#let me hurt you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

topgunruinedme · 1 year

Text

And now I’m saying goodbye

Summary: “I’m not ready” he begs face tilted towards the sky, heavy machinery meeting his ears as the helicopter grew closer. “I’m not ready yet, please”, his voice flattered, arms tightening as his voice cracks, a single tear falling down his cheeks. “We haven’t talked yet”.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47681809

Word Count: 1.7

Relationship: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw & Pete "Maverick" Mitchell

Characters: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, mentions of Nick “Goose” Bradshaw

Additional Tags: Shot down in foreign land, Shot down, reunion, Anger is not a good motivator, Past Character Death, Saving Grace - Freeform, Agony, grief, Very short Greif Fic, Sam corrupted me, I’m going to hurt you all

His heart stopped in his chest as he watched a jet - a very familiar jet - fly out of the smoky remains of the helicopter aiming to kill him, the snow shifted under his foot as he watched in horror as a SAM launched and collided with the jet which had been left defenceless.

Bradley.

He wasn’t sure when he had started running, only that a pulsing hot anger flooded through him as he sprinted across the snowy landscape. Ignoring the sharp pain running through his chest settling on his right side as he twisted to duck under a heavy branch. Snow shifting under his feet almost causing him to trip and fall. Heat radiating off him warming his body despite the freezing climate. He wondered briefly if the snow behind him was melting.

How could he be so reckless? How could he be so stupid?

A faint pain on the side of his head faded into the background as his helmet thudded against his leg as he sprinted in an attempt to get to the man before his jet did. Heart pounding, lungs burning, throat closing.

His body was too old for this shit.

He stumbled into a clearing spotting the man standing up and unclipping himself from his parachute. Groaning and coughing as he stumbled slightly trying to pack away the chute before any enemies caught sight of it.

“Bradley!”

The man’s head shot up, chucking his helmet to the side with a grin. “Mav!” He cried in relief.

How could he be so irresponsible?

He looked so happy to see him, relieved. Dropping his chute and stepping towards him, ignoring the task completely. His shoulder dropped as joy flooded the man’s face. Face twisting slightly in confusion when he failed to stop, continuing to charge towards him.

He crashed into the younger man, hands on his shoulders and he shoved him, hard. Bradley landed heavily in the snow with a wince, staring up at him in shock “what the hell!”. The younger man scrambled to his feet when he continued to follow him.

Barely making it to a standing position before he was pushing him again. Bradley managed to catch himself that time, feet planted safely in the snow as he stared at Mav with a bewildered look.

His teeth grinded as he glared at the man, fire racing through his veins, how dare he take that risk. “What the hell were you thinking!” He snarled. Demanding to know what the hell the man was thinking in order to be this stupid. He refused to lose another Bradshaw.

“You told me not to think!” Bradley cried out in frustration throwing his arms out to the side like he did as a teenager, he waited for the glare to follow with the man’s childish excuse.

“So you thought it was alright to threaten the entire mission? The very being of why we were here to begin with.”

“What” Bradley spluttered, eyes widening as he crossed his arms defensively stepping back as he approached, eyeing him wearily eyes darting across his face, “Mav did you hit your head? Are you alright?”

“Shut up,” he seethed “if it wasn’t for your stupidness, your recklessness ! We wouldn’t have been down here to begin with,”

“Mav” Bradley’s voice wobbled slightly, the boy stepping back looking slightly frightened, hurt plastered across his face. “You don’t mean it, you just have a concussion. It’s fine, we’re fine ”.

“If you have just trusted your team instead of swooping in to be the hero every time there was a threat then you wouldn’t have run out of flairs, you wouldn’t have been defenseless-”

A loud sound of blades cutting through the air met his ears in the distance Bradley sent him a panicked look. “Mav we have to go!”

“-then I wouldn’t have had to save you! If you Bradshaw weren’t so keen on dying, I wouldn’t have to keep babysitting you” he spat unconcerned of the approaching danger. A second chopper, the others would handle it. There’s no way Bradley is stupid enough to come back on his own. He had taught him better than that, they had taught him better than that.

“Mav! Please” Bradley reached out tugging on his flight suit sleeve only causing his anger to rise to a new level. He shrugged the man off with a fierce glare.

“Don't touch me”.

Trapped. Held down. Dragged. Hurt.

“Mav! Come on. We have to get out of here!” Bradley tugged again, eyes darting past his shoulder. Face filled with worry and panic as he attempted to drag him along behind him. “Please Mav” he begged, eyes clouding over with barely suppressed tears, his jaw flexing as he tried to push past the harsh words.

“I said don’t. Touch. Me” he roared, shoving the man back, his sudden aggression seemed to startle Bradley causing the younger man to fall back. Body hitting the snow with a sickening thud, grip on his sleeve loosening and falling limply to his side.

He didn’t get back up.

He rolled his eyes “Oh come on” he scowled “You're not five anymore Bradley, don’t act like it”. He nudged the man's leg with his boot, impatience eating away at his skin, his anger fading slightly at the lack of response, he swallowed thickly when a small line of red dropped down into the snow from under Bradley, the mans face having paled to frightening match the now below him.

The blood pooled around his neck, possibly from his head as it stained the snow. The sight made him freeze. A bloody Bradshaw, silent, still. He could feel the cold water surrounding him, Nick’s heavy weight in his arms as he struggled to keep them afloat. He could almost hear Nick's playful laugh in his ears.

“B-Bradley?” His voice cracked slightly as a cold wave rushed over him, he pushed back the urge to gasp for air as a heavy weight settled in his chest, he felt like he was suffocating. Water flooded his throat down to his chest, relentless as he choked, his hands flexing as if looking for the extra weight of Nick's body. Horror bloomed in his chest as his godson refused to move.

“Bradley, this isn’t funny” he attempted, his scolding falling flat as he stared down at the man. He refused to answer. “This isn’t a joke!” He cried out, dropping to his knees beside the younger man.

The disappointment and pain as what had happened really hit him. God why did he say such horrible things to the kid. His kid . He should have controlled himself better, had more tact. He would have learned, he would have taught him better.

He grunted as he leaned back pulling the man into his lap, his head resting against his chest with his legs on either side of the still man as he pulled him into a sitting position, arms around his waist to hold him up. Trying to ignore the blood sneering against his skin and clothes. His stomach heaving at the much larger pull that had been hidden under the man’s body, blood slighting down his neck, blood smearing across his lips and chin. His skin chilled from the surrounding snow. He hugged the man tighter, he couldn’t let him get cold. Bradley doesn’t like the cold, he could remember all the times he had woken up in the middle of the night to an extra bed mate, the boy preferred to curl into his chest stealing his warmth.

You’re warm uncle Mav! You're safe!

His chest tightened as he tried to push past the similarities of Nick, the mustache, the blood, his neck, laying limp against him, cold.

He swallowed harshly, “Bradley?” His breath hitched as he brushed his hand against the man’s forehead brushing his hair out of his face gently “Baby can you hear me? I need you to say something, anything” he pleaded.

The silence was deafening, head pounding as he blinked trying to focus. The sound of the blades cutting through the air only hurt his head more as he pulled Bradley closer. Trembling fingers brushed against his face, smearing blood as he reached down to the man’s neck waiting for the thudding of the man’s heart. Waiting for the bleeding he had always taken for granted to kiss his fingers. The only thing that could soothe his nightmares, it was an accident- so was Goose. He flexed his fingers, readjusting his grip when he failed to find a pulse. Ignoring the bluing of the man's lips as he bit his cheek, his chest caved in on itself, tugging sharply. A strange feeling of emptiness filled him as he stared at the little boy he had watched grow up.

He almost felt hollow.

It was cold, he argued. Maybe he was in the wrong spot.

Tears formed in his eyes when Bradley stayed silent, the vein under his fingers failed to pulse. The helicopter blades slicing through the air were barely heard under his scream of agony. His cry of grief, of pain, of heartbreak cutting through the air sharply. He held his little boy in his arms tightly, rocking them back and forward with a half choked laugh “Come on baby, don’t do this to me”.

The boy who he had sacrificed everything for, the boy who despite everything followed him. The boy that he had killed.

“Please” his heart was breaking, everything around him seemed so bleak compared to the vibrant blue draining Bradley’s lips, the red cast aside bleeding into the now stealing his life force, the pale skin that resembles porcelain. He certainly felt fragile.

“I’m not ready” he begs face tilted towards the sky, heavy machinery meeting his ears as the helicopter grew closer. “I’m not ready yet, please”, his voice flattered, arms tightening as his voice cracks, a single tear falling down his cheeks. “We haven’t talked yet”.

His body shook with a sob, burrowing his face into Bradley’s neck as he trembled. “We haven’t talked yet” he cried hoarsely, his squeezing shut as he heard the click of a gun.

Pain flooded through his body as he felt his body slump to the side. Fire eating at his skin as his last passing thought hit him, eyes staring blankly at the blood stained snow. His arm reaching out, fingers brushing against Bradley's face. His blank clouded eyes staring at him in a look of shock and pain.

This still hurts less than saying goodbye.

#top gun fanfiction #top gun imagine #top gun fandom #top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell #bradly rooster bradshaw #crash #agnst #whump #let me hurt you #it wont hurt i promise.#i lied #nick goose bradshaw #hehe i aim to break you all #Goose is crying in the afterlife #Mav is absolutely being haunted #main character death #mavdad

15 notes · View notes

inkskinned · 9 months

Text

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

6K notes · View notes

araekni · 15 days

Text

There’s a little girl in my head & she screams “unloved! unloved! unloved!” every moment of my life

— @heavensickness (x)

#art #textile #mine #my art #words #@heavensickness #image described #image description in alt text #topic: grief #theme: anguish #theme: i thought you loved me #theme: of course we will hurt each other #yes i know its wonky. yes i also know there's meant to be three. the embroidery gods only let me do one ://#i am trying to remember that bad art is still art

1K notes · View notes

ro1971 · 1 month

Text

Yo so it’s April 27 you know what that means. Happy Death Day, Jason Todd

#jason todd #dc robin #Why ain’t you in your grave?#the red hood #The Joker has a Deathwish #“I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt“#Bruce I forgive you for not saving me. But why why on God's earth... is he still alive

1K notes · View notes

yourangle-yuordevil · 3 months

Text

Steps required for a Proper Courtship (min. 6000 years) ; a guide by A.Z. Fell: ☑ A Cotillion Ball (already organized) ☐ Secret and passionate kissing in an orangerie (alt- a bookshop)

#good omens comic #Their rituals are so intricate #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #The actual I forgive you scene hurts too much let's just pretend that this is what he meant and call it a day ahah #6000 anni per un semplice bacio a stampo??!?!??! cit. Aziraphale “you go too fast for me Crowely”#(rinomato per voler tutta la porchetta dopo il primo assaggio)

976 notes · View notes

swordheld · 8 months

Text

do the silly thing. if you do not do the silly thing time will pass and it will not be the same silly thing it could have been. it will still be silly, and it will still be yours, but it will not be the same. this is both a blessing and a curse, but so is living; and if you do not do it now when will you? who will? it has to be you, it was always meant for you, waiting for you.

#this is about writing for me but could be about anything (that is not hurtful to urself or others. very important)#that's why it is silly (affectionate) or cringey (affectionate) like u gotta just let yourself go sometimes. you have to do the thing.#even if it is terrible horrible (not what you want) bc at least then it EXISTS. at least it holds space in the universe and it lives outsid #you can let it sit and rot and gather dust but at least then you can go back to it. even if it's horrible there is at LEAST at least -#one kernel of it that you can bring into the next piece. at least one shining pearl of something.#even if it needs work or months in those lil funky rock tumblers for geodes and gemstones and all. even if needs SO much work.#at least it is there!!! and it is yours!!!#it's your call to action if it's something u want w/ all your heart.#or even a piece of it. if it's something you want? well - it's already yours. it always has been.#you just have to take the first step / the first breath / and begin.#scribbles.

2K notes · View notes

ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously · 8 months

Text

They both lost their team and their teacher....

2K notes · View notes

s0fter-sin · 2 months

Text

something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him #but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister #but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him #hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that #so he has to balance it #and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory #if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all #reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders #and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead #only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface #he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity #instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order #and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back #and help him through the after #the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order #it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost #and its his touch that brings him back to the man #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #cod #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod

963 notes · View notes

muffinlance · 3 months

Note

Do you get the impression the live action is treating us like utter morons?? Like I thought that making it aimed at an older audience would open the doors for more subtle story telling, but no, they're just using monologues to tell us eveything! Like in the second episode Katara's like 'oh his power isn't that he's the avatar, it's that he ~connects~ to people'. Girl we're not idiots we can see that!! And the first episode with Aang's goddawful 'I don't want this responsibility' monologue

THIS, YES. The word that keeps coming to mind is definitely "subtlety". The show for literal children? Had it. The remake for adults? Not so much.

#This is literally Storytelling 101: Show Don't Tell #I'm sorry scriptwriters I know you were working before your union won minimal staffing in writers' rooms and decent pay and all that #but You Know What You Did #Also cgi artists plz unionize #A few more hours on Momo would have maybe taken him further out of the nightmare monkey puppet category #I know some people are reporting him as cute #But all I can see is a creature from the Magnus Archives #that thing is the skin of Momo being worn by something that doesn't quite move right underneath #And maybe it is looking for a better fit #Don't let it touch you adorable child actor Aang #avatar the last airbender #atla #natla #Anyone looking to block the live action posts I'll be tagging all of these with that natla tag going forward #But yeah not going to post about it much #I came I saw I deemed it not worth the hours of my life it asked #I can literally write a better Avatar AU than this #Anyway back to Toph beating up Blind Zuko!#*write write write"#(their big budget fanfic can't hurt me it can only introduce more fans to the original)

507 notes · View notes

poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

Photo

best BEAST!!

#fanart #Xuanwu #in case it does not show credits: Thank you to Minilisko #And a huge thank you for letting me post this to The Blog <3 #The best is real! The details and edits are so on point! What a marvelous creature!!!#There is an innocence to the beast...A porcupine dilemma of being unable to be close without hurting others.#The knife is protection and the knife is isolation. Safety over companionship...#It was just sleeping in cave when the cultivator's showed up. It woke up to arrows and swords!#Did it mean to harm anyone or did it just react to the world around it?#(speaking of the actual beast in mdzs now:) There was a tunnel to leave the cave and it stayed.#Do you ever wonder if the beast found it's way inside but grew to big to leave? If it entered to be safe but ended up trapped?#This is all to say: Hey Madam Lan I think I have a new friend for you. She understands your plight.#Forfeit your worries to the turtle. Let the turtle bring you joy

675 notes · View notes

qtboni · 11 months

Text

╰﹒ 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 !

PAIRING: Ooc!Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Reader

OVERVIEW: He lashes out on you + very dismissive over your efforts for him :((

C/W: Angst, no comfort (see p2 for comfort!), mentions of toxic behavior (bcz words), offensive languages, depictions of mental health struggles (anxiety, but js tiny amount). [ fanart credits : ave661 on tumblr ]

W/C: 1.1k bubs

Simon had been going through a lot lately, and you could tell it was taking a toll on him. He had been working overtime at work, and you could see the exhaustion in his eyes every time he came home.

You want to do something special for him, something to lift his spirits up.

The air was charged with anticipation as Simon stepped through the door, making you want to burst out of happiness.

You had been eagerly awaiting his arrival, eager to show him what you'd been working on all day. You had been so excited to do something special for him, and you had gone the extra mile to make this night perfect!

The air, still thick with tension, Simon walked through the hallway. He'd had a long, hard day at work, and the last thing he wanted was to deal with anything else.

Price had been nagging him more than usual on the mission. Simon was tired and just wanted to rest, but Price's constant barrage of questions and commands was starting to get on his nerves.

He tried his best to keep his cool, but he couldn't help feeling a little bit frustrated. Despite his best efforts, he managed to keep his emotions in check and focus on the task at hand.

After the mission was over, Simon was relieved to finally have a moment to himself. He just wanted to rest and have a good night, but there you were, being a nuisance to him.

You could see the weariness in his eyes, as if he were carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He shrugged off your attempts to engage him, not wanting to deal with the small talk.

As Simon dropped his collection of his military wears in the near cabinet, you approached him, your heart still pounding with excitement.

"Simon," you said, your voice trembling and a cheeky smile forming on your lips. "I've been working on a special surprise for you all day. I made your favorite snacks, decorated the living room, and even picked out a movie I know you'll love! I just wanted to make tonight special."

Simon looked up at you, his expression unreadable. "What?" he asked, his tone sharp and exhaustion palpable in his voice.

Despite his attitude, you pushed forward, eager to show him the cozy living room setup you'd created.

"Ta da!" you exclaimed, gesturing to the cozy space. "I wanted to make our movie night extra special tonight, so I went all out."

You'd decorated it with fairy lights, set out the popcorn and drinks, and made sure the couch was nice and toasty with a mountain of blankets.

"I just wanted to do something special for you," you added, your voice light and upbeat.

Simon's expression fell. He looked at the setup as if it were an annoyance, and you felt your feelings going down the drain.

You tried to hide your disappointment though and put on a cheerful smile, but it was hard to hide the hurt in your eyes. "What's wrong?" you asked hesitantly.

Simon shook his head, and for the first time, you saw the signs of his stress and turmoil. His lips were thin, his brow furrowed, and you could tell that he was struggling just to keep it all together.

"I can't take on one more thing right now," he said, his voice rising with frustration. "I'm exhausted. I can't deal with this right now."

You felt a lump form in your throat as you realized the full extent of your mistake.

"I..."

Your heart sank.

You couldn't believe you hadn't realized how tired he looked, how haggard and stressed. You had been so caught up in your excitement that you had missed the signs, the signals that he couldn't take on any more.

You had been so eager to do something nice for him, and in doing so, you had only added to his burden.

A tense silence fell over the room, and you could feel the tension rising between you. You wanted to comfort him, to make things right, but you didn't know how.

"I'm sorry," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

As you stood there in silence, your heart racing and tears swimming in your eyes, he finally spoke.

"Well, don't," he snapped, his irritation evident in his tone. "I can take care of myself. And I didn't ask for any of these."

You watch as he points to the decorated living room. Your efforts. Your hopes of having a good night of movies with him.

You felt the tears spill over and course down your cheeks.

"I didn't mean to make things worse for you," you said, your voice trembling. "I just wanted to do something nice for you, to lift your spirits. I didn't realize..."

Simon sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I appreciate the effort, really I do. It's just..." He trailed off, searching for the right words. "Can you just stop being a bother? I can't take on anything else right now. I'm already stretched so thin, and I can't..."

You felt your chest tighten at his words.

You had always known that Simon was a hard worker, but you had never truly appreciated the toll it took on him. You had always been there to support him, to lift him up when he was feeling low, and you had always assumed that he would do the same for you.

At that moment, you realized that you had been asking too much of him. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes and the slump of his shoulders.

The realization hit you like a punch to the gut.

Your voice barely above a whisper, you managed to say, "I... I understand. I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

You could feel the hurt in your chest, like a physical pain that made it hard to breathe.

“Stop being a bother.”

The tears were already falling down your face, and your heart ached with the weight of your mistakes. It was just a reminder of how much you loved him and how desperately you wanted to be with him.

Simon didn't utter another word, just nodded his head, but his silence spoke volumes. An oppressive and heavy sense of unease permeated the air, leaving no doubt that there was nothing else to be said.

You stood there, feeling numb and defeated as you watched him leave to the bedroom.

You had learned a difficult lesson that night, and one that you would never forget. The road to happiness was not always smooth, and sometimes, even the people we love the most can hurt us without meaning to.

Tears filled your eyes over and over again as you realized how much your effort was taken for granted.

In that moment, you didn't understand why he was being so cruel to you, especially when you had put so much thought into making him happy.

All you wanted was to see Simon smile.

A/N: okay.. well.. he was an ass.. HELP simon pookie why would u do this to us? :(( we even made you popcorns and and even bought you your favorite drinks :(( we had to even ask ur best bud soap what kind of movies you like :(( we did so much for you :(( but it's okay ig. . . as long as you can have your rest. . . and well. . . goodnight :((

lmk if you guys need a part 2 cuz i be crying in my sleep

EDIT! part 2 is posted !!

1K notes · View notes

suiheisen · 6 months

Text

most valuable puppy

bonus:

#you: how many gifs of shohei with a puppy do you need #me: yes #TWO HAPPY PUPPIES #the puppy kisses are hurting me ;______;#shohei ohtani #los angeles angels #actually wait. he’s a free agent now isn’t he…. please let him go to a team that can take him to the playoffs #baseball #mlb

838 notes · View notes

kenm4vhs · 5 months

Text

HE GREW UP SO FAST LOOK AT HIM !!! 😭

472 notes · View notes

essektheylyss · 15 days

Text

One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.

(Buckle in. This is a long one.)

In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.

As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.

Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.

This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.

I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.

But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.

So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.

But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.

But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.

It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.

He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)

So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.

But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.

(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)

#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT #truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers #critical role #essek thelyss #cr meta #I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic #with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth #and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice #augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it

341 notes · View notes