#like i don’t think i have any fertility risk the women in my family get pregnant fast and easy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

celebrities-imagines · 3 years

Note

Could we get a emily prentiss x reader were the reader tells emily SHES pregnat and emily Is all happy

A Not So Secret, Secret

Thanks for the request, sorry it took so long. Hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x fem reader

Summary: Emily didn’t think she could be happier after the two of you married, but somehow it’s possible after hearing about the new addition to the family.

Warnings: Pregnancy, a bit of angst at first, mentions of miscarriage, and like one or two swear words.

Words: 1.9k

It was supposed to be your day off, just you and Emily. One day as a normal married couple. Not two FBI profiles who barely had a social life.

You couldn't help but groan as Emily stirred beside you, tangling her body further with yours. You kissed her shoulder whispering a "sorry" on her skin before untangling yourself.

There was no way out of it, so you picked up the phone and cursed everything when Hotch's voice came through.

The two of you couldn't hide your disappointment as you grabbed your go-bags and headed over to work.

You were the last two to arrive.

Hotch briefed you all when you got on the plane, mentioning Texas and 5 bodies, but that's all you caught. You could hardly hear over the sound of your stomach beginning to reject the Chinese you eat for dinner last night.

———————————————————————

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes, praying you could keep the food down. If you couldn't, you'd cause a scene. Even if Emily was the only one who didn't know.

You could feel her eyes on you, so you gave a small smile. Hopefully, you just seemed tired. It was 7 am after all.

She gave your hand a small squeeze.

Images of a month ago played in your mind.

After missing your period again, you had to face the hunch you'd had for a few weeks now. You took the test. You were more than surprised to see it was positive.

How could you not be surprised?

Weeks before that you'd gone to a fertility doctor and decided on a sperm donor. Emily was on a case and couldn't come, but had confided in you before she left she'd rather you carry the baby, and you happily agreed.

Unfortunately, at the doctor's they informed you that your fertility was lower than average. Therefore, you were more at risk for miscarriages and less likely to conceive.

The doctor made it clear that it still wasn't impossible to have kids, just more difficult.

You were extremely discouraged by the news, worried you were ruining your future with Emily.

They told you not to get discouraged, it rarely happened the first time for anyone anyway, and there was still a chance you could get pregnant.

You went home that day, defeated, feeling hopeless and lonely, but you didn't tell Emily about your low fertility, afraid you'd upset her.

But nowhere you were. A positive pregnancy test in hand. You couldn't wrap your head around how it was possible.

Excitement bubbled in your chest at the thought of telling Emily the news. But with the doctor's words echoing in your head, more likely to miscarry, your excitement quickly disappeared.

You knew Emily would be thrilled. She had told you on more than one occasion how excited she was to start a family.

Still, the fear of losing this child and disappointing Emily was so deep you just couldn't tell her.

Not then at least.

Your eyes shot open. The churning of your stomach only seemed to worsen as you got higher in the air.

You swallowed hard, trying to focus on Rossi's story, but you only caught bits and pieces. Your spotty vision could make out smiles, so you smiled too.

You just hoped your face wasn't as pale as it felt. Convincing a plane of profilers you were fine wasn't easy, and the look JJ shot you every few seconds was her way of asking, "how are you feeling?" Which you knew she knew the answer to.

She had been the only person you'd confided in, considering she had gone through it all before.

You had a sneaking suspicion they all knew though. Spencer had started giving random pregnancy facts, which earned him a death glare every time. Derek started calling you mama more, with too much emphasis on the word. Hotch gave you a meaningful look every time you rushed past him to the bathroom in the early morning, and you weren't entirely convinced Rossi didn't know before you, somehow. The only other person besides Emily who didn't know was Penelope, which you were sure of. If Penelope knew then the whole FBI would know.

The smell of bacon hit your nose causing your stomach to somersault. You glared at Derek, who was just about to take a bite of his bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, but one look at you and he decided against it, putting it away.

You swallowed hard again, trying to push back the vomit creeping up your throat.

"You okay (Y/n)? You look a little pale." Emily whispered in your ear, forcing you to stop concentrating on not puking.

You gave a weak smile, nodding your head.

"I don't believe you." Her eyebrows had creased together.

"Em, I'm-" Talking had been a big mistake.

You jumped up from the seat. All eyes were on you, 5 looks of pity, and one of concern, but you didn't care. You knew there was no chance of you pushing the vomit down.

Your shaky legs bolted to the bathroom, barely closing the door before you spilled your guts. It was a relief to finally get it all out.

You slumped against the toilet. Any other time you would've been grossed out by your face touching the toilet seat, but it was cooling your sweaty face.

You didn't realize you were crying at first. Not until you lifted your heavy head off the toilet seat and felt the cool drops of water slipping down your face.

What was wrong with you?

You were pregnant your first time trying; after being told you'd have trouble, living the dreams of thousands of women in the same situation.

Why weren't you glowing? Why couldn't you just tell Emily, she'd be ecstatic?

"(Y/n), sweetheart," you jumped at the sound of Emily's voice.

Didn't you lock that door? How long had she been standing there?

"Hey Em," you gave a half-hearted smile, but it was pointless. You hadn't bothered to wipe the tears.

She closed the door behind her. It locked for real this time with a click.

The small bathroom left little room for the two of you, and when Emily slid down beside you your knees knocked together.

"You're scaring me (Y/n)," she placed a soft kiss on your head. "All of the throwing up, and mood swings. You've been so antsy recently.

So she had noticed. "I'm sorry," you said, followed by more tears. "I promise I'm not sick or anything."

"I know."

"So why are you scared." You fidgeted with your fingers, nervous about the direction of this conversation.

"Because my wife has been pregnant for a month and is too afraid to tell me. And I can't for the life of me figure out why she'd keep that from me."

Your head whipped towards hers so fast you almost smashed it right into her forehead. "Y-you knew the whole time," you gulped.

"Of course I did!" She exclaimed. "First of all I'm a profiler it's my job to notice. Second of all, you're my wife, I love you. It's my job to notice.

Your cheeks flushed crimson. The whole time you thought you were fooling her, you were just fooling yourself.

"So...do you care to explain why you didn't tell me. Did you not want to tell me," her voice cracked, but she cleared her throat quickly to cover it.

You guiltily chewed on your lip. Emily had known for a month and probably wondered every day why her wife couldn't tell her such exciting news.

"No, no of course not," you squeaked.

"(Y/n), angel, please. What is it? Why couldn't you tell me?"

You took a deep breath. "When I went to the fertility clinic the doctor told me my fertility was a little below average. There's a chance I could have a miscarriage," you sobbed.

Emily turned her body so the two of you were somehow closer. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay," she said, pressing you to her body.

"I'm sorry. I want this for us. I want to be happy, but I'm just so scared I'll mess this up."

"Look at me (Y/n). You're not going to mess anything up. Women miscarry all the time. For some awful reason, it's part of life. It's nobody's fault."

Emily wiped a tear off your cheek. You didn't say anything, just watched her.

"Don't profile me," a crooked smile found her lips.

You smiled back. "I wasn't."

"Listen, I know you're scared. I am too, but we have to take it a day at a time. Right now there's a miracle growing inside you. Our miracle." Her eyes flicked to your stomach, and for the first time since you found out, you were pregnant excitement bubbled in your chest again. "If we worry about the what if's we won't have time to focus on the what is." This time she placed her hand on your flat stomach.

You smiled, wide.

"See. There's already a motherly glow about you."

The more Emily said the more the worry began to fade, excitement replacing it.

You were gonna start a family.

"Em."

"Yeah."

"I have to tell you something."

"Yeah."

"I'm pregnant, it's yours." She nudged you playful, even she had a motherly glow about her right now.

"What! You're just telling me now," she teased.

You smiled.

"I'm truly sorry I didn't tell you sooner," you mumbled, placing your hand over Emily's, which was still on your stomach.

"Well, I know now, and you've officially made me the happiest woman alive." She placed a sweet kiss on your lips. "Thank you (Y/n)."

"We're going to be parents!"

"The best parents!" Emily added. "We are, aren't we."

"Now come on, they'll think we've fallen into the toilet by this time."

You laughed. "We can't have that."

Emily stood up, offering her hand, which you took happily.

She placed one last kiss on your lips, then grabbed your hand before you open the door. You always stayed professional at work.

When you opened the door Derek almost fell on top of you. "Hey Mamas," he said, a shit-eating grin taking over his face.

"We're you guys spying?" You asked.

Emily chuckled, squeezed your hand, and headed back to her seat.

Nobody answered.

Spencer was looking anywhere but you, JJ was pretending to get a bag of Cheetos, and Rossi and Derek were smiling shamelessly.

"At least Hotch isn't a snoop," you noted. Your boss was still in his chair doing paperwork.

You shoved Derek playfully and headed back to your seat next to Emily. She automatically reached for your hand.

"Actually, Spencer objected, Hotch listened at the door with us for 5 min and 23 seconds before saying, 'We shouldn't be listening to this."

Hotch didn't even look up from his paperwork, but a rare smile was playing at his lips. "We shouldn't have been. But congratulations you two."

"Thank you!" You and Emily said in unison.

It wasn't brought up the rest of the flight but you could feel the air of excitement and relief nonetheless.

The rest of the flight was filled with little conversation and file reviewing.

Every so often you'd look over at Emily, who was looking out the window, a big grin plastered on her face, her hand on your stomach.

395 notes · View notes

divinaes-bookofsecrets · 3 years

Note

Hello! May I please request a spirit guide reading, if you are accepting those at this time? My initials are NS, Sagittarius. Thank you in advance, and I hope you have a lovely day/evening.

HELLO , DEAR SAGITTARIUS ♐ 😘You travel with a great many Spiritual Guardians ; The one that's most important 😊 and most prominent is an enchanting witch goddess.

Her name is Wendolina‐Lynn aka Linà-Lynn but ýou may just call her WENDOLINA

Her sex: female

Her age: 44

Her lucky numbers: 4, 7, 19, 22, 300

Element: FIRE ELEMENT

Zodiac☆Symbol: ♈ Aries, ♌ Leo

(Her horoscope sign mixes with yours impeccably!!! She is your exact perfect match for friendship, even for a relationship in love 😍 but I do not, as a Shamanic Healer, suggest that you pursue any thing romantic with this highly mystical being )

PLANET THAT RULES HER: MARS , and THE SUN

Her Greatest Strength: Dynamic Energy, Motivation, Drive and Willpower, Passionate, Achiever, Enthusiasm

Her Weakness: Desire, Sex Drive,Temperamental

Magick Powers; Cleansing and Purification, Hexes and Banshment and Protection and Prosperity

Moon Phase: Full Moon, 🌙 🌔 🌖 🌛 Eclipse 🌑 Moon

SEASON; YULE

Her Energy is Tied To ACTION !

Time of Day: Noon

Direction: South

Tarot: Wands

Although Goddess Wendolina is eternally a Fire Sign 🔥 😍 She flows like 💧 Water She was born from her ancestors 🌟 in the 🌟 stars !! & She is currently 44 as of this year; She ages one year each and every decade! Lady Wendolina the ♈ Aries woman has been, by the Creator and Universe, molded for you. Ĺady Lina-Lynn iis not ýour typical witch, she's more of a witchesss! And her beauty knows no end. Your Witchess is dark looking if you choose to see her that way, but if you choose to see her fertile enlightening light 😉 ✨ you'll soon see how you are connected 😏 to this mystic enchanting goddess .

Here is she. 🍒🍀🌼🍇🐛🌷🦋🕸🕷🕸🌺🍂🍃

Lady Wendolina-Lynn , is an Aries Goddess of mystical ethereal feminist ♥ ✨ power. She believes in equality--- She thinks that men and women should be sharing more and have equal rights ✅ but of course this sounds a lot like Lilith story does it not🙄 well, there's a reason for that too. Lady Wendolina is actually one of Lilith daughters ! This explains how her down fall is her sex drive. Well, she's deffinitely an amazing Aries specimen isn't she?

Lilith gave her daughter Wendolina the Witchess all the glory, beauty, and powers to behold. She is, like Lilith, demonized 😈 by the men of Earth 🌎 ♥ and the Church.

Wendolina uses her witchy ways to look dark but subtle enough to still practice white magick with her powers. She is the most powerful ✨😈 demon spawn and we should all be proud she uses her powers for only good not evil ever 👏 she's such a sweet darling demonness spawn !!

She has two major looks that are her main makeup choices she (like above) dresses and does Lilith inspired makeup ---Then Wendolina-Lynn does space effect warpaint; representing the stars and the moon where she came from 🌟 🌙

Next ill explain the story of her Mother, Lilith, story as it ties into also the independent woman that your Spirit Guide is plus the independence she represents!

Lilith is an extremely controversial figure within Jewish folklore. Lilith's name is not included in the creation story of the Torah but she appears in several midrashic texts. Her symbolism, history and literature are debated among Jewish scholars, feminists and other intellectuals. There are multiple origin stories for Lilith but the most popular history told views Lilith as the first wife of Adam. According to the "first Eve" story Lilith was created by God from dust and placed to live in the garden with Adam until problems arose between Adam and Lilith when Adam tried to exercise dominance over Lilith. One story tells that Lilith refused to lay beneath Adam during sex. She believed they were created equal, both from the dust of the earth, thus she should not have to lay beneath him. After Adam disagreed, Lilith fled the Garden of Eden to gain her independence. Adam told God that Lilith had left and God sent three angels, Senoi, Sansenoi, and Sammangelof, to retrieve her. The three angels found Lilith in a cave bearing children but Lilith refused to come back to the garden. The angels told her they would kill 100 of her children every day for her disobedience. In revenge, she is said to rob children of life and is responsible for the deaths of still-born infants and crib deaths (SIDS). Male children are at risk of Lilith's wrath for 8 days after birth (until circumcision) and girls are at risk for 20 days. Although Lilith stole children's lives in the night, she agreed not to kill the children who had amulets of either of the three angels.

After the angels' departure, Lilith tried to return to the garden but upon her arrival she discovered that Adam already had another mate, Eve. Out of revenge, Lilith had sex with Adam while he was sleeping and "stole his seed." With his seed she bears 'lilium,' earth-bound demons to replace her children killed by the angels. Lilith is also said to be responsible for males' erotic dreams and night emissions. Another theory says that Lilith is impregnated, thus creating more demons by masturbation and erotic dreams.

🐉🌸ĹILITH AND WENDOLINA HAVE AN APPETITE FOR EARTH MEN🌸🐲

The open-ended nature of the Lilith symbol has allowed different groups to use her as a destructive female symbol or a symbol of female power. Many feminists see Lilith as not only the first woman but the first independent woman created. In the creation story she refuses to allow Adam to dominate her and flees the garden despite the consequences. In order to retain her freedom she must give up her children and in retaliation she steals the seed of Adam. In one account of this story, Lilith is said to "mount Adam" (click here for this version). This version of the story implies that Lilith sexually violated Adam; however, other stories portray Lilith as a demoness who kills children and takes advantage of men while they are sleeping. Jewish halakhic law forbids the spilling of a man's seed and Lilith takes advantage of this, during masturbation and erotic dreams, and uses it to replenish her own offspring.

Although Lilith is controversial some feminists have used her as a symbol of empowerment. For example, one Jewish feminist magazine is called Lilith labels itself as an "Independent Jewish Woman's Magazine." The publishers use Lilith as a title because they believe she is a symbol of independence. However, those who still think of her as a demoness could turn it around and once again label feminists as male bashers or men-haters. They see Lilith as wicked and vengeful towards men and children. With any symbol or icon used by feminists, especially within a religious context, there will be controversy and opposition. Whether or not the story of Lilith is accurate is not the main issue. The "first Eve" version of the story gives Lilith a role that many women can identify within Judaism and other religious traditions. She is an independent woman who challenges the oppressive system in which she is placed. Stealing the lives of children represents a certain madness that accompanies her solitude and exclusion. Despite Lilith's downfalls, she still remains a symbol of power simply by her survival and mysteriousness. She is open for interpretation and therefore allows women to reinterpret her symbolism and power within the tradition.

Picture Lilith's daughter the demoness 😈 spawn sort of like Mortisha Adams from the Adam's Family tv. Show. She's sweet, sultry, she could seduce you, and she's pale but deffinitely dark in a cheerful fun way !

Wendolina's mystical senses have brought her to you at this time to bring you a very important message ;

Here's your messages

Sagittarius predictions for May 17 - May 23

You may be lamenting that there don't seem to be any exciting new opportunities coming your way. You may feel bored and stuck in a rut, wishing that some unique proposition would be yours for the taking. Maybe there is something out there for you, but if you are stuck in a mindset where you are expecting something very specific, Sagittarius, you might not recognize a good thing that is different, even if you metaphorically trip over it. Be open to any chance that comes to you this week, even if it doesn't meet with your preordained idea of what can bring you the success you want. A positive change of circumstances is in the stars for you now, and this week, you may get a good glimpse of it. This could have to do with your home, your work, or your money - and may range from a change of residence to an increase in income or even an unexpected windfall. But this may not reach fruition this week - however, the tempting idea of it may come to you with the promise of fulfillment soon. This is a good time to seal deals, negotiate contracts, or ask for investors if you are in such a position. You should be brimming with energy and initiative right now.

-- Wendolina-Lynn aka Lina-Lynn

So watch out for your financial situation is about to change dramatically or you'll be moving residents please take this as a good thing that you've been waiting for this might just be the changes you need.

IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A GOOD SHAMAN , LOOK NO FURTHER: I AM HERE!!

All Spells..... $18 depending on what you wishing for or desiring as result

14 notes · View notes

scarlettrose0 · 3 years

Text

On Anon

There is no point in posting anon hate, I won’t answer it. Instead do you and me a favor and block me, you are not obligated to see my posts. Please ask me on anything you want, especially on abortion as I am admittedly very interested in that topic.

On What This Blog Is About

This blog is mainly as mentioned above, about abortion, the shows I am currently watching, mainly anime specifically. As, well as art, as well as controversial topics.

Pro-Life Responses To Pro-Choice Arguments

On sentience and personhood ~ https://scarlettrose0.tumblr.com/post/657559401237037056/2a-continuous-properties

On pro-life people just being pro-birth, and the differences between foster care and adoption, (and to me this argument is an red herring, but it’s so common I put it here) ~ https://scarlettrose0.tumblr.com/post/657479339834753024/foster-care

On it just being a clump of cells, fetal tissue, etc ~ https://blog.secularprolife.org/2021/07/responding-to-common-pro-choice-tactic.html?m=1

My pro-life essay referring to any other pro-choice argument ~ https://scarlettrose0.tumblr.com/post/65752688675220684 The effects of pro-choice culture, and how it leads to men being able to leave parenthood just as women are able to, as well as leading towards an weird relationship of how we view unborn babies or rather, not knowing their worth ~https://blog.secularprolife.org/2021/01/our-cultural-gaslighting-of-women-who.html?m=1

~https://blog.secularprolife.org/2011/05/roe-v-wade-for-men.html?m=1

Also, if your a pregnant women who needs help who are the cons and pros of pregnancy crisis centers, (good luck btw):

If you are choosing to carry your child, and need help. I hope all goes well, an CPC is, if you don’t know.

”...sometimes called a pregnancy resource center (PRC),[1]is a type of nonprofit organization established to persuade pregnant women against having an abortion.[2][3]:1[4] CPCs generally provide peer counseling related to abortion, pregnancy, and childbirth, and may also offer additional non-medical services such as financial assistance, child-rearing resources, and adoption referrals.[5][6][7] CPCs that qualify as medical clinics may also provide pregnancy testing, sonograms, and other services.[8]However, CPCs have also frequently been found to disseminate false medical information, usually about the supposed physical and mental health risks of abortion,[9][10][11] but sometimes also about the effectiveness of condoms and the prevention of sexually transmitted infections.[12]”

Some provide misinformation, I don’t support that. I only want the best for you and your child. Good luck.

Also * I copy pasted these lists from other posts.

Let Them Live will pay for your bills during and after your pregnancy GetYourCare to find a clinic near you Baby2Baby and HopeSupplyCo for baby supplies Adoption Medicaid Medicare Find a low cost community health clinic near you Find a Title X clinic near you (confidential reproductive health care for teens and adults) International: Birthright International Choice42 Worldwide directory of pregnancy centers

Pregnancy help

Life begins at conception.

And the leading cause of abortion is lack of support, resources, and finances.

You have alternatives.

Crisis Talk Lines:

OptionLine

RealAlternatives

AllOptions

Get Immediate Mental Help

Domestic Abuse Helpline

Sexual Assault Pregnancy Help

Financial Aid and Social Services:

Women, Infants, Children Aid (any guardian can apply)

Temporary Assistance for Needy Families

SNAP

Other government benefits

Let Them Live (financial aid for pregnant women)

Women Deserve Better

Pregnant in College Rights

Carrying a terminally sick baby to term

International pregnancy help

Check Baby2Baby and HopeSupplyCo for free baby supplies

Healthcare:

Find a low cost health clinic near you

Find a TitleX clinic near you

Children’s Health Insurance Program

Get Your Care (find low cost or free pregnancy care near you)

Medicaid

List of international pregnancy centers which offer pregnancy care and social services

Adoption:

Adopt Help (finances birth moms)

How to start an adoption plan

Finding an agency

Open Adoption

Emotional Support

Parenting:

Department of Health Resources for Parents

National Parent Helpline

Diaper Banks

Single Mothers by Choice

To locate PCC, please see here:

https://crisispregnancycentermap.com

I wouldn’t go to an PCC for an Sex-Ed, but there not completely useless. Please, use them the best of your abilities.

I understand some are against PCC but they do more good then bad. Abortion places provide that——abortions. They help the mother by providing ultra sounds, Planned Parenthood thankfully is run by professionals but as much as those that are biased against abortion. Planned Parenthood is literally just as biased, especially against pro-life people. A good bit of them don’t even provide ultrasounds, see here: https://youtu.be/CHGOBkX2esU, they aren’t ”innocent“ either considering that their founder used eugenics and wanted to lower the black population and used PP for that. They’ve also been found to sell baby parts, etc.

https://www.centerformedicalprogress.org/2020/05/planned-parenthood-testimony-on-selling-baby-parts-unsealed-new-videos-released/

they do however provide free birth control and condoms, STD testing, etc. But pregnancy crisis centers they also help them by providing diapers, food, formula and clothes and help the mother AFTER the baby is born … those are non profit organizations so there not getting paid either, they clearly want to help women and especially there child. PP and Pregnancy Crisis Centers both help, both do good and bad. PCC aren’t all of a sudden bad because they don’t support abortions. And, there not forcing you to not have an abortion.

TL;DR I don’t support pregnancy crisis centers that fake what they are and give out misinformation, we should be vocal about the fact that we’re anti-abortion. I do support them helping the mother and giving good sex-ed so that she won’t get pregnant and providing medical accuracy as well as having actual medical professionals there. I don’t support Planned Parenthood or any other abortion place, there JUST as biased as pregnancy crisis centers and even claimed that pro-life people are:

”Generally, people who identify as pro-choice believe that everyone has the basic human right to decide when and whether to have children. When you say you’re pro-choice you’re telling people that you believe it’s OK for them to have the ability to choose abortion as an option for an unplanned pregnancy — even if you wouldn’t choose abortion for yourself.

People who oppose abortion often call themselves pro-life. However, the only life many of them are concerned with is the life of the fertilized egg, embryo, or fetus. They are much less concerned about the life of women who have unintended pregnancies or the welfare of children after they’re born. In fact, many people who call themselves “pro-life” support capital punishment (AKA the death penalty) and oppose child welfare legislation.

The black-and-white labels of “pro-life” and “pro-choice” pit people against each other, as if they’re on two different teams. But we agree more than we disagree: A majority of Americans believe abortion should be legal, and they support the right to access abortion.

We Say “Pro-Reproductive Rights” and “Anti-Abortion”

To be more clear and inclusive with our word choices, we at Planned Parenthood say “pro-reproductive rights” and “anti-abortion” to describe people’s beliefs about abortion access. The pro-reproductive rights and anti-abortion labels leave room for a variety of beliefs, while focusing on access to abortion specifically. “Accessing” abortion means having the ability to afford it, physically get to an abortion provider, and other factors that allow you to exercise your right to abortion care.

Pro-Reproductive Rights

When you say that you support reproductive rights, that means you support laws that allow people to access the full range of reproductive health care — including safe, legal abortion.

If you identify as pro-reproductive rights, it means you want to keep abortion legal and you believe people have the right to be able to access abortion.

Pro-reproductive rights folks oppose laws that ban abortion, as well as laws that keep abortion out of reach — like laws that shut down health centers or that force patients to jump through hoops to get the care they need.

Many pro-reproductive rights people also support access to birth control, sex education, care at Planned Parenthood health centers, and other forms of sexual and reproductive health care.

Anti-Abortion

Using the term “anti-abortion” is a more accurate way to describe people who want abortion to be illegal. Many anti-abortion people don’t believe that pregnant people should be able to choose abortion under any circumstances, even if their pregnancyis a result of rape or if carrying the pregnancy to term puts their life in danger.

Anti-abortion people tend to:

Disagree with most medical authorities about the definition of pregnancy. They mistakenly believe that pregnancy begins with the fertilization of the egg. Most authorities believe that pregnancy begins when the implantation of the fertilized egg into the lining of the uterus is complete.

They believe that people should not be allowed to use birth control.

They want to overturn the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade. In that decision, the court ruled that a woman’s right to choose abortion is protected by the Constitution and that abortion is legal throughout the United States.

The Bottom Line

“Pro-choice” and “pro-life” labels don’t reflect the complexity of how most people actually think and feel about abortion. Instead of putting people in one category or another, we should respect the real-life decisions people and their families face every day.

Decisions about whether to choose adoption, end a pregnancy, or continue a pregnancy should be made by a pregnant person with the counsel of their family, their faith, and their health care provider. Politicians should not be involved in anyone’s personal medical decisions about their reproductive health or pregnancy.”

Planned Parenthood is just as biased, but I do support the fact that they provide more then abortions, but abortion is definitely there main money maker.

#anon hate #not replying #prolife #pregnancy crisis centers #good luck #planned parenthood

4 notes · View notes

ivarthebadbitch · 3 years

Text

Strange things can happen

Chapter 3 summary: Ecbert has some advice for the newlyweds on the morning after. Ragnar makes an important announcement.

Canon divergent, everybody lives, arranged marriage AU after 4x14. Read this chapter on Ao3.

Previous chapters: [1] [2]

On Ao3: [1] [2]

Pairings: Ivar x OC, Ivar vs. basically everyone

Warnings: None

Word count: 1755

Tagged: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927 @nukyster-blog @bae-roman (let me know if you’d like to be tagged)

CHAPTER 3: You never know with Saxon women

Ecbert’s head hurt, but it was nothing that a little wine with breakfast couldn’t fix. The evening had been something of a blur after they had put the newlyweds to bed: all he could really be certain of was that Ragnar had taught him some sort of dirty song in his language, and that he had lost a shoe at some point, so on the whole he had to consider the night a success. Though he did need to confirm one thing to truly count it as a success.

“I do hope that Aldreda and Ivar will be here before their breakfast gets cold,” he remarked to his son, who had been quietly eating his porridge. “However...that may be a good sign. It is unusual for a newly married couple to conceive on their first night together, but—” he nodded at Ragnar on the other side of the table, who also seemed a bit hungover—“as we all know, Ivar comes from fertile stock, so I would say that the chances are higher than normal. Wouldn’t you agree, Aethelwulf?”

If it was possible to stir porridge in a resentful manner, then Aethelwulf had surely mastered it. “I suppose so,” he said reluctantly. He looked over at Aethelred and Alfred, desperately searching for a different subject. “Alfred, don’t push your porridge to the sides of the bowl. You aren’t fooling anyone and you’ll just be hungry later.”

“Sorry, Father,” Alfred said. He still did not eat his porridge. He stirred it. Resentfully.

“Father, before Aldreda and Ivar arrive, if I may…” Aethelwulf said in a low voice, leaning in closer to Ecbert. “I know a great deal has been invested in this marriage and...and everyone hopes it will be profitable and agreeable to all. But they are young and no doubt somewhat overwhelmed by these events, and so all I ask is that you show some tact and restraint this morning.”

“Oh, is that all?” Ecbert gave his son a reassuring smile. “I will be very circumspect, I promise you that. Ah, and here they are!”

Aldreda came in first, followed by Ivar, with his arms slung over the guards’ shoulders. They deposited him on the chair next to Aldreda, directly across from Ecbert. Both of them stared intently at their porridge. Neither of them made a move to touch it.

“Please, eat,” Ecbert told them in an encouraging tone. “Both of you must have worked up an appetite by now. I do hope last night was fruitful?”

“Father,” Aethelwulf said through gritted teeth.

Aldreda gave him a pained smile before looking at Ecbert. “We...know each other somewhat better now.”

“Hm.” That did not quite sound like the resounding success Ecbert had envisioned. “In a carnal manner, I hope. There is no need to be modest; we’re all family here. Though it is also good to become better acquainted on a personal level as well.”

Aldreda turned bright red. At her side, Ivar looked like he wanted to slide under the table and disappear into a hole in the ground.

“Of course, it can be difficult to be intimate with someone you have only just met,” Ecbert acknowledged. “You will grow more comfortable with each other over time. After all, you have many things in common, such as...such as your age. Yes. The two of you are nearly the same age. And...hm.”

“Thank you for the advice, Grandfather,” Aldreda said after a moment. Nobody seemed to want to speak after that.

As the silence lengthened, Ragnar suddenly cleared his throat. “I have an announcement,” he said. “Now that my son is married and our treaty is secured, I intend to return home as soon as the weather is favorable. King Ecbert, I trust that I may have use of one of your ships?”

“Certainly,” Ecbert replied. “You are quite welcome to remain as long as you like, but I understand you must have responsibilities to attend to in Kattegat. Rest assured that Ivar will be well taken care of.”

Ivar’s head shot up, his mouth hanging open in dismay. “What are you talking about, old man?” he asked his father in Norse. “You can’t leave me here with these people!”

“Shut up,” Ragnar answered as Ecbert pretended to not understand the exchange. “We will talk about this later.”

The boy sat back in his chair with a sullen expression, and Ecbert moved to intervene. So long as Ivar was sulking and unhappy, there would be little chance that he and Aldreda would conceive an heir. “Perhaps after breakfast, you would like to join Aethelred and Alfred in the training yard?” he asked Ivar. “Ragnar tells me that you have some skill with a bow, and the boys may learn something from your technique. Unless you wish to spend the morning with your bride?”

Ivar looked up at that. “Training,” he said in English, and Ecbert thought he saw Aldreda let out a small sigh of relief. He would talk to each of them separately later, if necessary. But Aethelwulf had made reasonable points earlier that the couple had perhaps been overwhelmed by the turn of events, and Ecbert was nothing if not a reasonable man. There was still time—so long as they didn’t make him wait forever.

***

Ivar finally managed to shake off the guards after dinner. The pair had evidently been tasked with dragging him around anywhere he needed to go—as punishment for something, he assumed—but it had been getting somewhat tiresome, and at any rate, he could get around perfectly well on his own. He ignored the stares he was getting from the passing servants and nobles as he crawled down the hall and banged on Ragnar’s door until his father finally opened it and let him in.

“You can’t leave,” Ivar snapped at him the moment the door was shut.

His father raised his eyebrows. “I thought I was clear about the nature of the agreement with Ecbert,” he said as he took a seat on the floor next to Ivar. “He allowed you to marry Aldreda on the condition you live with them. Me staying was not part of that. My brother Rollo remained at the court in Paris after he married the emperor’s daughter. It is a normal arrangement.”

“I thought Rollo was a great traitor.”

“Well, yes. But my point still stands.”

Ivar’s eyes began to well up with sudden tears and he turned his head away so his father would not see. But if you leave, I’ll be all alone here. “Mother will kill you if you go back without me.”

Ragnar laughed. “I’m willing to take that risk, but I think her heart will soften once she understands the benefits of our new trade agreement,” he said. He clapped Ivar on the shoulder and leaned in close. “Your task here is simple but important. All you have to do is please your bride. I assume you can do that?”

Ivar pulled away. “What sort of an idiotic question is that?” he asked with a scowl. “Of course I can. I will...I will...give her pleasure like she’s never had before in her life at this stupid court.” Even as the words left his mouth, he could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment. How had his father failed to see through all his lies?

Rather than asking more questions about how exactly Ivar intended to achieve this, Ragnar grinned. “Excellent. Don’t tell your father-in-law, though. He is looking for an excuse to kill you.”

“Aethelwulf can go fuck himself.”

Ragnar positively beamed at him. Then he pulled out a flask, took a swig, and handed it to Ivar, who followed suit. “Well, boy, since it’s our last night together for some time, we can drink to that.”

From there, things became somewhat fuzzy. They both ended up lying on the floor at some point, with Ivar half listening as Ragnar somewhat incoherently recalled his past exploits. He had almost stopped paying attention entirely when his father suddenly said, “Oh yes, that was the time I was with your mother and Lagertha. Now that was a night worth remembering, though I think they enjoyed each other’s company more than they enjoyed mine.”

Ivar propped himself up on his elbows. “What?”

Ragnar shrugged. “Don’t look at me, it was your mother’s idea. She got Lagertha to go along with it. Lagertha would have killed me if I’d made the suggestion again.”

“Again?”

“Oh. Never mind that.” He sat up woozily, cleared his throat, and leaned closer to Ivar. “Listen, your bride must have lady friends, right? It might be worth asking. See if Aldreda would be interested. But you need to be delicate about it. You don’t want her to take it the wrong way.”

Ivar could feel his face growing hot again. “I don’t think she has lady friends. There aren’t that many women here for some reason. Just Aldreda and Aethelwulf’s wife. Some servants.”

“Oh, well, servants can be fun too, but I’m sure you know that.” Ragnar flopped back down on the floor. “You were just a child at the time, you wouldn’t remember, but there was this one slave back in Kattegat...beautiful woman, never seen anyone like her before, she was from...from...well, it doesn’t matter. But I sucked her toes once.”

Ivar stared at him. “She liked it?”

“I think so. Anyway, might be another thing to try with your wife. These Saxon women...you never know with Saxon women...”

Ivar supposed he did not know. He lay there on the floor next to Ragnar for a while, trying unsuccessfully to rid himself of the mental image of his father sucking on a woman’s toes, and then imagining what his life would look like in Wessex all by himself, surrounded by strangers. It wasn’t too late, he thought to himself. He could just tell Ragnar the truth and then Ecbert and Aethelwulf would be more than happy to be rid of him. Aldreda would certainly be thrilled to have him gone. All he had to do was swallow the humiliation of everyone knowing that, on top of everything else, he was incapable of doing a man’s duty. But at least he could go home.

“Father?” he said softly. “I need to tell you something.”

No answer. He turned his head to look. Ragnar was passed out beside him, limbs sprawled and his mouth wide open as he snored.

Great. This was just great. “Fuck you too,” Ivar sighed.

#vikings #ivar the boneless #fanfiction #fic: strange things can happen

25 notes · View notes

ears-awake-eyes-opened · 4 years

Text

Lace

(Hayffie ❤️🔥. Exploration of the potential of Effie and Haymitch through time using lace as metaphor. I spent several days channeling what I imagine of Effie as I tried to write this just so. It was worth the effort. NSFW. Sexual content toward the end.)

“I used to rummage around in my grandmother’s trunks trying to find them. I love the feeling of chiffon and lace.” — Stevie Nicks

***

Lace was Effie’s earliest gateway to a partially hidden self. Scallops, finely knitted with silk thread, swirled in her hands and opened a dream world. She stepped into it with great anticipation. Beneath white lace she could be a ghost. Not the ghastly kind that frightens the world, wailing the aches of an unfinished life. But the ethereal kind that floats through the halls, unencumbered by expectation. In her imagination, everyone would pause to gaze upon her. They’d all still to listen to the rustling of the fabric of her existence.

In lace, she could become whoever she wanted to be.

As a little girl, she dressed up in riches and regal innocence, draping herself in her Nana’s long pearl necklace and lace shawl. She served tea in painted porcelain cups to painted porcelain dolls. “Manners, children! Don’t slurp your tea. Curl your pinkies, and you’ll grow up to be great ladies.”

By 8 years old, she felt quite grown up herself, caught between innocence and incipient desire, crushing on the boy who’d just won the Games. She picked a bouquet of flowers from the garden. “I’m Proserpina now, goddess of fertility, agriculture, and wine...” She ate six pomegranate seeds, and pulled the shawl over her eyes as a veil. “...Someday I’ll be the bride of Pluto, God of the underworld and mineral wealth. He’ll love me like no other, and I the same for him. They call him Haymitch now, but I know his true identity. I’m the only one.”

She scooped up one of her dolls and wiped its porcelain neck with the corner of the shawl. “There. You’re pretty again, Maysilee darling. Those awful pink birds are gone. You’ll come with us to live in the underworld with diamonds and rubies and sapphires. Nobody there is ever really dead. You’ll be the princess, and I’ll be the queen.”

In lace, she worked through the trauma that existed in witnessing so much death.

“And isn’t that at its core what the princess fantasy is about for all of us?... ‘Princess’ is the wish that we could protect them from pain, that they would never know sorrow, that they will live happily ever after, ensconces in lace and innocence.” — Peggy Orenstein

***

There was lace between them the first time Haymitch touched her. The delicate gloves she wore met his fingers with surprising softness. He’d shaken hands with lacy-gloved Capitol women countless times. He’d pressed his lips to their knuckles when they presented their hands for kissing. He got that shit a lot, and most of the time it annoyed him. Those textures were predictably coarse.

The first touch of Effie was alluring. That silky fabric full of holes peaked his curiousity about the feeling of her skin. They’d just met, and he didn’t want to let go of her. Not yet. Damn. Attraction to an opulent Capitol girl was a complication he didn’t need.

“Nice gloves, sweetheart.” He couldn’t resist. The moment felt too good to say nothing.

Through layers of makeup, he could see her blush. Another surprise. She didn’t drop his hand. They held on until the spots where they touched infused with a shared warmth. It didn’t take long, with both of them wondering how it would feel to play with fire.

Flint struck steel, and sparks flew for years as they goaded each other with words and mannerisms. The burn was slow seduction. There are dualities to lace. It can’t decide whether it’s an angel or a devil. In those years of indecision, Effie touched him many times through gloves: curling her hand in the bend of his elbow, brushing against the back of his neck accidentally on purpose, skimming her fingertips across his forehead to push his hair from his eyes when he was drunk enough not to object.

She took to interlacing her fingers with his the moment one of their tributes was killed in the arena.

“Don’t.” He bristled at first. “Don’t patronize me.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?! I don’t want them to die. You know it hurts me too.”

She was getting too attached. She’d need to find a way to toughen up if she was going to keep doing the job. And he wanted her there. Holding her hand took a slight edge off the horror. He was getting too attached — to her. He recognized it.

“I’m not hurting.” His words were unconvincing. He took a long drink, and he didn’t let go of her until the flask was empty.

“Give me lace and whiskey.” — Alice Cooper

***

The system, ultimately fragile, was indeed brought down by berries — and blood. After the revolution, resources that Effie had always taken for granted were scarce. During the early years of reconstruction, she asked Greasy Sae to teach her how to mend lace. The old woman repaired it for resale using just an ironing board, straight pins, a needle, thread, and scissors.

“I ain’t gonna ask how your panties got ripped, dear.” She winked. “But I can show you how to fix ‘em.” Sae could fix most anything, and Effie enjoyed spending time with her. It was like rummaging again in her grandmother’s trunks, but finding treasure in pearls of wisdom.

Effie’s connection with Haymitch had caught fire when the world did. The timing made sense. One intensity begets another, like creation.

After learning on small items, Effie moved on to mending more precious swaths of lace like the heirloom tablecloth in her apartment. Haymitch sank into her sofa, and watched her work in a slip and an sheer robe printed with flowers. Her hair kept falling in her face so she pulled it back into a ponytail.

Her hair alone turned him on. He took swallows from a glass of Capitol liquor that he didn’t know by name, and he thought about holding onto that ponytail and fucking her.

She felt his eyes on her. “You’re suddenly fascinated with sewing?” she asked without looking up from the stitching.

“I’m fascinated with you.” The words weren’t playful. They pulled her heartbeat into her gut. Butterflies. They’d been seeing each other for over two years, and he could still tug at her without touching.

A smile lit up her face.

“Are you almost done with that, sweetheart?”

“Patience. When your leg breaks, you can’t rush the bone to fuse back together.”

“Are you planning on breaking my leg? Because I’ve already got another bone for you to fix.”

“Your ‘bone’ can wait for the sake of art.”

“...I’m gonna make you come, honey. If that ain’t art, then I don’t know what is.”

The flush of her cheeks and the swell along the axis of her body were distracting her, but she finished the task regardless.

She removed the pins, lifted the lace from the ironing board, tied a small knot in the thread, and clipped off the excess to finish. She sat with him on the sofa to inspect her work. Her stitches were precisely as tight as the weave of the lace. The fix was fairly perfect.

The tablecloth draped across her lap and spilled over her legs. Through the lace, he caressed her thighs, her knees, her calves, then back up again. She was too affected to nag him about being careful with her masterpiece.

“You like this,” she murmured.

Hell, yes. “I like almost seeing you through it... touchin’ you... You’re so fine, Effie.”

‘Fine’ was a word he generally used when they argued, when something wasn’t quite right and when he didn’t want to talk about it. This context felt different.

Shit. I’m into her. If I don’t keep this in check, I’m gonna be so into her. “...Can I...?” He asked in response to his unvoiced feelings.

“What do you want, honey?”

He stroked the apex of her thighs through the lace and her satin slip.

She moaned softly.

“You like this too.” His voice was thick with desire to swallow the sounds that escaped her throat. He’d start there, then move on to the rest of her.

“Hell, yes...” she sighed, sliding her fingers up the short sleeve of his shirt.

The tablecloth fell away and they clutched each other, as if she might dissolve into molecules, as if he might disappear. It was like that sometimes — grasping, clinging need.

Stay.

Please stay.

“I stare at her collarbone that’s framed with lace, the hollow of her collarbone, her shoulders that rise with each rise of the weight of her next breath. We’re fragile things. Our bones show through our skin. What would any god want with us?” — Lauren DeStephano

***

In the old days of the Capitol, lace curtains were a means to show off assets. In the Trinket family home, lace hung for years in the windows of the parlor, showcasing an antique grand piano and furniture made of mahogany and velvet. Less ostentatious and commonplace items were relegated to rooms cloaked in thick window coverings or not visible from the street.

Effie was raised in this manner, instructed in the duality of garnering attention and practicing concealment. Lace has the capacity to reveal, on occasion, something you might rather hide — whether when used to line your parlor, cover your body in a second skin, or partially cloak the contents of your heart. People take risks in lace.

Effie peered into her parents’ marriage and understood her own desires were different. “Did you love Father when you married?” she asked when her mother chastised her about spending so much time with the victor from District 12.

“This conversation is about YOUR future, not my past,” her mother responded without answering the question. “At your age, you certainly should be thinking about marriage, but for heaven sake not with a savage. Taking up with him is impractical. It will ruin your life.”

Effie worked to hold the lid on the pot boiling inside her. “He is not a savage. I ‘took up’ with him years ago, and my life is my own. I might move to 12, and I might never marry. Those are MY choices to make.” She resisted the urge to flinch. As a girl, being that frank with her mother would have prompted a slap in the face, but her childhood was long gone.

Her mother was stunned into silence, so Effie asked again, “Are you in love with my father?”

“...Are you in love with Haymitch?” Her mother again ignored Effie’s question, though her tone softened in curiosity. She at least acknowledged that she knew his name.

“Yes,” Effie answered without hesitation, hoping her admission wouldn’t pose a threat to him. She recognized the balance of power had shifted. The Trinkets’ curtains weren’t lace anymore. The contents of the parlor had been sold. Nothing was as it used to be.

“How do you know?” Her mother asked. “How do you know you love him?”

“I’ve always known.”

“Always?”

“From my early memories, playing that we were king and queen of the underworld. Playing with metaphorical fire, even then. ...I want to be with him. I love him so much it hurts.”

“Love shouldn’t hurt, honey.”

“How could you know?”

“Because I love YOU.”

“And how do you feel about what I’m telling you now?”

“You’re a grown woman, Effie. ...Though I can’t help but feel heartbroken picturing you in that life.”

“Love is a rock against the wind. Not soft like silk and lace.” — Etheridge Knight

***

Haymitch returned from the Hob to find his front door unlocked. Adrenaline shot to his arms and legs, and he unsheathed his knife before stepping inside. All was silent. Maybe he’d simply forgotten to lock it. Unlikely though since he did that reflexively, even when he was drunk. He misplaced his keys sometimes, but he never left home without locking the door.

Anxiety grew in the stillness. He checked every room downstairs, then tiptoed up the staircase. He found the *intruder* asleep on his unmade bed.

Effie was dressed — scarcely — in white stretch lace stockings hooked with garters to a matching top. He remembered her calling that kind of thing a bustier, though he’d never seen this one before. She was curled up on her side, and he saw in profile her naked hip and the smooth curve of her ass.

She’d said she had to work this weekend, so her showing up was a surprise. He sheathed his knife as the increased blood supply eased away from his limbs and flowed straight to his groin. From the rush of adrenaline and Effie’s sensual appearance, his heart beat like crazy. His mind was sharp despite lightheadedness. Fucking adrenaline. He knew it as well as anything else.

He quietly removed his boots, peeled off his clothes, and slipped into bed beside his girl. Her even breathing soothed his frayed nerves. He watched her chest rise and fall, and he took in more details of her attire.

The bustier pushed her breasts together, creating a hint of cleavage in a large teardrop-shaped opening between them. Two extra straps emerged from the lace above the peak of the teardrop. They passed over her collarbones, along the sides of her neck, and slid down her back.

Her nipples, soft in sleep, were visible through the lace. The fabric cupped her breasts then stretched to her waist. Everything below was bare — no panties, no thong, nothing but her. Then the stockings.

He had never wanted to touch someone so badly everywhere at once. He curled his fingers around her hip and plucked kisses on her forehead until she stirred.

Good morning, sweetheart; he tried to tease since it was already late afternoon, but the words must have spun in his lungs with his breath, because nothing came out.

Effie rubbed her eyes awake, like a child dressed up in the body of a goddess. “Hey, stranger...” was all she could say before he sucked the rest of the greeting from between her lips.

“What was the point in satin and lace if it didn’t make a man struggle to speak?” — Alexandra Ivy

***

Their reunion was ardent and greedy. He was all sinewy flesh, and she touched him every place she could reach with her hands, arms, legs, body, mouth... He reciprocated the contact with mutual intensity, barely taking care not to crush her. She was like a bird with lacy feathers. He pulled away long enough for her to sing...

“God, you feel good. You’re worth every mile of that infernal train ride.”

He inched down her body, tracing one of the bustier straps with his chin as he kissed along her neck, down her throat to the lace and the unexpected cleavage. “You surprised me.”

“I’m sorry. I’d planned to call out when you opened the door, but the bed was warm, and the sheets smell like you, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

“I’m not complaining. I’m just feeling every ounce of adrenaline pumping now in my dick.”

Through the lace, he stroked one of her breasts with his tongue and the other with his thumb. When her nipples peeked through the fabric, he scissored one between his teeth.

Her jaw dropped open. She sucked in a breath and held it until he shifted his attention to her other breast. There was a moment of release, then she gasped again as the pleasure deepened. She exhaled in words, “I’ve got plans for you.”

Uneasiness crept in. “What plans?”

“Don’t worry. You’ll like it.” With a fingertip, she traced around the teardrop on her chest. “You want to fuck me... here?”

Sandwiched between her breasts with soft lace covering the head of my dick? “Only a fool would say no to that.”

She propped up on pillows. “Come here...”

He straddled her rib cage, taking care not to crush her. She held his hips as he slipped through the teardrop into the valley between her breasts.

Ahh, fuck...

She positioned her palms to accentuate the function of the bustier, squeezing him with her flesh. Then she entwined her fingers over the lace on top of his dick. “Is this good?”

His answer was obvious. He was already thrusting. “Oh, fuck,” he cried aloud this time, feeling the pressure, friction, and excitement of her sheathing him like a knife.

With each movement, his balls grazed the lace too. It was so much sensation. He ran his fingers along her scalp, threading them through her hair. He couldn’t think, and he was afraid of pressing too hard on her sternum and hurting her. “Are you alright?”

“Honey, this is hot as hell. Keep fucking my breasts for as long as you can hold out.” She tightened her grip.

His strokes quickened. “I haven’t got much left before... God... Effie...”

“Where do you want to come, honey? On my neck? In my mouth? Inside me with me coming too?”

He was close, so damn close. In a blink, he pulled out of the sheath and the teardrop, breathing hard. “Shit. Give me a minute. Don’t move and don’t say anything.”

She froze as requested, with her hands still on her breasts. The veil slipped, and she understood what was happening. He was choosing her — intimate connection and pleasure WITH her. She fought tears from welling up because she didn’t want to explain them. She just wanted him to make love with her, and she realized it was happening.

As if to prove it, he stretched out flush against her body and kissed her as before, like he couldn’t wait. “Inside you, with you coming too. That’s what I want.”

She wrapped her legs, esconced in lace, around him and drew him in. With each plunge he was swimming, feeling the waves as she clenched him deep.

“Slow down, honey. I wanna wait for you.”

Thrilling in his words, she had to force her internal muscles to relax and loosen their grasp.

He propped up on one arm and drew circles on her clit.

“Mmmm... Keep that up, and you won’t have to wait much longer.”

Gentle tugs and circling grew more insistent as his body was losing patience.

Her body clenched him again of its own volition. “Oh... I’m... Oh, honey... It’s so delicious....”

“Fuck, Effie. You’ve gotta... Holy shit...”

“Ohh, I can’t stop... Are you....”

“Yeah.” He grunted as the waves overtook him. “Oh, hell... This is it.”

As they climaxed together, the veil slipped, and he understood what was happening. This was more than adrenaline and far beyond fucking. He was making love with her. He was loving her more than anything they were doing in this bed. He loved this girl, HIS girl.

As their breathing slowed, he kissed her as if she was the most intoxicating drink of his life. And, damn it, she probably was.

“You waited.” Her tears welled up. She couldn’t stop those either.

“It’s like holding back wild horses, sweetheart.”

“Four black horses and an ebony chariot.” She said, thinking of the myth she played at long ago.

“Something like that.” Though the analogy was ominous. It reminded him too much of the Games, and he was already shaky coming down from the rush of adrenaline. He collapsed against her. She felt his tremors, and he felt her tears. What the hell am I supposed to do with all this feeling?

“Shh... It’s alright. We can do this,” she said to herself as much as to him. “We’re a team. Remember?” You’re not alone anymore.

She held him until the shaking stopped. All he had to do was let her.

“What can I do with my happiness? How can I keep it, conceal it, bury it where I may never lose it? I want to kneel as it falls over me like rain, gather it up with lace and silk, and press it over myself again.” — Anais Nin

***

The little girl had reached an age when everything in existence was a discovery followed by a question. With all her might she dragged a small cedar chest from the corner of the closet. “What’s this, Nana?”

“It’s buried treasure, Baby Doll. Would you like to open it?”

The little one clapped her hands in anticipation and lifted the latch. Though the springs had worn out long ago, the girl was strong enough to lift the lid without assistance. It fell back onto its hinges, revealing the contents within. She peered inside with eyes wide open.

“Those treasures are old and precious. Most are very fragile. Will you promise to be ever so careful?”

She nodded with serious intent, then rummaged inside to pull treasures out. One by one, she took them to her Nana in the rocking chair...

A lace shawl, a long strand of pearls, two porcelain tea cups, and a porcelain doll with a painted face. A dried bouquet of flowers in a locked wooden box with a glass lid. Golden lace gloves knitted with silk thread. A sheer robe printed with flowers. A yellowed lace tablecloth. A purple corset and a white lace bustier. Plus many sentimental trinkets including a paper card with birds on the front and an inscription inside. The girl was too young still to read.

“What’s it say, Nana?” The little one climbed into her lap and waited for the words.

It reads, “Effie and Haymitch. I wish you happiness. Love, Mother.”

“That’s you and Grampa!”

“Yes, my dear.”

“Where’d all this treasure come from?”

Effie thought a moment.. “it comes from smiles and tears, laughter and fits of madness. From a life full of diamonds and rubies and sapphires — not the kind you dig up from an underground world, but the kind you carry in your heart.”

“It would take a giant heart to carry all that!”

“That’s why we share our lives with the people we love. So we have more than one heart to hold all that treasure.”

The girl rubbed her eyes and snuggled against Effie, “Nana, tell me a story.”

With her arms around her granddaughter, Effie began... “Once upon a time there was a girl who lived inside a rainbow. She’d reach for the colors around her, but her hands were always empty because the rainbow wasn’t real. So she filled her hands with love, and she painted a real life in all the colors she used to live within but couldn’t touch...”

Effie’s granddaughter clutched the old lace shawl as she fell asleep.

“Concealment and revelation. A veil and a shroud. Chastity and wildness. Fragility and resilience. Complexity and simplicity. Curiosity and knowing. Teasing and fulfillment. Thrill and comfort... These are my hopes for you, Baby Doll,” Effie whispered.

Lace becomes what we need it to be.

“Hopes were wallflowers. Hopes hugged the perimeter of a dance floor in your brain, tugging at their party lace, all perfume and hems and doomed expectation. They fanned their dance cards, these guests that pressed against the walls of your heart.” — Karen Russell

22 notes · View notes

marta-bee · 3 years

Text

On Fanworks as Commodities

I've been thinking lately about commodification and how it applies to fandom.

At the risk of giving an unhelpful circular explanation, commodification just means treating something like a commodity when it really isn't. And by commodity, I mean the kind of good or service that it's the kind of thing we can "reduce" to market terms. A loaf of bread is a commodity. So is a house or the services of an accountant- you're not losing anything or "debasing" anyone when you suggest these things can be bought and sold.

But what about surrogacy pregnancy? This is the question Elizabeth Anderson asked in her philosophy paper, "Is Women's Labor a Commodity?" (This is where I first encountered the concept.) She asks what exactly is being sold when we pay a woman to go through a pregnancy and then give up the resulting child to someone else. Anderson said if it's the child that's being sold that seems obviously inappropriate- we rightly consider a human person as the kind of thing you can't just buy and sell- but she also argued even if the woman is just selling the use of her body for a period of time (say, implantation and surrogacy pregnancy of a fetus conceived through in vitro fertilization of the adults who will become the legal parents), there's still something lost. The argument is, pregnancy naturally (at least usually) forms a loving bond between mother and child, which a surrogate woman would wisely try to avoid; otherwise giving up the baby would be that much harder. In effect, it encourages her to alienate herself from the products of her pregnancy. It degrades the commercial surrogate, turns her into an emotionless, contextless factory. And it degrades women who might lovingly serve as surrogates (say, for a sister or friend) because it turns their gift into something indistinguishable from a market transaction.

That's the argument, anyway. Once I found it convincing but these days, I have my doubts. For instance, I don't see any problem saying commercial surrogacy is a different kind of process than surrogacy offered as a gift to someone you know. Even if the result is the same, they seem like very different beasts. I'm also uncomfortable with this idea that certain kinds of work just can't be ethically paid for. Because this usually comes up with "caring" work, which is most often done by women even these days, it becomes too easy to not help bear the costs of that work. We can expect, say, a nurse to care about her patient even though she's paid a salary; is it so wrong if a child who quits her job to care for a sick parent to also be paid for her sacrifice?

That's more a criticism of how the concept is applied, though. I think it's applied too quickly, and in ways that turn it into an either/or, where this doesn't need to be the case. I still think the basic idea has a lot going for it. We do give the market too much power to answer questions it really isn't well suited for. Healthcare, for instance; it needs to be paid for, but not in a way that keeps people from accessing it who need it, or even lets those who can pay get to it more quickly. And maybe market pressures can make it more efficient, to a point, but we really shouldn't reduce it to something that can be bought and sold and understand entirely on those terms.

So, what does all this have to do with fandom? Well, I'm of a different fannish generation than a lot of you young whippersnappers- I first got involved in fannish circles with the Lord of the Rings movies back in the original 2000s. This was pre-AO3 and pre-Tumblr, and only a few years after Anne Rice got ff.net to disallow all fanfic based on her novels. We posted our disclaimers about not owning the characters for a reason and professed our poverty because we believed (or feared at least) we could be sued by the canon's authors. I was mostly in the Tolkien fandom, and it was well known that the estate was never going to authorize fanfic, commercial or otherwise. They state as much on their website, though I can't remember how long that Q&A has existed in its current format.

That gave us a lovely little commercial-free zone. If you couldn't sell your own work commercially, then you could give up all pretenses of success along the normal capitalistic lines and delve into areas that just would never have been very marketable in traditional publishing. Tolkien fandom itself was pretty conservative but I know other fandoms went much further in this regard, exploring genres that just would never be marketable especially before the niche and self-financed publishing the internet opened up for a lot of authors. If the law wouldn't let you do what you wanted to do anyway, why not become utterly ungovernable? So, fanfic became (for me at least) art about art rather than filthy lucre. We were doing what we did because we loved it, and as gifts for our friends, and as a way to be something that wasn't quite allowed in the "normal" culture for whatever reason- even just because we were women daring to make time for our weird little hobbies. It was glorious. And we worked hard enough in other areas of our life that we had the $$$ to indulge in this. We didn't need to be paid, and even if you offered to pay us for our works, we'd likely get a bit insulted and insist that wasn't what this was about at all.

I was told more than once by family that I was good enough to be a "real writer" and didn't I want to do my own thing. So yes, I did get a bit miffed and lean in to my identity of fanfic-writing as hobby not intended as a career.

And I'll be honest: when I see people advertising for commissions or celebrating fan-authors going "professional" as if this is necessarily a step up from unpaid fannish work, I often have this old framework in the back of my head. And it's not really fair. For one thing, I was in college in the early 2000's and so even when we didn't have a lot of cash, we expected to soon get day jobs where we could afford to live comfortably and still afford our hobbies. The housing market crash and the Great Recession changed all of that, as did work opportunities like Instacart and Uber. For a lot of people even a few years younger than me, everything became a side-hustle and there just wasn't this expectation a hobby could be a hobby. I get that there's a lot of privilege entering into that.

On top of which, there's all kinds of gender issues: professional artists, predominantly men, have been painting and selling drawings of comic book characters for years. Star Trek and Star Wars affiliated novels, and Sherlock Holmes pastiches (as opposed to fanfic), again written primarily by men, are also very much a thing. Hell, so are Renaissance artists and the patron system that was built off of. And of course, just because you sometimes produce fanworks just to sell and still do the less commercial work just for yourself if you ever want to. There's no real conflict in that. And it's not like producing art to sell is at all wrong. But to me it does feel like that kind of art is different than what I fancy I do, back when I occasionally wrote. :-) And I probably am more aware of this than I should be, because my backdrop is different from a lot of fans younger than myself, and really do try not to let my situation turn into a blind spot.

Even so, I worry and struggle to find the balance between letting art turn a profit and be reduced to a strictly commercial venture. It's never been anything I've been even remotely drawn to do, and human nature being what it is, I probably do think more highly of the kind of thing I'd choose to do. But I don't want to be unfair, and I don't want to think just because art is paid for and written/drawn to order, it's some sort of assembly-line output with no heart put into it by the writer and artist. Just like an artisan shoemaker might take great pride in his art and work his hardest on each shoe he crafts, even if he must sell it to make ends meet. Somehow, I suspect thinking about this in terms of commodification, the dangers of evaluating artistry using market standards and the ways in which it can still have a value beyond commodity even if it’s bought and sold, might help. But I've not quit worked out what insight that kind of thought would provide, if any.

Do you think there's a special value in fandom or art generally that's not made to be bought and sold? Or am I perhaps making too big a deal over nothing and revealing myself to be an old fuddy-duddy in the process. (It's always a possibility!) I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts if you have any to share.

#philosophy #fandom #commodification #marta blathers

2 notes · View notes

cerezsis · 4 years

Text

The Missing Link

Chapter Three: Jia

Summary: Amon and the Equalists have taken over Republic City. No bender is safe. So why is one just out in the open?

The empty streets of Republic City were even more desolate and hostile under the guise of night. Not even a week had passed since the Equalist’s terroristic takeover, but it felt like so much longer. Benders were being rounded up and taken to Amon every day. People caught protecting benders were also hauled away, taken to spirits knows where. It was a terrifying chapter in the city’s history, that much was certain. Their only hope now was the United Forces, and the Avatar.

As she continued to drive down the slush-covered streets, the fifty-something-year-old woman spared a glance at the rear-view mirror. Her dark blue eyes looked so tired, fatigued by currents affairs. She longed for the comfort of her own bed, for her head to rest on her husband’s chest as they drifted off to sleep. That, however, wouldn’t come any time soon.

As she was about to look back at the empty road, something caught her eye. Her stomach dropped and her grip on the steering wheel tightened as she realized what was coming up behind her.

Monkey feathers!

She tried to stay calm. Maybe they were just patrolling. Maybe they would leave her alone. However, as their motorcycles drew closer and closer, she realized she wasn’t to be so lucky. Taking a deep breath, she pulled off to the side of the road, stepping out of the car with her hands in the air.

“What do you want?” she asked, her voice steady and without the fear she felt pulsating through her being.

The two equalists got off their bikes. Judging by their builds, she guessed they were both male.

“Identify yourself,” one of them ordered.

“Kaida, daughter of Suki and former councilman Sokka, and owner and operator of Kaida’s Academy of Martial Arts and Self Defense. I’m a non-bender. What do you want with me?”

The two men stood, taking in the information.

“Kaida, huh?” the shorter equalist pondered, “We’ve heard of you.” He and his partner put their hands on the bolas they had stored in their belts, not drawing them but making sure the woman in front of them could see they had them. “And we’ve heard of your twin sister; the waterbender.”

“We’re familiar with the whole family. Her husband’s a waterbender, their daughters are waterbenders, and your older sister’s firstborn is a firebender.” He paused as they both took a step closer, a clear attempt at intimidation. “Tell us where we can find them, and you’ll be free to go.”

“I have no idea,” she said, still showing no outward signs of fear, “I haven’t heard from them since you goons took over.” She lowered her arms, looking the two men square in the eye. “And since you haven’t either, my guess is they’ve fled the city. I have no idea where they could be.”

The two equalists looked at each other. Given the family’s high profile, it was common knowledge that the three who lived in the city weren’t the only sisters; the eldest of them lived in the Southern Water Tribe, and the second eldest lived on Kyoshi Island. Sure, they could still be in the city, but them having fled was equally possible. There was no way to be sure in that moment. They were at a standstill.

“May I go now?” the ever-growing impatient woman asked, “It’s been a long day, and I’d like to go home.”

The men nodded at each other and took their hands off their weapons.

“Don’t think we won’t be talking to you again.”

“Oh, I’m sure you will. Goodnight.” She turned around, reaching her hand out to open the car door. Seeing this, one of the equalists was hit with a realization. In one quick motion, he reached for his bolas, using it to grab the wrist of the woman in front of him.

“What are you doing!?” the now taken aback woman demanded.

“Uh, what are you doing?” the confused equalist asked.

“Kaida is right-handed.”

Her stomach plummeting, the woman looked down, seeing her left hand on the car’s handle.

Before the other equalist had time to react, Jia sprung into action. Using her unbound hand, she took advantage of the damp streets, and in one swift motion, a sharp slice of ice freed her from the bolas’ grasp. She ducked down just in time for the other equalist to draw his weapon, aiming for her, but instead hitting the car’s window, shattering the glass.

Kaida’s gonna kill me for that, Jia cringed.

Maneuvering her way out of the attack range, she bent as much water off the streets as she could. Immediately, she realized it wasn’t enough. As the men in front of her swung their weapons, she knew this was a fight she couldn’t win. She was outnumbered, low on ammo, and not to mention, there were pressing matters at hand.

“I don’t have time for this!” the waterbender shouted as she thrusted what little water she had at the men, knocking them down. “You know who I am! You know my profession! One of my patients is showing signs of pre-eclampsia, and I need to get to the hospital!” She swallowed hard. There was only one way out of this fight – one way they’d let her do what she needed to do. “If you let me attend to me patient, if you let me save mother and child… I’ll go with you willingly. I’ll surrender and allow Amon to take my bending.”

She studied the men closely. Though she couldn’t see their faces, she could tell by how long they looked at each other that this was a first for them.

“Do we have a deal?”

The seconds passed slowly, too slowly for Jia’s liking. Finally, they nodded at each other and stood up.

“There will be no funny business from you tonight,” one of them said, “If you double cross us, we know where to find your sisters. We will find them, and we won’t have mercy on them, or their children. Understand?”

Jia nodded. “We’ve wasted enough time. I need to get to the hospital.”

She walked past them, appearing as calm as ever as she got into the now damaged car. The two equalists got on their motorcycles, and they followed her to the hospital. Jia pulled into the staff parking lot, parking the car in the first spot she found. It wasn’t as packed as it usually was, the missing cars, Jia quickly noticed, all having belonged to the waterbending staff.

As she stepped out of the car, the equalists hopped off their bikes, following her as she made her way to the staff entrance. With the door just a few feet away, she suddenly stopped and turned around.

“Oh no, absolutely not. You’re not coming in here.”

Even without seeing their faces, Jia knew they were glaring at her.

“And why is that?”

“Why? This is a hospital, not an Equalist hangout! We may have a deal, but I will not compromise patient safety and privacy.” She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing into a glare. “So, unless you plan on holding the placenta for me, you’re not coming in.”

The two men cringed, very clearly disgusted as they glanced at each other.

“Remember what I said earlier,” the taller equalist said, his composure coming back to him, “We will find your sisters if you double cross us. We’ll be waiting for you right. Here.”

“Oh, of course.” Her arms fell and she held them behind her back. “Now if you excuse me, I have a job to do.” She spun around, turning her back to them as she walked through the double doors.

The rush of the running water was the only sound in the hospital locker room. Scrubbing her hands vigorously, Jia looked up at her reflection. Her dark brown hair was now pinned up and hidden under the bright blue surgical cap. She knew her sister didn’t have the same practical reason for wearing her hair up high, but it still baffled her why she wore hers so low. They may have the same face, but they had such different tastes in style.

Kaida put her life on the line to hide me and my family. Why am I critiquing her hair style right now?

Her light brown hands scrubbed nearly raw, Jia reached for the hand towel.

I wonder if they’ll let me go after they take my bending. Or will they hold me hostage? She wondered, Imnek won’t risk the girls’ safety; he’s not stupid. Akina would never give up her son like that, and Kaida wouldn’t betray her family, or put Kirika’s life on the line by revealing she’s been hiding us in the academy’s basement… but I wouldn’t put it past her or Akina to do something equally stupid to save me.

Her hands now dry, she forced the thought out of her mind as she turned and left the locker room.

It’ll be ok. You’ll be ok. Bending doesn’t define who you are. You’ll still be Jia, even without bending.

The halls of the hospital were long. Having worked there for over twenty years, she knew them well. She’d attended to many mothers, delivered many babies. More than she could possibly count. Her greatest breakthroughs were made within these walls. Nay, the world’s greatest breakthroughs. It was because of her research – combining her tribe’s ancient healing practices with modern medicine – that the nation’s maternal and infant mortality rates dropped so significantly. She accomplished so much, saved so many lives…

You can still do that. You can still be a doctor without bending… albeit, not as efficiently. But you can still teach your methods to new doctors. You can still be on the research board. Lives will still be saved. Your research won’t go in vein.

She rounded the corner and walked into her patient’s room, pushing her thoughts down and putting a comforting smile on her face. The heavily pregnant woman laid in bed, gripping her husband’s hand. It took only one look to determine just how nervous they were.

“We’re almost ready to take you back,” Jia said, her voice calm and professional, “Do you have any further questions?”

The woman looked to her husband, before sheepishly glancing at Jia. “Are you certain this is safe? Will I be able to have more children after this?”

Jia walked closer to her, grinning with assurance. This procedure was still relatively new, so it wasn’t uncommon for women undergoing it to be nervous, especially first-time mothers.

“It’s 100% safe and shouldn’t affect future fertility. I’ve seen many mothers go on to have more children after a surgical delivery.” Though her words calmed the couple significantly, she still saw worry in their eyes. “I can assure you, you’re in the best hands possible. My team and I have performed this procedure thousands of times. I even underwent it myself when I had my youngest.”

The woman was intrigued. “Oh?”

Jia nodded. “Yep. See, rather than present head, or even feet first, my daughter decided she wanted to lay sideways,” she explained, gesturing her hands across her stomach to illustrate her point.

“Oh my!”

Jia chuckled and shook her head. “That’s kids for you. Always gotta be different.”

The mere thought of her children gave her a sense of calm. Even if she was a lost cause, they would be safe. And once this was over, they’ll be able to go back home, go back to some kind of normalcy.

Losing your bending doesn’t mean losing everything. You’ll still be a doctor. You’ll still be Nasak and Uki’s mother. You’ll still have your family. You’ll still be you. Amon can’t take that away from you.

“We both made it through the procedure in good health,” Jia continued, “She’s a perfectly healthy teenager now, head of her school’s drama club and everything. You and your child will make it through, too.”

The couple grinned, visibly more relaxed. Before more could be said, two nurses came in, wheeling in a bed to transport the patient.

“Looks like we’re ready for you. It’s almost time to meet your baby.”

The woman gave a genuine smile and looked to her husband. “We’re almost parents!”

Her husband gave her a gentle kiss before the nurses started helping her onto the new bed.

Everything’s going to be ok... I hope.

The cold of the night became increasingly evident the longer the two equalists waited outside. It was one thing to be constantly on the move in this cold, but just sitting around waiting was something else entirely.

“Isn’t she done yet?” the taller of the two complained, rubbing his hands together, “How long does it take to deliver a baby?”

“You’d be surprised. When my nephew was born, it–” He cut himself off. His posture stiffened as realization hitting him like a frate train, something his companion immediately took notice of.

“What, you forget you were supposed to babysit or something?”

The other man didn’t respond right away. He briefly debated if he even should.

“… I’ve told you the story, right? When my sister was nine months pregnant, she was suddenly convinced something was wrong. She tried to tell the doctors, but they brushed her off. Something about nerves and being a first-time mother… but one finally listened to her.” His head hung low as he continued the story. “Turns out, she was in the early stages of placenta abruption. Dr. Jia admitted her to the hospital right away, and thank the spirits she did. Just two days later, she started hemorrhaging. If she hadn’t already been in the hospital, she would’ve bled out. It happened so fast…” He looked up at his companion. “Dr. Jia saved her life. She saved my nephew’s life. I didn’t remember her face until now. I didn’t know this Jia…”

The other equalist looked to him in sympathy. The two had known each other for a long time now. He’d even met this sister, briefly. He knew she and her baby were the only family he had. He knew they meant the world to him.

No other words were exchanged for the longest time. The only sound to be heard was that of the wind, and the occasional passing car.

“So… what do you wanna do?”

Jia stood in the hallway, staring at the exit. Her patient had delivered a healthy baby boy. Mother and child were in the clear, and both were doing well. At this point, Jia was comfortable enough to leave them in the care of the non-bending staff. Which meant she was out of time.

Taking a deep breath, she held her head high as pushed open the double doors. If nothing else, she would face this nightmare with dignity and honor.

As the night air hit her skin, Jia’s heart nearly stopped in shock. No one was there. The motorcycles were even gone. She was alone.

She looked around, careful not to let her guard down. They could still be there, ready to ambush her. It was when she spun around in the direction of the car that she noticed it; a piece of paper tucked underneath the windshield wiper. Approaching with caution, she walked over and picked it up. Her eyes widened as she read the words, unsure of that to make of it.

Wrong person. Sorry.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #the legend of korra #atla #tlok #lok #korra #sokka #suki #sukka #amon #equalist #my writing #the missing link #fan fiction #jia #kaida #akina #oc

14 notes · View notes

a-woman-apart · 4 years

Text

Separating the Boys from the Men

Yes, that title is click bait, and if you keep reading, you’ve been warned. I’ve got a lot to get off my chest, and it’s going to involve defending masculinity, femininity, and our right to BEHAVE LIKE CHILDREN FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES because in many ways, we already do.

Let’s get straight to the point. As Millennials, regardless of our age, financial status, or level of “success” (air quotes 100% intentional) we have been accused of being lazy, entitled, and way too enthusiastic about avocado toast. At the same time, we have been described as having enough power to decimate the napkin industry, the diamond industry, and the concept of traditional marriage. We have been accused of a collective “Peter Pan” syndrome, because we “refuse” to cut off papa’s apron strings and get off the proverbial mama’s teats.

Wonderful to know.

Let’s unpack the “lazy” bit. Supposedly, this is tied to the fact that we have access to higher education, we [often, not always] have parents who financially support or house us well into adulthood.

So now, my question is, Gen X (the entitled ones, ironically) and Salty Boomers, YOU DIDN’T?

What do you call that “inheritance” you received? What do you call that education your parents paid for that was less than 1/3 what we have to pay? For Boomers, how do you explain the lavish weddings, cheap [and apparently nuke proof] home appliances, and “nights out on the town” that you were able to afford by working at whatever passed for a McDonald’s back in the day? Working on a farm, at a grocery store, or in retail used to ACTUALLY provide a livable wage; for us, those are a “side hustle” and we still have to get a “big boy job” that usually requires an education that can put us over $100,000 in debt by age 30.

Hate to say it, but if you hadn’t made most of your income “during the War” or in the absolute economic boom that followed it, you wouldn’t survive 24 hours in our shoes before having an emotional collapse.

Despite the disastrous living conditions of the U.S. in the 21st Century, not much has changed in how men define their level of “manliness.”

Financial gains (stocks, bonds, portfolio, bank account)

Bro “gains” (a.k.a. “gym gains”, how “Gaston” they are, including whether they want to go for the Adonis, Apollo, or Brawny boi look, or just how far they can throw something or how “boyish” they look if strength isn’t an option and they suffer from femme-levels of body dysmorphia)

Body count (since we’re in a time of peace and not literally war, this is LITERALLY a modern term describing how many people you’ve slept with, and I have never heard an adult man, regardless of sexual orientation, who isn’t a little concerned about putting those notches in the bed post, and if not that, VERY concerned about his bedroom performance: it’s quality vs. quantity)

Kill death Ratio (I know this is a video game term now, but did you know that before video games, men in England used to regularly get on horseback, get a bunch of hounds together, and chase down tiny foxes and rabbits? FOR FUN?!?!? Did you know, that before modern sports ((including Esports)), men used to just fight to the death, regularly, even if an official war wasn’t going on? It was known as “dueling”, and in less socially developed societies, men still behave like this. So the next time you complain about “male rage” and how heartless it is to make live chickens fight, note that even though we’ve quelled male anger and hostility on some level, you will NEVER be able to take away man’s urge to destroy. Boys and men will always like knocking things over, building things from the rubble, and ruling shit. It’s what they do-- and we women can and do, too, but we have a LOT more risk-aversion and self-preservation, which is a blessing and a curse for our species-- but we just need to make sure humanity as a whole stays...chill)

So what, say ye, has changed about how WOMEN define themselves now vs. in the past. I would say that very little has changed, but the level of internalized misogyny, insecurity, and good-old fashioned denial has SKYROCKETED.

Let’s look at some terms of how the majority of women value themselves.

Financial Security (few women will admit to “wanting to be rich”, because that sounds kind of “Trump”, but plenty will talk about having minimum income requirements for their partner(s), wanting to retire at a young age so they can “travel the world”, wanting to eliminate their debts, etc. It’s different language but essentially it translates to: I want to work so hard or marry into so much wealth that I never want to worry about money after age 35. #Hustle)

Looks (it doesn’t matter if you want a Kardashian butt, you’re in the body positivity movement, or you just want to “dress like a bawse” women are just as obsessed with clothes, image, and body weight/shape/size as they ever were, it is just that now that we’ve “slain the patriarchy” we have more fashion options than ever before, because “boy clothes” are just as “in” as femme ones)

Ability to attract a partner (some women, like me, “chase”, but thanks to biology, most women, regardless of sexual orientation, seem to enjoy being pursued more than being Artemis-style hunters. This is evidenced by the fact that when the feminist owner of Bumble changed the rules of the dating website to where women had to start conversations with men rather than vice versa ((a move that had ostensibly zero effect on lesbian matching)) 72% of women that she later surveyed stated that they liked it better when men were approaching them rather than the other way around. I am sure Bumble’s female CEO was shook ((as was I)), especially because she made the change to empower women, and apparently 72% of women didn’t want the power because it meant they now had the power to face rejection, and it made them uncomfortable. Big yikes. So much for #EndPatriarchy and #ChivalryisDead ?)

Playing house (this is probably going to get me some unfollows, but I’ll take my chances. Women, regardless of sexual orientation, often seem to be REALLY into having babies or just “playing house.” There’s also men like this, too, “Family men” as they’re aptly called, men in love with fatherhood ((or just being called “daddy”, and that will never not be weird)). So many women who never want to pop out a baby describe being taken by an OVERWHELMING urge to fuck during their “fertile window” ((or is that just me?)) and seeing every baby alive as the cutest human being ever once we pass the tender age of 25. The biological clock is REAL, and I learned the hard way that being bisexual and having immense fear of pregnancy and childbirth didn’t spare me from the awful truth of my biology.

I really don’t want to keep making references to modern video games, but they seem to serve the dual purpose of being deeply satisfying and helping us to quell “problematic” urges, including that one to dominate and destroy the world. For a lot of women gamers, though, our choices ((on a broad scale, every #girlgamer is different)) deviate from men’s in some interesting ways.

#1: We still love The Sims Franchise way more than guys do

Not only do we love it, but while a lot of men (again, #notallmen) tend to build elaborate neighborhoods to extensively mod and destroy them in terrifying ways, I still see women gamers taking obscene amounts of time to design homes, raise happy little families, and cause TERRIFYING blood feuds by having Sims marry Sims from rival families ((I guess we’re more Shakespeare than we thought, eh ladies?))

#2: We make up most of mobile gaming

Most male gamers think mobile games “aren’t real” and I tend to agree, but a mobile game is invaluable for when I, a woman, have time to kill between the 3 jobs I hypothetically have and I and don’t want to whip out something like a Nintendo 2DS that is both unwieldly and attracts the eyes of every impoverished, thieving human being in a .5 mile radius. #RiskAversion. These games are often low-quality, mindless, and insanely easy, but that is WHY WE LIKE THEM. Our entire life is a job. #Hustle

#3 We also love farming sims and RPGs

While we-- and most male Millennials-- beg god to not have to birth calves, milk cows, or labor in the tomato fields under the hot sun, most of us have no objection to having our virtual avatars perform the same back-breaking tasks to the tune of cheerful chiptune music. Also, even though men definitely enjoy them, too, I have never met a woman gamer who didn’t enjoy a nice RPG; why do you think we’re such avid readers of fantasy/romance YA?

We want to be transported to a different world, and if you won’t take us there, we’re happy to go there virtually ((because we probably can’t afford travel; we’re still millennials)).

Ability to murder people who threaten our young or our partner(s) (Okay this one is a bit more complicated, but I’m just going to tell you a bit about female animals. DON’T MESS WITH THEIR BABIES IF YOU WANT TO LIVE. Human females, are, in that regard, just as savage, if not more so, than our male counterparts.

I’ve never heard of any woman ((outside of prison, maybe)) who killed another woman for “looking at her weird” or saying “your mama” too many times. I’ve heard plenty of women threaten literal murder because another woman ((or man, we’re #progressive)) came too close to her romantic/sexual partner, or another human being threatened harm on our kids or our “squad.”

I don’t know where the meme truly originated from, but “Don’t talk to me or my son ever again” is SUCH a Mom thing to say. So much misandry is wrapped up in the idea that men are predators, and that is true, but not in the excessively sexually deviant ways you think ((that’s only sometimes true)). They just like hunting things, including people, but if you give them a toy to play with ((I MEAN ACTUAL TOY OMG)) they seem alright. Let them go play with their cars, Xbox, [insert whatever] or something. They’re men, okay, they’re easily distracted/impressed/occupied.

Women, on the other hand, have seemed to be having an EXTREME amount of trouble curbing that baby-making urge, or the Excessive Nurturing Urge, that one that makes you ask your grown husband if he’s remembered to pack lunch for work or if he remembered to pack money for his playdate with his bros, because he’s gonna need money at Six Flags and you aren’t going to bring it to him because he should’ve remembered, you reminded him 30093390 times.

THAT’S NOT HIS FAULT. HE HAS MANAGED BY SOME MIRACLE TO STAY ALIVE FOR 33 YEARS. THAT’S YOU, SWEETIE. STOP BEING SUCH A MOM. GO BE A NURSE, DOCTOR, OR SOCIAL WORKER OR SOMETHING OMG.

In summary...

What separates the “men from the boys” or the “women from the girls” isn’t the era that we were born in to, our economic status, or whether we’ve been able to “conquer” our biology. That’s definitely not possible yet, chiefly because transhumanism involves a lengthy, ethics-guided process, and even if we all turn into cyborgs, the goal is to become BETTER humans, not LESS humane. Societal advancements have done more in terms of making us healthier, less destructive citizens of planet earth than raw technology ever can and ever will. Rapid technological advancement, when not combined with respect for morality, ethical standards of living for humans and all other life forms, almost always leads to human slavery, widespread abuse of animals, sex trafficking, and environmental destruction, because the “rules of supply and demand”, when not governed by strong international trade laws, dictate that consumers should be supplied with whatever they demand, because the suppliers can profit, and their right to profit should be defended at any cost.

So, in summary, I believe that “adulting” involves giving up on entitlement. What separates a truly childish human being-- regardless of their actual age-- from someone who is, in essence, “adulting” is experience, and how much those experiences serve to broaden that person’s perspective. It is an extremely childish, self-centered view, to think that you “deserve” anything for being “a good person” or, in the case of many a “woman child” or “man child” in media and in real life, just being “not so bad.”

Grown-ups are able and willing to do something that is known as “delaying gratification” which is the simple ability to delay a temporary pleasure for a long-term gain. Grown-ups are also able to perform true “cost-benefit analyses” to determine if a course of action, business deal, or even relationship is worth their time and effort. Finally, grown-ups are able and willing and able to make an informed choice and stick to it; in essence, we don’t try to “have our cake and eat it too” we understand that once we’ve eaten that cake, the cake is gone, but we also realize that if we are willing to work hard and make sacrifices, we can earn the ingredients to make ourselves another cake to eat, even if we might need a lot of help from other adults in getting those ingredients (we call this teamwork and cooperation).

Children, on the other hand (in literal and metaphorical terms), are very impatient. They get angry when things don’t go their way, and instead of taking the steps needed to improve their situation, they storm off and return home. It doesn’t matter if their home is with their parents, with their 3 roommates, or with their husband or wife, these people throw tantrums, refuse to communicate/cooperate, and stew in their displeasure until someone feels sorry for them and fixes their problem for them. They lack the ability to work through daily life problems and refuse to take any responsibility for how their actions or inaction contributed to their dilemma.

There is one difference with an actual human child or teen, though, is that they have an excuse. Their brains are still developing, and they haven’t had the chance to live through these situations yet; these are new challenges to them. Even if they do have a “bad attitude”, with help from peers and patients, principled adult mentors and teachers, these cantankerous kids can grow into well-adjusted, able adults. The high levels of neuroplasticity in their brains actually make it so that it is easier for them to accept large amounts of sensory data and to learn from processing and practicing using it.

An “adult child” is someone who, more often than not, has been coddled instead of challenged. These people have often faced no significant hardships in life. There is a reason why, even after we have recognized the immense downsides of authoritarian parenting and have demonstrated psychological harms of corporal punishment for kids, we still call “bad kids” and “irresponsible adults” spoiled.

Authoritarianism produces rigid, scared people who often struggle with critical thinking and self-esteem or end up being authoritarian parents themselves, but that last one is actually one of the less likely options. Children of authoritarian parents often develop Borderline Personality Disorder or become defiant against authority (shocker). Overly permissive or overly neglectful parenting, though, are parental styles most associated with producing narcissists, who often become authoritarian parents, because when their kids challenge them, they completely lack the patience or emotional capacity to deal with it and resort to “because I said so”, stonewalling and/or physical abuse as forms of “character-building.”

The reason why overly permissive parents spoil their kids is because kids actually do need discipline and guidance, and so these kinds of parents produce kids who are outwardly capable and confident but completely lack any of the life skills to justify it, and when they ask their parents for advice they are just met with a bunch of hippie mumbo jumbo or told to just avoid the conflict rather than resolve it. These kids grow into adults who are still sad little kids inside, because they never grew up, but now they’re sad little kids who are articulate and well-spoken and now can-- and often have no choice-- but to con their way through adult life because they’ve maxed out Charisma and they have almost no points in Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom, or Dexterity.

The only parenting style worse than Authoritarian and Neglectful/Permissive is Mixed, in which a child grows up in a COMPLETELY unpredictable environment where the rules of the game change from day to day, and parents either give their children no attention at all, or they practically lock them up and throw away the key. Being raised like this is associated with the worse outcomes for the child throughout life.

So, why am I now talking about parenting styles? Because, for all that we love to trash Boomers and large swaths of Gen X on this page, we can’t forget where they came from, so we cannot allow them to forget WHO THEY MADE. It isn’t an accident that even though we live in the times of incredible economic hardship, WE are the generation (and Gen Z, to some extent) that got hooked on reality TV, video games, and social media in incredibly unhealthy ways. A lot of us 30+ millennials are growing out of it, and a lot of us have realized that it is an invaluable (and damn near unavoidable) way of marketing our products and talents. We’re often self-employed because that’s our only option in most cases.

The issue with Gen Z (who, while we called “Zoomers” now just all themselves “Doomers” and I think we should be a bit concerned about that) is that unlike us, they have no memory of “Before the Internet.” We remember dial up, we remember before that when you played outside untl the sun went down. They don’t have the privilege of being linked to that history.

Now, we have to be the Bigger Person. It’s our time to be Grown-Ups. Gen Z feels really fucking lost right now, and hearing us whine about our parents probably makes them pretty pissed off, when some of us older millennials are the parents, aunts/uncles, and older siblings to Gen Z kids. Even if we can’t be mentors, we have to lead by example, because we have a responsibility to these kids. A lot of them aren’t stupid, they see exactly what’s happening and they feel incredibly hopeless about it. Greta Thunberg is still 16 years old. She shouldn’t be out there doing that; I mean seriously, climate change is accelerating, but it isn’t even as bad as Al Gore said, it’s still reversible, but the fact that SHE FELT SHE HAD TO makes us shitty people. ALL OF US.

So you know, we all need to stop being hypocrites. We need to stop being entitled. We need to stop thinking this is about us. It isn’t. Not even close. We’re not important, even if our videos go viral or if we’re swimming in cash next to hot models by a huge swimming pool. America’s fucked up. I hate to sound Republican, but it’s because of our values. We suck at valuing what’s important, and if we don’t change that soon, it’s really going to suck to live in America.

It already does.

8 notes · View notes

bethsuglywigs · 4 years

Text

2x01 q&a

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

There are many scenes in this episode I enjoy: Ruby in the Starbucks, Beth laughing because she thinks Dean is dead, Annie and Greg fake fighting, Marcus reveal, and every scene Turner is in...but the emmy goes to Rio shooting Dean...

Name a scene more iconic. You can’t.

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

It’s not a scene per se, but Stan’s lax of compassion for Beth and Annie seems out of place to me. I get that he’s mad, but he’s known them for literal decades. He probably knew Annie as a teenager and depending on when he met Ruby, maybe have even seen her grow up.

Their families are so close that Sara literally calls Dean “Uncle Dean” in this episodes. And yet Stan, an established loving and compassionate man, is like fuck ‘em. I would have preferred to see him struggle with it at least a little bit, but instead he acts like they are two random women he’s never met.

This is just part of an underlying weakness in the writing. They keep telling us that the families are close...they just aren’t showing it to us.

3. How much physical pain did s1 ending on a Stan and Ruby fight and s2 starting on a Stan and Ruby fight cause you?

It really does hurt to see them fight. But at the same time, their fighting shows how deeply in love they are and how much they care about each other. Stan and Ruby are always fighting to find a way back to each other. It really contrasts with Beth and Dean, who are never fighting for their love (because they aren’t in love I stand by that). We get to see the way crime impacts these two long-term marriages and it’s really significant how the show consistently shows how Stan is angry with Ruby because she lied to him and risked being taken from their family while Dean is mad about the lose of control over Beth.

Overall I hate when Stan and Ruby fight, but it really does highlight the depth of their love and the solid foundation of their marriage.

4. Do you think Rio went to Beth’s house with a plan? Do you think he knew he was going to shoot Dean? What do you think he thought would happen when he passed Beth the gun?

Yes I think he had a plan. Rio is known to stalk Beth a bit so he definitely knew she was out of the house. I think he fully intended on waiting for her to get home and intimidating her to teach her a lesson. I don’t think Dean was necessarily a part of Rio’s plan at first, but I think he knew he was going to shoot Dean by the time Beth got home (how long did he wait...imagine having to spend any amount of time with Dean...i’d shoot him too).

I think Rio was pretty confident Beth wouldn’t shoot him. I think that part of his plan happened exactly as he planned it. I think he mostly just wanted to imply to her that he has killed before and that the only way she can get rid of him is to kill him (which he doesn’t think she can do).

5. What do you make of Beth’s reaction that Dean was alive?

I think she had already come to terms with the fact that he was dead and that it was her fault. And there was a part of her that was glad to be free of him. I think part of the reason she feels so guilty when he survives is that apart of her wanted him to be dead.

6. Turner has so many great scenes this episode, from the one where he throws Boomer against the wall and threatens him, to heeeyyyyy~ing Beth and talking about her, ahem, playdate with Rio, to their later conversation when Beth tells him she did his job for him, to his last scene with Boomer. Which was your fave, and tell us why!

The buckle scene. I think Turner is a bit dismissive of Beth. I think he thinks she a bored housewife in over her head (and to a degree, she is). In this scene, I think he full expected her to admit her guilt and the fact that she insults him instead really wounds his pride.

Rio would definitely be a big collar if Turner were able to actually lock him up and yet he becomes way more interested in Beth (who could be a serious asset to him). I truly believe this scene is the turning scene in his fixation with her.

7. Greg and Annie almost get sprung by Ben! Putting the situation with Nancy aside for this particular episode (we have plenty of time to get to that later, haha), what do you think Ben thinks of Annie and Greg’s relationship as he knows it to be on the show, and do you think he’d ever be onboard with them getting back together?

I don’t think he would want them back together. Ben is very mature and I think he would find their high school antics to be annoying. Additionally, I think we would be very hurt when they inevitably breakup again.

8. Stan wants Ruby to throw Beth and Annie under the bus. It’s pretty brutal for a character who’s frequently so generous and empathetic. What do you think this tells us about Stan’s headspace at this point, and how he views Ruby’s actions? And what his relationship is to Beth and Annie?

See question 2...this just doesn’t hit for me.

9. The crime plot this episode is a little different! With Annie and Beth scheming to get into the DNA delivery truck, and Ruby’s amazing Starbucks distraction. What do you think of this overall? Do you think it would’ve worked? And what do you think Beth and Annie abandoning the scheme after realising there were rape kits in the van tells us about them as characters?

I think it probably would have worked. The driver would have had to report the damage to the truck which probably would at least give Beth grounds for an appeal if she was convicted.

I know they don’t have any money, but Beth should have just gone for a consultation with a lawyer. She would have known that her DNA on a pen cap wouldn’t really be enough to convict her.

I did generally like the idea that Beth and Annie are empathetic to other women and that they couldn’t bring themselves to destroy the evidence.

9. The reveal that Nancy’s pregnant inspires a pretty huge reaction in Annie that bookends her reaction to finding out Greg and Nancy were trying back in 1.08. What do you think has changed across these three episodes that made Annie lean into her affair with Greg? And why do you think she handles the news in the way she does when she knows that Nancy’s on fertility treatment?

Eh this plot point feel a little flat for me because they really already did it in S1. I think the writers just didn’t know what other storyline to do with Annie so they just rinsed and repeated this one.

10. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you hate Boomer in his scene with Mary Pat?

10/10 just for Boomer being in the scene. 100000000/10 for how he manipulates Mary Pat into a relationship with him, especially knowing what he does to her.

11. The Marcus reveal! Did you see it coming before you watched the episode the first time? And how do you feel about it as a character choice for Rio, a connecting point for Rio and Beth, and for the story overall? Do you like it? Not like it? Tell us everything!

I love Marcus. He’s my second favorite child.

I didn’t see the Marcus reveal coming...which brings me to my they aged Rio up when the made him Beth’s love interest. I simply don’t believe s1 Rio had a child. Marcus was born and raised during the hiatus. But I do think Marcus adds a lot to Rio’s character. Before, he was just a bit too nebulous...too mysterious, but Marcus really does ground him a person. It shows he has a life outside of crime, implies he has a family, and implied that his motivations might not be so different from Beths.

Beth and Rio’s strengths as love interests really come from their similarities. They are truly two sides of the same crazy coin. And the addition of Marcus ties them together in another way.

Furthermore, Marcus is cute as hell and his little smile add to my viewing experience.

#gg rewatch

6 notes · View notes

addictivegerard · 3 years

Text

why the prolife argument makes no sense

I think it’s hilarious how right wing “facts don’t care about your feelings” activists are almost always pro-life. The argument against abortion as an accessible form of birth control is 100% an emotional appeal, and here’s why:

1. “You have no right to kill your fetus. It’s not your body, the baby is an individual and has the right to life.”:

Of course, all embryos are human individuals, separate from their mothers. They have their own unique DNA composition, and are definitely alive. But do they deserve the right to life, which would make abortion equivalent to murder?

Pro-lifers are largely okay with IVF, an industry that throws away and destroys millions of fertilized embryos every day. In-vitro fertilization is an uncertain science, so couples are advised to fertilize multiple eggs in the labs in case the first few don’t work out. If a couple succeeds and have extra embryos left, they have the option to continue paying to store them in the lab, donate them to medical research, or destroy them.

Anti-abortion bills always have exceptions for IVF clinics. Republican, pro-life lawmakers have literally had children via IVF. If a pro-lifer ever tells you that life begins at conception and that every embryo has the right to life, know that it’s bullshit. They don’t care about an industry that kills more embryos in a day than Planned Parenthood does in a year.

2. There are two possible responses to this.

A) “Fine, let’s ban IVF.” Out of all the conservative groups in America, only one major group explicitly stands against IVF – the Catholic Church. The same organization that condemns sex before marriage, homosexuality, divorce, masturbation/porn, the use of condoms, getting drunk or high, and tattoos. At this point, I’m assuming you understand that the Church’s ideas of morality are regressive, illogical, primitive, and… make life extremely boring. IVF is a wonderful science that brings children to parents who want them all over the world and is in no way a bad thing.

B) “Fine. Maybe not at conception, but at [x] months, it’s a baby.” This is the point where most conservatives start arguing about the point up till you should be allowed to have an abortion. Two weeks? Six weeks? Three months? Unfortunately, there is no scientific way to determine when an embryo is no longer just a clump of cells and now a human being with rights.

Since pro-lifers are okay with IVF, we can assume they don’t believe in the right to life at conception. How about the heartbeat theory? At six weeks, the fetus develops a heartbeat, and proponents argue that it is the point at which the fetus is no longer simply a fetus, but a human being. However, having a heartbeat doesn’t necessarily mean you have the right to life.

Legally, if you are brain dead, you’re… dead. You no longer have the right to life, which is why organ donation is possible. All this while having a heartbeat, so that’s clearly not a viable hallmark of an individual that inherently has the right to life. So while it's true that at six weeks a baby develops (what is flimsily termed as) a heartbeat, that doesn't somehow give it rights to life that it did not have before. So far, I haven’t come across any other sensible theories as to “when” an embryo deserves the right to life. It’s a lousy concept to begin with, as blurry as the legal definition of adulthood – not all 18+ year olds are mature and nothing fundamentally changes in a person once the clock strikes midnight. Similarly, embryo development is a process. There’s really no point at which you can logically claim it’s transformed into a human being with rights.

3. Evidently, there are two extremes — life begins at conception, vs life doesn’t begin until birth.

There’s no “scientific backing” for a point in between, but you’ll never find a pro-choice advocate arguing in favor of the latter, because it’s called an extreme for a reason. The best way to deal with the abortion issue at this point is to leave the science and technicalities alone, and think about the people who are actually getting abortions.

4. “Use protection and you won’t get pregnant”:

Protection is never 100% reliable. Plus: if two people are irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex, what makes you think they’re responsible enough to have and raise children? The number of children growing up with unqualified, immature, abusive, or neglectful parents automatically disproves the theory that parenthood brings about a sense of personal responsibility. Being raised by bad parents inflicts often irreparable damage on children. Treating babies as some sort of “divine punishment” for irresponsible sex, instead of human beings who deserve a stable upbringing, is harmful on both an individual and collective scale. The data on irresponsible, neglectful, or abusive childhoods/single parent childhoods speaks for itself. In the quest to punish irresponsible parents, most of the damage is inflicted on their children, which in turn impacts the generation that will lead us forward into the future. It is in our best interests to raise as many mature, healthy, and productive young adults as possible, and while not every child born into these circumstances live lives of mental health/psychological/intimacy issues and criminal behavior, a large majority do. Growing up with bad parents is simply not ideal for an impressionable child’s wellbeing. Quality of life > quantity of life.

5. “Don’t have sex if you don’t want to have children.”:

Unhelpful, unrealistic, and telling of no real desire to solve the problem at hand. Telling people not to have sex unless they deliberately intend to have children is like telling people not to smoke, drink too much, or eat unhealthily. People will have sex. What are we going to do to make sure the sex doesn’t lead to unplanned pregnancies?

6. “Okay but what about xyz who had an abortion and has regretted it ever since?”:

Abortion is a result of unplanned and unfortunate circumstances. Whether it’s because the doctor tells you your baby will be stillborn or born with a fatal illness, or if you were raped, or if you had sex with your boyfriend during your first year of college and found yourself pregnant: these are bad situations, and no matter what you do, there’s always a chance you’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently. Kept the baby? Well, maybe you’ll find that the baby brought newfound purpose to your life. But maybe the baby added an additional financial strain to your life and forced you to quit your job, leaving you destitute and homeless with no way to feed it. Alternatively, if you got an abortion, maybe you end up being able to finish college and fulfil all your goals... or maybe you regret that decision for the rest of your life. There’s no way to guarantee that you’re making the right decision, but being informed about your options, and having options available, makes it more likely that you do. That’s why we are advocating for informed choice. Whether they eventually choose to keep the baby or have an abortion, give women the time and resources to truly evaluate their options and do what’s best for them in their own circumstances.

7. “Why kill the baby? Put it up for adoption.”:

The adoption system is known for being isolating, exploitative, and unhealthy for children growing up in it. Being adopted into a great family can create healthy, happy young adults. But far too many kids don’t get that opportunity, and pay the price for it. In 2019, 122,216 children in the US adoption system were waiting to be adopted. Young people who age-out of the foster care system without being adopted are over-represented in rates of incarceration, suicide and substance abuse.

Granted, for some kids it’s a better alternative to the families they would have grew up in, but again: it’s an unideal situation. An unideal situation that can very easily be avoided with abortion. Why would a person choose 9 months of labor, plus all the emotional labor of having to give your child away to a system that more likely than not will eat them alive, knowing they will grow up asking themselves why they weren’t good enough for their birth parents, when the person could… simply not have that baby and not invite all that pain?

8. “It doesn’t matter, no one has the right to take another life.”:

Here’s another way of looking at the abortion question: the fetus is in a position where its existence impinges on its mother’s bodily integrity, and it stays in that position until the point of viability (at which it could plausibly survive outside the mother’s body) at about 24 weeks. One person’s bodily integrity will always override another person’s right to life; this is a fundamental truth. Otherwise, we would have mandatory kidney and liver donations. People all over the world are dying due to a lack of kidneys or other organs - why should we be allowed to keep both of ours when one of them could save someone’s life?

Let’s say I caused a car accident that resulted in someone needing a kidney donation. It’s my fault they’re in that position, and I was negligent - should I be legally obligated to give mine up?

If the idea of being forced to donate one of your kidneys sounds violating, you’re closer to understanding why forcing someone to have a baby is such a barbaric thing to do. Even if the risk is small - kidney donations have a death rate of about 0.03% while childbirth is at 0.02% in the US - it’s still wrong to force something so invasive and risky onto someone against their will. Additionally, there are many complications that can arise from pregnancy short of death, just like there can be consequences to living your life with only one kidney down the line.

To summarize:

It is definitively not in anyone’s best interests to force unwilling and unprepared parents to have an unwanted child. It’s also not a good idea to get too deep into the technicalities of when an embryo is a fetus or when you’re allowed or not allowed to abort it. We need to focus on the women who are actually getting abortions. Having a baby is a huge life adjustment. Keep it, and you’re taking on an 18-year responsibility. You are responsible for another person’s wellbeing, and your life will never be the same.

In three months (about 12 weeks), a potential mother can: find out that they’re pregnant (missing periods is extremely common. A lot of women only find out they’re pregnant at two months, or 8 weeks), think about their financial, professional, social, romantic, or whatever situation and figure out what would be the best course of action, and then actually get the abortion if she chooses to. 12 weeks is enough, 12 weeks is reasonable, 12 weeks is humane. Nobody wants third-trimester abortions unless there are serious, life threatening complications.

The pro-life argument is reduced down to: well, abortion is bad! That's a little innocent baby. It didn't hurt anyone. Well, we agree: abortion is bad. It’s not a good thing, it’s not something people want to have to do. Nobody looks forward to giving or receiving an abortion, it’s physically painful and often heart-breaking. But is it as bad as forcing a woman to go through hours of excruciating, potentially life-threatening labor for a child she doesn't even want to have? Is it as bad as enforcing serious health, financial, emotional, social, and professional risks on a woman who knows she is in no way ready to give a baby the life it deserves? Is it worse than having to drop out of school with no way to feed your child? Worse than having to give your baby away to an adoption center, where they’re likely to join the hundreds of thousands of unadopted children? There are evils, and then there are greater evils. Abortion may not be ideal, but for some people, it's the best option out there. When broken down, the pro-life argument is nothing but sad, provocative videos & descriptions of surgical abortions intended to pull at your heartstrings. But they’re sometimes the best option for the mother and her unborn baby. Nobody is pro-abortion — we’re pro-choice.

#abortion #prolife #prochoice #reproductive rights #reproductive health #adoption #sex ed #okay phew #had to get this out of my system

2 notes · View notes

fuwafuwamedb · 4 years

Text

Blue Feather Pt 7 (Hakuno, Gilgamesh)

Previous: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six

___

There she was.

Sitting up, yawning lightly as she lay in a thick collection of blankets. Her eyes drifted over to him, no doubt taking in the poor hair style coming undone and the rain having drenched him into a state of disarray.

Enkidu was inching towards the bed, glancing between him and her for direction.

On the one hand, the pup loved to climb onto the bed and make messes.

On the other hand, he did not appreciate having to clean up said mess after Enkidu would decide to enjoy themselves to the fullest extent.

“You’re all wet, aren’t you?” Hakuno cooed, rubbing the pup’s ears after a moment. She was moving a little, smiling softly to the beast. Her legs were sliding slowly from the bed, baring themselves to his view. The fabric he’d thrown her in glimmered, doing nothing to help with the sleepy, vulnerable sight that she made.

“Your farm has survived.”

Hakuno looked up, seeing him motion to the outdoors.

“I’ve been ensuring the upkeep, since you decided to risk yourself for my behalf.”

“You… You were bleeding out and were close to death.”

Semantics. He shrugged off the words before pulling off his shoes.

There was no sense in remaining here much longer. Tomorrow, he would investigate a few more maps and finally find familiar terrain so he could return to his home. It wouldn’t be terribly difficult and, since the grounds here were so fertile, it meant he would have an easy time coming back and taking over. Cu Chulainn and Hakuno could be spared, absorbed into Uruk’s citizens. The rest of them?

Well, they were matters for later.

“Thank you.”

She was still eyeing him strangely, despite the gratitude.

“You shouldn’t rescue people lying about outside so easily,” he pointed out, earning a nod.

She continued to wait, staring at him.

“Along with that, your home is tiny. You have more than enough land, yet you waste the space on nothing. Build a route indoors to your barn and coop as well. This rain is not something to think so little of. It comes down by the bucket.”

“Um… Has anyone… Has anyone visited?”

Hmm?

Was she waiting for someone to visit her?

None of them were truly worth waiting on. That mutt of a man, Cu, was chasing skirts. That useless purple moss haired boy, Shinji, deserved to have his body thrown into the nearest pit. And then there was Leo, the self-proclaimed ruler of this area, who needed to be taken down a good peg or eight. Had the fool owned a kingdom closer to Uruk, he would have sent his weakest troops to bring back his head.

Then he would let the kids use it for a ball.

“I was just curious,” Hakuno replied. “The blue feather is not normally worn like that.”

Was he still wearing it?

Gilgamesh let his hair down, pulling the thing out and scoffing.

“It was the least offensive adornment I’ve found and it keeps my hair in place.”

“I see.”

“It is not as though I like the thing.” He set the feather on the table. “Also, are you good with a pair of sheers?”

It took a good ten minutes to get her moving. He brought her to the table and set her on the flat surface, handing her the scissors he had attempted to use before. Her eyes went to his a moment as she brushed through the lengthy hair.

“Are you sure about this?” She asked.

“Are you incapable of trimming?”

“I’ve done it before.”

She better have cut Leo’s hair or something. He was the only one close to a decent haircut.

The first few strands were cut through and, with great trust he didn’t truly feel, he left his fate in her hands. His attention went to the feather sitting beside the brush and the woman. He could see more and more of his hair falling, his head beginning to feel lighter.

Enkidu wagged their tail nearby, watching them.

“You never did tell me if company came over,” Hakuno pointed out.

“You’ve had plenty. They’re idiots.”

The woman nodded, leaving him to sit there as she trimmed around one of his ears. The light snipping filled the air. The silence, although it may have been comfortable enough for her, was not for him. The pitter pattering of rain didn’t help either.

“You don’t seem surprised by my statement.”

“Everyone’s an idiot, but the people here can be a pain. They mean well though and a few are my friends. If the worst they are is simply idiots, then I think I’m doing alright. There are worst people out there.”

True, but that didn’t excuse anything.

“Let me turn your head,” she murmured.

He turned it for her, glancing towards the kitchen area.

“Any house improvements will be a bit hard,” the woman confessed. “My family comes to visit often and they’re not huge on changing anything. Getting them to move out and let me have my own peace here was difficult enough.”

“Unmarried women shouldn’t live alone.”

“I managed for long enough.”

Had she?

The state of the place said she was scraping by, but not by much. The fact that most the people in the town had talked about their concern for her only made it more obvious that she needed someone around.

“I need to see the back,” she told him.

He turned again, closing his eyes.

Adopting a wife was probably not the smartest choice right now.

Sure, he’d lost immortality to a snake and still had to live…

No, he wouldn’t think about how his venture away from Uruk had been all for naught. Right now he was fixing his appearance. Once that was done, he could do a great deal more.

The scissors were set on the table, abandoned a moment before Hakuno was moving those hands through his hair. She leaned a bit closer, brushing the loose hair most likely. Perhaps she was also looking for any spots she may have missed, since her hands were running through his hair a bit more than even the removal of some loose, stray hairs.

“I’m done.”

He went to the mirror near the bathroom, finding his own more familiar appearance looking back at him.

That was the king he was, right there.

“Adequate,” he told her.

“I’m surprised,” she replied, picking up the feather from her side.

“About?”

She had done an excellent job on his hair. Normally, these useless women in the kingdom would fail to trim his hair properly. They would try for straight lines and make awkward, crooked lines. Instead, his hair looked as though his own mother had been tending to it. Her or Siduri.

She had even gotten the sideburns nicely.

Impressive. Impressive.

She had been most suitable.

“Well, the blue feather is a proposal item. I didn’t think you would wear it so proudly and declare yourself my husband. I had just hoped my family would give you a break if they came to visit and you presented it before them.”

“Husband?”

He froze, glancing over to see her nod.

She stood up on her wobbly legs, her smile still as calm as ever.

“That is what the feather means. Anyone who would see it would know that you are my husband… How many people did you see?”

All of them.

He’d seen the whole damn village.

#drabble #drabbles

10 notes · View notes

flyonthewallmedstudent · 4 years

Text

Things we don’t talk about enough... in fertility and maternity.

“I felt like I failed,” Obama told Roberts. “Because I didn’t know how common miscarriages were. Because we don’t talk about them.”

When Michelle Obama opened up her fertility issues, it lead to the “Michelle Obama effect”. More women sought help for fertility.

Even then, after wards, I still found myself in various circles of friends and acquaintances where certain things were not spoken of. Or people came out of the wood work to talk to me about after I found out I was pregnant.

In just developing countries, up to 1/4 of women suffer from infertility, according to the WHO.

I can remember now looking back at some of my uni friends talking about fertility issues even in their 20s. They got married young, wanted children younger and to everyone’s surprise, not all of them conceived straightaway or even within a year. One as it turned out, was then diagnosed with PCOS.

Things came out more as I got pregnant. Friends worried about their own biological clocks, and my pregnancy got them thinking more about how long they should put it off for. Or them saying they’re worried about their fertility. Even other doctors - although we know how to utilize the healthcare system to explore this - it’s hard nonetheless to face and not just talk about, but to think about. If you want a child with your other half and to start a family so badly, it’s hard to face the possibility of being infertile. But even doctors, we don’t get taught a lot about infertility in med school. Often there’s the perception that it goes from, can’t conceive? to IVF is the next direct step? It’s often not. there’s other steps in between.

Even my male friends - newlyweds - complained about how their new wives were distressed by fertility. And the fact that in some circles (such as religious ones) it’s not openly talked about.

In particularly socially conservative religious or cultural circles, to talk about fertility or having children means you have to talk about sex. Not necessarily the case, but it’s all taboo anyway.

Men worry about fertility too, it hurts them too. But we primarily attribute fertility and ticking biological clocks to women.

The other thing we don’t talk about enough, is that breast feeding can be hard.

I’ve had several friends (young parents) openly come out and say that - if you have trouble breast feeding, don’t beat yourself up. Seek help. Or use formula. Don’t be made to feel guilty because midwives/hospital or society makes you feel like a failure if you struggle to breast feed.

Yes breast fed is best, but priority is a healthy baby (who isn’t failing to thrive or starve) and bonding between mom and baby. Some of my friends couldn’t get the baby to latch or get the hang of it for 6 months. The emotional trauma wasn’t insignificant, because they all very much wanted to breast feed. Few intelligent women in this day and age, are going to be against breast feeding.

Yet I went away from midwife lead birthing classes, consistently with the message that formula is bad, it’s taboo. Hours were spent selling the benefits of breastfeeding. Yes we get it. One midwife even lashed out when a father asked if formula is offered at the hospital should they need it. Another parent in the class stepped in to say - I think he’s trying to say what if his wife isn’t able to produce milk those first few hours?

the other things I know from med school that isn’t talked about sufficiently is the trauma of labour. Incontinence (bowel and bladder) which can be permanent if there is significant uterine prolapse or tearing. Or trauma. IN the worse case, it requires corrective surgery.

Post partum sex, you never hear about this either. But it significantly impacts a relationship and maternal emotional health. Like who talks about how you may not get back to normal for months to a year? If not longer if it’s significantly traumatic.

Most of the time, I hear more about mothers feel like failures if they go with Caesareans instead of natural. If medically indicated, there is no failure. You’re trying to have a healthy baby and minimize trauma to mother and child. [Addit - Caesars aren’t without risk either, because it is surgery at the end of the day, but you do it, if it’s necessary to ensure safety of baby and mom]

Pregnancy and labour are natural. Very natural things. But as with anything, anything can go wrong and it won’t always be perfect. It’s weird that we can’t always freely talk about the things that can go wrong. Some midwifery groups believe it will scare off women from natural vaginal deliveries. But I think it makes it worse, not preparing them sufficiently. Making them feel like failures if it doesn’t work out.

Why can’t we be open about it and recognize that things occur? and then acknowledge that it’s okay, and provide support?

Netflix, by the way, has come out with a new series - “Sex Explained”, where they have episodes on fertility, birth control and childbirth. [[[Addit: It’s not an evidenced resource by any means, but it opens up a lot of balanced and interesting discussions.]]]

“I think sometimes the voices there in the movement can push themselves into a particular set of choices. And rather than saying “let’s empower people to make whatever choices they want,” they say, “let’s empower them to make these particular sets of choices.”

#obstetrics #fertility #maternity #breast feeding #pregnancy

35 notes · View notes

arcadia-trash · 5 years

Text

Basic Reproduction, Pregnancy, and Childbirth info for fanfic writers

As a mom myself as well as a future midwifery student, one thing that can really get me out of the escapism of fanfiction is the inaccurate or awkward depiction of pregnancy and childbirth. Whether because it is overly simplistic, written traumatically, or shares misguided ideas surrounding fertility and childbearing, it just really has me not enjoying the content despite it being a good story otherwise. The downside of being well-versed on a certain topic is that you become quite good at seeing misconceptions about it in fiction!

And especially since so many fanfic writers are either too young to be parents or are childless, I felt: hey, why not help out a lil bit? I love your stories and growth as a writer, so I think it’s only fair that I can contribute in some way. It’s not so much a how-to guide, mostly just basic resources to study from or refer to, but I do have a small commentary here and there.

I tried to make the list as encompassing as possible, to include resources that could help with fantasy, sci-fi settings, as well as ideas for non-human characters. So this list is for more than just typical human stuff!

You can read more below the cut:

Fertility Awareness, Health, and Birth Control:

This part is important to fully understand how and why a pregnancy can occur. Contrary to what a lot of people learn, you actually CAN’T get pregnant on any day of the menstrual cycle -- and birth control can fail in various ways even when used correctly. I figured this would help writers better describe how a character falls pregnant by way of BC failure, and not keep it so vague and mysterious. And hey, if that means free sex ed for teen and adult writers, then more power to them. :)

fertilityfriday.com

larabriden.com

avivaromm.com

factsaboutfertility.org

bedsider.org

Pregnancy:

Pregnancy can vary wildly in experiences, so I tried to include mostly resources for pregnant parents that take this into consideration. You can also find info on pregnancy stuff in resources listed in the childbirth list!

babycenter.org (they also have info on raising kids up to five years of age!)

americanpregnancy.org

womenshealth.gov

Childbirth:

My favorite part! Here you will find lots of birth stories -- all quite varied -- and will give insight into how birth can play out. The resources above also discuss childbirth.

midwiferytoday.com

birthwithoutfearblog.com

spinningbabies.org (they have a blog you can read from)

evidencebasedbirth.com

A really neat article about a really neat midwife! https://www.healthline.com/health/betty-ann-daviss-midwife-breech-births

You can also search for birth videos on youtube. Just be careful -- they are often “graphic” in that they don’t blur out genitalia or blood (both of which is normal in birth btw, but it may come as a shock to some out there) and I found a few (not many, but enough) birth videos where women were verbally harassed by care providers. Just sharing this so that you can decide for yourself if it’s worth searching.

Postpartum (post-birth recovery):

Most of the pregnancy and birth info I post above will comment on postpartum recovery and traditions. However, here are more specific resources that can be useful for writers.

slowpostpartum.com

postpartum.net

postpartumresourcegroup.net

article comparing postpartum recovery traditions around the world: https://www.scarymommy.com/postpartum-care-is-better-other-countries/

LGBT representation:

I know a lot of fanfic writers use their craft to share their desire for positive LGBT stories. If this is your thing, here are some parenting and pregnancy resources that real LGBT people use when growing a family; it will help keep the realism respectful and accurate when writing for your LGBT character(s).

La Leche League on chestfeeding/breastfeeding for LGBT parents: https://www.laleche.org.uk/support-transgender-non-binary-parents/

You can follow the Queer Doula on facebook for ideas and information on LGBT birth as well, they are Non-Binary: https://www.facebook.com/TheQueerDoula/

Badassmotherbirther and The Warrior Within Birth Services also occasionally share LGBT posts and encouragement (also on facebook)

POC-specific resources for cultural sensitivity:

I hate lumping all non-white cultures into one “POC” grouping, but I felt this would be the easiest way to keep the list organized. I included organizations run by and for Indigenous and Black women, since they face the most discrimination in the birthing world. I was going to link resources for Latino families as well but I couldn’t find any, sorry. :(

Indigenous Breastfeeding Counselor: https://www.facebook.com/IndigenousBreastfeedingCounselor

Indigenous Birth Workers Network: https://www.wisewomengp.org

Wuttahminneoh Birth Work (I am so sorry for the funky link facebook will literally not give me another URL): https://www.facebook.com/heartberry.bw/?__xts__[0]=68.ARAsiZyY90fZivjKJkF0MtcjMTiRhOHOT0Q-QiJe3FTwFJfBpKtNDMsQQLog8A2Uv0VC7ki5CRKR9Oi8RNuR2RHAHVmAm3aHQxTmuo5tvpFu4i7lZfMlnFmo8LTVc8-Qfd6wnA1itDCh4o4qtc45MUJI9NZh4lvVBXhLbnMGck6AiDUzFjrIyDikppt4lnX1jjFzkx-g5QCapbeX3BqpuWWvtHpw35L7QzbmOoyW-1iFi4S2s997u795VFAKLVEkqWTFyzmZhJdZbGd3gzt2lzJ-jB1crYe-y-eaLrbnBYmfar8UYToVNu-hOCVojr3pnLfaZn-tIwxwiXyBXz-jnwkCt52mrKaVagcK6l6GkzE91pN8GncBkQ

A Story of Indigenous Birth Justice: http://micemagazine.ca/issue-two/story-indigenous-birth-justice

National Black Midwives Alliance: https://blackmidwivesalliance.org

Black Women Do Breastfeed: https://blackwomendobreastfeed.org

Different types of reproduction in the animal and plant kingdoms:

I’m not much an expert in this area, though I do find it fascinating. If you would like to use ideas from nature for head canons about non-human races, then go nuts -- the natural world is full of inspiration!

Plant-based biology:

https://byjus.com/biology/plant-kingdom-plantae/

https://www.britannica.com/science/plant-reproductive-system

Animal-based biology:

https://www.britannica.com/science/animal-reproductive-system/Sponges-coelenterates-flatworms-and-aschelminths

https://byjus.com/biology/animal-kingdom/

Asexual vs Sexual Reproduction:

https://biologywise.com/asexual-vs-sexual-reproduction

And youtube has a lot of documentary videos of animals giving birth if you want to check it out.

A note on traumatic/dramatic birth scenes:

I, personally, have a special request:

PLEASE stop writing traumatic birth scenes.

No death of the mother or the baby. No focus on out of control pain or death by infection or “““blood loss”““. No birthing during a battle or other climatic event.

In the United States and other parts of the world, millions of women struggle with PTSD or postpartum mood disorders due to mistreatment and trauma experienced at birth, and many more are simply surrounded by negative depictions of birth in mainstream media.

Women are told, every day through common media tropes, that birth is scary and anything can go wrong and that they have no choice in how birth may or may not turn out. While it is true that something may require medical attention, most pregnancies are low risk, and many complications at birth or after birth occur because of medical negligence or lack of informed consent. But this mistreatment and negligence is often put into the spotlight as a way to sanctify care providers and scaremonger women about their bodies.

If you would like to do a small part in normalizing fertility, pregnancy, and birth, then I humbly request that you do so by keeping birth simple and refreshingly non-traumatic. If you absolutely MUST have a dramatic birth scene, at least keep it accurate to what can actually happen, and warn your readers ahead of time on where to skip the scene. An author did that for a trauamtic birth in a fic I read, and it was a lifesaver for me. I did not have to re-live my own trauma from my first birth, and instead was able to focus on the story outside of it.

Otherwise, I would much prefer to read a silly, happy, or even just plain old NORMAL birth scene myself. I never see this. Often the birth scene is either traumatic/dramatic as an excuse to hurt or kill off a character, or it is comedic to make fun of natural birth. For once, I would adore to see a birth just as it is: a powerful moment where a mother (and father or other parent) meets her child, whether naturally without medical intervention or during a healing, family-centered c-section. When it comes to positive and accurate representation, birth is sorely in need of it! If you have a hard time of knowing where to start, just read the many positive birth stories out there -- they are great for inspiration and encouragement.

Thank y’all for reading, it means a lot. :)

**NOTE** I may expand this list in the future. If you would like to add anything here, please let me know.

#writing resources #writing reference #pregnancy #childbirth #postpartum #parenthood

36 notes · View notes

kasaron · 4 years

Note

Tbh I never really got how people could be ambivalent about abortion, could you explain your reasoning a bit more? I mean, the pro-life position (mine) has always been that it's murder (the killing of an innocent human life), and the pro-abortion side is that it's just a clump of cells and therefore shouldn't be given priority over the mother ever. Either it's an ongoing atrocity on par with the Holocaust or literally not problematic at all, but I don't see any middle ground.

My middle ground is because of that Martian Thinking(TM), probably.

I agree that abortion, the cessation of living and distinct human cells capable of becoming a living person, is a problem; it’s been a problem for a very long time and a complicated one which we can’t just legislate away, without working on the social mechanisms that are driving people to want abortions, or see them as something they or others should want.

There’s also the concern that I do NOT want the government having any more of a hand in personal medicine. I understand this is a very extreme case and this issue is one which, if any, would make the exception, but I stand pretty firm on this as a matter of course and principle. The irresponsible acts of a minority (and it is a minority in the US, if you don’t count pre-fertilization contraceptives as abortion) do not justify an infringement or a risk of that infringement to a majority, in nearly all cases.

Socially, we need to change that aspect of our culture, we need to focus more on education of how to have a healthy relationship, a healthy family, and a healthy life, not only within education (which is corruptible and frankly broken and should not be relied upon, at all) but within our communities and our families.

Teach the people around you about love, actual love, about romance, about taking care of people, about being a good person through both word and deed and enforce a social pressure against the acts which put them at the greatest risk of being pregnant when they realistically should not be.

People who feel the need to get an abortion, who are put into situations where that abortion is even an option (not in a legal sense but in a “they had sex” sense) are victims of a society that hypersexualizes everyone, which says sleeping around, having multiple partners, etc, are all very normal, and even good, and where virgin is synonymous with social pariah.

We shouldn’t blame the victim, but the people, the mechanism, the social norms which shaped them this way, and the best way we can attack it is by NOT attacking them, and NOT giving the government a smokescreen either to say “it’s all fine, just get an abortion!” or “it’s illegal and this woman is a felon and a monster!”

What I mean to say is, merely banning abortion will solve nothing, women will be put into these situations by this society and social pressures until we fight back, and that BEGINS with making it clear we recognize that most who seek an abortion are (not all, mind you, some people are otherwise motivated) there because of those mechanisms, and helping them and helping to break the cycle of this garbage before it further infests the next generation.

So, TLDR, it’s insanely complicated, we have to fix the cause of the issue, I don’t like the government, and I do think abortion is not good and should be, at MOST rare, but am unwilling to trust government to make sane or reasonable decisions on that matter in either direction.

#Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

dxmedstudent · 5 years

Text

Dx talks contraception.

As I mentioned in my post on the NHS Contraceptive choices tool, contraceptives matter. There’s still something taboo about talking about contraceptives. Women do, all the time, but like periods, it’s not seen as polite conversation in mixed company. But honestly? Screw that attitude. I think contraception should be talked about honestly and widely, until it’s seen as about as controversial as haemorrhoid cream or eye drops. Because it’s just another tool to make our lives better and look after our bodies. I have no patience with the idea that people shouldn’t be allowed to control their reproductive destiny beause it’s against nature or it’s against someone else’s religious beliefs. Contraception is healthcare; it allows people, particularly women, to make informed choices about how and when to have kids, and allows them to, if they choose, create a family of their choosing when they can actually support it. Yes, contraceptive medication can have health benefits for a lot of people, and that shouldn’t be underplayed. But the appearance of medication that meant people could enjoy intimacy without the fear of unwanted and unplanned pregnancy has been lifechanging for many people. Using contraception is pretty uncontroversial in the UK, so I still feel really weirded out that there seem to be lots of people in the US who stigmatise it. It’s also hideously expensive in the US, if that post by PP that I reblogged today is accurate. I feel privileged to be able to go to my GP or a sexual health clinic and get literally whatever form of contraceptive I want (as long as it is safe for me), absolutely free at the point of care. I 'd really like to see more contraceptives for men and trans women on the market; it’s about time that the burden didn’t lie quite so heavily with the people getting pregnant; it takes two to tango after all. I want to see people talk about it more; we need to acknowledge the side effects, the difficulties in getting it right, the risks of failure and the effect it has on our lives when women and trans men take on the majority of the burden.

Anyhow, so I thought I’d start by talking about myself.

I’ve been getting pretty tired of juggling periods with oncalls; at least one circle of hell has to feature you running around on a hell shift for 13h whilst trying not to bleed on yourself, and popping pills to manage the unholy combination of cramps and IBS that comes along with it. As for premenstrual symptoms; I love the unpredictability of not knowing whether this month you’ll be angry or anxious or sad or just feel something else so, so much, completely out of the blue and with intensity. Or, in fact, the unpredictability of having an irregular cycle altogether. I’ve also been thinking about whether I might have PCOS, but that’s a story for another day. At any rate, I've often thought about what I could do about these things, but put it off because life was busy, and having periods wasn’t ruining my life, though it made it unpleasant at times. But when you start to see people, then thinking about contraception becomes an even more important issue. I hate uncertainty and risk, and I know that accidentally having kids in the next couple of years would be the wrong thing for me (and no doubt, whoever I’m seeing). So I want to not only protect myself, but also avoid a lot of unnecessary anxiety that would come with using less reliable methods alone. People never talk about the mental health benefits of reliable contraception, but just imaine how much uncertainty and dread it can take away. I work shifts, am pretty busy, and know that if I eventually have any concerns that my protection has messed up (which, you know, happens to people), dealing with it in a timely manner would be a major hassle that could affect my work. So I needed something as reliable as possible, that fit into my busy, chaotic life. I evaluated my options, used my friendly tool, and picked the contraceptive implant. To be honest, I’d been thinking about going for the implant long before I even started dating this time around. I don’t mind needles but I am terrible at remembering to take medications and I get up at different times on lots of days due to shifts; I know I’d be high risk for forgettin to take pills. I’ve always joked that if I ever had to take the pill, I’d get so pregnant. I just don’t have the time or energy for organising monthly injections or making sure I get patches, and anyhow, if I do want a family, I don’t want to have to wait for the delay in fertility that sometimes comes long with them. I don’t want to have to keep a track of whether I put in a ring or didn’t, and frankly, the fear that it might have fallen out, or what happens if I drop it on the ground would be pretty offputting. I’m a busy, slightly scatterbrained person who just wanted the most reliable, least effort type of thing I could opt for, so that whether I’m even sexually active or not, it’s there doing its job quietly in the background for a few years and I can carry on with my life. I really like that you can feel it in your arm; it feels reassuring knowing that it’s there. I joke that I’m a bionic woman.

It goes without saying, though, kids, that even if you have a reliable, long acting reversible form of contraception, you still need to think about barrier protection for infections. It doesn’t replace staying safe and making sure your partner is tested. But given that condoms aren’t always reliable I’ve always been a believer that you can never be too careful.

The procedure itself was straightforward; I got some cold spray local anaesthetic, and then the implant was inserted with a big needle. It hurt and bled quite a bit more than I expected it to and then came up with a massive bruise. An informal poll of quite a few of my lady friends revealed that in general they and their sisters didn’t have too many difficulties, and a lot less pain and bruising. I’m pretty sure I was just really unlucky, but the nurse was great and I have no complaints. I’m a doc; I recognise that sometimes these things happen. It might cause more issues when it’s time to come out, but honestly, that’s a problem for Future Dx to worry about. That said, I’d consider a little haemoglobin to be a reasonable sacrifice for absolute reliability and the fact that if I get on well with it, for the next three years I don’t have to worry about making sure I don’t get pregnant. Hell, even if you aren’t seeing anyone at all, it can just sit there, in case you need it at some point in those 3 years. I love that it’s very reliable, and there’s almost no way my scatterbrained self can mess it up. You can’t predict which side effects you’ll get, though you can look up which ones are less likely to have particular symptoms and try them out and hope for the best. I timed having my implant so that if I have any horrible side effects, I could find time to fix things and they wouldn’t happen at too crucial a time. So I recommend planning for things like this early and at convenient times for yourself; you never know how things are going to work out. It’s also important to try to think about contraception before you need it; even if that is something like condoms.

So far, I’m good on the side effect front, but we’ll see how things continue. The main negative so far is that the bruise was massive and took ages to fade. I wore a dressing over it at first, and wore long sleeves to work (and out), because it looked pretty noticeable. When I eventually took the dressings off, I couldn’t even cover it up with a cardigan any more because it’s just too hot on the wards. The fading bruise drew more attention and concern from everyone at work than I expected. It’s not particularly embarrassing for a grownass woman so I can be pretty blunt about it, but I’m not sure everyone really wants to know.

#periods #contraception #my life #personal #dxdates #dx dates

79 notes · View notes