#just stopped editing and using the site for a bit and then it extended to now idk if i'll really comeback haha
Note
Yeah there's a post going around with a GitHub 'dashboard unf*cker'. In the meantime, a lot of us are just really frustrated with staff's layout changes. Most of it is pretty recent.
On another note: hi! Long time no see :)
dashboard unfucker 😭 truly can't believe how much it looks like twt now and it's the actual worst thing to exist
#also hello again too :]#just stopped editing and using the site for a bit and then it extended to now idk if i'll really comeback haha#anon#ask
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Okay, I need to talk about this. A blacklist system in the form that people are requesting it is not simple. At all.
First off the blacklist system for just site images would only realistically extend to just to items in your hoard (or lairs for dragon images) or in the database. What about the items showing in coli/bios/forums/tab info? As far as I'm aware those don't pull info from personal player settings, just their main database. There would need to be a system that checks all of those for your supposed blacklisted items. There is no 'it just blurs the image' here. There's a 'we would need to make an entire extra triple layer cake of code to check everything' or 'the basic blacklist blurring exists but only on these three areas and is visible everywhere else.'
And suppose they do all that, every bit of it and all that effort. It still won't matter. Forums, clan pages, dragon bios, all these allow for custom images. I could save a photo of my dragon that falls under someone's blacklist, slap that into imgur, and put it in the bio. Maybe I wanted to photoshop my hatchling into a silly hat? Dragon picture in bio. Artwork depicting a seemingly 'safe' dragon not on someone's blacklist with a feature that upsets them? Well it wasn't blurred so clicking it should have been okay. Saving someone's avatar dragon image to use as forum decoration? Not linked to any actual player icon and therefore exists outside of any blanket blacklist. Someone just buys a dragon off the auction house and finds it has a hatchery banner in the bio with an image they don't like? At least the code doesn't show image previews, but you're still going to wind up seeing the image.
The only way around the above issue is heavier moderation on what people can post and do with their custom spaces, which goes against the primary argument of a blacklist only affecting the person who sets it. Even then I can see such toxic hostility sprouting up when someone does something as simple as showing off a silly dragon edit because 'well some people would have that dragon blocked!' It already happens, even in spaces where it is perfectly clear spoilers aren't required.
I understand not wanting to see things. I understand things making you uncomfortable. But please stop saying this is 'simple accessibility' because it isn't. This is so heavily multi-layered from not only a basic gameplay stance but from a social gameplay stance.
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How not to ring in pride by plugging a Matt Walsh film, courtesy of Ars Technica
(I'm posting this today because I wanted to give them the weekend to respond to it, and it's now nearly 1:00 PM EDT and there's still no official response or even message that the article has been edited, s here we are)
So I don't know how many of my friend on here read science and tech news, but for several years my favorite source for these subjects was Ars Technica, which seemed (emphasis on the past tense here) to have a higher level of journalistic quality than most of the free sci/tech news sites out there. They've even earned a reputation for being moderately progressive, with articles covering the reality of climate change and the effectiveness of vaccines.
This weekend, we learned that this veneer of progressiveness has a sharp and painful limit: LGBTQ+ issues.
Last week, Twitter's safety chief resigned after Elon Musk ordered her to surface an anti-trans propaganda piece, What Is A Woman, by Matt Walsh, a prominent anti-LGBTQ+ hate figure and major popularizer of the current push to label all LGBTQ+ people as sexual predators and groomers.
This could have been an easy slam dunk for Ars. Cover the departure, cover even the tiniest bit of backstory into Matt Walsh and why he's such a shitty guy, and then wait for the ad dollars from your progressive-leaning audience to roll in.
Instead, we got this (Wayback link here):
That was it. That was the whole article.
No mention of Matt Walsh proudly talking on Twitter about how he helped spread the "all queers are groomers" rhetoric that's spreading strong throughout much of the US (and it's only a matter of time before that breaches containment). No mention of how Chloe Cole holds rallies to try to make try to make puberty blockers and hormone treatment (which collectively have a regret rate that hovers around 1%) illegal for anyone to access until they're 18 and puberty has already permanently changed their body.
Ars' failure doesn't stop here, though I wish it did. Let's check the comment count:
Now for people who don't read Ars, that number might not mean much. Here it is in context:
Eight times as many comments as half the stories around it. Three times as many comments as an article about EA and gaming NFTs, topics that are guaranteed to create discussion. The only story that even comes close is a multi-page article about Starliner, a topic which consistently creates strong engagement on a site that cares enough about space to have its own purely-rocket themed sub-periodical.
Remember above when I said that Ars got a reputation as a semi-progressive site because they supported vaccines and the reality of climate change? That extended to the comments section, where their moderators would remove comments that called climate change fake or vaccines a scam. Let's see what kind of comments they're leaving up on this article:
Interesting how some topics are tightly moderated, and others, when they concern human rights, are left to the Ars community (which thankfully downvoted these posts into oblivion).
Save your downvote fingers, though, because these comments are locked to hell and back. No upvotes, no downvotes, no further comments. Just this:
"Culture war topics." "It should go without saying that the intent was not to spread hate." "This story was really about Ella Irwin's resignation... [and] Twitter is becoming less safe for some people seemingly by the hour."
I wonder if Ken Fisher, the founder and editor-in-chief, has any experience with running a site that's becoming less safe for "some people" by the hour? Given how they handled this this weekend, the first weekend of Pride month, I'd say he does.
Catch that part where he said the story is being updated? Here's a Wayback link to the updated version: linkle. Unfortunately it's now long enough to be a multi-page article, which means that putting it into the Wayback machine is a hassle, and it's so much longer that I'm not going to link it in here, but I suggest giving it a read.
Notice anything missing? Anything like... any kind of notice that the article was updated? A timestamp for updates? Nope, gonna just drop a modified version and pretend that this was the only version that ever existed. Thanks for the great article and amazing updates, Jon Brodkin.
...
...
Wait a second. So Jon Brodkin wrote an article that uncritically parroted talking points from an anti-trans propaganda piece made by an openly transphobic Christian nationalist. Is this an honest mistake, or is Jon in on the bit? Let's check who he follows on Twitter (sourced from https://twitter.com/jbrodkin/following).
...and of course:
He follows some green people too, but it's just politicians and fiction writers. No pro-trans publications or pro-trans nonfiction writers. At this point, the lazy response from the journalism team at Ars Technica is pretty clear. Rather than this being a case of uninformed allies making a mistake and trying to cover it up rather than own it, it seems a lot more likely that they have an actual transphobic employee, who intentionally published an actual transphobic article, and the leadership team cares more about protecting his professional reputation than they do about not spreading hate.
Happy fucking Pride.
#ars technica#transphobia#matt walsh#jon brodkin#pride#happy fucking pride i guess#bad journalism#trans rights are human rights
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Lord of the Lost - The electric plug of the iron maiden
So yesterday I stumbled across this interview with Chris in the new Sonic Seducer magazine. It was pretty short and didn't exactly give us the most specactular news, but as always, Chris had some nice things to say (such as about the bass track on 'The Curtain Falls', speaking up politically or participating at ESC again (ARD, I'm staring at you very intensely, you know what to do!)). And since I was on a short train ride anyway, I used the time to type down some translation for you all. Enjoy!
Lord of the Lost
The electric plug of the iron maiden*
(* the article purposefully doesn't use the band name 'Iron Maiden' here, but the literal German translation 'Eiserne Jungfrau', probably because the journalist thinks they're funny)
Christoph Kutzer
The very moment that the ESC-hype has cooled down, Lord of the Lost are back to continuous operation on various stages. Whether it's at the Agra hall of the WGT or in the Nokia Arena of Finnish Tampere: Energetic live shows are guaranteed. Then there are also the new songs on the extended edition of 'Blood and Glitter'. Chris Harms talked to us about the most recent events, the bass of Iron Maiden's subwoofer Steve Harris and about how Michael Jackson's guitarist found her way to a LOTL record.
Question: Right now, you are constantly alternating between playing club shows, festivals and support shows for Iron Maiden. Isn't that quite a challenge?
Chris: For us as a band it doesn't really matter where we're playing. It's very common to play at different festivals for a varying amount of stage time, on smaller and bigger stages. So we're used to that for a while now. Actually, all the logistics have become easier for us, since we now have an own crew member for every position and every thing that needs to be done. We [as a band] do not have to set up the stage nor do we need to take it down. Sometimes, the moment that the concert begins is the first time that I enter the stage, which I haven't even seen all day long. This way, we as a band get the chance to fully concentrate on doing what we're actually there for: making music. Plus, it offers many well-payed jobs for all the lovely people of our crew. For them of course, this modular setup is a challenge, with all the planning that needs to be done and the stage itself as a construction site, when you play a Maiden show one day, a club show the other, and then on the third day some open air concert.
Question: You are now touring with Iron Maiden for the second time. Have you noticed any differences in the audience?
Chris: That's hard to tell at this point, because as of now we only had one proper Maiden show this year, which took place in Tampere, Finland. We did know the Finnish audience since 2010, but only from festivals or performing as headliners, so it was definitely a different experience. But we'll continue our journey with Maiden in the next days. Just today, we have arrived in England, right now I'm enjoying the evening sun on some English highway rest stop, roughly hundred kilometres north of London.
Question: Did something change for you concerning the requirements? Did your show get bigger? The venues do have impressive sizes …
Chris: Well, the internal setup of Maiden's stage is the same as last year, it might just look different to the outside. This is why we could keep the foundation of our 2022 setup, while implementing some reasonable expansions. To make this tour, we had to ramp up quite a bit, because we practically have to offer a complete production where every single plug is our own. Maiden just gives us one big power plug, and they attach us to their light and sound system, but the rest is ours. Iron Maiden have a great, kind and helpful crew, we made some beautiful friendships there, and it's always an amazing teamwork.
Question: For the shows, you have brought a new opener, 'The Curtain Falls'. I was impressed by everything Klaas is playing there. Is that some hidden reference to Steve Harris?
Chris: Well, it actually is to some degree. After the Maiden tour of last year, I bought myself Steve Harris's signature model of the Fender P-Bass, kind of as a memory to this alleged once-in-a-lifetime experience. So this led to me writing one song on this exact bass, imagining the kind of song that I would like to open the summer shows with. I wanted to write something that, in my eyes, would be the perfect opener. That's how 'The Curtain Falls' came to be. And since all these bass lines from the demo in which I played every instrument on my own have shaped the song so much, we actually kept my original bass track for the final version of the song. Klaas said: 'Let's keep your track, it has so much spontaneity and soul, you cannot reproduce that for the album version. But I'm looking forward to playing that live.'
Question: Were 'The Curtain Falls' and 'noituLOVEr' only produced after the original record was completed? Since both songs are just on the newest edition.
Chris: Exactly, both songs were written when 'Blood & Glitter' had already been in press. All the other new songs were actually recorded together with the rest of the album in Finland, March 2022, but we wanted to keep them for the extended version. It would have been too many duets for the main record.
Question: One of those features has the guitarist Jennifer Batten, who has become quite a legend with her collaboration with Michael Jackson.
Chris: A friend of mine is playing the bass in Jennifer's solo band. He told me that she really enjoyed LOTL when he showed her some tracks that one time. So I gathered all my courage and asked him to ask her for a guest solo. She said 'yes' immediately. The little boy in me who had watched this legendary 'Live in Bukarest' concert of Michael Jackson on tv back then in the 90s, and who totally lost it seeing Jennifer Batten play, was very very happy once we found out that Jennifer would actually be part of a LOTL track.
Question: Since we're already at special moments: How did you experience your performance this year at WGT? Was that a little bit like coming home?
Chris: In a way, WGT is always like coming home. But this year I could finally put this really big checkmark behind another dream: For one time, being the headliner at WGT at the Agra hall.
Question: But apart from scene borders, you actually have one of the most colourful audiences you could imagine in front of a stage. Is the typical Lord of the Lost fan willing to face all these new surprises? Like the glitter currently, which might not have been that expected?
Chris: Hm. I think the glitter was actually not that surprising at all. It has always been a part of us. Maybe not to this extent or this concentrated. Also, luckily there is no typical Lord of the Lost fan. All of them are so unbelievably diverse, and I think that's fantastic!
Question: In November, you will play at Gothic Meets Klassik again. Then there is the LORDFEST in December. I would imagine both events to be very preparation-heavy. Where do you get all that time from?
Chris: Well, the Gothic Meets Klassik event has been prepared for years. We were supposed to play there in 2020 or 2021, I cannot properly recall, but then it had to be postponed. So all the notes have already been written. For everything else, we do have three rehearsal days in Leipzig, right before the show. That's it. Which means that the hardest part of the preparation for me right now is to actually buy a nice suit. For the LORDFEST, most of the preparation is done by our crew and the local production, so it's all in the hands of other people who'll get the instruction from us to arrange everything as we want it to be, and within a certain given budget. The only thing we need to do is come up with a setlist, get in touch with some surprise guests, then rehearse for two or three days, and then we can already get on stage.
Question: I feel like over the years you have taken a more and more political stance. Was that just not this visible before when you hadn't yet been this much in the spotlight or was there a growing need not to leave certain things uncommented?
Chris: I have always been someone who wouldn't keep quiet about these things, but back then I was quicker to get intimidated by those people who tell you to 'make music and not politics', which is utter bullshit of course. Apart from that, I gotta say that I still don't see it as political to think that Nazis are shit. But yeah, when I have to stand up and fight for a freer, more tolerant and sympathetic world, then I will always do that. Online and in real life.
Question: Will you be watching the upcoming ESC together as a band event and revel in your memories?
Chris: If we do find the time, we will do that. But even more importantly, we will apply again every single year. Even when it's practically a given that we won't be allowed to participate again after having come last once. But the experience was so awesome, we need to have that again!
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Mineradores Asic ️
It is better to pre-order the ASIC miners from the producer with supply in a couple of months. Unfortunately, the manufactures’ web sites have their gear bought out too quick right after the announcement, so you want to hold an eye fixed. You can view the S9 as the bigger brother of the slightly underpowered T9. The specification is completely just like the T9 mannequin, however the S9 has 189 BM1387 ASIC chips as a substitute of 171. Technically this Bitcoin miner is more power-efficient than the T9, consuming about zero.098J/GH. That is why the identical APW3++ 1600W power provide also can energy one AntMiner S9.
This will create extra demand for miners, and push the costs of machines higher. Expressed in watts, this metric is crucial for miners because electricity prices can considerably impact profitability. ASIC stands for “Application-Specific Integrated Circuit miner.” It is principally a really highly effective, high-performance hardware that is designed to mine for cryptocurrency.
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These machines, often referred to as mining rigs, are equipped with highly effective processors and graphics playing cards that contribute to the safety and functionality of varied cryptocurrencies’ networks. If you would possibly be searching for a worthwhile ASIC mining machine which produces much less noise and could be setup at your own home, then purchase ASICminer eight Nano with none doubt. The reason behind much less noise production during mining operations of ASICminer 8 Nano is using water cooling noiseless system. The Bitmain Antminer T9 is a well-liked ASIC miner designed for mining cryptocurrencies similar to Bitcoin and Bitcoin Cash. It was launched in 2017 and is powered by Bitmain’s BM1387 ASIC chip, which provides a processing speed of eleven.5 TH/s with an influence consumption of 1450W. The Antminer T9 is equipped with 171 BM1387 chips, that are cooled by two highly effective fans.
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Minecraft Server List - An Overview
What are the most efficient Minecraft servers? They make the globe go spherical. It's not just the worlds of Minecraft. It's not a secret that the PC Neighborhood boasts essentially the most powerful players on the planet and there isn't better proof of this than the most prestigious Minecraft servers.
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In fact, struggle royale games like Fortnite and PUBG are able to trace their heritage again to the last gentleman standing Minecraft servers, so you're able to repeatedly die with the impression that you're returning to the place where everything began.
Anyone can make use of our Minecraft Server Lookup feature to locate a server IP for their specific device (regardless of whether that's an iPhone, laptop or maybe an Xbox console) or browse our server list.
When you join a Skyblock method server, gamers get assigned very small islands that they can participate in on and ultimately extend. In
These Minecraft servers are what an MC participant could well be most familiar with. They are often very close to the server.
For long term supporters of CaptainSparklez, Here's a Minecraft server that permits players to build defenses for the castle, or train troops to take on an enemy's defences. Utilizing custom assets, you can recruit troops to combat enemies by utilizing assets from your mining globe or enhance products through the blacksmith.
So, which one is the most impressive? We rank servers based not only on consumer votes but also relevance to the sport they are playing. The majority of servers have more than one recreation mode - We have listed servers that specialize in the Survival games Perform 1st and servers in which Survival is complementary 2nd.
Navigating a ship close to in Minecraft isn't easy, but in PirateCraft they do an amazing job of making it get the job accomplished. Like most of these Minecraft survival servers, it requires a bit of time and effort to become familiar with items, but it really's nicely worthy of the effort when you enjoy The thought.
Server is often a rare option. To Engage in on Minecraft with servers that have Jail maps, just select the server you want to join.
In Java Version, there isn't an already-populated list of servers offered from in-sport itself or on the Formal Minecraft Internet site, although the stand-by Java Edition launcher does help by incorporating servers into the Multiplayer portion.
You can stop by the Formal Minecraft Website, or browse throughout the Minecraft Wiki. If you ever have any questions about Minecraft or Minecraft Servers, Be free to get contact us via the contact us button or by signing up as a member of our Discord server and creating an account and a guide ticket.
This minute, you will find articles that range from classic MMO RPG video games to some parkour-themed heaven. Enjoy the biggest here worlds the best Minecraft multiplayer servers can provide!
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Ant tweak bar.dll gta sa mp
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This is essential to the story at points but also bolsters the lore through emails, random web-sites and provides romantic dates, yet another chance to interact with more characters, each with their own personality and perks. Other than cell phones, the contemporary setting allows for the existence of the internet. I felt like I inhabited Liberty City instead of arbitrarily going from mission with the cherry on top being receiving calls that propel the story forward or forcing you in missions at a given moment.
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Your friends calling you during missions, creates a model of the real life simulator that was perfected in RDR 2. The one you’ll mostly use is the gun van which can save your trips to the gun shops by bringing guns near you at lower prices. Being liked by each one will unlock services such as taxis or a helicopter on call. While the activities themselves leave a lot to be desired, hanging out with friends offers a lot of character development dialogue much like being around them in camp did in RDR 2. GTA IV is infamous for the activities, side-characters calling you and asking you to hang out. The similarities with Red Dead Redemption 2 don't stop there. The first shades of morality in a Rockstar game which would come to be the main theme of Red Dead Redemption 2. It also marks the first time were you get to kill major characters right from the first hours of the game while also having the choice to spare characters and be faced with binary choices that will have lasting consequences on the story. While IV is a story of betrayal and revenge much like the 3D GTAs, never before has a protagonist struggled with their actions in such a way. When he realizes that his cousin sold him a lie, he's back in the perpetual cycle of violence exchanging the war for organized crime. Niko Bellic, our protagonist, has faced the horrors of war and arrives in the US with the promise of the American Dream by his cousin Roman. While many gameplay features such as extended character customization, hunger and stamina meters were stripped back from San Andreas, IV had the most detailed world in a GTA and also the most adult and tragic story with three-dimensional well developed characters.
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GTA IV was an anomaly for the series at the time. Two months later and almost 77 hours of playtime, making it my most played single-player game in my decade on Steam, I do not regret this a bit. For just 5.50 euros in the Holiday sales I was ready to dive in nostalgia, replaying the one GTA from my childhood I never replayed.
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When it was reported that Rockstar was taking down mods for IV, much like it did for San Andreas and Vice City prior to the new release, I knew it was finally time to buy it again. To add injury to insult, Rockstar pulled the original versions of the games from Steam. The sheer scale of that botch is well documented by now, all three games were a lazy bug-ridden excuse for a remaster. In November 11, 2021, Rockstar released a "Definitive" edition of the GTA 3D Trilogy. THE AMERICAN DREAM IS THRIVING ON WHAT YOU’RE BEST AT
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notoriously yours | jay park
✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.
so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?
and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?
✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]
✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au
✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)
✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)
✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333
⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺
Jay Park is a rich kid.
Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).
Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.
Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.
Well, his friends beg to differ.
In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.
So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)
Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.
Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.
They're doing anything but studying.
In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.
"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.
"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.
"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.
Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.
Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.
"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."
"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.
Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.
"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.
Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."
Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.
"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."
"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.
"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.
One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.
"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.
Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.
Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.
"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.
"What kind of bet are we talking here?"
Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.
Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.
"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."
Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.
"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.
Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.
And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.
Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.
"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.
Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.
Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".
Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.
He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.
Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.
He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.
Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.
He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.
Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.
Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).
But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?
The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.
Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.
But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.
That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?
And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.
At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.
Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.
He might as well pay someone to date him.
There's no harm in that, is there?
He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.
He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.
And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.
Simple as that.
Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.
And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.
You love your friends, you do.
Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.
But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.
But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.
"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."
You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.
You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.
You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.
You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.
Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.
And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.
So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.
And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.
For the most part.
Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.
"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.
"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.
Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.
She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."
You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.
Been there, done that.
College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.
Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.
Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.
It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.
Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.
Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.
Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.
You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:
"Fake date me."
You blink up at him.
Yeah, definitely not expected.
But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.
"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.
You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.
And he's smiling right at you.
Curse him and his smile.
But no, you're not giving into it.
Not yet, at least.
"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.
"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.
"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.
"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"
"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.
In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."
Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"
This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.
"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.
You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!
The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.
"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.
"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"
"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."
"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"
"--desperate? Yeah."
"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"
"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.
"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.
"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.
Jay hates that you're right.
You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.
You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.
Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.
"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."
Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.
Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.
Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.
"Wait, Y/N!"
You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.
He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."
You nearly stop breathing.
Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.
And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.
The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.
Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.
Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.
But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.
First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.
Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).
Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.
All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).
And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.
"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.
The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.
You sigh, then nod.
"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."
The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.
You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.
Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.
Great.
You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.
"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?
"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."
Bingo.
"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.
"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.
But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.
Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.
"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.
"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"
Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."
"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.
Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.
Cute.
"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.
You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!
"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.
"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.
How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.
"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."
"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."
Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.
"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.
"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."
You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.
"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.
"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."
If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.
"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.
Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."
Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.
"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."
It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.
You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.
Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.
"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.
"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.
"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.
And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.
As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.
And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.
The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.
The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.
And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.
"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.
The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:
~ ~ ~
"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.
"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.
You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.
You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."
He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."
"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.
Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."
"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.
"3,2,1."
"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.
"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.
"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.
"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.
"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.
"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.
"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.
"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.
"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.
When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.
Obviously.
~ ~ ~
"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)
What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.
"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.
Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."
Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."
Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.
He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.
"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."
Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."
Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.
Jake suddenly gasps in realization.
"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.
Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:
"Jay, are you in? It's me!"
Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.
But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--
"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.
Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.
"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.
"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.
Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.
"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."
"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.
Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.
Weird.
"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.
Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"
"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.
"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"
"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."
Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.
Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.
"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.
"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.
Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."
Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.
"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.
"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.
"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:
~ ~ ~
You're late.
This never happens.
But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.
You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.
Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.
You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.
"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.
"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.
"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.
"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.
"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.
Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.
Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.
The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.
"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.
Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.
Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.
"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.
"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.
And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.
And the next.
~ ~ ~
"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.
Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.
You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.
"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.
If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.
Weird.
"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.
Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"
You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.
He wonders why.
When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).
Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.
"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.
Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."
You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.
"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.
"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.
"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.
The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.
"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.
You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.
"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."
You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.
You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.
"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.
His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.
"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.
"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.
Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.
The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.
"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.
"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.
"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.
You stare back at him in silence. Oh.
Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:
"Huh?"
Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?
You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.
"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.
Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.
You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.
"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.
"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.
Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.
As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.
"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."
Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.
"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.
"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.
"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.
"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.
"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.
"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.
You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"
"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.
You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.
Your heart beats faster at the view.
You wonder why.
It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.
You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.
It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).
It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.
Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N
Jay [3:09AM]: hi
Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn
Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so
Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up
Jay [3:11AM]: come outside
Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am
Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew
Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice
Jay [3:15AM]: :)
You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.
You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?
(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)
And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.
The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.
"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.
The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.
But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.
"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."
"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.
"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.
A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?
"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.
"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.
"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."
Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"
You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."
Oh. Awkward.
You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.
"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.
"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.
The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.
You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.
You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.
"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.
"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.
You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.
"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"
You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.
But you knew where he was coming from.
You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.
"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.
He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.
"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.
You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."
Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.
Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.
Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.
"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."
His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.
The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.
Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.
You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.
But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.
You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.
"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.
"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.
Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.
That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.
That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.
When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.
Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.
Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.
In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.
"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.
"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.
Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"
Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."
There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.
"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."
Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.
The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.
"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.
"Huh? Calling what off?"
"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."
But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.
Something he's scared he's already lost.
You.
⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺
The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.
Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.
Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.
Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.
And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.
"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.
"Hi."
"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.
"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.
"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.
Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:
"He called it off. It's over. The bet."
"Oh."
Silence.
Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.
"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."
Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?
Fuck it.
"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.
You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.
"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"
"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."
Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?
"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.
"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.
Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."
"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.
Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."
"Mm, and what's that?"
And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.
His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.
The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.
You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.
Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.
Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.
⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺
The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.
Jay drives you to class that day.
And everyday after that.
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :
✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3
#finally finally finally#im so sorry this took so long#anyways#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen fics#enhypen scenarios#enhypen oneshots#enhypen jay#jaypark#enhypen jay park#park jongseong#jay park#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen x reader#enhypen jay fluff#enhypen jay angst#enhypen jay fic#jay park x reader#enhypen jay imagine#enhypen jay oneshot#jay fluff#jay park fluff#iland#iland jay park#iland jay#iland imagines#jay#kpop
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REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS | UPDATE #1
Hello y’all! I refuse to believe it’s been 3 and a half months since I last made an update post for this novel because time is not real :) whoops! This has actually been sat in my drafts for like a month though
A rundown of things that happened:
We have a new title! I already went into the meta and possible interpretations (it’s ~ambiguous~), so if you want you can read about that HERE.
I did 3 weeks of Nano and wrote 15k words! On the site I recorded 15053 but I think it was more 15.5k? I’ve edited the original doc now so idk but I’m v happy with that!
After that I took a break and a lot of Life Things happened re a certain pandemic that is taking :) all my motivation :) so I didn’t return to drafting until January. I also really struggled to progress with the story and decided the best thing was to revisit what I already had and work on that
It’s not that the original chapters weren’t working, I was just trying to understand the story for the first time and also Nano was such a hazy blur and I’m 99% sure November didn’t happen. I probably won’t revisit a section this intensely again until I’ve finished the draft but at this stage it really helped because the more I worked on it, the more I understood where it had to go next - I know the structure (for now), the basics for the middle and how the story ends :) hehe :) and I don’t think I’d had those revelations (aha) without revisiting this first part. I got to fall in love with the story all over again and I’m very happy with where it’s going!
This intro is already getting so long so I’m just going to jump straight into it because this update is LONG. I’m talking about all the chapters today even though not all of them are new, but since I’ve learnt a lot about them and this is officially update #1 post-nano, it makes sense to talk about all of them!
I’m also going to do a new taglist because I see this as a new set of updates also I am awful at keeping up with taglists so! I’m just tagging friends who have already expressed interest + mutuals who I’m like 99% sure want to stay on so! please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!
@kowlazovdi @isherwoodj @avi-burton-writing @pamsdrabbles @ryns-ramblings @kitblogsthings @svpphicwrites @aetherwrites @radiomacbeth @bijouxs @writerlywonders @haldimilks @alicewestwater @piyawrites @coffeeandcalligraphy @shaelinwrites
usual content warnings for religious trauma and cult discussion, specific CWs will come before excerpts!
So I’m currently working with four parts, and I’ve extended the timeline from one year to four years. This suits the story much better BUT pretty much everything here was written before that decision and I do not have the energy to restructure all of it right now :) Each part is split into two sections, one for each POV. So four parts, 8 sections, Felix and Dorothy get four sections each. I let the structure grow with the story but this one is working very well!
Also I started setting my pages to light green and it was LIFE CHANGING. Much kinder on the eyes and just looks so nice?? Calming?? This post is your sign to set your page colour to light green like LOOK
So we have a prologue now!! The story made a lot more sense once I added this because originally the information we learn was just shoehorned into Chapter 1 in a flashback when really we needed to know this information going into it. That being said I struggled with this for a bit just because to justify a prologue I need that information to be conveyed in a way that is completely unique to the rest of the narrative so I didn’t want to just write this as a flashback. I ended up writing it in 2nd person and it came out in a way where it’s not clear which twins POV it is? Like it’s more of a fusion of both of them where neither of them have their own individual identity beyond “the twins” yet. I can’t tell if this is my funky POV peak or a clarity nightmare but I like it! I want it to only be ~500 words so we can take the risk.
In this they’re fourteen and they do a “blood pact” as a way to symbolically cut themselves from their family (aka: their father) whilst they’re still tethered to it. I really love it because not only is it exactly what these slightly unhinged-but-havent-tapped-into-it-yet, co-dependent-and-dont-realise-it kids would do but it immediately brings up the question of family and what family actually is. I’ve also realised a huge idea in this story is the idea of the tangible and for them, the concept of family and blood isn’t tangible so they struggle to recognise its significance (not that it. has any for them in the first place.) but their relationship, seeing each other bleed and pressing the cuts together is. The writing itself is kinda wonky because of the whole funky clarity nightmare POV but here’s a little taste of the ending:
cw: blood
You’ll slink back into your family room to clean and plaster each other’s hands and you’ll ask yourselves: which bloodstains came from who? Who bled the most and who stopped first? Who will come up with the story for the cuts on your palms and who will dispose the bloodied towel? Who is Dorothy without Felix and who is Felix without Dorothy?
Shiny new first chapter! Originally this was in Dorothy’s POV but now it’s switched to Felix and instead of just showing their reunion (which turns out is....very anticlimactic and not appropriate for an opening lol??) we actually explore Felix’s thoughts an actions after he decides to escape the cult, which was a very impulsive decision and spans about a day and a half. This one is definitely gonna take a few drafts to get right because it’s such a delicate but intense event to write and I’m content with the fact that it’s not There Yet but the prose is! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and it really helped me get back into the swing of loving this story. There’s something very delicate about it but also very troubling under the surface. The opening gave me a lot of trouble, but the first line hits!
The day Felix decides to leave the sun glows the same, and the pine trees breathe the same, and the chapel cross stabs the sky the same.
Ironically, a good chunk of the chapter happens outside the cult, as Felix decides to spend his final day taking Lola - a woman his age who is literally the only person he likes lmao - to one of the nearby towns. Whilst the main function of the chapter is to introduce the cult itself, it’s also to show how normalised leaving actually is - it’s just every time he’s left has been temporary, and every time he has left, he still feel separated from this “outside world”. They go to a candy store and a thrift store - where Felix lies about his mom (who he hasn’t seen in 20 years) being in hospital so he can use a phone :) Lola is a new character so I don’t have much to say on her, but all I can say is they are wlw and mlm solidarity but also she knows how to read him
“I don’t know why Dotty and I loved this place so much - we always got toothaches.”
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
“These apple ones are nice, but I think the lime is my favourite. Do you think the apple or the lime is nicer?”
“I think you’re leaving, but I also think you’re scared, so you’re pretending that I’m going to leave with you and that’s why you wanted to go to town. You chose the candy shop because this is where you went the first time you left, but this time you’re not coming back. Does that scare you, Fel?”
And here is my favourite paragraph in the whole chapter because <3 what the fuck <3 and if pine trees are a key Felix symbol no they aren’t 👁️ yes they are
cw: falling out a window? pushing yourself out a window? description of bones breaking
The day Felix decides the leave, when the clouds bleed amber, he pushes the scratched mahogany dresser so it lines with the windowsill, lies on top and hangs his head out. It’s never comfortable, but it’s always peaceful: sometimes cars murmur on nearby backroads, sometimes a wind chime flutters, sometimes brush rabbits rustle in shrubbery and they all breathe the same oxygen as him. He closes his eyes, inhales the pine air, and plays God: pushes himself further out, an inch at a time, until his shoulders cross the line and he wonders what bones would break if he fell. Would he break both arms or one, both legs or one? Would he break his spine? Which vertebra would crack, and how many? Would he feel them all in one big strike, or all the individual bones burst like popping candy? Evening breeze whispers against his face and he could do it right now, leap out the window and if he didn’t break his legs or back he could run to the bushes, to the pine trees, to the road, the town over East or West, the county line.
If Felix hit the ground, would it be because of a freak fall, or because he pushed himself out?
We have to laugh because I’m pretty sure I said in my Nano update that this chapter was the strongest so far besides one scene but when I looked back that scene <3 took up 80% of the fucking chapter <3 So I just said fuck it I’ll rewrite the whole thing for fun!!!! And I love it!!! It’s so jarring compared to Chapter One and that’s the point!! Everything is so over saturated and originally that was just to convey the absolute shock Felix gets from the Major Impulsive Life Decision He Just Made, but now I think it’s intentional on his part and it goes back to the idea of the tangible: whilst he didn’t grow up totally isolated this is still a new life for him, and he has nothing to latch onto, so he looks to his surroundings and hyper-focuses and latches onto it because it’s something that’s now tangible and accessible to him so he sees it in this very bright, romanticised way (the romanticisation of San Francisco is very amusing to me but it’s also very relevant). But even with that he still distances himself from this environment still - the same way he did whilst living in the cult. He has no idea how he wants to exist in this world and he doesn’t even know how to exist yet.
And so it became clockwork: eyes burst open at two, three, four in morning, doesn’t bother trying to fall back to sleep. Lurk into the kitchen, make a coffee or water or whiskey. Sit under the fritzing lightbulb with no shade, think about everything and nothing and everything and nothing. Or go for a smoke, inhale the vapours until it hurts his chest, breathe in the cool air until it hurts his teeth, wander around the block until it hurts his feet. Sneak back into a room that doesn’t belong to him in an apartment that doesn’t belong to him in a city that doesn’t belong to him. Count the bumps in the popcorn ceiling until footsteps sneak down the hall – Dorothy leaving a room that doesn’t belong to her. Join his sister back at the kitchen, she complains that they need to replace the lightbulb. Over pulpy orange juice and scrambled eggs on toast, she retells her dream and lists the possible meanings and he lists his plans for that day on how to immerse in the outside world, familiarise himself with the city until it belongs to him. Travel by trolley for the first time, eat seafood at the waterfront for the first time. Bump into a cherry-headed conure parrot by chance. Climb Twin Peaks and gaze at the new view of home. Trace the outline of translucent mountains in the air and pretend you’ll ever hike them; trace the outline of high rises in the air and pretend you know the people in them. He asks Dorothy when he’ll stop feeling like a tourist – she has no answer for him.
(context: Dorothy’s roommate, Jolie, is out of town at this point, so Dorothy tells Felix to take her room whilst she takes Jolie’s and they’ll sort it out later. Dorothy has no problem sleeping in Jolie’s bed because her and Jolie are Very Good Friends)
I also realised that, in the nicest way possible to November me, that this chapter was so damn boring because it’s very dialogue heavy but in every dialogue moment they are literally just 🧍 doing nothing. So I wrote a scene as a half-joke of Just Met Like Three Hours Ago Beau and Felix going to the arcade and it saved this chapter. It is SO fun but it also comes straight after this very emotionally intense moment and it’s really interesting to see that reach its zenith and then just. fizzle out but linger in the background? I love this scene but I also can’t take it too seriously because they play Frogger and @aetherwrites joked that the game’s a metaphor for Felix leaving the cult and I love her and hate her because she is so right I can picture the LIT1000 seminar where that analysis would be made unironically and it’d be ME who makes it and I am so close to just running with that for real. Also these two aren’t love at first sight but the chemistry is so loud like did you two meet today or have you been married for eight years and own five dogs together what’s the truth? Anyway here’s Felix murdering Beau on sight
“You know, you could’ve warned me that you’d be that good,” Beau says.
“It’s not that difficult, you could’ve warned me that you’d be that bad.”
Beau leans across to shuffle through cassette tapes in the glove compartment. “I’m not, you just got lucky. I let you win.”
“But it’s not even competitive. You just died seven times in a row.”
I’m a little unsure of the pacing for this chapter now because its effectiveness lies in the fact it takes place a week after the previous, and my job with this section post-draft is to stretch it out longer since it only spans three weeks. I’m hoping I can make it work where there’s little time between Chapter 1 & 2 but still cover more time in chapters 3-5 because I think that’d be jarring in the best way? Like the absolute intensity of that initial week quickly dissolving and suddenly he’s been living this life for months he didn’t notice go by. Again <3 a problem for post draft me <3
I don’t have much to say about this one because in Nano I didn’t even finish it, and now I have but it’s still <3 giving me trouble <3 - however I’ve realised this is probably the most important chapter at this stage of the novel because it’s the first full chapter with just the twins, trying to have a bonding moment and catch up but only learning that they a) love each other b) can’t stand each other whilst not realising just yet that they are c) extremely co-dependent. I like to call this novel multiple plot threads in a trench coat and that’s definitely it, the twins have their own individual plot threads separate to one another, but if there’s a central plot (and there kinda is?? its a surprise :) ) at its essence is them realising how fucked up their relationship is, but wanting to rectify that and trying to understand the difference between a tangled and toxic relationship.
This chapter introduces that each character has a key symbol that’s attached to the world somehow and Felix has chapters like these in his arc where he tries to navigate the state of their relationship (so there’s one later on titled “Ocean (Beau)”) and his associations with them. We have to laugh here because I was really like “oh Dorothy is sapphic so I’ll make her obsessed with the moon” but then it became a major symbol in the story <3 Dorothy IS obsessed with the moon, and Felix is frustrated because he can’t see it the way she does and he feels like part of him is missing because of that, when it’s just a different perspective but nooo these two need to have unhealthy co-dependency and then get mad when they’re unhealthily co-dependent on each other :/ Anyway I’d just like to talk about how Felix’s need to be like his sister in this chapter is demonstrated through a symbol that’s attached way more to her than it is to him even though in the prose he describes the moon as this fragile, breakable thing which is the complete opposite as how Dorothy would and lets talk about the blade mirroring the prologue!!!!
He closed an eye and pointed the blade at the moon. If he could, it’d be so easy: surgeons precision, swift wrist flick, carved and plucked from the sky. Laid out on his palm like tissue paper, half translucent and as breakable as skin - a birthday present for Dorothy, if he doesn’t tear it. He’ll try not to, but it’d be so easy.
In further development of the Moon Imagery, I’ve started using a lot of Star Imagery with Felix and a lot of general space imagery in both of their POVs and I’m delighted to say I have no idea what the meta means with that but I like it!! It fits the story very well and they’re probably mirroring each other or something!
This little chapter taught me that I need to be flexible with form <3 this was originally meant to be the final scene of the last chapter, and I was so hyped because it was one of the first scenes I conceptualised, but then it ~sucked~. However I didn’t realise until recently that it sucked because I was writing it in a traditional storytelling form - which most of this book benefits from, but this moment certainly does! not! I’m really glad because I think this book is the perfect playground for experimental form - although here it’s relatively simple though, most of the setup for this happens at the end of the previous chapter and then this is just all the information condensed as much as possible. This chapter is focused on memories so it really works for it to be cut off from the previous which is in the fictive present, and Felix’s perception of memories right now are ~a little jarring~
The final scene of Moon (Dotty) depicts Felix and Dorothy breaking into a park at 4am, promptly having an argument that results in Dorothy leaving, and Felix sat next to a fountain picking pennies out of it and trying to associate a memory with the year on the back - this chapter is those memories and this introduces the fluid relationship characters have with their past. For Felix, he’s seeing the last 20+ years from a bird eyes view in a very sporadic way and it’s starting to sink in that those 20+ years actually Happened. Some of the memories are very distanced, others are as intense as flashbacks, and some are a mixture of the two. This one is very interesting to me because he completely separates himself from the memory halfway through Fel do you wanna talk about this (unfortunately I cannot drop the name because of plot <3)
cw: light/implied homophobia
IN GOD WE TRUST / 1978
The first time Felix held a boys hand was in 1978 in the back pew at morning service. It was the first time [redacted]’s father preached and they got stuck in the back because they arrived late, because they laid in the grass together, wearing each other’s identical pecan coloured blazers as sunrise peeled back the night, and they slunk into the back of service like ghosts everyone could see and maybe they knew why they were late. [Redacted]’s father had a razor voice and he made sure every word sliced into his son and his son interlocked fingers with the boy next to him. His son didn’t look at the boy he held hands with the same way he’ll pretend his blazer is his and not the boys and the same way he didn’t look at the boy the first time they kissed behind the chapel building and the same way he didn’t look at the boy during Bible study for the week after.
Whilst I’d say in Chapter 2 the chemistry between Beau and Felix is as clear as day this is the first instance where Felix’s queerness is explicitly introduced and I’m taking this chance to say this book gets more queer every fucking week. Like I think in the last updates I was like ohhh sexuality doesn’t play much into Felix’s arc and know it’s like 99% of his damn arc and we LOVE it. But at this point he doesn’t realise like when I tell you guys this man is so repressed
I am literally only putting this here because I talk about all the other chapters and it’s weird to me to leave one out. Also because the graphic and title is pretty. Not gonna lie I love making these posts and that is 10% to ramble about meta 90% making pretty graphics that is literally just cropping photos on Unsplash and putting Garamond text over them <3
Anyway this was originally Lessons in Holy and when I revisited that chapter I realised it was so fucking messy and I tried to fix it but it didn’t really work and I’ve been scared to touch it since. However the meta is top notch so here we are - it mirrors Chapter One, Everything Holy, which explores Felix’s decision to leave the cult and with that, leave God. Everything Holy / In San Francisco explores his relationship (or lack thereof) with God and how much Felix’s life has changed since he left - and how “holy” it is. It definitely goes back to the idea of the tangible because the holiness preached to him growing up was not something tangible to him, whereas with this he looks at real life experiences, so he tries to find holiness in that. It also ties with Cyan City and the romanticisation of San Francisco as something tangible and something he can find holiness in, which a) he needs to learn that things don’t have to be “holy” to be valuable and b) it would be a shame if :) he centred everything good about his life around SF and then :) something bad were to happen whilst living in SF :) the way he and Dorothy both do this
My plan for this is basically: Condense The Shit Out Of It. The hardest part about this chapter is it is very thematic and you know as a lit major (derogatory) I love that but with more theme centric chapters the line between subtle and Too Much can be verrryyy thin, but I think focusing on character exploration over theme will fix that pretty easily. I’d also like to separate the Isaias introduction into its own chapter because it’s such an important moment and November me just? Latched it on at the end? And that plus Felix’s crisis in the same chapter is just too much. This chapter is gonna get changed A Lot but for now here’s Felix’s very chill and relaxed ending to his POV section :)
cw: drowning, drug mention
Felix didn’t speak to God for three weeks and everything unholy became holy: the coffee scorching his throat, the kaleidoscopic t-shirts and high waisted jeans, the punk rock they play at the record store – loud and electric. It’s unholy, but he sleeps through the night now, he folds coloured card into butterflies at breakfast and scribbles biro eyes over the newspaper's sudoku on his lunch break. He earns money and he spends a pinch of it on himself: on new wave records and playing cards and earrings he can’t wear yet. Sometimes he buys marijuana it’s not a sin because marijuana means he only smokes tobacco twice a day now – one at breakfast, one before bed. He bar hops with Beau on Saturdays and hikes with Dorothy on Sundays and he tells strangers he studies American Literature and he smiles with his eyes more and nobody notices that somebody’s holding his head underwater. And he doesn’t know whose hand it is, but it knows how to grip tight. And he doesn’t know how to swim, but he knows how to swallow water. And he doesn’t know if this is the punishment or the sin because the water stings his eyes but he chooses to keep them open, and the water will tangle in his lungs but he chooses to keep his mouth open. And hellfire can’t touch him under here, so he’ll keep swallowing water and it’ll burn him in a different way, and he’ll like how it scorches his throat.
(Once again context I didn’t share because I don’t like the writing that talks about it: Felix has a deep fear of drowning from past trauma, but he’s also very obsessive about it and often imagines himself drowning.)
(also the way these excerpts are just showing off my love for repetition my Intro to Creative Writing Tutor that called repetition lazy is seething rn!!!!)
Overall though, I’m v happy with how this section came out now that I actually know what the story is! As I’ve finished drafting it, I have noticed where the missing plot beats are and this is what I expected because I Do Not have a lot of experience with novels (I’ve never passed 15k on a novel before so we’re in new territory now) and generally struggle to see beats before I finish a draft. I’m thinking there’s at least one chapter missing and maybe a shorter one, like MSATBOTF, but I won’t be touching this section again until I finish the draft. Most of all I learnt a lot about the story’s form and I’m excited to play with that and be a bit more flexible!
I’m currently drafting Indigo, the first chapter in Dorothy’s POV, and I was going to talk more about it but this post is too long and the next update will be <3 all about her <3. But the chapter introduces her and Jolie’s tumultuous relationship and here’s a lil peak!
Me, a sapphic, capable of writing happy sapphic relationships:
Me instead:
cw: light/implied homophobia
If she didn’t display the ticket on the bedside table - like she had something to prove - she could have easily been in Dallas, in New York, London, Cannes, Moscow, Tokyo, Cairo, Sydney. But wherever she went, Dorothy and Jolie have had four airport reunions before today - four times they’ve had to soften themselves, disguise themselves. Old high school friend flying in to be her maid of honour, college roommates who don’t see each other as a day past eighteen, pen pals reuniting for the first time since the seventies, business trip colleagues in casualwear. The fifth time, there’s nothing to hide, and as they walk to the car, Dorothy has to wonder: if they were seen by nobody, would Jolie have hugged her with both arms? Would she have kissed her? Would Dorothy kiss back?
I’m midway through this chapter, so I’ll keep the rest of it for the next update! That I promise won’t be in three months!
If you read through all of this then I am in love with you <3
#i'd say im sorry this is so long but it was so fun to write so i'm not!#also pls be proud i cut 2k words from this bc i RAMBLED#atlastracking#writeblr#writing update#revelations revelations
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henlo adi tis i with a request for some stevetony fics,,, angsty if you have 'em 💓
okay so this rec list is mainly classic stevetony fics, but i assure you - there’s angsty ones in there (ive marked the angsty ones with a 😞 so you can identify them quicker) just a general note that a lot of authors are going to repeat, because there are some authors that (imo) are stevetony staples (so if you see an author more than once - thats a sign that ALL of their stevetony is good and ive cherry picked the ones i love the most) (ive also marked those authors with a 🌟)
//
in the light of limerence: @shell-heads
It's the final game of the season, their biggest one yet, and there's only one question on everybody's mind: who the hell is Captain Steve Rogers' boyfriend, and why does Cap keep dodging questions about him?
"You gotta admit it's suspicious that only Bucky and Sam have met your boyfriend, dude," Clint points out as he shoves Pietro away with a smirk, pulling the uniform over his head and tugging it down. "We've known you, what-two years? We've never seen the guy even once."
"And your phone mysteriously only has pictures of Tony Stark," Johnny Storm adds as he joins the conversation, knocking knees with Thor when he sits down on one of the benches. "Tony Stark, who has at least ten fansites and personally assured me he's had a boyfriend for the past five years."
"I can't believe Cap is actually out here acting like Tony Stark's boyfriend," Luke says with a smirk, resting against a wall without a care.
"I can't believe you guys still think this is a joke," Sam throws back while tossing his other dirty sock at Luke, who dodges it smoothly.
In little more than ten minutes, the biggest question of Shield University is answered with much aplomb by none other than Tony Stark himself.
almeno tu nell'universo: @silkspectred 😞 🌟 (funfact: this is the fic that got me into stevetony)
Tony drives off.
Well, he wants to.
But he can’t.
Because.
Steve Rogers is in front of his car.
Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.
Rookie and Jailbait Take On The World: @theapplepielifestyle 🌟
“You really should be in school, you know.”
“Why would I be there when I could be here, solving crimes with my favourite rookie?” Tony flashes a grin, and Steve’s stomach twists like it did on the first day.
Teenager, Steve’s mind supplies. Definitely not legal, stop doing fluttery things, stomach.
Thumb, Index and Pinky Extended: @/Eudoxia 😞
Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.
I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you: @mizzy2k
Six years ago, without the Avengers Initiative there to save the day, scientist Dr. Eric Selvig sacrificed himself to save the world, the almighty demi-god Thor was lost to a terrible storm, and vigilante Iron Man – spotted with a nuclear weapon trying to take advantage of the situation – was forever labelled an enemy of SHIELD.
This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man.
Also includes: office pranks, inappropriate post-it notes, and superheroes who like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
Celestial Navigation: @sabrecmc
Celestial Navigation: 18 year old Omega!Tony finds himself Bonded to Captain Steve Rogers. He isn't happy about it until he is.
By request, here is CN in one place without other stories and artwork.
Ironsides: @copperbadge 🌟
Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.
Paved With Good Intentions (I’m On The Road To Hell): @itsallavengers 😞 🌟
When the mysterious group of vigilante assassins known only as 'The Avengers' are tipped off about the dirty secrets that lie within Stark Industries, Steve Rogers has his heart set on taking out Tony Stark for good in order to protect the rest of the world from his evil. He's seen the footage, after all- Stark is a man who fights only for himself. And of course, when a job arises as chief bodyguard for Stark, to protect him from the growing threat of an ominously infatuated stalker, the opportunity is way too good for him to miss out on. It's the perfect placement, and the perfect way to find out whether or not their tipoff is genuine.
But as Steve falls into rank as the new bodyguard for Mr. Stark and he spends time getting to know and protect him, his initial hatred begins to falter and merge into something different, something far more terrifying than the prospect of killing the face of Stark Industries.
Steve Rogers may just be falling in love with him instead.
The Problem With Communication: @itsallavengers
Steve is terrible at flirting, but when he finally picks up the courage to talk to the adorable barista who makes his drinks, he finds himself hitting a small snag:
That being, Tony is deaf. He doesn't know what Steve is saying.
But never say Steve Rogers does not rise to a challenge.
Killing Me Softly (With His Song): @itsallavengers
Steve is Tony's whole world. Tony couldn't imagine life without him. They've grown up together, after all.
Steve gets cancer.
Open Field In Front of Him: orphan account
Steve Rogers's football season is functionally over after a loss to Rutgers, but he finds a distraction in Tony Stark (yes, THAT Tony Stark). A college AU Stony fic.
Good For You: @orbingarrow 😞
Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.
The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.
COMPLETE 5/27/16
Edited to add art as last chapter on 6/23/16
Wrapped Up In Clover: @festiveferret
It's been seven years since Steve and Tony split up, and Steve's sure he'll never see Tony again. He's finally managed to put their failed relationship behind him and move on, focusing on his friends and building his business. But then his best friends, Bucky and Clint, decide to get married, and their wedding week at a cabin resort in Vermont turns into a minefield of heartbreak for Steve.
little green soldiers: @/nasa 🌟
“Rhodey,” Tony says. “I’m not stupid. He’s shipping out in three months. I’m not going to fall in love with him.”
Tony is a student at MIT; Steve is a soldier. They meet at a house party six months before Steve is set to deploy. This is their story.
flesh and bone: @/nasa 😞
“You or Rogers?” they ask, brandishing a knife or a gun or a flame.
“Me,” Tony says, over and over again. “Me, me, me,” always me.
Buried: @not-close-to-straight
When Howard Stark demands Tony work at a dig site in S.America one summer to "build character" and "learn about life", Tony is furious.
But then he meets soldier/archeologist Steve and falls in love with blue eyes and a perfect smile.
Just as they are ready to move forward together, Steve leaves abruptly with no explanation and breaks Tonys heart. Ten years later, Tony stumbles across the file for the old dig site. He's determined to visit and shut it down, but discovers that instead of a village, the dig has uncovered a temple and actually needs MORE money to stay open. A security team is hired to protect the staff and the artefacts they find, and Tony comes face to face with Steve Rogers all over again– except Steve is bearded and BIGGER and way more dangerous than he used to be...And Tony likes it.
When the camp is attacked, Steve jumps into action, snatching Tony and running into the jungle to escape and work their way towards safety.
But long days and nights together bring back old feelings, and one day Steve takes a risk and asks Tony to give them another chance.
Will Tony say yes? Or is his heart buried too far for the soldier-turned- archaeologist-turned-mercenary to find it?
don’t know why it took me so long to see: @3799steps
“Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”
Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”
-
In which Tony is a genius in all matters except recognising his boyfriend past a mask
Heartlines: @nanasekei 🌟
“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.“
Feel Whole Again: @thepartyresponsible
Steve turns to leave. It’s easier to talk, somehow, when he’s not looking at him. “If you need anything,” he says, “I’m just a few floors down.”
“Might regret that, Cap,” Tony says to his retreating back. “I’ve been told I’m needy.”
Steve doesn’t know who the hell said that to Tony. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t.
“It’s an honor,” he says, a little helpless, out of his depth and out of his time. “It’s an honor to be trusted with something like that, Tony.”
Attack Dog: @/salytierra
Steve doesn't swim in self-delusion. He knows that he is sick and that his owner is even worse. He is aware of it every time he rips some nameless guy’s throat out and feels the crunch of bones under his fingers. He is aware of it every time the rush of adrenaline at seeing life slip away from a stranger’s eyes hits him and gets him bothered and panting in ways that have nothing to do with physical exhaustion.
But it feels so good…
His owner’s approach is less personal. His shots fall clean and take out several foes at a time, his figure elegant and so graceful he looks like a god among savages. He is power incarnated, cold and burning like a sun at the same time… and Steve tries not to focus on him when they are fighting together, least his knees go weak and his technique falters. It’s fine though. They will go home afterwards and his owner will fuck him on the hard floor, with most of their gear still on and a vicious grip in his hair.
#adi's rec list#stevetony#superhusbands#steve rogers/tony stark#stevetony staples#OKAY this is like 20 fics long#so im going to make a second post#and the second post will have more#but have these for now :)))#adi answers asks#rhodee
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AvA Thoughts and Ideas
Yes, this is my first blog post. I can’t believe it was Animator vs Animation that made me want to interact with people on this site.
@sammy8d257 (I’m the anon that wanted to add to your theories) and @inksandpensblog, I’m tagging you guys because I really like your AvA theory crafting and I want to share my thoughts with you. Hope you don’t mind getting tagged. (Also, I’m so down to discuss this stuff in DMs or on Discord if you want? I’m craving AvA discussion.)
Edit: Rephrased a few things to flow better or be better understood. Also added a new point I just thought of. Edit 2: Fixing things that didn't get fixed the first time.
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Okay, so, AvA.
(Also, I will be calling Orange/Second ‘Orange’ because that’s what Alan calls him, unless I’m referring to “avatar-state” Orange, then I may refer to him as ‘Second’.)
((Also, also, my thoughts jump around quite a bit, sorry about that! Hope you can follow my thought process.))
(((Also, also, also, my opinions and headcanons expressed here are not set in stone. They could definitely change, which has already happened over the course of writing this.)))
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1) Chosen’s relationship with Dark.
- I definitely think that Chosen liked Dark (no offense to shippers, but I’m talking purely friendship here), however, I would guess that Dark considered the two of them much closer than Chosen did.
- Chosen initially followed Dark’s lead when destroying things. It was all he had known, and Dark wanted to do it. But Chosen started noticing it was actually hurting others, and didn’t really achieve anything.
- When they came to odds, Chosen struck first, while Dark just tried to stubbornly continue with his plan. It makes Chosen look like he immediately jumped to attacking, but I’d like to point out, in the flashback, he actively wanted Dark to stop attacking others when they were on the Newgrounds page. I think this means that this tension had been building up for some time. It wasn’t a sudden thing of Chosen deciding to attack Dark. It was likely sudden for Dark, because Chosen didn’t communicate with him (probably), but for Chosen, I think the creation of the virus was simply the last thing that convinced him that his former friend was actually an evil person.
- (I would love to see a reformed Dark and Chosen being friends! But, I think trying to say he wasn’t all bad in the first place is severely glossing over the fact that he did--and was going to do--some awful, awful things.)
- Chosen had no hesitance when he returned from defeating the first spider virus. He was going to beat Dark.
- (I also find it interesting that Chosen knew where this second location was. From what I can gather from the AvG reaction, it was meant to be a more secret location for Dark? Did Chosen watch him from afar and discover it? Just thinking.)
- TLDR: Chosen had already started expecting Dark might become an enemy before Dark revealed the virus.
2) Chosen’s opinion of Alan.
- Plain and simple, I don’t think Chosen hates Alan. I don’t think he even holds a grudge anymore.
- Yeah, he definitely hated Alan when he was chained up. He held a grudge for a long while after he escaped. But. I think as he watched Dark’s actions and the impact his destruction had on others, he started to see what Alan saw when Chosen was destroying Alan’s PC.
- When he entered Alan’s computer, and started trying to defend Alan’s PC, he was now in Alan’s shoes. He was the cursor, the anti-virus, who didn’t want or choose to have this destruction happen.
- After the fight, he sees other sticks on the computer and is forced to consider it may have been his own fault he got 'tamed', since the proof of Alan getting along with, or at least tolerating, stick figures was in front of him.
- It doesn’t mean what Alan did was right, but Chosen now sees why Alan chained him. After all, isn’t Chosen himself now on his way to destroy Dark? He and Alan aren’t so different. He nods to Alan, acknowledging him, even forgiving him. Alan nods back. There’s a level of acceptance that has been established between them. Alan respects stick figures significantly more, and Chosen sees Alan isn’t a heartless monster.
- So, when Alan’s cursor joins the fight against Dark, they were already on the same page. Preventing needless violence with violence. Not to mention, have you seen how many hits Alan purposely took for Chosen? As soon as the black blades came out, Alan got between them and Chosen as often as he could. Alan came to help Chosen, not just to defeat Dark.
- If Chosen could ally so quickly with Dark, and then turn on him when he realized Dark’s morals were wrong, why can’t the reverse be true with Chosen realizing Alan had changed for the better?
3) Chosen’s opinion of Orange.
- I believe it was Inks who said that Chosen feels something along the lines of submissive towards Orange at the end. While I do agree that Chosen’s bow doesn’t seem worshipful, I don’t think it’s Chosen ‘giving up’. I think it’s simply showing respect and gratitude in a very similar sense to how the five bowed to him after dealing with the virus. He’s just... far less emotive. It’s a nice parallel.
4) The effects of the virus spiders and blades on Chosen.
- Personally, I think the reason it looks like the virus has so little effect on Chosen is because of his coloring. Orange is, well, orange, so the black wounds are obviously going to show.
- You can see Chosen showing weakness in both his fight with the spider virus and his fight with Dark. The weakness shows itself in hesitation, slower response, straight up laying in a crater or the water for an extended period of time.
- I think at the end, when the Dark sends the virus to infect the internet, Chosen is laying there unmoving because he literally can’t move. His body language reads of someone looking up weakly, unable to do anything but wanting to. The viruses temporarily disabled him (but, notably, it took all of them to do so). Dark can’t actually kill Chosen or delete him, but he’s been successfully incapacitated, so Dark can move forward with his plan, unhindered.
- I just don’t think Chosen would ever, ever give up. If he can fight back, he will. He has never backed down once, even when there seems to be no way he can win. He almost lost to a spider virus--there’s even subtle hints later that he’s afraid of fighting them--but he still attacks the whole swarm until he literally can’t anymore.
5) Dark fighting Orange.
- With stabbing Orange, it becomes clear that he’s not being as quickly affected by the blade as his friends. That’s why the Dark lord raises him off the ground; he grew impatient. (Also, Chosen reacts to Orange being stabbed? Is it because he knows Orange is one of Alan’s creations as opposed to the other four sticks? Or does he literally feel something?)
- Dark becomes absolutely furious at Orange’s attempts to attack him and frustrated that Orange won’t simply die. Too reminiscent of Chosen. Also, I would like to note that, before he even stabbed Orange, Dark hits him the hardest out of the four still standing.
6) Orange’s powers.
- Before I say anything about Orange’s avatar-state, I want to point out that his talents seem a whole lot more like Victim’s than Chosen's? I don’t know, if it weren’t for the fact that he has some label saying “The Chosen One’s Return,” I’d say he’s actually the ‘second coming’ of Victim.
- Okay, now to his powers. Almost all of them are souped up versions of Chosen’s, with two exceptions. The whole reviving/restoring code ability, and the ability to fly/float without flames. The latter of these two abilities is something we see Dark do after he puts on his black band. The former could also very well be associated with Dark, considering Second had to go to Dark’s console to revive his friends. Food for thought.
- There’s a trade off here in the power scaling. Second is so much stronger than Chosen, but obviously can’t tap into his powers whenever he wants. Not to mention, he seemingly can’t use them indefinitely. If Dark somehow managed to avoid getting blasted into the beyond, Orange would be in major trouble if his super-state has a time limit.
- Then there’s the whole sleeping thing in videos that likely take place later chronologically? On the build competition video where Orange literally can’t stay awake for fifteen seconds despite punching himself in the face, there was something Alan did that always struck me as odd. He hearted a comment saying something like ‘should we be concerned about Orange’s narcolepsy?’ almost implying that we should be concerned? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I haven’t seen him just heart “funny-haha” comments before. (I would also like to point out it is very possible for this to be planned out. These AvM video scripts were likely written after AvA’s scripts even if the videos were finished first.)
7) What next for Chosen doing things with the color squad?
- I think, despite the many, many issues that will come up if Chosen ‘play-fights’ with the others (as I stated as an Anon to Sammy), it would be incredibly healthy for him once he can do it safely and have fun. He was born wanting to fight. It’s his calling. And he’s really good at it. Finding a way to do it without hurting others? That’s the best thing he could ever have.
- Okay, and, what if, Chosen doesn’t quite understand why Orange doesn’t remember going super, but he decides that he’s going to get to the bottom of Orange’s powers and, in the process, starts training Orange. (It probably starts with Chosen being all, ‘come here’ and flies up, while Orange is just, ‘what? I can’t do that.’ ‘Yes you can. Do it.’ Of course, that blunt method of teaching is not going to work, so Chosen has to learn to communicate better.) Training may or may not actually be successful, but imagine him and Orange bonding.
- Both the color squad and Chosen adopting each other. They both parent the other in their own ways, and just. Be cute together. Chosen learns how to people and relax, and gets, like, super attached to these weak little sticks? So, the color squad now has an overprotective higher being watching over them, and the awe they have of his power is quickly cut short when they learn he’s never played cards before?
- The sticks also show off their skills to Chosen and he’s just. Confused. Why would you tap blocks just to make a sound? Make something to harvest wheat when you can do it by hand? Why are you eating that. Animals? Okay, actually, holding this cat is nice.
-
(I deleted my old conclusion on accident, and I don't remember what it said. I don't think it was important, though. Thanks for reading! Please share any thoughts if you have any!)
#K1ttyTalks#K1ttyTalksAvA#Alan Becker#Animator vs Animation#AvA Shorts#AvA#AvATheory#AvAHeadcanon#AvAAnalysis
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A/N: With the release and playing of the Mass Effect Legendary Edition, Shenko has once more planted itself firmly into all of my headspace. They were THE OG Bioware OTP of mine long before Alistair/Mahariel even, so it is a bit weird i never came around to write fic about them. Well, time to rectify it, since as much as I love Kaidan and his romance... some ingame scenes could use expanding upon, especially regarding its emotional depth.
This is a standalone one-shot, and can be read as such. But it will be part of an one-shot series of extended canon and in-between scenes, eventually building a coherent universe/narrative of my canon Shepard.
Excerpt:
The door to Normandy’s docking bay opened with a hiss, giving way to the man who had eluded her ever since one hell of an awkward elevator ride with the Council.
Arms crossed, Kaidan leaned against the glass surrounding the bay’s front side. Beyond Normandy’s massive bulkhead, smoke still billowed across the horizon. He straightened upon her entrance, as though surprised. “Shepard…”
Her breath hitched at the ragged edges of her name uttered. With him, it was always so much more than just that. And the low timbre of longing, regret and awe all jumbled together in one word settled deep into her bones. It froze her in place. The warmth of his gaze wrapped around her as the moment stretched in stasis, caught in an immovable in-between of time.
No longer cold nor distrusting like hours ago through the crosshair of his pistol, but open he regarded her. Tender, even. Though a hint of confusion also mixed into his gaze the longer she stood there rooted in place, at a loss for words. Dammit. She should – but what was there to say? She’d nearly lost him. Again. After Alchera, after Horizon, after Mars, three years and a thousand times over. Would they ever stop colliding on opposite sites, drifting apart? Too many near misses, too many chances wasted already, with fate grinning its sardonic smile.
Shepard broke out of the impasse and charged forward with a force otherwise reserved for battle. She grabbed his collar and yanked him down to kiss him so hard their teeth clicked together. Kaidan’s whole body stiffened at her impulse and initiative, hopefully not an unwelcome one. And at first, his arms remained crossed before they slowly, ever so slightly, fell down at his sides with a shuddered sigh that rivaled her name prior uttered. A good sign, then. Shepard stepped closer still, pressed him against the glass as she deepened the kiss. No longer passive, he gave as much as he took and groaned into her mouth as her tongue tentatively met his. His fingertips brushed along the sides of her waist, holding on there and her in place, close.
And while there were no words, there was this. The warmth and soft of his mouth; a familiarity burned into her, never forgotten. Another moment spent in between but together, with seeking lips, mingling breaths and the faint promise of home. Comfort too, because he’d always been a reminder of her own humanity when everyone else only saw the symbol. The role she’d now reprised, fighting this war, after being almost court-martialed for doing so.
God, she’d missed him.[...]
CONTINUE READING
#kaidan alenko#shenko#commander shepard#mass effect#f!shenko#meri writes things#nora shepard#otp: dorks in space#have no#mass effect 3#screens yet#lmao#like and reblog#maybe#????
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I Forgot (Queen Of Mean Au)
Hey Everyone, This is another Queen of Mean update. This was in reponse to ask. I listen to Taylor swift I Forgot That You Existed. I thought it was different than what I had been previous going for so I thought I’d give it a try. If anyone wants to do a continuation of the Queen Mari Au they can. Just tag.
Marinette could still recall all the days and nights she spent thinking about her friends’ betrayal. Stressing and crying over just how quickly they turned on her, wronged her, and made her out to be the villain. Despite everything.
In some of their cases, despite years of friendship. Kids who had grown up with her, who Marinette thought she knew as well as anyone ever could, who she thought knew her as well as anyone ever could. But Marinette was wrong. She was horribly, horribly wrong. And wronged. So badly wronged.
They had thrown away her friendship. Taunted her and bullied her, while claiming that she was the bully. The people that were supposed to be her friends damned her until Marinette was nothing more than a crying, miserable, mess. Cutting words had hurt more than a thousand akuma attacks. The entire situation had left Marinette friendless, alone, and a shadow of her former self.
No matter how hard Marinette had tried in the beginning, she couldn’t stop thinking about them, of how much it hurt. She had drowned so much in her feelings that every time she thought about it she was still surprised she hadn’t been Akumatized. She talked about Alya and Adrien and Nino more than she had when they were actually still friends; constantly on her mind. Especially after Marinette had returned from lunch to see her precious sketch book in pieces at her desk; the other students throwing vicious smirks at her. (“Should’ve been more careful,” Alix hissed at Marinette, ignoring the tears building in the bluebell eyes.) Marinette kept wondering what she could have possibly done to deserve this.
And the harder Marinette fought to not to think about them, the worst it got. Though actively plotting their downfalls, probably hadn’t helped the situation. But it did make her feel a bit better. Even more so, when the plans when into effect.
She could still remember Alya’s face when Aurore had unleashed her new website: Miraculous Nation; a tell-all news site for everything related to Paris’ favorite heroes. Its first release? An exclusive interview with the entire new team miraculous (with a little TV magic, and miraculous magic, to edit Aurore and Icefox into the same interview.) Marinette had used her connection with Nadja to get help to rent an empty studio big enough to do the interview in a professional way. Nadja, of course, wanted producer credits. The interview answered all the big questions:
Aurore relaxed in her seat like she wasn’t doing the biggest interview of her career. “So I guess, we should start with the questions that’s been on everyone’s mind thank to a certain nasty little blog. What’s with the replacements? What happen to Rena Rouge? Chat Noir? The turtle guy? Why the change?”
Ladybug: Rena proved she couldn’t be trusted outside the mask. The fox is the master of not just illusion but truth. She fell quickly to someone else’s illusions and willful blinded herself from the truth hurting an innocent in the process. She is no hero.
Chat Noir: The Old Alley Chat proved too immature for the mantle. He is the balance of Ladybug, and he was unable to show that.
Queen Bee: Who’s care about the turtle?
Aurore’s blue eyes narrowed, “Ladybug; Rumors have persisted for years that you and the old Chat Noir, I’ll call him Alley Chat for simplicity’s sake, have been in a relationship or at least dating. Did a bad breakup have anything to do with the replacement?
If Ladybug hadn’t been prepped and or written the questions herself, she would’ve bit the head of the journalist who dared imply anything of the sort. “I would like to state this as clear as possible,” Ladybug looked directly into the camera. “Chat Noir, correction Alley Chat, and I have never and will never be romantically involved. These lies have been instigated by the paparazzo that is the Ladyblog. If they had bothered before releasing any of the information, I would’ve corrected them.
Queen Bee: What can you expect when its only Journalist doesn’t know how to fact check? I’ve said for years that Ladybug could do better than that Mangy chat.
The website was endorsed by Ladybug and all the heroes... Offered helpful information about how to deal with Akumas, group counseling, first aid instruction videos, etc. It had active threads for fans to post their work. Marinette as herself gave instruction videos for making your own cosplay outfits or just outfits styled after the heroes. Sometimes the heroes would post short quick video about the fan works; their favorite and which made them laugh. There was even a virtual reality video where you could see an akuma fight through Ladybug’s eyes. Marin
Suffice to say the website had gained popularity quickly.
Again, it didn’t help her stop thinking about her friends.
However, one night with Marinette, Kagami, Chloe, and Aurore doing a gigantic slumber party at Chloe and then had a blast laughing and gossiping and giving each other makeovers. It was during this night that something magical happen, Marinette forgot they existed.
She actually forgot Alya, Adrien, Lila, and the rest of the her classmates and all the problems they had caused existed.
Marinette used to think that all the heartache would kill her, but it didn’t. It was so… Nice. Peace. Amazing. Perfect.
She forgot they existed and everything was just… great. It wasn’t love. Or hate. Just indifference.
Marinette’s reputation at school had started deteriorating as soon as Lila came to class. To the point where some went out of the way to actively try to trip her and laugh when she hit the ground
It was insane because… Marinette would’ve never done that to anyone. Not even Lila. For friends, she would’ve defended them, had their back, and stuck around. If anyone had tried to do what they did to her to any of them, she would fought for them. Marinette would’ve fought all of Paris if she had to.
If Nino would’ve been made a social pariah, Marinette would’ve gladly been right there with him. She would’ve showed up to every one of his shows, right in the front. Even if nobody else came. She’d have done the same for Alix, Kim, Alya, Max, Nathanial, Mylene, Rose; EVERYONE.
Then they showed who they really who.
And Marinette had broke, and became a villain so much worse than the one they had painted her as. Granted, she wasn’t a bully.
Still revenge didn’t make her feel better. At least not for long. Because for a while, in the middle, when she was every plan was in motion and her name was starting to appear in lights, Marinette would still think about them; still nurse a wounded heart. After all, Marinette had become the Queen of Mean because she originally wanted them to hurt as badly as she did. To know what it was like to have a perfectly good heart broken.
Nothing had helped until that slumber party. And then Ice cream with Felix. Ice Skating with Luka. Hiking with Marc. Dancing with Aurore. Fencing with Kagami. Mani-pedis with Chloe. Nights out with all of them. Every instance made her forget her old friend existed. To the point where she wonders why she ever thought losing them would kill her. It was nice and perfect. For just while to not feel anything but indifference to people who’ve proven themselves unworthy of her affections.
Marinette forgot that that her old friends sent her a clear message that they didn’t want her around anymore, didn’t want to be friends anymore. Marinette was forced to learn some hard lessons and truths about being too trusting, too loving.
But with her new friends, with her love, she kind of forgot what those lessons were. She’d laugh and all past pain would be blur.
Still, it was only in those moments with her friends and family that she forgot. But Marinette knew, vowed that one day those moments would extend to days, weeks, months, and then years.
Marinette would move on to bigger and better things, and their names and faces would blur from her memory. Until she would have to force herself to think back and try so very hard to remember because her kids probably wanted to know what she was like when she was little like them. And she’d bring out old family pictures and school photos; and they ask about the strangers in them. And Marinette would struggle to remember their names and maybe even fleetingly wonder what’ve been up to. Who’d they became? And maybe even feel a slight sorry in her heart as she tells her kids all sorts of stories her school days. Her friends, her crushes, her loves, her dreams; everything.
Remember her grade school friends. The nights she spent laughing and giggling with a vivacious glasses wearing redhead who’d swore to always have Marinette’s back, over far-too handsome, ball of sunshine, green-eyed boy she swore she was going to marry someday. And then, she’d tell her children
She’d take one last look at those photos; the one with the entire class in them. And feel nothing but indifference. Not love. Not hate. No sense of longing. Just nothing.
And briefly realize she probably got a few of their names wrong. But Marinette will just shrug the thought away.
After all,
Queens can’t remember the names of every peasant.
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#Queen Mari AU#Queen Mari AU.#queen of mean au#Queen mari#ladybug and chat noir#marinette dupen chang#Marinette deserves better#ml salt fic#ml spite#ml salt#ml fic#ml spite fic#alya salt
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Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download
A VPN protects your internet connection, so you can browse the web safely, enjoy your favorite websites and services, and access geo-restricted content from anywhere. It’s easy to configure a VPN connection on an iPhone, and we’ll show you the fastest way to do it.
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What is a VPN on iPhone?
VPN, a virtual private network, lets you access the internet via a secure encrypted connection. This adds an extra layer of protection to your browsing, so nobody can snoop on your online activity.
There are two main cases when you may want to use VPN on your iPhone:
Protect your data online. VPN is a must while using public Wi-Fi. Such networks are typically unencrypted, so bad guys can easily get access to your passwords or credit card numbers. VPN encrypts your data and makes it unreadable to hackers, so you can safely check your bank account from a local coffee shop. VPN is also useful at home if you don’t want your ISP to snoop on your activity.
Access your favorite music, movies, websites, and services from anywhere. VPN makes your device think you’re in another location, so you can enjoy Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and any other services that may be restricted for you.
How to set up a VPN on iPhone
The fastest and easiest way to add VPN to your iPhone is by using Documents by Readdle. Documents is the super app for file action. It lets you do what you want with your files, from watching movies to PDF editing. Documents features a built-in VPN service that works across all your apps.
Here’s how to configure a VPN with Documents:
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Launch the app and jump to the VPN tab.
Tap the big Start button.
That’s it! Now, you can enjoy safe and private browsing. You can also pick a different server location if you need to bypass certain geo-restrictions. VPN works across all your apps, even when you close Documents.
How to connect and disconnect a VPN on iPhone
Once you’ve added a VPN in Documents, you can quickly turn it on or off in the app:
Open Documents.
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How to manually set up VPN on your iPhone
We’ve just explored an easy way to add a VPN to your iPhone. Alternatively, you can configure a VPN connection manually in the settings of your device. You’ll want to use this method when you already know all the connection details. For example, your employer can provide this information to let you set up a corporate VPN.
If this is your case, follow these steps:
Open the Settings app on your iPhone.
Tap General.
Scroll down and select VPN.
Tap Add VPN Configuration.
Here, you can select the VPN type and fill in all the required settings.
After adding all the details, tap Done at the top right of the screen.
Once you’ve added a VPN configuration, a new VPN toggle will appear in the iOS settings. Just turn it on to start using the VPN.
If you’re looking for the easiest way to use a VPN on your iPhone, download Documents. Turn on a VPN with just a few taps, enjoy safety and privacy while using public Wi-Fi, and get access to your favorite content from anywhere.
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Are you experiencing those Wi-Fi problems with your Mac? For example, your MacBook Pro won’t connect to wifi, connected but no Internet or the network speed is super slow, etc.
Our smartphones may be equipped with the latest wireless data capabilities, but our MacBooks definitely aren’t. We rely on WiFi to do our daily work, and when it inevitably experiences an error of some sort, all you want to do is throw your hands in the air.
After all, WiFi frequently seems to be on the more technical end of things, shrouded in mysterious terms like “DNS”, “modem”, and “IP address”. It can be a bit intimidating to try and fix without worrying that you’re either doing nothing or making the problem worse.
But no one likes mindlessly refreshing a webpage and hoping the WiFi fixes itself in the meantime, so in this guide, we’ll show you a few ways you can take matters into your own hands to find a solution.
Do You Know?
You can troubleshoot network connections in the office or at home with WiFi Explorer. It’s an awesome app that shows you what’s going on with your network and helps you fix it when needed. The app offers a range of extensive details about all your Mac networks in the vicinity, including their band, signal quality, range, security status etc.
Your Internet Service Provider (ISP) is what determines your maximum internet speed, but your usage at home is what ultimately determines how well your connection functions. Whatever your provider advertises is always going to be more than the rates you actually get, but you can always make adjustments on your end to get things running faster.
Bandwidth is not the same as Internet speed. The Internet speed is how fast data can travel on your network, whereas your bandwidth determines the volume of information that can travel at that speed. A larger amount of bandwidth means you can request more data at once, which will make your connection seem faster, but it’s not worth paying for if you don’t use your Mac for much beyond Facebook and email.
It’s important to connect to secure networks even if it means using a Virtual Private Network (VPN) or proxy. While it’s tempting to use the free coffee shop WiFi, the lack of protective password puts your computer at risk because malicious users can use the shared network and attempt to break in. If you must use one of these networks, a proxy or VPN can protect your computer by isolating it from the other connections.
Connection Problems
Issue 1: Physical router interference
Cause: A router sends electronic waves, but these can be impeded by thick walls or other large blockages such as a row of metal filing cabinets.
How to Fix: If your router is currently buried behind a file cabinet, in a closet, or otherwise awkwardly placed you should move it to a more open and central location. If your router is already in a fairly clear area, consider where you’re sitting. Can you minimize the amount of distance between you and the router, or otherwise move closer?
Alternatively, consider purchasing an extended if you can’t seem to move the router to a location without too much interference.
Issue 2: Neighborly router interference
Cause: As we said earlier, a router sends electronic waves. These waves occur at certain frequencies and can be interfered with by other electronic devices such as microwaves or your neighbor’s router.
How to Fix: Most routers come pre-calibrated to certain frequencies or contain software that helps them pick the best channel. You can manually change the channel though by following a few steps.
Step 1: Find out your router’s IP address. This is usually printed on the router, but you can also check in System Preferences > Network > Advanced > TCP/IP > Router;
Step 2: Copy the IP address into the address bar of your browser and hit enter. You’ll be directed to your router’s settings;
Step 3: Select the channel you want. Make sure to choose a channel 5 to 7 away from the original, since many frequencies overlap;
Step 4: Use Wireless Diagnostics to monitor which frequencies make the biggest difference in your wireless signal.
You can get open wireless diagnostics by navigating to Spotlight and then beginning to type “wireless diagnostics”. It should be the first option.
Openvpn Mac Download
Open the app and click “Continue” to start diagnosing.
Issue 3: MacBook Pro or router failure
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Pc
Cause: When there doesn’t seem to any conceivable reason your WiFi shouldn’t work, it’s not your fault. Sometimes the MacBook Pro, the router, or both experience an unexpected error that’s invisible to the eye and impossible to figure out exactly what went wrong.
How to Fix: Your best bet at solving this type of problem comes in two parts: your computer, and your router. Follow these steps:
Step 1: Turn off the wifi on your computer from the menu bar along the top;
Step 2: Turn off your router by physically disconnecting it (or pressing the power button if it has one) so that all the light turn off;
Step 3: Restart your MacBook from the Apple menu in the top left of the menu bar;
Step 4: Once your Mac has restarted, turn the router back on. You’ll need to wait 2-5 minutes for all of the lights to come on and for the signal to begin sending again
Step 5: Turn your Mac’s WiFi back on, and allow it to connect to the network.
While this method isn’t guaranteed to work every time, it often solves mysterious wireless issues and with a little luck, your problem is minor and will be resolved with a bit of restarting.
Problems Once Connected
Issue 4: WiFi connection is spotty
Cause: If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a million times: your router transmits waves, and when these are weak at your location, you’re going to have connection issues. In this case, you may have been able to connect to the network but now service is patchy at best. The cause is simple — you’re too far away for the frequency you’re trying to use.
How to Fix: There are two different ways you can fix this issue. First, move closer to the router if you can. This is the easiest way to attempt to solve the problem and maybe all you need to do.
The second way is to use a different frequency band than you normally would. By defaults, your router uses the 2.4GHz band, which is weaker than the 5GHz many router models have available. If your router supports 5GHz, you should switch to this instead- it usually appears as a different network in your WiFi list, with a “5GHz” or “5G” as part of the name.
For example:
If you have a large home, an extender might be a more practical solution. It will amplify the signal from your router so that it can reach the areas of your house that usually suffer from poor coverage.
Issue 5: WiFi connection is very slow
Cause: If things have suddenly slowed down, it’s highly likely you can point to another person to take the blame — someone else is eating up your bandwidth! Make sure to check your own computer first though, especially if you’re running multiple programs in the background.
How to Fix: The easiest way to figure out the culprit is by running a quick scan using Advanced Network Care, it’ll show you the connection speed issues found with your current network and fix it if needed. An alternative is a Wifi Explorer as we already mentioned above.
However, you can also fix that manually. Bandwidth refers to the volume of data that can be transmitted over your WiFi connection. Certain apps can require larger bandwidth and thus restrict the data available to everyone else.
If this occurs in your home, the first step is to check your own applications. The most common offenders are multiplayer video games, video-intensive apps, or files that are uploading and downloading. If your Mac isn’t running anything strenuous, then ask the others in the household if they are.
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Software
While you can’t get more bandwidth without paying for it, you can ask anyone on the network to limit which applications they use at one time. In the worst-case scenario, you’ll need to wait a few minutes while a download finishes or until the other person is done working.
Final Words
WiFi issues on Mac are among the most frustrating issues that can occur on your computer. They’re confusing, bothersome, and significantly slow your productivity. We hope the methods listed above help you resolve any issues you face.
Macbook Pro Openvpn Connect Download Windows 10
Do you use a different method to troubleshoot your wireless network? Tell us about it in the comments below!
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