#leah williamson angst
Text
—LIKE REAL PEOPLE DO.
pairing: leah williamson x reader
synopsis: a collection of private moments from a relationship between two public figures.
word count: 3.4k
warnings: IMPLICIT SMUT
a/n: this fic was proudly sponsored by hozier’s entire discography and my need to get a gf
SEQUEL: DO YOU THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU?
ONE. As It Was.
As it always was, London was raining when you came home.
The pitter-patter of the rain hitting the window panes reminded you of childhood, when it was autumn and smelled like the earth, and burying yourself in the piles of dry leaves in the backyard was like swimming in the clouds.
The rain reminded you of love and hot cocoa and scented candles.
The apartment was bathed in an orange hue from the three candles placed neatly on the coffee table when you dragged your suitcase inside. You could still hear the rain when you saw the way her eyes lit up and felt her heart pressed against yours.
You let yourself smile like it was the easiest thing in the world; because it was. You were home because you were with her.
TWO. Eat Your Young.
“Babe! What d’you want for dinner?” You heard her call from the living room.
You had just finished a chapter from your book. “Eh . . . pasta?”
“We already had pasta last night, love.”
“More pasta?” You smiled sheepishly, seeing the way she rolled her eyes but went along with your idea.
To her, there was never anything she could have the heart to deny you from, especially now that she had you back after having lent you to your work for so long.
You were supposed to be halfway across the world filming your new movie. It was only because of the writer’s strike, an unforeseen event, that gave you back to her. You had flown back from a shoot to be there for her in the days after she ruptured her ACL and when she had her surgery, but she found herself missing you the moment you left for work again.
Music played softly from the speaker on the kitchen counter as you chopped the cherry tomatoes while she boiled the noodles since that was the only thing you were okay with her doing without burning the entire building down.
“Remember to let the water boil first,” you said without turning around.
“I did,” she whined, her words trailing longer than necessary if she was telling the truth.
You stopped chopping and glanced behind your shoulder with a deadpan. “Leah.”
The water was clearly not bubbling, and yet the poor rigatoni noodles were already dunked in the pot.
“I’m sorry, I forgot again,” the girl smiled sheepishly.
You rolled your eyes at her and shook your head as she sidled up behind you with her arms around your waist.
You could never grow tired of being held in her arms like this, the warmth created by her chest pressing up against your back, and the anticipation of her timid kisses against your neck. The knife in your hand had long been set down in fear of injury by your trembling hands. Your footballer always liked to tease you until you had no choice but to submit.
“Am I forgiven?” Her voice was husky in your ear.
You were quick to regain your composure before you turned around. “Depends on if those noodles are edible or not.”
“Or we could just ditch dinner and eat each other instead.”
“Cute,” you grinned and pressed your lips against hers. You heard the slightest whimper when you gathered her bottom lip with your teeth and lightly tugged on it. “Needs some seasoning. Otherwise, good enough.”
“That’s what I meant, obviously.”
In the end, the pasta was long forgotten, and you had to order a pizza instead because, by the time she was done, you could barely walk to the other side of the kitchen.
THREE. I, Carrion (Icarian).
You had always been uncomfortable with silence. It was why you brought your speaker everywhere, why you preferred the city over the countryside, why you always felt the need to fill the silence in a room with conversation where there were other people. To you, silence meant a weapon, a way of waging war without actually doing it—the cowardice of dishonesty. So any chance you had to snuff out a glimpse of it, you did. Most of the time, though, the only war waged was the one you did to yourself in your mind.
But whenever you are with her, none of those threats present themselves. She has made silence enjoyable and something you wish you had learned to appreciate earlier, not fear it.
She had put on a movie for the both of you to watch on the couch. You usually felt the need to provide commentary were you with friends, but you were content with enjoying the movie in silence, occasionally looking over to your blonde lover to admire her on the other end of the couch. Your left leg was currently stretched across the cushions, as Leah gave you a foot massage whilst watching the movie.
Sometimes she didn’t feel real, like it was all a sick and twisted dream waiting to drop you on your head when you wake up. But it never did, because every time you reached for her, she was always there; even when you were timezones apart, she would find a way to be there for you in spirit.
“Babe, watch the movie. I like this one,” she spoke, pulling you out of your thoughts.
“I feel like it should be me giving you a foot massage,” you said, lifting your chin towards her healing knee.
“Nah. You were the one sitting on a 12-hour flight to get back here,” she put pressure in the center of your foot.
With your arm on the backrest, you lifted it to brush the tips of your fingers against her hair, inching closer toward the skin on her neck. She noticed, of course, and sent a cheeky grin your way.
Your lover smiled and laughed like a child does. You loved it whenever she showed her teeth when she smiled, stripping down the front of the stoic and reliable captain of European champions that she had to be. You hated that she always lifted others up, yet put so much pressure on herself. You wished that she would be selfish sometimes, for when you weren’t there to pick up the pieces.
You never fared well, being away from her for long, which was why when she pulled you towards her and closed the distance between the two of you on the couch, you obliged.
“I love you,” she whispered after pressing a slow kiss on your lips.
With a lovesick sigh, you caressed her cheek and repeated her words. You loved the way her blue eyes narrowed watching you when you were so close to her face. The movie was running on the TV, but the only one you wanted to watch was her. You’d have to rewind it later.
FOUR. To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe).
There was a simplicity in all of it. This aspect of your life that, amidst the chaos and complications and unfairness in the world, was just that. Love. It was simple, it was sweet, it was yours.
It reminded you of a quote you read once: “He is half of my soul, as the poets say.” If anyone asked you why you loved her, you wouldn’t be able to answer. It would simply be that because she was she, and you were you.
Maybe Zeus never intended for soulmates to find each other. He was the one who split them up in the first place because he knew they would be impossible to part if the two halves merged.
She is half of your soul, as the poets say.
There was something so transcending about loving someone, and having it reciprocated. Every part of it; the good, the bad, the ugly. But you wanted all of it. You wanted to experience everything with her, because she was half of your soul, and it was the only way you could ever feel close to whole again before Zeus split you into two.
Your lover was panting quietly on top of you, her golden hair falling over her face like a lion’s mane. Her eyes fluttered close, her lips parted, her skin was hot to the touch. You watched, seeing the slightest shift in her face as she pulled your legs to her chest, the friction of her rocking slowly turning palpable as it fell into a rhythm. You would hold onto her, your fingers pressing down to create temporary craters into her skin, treading lightly, not wanting to disturb her pleasure, like a lone astronaut exploring a rogue planet.
You sighed contentedly hearing her quiet whines, an indication of an impending release. Your lover has never been loud, like she was saving everything she was feeling for you like everything would only be contained in these four walls, only for the both of you to share.
At some point, she had mumbled something and leaned down to flip you on your front. Even while her movements were restricted by her healing knee, she still liked to be as rough as she could, and you liked it, when she was always so sweet and gentle out of bed. It made you feel wanted, the way she pinned you to the bed and pressed herself against you, the way she intertwined your fingers and coaxed you through your high and kissed you until your lips were bruised and pulsating.
She made you feel wanted, even after you both had given each other euphoria, her frantic kisses to your skin always managed to elicit short giggles out of you. You would whisper in her ear after she had rolled over, the bedsheet warm and damp where she lay, holding her lean body close to yours, just like before Zeus had split you in half.
You are half of her soul, as the poets say, and unless a primordial god physically grabbed you by the waist and tore you away from your soulmate, you would stay here, one moment after another, until infinity. After that, you’d wake up the next morning and do it all over again.
FIVE. Wasteland, Baby!
Your lover was a light sleeper. You had discovered that within the first few months of dating. The way she stirred awake was not dissimilar to how a fussy baby wakes up at the slightest of noises. Usually, she would be quite grumpy as well.
Your circadian rhythm looked more like arrhythmia with the jet lag you were experiencing, in addition to the irregular hours you slept due to having to adjust for filming. Which was why you were in the living room, reading, so your tossing and turning wouldn’t disturb her sleep.
Once again, whenever you were with her, the silence didn’t bother you. Not when you were bathed in her scent wearing her sweater and the premise of her resting a room away from you.
It was around two in the morning when you heard the bedroom door open and close, and the sound of quiet feet shuffling on the floor.
“Hey, you. Why are you awake?” You asked gently, extending a hand out to her.
“I woke up to use the bathroom and you weren’t there,” her bottom lip jutted out like it always did when she wanted your attention.
You stifled a giggle and a coo at how adorable a 26-year-old woman could be. “I just thought I’d leave you be since I couldn’t sleep.”
Without prompting, your lover made herself comfortable on the couch and snuggled into your side. “You’re wearing my jumper.”
You continued reading with one hand while the other rested on her head, and stroking it lightly. “Yeah, found it lying around.” You placed a short kiss on her hair.
“I love this, Y/N,” she said, her words nearly unintelligible from mumbling into the fabric of your sweatshirt. “I made a Pinterest board the other day for our future home.”
“Ooh, tell me more.”
“I’d like to live in the countryside somewhere, with like a farm. It’ll be a cottage with vines all over the walls and everything, wooden kitchen set, a sunroom.”
“I can see that,” you said, “what about the city? You ever dreamed of living in New York? Paris? Hong Kong?”
“I’d feel like a fish out of water. I can barely stomach London. You’d been to all those places.”
You have, but nowhere felt like home unless you were with her. You could make a home in Antarctica if she was there with you.
“All of them are overrated anyway.” You hummed. “I like it wherever I’m with you.”
Her nose crinkled whenever you’d say cheesy stuff like that. You never knew how much those words made her heart skip a beat, as she buried her face in your neck.
“I realized as I said it,” you scrunched your face too.
“Working with Wes Anderson made you a sap now, hasn’t it?” She quite enjoyed this side of you. “It’s fine. I like it.”
Sleep found her again shortly after. In the morning, she woke with a sore back, but her heart was full, realizing she had been tangled in your arms all night.
SIX. Swan Upon Leda.
To know pain; the kind of pain that cuts through your flesh and leaves you bleeding dry. A stinging sensation that soon turns into agonizing hellfire and the knowing that there are several more spirals of hell still waiting to make you bleed. It was to witness someone who was half of your soul be in pain whilst you were powerless against the evil, and all you could do was pray that it would spare your soulmate and take you instead.
Your hand clasped around hers like iron chains, rubbing her back soothingly, as if the warmth from the back might manifest in her front and assuage the pain. She lay on the bathroom floor, her breathing slow and hard, like she was grappling with the evil that, by the looks of it, was winning. Clutching the heating pad to her stomach, her only lifeline, she curled away from you and into herself even further.
“Love, let’s move you to the bedroom where you can lay comfortably, yeah?” You asked gently.
She huffed and grunted. “Can’t move. Hurts.”
Your lover, your Lioness, Queen of Europe, falling apart by an invisible evil, immobilizing her like a wounded deer. The coldness of the tiles couldn’t have helped, but she couldn’t move.
Spare her. Give me the pain instead.
You leaned down, lowering yourself slowly to the cold, until you were flat on the floor too. Gently, you pulled her to turn to face you. Your Lioness was clenching her jaw, a vein splitting her forehead from how hard she was trying to pretend it didn’t bother her.
And it stung even more when she let out a choked sob.
Then she said with a trembling sigh, “Don’t want you to see me like this.”
Her face was stained with streaks of silent tears, a sign of the raging battle she had to endure for years finally getting the best of her. But the evil had never seen the best of her; she reserved it all for you.
“Oh, baby.” Your hand came up to cup her face, the frame that held the entire world.
It didn’t matter that your lover was curled up on the bathroom floor, she was still your bravest girl, your strongest soldier, and your fiercest Lioness.
“You’re the strongest person I know,” you said sincerely, “and I’m not leaving you, not now, not ever.”
Your lover beamed tearfully like sunshine in the rain and clung herself onto you.
Young love was the thing of fairytales. You would never claim to have it all figured out, but if what you had wasn’t love, you didn’t know the half of anything.
SEVEN. Like Real People Do.
As serious as your lover made herself out to be, she was the biggest goof on the planet the moment a drop of alcohol entered her system. Never acted out of line, never said anything that she’d regret in the morning, just the rowdiest thing that considered waving her arms in the air while wobbling back and forth dancing. It made a spectacular scene to watch, especially whenever she was with her best friend, whom you had to thank for bringing her into your life.
Even the people in her life who knew her as responsible and trustworthy would be concerned at this entirely different side to her, to which you only waved them off with a laugh, and said, “She’ll be fine.”
She would always be because she always had you to take care of her.
“Water, babe?” She knew to listen to you and chugged the whole thing in one breath.
“Come dance with me?” She offered when the DJ slowed the music.
She looked too good not to, so you took her hand and followed her to the dance floor. Once there, she wrapped her arms around your waist and pressed a kiss on your forehead. “Come closer. You smell so good.”
You laughed. “Creep.”
“This is our song,” she chuckled.
The familiar melody elicited distant memories of shy ‘hello’s and stolen glances, her best friend pushing her towards you, and her keeping your number on the phone all night until she finally gathered the courage to press on it.
It was the first song on every playlist you sent each other, like a stamp, a greeting, a confession.
It was the song that played when it was just the two of you alone after she became her country’s pride and joy.
“I remember,” you said, brushing a strand of her hair back from her blue eyes, dazed ones that looked at you like you held the world in your hands. “I thought you’d be more confident, just from seeing how you are on the pitch. It was very endearing.”
“I was nervous, okay?” She groaned, laughing quietly. “I didn’t wanna embarrass myself in front of a movie star.”
“I’m glad you asked me to dance, even though—”
“I’m shit at dancing, yeah.”
You giggled, and bumped her nose. “I feel so lucky to have you in my life.”
She was swaying you back and forth, humming to the song gently, a far cry from the first time you had asked her to dance, and she panicked and said her legs were made for football and not dancing.
“I’m still shit at dancing,” she chuckled.
“I don’t care,” you shook your head. “I still love you.”
“Even if I’ve got two left feet?”
“Mmhm.”
She grinned and kissed you, inhaling deeply. “I can feel Alex taking pictures of us—Yup, her phone is out and it’s pointing at us. Very subtle, Alex.” You laughed when you turned around to see your lover already flipping the bird at her best friend.
“We do have her to thank for getting us to meet.”
“That’s ‘cause she beat me to it first. I would have found a way to you.”
“You didn’t even know me then, babe.”
“Yeah, but I’d still find my way to you.” She was giggling because you had pulled a face. “What? It’s true.”
Leah loved deeply, and boldly. You made her feel special like she was the only person in the world. You also made her feel ordinary, like she wasn’t the face of a nation and only any other stranger walking down the street. Inside the little bubble you were both in, you were just Leah and Y/N, two people in love.
The song had come to its end, and yet she still hadn’t let you go. Three little words sat on the tip of both of your tongues. You pressed a kiss to her lips first. She kissed you back, on the lips, then on the neck softly.
I love you.
I love you.
What you didn’t know was that she planned to make you a promise of forever, with a ring hidden in a drawer waiting at home.
Simple. Sweet. Ours.
EIGHT. De Selby (Part 1).
“Lee?”
“Hm?”
“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”
“Mate, honestly like—“
#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson imagines#leah williamson#arsenal wfc#england wnt#lionesses#leah williamson x you#leah williamson angst#woso x reader#woso imagines#woso fanfics#woso one shot#woso#fifa wwc 2023#engwnt#woso imagine
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regret
leah williamson x reader
actually finished writing something! wooo! the poll i put out was a close one, but this pair ultimately won. thanks to all who voted.
i’ve decided to split this into two parts, so this isn’t the end peoples!
part 2
———
“Alright. Remember, when we get there—”
“—pretend that we’re still happily married. I know.” You say annoyed, getting out of the car.
“Hey, don’t be like that!” Leah gets out of the car, catching up to you.
“Be like what? I’m not the one who got us in this situation.”
“Can we just be civil? This is the last time we’ll go through this.”
“Piss off will you! We wouldn’t have to act civil if you kept your mouth to yourself. And you had the audacity to file for divorce.”
Before Leah could reply, the front door opens to reveal Amanda, Leah’s Mom.
“Oh, I’ve missed you girls so much!”
Putting up a smile on your face, you engulfed the woman in a hug.
“Missed you too Amanda.”
“Come in! Come in!”
“Oi! David how’ve you been pops?”
“Oh, I’ve been wonderful! Glad to have you here!” He pulls you into a hug.
“There’s my favorite sister!” You hear behind you, Jacob just coming down the stairs from his room.
“Come here you! It’s been a while, huh?”
“It has! You gotta visit me more often.” You tense a bit, but not enough for him to notice in your embrace, putting up a smile on your face.
“I’ll try to visit more.”
What you don’t see behind you is Leah watching your interactions with her family.
You’ve known each other young. You’ve both been dating since you were fifteen, marrying at nineteen, divorced at twenty-one.
Her family’s have welcomed you with open arms since the beginning. You were her first serious relationship. The only one of her girlfriends that her family loved. You’ve had your whole life basically planned out, Leah would become a footballer, you a doctor, marriage, kids, the dream basically.
Leah didn’t know the exact reason why she did what she did, but it happened and she couldn’t take it back. She knew this teammate of hers has liked her for a while and never told her off.
She woke up to an unfamiliar bed, an arm around her that certainly wasn’t you. She regretted it the moment she woke up, didn’t know how to tell you, but you found out before she could. Ashamed of herself, Leah filed for divorce.
———
Leah didn’t know what she was thinking divorcing you. She didn’t have the right to be the one to file as she was the one who fucked up. It was impulsive and shameful. It was the best option she could think of at the time.
Now here she was, five years later, at the Emirates training grounds, about to run for the first time since her ACL injury. She missed you so much during this time. Every time she was injured in any way, you were always by her side nursing her back to health. You were her support system, making her fall more in love with you. This time, without you by her side, she realized how much she took you for granted, how she didn’t show you enough love, betraying you in the worst way possible.
She’d already signed the divorce papers, pressuring you to do the same all while making you go to her family’s for a dinner pretending that nothing has changed between the two of you. It was when she finally saw your signature on the papers was when she realized how she’s lost you for good.
———
Getting back home after a family walk, Amanda spots a stack of papers on the kitchen counter, a folded paper on top, along with two rings. Curious, she opens it up and quickly skims through them, shock fills her body after she finished reading.
“Leah!” She yells for her daughter.
“Yeah, mum?” Leah walks into the kitchen to see her mom holding something up.
“What the hell is this?”
Leah being clueless, grabs the sheet, reading it herself.
Leah,
I’ve finally signed everything you’ve been wanting me to sign. I don’t know why I’ve put it off for so long even if I’m not the one at fault. Guess it’s just hard to let go of the one you love the most.
Don’t contact me. Don’t look for me. You’re free.
Yn
Leah couldn’t even respond to her mother. All the emotions she bottled up came at her all at once, breaking down in front of her family. Six years of relationship, one year of marriage over.
#woso x reader#greynatomy#woso#woso imagines#woso imagine#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagines#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson angst
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Short but Mighty
Hi. So this is a request I got and I absolutely loved writing it. It's a little on the long side but I really hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, just imagine no one is injured in either team and it’s Arsenal not Chelsea against Barca in the UWCL this year. Another side note is that I am 5’6/5’7 so I don’t really have much of a frame of reference for being short/shorter but I hope I’ve done it justice 🩷
Lucy Bronze x Reader
Description: R is short and a little angry
Word Count: 4.8k
“She’s so angry because her attitude has been compressed into that small body”
“Have you ever noticed that in every friend group, the shortest one is usually the craziest?”
“Short girls are mean because they are closer to hell”
“If you think she’s short, you should see her patience”
“The smaller the creature, the bolder its spirit”
“Like a chihuahua”
“And though she be but little, she is fierce”
You had heard it all. Even Shakespeare had commented on it. Every comment about short and angry people ever made – you had heard it all. But the thing was, you weren’t short. You were 5 foot 3 inches. 160cm. The average height for women in the UK – you would know; you googled it to make sure. But for some reason, every person on your team was a bloody giant – towering over you, making you look even shorter. Except for Aitana – she was the only one who truly understood your pain.
At first, it bothered you. Growing up, you were constantly being leant on by your friends or patted on the head; your coaches affectionately called you ‘short stuff’. It really, really pissed you off. You saw players on the field consider you a joke of an opponent as you stepped onto the field. So, you started to build muscle, lifting heavier, adjusting your diet, and altering your lifestyle as much as possible while remaining healthy. When you made your senior debut at just 17, you could lift well over 1.5 of your body weight. You also channelled that muscle into your speed, earning a reputation for being the fastest on the pitch. On paper, a defending midfielder of your height was laughable, but when the challengers on the pitch saw your name in the Starting XI, they would quake with fear.
Despite all the comments, they were right about your supposed anger. You don’t know whether it was you being unafraid to utilise your body on the pitch or something else entirely, but you were frequently topping the table with the number of yellow cards at the end of the season. Personally, you believed the refs had a vendetta against you; your reputation preceded you, so they felt it was necessary to uphold it – often giving you cards for something that would have been just a caution for anything else. You did pride yourself on never receiving a straight red (only double-yellows) – something that Lucy frequently reminded you; it wasn’t that impressive as many people didn’t receive straight reds. You weren’t an aggressive player by any means. As soon as that whistle went, you were the first to offer a helping hand. You had never injured anyone – ever. That was something else you were proud of. Whilst you often got yellows for the tackle, you never left any lasting marks. Were you physical? Yes. Were you aggressive? No.
It was the only thing people had spoken about in weeks. Arsenal vs. Barcelona in the Champions League semi-final. Walsh vs. Williamson; Russo, Lacasse and Blackstenius vs. Leon, Bronze and Batlle; Little vs. Putellas; Codina vs her old club; Paralluelo, Pina and Caldentey vs Wubben-Moy, Catley and Fox; Y/S/N vs. McCabe. That was the big one – two of the most carded players in their leagues battling it out for a chance to snatch the other’s chance of a Champions League title. Alexia had been pestering you since the draw was made about your behaviour. She wouldn’t hesitate to bench you if you were acting out. Her tactics were based on negative reinforcement. It hadn’t worked – all her threats, lectures, and pressures were rendered null because you knew how physical these matches would be. You knew Jona would put on the most physical players, at least to start with.
Lucy, on the other hand, relied on positive reinforcement. As your girlfriend, she was always in your corner, especially on the pitch when a card was lifted above your head. But she didn’t like how often you were suspended or how often your abilities were outshone by the number of yellows next to your name. Your technical prowess was often overlooked by commentators and fans because of the cards.
“You know,” Lucy started, her fingertips brushing your neck as she pulled your hair out of her way. You were standing at the kitchen counter, looking at a recipe on your phone as you planned out your tea.
“What do I know, gorgeous?” you teased, tilting your head up to look at her. Your hands came to rest on top of hers on your waist.
“I think we should set up a sticker chart system or something. What do you think?” She mused, starting an assault on your neck.
“N-no marks, my love,” you stuttered out automatically but leaning back into her body anyway.
“I know.” You could feel the grin against your skin. “But you didn’t answer my question, lovely.” She nipped at your earlobe gently.
“Stickers … what for?” You turned around in her arms, coming to look at her. She didn’t stop her attack, her strong hands coming to angle your head so she had more access to your jaw. You let your eyes slip closed, getting lost in the feeling of her mouth on you.
“As a way to … combat?... your little card problem.” That sobered you right up. You pushed her way and raised an unamused eyebrow at her.
“My card problem?” You snarked.
“Alexia has been on my arse about getting you to … calm down … during matches,” she explained, choosing her words carefully. She moved to put her hands back on your hips, but you stopped her with a hand on her chest.
“So, you went with a sticker chart?” you asked incredulously. “I’m not a child, Lucy.” You never called her Lucy unless you were angry at her; she was always ‘gorgeous’ or ‘my love’, just like you were always ‘lovely’ or ‘pretty girl’ to her.
“I know you’re not, pretty girl.” She cupped your face with her hand. “I think I phrased myself badly. I’m sorry.” Her thumb moved methodically against your cheek, an action that has always calmed you. “How about a little reward system?” She grinned cheekily at you as you narrowed your eyes. “For every match without a card, I’ll treat you?” She proposed.
“I don’t need a-” you started, still annoyed that your girlfriend and your captain felt it necessary to set up a system to manage your behaviour.
“Alexia has been on my arse about this for weeks. She’s serious about benching you, lovely.” She interrupted. You sighed. You were well aware of what Alexia considered unacceptable in the Barca team – and the number of yellow cards you received was one of them. “So, what do you think? I think it’s a win-win situation if you ask me. Alexia will finally back off and not be a minute away from a heart attack, and you get …” she paused, thinking of the right way to phrase it. “Whatever your heart desires.” You could see her reasoning. Judging by the vein in Alexia’s forehead, she wasn’t coping too well with the idea that you would face McCabe in a few weeks. And you get weekly treats if you avoid yellow cards.
“Whatever I want?” You double-checked. Lucy could see you were already agreeing to her idea.
“Whatever. You. Want. Pretty girl.” She punctuated each word with a kiss.
“So, if I wanted a fancy date night at that place in town?” Lucy wasn’t the biggest fan of dates where you had to dress up all fancy – she thought it wasn’t an accurate and complete representation of your relationship. She loved taking you to smaller, more casual restaurants where you could relax, order something to-go, or just cook a nicer meal at home. But Mapi had shown you a place she was planning to take Ingrid for their anniversary, and you had fallen in love – begging Lucy to go on a date there with you. What you didn’t know she was saving it for when she proposed – the ring hidden with her Euro medal buried in the depths of the cupboard in your spare room.
“Whatever you want.” She smiled at your shocked expression.
“Or if I wanted a spa day at home on our day off?” you asked, checking how far she would be willing to go. She would much rather do something on your day off to keep her body moving a little, whereas you would rather lounge on the couch, catching up on your show.
“Whatever you want.” She repeated, leaning down to kiss the corner of your mouth.
“Or…” you tried to think of something she would say no to. “If I asked you to put on my old United jersey? And take a photo in it? And post it on social media?” Your request was ridiculous, but you knew it was something she would never, ever say no to. You had played for United while she was at City, moving to Lyon together, where your relationship had budded into what it is now, before returning to your respective clubs. You were friends before Lyon, having played with each other on the England squad for years, but moving to the new city together had led to something magical. The rival was a constant joke between you, often tuning in to the Derby’s when your schedule allowed for it – her and Keira on one couch, you and Ona on the other – all clad in your particular colours and fighting for the right to brag.
“Whatever you want.” She sighed but loved the fact that it brought that big, wide grin of yours to your face.
“What about if I asked for control?” You wiggled your eyebrow and scanned her body appreciatively, indicating precisely what you hinted at. You could see her eyes flicker slightly, making you think you had found the thing she wouldn’t do as your reward. Lucy loved being in control, and you didn’t mind letting her do it. But occasionally, very, very occasionally, she handed over the ropes (figuratively and literally) to you.
“What. Ever. You. Want,” she said lowly, silencing any more of your questions with a passionate kiss.
This was it. The big day. The first leg of the Champions League semi-final. Arsenal vs. Barcelona. McCabe vs. Y/S/N. You had been good to your word – the reward system was working well. So far, Lucy had treated you to a day at the beach, a nice meal, a new set of lingerie, and a day trip with you to Tarragona on a day off. Four treats for your four matches without a yellow. It would have been more, but you picked up a yellow card during your match with Real Madrid. But this … this was your big test.
“Todas mantienen la cabeza,” Alexia said just before you all left the changing rooms. She said it to everyone, but you know it was aimed at you.
“What do you want your reward to be, pretty girl?” Lucy asked you as you performed your final pre-match ritual (a quick roll of deodorant, a pump of breath spray, and a spritz of perfume—you’re welcome, everyone on the field).
“Not sure, I’ve got an idea, but I might wait for the final for that one,” you winked cheekily at her, giving her an indication of what you were insinuating. She sighed, shaking her head at you.
“Later,” she promised as she guided you into the tunnel.
This match was not going to plan for you. Ona and Pina had already picked up yellows for dissent, and you were only 30 minutes into the match. You were on your best behaviour – even going so far as not to tackle Katie when you would usually have. You could see how much less stress Lucy was under with every game you played where you didn’t have your name on the card list. You weren’t behaving for yourself – you couldn’t care less if you were benched (slight exaggeration, but the sentiment remained). You were doing it for Lucy; her frown lines were easing somewhat; her muscles were less tense; she was sleeping much better. You hadn’t realised your actions added much to her plate.
And then Katie left a studs-up tackle on Lucy and didn’t get carded or even a foul. You were near her when it happened. Lucy was running down the wing with the ball at her feet, you were dropping back a little, allowing her the space to make a cross to an awaiting Patri and Aitana. Katie’s yellow boots appeared from nowhere and clipped her ankles – not even making an attempt to get the ball. It was an obvious card, yet the ref motioned to carry on whilst Lucy was on her knees, clutching at her ankle, her eyes scrunched shut at the pain.
Eventually, the whistle was blown when it was apparent that Lucy wasn’t standing up. You crouched at her side, a hand coming to rub at her back.
“Do you need the medics, my love?” You asked, the tone gentle in comparison to the fury you were filled with.
“Just … gimme a minute,” she gasped. You nodded even though she couldn’t see you, your hand resting on her lower back in silent support.
“Estás bien? Está ella bien? Necesitamos a los fisios?” Alexia gushed as she came to your side, a concerned Patri and Marta joining her.
“Ella esta bien,” you said, your words supported by Lucy’s actions as she moved to stand up. You briefly scanned her, nodding to yourself as you confirmed she was fine.
The switch in you was instant. McCabe needed to pay for that. And if the ref wasn’t going to do it, you would.
“Don’t,” Lucy said at the same time as Alexia uttered “no”. You just waved them off, smiling innocently at them as you set up for the corner kick.
The incident that got you the card was well deserved. You had only 2 minutes left of the half – not including injury time – and Katie was starting a last-minute Arsenal press. You were winning comfortably at 3 – 0, but you knew Arsenal would come out hard in the next half; they weren’t called ‘second halfsenal’ for nothing. Could you have gone for a clean tackle? Probably. Could you have just tackled her in general? Yes. But it wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying as watching her fly to the ground. She ran full speed down the wing, not looking where her defenders were. You timed your run well, bracing your body as she slammed into you. You had bothered to stick out your leg to make it look like you were aiming for the ball, but everyone, on and off the pitch, knew you were going for revenge. She clattered to the ground in a pile of red and white, and a torrent of Irish-accented swears erupted from her.
You were immediately faced with an angry Aussie. Caitlin shoved your shoulders as she demanded retribution for you. You lifted your hands innocently.
“I was going for the ball,” you said, shrugging a little. You could see the referee approaching, Alexia looking furious at you, and Lucy shaking her head. Still, you could see her smiling – finding the situation at least somewhat amusing. “I was going for the ball,” you repeated to the ref, ignoring the shouts from the Arsenal girls. “See, she’s fine.” You gestured to a now-standing McCabe. It didn’t help your case; the yellow square was lifted above your head as you rolled your eyes.
“Fucking short-arse bitch” you heard McCabe mutter as you all walked away, ready to finish this half.
“And yet, I still put you on the ground,” you smirked at her, letting Lucy drag you away.
Halftime was full of Alexia's lecture. You looked to Jona to see if he would intervene, but he just shrugged. When he saw Lucy go down from a dodgy tackle, he expected nothing less from you.
“Prometiste que te portarías lo mejor posible.”
“She’s still walking, isn’t she?” You weren’t about to apologise for this. This was your style of play; she knew that when you joined the team; Barca knew it when they signed you.
“Qué dije de los amarillos? Te pedí que no los consiguieras. Y que haces?” She continued as if you hadn’t spoken. “Necesitas empezar a actuar de forma más adulta al respecto. No necesitas ser cardada por todo. Recibir tarjetas todo el tiempo es muy inmaduro. No tienes respeto”
“Enough, Alexia.” You interrupted. Yes, she had somewhat of a right to be angry at you, but calling you immature? Saying you had no respect? “I play my style of play. If the club didn’t like it, they wouldn’t have renewed my contract or signed me in the first place. If Jona has a problem with it, he would either speak to me or not play me. But they haven’t. I have renewed with Barca and Jona hasn’t even mentioned it in our one-to-ones. You are the only one who’s up my arse about this. And you’ve been pestering Lucy, too. Newsflash, she’s not my keeper, Alexia, and I am not a child; she’s my girlfriend.” You could see she was trying to interrupt you again, but you pushed through.
“If you had maybe spoken to me in a way that suggested you valued me as a player and a person rather than lecturing me every chance you get, we could be in a different situation right now. But no, you have insulted me and the way I play my football, and now you have made me even more pissed off than I already was. So please, leave me alone at the moment.” You were seething. You hadn’t meant to explode at her like you did, but she had hurt your feelings one too many times about a bloody yellow card. You looked around the changing room, seeing the shocked expressions on people’s faces. No one spoke to their captain like that. You didn’t dare glance at Lucy, too afraid of what you might see. You would have seen the proud expression gracing her face if you had. She had been waiting for you to detonate at Alexia; she could see it in the way you grit your teeth during every lecture, the way you took longer showers after training to destress every time Alexia had called you away to talk about your behaviour, the way you were baking more and more as a method to try to quell your anger.
You pushed your way past, banging the door heavily as you stormed back out of the tunnel. You knew the Emirates well, so there were no chances of you getting lost. A few doors down, there was a seldom-used bathroom you could hide in, but you could still hear the chatter that told you the team was in the tunnel, ready to start the second half.
The changing room was silent. You could hear a mouse sneeze if you listened carefully enough.
“Bien entonces,” it was Mapi who spoke – breaking the tension-filled silence.
“Quién se cree que ella es? Todo lo que he estado tratando de hacer es ayudarla a limpiar su juego.” Alexia was incredulous. She believed you needed to clean up your act if you were going to go far at Barca. She didn’t consider the fact that you had numerous accolades to your name, coming second in the Ballon d’Or for the past 3 years and earning yourself a Sports Personality of the Year twice.
“No, Alexia. You are in the wrong.” Lucy snapped. She couldn’t allow this to go on any longer. Yes, she wanted you to stop getting yellow cards, but not at the expense of your style of play. She wanted the cards to stop being the only thing commentators spoke about when your name was mentioned. She wanted the world to see you as she did. “I know you meant well, but you basically asked her to stop playing in the way that makes her so unique. Imagine if someone did that to you, you’d be pretty pissed off too.” Alexia frowned. That wasn’t what she had meant – not at all. She wanted you to stop getting the yellow cards because she viewed something to be feared, not something that was just a part of playing football.
“Y ahora te has ido y la has hecho aún más enojada,” Patri laughed humourlessly. “No se sorprendan si hoy vemos un rojo, chicas,” she added as the team made their way back to the pitch.
You slipped silently out of the bathroom, joining the rest of the team as if you were just the last one to leave the changing room.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Lucy said, extending her hand to you as she lingered just out of sight of the cameras.
“Hey, gorgeous.” You squeezed her hand, letting her know you were ok.
“Please, try not to get a red,” she joked.
“If McCabe behaves, so will I,” you said seriously. She smirked at you – just the sort of thing she was expecting from you.
McCabe did not behave. It was remarkable how calm you had been, considering how riled you were during the half-time break. You had spent a lot of this second half on the floor, being a victim of harsh tackles from McCabe herself and a particular Aussie. You could see your English teammates wincing every time you went down. But you always gave as good as you got, leaving unforgiving shoves and exacting tackles just on the right side of nasty.
It was in the 55th minute when the second incident occurred. You were genuinely going for the ball. You both jumped up for a header – you might have jumped more sideways than up, but that was neither here nor there. The slight knock you gave her made her lose her balance, landing hard on her hands and knees rather than her feet. It didn’t help that you landed perfectly upright, either. You knew how much running into you could hurt – particularly if you braced yourself (which you had been); she had been jogging backwards, unaware of your presence behind her.
“Oh, my god. I am so sorry. Are you ok?” You were genuine this time; both your national and club teammates could see it. This time, Leah was the first one to you, pulling you away by your shoulder.
“What the fuck, Y/N?” She asked, shocked by your display of aggression.
“I’m sorry, Lee. That was a complete accident.” You looked down at McCabe rolling around on the floor, gripping at her ankle. She just sighed in response. Lucy was the first of your Barca friends to reach you.
“I’m sorry,” you said dejectedly.
“I know you are, lovely” Lucy squeezed your elbow gently. “But you know you’re going to get a card, right?”
“Yeh, I know.” You turned to face the ref, shocked to see Alexia pleading with her and arguing for you. You were unsurprised when her protests were waved away, and you were presented with the yellow and red squares before being shown that you had to leave the pitch. You took it graciously and headed off the pitch.
You were escorted to the changing room by an official but were left to your own devices. You showered quickly before changing into your clothes, grateful you had packed some ‘street clothes’ – just jeans and one of Lucy’s hoodies. As you heard the Emirates erupt with cheers, the idea was planted in your head. This was a Champions League semi-final, no way in hell were you missing that. So, you slipped your accreditation around your neck and left the changing room. The crowd were still celebrating the Arsenal goal as you emerged from the tunnel. You saw Jonas spot you, his eyes widening as he gestured to the Fourth Official. You nodded once and waved at Jona and the other Barca coaches before hopping over the barricade. You spotted a woman with a young girl sitting on her lap with a free seat next to her.
“Do you mind?” You asked as you gestured to the seat. The woman shook her head and laughed a little as you made yourself comfortable next to her. The little girl was staring at you wide-eyed. She was wearing a little Barca jersey with her hair in two plaits, looking the epitome of cute.
“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You said, extending your hand to her. “What’s your name?” After a second of cajoling from her mother, she piped up.
“Lucie. But with an -ie not a -y.”
“Well, Lucie with an -ie not a -y, that is a very good name.” You smiled and turned back to the pitch, watching the game resume. You could tell the cameras were on you; you could see Ingrid shaking her head from the bench every time your face was displayed on the big screen.
The rest of the match was uneventful. Barca scored another two goals, bringing the final score to 5 – 1.
“So, Lucie with an -ie. Whose number’s on the back?” You nodded to her shirt.
“Lucy Bronze,” she cheered. “She’s my favourite. And we have the same name, but we spell it differently.” Lucie said with all the seriousness of a 6-year-old with something essential to tell you.
“Can I let you into a secret?” You leant down to whisper to her conspiratorially. She nodded enthusiastically. “She’s my favourite too.” Lucie looked up wide-eyed at you. “Do you want me to try and get you her shirt?” You asked. Her eyes grew even wider; you thought her head might pop off with how aggressively she was nodding. “Ok, wait here, ok. I’ll be right back.” You smiled as you hopped the barrier again, making your way onto the pitch and headed straight to Lucy. She was standing with Keira and Leah, clearly having a bit of a catch-up.
“Hello, trouble.” Keira teased as you appeared.
“Yeh, yeh.” You lightly shoved her head. “Can I have your shirt, my love?” You asked Lucy. She cocked her head at your request. “I think I might have found your biggest fan.” You smiled as you started to take your jumper off, grateful that you had put a shirt on underneath for once. Lucy laughed as she whipped off her top, thanking you as she slipped the hoodie on to keep her covered. You hugged Leah quickly before dragging Lucy away to find your new friend.
“Alexia wants to talk to you, pretty girl,” Lucy said as you pulled her back to the stands.
“Later,” you sighed, not really in the mood for anything Alexia had to say. “I want you to meet my new friend first.” You looked at her with a wide smile as you came to a stop in front of Lucie.
“Lucie with an -ie meet Lucy with a -y. Luce, this is my new friend, Lucie.” You did the unnecessary introductions.
“Hi,” Lucy grinned at the young girl. You handed the jersey off to her mum as you left them alone for a little bit, moving to interact with some of the other fans.
A little while later, familiar strong arms wrapped around your waist, distracting you from your conversation with Alessia and Lotte.
“Nosotras tenemos que ir, lovely” Lucy whispered, kissing your shoulder lightly.
“We get it; you speak Spanish.” Alessia teased, waving goodbye to you as you sent them both a kiss.
“Vamos,” you joked as you leant back into Lucy. Although your position made it a little awkward to walk, you were too comfortable to move.
“What reward do you want this week?” Lucy whispered in your ear as you entered the tunnel.
“Reward? But I got a card, two, in fact. Or did you miss the part where McCabe ran into me twice, and you went down a player?” You looked at her, confused.
“I know, but you were so, so sexy.” She squeezed you not-too-gently. “I’ve got to treat my pretty girl when she looks that good,” she teased, but you knew by the glint in her eyes that she was deadly serious. You hummed.
“I think I might have some ideas,” you mused as you leant back on her subtly, letting your head drop back on her shoulder.
“Good,” she whispered back, littering a series of kisses to your cheek. “My short, sexy defender.” She laughed.
“Oi,” you slapped her arm. “Enough with the short jokes.”
“Never, you get so riled up by them.” She laughed at your angry expression. “And you know exactly what that does to me,” she said lowly in your ear – a lasting promise of later left unspoken in the air.
I hope you enjoyed it <3<3<3<3
#woso community#woso x reader#barca femeni x reader#woso#barca femeni#woso fanfics#fc barcelona#woso blurbs#woso imagine#woso oneshot#lucy bronze#lucy bronze x reader#engwnt x reader#lionesses x reader#awfc imagine#awfc#awfc x reader#arsenal women#arsenal wfc#leah williamson#katie mccabe#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas#katie mccard#katie mccabe x reader#request#woso fluff#woso one shot#alessia russo#woso angst
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the monsters gone
part 3 of beautiful girl series -> part 1 -> part 2
leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader (wobbs as moms)
warnings: drug addiction, drug abuse, talks of illicit substances, depression, intrusive thoughts, would not advise for people in a bad mental headspace
You wanted her to leave, or you were desperate for a fix and well aware that it wasn’t going to happen until she was gone and you could retreat up to your room like normal.
You scratched at the incision on your forearm, it was hidden underneath your hoodie but you could feel it all the same, it made you feel guilty.
You’d never felt guilty for taking drugs, why would you? It was your choice, your body, your brain that you were fucking with. Yet for some reason, the little mark that you knew was sitting right on top of your vein was making you feel guilty. You didn’t want to admit it, but it felt oddly like the start of something, you weren’t sure what though, whatever it was though, it didn’t feel good.
When the door clicked open around 2 o’clock you felt far more at peace, watching your mom hobble through the door with Lia following her. Jordan stood up almost immediately and if the room hadn’t already been awkward then the awkwardness found a whole new definition as the two women looked at each other.
“Hey Jord, thanks for hanging around, you’re looking good.”
Your mom looked relieved to see Jordan, your ma on the other side looked slightly terrified as she eyed up the two women.
“It wasn’t an issue, you know I love spending time with my chick.”
Leah smiled, looking down at you on the couch, you buried your head in your phone, ignoring her gaze.
“Whether she admits it or not she likes seeing you as well.”
Your ma laughed awkwardly, it took everything in you to not burst out laughing at all of the tension between the two of them.
“Look I’ll be heading off, gotta me back in Birmingham for game review tonight but can we talk for a minute though Le?”
Your mom’s head cocked to the side, a look of curiosity evident on her face.
“Yeah sure, come with me.”
Lia watches them with the same look of curiosity as you, your eyes meeting as the trail back from the doorway to Leah’s office that they both step into.
“They’re talking about me.”
Lia doesn’t bother trying to ignore you or deny what you’re saying, she nodes her head.
“Probably, that’s what most parents do.”
It’s a absentminded answer, and for a second your aware that maybe Lia is in on whatever is happening, that she knows exactly what is going on behind the door. If anything important came from the phone call earlier you know Lia would be the first to know, she was like the third parent you never asked for nor wanted, but somehow ended up with.
“Ma thinks that Mom’s parenting is shit.”
Lia cocks her head, she’s harder to read then your moms, more calculated, more clean, less obviously emotional.
“She just disagrees with some of the things that your mother does, so do I. Nobody else is in her shoes though, she makes the decisions that are necessary and best for you.”
Lia sounds convinced of her words, even though you doubt them.
“Ma doesn’t think so.”
Lia bit down on her bottom lip, finishing with tucking her kit bag away so she could focus her attention on you.
“She worries about you.”
You did your best to suppress the eye roll, it didn’t work.
“She worries that mom is too nice and isn’t strict enough.”
Sometimes you thought that your mom compensated for the void between the two of you by letting you do whatever you wanted, other times you were reminded by your grandma that she’d told Leah she needed to go easy on you and that not everyone could be as perfect as Leah Williamson.
“Your mom knows what you need better than anybody else.”
The conversation paused, the two of you flinching at the sound of yelling from the other side of the door, you couldn’t make out what was being said, both of them were yelling though.
“Set the table for lunch for me, kiddo?”
You couldn’t pull your eyes from the door, you hadn’t hear your moms yell in a long time, it took you back to when they were breaking up, when they tried to act like they weren’t, when they saved the fighting and yelling for when you’d been tucked into bed and they’d thought you were asleep.
“Kiddo, table.”
You stood up from the couch, your eyes staying stuck to the door, even as you pulled cutlery from the drawer and laid it out with the placemats on the table. Eventually, the yelling ceased, and the room was over come with a silence like no other, only being broken by the door opening and your two moms walking out, both of them looking far more content considering that it had sounded like they were screaming at each other, not thirty seconds ago.
“Bubba, Jord is going to head off, if you want to say bye.”
Jordan’s arms opened up to you and as mad and confused as you were, you weren’t going to deny her. You walked around the table, leaning into her hug, wrapping your arms around her the same way she did for you, letting her hold on for a little bit longer.
“I’ll be back when I can chicky, I love you so much.”
You wanted to tell her she was lying, that they were all lying, they didn’t fucking love you, it was so fucking obvious. But for the sake of keeping the peace you didn’t.
“I love you too Ma.”
Jordan let go of you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The same way she had when they’d adopted you when you were eight, the same way she had after your first game when you were 12, the same way she had when you were 14 and you’d been top of your form and given an award, the same way she had when she’d left for good when you were 16. It was the same kiss, yet everything about it was different, the meaning, the purpose, the intention, it was all different.
You watched as she walked out the door, the same as every time, you listened to the sound of her car starting and the sound of gravel underneath her tires as she pulled out and onto the road.
Once you were sure she was gone you turned around, sliding into a seat at the table, across from your mother, staring at her.
“What were you guys talking about?”
Leah looked at you, poker face as good as ever.
“Football, some other stuff.”
It was a obvious lie, both you and Lia knew it.
“You were talking about me, what about me?”
Leah rolled her eyes at you.
“It was a conversation between your Ma and I, not for your ears.”
You didn’t bat an eye as Lia set lunch down in front of you, to fixated on your mother.
“You don’t yell over nothing, what were you talking about.”
Leah pushed her tongue out against her lips.
“Your ma had some concerns about you, that’s it, I told her she had nothing to worry about and that we were doing just fine.”
You knew that even if you didn’t want to admit it, Jordan probably had some valid points, your mom seemed unphased though.
“That’s it?”
Leah looked at you, and you could tell that she was holding something back.
“She told me that you’d told her you smoked weed last night and that you were vomiting this morning.”
You tried to keep your face from changing, keeping the confident exterior even if you were slightly scared on the inside.
“I got drunk, I had some fun, it was no biggy.”
Leah’s eyebrow rose in the trademark question.
“It’s a biggy to me because you told all you were doing was vaping and a little bit of drinking, you said you’d be honest with me and it’s clear you haven’t been.”
You hesitated for a second, the air thickening around you as suddenly the tension was between you and your mother.
“I was just having some fun mom, I didn’t do anything stupid, I was safe, just like you asked.”
Leah’s face shrivelled up as you used her words against her.
“You were out with friends I’ve never met, at a house on the opposite side of town that I’ve never been too, Jord said you looked like you’d been on a three day bender and I told her that I didn’t believe her but now you’re here admitting it.”
You reached into your pocket for your vape, desperate for something to take the edge of the conversation off, to make you feel calmer.
You pulled it out and Leah’s face immediately pointed inwards.
“How many times do I have to say no vape at the table?”
You frowned, shoving it back in your pocket.
“It was just a bit of weed mom, it’s what kids my age do.”
Leah shook her head.
“It wasn’t just a bit of weed, I’ve been smelling it on your clothes for weeks and trying to tell myself I was being delusional because you’d told me you were just on the vape, that you had no interest in drugs and yet you were lying to me, you have been for a while bubba and I don’t know how to feel about it to be honest. I thought we were closer than most parents and kids, I thought we had boundaries and that I was giving you enough space, and now I don’t know what to think.”
You pursed your lips, struggling to find words.
“And if you’re lying to me about weed then what else is there? What else is there you aren’t telling me because there has to be more. I let you drop football, I relaxed on the school because I know you were struggling but this doesn’t work if you aren’t honest with me.”
You really didn’t know what to say, your mind was in a million different places, the container underneath your bed, the joints on your windowsill hidden behind the curtains, the three vapes in your bedside table, the drug dealer numbers in your phone, what had happened last night, the meth track mark on your arm.
“Nothing, it was just some weed, I just wanted something to take the edge off, it was no big deal.”
Leah’s eyes closed for a second and you knew this was all about to get a lot harder.
“Except it was a big deal because you’ve been doing it behind my backs for weeks, I’ve tried to be understanding bubba, I have, I know it’s been tough for you with me and Jords breakup, you’ve had a really hard year, I let the vaping slide, I let your attendance drop at school, but drugs bub, it���s no joke.”
You took a deep breath.
“It’s just some weed, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”
Leah wants to say that if you’re this relaxed about being caught doing weed then she doesn’t want to know what else you’re hiding from her that would make you less relaxed, but she keeps it to herself, or for this moment at least.
“I want you to bring me whatever you have of it, I won’t have you smoking illicit and illegal substances underneath my roof.”
You figured there were worse things that could happen, she could find your stash, she could take your vape, she could ground you or make you go to school.
“Okay.”
Your mom nodded, happy she had at least won a small battle.
“After lunch.”
You nod again in agreeance, looking down at the caesar salad in front of you and stabbing your fork down onto it, picking up the different pieces of lettuce and chicken scattered throughout.
You make it through half the meal before you grab your bowl and pick it up, walking into the kitchen to do you washing up, your mom follows behind you, her bowl empty.
You take the dish from her, cleaning it out and stacking both of them in the dishwasher, knowing whats to come now.
You slow yourself down on the stairs giving her the time to follow behind you as she dragged her bad leg up every individual stair.
Leah had been putting in hours everyday for her rehab, it was her main focus, over everything else.
Eventually the two of you made it to the top of the stairs, and eventually to your bedroom door.
You hesitated before opening it, you couldn’t remember the last time Leah had been inside it, way before her acl, ever since she’d gotten injured she’d been avoiding the staircase.
You opened the door, hand pausing on the cold metal doorknob for a split second before pushing it open.
Your room was still freezing, you didn’t miss how your mother shivered from the breeze that hit her face immediately, coming straight from the open window.
“Jesus kiddo, you trying to replicate antarctica in here? You know I pay good money for heating, right?”
It’s a lighthearted joke, yet somehow it hurts for you, you don’t know how or why, you just know that it does.
“I like it cold.”
Leah looks at you, both brows furrowed inwards.
“Alright then polar bear.”
You try not to flinch away when her hand reaches up to ruffle your hair, it’s something she’s done to you since you were a kid, it feels wrong now though.
“Let’s just get this over and done with.”
You walk over to your windowsill, reaching behind the curtain and reaching for the bag of joints that you have stashed behind the material. Leah frowns as you walk back over to her, shoving the bag into her hands before she can even ask.
“This is all of them?”
She looks completely unconvinced, you probably would be too, most kids don’t give up their drugs willingly.
“Yes.”
Leah looks at you, eye to eye, like she’s trying to reach into your soul, or read your mind.
“Bubba, this is your chance, I’m giving you an opportunity to be straight with me, and whatever you tell me or give me I won’t be mad about. I might want to sit down and question your decisions, but I won’t be mad. Teenagers are stupid, they make mistakes, they try new things, I get it. Be honest with me bubba, please.”
You didn’t really know what Leah was insinuating, but it was clear that she knew there was a bigger picture here.
“That’s it mom.”
You had to tear your eyes away from her, you couldn’t handle the way that she was looking at you, the mix of disappointment, resentment and worry mixed into her blue irises.
“Bubba, don’t make me search your room, don’t make me have to ground you, don’t make me have to call Jord and get her to turn the car around to help me out.”
You brought your eyes back to Leah’s.
“That’s it mom, I don’t know what you want me to tell you, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
You were lying through your teeth and the fact you couldn’t look eye to eye with Leah would have been enough of a warning sign of that.
“Drugs bubba, that’s what I’m talking about, you’re lying straight to my fucking face right now, I don’t know what about or why but you are.”
You didn’t know what to say, you weren’t going to admit it, you couldn’t, but you needed to say something.
Fuck, you were so fucked.
You tried to spin it in your head, tried to think about how you could make this work out. You were caught, you were done, this was bad.
Your eyes darted to below your bed, rookie fucking mistake.
Leah caught your line of sight, and you knew as soon as she did that it was all about to go to fucking shit, that you were done for.
“Lia.”
Your mom’s voice was urgent, a yell that had the swiss woman bounding up the stairs in a matter of seconds.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
You were so fucking fucked.
You were frozen in your spot, your mom’s eyes looking at you like she’d just been stabbed in the heart.
“Bubba, you can get whatever you are hiding from me or I will get Lia to tear this whole room a part, I’m not fucking around.”
You felt torn down the middle, your brain couldn’t think, you felt the same sickness sink in from this morning, instead of it being withdrawals from drugs though it was the realisation that your whole life was about to be turned upside down.
You tried to think, tried to think about how you could spin this, make it a little bit better than it really was.
Lia looked more uncomfortable then possible, you wished a blackhole would randomly pop up and swallow all three of you.
Something hit you, it wasn’t a full resolution but it was better than what you currently had going for you.
You walked over to your bed, with unsteadier legs then last night when you were so drunk the world was spinning, crouching down when you got to the edge, feeling for the familiar container that held all of your deepest darkest secrets, or at least that’s how it felt.
It took you back to a time when you’d made Leah check under your bed everynight for the monsters under your bed, now though she was looking for the monsters in your head, the monsters that had turned her little perfect girl into whatever you were now.
Your hand eventually met the hard plastic, you pulled it out, biting down on the inside of your cheek as you stood up and sat down on the edge of your bed.
Leah took a couple steps closer to you, standing directly in front of you.
“Look, it’s not mine, I only did it twice, my friends bought it over, I swear.”
Half of it was true.
“Open the box, bubba.”
You felt your throat tighten, you felt like you were going to vomit, or pass out, or have a heart attack.
“Mom, I didn’t want to, I don’t even like it, I just did it because my friends were, I swear.”
It was also another half truth.
“Bubba, open the box.”
You bit down even harder on the inside of your cheek, reaching for the edge of the plastic box and opening it, revealing the two baggies of white powder inside of it.
Leah’s face fell, in a way that you’d never seen, you’d seen her disappointed before, this wasn’t it, it was something else entirely and you weren’t sure what.
“Bubba.”
Your mom was a overly emotional person, you couldn’t handle her crying right now though, you couldn’t do it, you couldn’t deal with her pretending she gave a shit when this was the first time in months that it felt like she cared, and it was all because of Jordan, not on her own volition.
“I swear mom, I swear, it’s not mine, I promise.”
It wasn’t a lie, it hadn’t started out as yours, you’re friends had left it behind after a weekend hangout and had never asked for it back, so it technically wasn’t yours, technically.
“Bubba, what is it?”
Leah reached for the box, picking up the two bags, the bags that you felt like held your whole life together.
“Cocaine, it’s just a little bit of coke, my friends were using it before parties, I didn’t like it, it made me feel dizzy and it hurt my head.”
The cocaine bit was a lie, but the fact you didn’t like cocaine wasn’t, it was the kind of stimulant which put you into over drive, the high lasted no where near as long and it made you feel like you weren’t making sense.
You were hoping she would believe the cocaine, inevitably, cocaine was a pissy drug. Leah would have been at thousands of parties were cocaine was handed around, hell, you were fairly certain your mother had taken plenty of it. Cocaine was less addictive, good cocaine was also stupidly expensive, the value of it was fucked. Meth was cheap but a thousand times more addictive, cocaine was a better like.
“Lia, get rid of it.”
Your mom handed the bag of joints over to Lia, as well as the bags of drugs, shoving them into her hands like they were burning her hands.
“I don’t even know what to say to you bubba.”
Your mom looked genuinely at a loss for words, her eyes kept darting between your eyes and your hands, which were shaking in front of you.
“Mom, I promise, it was only a one time thing, really, I was just keeping it for my friends.”
As soon as the tears started spilling down Leah’s face you knew it was about to get bad.
She walked over to your desk, pulling the chair out from it and dragged it across the room until it was directly in front of you, your mother taking a seat.
Her hands came out to rest on your knees, they were shaking like yours, not as badly but still shaking, though for different reasons you assumed.
“You told me the weed was a one time thing, that was a lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore, you’ve put me in a impossible situation, bubba. On one hand, I want to believe you. I want to believe the kid I raised, on the other hand you haven’t given me reason to. You broke my trust, you lied to me, you broke the house rules. I don’t ask a lot of you, I let you get away with more than your ma would let you, and I was fine with it because you were showing me you were a good kid, but now I honestly don’t know what to think. You told me it was just the vapes, I thought you were using a little bit to much nicotine and now it turns out that you’re smoking pot and doing drugs. You’ve been hiding and lying and I just don’t get why. Why bubba? Tell me why.”
Big tears were dripping from your mothers eyes, big, wet, fat tears pooling in her icey blue eyes.
“I don’t know, okay? I’m sorry mom, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry. I love you, I didn’t mean it, it was just some fun, it was a one time thing, I promise.”
Leah pursed her lips, the same way you were, the sleeve of her shirt was pressed to her face, picking up the tears that were dripping down her jaw.
“I’m going to go and call your ma, this is a discussion we need to be having together, I need her here for this.”
Little did they know how bad it really was.
Leah stood up, you thought she would just leave, heading back down to make a call to your ma that would inevitably change your life, instead, she sat down next to you, her arms opening up.
You leaned into her side, letting her wrap both of her arms around you.
“I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry.”
It was the only thing you could think of saying, the only thing that sounded right coming off the tip of your tongue.
“I love you so much my beautiful girl, we’ll figure this out, your ma and I, we’re all going to figure this out.”
Leah held onto you for a little bit longer, her arms tightening onto you like you were holding her down to earth, like she would float away if she didn’t.
Eventually she let go, her face was puffy and red, her sleeves were red and she sounded all sniffly.
“I’m going to go and phone Jord, we’re going to sort it all out, we’ll figure this out, okay? We’re both here for you, we both love you so much, you’re our little girl.”
You found it weird how easy it slipped off of her tongue, you wondered if she actually believed that she meant it, you wondered if when your mother said it that she meant it without really meaning it. There were words but there were no actions to support those words, just empty syllables and letters all formed together in a intricate lie.
You watched as Leah limped her way out of your room, her bad leg trailing behind her good one, rule number one of parenting a child you now know is drug addicted, never leave them alone in a room they can escape from when you’ve just confronted them.
#woso#woso community#sammykworshipper thoughts#leah williamson#arsenal wfc#leah williamson x reader#jordan nobbs x reader#jordan and leah#jordan nobbs#wobbs breakup#its painful#trauma dumping#tears were shed#woso imagine#woso angst#sammykworshipperfics#pain sweet pain#fluff is coming#maybe
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how could i ever (treat my baby that way)
| leah williamson x reader
| angst
| 4.7k
| inspo: never keeping secrets by babyface
| a/n: got this ask a long ass time ago and it's finally gone somewhere. this is part one to a two part fic!
(read part ii here)
~~~
You’d think that between the chilly air coming out of the air conditioning in the room and the freezing cold drink in your hand that you’d be comfortably cool, body not overheating despite being in a slightly crowded bar.
You hoped that would be the case, just like it had been many times before. Yet, the way your body was burning right now contrasted your prayers, unusual for you, yet not surprising given the circumstances.
You knew you were pissed, could nearly feel the steam coming out of your own ears before your emotions could even make themselves known. It sucked, having to accept your fate, letting yourself get more and more agitated at the sight in front of you, hand tightening on your glass, fingertips white. But that’s all you could do, invisible rope holding you back, keeping your hands tied, the artist no other than the one you loved.
Letting your eyes drift over to the blonde, your blonde, in the middle of the dance floor, your jaw tightened.
You knew she was yours, the two of you having been together for over a year now. You knew she was yours, your apartment being the one she resided in the most. You knew she was yours, ‘I love you’s’ whispered in the mingled breathes you shared late into the night. You knew she was yours. So why didn’t it feel like it?
Your unwavering gaze, almost like two laser beams, focused on your girlfriend, mentally begging her to look your way, to see the hurt in your eyes.
Taking a deep breath to try (and fail) to calm yourself down, you quickly downed the rest of your drink, thankful to have gone the sober route tonight. You didn’t know what drunk you would’ve done in all this hurt, and you surely didn’t want to find out.
Contemplating whether you should swim your way through the sea of people to the bar, you waited. You waited, and waited, and waited, pleading to the universe that she would meet your eyes.
She didn’t look.
Not a single glance was sent your way.
She didn’t care.
Shaking your head, anger quickly turning into disappointment, then sadness, you stepped out of where you were in the corner, having preferred to stay back by the booth as the rest of the girls enjoyed their night.
Making your way over to the bar, you ordered yourself a water, hoping it would soothe the ache in your chest.
Downing half of it as soon as the bartender passed it to you, you turned, eyes once again finding purchase on your girlfriend subconsciously.
You watched as she danced with the Chelsea player unashamedly, almost proudly, as if she didn’t have a girlfriend to go home to at the end of the night.
Naive and infatuated, you had never bothered to consider the difference between private and secret back when the idea was suggested to you. Now? Now you utterly resented the distinction between the two words.
Feeling the hair on the back on your neck rising however, you blinked out of your thoughts, quickly zoning back into real life, scanning the room for the cause before ocean eyes met yours.
Leah.
The blonde was finally looking right at you, the girl in front of her continuing to dance in close proximity, her eyes closed- too gone with the music, to notice her distracted partner.
Raising an eyebrow in silent question, you waited.
You waited for a reaction, an apologetic smile, a mouthed sorry. Something to show she realized how her actions were hurting you. Anything.
You waited a second, then another, and then another.
Instead you got nothing, a continued blank look shot your way as she continued looking at you, head tilted.
You were well aware you didn’t have to say much, nearly a year of being in a relationship, a little over two of living together meant she knew you- quite well too, if you had an opinion on the matter.
In this moment though, it felt like not enough.
All the memorized takeout orders, her awareness on how you liked your coffee, what your moods were and how to best comfort you in your lows- her knowing all of that didn’t matter if she couldn’t understand how absolutely heartbroken you felt right now, watching her keep away from you, dance with another body that wasn’t yours, marking a win that you both shared, but only one of you were celebrating.
It didn’t matter if she didn’t realize she was hurting you.
Bringing your drink towards your chest, you ducked your forehead down, letting the cool glass bring you some reprieve to your growing headache, no doubt caused by heartache.
Wanting nothing more than to leave, teammates be damned- this night was over for you long ago- you placed the glass back on the bar top, thanking the woman behind it once again before heading over to the team’s table.
Quickly grabbing your coat, confident that Leah could find her way home- not out of malice but with the staggering number of your shared friends, teammates, and rival players in the club- you bid adieu to Steph and Kim, the only two by the table, citing a tired body as your excuse.
Exiting the stifling atmosphere and slipping into the cool air, you took a deep breath in, forcing your shoulders to relax in an attempt to convince yourself you were okay.
Well aware that Leah’s eyes had followed you out, you committed the sound of only your footfalls in the late night into memory, eyes stinging, shaky breaths escaping you.
Beginning the trek home, your apartment not too far, you let yourself get lost in your thoughts.
~~~
It’s much, much, later when you hear the unmistakable jingle of Leah’s keys by your front door- three forty-three am to be exact.
You weren’t surprised to hear her here. It was very much expected in fact, the blonde spending nearly all her days and nights here since quarantine started, not bothering to move out once you had made things official.
Sighing at the fact that you hadn’t slept a wink since you had reached home, not for a lack of trying but for having to console your dejected heart, you internally groaned at the thought of dealing with a drunk Leah.
Putting your grief aside for the time being and rising out of bed, you rubbed the tiredness out of your eyes and padded over to the kitchen just as Leah stumbled into the entry hallway in front of you.
Taking in the sight before you, you sighed warily.
The blonde looked absolutely disheveled- hair matted to her forehead but sticking out everywhere, heels in her hand, and exhaustion pouring out of her eyes.
Watching her stagger blindly towards the island, you quickly put an arm around her waist, leading her to sit on a barstool as you silently grabbed her some water.
Placing the glass in front of her, you turned, planning to head into your shared bedroom to get a set of clothes for the midfielder to change into when her groggy voice interrupted your actions, derailing your thoughts.
“You left early…”
The accusatory tone wasn’t lost on you, your defences immediately going up.
Baffled at how it was your behaviour being questioned, you shook your head in shock.
“I did,” you state matter-of-factly, turning to face her.
You paused for a second, waiting to see what the blonde would say next, already on edge from the rollercoaster of emotions from today.
“Why?”
The question put you in a state of incredulity, your anger and hurt resurfacing.
“Why? You’re really asking me why?” Your voice came out louder than you would’ve liked, given the time, but you didn’t pay much mind.
“Leah, you spent the whole night getting cozy with another girl. The whole night! While I was there! And you’re asking me why I left early?”
“We were just dancing…it’s not like I was making out with her in the middle of the dance floor.” The slurred words combined with the eye-roll from the defender had you shaking your head. “It was completely platonic.”
You couldn’t believe this.
“You’re joking right? Or did you get a concussion mid-game that I don’t know about?”
“Relax... just because you can’t go a few hours without me doesn’t mean I have to do the same.”
The slurred words coupled with the nonchalant tone with which Leah expressed herself caused you to lose your breath for a second, mind baffled.
“Did you-,” collecting yourself for a second, you asked her, “…did you just call me clingy?”
Swallowing hard in the silence that followed, you felt your stomach sink.
“You’re really calling me clingy?” The shakiness in your voice made itself known, disbelief becoming apparent.
“It was friendly.” You watched as Leah turned her body away from you, choosing to rest her head on the cool countertop in order to find some relief from her probable headache.
“Was it? You want me to go fucking drape myself all over Millie the next we go out with the United team? Let me know if you feel ‘clingy’ then?” Voice rising more than quiet words once more, you took a step back, trying to put space between you and the other girl.
“Oh come on it wasn’t that big of a deal…”
You would have agreed it this hadn’t happened so often, so many times in the past- tonight being your tipping point.
There had already been multiple team events where the blonde stayed the furthest away from you, never bothering to celebrate your goals with you, avoiding any physical contact, almost as if it burned her to be near you. Hiding away any photos you took together, platonic or romantic, in her phone, them never once leaving her library.
You didn’t know how much more of this you could take, really.
Ignoring that she couldn’t see you, you shook your head at Leah. Clenching your jaw, you decided to forego taking care of the blonde like you had planned.
“Great, then neither will be you going to bed alone tonight,” you scoffed.
You saw the midfielder immediately shoot up into a sitting position from her slumped state, eyes wide, body tense.
“We haven’t slept apart since the pandemic, you know that,” her timid voice echoed in the dark apartment.
It was true. You’d both had gotten lucky since and had even been paired up for the handful of times the team had stayed in a hotel, the only time spent apart being during international breaks.
“Well I feel like I was too clingy earlier so I wanna give you space now, since you so clearly crave that.”
“Babe…”
Well aware that you were too upset to think rationally, you continued ignored Leah’s pleas. Turning on your heel, you started to make your way to grab your pillow and head to the guest room, choosing to kick yourself out rather than disturb the midfielder.
Hearing footfalls behind you, you shook your head as you continued on your path.
“Leah, go to bed. I’m sleeping alone and that’s final.” Your voice came out cold, almost stoic.
The blonde reached for your hand, fingertips barely skimming yours as you harshly pulled your arm to your chest, cradling it.
“Leah I fucking mean it.”
Shoulders dropping, the blonde dejectedly agreed, too out of it to protest again.
Hearing a lack of footsteps behind your own as you made your way across the hall, you shuddered as your heart sank deeper, the weight in your chest settling torturously.
Why did love hurt?
~~~
You didn’t know it but Leah’s miserable the next few days without you. She’s well aware she’d put her foot in her mouth far enough, dug her own grave, but she misses you terribly anyways.
She misses your hugs in the morning and how you’d let her cuddle you as you cooked breakfast. She misses your kisses and the way you’d randomly just come sit with her during your free time. She misses you being around her, you always hyper, your energy infectious, always brightening her moods. She especially missed your mere presence, you now never spending more time than needed in the same room as her now, instead electing to leave for practice much earlier than needed, picking up takeout and eating in your room, doing anything and everything to ensure you both would never cross paths for longer than a handful of seconds.
The distance between you had been so noticeable that it didn’t take the team long to catch on, the way you didn’t gravitate to Leah at every given chance during training a stark contrast to your regular shenanigans.
It had gotten to the point where the team had even been too scared to ask you directly, your frustration clear enough on the pitch with how hard you trained, interactions with the rest of your teammates minimizing as well.
It’s why Beth and Lia had quietly confronted Leah, both uneasy at what had changed between you both.
“You two okay? She keeps avoiding you at practice, and to be honest, it’s slightly worrisome…” Lia’s voice trailed off as her, Beth, and Leah made it back towards the locker rooms post-practice.
Taking a quick look over her shoulder, not finding you trailing behind, Leah faced the Swiss captain, voice dropping lower.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. She’s just going through some personal stuff. She’ll be okay…”
The ‘I hope so’ went unsaid, but the way Leah’s pitch rose at the end of the statement had the two other player’s eyebrows raising in silent question, thoughts they both chose not to voice on the tip of their tongues.
Nodding in response, the trio continued their walk in silence, no one wanting to push too hard.
Unsaid or not, all three knew that nothing was fine, Leah more so than the others, and it scared her immensely.
~~~
Stress clear on her face, Leah sprinted off the pitch after the game against Chelsea, chasing you down the tunnel before the rest of the team had even left the field.
Catching up to your tired body, she grabbed your hand and pulled you in the opposite direction to a more secluded spot, uncaring of how drained you absolutely were.
Too tired from the past few days to refute, you let yourself be pulled.
When the blonde figured you two had made it far enough down the tunnel to talk without being heard, she quickly turned on her heel, stopping and looking at you, face screwed in displeasure.
“What the fuck was that on the field today? Why were you so aggressive?! You got carded for fuck’s sake- you don’t get carded…ever!”
Sighing, barely scrounging up the energy for the conversation, you closed your eyes, pulling your arm away from her hold.
“I played the game. That’s what I did. Fouls are part of the game,” Your voice was rigid, no fight in you, not after how horribly you’d been sleeping as of late, the argument from nights ago not only affecting the blonde.
“You played dangerously, that’s what you did! You were irresponsible, careless, and…and reckless! Not to mention selfish! Do you know how much of a difficult situation it would’ve been had you got a red? And with the way that referee was calling fouls, it’s a miracle you didn’t!”
You could’ve gotten hurt. The words go unsaid.
By now the blonde was nearly yelling, face red from frustration.
Please just let me go.
Biting the inside of your cheek to stay calm, you sighed again.
“Game’s over either way. I didn’t get a red and we won…I don’t see a problem here.” Your voice curt, you made a move to step past the midfielder.
You didn’t get far however, the other girl’s hand coming to grasp your wrist to prevent you from stepping away any further.
Stopping briefly in your tracks, you didn’t turn. You couldn’t. You couldn’t because if you did, she’d see the tears that were threatening to fall, heart exhausted.
Instead, you shake your head, tugging your arm out of her grasp and bringing it to cautiously wipe away the few tears that had escaped.
Watching your figure walk away, Leah’s face fell at your lack of care.
Dejectedly, she followed you, a fair distance away. Making her own way to the change rooms with a flurry of thoughts in her head and an ache in her chest, she swallowed the lump in her throat.
She couldn’t even blame anyone but herself.
~~~
Entering the locker room, Leah took a quick look around, the rest of the team nearly showered and changed out of their kits, save for you.
Ignoring Lia and Katie’s questioning, the blonde walked over to her locker and began to get ready to shower.
Lucky that this was a home game, Leah knew she could take her time.
Taking a quick shower, she tried to casually wait for you to finish up- well aware that you were trying to drag out your own shower, hoping that you wouldn’t cross paths with your girlfriend (ex?- you didn’t really know.)
The Gunner relented however, making up a lame excuse at Beth’s plea for her to join her on the walk out.
Patiently sitting, nearly alone in the locker room as she watched the rest of the girls file out, she waited.
She waited as the patter of water ran longer than usual.
She waited as she slowly heard it come to a stop, an eerie silence consuming the room.
She waited as you finally stepped out minutes later, wet hair tied in a messy but, club gear resting comfortably on your frame.
She waited as you realized she was still here, eyes widening as a quiet fuck escaped your lips.
Patience wearing thin now, she stood up, her own bag forgotten as she made her way to you.
“Listen-“
You didn’t even let her finish though, instead cutting her off before another word could be said, your hand held between you to keep a distance.
“Honestly? Save it.”
“No, but-“
Shaking your head, you slipped past her, beginning to quickly throw your dirty kit and toiletries into your kit bag.
Silence covered the room for a moment, only the noises of you angrily packing your kit bag to be heard.
It didn’t last long however, timid words cutting through the tense atmosphere.
“I’m sorry.”
You froze in your spot at your words, your sweaty jersey just barely dangling in your hands as you inhaled sharply.
Collecting yourself, you shook your head, Leah’s words meaning nothing to you.
“Okay.”
The blunt, one word reply of yours hit Leah harder than she anticipated, this not at all how she was expecting this conversation to go.
Swallowing hard, she stepped around you, coming to a stop a short ways away, standing between the door and you.
Wringing her hands nervously, Leah’s voice came out meek, eyes nearly downcast and heart pounding.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
Laughing darkly at the other girl’s words, you stopped your movement again, turning around with your hands resting on your hips, a cold look in your eyes.
“What else do you want me to say?” Clenching your jaw, you gave Leah a blank look.
“I-…”
Raising her eyes to meet you, the skipper straightened her back out, nerves rising as she took note of how rigid your posture was- how distant you were from her despite only being a few feet apart.
As you realized she wasn’t going to say anything, you decided to confront her on what had been on your mind throughout the second half of the game.
“You wanna explain what I heard at half-time? Because I’d really love to hear how you plan to spin this one on me this time…”
The deer-in-headlights look you got in return let you know she knew exactly what you were talking about.
At half time, just as the players were headed back in, a young fan had nearly begged Leah to sign her jersey.
Never one to say no to a supporter of women’s soccer, much less of Arsenal and a young teen, Leah had quickly veered off, making small talk with the girl as she signed and posed for a photo.
Everything had been smooth sailing really, in fact, you watched the whole interaction with a smile on your face as you approached the tunnel.
Too bad good things never lasted.
Just as Leah had been ready to walk away from the stands, the young girl had innocently asked the question that had changed your whole mood.
The high pitched voice asking whether you and Leah were dating had easily carried over to you, repeating in your head since, a broken tape recorder you just couldn’t turn off.
What stuck with you however, was the Gunner’s response- the immediate scoff, zero hesitation or regret on her face as the words ‘absolutely not…she’s not my type’ escaped her. Words that were followed by a shrug and a cheeky grin that haunted you for the second half.
You always had a feeling you weren’t good enough for her, your insecurity a topic of conversation for many nights in the past- nights where the blonde spent countless hours convincing and proving otherwise.
Now though? Now it all felt like a lie- recollections of all those middle-of-the-night cuddles and hushed conversations making your heart heavy with the way her denial of your relationship came so quickly, so easily.
Maybe this wasn’t meant to be, not as much you had wished it was.
Since the start of your relationship, when going out, whether it was with the team or just the two of you, Leah would distance herself from you, never sitting beside you even though she claimed you two were the bestest of friends. Choosing to be anybody else’s partner during media days. Hell, even going as far as standing on the opposite side to you during pre-match photos. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t twist the knife in your chest just a little bit more each time that it happened.
If you were honest, you didn’t know how much bigger you could let the gaping wound get, unsure of whether your heart could handle another twist.
It’s why your next words physically hurt you to say, your voice quiet, its echo ringing in your ears.
“if you’re really that embarrassed of me, maybe we shouldn’t even be together…”
A shiver runs through your spine as you continue to look at Leah.
The admission feels heavy, the bright lights of the room unable to lift the somber mood in the slightest.
You can see a shuddering breath wrack her body at your words, and you can feel the distance between you two growing, mere feet feeling like hundreds of metres, goosebumps rising as the room grows significantly colder.
The reply comes slow, but the intensity, the anger, the defence in her voice at the words nearly knocks you back.
“It’s not like that…”
The words are emotion laced, Leah’s head tilted to the side as her eyes search your face for any indication of what’s on your mind.
“Really? Then what’s it like? Is it just going to be you denying our relationship till the end? Is it just going to be you getting cozy with another girl and calling me clingy and overreactive? Is it just going to be you claiming you’ve done nothing wrong? Telling Lia that I’m going through something?”
Shaking your head, a wry smile crossed your face. “Don’t be surprised- at least Wally cared enough to make sure I was doing okay, y’know? Something you haven’t asked me once.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me near you…” The timid admission had you shaking your head, displeased with her response.
Pinching the bridge of your nose, eyes closing as you tried to hold back your frustration, you spoke.
“Thats the issue Leah….you just don’t fucking know. You don’t know what you want. You don’t know how this relationship is going to work. You don’t know when you want to tell everyone we’re together. You don’t see how much it hurts me every time you deny that we are anything more than teammates, even friends! You just so happen to not know you’re breaking my heart each and every goddamn day!”
Chest heaving in frustration, you swallowed hard, you ears heating up in embarrassment of your outburst, eyes going everywhere but to the girl in front of you.
It’s as you contemplate your next words that the blonde sees your anger turn to sadness, eyes dropping, shoulders sinking.
“You know what? I think- I think we’re done Leah.”
Your voice was a whisper, the words strained, almost as if it cut you to say them.
“I can’t do this. I really can’t…”
“Wait no…”
You shook your head, barely any energy left in you.
“How many times Leah? How many times are we gonna go back and forth like this? How long do I have to wait for you to get on the same page? It’s nearly been a year for fuck’s sake.”
Taking a deep breath, you grab your bag, your eyes firmly trained on the floor as you side step Leah and take off to your car, not once looking back.
If you had though, you would’ve seen the broken way the taller woman stood at the exit, eyes damp, body rigid in shock, fists clenched at her sides as she struggled to process what had just happened.
Being snapped out of her daze at the slam of the door shutting by its own weight, the blonde came back to reality, the weight of your words finally sinking in.
Swallowing hard as the alarm bells went off in her head, she turned on her heel, yanking the door open and running to follow you.
You are nowhere to be found though, she makes her way to the carpark, just to notice you pull out of your spot, not an ounce of hesitation in your actions.
Hearing a pair of footsteps beside her though, ones that were most definitely not yours, Leah tensed at the thought of another person’s presence where you should be standing.
Glancing over to see Lia, the English captain tightened her jaw, closing her eyes in an unsuccessful attempt to hide just how broken she felt right now.
“She told me to give this to you- said something about having an issue to attend to…” The words came out quiet from Lia, your set of keys for Leah’s home in her hold, dangling in the space between the two national captains, nearly mockingly.
Voice dropping an octave, Lia decided she had enough of the wait, eyes growing in concern at her counterpart’s disheveled look.
“Leah what’s going on between you two? She seemed pretty upset leaving…”
Swallowing, the Gunner knew she had her chance to come clean, to finally admit to herself that she hurt you, more than she ever thought she would.
Instead though, she didn’t- the idea of saying out loud that you left her too unbearably painful to speak into existence.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged instead, schooling her own expression into a somewhat relaxed one, “we didn’t talk much in the locker room, she seemed pretty stressed in there.”
Raising her eyebrows, Lia didn’t seem to buy it but she didn’t push and Leah didn’t know whether to feel relieved or not.
Grabbing the keys firmly from the Swiss’ hold, Leah turned towards the locker rooms once more, this time not bothering to wipe her tears as they fell, glad for the lack of footsteps behind her.
With no idea as to where you went or when you would be back, she had no option but to wait and hope it would be soon- soon enough that she could rectify her mistakes and make you hers again- the best thing she ever had, gone, just like that.
~
(read part ii here)
#not proofread sorry folks#not proud of this or how long it took but fuck it we ball#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson#woso#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso community#woso imagine#my writing#fic req#fic#hcie#angst#idk either man
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𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍'𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 — 𝐋𝐁
## lucy bronze x reader !!
Enjoy this cheeky little something something while I perfect the next chapter of ‘OFF LIMITS’.. This is probably my favourite thing I've written in a while, as well as the longest too! Love always! - RG! x
can you tell im a sucker for a ‘forbidden love’ type fic? contains: softtop!lucy. age!gap but i promise its entirely legal. thigh riding, fingering, praise, finger sucking.
3.3k words.
CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT & LANGUAGE 18+
“I swear on my life Leah, It isn’t a big deal!”
“And I swear on my life, I will volley him over the bar!” She slurred, pointing a firm finger in the direction of the ‘handsy’ bartender. Before the situation could get any more embarrassing, you pushed her away and towards the table with a timid and apologetic smile back in his direction. Alcohol tended to brew confidence in Leah. Her usual calm and quiet demeanour slipping away with every sip of her drink throughout the night.
You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head and patting her shoulder. “Sit down, before you get yourself in trouble.” You mumbled, raising your eyebrows to the other girls who sat around the table as Leah slumped herself next to Alex and started ranting. The other girls were tucked neatly around the booth - all of their faces plastered with an amused look as they watched on, disregarding their own conversations to try and listen in.
Most of her words were drowned out by the music, bass bouncing off the walls. From what you could hear, a slightly tipsy Leah had read the situation wrong - assuming the bartender had started flirting and ‘pushing his luck’ as she put it, when you had leaned in to hear him better. You shook your head and tried to stifle a laugh when she started defending herself, encouraged by the rest of the group who were highly entertained by the whole thing.
Leah was a funny drunk, a table-top dancer, shot-encourager and very clearly protective. It was admirable, but so funny. It was funnier, however, listening to her explain to the rest of the group. Her voice cracking and jumping octaves as she tried to shout over the music - throat becoming hoarse.
You stood from the booth after a few minutes, leaning across the back of the booth to pat Alex’s shoulder, bringing your lips into a tight line and holding in your laughs as she you left her stranded with a fuming, blonde companion. Making your escape and b-lining for the dance floor, where the rest of your friends were.
Leah, by nature is protective. The captain of the team, and now headed towards being a european champion. But before all of this, she was a big sister. Your big sister. You were only a year and a half younger but she made it her life mission to protect you and this wasn’t a role she took lightly. She looked after you, steering you out of harms way and at times, getting herself in trouble instead. Just like tonight.
You had been around football, and most of the girls, for a majority of your life. It was Leah’s passion, and it filled you with pride as she got to live her childhood dream. As a result, you and the rest of her teammates had spent a lot of time together - and you got on like a house on fire.
You went to most training sessions, filming content. You went to almost all matches, and her friends quickly became your friends. So when the group had gone out for celebrations, following the match that shot them straight into the semi- finals, naturally you were invited along.
You were now in the midst of the crowd of bodies. Drink in hand and arm in the air as everyone sang, no massacred, a Kings of Leon banger. Stomping their feet and dancing along, screaming. You were stood laughing between Lucy and Jordon - who were surprisingly joining in the chorus, arms strung around each other.
Waiting until the song ended and the room filled with cheers to poke your head between them both, shouting “Can I steal Lucy for a sec, mate?” Jordon simply laughed, leaning back in to reply with an ‘of course’ and shuffling away towards another group of the girls.
Before you could speak, her mouth was pressed to your ear as she tried to reach a hearable volume. “Tenner on your sister two-footing someone tonight!” You couldn’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes and shoving against her.
“That’s because you lot encourage her!”
“I do not! I simply tell her to express her anger how she sees fit!”
“Oh so in other words, encouraging!” You laughed back, sarcasm lacing your words. Lucy was always easy to talk to, a familiar face. Leah and Jordan spent a lot of time together, which meant Leah, Jordan and Lucy spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t unusual to find the three scattered around the living room on a Sunday, practically dead to the world, often after a particularly messy night.
“Tenner that we’ll be the ones carrying her back to her room later as well!” You added, clinking your glasses together as another song reeled through the speakers - greeted by a crowd of screams and cheers.
—————————
You were right, though you always were when it came to Leah. Now you stood inside the lift, Leah with one arm draped over your shoulder and the other over Lucy’s. You both tried to hold her up as best you could, which was hard when she was pretty much falling asleep between you.
It felt like three hours had passed when the three of you, four if you included an also drunk Jordon who was trailing behind the group with her head tucked into her phone, had finally made it their shared room. Scanning Leah’s key-card and dragging her through the door and getting her on the bed.
Fifteen minutes later, her makeup was off and pjs on. Though that was mostly the work of you, physically having to peel her clothes off of her body and replace them without any help on her end as she dead-weighted against you. You did all this while Lucy put her phone on charge, and made sure she had a water bottle beside her bed for the night.
When you had finally put her to bed, Lucy spoke up from behind you. “Does this mean I owe you a tenner?” you scoffed at her remark, turning to face her.
“If that was the case, you owe me about a grand in bets since we met!”
“Oi, don’t even! I have definitely paid that back in all the takeaways I buy you and your bloody sister!”
“Touché, Bronze,” you grumbled back, turning to place a kiss on Leah’s forehead and say goodnight to Jordan, who was laid beside her and almost asleep before you had even left the room.
When you got outside and shut the door behind you, you looked towards Lucy to thank her for her help and apologise for ripping her away from the party, but were met with her hand already lifted to stop you. “Don’t even say it, you know I don’t mind.”
You smiled at her, taking a deep breath and checking the time on your phone. “Shit, I need to get an uber. I’ll text you in the morning?” You said, looking up periodically from your phone whilst typing in your address.
“Why don’t you just stay here? I don’t think I like the idea of you in a taxi alone this late,” She started, checking the time on her phone. “It’s past 2, absolutely not.” She confirmed, shaking her head and pulling out her own key-card. “Just stay with me. I’ll get you a taxi in the morning,”
“It’s fine! I’ll just hop in with the girls-”
“If Leah finds out I let you get in a taxi, she will actually punch me in the face.”
“You do have a point..”
The pair of you had started walking through the hall by this point, still arguing lowly at the idea of you in a taxi alone. Lucy didn’t take no for an answer, swiping her card and unlocking her room. “If you don’t go and get in that bed right now I will call your mother.” She pressed, teasing. Her accent seemed to get thicker with the presence of alcohol in her system.
“Oh really..” You shot back folding your arms together across your chest, challenging her. You watched as she fumbled with her phone, mumbling some sarcastic comment under breath while pulling up your mum’s contact and hovering her finger over the call button.
“Don’t make me wake Amanda up..”
“Fine!” You caved, scurrying into the room and holding your hands up in defence. She followed close behind, pleased with herself and shutting the door behind her.
Once in the room you sat on the bed, undoing your shoes and chucking them in some direction away from you - you didn’t care, as long as they were off. You got up to wash your face, wincing when the soles of your feet met flat on the floor. “Fucking heels,” You whispered, walking to the bathroom in a huff.
When you emerged back into the room, Lucy was already changed. Shorts and a sports bra now adorning her tanned body, you had to shake yourself out of the moment as you stared at her back. Admiring the toned muscles as she dug through her suitcase, turning briefly to throw something towards you.
“Put that on,” It was short, but sounded sweet and made you smile internally. Turning back towards the bathroom to strip and put the shirt she had given you on. It was a football top with ‘BRONZE’ plastered across the back of your shoulders, but it did the job and was comfier than your outfit previously.
You stood in the bathroom for a few moments, pulling your hair into a ponytail before shutting off the light and making your way back to the bed. “Left or right?” You questioned.
“What?” She looked at you, her glasses now perched on the bridge of her nose snd you swore you felt your insides shift.
“Uh- Side of the bed? Left or right?” You stammered, pointing towards the sheets.
“Whatever tickles your fancy, I don’t have a side,” She shrugged back, trying to contain her smirk when she caught you looking at her for a second too long.
You made a fake disgusted face back to her, scrunching your nose. “You’re such a freak, who doesn’t have a side of the bed?”
“Me, obviously.” She retorted, rolling her eyes sarcastically.
You had opted for the side closest to the window, walking around the bed with your back to Lucy. She had to stop herself from audibly groaning at the sight of her name printed across your shoulder blades, unable to tear her eyes away. Lucy would be lying if she said she didn’t find you attractive, because you were and she did.
When you had rounded the bed, you pulled at the linens. Yanking them up and over your body as you got comfortable in the bed, sinking into the mattress and sighing when your head hit the pillow - facing the other side of the bed which was yet to be occupied.
—————————
The bed dipped beside you after a few minutes,and Lucy shuffled under the covers next to you after faffing about the room. Flicking the light switch above her bedside table to turn off the lights, your phone now the main source of light.
You lowered your phone to shine in her face, smiling when you were greeted with a smile. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a Williamson in my bed,” She quipped, winking dramatically as you faked a gag.
“Gross! I’m going to tell then you told me that,” you replied, laughing and turning to place your phone on the table beside you. You faced the window, the curtains closed but still allowing some light from a lamp outside to peak through. With your back now to Lucy, she had a full view of her name once again. “Goodnight Lucia..” You whispered into the dark, sighing contently into the silence.
“Goodnight,” She replied, still scanning your back. Noticing how the shirt sat bunched above your hips, revealing a slither of your back and the lace of your underwear - sucking in a breath at the sight alone. You felt her hand skim gently across the letters on the top, smiling into your pillow.
She had gotten closer, her arm now slung across your waist and holding you against her. Time had passed but still you were awake, and you knew she was too. The loud thrumming in your chest prohibiting any chance of sleep, when you felt her presence beside your ear.
You could feel her breath on your neck as she leaned in towards you slowly, whispering a small “Is this okay?” as her lips lingered over the skin below your ear, awaiting your answer. You nodded and she moved closer, pressing her lips against your neck softly.
They were tender but calculated and you breathed heavily out into the room when she kissed along your shoulder, dragging her teeth over the material of her jersey. You waited a few more minutes before turning over to face her, flushed. Taking a deep breath and looking into her eyes, your faces were close. Closer than you realised. So close you could see every groove, every line and feature. Lips no more than centimetres apart.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please.”
That was all she needed, bringing her lips to press against yours. Hand still gripping your waist and guiding your frame to lay flush against hers as your hands moved to cup the back of her neck and head, lips moving in sync.
The next few minutes were a blur of movement and small, breathy giggles and now you sat on her lap - straddling the top of her thighs with your mouths still connected. The kiss was now a mixture of desperation and yearning, hands grabbing at whatever skin they could find beneath the sheets.
Her head dipped, kissing and nipping at the skin of your jaw and along your throat. You couldn’t help but whimper when her teeth grazed a particularly sensitive patch of skin, right where your neck and collar bone met. You could feel her smirk against you, which only made the feeling in the pit of your stomach worse.
—————————
You had tried to remove your top, well her top, but were met with a protest telling you to keep it on. Her skin on fire at the thought of you wearing her name as you sat now desperate on top of her.
Your hair was now down, and one of her hands sat roughly in the roots. Tugging at the stands to guide you against her mouth, when she felt you start to rock your hips against her. Eliciting a guttural moan from the back of her throat.
She used the hand still on your waist to slow your movement to a stop, moving to lift you up and over until you straddled one of her thighs. The only barrier between you both was your underwear, and when you shifted your weight she felt your wetness graze against her. Smirking and pulling away to look at your face.
“You wanna ride my thigh, darling?” She whispered, eyes locked on yours as you enthusiastically nodded. Eyes glazed over, and eyebrows furrowed with need. She smiled at the action, moving her fingers to push your underwear aside and lift her thigh to meet your warmth. Groaning when she felt you coat her thigh.
You moaned at the contact, your clit already sensitive and throbbing. You didn’t know how she did it, how she had you wrapped around her finger and laying in the palm of her hand but you loved every second of it. Mouth falling agape when she began guiding you up and down the length of her thigh, rocking your hips against her.
“Does that feel good baby?” She asked from your neck, her lips stopping their sloppy kisses for a second. You whimpered in response, nodding slowly. Her hand met your jaw in a swift but gentle motion, pulling you to focus on her. “Use your words, love.”
“Yes it feels good, Luce..” You whispered, licking your lips. Head falling back as you worked her thigh, the sound of your wetness protruding through the quiet of the room and accompanied by the sound of laboured breathing from below you.
“Good girl..” She added, jaw clenched when she attached her lips to your neck again. You savoured the feeling, the delicious feeling as you dragged yourself against her skin moving to tuck your head into her neck.
“Need more, Luce..”
“Hm? What’s that?” She was egging you on, hands moving to squeeze at the flesh of your thighs. Helping you rut against her.
“Want your fingers..” You confessed, dragging your own teeth along her shoulder now - biting down against the skin when you felt your face flush.
She had you flipped in seconds, now towering over you as you laid flat against the bed helping her shimmy your underwear off. Once gone, she spread your legs - moaning at the sight of your juices dripping and now covering the inners of your thighs. You blushed at the sound, biting your lip to muffle any noises you were concerned about making in response.
You felt her fingers next, sweeping through your folds and drawing tight circles around your clit. Moaning when she pressed the pads of her fingers harder into the bundle of nerves, finding it humorous as your body responded to her touch.
“Please,” You begged, hips rising off the bed in a desperate act for more friction. She shut the down quickly, using her free hand to pin your hips back to the mattress.
“Please what, darling..” Lucy stalled, slowing down to an unbearable speed. “What do you want..?” She added lowly, coaxing you out of your shell.
“Want you to fuck me.. Please..” You squirmed, knees now bent and sat on either side of your hips - inviting her in. You felt as she slowly and carefully slipped in a single finger, watching your face contort before she added another.
Stretching you out perfectly and starting to move them methodically inside you. Pulling out the perfect amount before pushing them back inside, curling up against your tight walls to press against your g-spot.
Her pace and pressure increased with the volume of your sultry moans, back arched into her touch and face buried in your arms as her fingers pressed perfectly inside of you. Bringing her thumb to toy with your clit, salivating as she watched you take her.
She could feel you squeezing around her fingers, becoming breathless as you chased your orgasm - chest rising with every thrust of her fingers. “You gonna cum for me?” She asked, her free hand lifting to the side of your face to force you into eye contact.
“Y-Yes,” You stuttered, eyes rolling into the back of your head when her fingers curled. Mouth hung open and hips riding against her fingers.
“Show me how you cum, baby..”
That was all it took for you, orgasm crashing through your body and shaking through your limbs. Legs thrashing around her hand as you came, back arched and screaming out her name - which caused her to smirk, watching you intensely.
Lucy let you ride it out, only stilling her thrusts when your back finally laid against the bed again - catching your breath when you heard her chuckle deeply. Bringing her fingers up to your mouth and slipping them past your lips, admiring how you took them and started working against them. Pulling away with a pop when you felt they were clean, and looking up at her.
A deafening silence engulfed the room, as Lucy fell beside you on the bed. She turned on her side to face you and handed you a towel she had grabbed, which you accepted gracefully and did what you could.
“Jesus..” You whispered, testing the air.
“That’s not my name..” She threw back, earning a weak laugh. There was the normal Lucy you had grown to love, you thought whilst lifting your hand to swat at her chest.
“Let’s maybe not tell Leah about this..”
“Agreed.”
#lucy bronze#lionesses#england#oc#forbidden love#slow burn#fake enemies#enemies to lovers#smut with plot#smut with feelings#light angst#leah williamson#fanfition#beth mead#lauren james#rachel daly#lucy bronze smut#jill scott#fran kirby#ella toone#alessia russo#millie bright#mary earps#wlw#first relationship#first lesbian relationship#top!lucy#dom!lucy#lesbian#arsenal
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All that I ask is that you stay with me | Inner Demons
⟫ Alphabet Challenge, A - All that I ask is that you stay with me
Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader
This is some angst that I thought to write because, well, life's been hard recently and I need a creative outlet to get my emotions out on paper and well, this is the result.
It might not be great and it's not been proof-read at all, so uh, yeah... Let me know what you all think but please be kind :)
And if any of you have any ideas of things to write, I'm open to write anything, within reason of course. My asks are open so feel free to drop anything in there :)
The battle with your inner demons are hard. You sometimes wonder if it's better to leave the world, making the decision without the realisation of how loved you are by the team of girls around you.
TW: heavy angst, SH, MH and talks of suicide and death.
"Y/N are you in there? Hurry up, we're about to start the film" The loud voice of Katie shouts aloud from the other side of the closed bathroom door to alert you of your attention.
You were joined by the girls in a classic team bonding night, a good ol' fashioned film to watch with some sugary treats, curtousy of it being a cheat day.
You are always so excited to spend time with the older girls, you all looked up with some much respect, being a part of the team for a while, you'd grown to love the girls like your own family.
Despite how well you fitted in at the club and how amazing you played football, there would always be people to put you down.
And in this case, it was in the forms of social media.
The internet could be a cruel place sometimes.
"Ye... Yeah, alright. J... Just a minute, I'll be right out" You shakily reply as you held the blade out in front of you while it stared back at you, almost like it was almost taunting you to use it.
Old habits are easy to break, you should have knew that.
It wasn't long before you were slumped on the bathroom floor as you watched the crimson liquid trickle down your arms. It felt like a rush of instant relief to the pain that you currently indured.
One small cut to take away the pain, you thought it would be okay.
Two cuts, you just wanted to chase the rush of the first.
Three, four and five, you realise you may have messed up.
You were doing so well, you had been on the right path to get help. that was needed. You had been clean for a numerous amount of days and just in that instant, the snap of a finger and all of that progress, had just been so easy to unwravle again.
You found it so easy to take a hold of the blade in your hand, press it against your wrist and pierce the skin.
It was a feeling of euphoria that you hadn't felt in a while, it was something that was needed.
The cuts were deep, too deep that even with added pressure, they wouldn't stop bleeding.
"Is this the end now?" You had to question yourself as your eyelids felt heavy, you were so tired and you didn't have it in you to fight anymore.
Was it really that easy to leave a world full of heartache and pain?
Maybe so,
At least you had thought that as you hear the sudden loud bang of the bathroom flying open and clashing against the wall.
"Y/N!" It was Leah's shrill voice that screams out in a panic, her eyes widened in fear as she stares at you. "Y/N, can you hear me?!" she questions with a a quiver in her tone.
"L... Le" You slur her name as you look at the blonde as you can feel yourself slipping into a state of unconciousness.
"Stay awake, Y/N. You have too-- Girls, help!" Leah continues to shout aloud for any of the girls to hear. " You hear me, Y/N? You have to stay awake" she pleads as her tears threaten to spill.
"S' okay, Le. L... Let me go. It's time" You tell her quietly as your eyes flutter between being open and shut.
"No, Y/N. You can't give up... You can't" Leah cries openly, the tears at bay have now escaped. "Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me, please" she adds, her voice becomes louder as hot tears roll down her cheeks.
The rest of the girls all heard Leah's panicked voice and dart in the direction of the bathroom, each of them gasping in shock to find you slumped on the floor.
"Shit-- Y/N" Beths' eyes widen in fear and panic as she takes in the scene in front of her.
"What happened?" Viv questions, alarmed by the sight.
"S... She's hurt herself" Leahs' panicked voice speaks aloud while she's crouched down on the floor and pressing a towel against your wrists to try and soak up the blood. "I... I can't get the bleeding to stop" she tells them.
"Somebody call an ambulance, quick" Katie states as she joins Leah's side to kneel down and try to help in way that she can.
Her usual joking manner has suddenly turned into fearful and that's when the girls all knew this was serious.
"I'm on it" Jen agrees as fishes her phone out of her pocket, dialing 999 and waiting for an answer on the other side. "I need an ambulance, as soon as possible. It's urgent! My team mates' hurt herself and is in and out of unconciousness" the scots' woman speaks aloud,
"Stay with me, Y/N. Stay with me, keep your eyes open please" Leah pleads as she continues to hold the now blood-soaked towl against your skin, her own tears freely spilling down her cheeks as you daze in and out of sleep.
"W... Why would she do this to herself" Steph questions concerned as she glances at you, heartbroken it had come to this.
"I don't know, she was... she was doing better" Lia spoke out, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to keep her own emotions in check.
"At least, we thought she was" Beth mumbles as she struggles to take her eyes off your unconcious body.
"She'll be okay, she has to be" Caitlin adds in with vulnerability in her voice that wasn't usually shown to anyone, other than you.
You were the baby of the team, all of the girls were overprotective of you ever since you joined. It wasn't a secret that you had them all virtually wrapped around your pinky finger.
All the girls knew it was hard for you, you had a lot of expectation to live up to and knew that eventually, the pressure would be too much for you and you would break.
They were all there the last time, they saw the good, the bad and the damn right ugly and vowed to not let it happen again.
But, old habits are easy to break, right?
"Ambulance is on it's way. It won't be long" Jen tells the girls.
"I'm going with her" Leah was quick to say. A tone in her voice which the rest of the girls knew to not object against.
You were close with the girls but compared to them, Leah was pretty much your second-mum, older sister figure all rolled into one and she was the one that you always came to when it got tough.
Why didn't you just speak to her? Then maybe things could be different.
"We'll follow you to the hospital" Kim replies to the blonde and the rest of the girls all nod in agreement, they would always be there for you at a time when you most needed it.
They were your family, and family never turned their back on another.
#arsenal x reader#woso x reader#arsenal women x reader#leah williamson#woso#woso imagine#woso fanfics#heavy angst#leah williamson x reader#arsenal wfc x reader
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Short sight.
Leah Williamson x Reader.
Warnings: Angst, breakup, reader overthinking, reader breaks up with leah, online hate, overthinking, anxiety, self doubt.
Summary: In which you can’t see that you’re perfect for Leah like she says you are after a social media post gets negative attention.
*******
“Y/N, what the fuck are you on about?” Leah asked, incredulous. She couldn’t believe you were breaking up with her, she thought you were happy. She thought things between you were good! And better yet, she had allowed herself to actually fall in love again, to believe that she was allowed to be loved.
Well, that all went to shit, didn’t it?
“Leah, I’m sorry. I love you, you know I do. I just-“
“Just what, Y/N?!”
“I’m not right for you!” You finally snapped, tears streaming down your cheeks as you looked at her. She looked back at you as though she had been burned. It broke your heart more and more with every second longer you looked at the crease in her eyebrow deepen.
“Y/N, what? What do you mean ‘not right for you’?” She asked, her voice was softer than it was before, clearly she held some semblance of guilt for yelling.
“I’m sorry, Leah.” And with that you were out the door, your bag planted firmly on your shoulder.
She briefly considered chasing after you, but realised it was no use, you were already driving off in your BMW (A/N: im a bmw girl, sue me.) and leaving your relationship behind. But why?
She never did figure it out, not even a week later.
She had hardly left the house, much to chagrin of Katie and Beth who had been trying to make plans with her for the past 3 days. None of them knew, it’s not like Leah could tell them without there being a massive row, especially since Beth no matter how well she knew you from national teams, would always back Leah. And Katie… Well she bullied you enough on derby days, as you played for the blues of London, and Leah shuddered to think what she’d do to you if she actually had a valid reason to.
Meanwhile you weren’t much better off, having been crying in Sam Kerr’s lap for the past week. Which is where you still were now, Kristie rubbing your knee gently as you laid with your head in Sam’s lap.
“Sweetie, you never actually told us why you and Leah broke up.” Kristie pressed, tilting your head so you’d look at her. You sighed and sniffed, wiping your tears and lifting your head from Sam’s lap.
“There… We posted a picture. Of us at the beach. And it was a hard launch, I guess? She was kissing my cheek in it, all lovey dovey like.” You started, both of them silent showing support and patiently waiting for you to explain.
“And the comments were all just talking about how she could do better. I- I didn’t think much of it, y’know? Just thought it was another bellend on the internet, but then it was all the comments were filled with. I started to believe it.” You shrugged, picking at your nails, leaning forward. The two older women exchanged a worried look over your head.
“Y/N, Leah adored you. She wouldn’t have given you up for the world. And also she could never do better! You’re the best damn player on our team, minus me, and she’s lucky to ever have had you!” Sam insisted, her voice firm, but playful.
You chuckled, shaking your head.
“Maybe.”
Things with Leah were going much less smooth than they were going for you. She hadn’t left the house in days, skipping two training sessions in favour of wracking her brain desperately trying to find out what you meant.
Then it twigged. She found the post, scrolling through the comments.
“Oh, Y/N… You fucking idiot.” She breathed out, pressing her contacts list, finding your name and allowing her thumb to hover over the call button.
*******
A/N: Im evil, i know i know. BUT! p2? 👀
#woso#football#woso imagine#woso x reader#futbol#woso fanfics#writer is not english#footy#angst#futból#breakup#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson x y/n#leah williamson x you
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coping mechanism (Leah Williamson x reader)
OCD, it was something. when you first joined the Arsenal squad in 2018 the girls took notice quickly that you were some one of a clean an organising freak. the first time they really noticed was when they walked into your apartment for a team bonding night. everything was highly organised, you books you food and everything was perfectly clean like it was really impressive.
so when you and Leah moved in together, Leah got first hand of the struggles of our OCD and not just been organised and neat. the anxiety, the mood swings all the bad things Leah has witnessed.
it was a normal day and you both had just gotten back from training, you both showered and Leah went to do some work in the office whilst you were doing some organisation in the kitchen since it was getting on your last nerve. you were currently taking out everything from the cupboards and cleaning the cupboards, the things in the cupboards and then organising everything.
Leah had walked in half way through you being in your moment, and signed knowing that you were getting bad, that's what the girls like to call it it was stages, you would clean simple for example hoover and polish, you would clean excessively like lamps and do a real spring clean and then you would slowly get worse with organising closets, clothes and then going through the house and organising every part of the house over and over again. during these stages your wellbeing would get worse with your mood changes, sleep it would all get worse. worse was a key word in this situation.
Leah always struggled with this sort of things, never knowing the triggers as you didn't even know, it just happened.
"hey baby what you doing" she asked leaning on the door frame.
"this kitchen has been bothering me for a while" i said finishing off another cupboard.
"okay so what do you want for tea tonight" she said not knowing if the kitchen will be in cooking conditions tonight.
"takeout" you said almost instantly.
"okay what food you thinking" She said.
"i don't know I'm not that hungry you can choose love" you said to her and she nodded leaving you to it. Leah walked back into the office and ordered food and and asked Kim for some advise.
you were really getting along with the Kitchen finishing all the cupboards and sweeping and mopping before leaving the kitchen. you were walking towards the office still feeling awful you couldn't even describe the deep feeling you had within you. walking into the office you sat next to Leah fidgeting about.
"come on" Leah said getting up and grabbing your hand.
"what" you asked.
"we are going for a drive" she said as you walked out of the house. you didn't question what she was doing. you just let Leah drive off.
"what about food" you asked.
"we will pick it up" She said, and you did just that you picked up the food and continued to drive and drive hoping it'll clear your head. Leah parked up in front of the sunset, you sat there in silence not knowing what to say.
"what caused it" she said and you knew exactly what she was going on about and you knew the answer.
"my therapist suggested to change my prescription" you said.
"oh love, why didn't say anything" she said.
"i don't know i just thought id be fine" you said.
"so how do you feel about it all" she asked.
"in my gut i think its good idea like i haven't had to many slips and I'm progressing with everything but in my mind i think that if it change everything its just going to get worse and ill end up like i did after covid and i cant do that again" you said.
during and after covid was awful for you the germs and the news go to you and to summaries it all you refused to play football and when you did start to come back to training you went through a breakdown and you didn't come to training or play for almost a month.
"you won't because you have a strong support system and i think personally i think that you should try to change your dose so then if it doesn't work then you really know where you are and if you are improving and if it does work then your getting there its a long process as you know" she said.
"yeah" you said.
"one step at a time" she said and you looked at her and kissed her.
"i love you" you said to her.
"i love you more" she said back.
"not possible" you said to her kissing her again.
"right lets get home I'm shattered" Leah said and you agreed it had been a long day.
you both went home and straight to bed. over the next couple of weeks you agreed to change your dose and it had been the best decision you had made during the journey, you felt more free. you obviously had your moments with cleaning, that will never change as you were always a clean person before your diagnosis, but Leah was right with having a strong supportive system all the girls were rocks, and Leah especially having her to come home to made life so much easier.
#women football#woso community#woso imagine#engwnt#awfc#leah williamson#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson x you#leah williamson x reader#ocd#organisation#angst with a happy ending#fluff#woso fanfics#woso#woso x reader#arsenal women#arsenal#arsenal wfc#kim little#lionesses#england lionesses#england women
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Misunderstanding
Warnings - Angst…kinda, first story after like a year, happy ending 🥳
Summary - Leah thinks you’re cheating.
A/n - I didn’t die…
———
“What the hell is this?”
The sound of your normally content girlfriend’s angry voice bursts through the door to your shared home, disturbing the peaceful vibe in your house.
You placed your book down and sat up properly on the grey sofa you and Leah had purchased when you moved in together six months ago. The two of you had been in a relationship for three years when you both made the decision to buy a house together and everything had been going so well, up until now.
When Leah finally made an appearance in the living room after chucking her training bag on the ground and stomping through the hall, your eyebrows furrowed as you saw the fuming look in your girlfriend’s eyes. You knew this was serious.
“Le what’s wrong? what’s happened?” You asked quickly as you stood up in anxiety, not knowing what to do or what the fuck was happening right now.
The confusion you felt grew when Leah scoffed at you. “Don’t call me that.” She snapped.
“What? Leah what’s going on? I’m worried.”
While you stood awkwardly Leah began to pace in front of you, still giving you no indication of what had gotten her so worked up. “Leah?” You whispered.
She stopped completely and just stared at you with tears in her eyes.
“So was this all just a lie then? The ‘I love you’s? The promises? Everything?” She spat at you, making your heart drop to your stomach and a nauseous feeling wash over you.
“Babe what? of course I love you, what are you on about?” You replied, getting more and more worried.
Leah chucked her phone at the sofa and when you turned around to look you honestly just felt more confused. It was a photo of you and another woman eating lunch together. The photo was taken a couple of days ago as you had recently cut your hair and you were confused on why Leah was so upset over you eating lunch.
“What’s that then? Got nothing to say for yourself?” Leah asked after a moment of silence, her tone sounding very angry.
You handed Leah’s phone back to her before looking at her with that same confused look you’ve had on your face since she had came in.
“That’s me eating lunch with a friend. How did you even get that photo?” You replied. You technically weren’t completely lying, you knew this woman from some of the previous events you had attended with Leah, however she wasn’t necessarily a friend. She was an event planner who also happened to dabble in proposals.
You had wanted to propose to Leah since last year, however you both didn’t live together and you wanted to see how that went before popping the big question. After three months of living together with Leah you got one of your friends to get her number for you and you met up with her a couple of times to plan the proposal.
“A concerned friend sent me it.” Leah replied sharply.
You sighed. “Look I’m a little confused on why you’re so angry at me over having lunch with a friend. Maybe you could explain more before you start screaming at me again.”
Leah shook her head at you before replying. “Is this her?” She asked in a shaky voice.
You put your head in your hands and groaned. “Who? Is that who? Leah you’re not explaining anything.”
“A message came up on your phone last week from Darcy. ‘does she suspect anything?’ So, I clicked on it and looked at a few messages-”
You interrupted Leah. “You went through my phone?” You reply in an annoyed tone.
This seemed to make Leah more angry. “Oh please! You have no right to be annoyed at me for that, you fucking cheated on me!” She shouted at you, making you flinch a little.
“No I didn’t. What the hell, Leah?” You replied back in a slightly raised voice.
She scoffed. “Shall I read you out the messages you sent? ‘Nope she’s in the dark,’ ‘She’s asleep I can call now.’ Are you fucking serious Y/N? Screw you!”
You sat down on the sofa with a groan. Out of context those messages did sound bad, however they were purely just about the proposal.
Tears started to well up in your eyes as you realised that the only way to resolve this would be to tell Leah about your plan to propose to her.
The sound of Leah laughing made you look up at her. “Oh so now you’re crying? You cheat on me and you’re fucking crying? Pathetic.” She replied harshly, making a few tears roll down your face.
“I didn’t fucking cheat on you Leah.”
You wiped your eyes before continuing.
“Fuck I really didn’t want you to find out this way-”
Leah interrupts you. “Oh so you did cheat on me, great.”
You groaned again, “Leah let me finish.”
“Yes the woman in that photo is Darcy, and yes those messages do sound bad, but I promise it’s not what it looks like. Darcy is an event planner, I hired her to help with something.” You explained calmly with a few sniffles. You got your phone out and clicked on your messages with Darcy before handing it to Leah.
“Read all of the messages.” You whispered.
While Leah read through all of the messages more tears began to roll down your face as you thought about how your whole romantic plan was ruined. You had wanted to bring her to the restaurant where you had your first date together, have the whole place booked out and filled with pictures and memories of you both.
After a few minutes of silence Leah talks. “Y/N…oh I’m so sorry.” She whispered, she tried to pull you in for a hug but you shook your head and snatched your phone out of her hands before grabbing your car keys and storming off.
“Y/N wait!”
———
You drove and drove and drove for two hours, trying to calm down after that whole situation.
As you parked up somewhere you finally looked at your phone and saw 50 missed calls from Leah and numerous texts from her.
My Le 💕
Baby I’m so sorry
Please come home I love you so much
Where are you?
Y/N I’m really really worried please just let me know where you are
I love you so much baby girl
Please just let me know you’re safe
I wanna marry you too, please Y/N can you come home?
I didn’t mean any of it
Please come home
You sighed before you started the car again, deciding that you were calm enough to go home again without crying.
As you pulled into the driveway of your shared home with Leah the front door swung open and a crying Leah ran to your car. You opened your door and got out in time for her to tackle you in a big hug.
“Don’t do that ever again. God, are you okay?” Leah cried into your neck. You closed your eyes and let yourself relax into the hug.
As upset as you were, you could never stay angry at Leah.
“Physically I’m fine. Emotionally…not so fine.” You whispered, making Leah kiss your cheek before pulling away.
She pulled you into the house and dragged you to the sofa where she was previously shouting at you two hours ago.
“I’m so fucking sorry Y/N. So sorry.”
Leah took your hands and you let her, which made her smile a little bit before she went back to serious.
“I just saw those messages and I was so confused and hurt and then when I saw that photo I exploded. I should’ve let you talk and I’m so sorry. I love you so much.” She rambled, sounding more and more like she was going to cry the longer she went on.
You look down at both of your hands. “Love you too.” You whispered.
“Yeah? Still?” Leah whispered back, squeezing your hands a little.
“Always. You were fucking stupid and you should’ve talked to me the minute you saw those messages and let me explain but I will still always love you. You’re my Le, that’s for life babe. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” You replied, feeling less sad. You smiled a little at her as she giggles at your last sentence.
“Would you still be interested in marrying me?”
“Would you still be interested in me asking you to marry me?”
Leah smiles lovingly with tears in her eyes as she nods.
You tightened your grip on her hands and sat up properly. “Okay, well I don’t have a ring yet but here we go. Leah Williamson, will you marry me?” You asked in a shaky voice.
“Yes!”
#arsenal x reader#arsenal#awfc#awfc imagine#awfc x reader#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson#leah williamson one shot#woso x reader#woso one shot#woso fanfics#womens football#wlw#fanfic#lgbtq#angst with a happy ending
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—DO YOU THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU?
pairing: leah williamson x reader
synopsis: in the end, what is meant to be will always be. or; leah struggles after the break up.
word count: 4.5k
a/n: this is a continuation of LIKE REAL PEOPLE DO. i just have to make things angsty i’m sry, if i don’t i start gnawing at the bars of my enclosure but worry not, this will turn fluffy in the end :)
EIGHT. Paris.
It took about 45 mins for Leah to decide that she longer wanted to be in this damned opera house.
The red carpet was exhausting enough, but she powered through it, familiar faces like Amelia DiMoldenberg’s making it barely enough to get through.
The dinner had gone into an intermission, and she had a moment to relax from the cameras, being sat at a table not far from the stage. Ever since she first attended the GQ Men of the Year Dinner a few years ago, it had created a lot of buzz around her every year, fans speculating whether she would come again, donning outfits so foreign on her body. Back then, she still had a support system that she looked forward to coming home to. Now, maybe the only positive to this night was that, whatever happened, she would eventually get to go home and sleep by the end of it.
She had to tilt her head all the way up to get a full glimpse of the ceiling. The Royal Opera House wasn’t the oldest building erected in London by far, but it was one of most interesting to look at, if she wasn’t so in love with her club and the look of the Emirates that was. It was grandiose, regal and typical of Baroque architecture, the concave ceiling arching over her, stretching all the way back to the five balconies—generously lit and horse-shoe-shaped seating areas—stacked on top of each other. It looked a little bit like the Théâtre du Châtelet in Paris that she got to see when she attended the Ballon d’Or for the first time a couple of years ago. A lot of things can change in two years, and Leah wasn’t sure whether it was for the better or not.
Her agent caught her in the middle of her admiring when he gave her shoulder a light tap, telling her that she was expected at the after-party too. Great, another two hours she’d have to endure as people praise her name for achievements unworthy of praise, just because she was Leah Williamson, captain of the Lionesses. But whatever else he said after that, Leah didn’t register, because her eyes had found a familiar frame standing a few tables away.
You looked dashing in your black nighttime attire, which sparkled every time the limelight happened to sweep past you. A gentle smile adorned your face as you conversed your heart away with a couple of actors whose names were lost on her. When you put your hand on one of them and laughed, your eyed darted over to her for a split second.
Only when those actors had left, did she even think of approaching you, but her feet were planted on the ground.
One, two, three, she counted in her head. One, two, three; come on, Leah . . .
“Hi, you!” There was a residual cheerfulness from your previous conversation in your voice. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah,” she tried to chuckle away her nerves, wiping the sweat in her hands on her pant legs. “You been okay?”
“Yeah,” you said it so softly that she almost missed it, if she wasn’t watching your lips. “Are you? Beth says you don’t come around her place anymore.”
“You still talk to Beth?”
“Yeah, she’s my friend, Lee. I . . . hope you don’t mind.”
“No! No, that’s . . . it’s great.” Leah said quickly.
You had smiled at her gratefully, and grasped her hand. “It’s good seeing you again.”
“You too.” She had said, robotically, before deciding against it. “Hey, don’t be a stranger, alright?”
You smiled again. This time, you brought her into your chest and wrapped your arms around her neck. “You first,” you said with a glint in your eyes, then you disappeared into the crowd.
And for a few brief moments, Leah Williamson didn’t think about how exhausted she was, only about how much she has missed being held by you. After all, it had been almost two years since she and you broke up, and maybe Leah was never able to move on like she had promised you.
How could she?
NINE. Be My Mistake.
She hated the feeling afterwards. She hated herself for having initiated it, for chasing after the girl like a hungry wolf in that nightclub. Now, Leah couldn’t bear the feeling of her lanky arms and sweaty skin touching her, like the intimacy was warranted, like she had somehow earned it.
Leah knew it was begrudging of her to shove the girl’s arm away so heartlessly and move upright to the edge of the bed, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t bring herself to be intimate with someone else, not yet. Not when every time she felt her skin she imagined yours, soft and scented with your familiar smell; every time she closed her eyes she saw your face like a ghost, refusing to leave her psyche; every time she opened her mouth to let out a noise of pleasure, it took everything in her to hold herself back from uttering Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.
The girl was confused but she was still, no doubt trying to decipher the sudden shift in Leah’s demeanor. She hated her stillness, the way her eyes watched her frame like she was a wounded animal in its enclosure.
“Please leave,” Leah said quietly, begging.
Silence.
“I don’t know what you’re going through, but if . . . you need someone—”
“Thank you, Delaney.” She gritted her teeth. “Please get out.”
Tonight, it was Delaney with the fiery red hair and dimples peppered over her cheekbones. A few nights ago, it was Lisa-Mae with the sultry brown eyes and unforgettable plump lips. Then there might have been an Erin and Hailey and Polly and maybe even a Daniela from when she visited Keira in Barcelona. She hated that she somehow remembered all of their names and kept count. Body upon body, yet she could not forget the one body she was using them all to forget about.
She couldn’t turn to alcohol, couldn’t smoke or do hard drugs because they would affect her performance on the pitch, but God knows she was thinking about it constantly. Anything to take this pain away for a moment, lest she turns into the starving wolf and goes out to hunt at night again. If only the press caught on to what she was doing.
Righteous Lioness turned starving wolf the moment the loneliness becomes a little too much to bare.
But she knew you wouldn’t have judged her. No, you would wrap her in your arms and let her scream, cry, do whatever she wanted to rid herself of the torment. She remembered all the nights you spent on the bathroom floor with her as she battled through her endometriosis, and how you would hold her like the world was about to collapse outside the window.
Leah was on the bathroom floor again, but she was alone this time, and the floor tiles felt colder and harsher than she had remembered.
TEN. Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy).
The feeling she got when the three whistles finally blew came to Leah quite rarely. It was one of elation and immense joy that the result of the game was finalized, because she had known half an hour ago that Arsenal would bring home the crucial three points from the match.
She brought her fists in the air as she made her rounds, patting her teammates on the back and shaking hands with opponents. She found Kyra and hoisted her in the air with a tight hug, as her younger teammate managed to score and assist today.
“Thank you, Leah.” Kyra giggled, as she was put down. “Is Y/N here?”
Leah’s smile remained, but she scrunched her eyebrows. “How did you hear about that?”
“How could I not? Y/N Y/L/N, coming to watch us play. I won’t be surprised if social media was buzzing about that rather than the actual match.”
If Kyra knew, that meant the entire team knew. She would endure the endless teasing if it meant getting to see you again, though.
Leah had found where you were sitting right from the start, in the VIP box where her friends and family sat, the usual spot you occupied when you were still together. Back then, she would watch you jog down the stairs with a blinding grin on your face, hop over the barricade and pull her into a bone-crushing hug. It could be a sold-out Emirates Stadium, but the only thing she wanted to watch was you. She still wanted to.
“Hi! Great game today.” You didn’t hug her, but did something far worse. You swung your arm and gave her bicep a quick pat, like a friend would.
“Thanks,” she said. “Should have scored that header though.”
“Hey, don’t put yourself down like that. You were great.” Somehow, your words made her feel worse about herself, and she just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again. They felt patronizing.
Not far away, Beth’s joyful laughter cut through her sulking. Turning to look at the woman, she saw Beth wrapping her arms tightly around Viv’s neck and the Dutch spinning her around gleefully. Viv had managed to score a hat-trick today—her first since returning from her ACL injury—and even if she didn’t celebrate such an important feat, she would be dragged into one because her girlfriend definitely wouldn’t leave it alone.
It reminded her of when she would come home and celebrate her wins with you. She didn’t need any fancy parties or lavish gifts, just being in your company was more than enough. You would always end up buying her gifts though. “Just because”, you would say, the I love you going unspoken, but she knew it was there. She could always feel it hanging in the silence, in the spaces in your home, even when you were half a world away filming. She could always feel it, like a hearth, a palpable warmth flickering in her chest.
It made her envious watching Beth and Viv that they had what she once did.
“Y/N! You made it!” Beth’s voice tore Leah from her thoughts.
Despite her sentimental predicament, a chuckle made its way onto her lips as she watched you embrace Beth like two schoolgirls finally united again after the summer holidays.
“How long are you staying in London?” Beth asked.
“I don’t know, really,” you replied. “I’m doing a thing with Stella McCartney, so it might take a while.”
Leah couldn’t help but perk up at that. She could feel Viv glancing at her from the corner of her eyes.
“No way! Look at ya. Moving on to the fashion world already!” Beth exclaimed and gave your shoulder a light shove.
Only when you and Beth had walked away happily chatting did Vivianne elbow her gently.
“They seem happy,” the Dutch said.
“Yeah,” Leah pursed her lips. “That’s good.”
“And you? Are you happy?”
Leah knew that the both of them knew she wasn’t, but that wasn’t the right answer. She would not admit to something that she has been working for two years to get over, because it would mean that her woes were all for nothing.
“I am,” she nodded. “I’m glad they’re happy.”
If anything, Leah still loved you enough to admit that.
ELEVEN. Me.
Leah didn’t sleep much these days. She never really did—adrenaline being her biggest enemy—but she would find herself crying in frustration at four in the morning, unable to fall asleep.
It would be during those torturous hours that she would reminisce on the conversation in which she pulled the plug on your relationship.
It was a slippery slope of miscommunication, both of you were to blame, but she was the one who decided to run away instead of trying to work it out. She still kept the ring in a drawer somewhere, but the memory of your rejection made it to painful to look at.
In hindsight, she could have said it a bit differently, but she was close to exploding the previous days that all of it came flooding out of her.
She replayed the conversation often, like a broken record in her head, swapping out things that she could have said or you could have said that would have lead to a different outcome, maybe one in which she wasn’t so miserable two years on.
It was 1:43am, and she was wide awake yet again. You’d always had an irregular sleep pattern, and she wondered whether you were awake too.
She knew it was a mistake, and that she would regret it in the morning, but she texted you anyway.
hey
are u awake?
Slamming her phone on the other side of the bed, Leah curled in on herself, burying her face in the pillows trying not to cry. If she hadn’t looked up in time, she would almost miss the incoming call on her screen. It was you.
“Hey,” she picked up after sniffling her tears away.
“Hey, you,” your voice was soft and lulling. “What an odd time for a footballer to be awake. Shouldn’t you be getting your beauty sleep?”
This made her chuckle. “If I did get all of my beauty sleep, you lot would have no chance.”
“Watch out, everyone. Leah Williamson’s ego is inflating, try not get crushed by it.”
As Leah’s laughter died down, she felt an awkwardness settled over the line. A silence once so comfortable now felt forced, straining under the pull between what once was and the ruins of it. The heavy weight of unspoken words curled on the tip of her tongue, the broken record of her mistake playing ever louder in her head.
“I didn’t expect to hear from you,” you finally broke the silence, your voice teetering between caution and curiosity.
“Yeah, well, insomnia makes one do questionable things.”
Leah wondered if she had accidentally revealed too much, and whether it was appropriate to do so. You two weren’t intimate anymore, you were barely friends nowadays, the finest thread of your acquaintance lied solely on your hangouts with Beth. How strange it was, you were half of her soul. Now you were almost like passersby on the street.
“Is everything okay?” You asked, a sense of concern in your tone.
“Um,” she hummed, trying to pull herself together. “Not really. I-I haven’t been doing too well.”
“Leah,” you said. “I-I know we��re not as close as we were before, but I wasn’t lying when I said I still want us to be friendly at least. I’m here for you. You know that, right?”
“I know.” She said, her voice wavering. She wouldn’t be able to hide her feelings from you, never you. “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner.”
“It’s okay, Lee. It hurt me a lot, not gonna lie, but I understand where you were coming from.”
Leah couldn’t hold it in anymore, and squeezed her eyes shut, her tears wetting the pillow she lay on. “I can’t be your friend, Y/N. I can’t just pretend like the last five years didn’t happen.”
There was a brief silence once more before you spoke. “I know. Might be selfish of me to wish things were different.”
“Then I’m selfish too,” she said, almost a whisper.
There was a pause, in which Leah bit the inside of her cheeks so hard they might start bleeding.
“Are you coming to Beth’s thing on Friday?” You asked.
“I think I’m expected to be there. Why?”
“Good, I’ll be there too. We’ll talk then.”
“Okay,” Leah said dumbly.
“Now, go to sleep.”
She giggled. “You first.”
TWELVE. Sincerity Is Scary.
Leah’s teammates have teased her many times throughout the evening, stating her unnecessary brooding was actually unnecessary this time and that she should liven up. She really couldn’t. Just thinking about seeing you again tonight made her want to have a heart attack and end her misery right there.
But the moment she heard your voice as you stepped into Beth and Viv’s house, a bottle of wine in hand and a bright smile on your lips, Leah felt her anxiety dissipate into oblivion, scolding herself for ever feeling nervous.
After all, it was you.
She waited patiently with a soft smile, her arms folded behind her back as she waited for all the girls to swoon over you. She had all night to keep you company, she was in no rush.
“Hey,” you found her after all the canoodling. Extending an arm, you awaited a hug which she gladly accepted.
“Hi,” she offered to take your jacket and hung it on the rack by the door. “You got here alright?”
“Man, the traffic at rush hour,” you sighed exasperatedly. “That’s the one thing I’ll never get used to. Almost makes me miss you being my personal chauffeur.”
She laughed. “That’s the only thing I was good for, was it?”
You narrowed your eyes at her teasingly. “Not just that.”
Leah wasn’t sure what you meant entirely with We’ll talk then, but seeing as she was the one who stupidly broke up with you, the balls were entirely in your court. She was just happy you were still willing to talk to her after she called you at 2am to blabber her insomniac nonsense.
She wasn’t courageous enough to sit directly next to you at the dinner table, but rather took the seat next to Katie who sat in front of you. Courage wasn’t something Leah felt much lately, and it took seeing you again for her to admit that. Perhaps she was never brave, but you always made her feel like it anyway.
Everyone loved you, the movie star that graced her team’s humble dinner. She couldn’t help but watch in awe as you managed to charm the pants off of everyone at the table with your witty remarks and crazy anecdotes. You had a presence that made everyone want to be your friend; it made her uncharacteristically shy at trying to get you to notice her, that she resorted to watching you from afar. And the few times you would make eye-contact with her, she could only look away, bashful that she had been caught staring, as her courage dwindling with each gaze.
Later in the night, when everyone was scattered around the house chatting, she found you sitting alone on the patio. Upon closer look, she could make out a smaller, fluffy unit in the form of Myle, Beth and Viv’s little pup, prancing around in front of you, waiting for you to throw the tennis ball in your hand.
The constant sound of the girls’ conversations died down the moment she stepped out in the backyard, now lit with rows of incandescent lights overhead. Myle barked once with excitement as she spotted Leah approaching.
“I think she wants you to throw it,” you handed her the ball.
She grinned and took it. “No one beats Auntie Leah.”
Little Myle was quick to launch herself across the yard on a mission to retrieve her precious artifact.
“I wanted a dog really bad, the first year we started dating.” You said, pulling your knees to your chest as a gust of wind pulled at your hair. “I wanted a little corgi or an Italian greyhound. I spent hours looking for one to adopt and researched food, bills, insurance and stuff.”
“Why didn’t you get one?” Leah asked.
“We haven’t even moved in together at that point. Plus, I was still bouncing around, you knew that.”
She did. You were shooting a movie in Canada the few first months you and her started talking. Then, you were hopping around Spain, Portugal and various parts of the UK for another project. It wasn’t ideal, but still much closer than Canada. You would fly out every other weekend to watch her play, and she would do the same and visit you on-set, moving most things aside for a couple days with you.
“I would have loved a dog, I don’t know about you.”
“I’m sure you would have. You’d probably love it more than me,” you laughed.
“No,” Leah shook her head softly. “Never.”
Summer was approaching. She could feel it in the mildness despite the breeze. For a while, the soft murmur of the wind caressing the trees was all she could hear, and Myle’s occasional huff as she impatiently waited for the ball to be tossed again.
You both sat there watching her, fantasizing of a different life, a dream that never materialized, another fragment of memories again tainted by what-ifs. Leah bit her lip, trying to calm her spiraling thoughts. She felt her courage slipping away again.
“I’m sorry I called you the other day,” she pursed her lips. “That wasn’t very appropriate. I should have asked to talk to you properly.”
“Don’t worry. Wasn’t the worst thing you could’ve done.” She heard you chuckle next to her. “I’ve had some time to think about us. Admittedly, I didn’t want to think about it at all the first few months, but my therapist told me I had to face it one way or another.”
Leah held her breath. This was the part where you tell her that you’d moved on and that she should stop pestering you. One of her knees started bouncing up and down as she waited for you to talk.
“I had to face the fact that you’re the love of my life, and that night I met you and we danced to Hozier together—on the first night we met no less—was the second best night of my life. The best was when you told me you loved me. And the worst night of my life was when you broke up with me.”
“I’m sorry,” Leah whispered, feeling her throat tighten at your confession.
“No,” you said, moving closer. “I don’t regret it. I wasn’t ready when you proposed, and that was my truth. But Leah, I’d be lying if I said that I’d be okay with letting you go again.”
“I should’ve talked to you about marriage before I asked you to marry me. It wasn’t fair on you.” Leah offered you a tearful smile.
“I want to try again. I would do it again for you.” You reached out and wiped away the tears that had silently rolled down her cheeks as she listened to you.
“I thought I’d lost my chance,” she said. “I thought you’d moved on.”
“Oh, baby,” your thumb brushed over her cheek softly. “How could you think I’d ever be able to forget about you?”
She let out a soft cry of relief. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and there was only one thing she thought of doing.
So she leaned in, never minding her wet cheeks. The last thing she saw was you closing your eyes too.
“Oh—sorry!”
The two of you jumped apart at the voice behind you. Leah turned around with a visible scowl on her face, seeing Beth grimace sheepishly as she called for Myle.
“It’s her dinner time. Come, little one, you hungry?” Beth attempted to explain herself, as Myle sprinted inside. “Alright then. As you were.”
The moment the door closed, you burst into laughter, making her break out of her frown and smile with you. “I can’t believe that just happened,” you said, laughing into her shoulder.
“I’m going to kill her,” she shook her head and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek.
She didn’t mind it too much, because she got to take you home later and make up for the last two years until the early hours of the morning. You and her would laugh about it years later.
THIRTEEN. About You.
Your lover never backed down from a challenge.
That was her way, and that was what made her one of the best in her sport, her unrelenting spirit.
Yet, her legs felt like they would turn to jelly the moment she laid her eyes on you at the end of the aisle, umber dirt covered in white rose petals. She felt like drowning in her emotions which had all risen to the surface, and the waves would only plunge her further into itself until she was completely immobilized by it. But she knew once she was able to pull herself together and walk to you on the other end of that path, heaven would be waiting for her.
The officiate went on and on about love, life, and promises of forever, but she had made that promise to you long before this day. She kissed you fervently the moment she was able to.
It only seemed fitting that the first chapter of your story began with a dance, and the most important one to also end with a dance. She offered you a hand, and you gladly took it, a childish giggle bubbling in your throat. The song you danced to the first night you met rang out in the venue, a soft and folksy tune the backdrop of your falling in love.
“It’s not so bad, is it?” She said with a teasing grin.
You gazed into her eyes like they held the world. You had no idea that her heart beat for you, how her soul yearned for yours, how her life will not forever be intertwined with yours.
You closed your eyes and hummed, swaying with her slowly, just like you’d practiced at home a couple of weeks ago, only that instead of the four walls of your shared home baring witness to this dance, it was all your friends and families.
Memories of the first night you met, and the one in which she promised you her heart bubbled as she saw the serene look in your face. You both have come so far.
You placed your head on her chest for all to see, the way you do when you are tired after long hours of work in front of the camera, when all you wanted was the magic and warmth of her company.
Leah smiled; she couldn’t stop smiling. She smiled and smiled until her cheeks ached, even beyond then, until forever.
“No,” you mumbled. “Not bad at all.”
a/n: happy holidays to everyone :)
#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson imagines#leah williamson x you#leah williamson angst#woso fanfics#woso imagines#woso x reader#engwnt x reader#beth mead#vivianne miedema#viv miedema#kyra cooney cross
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Forgive me
Leah x Reader
Summary: Leah lashes out on reader and then tries to apologize
warnings: Angst, Leah pushes reader physically, fighting, mean Leah, fluffy smut in the end.
"Can you just shut the fuck up, I'm so fucking tired oh your shit like can't you just shut up for a minute," Leah yelled at you.
It was her first game after her ACL injury. The game was against Manchester United and it was making Leah nervous. She obviously wasn't in the starting 11, because it was her first match after a big injury. Luckily she was subbed in quite early on the second half. Arsenal was on the lead with 1-0, Alessia being the one to make the goal.
The game seemed fine to you, but you were wrong. Although Arsenal won, Leah was not happy at all. She stormed off the field when the game ended. leaving everyone surprised by her actions. Everyone, including you, though that she would be celebrating the win and her first game back but no, she just stormed off to the changing room. Her teammates hadn't even come back to the changing room when Leah was already gone.
Leah was mad. She expected her first game back to go perfectly and when it didn't she just lost it. Although to you it seemed like she played well, she didn't think so herself. She couldn't control the ball the way she wanted, and it just didn't feel the same as before. She hated it. She hated the fact that she had been doing rehab for ages just to be worse than before.
You were waiting for her in the car. You saw how she had stormed off and realized that she would probably want to leave as quick as possible.
"What happened baby?" You asked when she hopped inside of the car. Leah didn't answer, she just started driving the usual way back to your apartment.
At home, you tried again. You tried to ask what had happened but she just wasn't having it. So that's how you ended up with her yelling at you. It was rare so it made you cry, you hated it when someone yelled at you.
"Oh for gods sake are you really crying?" Leah was amused.
Leah was never like this towards you and it hurt. Your usually so caring and loving girlfriend was now yelling horrible things to you. Of course you were crying.
"I'm just gonna go" You said with a barely hearble voice.
"Good, please feel free to just get your things and get the fuck away from me" She said and pushed you out of her way. You weren't prepared for it so it made you stumble to the floor.
You saw Leah's face immediately drop. Her angry features were now switched with guilt and concern. Leah never once in your relationship had never used any type of physical violence towards you. Even if this was just a push, it made you worried. Why was your once so loving girlfriend like this.
"Y/n I'm so, so sorry, I didn't-" Leah started but you didn't listen. You just got up from the floor and put your shoes on and with that you were out of the door.
You were crying even more now. You knew that this wasn't your girlfriend. This wasn't the girl you fell in love with. You wanted Leah Williamson back. The same girl who would wake you up with kisses and bring breakfast to bed. The girl who comforted you when you cried. You wanted that Leah back.
You decided to call your and Leah's friend Katie. You knew her the best from the team, since she was at your house every other day.
"Katie, I umm, can I come over" You mumbled to the phone.
Katie could hear that you were crying and left er apartment and came to pic you up. She knew that this was abut Leah. Everyone had seen the way she stormed off of the field and no one on the team were able to contact her ever since. So something must have happened at home.
At your own apartment Leah was quite literally punching the walls. She was angry at herself. How could she let stupid football game come between your relationship. How could she be so mean to you. She didn't even recognize herself from her actions and words. And the fact that she had pushed you.
She couldn't forgive herself for that. He precious girl, you were so innocent, just trying to help Leah but she had pushed you and you fell. You could've gotten hurt.
After a while Leah texted you with apologizes. She also wanted to make sure that you were somewhere safe. Your answer was simple. "I'm at Katie's, gonna need a few days to have some space"
You had explained Katie what happened and she was furious. She wasn't known for having a good temper so she was ready to fight. Although she had known Leah longer, you had quickly became an important part of her life. She wanted to just hold you close and protect you from the world. She didn't like the fact that your own girlfriend had hurt you. The girl who was supposed to protect you.
You stayed few days at Katie's place. It was comfortable and peaceful since Katie was often at training. You had your time to think about what happened. You didn't want to break up because of that but you weren't ready to forgive although Leah tried her best to make you forgive her. She sent flowers to Katie's apartment every day with love letters and apologizes. She wanted to give you the space that you had asked for but she also wanted to show that she cared and wanted to fix things.
'I know that some flowers won't undo what I did but I just wanted to apologize to my beautiful girl. I don't know what got into me but I hate myself for what I did. I never should have lashed out on you. I was just really upset that I couldn't play the way I wanted but I never should've taken it out on you that way. And it's not an excuse for my actions. I love you my sweetie and I hope that you can forgive me soon'
That was one of the letters that Leah had sent you and after four days at Katie's, you were ready to face Leah again. You asked for Katie to drop you off to your apartment. She didn't like how you were forgiving Leah so easily but it wasn't her business.
When you arrived back at your home, you were hesitant to go in. You didn't even know if Leah would be there, at least she didn't have practice. You opened the door with your key and walked inside. It smelled like Leah and it made you smile a little. You had missed your girlfriends scent. The apartment was cleaned, you knew that Leah had been stress cleaning.
"Leah?" You carefully asked.
Leah appeared from your bedroom. She was shocked to see you. She though that you hated her and would never want to see her again after what happened. But she was happy to be wrong. She took a few steps towards you, not wanting to startle you.
"Baby.." She just whispered.
"I am so sorry for what I did. I never should have yelled at you or pushed you. It was so wrong for me to do that and I don't have any excuse for myself. I shouldn't have done it and I regret it with every bode in my body" Leah started her apology but didn't get far before you crushed her in a hug. Leah was taken by a surprise but didn't mind.
"Never do that again and I will forgive you" You mumbled to her chest.
"I promise to you. I will never hurt you ever again my sweet girl" She answered sincerely.
"Mm Leah" You whispered against her lips.
"Let me show you how sorry I am. Let me make you feel good baby" Leah whispered back.
With that you were in the bedroom. Your clothes long forgotten on the floor.
"My sweet sweet girl" Leah mumbled while kissing down your body.
She wanted to make you feel good. She kept praising you and you enjoyed the sweet words.
"My y/n, you are so good to me" She said before diving to your wetness.
She ate you out happily. Every now and then, whispering sweet nothing to you. Lapping your juices and circling your clit. It was all you needed and more. Leah knew how to work your body just the right way. She teased your hole with her tongue before dipping it in which made you moan loudly.
"I'm so sorry sweet, I promise to be better girlfriend for you from now on" She said and then kept going. She was not in any rush, wanting to draw those beautiful moans from your mouth.
She kept praising you and eating you out. Happily drowning between your legs where she loved to be. And when your orgasm took over you, she made sure to keep going during that. All she wanted was to worship your body.
You finally had your Leah back.
#woso community#wlw post#woso fanfics#woso x reader#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#angst#leah williamson merry me#katie mccabe
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“I don’t need you.”
“You don’t, but we do.”
Leah Williamson x Georgia Stanway x Reader
2.8k, I went overboard lol but this was fun to write. Enjoy!
Warnings: mentions of blood and knives. Euros 2022 Final where you’re hurt and the two of them struggle to keep you alive. It gets dark so read at your own risk!
Lionesses v. Germany, Euro 2022 Final. The changing room is tense, all the girls quiet and getting into game mode. You’re in your cubby, listening to a playlist Georgia insisted would get you into the right headspace before a game. Leah sits across from you, leg bouncing and face in a deep frown. Georgia is messing about with Alessia, giggling about some video they saw on Instagram. Everyone has their own way of getting into their headspaces and you find yourself making eye contact with the best captain in the world. Your headphones come off and you walk up to her, eyes softening when you see the fear in her eyes that she so desperately tries to get rid of.
“Come with me for a minute.” You tell her, reaching for her arm.
“I can’t, the game starts in 20 minutes!” Leah loudly whispers but follows you, being dragged into the showers for a little chat.
Georgia had been watching this interaction, excusing herself and following behind Leah quietly. She knew that Leah would be stressed and knew that only you could calm her. She was met with a Leah that was almost in tears and you cradling her head against your chest in the furthest shower stall there was. She sighed softly, heart breaking for Leah. She quietly came towards you, hands wrapping around you both with kisses to both of your foreheads.
“How we doing, Lee?” Georgia asks quietly, hand slowly moving lower to rub her back as you kissed Leah softly and pushed her baby hairs out of her face.
“I feel like my hearts gonna give out. Fuck I can’t catch my breath. What if we lose? What if we just fucking throw this game away and fuck up and it’s all my fault? I really don’t know what Sarina was thinking, picking me as captain. Someone else deserves this arm band, I might just-“
She was cut off by half the team in the showers looking at her and hearing her ramble. She was so in her head that she didn’t notice that Georgia had taken your spot and you went and called the rest of the girls still in the changing rooms into the shower to comfort their captain. Tears stained her cheeks and Georgia did her best to wipe them away. You were beside her again, holding her hand and rubbing her forearm.
“No one would have been able to bring us this far, Lee. Everyone on this team knows you’re the only one who deserves to wear that arm band.” Lucy spoke up, all the girls nodding in agreement.
“You’re the best part of all of us, Leah. Come on, we’ve got a trophy to win alright? Save some of those tears for after will ya? Don’t waste them!” Ella yelled, all the girls cheering their captain on as she finally had a smile on her face. It was the most beautiful smile both you and Georgia had ever seen and you wanted to keep it on her face for as long as possible.
Kick-off
The game was going alright. Germany had maintained good defense over the first half, nearly scoring but Mary Earps was a force to be reckoned with. The second half saw Tooney thrust the Lionesses into the lead with a beautiful chip over the keeper. Germany doubled down and equalized ten minutes after, the wear and tear of the tournament finally showing as the Lionesses let that one slip. Of course, it had to be Chloe Kelly who sent in the winning goal, doing a well-earned shirtless celebration as the final whistle was blown two minutes later. You all piled on top of her, celebrations rampant as the Wembley stadium erupted with the same shouts of celebrations.
You didn’t see him coming. You didn’t see the glint of a 4-inch blade drawn from his back pocket. Security too busy holding out other fans from spilling onto the pitch. He made a beeline for you, eyes dark and angry. He grabbed you by the shoulder and before you knew it, the knife stabbed into the right side of your abdomen. The sheer shock of it all sent you to the ground hunched over, hand pressed to your side as he pulled the knife out and disappeared into the crowd.
Leah notices first. Her eyes looked all over for you till she heard yells from the crowd of your name. A little puddle of red alarmed her as she suddenly saw you laying on the grass in a pool of your own blood.
“Y/N!” she yelled. Crouching down beside you, holding your wound. “FUCKING CALL THE MEDICS!” was what registered next. Georgia suddenly appeared beside you; hand pressed over Leah’s as they both tried to stop the bleeding. The crowd was so silent you could hear a straw drop.
“You’re going to be okay, darling. I need you to stay awake for me, sweet. Keep looking at me baby, shh shh it’s okay. We’re getting you help.” Georgia spoke but she sounded so far away. Your eyes closed for a second before Leah slapped your face gently and your eyes opened again. She was crying, Georgia was too. “Stay with me, love. I love you so much,” was the last thing you heard before you couldn’t fight the urge to sleep any longer.
That beeping noise was immensely irritating. Beep, beep, beep. Why were there so many tubes and shit tangled around me? It’s a little chilly in here, would it kill you to turn the heat on? I mean seriously, these tubes are a nightmare. Your thoughts are interrupted by a pair of blue eyes that would make anyone look twice. Leah’s eyes. You could pick them out in a crowd. So blue and so full of emotion you could read her like an open book. What was she doing here?
“Y/N/N, welcome back my darling.” Leah says, her voice still distant but clear.
“She’s awake? Don’t lie to me Leah, it’s not funny.” A second voice enters the room. It’s familiar too, accent thick with worry. Georgia’s dark brown eyes show themselves as they both hover over you. It’s nice, they’re doing you a favor by blocking out those pesky bright lights.
There are suddenly more people in the room than you’d like, poking and prodding at you. Hands that you do not want touching you thankfully do their work fast and efficiently. They switch out your oxygen mask for tubes and give you another pillow and your sad hospital lunch. They’ve left the room in 20 minutes, the two girls whom you want near you finally able to settle on either side of your bed away from prying eyes.
“You scared us half to death, Y/N.” Leah says with a sad voice you never want her to use again. Tears well up in Georgia’s eyes and they both hold your hand that is resting on your stomach.
“What happened? I-I can’t remember it that well, it’s all so hazy.” You say with a sore throat. Georgia is quick to give you some water, holding the straw for you to sip. You drink for a while, thankful for the cold liquid soothing your parched throat.
Leah’s eyes are uncertain, doubtful if she wants to make you relive yesterday morning. The stabbing had sent you into a deep sleep, thankfully only for a day. The ambulance that brought you here was at the pitch within two minutes of the call to 999. The two girls never left your side, Georgia following you into the ambulance as Leah was driven right behind the ambulance by Alessia and the rest of the girls. The win was forgotten, every single one of them only had you on their minds. Leah was a mess in the car, shaking like a leaf as Alessia sped after the ambulance. Tooney and Lucy held her, keeping her calm and reassuring her that you’d be alright. She believed them, telling herself over and over on the quick ride to the hospital that you’d be okay.
Georgia kept it together in the ambulance, one of the loves of her life holding on as much as she could. It was so hard to look at you in the stretcher, beautiful face pale and sickly. Her hands and shirt were covered in your blood, the paramedics managing to stuff your wound with gauze and the bleeding was controlled. She knew you’d be okay, her heart hoping Leah knew that too. She held onto your hand tightly, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you fell in and out of consciousness. She recognized the white Mercedes weaving through traffic, hazards on and following the speeding ambulance. She told you that the girls were right behind us and that Leah was right there with them. She told you to hold on, she told you they didn’t know if they’d be able to live without you. You heard her, wanting so much to hold her and tell her that you loved her and that you would be okay but, everything hurt and you were too numb to move.
The doctors worked swiftly on your wounds, the knife barely missing your diaphragm and nicking your large intestine. You had lost too much blood and flatlined once, the doctors quick to pounce on your chest and resuscitate you. You were fighting, you knew people relied on you too much for you to give in. The five-hour surgery was a success and soon you were being wheeled into a private room as the doctors told the entire team occupying the waiting room the relieving news. There wasn’t a dry face anywhere, tears of joys pouring out at the news of you making it through the hardest part of this long journey. Leah and Georgia rushed to the room they now knew you were in, the rest of the girls hanging back knowing you only needed them.
The sight of all those annoying tubes broke their hearts. You looked so tired and used, fresh tears falling down their faces. Both girls silently moved to one side each, hands reaching for your cold ones as you slept peacefully. Soon the repetitive beeps of the machines lulled them to sleep, thankful that you were alive and here with them.
Lucy walked in with Alessia and Kiera. They smiled softly at the sight of the three of you sleeping. They gently woke Leah and Georgia, having brought food and a change of clothes for them. The doctors updated them on your condition, Kiera shooting a quick text to the group chat to ease their worries. Leah shot up, eyes red with fatigue and a stiff neck. She reached for Kiera, hugging her tight and thanking her for the food and clothes. Alessia gently helped Georgia wake up, guiding both of them to the table in your room to have some food. They found it hard to swallow anything but tried, knowing they needed to. Alessia and Lucy watched over you as they ate, Less softly brushing your hair out of your face as Lucy rubbed your forearm softly.
Kiera had to force the pair out of the room to change, dragging them away to the showers to force them to take one, their hands still slightly caked with your blood. They showered together, helping one another to clean up which made them feel better to have familiar hands do the work. They couldn’t do it for themselves but they’d be damned if they didn’t take care of the other before themselves. Leah held Georgia’s face in her hands and Georgia stared at her as her hands held her wrists, gaze holding the same tear-filled eyes she had despite standing under the rain shower. They kissed hard, kisses full of too many emotions for them to express any other way. “She’ll be okay, Gee. She’s a fighter, she is.” Leah said softly, willing her heart to believe her own words. Georgia could only nod, muttering a soft “I know,” before leaning in to kiss Leah again. They held each other under the warm water, Kiera having left to give them both a minute.
They walk back into your room looking fresher than before. Hair both damp and wearing clean clothes. They both needed that shower and intimate time with each other, it soothed worries that they did not know how to voice; so glad that their relationship was strong and deep enough that they did not need to use words to express their feelings. “Any changes?” Georgia asks, moving to the couch to snuggle with Alessia as Leah returned to your side. “No Gee, she’s still asleep.” Lucy told her, hand lacing into Leah’s as they both sat with you. Kiera walked in 10 minutes later with steaming cups of coffee and a few more Lionesses. They all hung around, speaking to each other and taking turns watching you. You made noises a few times, shifting in your deep drug-induced sleep which made Leah and Georgia’s hearts leap out of their chests as you merely went back under.
“I’m sorry I scared you girls.” You say after listening to Leah and Georgia fill you in. “I’m okay now, you two look exhausted.”
“Don’t be sorry darling, nothing compared to the day you’ve had, love. They say you can go home tomorrow now that you’re awake, hm?” Leah tells you, eyes happier than you’ve seen in the past two days. Georgia begins to open up your lunch, gently pushing the table over to you to eat. “The girls went over to the house and set up the guest room for us. That way you don’t need to worry about the stairs. Lotte’s got Marlo too so he isn’t a bother for a bit. I think Less and Tooney drove my car over too so we can go home tomorrow, how’s that sound?” Georgia tells you, grimacing at the sickly-looking hospital food.
“Better than that looks, that’s for sure.” You quip, a look of disgust on your face.
This makes Leah laugh, leaning forward and kissing your forehead then whispering “There’s my girl.”
//
The first week back home was unlike anything you have experienced before. The pain was unbearable and the nightmares were something you didn’t wish on your worst enemy. You couldn’t remember your attackers face, but the news refreshed your memory when he was caught just four days after the attack. Cameras from the stadium managed to pick him up leaving the stadium after and they found his car abandoned before he was arrested and convicted. The three of you felt relief wash over you, knowing he was gone from your lives for a long time. You naively thought the nightmares would stop since you were really just worrying about him finding you but they somehow got worse. Leah and Georgia could barely keep you asleep for an hour before you had another one, shaking and sweating with shouts of their names. It frustrated you and broke their hearts into a billion pieces each. Both of them wanted to take your pain away and it physically hurt them to see you suffering.
One night you had another nightmare but somehow didn’t stir the two girls sleeping on either side of you. You carefully crawled out of bed, grabbing a fluffy blanket around your shoulders and walking out to the living room. You sat on the couch, mind racing faster than you liked. You began to rock back and forth, knees pulled to your chest. You couldn’t catch your breath, head spinning as the memories flash before your eyes.
Strong arms suddenly wrap around you, another pair grabbing your crying face. “Y/N, look at me!” Leah said loudly. A wave of anger came over you, pushing both of them away and standing; hot, frustrated tears flowing down your cheeks. “Leave me alone! Why the fuck are you always meddling? I don’t need you to coddle me! I am capable of taking care of myself! I’m not fucking helpless like you think! Just because you don’t have pain or just because you can fucking sleep doesn’t mean you need to pretend to want to help me! I DON’T NEED YOU!” you yell, voice hoarse by the fourth statement you make. You’ve fallen to your knees, Georgia catching you just in time before you crumple to the ground. They both hold you, your frustration let out in huge waves. You cried for half an hour, hearing both of them repeating the same thought you had in the operating room that kept you fighting “You may think you don’t need us baby but we do. We were both a mess when you got hurt, I don’t think either of us would have survived if it wasn’t for you. You hold us together baby, we love you to bits for it, you’re our special girl.”
It made you cry more, their words sinking into your head. You were wrong, you did need them. You needed them more than ever and they weren’t going anywhere.
#woso soccer#woso imagine#lionesses#leahwilliamson x reader#georgia stanway x reader#leah williamson#georgia stanway#georgia stanway imagine#leah williamson imagine#euros2022#angst#woso x reader#woso fanfics
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revival | arsenal x reader
arsenal reader has been struggling more than she’d ever admit.. when it becomes to much she attempts to take her life but her teammates refuse to let her kill herself when she has so much more to live for.
warnings: do not read if you are triggered by suicide attempt, pill overdose, cutting, severe depression, angst, hurt/comfort
You didn’t know what had gotten you to this stage. Sitting on the bathroom floor of your apartment, staring down at an empty bottle of pills lying beside you on the floor. You weren’t sure exactly what had gotten you here, weren’t sure what switch had flicked in your brain this morning that had made you feel so positively broken from the inside out.
All you know is that right now you can feel deep purple, mauve and maroon bruises developing on your knees, from being hunched over the toilet bowl for so long.
Just when you begin to think that you’re empty, just when you think that there is nothing more that could be ripped away from you, you feel your muscles tense again as more bile is released.
Obviously, you knew the concoction of pills you took wouldn’t sit well, but you didn’t realise it would kick in this fast. You’d figured you’d have time to come to terms with the end of your life, or at least have time to scribble out a not.
But, all the pills you’d forced down your throat now resided in the toilet bowl, a mixture of stomach acid and medication pooling on the surface of the water.
It’s then that you make the decision that it’s time to take a different approach.
As you palm the metal blade, the cold sharp edge gently digging into your skin.
All you can think about is your team, your family, your home.
You think of the cold meal sitting on your kitchen bench.
At first, the metal burns, it stings and sears.
Almost as painful as the burning tears leaking down your cheeks.
Slowly, as more pressure is applied, your wrist is warmed by the pooling scarlett puddle dripping down onto the bright white tiles.
You’ve been sitting on the cold floor for way too long for your liking, your wrists pressed to the flooring to try and calm the burning sensation that’s spread all across your forearms.
If you try hard enough, you can convince yourself that the burning sensation is just another football injury.
You try and picture it, lying on the grass of a pitch, your arm throbbing with pain.
It only works for as long as your brain believes it, which is a total of ten seconds.
It’s been a long day, long week, long month, long year.
A long time pretending you're happy.
A long time try to convince everyone you’re happy.
A long time trying to persuade yourself that you’re happy.
A long time lying.
You’ve become so consumed with the lies that it’s hard to not be completely committed to them at this stage.
The only thing that reminds you of exactly where you are is the cold tiles against your arms, the warm blood and cold tiles mixing together like a thunderstorm.
The only sound to be heard across your apartment is the steady sound of blood dripping onto the tiles.
You think about your goodbyes, think about how this is the end, that you are content with this being it for you.
You’ve been at peace with this decision for a long while, longer than you’d ever care to admit.
It’s not really a decision for you, more like a losing battle.
In the last year, you’ve lost more of yourself than you thought possible, you don’t feel like you belong to yourself anymore, you don’t belong to yourself anymore. At one stage, a while ago, you loved yourself, you cared about yourself, you did your best to care. It hurt, feeling like you were no longer a owner of your body, maybe if you weren’t no longer classified as two different parts would you feel this way, or maybe it would make it harder, because maybe it wouldn’t feel like you were just getting rid of a body that you no longer belonged to, this was all to easy.
Your body was now something to be sold, something to be advertised, something to be purchased by the public.
You supposed that came from being a champion, being famous, being good at what you did.
Maybe, if you’d never become a famous soccer player none of this would have happened, you wouldn’t be lying on your bathroom floor, your vision slowly blurring and your blood leaking out steadily from your arms.
You walk towards the darkness, allowing it to embrace you as you slowly approach it without any resistance.
There was no fight for you, no hope or thoughts of redemption, this was your end, your demise, your final page, and that was okay.
You let the darkness completely cloud your vision, your body slowly being wrapped up by the accepting white light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s warm and comforting and you let your body rest, let it finally have the respite that it was so desperate for.
You felt yourself fade, far away with no intention of coming back.
You’d felt like you were gone, but you were brought back by more overwhelmingly white light in your vision.
Was this heaven?
Was this the end?
Was this it?
You were in pain, your head, your throat, your arms.
It was this thought that made you think you could be wrong.
Was this hell?
Or was the overwhelming white light just your bathroom tiles?
You cancelled out the tile idea, because you could feel your eyelids were closed, which meant that the white couldn’t be sourced from your home.
Your ears were ringing and as everything began to come back to you, it became terrifyingly clear that this could not be any of your previous assumptions.
Death wasn’t this painful, death wasn’t supposed to have any feeling.
Death didn’t feel like a warm bed and it definitely wasn’t consciousness.
This wasn’t the great beyond, this wasn’t the end, this was something else that you couldn’t quite pin down.
As your senses began to come back to you, your hearing and slowly your consciousness you began to become certain that whatever this was, it was not your end.
The sound of a constant machine beeping gave you an inkling as to where you might be, you just silently prayed that you were wrong, silently prayed that you would wake up in your red soaked tile bathroom and not a hospital.
You could clean up, try again.
You couldn’t handle being forced to recover, being forced to talk about your feelings.
It wasn’t something on your agenda, it wasn’t a part of your intricate demise.
You didn’t want to open your eyes, you weren’t even sure if you could, but you wanted to understand your situation, to understand what was happening.
So, you used every piece of your energy that was left, to every so slowly crack open your eyes.
It was more overwhelming white, that took a good deal of blinking to work through, but eventually, a blurry version of your surroundings began to appear in the corners of your eyes.
It confirmed your suspicions, you were in a hospital.
Which you hated, but you had also been prepared for, it made you feel insanely unaccomplished.
It took a lot of blinking and squinting for you to fully take in your surroundings.
The part that stumped you the most, and made you feel like you were hallucinating was the sea of red hoodies that were sitting, sleeping and lying around your room.
It was dark outside, the room was still lit up with machines and the bright white light from the corridor, but you figured that most of your teammates were fast asleep.
It was good, it gave you some extra time to take in your surroundings.
You were covered in cords and wires, your body completely moving even as you tried your very hardest.
Both of your wrists were bandaged tightly, to the point where you were completely unable to even wiggle your fingers.
It was daunting to you, the complete inability to do anything but lie in the bed and bear witness to your inability to do anything besides that.
Just as you were beginning to get truly distressed, one of the red blobs in your peripheral popped up out of their seat, making their way over to your bedside and tracing their hand over your one.
“Hey, ducky, it’s okay, I’ve got you, deep breaths. You’re okay.”
It’s Beth’s voice that hits your ears, and it has the reverse effect, making you more stressed out about the fact that she’s here witnessing this.
“Honey, it’s okay, big deep breaths for me, you’re okay.”
Beth’s hand moves up to your chest, your chest that is covered with a scratchy hospital gown.
“I shouldn’t be here, I-I-I’m supposed to be dead.”
Your words are croaky and chesty, almost unrecognisable but Beth manages to decipher them, and it almost brings tears to her eyes.
“Hey, hey, absolutely not. I thank every single god that you're here and awake right now, it is a miracle that you are here.”
This was not a miracle.
This was a fucking tragedy.
Beth’s face though, it was enough to send a deep pain to your stomach, deep guttural pain that hurt more than anything else.
“S-should be dead, wish I was dead.”
Beth’s face just drops, tears springing from her eyes and falling down onto the hospital sheets.
“Ducky, I promise you, we are all going to try our very hardest to make sure you never feel like that again. Get some more rest, we can sort this all out in the morning but you need your sleep, your body needs rest.”
You didn’t have energy to argue with Beth, so you nodded, relaxing back against the pillows and letting sleep and darkness return to the forefront of your brain.
When you awoke for the second time, it was less painful.
The sun was up this time, your room flooded with early sunbeams.
Overall the hospital was abuzz, to your extreme displeasure.
You were met with the eyes of some of your closest teammates, your words under the stars with Beth at the forefront of your mind as you looked at the extreme disappointment and sadness playing across their faces.
It hit home for you.
They all shared the same expression, all of you sharing the same situation that none of you wanted to be a part of.
“Hey Ducky, how are you feeling?”
Katie’s voice breaks the silence, her tone is full of emotion and you watch her mouth twitch to the side as she obviously tries her hardest to conceal the emotions that she is feeling.
“Like I wish I was dead.”
Nobody laughs, nobody says anything besides purse their lips and bite their tongues.
“We’re so glad you aren’t though, and we’re going to help you.”
We’re going to help you.
It’s five words, seven syllables, and the words that you least want to hear.
“Why couldn’t you just let me die?”
Your words manage to bring tears to the eyes of some of your teammates, you don’t care, all you can think about is the fact that someone, one of your teammates, had the fucking audacity to save you.
Leah’s the person to stand up, and take the same spot that Beth did last night, directly by your side, her hand resting on your own.
“Why didn’t I let you die? Why did I perform half an hour of chest compressions waiting for an ambulance whilst you bled out on your bathroom floor? Because you have a life that’s worth living, you have a gift for football, you are one of the brightest, happiest, smartest, best people I have ever met y/n, and this isn’t the end for you, it can’t be.”
You couldn’t meet Leah’s eyes, not with the knowledge that she had done this to you, she was the reason you were lying in a hospital bed instead of a coffin.
“You should have left me to die.”
Your words are broken, split in half by the knowledge that you were still fucking alive.
“You have a life worth living, kid, you’re only 21, there is so much more you have to give and I’ll be damned if this is it for you.”
You can’t meet any of your teammates' eyes, because it’s clear that they completely disagree with your actions, but there is still a part of you in your head telling you that everything would be better off if you were dead.
Your teammates wouldn’t have to pretend they care, they wouldn’t have too busy themselves with trying to save you from your impending death.
If you had any choice in it, you wouldn’t be this way.
If you could, you’d be happy and smiley, sweet, kind and soft. You’d be consistently happy, you would be the person smiling no matter what and someone easy to talk to, someone easy to love, someone that people wouldn’t let slip away.
You don’t have a choice though, this is who you are.
You are rough edges. You are a poorly labelled bottle of poison that people choke on as soon as they come into contact. You are a box of glass with a fragile sticker plastered all over and yet you still break, harming anyone who comes into contact.
When life gets hard, you quit.
There’s no way to explain why, everyone loves you until life is real and you need help, everyone is understanding until life isn’t pretty anymore.
You’ve never been loved through your lowest moments.
Never been loved when you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, let alone shower.
Never been loved when the only thing that's playing in your head is how much you hate yourself.
Never been loved when the part of you that everyone loves suddenly dies.
Somedays, you are fairly certain that you are impossible to love. You don't know the kind of happiness love provides, you don’t know how to open up or trust, because no one ever loved you enough for that.
Other days, you remember that you are only 21, and maybe one day it won’t be this way.
You wish you were tender, you wished you were glowy and soft.
You wished you were Beth or Jen, always happy and ready to make anyone who was feeling down feel a little bit better.
“Why couldn’t you have just let me die?”
Your cheeks are practically drowning in tears, Leah reaches up to wipe them, you try to stop her but you instead moan in pain as the searing burn spreads backup your arms.
At the sound of your discomfort Leah is recoiling immediately, her hands falling down to your tightly wrapped arms and pressing them gently back down into the blankets.
“Hey, no, these need rest, you did some serious nerve damage, we won’t know the severity until you’ve got some strength back.”
Fuck.
“Nerve damage?”
Collateral damage had never crossed your mind, because you weren’t supposed to be alive right now, so why would collateral damage matter?
“Yeah, you could have severed or done some serious damage to your nerves, if they are cut then you’ll need a nerve replacement to regain the sensation.”
You blink a few times, staring up at the roof and willing the tears leaking down your face to fo away.
“I should have died.”
Leah, in all of her honesty, nods.
“Yeah, you should have. They had to pump your stomach to get rid of all the drugs you’d consumed, and you need 38 stitches and three pints of blood. You should be dead, but you aren’t and the fact that you aren’t is a fucking miracle.”
You wouldn’t call this a miracle, not from any point of view.
“When can I play again?”
You’re not sure if you’ll make it till that point, but it’s a question worth asking, there are big things coming up, on both a national and club level.
“Excuse me?”
Leah is shocked, and extremely taken aback by your question, so much so that she just stutters over her words.
Before she chokes on her words, Katie steps in.
“Kid, you almost died yesterday.”
You shrug, you figured it was a question worth asking, but Katie’s voice told you that to her it was a stupid question.
“A week? Two weeks? A month?”
You're grasping for something, trying to find the long straw in a pile of short ones.
“Kid, you tried to kill yourself, you almost succeeded, there are bigger things to focus on for you right now then getting on the pitch.”
A part of your brain disagrees so heavily.
“I have to go, they’ll take my passport and my licence and I’ll never be allowed to play again.”
All of the girls share knowing looks, but the general idea is that there is a general discomfort across the room.
“Ducky, look at me.”
It’s Katie’s strong Irish accent, the voice she uses when she’s captaining her national team that forces your eyes from the roof to meet her own.
“They can’t make you do anything, you need to be here right now. There is a treatment plan, you tried to kill yourself, you can’t just leave, it doesn’t work that way.”
Your brain is screaming inside of your skull, pounding against the bone and muscle.
“Jorge never let us take a break, he told us if we ever tried to leave that they would take all of our identification, and our licence to play, I have to play, I was born to play, it’s the only thing I have.”
Slowly, without the efforts of any of the girls, you are starting to unearth some of the serious problems you’ve been dealing with for the last little while, especially coming off of the world cup.
They’d all noticed the change, noticed how after your national teams win, how parts of you had changed.
They all had their assumptions, especially after what happened with Jenni Hermoso and after some conversations with some of their Spanish companions, but nobody could provide an explanation for what was happening behind closed doors.
It was no secret to any of your teammates that Jorge was your biggest critiquer, you and Mapi had tried sticking up to him at the beginning of his career with the Spanish team, and it had landed you both in deep water.
Mapi, had been intelligent enough to leave the toxic environment when it had become too much, when it had seriously begun to affect her mental health.
You however, were not as good at identifying your emotions, and taking care of them, you pushed yourself to the point of breakage, this was a perfect example of that.
“Ducky, Vilda is gone now, you don’t have to worry, I’ll call Alexia, she’ll understand and she’ll talk to them for you. You need a break sweetheart, you need to talk about why you're struggling, there are bigger things to focus on right now than your career.”
You couldn’t disagree more, you were in your prime, you didn’t have time to take a break.
You also didn’t have time to live, there was nothing that plagued your mind more than the idea of trying again, as soon as you could remove yourself from the conservatorship of your arsenal teammates.
“I need to leave, I want to be discharged.”
It’s an attempt at regaining some of your dignity, one that doesn’t last very long.
“You’re on a 72 hour psych hold, 24/7 supervision whilst you're recovering. Everyday you will see a psychologist and after the 72 hours they’ll deem if you are ready to leave, if they believe you can be trusted to leave then you’ll go home with Beth and Viv for the foreseeable future. For the first few weeks, you’ll be under complete supervision, you’ll see a therapist every few days and once you’ve made some serious progress we’ll look at getting you back into training.”
You forced yourself to take a deep breath, and a big gulp, trying to force down the lump that was prominent in your throat.
“You can’t do that, I don’t want to see a therapist, I don’t need to see a therapist.”
Most of the women in the room roll their eyes.
“Ducky, we’ve all been worried about you for weeks, but you refuse to talk to any of us, clearly something led to this and if you won’t talk to us about it you need to talk to a professional.”
You don’t want to admit that a part of you is secretly terrified of seeing a therapist, because what if they see right through you? What if all they see is all of your insecurities and imperfections, just as Jorge did?
“I can’t see a therapist, don’t wanna.”
Before Katie can speak, previously silent Viv stands up at her seat and joins the crowd around your bedside.
“I know it's scary, kid. I started seeing someone when I was around your age and struggling. It was so hard, it was terrifying. I didn’t want to admit I was struggling, and then one of my teammates caught me harming myself whilst having an anxiety attack. I had to go see one to play again, and it sucked to start with, but it helped me so much, we all just want the best for you, and you need help, there is nothing wrong with accepting that.”
The remaining women sitting in the room stand up, surrounding your bedside.
Beth, Leah, Katie, Caitlin, Lia, Kim, Steph, Viv, Jen, Laura and Lotte.
It’s a crowd, and the taller girls have to stand behind because they don’t all fit, and even if they aren’t directly hugging you, you are overwhelmed with the amount of love radiating off of them, it’s too much.
“No-no, I can’t do this, you guys can’t do this to me. There is nothing wrong with me, I’m fine, I’m fucking fine.”
It��s clear that none of them believe you, you expect them to step back, but they don’t.
“No you’re not liefje, people who seriously try to take their lives are not okay. You don’t have to be, we’re all here to support you, you just need to let us, let us be here for you, let us be a shoulder for you to cry on.”
Your breaths shudder, you can’t meet any of their eyes, it hurts you to know that they all think this of you.
“I didn’t mean to.”
It’s a lie that you push out, you're trying to find anything to argue about, anything to distract from what was actually happening.
“Ducky, it would be okay if you did. You’ve been struggling and it’s understandable. All we want from now on is for you to be honest with us, no judgement, just tell us what you are feeling.”
Beth’s voice is so soft, you almost want to give in, but Vilda is in your head, screaming at you for being weak and vulnerable after passing out on the pitch after playing with the flu, and your reminded once again that there isn’t space in the world for people like you to have feelings.
“I want you to fucking believe me when I tell you that I am fine and stop suffocating me.”
All of the women share looks above your head, and somehow, telepathically, majority of them sag off from the huddle, leaving you room.
You're left with the main group of girls who have been controlling the situation.
Viv, Beth, Leah, Kim and Katie.
“liefde, you clearly aren’t fine. Whatever it is, you can talk to us, we’re here for you, whatever you need.”
It shouldn’t cause you to break down, but the pain in your heart and the look in Viv’s eyes sends you barrelling over a very high cliff.
You're sobbing, and struggling to breathe, blood rushing to your ears and preventing you from feeling anything besides the deep depression that has been building up in you for years now.
It hits you like a double decker bus.
Before you can really start to panic though, someone is climbing onto the bed beside you, bringing you into their lap and arms and embracing you.
“It’s okay ducky, we’ve got you, you’re safe with us.”
The sweet nothings are murmured lowly into your ear, the genuinity continuing until the mixture of a mental breakdown and panic attack subside and you’re just a tired, pained mess.
“M’ sorry.”
Your words are hummed into the chest of whoever has climbed in beside you in the hospital bed.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, do you want to talk about it?”
The long answer is no, you don’t want to talk about any of it, but you can’t help the sense that a part of you might feel a little bit better if you let something off your chest.
“Talk about what?”
It’s a genuine question, because there is so much happening in your brain that you aren’t even sure where to start.
“Whatever you’d like.”
You think that’s a stupid statement, because for all Leah knows you could want to talk about the weather, and that doesn’t seem particularly helpful.
“Jorge?”
It seems like starting with the source of your problems probably saves yourself from a lot of beating astound the bush.
“If that’s what you want, ducky, we’re all just here to listen to you, no matter what it is.”
You peak your head out of Leah’s sweater, and you’re met with the supportive faces of the four other women sitting around your bedside.
“When I started for him I was 16. For a long while, the older girls shielded me from him, Mapi and Jenni especially. But my young innocence only lasted so long, when I was 19, he did some really fucked up things, that was when he changed. Mapi, Claudia, Patri and I were the ones who spoke out, and it was the right thing to do, but it put a target on our backs immediately, especially with Alexia out with her ACL injury and unable to support us all. He was so mean to us all, always criticising, never giving us breaks, running us till we were sick or injuring ourselves. He used to wake us up at 2am in the morning to go running because he said we were getting lazy. It was around then that they all signed the statement to withdraw, and I would have loved to do it with them, but I just couldn’t. It only got worse from there for me, especially during the world cup, I was having panic attacks everyday and he couldn’t have cared less. All he did was push me, to the point where Alexia had to mind me everyday because of how bad I was getting.”
You took a deep breath, you wouldn’t allow yourself to look at them, not right now, not until you were done.
“That was when I started to think about killing myself. It wasn’t because I don’t love my life and my friends, but, Jorge was devoting his life to making mine a living hell, and nobody wants that. He never had anything nice to say to me, always criticism, always negativity. Then we won, and none of it mattered, but then there was everything in the press, and I was being slaughtered for all of it because apparently I was enabling his abuse, and I can’t handle that, I can’t handle being told that I enabled abuse that I was dealt for years, maybe I should have told someone, but who? All of the physios, all the doctors, they all worked for him, nobody was going to turn on him. He created an environment where all of us girls were miserable and competing against each other for no reason.”
Leah stopped you with a bone crushing hug.
They’d all heard stories about the Spanish Women’s team, speculation, rumours, hearsay.
But hearing first hand experience from their teammate, somebody they loved, it killed them all on the insides, because how could someone treat their ducky like that? How could someone be so horrible?
“Thank you for trusting us to tell us that ducky. You didn’t deserve any of that, nobody does. From now on, we’re all here for you, you don’t have to hide it all, no more hiding, we’re here for you every step of the way.”
You try your hardest to believe Leah, but it’s a uphill battle, especially when your brain is conditioned to think she is lying.
Leah seemed to notice how spent you were, your body completely relaxed against her, your state near catatonic.
“Get some sleep ducky, we’ve got you, I promise we’ll do everything to make sure you never feel like this again.”
When Leah says it, you believe her, because there is one thing that your mind can’t betray you about, and that is that Leah, and all the other women surrounding you would do anything to protect you, and to make sure that you felt loved, to make up for the lack that you’d been experiencing for the last while.
#woso#woso community#leah williamson#arsenal wfc#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson x arsenal#arsenalwfc#arsenal x reader#arsenal women#arsenal#leah williamson imagine#kim little#beth mead#woso imagines#woso x reader#woso imagine#love angst#baby vivi#vivianne miedema#meadema#katie mccabe#katie mccabe x reader#kim little x reader
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If you cried, please let me know. I cried while writing this and now I feel like a wimp
Jen Beattie x Teen!Reader
Arsenal WFC x Teen!Reader
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You awoke to the creaking of your bedroom door, followed by the dipping of your bed.
"Hey, kiddo," your mam's voice soft, fingers carding through your hair. "Time to wake up. We've got a big day ahead of us."
You cracked your eyes open, blinking rapidly at the light streaming through your window. "Five more minutes?"
She smiled fondly. "Sorry, kiddo. We've got to finish packing, and then we're gonna meet the girls at Colney one last time before they send us off at the airport."
A few months ago, you and your mam had received almost identical offers from the newest team in the NWSL, Bay FC. Your mam had jumped at the promise of something new, but you'd hesitated.
Arsenal was all you'd ever known. You'd grown up in the academy, winning tournaments left and right before signing your first professional contract for the gunners at fifteen years old.
You had memories of Katie chasing you through the Emirates, practicing pens with Kim, and doing media with Leah. If you left, you wouldn't get to make any more of those memories that were so near and dear to your heart.
It was a difficult decision to make, one that your mam assured you was totally up to you. Any of the girls would take you in in a heartbeat if you wanted to stay.
You hated change, and you hated the position Bay FC's offer put you in. Whether you stayed or left, your life wouldn't be the same.
Stay, and be an ocean away from your mam.
Leave, and abandon everything you'd ever known since you were a wee child.
Stay or leave.
Your mam or your found family.
Pain or pain.
Stay.
Leave.
Stay.
Leave.
Realistically, as much as you dwelled on the decision, the choice was made the second you opened your email.
You could never leave your mam. Your mam who never forced you to do anything you didn't want to. Your mam who always made time for you. Your mam who would stay home from matches or training when you were sick. Your mam who always supported you and loved you.
So, you accepted. You accepted the offer to leave the WSL behind, comforted only by the knowledge that your mam would be right next to you the whole time.
It had hurt to accept the California team's offer, a metaphorical knife to the gut, but your teammates had reminded you that you were still in the early stages of your career and could come back later on. That had brought you some sense of relief, knowing that they would gladly welcome you back if you wanted to return.
But now, on the final day of your life in London, it all came crashing down, and you suddenly did not want to leave.
"O-kayyy," you mumbled, rolling off the bed. "When do we leave? To Colney?"
Your mam extended her hand, pulling you up. "In an hour. Get the rest of your stuff, and we'll have breakfast on the way."
-------------------
"He—oof!" You grunted as someone tackled you into a hug, taking you both to the floor.
"I'm gonna miss you, kiddo," Leah's voice wavered. "So, so much."
You squeezed her tightly. "I'll miss you too, Lee. Who'll make fun of your five year-old diet now?"
Katie joined you on the floor, stealing you from Leah's embrace to pull you into her own. "I will, kid. Don't ye' worry."
Leah wiped away a stray tear. "You remember this, Y/N. Once a gunner, always a gunner. You hear me? You'll always have a place hear at Arsenal."
You smiled sadly as yet another one of your teammates stole you for a hug. "Thanks, Lee. I'm gonna miss you all so, so much."
"She was proper crabbit this mornin'," your mam said with a sad smile of her own. "She cried, yelled at me, cried again, then walked into the door frame because she couldn't see through her tears."
"Maaaam!" You turned red as your teammates laughed. "That didn't happen!"
Kim ruffled your hair. "It's okay, sweetheart. You did that exact thing with a goalpost when you were younger."
You tried unsuccessfully to hold in your laughter. "Kimmy!"
Your mam grinned. "Nothin' I'd rather be doing during my last day as a gunner than making fun of Y/N with you all."
Unfortunately for you, that was all that you and your teammates did for the remainder of your time together. Make fun of you. Oh, to be the baby of the gunners.
-------------------
"I don't want you to leave," Kyra murmured, gripping your shoulders desperately as your flight was called. "You're like... my little sister."
You softened at the uncharacteristically wholesome confession, hugging the Aussie who you'd grown so close to tightly. "Keep in touch, Ky. We'll be sure to visit."
"You promise?" you'd never heard Kyra so vulnerable, not even when Australia had lost to England in the Semifinals and been knocked out of the World Cup.
"I promise. I love you."
"I love you too, Y/N."
It was Kim who scooped you up into a hug last, the Scotswoman practically having watched you grown up since your birth. Your second parent in the absence of your father.
"We'll miss you here, kiddo," she whispered in your ear as you tried to hold back tears. It was almost comical, the short Midfielder having to stand on her tippi toes to do so, barely able to reach you even as you leaned down to hear her. "You'd better call or I'm boardin' the nearest fly to San Francisco and takin' you back home."
You patted her on the back before pulling away, averting your eyes before you started bawling. "I will, Kimmy. I will."
As you and your mam boarded the plane, you shoved your fist into your mout to choke back a sob.
Sitting in your seat, the tearful goodbyes of your teammates echoed in your head. They hadn't wanted you to go, and you hadn't entirely wanted go either, torn between two sides, but you'd known this was the right decision. You'd stay with your mam, broadening your horizons and giving yourself more experience.
Staring out the window, you took in the landscape. The English landscape that you'd known your whole life, left behind as you started a new adventure in the United States.
As the plane took off, Leah's voice echoed in your head.
Once a gunner, always a gunner.
#I suck#angsty angst#woso x reader#arsenal women x reader#jen beattie#jen beattie x reader#kim little x reader#kim little#kyra cooney cross#frida maanum#katie mccabe#leah williamson#Stupid bay fc#arsenal women#arsenal wfc
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i want you to be (the only one for me)
| leah williamson x reader
| angst
| 10.3k
| a/n: part II of this fic based on this ask!
thank you guys for all your lovely messages on the first part! two months later and we finally got a part two 😅. huge huge s/o to @rockyren for beta reading this! hopefully you guys like this one as much as the first! happy reading! 🫶
(read part i here)
~~~
Two days.
Two days is all it took for Leah to realize how miserable she was.
If the blonde thought that you being distant earlier was painful, then she was sorely unready for how bad your actual absence would hurt.
There was something utterly unsettling in the way the car seemed so empty as she’d entered it, a lump in her throat forming as her drives to and from practice were now blanketed with silence, a stark contrast to the music-filled joyrides she would have with you.
From what used to be one hand casually on the steering wheel with the other firmly intertwined with yours was now both hands tightly gripping the steering, knuckles nearly white as they resisted the urge to reach out into the nothingness to her left, to the ghost of your presence, a taunting reminder of what she had and then lost.
Trips that were once accompanied by your shared laughter and obnoxious singing now consisted of pure quiet, the radio long since on mute. Jaw clenched as her eyes would, without fail, get misty each time she sat in the driver’s seat, the empty seat beside her remained a constant reminder of how you’d left.
The drastic change left her feeling hollow, chest wound up so tight as the space in the car felt like too much and too little- felt like it was wrong for the blonde to be here without you sitting in the passenger seat- in your seat.
She could almost imagine your presence, having become so accustomed to it over the past months.
Now, every time her hand mindlessly wandered over to blindly reach for yours, all she was met with was cool air and an aching heart, a shuddering breath escaping her as reality came crashing down.
And if the car rides hurt, god the way her chest constricted as she’d return to an empty apartment each evening was another story.
It was as if the hand around her heart was tightening with every passing second as she’d walk through the dark apartment, the weight on her shoulders heavier with each footfall of hers.
Only her kitbag to be placed by the door. Just a single pair of trainers on the shoe rack. No trailing body behind her own as she’d enter- the once lively four walls now barren, devoid of emotion.
With just her pair of footsteps echoing throughout, only dinner for one to be sorted, grief buried itself in her chest as she flicked on the tv, mindlessly scrolling, shaky breaths escaping as your half finished nature documentaries taunted her on the ‘continue watching’ list.
Sure, it felt wrong to be here, in your apartment, without you, but she didn’t think she could bear to return to her house, to return to a place where pieces of you didn’t exist- at least not as much as they did here.
There were snippets of you tucked everywhere in the apartment. In the coffee table that held an ever growing stack of sticky notes you’d never read.
In the records that were nestled away neatly under the tv, your favourites jutting out slightly, something you justified with the words ‘easy access’ and a smirk as the blonde would complain about them looking messy.
In the way Leah couldn’t find it in herself to close the blinds, memories of you standing by the large windows overlooking the city at all hours of the day playing painfully in her mind whenever she tried.
And yes, of course there were remnants of you scattered throughout because this was your apartment, but there were also chunks of you because it was your apartment- because you being you, you loved so hard, so unconditionally, so unabashedly, that it couldn’t help but seep into the walls, into the worn-out book covers and spines, into the cushion that permanently rested against the arm of the couch, your tendency to lay on the couch post practice practically a ritual now.
Love couldn’t help but bury itself in every little thing, each item precious and cared for deeply.
There were hints of you tucked into every inch inside these four walls and Leah couldn’t help but grasp at them in a futile attempt to hold on to your love- love she didn’t know if she’d ever get the chance to be bathed in again.
So with tiredness buried in her chest, Leah tried her best, collecting her grief quietly as she’d see your favourite mug on the drying rack. Another ounce of it bundled deep in her heart when she couldn’t bring herself to cook in the mornings, too many memories of breakfasts you’d cook as the blonde would be draped across your back lazily as you hummed a song only you’d know.
With a hole in her heart, she’d gotten up these past few mornings, choosing to head to a nearby cafe instead of entering the kitchen- the cold sheets that met her hand as she’d instinctively reached across the bed already ruining her a day that had barely started.
She didn’t want to talk about how she went out of her way to head to the bakery slightly farther from your house, purposely going past the store nearby that you both frequented often. How she avoided it like the plague since you had left because she didn’t think she could order there without a tear or two falling, silently crying as she ordered.
So while the ghost of you haunted her, as she lived in an home that was yours but a shell without your presence, she quietly begged the universe to convince you to come back, hoping, praying, waiting endlessly for a chance to mend things, because, if she was honest, nothing felt okay, nothing felt right ever since you had left- ever since you weren’t there to love the blonde anymore.
~~~
Before the blonde knew it, it had been a little over three days of your absence.
Three days of Leah quietly letting her heart constrict a bit more, the smile on her face becoming tenser, more forced.
Seventy two hours of the blonde looking at your contact in her phone, the number staring back at her tauntingly, daring her to dial it.
Four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes of contemplating whether she should send a text or a call. She didn’t want to pressure you, or worse, make you any more upset.
Sighing to herself before locking her phone for the millionth time today, she tossed it to the side, head falling ungracefully into her hands.
With every passing second you were gone, with each minute she spent alone, in an empty apartment that didn’t feel like home, the heart of it gone the second you had sped out of the parking lot days ago, it felt as if her world was slowly crashing down, her unable to do anything but watch in horror at the destruction occurring around her.
The most she had seen you since was the practice this morning, you appearing on the pitch mere seconds before it had started, an anomaly considering you’d often be in earlier than needed, wanting to do some of your own warm-ups before practice. It’s one of the things you and the blonde agreed on, her never needing much convincing to join you.
Today though, there you were, seconds before you had to be, once energetic, now quietly running through the drills as you hung your head low, coasting by, avoiding Leah’s piercing staring.
You ignored the way she shuffled closer to you, inconspicuously taking a step back each time she got nearer.
You did your best not to shiver as you felt her gaze on you multiple times throughout the two-hour long practice, a shaky breath escaping you as you realized the roles were reversed from the day in the club- except you both were hurting.
And as much as a piece of you craved to gather the other girl in your embrace and take the brokenness out of her dull orbs, you knew you couldn’t- not with the way she had grasped your heart and let it fall so many times before, the poor thing nearly shattered into pieces by now- bits you cradled so gently now as they cut you, doing your best to put them together, scars littering your hands.
Even if you wanted to comfort the midfielder, you couldn’t find it in yourself to, for your own sake, for your own sanity.
And, in your defence, while you had a very likely feeling that Leah wasn’t doing great, her dark eye bags anything to go by, you weren’t okay right now either.
You’d been crashing with Steph since you had left the game that day, and it hadn’t been pretty if you were honest.
Having spent the better part of the first twenty-four hours newly single cooped up in the spare bedroom, you’d been cocooned in one of the fluffiest blankets the defender could find, an old Arsenal hoodie of Leah’s that you kept in the trunk of you car fitted on your frame and matching your bloodshot eyes.
It was only the second night that you had even left the room, head aching from the never-ending tears, blotchy cheeks and swollen eyes, a dead giveaway of your heartbroken state.
It wasn’t supposed to end like this.
Hell, it wasn’t supposed to end at all.
But you didn’t know how many more ‘maybes’ you could take.
How many more times you could handle taking a photo with the blonde only to be quietly asked not to post it anywhere.
How many times you could watch as she acted like she was single, only to join you in your bed when night fell and there was nobody but the two of you to witness it.
You’d been grateful that while Steph had been shocked to find out about your relationship with the English skipper, she hadn’t said a word to anyone else, taking somewhat of an older sister role, immediately protective of you.
It’s why no one questioned the distance between you and Leah, more than accustomed to how you both would only sometimes interact, blissfully unaware of the rift between the two of you, only the left-back in the loop.
So you hid behind Steph throughout the practice that morning, dodging each and every single attempt Leah made to talk to you, counting down the minutes until it would be over so you could escape.
Communicating with the others only as much as you needed to, you ran the drills, grateful that your position as a winger meant you didn’t see much of Leah.
It was only when it came to five-a-side did you interact with her, keeping it minimal as you quietly asked Lina to switch, you now attacking on the right instead of your usual left to lessen your contact with the blonde.
You held your breath as Jonas announced the teams for five-a-side, only letting it go when play had started and the two of you were on different teams.
And as you walked to the other side, trading spots, you couldn’t help but take a brief glance at the skipper, immediately turning your head to the side as you saw her face fall, the smallest hints of hurt flashing through her eyes, unrecognisable to everyone but you.
Pressing your arms tightly to your sides, hands clenched into fists as they fought to reach out, you did your best to focus on the movement of the ball.
Watching it be passed around in front of you, you begged your mind to figure out the lapses in the defence, only for your gaze to fall on the blonde and your mind to go wandering yet again.
It wasn’t fair that someone could look so beautiful even after sweating for nearly two hours.
Closing your eyes as the thought ran through your mind, you took a deep breath in before trying to refocus on the game, willing for your heart to get it together.
How was it fair that even broken up she still had this effect on you, playing with your heart strings ever so teasingly.
You knew loving her had been hard, but you’d never known breaking up with her would’ve been even harder.
Sighing as you got passed the ball, you did your best to stay professional, your broken heart hidden carefully away with the rest of your relationship- a secret heartbreak for a secret relationship, how cruelly fitting.
~~~
It’s later that same day that Leah’s patiently waiting at home for your return.
She had hoped that maybe you had changed your mind by now, or at least maybe have decided to swing by in order to grab a change of clothes, or do laundry, or maybe grab that book you had started a week ago.
Really, something- anything- that meant that she’d get to see you. Anything so that she could fix what she had broken.
You’d been miles away from the blonde at practice and Leah couldn’t remember the last time she felt so small.
Sure, she’d met with multiple sports personalities, royalty, execs of some of the biggest companies for partnerships but she couldn’t recall the last time she felt so out of place.
The absence of your mere presence beside her, brought the defender a sense of unrest she didn’t know existed. She’d gotten used to having your constant presence around her, a quiet love that manifested itself as relief, any tension almost immediately slipping away whenever you were near the blonde.
With it gone, all Leah could do was sit in agony, searching for a sense of comfort that she knew she wouldn’t find.
Hands balled into fists as she sat on the couch, an old UWCL game playing on the TV, her notebook long forgotten as was her attempt to distract herself by taking notes, the blonde let herself fall back into the couch, palms of her hand harshly pressing into her eyes.
Three days.
Three days had passed with you not here and Leah was an absolute wreck.
Leg bouncing anxiously, a half-eaten takeout haphazardly tossed into the fridge, hair a mess from the countless times she had ran her hand through it, the blonde was on edge, perking up at the tiniest sounds she heard, hoping that one of them would be you.
But as hours passed, afternoon turning to dusk, dusk to night, Leah sat on the couch, no sign of your return in the distance.
Fuck.
~~~
Five days.
That’s how long it took for Leah to come to terms with the fact that she was, in fact, in the wrong.
Five long, lonesome days is what it took for her to realize that there was a difference between private and secret.
To realize that maybe if she’d been confident enough to keep it private, you’d still be here, in your apartment, in her arms.
That maybe if she hadn’t been terrified of what people would say, or the focus that would be placed on you both, she wouldn’t be alone right now, heart in pieces, body exhausted, no thanks to herself.
If she was honest, these past few days had given her more than plenty of time to realize she didn’t want to lose you. You were the best parts of her. You loved the worst parts of her and still stayed.
Yet, here she was, about to push you away with her stubbornness- so stuck in protecting her identity, her career, her future, herself, she blissfully ignored that she’d been hurting you the whole time.
It’s why, even though it was nearly quarter past twelve the night before another training day, the blonde sat in the bed with her laptop in her hands as her eyebrows furrowed at the screen.
Sighing in an attempt to fend off the oncoming tears, she rubbed furiously at her eyes.
After having convinced herself it wasn’t a good idea to ring up your friends and the teammates you helped close in an attempt to find you, the midfielder had settled upon planning on how she could convince you to give her another chance.
It’s sometime between figuring out whether she should bring you your favourite to practise, wary of the other girl’s reactions, that the defender’s phone buzzes, jolting her out of focus.
Heart leaping at the thought that it might be you, the blonde scrambles to find her phone in the mess of sheets.
Paper’s flying as dug underneath to locate the source of the vibrations, she could feel her heart pounding, nearly rising to her throat as she pulled her phone from beneath the papers.
Lia.
The three letters was all it took for her heart to break again, shoulder’s dropping as her stomach sank.
Dejectedly hitting swiping to open the notification, she swallowed hard as she scanned the message, Lia asking whether they were still on for breakfast before practice tomorrow- somewhat of a ritual over the past few months, every few weeks before late morning training a recent tradition for the two to catch up.
Eyes flickering between the pages strewn across the bed and the tabs mockingly facing her on the laptop screen, the words nearly typed themselves as Leah watched.
‘Can’t. Got plans. Sorry.’
She had more important plans tomorrow….namely to get her shit together and get you back.
Not bothering to wait for a reply, mind already determined, she threw her phone away and let herself fall back into the head, praying that the gamble she was about to take would work.
She could only hope.
~~~
Five days.
Five days without a single text, a single phone call, a single voicemail.
Leah had five days and you had zero indication that maybe she ever even wanted you at all.
Sighing to yourself as you dropped the phone onto the couch beside you, you could feel Steph’s judgemental stare.
“You could just call her, y’know? Phones work both ways…”
Eyes shooting over from where you were looking out the window, you shrugged your shoulders in response, a cold shiver running through you, mind a mess.
“I could…but why…”
Swallowing to hold back the tears that you knew were coming, you shifted in your seat in an attempt to get rid of the anxiousness in your spine.
“I could, but she’s had the time to as well. She’s had five whole days for fuck’s sake. And what did I get in that time? A text? A call? Any indication that maybe she misses me? Misses our relationship? That it meant anything to her? None. Not a single one Steph.”
Closing your eyes as you felt your heart clench as the words that had been floating around in your mind finally rang through the quiet house, you clenched your hand in a fist.
Wiping away the one tear that had escaped with your other hand, you took a shuddering breath before continuing.
“I’ve spent the last two weeks wondering if I was ever good enough for her- if I ever meant anything to her. Two weeks telling myself that maybe she cared an ounce of what I do. That she actually wanted me in her life, in her future.”
“And you know what? You know what Steph? I don’t think she does. I don’t think so. Because maybe, maybe, if this all meant anything to her, something to her, I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you right now. Maybe she’d be with me. I’d be in my apartment, with her, wrapped up beside her. But I’m not. I’m not and she’s not the one beside me. She’s not, and I think that’s telling enough.”
Breathing heavily, your heart pounding as you felt it constrict, you did your best to swallow the lump in your throat and pick your book back up.
And as Steph stayed quiet, you silently wondered if you ever meant anything to the blonde, the question continuing to haunt you as quiet voices in your mind answered with resounding ‘no’s’.
~~~
The drive the next morning to practice is silent, but Leah’s mind isn’t.
Variations of apologies are floating through, the blonde testing the ones she likes out loud, wincing as they gradually sounded worse and worse.
I’m sorry that I didn’t treat you right.
I’m sorry that I hurt you so many times…give me one more chance?
I’m sorry for being a daft.
Inwardly sighing at how dumb the last one sounded, she shook her own head.
Maybe she’d just let the moment guide her, let her heart say the words. Surely it couldn’t go wrong, right?
You’d always been a sucker for romantic, heartfelt confessions, constantly swooning when the two of you would watch romance movies, you nudging the blonde and making little comments whenever the lead actor did anything chivalrous.
Taking a handful of deep breaths as she pulled into the parkade, the blonde parked swiftly as she noted the time.
Fifty-three minutes before practice…surely you were going to be here soon.
Armed with her kitbag, cleats, two coffees, and a small bouquet of sunflowers- your favourite- Leah trudged inside, face set in a determined glare, quietly glad that no one else was here yet.
~~~
At this point, Leah figured that if you even showed up at all, it’d be a miracle.
There was something humiliating about sitting in an empty locker room, bouquet of flowers in hand, two coffees, and only one person.
If Leah looked hard enough at the ground, she was sure she’d find the piece of her breaking heart there.
She’d been hopeful as she had entered the room, fifty-one minutes before anyone was due to show up, six minutes before you typically used to show up.
By the forty-fourth minute before practice, she wondered if you’d hit traffic on the way in, or maybe lost your trainer (you had an uncanny habit of losing just one- don’t ask Leah how, she didn’t know either, but she found it for you each time).
By the thirty-seventh, doubt started to creep in.
What if you were finally, truly done with her shit.
What if that last game had unknowingly been your last straw- her last chance.
What if you’d finally given up and moved teams because of the blonde.
Maybe you’d found someone else.
As each thought got more ridiculous than the previous, anxiety creeping up her neck, Leah could feel herself sink further into her own locker, her coffee long gone, yours nearly frozen.
At the twenty third minute, cutting it close to when the rest of the girls were about to come in, the skipper picked up the flowers and her own broken heart, placing the bundle gently at the bottom of your locker in a desperate plea that maybe you’d see she wanted you back. That she was willing to try.
Pouring out the last of your coffee in the sink as loud voices of fellow teammates neared, the blonde quietly tucked away the sinking feeling in her stomach, holding her breath as she strained her ears to find your voice.
If not before practice, then she’d catch you afterwards. She needed to.
Silently hoping you’d see the little note she’d tucked in the flowers, a failsafe she had ready (thank God), the blonde plastered a fake smile as the door to the locker room swung open, making her way to her own locker as she greeted everyone but the one person she wanted to see the most.
She didn’t know how long she had left, and most definitely didn’t want to test it out.
~~~
Cursing to yourself, you sprinted into the change room just minutes before practice started, nearly crashing into the door before you just barely managed to get it open.
God, you were late.
You’d come in separately this morning, foregoing riding with Steph to instead look at new apartments this morning.
Since the night you’d broken up with the other girl, you hadn’t yet visited your home once, not yet ready to face the harsh reality that no overconfident blonde defender would be deftly coming and going as she pleased.
Coupled with the fact that too many memories that you couldn’t bear to recall would haunt you if you ever returned, you’d decided late last night that going back to your old apartment was a definite no.
You were pretty sure that you wouldn’t be able to enter the apartment without wanting to instinctively remind Leah to rack her shoes properly as she entered behind you, the blonde often opting for kicking them off regardless of the innumerable times you told her off for it.
And you definitely couldn’t enter your own kitchen, memories of failed dinners as you’d to teach the blonde to cook, the two of you always eventually ending up somehow distracted, food overcooked or burnt as the blonde would try to stifle a laugh at your incredulous expression, before you’d burst out in laughter as well, reaching for the take out pamphlets.
The bedroom was most surely off limits too, countless, countless, nights of the two of you spent late into the morning talking about nothing and everything, sometimes just holding each other in silence as you bathed in the other’s presence.
Walking through the halls would be a whole ordeal of itself as well, pictures of the two scattered throughout, pictures that the others had never seen because Leah would beg you to take them down the few times you had people over.
It’s that final thought that had you clenching your jaw hard, your eyes narrowing as you made your way over to your locker.
Cautiously setting your kit bag on your seat, your head tilted to the side as you took in the easily recognizable yellow petals that sat at the bottom of your cubby.
Only one person knew that you were a sucker for sunflowers, one person who’d just recently broke your heart.
Holding your breath, you reached towards the bouquet, the card stock jutting out of it begging to be read.
‘i’m sorry for how many times i’ve hurt you.
you probably don’t want to hear from me
and that’s fair but i want you to know i’m
sorry and i want to do whatever it is i need to
to fix us. i still love you and i can’t think of a
future where i’m happy and you’re not in it.
i probably don’t deserve it, but could i
please get one more chance? i promise i
won’t let you down.
- yours, lw’
Eyes tracing over the words, all you could think was why now? Why written out? Surely, she could’ve said the words aloud to you if she’d truly meant them, having more than enough time over the past week, and really the past couple months of your relationship. Why was it that even though they were expressed, did your relationship still feel like a dirty secret- a small card tucked in the flowers that could be from anyone, signed with initials rather than a name.
And how were you supposed to believe her this time having heard these words countless times before? How many promises were you going to watch her break? Each and every time, why was it you giving her another chance to break your heart again and again, letting her stomp all over what was already broken, brutally smashed and beaten by no one other than her.
Surely you deserved better- better than a couple of flowers shoved deep into the bottom of your locker, accompanied by a card that was nothing more than ink on some paper.
Shaking your head to pull yourself out of the spiral you were going down, you tossed the card back onto the bouquet, instead bringing your focus back to getting ready for the training that you were more than definitely late for now.
You were a strong believer of second chances- but for your own sanity, it’d be better if you stopped now, at the thirtieth or so that it was- one too many to have kept count.
~~~
It’s you running sprints at the end of practice, the understandable punishment you’d received for being late, the rest of the girls slowly filling out as Leah tried to find some excuse, any excuse really, that she could stay back and wait for you.
She’s grasping at nothing, sputtering an incomprehensible reason to Lia as the Swiss is pulling her by the arm, inside.
With the brunette only tightening her hold as she disagreed, Leah had no option but to dejectedly follow.
“Nope, no. Not today, you cancelled on me....you better have a good reason.”
It was just the blonde’s luck that Lia thought the defender was avoiding her, trying to stay back so she wouldn’t be questioned on missing breakfast.
Unbeknownst to her though, if to no one else, it was clear as day to Lia that something had occurred within the past few days between the two of you.
She wasn’t blind to the way her work wife suddenly seemed ever so slightly disconnected during training, mind seemingly eons away- a surprise considering the blonde prided herself on giving 110%, even during practice.
Combined with the way you’d stormed off a few days ago and the nil interactions the two of you had had as of late- something she didn’t think was just a mere coincidence- she figured that right now, you deserved your space, and Leah likely a telling off, if the fact that your sunshine mood was in the dumps and the blonde exuded waves of nervousness was anything of a sign.
Somehow managing to wrangle her English counterpart away from the field, Lia led the blonde away from the locker rooms, instead choosing a secluded hallway near the back ends of the stadium to confront her.
Turning around sharply once she deemed they’d walked far away enough, Lia fixed the other girl with a questioning stare, her best captain’s stare if she said so herself.
“So what’s really going on?”
Swallowing hard at the accusing question, Leah contemplated telling the truth for just a second.
It would make it easier…
“What do you mean?” Instead, feigning innocence- not wanting anyone involved in the mess she created, she tilted her head in faux confusion.
Confusion that the Swiss woman could see right through.
“Cut the bullshit. You and I both know there’s something going on…You can either waste both our time denying it until I eventually go and ask her…or you can tell me and we can at least get somewhere. And I know which one I’d pick…”
Leah could read the silent threat in the midfielder’s eyes. The slight eyebrow that was raised no doubt indicated that she wasn’t messing around, more than ready to go and confront you about everything. What she also knew was that if it was Lia talking to you, you wouldn’t hold back.
The choice was clear, really- but the defender didn't choose it.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
Leah watched as the woman in front of her eyes narrowed, jaw tightening as she tilted her head back in a ready challenge.
Please don’t call my bluff.
All the blonde could do was pray silently.
“Okay.”
One word.
One word was the reply the blonde got, Lia staring at her silently for a second longer before marching away, a determined weight set on her shoulders.
It’s fear that has Leah blindly reaching out, her hand connecting sharply with the Swiss’ wrist, pulling her back before she could make it any further.
“Promise me you won’t ask her about this. You can’t Lia…please…”
Nearly begging, the skipper, eyes silently pleading, held on tightly.
“I’m going to ask this once, and only once more…Leah what happened?”
She could either tell Lia of how she’d failed to treat you right and get absolutely bashed for it, or she could push it under the rug once more, make a lame excuse and get out of this.
Sighing deeply to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose, the blonde made her decision.
Maybe it was time she grew up.
~~~
You do your best to hide your surprise as you walk into the locker room and don’t see Lia or Leah, the absence of LW squared making your heart leap into your throat, thoughts you knew were nothing but blasphemy clouding your mind.
You knew they were work wives, nothing but platonically of course. You knew they prided themselves on being the best of friends on the pitch and off it. You knew there was nothing more going on between them- well, at least you hoped, for you didn't know what you would do if they were anything more.
The thought that you’d never been enough for Leah still floated around your mind. You weren’t a crazy striker, or a mind-blowing defender. You were a midfielder that just so happened to be pretty good at their job, but that was all.
You weren’t special. You weren’t the captain of your national team. You weren’t heavily sought after for brand deals, you weren’t the popular, favourite player that Leah was- the player nor partner she deserved.
You were simply you- and you didn’t know if that was enough for the English skipper.
Your thoughts get interrupted by the thump of the door hitting the stopper, two distinct voices echoing through the hall as the owners make their way in.
Leah and Lia.
Willing yourself not to turn around, you take a peak out of the corner of your eyes, immediately regretting your decision.
The pair was close- Leah had an arm slung over the other girl’s shoulders, a soft smile on her face and the Swiss captain had her own arm around the English skipper’s waist and it did nothing to ease the rampant thoughts in your mind.
They were both sharing hushed words, indifferent to the few stares in their direction, too consumed in their conversation to bother paying attention.
It was only as Lia gave Leah a gentle squeeze in the side-hug that they had going on did the pair break up, the two still sticking close together as they headed towards Leah’s locker.
Turning to face your locker, your eyes caught the bright yellow of the petals, jealousy anger coursing through your veins as what used to be your favourite laugh rang out.
Hastily grabbing the card and throwing it back into your locker to be dealt with later, you stared at the sunflowers peering up at you.
Ironic that of all the days to receive them, you’d gotten them when the world felt anything but full of sunshine and rainbows.
Making the quick decision, you quickly grabbed the bouquet on your way out, ignoring the questions being shot your way from the teammates that heard the unmistakable sound of the cellophane.
Quietly letting Steph lead you out the door, you quickly glanced behind you in a silent prayer that Leah still cared for your presence- that she was looking at you.
She wasn’t.
Tossing the flowers into the nearest bin as a sour expression crossed your face, you helplessly let the thoughts of the past two hours take a hold of your heart, the poor thing constricting ever so painfully.
Clenching your jaw and hastily tossing on your headphones, you shouldered your kit bag, more than ready to get out of here- to go to a place that felt more like home than your apartment now ever would.
With you long gone before Leah even leaves the change room, you don’t get the chance to witness the way the blonde stops talking mid-conversation as she’s leaving, her stopping in place as her eyes notice the golden petals that peeked out from the top of the bin.
It’s why you’re unknowing of the way the blonde’s heart shatters a bit more, her eyes widening, heart sinking, and head immediately hanging low as she processed the bouquet unceremoniously dumped in the trash.
And with a rough shrug to get out of Lia’s comforting pat, instead wiping away tears she refused to let fall in the presence of the few remaining teammates, Leah hurries out, discussion on how to win you back momentarily forgotten as she focuses on soothing her aching heart.
~~~
It’s a couple days later that the weight of you leaving makes itself known again to Leah.
The past few days, the blonde had been silently stewing in the memories of you two, but had been fortunate enough that there weren’t any new stark reminders of your absence.
But now, if Leah was honest, the feeling of you not near the blonde as she walked off the pitch post-game felt like a stabbing pain in her chest.
It was odd, the way wins didn’t feel like wins as of late.
Not when you weren’t by the blonde’s side.
Euphoria wasn’t an emotion she felt of late, but with the absence of you in your rightful spot to the right of the blonde as she walked around the pitch, misery stung the blonde harder than before.
The high Leah (rightfully) expected after the win against United didn’t come.
It didn’t pounce on her immediately as the whistle blew at the end of the game.
It didn’t hit her like a truck as she headed towards the locker room.
It didn't sneakily creep up on her as she entered a locker room full of her fellow teammates dancing in celebration, music blasting, the joy palpable in the room.
All that sunk in was the gut wrenching feeling of regret in her chest as she timidly watched you make your way to your locker.
For the past few days, three or so having passed since she last saw you at training, the blonde had been crashing with Lia, not that you would know.
She’d been actively visiting your apartment, trying to find any signs of life there besides the three plants of yours she’d been watering in her visits.
Each time though, she was left with not a single trace of you, it evident that you hadn’t been home yet.
It was just slightly over a week of your absence, and with each passing day, Leah was losing a bit more hope, a bit more of her sanity, a bit more of her ability to feel anything but despair.
So it didn’t surprise her that the exhilaration of the win didn’t come. It was the norm. It was the norm for her now that she’d gone and fucked up.
Rubbing a hand over her face as the sight of her teammates came into view, Leah tried to will away the spiral of thoughts in her head, headache imminent with the lack of sleep she’d had these past ten days.
Sighing to herself at the pounding music in the room, the blonde hung her head low, trudging her way to her kit bag as she pretended to yawn in case anyone asked about her foul mood.
If she’d looked up once though, she’d have seen your concerned look.
She would’ve saw the way you had involuntarily turned to face the blonde as she entered, your arms itching to reach out and pull her into a hug, as you had done many times before in the safety of your own home.
But she wasn’t yours anymore. She wasn’t yours to hold, to hug, to comfort, especially anywhere but in the four walls of your apartment.
So you’d brought your arms taught around your own body, giving yourself a hug as your heart sank, a shaky breath escaping you as you closed your eyes, letting the overwhelming emotions wash over you.
~~~
It’s as the girls are leaving the locker room that Katie remembers to invite Leah for the celebratory night out the team had planned.
You’d been asked immediately after the game, the Irishwoman surprisingly able to sense the change in your mood as of late, doing her best to try and make you laugh more in the past few days to try and silently uplift it, bless her.
You’d thought about going. Considered getting more than friendly with Millie, your last conversation with Leah replying easily in your mind.
Maybe if you’d make her jealous she’d realize you still existed.
But just as quickly as those thoughts crossed your mind, you shook yourself out of them.
If she couldn’t see your importance in her life, you weren’t about to go and beg for her to see it. You couldn’t show her something that wasn’t there.
Having then declined the offer, you’d cited your tiredness as an excuse.
Now though, you tried to act nonchalant as you eagerly awaited Leah’s answer, well aware that she was one of the last people asked.
Maybe she’d wonder whether you were.
The blonde was tired, that was clear for all to see. But would that be enough for her to spend the night in?
Would your absence mean she’d go home in misery, or was the blonde okay? More than over you, ready to move on?
You wondered if she’d find someone to bring home tonight. Whether she’d spend the time at the bar (that they’d inevitably, somehow end up at). Would that someone be better than you? Better company? A better girlfriend?
Hearing the immediate cheers following Leah’s quiet hum of agreeance and quiet ‘why not?’, you bit the inside of your cheek.
God, how could you be so naive to think she’d ask if you were going?
And as your thoughts spiralled again, you felt a gentle hand come to rest on your shoulder, Steph protectively stepping into your space as she could practically feel you fall into the rabbit hole of your mind.
“Let’s go home, yeah?”
The both of you having agreed that Australian would drop you off at her place before heading out with the team, you adamant on her enjoying the win and her night, you let yourself be led out, increasing the volume of the headphones on your ears to drown out the world, and more importantly, your mind.
~~~
The air’s chilly and Leah can’t help but wrap her arms around herself a bit tighter in a futile attempt to stave off the cold.
She’d expected the crowded club that the team had arrived at to feel stuffy and hot, but it wasn’t the case.
All the blonde could really feel was the cool breeze she couldn’t locate the source of and a constant shiver in her spine as she saw practically everyone but you there.
Having waited all through dinner praying you’d show up, and then convincing herself you’d be there as the team decided to move things to a club, the blonde felt stupid for not remembering how you hated cramped social gatherings like these.
For the months that you were together, Leah had gotten accustomed to spending nights in, cherishing them actually, for they gave her the breather she so rarely got.
It’s why she’d love it when you’d often pass up the nights out, giving Leah the perfect opportunity to leave events early, a smile on her face despite being called variations of ‘old’ and a ‘party-pooper’, the thought of going home to you more than overpowering the salty accusations.
The few times you’d both gone out together with the team, it’d always ended with you two sneaking out of the celebrations early, revelling in the chaos or peace of the night as you’d trek home, more than content to be in each other’s presence.
It had gotten to the point where the few date nights the two of you had consisted of Leah convincing you to stay in. The decision was a mix of not wanting to be in the public and getting you all to herself, but she’d never tell you that.
And yeah, sure, she’d avoided you on the nights that you’d both be out, surrounded by teammates and friends celebrating god-knows-what, but she swears she did it for your own good. You didn’t need the press, the comments, the voices that came along with the fame.
At least she made the decision you didn’t.
It’s looking back now that she realises the implications of her actions, her avoidance of you no doubt a joke- her only failing to protect you from any hurt, instead being the one to cause you grief.
God, she really treated you and your relationship like shit…
Shaking her head to herself, mood already soured with the lack of your presence, Leah excused herself from Lia’s side, heading to the table and grabbing her coat.
There wasn’t a point staying. Not when you weren’t there too.
Bidding her goodbyes and ignoring the pleas to stay longer, Leah shot the Swiss captain a grateful look as she distracted a tipsy McCabe away from trying to convince her to stay.
Taking a deep breath as she exited the stifling building, the blonde began her trek home, lost in her thoughts, wary of the empty apartment she’d no doubt be returning to.
~~~
Steph had texted you early on in the evening, letting you know that Leah was at the dinner, and you didn’t know whether to be glad or not.
All you knew was that it was the perfect opportunity for you to finally grab your things, a change of clothes, something you desperately needed now that winter was finally kicking in.
You’d expected the blonde to be gone at least a few hours, so you’d taken your time to show up, grabbing dinner before you had made your way over.
What you hadn’t expected though, was the blonde cutting her night short- the clock reading near half past nine taunting you as you heard the familiar jingle of keys as the front door opened.
You could feel your heart pounding in your chest- hell, you could hear it, as you listened to the sounds of the taller girl kicking off her boots, something you would tell her off for time and time again.
Holding your breath as you heard Leah hang up her keys and drop her clutch on the island as she always did, you wondered if you had enough time to escape.
Surely, you could sneak out, right?
Shaking your head at the stupid idea, you looked around you, contemplating on how you were going to get out of this.
What were you to tell the blonde? That you weren’t kicking her out of your apartment? That you instead were moving out, already having talked with your tenant about likely cancelling your lease soon. You wondered what Leah would think you’d ask for her set of keys back- for her to take her stuff to her house as you’d empty your apartment.
You wondered if she’d then realize that she’d likely ruined the last good thing you had going for you, a house you’d been staying in for nearly two years now, a place you cherished deeply but now needing to say goodbye to.
Sighing as you took in the sight of your clothes scattered around the bedroom, clothes you’d been sorting into a ‘yours’ and ‘Leah’s’ pile, you waited to hear the movement of the blonde.
It was only as the trudge of footsteps padding down the hall reached your ears did your throat go dry, body freezing as you anxiously anticipated seeing Leah in your bedroom for the first time in over a week.
Swallowing hard, you wondered if this was the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning.
~~~
Leah didn’t know how she didn’t notice the light peeking out from under the bedroom door. Nor how she missed your infamous Converse tucked behind the door.
All she knew was that you were here.
Here, in your apartment.
In your shared bedroom.
And all the blonde could do was stare at the sight of you looking like a kid caught stealing out of a cookie jar, the various piles of clothes scattered around you making you look tiny.
Flexing her jaw a few times, the midfielder struggled to find any adequate words, a quiet ‘what?’ the only thing she was able to muster out.
There’s a blanket of silence that covers the room after the word, the pair of you rooted in your spots, staring at each other.
It’s only as Leah realises that the hoodie currently in your grasp is one of her old England ones, from camps eons ago, does the silence break.
“Wait a second- I’ve been looking for that...”
Furrowing your eyebrows, your shock long gone and anger replacing it, you did your best to keep your voice level.
“That’s your concern?”
This was the first and only chance the blonde had gotten to you since you’d broken up with her, and her concern was the hoodie you were holding.
“You know what? Fuck off.”
Throwing the hoodie at her with all the rage you could muster, you watched as it softly hit your ex in the face, Leah pulling it off as her eyes widened.
“Okay wait! Wait. No. Sorry. It just took me off guard…”
Rubbing her neck sheepishly, the blonde brought the hoodie behind her in an attempt to brush over what just occurred.
Shaking your head because of-fucking-course, you pinched the bridge of your nose, pausing for a moment before realizing just how utterly done you were with the blonde already.
Waiting a second to see if she’d continue, to see if she’d ask you how you were, what you were doing, or better yet, apologise, you sighed as silence overtook the room once again.
Checking your watch, you figured that if you ran through all you needed to, you could be out of here by half-past-ten, a whole hour earlier than you had originally planned for.
“Listen, all I need is like an hour then I’ll be out of your hair.”
Muttering the words, disdain clear in your voice, you started speeding up your actions, sorting the pile of clothes behind you and tossing everything that was yours into the open suitcase.
It took a minute for the defender to understand what she just heard, to comprehend what she’d witnessed.
One hour and then you’d be gone?
Taking note of the clothes scattered across the room and recognizing her extra pairs of pyjamas and trainers in the decently-sized pile on one side, garments that looked distinctly like yours in the other, the blonde felt dread sink in.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait…what do you mean ‘out of my hair’?”
It’s as the weight of the words sunk in did Leah step into the room, squinting her eyes as her mouth fell open slightly, body rigid with concern.
Sighing deeply inwards, you ran a hand through your hair, pulling it slightly in an attempt to stave off your annoyance.
“Leah, I’m moving, yeah? It’s about time.”
You watched as the hoodie fell from the blonde’s hands, dropping unceremoniously into ‘your’ clothes pile as she swallowed hard.
Yes the pair of you weren’t together anymore, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You weren’t supposed to move out, much less out of your own apartment, that’s for sure.
Shaking her head as she felt her heartbeat pick up, panic in her eyes, Leah closed the distance between you.
“You’re not moving out.”
The statement was nothing of a question, hands going on her hips as the blonde eyebrows furrowed.
“I know I hurt you, but you can’t move out.”
Watching an exasperated expression cross your face, an expression that Leah was all too familiar with, having seen it every time she declined your request to post a picture of the two of you, she dropped her own shoulders, closing her eyes in defeat.
“Please don’t move out.”
Please don’t leave me.
“Please.”
Sorting the shirt that was in your hold, you placed your hands behind you, letting your weight fall on them as you leant back, head thrown back, eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling you were very much used to seeing on lazy mornings spent with the blonde in front of you.
Making sure your voice was steady, you closed your eyes as you spoke.
“We’ve broken up. One of us needs to move out.”
“No...”
“Leah…”
“No.”
The second ‘no’, firmer and coupled with a definitive tone in Leah’s voice had you appalled, your eyes opening as you righted yourself and faced her
“No? Leah, I’ve spent enough time seeing you with another woman outside of this apartment. I’m not in the fucking mood to see it here as well, in my apartment.”
You waited to see if she’d offer to move out instead, considering this was your place after all.
You waited, only to be met with silence.
Guess it was a good thing you didn’t wanna stay here anyways.
“I mean it. Please don’t go…”
The timid voice had your shoulders dropping.
Sure, she broke your heart, but it didn’t mean you were heartless.
Deciding to humour her, for your own sake- you wanted to see just what her justification would be, you hummed in response.
“Why?”
She’d broken your heart enough. So why was it that she was asking you to stay?
You watched as the always-confident blonde wrung her fingers, her head hung low as she stared into the ground.
“I still love you…”
The weight of the words blanketed the room in quiet. Or it might have been the blood rushing in your ears. Either way, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing- unable to do anything but sigh in response, mind a frenzy.
Racking through your brain to find the right words to say, you curse at the universe for aligning so maliciously.
“You can’t just say that.”
“Ba-“
“No.” Cutting her off, your voice raising slightly, you bit the inside of your cheek.
“You can’t say that. You can’t say that when you’ve practically been a stranger to me any place outside of these four walls. You can’t say that when all you’ve done is gone and break my heart multiple- Leah, multiple times. You can’t say that when you haven’t once rung me in the week that we’ve broken up. You don’t get to call me ‘baby’ anymore and you don’t get to say those three words anymore.”
You’re breathing heavily by the time you finish, having gone and stood up at some point during that rant.
Eyes level with Leah’s as there’s a defiant look in your eyes, you wait.
You wait to see just what excuse she’d come up with this time.
“I didn’t-“
Lips pursing, you rolled your eyes. You knew how these words always ended.
“Let me guess…you didn’t know if I wanted to hear from you, yeah?”
You watched as she nodded sheepishly, nearly curling into herself as your voice got sharper with each word.
“Y’know…I told myself that maybe if I waited long enough, that you’d eventually care enough. Told myself that if I tried hard enough, loved you enough, was a better player, a better girlfriend, maybe I would’ve been good enough for you. That you’d want me as much as I want you.”
You watched as Leah looked at you, it clear that she was itching to say something, but you continued.
“I spent the last week with my ringer on, do not disturb off, hoping you’d call. Hoping you’d text. Send me a message, someway, somehow. Anything that would let you know me breaking up with you killed you as much as it killed me. And what did I get? Nothing.”
Your voice is quiet as the final word slips through, the both of you staring at each other, the room an outright mess with the clothes strewn around, suitcase open beside where you were sat.
Truth be told, you didn’t want this to end.
You didn’t.
All you wanted was for Leah to realize your importance in her life. And whether that was good or bad, you wanted to know where you stood- because you’d stick around if she loved you, but you couldn’t bear to stay if you weren’t wanted.
You couldn’t light a candle in the rain.
Watching as Leah flexed her jaw once, then twice before inhaling deeply, you felt a chill go up your spine as anticipation slowly killed you.
“It hurt more than I could ever imagine…”
The confession was quiet, barely a whisper, but it had your attention, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the other girl.
“It’s killed me every time I’ve come to this apartment alone y’know? Every single time I’ve walked into this place and you’re not behind me yelling at me to put away my shoes properly.”
Swallowing her emotions down and steadying her voice, she continued.
“Do you want to know how wrong it felt, driving to practise without you beside me? Without your humming and singing? Or how much it sucks not being able to stand beside you at practice. Or how the only thing I’ve wanted these past few days is just one of your hugs- the ones you give me when you know I’m not feeling well, too tired to do anything but cuddle you?”
“It’s stupid, but I’ve visited- stayed- at your place nearly every day since our breakup, hoping each day that you’d come back and I could- we could talk. That I could make it up to you. I’ve missed you. I really have. More than anything else ever- I swear. Spent the first night and the second too, on your couch, hugging your favourite cushion and your international hoodie.”
Smiling bitterly to herself at the memory, the blonde wiped away the few tears that had escaped.
Feeling your eyes starting to sting as you remembered just how gruelling the first few days had been for you, you quickly wiped away the one lone tear that managed to escape, holding back the oncoming sniffles.
Feeling your chest rise as you did your best to loosen the anxious feeling in your chest, you stayed rooted to your spot, too afraid to move for fear that Leah would stop talking.
“Did you read the note?”
The question was small, especially after the large confession just moments ago, and it had you nodding in response, scared that you’d break the atmosphere in the room if you spoke too loud.
“I-,” Leah cleared her throat, running a hand through her own hair as her gaze met yours again.
“I meant it y’know? Seeing you and just you in my future? I wanna fix this…us. I’d really like to fix what I broke, if you’d let me.”
Biting back a grimace because wow, were you really about to give her the power to break your heart again. The one thing you told yourself you wouldn’t let her do- not anymore.
“I don’t know how to trust you again…”
You knew the words were harsh, but they were the truth.
How could you trust someone that single handedly broke your heart over and over again.
Holding your breath as you watched Leah slowly step forward, inching towards you until she was merely inches away from where you stood, you wondered if you could ever let the blonde back in.
“One chance is all I ask for. I’ll earn your trust again, I swear. Just please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.”
You watched as her fingers flexed, jaw clenching and unclenching as the blonde fought herself internally.
As she made a decision, you smiled at the way the little crease between her eyebrows disappeared, a place you loved to kiss whenever the blonde was upset about the movie you’d choose for movie nights.
So caught up in your memories, you were only jolted out of the dreamland your mind went to as you felt Leah hesitantly grab your hand, the touch cautious and feather-like as she tried to gauge your reaction.
Looking down at your intertwined hands, you bit your lip, one question floating around your mind.
“Are you planning for us to continue being a secret or…?”
Closing your eyes as you waited for her answer, you wondered if this would be the last time you’d feel Leah’s touch.
You knew you couldn’t bear to be a secret. You liked private, sure, but all you really wanted to do was be you. Be you and her, and be able to show the world that, without bounds.
“No.”
Eyes flying open, you narrowed your eyes at Leah, surprised by the confident tone, so sure of herself, so assured, that it nearly had you convinced.
“And if you let me down?”
“Then I’ll leave your life myself, just say the words and I’ll go. But I don’t plan to let you down. Not again. Not ever. I don’t want a life without you. I’ve had a taste of if, and fuck, I needed that. I needed that because I know I’d rather deal with everyone’s comments, everyone’s judgement, their prying, their invasive questions, than lose you.”
Swallowing hard at those words, you felt your shoulders relax, mind and heart practically numb with the overwhelming emotions you were feeling.
Words a whisper, tears silently falling down your cheeks as the weight of the past week hit you, you prayed that you never felt this type of hurt again.
“Hurt me again and I’ll break your kneecaps alright?”
And letting yourself be pulled into the taller girl’s embrace, you let yourself sink into her hug, a warmth you’d missed so dearly, so fervently in the past few days- a hug that even the best Calvin cuddle couldn’t compare to, you let out a sigh.
Things weren’t alright yet. They weren’t going to be for a while.
But this was a step in the right direction. A step you’d take, praying to the universe that it wouldn’t let you fall- at least not without someone to catch you.
You just hoped it would be Leah- she was the only one you wanted to catch you when you fell. You just had to trust her word that she would.
#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso one shot#woso#my writing#fic#fic req#angst#iwytb#hcie
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