#literally a single digit amount of people are here for this but whatever. here it is
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the linda fairbairn extended universe! starring an only child, her co-driver, a silly dad, the best friend the silly dad pulled because he needed a home, and the brother the only child pulled because she got temporarily unemployed
whole spread below cut
#em draws#cabin pressure#literally a single digit amount of people are here for this but whatever. here it is#linda fairbairn extended universe#linda fairbairn#colin fairbairn#herc shipwright#sam cook#arthur shappey
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Daily reminder that while Hwayoung is in no way innocent and was actively an asshole to Core Contents Media staff members and playing coy about whether she was actually bullied or not, she is absolutely not the sole reason for T-ara's downfall and should not be painted as such.
I want to clarify some misconceptions people seem to have about the situation. At points I will be using other groups as reference points (NOT to pit them against T-ara) and also using my own opinions and speculation at certain points, which I will make clear to point out from the actual facts of the story.
For all intents and purposes, yes, Hwayoung is a nepo baby. Her father is rich and he was also friends with Kim Kwang-soo, the CEO of Core Contents Media, T-ara's old company (now known as MBK)
Hwayoung wanted to be an actress but Kim Kwang-soo thought it would be better to be part of an idol group to gain popularity first and then launch her own acting career easier. It is not unusual to use idol groups as a launching point for later solo music projects or acting so all makes sense up to here.
It should also be noted that T-ara had already worked hard to make a name for themselves. They released Bo Peep Bo Peep and Crazy Because of You, two massive hits that both sold over 3M digital copies and were on the rise to become one of the most popular groups of their generation. They faced fierce competition, having debuted alongside the likes of 2NE1, f(x), 4Minute and After School (2009 was such a strong year) and initially faced severe backlash for their debut performance of Lie. They even had to literally perform in the streets outside of malls during Bo Peep Bo Peep promotions to get people to listen to their song. The internet wasn't what it is now back days so they also couldn't rely on their fans spamming everyone online to listen to their songs or artificially increase views by watching the MV again and again.
So the original six girls had built a strong bond by training together (Jiyeon, Hyomin and Eunjung at least, Qri, Soyeon and Boram were kind of last-minute additions after Jiwon and Jiae quit) debuting and promoting together for a year and facing backlash and severe working conditions together. I imagine Hwayoung being added after they worked to make themselves known might have been a "yeah ok I guess" moment for OG T-ara. K-pop fans seen to be easily annoyed by constant lineup changes too so adding or losing a member after the group has already become famous is never a good thing.
Like I said, Hwayoung wanted to be an actress, but for the most part she played along with the idol part. That being said, I fee like CCM never made an effort to present her as an actual member of T-ara in their songs, the title tracks at least. She always felt like a featured act to me or a backup vocalist, not an actual member. You could argue Qri and Boram also got very few lines, but it's not just that, Hwayoung was supposed to be the new rapper or whatever so that Hyomin and Eunjung could start getting more singing lines now that they had someone else to do the raps but... In the first two singles Hwayoung participated in, What's Wrong and yayaya, Hyomin and Eunjung are still mostly doing the raps and Hwayoung gets a few adlibs, basically... So what was the point of making her the "rapper" then 😬 And then after that Hyomin and Eunjung stopped doing the raps completely but Hwayoung was still only doing adlibs and 2sec raps in the bridge. In Roly-Poly all the girls have mostly equal parts. Even Qri, Boram and Hwayoung, who usually got very few lines have the same amount of lines. But while Qri's and Boram's parts are actually memorable (Qri has the intro and the start of the second verse and Boram sings in both verses) while Hwayoung, who actually sings in both verses and the bridge, is still only doing adlibs and 2sec raps. In contrast, let's take 2NE1's I Am the Best, that released around the same time. CL actually sings more than an entire minute of the song, but because the parts of the other three are still memorable, it doesn't feel like she's hogging the entire song. Each of them has their moments.
But like I said it's not just about the amount of time you sing, Bora was consistently the most popular member of SISTAR and she, basically, got the same type of lines as Hwayoung after 2011. Hwayoung's styling and stage presence also fell off. She's taller than the entire group (I don't remember if Eunjung is taller than her but I think she's not) and she wasn't a very skilled dancer so it showed on stage. On top of that, her outfits, hair and makeup always looked like shit to me. But then again, the stylists and staff members said she was a nightmare to them so maybe it was intentional after all lol. But my point is, if you have a member that's not good at singing, dancing, is the rapper but doesn't actually rap and is dressed and styled worse than the rest of the group, when in theory she's the daughter of your friend, you're essentially making her yourself to look like the outcast.
What's ironic is that by 2012 things seemed to have been slowly changing? Her styling looks considerably better, she actually got sizeable parts in Day by Day and she was even picked to be a part of the We Were in Love collab with Davichi, where she also got lines and it became a hit so maybe if she hadn't started slacking things would have improved for her?
Then again, as I said Hwayoung had zero interest in being an idol, she wanted to be an actress, an she was literally the only one that CCM never booked an acting gig for. All the others (sans Areum) were acting. Even predebut Dani, who was supposed to become T-ara's ninth member, got to act in Day by Day's MV, so I'm not sure how important to her the fact that she got decent raps that lasted for more than 2secs in two songs would be. Not to mention, that she actually got back to sharing the raps as, in the unreleased version of Sexy Love, she's only doing the rap in the bridge and has to share it with Areum. Maybe Shinsadebt Tiger just hated her 🤣 I'm betting that if she was still in the group by Number Nine she would only get the "I'm addict I'm addict parts" 🤣😭
Now, it's also worth mentioning that T-ara were BIG in 2012. It was the peak of their popularity. They were the third most popular girl group in Korea, behind only Girls' Generation and 2NE1, and the third most popular K-pop girl group in Japan, after Girls' Generation and KARA. Jiyeon was winning popularity polls against Yoona. Yoon. A. They were still going strong and might have even overtaken 2NE1 too, especially considering how YG stopped promoting them properly around that time and with CCM wanting to turn them into a nine-membered group they were, essentially, declaring open war against S.M.. They had five different singles sell over 3M digital copies (Bo Peep Bo Peep, Crazy Because of You, Roly-Poly, Cry Cry & Lovey-Dovey, I actually think maybe We Were In Love did too?) which, before 2012's SK Music market inflation prices, was considered an astonishing feat. For reference, the only other girl group to have ever had five singles sell over 3M digital copies is 2NE1.
Take all this into account along with the fact that they were constantly flying back and forth from Korea to Japan to keep up with their extremely demanding schedule and, honestly, I can't really blaming Hwayoung for finding an excuse to weasel out of a few performances, we all would, be honest.
The thing is, that the Budokan performance wasn't just any performance. It's a very prestigious Japanese venue and even it it wasn't it's still a concert that people paid money to see. Idols may occasionally half-ass or lipsync performances on music and other TV shows but concerts are where they give it their all (or at least second gen idols did 👀) and all the other girls actually wanted to be idols so, maybe it wasn't a big deal to Hwayoung, but the rest of the girls had every right to be pissed about it.
Shading her on Twitter, while hilarious, was probably not a smart idea, because it was essentially the beginning of the end. Before that no one was really paying attention to Hwayoung's relationship with the rest of the group, and if she was actually being such a menace to the stuff, sooner or later someone would speak, and even if there were doubts about whether OG T-ara and Hwa were friends or whatever, no one would really question a possible expulsion from the group and company if it was a known fact that she was being rude to the staff.
And that was actually the official line by CCM. Hwayoung has been fired because she can't work well with the staff. But because of the Twitter thing and Hyoyoung, Hwa's twin, also (kind of) directly antagonizing T-ara online and Hwayoung agreeing with her, people started speculating and finding previous "evidence" of bullying.
CCM's silent approach didn't work. I get that maybe KKS didn't want to publicly announce that his friend's daughter was as asshole and a liar and the rest of the group was kind of done with it but why on earth would you literally throw your main (and let's be honest here, only) moneymaker under the bus like that? Why shoot yourself in the foot? I don't get it.
To Hwayoung's defense, she literally said "they didn't bully me, stop harassing them" at first... Before settling for a conveniently vague "I was going through hard times" line every time she gave an interview afterwards, but the first time she actually outright said she wasn't a victim of bullying.
But people didn't really care about that. T-ara's fall from grace was never in defense of Hwayoung. Hwayoung was not a very popular member to begin with so it's not like her individual fans were actively campaigning against T-ara, this is in no way a Jessica's individual fans vs. OT8 SONEs type of situation. They definitely lost a lot of the more "casual fans" and lost a lost the general public, but Sexy Love and Number Nine still charted within the top 10, so their core audience was still there.
My personal opinion, which is half fact and half speculation that is still based on facts, is that while they probably did not create a rumour, companies like S.M. and YG whose profits were being reduced by competition from CCM could have easily influenced it's spread. We all know how S.M. treats their former artists and YG also tried to block coverage of 2NE1's Coachella performance to reduce its impact and didn't they literally force Naeun out of Apink? Is it a stretch to assume they might have been a little too eager to help remove competition? But maybe they didn't even have to involve themselves personally.
Misogyny in the K-pop community was at its PEAK in that era. SONEs and 2NE1's fanwars with constant slut and body-shaming of the rival group's members, S.M. associate producer, Teddy Riley, LITERALLY calling the Wonder Girls flops and saying SNSD are better, Krystal and Sulli's and Amber's individual fans CONSTANTLY at war with each other, HyunA and Suzy's fans trashing the rest of 4Minute and miss A.... Need I go on?
Like I said, T-ara were on the top with GG and 2NE1, and their respective fans did not miss the chance to throw them right off when the opportunity presented itself in the form of a fabricated rumour. What's worse is that this is not even the... Worse fabricated rumour. SONEs started a rumour that HyunA left the Wonder Girls because of a PREGNANCY... She was FIFTEEN... Luckily this did not affect her career in any way.
So, next time you want to talk about T-ara's "bullying scandal", do remember that it was a combined effort of misogyny in K-pop, enforced by entertainment companies and fans alike, Korea's obsession with idols having squeaky clean images and never doing wrong (the women at least, a boy group would have EASILY gotten away with all of that), gross mismanagement by Core Contents Media and Kim Kwang-soo, nepotism, Hwayoung taking advantage of a tricky situation, and Hyomin, Jiyeon, Eunjung, Soyeon and Boram (because remember, like Switzerland, Qri was neutral during the War) deciding it was a good idea to ratio Hwayoung on Twitter after not wanting to sing "I likey likey this, I likey likey that" for the nth time.
#T-ara#Jiyeon#Hyomin#Eunjung#Qri#Soyeon#Boram#Hwayoung#Areum#K-pop#Core Contents Media#Kim Kwang-soo#Girl Groups#South Korea#Korea
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I finally sat down and gave "The Great Automatic Grammatizator" a read, per your recommendation. The parallels with AI are apparent, and I did exit the story with some thoughts about the commodification of creativity, but I'm curious how it affected *your* approach to writing and art in general
It's really relevant to AI stuff, but it means something different for me.
I don't usually talk about youtube here because i don't want youtube people coming here nor do i especially want people from here going to my youtube, but its too relevant to leave out, so i'm gonna put this under a cut.
I read "The Great Automatic Grammatizator" in 2012. I'm gonna have to drop a couple fun facts today for anyone thats new; #1 being unfortunately i am a youtuber and #2 being i got human trafficked in 2012 lol. whoops. Anyway. in 2012 I was living in Beijing and I worked at this school where i had a one hour break in the middle of the day ostensibly for lunch but there really wasnt anywhere to go so, i usually just used it to hide in a closet and nap. since i never got enough sleep. and at one point i found a book that was a collection of roald dahl's adult oriented short stories, and it was the first english book id had access to in ages, and it would be like, awhile before i got a vpn and access to most of the english internet again.
So I read it and this is really the story that stuck with me and persisted. I've always been an artist, ever since I was a child. Everyone around me knew I was inevitably going to be one professionally. And when I got back from the US i worked for an on demand t shirt company as a graphic designer working on digital embroidery stuff. and then, of course, later on i'd become a youtube animator.
The difference between what I do now and what I did when I was younger is that art is my job now. Thats my income. Thats whether I eat or not. Art for money always comes before art for arts sake. I can't count the amount of times I've had something I really wanted to invest my time in- like Bruno is Orange, if you've ever seen it, which took me months- and I just can't justify it. I don't have the time for that kind of thing. If I'm making art, it has to prioritize profit. it just does. and that sucks out everything i like about art and leaves behind a shell where i no longer do. It's not just that I can't make whatever I want, its that I always have to edit what I DO want into something thats more palatable, more widely appealing, more tailored to my audience. I can't risk making something that might alienate them. I joke all the time about how my subscribers are begging me to stop posting transformers but. unironically, i DO lose subscribers every single time i post transformers. every time.
theres a difference between being a successful artist and being a successful artist commercially. you're making a product. you're making content.
what all that leads to is that golden contract. it's money for your morals. its taking the easy way out at the expense of your soul. its selling out for safety and what a relief that is, but you will never sleep at night again.
I've joked before about how I've turned down a RAID sponsorship but- i have. i did actually do that. hellofresh literally sends me a daily email about partnership its getting annoying. but i don't... i don't take sponsorships. its not the idea of sponsors i hate, its that every potential sponsor is a golden contract.
i think RAID should be illegal. I think its gambling and selling gambling to kids should be a crime. I think it needs to be under the same restrictions all gambling is. I think selling gambling addictions to children is evil and I've spoken about this at length before. Could I accept money to tell my audience to download it? You're not just playing an ad, you are putting your face on it, its your endorsement. you are telling people to do it. And youtubers joke about how its basically a meme at this point, its not like anyone actually downloads it, but- yes they do? if they didnt they wouldnt keep sponsoring people. They're making a profit. they're getting new users. Can I knowingly promote with my own words and my own mouth something I think is so heinous because im being paid for it?
that goes for basically all of them. fuck audible and amazon, fuck raycons, fuck honey, fuck dollar shave club and nord vpn and that overpriced cereal and the mattresses and all of it. You can look into all of them but theyre rife with cheap garbage sold at jacked up prices no better than dropshipping or predatory marketing practices or deceptive advertising or just straight up being no better than scams. Do you remember the esteemed titles situation recently? huge youtubers were involved with promoting this massive scam that they could have found out was scam with like twenty minutes of googling, but... no one did.
its the golden contract. take the money and bite your tongue. sell out and feel safe again, at the expense of the world around you. let someone else move your hand and place words in your mouth, be a vessel of capitalism with one hand while denouncing it with the other like the hypocrite you have to be.
i cant do it and sleep at night. i had a rough time in beijing. i learned how to be hungry there, and I learned the hard way that everyone will do things they never believed they could or would when theyre hungry. So when I say it, I know what I mean, I know what starving feels like and I know what its like to wear three jackets to bed during a blizzard and shiver all night without heat or electricity, and I know what its like to hike miles in the snow to work, and I know what its like to work on christmas and to work with a fever and to be afraid of people you work with. i know exactly what im saying when i say i'd rather starve than have a full cabinet at the expense of my integrity. ive fucked up a lot in my life and ive done a lot of things i regret, but not on purpose. i wont walk headlong into something i know is wrong on purpose. and i know that im not the only one that suffers. i have friends now. no one is going to let me go hungry this time. no one is going to let me be homeless or starve to death. which means when i cant take care of myself, someone else has to help me. im putting that on everyone around me and im not proud of it.
turning down that golden contract doesnt just impact you. it impacts everyone around you. i could make more money making outrage content on the internet but i won't. its that last line. "Give us strength, oh lord, to let our children starve" that always comes back to me. take the contract, feed your family. go to hell. turn it down and inflict suffering on yourself and those around you but refuse to make the world a worse place to live in. its the "press the button to get a million dollars, but someone somewhere dies" dilemma but on a small scale, death by a thousand cuts.
so thats what its about. thats what it means.
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re: post that says i play a part in "carrying the fandom"
not going to name names, not going to mention (tumblr function) anyone, but i want to nip this notion in the bud.
prefacing this with the disclaimer that this is strongly worded, that this is going to sound mean and harsh, but i'm fine with coming off that way, if i get to assert my boundaries.
i'm incredibly averse to "fandom". i want nothing to do with fandom involvement. i am not here to make friends. all i need to enjoy media is to talk about it with the handful of friends i've shared it to, and i either already have that, or i make it happen. when it comes to needing to use art to appreciate a given work, i express this creative energy in many different ways. visual art is one outlet for that self-expression.
all i'm doing on cohost/tumblr/twitter/etc. is using relevant tags for art i make, deciding what i can/want to share to the public. tumblr's archiving and tagging system, while still lacking in features over the past decade, is notorious for how useful it is to visual artists.
do not put me on a pedestal, and do not treat my work like its public domain use. you'd be wrong to do either.
i'm not superior or inferior to you; don't act like it. there is a reason my art accounts all use a selfie of me as my avatar. we do not know each other and i'm perfectly fine with that. stay on your side of the screen.
given 8/9 posts i've made on this account so far are katana zero posts, and that i was mentioned as one of a few artists "carrying the fandom" on here by a fandom member, i also want to speak my mind about how i perceive this specific fandom. it's weird. a lot frustrates me about it. i've seen a lot of things that make my stomach turn.
some heavy issues are treated in flippant manner, despite the source game portraying them with appropriate gravity. for whatever reason, it's typical for the fandom to lighten fifteen's skin, despite it being exactly the same as zero's skintone. there is a bizarrely prevalent attitude that the incoming DLC is an owed debt to the fandom, enough for people to make accounts like one dedicated to a daily count of how long it's been since full release without the DLC. come on, people.
it's as if the DLC exists in some strange intangible vacuum where the budget, size, and humanity of the dev team are somehow not a factor. as though the DLC exists separate from the ongoing pandemic, and a literal real war affecting the team.
to see so many "fans" act incredibly entitled, so loudly and constantly, and doing this everywhere and anywhere it's fucking possible to leave a comment or post, even on unrelated work, well…
yeah, hopefully by now it's clear why i would want to distance myself from any fandom involvement. i hate fandom. it's never a healthy culture; katana zero's fandom is no special outlier to that.
i'm not a superhero savior to this fandom that is supposedly "dying", "near-dead", etc. im not "carrying" shit, i'm just using your tags. "this fandom is nearly dead" then die! i'm not a part of this!
go read interviews from the dev team and learn about game development—hell, go and try to draw or animate or compose or code something for a game, and then just try to get back to me about how "unreasonable" the wait is for the DLC.
pretending this exists in a vacuum: if the "first act" of the story took 6 years of development, and the DLC is currently taking 3 years so far, and the DLC's size is of half the main game... is the rate of game development truly anything close to unreasonable?
...i'll say that, to me, there's a difference between fans of a work of media and the "fandom" for it, even if the former group is not entirely separate from the latter.
from half a month of being on tumblr i've grown over 50 followers, which is incredible, especially for a single-digit amount of art shared so far. i read tags. i check my mentions. there's been some lovely compliments through tags on reblogs, which i appreciate, and i further appreciate that my work is being enjoyed and shared through reblogs and likes. thank you.
p much the bulk of you treat me kindly; honestly, i'm still trying to wrap my head around all the positive attention and encouragement. thank you for taking care and effort to tell me what you have. energy and time have finite limits; i'm happy when people decide to spend that on making me feel appreciated.
but i'm also a rather direct person, and don't like being wishy-washy about my limits and boundaries.
so, to conclude: i get uncomfortable when people try to nominate me as notable for any involvement in "fandom", and further, when strangers talk as though i'm trying to breathe life into any fandom perceived as "dead" or "dying". that's not my problem. i'm not trying to solve it, either.
i'm not looking for recognition as a popular figure in a fandom. what i create and why i create it is independent of any fandom existing. i don't want anything to do with fandom involvement. leave me out of it.
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The Journey of a Lifetime
~by Riley Fecker
Two overarching goals govern my life: the first is to learn as much about the world as I can; the second is to travel that world. I chose the Oxford Study Abroad program because I believed it would allow me to work towards both of these goals at once. This program has been a dream come true, and I can wholeheartedly say that it has allowed me to start on my journey of fulfilling these goals.
Our first stop was Paris, and to be completely honest, I had little hope for the city, thinking it a mere tourist attraction, and ranking it very low on my list of cities I wanted to see. It was Paris however, that completely blew my mind and took my breath away, single-handedly making me realize the beauty that the world, and its people could exhibit if they only tried. It was Paris, where I walked by the bank of the River Seine at night and took in the friends, families, and acquaintances, sharing a bottle of wine, or a cigarette beside the river, faces brightly lit with interest and laughter at whatever conversation was had. Not a single phone could be seen. These were simply people, reveling in the moment at hand.
It was Paris, where we climbed to the top of the only hill in Paris, Montemarte, to watch the sunset. There were hundreds of people around us, enjoying the end of their day, talking and laughing. What seemed to be a couple, danced a jig behind a bush just uphill of us, and a street performer juggled a soccer ball between his feet, arms, and head, to the delight of the children below him. A biker gang rode past, to the cheers of all the people around us. Locks (declaring love) littered the fences around us. I remember thinking, this is what it feels like to study abroad. Those moments when you feel like the people around you, and yourself are sharing a moment of significance.
It was that same hill, that we crested to reach Sacre-Coeur Basilica. Entering this church was a truly ethereal experience, you pass from the loud, bustling of a happy crowd outside, to complete and reverent silence. As I walked through the church, I realized something. The reverent respect in this church was not in accordance with any rule, any thought that you were supposed to be quiet and respectful. It was there because people wanted it to be, they chose within themselves to respect what was around them.
There is something beautiful about the culture of France, and the stark contrast I saw in it from the United States. Here, people stopped to chat with each other on the street, every person we met loved their jobs, and children walked to school through the city alone. It was truly a beautiful experience, which showed me a number of things I thought I would never see. The first, was the realization that even in a digital age, we are not all attached to our devices, we can enjoy each other’s company in real-time. The second was that respect, kindness, and enthusiasm for other people, is a concept not so few and far between among the general population, as it may sometimes seem in the United States
Throughout our journey, we encountered more of this culture, and more moments of absolute, ethereal beauty. From the snow capped mountains, rivers, lakes, and pine trees, of Chamonix, to the crowded, narrow streets of Venice, we experienced a mix of landscapes and culture that only the luckiest people get to experience. In Venice, we actually stayed on the island of Lido, adjacent to the main island. One morning, we ventured out to a fruit stand to buy strawberries. However, we couldn’t quite come up with the cash between us. The vendor assured us that it was fine, and we could take them today, and pay him tomorrow. This culture of trust is very prevalent across Europe, and many times we were upheld to a trust system to pay the amount. This was very different to us then in the US. This program abroad has quite literally, restored my faith in humanity.
By far the most beautiful place on our trip was Cinque Terra. The whole group went on a free day the faculty gave to us, and I was able to hike across the cliffs to two different cities. The trails were absolutely gorgeous, and the views out on the towns were unreal. We also passed a few locals going about their days, trying to get from town to town. There were houses hidden up in the hillside beyond gates, and acres of gardens terraced along the slope. At one point, towards the end of the day, we passed an older man handing out free watermelon at the top of a particularly steep slope. Exhausted, and winded, we were incredibly grateful. We surmised that it was the end of the day, and he would have no other choice than to throw them out, however, there was still the thought of giving it to others. A continued exhibition of a culture of kindness and anti-wastefulness.
Munich was another interesting city, not for its beauty, but for the things we got to do there. Germany has a large culture around beer gardens, so we went to one. The sight after dusk is insane. What seems like thousands of people gather at picnic tables to enjoy a (very large) beer with their friends and family. As we walked through, we saw business suits, teenagers, college kids; we were pressed to find seats in the very large expanse of picnic tables.
In Prague, we stumbled upon a peacock garden. As someone who has only ever caught a glimpse of one at a zoo, the opportunity to get up close enough to take a selfie with them blew my mind. We were also lucky enough to witness their mating rituals.
Something I will never forget, and a height of global engagement was seeing the Don Giovanni opera, by Mozart, in Prague. I have never had any interest in going to an opera, and I thought I would struggle to even sit through the whole thing. In stark contrast, I was riveted on my feet for the whole performance, straining my neck to get a better view, completely absorbed in the moment of mental, emotional, and physical engagement. This experience gave me a much more advanced respect for the arts than I had previously had (as the whole program did), and persuaded me to continue to see performances like this back in the states.
Of course, I can’t forget Oxford, an amazing experience at the end of an amazing journey. From punting on the River Cherwell with friends, to walking down Cornmarket street in search of a bite to eat, to a walk in the quiet serenity of Christ Church Meadow and surrounding area, Oxford quite literally had something for everyone. I will never forget the spontaneous trips to London, the Hozier concert in Birmingham (with seats you could never dream of in the US), and driving through the Cotswolds and Bath with my parents.
A highlight of my experience in Oxford, was the opportunity to obtain a Bodleian card, which gave me access to all of the libraries across campus. To walk into the vast expanse of libraries, and browse the shelves, is a realization in how little we as people know, or even know that we can know. This was an eye-opening experience for me, and has both renewed my thirst for knowledge, and made me realize how catastrophic an entirely digitalized library is to our creativity and curiosity.
Overall, the Oxford Summer Program 2023 is an experience that I will never forget, and forever be grateful for. I have no regrets, and can only hope that the program will continue well into the future, offering students the opportunity to experience the culture and beauty that I have experienced.
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All right, I got to say something,
.
You can buy a game used.
That is an option,
if somebody wants to play a video game but not support a company.
Even if you are playing on PC
.
For years these game companies have despised the idea of used game markets because it means that people can purchase games without giving money directly to them, and have been trying to figure out ways to prevent that. A couple of companies have even tried suing people for selling their used games. It seems like some of their propaganda has worked because in game boycotts people no longer have the language to even remember that used games exist?
.
With the Harry Potter game, Ubisoft games, and whatever else has been boycotted recently, people seem to think that there are only three options:
.
Buy the game,
don't buy the game,
or pirate it.
.
Pirating it is also a good option, but you can literally just buy a used copy of THIS GAME for nearly every single video game console in existence right now
.
I don't know, maybe this is a silly point to get hung up on , but to me this seems like a fucking nightmare that companies have controlled the windows of our perception so much that we've completely forgotten about the consumer rights allotted to us through phyiscal media, physical PC editions, and Steam keys
.
If somebody wanted to play this game but not support JK Rowling they could go to their game store or eBay, buy a used copy and just play it quietly in private.
That would not support the Harry Potter franchise or the equally disgusting Warner brothers company (joking joking obviously she's worse)
.
My Facebook feed has been full of nothing but people arguing about whether or not it's ethical to BUY THIS VIDEOGAME NEW FROM WB as though that's the only option. People aren't even talking about piracy anymore. This is the argument that Warner Brothers wants us to have, they wanted to be framed as "buy the game or not" because they know that if people think those are the only two options long time Harry Potter fans will cave and purchase the game new no matter how bad they feel about it.
.
There's an unproblematic decision here , SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL USED GAME STORE, and play the game quietly at home
.
Now, the only group of people that don't have this option are the people who bought the digital-only edition of a next-gen console. and to those people, I don't blame you for not spending the extra $100 or $200 to get the normal Edition because of how our economic system is, but good God that was a horrible choice in your part I'm so sorry 😅 this is mostly unrelated to the topic at hand, sort of, but not only do you have to buy all of your games directly from these companies, but there was a controversy earlier last year where if you don't connect your PlayStation 3 to the internet within a certain amount of time they lock you out of playing all of your digitally downloaded games
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OK I have like. A small complaint/idea/whatever ok
Why aren’t the Professor Layton games on PC?
I’m being serious here, the first 3 ones (and mystery room) are on mobile, the newer ones were made for switch.... but none of them are on PC. And I feel like that’s kind of an untapped market????
Like I’ve enjoyed the story of the 2,5 layton games I’ve played (Curious village, Ace Attorney crossover and part of Diabolical Box) and I do want to be able to play them for myself as opposed to watching a playthrough (even though I am very bad at the puzzles) HOWEVER the original games are only on mobile. They’re like $10 which is money that I am willing to spend on a game. In fact I DID spend it on Curious village. but I eventually had to delete it for storage space and google is not letting me redownload it (which is, you know, the main reason I’m nervous about spending money on mobile games). I could get it on cartridge but
1. one of the puzzles in Diabolical box involves folding a ticket you get in the manual and a lot of places you can get the cartridge (ebay and stuff) come without it. (granted the solution is fairly easy to look up, which I did because I emulated the game) and
2. Cartridges at most resellers go for a lot more than digital games cost most of the time. Like, For example the Ace Attorney trilogy is $30 on steam, $15 if you get it on sale. on ebay the ds cartridges go for about $20 PER GAME. You could literally pay more for a single game than the entire trilogy. With the great ace attorney chronicles on sale for $25 too, you could literally get 5 ace attorney games for the price of 2 cartridges, and two of the games you get with that aren’t on 3DS cartridge/available in the us for the 3ds! ... okay that’s kinda a tangent but I just checked gamestop. They have the first 2 layton games (and some of the 3ds and switch ones) available in store. so you’ve gotta be lucky enough to find the game you want IN gamestop (which has a pitifully small ds and 3ds section these days) and you can’t get game 3 unless someone HAPPENS to sell it because only games 1 and 2 are in their system. now, at gamestop they ARE priced the same as the mobile games, but once again, unless you’re very lucky, they don’t come with a manual. I’m checking Ebay right now and for Curious Village it’s about $15-$20 for a cartridge (presumably used)
Now you could always emulate it. thing is, last time I tried the emulator ate my data.
PLEASE level 5, just give us Layton! Give us the entire ds quadrilogy (??? just found out there’s four, I think they might only have the first 3 available on mobile) you don’t even have to give us the 3ds or switch games I just want to play them.
Literally though! I don’t even like the puzzles and I would still pay actual money to be able to have the layton games on my computer! I know there would be formatting issues but listen to me! Reformat it!!! Please!!!!! Ace attorney was able to do it, so you can too! I believe in you!
...Honestly, there’s one game I made this post specifically about and that is the Mobile only (as far as I’m aware anyway) game Layton Brothers Mystery Room because it is EXACTLY the thing I want to play. It’s more ace attorney as opposed to puzzle based (using evidence and finding clues) and I’ve played the first two cases and I really enjoy them! Only problem is: mobile only. I genuinely want to play more, I just want to buy the whole game at once and have the game locked to my steam account, not my google account on my phone. because like. What if I get a non android phone? what then? I’ll have to buy it again.
Genuinely though, I want to think about the amount of people who got introduced to Ace Attorney via the app versions vs the computer or switch versions. I’ve known 2 people with the apps for the games. One of them was playing it with someone else and a bigger screen was probably better (and was also playing the 3ds games) and the other didn’t have a ds or switch. There was a flood of new fans when Ace Attorney released for the switch, and I bet something similar could happen if Layton was made more accessible to the average person with a decent ish computer. (not even a gaming computer, it’s a puzzle based visual novel it will not use that much cpu I promise)
Please Level 5. I know it would take some work. But the 15th anniversary of Layton is this year (if what I looked up is correct of course) and wouldn’t it be amazing for new fans to be able to play it on their computers?
Also, Level 5 literally will not get any money from a secondhand cartridge so if they want to actually make money off of the games then they should release them for PC
The only thing I could think of preventing this is an exclusivity contract with Nintendo or something????? But I don’t think that would be the case seeing as they are on phone too.
#long post#Anyway I want to play Mystery Room I want to play it so bad#But I wouldn't even know how to pirate a phone game#Like there are phone emulators for computer but you still have to.... own the game#hashtag give us Mystery Room PLEASE
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attempt #37
This was the 52nd formula that Lena had come up with, the 45th solution that she had to wait several hours to synthesize, but only the 37th time she was injecting her shoulder with the resulting concoction.
It was bright green this time, which only made it seem all the more promising.
There’s a rush and some mild nausea that Lena had come to expect with the experiments, but everything else felt the same. For now. Setting the syringe aside, Lena called out, “Hope, think of a number between one and a million.”
Then, for the 37th time, Lena tried. She cleared her own mind, practiced the meditative mantras, stared intently into Eve’s eyes, bright blue yet blank with Hope’s quiet disinterest, and... nothing. Not a single digit came to mind.
No matter how hard Lena tried, the only thoughts in her head were her own.
With an exasperated sigh, Lena rolled her sleeve back down and directed Hope to log their latest attempt as yet another failure before storming off to start her day.
//
Lena emerged from the laboratory with wrinkled clothes and dark circles sunken around her eyes, which was probably why the first thing she heard as she stepped out of the elevator was her personal assistant’s hushed commentary of, Oh sweet Jesus, she looks tired.
“Oh, I’m well aware, Hector,” Lena said, lofty and without much malice. “Nothing a little coffee can’t fix though.”
Hector stared at her blankly. “I’m sorry, Miss Luthor?”
“Never mind,” Lena said, rolling her eyes. She took the outstretched coffee in question as she walked by the assistant’s desk. “Just hold all my calls until the afternoon, please.”
This time, when Hector grumbled under his breath about wow, she must be grumpy too, Lena ignored it. There were better things for the CEO to tackle, after all; as for example, some fitful sleep on her couch, perhaps?
Hours later, Lena was relatively well-rested, so she pored over her notes again, trying to pinpoint the exact variable she must have overlooked in her carelessness. Because by all accounts, the formula should have worked—Lena had been certain of it. But then again, she’d admittedly thought that of almost every attempt thus far.
When Hector walked into her office at some point in the late afternoon with a handful of contracts to be signed, Lena felt no closer to the solution and a slight headache coming on.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Another coffee would be great,” Lena said, as she sifted through the documents.
“Oh my God, if she takes in any more caffeine, her heart’s going to literally explode...” Hector muttered to himself. “Well, maybe she won’t notice if I get her decaf instead...?”
Lena dropped the papers onto her desk with a scoff. “You know I can hear you, right?”
Hector appeared startled, which seemed rather appropriate until he slowly said, “So... was that a yes on the espresso?”
“What?”
Hector maintained his slow cadence, carefully enunciating every syllable as if he were repeating himself, “Did you want to stick with your usual order... or maybe go with an espresso... because it’s a little stronger?”
But in a normal cadence, also in Hector’s voice and somehow clear as a bell in Lena’s head came, “If this woman doesn’t get another nap in pronto, she is going to drop dead, and everyone’s going to think I poisoned her coffee, because she’s always in—”
Absolutely stunned, Lena continued to stare up at Hector in silence, eyes narrowing as the assistant’s slightly panicked voice droned on and on in her head. Until a louder remark broke through the reverie.
“Whoa, did she just fall asleep with her eyes open?”
Lena blinked quite obviously, and her mild shock was accompanied with a loud and clear, yet unspoken Oh, thank God! from Hector.
But the Hector standing before her hadn’t moved his lips once, only watching the bewilderment play out on Lena’s face with some polite concern.
“The usual’s fine,” Lena interjected before her assistant could press again. “Or the espresso, or whatever. I don’t care, as long as it’s still hot and caffeinated.”
“You got it,” Hector said.
“Definitely getting her decaf,” Hector thought as he turned to leave, but Lena hardly minded. She was too busy restructuring the rest of her day around this most exciting realization.
After some quick bit of arithmetic in her head, Lena set a timer on her watch for five hours, which was presumably the amount of time it would take for her body to break down the serum and render it useless. Then she logged on to her private interface and happily directed Hope to re-record attempt #37 as a success.
//
The ability to read minds was, quite simply, quite the advantage.
Though it wasn’t so much “mind-reading,” as mind-receiving. The serum seemed to have granted Lena access to the loud and active thought processes of everyone around her—their inner monologue, if you will, everything put into words but left unsaid.
Lena had been hoping for more, to be able to break into other people’s minds so as to hack secrets, determine why supposed close friends would ever betray her, and the like. Maybe that would come with time and practice.
But as it turned out, there was rather plenty to be gleaned from the forefront of someone’s mind, as people often thought about the things they weren’t supposed to say before choosing more palatable means of expression. Which made the rest of Lena’s workday somewhat informative, if not a little fun.
For one thing, Lena found out that a lot more of her employees enjoyed working for her than she had thought. All of them respected her, several feared her, and quite a fair few entertained invasive thoughts about her décolletage before swiftly directing their attention elsewhere.
She also found out there was one board member in particular who liked to fudge the numbers during meetings, and that his face took on a very unappealing shade of off-white when Lena could inexplicably confront him with the actual results of his findings.
But most importantly of all, what Lena found out was that... she actually enjoyed this heretofore inaccessible sense of control this ability afforded her. She had taken on the experiments for a very specific purpose, but now, it was difficult to even imagine going back to how things were, even after the fact.
//
Lena walked into the DEO, and for the first time, the outpouring of distrust attached to the Luthor name was all but imagined. The disparaging thoughts followed her, even as the people who had them smiled or averted their eyes as she passed.
Nothing she wasn’t used to though.
Alex’s voice slid into Lena’s head in a whisper—... the hell?—one whole minute before she actually greeted her, “Lena, hey... Well, can’t say that I was expecting you.”
“Yes, that’s what it sounds like,” Lena mused, and Alex gave her a slight frown.
“So, did you need something?”
“Where’s Kara? I want to talk to her.”
Alex’s carefully composed face betrayed no emotion, but her thoughts sighed heavily, “Of course...” before ebbing away into something entirely indistinct and indecipherable.
Lena blinked. She hadn’t encountered anyone whose thoughts weren’t immediately accessible to her before. But here Alex was, giving directions to Kara’s current whereabouts, all the while muttering some underlying commentary in tones so hushed that Lena couldn’t quite make out any of it.
“... Is there something on my face?” Alex swiped her sleeve across her forehead. “What are you looking at?”
“What? No, nothing,” Lena said brusquely. “Thank you for telling me where Kara is. Bye.” She turned on her heel, headed for the hallway that would eventually lead to the training room.
“Well, that was weird...” Alex’s voice drifted after her, a literal afterthought. “But I mean, I guess she has a nice ass, so—”
Lena shot a dirty look over her shoulder, but Alex was already back on her computer, mind rattling off coordinates and running through tactical drills like a well-oiled machine.
//
Kara was wearing short shorts and a sports bra, panting, and absolutely drenched in sweat when Lena stepped foot into the training room. She looked over at Lena, her skin glistening against the dimmed green of the kryptonite-lined walls, and smiled wide.
“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” Kara asked, giving the punching bag one last jab before tugging her gloves off. "Did something happen or...? I mean, not that I’m not happy to see you, of course.” She flashed Lena another bright grin before pressing a towel to her face and neck and chest.
It was enough to stop Lena in her tracks, and almost enough to put a damper on her plans. Almost.
“I need to talk to you,” Lena said evenly, eyes glued firmly to Kara’s forehead.
“Yeah, sure! Jeez... I’d give you a hug, but I’m like sweating in places I didn’t even know existed. Alex says that this is the only way to learn proper form and all, but wow. I can’t believe there are humans who actually do this for fun—”
“Kara,” Lena cut in, lips pursing in exasperation. “I’m serious. We need to talk right now.”
Kara blinked, then slowly nodded. “Okay, yeah, let’s talk... You wanna sit down?”
“I prefer to be standing.”
“Okay.” Kara remained standing as well, towel now crumpled in her hands. “So, what’s going on?”
Lena took a deep breath, quickly running through the meditative techniques meant to keep her mind clear and open, then asked, “Why did it take you so long to tell me that you’re Supergirl?”
Kara’s shoulders slumped. “Lena, I...”
“No, why did it take three years? Why didn’t you trust me?” Lena continued, her pace steady and firm just like she had practiced. “I trusted you. I trusted you with every part of me, which is extremely difficult for me to do, and you just... didn’t care, I guess.”
“Of course, I care. Lena... I never meant to hurt you,” Kara said insistently. Her voice was loud, emphatic, and at the moment, the only thing Lena could hear.
“Don’t!” Lena snapped when Kara started to approach her. “Don’t come any closer. And stop talking! Just listen.”
Kara exhaled sharply through her nose and raised her hands in tentative surrender in absolute, utter silence. Lena even paused for a beat or two, just to see if any of Kara’s thoughts would breach the surface, but none did.
“Why couldn’t you just trust me, Kara?��� Lena asked, and regrettably her voice trembled on the last syllable. “Why did I have to hear it from Lex?”
Kara’s eyes widened. “Lex? Lex told you before I did?”
“Shut up. Do not talk,” Lena hissed out, waiting for Kara to snap her jaw shut before continuing with a bitter laugh, “Do you, do you even trust me now...?” Kara stared, gaze hardening. “And how do you expect me to trust anything you have to say for yourself now?”
Lena’s questions—all of the above and beyond—were met with silence, strained only by the sound of Kara’s heavy breath and Lena’s own thoughts.
Scoffing, Lena threw up her hands. “Do you even care that you hurt me?”
“... Can I talk now?” Kara demanded, seething like she had any right to it. But when Lena shook her head furiously, she held her tongue and apparently everything else as well, because Lena couldn’t hear a single damn thing.
When the alarm on her watch went off, Lena left, slamming the door on her way out. She contacted Hope through their private channel and had her re-log attempt #37 as just another failure.
Back to the fucking drawing board.
(next part here)
#who's ready for attempt 38 n' 39?#and did i honestly start another ficlet series when i already have so many ongoing?#WACK!#also wtf; why is this 2k words...?#my words.
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What's the whole NFT thing about? I am very confused. ❤
Okay. So. NFTs are a tech fad going around these days that some people claim is the "future of investing" or whatever and other people say is one giant crypto pyramid scheme of failure.
Obviously, I'm in the second group. Honestly, most people are either in that group or in the even more popular "I don't know - or care - what NFTs are, but folks seem pressed about them" group.
At any rate, people who are into NFTs tend to get REALLY into them. Like downright cultish levels of involvement. And a lot of their groups and communities and events end up sounding like cult shit, too. Like this snippet about the recent "Fireside Chat" the head Sync Report guy did the other day:
Like, TELL me that doesn't sound like a Scientology event, complete with "levels" and being open to others' (ie THEIR) views and private meetings after the meeting so you can meeting forever.
And remember: when they say "crypto" and "NFT" and "block-chain" and all of these other nifty trendy buzz words they're really talking about INVESTING and FINANCES and YOUR MONEY. This isn't a New Kids on the Block fan meeting. This is a meeting to try to encourage new people to join the "NFT Revolution" and eventually invest their money in the network.
A network that bears a striking resemblance to a pyramid scheme, in that the more people who join in the lower rungs and put their money into the pot, the more money the people on the higher rungs will make. These kinds of schemes work, but ONLY for the people on the highest rungs. The middle rungs break even, and the lower rungs... Well, they lose money. Sometimes lots of money. The trick is to not BE the bottom rung. In order to do that, everyone tries to get NEW people in on the scheme - those new people will form new lower rungs, thus raising the other rungs into the profit zone. It’s a never-ending hot potato game of “you risk your money so my money is safe” and it turns every investor into a financial predator.
NFTs are also TERRIBLE for the environment. The whole cryptocurrency network (or whatever they call it; I don't care enough to keep up with their "lingo") runs on a metric shit-ton of computers running 24/7 to keep up with all the transactions and to generate more bits and bytes and currency and all that bullshit. Each and every time an NFT is bought/sold, the transaction uses the same amount of energy as a single family home uses in a month. Or the same as nine average US households use in one day. I've seen both figures used. Doesn't matter which you prefer. They're both terrible.
So while the rest of us sit here trying to measure how much carbon is in a cow fart and if that cheeseburger we just ate significantly contributed to global warming... NFT bros are just pissing energy into the wind and laughing about the windfall that will come their way once the plebians of the world join their network and fund their global pyramid scheme.
And as an added bonus, since digital art seems to be the favored medium of NFT brokers, the art scene has fallen prey to VAST amounts of art theft as brokers look for quality products to "sell" to new investors. The problem is that legitimate artists tend to want nothing to do with this shit. So the art being sold is either piss-poor... or it's stolen from talented artists who never gave permission for their art to be used to literally scam other people out of their money.
So now we come to Colin and his involvement in all of this.
A few weeks back, Colin started retweeting his brothers' NFT tweets and soon after, The Sync Report announced that they'd be coming out with some NFTs of the hosts' animated avatars, starting with Colin. These things kind of rankled some of Colin's fans - namely, the ones who know what NFTs are and don't like seeing their favorite guy get involved with them. Still, the involvement seemed incidental enough that those fans either quietly left or chose to politely look the other way and wait for it to pass.
Now we come to the other day, and the "Fireside Chat" I mentioned (and quoted from) above with Jason, the guy behind The Sync Report. This "chat" with a cryptocurrency community makes it clear that NO, this is NOT an incidental thing that will blow over. They're not going to sell a couple NFTs and move on. The Sync Report and its "metaverse" are going to continue down this "innovative" avenue and keep looking for fans to invest in cryptocurrency as a means of interacting with the show - and its hosts.
Mind you, this is all fine - in that the show is free to do whatever they like, and Colin is free to associate himself with whatever programs he likes and to use his fame to bring attention or legitimacy to whatever hare-brained schemes he wants to.
But his recent post about the Fireside Chat crossed a line that some of his fans are not comfortable with. In that tweet he said:
"Wanna know what I’ve been working on? Join Jason tonight for a fireside chat."
The VAST majority of Colin's fans, on Twitter and elsewhere, are following him and his social media accounts for news and updates on HIS ACTING CAREER. That is what people are interested in and he (and others) know this. When he says, "Wanna know what I've been working on?" it implies there's going to be news and talk about HIS career and HIS acting - NOT that it's going to be a cryptocurrency chat with a group focused on NFTs and cryptocurrency.
By making that post in that way, Colin literally presented a bait and switch to his fans. He knowingly lured HIS fans, fans of HIS ACTING CAREER, to attend a cryptocurrency meeting intended for those "keen on learning more" about NFTs and crypto investing.
THIS IS NOT OKAY. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
A couple of fans spoke up. Some fans liked those comments (they're the most-liked comments on the post). Still more fans decided to simply steer clear of the entire situation - and Colin himself - until it all blows over. Some even went so far as to unfollow Colin on social media. I, myself, unfollowed The Sync Report and will no longer interact at all with any of Colin's further tweets on it (nor any future tweets involving NFTs or cryptocurrency in any way). And if he EVER attempts to lure unsuspecting fans into cryptochats or any other bullshit nonsense again... I'M GONE.
And I will damn well let him know that and tell him WHY.
I honestly cannot express fully the height and depth of my anger and disappointment in Colin right now. Again, it's not the NFTs, it's not the cryptobullshit... It's the willful use of his fame to lure his own fans into attending a cryptocurrency pow-wow that had little/nothing to do with his acting career at all. It's certainly not something I would've ever expected him to do, and it really upsets me that I seem to have mis-judged the kind of person he is. I honestly don't know where to go from here as a fan.
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haha this is my favorite thing, ABO MPREG, Jason/?
Jason Todd dies when he's fifteen and unpresented. He dies alone.
He returns to Gotham two years later, with a baby approximately 12 months old.
He's not the best parent but don't judge him. He's seventeen, he's trying his best.
Yeah, well, you will say. Why on Earth he would have came back to Gotham? He wasn't supposed to. Talia warned him off, his own experience warned him off. He wanted to get to somewhere safer. Star City was one of his dream destinations, actually. Maybe he could have met-cute with Roy Harper and they would share parenting tips.
Maybe Oliver Queen would adopt him.
But the smugglers who brought him into a New Jersey port took more than agreed amount upon completing the journey. And he would have fought them, if he could put Alex down.
But he couldn't, so he hadn't.
And hitchhiking to Gotham was more doable than to a city on the opposite coast that he never actually ever visited.
So yeah, he came back to Gotham, but it's temporary. When he gets on his feet, when he scrubs enough money. He will move.
First weeks, he barely survived, to be honest. He couldn't go back to the Manor (beside everything, another kid in need was living there, from what Jason heard; lost his mother, dad in a critical condition. And Bruce was ever the willing to open his doors to kids, especially if it played off his own trauma).
And no home, no job, no money, and no friends summed up to - nowhere to go.
Dick? Yeah, Dick gave him a phone number. Jason called it once, hit a voicemail. Now, no, he doesn't bother to try to remember the digits. Track him? And say what? Oh, hey, remember that kid your dad took in because he felt lonely you're gone? Yeah, can I crush?
That doesn't even mention the fact that Dick would tell Bruce, or ask whose baby it is or why Jason has it. Nothing that Jason would like to happen, to be honest.
And no, Jason wasn't completely antisocial. He knows people! He just let those connections peter out when he became Robin. And, his childhood friends are the same age as him, more or less, and have about the same amount of money.
So, no, yeah, first few weeks trying to find a shelter that could take in a teenager and a baby with the teenager being the baby's parent and for it not to end up as some kind of front... Don't ask him about those days. Seriously. Don't ask him where he got money. Or where was the baby when he was getting the money. He blacked out these memories for a reason.
He rents a room in an apartment with another single parent and his kid. Serhii, mid-twenties, and Sasha, nine, fresh-off-the-boat. The daughter is the most adorable bookworm Jason had seen, and the father still looking like whatever they were running from could catch up any minute. Though Jason asked whether that was a concern, assuring Serj that he could help if needed - but he needs to be prepared. Serj said that no, he's pretty much always like this now.
"It won't follow us here," he promises to Jason. "It was mostly a family thing anyway."
And yeah, Jason can't judge - they literally in the same circumstantial boat.
Why did he end sharing an apartment with a random guy? Well, first of all, Serj isn't some random guy, though he is a new acquaintance. Yeah, he will tell you this story later. It involves Jason trying to steal baby formula but ending up thwarting a robbery, coincidentally saving Sasha who went to a corner store to get some bread. No, he won't tell this story right now - see this white streak in his hair? This is literally because of this incident. Because Jason still was in a situation where he couldn't just put Alex down, but now he couldn't not fight, because there had been a nine years old kid with a gun to her head.
He literally has nightmares about this. He wakes up in a cold sweat thinking that he got her killed, his Alex, or both her and Sasha. He wakes up and still smells the copper in the air. If that gun got off at any point...
Second of all, Serj offered - said it's to make it easier to share the rent burden but he has a brother here in States, Lev, so if he really needed help in that department... No, Jason recognizes an open hand held out to help. And he was vary somewhat because new people always make him vary but. The only "strings attached" here was babysitting. And they have shifts for that! Serj working days, and now he can pick shift at the docks that start earlier and end up later, which means getting paid more. Now Jason takes care of making breakfast and checking if the bag is packed and all. Then, after Sasha is seen off to school by her "siblings" (step-siblings, as they told the teacher, because the ages didn't quite match, or the accent), Jason spends the day with Alex. It's mainly house work - you won't believe how many dishes a household as small as their, or laundry, or cleaning, could have everyday. Sometimes he and Alex do it together, while he talks to her or sings. They also read - Jason is amazing at doing the voices, thank you; well, Sasha says his Russian needs work but it's more about his pronunciation in general. They play. Sleep. Eat. Yeah, Jason is that person now, whose whole life revolves around a baby.
Then they go for a walk and to pick Sasha up from school. Sometimes they go to the park, sometimes for groceries, sometimes straight home.
Jason checks Sasha's homework. Supervises Sasha playing with Alex or reading to her. Makes dinner.
Serj comes back and they eat. After dinner, it's Jason time. Now, it's Serj's turn to do the dishes, clean, wash anything that needs washing, watch over the kids. (So no, Jason isn't repeating his mom's fate; even if you forget that he and Serj are very, very much not married, Willis would never help Catherine do any housework).
What Jason does for a living? Is he getting out in night to hustle, or crack some sculls, steal stuff?
Okay, fuck you. He has this old laptop and an account on that freelance website that doesn't yet require you to actually have legal identification or filing your taxes. The rates there are nothing to write home about, and topics are mind-numbing. But he is starting tentatively build his customer list. Makes a page on social media and an ad. It's - it's going to get better. He's not expecting to get millions from this. But as long as he can steadily built his portfolio... And figure out how to get his identity back without raising red flags, so he could take GEDs... And he can work legally. Find something better. With prospects. Who knows.
Jason hopes so.
What? Patrolling? What do you mean, patrolling? No, he didn't patrol as Robin. Those were cases. He is investigator, not a cop. Well yeah if he hears anyone crying out in distress, he will check. But mainly, what he was doing when he was Robin, was figuring out things. Like, new product on the ground, sold for unreasonably low prices: a new player carving up the already butchered pie? Someone lucking out robbing a drug den? Kid overdosed on party drugs. Where did they get them? Shelters are empty for the first time in ever in Gotham - who's taking homeless people and where they're holding them? And with Batman it was pretty much more of the same. Finding a serial killer. Finding a rogue ex-KGB agent and the mole among LEOs who were supposed to bring him in. Mad Hatter.
So no, he isn't hitting the streets to stop purse snatchers. Don't get him wrong, the purse snatchers definitely should be stopped, especially if they're not so much snatching as they hold a terrified grandma at a knife point. If he sees it, he is letting them know how to pick their targets better.
But he doesn't exactly go looking for it, no. Well, Batman doesn't either! He just makes you think he does. Because if you're a purse-snatcher and you see Batman, you know he is going to clock you out. Batman is a "see crime, stop crime" and Jason usually is the same.
Except for how he doesn't have much time for this nowadays. Call him selfish, call him cold-hearted. Whatever. He needs to work, he needs to sleep, he needs to be a father to Alex.
His career of crime-fighting vigilante is now more or less "see some shitty pattern emerging in the neighborhood, check it out, do as the situation unfolds". Sometimes it's calling tips to GCPD (once; it has been Two-Face, and Jason figured Gordon would bring Batman in on it). Sometimes it's sneaking into the gangster lair and messing things up enough they become paranoid and turn on each other (that particular plan took two months but boy did it pay off). Sometimes it's things like cops with a high rate of convictions who you have seen taking bribes and beating people who didn't so much as talked back, and you can't quite do anything. An anonymous tip doesn't cut it. Beating them up will make them suspect all the people who they have hurt and potentially turning on them with more vigor. It's something Jason can't do anything about, being just Jason but also having something to lose.
Maybe there is a good, non-violent, reliable and accessible way to get corrupt cops off the force but Jason is yet to find it. Yes, even Gordon won't do anything without evidence. And Gordon is not only a self-proclaimed "I'm the good one" cop, he's endorsed by Batman.
He thinks about gathering evidence, but he would need to tail them for a while, camera at the ready at all times. If he does more orders now and gives himself a week off, maybe. Maybe.
(he does end up doing exactly that; he catches them planting drugs, extorting sexual workers, getting paid off by drug dealers and peddlers of the stolen goods. He sends the footage both to Gordon and to the lawyer of a guy they busted. The arrest isn't overthrown. Guy is going to be standing up in court soon. Jason hopes his footage will help but he can't actually believe it)
(this thing, he thinks, needs him to go deeper. Get dirt on the hireups who cover those pale fishes. Get dirt on the politicians who cover those hireups. Get dirt on businessmen who cover the politicians. It won't be fast. He wouldn't be in time to help the guy on trial for bogus charges. But give Jason a break; he's this close to a mental breakdown anyway)
It's been a year. Alex is walking, she's potty-trained. She doesn't speak very well, or at all, mostly. Serj says it's okay. Kids learn to speak on their own pace, it varies. No, Jason isn't a failure.
Sasha gets more friends at school, but there are school yard enemies too. Jason teaches her how to throw a punch, how to break a hold someone has on you. But the worst thing for Sasha are people who laughing at her, in her face and behind her back. For her hair, for the way she talks, for, apparently, not having the latest Supergirl merch or saying that she likes Speedy better. Most likely, there's other stuff, but that's all what Jason got out of her.
"School sucks," Sasha grouses.
"Yes, it does," Jason says, making her hot chocolate, while internally screaming. It's not about him, after all; mileage differs.
Then Jason has his eighteen birthday and it's time. He leaves Alex at home, thankfully Serj has a day off. Jason would have liked to not come empty-handed (he was thinking about sending a first edition, like the ones he and Bruce and Alfred collected, once upon a time). But the reality is, he barely has money for new books for his kid, much less for something extravagant and pointless.
The best gift is himself anyway. And he baked.
He rings Manor's doorbell. The camera above the gates blinks at him. He waves.
In short, there is a lot of surprise, tension, distrust, taking his DNA and blood and making sure it doesn't turn into clay, for some reason (Clayface being the obvious suspect).
"Okay, so this is all well and good but I don't actually have much time left," Jason says in the end.
"What? Why?" Alfred - he doesn't gasp, exactly, he's too polite for that.
"I have people waiting for me, and I was actually here just..."
"Is it the League?" Bruce demands.
Jason blanches.
"No, it's not the League. Do you really think they, what, revived me to accept me as a honorary member?"
"But they did revive you," Bruce states.
Jason doesn't know if it's Bruce's intuition, deductive reasoning, or he has hard evidence - Talia wouldn't have told him, Jason bets. Though Ra's might have.
Ra's would have told him about the baby. Or maybe he wouldn't, just send someone to tape Bruce meeting Alex for the first time.
Jason doesn't know which is it, so he sidesteps it entirely.
"No, Bruce, it's not the League of Assassins. It's just people. You don't know them. It doesn't matter. But I am here because I need..."
"How long were you back?" Bruce interrupts.
"Back in Gotham or back to life? Okay, wait, don't answer this. Seriously. I wouldn't ask you about it if..."
"I do hope you know, Master Jason, that you always can come to us for help."
"Great, because I need Bruce's help to declare me alive."
So that's when they're finally stopped interrupting Jason because suddenly, everything goes silent.
"Is that why you revealed yourself to us?" Alfred asks gently.
Jason shrugs and nods.
"Look, I know you don't owe me anything, Bruce, and technically I guess I could do it by myself, but it would be so much easier..."
"Of course I do. Jason - you're my son..."
Jason shudders.
"No. Just. No. It's, uh, a nice thought. But. As you told me yourself, you're not my father. What word have you chosen? My boss? I don't remember quite well."
"Nonsense," Alfred says. "What's told in the heat of the moment..."
"But somehow what I said in the heat of the moment was..." Jason pinches between his eyebrows. It doesn't, in fact, stave off the headache. "It would be better in the long run if you got that adoption annulled sometimes between my death and two years ago. Uh. Three. Three years ago."
"Why on God's Earth it would be a good idea? My boy," Alfred takes his hand between palms. "If you don't think we cared, or didn't mourn you enough, or if another boy wearing Robin suit angers you... Please know that we had, deeply. Your father mourned you so much, he was starting to get into a very dark mindset. He needed someone to watch his back. And when a young man came along, just as your father got himself cornered, it was me who gave the boy your suit."
Jason jerks his hand back.
"I'm not hurt that you moved on. And I believe you cared. And no, I was not angry about Robin before - I guess I didn't want to do much needed introspection. Consider the implications. But yes. I am angry now. If that was my kid... Alfred, but do you even hear yourself speak? That's not a young man. It's a boy. He's sixteen now, right? So thirteen when he started? And I know it's the same age as me, and I know Dick had been younger. Now that I'm..." A father, he swallows unuttered. "An adult, I can't help but feel angry. At you, at Bruce, at the boy's parents, at the world where this sort of thing could be believably framed as necessary. I'm angry, and I will not discuss it with you. I will be going now, and here's my number."
He scribbles on a napkin.
"Give it to the kid. If he ever needs to talk - if Dick is still functionally a ghost and he has to settle for the bad Robin. He can give me a call."
He leaves as quick as he can. Bruce tries to stop him and Jason shoves him away, and then Alfred stops him.
And Jason should have expected not to expect anything, right?
It was a dumb idea, okay, laugh it off.
He will go to court next Monday.
He can't. He doesn't have anyone to watch Alex. He can't take Alex, the Social Services will take her away
No, they won't, and he can hire a babysitter by now.
But the Monday comes, and Jason doesn't go anywhere after dropping Sasha off.
Bruce ambushes him.
"This is your daughter," he says. Then he gestures behind their backs. "And that, I assume, is her step-sister."
"You work quick," Jason picks Alex up. "Did you trace my phone or tailed me from the Manor? It's the phone, isn't it."
In lieu of response, Bruce recites a mini dossier on Serj.
"I had half in mind to break his jaw and all of his limbs," Bruce says slowly, still keeping his hands in pockets, as though afraid he will start swinging otherwise. "But he's a beta. He's not the father."
Jason has twenty two responses to that and only two of them involve some variations of "fuck off and fuck you". He settles for a mild one.
"Me and Serj are living together, but we're not in relationship. I am saying this to save the time on dealing with your chivalrous alpha bullshit. But don't be mistaken, it's not your business. And you don't want to know who's the father, so don't go looking."
"Why? What will I find?" Bruce straightens up.
Jason - don't judge - doesn't know, exactly. Talia said it's better that he didn't know, and it is absolutely vital that Bruce didn't.
He has his suspicions. He ignores them and listens to what a woman much wiser than he is, says.
"Nothing," Jason says. "Because you're not going to look."
Alex begins to fuss and he has to put her down.
She largely ignores Bruce. Pigeons on the pavement are much more a valid focus of attention. With his birthday and mental preparations Jason had done for the trip down the memory lane, they haven't been in park for a week. That's where Jason is taking her.
Bruce is trailing along.
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my long boring post about chapter 293 and Kacchan’s hero name
lmao I think that’s all of them. anyways, so I said I was gonna do a post on this, and so here goes.
first off, I just want to say that people are allowed to not like the name! it’s a completely subjective thing, there’s no right or wrong “it’s good” or “it’s bad.” or rather, there is a right or wrong, and it’s whichever one you think it is. if you think it’s good, you’re right. if you think it’s bad, you’re also right. it’s an opinion, it doesn’t need to be backed up by peer review lol.
that said, here is my own completely subjective opinion: I think “Dynamight” (though please not with the capital “m”, I beg you lol) is a terrific name for him honestly. it’s clever wordplay, it’s a subtle callback/tribute to his favorite hero who is also his inspiration for becoming a hero, and it’s a perfect fit for his chosen aesthetic. it’s honestly great.
and what makes it even better is that at the same time, it is also stupid as fuck lmao. this is a name that encapsulates the duality of man. it’s the perfect metaphor for this boy who think he’s the hottest shit god ever invented, and has no idea that the number of people who take him seriously after interacting with him for more than ten seconds is actually in the single digits. this hero name is the equivalent of an excited puppy ferociously bounding towards a squirrel only to trip over its own feet and fall flat on its face. it thinks it is scary as fuck, and has no idea that 30,000 people on TikTok think it’s the most adorable thing they’ve ever seen. I unabashedly love it, and will also ceaselessly roast the everloving shit out of it without the slightest remorse, just like I roast the beloved boy attached to it. that’s just how it is lol.
so that’s how I feel about the name! however, this next part I need to emphasize: my opinion of the name, and my opinion of whether or not I actually think this will be his name, are two different things. I like the name Dynamight. I really do. and I also think there is next to no chance that this will actually be his hero name.
here’s the thing. this would have been a perfect name for him if it had been his chosen name back in chapter 45 when everyone else picked their aliases. it would have fit in seamlessly with the rest of his class. Red Riot, Chargebolt, Earphone Jack, Sugarman, Uravity; those are all names that stick in your mind and look great on official merch. those are names that sell action figures, but they also do a great job of representing the individuals behind the names. they have personality. and so does “Dynamight”, for sure.
but the thing is, for whatever reason, Horikoshi didn’t have him pick this name back in chapter 45. he went with a running gag instead. “King Explosion Murder”, “Lord Explosion Murder”, and so forth. and in the end, we never got a hero name at all. he could have had him pick Dynamight after we’d had our laughs. hell, he could have used it as an early easter egg hinting at Kacchan’s admiration for All Might, which wouldn’t be officially revealed until the final exam arc about twenty chapters later. “Dynamight” in Japanese is written out in katakana -- ダイナマイト (“dainamaito”). this is the word that’s used in Japan for actual dynamite. there is no inherent indicator that it’s a pun; it just so happens that the “mite” in dynamite is spelled out phonetically in Japanese the exact same way that “might” is. so the pun isn’t obvious unless you know to look for it. Horikoshi could have left us all thinking that “Dynamite” was his name until chapter 62 or thereabouts when he revealed that Katsuki looked up to All Might, at which point Horikoshi could finally reveal the official English spelling and it would be like a second name reveal. which would have been pretty sweet, actually.
but my point being, for some reason he instead chose not to do this. instead he chose to drag it all out for 250 chapters, content to let us all languish. this man had not a shred of mercy for the thousands of Bakugou fans who were all “please, sir, the fic,” before eventually giving up and adopting Ground Zero as the official-unofficial name until we either got a real reveal or died of old age. he dragged it out, and kept it as a gag, and eventually it was just like, fine, whatever.
and then this happened.
and it changed everything.
because you see, all of a sudden “Bakugou’s Hero Name” wasn’t just a running joke gag plot anymore. in the span of three sentences, Horikoshi changed the entire meaning of it. “your hero name represents your desires. the embodiment of how you wish to be. your ideal self.”
just like that, the whole mystery of “what will Bakugou’s hero name be” goes from being a funny little ongoing thing to an existential question, with the implication being that the choice he finally makes, whatever it may be, will in essence reveal the very core of his character. “your ideal self.” in other words this will really be almost the pinnacle of his entire character arc. his hero name, when he finally picks it, will show us just how far he’s come. it will show us his answer to “what kind of person do you want to be.”
that is an insane amount of meaning to suddenly dump onto something that up until this point had just been a funny little running gag. “lol Bakugou loves murder and death.” “lol at this rate Bakugou will graduate while still not having an actual hero name.” from that, to suddenly out of the blue, “Bakugou’s hero name will show us who he is as a person.” like, holy shit though. and mind you, this isn’t something that’s been done for any other character. this is very Bakugou-specific. all this build-up and significance has been ascribed to his hero name specifically. at this point his name is basically its own fucking plot. it’s literally its own individual little arc. all of that build-up. all of that meaning and importance given to it.
and then Horikoshi goes and gives us this.
so. like... okay, I guess??
like, just some quick things of note here though:
he is still doing the whole “explosive destruction murder” thing on top of the “Dynamight” part. indicating that there has not been the slightest bit of thoughtful consideration actually given on his part. literally the one thing that everyone and their mom was trying to explain to him not to do, and all of it went in one ear and out the other. which is fine!! he is adorable here and I want to ruffle his hair, honestly. but it’s clear to me that he still hasn’t grasped what Jeanist was trying to explain to him before, if this is really his answer to “what would you consider to be your ideal self” lol.
the name is INSTANTLY panned by every single person in the surrounding vicinity, villains included. hell, Mirio might as well have stabbed him all over again. obviously this is intentionally being used as a lighthearted moment to briefly give the audience a breather before we wade back into the Todoroki drama; but at the same time it indicates that this name isn’t exactly going to be taken seriously by anyone who hears it in-universe. they are literally wincing upon hearing it skjlklhkgf.
lastly, none of the people closest to him -- Deku, All Might, Kirishima, or Shouto -- are even there to hear it. all of that build-up, all of that “Kacchan’s hero name will show us how far he’s come in his character development”, and then when it finally happens, the people who have had the most impact aren’t even there to partake in the moment. Shouto and Deku are busy dealing with an entirely separate plot and trying very hard not to be set on fire while Kacchan is out here providing comic relief.
because that’s really what this is, though. this is a joke. like, I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense; I mean that it is literally a joke. and so what you’re telling me is, if this really is his hero name, we waited 250 chapters and Horikoshi built up an entire character arc around it, only to have the end result be a joke panel that in the end was arguably not even the biggest thing that happened in the chapter.
like, idk, maybe there’ll be a flashback about it later after all’s said and done which will imbue it with more meaning as some have suggested. maybe Horikoshi will explain how it’s a childhood throwback name that Deku once picked for him, like that theory that’s been making the rounds. I’m not saying it won’t be possible to build on this after the fact. but it will be after the fact, all the same. as far as the initial reveal goes... this is it. the epitome of anticlimactic. a brief joke reveal mid-fight where everyone immediately goes “are you fucking serious” and he’s all “I WAS FUCKING SERIOUS” and falls down out of comedy lmao.
and so, to wrap this post up finally, basically the way I see it is that there are two possibilities here. either (1) I have been way overthinking this from day one and it was never really that deep and Horikoshi thought this would be an appropriate and funny conclusion to a plotline which in his mind was always meant to be mostly lighthearted, with the Jeanist stuff mostly just thrown in there to push Bakugou into picking an at least halfway-decent name in spite of himself.
or, (2) this isn’t going to be his final hero name either. this is instead the last hurrah of the “Lord Explosion Murder” part of that plotline, and after he’s laughed out of the room yet again he will mope and cross out this one as well, and Horikoshi will sit on it for another 500 chapters until he finally reveals it at the very fucking end of the series. like at this point I wouldn’t put it past him to wait until the very last page. I s2g, this man. but the flipside of it is that when that moment finally does happen, I fully believe it will be a moment that actually feels earned. it will feel right. it will feel like the moment we spent all that time waiting for. or at least that’s what I hope.
so anyway, those are my thoughts on it! tl;dr, while I like Dynamight as a hero name in and of itself, I don’t think it’s going to be endgame, mostly because nothing about that reveal moment actually felt right to me. and of course, it’s very possible that I’m completely wrong about this; it wouldn’t be the first time (Kacchan’s quirk says hello). but on the other hand fandom isn’t totally batting a thousand either (Ground Zero says what up), so hey. we’ll see!
#bakugou katsuki#dynamight#bnha 293#bnha meta#bakugou meta#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#asks#anon asks
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Could you please do 48 with Sugar daddy!Bucky, please? Thank you!
48: “Why do you keep this picture of me in your wallet?”
word count: 2.3K
a/n: includes mention of sexy times (obviously, it’s a sugar daddy AU). I changed the quote slightly to fit the blurb better, sorry about that x blurb requests are still open, check my bio for more info :)
NOTE: above gif is simply used for aesthetic. not to indicate the reader is imagined to be white and skinny.
regular taglist: @wantyoubackpeter @platonic-plots @superwholockwannabe @xxmizzlexx @xdsockmonkey @princess-unicorn124 @not-jay-c @therealmrshale @caswinchester2000 @heartbeats-wildly @mostlylyricedits @musiclover1263 @angel-spidey @delicately-important-trash @theimpossiblehologramtree @sweetstilesofmine @valentinevirgo @barnes-heaven @paintingbellarke @cherryblossowm @sailorcrescentpotter1 @tomshufflepuff
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“No feelings, just business.”
That’s what he had told you, the first time he had bought you that far too expensive champagne at the bar at a roof party in Milan. You had been dragged there by Natasha after turning down her offer to let you stay in her penthouse for a few weeks while you could find another place to live in after your landlord had decided to kick you out for a wealthier renter. As a university student, you needed to find a new place to live, and fast, near the university. Unfortunately, your university was in the smack middle of the city- making any possible accommodation extremely expensive.
“Just two drinks and you can leave.” Natasha argued, grabbing your hand and dragging you into the party. You already regretted entering as you felt so out of place- Natasha had been born into wealth, her father being an oil baron and her mother being one of the most famous actresses in Russia’s history. The other people at the party were those in her circle, other rich, successful and attractive people far above your caliber.
“I don’t belong here, Nat.” you complained, frantically pulling at your dress. She had insisted on buying it for you, going as far as pretending to go to the bathroom before paying the bill at the cashier of the designer store, but it was far too tight and short. The black little number clung to every crevice of your skin and matched with the velvet heels you were wearing, making you feel slightly self conscious with every step you took.
“Nonsense, babe. You look fucking gorgeous, you’ve been stressing too much lately and you need to blow off some steam tonight! Besides-” she leaned in closer to your ear to whisper. “I’m pretty sure half of the men here want to jump into your pants tonight.”
You didn’t even want to glance at the direction she was pointing at and scowled, pushing her off with a playful glare.
“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”
“No I’m not, I-”
Someone near the pool called Natasha’s name and she gave you a brief apology and a hug before scurrying off, greeting the other person with a loud scream. She was definitely a social butterfly, whilst you took a bit of time to warm up to people- especially in situations where you felt out of place. And now you were left.
Alone.
“Could I keep you company instead?” a deep voice rung out from behind you. His tall stature dwarfed yours in comparison as he extended his hand towards you, the cuff links of his Armani suit rolled back slightly to expose his skin. The designer suit was nothing compared to his gorgeous face, a hint of stubble on his chin and a jawline that could cut crystal glass.4
“S-sure.”
He ordered the two of you a cocktail you’d never heard the name of, but you didn’t question it, still mesmerized by his presence. He chuckled at your obvious stare, causing you to look away in embarrassment.
“Are you fond of Oscar de la Renta?” he asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
“W-who?”
He chuckled at your frantic response, sipping on his glass slowly as he eyed you up and down.
“Your dress. It’s an Oscar de la Renta piece.... You’re not a part of this usual crowd, are you?”
You shook your head sideways, confirming his suspicion.
“How’d you know Natasha?”
“We go to the same university. She invited me to this party because I’ve been pretty stressed in between studying and finding a new place to stay... Money’s really tight right now and places in the city are expensive...” you rambled on, not noticing the shift in his eyes as he listened to your predicament.
“I could help you, you know.” he proposed. You chuckled nervously, toying with the hem of your dress.
“I don’t even know who you are.”
“The name’s Bucky. Bucky Barnes.”
Three glasses of wine later and he’d lured you in, trading details of your life with his. You found out that he was a self-made billionaire who co-owned a private equity firm with his business partner, Steve Rogers. With hundreds of companies under his palm, he had it all- the money, the fame in the business world, the admiration and loyalty. But he wanted more than a “quick fuck”, as he put it.
“So what exactly are you proposing?” you’d pressed, leaning in closer. He smirked, flexing his rolex watch in the dim bar light.
“I could be your sugar daddy, in the bluntest terms.”
“Do I look like the type of girl who’d be a sugar baby?”
He raised his eyebrow.
“I don’t know, doll, but... you’re fucking gorgeous. And out of money. I know you’re busy with school and all, but all I’m asking is that when you’re not at school to accompany me. I’ll give you everything else- money, gifts, trips to exotic places, connections.... All you need to give me is affection and physical company.”
You bit your lip, mulling this over. The thought of being a sugar baby had never entered your mind, but here you were, being offered the world and more by an insanely attractive man. And all you had to do was keep him company- emotionally and sexually. His hand traveled over to your lap, his clean cologne warming your senses as he awaited your answer.
"No feelings, just business, right?” you asked quietly. He nodded.
“No feelings, just business.”
That solidified your decision.
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For the first few months, you followed him everywhere.
Fiji. London. Paris. French Rivieras.
You’d let him pin you against the wall and fuck you senseless at the hotel room in exchange for an unlimited access to his platinum credit card the next day. He spoiled you with designer dresses from brands you couldn’t even pronounce and gifts that could single-handedly pay off student loans.
With your schedule as a full time student and his hectic lifestyle as a billionaire CEO, you both agreed on having spaced out interactions. If he was in the city, you’d meet him twice a week, maybe even more if he was offering extra. If he was travelling, you could take a week off, week and a half off, maximum, to see him. On the days where you couldn’t physically see him, lots of sexts and calls were exchanged, all from the new phone Bucky had bought you.
It was as business as it could get, or so you thought.
You’d gotten a call from Bucky in the middle of the night, whilst you were cramming for a final, even though you’d both agreed at the beginning that meeting up during finals would be extremely limited.
“Hello?”
“I need you to fly with me to Boston tomorrow night.”
You sighed, rubbing your eyes.
“Bucky, I can’t. I’m swamped with finals and-”
“Doll, I’m literally begging you, I-”
That caught your attention, causing you to sit straight up. Bucky never begged for anything. Let alone, to you.
“My family’s been bugging me about meeting my new ‘girlfriend’ and me ‘settling down’ or whatever. I already told them I was bringing you, please, doll? I’ll double, even triple your pay.”
“Buck... It’s not about the money right now, I really need to do well on my finals. It’s in two weeks.”
“And we’ll be back in a day or so, it’s just a quick stop by. Please... do this for me? A-at least as a friend, we’re at least friends, right?”
And for some reason, perhaps it was because he sounded unusually desperate, you said yes. He picked you up in his limo the next day, exactly at 6pm, and you flew with him in his private jet to his childhood home in Boston.
“It’s a little small.” he’d warned on the plane, as he helped you step down the metal stairs.
Small your fucking ass.
You were astounded by the sheer amount of ground the mansion covered, as a maid scurried towards you and took your bags into the house. The steep marble arches and the high pane windows made you feel small, as you felt Bucky slip his arm around your waist and guide you towards the entrance.
Bucky’s mother was waiting for you at the door, pulling you into a tight hug and gushing about how pretty and polite you were to Bucky. You felt your heart skip a beat when Bucky referred to you as his “girlfriend”, but you forced yourself to breathe and smile.
No feelings, just business, you had to remind yourself.
Bucky was dragged off to the side by his sister and father, meaning that you were dragged to the kitchen to keep his mother company. She was a very lovely woman, which was why you felt quite guilty lying to her about dating her son.
“I’m so happy you’re dating my son, (Y/n).” she cooed, opening the stove. “I’ve never seen him stare at a woman so madly in love.”
Signing if off as good acting on Bucky’s part, you smiled, waving off her compliment.
“I’m the lucky one, miss. That said, I’m pretty sure I’m the romantic in the relationship.” you joked, eliciting a laugh from her.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, you know. I’ve seen that picture of you in his wallet.”
Picture?
Bucky never told you he kept physical pictures of you. You’d spend him pictures and you two took pictures on dates and outings, sure, but it was all digitalized and kept away in your phones....
Right?
Before you could question her further, she announced that dinner was ready, forcing you to sit next to Bucky. He pulled out a chair for you, causing his sister to outwardly “aww”, and making you let out a shaky sigh. His hand found his way down the table to rest in yours, his thumb grazing your hand repeatedly in a soothing manner.
That was new.
Bucky was an affectionate man, but he usually kept it brief, unless in bed.
“So (Y/n), tell us more about how you met Bucky.” Rebecca pressed, sipping on her glass of wine with a teasing smile. The conversation flowed easily from there, jokes and embarrassing childhood memories being thrown around as time passed by. Four cups of wine and a mortifying story about Bucky falling on his face during a dance recital at his boarding school, you and Bucky clambered up to bed, your face still red from laughter.
“It’s not that funny.” Bucky grumbled underneath his breath as you clung onto him for support.
“Sorry, I just... I never would’ve thought you’d be a dancer. Let alone a clumsy dancer.” you teased, opening the door to the bedroom.
“Well I guess there’s more of me for you to discover.”
The drunken haze lifted from your consciousness at his response, the sudden soft tone catching you off guard. The entire night, you drank away your fears, the fear that maybe he liked you back. You’d realized you had caught feelings for him, hard, about two months into it, but you’d talked yourself out of acting on it.
No feelings, just business. That is what he had said.
But the whole night he went out of his way to touch you, holding your hand and kissing the back of your neck. Calling you “doll” and “sweetheart.” Telling his family stories about you with an adoring gaze in his eyes. And according to his mother, that picture of you in his wallet...
“Shit, I left my phone downstairs. I’ll be right back.” he said, interrupting your train of thought. He conveniently left his wallet behind, and when you flipped it open, there indeed was a picture of you inside.
And not just any picture.
It was one of you, passed out on his lap after a particularly grueling and boring conference call, in which Bucky was working from his home. You weren’t dressed up, hell, you didn’t even have any makeup on. Just an old t-shirt he owned and short pajama shorts, and a pair of penguin socks. It was oddly domestic and simple.
And he had it printed and stuck in between the leather bindings of his wallet.
“Why do you keep this picture of me in your wallet?”
Bucky’s smile dropped off his face as his eyes shifted to the picture he’d been hiding away in your hand, dread seeping across his chest. He swore under his breath, he knew he should’ve kept it somewhere more secretive, but he just couldn’t help himself.
“Can I be honest?”
You nodded as he took in a deep breath.
“I.... I know I said ‘no feelings, just business’, and really, at the beginning, I thought that was all it was going to be. But... somewhere down the line, I realized, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re wicked smart. You’re so kind. You’re not afraid to crack a joke at my expense. You’re... the perfect girl for me, except I was paying for it. I was paying for this... fantasy. Before you say anything, I know you don’t feel the same. I know this is all business for you, so uh, if you want to end the relationship now, since I’ve gotten attached, I’ll under-”
He’s cut off by your body crashing into his, your arms wrapping around his shoulders and he can taste the cherry wine on your lips as you press into him. He eagerly returns the kiss but is left dazed when you pull back, a wide smile on your face.
“I love you, you idiot.”
He smiles back, a smile so bright and sweet that makes your heart flutter, before he pulls you onto his lap on the bed. His hand is already underneath your blouse as he pulls out his phone, his lips tracing your neck.
“So... what’d you say I get a new picture for my wallet?”
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan x y/n#sebastian stan x you#bucky barnes fluff#sugar daddy!bucky#sugar daddy!bucky x reader#sugar daddy!bucky barnes#bucky barnes oneshot#bucky barnes imagine#marvel fanfiction#marvel blurbs#marvel imagine#marvel reader insert#i actually really like the way it turned out
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artist asks, 1, 10, 17, 20?
aww, thank you for sending me numbers! <3
1. Show your most recent wip
I literally was about to start on my next thing now so I don't have a WIP but I do have its storyboard lol here is a panel that makes some amount of sense
10. What’s that one thing that inspired you to make drawing your consistent hobby?
Emphasis on the consistent part: self-improvement. I've been drawing every single day for about 7 years now, and the purpose of the daily sketch is to practice Things to facilitate learning and make my digital pieces as limitless as possible. I want to be able to draw whatever my brain wants me to draw. I also bought a shitload of sketchbooks so I should probably do something with them. I'm currently on #55 and there's probably like 100+ more so I'll likely be sketching into my grave. When I die, I hope it's after my daily drawing and not before.
There was a great quote floating around on tumblr about how creativity is like a specific type of dog breed and you don't want to leave it alone bc you'll regret what it does if you do, and that really encapsulates why I still draw. I have an imagination much like any other person out there, and I want them to manifest by my own hand. Drawing is probably the most easily accessible creative outlet. I did pick up writing again but I am more visually inclined as an individual so drawing suits my needs better and it is fun to make the lines go brrr and suddenly a tree is on a piece of paper.
17. What inspires you?
This is a fun one. Other artists, art history, fashion illustration, architecture of places with actually nice architecture, graphic design, comics, stories (books or other media) and presently Xiaolumi lol. The brain will find a way to make a series of unrelated things into something.
20. What works have you drawn fanart of?
A lot lol.
With commitment and feeling: Mystic Messenger, Ikemen Sengoku, Ikemen Vampire, Genshin Impact. I gave so much energy into cybirb fandoms and it stings lol
For shits and giggles: Totally Spies (my eternal well of good vibes), Sailor Moon, W.I.T.C.H., Persona 5, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Monster High (on a different blog lol).
People generally don't give a shit about OCs so it's normal I lose followers whenever I post things of them. Bc of that, the bulk of my stuff of substance has been fanart which I don't mind bc I do love the series I draw stuff for.
Thank you for sending me numbers! <3
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cupcake. | c. san
a/n: thank you so much anon for requesting! contrary to the mingi e2l fic, this one is a tad shorter and maybe less angst??? also i’m sorry if it didn’t exceed your expectations anon though i hope you enjoyed reading this! do ignore mistakes as this has not been proofread! ✨💖
“you can't just fucking copy and paste the whole wikipedia page!” you hissed over at the male who seemed unfazed by your protests after taking a look at his part of the assignment you were partnered up with, picking at his nails boredly.
of all people in the class, your lecturer just had to pair you up with choi san.
choi fucking san.
what comes to mind whenever his name is mentioned? if anyone had heard the question, the answers would be similar.
he's the athlete, the top player in the field, the football team’s hope and pride. he is choi san who has the whole college smitten over him as soon as he entered the fields, and scream out his name whenever he grabbed the ball and made a run for it to the opponent's goal, ignoring the opposing team’s defense and strikers coming up to tackle him down to steal the ball.
not only that, he excelled in his studies, managing to be at the top of your class after every test your class would hold. a lot of people in your college wished that they had the ability to be able to balance their studies and sports at the same time. you would be lying if you denied that you didn’t wish to know his secret in time management as well because, let’s be honest, sometimes you would procrastinate your assignments and had to rush through finishing them once the deadline was near.
to anyone else in the college, choi san is everyone else's dream guy. with a single piercing gaze or a smirk being sent in their way, they are bound to stutter all over the place or would even return the smirk with a wink or flirty advances, only to have him shut them down just as soon as they tried. it was safe to say that everyone wanted to be or be with, choi san.
only if he would get his head out of his ass.
you can't help but to roll your eyes at his lack of response after you ranted at how he just slapped on wikipedia's history of how theatres started in the first place before you groaned and slammed your head on the table, not even wincing from the loud thump against the wooden furniture. You wondered if he genuinely had no idea of how to do this assignment or he was just being petty.
you would bet a whole pizza it was the latter without a heartbeat.
“why did i ever get partnered up with you?”
“the same question is in my mind, cupcake.” san spoke nonchalantly, now resting his cheek against his knuckles as he stared at the mess of hair on the table in front of him.
“call me cupcake one more time and i'll stab you with a plastic spoon.”
“sure, cupcake. very scary of you.” you merely glared at san, who was looking at you with a glint of mischief swirling in his dark irises while the corners of his lips threatened to curl in the annoyed gaze you sent him.
you don't know how you and san started to hate each other. you barely ever interacted with him at all. though you might have an idea why. you had received the highest mark in your test one time, much to your joy. you would have to admit, it was satisfying to feel the smugness in san be replaced with shock once he had heard about it. while your classmates congratulated you as the class had come to an end, san glared holes in the back of your head, labelling you as his rival instantly.
now, whenever you crossed his path, be it in the hallways or just literally everywhere on the campus grounds, he would send you a dirty look or two. at first, you felt conscious from the way he stared at you, thinking if there was something in your face or hair, or maybe your clothes? your best friend, yunho, would reassure you that there was nothing wrong with you and to not mind him as such.
easier said than done. especially when the two of you have the same class together. your annoyance grew from the way san would sit behind you and purposely kick your seat, feigning innocence when you asked what was his problem. not only that, he would also lay pranks on you, like the old whoopie cushion thing so the whole class would look at you. or how he would even throw paper balls aimed at your head while class was in session. he would even purposely put his leg out while you weren't looking to make you trip in your steps, laughing with his friends afterwards and calling you ‘miss klutz’. you were lucky that yunho was there to catch you by the arm or you would've landed on your face.
it is when you finally snapped that you literally dragged him back into class as the other students had filed out, leaving the both of you alone.
“what the hell is your problem with me?” you asked, trying to remain unaffected at the way his hard eyes stared down at you.
san feigned confusion. he might be the college’s football star, but he sure as hell sucked at acting.
“i don't know what you're talking about.” he answered plainly.
“oh? then what about the kicking on my seat? the pranks you laid? what are you, 5?” you ranted, eyebrows all furrowed, the apples of your cheeks were tinted with a faint shade of pink from the rising temperature of your body due to the anger slowly pouring out of you. clearly you didn’t want to waste your time in college dealing with such childish acts.
but the boy merely stared at your face for a few seconds once you were done, only then suddenly laughing and rubbed a hand across his face.
“something about you just irritates me to the core.” he said, causing you to feel the slight sting of his venom laced tone in your chest, swallowing thickly as you could feel the anger in you rising.
with a shove of his hands into his pockets, san smirked down at you and leaned his face close to yours with you backing away slightly from the sudden close proximity between the two of you.
“y/n l/n, you irritate me.”
those were his last words before he walked off, deliberately bumping his shoulder against yours, leaving you in the now empty classroom with fists tightly clenched to your sides and jaw clenched.
‘the feeling is mutual, choi san.’ was the last thing in your head before you blinked the angry tears away, gathering your things and quickly headed out to your next class.
and after that incident, it was no surprise that everyone felt the tension between the two of you. especially when the two of you decided to beat each other in who would do better in class, one of you would send smug smiles whenever the other had received a lower score than the other. And when your college had its annual football games every year, you would instead scream another player’s name while the others would cheer san’s name.
sometimes, one of your classes would even have an impromptu debate. that only fueled the fire between the two of you. instead of facts and refutes being argued, it would always end up with the two of you sending bickers back and forth, up to the point of being kicked out of class by your lecturer.
one of your poor lecturers must’ve had enough of the both of you not resolving whatever grudge the two of you are holding against one another that when he announced the two of you were paired up, both san and you felt like the world suddenly stopped spinning. with wide eyes, you turned to look at the boy, who was no doubt already glaring at you with his tongue poking his inner cheek.
“well, fuck you too, san.” you hissed underneath your breath, yelping as yunho nudged your side with his elbow, pouting at the way he shook his head.
“if you get kicked out one more time, i'm not gonna lend you my notes.” he said, turning his head to pay attention to the lecturer afterwards.
“jung yunho!”
so, here you are. stuck with choi san until the two of you are finished with the assignment.
the first few days of having to work on this project was only filled with the two of you sending insults to one another back and forth instead of actually working on the assignment. by the fourth day, however, you had expected san to comment on your hair or even your clothes once you arrived in the library. as much as you wanted to retaliate, you instead had to sit him down just to say that the days spent arguing with each other could be used to work on your assignment, and the two of you didn’t have that much time as it was due in five more days. though reluctant, the male released a low sigh and agreed to finally get things started.
but of course, his pettiness didn’t stop there. Hence, the reason why you are ranting to him.
“san, i’m serious, we really need to get this started.” you pinched the bridge of your nose.
“and did i not have a head start on this assignment?” said male retaliated, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“you are unbelievable.”
“why thank you, cupcake.”
“fuck off.” you groaned and slumped against your seat.
‘this is going anywhere at all.’ you thought, a hand coming up to card your digits through your hair before you heard the clicking of keys of a keyboard from a certain raven haired male in front of you.
you had to lift your head to see what he was up to now. to your surprise, san was rapidly typing up something into his laptop, eyes all focused and teeth sometimes chewing on the soft muscle of his lower lip.
“stop gawking at me, cupcake.” he said suddenly, now casting his gaze away from the laptop’s monitor to your face, effectively making you look away, and pretended to focus on your laptop, busying yourself by focusing on your part of the assignment. much to his amusement.
taking the brief opportunity, san had his eyes on you. Something about you was intriguing to him. he had always seen you as a rival in the classes you shared, wanting to beat you in any scores. he won’t even forget the amount of times he would see you in one of his games, though you weren’t looking at him with the same excitement in your eyes as the other spectators. you were.. Intriguing.
so much, that it bothered him day and night. wondering how your reactions were always so interesting every time he pulled on your leg. he can’t get your damn face out of his head to the point he just grew irritated at it. thus, taking it out on you by doing petty things.
“stop gawking at me, san.” your voice reached his ears and managed to make him snap back into reality, rolling his eyes before looking back down at his laptop.
“whatever.” he grumbled.
and for the first time, silence hung over the two of you. the only sounds present were the clicking of keyboards, the occasional doors opening and being closed by the students either entering or leaving the library, the quiet laughs from another group of students in another table a few feet away from yours while the both of you were slowly trapped into your own worlds.
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
a low groan left san’s lips as he stretched his arms out back, letting out a yawn in the process to make the drowsiness he accumulated from having to work on the assignment go away, sighing as the his tense muscles loosened up from the hours of staying hunched in front of his laptop. dark pools of chocolate stared out the window, and judging by the sky had turned from a clear blue to a now orange and crimson with a few specks of pink here and there, it was already evening.
a soft snore made its way into his ears, causing the male to look over at you. It seems you had fallen asleep while working from the way your hands were somehow still on the laptop’s keyboard yet your head was rested on your left arm. some of the strands of your hair had blanketed your cheeks as your eyelids were closed shut, twitching ever so slightly. for once, your face looked as if it was at ease, a huge contrast from your daily scowls and clenched jaw every time the two of you see each other in the hallways or class.
it was when you let out a light groan that managed to make san snap out of his daze, blinking a few times as he caught himself staring at your sleeping figure. clearing his throat to hide the growing heat blooming over his cheeks, tugging the collar of his shirt slightly to let the breeze from the library’s air conditioner cool off the sudden warmth he felt creeping up his neck. he had made the conclusion that the two of you were done for the day.
the screeching noise from the legs of the chair dragging against the floor was enough to jolt you awake, immediately lifting your head, though your eyes were squinted due to heaviness of sleep still evident on your eyelids.
“good morning to you too, cupcake.” san mused, shoving his laptop into his bag.
ah, there it was. the look of distaste has appeared yet again. san couldn’t help but to snicker inwardly at the sight.
“i said don’t call me that. what time is it anyway?” you yawned, then stretching your arms out in front of you to get rid of the sore feeling on your lower back and shoulder blades.
“time for us to go is what it is.” san answered plainly, smirking at the way you sent him a glare.
“unless, you wanna sleep in the library, cupcake.” he added.
seeing his point, your lips formed into a defeated pout as you started to gather your things, double checking to make sure you saved your work in your laptop. pushing the chair in, you grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder. All you need right now is to lie down in your bed after a good shower.
“i’ll see you tomorrow. you better not copy a whole wikipedia page again, san.” you said, walking past him.
you were a few steps away from the library’s main door until you heard san calling out your name, making you freeze momentarily in place. confused, you turned around to see san rubbing the back of his neck.
“i..” he started.
your eyebrows furrowed, puzzled to see why he was acting this way. you patiently waited for him to say something, expecting him to send something snarky at your way. suddenly, he shook his head and waved his hand dismissively.
“never mind. don’t be late tomorrow, cupcake.” he said.
scoffing, you looked at him disbelief before shaking your head, turning around to finally leave the library.
meanwhile, san stood in the middle of the library and took a breath in before slowly letting it go, lips pursing out as he did so. his eyebrows furrowed, seemingly feeling a tad odd as to why his heart was beating so fast. The familiar warm feeling was felt in his chest as well as the image of you sleeping had popped into his mind.
with a shake of his head, san quickly made his way out of the library.
‘i have a lot more things to worry about.’ he thought.
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
it has been a few days after that and much to your surprise, san hadn’t been making comments at your clothes or hair or rather, everything about you. even yunho had asked if things are in good terms now, you and san. but you could care less, all you wanted was to finally present the project the two of you had finally finished just yesterday. although it was odd, you were actually grateful that the two of you seemed to have calmed down. yet you had to think at how long this will actually last.
you’re giving him three days at most before he starts his petty arguments with you again.
you failed to notice the one sitting next to you, thinking that it was only yunho who had finally arrived in class. that was until you received a text from a certain tall peachy haired friend of yours.
‘hey, i can’t make it to class today. i guess it’s your turn to lend me notes this time :p’ the text said.
with furrowed brows, you read the text over and over again. though the more you read it, the more you were confused. what was he talking about? yunho would never miss a class. plus, he’s literally right there next to you. lifting your head up, you decided to confront supposedly tall friend.
“yunho, what did you mean by this te-” your words died in your throat. instead, a sharp gasp was emitted from your lips.
next to you, san looked at you with a raised brow, amusement painted over the features of his face.
“cat got your tongue, cupcake?”
oh yeah, definitely.
how could someone not be surprised at the way he was acting now? of course if two people hated each other they would have sat at a distance from each other, just like how san would sit near the window, behind you, or even at the back row, just anywhere and not literally right next to you.
“any reason what you are doing here?” you asked, to which san rolled his eyes at you.
“you seem to forget that we take this class together, cupcake. plus, we needed to present today, remember?” he flatly said, now taking out his laptop as the other students filled the room.
you weren’t surprised to see the confused stares being sent at your way. honestly, you could be one of them too, wondering what the hell was going on.
“i’m pretty sure there are plenty of seats around?” you mumbled, taking your eyes off of him to take out your own notebook and prepared your stationary for the class.
“and? it’s not like i would burn while sitting next to you.” he retaliated while trying to hide the growing smirk on his lips.
“unless you’re secretly a mage and could burn me anytime soon.” san added, eyes not taking off of his laptop screen to check if everything was in check before going up front to do the presentation.
“i wish i could.” was the last thing you said before the lecturer walked in, and class was in session.
the both of you were supposed to focus in class but sometimes, you can’t help but to catch san’s gaze on you, him quickly averting his gaze away from you to listen to the first couple of groups present their work until it was finally the time the both of you were up.
honestly, you weren’t surprised with just how fluidly san explained every little details of your projects from the definition to the history, to the objectives, and even the cause and effects. you, on the other hand, would answer the questions being thrown in between your presentation by either the lecturer or from your classmates.
san would have to give all the credit to you at how calmly you responded to some of the most obvious questions as well. knowing him, his sharp tongue would have sent them a snarky response or two.
before you know it, the both of you finished your presentation.
“that was wonderful!” your lecturer praised, clapping his hands while both you and san bowed your heads simultaneously.
“i knew that both of you could work together, look at you finally getting along!” he laughed.
you and san looked at each other then at the lecturer, smiling awkwardly over at him. clearing his throat, san emitted a strained laugh while you just rubbed your arm. the both of you looked so awkward that it was almost painful to the eyes.
“we sure are…” you muttered, making your way back to your seat once the two of you were allowed to go back to your seats.
despite all of that had happened though, you felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. with the days of non stop bickering with choi san, the constant erasing and retyping up a few paragraphs, along with the all nighters being held… it's safe to say that you are finally free. for now, that is.
since the professor of your final class of the day had cancelled it, you had planned to just go straight home, considering that you were free for the whole afternoon anyway, and catch up on that much needed sleep that you had lacked the past week. And the fact that the next day is a weekend as well? You weren’t surprised if you slept until sunday. so as soon as the lecturer had wrapped things up for the day, you started to gather your things.
“cupcake, can i talk to you for a second?” san spoke up, making you halt your movements in packing the things up.
at first, you found the nickname to be utterly cheesy and a tad embarrassing. you had tried to make san stop calling you that, even if it meant for you to send a sharp glare at his way whenever he called you that. you had slowly grown accustomed to the name and dare say, started to like the nickname. as much as you hated to admit, you also thought that it sounded cute.
“what do you want, san?”
once again, it felt as if you were back on that certain day while at the library. san rubbed the back of his nape sheepishly and looked down at the floor, before taking a deep breath in, exhaling through his nose then looking up at you.
“care to have lunch with me?” he offered.
you could only stare at him, dumbfounded at his sudden offer. after a few seconds, you chuckled and scratched the back of your ear, while san scrunched his eyebrows.
“i'm sorry, i thought i heard you wrong. i thought i heard you asking if i wanted to have lunch with you?”
“that's what i just said?”
your jaw went slack as you stared at him with wide eyes, resembling a deer caught in headlights. your eyes searched his face as if to look for any hints of him just kidding and go back to bickering with you over the smallest things.
but it never came.
instead, he genuinely looks confused.
“and for what? are you gonna poison my food?” you eyed him in a skeptical manner, eyes narrowed. san snorted and shifted his weight on one foot as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“had i wanted to poison you, i would have done it a while ago.” he mused.
okay, is this really san? the boy who had laid pranks on you? the boy who wanted to make everything in class with you a competition? the one who made the both of you kicked out of the classroom? the one-
“cupcake? i'm not gonna hurt you, damn.” san reassured, rolling his eyes as he sensed the still unsure expression on your face.
“i'll explain when we get lunch, mm? now, come on.”
before you could even protest, san grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the classroom, much to the curious stares being sent your way by your classmates.
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
“this place looks cute. How did you find it?” you asked once you settled down in your seat, san sitting across from you.
the two of you ended up in a small cafe just near your college. you were actually surprised that you hadn’t come across this place from years of being in college. though with how it was surrounded by other tall buildings in the area, you thought that it would be understandable how you didn’t see the place in the first place. yet, you weren’t complaining. with how it was hidden among the large buildings, it wasn’t crowded and you liked it. however, you didn’t expect san to have known this place.
san leaned against the table, elbows both resting on top of the faux marble with a shrug of his shoulders, and then he smiled. you silently took the short chance to admire the way his usual sharp gaze looked so… tender with the way he smiled, some sort of fiery yet passion had glazed over them. you recently noticed how he had an eyebrow slit as well, not even going to lie to yourself at how he managed to pull that look.
“i recently knew about this place a few days ago on the way home after football practice.” he simply answered, glancing out the windows that seemed to almost reach the floor.
of course, the aesthetically pleasing cafe was not enough to keep your mind from wandering off. something was still bugging you on the way here. mimicking the way he rested his elbows on the table, you leaned a little closer to him and called out his name, making sure you had san’s attention.
“is there a specific reason why you suddenly wanna have lunch with me?” you asked, the usual sharpness of your voice whenever you bickered with the male was replaced with a soft, yet genuine curiosity laced in your tone as you spoke.
san, realising the real reason he had brought you here in the first place, sent you a little smile, albeit awkwardly.
“well, you know how the college’s football team would have a game every year, no?” he started, not really sure as to how to really break it to you.
“i mean, obviously. you guys have it every year, and have yet to have one this year.” you said, now resting your chin on the palm of your hand.
“which is really soon.” he added.
“how soon?”
“next week on wednesday? damn, i knew you weren’t into our matches but i didn’t it was to the point you would forget the dates.” he laughed, shaking his head.
“you gotta remember that i was also busy burying myself researching about our topic.” you deadpanned at him.
the both of you looked up as an elderly lady came to your table with a tray in her hands filled with your orders, mumbling a low ‘thank you’ as soon as she walked away. swirling your straw around in your milkshake, you took a small sip out of it, humming in approval as soon as the sweetness from the drink washed over your tastebuds.
“anyways, what about the game?” you asked, taking another sip from your milkshake.
“will you be coming?”
that was enough to make you choke onto your drink, causing you to choke as san quickly handed you a napkin with wide eyes to which you gratefully took and wiped the corner of your lips and chin, looking down at your clothes in case some of the droplets landed on them.
“you okay there, cupcake?” he asked, concerned but still amused to see your reaction.
“i.. you do know that i barely even know how football works.” you started with a slight cough in your sentence.
“so? i’m sure like half of the college doesn’t even know how it works.” he replied with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, taking a small piece of his chocolate cupcake, promptly eating it once he lifted the fork up to his lips.
“and why are you asking me whether i will come or not?”
you were genuinely confused at this point. you barely even know how football works, all you know is that someone just had to bring the ball to the opponent’s goal and… touchdown? yeah, that’s pretty much it.
“well.. It’s either a yes or a no question. you can either come or not, your choice” was san’s response.
his gaze was on the little piece of the cupcake he had on his fork, but instead of eating it, he poked it against the surface of the plate. he didn’t have the courage to actually voice out his reason, san knew he had a bit of a difficulty when it comes to voicing his feelings. especially if it involved some type of apology.
you could only stare at him in silence. so many thoughts suddenly swarmed in your mind at his offer. what happened to the san who always started arguments with you, and who is this quiet boy sitting in front of you poking his cupcake? you decided to shrug the thoughts away,
“i’ll think about it.” you mumbled.
silence started to fill in between the both of you, both eyes focused on either your drinks, your food, or the scenery out the window. the longer the both of you were in, the more you were feeling fidgety in your seat. as if wanting to fill it, you parted your lips to start a random topic.
“y/n.”
the way san suddenly called your name made you stop yourself, caught off guard from the way he had called your name. usually it would be the usual nickname. when your eyes met with his own, you tilted your head slightly to the side as if urging him to continue whatever he was about to say. you couldn’t help but to notice the slight flicker of conflict happening in his eyes along with the way san’s lips opened and closed, looking like a fish out of water, as he contemplated his words. as if to reassure him that he could take his time, you sent him a gentle smile.
but what happened after that made san freeze in place.
your hand, although a bit unsure, reached out to grab his. switching his gaze from your hand in his to your eyes, he could feel the growing warmth spreading all over his chest yet again. before he could ask what you were doing, you beat him to it.
“take your time in collecting your thoughts, i’m ready to listen.” you whispered.
it was another side of yours he hadn’t seen before. well, towards him, that is. san would always be greeted with your sharp tongue and the irritated tone of your voice whenever the both of you were caught in the middle of your heated arguments. but this time… you sounded so.. gentle? san wasn’t sure but all he knew is that your words managed to comfort him.
with a faint nod of his head, his eyelids fluttered shut as he took in a few deep breaths to calm his nerves, hand still holding onto yours. once ready, he faced you yet again.
“do you… really hate me?” he asked.
the question surprised you.
yes, yes i do hate you. yes, i hate how you make everything a competition whenever we have class together. i hate how you would smugly act like you weren’t the one who kicked my chair. i hate how you have to act like a total smartass and make me look dumb whenever we have our debates.
you wanted to say those words but.. somehow, you couldn’t. from the last few times of working the project with him, you had come to the realisation that all of it was childish, that all of it was merely petty. is it really hate? or was it just pure annoyance?
you swallowed thickly as you subconsciously gave san’s hand a gentle squeeze, to which made the male look down at your intertwined hands.
“i’m gonna have to know the same thing.” you said underneath your breath.
the words that left your lips made san shake his head, calling out your name softly so that you could look at him.
“i… never hated you. i guess i just felt.. challenged?” he explained, grimacing at his choice of words.
“if you meant by the one time i beat your score back then i don't think it's val-”
“no, god, no!” san cut you off immediately with a shake of his head. straightening up in his seat, he had decided that it was time to get this over with.
“i guess… i guess i just thought that you were interesting to me. where you would be so unbothered by everything around you, the only concern you had were about your studies.” san explained softly, and you listening to his explanation intently.
“and from the way you talk about things so animatedly towards yunho, believe me, i heard about the stories you told to him when i was sitting behind you.” he chuckled at the way your ears turned pink, playfully glaring at him.
“i can't help but to feel intrigued but the more i wanted to shove those feelings away, the more it started to bother me. the more it bothered me, the more i… grew angry.” he said sheepishly as he saw the way your eyes somehow brightened up upon finally registering the words in your head and realising something.
“and i'm guessing you took the anger out on me?” you asked, to which san hung his head low with a small guilty nod of his head.
you couldn't help but sigh. true, there was a lot to process on. with how he had treated you before, surely, you would have yelled at him right in the face for doing so. you could even dump your milkshake on top of his head to get a taste of his own medicine from how he embarrassed you from his pranks.
but… but you just can't.
“as much as i wanna punch you for making my whole years of college a living hell,” you spoke, san flinching his shoulders as he caught his lower lip in between his teeth, preparing himself for whatever has to come.
“i acknowledge your intentions.” you added.
“however, that doesn't mean i condone your actions, choi san.”
san nodded his head quickly at your words. he won't lie, he had never thought that the short period of time working on the project with you was enough to reevaluate his actions towards you. he had remembered the time where one of his friends on his team, mingi, explained that it was no use trying to take his frustrations out on you by picking up the pettiest arguments instead of talking things through. yet, he was stubborn.
if he was being honest, san was grateful that the lecturer had assigned both of you as partners for the project. had he not, god knows how long san would have taken to actually speak about this with you.
the squeeze on his hand managed to gain his attention, his piercing gaze softening up at the sight of your warm smile.
“i want you to promise me something, san.” you spoke once again, him tilting his head to urge you to say whatever it is.
“i want you to promise me that we won't fight anymore. it will take time for me to completely forgive you yet that doesn't mean i will pass an opportunity to start over.” you said, face all serious yet your eyes held the same gentleness to them.
san could only stay silent. not because he was contemplating your words but rather, surprised that you wanted to actually start over with him. the warmth in his chest only now expanding and surging throughout his whole body, while the palpitations of his heart increased. he's relieved. he's happy. and.. he wants to start over again. with his cheshire cat smile, san nodded his head.
“i promise.”
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
“and aurora team has won the game!” the speaker announced in the remaining few seconds of the match.
that alone was enough to make the whole crowd go wild. some screaming, some waving their hands frantically in the air. the other side, some held disappointed looks while most consoled the losing football team. In the field, players shook their hands while praising each team for playing well.
placing his hands on his hips, san tried to catch his breath from the intense match earlier before taking off his helmet and shook his head, his raven strands were a tad damp from the sweat. his eyes were looking around for you, though he swore he had seen your face right in the front row as they were preparing for the game earlier on but you weren’t there? maybe it was his imagination
feeling a slight weight on his shoulder, san looked at the owner. wooyoung, who was the one patting his shoulder, sent him his usual bright grin, promptly patting san’s ass. the latter wasn’t feeling uncomfortable from it, knowing how it was his best friend’s way of being affectionate.
“good game out there, san.” he laughed, slinging his arm around san’s shoulder as they walked.
“yeah, you too, wooyoung! your defenses have improved.” san praised the other boy who let out a light chortle.
“gotta be on a par with my best friend, ya know?” wooyoung joked, letting san’s shoulders go so that the both of them could freshen up.
it was when san finally got out of the locker room that he saw a figure he didn’t expect to see. pushing yourself off of the wall you were leaning against, you approached san, his eyes focusing on some kind of a small box with a neatly tied bow stuck on the lid. though you had a little scowl on your face, your eyes looked to the side to hide the growing crimson blooming over the apples of your cheeks.
“you played well today so here. consider it as a treat for you.” you mumbled, effectively making san’s eyes to widen ever so slightly, yet he decided to tease you a little more.
“you never fail to surprise me with your unpredictable self, cupcake.” he chuckled, taking the both into his hands. it was rather light weighted, he was almost convinced that it didn’t have anything in it but with the slight rattle from the inside, there was something inside.
“can i open this?” he asked, you nodding your head.
your eyes watched him slowly untying the little bow you had made yourself before he slowly opened the lid, anxiously waiting to see his reaction upon seeing the little gift you had given him. a gasp resonated around the both of you as san’s eyes widened at the sight.
reaching into the box, he lifted up the little bracelet decorated with black and purple beads, seemingly handmade. he couldn’t help but to notice the little cupcake charm dangling off the bracelet along with his initials.
“i thought that cupcake would remind you of me just how a mountain reminded me of you.” you said.
only now did san realise the bracelet around your wrist, only the beads were in your favourite colours with your initials on them instead. He also didn’t fail to notice the little mountain charm dangling on it as well.
“i’m sorry if it’s not much but i really hope you i-”
your words were suddenly caught in your throat as you were engulfed into a tight hug. the familiar scent of san’s cologne wafted into your nose and filled your senses, slowly making you intoxicated and wanting more. slowly, your arms encircled themselves around san’s torso, feeling him hold you closer against him and felt a slight pressure brushing against your ear.
“thank you, cupcake. i love it, a lot.” he whispered.
those words were enough to make your lips stretch out into a wide grin as you buried your face against his shoulder, thankful that he couldn’t see the pinkness blooming over your cheeks.
“should we celebrate your victory at the cafe, san?” you mumbled, almost muffled with how your face was pressed against his shoulder.
laughing lightly, he pulled away ever so slightly, just enough to have a look of your face and nodded his head. before the two of you started to walk, san held out the box and asked if you could put the bracelet on him, claiming it was much more special to have the maker putting it on instead of him. of course, you couldn’t resist. especially not when he looked at you with those puppy eyes of his.
once it was on, you watched as the male happily shook his hand gently and watched with an awed expression at the way the little charm moved. content, he sent his bright grin and held out his arm for you to take, which you happily took as the both of you started to make your way to the cafe
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
“hey san, your girl’s here!” wooyoung’s loud voice as soon as he saw you making your way to the sidelines of the field made san stop his stretches, all sweaty from the amount of times he practiced for the day.
“wow, she brought food too?!” mingi’s deep voice boomed, getting up from the grass and jog up towards you, san trailing behind.
“hey guys! I brought food since i know you guys must’ve been starving from practice.” you laughed as soon as yeosang made his way near wooyoung, no doubt wondering if you had brought any chicken with you.
soon, the rest of the team had sat down in a small circle eating the food that you had brought for them. some of them were still discussing their strategies and forms when on the field in order to improve their mistakes, while some are just relaxing and talking about random topics. it was when you felt two arms wrapping themselves around your waist made you look up, seeing the bright smile of your boyfriend, san.
true to his words, san kept his promise in starting over with you. the next few days after the incident in the cafe were a bit awkward, san constantly apologizing if he had said the wrong thing to you, though you had to reassure him every time that it was alright. you knew that it took some time getting used to so you were incredibly patient with him. your classmates, especially yunho, were glad the two of you had finally made up from the grudge against one another. it took you a while, but san managed to warm up to you, even interacting with yunho as well.
the rest of the time was spent hanging out at the cafe after classes, making it your and san’s favourite place to go to. the days of hanging out turned to weeks, and to months. it was the sixth month that things took a whole new turn, a good turn.
“what’s all this, san?” you had asked, noting all the decorations had adorned the small cafe,
from what you remember, the cafe didn’t really hold any special occasions, as the elderly lady had said. san merely led you further inside the cafe, his hand on your lower back as he gently led you to the back, effectively making your eyes widened in awe from the sight.
there, polaroids of either you or san or even both you in them decorated the walls and hung on the little strings. balloons were floating in the air as in the middle of it all was a small table with a tray of your favourite flavoured cupcakes. turning around to face san, you were about to ask what the occasion was. Yet your words suddenly disappeared.
san, stood in front of you with a single red rose in hand, his lips holding a fond smile with eyes looking down at you in an adored manner.
“y/n l/n, my cupcake..” he started, you softly giggling from the nickname. of course, he just had to throw that name in.
“i know that i have been a total ass to you during the first time. but i wanted to thank you for giving me a second chance to start over, and fix all of the problems we had.” your expression softens before you feel san grazing your cheekbone with his knuckles, making your stomach flutter at his gaze.
“you were always patient with me, still are. you weren’t afraid to call me out on the shit i did. you’re always there to cheer for me in every match i have, even if you still don’t know how football works.” the raven haired boy couldn’t help but to laugh at the playful glare you sent towards his way before continuing what he really wanted to say.
“but along the way of our friendship... “ his voice trailed off, suddenly feeling his nerves racking up his mind.
as if sensing him tense up, you grabbed san’s hand. just as you did the first time to console him. the gentle reassuring look in your eyes managed to soothed san’s feelings, the nervousness slowly dissipating.
“all i’m trying to say is, i wanna try us, cupcake.” he finally managed to say, nervous eyes looking into your own soft ones.
his words were enough to make the smile on your lips stretch into a huge jovial beam. without a word, your arms wrapped around his neck, much to san’s shock. quickly gathering himself, san instantly engulfed you into his own embrace and buried his nose into your hair, lips brushing against your crown.
he didn’t need an answer, but he already knew what it was.
“what’s in that pretty mind of yours, cupcake?” san whispered into your ear, sending chills down your spine as he did so.
turning around in his arms, your own arms wounded around his waist, reaching a hand up to move some of the stray strands of raven locks covering his eyes. “hm, about us?”
the response was enough to make san raise an inquisitive brow, “oh?”
“it’s a surprise that at first we were at each other’s throats and suddenly, look at us.” san merely chuckled and leaned down just enough so he could bump the tip of his nose against your own.
“hey, lovebirds! hurry up or we’ll finish your food too!” wooyoung yelled, making the both of you look at him, realising how the whole team was looking at your way.
“you better not!”
and with that, the both of you walked towards the group hand in hand, the little cupcake and mountain charms dangling on the bracelets around your wrists.
#ateez#ateez writing#ateez fanfic#ateez au#ateez scenarios#ateez imagines#ateez fluff#ateez x reader#ateez san#choi san#san scenarios#my writings#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#colly's writings
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Grounded: Level 1
Level 0 | Level 2
Member: Minho (Lee Know)
Genre: idol minho x idol trainee reader, angst cause is it a dana fic if there is no angst
Taglist: @jaehyvnsvalentine @licorice526
[O C T O B E R 2 0 1 7]
Now the pain was exquisitely bitter. His shoulders are slumped and he's got those eyebags he has whenever he sleeps one hour every night for a week straight.
And yet, he still manages to spit out that stupid smile when he spots you idling at the entrance of his residence.
"Has BigHit gotten back to you about your second round of audition?"
The sourness in your face overwhelms your nose and eyes, instinct immediately pushing you to run in his direction. Minho quickly slings his duffel bag over his shoulder and behind him, letting you sink your head into his chest as you quietly sob.
"Why are you crying? Even I'm not," Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, you can feel his fingers tapping on your hair.
"That's cause you have a problem with letting your feelings out, you dumb cunt," Your mucus is threatening to slide out and stain his jacket, so you quickly move away and haphazardly wipe it off with the back of your hand. Minho's eyes are tired, and it feels like someone's stabbed your heart with a fork and tried to tear it open.
"Come on, my parents know you're here right? Let's go up and get some food."
Through the small laughters and interesting stories Minho had to share, you can tell by the way his parents look at him eat that they missed him; that they were already proud of him for trying because there was absolutely no way they could've created this specimen of a human by their two hands. Minho had completely personified his entire being into someone that he owns, but right now, he's manifesting that fake, seemingly-emotionless act right before his family and you.
Minho struts into his bedroom, you trailing slowly behind as he trudges his feet. Quietly shutting the door behind you, an interal debate sparks off in your chest. To force Minho to talk or--
The pinch in your heart is particularly challenging to tolerate when you see Minho scoop Doongie up into his arms, sinking to the floor next to his bed when he lets his tears fall. The muscles in your face distort into something torturing to look at in the mirror right next to his bed, the reflection triggering you into more of an emotional mess than he was in.
Doongie meows, nuzzling her snout into Minho’s hands. The fact that the cat, that usually wouldn’t give two fucks about her owner, was bothering to provide him some attention was threatening to shatter your spirit into a million pieces. You can hear him gulp down the desire to fall apart when he wipes his tears away, and you choose to remain silent, simply resting your head on his shoulder with your arm interlocked with his.
Gently closing your eyes, his crying gets physically more aggressive when his shoulders start to shake. He remained silent, and yet all you could hear was him cracking open.
Was it worth picking yourself apart for a dream that is difficult to attain? Why do we subject ourselves to this life - this life of mirrors and camera flashes and headlines that might not speak the truth? You are halfway there, maybe permanently stuck here, and while most people would want that freedom, you choose to subject yourself to those restraints?
Why?
Why are you so persistent in your dreams and what you love that you put yourself through this intricate torture that does nothing but pulls you apart... and then you’d have to shove your pieces back all together again?
Lee Minho, is it really worth it... breaking my heart so I can watch you travel miles away from me? Is it really worth it... to spend hours and months and years away from me, where I can protect you and tell you it’s okay to cry? Is it really worth it... to sacrifice your own desires for just one thing you want?
Is this really what you want?
Is it so hard to realise... that I need you by my side and not on a stage that I’m not on?
His harsh sniffles jolt you out of your inward misery, cuing you to quickly blink back the tears that were alarmingly close to dribbling over your lower lids.
“I messed up the lyrics.”
Minho chokes himself into a chuckle, and his laughter alone is enough to make to smile to yourself.
“You messed up the lyrics?” Raising your brows out of his sight, you can feel him moving to wipe his face.
“Yeah.”
“I’m sure Chan would’ve killed you on the spot if he could.”
Minho laughs through an exhale. “He would’ve.”
“So,” A gentle shuffle as Doongie finally shifts her attention away from her owner and to his duffle bag. “What now?”
The boy hums in soft contemplation. “I’m heading back to JYP tomorrow to practise more until he tells me what to do.”
A small pout finds your lips. Is this your impending future too?
“You haven’t told me what happened at your BigHit audition.”
Sitting up, you purse your lips before turning to look at Minho. His eyes are a mixture of red from the crying and dark from the lack of sleep.
“Should I even bother having this conversation with you since you literally just got back--”
“Yes?!” There is some degree of change in Minho; he doesn’t want you to feel burdened by the need to pity him for being eliminated off the show. “I was a backup dancer for BigHit since I was like, 17. You waltz in at 15, get into the backup crew unit at 16 and get casted?” Minho scoffs, unsatisfied.
“And I can’t even get into JYP.”
You fail to stop the slap that you were landing on his arm.
“See what I mean? I’m not having this conversation with you if you’re going to compare.”
He smiles.
“Alright, alright. So, seriously though,” He tilts his head forwards so he can meet your eyes. “How did it go? What did they say? Are they calling you back for a second round?”
Taking in a deep breath, your chest puffs out as you lean your head backwards.
“I just danced for the first audition, and they told me to try and sing something from BTS, so I danced to Not Today while singing it--”
“What? Not Today? While singing it?”
“It was not a great idea, I’ll tell you that. It was breathy and my volume was inconsistent.”
“Given the amount of Hellish footwork that song has, that’s not a surprise.”
“Right,” You comb your fingers through your hair. “Anyway, they didn’t give me a score or anything. They just thanked me and told me to wait for a call for the results.”
“So... now you’re just waiting?”
You turn to him. “Is there anything else I could do?”
He returns to his original position, back pressed flat against the side of his bedframe and folds his arms. “Well, if they didn’t eliminate you on the spot then I think you have a good chance of being called back for a second round. Companies usually don’t like wasting their time on someone that they don’t find potential in.”
You shrug lifelessly. “I don’t know. I don’t really care... yet, I guess. It’s not a priority. I’m just going because the BigHit assistant manager said I have potential so... I’m just trying to figure out where my potential actually stops.”
“Potential doesn’t stop growing though,” Minho lifts both arms and places both hands behind his neck, elbow touching each other in front of his throat. “Instead of thinking that way, I think you need to start considering if you really want this idol life. Once you’re in it, there’s almost zero chance of you coming back to becoming an ordinary citizen. And besides, word has it that BigHit has plans for a new boy group, right? That makes you, a girl, a new trainee, susceptible to their plans.”
You turn to him in slight surprise and suspicion. “How do you know these kind of things? You sure you don’t train at BigHit?”
Minho laughs wholeheartedly. “Word travels fast in this industry. The idols, managers and CEOs know everything before a single member of the public does.”
Your eyes revert back to his flooring. “I’ll deal with it when the call comes, I guess. I’m like 99% sure they aren’t gonna call me and tell me I got in anyway.”
Minho hums. “We could bet on it.”
His eyes are filled with anticipation – not for himself but for you, and it makes you want to hurl on him because he deserves it so much more than you do.
“Screw off,” Offering a gentle chuckle, you push yourself to your feet. “I’m gonna go home. Call me when you head back to JYP.”
“What for?”
“So I can watch you walk into your death trap of fangirls and paparazzi flashlights.”
“Get your wallet ready, I’m betting fifty.”
“You can ask BigHit for that fifty if I get in.”
Your heart is racing so hard against your chest when you meet those familiar faces again. Those that sit behind that five-meter table with their names printed on silver placards before their hands. The numbers of the digital clock behind them stared down on you like a devil’s eyes emerging from the darkness.
Among the five judges or audience - or whatever you called them - though, sat Bang Shi Hyuk himself. Gold, round glasses perched on the edge of his nose bridge as it threatened to slip off. One of the panelists was the assistant manager of BTS’ that had handed you the audition card. Another was a choreographer you recognised only because you’ve come to BigHit several times before: he was BigHit’s resident choreographer. The other two were rap and vocal trainers.
It feels like they were discussing about a price tag to paste on your forehead, then place you on a throne and yell “How much for this one?!”
“y/n?”
The assistant manager’s voice smacks you out of your mid-air sandcastle. Bang Shi Hyuk was leaning over to the choreographer, reading his notes while looking back at his.
“How are you feeling?”
Bang Shi Hyuk pulls back to his own seat, eyes scanning you above the gold rims of his glasses. The other three panelists have sold their attention to you, the vocal trainer looking like she was struggling to maintain that kindred smile she had on her face, otherwise you might’ve just dropped dead from the anxiety.
“Um, nervous is an understatement.”
The little smile that curves Bang Shi Hyuk’s lips is miniscule. The atmosphere somehow physically diffuses.
“Well, you did dance and sing to Not Today in your last audition,” The choreographer speaks up, arranging his notes in a corner and taking a sip of water. Is this it? Have they come to the conclusion that I’m not worth training?
“I-- Well, it’s the only song I know the exact steps and lyrics to.”
“Have more confidence in yourself and you don’t need to worry too much about steps.”
The assistant manager looks over the choreographer sitting next to him and eyes the CEO of the biggest boyband in K-Pop.
The mirror behind them was only displaying the tiredness that was seeping from your limbs. You’ve never heard of an audition where they allowed the auditionee to look themselves in the mirror, but of course, there was a camera sat right behind Bang Shi Hyuk’s head.
Your palms are sweating, and your knees probably slightly bruised after you performed a bit from GOT7′s Hard Carry, only because Minho had made you learn it with him in your free time.
The goodbye between you and Minho wasn’t teary or saddening, but it sure as Hell felt like shit when Minho was walking off into such an uncertain future - only for you to receive that phone call for the second audition just minutes after he leaves.
“What made you do Hard Carry? It’s not an easy song.”
“I... I know the exact choreography but not the lyrics.”
“Would you rather a song that you know the steps to or the lyrics?” The vocal trainer leans over her notes.
“Um,” I’m a dancer. Of course the steps. “The steps. I’m not over the top with singing... or rapping, for that matter.”
Bang Shi Hyuk finally stops the questioning when he pulls off his glasses and leans back in his seat.
“We are in the midst of training a group of male trainees for a boy-group debut in 2019, and our previous group is BTS who debuted back in 2013. It’s a big gap. This means that there might be a chance that we’ll only be debuting a girl group - if it even is a girl group - in...” He shrugs his shoulders. “2025? Maybe later?”
“2025?” You blurt out at the mention of the year.
“If you’re not up for this plausible plan then--”
“Uh,” The assistant manager actually interrupts Bang Shi Hyuk. You’d expect the CEO to be pissed or at least, unhappy, but all he does is blink at the assistant manager and leans forward.
The assistant manager whispers something to the CEO, leaving you burning with questions. You couldn’t decide if you were more nervous if they turned you away, or if they still remained you the question of waiting for eight long years.
The low-volume conversation finally fades to a stop when Bang Shi Hyuk pulls away, the assistant manager looking more anxious than before he said anything.
“I wasn’t much present at all the performances you did back-up for BTS, but Mr Son has informed me that you were pulled out from some 700 auditions and even out of the 20 girls that made it to the dance crew, he only asked you to come for the audition.”
Wait, 700?
“This is the same man who scouted half of BTS, so I trust him when he says you’re someone worth training. But I must know this, are you willing to pull through with this? You’ll have a whole file of contract to read, years of training and even after debuting, you must be aware that there are things you cannot do.”
Of course. Because my best friend is walking straight into this same situation. I’m losing him to this file of contract, will I choose to further the distance by taking one for myself too?
Before you can respond, the assistant manager looks at you with soft eyes. “You don’t have to respond now, but we do need to know if first - you’re interested to become a trainee. You’ll be on probationary training for about two to three years, see how you get along with the other female trainees and only when we have decided to debut a girl group with a confirmed number of members then we will have you sign the group contract.”
“Hold on,” Your tongue is dry. “Does that mean I--”
“You passed the audition. Say ‘yes’ now, and you’ll be a BigHit trainee.”
The force of the revelation feels like someone’s dropped a brick on your head with a post-it on it saying “CONGRATULATIONS!”
“Do I have time to think about this?”
Bang Shi Hyuk already doesn’t look that interested. But the assistant manager nods and offers you a pursed grin.
“We’ll wait for your answer, so take your time and weigh your options. We don’t want our trainees walking into something they don’t know everything about.”
A deep breath fills your lungs. The words were spoken to you, but why is it that you see Minho’s face in the mirror, because he is what you’re worried about?
#minho#lee minho#skz minho#skz lee know#lee know#stray kids#stray kids lee know#stray kids minho#skz lee know scenarios#lee know scenarios#minho scenarios#lee know fanfic
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In the first cold hours of a new December morning, Taylor Swift once again revealed herself to be the primary antagonist in my hero’s journey. Weary and woebegone as I am, I will not waste strength on any attempt to deny that this latest attack has knocked me off balance, but I believe it is important that I—we, really, the lot of us who have been bloodied pitiably beneath this most brutal show of force—rebound immediately into a defensive posture so that there might be any hope at all for survival. Taylor’s second pandemic album will be released at midnight tonight, so I guess Shakespeare and his little “play” about elder abuse can get fucked after all. The album is called evermore. It was hubris, I can see in retrospect, which led me to tempt my enemy by writing all these words about her on this, the week of her birthday, knowing as I do that Taylor is one of those especially dangerous adults who make a big deal about both birthdays and lucky numbers. Icarus is my name now, covered in melted wax and tumbling to the sea. So as to steel ourselves for these horrors yet to come, I offer now, with not arrogance but the faith of the foolhardy, my best conjecture as to the content of each detestable track.
willow - Could be about a tree. Could be about a girl. More likely it is both somehow, which is extremely pervy, and not just because that’s part of the plot of the unspeakably cursed The Raven Cycle novels, which I, a full blown adult with, generally speaking, normal brain function, voluntarily read for the first time this summer because some of us, ma’am, used the pandemic for activities that hurt only ourselves, not others. Well, happy holidays, tree fuckers.
champagne problems - Whatever this is, know that I will be considering it a work after Fall Out Boy’s “Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends” and I’ll be right to do so and many people will say as much admiringly and they’ll smile at me with pride and doff their caps as I go.
gold rush - If this song is anything but a loving, comprehensive summation of the children’s novel DEAR AMERICA Seeds of Hope: The Gold Rush Diary of Susanna Fairchild then I’m going to walk directly out of my home and, deadly virus be damned, keep walking until I’ve entered Taylor Swift’s instead, at which point I will begin to scream out a litany of complaints at the very top of my voice, ceasing only when her security team kills me or we fall in love.
tis the damn season - Worst case scenario this is a sad Christmas song (the best kind of Christmas song) and it devastates me in the most degrading way possible. Best case scenario it’s really bad and dumb and I can live without pain.
tolerate it - Many possibilities here. Could be about white-knuckling it through a period of depression, or a breakup. Most obviously, it could be about COVID-19 lockdowns keeping us trapped in our homes, disconnected from loved ones, going slow-brained and strange, bowls piling up, and suddenly so desperate for human interaction that even memories of having drinks with somebody from Hinge who quoted Friends twice in an hour are tantalizing in comparison to the touch-starved dreamstate of staying indoors... But I kinda feel like this is Taylor replying “COPE” from on high to my tweets about how I would rather be boiled alive than have to face the existence of this record.
no body, no crime (feat. Haim) - What would be very good is if this is a homosexual romp about Taylor Swift and the one hot Haim guitar girl with the really gay energy doing a murder together a la “Somethin’ Bad” by Miranda Lambert with Carrie Underwood, but honestly, it is probably another song about Gone Girl.
happiness - Impossible to speak on this since, thanks to Taylor Swift, happiness is something with which I have no familiarity.
dorothea - Have seen chirping on the odious bird application about how perhaps this song title suggests that Taylor has written a song about Middlemarch, titling it for Dorothea Brooke, but I reject this because it implies that Taylor has read Middlemarch, which is a premise I cannot accept. Whether this refusal is out of self-preservation, being unwilling and in fact unable to face a world where Taylor Swift read and was moved to creation by the novel which was my most essential friend the summer I got dumped by a guy who I still had to work feet away from in a candle factory for another month, and about which Emily Dickinson (Emily Dickinson whose birthday it happens to be today, which isn’t to say that this means anything about anything. I am simply trying to batten down all hatches literally and spiritually in light of having been had once again by this numerology obsessed demon) once wrote "What do I think of Middlemarch? What do I think of glory.” or because I just at my core do not believe that Taylor has read a single book since Gone Girl I couldn’t possibly say.
coney island (feat. The National) : Some ungodly americana ass bullshit that is going to ruin my life. The thought of holy terror shaped like a horse girl Taylor Swift and trickster nymph in the body of a tax accountant Matt Berninger, two individuals I have allowed, separately, to cause me grievous psychic harm, having even the barest amount of one to one contact, even digitally, has made me want to peel all my skin off and put it back on flipped inside out so that I might, when I look in the mirror, see a version of myself which approximates how I feel.
ivy - Another song for the plant lesbians. That’s fine, and I’m happy for that community, but what I want to know, looking at this growing pile of songs named after women, is where, Taylor, is the song about loudmouth queen Inez, legendary gossip and, for my money, the star of folklore?
cowboy like me - Putting it as mildly as humanly possible, to slit my throat would be less cruel. I am drawing a straight line from me writing illegible sequels to perfect film An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (itself a sequel) in crayon as a toddler, to Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” on the radio in my mom’s two door Honda, to me everyday after school in third grade changing into the cowboy costume my godmother bought, to me at fourteen internalizing a sense of righteous indignation that would take years to even begin to outgrow when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, to the winter I dropped half my classes out of fear and sickness and read paperback westerns on the twenty third floor of the college library for tens of hours at a go, to the profoundly gay episode of Supernatural called “Tombstone” which is, yes, named for the profoundly gay cowboy film Tombstone, to the inspired and revitalizing pause in “Space Cowboy” by Kacey Musgraves where she’s like, “You can have your space........ cowboy”, to Mitski’s Be the Cowboy, to the perfect boygenius cover of certified classic “Cowboy Take Me Away”, to whatever the hell this is going to be.That line is not to make a point at all. It’s just that there is a line and beside it there is me, incapacitated.
long story short - Just like all the other times anyone has ever invoked this phrase in the entire history of human beings expressing themselves with language, it is going to be a huge lie, because this woman never shuts up.
marjorie - After all that Taylor has put me through over the years, she should have at least named one of these wretched things “ellen” after my dead Sagittarian grandmother, whose birthday is tomorrow, December 11th, which is again, the release date of Taylor Swift’s second album in sixth months, but it’s probably for the best that she didn’t because you simpletons would immediately think it was an homage to George Bush’s friend Dory the fish, and therefore gay, regardless of the actual text of the song, and it’d be the “betty” massacre all over again. That being said, this is almost assuredly another horny song about some mid-century white lady. Only days ago Taylor was telling Entertainment Weekly that she’s been watching a lot of movies in quarantine, and while she didn’t name 1958’s Marjorie Morningstar starring Natalie Wood, I wouldn’t put it past her.
closure - God, I hope this one is another Kaylor classic so we can all act like complete raving lunatics online from the confines of our own plague quarters for a few days. It’s been a hard year.
evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - I’ll be catatonic by this point. Who cares?
right where you left me - Yes, in hell.
it’s time to go - Yes, TO HELL.
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