Sometimes I am very gay and attracted to women, and that makes me question my ace-spec and aro-spec-ness, and then I remember that I can't feel romantic attraction to someone unless I know them really well and my sexual attraction is very hit or miss even when I'm not on mood-altering medications!

I want to talk a little bit about Daniel in the Interview with the Vampire show, because the new trailer material has me stuck thinking about him, and also I’ve never written about how meaningful he is as disabled character to me before.

I don’t see many people thinking about show!Daniel in these terms, but he’s a canon disabled character. And I think the way he is written is just SO good. The acerbic wit, his relationship to doctors and his medication, his rueful acceptance of the way his disability has changed him. It is all so correct!! It’s really incredibly rare to have not only a disabled character written this well but specifically a chronically ill character written this well. His illness is always present; it doesn’t get forgotten about by the story. It gives Daniel insight into the vampires (more on this in a min), but it also gives Louis and Armand leverage over him. When Louis triggers his Parkinson’s symptoms? Deeply not ok. But that’s what made it such a great scene, and really made Louis feel dangerous and threateningin that moment. Armand and Louis arranging Daniel’s meds is a sign of great care and also great power over Daniel. It’s the perfect way to communicate the complicated power dynamic in their relationship.

I also just fucking love that this show takes place in 2022 and doesn’t erase the pandemic. Covid is a very present concern for Daniel and I cannot describe how validating that is for me as someone who is clinically vulnerable to Covid and who has had to really limit my life and take a lot of precautions because everyone else has decided to stop caring whether they pass on Covid or not. The fact that Daniel gets on a plane to Dubai is a BIG DEAL. He’s risking his life to talk to Louis and Armand before he’s even in the room with them. He really wants to be there. I have to make a similar calculation every time I travel, and trust me, getting on that plane knowing getting sick could spiral you into even worse health or kill you is really hard.

I think making Daniel disabled and including the pandemic is kind of a genius level decision on a thematic level. Of course Daniel is now facing down his mortality, which gives him a whole new lens on the vampires and the fact that he once asked them to turn him. And the pandemic further highlights his fragility, and is also possibly being used as a cover for drama that’s happening in the vampire world. But I think it also really sets Daniel up as a foil to Louis.

There’s a lot of analysis of the vampire chronicles that reads vampirism as a metaphor for queerness. But I would actually propose that it’s a much neater parallel for disability and illness in a lot of ways. So many of Louis’s initial experiences after being turned resonated with me, as someone who became chronically ill in my 20s. My appetite and relationship to food completely changed, much like Louis. My relationship with the outdoors and the sun changed, because of dysautonomia and allergy reasons. I was very mad, and very depressed, and I too have missed out on birthday parties and big life events like Louis did because I was too sick to go. Hell, you can even say that the way that Louis is treated as evil by his family, that the way vampires literally can’t be a part of society during the day, is reminiscent of ableist exclusion and ugly laws. (Ugly laws were laws that forbid disabled people, especially those with visible differences, from being out in public, and they were on the books in many American municipalities until the 1970s.) You can look at Lestat being an out and proud vampire in the first few episodes on the season and imploring Louis to leave his shame behind as a queer thing, but you can also view it as a disabled thing. Disabled people are portrayed as monstrous so often (and in a way that has gone relatively unexamined compared to say, the queer coded villain trope) that sometimes it’s just easier to embrace that label: I’m the monstrous Crip, but at least I’m not ashamed of or disgusted by who I am anymore.

I do think the real strength of this adaptation is that while you can find parallels between queerness or disability or other forms of marginalization with vampirism, ultimately it’s not a one-to-one parallel. It speaks to the real world but ultimately it is a gothic horror story about supernatural monsters. So I don’t mean to say that vampirism directly equals disability, because it does not. But I do think that making Daniel disabled was an intentional choice to help draw out some of those parallels, and I think the text is richer for it.

So Louis and Daniel have had these kind of parallel experiences of uncontrollable and difficult things happening to their bodies. It sets them up perfectly as foils, and even, I would argue, as the A plot and B Plot protagonists. This is one of my favorite ways of kind of examining the structure of a TV show (or maybe it’s that most of my favorite shows seem to be structured this way?). When TV was all episodic, it would be common to refer to the A plot (mystery of the week), B plot (interpersonal drama happening as the mystery gets solved) and C plot (any overarching plot tying the season together) in an episode. Now that stuff is serialized, there’s often a main protagonist, who has the main dramatic question and the most agency, and then there is often a secondary B plot that explores similar themes and mirrors the A plot, or presents a second main character who is the ldifferent side of the same coin” to the main protagonist. (My favorite example of this is Flint and Max in Black Sails, and I’ve also made the argument that Wilhelm and Sara fit this pattern in Young Royals.) In IwtV, Louis is obviously the main protagonist of the show, especially in the A Plot, which is the stuff taking place in New Orleans/Paris. But I would argue that Daniel is the protagonist of the B Plot set in Dubai. At the very least they’re intentionally set up as mirrors of each other:

They are both unreliable narrators, who are struggling with the way memory contorts (through memory erasure, illness, deliberate obfuscations, and just the passage of time). The most recent teaser trailer, where we hear Louis saying “I don’t remember that”, with panic in his voice, further underlined this similarity between Louis and Daniel to me. I don’t know if it means that Louis has also had his memory tampered with, as I’m assuming Daniel has, but I do think it means that Louis is going to be struggling with feeling out of control of his own narrative more in season 2, a thing that was already starting for Daniel in season 1.

They are also both locked into power struggles with people more powerful than they are. The fact that Louis is under Lestat in the flashbacks and above Daniel in the Dubai scenes in terms of power/status makes it all the more interesting. And, if we want to go ahead and assume that the Devils Minion’s years have happened in the past by the time we get to Dubai— it’s possible that both Daniel and Louis are united in being the less powerful partner in their own respective fucked up gothic romances.

They’re also both the audience’s entry point into their respective stories. Louis’s narration guides us into the world of vampires. Daniel’s questioning satisfies our human curiosity in Dubai.

I think one of the things that makes the show so special is the way that these two protagonists interact. In a lot of shows the a plot and the b plot stay pretty separate. I love talking about Black Sails for this because I think it’s such a good example; Flint and Max never exchange dialogue the entire show, even though they’re so clearly affecting each other the whole time. But the way that Louis and Daniel clash in Dubai is so exciting. We see them both wrestling for control of the narrative. It’s thrilling to watch and it just hammers home the theme of how complicated and changeable stories can be.

I am SO excited to see how the Dubai scenes play out in season 2 because of it. I really can’t wait. I’m really hoping we’ll see Daniel and Louis’s relationship evolve in surprising ways, and I’m holding my breath that we’ll get a lot of Armandaniel material to work with. (I have a whole other post drafted that’s much less smart than this one and is just me waxing poetic about Devil Minion’s theories which I may post at some point. You have been warned.)

I do have two wishes for Daniel in the new season, and they’re 1: that he gets to have romance/sex, because disabled (and older!) characters are so often seen as unworthy of being desired, and I would like to see that challenged and 2: that he continues to refuse to be turned/is not offered a vampiric cure for Parkinson’s. The magic cure for a disability or chronic illness is probably my least favorite disability trope, because it serves to erase disabled characters and representation from the narrative, and I want to see my experiences continue to be reflected in Daniel’s. That means that whatever ending Daniel’s story has will probably have at least a bit of tragedy baked into it, but I’m ok with that.

I like how anon makes it sound like you said pedophilia was okay when what you said was you didn't care what people write about fictional characters. Amazing

so what's being employed there is an extremely common tactic used by people trying to make their opposition sound like they're doing something that no reasonable person would agree with. accusations of pedophilia are extremely popular for this, since it's an issue that most people, understandably, are extremely opposed to and disgusted by, and very few people want to publicly label themselves as "guy who thinks pedophilia is fine." it's a tactic designed to put people on the defensive and (ideally) isolate them from potential support, which fortunately doesn't work on me because I'm not apologizing for something that wasn't wrong and I don't care who on this hellsite likes me.

it's the motivation behind the right's recently rekindled (although never entirely vanished) obsession with portraying trans people and drag performers, other queer people, and queer-friendly educators generally, as groomers who want to give children forbidden knowledge about sex that their parents don't approve of.

in the particular instance you're referencing, re: my anon, people will level accusations of "pedophilia" at fiction depicting anything from an adult sexually assaulting a child to two teenagers consensually having sex to someone in their 20s consensually hooking up with someone in their 40s. only one of those things - the first - is actually a depiction of pedophilia, and all three are things that people are perfectly allowed to write about without having to go before a tribunal to prove that their intentions are pure. it's also just fucking baffling to me that this is only applied to depictions of sex; if you assumed that every fictional depiction of murder or violence is an admission of actual desire to do such thing, writers would be getting rounded up in droves.

this hardly needs to be said, but: yes, I do find ring cameras - surveillance technology owned by a deeply evil megacorporation that abuses the rights of its employees and freely turns over camera footage to police - more objectionable than Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower or Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita or Alissa Nutting's Tampa or any other fictional depictions of sex, because a book doesn't harm anyone and surveillance state police collusion does.

as someone lucky enough to teach youth sex education, with sessions focused especially on media literacy, teaching the self-advocacy skills to recognize potentially unsafe situations and the right to tell adults no, and emphasizing bodily autonomy, the entire thing is exhausting. which is the point, they very much want you to get so tired that you just stop saying anything, but once again I am an insane bitch who thrives on negativity so I shan't be stopping any time soon.

People on this site keep talking about how social media has become more prudish and anti-sex, but I kinda wonder if that's just because you're sharing space with 15 year olds? Like do you think adults are actually anti kink and anti sex in movies etc, or are there just a bunch of (understandably) squeamish teenagers with a platform who will probably grow out of it?

I think about this a lot and have a few converging theories.

-Like you said, teenagers. Being squeamish about sex as a teenager is normal, but excessively projecting that outward instead of treating it as a "me problem" is abnormal. I think a lot of this comes down to the state of online behavior and the factors that shaped it.

-Internet moderation. The crackdown on sex work, nudity, or even in TikTok's case swearing, to appease advertisers. Tumblr's porn ban the most notorious example, and it caused a lot of people to migrate their discourse from a blogging platform with hyperlinks and no character limits to 140 character tweets and one minute videos.

-Everyone is radical and nobody is. ACAB is just a catchy slogan, every corporate PR department has something to say about "uplifting BIPOC voices," and kids who love to tweet about how "Stonewall was a riot" will call the cops on you if you wear a harness. I'm being slightly hyperbolic, but I think much of today's radicalism comes down to aesthetics and branding. It requires no real examination of biases and mechanisms of control. You can dress up even downright reactionary takes in progressive language and be applauded for it.

-The noble cause of Me Too and its weird mutations. It's understandable. If you read about how women in film are treated, I can understand why you'd have reservations about sex scenes. Then again, this doesn't account for "it's gross" and "it doesn't advance the plot." I know we don't want to hear "has Me Too gone too far," and I don't believe that, but am I wrong to also wonder if people arguing about the "power dynamics" of couples in slightly different stages of their 20's are feeding into something sinister?

-Sex positivity is cringe now. So is polyamory, kink, or any non-normative relationships or pleasure. Couldn't tell you why, but I can tell you the internet is full of TERFs and other reactionaries and the joyless, gullible people who listen to them.

-Queer assimilation. This sounds like an oxymoron, but I think the label of "queer" is going through the same identity crisis now that "gay" went through first. We're seeing a new vision of queerness that is fluffy, neutered, de-clawed, and flying off the shelves. If you grew up with "love is love," you don't have to relate to the seedy counterculture of yesteryear, but you don't have to snub your nose at it either.

I do think some of these people will grow out of it. I did, at least. I want to say none of this matters, that it's just online behavior, but everyone is so online these days that it's hard to draw these lines. TERFs, for instance, are some of the most miserable, online people on the planet, yet their real-world impact is undeniable. So many right wing movements are driven by simple outrage and disgust. This has all been very gloomy, so if you want to talk solutions: live your life and live it loudly. Encourage people to live with a healthy amount of discomfort or mind their own business. Everyone talks about growing up like it's just about stress or responsibility, but growing up can also mean no longer caring about things that used to bother you. It's fun! Everyone ought to try it.

Random question, but do you (or does anyone following you) sometimes get sad to see campaigns created to combat queerphobia, but they never talk about anything outside of the big 4? I found out today is “International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia” and while I’m so very happy that things like this exist at all, I had a momentary flash of sadness at the realization that anyone who isn’t gay/lesbian, trans or bi is likely going to be left out of the conversation. And that happens to me pretty often.

I always feel guilty for it, because I know it’s important for these things to exist at all. I’m happy to see them existing! I’m happy to see so many people show support of the lgbt+ community, whether they’re a part of it or just allying with us. I love seeing that always regardless of the cause! But sometimes it is just… disheartening to see that pansexuality is never included in these discussions. And if a pan person tries to join, they’re labeled as -phobic and attention seeking or told they’re derailing.

In the case of today, I do understand why it’s not about us. And I know we have plenty of community-made days to celebrate all identities in the community, and I love that too!! But. Idk. Sometimes I just get a little sad knowing we’re not really included in the big stuff. It’s like, no wonder people don’t care about us. They don’t know about us! And when they learn, odds are they’re hearing about us from panphobic resources, so then they hate us. It just sucks.

honestly, it’s not that days like this aren’t about us, it’s that most people think homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia cover everything.

in the case of international day against homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia, it wasn’t originally called that. it was originally international day against homophobia in 2005. transphobia was added to the name in 2009. biphobia was added in 2015.

and this is true of a lot of names of organizations and events. for example:

the national lgbtq task force was originally the national gay task force in the ’70s, then lesbian was added in the ’80s, and now it’s lgbtq.

the lgbtq+ victory fund was originally the gay and lesbian victory fund in the ’90s, it changed to the lgbtq victory fund in 2018, and this year the plus sign was added.

the glbt historical society was originally gay and lesbian in the ’80s-'90s and changed to its current name in the late ’90s.

the bay area bisexual network was founded in the ’80s and changed their name in 2019 to the bay area bi+ and pan network.

in ’93, bisexuals campaigned to be included in the name of the march on washington, which since the ’70s only included gay and lesbian

lgbt history month was originally gay and lesbian history month in the ’90s

pride month in the ’90s-’00s was gay and lesbian pride month, ’00s-’10s it was lgbt pride month, and in ’10s-’20s lgbtq+ pride month (this is based off government recognition of the month, there have been too many names for pride days/parades/month to list here)

even lgbtqia+ was originally just gay, then gay and lesbian, lgb in the ’80s, and lgbt in the late ’80s-’90s. and all the other variations followed.

so it’s pretty shitty that the people who make pan folks feel bad or guilty for wanting to be included and say we’re derailing had to advocate for their own inclusion in the first place. if they can campaign for language that includes them, why can’t we? why is it “this isn’t meant to include you” for us, but with others it’s “this should include you”? and if all these events and organizations can update their names/titles once or even more than once to reflect the evolving nature of our community and language, why couldn’t they do it again?

all this to say, you are definitely not alone in feeling sad or bothered by general queer things not mentioning or including anyone beyond the main four. and most importantly, you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty about wanting to be included things like this, and you definitely shouldn’t believe the idea that general queer things (such as idahtab) just aren’t for you. speaking about things like this is what gets language updated, as shown. so, keep speaking up about it (if you’re comfortable doing so, of course), who knows what changes could be made in the future?

So I have more thoughts about labels. Yeah yeah, no one cares, I’m talking to myself here, please save your tomatoes and bricks. (Writing down my thoughts helps me stop overthinking things, like “I did something with this so now my brain will let me be free,” I treat this like a diary etc etc) (I’ve always been A Blogger haha). My disclaimer is always that Simon not labelling and not knowing himself is important and cool (I approach my own identity like that, I’m not super big on labels). 

When I first read these books last year, I did it as a casual reader. I looked at fanarts and some discussions between books (which I read pretty quickly). It actually made me think Simon Snow being bisexual was canon! so I was pretty shocked when I first read the scene discussing bisexuality. It almost made me feel like I was reading a direct answer to what turned out to be headcanon and... it wasn’t a yes. (so freaking popular that it apparently still has strength in certain parts of the fandom? as someone who grew up believing I was straight, and picked bisexuality as my first step into embracing my queerness – I now know I’m also somewhere in the acespec and honestly? Simon helped me accept that – Simon’s reactions alone would be enough for me to never want to call him bi again haha his gut reaction was “hell no, what are you talking about??”). Nowadays I’ll insist Simon Snow is a gay man who struggles but who slowly comes to terms with it (it’s a small part, but we can’t ignore that Simon found himself wondering “am I legally allowed to kiss Baz in this state?” that’s heavy stuff) and that the writing in these books is very acespec friendly. 

Reading My Rosebud Boy (an AU where the author tries to make them feel like the same people) makes me more confident that I’m not just seeing shit in the main trilogy. Simon in his early thirties explicitly says “yeah I’m gay, I used to have an issue with that (in his teenage years, when he dates girls, and maybe early 20s) but I’m cool with it now” (only dating men as an adult). I think we can find that sentiment in the trilogy. In Simon’s questions about women (“mayhaps I was never attracted to women in the first place” he says, while staring at the distant boobs, after not noticing boobs that were on his face or literally never in his life) (Baz having “a problem” with boobs while Simon doesn’t is not about Baz being gay while Simon isn’t. It’s about Baz, living in fear that Simon doesn’t want him anymore after spending his entire adolescence believing he’s straight, worrying that Simon would be into the boobs, and on that deeper level, that Simon would leave him. Note that every mild ass comment Simon makes about a girl being “cute” puts a focus on Baz's reaction. It’s more about Baz’s insecurities! And what we have is writing choices that make it so the timing of boobs being almost on Simon’s arms has Simon looking sick and green – a hell of a choice to not do it on purpose – Simon not even looking, Simon focusing only on the food, Simon thinking “maybe not for me and I don’t know what I am, but if a lady wants to show off her tits, why would I object?” While considering he might only be into Baz) (maybe his thoughts are also big tit solidarity. Ha.)  

I think the popularity of bisexual Simon could start with a misunderstanding of his feelings for Agatha. I have written lots of posts on why the “inanimate objects” comment about her is overcompensation and deliberately silly (inanimate objects don’t have feelings, don’t have wants and desires, don’t have choices) and equating the way he sees she’s pretty to the way Baz, a gay man can see it, etc etc. Him saying “I always wanted her” and then proceeding to make comments that indicates he wants to be like her, not that he desires her, but people interpreting the latter because well, boy and girl. Which takes me to the other reason I think this took off: media tropes and general assumptions. But media tropes and assumptions outside of the books. Like reading “maybe I’m half gay” and your mind instantly goes to “ah shit, here we go again” because how many of us have seen bisexuality described that way? Like it’s mathematical? A perfect 50/50 every single time? How many of us have been frustrated at reading sexuality struggles in media that has you like “this would be so much easier for y’all if you consider bisexuality is a thing that exists, that it’s fluid and can vary from bisexual to bisexual” etc etc. I’d bet this played into the reviewers I’ve seen writing off CO as bi erasure. But I don’t think this is on the books. It’s not what they were going for. I think this is on the reader. 

I include his comments about other girls here. “She’s cute” “she’s beautiful” so are kittens and flowers. I understand that someone horny can use “cute” when they’re attracted, but within the parameters of these specific books, I think it’s a stretch to see it that way. Attraction in these books can be measured in: repetition, hyper-fixation (on details no one else notice) and derailed thoughts (they go insane over it!). Shepard says Penny is cute! But note that he doesn’t says it and moves on. Oh no, Shepard has a whole fucking meltdown because Penny is cute. You would never think about Penny’s knees if it wasn’t for Shepard. It drives him insane that Penny is cute. He can’t cope! Cute, cute, cute. Repetition. Cute knees. Hyper-fixation. Derailed thoughts. Simon doesn’t linger on those comments. Baz also calls girls beautiful and gorgeous. Neither of them lingers on that. For Simon, All Horny Roads lead to Baz (even in my rosebud boy! yes I can write that post goddammit). I also think there might be some projecting in the sense that a reader can see the how horny he can be around Baz and project that into him, even when he just said “cute” and moved on immediately.

It also picks my attention that a common bullshit regarding bi erasure in media (looking at you, old trashy... guilty pleasure manga) is having the MC being all “I’m not gay!! I'm only about [male love interest]’s dick and that’s that” and maybe even putting on his clown shoes to insist he’s totally straight and totally only likes women. Or this would come in the character being asked questions about men in general or just called gay (so... much to unpack in those stories... I used to blog about old manga. Fun times). Simon doesn’t consider men in general (already telling). He considers women when he’s like “yeah... maybe not for me... i don’t know” and upon getting close to see the answer is maybe a nope, he goes to a place that gives him security: being a certified Baz-fucker. And the biggest thing that doesn’t play into those tropes or ideas or assumptions? Simon never thought he was straight. The mere suggestion irritates him. 

I wrote some posts about that, but I’m too lazy to search for it. It’s clearly lazy saturday (I also wrote too many fucking posts so linking starts to feel like work haha) The summary: Simon never thought about his sexuality at all, the repression of his desires and his crazy magic (can't get worked up without danger of going off) make it unlikely he’s ever even masturbated (using other outlets like practicing with his sword/jumping Baz to fight to work off some steam haha), his rejection of bisexuality (because he does reject it! Especially notable because it would have been “the easy” answer for him, the maybe more comfortable, and yet it inspires nothing but discomfort! and when he opens himself more to consider it, he’s still leaning more to the negative, he still always goes back to “gay” and never once to consider “bisexuality” — and putting 2 and 2 together, about Simon having a knee-jerk rejection of his relationship with Agatha being understood as sexual attraction, or him being seen as a woman-fucker. It’s Baz insisting that Simon must have liked/being attracted to her what frustrates and bothers Simon and pushes him enough to process in real time that the answer is no. It’s wild to me to read him saying “what I liked about her is that she awoke absolutely nothing in me,” which he demonstrates with his thoughts, and then still seeing the argument that he ever had a single horny feeling for her). 

I think that something that also complicates it is the negative idea that being bisexual is not good enough. Not gay enough. Not straight enough. We belong nowhere. Our validity is questioned every single fucking minute. The idea that bisexual Simon is contested because “that’s not good enough.” But I don’t think that’s it here. I don’t think that’s the intent of the books, or the people who have been seeing Agatha and Simon as lesbian and gay so far into the closet they don’t even know they’re there from day one (or mine!) 

I respect the author always replying “I don’t think Simon knows!” when directly asked if he’s bisexual, because it honors his struggles and journeys, but I also think the answer is on the page. I think Simon’s journey there is both about not feeling pressured to define himself, that he’s allowed to live and love without picking an exact word or a flag to fly at pride, and also about becoming comfortable being gay. He goes from “I’m not even remotely ready to think whether I’m gay” to “if we’re not safe to be gay in ikea, where would we be?”/"gets off with gay PSA with Baz” to “I’m totally gay for all intents and purposes” – there’s a progression. There’s growth and acceptance. And it’s always around the word “gay” (not as an umbrella term) and never anything else: not straight, not bi. Not even when it’s offered as a reasonable alternative. 

I hate to defend men but uh. Sometimes when I (bi butch transmasc) am in sapphic or afab dominant spaces/around other xlw queer ppl the misandry gets a little out there and then they hit me with the "don't worry tho when I'm talking about men I don't mean *you* you're different" right after spending like 20 minutes saying some of the most objectifying and dehumanizing blanket degrading statements about not just men but ppl who are attracted to men?? And it's never about any of the actual toxic masculinity or dangerous gender roles they're quickly brushing past to just dunk on men as a category.

Like yea sure I'm not a cis guy but it's weird to me that you're drawing arbitrary lines in the sand that divide the human population between morally pure genders and morally corrupt genders. I think you have a problem

Editing this so no one gets the wrong idea: the point of this post is that trying to assign morality based on gender identity is literally how TERFs target transfems and to a much lesser extent transmascs. Transwomen, transfems, and amab non-binary people are actively harmed by this kind of arbitrary line drawing because it legitimizes the TERF idea that there is a valid reason to be suspicious of someone based on their gender. TERFs don't care how you identify, they're bioessentialists. Validating their belief that one gender is inherently more trustworthy or morally upright than another just opens the door for them to try and claim that someone belongs in the "bad" category because of "biology". The vilification of masculinity has been used over and over again against queer folks even by other queer folks. Transfems and sapphics are almost always on the receiving end. The point of queer liberation is to decouple ourselves from cis het ideologies about "masc strong and violent and scary, fem weak and helpless and innocent" the latter is easily more visible because feminism really shines a spotlight on it. Femininity, regardless of its wearer, is ascribed traditionally as weakness, and feminism seeks to combat that stereotype. On the other hand though Masculinity is getting the opposite treatment and while there is certainly not as much stigma around masculinity the idea that femininity can be decoupled from gender roles while masculinity must remain rigid basically just gives terfs, racists, and anyone else who wants to find a way to put ppl down a new box to throw folks at. Allowing masculinity to become an innately oppositional identity means throwing a lot of people under the bus whether or not they choose to identify with it. Anyone that straddles eurocentric gender lines is at risk. The point here is not "oh no men oppressed" the point is that in seeking our own liberation from labels and tradition we shouldn't put someone else further back into that box because the existence of the box means there's somewhere for bigots hiding behind our communities to try and dispose of members they don't like.

You want to escape the meat grinder? Great. Now get rid of rhe meat grinder all together so no one uses it while you're not looking. And maybe don't throw other people into it while you're escaping.

TL;DR: Demonize the patriarchy, not the masculine.

It's kind of a sad statement of the LGBTQ community's fakeness and digital structure online when the only person I've been able to openly talk out my trans bullshit with is my het dude military buddy, and trust me, what I rage about would get me hung online by people with agendas, but I have a feeling they're things other old queer people sit on while we stare at this digital shithole making us all look like clowns.

On the other hand, it's particularly affirming when the same issues I deal with are things that set him off on Manrants.

Like listen, I already had to accept the terrible string of "i am a straight man" in order. Like man, do you know how long i clung to he/him lesbian and just avoided talking about what I can only call Phallic Issues?

Cuz there's not even anywhere to talk about it. For one it's difficult and often inappropriate and for two, a bunch of digital goblins that aren't looking to Pass As A Life They Live, but rather Stick Out In Digital Arguments With A Rainbow Label have made this fucking conversation ungoddamn navigable to the people it was actually originally about. There's some bored person with 2.5 kids who's husband still hasn't found their clit trying to figure out their sexuality coming in fucking up literal like neuroscience and other dialogue because, how dare the *straight man be here at all, much less like, talk about sexual shit. People can't do that, that's illegal.

So where am I left going? Literally to my dudebros, that say all kinds of shit I generally don't even agree with politically, but they're the only motherfuckers who haven't set up so many fake social justice fences based on their own personal garbage comfort demands so I can literally go, no. Can you believe these dipshits want me to explain like they're five what happens inside a man's head?

And they be like nah man that's a trap the second you breathe a word about it you're cancelled.

Yeah, no shit.

Honestly I'm tired of so many things. I mentioned recently that coming out as a trans straight guy is a trap. You're man enough to be the token straight punching bag, but not enough for your perspective to be considered in conversations, without being grilled to justify Basic Truths until you have to say some shit someone can act offended about. And boy are the terfs pissed and happy to blow them dogwhistles on us

God i'm tired

it's not the gamerdudes on reddit driving up the trans suicide rate. it's you assholes. They genuinely Do Not Care if you identify as attack helicopters. They don't. They don't care I'm a dude. They were basically like yeah what about it you've always been dudegirl that's whatever dude. It's this digital shithole that turns it into a whole goddamn ceremony fused with astrophysics.

I'd rather hang out with dudes I've known for 20 years that occasionally fuck up a pronoun by force of habit and actually laugh at how it looks/sounds now, than deal with you assholes acting like i skinned your child because I didn't read a 3 page Carrd about your narcissism or people who decide every convo is a chance to proselytize their own personal label's struggle.

And that says nothing about the fact that people have set up this conversation so we can't even address that YES, THERE ARE FAKERS. Are trans people dangerous, no. Are narcissists that can play boggle with gender arguments dangerous? Yes.

Think about 2po. I still call him him, because his friends, like his pal snotrag that doxxed my friend with him, even still calls him pat. But see, when he went viral as a proven fail and everybody was talking about pat, suddenly, pat had a gender discovery and was they/them will. Nevermind the more masculine name and that the person was initially a cis man, I guess they had a deep come to jesus moment and deeply identified as the Fail Gender. I guess that script blast was so hard it knocked the he/him right off of them. Considering the pepe memes his buddy uses, I wouldn't be surprised if 2po logs onto his personal to psot attack helicopter jokes and laugh at this godforsaken shithole.

(That's not to say all they/them nb is invalid either before some titanic dickhead proves the real point of this whole post and the need to add constant asterisks to avoid some shitheaded bored kid seeking attention starting a fight)

People only make the bad, dead, beat out joke at our expense because of the people that make us look like fucking comedy with their weird bullshit. Stop it.

But sure keep hyper obsessively segregating us into microlabels and pretending it's helping trans people or breaking down gender roles or what the fuck ever.

Yeah them microlabels are decent ways to describe facets of human sexual potential, and can/should be tools to help you sort your head out. But my bio shouldn't have to look like an ingredient label on processed food to engage in this conversation. It's not fucking complicated, Karen. If you have to do that many goddamn backflips to argue your way into this conversation maybe stay the fuck out of it.

Just because it's true that you don't need active dysphoria to be trans (and sometimes almost have Triggers specific to things like, I dunno, sexuality) doesn't mean it gets to be the jungle gym of every fucking teenager on the internet trying to figure out their general identity, and stop trying to call my still untransitioned trans ass a terf or a truscum for it, you fucking terfs. Stop flipping this shit around.

Literally if you look at twitter/tumblr, 50% of the world is trans. And while that's a charming thought for a dialogue about the repressed minority or the truth of Gender or whatever the fuck, in the real world, less than 1% identify, and those of us that exist in real world queer spaces might GENEROUSLY estimate maybe 5%? like cap? If I took 95% of you motherfuckers, unplugged your internet and dropped you in the Appalachians, you probably wouldn't be trans or care about trans issues by the time you stumbled out. But that's the life some of us have actually been through, so stop shitting on the mountain trail, it's rough enough out here.

Most of you are logging off to your 2.5 kids and husband anyway. Don't call me a biphobe for it. By all means sweetie go figure your shit out, fuck up and out whatever storm with whomever you want, go figure out your bullshit, but stop trying to make your bullshit the communal bullshit. We fucking get it. You got to the party late and your shit still has you uncomfortable. Stop trying to take over the fucking party, your music choice sucks. Back to the hetero world with you.

But most of you never will. You're never gonna pursue it. You're just gonna fuck around in our conversation to try to actually make it to conform to you, which somehow always makes the hets and terfs the dominant force on this conversation under all the screaming noise. You won't LET it impact your lives the way it has those that have lived experiences, you try to make US clean up and sterilize OURS. Lived experiences also doesn't mean Have Already Fucked And Found Out, and if you even thought that argument, disqualify yourself from ever speaking on this again, because you clearly aren't even vaguely in touch with the queer experience, you're in touch with the Seeking A Place To Belong experience. It's adjacent, but not the same.

Realistically, 99% of the supposed digital queer community are, at best, Questioning, and using digital personas to fuck around and find out. The fucking LGBTQ conversation has been just. utterly hijacked and clowned unto itself by people Questioning, but not willing to ask the hard parts, and demand those uncomfy parts stay away from their LARP.

Hard pass.

My husband wondering why I’m on my phone at 3am typing away: …What if she’s talking to other guys?

Me in my iPhone notes:

—-

How lgbt+ friendly are Stardew Valley folks anyway? A breakdown of suspected character philosophies:

—

Objectively homophobic, repeats shitty takes on “woke culture” they heard on a podcast: Pam, Alex

Tries to debate biological sex but only cites sources 20+ years out of date: Gunther

Straight until further notice, gets your pronouns right but still calls you ugly to your face: Haley

Accidentally homophobic, but gets too defensive to learn from it: Clint

Trans and living her best life: Sandy

Also trans, has some serious work to do on himself: Shane

Educates you on ten different cultures’ worth of ideas on gender and sexuality from his travels but never talks about himself: Linus

Has enjoyed many whirlwind romances in his life and claims it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re enjoying the adventure: Professor Snail

Doesn’t have a problem with gay people but still insists they just didn’t “have those” in his day: George

Doesn’t understand what the big deal is, claims everyone knows women are just more attractive. Thinks it would be neat to live with your bff 24/7. Keeps a framed picture of her best friend on her nightstand: Evelyn

Desperately wants to be bisexual for the aesthetic, but she’s just an awkward ally—still wears a lot of rainbows and a she/her pronoun pin at work: Emily

Pansexual, but only likes you if you own a sword (WILL critique how you hold it): Abigail

Queer bffs club, everyone’s tried to date at some point but they’re not really compatible with each other or anyone else in town, so they just meet up and talk shit at the saloon: Elliot, Leah, Penny

Undecided, too busy working and being edgy to care much anyway: Sebastian

Straight, genuinely invested in getting your pronouns right—honestly one of the safest bets in town if he can get out of his parents’ house: Sam

Starts the local Gay-Straight Alliance chapter the minute Sam starts wearing nail polish. Still learning but means well: Jodi

Trying to be supportive of whatever, secretly scared Sebastian is making his son gay: Kent

Devout Yoba follower who claims to welcome everyone but definitely has Opinions despite needing a literal she-shed to escape the mundanities of her own hetero marriage: Caroline

Flies rainbow flags everywhere in June, but only to capitalize on profits: Pierre

Gay but still a shitty person, votes conservative: Morris

Kissed a guy in college but pretty sure it isn’t for him, reminds you to get tested regularly and always use protection no matter who you’re with: Harvey

Gray ace, exclusively reads queer monsterfucker fanfic and scientific journals, might consider a relationship with the right person/machine: Maru

Bisexual, needs marriage counseling in a bad way: Robin

Asexual/aromantic, self-therapized into that realization late in life but hasn’t ever discussed how that might affect, you know, his wife: Demetrius

Emotional support straight/designated mom friend: Marnie

Not gay but supportive, does a lot of extracurricular reading to support Marnie and Shane: Mayor Lewis

Husbands of 20+ years: Gil and Marlon

Former leather club gods, occasional hookups with Gil and Marlon: Willy, Grandpa

Owned the leather club, may or may not have participated: Gus

Reproduces asexually so can’t comprehend the conversation: Dwarf

Non-binary king: Krobus

Love is love, and that’s all she has to say about that: Birdie

Doesn’t really do labels, only requirement is that you’re into smooth jazz: The Bouncer

Somehow transcended gender and achieved true peace, but is gatekeeping the secret: Mr. Qi

Just here for the soup: The Governor

I don't really like making vent posts but I just feel the need to talk about it

Warning for misgendering and dysphoria, if that might make you uncomfortable

A supposed friend has been getting on my nerves (not anyone who may read this, this "friend" may use this site, but has no idea what my url is) a lot lately and I'm getting really frustrated and tired

He started off as just a friend of my brother, and then eventually he became my friend somewhat. We'd all hang out, and I came out to him as queer (both that I'm bigender and bi/aroacespec) because of a question he asked and I decided to be a funnyman about it. Even told him I have a girlfriend (Liz if you see this hihiii I had so much fun watching Dungeon Meshi with you mwah!!! ♡) and he was chill with it (we live in a small, very conservative town), and he even admitted he's attracted to feminine men. Cool. Swag. Me too, buddy

Like 3 days after I told him I have a girlfriend, he admits that he has a crush on me and asks if we could ever work out. No... I have a girlfriend. I'm not interested in you, I see you as a bro. And I am definitely not what he is looking for (when the three of us have discussed the future, he stated that he is a huge family man and wants kids. Multiple. I do not even want one child because I struggle to take care of myself and am not physically, mentally, and emotionally able to raise a child, now and far into the future). He accepts that on call. And then like half an hour later I receive a massive wall of text apologizing and groveling and then a call the next day asking again if there's even a chance and I shoot him down again. And that's the end of it. He respects my answer and moves on. Whilst still a shitty thing to do, he grew up in a specific culture that encourages that and whatnot, so I'm glad that he now actually views me as a bro

He's a cisgender guy and for the most part, Identities as heterosexual (sometimes he uses another label that is queer but not a whole lot), and he's pretty repressed, but I've seen him make steps towards improving. Since the town we're in is so small, my brother and I are some of the few friends he has, all the others are either old people who stick to these toxic standards or people who want to be gangsters. I know that there's gonna be bumps in the road, but he's been trying to improve...

...in all areas but one

Again, I told him I'm bigender and to use it/its for me around people who know (him and my brother)

And he never has

Not only that, but I haven't gone by my legal name since I was 7 years old, before I even knew not being a girl was an option for me, I felt more connected to my name (which sounds more androgynous) instead of my legal one, but I started using it since before I could even talk. My brother gave me my name and I can't see myself with any other name.

Despite this, this guy has a 30% chance to call me my legal name at any given moment, a 10% chance to call me by my middle name(? HUH???) which is also pretty feminine, a 40% chance to refer to me by "Ms [legal/middle/last name]", and a 20% chance to use my preferred name. There's also occasionally calling me "little lady" or by an online alias in front of people which I told him not to do, keeping my online and real lives separated due to fear of my family learning of my gender identity and other things they wouldn't be too happy about. He also uses my name way more often in sentences than other people would (luckily doesn't just apply to me, and my brother gets the middle name treatment as well)

I've tried to nudge him the right way, with a "we're friends, we don't need to be formal" or no response until I am called my preferred name, even saying "hey don't call me those names", but I'm tired. I've been fine with being viewed as feminine (hell, I see myself as cutely fem in an androgynous way), being called "Ms [last/preferred name]", but in moderation. This is constant and more often than occasionally calling the doctor's office to get a prescription refill or registering for a program where, due to paperwork, they use my legal name. I used to be fine with she/her pronouns used by people close to me, but now I'm not even sure if I want to use them anymore or any feminine titles because they feel so wrong and constricting

So when he did it again tonight, I told him, again, in WRITING, to stop

This fucking sucks. First he says that he's fine I'm bigender and supports me, but as soon as I am tired of the misgendering (whether he forgets (he does have adhd and sometimes tries to repeat conversations from the day before which I get but. Come on. My name. You know not to use my middle name which isn't even common info, you just heard my name story from my mom) or does it intentionally, idk) he is all "I can't believe that stuff" like. Hello???

If I cut him out or get angry, my mom will know something's up, and I can't tell her why because that involves telling her of my gender identity, and while she might accept that I'm bi, she is lowkey transphobic and doesn't even thing nonbinary Identities are real. So I'm stuck, left getting more frustrated until something else happens. I can only hope my wishes are respected for once

If you don't have homemade dysphoria, friend induced is fine

You can ignore this ask if im bothering, but whats your minor policy here? Like, can minors only not interact with the nsfw posts or not at all?

The short answer:

Sfw = ✅✅✅✅✅ minors can interact

Nsfw = 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫 minors shouldn't interact

Welcome to my kingdom, anon!!!!!!! 😊

The long answer for people who like essays:

Note: I'm going to use this as a FAQ so the "you" I'm referring to is the General You and not anon.

“Do you mind if your work gets seen by minors?” Is actually a question I’ve been asked a lot because I write and draw saucy works and the accountability has seemingly been shifted from legal guardians onto randoms like me. They say it takes a village to raise a child after all. This leads easily into the subjects of censorship, human sexuality, responsibility in the digital age, parasocial boundaries, society and individuality, proliferation of paywalls that rope off the internet and free flow of information… and so on. So many subjects, so little time, and yet so intersectional. I see it often, the ubiquitous “minors dni”, even on people’s pages that don’t have explicit material; I’m guessing it’s because people don’t want the headache, but any dni is as good as a line drawn in the sand, a magic circle where all your morals live, until the wind blows it away. Have you ever been asked “are you over the age of 18?” I pressed that button just the other day and just as easily as I had when I was a minor. “Do you mind if your work gets seen by minors?” is the question I’m asked, like my saucy work is a landmine for someone to accidentally step on and to which I can’t help but imagine a different question: “Do you mind if a minor seeks it out?”*

I’m not anyone’s parent and it is not my responsibility to take care of a stranger’s welfare. You have to understand that the internet is a grey place. I don’t know who’s looking. I’d rather not know.**

I tag my smut and label it with a 🔞 with the implicit meaning being don’t look at things you’re not supposed to be looking at. I won’t ever know for certain if a minor looked, pressing the proverbial “yes I’m over the age of 18”, unless that minor was a fool and broadcasted their vulnerability to the world at large, interacting with my unsafe works knowing that their profile reflected that same perceived lack of impulse control. Goodness, if they were smart, they’d be liars.

Even so, I was young once; I lived like the puritanical ideal while also having seen society’s forbidden knowledge [sex things, oh my!]. No matter how well someone hides the cookies, someone will always climb the fridge to get them, and if I had fallen off the fridge, no one should blame the baker. And no one should tell the baker that they should stop baking, especially in their own bakery.

We exist in a moment in time when even payment processors have a say in what kind of content is distributed and how that affects art as a whole, eating into adult spaces [recently the Gumroad nsfw policy leaving nsfw artists reeling] and especially encrouching on queer spaces. Imagine the amount of chargebacks various nsfw gets because sex is so vilified in society that people have to panic when caught oh I'm really not into big anime boobs dw, oh i didnt actually commission this nsfw artist and waste 20 hours of their precious time and labour, oh i need my money back because...; I’m sure the money system abhors it for a money reason, but the root of it is the proliferation of Protect the Children™ used by puritanical opportunists. You the individual affect the wider culture as a whole through the groups you belong to, even if you don't intend to.

I’m asking for people to be smart, to think of their own well-being, but to also think of where they draw the line. Filter the word “smut” and “nsft” and "suggestive" and you should be safe on my page even though the sauce is rare in my Tumblr. This goes for everyone this applies to and not just minors.

Welcome to my kingdom. 😌

Sincerely,

Yuki, your friendly everyday sex-positive asexual

*Yes, I mind. But it’s not my problem.

**Showing nsfw to a minor is illegal and people risk trouble for doing so [lack of mens rea notwithstanding in a court of public opinion], but I have 5 different social medias. I cannot play detective and sift through every follow, like, reblog. That's impossible. Make it easier on me.

I warn. It is your responsibility to comply.

Thank you kindly!

Heyo, just wanting to say thanks again, as I've done a couple of times before, for this blog. It makes me feel so much more better about myself knowing it's okay to refer to myself as a butch queer genderfucked bisexual gaybian.

Admittedly I do still struggle with wanting validation but I know I probably shouldn't really care about or get caught up in the discourse and opinions of people who are probably younger than me, (not that I'm much older than them mind you, only just starting my late mid 20s), but yeah I do struggle sometimes with thinking that maybe I'm too weird or that I should have less contradictory label so getting validation from you and seeing others come to you with similar feelings about their own genders and sexualities make me feel much less alone.

hello there! hey, i'm really glad to hear we could've helped you and that makes me really glad to hear. i'm glad you're taking steps toward accepting yourself as you are! it's okay if it doesn't come all at once

i wanted to say something. i think it's okay to want and crave validation. we are social creatures and we want others to acknowledge us for who we REALLY are. i think it's perfectly natural that you are feeling as though feedback and support from others would really help.

and i totally get being self conscious, i get self conscious sometimes, too. it's okay to think you're "too out there" sometimes, but i just wanted to say there are so many folks just like us out there. we have found so many others who have expressed very similar identities, and it's totally okay even if it doesn't make sense to cishets, or even some other queers.

i think it might be helpful to have a gratitude or euphoria journal where you write down times where you're really happy with yourself and you're feeling confident, or when you get a compliment, or someone vibes with you, whatever it may be, it might be good to take the time to think about those things, too, because while anxiety can be a bitch, little reminders can go a long way sometimes

hope you feel better soon, it's alright to feel this way. we wish you the best of luck in your journey, stay safe, feel free to come by again

Being a physically disabled Dimension 20 fan breaks my heart sometimes

I’ve been thinking about this since last Wednesday’s episode when we finally got a real scene with Lydia, one of the few physically disabled characters in the entire canon of the show. It was nice, but it was really just a lore dump. An excuse for exposition. A moment for Kristen to look good by expending sympathy/pity. (I’m a little frustrated about how that interaction went down. Extending the help action was nice but patronizingly touching the neck of a full-ass adult without consent was not. It was weird and not something she would have done to a nondisabled character).

I have watched almost all of D20 (still missing a couple of seasons) and as far as I know here’s where our list of canon physically disabled characters stand: Lydia Barkrock, Jan de la Vega (who feels pretty problematic to me, maybe more on that in a later post), one of the Dwarven statues in the temple in The Seven (who is not given the dignity of being brought to life like Asha), and Pete’s coworker in TUC2 who is in exactly one episode and is so unimportant I have forgotten his name. I guess you could make an argument that Gunny is disabled, but I don't feel that Lou or Brennan really talk about him or play him through that lens. So in terms of canon physically disabled PCs-- that leaves us with 0.

We do a bit better with neurodivergent characters and characters with mental health problems; Ayda (my beloved) is very well developed and Adaine is a PC. There have been some openly neurodivergent players, like Omar and Surena, whose characters also read ND to me. But that isn’t labeled or discussed in canon, so it's hard for me to know where to class that. I am going to focus the rest of this post on physical disabilities, since that is my area of lived experience. If another fan wants to write about their perspective of neurodivergence rep in the show, I would love to hear that, and will happily amplify.

There has never been a character with a sensory disability or a limb difference or a chronic illness (not a fantasy one, a real one) on Dimension 20. The only NPCs we have are nondescript, similar wheelchair users. And there has never been a physically disabled player at the table. On the flagship show of Dropout, a company founded on diversity and inclusion. It feels extremely pointed to me.

In fact as far as I can tell there has only been one (1) physically disabled performer on any of Dropout’s shows. (Shout out to Brett, you were great on Dirty Laundry.) Obviously I haven’t seen every episode of everything they have produced. If I have missed someone, please do let me know in the comments/reblogs. But it’s a problem. And Sam Reich even agreed with this criticism when I asked him directly about.

I do really hope they’re working on it, as Sam says. But why has it taken so long?

Dimension 20 has had trans and nonbinary and queer players. It has had players of many different races. I’m not saying that the diversity here is perfect; there should always be more POC in the dome, more queer people. We should keep pushing for that. (And we should also push for performers at the intersections of these identities!) But we’ve seen the ways this diversity has expanded and improved the different seasons, because diverse players create sensitively drawn, diverse player characters. They add details to their PC’s experiences that make them feel rich and alive. I’m thinking about each of Ally’s PC’s incredible capital G gender and Aabria “all my characters (even the stoats) are Black” and how excellent they all are. D20 would not be the show it is without this input.

And yet. And yet.

There are 1,000 interesting and complicated themes to explore around disability. Dealing with access. Dealing with ableism. Dealing with compassion and community care. Dealing with none of it and just being a cool fantasy or sci fi character that happens to be disabled. We don’t get any of it.

I watch my favorite show and I see myself in the ace rep and the female characters. But I don’t see all of me. I see a silent but ever present message: you aren’t quite welcome here.

I have this fantasy that I play in my brain sometimes that someday I’ll get to talk to Brennan in person, like maybe if I buy a VIP ticket and risk Covid to go to a live show or we run into each other on the street or something. I am able to look him in the eye and articulate why he NEEDS to include a physically disabled player in an upcoming season. I reference the ways he’s talked about inclusion and writing diversely on Adventuring Party. Maybe I hand him a handwritten letter, or hell, a printout of this post. And because he really cares about diversity and his shows and his fans he would listen to me, and cast a physically disabled performer in the next season.

But I think that might be giving that nondisabled man (whose work I adore, who I respect so much) too much credit. Because he’s had Jennifer Kretchmer, a physically disabled actual play performer, on adventuring academy to talk about access in gaming. He’s hired disability consultants. He knows about physically disabled people, enough to give us shoutouts as inconsequential npcs. And he still hasn’t thought to include us at the table. In over 20 seasons. None of that other stuff matters if we aren't given a seat at the story telling table, and the agency to craft our own narratives equal to other participants in the game.

When Lydia was telling her story in the last episode, I kept wishing for a prequel, where she is more than a plot delivery device and a kind but unimportant parent. I want to know about her adventures with her adventuring party. I want to see a talented, wheelchair-using actor play out the scene when she decides to put the gem in her chest. I want to hear about what happened after. I want to know how she survived. I want it so badly it hurts.

I am in the process of trying to find new indie actual plays that feature more disabled talent. I am learning how to GM myself so I can tell these kinds of stories. But it’s not the same as being a fan of something. Sometimes I don’t want to have to make my own representation. Sometimes I just want to turn on my favorite tv show, the one that I have cosplayed from and written metas about and loved whole heartedly, and see myself included.

If you’re another disabled or neurodivergent fan I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. If you’re not, I’d love for you to reblog this. I would love for the absence of physical disability in this show to be a topic of fandom conversation, at the very least.

(Same anon complaining about fruity four)

Oh my god, the casual homophobia in teens these days, especially from within the community. I'm older genZ, at 25. I have been openly queer for over a decade.

When I first came out all the homophobia I saw/ experienced was from outside the community, casual use of the f and d slurs, using gay as an insult/ synonym for bad, using fruit/ fruity in a derogatory way, and your typical hate crimes/ hate speech.

Now, most of what I see/ hear comes from LGBT+ teens. I have heard teens in a pretty conservative town asking other people (Including adults) if they're fruity. Loudly discussing how strangers are "obviously queer" without caring who is around. And the whole trend of "Is he y'know *limp wrists*?" And the push of micro labels onto almost everyone, who don't want or need to use them.

This links back to the whole "fruity four" thing, because all of these things are used in so many fics for them. Eddie will be limp wristing at everyone. They'll all be describing themselves as fruity. Steve will keep using the word queer to describe his sexuality. Yeah, sure creative liberties and whatever. But it feels unrealistic for a group of teens in the mid '80s. They wouldn't be using all these things that are common in kids now, because they were used in a very derogatory and dangerous way in the '80s. They're teens in a small town in the '80s, they probably wouldn't feel comfortable reclaiming the word queer, let alone half the other stuff they get written as doing when they're written as queer. And they wouldn't be well versed in queer culture of the time, let alone that of today.

i think the reason for this is that these teens are only experiencing queer culture online. the most they get in real life is a commercialised version of pride. all they really know are tiktok comments, where it’s encouraged to imply someone is gay, and loudly discuss what a celebrities sexual orientation might be. outing someone isn’t seen as bad because coming out is seen as a necessity now. i’ve even seen people say that it’s morally wrong and lying not the tell someone you’re gay, which is just insane.

i’ve even seen this post critiquing the word queer because it’s “too vague”… wtf. and yeah! there’s this weird thing where people expect you to totally analyse every aspect of your sexuality and gender and have the perfect word to describe it, and if you don’t totally fit what they think a sexuality is, you’re wrong. and it’s so tiring.

some fics just make it so obvious that they’re writing from a 21st century perspective. like, i’m not saying to write the teens being violently homophobic or anything, but you’ve just got so many st teens treating sexuality with a gentleness and understanding the complexity of it that they just wouldn’t have.

like, robin always knows what bisexual is in fics, she knows the word for it, and she knows exactly what steve is before he even knows. and eddie is flagging and knows exactly what every colour flag mean and he’s a sado dom in small town indiana. and it’s like, get a grip.

i think, when it comes to like robin and steve, it wouldn’t be until they left hawkins, and moved into a city and actually started interacting with queer culture that they would start to refer to themselves with labels. i think in a town like hawkins, where an identity is used to insult you and you really don’t have any other queer people around, it’s harder to just call yourself a dyke or queer. (which is why i love stobin in their 20s exploring queer culture and being able to feel comfortable in themselves and the way they present, because they just really couldn’t do that in the teens).

Hi! I am Lora. I live in Belgium. I speak Flemish, which is just Dutch with extra funny words. I'll get into what I'm about and what I post on here. But let me start with a quick summary so you immediately know you're at the right adress or not:

Mental health, mental ilness, D&D, art, biology, bugs, Belgian/european news/politics, queer shit, my cats, my aquarium, school,...

Now, let's get into the details!

What's my identity? I'm very loosy goosy with this. all pronouns are fine, I don't use any gender label, although I've jokingly refered to myself as 'gender disinterested'. I just don't wanna play! Sexuality is ehhh, people. I use bisexual in my daily life bc that is easier. I'm also not monogamous.

What's up with my brain? I'm diagnosed autistic, currently checking for ADHD. I have spend a lot of time in mental hospitals, dealing with depression, generalised and social anxiety, panic attacks, all the classics really. I spend 12 months on a ward that specialises in emotional regulation disorders, where I received dialectical behaviour therapy. I'm only back in 'the real world' for a few months now, so this comes up often. I'm working towards becoming a certified life experience avocate, a sort of middle man between patients and mental health/disabiliy workers. That's why I'm very open about this, but I always want to mention that you don't have to, and that it can make you a target to people who don't mean well.

What do I study? I have a degree in Graphic design, but based on my elective it would be better to say that I have a degree in illustration. I also went to art school in high school so I have a basis in a lot of things, like film, theatre, webdesign and so on. My comics are on instagram (english, Dutch) and in 'my comics' tag I also did 1 year of a biology bachelor and 1 year of social work, because I was a bit lost over the years. Right now I'm about to start a degree in applied psychology.

let's put the rest under a cut!

D&D I've been following Critical role for a long time, just getting into Dimension 20. I tag cr spoilers for anything relatively new, about 3 weeks or so. I usually tag with 'critical role' or 'Dimension 20' and then the name of the campagn so you can block these tags to avoid spoilers for specific campagns. I play myself but I don't have a group currently since I moved and pandemics and hospitals happened. I play a human druid, circle of the moon, who is bug themed. You all have official permission to talk about your PC's to me at all times!

Pets I have two cats, Marcel and Oskar, who are very sweet and very dumb. There's also a couple of strays that live on my roof, mother and daughter who I call Michelle and Kotelet. They continiously broke into my appartment to steal food so I started to socialise them. It's been going pretty well. I have a big planted community aquarium. It's a self cleaning eco system with a side sump. I have Giant danios and golden danios, amano shrimp, a mix of neo caradina shrimp, corydora's, apple snails, malasian trumpet snails and sulawesi snails. I had a giant african landsnail called Gertude, but she passed away very recently. I also have a box of powder orange isopods who used to be in the big terrarium with Gertrude. And a pot of springtails. I'm trying to turn the old terrarium into a paludarium (riparium to be exact) but I'm waiting on the next hyperfocus wave to finish this. All the stuff is currently in boxes in my livingroom, sighhh. Other hobbies man I widly swing from one to the next. Right now I'm doing crepe paper flowers. I do origami and paper crafts. I embroider. I read. I keep up my house plants and a bunch of stuff on my balcony. I cook. I sketch. I like fashion, make up and skin care. I love to research random shit. I've acted in a few things. I have a guitair I can't play. I bookbind.

Dutch - Belgium I sometimes post in Dutch. I will add the relevant translations in the tags. It's mainly regional jokes with other Belgians and Dutch people, so I can't always properly explain. I also blog a bit about local news. Belgian stuff gets tagged as Belgiumposting and everything relating to Europe or the other countries in it gets tagged as Europosting.

if there is one thing i really hate, it's queer people pitting themselves against each other. my least favorite/most fucking beloathed example is trans men being pitted against trans women and vice versa.

if you feel the need to explain "most" trans men or trans women as behaving a certain way (usually negative), you are encouraging a divide between those two identities. i do not care what bad experiences you have had with some binary trans people--if you are trying to generalize one or the other as being worse, you are the fucking problem.

i usually see it against trans men, but as a trans man myself i am more sensitive to that specific derision and probably notice it more than i notice anything else. one weird thing i saw very recently however is someone claiming that people are saying "most trans women are/were transmeds", which... is just patently false? and a weird insult to levy at trans women.

i was a transmed for several years in my late teens/early 20s. most of us were trans men, with a handful of cis people thrown in. (yeah, i see the issue with that now. hindsight.) the person who coined the term "tucute", to combat transmed ideology, was a trans woman. (the term came from how we had "reclaimed" the term truscum, which was our main label until someone came up with transmedicalist.)

now, we all know transmeds are bad. however in the thick of things, at the time, the tucutes actually were not behaving better. it was very Trans Women vs Trans Men. do you know how often me and the other guys i knew got "shrimpdick" levied at us? the coiner of tucute was a HUGE part of that, but everyone who liked her or was friends with her was pretty much just as bad. this was very specifically two ideologies at war, but almost all of the people involved made it about our identities instead. none of us were in the right on that front.

transmed ideology is wrong, i agree. however, attacking the people espousing a certain ideology for their personal identities is never fucking okay! ESPECIALLY in queer spaces! you cannot base your fucking argument on how someone identifies their gender. you cannot.

what drives me the most bonkers about the whole thing is how often it is based on the idea that men are bad, in general. not only is this not true (the patriarchy is bad, the men At The Top are bad, this does not filter down to every fucking average joe on the street), but you straight up cannot generalize the trans experience that way. you can't! identifying as a man or even just as masc does not make you fucking evil. it does not predispose you to a certain way of thinking or behaving. that's radfem shit.

we know, by now, that infighting is the tool of the oppressor, don't we? TERFs and conservatives want to divide and conquer, and the more we fight, the more we try to claim our identity is The Superior One, the easier it is to take us down. i am begging everyone to try and see fellow queer people as worthy of protection, no matter what label they choose.

we have to stop relying on sweeping generalizations in our arguments. we have to stop alienating people who are not Exactly Like Us. the people who want us dead see us all as the same brand of degenerate, and trying to pick a side amongst ourselves is not going to convince them otherwise.

i want to make it clear that i am in no way trying to exclude anyone who lies outside the gender binary; i just see this gender infighting the most on that binary. but, if you have your own experiences with any of this, i'd love to hear it. these are just my personal thoughts and i am by far not an authority.