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vox-ex · 7 months

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write

supercorptober 2023

“Let us turn over the pages, and I will add, for your amusement, a comment in the margin.” - Virginia Woolf

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A soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room as Lena stirred from her sleep. Wrapped in the comforting embrace of the sweatshirt she had come to wear most nights, she breathed in deeply, catching the lingering scent of Kara's laundry detergent still caught in its threads. It was a subtle reminder of the delicate place they were in now, of all the ways Kara had made her way back into her life And as the days passed, Lena began to notice the little traces of Kara reappearing around her apartment more and more. A handmade mug in her kitchen cabinet. A colorful painting on her wall. The woody citrus scent of her shampoo clinging to the tiles from time to time while she used the shower. And now, as the evenings turned colder, even a thick wool blanket that found its way too onto her couch; and eventually wrapped around the both of them.

Little by little the thought of Kara in her home became familiar again.

Little by little, Kara became familiar again.

One Sunday afternoon, while waiting for Kara to return from a mission, Lena found herself going through her bookshelves for something to read. Her finger trailed along the spines; she hesitated at a small collection she didn't quite recognize, wondering if Maybe this was another piece of Kara slipped in.

"Those don't look familiar," she said quietly to herself, an eyebrow arching in curiosity. She pulled at them carefully, tipping out the warn paperback one by one.

Each was a slim volume of poetry. Mary Oliver, June Jordan, Louise Glück.

She flipped each of their well-loved covers open. She noticed the dates scribbled in the corner. Noticed her name — Lena — in Kara's familiar writing just underneath. Noticed that all the dates were newer than the books themselves, but also much older than they should be.

She sank into her armchair, the soft fabric cradling around her as she began to leaf through the pages of Mary Oliver's poems. Each turn revealed more and more of Kara – a hastily scribbled note in the margin, a title underlined in pencil, a phrase circled with a question mark beside it. Notes on what song to listen to after reading it. Her fingers traced over Kara's handwriting, feeling the indentation left by the force of it against the paper. Lena could almost see the years between them just in what Kara writes — in how she writes.

At least one of the notes she found was for her.

"Share with Lena."

Written in the corner of a poem titled "Wild Geese," — her heart swelled at both the words and the idea she could be known by someone else in such a way.

"I wonder," Lena breathed into the stillness of the room.

She stood up and walked back to the bookshelves that lined one whole wall of the office. She scanned the shelves again, her fingers brushing against the spines of well-worn novels she had packed and unpacked a hundred times to heavy textbooks and research volumes.

She started pulling down more books. One she had told Kara about, ones she had told her were her favorites.

Soon, she was sitting on the floor, books scattered all around her.

Her fingers traced the words that Kara had left. Unlike in her books, the writing wasn't on the pages themselves, but scribbled on pieces of paper — small post-its or even a few bits of napkins — and stuck in between the pages. Her thoughts, questions, even elegant equations.

"Hey," Kara's voice drifted through the open doorway before the rest of her appeared, body angling just past the doorframe.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No, not at all," Lena replied quickly, smiling gently. "I was just…" She hesitated, not quite sure.

"Looking for something?" Kara ventured, taking a step closer, her expression shifting from confusion to a gentle understanding

Something like that," Lena admitted from her spot on the floor.

Kara's gaze fell to the book that lay open on her lap, and Lena could see the flicker of surprise and recognition in her eyes.

"I didn't think you'd find them," Kara admitted, her voice caught between awe and vulnerability as she stepped fully into the room. "I mean, you have so many."

Lena hesitated, then added, "I wanted to show you something."

Kara nodded, and Lena stood up, holding out the book. It was one of hers, Felicity, by Mary Oliver. But it was newer than all the others.

Kara took the book from Lena, careful not to lose the page it was on.

She caught a hint of Lena's neat script at the bottom but didn't look at it yet.

How do I love you?

How do I love you? Oh, this way and that way. Oh, happily. Perhaps I may elaborate by demonstration? Like this, and like this and no more words now

When she got to the end, her eye fell back into the margins, back to what Lena had written — a question.

'No more words?''

She read it a couple of times just to be sure.

She grabbed a pen from her pocket — but then looked up at Lena instead.

"Perhaps I could elaborate with a demonstration?"

Kara's kiss, when it came, was soft and unhurried, her lips warm and gentle. And like the rest of Kara that had made her way back to her, there was comfort in how familiar it was.

And when Lena pulls her back in a second time, it's with a tenderness that says I will be patient with your heart if you are careful with mine.

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read and follow along all month on Ao3

#sg prompts #supercorp #supergirl #supercorptober #supercorptober2023 #supercorptober 2023 #softness #just hints of heaviness #hopeful endings #Lena kinds pieces of Kara in her apartment again as well as in the margins of her books #Kara love poetry because it's not something really valued on Krypton is a HC I will always lean into #It probably also made Earth make more sense...or potentially less

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clowndensation · 1 year

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shiv nation sound off. how we feeling.

#gonna be real this kid thing doesn't fill me to the brim with excitement. however. i will keep an open mind.#killing tom in this scene however. feel like this is the most heavy-handed i've seen him leverage his relationship with shiv #'hey do you remember those times when you liked me?'#usually there's at least like a hint of genuine feeling in addition to the relationship dynamic battle they're constantly navigating #this was just. he's scared so he's nostalgia baiting her while she's expressing genuine emotion #all around this ep was like hey. what if shiv was treated like shit #succession

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genshin-impact-updates · 6 days

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New Boss: The Knave

Hello, Traveler!

After the Version 4.6 update, you will encounter a new boss "The Knave." Let's check out what special traits she has and how to deal with her~

#genshin impact #genshin impact updates #genshin impact news #official #genshin impact spoilers #just in case you don't want gameplay hints #image heavy #technically these are all small enough for tumblr. this does not mean tumblr will like them

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dnalt-d2 · 5 months

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So is anyone else just not fully believing the whole thing about BBH dying anymore?

Like yeah, with the radiation poisoning and the coughing and the "foreboding words" he keeps speaking, it sure seems like he's gonna keel over any day now

But that's kinda the problem

Anyone else remember when he was SUPER hinting that he ate Ron? With like, full-on crunching sound effects? When he acted at one point like he was gonna actually kidnap someone??

And then Ron turned up fine

And he ASKED Pac to go visit him, instead of actually doing a kidnapping

(I know there's other stuff too, but I can't think of them at the moment, unfortunately. If you have any examples leaning either way, feel free to let me know, I'd love to hear it)

He's been making a bit of a habit of doing all this seemingly obvious foreshadowing, just to turn around and be like "Lol, gotcha!! I gave Ron a house and fluffy bunny slippers!! Why were you even worrying, you silly muffins???"

It just feels to me like he's laying it on kinda thick, is all. Even just tonight, he was telling Pomme that "Everyone has to die sometime" and really heavily implying that he might do so himself soon

Now obviously, this could just be the one case where he delivers on the thing we're expecting 100% and I'll eat my words once again

The only reason I'm not entirely UNconvinced is because there really would be a lot of angst if he died and forgot everything, and I think we all know that Bad RELISHES in that sort of thing. He'd even roleplay it out really well, if the return from Purgatory streams are any indication

Not to mention the potential developments that would come from that. Like him reading his memory book, seeing that he wrote "Cucurucho is maybe a friend" and then suddenly we'd have a Fed-Allied BBH, and THAT would be super interesting

I dunno, I could see this going either way, but Bad has a really good way of surprising us

So while I can't be sure what it will be, I'm positive of what it won't be

What we expect

#Him dying feels too obvious #Like yeah it might happen #But with all the heavy-handed hinting #It could just as easily not #Guess we'll see #Probably in the next week with all the foreshadowing this week #qsmp #qsmp theory #q!bad #q!bbh #q!badboyhalo

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punkeropercyjackson · 4 months

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Tbh i'm always so confused when people act like Kataang and Taang can't co-exist and i don't mean multishipping,i mean at once.When i was a kid i only really shipped Toph and Aang but Kataang always made sense to me so i was chill with it being canon and nowadays i perfer the latter and still ship the former due to nostalgia and a love for au ships but since i've realized i'm queer i ALSO love the idea of Katara and Toph being a thing because they have just as much chemistry with eachother that they do with Aang and that covers literally all the bases in their trio.Like besties they're not a love triangle,they're a polycule

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moiraineology · 4 months

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Sorry I'm on the pain train today, but I really think that Moiraine blames herself for what happened to her at the Eye all throughout season 2. This is a woman who has a plan within a plan within a plan, and even though she is fully aware of how dangerous the mission is, and how she is almost certainly going to die because of it, she still had some very specific expectations for how things were going to go at the (not-so-final) battle. She brought the sa'angreal for Rand to use, and she was ready to channel and fight for him while he woke up/gathered his strength/found a way to touch the Source. The thing she never expected to happen was for Ishamael to be able to cut her off even as she threw her whole body into channeling to protect Rand. We know how powerful she is. We know that this was her final mission. A suicide mission. Her entire being was devoted to that final channel and when Ishamael shields her, the sound she makes--total disbelief, panic--betrays the fact that she never imagined that he would be able to do what he did. She thought he might kill her for sure, and that she'd go out in a blaze of glory, but this? Left behind as a Forsaken's plaything? It was never something that crossed her mind.

The first shot of her we see in season 2 is her lugging those buckets of water across this massive canyon at Tifan's Well. There are cicadas buzzing, the brush is scrubby and everything (barely) grows in sand. It's hot as balls. And she is out there bringing bucket after bucket home so she can be in this tepid bath, reliving what happened to her and wishing, wishing, wishing she hadn't channeled in that moment. I think Verin is right to point out that this could be seen as an indicator of her strength in many ways, and Moiraine herself would probably appreciate hearing that ("Moiraine didn't know the meaning of the words 'give up'"), but I personally see it as a form of self-harm. She is punishing herself every day for what she believes she "let" happen to her. We also see her lash out at Lan later on, when he tells her that even multiple Aes Sedai couldn't still a person. She completely loses it and yells at him in an attempt to communicate how powerful the Forsaken actually are. I really read that as a manifestation of her anger toward herself. For not realizing how powerful Ishamael could be. For not making the "right" choice in that moment. Again, for "letting" him do what he did to her. We know that stilling is seen as a direct parallel to a violation (an assault) and it is a really common response to relive the situation in that way and blame oneself for something that isn't even close to being the survivor's fault. It makes sense that Moiraine's trauma response would be to blame herself. It also makes it about twenty million times more heartbreaking to watch relevant scenes later on, like when she talks to Rand about what a shield feels like (she is so angry in that scene, and again, I read it not just as anger directed toward Ishamael, but a very profound, overwhelming anger toward herself), or when she seems ashamed to let Rand look at her with the One Power at Lan's request. She can't even look at Rand (or Lan, for that matter) in that moment. She casts her eyes down. She doesn't want anyone to see her in that state, and it speaks to the enormous weight of the humiliation and shame that she's been carrying all season long.

Basically, I just want someone to cradle her tightly in their arms and just tell her over and over that it wasn't her fault. That what happened to her was Ishamael's choice and his alone. That it was his cruelty, and not anything she did or didn't do, that resulted in her condition.

#tw assault #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran #moiraine and lan #moiraine's story from this season genuinely makes me cry whenever i think about it for too long #i can't understand why people think she's being needlessly cruel or unreasonable in her treatment of... everyone after she is shielded #of COURSE she is acting the way she is #not only is she traumatized #she is so fucking humiliated and furious and full of such heavy shame #and most of it is directed toward herself #anything else we see directed at others is just a hint of how she must be talking to herself #tw self harm #tw self destructive behavior

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lagomorphique · 10 days

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semi modifying my thoughts actually bc whilst I hc medic as the oldest member of the team i fucked up my numbers a bit, he couldn't have been a teen in the 20s or he'd be knocking 60 during the game and his equipment is fucking heavy

anyway here are my age headcanons for the mercs + miss p + scout's ma (because ma being older than spy is important to me) + zhanna (because I like her)

nb also that I imagine the meet the team videos were filmed shortly after our iteration of the mercs were hired, given that they're relatively unsure of each other's roles at this point and medic's tech is brand new

scout: 19 (meet the team), 23 (in-game/expiration date), 27 (comics)

soldier: 41 (mtt), 45 (in-game/ED), 49 (comics)

pyro: 30 (mtt), 34 (in-game/ED), 38 (comics)

demo: 40 (mtt), 44 (in-game/ED), 48 (comics)

heavy: 46 (mtt), 50 (in-game/ED), 54 (comics)

engie: 42 (mtt), 46 (in-game/ED), 50 (comics)

medic: 48 (mtt), 52 (in-game/ED), 56 (comics)

sniper: 24 (mtt), 28 (in-game/ED), 32 (comics)

spy: 39 (mtt), 43 (in-game/ED), 47 (comics)

miss p: 22 (mtt, if she had one), 26 (in-game/ED), 30 (comics)

scout's ma: 45 (mtt), 53 (comics)

zhanna: 35 (comics)

#putting this in the main tag bc i wanna talk to ppl about this...#team fortress 2 #tbh mostly this is just me thinking about how old everyone is in relation to each other then going from there #based off of tiny hints in canon and certain things i think theyd have been like... alive for #tf2 scout #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 miss pauling #tf2 soldier #tf2 demoman #tf2 sniper #tf2 zhanna #tf2 spy #tf2 scout's ma #tf2 pyro #tf2 engineer #mumblings #tf2

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insinirate · 10 months

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Considering how rapey KV is in canon I'm surprised by how fluffy your content is. Will you ever tap into the non-con flavor the series gives us?

i need to be honest anon i think about the real nature of their dynamic constantly, all the time, every time i hear the ost, and before i fall asleep

and then i wake up and i draw and its just them cuddling under a blankie

#idk if its escapism but something in me is hardwired to just draw the nice stuff #i do want to explicitly depict the heavy stuff that makes them ooooooooooooooo flavorful tho #but for now u guys just get the hints that something toxic is going on with them even in the AUs where things are okay #anonymous

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princessjung · 29 days

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Rika's Appearance in The Ssum (June's Route Day 36 Spoiler)

Yeah... honestly I'm already suspicious of her intention the moment she mentioned about wanting to come to his atelier. I'm gonna assume that this is during her initial stage of creating Mint Eye ideals and all that.

And Cheritz, for goodness sake, you will never catch me saying V and Rika has a good personality or make a good couple etc. Nope, never. So stop forcing these options into my face please. 😩

I do think Piu Piu's analysis is interesting as well. Especially if you're already familiar with MysMe lore.

#not gonna tag this with any fandom tag #srsly i played the ssum to get away from the mint eye drama #just to stumble right into its hole again 💀#I'm okay with this half brother of jumin thing #or the other heavy references of mm that they're making in the ssum #but i don't really know what to feel when i see v and rika interacting directly with june #i just hope this is the only time they'll make an appearance in june's route #or else i wouldn't know what to think of them #especially with rika heavily hinting this whole cult stuff like #no #let's not recruit another sickly child into your cult ranking shall we

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ifyougoillfollow · 11 months

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as we sink into the open sea

M/F, Gen | QPR MicNight | 1720 words | Selkie AU CW: Depiction of Suicide Attempt (non-graphic)

On the eve of his nineteenth birthday, Yamada Hizashi walks into the ocean and comes back with a wife.

Please understand, that wasn't his intention. Yamada Hizashi is not the kind of man to believe in tales of sirens and sea wives, and he is especially not the kind of man with dreams of snaring one for himself. He is, in point of fact, not a man of any dreams at all. Not anymore.

So he walks into the ocean, figuring that if he can't find the will to keep dreaming, then he can at least find some peace at last. He finds a wife, instead.

Or rather, she finds him.

She finds him as his body hits the sea floor, at the very moment the first wave of doubt rolls over him in one fell, unrelenting swoop, much too late for him to do anything about it. He's so overcome with it he doesn't think much of the figure that glides out of the ocean murk and sidles right up to him. Wide, shark-bright eyes peer at him, so close they fill up his entire swimming, pin-pricking vision, and all Hizashi can think about is how soon he's going to die, and how he’s not so sure he wants to die after all, and how little what he wants matters in this final moment, as in all the rest before it, and then the figure places one cold hand on his colder cheek and kisses him. She's all Hizashi can think of, then.

She's dark-haired and beautiful. And strong. And a good swimmer, too, but that's to be expected. She drags him back to shore, lips locked tight over his the whole way, and she doesn't let go until his lungs are clear of ocean brine.

Hizashi lies there, alive and silent on the cold, wet sand for a good while after. Long enough for the first hint of morning blue to blush over the horizon. The sea maiden lies with him, just as alive, just as silent, and infinitely more at ease. Cozied right up to his side, as if she belongs there, seemingly content to remain there for however long Hizashi has left on this Earth now that she's saved him. Try as he might, he can't figure out whether he's grateful or not. He does, however, remember his manners, on occasion, so when he finally finds his voice again, he uses it to thank her.

"You're welcome," the sea maiden replies. There's laughter in her voice. Hizashi doesn't know what there is to laugh about, though he finds himself wishing she'd actually done so, just so he could hear it. He used to love laughter. Impossibly, he still does.

Yamada Hizashi had a knack for making people laugh, once. It was all he knew how to do, really. He doesn't know much of anything now, least of all how to make the sea maiden in his arms laugh, so he says nothing.

The sea maiden in his arms says nothing either, at first, for just long enough Hizashi startles when she does speak: "Is that it?"

"Pardon?"

"Is that all you're going to say?"

"... Is there more I should be saying?"

"There must be." There it is again – the laugh in her voice. "You don't strike me as the quiet type in the least."

That's what it is – she's teasing him. It's much too familiar to do anything but rankle. "Listen, Miss –”

She snorts. "Nemuri."

"Listen –” his face burns as he realizes that's her given name, and he refuses to say it "– listen, I'm grateful to you for saving me and all, but you don't know anything about me."

She peels away from his side. "Liar."

"Pardon?"

"You're not grateful at all," she grunts through an impressive stretch, current-strong arms flung upward and out towards the heavens. She's wearing a sealskin cape and nothing else, and is so unembarrassed by it Hizashi can't muster up any on her behalf. She winks at him. "But you will be," she adds. Then: "Take off your clothes."

"Pardon?"

This time she does laugh – seagull-like – loud and sharp and to the point. "Well, I don't know much about land folk, but it's my understanding you don't handle being wet all that well."

Hizashi wraps his arms around himself, scowling. "I'll be fine."

"Suit yourself."

The sea maiden stands – or at least tries to. She heaves herself upward in a motion that would probably be fluid underwater, then loses her balance, toppling backwards onto the sand, rump first. The sight of her glaring down at her legs is almost enough to pull a laugh out of Hizashi.

"Stupid things," she grumbles, kicking up sand.

Hizashi does laugh, then, which is a mistake. The sea maiden stands, suddenly sure-footed in her indignation, and uses her newfound mastery over her lower appendages to kick sand in his direction.

Hizashi cannot stop laughing. He laughs until his new companion loses interest in burying him under sand. He laughs until the sun finally frees itself from under the weight of the horizon. He laughs until he almost forgets he just tried to kill himself.

When he's all laughed out, the sea maiden is still there. Sitting across from him, hands and feet planted firmly in the sand, peering at him with a smile so dry it's a wonder she doesn't hail from land herself.

Without a word, she stands again, solid and steady, all remaining traces of sea legs gone, and hauls Hizashi to his own significantly less steady feet. While he's still reeling from... all of it – the strength of her hands around his, the seafoam-salt smell of her filling his impossibly pumping lungs, the laughter still clanging through every hollow part of him – the sea maiden takes her sealskin cape and drapes it over Hizashi's shoulders.

It's soft and musky and so warm it feels more alive than he does, but, most of all, it's heavy.

Hizashi tries to shrug it off. "Thanks," he says stiffly, "but I said I'm fine."

"I heard you," says the sea maiden, rearranging the cape around him.

"I don't need it."

"I know."

She fastens the cape closed around his neck, patting his chest firmly. It's so long it covers Hizashi all the way down to his shins. On her, it must have just brushed over the sand at her feet. The uncanny warmth of it doesn't seep even as the seafront breeze hits it, makes it flap and flutter around him in a heavy, even bump-bump, bump-bump beat. Nothing could ever hope to reach him past that beat and that warmth.

"I don't want it, either," he lies, because he has to, because he's never known what to do in the face of so much want, because he's always wanted too many things, and he's wanted them too much.

"Neither do I," says the sea maiden, breezy as the morning. "Maybe we should leave it here, lying around. I'm sure no one else would find it, if we hid it well enough."

Hizashi blanches at the thought. He may not be the kind of man to believe in tales of sea wives, but he has heard enough of them to be wary of the kind of man who does. He fumbles for the clasp at the base of his throat. "Just take it back. Go home."

"Hm, I don't think so." She sidesteps his attempts to foist the cape back onto her, walking away backwards, hands clasped behind her head. "I think I'll stick around here for awhile. Explore the land realm. It seems exciting."

Hizashi chases after her, cape held out like a net. "It isn't."

She twirls away again. "Liar."

"It's too exciting, then. Dangerous."

"So is the ocean – didn't stop you from walking into it."

"That was –" Hizashi falters, loses his footing "– different," he finishes lamely, hands fisted in the sand-soiled cape caught under his knees.

The sea maiden stands over him. "You're right," she says, "that was different – I'm not going into this trying to die. I'd say that alone makes my odds of survival look pretty swell, don't you think?"

Hizashi stares up at her, looming tall against the dawn sky, so tall she dwarves the rising sun itself, and has no doubt she'd survive even the drying of all seven seas if it meant she got to live.

"You're naked," he says, because he's running out of arguments, and the will to keep making them.

"I wouldn't be if you gave me your clothes,” she shoots back, “I gave you mine, didn't I? It would only be fair."

The cape is velvet-smooth as Hizashi slides it out from under himself, warmer still from the heat of his body and the sun-washed sand, which slides off of it like ocean spray from mossy seaside cliffs. His sea maiden – Nemuri – takes it from him and helps him back to his feet. She folds it over her arm, as if merely holding on to it for the moment, and arches an expectant eyebrow at him.

Sighing, Hizashi shrugs off his coat. "Yes,” he relents, “I suppose it would only be fair."

On the dawn of his nineteenth birthday, Yamada Hizashi walks into town with nothing but a sealskin cape on his back and a wife.

Or so the townsfolk like to tell it, because the townsfolk love a good fairy tale romance almost as much as they love to pity him. In time, they will come to pity him even this moment and his sea-wild wife, as outrageous as she is beautiful, as the very ocean itself, and Yamada Hizashi will do what he has always done in the face of undue pity, which is to laugh in it and continue loving whoever and whatever he loves, in whichever way he sees fit.

But that will come later. For now, in the rosy light of a dawn he never planned to see, Hizashi walks into town beside Nemuri, the sea maiden who saved his life – the woman who will be called his wife and be so much more – and is content enough to have finally figured out he’s grateful, even if he has yet to figure out much else. The rest will follow, he’s sure, in good time and – even better – good company.

#yamada hizashi #present mic #kayama nemuri #midnight #micnight #qpr micnight #i wrote a thing #mermay #cw: suicide #it feels weird adding such a heavy content warning given that this is not a heavy story overall but better safe than sorry #anyway surprise mermay fic everyone!#it's me i'm everyone #this fic blindsided me ngl but i quickly grew obsessed with it and needless to say i got Lore #lore that i refused to even hint at in the fic because i Do Not need any more long form wips and i do love me a good one-shot #but who knows maybe one day i'll revisit this au i do so love it #also decided to post the whole fic here instead of just doing my usual ao3 link thingy because i recently locked my fics to registered user #-only because of the whole ai fuckery going around lately which y'know sucks #but this way anyone who wants to read it but doesn't have an ao3 account can do so through here so hopefully that helps #anyway #enjoy loves <3

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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the cowboy au will not hit 40k words the cowboy au will not hit 40k words the cowboy au will not hit 40k words (<- man who is crying)

#im so close.#im SO CLOSE #just.....finish. this one scene #and then. one more scene #but we are at 36k.#36!!!k!!!!#and this was supposed 2 be. a 20k fic #god fucking. dammit. i had too much fun in the first 3 chs #and left all the explaining for myself to do in the last ch #left all the heavy lifting 4 the end #'ooooh lets hint at more mysterious backstory i love hinting at mysterious backstory'#yeah but now u have 2 EXPLAIN the mysterious backstory u miserable cunt!!!!!#god i just need 2 end it i really just need 2 end it #anyway. will stop complaining and try to. actually finish this scene now. i guess

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potatcat · 2 years

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Weeks of not drawing and this is how i spend my time

#grumbo #can i just say that i like the trope where its annoyed x whipped #this can also be classified as 'please shut up' x 'how about you shut me up'#ah yes the classic 'talks alot' x 'is trying to ignore it'#HINTED. HEAVY ON THE HINTED.

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fromtheseventhhell · 5 months

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Do you think Arya will be present in the Stark vs Bolton’s conflict since George told us he intends to use Nymeria’s pack against the Bolton’s Hounds? It would make sense that Arya is present with the foreshadowing of her leading a pack which could be a combination of both the Northmen who support her and Nymeria’s pack

I think the Bolton/Stark conflict will be concluded, or on its way, by the time Arya actually makes it back to Westeros. I go back and forth on the idea of Arya returning North before the end of the story, but regarding her wolfpack going up against Ramsay's dogs...I doubt it? I don't think his Hounds are anywhere close to presenting a true challenge to Nymeria's pack, so there'd really be no stakes. While the numbers are likely exaggerated, I still think it's grown to a formidable size. I also don't see a pack of that size traveling so far, especially when the winter is coming and game is becoming scarce. If they do travel it's more likely that they'll move up the Neck (or thereabouts) given their previous movement pattern. I'm a firm believer that the Long Night won't be fought exclusively in the North, so I can see them serving as a line of defense for fleeing Northerns + against the Others. Either way, If they do end up making it North it's going to be for more than just fighting Ramsay's hounds.

#ask #anon #arya stark #nymeria #northern plot #My only concrete answer on Arya going North before the ending is that I think she leaves Braavos with the /intent/ to go North #Arya has heavy connections to the North and leadership foreshadowing but I don't think that's going to come into play here specifically #the hints are there but George is a gardener and things might not end up playing out that way #also re: the pack's movement they are obvi going to be influenced by Arya but I doubt that they'd be able to /physically/ make that trip #I also think that the numbers will be thinned out because Arya having a giant wolfpack is OP (although I can hope)#Could that be the purpose of them? absolutely but this is just what I think of it #Arya's pack destroying Ramsay's hounds would eat though don't get me wrong #I would love to see it happen I just don't know if it will

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haru-chi · 6 months

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Now that I got reminded of the abandoned station chapter let me ask the question that got me crazy till this day ...

Who eat who exactly ??

Did the Yokai in the cage eat the one outside ??

Or did the Yokai outside eat the one in the cage ??

Now if the one in the cage eat the one outside then where did the one in the cage went to afterward ??? When Seiji leave at the end, the cage was empty, right ??

But if the one outside eat the one in the cage then where did the one outside went to ?? Did Seiji let it leave ?? Did he exorcise it ??

If he leave it be then that would make no sense at all after coming this far, but he can't possibly have exorcise it too in this short period of time ...

So I'm asking once again ..

What exactly happened in this station and what was Seiji's true aim that he doesn't want anyone to know about it at all ??

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #Matoba Seiji #this been getting me crazy to no end at all #I do have this sweet little theory that let all of this make sense buuuut ...#it's too crazy .... that I don't know what to do with it ugh #or if I can say it out loud ..... -heavy sigh-#the damage this short chapter did to me is unreal ....#WHAT WAS MIDORIKAWA TRUE AIM IN THIS CHAPRER #WHAT DID SHE HINTING AT EXACTLY !!!!#ugh ... why did I get reminded of this chapter #now can someone answer my puzzle and show me that I'm just overthinking this ...#that there's nothing to fear for Seiji's well-being at alll ???#pretty please??#or if someone share the same fear as me then come and let us cry togther :)#maybe I'll finally fully share this crazy idea of mine ....#more like the true fear of mine that this little chaprer brought in me ;)

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trashlie · 1 year

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ILY FP 210, 211, 212

WOOOOOOOF I’ve been holding off on writing this post, because I wanted to wait for this whole “episode” to fully come out. Quimchee revealed they were all meant to happen in one episode, but SO MUCH was happening in the episode that it was too long to do as the one. I... kind of wish I hadn’t waited because now there is SO MUCH for me to cover, so I’m going to do my best to keep this organized and coherent.

No lie, these go up there in my top episodes, especially 212. I have a feeling I might have some different feelings than others on this one...? We’ll see, I’m keen to hear how all of you are thinking and feeling about it. To me, these episodes really encapsulate a good 80% of the plot that we’ve been dealing with, and there’s some good reveals in here that have been a LONG time coming. I think everything is set up now for the time skip to come, and especially after all the events that transpired this arc (remember how this all started out so many moons ago with Nol going to the company Christmas party? That feels like it was years ago to what is happening now!) I am BEYOND excited to see what the time skips have in store for us!

Anyway, before I start spoiling things, let’s get into it!

Well and truly, I love this arc! It’s really capture so much of the story this bigger story has centered on - the relationship between Nol and Kousuke. This isn’t the root of the story, of course, but it’s a significant portion of what we’ve come to read for, I think, and I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the characters verbally acknowledge things they’ve swept under a rug.

212 felt especially raw to me - Kousuke’s confessions are tragic in the way of too little too late, and the realization that Nol was never against him, that he was always on the same side, that they could have been an incredible team may come to haunt him. That acknowledgement of his that nobody really liked him - no one else but the one person he had demeaned and devalued until he was truly nobody - really hit me like a sucker punch. I truly thought these were truths Kousuke wouldn’t be able to reach until he lost more, like his job or his sense of self, but I guess we can argue that he’s lost a lot of his sense of self; from the moment he punched Nol, it’s clear that he’s dissociating. That also serves to tell us how important this moment is for Kousuke, what it means to him, what Nol means to him.

Now, I’ll be upright honest with you guys, because I think this is where the difference of opinions will come in. I really enjoy stories with this kind of element of hatred and care so intricately interlaced in family or friends. There’s something about this sense of care being overwritten by jealousy so scathing it mutates into resentment and hatred and loathing. The way these two feelings battle out, the way ugly emotions are so strong they come to eclipse any hope for warmth. Idk it’s intriguing to me, it creates a compelling story.

And in Kousuke’s case, it is! A running theory has been that Kousuke treats Shinae the way he does because he is, subconsciously, treating her how he wishes he’d treated Nol. As the story went on and Kousuke’s ugliness started to come out more and more and his paranoia began to consume him, I think it was probably difficult for many to find credence in this theory - that there was no way Kousuke could have cared about Nol and transferred it to Shinae when he treated Nol how he did but I’m still here for the theory. It’s just that Kousuke’s ugliness was so strong, overwhelming, it eclipsed anything else.

Now I’m not saying I think Kousuke loves Nol or thinks of him as a brother, but rather I think deep down, he understood they were connected. As a child, Nol was the only person who didn’t treat Kousuke like an object - like a puppet or rich vending machine or influence to be gained. But how could Kousuke allow himself to think so favorably of Nol when he was so deeply rooted in jealousy?

This is what I find especially intriguing about their dynamic. Something I talk about a lot is that Nol and Kousuke are both the products of abuse - Kousuke is the way he is due to neglect and manipulation, and in turn he took that out on Nol. I’ve seen people say Kousuke doesn’t make sense to them, but he DOES and this episode really drove that home and confirmed a lot of things I’d felt.

Kousuke’s treatment of Nol all stems from Rand and his affair. Let’s look at it from Kousuke’s perspective. He has a father who is never around, and when he is he’s busy and always puts his career first. He rarely joins them for family time, there’s a rift between him and his wife. All young Kousuke wants is for his father to spend time with him, to be around, to notice him. His mother tells him things - if he’s a good boy Father will pay attention; if he wants his father’s attention he needs to be just like him; if he wants Father to care to notice he must be exactly like him. But his mother also says other thing - that there’s someone else, money is being wired to someone. At school people murmur similar things.

All he wants is his father’s approval, his father’s pride, his father’s attention, his father’s time. He must not be good enough, yet. He must not matter, yet. He’ll make sure he does, though. He’ll do exactly what his mother says, he’ll buckle down just like she tells him, he’ll make sure to become the perfect son that his father can be proud of.

So you can understand, then, why the discovery that the murmurs are true, that there’s another family, would shatter him the way it did, why it remains a point of breaking for him even as an adult, why he never really reconciles his father’s affair. How is it that the man who has no time for him or their family, had enough time to create a second family? Why was he so undeserving of his time? Why was he so undeserving of his attention?

And it rooted deep inside him, right in the core of his foundation. This other boy who describes his father as someone who couldn’t possibly be the same man as his father - a funny man, a kind man. That is not the father Kousuke knows, so why does this other child know him? (Never mind that this child has also never met that version of his father.) It all stems from that: a craving for something he’s never received.

Kousuke’s whole speech about how there was only one kind, sweet, generous, funny person in his life was the very person he attacked and tore down hit me HARD. His admission of fear, that he ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO BEING SCARED, that he’ll never be good enough for Rand, that nothing he would ever do would make him worthy of his attention actually hurt. This is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting Kousuke to acknowledge and embrace, because it’s the one thing that has been fueling and propelling him. He doesn’t do this job because he’s passionate about it - he does it because he’s still vying for love and attention. He didn’t forsake his childhood because he was above it - he literally sacrificed it for his father. Regardless of what you think about Kousuke now, it has to be acknowledged that he, too, has suffered. And let’s not pretend that Yui truly believed that Kousuke could win Rand’s affection this way - it still feels like it was a game for her, a manipulation to turn him into someone she could use to get her way, a puppet if you will. It’s fucking sad to think that he gave up everything because he was so determined to earn his father’s love, that his love and attention was believed to be so conditional he had to make himself worthy of it.

“I hate you for making me aware this person exists. And I hate your face being a constant reminder of it.”

So many times, Kousuke has berated Nol for his playful, joking behavior, for seeming so lax and carefree. I’d always thought it was jealousy that he didn’t have that kind of life, that he wasn’t allowed it - and that probably is still a part of it - but now we know that when Yeonggi laughed and played around, he was a vision of a version of Rand Kousuke had never known, a spitting image of a man Kousuke didn’t even know could exist.

And as Nol points out, it was all for naught. All of Kousuke’s jealousy and his fear, tearing down Nol so that he could instead get to know that version of Rand. All of it was for naught, because who knows if that man even exists? It seems like only one person ever knew her, and who’s to know if she didn’t make him up. Kousuke has spent his entire life - sacrificed his childhood, accelerated himself through school, forsook any fun or leisure - on a quest for a man who probably doesn’t exist, for something he’ll never achieve. He spent his whole life tearing down someone innocent trying to get to something he’ll never have.

I really thought it would take for Kousuke to lose it all, to stumble in his career before he’d realize it, but here he is.

But on the other side of that, we have Nol. Nol, who also lost - and lost more than Kousuke did. Nol who was isolated and alienated, Nol who tried time and time again to reach out and create a connection, and was refused every time. Nol who suffered under Kousuke and Yui’s watch over and over. Nol, who despite it all, still tried to treat Kousuke well, still tried to give him a chance, still tried to reach out to him at his most desperate.

I think that really illustrates something important: an understanding that there is a reason for Kousuke’s behavior and his paranoia, where it comes from, but that reason doesn’t justify. I can acknowledge both that Kousuke absolutely is the product of his environment and that he has been an asshole about it lol. Idk I can admit that my intrigue in his has grown a LOT.

These episodes have just tapped into something so deep that I love about this series - that our experiences heavily color our interpersonal relationships, as well as our relationships with our own selves. Nol notes that he, too, suffered, he, too, lost, he has been alone and alienated and despite it all he still tried, and he still attempted to be a good person, in contrast to Kousuke who let his suffering turn him into an asshole. It was kind of a hard-to-read moment, because Nol spoke the truth, and as much as I feel for Kousuke, Nol is right. Because he never attempted to deal with those ugly feelings, because he never chose to face them, because he instead wore them as armor, it became his identity, he became an asshole through those experiences. Had there ever been a moment that he could have met Nol in the middle, that he could have put aside his jealousy, that he could have turned off his Rand blinders, he could have seen what Nol was able to see earlier and more clearly. And isn’t that sad? They could have been a great team, they could have had each others’ back in a world where no one else did, they could have been there for each other, but Kousuke couldn’t cross that line.

Again, I fully acknowledge that Kousuke is the way he is because of those experiences. I acknowledge that this is the wake up call he needed, that he was forced to finally reckon with the truth.

But I also worry what will come of Kousuke as a result of Rand’s arrival. Is he going to backpedal? Is this going to short-circuit something and push him to double down, or is it going to free him?

Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to earn Rand’s favor, to earn his attention. Everything he has done has been an angle to get closer to his father. Like, when you break it all down, that’s the sad, basic truth. He was a child who so desperately wanted his father’s attention that his life became about that. And here comes Rand, showing up when it looks like Kousuke is running away. Rand who never had time for him, Rand who didn’t shower him with warmth and affection.

Rand who showed up and wailed “My son” in response to Nol.

That whole scene honestly hurts me. Nol is hurt, Rand is anguished and horrified, and Kousuke? Kousuke finally witnessing his father show a fatherly side - and it wasn’t for him. And not only that but Rand might not even believe that Kousuke was trying to get help, that he attempted to get Nol up but couldn’t. And does it even matter when the truth is that Kousuke DID cause this? I can’t imagine it was his intention - I don’t think his mind went “punch Nol and he’ll fall over the railing” as much as Nol tried to leave and Kousuke reacted on that. But the point still stands: even if it wasn’t his intention, this is still ultimately his fault. Nol goaded him on and played a part, but Kousuke was the hand that acted.

I fear that this will ruin what little relationship Kousuke has with Rand - and it’s a fear because it means Kousuke could swing in two wholly opposite directions. Does he double-down and return to the side of his mother, the only family member who has made him feel like someone’s child? I don’t think he’s at the point where he can extricate himself from the family, as good as it would be. And I worry that if that’s the case, will he double back down on his treatment and resentment of Nol? For this one moment, he saw that they were equals, that they both had a broken, shitty relationship with Rand. And then Rand showed up, showing that paternal side Kousuke has longed for.

As much as I WANT Kousuke to hold on to that moment, I don’t know that he can. I think the cracks have formed and I think his fragile reality is crumbling faster, but I fear he’ll retreat back into the “comfort” of the world he knows.

Here’s the thing about Kousuke: on some level he knows. He knows that Yui isn’t great, he knows that she has done awful things, he knows that Nol did no wrong, he knows that Rand will probably never change. But these are such uncomfortable truths and he has spent his life propped up by a false reality. This was pointed out by AugmentedElle on reddit, but look at the difference in Kousuke’s flashbacks. Look at the memory in 210 vs 212. The flashback in 210 is the strongest, most vibrant memory we’ve yet seen. Ordinarily they’re in some kind of grey scale, or at least muted colors, sometimes with spot color like in Shinae’s. In Nol and Kousuke’s flashbacks thus far, we’ve seen those muted colors or alterations - Nessa’s face appearing scribbled out in Kousuke’s memories, just as in 212. The use of color suggests that the memory in 210 is, quite possibly, fabricated. It starts out with Kousuke dazed, unable to remember what just happened, and Yui comes in and tells him he won’t have to see that boy for a long time. It feels like something happened - that perhaps Kousuke did something (the huffing that parallels his huffing after he punches Nol in the current story) and blocked it out or whited out and Yui came in and gave him an iteration of the story. It’s the strongest memory because it didn’t come from him - because it was filled in and colored in by someone else. The whole time we’ve thought Nol had perhaps been pushed to the bring, that Kousuke instigated a fight and Nol snapped, but maybe it was never Nol. Maybe the whole time Kousuke has associated Nol with danger and violence - because he was wired to think that way. That whatever happened and lead to that moment was so traumatic he doesn’t have the real memory, and instead carries a fabrication.

And that is essentially the basis of Kousuke’s entire life. Regardless of intent, Yui does manipulate Kousuke. She says things knowing full-well the effect they’ll have. Consider that moment with Nol and Nessa vs Yui in Kousuke’s flashback in 212. He watches Nessa blow raspberries on Nol’s cheek, a warm and silly exchange full of so much love and care - and then he looks up at Yui, who wears her maternal mask, shadows falling eerie over her face. Doesn’t it feel so much like she set this up? Doesn’t it feel like she knew Nessa and Nol would be around? She fills his head with things like “the only way to get your father’s attention is to be just like him” and “we’re not like other families we’re so special” and “isn’t it just so wonderful that rand at least has enough time to eat with us”? That’s not vouching for Rand - that’s passive aggression towards Rand and creating an idea of who Rand is - that Rand unwittingly lives up to. Despite speaking of the affair in front Kousuke, she turns and tells him that “Your father values us too much, he would never do such a thing” - a blatant lie that only plays into that feeling Kousuke wears that he’s been cheated, that there exists a version of his father that has been denied to him. Nessa tells Nol that Rand was a kind, sweet, generous, funny man. Yui tells Kousuke that Rand is anything but funny and he has no time for jokes. Maybe both are true, but Nol’s unintentionally makes a point about how Yui speaks of Kousuke’s father, vs how Yui spoke of Nol’s father. Why would a parent speak ill of the other parent -- if not to make the child see them that way.

(She also tells him there’s nothing she hates more than people who don’t take things seriously, and well, look at how Kousuke came out.)

There’s a fragile cognitive dissonance between what Kousuke knows to be true - that is, the reality that has been shaped by his experiences and Yui’s manipulation - vs actual reality, and we’ve seen this a number of times when various events threaten that tentative balance. Kousuke at the club, angry and paranoid, is aware of what people really think of him. Deep down he knows people don’t see him as great, as an honorable gentleman. Deep down he knows he’s a selfish, judgmental asshole, but it doesn’t fit the fabricated reality he believes in, so it only comes out in his paranoia. He knows that Nol is like him, that he didn’t have the love Kousuke coveted, that he tried to get by quietly, but Kousuke’s fear and paranoia still thought of him as the boy who had earned the love that Kousuke couldn’t, and that made him a threat. He knows what kind of person Yui is and has tried to draw boundaries, but he’s still told her things about Nol that she could act on, because he knows what she is capable of. When people or events fracture that reality, he struggles and lashes out, because he needs that reality to keep it together, but it’s crumbling fast.

Between the phone call with Rand and the moment that Rand shows up on the scene - what is the state of Kousuke’s reality? Is it crumbling? Is he trying to stuff the crumbling rocks back into the foundation? Will he retreat to his mother, the only one who can keep the tint of his rose colored glasses or will he be forced to face reality for what it really is? I wish it would be the latter, but I just don’t know if he’s ready for it yet. I don’t know if he can face that which he’s run from this whole time just yet.

As for Nol, woooooooof. What a fucking NIGHT. To think - THIS IS HIS GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. On the one hand, I think, maybe this can give him some kind of peace. He’s finally gotten a piece of Kousuke’s mind, he finally knows how Kousuke sees him, what he thinks of him, and what motivated him all these years. Maybe with this knowledge, Nol will be able to walk away in peace. He doesn’t have to wonder anymore. He knows where he stands - and where he’s always stood - and I think he’s made it clear that he’s drawn his line. He is done, he is finished, with all of them. If Kousuke can find his way to the other side of the line, then good for him, but Nol has no intention of trying to bring him over anymore.

I do think there’s a lot of room for them to reconcile in the future - when Nol’s raw anger has maybe ebbed, when Kousuke has found himself and learned to stand on his own ground, rather than prop himself up by his fabricated reality. But they are far from there. I’ve said before that I had a feeling maybe we’ll see the three main characters reunite in the time skip as adults after having gone separate ways, and that feeling still lingers. Nol has made it clear that he still wants to get away - and frankly I think he needs to. I wish he’d say so much to his friends, I wish he’d tell them where they stand. I feel so bad for Shinae, who went through so much grief and angst and really put herself out there to bring him back, to get her closure - and then when she had it and was ready to let him go, he insisted on staying. For him to turn around and leave like that again, after everything she told him, after the ways she opened up to herself, god that must hurt a lot. I guess on the one hand, she got the closure she wanted but.... it wasn’t even that long ago that Nol was making jabs at Kousuke for abandoning his friends, and there he goes doing it a SECOND time.

There’s a piece I’d love to give more time and thought to - that maybe all along, on a deep, subconscious level, Kousuke feared Nol leaving and that’s why he’s always acted when Nol was on the leave. If Nol leaves he’ll be truly alone. If Nol goes, there is truly no one left who ever liked him, who ever saw any value in him. This post is already long enough, so I’ll try to spit that out later this week, if I can. I think it’s not a coincidence that Kousuke punched Nol as he was leaving, that he didn’t bring himself to do it when Nol promised he’d leave, just as he let Yui know Nol was planning to leave. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it yet, but I think Kousuke is terrified of being left alone and Nol escaping without him.

Like I said, more on that later, but it’s an important point that I think ties in really well with this relationship Kousuke has towards Nol. It’s complicated, fucked up, toxic, and messy, and it needs a LOT of untangling by professional help. But I do think these last episodes really set something up for Nol and Kousuke’s future - as much as there is so much resentment and anger between them, there’s a mutual sense of longing, of needing each other to fill a void: for Nol, he sought out a brother in Kousuke, a companion against the adults in their lives; for Kousuke, that knowledge that Nol, too, had suffered that neglect, and was the only person who had ever truly liked him. I think one day when that anger has died, when they’ve made peace and hopefully worked on themselves, when Kousuke has freed himself, I think there’s a chance they will be able to reconcile. Like I said, maybe they’ll never be family to each other; there’s so much damage there, it’s really possible that can never be undone. But I think at some point, at least, they will see themselves on the same side, rather than each other.

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Rand #Yui Hirahara #one day I'll replace my Rand tag with his full name but I can never remember it #lol as you can see this is v v heavy on the brothers and their relationship with each other #i want to maybe do a post later where i point out little individual bits i've enjoyed in these episodes or little details that stuck out to #I REALLY want to write more about their dynamic as brothers but woooof we'll see if i wind up finding the time to write everything i want ;A #i just feel SO STRONGLY about this current arc it's EVERYTHING i've been waiting for and i just have so many thoughts that are all over the #place and it's sooooo had to wrangle them into one place!!!!!!!!!#(I think this is why I like when people send asks - it helps me concentrate on one point lol)#Basically I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the content quimchee is feeding us the insight into Kousuke i have been DESPERATE #for this part of Rand the continued hints to Yui and Kousuke's relationship #and yknow even if you don't like a character (at least for me personally) i can often still find empathy #and man i feel for Kousuke in this one #all these truths he's finally releasing all these fears he's facing and one that literally materializes in front of him????#holy shit that's gotta hurt ouchies for EVERYONE #CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS ALL ON NOL'S BIRTHDAY?!#CAN YOU BELIEVE HIS LAST NIGHT BEFORE PRISON HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY IS GOING DOWN LIKE THIS?!#jesus CHRIST #ILY Commentary

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