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tinyarsonist · 3 months

Text

Volume: Up

"I bet I can make you scream in Korean."

Summary: In which heart throb K-Pop Idol, Bangchan, just shows you how 'Christopher' he can really be.

MDNI 18+ Only

TW: idol!Chan, IdolTrainee!Y/N(fem!), drinking, piv, unprotected sex (wrap it up), smut in general, dirty talk, swearing, masturbation, dumification, nipple play (fem!), cum on stomach, PleasureDom!Chan, switch!reader (fem!), pull out, cum on stomach, let me know if I missed anything!

Italics are in Korean. Bold is in Spanish. Rest in English.

You were still in awe.

You started your career as an idol fairly late in the game, making you older than most. But, when you entered the world of K-pop, you knew this was what you were meant to do. You were already creating music since you were young, and how hard could it be?

Very.

There were days as a trainee when you felt like giving up. You left your friends and family back home to pursue your dream, and after years, you still felt like you were right back at the same spot you started. Never moving. Stagnant.

That's when you discovered Stray Kids. Watching their debut to where they are now. It motivated you.

Then, one day, your company announces that they want you to lead a team. They presented you with suitable candidates for your girl group, but something in you felt like something wasn't right. "Sorry," you apologize to your board. "But, if I may be so bold as to recruit my own members?"

You wanted a family. Craved friendship beyond just another gig. And, well, let's say it worked out very well for you.

This brings you to the present day--standing in DIV studio, surrounded by its members, to do an interview. Your group was just starting out and already doing well. You've posted a couple of dance practices and some ballad covers you performed as a group, tracking some major views across all social media. DIV wanted to be the first to be a part of the soon-to-be international hype.

"You ready?" Eric smiled at you as the crew set up your microphone. You nodded happily. The rest of your group couldn't make it due to schedule. It felt weird not having the rest of your girls around you, but knew this wasn't an opportunity you just passed up.

Time passes, and so far, the interview is going great. It was amazing being around like-minded people. And, it was also nice being able to curse and not have to worry about your 'imagine' among them. They were free to be who they wanted. They wanted to break the mold; conformity was not in their dictionary. It took a while to let your company agree to the interview in the first place, but this was the direction you wanted to take the group. To be yourself and just produce music.

"Okay, so next up is the heart rate challenge." Eric smiled. You were divided into teams; you and Eric vs. Peniel and BM. The winner would be dubbed by the lowest combined heart rate.

"You're going down!" BM teased as Peniel hyped him up in the back. You grin brightly.

"Considering you boys are literally jumping around before the monitor is even placed, I think it's safe to say we'll win."

"Oh okay, that's how it's gonna be??" Peniel laughed. "Then let's make a bet; the loser buys everyone barbeque!"

Eric and you agreed in a heartbeat. You were already craving galbi and rice. Peniel essentially just bought the dinner you were going to buy tonight anyway.

As the heart monitors are placed, you try your best to stay calm. You were an anxious person in general, but when push comes to shove, you always had a way of relaxing yourself.

Peniel and BM went first. Eric and you teased them relentlessly during their time duration of 5 minutes. Peniel started blushing during his time up when you started throwing winks and kisses his way. Their combined score was 250.

"That's not far!" Peniel groaned as the video crew asked for a short break to recalibrate their equipment. "She's too cute, like how does someone not get flustered?"

"It's all fun and games in love and war," you winked at him. Everyone laughed except Peniel, who just took out his phone and pouted. His fingers typed furiously on his keyboard. Once it was time to get the cameras rolling again, Peniel had a knowing smirk on his face. You couldn't help but wonder what he was concocting. You just knew he was plotting his revenge against you.

Eric went first. Despite the constant harassment Peniel and BM gave him, you couldn't help but laugh at their jabs. "You're supposed to be on my team!" Eric roared at you at his last 10 seconds on the clock. Despite everything, his heart rate totaled to 120. All you had to do was ignore the comments for a minute. You got this. You sat down in the middle of the floor and crossed your legs, getting in an almost meditative position. The rest followed. Then the buzzer started.

"So," Peniel started as soon as the timer started going. "You learned Korean by yourself, right?"

You shot him a distrusting glance. "Yes..."

Peniel and BM nodded their heads slowly. "Interesting"/"Yes, yes, very interesting." Eric shot you a glance. He could feel it, too. Based on how the two acted Eric's turn was completely different, they were calm. Too calm. They were up to something.

"One might say," Peniel feigned thoughtfulness by stroking his chin. "You had an interest in learning Korean before you even had thought of becoming a trainee."

Crap. He saw the clip.

Before your group days, you would do little lives here and there. Just want to document your early days and interact with anyone who wants to chat. During that time, you mentioned the real reason you learned Korean was to easily watch interviews without the need for subtitles. Then you casually mentioned how much of a fan you were for a certain boy group. Your fans, which was very little back then, took those clips and circulated them online. Which was fine. It gained some traction that you were a STAY and helped grow your platform. It was a bit embarrassing, essentially admitting that you only learned the language to watch their episodes and lives to get full context. But, hey, it also helped you get to where you are today.

Getting bullied by two idols so they don't have to pay for your dinner.

"Yes, Peniel. I learned Korean so I can watch Stray Kids' interviews live." You roll your eyes but keep track of where your monitor is. 95bpm. Not bad. So long as you stayed below 130, that galbi was yours.

Peniel and BM continued to stroke their chins. "Interesting"/"Yes, yes, very... Stray Kids fan. Very cool"

Peniel held up a finger before leaving the room. You looked around at the crew, confused. Eric laughed and peered after him; "Where is he going?"

His question was answered as Peniel stepped back into the room with a shorter figure behind him. You moved around to peer behind Peniel, and when you locked eyes with the guest, your heart rate shot up. 110bpm.

Eric and BM rose to give a small bow when Chan said his hellos. You stayed still in your place. Embarrassment immediately washed over you. But you took a deep breath in and out, 3 minutes until you can freak out. 3 minutes, and you can process every single emotion you are feeling.

Chan gave you a little wave, his dimples showing as he smiled. Ugh, he might as well shoot you in the heart right now.

"You're not gonna stand up?" Peniel teased. You immediately shook your head. As much as you wanted to say hi, dinner was calling your name. Seeing Chan in the flesh was amazing. But Galbi beat everything at this moment. BM smiled brightly and motioned for Chan to take a seat next to you. How sweet.

2 minutes. 115bpm.

You bowed your head slightly to say hello, still a bit too stunned to speak. Chan gave a small head bow back. "Sorry about this," he chuckled. You told him it was okay, but still unable to make eye contact. Despite that, you knew he looked incredible. He always did.

Focus! You tried to snap yourself out of it and took deep breaths. In and out. In and out.

"So... you learned Korean to watch us live? That's sweet," Chan felt awkward all of a sudden. When Peniel texted him, this wasn't what he expected to be doing during the interview. "How many languages do you know?"

You close your eyes and focus back on the game. Here you were making casual conversation, while 3 other idols were jabbing at you, trying to get your heart rate back up. "Four; English, Korean, Japanese, and Spanish."

"Holy crap, how is it going down?!" Eric looked at the monitor and backed up at you. You kept your eyes closed, trying to maintain a steady rhythm. Everyone but Chan was losing their shit.

You could hear BM jump to his feet. The impending doom of a very large bill drove his heart rate up. "Chan, do something!" He exclaimed in Korean. Chan giggled next to you; "What? What do I do?"

"Hit on her!" Peniel got up as well. All attention is now on Chan. Eric stood up and pointed at the two competitors; "Hey! Hey! You leave her alone!"

You couldn't help but chuckle; "I was subscribed to his bubble. I was in the trenches with the rest of STAY. There's nothing he can say that I haven't heard."

Chan clicked his teeth with his tongue. His eyes narrowed. A challenge. He looked at you, with your eyes still closed, before casting his gaze over at Eric. "Anyway, we can mute our mics for a sec?"

Your eyes shot open.

1 minute. 120bpm.

BM ran over to mute your mic. As soon as he backed up, Chan leaned in close to your ear. His breath tickled your cheek, and you had to close your eyes again. 125 bpm. 30 seconds.

"I bet I can make you scream in Korean."

Chan wasn't expecting you to turn your head so quickly towards him. The way your face flushed. Your eyes wide. Everything about you was making his heart race. You locked eyes with him and felt like you couldn't breathe. This was it. That free galbi was gone.

The buzzer went off.

Everyone turned to the monitor.

129bpm.

You shot up from your seat and hugged Eric. Peniel and BM groaned at their loss. Chan laughed as he watched the two of you jumping around, singing about free barbeque.

He took a moment to sneak a look at you, his gaze traveling up and down. The way your hair bounced with you and how your outfit was snuggling your curves just right. He stood up as Eric said their sign-off. Once the cameras were shut off, the teasing started between the four. Peniel placed his arm around the younger idol and pulled him in a side hug. "It's okay," he reassured Chan. "It's not entirely your fault. A good majority of it. But, not fully."

Chan laughed and rolled his eyes. Everyone came up to thank him for coming over. That's when he locked eyes with you again, giving him a bright smile.

You gave the bow you weren't able to give before, formally introducing yourself. You all talked for a bit until you felt your hunger start to spike up; "Okay, so when are we getting dinner?"

The group settled for a time later tonight so everyone could get ready. BM invites Chan to tag along.

"No no," Chan shook his head, not wanting to impose. Peniel tickled his stomach as the rest of the group tried to get him to agree. You couldn't help but chime in. Part of you being selfish and wanting to spend more time with him and also wanting to get a jab in at Peniel and BM; "Come on, it'll be fun. And free!"

Chan looked at you. It was subtle, but his cheeks turned a bit red. "Y-yea, okay."

Chan made his way back to his dorm. The rest of the members who share the space are away on their own schedules. It was rare for Chan to spend the night alone.

He groaned as he plopped on the couch. He was still a bit jet lagged from flying from NYC back home. Laying his head on the back of the couch, he tried to take a nap before having to get ready to head out for dinner with you and the rest of the group.

You.

His mind was restless, and for some reason, they kept fluttering back to you. No matter how much he tried to push them out, he couldn't stop thinking about your big doe eyes. The way your breath hitched as he leaned in. The perfume you were wearing.

Was it Channel? Gucci? Whatever it was, it was flowery like a spring day. He could still smell it on his clothes oh so slightly.

Biting his lower lip, he got up from his seat and headed to the shower. The warm water was welcoming as he tried to clear his head. Unfortunately, it seemed there was only one thing to rid him of these thoughts.

The amount of guilt he felt once he stroked his cock to the thought of you was soon discarded as his mind wandered even more.

What were you like? Did you relinquish control or demand it? Were your lips as soft as he can imagine? Your mouth--oh God. How would it feel to have it wrapped around him? Were you a moaner? A screamer? Could he scramble your brain so much that you scream for him in Korean? Would you come in multiple languages?

He sped up his pace even faster. Water cascaded down his back as he faced the tile bathroom wall. One hand on the structure to ground him as he lost himself at the thought of you. He leaned his head back as he felt himself building and building. The warm water was a comforting feeling on his scalp.

The way he would take you as soon as you entered the dorm. No words, just a clash of flesh as he stripped you of your clothes and bent you over the couch. He wouldn't waste any time and would just thrust into your--oh God. How would you feel around his dick? How tight--

He muffled a moan as he came on his hand. The shower washed away any evidence of his inappropriate thoughts of you. He panted heavily and stood under the water for a couple of moments, pleasure rippling through him soon to be replaced with an abundant amount of guilt for getting off to someone he barely knew.

Maybe that was the thrill of it. Maybe the thought of having someone who didn't know his ups and downs is what did it for him.

Chan didn't have time to dwell on the thought as the time to meet up was fast approaching. And he hated to admit, but the thought of seeing you made his now softening cock twitch.

By the time Chan arrived at the restaurant, platters and drinks were spread across the shared table. BM and Peniel bought out a room so they could enjoy their meal without prying eyes. Chan could hear them hollering in the room before he even opened the door. His ears rang as they all loudly greeted him.

"Look who finally made it!" Peniel laughed as Chan took a seat across from them. Eric and BM were putting meat on the grill as they said their greetings. Chan couldn't help but scan the room, taking note that you weren't there. He tried to play it cool as he asked if you were running late.

"She texted us saying there was something she needed to finish up at home," BM answered him. Eric couldn't help but wiggle his eyebrows at Chan.

"Why? Scared she might not come?"

"No, no." Chan chuckled awkwardly while looking off to the side. "Was just wondering, is all."

The boys all made cooing noises. A flush of embarrassment washed over Chan at their teasing. Peniel smirked; "Wouldn't blame you, she's gorgeous!"

Chan poured himself a shot of soju, trying his best to drown out their teasing and take the stress away. The three men quit their teasing and talked about mundane things; schedules, new music coming out, and how big the bags under Chan's eyes were.

"I just flew back from New York!"

"Doesn't matter! Ever heard of eye cream!"

They were laughing at one another by the time you entered the room. Everyone stood up to greet you with a bow, and you bowed back. Gesturing for them to take their seats again. "Sounds like a party in here," you smiled as you took a seat next to Chan. He took note of how you wore your hair up in a messy bun, showing off your silver necklace. That flowery smell radiated off of you, and he had to lean a bit to the side so it didn't flood his senses in all the right ways.

"Is that soju or vodka?" You spot a filled shot glass from across the table. "Actually, it doesn't matter. Hand me it."

Chan watched you down the shot with a smile and motioned for Eric to pour you another one. "Hard day?"

The second shot went down a bit smoother and you gave him a grin. "You can say that."

He didn't need to know that the line he whispered in your ear had stressed you out to your core. It was possibly the hottest thing any man has ever said to you. It was all you could think about by the time you reached your dorm. His voice echoed in the back of your mind causing your body to feel hot.

He didn't need to know the real reason why you were late to dinner.

That you were squirming on your bed, rubbing yourself furiously between your legs. Trying to get all the tension out of your body before having to see him again.

And now you were sitting next to him. The man responsible for one of the best solo sessions in your life.

"I mean, I did have to spend half the day with these three." You gestured to the rest of the group who just booed at you. Eric rolled up a napkin and threw it your way, causing you to laugh.

As you and the group ate and drank, the room was beginning to get louder and louder. It wasn't long until everyone became tipsy.

You just finished cooking up your Galbi and offered it to the rest of the group who everyone, except Chan, declined. You used the tongs to bring it over to his plate before attempting to cut it. "Damn things," you huffed under your breath. The scissors were dull and worn out. Trying to cut through the meat was as effective as slicing a rib-eye with a spoon.

"Here," Chan grabbed the tongs and scissors from your hand. Despite the very brief time that his fingers brushed yours, you couldn't help but blush a bit as he gave you your half. You didn't have time to feel embarrassed as you caught Eric eyeing the two of you. He had his fingers interlaced and resting his head on them.

"You two look cute together~"

"Shut up," you mumble and grab some kimchi to add to your plate.

Chan sat quietly next to you. He plopped some food in his mouth, the best excuse he had to not comment. BM chuckled before pouring another round of drinks. "What did you say to her anyway? Peniel was screaming so loud I couldn't even hear it."

The two of you were sitting so close to one another, that you could feel Chan stiffen next to you. No doubt, wanting to avoid another round of ridicule from his colleagues.

"Awe, jealous he wasn't whispering in your ear instead?"

That snarky reply was all it took for the other two boys to holler and tease the living crap out of him. As the night progressed, soon talk of continuing the party commenced. Chan mentioned he had a free dorm tonight.

"You in?" Eric asked you. You looked up from your plate of Galbi and rice. You were so distracted by your plate that you didn't realize they were all waiting for your answer. You hesitated. You obviously had this attraction to Chan since the interview. Hell since even before you became a trainee. The frustration of him being so near, mixed with alcohol, might just be the equation for something disastrous.

Chan bit his lower lip while sneaking a glance at you. He knew it was stupid to invite everyone over. To invite you over. He was already feeling the effects of drinking so much, trying to keep pace with everyone. What if he slipped up? Did something that made you hate him?

But then a wonderful thought popped into his mind: What if something amazing happened?

"It'll be fun," Chan gave you his shy grin. Your heart raced as you two locked eyes. How could you say no to that face?

"You got this," you whispered to yourself as you stood in front of Chan's door. It wasn't every day you're invited to a celebrity's apartment. Especially one that you've imagined in bed with when you're stressed out after work. Everyone left in their own taxi after dinner, planning to meet up at Chan's. You stayed a bit behind to make some phone calls to your family overseas, promising that you would be there soon. "Totally normal get-together. Nothing to worry about."

After a couple of seconds, you gather enough courage to knock on the door. A moment or two the door swings open and Chan stands there. God, he looked great with his messy hair, black tee, and joggers. Giving him that ready-for-bed look--

"Wait, were you asleep?"

Chan's face turned red. He was in bed. But he definitely wasn't sleeping.

"They didn't text you? They got a call on the way over, their schedule moved up earlier in the morning so they headed back home."

Oh.

You pull out your phone and groan. "Batteries dead." You just had to make those calls? You knew your mom could talk your ear off.

"Sorry," you put the phone back in your pocket. Taking a step back, you start to head out. "Have a good night."

"Wait!" He couldn't just let you leave. It could be from all the alcohol, but watching you saunter away felt wrong. He wanted you near him. To stay. "It's late... You can charge your phone and call a cab here if you want."

You didn't fight it. You know you should've. Chan was right, it was late. The responsible thing to do would be to go home. But that didn't stop you from sitting on his couch waiting for your phone to charge enough to call your ride. The two of you scrolled through YouTube on his TV, chatting about anything that came to mind as you both sipped on some mixed drinks Chan concocted when you first entered the apartment.

It was weird. Without the others, conversation flowed almost naturally between you two.

"You mean to tell me, you've never watched any of your own fan cams?!" You exclaimed. Chan shook his head and laughed shyly.

"No, it felt weird watching close-ups of myself if that makes sense?"

"You really should, they always look phenomenal!"

You grabbed the remote to scroll through the recommended videos to watch. Chan took the opportunity took look you over for the umpteenth time tonight. Here he was just in joggers and an oversized shirt while you sported a cute long-sleeved crop top and tight jeans. He had to grab the pillow next to him to cover up the bulge he was sporting.

You settled on a music video by RenMakesMusic. The strum of the guitar had Chan bobbing his head along to the beat. The lyrics were a bit dark but meaningful. "This is good," Chan mused. "Turn it up a bit."

You gladly obliged with a smile, pressing the remote's volume button so his subwoofers would have to do some heavy lifting. Music filled the apartment as the two of you watched the video. You didn't realize it initially, but your shoulder pressed against his. You slowly shifted to your right, to create distance not trying to give him the wrong impression, but were surprised when he leaned back into you. It was comforting.

It was right.

"Everything okay?"

Chan's question broke through your mind wandering. You felt your cheeks heat up a bit. "Y-yea, um. Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, to the right."

Chan watched as you made your way to the guest bathroom. He couldn't help but keep his eyes on your backside. Once you disappeared, he leaned further back into the couch and groaned.

What was he doing? Letting you in this late, checking you out when you weren't looking, trying to get any physical contact no matter how little it was. It was stress, it had to be. His schedule has been so hectic lately his body was trying to find relief since his mind was almost running amock. Chan was so lost in thought that he let YouTube play on in the background. Not paying much attention to what was playing.

When you exited the bathroom, you were greeted with bongos and macarenas bouncing through the dorm. Peaking around the corner you spotted Chan leaning against the couch. He had his head back against the rest, his eyes closed. But despite his worn-down posture, he was still tapping his foot to the beat. "Aw, come on--you call that dancing?"

Your voice brought back his focus. His side smile gave you butterflies and you couldn't help but wear your own when he quipped; "Like you know how to dance to this?"

"Alright, Christopher. Get up." You grabbed the remote next to him and turned up the stereo even more. Hopefully, anyone living above or below the apartment wouldn't be able to hear how the bass shook the walls.

His grin widened at the name change. Almost nobody called him that anymore. There was a fine line between 'Chan' and 'Christopher', one that you seemed to be willing to cross.

What else were you willing to do?

Your hand was extended to him as you stood above him from his seat. The gleam in your eye was bright, almost playful. There was this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Bubbly and light. How the light casts around your silhouette made him realize why he felt the way he did when his eyes locked on you.

You were a goddess.

"You just gonna sit there? Come on, get up."

He didn't know what you said, but by the way, you grabbed onto his hand and pulled him from his seat, he knew he was in no position to argue.

You were a tough dance instructor. You corrected almost every misstep in Spanish. He couldn't comprehend your scolding, but he'll be damned to admit that at this point, he was doing it on purpose. There was something incredibly hot about being reprimanded in an unknown language.

"Dear all that is mighty," you sighed. "You're too stiff, loosen up a bit. Here, why don't you take the lead instead."

That caused his brain to malfunction a bit. He stuttered like a middle school kid being asked to dance for the first time. Without waiting for a reply, you grab his hands in yours and guide them on your body. His hold on your waist was firm, but not too tough. He didn't want to scare you away. Not when he was so close to you he could smell your shampoo. Especially, not when you wrapped your arms around his neck and those eyes of yours were peering into his soul as you two stepped to the fast beat.

"Feel how my hips are moving?"

Oh, you bet he does.

Pushing those thoughts away, Chan tried to mimic your movement. "That's better!" You praised it, and it took everything in him not to press his body flush against yours right at that moment. He hated to admit it, but as the next song played, something with a slower tempo, every step you took with him around the living room, he somehow magically ended up closer to you.

This is the part where both of you could blame the alcohol.

You both were too inebriated to notice the fact that your phone was fully charged, that your fingers started to play with the bottom of his hair, or the fact that your faces were so close together. Chan's forehead rested on yours as the playlist finally died down to a softer ballad. YouTube ironically telling you two to slow down. But neither showing signs of listening.

"We...are going down a path you might regret." Chan closed his eyes to help steady his breathing. How were you able to do this earlier today? He felt like his heart was going to combust on the spot.

"That I might regret?" You whispered. Being this close to him felt surreal. You were sure you were about to wake up in your bed feeling very frustrated. "You won't?"

The feel of the pressure of your body was draining all his excitement from his chest to his dick. Another form of pressure was beginning to press against his underwear. A flood of penance sprung as quickly as his blood flowed to his quickening erection. "We just barely met. We don't know each other."

You pull away slightly so you can look up at him.

"Then, get to know me."

Chan knew this wasn't what you meant. But, it was too late to turn back now.

You were half-naked, a trail of clothes leading to his room.

For every question he asked, an article of your outfit was essentially ripped off you. Every question you answered, you returned the favor.

"Favorite food?" Whoops, there goes that necklace.

"Beef jerky with sticky rice." Goodbye, Chan's shirt!

He kissed you deeply and backed you up towards his bed. A brief pause as you fell into the soft cushions and he stared down at you. Your lips were puffy, chest rising and falling as you were trying to catch your breath. As much as he reveled in the thought of you being a goddess, there was something about bringing down a higher power that made him absolutely feral. Breaking you down bit by bit with every question.

He climbed on the bed to hover over you, that stupid side smile making another appearance for the night. "That's not exactly a 'food', more of a meal."

"Sorry if I'm--ah. A bit distracted." You close your eyes as he attaches his lips right below your ear. Sucking on your soft skin, not hard enough to leave bruising, but a temporary mark just for his eyes.

Biting your lower lip, you happily extended your neck a bit to give him more access. Mind all fuzzy and unable to think as he littered your neck with small kisses. Chan gripped your thigh and pulled it up a bit, lifting your hips just enough to hold you close to his pelvis, kneading your thighs through your tights.

"Need you to focus." He nipped softly at your skin. "How else am I going to learn everything about you?

"Favorite position?" His fingers went under the hem of your tights and helped you shed the last outer part of your outfit. Once it was thrown somewhere across his room, you wrapped the leg he was holding up around his back and used what momentum you could gather to push his back on the bed. His hands instinctively grabbed onto your hips as you straddled him.

Your lips were soft and gentle as you leaned in for a kiss, the complete opposite of the intensity shared just moments before. "Don't care, so long as I'm full."

Chan wasted no time by stripping himself of his joggers and boxers on your behalf. Stifling a moan as best as he could once he felt your clothed core perfectly placed on his growing erection. Guiding your hips to grind against him, he grinned as you threw your head back and sighed in content. Chan rocked his hips perfectly to the rhythm he set against you, providing the much-needed friction you craved.

You were starting to think he was tanking at dancing salsa on purpose.

"Anything off limits?" You couldn't even register that his hands snuck up to undo your bra clasp. He took a second to appreciate the view. Chan couldn’t stop himself from using his forearms to prop himself up to latch onto one of your nipples. Licking and sucking at anything he could grab. The mewls coming from your mouth sounded like a song he never wanted to end. Your hand caressed the back of his head, pressing him closer.

“Just--mmm. Just don’t stop even if I say so.”

Leaving your breast with a wet ‘plop’, he stared up at you. You could see the usual gleam in his eyes disappear. They became dark, almost predatory. Chan lifted you off so he could be above you again. He traced your skin from the collarbone down to the hem of your underwear. You arched your back at his touch; “Luckily for you--I like begging.”

Your breath hitched. Surely, he could see the wet stain on your underwear by now.

“Any safe words then?”

Last question.

Chan finger slipped underneath the cloth and played with your folds. The way you squirmed underneath him made him want to ruin you more. The chuckle he let out when you tried to squeeze your thighs together made you feel warm all the way down to your core. Chan was quick to use his body to keep you nice and spread. All for him.

“L-lemon…”

“Sorry, couldn’t hear you.” Chan slipped the tip of his middle finger in you. “Could you speak up a bit?”

“Pendej--mmmphhh” You couldn’t finish your quip. Chan pushed in further until he was knuckle-deep. His lips hovered over yours as he slowly worked in and out of you. You kept arching and writhing as he continued his ministrations, mouth wide open as you let out silent moans.

“Ah, ah--I wanna hear you.” Once he added in a second finger, you couldn't contain yourself. Moans were spilling out of you like a pornstar. Even when he kissed you, there was nothing to stop the volume you were outputting. “Good job, baby.”

“Oh?” He chuckled as he felt your walls clamp down on him. “Did you like that?”

You couldn't speak as he kept pressing into you, wiggling his fingers against your walls. “C-chan…please…”

“Sorry, what was that?” He teased as he kissed around your collarbone.

“Chan…”

The bastard kept pretending not to hear you. As if he couldn't feel you practically leaking around his fingers and clenching around him like there was no tomorrow.

You finally had enough.

Grabbing ahold of his face with one hand, you forced him to look at you. His cheeks smashed between your fingers. “Christopher, I swear to God--if you don't fuck me right now I'm taking over.”

Ah, so you did like to be in charge.

With a grin, he gladly ripped off your panties. He pulled away just a bit, taking in your appearance. Wanting to embed it into his brain for any future sessions he might have with himself later on.

He knew he should've grabbed a condom, but the alcohol was still flowing through him and he couldn’t stop himself as he slowly pushed into you. You tried finding words; how big he felt, how full he made you, but all that could come out were whimpers as he groaned and leaned in for another kiss to ease any pain you felt.

The two of you grind against one another. Chan never fully pulled out, keeping himself nice and snug in your warmth. Stretching you out, oh so sweetly.

Chan wasted no time in picking up his thrust as you tapped his shoulder, indicating that he was okay to move. You squeaked as he hooked your knees on his shoulders and leaned down to essentially bend you in half. He was hitting a spot you never felt before; not with previous boyfriends and definitely not with your own toys at home.

“So fucking tight…” Chan hissed as his pace sped up to the point he was jackhammering into you. His lips found their way back to your neck and kept mumbling about how you felt around him. So tight, so warm, just right. His teeth nipped your ear lobe, desperate to grab onto something but knowing he couldn’t mark you up too much. “Is this good, baby? Need it harder, faster?”

When you didn’t respond to him, he slowed down a bit and leaned back to stare down at you. His cock twitched when he realized what was happening.

You laid on the bed; eyes glazed over, mouth wide open, cheeks completely flushed. You knew he was asking you a question in Korean, but the words weren’t forming in your head like they usually do. “Aw,” Chan laughed. “Does it feel that good that you forgot Korean?”

Chan let up on the pressure so his hand can snake its way to your lips. You instantly latch on to his fingers and suck. Your tongue brushes around his tips, tasting the leftover residue of yourself from earlier. Your knees unhook from his shoulder and fall on either side of his waist. A whimper leaves you as he removes his fingers from your mouth and travels down to rub your clit. Still keeping his thrust with his brutal pace.

“Ahhh…wait…” You squirmed and your hand went to grab his wrist. Chan noticed how you didn’t pull his hand away despite your pleas. “Chan, p-please--too much.”

He kept using your body. Chan could feel you clamping down around his length. “Sorry,” he breathed out as he felt the pressure in his balls rising. “You’re just, hmmmph, too perfect.”

That’s what did it for you. The fact that he listened to what you mentioned earlier, and his talk. The crash of pleasure that overcame you was intense. Chan shuddered as he felt your wave around him. “Fuck, fuck fuck,” you came with a cry. Your arms wrapped around his neck, trying to ground yourself in any way that you could. You were loud. Nothing could stop the curses that flowed out of you as you held him close against you. Chan wasn’t far behind; “Oh, I-I’m gonna--”

He pulled out and stroked his cock rapidly around his head, painting your stomach with his warm cum. Of all the art museums he visited around the world--this was by far his favorite piece of work.

The room was filled with both of your heavy pants as he laid in your arms. Once he was able to catch his breath, Chan pulled away from your embrace placing the gentlest kiss on your lips. Humming as you kissed him back. He tried to get up, but you were quick to stop him.

“Don’t go…” You pouted. Part of you knew this would be a one-time thing, but another part never wanted this to end. Chan smiled down at you and gave your cheek a quick peck.

“I’m just grabbing a towel to clean you off.”

As he walked off to the bathroom you stared down at the mess on your abdomen. The remnants of the best sex of your life were starting to cake on your skin. It took everything in you to not scoop some up and taste him in your mouth. When Chan returned with a wet cloth, he cleaned you up before plopping onto the bed beside you.

Once you caught your breath, reality set in.

Here you were, all fucked out with a colleague in the same industry. Everything told you to leave. It wasn’t like the two of you were in a relationship. It was a rash decision based on a lot of alcohol and dancing. You started to get up, but Chan was quick to wrap his hand in yours.

“You…you don’t have to go…” Chan shifted to lay on his side and stared down to not meet your eyes. Acting all shy as if he didn’t fuck the lights out of you just moments before. Your heart melted at the sight.

Slinking back into bed, his arms wrapped around you and pulled you into his chest. His cheek pressed against the top of your forehead. You could feel his heartbeat against you and closed your eyes.

“You know,” you sighed. “This was something I definitely didn’t regret.”

“Me ‘neither.”

As the morning rolled around you woke up to Chan still wrapped around you. His soft snores made you smile. There was something surreal about seeing him so at peace that made your heart flutter. Placing a small kiss on his cheek, Chan shifted slightly and groaned as he stretched a bit.

“Mornin’,” He grumbled but held a smile as soon as his eyes landed on you. Chan wasted no time in pulling you into a kiss. His hands sneaking towards your ass to knead your flesh. His excitement is present against your thigh.

"Somebody's eager," You giggle as he pressed closer to you. Chan smirked as he gently rubbed his morning wood against you.

"You can say that."

"Unfortunately--"

Chan grumbled and hid his face in the crook of your neck. "No, don't say that."

"I was just going to say, that I need some water first." It was true. After all the drinks last night, your head was pounding like never before.

"Okay," Chan smiled and got up from bed to put a pair of boxers on. "Stay put, I'll grab you something to eat too."

Minutes passed as you waited in bed. Surprise overtook you as you heard a pan sizzling and the welcoming smell of home-cooking started to flood the dorm. Dawning one of his shirts, you made your way to the kitchen. Chan's back was to you as he manned the stove. You could see how his back rippled with every movement he made.

You couldn't see it, but a smile crept on Chan's face as he felt you wrap your arms around his midriff. "I thought I told you to stay put?"

"I'm not one for taking orders." You laugh as you hook your chin on his shoulder to peer over him. "Besides," Chan stiffened a bit as he felt your lips hover over his ear. "There's something sexy about a man cooking."

"Oh?" He quickly turned off the stove and turned around to face you. Your arms wrap around his neck as he leaned down closer to your face. "And what about your water?"

It was a frenzy of passion as your lips locked with his yet again. Both of you eager to relive last night in the light of sobriety. "Water can wait," you whisper in between kisses.

Chan easily lifted you, placing you on an open counter. Your legs spread to allow him access to be closer to you. The both of you started to mold into one another as the intensity grows. "I should cook for you more often," He grins as he breaks away from the kiss to catch his breath. He lifted his shirt on you slightly so your cunt was exposed.

"Promise?" You teased as he lowered himself down slightly to bring his lips level to your core. Chan enjoyed the way your head leaned back slightly as you felt his hot breath against you.

"Promise."

The both of you were so entranced with what was about to happen, that you didn't hear the door opening. Only the shrilly scream that bounced around the dorm broke you two apart.

You instantly jumped down from the counter as Chan stood upright, finding protection from behind him. Chan tried using his body to shield your half-naked body from the view of a very frightened Felix.

Not that he really needed too.

The younger member held both hands over his eyes. Groceries bags around him, spilling its contents around the floor.

"Felix?" Chan stuttered as he grabbed a kitchen rag to cover up his erection. "W-what are you doing here?"

Chan gestured for you to run back to the room as Felix was still covering his eyes. You had no hesitation, wanting to escape from the embarrassment. AKA your own personal hell.

"I didn't want you eating alone... I was gonna make breakfast."

Author's Note: Here it is! Please let me know what you think. I'm also open to requests, I really want to get back into writing and interacting more on here. If you'd like to be added to my taglist please interact with this post (linked). Bye~

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j-onedrabbles · 6 months

Text

𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒎𝒚𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏

✧ PAIRING: BANG CHAN X FEM!READER ✧ PLOT: listened to STUCKINMYBRAINAGAIN by Chase Atlantic and decided i needed to write angst + anon requests: "Hi hi! Could I request a Channie comfort drabble/fic were the gf!reader starts to distance themselves from Channie because of a really believable dating rumor they found online involving him?" ✧ CW: fem!reader, overthinking, dating rumor, crying, unhealthy coping mechanisms (using alcohol to cope), themes of cheating (there is no actual cheating), reader is written to be of drinking age but age never mentioned, ✧ WC: 1.5K ✧ NOTE: this was kinda sitting in my drafts with a rough idea of a plot then i got an anon requests and it clicked so enjoy

It had to be a rumor. Right?

Y/n scrolled through her Twitter, seeing her boyfriend trending wasn’t new but, curiously clicked it to see what he did this time. Only to find it was a dating rumor.

At first, she thought that Stay or div-1 caught them out on one of their dates but, as she scrolled, she found that it didn’t even involve her. It was another woman. Photos from afar— like most dating rumor photos were— but Y/n could believe this was her boyfriend and someone else, but it wasn't. Was it?

Chan was friends with half the K-pop industry and she knew he had female friends. Could it be one of them? Maybe they were just hanging out?

The longer she looked at the tag, the more her heart ached. Chan spent long hours at the studio working on music for 3RACHA and the kids. What if it wasn't music? Just an excuse to go out with someone else?

The angel on her shoulder told her Chan would never. He was loyal. The best boyfriend anyone could ask for. But the devil was louder.

She got up from the couch and tried to busy herself with anything around the house. Chan had a packed week of schedules and had already told her he was going to crash at the dorms but he promised would text her when he had time—one week of not seeing him.

She couldn't even talk to the guys since they all had promotions to do. What if it was a staff member? She felt like she was going to be sick. Turning on their speaker and blasting a playlist— one without any songs her boyfriend had made, which was a hard feat.

Cleaning the whole apartment while the random Spotify playlist played. She drowned out any noise in her head for as long as she could. Even made dinner for herself and turned on a movie. Silently eating as her phone pinged with a message. She looked at the screen to see the name.

Channie♡: hey baby, just got back to the dorms. How was your day? Y/n♡: okay. Just cleaned the apartment and made dinner. Channie♡: I’m glad you got something to eat love! Are you doing alright without me so far 😉 Y/n♡: yeah. The apartment feels a little empty though. Channie♡: I’m sorry baby 😣 I’m hoping this week goes by fast. I already miss you. Try and get some sleep tonight, okay? Y/n♡: You too. Talk to you later. Channie♡: Yeah, I’ll try and text you more throughout the day, yeah? I love you ❤️ Y/n♡: ily2

Chan looked at the last text, he knew his girlfriend. She wasn’t one to abbreviate an “I love you”. Maybe she just wasn’t having a good day? Tired maybe? She did say she cleaned the whole apartment. He wished he could at least be with her at night but with all their promoting at the moment, it was just a little easier to stay with the kids at the dorms. He’d check in with her when he woke up, maybe send her some food tomorrow.

But he noticed the time between her responses got more and more spaced out and cut down to one or two-word answers. He tried asking her what was wrong but she always said she was fine. It was at the end of the week when one of the guy's managers told him about the dating rumor.

He immediately thought the same as her. Their relationship was caught by fans or div-1. The staff showed him the photos and immediately knew it wasn’t them. Yeah, the guy had the same height and build as him, dressed similarly, and had his face hidden. He thought it was him too for a moment but it was the girl he was with. Complete opposite of Y/n.

He took a closer look at the guy. “That's not me or Y/n. How long has this been out?”

“All week. We knew it wasn’t either of you but we wanted your confirmation.”

All week? The same amount of time Y/n had been acting off. “Fuck,” he sighed

“We can put out a statement denying it and announcing you and Y/n’s relationship,” The manager suggested

“Let me talk to her first. I think she already knows about the rumor.” Chan was thankful it was the end of the day and he finished the last schedule.

He hurried to make his way back home, calling his girlfriend along the way. No answer.

“Hi, you’ve reached Y/n L/n. I can’t come to the phone right now but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Hi, baby. I’m on my way home. We need to talk when I get there. I love you.”

Y/n listened to the voicemail but did nothing. One week had her spiraling. She ended up taking out one of their bottles and pouring herself a drink. Just wanting the thoughts to stop at this point.

She didn’t know how much she had actually been drinking, just that her world was getting blurry a bit. She didn't even register the front door opening.

“Y/n?” Chan’s voice called

He looked around the living room before spotting her in the kitchen. Both kept eye contact before Y/n broke down. Tears slipped from her eyes as she put the glass on the counter.

“Baby,” Chan ran over to her and pulled her into his arms.

“Is there someone else Chan?” Y/n said through tears.

He noticed the bottle of alcohol and felt worse. She’d known about it all week and said nothing. Thinking worse to the point of drinking.

“There’s no one else baby. Let’s get you some water and sit down, okay?”

“Is she an idol? One of the staff?”

God his heart broke hearing that. He should have checked Twitter or social media sooner. Slowly he sat her on the floor and quickly grabbed some water from the fridge for her. He sat down across from her and soothed her tears as best he could before getting her to drink the water.

“Can you look at me, baby?” Chan asked softly

Y/n looked at him, sniffling as she hugged her knees to her chest.

“Let’s go take a nap okay? Sober up a bit and then talk. Okay?”

“Okay…”

Chan reached his hands towards her to help her up and walk with her to the bedroom. “How much did you drink?”

“Don’t know. Just wanted to stop thinking about the rumor,” Y/n said as he got her under the covers. “Things are a bit blurry.”

“Get some sleep for now. I’ll be here when you wake up and then we can talk.”

Y/n sniffled and wrapped her arms around him, trying to keep him close. Chan did the same. Not wanting to let her go at the moment. Y/n let his warmth lull her to sleep.

Both ended up falling asleep till morning. Not intending to but that's what happened. Chan woke up first but refused to get out of bed. First time in a week he got to wake up next to his girlfriend and he wasn’t missing out on anything.

He ran his hand through her hair as he looked down at her sleeping form on his chest. Slowly she started the stir, waking to her pretty boyfriend looking at her with stars in his eyes.

“Good morning baby.”

“Morning,” she grumbled, cuddling into him more, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay baby. I almost believed it too.”

“Doesn't excuse me for accusing you of cheating. Should have talked to you when I saw it.”

“Hey. The company didn't even tell me till yesterday and I knew you had already seen it. I know you get in your head sometimes but, next time you see a dating rumor about me, talk to me.”

“Don't want any more rumors about you.”

“They asked me if I wanted to confirm our relationship. Think that’d keep the dating rumors at bay.” Chan smiled and tilted her face up to him, placing a quick kiss on her lips. “If you don't want to, that's fine baby. But I love you either way. You’re the only one I see a future with.”

Y/n teared up a bit hearing him say that. She cupped his cheeks and pulled him back into a kiss. Chan smiled and pulled her closer to him, moving his lips in sync with hers before pulling away and resting his forehead against hers.

“Tell Stay about us. I’m okay with the world knowing about us.” Y/n told him

“Think you're just being possessive baby,” Chan joked.

“Says you,” Y/n laughed at him

“I’ll call them later. Right now I need to make up for not being around for a week.”

Chan kissed her again and rolled her onto her back, smothering her in kisses and cuddles.

M. LIST ✧ TIP JAR

T A G S ✧ @soulphoenix1618 @hanniemylovelyquokka @hyuneline @scarletbedlam @lillithathecat @cosniffee @caravm @queen-in-the-shadows @moonlight-the-writer @skzhoes @ultimatestayandminoronce @watermelon2319 @poody1608 @iadorethemskz @goblinracha @weakforskz @scallywag1299 @2mins-world @iloveksmohsomuch @stickycrusadecollective @lacie220900 @your-platonic-gay-lover @lvlnijiro @smally97 @lynlyndoll @bbokari711 @liknws @nicora04 @hrskt @lookitsjess @5starlee @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @mini-mews @red-airhead @minhwa @soupbinlily @caitlyn98s @alex--awesome--22 @emyferra08 @yeetmehome @hyunjinswifeee @greyyeti @beautifulcolorgarden @ylixbok @tinyelfperson @mixtape-racha @lovesunshinefelix @princelingperfect @slay-and-gay @the-sweetest-rose

#: ̗̀➛karmic writes #stray kids #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids angst #skz angst #bang chan x reader #bang chan x reader angst #bang chan x reader fluff #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #stray kids x reader fluff #stray kids x reader angst #skz x reader fluff #skz x reader angst

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justanamesstuff · 11 months

Text

All I Need

Chapter 8.5 (Matty's Version)

A/N: someone left this anon (thank uuu) and I couldn't just do a blurb for it..i felt the need to do a full chapter, adding Matty's experience of the events during chapter 8. I hope you like it, guys!!

Warnings: little fluff, heavy feelings, angst, hurt feelings, SO MUCH CRYING (sorry), typos. Also, it can be a little repetitive sometimes because it has parts similar to chapter 8 (the original) but read everything because this is only Matt's POV.

Word count: 7.1 K

Blog masterlist Series MASTERLIST

Evening of the 1st show of ‘The 1975 on tour’.

Matty smiled down at his guitar, recalling inside his mind the morning with Amelia and Y/n. He wanted his life to be that, spending all his time with them in their house. Matty loved performing, he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop doing shows. Although, since Amelia was growing faster and faster, and his relationship with Y/n getting more serious, he didn’t want to miss anything.

His sight looked up, beyond the stage of the arena, towards the seats Amelia was going to see him play. Matty’s heart pumping nervously inside his ribcage. His little girl.

“You look…happy.” George almost hesitates to say, interrupting his inner talk.

Matty let the guitar hang in front of him, turning to look at George, “I am, mate.” he smiled sincerely.

“Mel and Y/n are coming, right?” G messed around with his set, waiting for Ross and Adam to show up.

“Yes.” Matty couldn’t help to smile even bigger.

“Can’t wait to see the little miss.”

Ross popped out from behind George, screaming, “Alright, babies, aren’t we supposed to do soundcheck or something?” he patted G’s back, gaining an annoyed look from him.

“Yeah, but we were waiting for you, div.” Matty snapped.

“Ahh, you miss me, Matty?” Ross messed with him, going to kiss his cheek.

“Fuck off!” he shielded his face.

A few feet behind Matty, Adam plugged his guitar, “Stop that, let’s get this started!” he scolded them and the three grown-ups took their places.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Backstage at the arena.

Matty walked along George’s side, not paying attention to all the warnings he was giving him for the show. He kept his attention down towards his phone. Y/n had notified him, by text, that they arrived. Matty’s heart fluttering with the thought of having them around. He started walking faster. George didn’t stop talking, almost running to keep Matty’s pace.

When they could see Amelia, Denise and Y/n at the other side of the hall, George acknowledged the baby first, “Where’s my favourite god-daughter?” George’s shouted when his sight fell on Denise holding Matty’s child.

“You only have one, idiot.” Matty hit him playfully on his arm.

“Org, org!” Amelia boobed up and down, excited to see them.

Once they were close enough, George stole her from Denise’s arms, wrapping Amelia with his owns. Matty went to stand closer to Y/n, touching the small of her back, sighing under his breath, feeling at ease knowing she was there with him.

“Hi, beautiful!” G tickled her. “I missed you!” He went to kiss her cheeks, making the little girl blush.

“You haven’t seen her in two days…” Matty scoffed, rolling his eyes. His hands drew figures on Y/n’s back, feeling desperate because there were layers between his hands and her skin. Matty felt her relax under his touch.

“Daddy!” Matty’s face brightened, hearing Amelia calling him.

“Is this gorgeous lady asking for me?” Matty took her from G’s arms, gaining a protest from his bandmate. George’s attention changed, going to say hello to Denise and started chatting.

“You look so pretty!” He complimented his daughter, admiring her outfit, on the same vibe as he had planned for his own for the show. “She looks perfect.” Matty turned to look at Y/n.

“She looks dashing.” Denise said, instead interrupting her talking and preventing any response from Y/N. Matty looked at his own mother. “Aren’t you going to greet your mother, Matthew?” She teased him.

“Hi, mom.” He went to kiss her cheek, with Amelia resting her head on his shoulder.

Y/n focused her own sight on George standing at the other side. “Am I invisible to you, Daniels?” Y/n exclaimed, arching her eyebrow to him.

George dramatically let his tall body hang a little, comically going to engulf Y/n in a big hug. “Thought I was imagining you being here!” He joked, talking at the top of Y/n’s head.

“Ha, ha…so funny.” Y/n’s voice coming muffled by George’s chest.

Matty stared at them, “Let her breath, George.” he whined from her side.

George let her go, resting his right arm on top of Y/n’s shoulders. “Jealous man talking…”

“How was sound check?” Y/n freshly cut the bickering.

“Everything is ready to go.” G said excited.

Y/n looked up at him, “That’s cool. Charli is coming, right?” She asked.

“Yeah! She’s looking forward to seeing you and Ames.”

“Me too! I haven’t-” Y/n started to talk, when someone from the crew shouted.

“Matty!” Mark –the security guard– made himself visible for them; the whole group turning around to look at him. “There is a girl at the gate, asking for you.” Mark addressed Matty directly.

“I’m not expecting anyone else, must be a fan.” The frontman tried to brush it off,

Mark insisted, “She’s not…she’s on the list.”

“Fuck…can you take Amelia for a second?” Matty looked at Y/n, pleading.

“Yes.” Y/n’s replied.

Matty stared at her eyes for a moment, feeling there was some kind of worry. He wanted to take it away and bring back her smile.

“I’ll be right back.” Matty reassured her.

He ran towards Mark, turning back to check at Y/n and Amelia until he couldn’t see them.

*****************

At the gate

“Hi, Matty.” Daisy greeted him, when he came to the back entrance.

She was standing beside a bodyguard, looking even more small than she was. Matty felt a wash of relieve to know it was his friend the one at the gate and not some crazy person trying to get in.

“Hey, Dais. Whatcha doing here?” he went for a hug.

Her answer came from behind his head, “You asked me?” she inquired.

“Right! Shit- I forgot.”

“I knew it, you idiot.” she hit his arm playfully.

Matty watched Mark talk with the other guard, letting him know everything was fine. The frontman detached himself from Daisy, glancing at her face.

“Sorry, sorry…I’ve been-”

“Ignoring your dear friend.” she accused him directly.

“I wasn’t ignoring you, if that’s the case I’ve been ignoring you and all the rest. I’ve been occupied with-” he blushed. “I’ll tell you later, there are a few people I want you to meet.” Matty exclaimed excited. He wanted to introduce his dear friend to Amelia and Y/n.

“Let’s go then!” she urged him.

Walking at the same speed –not too fast, not too slow–, Matty and Daisy made their way from the gate towards the green room where people awaited for Matty specially. Matty rubbed his hands, anxiously. The time before the show was coming to an end, and his nerves sensed it.

He tried to distract himself making conversation, “So, how’s everything?”

“Not good, not bad, y’know? He’s telling bad things about me to all of our mutual friends, so…” Daisy brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, tired.

“He’s such a twat.” Matty didn’t hesitate to say.

“I know.” she bobbed her head up and down.

“You deserve better, Daisy.” Matty let his hand rest in the middle of her upper back, patting her to show his support.

“I’m aware. Thanks, Matty.” she smiled at him, turning around the corner. Loud voices coming from the green room, and the hustle of the arena. “Hey! Sorry for bringing the mood down, this is your night!” she cheered up a little.

“Yeah, yeah.” he smirked. “Okay, here.” he guided her, letting enter the room first.

*************************************************************

Backstage room.

(30 minutes for the show…)

“Daddy!” Amelia was the first one to spot him, leaving Hann’s children playing alone.

Matty's sight went first towards Y/n who was chatting with Carly. She found his eyes for a split second and then looked down. Odd.

Amelia collided with his legs, forcing him to pay attention to her, “Hey, baby.” Matty lift her up. “This one is Amelia, my daughter.” He introduced Daisy to Amelia, returning his eyes to Y/n’s form sitting on the big couch, she was not really listening to Carly’s story.

Matty grew confused with Y/n’s reaction. It was like she was miles away from him, he didn’t like the feeling.

“Hi, sweetie.” Daisy greeted Matty’s daughter.

Amelia hid her face on Matty’s neck. “She’s shy with new people.”

“It’s fine.” Daisy understood, she was a very shy person herself, so she related to the little girl.

Suddenly, Matty watched from the corner of his eye how Y/n pushed up from her sit, excusing herself with Carly. Walking fast towards the door.

“Y/n?” Matty interrupted her exit, worried.

“Yeah?” She turned around. Matty looked her eyes drift between them three, hiding something behind her beautiful eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, Matty. I need to go to the bathroom. Watch Amelia for me, please.” Y/n rushed her words and stormed out.

It took Matty a second to react, even though when he realized he needed to do something he moved fast.

“Mom?” Matty instantly shouted for his mother.

“Yes, Matty?”

“Can you look after Amelia?” he asked, walking closer to her, leaving Daisy behind.

Denise studied his worried face, “Everything is alright?”

“Yes- I don’t know, please.” he insisted, passing Amelia, so his mom could hold her. When his daughter was secured, he moved around, “Sorry, Daisy. Be right back.” he apologized with her.

One look at his face after Y/n left the room, gave Daisy enough information to just say, “Don’t worry, go!”

****

Matty ran to the bathroom, knowing she was at the other side. He stopped, looking at the red door, catching his breath.

He knocked rhythmically.

“Y/n.” Matty called her, trying to be polite and respectful, waiting for her permission.

“No!” she shouted, but before Y/n could prevent it, Matty was inside. He preferred to say sorry and no please that time.

Matty took her state in, her body deflating. He exclaimed a quiet, “Baby…”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Y/n took some steps backwards. Matty’s heart break into pieces. She didn’t want him close. His mind started to pound and his hands sweating. What happened? In fact, what was happening?

“Y/n?�� He asked, expecting.

“Please, leave me alone.” She coldly responded.

“Y/n-” He protested.

Y/n shook her head from side to side, without looking at him. “Matty, I-”

“Sweetheart-” Matty came closer, he lifted his hand going to touch her face, Y/n sensed it. She made the space between them even bigger. Matty’s heart stopping for a second. “It’s not-” he wanted to tell her that it wasn’t alright from her to push him out and what could he do, but she understood something else.

Y/n lift her hand, stopping him. “Don’t tell me it’s not what I think it is…I have eyes. I don’t understand.”

Realization hit Matty fully when Y/n spoke those words. She believed Daisy was one of his exes. Matty felt an urge to whipped his worries.

“There’s nothing to understand, baby!” Matty desperately tried.

“Don’t call me baby! No when she’s in the other room-” Y/n bit her lips.

“This is not– She’s not–” Matty didn’t know how to explain everything, how to repair the damage he did. He wanted to push her closer, he needed Y/n. Matty felt hopeless and terrified.

“I knew it was too good to be true.” Y/n stated, regaining her coldness.

Matty felt weak on the knees when her words reached his ears, “Y/n, please listen to me! This is a mis-” He begged.

“So you can lie to me again? I’m naive, no stupid.” Y/n spat. “I need to go and check on Amelia.” She told him, starting to walk towards the door.

She couldn’t leave the room without this mess being clarified.

“Amelia is with my mom. She’s okay. Y/n don’t go.” Matty took her wrist. Y/n look at his fingers, and back at his eyes when he started talking. “I invited her way back, wasn’t expecting her to actually show up. She doesn’t mean anything!” He screamed. Matty felt like his words weren’t reaching her. Panic was filling his body, he couldn’t lose her.

“I don’t care, Matty. Let me go.” Y/n said strangely calmed.

“I can’t let you go….how could I?” Matty felt his eyes watering. “No when I’ve just got you back…” Matty spoke softly, loosing strength.

“Don’t-” Y/n protested. “Just stop. Let me go.” She insisted.

“Y/n-”

Someone knocked on the bathroom door behind them. Matty felt rage overtaking him.

“What?!” He shouted, still holding Y/n.

“Matty, are you there?” The stage manager asked.

Matty breathed in, trying to calm down, he asked, “Yes, what?”

“5 minutes!” The person informed him.

“Fuck!” He swore under his breath.

“I’ll get Mel…” Y/n took her hand out of his embrace.

Matty went to touch her again, screaming, “Y/n!” but she was gone. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He started screaming without caring who could hear him.

*********

Matty stumbled into the green room, feeling disconnected from everything. Was Y/n going to leave him?

This was a big misunderstanding he needed to fix. Daisy was his friend, and Y/n the love of his life, the mother of his child, his everything. He couldn’t lose her two times in his life.

“Matty?” Adam asked slowly, carefully.

The frontman looked like a cat ready to jump and scratch you.

“Mhm.” he mumbled.

“Are you okay?”

Silence was the answer the guitarist gain from his friend. He placed a hand on his shoulder, still being careful but hurried by the time. They had to get on stage right now.

“What?” Matty snapped out of his trance.

“Are you okay?” Adam asked again.

Matty looked around the room. The rest of the band directly staring at him, he grew self-conscious. He had a work to do.

“Yes-” he cleared his throat. “Yes, I’m fine. Let’s do this.” Matty walked out the room without making contact with his mates.

He was going to do the show, as best as he could, still thinking about Amelia, and then when everything was done he was going to approach Y/n and fix the mess.

********

Matty wasn’t really interacting with the crowd. Barely touching the wine the crew left for him to drink, he preferred to stay sober. Although he was smoking like a chain, his nerves and anxiety spiralling.

Even with the mix of emotion he was going through that night, the band managed to deliver an amazing show. The singer knew he should interact with the crowd more, but he had no energy.

Matty lighted another cig when the rest of the band left him alone on stage for a few minutes. He took the microphone, walking closer to the edge of the stage. He looked up to the left side of the stage, shielding his eyes from the strong lights.

“There’s someone special here tonight…” He started to speak, still looking. People cheered for him, screaming a lot of different things he missed. “I don’t remember the exact place, but-” He rambled. “My little girl is here!” Matty screamed proud.

The lights around the arena came back on, so he could see better around. Although, Matty wasn’t having it.

“Turn the lights off again!” He demanded. “Please, put your phones aside…” He asked rather politely. “My daughter is watching me and the rest of the band…” Matty made a signal like that last part didn’t matter, making everyone laugh. “For the first time…” He started walking around the stage, looking down at the floor. “She’s here, with my mom and her own mother-” Y/n’s face hurt inside the bathroom earlier on made him want to cry. “So, as you can see, this is a very special night for me.” he looked at the sea of people following every one of his movements.

People started screaming, and proceed to chant Amelia’s name.

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Matty spoke, bringing his free hand to his heart, looking at the fans. Even though he wasn’t a big fan to acknowledge that many people knew his baby’s name. He wanted to keep Amelia out of the spotlight as much as he could. His protective side turned on. “Back to me now…” The crowd laughed again. “This night is special. There are some things I wish were different, but life is-” Matty stopped his sentence, he wasn’t going to share this part of his life with the fans. “I don’t know.” He finished without making too much sense. Matty really didn’t care.

The rest of the band returned to the stage, Matty stared at them for a second without speaking. “Right, we’re going to play one of Amelia’s favourite songs…which obviously-” He smugly exclaimed. “It’s one written by daddy.” he pointed to his chest, gaining a new round of screams from the crowd. “I hope you like it, baby. I love you!” Matty closed the moment.

The first chord of ‘Sincerity is Scary’ started playing around the big venue.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost midnight, still at the arena.

When the show was done, he almost forgot to say goodbye to the crowd. Matty wanted to found Y/n as fast as he could.

He entered the green room, some guys from the crew were there working on stuff Matty didn’t focus on. No Amelia, no Y/n.

Matty returned to the hall, watching a happy George walk closer and closer.

“George, have you seen, Y/n?” he asked, his breath rapidly.

“No.” G’s demeanour changing completely, feeling like something bad was happening.

“Amelia?”

George tried to think, “No since-”

“Fuck, fuck.”

“Hey, they must be stucked with the fans or something.” the drummer tried to reason with his friend, not wanting to think that something bad indeed happened.

“No.” Matty took his phone from his pocket. Nothing.

Adam and Ross rounded George’s body, coming into Matty’s view. They looked at his friend who asked without skipping a bit, “Guys, have you seen Y/n or Amelia?”

“No.”

Ross stared at him, going to speak, “No, since earlier. What’s-”

Denise and Daisy’s returned interrupted him.

“Mom!” Matty shouted.

Denise didn’t notice her son’s worried state, she went to congratulate him, “Matty! What a show! Amelia was so happy to watch-”

He interrupted her, “Yeah, yeah. Where are they?” he asked, going directly to the point.

She stared at his face, “Y/n and Amelia?”

“Yes, mom! Fuck- Where are they?”

“What’s wrong, Matty?”

“I don’t know, fuck.”

“Y/n told us she was going, I thought she was returning here…” Denise told him what she knew.

“Okay, I-”

“Hey, they’re fine” Denise let her hands rest on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her.

Matty tapped on the screen of his phone. “I need to know exactly that, Denise.”

“Call her.”

“Thanks mum, very helpful.” his voice full of irony. Matty placed his phone to his ear. “I’ve been trying, she’s not picking up.”

“There must be a reason.”

Matty tried again and Y/n picked up finally.

“Y/n, thank god! Where are you?” Matty screamed.

He noticed her cold tone she used in the bathroom, “Home.”

“Fuck, Y/n! You scared the shit out of me!” Matty walked down the hall, far from the rest of the group.

She explained, “I’d told your mom to tell you. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Bab-” Matty started to say, pressing on his free ear because the guys and Daisy were making too much noise.

Y/n cut him, saying, “Amelia is fine, Matty. I’m sorry. Go to your after party-”

He interrupted her this time, “Fuck, no, I’m not going to that…we need to talk! I have to finish here, and then-” Matty tried again for Y/n to listen.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Matty. Not now.” Y/n stopped him.

Matty felt panic creeping inside his body. “Y/n…” He begged.

“I’m going to bed, to my bed.” Y/n informed him; her voice breaking at the end. The mention of ‘my bed’ and not ‘our bed’ broke his heart in pieces. “Good night, congratulations!” She choked on her words.

Before Matty couldn’t add a single sound, Y/n hang up the phone.

“Shit.” Matty shouted, making his friends and mom to look at him. He felt the tears wetting his cheeks. This night supposed to happen differently.

Denise, George, and Daisy approached him almost immediately when his broken cries reached them.

“Where are they?” Denise inquired first.

“Home.” Matty dried his eyes with his sleeve. “I need to go home.” he touched his pockets, trying to think if he had everything.

“What’s happening?” Denise continued.

“I don’t know, mom.” Matty told her a white lie. “Daisy?” he turned to look at his friend.

“Yes?”

“I need to rush home. You can go with the boys to the after party if you want, or I’ll call a car for you.”

“Sorry guys, but jet-lag it’s hitting me.” she told G, and he boobed his head understanding.

A quick set of goodbyes were exchanged between the little group. Afterwards, Matty walked around the halls and spaces of the backstage with Daisy to found the way out of the arena.

“So, what’s happening with Y/n?” she took the risk to ask Matty.

Matty putted his hands on his trousers pockets, “How do you know it’s about her?” he didn’t look at her face.

“I see how you look at her, Matty.” Daisy smiled.

“Right.”

“And how she looks at you.” Matty’s friend admitted. “So, what’s happening?”

“I’m not sure, and I’m scared.”

Daisy placed a hand on his back, like he did earlier that night when they were talking about her ex.“Hey,” she called him. “Everything is going to be alright, yeah?”

Matty made direct eye contact. “I hope so”

“Believe me, I’m a little witch-y.” she joked.

He said, feeling a little more calm, “You’re a little bitchy.”

“Asshole.” Daisy hugged him once they were at the gate.

“Text me when you arrive at the hotel, okay?” he made her promise.

“Sure. Good luck, my friend!” Daisy shouted, going to open the back door of the Uber.

“Thanks.” he waved.

Daisy last words were, “Keep me updated!” he nodded.

“Bye.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

One hour later…

Matty claimed up the stairs, jumping between steps to reach the first floor quicker. He needed to see Y/n, they had to talk. He couldn’t give up without fighting for them.

The house was under a complete silence. Most of the lights gone. Y/n previously informed him Amelia was sleeping. He tried to hurry without making too many noises.

When he took the last step, finally arriving at the top of the stairs, his heart sank. Y/n’s door was once more closed. A soft glow of light coming from underneath it. Matty moved forward. He pressed his ear to the door, taking the handle without twisting it.

Y/n was scrolling through some social media, the noise was clear for him. He knocked and all the sounds were gone.

“Y/n…” he started softly. Nothing. “Baby…” he tried once more. “I know you’re up. I need- We need to talk, please.” Matty continued.

“Go to sleep, Matty.” She whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“I can’t sleep if we don’t solve this…”

“Don’t-”

“Y/n.” Matty felt he was running out of resources.

“Go away.”

Matty started crying again, he had lost count how many times he had cried during the night. This time he did it in silence. He decided to give her space, even with his heart broken.

He walked all the way to his room with his heart on his hand, ripped. Matty pushed his room door open, expecting to magically see Y/n there. Reality was a hard pillow to swallow. His bed felt strange, foreign, unfamiliar without her; he didn’t want to try to get in.

He moved closer to it, reaching for his pillow, and stopped in the middle of the same action. He leaned forward, reaching for the pillow Y/n used all those weeks sleeping with him. Matty brought it downstairs with him.

He left the pillow and stared at it, feeling his face wet. Matty was sure about fighting for her, for them. Although, his mind couldn’t help to overthink a little.

The singer folded forward, landing on the couch. His body twisting until he was lying as a little baby in fetal pose. He clutched the middle of his chest.

Matty cried and cried until he felt asleep, with the repeating thought about how this was only a big misunderstanding. He could fix it, they were going to solve this and returned right back to normality.

Repeating history two times wasn’t a possibility, Matty reassured himself.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

His phone started ringing from under his tired form. Matty groaned with his eyes closed, touching everywhere around him to try to find it. Useless. He had to open his sore eyes to realize the device was under his body.

“Hello.” his raspy voice, low and barely understandable.

“Morning.” Jamie greeted him from the other end. “Sorry to disturb your princess slumber, but we have an emergency.”

“What’s wrong?” Matty sit upwards, blinking his eyes to get used to the early morning sun.

“I know you’re stepping out of the board of directors, although util it’s done I need you here.” Jamie explained.

Matty ran a hand through his curls, “Whatever, tell me.”

“I’ll fill you in when you get here.” subtly telling him to go to the office. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Okay, bye.”

Matty cut the line without spoken more words.

He excited the house, taking a look towards the stairs. No sounds coming from the first floor. Matty opened the door and left the house. The sooner he solved everything at work, the sooner he could be back.

*******

Dirty Hit

He was seated at the big table with Jaime and the rest of the people on charge. Matty was trying really hard to keep his focus on the topic, but his mind drifted several times.

The frontman checked his phone under the table, no messages. Y/n was probably awake now, still not texting him. He swallowed thick.

Matty moved his fingers along his screen until his thumb found the Instagram up. His phone crashed with the amount of notifications that started showing on his phone. Matty kept tabs about Y/n and Amelia. He started to worried.

“Jamie.” he whispered to his managed seated beside him.

“What?” the older man replied without sparing him a glance.

“Let me borrow your phone.”

“Why?” this time, Jamie stared at him, forgetting the meeting.

Matty extended his hand, with the palm upwards. “I need to check something, I’ll be quick.” he promised.

Jamie let him have his phone, monitoring what Matty did with it. The singer opened Instagram again.

Multiple sites showing Y/n walking along Paul, or pictures of the seated at a fancy restaurant. Matty didn’t move a muscle. He knew they were old, but he feared for Y/n reaction.

He continued scrolling until his eyes fell on a post that mixed the same pictures and a video of him walking with Daisy the night before. The fuckers cut the video to make it look worse than it was in reality.

“Shit.” Jamie swore beside him.

“I’m going to call Y/n.” he informed his manager, without caring about the rest of the people staring at him left.

He heard Jamie excused him.

******************************************

Matty didn’t know very well how he managed to make his phone work, he had only one objective in mind: talk with Y/n. Not even the cold weather that morning bother him when he opened the door to the rooftop of the studio.

He attached his ear to the phone. The characteristic sound repeating. Matty was dying for a cigarette to calm his nerves. He bit his nails anxiously.

The answering machine.

He huffed, going without thinking twice to call again. Still nothing.

The light bulb inside his brain found a solution. He found fast Grace’s contact and press on it.

Line sounding rhythmically.

“Hi, Matty.” Grace greeted him, Matty listened to the sound of the back door of his house closing.

Matty’s voice was quavering, unsure, when he asked, “Please tell me you’re with Y/n.” he placed a hand on his forehead.

“I am…”

“Tell her to answer me.” Matty commanded Grace.

She hesitated, “She’s not…ready…to talk.”

“Grace, I swear-” groaned, closing his eyes tight. He felt the first signs of a headache.

“I’m trying to do my best to not send you to fuck yourself, for everything. I’m trying only for her, so don’t push my buttons, Healy!” She warned him, surprising how Grace brought her protective side.

“She’s not talking to me. I need to talk to her.” Matty was desperate up to that point.

“Matty-”

“Grace, I’m begging you!”

“Matthew…”

“I swear it’s not what’s look like…” Matty tried to play that card. If Y/n wasn’t going to talk to him, at least if Grace knew, he was sure Y/n was going to get the information.

Grace scoffed at the other end. “Paul said the same to her…”

“Don’t compare me with him.” he shouted furiously with the comparison.

“I’m stating facts, Healy.”

“Yeah, your cousin is a wanker. I’d never do that to her, never.”

“Then what happened yesterday?” Grace asked, annoyed.

“I’m not with Daisy, I had never been. Grace, please put Y/n on the phone.” his patience leaving his body.

“You’re in no place to demand, Matty. If you’re worried about her, don’t.” how could he not worry about the love of his life? “I’m here, I’m staying as long as she needs. Let her breath for a minute, okay?” Grace requested this time.

“Fuck, you’re asking a lot, Grace.” Matty pull his hair.

“I’m not. Do it, for her and Amelia.” and then she hanged the line.

Matty slowly placed his phone in front of his face. He stayed froze on his place for a minute before he returned inside.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Dirty Hit’s office to home (non-stop).

Matty’s first instinct once he returned home was to search for Y/n. She wasn't in the kitchen, or living room, or laundry room. Nowhere around the low level. For a second time in less than 24 hours, he ran upstairs.

He was sadly convinced she wasn’t going to be in his room, even though maybe she was in Amelia’s room or bathing their daughter. The house was spectrally under silence. Y/n was nowhere, neither Amelia. Matty felt a rush of panic. He took his phone out of his pocket, ready to call her if his last try didn’t work.

“Y/n?” He knocked on her door.

Silence was the only replied from the other side.

“Y/n, are you there? Are you okay?” Matty tried.

Y/n decided to reply, “I’m fine, go away.” Relief wash over his muscles, at least she was at home.

“Please let me in, I want to check you’re alright…”

She marched angrily towards the door, opening it with a sudden movement that Matty didn’t expect.

“I’m doing fucking amazing, don’t you see?” Y/n shouted, opening her arms wide on the air. ‘Fuck, I missed her’, he thought.

“Baby-”

It was the first time they saw each other since the fight in the bathroom, at the arena. His hands ache to hold her, to bring her closer. Y/n wanted to push his away, out of her sight.

“Don’t call me that.” Y/n folded her arms.

“Y/n…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Matty.”

“I need to tell you.”

Y/n scoffed, turning around, far from him. “Exactly what? That all the past weeks, month were noth-” She stopped, choking on a sob. “Nothing for you.” Y/n rearranged herself, looking at Matty’s eyes with her own full of tears.

Matty was taken aback from her sayings. “Nothing?”

She believed she didn’t mean not only a lot, that she didn’t mean the entire world for him.

“You were with her meanwhile…” Y/n stated very sure of her words, making Matty’s heart swelled.

“No!” Matty took a few steps forward into her room. “Of course not! Daisy and I- We never- It wasn’t like that between us. Y/n, we-”

“We what? Right, nothing…it meant the same as the other girls you fucked…” Matty’s knees weakened instantly.

“Y/n, you know that’s not true!” Matty insisted on it.

“I don’t know any more after yesterday!”

“Please, listen to me.” Matty continued making himself closer to her. “I would never do that to you, never.” He searched for her eyes, Y/n started back. “You’re the mother of my baby, you’re my friend…” Y/n went to protest, but Matty stopped her. “You’re the love of my life, Y/n!” Matty finally admitted. The words slipping through his lips, but he couldn’t care less. He didn’t want to keep the secret any longer.

Y/n eyes grew a size, “You don’t mean that, Matty.”

“I do, I fucking do. I loved you since the first moment I met you…” Matty felt brave enough to hold her face between his hands. “I was a fucking coward, I still am. Well, now I’m trying to fix that. I love you, Y/n. I’ve loved you since the start and never stopped.”

“Don’t say that…”

Matty felt more sure of himself. “It’s the truth.”

“Why you never said anything?” Y/n protested.

“Because…the prospect of losing you, or you hating me- Can’t do, baby.” Matty stared at her with his eyes softening looking at her.

“Matty-”

“I mean it.” He leaned forward.

“I don’t know if I can do this- No right now…” Y/n closed her eyes, Matty stared at her letting his forehead rest on hers.

“Why not? I know you feel it too.” He was sure of it.

“Matt-”

“Fuck, gorgeous…please.” Matty wasn’t going to stop begging if that was needed for her to returned with him.

“Stop, I need space to think!” Y/n took a step backwards, making his hands fell at his sides.

“What there’s to think, Y/n? We love each other!” he complained.

“A lot there’s to think! Saying you love me doesn’t solve things magically, Matty. My phone is bombarded by your fans telling me how horrible of a mother I am, dating some random guy. Said guy that was fucking other girls while dating me, person I don’t want to hear about, but now I have to. My name is on a handful of articles. Amelia’s privacy, my privacy, it has been violated. Add to the mix the videos of you with that girl-” Matty stayed in silence, listening to her explanation.

Matty went to tell her everything about Daisy, “I walked her out of the venue…that was all-”

“Well, they say other stuff.” Y/n exposed what the articles were saying, what he read after a quick inspection.

“Y/n, you know better than-”

“Do I? Matty, this is all very confusing…I need time.” Y/n begged.

“I can give you time, space…everything, but don’t leave me.” Matty reached for her hands.

“I think it is for the best, Matty. For now…”

“No.”

“Yes, we need to think about Amelia. We were okay when we stopped messing around-”

Matty felt his throat close down, thinking Y/n could think so less about the connection he felt they had.

He started low, “We weren’t just-”

”Doesn’t matter now.” Y/n spat.

“It does!”

“Matty, be real.”

“I am!”

“What happens when you get bored of me, of being a…couple, ha? Where am I going to be left? Being just your friend again and the mother of your daughter? Think about Amelia…I don’t want us to mess up with her head.”

“Y/n-”

“What happens when you take onto fucking every single groupie again right where you left it?”

“I don’t want to get back to that, Y/n.” he didn’t delay saying. “Since you are in my life, I’m done with it….since we had Amelia here, I’m done with all that shit. I want the three of us…”

“And yet you kept doing it, Matty.” Y/n shot his past doings directly into his face.

“You’re not being fair with me. Adam has a family-”

“Adam is Adam, you…are you, Matty.” Y/n bitter tone wounded Matty deeply.

“I would do anything to have you again.”

Y/n tilted her head.“When did you really have me, Matty? We were never…”

He stopped her before she could finish that lie. “Don’t say it, don’t fucking say it.”

“I’m sorry, Matty. I think it is for the better if I stay with Grace for the night…” Y/n concluded.

She signalled with her hand to move out of her bedroom; Matty didn’t want to, although if this was what she wanted for now, he’d obeyed. For now.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later…

Matty was closing his suitcase, which was placed on top of his bed; a place that stayed untouched for days. Matty had been sleeping on the couch or besides Amelia's crib. He was physically incapable of getting under his sheets.

He looked around, feeling nostalgic already. Matty had to leave for tour in a couple of hours, before that, George was going to pick him up soon. He didn’t want to leave, not when Y/n and him were barely talking. Matty did his best to give her the space and time she needed, he was sure about his intentions and his past actions. If he had to, he would wait his entire life for her. He was sure she was going to return to be his, this time was different from before. Y/n loved him, he knew. That was what kept him going. Even though, leaving for two weeks was reaping his heart from his chest.

Matty grew used to the routine of staying home, going to the studio and return to his girls. He was getting old, getting tired of all the hassle of touring. He loved the moment he was on stage, with the fans, but the rest was starting to bother him. Specially since Amelia and Y/n stayed at home.

The sound of the front door closing, the soft chat of Amelia and Y/n –mostly the mother talking–, brought him back. He took the suitcase, carrying it in one hand while he started walking downstairs.

Matty left the item close to the door, voices came from the kitchen now. He smiled hearing them interact. He walked slowly there.

“Hey.” He made himself present. Y/n turned to look at him from the kitchen, closing the refrigerator slowly.

“Hi.” She answered.

Matty twisted his hands, anxiously, “George is picking me up in a couple of minutes…” he told Y/n.

“Mhm.” she expressed shortly.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Amelia.” Matty hesitated, wanting to say more, wanting to beg.

“Sure.”

He approached Amelia, interrupting her playtime. “Mel-mel?” He called her attention.

“Daddy!” the little girl said, running to hug him.

Matty rounded her, “Baby, daddy has to go now.” He tried to explain, she looked at him trying to understand. “Daddy is going to miss you so much, Mel.” Matty felt tears coming but fought them, he didn’t want to upset her.

Amelia noticed his change, “Daddy.” she hugged him tight, hiding herself inside his embrace.

“I know, I know…I’ll see you soon, okay baby?” Matty rocked from side to side, trying to soothe her.

“No.” she whined.

“Yes, you’re going to have fun with mommy and aunty Grace.” Matty tried this time, holding his sobbing, biting his lip.

Amelia wasn’t having it, “Daddy.”

“It’s okay, we’re okay.”

The doorbell rang, interrupting them. Y/n went to answered it.

After a short chat, she informed, “Matt, George is outside.”

“I know.”

“Come on, she’ll be fine. I promise.” Y/n approached her daughter and Matty.

He stood up, taking Amelia with him. He turned around, coming closer to Y/n. She stood there, waiting for his actions. He took her cheek on his hand, caressing it.

“Y/n-” he said, searching for her eyes.

“Not now Matt-”

He rested his forehead on her. If they weren’t going to talk, at least he needed to be close, to touch her after leaving the house. Maybe, like that, she would understand his feelings.

“Please.” Matty couldn’t stop trying.

“Go and do your thing, Matty.” Y/n said, more sure of herself. “We’ll be here…waiting, and then we will talk, okay?” she promised.

“Mhm.” Matty agreed, without moving a single muscle.

Y/n instructed, “Go.”

Matty opened his eyes, looking at her from inches away. “I love you.” he openly expressed.

“Matty.” Y/n softly complained.

“You don’t have to say it, I need to say it.” she nodded.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Matty spoke, and turned to kiss Amelia’s head. “Bye, baby.” He proceeded to pass Amelia to Y/n.

“Daddy, no-” she struggled, reaching for the comfort of Matty’s body. His heart breaking in pieces with the idea of hurting Amelia.

Y/n lulled her, “Shh, baby…it’s okay, mommy is here.”

Matty walked away, not turning around. If he took one more look at Amelia and Y/n we would refuse to leave the house.

The front door closing down resounded around the house. Amelia started crying harder.

“Daddy!” Amelia tried to call him back.

Matty started to fully cry, still hearing Amelia at the other side of the door.

The walking towards George’s car felt longer than normal. His feet weighing like his shoes were made of concrete.

When he sat down, G asked, “Everything alright?”

“Fuck, no.” Matty admitted, still crying.

“Mate-”

“I’m losing her, G.” Matty hid his face behind his calloused hands.

“What happened?” George wondered.

“She believes I cheated.”

“What? Have you?”

“Fuck you George! Of course not.” Matty pushed his body back into the seat, turning to look at his friend.

G showed him his palms up showing innocence, “Hey! I’m trying to understand.”

“Sorry.”

“Matty…you’re not going to lose Y/n.” G started the car, moving slowly from Matty’s house front.

The frontman shocked his face from side to side, “I can’t lose her, G. I can’t…”

“And you won’t, okay? Give her a little time.” Matty’s mate advised him.

Matty watched his house got lost between the rest around his neighbour. He wanted to return home already.

#matty healy #matty healy fic #all i need #matty healy x reader #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fanfic #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fic #the 1975 fanfic #matty x y/n #george daniel #matty x reader #matty x you #matty the 1975 #matthew healy

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gamebunny-advance · 2 years

Text

Personal Notes (Abbreviations)

CEO - Tatiana

CPT - Captain (Torpedo)

DGI/DGL - Digital Idol (Sayu)

DGX - DJSS

DIV - Diva (Eve)

DKW - DK West

DXT - Retdex

FSO - Food Stall Owner (Auntie)

GEN - Generic

GGI - Gigi

GNG - Gang? (Yiruk)

IBA - Info Booth Attendant (Mia)

JNL - Journalist (Barbara)

KPR - K-Pop Robots (1010)

MNC - Musician Child? (Yinu)

MSE - Music Elitist (Joey)

NOF - Number 1 Fan (Kliff)

POL - Police (Azma)

QWT - Qwaza Technician (Timmy)

RBT - Robot

RDJ - Radio DJ (Zam)

TRS - Tourists (Jan & Daphne)

UNC - Unicorn (Amal)

WCL - Window Cleaner (Dash)

ZED - Zed

#this is just a list to help me sort through the sound clips #gbunny scraps #nsr

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soundjunglefan · 9 months

Link

#Dance #Funky #Gliffo #HeYoMa #Pop #Spotify #Video

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jkomaliondog · 1 year

Photo

Mr Oak the gardener elephant: He own an flower shop who study rare flowers And different plants in different planets he water the planet by using an his trunk also he an vegetarian. Mrs patch the create DIV she love to create something with her own help just like her mom. DJ Tubbo who was a pop techno with his own technology music love to drop the beat he was create his own music with sound effects or mashup music is that ok to them he love to hang out with Technoex and synth brother of the techno tribe and DJ. He always flirting with king Technoex. DJ Niki is Tubbo sister who love to break dancing with hiphop or any type of music she love to hang out with lagoon and K-pop kitty or Reggaeton Liondogs. Carambols who love to mix fruit and make recipes with an star sparkling.

#Komastarlife #DJ #Mr Oak #Mrs Patch #DJ Tubbo #DJ Niki #Carambols

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glamourue · 2 months

Text

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 𝟢𝟦𝟦ㅤ ⠀:ㅤㅤ⠀ ⠀𝖻𝖺𝗅𝗅ᧉ𝗋𝗂𝗇ᧉㅤㅤ ⠀ ⠀𔐼̸ㅤㅤ⠀ ⠀ 𝗱𝗲𝗹ⲓ𝖼𝖺𝗍ᧉ.

⠀⠀ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤׂㅤ ⠀ ⠀ ✧ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ྀི ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ͙ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ׄ

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punkscowardschampions · 2 years

Text

Joe & Ray

Joe: Where you @ 🦇🔦

Ray: Shop

Ray: y? 👀

Joe: Ideal, pick up all the nice scran, stuff that’ll make the kids 👀 pop out, like

Ray: 👀 where this is headed

Joe: mystic meg you don’t need to be 🔮

Joe: saw the envelope full on the side when I got in, don’t need the three guesses

Ray: not for our crimbo prezzies

Joe: can fake that to the little ones

Joe: setting ‘em up for disappointment but what ain’t 🎄😭

Ray: gorra happen 1 day 🎄🔥 but tonight ain’t it 🍭🍫🍩🧁🍪

Joe: can’t complain when they getting it with no spends between any of us, least of all them freeloaders

Joe: did give us the funds for blockbuster though, keep ‘em 😶🤩

Ray: Class I know what 📼 to stick in they won’t have a cob on about

Joe: Saw II was a mistake, yeah

Ray: Tommo back in his own bed yet?

Joe: Fraze took the piss hard enough he is ‘til he’s dead cert he’s asleep, yeah

Ray: put it out his own head when he used to get pure shit up by [something era appropriate for baby Fraze lol]

Joe: Funny how selective his memory is, like

Ray: innit

Ray: must be that long ago 🙄 properly grock scally now he is 🙄 don’t you know? 🙄

Joe: 😏 being hard would involve doing in 7 year olds

Joe: properly scary, our Tommo

Ray: keeping him made up with extra 🍬🍬 myself like

Joe: Smart 💡

Joe: they’ll wanna crash in mum and dad’s bed with you when they eventually do

Ray: 💡 to grab [whatever the cheap energy drinks of the era are called because clearly not gonna sleep]

Joe: gonna be looking fatter than Hollie T by the time you get out

Ray: 😏 dead scary if I meet her on the way home 🔦

Joe: be no 🍭🍫🍩🧁🍪 trail for me to follow to your body either, devvo

Ray: crisp bags & cans if she don’t eat em 2

Joe: walking skip sounds about fair

Joe: have to be chiefing the whole offie 100x over to have us getting near that size

Ray: have to meet me if the 💡 is to get messy when the rest are 😴 on my tod I’d be a div to chief 1 bottle wearing this clobber but be easy for you in yours

Joe: you rather I went about in too tight tops like a right scally myself

Joe: but doubt messy is the mood either of us will be in, nah?

Ray: Wouldn’t be me getting done in by every lad on the estate for dressing up like em so there’s no would I rather

Ray: know you’d smash it 1x1 but that ain’t gonna how it’d go when they can outnumber you like 🐺🐺🐺

Joe: May well dress for the job they’re gonna have ⛓🚿🧼🎱🧦⛓

Joe: even scum like us gotta have pride, fuck looking like that much of a twat

Ray: come off it soft lad you mean to tell me they ain’t all gonna be ⚽️🏆 like our [some local-ish person made good of the era that nobody shuts up about even if he’s not remotely close to being a professional footballer in the big leagues]??!!

Joe: and give up the saturday/sunday sesh with some casual violence thrown in? 😱

Joe: not even make half-time 💔

Ray: not reach the halfway line before they’re 🤮😭 & that’s before the sesh

Joe: watch him get them all wound up so they’re spewing their sweeties up before 9

Joe: just ‘cos he’s aggro about it

Ray: Have I gotta 👀 that?

Joe: It’d be us has to clean it up, can only be arsed playing mammies and daddies when it’s a laugh for them, not long enough sort the kids out for real

Ray: fun & games when it’s 🏠💕 be us 🤢 & 😡 the kids don’t know what’s what

Joe: If he could actually be trusted to do what needs to be done, like you can, leave ‘em to it

Joe: not my idea of a fun Friday night, like 🤷🏻

Ray: you’re not leaving me 2 it though are you?

Joe: of course not

Ray: swear

Joe: fuck shit cunt

Joe: 🖕🖕🖕

Ray: 😏 k then

Ray: as it came right from your 🖤 I can tell

Joe: is right

Joe: you know I wouldn’t leave youse, ‘less that was gonna protect you but sticking together is usually the one

Ray: it’s sticking together including the 2 of em that’s 💔

Joe: won’t be much longer, bet she’ll get in to a top school full of bute dickheads and he’ll be so 💔 about it he has to start his life of crime, like

Joe: swear that an’ all

Ray: she is a big enough swot & up herself to fit in with em even if they’re from [posh streets and their nicknames]

Joe: Shame I can’t get in [the local girl’s school that is posh] too

Ray: Grow your hair a bit longer & you probably could

Joe: 😏 ha

Ray: seen what some of the girls coming out the gates look like 😬 lip gloss & a going over with the straighteners you’d be pure prettier

Joe: Ahh, I get it

Joe: you wanna go there and 👀 at them mingers some more

Joe: should’ve said, or started swotting

Ray: Come on don’t you wanna do makeovers tonight?💅💋✨🎀

Joe: What else could I ask you to do at a totally normal sleepover, nothing to see here, yeah

Ray: can go for it naming the dare I ain’t 😱

Joe: maybe I will

Ray: I’ve got [whatever Joe’s fave sweet or snack is because obvs] for you to earn off us

Joe: you swiped ‘em and got away free, but I’ve gotta earn ‘em

Joe: windup, you are but alright then

Ray: read it back & work out how much I’ve done there vs you

Joe: oi, who do you reckons raiding the freezer for their tea

Joe: call it teamwork

Ray: get Bea to & push her into it & maybe I will

Joe: sleeping with the fishfingers

Ray: Captain Birdseye would be made up to have her ☠️

Joe: he’s definitely sketchy

Ray: Fraze can spend his night trying to save her from another sly old fella he’ll be as made up himself & we’ll be left to it

Joe: like he wouldn’t do worse if he had half the chance

Ray: yeah but shut it I don’t wanna 👂

Joe: scrub 🧠

Ray: all over bleach bath @ the 💭 is right

Joe: you’d disappear, already the palest blonde

Ray: but I’d soon turn red from the scrubbing

Ray: & if my freckles went I wouldn’t be devvo like

Joe: Anything to look less like him

Ray: Laura Hughes said I look like mum uses my face to clean the floor

Joe: hers looks like she’s used boot polish on it to change her race

Joe: you don’t need to be listening to girls like her

Ray: you can hear her from [street names really far away]

Joe: can hear her from my class

Joe: She’s jealous you don’t need to hide acne under layers of orange, that’s all

Ray: swear she started wearing a bra when she was about 8

Ray: what’s in the taps on her street?

Joe: sure it’s not padding?

Ray: you gonna touch her up for us to check for khazi paper or her dad’s socks?

Joe: Not sure I can stand the disappointment, sis

Ray: it’d be the bullshit coming out her gob after youse were alone together getting repeated estatewide you’d properly hate

Ray: I can’t let you take that bullet for her kiddy namecalling

Joe: can keep my hands to myself then, that what you’re saying

Ray: she’ll be out of school ages before I am when some other lad don’t & she gets herself stuck with her own kid to raise instead of just her mum’s

Joe: circle of the council estate

Joe: you better fucking not

Ray: 🤮 lads who try it on’ll not be having kids with nobody ☠️ a decently aimed kick & they’re wrecked

Joe: 👏 right answer

Joe: only sounds as coached as it is

Ray: they can have the 1 smart 💡 without us needing to scrub 🧠

Joe: they’ve had enough shite ones to not make it 🤢 to admit

Ray: & lads are that scatty

Joe: not gonna fight you on it, everyone is

Ray: am I?

Joe: 🤔

Joe: nah, it’s different, we are

Ray: 👏 boss answer

Joe: barely coached, that

Joe: round of applause warranted

Ray: 👑 is gonna be going hard but I do feel different

Joe: get them to make you a tinfoil one, or share their plastic ones

Ray: 👸🏼✨☠️

Joe: Leave the 🕷💜🕸 decorating to them, 50/50 if you end up with actual bugs in your hair

Ray: 💡 to send em out with jars before it’s proper dark for Laura’s payback makeover 🐜🐛🐌🐞

Joe: 💡💡

Joe: any of ‘em got nits atm or

Ray: Ro’ll she’s the cleanest

Joe: ☣️ biological warfare ☣️

Ray: gave yourself a handful of [the fave bribe of sweet or snack] for it

Joe: if you wanna spread some on their pillows, I won’t tell

Ray: 😏

Ray: fun friday getting closer with each 💡

Joe: no mum and dad clearly means SO much alone time 🙄

Ray: Whatever warfare it takes to put a stop to it

Joe: you don’t reckon the threat of them legit killing him will do that

Ray: do you reckon there’s a big enough threat out there to put em off necking each other when they’ve got the real half a chance you brought up?

Ray: he’s only scared he don’t know how & what she’d say to him then

Joe: try not to 💭

Joe: and hope the embarrassment when that does happen 💀💀 him

Ray: I 💭 about the 👃🩸 when their heads crash together

Ray: it happened to Mandy 3 doors down

Joe: okay have that one 💡

Joe: thought she looked a bit wonky

Ray: I’ve seen you 👀 @ her

Joe: when?

Ray: when you reckon you can get away with it

Joe: should’ve known I was living with sherlock here 👀

Joe: and I never was, not hard

Ray: now you know & over my ☠️ body are youse 2 gonna 💋

Ray: ☣️ hazard

Joe: I’ll only chin her myself if it’s really really boring, yeah

Ray: I’d giz you my left over bleach to gargle with if it was going off but it ain’t on my watch

Joe: protecting me from slags ain’t on the checklist but tah

Ray: dunno what one you’ve got 🧚🏼‍♀️✨ it’s on mine

Joe: okay, tink

Joe: pretty cute but I’ll keep it 😶 for your street cred

Ray: she’s not cute she’s 👿☠️

Joe: and 😈😍

Ray: nobody’s gonna 💭 I’m jealous of Mandy I’m not rem even if there’s a chance she is

Joe: scared it’s that obvious Ray: nah

Joe: you’re not jealous of Mand ‘cos you know you’re better company

Ray: yeah 0 competition from her

Joe: is 0 getting a bit carried away, like

Ray: you tell me

Joe: you give her a fair chance

Ray: how much do you wanna fancy her 😬⚠️

Joe: I’m just saying, probably all she is good for

Joe: why’d I wanna chat to her

Ray: why would you 💋 her?

Joe: you’ll work it out yourself soon

Ray: shut it you 🤥 I won’t

Joe: not with Mandy, nah

Joe: but some lad you reckon is properly fit

Ray: 😑 no such lad

Joe: I’m only messing

Joe: you ain’t old enough, or a slag like she is, you wouldn’t do that

Ray: I’d only get wrecked by it & why would I want that

Joe: you don’t

Joe: it’s different for lads

Ray: not by loads though you’ve still got a 🖤

Joe: do I?

Ray: don’t you?

Joe: dunno

Joe: Mandy ain’t gonna break it, either way

Ray: you do I’ve felt it

Joe: I’ll believe you

Ray: I’m dead trustworthy yeah you can ask [whatever the shopkeeper we’ve just robbed blind is called] 👼🏼

Joe: 😏 yeah you look it alright

Ray: I know

Ray: gonna take me far in life this face

Joe: as long as it ain’t 🏥⛓⛪️🏚

Joe: done my job

Ray: professional spoilsport like

Joe: something like that

Joe: call it an IOU

Ray: k Joe

Joe: what you k’ing at us for

Ray: no reason 😏

Joe: you started it 👶🏼

Ray: someone who’s losing it would say that

Joe: someone who’s gonna be stuck watching [a kid’s film of the era] would be acting this brave

Ray: if I am you are

Ray: already had you swear you’ll not leave me 2 it

Joe: plenty else in the house that’ll need doing

Ray: keep us company

Ray: you’ve done the sound thing & admitted it’s more class than Mandy’s

Joe: be a bit much to lock her in at this point

Joe: don’t need to let the whole street know how weird we are, do we

Ray: blood’s thicker than ☢️ spit

Joe: I don’t need to get headbutted to spill none for you

Ray: We just need a 🪒 or 🧷 if you’re gonna keep on being a spoilsport & Mr Overprotective

Joe: no one outside of this house is allowed to hurt you

Joe: even touch you or look at you funny

Joe: me and you can use whatever 🔪 feels the sharpest

Ray: I hate going outside

Joe: me too

Joe: let’s bunk monday too

Ray: yeah everyone looks at me funny @ school

Joe: you’re so pretty

Joe: they dunno what they’re on

Ray: you’re the only person who don’t reckon I’m pure ugly

Joe: everyone here is rem or they wouldn’t be stuck here

Joe: we’ll get class jobs then we can have a house with those blackout curtains and not leave until it’s dark and every twat in the [good neighbourhood we are aspiring to here] is asleep

Ray: What job do you wanna get?

Joe: music, ‘course

Joe: even if I write for other dickheads, that’d still be top

Ray: I don’t care long as I can do it from a dead boss laptop

Joe: massive telly that don’t take up the whole wall ‘cos the room is massive too

Ray: fuck off big seetees we can lie on cos we don’t have to share em with nobody

Joe: fridge with the ice dispensers and double doors

Ray: a properly posh bath like you watch in films

Joe: hot tub too

Ray: can play songs loud as we want cos we we’ll have decent walls and it won’t be a shite semi

Joe: [the best soundsystem of the time, idk, nerd out]

Ray: !!

Joe: own rooms, for once

Ray: k but we’ve gorra have a connecting door

Joe: beds will be kingsize, you can come share, when you need to

Ray: it’s fucked we can’t now

Ray: their fault

Joe: yeah

Ray: but tonight we will

Joe: those 3 between us, can’t say there’s anything fucked about it

Ray: I don’t wanna stare at the ceiling waiting for mum & dad to come home

Joe: I can’t

Joe: the kids will fall asleep and we’ll keep each other busy, distracted

Ray: they could sleep through 💣💥 dunno how or remember when I was the same

Ray: my stomach’s already ⚓️

Joe: they’ve got us

Joe: we didn’t have nobody when they were gone

Ray: each other

Joe: always each other

Joe: they think we’re proper grown-ups though

Ray: Fraze & Bea think they can act it out

Ray: as if they’re married

Joe: for the kids benefit or theirs, right

Ray: I could be jealous of that

Ray: how it would feel to pretend

Joe: Not enough fake sisters to go around, typical him to not share

Ray: I can’t bail to my 💭 he can have it

Ray: what I imagine’s worse than what’s happening outside of my head

Joe: I could show you some of the things I do, that make it feel

Joe: I dunno if better but it’s better than doing nothing or pretending could be

Ray: show us

Ray: I’m going west with everything I try & do

Joe: you’ve gotta ignore how west it is, just know it works

Ray: if you say it will I know it’s gonna

Joe: Trust me, acting it is better than feeling it

Joe: anyway, no one is gonna see

Ray: you ain’t full of shite the way those 2 are

Ray: course I trust what you’d tell me

Joe: You can start now, if you want, there’s one you can do walking back

Ray: What is it?

Joe: you have to find a house for every number of our phone number, and knock on the door as many times as the next number in the order, and you can’t go until they’re opening their door, when you do the last house, knock [however long your landline number is total] and run all the way back here

Ray: you’re gonna trust I’ve done it properly yeah?

Joe: There’s no point lying, I’ll do it if you don’t

Joe: but if you keep your bottle and stand, so will they, and if you don’t get caught by no pissed off neighbour, neither will they

Ray: I’m not scared or gonna lie

Joe: I trust you an’ all

Ray: 👀

Ray: it’ll be done exactly how you said to, swear

Joe: you’re gonna feel so much better, Ray, you won’t believe it

Ray: you’re a class brother I dunno what I’d do without you

Joe: you don’t need to find out

Joe: I’m not gonna ditch

Ray: I need you here you can’t be going off nowhere with nobody

Joe: never ever, no one is as important

Ray: proved your 🖤 is real & big enough to have me in

Joe: Ha, alright

Joe: I only wish it was dead most the time then

Ray: you’re not gonna when I help you feel better too

Joe: you promise

Ray: yeah

Ray: whatever it takes I’m not scared to do you know it

Joe: if you wanna do it, I’ll let you, only then

Ray: I wanna do as much for you as you are for me

Joe: there’s loads more

Joe: keeps your head full of blood pumping and chaos and there’s no room for nothing else

Ray: how am I gonna give you anything back as smart as that?

Joe: easy, I’m getting to see it work for you, not doing it alone

Ray: neither me or you feeling on our tod from here on

Joe: Deal

Ray: meaning I can tell you things if they’re a bit west 2

Joe: everything

Ray: Deal

Joe: 🔓

Ray: What I do is nothing

Ray: I’m not allowed to eat none of the 🍭🍫🍩🧁🍪 or nothing else out the cupboards then I try not moving & talking as much as I can without wrecking the kids heads til mum & dad go work Monday like normal

Joe: I can see the logic and the appeal, not being the right word there… but how do you ignore your 🧠💭

Ray: I don’t

Ray: I empty myself out so I’m full of 🧠💭 then they’re stuck in us instead of happening outside to mum & dad

Joe: It’s a good plan

Joe: my brain never wants to do nothing, I’m bad at it

Ray: the longer I last @ it the better the ✉️ drops have gone last time I didn’t eat til I was home for tea but when I gave up by morning break on [a date] remember how the spends came out short

Joe: We’ll swap, or try to

Joe: you can do what I do and I’ll try to do nothing

Ray: Don’t disappear already the skinniest

Joe: I forget to eat a lot anyway, that won’t be the hard part

Joe: it’s how loud it’ll get

Ray: I’ll be louder

Joe: 🔊👂🩸

Ray: k I’ll stop before there’s 🩸 or it’ll fuck up your music job

Joe: good point, won’t dig around in there with the ✂️

Ray: ✂️ away I can’t & won’t walk about looking like a Barbie Ali’s played with

Joe: Laura would definitely not let that go 📢

Joe: I think it’d look top

Ray: you wanna make me over with ✂️🧷🔪?

Joe: you rather felt tips and the ancient makeup of mums they thief

Ray: I’m thinking what you’d do if I let you

Joe: less of a Picasso than her but

Ray: get gripped if you go too far like

Joe: leave your eyes where they are on your head 🤞

Ray: Mand would probably notice 👀 if you moved em somewhere dead freaky

Ray: go from Barbie to [friendly or not neighbourhood cat’s name because cats like to lie in some weird poses haha]

Joe: how much do you wanna fancy her 😬⚠️

Ray: 🙄🖕😑🖕

Joe: 😏

Ray: be Laura’s next jab maybe you should neck her instead

Joe: Won’t cheer her up, moody cow

Ray: I’d be made up if you headbutted her

Joe: can do that without swapping ☣️ flob

Ray: alright, I’ll wait & 👀 if you’re gonna for us

Joe: buzzing for when the lads ‘round her way bang me out for doing a girl in

Ray: they’re jokes those lads

Ray: but I’ll 🥊 her myself then

Joe: was serious, be a 🥳

Ray: I know & 💭 about it I’d be a divvy not to get in on the 🎊🥳🎉

Joe: can always give ‘em a reason to be 👀 at me

Ray: me 2

Joe: McKenna perks

Ray: & there’s the non scally 🎯 don’t forget

Joe: be the next goth kid to be kicked to death, like

Ray: you better not

Ray: what am I gonna do after you’ve been 👟🩸☠️?

Joe: 😭😭😭

Ray: I’m serious you’ll be leaving me outnumbered

Ray: & their 3rd wheel 🤮🤮🤮

Joe: I’ll have to stop it from going too far then, can’t have that on my conscience

Ray: no point bailing til I’m older & can afford [that street we were fantasising about]

Ray: have to ☠️ myself if you are

Joe: be back to barely getting by with the # of kids in this house

Ray: not my idea of fun to 👀 em as a 👻

Joe: Ghosts are shit, fair

Joe: who’s scared of a dead person who can’t move on

Ray: it’ll be shit haunting you if you’re not arsed

Ray: will have to make dead cert we’re both ☠️

Joe: sure you don’t wanna go out with him

Joe: well poetic

Ray: shut it

Joe: third wheeling their ⚰️🪦

Joe: you had dibs first, technically

Ray: I don’t want dibs already had to live with him

Ray: can fuck off he reckons I’m gonna ☠️ with him 2

Joe: me and you, then

Ray: 🛁🪒

Ray: cinematic tops poetic nobody reads

Joe: long as it looks like a scene out of a splatter film

Joe: can promise you that, easy

Ray: can’t have the only promise you’ve ever broke to me be the last one

Joe: I won’t

Joe: you’ll be in 17 pieces before I leave you alone with them

Ray: Why's it 17?

Joe: I counted

Joe: hands x2

Joe: arms and legs into 2 parts = 8 total

Joe: feet x2

Joe: torso you could break into hips, ribs and then shoulders = 3

Joe: skull and your spine =2, ta-da

Ray: what about teeth?

Joe: isn’t it like 206 bones total, something like that

Joe: I dunno if teeth count but I’ll count when it gets to it, if you wanna get that specific

Ray: just saying you could take my jaw off if you’re breaking up other parts

Joe: no point keeping a trophy if I’ve gotta suck on the end of a rifle when I’m done

Ray: it’d be a shite trophy anyway I don’t get all my adult teeth til I’m 21 or something like that

Joe: they’re still in there

Joe: ain’t you seen a kid’s skull

Ray: no

Joe: I’ll show you when we do go back to school

Joe: it’s well creepy, they’re in the jaw behind the baby ones, waiting

Ray: that’s boss!

Joe: librarian will defs wanna ring social if she sees

Joe: you’re right though, it’s not what I’d wanna keep

Ray: come on then what would you

Joe: hair, unless I worked out a way to keep your skin from rotting

Ray: You can have some now I’ve got loads nobody’d even 👀 it gone

Joe: yeah? ✂️

Ray: I’ll do a properly small plait you can ✂️ when I leg it back

Joe: well nice, you are

Ray: you’ll feel much better & I swore I’d do whatever for it to happen

Joe: make me blush

Ray: a rush of 🩸 that’s all

Joe: s’not

Ray: but if you’d bleed for me it’s alright if you 😳

Joe: it doesn’t bother me, there’s nothing weird about it

Ray: exactly

Joe: I love you, you love me

Ray: 🖤🖤

Ray: I don’t need to count petals to know you do

Joe: not a head wrecker neither, not like other lads

Ray: I’d take a lit match to my hair before I cut it for any of em

Joe: thinking about that is almost bad enough to distract from thinking about the rest

Ray: they make me feel disgusting what they think about

Joe: they are disgusting

Ray: I hate it

Joe: I’ll make you forget you’ve heard any of it

Ray: I pure love you

Ray: so much

Joe: we’ll always love each other more than anyone else

Ray: everyone else is too different they can’t understand

Joe: everyone else makes me feel so mental

Ray: you’re not they’re 🧠☠️

Ray: 😴 through 💣💥🏠🔥

Joe: you 👀 it all too

Ray: yeah

Ray: I’ve pulled out my hair before cos it feels like my 🧠 is gonna 💥

Joe: I’ve done eyelashes

Joe: hair’d be less obvious at this point though

Ray: getting gripped don’t happen however obvious though

Joe: true

Joe: just said I’d got conjunctivitis

Ray: I remember that

Ray: how paranoid Fraze got he’d catch it

Joe: 🙄 he don’t get nothing

Ray: nah he don’t

Joe: like he’s still proper little

Ray: he’ll have his own kids & still be acting like a big one

Joe: I don’t wanna see that

Ray: we won’t have to

Ray: not gonna let him round ours & the spare key’ll be well hid nowhere he’d reckon on looking

Joe: no under the flowerpot bullshit

Ray: is right

Ray: & I’ll always be in we don’t really need 1 anyway

Joe: I’ll hide you from everything and everyone, so safe

Ray: swear

Joe: on my life

Joe: no one will know where we live

Ray: soon as we’re old enough to go & not come back that’s what I wanna do

Joe: we will

Joe: no hassle no thoughts you can’t escape

Ray: I dunno why I kept em to myself & didn’t tell you

Joe: talking about it is

Joe: some of it don’t even go into words, or your head says you’re not allowed to

Ray: my head’s scary when it lays down the law

Joe: I know

Ray: you know what to do I keep getting it wrong

Joe: sometimes

Joe: we can work it out together, the rest

Ray: I’m @ [whatever number of house is feasible by now in the timeframe like just so you know I’m doing it]

Joe: have you been scared

Ray: course not

Joe: you’re brave

Ray: McKenna perks

Joe: you know you’re the prettiest girl on the whole estate

Ray: What about [whoever are considered to be the prettiest by general consensus cos there always are girls who are]?

Joe: much prettier

Joe: there’s nothing interesting about them

Ray: 😳

Joe: we’re even

Ray: what about [whatever emo gals we hang out with here and therefore must think are vaguely interesting enough to do so] would you swerve em 2?

Joe: that depends

Joe: if I needed distracting, I’d neck on with them

Ray: you can’t

Joe: only if you ain’t about

Ray: I’d ☠️ watching that

Ray: [a slightly older girl we used to hang about with but now don’t because of her fancying Joe haha] fancies you 😒 it was her sly agenda for being in with us

Joe: have to really really change and become my enemy for me to make you watch that

Joe: she the one with the streaks in her hair?

Ray: I knew you’d be able to pick her out the lineup

Joe: what she’s going for, look at me look at me

Ray: she’s well pretty

Joe: she wears a lot of eyeliner though

Ray: &? Don’t you reckon it looks smart?

Joe: it does

Joe: but being pretty with the right face on ain’t hard, not seen her without half her face covered in black, the other white 🤡

Ray: 😏 that’s fair like

Joe: and she was a shit mate so sod her

Ray: she wanted to giz us some streaks I said cheers but I’ve already got a twin could’ve been something to do with y she had such a cob on

Joe: she wanted a proper proper bezzie to have them sleepovers with

Ray: 🙄 never slept nowhere but home ain’t gonna start @ hers if I felt the urge 🙄

Joe: me neither 🤞

Ray: don’t you dare

Joe: jokes 😏

Ray: punchline’s a gut punch

Joe: not chancing it, any level

Ray: you’ll make me spew up on number [whatever it is]’s front step

Joe: having to do 9 knocks an’ all, not be happy with you

Ray: can 👂 a dog that’d eat it 🤞 maybe before I’m found out

Joe: free meal

Joe: feed begs like that, save loadsa spends

Ray: 💡 to keep us the prettiest on the estate & mum & dad safe

Joe: he would, known worse 🦊💩🐀

Ray: scatty old muppet

Joe: remember when he got into the sausages defrosting on the side

Ray: & the tinfoil off dad’s bbq

Joe: shitting ⭐️s a well boss trick

Ray: he’s got a loads better 🔊👂🩸 bark than this dog @ number 9

Joe: got the hang of it now

Ray: 🖤

Joe: 🖤

Joe: they are walking him rn

Ray: Course they are

Joe: only jobs that get ‘em far away from mum, dad and the kids, obvs

Ray: jobs he can have a ciggy in his gob while he’s @ em 🙄

Joe: how else will you know he’s 💪

Ray: fitter to her through a cloud of smoke’s fair though

Joe: 😎 only

Ray: dunno where he’s put his glasses probably in the skip on [whatever a nearby road is called]

Joe: good thing they’re free, only wasting the governments money there

Ray: you’d reckon it was a fucking massive brace like [someone who unfortunately has one] 😭 he does

Ray: but yeah he’s properly grown & grock deffo not a big girl’s 👚

Joe: fancies himself that much he can’t hack it

Joe: no one else reckons he’s that potent, ‘cept Bea, like

Ray: what a 💔 to have

Joe: real tragedy

Ray: ideal for the film they 💭 they’re in 🤩

Joe: no great romances start here

Ray: do they even exist?

Joe: 🤔

Ray: gotta be a great big con like who do we know who’s in love

Joe: mum and dad?

Ray: 🤔

Ray: they wouldn’t shelve it in the 🥰❣️💕💒 section @ Blockbusters

Joe: neither of them is exactly Hugh or Julia, is why

Joe: dunno if we can call it not 🖤 though

Ray: yeah it must be 🖤

Joe: who wants 💐🍫🍾 anyway

Joe: he’d die for her

Ray: Bea 🙄

Ray: you’re right though mum’d stay alive for dad even on days she don’t wanna

Joe: exactly, might be one of the only things they got right

Ray: they’ll be back safe if I do this right won’t they?

Joe: yeah

Joe: there’s more steps but you’re doing really good

Ray: What’s the next?

Joe: it depends where everyone is and what they wanna do, if you have any time alone or the kids are in your face

Joe: the list is endless

Ray: they’ll be stuffing 🍭🍫🍩🧁🍪 in their faces could drive a bus through the kitchen & they wouldn’t be arsed

Joe: alright, yeah, you can let Ro count and order the sweeties, she’ll do it proper

Ray: don’t need to 👀 her she never chiefs any

Joe: exactly, once the other 2 are back in too and mum and dad are out, I’ll show you how to check all the doors and windows proper

Joe: then you’re right, can go to the bathroom and do another one that makes your head full of 🩸 nowt else, ‘fore they’ll be arsed about a film

Ray: my heart’s racing & I’ve still gotta run back

Joe: s’as good as having your headphones blaring

Joe: you can take a break, if you need one

Ray: I don’t

Ray: I want everything to spin

Joe: good

Joe: so keep going

Ray: I’d be dead fast if I weren’t weighed down by the kids’ bribes

Joe: about sums them up

Ray: worth it for the peace it’ll earn me & you

Joe: be so much easier if we didn’t have to worry about them

Ray: what we get for mum & dad being pure in love

Ray: other people’s parents would’ve fallen out of it by 3

Joe: 🤢🤢

Joe: other people’s would’ve worked out how rubbers work

Ray: least Bea knows cos can’t trust Fraze not be that rem he’d chance it

Joe: the other girls he’ll have to worry about

Ray: you said none of them reckon he’s potent

Joe: some girls ain’t fussy, depends how much he still fancies himself in a few years

Ray: 🤢🤢

Joe: not if Bea has anything to do with it, you’re alright

Ray: she’ll go west

Joe: like you

Ray: we ain’t alike

Joe: not much

Ray: fuck you 🖕 not at all

Joe: Alright, alright

Ray: why do you reckon we are?

Ray: cept to 😤 us

Joe: how I said, you get jealous too, that’s it

Ray: I’m allowed to

Ray: you’re my brother she’s not his anything

Joe: not how she wants it

Ray: she knows it don’t work like that

Ray: getting what you want cos you want it

Joe: probably not

Ray: life’s only that fair if you’re a bute baby born in [the fanciest place they know]

Joe: I don’t care if we live there, I’d still not have no sprogs ever

Ray: You’d be a top dad wherever you lived

Joe: nah

Ray: yeah

Ray: they’d feel so safe & made up all the time

Joe: it’s too much, to make that happen all the time, why it don’t

Ray: if anyone could do it it’d be you

Joe: you want some, one day

Ray: I dunno it’s different when you’re the girl doing it

Ray: the kid has to be inside of us & then come out

Joe: scarier than any slasher, that

Ray: is a slasher if they have to cut it out

Joe: more like alien the other way

Ray: nobody tells you what to do if it comes out looking 👽

Ray: how long are you meant to wait & 👀🤞?

Joe: ask mam, Ali and Tommo were really weird looking

Ray: I don’t remember properly

Joe: really?

Ray: maybe they were so 👽 I’ve blocked it out

Joe: scarred you for life

Ray: there’s loads I should but don’t & have to pretend about

Joe: You was well little when Tommo was born anyway, most people look at pictures and fill in the blanks, I reckon

Ray: do you reckon I was weird looking 2?

Joe: you and him were blonde but less blonde

Joe: their hair was white like they’d seen 👻👻

Ray: I dunno where they got you from but I’m made up they did

Joe: not a box like mum, be suspicious if it weren’t her they popped out of

Joe: dunno where my hair came from, look more like Bea and Ro than any of you

Ray: they were mates mum & dad might’ve won you in a game of cards off em or something

Joe: might be onto something

Joe: ended up with the full set in the end

Ray: I think your hair is class

Joe: not like I’ve got a shit 80s perm, nah

Ray: we could have a go or tip the bleach on instead of downing it 😏

Joe: it’d go ranga then I’d be proper like their brother instead

Joe: piss off with that 😂

Ray: come on it’d put off Mandy & [that emo girl we hate]

Joe: yeah, and what’s in it for me, like 😏

Ray: us not @ your throat about it

Joe: sounds like I don’t like it, put it like that

Ray: you’d like us as your proper proper bezzie more I reckon

Joe: have to 👀

Ray: I’ll show you

Joe: I’m glad you told me

Joe: and I could tell you, some of the 🧠💩

Ray: you don’t gotta hold back none now we’ve started

Ray: you know you can trust me with all your 🧠💩

Joe: You can trust me, anything

Ray: I’d pull out every eyelash to wish we could 🔒 the rest of em out tonight if it was any use

Ray: give you a fucking break

Joe: you’re the only one who sees it, that it’s any fucking harder for me being oldest

Ray: they lean on you that hard I swear I can feel it in my own 🦴🦴

Joe: mum treats me like I’m more mature than dad

Ray: you probably are but that don’t mean it’s alright for her to

Ray: it ain’t it’s arl to put her bullshit on your shoulders

Joe: when I was younger, I didn’t mind, could tell it made her feel better so who cares

Joe: now, I dunno

Ray: you’ve had enough

Joe: one thing ranting to a kid you reckons got no clue, takes the piss if she still thinks that now though

Ray: she’s not thinking about you when she’s carrying on like that

Joe: if you are

Joe: then I’ll be good

Ray: I will

Ray: loads more even than I already do

Joe: how are you still so sweet, eh

Ray: clue’s in the name

Joe: it suits you

Ray: anything not to feel like she swapped 1 R daughter for another

Joe: do you think we’ll ever find her

Ray: if we did I wouldn’t know what to think

Joe: I don’t think she would either

Ray: maybe she’d understand our 🧠💩 2 but then you’d end up liking her more than us same as mum does

Joe: mum don’t know her, there’s nothing she can like or dislike, just her 💭

Ray: all I know is she wanted Fraze & she got me for a tag along & that wrecked her head

Ray: it don’t matter how long I’m here I can’t compete with someone who ain’t but she reckons should be

Joe: you think she’d be better if it was only me, him and Tommo

Ray: don’t you?

Joe: maybe

Joe: she was keen to crack on adding 2 more girls though so I don’t know

Ray: they’re different they make up for it a bit I don’t I’m adding to mum’s guilt not taking none away

Joe: I don’t think it’d make no odds to the girl, that you are and I’m a lad

Joe: she’ll either not care at all or be fuming at us all existing as a whole

Ray: I dunno how she’d not care they didn’t exactly hang about

Joe: yeah, but we dunno where she is, could easily be better than here without having to do much

Ray: !! she could live on [their fantasy street] & be our neighbour & we’d have no clue

Joe: She’d be about 15 now, give it another year and she could go off and live anywhere she wants

Ray: do you think she’ll come looking for mum?

Joe: no way to know, would you, if you were her

Ray: depends on the other one I got if she was pure boss there’s not much need

Joe: some people are curious, others would rather not know

Ray: Ali’d be off like a shot in her place

Joe: she’d try it now if she was

Ray: I feel like a divvy saying this cos she’s just a kid but she makes me feel rem she’s that sharp

Joe: nah, I get it

Joe: if she had been born in my spot, she might’ve actually sorted mum out, honestly

Ray: should’ve been me doing it

Joe: no

Joe: proper adults sort themselves ‘fore having any kids is how it is

Joe: you taking my spot wouldn’t make me feel better

Ray: I’ve let you down is how I feel

Joe: no more than I’ve let you down, all of you

Ray: if I was a better daughter she wouldn’t have had to keep on trying for Ali & all our lives’d be easier

Joe: shh, you’re not a bad daughter

Ray: I’ve gotta be nothing else makes sense

Joe: you haven’t done anything wrong, Ray, I promise

Ray: if it was true it would feel true & I wouldn’t feel wrong all the time

Joe: everything is wrong, the world is fucked, ‘specially ours

Ray: I don’t wanna be here

Joe: I know, me neither

Ray: I’ve fucked it I’m meant to be running & I’ve stopped

Joe: where are you, I could come find you

Ray: [wherever the hell this gal is]

Ray: it won’t work now nothing’s gonna work now

Joe: yes it will, you did all the doors

Ray: swear?

Joe: I swear

Joe: and I have backups, when I can’t do certain ones because everyone’s too in my face or the bathroom is hectic, it’s okay

Joe: just breathe and I’ll come get you

Ray: I’ll be okay if I sit til you’re here

Joe: find a patch of grass with no glass or dog shit if you can

Ray: 🧚🏼‍♀️✨

Joe: tall order round ‘ere, I know 😏

Joe: but you could lie and look at the sky, meant to make you feel better, cold dirt under you

Ray: deffo does

Ray: I’ll 👀 the ☁️☁️☁️ til I find one looking like [whatever childhood imaginary friend or fave toy Joe had whatever the vibe was there like I’ll say hi to your bestie lol remember them]

Joe: tah very much, been a while, gonna be right sulky

Ray: least I’ll be less sulky myself for 😢 if they’re 👿

Ray: sorted a decent excuse

Joe: I can handle your tantrums, if you wanna go back to that

Ray: pull your hair & put the boot in for old time’s sake

Joe: have at it, girl

Ray: k then

Joe: in a bit 👌

Ray: I’m counting

Joe: that excited to kick my head in?

Joe: sounds about right

Ray: can’t wait to work out if you can carry me further than all the 💪 scally lads & their bags full of cans

Joe: I’m well hard, you’re well scrawny, no probs

Ray: compliment yourself & diss us yeah? That’s what time it is

Joe: gotta get you in the fighting mood somehow

Ray: you wanna take us on that bad like

Joe: you scared now?

Ray: nah I’ll have you

Joe: 😆 more like it

Ray: aim to please & ☠️

Joe: don’t change

Joe: when you start getting older, don’t start only listening to top-40 and caring about getting off with chav lads in stolen cars

Ray: I’d turn the weapon on myself & be the one to ☠️ before I let any of that bullshit happen

Joe: I won’t mercy kill you just ‘cos you’ve gone 🧠💀 like everyone else

Ray: y not? if you pure 🖤 me you’d least try to save us from a fate worse than ☠️

Joe: wouldn’t pure love you if you were that much of a divvy

Joe: best stay as you are

Ray: on my life

Joe: good girl

Ray: don’t stop loving me

Ray: ever

Joe: never ever

Ray: good lad

Joe: cute

Ray: 👧🏼🌼🩰✨🍭

Joe: hey

Ray: 😏 jokes

Joe: nah, I just remembered something

Joe: you said you like my hair, do you want some too

Ray: yeah course I would

Joe: well you can have some then, I forgot to offer, be rude not to when you did

Ray: I’d have come @ you with the ✂️ anyway but it’s cute you offered

Joe: 😏

Joe: where are we gonna put it

Ray: I reckoned on putting it in my diary but then it’s stuck on a page

Ray: what if I want it without carrying the whole book about

Joe: what about something like… an old vaseline tin

Joe: or a tic-tac thing

Ray: you’re the sharpest person I know

Joe: thinking about it feels nice, my stomach isn’t in my throat

Ray: making you feel better makes me feel better 2

Joe: can’t suddenly have a locket from nowhere, even if we could lift it dead easy for you

Joe: maybe your birthday though

Ray: you’re properly gonna make me cry

Joe: [you better show up boy, not have this girl crying in the streets, just laying yourself down beside her once you’ve checked the area several times like hey]

Ray: [just lie on him like hey cos what are boundaries or personal space]

Joe: [cup her face like you been crying or nah ‘cos we need to know]

Ray: [blatantly has even if we’re annoyed about the fact because a child of mcvickers should never, doing a little sniff like you gotta after you cry]

Joe: [using your sleeve to wipe her nose like a gross child would do because you do not care but wipe her eyes with your fingers at least ‘you’re alright, baby Ray’ being something you probably got called affectionately mockingly as a smaller child]

Ray: [letting him do that even though we are mortified because it’s him and we only trust you to see us like this, playfully and affectionately punching you over this nickname like we’re actually gonna brawl here]

Joe: [catching your fist and twisting your arm, lazily and gently, purely so you fight back not because we aim to win here because reckon it’ll make you feel better]

Ray: [just staring at him with our massive eyes through the curtain of hair that’s probably fallen over her face cos it’s lowkey so long and naturally straight always unlike the rest of these kids with their curls and whirls]

Joe: [now you’re just staring at each other like that’s not a thing, moving said hair out of said eyes ‘what happened to aim to kill?’ quietly]

Ray: [‘can kill with kindness too’ burying her face into his chest like that’s a normal thing for siblings to do, obvs listening to his heart while we’re there but hiding for a sec or two first]

Joe: [‘sorry’ when you mean that you can’t make it stop on command for the bit but it just sounds like you’re embarrassed by how fast it probably is rn]

Ray: [dragging his head into position to be able to listen to yours because it’s fast too from your little meltdown thinking that Tess does not love you and all your other exploits and worries like it’s okay listen we’re the same]

Joe: [when that does make you smile, which you can feel from the muscles moving in his face on your body if you can’t see it]

Ray: [smiling ourselves at that whether it’s felt or seen and also getting strands of his hair and pulling them gently and wrapping them round our fingers as best we can like we’re testing which bit we wanna cut off]

Joe: [when you can wrap hers ‘round your whole arm basically like lol ‘gonna need a fucking shoebox for this’ like you’re taking it all]

Ray: [shaking her head so much so all the hair tickles him like excuse me I don’t wanna be bald ‘dead subtle’ like 1. You carrying a shoebox everywhere and 2. Me having no hair left, doing the little braid that she said she would & looking at him like 😏 that’s your lot boy]

Joe: [just loling and watching her braid her hair and putting our index finger up and gesturing at our own like you get one curl, that’s it]

Ray: [watch her do and redo this plait several times because it must be super neat for him to have and also we must do it more than once for those ocd traits anyway]

Joe: [doing a bigger one the other side for the pisstake because you clearly know how with those 2 little sisters you’d all have to muck in with]

Ray: [oh the not at all casual intimacy of doing someone else’s hair, it’s FINE, taking whatever hair band we have that we’re not already using here and putting it on his wrist like you should also have this forever nbd]

Joe: [bringing it SO close to our face ‘cos we’re inspecting it for all the hair that gets wrapped around them and making 0 attempt to remove said hairs]

Ray: [so slowly and deliberately pulling it so it twangs against his wrist because that’s a good little coping mechanism and you can’t tell me she wouldn’t have used it]

Joe: [we all know that one baby, the way we don’t even flinch is gonna let you know we do, making eye contact again and plucking a few hairs out of her head ‘cos not trying to come at you with our totally unhinged behaviour rn]

Ray: [at least you can take the opportunity to show him your tiny hair pulling bald spot gal because it’d be so easily hideable obvs like I imagine behind her ear or somewhere like that and so we don’t ever have to but we wanna]

Joe: [touching said spot to feel the spiky regrowth because we’re just curious as hell, tickling her ear when we pull our hand away]

Ray: [loling and swatting at him cos I’m soz but only actual psychopaths aren’t ticklish it’s so weird when peeps aren’t, showing him on said ear when we’ve recovered enough to all the places we wanna get pierced when we’re older, going all in thinking you’re gonna have millions the way you do when you’re 10 like ‘I wanna get piercings all along here’ moving and demonstrating ‘and here’]

Joe: [pinching all the spots as she does ‘you’ll look so sick’ because we know your type Joseph ‘boys that try that hard look like knobheads, I’ll get my ear done though, just let the others closeup after I’ve put the hole in’ very much the energy]

Ray: [‘how many you reckon we could get away with before mum & dad notice?’ flicking her hair like thanks for hiding a multitude of sins, doing a face like soz you don’t have that luxury rn Joseph which we genuinely mean & isn’t a pisstake, are not elaborating if we mean literally all tonight or over time]

Joe: [shrugging so dismissively of your parents like the limit does not exist, which is not true, they just wouldn’t lose their mind over it ‘long as you keep it above the shoulders’]

Ray: [‘school then?’ cos yeah your parents are little rebhogs hence we’re more curious than we are worried about getting in trouble and likewise with school cos you clearly go to a shit one so they’re unlikely to care at all in our mind, sticking our tongue out and telling him that the oldest and coolest girl we hang with whatever she’s called has hers pierced like okay I’ll do that next too as if he means we can’t get piercings unless they’re in our ears or face haha no nips or belly button]

Joe: [conversely, they get really pedantic ‘cos I remember it was PLAIN STUDS ONLY like why is this the hill we’re dying on, same with no coats indoors and the ridiculousness they waste their time with instead of education, rolling our eyes thinking of as much ‘no hoops, no plugs, nothing boss’ but shrugging like can do it anyway ‘cos we don’t care about your silly rules, 😏 ‘she fancy me too?’]

Ray: [‘a tiny stud would look boss’ poking our nostril like here cos twas the grunge vibe and as if the school will be totally fine with that compromise, but the face like THUNDER and Tess style DEATH STARE when he says that because the levels we don’t want him to get with this gal we see as a legit threat cos genuinely think she’s as cool & hot as anyone is around here even though I’m sure she probably has an older sketchy bf anyways soz not soz Joseph]

Joe: [‘Xtina’ ‘cos she originated that look very much, I remember, with her dreads and dirrty lewk, soz we’re loling at your grumping ‘come on, she don’t anyway’ and miming a breaking heart as if we’re devastated here]

Ray: [actually brawling him in the way we didn’t earlier, too hard to be called a playfight cos siblings do be popping off like that so can and will]

Joe: [we know we just let you as is our energy, until you wanna stop]

Ray: [at least you’ll stop pretty quick cos he was only taking the piss we’re not livid and obvs don’t have loads of energy to be using beating you up sir even if it is your kink, just flopping down and lying on him again like we’re back at the start]

Joe: [just telling her about this girl’s older boyf and his cool boy energy because clearly the vibe, picking up some of this stolen stash and filling your pockets and whatnot so she’s less laden down]

Ray: [give him his faves so he can eat them before Tommy and Ali do if he wants cos stole them for him not those greedy pigs and we’re buzzing this gal has a bf so]

Joe: [shake your head ‘cos you said you wouldn’t eat so she could and gesture like go ahead]

Ray: [shaking her head too cos don’t wanna even though we could]

Joe: [finding out her favourites like no? And putting them in her jeans or whatever you are wearing pocket like for later then]

Ray: [I’ll have to pick her an actual fave cos we know Fraze’s are lemon sherbets but for now get up even if you make no moves to actually start walking back home yet]

Joe: [get up too, dust yourself off and stand next to her, holding her leg to yourself to line them up so you can start walking on the same foot and keep in step]

Ray: [start your walk back lads you gotta get home eventually so mcvickers can leave]

Joe: [gotta get these children set up in front of the telly with their bribes to behave]

Ray: [you’re welcome they’re all close af at this age and none of them are really clingy to you like a baby Grace situation but hence I was like we should vibe what y’all get up to cos you’ll get chance even though baze are gonna do sod all to help clearly]

Joe: [they’d be quite good at entertaining themselves but you have to keep an eye so they’re not rugrats-ing their way out into trouble lol because Ali is a ringleader honey; they’ve been fed, no one cares about homework and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t bathe so it’s minimal what you have to do just the stress of the situation]

Ray: [just make sure they’re not being cheeky and getting into shit they shouldn’t, we see you Ali you tiny rebhog, you can probably cut your plait and his curl off cos that’ll only take a sec but you’ll have to wait it out til the sugar crash hits and you can put them to bed before you get to fully pop off]

Joe: [so what do you wanna vibe out miss]

Ray: [obvs we can do piercings like y’all said, is there anything else you wanna do from Joe’s coping mechanisms, cos we don’t wanna go too hard on day 1 blatantly but we’re also bonding here so]

Joe: [piercings is an easy way to do the self-harm without going in so that’s okay, we’re just doing all the holes, doing the locks and window checks and all that jazz, you’re clearly watching horror films and whatnot, awkwardly avoiding baze as per usual I’m sure, no eating]

Ray: [there’s no shortage of bad horror films to distract yourselves with no matter the era thankfully because we know damn well you’re not gonna be able to sleep ever, can snuggle though, perfectly normal sibling behaviour there yep]

Joe: [so normal, not at all gonna start getting weird real soon]

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herbertlangethings · 5 months

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[#AAA2023] Stray Kids (스트레이 키즈) 'INTRO Perf. + MANIAC + 죽어보자 + TOPLINE +...

love them, and saw them live too, since their debut year 2018, and this live stage performance here, is not only for me a masterpiece again, so have a look on our incredible guys...............

#asian #boys #K-pop #Stray Kids #Intro + div.#incredible #unbelievabel #masterpiece #great #wonderful #fantastic #perfect #cool #handsome #nice #powerful #strong

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tenmaudaisbitch · 4 years

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[HQ!!] Little Giant BOYFRIEND Headcanons~! (SFW)

Post time-skip. Ever wondered what it’d be like to date one of the LGs? No? Here you are anyway! _ft. Udai Tenma, Nakashima Takeru, Washijō Tanji, _Hinata Shōyō, Hoshiumi Kōrai!

Udai Tenma

Getting together with Tenma happens slowly because he doesn’t realize he’s even in-love with you. He doesn’t want to be “that guy” who assumes things and just thinks you’re being really nice to him and is content with your company.

BUT, as soon as he realizes these feelings are beyond friendship, he confesses basically the same day because patience is NOT a virtue or a practice he really believes in. He sees it, he wants it, he goes for it. When you say yes, he basically cheers. He’s a dork.

When Tenma’s working (and he’s a very busy man), he doesn’t respond to his phone much but to make up for it he sends you goofy selfies on his food breaks. Try not to send anything back too often because he blushes and can’t concentrate.

Tenma’s not a bragger and doesn’t talk in-depth about his personal life much, but he mentions you a lot in everyday conversation so gets embarrassed when he has to finally introduce you. Please don’t tease him! His friends are pretty chill and treat you like they’ve known you forever because of it, so it’s actually a pretty nice dynamic and they invite you to go out with them often even when Tenma can’t join.

He’s always very interested in your interests, hyping you up and encouraging you. He doesn’t care if it’s just a casual hobby or a potential business venture, he’s just really impressed by everything you do and if you give him something he puts it by his trophies.

Tenma likes making you cards even if there’s no holiday. As an artist and writer, he likes drawing your face or favorite things and is more comfortable talking about his love for you on paper. If you open up his manga in the stores, you’ll notice he’s mentioned you in the forewords. “My lover and I went to a fireworks festival and had a lot of fun. It inspired page 35 where…”

Nakashima Takeru

Getting together with Takeru is more-or-less an accident. He’s an overworked guy in V. LEAGUE Div. 3 with a day job and family responsibilities. He meant to confess to you months ago but it just kind of didn’t happen

SO, one day when you’re over and he’s wrangling his siblings, he refers to you as his significant other in his frustration and nobody bats an eye except you. “Takeru… what was with the partner stuff?” “Oh. Oh crap! Sorry!”

Takeru is very meticulous when it comes to you. Communication King, there’s no part of your schedule he hasn’t memorized and although there’s nothing romantic about being penciled in, he puts forth the effort to make every second together worthwhile. There’s not a single reservation the two of you have never met. He prefers quiet places where he can just look in your eyes and listen to you talk.

When Takeru’s working his phone is completely off. But don’t worry, his fancy watch will tell him when to turn it on so he can meet your scheduled video calls. It’s the highlight of his day to see your face again and he doesn’t care how goofy he looks with that grin plastered wide on his face.

The Nakashimas are basically your second family. They’re pretty nosy about your relationship and most of them follow your social media. Expect care packages in the mail and complaints if you don’t call enough. Sometimes it gets overwhelming but there’s no love quite like the Nakashimas when you come over and they rush to embrace and feed you.

Takeru is a bit oblivious sometimes when it comes to your interests if they’re not on your personal calendar. But when you tell him all the things you’re up to, he takes the information as very vital and researches it so you can have a proper discussion next time. It’s a bit intimidating, but very hilarious if the interest is something very nerdy and specific like ‘rock formations in the Himalayas’ or ‘K-pop fandom demographics and class.’ It’s very easy to tease him by making something up just to see him take it seriously.* He’s a fan of cuddling – he doesn’t care if you’re in public or not, he loves his arms around you and the security it provides him. Takeru will bury his head into you and just inhale. He can go for hours if you’ll let him.

Washijō Tanji

Let’s pretend this man is single… Getting together with Tanji is a very standard, romantic affair. He didn’t upload pictures on his dating profile (he didn’t know how) but his ‘resume’ was very appealing. He likes to watch sunsets, read, and try out expensive restaurants and overall just sounded like an athletic guy who takes his coaching job very seriously. A self-made, albeit serious man.* When you first meet him, you’re a bit intimidated by his scowl and wrinkles but you find out immediately he has a subtle sense of humor and isn’t off-put by your very different lifestyle. If anything, it seems he prefers the change and after the 5th date, he asked you to be exclusive. It’s in the 6th date as an official couple that you find he’s a lot more outspoken than he lets on and he smiles a lot more.

Tanji takes holidays very seriously and always discusses with you (sometimes months in advance) what the two of you should do. He makes reservations you wouldn’t be able to get otherwise because of his connections and pre-planning. Going on the rare date with him is always a glamorous, expensive affair. Your photo album and social media are absolutely wild with the amount of beautiful, professional photos you two have. Otherwise, he enjoys just staying home with you and idea of a date is food prep for the week.

He sends you short messages like “where r u” and “k” so don’t expect much. He expects to see you so doesn’t understand the need to call or message often. But if you send him selfies he always saves them to his camera roll (and then forgets they’re there).

Tanji brings you around work often and all the kids initially fear you by proximity. But give them some time, they all come to see you’re not as scary as Coach and even learn to adore you. He doesn’t act that differently when you’re around but at the very least they can hide behind you. If he can bring you on outings, he will always try to, which the athletes appreciate.

Tanji is more a listener than a talker, which only gets frustrating if you don’t have anything left to say. But ask him any questions you have and he always has an answer. You find out rather quickly that he has quite a history and he’s probably the most fascinating person you know. “What do you mean you’ve been to jail?” “Wait, you met the president?” “You were in a band?”

His affection is in all the subtle things he does to improve your lives together. He’s very considerate and enjoys doing chores for you (even when it’s your turn) or anything as simple as making you breakfast in bed when you had a long night. At first you were a bit wary that he seemed to not care about things like hugging you or saying “I love you,” but realized over time he’s a very affectionate person when your daily life became mysteriously easy.

Hinata Shōyō

Getting together with Shōyō is an adventure to say the least. He’s a hot commodity on a surface level, he has many friends and he’s beautiful and fit and really passionate. You don’t even think he's romantically interested in you until one day when he just tells you he loves your laugh and wants to hear more of it. OH. OKAY? But he shuts down any potential serious relationship, promising that when he’s accomplished his initial goal and you’re still single, he’d like to try. Ugh.

True to his word, Shōyō asks you out like it’s a proposal, taking you out for a romantic dinner almost the day after he’s signed on to MSBY. You complain that you could’ve been taken by then, but Shōyō just smiles and tells you he’s very lucky.

He’s a bit scattered when it comes to making plans with you, so appreciates when you do it for him. Shōyō always brings flowers no matter if it’s a café or amusement park, he just wants to make it obvious why he’s there with you and nothing scares off any potential threats to his date like a man carrying a bouquet. He especially loves water parks and silly events like illusion-based museums.

Shōyō is an awful texter when it comes to staying on topic, but he makes you laugh often, sending you messages and memes and links across every social media platform any time he’s free from practice. He doesn’t remember which conversation he was in, but wow isn’t this funny! Do this quiz with him! What did you get? Oh, sorry, did he not respond to your email? And now he’s liking everything on your Instagram. Shōyō…

You basically adopt Natsu as your little sister and it drives Shōyō up a wall because she always tells you embarrassing stories about him and is far brighter than he takes her for. Sometimes you come over for some home cooking and Shōyō pouts over it. “I’m your boyfriend, you should be coming over to see me!” Some of his friends don’t even know you exist because he doesn’t talk about anything but volleyball, but they find out pretty quickly from his erratic social media posting and obvious bias to your personal posts.

Shōyō has a hard time related to anything besides sports, but makes an effort to shut up and listen to you every now and then (he’s had to practice). He’s far more distracted by how adorable you look talking about your passions than your passions themselves. If you happy to be really into volleyball, prepare to talk about nothing but.* When the two of you are alone, Shōyō loves dancing with you, tickling you, and just physically touching you in any way he can. If you tell him to stop he’ll whine about it, though.

Hoshiumi Kōrai

Getting together with Kōrai happens dramatically and suddenly. You meet by chance and he’s immediately taken to you because you don’t know who he is but still treat him, a stranger, so kindly and seriously. It’s a little overwhelming but he’s such an honest, earnest guy that you can’t help but find him endearing.

After he tells you everything about him (in detail) Kōrai invites you to come watch him play. When you do, he’s so happy and finds you after the game and asks you out right then and there before the embarrassment of what he’s done settles in.

Kōrai sometimes forgets that planning outings is a 2-person venture so has to be told to step back and consider your own schedule sometimes, but he takes it in stride. He’s just excited to spend time with you and as long that happens, doesn’t care about when or where or who plans it. Take him to carnivals and festivals because he’s an expert in precision with rigged machines and loves winning you things.

He doesn’t care much for social media, but sends you very long, ranting text messages about all his thoughts like it’s a diary. It was a little scary at first to receive paragraphs from your boyfriend but now you find it cute that he wants to tell you everything about his entire day. You and Kōrai have lots of late-night and early-morning calls, regardless of if you’re talking or not. He just wants to hear your voice or know you’re there.

Kōrai invites you to meet his family often despite always complaining about it. His parents ask you lots of casual questions and like knowing what you’re up to, although his siblings are far more interested in the more intimate side of their baby brother. Kōrai doesn’t like it, not at all. He’s very protective and it’s fun to see him get riled up over you, even though it’s obvious they’re doing it on purpose. He trusts his friends with you completely, sometimes leaving you with them at outings even when he forgot to even introduce you.

Kōrai doesn’t mean to talk over you but gets very wrapped up in his own head sometimes. If you tell him he’s been doing it, he gets embarrassed and is very attentive to you. He remembers a shocking amount of your conversations and always has follow-up questions. Kōrai is at his happiest when you ask him about volleyball, though.

He has a hard time initiating physical affection, but is always happy to reciprocate and mostly just tells you how much he likes you whenever it comes to mind.

#hq headcanons #udai tenma #haikyuu!!#little giants #haikyuu spoilers #haikyū!!#hq little giants #my headcanons #hoshiumi kourai #washijou tanji #hinata shouyou #nakashima takeru #my first post is sfw how tragic

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shanethvarosa · 3 years

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Music Review: 2020

My blog has been a lot of things over the years, but it did originate as something I used to publicly review music; especially in the Visual Kei scene. Since I began the blog so many years ago, I had actually been hired to review Visual Kei and J-Rock music for an actual website: VKH-Press.com, work I am very, very proud of to this day. However, with not much news to comment on or work to critique, I haven’t been as active. Plus, personal issues always seem to stand in my way. However, I always take the time to discuss my passions at the end of the year. There were so many incredible releases, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, and so I wanted to take the time time to discuss my favorite releases and, maybe, the not-so-favorites as well. Quick shout out to Bastille’s Goosebumps EP and Megan Thee Stallion’s Good News LP as I did not get to listen to them before I wrote up my lists, but were still excellent releases. See my thoughts below!

Overall, there were about 75 albums or groupings of albums I listened to this year and split them between various tiers. Starting with the bad tier, there were actually only ten albums listed here and mostly just because they were seemingly unnecessary collection albums. For example, another Satsuki collection? Rides in ReVellion releasing two greatest hits LPs after only five years of work? Beyonce releasing The Lion King: The Gift again? None of those felt like necessary releases. There weren’t many albums that really screamed bad to me this year, but I really could not stand Vanessa Carlton’s “Love is an Art” or Justin Bieber’s “Changes.” The only other albums on this tier were just underwhelming compared to what I know the artist is capable of, but the “best bad tier album,” in my view, was The 1975′s “Notes on a Conditional Form.”

The mid-tier albums had all sorts of reasons for being only mid-tier. They weren’t quite bad or outright unnecessary, but are mostly by artists who put out work that was nowhere near the caliber of their usual work or were re-releases or other collection albums. For example, Tove Lo’s “Sunshine Kitty: Pawprint Edition” or Man With A Mission’s remixes/b-sides/covers albums. Nice to have with good quality music, but I wish we’d just have had brand new EPs or LPs.

The good-tier albums were all really excellent releases, but didn’t hit home the way anything on the “God-Tier” list did. Here, I’d like to share a quick top ten:

10. Taeyeon’s “Purpose: Repackage” & Japanese EP, “#GirlsSpkOut” 9. Charli XCX’s “How I’m Feeling Now” 8. Miyavi’s “Holy Nights” & “Holy Nights: 2020 Lockdown” 7. TK’s “Sainou” 6. PVRIS’s “Use Me” 5. Buck-Tick’s “Abracadabra” 4. Katy Perry’s “Smile” 3. Alicia Keys’ “Alicia” 2. Dua Lipa’s “Future Nostalgia” & “Club Future Nostalgia” 1. Ava Max’s “Heaven & Hell

Without furhter ado, though, the God Tier Top 25:

25. Acme’s We Are Visual Kei: Essentially a collection album of several songs that were b-sides that never made a full-blown album. This LP was loaded with some of Acme’s best work and shows that they are going to be here for a long time, despite Div not quite working out. Recommended tracks: Mononoke Requiem, Gekiyama Celluloid, Houkago no Shiiku

24. Alanis Morisette’s Such Pretty Forks in the Road: Admittedly, a huge fan in the 90′s and loved her cover of Seal’s Crazy. However, before this album I didn’t really listen to much of her body of work and I can see why today’s youth might not listen to this album. It is very “adult” insofar as it deals with her struggles in marriage, parenting, religion, etc. Her vocal performance is exceptional and her song writing remains some of the best in the business. Recommended tracks: Smiling, Nemesis, Reasons I Drink.

23. Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather: Not my usual cup of tea, but for some reason Niall’s music makes me feel softer than normal. He’s very cute and charming and his words are always so romantic. It feels more genuine than the music made by other members of One Direction and kind-of reminds me of earlier Taylor Swift writing, but from a male perspective. Recommended Tracks: Put A Little Love On Me, Arms of a Stranger, Still.

22. K/DA’s All Out: I don’t even really understand what this is, but I love it. There’s something to do with League of Legends? Cartoons? International pop stars? Whatever it is, I’m totally obsessed. These songs just completely slap. Recommended Tracks: The Baddest, More, Drum Go Dum.

21. Darrell’s Brilliant Death: This might even “officially” be a single, but there’s enough content to market it as an album. Darrell is a band formed from the ashes of Deathgaze and Ai’s solo project. Who knows why Ai didn’t just continue after his solo album, Confusion, but he decided to go back to the band-format with confusingly-named Darrell. This album is then, incidentally, mostly Deathgaze covers. It brings the production into the new era and gives you a lot of nostalgic love for old hits. Recommended Tracks: Brilliant Death, Evoke the World, Abyss.

20. Alice Nine’s Fuyajou Eden & Kuro to Wonderland: Neither album was particularly long, in fact these were glorified EPs that could’ve been merged to one two-sided LP, but in either case... Both albums had something really special to offer and felt like a true comeback after years of name changes and finally going back to their original, kanji-styled name. Recommended Tracks: Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-, Testament, Replica, Glow.

19. Mucc’s Aku: This album felt very long in the making after a series of weird singles that didn’t feel like they were going anywhere. Ultimately, a lot of those singles did not make the album including my favorite one: Taboo. The resulting album, though, did feel very cohesive and thematic and even featured one of this year’s heavy hitters: Hazuki. Recommended Tracks: Aku -Justice-, Memai, Ameria.

18. Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts: This person is absolutely one of my favorite people in music. I’m pretty sure they have comeout as genderfluid/non-binary, so I want to stick with safe pronouns, just in case. However, they’ve always been a favorite and as they’ve come out as such a champion for the LGBT, I love them even more. The album though gave me a lot of hype for something very 80′s rock, but didn’t quite give me what I expected. All in all, the music was fantastic, just a little off-beat from expectations. Recommended Tracks: Gimme What I Want, Angels Like You, WTF Do I Know.

17. Rina Sawayama’s Sawayama: I didn’t expect to fall in love with this girl the way I did. My boyfriend recommended “STFU” to me as kind of a joke because the song discusses a lot of Asian racism that I’m always criticizing people in my life for falling into, but then the song was so bad ass I checked out the album. There were so many different types of music on it and she really did a good job with all of them. Then, with the deluxe edition coming out and the hardcore club banger “Lucid” being involved... Just really brought it all home. Recommended Tracks: Tokyo Love Hotel, Lucid, Fuck This World.

16. Amber Liu’s X: This was just an EP, but every song on it was great. Amber Liu was from f(x), a K-Pop Icon Group, but she always seemed like the odd one out. She was such a tomboy, so silly and funny all the time, and didn’t really behave like other Korean idols. I mean, really, she isn’t actually even Korean. I believe she’s Chinese American. In either case, the EP really noted some of her own personal strugles in the business and also remaining pretty fun at parts too. I saw her live in Philly before COVID-19 and she was truly excellent. Recommended Tracks: Numb, Stay Calm, Other People.

15. Blackpink’s The Album: Not much of an album at only 8 tracks, but that’s K-Pop for you. I bet next year I’ll be putting “Blackpink’s The Album: Repackage” on my top 25 list. The quality of the music was pretty dope though, all things considered. It was a very solid debut effort with all of their previous songs being somewhere in the same lane as this one. I still kind of believe they are a reminder of what 2NE1 could have been, but they’re doing well enough on their own. Recommended Tracks: Ice Cream, Lovesick Girls, Pretty Savage.

14. Hazuki’s Year Over All: Kind of a weird way to word it, but Hazuki basically released two albums this year in different formats. His work with his band, Lynch., was pretty magnificent. I’m not one to usually dwell on a Lynch. album. Their singles or featured tracks are what I usually get into, but the actual album (Ultima) really did a good job of showing how versatile Hazuki can be. His solo album, Souen -Funeral-, was an entirely stripped down, gothic orchestral album of Lynch. covers and other J-Hard Rock artists. Hearing it done like this was almost transcendental. Recommended Tracks: Xero, Idol, Ray, D.A.R.K.

13. Sam Smith’s Love Goes: They had me scared that their album wasn’t coming this year once they pushed it back, back in May. Then again, at the time, an album called “To Die For” was probably super tone deaf. In any case, literally every single released for this album had me in love. So, when they all got included in the final version, I was thrilled. Sam gave us a bonus song after the album as well, but I can see why that one didn’t get on. In any case, this is a huge step up from “The Thrill of it All,” which I didn’t really care for. Recommended Tracks: Another One, Dance (’Til You Love Someone Else), Forgive Myself.

12. Troye Sivan’s In A Dream: I love this kid. He’s so gay and so not shy about it and it really makes me smile. The EP comes after his last LP, Bloom, where the title track basically talks about bottoming for the first time and this new EP deals with a few other queer issues over weirdly produced beats that just... make sense. Recommended tracks: Stud, In A Dream, Easy.

11. Matenrou Opera’s Chronos: Unfortunately, this band just lost their guitarist again. Their original, Anzi, was basically the most consummate guitarist in the visual kei scene that wasn’t Hizaki and he left them. Their sound wasn’t quite right since and they seemed to just get it back with Chronos when Jay left them. I guess we’ll see what they do next, but I think Chronos could be their last great release. Recommended Tracks: Chronos, Silence, Reminiscence.

10. BoA’s Better: A very recent release that hasn’t had much time for me to digest. This is strange for me to put it so high on my list for that reason, but BoA is one of my all time favorites. She never disappoints me. This album was no different. It wasn’t exactly up to par with “Woman” or “Watashi Kono Mama de Ii no Kana,” but it definitely gave us some new and very iconic Queen BoA bangers. Recommended Tracks: Cut Me Off, Start Over, Temptations.

9. Kesha’s High Road: A semi-step down from Rainbow, only because a lot of the same melodic elements and, sometimes, even beats were used on this album too. However, her vocal performance was outstanding and she even gave us a new dirty-pop song with some interesting indie-pop tracks to go with it. Plus, who doesn’t love a Big Freedia feature? Recommended Tracks: Resentment, Raising Hell, Tonight.

8. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica: Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really love Gaga anymore. After all the drama with Madonna and her experimentation with “Joanne” I didn’t think I’d ever like her music again. However, she definitely won back big points for me on Chromatica. It was finally fun, weird, dancey, and then simultaneously emotional and I was really able to get back into it. She’s always had the voice, but on this one it also showed us that she still has what made us love her. Recommended Tracks: Rain On Me, Plastic Doll, Enigma.

7. Koda Kumi’s My Name Is... Angel + Monster: She is, very likely, my Japanese Pop Queen. She always makes these absolutely outlandish bangers of dance tracks that have such a great attitude and beat and when she released re(CORD)... last year? 2018? Who can remember... I thought she could never outdo herself. Then she released “Lucky Star” and I was floored. I was a bit disappointed when they were only to promote a “My Name Is...” collection album, but then, to my surprise, a full set of new tracks came out just after that just blew me entirely away. Guess the last 6 albums must be pretty great, huh? Recommended tracks: Killer Monster, Work It!, Alarm.

6. Grimes’ Miss Anthropocene: I’ve never been a big fan of Grimes, but when Violence came out I was really looking forward to whatever album this was going to end up promoting. The song is actual fire, but then the LP ended up being some kind of experimental Gothic Pop with Asian Pop influences I never expected. I doubt I’ll ever find something she does this good ever again, but it was really a musical light in the darkness of this year. Recommended tracks: Darkseid, Delete Forever, Violence.

5. Kylie Minogue’s Disco: Admittedly, my draw to Kylie has always been that she is like some kind of Australian Madonna. Madonna being one of my all time favorite artists... In fact, number 2 for all women I listen to, Kylie has some big shoes to fill with her sometimes generic pop that she puts out. However, I haven’t really truly loved a Kylie song since “Get Outta My Way” and then this album comes out filled with tracks to love for the rest of time. Recommended Tracks: Miss A Thing, Till You Love Somebody, Magic.

4. Chanmina’s Notebook/Angel: I don’t have really any way of knowing how popular Chanmina is in Japan or if she is as popular in the Japanese Queer Scene as she should be, but god damn does she know what she’s doing. Her music is raunchy, bitchy, and condescending at it’s highest and deeply personal at it’s most mellow. There is no “lowest.” “Notebook” was a two-sided album and “Angel” a strong follow up EP, but all the recommended tracks are from “Notebook.” If you have not listened to “Picky”.... go do it now, I’ll wait. Recommended tracks: Picky, Baby, Lucy.

3. The Weeknd’s After Hours: Incidentally, I got into The Weeknd after someone said something shitty about him here on Tumblr! I took their likely-valid criticism and went to check him out for myself and I gotta say, I love his work. The beats are literally always on point and his voice is like silk. This album provided more than a few iconic songs and I always can’t wait to see what he does next. Recommended Tracks: Alone Again, Heartless, Blinding Lights.

2. Halsey’s Manic: The singles and features she did between Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and Manic gave me such insanely high hopes and I was not disappointed. HFK was a strong album of course, but this was near perfection for me. I think the production of this alt-pop album was the star of the show because it wasn’t all one way, there were heavy-bass songs, interesting piano riffs, striaght up punk rock, all of it. She really made an album quite like it’s namesake. Recommended Tracks: Ashley, Killing Boys, Still Learning.

1. Dexcore’s Metempsychosis: A newcomer to the visual kei and death metal scene, they’ve been putting out single after single for years in preparation for their extemeley long and multidaceted debut album. With a total of about 33 songs, the entire second disc was rerecorded singles from their early days and some even got new lyrical treatment. The main series of songs were, of course, also totally flooring and all of the recommended tracks are the new ones. If you haven’t checked them out by now, you have to! Recommended tracks: Cibus, Scribble, Period.

#personal #music #2020 #visual kei #k-pop #dexcore #halsey #the weeknd #chanmina #kylie minogue #grimes #koda kumi #lady gaga #kesha #BoA

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