versions of booster gold made by people who obviously dont know much about booster can be so infuriating because they tend to depict him as stupid or as a joke and then people who only know him from these depictions in more popular media have a skewed impression of him

Thinking lately about Peach and Mario’s relationship in my version where he’s mute, and how Luigi (who later grows to love Peach of course) is actually very hesitant at first. He tries not to let on too much, because he can see that Mario is totally enamored by her, but he’s also well aware that she’s a literal princess. She’s rich and powerful, and that has historically not led to great things, in his opinion. And he just has a general tendency to be more careful and naturally distrustful as a way to keep himself safe.

So he watches them very closely, tries to make sure his brother isn’t being taken advantage of. He knows that Mario can be pretty vulnerable (as much as he tries to hide it) and tends to look at things through rose colored glasses when he falls this hard. Luigi just doesn’t want his brother getting hurt. She seems nice and all, but still…

He’s never seen her pressure Mario to talk, at least. Sometimes his partners have tried that in the past, and Mario’s so in love that he tries it just for them, just to make them feel special, even though he secretly hates it. Because of course he’d do anything for the people he loves. Luigi wishes he’d just take care of himself for once instead.

Over time he starts seeing Peach use occasional sign language. Nothing too complex, just a word here or there, and it’s clunky and sometimes wrong, but part of him appreciates the effort. He’s still not sure, though. He still doesn’t like that she has enough power to kick them out of the kingdom whenever she wants. He still doesn’t like that she could break Mario’s heart.

But then one day the three of them are just hanging around the castle, and Peach says some offhand joke, and Mario just bursts into laughter. Loud, joyful belly laughs that echo in the corridor. Luigi just stares at him in awe, because he’s the only one who has ever heard Mario laugh like that. Everyone else gets a short, breathy sound that ends before it begins. Everyone else gets a fake laugh. Except Luigi.

And, apparently, except Peach.

That’s the moment he realizes that Peach is okay, because if Mario feels safe enough around her to let her in, then there must be something about her. Luigi trusts that Mario can make that decision to let someone in like that. And he starts seeing it, seeing her kindness and her genuine care, her brilliance, the way she looks at Mario like he’s everything. More than that, he can see the happiness in his brother, and he thinks that’s probably the best part of it. That, and getting to share his laughter with someone new.

Unpopular opinion. Nine is NOT a Misanthrope.

(Because I know people have called Nine such. )

Misanthropes hate, dislike and distrust people in general.

Let’s see if Nine’s behavior qualifies.

How Does Nine interact with/about Strangers?

While he didn’t particularly care for The Rebels, he was still willing to tolerate their presence and tell them his plans.

Initially Nine was scared when he saw Shadow, however given that he was being separated from his only friend in a unfamiliar location and Shadow appeared to be charging at him, his fear is understandable.

Upon seeing that Shadow wasn’t attacking him, Nine quickly became interested in him and suggested that he could be Sonic’s (AkA Nine’s only friend’s) Twin.

Nine seemed initially curious in the Pirates but then he and Batten had a minor disagreement because She mistook the containers for a boat. Nine saw Sails and became shocked. While Sonic was taking him away, Nine looked back at the Pirates, specifically Sails. The Pirates attacked the council, leading to fireworks.

Upon returning to New Yoke, Sonic spoke about how it’s handy having Friends everywhere and gestured to Nine. Then, Sonic spoke about Nine potentially meeting and loving Tails. Nine appeared to be happily listening during this all and didn’t lose his smile until Dread came to fight them for the blue shard, which led to Nine becoming annoyed and mocking Sonic.

Rebel and Knucks showed up. He was still annoyed with Dread but he nodded when Rebel told him and Sonic that she’ll hold The Council off while they escape.

(I think during this, Nine might’ve temporarily forgotten that Tails was His Prime Counterparts name since due to the different timezones, it would’ve been weeks/months since he last heard Sonic say “Tails” or “Tails Nine”. )

When Sonic suggested that he might befriend The Prime Characters, Nine only seemed to argue against the logic of Sonic’s plan. Which is, it’s likely impossible because since Nine is 1/5 of Prime Tails, He would likely cease to exist if Prime Tails is resurrected.

When Nine met Thorn, he was initially shocked/curious about her. I’m not sure if Nine’s “Who is that?” was a response to Thorn talking about Mangey or if he was asking about Thorn.

If it was the former, than that means He’s willing to listen to Thorn. If it’s the latter, than that means He’s interested enough to ask for Thorn’s name. While Nine becomes annoyed, it was in response to Sonic referring to him as “Tails Nine”.

Nine only becomes scared when Thorn sounded/looked like she was going to beat them up. Even then, He seems surprised, implying he wasn’t expecting her to start being mean to them.

Let’s look at Nine’s complaints.

Nine complains about the city in general and how miserable he was.

Nine states about how he wants to avoid everyone and nobody has friends in the city.

Nine complains about how he despises people in his space and whiners.

Sonic had followed Nine around, snuck into Nine’s lab and began calling him “Tails” and in Nine’s experience, only bullies called him that. Which is where the “My Space” came from.

Conclusion. Nine hates the DICTATORSHIP, CRIMINALS and BULLIES and NEW YOKE.

Which are understandable complaints and a specific group. He doesn’t hate Others in General/just for existing.

To Non New Yoke citizens, while Nine isn’t friendly, he’s more neutral. (While non canon, this can also be found in Speed Simulator, which Nine quickly makes a Deal with the player that he ends up keeping.)

However Nine was likely on the way to becoming a Misanthrope if he hadn’t met Sonic. What Nine is, is closer to a Hermit. Though his behavior does improve slightly the longer he knows Sonic.

how do you think danny and sam got closer and in this relationship (?) or situationship or whatever it is

because it definitely wasn’t sam reaching out lol so how do you think danny and sam met and how did danny break down her walls (at least to a degree where she let him touch her)

also what’s your general opinion on danny bc he kinda grew on me but i feel like sam isn’t even that fond of him or maybe she’s just distrustful because of richie idk

I love the word situationship. I didn't care for him on the first watch, but on rewatches, he grew on me. He seems amiable, accepting of whatever Sam has going on and isn't put off by it - he doesn't mind that Sam doesn't want to be public with him, he just accepts what he can get.

Something I do love, and I don't know to what degree this is deliberate or an oversight, but after Anika's death, they're talking and Sam says she doesn't know who she can trust, and Danny tells her "Then don't trust anyone. Not your friends, not me, not anyone." That line stands out to me because he doesn't say don't trust your sister. We know that Danny knows about Tara and about how they've been having fights, from their first interaction. We know that he knows about who she is - although some of that is definitely because everyone knows, but it almost certainly led to a conversation where Sam provided some more details.

I think she considers him as sort of a casual friend - with benefits - but he's not someone she's too attached to. She could leave him behind and not feel guilty about it.

I think they first became aware of each other through glances through the apartment window, Sam checking out shirtless Danny, Danny noticing her and nodding his head and flashing a smile. They pass each other in the hallway sometimes and he likes to greet her. He makes the first move, asks if she wants to get a drink sometime, and Sam, fresh off a fight with Tara, tells him to show her his apartment instead.

So Sam begins to use him as a stress relief and a distraction when things get hard, and he's cool with it, he occasionally asks non-invasive questions or makes suggestions but he doesn't get upset when she says no or leaves. Eventually, she begins to respond to him, and they develop a friendship. He becomes someone she can rant to without feeling judged or having to hide all the details, and trusts he's gonna keep it to himself - if not because he's a decent guy, then because he seems to enjoy sleeping with her.

I think post-6 might have her reevaluating his presence in her life: Tara and the twins know she's been sleeping with him, he's proven himself by trying to help with the Ghostface situation, by caring for her. So, maybe she can let him in and actually let the guy date her. She'll still be wary of betrayal, but she gives him a little more access to her life.

NEW MUSE INCOMING.

Name: Jumin Han

age: 27

fandom: Mystic messanger

height: 184 cm (6'0 foot)

nationality: Korean

job: Executive Director of C&R International. Working under his father, he is to be the CEO of the company if anything were to happen to him.

description: Jumin Han is one of the Deep Story characters available in Mystic Messenger. He is the son of a wealthy family and the heir of the C&R International company. He is always on business trips and usually talks about work or mature topics, which is why he doesn't know about youth slang or commoner food. He does, however, sometimes speak eccentrically. Jumin loves to talk about his cat, Elizabeth the 3rd, and how beautiful she is and is very much a doting parent. However, because of past experiences, Jumin is emotionally closed off and is distrustful of women, having witnessed his father fall victim to many gold-diggers who never loved his father, only his money.

Personality: Jumin is a quiet, serious, and cautious man who, as the oldest, acts as the logical and pragmatic voice of the group, presenting himself as the most mature. Despite this, he is interested in young slang and loves to talk about cats, especially his own, Elizabeth 3rd. In fact, in his own way, his general cadence will give off that of a child's, often being innocently unaware of many things such as free bottles of soda given with takeaways. He also enjoys teasing Zen about his cat allergy in the chat room. He is often surrounded by rumors concerning his sexuality because of his complete lack of interest in women, leading the press and other members of the RFA to tease him for possibly being gay. He views situations objectively, and wants others to be like him. He is a workaholic, which is shown through how he works Jaehee Kang to the bone; however, Jaehee states that Jumin's workload is ever greater than hers. Jumin disregards others' opinions of him, so he lives his life how he thinks is right. Jumin does not care for romantic relationships because he thinks they aren't worth it, preferring to focus on his work and cat instead. This gives others the impression of Jumin being a cold man, with Jumin often referred to as being a 'robot'. He also keeps his work relationships strictly professional, believing that his employees will do anything as long as they are paid to. As Jumin has a high status, he lives luxuriously, but he hates people that only like him for his money. Jumin has his own sense of humor which most of the RFA members do not understand, and at most times, isn't very funny but he doesn't care. Despite his cold and objective perspective, Jumin treasures the members of RFA so much that when needed, he would use his authority to help them without hesitation. During Jumin's Route, it is revealed that he is not so cold and unfeeling as he portrays himself; instead, he is a man who feels far too much but, for the sake of efficiency, he pushes his feelings down, repressing them and using work and his cat to distract himself. This has led to Jumin to develop severe, crippling loneliness and he does not know how to work through it, viewing himself as a 'monster', thinking himself to be an ugly creature because of how lonely and paranoid he is. To cope, he projected this loneliness onto Elizabeth the 3rd and is overcome with despair when he admits that he knows their relationship is a lie, that she does not understand him and never will. Jumin refers to his complex emotions as "tangles" and believes that if anyone were to see them, they would be disgusted by him, thus causing Jumin to remain emotionally closed off and distant from other people, including the members of the RFA. As a result of ignoring his crippling loneliness that he has suffered with for the majority of his life, he has immense difficulty expressing his emotions and is seen being fearful that he will be perceived as being 'pathetic', showing that he is not entirely immune to caring about the perception other people have of him. Because of never having been in a romantic relationship before and being forced to repress his emotions, Jumin's relationship with the MC is rocky at first as he struggles with the intensity of his feelings coupled with his internal fears of being abandoned and rejected. However, with the MC's help, Jumin overcomes all his fear and anxiety and "untangles" his emotions that were knotted for many years.

i am an extremely new fan, and i can admit that i dont know much about eichi and therefore i cant give an unbiased opinion on him at this point!!

i see your points i see all of them and. you are right. his desperation led him to do wrongs during war era, and he regrets it. i understand this completely, and i agree that he shouldnt be portayed as the only villain because of what his desperation did to him.

however, based on the stories ive read so far in !!, he is...unnecessarily cruel. i get that he'll do whatever it takes to reach his vision of the idol industry, but the way he phrases his conversations with the others does NOT paint him in a good light. this might be because the game is making him look like the bad guy though tbh. he thinks alkaloid is, quote, a box of mudballs, and says this directly to their faces. now, this might just be tough love, but..to say that to tatsumi, who just got out of the hospital? whom he bonded with over their health issues? it just feels...idk.

that might also play into your point about him not realizing that people want to be his friends, and seeing them as business partners tho!

adding onto that, idk the full story for this, but i was informed that tsumugi didnt want to be paid/contracted and like, begged him to be friends? idk about that i might be completely wrong!! it also might not be tsumugi actually i was told this a while ago

I got a bit rambly and had screenshots on hand uh. Sorry for the long reply.

In regards to Alkaloid, I must confess, I'm having a hard time going through the main story cuz I just.....find certain characters and dynamics annoying and/or they just dont interest me much. So i am probably lacking the full depth of what eichi has said to them but i do have two posts about my view on him and alkaloid together (well, more from a meta perspective i suppose). But then again, eichi has this tendency to make other characters want to hate him out of a deep rooted belief that he doesn't actually deserve love, even after his "happy ending", there will always be something bigger to achieve and more sins to atone for.

I'm not necessarily arguing he's not flawed (although i am arguing he's just human, not good or bad, or rather both, i think that's one of the core messages of enstars too.) He's too self aware and pragmatic for his own good. Even he himself says in Sanctuary that he's falling back to how he used to be in the war to reach his ideals.

.

.

(Sanctuary, translated here)

So i guess what i'm saying is not that you must forgive all his actions cuz he never did anything wrong etcetc but more my plea for people to read his stories and see why he's the way that he is. Because i just cannot stand to watch another tiktok full of misinformation. I could, and i probably have in the past, gone on a rant about how people blame eichi alone for the war completely disregarding keito and akatsuki's crucial roles in taking down kanata. Meanwhile my guy Eichi was in the hospital that whole time. But anyway, this was besides the point. Or maybe not. Moving on,

As for Tsumugi, the story you're referencing is Element. It was animated in the show as well, but i do recommend reading it. And then, connected to it, Daydream. Oh my god. Eichi's Daydream Monologue...

The thingbwith Tsumugi is that he just started believing in Eichi's ideals to the point where the war fully would not have succeeded without him. He wanted to be Eichi's friend and to bring him happiness so he joined old Fine, he just thought the contract was a formality. I'm not sure on the "begged to be friends" part, i think that phrasing is a bit extreme, but you gotta remember Eichi was generally distrustful that people like him beyond his wealth. And with a family like Tsumugi's, divorced parents, estranged brother, a mother that keeps falling prey to scams and losing their savings, Eichi thought Tsumugi's motive for wanting to get close was to obtain enough money to cut ties with his mom. Oh. Another thing, i can reblog some story screenshots afterwards, but Eichi does project a lot of his issues onto others. Not the best coping mechanism, clearly.

I do see why Eichi isn't for everyone. I would rather you read his stories and then decide you don't agree with his ways than someone liking him only for fluff (aka only the sweet scenes with wataru) and ignoring the rest of his character. Honestly my answer might make you hate him even more, but i hope out of spite you will read Ep:Link at least. Maybe Sanctuary, but definitely do Not start with that, it needs 7 years of stories as context. Black Tea, Milky Way, Jingle Bells and Tempest should also be good beginner's guide to Eichi stories at the top of my head.

What's your opinion of Amadeo Bordiga?

Gramsci himself best articulated the issues with Bordiga and the practical impotence of his political thoughts:

“Comrade Bordiga limits himself to upholding a cautious position on all the questions raised by the Left. He doesn’t say: the International poses and resolves such and such a question in this way, but the Left will instead pose and resolve it this other way. He instead says: the way the International poses and resolves problems doesn’t convince me; I fear it falls into opportunism, there are insufficient guarantees against this, etc.”His position, then, is one of permanent suspicion and doubt. In this way the position of the “Left” is purely negative; they express reservations without specifying them in a concrete form, and above all without indicating in concrete form their point of view, their solutions. They end by spreading doubt and distrust, without constructing anything.

“Concerning his disagreement with Lenin, Comrade Bordiga remains skillfully on the general, while not being specific.”

“Comrade Bordiga not only fails to draw the logical consequences of his negations, he above all fails to counter-propose new directives to the criticized directives in a clear and complete form.”

- Antonio Gramsci, “Sterile and Negative Criticism“, L’Unità September 30, 1925.

In other words, Bordiga’s hyper-vigilance against opportunism made him ineffective in practice. One feature of his writings that we find correct is organic centralism since it grasped the necessary relationship between the party and the base without the pretence of party democracy. He managed to reproduce the basis of the stereotypical interpretation of Stalinism, arguing favourably of a more authoritarian society beyond what Lenin or Stalin believed in. This in turn has been turned into a meme of sorts among left-communists, which is expected from all euro-amerikan centred ideologies which amount to nothing in practice beyond debate echo chambers.

Bordiga also displayed a principled stance when denouncing opponents of decolonisation as “racists” (as what happened with Onorato Damen) while pointing out that the ‘democratic’ struggles in core countries inevitably led to fascism as without the aim towards socialism bourgeois dictatorship takes over.

Beyond the errors mentioned above one we would also add Bordiga’s failure at assessing the threat posed by fascism, and his ‘anti-anti-fascist’ view was disastrous as later demonstrated by how quickly Italy’s post-war political system was undermined by the machinations of U.S. imperialism to maintain the status quo through supporting successive reactionary governments, and the terrorism carried out through GLADIO and the mafia.

Rebranded - 11 - Settling In

Time for everyone to start getting used to each other

Word count: 1,581

The following days were spent full of tension and uncertainty.

Ayala found herself needing to get used to having the animatronics in her home.

Sun and Moon each had to figure out how to settle into the house.

Neither side was entirely sure of how to adapt to the other. Particularly in the cases of Ayala and Moon.

Sun was the most adaptable of the three individuals. His greatest difficulty was learning how to exist in a household where he was not expected to constantly tend to someone else. But he found that he was able to keep himself occupied through other means. Especially once the woman had restored her home internet connection. Without anything in place to lock him out of accessing specific information, Sun was free to learn about pretty much anything he wanted. This kept him relatively comfortable. When he could not be of use, he used the internet to find some means of being useful.

An example being that Ayala could not properly cook as a result of her shoulder injury. In an attempt to care for her, Sun had tried to prepare a meal.

The problem that he quickly encountered was the fact that he lacked knowledge on most forms of cooking. What he knew how to prepare were simple foods, mostly snacks. He also had a habit of making these simple foods in a way which was meant to appeal to children. Such as arranging cut fruits and vegetables in a way to make them resemble butterflies, or making heart shaped slices of toast with jelly. He meant well. Though the food was perfectly edible the way he prepared it, it was not nutritionally sound enough to be eaten consistently.

Beyond that, Ayala had actually laughed at the first meal he prepared for her. Carrot and apple slices with peanut butter and heart shaped jelly toasts. His means of arranging everything to make it appeal to children had apparently caught her off guard.

So she laughed.

She laughed from the surprise of it all.

Though she explained after the fact that she appreciated the sentiment, the food was “too cute”. So cute that she felt somewhat guilty for having to eat it.

Or at least that was how she had explained her abrupt fit of laughter followed by her hesitance to eat.

At first, Sun had genuinely believed that she thought his efforts were silly and that she was making fun of him. It took him unintentionally reading a private conversation to accept that Ayala had just been caught off guard, resulting in her unusual reaction.

Granted, reading that conversation led to other insecurities.

While Ayala actually did appreciate the gesture and found the food cute, the people that she had chosen to talk to about it were not so kind. It would seem that humans were willing to take any opportunity to be cruel.

His efforts were mocked and there had been some recommendations to have him sent in for repairs, as obviously something must have been wrong to him to think that such a childish meal was suitable for an adult. The mockery was what triggered the desire to learn to cook proper meals.

There was also a genuine fear that the harsh words of the other people would somehow convince Ayala to share in their opinion. He most definitely wanted to avoid a situation such as that.

These worries kept him occupied for the most part. The same could not be said for Moon.

Moon was not so well equipped when it came to social adaptation.

In terms of being useful, he was fine. Cleaning was something that he actually enjoyed to some degree, so he had absolutely no issues when it came to keeping the house clean and keeping things organized.

His issues stemmed from his distrust of people. His general reaction to Ayala was irritation at the best of times, but if she ever made the mistake of invading his personal space he would assure that she quickly corrected that mistake. He would swipe in her general direction. When he did so, he would make sure that his clawed fingers would not draw near enough to touch her. While he had no intention of actually hurting her, he definitely made her fear otherwise.

She, meanwhile, had no clue as to how much restraint he was actually putting into his little displays. Nor could she understand why the nighttime attendant would resort to claiming a small closet as a sort of den.

Moon had picked an empty closet on the bottom floor to claim as his own personal room.

While the space was small, he could be left alone in the dark whenever he found himself on the brink of being overwhelmed. His agitation was a direct byproduct of stress and trauma.

Ayala, unfortunately, lacked any means of figuring out exactly what might set him off.

Outside of swearing. Moon absolutely hated it when people would curse. Ergo, the woman’s habit of swearing in casual conversation or in response to a minor annoyance assured that Moon was almost constantly on edge.

Meanwhile, Ayala was more or less unaware of her own mistakes. To her, Moon’s reaction to the swearing was less of a reaction to feeling threatened and more an attempt at enforcing daycare rules which need not apply in her home.

Ergo she and the nighttime attendant were butting heads rather consistently. Each made the other feel threatened in one way or another, and neither fully understood their own mistakes.

If he would only explain his feelings to the woman, she would most likely be willing to accommodate him.

Beyond that, she was having problems with Sun as well. Not major problems, but problems nonetheless.

She was an independent adult who struggled when it came to allowing someone else to look after her.

Ergo Sun’s persistent attempts at taking care of her made her legitimately uneasy.

The sentiment was appreciated, but she was not at all accustomed to having someone fret over her so frequently. There was also Sun’s overall inexperience with people.

He was not used to taking care of people.

He was used to taking care of children.

There was a difference.

The initial incident with the food was a good example. The meal was adorable and she did eventually eat it, but she had felt incredibly awkward throughout. Try as she might, she failed to actually hunt down any childhood memories where such an innocent meal had been given to her. Even the child safe snacks she had eaten while small were rather simple and plain. Like cheese cubes and mustard. Something that an adult might throw on a plate to put in front of a hangry child as quickly as possible.

For as pleasant as the food Sun gave her was, and as pretty as he had made it, the fact that she had been given it at all was what made her feel weirdly uneasy.

That was why she had laughed initially. Her brain struggled to decide whether or not she was supposed to be happy or bothered by the sudden and unexpected offer of such adorable food. It was an unfamiliar sentiment. An appreciated one. Enjoyed on some level, but she struggled to process her emotions in that instant.

Only after being a few minutes to let the shock of everything wear off was she able to conclude that she didn’t mind Sun’s efforts. Such was noted by her urge to try and brag to colleagues about it. Though that had backfired to some degree.

Given how expensive custom made animatronics were, it should have been obvious that people would think someone had cut corners when she showed off Sun’s attempt at cooking.

Basically, there were claims that she had been ripped off. Because such an expensive animatronic should know how to prepare a proper meal for an adult.

She countered these claims by establishing that the animatronics were still being properly integrated into her home and that they needed time to fall into a proper routine. She had already established that she would want animatronics that were suitable to have around small children.

So it was a bit easier to convince people that Sun’s AI was still in the process of learning which programs were meant to be used with children and which were meant to be used with adults.

After all, these were brand new animatronics as far as anyone knew. AI took time to learn and adapt.

So she had managed to hush down those who attempted to talk her into sending Sun back for repairs due to what had been viewed as an “obvious defect”.

She had only wanted to try and show off the cute food Sun had made.

What she failed to realize was that the daytime attendant had wound up unintentionally connecting to her phone in his attempt to connect to the wifi, resulting in him reading a good portion of the conversation that she had had with her colleagues.

The entire reason that he had stopped fretting over her so intently was not so much because he understood that she did not require round the clock care, but because he wanted to be able to provide care that was less likely to be mocked and ridiculed.

All three were struggling to learn how to coexist.

Some were making better attempts than others, but only time would reveal when they would find their comfortable means of coexistence.

Merlin and Arthur: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

Honestly, not much fascinates me about Arthur and Merlin's dynamic and I'll admit I'm biased against them. However, I've been thinking lately that I do find interesting how out of sync they were.

According to Cambridge Dictionary: "If two things are two sides of the same coin, they are very closely related although they seem different".

Obviously, although they seem very different, personality wise and with one being the Prince/King and the other the servant, Arthur and Merlin are friends with a shared destiny. They also share values and qualities, such as loyalty, compassion, a sense of justice and mercy, courage, a carefree and optimistic attitude they choose to live by. They are both easily influenced by the opinions of those they trust (Agravaine, Uther, Merlin, Gwen vs. Gaius, Kilgharrah) though Arthur is much more easily influenced. I'd say both generally want to give people the benefit of the doubt but I'm not sure that's true. Arthur is quick to write people off but just as quick to take them back and genuinely open to forgiving someone who's hurt him (Gwen post 4.09, Morgana in 4.13). Merlin, however, didn't act against Morgana and Mordred and gave them the benefit of the doubt only in theory; he refused to hurt them but didn't want to trust or accept them and nothing they did could've changed his mind.

Although Arthur and Merlin share a destiny, most of the time they lived parallel lives. Arthur was not aware of the great destiny he and Merlin shared, so their priorities were often in opposition. When it came to magic, for one, Merlin protected the good sorcerers and wanted magic to be accepted, while Arthur was distrustful of it. Kilgharrah said Arthur would bring back magic but he certainly didn't do it, or wanted to do it, while he lived. But Merlin also chose to turn Arthur against magic at least twice, in 2.08 and 5.05, and to protect Uther on many occasions. Their goals were different nevertheless, as Merlin turned his back on magic to protect Arthur, thinking doing so would help the magical community in the end anyway, while Arthur only thought of upholding his father's legacy and of his own bad experiences with magic. While Merlin thought of Arthur, Arthur thought of Camelot, his father, Gwen, his knights. Merlin was rarely a priority because the only times Arthur had to consider Merlin when making a decision were the times Merlin was in danger and Arthur had to save him. Otherwise, Merlin was the reliable servant who didn't factor in on any of Arthur's decisions.

Though they walked the same path, their steps were not in sync. Merlin either followed or led Arthur, but they were on different wavelengths, leading separate lives - one living in the future, knowing his destiny, the other living for the present, or in the past, stuck in his father's shadow.

No other season is more representative of this than season 5. While Arthur's only thoughts were of the health of the Kingdom, his knights, his marriage, his father's legacy, Merlin was tortured with knowledge of the future and with trying to prevent it. Arthur was his happiest while Merlin was at his lowest.

Merlin and Arthur walked side by side in the beginning, in season 1, but their paths quickly diverged, like two forks on the road that eventually converged again (only to separate again in the end...). In season 2, the respect Arthur showed Merlin in the beginning all but disappeared; Arthur decided when Merlin was a servant or a friend, and Merlin's powers, secrets and responsibilities took him away from Arthur. Merlin couldn't share his burdens no more than Arthur could share his, especially when he became King. Arthur confided in Merlin, but the weight of the crown wasn't a burden he could easily share. Arthur chose to marry Gwen to have someone to share his responsibilities with, and was all the happier for it, but Merlin had no such luck. They were like two ships in the night in season 5. Arthur was entirely clueless about what was coming for him, the kind of power Merlin had over him, and the choices being kept from him. The contrast between the two was almost comical.

Two sides of the same coin is not the expression that comes to mind when I think from Arthur's perspective. It's easier to believe it knowing what Merlin knows, but I care about Arthur and Merlin as people more than I care about their destiny, and, from that perspective, they didn't usually seem like two sides of the same coin, or two halves of the same whole, very much at all, and I think that's the tragedy of them when Merlin is concerned.

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Dandy Generation Recap

Ava Mizrahi was the result of an unwanted pregnancy after her mother (Sofia) was assaulted.

Desperate to give her daughter a better childhood then she had, Sofia ran away to Oasis Springs to raise her daughter as a single mother.

For the first 3 years of her life it was just Ava and her mother until Jamal Donnelly entered their life.

She was 6 when they married and 10 when Jamal (aka con artist Jameson Reed) was arrested and they divorced.

The trauma of the divorce created a hard edge in Ava that some might call cold-blooded and made it difficult for her to make and keep friends outside of the snobbish and mean Nancy Landgraab.

While her mother and half-brother coped with the divorce in their own way, Ava poured herself into her education and was eventually asked to tutor a failing student (Kyle Kyleson) who managed to quickly work his way into her heart.

Despite Ava's affinity for distrust, she said 'yes' when he asked her to marry him and they moved to San Sequoia where he grew up.

But they are still young and there is still much they have not worked through.

Other Side Plots...

Ava's mother Sofia remarried her childhood best friend, Nikolas,  the year after Ava and Kyle married. Nikolas is the closest thing to a true father figure Ava has ever had. He was the first person to meet her when she was an infant, gave her treats as a toddler, was her confidant as a child and he was the one she asked to give her away when she got married. As a detective it was Nikolas who learned the truth about Jamal/Jameson and arrested him and it was him who Ava and Thomas would call in emergencies. He was also an unofficial caretaker for Ava's sick biological father, Mathias who passed away shortly after Ava met him.

Ava's uncle Stefan (Sofia's twin brother), currently lives in Mt. Komorebi and is believed to be a caretaker for his mentally ill companion Esteban who was not allowed to fight in the Sulani war due to his 'illness'. The family does not know the full truth which is that Esteban was deemed 'mentally unfit to fight' after telling the recruiters that he and Stefan were in a relationship. Though not legally married in most worlds they have privately preformed an old Salvadoradan marriage ritual and consider themselves eternally bound.

Nancy Landgraab is Ava's closest friend despite their tense relationship. They met in Oasis Springs as children and despite a tense start realized that they were the only ones who could stand one another and to some extent understand each other. Nancy has always had a poor opinion of Kyle causing tension that led to a fist fight and Nancy getting suspended from Copperdale Academy.

Kyle comes from a very close family that shares everything. He lived with his older sister, Jennifer, while attending Copperdale Academy, but continued to keep his parents in San Sequoia informed on his life, including his romance (something Ava was not too happy about). Kyle's dad Evan works for a computer company and has helped Kyle get a job in the company while his mom Glenda is a rather religious recycle disciple.They are very involved in the San Sequoia Community.

Julianus Didius Buys Rome at Auction

Image (Jarvis 2013).

The next place that I visited was again the Imperial Palace, only this time it was 193 AD and a large crowd was gathered as Rome’s new emperor moved to take his place on the throne. However, here was no joyous celebration— the crowd was jeering and yelling in revilement, throwing food or stones as the new emperor made his way through the streets. I could not see him even as he drew near to where I stood among the crowd, because a phalanx of soldiers had surrounded him and they held their shields around and above him as protection from the people gathered. People yelled his name with insult and disdain- Julianus. Cries rose from the crowd, with mocking questions of how a man could be emperor by buying his position at an auction. The soldiers thrust their lances up into the air, hitting away the projectiles that were aimed at Julianus. Some of those in the crowd did not yell and condemn the new emperor, but they stood in silence and what seemed like confusion as the procession made its way into the palace. Through both hushed conversations and loud accusations I learned the perspective the crowd had about this event; when the previous emperor Pertinax was assassinated, chaos and distrust swept the city in a wave that led to no new emperor being appointed. Instead, after many weeks, it was decided that the throne would be auctioned off to the highest bidder- who just happened to be Didius Julianus. The people around me did not seem to hold high opinions of the man, whispering that he was a corrupt member of the consul who was rich enough to buy his new position. They distrusted his abilities in leadership and politics, and found it ridiculous that a man could become emperor simply through bidding for the right to do so.

Even after Julianus and his loyal soldiers had entered into the palace and the large doors obscured the view of the people gathered- the crowd did not dissipate. I overheard more conversations about the soldiers and their acceptance of the new emperor, one main claimed they had sworn fealty to him after Julianus had promised every soldier riches of gold and silver. Another man said that Julianus had promised to bring back the ways of Emperor Commodus to appeal to the military and gain their support. At this time there was no more jeering or yelling, and I stayed within the crowd to listen as people discussed how they had reached this point and why they disapproved of the imperial rule being bought through auction. I enjoyed getting a firsthand look into the opinions of the people in the general public, and remained at the palace until the crowd had thinned and night began to fall. At this point, I prepared for the last day of travel ahead of me and decided on my final destination. 

Feminism and Boundaries

I have listened to several youtube videos from an English woman that goes by the name of The Authentic Observer. She had one that caught my attention called: Has Feminism Made It Harder For Girls to Set Boundaries?

She tells the personal story of a sexual encounter she had as a 15/16/17 year old, somewhere in there. She had been interested, but the guy (also the same age) kept pushing her boundaries. Uncomfortable, she would tell him no, but then let him cross the boundary. This kept on until at some point, she burst out crying. At that point, he understood that he had done something bad.  

She gives the background on herself that she always felt she could stand up for herself in the face of direct confrontation. If a kid called her a name or pushed her, she had no problem facing that down. But with friends who would run over her, she felt she couldn’t tell them no. Her description of this dichotomy gave the sense that this is actually a very common thing, particularly in young girls.

Then she mentions a few things that really caught my attention:  

"You'd think that in this age of #girlpower empowerment, that girls would find it easier to set boundaries, but I don't think that's true. Instead it's led to a lot of girls feeling like they can't set boundaries, because they're supposed to just be up for anything with anyone. They want to be seen as some traditional weirdo. To be cool with anything is what empowerment means. So I'll pretend I'm ok with this, even though I'm really not. Despite all the talk about consent, I think many girls feel like they have less of a right to refuse nowadays."  

She mentions "society telling girls" these kinds of things. Now I have an issue with these kinds of statements: "Society says X." It can be a type of personification fallacy, since 'society' isn't a person that can say something. Often, I'm really distrustful of people making such statements about what society is saying. Maybe they've personally heard some people express an opinion, but that's not the same thing as some wider social accepted belief. But I get that it is a way of expressing a wider socially accepted belief. Whether it's true or not will be up for debate, but at least granting the phrase is meant to express some generally held socially acceptable view.

I know modern feminism has a lot to say about what society tells women. What feminism means in this context by "Society" is the mouthpiece of the patriarchy. Society then is the patriarchal systemic oppression of women that feminism is challenging, because what society (the patriarchy) is saying is said in order to maintain oppression against women.  

But the switch that clicked on in my mind with her description is that she is describing an injustice, in this case equating empowerment with the removal of boundaries, that society is inflicting on women, but in this instance, "society" isn't the patriarchal voice, it's feminism. Ironically enough, perhaps one could make the case that women refusing to set up boundaries to deny men the cheap sex men would prefer under the rubric of empowerment, is, if men were that sneaky... exactly the kind of thing a patriarchy would want IF it were to infiltrate feminism and flip the message on its head.  

But the way she spoke about this really made me think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxzLqc5Gj-w&t=2363s

hello mr simp do you have any thoughts on the leeks 👀

FIRST OF ALL. THEY CAME SO FUCKING EARLY??? BRO I WAS ASLEEP

SECOND OF ALL

holy SHIT YALL

Okay, it's no secret that I'm an All Might stan. I LOVE All Might. Very very much. Not just as a simp, but genuinely, I enjoy his character SO MUCH.

--And unlike what some people may think, I'm not totally blind to his flaws. I know he sucks as a mentor and that he's done way more harm to Deku than good. He's.... not perfect. in every sense of the word. The whole point of AM's character is that he is a DEEPLY FLAWED individual— but at the end of the day, still good.

This new chapter gave me SOOO many new feelings. I'm not gonna lie to y'all and say I was a Stain apologist beforehand because I wasn't. I disliked Stain to a certain degree, but I also knew he was morally grey enough that I was able to still quite appreciate him as a character. This chapter was about EVERYTHING to me because I honestly did NOT expect Hori to go in this direction and for things to happen the way they did. It was too good to be true! Too fanfic-y! The disbelief I felt when I read what happened was on par with when Bakugou and Deku had that apology and kinda-hug in the rain!

But this disbelief is not because it was a bad thing.

I think the writing in Chapter 326 is phenomenal. The moment that All Might was really beginning to lose hope in not just himself as a hero, but himself as a PERSON... we finally hear the opinion of someone who would abso-fucking-LUTELY make or break the last of his spirit.

Stain is, as much as his views are pretty agreeable and his label is that of a vigilante, still a pretty shitty guy. He's tried to kill literal kids who got in his way, even if said kids made pretty dumb decisions. AM hearing what he has to say is absolutely mind-boggling to him because he knows all of that. He knows Stain is a shitty person and that his worldview is perhaps terribly skewed. He knows Stain has spent a hot minute frying his brains down in Tartarus and isn't good at making judgment calls. Knows that for all intents and purposes, Stain's opinions are not to be trusted.

But the thing is... Toshinori also knows that Stain, regardless of the soundness of his mind, is telling the truth.

Regardless of how fucked-in-the-head Stain is, we as readers are able to acknowledge that he isn't blinded by hero worship. Sure, he's bitter, cynical, and quite the absolutist--but Stain is still clear-headed enough to be able to see AM's flaws for what they are and accept them, ultimately proving to Toshinori that the power of All Might was never his own but rather the legacy that he inspired.

The society MHA takes place in is flawed. We all know this. Heroes, as a concept, had been corrupted into being purely about good and evil. Purely winning fights for money or fame or the abstract concept of victory (coughs Endeavor and the no.1 spot coughs), making heroism as we know it about flashiness and power instead of mercy and the desire to help others.

All Might symbolizes the ideal version of the Hero Society. He represents doing the best you can. Being a hero until you reach your limits, and then going even past that. He symbolizes pure intention and the desire to be a hero not for material gains but because of the pure want to make society a better and safer place. Stain refers to Kamino Ward and the statue as a "holy land" because he believes that through and through, AM's only had the purest of intentions and morals. To him, Toshinori was like a deity that had no fault in making society what it was in the present because that accountability fell on the generations of heroes that failed to fulfill his legacy.

The point being, Stain understood that All Might was fundamentally not about 'being there' for everyone 24/7, but rather the message his presence had sent.

All Might's monologue at the beginning of the chapter essentially boiled down to the ideas that:

A. He regrets not being there properly for Deku

B. His image was a delusion that ultimately led to the downfall of hero society.

To break this down, his problem with Deku is his inability to be a competent mentor. It shows that he has led him down dangerous and horrible paths (Deku's stubbornness to do things by himself and his 'dark' arc post-war), and is unable to bring him back into the light even if he tries. It was only when Class 1-A had intervened that they were able to get Deku to rest and let people tag along, after all, which is why Toshinori was far too embarrassed to follow him into UA's walls even after everyone had come out with umbrellas.

Stain disproves this in two ways.

First, he says that it was never about All Might's ability to actually be there for people. The whole point of what inspired Deku to be the inherently good-hearted "true hero" he is today is because of the values that AM's brand had instilled in him as a child. AM's biggest positive impacts came from behind the screen where he was used as the proof that true heroes can and do exist. Deku does want to be exactly like All Might, yes, which is why we see Toshinori leading him down the same path that he walked--but the underlying message of this is that the very first thing All Might gave him even before OfA was the courage to help fix society.

I do believe Deku is an innately compassionate person. Most people in the series are. However, what makes All Might's smile so uniquely impactful to what it did to Hero Society is the way it gave people courage to help people. Less hesitation. Less bystander syndromes. The ability to move without thinking. Because you can feel the want to help a person, but the courage to be nosey and actually do it? That's portrayed as something AM's image teaches people.

The second way he disproves AM's insecurity of dragging Deku down is that he makes it clear that this pain is somewhat of a necessity in reforming society. He says, interestingly enough, that this is but the 'middle process' in reforming society. This spills over to how he addresses Problem B, but what Stain is essentially saying here is that this sort of brutality and isolation that Izuku faces is impermanent. A phase. It implies that even if Deku is struggling and Toshinori is unable to help him, it is something that needs to happen before they re-realize the ideal heroes All Might's image is meant to create.

The second problem in regards to how All Might feels about current society (how it's collapsing because of him, etc. etc.) is more interestingly addressed. There are many things that Stain says--like how Toshinori doesn't need to actually be the one to fix society with his bare hands. The current society is not his fault because of the fact that it is not finished developing. I'm not sure if I can go so far as to say that Stain means this in the sense of the Scorched Earth method of tearing everything down to build it back up better-- but I can say that Stain still has faith in society to rebuild after this period of chaos.

This rebuilding starts with the old generation of heroes correcting what they messed up (i.e. Endeavor v Dabi) and more importantly, paving the way for a better generation of heroes that was inspired by All Might's image. Heroes that are led by people like Deku, who is defined by his proclivity to help without thinking. The violent deconstruction of society is about exposing society to the raw truth of All Might's image that not everybody can be as strong as him-- which is why we have to take care of each other.

When the lady comes in to remove the sign and start cleaning the statue, it's symbolic. It's a clear metaphor that the past few chapters are the turning point for society as a whole, and how people are starting to remember what real heroism is. From the distrust that was seeded in society ever since LoV had surfaced, we are seeing that trust being returned TEN-FOLD now that people can see not only the mask of a hero's smile, but also the person underneath.

I think it's some really neat symbolism here too about how Deku, who's metal mouth guard was literally all about representing All Might's smile, is shed.

This is hero society dropping their masks. Letting people see them for as they are. Toshinori revisiting the statue in this form makes all the more impact because he shed his mask ages ago during the Kamino Bust, so this is him coming face to face with the image he's created and seeing the differences between them, and how his image continues to live on even after he's almost completely Quirkless. The lady cleaning the All Might statue shows off the fact that things can be repaired again--that society can be clean (hehe stain pun) again.

It's interesting to me here how Stain offers the information from Tartarus.

He doesn't care anymore about his life. It's evident. He disagrees with what the LoV is doing, but believes enough in Deku to think that it's time for him to retire the mantle of 'Stain'. Unless this is another test, it's very odd for me to hear that Stain is offering a blade and his life to someone he isn't even sure is All Might.

But the impact of this action reads loud and clear.

This is Stain taking pity on All Might. This is him realizing that All Might too is a person behind the hero. That Toshinori Yagi is incapable of doing anything past the image he had already created. By offering that knife and information on Tartarus, Stain is giving control back to Toshinori. He is giving AM the chance to do something big again to help society's reconstruction. To be a part of the revolution that he so badly deserves to see. That knife is essentially an exit ticket from the sidelines, and one last chance for All Might to be able to see what his image has done for people.

I personally think that the main reason Stain is willing to die then and there by Toshinori's hand, despite not being sure that he is All Might to begin with, is because of the final impact it creates that it isn't about Toshinori Yagi's true power as a person, but the image of All Might. It is because he looks like the symbol of peace, that Stain (the literal HERO KILLER) feels comfortable laying his life in his hands and giving away valuable information.

If that isn't a great testament to the power of AM's image, I don't know WHAT is.

I guess all I have to say is I absolutely love what Stain did in this chapter. Everything felt so incredibly symbolic and emotional and as someone who absolutely ADORES All Might and what he stands for in the story, this felt like a cool balm after seeing Deku tragically reject his bento box a good few chapters ago. I have a few more opinions about symbolism, and how I think Deku's generation of heroes is going to stray from the old gen, but I think that's a discussion for another time.

Thanks for reading 'til the end!

Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

WC: 1.5k

Warnings: very short non-descriptive fight. Mentions of abandonment

Previous Next Masterlist

“Yeah I would like that,”

“Good, because I was hoping that you enjoyed this evening as much as I did. Nice to know the feeling is reciprocated,”

Gojo’s day passed like it had the previous day, the difference being: he didn’t forget his plans for the evening. How could he? You were a dazzling light in his world filled with darkness. He’s definitely going to hold on to you for as long as possible. Now, his dilemma was what to do for the date. A restaurant seemed too generic. A film sounded great, but nothing interesting was showing. Staying in either of your homes was out of the question. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or force you to prepare your home for your date. And he certainly couldn’t let you into his house; not with its current state. His mother reprimanded him time and time again for his mess of a house - definitely not suitable for his date. Gojo was at a loss for what to do, that is until a brilliant idea formulated in his mind. It would be perfect. With a set plan in his mind, he rushed to the nearest supermarket for the materials he needed.

Time flew by, and before he knew it, it was time to pick you up. He knocked and you answered. You stood there in a pleated skirt, polo shirt and ankle boots with minimal makeup to enhance your beauty even more. A simple outfit, but it still took his breath away.

“Hello Gojo,”

“Good evening Y/N. You look even more stunning than you normally do,”

“Thank you. Shall we?”

Instead of taking your hand, Gojo lifts you up by placing his arms under your knees and your shoulders. With you safely in his arms, he flew to an enclosed area of the park. No one was there, the park was after all closed to everyone, but that didn’t matter. It wouldn’t be considered breaking and entering because he didn’t break anything, right? He gently set you down on the picnic blanket. You gasped at the care and thought he put into it.

“Thank you Gojo. This is perfect,”

“Anything for you,”

Gojo sat down opposite you and reached a hand into the picnic basket, to reveal your favourite foods.

“How’d you know I love this?” You asked in amazement.

“As much as I dislike talking to Utahime, she is quite useful,”

You laughed at his blunt statement, then took a bit of the food to eat. It was divine; you melted from the treat that your tongue was experiencing.

“It’s delicious Gojo,”

“Thank goodness, I was worried that it wouldn’t meet your standards,”

“Don’t say that, you make me sound stuck up,” you joked.

He sent a fond smile to you. A while passed in silence, with the both of you eating sand just enjoying one another’s company. It wasn’t awkward - not in the slightest - but a conversation was needed to make a successful date.

“So, let’s get to know each other shall we?”

“Alright. Why a sorcerer?”

“Diving straight into the deep end aren’t we? But I chose to be a sorcerer because. Well, to be frank, it’s not really for any heroic reason. I want to be the strongest,”

“I see. But if I may voice my opinion, you’ve been helping the world by getting rid of curses. Though your reason comes off as vain, your actions come off as heroic. You’re saving people Gojo, you should be proud of that,”

The sincerity in your tone caught Gojo off guard, which led him to cough to distrust you from the hint of colour riding to his cheeks. To further deflect your attention from his face, he asked another question.

“How about you? Why a sorcerer?”

You smiled a bitter smile and focused your eyes somewhere else.

“I didn’t want to be. My parents dumped me in front of Kyoto Jujutsu Tech. I guess it was supposed to ‘save me’ or something, but I was left alone to be raised as a sorcerer. That school was the only ‘family’ I had and defeating curses was the only thing I knew. I couldn’t escape it - so here I am, a sorcerer,”

Your little speech was not what Gojo was expecting from such a cheery person as you. He pulled you to him to embrace you. Small tears dropped down your face. You hadn’t told anyone outside of Kyoto Tech, telling him was. Comforting.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But you’re not alone now. You have Utahime and friends. And you have. Me,”

You felt lighter knowing that there was someone there for you. Utahime and everyone else were great, but you just didn’t feel as though anyone truly understood. The others had tried to sympathise with you, tried to make you feel better by telling you of the great benefits that Jujutsu Sorcery can offer. They tried their hardest to make it appeal to you, because there was nothing else you could turn to. But Gojo did none of that, he simply let you cry, allowed you to be vulnerable and let you express the emotions that were trapped inside of you.

“Thank you,” you whispered into his chest.

“Anytime,” he whispered back while rubbing your back soothingly.

He took you home after your little picnic. You had discussed some lighter topics after you finished your crying. You both decided to go on more dates after the first enjoyable one. It strengthened your bond with Gojo, you learnt things about him that you wouldn’t otherwise have known. Who knew that Gojo detested wearing socks to bed? You sure didn’t, until you started going on dates with him. Gojo was an easy person to be around. You found yourself opening up easily in his presence, and he did the same. Conversations were easy and never boring. It was a comfort to be around him. You felt like you were learning to love Gojo, and from the adoring looks he would give, he was likely doing the same.

And that was what he was afraid of.

His fears came to fruition when a low level curse attacked you just after your date had finished. Gojo noticed a curse watching the two of you, but he figured he’d deal with it later. Instead of going after him though, it went after you in an attempt to hold you hostage. To use you as leverage. His incense at the curse led to a quick one sided battle. It ended quickly with no harm falling on either of you or your surroundings.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good. I am after all the strongest,”

You chuckled at his minor joke.

“Let’s go. I’ll take you home,”

“I can go home by myself you know. Fighting curses is my job,”

He frowned slightly at your words, sorry etched into the furrow of his eyebrows.

“But, I won’t pass up the offer to spend more time with you,”

His mood appeared to brighten and you walked home hand in hand. Easy conversation emitting from both of you. But at the back of Gojo’s mind, the curse still lingered, paranoia scratching at the back of his head. He couldn’t risk your safety. Not again. Sure the threat this time was small and he handled it easily (of course), but in this world he couldn’t guarantee that the same couldn’t happen again to you again, this time with a more intelligent curse. That was why, as you shut your door with a smile and a goodbye, he resolved to protect you no matter the cost. Gojo could not live with himself if he was the reason that you were harmed. He would keep you safe.

Even if it hurt him to do so.

Tagging: @the-number7 @brumous11

killshot anon! YEAH i totally agree w/ your view on kaeya. it's so weird to me that people will blame him for his role in a situation he was forced into as a child through no choice of his own. that itself had to be traumatic, not to mention everything that happened later. i hate when people say he's untrustworthy - like yeah, he's lied, so has everyone? it's clear he does it mostly to protect himself. not to mention that (& sadism) can be symptoms of trauma. kaeya deserves nothing but happiness

take a seat folks it’s time for a “brynn should’ve been an english major” lesson! today we’re gonna learn some literary theory; specifically, we’re gonna apply psychoanalytical trauma theory to kaeya’s backstory and current character. killshot anon i bet you never thought this would result in a whole ass essay.

disclaimer one! you are allowed to dislike kaeya! i am not saying you need to like him or his character, you’re entitled to your opinion and i’m not here to change your mind.

disclaimer two! i am in no way an expert and this is all for fun! this is just my silly little analysis of one of my favorite characters as someone who’s studied literary theory and rhetoric and can also apply personal experience. seriously analysis is like a hobby to me and this is just an excuse for me to ramble about kaeya.

disclaimer three! this contains lots of spoilers! basically for everything we know in-game, general knowledge as well as stuff from his voicelines and character story. don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers.

since this is going to be filled with spoilers and is about to get really long, everything will be under a cut. for those who wanna read my dumb super informal essay: enjoy!

final note: yeah this is over 2000 words long can you tell i like analysis

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let’s start by getting a quick rundown of trauma theory out of the way. to begin, what is “trauma?” in this case, trauma is going to refer to an experience that greatly affects and changes one’s life; attitudes, memories, behaviors, mental state, etc. while not all changes may be bad, per se, the overall effect of trauma is generally a negative one, which is why it’s so significant. literary trauma theory, then, explores these changes and the impact of trauma in literature. it analyzes the psychological and social effects of trauma, explaining what those effects are and why they happen. in the context of a specific character, trauma theory breaks down said character’s behaviors, feelings, and general mentality in relation to their past experiences; trauma theory hopes to explain to others the reasons for why a character may act or feel the way they do, all based upon the character’s experiences, particularly traumatic ones. our character today is the lovely kaeya alberich, with the “literature” being genshin impact. i’ll be referencing kaeya’s wiki page to ensure i get all details correct for his character story and voicelines.

it would be good to review kaeya’s backstory before delving into the actual analysis. though we don’t know much about his life before living in mondstadt, we’re told he was sent as an agent of khaenri’ah. and by “sent,” i mean his biological father abandoned him in a completely unfamiliar land to serve khaenri’ah’s interests and fullfil his mission—what this entirely entails hasn’t been revealed. mondstadt, however, welcomed kaeya “with open arms when they found him.” crepus ragnvindr took him in as his adopted son, with diluc as his adopted brother. kaeya and diluc were “almost like twins,” so close they “[knew] each other’s thoughts and intentions without a word.” he’d began a new life in mondstadt, one surrounded by friends and family that loved him; one that was completely shattered by crepus’s death. kaeya arrived at the scene of the disaster, and was led to believe diluc was the one who killed their father to “set his father free” from the effects of his delusion. there’d always been one big question in kaeya’s life: if it came down to it, who would he support? the nation that abandoned him, but he still felt loyal to, or the nation and family that took him in and really loved him? overrun with guilt, kaeya confessed his purpose to diluc, sparking a fight between the two brothers. in this fight, kaeya receives his cryo vision. though both brothers stepped away alive, they’ve never been able to make peace with one another. now, kaeya is the eccentric and charming cavalry captain of the knights of favonius; a man who gets his way by using any means necessary, regardless of whether or not it seems right.

kaeya’s not evil; he’s morally ambiguous, and that stems from what appears to be a general distrust of others. his life is one shrouded in secrecy. from the moment he stepped foot into mondstadt, he was surrounded by secrets. even now, he doesn’t talk about a lot of things, namely his past, vision, and feelings. though he’s always willing to get information out of others, kaeya never reveals anything about himself. he repeatedly tells the player they can confide in him, but whenever you try and pry into his life, he deflects your questions with some sort of witty comment or flirty remark. anything he does reveal is vague, or spoken in some sort of “code.” for example, his “interesting things” voiceline. he tells us about the owl of dragonspine, how it “seems to look right through you, while letting go of none of its own secrets,” and then tacks on a “quite fascinating, don’t you think?” it seems like an awfully accurate parallel to himself; kaeya does all he can to get information from others, but never gives anything about himself. now, this whole thing—his relationship with diluc falling apart and his need for secrecy—could have probably been avoided if he had just come clean about his mission years ago. so why didn’t he? to start, kaeya was a literal child. not only are children unable to properly tell the difference between right and wrong, but they’ll also typically follow their parents’ orders blindly. kaeya had just been abandoned, and he wouldn’t want to risk being cast out by mondstadt as well if he came clean right away. you see, there’s this thing about trauma, something that trauma theory states. traumatized people feel a sort of shame or guilt regarding their traumatic experience; they’ll keep quiet because they don’t want to cause problems or bother others with their issues. of course kaeya wouldn’t tell the truth about his past, he doesn’t want to destroy the genuinely loving relationships he’d built in mondstadt. his fight with diluc only proves what he was afraid of: if he’s honest, he’ll be abandoned again. and if kaeya’s used to all the lies, why should he bother changing?

another thing, if he’s not going to tell the truth, then why would he have initially gone along with his father’s plans? again, he was a child. he really had no choice, and was forced into a very wrong and cruel situation. there’s a good explanation for this, too, which is also stated in trauma theory; traumatized people will still do their best to please their abusers. especially if said abuser is a parent, that will drive traumatized people to work even harder to please them. although his father hurt him by ruthlessly abandoning him, kaeya still sought to make him and his homeland proud. he was willing to be used as a tool for their gain; that is, until he found people who actually cared about him. he was an impressionable child, of course he’s going to obey orders. but as he gets older, he feels torn. does he serve those who abandoned him, or those that took him in? his father—and arguably, khaenri’ah as a whole—hurt him, sure, but he still feels some loyalty and connection to his former home. instead of revealing anything, he lets the situation play out. that way, he can’t be blamed when things fall apart.

the thing about claiming he’s untrustworthy is that hardly anyone in-game believes that. he’s adored by the older folks in mondstadt, and foes and allies alike find him easy to talk to. despite seeming lazy and uninterested in work, kaeya takes his job very seriously. in fact, his story states that crepus’s death was the “first and only time kaeya failed in his duty.” the “only time” is especially important, because it signifies kaeya still fulfills his duties successfully. he’s had a total of one slip-up, and hasn’t failed since. no, kaeya is not untrustworthy. rather, kaeya finds everyone else untrustworthy. it’s not unlikely that this is a direct consequence of being abandoned as a child. although it’s been established that kaeya and diluc were very close as children, when crepus dies, kaeya assumes diluc is the one that killed him. in order to jump to such an extreme conclusion against someone he was so close to, there had to be some underlying sense of distrust. furthermore, kaeya expresses feeling as though he doesn’t belong anywhere. he was abandoned by khaenri’ah, and then worried he wouldn’t be accepted by mondstadt. he is, but there’s still that worry. if you place him in your teapot as a companion, he tells you that your home feels like someplace he belongs, following it up with a “heh, who’d have thought…” kaeya still feels as though he doesn’t belong in mondstadt; despite the fact that he’s a high-ranking knight of favonius and rather popular, he still feels like an outsider. he doesn’t trust that anyone actually wants him around, and he finds joy in testing peoples’ trustworthiness. it’s noted in his story and through his voicelines that the beloved cavalry captain has a rather sadistic nature. he likes putting people into difficult situations, to see what decisions they will make. he does this to both opponents and allies, testing to see who’s going to back out and who’ll keep fighting; in the sake of allies, who can he trust? or who will turn tail and abandon their teammates at the slightest hint of danger? i mentioned it previously, but kaeya doesn’t care what measures he has to take so long as his job gets done and he gets the answers he wants. it’s a sort of self-preserving mindset, putting himself above the safety of others. kaeya’s trying to protect himself, which makes sense with all he’s been through. he doesn’t want to be hurt, and instead finds pleasure in threatening harm upon others. it’s twisted, sure, but it’s because he can only trust himself in a world that he believes is out to get him. he’s got as many enemies—if not more—as he does allies; of course kaeya focuses on protecting himself first, whether physically or through keeping his secrets, well, secret.

his most obvious traumatic effect is definitely his alcoholism. but he uses it as a distraction, not just to wallow in self-pity. this is seen again in his story, particularly in story 3. it’s found that when his favorite drink, death after noon, is out of season, mondstadt’s crime rate is decreased drastically. at face value, this just means kaeya spends more time working when death after noon is low in supply. but kaeya doesn’t skip work to go to taverns; it’s already been established he takes his job very seriously, so this means he actually patrols and tracks down threats while off work when he can’t indulge in his favorite alcoholic drink. he doesn’t get drunk simply because he’s depressed. if he did, there wouldn’t be a drop in incidents when death after noon is out of season. no, kaeya uses both the alcohol and fighting to distract himself. after all, it’s a little hard to think about feeling sad when you’re either drunk out of your mind or fighting for your life.

despite being so secretive, kaeya gives us glimpses of his true emotions from time to time. as previously mentioned, his flirty attitude is nothing more than a mask to hide how he really feels; and kaeya is terribly, terribly lonely. that may be why he seems so extroverted. constantly being around people should, logically, drive away that feeling, but it doesn’t work like that. when he talks with the player, he frequently expresses disappointment when you have to leave. each time, though, he dampens the weight of his words with playful or flirty language. he’s lonely, but doesn’t want you to know that, like he’s afraid of asking you to stay. he takes the seriousness of his feelings, and basically bends it into some sort of lighthearted joke. kaeya hides his true feelings—negative feelings, to be exact—so that he doesn’t bother anyone. which is, again, something that happens with traumatized people. he displays that hesitance to reveal his true feelings, because there’s a shame or guilt that comes with his past. he doesn’t want to bother others or hold them back, so he puts on a smile and amps up the charisma. one other very important thing—but very small detail—i would like to note is his feelings toward family. his fell apart not even once, but twice, and kaeya still holds familial relationships in high regard. we know he doesn’t exactly care how he goes about getting his work done. he doesn’t pay attention to what’s “right” or “wrong,” so long as he gets what he needs. but one of his informants, vile, notes that the cavalry captain has one exception: he won’t work with those who threaten others’ families. in fact, kaeya claims those who do should be hunted down and destroyed. even though his own families have caused him so much pain—and he ended up estranged from both—he still understands the importance of having people who love you in your life. because he didn’t get that.

kaeya’s not evil. ultimately, as a knight of favonius, his goal is to protect others, because no one was there to protect him. and because no one was there to protect him, because he’s been hurt time and time again by people who were supposed to love him, kaeya has taken to protecting himself. he hides any and all negative feelings with a charismatic, friendly façade, because he thinks it’ll drive away his persistent loneliness. any “bad” actions of his were hardly his fault; he was forced into a life of secrecy and lies, and then abandoned by the first people who truly loved him. kaeya’s a multi-faceted, tragic character, one that toes the line between good and evil, and that’s what makes him so interesting.