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#idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much
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They both lost their team and their teacher....
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followerofmercy · 13 days
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I think Freminet has some of the most interesting dissonance in his self perception of any Genshin character.
Like, of the Hearthlings we know, he's one of the most emotionally mature and intelligent. Lynette might still have him beat, but after playing her hangout... I dunno. I think they're tied. Lyney is Crumbling, Alrecchino is. Well. Arlecchino. Everyone else is a deeply traumatized child or adult and Freminet seems to pretty regularly be people's emotional support. His character stories talk about getting his vision by saving a bunch of other kids on a dive that went bad. The Selkie event literally had him being a therapist for a grownass woman, citing his past experiences with all the other Hearthlings that have died or killed themselves. And he handled that situation WELL. Yeah, he seems to live in a fantasy, but goddamn he's alive and a lot of people in his position aren't so clearly something is working.
Either his or Lyney's character story talks about the time Freminet had reached out to Lyney to try to ease his burdens, which resulted in Lyney blowing up at him. That probably contributed to Freminet thinking he's not good at it, but I think the reason Lyney reacted so badly was BECAUSE Freminet is actually a good support. He can't allow himself that from the little brother he's supposed to protect.
Freminet seems to both cry and dissociate often, but like... Kiddo you are in fact the only person in this family actually processing your emotions. Lynette dissociates 24/7. Arlecchino. Lyney lies and tells everyone he's fine and would literally rather die than admit otherwise. In comparison, Freminet is doing FANTASTIC
Freminet also gets a lot out of helping people! Like anyone, he needs to feel useful and needed. He seems to be an excellent mentor to the younger Hearthlings and perfectly competent on his own, but when you put him in a room with Lyney and Lynette who baby him and insist that THEY take care of HIM, he withdraws into himself.
Like, Freminet by himself feels like a young man and Freminet with the magician twins feels like a teenager. I have no idea how old he actually is. Logically, he would be OLDER than them! He's been with the House much, much longer and his experience shows. I think it's fascinating that they love him SO MUCH and yet, they just Cannot let him help them. Which is hurting him.
(Lynette is much better about not babying him and that is probably why their relationship is so much better than Freminet and Lyney's. Also why she keeps having to mediate between them. Because Lyney charges off trying to Fix Everything and that just makes Freminet feel useless and he doesn't want to get in the way and- you get the point)
Idk. It's hard to tell what things the previous director said to him vs what Arlecchino has said to him. I'm inclined to think our Arlecchino was the one that said he cries too much, but in a "crying in front of your enemies will get you killed" way and she herself is too fucked up to realize how "you cry too much" could be damaging.
Also I try not to consider gameplay stuff when it comes to story, but Freminet also has some of the most BRUTAL animations. He SMASHES HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT METAL PENGUIN INTO HIS ENEMY'S FACE. He doesn't think he's the most amazing fighter, and by Fatui standards he probably isn't, but he is winning fights against most grown men.
Tldr Freminet thinks he cries too much and is a burden and isn't good at helping people when he's actually the most mentally stable Hearthling send tweet
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dairy-farmer · 11 months
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There's this DamiTim fic called, "That Unwanted Animal". And it's literally so good. Basically They were all a little older when Bruce died. Damian, iirc, was sixteen.
Dami was so horny for Tim. So possessive too. It was delicious. I really want underage or younger Damian grooming older Tim
Imagine Dick finding out about their relationship. Idk if their dynamics would have been the same in this AU since Damian and Dick had gotten closer in canon during his time as Batman. What if Dick thought Tim had groomed their baby brother? Damian would've been offended if it weren't helping him isolate Tim further, making sure that Tim is his all alone.
By the time someone manages to talk sense or prove Dick wrong, he's too late. Tim doesn't trust him anymore. He's even more attached to Damian, always clinging to him, always looking to him on what to do next. Dick screams at Damian that he broke Tim and that he doesn't trust that his obsession would even last since he snuffed out the fire that was Tim's independence and brain. But Damian have already accounted for that. He doesn't really care for Tim's independence. And he won't let his mind dull. After all, they make so much enemies, his mind would be his ultimate weapon against them in the event that Damian can't reach him in time to protect him.
And it's all Dick's fault really. If he only investigated more. If he only hadn't let his emotions get the best of him. His outburst about Tim and Damian's relationship had reached the other vigilantes. His beloved has been shunned and turned away by those blind fools. But they have made their relationship closer and stronger. He'll be sure to thank Dick and send him an invitation to their wedding
-🦆
i just read it!!!!!! it was so good!!!!!!! i love fics where tim's struggle is the idea that HE will be perceived as the aggressor even when he's the victim!!! one of my favorite fics where this happens is this fic by weirdalterego
i think that damian and tim's relationship and dynamic is very unique and different from that other batcest ones because in the age gap- TIM is the one who is older, the adult, the "mature" one which inherently shifts the power dynamic in his favor and in basically every other scenario that would be the case. but because DAMIAN is the younger person he absolutely holds a lot of sway and power as well as the ability to completely flip the power dynamics because of just how much bullheadedness and audacity he has. in their dynamic, damian is often the aggressor with tim. he's the one who attacks, and tries to hurt tim and tim is the one forced to defend or backed into a corner until he fights back. i think that in general their realtionship and one in which damian is pursuing tim is almost so unbelievable it doesn't even register as taboo because people's default assumption will be that TIM was the one doing something wrong, tim was the one grooming damian, taking advantage of damian.
tim being hit with the realization that not only do his friends and family not believe him about what's going on- they think HE'S the predator and not the victim. i truly think that tim, in a delicate and unstable state, would absolutely be rendered emotionally broken by it. and damian who has been trying to make him pliable and obedient would be there to comfort him, stroke his hair, tell him 'there there' while tim trembles like a frightened puppy and sobs while clinging to damian- the only person who cares about him. especially after dick tears into tim, launching horrible accusations that just make tim cry.
even worse is that dick is a venter. he vents to friends and dick has many friends and those friends talk and it's why tim had found no support from the community when he went looking for bruce. bruce and clark and so many leaguers are off-planet. maybe if they weren't they could've stopped dick...told him to think about what he was saying, if he REALLY thought tim was capable of such things. even jason, when he returns to gotham after a long-term undercover op, expresses immediate distrust in dick's conclusion.
jason knows predators, he knows pedophiles, he knows how they work, how they think, how they lay traps, how they lure. predators that prey on kids prey on them because they're young, small, and vulnerable. they rely on their inexperience and the fact that they don't know better or are in shitty home situations so no one is around to protect them. jason stresses to dick that predators and pedophiles follow their dicks and their desires, they're too fucking stupid to actually outsmart anyone or be discreet about what they want. if someone like tim was a predator they would never fucking know it.
but that's not what pushes the realization onto dick. it's kori. while dick is blasting tim's name over a call, kori's smile fades and grows thin lipped and grim. she comes to dick one night. flies to his apartment and asks to talk. she doesn't say that dick's an idiot but she asks what led dick to this conclusion. why he believed all these terrible things about tim. dick shows her the videos, the photos, he tells her what he saw when he walked in on tim riding damian on a rooftop while rain drenched both their bodies.
dick realizes that this hatred festering in his stomach is not something he's ever felt for tim. kori guides him through it. helps him see. how tim's face in the photos is always creased in reluctance, distress, and panic. how damian keeps asking tim, keeps touching him, keeps cornering tim until tim agrees to sex.
dick goes into tim's files and personal messages and sees unkind words and messages, hears how 'red robin' has been blacklisted from other cities outside gotham and, with dawning horror, realizes what he's done.
dick had never really healed from...from that night...on the roof...in the rain with tarantula over him. and then....he'd seen damian.
arching up and moaning trying to keep his cock in tim's cunt as his hips gyrated and slammed down...and all he'd seen was himself...younger and upset and disoriented and begging for it to stop.
dick almost throws up as he stares down at the messages. at the pictures and video.
bruce returns to a devastated dick and horrible accusations being thrown around about tim.
by the time they managed to quell rumors they realize damian and tim haven't been living in the manor for awhile. despite the fact that he always eats his meals at the manor, damian is almost always spending time at tim's apartment. bruce and burst in while tim is burying his face into a couch cushion, damian's fingers tangled in his hair and pulling tim's head up to stare at the laptop playing porn. damian is fucking tim roughly and not stopping even when bruce and dick arrive.
he refuses to stop even when bruce roughly orders him to. dick tries to get close to tim but tim just sniffles and retreats into damian's arms who strokes his back and soothes him while staring at both batman and nightwing with victory in his eyes.
dick blames himself for chasing tim into...into...damian's arms. he doesn't want to think or believe that damian was ever truly capable of such things but...hadn't he had no problem believing them of tim?
dick and bruce are thinking of ways to unfuck dick's massive screw up when...when an invitation comes in the mail. damian has freshly turned 18. which means its legal for him to get married.
which is what is happening. bruce gets stone-faced and is already thinking of how they can put a stop to all of this when more news reaches them.
tim is pregnant.
at least a few months already which is shocking to hear because they hadn't seen evidence of it when they'd last seen tim. but it's true. the pictures of a little blob in tim's womb are in his medical records courtesy of leslie who has known for months about what damian was doing but bound by confidentiality and tim's own close-lipped confessions.
dick stares at the pictures and invitations with numbness flooding his body and can't help but feel like this was all his fault.
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riotlain · 1 year
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Hello!! This is my first ever request so sorry if it’s a bit weird or to doesn’t make sense, could u do little headcannons of negan, glenn, rick, and carl dating a trans ftm reader? Tysm!!
this aint weird at all😭😭😭
anywho these guys along with owen
keep in mind. Im not ftm😭😭
THIS IS A NWLNW BLOG!! WOMEN DNI
Rick Grimes
He was an Atlanta cop. Give him a bit to be more open minded ok
Once he understands he will be fine with it
Will help you shave if youre one T
If you aren't then he'll help with periods, dysphoria, ect
His clothes might be big on you. Goes on runs with you to find clothes and stuff
Literally hes trying but hes ass at it but its funny ngl💀💀
"Gonna go on a run ask Y/n what him wants"
If you have a binder then he makes sure to watch over you especially in the HOT AS BALLS SUMMER
Glenn Rhee
Since he's one of the younger adults here he's probably one of the best people to come out to ngl
Like he probably will end up. Questioning his sexuality a bit
But other than that he understands and is very supportive!!
Please dont overwork yourself in a binder if you have one
He will go on runs with you to get new clothes. Or give you his.
He cant cut hair. He cant just not him💀💀
He'll ask someone else in the group tho
Will shave your face for you if youre on T
Carl Grimes
Supporter (doesn't know what being trans means)
Like just explain and he'll be like "Ooohhh alright"
He's probably trans idk
Take his clothes sure!!
He'll get Jessie or Maggie to cut your hair if you want
If yall manage to acquire a binder somehow then he makes sure you dont overwork yourself
like istg if you end up hurting yourself he'll die
Doesnt understand dysphoria. Mainly because he never like. Thought about gender at all since its the apocalypse
So like seeing you struggle with this he's just like. There.
HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO VERBALLY COMFORT PEOPLE OK
"How do you feel??" "Lowkey wanna throw my organs into a highway" "Ok?"
If anyone purposely misgenders you he'll literally start a fight (or you can depending on who you are)
Negan
He does not give a shit man is inlove with you💀💀
Hes like trying. If youre like pre transition just realizing he will be like "Her pronouns are he/him"
If you been using he/him it wont change toooo much
But this for you pre trans fellars ig
He is going to acquire T for you dont matter who he gotta fight for it
Has someone cut your hair for you
Struggling with your period?? Punch him in the gut and he'll hunch over next to you so yall got the sameish pain
You and him or you and simon go out to find new clothes
You wanna dress like a badass?? Heres a leather jacket like his
Wanna dress feminine still? Here have a nice dress he stole from Alexandria
Owen
He cares he does. Hes just horrible at showing
"Owen I'm trans" "Ok 😐"
He doesnt give a fuck what you do unless it's actively involves him
Like yea bro will use the right pronouns but still
Will try to help cut your hair but ends up just having someone else in the group doing it for you. Much to his dismay (he hates other ppl touching you)
Or grow it out if you want yall can match
Stealing shit from mfs he kills. Hes just like that
Kills anyone who says shit
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she-said-hello · 8 months
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Honest question. Do you not feel a little weird engaging with Emma knowing she’s 18 (legal yes) but still have a year left in HS (assuming from her asks responses) and that you’re 24? I know we all have different perspectives but I’m 20 and I honestly can’t imagine myself talking or nevertheless be in a relationship with someone younger than me, let alone someone that’s still in HS 😬 I hope you’re not taking advantage… I’ve seen and read so many wlw relationships that have experiences like that and it’s heartbreaking… it’s about the maturity level too so idk
i've answered asks like this multiple times and it's been really difficult every time. seeing people explicitly accuse me of taking advantage of someone who i care so deeply about and who i have made sure to always treat fairly and as an equal to me is so disappointing. emma is an adult and capable of making decisions for herself. i can guarantee if she felt as if i were mistreating her or taking advantage of her, she wouldn't still be talking to me. i have never forced her or manipulated her into doing anything, she has made all of her own decisions and judgments about me on her own.
if you had asked me before i met emma if i would prefer/choose to be romantically involved with someone 6 years younger than me, i would have told you no. but i've found lately that i don't feel like age means shit anymore. i have been hurt tremendously by extremely immature adults in my life. i have friends in their late 20's-30's who still act like children and have never dealt with any hardships in their lives whatsoever. i know people my age who i can't even slightly relate with because they don't have any similar experiences and their outlook on life is so different from mine. age has had nothing to do with how much i have connected with people in the past. emma isn't some little kid with no life experience and no thought processes of her own. and i don't see her for her age but for her experiences, personality, heart, wisdom, etc.
it wasn't until a few days ago that i found out that she is still in school, it's something that was kept from me but that we're working through. however, it doesn't change the way i feel about her as a person or her maturity level or anything like that. but i also don't feel it's fair to say i'm weird for "engaging with a high schooler" when i had been under the impression that she was out of school since 16. regardless, it doesn't matter. the fact that she had some setbacks in her childhood that led to her still being in school is not a negative to me. i'm very proud of her for continuing her education despite all she has been through. she is very strong and incredibly smart and determined and i admire her for that. if that makes me a "creep" then okay, but i am not taking advantage of her. i never have and never will.
i guess this is what i get for putting myself and my relationships online for people to judge, but man, the judgement never hurts any less no matter how many times i receive it. people are entitled to their own opinions but you also have to realize you never know the full story and it's hard to have a fully educated opinion when all you see is surface level stuff that we have allowed the internet to be a part of. there is so much more that will only ever stay between emma and i because we are the only two people who genuinely matter in this situation. but i think i'm realizing i can't handle putting myself out there like i initially thought i could. maybe this isn't the place for me to express myself anymore.
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sarcastic-kaz · 1 year
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akaza’s backstory
heyo so i decided to do live notes on me reading this guys backstory. my mom says she literally cried when she read a year before me, and that its really sad so i wanted to keep my live reactions bcs this isnt my first time screaming at the plot twists in demon slayer. i start the live notes in the beginnings of chapter 154 and im also reading the manga in japanese so i might have mistranslated/misunderstood some things lol
SPOILERS BELOW THIS IS YOUR WARNING
initial thoughts on akaza: idk hes pretty fruity like the mugen train arc “oni ni nare, kyoujurou” in japanese was omg just. so fucking fruity. and he said the same freaking thing to giyuu omgs- also he hates douma and wants to kill kokushibo but idk what to really feel about him. anyways ive seen the little hints at the girl holding his hand and he tried to punch it, and his head grew back bc he said he had to get stronger???
live notes start here (just jot notes):
- damn she pulling out the existential crisis on akaza
- oh his dads sick boo hoo
- woah wait is he a pickpocket?
- oh my fucking wait is that why he looks like a basketball???
- holy shit is this where he becomes a basketball?
- like every time he gets caught stealing he gets a mark as punishment
- damn how many times did u get caught bruh
- welp idk how hed steal without his hands
- oof he just got called a demon child well hes a demon moon now
- oh wait my mom specified for me it means a kid who was born with teeth
- HOLY SHIT NAME DROP DUDE THATS A NICE NAME
- OMG HIS DAD KILLED HIMSELF JUST LIKE ZENITSUS TEACHER
- dude this suicide letter like ‘i cant take medicine bought by stolen money sorry for making myself a bother for you live a good life’
- oh hes mourning by hurting himself fighting people
- “even if it took 100 years for my dad to heal” and he kept half of that promise
- damn akazas backstory is just him getting beat up by everyone he meets
- and hes just like taking the beatings bc he wanted his dad to get medicine
- well fuck medicine for special diseases does cost a lot poor akaza
- and his dad just killed himself anyway
- still dont know who the girl is
- damn i wouldnt be able to stand getting whipped and bones broken for my parents
- huh he beat the living shit out of seven adults
- and he didnt get a scratch and hes also a kid
- who tf is that guy it seems akaza also has the same question
- oh is this guy who applauded akaza some sort of sensei i mean he has a dojo
- why does akazas personality sort of remind me of inosukes ‘fight me bitch’ type thing
- oh shit theyre gonna fight
- that wasnt so much of a fight than a man slapping a kid silly
- nother name drop keizou
- OOF AKAZAS FACE LOL
- oh akaza is gonna take care of a girl?
- HOLY SHIT ITS THAT GIRL I THINK WAIT HER NAME IS KOYUKI
- I SMELL BUDDING TEEN ROMANCE HERE JUST SAYING
- OMG ITS SO AWKWARD AND CUTE
- and akaza has someone to take care of again!
- aww cute moment between them
- also fireworks! yay! hes saying he can piggyback ride her there that so sweet
- oh shit shes crying
- oh thats so cute that their only purposes are to protect those they love
- omgs and akaza on his little training arc with keizou like how tanjirou did with urokodaki and both are taking care of a younger girl who is bedridden- the parallels
- holy shit three year time skip
- oh ok koyuki is better now
- OMG THEY DO LIKE EACH OTHER AAAAAAAAA THEYRE SO SWEET AND SHES SO NERVOUS AND HES SO NERVOUS
- OH HES GONNA SAY YES TO THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
- HES GONNA FOLLOW HIS DADS SUICIDE NOTE AND LIVE A GOOD LIFE
- HE EVEN VISITED THE GRAVE HELP
- WAIT SHIT NO HES A DEMON SOMETHING GOES WRONG
- NONONONONO WAIT SHIT I WAS ACTUALLY SORT OF STARTING TO LIKE THESE TWO 
- OMG HES ADMITTING THAT THEYRE HIS TWO FAVOURITE PEOPLE
- wait whats this abt poison
- WAIT WHAT POISON
- THIS IS TURNING VERY FAST WHAT THE FUCK
- WHAT THEY WERE BOTH POISONED AND FUCKING DIED WHAT
- BECAUSE OF THE FREAKING DOJO WTFFFFFF
- I- I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS
- ok were back and ready to react
- wait what promise
- CALLBACK TO THE FIREWORKS
- ohh shes saying she wants to watch the fireworks with akaza next year and the year after too... oh shit she died.
- damn so both their parents killed themselves bc of their kids
- ohhh this is so sweet but sad knowing she just died
- AND HE PROMISED TO PROTECT HER BUT OH NOOOOOO
- OH SHIT HES KILLING THEM ALL WITH HIS BARE HANDS
- DAMN THATS BRUTAL AND TWISTED OF AKAZA
- BUT DAMN THIS IS HIS WAY OF MOURNING HOLY FUCK
- EVERY SINGLE STUDENT OF THE RIVAL DOJO?!?!?!?!!??!
- HOLY SHIT ITS MUZAN JACKSON
- DO THE MOONWALK PLS
- OH SHIT THIS IS WHEN MUZAN WAS THINKING ABOUT MAKING THE TWELVE KIZUKI
- OH SHIT AKAZA RLY SAID MOVE BITCH TO MUZAN
- HE PUNCHED AKAZA I REPEAT HE PUNCHED THROUGH AKAZAS SKULL
- i feel like this is sad because it wasnt even muzans fault that the two of them died it was just poison
- he even admits it out loud himself that his own story is sad help
- hes even completely ok with the fact he wont go to the same place as the three most important people in the world to him
- and giyuu is just standing there
- lmao tanjiro is just always yelling for demons to stop
- wait what tanjiro ur sword-???
- oh shit it slipped from his grip
- sorry i snorted at the fact that tanjiro decked akaza in the face instead
- i think im gonna stop there the backstory is over
- i feel horribly empty inside after finishing that chapter
- think i might just go cry
current thoughts on akaza: damn i understand why ppl are so sad about this, holy shit this is so sad like i have no words im probably gonna have to come back to this post tomorrow to give my thoughts after thinking about this all night
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runthepockets · 3 months
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I swear to god I don't mean any of this in your standard anti sjw "everything is woke now" way, but man. This generation got kinda screwed big time.
Look. I think it's great that men / white / cis / straight / neurotypical / etc people are more cautious and inclusive of the things they say and do. It's a great starting point. I love that I can see H09909 and Slipknot tour together with little to no flack, I love that there are heavy bands that can start a set with "look out for the trans folks in the pit", when I was a janitor seeing trans flags in classrooms and hearing teachers tell their kids not to say mean things to other kids cus it could fuck them up for life nearly brought them to tears. We didn't have a lot of this stuff back in my day and I'm really grateful that young people are getting it now. In fact, a lot of it was unthinkable.
However. I notice a lot of people my age and a little younger are a lot more afraid to make mistakes or speak their minds or, fuck even ask for clarification on certain things more than I ever was as a little dude. I mean, a lot of kids can't even leave the house without a fuckin tracker in their phone now. I notice a lot of my friends overexplaining things out of fear that I'm gonna judge them or something, and a lot of people are just plain fake altogether, cus I guess that's better than getting called out for "being bad", or something?
When I was a kid we used to get drunk off mouthwash and kick each others asses for fun. We used to ride our bikes in areas that we weren't supposed to. I fucked up my hair and set my mom off once cus I was way more concerned with playing with my friends than caring what others thought of me. I had a lot of people say and do pretty shitty and fucked up things to me, and I've definitely done a lot of shitty and fucked up things to others.
But that's kinda just life, ykno? I have no ill will against those people today, and if I could take a lot of my bullshit back I would, but it is what it is and I can't change any of it. Imo making mistakes and being ignorant and saying the wrong thing isn't the end of the world, it's all essential to being human, and I feel we're doing ourselves a grave injustice by denying all that. I would much rather my kid get a scraped knee from climbing a tree than to wear a fuckin bubble boy suit everywhere. I'd only give my kid a phone so they could call me if they were lost or scared or hurt, not to call them every second of every day and fucking hound them about bullshit. Kids need room to be kids, and fuck, even adults need room to be adults. Mistakes aren't the end of the world. But I feel like we're not even giving ourselves that much of a courtesy. Idk man it just sucks.
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midgardian-witch · 1 year
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Quick warning at the start here because this is going to get a little personal and there will be some vague trauma/mental health talk (potential tw are tagged)
I wanna talk about Marc.
I really didn't like him when I first watched Moon Knight. When he was first 'introduced' so to say.
I think maybe people aren't supposed to like him at the start. Of course once you get into his backstory, the trauma and everything it gets easy to sympathize with him but when we first meet Marc?
God I thought he was such a jerk.
It grated on my nerves that this adult man couldn't fucking communicate with the people in his life that he loved. That he refused to tell Steven what was going on until he was forced to do so. That he just left Layla with divorce papers he didn't even have the balls to sign himself.
All for their 'protection'.
I had such a visceral reaction to his behavior that I haven't had to the actions of a fictional character in a long time.
Why wouldn't he just tell them? Why wouldn't he open up? Why was he so defensive? Why doesn't he let people help? Why doesn't he-
Now wait a minute.
I knew there was trauma. I know living with trauma and mental illness and fucking life sucks. Why did Marc make me feel so bad when every other character, every other person, didn't?
And then it hit me.
Because I do the same.
I am neurodivergent and I certainly didn't like myself a lot of the time growing up.
I had to deal with a lot of shit when I was younger. Childhood could have been a fuckton worse but it wasn't a joyride either. So how did I deal with that at a very young age?
I didn't.
Duh.
The way I coped with my issues was taking care of other people's issues. Because if I worry about other people I don't have to worry about myself.
Makes sense right?
So I didn't tell people my problems because on the very few times I did I got shut down.
'Everyone feels that way.'
'It'll be better. Just think positively.'
'Other people have it worse.'
So I just stopped talking to people about my issues and focused on their issues.
Which worked for a while. And then it didn't. It started to knaw on me. I got defensive. I got down right mean sometimes.
I was not always a fun person to be around. (I still doubt I am now tbh)
I realized in my late teens/early twenties that that is not the way to cope. So I worked on that. I found people that actually cared and that I could talk to. I learned to even fucking like myself (most of the time).
Enter Marc Spector.
And once it clicked I saw the parallels only adding up more and more. He was this stark reminder of all my past issues, those I figured out how to handle and those I didn't (yet).
And it fucking hurt.
I have seen a lot of people talk about how Steven helped them love themselves. People with autism for example that saw themselves represented. People that saw themselves in him and seeing other people love Steven made them realized that they too can be and are loved.
And I do too! Steven was my immediate favorite. I loved that he was passionate about his special interests, I loved how much he cared and just how sweet he was in general.
But Marc hit me like a fucking train.
Marc doesn't know how to really ask for help. In his mind he needs to take all the issues and burden on himself. He cares so much for Layla and for Steven and wants to help and protect them more than he does for himself.
And fuck did I feel seen. Uncomfortably so.
I love Marc and I love Steven. First of all because they are just great characters but also because of what they represent.
They show that when you are struggling and feeling helpless that even if you don't feel like it: you deserve to be loved. Even when shit gets ugly.
I really don't know how to end this tbh. This is more rambling and trauma dumping than anything else but.
I suppose I just needed to get this off of my chest like a year after the show aired.
And idk maybe people can relate to that too.
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ravenkinnie · 9 months
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can i just say how much i adore jinx/powder's complicated relationship with violence?? bcs before powder did not enjoy violence. she fears violence. maybe even hated it, because it reminded her of when she walked through the aftermath of war with vi, of her dead mother's lifeless face. she gets into a helpless, immobilizing panic attack at the presence of violence. but she grew up in an environment that conditioned her into thinking that thriving in violence is something she should want for herself and if she doesnt change then she'll be left behind.
i know jinx is known for her destruction and her penchant for violence but where she began before she changed is what has my heart aching for her so much. how did she change from that helpless girl to the woman she is now? whatever the hell were all the things she was willing to go through for silco to disensitize herself for this evolution? idk i just love how much this says how desperate she is to be relevant and how violence in the end has become her asset like she loves violence she loves that she shines at what she was helpless at once before but even more she craves the validation that comes with violence and when she doesnt receive that validation its pure (self-delusioned) betrayal to her and she'll turn that violence against you and then force/manipulate the validation out of you, whatever it takes (not excluding kidnapping, manhandling, a body count, u get it). like its horrifying and heartbreaking what something so simple as desire for acknowledgement and acceptance can do to people and how it changes them.
(yes ofc there's more factors in play but i wanted to talk ab the internal stuff going on within the person herself which to me is one of the most interesting part)
I don't think powder hated violence tbh I think she was just scared to have that violence inflicted on her but like building bombs with nails and shit is finding joy in violence to me shndjd the difference is that fear of being hurt, maybe of having that violence directed at her because she's weak and small and aware that she could not win in a situation like that (which also makes sense why she makes weapons rather than fight with her fists like vi)
but the penchant for violence seems fairly inherent in jinx which I LOVE, this sort of interest and lack of care for inflicting it - its something that I think if she grew up with vi or vander would be nurtured completely different than her growing up with silco, as a means of survival more than a tactic to gain an upper hand, the genuine joy in it would probably be discouraged - vi is shocked and somewhat horrified to me when she sees jinx fighting against firelights but specifically rught before her reaction we see not jinxs capability but her evil joyous little face like when I say jinx fucking loves violence i mean jinx fucking lives violence the way charlie sheen lives cocaine or azaelia banks loves fighting people on the internet. when she's younger, when she's powder, she's also more likely to inflict it on herself like when she has a tantrum and hits herself on the head but jinx as an adult doesn't really do anything to herself as much as now she externalizes it by hurting people and is just careless with her own safety
I like the part of jinxs diary where she says about silco "he's like me" - silco doesnt get violent himself either, like he very much uses other people as his weapons to carry out and take on the violence he considers necessary. I think in a twisted way this would be admirable and aspirational for jinx, something to live up to with her weapons, her bombs and her guns, things she can use the way silco uses other people
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zerobaseonefics · 1 year
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tw: rape, attempt and idk what else??
so basically my depression worsened and i had an attempt on wednesday, this week. school is too much already and it barely started, my whole family is a problem and my friends(?) are making jokes about me which i find somehow funny but it also hurts me
my family is talking about how my breasts grow so fast and how they are bigger than most of the women in my family and even men are saying this which makes me uncomfortable… my parents also keep telling me if i keep misbehaving (sleeping when its daytime) i will be sent to my family in vietnam (im not that close with them because theyre pretty much aggressive and i’m bad at speaking vietnamese, they can’t speak polish, so it’s hard to communicate)
the jokes my friends(?) make are about how a guy almost raped me but i managed to push him off of me.. the jokes are like “omg youre like literally our hulk” etc. // i do find the jokes funny sometimes but then i think about the time it happened and i feel grossed out by myself and feel like crying
also all the panic attacks i had in the recent weeks are all too much.. and it’s too much pressure thinking about everything at once, i just can’t sort it out in my head
even tho my problems may not be that serious, i still can’t handle them anymore. thank you for “listening”to me, i’m really thankful for you<33
~🤍
first of all, i know it's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, and that's why i want to remind you that you should never make a hierarchy of problems. your problems ARE serious, and you should not delegitimize them like that. your feelings are valid no matter what your issue is, if it makes you feel that way then there is a reason and it's your right to be hurt.
i'm genuinely pissed off hearing about the comments on your body from your family 💀 as i hit puberty very young, i also had that problem of adults making inappropriate remarks on it, and i know how it hurts and can mess with your self esteem and the way you feel in your body. avoid the people who make this kind of comments as much as you can. depending on the links you have with your family, try and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. tell the women in your family especially that it's even worse when it's men and hopefully they will stand up for you if they ever tell you something about it in front of them. this is so annoying why do they care about your body like that 💀
about your friends and their jokes!! even if it can make you laugh sometimes, it's better to tell them straight that you don't like it. if you let them get away with it for too long, they might not understand why you're against it when you used to laught about it. maybe they don't mean any harm, but if they're actual good friends they'll respect you and stop with these jokes. if they are not, i guarantee you that you'll be better off without them. you're very strong, okay? what happened to you when you got assaulted is in no way your fault and it is not taking away your value. don't forget i call you pure >:(
as for the panick attacks, do you have any methods to calm them down?? as someone who suffers from it as well, i had a time when i was younger where they were very frequent. i have less now because i found some methods that help me calm down easier. if you can, press your back against something cold, a wall for example. if you're not alone, try to put your hand on a friend's chest to feel the way they are breathing and try to match your breathing with their. also, i have a friend who put their face in a huge bowl of water. try these next time you have a panick attack, and if doesn't work, look for other ones! there is surely one that will work for you.
i assume you're much younger than me so i will treat you as a little sibling and talk to you according to my experiences as someone who went through similar things as you. if you ever wanna talk about anything, i will always take my time to answer to you and try to give you advices. take care of you, you're valuable, and you should never hurt yourself <3 better days are surely waiting for you in the future, and it would be a shame to miss them, right?
please come back to me at least once a week so i can make sure you're doing good >:( take care, pure 🩶
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bonesandthebees · 2 years
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Aight, I’m past the hardest exams, so now I have some energy to come screaming. The flashback/dream. Tiny Nikki meeting tiny Wilbur. Who thought that was a good idea? Like I get that the intention is that the kids will trust her more than an adult. But as present Nikki said, she spent most of her life on Eldingvegr and her loyalty lies with Tommy and Wilbur. Which is logical because they literally grew up together. The Themisians never even stood a chance.
Also, baby Tommy. Eret holding baby Tommy and scolding tiny Wilbur like a parent might do. They really just watch them grow up and basically parented them. As far as they had time to cuz the boys were left alone a lot growing up. And they still betrayed them because they wanted to keep the throne. (probably because they thought Tommy wouldn’t be capable, which now that I think about it, they did kinda try to check if Wilbur thought Tommy was capable and definitely asked his tutors before going through with it. Which hurt even more because it was a vote of no confidence in a 15-year-old)
Then we get to the AE. Jack is hilarious, I love him. Also, some more Tommy being oblivious to how much shit Wilbur gets for being a bastard and how much it hurts him. AE have diplomats from different planets that permanently stay there? Cool. The way the entire Empire works is kinda cool. Though it’s still an empire and once it starts to fall that economic control is really gonna screw some planets. Also Aimsey! Flosium is such a cool name btw. And they are plant people that use photosynthesis to eat! I love scientific worldbuilding. Ranboo being an apprentice covered in gold to really mark his status. I wonder how he got into that position.
Lastly, the negotiating. Swear counter: 4 (5 if you count damn). Wilbur is so full of spite and I’m here for it. More Phil playing with his food. He has decided Wilbur is the most interesting. Mostly because he’s the one they are actually negotiating with and everyone knows it. Probably because being a bastard makes him interesting. Bonus points for so clearly loving his younger brother despite him being incompetent. Maybe Phil has picked up on the fact that Wilbur would be a better King. Also, commenting about how Wilbur has been trained well (like he’s a dog), has me thinking that Phil might be trying to figure out what will make him snap. Since calling him a bastard and laughing in his face isn’t enough. Neither is calling him a child or inexperienced.
Anyway, I was gonna write a short ask, yet here we are. My apologies. Also sorry in advance if I spelled any of them names wrong. I never read names correctly and trying to spell them has proved that once again.
-🌲
yeahhh the themisians really fucked up on that front lmaooo
eret wasn't a parent to either of the boys but they were forced to kind of take the role as one for the two of them. it wasn't the same, but wilbur and tommy needed some guiding force in their lives that wasn't just servants taking care of them, so eret ended up becoming that kind of mentor figure to them both. but then of course the desire for power combined with a lack of faith in tommy's ability won out in the end, hence the betrayal. really hits harder when you remember how long eret has known the two of them for
i love writing jack manifold's dialogue so much it's literally so stupidly fun
originally I was going to have aimsey take vitamin D pills to supplement sunlight and then i was like wait I can just make them photosynthesize lmao so all they need to eat is a little lamp in their pocket :) idk why I decided to make aimsey a flower person I just thought it fit their vibes
honestly I don't count damn as a swear but we'll include it for the swear counter so hooray!
you don't need to apologize spruce anon i love your long asks it makes me very happy to see :D
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carronpatrick · 8 months
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are you a talk about, forgive, and move past person or the opposite?
I mean, it truly depends on how many chances have been given or what specifically happened. There are certain hard lines I've had to make along the way to protect myself and at the end of it all, if I'm dead, what was the point to begin with?
In regards to my chaotic post today, after 30 years of abuse, and chance after chance after chance given to these people who range from peers to multiple generations above ours, I'm the 'I have to cut them off completely and finally choose myself because I deserve better and they refuse to change or even accept responsibility and you can't water a dead plant and expect it to grow again' person.
(And you deserve better too, anon, doesn't matter who you are. No one deserves the pain and trauma I went through. Not even them. Idk. I'm probably naive for that but just. Idk. I will always love them, I just finally love myself, too, and realize they won't ever care about me at all no matter how much love I have to give, you know? Maybe not, lol, you may have a normal family, and tbh I hope you don't understand what I mean. 😅)
Saying that, I am usually the 'give too many chances, give the benefit of the doubt, once I care about someone enough to fight with them it takes an ungodly betrayal to make me walk away' kind of person. We're all human, we all make mistakes. As long as we acknowledge and learn from them and do better and truly truly mean it? I mean, who the fuck am I to judge, right? Which is why I usually get hurt, but, yeah. I also don't really let people in anymore, though, so less hurt than as a child or teenager or younger adult.
Like. An abusive (in every way, mind you) boyfriend? After multiple chances to change and refusal to do so, I eventually had to walk away to stay alive. But a younger best friend saying something shitty and immature when my dad died then coming back after 5 years and explaining where her head was at and listening to my thoughts and apologizing? She's back to being one of my best friends. And hopefully will stay that way forever, cause I absolutely adore the dumb butt. 🥰
Sorry, this turned preachy and long, I apologize. Just, it depends. I'm complicated I guess, lmfao.
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tricoloredillusion · 1 year
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BASICS
NAME : Dev/Neo
ARE YOU OVER 18? : yes (became 30 this month!) / no
IS YOUR MUSE? : yes (unless I write flashbacks of a younger version, she's an adult by default) / no
ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? : no ( anyone ) / semi ( most people ) / yes / highly / private
ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? : no ( anyone ) / semi / yes / highly
IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? : not at all / a little / some / mostly / strictly / i sometimes change events or add to what happens. (altered timelines only)
WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? : one-liners / single - para / multi - para / novella
DO YOU USE ICONS AND / OR GIFS? : no (sometimes) / gifs / icons / gif icons
DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? : no / yes (Twitter)
WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? : unplotted (rare) / open-ended plots / semi - plotted / fully plotted epics
HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? : very slow ( more than a month ) / slow ( 3 - 4 weeks ) / average ( 1 - 2 weeks ) / fast ( less than one week ) / very fast ( less than three days )
WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? : fluff / angst / smut (selectively) / action (even if I suck at fighting scenes tho) / tragedy / domestic / family / conversational (hah) / hurt - comfort
WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? : high fantasy / supernatural / science fiction / historical / horror / comedy / romantic / drama / action / adventure / espionage / everything
ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? : no / yes (but rarely, if something doesn't strike my fancy I'll say)
DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? : no / yes (not a necessity to point them out! I'll be fine, I know how to take care of myself lol)
HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT BE TAGGED? : Not needed!
SHIPPING
WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? : romantic / platonic / familial / physical (idk what the difference with sexual is with this one so-) / sexual / queerplatonic
WHAT TYPES OF PRE - ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? : romantic / platonic / familial / physical / sexual (I very much prefer to develop stuff with interactions, unless it's a canon muse that Neo knows already)
DO YOU HAVE OTPS? : no / chemistry / yes (it's Spicecream, Neo x Cinder)
DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? : no / yes (my Neo with any men) / i don’t know
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? : no / selectively / yes
HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? : autoship / during plotting / after a couple IC interactions / several IC interactions / slow burn / depends on partner & muse (I'm a lil picky for these)
ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? : no / selectively / yes / never tried it
ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? : no / selectively / yes / i don't know (I mean, Spicecream already enters the toxic label for the major part so I DUNNO)
ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? : no (Neo has problems holding 1 relationship, she ain't getting into polyamory anytime soon LMAO) / selectively / yes
ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? : no / sometimes / yes
DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? : no?? i d k/ sometimes / yes
DOES CROSSOVER SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? : no / yes / depends
I stole this >:)
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olderthannetfic · 2 years
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as someone who's about 18 and has been in fandom since she was 8, the whole "protect the children!!" crowd icks me out because none of those people ever cared about me. upon finding out i was a minor, i was used by adults to say things that would justify their hatred and harassment, pressured into acting hateful to avoid becoming their next target, and filled with so much shame about sex and my interests. i got out of those spaces right around 13-14, but tbh i think about what type of person i could have been have i not been around that crowd. i try to be kind to my younger self and say i didn't know any better and was taken advantage of, but eh idk. those people did not protect me. they did not care about me.
for the past couple years as a teen, i've quietly explored my own sexuality, gender identity, and beliefs as a person and found out im into some weird shit but it's freeing. who cares about protecting some fictional pseudo-child when these adults couldnt even care enough to protect me.
apologies if this sounds overly bitter at all. i just hate the whole "think of the children!" crowd because they never actually think of the children. my personal experience makes me particularly angry because now whenever i see a minor or make a friend who's lying about their age and they fess up about being 9-12, i always give them the spiel about protecting themselves but giving them space to explore and exist without shame then they tell me all these hateful things those adults fill their head with. im trying to be that adult i needed back when i was younger, but it's hard. so many younger ppl i've met are radicalized and pressured to act with ringleaders of disgusting adults and it hurts to see.
i'm turning 18 soon. i hope things can get better.
--
I think this sounds predictably and appropriately bitter.
That sounds like a wretched experience, especially so young! Often, when we talk about fandom "kids", we actually mean 15-year-olds, but in this case, you were very much a child.
At least once you're 18, you'll be welcome in the more adult-oriented, kink-oriented spaces. Unlearning all that shame takes people a long time though, whether it was instilled by creeps in fandom or by religious family or by anybody else. But being angry at the correct people and asserting your right to explore is a good start.
8 or 9 really is too young to be able to hack it in adult space reliably in the way that plenty of teenagers can. (And much of fandom in an AO3-y sense really is adult space, no matter what people say.) Kudos to you for helping the kiddos you do come across. I hope they learn to lurk and observe and avoid too much interaction till they're a bit older.
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Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (9)
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(c!technoblade x fem!reader)
(so people showed they liked chapter 8 well enough so I wrote chapter 9! also how miffed would everyone be if... this was also maybe a dreamxd x reader fic? like idk i’m just having some persuasive thoughts. also don’t forget to show this chapter some love or I won’t have the motivation to do chapter 10! reblogs and comments are the best! <3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wilbur did not like this ‘Reader’ person. God she was just as bad as Quackity, coming into L’manberg and making demands and acting like they even HAD a say in HIS country. Now more than ever he wished he’d have just exiled Quackity instead of humoring him with this ridiculous election. There shouldn’t BE an election. HE was the rightful president of this country! He fought and died for this country. Put his blood, sweat, and tears into it! HIM! Not them! 
“-ur?”
This whole election thing was a mistake. He should have just listened to his gut.
“ilbur?”
But he’d been pressured by everyone to ‘be fair’ or whatever. Nobody knew what was best for L’manberg but HIM. 
“Wilbur!”
The curly brunet jolted a bit at the sudden shout to his left, he blinked and felt himself unfurrow his eyebrows before looking over at his vice president. Said teenager was looking at him curiously, eyebrows raised in a questioning way. No doubt wondering what his friend was doing just standing there silently and chewing on his thumbnail like a madman. He was still tense but gave a quick ‘sorry’ before saying he was just lost in thought.
Tommy gave a semi awkward laugh and joked that it looked like he was trying to catch the wall he was staring at on fire just by staring at it. Wilbur gave a polite chuckle at the younger man’s attempt at mood lightening humor before sobering instantly and saying in a deadly serious tone that had the blond stiffening up anxiously,
“I don’t like this ‘Reader’ person you’ve been hanging out with Tommy. She seems really judgmental and arrogant. Not to mention her attitude. She’s argumentative and childish. She very clearly doesn’t care about you or L’manberg.”
That last part hit Tommy right in the chest like the blow from a size 12 boot. How could Wibur say that? You did care! You did! You wouldn’t have-.. People who don’t care wouldn’t-.. 
Tommy’s hurt showed on his face, making Wilbur sigh in sympathy before clapping the younger boy on the shoulder and saying that it would be best for him to just focus on the L’manberg election. This Reader person was just serving as a distraction from Tommy’s job as vice president anyways. And Tommy didn’t want that, right? Wilbur had entrusted him to be his VP over everyone else. He couldn’t slack on that, right? Tommy just gave a mumbled ‘yeah, s’pose not’ but it was clear he didn’t have his heart in it, though that was all the affirmation Wilbur needed to think the conversation was over..
-0-
You sat in the audience with Tubbo and Fundy for a bit while the candidates talked to each other up on the stage. Fundy seemed sweet, if not a bit mischievous. Though you supposed that should be expected from a fox hybrid. You smiled when his ears went back after you asked why his uniform was a lighter color than the others, unable to not think he looked adorable. But when he huffed, pretty obviously upset but trying not to show it, you frowned. And you pursed your lips when he explained that it was in ‘baby colors’ because Wilbur thought it would be cute for his ‘little champion’ to have a different uniform compared to everyone else.
You couldn’t help but awkwardly ask, “Aren’t you an adult though?” To which Fundy gave a slightly loud and exasperated, “YES!” that made you feel sorry for the poor hybrid. You gave him a reassuring look and said that well if he didn’t like the uniform then he didn’t have to wear it. Or if he liked it save for the color then just dye it darker to match the others. Fundy looked a bit put out and replied that he’d thought about dying it or just not wearing it but then his dad would be all depressed and hurt. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and say that he shouldn’t set himself on fire to keep others warm.
“You don’t have to do whatever your dad wants you to just because he’s your dad or cuz he’ll be sad. You’re an adult now Fundy. It’s time you make decisions for yourself in mind, not your dad.”
Fundy started up at you with wide eyes, like he’d never heard anyone tell him that before. Which was worrying but you put it out of your mind before continuing,
“Caring about others is important, yes. But you can’t let yourself be miserable just to avoid maybe making your dad sorta bummed out. That doesn’t seem fair to you.”
Tubbo chimed in from his spot to your left and said that the uniform was a symbol of their independence from the Dream Smp, they wore it to show they were loyal to L’manberg. He didn’t say it accusingly or even angrily, just in a factual matter-of-fact way. You said that might be true but then asked why Fundy’s uniform was different? Shouldn’t they all look the same if they supposedly stood for the same thing? If they’re meant to have a deeper meaning then they shouldn’t be altered for a joke. You said he had to see how that would make Fundy feel left out. You asked how Tubbo would feel if he were the only one with a different uniform and stood out. The brunet boy’s goatish ears drooped and he mumbled that he’d be sad. You ruffled his hair and turned back to Fundy.
“Look Fundy, if you wanna keep wearing the uniform as it is, that’s fine. If you wanna wear it but only after altering the color, that’s also fine. But if you wanna drop the uniform altogether then that’s fine too. It’s up to you, Fundy.”
Fundy looked contemplative, like he’d never thought he’d had a choice in the matter. But here he was with three whole options thanks to you. He honestly wasn’t sure which one he’d end up choosing, he had a lot to think about. But he gave you a grateful little smile and soft ‘thanks’ that made the corners of your lips quirk up. Though your chat soon came to an end when Fundy saw Niki approaching. He and Tubbo waved happily to her and gestured for her to come over. She stared up at you with mostly hidden surprise and said hello before Fundy introduced you both. Niki looked almost shy as she gave a short wave up to you. You chuckled and greeted her warmly and said you liked her uniform, pointing out hers was a different color than the others, like Fundy’s. She looked down at her blue version of the L’manberg uniform and flashed a grin and said,
“Yeah, I just liked the lighter blues better than the bright red and navy.”
You brightened and gently tapped Fundy’s shoulder with the back of your hand and cheerfully pointed out that if Niki could choose to alter her uniform from the original she was given then he should be able to do the same no problem. His ears twitched happily and he grinned, showing off his canines and nodding. This led Niki to asking him what you meant and him explaining he wasn’t happy with how his uniform was dyed. She agreed with you, if he wasn’t happy then he should change the color. But she joked that he should avoid any bright greens… Fundy let out a bark of laughter before Niki gasped and pointed out they, as in she and Fundy, had to go get ready. Tubbo raised an eyebrow and asked if they were still planning on running in the election. Fundy sighed and said yes, like he’d been giving that same answer repeatedly. He probably had been, sadly.. 
“Oh, you’re both running for president and vice president?” You asked good naturedly. 
Fundy nodded, waiting for you to give some kind of remark about him running, or how it was against his dad, or something else. But instead you just flashed him an encouraging smile and wished him and Niki good luck. You glanced at the fox hybrid and the blonde next to him before nodding and commenting that they both looked smart, with good heads on their shoulders. You thought they’d do just fine. Fundy’s tail was wagging from the genuine encouragement, making Niki giggle a little. The two did actually have to go get ready, so you and Tubbo said good luck and waved them off before chatting about this and that. The election speeches would be starting soon..
-0-
He was watching her again. 
He couldn’t help it. He’d started watching her just to ensure she wasn’t going to pose a threat to the server, but the more he watched her the more he started to actually enjoy it. She was like him and Drista, maybe not exactly, but more than anyone else on the server. But at the same time she was so incredibly different. Seeing her interact with villagers and mobs and now players was intriguing. She was so much more powerful than all of them combined, but she had no trouble blending in like she was just another player. End sake, most of them even seemed to gravitate towards her!
The only other time he’d seen a deity blend in so well with mortals was… Dream. But he tried not to think about that too much.
His currently invisible form phased through the building he’d been lurking beside, going up until he had a better view of the seats in the audience by the stage. He watched her and the small hybrid boy she’d endeared herself to bid a fox hybrid and blonde girl goodbye before taking their seats. He watched her sit and talk happily with the brown haired boy so easily. He wanted to learn to do that. It may be foolish but he wants to be like her. Happy, open, accepted, loved. He’s powerful, yes. He’s the most powerful being on this server without a doubt. But… it gets lonely. Sure Drista is around sometimes but she sleeps so often, preferring her dream world more than the waking one. And Dream… well that’s complicated. 
His brother and him have a… tense relationship after the whole ‘falling from grace’ debacle that happened so long ago. Dream barely speaks to him anymore. Actually the last time they’d spoken face to face was after that silly little war Dream had been in not too long ago. He’d told him that he just wanted to sleep afterwards. At the time he didn’t bother to involve himself in the daily lives of the server’s players like Dream did so he wasn’t exactly sure of the intricacies of the whole ‘disagreement’ that led to the fighting. But according to Dream some players wanted to govern themselves because drugs? It all sounded utterly stupid to him so he just sort of didn’t absorb any of the details Dream was complaining about. To him it seemed like the more involved with the players Dream got the more stressed out and tired he became. Though he hadn’t spoken to Dream since their last talk when Dream had vented about all of this. 
‘Perhaps I should visit my brother soon,’ the floating entity thought with a hum before he faded from the realm, drifting back to the End.
-0-
Some time had passed and during it you chatted with Tubbo casually, idly noting all the people who started to trickle into the seats around you. You recognized most in one way or another. Some more than others. Like you’d watched a good deal of the ‘main characters’ on the dsmp. And while you knew the names and skins of the lesser involved players you didn’t watch their videos much. Like Callahan, Punz, and Ponk. You knew the bare bones info about them. In fact most of what you knew was from clips and animatics you’d seen on youtube..
You tuned back into the election, watched from the front row as the rally began. It looked like Quackity was going first, alone too it seemed since George was nowhere to be found. Apparently he was ‘too busy being gorgeous’ to bother showing up. You pursed your lips when you noticed Quackity was sounding a touch nervous at first. Which you could understand, speaking in front of a crowd was always tough. Especially if you’re not really used to it, which even then you’d heard that public speakers said they never truly got rid of the jitters going out in front of a crowd causes. So you sent some good vibes to Quackity, he may not be the one you necessarily want winning this election but.. well you don’t want him to embarrass himself either. But it turns out he.. didn’t do great but didn’t bomb either. It didn’t help that the others running were making little comments through his speech. 
He spoke about caring about the people of L’manberg and how his endorsement was KSI, despite the fact KSI hadn’t replied back to him. Not a great start. Also Jesus Christ himself apparently. That had actually made you laugh a little. And you laughed louder when you heard the chime to signify you’d gotten a message, only in multiple around you. Turns out everyone had gotten a message from Dream on the main channel. 
<Dream> god endorses swag2020
Quackity laughed, cheering loudly while Wilbur rolled his eyes and Tommy sighed. Then it was Pog2020’s turn to show off their endorsements. The first of which being Vikkstar it seemed. You couldn’t help but think it was so surreal to see these… well normal people from real life being canon characters in the Dream SMP universe… apparently. Well that seemed to make the crowd go wild in disbelief and amusement while Tommy pounded his fist on the podium triumphantly while Wilbur cheered. After that Wilbur shoved Tommy aside so he could speak into the podium and said he also brought in an endorsement. And then he introduced…. Schlatt. You wanted to facepalm so bad. You’d actually forgotten this part from the videos. It had totally slipped your mind that Wilbur was the reason Schlatt even knew about the damn election in the first place. 
And to top it off the man was clearly drunk or at least hungover. He didn’t even seem to know where the hell he was. Idly you wondered when he got unbanned by Dream as you watched the messages from Schlatt roll through on the message system. It was mostly him asking where the fuck he was and if the ‘big fuckin’ wall’ he was next to was the Great Wall of China. You facepalmed and heard Tommy say he was going to go fetch him. Quackity was laughing and saying one of their endorsements was ‘some old man’, and you rolled your eyes because little duck boy was gonna be engaged to that ‘old man’ soon.. But you kept that tidbit to yourself. Though when Quackity called the ram hybrid ‘babe’ and he said to not call him that, making Quackity laugh you raised an eyebrow, figuring they were already together! Nonchalantly you wondered how much stuff you’d missed.
And then came the yelling.
Schlatt started rambling about how democracy was overrated and he didn’t ‘need a president’, how he’d be his own president. All while Tommy and Wilbur tried to talk over him and get him off the stage. Then he started shit talking Quackity, asking everyone if they really wanted HIM to be their president. Then he went on a tangent about how Quackity’s vice president ‘stole his woman’, which just caused everyone to laugh, even you. You have to admit, the man was funny if nothing else. Made you wish he wasn’t an alcoholic drug using abusive asshole. Blah Blah Wilbur stole his heart, blah blah Coconut 2020, etc that you were half listening to.
About then is when Tommy, still laughing at this whole debacle, glanced down and noticed you and Tubbo sitting in the front row. He gave a bright grin and waved to you both, to which you both smiled and waved back. This little interaction somehow managed to catch Schlatt’s attention, even through his booze addled ramblings. He just stopped mid sentence and stumbled over to Tommy and asked that the fuck he was even doing. Tommy gave an awkward laugh and said he was just waving hello to his friends. Schlatt gave him a ‘wtf’ look and scanned the crowd for who the blond boy was talking about. His horizontal oval pupils finally landed on Tubbo, making the boy give a slightly stiff wave to the older male. Schlatt stared at the boy for almost a full 20 seconds, making Tubbo sweat nervously. 
You could almost tell yourself that you saw a flash of recognition in the goat hybrid’s eyes, but before you could blink it was gone and he was instead turning to look at you. Your eyebrows lowered as his gaze perked up and a grin you’re not above describing as ‘sleazy’ crossed his features. His eyes raked over your form, making you give him an unamused look. Schlatt leaned over to Tommy, missing how the teen sorta leaned away from him, and asked who ‘the baddie with the fat ass’ was. Tommy grimaced and replied saying for the other man to not say something so gross. 
“That’s Reader, don’t say nasty shit about her man!”
Schlatt laughed and told the younger man to not be such a little bitch, he had to see how hot this woman was! The hair, the horns, the ASS! Before Schlatt could continue to make lewd comments about your person Quackity smacked him with a golden carrot and started cursing him out in Spanish. While the two argued Wilbur went up to the microphone and said that the ACTUAL people running were going to be going into the White House to have a little chat and they’d be right back. Then he and Tommy ran off, Quackity, Schaltt, Niki, and Fundy hot on their heels. Leaving the stage totally empty. Everyone in the audience gave each other side glances before looking up when you stood from your chair and headed to the podium. 
Tubbo blinked in surprise before hopping up and following after you, calling your name and asking where you were going. You ruffled his hair and said you just wanted to say one thing to everyone in attendance. He hummed and followed after you, curious to see what you were up to. You knew the outcome of the election, sadly, and didn’t think there was any way to change it really. But you wanted to impart some wisdom onto the citizens of L’manburg really quick before all those dorks came back after finishing their nonsense. So you sat down on the stage, legs hanging over the side by the podium, and grabbed the mic and sighed before saying to the crowd down below,
“Listen up everyone. I’m not part of the other campaigns or anything, but I wanted to just say something real quick to all of you.”
The crowd watched you with rapt attention, wondering who on the SMP you were. You started off with a light chuckle, saying you’d never been a public speaker so if you started rambling and not making a ton of sense then that was why. Then you took a breath and just said what was on your mind.
“I’m not here to endorse anyone or try to convince you to vote for this or that person. I just wanted to say that despite all the shenanigans going on today that this is actually supposed to be pretty serious. Goofing off aside, you all are going to be voting for the person in charge of your country. The person tasked with ensuring you are all safe and cared for. Being president is a big responsibility. One that shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
You looked at each person in the crowd, lots you knew OF but didn’t know personally. But you made sure to tell them what you thought a president should be.
“Being president shouldn’t be about having glory or power. It should be about working to make sure all your citizens are safe, happy, and above all; THRIVING. If the citizens are miserable or not being heard then the president has failed. So I want you all to think hard about who you want to vote into office. Who do you think will honestly care for your needs as a country? Who will defend you and ensure you’re all living your best lives?”
The crowd seemed to be listening to you, none of them had interrupted you anyways. And Tubbo was smiling, having apparently thought you’d done a good job speaking. But you heard the sound of approaching voices and sighed again. You’ve been sighing a lot today, but that’s not really a surprise is it? Instead of dwelling on it you conclude your speech with a simple,
“Just keep in mind who you’re voting for, because you’re going to be stuck with them for the next few years.”
Then you placed the microphone back on the podium and grabbed Tubbo around the waist, and to the boy’s shock you jumped down from the roughly 8 block high stage. He let out an involuntary high pitched yelp of shock that was abruptly cut off when you both landed on the ground unharmed. He blinked then started laughing, which made you begin to snicker. He shoved your shoulder and called you a bastard for freaking him out. You just teased him for even thinking you’d let him get hurt. He changed the subject when everyone saw Schlatt coming over, though you could tell he was happy to hear you cared. But the moment was over once Schlatt stumbled into the audience, looking more than a little out of it. He hobbled over to the bed Tommy had put down for him before he’d gone on stage and collapsed down onto it, for some reason in mismatched armor and clutching carrots. You had no idea where he got any of that stuff because he’d shown up with nothing but the suit on his back you thought.
But then Wilbur, Tommy, and Schlatt all came back from wherever they’d been while talking. And it didn’t look like they’d come to any peaceful resolution, though you’re not surprised. And you’re even further unsurprised when Quackity announced he was going to be pooling his votes with Schlatt. But that right now the debate was over and they just had to let the voting go on until the next day. So with that Wilbur ended the rally and bid everyone a pleasant rest of their day. And soon everyone had dispersed, leaving Tubbo and you waiting by the stairs that led up to the stage. Tommy walked down with Wilbur, the older of the two looking pensive. But as you all walked down the main path it seemed Wilbur was deep in thought. You watched him while Tommy and Tubbo chatted, but as the cobble path turned to wood the older brunet said he’d see them tomorrow and walked off to who knows where.
Then Tubbo gave you and Tommy a secretive glance and said to follow him, which you both did without complaint. That’s when the brown haired boy started saying he’d been ‘hoping for the best but planning for the worst’. Tommy asked what he was going on about, ‘planning for the worst’?? So Tubbo explained that he’d made a little thing for if things went bad. That’s when you noticed he was leading you both far from the main area and towards the edge of the L’manberg territory by one of the border walls. And there hidden under the water thanks to some craft sign placement was a hidden entrance into a secret tunnel. All of which led to a bunker. Tommy was in disbelief at the sight, frantically asking his best friend when the hell he’d even had time to make this! Tubbo just gave a vaguely cryptic reply of, “I don’t sleep.” Which you scolded him for. You placed a hand on his head and rocked it back and forth a little roughly and said he was a growing boy who needed sleep! 
“Sleep is when your body grows! If you don’t sleep you’ll be short forever!” You huffed.
That made Tommy burst out into borderline hysterical laughter while Tubbo shouted in outrage. You laughed a little and easily blocked the hits Tubbo was weakly trying to land on you. But once they both settled down Tubbo actually showed off the supplies, like potions and such, he’d prepared for Tommy and Wilbur should anything go sour. Tommy, still shocked but appreciative, thanked his friend and said they should go tell Wilbur. They asked if you wanted to come or if you’d like to sleep for the night. You just shrugged and said you weren’t really tired. But you told them THEY needed sleep however. 
They groaned but you shushed them and made them go back to their place and sleep. They said they didn’t have a bed for you but you just pulled out a book and said you’d read by the fire until it was time to read the election results. They complained that they weren’t tired but you hushed them and said you could see how they were more sluggish compared to how they’d been that morning. And after some weak whining they eventually gave in and placed their beds down, took their armor off, and crawled under the blankets. Meanwhile you sat by the furnace, book in hand and hummed to yourself softly as you read. The two boys fell asleep faster than usual, chalking it up to the busy day they had. Not thinking to link it to feeling safe as they laid in bed.
-0-
It felt like barely an hour had passed before the sun was creeping up over the horizon. You’d finished going through the enchantment book forever ago, and it sat on your lap while you stared down at the fire in the furnace. You wondered when the election results would be read out and breathed in slowly, feeling tired but not physically. With nothing else to do you got busy making some breakfast. Just something simple, eggs with toast. But it worked to wake the two boys up, the smell of the fresh food rousing them to the land of the living. They practically devoured the breakfast before slipping their armor on and saying they should go now. It was a decent time to start the day. So they led you along to Wilbur, who had been in the midst of leaving his ball house. The two boys said they had something secret to tell him, and he actually hadn’t wanted to talk ‘government topics’ with you around. You rolled your eyes behind your mask but agreed to go wait by the stage until they were done.
So you sat alone in the audience, watching people slowly arrive as you did. Ponk was the first, his signature fire colored mask and lab coat(?) revealing who he was. Then right after was HBomb, dressed almost like a pirate for some reason? Or maybe he was a referee? He was in black and white stripes with a headband so you’re unsure, could go either way. And then Punz with his stylish white hoodie and gold chain. Then you saw Niki coming down to greet Eret. He was in full netherite and nobody gave her a second glance which sorta surprised you. They’d betrayed everyone hadn’t he? You admit you don’t know much about her. But they seem to be on good terms with Niki at any rate. Regardless he stood to the side, not really sitting with anyone. So maybe things weren’t as gucci as you thought. You were distracted from thinking about it as a man in a L’manberg uniform and headset arrived. Jack Manifold you think. Walking past him was George and Dream. 
You narrowed your eyes at Dream, something about him felt off? Which was weird considering you’d never met the man in person before so you’re not sure how you could tell if he was ‘off’ or not. But something about him was just… weird. Maybe it was the hood and mask obscuring his entire upper body save for some dirty blond hair poking out from said hood. Or maybe how his body moved fluidly like a person but… it also didn’t seem to be in the right proportions. His arms and legs felt a teeny bit too long while his torso seemed shorter than it should be. 
‘Maybe it’s the cut of the hood and pants making it look that way..’ you thought to yourself.
Wilbur speaking suddenly caught your attention, and when you looked up at the stage you saw all the candidates standing there while Tubbo was hurrying over to the seat you’d saved for him next to you. Seemed they were starting now. The little goat hybrid gave you a nervous smile before focusing on the results. Wilbur started reading but paused to ask Tommy why he was standing with his own mic, and then said he should be standing behind him. You watched them bicker a second before Wilbur gave in and let Tommy stand with his own mic. You smiled and shook your head fondly when Tommy gave a silent cheer for himself ‘winning’ that one. Once that was done Wilbur began explaining what was going to happen. They weren’t just reading off the results, they were also going to be inaugurating the winner as president. And then explained how the new president would make a decree and how the first decree was very important.
“My fellow L’manbergians, and by that I mean Ponk, HBomb, and Tubbo. And the others in the crowd as well, including Tommy’s tall friend…” he said while gesturing to you. 
Tubbo loudly cheered for Wilbur, making Tommy and Quackity laugh. You giggled a little at his antics but mostly kept silent to hear. Wilbur announced he had the election results in his hands, then held up an envelope and continued by reading off the four competing parties: POG2020, SWAG2020, COCONUT2020, and SCHLATT2020. And there had been a total of 220,000 votes. This of course confused everyone and Quackity pointed out there were barely 10 people in the audience, so how had so many votes been cast. Wilbur let out a tired sigh and elaborated, saying he’d accidentally opened the vote… to all the other servers when he’d broadcasted the election live…
Everyone started kicking up a fuss, some upset strangers from other servers were weighing in on a server they weren’t even a part of while others found this all hysterically hilarious. Wilbur settled the crowd down and explained there’d been some voter fraud as well, but he’d gotten rid of all the votes that had come from the same communicator protocol. But then he pointed out that all the fraud votes were only voting for one party.. then stared directly at Fundy and Niki. They glanced away from everyone else and Quackity said through laughter that they should be disqualified. Tommy agreed and said there was only one coder in the Coconut2020 party.. But Wilbur sighed when Fundy was silent before saying diplomatically that they should count all the votes regardless of their CP address… Everyone started laughing until Wilbur shushed them and started actually reading off the results, finally.
“In last place is Coconut2020 with 5%,” Fundy and Niki cheered for the votes they did get. Tommy gave them a slightly sarcastic congratulations while Quackity cackled. Then Wilbur continued,
“Then in second to last place with 9% is Schlatt2020…” That was actually surprising to everyone since Schlatt was a very charismatic guy on most fronts and usually never had issues with luring people to his side.
The current president turned to look at Quackity and George then glanced at Tommy and said that the two final running parties were Pog2020 and Swag2020, and coming in third place was…. Swag2020 with 22%. And Pog2020 with 31%. Tommy’s eyes went wide and he practically screamed his joy, nearly tripping backwards in his excitement. He rushed up to Wilbur and demanded to know if they’d won, and when Wilbur said they did Tommy missed the rest of the statement telling him to wait. The blond boy was too thrilled to stop and listen and without thinking he yelled down to you,
“MUM I WON THE ELECTION! WE WON!!” practically bouncing off the stage. 
You gave him a grin, mentally cooing over him calling you mom and not even noticing but inside your stomach was churning as you waited for the other boot to drop.. And after Wilbur calmed Tommy he made clear that Quackity and Schlatt had made a deal to pool their votes. Meaning together they had 31% as well. Meaning it’s a tie. This caused an uproar between the parties, everyone seemingly arguing while you puzzled over it being a tie! That hadn’t happened originally… But it was Niki who quieted everyone and pointed out something rather jarring…
“All four of our votes only equal up to be 67%... there’s a chunk of votes missing!”
Everyone was silent before George barked out a ‘what the hell?!’ that made everyone start arguing again. Schlatt was insisting that Wilbur counted them wrong while Quackity demanded they be recounted. Meanwhile Wilbur adamantly said he’d counted right and they were wrong. It took Tommy snatching the slip of paper out of his hand that had the election results typed out on them to get Wilbur to stop shouting. As Tommy read the list of results he mentally counted up the percentages and frowned before saying Niki was right, that was only like 67%! But then Fundy chimed in and asked what was written on the back. Confused Tommy turned the paper over and his eyes went wide. He was in shock and spoke in a normal tone, which just got drowned out by everyone. Seeing he was being ignored he shouted,
“OI! DICKHEADS! You missed the ‘other’ section of the votes!”
That grabbed Wilbur’s attention easily, he’d forgotten all about the ‘other’ voting option. And hadn’t even known anything was written on the back of the slip of paper. He ripped it out of Tommy’s grasp and rushed to read the back, his voice getting more subdued as he spoke…
“With the most votes at 33% is…. Reader..”
---
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i notice in saeran's route is how he and saeyoung always gets compared constantly (by the rfa and maybe other ppl as well)and its understandable since their difference is largely different despite them having almost the same appearance
but how would these choi twins feel about an mc with a fraternal twin? like we're kind of similar (hair/eye color wise)? in appearance except that he's a guy? though i always get compared by him- he's more responsible, caring, and smart so when people know that we're twins they always gets this kind of expectation that i should be some way similar to him which I'm not, i think im self-focused and impulsive. idk how it'd end up this way, maybe because my mom liked to matched us with everything when were young? (i didn't really liked it when she does that i wanna be my own person but i didn't want to ruin my mom having fun) so im like tired of being thrown in the shadow, and recently i just got scolded for being selfish and not being as successful as he is because unlike me im not really good at practical stuff i dread living a boring life routinely and im not really obedient to my parents i like living my own life. but i don't dislike my brother he got issues too lol he's such a people pleaser which i dont understand why he takes effort in pleasing others when other people probably will never be satisfied whatever you do..!
I think GE saeran and SE saeran are the ones most connected to saeyoung how would they feel about this??
GE Saeran has had to walk a long road when it comes to his relationship with his brother. He adored him, he hated him, he was indifferent to him, he wanted him gone, he wanted him back, and every other emotion in the book. He was the younger twin that could never match up. His mother made him feel like a waste of space. 
She only kept him so that she could control Saeyoung and make him stay and do whatever she wanted. He was always wrong... never good enough. So, he knows what it feels like to mean nothing to your parents. Siblings have a rocky relationship in most families, but especially ones where nobody is treated as they should be. He knows your grief like the back of his hand. 
However, he also understands that people will use your relationship with your family against you. Rika manipulated him over his brother. She made him think that Saeyoung abandoned him forever and ran away. He is aware that parents are able to tell you lies and make it seem like something is what it isn’t. He will be the first one to tell you to sit down with your brother and understand his side of things. You may not have the full picture. There are golden children and a lot of scapegoats out there. You never know what’s really going on until you talk. He learned that. 
SE Saeran has been through this song and dance twice. He had his birth mother treat him like a waste of space that was only good for ensuring that she got any money for alcohol, and then his second mother treated him like a tool that had to constantly prove himself to be anything in her eyes. 
He grew to resent his twin for what happened to him, regardless of how it ended up and why, and to this day, he’s on the cusp of struggling with what it means to care about your family, if you even should. So, he knows exactly what you mean when you say that you feel like nobody thinks you’re as good as your brother. He hates that feeling so damn much. He would never want you to compare yourself to someone else like that. It’s just... exhausting. 
However, it’s important to note that he understands at a base level that he was manipulated by the adults in his life. Even if he knows the situation is never quite as it seems... he’s not going to suggest talking to your sibling about that, he is a far more likely candidate to suggest that you look harder at how your family does you and your sibling, as well as looking to see if your sibling goes along with the hurtful attitude. There’s a difference and considering he was too blinded by trust to see his problem, he’d want to guide you into giving yourself a chance. Not the people around you. Yourself. You’re the only one who matters when it comes to a view of yourself.
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