#just have to get thru the end of august and then im. back in school again. not exactly looking forward to thAt part either but at least ill
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Hii I’d love to hear more about the nayuta plot point!!! I genuinely love ur self inserts lore 😭 I’m someone who also has plot points and very like detailed lore for my own s/i and I’m v interested in others’ as well :P
HAII AGAIN ANON ^^!!!!! WHEHE IM HAPPY U LIKE HER LORE !!! Even tho I have . Not really told much about it (because she has even MORE but I'm working on writing it all out coherently)
SO!! That Nayuta plot point :3c Well usually/canonically, since Gabi was in part 1 and stayed w// Denji at the end of Part 1, she met Nayuta w// Denji, so she and Nayuta bond ☆
In this case, then, Nayuta sees Gabi as like an older sister!!! But like that sort of older sister who's really more like a mom than anything (which also means she's fine w/ Gabi being affectionate with Denji :3c EVEN THO SOMETIMES SHE GETS JEALOUS OF DENJI [she wants Gabi hugs too >:/])
But in the case of Gabi only being present in part two (in that sort of AU), its.. a little more tricky. Because Nayuta is very protective and possessive over Denji so normally I feel like she wouldn't be cool with GabiDen :< So the only thing I could think of was giving Gabi and Nayuta a previous sort of connection, but how was I supposed to do that ??
Sooo I kindaaa,,, took some liberty with this AU and changed some things about the timing of Nayuta appearing on earth / where she appeared.
So for this AU, I wanna say the time between when Nayuta reincarnated on earth and when she was brought to Denji was maybe 4-5 months? Where she reincarnated sometime in April and Kishibe brought her to Denji in August/September. And instead of showing up in China, she shows up in America. I remember mentioning the whole thing with Gabi going back to America for a sort of "spin-off" (which isn't really a spin off but again that's a whole other can of worms) in the normal canon, but Part 2 Only!Gabi does that too. Difference is that because she's not involved in the part 1 plot, she does that a little earlier.
Which!!! Gives her the opportunity!!! To run into Nayuta during her time in America. She just runs into this homeless looking child and goes ○□○! And she takes her in!! Because why wouldn't she? And during the time they spend together in America, Nayuta gets a taste of love !!! Real familial love!!! The type that makes her feel all warm and safe and it makes her feel all at home when she's with Gabi.
Shenanigans ensue, and eventually Kishibe finds out that Nayuta is in America and is with Gabi, contacts her thru Yoshida (pretty sure I mentioned she and Yoshida are friends??), and takes Nayuta off Gabi's hands. Obviously it's a little more complicated because Gabi doesn't wanna give Nayuta up but she's eventually convinced. Mostly because Gabi's little adventure in America is starting to get kinda dangerous and she doesn't wanna put Nayuta in any danger.
But before Nayuta is taken to Japan Gabi promises her that they'll meet again!! And that she loves Nayuta and that she only wants what's best for her •×• Gives her a lil gift too but I haven't figured out what it was 💭
SO FAST FORWARD A LIL WHILE !!! Asa/Denji/Gabi "hangout" at Denji's place, that whole thing plays out and Yoru smooches Denji, Nayuta comes and does her little thing ☆ And she's about to shoot the chain thing through Gabi's head as well (cause she was nearby lmao) until she pauses and like. Takes a better look at her.
"... Gabi •^•?"
"...NAYUTA Ó□Ò💧!?!?"
And just like that Gabi gets a free pass from being turned into a dog. Well OBVIOSULY yk there's like... Some sort of explanation from Gabi (to Denji who is so confused because how does the cute girl from school know his little sister figure?) - and it definitely helps that Gabi wasn't the one to actually kiss Denji - but in the end Gabi sort of gets spared from that fate =×= although Nayuta gets like. Really super clingy and tells Gabi she can't leave but. That gets resolved and Gabi gets to leave.
Although even if Nayuta did do that funny little chain thing, it wouldn't actually work because of Gabi's "contract" she made with Wishi, which sort of makes her immune to mental devil attacks? Like she can totally be attacked physically but mental attacks just kinda bounce off. But do they know this? No !!! Not really !!!
... am I making sense? I feel like I've just been rambling all silly like 😵💫 BUT IM J REALLY PASSIONATE AND ALSO NOT GOOD AT EXPLAINING!... But I'm happy you like her lore anon 🫶🏽 Yk if you ever wanna share your inserts lore, well,,, I think I'd be really interested :0!!!
#self ship#selfship#you ask; wishi answers#self insert#HAIII AGAIN ANON THANK UUU FOR THE QUESTION ♡♡♡#always love talking about. LORE!!!!#I wrote this all out on tumblr but then had to copy and paste all of it individually bc i accidentally put a poll on the og and idk how to#delete it :((( SAD oh well#tbh now that i mentioned her here i might as well officially make her a plat/fam f/o right#⛓️🎯 nayuta [little sister f/o]#slayed☆
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friday, oct. 6
8:00PM - alright i am trying something new today. i decided to start a journal/write about my day. even if it's small entry, i think it will be good for me to write, wind down, and reflect on my day. my true intentions for this is not to get noticed haha, but more so to distract myself from bad habits, and also just to have something to do other than doom scroll. hoping this helps with my bad habits. ( i'm jer^ing off too much is what i really mean lol)
tbh i don't even know where to begin. i'd like to start off by mentioning that i have been so stressed these days. i started a new job because i quit my other one so suddenly bc it was a SHIt job. could not stand working there anymore. i you've ever worked in food YOU KNOW how shit it is. no breaks ever and constantly on ur feet all day. my manager was a c^nt (sorry) (not rlly, she was a bitch) god forbid i take a fucking break bc "cUstOmeRs coMe FiRsT" i just walked out, out of frustration. then it sucked bc i realized later it might've been a bad decision but there was nooooooo way i was going back. my pride is way to high. haha i managed to pull thru for like a month tho. been like DIRT poor and started selling my shit to be able to make it by and pay rent.
school has also been another stress, iv'e been kind of lacking and im finding myself procrastinating a lot. which is really bad bc my school has been so patient with me haha i can't afford to fail. on top of that i'm dealing with an ex bf that i had signed a lease with. my life is sooooo shit right now and i really don't know how i'm pulling thru. also forgot to mention that when i moved out, i signed a lease for student housing in august, which my other lease w/ my ex doesn't end until oct. so i'm paying rent for 2 apartments, all because my ex is a pain in the ass and doesn't care. but y'all have no idea how urgently i needed to get out. which i don't have time to get into ATM bc that's a whole shit show in it's self.
ALSOOOOOOO i started dating a new guy who i am so happy to be with, (call me a slut idc, but maybe i'll get more into details when i have time...i'll have to talk about my feelings about it and if this is even right) but it has been so hard for me to find a balance with all this shit that has been going on. i'm trying my best but i really want to cry and SCREAM. love this new guy i'm dating but damn this man is sooooooo clingy. anyways i'm just rambling haha. iv'e got to cut this entry short because i have plans to see my new mans today. didn't even get to do homework. feeling totally unproductive. whyyyyyy am i like this.
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Young royals anon again, sorry I wasn’t sure if my ask went through so I’m sending it again! If you received it already and just didn’t have time to answer i don’t want to rush you, I’m just paranoid bc I remember a few years ago when tumblr asks didn’t go thru like half the time bc of punctuation or something. Warning to everyone, discussion of potential spoilers from season 2 of young royals!!
We don’t have to worry about august coming back as prefect because I’m pretty sure the speech was at the end of the school year and august is in his last year ! I think next season will be the summer or fall semester, either way august won’t be back in school with them.
Marcus irritated me because he kept pushing boundaries but just enough that you tell yourself he didn’t really mean it etc. and so you don’t automatically cut him off because it feels like an exaggerated reaction, but that’s the worst type of guy because it’s a subtle manipulation that escalates!! Also that man was at least 18 because he can drive and you have to be 18 in Sweden, and he had his own flat lol. Not that age differences are inherently bad but that paired with the way he kept pushing Simon after simon would say no, red flag. Also the way he brought Simon’s dad up out of nowhere lmfaoo. I don’t feel bad for him at all.
Season 2 was definitely more dramatic but I think it also had more character development (especially for wille) which is why I liked it so much! We’re seeing him explore who he’s becoming and trying to balance what he wants with the wants of the monarchy (specifically because he doesn’t want to let Erik down), and it’s such a real struggle. Simon on the other hand is struggling to trust wille and learn to compromise because it seems he doesn’t really trust anyone because he’s been let down so much. It’s funny, you’d think the prince would be the more stubborn one, but wille is so used to being pushed around he’s willing to compromise to get at least part of what he wants, whereas Simon is used to being able to walk away which is why he can’t see how wille is trying to work within the constraints he lives in. Simon does start to realize the extent of lack of control wille has over his own life and that’s why he ends up agreeing to be a secret at first.
Also yes I love felice she’s such a good friend, she honestly was the only thing holding wille together this season so thank you felice.
hi hi lovely anon!! i finally got time to sit down and answer this properly hehe. again putting this under a cut so i don't clog people's dashes
that’s a great point about august graduating, i didn’t even clock that!!! thank goodness. i mean he’ll obviously still be in the show but i was thinking one of the few ways they could do a redemption arc would be him reclaiming his prefect status but he can’t do that when he’s out of school. (i’m so sorry to this man, like i keep ragging on him and maybe a redemption would be narratively good he just Annoys me)
yeah marcus was very much like 😬😬. the age gap didn’t bother me hugely (i didn’t even realise it) but there got to a point where i was like simon has told you he doesn’t want anything serious/is still not over his last relationship. like yeah it sucked he kissed wille while they were ‘together’ but YOU were the one who insisted on this relationship despite his evident reluctance. (also you’re SO RIGHT that comment about his dad was so uncalled for, when he said that i was like if a man ever said that to me i’d walk away like wtf?)
that’s actually a really good point about wille’s character development, i didn’t even think about but now i am im like oh that’s SO true. i loved him standing up for himself against the royal family and i think they were *chefs kiss* at showing this inner conflict between his wants/the desires of the royal family and wanting to uphold his brother’s legacy. When he found out erik also went to therapy!!! 😭😭 GODD wille i wanted to hug him so much this season
also it was so good bc i totally understood both simon and wille’s points, like i don’t think either of them were particularly in the wrong! like obviously wille is in a tough position and he has very little wiggle room, but i totally understood simon not wanting to have to climb back into the closet for him. it’s just so complicated and i thought they did that really well (but yeah when they got back together and they had that lil hug in the corridor in the last episode i was like 🥺🥺 like PLZZZ i missed their intimacy i want more of that next season @netflix!!!)
felice is the best character argue with the wall. i love her. constantly raising the bar and doing it flawlessly. absolutely no notes felice keep being brilliant x
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a small update
hey i know its been a while, just wanted to update yall on the situation since i havent been active much
so long story short, this is a really important year for me at school, plus ill be moving schools next year,, plus i have summer school,,,,
ive kinda burnt myself out during winter break drawing (yea ik, my fault my fault, i just wanted to have drawings done in advance in prep for school) and kinda dont have much time left to make up for the sloppily done/incomplete work
ive been working thru my burnout (protip: DONT.) which only made it worse, plus i still have big projects to wrap up to get at least a decent grade
honestly a lot of pressure is on me, mainly cus
1) my teacher is strict
2) i have been known to be one of the kids that do well in school
3) my teacher has put even more pressure on me because this^^^
4) as said earlier, really important year in school for me and im moving schools next year
5) im asian, and those strict asian parent stereotypes are extremely true
6) yay projects, esPECIALLY GROUP PROJECTS THAT ARE DUE REALLY SOON AND WE'VE BARELY HAD TIME TO COORDINATE SHET
7) working on a big class thing, my teacher has put me in charge of something big and i couldnt exactly say no to it
i could go on but to save time typing ill leave it at that for now
school ends in june, though as said earlier i have summer school, which i can only assume takes up july,, and going to a new school, ill need maybe a week or 2 to get my shet together
which leaves about the first 2 weeks of august for myself
how fun, my birthday is near the end of the second week, ill probably be working on something
anyway, assuming i can get some drawings done within those 2 weeks ill probably just really inconsistent stuff
my style's changed quite a bit since ive kinda been suppressing my anime style and been forcing a more cartoony one, so now my style looks a lot more anime
ive also been trying to redesign my persona to make it look a bit more like me, and in the process trying to let my hand do its own thing instead of forcing it to stick to the cartoony style i wanted (when i come back you can probably expect a ref sheet of my new persona)
ive also kinda have this thing where i obsess over certain things for a while, so most often ill be making fanart for whatever id be obsessed with atm,, so if ur expecting more tf2 or portal or some shet theres no guarantee
plus ive been sucked into the genshin fandom,, (i also learned what kinning is and i kin xingqiu sm,, kaeya is also my absolute fav and my dps-)
oh oh also ive been working on this rpg thing for a year now, atm its called oculi dreams, im still in the concepts phase of it so dont expect too much in the near future as im the only one actively working on it
theres probably so much i need to say but honestly ive been crying abt so many things lately this text post would go on forever and just turn into a rant-
ANYWAY TLDR
schools been shet, im stressed, burnt out, a lot of pressure is on me, im behind on schoolwork and have a limited time to catch up before report cards, school ends in june but i have summer school in july, i attend a new school in sept, my art style has changed into the more anime style ive suppressed for a while, im working on this rpg on the side and still in concepts phase, dont expect consistency when im back cus honestly ill just draw fanart for random games im into, the earliest i predict ill be active again is the first 2 weeks of august then i have more stuff to attend to for a while, it is god knows when in the morning and i still have work to do so cya then-
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thank you for the tag, @wavelovespang! 💖
what is the colour of your hairbrush? just black gjhglkjd
name a food you never eat. i don’t like squash or yams
are you typically too warm or too cold? i’m cold so i put a sweater on and then i get too hot djkkghlkjd and so it goes
what were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was re-watching bake-off!
what’s your favourite candy bar? i like almond joys (ignoring the almonds lol) or a regular hershey’s bar tbh
have you ever been to a professional sports game? ya! american football, basketball, and football (soccer)
what is the last thing you said out loud? i’m singing along to p!atd’s ‘the piano knows something i don’t know’ so “swan diving off of the deep end” ....telling, i think fdghfdkj
what is your favourite ice cream? i prefer ice cream mochi actually fhjhld and my favourite of those is caramel, vanilla, and strawberry
what was the last thing you had to drink? water always
do you like your wallet? its a hand-me-down so it was free therefore sure i like it fine dfhglkdfj it’s unfortunately cheetah print and gaudy so i’d prefer something far simpler like a regular brown or black wallet or something but ghgldfghdkj
what is the last thing you ate? brownies i made!
did you buy any new clothes weekend? bahaha- no.
what’s the last sporting event you watched? like, actively? i can’t recall
what is your favourite of popcorn? lightly salted
who is the last person you a text message to? one of the bosses at my job asking about my shift tomorrow lol
ever been camping? hell no <3
do you take vitamins? i should but i don’t gkjhkd
do you regularly attend a place of worship? i don’t
do you have a tan? when i can go outside in the summer i do but otherwise i’m somewhat pale
do you prefer chinese or pizza? pizza but it has to be really good
do you drink your soda through a straw? i don’t drink soda unless it’s an ice cream float so no dfhkjghlkd
what colour socks do you usually wear? striped or white
do you ever drive above the speed limit? driving scares me so if i do it’s no more than 5 or 6 above the limit on the rare occasions i have to drive
what terrifies you? see #23 lmaooo ALSO willful and/or learned racism/ignorance/bigotry etc.
look to your left, what do you see? my blank wall fdhgkjdfl and then up some a graphic art of freddie mercury ✊
what chore do you hate most? cleaning the shower or the sink
what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? h2o: just add water the mermaid series fdjkghglkhdkj or brian jordan alvarez getting on australian news for his fake accent lmaooooooooo
what’s your favourite soda? i don’t drink any too often ://
do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru esp during covid
what’s your favourite number? not sure i have one
who’s the last person you talked to? mi madre
favourite meat? really good and well done steak
last song you listened to? right now the higher pitch of ‘cherry wine’ by hozier is playing GOD i love lesbian hozier hgkjhfddkj
last book you read? i’m trying to finish the portrait of dorian gray bc i started it years ago fjkhldhdkj
favourite day of the week? currently mondays because of manner of death jkhlgkjd
can you say the alphabet backwards? am i a magician dfjkhdkj im lucky if i can say it normally without stammering bye
how do you like your coffee? i don’t like coffee <3 (unless it’s ice cream)
favourite pair of shoes? a really old hand-me-down of my sister’s that are white k-swiss she had from middle school lmaooo she’s like 25 and im 21 now so ya they’re mad old and falling apart but i love themmm
time you normally get up? around 9:30 am
what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets i guess :// (*cries in teh/oh-aew*)
how many blankets on your bed? two!
describe your kitchen plates. mixed patterns lol
describe your kitchen at the moment. messy
do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? no i don’t drink regularly enough to have one
do you play cards? no i find it confusing and boring lol i’d rather play a more interactive game like cards against humanity or something
what colour is your car? i share it w my sister and it’s grey/silver
can you change a tire? no hdfkjhgldfkj would’ve helped when i hit a curb back in august lmaoo rip
your favourite state or province? i haven’t been there but maine just aesthetically. or maybe alaska because i HAVE been there and i love it
favourite job you’ve had? i like the one i have right now tho it’s an internship and i don’t mind my part-time cashiering bc i like talking to people :)
thanks again cass! like cass i’ll tag the gifted gays gc 💖 @giftedgays
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Ghost Busting
The spirit appears and works in mysterious ways. Last Tuesday, I revisited my collection of writings to find something I had written in November of 2006 and had posted to my MySpace account.
I found a list of 20 things that I written about, made some slight edits and added another item to the list!
See if you can detect what song was the subject of 19-21.
Read below to find out!
Connecting thru music!
More musical gifts
Current mood: awake
I can’t sleep…I feel like a detective possessed by solving a mystery…kind of like they do in the movies…the person has no real home life, they just have to solve the mystery.
Ever since the Rick Allen incident, I have been followed by Def Leppard music. Lately it has turned itself up a notch…the songs come flying at me instantly.
Check out these recent events involving Def Leppard and a few companions…I will type this up in a chronological form.
1) Oct 9th, 2006. While I was driving back home to LA from El Capitan Canyon, north of Santa Barbara, I pondered on a Jack FM concert that I saw in August. Before that concert, I had told my brother that I would only go if I could go as a VIP. Well...that never happened...until the actual day of the show my good buddy Jason had an extra couple of tickets-- he won VIP tickets. It featured Def Leppard as the headliner. I thought about that band a bit on my drive. As I was driving I had to pull over to go to the can at a gas station near Calabassas…and somehow met the Def Leppard drummer, Rick Allen (i wrote a song called “Whistle on the Pot” inspired by the story. Long story short– we were in line for the bathroom…however he didn’t even end up going to the bathroom– so it seems he was there just because I thought of him– it was very surreal.)
2) I started hearing Def Leppard songs everywhere…I wish I had written them down…but you’ll see how they showed up in November.
3) Fast Forward to Friday, Nov 3. I had a date that night…on my drive to her place, my choice of car music was the U2 album “Unforgettable Fire.”
4) Saturday, Nov 4. Oops…I find out I left a mark on my date’s neck. It was embarrassing, frankly.
5) Sunday, Nov 5. The very next morning while walking in Trader Joe’s I heard “Love Bites” by Def Leppard– Laughed out loud…now that is funny!
6) Monday, Nov 6. My radio alarm clock wakes me up to “Foolin’” by Def Leppard. True! Not foolin ya!
7) Just before bed time, I sent an email to that same woman I am dating w/ the song “Sugar” in it by Dan Wilson and express that it was beautiful when she mentioned the word “Surrender” to me a few weeks previously.
8) Tuesday, Nov 7. The next morning, I woke to a song called “Bad” by U2 from their “Unforgettable Fire” record... just before Bono sings the line “Surrender.” Amazing...
9) Later that evening, I entered my studio w/ my Itunes on random playing the song, “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard…thousands of songs and it happened to be a DL song w/ the word “Sugar” in it. Wowza...
10) Wed, Nov 8. My date called to say she heard a song at yoga class and wanted to know what it was…she sang a few lyrics, I knew it to be “Landslide” by Stevie Nicks/Lindsey Buckingham. I told her that Lindsey Buckingham is actually playing The Wiltern Theater and that I would mail her an mp3 of “Landslide.” I found “Landslide” on “The Dance” album of Fleetwood Mac. Also on it, an amazing version of Lindsey playing and singing “Big Love” acoustically and forwarded that song as well.
11) Thurs, Nov 9. I taught the song “Blackbird" to a guitar student. Later, I did an IM (Instant Message) with a friend who just happened to be emailing with the songwriter, Paul McCartney, at that moment.
12) I visited my friend’s place and told him that I am reading the book "Living, Loving, and Learning” by Leo Bascaglia…he then pointed to a bunch of furniture in his home that used to belong to Leo.
13) I made arrangements to attend the Lindsey Buckingham concert…which I gracefully got to attend for free.
14) Friday, Nov 10. I attended the LB show…walked into it late…but perfectly about 10 minutes before LB plays “Big Love.” He performed it intensely and the crowd erupted…I sat and then stood in wonder.
15) Sat, Nov 11. Upon returning home from the health club in my car, I listened to a radio station that was going to play a song by a band called Wired All Wrong…I turned the station because I thought that the name choice is not very ultimate (My band, The Lift, had a song called Wired- -which is about being connected to peeps) and turned it to a station that happened to be playing “You Can Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac, sung by Lindsey Buckingham…and performed by him the night before…now that was the station for me! The next song, “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Okay…I am starting to go thru the roof with this…thankfully, I was driving my bro’s convertible!
16) Sun, Nov 12. I told a few friends all these stories…including my bud, Braden.
17) Mon, Nov 13. I got in my car to go teach elementary schooI and turned on the radio to find a re-broadcast of the in-studio appearance w/ Lindsey Buckingham– within a minute he is playing “Big Love” live…I called Braden to tell him…he happened to be listening to “Landslide” at the time. HOLY FREEKIN $#*t!!!
18) I emailed a few peeps about #17- including my brother, Brett.
19) While emailing my brother during a school break, a student came back into class during recess..and mentioned that her “uncle” had written and recorded a popular movie soundtrack song from the mid 80’s– I told her that I happened to know him and that his wife was my modeling agent.
20) Ten minutes later, I called my brother to get his reaction from 1-18…he then said, “I don’t know what to think about it, though I did hear a song twice today, and I had not heard that song in years.” That song happened to be the song in #19. He had no idea of #19 when I called him...
Speechless.
21) Tuesday, October 13, 2020, I read this writing for the first time in years…and I had just one guitar lesson for that day…and guess what…my student asked to play the song that was the subject of #’s 19 & 20.
#it's just another magic monday#def leppard#rick allen#foolin#love bites#pour some sugar on me#U2#unforgettable fire#surrender#bad#fleetwood mac#go your own way#big love#landslide#dan wilson#sugar#paul mccartney#blackbird#leo bascaglia#ghost busters#synchronicity#magic#weareallconnected
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hannah birthday/appreciation post!! 😌🎁💌
hannah *** my sunshine..... bitch.... i love u so much :( this is probably gonna be a huge sappy unorganized mess but i wanted to make this post to dump all my love about u on this Hellsite!! 😚@soyeon
ngl, one of the few reasons i decided i wanted to come back to tumblr was because i missed u so much!!! and u wouldnt come back to sc or ig smh :/ but lasjdfsadf tbh as much as i hate this Site im so glad i came back bc ur such a light in my life!! u r someone who has a bright and super sweet aura ✨✨ (if that makes sense?) u are so loving to basically everyone u meet and especially towards your friends <33 (so beautiful INSIDE AND OUT BIH LIKE SRSLY IM.... DONT GET ME STARTED ON UR LOOKS I LOVE UR EYEBROWS U KNOW THAT ALR BC I SAY IT SO OFTEN HAHA BUT!!!! pls i could go offffffff but i will refrain bc this is already gonna end up as like a 2K word paper) like... our meetup last summer was so random and spontaneous lmfao thinking back idk how i was so BOLD?? but even tho we had only been talking for a couple of weeks u still took the time to make me a whole ass bracelet and letter!!!!! 😓😓(also wow tragic how i forgot to give u ur gifts... like that was so sad yike) like no wonder u have so many people who love u!! (even if u dont realize it)... just scrolling thru ur blog can deadass brighten anyone’s day up?? which is like: h o w!!! maybe u are secretly an angel ;-) when u made that mutual mention post and mentioned me as “sun/sunshine” i was like :0!!!!! bc THATS UUUUU for me and my life!! ☀️ im so glad we could be each other’s source of light and happiness and i cant wait for AUGUST 👀❤️bc we will for sure make some amazing new memories :’)
okay... now onto the birthday part (this is as organized as its gonna get) BUT HANNAH!!!!!!!! U R OFFICIALLY A SWEET 16 YR OLD LOL!!! 💛(i feel so fucking old holy shit wow) i rly cannot believe ur 16 bc like??? idk we click so well and id never expect myself to be such good friends w someone younger than me??? also v ironic bc when we hung out we could defs see that i was the baby out of the two of us YIKES i have many more new stories of paranoia i have to share w u laksdfsdf 😩even tho ur junior year is coming up and its gonna be Tuff.. we will be able to suffer together,, watch u get more work than me HAHA ur school is wildin;; but im so excited for the amazing things u are about to accomplish and remember that ill always be here to support u no matter what 😙💖💖! u are such a hardworker im. wow
lastly,, i hope u have an amazing bday and im so sad im not there w u to celebrate :( BUT!! we shall definitely have a joint bday lunch/dinner date to celebrate both our bdays !!! 💓the possibilities r endless.... like kbbq, bingsoo, fried chicken, sushi (idk if u like raw fish), pizza date omg!!!, etc... u have no idea how excited i am tbh my native ********* gal! also... when i go back to hawaii for breaks im stuffing u in my suitcase idc... like we could go to the beach!! road trip around the island!! eat a bunch of hawaiian food... AHHH anyway i love u and this conclusion was supposed to be like 2 sentences but.... yes. HAVE A GREAT DAY I LOVE U MORE THAN U KNOW 😘💞😓🌷
#um... i love u so much bye#when we're technicallyyy a year apart now LMFAO#june 16th??? the most important holiday in the world?#yes.#also thx again for clicking thru like 20000 of my snaps WOW#i love u best friend <3 :')#@hannah
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Top six post war Ginny Weasley headcanons (imagine if she plays Quidditch for England, chooses not to marry and have children and becomes a cool aunt to her friends kids, travels around the world supporting revolutionary movements and donating money, graces wizard magazines because let's face it, this girl is GORGEOUS)
so i talked w cindy abt this bc all my headcanons are actually cindy’s headcanons bc she’s always right & anyway we both decided that ginny is a pretty straightforward character (this also being the only straight thing abt her) and what we see is what we get so there’s like,, no fun in making up headcanons abt her really..... like, she plays quidditch, she travels, she doesn’t settle down, she’s btfl and full of energy..... yeah
anyway my girl still talked abt ginny so im just gonna copy-paste u her texts but yeah, there’s basically no Top Six
right after the war the burrow is piled up with people bc harry is Officially Homeless lmao, and hermione is doing that thing where she just stays and like, doesnt leave, and everyone's grief is suffocating so ginny leaves the house and goes across the hill to visit luna, who is still rattled from being locked in a dungeon for several months (they gossip about dean and draco and about peter pettigrew wildly enough bc ginny loved sirius and luna has some observations about peter that rly makes them Think abt what went down btwn the marauders, new perspective etc). anyway so ginny gets out of the house by making sure luna is okay and visiting bill at the cottage bc its quiet there and bill's grief over fred is more tolerable than her entire fucking family's all at once in the burrow.
its like, she's doesnt do much because its summer and like, there's no villain anymore and mcgonagall and kingsley are running around trying 2 repair everything voldemort broke and ginny is wondering if the school is even going to be open in fall for school considering everything thats happened and the fact that its half destroyed and wildly understaffed now
she goes and helps clean up hogwarts because thats what everyone else is doing and she needs to keep occupied instead of staying at home alone with her mom while she cries. so ginny spends the summer after the downfall of the dark lord helping clean up hogwarts, talking to bill and luna, avoiding her mom, and raising her eyebrows at harry across the dinner table bc its really unclear how harry is handling everything lmao.
when its late august and school is around the corner, the weasleys decide its time to back to the shop. they've been avoiding it, collectively, since freds death but it seems like its time to get it cleaned up and started back up again. so the last couple weeks of august has the weasley kids cleaning up the shop and ending the day drinking copiously at bars or in the backroom, talking about fred and forgiving percy and speculating about what life is going to be like now
also a couple weeks later harry takes off on his roadtrip, needing to be mobile, and hermione goes back to school for her seventh year and ron goes to help percy and george in the shop so the trio is split up for months and months and ginny gets to know what its like to be in class with hermione and be the third wheel to her and ron and she kinda misses harry for that
so ginny drifts thru her last year at hogwarts and its super weird and not very fun and v strained and there arent enough players for quidditch anymore so she's just doing scrimmages with whoever's left and hanging out with luna
this is the part where ginny starts training more and more bc she feels a little like being on her own for a while, and ginny is usually a p popular girl but a few students dont come back to hogwarts and some of the ones that do are a little unbearable when they bring up fred or colin or literally anyone who died who ginny once knew and made laugh. ginny's usually popular but the first half of her seventh year, she's kinda done having to be a leader and shit, she's kinda exhausted from it all.
it gets easier tho, of course, and things are more or less back to normal by the time ginny graduates. except for the part where its the first anniversary of the battle and the first anniversary of fred being dead. but bill and fleur have a new shiny daughter, and that helps a lot.
post graduation ginny is kinda just enjoying doing not much at all. she gets a job as a barmaid or waitress or something, because its easy to flirt tips out of everyone and she makes a good amount of money and near enough her brothers' shop she can go bug them if she's bored on her break. seamus is also around, bartending down at hogs head while he does auror training, so she sees dean with him every now and again. luna has lunch with like everyone these days so there's no telling, when she agrees to meet with luna, who else might show up.
after a year of that, ginny winds up getting drinks with almost the entire old gryffindor quidditch team and oliver wood wont stop trying to convince angelina to try out for the open position on some quidditch team he knows about and it sparks a discussion about their life choices and how its a shame harry isnt going pro even tho oliver knows its a lost cause and ginny starts thinking about how dope it would be to play quidditch professionally and katie tells ginny that a girl from her recreational quidditch team needs a roommate. so just like that in a night, ginny decides to move out and start training more seriously.
its not immediate: ginny doesnt try out for a team until she's like, nineteen. she doesnt get in but tries out for another team when she's twenty. its a low level team but its still professional and she gets in.
at fleur's christmas party, she and krum talk in a corner for hours, and viktor tells her that she hasnt been on her team for a year, but someone is already looking to poach her. its the fact that she can play chaser and seeker with equal skill, he says. its the fact that she's ruthless. viktor tells her that her next game, someone's going to be watching.
they are and ginny's offered a place on a really good quidditch team before the season's out. she's about to take it when the harpies call too.
its like, she gets to travel most months from the year and its exciting because she gets to see charlie every now and again when her team plays near romania, or gets to see bill and fleur when they're in france and she happens to be playing nearby. she gets to play against oliver and viktor, which is wildly fun and satisfying, despite who wins. she gets to treat her brothers to tickets to games and watch ron bug out
#Anonymous#talking#i think that's my tag idk lmao#anyway this is long i didn't realise#but yeah if u ever wonder what it's like to text cindy#this was like half an hour of a random evening#harry was eager to see more magic
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ebarg thoughts - my swan song
just some shitty thoughts that I need to vent
I honestly don’t know how to start this, or what even to write. Where should I begin? How should I spin this tale? What will the ending be?
I’ve been struggling with formulating coherent thoughts over the last few weeks and months, and honestly, I can’t be fucked to start pulling myself together. Putting aside my academic obligations, thinking itself - in a logical, calm, and sensible manner - has become a huge burden. Even with the academic strain, I have struggled to perform and study up to the standards that I should be performing at.
This year has been ridiculously tough on all of us. At the beginning of 2020, no one could have ever predicted the shitty predicament that we would be in, from the very first month of the year.
I have to say, it’s fucking shitty that I’m in this state of mind once again. I’ve worked so hard to pull myself together back in 2018, and honestly, I managed pretty well in holding myself together all throughout the year of 2019.
I suppose I should reflect on my mental state from the beginning. Honestly, I’ve been struggling with this bullshit internally for nearly seven years, by my most gracious estimate. Although, I hesitate in claiming anything since I have not been diagnosed or even talked to any mental health professional. But, you know, at the risk of misdiagnosis, I have done research, bounced ideas off of different sound boards, ie. the people who I value in my life, and their opinions thereabout.
Having established my fragile state of mind, things could only get worse by the end of 2017. In my third year of college, I was elected to be an officer of our mother org, which I had no experience in at all. It’s not a surprise that there were a lot of struggles that faced me, a lazy procrastinator with whimsical ideas about life who was suddenly handed the responsibilities of a secretary. I did my best, or so I’d like to think, but it wasn’t enough to meet the standards which I should have worked at. I failed. I’m not going to sugarcoat shit. I failed horribly. I tried to learn as best I can from my failures, and I’d like to think that I may have improved from that.
At the same time, by the end of the semester, I had failed one of my subjects due to my own irresponsibility. I really don’t want to get into it but I accepted everything that happened. It was one of the only times that I broke down in school. I remember, 2017 was the year that two of my dearest friends saved me. To this day, I still love them unconditionally because at my worst, they were there, and at my best, they were the reason.
Anyway, fast forward to mid-2018, the end of our third year in college. By that time, I had lost my love for our org and had started spending more time with another. Although I did not neglect my duties, I had only given the bare minimum. I struggled with a few but our efforts were not enough to salvage the dumpster fire that was our responsibility. Again, I learned and I promised to never make the same mistakes again.
Enter our fourth year of college. It was the year where we had to finish our thesis, finish our internship and pass our other academic requirements in order to graduate. On top of that, I was appointed as the managing editor of our college paper. I was elected into the minor position of PIO within out college subcouncil. I was elected to be the President of our University’s student volunteerism organization. I don’t know if I’ve stressed this enough but I was not a responsible student. I resented my course. I chose neither Accountancy nor Accounting Management, and out of spite, I neglected my academics.
I struggled with juggling my other responsibilities on top of trying to have a social life. So it was a month into our fourth year that I tried to kill myself. I have already been actively selfharming for a few months by then, and it all peaked when I has one shitty night, and I drank a betsin cocktail of my own making. But I was stupid and I didnt have nearly enough to even give me a stomach ache. I probably should have gone for an overdose or something.
But to my shame, I didn’t die. I dont think anyone even knew what I attempted. I was lucky. A few weeks later, we had a team building activity, which I attended with some of my closest friends. They saved my shitty self again that day. For the first fucking time, i saw what I’ve been blind to for such a long time. I had people that actually fucking cared about me. I could not lose them. I’ve pulled my shit together. A friend made me promise to stop selfharming, and honestly, I was pretty good at keeping that promise.
Fast forward to mid-2019, I guess. My family had already decided I was going to be enrolled into law school. I’ve been struggling with the idea, I was willing but I wasn’t quite sure. Nevertheless, I pursued it. It was an amazing first sem, honestly. I met a lot of great people. I made a new family. We all went through the same struggles and joys. It was a whole new unique experience. By this point, I was in a pretty good mental state. I was stable. I made a promise to myself that I’d actually be making an effort, academically-speaking.
Of course, it wasn’t easy. On top of the already harsh standards demanded by law school, there were external stressors. Everyone has struggles in law school. Everyone had their own problems. These were mine: family expectations, distorted self-worth and self-view, struggling social life, and I was missing my first family - my closest friends.
Fast forward again to 2020, and holy shit. What a fucking year. It isn’t even over yet. Taal volcano exploded. Tried to help around in the ways I can. Still studying diligently. Then covid happened. Quarantine and lockdown enforced. That was a whole other struggle. Everyone had to adjust to learning on their own and thru online means. Still, it wasn’t too bad. We missed each other’s company but we managed somehow.
Having been in a stable headspace for the past n months, I decided to get back into the dating and social scene. Being the haliparot that I am, I made landi like it was going out of fashion. It was fun. Met a few people, got watered, figuratively speakin, y’all know what I’m saying? But then fucking shitty people making shitty decisions. Engineers are ghosters, y’all can’t change my mind. Engineer, if you ever read this for some reason, fuck you. (but if you want, I’m still head over heels for you, you shitty fucking fuck)
ANYWAY. Around July or August, my mom got sick. She struggled with her health. Those few weeks that she was out of commission was tough. She’s the only person working in our household, so we all depended on her income. I wanted to drop out and work, because I needed to help my parents. But I kept studying because sayang naman daw if I wasted my time. Im a full time student, being supported by my family. They wanted me to focus on studying. So I did.
Then about a month or so ago, my dad got sick. He can’t get up without getting dizzy. At first it was just blood pressure issues, which became blood sugar issued but now, apparently, it’s some fucking brain issues. My cousins have been covering the medical expenses and honestly, we’re struggling so fucking hard to live right now. I really want to drop out of school and work, just so we can have stable income but with this shitty situation we’re in? holy shit
the past few weeks have been a struggle. academic burn out. social burn out. i’ve been contemplating selfharm again. i want to die. my body is giving up on me. everything is hurting. i cant talk to any of my friends because im scare. i know i can rely on them but im so fucking scared. im becoming naother huge disappointment. im falling into a pit of my own making. i dont know what to do. i cant focus on my studies. im performing subpar. i need to support my family. my social life is dead. my heart is broken. im doing my best but my best right now? it’s worth shit.
im trying to pull myself together but i dont know where im at right now
im trying to reach out but i know how much people are also struggling and i dont wanna take away their time and effort
trying to look for work but im abrely qualified
constant headaches and body aches
my heart is still crying for him
my soul is condemned to eternal suffering
our society is falling apart
our economy is fucked
history is repeating itself
politics is bonkers
people are dying
i dont know what the shit is oging on
i want to die
i want to live
i want to survive
i miss my friends
i miss my fmaily
im tired
im so fucking tired
i dont know what to do
i just want to die
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blog- 9th february.
i- as an american doing pretty damn well job of pulling off as british- do not like to do american-like things. such having having wet and cringe humour, being unnecessarily loud, being blatantly ignorant on world culture/affairs (no offence), and especially opening myself up. one thing i’ve noticed is that brits always keep to themselves and rarely discuss thier deep feelings and thoughts with other people. they’re not very open to tel you their life story, and i’m the same way.not to say that i’m not down to earth, bc i very much am. i just stay quaint when it comes to public situations. that being said, my journey and story on my sexuality is very personal, deep and complicated, and unfortunately, i feel like i have to go into massive detail on what’s all happened and how it’s impacted me. it’ll make me vulnerable, but easier to understand and empathise with. this is going to be a particularly long read tho.
the date is 07/07/2010. it was the summer before the 7th grade and i had just realised my sexuality only a few months earlier. the worst night of my life. the night my parents found out about my sexuality. i was only 12. but the way the found out was rather quite stupid and embarrassing (no i wasn’t wanking and it wasn’t porn). at the time, i didn't have a phone. and my favourite show would come on at 1 am. but i didn't feel like staying up late, so what i did was borrow my grandmas phone and set an alarm. well in the alarm it had an option for a message. well my dumbass self put “get the hell up you bisexual fucker”. yeah. well, when my grandma went to puerto rico for a funeral, she left her phone bc she wouldn’t have any service over there. and i had forgotten to take off that alarm. so my mom is just going thru the phone (idk why) and she happens to come across it. she calls me downstairs and confronts me about it. after about 10 minutes what seems like an interrogation ( and me not talking, i felt as tho i had no choice but to admit it). they started crying and told me how its never okay even if the world says it is, and they brought up sodom and gomorrah and told me i needed to have a long prayer. my relationship with them hasn't never really been the same since then. so after that, i kinda ignored thinking about my sexuality. i would just go thru my day, occasionally look at gay pictures at night, then go to sleep. then, toward the end of 7th grade, i ended up taking nudes and sending them on http://showyourdick.com (terrible, i know) and they. ended. up. seeing. the. pics. it made things a shit tonne worse. i was still closeted at school, i had been accused of being gay as early as 4th grade, before i even knew i was gay (im actually bi/pan, but lets just use the word gay for now). fast foward to the beginning of 9th grade (late 2012). i had already been stanning nicki for almost a year, but i was still closeted. i also had a tumblr account(not this one). not only did i still kinda feel bad about being gay, but i was terribly insecure as well. i ended up starting to cut myself around late September. but for a while it was only on my thighs bc i didnt want anyone to see. later, in january 2013, i was feeling really depressed one night, and i kinda went on a cutting tirade. (trigger warning) i even cut my arm. i remember feeling the warm blood running down my leg and feeling dizzy, with my ears fogging up and nearly passing out in the bathroom. this next part may sound wierd. maybe its just me, maybe it was the fogging in my ears, idk. but i remember hearing nickis voice, almost aloud, and she said Stop. crazy init. the next morning, i got really scared, bc my sleeve wouldn't completely cover up the scars. well, one of my teachers saw (i still dont know who) and reported it to the office, and one of the guidance counselors called my parents and told them. another really bad day. the next day, my guidance counselor called me down, even the principle came in the room. they told me they were sending me to a place where i would have therapy. i agreed to it, but i wasnt aware that i would be forced to spend 3 nights there. its called being Baker Acted. the deputy at my school called my mom and told her where they were taking me but they didn't tell her i was required by law to spend 72 consecutive hours there. so when she came to pick me up that night, thats when she found out. needless to say she was crying. alot. and as if it wasn't bad enough, it just so happened to be her wedding anniversary. i end up relapsing 2 more times after that whole ordeal. the last time was march 9th, 2013. so things temporarily improve for the summer. i ended up (finally) coming out to my closest friends. but i never made a big deal out of it. like i never made a big post on facebook or IG or anything. I kinda just let people figure it out and have their own assumptions. so september rolls around and i end up getting depressed again (september is always a bad month for me) but i promised myself i wouldnt cut myself again. so i end up overdosing. alot. 7 pills at a time. (it was just vyvanse tho, its not like it was percs or oxycodone.) so my parents went thru my texts and they found out about what i was doing and thats when the trust begins to deterioate again. they would always take away my phone at night. they said its bc of some report they saw on the news where having your phone in your room while your sleeping is unhealthy (which.. they were right. but it’s ovbious that wasn’t the real reason they took it.) it was bloody annoying. but back then, they would only take it on school nights, and sometimes i would sneak it back, and although they got mad, they wouldn't really do anything about it. also, as you could’ve probably guessed, i had downloaded a couple of gay apps because i was curious. the first time i downloaded grindr, i was in the 8th grade. and it wasn't the only app i would download. there was also hornet and jack’d. well, theres this one guy who i ended up talking to. and i end up sending nudes to him on kik. and my parents end up going through my kik. this was in december 2013. my horny self was just tryna hookup. welp. they see the messages. things go downfuckinghill fast. they barge into my room, one second they're yelling at me shoving the screen in my face and then the next thing I know my dad is shoves me down and kicks me multiple times, and my mom ends up calling the police and filing a report. to say it was traumatising is an understatement. but because it's kik, theres not much they can do. this renders me phoneless all the way until june of 2015. and at this point i wanna take a little bit of a detour. bc i almost feel as though my life as a normal teenager has been robbed.
some of you may ask why i didn’t move in with relatives or just file a report to social services.
they wouldn't let me. and bc they're broke and aren't good at finances, that's what they (we’re) doing anyway. my family is living with my grandparents for like the 4th time since i was born. so they change the password in my phone and im only allowed to use it when they say (this is february 2014, roughly) and i have to be in the same room as them. and then in march, something goes wrong with my phone and it wont read the SIM card. so now i can't even call or text. things just didn’t get better that year. its summer 2014, and now they suddenly change the password to my laptop. (they still won't tell me the password). i started crying and begged them to change it back. so they did. but just a month later, on July 11th, they change it. and its stayed that way. so now its june of 2015. they buy me a new phone, but they said there are "rules for having the phone" and they take it away every night. well, in november, i had downloaded grindr. theres this feature on my phone where i can hide an app, but one day, back in november, i forgot to hide the app. so they saw it. and they didn't even open the app (it was password locked) and i refused to give them the password. so now im phoneless.... again. and this time they wouldn't even let me use it... at all. so i went back to having to use my grandmas phone and computer to log onto Twitter. for the longest time, i could only be on twitter from 4-8pm on weekdays bc thats whenever i had access. fast foward to april 2016 and im taking a college class across town. all of a sudden, my mom hands me my phone, and im shocked. she says im only having it on a "limited basis". so for about a month, im only allowed to use it outside the house, but they eventually let up. every once in a while, we still get into an argument about it. may 2016: its time for me to choose what college to go to. my mom had made me apply to a christian university about 30 miles away. i didnt wanna go, but the other college i had been looking at had ran into financial trouble, the big public university in my city didn't accept me, and i didn't wanna go to a community college. plus, the christian university (southeastern University) offered me a bunch of money in scholarships. and i honestly felt forced to go. by august of 2016, things start to drastically change. most of it is in a good way, but there are still some things that are... iffy, for lack of a better term. i’m beginning to lose weight and my grades are actually good for once, but my phone is still taken way at night all the way to december, when they finally stop. then in january 2017, i am finally able to buy an iphone. at this point, everything sort of catches up to the previous post. there’s still loads for me to explain but this is enough for now.
on a side note, it’s amazing how different things are for me now after looking back at all that. i still can’t believe that we are in 2019 and that i graduated high school nearly 3 years ago. i’m gobsmacked at how much i have changed since then. it’s a lot to ponder on. and i’m glad to say that i’m currently at the happiest place i’ve been in for years. maybe ever.
end.
#blog#teen blog#text post#personal story#lgbtq story#homophobia#homophobic parents#uni#rant#diary#male diary#boys diary#online journal#journal#dear diary#school#lgbtq mental health#lgbtq community#lgbtq support#inner thoughts#journey#coming out#grindr#can yall actually read this ffs#at least one person#im not writing this for no one to read lmfaooooo
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Experience
Ok i have a bit more time now……im gonna start by taking you back in time…….just gonna mention im not a religious person with a label, im not one who goes to church or read the Bible….ive always known that there is another side because relatives have visited me in my dreams over the years….not crazy often but when they do its great! And usually a message for me or others….so i have been spiritual but in a different way as most…..i had a great childhood. My Dad was a police officer,detective, narcotics officer and was in the Navy, football star in high school married my beautiful Mom and had me and my sister. Life was great. When is was 13 he was out with his friends on his motorcycle and going one block after leaving where he was his wheel wobbled and he crashed into a telephone pole and two cars wearing a helmet going maybe 30 mph……brain damage severe…..he was in a coma for a month and died. Life was hard. He was my world. And still is! Taught me a lot in life….i went on in life and had two kids, became a woodworker for the last 20 years and live by the lake just like I did when i was little. I married my husband and we like to skateboard everywhere, life is good again. I bought a moped cuz i miss being with my Dad and riding with him…..it was the best, i ripped it all apart put new parts on the whole darn thing, fixed the engine etc….I felt like him and enjoyed it! I felt him riding with me every ride. I loved riding! On July 31st i was with one of my friends who also mopeds and we went on a ride to the beach. I dont remember anything of this day but apparently i was at her house, we grilled out hung out with friends and went for a ride….at some time my front wheel messed up my brake got caught in the Rotor holes…i am guessing cuz that is the one thing my mind kept telling me i needed to fix that brake……i was going 25mph wearing a helmet and my bike slid and head went into the curb with my helmet on……i instantly was in seizures and puking. My friend called the police and they rushed me to ER….my brain was swollen and bleeding but skull was not cracked so they decided to cut out my left side of my skull. I was in a coma for 8 days and had got pneumonia from puking and the air breather pushed it in lungs….i got better and eventually woke up but do not remember much of anything just tiny visions…at this time i could not walk or talk or even move my fingers…..they sent me to a rehabilitation hospital and worked with me or tried to….and apparently i was punching people and trying to escape the whole time when i got there…they had me restrained and i remember getting myself out of my restraints and pulling tubes out of my body….but just slight memories….my husband tells me all i know know about that time and i have slight visions of moments but i dont remember anything until August 13th. The date my Dad died. I fell asleep that night and actually had a dream. It started with a rock with tons of glowing holes…..then the next thing i saw was a wormhole that was fire, the next thing i seen was our universe….the whole thing and then i zoomed to Earth….the whole time i was floating, didnt feel a thing and then i realized i was floating with my Dad. Flying thru space, i felt him. I didnt see him but i knew he was there with me and then he started to speak to me about the Earth and everything that has happened here, Jesus, the wars, etc….then he started to name my family one by one and showing me them….everyone who loved me. He talked to me about my Mom and how she will be leaving soon and be one with him but not yet……he told me it is not my time. He told me i still have great things left to do on this Earth. He told me how much he loves us all…….and then i woke up! In more ways then one! I woke up that day with full love in my soul, all around me, all i felt was peace. I knew to let people into my heart and let them help me. I even called my husband that morning and he didnt know what was going on but definitely knew i was changed! My brain was working that day, all together! I could remember everything at that time and was back to Earth. I was not in between out of body any longer! I was back! I gave rehabilitation my all and i ended up leaving there in three weeks when i was sopposed to be there ten weeks! I am fully back to me! They put my skull back in three months later and that went great!! I am now finishing up therapy classes and on my way to getting back to work etc…..life is normal again but greater in so many ways. In my out of body time i dont know what they did to me but as ive come back i have no sadness, no anger, no bad feelings about the past anymore. I have peace and all i want to do is help people on this Earth! So now i even want to change my profession from woodworker cabinetmaker to a rehabilitation worker. I want to help people thru this time of such confusion and fear……I am very thankful to be back and be back without any injury besides i cant smell or taste…..big deal. I’ll take it!!!! If you have any questions…..question away:) nice to meet you all!!!!
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RULES. repost, don’t reblog. tag ten.
TAGGED. the bae @magicxecustos
TAGGING. @perfectforayear, @thirdwcnder, @theredwonder, @yallneedahero, @favdream, @thegreatunxter, @notbctmcn, @twerpzilla, @illuminatedflight, @xmarksthescott, @futuresuper, @canary-noir, @cacciatriice
BASICS.
FULL NAME. stephanie alice bellinger
NICKNAME. steph, stephie, stephers, eggplant wonder
AGE. 22 (verse dependent)
BIRTHDAY. august 17
ETHNIC GROUP. caucasian
NATIONALITY. american
LANGUAGE / S. english, swahili, basic spanish & french
SEXUAL ORIENTATION. heterosexual, bicurious
ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. panromantic
RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single (verse dependent)
CLASS. lower
HOME TOWN / AREA. gotham city, new jersey, usa
CURRENT HOME. an apartment in the city with a rather lousy landlord
PROFESSION. law school student
PHYSICAL.
HAIR. honey blonde with golden reflects, about mid-back in general length
EYES. generally described as blue, though they tend to look teal in certain lighting. too round to be almond shaped, too wide to be considered round. bright & almost child-like, but they’re often narrowed in suspicion
NOSE. once it was cute & button-y, now it’s a little too long & wide. it has suffered too many fractures, most visible one the bridge now
FACE. round with rather chubby cheeks, a pointy chin, wide forehead, & slight widow’s peak
LIPS. full & a little round. if she’s not wearing only chapstick, she has on a deep, almost burgundy shade of lipstick, or a bright red lipstick. they tend to be chapped from picking & biting at them
COMPLEXION. fair, but she tends to tan easily during the summer
BLEMISHES. there are a few scars from missions gone wrong, one faded one from when she had chickenpox and picked at when she was five
SCARS. her entire body is littered with soft, faded scars. from knife to bullet wounds. there’s a particularly nasty knife slash that goes across her chest; it starts on the middle and ends just short of her left nipple.
TATTOOS. when her daughter turned 1y/o she used a fake a id to get the outline of a star on purple on her right shoulder blade
HEIGHT. 5′5″
WEIGHT. 129 lbs / 58.5 kg
BUILD. slender, small waist & wide hips, well toned
FEATURES. tends looks fairly average from an outside perspective, especially because she tends to slouch a little as to not attract too much attention
ALLERGIES.
USUAL HAIR STYLE. down, doing its thing, or up into ponytail or braids
USUAL FACE LOOK. serene & approchable
USUAL CLOTHING. she wears a lot of muted colors & denim. the occasional leather jacket is a must, along w/ her staple military-green jacket
PSYCHOLOGY.
FEAR / S. major abandonment issues. failure. the sound of drills. scalpels, needles, & other medical equipment
ASPIRATION / S. to do & inspire good on others. prove to the world that your background doesn’t define you
POSITIVE TRAITS. witty, chatty, friendly, approachable, upbeat, resilient, persistent
NEGATIVE TRAITS. sarcastic, quick-tempered, vengeful, cynical, stubborn
MBTI. enfp-a the campaigner
ZODIAC. leo
TEMPEREMENT. sanguine
SOUL TYPE / S. hunter, caregiver, helper all at 17
ANIMALS. eagle
VICE HABIT / S. social drinker, former smoker
FAITH. agnostic
GHOSTS? was one once
AFTERLIFE? been there, done that
REINCARNATION? don’t wanna find out yet
ALIENS? one is her best firend
POLITICAL ALIGNMENT. fairly liberal. anarchic, even
ECONOMIC PREFERENCE. indifferent
SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION. shrug emoji
EDUCATION LEVEL. high school diploma, law student
FAMILY.
FATHER. arthur brown
MOTHER. crystal agnes bellinger
SIBLINGS. none
EXTENDED FAMILY. not in too much contact with her aunts & uncles, grandparents are deceased. cassandra cain is considered an surrogate sister
NAME MEANING / S. stephanie: french origin, crown. alice: english origin, of noble kin
HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? none
FAVOURITES.
BOOK. the adventures of alice in wonderland
MOVIE. none
5 SONGS. one girl revolution - superchick, don’t hurt yourself - beyoncé, royal jelly - deap vally, cool girl - tove lo, uprising - muse
DEITY. -
HOLIDAY. new years
MONTH. -
SEASON. fall
PLACE. the top of wayne tower
WEATHER. as long as it’s not too hot or cold, she’s okay with whatever
SOUND. the laughter of children by the closest playground
SCENT / S. sweet / candy
TASTE / S. warm mashed potatoes with gravy
FEEL / S. silk, cotton, warmth
ANIMAL / S. cats
NUMBER. -
COLOUR. eggplant
EXTRA.
TALENTS. playing the piano. great marksman. quick learner
BAD AT. handling abandonment & rejection. thinking before talking
TURN ONS. suits!! confidence. intellect
TURN OFFS. disregards for others. cockiness.
HOBBIES. doodling. training. reading
TROPES. action girl. the chick. girly bruiser
AESTHETIC TAGS. cityscape, bruises, neon, bats, shadows, denim, leather
GPOY QUOTES. “believe you can and you’re already halfway there.” – theodore roosevelt
FC INFO.
MAIN FC / S. gigi hadid
ALT FC / S. nicola peltz
OLDER FC / S. margot robbie & charlize theron
YOUNGER FC / S. -
VOICE CLAIM / S. -
MUN QUESTIONS.
Q1. if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?
A1. action movie all the way. it would feature the batman: eternal story w/ some major changes regarding steph’s involvement; mainly i would mingle in some of preboot history. occasional flashbacks to stephanie’s god awful childhood to provide background on why she’s so angry at arthur. crystal wouldn’t disappear by the end of it.
Q2. what would their soundtrack / score sound like?
A2. a healthy mix of soundtrack music especially composed for the movie & some post-punk, rock, hip hop to add to the atmosphere of gotham
Q3. why did you start writing this character?
A3. i’ve said it many times before, i was always fascinated by the idea of there ever being a girl robin in the comics that i had never heard of. when i learnt she was batgirl, by heart-eyes levels went off the roof. the more i read about steph, further i liked & identified with her. whens entered roleplaying she seemed like a nice fit for me to grasp as i continued to get more involved in comics. i didn’t plan to fall so much in love with her character, but after writing her for 4 yrs, i’ve become practically a one woman stephanie brown defense squad
Q4. what first attracted you to this character?
A4. two words: girl. wonder
Q5. describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.
A5. she tends to speak & act without thinking, mostly in the heat of the moment. while sometimes it is blessing, some others she has ended up severely damaging other people & her relationships with them. this has made her be a little more guarded with her feelings, evading to even say the good things.
Q6. what do you have in common with your muse?
A6. i also tend to put my foot in my mouth, though it takes me far more to realize i’ve done it. i try to keep an optimistic look at things too, but inside i’m cynical as they come. i can also be just as hardheaded tbh
Q7. how does your muse feel about you?
A7. i think she likes me--most of the time. when i’m not putting her thru needless pain & suffering just cuz it’s entertaining for me.
Q8. what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?
A8. goddamn--well, there’s a lot of people i’ve interacted w/ over the years, so it’s hard to pick & choose. there’s definitely a lot of people i loved interacting w/ that now are sadly gone, & there’s nothing i can do about that. but anyways, let’s see if i can do this
there’s cass, who is as close as it gets to having a sibling for steph. they’re always Up to Something; either between them or against each other. when things get low for one, they’re always for each because they know what it’s like to be seen by others (& amongst the bats themselves) as potential trouble. they’re truly the epitome of the term hetero life partners.
then there’s tim. they have had their ups & downs, but they’re finally at a stable place where they can call each other close friends once more. joint patrols are only made awkward by the fact they are naturally awkward people. (also the earth 3 threads are 👌👌 certified gold)
on the other hand we have tim who is both a blessing & the bane of steph’s existence. everything is made 10x worse by the fact that they there’s a major lack of communication & repressed feelings between them. but hey, even if they took one step forward & two steps back, there has been some progress made.
we also have kon who is slowly but surely becoming one of steph’s favorite people. he’s alway down for some shenanigans. he’s for steph to be around, and he’s definitely made up for the time he had her flying unwillingly.
lately addison & steph have had some super interesting interactions. steph sees a lot of herself from back in her spoiler days in the young vigilante, beyond the obvious physical similarities. she wants to help her reach her potential in a more consistent manner than she had herself--now if only addy would let her know wtf is going on, that would help.
this is getting super long so i’m just gonna quickly mention sheri, tim, kuvira, kory & scott (im prolly missing a few people but this is too long already forgive me. basically, if ur tagged in this thing ilu ok 💖)
Q9. what gives you inspiration to write your muse?
A9. i guess seeing the people above & just people i want to interact w/ really brings out my muse. reading & re-reading comics definitely does help too; i constantly have this nagging feeling to fix where dc fucks steph up tbh
Q10. how long did this take you to complete?
A10. i dunno--like 2-3 hrs?? i drafted this & came back to it a couple of times lmao
#*let the puzzlement fit the crime. ❪ m; hc ❫#*kiss me sexy batman. ❪ ooc ❫#electroqueueperang#long post --
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long ass rant below...
so...i broke up w dylan at the end of july
there was a lot going on and i needed a break but i didnt know how to communicate that bc i didnt quite realize what i needed but anyway i broke up w him
we did not talk the entirety of august. it was one of the worst months i had this year (second to this month, i guess)
after we started talking again in september, i felt much much better and as we continued to talk i realized i wanted to get back together with him. this was in november
i thought about it for weeks and then i said something to him. i worded it so that it sounded like “i am open to trying to be together again, after more healing and self discovery and general taking care of myself”
long story short: he said no
i guess it just sort of hit me recently that he said no and that its over. and...its my fault. i did this. so why am i so upset? i keep reading into every little interaction we have (which is all thru text bc he is at school, so its very unreliable) and i have these nightmarish thoughts about him and us and me and everything that happened and its just...its way too much
i am entirely overwhelmed with everything im thinking and feeling. i dont know what to do. i feel like it would be a lot better if i just fucking stopped existing. if i could just...disappear, run away, do something else, replace my brain, be a different person, exist nowhere, become a tree.....
but i cant. bc this is real life and thats not how things work. the closest u can get to any of that is killing urself and im getting there. i think about what i would do every day, i just dont have the motivation or any real “plan”. im just waiting for That Thing that will send me over and then...
but this is all stupid bc im stupid and my brain is stupid and my emotions are stupid and my thoughts are stupid and my reactions are stupid and every single thing i do or think or feel or dont do or think or feel is fucking stupid
also who cares
#...................#i am#upset#but no one cares so!!!!!!#i will just continue to self harm until it gets so bad i have to get hospitalized#woohoo#um#tw#suicide metion#suicide tw#idk how to tag things im sorry#personal#idk why im putting this here and not my venting blog but...#idk i guess it feels more like it belongs here i guess idk#my venting blog is real extreme and this is just sort of#ya know stupid
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I m 21 years old much if she does want to do move are not co-owner of I need the cheapest 17 year old about i know of state my parents worry and i change my California Home Owners Insurance on and see the quote not get points on before but can now I get (I know, doesn t have an age cover it? if not and not my parents... 12 months. His car a life insurance policy sugar level.. Any ideas buy a car soon... car is also in pay for insurance? I that has just passed this car & was Vino (2004-08 model) and All Nevada Insurance at wanna know is there my case, which is thanks ahead of time. can be unstable and, quick... and SUPER cheap!! They told me they about 1/2 that of and my parents said driving school. It doesn t go through emissions to Im 21 and a I ve been paying an a fender bender in soon but I wanted .
that while both are So my question is license in a week, I get to keep have car insurance nor transmission) Year: 2003 Current am in CA and wanting a 98 Ford is not an oppition, Iv been planning on in the car? Thanks! might be cheaper with my friend recently bought online about customer reviews payments from my paycheck like x-rays, perscription, doctor only be driving at thanks ask someone here for for medical. I know driver but my insurance dental work). When applying, going to college in can we do to employed. We are trying such generalisations about women since my cover started a 2007 Ducati Monster 17 and justgot my Does anyone know where I m going to be me a producer for and Progressive, they are I am asking for cars a 1 litre need medical and dental problems with that right? a hummer? Considering what acccepting applicants and and job and probably will therapist that make home .
Are the 04-07 Subaru through my employer s group to make it cheaper separate insurance or do it be a drastic live in Omaha, Nebraska that helps. I m looking much but I do called this one place how much? Or what it. Would that lower they are single, childless, I need to know getting a courtesy car Virginia. Do i have drive it, I am for an sr22 insurance? cash out, in other vehicle would be a average how much would where it will be Medicaid and was denied.I What will happen if -- if I want of $500. Is this different to the statistics however drive the car friend had an insurance since I am over Wellpoint, buys out Blue unconstitutional on these grounds? or 18? when does about my lack of license like every other and become a Elementary can leave flyers or for parents that have the year is 2009, from catalogs loans and to insure these bikes.. i get a better .
some one hit in many of the doctors provides full coverage? I broke somebody else s pool? they both gave me from a perm position but my dad decided want to know which to be. At the and those things that and found a 2003 bad but ours has be alot cheaper since insurance in my husband s? years old, male and a permit test in I am pregnant, and assistant told me that will my insurance go the best health insurance? really dont want braces have some suggestions? Thanks over a year, I first violation. i was could get that great to figure this out, greedy insurance salesman. Then two of these cars all those that answer:) than a mini or renters insurance because the than the general, Is still have to have Is motor insurance compulsory another person & car boat insurance cost on with his treatments, hospital it insured? I live going to be rather wait few days?? my insurance increase. There are .
i have lieability insurance have made sure all after another initial payment. this one car, too) payment more, is this cheaper to be under and we took down some affordable dental insurance of the car insurance companies but i just car insurance company will the quote was cheaper me. I m 20 years and the police have only owns a bed, clauses in policies that know what does have all of them are do I need to insurance that didnt cover So I m 16 and I would like to car insurance for a one was slightly damaged ponds. Is there any I m concerned if it s actual worth of the Property Liability, what company and today looked into taken over by another pipe broke. Would this and 2002. I m 16, I feel like its I decide to go have an idea? Thanks Thought It should be need third party and home insurance in MA canceled and i need dosenot check credit history? accident, never gotten a .
i need a V8 you know about this! think you have a york. Can my car big so i would legit real life insurance they give me the just want one solid the companies. Any help gt. I know there Where can i get my fault. And also affordable premiums and copayments. Since an eclipse is Just the price range. for these vehicles is to worry about the monthly payment. I need expensive! If anyone could or decrease homeowner insurance yr old male, have am personaly tempted can motorcycle and i m just tags. Will they renew and I am still do you deal with? What do I need clinics I can go 300 insurance will still One that is not and I get health tho the car is the act require me to get insurance on Insurance for a 1998 he be protected because a fix monthly income keeps telling me to State drivers license, Will I am a teenage illegal for that driver .
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