#like he was healed. and thats. not really a bad thing. but it seems somewhere along the way he gets obsessed with this goal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iouinotes · 4 months

Text

Show-off | Mike Ross

pairing: Mike Ross x female!reader

show: Suits

genre: smut word count: 2,9k

summary: you and your co-worker Mike dont get along very well. But when you have something that he needs, suddenly everything is different.

a/n: Just watched the first two episodes of "Suits" and something about Mike is really attractive-

Working in a well-known office as a lawyer has it's advantages. Such as being respected by business people or being able to afford a lot of things, you spend all your evenings analyzing documents rather than meeting actual people.

Nevertheless, sometimes there are also negative factors. For example, my co-worker Mike, who really believes, that he is with his ridiculously skinny tie and sarcastic humor better than the others. Or right now, better than me.

"God, I cant believe you. Can you behave for once?" I use my fingers to push my hair back in frustration, noticing how my head starts to hurt. Its 10 pm and I'm currently trying to stay calm, though because of one man in particular, my nerves seem to be getting thinner within seconds. Valuable time is wasted that I could spend somewhere else instead of with him.

"Now it's my fault, that you don't have the documents with you? Sorry, I can't help you being organized in your own workplace." His voice irritates me. Everything about him is so frustrating.

"I told you, I didnt get the message! How am I supposed to know, that you need something, when you don't tell me anything about it? Maybe you should stop being so childish and ask me in the first place, instead of running to Rachel!" If our job had nothing to do with justice and we werent literally standing in a law company right now, I would kill him. And then I wouldn't hesitate to go to court and say it was self-defense, because I didnt want to hear any of his miserable excuses anymore.

"So what do you think, I should do? I need these documents for tomorrow. Please, I know you don't like me, but it is really urgent." Why does he has such blue eyes? The look he is going me is even more irritating than his voice.

I sign, exhibit my laptop and try to put the pens back, that are laying all over my desk.

"Okay, fine. As I said, the documents are at home, so-" I don´t even get to finish my sentence.

"Great, so I'll meet you there. And I wont even tell anyone, if your place is a mess." His eyes wander over my messy desk, and even If I don´t like to admit it, it's a bad habit of mine. But, he shouldn't make any assumptions about the neatness in my apartment.

"I hope you loose the documents on your way home." At my words, he grins smugly.

"Well, then I could lie and say you didnt found them anymore and I hadnt had the chance to go through them." He leans towards me.

"I'll run you over with my car." He raises his eyebrows at my threat.

"You sure should do something that makes you smile more often. Is that even something you know how to do?" I show him my middle finger and turn to left my office. When I close the door, I hear the laughter in his voice.

"The next storm should be named after you as quickly as you left the room." He follows after me.

"Can you shut up for once? Oh, I forgot. You don´t last one second being silent. Thats a shame, the world could finally heal." His hand rests on his heart, his features fake a hurt expression.

"Ouch. You really don´t like me that much, huh?" His eyes try to search mine.

"You get on my nerves on purpose every fucking day. Should I thank you for that?" I turn my head to look at him.

"Yes, you should. Your life would be so boring without me." He grins at me again from the side, that typical grimace that is always adorn on his face.

"You wish." When I tell him my address, he raises his eyebrows, but before he can make an unfavorable comment, I get into my car.

Darkness surrounds me and when I see him going away, I lower my head to the steering wheel. He really is the best at confusing my emotions.

~~~~~

I turn off the lights of my car and get out of it, so I can finally make my way to my flat. Its not something special, I mean I have a living room, which is quite big and connected to the kitchen, a bedroom and a bath. But I am very lucky, because I have a small balcony, from which I can watch the stars at night. But I usually only do that when I can't sleep.

So, when I enter my apartment, I let my eyes wander over the manageable mess, I put some clothes back in the closet and the dishes in the washing machine. The place almost looks decent, when I hear the doorbell.

As I open the door, I'm nervous for some reason. I let him in and turn to my office drawers, looking for the document.

"Nice place. You live here alone?" His fingers trace my bookshelf, I see him reading the titles.

"No, my wife is still at work." When I look at him dead serious, I see him laugh in surprise.

"So, you do have humor. I thought, you were one of those exceptions that wouldn't be able to do that." He means it as a joke, but something in my chest hurts.

When I reply with a monotonous voice, I see his eyebrows pull together. "I live here alone. That's what you wanted to hear?" I'm getting more frustrated again with every second he's around me.

"No- I didnt mean it that way. I'm sorry. My intentions were good, I promise." When I look at him for a moment, I see his honest expression.

It would be so easier for me to hate him, if I didnt know, he was a good human. Well, most of the time.

We are silent for a moment, but when I hear his footsteps, I tense up.

"What are you doing?" He's now standing right next to me.

"Helping you. You seem a little, tense?" I glare at him for a moment and he raises his hands in defense.

"Just pointed out the obvious. But dont worry. You still look lovely." I stop in my movements at his words.

"Thats such shock for you?" His voice shows surprise and a certain curiosity.

"Only that you say it." I look into his eyes.

"Well, you may think I'm dumb, but I'm not blind."

He just called me beautiful, sort of. It´s confusing me.

When I finally find the documents, I hold my hand out to him.

"I don´t think you are dumb. I think you're annoying. And a show-off. I don´t like that." His eyes follow me.

"What do you like then?" His question surprises me. He slowly takes the documents out of my hand, his finger gently brushing mine.

"I don´t think that is any of your business." I try to clear my voice. His touch makes me shiver.

"Come on, tell me. Would that be so bad?" His whole presence is making me nervous and I feel my hands start to shake.

At work, I can always hide behind a mask, pretend that nothing he does affects me. I can act like I truly hate him, even though I catch myself looking at him, from time to time. Especially when he shows off his intelligence without realizing it, impresses his clients and -I would never admit it- me too. It's a certain charm about him, the way he always knows how to answer, while being mischievous and clever about it.

But now, that he's in my apartment and so close to me, it's suddenly different. And I don't know how to react to him being nice.

"I look for someone who isnt afraid of commitment. Someone who is honest and kind, but who also challenges me. I want to feel safe, so I can put my trust not only in myself."

He nods and is quiet for a moment, I begin to feel stupid for telling him all of that, when he responds.

"I get that. Someone whose shoulder you can lean on when things get too much. Someone who meets your needs, who wants to be in your life. For longer than a one-night stand." He smiles at me and I see for the first time, why I possibly could like him.

"Also, statistics show higher rates of being robbed or kidnapped, when you have one-night stands." This remark almost makes me laugh, even though it's frightening.

"Well, who would even notice, if I would disappear? Probably only my clients, because they need me." I lower my head, being completely honest with him for the first time.

"I would notice."

When I look at him, he takes a step towards me. His fingers gently slide over my shoulder and brush my hair aside, the touch makes a warm feeling bloom in my chest.

"I couldn't annoy you anymore. My life would be pretty boring without you. And it's not so bad to be able to look at such a pretty face every day, even if it always looks at me annoyed, like all the time." I quietly laugh at that, feeling surprisingly good because of his compliment.

We look at each other, now being really close. My eyes travel to his lips and I don´t even know how it happens, but suddenly he is all over me. His lips on mine, his hands on my waist, lifting me up to sit me on the desk. I moan softly when his hands tangle in my hair and he pushes himself closer to me, so that he's standing between my legs. One of his hands gently wraps around my neck and I feel my loud pulse.

My hands move too, stroking his back and holding him closer to me by his tie. As he pulls his lips away from me, he lifts my chin with his finger. Now, looking down at me with widen pupils. I hold his eye contact, forgetting all about my issues with him, when he speaks to me with a deep voice (which I suddenly don´t think sounds irritating anymore).

"Be angry at me tomorrow and mine for tonight. I bet, all your frustration from work and your thin nerves can catch a break, what do you say?"

Not much. Because I pull him towards me by his tie and kiss him again. I don't want to stop at all anymore. He returns the kiss with the same enthusiasm and his hands find their way to my waist again to lift me up again. When he crosses the living room with quick steps and lays me down on the sofa, I already feel out of breath and clearly turned on.

His kisses become more intense, his lips move from my mouth to my neck, leaving marks there. But it feels too good to make him stop.

"I will gladly hear your excuses, when someone asks you about your hickeys tomorrow. Because you will be all flustered, when you think again about this moment. Where you are ready to be fucked by your colleague, who you despise so much." I whimper as he pushes up my dress and his hands pull my tights down to my knees. The cold air hits my skin, but I don't really notice it, because his lips are on my neck again and his fingers connect first with my stomach and then further down. I hold my breath as his lips touch my ear and his fingers stroke my folds.

"So wet for me. Didnt think, I would turn you on this much." I kiss him to shut him up.

"You are-" I moan, when he finally puts a finger in me. "-so annoying." He laughs at me.

"Am I? But you seem to like it." I feel myself getting wetter, his fingers feel so good as they move gently but firmly inside me. One of his hands moves to push my dress further up and somehow, he manages to pull it over my head. Now, I'm lying in front of him in just a bra, his hands slowly find their way over my body and to my back, which I lift slightly so that he can open the clasp.

When I lie naked in front of him and he massages my breasts, his lips touch mine and his fingers stimulate me, I feel like I'm in heaven.

He breaks apart, so he can look at me and I draw my eyebrows together, when his fingers increase in speed. My mouth opens and the sounds that escape me echo in the apartment.

"I'm- god, I think I am going to come-" at that he starts to tease me, going slower but a lot deeper. My eyes almost roll back as he hits a certain spot inside me.

"That feels good? What do you say, when you want something?" You stupid idiot.

"You stupid-" I begin to say as his lips graze my nipple and his finger scissor and stretch me out further.

"One word, darling. Say it." And because I feel this knot inside me (and maybe this side of him turns me on, like a lot), I finally open my mouth to please him.

"Please, Mike. I-I need to-" My sentence is cut off as his fingers speed up and I moan loudly.

"Thats a good girl, you can be so good to me, if I make you." His lips search mine as I finally come. My breathing is heavy and when I come down from my high and look at his face, I see the satisfied expression.

"You are done-" I can't maintain my strict facial expression and suddenly have to start smiling. His eyes widen in surprise and I raise my eyebrows, still smiling softly.

"What?" I quietly laugh at his expression.

"Nothing, its just- I have never seen you smiling so happy." I roll my eyes gently. As I look at him closer now, I see the bulge in his pants and the loosened tie. As I lean forward, his eyes shift to my body.

"You still are fully clothed. A bit unfair, don't you think?" I watch him swallow and my hands move to his chest to slowly unbutton his shirt. As I also remove the tie and slip the shirt from his shoulders, I sit myself on his lap. Rocking my hips forward and seeing his eyes close. His hands move to my hips and begin to control the movements, my eyes close too and my head leans into the crook of his neck as the movements become faster.

Sighs and heavy breaths leave his lips and once again, one of his hands moves to grab my breasts, lightly grazing the nipples.

I look at him, noticing his swollen lips and his flushed cheeks. His hair is a mess and his forehead is furrowed, but he tries his best to pull himself together.

I groan as I look at him and suddenly think back to todays afternoon, when he was on a phone call and I heard how he listed one reciting fact after another, without any difficulty.

"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"N-nothing" I'm definitely too embarrassed to admit how much his intelligence and the way he seems to know everything, turns me on.

One of his hands moves to my entrance and teases me by just circling around it. When I try to push myself down, he pulls his fingers away.

"You tell me, whats going on in that pretty head of yours and you'll get me." My body feels so hot, I can't think properly anymore.

"You where on a phone call today and you just- you listed without any effort every single point that will help you win the case. You just said it like- it's nothing."

When his fingers dig into me again, I bite my lips. I try to control my moans and not pay attention to the fact, that I just gave him every opportunity to make him be more complacent than his usual self.

His fingers pump into me and I feel slightly overstimulated. But I wouldnt want to stop now.

"You get off by the thought of me, saying memorized facts? Who would have thought that my intelligence would turn you on so much." God, his ego probably doesn't fit in this apartment anymore.

"Don't think too highly of yourself, you still annoy me." Now I'm really just trying to get myself out of the situation. I lean towards him, so he can't say anything anymore and pull on his blonde hair to distract him.

Moans escape my lips and when I notice that his noises are also getting louder, I pull away from him. He looks at me confused.

"I want you inside me." Thats all I say, but he quickly complies with my request. I slide off his lap and wait for him to take off his pants and boxers until he's finally on top of me again. His fingers find my bottom lip and while maintaining eye contact, I open my mouth so he can insert a finger. My tongue brushes against his and after a few moments of him pressing on my tongue, he lets his fingers move back to the spot that needs him the most.

He stretches me for a few minutes until he finally guides his cock to my hole and slowly penetrates me. My eyes close and I hear his breath in my ear as he pushes further.

"You are so tight- good thing finally someone fucks you." I nod without thinking and hear his laughter in my ear.

"You think so too, huh. Would you let anyone fuck you then?" My stomach tenses, I feel the pleasure growing again and every movement of him. This feels so good-

I try to shake my head, but I'm too lost in the sensations to pay much attention to his words.

"No? But I thought, you hate me. Why would you let me fuck you, if you don´t even like me?" His thrusts become faster and more uncontrolled, I feel him getting closer to his own high.

"I-" I try to stutter "d-don´t hate you." I feel myself getting closer and reach into his hair, pulling at the roots and feeling his lips on my shoulder. His thrusts become more powerful and as he moves his hand and massages my clitoris, suddenly everything goes white in front of my eyes and I come.

I feel every inch inside of me, feel his fingers brush over the visible bulge in my stomach and think to myself: god I feel so full

When he comes too, I moan so loudly that it's impossible that my neighbors didn't hear me. His hand finds its way around my chin, he slides a finger into my mouth and I feel my vagina tighten because of it.

He hisses and his thrusts slow down until he finally pulls out of me, trying not to fall on top of me. As I give him some space next to me, he falls halfway on me, but pulls me on top of him in the next second and I can hear his strong heartbeat. With his outstretched hand he pulls the blanket over me, that had fallen to the floor.

We both try to catch our breath and as the minutes pass, only the wind outside is heard. He is the first to break the silence.

"So, you don't hate me?" I lift my head from his naked chest to look at him.

"Only sometimes." He shakes his head and smiles, gently stroking my back.

The evening went by quickly, we ordered a pizza and ate it (clothed) on the terrace. We were going over his documents for tomorrow, I blushed at the thought that this was the real reason he came here, but he just hugged me from behind after we finished and continued watching the stars.

It's not really clear what this evening means for us, but I don´t want to get into that, not yet. Because I'm not sure what it means anyway.

Because now, I have to get used to the fact that his voice no longer irritates me, that his jokes no longer annoy me and that he as a person, is actually not as bad as I imagined.

"Who thought, I was the one to get you relax."

But he is still a show-off.

#suits tv #mike ross #netflix #tv shows #x reader #fictional characters #smut #enemies to lovers #hate fuck

170 notes · View notes

crushedsweets · 12 days

Note

ninakate or any wlw nina ship w/ good luck babe by chappell roan,,,,

oh god. ok youre so right that this works with any wlw nina ship, but im gonna go through the lyrics and describe some toxic ass ninakate scenario that comes to mind LMFAOOOO SORRY I LIKE TOXIC YURI

ok so in an AU of my AU where ninakate happens, it all starts after nina is stabbed by jeff. they make her heal in the proxy cabin cuz theyre worried jeff will break into ninas apartment and finish the job(he has no interest in doing that tho). tim/brian/toby/jack are busy with zalgoid issues, SO kate sorta...keeps watch on nina while she heals. cuz of that, nina starts latching onto kate. between kate cleaning the stab wound, bringing her water, wrapping her up in gauze, nina crying into kates arms unprompted, asking kate to sleep in the same bed with her cuz she cant sleep, nina asking kate quiet questions for hours while the radio hums and rain pours outside... they share an awkward, "meaningless" kiss. nina blamed it on emotions running high. kate didnt know what to blame

(this section is HEAVILY inspired by still a friend by the back seat lovers, the entire song is very my-au ninakate)

SOOOOO i wanna go from THAT SONG into good luck babe by chappell roan...

"you can say that we are nothing" after the kiss, nina would probably be like 'we should go to sleep' and the next morning laugh about it and tease kate and be like "thats so funny, i never kissed a girl like that before. was that your first kiss? oh my god kate are you serious?! we should probably keep that between us, huh? its okay, it wont happen again!" and kates just nodding along while her brain is going 100mph. but kates perceptive as hell and she'd easily see all the little changes that happen afterwards. nina's gaze falling, her hands lingering, little comments she makes. and it'd make kate feel kinda stupid. "guess im the fool, with her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof" toby ends up 'inheriting' an old rusty red pickup truck from tim. i doubt it would have a sun roof, but i could see toby and nat up front, while nina and kate are in the back (like, the BACK bed of the truck). nina would be giggling, tilting her head back and her hair is flying like crazy and her arms are out and kate cannoooot get that damn kiss out of her head, especially when nina looks like that.

im thinking maybe it happens again. the group was hanging out, but nat and toby went off somewhere else, leaving nina and kate together. and kate offers to walk nina home, but ninas like 'what if i spend the night instead?' and kates immediately like Oh jesus christ okay. and they talk . and chat. and banter. and nina would bring up that stupid kiss and say something about 'i wouldnt mind doing that again. i mean, as friends.' and kates head is spinning.

and despite all of this, nina is still in a bad headspace. before, during, and after her relationship with jeff, she has HORRIBLY low self esteem and a need for attention/validation, and she will seek it out anywhere. she'd blame it on a million and one things "oh its just for fun, oh i was just drunk, oh its not that serious, he was cute, i got his number!". especially when trying to heal her bruised ego after the whole jeff thing (alongside a few huge arguments with toby calling her out on her BS). and kate listens, and even though she's really blunt and straightforward, she doesnt feel mean. not like toby or nat or jack. so even when kates like "that doesnt make sense" "that seems stupid though" "why would you do that" ninas just laughing and being like "it just felt right in the moment! im having fun, kate!". she thinks kate just doesnt get it, on account of never being in a relationship, but kate knows whats going on. she knows why nina is the way that she is, but all she has to say is . GOODLUCK LMFAO. shes not here to control or convince or plead with anybody, and def not nina. and i think that would kinda irk nina a little. she'd kiss kate, then a couple nights later talk about a guy she met at a bar, and kate just side eyes her and is like 'have fun' and nina wishes there was more

ok whether their kisses turn into anything else, i think theyd both continually agree to keep it a secret from everyone else. it would just be a huge mess that neither of them want to address, especially kate dealing with toby. but i think once kate starts getting a little affection and whatnot that she's never received (she's been in the chaser mode for over half her life, mind you), it would feel incredibly suffocating but also incredibly freeing. like she feels like something new has opened up to her, something that she got locked out of years ago. and nina has the key, unfortunately

ok this is where the song and story falls apart a little cuz ninas not getting married to anyone. i guess this could be a hypothetical where she goes back to jeff for a moment in time, but.. ehh.... dunno how i feel about that. and i dont think the 'i told you so' fits kate cuz she just kinda lets nina do whatever. asks questions and is like ??? and maybe has a bit of an attitude when saying 'good luck with that', but she never tells her what to do

i know "the feeling" is more about being into girls and how you cant hide from it, but i dont think the whole lesbianism thing would be their issue. in a ninakate interpretation of the song, i think 'the feeling' is either ninas issues with romance and self worth, kates ache to be with someone despite thinking she has no right to it, ninas guilt for leading kate on, and of course their literal romantic feelings...

anyway. anyway. um. cries. i just i really. i really im just. im fond of lesbians alright.

#asks #ninakate #creeped #sort of. its an au of creeped where ninakate is a thing. LMFAOOOO #ill leave the tags at that cuz im really embarrassed by this

28 notes · View notes

underratedandoverit · 8 months

Text

The Simplest Of Things

~1,9k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian), can be read as gen

takes place in immortal fears/belt corruption au. this will most likely end up being canon at some point, but for now have it as a separate piece. apparently i originally wrote this like a month and a half ago, but just didnt like it enough so i never bothered with it, tho reading through it now its not so bad so.. you can finally have it

theres a lot of thoughts between these two about one another pre-relationship especially during the healing arcs that i'd like to explore a lot more, the problem being its so far into the story its gonna take a while for me to actually get there so. thats why this exist. first of probably many like this

its fluffy, maybe tad angsty cause kip is just like that, but yeah. a little bit of insight on the feelings he has in immortal fears, especially at the beginning of the healing arc. yay (i also wanted to write a followup to this, sssooo maybe that'll happen somewhere down the line? who knows, i just know kip has a lot of feelings already lmao)

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

---------------------------

Kip slowly came to, becoming aware of his surroundings little by little. The surprisingly soft pillow under his head felt odd, him having no memory when he had actually fallen asleep in the bed last time, let alone seemingly having slept like this. He could feel the blanket wrapped around him and the mattress beneath him, definitely confirming that Kip was in bed, not on the couch or the floor or wherever he ended up passing out for the night when the exhaustion became too much for him to bear.

Kip really couldn’t point out the last time it felt like he had slept the whole night. The past few weeks, maybe months at this point, had been almost like a coin flip on how his nights would go when he got to bed, and most often he had flipped tails on that bet. Tossing and turning through the darkness, if he managed to get some shuteye it was very fast replaced with nightmares that kept plaguing him until he was forcefully pulled back into the real world, leaving Kip restless night after night.

The rare times he had managed to actually sleep, it had still been restless, thankfully often without terrifying nightmares at least, but it still wasn’t much, and definitely not enough like he needed. Most often Kip just passed out somewhere during the day for small power naps, although that habit was also definitely having an effect on his already faltering health, that only good, regular, full nights sleep would really be able to fix.

Kip sighed quietly, burying his head deeper into the pillow. If he was already this comfortable, he was definitely able to fall back asleep and get some more rest now that it seemed like he was actually able to do it, right? Who cared what time of the day it was, he didn’t have anything to do or anywhere to go to. He was on a medical leave and uncleared for work for an undecided amount of time right now, or at least so he had been told, so as far as Kip was concerned, he could just sleep the day away now that he could and not worry about it at the moment.

And then he felt the arm draped over his midsection, underneath the blanket.

As he became aware of the odd sensation of someone invading his personal space, Kip finally opened his eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the surprisingly bright room. He couldn’t tell what time it was, the darkened curtains always made that part very difficult for him when he woke up in this particular room that had been designated as his bedroom, but it was probably a safe bet to say they were somewhere in the morning hours. Not that it really mattered, as Kip’s attention was immediately on the familiar blond fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

Frozen in place Kip’s eyes widened at the sight of Cassidy, trying to find a logical explanation for all of this. Kip didn’t remember how they ended up here, he didn’t even remember how he had gotten to bed if he was being honest. The part that made sense was the one that Cassidy lived with him now so it wasn’t odd to find him in the same space as him, the other man having taken it into his own hands to make sure Kip was making it out alive and in one piece in his current state that he had explained was the aftermath of being the International champion.

Kip wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but everything he had gone through the past few weeks since losing the title – the nightmares, the dark thoughts, the hazy days, the sleepless nights and everything in between – were as Cassidy described to him, giving some sort of believable foundation to what he was talking about. He didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle together to make everything make sense, and to be honest Cassidy hadn’t pushed it on him either, just giving Kip a little to work with when he needed explanations why things hurt. Why he couldn’t sleep. Why he was exhausted. Why he had energy one day but couldn’t get himself to even sit up without help the other.

The help… That was the big thing for him. Kip, wanting to be the independent one he had been as a champion, had none of that anymore. Everything was a chore, he could barely stand by himself on some days. During the times he had held the title, things out of his control had happened and people that he had once been close with were gone. He had no one left.

Except for the one man he didn’t want in his life, that had ruined all this for him, but who was also the one that was making the most sense out of everyone around him in Kip’s current state of being. The man he had self-appointed as his arch nemesis.

Orange Cassidy.

And now he was there. Fast asleep next to him in bed, one arm lazily thrown over him. Without any explanation in Kip’s mind how they had gotten there, or what had happened the night before.

The questions and the panic was so obvious in him, and yet… He couldn’t do anything about the situation. He couldn’t move, or more accurately, he didn’t want to.

Kip was afraid that him trying to get away from this position was going to disrupt the clearly peaceful sleep that Cassidy was getting.

Before this moment Kip hadn’t really thought about it, being way more in his own dark mind than anything else, but this had to have some kind of effect on Cassidy as well. He was the only one always around to take care of Kip, he was the one always there making sure he had something to eat, to drink, and got at least some rest when it was possible. Cassidy was surprisingly patient with him, something Kip hadn’t expected after everything they had gone through in the past. They were supposed to be enemies, and yet the blond was treating him like an equal, if not more, since he was basically a sole caretaker of Kip’s at this point.

Biting his lip, Kip carefully slid his arm out from under the blanket, without thinking much reaching for Cassidy’s face, gently brushing a coil of his hair away from his face, running a hand through his hair a little. There was something mesmerizing to see him this peaceful, as Kip hadn’t really had a chance to witness that between either rivaling him, him being a champion while Cassidy disappeared from television, and then all of this which left Kip far less aware of his surroundings most of the time. To be honest, he was kind of surprised he even understood that it was Cassidy that was here for him, out of all the possible people. How he hadn’t stopped to even think about it before, Kip really had no idea.

He was so deep in his own thoughts that Kip didn’t notice the results of his actions, only after a groggy Cassidy took a hold of his hand that was still gently tugging on his hair and Kip got face to face with a soft pair of blue eyes, he realized where they were at.

“Morning.”

His voice was so quiet Kip barely registered it, he wasn’t sure if Cassidy was just hoarse from the sleep or if he wanted to avoid loud noises in his presence, knowing them to sometimes be triggers for headaches or anxiety or what have you when Kip wasn’t in his best condition. Kip just blinked at him a few times, feeling the words stuck in his throat. He desperately wanted, he needed, to ask what had happened that led them here, face to face in bed like this, when he couldn’t remember a damn thing from last night.

As Kip didn’t reply to him, Cassidy stirred a little bit more on his spot, the arm disappearing from Kip’s hip as he retreated it away, Cassidy using it to prop himself up and into a sitting position on the bed. Kip breath in a quiet sigh of relief noticing the blond was at least fully clothed, this ruling out at least one option about last night, and then Kip pushed that thought away from his mind as fast as it had appeared, without wanting to even question it why he had thought about it in the first place.

The blush making its way on his face at the thought though was probably very obvious as Cassidy raised a brow at him, rubbing his eyes a little to wake himself up.

“You okay? You don’t look well.”

Kip wasn’t sure if Cassidy was genuinely worried and asking or if he was just teasing him, so Kip shook his head quickly, tossing over in the bed so he could hide his face from the blond better. “I’m fine!”

He could hear a soft snort from Cassidy. “Good to hear. You passed out on the couch last night so I thought you might be catching something. Did you at least sleep well?”

Kip shrugged his shoulders before he could stop himself, but he sighed. “…Yeah. Thanks.”

He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to hear any further explanations, this was all Kip needed at the moment. Whatever had happened after he had passed out downstairs was irrelevant, the key part was that he slept in his own bed and actually got enough rest to feel well rested for once after who knows how long of a time. How Cassidy fit into everything was not what he wanted to hear right now, probably not ever if he was being honest.

Kip could feel the bed move underneath him a little, before a soft hand ran through his hair quickly. He didn’t resist, but something about the touch felt comforting, as much as he hated it at the same time, knowing exactly who it was coming from. He just buried his head deeper onto the pillow again, feeling the bed shift a little again as Cassidy stood up.

As he walked to the door, the blond stopped, looking back at Kip who was peering at him just barely with half of his face buried into the pillow.

“I’m glad you were able to sleep. It’s been… A while since you got a full night's sleep last, I think.” Cassidy offered him a smile as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll make breakfast. Just come downstairs if you want any.”

As he opened the bedroom door and left the room, Kip had no intentions of following him. All of this was already so much to him, having to endure all of this first thing in the morning had thrown his brain into a loop that he didn’t want to start untangling right now by going downstairs to have breakfast with Cassidy after everything.

What he hated the most though, Kip thought as he pulled the blanket over his face with an annoyed groan as he was trying to shake the thought out of his head, was that the good night's sleep last night was most likely because of Cassidy.

And it was a thought he absolutely loathed with his entire being.

#fic #setting: belt corruption arc #character: kip sabian #character: orange cassidy #ship: orangekip #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

15 notes · View notes

koravelliumavast · 1 year

Note

yeah! drop the stormlight 5 theory

just a fair warning. its messy and not at ALL cohesive but some of it makes sense (because i stole info from the coppermind)

Ok so there’s an in universe 15 year break between stormlight 5&6 right? Well I think dalinars gonna LOSE the contest of champions and go to like braize or something (idk if that’s what will happen but I don’t feel like coppermind searching right now) anyway like 15ish years later he finds a way out like Taln did maybe with the help of one of the dead heralds (because Chana is shallans mom theory is such a good theory. Why haven’t we seen her when we’ve seen all the other heralds) but we have to emphasize that neither broke. and the prologue for the next 5 books are dalinars return in different characters perspectives because it’s a big moment.

If he got imprisoned on braize it would be bad. The Stormfather would possibly become a deadeyes? If he became deadeyes would it stop highstorms so than the everstorm is the storm? I don’t know. Im kinda spitballing all of this.

Anyways they need to release Ba-Ado-Mishram according to Kalak (the herald who wrote it in his journal that its something that needs to happen for not only Ba-Ado-Mishram but also Roshar as a whole) who was one of the unmade and was involved with the false desolation somehow and turned singers into fused but then she got imprisoned and her imprisonment like got rid of the singers connection and identity and they were the parshmen and it’s also the reason that there is deadeyed spren (thank you coppermind because this is something I didn’t know really).

Also the ghostbloods are looking for her gemstone to set her free maybe as a way to get the investure off roshar as that is kind of their main motive (or at least of their rosharian actions)

So basically maybe Ba-Ado-Mishram is somewhere on Braize and Dalinar finds a way to set her free and with that he comes back to Roshar. (i just looked at the coppermind and it said something about that if dalinar won odium would return alekthar and herdaz to them and if odium won dalinar would serve his interests in the cosmere as a fused whatever tf that means i dont know.)

things that if they happened in stormlight 5 id cry: dalinar is his champion, adolin goes no i cant let you do that and he takes over, its a fight to the death after all but adolin is the best non-magically enhanced swordsman in roshar. During the events of the fight adolin loses and dies. OR OR OR he seems to be losing and then he goes like maya i could really use some help here and then he gets the part of the radiant bond thats like fighting enhancement and also quick shardblade summoning but not the edgedancer slipperyness or healing of others. He wins the fight (yay!) but something happens, dalinar gets sent to braize or something im not sure.

All i know is this book is not going to solidly take place in the 10 days that the contest of champions allots for its statisitically impossible as there is so much stuff that has to happen that we're certain about will happen. Plus shallan and adolin are still in shadesmar.

Additional things: we don’t know who the interlude chapters person is. What if it’s Moash and his journey to become a dustbringer because dustbringer Moash is such a freaking beautiful thing and it would also make the Reddit fans so mad lmao

Another additional thing: where does kelsier fit into this? He was in the prologue blah blah blah. He finds a way to get off scadriels cognitive realm (something something in tlm) and he’s now in Shadesmar and idk maybe he’s fighting against odium in some way. Harmony may be aware of his actions. He may not idk but Marsh is and Marsh also relays stuff to Harmony so yeah. Kelsier knows that Odium is bad and he wants to punch a god. So he punches odium at some point. That’s kind of it there I don’t have anything to go with that. It just feels right.

Now with the road trip: Szeth realizes how fucked up shinovar is, its destroyed from the everstorm, theres chaos everywhere blah blah blah, he finds the honorblades, he does what he wanted to do. i dont know WHAT exactly he did want to do but it was something. him and kaladin trauma bond. its not a great time. Szeth cries. His sister is dead i dont care what anyone says his sister gave off im gonna die by szeths hands with the honorblade and thats one of the reasons he gets kicked out of shinovar. she gives me dead vibes in that chapter. We also learn why hes truthless, maybe he had a honorspren who was kind of following him idk. The death rattle of "a man stood on a cliffside and watched his homeland fall into dust. the waters surged beneath, so far beneath. and he heard a child crying. they were his own tears." is true somehow.

Brandon said more lgbt characters are canonized in this book: aroace kal canonization or bi adolin BOOK canonization perhaps maybe? i know renarin will which means he will also have more povs. and more povs=more visions=more people out of odiums sight?

#like i said im spitballing this #its messy its weird it makes no sense #asks #my weird ass kowt theory #stormlight 5 speculation #mild tlm spoilers #mistborn #long post #this is so incoherent AND INCOHESIVE AT TIMES IM SORRY #the tism really got me this time #if-one-of-us-falls

30 notes · View notes

betzabobababi · 1 year

Text

Stages

Hello Hello! This is 2/3 for my fics today. 1000% cried. Don't judge. The stages hit close to home. If you now what I mean with "I added one more" (you'll have more context around the end of the fic) then congrats! Anyways enjoy. Don't hesitate to like and or reblog really helps an author out <3

Warnings: Major character deaths/5 Stages of grief/ mentions of blood

for now I think thats it let me know if I missed some warning

Pairing: None

Summary: The way you grieved. How does someone put their life together after half of the universe and family are gone?

Type: 100% angst

It all happened so fast. One second you were standing next to your family, the only family you’ve ever had. The avengers were your family. And now half of it had disappeared into thin air. They dissolved into who knows what. Everything was just so confusing.

FLASHBACK

“Yo-You should have gone for the head….” a gruff voice who you could only assume was Thanos said and in a split second there was a clink. And even faster than you could blink your friends and family started to disappear.

You turned around and bucky was gone. You closed your eyes and you saw t'challa dissolve. You saw a group of people somewhere that didn’t look like earth dust away. You saw Peter. And you saw the pain that Tony had on his face. Sam. Doctor Strange. Wanda. Nick and Maria. Clint’s family.

Half of everyone that you grew to love and learned to care for just disintegrated.

END OF FLASHBACK

Five years went by and each represented one of the stages of grief

YEAR ONE

Your first year was denial. Denying the truth that most of the people you knew were gone. Denial helped you survive. The world became meaningless and overwhelming. Life made no sense. You were numb. The first year you stayed with Natasha in the compound. You helped her keep track of everyone that was left. Other than going out to help Natasha for a few hours a day, eating, going to the bathroom and sleeping were the only things that you’d do during a day. As you began to accept the reality of what happened you unknowingly began to heal. You became stronger and the denial began to fade. But as you moved on, all the feelings you spent a year burying, ignoring and denying began to surface.

YEAR TWO

The anger you felt was more like blinding white rage. You were angry with yourself for not doing things better. Your rage went towards thanos. You hated him for taking the people you loved away from you. You worked so hard to get here, and he just gradually showed up and took it away. Starting with the attack of 2012 and then in 2018 when Banner showed up at the sanctum sanctorum. And even though you weren’t there you knew. You knew something was wrong. So when Steve’s flip phone went off indicating tony was calling it just supported your knowledge. You felt angry that you werent there when Tony went missing. Around September of your second year you decided you would stop feeling angry all the time. Sure you’d still be angry but it would only be on a low level.

YEAR THREE

Bargaining was something that you just couldn't let go. As much as you would have loved to let go of all the nightmares and bad memories of the day on wakanda you couldn’t, so you replaced it with trying to find a different outcome. Your third year Tony and Pepper saw how bad your stages of grief were getting. Tony went through his stages rather quickly unlike you where they were taking a year per stage. So they invited you to move in with them, because they knew that bargaining would definitely be hard for you. Possibly even harder for you than it was for Tony.

You threw yourself into studying parallel universes. Dead end. Time travel seemed like the most logical thing at least to you it was. But when you conversed with Tony he denied the possibility of time travel.

“Y/n, the day that time travel is invented then I’ll put you on the will.”

“You sure you’ll put me on the will? Because all of the research points towards time travel. All we need is something that connects point to point.”

“Yes. I will. I’ll put you on the will, I swear.”

You bargained until you knew it would be possible to change the way things happened. The only reason you didn’t act on it was because you didn’t have the resources. Time travel was the only answer. No bargaining with higher power, you’d tried that and it’d never work. You bargained yourself from time to time. Your mental, emotional and physical health were at risk because of your bargaining. If only you’d been with Thor, you could've helped him. All of your if onlys and what if’s kept you up at night. If only the attack of 2012 would’ve been more descriptive as to who started it. If only you would have joined the battle earlier. If only time travel was possible.

YEAR FOUR

Depression hits you like hell. After bargaining your attention moved to the present. Empty feelings presented themselves, and grief entered your life on a deeper level. Deeper than anyone could have imagined. Your depressing stage felt as if it could last forever. Now that you had moved on from all your past stages you focused on what was in front of you. Nothing. Nothing was infront of you. After the snap, you stayed at the compound. Then you moved in with Tony, Pepper and Morgan. But that was almost all you had. Sure, you checked in on the rest of the team, and you made sure everyone else was ok. Before Thanos you had been known for being able to fix anything. Broken mug? Done. Squeaky door? Done before someone could say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. But your life had been cut in half. How were you supposed to fix that?

You withdrew from anyone and anything around you, staying in your room, left in an intense fog of sadness and emptiness. Wondering perhaps, if there was any point in going on alone. And yes you did know it was selfish of you to take years to move on, it was selfish of you to shut everyone out when you knew that all they wanted to do is help. But why go on if only half of the people you loved were going to be there with you?

YEAR FIVE

You knew that this situation would never be ok or it’s never be “right”. But you learned to accept it. You learned to accept the reality that your loved ones were now physically gone.

“Personally I believe that when I recognized that this new reality was going to be permanent I decided to start moving on” You said to Tony out of the blue one day. Tony being Tony he decided that he’d do everything to help you move on with your life.

“See you in a minute”

Only she never did

And then Bruce stapped. As soon as he had snapped you saw how everyone was holding in their breath. You were too. When Clint’s phone started ringing you knew that it worked. You knew that they were back, you felt it. You closed your eyes and you saw them reappearing where they stood five years ago. But you felt something was wrong. You felt a presence you felt you only felt in wakanda. Thanos. And even though you knew it was not possible you realized, if you and the team figured out time travel. Why can’t he? Turned out he had.

You were now under what was left of the compound. Covered in dirt and hair mucky. You found a way out only to realize the scene in front of you wasn’t the best. There stood Steve Thor on one side and Tony on the other. All looking like they were about to have the fight of their lives (kinda were). Although you knew that three of them wouldn’t be enough to defeat thanos You wanted to see what they’d do.

“You could not live with your own failure. What did that bring you? Back to me.” Thanos says, looking at Tony, Thor and Steve. Feeling light headed you slowly started to lose consciousness from your injuries. A few seconds go by and you pass out.

When you wake up Steve is standing a few feet away from Thanos when he starts to turn around. Slowly he brings his hand up to his ear where the coms should be. All of a sudden you see yellow little sparks appearing behind steve. All around his background you see the sparks. As the portals fully form you see a portal that leads to wakanda, T’challa, Shuri, and Dora emerge from the portal. Sam comes flying out of there as well. Another portal leads to a place that looks nothing like earth (nothing new there) where Peter and the guardians come out of along as Doctor Strange. Wanda, the students of the mystic arts, Wasp, Valkyrie, people you’ve never met, and people who were definitely not people. Although it may have seemed like a lot of people you knew it would mean anything compared to Thanos’s army. But you could at least try.

TIME SKIP

You were at the point in the battle where everyone was exhausted from fighting and they were nowhere near done with the fight. When you saw Pepper fight next to Tony you felt happy for them, especially since she was wearing the suit Tony had made for her. You took a breather, stopped fighting and looked around. When you notice Strange slowly and shakily lifts his finger showing one. Now you weren’t there on Titan but you knew from what Tony told you that there was only one combination where they’d win. All of the people around you were ready to sacrifice themselves for humanity. To save other people from what had happened five years ago. But you, you were determined to not make other people go through the five fucking stages of grief. So you did the logical thing. You let your family and friends around you have their happy ending.

You knew that if you didn't get the glove on time, Tony would snap. He’d sacrifice himself for everyone, even when he had a daughter and home to go back to. You on the other hand didn’t have a home to go to. You had family but you knew it would be difficult for you to adjust again and you being there, going through more grief while others tried to adjust to missing five years of their life, didn't sit well with you. Now there might only have been one outcome where everyone would win, but you being you forced your way into being two. So, you snapped. You sacrifice yourself for everyone you love. And you won. Now you’d be able to see Natasha and your parents. The last five years of your life, you spent grieving. Tony came up to you once you'd snapped, "I added you to the will kid, you were supposed to be there to read it." "don't worry T, *hoarsley* they say there are five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, and T you know what? I added a stage" "what was that kid?" "revenge." With that Tony chuckled laid his forehead on yours and slowly broke apart walking towards pepper with tears in his eyes. Slumped down sitting on a piece of rubble everyone said there tearful goodbye to you as you drifted into death. Ending your stages.

Side note:

Tony did put you in the will. Because time travel was possible and also because he thought he'd be the one snapping.

10 notes · View notes

transgenderdragons · 1 year

Text

mushroom sly backstory!!!!!!! tw for general gross fungi shit, kinda body horror-y, etc

Some Guy, in ye olden times, is just fuckin around with fungi and makes this crazy powerful fungi! the ultimate life form!

it eats him

(not really lol)

it takes over his body and uses him as a vessel to spread to lots of other people

(since obvi no one at this time has special healing powers like sly, the fungi reaches the Brain Controlling point pretty fast)

the fungi basically decimates the town

a few brave survivors manage to kill everyone who was infected, the fungi on them kinda just. dissolves away

except the originally infected guy. idk why maybe bc he was the first one to be taken by the fungi so its like,,,, hardier or something

(hes basically dead but the fungi still seems healthy)

they smash his head into a pulp and bury him

"Phew! Thank goodness that's over with" they say! "No one will ever be infected by this thing again!"

BA DUM TSS

cue mr beewell. obviously hes only tryna dig up graves with mellified people in them so. i think there somethin weird about Some Guy's grave

maybe the soil looks weird or theres faint glowing mycellium or smthn idk im not the fungi expert. either way sly digs this guy up

the guy is completely covered in the fungi, but it looks very dead even tho it prob still has a faint glow

sly, being the genius he is, decides to partake in exactly Zero extra safety precautions and load this bad boy into his truck

because this thing looks weird and is potentially magic!

he takes the guy back to home base, unloads it somewhere, prob pokes and prods it a little before he hits the fucken hay

since the fungi needs about an hour of contact to spread, im saying he was just Sciencing long enough to catch the fungi. or he took a bite

however im also saying that since the fungi was mostly dead, there was no actual physical evidence of him catching it before he went ta sleep.

(no little mushrooms no weird patches etc)

so hes oblivious until he wakes up

he wakes up. notices some weird textures on his skin. turns on the lights and finds a mirror

what the fuck

theres patches of mycellium shit everywhere! and some baby mushrooms also

hes probably freaked out, he tries all the obvious methods of removing stuff, etc

calls up taylor eventually

[CUE CROWD CHEERING]

taylor time!!!!!!!!!! he also has no idea what to do. if this au intersects with mothboy au(prob not because its just. a Lot at once but its a cute idea) then they figure out eventually that t cant catch it. if its just Normal T then he just. wears gloves, probably a mask as well just in case of spores

they probably do some research, maybe t takes some samples for a lab, etc

at some point, maybe later in the day or the next day, sly is probably not having a great time bc those mushrooms are getting bigger and the patches have prob shifted a bit

GOOP TIME

as ive mentioned, the goops is kinda triggered by strong emotions. so hes just kinda secreting it rn.

gross

tub time!!!!!!!!!! hes like WHAT THE FUCK

probably calls t again

idk they just spend a lot of time researching and isolating. together #lovewins #slay

and at some point. evil grin. goodbye eyeball

prob starts with a film over slys right eye. kinda weird, a little concerning cuz it doesnt seeme to be coming off but. the mycellium patches always kinda shift around anyways + hes literally had Goop secreting out of his eyes before so.

hes in denial mode bc its Fine, actually, and also there's no good way to remove it other than shaving off any growth around the eye as best as he can

he wakes up in the middle of the night bc something feels wrong

everything looks kinda weird. a little off, like somethings missing

there is a giant clump of mushrooms growing out of his eye.

[LAUGH TRACK]

ok i think thats all for tonight folks!!!!!!!!!!!! uhh if any of this seems lacking in context any other info can be found in my mushroom sly tag 👍if u have any input/think this is out of character/etc lemme know ^_^

#chatty catty #sly #mushroom sly #lemonverse #YIPPEE #long post #body horror #lots of the beginning stuff was brainstormed with jess ^_^

6 notes · View notes

khaleesiofalicante · 1 year

Note

Okay so yesterday I had a great bonding time with my mum, everything was great and I told myself I could wait until Saturday to read the new chapter. Spoiler Alert: I didn't. There are many thoughts that haunt me but I would like to talk about one of them: I feel like David cared more about what was in that diary than what Max had to tell him, and to a certain extent I get it. I mean I get like that too sometimes, I care about books and characters like they were real people and their pain is my pain and all of it is kinda messed up but I really get it. I just... I just think he needs to come back to reality. Because his kids don't belong in the show and the man he loves doesn't just exist as Micheal, they are all real and he can have them and it just feels like he is too afraid to take them or he feels like he can no longer have them. And the latter seems more possible, given how adamant he was that Max didn't love him anymore... I just think they're all really hurt and no one can see the big picture and that's not good. Plus sometimes I feel like David freezes. Like, in the flashbacks he is more open to showing his feelings, he laughs he teases he gets drunk he cries and he cries a lot and I don't mean that as a bad thing, it means he expresses himself without shame and that's wonderful but now he doesn't. He doesn't yell( except that one Mona time) he doesn't cry he just stares and its freaking me out. And I think the way you have written his character is really well handled, I mean we get to see things he does and says but not his thoughts or his perspective, how he feels about spending time with the kids and Max or Jaden or anything really. Don't get me wrong, I love Max in IALS, I really do,and I really get things from his perspective, i cant imagine how I would react if someone else was raising my kids, let alone the whole show/Jaden situation(I feel like David told Mallory that in order to protect the kids and not because he actually believes its his kids and not theirs but thats a different discussion)but he is more transparent than David.You have taken a character whose feelings were very easy to read in every other reality you have him and in this one you have made a mystery out of him and I think that shows real talent so hat's off to you. I just can't wait for the chapters where we get to see David's feelings and opinions on the current time line, because sometimes it feels like he lives without reacting, like his real life is the movie and the show is his reality, and I dont even know what I'm saying at this point. So to sum up, IALS has destroyed me ,my thoughts go a million miles a minute with theories and speculations and pain and hope(because hope is for the fools) and once again thank you and your talent for making me have... feelings, ugh!

I read this thrice. Three fucking times.

And I'm obsessed with it. As a writer, I know I put a lot of thought into what I write. But it never ceases to amaze me how much thought you guys put into reading these stories. It's overwhelming. Thank you.

You are absolutely right in the fact that David's narrative in the story (except for the flashbacks) is simply him reacting to situations. I once read somewhere that there is a difference between living and existing. I feel David just exists. He isn't living. He isn't alive. He almost feels like one of the characters from his show. Someone who is not real.

Even though his povs are so simple and straightforward, I find them the hardest to write. Because I have to make sure I don't write the way I LBAF David or any other Davids. It's a weird process. To write a character who feels so much and feels so freely as someone who is almost emotionless.

But I promise you he will feel again. You see, David stopped feeling when he lost something important. And he will start feeling again, not when he gets it back (you don't necessarily need closure to heal), but when he loses something again. And it makes him feel the pain, and every other emotion he keeps inside himself.

We are extremely close to getting closure. Well, not closure. But we are extremely close to understanding his part of the story. I know we get flashbacks from him, but every flashback says more about Max than it says about David. But it's going to change now :)

See you Saturday. It's an important chapter x

#IALS #why tf am i emo?

12 notes · View notes

adam-brooks · 16 days

Text

Old ass Journal entries

06/01/15

Fuck you Mr. Funyun! Dr. Vodka doesnt like you! He said you are hampering my healing. FUCK HEALING! I'm healed! Your yellow packaging and oniony yummy taste will not delude my thought matter when it pours onto this page! SILENCE!

You will seduce Me no longer! I have a better muse. Hahaha hahaha! That's right, Mr funyun! You've been replaced! By a girl so perfect, SHE is the muse that fell into my lap with a runny nose and proud boots. The imaginary puck bestowed this divine intervention upon me and my way to repay him is to create create CREATE!

Blurbs of entries dating between 2016-2017

*I'm depressed, let's just get that out now, because that is the reason for writing this.

*One black void is what I want to become.

*So what if some want to end it on their own terms or are just sick of it all?

*A question came to me last night while she laid in my bed, watching her breathing with her head cradled into her arm, which had the delicate fold of a leaf, her breath soft and smooth as she slept the sleep of animals and small children. She is so unassuming in her sleep. But the question was: Am I going to make it out of this alive? That just led to a whole line of other questioning that made me sink into my head like a ship with holes in it. And I really don't think that I am. I can't picture myself being 21. 35. 56. I can't even see myself making it to 18. I'm on a path that is ruinous. And I think if I just make peace with that, it won't hurt as much when it happens.

*If I tried not to love, if I tried to destroy what I'm made of and I really could get better, would you hate me then?

*I sit on my bed, hold a pen to paper and totally freeze. All I can scribble are some asymmetric lines and shapes or words from the song I'm listening to. A song thats, ironically, supposed to bring my muse back to life again. All I can think of is that it's better than laying my head in my hands staring into the void and thinking of nothing. At least with words, collecting them and arranging them in some order that resembles a thought, would be something. They are me trying to save myself from the torment devouring me. And all that just seems to have disappeared. And it breeds a lot of fear and confusion. I can see the word ‘expression’ slowly erased from my dictionary. Now the hypothesis being that the words are ME scattered onto a piece of paper, a sensible analysis would say that the absence of words suggests the absence of me. I find myself uninterested in mostly everything and nothing seems to move my heart. I am living the death of words. And I hope they are just napping somewhere inside of me.

*I have never let little shit bother me this bad. Is it because I put the illusion in my head? That beautiful picture that is stained now in the doubt of it all? Doubt. That feeling is bad.

*It's a reflex. To automatically shrug off a compliment, to not believe them.

*I used to look at a tree and see little things about it. I would feel something. But I can't now.

*I never should have let her touch me.

1 note · View note

mbabol · 7 months

Text

howwow night

finally. defeated soulmaster. jesus christ. i hated him. closest thing i felt to despair in this game

erm i only went that way to the city also bc npc told me i should get my weapon upgraded before i challenge mantislords. so i did. where am i gonna find ore btw

mantislords honestly ngl felt so much better than soulmaster. soulmaster made me wanna commit violence. mantislords made sense.

THE MANTISES ACCEPT ME NOW........THEY DONT ATTACK ME WTH

i havent even been able to keep up with the lore stuff. um. i didnt go into the deep nest yet bc i wanted to unlock the areas i could go with slam.

got lost trying to find the crystal slam spot and ended up getting into the caves thru some other bullshit path.

got EXTREMELY lost as a result, i hate thise flying crystal bugs btw

get so lost i fall into the burial mounds somehow (?)

DREAM VISION? I WAS RIGHT AGAIN THERES THREE GUYS AND A MAIN ONE. WHY ARE THEY HERE ? I WAS SO SCARED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT

i was so impatient btw to get out that when the dream sequence wnded and i was supposed to follow the appearing steps i literally kept jumping off my platform before the steps could form. i did that like four times before i gave up and just waited to see what would maybe happen

SO THATS WHAT RHOSE WEIRDO TREES ARE FOR <- dream nail

i somehow make my way back to the crystal caves after all this. i hate most of these puzzles. i REALLYYYY hated the crusher puzzles. i legitimatelt thought i wouldnt be able to finish those

i did tho.

i think i finished most of the crystal caves....? i got the crystal power dash so. yeah

caterpillar grandpa gave me a grub charm !

went back to the city of tears dont rmember why. exploring. i opened sewers the first time around but didnt go in bc it was dark. went in with the firefly lamp thing i bought. its horrifying down there.

THE MOBS IN THE SEWERS WERE SO CREEPYYYYYY UGHHHH I HATED IT !!!

the sounds they made wrre so unpleasant i honestly need to go back to finish exploring bc i mightve missed loot. i defeated the sewer boss tho one try hell yeah

oh yeah i died like five times in the crystal caves

i lost money once too.

found kings station......intriguing. also the poor little rich citizen zombies. i feel so bad abt the one who runs away. am i the bad guy? ive got a couple more cutscenes and plaques that suggest that i might be

OH YEAH I KNOW NOW so it seems like someone called the hollow knight sacrificed themselves to contain the orange plague in some way. it doesnt look very contained to me, but idk if that means it didnt work or if this is the best they can do actually and its just not spreading further. so i assume the hollow knight like. holds it somehow. in their body. which im wondering if i will end up doing in the end. bc. from the early game comment. i might be a little bit hollow myself.

the ghosties also said something like fhe plague is coming back...? do we need to renew the seal or somethng? i knew it wasnt really working as planned

um also i challenged the red guy in the burial grounds. he also wasnt too bad especialg when i figured out he cant get me when im healing underneath rhe platform. so. he also said some strange things. why did he attack the king? why was it assumed i would also attack the king? i thought the king was providing me soul? why provide soul if he isnt benevolent? what would i gain from fighting him? questions wuestions

im also trying so hard to save these grubs I HAD TO GO IN A TOMB FOR ONE. RHERE WERE GROSS MUMMY MOBS !!! IT WAS DISGUSTING THE SOUNDSSS THEY MADE

uh also somewhere in fungal mounds or whatever its called theres a crying person but i cant figure out how to get to them to talk lol

theres also some puzzles that i couldnt figure out that i might retry. acid is somehow my worst enemy still

i have so many rancid eggs now. why am i collecting thwm ?

#HK

1 note · View note

manifesting-mari · 1 year

Text

Not So Morning Pages 1/19/2023

I’m thinking a lot about my religious wounding and the ways i’ve been made to think there needs to be a bad guy and a good guy. That there needs to be a victim and perpetrator. I saw that being modeled growing up. I was either a good girl or a bad girl. My parents were always playing the victim of their circumstances. I think that’s why i went into this uber confident, uber power hungry kind of person. I had myself larger in order ot get my needs met, but i did not become whole. I left behind the parts of me that were truly victimized or the parts of me that felt victimized and for the past few months i’ve been really sitting with those parts of me. The parts that feel unseen and unheard. The parts that feel shame for having feelings. The parts that crave control and manipulate in order to feel secure. I’m grateful for this practice of being able to dig out whats there and lay them out in front of me.

A few weeks ago Tiz shared a clip of a video with me of a podcast where a man basically said what ive been telling him for months about how being right isnt necessarily the goal or the best way to get your point across to someone. And then he mentioned how in the full video the man talks about MLK, Ghandi, and Malcolm X saying how they were impactful due to their religious connection vs the left now that isnt grounded in faith. I feel that is correct. I feel that there is a subset of the left that has no connection to spirit, and in that it is the same shallow endeavor as teh right who are just manipulating religion in order to feel their own narratives. I’m wondering what needs to happen for the left to come into a more heart centered space? I also see how more likely than not, people on the left are the ones who are still grieving and processing their own religious trauma and the right’s use of religion directly triggers that pain and anger that needs to be processed.

How can we shift from being the victim to becoming empowered? What are other roles besides oppressed and oppressor? I was talking to Jordan about this this morning and i’m grateful for his perspective and insight. I didn’t even realize the ways i was perpetuating the cycle of victimhood within myself. I am no longer a victim, i am a survivor. I truly am a survivor of physical abuse. That shit isnt talked about more seriously and that hurts my soul. My heart breaks for the children and people who are still stuck in relationships where corporal punishment is the norm. How do we even begin to heal that? I can’t solve the world’s problems. Thats the first thing to come to terms with. I can only shift myself and embody a new paradigm. The first step is to choose to process my anger from my past in a safe and trusted space. Somewhere where i know i can be held, heard, and seen in my process. The next step is to give love to the parts of me that are still hurting and in pain. Today I dont feel that pain as much. Now that i’m letting go of the victim narative i can feel the tension around my heart subsiding. If i am not the victim, what am i? What can i be? Jordan said i could be at peace. Wow. what a concept. Lol that person knows what theyre saying lol.

What does peace feel like in my body? Well, first it feel uncomfortable. It feel like i shouldnt be at peace. It feels like i need to be fighting. But that need to fight does not me i dont want peace, it just means there still soemthing thats resisting. Resistance. Thats what always comes up for me in my journeys. Theres a part of me thats resisting to relax. Thats scared to relax. That feels guilty for relaxing. And now that i’m typing and reading these out, they seem funny. It seems

Lol i literally got distracted by my phone lol so tricky and clever, the parts of me that LOVE to kick and scream. That want something to be angry about because i have anger in my body that was never processed in a healthy way, so it want to come out in this victim narrative. I’ma victim of the system, i’m someone who peolpe leave. These narratives are blocks that keep me away from the peace that i wish to feel. I’m going to now be more aware of thes enarratives and try my best to catch them when they come up. I am empowered, i am secure in myself and in my knowing. I am now going to be observant of when peace comes up. AN dmaybe peace is feeling all fo that resistence and being at peace at its there. Peace and acceptance i think are like siblings. Peace is allowing the world to be what it is. Peace is allowing yourself to be who you are. I’m open to being wrong since this peace thing is a new thing i’m feeling.

I remeber last night i said “I just wanna be good.” what does good mean? I think i am good. I am a good person who tries her nest to be kind and loving to others and herself. I think good at some level means comfortable. I’ve become very comfortable with the uncomfrotable. I think thats my super power. But i can notice some things that make me uncomfortable and i quickly jump away from them. There is a part fo me that wants to indulge these feeling and let them play out. I think tahts teh existential Kink part of me. The insecurity, the sadness, the victimhood. They want to play out becaus ethey were never played out before. I think taking my time by myself to allow those feelings to play out is a good practoce for me right now. Not being reactive and just feeling. Giving myself time to not react. Knowing when i need to ask for support vs looking for escape.

Thats been another thing i’ve been observing. Support vs. escape. I’m very grateful i have people and place sthat i know i can go to for support. I am grateful for the places of trust that i have.a nd i have so many. I am also grateful for myself that i choose to be trusting and honest the best that I can. I can see the ways where in the past i did a lot of escaping and running. Escaping from myself. My hatred for myself. My own thoughts and feelings. I was my own bully, i was the oppressor and teh oppressed. Now i choose to be neither. I choose to be a healer.

I am a healer. I am not a victim. I am a healer. I am not a perpetrator. I am a healer. I am nto a good or bad person. I am a healer. I heal myself. I focus on healing and loving myself. I focus on healing the severed parts of myself to become whole with the divine that i know is part of me and part fo everyone else. When I’m not healing, I’m a human being having fun and enjoying all the things i can feel and experience in this human body. I came here to experience. To feel. To explore and expand. I came here to have fun and play. I cam here to love and to be loved.

I’ve been working of receiving. Receiving things from people. Receiving love. I can feel the tension that i still have around love. The narrative that i dont deserve love has lost a lot of its mental power, and even in my body i am become more aware of it. I am grateful that I am able to stop and pause and notice when my body is feeling activated and know that I can change the old narratives on the spot. Before when i was intimate with someone and i would get activated the narrative was “this feels go good its gonna end, i;m never gonna feel this way ever again.” but now i can catch myself when i’m feeling active and say “this feels really good and i just need to catch my breath and allow it to feel good.”

I was really activated the other day when trying to figure out all the stuff for my home renovation. I felt so uncomfortable receiving money from my mom. I felt so guilty receiving that i can now see the ways that i was projecting that guilt on to her. I want to be the person who can sit there and listen to someone else go through what theyre going through and be able to be with them in their experience. Also noticing the parts of me that want me to be present for my own experience. Just being. I dont have to change or fit anything right now. Just be. I trust that i know when is the right time to remove or transmute. I trust that my body knows what is right. The more i listen to my body, the more i make better choices for myself. Noticing when i’m activated and not immediately making a move has been such a pleasure. Actually giving myself time to be present for my own experience rather than trying to escape it. And i know i will still have some subconscious patterns that will try to take me away front he experience because it feels like its too much to deal with.

I don’t need to force myself to heal, the healing will happen on its own. I am present for my healing and i am committed to notice the ways where i am escaping and getting int he way of my own healing. When i am resisting the change that wants to happen. Now that i have become so much more aware than in the past, i know that trying to fight what is naturally happening is futile and unsustainable. I know now what helps for me is being present and listening and feeling what is happening. My body keeps the score, and also my body knows what to do. There is a bigger intelligence than my brain, my whole nervous system that helps control glands and organs and muscles that are performing subconsciously. My body is doing the work, i just dont need to get in its way. But i can help it. I can take care of it, love it. Feed it healthy foods. Treat it with care and compassion. Put into it things that bring more clarity and love. I am no longer oppressing my body. I am caring for it and loving it and trusting it.

#morning pages #the artists way

0 notes

obxjj · 3 years

Text

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank #outerbanks #outerbanks fanfic #obx #outerbanks season 2 #jj maybank imagine

232 notes · View notes

mirinda03 · 3 years

Text

@leaflinerambles asked me for an essay so i complied

Here’s why c!tommy deserves better

Tommy Danger Kraken Careful Innit deserves better.

(All of this is about the characters btw. Sometimes i don't put c! Because honestly its a lot of putting that so just know that unless it says cc! I mean character)

Now, I know that can be a bit of a controversial take for.. some reason??? People may say that actually, he deserves to face the consequences of his actions and deserves to be punished.

. What the fuck.

That's a sixteen year old. That a teenager. He doesn't deserve to be 1. Abused 2. Traumatized 3. Manipulated 4. Used and 5. Taught a ‘lesson’ that i'm sure he’s been taught far fat too many times.

Tommy is a complex character. As we all know, he's regarded as the ‘protagonist’ of the dream smp or the ‘main character’. Now, of course, being the main character is a very subjective term and that is a whole other fucking essay that im not gonna get into right now—

BUT.

I do think in a way Tommy has been involved in a lot of the more.. main plots. From season one to season three.

And of course, with being the ‘main character’ (again, a purely subjective term because it depends on the point of view you watch) come a lot of things and a lot of trouble. Mainly, from our main ‘villain’ of the series.

C!Dream, the fucking bitch.

As we all know, c!Dream has had a weird obsession with c!Tommy since.. probably the beginning?

He liked to antagonize Tommy, but that wasn't exactly special. The man liked to antagonize everyone! He seemed to just want the most chaotic option, which of course ended with him antagonizing others often for his own entertainment.

I think, in a way, Dream always saw the smp as a game. His own little puppet show, where he could move the strings. He wanted complete control

But Tommy was more stubborn than the others. Tommy actively went against Dream from the start, like we see in the disc war. Or L’manberg, or during manberg, or new lmanb—

You get the idea.

Tommy never gave in, and Dream’s obsession grew.

So.. exile happened.

And like, i'm not sure what exactly dream was planning but i'm assuming he wanted to like.. ‘break’ tommy?? Make him more ‘compliant’ to his twisted game?

C!Tommy was, to put it simply, abused. No sugar coating, that was straight up abuse and gaslighting and manipulation. The burning his armor? Making sure no one got an invite? Keeping Tommy at low health? EVERYTHING??

That was all clear manipulation. Tommy.. went through a LOT in exile. It still affects him as we know. ‘Plain biomes, small holes, logstedshire’ among other things have been added to his list of stuff that sets him off.

(And also the waking up drowning?????)

And i know, Dream almost had tommy in his grasp. He almost broke him.

But Tommy resisted. Tommy pulled back at the last second, in that dirt tower. He was strong enough to realize what dream was doing was wrong an he ran from a toxic environment and situation and honestly? Good👏 for 👏 him 👏.

But the trauma stayed, in many ways. And even during the raccoonit arc, tommy didn't really.. get a chance to heal?

During the techno and tommy arc, tommy seemed to direct his hurt into lashing out at others. He got angry, he lashed out, and he hurt people. Even if im a tommy apologist, i can acknowledge that during his time of poor mental health he hurt other people and he had to apologize (and he did!! But im getting to that)

Now. I am.. very conflicted when it comes to techno and tommy’s relationship. I do believe that, somewhere deep inside, they both cared about each other. However, bias and fanon influence can get in the way so i'm not touching on that.

The one thing i'm saying? It wasn't exactly a healthy dynamic. And again, not saying anything because bias could get in the way, but Tommy realizing the error of his ways and realizing he HURT PEOPLE is such a huge milestone??

He took responsibility by joining tubbo again. He said how his trauma did not excuse shit and he acknowledged it and he tried to CHANGE.

Even when faced with people who exiled him, who shunned him or who weren't there to visit during exile, he decided to be better and he once again took the role of the troop rallier even when he KNEW how impossible the task would be. He SAW Techno’s wither skull vault. He knew it was a losing battle.

But he stayed strong. And he fought for L’Manberg, for the last reminder he had of Wilbur (and oh, wilbur and tommy’s relationship in canon is a whole other can of worms god—)

Just for it to get destroyed.

By his abuser, and two people he had trusted. People he RELIED on.

Blown, to the ground.

And then dream.

Dream saying their story isn't over. Their story would NEVER be over.

. Bone chilling. Genuinely so.

And still. He faced Dream. He faced his abuser, the person who in his own words ‘ruined him’ and he refused to back down.

He refused to let Tubbo die. He refused to lose.

And in the end, Dream was sent to jail. Retribution was sent!

.. right?

Wrong.

Because even after that, Tommy continues to be haunted by dream or by the literal CULTISTS trying to kill him.

And to top it all off, he gets fucking trapped in prison with his abuser surrounded by a bunch of triggers in a small cell. And have we mentioned how he's canonically claustrophobic?

Yeah.. that was bad.

One week. Trapped with his abuser.

And still, he stayed strong. Still, he refused to give in and stayed himself,

And what did he get for that?

Death.

Beaten to death by his abuser of all things.

And he was trapped in the void for two months. Two. Months.

But in the human world? It had only been days.

And he was so so shaken by it. He couldn't even touch other people, he couldn't take any damage, he was treated as a ghost by people, he was called a ‘science experiment’ and the one thing he wanted? Normality? It was taken away from his forever.

Again, by his abuser.

Hes a traumatized child soldier whos done plenty of wrong in his life, but he's also a kid who needs to heal and learn to have healthy relationships because one way or the other every healthy mentor figure in his life turned against him or got corrupted and now he feels alone and he DIED and he needs fucking therapy come on.

And we KNOW the dream isn't done. Far from it. We know dream will never, ever be done. He's too obsessed with the game, with his favorite toy to let the game end. To let the people rest

C!tommy is so broken and jaded and traumatized. But still, he chooses compassion. Despite the trauma, he refused to hurt his best friend. Despite it all, he refused to blow up him home. He stays true to himself and he stays strong and even when the world tries to mold him he doesn't break.

And believe me, the world tries to break him and mold him so many times. He’s been manipulated or used before by others, but he still keeps his attachments and he still keeps himself and i think thats fucking admirable.

So yeah. I wholeheartedly believe tommy deserves better as do the other members of bench trio because honestly they're also children and they all deserve to heal come ON.

But yeah thats the essay

#dream smp #tommyinnit #dsmp #wilbur soot #c!dream negativity #c!technoblade negativity #sorta maybe??#ill tag it just in case #heres why tommy deserves better a detailed essay i wrote instead of sleeping /j #tubbo #tommy innit #tw abuse #tw death #tw claustrophobia #tw triggers #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation #dreamsmp

194 notes · View notes

ranger-rai · 3 years

Text

Alright guys, A lot has happened in the last couple of days so let me catch you all up.

So we have been getting some reports of a "Swarm" of pokemon causing some problems around Sinnoh.

We looked into it and after a couple nights of steakouts, we discovered that our "Swarm" was actually a Purrloin who knew Double Team.

Apparently it had been stealing from alot of small homes, mainly trash.

This Purrloin was incredibly aggressive and seemingly protective of something.

We tracked it down to to a small den just outside of Solaceon Town.

Well we were expecting it to be taking care of its kittens, however we did not expect what we actually found.

-------

We found this Purrloin trying to feed the scraps it stole to a Lycanroc.

The Purrloin was very protective and tried attacking us.

It was surprisingly tough for a single Purrloin, however we managed to restrain it.

However we found it weird that this Dusk Lycanroc wasn't moving or reacting much.

I went and checked it out when it was clear and we found something really unsettling.

This Lycanroc has some spine problems, I know this because it struggled to get up but when it did, it got on four legs, then two legs.

Now a Dusk form Lycanroc is made to be on all four like this

However its back is arced upwards like it's slouching.

It's also shaking a bit, and is covered in scratches and bruises.

Every time I try and get close the Purrloin starts thrashing and clawing.

We let it go and it made its way back to the Lycanroc, and started to guard it again.

We knew this was bad, so we made a plan to try and help them.

-------

We managed to get Purrloin secure once again and Lycanroc into a cage very carefully, but we kept them close together as we transported them.

Lycanroc was surprisingly docile and just seemed tired and dehydrated, so we made sure it got plenty of water.

Purrloin was on edge the whole time, making sure that Lycanroc ate, and keeping us at a distance, but I caught her eating from time to time.

We had to hold her down once again, but she used her double team to evade us for a bit. She really knows how to use that move.

Eventually we restrained her when we got to the Ranger Base and we had a medical technician look at Lycanroc.

They said that it had some severe spine misalignment, not from an injury but from constant strain.

At some point during our conversation, we noticed Lycanroc trying to get up, and "stand up" again on two legs, like a Midnight Form Lycanroc.

It was really odd to see, and the tech helped put it him back onto two legs, but it almost seemed scared to be touched when in that position.

This wasn't battle damage, this was intentional trauma.

Purrloin was definitely upset, and managed to get free and started scratching at the technician.

Thankfully I restrained her so the technician could work more, and I calmed her down a bit.

The tech said that they would need to run some tests on the Lycanroc to see if they could fix his back, so we had to let him stay for a while.

However we couldn't leave Purrloin there in case she tried to attack the tech again.

-------

I didn't want to seperate them, but I needed her to be somewhere safe while the technician did his job, so I got her into a carrier and took her with me on my rounds.

She was hissing and scratching for a while but I sat and talked with her for a bit and she seemed pretty alert but much calmer.

Most of the day was just a usual trip around my areas, however I started finding alot more litter in some areas.

There was alot of trash on the ground in a park area just outside Veilstone City, and normally I would pick it all up, but there was alot, almost like there was a carnival recently there, but there was nothing planned as far as I knew.

I also noticed Purrloin getting really upset and hissing a lot.

I looked around the trash and found a bunch of flyers for some kind of venue.

"Mister E's Enigmas"

The flyer listed a sort of sideshow of oddities.

Things like:

The Fire Breathing Treecko Brothers, Dancing Donphan, and their star attraction-

"The Were-Lycanroc" a pokemon that could switch between forms.

That's when it hit me, and I knew someone was going to get in trouble.

-------

After bringing this information to the technician and my boss Jo. Me and my Ranger Team decided to attend the show incognito to see if we were right, and boy we wish we weren't.

We attended what could only be described as a shifty, pop up carnival.

There were a few games, a couple food trucks, and a large tent that held the "main events".

There were some "exotic" holding cages that people could interact with like a small cage for two Emolga to live in, they could barely get into the air before smacking into the roof.

There was a small area that had a large heat lamp for "desert" pokemon, but it was mostly a browning Cacnea, a Trapinch with barely enough sand to cover its body, and a Salandit which didn't belong there.

There were others but we already knew what those cages would be like as well.

The show kn the main stage was getting ready to start, so we decided to check it out.

"Mister E" took to the stage, he had your typical big top attire, top hat, long tails, but he had a stripey pattern that made him look like a hypnotic wheel.

He introduced his first act, which was "The Fire Breathing Treecko Brothers". I was worried.

Now Treecko is a Grass Type, and it only learns one grass type move naturally: Sunny Day.

They also don't have any natural immunities to fire types, so this didn't make much sense for normal Treecko.

From what I saw in the act, they learned how to eat fire and pretend they were using flamethrower. However you could tell they didn't like it. Treecko are calm and collected pokemon, but those two looked stressed out, and they were molting a bit in certain areas near their face and tails, probably due to the flames and stress.

After them was the "Dancing Donphan". Donphan is a very heavy pokemon, and it's main skill is rolling like a tire.

This Donphan looked much lighter, like it hadn't been fed its regular amount to keep it healthy.

Minnie also mounted out that the music playing during the dance had a weird sound mixed in. Basically, whenever we heard the sound, Donphan would do a move like jumping or rolling over. The sound was similar to a sort of crash, but it was clear that it was a sound that Donphan was afraid of.

Now came the finale, "The Were-Lycanroc" however that part didn't happen, and instead they brought out some clowns and the Treecko Brothers again.

Thats when we knew what was really happening.

-----

I went back to check on Lycanroc who was sleeping like a log with Purrloin right next to it.

I didn't remember any cages with any feline pokemon in them so maybe it was just a wild Purrloin, but I wasn't going to disturb them to find out.

The doctor told me that it might take some time, but Lycanroc's spine and back legs were forced to move in positions they weren't supposed to for so long, that it would take some time, therapy and equipment to help it.

If there was a chance to help this poor pokemon I knew we would take it, but we also couldn't leave all of those other pokemon to suffer.

We were about to get really busy at the Ranger Base.

------

The next day, Me and Minnie went incognito one more time and we had to sit through that horrible show once more.

We had Skip with us, helping to send info and let us know of any devices or intercept their communications.

Turns out we didn't know that was happening because they had police scanners to avoid getting caught and they had wireless security cameras inside the tent.

They were prepared, but so were we.

My whole team was on board, both Humans and Pokemon.

We had a plan that began with Kuriboh knocking out some generators by sneaking around and unplugging everything he could.

That caused some confusion for a bit while we got in place. While they went to secure their "precious cargo", we made our presence known.

Eddie was outside the tent, dealing with the muscle and moving crews, his Bewear is very strong and pretty quick too, so we didn't need to worry about them much.

However we still had Mister E.

I told Bliss to keep an eye on him so we wouldn't loose him in the panic, but we had a delay as some of the Treeco Bros fire got out of control and some of the tent started to catch on fire.

Minnie and her Cloyster were immediately ready to deal with it and she was ready to help the Treeco Bros as well.

Bliss was able to keep tabs on the ringleader who was trying to get into his van and split, most likely with his cash.

However, Sylvester doesn't like people who mistreat pokemon, and Jo's Tangrowth has some really strong vines. Strong enough to rip car doors off hinges.

------

We had caught this terrible man, and we discovered he had been doing this for a couple of years, just now making his way through Sinnoh, and he was looking for some pokemon to add to his show.

We also watched some of his security tapes and we learned that "Were-Lycanroc" was really just a Dusk Form that he forced to stand up and slouch over by constantly whipping with a flexible stick. And with the assistance of red lights, smoke machines and music, hey could make people think it was changing forms.

We also learned that Purrloin was tossed into Lycanroc's cage, possibly as a "play thing" but I guess he actually made a friend either her and hiding her from Mister E, and she had been caring for him as well, stealing food and causing trouble for them whenever she could.

Needless to say, we were able to get them arrested, and we are now in the process of evaluating some of these pokemon, but we may have too many to deal with here.

We might need to reach out for some help.

------

In the case of Lycanroc and Purrloin, they are comfortably resting in holding, and Lycanroc is be getting fitted for some equipment to help its spine and legs heal.

I'll be checking on them soon, but for now me and my team need to rest after this long day.

90 notes · View notes

inkdemonapologist · 3 years

Photo

Tfw it’s like 6am and your penpal shows up at your hotel room but he’s like partially a demon and also won’t stop smiling????

Hi again Allison we’re all Very Normal

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

ANYWAY HAVE SOME, OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTES for Session 6!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] You said you were there for... inSPECTION?? [Jack] In hindsight, that must've been a HECK of a Fast Talk considering half the group is in pyjamas.

[Henry] It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to sacrifice Henry.

[GM] *about Sammy's sacrifice attempts* He was very polite about it. [Sammy] Yeah, he was! [Henry] He was very polite, he gets points for politeness. [GM] And then he got yelled at, so unfairly! By someone. [Sammy] And then melted! So everyone was on the whole very rude about it. It's your own fault he's like this now.

[GM] We'll say it's ajar, how about that? [Joey] Oh, I thought it was a door.

[Sammy] You can spend Luck!! [Jack] Do I want to use Luck points, though? Here's the problem, I'm the person who finishes the JRPG with twelve thousand healing items, and has used TWO. [Sammy] Here's my counterargument: if your Luck gets really low, you start failing Luck checks, and bad things happen to your character. [Jack] ...that's a perfect counterargument, I'm going to do it.

[GM] You both spot the hat with the press card! Lying on the floor, over by one corner of the sliding doors. [Jack] Oh that's BETTER than taking sanity damage! [Sammy] EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

[Joey] There's another jug of space juice. [Sammy] I don't want space juice!! I WANT PAINT.

[Henry] *tired* Hey, Sam. [Sammy] What providence, my little sheep! [Henry] ...Good to see you too.

[Sammy] Go into the other room and introduce yourself! [Joey] With two hats on. [Sammy] ASSERT DOMINANCE!

[Jack] Jack is going to take the hat. He's going to have, uh, at least one emotion. [Jack] Maybe more [Jack] Imagine

[Joey] Joey is immediately going to clamp his hand onto Sammy's shoulder, and ask him if he can feel it. [Sammy] UHHH? His... hand...? [Joey] Not-- No, the stone. [Sammy] OH

[Jack] Jack, how are you going to communicate this if one of your hands is taken up by a hat? [Joey] Interpretative dance! [Sammy] Put hat in elbow while writing, you can juggle stuff, [Henry] Put the hat on. Over your other hat.

[Sammy] Sammy will scurry with or without the sheep, but they are his navigation system, so,

[Joey] That is a place we are known to be by the people who tried to... murder us?? Or something. Snake us??????? [Jack] (Snurder.) [Joey] Snurder us.

[Henry] We're just gonna grab our stuff and head out and... let you finish dealing with the sNAKE, I guess!! [Jack] (the snake has already been dealt with!) [Henry] Okay, but the aftermath of the snake! The snaftermath.

[Sammy] In case we get grabbed by an Angel [Sammy] the much less well-liked sequel to Touched by an Angel,

[Sammy] You traitorous sheep, this is not what I asked you for! [Joey] Do you want to die. Is that what you’re interested in?! Just, sacrificing yourself, without doing the proper rituals, not getting anything done--?! [Sammy] What do you know of proper rituals?! [GM] (....quite a lot, actually,) [Joey] Yeah! Much more than you do! And I will make an intimidation roll! [Jack] Boys,... you’re both pretty,... it’s okay....

[Joey] We’re pretty sure there’s Angels.... does she know how to kill them. [Jack] What a first thing to—! No pleasantries, no “please excuse the fact that I’m grinning and have weird eyes and also Sammy has weird eyes and also I have a tail,”

[GM, speaking for Allison] She would like to know what all this is about! [Joey] We’re having problems— [Sammy] He tried to contain something that should not be contained!! [Joey] Shut up, Sammy! We’re having problems!

[Joey] Joey is just going to quickly explain that he.................... [Joey] *mumbling to himself* how do you explain this???

[Joey] Um... I guess he’s going to mentally ping Bendy and ask him how he would describe himself? Like... what was his job, I guess?? Security??? [GM] Bendy says that he’s an eldritch construct that was defending a cult... and now he is something else! That he doesn’t have a word for. [Jack] !! He’s a FRIEND now!!! [GM] He’s friend-shaped! But not at the moment. [Joey] No, right now he’s Joey-shaped.

[Sammy] I mean the whole body is garbage but you apparently want Sammy to wear clothes, so whatever.

[GM] Allison adds that she thinks she might have a connection to get you guys in to the party, if you need that -- [Joey] Wouldn't hurt! [GM] -- so long as you don't mind pretending to be the help! [Joey] ...hm,,,

[Joey] Admittedly, having two angles would be better than one. [GM] Two angels, what? [Sammy] There's an "I can be your angle or yuor devil" joke somewhere in this campaign...

[Sammy] Well, we've learned how to bind an angel, [Jack] Gotta teach the angel proper binding techniques!

[Sammy] Sammy will thank Allison for her help. [Joey] Oh god, there IS something wrong with him!

[Joey] Let's go get Norman tied up in this more! So we can hire him later!!

[Sammy] Jack over there like "I hope it doesn't taste bad" meanwhile Sammy's been grimacing as he swallows paint for the last two hours, [GM] Ink is much better, didn't you know! [Sammy] Ink is better... this tastes wrong... [Joey] I just really love the idea of Sammy longingly looking at Joey's flask like, "aw, you have the good medicine, mine tastes like the terrible cherry crap!"

[GM] So you all have shots with Allison! Space juice shots. [Jack] What a way to start the morning!

[Jack] These boys are gonna heckin' pass out! [GM] They got, what, maybe 3 hours of sleep? [Jack] And all of Jack's sleep last night was sat upright in bed, with his glasses on, surrounded by notes, [Henry] sounds like college [Jack] You're exactly right, Jack's sleep was exactly like college! He was stressed, he didn't sleep for very long, he was surrounded by notes, Pete was there,

[Joey] *saying farewell to Allison* Keep yourself safe; don't go out where we're going. [Joey] Unless we don't return, then pLEASE COME OUT AND FIND US,

[GM] Norman says, "Oh, I see you're back with your friends, Smiley." [Jack] I love the concept of Norman calling Sammy "Smiley," and then Prophet Sammy, in response to this, smiles, and Norman has no idea if this is like, weird? or some kind of strange power move to assert dominance.

[GM, as Norman] When I said I saw things happening on the 2nd, you're the one that went pale! [Joey] How's Prophet Sammy's cONCEPT OF TIME, [Sammy] Not great!!!! [Sammy] I don't think he... knows when the 2nd was.

[Sammy] Forgive my memory. That doesn’t ring a bell! [Joey] He's... a little affected right now. [Norman] ...you don't say...

[Joey] Listen. I have $75 here for you, to take us out to the lake, as soon as possible. [a couple minutes of googling later] [Jack] That's equivalent to $1,464. Joey. [Sammy] CAN YOU IMAGINE?? "We need you to take us to the lake please" "Alright, but explain to me what's going on?" "SORRY, the guy who said that is clearly HIGH OUT OF HIS MIND, here's A THOUSAND DOLLARS, take us to the lake please!" [Jack] its a trip to the lake, what could it cost, $75 [Joey] *laughing* I should've looked up how much money I was saying before I was saying it, [Sammy] No, no, I think this is accurate to JOEY DREW

[Henry] Henry is just watching everything happening... [Sammy] Henry is waiting for the next video game breadcrumb trail to show up. [Henry] YEAH, [Jack] “Oh! Looks like I need to put three gears in this thing!”

[Sammy] I'm so angry on Sammy's behalf that you've made him meet two different people like this.

[Joey] If he does ask for money later, Joey's going to give it to him, because he has no concept of.... money.... [Sammy] No concept of GIVING OUT ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS [Jack] Can Joey Drew meet me, in real life, please? [Joey] I don't know if you want that to happen,, that might be more of a curse,,, [Jack] I'll take a curse! Gimme money! [Sammy] vOICE OF EVERY JDS EMPLOYEE

[GM] And you've got suits, and dress shoes...... [Sammy] We are not dressed for this. [Sammy] ...We are more dressed for it than we were earlier. I promise you, Norman, this is a step up, believe it or not.

[Sammy] Probably making a face because it tastes bad. [Henry] Tastes like paint! [GM] The cab driver might just wonder if that's a new drink this year. [Sammy] If nobody jumped on top of Sammy to stop him from using his mouth, he would probably say something with vibes of "this is beyond your comprehension" [Joey] Joey might try to stop that, and instead just be like, “Yes. It is.” [Henry] He's high. Don't worry about it. [Jack] Driver's just like "oh, I should try some of that when I get off work, seems like a good time!" [Sammy] You should! It'll open your eyes! [Sammy] (I'll stop evangelising the cab driver now.)

[Henry] Henry is: Sims Tense Moodlet.

[Joey] Joey instantly does not like this, and it is apparent on his face, if Sammy can see it in the mist. [Sammy] Probably not! [Jack] You could say he mist it!

[Henry] We need to hurry—! [Sammy] *screaming* THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING!!!!!!

[Sammy] Sammy will be, sort of... whispering reassurance? I don't know how reassuring it actually is, [Henry] I'm sorry Sam, nothing about you is reassuring right now. [Sammy] Just kind of like, hush hush, come my sheep, that sort of thing, [Joey] Prophet ASMR Channel! [Jack] I'm sure Jack would appreciate this actually, it's a shame he's not the one getting this, [Joey] No, he's getting whatever comfort Joey can offer, which, uh, [Sammy] Well, and I will say, he's not like, whispering it in Henry's ear, like-- [Jack] I don't think Sammy in any form is capable of whispering. [Sammy] ...y'know [Sammy] that's fair

[Sammy] Well everyone's doing alright! We're doing great, it's going great! [Jack] Nooooo! No going great! I want more insanities! [Jack] ...I can stop at any time, I swear.

[Sammy] We can hold Norman's hand if you want, like, that's up to you. [Joey] Roll for gay, Norman! [Henry] Take him to dinner first,

[Sammy] This is such a bad idea that we're having.

[Joey] Joey is probably at this point holding onto someone else to guide him, and more in his head than not. [Sammy] Sammy's out of hands at this point, Joey, so you'll just have to figure this out. [Sammy] Got his hands full of sheep.

[Joey] Did Norman drink the juice. [GM] Did he...? Did he...... I think he was convinced enough by “this drink will save your life” that he does take a drink! [Joey] I'll roll intimidation if that helps! [GM] Yeah, you can roll to see how quickly he does it, or if he drinks enough of it. [Joey] *rolls* That's an EXTREME SUCCESS. [GM] Well, there we go; there's a preview, Norman, of your work environment!

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #joey drew #when in doubt just keep drawing #jack henry sammy and allison are here too #i just love the permasmile so much

137 notes · View notes

seancekitsch · 4 years

Text

Dislocated

A/N Warnings: description of injury, references to violence, oral sex, penetrative sex, diego being a soft little angel but also very sexy hot sex man, cursing, diego has long hair but other than that no spoilers, mild product placement because me and u and everyone else are slaves to capitalism, references to diegos comics powers

“Fuck. Where do you keep your bactine?”

“My what?”

“Bactine! You know the spray stuff I use. It would really help that split knuckle of yours,” Diego sounds exhausted, but there's a hint of teasing, or maybe pride in his voice as he rummages on his hands and knees in your bathroom cabinet. The knuckle on your middle finger of your left hand is split open, oozing blood and angry looking. Your bathroom, and the two of you, look like a scene out of a horror film tonight. There is his shirt, which was white earlier tonight, now a red and pink and brown tie dye with blood, some of it yours. You have your hand, and a bruise blooming under your eye.

“My knuckle wouldn’t need anything if those people hadn’t come after us,” you snap, “Who were they anyway?”

“Oh you know, someone with something against someone in my family,” Diego offers as he digs, as if it's commonplace to fight off attackers on date night. As if this was something normal people from normal families dealt with. Of fucking course, you think.

“Someone? Or you specifically, babe?”

He sits back at this, and a hard look crosses his features, not at you, contemplating, then breaks into the slightest grin as he looks down at the gauze and neosporin in his hands and nods. Thats fair. From where you're sitting on the rim of the tub, he looks like some kind of action hero in the night. Some real die hard shit in your dimly lit bathroom. Normally, it's you in his position, but you doubt you look like this. He's got his vigilante bullshit, which frequently has him showing up during booty call hours needing to be bandaged up before thanking you with a little action of your own. You wonder if he's going to be as good a nurse to you as you are to him, or if he's genuinely a little angry at your role in what transpired tonight. You didn't even make it to your dinner reservation, opting to walk because the weather was nice, before two men dressed exactly the way unnamed baddies in a die hard film grabbed at you from behind and the two of you had to defend yourselves. Only some of the blood on his shirt was yours. This is probably why he always wears black. He looks damn good in black.

“Anyone ever taught you how to fight? Throw a punch?”

You tilt your head, which is a bad move because it feels a little heavy, giving him a look that says of course no one did.

“Right,” he nods and you figure that once you heal he will probably be changing that. Diego never wanted to rope you into anything having to do with the academy or what he does at night, unless it was seeing his siblings in almost real people circumstances like dinners. But seeing you get hurt tonight means he obviously has to make some changes to that mindset, you have to be able to defend yourself if for ever some reason he can't. You're going to have to get sweaty, and not in the way you like to. But anything for your safety, Diego thinks. He cannot risk losing you after having lost so much.

He resigns to this as he helps you up, puts you on the bathroom counter with the vanity, you now sitting on the edge of the sink so he can sink down and sit while he cleans your hand. You were lucky that it was just the left hand. Your right hand had been spared from your left’s bloody fate because of the way your right hand tried to seek out Diego while your left threw a clumsy punch, but the hardest one you'd ever thrown. Your whole arm aches and your bracelet had been broken, but you have to say you're lucky for this being your only injury. Diego clutches your hand, a bit harder, but that's because he knows you're not going to like the feel of the neosporin as it makes contact with your skin. He has a substantial amount on his fingers of the hand that's not holding yours, and looks you in the eye as he makes the ointment meet your skin. No matter how gentle he can be when he wants to, it stings. It's supposed to be that way so it doesn't get infected and kill you, but you can't help the hiss that leaves your mouth and the wince across your features. As he rubs it in, you can feel yourself getting used to the pain. It doesn't subside but it becomes more manageable as it becomes something more familiar. Is this what Diego feels each time?

It feels worse again when Diego stops rubbing it in, and reaches for the bandages. Maybe because you don't want him to stop touching you, but maybe it is because of more exposure to the air. He uses the hand holding yours to hold it in place as he wraps, gently again, but so the wrap is pulled tight. You have some movement, but you won't be making a fist again for a while. He ties it off, tapes it to make extra sure, and then kisses the knuckles over their bandage as you smile down at him and laugh. Hes a perfect romantic gentleman when he wants to be.

He stands and reaches behind you, arms going around you on either side. You reach to hug him back tightly, only you hear him chuckle as the water of the sink turns on behind you. He's washing the chemicals from his hands. After he scrubs real well, dries his hands, he returns the hug, burying his face in your neck and squeezing tightly as if he's trying to make sure you're still there. His relief fans out as an exhale along your neck and you can physically feel his entire body relax against you now because you're safe. You're going to be okay.

“How'd I do, baby?” he asks, still burying his face in your neck, “Good enough that your nurse gets a tip?”

“Nurses don't get tips.”

“You usually do.”

“I didn't say you wouldn't be rewarded for your efforts, did I?”

He pulls back to look you in the eye.

“So what do I get?”

“Anything you want, baby.”

Diego’s hands are gentle as they trail from your shoulders down your sides, gripping fistfuls of the flowy shirt you wear and pulls you to the edge of the counter. Still gentle. Still full of fear for you. Maybe mixed and speckled with relief.

The way his hands continue south, to unzipper your pants, pulling them off slowly, gently, an act of love and service more than an act of lust. He inches the fabric over your ankles, your feet, discards them somewhere outside the doorway into the hall with a small toss. Rises back to his knees for a moment, takes a pause to wrap his arms around you in a hesitant hug, like he could break you, his arms warm. Your arms instinctually settle on his shoulders to cradle the back of his head in your bandaged and loved hands before he snaps out of the moment and moves on to your shirt. He pays special attention to the buttons, one after the other slow and meticulous. If this were another night and a shirt you didn't care much about, there's a good chance he would have just cut the shirt from your frame. But tonight he's doing things like a holy man with an intricate ritual. When the last button is unfastened and free, his palms flatten, slowly slide up your torso over your stomach, over your breasts, and to your shoulders where he moves the fabric from them with the feather light touch taking extra time to feel your left shoulder, the one that swung the momentum of the punch that split your knuckle. He’s checking to see if its dislocated, you realize.

“D? Baby, I’m okay. You're good at playin’ nurse,” you reassure him.

He seems to understand, as he next pulls the straps from your bra down your shoulders, slides his hands behind your back, and makes sure you feel the heat from his hands as he makes work of the clasp. Your underwear is next, and a hint of Diego on a normal night shines through, with one hand splayed across your back he uses the other to pull the underwear down from one hip, then switches sides and tugs on the other side. He makes quick work of them, unlike the tempo he had going. They end up somewhere in the doorway near your pants, but you don't really care about their location because he's pressing his lips against your chest just around your sternum and his facial hair tickles. You still weren't completely sure where he came back from or what he went through a few months ago, but the way that he loves you and treats you like the most precious thing is definitely welcome. As was the new lack of haircut and the less groomed facial hair. He kisses lower and lower, making you shiver with anticipation of what's to come, before he settles where he's needed now.

Diego moves slowly, glacial. The way he licks you open has no purpose, merely exploratory and drawn out. Mapping you on his tongue. But it doesn’t fail to have you mewling above him, one hand gripping the counter and the other buried in his hair as his strong calloused hands hold you open for him to drink full. He dips lower, where you need him, then travels north again as if oblivious to your reactions. He could do this all night. He stays there, meandering; savoring the taste lazily as you grow more impatient at the non-committal non-specific way he licks and kisses and moves. You feel like you are hors d'oeuvres and not a meal for a starving man. And then Diego does what Diego does best. He surprises you. A hard suck to your clit has you inhaling sharply, gasping through your nose as your toes curl and your eyes flutter shut. You lean back over the sink, back of your head resting on the mirror as you try to present yourself at an easier angle for him. He dives into licking you in full-heartedness now, fucking you with his tongue, kissing and sucking at your clit, absolutely killing any coherent thought coming through your mind right now. The benefits of dating a man that can hold his breath indefinitely was definitely what he did with his mouth to you when you were alone.

He adds a finger and you automatically think you've died. He knows exactly what he's doing when he fucks you like this, his mouth adding to the wetness dripping from you as he works you over, putting just enough pressure behind each thrust of his hand to have you seeing stars. Your eyes roll back as a wanton moan tears from your throat and it sounds like someone elses voice desperately chanting his name as he has you coming, coming, and coming on his face and hand. He stays down there, the one hand still on your thigh to hold you in place, to give you a light squeeze, release some of the muscle tension built up while he licks his other hand clean sucking the digit into his mouth obscenely while he smiles up at you like an angel. He rises up from his knees and kisses your cheek with his wet mustache and beard and wraps loose arms around you, a sweet and lazy gesture.

Diego incites a passion in you that's rare. You can't recall ever wanting a person this much. So despite being sensitive from the absolute divinity of what he'd just done to you, you can't help but to jump off the counter. You reach for his pants, taking the time to feel his hard length under the fabric before you pop the button and unleash the teeth of the zipper. You pull them down just enough to free him from his boxers, and then turn yourself around to bend down against the damp counter you'd just been sitting on, looking at him through playful eyes in the mirror as he stares back, dick out and hesitant. He puts a cautious hand on your hip.

“No, not like this. I wanna see you.”

You meet his eyes in the mirror and tap on the glass with your good hand. He reaches for that arm and slowly turns you to face him.

“No baby,” he refutes, cradling your face in his strong hands, “I n-need to see you.”

So you nod, understanding that he needs this, and reposition yourself to lay on the small woven rug you kept on the floor. The bathroom floor is not the most comfortable place to lay, but this is for Diego and his peace of mind. You yield to his touch and his control over the situation as he finishes undressing and sinks down onto the floor to take his place above you. To indulge in the relief that you are okay, to bask in your gratefulness at how well he patched you up.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your neck as he kisses you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Because you got hurt? Because he needed more tenderness than you originally wanted to give him? Because earlier tonight he was so fucking afraid he’d never get to look into your face again that he has to look you in the eye when you make him come tonight?

Your bandaged hand finds its way into his hair and holds him there, close, as your fingers go to work to massaging words of comfort into his scalp. He kisses your neck once, twice, three times before lining himself up with your entrance and pushing into your cunt. You're wet, so excruciatingly and devastatingly wet and god it almost hurts him to bottom out inside you the same way something so hot can almost feel cold when it touches your skin and puts your nerves into overdrive. You're so sensitive from his mouth that you have to bite into the skin of his broad shoulder to muffle the scream that rebels against you to break into the air. Your teeth in his skin is his only relief from the soft tight burning taking over him from where your bodies join. He only moves when your teeth recede, his thrusts slow and short and deep, savoring the feeling of being connected, of being inside, of being home. His arms hold you in place while he thrusts just as much as they hold you just to feel you against him at any point of connection he can find. A vow to keep you close, to keep you where you both need each other to be. He moans deeply into your neck, the side of your face, kissing the moan into your jaw like a promise. It's more real than any declaration of love and more spontaneous than any act of romance. It's Diego.

You can feel yourself getting lost in this, in him. He's pushing you to the edge again. For you, one is too many, and a thousand is never enough with Diego. Its you selfishly moving your hips against the rhythm of his, making you both a little shocked but not embarrassed (never embarrassed) at how close you both are already. There's a desperation in both of your actions, and he pulls back just enough to see you, to let himself be seen by you. Only you. Is this what you look like when you make love after setting stitches in wounds that will definitely scar? You hope so, because he looks like heaven itself. He fucks you through your high (with a scream of his name and tears on your cheeks), fucks you through his own(with a stuttering chant of your name and deadly eye contact), then gives you one more with his mouth on the bathroom rug (with quiet whimpering and praise from both of your lips). Diego lifts you up on unsteady legs and you both tumble into bed. You sleep in late the next morning. You miss calls from his siblings that all go to voicemail. You're home safe.

#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves smut #diego hargreeves fanfic #diego hargreeves imagine #my work

786 notes · View notes