#like i graduated college with all the necessary classes and the right gpa to get into med school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deniigi · 3 years

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Hi Dr. Matt, I too am a college youth coming to you for advice, well actually more like concept. What does GPA actually mean, in terms of my ability to get jobs/go to grad school/etc. I grew up in a very "4.0" or bust household and while I've broken free (god that first B was freeing) I have less than 0 ability to actually add context to these numbers. Help?

Hi, anon!

So let’s start from the top and be real broad for you and other folks who might be in different circumstances:

GPA = Grade Point Average. Each institution may calculate this differently. I occasionally have to do them by hand, but why the fuck would you do that is the better question here.

GPA is usually a number between 0.00 and 4.00. Students who fall below a certain GPA at college/univ level (for many institutions in the USA, 2.0 is that number, which is a C average) go on something called Academic Probation

The reason Academic Probation is a problem is because if you are on Academic Probation for multiple semesters, you may be ‘Disqualified,’ I.e. Kicked out of your college/univ.

So in this sense, GPA functions as a way of demonstrating to the University and the people giving you Financial Aid that you are making satisfactory progress on your degree, and you are ‘worthy’ of continuing to receive subsidized education.

While that’s a shitty way of conceiving of humans and education, that’s the system we live in, and that’s essentially why it’s really important for people to be aware of their GPA.

It’s not that that number defines you or your intrinsic worth as a human, rather its that that number gives you access to other things.

Now, on that note, let’s talk about GPA in terms of social value, economic value, and social and academic mobility. It’s going to be a long conversation, so I’m putting it under the cut.

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Depending on your field of career and study, average GPAs are going to vary.

Engineers, for example, go through such difficult classes that they have notoriously low GPAs. Like anything from a 2.0 to a 3.0 is solid and anything higher than like a 3.3 is considered by many in Engineering fields to be really good.

Many STEM fields are like this. Chemistry, Kinesiology, Physics, Math, Engineering, Biology, Bio-Chem, etc.

In many Social Science and Humanities fields, GPAs are less important than research and analytical abilities, writing strength, communication abilities, teamwork stuff -- transferable, “soft” skills essentially.

That being said, when you are trying to move up, academically or economically, GPA may become a factor that you start to think about--especially when you are applying to a type of specialized or graduate school (certification programs, nursing programs, teaching certificate, Masters degrees, PhDs, etc).

Many programs have GPA limits on their programs in order to thin out their application pools. Nursing programs may have a 3.0 minimum. Masters programs may ask you to have only gotten X number of Bs or Cs.

I want to emphasize here, however: GPA minimums depend on the program itself.

Prestige is one of the main driving factors behind demanding a certain GPA. Places with prestigious programs and jobs have the notoriety that brings them loads of applicants, which in turn gives them the ability to raise standards.

The top 10 schools in the US are going to be able to demand a 3.5 GPA or higher for admission.

The top firms in a city can say that you need X amount of experience in X area to be hired onto their team.

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When it comes to applying to graduate school stuff (law school, Masters programs, PhD programs), I would focus less on whether or not you have a freakishly high GPA and more on your extracurriculars, your publications, research opportunities, writing abilities, analytical skills, and the hard skills necessary for your chosen field (I.e. Knowing MatLab or Python or GIS).

The reason for that is that you don’t really choose a graduate school so much as you choose a supervisor at a graduate school.

So if you can connect with a potential supervisor and are able to demonstrate to them that you A) are an asset to their program and B) have the skills necessary to do the work, then they are often the ones who decide whether or not you get admitted.

Supervisors can often smooth over lumps and bumps when it comes to admission of graduate students because THEY will be the ones overseeing your work before the Univ/program is.

Example: When I applied to one of my schools, the potential supervisor I was working with coached me in how to structure my research statement. They also advocated for me in admissions, and I did, in fact, get into that school (even if I chose not to go). For my other choice, I worked with a different supervisor who helped me get funding to help me secure admission as well.

So in this way, it is far more important for you to impress a supervisor than to have the best GPA of all applicants.

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Now for the rest of y’all who aren’t thinking about grad school or a certification program, you may be asking, “Will my GPA affect my ability to get a job in the future?”

And first off, I want to sort of break down the notion that your degree = your career. Only something like 30% of people end up working in the field they get their degree in, so that tells you already that GPA and choice of Major kind of doesn’t matter in terms of being able to make money.

But more to the point:

Generally speaking, most (like, 95% or something) jobs do NOT require you to list your GPA on your resume or any other application materials.

Some positions may ask you to demonstrate proficiency in a given area or hard skill. Some positions may ask you to provide proof that you completed your degree. But usually, this proof is given to a company AFTER you have applied and accepted an offer for the position.

Example: after I accepted my job, I was asked to submit proof of my Masters degree, because my offer was contingent on me having the credentials I said that I did.

Now, if you are fresh out of school and don’t have much experience, but you’ve got a bangin’ GPA, that may be something that you consider listing on your resume to demonstrate to employers that you are a smart cookie, simply lacking experience.

If you are a new graduate in a STEM field specifically, and you have a bangin’ GPA and are looking for work in STEM, then you may also list that on your resume.

But I want to emphasize that you don’t have to. It is your choice. And in this scenario, you would only do that if you were applying to a highly specific position where that mattered and if you felt that it would help you.

If you’re applying to anything that is not an internship or a STEM entry job (like a new engineer, a new lab assistant, etc) there is no reason for you to put your GPA on your resume. That should not affect your chances for a position.

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That’s probably plenty of food for thought for now. But anon, you can breathe. I got your other message and you are doing fantastically. Try to understand that the number isn’t as important as your competence and understanding in the material you are learning.

For right now, focus on building the skills. When it comes down to it, people would rather have a doctor who understands what to do to save their life than a doc who got a 4.0 in undergrad.

#ask #life advice #academic advice #GPA #y'all can do this know that GPA is a small part of your overall credentials

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delcat177 · 3 years

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Before New Pokemon Snap

While this game I have waited for for 22 years loads up, before I spend the night playing, I wanna tell tale of my time with the first one.

(The player’s guide is so nostalgic!)

Yon Longe Poste

I was interested in nature photography as a kid. And by interested, I mean kinda really obsessed. My father had been a journalist and had his own interest in nature photography, so after developing some skill on a little plastic snap camera, he did one of the few bond-y things we did when I was a kid and taught me how to use his old 33mm. It was a wonderful thing with a telephoto lens that I’d carry in a case around my neck, snap the lenses back and forth as needed on my daily field ramble.

Mom had commented on my patience with the snap deal, I would sit by the hummingbird feeder motionless for as long as it took to get shots, and a real field camera took it from the backyard to the woods. I could usually get birds and could always get some Pure Michigan nature, but I was constantly angling for animals--with 24 to 36 shots, depending on how I pooled my allowance, I spent a lot of time hunting for frogs, snakes, turtles, settling for butterflies and my dog. The one time the latter met a big touchy porcupine, I didn’t have my camera and was preoccupied with my poor be’needled boy, and when I went back, it was gone.

So, remembering a family story about how Mom had once found a porcupine chewing on the door because it was trying to get salt out of the wood, I requisitioned a piece of plywood my father promised was extra salty, took the shaker for good measure, and put it back where the needling had happened.

I haunted that spot all summer, but life isn’t as interesting as it can be, and porcupines are nocturnal. It wasn’t safe to be in the woods after dark, we had coyotes, so I took my solace in finding one day that it had, at least, been happily gnawed.

When I saw the first Nintendo Power previews of Pokemon Snap, I went “ah, yes, a blessing from the gods” and started work on a local Christmas cookie empire (different story entirely) to be ready for the release date. June was four months from my birthday and six from Christmas. I needed to be on LOCK.

And when I finally gave over my $63.59 (state tax was six cents) for this limited, low-poly, rail-ride of a game...

...I absolutely adored it like few things I have ever adored. The only thing missing was Oddish, and I was okay with that, kinda, I guess, if they had to.

I played nonstop. If I got bored with the ambience, which was rarely, I put on one of my sister’s CDs--RENT, usually.

Yes, I was listening to RENT at 12.

Until Mom heard La Vie Boheme.

At any rate, I got every last cent’s worth out of it. I filled my Pokedex. My last Pokemon, pulled from a sneak peak at a player’s guide in Wal-Mart, was Muk. I still have creepypasta/Pokegod theories about how Mewtwo was supposed to be in the game (why 63 Pokemon, not 64??). The Album, where you could save your pictures, let you write a few words on your faves, and I did my best to take funny snaps and caption them. The pun “Karp-E Diem” was used.

My skill increased. I learned how to stop the ride indefinitely at the Charmander section and played with them, throwing them apples and seeing how many consecutive heads I could bonk (I think my record was 7?). Then, with a tip in the NP letters session, I found out you could glitch the game by constantly changing direction in the kart, lagging it from moving, so that events timed to the movement went off early. This is the best way to get the most AMAZING shots of Pikachu riding Articuno without hacking, still.

It must have gone on for a year, at least, before I beat the game.

REALLY beat it.

Pokemon Snap is a limited game. Each Pokemon can have a maximum score assigned to it, a cap where it’s simply absolutely perfect in shot.

And for Mew, the highest-scoring Pokemon in the game and the only Pokemon on the last level, I was consistently getting 9900.

But that wasn’t quite right.

The thing is, Professor Oak reviews your shots and tells you exactly why you did or did not get each bonus. To get all bonuses on Mew, she needs to be in the right pose, (a sequence of item throws, easy), exactly in the center (again, easy) and exactly the right size.

The last part is worth 100 points exactly.

If I could have submitted every photo I had of Mew, I would have cleared it out easily and mindlessly. I would have gotten 10000 points, the only five-digit score in the game, somewhere in the 60 snaps I was allotted for the level. She was right in front of me, all I had to do was click-click-click.

But that’s not how the game worked, and this is where it shines. It’s also where I am very curious to see if it’s going to be the same.

Like I said, Pokemon Snap was a limited game. It’s notoriously difficult to emulate, because it uses some advanced jury-rigging of the N64′s capabilities to call and recognize a photo of a Pokemon. To streamline that, and presumably to allow for this precise experience, the player can only select one photo they took of a Pokemon to be reviewed per play.

I wasn’t just trying to catch the perfect shot.

I was trying to find it out of all the shots I took.

Over and over again, I went through the stage, snapped pictures, pored over my album, selected the single entry what I was sure was just right, went to judging. Over and over again, I heard Professor Oak go “whAt a PItY”, in sound byte form. The CDs became necessary to halt murder.

It took weeks. But one day, from sheer little-kid determination, I got my snap. I JITTERED hearing the “Just right!” byte, held my breath--

10,000 points.

The perfect score.

(This isn’t mine, of course, and also is a 9900--that foot is the real problem, so I’m glad to see I’m not alone)

It automatically saved to my best-score slot. I wish I had taken picture-pictures. I felt pride on a deep, genuine level that like my hummingbirds, I had at last gotten just the right moment, had just the right eye.

I’ve honestly been thinking a lot about my father lately. We didn’t have a great relationship when I was in the house with him, but...being a teenage “daughter” and being an adult son are two different things.

And it didn’t stop at Pokemon Snap. After being kicked out of an evangelical school, I started attending classes for high-schoolers at the community college, and Photography was my first. I ended up taking the class four times and passing it twice--I wasn’t bad at the subject, but rather had a hard time getting transportation to the college to do the course work. I had to withdraw the first and second times, pulled a C on the third, and took it one last time as I was graduating to shine up my GPA since I knew I had a reliable car and I could lock in the A.

My sister and my mom, maybe my dad all thought I might end up a wildlife photographer. I professed the interest, and unprofessed it once I started reading about how harsh locales are in that job. I suspected getting bugs up my nose in 110-degree heat wouldn’t be as fun as the idea sounded. Instead, I leaned toward my librarian interests, and now I’m sitting here developing games and writing.

If I could tell myself back then, before all of it, that photography would never make me a dime, would cost me all my allowance on film, would be one of the albatrosses of my college years, and that technology would make all of the practical experience I learned in development a moot point...

...we would both know it was worth every single moment, one moment at a time.

Hekk.

Maybe I should send Dad some photos.

so is it done installing yet

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to-many-fandoms-cant-pick-one · 4 years

Text

BLADE TO THE PULSE-

RZ!Michael Myers x Reader

Chapter 1:

Volunteer Hours Be Damned

—————————————————

1.de·lu·sion·al

/dəˈlo͞oZH(ə)nəl/

adjective

* characterized by or holding idiosyncratic beliefs or impressions that are contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder.

2.psy·chot·ic

/sīˈkädik/

adjective

* psychotic

relating to, denoting, or suffering from a psychosis.

———————————————————

The first is even worst than the second

Because the second has the gall to be cruel when venting

The first is idiotic at best and naive at worst-

At least with the second you know it's only a matter of time

Before they burst...

———————————————————

"Yeah Mom, I know...I won't-ok...l-love you too. B-." Dial tone followed the abrupt ending to a call that had barely begun. Sighing I glanced up at the neon clock that dimly illuminated my half of the dorm room that I shared with my roommate Kat.

3:49 A.M.

'Why do I want to be a veterinarian again?' Groaning I let my head flop against the clammy light oak wood desk that was provided by the college- and immediately regretted the decision to be so reckless with my body as the tender tissue of my forehead throbbed violently.

"Fucking midterms," I whimpered'"I should've planned better for this." It wasn't that I didn't know the material- I knew it very well- it was my fragile 3.65 GPA, that was hanging in the balance, along with all of my scholarships.

Now here I was at- I glanced back up at the clock-

3:56 A.M.

On a Sunday night.

Suddenly tears of frustration pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I quickly pressed the heels of palms against my lids, because if I started crying now- I wouldn't be able to stop.

I glared at three textbooks spread out on the desk, that were equally judging me in their own way.

"Fuck it."

Dejectedly I closed my books and put them away in my backpack and decided to get ready for bed.

Shuffling sleepily across the 625 sq foot room I trudged past the shared area in the room and noticed the tv was still on, and began rummaging around attempting to locate the remote to turn off the waste of electricity; when then news report for earlier that night began to replay:

"Tonight, the small town of Haddonfield holds vigil for Judith Myers birthday. Judith Myers was 17 years old when she was killed by her 10 year old brother Michael Myers. Some 15 years later the community is still on shock. Judy would've been 32 this year. Michael is now 25 years old and is being held at the Smith's Grove Sanitarium-where he will live out the rest of his lif-"

Losing interest I turned of the tv (I heard about Michael every damn day from my mother), I resumed my nightly ritual of showering- dealing with my hair and picking out my outfit for next the next morning. When I did finally make it to my bed- the fatigue I'd been so keenly keeping at bay, washed over me and gently suffocated be down into the world of sleep.

———————————————————

1 WEEK LATER

———————————————————

Midterms went by smoother than anticipated and I felt a weight lift of my chest, as I made my way around campus. My biology professor Mrs. Whelhers had asked to speak with me regarding a matter for my thesis. And lack of volunteer hours. I looked up at the cloudless sky and sun filled my already impaired vision as I sped walked to the labs, certain that someone was going to jump me for walking alone. My rather feverish anxiousness seemed to roll over me in waves and I clung tighter to my leather crossbody messenger bag that was already digging painfully into my shoulder- the strap taut with the weight of my textbooks.

Luckily I finished my journey completely unscathed- and made my way over to my professors office.

"Mrs.Whelers?" I quietly knocked on the door before calling out again. "It's (Y/N)! You said you needed to speak to me regarding my thesis! I can come back if n-"

Mid sentence the door swung open to reveal a very VERY hungover Mrs.Whelers. I simply stared at her, dumbfounded as I attempted to make sense of her disheveled appearance.

She had heavy purple bags under her eyes- which were rimmed a violent red around her amber irises. Her usually neat strawberry blonde hair looked it was attacked by birds on her way to work, and as for her clothes the were wrinkled. I'd spotted more than on fraying hem and food stain along her skirt and sleeves of her chiffon blouse.

"M-Mrs.Wheler? Are you all right?" I murmured then proceeded to reiterate

What I'd stupidly said a few moments before. "If now isn't a good time for you I would gladly come back another day."

But deep down I also knew that my thesis would be due within the next 5 months and therefore I really couldn't dodge around whatever necessary information she had for me. Especially if it had to do with my volunteering.

Instead the 60 year old woman shook her head and gestured for me to enter the office and waved with a shaky left hand- her wedding ring gleaming in the sunlight that lazily drifted through the tall windows in her office.

Mrs.Whelers began speaking as she sat down, but her words fell on distracted,deaf ears. I'd begun drinking the appearance of the office, all rich maple built in that showed hints of a reddish glow under their glossy finish.

My professor sighed heavily and immediately I was snapped out of my little trance. My eyes blurred, suddenly watery and after blinking hard to avoid a wave of exhaustion- they refocused with the precision of a camera lens behind my harsh prescription glasses.

"I-I'm sorry, could you repeat that...I was a bit caught up in a thought." I mumbled embarrassed that I'd allowed myself to be distracted so easily. Mrs.Whelers looked me up and down cautiously, her eyes narrowing slightly as though she was trying to read the fine print on a document. I stared back at her sheepishly, eyes meeting hers then flitting away nervously.

I've always been this way when it came to eye contact- skittish and desperate to get away from it. If someone stares at me for too long- I begin to sweat profusely, nausea washing over me like a tsunami...then suddenly my skin feels like its on fire and I'll attempt to find anything on my body to pick at; my face, my arms, my nails, and by the end of it all I'm covered in nicks and scars from my own impulsiveness.

"I was saying Ms.(Y/L/N), that the volunteer hours needed along side your associates thesis are incomplete. Failure to complete said volunteer hours will result in the inability to graduate this upcoming June with the rest of class. More importantly- you will have to redo this past semester, out of your own pocket, your scholarship won't cover you."

"But that'a completely unfair!" I began to protest jumping up almost instantaneously. "I couldn't find the proper volunteer work, every clinic in a 50 mile radius was full for the next THREE MONTHS! I tried every which way possible to squeeze in somewhere; no exceptions could be made!"

"Unfortunately Ms.(Y/L/N) that isn't my problem- you either find a way to make up the time- in a way that would be approved by the school, or you don't graduate this June. That's final."

I felt tears swell in my eyes and rushed to grab my bag; I had every intention to run out the door before Mrs.Whelers put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"I didn't call you here to be the bearer of bad news, I wanted to talk about what options you may have; that have been pre-approved by the board..."

I sniffled sitting back down in the white leather arm chair that was seated in front of Mrs.Whelers’ desk. "You already spoke to the board?"

"Yes, they were quite curious as to why a student that has managed to be in the top of her class the past two years, hasn't completed something as simple as her volunteer hours. They realized rather quickly it must've had something to do with the availably of hours, and came up with another idea."

I glanced up at her curiously, "Which is?"

She began to pace around behind her desk as she spoke,"Well considering spring break begins at the end of this Friday- and you will be home for the next week-"

I opened my mouth to tell her there where no clinics back at home that did volunteer work for college students-but she waved a hand dismissively before I could.

"We at the board decided that we would like for you start a branch of animal therapy at Smith's Grove, we know your mother works- so she could be a guide to helping you with patients at first, but this could look really good for your transcripts. What do you think?"

I considered the offer momentarily- I knew getting Mother to agree wouldn't be an issue in the slightest- she’d been trying to get me to work with her at Smith’s for years...

“I could speak to her about it.” I said definitively then added “I’ll email you if she approves of the arrangement.” With a soft smile I moved once more to grab my messenger crossbody and sling it over my shoulder.

“Should your mother accept the boards offer for your volunteer hours I will message to board directly on your behalf, alright?” Mrs. Whelers said leading me to the door. As she opened it I nodded as I passed by- relieved that this problem would most likely have a solution and as long as I completed my 100 hours of volunteer work in the next week, my scholarship and graduation that lie a few months ahead will be safe...

“Have a good spring break (Y/N)!”

“You too Mrs.Whelers...”

Volunteer hours be damned...

***********************************************

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of Blade to the Pulse ☺️. I already have the next few chapters planned so expect an update within the next week or two...

#michael myers x you #michael myers x reader #michael myers #michael #myers #rz!michael myers x reader #rz!michael myers #halloween #chapter 1 #reader is in college #mama is a doctor #mikey is a bastard as always

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luvdsc · 4 years

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hi cat! i love your work! i’m going into university this year as a business admin major w/ a double concentration in acct and mis !! i was going through your about page and i was so happy when i saw that you were majoring in acct + is!!! i was wondering if you had any tips for my first year in college? also, how did majoring in both acct and IS benefit you and your future career? was it hard to manage your time? sorry for asking so many questions 🥺 i’m just rly curious!! thank you, cat!

hi, lovebug! 💕 omg thank you so much for loving my fics!! 🥺💞 and also oh my gosh you’re double majoring in the same studies as I did!!!!! aaaah that’s awesome 🤩🤩 tbh I didn’t start off in those majors though; I changed my major twice, but the first year of college is mostly gen ed classes, aside from some core classes specifically for your field of study, so hopefully, my tips will be useful for you, honey bee 💕

create a four year class plan — I looked at the class requirements I needed in order to graduate, the number of units I needed, etc. and using that information, I planned out what classes I will be taking every quarter for all four years. I actually made five different plans because I didn’t know which major I’d ultimately stick with, but that was incredibly helpful because doing this ensured that I was taking the right classes needed to graduate. Nothing sucks more than reaching senior year and realizing you forgot to take some crucial lower division class that’s required in order to take the other required upper division classes. So check your class requirements, check the requirements for upper division classes, and plan your classes accordingly for each quarter/semester for all four years.

check if your classes can double dip — some classes count for more than one requirement. my school had core class requirements, which are types of classes that all students had to take regardless of their major. I chose to take core classes that also fit under my major’s class requirements. That way, I was able to take one less class necessary since my class counted for two requirements instead of taking two classes: one for each requirement. this means you have less classes to take!

don’t slack off — it’s easy to get caught up in the party culture; remember that you’re here to get your education, not go to as many parties as possible. do not skip class!!!!! also, people think the first two years are so easy because it’s all lower division classes, so they slack off or take less classes, like three lower division ones instead of the usual four. Don’t do that. You rather take four lower division classes now when they’re all easy than overload later on in your last two years that are already filled with really hard, upper division classes. Also, even though lower division classes are quite easy, don’t slack off in those classes either. Those classes will boost your gpa; I had a 3.9 for the first two years because I made sure to get As in those lower div classes since I knew for sure I’d struggle more in the difficult upper division classes.

take morning classes — this is my personal preference, but I always signed up for the 8 am classes because if I didn’t do that, I’d sleep in all day until my afternoon class. The early class forced me to get up early, go to class, and that meant I was awake for the rest of the day, so I could be productive for the rest of the day, like study for other classes, go to the gym, or do my homework then instead of pulling an all nighter. There’s also less people in those classes so you can form a better teacher-student relationship with your professor and it’s easier to get the classes you want if you choose morning ones.

get eight hours of sleep — do not pull all-nighters !!!!! do your work ahead of time, do not procrastinate, and go to bed at a decent time. You don’t have curfews or bedtimes anymore, but still set one for yourself. Having an irregular sleep schedule is super unhealthy for you. It disrupts your body’s normal cycle. You’re also guaranteed to fall asleep in class, and that’s not only disrespectful to the professor, but you’re wasting money and your own education. Sleeping 6-8 hours every night is necessary, and you’ll be alert in class and healthy.

apply for summer accounting externships — I didn’t do this because accounting wasn’t my major at the time, but my friends all applied and got in, so they told me about their amazing experiences. The big 4 accounting firms all host summer externships, and you should definitely google this and apply for them! it’s a good way to learn more about the industry, and they even fly you out to New York City and show you around their offices there. since you’re a freshman, I recommend the externship and not the internship, but if you have questions about a summer internship at a big 4, I can answer those too!

exercise regularly — i went to the gym five days out of the week and rested on the weekend. i don’t know if other universities have this, but mine had a free gym for students along with fitness classes. i fit in at least an hour of gymming in between my classes monday through friday. first off, freshman twenty is real, and there is a high possibility that you gain weight from eating all the dining hall food rip. secondly, I’m not trying to promote underage drinking, but it happens because well, college parties and whatnot. alcohol makes you gain weight a lot. thirdly, exercise is just overall good for your mental health. it’s a good stress reliever and makes you feel good about yourself after a hard workout. it’s a healthy way to take a break from studying, too!

maintain healthy eating habits — so I touched upon this in the exercise tip! there’s no parents here to stop you from eating fast food or junk food everyday. you can order like forty chicken nuggets and eat them all in one night because you can. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Please, please take care of yourself and be kind to your body. Make sure you’re still getting a balanced diet with fruits and veggies.

be careful with alcohol — okay, I also touched upon this in the exercise tip, but you really do need to be mindful of drinking alcohol. again, I’m not promoting underage drinking, but i know it happens in a college setting. alcohol addiction is no joke. there are also so many health issues. one of my friends was a heavy drinker, and they found out their liver had serious issues now because of that. now, they can’t even drink any alcohol at all. drink in moderation. don’t ever drink so much that you black out in a random party. if you want to try what it feels like to be completely drunk like that, do it in a safe environment like a small group of trusted friends who you know. don’t do that in a place full of strangers because bad things can happen, like rape. don’t accept drinks from strangers, watch what you’re drinking. if you put your cup down, don’t drink from it again. get a new one. someone could have put something in there. I’m not trying to scare you away from experiencing college things, but you have to be careful and aware of your surroundings.

don’t walk anywhere alone when it’s dark — it’s dangerous to go out alone at night, especially if you’re a girl. buy pepper spray and carry it with you everywhere; I always had one on my keychain with me. save campus safety’s number on your phone. call them to walk you to your destination if it’s dark out even if it’s only a short distance or call a trusted male friend to walk you back to your dorm safely. there’s safety in numbers. don’t go anywhere alone and don’t go to a non-public space with a stranger. stick with your friends, even if the super cute boy that you never met before just wants to take a romantic walk with you under the moonlight away from the party. this is also why I advocate for picking classes that start and end before sunset so you have ample time to go back home when it’s light out. stay safe!

as for how double majoring in accounting and IS helped me, I chose a job that integrated both of them, but more on the tech side! to put it bluntly, a job in tech pays you more and you work less hours in comparison to a job in accounting. Those two things were a huge factor in my decision, but I also just really love learning about tech, AI, and programming, which is mainly why I chose my majors and career path. Also, companies will always need accountants, and IS is a hot major; you can always find a job, especially if you have both of those majors. You’re basically a double whammy. Those two majors also open doors to other careers, like I received offers for engineering positions, too.

time management personally wasn’t difficult for me! I had to overload classes since I switched majors and added a minor, but I scheduled my time appropriately and did fine! Procrastination is my worst enemy, so as long as I forced myself to sit down and do my work, it all went well. I have specific tips for studying and note taking on my blog that go more into depth and touch upon how I managed my time if you’re interested in that, sweetpea! 💓

It’s totally okay to ask questions, you don’t have to apologize, honey bee! 💞 I was in the same boat as you before, and it’s always good to ask questions because this is your future, and it’s better to have more information than not enough. I don’t want to go super in depth about my job and whatnot on my blog, but if you’d like, I can dm you and talk about my experiences more with the big 4 or answer any more detailed questions you have, lovebug 💛

#asks #anonymous

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melodyalanaroster · 4 years

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Graduation Day

“Wakey! Wakey! Eggs and bakey!” Agatha called as she knocked on the bedroom door. In the few weeks since Nathaniel and Amber had home from Weathering, Death’s Domain had become quite lively. Nathaniel moved in, Alana finally introduced him to Viktor and Severina, the Roster Family crowded the Black Tower, and everyone began to prepare for Alana’s graduation.

What Agatha didn’t quite know was that the two masters of Death’s Domain were already awake and finishing up a rather long, hot, shower. “Lady Melody, Lord Nathaniel, Miss Agatha is at the bedroom door. Breakfast is ready.” JARVIS announced. Nathaniel turned the water off, wrapped Alana in a towel and sat her down on the seat. “Tell them we’ll be down in a few minutes.” He called as he grabbed his towel. “Yes sir.” the A.I. replied. Alana giggled as she caught her breath. “Your family has become crazier than usual over this.” Nathaniel chuckled as he sat down next to her. “Well, you know why.” She smiled. “Yeah, I know.” He kissed her head and held her close. They held each other for a little while before JARVIS reminded them that breakfast was on the table again. “Alright! Alright! We’re coming!” Alana called, annoyed.

“It’s about time you two came to eat!” Agatha called as they descended the stairs. Agatha, Lynne and Nate were bustling around the kitchen. Sam and Ken were sitting in the living room playing video games. Sam shot Alana a look. “Someone got shower sex.” She snickered. “Good girl.” Lynne smiled. Nathaniel began to blush and act nervous. “Honey, you knew this was going to happen.” Alana laughed as she went into the kitchen, filled her plate with food, grabbed a bottle of coffee from the fridge and sat down at the dining room table. “I’ve just got to get used to it.” Nathaniel sighed as he walked into the kitchen to fill his plate. “It’ll be alright, Son.” Lynne smiled as she patted him on the back. “Don’t worry kid, it’ll come naturally.” Nate chuckled. Nathaniel took his plate and joined Alana. “Who all is going to be there?” He asked. “Let’s see... Mom, Nate, Agatha, Sam, Ken, Viktor and Severina will all be at the graduation ceremony. Then us kids are going to the Crowstorm concert tonight... Then the parties will start. The entire tower is going to celebrate tonight, but you and I will be joining our family and friends at the house in Weathering tomorrow. Seraphina has promised to put a muzzle on Kai so that he won’t be a disruption.” She explained. “Speaking of that Crowstorm concert, isn’t it strictly for Anteros students?” Ken asked as he set the controller down and walked into the kitchen. “Yeah, but, do you really think the bouncer is gonna argue with anyone who is with me?” Alana replied. “No one in their right mind would argue with you.” Sam laughed. “Why do we have to go to that thing?” Nathaniel asked. “Because, despite how much he’s annoyed me this year, Castiel is still my friend and I want to support him. Not to mention how I haven’t really done many “college kid” things this year... So, it’s something different.” Alana stated.

A couple of hours later, Alana descended the stairs wearing a formal outfit. “Where is everyone?” She asked when she noticed the boys weren’t in the living room. “I sent them to the lobby to meet up with Viktor.” Lynne replied. “Why?” Alana asked. “Because I want us girls to have some time before you cross the stage, so I’m going to do your hair.” Lynne stated. “Alright then.” Alana smiled as she sat down in front of her mother. Sam, Agatha and Severina gathered around them. “I can’t believe our Melody is graduating college!” Agatha cheered. “I can’t believe you can finally stop being “The Grim Reaper” after this.” Sam beamed. “I can’t believe it took this long for us all to finally be together.” Severina smiled. “I technically won’t stop being “The Grim Reaper”. I’m just splintering away from the rest of the Senior Staff until it’s necessary for me to return.” Alana sighed. “But you’ll officially be referred to as “Agent Thunderbird” according to the Military.” Sam replied. “Yup. And if I’m called back to action, I’ll go back to being “Death Herself” and whatnot.” Alana clarified. “But you’ll still be free to do as you please until then.” Severina added. “YUP! And I can’t fucking wait!” Alana cheered.

“We’ll see ya’ll at the end of the ceremony.” Lynne beamed as she took everyone to their seats. Nathaniel and Alana joined Amber, Chani, Castiel and Priya. They greeted each other then turned to the stage. The Director and several professors were on the stage. Miss Paltry made her way to the podium. “Hello and welcome all! I’d like to thank the Director for allowing me to make the commencement address. It’s a great honor for me to preside over this important day. I’d like to tell you about a project that’s especially important to me. This year, for the first time, we experimented with running self help classes. We didn’t know if they were going to work. We didn’t know what they were going to be like. And they ended up being a huge success. I’d like to thank you for being so committed to the project. Opening the dialogue is always a good idea. Having an open mind and debating with goodwill. That’s what we did and learned this year. That’s what makes you individuals capable of thinking, communicating, and acting in harmony with your values. We intend on continuing the program next year, and without your commitment, that wouldn’t have been possible. So, thanks to you all!” Her cheery voice boomed throughout the park. Everyone applauded and students began to cheer. Alana held Nathaniel’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder as Miss Paltry began to speak again. She thought of what she had gone through to get to this point. Every drop of blood, every time she screamed, every molecule of pain... It was all worth it just to be able to live freely with her love. Her ears perked up when Miss Paltry mentioned the Valedictorian. Several people looked at Alana. “Are they assuming it’s you?” Nathaniel quietly asked her. “It was offered to me... Simply because of my position. I told them that I didn’t want the attention and to give the honor to someone who truly deserves it.” She answered. Alana looked around her group of friends, noticed an empty seat and grinned. “She definitely deserves the honor.” She thought. “I’ll hand the mike over to her, to a round of applause, since she has the highest GPA, all majors combined. Priya Ba...” Miss Paltry began. “WOOO! GO PRIYA!” Sam’s cheering rang out through the park. Everyone looked in Sam’s direction. She was standing up and grinning ear to ear. “H-Hello.” Priya nervously spoke when she got to the podium. As Priya began her speech, Alana’s mind drifted to her friends. Priya was one of the ones who stood by her... Not always approving of her actions... But taking her choices in strides. Castiel had made it clear that he still had feelings for her, and it took a lot of effort, but he finally realized that he would have to be happy being her friend. It did hurt her to cut Alexy and Rosalaya off. It angered her to see what they had become; to know that they would never come to terms with what she had become. Priya began to speak of becoming an adult and the evolution of growing up. “She’s right.” Alana thought. Her mind then drifted to her own evolution. She started out as “Lynne Roster’s Sweet, Obedient, Responsible, Daughter”, a young woman who should be pitied, always doing the “right thing”. Then she became “The Grim Reaper” and “The Patron Saint Of Lost Children”, a force of nature that should not be trifled with. And here she was, evolving into something closer to what she truly wanted to be. She had been holding on for dear life to what she knew was her purest form all while struggling towards the light that was her desired future. “I was preparing for my future here, but above all, I was having an incredible human experience.” Priya’s voice resonated with the crowd, most everyone was hanging on to her every word. “I grew up, I cried, I learned, I had doubts, I got angry, I felt hatred and I felt passion here. It’s more than an education, it’s a university of life. Anyway, thanks for having been part of the experience. By virtue of our convictions and our interactions, we help change attitudes. And over the past five years, I’m thrilled to have been part of this community that puts tolerance at the heart of this debate.” As Priya concluded her speech, the park erupted in applause and cheers. The cheering didn’t stop until she reached her seat.

The Director stood up and walked to the podium. “Congratulations Priya, thanks again. The big time you’ve all been waiting for has finally come. We’re going to hand out the diplomas now.” He announced as he explained the order of the events to come. The Director began calling out people’s names and students began getting their diplomas. Chani crossed the stage, got her diploma and rejoined them. When Alexy’s and Rosalaya’s names got called, Alana remained silent. She turned in the direction of her family and noticed her mom giving a silent clap while Sam and Ken remained silent and motionless. Priya crossed the stage, got her diploma and rejoined them. Several minutes later Castiel’s name got called. The park erupted in girls’ screams as he crossed the stage and got his diploma. Alana put her hand on his shoulder and said how proud she was of him when he rejoined them. A few minutes later, Amber’s name got called. You could hear Alana’s family cheering loudly as she crossed the stage. “Why is your family cheering?” Priya asked. “Because, mom has claimed both Nath and Amber as her kids, so, my family is hers now.” Alana replied. Amber got her diploma and rejoined them. “NATHANIEL JACOTT” The Director called. “What?!” Alana asked. Nathaniel kissed her forehead, smiled, then walked towards the stage. Alana’s family cheered even louder. Alana watched as Nathaniel shook the Director’s hand, got his diploma and began walking towards them. Cheers could be heard from several of the rooftops. “I guess the Executioners and Crown Jewels are cheering for him as well.” Castiel commented. “Yeah, of course they are.” Alana grinned. When Nathaniel rejoined them, Alana jumped into his arms. “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” She cheered. “I knew you were working on something involving the school... I just wasn’t sure what!” she continued. Nathaniel held Alana closely for a minute before letting go. “H-how...?! Why is?!” Amber asked. “Surprise!” Nathaniel cheered. Amber turned to Alana. “What do you mean you knew he was working on something?!” She asked. “Well! He was constantly on his computer and running around Anteros! I knew he was concerned about graduating... I just didn’t know it would turn out like this!” Alana beamed. “I didn’t even tell you!” Nathaniel looked baffled at Alana. “Sweetie... You may love detective novels, but I am a strategist. You could say... It was elementary my dear!” Alana beamed. Nathaniel burst out laughing. “You are definitely no Sherlock Holmes!” He mused. “But, I was right that you were working on something towards your degree.” Alana beamed. “Yes, you were right.” Nathaniel laughed. “But how? You didn’t study! You never went to class!” Amber asked. “I got my coursework via the internet the whole time... I thought the literature courses were very captivating by the way... so I read them at night before falling asleep. My grades aren’t outstanding... I barely passed.” He explained. “Still! You made it! And you deserve every ounce of praise!” Alana cheered. “Thanks. Sure, I could never have gotten motivated without my little sister who spent the whole year insisting on me coming to class.” He beamed. “I knew I was right.” Amber smiled as she hugged her brother. “Way to go. I’m so proud of you.” She continued. Alana knew Francis and Adelaide weren’t present. “They still have my family.” She thought. “Way to go, both of you.” She smiled. “When are they going to call your name?” Amber asked. “Probably not until closer to the end. Your last name starts with a “J” so you got it over with a lot sooner than me.” Alana replied.

After what felt like forever, Alana’s time came. “MELODY ALANA ROSTER” The Director called. The park erupted in applause and cheers as she made her way to the stage. Cheers could be heard from the rooftops. “MELODY! MELODY! MELODY!” They called. She got to the Director and shook his hand. “Congratulations Miss Roster. You’ve earned it.” He beamed. “Thank you sir... For putting up with me this past year.” She grinned. “It was an honor. I should really thank you. We assumed that your presence would make Anteros a depressing place.... But you didn’t. In fact, you lightened the mood, and helped improve students’ lives. I still haven’t gotten over that gala you helped organize. It was a wonderful evening.” The smile on the Director’s face grew warmer as he spoke. “Way to go Miss.” Miss Paltry smiled. Alana thanked them both then looked at the crowd. The rest of the professors were sitting in the first few rows. Rayan waved at her and winked. She responded with a smile. She looked towards her family. Everyone was standing, clapping and cheering. Sam had even begun to whistle. She returned to Nathaniel and Amber. “Congratulations!” Nathaniel smiled as he hugged her. “You’ve earned it!” Amber grinned. “Thank you so much!” Alana quickly hugged Amber. “What was that for?! You never hug me!” Amber looked at her, slightly shocked. “I know... But, this is a special occasion.” Alana smiled. Nathaniel looked at them, shocked, then smiled and hugged both of them. “I love you both.”

After hugging and cheering with friends for a while, Alana and Nathaniel decided to return to her family. “You’re not gonna come with us?” Alana asked. “Nah. I’m gonna go hang out with Castiel. His parents actually came and I’m pretty sure he needs a good excuse to get away from them.” Amber replied. “Well, remember, you are invited to all the parties that are being thrown.” Alana sighed. “Thanks.” Amber smiled. As they walked over to their group, Alana caught a glimpse of Alexy and Rosalaya staring at her. Alexy shot her a meak smile and Rosalaya waved. Her eyes became cold for a minute before she turned back to Nathaniel and resumed smiling. Nathaniel turned his head in the direction Alana was staring and noticed the two sober looking graduates. “Are they still causing you trouble?” He asked her. She shook her head. “No, they’re not. They’re just kinda eating away at the back of my brain.” She sighed. “It’s alright. If you still think they’re not worth your time, then it’s okay to not pay them any attention.” He reassured as they walked up to her family. “CONGRATS MY SWEET LITTLE BABY!” Lynne cheered as she squeezed Alana tightly. “Mom, I know you’re happy... But I’m not a baby anymore.” Alana choked as she attempted to release herself from her mother’s embrace. “Nonsense! You’ll always be my baby!” Lynne beamed. Nate, Sam, Ken, Viktor, Severina and Agatha all began to congratulate her and Nathaniel. “I thought you said you probably weren’t gonna graduate.” Sam commented as she turned to Nathaniel. “I worked hard and finished out.” He replied.

A while later, the Roster family was sitting at the cafe, enjoying snacks and talking. “Mom, I love you, but I think you got my ponytail too tight.” Alana sighed as she took her hair down. Verity Mekina walked through the door and greeted the group. “Melody! I’m so proud of you!” She beamed as she hugged Alana. “Aunt Verity! I’m so glad you could come!” Alana smiled. Verity turned to Nathaniel. “And you must be the infamous Nathaniel! Mels has told me so much about you! It’s a pleasure to finally meet the man who has stolen my god-daughter’s heart!” Nathaniel blushed. “I hope it was all good.” He smiled, nervously. “I assure you, it was all positive. Welcome to the family!” Verity brought Nathaniel in for a hug. “And congratulations on graduating!” She beamed as she sat down. “So? Is Crowstorm really going to perform a private concert at the big party in Weathering?” Severina asked. “Yeah. Castiel offered to do it while we were on our way to the house a few weeks ago.” Alana replied. “Isn’t that the new band everyone is freaking out about.” Verity asked. “Yeah, remember, Sam and I went to high school with Castiel.” Alana reminded. “He used to be a dick to Kentin, and he and Nathaniel hate each other.” Sam added. “Well, I wouldn’t say we completely hate each other now.” Nathaniel commented. “Oh, right, now you two have gone from fighting all the time to a weird, blooming, bromance. Seriously, fight each other, or fuck each other... Just get it out of your system already.” Sam laughed. Nathaniel’s face turned red. “It’s not a bromance!” He clenched his teeth. “Mels! Come on! You know it would be interesting if they fucked. Especially if you were in the middle of it!” Sam continued. Alana facepalmed. “Really? Are you trying to get him riled up?” She asked. “So? Nathaniel, what are you thinking about doing? Career wise?” Verity asked, nervously. “I’m not really sure just yet. I love literature, but I also love police work. I figured that I’d decide on my career while Alana and I are out traveling.” Nathaniel replied. “Police work? Would your position in the R.D.R even allow that?” Viktor asked. “I’m sure I can make it work. We’d have to talk to the prime minister, mayor, red death, and police chief... But, first and foremost, we’ve got a world to travel.” Alana explained. “Well, I think it’s noble.” Verity commented. “Thank you.” Nathaniel smiled. “So, where are you two thinking about going first?” Severina asked. “I wouldn’t mind going back to London.” Nathaniel grinned. “Back to the Shard.” Alana giggled. “Okay, what happened in London?” Viktor asked, annoyed. Sam, Severina, Lynne and Agatha began to laugh. “Go on Mels. Tell that story.” Nate laughed, embarrassed. “Alright, alright. So, after Nathaniel and I got done hanging out with the cast of Doctor Who at the red carpet premier of the 50th Anniversary Special, we got a little frisky... Apparently, our passion was so loud that the hotel manager felt the need to come to our room and demand we keep it down, or else risk getting kicked out of the hotel. When we opened the door, the manager immediately recognized me as Mom’s daughter and Nate’s step-daughter.... I swear, you could see the pain in his eyes from how much he was holding back laughter. After that, our passions were a lot quieter for the duration of our stay.... But every time we saw that manager, he gave us funny looks. It’s now referred to in the family as “The London Incident”.” Alana explained. Viktor’s and Verity’s eyes widened. Nathaniel blushed. Lynne, Sam and Agatha began to laugh harder. “I swear, that was definitely a bright point in that period of time!” Lynne laughed. A wave of envy washed over Viktor. Alana shot him a sharp look. Viktor looked down. “I don’t regret it. That was amazing.” Alana commented. “Yeah, it was.” Nathaniel looked at her, lovingly and stroked her hair. “I think it’s romantic. They were apart for months at that time and I’m sure they both needed it. Besides, what’s better than making love in a foreign land?” Verity smiled. “I can definitely vouch for that.” Lynne sighed as she looked at Nate.

Several hours later, the kids were waiting to get in to the Snake Room. “This is gonna be great!” Severina cheered. “Are you really sure this is okay?” Viktor asked. “Don’t worry. After the bouncer hassled me the last time I was here for a Crowstorm event, the owner was so embarrassed that they’ve begun to grovel at my feet for my forgiveness.” Alana explained. “Did you ever deal with Crowstorm’s manager after they had you sit with all those whores?” Sam asked. “Yep. I threatened to find someone much more suitable for the band and slander his name throughout the business. He has become much more cooperative since then.” Alana replied. “Does Castiel know you did that?” Nathaniel asked. “It’s best if he doesn’t know. As it is, I don’t act on my threats unless I’m forced to.” Alana shrugged. As they got in to the club, everyone turned their eyes to them. “Hey everyone.” Alana smiled as she began walking towards the stage. People began to make a path and let the group through. The crowd of people began to wait for the band to take the stage. “Its a shame we can’t get the old band back together. It would be nice to see Castiel, Nathaniel and Lysander up there.” Sam commented. “It wouldn’t work anyway. You know Castiel and I can’t work together like that for very long.” Nathaniel smirked. “But, it would be really nice to see what Crowstorm was supposed to be...” Alana sighed.

As Crowstorm took the stage, Castiel smiled at the group of friends. The girls smiled and waved. Castiel looked at the rest of the crowd and grinned. “You know who we are.” He winked as the band began to play the opening notes to their song, “Do You Wanna Come Home With Me?”. The crowd’s cheers grew as the band played. “This is awesome!” Severina cheered. “And it’s only the beginning.” Alana grinned as she looked at Nathaniel, lovingly. “So, where are we gonna start?” Nathaniel asked. Alana kissed him, passionately and smiled. “First, Weathering... Then, the world.”

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I’ve been meaning to write this for months, but, due to recent events, I’ve been unable to. I wanted to feature several other people in this blurb’s image (Amber, Castiel, Priya and Alana’s Aunts (Seraphina and Agatha)... But the background was too small, so I simply featured her parents and the 6 main kids.

Credit goes to:

@candysweetposts For Lynne’s and Nate’s sprites, as well as the bases to Severina and Samantha. LicyAD on DeviantArt for Viktor’s Sprite Unnieverso on DeviantArt for Kentin’s Sprite

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wanderinglotus7 · 3 years

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The Legacy Continues

Well, I made it! I made it. There are three days left of 2020 until we roll into 2021. This year has been a game changer. Game changer doesn’t seen correct...life altering sounds better. My life drastically changed within the past month. Though these events threw me off my game, I recovered and bounced back even stronger. This speaks to my tremendous strength in the Lord & within myself. I continue to tell myself that the fortune teller I spoke with summer 2019 has been spot on y’all. August 2020 to now, adjust to my new life has been challenging, but I don’t regret my decision moving to Massachusetts. This decision is part of the life-course God has plan for me.

Yes, I miss my family. However, my experiences of attending Bridgewater College and traveling to Thailand has prepared me for this moment in my life. Because of covid I haven’t really been active in my new environment, but I try to take advantage of the opportunities I do have to explore my surroundings. Last week I took a nice walk and ended up exploring another part of Newton and almost ended up in the inner city of Boston (I think I walked about 8 miles in total). I took another walk into town and walked into HomeGoods on my way to Starbucks. Leaving and returning to Boston, I took the train and was able to get myself to and from the Logan airport. Small victories in my book! I am in no rush to try to experience everything all at once. I have around 4 to 5 years to embrace Boston as my new home. I already feel like it is anyway. This is my true testimony to see if I can really be responsible for myself. So far, I feel confident in achieving/excelling in this area of my life. My upbringing has prepared me, yet again, for the challenges of [young] adulthood.

I am getting ahead of myself. I have to rewind a bit give y’all an update. December 18th was the last day of classes and finals week. I have successfully finished my first semester of grad school!!! YEAH ME!!!!! I’m telling you the hard work paid off. I did have my moments of doubt and feelings of not being good enough. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning trying to balance school, work, and my internship. On top of that, I am trying to balance a relationship along with working on my mental health. My mind & body is always on the go. No time for rest...actually there are moments of rest, but I chose not to rest instead. I have a bad habit of pushing through and bulldozing my way through my life. I don’t take the necessary time to be present and focus on what is in front of me. Sometimes, I get too focused on the future and forget to enjoy the present. I have been in this mode since mid October to the 18th. Midterms kicked me in the ass because that was around the same time I began working at chipotle. Even before Chipotle, I was falling behind on the readings and assignments for my classes. On the other hand, my internship with Amirah is not a stressor in my life because it is an experience that I am passionate about. I’m not bothered having to wake up early and end my days late when it comes to my internship because I am that committed. Being overwhelmed and stressed I passed all my midterms with good grades (all As and one B)! Then the unexpected happened...

October 29th at 11:18pm, I received a phone call from my mother informing me that my Grandmother Shirley unexpected passed away. I think they determined her cause of death was because of a heart attack. I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to know. I’m hoping she passed away peaceful. The news sent me into shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. I just had a conversation with that previous Thursday or Saturday, and the conversation went so well. She was so proud of me. She was excited for me to be home for Christmas and all these other things. It’s not the same, but at least we were able to say “I love you” before she passed. Who would’ve known that would be the last time I will ever speak to her again. And this had to happen around the holidays and around the same time that Laura Mae (my great grandmother passed away). In less than three weeks, I received a phone call and text early in the morning from my Grandma Louise and my dad telling me that my granddaddy unexpectedly passed away too. Two grandparents removed from my life at the snap of the finger.

With help from my family, I was able to fly to Virginia for both funeral services. This time I said my final good-byes unlike with Laura Mae. I didn’t want to live with that guilt. Everyone has been very compassionate, understanding, and accommodating to my situation and has given me time to grieve & heal especially regarding BC, Amirah, & Chipotle. I missed a few classes and had to receive a few extensions on a couple of assignments. I pulled through the best way I could manage in my emotional state. My emotional state didn’t get any better dealing with my relationship during this time. Some of my boyfriend’s recent decisions added more unnecessary stress in my life. I was already stressed about me introducing him to my entire family because the timeline got rushed and I wasn’t for sure if I wanted him around while I’m going through a mental & emotional meltdown. At the end of the day, he wanted to be there for me to provide his live and support and I wasn’t going to deny him of doing so. It would’ve been selfish of me to tell him “No”. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of spending maybe two weeks together, my boyfriend and I spent basically all of November together bouncing between Gloucester and Woodstock. It sucked that it had to be under sad circumstances.

Decisions, decisions, decisions that is where my mind was at. Only a few individuals gave me the needed space to focus & process my emotions. From all angles I was being pressured to make some permanent decisions in which my mind was not in the right mind frame to be thinking. I did reach out and have been receiving counseling services from the university which has been helpful. I am in the process of searching for a therapist outside of the university for long-term treatment. Though I tell myself sometimes I feel like quitting, I decided to remain a full time student, declared my concentration, and completed my field placement application for 2021-2022 academic year. I’m on tract to graduating Spring 2022. Being blessed again, I was able to receive extensions on two of my finals and on my field placement assignments. I passed all my finals! I received all As and one B+. I ended the semester with a 3.6 GPA. Not too shabby (lol). I know my grandparents are very proud of me.

I’m proud of myself! I didn’t surrender and take the easy way out. I turned 24 on the 7th which is another milestone in my life. I was shown much love that exceeded my expectations. I spent the Christmas alone, but I made the best out of my situation & was still able to connect with my loved ones. Since the 18th I devoted my downtime, and overall winter break taking better care of myself. The last week I was home, I noticed that I’ve been severely neglecting myself and it was heavily damaging my well-being. I’m growing in setting and maintaining my boundaries, learning to be present with emotions & resting, being okay with saying “no” and not feeling guilty about it. The most important lesson is not overworking myself in every aspect of my life. I am no good to myself or others if I am completely burnt out.

I am praying that 2021 isn’t a continuation of this year. Yet, 2020 has not been all too horrible. I have been able to grow in so many ways that I am becoming a better individual. Most important, I’m continuing to learn how to be a better person for myself!

#personalgrowth

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snarkystjames · 4 years

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Listen To Your Heart || St. Berry

Date: December 13th. Late afternoon

Location: McKinley High School & Rachel’s house

Starring: Rachel Berry @starberrycupcake & Jesse St. James

Notes: Jesse shows up at McKinley after hearing Rachel is banned from seeing her boyfriend. He offers to help her study.

Warnings: partial song fic bc it’s glee (gross)

Rachel Berry:

Rachel had begun the year determined and not distracted by anything and now here she was, almost the end of the first semester of her senior year completely consumed with something other than the future. It had felt so good to be so focused on Hunter and absolutely nothing else but now that she was grounded until her grades were up, she was frustrated with herself. She didn’t regret being with Hunter in the least bit. She’d had the best, most wild three months of her entire life and she wasn’t about to regret any of it because of school. She would just have to pull herself together and quickly get her grades up and she and Hunter would be off to starting their future in no time.

Her teachers were seemingly exasperated with her constant requests for extra credit and make-up work so she could hopefully pull her grade up before her GPA dropped significantly. Though reluctant, they still gave her a much needed chance and she knew that if she could just get it all done she would be set and she could see Hunter on her birthday without having to sneak around. It had only been a couple of days but knowing she couldn’t see Hunter made her want to see him even more.

Rachel was just finishing up glee club when she sent a text to her boyfriend, letting him know she was finally out of class and was thinking of him when she bumped into a familiar face right outside the door, almost knocking her phone out of her hand. “Oh! Jesse!” She glanced around to make sure her glee peers were nowhere to be found. “If any of the New Directions see you, they’re going to flip out on me.” She let her eyes trail up to his face, her demeanor softening a bit. “What’re you doing here, anyway?”

Jesse St. James:

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to see you, of course,” Jesse replied with his usual confident demeanor. He had been waiting right outside and as soon as he’d seen Rachel come out of the room, he was right in front of her. He didn’t care whether or not any of the other New Directions’ kids would’ve spotted him. “I’m not here to spy but you were amazing in that last number-- someone might want to tell Finn that he was a little pitchy on the last refrain because he probably doesn’t even realize.”

Jesse smoothed out the front of his jacket, playing with the ends of his chiffon scarf for just a moment before smiling at Rachel. “Vocal Adrenaline is taking a break from rehearsals today-- a rarity-- so I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to see you. Is your boyfriend going to mind if I'm here to see you?"

Rachel Berry:

Rachel felt a little apprehensive about seeing Jesse at all much less alone, especially considering the smile that involuntary spread across her face at the way he told her he was there for her. Their history was complicated and Jesse had a great track record of making her feel on top of the world and then ripping the rug out from under her. For some reason, however, she trusted him each time. Even now despite her apprehension she could feel the trust.

Rachel chuckled, shaking her head. “Finn was fine, he’ll be ready by competition. We did win Sectionals after all.” A cheeky grin spread across her face as she looked at her former lover but it quickly faded when he mentioned Hunter. She felt mildly uncomfortable in that moment, thinking she should maybe tell Hunter about this little run in. “I’m sure Hunter wouldn’t be thrilled to know you’re here, especially considering that I’m grounded and not even allowed to see him.”

Nibbling on her bottom lip, Rachel glances around again before sighing. He had come all this way to see her. “I can’t really hang out too long because my dads will be home in a couple of hours and I’m supposed to be home when they get there…” she offered, letting him know that if he wanted, she could make the time for him.

Jesse St. James:

“Congratulations on the Sectionals win, by the way. It’ll be fun to see you and your boyfriend go head-to-head at Regionals; I’m sure we’ll be seeing you at Nationals again this year,” Jesse grinned. Upon hearing that she and Hunter were banned from seeing each other due to her being grounded, an idea popped into his head. Any time an opportunity presented itself to Jesse, he was raring to grasp it at first chance.

“So let’s go to your house,” Jesse suggested, completely unbothered with the fact that he just invited himself over to Rachel’s house. “I’m sure your dads will be supportive of you getting homework help from me; I did go to college, after all.” Of course he intentionally left out the fact that he’d dropped out because he didn’t actually go to his classes. But that wasn’t a necessary detail right now.

Rachel Berry:

“Thank you,” Rachel grinned. “It will be a lot of fun because he’s as competitive as I am. That is if the Warblers even let him stay long enough.” She rolled her eyes, sighing as she thought of all the drama that Hunter had been through so far this year. “Of course I’ll be at Nationals. I have to win, it’s crucial to my reputation-- if I can start out in the Broadway scene as a national show choir champion it’ll be extremely helpful in getting the respect that I deserve.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows at how forward Jesse was, though it shouldn’t have come as such a shock. “Jes, what makes you think I can have anyone over if I can’t have my boyfriend over?” She asked him, nodding her head towards the way she would begin to walk. “Wait, you want to help me with my homework?” She giggled. “Do you even know anything about Trigonometry?” Rachel couldn’t remember the last time - if there was ever a time - that Jesse even talked about homework or anything that wasn’t related to show choir or Broadway. “I have some make-up homework- I actually could use help on it.” She said as she approached her locker, opening it up to grab the homework she needed to take home. “I had thought about sneaking out to Westerville but I don’t really have a way to get there and back before LeRoy and Hiram get home so..” She shrugged.

Jesse St. James:

As Rachel walked towards her locker, Jesse accompanied her and met her pace. “Yeah, I’m great at math,” he boasted, though he honestly couldn’t say what he knew what trigonometry even looked like. “It’s just like, adding and subtracting stuff, right? How hard could it be?” At the mention of her going off to Westerville, Jesse nibbled on the inside of his cheek. He wanted to say something about how that was a bad idea and Hunter was causing her to neglect her studies but he thought it wiser to keep his mouth shut.

“Oh, before I forget,” he spoke up as she rummaged through her locker for her things. He pulled out a slim jewelry gift box, held closed by a simple gold ribbon. “I brought you your birthday present in case we don’t see each other before then. I figured you could use the pick-me-up after being grounded, too.” He handed off the box, giving her an expectant look for her to open it now. He looked happy and hopeful as she opened it to reveal a necklace with a small gold star charm.

Rachel Berry:

Rachel shook her head as a giggle fell from her lips. She wasn’t sure if he was joking or not but she was among towards him being serious which was no help to her. Still, it would be nice to have the company for a little bit. She was about to speak again when Jesse interrupted her by pulling out the small jewelry box.

“What’s this?” A grin spread from ear to ear as she closed her locker and took the gift from him. When she opened it up to reveal the golden star, Rachel’s stomach flipped. “Oh, Jes…” her grin faltered a little bit as the weight of the gift settled in her. It was incredibly sweet and it made her heart skip a beat. “You shouldn’t have, I can’t accept this..” she tried weakly to deny his thoughtful gift. “It’s too much.” Her brown eyes looked up to meet his, her voice soft.

Jesse St. James:

“Stop it, it’s your birthday gift,” Jesse pushed, taking the gift box from her and stepping behind her. “A girl such as yourself should have the best accessories to accentuate your beauty and talent.” He helped to put it around her neck and once he was done, he returned to stand in front of her to get a good look. “See? It looks perfect.” You look perfect.

So it was probably pretty obvious to everyone that Jesse still had feelings for Rachel but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do nice things for her-- especially since the gift was for her birthday. With Hunter out of the way for the time being, he knew this was his chance to get back in Rachel’s good graces and establish himself as her close friend. “So? Are we going back to your place to study?”

Rachel Warbler:

Rachel bit down on her lip as Jesse moved to slip the necklace around her neck, placing her hand on the small gold star that now rested on the base of her neck. It was the sweetest gift anyone had ever given her. When he came back to get a look at her, a blush painted her cheeks at his words. Shaking her head gently, Rachel smiled at him. “Thanks, Jesse. I really love it.” She felt the warmth in her cheeks spreading down her neck, the effect he had on her was obvious and she was regrettably transparent.

When Jesse suggested going to her house, she let out a soft sigh, checking the time. “I suppose, but you have to leave at five. You can’t be there when my dads get home, I’m walking a fine line and I don’t want to not see Hunter until we graduate.” She explained as she gathered her things, closing up her locker for the day. Hunter. She again felt compelled to let Hunter know that Jesse had showed up. “And you have to help me with my homework to some extent- no distractions.” Rachel pulled out her phone as she led the way to leave the school, sending a text to Hunter to give him the heads up that Jesse showed up at McKinley and was giving her a ride home. “Can I get a ride home?” She asked Jesse, glancing over at him. “My dads dropped me off and I’m supposed to get a ride from Kurt but there’s no need for him to go out of his way since you’re here.” She smiled.

Jesse St. James:

Jesse grinned ear to ear when Rachel finally agreed to him coming over. Even if it was a few hours, he’d take what he could get. “Yeah, of course. My Range Rover is parked right over here,” he gestured in the direction of his car once they were outside. “I promise I won’t do anything to distract you but I also wouldn’t be opposed to singing with you if you wanted; it’s been a while since we’ve had a duet together. You know our voices sound phenomenal together.”

When they both got into the car, Jesse’s phone connected via bluetooth and he scrolled through his music, looking for the perfect song for such an occasion. He knew the Rachel Berry he loved-- who also loved him-- was in there somewhere… He just needed to coax her out. The opening melody of Roxette’s Listen To Your Heart started playing over the speakers as Jesse started driving out of the parking lot and towards Rachel’s home.

Rachel Berry:

A smile spread across Rachel’s face when Jesse suggested singing with her. It had been a bit since they’d had the pleasure of singing together and she would be lying to herself and everyone else if she said they didn’t fit together vocally. He was the only person that could ever keep up with her talent. That is, until she met Hunter. “I suppose a harmless duet wouldn’t hurt.” She said as she got into his car, settling in and buckling her seatbelt.

When she heard the first note of the song flow through the speakers, her stomach clenched and she glanced over at Jesse, a small grin tugging at her lips. She knew the song and she knew it well, obviously. His choice of song wasn’t lost on her and she knew that she shouldn’t lead him on-- but she also couldn’t resist a chance to belt out one of her most favorite classics. Shifting in her seat a little, she folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah You've built a love but that love falls apart Your little piece of Heaven turns too dark

Jesse St. James:

Jesse had known that Rachel couldn’t resist this song. When she started singing in that crystal-clear voice that Jesse adored so much, he couldn’t help but to smile and nod his head. He kept his eyes on the road but glanced over to her whenever he had the chance. These days, it was rare for him to hear Rachel singing unless it was at a competition. Singing with her was an even rarer occurrence.

When the next verse started, he sang along with her. Just like the first time they sang Hello together in the music library those years ago, their voices melted together beautifully.

Listen to your heart

When he's calling for you

Listen to your heart

There's nothing else you can do

While stopped at a red light, Jesse looked over to her and when he caught her gaze, smiled brightly at them. Regardless if on a big stage, in the choir room, or doing a little karaoke in the car, Jesse always enjoyed singing with her.

Rachel Berry:

When Jesse’s voice melted with hers during the chorus, Rachel couldn’t stop the smile that appeared on her face, looking over to Jesse to catch his eye when they were stopped.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile

The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah

They're swept away and nothing is what is seems

The feeling of belonging to your dreams

She kept her eyes on Jesse as she sang with him, giving it her all as usual. She could feel something crawling up from the depths of her heart, something that was supposed to be shoved deep down to never be touched again. It felt good to sing with Jesse but for a brief moment as she looked to the man next to her she saw Hunter- the mirage taking her breath for a split second. Rachel shook her head, she sang with other people all of the time, it didn’t mean anything because it was Jesse.

The only man who’d ever come close to knowing her as much as Hunter did.

Jesse St. James:

Jesse was in high spirits as they continued to harmonize through the song. He liked the way she looked at him when they sang to each other. After the song eventually came to an end, Jesse turned down the volume as the next track played.

“Still as amazing as always; it’s a wonder why you’re not already on the fast track to Broadway,” he said to her. They were just a few blocks away from her house by now. “It’s too bad you can’t pass all your classes by just singing… You’d be valedictorian.”

When they pulled up to the house, Jesse parked his car in the driveway. It’d been a little while since he’d been over to her house-- not since when they were still dating each other. It almost felt like stepping into a timewarp, into the past.

Rachel Berry:

Rachel blushed again for the second time that day when Jesse complimented her, giggling softly. “That’s really sweet.” She said, looking over at him as he parked. “What about you, though? You’re equally as talented as I am...if not more so. You shouldn’t be here in Ohio-- you should be in New York already.” She shook her head, her tone serious. “I know Vocal Adrenaline is important to you...but they’re holding you back.”

She knew from the times they’d spoken that Jesse wasn’t back solely for Vocal Adrenaline-- but for her. “You can’t let anything-- including me-- hold you back.” Nibbling on her bottom lip, she grinned a little, reaching over to place her hand on his. “You’re too good for this place, Jes.” Rachel gave his hand a gentle squeeze before moving to take off her seatbelt.

Jesse St. James:

Jesse was quiet for a moment after Rachel told him that he shouldn’t let anything hold him back. It was nice that someone believed in him-- that he was destined for bigger and better things than Ohio. He squeezed her hand back and smiled at her. “This is just a temporary gig-- another credit I can list on my growing résumé,” he insisted, knowing that he couldn’t be confined to such “small picture” ventures.

When they exited the vehicle, Jesse let Rachel lead the way up the path towards the front door. “But for the record, it isn’t you that’s holding me back,” Jesse clarified, pausing for a moment to clear his throat, “New York is still my future. You’re part of that future, too.”

Rachel Berry:

Rachel paused briefly with her keys in the door as Jesse reiterated that she would be part of that future. It was sort of flattering that Jesse was so adamant. She may be part of his future career-wise but romantically she just couldn’t do it. Anytime the thought tried to crawl out from the back of her mind all she could see was Hunter. “We will take over the Broadway scene,” she chuckled, opening the door to let them in. “Our names will be in everyone’s mouth.” She dreamed for a moment about her and Jesse being friends and being a powerful force in New York together.

“You and Hunter getting along is crucial, though, or it’ll never work.” Rachel cleared her throat as she led him into the dining room, placing her things on the table. She was suddenly very aware that she was alone with Jesse and it made her palms a little sweaty. “So, uh, trigonometry…”

Jesse St. James:

"Oh, definitely. The first time you have a leading role, you and I will win for Best Actress and Best Actor; we'll do so much press as the two ingenues from Podunk, Ohio who made names for themselves-- together." Jesse followed Rachel into her home, also acutely aware that with her parents not present it made them very much alone. He took the time to take a look around, familiarizing himself with how things looked similar to the last time he was here. Nostalgia washed over him, picturing his teenage self with a doe-eyed sixteen year old Rachel Berry singing duets together around the piano in the living room.

Jesse forced himself to step away from the past, aware that he needed to put himself in the present to continue being part of Rachel's life. "So what's Hunter's plans? College in New York? He probably wants to do something boring like being an accountant, right?"

Rachel Berry:

Rachel chuckled to herself as she took a seat at the table, noticing the way Jesse skirted around her prompt for the homework help that he’d come for. She should’ve known better-- Jesse couldn’t actually help her with her homework. He just wanted to spend time with her and if she were being honest, she did, too. She wanted to spend time with him without Hunter around so she could assess Jesse’s actual intentions and feelings and if he could actually handle just being her friend.

“I told you, we’re moving to New York. He’s wanting to go to Cornell- which, admittedly, isn’t ideal because it puts two more hours between us than we have now but it’s not like we can’t make it work. We’ll meet halfway most times, I’m sure.” She said, having not given much thought to their future other than the fact that they were going into it together, even if it meant being apart for a few more years. “His father wants him to go into the Navy, follow in his footsteps. But we haven’t talked about that much, though.” Nibbling on her lip, Rachel tried to push the thought from her mind as she usually did. She hoped that when the time came, Hunter would choose her over the Navy without prompt and she didn’t have to be that girl.

Jesse St. James:

“Navy?” Jesse murmured to himself, wondering how that would impact Rachel’s future. “So he’ll be on a boat somewhere? Like a sailor out to sea for weeks and weeks at a time..? Doesn’t sound like fun.” He finished perusing through the living room before returning to Rachel’s side at the dining room table. Her books were spread out on the table and when Rachel opened up the math book, his eyes became wide like saucers. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what he was looking at, but he wasn’t about to make that apparent.

“A sailor and a broadway superstar don’t really mix, do they? It’s not exactly the ‘Broadway power couple’ I envision when I see you walking down the red carpet at events.” Jesse flipped through the pages of the trigonometry book, eyes scanning the content to see if there was even a little bit of something he understood so he could help.

Rachel Berry:

Rachel sighed, looking down at the table as Jesse mentioned Hunter being away for long periods of time out in the middle of the ocean. She really hadn’t taken a moment to sit alone with those thoughts and really assess. She thought being grounded from Hunter was bad, but what about when he was shipped off somewhere and she couldn’t speak to him every single day whenever she pleased? She suddenly felt nauseous.

“M-maybe it’s not ideal. But it’s what he wants...he doesn’t hold me back from what I want.” She was trying to convince herself rather than Jesse. “If...if the Navy is what he wants to do then I can’t stop him.” Rachel trailed off, thinking of the first date she’d gone on with Hunter when they had discussed their lives. “Though...I don’t really think it’s what he wants really. I think his dad is more or less pressuring him into it.” As these thoughts began to nibble at her anxiety ridden brain, she wasn’t so much focused on getting to her homework. Glancing over at Jesse, Rachel shook her head. “Do you know anything about the Navy? Do they, like, go to actual war?” She realized then she had little to no knowledge of any military branch.

Jesse St. James:

Upon hearing that Rachel wasn’t especially supportive of Hunter’s decision to join the Navy, Jesse thought to himself that perhaps he found the fracture in their seemingly perfect relationship. It would be cruel to manipulate Rachel, but honesty was the best policy… Being upfront with her about his opinion of the military wasn’t the wrong thing to do, right? “Oh, I’m pretty sure people in the Navy go to war,” he answered, leaning back in his chair a little. “I mean, I only know from television but there’s a bunch of ships and submarines in the ocean watching the Koreans, right? It’s like, an island, right? So it’s surrounded by water. Isn’t the US. on the brink of a war with them right now?”

He backed off a little when he realized he might be scaring Rachel. “Maybe you can convince him not to join the military. The guy’s in show choir too, right? I mean, there’s no way he can get into NYADA but lots of actors hack it in New York without an education. He could totally get an ensemble role.”

Rachel Berry:

“War?” Rachel asked, looking at Jesse with her forehead wrinkled, the nausea turning her stomach again. “L-like, war?” She shook her head, imagining the worst case scenario. There was a vivid image in her mind of her in New York, alone. And then another of her coming backstage from curtain call of one of her shows to a phone call letting her know that Hunter was dead and never coming back. She took a shaky breath, closing her eyes and shaking her head as she tried to calm the anxiety that was rapidly building in her chest.

“Uh, yeah,” She cleared her through, pressing her lips together as she looked down. “He’s extremely talented. He’s better than me, even. Well...at least just as talented.” Rachel explained, rubbing her hands over her face, taking another breath. “I just don’t…” She tried to get the images out of her head again, sighing. “Maybe...maybe he won’t go. Maybe he’ll change his mind and realize that it’s not his dream and he’ll find something else. Y-yeah...maybe.” Rachel placed her hands down on the table, sitting up a little straighter, visibly uncomfortable, anxious. She didn’t want to think about this anymore, it was scaring her and she didn’t have Hunter there to comfort her and talk it through. She didn’t want to have an anxiety attack in front of Jesse, either, regardless of whether or not he’d seen it before.

Jesse St. James:

Jesse mentally kicked himself when he realized Rachel was on the verge of an anxiety attack, clearly caused by him. “If anyone can convince someone into doing something, it’s you. If he really likes performing as much as either of us you can convince him to do something else with his life. Besides, who goes to college just to waste it in the military? That’s just dumb…” Maybe he would talk to Hunter too; it was the least he could do after making Rachel unnecessarily worry. “I mean, weren’t you just talking about Ohio and Vocal Adrenaline holding me back? Don’t be surprised to run into me this time next year because I am definitely going to New York, too. Even if I have to bus tables while I go to every audition out there, I’m going.”

His tone about New York was much more self-assured than before and it was all thanks to Rachel’s words. She had an innate ability to cheer anyone on, right beside them. Even if Rachel wasn’t actually doing anything, she really was a driving force for Jesse to find his place. He just hoped that when he landed on his own two feet Rachel would be standing right beside him.

Rachel Berry:

Rachel just nodded her head as Jesse tried to talk her down from the looming anxiety attack. “I guess. I...I don’t even really want to think about it anymore.” She tried to get the jarring images to leave her mind as she took a deep breath, appreciating the way Jesse changed the subject.

“Y-yeah...I know you’ll be there. I don’t doubt that.” She looked over to Jesse, placing her hand on his. “That’s why it’s important to me that we all get along. We’re going to be in each other’s professional lives at the very least.” She said, giving him a gentle smile. “It’ll be really nice to have a familiar face to work with, I’m glad it’ll be you. I mean that.”

Jesse St. James:

Jesse nodded a bit when she agreed that they’d all be in New York together. At least while Hunter was in college figuring his future out, Jesse would be the third wheel; he had that much guaranteed for him and he was completely fine playing the slow game. Rachel had almost gone back to him once before, so it was only a matter of time. “Right? The three of us will be bonafide New Yorkers in no-time. Now c’mon, I promised to help you with your math homework so tell me what chapter you’re on and I’ll look up the answers on my phone.”

He was satisfied that he managed to talk her down a bit and she was smiling, so he took it as a good sign. Her worries were obviously still there because a matter like that wasn’t going to be overlooked; Jesse knew her too well to know that he’d inadvertently planted a seed of anxiety somewhere in Rachel’s brain. One thing was certain to him, however: if Hunter was going to commit to the military, things might not work out for him and Rachel. That was the golden opportunity Jesse had been waiting for.

#rachel berry rp #jesse st james rp #st berry rp #glee rp #1x1 rp #paras #para: rachel #rachel

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gayasianminimalist · 4 years

Text

Dear Future Deanna,

You are about to go off to college, and afterwards starting your great big life. Therefore you may never see this message future Deanna. But I won’t lose hope because maybe you’ll have this with you without knowing it. Anyways, good luck in college, hope you make the most of it because you only get once chance in college. Make good choices, but at the same time take some risks or else you will forever regret not being bold. It’s okay if you make any mistakes because I’m sure you’ll learn from them and become better. And another thing future Deanna, live in the moment and don’t think too far ahead.

-Deanna Wong June 1, 2015

Dear past Deanna,

Well 2 years later I managed to find this mini notebook and see what I wrote to myself awhile back. Past Deanna, I have certainly made some mistakes and done things I couldn’t imagine myself doing 2 years ago! I have met some of the most important people in my life these past couple years, especially this past school year. I hit the gym pretty often which is a very necessary thing in my life but I don’t exactly have access to a gym at the moment. I’ll make do this summer with @ home exercises and probably running in the mornings hopefully starting tomorrow. I kind of hit a big wall at the end of my 1st year at UCSD, I failed 2 classes and passed with a B and I’m waiting to take the other class still. My gpa definitely tanked but now I have above a 3.0 again which is my goal gpa to maintain for the rest of my years here. I see my handwriting hasn’t changed too much so I’ve reached my max as far as writing legibility. I’m cleaning out my desk right now and there are definitely a lot of old Deanna history hidden in these drawings. Hmm so I’ve left my college journal at school, but I only wrote in it probably twice this whole school year. Way to keep record of what’s happening. So something that has definitely changed my life was starting my rave life. EDM really has had an impact on me and I decided to give ecstasy a go. It is quite the euphoria, but in great moderation. Gave me the happiest feeling in the world. I’m so glad my friends have been gracious enough to let me have this experience. So I’m not saying drugs are good, but they’re sure really fun. This past spring quarter I tried shrooms and that trip definitely gave me one of the weirdest days of my life. Everything just felt sort of off, but I saw everything a bit differently visually. And then more often than not I had those nights of being drunk, stoned, or crossed af. Like I knocked out pretty hard on some nights. Next year I definitely need some self control over these type of nights. IDK if my body can handle such tough treatment anymore. Anyways I joined a frat, and now I have 2 littles in my frat. They’re super cool but I need to find a way to connect all of us next year because they’re kinda polar opposites. I don’t wanna think about this too hard though so I’ll just continue on this much needed spheal. Also an update on my love life: non-existent. I’ve been single for a solid 20 years since I’ve been alive. Also I’m 20 what... how dis happen. Going off on a tangent, I think I have found that photos are very important to me. All the memories I have captured, I can’t even begin with how blessed I feel forever with such great memories. I would say my second year of college was definitely better than my first year. I wanna stop here past Deanna since I’ve given you the gist of my college thus far. Now to write to future Deanna again.

-Deanna Wong July 12, 2017

Dear Future Deanna,

So what past Deanna said, keep living in the moment, take lots of pictures, and make more new friends, but remember to keep your old ones. Maybe try dating someone before the end of college, or not but you need a person in your life I think, or maybe I’m wrong and it’s better that you’re independent all through college. Whatever happens, happens. Also keep living your healthy life, go gym, hike, eat right, and so on. And don’t feel so bad on not so good days, stress eating gets to everyone. Try to say no to people, you can’t be influenced all the time. Otherwise you’ll never learn to have things your way. You can be helpful to people too, but sometimes you should make sure you get your own shit together first. I think you have all the tools needed to succeed in the rest of college and life, so make your choices wisely.

-Deanna Wong July 13, 2017

Dear past Deanna,

I think I’ve gotten college life down, better than my first 2 years for sure. I still am making mistakes though, kind of had some bad incidents as far as my behavior record with UCSD, but on my way to fixing that. Nothing that’ll put me on hold for graduating, I just have to deal with business and this should all be over next quarter. Long story short I passed out at an on campus event and I have some consequences to deal with but it’s all on me, I have to fix things. On the bright side, everything in my academics are right again. Above a 3.0 and I am on track to graduate by next spring. It’s really hard to write into this tiny notebook. I’m writing very intensely I’m sweating a little. It’s also not the coolest temperature. Sacramento brings the heat. In terms of my social/party life, this past year of college, and within the last quarter, has exceeded my first 2 years. Well part of the reason has been because I turned 21 this year. Legal drinking is a whole new game. You would think I can control myself at this point, but I still can’t some nights. I’ve definitely opted out of drinking a lot more this year. Self-control is getting better. A lot of seniors I grew close to this year are graduated now. It makes me really sad but I need to learn to get through this year without them. They are all going on their own paths for the future, and I wish them all the best and to visit me next year! My love life got a little bit spicier this year, but nothing drastic happened where I need to announce it. Still no girlfriend and I really want to have one more and more. Still actively using dating apps. Well just more recently since its summer now and I don’t have much else to do. Just trying to recharge myself mentally. I think a lot of things that happened this year has given me a bit of a mental drain. I think i actually like attention but I may have gotten more than I need for a year. My 21st birthday is the most extra day I’ve had in my life. Everything was funny, everyone was dressed up, and there were a lot of gifts. The best thing was all my friends being there just to celebrate my friend Nat and I turning on year older. Like it shouldn’t be that huge of a deal, but it became a big deal just because we wanted it to be. This really should be more of advice for future me like the 2 past me’s, so I’m gonna do that instead of blabbing about my life. i’m supposed to do that somewhere else. Alright it’s there, peace past me.

-Deanna Wong July 5, 2018

Dear Future Deanna,

Not sure what to say. Well if past Deanna has been able to accomplish all she has up to now, future Deanna can keep up this level of excelling life plus more. You’re literally about to enter the actual adult world after this year. You need to figure out your plan even if you don’t want to. You gotta make moves to get where you want. Such as staying home or moving out as soon as possible. Get a woman, it’s time to be more proactive about your love life because if you don’t make moves, no one’s gonna do it for you. Maybe tell people how you actually feel if you feel for them. Still have to take risks. I don’t think past Deanna has taken any REAL risks. Like a risk that makes you sweat and super anxious beforehand but could be very worth it. But you’ve always had a logical side, so maybe listen to it if it’ll make your life better in the long run. I’ll continue later but I have to eat first. You are your own grown ass adult now, speak up for what you want. You can’t let other people dictate your outcome of situations. Take control of you situation. Take control of your situation. Be a good friend. You’ve gotten better at it by leaps and bounds, but there’s always room for self-improvement. Be appreciative of how far you’ve come. Don’t beat yourself too much, you still tend to do this from time to time. Take your own advices? I don’t think you’ve had to apply this yet, but you could try giving yourself a few pointers. Keep yourself tidy. Clean your room more often when you’re at school. Things pile up, and a cleaner space tends to give you a clearer mind. Keep in touch with those you don’t see as often. You tend to spend all your time with one group of people instead of reaching out more. This is why you don’t see some people enough. Develop this skill now and it’ll translate in the future. I think I’ll keep it to this for now, you’ll gain more wisdom as you endeavor into your final months at UCSD. Stay lit, stay safe, and be you. :)

-Deanna Wong 7/30/18

This is just some back and forth between myself that I had for the first 3 years of my college life. I’ll save my last year for another post. I feel like between each year I had some improvements, but a lot of the stupid stuff I did more or less are from all my non-sober nights in college. It’s kind of the same thing over and over but just with different people and different circumstances. Looking back at everything now, I’ve really become a lot more of a stable person. I don’t regret a single moment of undergrad. Although I find it really strange I felt like I needed to have a girlfriend at some point. I honestly with so occupied with my own life that I really did not need to add someone else to the equation. And even now I’m still kind of ok with my independence, maybe a bit too ok with my independence. I think honestly the right person will just come at the right time. I really think I need to give the meeting someone in the real world a shot. Well not now since California is in a lockdown but after this pans over I’ll try to go out there and find the love of my life.

Stay safe out there y’all and don’t go spreading too many germs. I’m out gonna be raving in my house haha.

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salmonthestoryteller · 5 years

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One Flew East, One Flew West

@roswellprompts for Crash Fest 2019.

@dummythiccie - Prompt Two: A high school class with all of the characters in it I was actually super excited to get this prompt! I love writing gen fics, and writing one set in the past was the perfect playground. I hope you enjoy it!

One Flew East, One Flew West A Roswell New Mexico Fanfic

Liz paced as the clock snuck closer to the end of the lunch period.

"Liz, it isn't the end of the world." Maria tried to cheer her up.

"Maria, not only did I forget the book for American Literature, I left my notes in it.” Liz glanced at her watch again. Lunch was almost over.

“Rosa said she’d bring it, right?” Alex was lounging against the wall and seemed about as concerned as Maria. Which was not at all.

“Since when does that mean anything?” Liz crossed her arms, and continued to pace.

Maria and Alex exchanged a glance. “I’m sure she’ll be here.” Maria reassured her.

Before Liz could go into a list of the reasons she might not be, Rosa’s car pulled into the school parking lot. Liz relaxed somewhat, though she was still bouncing in place on the sidewalk waiting for the car to pull up next to her. She opened the door to lean inside. “Gracias, Rosa, I-” Liz cut off, coughing. “Seriously? How can you breathe in here?”

“I have the windows open.” Rosa pointed out. Her posture was loose, and her eyes slightly unfocused.

“Are you drunk or just high?” Liz asked her, grabbing up the book from the front seat angrily.

“I’m not that high. Chill, little miss perfect.”

“This isn’t funny, Rosa. What if Valenti pulls you over?”

“Well, I mean his son his still drooling over my sister, maybe he’ll cut me some slack.”

“Rosa, seriously you-- just tell me Dad and Mom didn’t see you like this.”

“As if any of us have seen Mom for the last week.” Rosa reminded her.

The bell rung. Liz slammed the door shut and stormed inside without replying. Alex and Maria exchanged looks, and Alex followed Liz.

“You could not fight with her.” Maria suggested, leaning on the driver’s side window.

“She’s so uptight.” Rosa replied. “Seriously.”

“You know how she gets when your mom does this.”

“She has her way of dealing and I have mine. Don’t even care right now where she is. I feel great.”

Rosa’s words only made Maria’s expression more concerned. “I’ve got to get to class. Drive safe, okay?”

“Pfft. I think I obeyed every traffic law getting here. I didn’t even california roll that stupid stop sign on seventh.” Rosa told her. Maria looked like she wanted to say more, but Rosa waved her off. “I’m good. Don’t be late for class or Liz will blame me.”

“We can hang out later, okay?” Maria promised, before heading inside.

-----

“So you took notes?” Alex kept his tone light as he fell into step beside her in the school hallway.

“I always take notes.” Liz replied, still tense from the fight with Rosa.

“It’s literature, Liz. Not chemistry. I’m sure you can remember the plot just fine.”

“Last year, I heard Mr. Williams failed a student for not citing enough in book references for her report. You know what he’s always saying.”

“You mean the whole, “If you think you can watch the movie version and fill out one of my quizzes, you’re wrong” schtick? Yah, I’m pretty sure that's an exaggeration.” Alex offered her a grin.

“What if it’s not?” Liz told him as they entered the classroom and took their seats. “It could affect my whole GPA.”

“You do realise you have another whole year before graduation?” Alex reminded her.

“You can’t slack off and make it up in one year. They look at the whole record.” Liz told him.

“Seriously?” Isobel was seated on MIchael’s desk near the back. “Please tell me we are not discussing colleges when Homecoming is less than two weeks away.”

“Some people take this stuff seriously, Iz.” Michael lectured her. He had a notebook out, but whatever he was scribbling didn’t look like it was related to the American Literature class.

“I didn’t realize you were part of the conversation.” Liz mentioned, keeping her smile intact though she sounded slightly annoyed.

“Iz thinks she’s part of every conversation.” Max moved to diffuse the situation, taking his seat in front of Michael.

“Just the ones that are actually important.” As if to emphasize the point, Isobel got up and returned to her seat. A few of the girls from the class quickly gathered around her. Liz rolled her eyes and took her own seat.

“I see you got your notes.” Max pointed out.

“Yah, Rosa came through.” Liz’s expression was still far from happy.

Max glanced at Alex, who gave a small shake of his head. “We were discussing whether notes were necessary in literature class.” He offered in way of moving the conversation forward.

“Well, yah, of course they are.” Max gestured to his own notebook.

“Puh-lease. So unnecessary.” Michael commented, despite still being engrossed in his own notebook. Alex found himself trying to peer at the pages, but he was keeping it in his lap and the desk was blocking even though Isobel had moved away.

“You and that big brain of yours don’t count.” Max told him.

“You can probably quote every book we’ve been assigned for this class.” Michael glanced up at him. “You’ve read every one.”

“That’s cuz Evans is a loser who doesn’t know the meaning of the word fun.” Kyle glanced back from his seat toward the front. Max’s mouth twisted, but he didn’t respond. “Nothing to say, Evans?”

“Leave him alone, Kyle.” Liz spoke up.

Kyle shrugged. “I’m just giving advice. Not my fault if I think Evans needs to loosen up a little.”

“My brother is just an exception to the “Girls mature faster than boys rule” that you are so clearly demonstrating.” Isobel spoke up from her desk.

“Or maybe all the Evans are just a little bit frigid.” Kate Long put in from where she was standing with the group around Kyle’s desk.

“You want to start something with me, Kate?” Isobel leaned forward. “I mean your brand of fun seems to keep landing you in detention rather than on the homecoming board. Which, oh right, you’re banned from going to, aren’t you? Doesn’t sound like you’re much fun to me.”

“You little-!”

“Hey, hey.” Maria had just entered, and quickly pulled Kate back from where she was heading toward Isobel. “What is going on in here?”

“A badly cliched teen drama plot?” Alex offered her. Isobel and Kate both shot glares his way.

The bell rang again, and Maria let go of Kate to take her seat by Liz. She offered a smile to her best friend, who returned it before focusing on her notes. A glance back at Alex earned a shrug, and she nodded in return.

“Everyone who is not in their seats in the next thirty seconds just earned themselves a special assignment.” Mr Williams walked into the classroom. The students still milling around other desks quickly grabbed their seats. “I’m not even going to pretend half of you read the first five chapters of the book like instructed. So let’s see if you even recall what book you’re on… Mr Valenti?”

Kyle turned back from where he’d been talking to the friend at the desk behind him. “The one about the looney bin.” He offered. His friends laughed at the joke, as did a few other students.

“The one about the looney bin. Well, I can’t say I recall that title being on my reading list this semester.” Mr Williams crossed his arms. “Care to try again or should I just assume you didn’t read anything besides the synopsis on the assignment papers?”

Kyle rolled his eyes, hesitating a moment before answering. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

“Glad to see you actually managed to read the title on the front at least.” Mr Williams circled the desk. “Now did anyone get so far as who can tell me the main character? Ms Long?”

“McMurphy.” Kate answered.

“I take it you and your friends watched part of the movie this weekend?”

“I-” She began to object, but Mr Williams spoke over her.

“Ms Ortecho? Who’s the main character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?”

“Chief.” Liz offered. “He’s the one the book’s narrative is told from.”

“But McMurphy is who everything is about.” Kate disagreed.

“McMurphy is going to disrupt the ward, but that doesn’t make him the main character.” Max jumped in. “He’s the static character. Chief is the one who will change.”

“Reading ahead of the class, Mr Evans?” Mr Williams asked pointedly.

Max played with the edges of the notebook in front of him.. “I, um… I’ve actually read the book previously.”

“Shocking.” Kyle whispered to the group near him.

“Something to say, Mr Valenti?” Mr Williams turned to him.

“Just curious if there’s an assignment in this class Evans hasn’t read, honestly.” Kyle offered. When his friends snickered, Max only sat back with a sigh.

“Have something productive to add to the conversation about the actual assignment or do think my class is a waste of time for you?”

The classroom fell deathly silent. “Just that I really didn’t find any of the characters very interesting, to be honest.” Kyle offered. “Or relative to modern society.”

“It’s about society.” Michael broke in. “It’s about how fucked up society is.”

A few snickers followed his words, and Mr Williams sighed. “Mr Guerin, language.”

“I agree with him.” Alex spoke up. “That’s the whole point of the story. How society is prejudice against anything that doesn’t fit its current viewpoint on normal. That’s as relative today as when the book was written.”

“Call me surprised, Manes, that that’s your take.” Kyle glowered at him. “All things considered.”

“Alright, break it up.” Mr Williams sat behind his desk. “I’m hoping all of you remembered to actually bring the book to class, because if it’s not with you today I’ve got a great extra assignment for you.”

Liz sent Alex and Maria a look that plainly said, “I told you so.”

“We’re starting on chapter six. And I suggest those of you who haven't read the first five chapters get them read before the quiz at the end of the week. Who wants to start?”

Fini

#crashfest #roswell new mexico #rnm fic

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dickinsonstate · 5 years

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An interview with Dickinson State’s 2019 Outstanding Graduate Award winners

Allisha Dworshak (left) and Thomas Sease (right) receiving the Outstanding Graduate awards from DSU Heritage Foundation Executive Director Ty Orton.

Allisha Dworshak and Thomas Sease were named Dickinson State University’s (DSU) 2019 Outstanding Graduates at the Outstanding Graduate awards ceremony held Friday, May 10, in the Student Center Ballroom. Implemented in 1981, the Outstanding Graduate Award is the highest honor bestowed on two graduating seniors by the University. Dworshak and Sease were nominated along with 18 other students by faculty in their academic departments for exceptional performance in their fields of study.

Congratulations on receiving the 2019 Outstanding Graduate Awards! What does this recognition mean to you?

Dworshak: I am honored to have received one of the 2019 Outstanding Graduate Awards. This recognition means to me that I made a positive impact on those around me during my time at Dickinson State University. It indicates that all of my hard work did not go unnoticed. I consider this recognition especially special as all of the nominees this year were, without a doubt, amazing candidates and deserving of this award.

Sease: This award truly means everything to me. I am extremely humbled and honored that the committee would even consider me for this prestigious award. That being said, I would like to congratulate all nominees and graduates knowing there were many others who were just as deserving of this award.

Why did you choose to attend Dickinson State University?

Dworshak: The three main factors that led to my decision to attend Dickinson State University were as follows: tuition cost, degrees offered, and the rodeo program.

Sease: I decided to come to DSU because it was one of the only schools that was going to allow me to participate in football and track. At the time, I took pride in being a well-rounded athlete and person. Furthermore, both of these programs emphasized the importance of academics as a student athlete. This included teaching the skills necessary to be successful as an athlete, a student, and as a member of this close knit community.

Is there a certain professor who had an impact on you while you studied at DSU?

Dworshak: Amy Kass, assistant professor of accounting, unquestionably is the professor who had the greatest impact on me while I studied at DSU. Professor Kass was not only my academic advisor but also my Phi Beta Lambda advisor. I had the pleasure of getting to know Professor Kass on a personal level and love her passion, energy and drive. She has a kind soul, a fun personality, and is always willing to offer a helping hand.

Sease: The professor that I looked up to the most at Dickinson State was my mentor Dr. Wendy Wilson. Dr. Wilson consistently went above and beyond for all of her students demonstrating commitment, passion, and enthusiasm in the classroom. At one point, Dr. Wilson was the only faculty member in the Psychology department and willingly taught on an overloaded schedule for more than 2 years. Having a mentor like her has inspired me as a student to want to teach at the college level in hope of influencing students’ lives in the same way she did for me.

What is your favorite memory from your time here?

Dworshak: It would be extremely difficult to pinpoint one exact favorite memory from DSU. I have made numerous great memories at DSU. Some of my favorite memories include national trips for organizations such as Phi Beta Lambda, Farm Bureau, and Student Senate, the many memories made during college rodeo weekends, and the simple memories of just rolling in laughter with fellow classmates and professors who I now consider my best friends.

Sease: In retrospect, my most fond memories at DSU came from the extracurricular activities I was able to be a part of. Within these organizations, I was able to meet people who I will always consider as life-long friends. These individuals gave me a feeling of connectedness and held me accountable for my actions. These individuals also acted as my support system throughout my days at DSU.

Do you have any advice for incoming freshman?

Dworshak: My advice to incoming freshman is to get involved. Take advantage of everything that is offered to you as a student. Join clubs and organizations, attend events, and get to know the people around you.

Sease: My advice to incoming freshman would be to get involved. Whether that be through sports, clubs, research, or any other extracurricular activity. It is these activities that will help you develop lifelong skills that go far beyond the classroom. Additionally, take advantage of every opportunity available. Not all people get the chance to attend college so cherish every day of it. You truly can do anything you set your mind to.

How have you grown as a person during your time at Dickinson State?

Dworshak: I have grown as a person during my time at DSU by learning the importance of having a lifelong commitment to serving others and the fact that you can always push past your limits.

Sease: Coming into DSU as a freshman I would describe myself as the stereotypical jock. I did not care about school or even how I presented myself as a person. My primary concern was being eligible to participate in Football and Track. Now, however, I have found meaning outside of sports and value the importance of putting others needs before my own. During my time at Dickinson State, I was able to develop skills such as work-ethic, resilience, compassion and professionalism. All characteristics needed to be a contributing member of society.

What are you most proud of when you look back at your time at DSU?

Dworshak: I am most proud of the impact I made on the DSU Phi Beta Lambda Chapter and the success I achieved as an individual, as well as the success our chapter achieved on a state and national level.

Sease: I am most proud of how I was able to develop myself as a person throughout my time at DSU. As I stated earlier, I was nothing more than a naïve 18 year old child walking through these doors the first time. Five years later, I am walking out these doors as a completely different person. It was with the help of my teachers, coaches, and friends that I was able to redefine myself for the better.

What helped you the most in accomplishing your goals at DSU?

Dworshak: Time management paired with drive to get things done to the best of my ability are what helped me accomplish my goals at DSU.

Sease: The people within the walls of Dickinson State are what helped me most. Dickinson is a very special space. There appears to be an unmatched level of connectedness between its students, faculty and alumni. The community also does a great job of getting behind those who attend DSU. As a student, to see so many people come together for the love of a small town college is nothing short of remarkable. This support makes students really feel at home and enables them to do their best.

What was the most difficult thing for you as a college student, and how did you overcome it?

Dworshak: The most difficult thing to overcome as a college student is trying to find a balance between school, work, and still have a social life. I attempted to overcome this challenge by making sure I was focused when completing coursework, not working an excessive number of hours to ensure I would be able to maintain my GPA to retain scholarships and making time to go out and have fun with friends.

Sease: The most difficult thing I had to overcome in college was failure. I think this is probably something that all college students struggle with initially. It is a horrible feeling. However, I began to grow as a person once I realized that failing is just a part of the process. It took me almost 5 years to realize that it is not our failures that define who we are but instead how we respond to these failures. It is about having the courage to push oneself far enough to fail that really speaks volumes about one’s true character.

What did you enjoy most about being a Blue Hawk?

Dworshak: The thing I enjoyed most about being a Blue Hawk was the feeling of putting on that blue and grey vest and representing my school while doing something that I loved. I enjoyed the people I got to meet and the friends that turned into family.

Sease: What I enjoyed most about being a Blue Hawk was the continuous pursuit of excellence. Whether that be on the field, in the classroom, or in the lab. Although difficult to describe, people from Dickinson State just do things a little bit differently. This was one of the first things I noticed coming into college as a wide eyed freshman. They take the upmost pride in their work, always strive to do their best, and do not make excuses when things do not go their way. Therefore, I am extremely proud to be associated with such a respected group of individuals.

What are your plans after graduation?

Dworshak: After Graduation I plan on attending Law School. I have applied and been accepted to Iowa City, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and the University of North Dakota. I have decided to attend UND-School of Law. Upon graduating from law school, I plan on practicing law full time. Over time, I aspire to become a partner in the firm. After I have been a partner for many years, I plan on running for governor. After serving a term as governor, I plan on applying for a judgeship. Upon completion, I plan to become a respected judge.

Sease: After graduation I will be immediately continuing my research related to substance abuse. It is my hope to develop a single construct that is able to predict treatment efficacy for those struggling with addiction. In the fall, I will be attending the University of Louisiana while taking classes from the Psychology and Biology department. This will allow me to take an interdisciplinary approach as a future clinician.

What will you take from DSU as you move on into the future?

Dworshak: The most important thing I will take with me as I move into the next chapter of my life is the valuable connections I have made at DSU. I will also take with me the work ethic and study habits I learned during my time at DSU.

Sease: Things I will take with me from DSU include the skills required to be successful in the next level of my education. Dickinson State in general does a great job of preparing students for life after college whether that be continuing their education or entering the work force. To be at an undergraduate institution with so many administrators, faculty, and staff dedicated to higher education is truly a blessing and something I will never take for granted. I want to thank all of those who helped me over the past 5 years, I will never forget what you did for me.

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korstudies · 6 years

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College And Anxiety

When I was in high school, I had a friend who went absolutely everywhere with me. We would sit in the morning and wait for classes to start together, we would meet up between every class. She would skip into my class and I would skip into hers and this kind of mutual co-dependency can be scary but for someone who has severe social anxiety, it was actually pretty comforting. Somehow we kept up this act of class-dodging, teacher-fooling acrobatics for nearly four years without being caught and still managed to graduate with 3.5 GPAs. This ill-advised scheme we had developed between the two of us kept us from being overwhelmed by schoolwork, the school itself, and the people in it. While I have moved around a lot, somehow, I always found another companion with the same issues of being alone in public as I had and that made the struggle somewhat easier.

However, we ended up going to different colleges so there I was on the first week of school facing a few facts that I had avoided for 19 years of my life:

I did not know how to make friends and I had held myself back from ever developing this skill through chronic shyness and awkward platonic attachments along with the near agile aptitude that I had developed for never having to speak unless it was utterly necessary.

I had no idea how to go places alone. (My over-protective family had this social handicap covered entirely.)

It is not so easy to find an anchor when you are dropped in a place with thousands of other people who don’t know you and have absolutely no motivation to talk to you.

I had gotten through school by barely forming any lasting social bonds.

Fortunately for me, I am only 19 and so I took it upon myself to correct these inadequacies before I reached an age where they would be irreversible. I looked at social interaction in the same way I look at posture: If you can fix it before you're thirty, then you're not too late. Some people never catch themselves on this. When I asked my grandma, for example, “how do you make friends?” she promptly replied to me with “I don’t.” and while her response was met with a ton of laughs from myself, I was slightly worried that I would find myself in the same place at her age. That being said, Here are my top 3 tips for making friends in college (when you know no one and just don't want to be alone):

No one cares. Okay, so this tip may seem counter-intuitive to begin with since one of the main worries of anxiety for some people is that you're alone and no one cares about you or no one likes you, however, I mean this in the best way possible. During my first week of college, I saw a boy wipe out on his skateboard on the wet breeze-way just after a light shower. While I remember this happening, I have absolutely no recollection of who the boy was or what he looked like. If he were to walk up to me today, I would have no idea that was him. This is one of the big differences between high school and college. Unless someone knows you personally or you do something like commit murder (don't commit murder for notoriety. I've gathered that it typically doesn't go as planned.) no one is ever going to know that you tripped over the third step in front of the library and spilled your dunkin' donuts or that you dance in the elevator on your way to class when you're alone or that you locked yourself out of your dorm room once when you went to take a shower before a talent show. (all of these things have happened to me and a cute boy saw me doing the last one but team #noshame) In high school, things were majorly a popularity contest and while you will encounter this same primary, predatory hierarchy somewhere else in life, college probably won't be that place. At least, not during your first year. The thing about college is that while high school was about being better than everyone else, college is just about being the best you that you can be. In high school, everyone was worried about being pretty or cool or...whatever the kids want these days but in college, people are mainly just worried about getting their shit done on time and well and graduating. Whether or not some dorky girl dances on her way to do her laundry, doesn't matter to them. In college, no one cares and everyone minds their own business and it is beautiful. Sure, every now and then you will come across with spiteful people who will go out of their way to be awful but it's rare and they should be given no merit since they are simply being spiteful because of their own issues. Pull an old lady move and offer them some hard candy and move along.

Join a club. This one seems like a no-brainer but it can be a pretty daunting task. If you have social anxiety, walking into a room full of people who are probably close to each other and don't know you, at all, can be utterly terrifying, however, joining a club will help. In high school, people make friends due to obligation and proximity, but in college, there's no obligation to spend time with anyone unless they're in a club with you. This may seem to defeat the purpose of making lasting friends in college but it isn't. If you choose the right club with something you genuinely care about or are interested in then you're more likely to make lasting friends with them. Another factor that will help you make friends is the fact that friendship tends to be a chain reaction. If you make friends with people, you will most likely make friends with their friends and so on and so forth.

Live On Campus. There’s two reasons for this. Partially because you can't be late to class if you're already there and partially because everyone loves those apartment building cute-meets and that's exactly what a dorm building is, a slightly smaller apartment building. Now, I’m not saying that you’re gonna meet the love of your life or your future maid-of-honor here since it’s (like I mentioned before) a friend of circumstance situation but you’ll definitely meet some pretty good people here, especially if your school has a roommate matching service. Since international students most likely live on campus, you’re also more likely to meet some new and unique people here that aren’t necessarily from your country or area which is really nice because new things are great! (This also means you won’t be late to class and will bump into people in your classes more but that’s less of a focus.)

Show Up To Class Early. Showing up to class early can put you in some different situations. In high school, you had less than ten minutes between each class every day. College is not like that, at all, the time between classes varies but normally, colleges won’t schedule two classes in the same room back to back and even if they did, your classmates will be outside. Something important to remember is that college is costing everyone there money, so people will normally be on-time to class or they won’t show up at all. While the few minutes before class where you may have passing conversations with your classmates seems super insignificant and like it doesn’t matter, I assure you, that’s probably not the case. These small conversations can lead to other things and you may even have more than one class together (this is more likely if you’re an undergrad).

Be open about your interests. This one is a little difficult. It can be trecherous territory trying to balance talking about yourself and finding more out about the other person but this is the only way that people find common interests. A good way to think about it is to tackle every conversation like the popular improve game: Yes and? This is a good thought to use when you try reciprocating most things. Basically, when someone asks you a question, you respond with your answer + a little something extra as your “Yes” then ask them something about themselves as your “and?” Here’s an example conversation:

A Person you just met: What classes are you taking?

You: Oh, Basic Philosophy. I was really inspired by a book I read called Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. Do you read a lot?

Obviously, you don’t want to do this for a long time and in every conversation, but it should be enough to get you started!

These tips are just something to get you started in your journey to making more friends and exploring adult life! Until next time, signing off!

#mine #studyblr #studyblr podcast #college studyspo #college studyblr #college advice #college tips

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brightbeautifulthings · 5 years

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You Asked For Perfect by Laura Silverman

"There's this thing AP kids do. We act like we don't care, like those perfect grades appear without effort. We pretend to study only in the five minutes before class, and we shrug our shoulders when teachers hand back tests with As scrawled across the top. But we also make sure to keep those tests flipped up on our desks, so everyone can see how smart we are and just how naturally it comes."

Year Read: 2018

Rating: 3/5

Context: I received a free e-ARC through NetGalley from the publishers at Sourcebooks Fire, who can pretty much always be counted on to publish lovely and diverse YA novels. Trigger warnings: anxiety.

About: Ariel is a high school student poised to be valedictorian, first chair in violin, and accepted to an Ivy League university, but it all hinges on him maintaining a perfect GPA for his senior year. When a failed calculus quiz threatens to ruin his plans, he throws himself even harder into studying. The more the sleepless nights and canceled plans pile up, the further his grades start to slip until he’s forced to find a tutor. Amir is great at calculus, and his family has been friends with Ariel's for years. Ariel doesn't have time to add a relationship to his list of things to do, but the more he gets to know him, the more he realizes that Amir is nothing like he thought.

Thoughts: This is a solid contemporary novel with a strong theme and a diverse cast. It expertly handles the pressure and anxiety students face, in ever-increasing amounts, to do well in school and get into a great college. I found it easy to relate to Ariel, since I was also a wreck at seventeen, and I had a fraction of his commitments. School shouldn't be that taxing until graduate school, and maybe not even then. There's a damaging culture in academia where everyone pretends they have their shit together, even when they're maximum-level stressed, and it's well-represented in the book. Silverman offers no easy solutions for these problems, and I like that about the novel. Ariel's healing process is slow, with an emphasis on family, religion, and strong relationships. While the tension in the book is never that high, it shows realistic problems with realistic solutions.

The characters are wonderfully diverse. Ariel and his family are Jewish, and there’s attention to the language, food, and holidays in the story. Amir and his family are Muslim and Pakistani, and Ariel's best friend Sook is a chubby Korean bisexual. Ariel is a flawed and three-dimensional main character; he makes mistakes, but his heart is usually in the right place. Ariel and Amir's relationship is one of the major threads of the novel, and it's really cute. It's a slow enough burn that we see them getting to know each other, and like the rest of the book, they work realistically through their problems. Their families are important aspects of both their lives, which is necessary (but surprisingly rare) for fiction about high school kids. Ariel's family relationships are some of the most important in the novel, and they're overwhelmingly positive. While I didn't fall in love with this book, it's very well done and I'd absolutely recommend it for fans of contemporary YA without the excessive drama.

#book review #you asked for perfect #laura silverman #sourcebooks fire #lgbtq fiction #diverse fiction #ya contemporary #netgalley #3/5 #rating: 3/5 #2018

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thatrandogirl · 6 years

Text

Real Advice For Freshman Year

By an incoming Sophomore

- If you need to memorize something, instead of cramming half an hour before, do it 10 minutes every day over the corse of a week, it gets in your long term memory and it's much easier to remember

- Drama will happen, being with people you care about for around 35 hours a week will inevitably result in some arguments and fights. Just try to not do anything rash while you're mad, remember to keep a calm head, apologize for things that you did wrong, and try to avoid it if possible in the future if you were in the wrong on something. But if you always have fights with someone or they deliberately argue with you for no reason, consider dropping them, you don't need that in your life. It doesn't matter how long you've known them, if they aren't good for you, drop them.

- Try not to procrastinate, it will be the death of you. If you have a 2 page paper due at the end of the week don't do the whole thing the night before it's due, work on it bit by bit throughout the week. But procrastination is inevitable. It's not the worst thing you can do but I don't recommend it.

- Get enough sleep.

- Aim to wake up at a reasonable time so if you're ever late you have time if you rush.

- About waking up, know when to wake up and know when is the absolute latest you can wake up without being too late, set an alarm for when you regularly wake up and a different alarm sound for the absolute latest so if you wake up at the absolute latest alarm you know to get the fuck up.

- Always carry pads with you if you have a vagina. Not just for you but let your other friends know you have them. The worst thing is getting your period and having no pad and it's a lifesaver if someone else can lend one so you don't have to suffer the whole day. You will be in that position a few times in your life and you will need to borrow a pad from someone so be that someone for others having an emergency. Guys this is also for y'all too, if you have friends who go through Satan's waterfall once a month and you can, keep a pad or two in your backpack and let them know you have one if they need it. Getting your period unprepared is the worst thing.

- Mind your manners, don't be rude

- This should go without saying but if you do drugs don't let your teachers know, this comes from experience, most of them really don't care if you smoke weed on your own time but if you tell them they have to report you. Keep it to yourself.

- Do your summer homework, it starts the year off on a good note, and it gives a good impression if you have it ready on the first day.

- Highschool isn't a bad as you think it will be, it's really chill, hang out with people you like, do things you like, and it won't be that bad. The best way I've heard it described is that it's just a bunch of sleep deprived kids trying not to get yelled at by their parents.

- Maybe it's different in your school but upperclassmen really don't care about underclassmen. They aren't going to bully you, they honestly probably don't care about you, they're just trying to get their grade and leave.

- Find a club you like and join it if possible. It looks better on college applications and it occupies you and gives you a sense of purpose.

- Do your homework, it really adds up if you don't do it and it will kick your ass of you try to make it all up the week before grades are due.

- Worry about yourself before you worry about other people.

- Talk to your teachers if you have a chance to, if they know you can be civil and normal with them they'll be better grading you. Remember they're normal people with lives outside of the classroom. If you don't particularly dislike them it's a good idea to befriend them in a way so they're nicer to you.

- If you need to turn something in and it's half way done, turn it in. Half credit will ALWAYS be better than no credit. Take the credit you can get.

- Highschool movies are lies highschool isn't really anything like that.

- Sounds cheesy but be yourself. You might have to put yourself out there a little bit just be yourself. In my experience if you're just yourself you will find others like you and you and people like you will gravitate to each other. They might not always be the perfect person but you might find some good people like that.

- A tip I've used is if you need to figure out something's symbolism, mainly in English, but if they ask you like what's an abject that symbolizes this character, look up flower language and just look for a flower that matches their personality and use that, it's quick and makes you look good.

- Have something to do in your free time other than your phone because sometimes you might not be able to use it but you'll have free time in a class so do your homework, or if you don't have any, have a book to read or a coloring page or something so you won't be bored out of your mind. Having to sit in a chair doing nothing for an hour is extremely annoying.

- Know where you're going in the hallway, stick to the correct side to avoid traffic.

- Physical fights aren't worth it, avoid them if they're not necessary but if you need to defend yourself don't hesitate to do so.

- Self care is important. Maybe buy yourself a bath bomb and save it for a particularly hard week and take a long bath. Maybe call your friend and talk to them after school. Maybe instead of starting on your homework as soon as possible put it off a few hours and read a book to destress. Life is twice as hard to get through if you're stressed the whole time. Take time for yourself if you need it. Know what your mind needs to stave off the stress that you will get about school, life, and family.

- Take a minute before you go to sleep and lay out your outfit for the next day. Especially if you need to wear something specific the next day like a uniform or a color. It saves you time in the morning and since you're not in a zombie fog after waking up you're less likely to forget something.

- HOMEWORK FOLDER. Get a folder, put it in your main binder or backpack or whatever. Label the left side "Unfinished" and the right side "Completed", when you get a homework assignment put it in the left side, when you get halfway through an assignment put it in the left side, when you finish a homework assignment put it in the right side, when your teacher gives you a worksheet and says "have this for next class don't lose it" put it in the right side. Put everything in there and you won't lose it. I can't guarantee you'll do it that's up to you but you'll know where it is. And it's so satisfying to see a thin left side and a thick right side.

- Just because you got all As in middle school doesn't mean you'll get all As in highschool, it's a lot harder and the grading is stricter. Don't panic the first time you get a B.

- Try to stay on top of your grades. It's a lot easier to maintain a good grade than it is to boost a bad grade. That is 100% personal experience.

- If you get a bad grade on something that you tried your best at or were proud of it'll hurt, but just remember that doesn't define you. It's easier to write off a bad grade if you didn't put in as much effort but seeing a grade you don't love on something you worked hard at is disheartening. Don't loose hope, it might not be with you it might just be the teacher was looking for something different or you just didn't do as well as you hoped. Take the bad experience and work harder and smarter next time.

- Stay on top of your easy grades especially. In my gym class as long as we dress in our uniform and do something we'll get credit, so it's my easiest class to get an A in. So if you get a good grade with minimal effort take it and it'll be a much needed boost for your GPA.

- Set realistic long term and short term goals for yourself. They'll help you, give you something to work towards, and put you in a good mood when you achieve them. For example my long term goal is to graduate highschool and get into a college I'm okay with with at least a partial scholarship. My short term goal is to do as much of my homework as possible and to get higher than a 80% in every class I can.

- Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard. Know what you're good and and know what you're not so good at, adjust your goals accordingly. If you're not very good at science don't set your goal for science class as a 95% or higher set it at 80% or higher. My goal that I go for is to try my best to get a B or higher in every quarter grade, the grades are good and it's not impossibly stressing me out if I get a bad grade on a quiz and it brings my grade down 2 points.

- Try to remember that as much as you have the right to drop people who are toxic or not good for you from your life, other people are allowed to drop you just the same. It might be your fault it might not. As long as they don't do it in a bad way respect their decision. I feel like this self care culture doesn't pay enough attention to that part of life. Sometimes you aren't good for people weather you did something or not and you're going to have to accept it. It hurts but other people deserve to be happy just as much as you weather you're in their happiness or not. If they do it in a bad way yes you can be mad at them, if they do it in a good way you're allowed to hurt, but keep it in mind.

- Try to find something that motivates you or inspires you. Maybe it's a song or a piece of art or an episode in a show you like, have that and look or listen to it whenever you feel lost or something important is about to happen. Mine is a speech by Neil Gaimen in 2012 called "Make Good Art"

That's all I can think of right now I'll almost certainly add more later as I think of them. Feel free to add more yourself if I missed anything. Good luck to all the freshmen! I hope this helps you

#high school #high school advice #freshmen #freshman #9th grade #underclassmen #advice

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