I remember saying phrases like:
"I'm getting worse"
"I'm declining and that's not typical of my diagnosis"
"I'm in more pain"
"I'm more exhausted"
"I'm not getting any better"
"this medication isn't helping"
"I'm struggling with my balance & coordination"
"I get weakness in my limbs"
"I now need help for daily tasks"
"my lymph nodes are swollen"
"I'm asking for help and noone is doing anything"
"can I please have an MRI or more tests done"
But they didn't listen. They either didn't think it was enough to warrant looking at, they didn't care, saw me as a hypochondriac, whatever it was I don't fucking care. They didn't listen.
And now my brain is fucked. FUCKED.
Lesions aplenty. I've started to notice the decline coming faster, my short term memory is gone (past 3 years), it will take me 5 to 10 tries to remember a word and even then I might have to describe it instead, because I can't remember the word, I'm reading family members names like I don't know who the hell they are, I'm more exhausted than ever before, physically and mentally, the head pain is constant, either low level or at it's max, it's always there, my eyes hurt, to touch to blink, to exist, my hairs falling out, I have all sorts of lumps and bumps in my skin attributed to MCAS, it's simply non stop.
I have cried, begged, screamed, persistently asked for help, been extra extra extra polite thinking I'd get somewhere with that, I've consistently told them the (God's) honest truth, and been turned away, diminished, manipulated into believing it's something else like anxiety, that I'm just a headcase.
It's as if when I ask for help, they think it's just for that day, as if im only experiencing those symptoms, when I dare to complain about them, to them.
We're led to believe they can help. They can, but they'll decide if, when, how, why. We're told they can help us. They can, but they don't listen and think it's an exaggeration.
I remember when I asked for help. The doctors face. The words of denial I received. The disdainful look, like I was making it up. The blame they put on me, for experiencing the symptoms I still am.
I remember when I asked for help, now look at me.
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Welp. Doctor doesn’t want to use any of the mast cell stabilizing meds because of mood side effects (?) and there’s no where to go for a skin prick tests or anything further because I live in a rural shithole so that’s that.
Allergic reactions to everything and overdosing on antihistamines forever it seems. Gonna get married to the Hat Man and his million spider babies.
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tw: content under a cut for talking about calorie counting (in a positive way), restrictive medical diets, and MCAS 'remission.'
So it's been 5 months since I last saw the GI doctor who took me seriously regarding my mast cell dysfunction, and not only have I gained a LOT of foods back into my diet under his care without experiencing idiopathic anaphylaxis, but I've also managed to eat 2000 calories almost every day for the last 5 months.
Prior to his care, since 2020, I had been mostly surviving on a liquid diet with the odd bit of solid carbs and protein when I could handle it.
Which was better than the 2 things I could digest safely prior to 2019, which were oatmeal and filtered tap water toward the end when I was dying. But even after I recovered from that, any time I went over 700 calories a day in solid food, I'd be writhing in pain.
I still have days when the pain hits, and all I can manage is liquids, but those days are so much less, and thanks to being able to eat more foods, I can at least liquidate more nutrients to make sure I'm getting what I need.
Things will never be 100% healed. That's not the nature of this kind of immune disease. But they're better. I'm better. I'm still so scared to say any of this is in remission because MCAS is wildly unpredictable. But I'm so much better than I was.
And I'm going to go happy-cry and eat a gluten-free cupcake about it.
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I just bought myself a manga about the artist going through severe illness and I found it comforting to read someone else's experience, so I thought maybe I would share a little about my experience with MCAS again. so here's all the pills I take!
cromolyn. 2 ampules mixed with water 4x/day (although I'm often out of bed for 12 hours or less and have trouble keeping track of time, so often it's 3x instead). mast cell stabilizer.
multivitamin. I only took this for a week so far and stopped to gather data. (my paranoia was getting bad, which often means I'm reacting to a med. this is a cheap one with many fillers.) meant to make up for difficulty accessing food and possible malabsorption.
fludrocortisone. 2 pills a day. for POTS.
atenolol. 1 per day. also for POTS.
montelukast. 1 per day. technically for asthma, but works by blocking one of the signals the mast cells send.
loratadine (aka claritin). 1 pill 2x/day, which we had to fight the insurance about after a while. antihistamine, meant to prevent anaphylaxis by blocking a different mast cell signal.
aspirin. 2 pills 2x/day. to reduce inflammation and control chronic pain.
whichever oral hormonal birth control my insurance will give me (it varies). 1 per day. menstruation makes my MCAS flare and I still have incomplete cessation even after an ablation, so I keep taking it even when not putting myself at risk of pregnancy.
dye-free diphenhydramine (aka benadryl). another antihistamine, taken when my MCAS flares to reduce or completely end the symptoms. (the pink dye in the regular formulation is actually a very common trigger.)
low-dose prednisone. steroid kept on hand for unavoidably high-demand occasions (like moving across the country) or unshakable prolonged flares (like, a week).
that's 8 pills in the morning, 3-4 at night, 8 ampules in the day, and 2 different emergency meds. plus I try to drink a gatorlyte every day (also good for POTS and certain mineral shortages) and try to avoid triggers (including heat, stress, and overexertion -n- )
3 and 4 were the first meds that ever made me feel any better, before we'd figured out it was MCAS. (likely with secondary POTS/EDS.) 6 and 7 are the first line treatment for MCAS, they're the first medications I actually took *for* it. they are often used in combination with famotidine (aka pepcid) but that made my paranoia super bad so I stopped taking that one.
this was my regimen established before I got covid last july, which made my MCAS much worse, which also made it impossible to get a new doc post-move since I can't physically get to an appt. so this is likely to change once I have medical care again. being sick is a lot of work!
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