#just like John tried to get Sam to kill him (to kill Azazel) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suncaptor · 11 months

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hi! i hope you don't mind me asking, but i need a certified opinion on sam winchester and you seemed like the person to go to :D

could you rec me some good sam-centric fic & character studies? preferably for early seasons or pre-series?

i'm showing spn to a friend and they like sam a lot, but we are both. somewhat afraid to go into the tag lol. so I figured you could have something nice bookmarked or there's maybe a rec list i dont know about.

thanks!

Okay I actually mostly read later seasons Sam stuff (or at least s5+) because the more trauma the better <3 but here are some that are either sam studies that include earlier stuff or earlier/preseries (like kripke era)

DO check trigger warnings! since these are (mostly) pre hell (and I would not read w*) they aren't as bad as some of the sam & lucifer fics I'd share, but some still have different potentially triggering themes (like addiction, suicide, etc, so please just be careful! I'm assuming you can check the tags on ao3 <3)

also some are 18+, not sure your age but I don't personally want my followers talking to me about nsfw content if they are minors. so be wary around that too, but they're all outer links so ao3 will have them rated/stop you etc.

Sam w/ OCD rec list & my old Sam rec list

samjess

Sunlight by sp8ce, samjess

The first time Sam tastes blood it's human blood, and it feels like shame and the closest he has been to truly human wrapped up in one. He's never been so safe and in love. The second time it's electric and consuming. He has nothing left, but the desire to chase the power and hold on to the objective of revenge, only still connected at her touch. The third time, he's pretty sure it will kill him, burn him like purifying light from the inside out. --- An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work is the first time: with Jessica Moore.

also if you like samjess sp8ce has later seasons ghost samjess too<3

sam & john

the type who doesn't burn by patrocluus

On a late October afternoon in 1997, John Winchester takes his son out into the woods and puts a bullet between his eyes.

make a mirror out of you by sp8ce - john kills jess (it's john pov though)

The thing about Jessica's death is that it makes Sa,m understand John more than anything else ever could and choose everything John's ever wanted Sam to choose. Azazel always seems to have John's silhouette.

sam / gen or multi

This Is the Way (The World Ends) by Lise

In Georgia hunting a skinwalker, Dean saw Sam. AU. Like, really.

Weblike Causality by sp8ce

Which came first? The fear or the inevitability?

instrument by sp8ce

Sam Winchester grasps with his own personhood.

Polaroid Sun Picture by sp8ce

Sam has been stalked his whole life in order to be manipulated into an instrument of his worst fears. He has no privacy to himself. He has no defence.

therefore I react by sp8ce

for a while, in the cage, all Sam sees is a tree.

(okay so I've tried to not give you any lucifer stuff but this one is a sam & learnt helplessness thesis for connecting past & present)

This Kid's Not Alright by safiyabat

What exactly did Sam get up to at Bobby's while Dean was at Sonny's? When John makes a very odd request of the older hunter, Bobby takes the boy into his home for a few months. It isn't an easy time for either of them.

the easy way out and the hardest part by queenbaskerville

Sam would rather die than be Lucifer's vessel. Lucifer will just resurrect him now, but there was a time before the seals were broken—a time before Sam broke the seals. To save the world, to save Dean—Sam knows what he has to do.

The Special Children by TheMightiestPen

After Dean reveals his Dad’s last words, he asks Sam to lay low for a while. This time, Sam says no. This time, Sam goes all in in his search for the other kids like him. S2 AU, for spnhiatuscreations on tumblr for week 5: favorite season.

sam & dean

Dear Abel by lowkey_existential_despair (it has samjess/early sam&dean basis okay)

It wasn’t always like this, is the thing. There used to be a time when caring about Dean was more than just a habit. There was a time, once, when seeing Dean with demon-black eyes would’ve been the worst thing in the world. But that was a long time ago. Now, he looks at this black-eyed version of Dean—wrapped in layers of chains, in pain, sobbing quietly—and he feels nothing. Nothing at all.

Purify by cenotaphy

"We know what happens when Sam drinks demon blood.

…but what happens when Sam drinks angel blood?"

Set at the end of season 4, before Sam gets out of the panic room.

Hell Fractal by sp8ce

Sam's last real memory is of Dean stabbing him after he let Lucifer out. Sam keeps, with varying levels of memory and awareness, waking up in the panic room. With Dean needing to kill him.

Man-in-the-middle by ambersock (who has some lovely fics <3)

Sam hears the driver’s side door open, hears footsteps approaching. He remembers that Dean still has Ruby’s demon-killing blade. Yet another voicemail fix-it.

The Choice by authoressnebula (authoressjean)

(this author has other early seasons sam&dean stuff)

One gun. One bullet. It's up to Sam and Dean to decide who will shoot the bullet…and who will die.

it’s not that i think i’m good, i know i’m evil by redskyatmorning

(author has good later seasons Sam stuff as well)

The conversation that leads up to Sam ending up in the panic room, again, to detox from demon blood.

Fade Far Away, Dissolve, and Quite Forget by Lise

You've seen isolation before, but not like this. It's not quite another hemisphere, but it's close enough.

Catharsis by BlueIris08

Sam copes with learning of Dean's promise to John in the classic Winchester way--with alcohol. Or, the drunken, angsty post-Croatoan/Hunted scene that didn't happen.

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right by WilsonTheMoose

In which Sam gets beaten up (rookie), Dean mentions the voicemail (idiot), and nothing really changes (figures). Fits into the first episode of season 5. For an anonymous prompt on tumblr asking for Dean hitting Sam in the earlier seasons. This is not quite what you wanted anon, sorry.

yeah, well, i don't want to by AreYouReady

He didn't do it on purpose. / Dean sabotages Jess's warding in pilot

Comets, Stars, Haunted Houses, and Other Things Best Observed from a Hundred Million Miles Away by occasionallyalways

See also: violent deaths; apologies; lightning. Or; Something happened in the panic room. Something went wrong. Dean finds out six years later.

sambrady

One to Save You by sp8ce

If Brady needs Sam, he'll be there immediately.

The Piece You're Missing by sp8ce

Brady can't seem to figure out why Sam won't give up on him. They have a conversation where he tries to dissect and understand why.

Out by TheMightiestPen (also sam&dean)

A god-possessed witch reveals a secret that Sam’s been keeping for a long time. The brothers handle it like mature, well-adjusted adults, for once.

sastiel

Grace (made perfect in weakness) by Sidewoundcore (CherryHollow)

After he is freed from the panic room, Castiel, rather than Ruby, is the first person to find Sam. In the end, it changes nothing at all.

atrophy & other stories by saintsurvivor

early seasons sastiel that is sam centric

Monster by Ginipig (voicemail fic so mostly sam&dean)

After everything that happened between him and Dean with the breaking of the final seal, Sam is having trouble moving on. Dean's weird, sort-of helpful angel friend wants to know why.

Not that it's any of his damned business.

Comfort by Never_x_Better

Sam's being tormented by Lucifer and Castiel just wants to help him. Nightmares, blood addiction, hallucinations, and fluff ends up leading the two friends down an interesting path.

Wishing Is Cold This Year by Lise

Dean has his head rather determinedly up his ass, so it falls to Castiel to take this one. Post 5.03ish.

what did you bury / before those hands pulled me from the earth? by starlightswait

It’s the strangest thing. Sam’s in the Cage. And then he’s not.

(technically post kripke but it's my favourite sastiel <;3)

Ruby Red by sp8ce (also samruby but I don't read or write a lot of samruby)

An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work has Sam reminiscing on Ruby. He then has more blood forced upon him by some hunters who think they can purify him. (can be read standalone or in series)

#fic rec #fanfiction #writing #sam winchester #sammy #spn #supernatural #fic #incoherents #wow that took hours. making rec lists is a time warp #also there are some of my beautiful mutuals who write beautiful later seasons fic. if i didn't include you it's cause I'm focusing earlier

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leatherjacketed · 11 months

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Possessed by the way S01 initiates with Sam wanting nothing to do with either John or Dean. He's already been looking at rings and he has his mind set on a future with Jessica. A future that goes up in smoke and leaves him bereft and a black hole of a man with nothing but an inferno of rage swirling inside of him. All he wants to do is hunt this demon, get vengeance, and then get back to school. Fill the void. And that's what Sam thought Dean wanted, too. Isn't that what he and Dad were always fighting for? But it's not. All Dean wants— has ever wanted— was to have his family back together again.

The most important thing to Dean, even more than his wish for all of them to be together again, is keeping each of them safe. Nothing is more important than everyone's livelihoods. While Sam and John are driven by fear, anger, and grief, Dean is driven by love. As much as he wants to be with Sam and John again, that desire is not worth risking their lives, and nothing comes before that. Nothing. That's why when Meg uses them as bait for John and sics the Zoroastrian shadow demons on them, Dean insists on letting John go his own way. And Sam is furious. He's been on edge this whole time, wanting to locate John, wanting to get this hole in his chest filled already. He doesn't want to be sidelined in this quest for revenge because all that's all that drives him. The only thing fueling Sam is anger and rage. He's so much like John in that "obsessive" way, and mirrors him like that. Nothing in Sam's or John's mind comes before their mission.

That's why Sam tries to run after the demon into the housefire with the colt, and has to be physically stopped by Dean. That's why Sam is irritated with Dean for being laser focused on saving Dad after his capture, because Dad "would've wanted" for them to go after the demon. That's why Sam insists Dean doesn't bring the colt with him when they go on their rescue mission. Going after the demon is the most important thing. But not to Dean. Dean takes the colt with him, and uses a bullet that either John or Dean would've fired out of hatred and shot to kill— but Dean shoots out of love. He shoots to protect Sam from being beat to death, and does it easily. And it scares Dean, just the lengths he'll go to in order to save them.

And it's because Azazel acts as a loving father and not a man consumed by hate that understands why Dean would put Sam before the quest for revenge that Dean can tell it's not his dad. And when Sam is given the chance to finally end Azazel, with John shouting and begging him to pull the trigger, Sam doesn't. Because there's Dean behind him, softly pleading with him not to. Because Sam is finally starting to get it. Dean did everything to prevent either John or Sam from getting themselves killed chasing their demons and seeking to fill the hole. And in the end, Dean is the one who pays the price for them and ends up in a hospital bed in critical condition. And it's too little, too late when Sam shifts and finally realizes what Dean's been saying to him all along. He finally understands, and it clicks.

Literally possessed with how S01 was a story about learning about things that were more important than revenge. About protecting those that we still have, rather than obsessing over the ones we've lost. But more than anything, I'm possessed with how Sam learns to love and let Dean in again. How he fills the black hole inside of him not by finishing off Azazel, but by letting Dean inside. Where "love conquers hatred," and "love is the most powerful force," Supernatural S01 is the most beautiful love story between two brothers there is.

#SCREAMIN AND THE WAY JOHN'S REDEMPTION COMES IN THE FORM OF GIVING HIS LIFE FOR DEAN'S #I'M NOT OKAY ABOUT THIS. Dean gave his whole life for John. And in the end John gave him life back #He gave Sam and Dean a new start and I'm NOT OKAY with that #wincest #samdean #eric kripke i am in your house i am coming for you

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starlite-png · 5 months

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Imagine Dean getting killed by azazel during stanford era.

John finds the impala crashed in some backwoods road, deans long dead body frozen in the snow, killed by a slash in the stomach just how mary died. He's devastated, obviously, and wracked with guilt because he'd sent dean alone on a hunt just like he had for months. Thinking that he was keeping Dean safe while he hunted for yellow eyes.

John wraps deans body in a cloth, puts him in the back of the truck, and calls Sam.

Sam meets him at the cemetery in Lawrence. He greets his father with a fist to the face, starts yelling, and doesn't stop until he screams his throat raw. John tries to blame sam of course, "If you'd been here, he wouldn't have been alone, etc." The arguing goes on for a while, but eventually, they stop. They bury Dean next to his mother. The idea of burning him, admitting that he's gone forever, it's just too much for either of them to bear. They agree to hunt down Azazel together to get revenge for Dean.

He's ripped away from his heaven as John and Sam hold onto his memory too tight, like all of a sudden they care. Sam carries the amulet, John his gun, and they repair the Impala. Dean is tethered to them. Forced to observe their endless arguing, blaming each other for his death, and coming to blows on more than one occasion. Dean is a spirit now, and though he's glad to be able to help them in subtle ways, he grows more and more bitter over time.

The thing about Dean, though, is that he didn't know it was Azazel who killed him. Hed been dead on impact, the stomach wounds were a sign to John, not him. So, when he died, he died in relative peace. He was tired, alone, unwanted. He was ready to be done.

When he opens his eyes, it's to his childhood home, he's four again, and his mother is waking him up from a nightmare. For a while, he's at peace. Until John finds the body.

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #spn fic ideas #spn au #stanford era

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teamfreewill2pointo · 7 months

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Analysis of the Soul Fisting Scene Part 3

Please read parts 1 and 2 first.

Soulless Sam's submission to Dean's authority in the soul fisting scene and season is fascinating to me because it's so different to how Sam is. On one hand, you could argue that his submission is due to him feeling that something is wrong and trying to regain the sense of normalcy he had before.

Soulless does talk about how he knows something is wrong and it worries him. Perhaps he's just saying that for Dean's benefit. It's possible that he's only letting Dean have control because it reminds him of his past, but he was also following Samuel Campbell around and he didn't have a past relationship with him.

Regular Sam rebels. He rebels against John, against Dean, and he demands an egalitarian relationship from s1 through s15. A lot of the Sam and Dean conflicts arise from Dean trying to control Sam or making decisions on Sam's behalf.

Although Sam has more power and force (and isn't afraid to use it) when Soulless, he doesn't push back on Dean until he worries that Dean's attempt to resoul him will kill or damage him.

In the belt scene, he's not worried about Dean or Castiel actually harming or killing him here. Although he has no emotional attachment to them, he regards them as allies and feels safe enough to allow himself to be tied up and tortured by them. Castiel is acting shady and still Sam trusts him, probably because Dean does.

It's also fascinating to me how Dean directs Castiel's actions in invading Sam's body. Throughout season 6 and the series in general, there is the question of Sam's bodily autonomy.

Sam's body is frequently used as a tool by others in the series: Meg, Azazel, Lucifer, Castiel, Dean, Crowley, etc. In season 9 this issue explodes, but it's a heavy theme in season 6.

In the very next episode, Crowley wants Sam and Dean under his control, so he threatens Sam

Crowley says,

You need to stop thinking of this as some kind of deal. This is a hostage situation, you arrogant little thug. I own your brother! Do you understand me?

Bolding mine. Sam's body is regarded as Dean's property. The decision to resoul Sam is placed in Dean's hands. After Sam regains his soul, Dean tries to control Sam's access to his memories.

Likewise, when Castiel wants to control Sam and Dean and get them to stand down, he harms Sam.

Both Crowley and Castiel harm Sam's body in order to control and manipulate Dean. Both heaven and hell regard Sam's body as Dean's property. Even Death puts Sam's soul back in his body for Dean, not Sam.

Like Sam, Castiel also becomes an extension of Dean's body. This isn't the first or the last time that he engages in torture on the direction of Dean.

It's interesting because, as an angel, Castiel is commanded to carry out God's will, which he did before he met Dean. In a way, he replaced God with Dean, so he now carries out Dean's will... for the most part. Occasionally, he will rebel, which causes conflicts between them (see s14).

In s6, Castiel is hiding information and acting in secret, but everything he's doing is in service to Dean (and Sam). He's trying to keep them out of another apocalypse. Even when he's opposed to Dean, he's still in service to Dean.

Dean is threatened by Soulless and is acting out of fear. In s6, Dean becomes a lot more vulnerable than he's been since s1 and it's due to the threat by Soulless. For example, the scene where he's turned by the vampire has him as a victim of both the vampire and Soulless, who allows him to be turned.

If you like hurt!Dean, s6 is full of prime content. Yes, it is mostly other people victimizing him not directly Soulless, but they are doing so in order for the narrative to show how vulnerable Dean is with Soulless Sam. Although Dean is directing Castiel in the Soul Fisting, he's also standing behind him, keeping a safe distance from Soulless.

In the next episode, 6.08, Dean wakes up from sleep very vulnerable

Soulless has caught him off guard

What's interesting is that Soulless sleeps (or doesn't sleep) near the door, when normally Dean is closer to the door.

While Sam is Soulless, Dean is off kilter and wants Sam back and he's willing to play games with Death in order to get his brother back. He'd do anything for Sam, so why is he so rough with Sam's body? Yes, Soulless is in the body of his brother, but the same time, Soulless is a monster and Dean hunts monsters.

As mentioned before, once Dean knows what's wrong with Sam, he wants Soulless to be locked up. He doesn't want to risk Soulless hurting him or anyone else again.

Soulless refuses to be locked up (his submission to Dean only goes so far) and Dean is forced to keep Soulless with him, in part because Soulless' refusal to be locked up is one of the most Sam aspects about him.

As the person who requested this meta has not seen past the beginning of 8, I'm going to stop for now and then I'll write more if/when they watch 9 because a conversation about Soul Fisting is incomplete without knowing what happens in 9.

(Also there's no way they didn't know what they were doing when they filmed and named this)

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #sam winchester #spn family #jensen ackles #dean winchester #jared padalecki #castiel #misha collins #tfw #team free will #spn s6 #spn meta #meta #sam&castiel

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xx-blueboy-xx · 6 months

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To celebrate trickster Tuesday! I am going to ramble about Mystery Spot, the episode ever. Don't take any of this super seriously I am by no means a "meta analysis" this is just me foaming at the mouth. + the spiral of thoughts it sent me on.

Anyways. If you wanna read it! It's below the cut! Because it got (long).

First off, Mystery Spot represents the literal cycle Sam (and also the entire Winchester family) find themselves caught in, over and over and over again: due to their inherent savior & martyr complexes. Which are not a great blend. Imagine having to save everyone you care about, but, always being willing to simply - die for them. More than willing. Happy to. Feel like you have to, in order to be worth anything to anyone or them. In order to atone.

Now, we saw in S1-S2 how much Dean is willing to give up for family, for Sam. It's the entire reason S3 is happening - he sold his own soul to a demon, something he hated John for, to save Sam. To bring him back to life. Something we learn that his own mother did all those years ago: just not at the price of her soul, but, essentially - her first born child (so Rumplstilskin of Azazel for real). The Winchester need to save each other, that toxic codependency on family, that "family is all you got at the end of the day" mentality is what started it all.

We have only seen in S1-S2 breif glimpses that Sam also shows these signs. The same codependency as Dean, and that savior complex. However - it never becomes truly and completely apparent until S3. Where he is willing to steal human livers, find anyway - anything to save Dean from his deal. It isn't until Jessica, John and everyone else he has known is gone, that Sam begins to fall completely into the codependency that Dean unfortunately, feeds into. (With all of his "You ran away from the family" talk and such)

In Mystery Spot: we see the first true depths of how far Sam is willing to go to keep Dean alive. How far he has fallen from that rebelliousness he had before John died. Starting to agree with Dean that he "tried his best". And things like that. In Mystery Spot we see that Sam rather relive the same day over and over and over again, than let Dean die. We never see him accept it. Not once. Sure, it's a time-loop, but we know Gabriel was trying to teach Sam to let go.

Teach him to break the fucking cycle. But he doesn't. He contuines to give into it, over and over. Until Gabriel reveals himself, thinking maybe he can still change it. Change Sam. Get through to him. That'd when we get those 6 months of pure obessesion.

And at the end of it? We see the Sam that suggested to Dean they use the evil-immortal doctors alchemy to keep him alive, perfectly willing to steal human livers and such for it: come out full force. He is completely willing to sacrifice a stranger to save Dean. Rather than being hellhent on killing the Trickster, on revenge, he wants him back. At any cost. Even an innocent human life.

This is the Sam we see, after years and years of Dean encouraging this behavior - seasons later, bring an entire apyclopse down on the world to get rid of the Mark of Cain. Force a man to sell his soul. Have Rowena kill the inky person she had ever allowed herself to love - someone she considered her son. To utterly get rid of another person's autonomy (keeping her locked up ect.) to get it.

Note: it is NOT Dean's fault, that Sam broke Amara out, I simply am stating that his "we die for family sammy" and "we do everything for family sammy" throughout the years helped Sam make the decision. But at the end of the day, Sam choose to get rid of the Mark. All of the death that happened because of her is pretty directly on his hands, and he knows this.

I also believe that, while Sam feels massive amounts of sympathy, I believe he struggles a (lot) with empathy (autism + protecting himself/trauma response). He can easily replicate empathy, and act as if he cares but we see his hypocritical behavior consistently come into play and make us think: huh. I don't think he actually understands how Dean, Castiel ect. feels. That is why he comes off as spoiled and ungrateful to Dean in early seasons, and in later seasons does things that are completely amoral and deranged. Simply for those he loves.

Because he struggles to wrap his head around *why* Dean can save him, kill people for him, force an angel on him - but when he releases an apyclopse, him saying "I would do it all again." Is somehow wrong. He doesn't see his own hypocrisy at times and struggles especially to see others.

Anyways.

I support Sammy war crimes.

#trickster tuesday #gabriel spn #sam meta #sam winchester #dean winchester #character study #?#spn meta #spn #supernatrual #sam morality #morality #savior complex

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raised-u-fr0m-perdition · 2 months

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we could be more | dean winchester | 8

Summary: Ivonne Rainer was practically a trained killing machine. Stripped to the bone then built back up by her father in order to become one of the best, like he was. She was forced into hunting when she was nineteen, having developed powers that couldn’t be explained. That is, until she was paid a visit by Azazel’s lackey. Her powers were gone, she needed help, and that’s when she found her father’s journal. Pointing to Sam and Dean Winchester.

SERIES MASTERLIST

THE USUAL SUSPECTS

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : ROLLING IN THE DEEP - ADELE

“Miss Ivonne Rainer.” A dude with black hair and green eyes stepped into the room, holding a case file. He was around my age, well built, and judging by the confidence, high up in the precinct. He was also, now that I mention it, sexy. “You’ve got a very chequered past, by the looks of it.”

“I’m not playing chess, mate, so just cut to the chase.” I retorted, tapping my watch. “You’ve got 48 hours, so why not tell me your name so we can move things a bit quicker?”

”Detective Sergeant James Rhodes.” He showed me his badge.

“Where’s the bad cop, eh?”

”With Dean Winchester. Good cop’s with Sam, and the even worse cop is with you.”

”I feel special. Flattered.” I smiled sarcastically. “Why are you holding us?”

”Your buddy Dean is being held on charges for suspicion of murder.”

I frowned, leaning forward. “Murder?!”

”You sound genuinely surprised. You should’ve gone to acting school.”

”Who could he have murdered?”

“We’re getting onto that.” He replied, opening a file and giving me a once over with a hint of red on his cheeks. I smirked a little, leaning back in my chair. “Let’s just look through your file first. I’ve got a lot of research on you, Ivonne. You’re 27, born in ‘79 in Jersey to Michael Rainer and Audrey Rainer neé Singer. You went to a good primary, got a score of 174 on your LSATs, an almost perfect score on your SATs and scored a full ride to Princeton on the course of economics while trying to help your younger sister Quinn battle cancer, which ultimately failed.” I gritted my teeth. “But, here’s the catch. One year after your admission, you were forced to drop out due to your father’s untimely death, a murder which was never solved. Do you want me to continue?”

I stayed silent.

“Tough crowd. About a month after your father’s death, you were the centre of an open and shut case eight years ago in which your brother Carter descended into insanity and killed your family by sticking knives into their throats, and also killed your mother’s unborn child. However, in defence, you shot him after he tried to do the same to you. You were proven innocent after a CCTV recording placed Carter as the killer of your sister Lily and your mother. You went off the grid, but then conveniently seven or eight years later, you were kidnapped by your boyfriend Xavier Jackson, but you broke free, wrestled for his gun and shot him twice, killing him. Your witness? Sam Winchester.”

“You done relating my life story?” I scoffed. “I’ll admit it, you’re cute and this macho, intimidation act is as well, but if you’re aiming to take me out to dinner after this, you’re gonna have to take a step back and reassess the situation.” He looked taken aback, and I nodded. “I’ve met people like you before, Serge, and I know exactly how to deal with them.”

“We’re here to discuss Dean Winchester.”

”And so far all you’ve done is relate something that isn’t important and check me out.” I smirked. “Get on with it, will you?”

”Why I listed every bit of your family history is because one thing doesn’t add up.” He put down the file. “How you ended up with the Winchester brothers. You have no connection to them. Your family had no contact with the Winchesters. So how did you end up with a man who’s charged with assault, murder and grave desecration and his brother?”

“I found them.” I frowned, pulling out my dad’s journal. “Read about John, Sam and Dean Winchester, knew I had to find ‘em. I had a stalker after me. Not anymore, but Dad’s journal knew that they could help me and they did.”

”What about Tony and Karen Giles?”

”Anthony Giles was a friend of John Winchester.” I explained. “I went with Sam and Dean once they found out that he was dead, throat slit with no trace of any bad things happening in Giles’ life to make him do such a thing.”

“There you go.” Sam gave Dean and I a cup of coffee while Dean handed Sam a paper while I dried my hair with a t-shirt. I was wearing a baggy black cashmere jumper with jeans, my necklace around my neck as usual.

“Anthony Giles.” Dean stated.

“Who’s Anthony Giles?” I asked, leaning in with my hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“He’s a Baltimore lawyer. Working late in his office, check it out.”

I read the paper, raising an eyebrow. “Room was clean, throat was slit… but no DNA or prints.”

”Keep reading. It gets better.”

“Security cameras failed to capture footage of the assailant.” Sam muttered.

“So either someone tampered with the tapes, or…”

“There’s an invisible killer.”

“My favorite kind. What do you think, Scully? You wanna check it out?”

“I’m not Scully. You’re Scully.”

“No, I'm Mulder. You're a red-headed woman.”

“You two are idiots, more like.” I sighed. “Let me dry my hair, then we’ll head out.”

“C’mon, Beanie,” Dean laughed, “you look good with wet hair.”

“Then again, it doesn’t feel great in cold air.” I winked. “Maybe next time.” I rifled through my box of IDs, buying my lip. “Who are we today?”

“Insurance investigators.”

“I’ll get my suit from the Mustang.”

“But, if you think about it, Dean couldn’t have murdered Tony, being at my house, right?” I asked.

“You’re right.” He nodded. “Tell me what happened next.”

“We went to see Karen, to help her keep herself together. And boy, she was fallin’ apart.”

Karen Giles sat on her sofa, sniffling and wiping her nose on a tissue. “Insurance. I totally forgot about the insurance.” She whispered, holding back the fifth wave of tears.

“We're very sorry to bother you right now, but the company is required to conduct its own investigation. You understand.” Sam pressed on, and she nodded. I forgot to mention, we were insurance investigators.

“Sure.”

“So, if you could tell us anything you remember about the night your husband died.” I asked, sitting down next to her.

“Uh, Tony and I were just supposed to have dinner. He called and said he was having computer troubles and that, that he had to work late. That was it.” Karen recounted, and I nodded.

“Do you have any idea who could have done this to him?”

“No, like I told the police, I… I have no idea.”

”Did Tony mention anything, you know, unusual to you? In the days before his death?” Dean asked.

“Unusual…”

“Yeah, like… strange?”

“Strange?”

“Y’know, like… weird noises, visions-“ I cleared my throat, stopping Dean.

“He had a nightmare the day before he died.” She whispered, and Carl wrote it down on my flip notebook, and I was loosely holding the pen to give an impression that I was writing and not a magic pen.

“What kind of a nightmare?” Sam frowned.

“Uh, he said that he woke up in the middle of the night and there was a woman standing at the foot of the bed, he blinked and she was gone, I mean, it was just a nightmare.”

“Did he say what she looked like?” Dean asked.

“What the hell difference does it make of what she looked like?!”

“Our company’s thorough, Mrs Giles.” I smiled, stepping in to save Dean’s butt. Again. “We’d like to get a detailed description of the days prior to the incident so then we can make a good analysis. As many details as you can spare, if that’s ok.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, calming down, while Carl wrote down ‘good job’ on the paper. “He said she was pale, and she had dark red eyes.”

“Thank you for your time.” I gave Karen a side hug, giving her my fake calling card, but had my burner phone number. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I told Karen to call me if she had any problems and then we set off.”

“Doesn’t explain why you broke into Anthony Giles’ office.” He persisted.

“Okay, look, Karen called us later, said that there was some stuff that she wanted from Tony's office, but the police weren't letting her in- like, a picture of the two of them in Paris, and some other stuff. She gave us the key. It wasn’t a break in.”

“Hey. Anthony Giles' body was found right about here.” Sam gestured.

“Throat slit so deep, part of his spinal cord was showing.” I read out, sitting at the computer.

Dean whistled. “What do you think? Vengeful spirit? Underlining vengeful?”

“Yeah, maybe. I mean he did see that woman at the foot of his bed.” Sam shrugged. I found something at the printer, whipping it out.

“Take a look at this.” I showed it to them. It had the word/thing ‘danashulps’ written all over it. “Dana Shulps.”

“A name?”

“A name that’s everywhere.” Dean chuckled. “Well, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Sam checked the desk, shining his torch down. Then he breathed on it, revealing the word Dana Shulps. “Well, I think we’ve crossed over to a whole new level of weird.”

“Tell me about it.” I typed quickly, trying to crack the password to Giles’ computer.

”Maybe Giles knew her.” Dean suggested.

“Or it’s the name of our red-eyed mystery girl.” Sam shrugged. We went through available files, I scoured the internet, hacked into police databases, but…

“Nada.” I grimaced. “No girl name Dana Shulps ever died a horrible death or even existed. The surname Shulps isn’t even a name.”

“So what now?” Dean groaned.

“I’m a few clicks away from unlocking Giles’ laptop.” I clicked my tongue. “There could be something in his personal files.”

“How long?” Sam asked.

“Fifteen minutes, give or take. Carl, lend a nib.” Carl started helping, while I counted down the seconds until-

There we go.

“Seriously?” Sam sighed.

Dean’s fart noises.

”Your story checks out.” Rhodes nodded, closing the case. “But fact remains that Dean was found at Karen Giles’ murder scene.”

”Fact remains that Dean Winchester saved my life.” I frowned. “On multiple occasions, won’t specify which, and if that warrants anything, it warrants a hell lot of respect and favours. Come on, Serge. You’re smart, it’s obvious. You’re probably the type of guy to take one look at who you’re dealing with and say whether they’re guilty or not. And you’ve taken a long, hard look at Dean. At me, maybe even Sam. Give me your honest opinion. Do you think any of us are guilty?”

”No.” Rhodes admitted. “Facts don’t add up. Dean wasn’t holding a weapon when they found him. He wasn’t present at the murder of Tony Giles. No prints, no DNA, just him conveniently at the scene. But I’ve got nothing else to work with, unless something else is at play here, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was because a murder isn’t that clean cut.”

“What if it was something else?” I shrugged.

“What are you suggesting?”

“At the crime scene, we found two words written over and over. Dana Shulps.” I showed him the printed paper. “Help me figure out what this means. If you find Dean guilty after this, go ahead, arrest him, put him on trial and get him in prison with a lifer, but for now, consider the fact that he’s innocent.”

James sighed, conceding. “Fine, but it has to look like I’m interrogating you.”

“Not so much of an even worse cop, huh?”

“I bend to reason. Now, Dana.” I wrote down the name, staring at it.

“Best thing I’ve got is an anagram.” I shrugged, tapping a pen on the table.

“Scramble it, then?” We both wrote down the words in different ways, switching things up, thinking, until I got something.

“Ashland sound familiar?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Ashland’s a street name.” A woman knocked and walked in, and she looked to be in her late forties. Her badge read ‘D. Ballard.’

“Detective Ballard.” Rhodes’ demeanour switched up, turning to Ballard with a smug air. Wow, that was quick. Smoother than butter. “How’re things going with Sam Winchester?”

“Story matches Dean’s. How about Rainer?” Ballard replied.

“We’re getting somewhere.” He smirked, glancing back at me. “Miss Rainer and I were having an intense heart to heart, but story still matches the other two’s. Though, I have to say, tough customer. Not sure Pete would be able to keep his cool for long if he had her.”

“I doubt it too.” She nodded. “Keep at it, we can only hold ‘em for 48 hours.” She left, and Rhodes switched again, turning back to me with an easy smile.

“How’d I do?”

“You lie almost as well as I do.” I grinned. “Am I turning a good boy soft?”

“Cut the bad girl act, Rainer.” Rhodes chuckled. “Yeah, I have to admit, I was checking you out, but I can look through a guise if I see one.”

“Again, flattered.”

“You’re a hard case to crack, aren’t you?”

“I like to give people a challenge.” I wrote on the paper. “Get this to Dean and Sam, any way you can without being spotted. They need to know.”

He took the paper, standing up. “I hope to God that you’re right, Rainer.” He left, leaving me to contemplate all my life decisions.

”Trust me, I hope so too.” I sighed.

Rhodes came into my room later, looking grim. “I got you a ticket out, but Dean’s decided to confess. You might wanna come watch.”

“Confess to what, though?” I asked, picking up my leather jacket and putting it on.

“That’s what I wanna find out.” We went into the interrogation room, where they were setting up a camera.

“Beanie.” Dean grinned upon seeing me. “Are you ok?”

”I’m doing fine.” I nodded.

”Your boyfriend decided to confess, sweetheart.” One detective smirked. “Speak directly to the camera, and state your name for the record.”

Dean faced the camera, a smug smirk on his face. Wait, I know what he’s going to do. “My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius.” Here we go. “I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone. But I know who did. Or rather what did. Of course it can't be for sure, because our investigation was interrupted. But our working theory was that we're looking for some kind of vengeful spirit.”

”Excuse me?” Ballard scoffed.

“You know, Casper the bloodthirsty ghost?” Dean shrugged. “Tony Giles saw it. I'll bet you cash money Karen did too. But see, the interesting thing is the word it leaves behind. For some reason it's trying to tell us something. But communicating across the veil, it ain't easy. You know, sometimes the spirits, they, they get things jumbled. You remember ‘REDRUM’. Same concept. You know, it's, uh, maybe word fragments... other times, it's anagrams. See, at first we thought this was a name, Dana Shulps. But now we think it's a street. Ashland. Whatever's going on, I'll bet you it started there.”

“You arrogant ass.” Detective Sheridan hissed. “Tony and Karen were good people, and you're making jokes.”

”I’m not joking, Ponch.”

”You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis!”

“Oh, yeah. That wasn't me either. That was a shape-shifter creature that only looked like me.” Sheridan lost his temper, hauling Dean up by his collar and slamming him against the wall. I was going to step in when Rhodes held me back, other officers jumping in to help.

”Pete!” Ballard gasped.

“That’s ENOUGH!” Rhodes yelled, stopping everyone. “I’ll cuff him myself, just go return to your jobs. Rainer, you stay with me.” Everyone left, leaving Dean, Rhodes and I alone.

“Well done, you locked me up.” Dean grimaced as he looked down at the cuffs now around his wrists. “Whatcha gonna do, gloat?”

”Ask you two if this Casper thing is real.” The answer took Dean aback, and he blinked at Rhodes, wondering why. “I talked to Rainer. The facts don’t add up, and a spirit seems most obvious when it comes to a murder with no prints or DNA.”

“Beanie, you sly fox.” He chuckled. “She can talk her way out of anything.”

”Long story short, yeah, it is.” I nodded. “Shifter is real too, all of the likes of it are.”

”So, Ashland?”

“Street name.” Rhodes nodded. “Why this spirit is trying to tell us that, I’m not sure.”

”The girl died there.” Ballard stepped in, and Dean sighed, rolling his eyes and opening his mouth to speak. “Can we make this quick? I'm a little tired, it's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all.”

“I want to know more about the stuff you were talking about earlier.” She gulped.

“Time Life. Mysteries of the Unknown. Look it up.”

”Let’s pretend for a moment that you aren’t entirely insane.”

“Mhmm.”

”What would one of these things be doing here?”

”A vengeful spirit? Well, they're created by violent deaths. And then they come back for a reason, usually a nasty one. Like revenge on the people that hurt 'em.”

I noticed something on Rhodes’ wrist, and I took out, pushing up his sleeve.

“Where did you get these?” I asked.

”These weren’t there before.” He gulped, looking freaked. Ballard pulled up her sleeve too, showing the bruises.

“You two saw it, didn’t you?” Dean frowned.

“How did you know?” Ballard gasped.

“Because Karen had the same bruises on her wrists. And I'm willing to bet that if you look at Giles' autopsy photos he's got 'em too, it's got something to do with this spirit, I... I don't know what.” He paused, staring at Ballard’s stunned expression as she turned away. “I know. You think you're going crazy. But let's skip that part, shall we? Because the last two people who saw this thing? Died, pretty soon after. You hear me?”

“You think we’re going to die.” Rhodes breathed.

“You need to find Sam.” Dean urged. “He can help, and so can Ivonne.”

”You’re giving up your brother.” Ballard stammered.

“Go with Beanie. She’ll find Sam and they can help figure this out. You can arrest him if you want, or you can let him help you.”

“Lead the way, Rainer.” Rhodes agreed, and I immediately walked out of the door, both of them following.

I knocked on Sam’s door at the motel. “Jim Rockford? It’s Tabitha from room service.” Sam opened it immediately, spotting the two behind us. “They saw it. This is James Rhodes and you know Detective Ballard.”

”Get in.” We all got inside, and Sam hugged me before turning to the other two, holding their wrists. “These showed up after you saw it?”

“Yeah.” Rhodes nodded.

“You know, I must be losing my mind. You're a fugitive. I should be arresting you.” Ballard shakily told us, but we shared a look.

“Fine. Arrest Sam, then.” I shrugged. “After we save your life. For now, just trust us to do this, ok?”

“She’s right, Diana.” Rhodes vouched, and she conceded. I gave him a thankful smile, pulling out Sam’s folder of crime scene photos and booking photos.

“Okay, great. Now, this spirit. What did it look like?”

“She was, um, really pale, and her throat was cut, and her eyes, they were like, this deep dark red? It appeared like she was trying to talk to me. But she couldn't. It was just... a lot of blood.” Diana stammered.

“Alright.” I showed them the photos. “I’m gonna flick through these one by one, and you’re gonna tell me if you recognise her.” I went through the photos one by one, and then Rhodes cleared his throat when I stopped at one.

“That’s her.” He nodded.

“Yeah.” Diana agreed.

“Claire Becker? Twenty eight years old, disappeared about eight or nine months ago.” Sam frowned.

“But we don't even know her. I mean, why would she come after us?”

“Well, before her death, she was arrested twice. For dealing heroin. You ever work narcotics?”

“Pete, Diana and I did.” Rhodes gulped.

“Did you bust her? Any of you?” I asked.

“I did, but I got her a shorter sentence than she was going to get.”

“It says that she was last seen entering 2911 Ashland Street. Police searched the place, didn't find anything. Guess we gotta check it out ourselves. See if we can find her body.”

“What?” Diana coughed.

“Well, we gotta salt and burn her bones. It's the only way to put her spirit to rest.” Sam explained.

”Of course it is.”

“You guys go and have a glass of water. Keep an eye on each other. Ivy and I need to talk.” The other two went into the room behind us so Sam and I could have a chat.

“Rhodes seems to be taking it well.” I smiled. “Ballard, not so much.”

“I think Rhodes is taking it well cause of you.” Sam smirked, and laughed when I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I don’t see the sparks. Dean would’ve already commented on it.”

“He’s a man of the law.” I sighed. “I have more fake IDs than I’ve had birthdays.”

“Maybe that’s the danger of it. Forbidden love-“ I slapped him across the head with a piece of paper. “Ow, okay, okay!”

“You better not mention to this to Dean.”

“I think he knows.”

We walked into an abandoned warehouse, my gun drawn just in case.

“A firearm?” Rhodes scoffed.

“It’s licensed, so untwist your boxers.” I smirked.

“So what exactly are we looking for?”

“We’ll let you know once we find it.” Sam informed, then we split up, searching for a possible place to hide a body. I scaled the wall, knocking on it to try and find a bit of hollow wall that I could bust open-

“Sam!” I heard Diana yell, sounding scared. “Sam! James! IVONNE!” All three of us came running back, and we found Diana alone.

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you see Claire?”

“She, she was here.”

“Did she attack you?” Sam questioned, looking around.

“No, she was just… reaching out to me. She was over there by the window.“ There was a shelf blocking the window, so Sam and Rhodes got to work and moved it, revealing the word ‘ASHLAND SUP’.

“I’m guessing the SUP started the word supplies.” I grinned, then followed the reflection to a wall on the other side. “Sam, did you bring the sledgehammer?” Sam held it up, so I took it and started cracking a hole the wall. I peered in, and nodded. “Yep. There’s something here.” Sam joined me and helped me tear the rest of the wall open, revealing Claire Becker’s body.

“God.” Rhodes breathed.

“Something about this is bothering me.” Sam frowned.

“You’re digging up a corpse.” Diana pointed out.

“Digging them up is pretty par for the course. But why would a vengeful spirit lead us to her corpse?” We bent down to take a look, and Diana reached out, touching the necklace.

“Does it mean something to you?” I asked.

“That necklace. It’s rare, custom made on Carson Street.” She pulled out the same one from her neckline. “I have one just like it. Pete gave it to me.”

“Now this all makes perfect sense.” Sam nodded, piecing it all together.

“What does?” Rhodes frowned. “Apart from Pete killing Claire.”

“Claire’s not a vengeful spirit, she’s a death omen.” I explained. “She’s not killing people, she’s warning them that they’ll die by the same hand she did. You see, sometimes spirits, they don't want vengeance, they want justice. Which is why she led us here in the first place. She wants us to know who her killer is.“

“Detective, how much do you know about your partner?” Sam asked.

“Oh my god.” Diana gasped.

“What?”

“About a year ago, some heroin went missing from lockup. Obviously it was a cop. We never found out who did it. But whoever did it would need someone to fence their product.”

“Someone like a heroin dealer. Someone like Claire.”

“I’m going to make a phone call, find out where Dean is.” Rhodes stood up, pulling out his phone and walking to another corner. “If we’re right, he could be next.”

“Did you bring the Mustang?” Sam asked me, and I held up my keys.

“Yeah.” I nodded, then turned to Claire’s body. “We’ll catch him.”

Rhodes came back, looking freaked again. “Pete just left with Dean. Said he had to be transferred and just took off. He’s not answering the radio, either.”

“We need to cut him off.” I grimaced, cocking my gun. “He’s in a county vehicle, so we need to access the lo-jack and find the route. Let’s go!”

I was driving with my pedal to the metal, with Diana and Sam in the back and Rhodes at the front with me.

“Tell me.” Rhodes turned to me with a smile. “How does a girl like you end up in a job like yours?”

“What do you mean, a girl like me?” I chuckled, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re smart, quick on your feet, obviously good with a gun. You got almost perfect scores on your LSAT and SAT, got into Princeton, practically a shoo in almost anywhere. You could’ve been great on the force, instead you’re hunting the impossible.”

“Hunting the impossible seems like a better option, in my opinion.” We reached the GPS location of the county vehicle, appearing behind Sheridan just as he was about to kill Dean.

“Pete!” Diana yelled. “Put the gun down!”

”Diana?” Sheridan gasped. “How'd you find me?”

“I know about Claire.”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Put the gun down!”

“Oh, I don't think so. You're fast. I'm pretty sure I'm faster.”

“Why are you doing this?” She asked.

“I didn’t do anything, Diana.” Sheridan lied, while I flicked down the safety pin on my gun.

“It’s a little bit late for that.”

“It wasn't my fault. Claire was trying to turn me in, I had no choice.”

“You had a choice, Pete.” Rhodes frowned. “Instead you killed an innocent woman. Then why Tony and Karen?”

“Same thing! Tony scrubbed the money, he got skittish, and then he wanted to come clean. I'm sure he told Karen everything.” He reasoned. “It was a mess; I had to clean it up. I just panicked.”

“How many more people are going to die over this, Pete?”

“There's a way out. This Dean kid's a friggin' gift. We could pin the whole thing on him. Right? No trial, nothing. Just, just one more dead scumbag.”

“Hey!” Dean barked, but backed away when the gun was turned on him. I rolled my eyes, ready to pounce, but with a gun trained on Dean it wouldn’t be wise.

“No one will question it. Diana, please. I still love you.” I gave Diana a look, but she put her gun down. “Thank you. Thank you.” Sheridan turned to Dean, but then Diana quickly picked up her gun, shooting Pete in the stomach and making him fall, giving Dean time to roll out of the way.

“Then why don’t you buy me another necklace, you ass?!” She hissed, before she was tackled herself, and Sheridan got up, instantly going for the gun, facing off Rhodes and Sam. However, Claire showed up behind Sheridan, making him turn around and gasp in horror as she smiled, giving me time to pull the trigger and shoot him in the back. He fell to the floor, more permanently this time, and Claire gave me a nod before disappearing.

“Hell of a shot.” Rhodes breathed, glancing to me.

“Thanks.” I smiled. We gave Diana time to mourn her partner, then she came back to us.

“You doin' all right?” Sam asked, concerned.

“No, not really. The death omen Claire, what happens to her now?”

“Should be over. She should be at rest.”

“So, what now, officers?” Dean asked.

“Pete did confess to me. He screwed up both your cases royally. I'd say that there's a good chance that we could get your cases dismissed.” Rhodes explained.

“You’d take care of that?” I smiled.

“I hope so. But the St. Louis murder charges? That's another story. I can't help you. Unless... I just happened to turn my back, and you walked away. I could just tell them that the suspects escaped.”

“You sure?” Sam blinked.

“Yeah, they’re sure, Sam.” Dean urged.

“No, I mean, you could lose your jobs over that.”

“Look, we just want you guys out there doing what you do best. Trust me, I'll sleep better at night.” Diana sighed. “Listen, you need to watch your back. They're gonna be looking for the three of you right now. Get out of here. I gotta radio this in.”

“Do you know where my car is by any chance?” Dean asked.

“It’s in an impound lot on Robertson’s.” She gave Dean a look. “No. You’re not stealing it.”

“Of course not.” I smiled, patting the boys on the shoulder. “We’ve got my Mustang, and we’ll improvise. We’re good at that.”

“Clearly.” Rhodes grinned, and Dean and Sam shared a look.

“We’ll meet you at the car.” Dean smirked, dragging Sam with him. Diana had slipped off, leaving me and Rhodes.

“This’ll be one heck of a story to tell.”

“I bet.” I laughed, storing my gun in my arm holster. “Just leave out the part of the death omen and people won’t call you insane.”

“That sounds best.” He chuckled. “You’re a really hard case, Rainer, you know that, right?”

“I’ve heard. Well, I’ve better get going.” I smiled, then pulled my car keys out of my pocket. I stared at them, then raised an eyebrow. “Wait, I have my keys. If I have them, how are the boys in the-“ My focus was thrown off course by a pair of lips on mine, an arm wrapping around my waist. I dropped my keys because of the impact, forgetting about them and cupping the nape of his neck, the other arm hanging loosely around it. I could feel his smile, tilting his head-

“HAUN HAUN! YOU GOT THE GIRL, OUI OUI?!” I pulled away, turning to where Dean was.

“DEAN WINCHESTER, I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” I yelled, then stepped back from Rhodes. “Sorry about them.”

“Nah, you’re good.” He picked up my keys and gave them to me, kissing me again quickly and then my hand. “It’s gonna take a lot to forget you, Rainer.”

“Don’t worry about that, Serge, nobody can forget me.” I handed him a note with my burner cell number. “Call me sometime. If I don’t pick up, I’m hunting another demon. And, uh, call me Ivy.”

“Then call me James.” He took the note, pocketing it. “I’ll lead the cops off your trail. Just go, and don’t die, cause those two will need your help. You’re a smooth talker.”

“I guess that solves the mystery of why I joined them in the first place.” I smiled. “See you around, James.”

“You too, Ivy.” I walked back to the Mustang, unlocking it and getting in.

“You boys are idiots.”

“I like him the best.” Dean smirked. “Cool dude.”

“Yeah, we love a rogue officer.” Sam teased.

“Shut up, you two.” I groaned, flooring it and waving goodbye out of the window to James, who was watching me leave.

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#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #spn #dean winchester x oc #spn masterlist #supernatural #supernatural oc #dean winchester x you

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angelsdean · 1 year

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Okay, so I genuinely tried to see Sam as one of Jack's parental figures but... I can't? I mean Cas and Dean, yeah, 100%, but Sam doesn't give me any parental vibes for Jack, no matter what Jack and Rowena say in the show (and how some people are angry at "sam's erasure by destiel shippers"). I don't see him as one of Jack's parents. If you do, can you explain me why please??? I'm so confused.

personally i don't either, which yea, some people get upset about and cite "erasure by destiel shippers" but for me it's not even about destiel but more so that i just do not see sam as someone who actually wants to be a father. (which is why i'm also massively side-eyeing that whole finale where he gets the "white picket fence apple pie life" and dean jr. that kid is Not real to me !!!)

i think early on, during stanford especially and for some years after, sam thought that's the life he wanted. i think if jess hadn't died and he hadn't gotten swept back into hunting and become obsessed like john w/ killing azazel and everything that followed, he would've married jess and he would have tried to have that perfect life, but i think he'd still be living a lie and keeping everything about hunting from jess, like he seems to do w/ blurry wife and dean jr. so, what kind of life is that really?? It's not a real partnership if you're lying about everything. Just like Dean couldn't really make it work in the end with Lisa and Ben (and he was more open with them about everything) it's like, for Dean and Sam it's never going to work with someone who isn't in the life. But until Eileen (and Rowena) Sam tends to go for the option of "pretend hunting doesn't exist and have a fake perfect life", like with Amelia in s8. All this to say, this "white picket fence American Dream" he keeps going after isn't sustainable and isn't realistic. To me it reads very much as a dissociating technique, a coping mechanism. He tries to escape the reality of his life, bury his head in the sand, but at the end of the day, these things are just pipe dreams. His relationship with Amelia reminded me so much of Dean and fake El Sol Carmen from his Djinn dream, even down to the fake-happy over saturation.

Anyways, that's a lot of words to say, his most real (and imo healthiest) relationships are the ones with people who know about hunting (Eileen, Rowena). And when he's honest about who he is, the life he leads, and what he actually wants (helping people, studying magic w/ Rowena, being a loreboy lol, etc etc) I don't really think he sees being a father as part of those dreams / desires. Also, Dean has always been the one shown as relating to kids more and being good with kids. Dean has always been in a more nurturing / caretaker role since he himself was a child. That's not to say Sam couldn't be a dad or learn how to do these things, but I'm just saying it doesn't seem to come naturally to him the way it does for Dean, so I think that's another part of why a lot of people see Dean + Cas as Jack's parent figures more than Sam.

However !!! I think Sam makes a great mentor + teacher (and Uncle figure). I think he really enjoys teaching and guiding people. He's a great leader to the Apocalypse World hunters and he seems to really enjoy that mentorship role. And with Jack, early on, he stepped up and became a mentor and teacher to help him learn how to use and control his powers. I think Sam cares deeply for Jack, and Jack is family, and Jack himself considers Sam as one of his "dads" and Jack is their collective "kid" but I think there is a noted difference between the way Dean + Cas interact with Jack and the way Sam does. Even when Dean is at his worst, there's still this very "he's a child, I'm the parent" dynamic between him and Jack. Whereas I think Sam tries to treat Jack as more of an equal who's still learning (and i think that's also in part due to Sam growing up being "the baby", like he gets it and so he approaches Jack differently than Dean does).

#replies #long post #family dynamics

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writethelifeyouwant · 2 years

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Junkie - Kinktober 2022 | Day 23 & 24

Summary: Sam accidentally nicks Dean’s throat with his knife, and finally, life as they’ve always known it is all over.

Pairing: Demon!Dean x BloodJunkie!Sam / Sam x Wife (Unnamed) Rating: 18+ Warnings: Incest, Infidelity, Blood Consumption Tags: AU, Bartender!AU, Mechanic!AU, Mechanic!Dean, Bartender!Sam, Internal Monologuing, Knife Play, Gore, Blood Drinking, Dirty Talk, Cheating, Incest Kink, Infidelity Kink, Oral Sex, Deepthroating, Cockbulge, Degradation Word Count: 3.3k Kinktober Prompt - (23) Cockbulge/Deepthroating | (24) Gore

Bingo Squares: @anyfandomdarkbingo - Demonic Possession | @anyfandomkinkbingo - Blood In The Cut, K. Flay | @spndeanbingo - Bartender!AU | @j3bingo - Control, Halsey | @supernatural-jackles Tell Me A Story Bingo - Quote J “This cock isn’t going to suck itself.” | @spnkinkbingo - 24/7

Ever since the Yellow Eyes Demon fried their mother extra crispy on baby Sammy’s ceiling, the lives of the Winchester boys have been unusual, to say the least. John, convinced that Mary’s killer had targeted Mary for a specific reason, moves the family to a small, two-bedroom ranch across town (so Sam and Dean can share a room and Dean can always keep an eye on the baby boy) and gets back to work. By day, he works at his garage with his partner, but by night, he hunts down any scrap of information he can about his wife’s murder.

And Dean and Sam grow up the same way, going to daycare and then school and then the local community college, keeping their heads down and acting just like every other boy that grows up in Lawrence. They get called down to the guidance counsellor a little more often, they have bruises and cuts and scrapes a bit more than your average kid, but they lost their mother young, and John’s always been a bit rough and tumble. Everyone makes excuses for them, Sam and Dean don’t even need to come up with lies to cover up their true nocturnal activities and weekend getaways.

They spend every moment they aren’t in school helping their dad hunt down evil–the supernatural variety. Ghosts and werewolves and poltergeists and vampires and demons. Demons become their speciality. Because as soon as they learn that it was a demon that killed Mary, it’s their mission to hunt down every single one of those sons-of-bitches until their entire godforsaken species is extinct. When they learn that Sam has demon blood running through his veins, courtesy of the murderous visit Azazel paid them the night he turned six months old, cracks start to emerge in their life’s work.

Dean is working with John at the garage now, Sam is bartending while he finishes up his final year of school. Sam’s got a pretty girlfriend, and Dean’s got a pretty long list of booty calls. John’s got his demon-hunting. And then all of the sudden, they have to make a choice they never anticipated–what level of demon-ness can they stretch to tolerate? Family has always been the most important thing to them, besides the hunt, so what’s more important? Killing the demon race to extinction or protecting their family. Family wins.

When John has the choice of working with a demon to save Dean’s life, or killing Azazel and letting Dean die of his injuries… he knocks over the next domino. Taking care of his boys wins again. And when Sam dies, Dean makes the deal with the demon to bring him back, because taking care of Sammy wins. And when Dean dies, Sam tries hunting down and threatening every demon he can to bring back his brother, but when that doesn’t work, and Ruby offers him another way, Sam succumbs to the temptation and lets himself get hooked on demon blood because she promises him that if he’s strong enough, he might be able to bring Dean back.

And on and on it goes, the unhealthy brotherly affection spiralling from commitment to codependency and ever closer towards addiction. There’s hardly anything keeping Sam and Dean from slipping the rest of the way down that slope. And demons–once again–are what push them over the final threshold to a place they can never come back from.

When Dean becomes the thing they’ve always fought so hard against, more purely demonic than Sam has ever managed, the final domino begins to teeter. Sam tries to pull his brother back. He traps him in the back room of his garage, where Dean technically lives these days, ties him down to his bed and force feeds him the clarified human blood that can bring him back to his regular old mechanic, demon-hunting self. Dean wonders if some deeply buried part of Sam scratches the devil’s trap open on purpose, lets him escape on purpose, because they both know that neither of them are really happy leading their apple-pie double lives. Sam with his girl and his dog and his bar, Dean with his garage and his Impala. They’ve both been burying a secret far worse than their supernatural murder sprees all these years.

When Dean escapes, he corners his little brother against a concrete wall of the garage, and he dares Sam to be strong enough to do it–to choose their mission, their life’s work, over protecting his big brother. Sam’s hand twitches, like he’s willing himself to fucking nut up and end it, fighting not to make the same mistake that’s gotten them into this situation over and over again.

Sam accidentally nicks Dean’s throat with his knife, and finally, life as they’ve always known it is all over.

Demon blood will always be a weakness for Sam, but usually, he has enough control over himself to resist the urge to drink. Something about Dean’s blood, though, it’s not the same. The siren song from the small rivulet of blood trailing down the hollow of his brother’s throat is a thousand times stronger than a veritable kiddie pool of blood from lackey-demon number nine; a hundred times stronger than the gashes over Ruby’s wrists that he’d suckled on so obsessively for over a year. And this is just one small drop of blood. Suddenly Sam can hear the rest of Dean’s blood rushing beneath the delicate membrane of his skin, pulsing in his veins, barely restrained. It would be so easy… hardly any effort at all…

Dean’s fingers wrap purposefully around Sam’s wrist. He doesn’t have to work hard to push his brother’s arm away from his throat or use his demonically-enhanced strength. Sam’s willpower is now focused entirely on not drinking Dean dry, the tension in his arm illustrating his restraint in not pushing the knife further into Dean’s throat, and the demon can tell. Dean smiles darkly as he raises Sam’s hand and the knife it’s clutching up to his mouth, letting his sinful tongue dart from between his lips to collect the small line of his blood on the blade’s edge. He slices the tip of his tongue in the process, the wound burning violently thanks to the magic of the Demon Blade, and he hisses but he keeps his tongue firmly out of his mouth, the blood now welling temptingly on the muscle.

Sam feels like he’s about to hyperventilate.

Slowly, teasingly, Dean twists Sam’s wrist and angles the back of his hand towards his mouth so he can lick across the surface of Sam’s knuckles, decorating them with his tainted blood. Sam stares at the shine of the deep red against the white of his skin, blanched from how tightly he’s still holding the Demon Blade. He feels himself swallow and regrets that he can’t taste any of the honeyed-metallic scent that’s enveloping him sliding down his throat. His vision has tunnelled to the back of his hand, everything else around him unimportant–even his demonic and murderous big brother. The world has faded to black and white except for the stain of red against his knuckles, clinging like dew drops on the grass to the coarse hairs that are standing on end, alert and at attention. Idly, Sam thinks he might be shivering. Everywhere feels cold except the skin of his wrist that’s still locked beneath Dean’s fingers.

“C’mon Sammy,” Dean coos, and when Sam tears his gaze away from the blood on his hand to look at his big brother, the familiar green of his eyes has been swallowed by the black of the demon that’s inhabiting him. No. That he is. This isn’t some random demon possessing Dean’s body–this demon is Dean. Dean with all his cruelty and bloodlust twisted obsessiveness worn on his sleeve, no longer buried deep beneath years of shame and better judgement.

“Do it,” the demon whispers again, no longer talking about Sam cutting his throat, but tempting him towards a wholly worse kind of violence. The kind that will destroy them both more egregiously than Death or Hell could ever conceive.

“Let me take care’a you, Sammy,” Dean pleads, his eyes suddenly the bright, kind green that turns Sam weak at the knees. He’s never admitted it aloud, but Sam is just as weak for Dean’s imploring expressions as Dean is for Sam’s kicked-puppy look. “I know you want this. You need this. Let me help you,” Dean brings a hand up to the back of Sam’s neck bracingly, soothing away the tension of his restraint, massaging his muscles into submission.

Sam lets out a sob, feeling himself breaking apart under Dean’s touch and wanting to refuse but finding that he can’t with each second that slips by, each touch of Dean’s burning fingertips against his skin. His head cants forward and Dean swivels to catch him, their brows touching, foreheads pressed together in a sick lovers parody. And Dean knows exactly what Sam needs, and how to get him to break and take it for himself.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean murmurs, licking his lips and painting them with a slick stain of his blood, prettier than any hooker in red lipstick that Sam has ever seen. “I’ve gotcha, I’m gonna take care’a you.” Sam’s body is wracked with another sob as each word drives a stake into his resolve, splitting it down the fault lines as Dean targets each weakness. “I love you so much, baby brother,” Dean whispers, his mouth a hair’s breadth away from Sam’s, waiting for him to fall and join him in his Hell on Earth.

But when Sam’s lips crash into Dean’s he swears it feels more like Heaven.

The old adage of drugs, sex and rock-and-roll feels an entirely appropriate descriptor for their lives now.

Sam gets his blood-fix, Dean brings the rock-and-roll with his cassette collection like he always has, and they both get the sex. Dean isn’t sure which part is his favourite–the way Sam looks when he’s drunk on his big brother’s blood, or when he’s high on his big brother’s cock. Of course, more often than not Sam is both at the same time, so Dean doesn’t feel particularly guilty about not wanting to choose between them.

Dean looks down at his little brother, kneeling on the floor between his legs, the long sandy brown hair tangled and knotted at the back of his head where Dean’s fingers have been messing with it. Sam hasn’t thought about brushing his hair in a while. That sort of thing isn’t important to him anymore. He only thinks about one thing these days, and that’s exactly how Dean likes it. The old human-him had always been worried that Sam would leave him someday, like he did when Dean was twenty-two, and too weak to stop him. But Dean isn’t weak anymore, and the new and improved him had the obvious solution for keeping Sam exactly where he wants him.

“There’s a good boy,” the demon croons, petting Sam’s hair as he laves the huge flat of his tongue across the cut Dean has carved into his inner thigh. Dean doesn’t scar anymore when he heals, but Sam is so attached to drinking from this particular spot that he swears he can see a faint trace of the cut every time the skin closes over it again these days.

With the hand that isn’t in Sam’s hair, Dean reaches for his cock and strokes himself languidly, enjoying the slow roll of his skin over the blood-engorged muscle, teasing his veins by squeezing tighter and letting go, making the blood pulse along his length in heady spurts, and Dean knows that Sam can hear it as he teases himself, because the man whimpers pathetically against his thigh, his tongue shaking with the increased speed of his breath.

“Where’s your girl think you are?” he asks with a cold grin, and Sam shakes his head and mumbles something incoherent, not wanting to pause in his drinking to take the time to answer. “She think you’re at work?” Dean prods, and Sam shakes his head again, teeth scraping over the cut in Dean’s skin. “She think you’re out with your brother gettin’ drunk? That’s not too far off the truth I guess,” he chuckles deeply, petting Sam’s head fondly.

“Don’t wanna talk about ‘er,” Sam slurs when he pulls off Dean’s thigh with a gasp, only pausing in his quest for blood because his need for oxygen had become too urgent. Dean cups his cheek and drags his thumb across Sam’s lower lip, collecting the bloody spit pooling there and bringing his finger up to his own mouth, sucking it in with a hum of satisfaction and enjoying the look of disgruntled longing on his little brother’s face. Sam resents missing out even on that tiny, diluted drop of Dean’s demonic essence, and the demon knows it, which is exactly why he does it every time.

Reaching to his side for his knife–not the Demon Blade, just a regular steel pocket knife he’s always carried around–he flicks the blade back out and runs it over the base of his stomach gently before dragging it down through the mousy trail of hair that draws a line from his belly button to his cock. As if someone would need directions on their way down, Dean’s cock stands out huge and heavy between his legs, twitching up in anticipation at the feeling of the pocket knife glancing over its length.

The masochistic part of Dean loves this bit. He holds the head of his dick in one palm and angles the tip of the knife just so across the top, going for one of the smaller veins instead of the big one that runs up the underside. They’ve done that before and Sam nearly bit his dick off in his enthusiasm to suck down the tide of blood that started flowing. The smaller veins work better, giving Sam just enough of a taste to keep him happy, but not letting him gorge himself. Keeps Dean in control of the situation.

Sam looks up at Dean pleadingly with eyes nearly as black as the demon’s own, waiting like he’s been taught. Waiting for permission.

“This cock isn’t going to suck itself,” Dean scoffs, and that’s all the instruction Sam needs before he’s diving in hungrily, sucking the head of the demon’s length between his lips and swirling his tongue over the small incision, moaning with even more pleasure than Dean does at the feel of the wet heat sliding around him.

“Fuck yeah,” he grunts, fisting his hand in the knot of Sam’s hair. “There’s my boy. Dirty fucking boy, aren’t you? Gagging for a dick down your throat when you’ve got a pretty girl at home who wants to be choking on yours–such a fucking waste, aren’t you?”

Dean doesn’t do well with silence, he never has. And since he became this version of himself, it’s like all the voices in his head that he’s been trying to muffle his whole life have all been given microphones. Demons are the most tortured of all, he remembers being told during his sojourn in Hell. He hadn’t stuck around long enough to find out what Alastair meant by that, but now he knows all too well. Demons crave violence and pleasure and oblivion because that’s the only way to make the voices shut the fuck up. It’s the only way to get some goddamn quiet.

The volume starts to dim as Dean yanks Sam forward, using his hair like a leash and dragging him down his cock until he’s pushing into a throat that’s fighting him. When he’s in Sam’s throat Sam can’t taste the blood anymore, and Sammy doesn’t like that, which means Dean loves it.

“Yeah, bitch,” he groans, using his own voice to drown out the ones inside, still too loud. “Look at you taking my dick all the way down this pretty throat.” Dean circles the fingers of his free hand around the front of his brother’s neck and squeezes as he fucks in as deeply as possible, feeling the bulge of his cock moving in Sam’s throat and letting a groan ring out in the echoey concrete of his room at the back of the garage.

This place has always been perfect for hunting the supernatural, and now for their even more secretive activities because it’s built out of the way, on the edge of the town. No one wants all the noise from an auto shop near their houses or offices, so there’s nothing else around here for at least half a mile. Sam and Dean can scream as loud as they want, and no one will ever hear them.

“Good fucking cocksucker, aren’t’ya boy?” Dean keeps up his monologuing as he fucks Sam’s throat, denying him the blood that he’s so desperate to feel on his tongue again, keeping the crown of his cock firmly away from the man’s tastebuds. “What would people say if they saw you like this, huh? Big, tough, Sam Winchester, on his knees for a fucking demon, for his fucking big brother. What would Dad think of you, huh? His boys. Probably turned out worse than he could ever’ve imagined, didn’t we Sammy?” Dean laughs as he throws his head back, hips bucking off the edge of his mattress as he thrusts into Sam’s throat as roughly as he can. He feels Sam’s tears sliding off his face and onto the hand he has braced around his neck, and Dean wants to lick them up; taste a part of his brother’s shame the way Sammy tastes his.

Because how can it not be shameful that Dean Winchester, famous demon-hunter, is now a demon himself and doesn’t give enough of a fuck to let his brother save him? Instead, he’s dragging Sammy right down to the pit with him, because they sure as shit weren’t gonna let something like this split them up after everything they’ve pulled to stay together. If Dean is a demon for good then Sammy’s getting damned too, that’s just the way it is with them. And Sam is far too addicted to the demon blood now to protest, even though he’s probably powerful enough to overcome Dean if he tried.

That’s the most magnificent part, that Sam has every capability to escape this situation, to fight Dean off, and he’s becoming more and more powerful with every drop of Dean’s blood that he drinks, but none of that matters to him. Fighting Dean hasn’t even occurred to him. Because all that matters is his next fix. Dean has the all-powerful, special child of Hell as tamed as a hellhound. Obedient and hungry. Every second of every day, Sam is waiting for Dean’s call, telling him that it’s time. He would sit on his knees beside Dean’s bed on the cold concrete until his skin was rubbed raw and he was wasting away. His life’s one joy, now, is to service Dean, because when he does, he gets his reward. He gets Dean’s blood.

They’re bonded more deeply now than ever before, in a way that Dean, twisted as he was even as a human, has always craved. Sammy as his; Sammy devoted solely to him. If they didn’t have a facade of a normal life to keep up, he would happily keep Sam naked at his beck and call. He’s had dirty dreams about the idea for years. Dean cums down his brother’s throat reminiscing about his old fantasies. The sounds of Sam choking on his release as Dean shoves him back off his dick are just about enough to drown out the noise in his head.

Part 1 is posting straight to Tumblr for Kinktober. Part 2 is a bonus smut scene and will be posted to my website as a member exclusive!

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore @letsbys-library @fictional-affairs @leigh70

All SPN: @cemini-winchester @akshi8278 @stoneyggirl @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @slamminmine @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @alaufeyson @raidens-realm @tatted-trina6 @defenderrosetyler @cluz1babe @maliburenee

#wincest #demon!dean #bloodjunkie!sam #kinktober #samdean #spnkinkbingo #spndeanbingo #j3bingo #any #anyfandomdarkbingo #au #mechanic!Dean #bartender!Sam

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egipci · 8 months

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Happy WW Em! There has been endless discussion about Dean’s close relationship with John. But... If John lived, do you think Sam could ever have a similarly close relationship with him? Or do you think the Stanford incident and Sam’s childhood has left too big of a stain on their past? If John and Sam had their own closeness, would Dean ever get jealous? Or would he see it as the final stage of his fucked up family healing itself?

Happy we......ek, friend! What a great question--- I think I tend to be much more optimistic than most people when it comes to Sam and John's (non-incestuous) relationship possibilities, but also I'm pretty committed to 1. the idea that John must die, sooner or later, for the show to become the Sam and Dean show (tm) and for Dean specifically to become his own guy and not just a dad-extension, and more controversially that 2. Sam's hate/frustration towards his dad is pretty much resolved before we even see John in s1, if not entirely before the pilot, 3. that John would die to save Sam just as he had for Dean, and 4. that we see significant character development on both their parts in s1 (or at least a significant improvement in their mutual understanding) such that their relationship couldn't really be as bad as it had been when Sam was growing up--- so with these basic assumption in mind, say John's lifespan is extended by like, a year or so. The short answer is: yes, they can grow closer, but not as close as the Dean-John relationship, not because of the trauma of the Stanford fight but because of the nature of the Dean-John relationship itself. There's about two decades of emotional incest there that I don't think Sam or anyone else can really fit into.

The long answer is-- I think the degree to which Sam and John grow closer depends entirely on how much canon changes to allow John to survive. Let's consider some possibilities:

Azazel is happy in 2x1 to stop the reaper from taking Dean solely in exchange for the gun. So, they get Dean back, but they're down the only weapon that take Azazel out. Obviously Sam can't blame his dad for giving up the gun, and he's recommitted to the fight after they've come face-to-face with Azazel, and insofar that he's happy to defer to his dad on hunts they're in a much better place than 1x20, for example. I can see John's "we wouldn't be here if you had taken the shot" blame persisting, if to a much lesser degree, but much more significantly, John's anxieties about Sam breaking bad persist, and there's a lot of very intriguing tension to be located here. John tells Dean, because of course he must tell his lieutenant, and Dean is torn up about it, watches Dad watching Sam, tries and eventually fails to keep it to himself, etc. etc. Sam is used to being outside the Dad-Dean unit, and it probably is better than when he was a kid, but also there's something going on that feels different, because he was right there when Azazel talked about his plans, and he asked John in 2x1 if he knew anything, so eventually he learns he's at-risk of some freaky shit. Does he know that Dad said to Dean they might have to kill him? And if he does, is his reaction similar to his reaction in canon s2, which is --- okay, whatever Dad says, but if someone has to kill me, please Dean it has to be you? Of course in this scenario we get to 2x22 and John makes a deal for Sam's life.

Azazel takes the gun and gives John one year. Or I guess, he takes the gun and John has to make an independent deal for Dean and gets a one year freebie. This compounds the above scenario in an interesting way: I can see John initially telling Sam about his deal and Dean about the Sam situation, and everything eventually comes to light because Dean knows his dad better than anyone (maybe he connects the dots somehow in 2x8) and Sam figures out that something might happen to him etc. etc. --- so now the stakes are doubled for Sam; they have to get Azazel before Azazel gets him, and maybe if they get Azazel before Dad's year is up they can maybe stop the deal (similar to the s3 Lilith hunt, you can even include some version of Ruby here), and of course he's totally onboard with Dad's contingency kill-Sam-before-he-breaks-bad plan. So like, the Sam-John front is probably the best it has ever been, and outside of his obsession with getting Azazel he's really mellowed out with Sam, not in denial about the inevitability of his death. Dean is absolutely inconsolable in all of this, trying to get his dad to stop worrying about Azazel and redirect to trying to stop the deal, he's worried about saving Sam, he's suicidal (as always). We get to 2x22 and John extremely hypocritically tries to stop Dean from making a deal, which he himself has made and would do again for Sam given the chance. (Also imagine John hilariously micro-managing Sam and Dean to prevent the revelation of his very important secrets--- extremely entertaining, as long as he manages it).

John has a year left and doesn't tell anyone. Of course he's motivated to finish the Azazel job before his time runs out, Sam is on board, and sooner or later learns that Azazel has a son crush on him, etc. etc. see above. But we can also imagine how that attempt at reconciliation in 2x1 ("I don't know why we're fighting" etc.) would underlie John's final year, a real palpable softness towards both Sam and Dean that's nice but obviously weird and unusual. There is also tension before Dean learns about the Sam situation and even more after he does, why would his dad place this on him etc. etc. Until suddenly Dad dies (or acts as bait for Azazel in 2x22, knowing he's not coming out of it).

Would Dean feel jealous in any of these? No. I mean, I don't really know why he would. I would need some canon support for this potential jealousy. Much more plausibly he would feel overwhelmed, or put-upon, or whatever, if there were a unified obsessed-with-hunting Dad-Sam front, but I don't really see jealousy within this dynamic (but of course I can be persuaded).

#very clever of you to get me to answer a ww ask by making it about john #now I'm thinking about a j/d story where John has a year left and doesn't tell Dean and it's bumming me out #there's a great candle-beck s/d story with this premise everyone should go read #anyway--#dadfucker friday #if only because it's friday

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eyelinerdean · 2 years

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the notes from when i came up with my s1 au, because i don't have the spoons to actually write it right now:

"ok au where mary left and took sam with her maybe when dean was 7 or 8. sam's too young to remember him. dean grows up alone with john, motel room to motel room, turns tricks to keep himself fed cuz john barely leaves him any money, maybe sometimes no money. (maybe meets charlie at school a la atylk?) same complicated relationship with john, only this time when dean leaves to go get sam, it's not to find john. john is dead. dean killed him. was it self defense? was it to protect mary? was it to protect sam?

dean goes to find his brother. i don't think sam remembers dean except for maybe one or two blurry memories, and i think mary was cagey about discussing john and/or dean. sam didn't have a perfect childhood, but he didn't have dean's childhood either. i'm not sure if he knows about hunting. in this au mary sort of takes john's place in s1. dean wants to meet up with her, but sam hasn't contacted her in a few weeks and she doesn't pick up when they call. when they go to her place, it's empty. so they go looking for her. also jess might be in this au idk man.

(also i think it would be sexy if we had a fun little jump the shark/point of no return moment where sam's like at least you had dad! do you know what it was like growing up without him and dean just looks at him. and shakes his head and walks away (maybe in 1x02))

anyways, mary! maybe she's out on a hunt, maybe she heard about john's death through the grapevine and is trying to find what killed him. she does still love him, after everything.

and everything with azazel still happens, you know etc etc and when dean and mary meet again it's shocked and tearful. she's a hunter, she's older, she clearly knows what she's doing, dean respects her. and dean resents her. but he's too relieved to worry about that right now. she and dean chafe, though, when they work together, and sam doesn't really understand it, but he's still trying to fit everything, hunting, demons, ghosts, everything to make sense with his world view. he's trying to understand the gaps in his life not realizing that he doesn't yet have all the answers.

(i think mary saw azazel and realized what was happening, who he was, but didn't know what he was doing. her hunter instincts kept her from barging in, but she watched and made sure he wasn't hurting sam. so in the years following she clutched sam close and tried to find answers while john was at work. it took 3 or 4 years, but she knew enough. so she took sam. and she ran. while john was at work, while dean was at school. and maybe mary couldn't risk getting dean, didn't have a car cuz john took the impala to work, couldn't risk wasting all the time while john could be home any moment, so she takes sam and runs. the school calls the winchester home 6 times before they contact john's work. and dean and john both come home to find the house empty.)

mary wouldn't leave a batshit trail like john did so a it's a lot more throwing shit at the wall and hoping something will stick, mary doesn't even know they're on her trail until they meet up in what would be 1x16. i really like the idea of mary being gone to try to find what killed john, cuz i think she kept tabs on him all these years. i'm sure she finds out that it was dean, but i don't know if they have a confrontation.

i think mary and dean have kind of a fight before she dies OHHHHH WAIT. does azazel possess mary? or what about john's corpse? OR WHAT ABOUT BOTH OHHHHH HOLD ON. maybe he possesses john's corpse and this is before mary finds out about dean killing him so sam and mary are like john! and dean's got the colt like that's not john. and they're like wtf dean calm down it's ok and he's like get away from him that's not john. and then we have john!azazel being 1) a great actor and then 2) very creepy and taunting dean and revealing that dean killed john AAA!!

and then right after mary is like. what the fuck. then azazel leaves john's body and possesses HER and taunts dean and sam yknow the drill a la devil's trap. and dean has the colt and whatever and mary!azazel is like. you gonna shoot me? just like you shot dear old dad over there? wow, dean, two for two. maybe next time i should find bobby singer, help you keep your streak.

and dean can't do it and sam can't do it either but he does shoot mary in the leg and azazel flees yknow etc etc and they're driving home and nobody is talking about it and then they get hit by the carrrr WOOOHH and dean almost dies and then mary makes the deal to save dean etc etc.

anyways i just think dean deserves to have a fun little breakdown moment at mary about her leaving him <33"

anyways yeah. i've tried to start writing this fic so many goddamn times and it's just never worked out but i do have a playlist for it if anyone would like the link :))

#if you read this whole thing holy shit (affectionate)#lu.txt #my writing

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inthiswhisper · 2 years

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dean: [jack] almost killed us.

sam: yeah, because you tried to shoot him.

dean: i tried to shoot the monster, sam. it’s kind of what we do.

sam: we don’t know what he is yet, dean. and i had it under control.

dean: i’m sorry. are you defending the son of satan?

sam: i’m not defending anything. i’m just saying, look, with everything that’s happened, i’m obviously spun out also, but we need a plan.

dean: yeah, kill him. okay? that’s the plan. right now, all that matters is finding him and ending him before he hurts anybody else. and once we do that, we’ll figure everything else out.

sam: what about cas? is he... is he really dead?

dean: you know he is.

—

this is gonna sound strange, but i love how this is playing out. it reminds me a lot of john and sam in s1. azazel killed mary and jess, and both john and sam got tunnel vision trying to get revenge. and i know — the situations are not 1:1. i do not think jack is at fault. lucifer killed cas. lucifer took mary. lucifer is the main reason this happened. but with lucifer not here, and with jack being his son and being — along with sam and dean — who cas died trying to protect, jack is a natural target. and so, dean’s development is being deliberately turned on its head in this moment. dean grew past thinking in black and white to seeing the grey areas in hunting. given jack’s situation, there’s an abundance of grey, right? but all dean can process right now is that he just lost his mom and his best friend. he lost family. nuance goes out the window when it comes to his family, and a big part of s12 was about dean clinging to family, lashing out in concern when he felt like he was losing them. he has to regress. s12 set it all up to happen. this conversation alone touches on the perfect combination of challenges dean will likely face moving forward in terms of processing grief, accepting loss, and not always placing blame on an “innocent” person, especially when some circumstances are honest mistakes, or even entirely faultless choices. overall, this has been building up throughout dean’s arc for a while now and i am so excited to finally explore it.

#i don’t do deancrit here #all of this makes perfect sense and i love it (narratively speaking)#i do wish he was kinder to jack though #but i also wish cas wasn't dead so what can you do #supernatural #spn liveblog #13x01

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antigonewinchester · 2 years

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been thinking about Demon!Dean, as one does, and how his demon cure went down. I’d previously assumed the main reason the full demon cure wasn’t shown in 10x03 was writing shortcuts & general continuity laziness: we see Sam consecrate the ground at the start of the ep, we see Sam doing the purified blood injections, and so the audience is meant to assume Sam also does the final ‘putting blood on Dean’s mouth’ step, even if we don’t actually see it happen.

however, the more I thought about it, the more I realized the visual of ‘Dean with blood on his mouth’ is not only an image that goes far back into the show, it’s also one with pretty negative associations & a certain subtext for him. considering that the final step was the only part of the cure that wasn’t shown, I think it’s likely the writers intentionally avoided this visual because it would’ve brought an ambiguity, if not outright negativity, to Sam curing Demon!Dean that would’ve conflicted with the otherwise positive framing of that moment within the story.

if we look reverse-chronologically, we start at 9x23, with Dean succumbing to the Mark and coughing up blood:

there’s 9x01, when Dean is beaten up by the angels looking for Cas. which makes the beginning and end of s9 into bookends: in the first ep, Dean’s being attacked by angels who want to get revenge on Cas, versus in the last, Dean is himself being overtaken by the Mark driving him towards violence / revenge & tried to kill the angel Gadreel. (this one I was a little hesitant to include, since Dean’s kind of generally beaten up in 9x01, but I do feel it ultimately fits & particularly with how it connects to the end of the season):

there’s the infamous 6x05 moment, with Dean having been turned by a vampire and soulless!Sam having looked on / not stopped it. this was actually the shot that first jumped to mind when I thought huh, maybe the writers deliberately shied away from the final step of the cure to avoid evoking any visual similarity:

a minor moment in 5x22 after Lucifer!Sam first punches Dean when Dean tries to talk to him:

another minor moment in 5x18 when Cas beats up Dean in the alleyway:

and then the earliest example I thought of was Dean hurt by Azazel!John in 1x22, both in the cabin & the shot in the car afterward:

I suspect part of these visuals comes from the practical visual storytelling aspect, with blood in the mouth / spitting up blood being an easy way to show that a character is badly hurt without a lot of other injuries or needing more intense makeup sfx. there’s Dean coughing up blood in 9x23 to show the Mark overtaking & hurting him, and the same thing happens in s8 during the Trials to illustrate Sam’s physical deterioration. for the 9x01 moment, we see the angels getting ready to attack Dean, it cuts to a Sam scene, and then we go back to Dean’s beat up face; we don’t see the assault but can tell Dean’s taken quite a few hits. the little moment in 5x22 seems like a brief Oh Shit pause for the audience, where we were hoping Dean would be able to reach Sam but see that Lucifer’s still in control & willing to hurt Dean, which then leads into Lucifer!Sam really wailing on him. 1x22 implies some kind of intense internal bleeding & that Azazel!John could have killed Dean if he’d kept going.

setting aside the practical underpinnings for these scenes, what’s very interesting to me from a story perspective is how many of these moments are not just bad times for Dean, but specifically times when he’s been hurt by family / friends, or at least their bodies, given the possession / soullessness aspect (besides Cas being all Cas in 5x18). all the moments from s1 - s6, 4 out of the 6, fall into this category. the ones that are different are from s9, with Dean being hurt by enemies or the outside force of the Mark.

given that the narrative frames Dean’s demon cure in 10x03 as a definite good thing and as Sam curing / returning Dean back to being himself, it would make sense for the writers to avoid a visual that evokes quite a negative context for Dean and particularly associations with Dean being hurt by family. not what they wanted to imply or the tone of 10x03. and so, the final step of the demon cure is omitted and instead the audience sees Dean losing his demon eyes and returning back to his regular old self like so:

imagining this scene as it would’ve been with the full cure - Dean turning from demon to human with blood on his mouth - does seem more ambiguous to me as compared to the actual scene we got, with the focus on Dean’s normal and un-bloodied, if slightly confused, face. (I do think Jensen’s acting adds some ambiguity to this moment, and implies that Dean isn’t totally happy to be cured, but that’s an acting choice as compared to what’s in the script.)

maybe I am reading too much into this, and it was just laziness or lack of continuity with the worldbuilding and lore. I’m fine to be totally off-base here and the writers weren’t thinking about any of this and just wanted another chance to show off Jensen’s pretty face. it’s just that the sidestepping this imagery & breaking continuity feels revealing, esp with the rest of the cure being included. would there have been a way to include the full cure without emphasizing the final step? I think so. have it happen but don’t linger on it, or have Dean make a joke about it. but instead the narrative avoids it entirely.

(if they’d really wanted, the writers could’ve followed this visual thread and made the demon cure a much more ambiguous thing, maybe even delved into the recurring theme of Dean being hurt by his family / friends and all that messy, complicated stuff. and it’s not all surprising that they didn’t, they have the story they want to tell & that’s what they did, but it does feel like the writers choosing the... the easy or expected story beat over something a bit more complicated.)

#i started this waffling as to whether i thought this omission was intentional but i'm pretty convinced now tbh #there’s just a little too much here to think it’s only the writers / showrunner being lazy or forgetful with continuity #and if it was just laziness or forgetfulness it's a very nice coincidence for them #also if i missed a moment here i'd def like to know; spn being so long & dense makes analysis hard sometimes lol #anyway. add this to my list of topics i casually daydream abt discussing with jensen. esp because he directed 10x03 #was this step ever in the script? did he notice it wasn't? what were his thoughts? (i mean prob he wasn't thinking abt it but i am curious)#dean #demon dean #meta personal #season multi #cw blood

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