mother.

By the time they're sitting down to enjoy the feast her mind is going a mile a minute, listening to the rambunctious conversations around her as her world collides with Gang-tae's. She's never sat at this dining table before, opting to eat her meals in the safety of her room. But now she understands why others do this, eat together. It makes her fuller than the food she's shoveling into her mouth.

"One more minute." Sang-tae says loudly checking his watch.

When the clock strikes twelve, all is moving and she's passed from arm to arm until she's finally in familiar arms, Moon Gang-tae. He rocks her side to side as he tucks his head into her hair.

"Merry Christmas Mun-yeong, I love you."

She clings to him, emotions bubbling up as she fights back her tears. I love you. She thinks it loudly in her mind, this must be what love is. The way that she feels about him has to be love, it's too big to be anything else. She's certain.

"You don't need to say anything. Just know that I'm not going anywhere. That's love. It doesn't ever leave."

All these damn confessions. He'll be the death of her.

"Annoying."

He giggles before pulling away to hug his mom and Seung-jae fills his void, lifting her off her feet and she can't stop the cheerful laugh that explodes out of her.

She's happy.

They all clean up, pushing her on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate with large marshmallows. And then she realizes they're all going to leave, she's going to be alone again.

Cold icy dread fills her gut until the inevitable moment comes.

"We're all done. It's pretty late. We should start heading out." That's Gang-tae's mother as she packs away her things neatly and Mun-yeong wants to get down on her knees and beg them all to stay.

She's pulled into a warm embrace again.

"You make sure to come over often okay? We need to practice your chopping skills and fatten you up, you’re too skinny.” 

It's not a question but she still nods letting the woman hug her and Sang-tae ruffles her hair, punching at her chin and asking her to keep Gang-tae in line, she smirks in response nodding.

Seung-jae hugs her and promises to text when she gets home, skipping out the door to catch her taxi.

Gang-tae kisses her head and she presses her face into his neck, "Thank you."

He hugs her closely, breathing her in before twin coughs cause them to break apart.

He rubs his neck bashfully under the hard looks from his mother and Sang-in.

With a final bow, Gang-tae leaves with his family. But not before promising to come over tomorrow. Love never leaves, it always comes back.

Then it's just her and her driver.

"He's a good kid. Did you have fun today?"

She turns to look at him with wet eyes, tears finally falling after all the kindness she was shown today.

"Sang-in," she chokes out, "Why didn't you ever quit?"

He looks at her curiously before walking to sit on the couch, patting the cushion next to him in invitation. After a moment she sits down beside him melting into his arm around her shoulder.

"You were such a demon." He finally speaks and she turns to stare at him, his eyes are filled with fondness. "You were demanding and I was scared to come to work sometimes honestly, I did think about quitting once. Just once. But then I read that story you wrote, do you remember?"

She sniffles, "Yeah. The girl who ate everything."

He nods in agreement, "The girl in that story was so lonely that whenever she made a friend she would swallow them whole. Or they would run away. I knew that girl just needed someone to show her that you don't need to own everything you love. They can just live beside you, loving you too."

"I bought you a gift." She pulls away, brushing away her tears to collect the gift that Gang-tae helped her wrap in her room when everyone was busy.

She runs off to get the gift and brings it back to Sang-in, thrusting it at his chest. He looks at her with wide eyes before grabbing the shiny red square.

He opens it gently, peeling away the tape instead of ripping the paper, reverence in his very move.

He stares at the black box before prying it open.

Two buttery soft leather gloves stare back at him.

The gift feels stupid and too little in the wake of the words he just said to her and she's about to tell him that she'll get him something better and this isn't his real gift, she's never done this Christmas thing before she needs practice and--

"I love them."

He slips the driving gloves out of the box, sliding them over his calloused hands.

"Thank you Mun-yeong."

His reaction forces her to be honest with him, "I want you to be my driver for a long time. So you need to take care of your hands."

He nods softly, "Yes. I'll make sure that I do."

"I also got you this. If it's too weird you don't have to use it."

It had caught her eye at the mall, seeing it on others before but knowing she would never get to give it to anyone. But then Gang-tae had been there telling her to get it, she looked at him like he was insane but he insisted, "You know who you want to give it to. Stop hesitating, your heart knows best."

So she shoves another box at him, looking away in embarrassment, not emotionally ready to watch him open it.

He gasps when he does. A loud gasp that bursts out of his chest, he leans back into the couch as if sitting is too difficult.

"I.. Mun-yeong... I don't....thank you."

#1 dad.

Those are the words on the tie that hangs from his finger, the tie is silky smooth a deep hue of blue that has bits of silver when it catches the light.

In every sense of the word he's been like a father to her. More than her own father ever has.

"He's really rubbing off on you isn't he?"

She can't argue. Without his guidance she would have never done any of this, wouldn't have looked into her own heart to find these hidden dormant emotions. 

"I think I love him."

Sang-in stills before brushing her hair behind her ears, "Then I'm not the one you should be telling. Love should be expressed. “ 

“I will. I’m going to tell him.” 

Tomorrow can't come soon enough. She has to tell him how she feels.

I'm in love with Moon Gang-tae.

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i think i'm loveless.

and what that means for me is, i have a really weird relationship with the word/concept of love

(these are just my personal thoughts, please don't reblog if you dislike or disagree; if "loveless" means something different to you, okay, but this is what it means to me. please don't tell me a different label is better or more accurate, or that what i've described sounds like love. these are my thoughts. my emotions. you do not get to police them.)

sometimes "love" feels so empty, like i've said it so much it's lost its meaning. and sometimes it feels like it means so much the word can't even hold it.

does that make any sense at all?

i legitimately used to try to conceptualize love by asking myself "would i feel sad if this person died? yes? then i guess i love them" and it was morbid ig. but the answer was always "yes," for anyone i knew. obviously if someone i didn't know died, i might never know, i wouldn't really feel sad, or feel loss from their death. but my friends? family? of course i'd miss them. it would hurt if they died. so obviously i loved them.

.......i...don't think that's how love is supposed to work lol. i don't think kids are supposed to need to imagine people dying to figure out if they love them. grief should not be the marker of love.

so: i'm loveless. i like saying "love," and i like saying that i love people and things. and sometimes it feels too much, like love is too much to be possible. and sometimes it feels empty and it sort of hurts. what is love anyways?

i'm not heartless. i do feel emotions, often very strongly. i feel love, but also i don't, because i don't even know what love is supposed to feel like. is it the protectiveness i feel when i think about someone i care about getting hurt? is it doing my best to stay level when i'm upset? is it the enjoyment i get from cooking, from experimenting with flavors? is it the soft moments when i'm reading and my cat is purring next to me? is it the thrill of a book i can't put down? is it happy stimming? i don't know, and so all of those become "love" as a shorthand. i love reading. i love cooking. i love my cat.

but for anything i could label "love," there are more specific words and phrases i could use. ones that mean more, even if they're longer to say. reading is like magic. i enjoy cooking and experimenting. i really like spending time with my cat because it's relaxing and he's so precious to me.

sometimes i can't express exactly what i feel, because i don't know the words, or i can't think of them, or it'd take too long to explain. so i say "love" instead, because "love" is something people understand. even if it doesn't feel quite right.

and too often, people use "love" as an excuse. "i love you. i want you to be happy. that's why i'm telling you this. that's why i'm doing this. i love you. it hurts sometimes, because love hurts sometimes."

so: i'm loveless. for good or ill, that's the word i'm choosing at the moment. it's the word that feels the best right now, maybe not the most accurate, but the most comfortable. it may change in the future, idk. lovequeer looks pretty nice too. (can you use both at once? or fluctuate between them?)

but right now, loveless is what feels good.

so: i'm loveless.

love you ^_~

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : Happy Finan Friday dear readers!! So this chapter we have more of Finan and Vicky getting to know each, and god I love them. Anyway! I'm having fun finding song lyrics for my chapters titles, it makes them look ✨cool✨

Warnings : blood and death (again lol)

Chapter 3 : We've opened the door, now it's all coming through

Victoria couldn't help but develop a real fascination for the way she's now so easily healing. Most of the time it's only accidental, she drops a glass and cuts herself when she throws the debris or cooks and burns herself. Each time, any wound has disappeared in a matter of minutes. She's still not used to it, but she realizes it doesn't affect her everyday life at all, in fact, she's even starting to like it and finding it pretty useful. She even contemplates talking about it with Rebecca, there’s no secret between them, and this is definitely a big secret. 

And in matters of secrets, Rebecca doesn’t forget that Victoria didn’t talk about the person who was in her apartment a few days ago. “Are you going to tell me about him?” She asks before bringing her frapuccino to her lips while they are sitting at a Starbucks table. 

“About whom?” Vicky raises an eyebrow, feigning misunderstanding.

Becca rolls her eyes, leaning back in her chair. “The boy that was at your flat.”

“There was no boy.”

“A girl maybe.”

“Neither.” Rebecca narrows her eyes, she’s always been hard to convince. And in all honesty, it will be very hard to convince her that there was no one, because when it comes to Vicky’s love life, she’s tough. “I just have plumbing problems.” She lies, looking down to her own coffee.

“Oh, of course, my bad.”

Her friend doesn’t search further, but Vicky is pretty sure she won’t give up and will ask again and again. When she goes back to her place, she doesn’t expect to find Finan sitting on her staircase. She stops a few stairs below, staring at him with wide surprised eyes, waiting for him to raise his nose from the book he is reading.

“The hell are you doing here?” She finally asks, upset by his lack of reaction.

He looks up to her and smiles, pointing at a small plastic bag next to him. “I came to return ya the sweater.”

Vicky frowns, climbing the last stairs to unlock her door while he is closing his book and standing up. “You know, it was my ex’s, I didn’t particularly want to see it back.”

She can feel Finan behind her, looking down to her. “Ya got a point.” 

She watches him for a brief moment above her shoulder. This time his beard is shorter, which undeniably suits him in her opinion, even if she never had a particular thing for bearded men before. Her ex couldn’t grow a single hair on his chin. “Have you been waiting here for long?”

“Two hours.”

“Creepy.” She replies, opening the door. “Do you want something to drink?” 

“If ya’re proposing.” He shrugs. 

Once again, they were both standing in her flat, though this time she hopes Finan wouldn’t end up dead on her parquet. She comes back from the kitchen with two glasses of water, handing one to Finan before leaning against the table. 

“So…” She begins, determined to know more about the strangest man she has ever met in her life. “I guess you're not living in London, right?” 

He takes a long sip of water before shaking his head. “No, in a small house lost in Ireland.” 

“Alone?” She asks curiously.

“Yes.” He answers after a pause. “Believe it or not, but I try to not make myself too known.” He says slowly, agitating the water in his glass by moving his hand in small circles, his gaze fixed on it.

Vicky tilts her head. “Because of the theorists?”

“In part.” He looks up to her for a brief instant, his deep brown eyes meeting hers. “Before the Second World War, I could live in some place for ten or fifteen years then just move away.” Then he sighs, almost nostalgically. “Now, it’s more complicated, with all the technology.” He meets her gaze again, but this time it’s more intense and severe, making her feel nervous. “No one must know about it.” 

“It’s hardly something I can hide.” Vicky replies, trying to keep the atmosphere light, but she can already feel the unpleasant outcome of this conversation. 

Finan is silent for a long moment, walking to the table to rest his empty glass on it. He’s now close enough for her to have to raise her chin to stare at him, but he avoids her eyes. “That’s why ya’ll have to leave too.”

“What?!” She gasps. “No! I have my family, my friends…”

“Ya don’t understand.” He cuts her off and meets her eyes. “Your family, your friends, everyone is goin’ to grow old and suffer and ya…” He pauses to take a deep breath. “Ya’ll still be yourself and won’t be able to do anythin’ for them.”

Victoria is breathless, both because of what he has just told her and because of how she can read in his eyes that he knows what he is talking about. Though, letting everything behind, all her life, doesn’t sound like an option to her. She straightens, as if she could tower him, but she’s still a head smaller. 

“And where would you want me to go? I’ve not been living on my own for a century, if I disappear, it won’t go unnoticed.” She replies, her arms tightly crossed over her chest.

Finan sighs. “Listen Victoria, maybe ya're family is wonderful and will accept it. But nowadays, one person knowin', and it's potentially the whole word who would know.”

Victoria frowns, understanding the warning behind. “Do you think people could want us bad if they knew?” 

“It wouldn't be the first time.”

She bites her lips, her teeth sinking into the tender flesh as she looks down to her glass. She has to admit it, if the knowledge of their existence ever fell into the wrong hands she doubts scientists, politicians or whoever could find interest in their abilities would let them live freely. It feels so surreal, she’s always lived a rather simple life, not that she’s ever complained about it, but since she let Finan step into her apartment a week ago everything has been shaken out. 

“Ya still have time.” He adds, his hand resting on her shoulder in a gentle way.

Victoria nods. “Are you going to stay around? Or go back to Ireland?”

Finan hesitates, his palm leaving her shoulder to rub his face. “I don’t know yet.”

“Well…” She says and he stops scratching his beard. “I still have a lot of questions. So if you could stay around for a short while.”

Vicky is surprised by how endearing she finds the smile that grows on Finan’s face, small wrinkles appearing in the corner of his eyes. “If ya want me too.”

And so, Finan remains in London, spending his time in the mediocre hotel, of what Vicky has seen on TripAdvisor, that he is renting. The rest of the time he is with her in her apartment, answering every of her questions. She enjoys learning about his life, usually over a beer, and it seems Finan does as well. In the course of a few days she learns that he was born in Ireland sometime during the ninth century and that he left for England where he fought for a saxon lord, during Alfred the Great's time. He’s easily the most interesting man she’s ever met. But he also has the talent to make every story more interesting than any of her history teachers ever succeeded. He describes each battle he took part of with so many details Vicky wonders how he can remember everything. 

“Fightin’ was the only thin’ I was good at, so I kept doin’ that.” He says after she has asked why he devoted his life to fighting.

Vicky uncaps a new bottle of beer and sits next to him on her sofa. “But you don’t fight anymore.”

“Nah…” His eyes darken in the same way as when he remembers a sadder part of his life, which Victoria is getting used to having only brief explanations of. “After the Second World War, I felt like I needed some peace.”

“I can understand.” When she was small, she remembers her grandmother talking of how the war changed her father from a lively and smiling man to a silent and constantly gloomy one. Finan had fought in more wars than she can count and to know that this one has signed the end of his warriors life reminds her of how it was a war like no other.

But her time with Finan isn’t only about morbid battles, the warrior had his share of travels. When he’s talking of them, it doesn’t sound like the world she knows. He describes places still untouched by the desire of humanity to build its own tower of Babel.

“Have you been to America? After Christopher Colombus discovered it.” She asks curiously another day.

Finan chuckles. “Nah, I’ve never liked the sea. So crossin’ a whole ocean for some lands...” 

“Some lands? It’s like one of the greatests discoveries in history!” She answers feigning offense, her hand pressed to her chest. “You’ve never been curious about all the gold you could have found there?” She leans back on the couch, bringing her bottle to her mouth. “Maybe you’d have been rich.”

“Pity.” He smirks, being rich clearly being the least of his ambitions. 

Besides their discussions about Finan’s life they also have normal conversation. She lends him books from the shop, crossing her fingers that no one would notice some of the books are disappearing for a few days. The second time she does that, she adds a phone to the small pile of books she hands him. Finan frowns at it and then at her. He slides the books in his bag before studying the cell phone. It’s the simplest and cheapest she has found, just a screen and a keyboard, it only cost her 10£.

“Why are ya givin’ me that?” He mutters, doubtful. Vicky finds it amusing, despite having lived through all the evolution of modern technologies, Finan seems to be as comfortable with it as her with administrative paperwork.

“Well...” She starts, putting the groceries she just bought in her refrigerator. “I just thought it would be easier for me to send you a text when I’ve finished work. Not that it bothers me that you wait for me in the staircase, but I doubt it is comfortable.”

“I was getting used to it. I haven’t bein’ waitin’ in front of a Lady’s door for ages.”

Vicky looks at him from above her shoulder and can’t help the redness rising in her cheeks when he grins amusingly. She immediately looks in front of her again when his gaze travels from the phone to her. “I doubt I correspond to your definition of a Lady.” 

“I’ve got a very broad definition.” She could hear his smirk as he speaks, the one that she has started to notice being so characteristic for him and all she can do is to answer with an awkward giggle.

When she’s done, she turns around and crosses her arms against the counter, Finan standing at the other side. “Have you… Have you had many relationships since you first died? I mean, serious ones.” She’s almost certain he won’t answer this question, but living eternally without anyone to love has been scaring her for a few days.

“One.” He answers surprisingly fast. “It didn’t end well.”

Victoria nods slowly, his answer being enough and understanding it isn’t a subject he wants to dwell on. Apart from the arrival of Finan, her life doesn’t change at all. She keeps working at the bookshop, drawing in her sketchbook when there are no customers. Vicky has always loved to draw, a passion she has inherited from her mother. Sometimes, she wishes she had the guts to apply to art school after high school instead of getting herself into business studies that she grew to dislike. When Finan asks her why she didn’t follow her dream, she answers that did it to stay with Rebecca. Her best friend has always been better than her when it came to school, and her parents always felt the need to compare them. Doing the same studies as her was more to prove to her parents she could do it too. At the end it has been an absolute failure, Vicky giving up her studies and finding a job in the bookshop.

One day, she has a call from her mother while she walks back to her flat. 

“Do you think Rebecca would still like to join us for dinner one night?” Vicky’s mother asks through the phone. 

“Sure, especially if you make her lasagna.” She smiles.

Her mother laughs. “Rebecca loves beef stew.”

“True, but I crave for lasagna.” Vicky justifies herself, the simple idea of her favorite food creating a hole in her stomach.

“Alright sweetheart. This weekend then?”

“Great! I’ll tell her.”

When she hangs up, her attention on her phone, she doesn’t realise she’s walking into someone until two strong hands grip her shoulders to stop her. She jumps and looks up in surprise, about to step back until she recognizes the man with sunglasses and a hoodie as Finan, whom she texted earlier when she walked out of the bookshop.

“Watch out, lass.” He warns, smiling anyway.

“Sorry, I was texting Rebecca.” She explains, easing under his grip. He removes his hands, his fingers lightly grazing her arms. They walk together to her flat together, Finan silently following her while she finishes her text. When they reach the building and climb up the stairs she finally starts to talk to him. “I won’t be here on Saturday.”

“Oh?”

“Family dinner.” She unlocks the door and Finan answers with a low hum. 

Their evening goes as usual except that this time, Victoria proposes to him to stay for the night. 

“I mean it’s late, and it’s raining. I would be a really bad friend if I kicked you out.” She says, waving her hands while he stares at her with a raised eyebrow.

“So we’re friends now?” He grins, leaning over the table. 

Victoria looks away. “I still consider you the creepiest man I’ve ever met. But if you’re the only person I’ll have to support for eternity, I guess I’d better consider you as a friend.”

When she finally dares to look at him, he has the broadest smirk pulling at his lips and she has to admit it, he really is handsome, with his dark, however sparking, eyes. “Friends we’re, then.”

After she has prepared the couch for Finan to sleep, she joins her bed. As usual, since she had her accident, Victoria struggles to find sleep, and knowing that Finan is sleeping in her living room isn’t helping. Not that she fears him, but she can’t help but overthink about her reaction around him. It’s been a while since she’s found a man truly attractive, not only physically, but his whole being. And in all honesty, with how awkward their meeting has been, it definitely is not a feeling she expected.

She finally falls asleep listening to a Florence + the machines playlist. But much to her dismay, her sleep isn’t peaceful. Since she has met Finan, the dreams have seemed to disappear, but tonight is different. Victoria is back in the forest where the Irishman died, she can even see him from the corner of her eyes, but her attention is mostly focused on the young blond man she has drawn. He is fighting as well, until he is hit by a shield. He stumbles, falling on the floor and catching his breath after the rough impact. And Vicky can feel his fear when a Dane, of what Finan told her of this night, slices his throat in a sharp blow. The young man chokes in his own blood and she shakes in horror as she can feel the life leaving his body as she did with Finan. 

A/N: Ehehe So what do ya'll thing this dream means 👀 ?

Also, for the great fans of TOG that would read that, I am taking liberties regarding how dreams works during all this fic, I haven't read the comics, only seen the movie and to transcribe such thing is kinda hard. I hope yall won't mind and appreciate how work with them 🤷

Tag :​ @for-bebbanburg ​ @naps4bats ​ @osferth ​ @maggiescarborough ​ @finansarms ​ @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby

bright { connor stevens}

synopsis: connor knows your soul and you know his. now that knowledge is put to the test. 

authors note

part two of haunted!

in this story a evil eye bracelet is use, which is a talisman used for protection against misfortune and injury. i have used evil talismans since childhood and their apart of my culture which is why i’m adding them into my writing. 

also i tried my best to reconstruct the timeline so if there’s some mistakes and gaps, i tried lol. 

also the major plot twists i threw into this? whip lash worthy

Your walk home was accompanied by your tears and broken heart. While your mind was on auto pilot buzzing through every moment you spent with Connor, trying to pin point the exact moment everything had gone wrong. Was he being honest with you? Did he suddenly start caring all of a sudden what your over bearing parents thought about your relationship with him? Or was he just never into you that much to beginning with. You weren’t immune to hearing the whispers in the hallway and how cruel your classmates could be, while Connor always reassured you. Your mind always had that deep corner that was out for blood and to hurt you.

Your cheeks were raw and your eyes were stinging by the time you had returned back home. All the lights were out downstairs and upstairs. You snuck back into your bedroom with ease. You had no willpower once you entered through your windowpane to do anything. You shrugged off the jacket and your shoes, managed to changed into the first pair of clean pajamas you saw and the second your head hit the pillow, you were out. 

You woke up to your alarm and felt like you had been left on the side of the road after being ran over. You sat up to check your phone and saw that there had been a few notifications from your socials and texts from Luke, they were about Connor. Adding insult to injury. You stared at the texts debating if you should even them, and deciding against them. You couldn’t deal with this decaffeinated. 

“So he just broke up with you? Out of nowhere?” Carrie said as you had finished ranting to your friends. You nodded and her face furrowed. “That’s out of character for him, he looks at you like you put the stars in the sky.” She said nonchalantly making a turn onto out of the coffee shop parking lot. You took a sip of your coffee. 

“It’s so out of character for him.” Kayla commented from the backseat, you turned slightly to look at her. “Obviously we don’t know him as well as you do but c’mon that’s so weird.” It was weird, you didn’t put everything together in the moment but something was definitely going on. 

“You’re right.” You murmured. You didn’t want to give yourself excuses but something was definitely going on. As you rolled into school you noticed Luke and your eyebrows furrowed, Connor wasn’t with him. They always walked to school together. Unless he ditched. 

“Hey!” Luke announced as he walked up to Carries car when you’d gotten out. “Hi.” You said shortly walking past with your friends. “You seen Connor yet?” You and your friends stopped short. “Why would she keep tabs on her ex?” Carrie snarked. Confusion washed over Luke and he went silent as a sympathetic look was cast your way. You smiled before you and your friends continued your way to class. 

After school, you stayed late to hang with Kayla as she choreographed some more things for dance while you worked on your homework. Eventually you were both kicked out by the boys wrestling team and when leaving the coach asked if you knew where Connor was, you shook your head and went your way with Kayla. “He didn’t show at all today?” You voiced with concern to Kayla, she met your face with mutual concern. “You should call him. Breakup aside this is some criminal minds type shit.” You nodded. You pulled your phone out and your finger hung over his contact before you finally pressed down. 

The ringing went on and on which just built up your anxiety. Then his voicemail. “Hey it’s Connor, leave a message if you even do that anymore it’s the twenty first century.” You swallowed and looked at Kayla. “Hey, i know i’m probably the last person you want to hear from but where ever you are can you just call me and let me know you’re not kidnapped or something morbid like that. ok bye.” 

“Effective.” She said as you opened the passenger door. “Well sorry i don’t have a go to my ex who i love is missing might be missing and i’m concerned voicemail at the ready.” You said buckling your seatbelt. “Weakling.” She said pulling out of the school parking lot. 

“Where’s y/n? “ Hanna asked as they went through Connor’s backpack that they had found in the woods the day prior. Luke hadn’t spoken anything of Connor and yours breakup with the rest of the group and they’d been confused on the absence of their friend. “Connor and her broke up the night before he went missing.” Luke said to the group. The room went silent other than the humming of the art room lights. 

“Is that why she’s been avoiding us?” Gabby asked, she’d seen you several times and you’d dodged. It wasn’t intentional it was just that they were Connors friends first. “Probably.” Jai said continuing to look through the backpack when a letter addressed to you fell out. He looked at the group, “Nope not reading it.” 

“None of us are!” Hanna said as Luke inched towards it. Gabby nodded, “I have class with her next period. I’ll give it to her.” She said shooting the boys looks. The boys both put their heads down like dogs in the dog house. 

Eventually, the bell had rung so the group went separate ways and when Gabby saw you in class she sat next to you before you had the chance to move seats she dropped the letter on your desk. “We know why you’re avoiding us. But he left this for you, Luke found his backpack in the woods yesterday and he’s convinced something happened.” She said keeping her voice down not wanting to draw any attention to the two of you. You nodded taking everything in. 

You slipped the letter into your backpack. “I want to help but things with my parents aren’t the best right now and besides my shifts at the book store i’m on lock down.” You explained to her, there was nothing more you wanted than to help Connor. She nodded. “I totally understand. I’ll text you updates.” She said with a reassuring smile. You gave her a smile and then turned your attention to the class even though the only thing you could think about was the letter in your backpack. 

It had been hours before you were able to read the letter that Connor had left you. It sat there taunting you. You ripped it open and didn’t know what to feel. It just had a post it note that said you’re enough, then ticket stubs from dates you’d been on and a wax bracelet with an evil eye charm attached. You put the bracelet on almost instantly. Nothing made sense.

 What you had was a piece of the puzzle. 

On Monday, Connor was here. Sleep deprived, worried eyed and self heart broken. Tuesday came like sunrise and he was gone as if he never existed. The only thing left was his backpack and laptop that was password encrypted. 

On Tuesday, his backpack had been found in the woods he last was in before he disappeared. With trinket lights, a letter for you, and a note that was chalked up to be clues. 

On Wednesday, his friends went through his backpack at school. Hanna and Luke snuck into his house and stole his laptop in hopes of figuring out more about what happened to him. Later, that day Jai finds out the group didn’t make it out of the woods in time and was in deed cursed by the shadow man. Jai was almost taken in his basement, Hanna and Seth were almost taken in their living room, and Gabby while on a jog.

Not being able to get any contact of Luke who was at wrestling practice, Gabby stole her mom’s car to hopefully save her friend. The group took refugee at Connor’s house for the night. The shadow man came back and they managed to fight him off this time. Hanna cracked the password to Connor’s laptops and they figured out that he was cursed too. He was researching into the curse and was going to the lighthouse to preform a ritual to end it all. 

Pieces came together, like the corners of a puzzle. 

When Thursday rolled around you found yourself studying in the cafeteria when Gabby and Jai came to sit with you. “Hey.” You said looking up from your textbook. “Hi.” Gabby said with a nervous look on her face. “What’s going on?” You asked looking at the both of them with confusion and concern at the same time. 

“Your mom’s maiden name is Murphy, right?” Jai asked as he pulled out an old yearbook. You nodded, “Yeah but what does this have to do with Connor?” Jai placed the open yearbook in front of you. “This is June Murphy, she was the first victim of the shadow man curse we think, she was the light house keepers daughter, well one of them.” Gabby explained to you. 

“One of them? Whose the other?” You asked flipping to the next page, and staring up at you was your own mother. Who looked somewhat like. “Oh shit.” You muttered. “We didn’t know for sure.” Jai said sympathetically.

“It’s definitely her, probably think it was me if her name wasn’t there.” You said looking up and pulling your phone out to take a picture of the year book pages. “She chastises me for lying when she has a whole hidden identity.” You said slumped in shock. 

“We’re sorry.” Gabby said placing her hand on your wrist in an act of comfort. “Maybe she knows something that can help with Connor?” Jai implied, you shrugged. “I’ll talk to her later and let you guys know if it’s anything helpful. I have to go meet Carrie about the glow dance.” 

“Also Jai, If you’re planning on asking Kayla. Her dress is purple. Just a heads up.” You said as you grabbed your textbook and walked away from your two friends with questions swirling around your head. How was this suddenly a real life scenario in your life?

“Mom!” You announced when you walked in your house. She was in her bedroom. You hadn’t talked to her since the night you last saw Connor. “We need to talk.” You said, She smiled. She thinks she going to win, she has no idea what’s coming. 

“I’m so glad you came to your senses about that boy.” She said. You laughed pulling your phone out. “No we need to talk about your double life.” Her face went pale and fear overstruck it. You had never seen your mother scared in your entire life, not even when you broke your arm. 

“Tell me your secrets and i’ll tell mine.” You said with your arms crossed. She sat there for a minute before she exhaled. “First you need to understand everything i did was to protect you. Second, i need to know what you know. ” You nodded, you’d never seen your mother like this before so whatever she was about to say must be gospel truth. 

“I know June Murphy was the lighthouse keepers daughter, well one of them, she tried to save the lighthouse and failed, then she died. Not so long after the light house was shut down and then her dad died not so long after her.” You said and your mom nodded. 

“June fought to save the light house and was only a few signatures short. She’s a lot you, you’d like her.  One night she decided she’d turn the lighthouse on by herself. Only problem was we’d thrown the key off the cliff into the water earlier that day. June swore she saw it hanging by a low branch. So we went to get it. It was pouring so when she came just close, she slipped and she fell.” Tears collected in your mothers eyes and you regretted everything you said about her earlier. 

“My father was devastated and took a book of shadows. He turned himself into a monster to try and get my sister back. In the end, i lost them both.” She said as she stood up and went into her closet pulling out out a medium sized wooden chest. 

“I changed my name, moved to an out of state college and when i married your father. We moved back here, perfect place for a family. No one remembered me because there was nothing worth remembering anymore.” She placed it down and opened it. There was pictures, a baby blanket and other keepsakes. 

“At the time i couldn’t understand how my father turned himself into a monster to save a daughter he lost, when he still had one who was alive. But after i had you. I understood. I could never let that happen.” You sat there. Your parents had been hard on you but if this was the reason? You had no reason to complain. 

“Does dad know?” You asked. She nodded, “You can’t go through something like that and keep it to yourself you need to let burdens off your shoulders and lean on the ones you love.” You nodded. She sat next to you on the bed “I’m sorry about what i said about your boyfriend.” 

“He’s not my, um, that’s a whole mess right now.” You said to her. “He broke up with me the night we fought, i snuck out of my window. Then went missing the next day and his friends who are also my friends, but that societal you can’t have mutual friend with a significant other bullshit was in my head, found out he was in the light house cottage before he disappeared so they went there too. He wasn’t there but his backpack was in the woods, which are cursed so now they’re cursed and they’re trying to save him and themselves before the shadow man takes them like they took Connor.” You rambled on. Your mother look at you as you had three heads. “Are you cursed?” She asked placing a hand on your shoulder.  

“No but like i’m sitting on the sides watching everyone i love get taken so i wish i was at this point.” you said as your mother took you into a hug and you started to break down. “I don’t know what to do, i need someone to tell me what to do.” You cried into her shoulder as she soothed you like she used to when you were a baby. 

“It’s going to be alright, we have something that the shadow man doesn’t.” she said getting up and grabbing something from your dads side of the closet. A small book, before she grabbed your hand. “Where are we going?” You asked. “A family reunion.” She said as you both walked out of the front door and into the car. She looked over at your wrist, “Where’d you get that?” It was the evil eye bracelet.

“Connor left it for me before he disappeared.” You said subconsciously rubbing the bracelet to soothe yourself. “Smart move.” She said as she pulled out of the drive way. “Why?” You asked you knew the evil eye was protective. “A protective talisman, gifted by a lover? He had every intention of protection you from the shadow man whether he was taken or not.” She said looking over. “Breaking up with you, the letter, and the talisman? He loves you. Call it motherly intuition.” 

“Yeah well when we save him, i have a lot to talk to him about.” You said as you looked out the window. “You could talk to me about it.” You looked back. “I realize that in these past years protecting may have drawn a wall between us and that's not what i want and that's not what i ever wanted.” You knew it would take some time but you wanted it too. “I don’t know if that would work. I usually complain about you and dad.” You joked as you looked back out the window. 

“A magic shop? What are we witches?” You said to your mother. She turned to you. “Mom.” She ignored your advances and once you made it to the door you were asked about a password. 

“Lemme guess abracadabra?” The door slide open. This wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened this week. “See you’re a natural.” Your mom winked. Your eyes widen. A man in an extravagant purple suit answers the door. He’s taken back. That makes two of us. 

“Okay, to recap. You’re my dad’s brother but he decided to never bring you up for some unknown reason and my family has ties to magic and shadow powers?” Your mom and Sardo nodded. “Is there any other major family secrets you wanna tell me?” 

“Teenagers.” Sardo muttered. “Wait teenagers as in plural.” Your mother said turning her attention to Sardo. “Yes i run a magic shop, teenagers come in.” He said nonchalantly. “Have any other teenagers come in today asking about the shadow man?” You asked. 

“Well there was this group of rugrats earlier today.” The midnight society. “Earlier this week this tall, lanky, one dressed in all black came in for a spell book.” He explained. “Connor?” You asked. Sardo got up and went through his purchase slips. “Yes, Connor Stevens.” 

“What’d he get?” Your mom asked while you got up and took the slip from your new found long lost uncles hand. “Skeleton key and a love potion.” You said looking back up at her. “He didn’t use a love potion on me.” You said to your mom. 

“Oh this is the boyfriend? Wow family drama must be fun on facebook!” Sardo said sitting down. “He had the book of shadows though. How’d he get it?” You asked as you put the slip back. “He broke in and stole it on monday night.” He exclaimed.

“It was in a life or death situation, i think that’s excusable.” You reasoned. Sardo shook his head, “That book brings nothing but trouble and even more darkness into the world every time you open it. It’s a book of shadows. Its dark magic. Not white magic.” He announced with a dissatisfied look on his face

“And you all want me to learn this? I’m not being sold on it.” You said sitting back in your seat. “There’s more than dark magic. There light magic, green magic, crystal magic and so on. Every practitioner chooses between the dark path and the light path.” Sardo explained as he stood up to grab a grimoire. 

“What path will help me save my friends? Is there a path for that, cause i want that path.” You said as your mom rubbed your shoulder. “You don’t choose a path, the path chooses you.” Sardo explained pushing the grimoire close.

“What if dark magic chooses me?” You voiced, silence washed over the room. “Why do you want to save your friends?” You were taken aback, why? “Wouldn’t it be easier to let them all just be claimed? Throw in the towel, make new friends.” 

“No!” You bellowed. “That’s not right, there’s always a way and when there’s love there’s light.” You explained. Your mom smiled at your answer. “If that’s how you feel. Dark magic won’t choose you.” 

By the time you’d left the magic shop it was late and Gabby wasn’t answering her phone. You’d given an update about what had happen. 

It was starting to make sense, not perfect sense, not just yet.

On Friday the glow dance had rolled around, what also rolled around was a stomach virus that had cause Carrie and Kayla to miss school and not be able to attend the dance. Gabby hadn’t been in class so you assumed she was also out with the stomach virus. Hanna met up with you during lunch letting you know what happened the night before. She tells you that Luke’s returning the book of shadows after school and everything should be back to normal now. Oh how wrong she was. 

You weren’t able to see Connor after school, you had a shift and then were going to get ready for the dance. Gabby texted you that he was feeling up to going so you’d see him there. An hour into the dance and you ended up wandering the halls. You had felt this pit in your stomach and needed air. 

But once you went into the hallway the pit just grew larger and larger. “Hey stranger.” Your eye evil bracelet burned and blinded. You looked up from your wrist and turned around. “Connor?” You asked. There was a screaming voice in your head. It felt wrong. “Who else?” He asked coming closer. You saw a light shine through a classroom and walked backwards towards it. Once the light enveloped you and Connor still stayed back. His sleeves were rolled up and his wrists were bare. The real Connor wears a rainbow bracelet you made him. 

“The shadow man perhaps?” You suggested, the smirk on “Connors” face dropped. You inched closer to the switch that controlled the hallway lights and switched it on, when the lights were on “Connor” was gone. 

You started to go towards the gym seeing your friends on stage with Sardo and “Connor” in the crowd knowing a rescue mission was already in place. All you could do was stand there and wait. Within ten minutes, the shadow man had out smarted your friends and Jai sacrificed himself to save the group. 

On Saturday you were completely left out of the loop. You heard nothing. Gabby wasn’t answering. Hanna wasn’t answering. You feared the worse and could do nothing to save your friends. That what Sardo said earlier was going to come true. You still had that pit in your stomach. You were reading your grimoires but it felt useless, why study if right here and right now. The people you care about most are disappearing through your finger tips. 

On Saturday night your parents brought you upstairs and put your to bed, but you stayed restless with worry. You stared at the ceiling and walls of your bedroom before at some point your mind gave up and lulled you to a nightmare filled sleep. Losing Gabby, Losing Hanna, Losing Jai, Losing Luke. Losing Connor. Like a broken tape it looped over and over and over. 

It all fell apart right in front of you.

On Sunday morning Kayla and Carrie had recovered from their stomach flu. Your mom invited them over in an effort to distract and cheer you up. You told them everything. Life’s too short to keep secrets from your best friends. Especially when you don’t know how long you have left with them. 

Suddenly it was Friday again and you were at your shift at the book store again. You pulled your phone out to text Carrie and Kayla. They both responded with the same texts they did on the Friday of the glow dance. “What the actual fuck.” You muttered. The door rung several times signaling a mass group of people walked in. 

The midnight society had just seen that Sardo was alive and remembered that you work Friday shifts. Which caused them to practically sprint to see you, Connor leading. When your friends all walked through the door you stopped in your tracks. “Seen a ghost?” Gabby said with a smile. “i hate you all i hate your children and your childrens children.” You said rushing to hug her. 

“Hear that Connor?” Luke said causing his friend to hit him upset the head. “That’s a two way road.” You said hugging Hanna. Then Luke, Jai and Seth. Then there was Connor. 

“I’m gonna go take a nap, really tired see you guys later.” Gabby said excusing herself. “Same honestly, later.” Hanna said leaving with Seth. “I’m just going to go.” Luke said dragging Jai with him. You laughed at your friends. 

“I’m scared that if i walk any closer you’ll disappear like last time.” You said looking at him. He walked towards you. Grabbed your hand and placing it on his heart. “This real enough for you?” He said leaning his forehead against yours. You smiled. Noticing the blinded evil eye he smiled, “So that worked.”

 His head moved to rest on top of yours and you wrapped your arms around his torso. “Legally, you’re obligated to stay like this for at least twenty minutes.” You laughed moving your head into the crook of his neck. “I’m okay with that.”

“I didn’t mean breaking up with you, i just didn’t know what happened when he took you and couldn’t let that happened to you.” He said slightly holding you closer. “I understand. Just never do it again.” You said to him, he laugh and nodded. 

“So the glow dance?” You pulled away because your shift was starting to end. “You’re up for that?” You said as you started putting stray books in the resort bins. “I’m always up for a good time.” He said sitting on the front counter. You nodded, “Pick me up at 7.” 

“What about your parents?” He questioned. “A lot happened when you were gone.” You said starting to rant to your boyfriend. 

it rebuilt it self.

Survey #428

“there’s more money in tragedy, more net worth in self-pity  /  so you’re doubling down inside of your screen, hiding behind attention you seek”

Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Yeah. I've told friends that platonically, and I've said it to two people and romantically meant it. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No. Have you seen all The Lord of the Rings movies? I haven't even seen one. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in 2014? I had one. Can you walk in heels? I mean I can, but I don't like to. What does your mom say about the pictures on your Myspace? First the '14 question, now this... I don't think Mom ever had a Myspace, but I can answer for Facebook. She's always the person to "heart" react them and say something about how "beautiful" I am or something. ;x; What was the last thing you and your parents argued about? Idr. Do you feel your life is at its best? Fuck no. There better be better times than this. What do you worry about the most? The most? That's hard to say... but probably my career future. Or really just the future in general. Have you ever let someone be your everything? "Everything" still feels like an understatement. He was my source of happiness, a massive part of my own identity, and my promise for a better future. It was so, so unhealthy. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in their arms? Two times, I wanna say? What are some things you do when you’re mad? I get snappy and try to isolate myself to cry it out. How do you feel about your hair right now? I hate itttt. It's getting too long and just boring. I'm hoping I can get up with my hairdresser soon for a trim. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know? Uhhhh... I guess that I was a dancer for many years. I feel like I don't really fit the general "aesthetic" of dancers, so people have definitely been surprised to find out I was one. Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? No. Just because no one ELSE is there, I'd embarrass my damn self lol. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state/county, would you? Fuck yes I would. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? It's funny, because that's what the traumatized, overly-attached part of me wants (at the bare minimum), but my common sense knows that's dumb as fuck. I could never healthily be friends with him. Are you scared of fireworks? No, but others are terrified by them, so keep that in mind. Does anyone know every little detail about you? No. You woke up one day and discovered that you were only able to see in black and white… as well as one other colour. What colour would that be and why? I guess red? It sounds morbid for it to be the first thing my mind goes to, but that way, I'd be able to see blood and therefore be able to detect a symptom of danger. What is your favourite soundtrack for a film/video game/television show? (Though feel free to name as many!) Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus have fucking LEGENDARY soundtracks. What is your favourite Pokémon? Ninetales! I also really love Espeon and Umbreon, too. And Charmander. And Pikachu. And Skitty. And... well, too many, ha ha. What is something your best friend of the opposite sex does that you can’t stand? He calls me "kid" a lot. Is the last book you read a really well-known book? It's not world-famous or anything, but it seems relatively known by teens/young adults. At least, I follow a lot of artists who make fanart for it. Do you have anything besides just songs downloaded on your iPod? No. When at the beach, do you spend more time on the beach or in the ocean? In the water. I hate the beach itself. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Have you ever babysat before? Did you enjoy this job? Yes, and no, not at all. Have you ever busted a window before? Why did you bust it? No. Do you still get scared watching old horror movies? You watch them alone? Horror movies pretty much never scare me, never mind old cheesy ones. I don't mind watching them alone. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? I'm terrified of big knives, and it has nothing to do with movies. It's a fear that started after Mom stopped me from a suicide attempt where I was going to slit my throat with one. They just radiate danger for me. Have you ever tried to sing opera? Did it work out for you or no? No. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? I've never bought any furniture, and I don't recall the last thing Mom bought. Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? Yeah; we split because we were essentially two shaky towers leaning against one another. We have to learn to straighten ourselves up independently before that relationship even becomes a "maybe" again. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? Neither. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? Nothing really, besides being born in an icestorm. My birth itself was totally normal, as far as I know. Mom considers it pretty extraordinary though because according to her, I took one look at her and smiled so big. Says a lot about our relationship now. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? *shrug* What is the next book you are going to read? The book that comes next in the series I'm reading. Who was the last person to do something nice for you? My mom does nice things for me every day, like making dinner, letting me live under her roof... a lot of stuff. Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Yeah, some of my stuff. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Someone asks you what you want; what do you say? Happiness. Direction. What was the last thing you complained about? Just being incredibly sore. The gym's kicking my ass, but it needs to, so I'm fine with it. How do you feel when you hear other people complaining? It depends on how frequently and about what. It can become overwhelming sometimes, especially if it's over something truly trivial. Has your name been in someone’s Facebook status lately? No. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? I have the original animals one, as well as the African animals one (which I surprisingly like less). What was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. Do people praise you for your looks? Yeah, definitely not. Do you like your eyes? No. I wish they were bluer and wider. Tell me what your back pack looks like: My last one was a galaxy texture. What celebrity do you think is hot? HMMMMMMMMMMMM I DON'T KNOW????????????? NEVER SEEN ONE IN MY LIFE O: O: O: Last movie you saw in theatre: The The Lion King remake. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? No. What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? I'd rather not dig through the memories to find what I'd consider the "cutest." What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? A chicken pesto bowl for lunch. Did you ever watch Phil of the Future? Occasionally, but I was never big on it. Do you have an online game that you play often? I play World of Warcraft pretty much daily. Do you prefer regular or electric toothbrushes? Electric. What was the last thing to piss you off? Truly piss me off, I'm not sure. When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? Months ago in my room. I want to take a new one to update my Facebook profile pic, because I think I'm ready to return there. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment or praise? The first day at the gym, Mom told me she was extremely proud of me, and it meant a lot. I truly think I can stick to this, and it's a fucking phenomenal feeling. What’s one thought you have regarding the subject of love? It can be the most beautiful thing in the world, yet simultaneously has the capability to be one of the most painful. Do you think that it’s possible to fall in love at a young age like eleven or twelve? Who am I to say, honestly. I lean towards no because at the age of puberty, you're really all over the place with your hormones and emotions, and I just don't know if it's possible for two pre-teens to have the maturity level to grasp what it truly means to be in love with someone. But again, what do I really know? Everyone is different. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? Yeah sure, if it's something I'm in the mood to engage in and I'm in love with the person. What’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born? We're the home of Pepsi products. I know, of course I would share a fact about soda, ha ha. What’s one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? Where I am now as far as "adult development" goes. I don't drive. I don't have a job. I still live with my mother. I could go on and on... By this point, I definitely expected something much, much different when I was younger. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? Hm. I don't know. What was the worst phase you’ve ever gone through? *shrug* What excuse did you use most often to skip school? There were times I'd pretend to have a really bad cough. I could fake a nasty cough, man. Are you shy about singing in front of people? Very. Honestly, do you put your elbows on the dinner table? Yes, because why the fuck would that matter. I don't get how something so simple and harmless is "bad manners." Have you ever taken a picture in a public bathroom? No. Yes or no: corsets? I. FUCKING. LOVE. CORSETS. UGH I wish I could pull one off, omfg. In your opinion, is money the root of all evil? All evil? No. There are some horrible crimes people can commit that have nothing to do with money. Do you own a pair of overalls? Ew, no. I hate overalls. What is the best game to play while in the car? Uh, idk. Has a movie ever made you jump in fear? I'm sure at some point. Jumpscares are hard to be unfazed by; it's just a natural reaction to something sudden. Yes or no: pickles? Bro I LOVE pickles. Yes or no: strawberry ice cream? Ugh, no. Do you know what your mom’s favorite movie is? No, actually. Are you a role model to anybody? No fucking way I am. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? Somewhere around six or seven pounds. Look outside the nearest window. What can you see? From where I'm at, I can just see the shed. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Cutesy, pastel stuff, probably. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. Are you considered a very sensitive person? Very. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes. What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It's hot as fuck outside. You will NOT see me outside today. What does your last text message say and who is it from? It's just a thumbs up emoji from the woman who works at my psychiatrist's office. She schedules my phone appointments with him. Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No. Why did you leave your last job? It was WAY too fast-paced with lots of responsibilities that I just couldn't handle. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? No, that's awful. What’s your favorite scent of air freshener? Probably something floral and subtle. Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? Ugh. I pick my fingernails off badly, so they're a mess rn. I also DISDAIN my feet because they are horribly callused from when I used to walk like crazy. It's so weird how I can exfoliate the area and scrub (... and sometimes tear) them off, but they're pretty much immediately back. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? A couple years ago with Girt and Sara, I think. We played Scrabble. How old were you when you first became sexually active? Do you mean like, doing anything sexual? In which case that would be 16. I woulda been 16 or 17 when I actually lost my virginity, though. Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? A load of people. Does anyone not know somebody? Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No. Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? No. That's a foreign concept here. It's one of the very alien things I experienced in Chicago; I don't really think I knew it was a thing (save for massive attractions, like Disney Word and stuff) before then. Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? No. We live in a cul-de-sac, and our road is further into it, away from the main road.

Would you kill me if I asked you to do all the emoji thing for hanryou lol 😝

☯ Send Me An Emoji ║ @kathexismania ☯

😤 - Something about your muse that makes mine angry

“His recklessness and obstinacy have always been the cause for my frustration, but... Nowadays, I doubt I can actually get angry at him in particular - no matter how stupidly stubborn he may occasionally act, my discontent grows out of worry and care rather than annoyance or ire itself. Even in the time of parting or disagreements, our bond doesn’t cease - if anything, the only reason I ever confront Hanzo is the desire for him to heed to my voice a bit more often. To remember that I wish him good and to know that he deserves the share of peace and love, no matter of his opposing beliefs. And this is the matter about which I will stay uncompromisingly persisting...”

😰 - Something about your muse that worries mine

“The very same matters I just mentioned, plus I can add here his morbid willingness. This whole nonsensical concept of ‘life isn’t meant for everybody’... He says it’s no one’s mindset but his own, yet knowing his past and trusting the experience of mine... I nonetheless believe it was long-ingrained within him by outer forces and most likely without his inital realization. I wouldn’t be surprised if once he believed oneself to be some kind of instrument, a tool of certain authority rather than actual human being. I am more than sure his late wife brought him a certain enlightenment about it, and I can only thank her for that... ”

🤥 - Whether my muse thinks yours is an honest person

“He is. At times, even brutally so, which I believe causes people think he’s crude and unthoughtful, while in reality it’s quite otherwise... At least, when it comes to the ones my husband is close with. Let this be something I got used to, it's not the best quality once you need to reach a certain goal with cautious mean, especially when the right person is already wary towards the men of our profession. Guess in this case professional partnership adds to the pros of shared workfield...”

😈 - If my muse has dirty thoughts about yours

“We are highly active, willingly married couple... Why won’t you try and guess?”

💩- A mean thought my muse has about your muse

“Hasashi, I love you, but damn I swear I'll kick your ass myself if you will do that again... Something like this, the train of such thoughts is usually pretty similar when it comes to me.”

👌 - Something my muse finds amazing/impressive about your muse

“The fact he embarked on the path of atonement and is determined to follow it with no askew is already more than worthy of admiration. Let his motives being somewhat selfish and price he paid terrifying, not many would be willing to go through such drastic change. For good or bad, his willpower in general never stops to amaze me. Even though we both think we met our match when it comes to each other’s volition...”

👍 - Something that my muse approves about your muse or thought they have done very well

“I can’t thank him enough for helping me to finally deal with the downside of my restrainment. The treatment of wounds, any wounds, can be quite hurtful and requiring of the certain anesthetic... My emotional stagnancy wasn’t exclusion. Despite me being absolutely pissed at the whole damn world the morning after our ‘cooperative therapy’, I’ve never felt so relieved in ten years as I did feel later, like it was some kind of abscess upon my very heart getting opened at last. For this and many other things that was brought by our relationship, I will always be grateful...”

😘 - How my muse shows affection to yours and if it’s different from how they show affection to everyone else

“I guess I'm way more... physical when it comes to Hanzo, in the mean I barely mind and even tend to initiate the occasional tactile contact in spite of the risk to catch a prying eye. While the most of our affections will always happen behind the close doors, at times I cannot help but yearn for something as allegedly simple as the hold of his hand. Makes me feel like some shy adolescent boy, yet all the same there’s something lovely and beauteous in the moment his palm or fingers take a returning hold of mine.”

📺 - What show my muse thinks yours will enjoy watching (together, or just in general)

“Our work schedule doesn’t allow to us pay that much attention to movie industry these days, but I don’t remember us ever watching the movies of Akira Kurosawa. Then again, it can be easily fixed during our joint days off...”

💀 - Whether my muse thinks yours is dangerous and how dangerous

“We are both dangerous, in various meaning of this word and when we need to be... Neither of us has a peaceful past nor serene field of work, so becoming a reciprocal menace in reaction to the threat can be vital for the sake of survival, either of our loved ones or our own. Men like us... They will do anything possible in order to protect the people they love. Regardless if this will require them to sacrifice their own live or take the one of their enemy...”

👑 - Whether mine thinks your muse is of high social status and/or whether they respect them in such a way

“It’s no need to mention I’ve fallen in love with my husband for who he is as a person... Honestly, I’ve never paid that much attention to the status issue. Furthermore, growing up in highly esteemed family and being surrounded by peers like mine, I know well such matter can serve as the force of deception - I cannot tell how often I had to encounter the spoiled brat who believed they allowed to do whatever they want because of their parents’ money, and how the look of their faces changed once they realized the boy who dared to resist them is no less rich. Respect is to be earned, regardless if you’re some kind of modern prince or the child of simple worker. Unfortunately, the crowd tends to believe otherwise...”

🥃 - How many shots of strong liquor my muse thinks yours can take before passing out

“I think the better question will be how many bottles... Then again, it can depend on his current condition, because it’s either just a few shots or a whole damn gallon not being enough to put him to rest.”

🎁 - What my muse will get yours for a present

“Well, it’s for him to know at his Birthday... Or any other day I will decide to make him a certain gift. After all, does the present really stays an actual present if you know what you’ll be given beforehand?”

🍿 - What my muse thinks is entertaining about yours

“We challenge each other. Motorbike race, the contest of dry humor and sassiness or... other matters of our life together, it’s nice to have a worthy opponent for a friendly brawl. Though my husband may be a sore loser at times, in my view it’s a win-win situation either way, for I enjoy the process as much as the possible victory.”

📚 - What my muse thinks your muse’s usual reading material consists of (a specific genre, smutty literature, etc.)

“Does operation reports count? It’s been a while since I saw Hanzo reading an actual book rather than work’s material, but I can't and will not make a complaint in relation to this - our job requires such a responsibility. All the same, his workaholism causes the stir my concern, no matter how hypocritical this may sound...”

🍽 - What kind of table manner my muse assumes yours to have on first meeting them

“Not the best question to ask when it comes to our couple. Recalling how tense and cranky our relations were at the very start, I doubt either of us tried to think much about each other - it was only about getting my work done as soon as possible and be over with it until the next visit. Now, I think we both were too hurting and too headstrong to see anything else aside of established images. In a way, this makes feel thankful for that hostage incident...”

🏆 - What my muse thinks of your muse regarding a specific achievement yours have

“Specific? Oh well, I believe you should name an exact one then. There’s actually a lot I can be proud of in relation to my husband and people may have a different opinion towards what to count as some sort of achievement. High career rank and well-build physical form is usually the first to be noticed...”

⚔️ - If my muse wants to have a fight with yours

“Sigh... No. Actually, I question if I ever truly wanted to fight or harm him in any way... No matter how much I treaten to kick his ass, due to his recklessness or during another of our sparring sessions. If anything, I’m still sorry for how prejustly I could treat Hanzo back in the days. Pretty sure he feels the same...”

⚰️ - What my muse will say at your muse’s funeral

“I... don’t want to think about that, all the more answer on this question. The death of beloved one is something you cannot and should not plan or even imagine - it brings no use and only gives a rise to unnecessary ache. Regardless of how morbidly curious one’s mind can be, it reality you won’t ever be ready for this kind of things. The thought itself is devastating enough...”

💎 - The most valuable object my muse can willingly give your muse

“Whatever he’d need from me... We can act grumpy about us stealing each other’s clothes, but in reality it’s really that simple.”

📣 - Something my muse will say in defense of your muse being unfairly accused

“A few would dare to make any of such accusations about my husband right in front of him, yet there were some attempts behind his back I was drastic to prevent. As a rule, people doing that lack certain intelligence along with caution and know nothing of Hanzo and what he had to come through, while I on the contrary manage to possess a sufficient data about my opponents in order for them to be quick to hold their tongues once they’re clever enough. One shall think twice before opening their mouth...”

💃🏿 - Whether my muse would want to dance with yours

“We already did, and it was quite a pleasant suprise for me to learn he’s capable of waltzing around without any actual preparation. I wouldn’t mind if he’ll express the wish to do it again once we will have a spare time or will pay a visit to Sakai’s familial residence - there’s very specific beatitude can be found in the instants you’re circling around the dance hall within the hold of your beloved.”

👗 - Whether mine thinks your muse looks good in their usual clothing/their chosen clothing style

“He does... Albeit, as long as he’s safe and sound, he looks good for my vision either way. In the eyes of beholder and all that, you know?”

🎻- If my muse thinks yours can play an instrument, or what it is

“I’m aware Hanzo doesn’t play any. Althought, as much as I don’t mind being the only musically inclined person in our pair, it would be interesting to see him learning... Knowing his tastes, a guitar would probably suit him well.”

🎲 - If mine thinks your muse’s luck is good or bad

“I don’t know... I’ve never believed much in luck anyway, however, I believe its concept is far from being so simple... Much as one’s morals, the fortune can be incredibly relative and versatile.”

💰 - If my muse will pay the ransom for your muse if they’re kidnapped

“I think Hanzo would rather want me to find the bastards who kidnapped him and bring the frigidity of justice upon their rotten heads. Not to mention, it’s unlikely someone would be foolish enough to attempt doing this to the commander of Special Team, at least not for the money...”

✉️ - Whether my muse would want to keep in contact with yours if they are apart

“We’re husbands... The answer is kind of obvious, don’t you think?”

👀 - The most interesting/memorable rumor my muse has heard about yours

“When we just started dating and yet had to reveal our relationships... Some of my former colleagues and the members of his squadron asked if we finally found a lady friends, which was especially amusing to hear when we appeared to be in the same room. Yeah, one gruff six-something-feet tall brawny girlfriend I was happy to become a spouse for, heh...”

JLPT Level: N2

This is my favorite word in Japanese. Do you know why?

Because my favorite game in the entire world is this:

Yes, it is Katamari Damacy (塊魂), the greatest game series EVER. 

FIGHT ME

I know you guys come here to learn Japanese, but today you’re gonna learn about this game and it’s gonna CHANGE YOUR LIFE

YOU’RE WELCOME

You are the Prince (the little dude in green), a happy-go-lucky guy who has to beware of narrow doorways. Your father, the King of the Cosmos and hands-down the most fabulous being ever, got drunk and accidentally blew up all of the planets and like everything. Oops. So rather than cleaning up his own mess, he sends his 5 cm tall son to Earth to roll up items using a sticky ball called a katamari, and then the King turns the completed balls into planets and stars.

SO. DANG. FABULOUS.

The levels are all unique and there are different challenges. Sometimes the levels are timed, sometimes they are size-based, and sometimes you have to get the katamari to the proper size within the time limit. And there are a lot more levels with unique conditions that have to be met. 

The controls are also interesting. In most games, the left analog stick is for moving the character and the right analog stick is to adjust the camera. But in Katamari, you have to pretend that you are rolling the katamari with both hands, so you have to move the katamari with both analog sticks in tandem. 

This game breaks the mold in ALL THE RIGHT WAYS

There are so many aspects of this game that I love. There are so many items laying around in the levels that you always manage to find something new no matter how many times you play. When you roll up humans they scream and my morbid sense of humor delights. The absurd challenges and premises are hilarious, and the gameplay requires a finesse that is both challenging and fun.

Also, pretty much every game ever congratulates or rewards you in one way or another when you complete a level. But your father, the King of the Cosmos, will NEVER in a million years praise you. You can get 100% and he will say, “I’ve seen better.” and if that doesn’t reflect real life idk what does

Oh, the memories...

OH AND DID I TELL YOU IT HAS AN AWARD-WINNING SOUNDTRACK?!

The soundtrack is killer. I recommend “DISCO☆PRINCE” and “Everlasting Love.”

The original Katamari Damacy came out for the PS2 in 2004 (writing this I realize that was FIFTEEN years ago omg). Since then there have been several other Katamari games released for different platforms. My personal favorite is Katamari Forever for the PS3. I think it’s the most well-rounded, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. Katamari is one of those games that takes a day to learn but a lifetime to master. 

KATAMARI DAMACY IS A WAY OF LIFE

Let’s learn some kanji

塊 katamari  lump, clump, mass, cluster

魂 tamashii (stylistically romanized as “Damacy”) soul, quintessence

Anybody can play Katamari. But to excel at Katamari, your soul must be one with the katamari. 

TO ROLL IS TO BE

This game encapsulates Japan at its finest

Just look at that weird-ass picture. That’s not fan art--that’s from the opening title screen of one of the games. That’s OFFICIAL KATAMARI, YO. And every game is just as extra and zany as this from start to finish. 

I was already watching anime and reading manga when I heard of Katamari and started playing it, so my interest in Japan was already there. But playing Katamari Damacy made me all the more curious about Japan. 

When I rolled up ookonomiyaki, I wondered what it tasted like.

There’s a level where every single thing has a price on it, and you have to create the most expensive katamari. And I rolled up a randoseru (an elementary school student’s backpack) that was $100, and I was like, “HOW IS A BACKPACK THIS EXPENSIVE.”

Even though all of the text is translated into English, there are a few in-game characters that speak in Japanese. When you roll up a camper he yells “Yamete yo,” and there is a level where you have to help a sumo-wrestler fan who wants to become the yokozuna (the strongest sumo wrestler). Instead of rolling around a katamari, you roll around him, and all you do is roll up food and he grows fatter and fatter. Every time he rolls up food he says, “Gottsuan desu!” which is the way a sumo wrestler says “arigatou gozaimasu”

I loved the soundtrack for We Love Katamari so much that I bought it, and I learned the words to the songs and sang along to them as I played.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say with this ridiculous rambling post about a 15-year-old game about rolling random items up because your asshole dad makes you is that you should

Seek Out Learning Materials that Don’t Feel like Learning Materials

A lot of people think that learning a language has to be done by hitting your brain with a grammar book until the stuff sticks and by doing Memrise or Anki or whatever until the words are seared into your mind. And yes, unless you’re a savant or something you are going to have to do your time and study with those traditional materials if you want to use the language with accuracy. 

But unless you’re a bookworm or unless you are absolutely balls-to-the-wall about learning Japanese, you’re going to get tired of that and you’re going to give it up at some point.

That’s why you need to find other materials that don’t feel like studying, and I’m here to tell you that games like Katamari Damacy is one of those materials, even if you play it in English.

When you learn a language, you’re not just learning the words and grammar patterns. As I’ve illustrated in previous posts, a language and a people’s forms of expression are shaped by their culture and history, and I truly do feel that Katamari Damacy provides a fascinating look into Japanese culture. It fueled me to want to learn more about it. 

So next time you get tired of poring over Genki or you get ticked off because you messed up that reading for that word on WaniKani and you gotta do it again (lol), sing along to a Japanese song (pronunciation practice), watch anime with English or Japanese subtitles (listening comp), read manga (kanji, reading comp), or, maybe

give katamari damacy a spin

Passion is a fire and it needs fuel. Feed your love for Japanese by having some fun with it!

Hello Steph, you wonderful person!! Thank you so much for all the work you put into your blog. It’s such an amazing resource for the fandom! I was wondering if you knew any fics where either John or Sherlock are super!BAMF specifically under the circumstances when the other is threatened. I’d love to read some kind of scenario where one of them is threatened and the other says something along the lines of “if you touch one hair on his head...” Thank you for any suggestions on this theme!

Hi Nonny!

AHHHH I love those kinds of fics! I think I classify those ones under “Protective Johnlock” so it’s sort of… shoved into those ones? LOL. I’ve recently posted a Protective Sherlock list, so you can check out that one, and see these others below! I know I have a tonne more but I am still sorting through all my fics, LOL. So I hope what I have sorted for you, hope that these are what you’re looking for!!

PROTECTIVE JOHNLOCK (BOTH)

See also: 

Protective Sherlock

BAMF! But Insecure John

New World, Old Words by thedeafwriter (G, 641 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Always John) – It was disconcerting to experience. One second, he was laying on the table, breathing in the gas that would make him sleep, the next, he was dragging his eyes open to look around the bright room, trying to wake up.

Idiot by Anesthesiologist (T, 1,229 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Alternate TGG / Explosion, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Inner Monologue, John Saves Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – What the heck happened? He remembered the pool and Moriarty, but then what? Had he been dying?

29 January 2017 by wearitcounts (Sher_locked_up) (E, 1,765 w. || Anniversary, First Time, Insecure Sherlock, Love Confessions, Post-S4) – “That,” John says, “should have happened years ago. Maybe even the first time.”

Loudly Unspoken by Mount_Seleya (M, 1,871 w. || Post-TAB, Love Confessions, Vulnerable Sherlock, Frottage) – John confronts Sherlock about the words he left unsaid on the tarmac. Set immediately after TAB

The Rational Machine by Solstice Zero (K, 2,924 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Malnourishment / Fainting, Doctor / Minder John) – Sherlock passes out. John muses on the reasons why. Containing an absorbing case, two bags of shopping, and a few apples.

It Was All Right There In Front of Him (A Five Times Plus One Story) by bees_stories (T, 3,191 w. || 5+1, Protective Idiots, Grooming, Bed Sharing, Lestrade POV) – DI Greg Lestrade is a good detective. But sometimes he doesn’t trust the evidence in front of him, until there’s a compelling reason to do so.

Breakfast, acronyms and brotherhood by Rose de Sharon (K+, 4,074 w. || TBB Fic, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Fluff) – Set after The Blind Banker: my take of Sherlock and John’s conversation over breakfast. S/J friendship, bromance, no slash.

Unforgiven by 221b_hound (M, 4,721 w. || Marriage Proposal, Victor Trevor, Jealous / Protective John, Jealous Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past) – Sherlock’s latest case is for his ex boyfriend, the brilliant and handsome Professor Victor Trevor. John is not too happy about that. But things aren’t what they seem, an old friend of John’s is involved in the case, and John has a few surprises up his sleeve. Also - a proposal! Part 16 of Unkissed

The Refining Fire by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 5,451 w. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Friendship, Alternating POV (Lestrade, Mycroft, Sherlock), Worried Sherlock, Hospital Recovery) – Fire can burn things to ashes, but it can also burn things together.

Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (E, 3,790 w. || Cuddling & Snuggling, Body Heat, New Year’s Eve, PWP, Bedsharing, Frottage) – The inn is booked up on New Year’s Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing. You know where this is going. Part 1 of New Year’s Kiss

And Here We Are by J_Baillier (T, 12,416 w. || ASiP Fic, Alternating First Person POV, Drama, Friendship, Mild Case Fic, Autism Spectrum Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Protective John, Pining, Homophobia, Loneliness, Angst, Humour, Domestics, Morbid Fluff, Kidnapping) – All the little things we never got to see when an army doctor and a consulting detective were adjusting to sharing a flat. And a life.

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn’t count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

First Response by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 13,516 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Whump / Injury) – Five times John had to perform first aid on Sherlock and one time Sherlock had to perform it on John.

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (E, 15,590 w. || Victorian AU, Virgin / Demi Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mild H/C, Bottomlock) – Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case … and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn’t have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller, Switchlock, Rimming, Emotional Lovemaking, Lots of Sex, HJ/BJ’s) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.