#late night philosophical rambles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blrrblog · 8 months

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Choices.

Choices, choices, choices. Every second of every day, they plague our minds. Do this, do that, say this, say that. Endless possibilities. Life branching out in every direction. A never-ending chain of choices that ultimately has led you to this very moment in time, reading these very words.

But was this the only path? Could things not have turned out differently? Was every decision you made the correct one? But what about the other realities that split off into countless possibilities? What if you chose something different? A different fate could have awaited you.

It is a thought that seems to loom heavily over us. It's as if there is an alternate version of your life somewhere else that is playing out in an endless chain. A version of yourself that might have made different choices and achieved different things. Could you have accomplished more in your life? Lived it better? Made better choices? Had better memories?

You could have made infinite choices, taken any number of paths, and still wound up in the same place you take your last breath.

Life is not lived in what-ifs. There is no sense in dwelling on what could have been, the many lives we could have led. For every choice we make, another path vanishes into the ether, never to be seen again.

But despite everything, was it ever all really our choice? Or were our lives decided for us when we were but little specks, floating in the infinite expanse of the cosmos? Every action a reaction, and every reaction a consequence. Our choices only take us so far, until our eventual final day when we look back and contemplate what could have been.

But that doesn't mean our choices aren't important. We still choose whether the footsteps we place on our path are gentle or heavy. We choose who we are to the people we love, to the world around us.

Our choices may not alter our destination, but they do alter our journey. In the end, we only have one choice left to make - to look forward or to look back.

Even if our choices may not alter our destination, who is to say it is set in stone? The reality of our present offers us infinite possibilities to shape and alter, and the future, no matter how uncertain it may seem, offers us the mystery of life that we cannot experience any other way. The excitement, the joy, the love we hold in the moment we are given is precious, and even if it is fleeting, those experiences live with us forever.

What if our future is unwritten? What if our choices do alter our destiny? Will you make your choices count and write your fate?

Only you can decide. Only you can make it count.

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2ndstarandstraightontilmorning · 11 months

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Musings on death

Is there a word or phrase in any language to properly encompass the loss of a person dear to you?

Next weekend is the anniversary of the death of a very close friend. She was the victim of a hit and run. Using the phrase "victim" even sounds so demeaning to how great of a person she was. But you also can't say they died in an "accident". That is allowing the murderer too much credit and not enough guilt for what they took away from the world. Even the term murder brings with it a lot of violent and 'pop culture' laden notions.

Death shouldn't to be belittled to such common terms. Where is the conveyance of how wonderful and alive she was before? How do you encompass the sorrow and loss that everyone, who lost a part of themselves when she died, feels?

But then again, how can words describe any such profound feelings? Isn't that the reason we also choose to express ourselves through so many other forms, such as art and music? Is that not what I'm trying to do now by asking for a better way to express these emotions other than the ways I already know of?

#death #language #words #loss #personal #late night rambling #it's to late to be this philosophical #asking the hard hitting questions #asking the internet

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melody-fox · 2 years

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our instinct as humans to feel obligated to certain things and perfect agreement from others, each in a specific, individual way frequently creates discord that can never be fully resolved in a manner that will universally be believed to be just, as not one singular moral code perfectly matches another; there can be no resolution because there is no punishment or reward that will effectively change all of the differing opinions to agreeing perspectives on said resolution according to all moral codes

#excuse me i’m feeling philosophical #ignore my enormous sentence #late night thoughts #ramblings

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runemyth0 · 8 months

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I hang out with my friend every week and I tend to get home late. Like, past midnight at the earliest. And something I've taken to doing when I get home is...

I lean my back against my car. My keys dangle from my hand, useless in this moment. I tilt my head back and...

I look at the stars.

I live in an urban/suburban area. I've always lived around here. When I was a kid, we got a telescope to look at the planets, but we could only do it on dark nights.

I've seen pictures of the milky way. I've heard people talk about it. A sea of stars so mind bogglingly huge it fucks with your existence. I wouldn't know. I've never seen it.

Once a week, I lean back against my car and stare at the stars I can see. I focus and unfocus my eyes, I stare into the darkness, I hold my breath and squint. All to get a glimpse of the sea in the sky that humanity decided to drown out with our own man-made stars on the ground.

Even with these diminished titans of flame, . watch them twinkle, not just flicker in the darkness. I can trace the faint outlines of constellations. I can feel how small I am.

Eventually, a sound breaks me out of my focus. I grab my keys and unlock the door. I trudge to my room, stopping to pet the dog who always admonishes me for getting home so late. My bed calls, I answer.

I can't see any stars from my window. Out of sight... but not out of mind.

I'll see them next week.

Surely.

#lyle's musings #i need to stand under a sky full of stars #i need to know what it feels like #late night lyle posts #< New tag for half awake vaguely philosophical sounding ramblings

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killrspringlock · 9 months

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i find a strange and morbid sense of love for the way humans bury their pets as they bury their dead.

my dog is growing older, i can see it in the way that he can no longer run in circles, jump at my feet when i come home, or fetch the things i throw for him.

and while it is increasingly evident that he’s growing more and more tired, i will find some kind of comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, when he can no longer be with me, he will still be waiting here for me when i come home.

time exists on completely different planes for everyone, including our furry companions. hug them close and cherish them guys, they are only here for the blink of an eye for us, but to them, we are everything they know.

#late night ramblings #late night #pets #love pets #morbid curiosity #morbid thoughts #thinkin about death a lot recently #philosophically #but still rather bothersome #goodnight #cant sleep #still awake #still thinking #overthinking

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vivitheanimaxen · 1 year

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Being friends with people is so stressful like what.

I'm a very charismatic person and I also like getting what I want. But I'm also very good at making friends. not so good at keeping them due to some things about how i was raised but I am out on my own now and I have longterm relationships and new ones forming every day and this is the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me.

I feel like i have some sort of introvert attracting pheromones because I keep befriending them and keeping up with them and wow now i've had this friend for a year and we've cried together and laughed together and she is like the sister I never had.

And if i'm not careful I could destroy it all.

It's like holding a baby chick in your hands and realizing it came out of an egg you cared for and hatched and soon it will be grown up and laying eggs of it's own and in that moment of holding the helpless ball of fluff you could just squeeze and end it all and it's terrifying.

everything about humanity is like that for me.

friendships and romance and family and the way we live and laugh and cry and rage and emotions are the most messy, most beautiful thing in the world and ugh i have no words suitable for them.

humans are pure potential wrapped up in flesh and blood and skin. Lightning trapped in a bottle.

Man I would never wanna be anything else.

#late night ramblings #philosophical thoughts #dont mind me #im just screaming into the void #frienship #humanity is so fascinating #i want to study it under a microscope #this is why i write #writing is my microscope with which to view humanity

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soap-ify · 4 months

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can I ask for some general fluff headcanons for our soapy boy?

AT YOUR SERVICE ANON!! i don't usually do hcs but i wanted an excuse to ramble about him. so i present you soap hcs that start off as general but gets oddly specific!

cw — very fluffy and mildly suggestive at some places.

˙ᵕ˙ (not so) general soap hcs !

the most widely known thing is that johnny is clingy as hell. annoying but you really wouldn’t have it any other way. he is always holding onto you tight, never letting you go even if you’re desperate to get out of the bed for a shower or some breakfast. the only time he’d sometimes let you go is when you’re running late for work. he likes having his arm around your waist all the time, nuzzling his head into your neck and smothering you with kisses without any shame in front of others, especially the taskforce. is this his weird little way of marking you? maybe.

very open about how much he loves you. he’s always speaking his mind, telling you about every single thing he loves about you, all your quirks and habits.

can’t imagine this man ever being a cheater. i imagine him being raised by his mother quite well, and god forbid if he ever cheats, his mother is going to be so angry. he has been taught to treat his lovers in the best manner possible. and so he does. even if he is very playful and just awful at courting, always too eager, he still buys you lots of flowers and takes you on dates, giving you all the love that he has.

he likes hugging your leg. like actually. you’re laying down? he’s beneath you, arms wrapped around your legs, hugging it tight while his face is resting on your upper thigh. he can’t even explain why he does it.

he LOVES it when you press kisses on his crows feet. the same thing with the scar on his chin!

this man watched blade runner 2049 once and had an identity crisis for a whole week. you were concerned.

there is this very specific type of french fries that he likes with certain toppings that he can’t really find in any other fast food place and it annoys him to hell.

he begs you to match with him. it can be from watches that come in pairs for couples or maybe keychains! just match with him or else he’ll be pouty for the whole week.

once when johnny was drunk, he showed you his huge art journal. you weren’t even surprised to know that more than half of the pages were just drawings of you.

johnny loves having strangely deep and philosophical conversations with you late at night. sometimes he just can’t sleep, feeling too active and energetic. if you are luckily awake too, be prepared to question the meaning of life and the existence of everything around you both with him.

he is so disgusting when it comes to sending gym pics (you love it). all flushed and glistening with sweat, he’d be sending your mirror selfies while flexing his muscles, a proud happy grin always adorning your looks.

has a mole on his inner thigh and on his right shoulder! you love kissing them so much.

he bites. hide before he bites your tummy.

he loves taking you to snowy mountains and showing you around his homeland! expect to be attacked with lots of snowballs by him, he really doesn’t show any mercy.

loves drawing on your thighs if you’d let him. he would grab a marker or a paintbrush, drawing pretty things on your skin, loving the way you would giggle at the ticklish feeling. he might accidentally touch your other ticklish spots too just to hear you laugh.

i am a firm believer of johnny having sisters and being the only son in the family! he’d take you to meet his family once, and his sisters showed you all of his childhood pictures while telling you of his silly actions, all while johnny was in the back, face all red.

he can knit! learnt it from his eldest sister. he likes knitting you sweaters or gloves, always choosing your favourite colour.

#anon im sorry if i overdid it I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM!!#he has a whole house in my head at this point #he lives there permanently #soap x reader #john mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #john mactavish #john soap mactavish #soap mw2 #cod x reader #cod fluff #call of duty #ruru mail

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ghostssweetgirl · 1 year

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crazy over you ~ simon ghost riley x reader

slow burn/enemies to lovers

taglist: @melaninsugababy @fruitymoonbeams-blog @copiasratscheese @wintersnnowie

description: y/n gets transferred to task force 141 and quickly becomes friends with soap and gaz, but her and ghost "hate" each other for the first part.

warnings: mentions of violence and death (duh), alcohol intake, smoking (at some point), nsfw (at some point | HERE), subtle flirting with soap. i'm new to writing? so don't expect this to be the greatest. this is not in line with the game campaigns or missions. the only characters i included are y/n, soap, gaz, price, & ghost. i have no knowledge of the military this is just creativity

disclaimer: i do not own modern warfare or any of its characters.

chapters: [worth it] last

You were more than happy to get out of that uniform. Casual clothes were never more comfortable than they were now. You packed up everything and stared at your empty room before exiting and following Ghost, crate in hand, to a car. He put the cat in the backseat and opened the door for you.

Sitting giddily in the passenger seat, you can't help but smile as you drive off of the base that has been your home for months now. If someone would have told you transferring to the 141 would result in this, you'd have slapped them silly. Punched them in the face for even insinuating that.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just... happy," you sighed. "Happy."

"Good," he nodded. "Me... too."

You directed him to your house - well, your small, boring apartment. It was awkward at first. Partly because he made sure to study everything you owned and everything about your place. He studied the two exits and made sure your windows were able to be locked. You assumed it was his way of learning you better, so you let it be. You tried to tour him around your tiny place, but he shook his head, determined to learn it on his own. But you found it funny how he had to duck when walking into the door, into the hallway, the bathroom, etc. The apartment ceilings were low, unfortunately. You never had issues and didn't even think about this until you brought him here. You sure as hell forgot to mention your full-size bed - compared to his California king, it was tiny.

The size of your bed didn't matter when you were making love. You were as close to him as you could get, even though you literally wanted to be under his skin - cuddling wasn't enough.

The size of your couch didn't matter when you were splayed across him while he lay on it.

As small as your home was, it was better with him there, but you honestly couldn't wait to go back to his. You preferred it there.

Buddy was shy at first, hiding for the first few days. You set up its litter box and food bowl, along with a spare pet bed you happened to have. He soon started getting accustomed and coming out for Simon more. It was cute how he said 'no' to having the cat but they've clung to each other.

Weeks go by fast. Every day was becoming routine, brushing your teeth together, and eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner with each other. Enjoying the same shows, recommending each other books. Showering together, bathing together even though it was quite cramped. Staying up late with each other talking about random things that came to mind, or, rather, you become a philosopher sometimes late in the night.

"Simon?" you whispered.

"Yeah, darlin'?"

"You awake?"

"Yeah, luv."

"Okay. Well, I was trying to sleep, but got to thinking."

"Oh my," he went along with your tired nonsense.

At first, it was funny, you tiredly rambling about random facts, world facts, conspiracy theories, the works. He listened to your rambles, your very groggy, quick mumbles about nonsense. But it quickly turned into him helping you fall asleep, your brain was moving faster than your mouth, becoming hyper.

He climbed over you lazily, grunting as he shuffled his knees behind your thighs. "Y'sound like you need help getting t'sleep, luv."

"Mm, yeah," you giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck.

His lips met yours fervently, softly sucking at your bottom lip. He ground into you, earning a small moan. His hand cupped your face, his fingers rubbed your soft skin as you leaned up begging for more. As you gripped at his tight skin, your hands snaked down his back before scratching up, he deeply grunted as his hands started squeezing your breasts to your hips, to your core. You gasped as his hand slid under your panties, his cold fingers meeting your clit.

He fingered you until he ripped three orgasms out of you, wetness seeping, pooling in a spot on the sheets beneath you. He took his pleasure in pleasing you - thoroughly studying your facial expressions as his fingers tactically explored your walls and sweet spots. He'd learned the spots that made you arch your back, the one that made you gasp - opening your mouth with no sound coming out, the one that made you squirt - gushing all over him.

Finally tiring you out, he went to the bathroom, washed his hands, and got new bedsheets. He helped you to the bathtub where he lovingly washed your sleepy self. As he dried you off and let you dress, he quickly changed the bedsheets for you before guiding you to bed, letting you nuzzle on his chest as you drifted off to sleep.

While eating dinner and watching TV, a camping commercial came up, and you two looked at each other, nodding your heads. It was time to head to his place. A good few-hour drive. You finished up the night, packing belongings, and this time, more clothes, able to dress to your style more now, being off.

The next morning, you coaxed Buddy out of his hiding spot and gave him a treat. "This time you're going home, Bud. No more moving around. I know, I know..."

After loading up the car, you take a last walk around your apartment, locking the doors and windows.

You could have predicted how careful he'd be while camping, being protective and watchful, keeping weapons on hand - his pistol holstered at his hip and tactical knife easy to grab. He finally freed himself from his mask once he felt comfortable enough with the surroundings, seeming at ease.

First, you went fishing with him. It was quite boring at first, patience not being much of one of your personality traits. Until finally, you caught a small one. You were proud of yourself but looked to him for approval, and he was already smiling at you.

"Good job, babe," he walked over to you, helping you undo the hook and then put the fish back in the water.

As the first night came to an end, you ended the night with smores and a couple of bottles of beer. You talked with Simon about how you never got to experience stuff like this and thanked him for taking you with him.

You cuddled with him in the tent, snuggled up close as the degrees dropped to cold temperatures. Sounds of crickets, cicadas, coyotes, and wildlife soothed you as you were enjoying this new aspect of your life.

Love grew deeper as memorable dates with you two continued. It grew deeper as you both catered to each other's love languages. His vulnerability also grew. Something, a part of him you never thought you'd see. Even in the beginning of this, even a sliver of info about him, his secrets, what makes him - him, was a treat, a rare treat.

Every day was different in all sorts of ways. Some days you were both lazy, understandably so. Some days you were active. Some days were very laughable, others calm, comfortable... quiet. But not the awkward, or unhappy quiet. Not the embarrassing quiet, or the "don't know what to do" quiet. The peaceful, understanding of each other quiet. The appreciating each other quiet. You made a look at him and he'd know what you want, need, or were trying to say. Vice versa.

Those quiet days were beautiful. The sounds of you both laughing at a movie, the sounds of you breathing. Buddy's pitter-patters across the hardwood floors. The randomness of conversation starters. Cheeky jokes. It all seemed quite natural, something you could get used to. Forever.

It hits you at random times, that this, this right here, this type of vulnerability, personal moments with Simon was only for the time off. You can imagine yourself being here with him. Waking up to him every day. Going to bed together every night. You knew he wouldn't do it, but you wouldn't mind quitting the military, getting a regular job, and living your life like this with him.

He woke you up in the middle of the night during the last month. Randomly asking you to join him in going to the snowy mountains in Colorado. A little surprised at the randomness, but also too sleepy to answer with a straight mind.

You were surprised when you woke up to all bags packed.

"Um, what is this?" you asked, pointing to the suitcases.

"Our bags," he answered, tilting his head at you. "Dress warm, luv."

"Okay..."

Though you've had a wonderful time with him so far, it hit you hard when you realized that it's getting too close to the three-month mark. Previously, you'd be excited to go back to work. You didn't know what it was, probably the fact that you'd fallen head over heels for your Lieutenant, but you wanted to stay like this, already missing him in his loving, domestic state. Him. Who he is.

Getting this far, and learning this much about each other has taught you exactly how much alike you two are. You've always liked nature, but appreciated it more when you got to enjoy it with him. You like being alone, and you can be alone with him. You both had walls built up, slowly letting each other seep into the crevices as you both fell.

Thinking back on everything, you would do everything over again for him. Neither would you change a thing. The tension, the heartache, the pain, the anger... Everything you've been through with and for this man was worth it. Thinking of other ways this could have gone causes you to wince. Wince and shrivel at the thought of not having him. Not having your Simon like that. The loving man you knew now, and wanted to keep around forever.

Proud to say that you've found your groove with each other, by the time you returned back to work...

He never failed to tell you he loved you before and after missions. He never had to distance himself anymore, since he could confide in you. Quite more protective over you, but still enjoys watching you fight and paint yourself red with the blood of your enemies. And now he didn't care about the other members knowing fully. If it wasn't obvious enough, you got princess treatment from the Lieutenant. Price held his hands up, refusing to get in between as long as it didn't interfere with jobs being done.

It wasn't until he stabbed a man charging at you, full speed while you were already busy with one fight, that you realized you were quite crazy over him, too. The force behind the swing of the blade against the throat, the quickness of it. The eye contact with you as the body drops, his eyes relaxing while he looks into yours.

"Fuck, that was hot, Lieutenant," you whispered as he pinches your chin, towering over you before he leads the way out of the building.

Thank you so much for reading!!!! I am grateful for each and every one of you that has taken the time to read this story, and even more grateful if you enjoyed it! I loved writing this story so much, it was a good one! <3

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softcthulhuwu · 3 months

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Rambling thoughts after the first two episodes:

Now this might just be because I'm autistic and always chafe against rigid boxes and definitions, but it seems to me that our first spooky tales from the OIAR don't really fit neatly into Smirke's categories that we're all so used to from the Archives.

Granted one of them is fairly classic cut and dry Eye shit, but the other two seem to purposely skirt the boundaries between things like the Flesh and the Stranger etc.

Now of course in the Archives we have a fair few episodes that get funky with the boundaries especially later on like in the apocalypse, the chief example that comes to mind being the big ocean Jon had to row across seeming to be a fun mix of the horror the incomprehensibly huge of the Vast, and the crushing all consuming pressure you'd associate more with the Buried

But my point being that in season one in particular, aside from a few teething issues as a result of still figuring things out *badum tish*, most statements¹ fit fairly nicely into clear cut examples of the major fears. Makes sense, first season, gotta lay down the rules before you can get funky with them.

But here in Protocol we've got the benefits of it being a sequel series with a lot of the heavy lifting world-building-wise already done, most of the audience going in has preestablished expectations, so by starting with the old lines between the fears blurrier, this is an opportunity to hint that A) hey, maybe things are working not quite the same here, which IIRC was something they talked about on one of the livestreams after things were announced last year don't quote me on that I do not have a citation to hand (forgive me Hbomberguy for I have sinned),

And B) sure Smirke's system was one way of trying to understand the fears, but as we well learned last show, it's limited and imperfect, it's more of a spectrum than discreet categories. Smirke's was just one way of trying to break it down into more understandable chunks, but it's not the be-all end-all of it, and clearly far from the only way to do it. The OIAR has a whole massive handbook of its own categories to catalogue these things in a manageable way, one which is seemingly less concerned with philosophical ideas about "What kind of fear did you experience? That of prey hunted by predator, that of violent war-like carnage, livestock chopped up for parts?", and more of a nitty-gritty details oriented one, like a "okay but what actually happened to you, like, specifically? Was it 'reanimation - partial', or more an 'amalgamative', subsection 'semi' kinda deal? Yes this is important why do you ask" type system.

I dunno I just think it's cool and interesting, these are my late night thoughts I can't help it I'm in essay mode literally working on an essay about The Magnus Archives for uni. Getting a good grade in my autism interest it turns out is a thing that is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

¹ not including Hilltop Road in this, Hilltop Road gonna Hilltop Road, that's a surprise tool to scare you later.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp spoilers

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askganon · 5 months

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Sir, you do not know me, nor I you really, but despite the fact that we clearly have major philosophical differences, I still find you highly respectable. I haven't spoken to you as of yet due to this, as I have doubted that I could find a topic that would lead somewhere of benefit that others have not already asked at length about. All this is quite a long winded way to state that, now that I've actually thought of a topic to broach, I am genuinely curious as to your thoughts and do not speak on a whim and hope you may give my ramble some thought as well.

On the topic of alcohol (and any other drug/intoxicant that you may partake in for that matter), I am curious, what exactly do you find pleasurable about any of it and why do you believe you find it pleasurable? I have always found the feeling of drunkenness to be mildly annoying at best and highly distressing at worst. The same traits that others describe as positive have always been hellish to me. For the physical sensations others have described have always sounded identical to my experiences of things such as "being in extreme pain" and "recovering from surgery", which even being slightly tipsy tends to resemble for me. As for the social aspects, many say they find it easier to socialize and that it makes one more open to things, but if you are intending to meet others, wouldn't it be better to know their personality for how it is outside of intoxication? And if one is simply looking to have a good experience, wouldn't it be better to seek one that can be more easily remembered? And being around drunken folk while sober has never been pleasant either, as I find it to be closer to babysitting than anything. To each their own as they say, but I simply find this baffling, so I'd like to hear your thoughts. Perhaps this is simply something that is not meant to be fully known or understood, but to leave questions unanswered is against my nature. After all, a sickly child who grows into a sickly adult is often left only with the company of books, and that has long since given me a hunger to know everything I can. One of my flaws I suppose

And as this is much longer than I intended, I shall try to leave that thought here, I think. For it is late and I am stressed, as tonight is the anniversary of my birthday so tomorrow I will be expected to take part in celebrations that, as my culture dictates, will most certainly involve drinking. I expect the social pressures to be nearly as miserable as the act itself would be. For listening to my late night rambling, which I hope does not bore you, sarqso

Your patience alone to seek out a topic as of yet discussed already elevates you above the common rabble in my eyes, disagreements or no. For this, I will indeed take my own time in answering your original thoughts and inquiries to the extent of my ability.

First, allow me to dissuade any possible worries you may hold regarding my character when it comes to alcohol. I do not ingest it for the sole purpose of wild intoxication.

Many who imbibe do so for this reason, but I am not among them. When I drink, and understand that it is not a daily occurrence, I do so to feel an ease from my burdens.

There are seven stages of intoxication, ranging from sobriety to death. When I drink, I take care to keep myself within the first two stages; sobriety and euphoria. I need no further intoxication than them, and will keep myself within those controllable levels.

In extreme cases, and very rare moments, I have found myself delving into the third stage; excitement. However, I do not enter this stage lightly, and it is almost always with a host of Sisters that I have allowed myself such indulgence.

I am also aware that alcohol effects everyone differently. What has been a pleasant experience for me might be incredibly uncomfortable for you. There is no shame in this, as I have been in the company of many Gerudo who have preferred sobriety to intoxication. Likewise, I have known some Gerudo... and Hylian Kings, who preferred a lifetime of intoxication to a moment of sobriety.

It can be a tool of momentary release if it is controlled, or an unbreakable chain of misery and dependency if it is not. As with everything, it is fine in moderation.

When it comes to alcohol: learn your limits, and respect them.

#Ganondorf #Legend of Zelda

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raccoonfallsharder · 2 months

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yo. wsp. sooooo i been writing some thoughts lately and i need help with something

HOW THE FUCK DO I WRITE GOOD SMUT? like i tried once and it was fucking BAD lollll. i seriously need help and you're the only person i can actually ask because you. are literally. the best at that. so pleassse send help

bb i love you and you are a sweet little raspberry pastry. i am so flattered to be asked something like this. i don’t know if i am the best but i do think any success i have is from learning from the best! im not great with advice but here are some things i believe have helped me.

the most important thing i can tell you is this: WRITE “BAD” SMUT! who cares? no-one has to see it?? write bad smut, and then write more bad smut, then go back and reread your og bad smut and decide what you would change so you enjoy reading it just a little bit more. then write some more bad smut. the first time you ever wrote a sentence, was it an ivory tower example of academically flawless grammar, punctuation, and spelling? was it an evocative and award-winning piece of revelatory poetry inspiring massive social change on a global scale? no way. you probably didn’t even have all your letters facing the right direction. WRITE BAD SMUT OR YOU’LL NEVER WRITE GOOD SMUT.

also write bad smut because it’s fun honestly and who cares how good it is?

next most important piece of advice: i think you gotta start by asking yourself what you like best when you’re reading smut. nono wait back up. first you gotta read A LOT of smut. no, more. however much you’re thinking, probably more. then you gotta figure out what your favorite parts are and why.

now. on a more individual note. every author’s smut is different and personal because everything author’s writing is different and personal and smut is in some ways even more personal, right? (don’t stop making plums) so what you’re writing will always look different. but here are some things that have worked for me and maybe they can provide a good space for you to start exploring how you want your smut to look. (warning for late-night first-draft rambling ahead)

for me, there are two parts to what makes smut satisfying (again, this is personal preference).

the first is when the smut is very rooted in an emotional core — specifically, the characters and their motivations. what does each character want? if it’s only an orgasm, why is it only an orgasm? if it’s more than an orgasm, what is it and why? and what does that look like?

sunshine-reader in sunshine wants a playful one-night stand but is incapable of not offering warmth. rocket in the same narrative wants connection because he’s rocket and never feels connected enough. their connection is warm and open because (they think) it’s low-risk and short-lived.

pearl-reader in wyndham/cicatrix wants to exercise autonomy for once in her damn life. rocket/“the monster” in wyndham/cicatrix wants revenge-sex. both of these two are grappling with their own versions of grief and that shows through in their motivations too (at least id like to think so).

in window, sex between jo and rocket looks different when it’s their first time versus when rocket’s trying to coerce her into taking up more space versus when jo is spiraling as they head back to terra, because the goals and motivations are always different.

knowing your characters’ motivations for sex, the way they’re trying to communicate with each other, and their outside-the-bedroom neuroses can also help make sense of kinks, too. in my imagination, rocket always has control issues (especially mcu rocket tbh) because of his historical lack of control and what it means for him to be under someone else’s power. (but i also see him with a complicated/conflicted praise kink a la adorations because he wants to believe nice things about himself while also not believing them, or not believing compliments are genuine).

all of the above is the philosophical part of smut — the emotional core that makes smut more satisfying for me personally as a reader. after that, we get into the technical writing-shit. i think, much like actual sex, the pay-off is better if you savor the journey. so at least for me, that means writing beyond just pinched nips, grinding, penetration. it means taking time to explore the way it feels to be touched in even the mundane parts of our bodies: different textures, pressures, etc.

for example, a claw prickling over the inner flesh of the forearm is not explicitly sexual but. i mean. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ or is it. you know?

another thing for me is to focus on detail. when our senses are overwhelmed we tend to focus on very specific details: the light coming through the window, the stroke of the back of the knuckles on your shoulder, the scent of the pillow. you could say “then she reached orgasm” or you could say “she squeezed her eyes tight. the crackle of electricity in her abdomen snapped taut, and then broke apart in a shower of sparks.” you could say someone was spanked, or you could say there was a crack in the air, and a stinging heat bloomed on their asscheek. don’t just say what happened — say what it felt like, what it looked like, what it smelled and sounded and tasted like. (i mean sometimes you gotta just say what happened or the scene can get too dense…but overall, i opt for relying on sensory description over exposition).

the rest imo is window dressing. are there certain phrases or words you particularly like to read or hear? are you someone who loves or hates the word “pussy” or “dick”? would you rather avoid explicit terms all together, or use them often? or sporadically, for impact?

anyway. like i said these are just my initial late-night first-draft thoughts so they might be rough and they ARE just things that have helped ME (everyone has different thoughts/ideas on this!) but i hope maybe this is a helpful place to start??? also if any of this did not make sense i apologize i am sleepy just lmk and i am happy to expand/clarify

also you are a precious little cherry tart, a springtime crocus, and i love you. please write more smut and allow yourself the freedom of enjoying it. ♡♡♡

#rfh writing advice #rfh asks #rfh smut #make plums #people need plums #just writer stuff #just fanfiction things

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system-of-a-feather · 8 months

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Hi! First of all I just want to say I love your content and the stuff you post has been really comforting lately. I’ve been wondering if I have DID recently, and had repressed memories of having alters, but I’m just not sure if I’m just faking it or not and I’m scared to reach out to people or look at things because I do not want to offend systems at all

Basically I’m wondering if I could have some advice, but if not that’s totally cool :))

To be honest? Don't worry about it. Its fine to be wrong and its fine to question and explore. Some people might get offended, but that's cause its the internet and there's no such thing as a non-offensive post on the internet. I'm sure someone on the internet would get offended over the ":))" emoji. /hj /lh

I might not be the best person to ask, because I honestly don't even care that much of people actually ARE intentionally faking it - like intentionally and actively faking it for likes or whatever is bad and you shouldn't do it and yada yada, but I'm really not gonna keep myself up at night over it. And if I'm not gonna do that for INTENTIONAL MALINGERING "fakers", I sure as hell don't give a fuck and mind people who are genuinely trying to figure out whats going on in their head and maybe misinterpretation it or getting it wrong. Mental health shit is confusing and difficult and existing in general is really difficult and hard to understand so *shrugs*

Communicate your experiences, see a professional if you can, and express what is making you feel the way you do. I don't think anyone should be offended or mad about someone with good will and good intent, trying to understand and explain what is genuinely going on in their head - and if someone is, I think that's not something you should have to have weigh on your head. If you don't mean harm, try to be respectful, and are simply trying to understand yourself - I don't think you need to judge yourself for the potential of being wrong.

Being wrong and what not is an important step to learning and growing and developing as person. I think we - as a society - should honestly welcome the "wrong but with good faith" and the "hes a little confused but hes got the spirit" more often tbh.

Philosophical social rambles aside, as for other pointers? I'm not sure how specifically relevant it is, but I think there are some points of interest that might be related to this topic on this post? Not sure cause I don't fully remember what I wrote but, I remember people reblogging it and liking it so XD Worst case scenario, its completely irrelevant but a peer reviewed good post so *shrugs*

-Riku

#alter: riku #ask #asks #advice

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jmdbjk · 1 year

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White Day, Pt. 2

For our second date of the evening, JK changed into a spiffy crisp white button down and proceeded to fluff and primp his hair for 3 minutes. He hasn’t forgotten all the hair styling tips. Look at him scrunching up the top for some extra fullness. You don’t spend ten years in the stylist’s chair and not learn a few tips about how to manipulate your hair.

Jimin showed up in the comments and JK went off the rails a little bit, trying to show off his wardrobe change and then tried using his smooth lines to make sure Jimin doesn’t wander off ...

Come on Jimin, isn’t it a little late to be playing hard-to-get? COME BACK! PAY ATTENTION!

A commenter said let’s date for 5 minutes and JK said, sure... then he tried to scroll back and find the name of the person so he’d know what to call them... and their name was John Kanya? Did the translator mean Jeon Kanya? HAHAHAHHAAH! Way to go Kanya! One step ahead!

He shared a song that he said Tae really likes and then he tried to search for a song request in the comments. He called Siri a punk because Siri couldn’t understand JK’s pronunciation of “old love.” Bless him...

Oh but when he found it, GOOD JOB whoever requested that song! So dreamy and romantic for our date night with JK!

And yes, he had the music turned up loud and was yelling at us over the music JUST LIKE IF WE WERE ACTUALLY IN THE CLUB! I can see why he enjoys the interaction with us on Weverse live. It really is easy for him to connect with us and have real interactions in real time (as long as Army isn’t behaving like he’s 15 years old again.)

The sweetest thing was he saved these songs to his library AND he practiced speaking English at the same time. Armys did good here. He was having fun.

He reads English very well, and I’m sure he understands 99% of what he hears. Its the pronunciation and conversational vocabulary parts that are tricky.

And then he opened up to us a little bit...

I can see why he ditched Instagram. It’s too fake and impersonal.

Y’all, I started laughing out loud when the next song request came on and the vibe of it made him proclaim he should be drinking whiskey shots and not highballs HAHAHAHAHA! He is a blast. FYI, there are cocktails made with a mixture of whiskeys and they have names like 3 Wisemen (Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jim Beam) and Four Horsemen (Jim Beam, Jameson, Johnnie Walker, and Jack Daniels). Ugh. I am a whiskey sipper, not a whiskey shooter. And apparently, JK is also NOT a whiskey shooter either. So playful.

And philosophical JK rolled around and he told us he says again and again, he can’t be our #1 priority, that we should prioritize our own lives and whatever obligations we have going on. He said this while putting more of Bam’s eye drops in his eyes and over-dramatically acting like he was crying.

For about the next twenty minutes he tried to get in the mood to sing and then he saw Namjoon in the comments and they had an adorable exchange which ended with JK singing a song that Namjoon suggested.

I wonder if Joon had an ulterior motive behind asking JK to sing a variety of genres...you know our leader is always thinking... regardless, Kookie was having fun.

This goofball... said he was pacing himself as far as drinking because he had to really go to the bathroom. But we would have never known right? His reason: because he is such a pro. LMAO!

Oh! and then Namjoon came back in the comments and told JK to hurry up and release an album! THAT’S RIGHT JOONIE! LIGHT A FIRE UNDER JK’S ASS! And JK said he has a plan...well... from the mouth of the man who said he wasn’t a planner... oh then he elaborates that NOT having a plan is in itself a plan. STOP TRYING TO WORM YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS!

He rambled on and on how he’s not lived with a plan up until now. Kookie-pookie, that’s because you’ve never had to manage your own time before. I think he was being vague in that he really doesn’t have a plan to release anything. He does not have that fire burning in his belly that Jimin, Hobi, Namjoon and Yoongi have. Each of those members have different fires burning. Jungkookie is living up to his free-spirit ways. He is very confident in himself and he has confidence that Army will always love him and he’ll stay on the path that shows him being himself. I said what I said. Or he may drop an album tomorrow. Who knows? We sure don’t.

He really is the opposite of a Gen Z-er. Except for his use of social media. Which is null and void mostly. Typical Gen-Z in that aspect.

He closed our second date of White Day by confiding with us that he had to pee really really bad.

#white day with jungkookie #welcome to JKs jazz bar #this man sitting in his apartment in the dark talking to millions through a tiny screen #i pondered whether to post this because there is no time to hit the pause button and reflect #but i needed to talk about jungkook because he IS important

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yuriko-mukami · 9 months

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His Possession Dark: Prologue

I didn’t want to come here. But I didn’t want to stay in the past either. Did I truly have any options? The time for questions was over for me… …or maybe it just had only begun. Forward was the way to go but I think I got lost at some point. To get lost is to be found. The thing is… I got caught in something I never expected. The night became endless, yet… …maybe that is where I belong?

Yuriko lumbered into the school she had only visited once before with her father. The huge building had a peculiar and eerie atmosphere that felt weird comparing the school Yuriko used to go to just a couple of weeks ago… No, compared to the school she used to avoid, saying that more precisely.

All the corridors looked the same and Yuriko had a hard time remembering where her classroom was. The teacher had shown it to her but still… And to make the matter worse she had difficulties keeping her eyes open. It wasn’t that late, not yet but knowing what had been ahead sleeping had been impossible, and now she wouldn’t have a chance before morning. This was the first time she attended a night school instead of a regular one. The funny thing is that not so long ago she hadn’t even known that there was such a thing as a night school.

After rambling around for a while Yuriko was able to find her classroom and she wasn’t even late yet; realization released a bit of tension from her muscles. Nothing could have been worse than drawing the wrong kind of attention to her on her first day… night here. She stepped into the classroom facing the teacher, forcing her lips to curve upward. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder if the teacher knew all about her past. How had much her father told him?

If the teacher knew all the details, he didn’t say anything about it. At least not for now, instead, he told Yuriko to introduce herself to everyone. She nodded, swallowing. This part always sucked, not that she had truly first-hand experience of transferring schools but… she had seen the transfer student coming and going, feeling pity when they were put into this situation.

Now I just need to get through it…

Yuriko drew breath, her hands shaking as she stood in front of everyone. Her one-size-too-big beige cardigan was running down from her left shoulder, but she quickly tugged it back up. Suddenly she felt very self-conscious. Everyone seemed to wear their school uniform’s blazers, yet Yuriko had decided to go with the cardigan because it covered her better… but now she realized her mistake as she stood out from the mass even more. And she knew she should have buttoned her shirt all the way to the collar, but she just hated how the topmost button pressed her neck, so she always left that open. For the very same reason, her ribbon was always tied rather loosely.

Why do I do this to myself? Such a failure right from the beginning…

Yuriko pushed her glasses upwards before opening her mouth. “Um… hello everyone! My… my name is… Tsukino Yuriko. I… I moved to… Kaminashi City with my father a couple of weeks ago and transferred here. I… I hope we all get along…”

Yuriko’s voice quivered as she spoke, and she hid her hands to the hem of her skirt. Her eyes gazed at the classroom quickly stopping for a second to a book cover with a rather philosophical title; she noticed slender fingers holding the book and deep eyes scanning it, but didn’t want to stare too long, so she let her eyes wander to the floor of the room but soon they were drawn to that book again, and a moment later her eyes met the piercing steel-blue gaze. Yuriko averted hers as fast as she could, heat running on her cheeks without mercy.

The teacher pointed out an empty seat for Yuriko after she had bowed. She rushed there, noticing that the desk next to her was empty. The sight made her sigh with relief. Maybe she could be in peace in this new school.

As the class started Yuriko let her gaze drift through the classroom. The students were somewhat different than in her previous school and there was a strange atmosphere that lingered everywhere. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, yet she was able to feel it. Almost like she had smelled something…

Yuriko’s eyes stopped for a moment again to the young man with those piercing eyes. It was impossible not to notice that he wore his uniform in quite a relaxed manner, the tie tied loosely, the shirt half unbuttoned. This rebel attitude of wearing clothes was the opposite of the mind-capturing literature he was reading. Yet he was strikingly handsome with dark hair that faded to a lighter color on the tips, not that Yuriko should care about that kind of thing. Somehow this thought made heat rise on her cheeks again.

No! This is dangerous!

Yuriko turned to stare at the teacher and combed her ivory hair better to cover her face with her fingers as their light blue tips tickled her neck. Her heart kept jumping, and it was hard to listen to what the teacher was telling them, but she shouldn’t allow these thoughts. Not on her first night, not ever again. Those kinds of thoughts were a shortcut to hell, and she wasn’t going to visit there again.

But his way to dress… I guess it’s a bit like mine, though it’s even more rebel. I wonder if the teacher ever scolds him over it. Maybe it’s more relaxed here in this school? Perhaps teachers don’t mind such things? That would be nice…

Yuriko tried her best to concentrate. She wanted to do better this time; if she were to fail again father would never forgive her. It was so shameful that she had to do the third year of high school all over knowing it was her fault. She was the one who had decided to skip all the classes and laze around. Yes, there had been a reason… but as her father had said, there wasn’t a reason good enough to ruin her family’s reputation. Yuriko had been nothing but a selfish little brat who hadn’t been thinking anything but herself. Now it was time to make amends and proof that she could still be worth her father’s love.

Though sometimes Yuriko wondered if the family was even the right word for them… Ever since her mother had left Yuriko had felt that she didn’t truly belong anywhere. She was a disappointment to her father, and nobody surely missed her in her previous school. Probably her classmates had been nothing but happy when she had decided not to show up anymore. So, no family, no friends. She wanted to change all that but at the same time, she didn’t want to stand out.

It’s better to stay out of everyone’s way while I’m here. It’s just one school year and then a new life awaits me… University and freedom from this all.

A sigh left Yuriko’s lips as she finally opened the book they were using in the class. Her right forefinger ran to the edge of the page a bit too fast and suddenly a sharp pain slashed the skin of her fingertip. She quickly put the finger on her mouth trying to ease the pain, but it still lingered. The salty metallic taste jumped on her tongue as she licked the cut hoping the pain would dull. When she pulled her finger out, the tip was still slightly red. The cut was tiny and sharp, there was just a little drop of blood, nothing dangerous… but as everyone knew the papercuts were the worst.

Cold sweat run down Yuriko’s collar as she felt like something had just shifted in the classroom. She looked around her, noticing a few pairs of eyes glancing at her as if she had just done something unforgivable. The chill went down her spine as she tried to appear as small as possible in her seat. She hadn’t even said anything, not even yelped. How come people had noticed what she was doing? She stared at the cut on her fingertip. This was not something she would have expected to draw attention to her.

Yuriko did her best to calm her breathing and jumping heart. She had done nothing wrong. If she acted normal now, nobody would think of anything about her licking her finger in the middle of class. Such a stupid thing, but that was so like her. She always made these tiny mistakes which led people eventually to hate her. Maybe that’s why mother too…?

I shouldn’t think about her now. Yes, it might have been my fault that she left but if I start to ponder that… then I will definitely… No… I can’t, not now. Focus on the class, focus on this pain in your finger. That will keep the other thoughts away…

When the class finally ended Yuriko’s eyes started back to the young man who had already grabbed his book. She didn’t want to stare but she couldn’t help but wonder if he loved reading as much as she did. The book wasn’t one of those light novels Yuriko had seen other boys gobbling one after another; this title was probably digging deep into the human mind and would widen the reader’s point of view of the topic. In fact, Yuriko hadn’t seen anyone from her age group reading such tomes. She had gone through a few and others had always found that odd.

It would have been interesting to ask about the book, ask about the young man’s thoughts on it. Maybe he could even recommend something new for Yuriko to read, there could be a chance for a deep bookish conversation for once. But she could never ask about that, there was no way she could speak to him.

Yet Yuriko glanced at the young man again. Steel-blue eyes locked with hers for a moment that turned her stomach upside down. Did she like the feeling or not? It was hard to tell but there was something cold in him behind those beautiful eyes. It was better to concentrate on studying and forgot the stupid thoughts about socializing, getting new friends… or something more.

If I just keep my head down and get through this year, everything will be better. Dad will believe in me again and then we can try to find Mom together. Maybe she’ll come back home if I’m good enough…

Yuriko sighed. The next class would begin soon, and she had a lot of catching up to do. There was no time for distracting thoughts.

All I wanted to do was to sort out my life.

I wanted to figure out the truth and then move on.

I never thought that transferring to this school would change everything.

The answers were waiting for me, and they came with the price.

Yet there was something else lingering too. Something unexpected.

Beta read by @ruki-mukami-dl

@yuriko-mukami

#yuriko tsukino #yuriko's story

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