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btsslowburnfic · 3 years

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BTBY Chapter 13

Series Summary: For Namjoon, the moment he set his sights on being the #1 rapper, he pushed the symbol to the side and hated it. Love should be chosen, not forced on you. He didn’t believe in fate and this mark on his wrist was a big “fuck you” to all that.

Chapter Summary: Where the fuck is Ben?

Previous Chapter here

Namjoon wakes up with a start as he feels something kicking his foot. He looks up to see Xavier holding a tray of coffee. He rubs his face with his palm and shakes his head. “Hey.”

“Sorry, I tried just saying your name but it wasn’t working. Coffee?” He asks and holds out one of the cups.

“Yes, thanks.” He takes the cup and looks over to see you’re still sleeping.

“Any updates?” Xavier asks as he sits two coffee cups on the side table.

“No. They brought a doctor in to show her the skull xrays and then she passed out. Anything on your end?”

Xavier takes a deep breathe in, sitting on the window ledge. “Yeah, I went to their apartment. I have a key because you know, best friend,” he gestures to himself. He pauses and looks over at your sleeping form to make sure that you are really out of it before he proceeds. He lowers his volume slightly and looks over ta Namjoon. “And Ben is nowhere to be found. The shower was wet though so he definitely went home and showered. Their car is gone and he’s ghosting me, Gina, and Joe.”

“Wow. What a dick.”

“Yeah, well Ben and I aren’t on the best of terms anyway so yes, I agree with you a million percent. I just don’t know what I’m going to say to [y/n] when she wakes up asking about it.” He sips his coffee and then gets his phone out.

Namjoon takes out his phone to check any messages he may have gotten in his sleep. He has several from the other members and their manager.

[Tae]: ok. I’ll fly out tonight. Are you feeling better now that she’s awake?

[Manager Sejin]: That’s fine. We understand. Just lay low and we’ll sort it. I booked the hotel for the rest of the week. Lmk if you need longer.

[Jin]: Im gOiNg To GeT My SOulMarK rEmOvEd -_-

[JHOOOOOOPE]: Are you feeling better now? Tae says you are staying there for a while. BE NICE.

[JIMINISSI]: We miss you. Take care.

Namjoon sends replies to everyone except Jin. And then scrolls through social media.

“I’m ordering non-hospital food. Do you want anything?” Xavier asks, breaking the silence.

“No. I’m fine. Thanks. I think I’ll head over to the hotel and nap if you’re going to stay here?” He says getting up out of the chair.

“Yeah. I’ll be here until around 2 and then Rafael is going to stop by. Just wait a minute, I’m going to ask the nurse if [y/n] can eat food from out or not.” Xavier says not waiting for an answer as he exits the room.

Namjoon walks over to your bed and covers your foot that you’ve kicked out from under the sheet. The pressure cuffs are still on your legs, preventing blood clots. He feels guilty once again that he had been so selfish when you were lying here with so many tubes and devices stuck to you. He decided last night he will make it up to you. Somehow. As much as he can in the next few days.

He walks over to the hospital table and takes out the small memo pad and writes down his phone number with a note. “I’ll be back this afternoon. If you need something before then: xxxxxxxxxx” He puts it on your bedside table underneath the coffee cup.

Xavier walks back in. “Two breakfast burritos on their way. Yesss.” He says, satisfied with his breakfast order. “Did anyone say how long she might have to stay here?”

“No. I think she’s getting her legs evaluated today.” Namjoon responds as he packs up hs phone charger and puts his trash into the small bin.

“Thanks for coming RM. And more importantly for staying. I know you didn’t really want any of this,” Xavier gestures to the whole area.

“Call me Namjoon. And how long have you known about…” he pauses not sure how to word it. “Me and [y/n] being soulmates?”

Xavier laughs, “Uh since day one. Best friend, remember?” he says dryly. He looks towards the door, making sure the three of you are the only ones in the room. “I also know about your extracurricular activities.”

Namjoon feels his face grow a little red.

“Your secret is safe with me.” Xavier pauses for a moment. “So. When are you flying out?”

“I think I’ll stay for the rest of the week. I’m still not really up to performing yet, and also I want to stay and make sure she gets better.”

Xavier raises his eyebrows at this but doesn’t say anything. “Ok. Well then I guess I’ll see you around then?”

“Yeah, see you,” Namjoon responds as he leaves the room to go see Tae before the younger man flies out.

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You wake up to sunlight streaming into your room. Fuck your head still hurt. But your arms feel much less stiff today, you noticed as you slowly started to wake up more. You blink the sleep out of your eyes and smelled coffee. YEsssss you thought. It had been forever. Well maybe a week. And you were unconscious for a lot of it, but you were still excited. You wiggle your body into a more seated position and use the bed remote to raise you. You saw the coffee cup next to your bed and reached for it, and also saw a note with a coffee ring. You pick it up and read it. Namjoon’s number? Wow, you think as you took out your phone and added the contact.

“Hey babe,” you hear Xavier’s voice and look over towards the doorway. He’s holding a bag of food and is once again your favorite person in the world.

“Hey. Sorry for yelling at you yesterday.” You say. You felt super embarrassed as you remember all the yelling and crying you did yesterday.

“No worries. You got hit by a car. I freak out when they get my coffee order wrong,” Xavier commiserates as he walks closer. “The nurse said you can have real food. Do you want some?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” you respond immediately, your stomach growling and aching. You had eaten a few crackers yesterday but didn’t want to push your luck. Today though, you were ravenous. Xavier walks closer and tosses a burrito onto your lap. HE is dreading the question he knows you are going to ask him so he stalls.

“I talked to Namjoon a bit this morning. He seems a lot nicer.”

You are chewing your burrito as you nod your head, “Yeah. I guess so. He was nicer to me yesterday too. Weird. And, he gave me his number.” You hold up the piece of paper.

“Honey that’s nothing, I’ve been texting him for days.” Xavier teases you as he bites his burrito.

You laugh, covering your mouth full of food. “Such a brat. Thanks for the food.”

“Of course,” he responds.

You check your phone to see if you have any messages from Ben. Nothing.

[Y/N]: Are you ok? I’m worried about you.

You send the message off. “Have you heard from Ben?” You ask Xavier. You can tell by his shift in body posture that he hasn’t.

“No.”

There’s more to it….”Did you go to the apartment?”

“I did. He had been there and showered, but he was gone by the time got there.”

You feel knots in your stomach. “What if he’s been in an accident or something?”

Xavier can’t help but feel annoyed. If Ben would just answer his fucking phone you two wouldn’t be here worrying about his stupid ass.

“He probably just needed to clear his head or something. If we haven’t heard from him in a while we can call jails and hospitals.” Xavier says nonchalantly.

You felt nauseous at the thought of your fiance being in either one of those places. You put your burrito down, suddenly unable to finish it.

“You gotta eat [y/n] even when your boyfriend sucks.” Xavier says flippantly.

You pout. “Fiance. And he could be in trouble Even if he’s busy sorting shit out in his head, it’s a lot to take in that your partner has a soulmate and didn't tell you.”

Xavier rolls his eyes, “ Yeah. Except he should be here with you, talking it through. And supporting you, you just got out of a fucking coma.”

You sigh. You and Ben’s relationship had become a point of contention between you and Xavier over the past few months. Ben had been distant while you were on your summer tour, rarely responding to your texts and almost never facetime-ing you. When you complained about it, he had called you clingy. Xavier sent you a million memes on gaslighting and toxic behavior until you got annoyed with him and told him to stop. You lowered your expectations of Ben. After all, you were the one who had decided to spend your summer traveling around the country. You were lucky to be with someone so understanding of your schedule. At least that’s what you tell yourself.

And then he didn’t pick you guys up at the airport. He forgot. Even though you reminded him several times and forwarded him the flight confirmation. The two of you waited at the airport for two hours just in case he remembered before Xavier angrily called Joe who arrived after 20 minutes.

“See [y/n]? This is what a good boyfriend looks like.” He snidely commented to you as he walked around and hugged and kissed Joe.

“You can’t control what anyone else does babe. You can only control your reaction to it. You eating that burrito or not isn’t going to make Ben appear, but it will help you feel better.”

“Yeah,” you say and pick it back up, taking small bites to make Xavier happy.

The rest of the morning passes quickly after that, with various doctors and nurses coming in and out, checking the screens, reading off blood counts, cognitive checks, and examining your legs. You tell Xavier to get his butt back to work, promising him that you will take care of yourself.

A cheerful woman pops in with a walker. “Hello! I’m Mandy and I’m one of the physical therapists here. We’re going to see how your legs are doing. Is that alright?”

You nod your head. “Yeah. I’ll be glad to get these things off,” you gesture to the cuffs.

“Yes, hopefully you’ll be able to bear weight and we can work on lessening the cuff time.” She walks over and gently removes the pressure cuffs off your legs. “Now it’s been a week since you’ve usd your legs so we’re going to take it nice and slow. We don’t want you falling.”

“Ok,” you say and swing your legs over the side of the bed and gently slide down, allowing your feet to touch the hospital floor. You can tell they don’t quite feel normal, like they belong to someone else.

“Let’s just start with this. You’re going to use this and stand. Ok?” She places the aluminum walker in front of you. You nod your head and grip both sides of the frame. Holy shit she wasn’t kidding. Just standing there your body feels so heavy and foreign to you.

“Good. Good. Just stand there for a few more seconds and then we’ll have you sit down and do that a few more times.” She makes a few notes on her tablet.

You stand there for a few more seconds and then you see Namjoon in the doorway. “Hey,” you greet him as you take a seat on the bed.

Mandy turns and casually looks over at the doorway. And then looks again, clearly missing how hot he was the first time. You notice her eyes widen a bit as she makes eye contact with her tablet. You get second hand embarrassment and blush as well.

“Can I come in or is this a bad time?” he asks.

Mandy clears her throat, “It’s fine with me, it’s up to you.” She says to you. “Stand up again please.”

“Sure, come in. But no making fun of me.” You say as you stand up again. You feel your joints starting to loosen up a bit this time.

“I don’t know if I can comply with those terms.” He says from the doorway. You admire how his solid frame takes up so much of the space there.

“Yeah, well just remember if I fall it hurts you, so encouragement is encouraged.”

He laughs, “Encouragement is encouraged? Wow. And English is your first language.”

You smirk. “Go sit down and read a book or something.”

You continue with your standing exercises for a few more minutes.

“Ok that’s all for right now, we don’t want to wear you out. Keep doing that a few times every hour and we can keep the cuffs off during the day.” She smiles at you reassuringly. “I’ll be back at 4 and we are going to do work with therabands. I’ll see you then.”

“Great, thank you.” you respond as she leaves the walker and exits the room. “Ughhh that was so tiring.” You complain as you swing your legs back into bed and place them under the covers.

“Hey, it’s way better than yesterday.” Namjoon says from his chair by the window.

“True. How are you feeling today?”

“A lot better. I grabbed a nap and shower at the hotel and talked to the team.”

“When do you fly out?”

“Trying to get rid of me so quickly?” He asks, feigning insult.

You roll your eyes, “I feel like you have a very important day job that you should get back to.”

Namjoon smiles, “I’ll leave in a week. I guess less if you kick me out.”

“No, I like having you here. You know other than the constant insults, your eye candy factor helps balance it out” You tease him and he laughs You hear a noise from the doorway. You recognize it instantly. It’s Ben clearing his throat.

“Sorry. Am I interrupting something?” NEXT CHAPTER

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @ghostkat23 @cuteipat @marianeamine @thisisval @almonte12 @themisunderstoodblackswan

#bts fanfic #bts rm fanfic #bts rm x you #bts au fanfic #bts fanfction #bts rm x reader #bts rm scenario #rm x y/n #rm x reader #namjoon x you #bts namjoon x reader

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sierraraeck · 4 years

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Why Men Suck

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Reid has to talk to Aundreya about what’s happened and try to explain himself. Aundreya has an unexpected visitor in a high stress situation. Story eleven.

Category: Angst.

Warnings: Cussing. Shots fired. Very quick mention of suicide. Implied abusive relationship.

Word Count: 3.4k

I walked into the office with a whole new demeanor. A whole new attitude. A whole new level of confidence.

I was a whole new person.

I wasn’t exactly the old street and prison me, but that was a lot closer than the pathetic, emotional version who’d possessed my body for the last year and a half.

I walked in with a new fire in my eyes, a new growl in my voice, a new ice block in my chest. I walked in like I owned the place. And everyone could feel it.

“Hey, Aundreya,” Prentiss said, a little hesitation coating her voice.

“Hey,” I said, “Do we have a case?”

“I believe so. Hotch said he wants us in the briefing room in five,” she replied.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” I was in the hallway approaching a small table with snacks on it when he caught my attention. I was wondering when this would happen.

“Aundreya, wait,” Reid called after me.

I turned on him. “Why? What could you possibly say to me right now?”

He let out a huge breath. “Is this about what Morgan and I talked about on the jet?”

I put my hands out and cocked my head to the side, letting him know that was exactly what this was about.

“She’s just someone that I’m talking to for my headaches, and I knew she could help with the case.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

“We both know you are. Why would you need to call her on a payphone, then? Why would you need Tara to drive you there instead of me or Derek? Why have you been so secretive about who she is?”

“It’s because I just wanted to keep one thing-”

“Personal?” I finished, raising my eyebrows.

“That’s not what I mean,” he huffed.

“I think that’s exactly what you mean. And she must be pretty special if even the possibility of her getting hurt is worth risking both of our lives.” I started to turn away, heading back down the hallway.

“I didn’t-”

“Yes. You did. Last time I checked, you didn’t know for sure if that was even where she lived, yet you were willing to get shot and put me in the line of fire for her.”

“Aundreya, please,” he pleaded for me to let him explain, but there was nothing to explain.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve made what you want pretty clear,” I stood there staring into his sad eyes. I wanted to walk away so badly, but I just had to ask, “I just have one question for you. Did you call her that night?”

“What?”

I already knew he called her throughout those two weeks, and I realized that he even called her the night before we returned to work when I was freaking out about where he was. But I wanted to know if he called her right after we…

I swallowed. “That night. Did. You. Call her?”

He looked me dead in the eyes and responded, “No.”

It didn’t make it hurt any less, but at least he didn’t add insult to injury. I’d gotten my answer, so I pushed by him, heading back to the round table room, suddenly having lost my appetite. I didn’t even reach the steps before a loud bang echoed off the ceiling.

I whipped my head around and saw Reid in a choke hold, a man holding a gun to his head. But that wasn’t just any man.

That was my father.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

All of the desk workers who weren’t armed were clumped together near the coffee maker or were ducking under their desks. Anyone who was armed had their weapon drawn and aimed at my father. Our team members were all standing behind the railing to my right in a line, each one panicked and furious, guns trained on the man who held Reid.

He scanned the room until his eyes landed on me. A smile spread across his face and he said, “Hello, Aundreya,” he sneered, letting me know he knew about my name change.

“Hello, Joe,” I returned.

“What? Come on, no ‘hi dad?’” he fake-whimpered.

I scoffed. “We may be biologically related, but you are not my dad.”

“Ouch,” he smiled.

“Yeah, well the truth hurts,” I said, raising my eyebrows. That was what he always loved to tell my sister and I whenever he was trying to manipulate us into believing his lies.

He laughed. “Well it looks like I did teach you something after all.”

My emotions were on a whole new high. Everything seemed to be crashing around me, and one of the only honest connections I thought I’d made had just shattered. I was sick and tired of letting other people affect my emotions and the constant lies that people told and truths they deliberately withheld. “Yeah, you taught me that loving someone meant manipulating them and lying to them and degrading them and the ones they love. You taught me how to mimic those behaviors for my own personal gain. And you did a great job teaching me that I can’t trust men and that they can’t treat me right, especially in relationships,” I offered, my voice strong.

“Honey, that is not at all what I taught you.”

I wanted to vomit at his term of endearment. “Great, then I guess it’s your borderline personality and narcissistic genes that got passed down that made me this way. My bad.”

He shook his head in disbelief, that same smug look absorbing his features, but changed the subject. “So you’re in the FBI now, huh?”

“Sure am. I enjoy putting evil men away, envisioning that they’re you I finally get to put handcuffs on. Who knows? Maybe you coming here will finally satisfy that desire,” I said with a smirk, holding my gun up a little higher.

“Oh really? How are you going to do that? I mean, I guess you could, depending on how much you care about him,” he said, gesturing toward Reid with the gun still trained at his temple.

“Oh, him? Yeah, I don’t really know him,” I said. At the moment, that statement felt true.

“Are you sure? I thought I saw you two spending quite a lot of time together recently,” he said.

My eyes got wide. “You’ve been stalking me?”

“I have to say, you are quite a hard person to track down these days. I just wanted to make sure it was actually you. I’ve wanted to see you, talk to you, but I knew you’d never respond to me directly.”

“I can’t imagine why that would be,” I snapped.

“I just want to know that you’re doing well.”

“How considerate. Well I’m great, so you can leave now.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you all are just going to let me walk out of here,” he said. He turned his attention to the rest of the team. “So this must be the BAU?”

“Yep,” I said, popping the ‘p’, “Your point?”

“Are they really as great as I’ve heard?”

“We do close a lot of cases.”

“But are they good people?”

“Yes, they’re in the FBI. What are you getting at?” I’d had nearly every possible argument with this man, so I always had a good idea where things were going. But this? This confused me.

“Do you all really consider each other family?”

Then I got it. If he was trying to inflict the maximum amount of pain on me, he would want to know who I cared most about so he could hurt them.

“Not really. We just work together,” I stated. I didn’t want to add any more than I had to, especially if I was reading the situation wrong and he wanted to hurt people he thought were hurting me. By taking Reid as his hostage, I couldn’t tell which one was true.

“But what about this one?” he said, peering down at Reid.

“What about him?”

“You don’t consider this one family?”

“I just told you, even if I’ve been talking to him more recently, I still barely know him.”

“Uh-huh. So you wouldn’t mind if I just killed him, then?” he asked.

My heart was pounding. I knew that he was most likely trying to inflict maximum pain on me, so showing that I did care about him could be lethal, but I didn’t want to say yes and have him obey my wishes. The one time he would.

I took a deep breath, knowing if I hesitated any longer, he’d know my answer. “No. Not really. I mean, I don’t think you should kill anyone, newsflash it’s my job to make sure people stay alive, but if your question is if I have a personal sway one way or the other, the answer is no. He’s not as important to me as some of the others.”

Reid made eye contact with me, and the look of hurt in his eyes was devastating. He actually believed me. He genuinely thought that because I was mad, I would just flip that criminal switch and want him dead. I didn’t really know how to take that and I couldn’t think about it now. I had to stay focused. At least I had confirmation I was doing a good job being convincing.

But of all the things I thought I knew about shooters, about hostage situations, about my father, I did not anticipate his next move.

Joe approached me, shifting his aim from Reid, who was still in a chokehold, onto me. I stood my ground, refusing to cower under his advance. He tossed Reid like a rag doll in front of me, and without blinking, stepped around behind me. I felt the barrel of the gun swipe some hair out of the way, then come to rest on the back of my head as he commanded Reid to his knees.

This was going to be an execution.

“So you don’t think I, or anyone else, should be killing people? But what about you, daughter?”

I swallowed, vaguely aware of how he was using me as a human shield, not a single person behind him who could get a shot off. This one was on me.

“Those days are over,” I casually noted.

“Which days are you referring to? The killing days or the more recent scheming days?” he asked.

How much does he know? He couldn’t know about … That’s impossible. No one knows about that.

“Both.”

He laughed. “I guess we’ll see about that, ‘cause I don’t think you are getting out of this without having to tap back into those skills.”

“What do you want?” I asked, enunciating each word carefully.

“I want you to kill him.”

I refused to look down at Reid up until that point, but after that, I had to. I looked down at him looking up at me, his expression clearly wondering what I was going to do.

I may be angry and upset, but I would never do something like this to you, Reid. I willed him to read my mind.

“What?” I was still processing his request.

“You heard me. You kill him, and the rest of us walk out of here.”

I shook my head and right as I did, he pushed the barrel farther into my skull.

I knew I couldn’t turn around and shoot Joe: he would be able to shoot me much faster and would probably shoot Reid as well before the team could kill him. I knew I couldn’t kill Reid. That was just a given.

But there were three people in this equation, leaving me with one last variable to manipulate.

I turned the gun on myself.

I contemplated just dropping it all together, but I figured that would result in the first outcome I’d envisioned. But threatening to take away the person he wanted to hurt or force back into old habits, taking the common denominator away, I knew that would foil all of his plans. And I’m known for self preservation not being suicidal, so it would be a scenario he would have never considered.

“No.”

“What are you doing?” I could hear the slight panic in Joe’s voice, the same feeling reflected in Reid’s eyes.

“I said no. I told you, those days are over for me. If you want to hurt me, then you should know that the person I care the most about, above all else, is myself. What would you do if I decided to ultimately protect myself from you once and for all?” I asked. When I got no response, I concluded with, “So take me. I’m who you’re here for, right? So just take what you came for.”

“You seriously mean that?” he asked with a glimmer of hope.

“I’m not one to play games.”

He grabbed me by the arm and demanded I drop my gun, pressing his own to my temple. I did as he said, all but placing the gun in Reid’s hands, giving him one last look that tried to convey as much hope as I could without just winking at him.

I continued to walk slowly, Joe still using me as a human shield, on our path to the exit. He reached the glass doors and turned around, about to push through with his back. But I knew something he didn’t. Those doors were deceivingly heavy.

I used the back of my head to jam his nose into his skull, simultaneously ramming his head into the glass doors. They budged, but not enough to knock us both completely off balance. I cranked my body out of his grap, and turned around to face him, hitting him hard enough to disarm him. The shock of my blows gave me the upper hand as I reached for his weapon, claiming it as my own. I now stood in front of him, the tables having drastically turned.

“FBI. Put your hands up,” I said smugly. He wore an expression of pure rage which only increased the pleasure I got from this moment. “Joe Spade, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of multiple FBI agents.”

He put his hands up and I tossed his gun aside, quick to replace it with handcuffs. “It looks like I was able to not only get out of this situation without having to kill anybody, but also fulfill my fantasies of handcuffing you after all.”

I brought his hands down behind his back and tightened the cuffs as much as possible. I walked him forward a few paces so he could really get a good look at my team members.

“You see those people up there behind that railing? Those people are my family. They actually look out for me, and I will always look out for them. Those ladies over there? They are like my sisters, compassionate people I aspire to be like. And those men? They’ve taught me that good men and healthy relationships do exist. All of them have helped me overcome my trust issues and anxiety when it comes to opening up and letting people in. They’ve shown me what love truly looks and sounds like, and I’ve started to learn how to reciprocate. And you know what? They are the reason that I didn’t kill you,” I snarled, letting him, and the rest of the team, digest that. “Take a good, long, look. Because they are the only reason you are alive right now.”

I made him stand there for a few seconds, marinating in that information, before yanking him towards the door, handing him off to the officers that were to escort him down to a squad car.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

“Ohmygod! Are you okay?” Penelope squawked as she rushed toward me.

I couldn’t even get a response out before her lung-squishing hug surrounded me. I hugged her back but quickly answered, “Yes. I’m all good.”

“Are you sure? That was … I mean that was-”

“I know. And I’m okay,” I said with a reassuring smile.

“Did you mean all of that?” she asked me with hopeful, gleaming eyes.

“Yeah,” I replied, but I could tell that Rossi heard my uncertain undertone. For the most part.

“What was that?” Rossi interjected, stern but concerned. “You put yourself in harm's way and made a reckless, stupid, decision.”

Yeah because focusing on myself up to this point has worked out so well for me. I decided I’d try something new, and look at that, not giving a damn about my safety worked out for all of us.

I kept those thoughts to myself and opted for, “It worked out. I’m fine.”

“What's happened to you? You went from yelling at a guy who reminded you of your father to not even being phased by your own. Not to mention he was holding a gun on you,” Morgan acknowledged. I knew what he was getting at, all of them noticing my change in attitude this morning before all of the madness that followed.

“Well, shit happens. Things change,” I stated coldly. I saw Reid cringe from behind the rest of the group.

“And I guess so do people,” Rossi said pointedly.

“Yeah,” I finally looked at Reid, skimming my eyes up and down him, “They do.”

A moment of awkward silence passed over the group before Hotch said, “Let’s all take the rest of the day off. We’ll start on our new case tomorrow.”

The group agreed and each gave me their varied versions of condolences and then turned to check on Reid. Most of the rest of the bullpen had already left, receiving the same deal Aaron gave us, and our team started slowly breaking apart so they could grab their stuff. Soon, that just left Reid and I standing there. I went to walk by him on my way to get my stuff when he stopped me.

“Aundreya, wait,” he squeaked.

I turned to face him, waiting to see what followed.

“I know it doesn’t make this any better but I am sorry. I never intended for this to happen.”

“I believe you, but the damage has been done.”

“I know. I just … I don’t know-”

“Look Reid. Everything I said was true. I let my guard down, I let you in. I trusted you, which went against every instinct in my body telling me to run. For the first time in my entire life, I felt like I could breathe. Like I could actually breathe. Do you know what that feels like? For my whole life, I have been suffocating under the weight of my father, the Slaughterer, the streets, just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I never knew what it felt like to just be okay and to feel safe. Until I met you. I had just started to break down my barriers, my entire belief system, because I started to understand that I was wrong, that not everyone is out for themselves, just manipulating me for their own personal gain then tossing me aside like garbage. I mean, you just met the one and only male role model in my life! That’s what I thought everyone, specifically men, were like! And just when you started to prove me wrong… I’ve tumbled all the way back down to square one. So was what you did world-ending? No. Is that the worst thing that could have happened, that you could have done? Definitely not. Our job proves that every day. But it felt pretty massive to me,” I ranted.

I didn’t mean to raise my voice or draw attention to the situation, but those thoughts had been playing an intense game of Pong inside my head for a while, and I just had to get them off my chest. It was Hotch and Prentiss that were straggling, and while they were out of earshot, they weren’t blind.

I let out a nervous laugh, absorbing the irony of the whole thing. “And you told me you would never hurt me,” I shook my head in disbelief, “Look at us now.”

I reached around him to grab my stuff and barreled toward the door without another breath.

It wasn’t fair of me and I knew that. We fucked and maybe that was it. It’s not like we were together and he was cheating on me or something. We actually had never even talked about what we were, and now, maybe we never would. I guess I would just have to accept that the whole thing, all the lead up and shit, was just a fling. A harmless, nothing-to-get-your-panties-in-a-wad-over, fling. So maybe I did dish out too much, and he didn’t really deserve all that, but I couldn’t worry about it now. I’d said it, and it made me feel better to say it, and I wanted him to know how much it hurt. Sure, he’d just had a gun to his head thanks to my father but so had I, and there really is no better time to get emotional than after a shared trauma.

I got home and laid on my couch, recounting the events of the day.

He mentioned my scheming. He couldn’t know, could he? But he seemed like he might’ve…

That would be yet another fun excuse to recount to the team, if they even remembered or felt courageous enough to ask.

But for the time being, I curled up on my couch, queueing up the series finale of ‘Sherlock.’

Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

@kris-stuff

@wooya1224

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nkp1981 · 4 years

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Christmas and New Year Eve 2025/2026

They had all agreed on to meet and celebrate New Year’s Eve in Prague.

Joe and Nicky had arrived around Christmas, where they used the opportunity to be a couple on Christmas vacation to the fullest by eating good food, visiting their old stomping grounds, going down the narrow streets hand in hand being like silly teenagers, who had been left home alone and spending plenty of time in the bed.

As they walked down The Charles Bridge the clock struck twelve, they decided to take a break and looked out on the Vltava. “Merry Christmas, Habibi!” Joe said in Arabic and took Nicky’s hand, which he started to caress. “Merry Christmas, Mi Amore!” He replied in Italic with a smile and leaned into his shoulder. ”I got something for you!” Joe said and took out a bag of figs from his pocket together with some honey. “You incurable romantic.” Nicky replied with a big smile, when he saw the figs. “Remember our first Christmas as friends back in the small inn in Alexandria?" Joe wanted to know. "Yeah, we talked all night even though I'm not sure we understood each other completely since we still were trying to understand each other." Nicky replied with a laughter in his voice. "I think it was that night, I fell in love with you, because I had never seen anyone eat figs like you did with such a delight, so I thought that it was a good idea to do it again.” Joe admitted and handed him a fig. “It is, but how can me eating figs like a wild man be the reason why you fell in love with me?” Nicky wanted to know and tilted his head. It was something he did when he wanted an answer from Joe. “You looked lovely, but it also had to do with that I probably for the first time in my life could be myself without anyone telling me what to be instead of what I wanted to be!” Joe replied and took the last fig in the bag. “I felt the same way that night and I’m so grateful, that the feeling hasn’t disappeared that we still are together and still have time left in the world.” Nicky said and took the fig, he was handed. “You look just like in the inn!” Joe said laughing when fruit juice started to run down Nicky’s face. “Thanks! So, how did you get it through the custom?” Nicky wanted to know. “Well, I just used the concierge service, but I have to say, he didn’t listen when I ordered them.” Joe replied a bit disappointed that the figs were not as ripe as he had wished for. “Doesn’t matter. It is the thought that counts, and I appreciate it!” Nicky said and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he handed him a packet. “This is excellent craftsmanship, that I’ve seen in centuries. Where on earth did you find it?” Joe wanted to know when he saw the dagger and started to examine it closely. “I’m not telling!” Nicky replied with a secret smile. “Just wait till we get back to the hotel, then I’ll get the information out of you!” Joe said as he pulled Nicky in for a kiss. “Then you better put in an effort, because as you know, I’m not easy to get any information out of!” Nicky replied in a teasing tone and gave him another smile before he started to walk again. “Oh, there will be no doubts about that!” Joe said as he took his hand once again, while they talked on the way back to the hotel.

Andy and Nile didn’t have the same quiet Christmas as Joe and Nicky had. They had been on a mission to take out an Ukrainian arms dealer, who in a desperate attempt to get out of the warehouse had fired a rocket launcher at them, which made Nile throw herself over Andy to shield her, while the rocket flew over the head of them hitting some parked cars behind them. “Told you to stay back at the hotel!” Nile said as she sat up and looked at cars, who were burning. “And miss out of all the fun? I haven’t had this much fun in years!” Andy replied sarcastically and reloaded her gun. “We two have very different definitions of fun and besides I think the boys prefer to see us both in one piece instead of a million!” Nile said and looked towards the arms dealer, who was running for his cars. “You may have a point there. Can you hit him?” Andy wanted to know and looked towards the man. “I don’t have Nicky’s rifle skills, but if you can deal with the big one over there, I may have an idea. Wait for my signal.” Nile suggested and Andy nodded, so when Nile went to the left, Andy waited and when Nile made the signal, they both hit their targets at the same time.

“I could really use a cold beer!” Andy said, when Nile sat down next to her. “Me too, so Merry Christmas!” Nile replied, when the bells could be heard in the distance. “Merry Christmas. Let’s get out of here and find that beer before the police show up. I don’t feel like talking to them or spending the night in a cell.” Andy said and the women walked in the other direction away from the police.

They found a small pub who still had open and sat down in a corner with their cold beer. “I have to say that the Europeans make better beer than the Americans.” Nile concluded and looked out on the snow that had started to fall. “Nah, the best beer in the world, you get in Thailand. I’ll show you one day.” Andy promised with a smile. “I’ll keep you to that promise, Andy. I can’t believe it has been two years since we last saw the boys.” Nile said and drank her beer before making a sign to the waitress to bring another round. “They are still the same. That’s the good thing about them, but I think that when we have celebrated New Year’s Eve, you should talk with Nicky about getting some more sniper training. He is the best teacher.” Andy suggested and took another beer. “It has been on my mind, but I’m also thankful for all the training, you have given me, Andy!” Nile replied in a grateful tone and found the cards in her pocket. “Don’t mention it, kid, but you do know, that you are gonna lose all your money, right?” Andy said and took the cards. “One day I will win it all back.” Nile replied in an optimistic tone.

When the women left the pub in the morning, Nile got a text from Joe. “The boys wish us a Merry Christmas and have reserved hotel rooms for us, but what does he mean with that I shouldn’t let you alone with the dynamite?” Nile wanted to know. “I might one time have blown up a hotel room, when I tripped over a box with dynamite and accidentally had a candle in the hands.” Andy replied and shook her head over that Joe had promised not to mention it again. “Seriously? What was a box of dynamite even doing in the hotel room in the first place?” Nile wanted to know. “Joe and I had picked the box up for a job and while we were waiting for the rest to show up, we started to drink some Turkish homebrew, we found it in the cupboard. We might have gotten a bit drunk, and when we heard noises, well one thing leads to another thing and the rest, you can guess.” Andy explained and made a mental note to have a talk with Joe about gossiping.

A couple of days later the women finally found the bar, Joe had told them about.

“Andy? Nile?” Nicky shouted from the stage and started to wave excitedly over seeing them. “Is he drunk?” Nile asked, when Nicky returned to signing. “He decided to start celebrating New Year’s Eve, when Samoa went into the New Year!” Joe explained and shook his head, before he hugged them. “He is your choice not mine.” Andy said, when she hugged him again. “I know it and I’m not even sorry.” Joe replied with a smile and looked at Nicky while making a sign that he should join them. “How long have you been bald?” Nile wanted to know. “Sadly, I’m not immune against lice. When we saved a couple of children, they all had lice and what was worse, but they are safe now, which is all that matters. My hair will grow out again.” Joe explained and caught Nicky, who tripped over his legs and landed in his arms laughing. “Seems like I keep on falling for you!” Nicky said in a cheesy tone and patted Joe’s cheek gently with a smile before kissing him. “As I said your choice.” Andy repeated and started to distribute the drinks between them. They talked for hours and drank even more. “I promised Nile to take her to Thailand, where you get the best beer in the world.” Andy said, when she took another beer. “That is not correct, Andy. The best beer in the world you get in Ireland, and I will show you.” Nicky said, but when he reached out for another beer, he fell off his chair and ended up on the floor laughing. “I better help him with finding a bed.” Joe said and offered Nicky a hand, who somehow had rolled over on his stomach and looked at the karaoke machine. “No, you have slaughtered enough ABBA for one night. So, I’m gonna give you the same choice, I did in the desert a long time ago: walk or I will carry you.” Joe said in a commanding tone, which did the trick. “See you tomorrow.” Andy said as the last thing, before they parted for the night. “Should we find another party?” Nile wanted to know, and Andy nodded. Before they ventured out into the night.

When they returned to the hotel room Joe helped Nicky down in a chair, so he could take off Nicky’s boots, before he kicked off his own boots. Then he went into the other room to remove the duvet from the bed, when a pair of familiar strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind pulling him near Nicky. They stood like this a bit, before Nicky turned Joe around, so he could look at him. “Remember when you danced with me in the bombed-out bar in Brussels right after the war?” Nicky asks and lays his forehead against his shoulder, brown hair brushing Joe’s nose. Nicky then takes Joe’s right hand in his left and presses closer to his neck, the scratch of his stubble making Joe close his eyes, letting memories wash over him. “You had found an old record player under the bar, who barely could play the record. You smiled, when you heard the lyrics of the song and we danced to it, even though I’m a terrible dancer,” Nicky said and Joe was ready to protest, but Nicky placed two fingers on his lips and he stayed quiet, lost in the depths of his blue eyes and the kiss that followed. “Can we do that again?” Nicky begged, and Joe didn't even blink. “Of course.” Joe finds the song on his phone and presses play, taking Nicky’s hand in his reverently, Nicky’s body fitting perfectly against his as they begin swaying lazily, two hearts beating in sync. when they reach the chorus, Nicky whispers in his ear in Arabic, “Yusuf, you make me the happiest man alive, Habibi.” And they share another kiss as the sun rises.

my creation

#marwan kenzari #yusuf al-kaysani #joe #nicky #nicolo di genova #luca marinelli #yusuf x nicolo #joe x nicky #nile freeman #kiki layne #andromache the scythian #charlize theron #the old guard

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thestoryofustaylorsversion · 4 years

Text

Folklore perspectives ✨

As Taylor said, each folklore tale is told from either her perspective, her friends’s perspective or perspectives of those she has never met before.

Here’s who’s perspective I believe each tale is told✨

The 1- taylor’s perspective looking back at a past friendship (most likely in her 20’s) she may have thought would be more OR betty’s perspective on how she wished things worked out different with james (during the roaring 1920s?)

‘If you really wanted me then you really should’ve shown’

‘Roaring twenties, throwing pennies in the pool. And if my wishes came true, it would have been you”

‘It could have been sweet, if it could have been me’

‘In my defense, I have none. For digging up the grave another time’

‘It could have been fun, if you would have been the one’

cardigan- betty’s perspective on her & james relationship when she’s older (reflecting on what she was told she knew vs what she knew)

‘When you are young they assume you know nothing’

‘But I new you...’

‘When I felt like an old cardigan, under someone’s bed. You put me on and said I was your favorite.’

‘Chase two girls, lose the one’

‘Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.’

‘I knew everything when I was young’

‘I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs’

‘I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired. And you’d be standing in my front porch light. And you’d come back to me’

the last great american dynasty - rebekah & taylor’s perspective on similar circumstances of being perceived as loud, mad and shamless

‘there goes the loudest/ maddest/ shameless woman this town has ever seen’

‘And then it was bought by me’

‘She/ I had a marvelous time ruining everything’

exile- james & betty’s perspective when they are a bit older on how they fell apart; how they refuse to listen to each other

‘I can see you standing honey, with his arms around your body’

‘I can see you staring honey, like he’s just your understudy’

‘I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending’

‘We always walked a very thin line’

‘Took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it’

‘Second, third and hundredth chances.’

‘You didn’t even hear me out’

‘You never/ I gave so many signs’

my tears ricochet- taylor’s perspective on the story of her masters being stolen from under her

‘Even on my worst day. Did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?’

‘Cause I loved you, swear I loved you.’

‘I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.’

‘And if I’m dead why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet.’

‘You wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me’

‘I can anywhere just not home’

‘I still talk to you, as I’m screaming at the sky’

‘And when you can’t sleep at night. You hear my stollen lullabies’

mirrorball - taylor‘s perspective of her career

‘I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight’

‘I can change everything about me to fit in’

‘But I’m still on my tallest tip toes. Spinning in my highest heels, love. Shining just for you’

‘I know they said the end is near’

‘I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try’

‘I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me’

seven- taylor‘s perspective as a child, before she is forced to grow up and become a woman

‘Picture me in the tree’

‘I peaked at seven”

‘We can be pirates’

‘Please picture me in the weeds’

‘Before I learn civility’

‘I used to scream ferociously’

august- james’ summer fling’s perspective on their summer romance

‘Are you sure? Never have I ever before’

‘I can see us lost in the memory’

‘August slipped away to a moment in time’

‘Cause you were never mine’

‘I remember thinking I had you’

‘For me it was enough’

‘So much for summer love and saying us’

‘Back when I was living for the hope of it all’

this is me trying- told from the perspective of James when he’s a little older, who feels he lost his way and is trying to find his way back after losing betty

‘I have a lot of regrets about that’

‘They told me all my cages were mental. So I got wasted like all my potential’

‘Fell behind all my classmates now I’ve ended up here’

‘But I’m here in your doorway’

‘It’s hard to be at a party when you feel like an open wound’

‘It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you’

‘You’re a flashback on a film reel on the one screen in my town’

illicit affairs- a young woman’s perspective on having an affair with someone older

‘I tell my friends I’m out for a run, you’ll be flushed when you return’ (makes me think she’s in college, living with friends)

‘What started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots’

‘That’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares’

‘Take the words for what they are. A dwindling mercurial high’

‘They show their truth just one single time but they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times.’

‘Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby’

‘Look at this idiotic fool that you made me’

invisible string- taylor’s perspective on fate bringing her to her lover, joe; time heals all things

‘isn’t it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me’

‘a single thread of gold tied me to you.’

‘green was color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial park, I used to think I’d meet somebody there ’

‘Teal was the color of your shirt when you were 16 at the yogurt shop’

‘Bad was the blood of the song in the can on your first trip to LA’

‘Bold was the waitress on our three-year-trio getting lunch down by the lakes. She said I looked like an American singer’

‘Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, but now I sent their babies presents’

‘Time, mystical, time, cutting me open and healing me fine’

‘Gave me the blues then purple pink skies (lover)’

‘Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial park’

‘Hell was a journey but it brought me heaven’

‘A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms and to that dive bar’

mad woman- taylor‘s perspective of how she (and other female artists) has been persecuted by the media, celebrities and her former record label

‘What did they think I’d say to that?’

‘They strike to kill and you know I will’

‘Does she smile? Or does she mouth “fuck you forever”’

‘Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy’

‘Women like hunting witches too’

‘I breathe fire each time I talk’

‘It’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together’

‘Cause you took everything from me. Watching you climb, watching you climb. Over people like me’

‘No one likes a mad woman, you made her like that’

epiphany- a soldier’s (her grandfather’s) perspective, a medial worker’s perspective, a hero’s battle story

‘crawling up the beaches now, I think he’s bleeding out’

‘some things you just can’t speak about’

‘hold your hands through plastic’

‘keep your helmet, keep your life son’

‘Something med school did not cover’

‘with you I serve, with you I fall down’

‘watch you breathin in, watch you breathin out’

‘doc, I think she’s crashing out’

‘only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany’

betty- james’ perspective when he was seventeen, after he came back from his summer with ‘august’. He chased two girls and now he wants betty back.

‘would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden’

‘you heard the rumors from Inez, you can’t believe a word she says, most times but this time it was true’

‘it was only a summer thing’

‘plus I saw you dance with him’

‘the worst thing I ever did was what I did to you’

‘I’m only seventeen I don’t know anything but I know I miss you’

‘I was walking home on broken cobblestones’

‘i slept next to her but I dreamed of you all summer long’

‘I’m here on your doorstep’

‘will you have me? will you love me?’

‘will this fix your broken wings?’

peace- taylor telling joe she knows she can’t give him everything he may need (peace) and is asking if that is still enough? Also a promise to do everything that she can do for him.

‘Would it be enough if I never bring you peace?’

‘You paint dream scapes on the wall, I talk shit with my friends. It’s like I’m wasting you honor’

‘People think love is for show, but I’d die for you in secret’

‘Give you my wild, give you a child’

‘The rain is always gonna come when you’re standing with me’

‘I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm’

‘You got a friend in me’

hoax- taylor making promise to joe that no matter what happens she will always be there for him; also makes references to how he’s the only one who understands her and her pain just like she understands his

‘Don’t want no other shade of blue but you’

‘No other sadness in the world would do’

‘I left a part of me back in new york’

‘You know it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart’

‘Stood on the cliffside screaming “give me a reason”’

‘Your faithless love is the hoax I believe in’

‘My broken drum, you have beaten my heart’

Although so many songs are written from many character’s perspective, I absolutely adore how certain lines in most songs are clearly about taylor. She’s such a magical author to weave her life into her character’s lives in her folklore stories ✨🖤🧚‍♂️

I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS ALBUM 🖤🖤🖤

@taylorswift @taylornation 🖤✨🧚‍♂️

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alexrbrooks29 · 4 years

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cardigan/august/betty: a Joe, Taylor and Tom love triangle?

Buckle up, ya’ll @jingersoll88 and I have a theory that is going to leave you shook! We think this self-described “teenage love triangle” is about Taylor’s 2016 summer with Tom, while she was secretly seeing/pursuing Joe. Taylor described the album as a way of “escaping into fantasy, history, and memory” - we know these stories are based on her insanely talented storytelling, use of imagery, and exploring different perspectives. Taylor said she “created character arcs & recurring themes that map out who is singing about who” and tries to make the love triangle seem like a boy pursuing two girls one summer, but we think it’s actually about her pursuing the two men. The point of view is blurred at times, and though the stories are told through other characters, the parallels to Taylor’s life are undeniable.

To break it down:

“Cardigan” - Taylor’s perspective

“August”- Tom’s perspective

“Betty”- Joe’s perspective

“cardigan”

In cardigan, Taylor sings about summer 2016 where she was dating Tom, but possibly seeing/pursuing Joe and draws inspiration from her other songs. It goes all the way back to the 2016 Met Gala, where Taylor met both Joe and Tom… and had a night of dancing with Tom to Beyoncé's "Crazy in Love" and T.I.'s "Bring 'Em Out.". Taylor describes her first time meeting Joe in the song “Dress” as “Flashback to when you met me, your buzzed cut and my hair bleached.” - basically confirming they did meet at the Met Gala.

Coming back to “cardigan,” Taylor describes her very public summer romance with Tom unfold as they go on dates all over the world, where she wore “High heels on cobblestones” in Rome, but was also still thinking about Joe. “Broken cobblestone” is later mentioned in the song betty. She describes her Met Gala outfit as “Sequined smile, black lipstick”. “But I knew you / Dancin' in your Levi's” draws a reference to her line in “Delicate” with the lyrics referring to Joe, “Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you”. “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan / Under someone's bed / You put me on and said I was your favorite” After a whirlwind summer and when Taylor was feeling at her lowest, she came back to Joe and, like a warm cardigan, he was her ultimate home .The cardigan is mentioned later in “betty” with the line, “Standing in your cardigan”. Also, Joe was in the movie “The Favourite”. “Chase two girls, lose the one” Taylor was dating Tom, but was still chasing after or couldn’t stop thinking about Joe. “Lose the one” could be seen two ways - she briefly lost Joe when she chose Tom / but in the song “the 1” she “[digs] up the grave another time” and reflects on how it could have been a fun relationship if her and Tom did end up together? The second chorus “But I knew you / Playing hide-and-seek and / Giving me your weekends, I / I knew you / Your heartbeat on the High Line /Once in twenty lifetimes” reminds us of the line in “Paper Rings” where she sang about how her and Joe played “cat and mouse for month or two or three” (May → August?) and the line “Once in twenty lifetimes” connects with the lines from Lover, “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” and Daylight, “I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night” And the ending, “'Cause I knew you / Steppin' on the last train / Marked me like a bloodstain, I” sounds similar to a “wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore” talking about Joe. Then she flips the switch and talks about Tom in the lines, “I knew you / Tried to change the ending / Peter losing Wendy” about how Tom tried to keep her, but she was never his. Verse 3 is where she could be playing with multiple perspectives “I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs / The smell of smoke would hang around this long / 'Cause I knew everything when I was young / I knew I'd curse you for the longest time / Chasin' shadows in the grocery line / I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired / And you'd be standin' in my front porch light” basically saying she would always wonder what could have been if she didn’t give a relationship with Joe the chance it deserves, or looking at it from Joe’s perspective saying he knew she would come back to him once the shininess of her relationship with Tom wore off. We’ll get to the part about the porch in betty.

“august”

August is the second song in the trio, and is from Tom’s point of view. The song describes a summer romance that was bound to fizzle out. In the folklore album prologue, Taylor says the song is inspired by “the sun drenched month of August, sipped away like a bottle of wine.” - it is of note that late August/early September is when Tom and Taylor broke up. The first verse, “Salt air, and the rust on your door / I never needed anything more / Whispers of ‘Are you sure?’ / ‘Never have I ever before’” describes the salty air of Taylor’s Rhode Island house, where her and Tom were first photographed together, and where she hosted the 4th of July party. “Are you sure/Never have I ever before” could imply they are wondering if they should be seen together, given her recent breakup with Calvin. Also in “august” she sings “your back beneath the sun, wishin’ I could write my name on it” If this was indeed written from Tom Hiddleston’s perspective, it would make sense. He wore the “ I love TS” shirt at the 4th of July party, but wished Taylor would wear his name too. Tom reflects on the month of August, when Taylor was slipping away; he tried to reconcile things when he visited her in mid-August, after they hadn’t been seen together in weeks, but it is too late. Perhaps, during the weeks they didn’t see each other she was pursuing Joe? “August slipped away into a moment in time / 'Cause it was never mine / And I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August sipped away like a bottle of wine” (Also, can we stop pretending this is about teenagers, what teenagers drink wine?!) He also says “you weren’t mine to lose” meaning he knew he never really had her to begin with. “But do you remember? / Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car" / And then canceled my plans just in case you'd call? / Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all” Hmmm this definitely sounds like a callback to “Getaway Car” where Taylor sang “You were drivin' / The getaway car / We were flyin' / But we'd never get far” Was Tom the actual vehicle, THE getaway car for her to leave Calvin in? In “Getaway Car” she also mentions how she “switched to the other side”, potentially meaning she ultimately chose the other man, Joe. Taylor also alluded to a love triangle in that song with the lyrics, “But with three of us, honey, it's a side show / And a circus ain't a love story / And now we're both sorry”

“betty”

Ah, finally to betty - written from Joe’s perspective. It’s no coincidence that “William Bowery” is the unknown co-writer of this song. Joe’s grandfather’s name is William. Taylor and Joe separately attended a private Kings of Leon concert at the Bowery Hotel in October 2016. William Bowery = Joe Alwyn. Joe may have helped Taylor see things from his perspective and tapped into that while co-writing the song together. The perspective isn’t entirely perfect in this song, but it could be the narrator describing both sides of the story. The song starts by describing how “Betty” is hurt by something that the narrator did. “You heard the rumors from Inez / You can't believe a word she says / Most times, but this time it was true / The worst thing that I ever did / Was what I did to you” - This is where it gets interesting - if Joe is the narrator, that would imply he did something to hurt Taylor. Taylor has written a few times about how she may have been hurt by Joe at some point, or maybe implying how they hurt each other throughout their illicit affair. If this is written from Joe’s perspective, it implies he isn’t completely innocent in this love triangle. Of note, Taylor also mentions being hurt in “hoax” where she says “but what you did was just as dark” “But if I just showed up at your party / Would you have me? / Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself? / Or lead me to the garden? / In the garden would you trust me / If I told you it was just a summer thing? / I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything / But I know I miss you” PAUSE. Cruel Summer also says, “I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you / And I, snuck in through the garden gate / Every night that summer just to seal my fate” Implying they were sneaking around that summer… in a garden. Maybe implying that her relationship with Tom was just a summer thing. Also of note, Taylor referred to herself as seventeen in the song “I Think He Knows”. The lyrics use the imagery of a high school dance to describe what we can only infer as Joe seeing Taylor from across the room dancing with Tom in the lines, “Your favorite song was playing / From the far side of the gym / I was nowhere to be found / I hate the crowds, you know that / Plus, I saw you dance with him” - further confirming Joe saw Taylor dancing with Tom at the Met Gala. The point of view gets blurry, but later in the the bridge it goes, “I was walking home on broken cobblestones / Just thinking of you / When she pulled up like / A figment of my worst intentions / She said "James, get in, let's drive" / Those days turned into nights / Slept next to her, but / I dreamt of you all summer long” This could be shifting to Taylor’s POV when she was leaving the Met Gala on “broken cobblestone” (imagery for a broken path.. Not knowing where she stands or what to do) when Tom slid in and said “let’s drive” (read: Getaway Car) and she didn’t intend for the night to go that way, but it did… and she ended up spending the summer with Tom, but thought of Joe all summer long.

In conclusion, we believe Taylor used this high school love triangle as a way to describe her love triangle with Tom and Joe in the summer of 2016. She mixed up characters and meshed some ideas, but ultimately the overarching theme is this:

Taylor is the perspective in “cardigan.” Knowing she would ultimately come back to Joe after she went off and had her fun.

Tom’s perspective in “august” is sad in a way. It’s in this song that he realizes Taylor was never his to lose, she always belonged to Joe.

Finally, Joe in “betty” admits the worst thing she ever did was what she did to Joe. Potentially they started off as friends as she sings “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this,” in “Paper Rings” then Taylor was a little lost. She explored possibilities with Tom. She may have secretly still met with Joe on weekends and at night, leading him on. Ultimately, she makes her way back to Joe. She apologizes, and she realizes he’s been there all along and he’s the one for her.

She showed up at his party. And ya’ll, it looks like he forgave her.

Broken wings officially patched.

#@taylorswift #@taylornation #betty #august #cardigan #folklore #swifties #eastereggs #joealwyn #taylurking #lovetriangle #fantheory #tom hiddleston

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warriorlid14 · 4 years

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Ani Re-read: Book 2 Pt. 2

“We’re still learning about thought-speech. We know there are limits on how far it can be ‘heard.’ But we aren’t sure what the limits are.” Does anyone ever? Does K.A.A know? Because these kids constantly fly together and have to be flying separately. So the reach has to be longer than however big Chapman’s house is, right?

Sooo... how many controllers have secret rooms in their homes? Because, like, that’s a big project. I don’t question much how the yeerk pool was built. But having a secret basement in all high-ranking controller’s homes? All the construction workers in this town are probably controllers.

“May the Kandrona shine and strengthen you.” ... I really love that, not gonna lie.

“It was a hologram, I knew.” I guess the yeerks upgraded to zoom premium. For just $59.99/mo you too can have your boss virtually come into your home to yell at you.

“And when the Council of Thirteen is angry with me, I am angry with you.” Okay, I LOVE to read about yeerk bureaucracy.

“‘What a ferocious little beast,’ Visser Three said approvingly.” And so the tales of Visser Three the Cat Person begin. Up next he’ll move from house cats to tigers.

“But [Visser Three] was not a creature who made impetuous decisions.” HAHAHAHAHA.

“Claws and teeth and ferocity mixed with subtlety to manipulate creatures larger than itself. A worthy creature.” Okay, most accurate description of a cat ever. But also! Guys! Get Visser Three a cat!

“I fed you his brain and made you my lieutenant. But I can suck you back out again if you fail me. Would you like to see what happened to the last fool who failed me?” Anyways, unionize the yeerks.

OH NO, I’VE MADE SO MANY COMMENTS AND I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO MELISSA. Okay, enough about yeerk politics.

Okay, but like. There apparently exists a creature in the Yeerk homeworld who evolved SPECIFICALLY to suck yeerks out of their host bodies. Think about that for a second. (I’m not saying it’s improbable, just very disturbing.)

“That Andalite-controlling scum... I wish the Council of Thirteen would find out what kind of a mess he’s making on this planet.” Okay, I know I said I’d stop talking about yeerk politics, but come on, this is golden. And also I forgot how early we get into it.

Okay, but this scene? Where the Chapmans use endearments for Melissa, but there’s no feelings behind it? Oh, my heart.

“This was the kind of horror that made you cry instead of scream.” Yeah.

“Melissa sat down on her bed and began sobbing.” D: same tho

“What did I do, Fluffer?... Why don’t they love me anymore?” Oh, baby. Oh, honey. You precious child.

(I’m crying over Melissa but also a little bit over Rachel understanding that the atrocity of the yeerk war runs way deeper than they know.)

“Jake put his hand over Marco’s mouth. ‘People? And I use that term loosely. We need to decide what we’re doing next.’“ Whoever said Jake isn’t funny (me), is a liar (also me).

“Marco’s voice always cracked when he mentioned his mom.” BABY.

“... Jake was about to say something impatient. And I was feeling the same way, like Marco just needed to deal with reality.” YEAH, RACHEL. THE REALITY THAT HIS MOM IS DEAD AND HIS DAD FELL APART AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM, LIKE, DIE IN A BLOODY WAR, HIS DAD WOULD FALL APART.

“But Cassie put her arm on Marco’s arm. ‘Don’t ever let any of this get in the way of spending time with your dad.’“ dhfjfgkdsdgui I love Cassie so much.

“I hadn’t told anyone about Visser Three telling Chapman to kill me.” GODAMNIT, RACHEL. But, okay, I forgive you this time. Pls go comfort Melissa.

“What are you going to do, turn into a flea and ride on my back?” HAHAHA.

“It was a dark and stormy night. Sorry, I’ve always wanted to write that.” Rachel, you fucking dork. I love you.

Okay, so. Iniss is just sitting there, doing nothing? Maybe they’re arguing with Chapman? Replaying old memories or movies? Like, yeerks are not boring. They enjoy human activities. idk, maybe Iniss only lives for bureaucracy.

“I’m a flea... I’m on your back.” HAHAHAHA. But also, Jake. you almost blew her cover.

“Do you know how tiring it is to have an uncooperative host?” Oh noooo. A person who refuses to be enslaved?? Fuck you, Iniss.

They’re. Fighting. For. Their. Daughter.

“‘I didn’t notice you.’ Melissa stepped back like she’d been slapped. ‘But Daddy, I was crying.’“ .... I’m not crying. Nope. Not crying.

Okay, but the entire scene where Rachel’s trying to get Jake to leave because she doesn’t want him to be killed as well? Yeah.

“Fear is like a worm inside you. It eats you. It chews your guts. It bores holes in your heart. It makes you feel hollow. Empty. Alone.” Hmm. Yeah. TOTALLY needed that before I go to sleep.

“On the edge of absolute panic, I let the cat mind take over.” Maybe one day I’ll right an essay about how the animorphs use their animal minds to escape.

“I had to die in this body, and take my secret with me.” She is SO scared, but always putting her friends before her. How do people hate her?

“I agreed to surrender my freedom... but only if you would spare my daughter.” “If you harm my daughter I will fight you. I will fight you forever.”

*deep breaths*... Not crying.... Okay, SO:

Chapman became a controller to save his daughter. But now the yeerks don’t give her any affection. So she thinks her parents don’t love her. When in reality they love her more than anything in the world. Enough to put up with such mental anguish. This freaking, series, man.

Also. Now I’m going to talk about voluntary controllers. (SPOILERS FOR FUTURE BOOKS)

The thing that bugs me is that there’s no clear distinction between voluntary controllers. As in, Chapman will continue to be referred to as a voluntary controller. Which, like, technically he is? But also, no. Chapman is not cooperating with the yeerks (voluntaries in #1). He is not willingly bringing in more recruits (Taylor). Or using his resources to help them (Joe Bob Finestra). All he is doing is not resisting. He’s not fighting. Which by the way, is a fight that he would lose anyway. By this logic, Tom almost became a voluntary controller because he agreed to stop fighting if the yeerks spared Jake.

Also, the Sharing members. People who accepted to become full-members without realizing what it meant until it was too late. Yeah, you know who did that? Tobias. In MM4. And instantly HATED himself and never accepted the yeerk. Yet, he is still called a voluntary controller.

Even Taylor, y’all. She was a vulnerable girl who went through a horrifying, traumatizing experience. And the yeerks exploited her vulnerabilities It is the people that are ostracized by society that get targeted by the yeerks. And, look, obviously the solution is never “I’m going to help enslave society”, but I doubt most people even know what they’re signing up for. And later just try to survive, The Sharing is literally a cult. (And also, Taylor later regretted becoming a voluntary controller)

I’m not saying that the animorphs are unsympathetic, because they’re not. They understand that the yeerks are manipulative assholes. I just wish that the term “voluntary controller” wasn’t that broad because it’s a little more complicated than “evil people who betrayed their species for power”.

END OF SPOILERS.

Is this the first instance of taxxon canibalism in the series? Or did it come up in the first book?

So, yeah, the earthmovers were a complete deus ex maachina.. I’m not super mad about it, honestly.

Rachel left Melissa a note!!! Lovely.

Okay, so final thoughts: I really liked this book this second time around. Not that I didn’t like it the first time, but one, I read the series out of order. Two, it’s not a huge mission book. And it’s placed between the first book and the first Tobias book, which is a HUGE book considering what has happened to him. But this book really gives us a more personal look on what the yeerks are doing to this one specific family instead of focusing on the bigger picture. And that’s powerful. Because as much as they’re fighting to protect everyone, they’re mostly fighting to protect their families and friends. At least at first.

(I would link the previous post, but tumblr apparently made it disappear. Can’t find it and I’m mad)

#warriorlid reads animorphs #animorphs #animorphs spoilers

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kclenhartnovels · 5 years

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Episode Three

[One] [Two]

“Wait!”

DeWitt held up their hands in a T shape, and took a few steps forward. Frosticle startled, and the ice obediently cuddled against her palm instead. “Wait, please. Ms. Jackson, can you kindly explain to me your evil twin sister?”

Kate tucked the blanket around her shoulders, crossing her legs comfortably. Flashback panels littered behind her while she spoke, and Frosticle waited patiently for the explanation to finish. “When we were babies, my mother knew that there was something wrong with Vanessa, but she could never tell what it was. My parents raised us until we were nine, and then there was a terrible accident, and they were both killed.” The flashback panels politely showed a young Vanessa freezing the steering wheel, sending a car and the entire family into oncoming headlights. “My grandparents adopted and raised me, but they knew that Vanessa was evil. So she went to live with the Villa family.”

“They loved me for who I really am,” Frosticle snarled, curling her fist and sending cracks of frost across the floor. “Evil.”

DeWitt scrubbed at their face for a moment. “Ms. Villa, I have reason to believe that you are in great danger as well.”

“Great danger?” she repeated, and laughed. “Darling, I am the danger. And I’m here to kill my sister.”

“Why?” DeWitt asked, already digging out a business card.

The question seemed to throw her for a moment, and she looked between Kate and DeWitt. It snowed thoughtfully. “Because Power Surge loves her, and I must destroy everything that he loves.” She clenched her fist. A wind swirled the snow, waving her hair dramatically.

“Why didn’t you kill your sister when you killed your parents?” DeWitt pressed. “You had the opportunity then. Why wait all these years until she happened to fall in love with your enemy?”

“I love my sister,” Frosticle snarled. “But I hate men. She fell in love with a man, and the worst kind of man! She betrayed me!”

DeWitt held out the business card between two fingers. “Luckily for you, I am not a man. Let me help you, too.”

The wind snatched the card out of their hand, and obediently wafted it into Frosticle’s. She inspected it with a sneer. “Secondary Character Protection Agency. I am not secondary.”

“You wouldn’t be, if this was your story. But listen to your dialogue, Ms. Villa. You’re an antagonist, and one that the writers will gleefully kill. But not until they make you kill your sister, who you love.” DeWitt spread their hands pleadingly. Their coat fluttered in the same wind that buffeted Frosticle’s hair. Somehow, it didn’t touch DeWitt’s hat. “Ms. Villa, you are the perfect villain for them to kill. You are beautiful, strong, black, and a lesbian. There is no way you’re getting out of this story alive without my help.”

Kate stood at last, holding the blanket around her shoulders like a cape. Snow kissed her hair. Her lips were too blue. “Nessa, please.”

Frosticle tucked the card into her cleavage. “There is one other way I can get out of this story alive. I just have to kill Power Surge.” The wind whirled, tossing snow and scattered shards around the room, and then Frosticle disappeared back out the broken window.

DeWitt rushed to the window, and swore quietly.

“We’re eight stories up,” Kate protested, not daring to move for all the broken glass. “Where did she go? Ice powers wouldn’t allow her to fly.”

“Villain physics,” DeWitt explained. “It allows for dramatic entrances and exits, regardless of powers. She’ll be fine.” They turned enough to offer Kate an exhausted smile. “Superheroes have their own set of physics, too. It’s why they can always stick the landing.”

“Trent never complains that his knees hurt,” Kate agreed with a frown. “But I have weak ankles. I’m always falling into his arms.”

“Of course you are.” DeWitt rubbed at their face for a moment, then took off their hat and raked fingers through their hair. They wanted nothing more than a shower and a half dozen shots of whiskey, but there was no time for that, and they doubted the writers were ready for a drunken interlude. Not when the stakes had just risen. Maybe another dozen chapters, and there would be a comedic break, but they weren’t counting on it. “I doubt we’ll be able to catch up to Frosticle right now--we need to find another way to get to her to help.”

“Do you think she’ll let us help?”

“No, but maybe we can stop her from killing Trent.” They looked around the apartment, still strewn with shards of glass and scattered with snow.

“Do we need to clean up?” Kate asked with a frown. “Your windows are missing.”

“I’m not worried about it,” they said with a flippant motion, and put their hat back on. “This mess is too much for the artist to draw over and over. It will be cleaned up on its own by the time we get back.”

“Get back from where?”

“I think it’s time we have a talk with that barista again. Get some clothes on, Miss Jackson.”

“Where do you expect to find him? It’s the middle of the night,” Kate pointed out, pulling a shirt on anyway. The front of it read Drop Dead Gorgeous. DeWitt didn’t like the sadistic foreshadowing.

DeWitt gestured towards the broken windows. Dawn began to peek over the horizon, glimmering off the high rises around them, and sending light across Kate’s cheekbones. “Story progression is more important than the continuity of time. You’ll get used to it eventually.”

She tugged on a pair of jeans that hugged her thighs too closely. “But I thought we were trying to intentionally break the narrative. How can we do that if even time is broken?”

They offered Kate an overcoat. “There are some things we will never have control over, Miss Jackson. This world is written and drawn for viewers that we will never see. In order to have our own agency, we have to find a way to move in the peripherals of their vision. You were never aware of the way time moved before. Now that you know, you can use it to your advantage. Which is why we’re going to get coffee.”

Kate slid into the coat. It was too big on her, and for once covered her skin without immediately sticking to her curves. DeWitt counted it as a small victory. “Do you think my cream will mix this time?” she asked hopefully.

DeWitt doubted it, but offered her a noncommittal shrug instead. Just as before, Sugar Honey Ice & Tea had a nominal line, just long enough for Kate to lean up on her toes and peer over the heads of strangers. She wasn’t wearing heels for a change, and DeWitt wished they had been keeping a notepad just to tally the minor changes, before they became part of the conscious rendering.

“You gave Joe Steve your business card, right?” Kate asked with a frown. “Did he ever go by your office?”

They shrugged helplessly again. “I don’t know; the plot curved away when Frosticle appeared, and I think the writer forgot about the scene. I guess we’ll find out when we talk to him if he remembers me or not.”

She rubbed at her nose. “Agent DeWitt, this is very complicated. How can everyone just forget or remember things that may or may not have ever happened? How am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s--?”

“What’s been redacted, edited, or canonly changed?” They smiled, and put an arm around Kate’s shoulders. A saxophone solo blared from the overhead speakers. DeWitt chose to ignore it. “I’ll get you signed up to receive THE CANON CHRONICLE. It will help you keep track of any changes.”

“Good morning, what do you want?” Demeter greeted from behind the counter. A brightly-colored pin promised SERVICE WITH A SMILE!, but her pierced lips refused to even make the attempt.

DeWitt pulled a folded wallet out of their coat, flashing it open to reveal a badge. “I need to talk with your barista for a few moments, please.”

“And two coffees,” Kate added brightly.

“Please,” DeWitt agreed, handing over cash as well, leaving some of it in the tip jar.

Demeter barely blinked. “That’s not a city police badge, not FBI or CIA, not even the secret government agency’s.”

“How would you know what the secret government agency’s badge looks like?”

“Duh. Everyone knows it. What good would a secret agency be without marketing?” She handed them a receipt with a look of faint scathing. “So what is that badge?”

“SCPA, ma’am. I gave him my business card yesterday.”

Demeter glanced down to the barista, who was sporting a black eye from his last fight with Power Surge, but seemed otherwise unscathed. “Yo, Frappachino, take your fifteen, huh?”

Kate sat at a table at the far end of the cafe, and stirred her coffee with more force than necessary, but the cream still did no more than make an artistic whorl in the center. The overcoat slipped off her shoulders to pool around her elbows.

“So,” DeWitt began, steepling their fingers as the barista joined them at the table. “Do you prefer Joe or Steve?”

“I prefer Dr. Thomson,” he corrected, his shoulders nearly double the width of the chair he leaned back against. “I have two doctorates and four masters’ degrees.”

Kate’s eyes widened, and small shock scribbles appeared around her mouth. “What are you doing working at a cafe, then?”

His massive shoulders shrugged. “I’m the right size for a henchman, so it’s how I got cast. There was already an oversized doctor villain in town, and Doc Tom doesn’t sound as intimidating.”

DeWitt sighed through their nose. “And let me guess, your doctorates aren’t medical, so there was no other way for you to be cast?”

“No, they’re in philosophy and literature, specializing in romanticism poetry.” He adopted a wistful expression. “Byronic poetry in particular just speaks to me.”

Kate’s smile was wistful. “Trent gets confused when a word has more than three syllables.”

“So,” DeWitt redirected, taking a sip of their coffee at last, “you work for Frosticle?”

“Yes, I am a criminal assistant.”

“Don’t you mean accomplice?” Kate asked.

Dr. Tom shook his head. “If anything, it’s more like criminal intern. I’m not getting paid, which is why I work here. That, and it allows me to spy on superheroes for her.”

“I thought Frosticle hated men. Why do you work for her?” DeWitt already had another business card in hand.

“I have no idea,” he admitted. “I think it’s an inconsistent writer.”

“We did talk yesterday,” DeWitt decided.

“I was in your office for three hours. Your Chief handed me a stack of inspirational cards on my way out.”

“Well, that makes this easier.” DeWitt tilted their hat, and leaned forward conspiratorially. “We need to stop your boss before she tries to kill Power Surge. We need your help to be able to get into her lair and talk with her.”

“Talk to her?” Dr. Tom repeated. “You’ll never get past Lesbeam. She kills anyone that even gets close to the warehouse. And she doesn’t accept solicitors, either, so I don’t think your business cards will help.”

“What warehouse?” DeWitt pressed. “Just tell us where we need to go, and we’ll figure it out from there.”

“We?” Kate repeated. Even halfway empty, her coffee and cream remained a perfect swirl. “I get to go with you? Not just stay behind and stare wistfully out the window in my underwear?”

“Well, of course. We’re partners, Miss Jackson. I need you with me.”

Dr. Tom scribbled an address on a piece of paper. Based on his handwriting, DeWitt had no doubt that he had multiple doctorates; it was barely legible. “I have to get back to work,” he said, standing and blocking out the overhead lights for a moment with his girth. “Good luck.”

Demeter leaned against the counter to call over to them. “Yo, Blended Machiatto, your break’s over.”

“Before we go to the warehouse,” DeWitt whispered, tucking the slip of paper into their coat. “I think we need to swing by the office, Miss Jackson, and help you look the part.”

“Look the part of what?”

Kate didn’t remember walking from the coffee shop to the office; she didn’t remember seeing a pair of disappointed teenagers walking out of the door when they realized there were no puppies up for adoption; she didn’t remember Chief Special Agent greeting them with his booming voice, or handing her a stack of paperwork to fill out; she didn’t remember looking through a closet full of clothing, or anything else that happened over the next few hours. None of it mattered to the viewer, and none of it was as impressive as cutting right to her walking through the Agency’s door.

Clad in a fitted black suit, Kate tipped down the brim of her hat, and gave DeWitt a bright smile. “Agent DeWitt, I am ready for my first assignment.”

“Well then, Agent Jackson. Let’s get to work.”

As always, patrons get first chance to read plus other goodies, and my ko-fi tip jar is always open. Also available to read on Wattpad!

Tag list below. Let me know if you want to be added or removed!

@gingerly-writing @rrrawrf-writes @thewinedarksea @writerofwritings @hechiceria @knightedwriter @kaypier @panhasablog @writevevo @janicelikeswriting @the-jennster

@awakeingdreamer @starspangledscarf @dino-and-coffee @thedreamsofthesky @suckerforcryptids @mcubed35 @seadrianwrites @reality-s @emb3rash @beckaboi

@spontaneoustornadoes @fandom-child-4life @power-in-plain-sight @timetravelingpigeon @eblisfiction @mercy-is-alive @anayaleelee@fryingpanbouquet @erinoddly @indigobadger @westywrites @i-am-probably-procrastinating @princessbutterknife @soupopoireau @avi-burton-writing @purpleshadows1989

#writeblr #scpa #original fiction #satire #heroes and villains #secondary character protection agency #episode 3 #so i'm doing this for camp nano #so hopefully updates will come faster #sorry this took so long but my mental health has been #uh not good #it's getting better!

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imonlymewhenimsleeping · 5 years

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I'm in absolute awe of @taylorswift . Growing up with her music since I was 7, I'll admit I took a lot of her earlier stuff for granted. Catchy tunes, singing about angsty teen girl stuff. These last two albums have really made me stop and take a look at the message behind all her lyrics, and I'm amazed at the story she so easily weaves in her melodies.

We have stories of love, loss, heartbreak, fear, friendship, growing up, forgiveness, indifference, anger, frustration over having to deal with "enemies (who) started out friends".

We've watched Taylor grow through her albums. We've watched her find her place in this industry, in the world, break down barriers, and find the love and happiness she so richly deserves. Through her lyrics, she's letting us have a view into a good portion of her life, which she never had to do. She wanted to.

Music on the radio today is so hollow. Most songs are about nothing but drugs, sex, and flaunting wealth. There are a few decent songs that tell some sort of story, but no one can hold a candle to Taylor's unstoppable force of storytelling. I mean, just take these as an example. (This is just a theory and how I read it, may not have been Taylor's intention but I digress):

Reputation, "Getaway Car"

• I'm not going to post all the lyrics, because this song as a whole is a big chunk of the story. Something is going wrong, and Taylor is looking for a way to get out of her first relationship in 2016 (Mr Harris). Mr Loki comes along, boom there's a reason.

Reputation, "Gorgeous" - 'You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk / You should think about the consequence / Of your magnetic field being a little too strong / And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us /He's in the club doing I don't know what'

• Taylor's in a relationship with someone older (Mr Loki, based on timeline) when she lays eyes on someone (Alwyn) and sparks start flying (heh). She's trying to play it off a bit, making fun of his "accent", talking to everyone else except him because she's so overwhelmed.

Lover, "Paper Rings" - 'Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet / Now I've read all of the books beside your bed / The wine is cold / Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street / Cat and mouse for a month or two or three'

• The first and last lines of this segment stick out to me. We have Taylor coming home from the party having just met Joe, and doing what every normal girl does when they wanna find out more about someone without being too upfront - Googling! Maybe they realized there was a bit of a connection there over time, but clearly Taylor isn't up for anything right now, instead they're playing Cat and Mouse. Say what you will, but that's an easy way to tell if someone's really interested or not...

Lover, "Lover" - 'I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all'

• Added this in as a backup to the Mr Loki timeline. As of the release, three summers would put us back in Summer of 2016, while Tom and Taylor were together.

Reputation, "Getaway Car"

• Hey, we're back here again. Now Taylor is realizing that this thing with Mr Loki isn't working out... The Getaway Car scenario isn't a good idea, and her heart may not feel as involved as it seems to be with Mr Alwyn. She leaves Mr Loki in a motel bar, crying as she drives away.

Lover, "Cruel Summer" - 'I'm drunk in the back of the car / And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh) / Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true / I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you'

• I may have this portion of the storyline wrong, but let's consider this a moment: Taylor gets into a cab, leaving Mr Loki behind... Likely going to find Mr Alwyn and put herself in a safe space where she can feel comfortable and process all these emotions. Crying in the back of the cab, saying she's fine even though she's clearly not. "I don't want to keep secrets just to keep you" - perhaps having been hiding this connection from Mr Loki for some reason, maybe fear or something of that nature. Alternatively, hiding this connection from the media, as this was kind of in the midst of all the turmoil that started spiraling that summer.

Over the remainder of the songs on both the Reputation and Lover albums, we see this small spark of connection grow from a passing interest into three years worth of memories and love. This ends up culminating in what could only be described as WEDDING HYPE???!? Seriously, what's going on with that, and the date July 13th 2020? Taylor, I'm shook.

I know I'm rambling, but the point of all of this is to showcase a mere portion of Taylor's ability to weave a storyline with simple melodies and lyrics that many people can relate to. She's offered up her own experiences in a format that let's her get out her feelings, and allows others to apply her words to their own scenarios. This makes it much more personal for all of us, and makes us feel like we're understood. Taylor is a master at her craft, and I'm so honored to have watched her grow over all these years and to see her blossom in the beautiful woman she is today 💗

#taylor swift #reputation #taylurking #personal #lover #lyrics #meanings #theories #fan theory #lover theories #taylor swift theories

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hoodpankow · 5 years

Text

We don’t need you now - Calum Hood

Summary: Afraid and confused, Calum left Y/N when he found out she was pregnant with his child but has regreted it every day since then,so when he sees her again he is determined to win his loved one and his daughter’s trust again.

a/n: first of all,I wanna say that i don’t think Calum would ever do something like this but this is just a fictional story so it doesn’t matter, second,I totally support the right of choice and think that women should be allowed to do whatever they prefrer with their bodies but in this scenario the character doesn’t see it as an option. I may turn this into a series so enjoy!

word count:2036

[...]

"This can't be happening." You whispered to yourself as you looked at the plastic stick on the sink,two visible pink lines on it.

You and Calum had a stable two-year relationship but a baby was the last thing you needed,you were halfway done through your dream college course and his band was finally succeeding,so they were all over the place. You were on the pill and always made sure Calum would use a condom,even when he didn't want to,but then it came to your mind,that one damn night in Australia,you were spending the holidays in a cabin with his family,everyone went out to dinner but you decided to stay and have some wine,one thing led to another and before you saw you were both naked in a jacuzzi.

You made the math in your had and the baby would be born in the end of your summer vacation,so your bump wouldn't be so huge during classes,of course abortion crossed your mind but then you remembered your mom telling you that everything happens for a reason and that we should respect that,even if it seems horrible at first,something good may come out of it. You always wanted to be a mother,and even if the timing wasn't the best, you would have to learn how to deal with it because you were irresponsible and let that happen at first, that was it, you were keeping it and hoped Calum would be there for you.

__________

A week went by and Calum finally had a break from tour and could go back home, you talked to him but kept the whole pregnancy thing a secret because you didn’t think telling such a huge thing by phone or a text was the best to do.

You heard the bell to your front door ring and got up from the place you were laying in bed almost dying out of boredom.

“Hey babe, i missed you” Your boyfriend said as soon as you opened the door and he stepped in, he hugged you and then started a passionate kiss.

“I missed you too...but i really need to tell you something” You stated and took a few steps back, so you could really look at him.

“Wow, not even a ‘welcome back’ hug or kiss? You’re scaring me.” He chuckled.

“You can get your hug and kiss after your hear me, it’s serious”You took a deep breath and just hoped for the best.

“Alright, just spit it out” He took a step closer and took your hand in his.

“Apparently we weren’t as careful as we thought and...”You stared at your hands and then into his eyes,you had to do it. “I took a test and i’m pregnant...I know we are young but we are not that young,i am almost finishing college and your music thing is doing great,we can do this, right? Please tell me we can!”

“Y/N, are you serious? You can’t be serious, we can’t have a fucking baby right now! Do you actually consider keeping it? Are you insane?” He unattached your hands and stepped back.

“What do you mean if i’m gonna keep it? Of course i am going to fucking keep it, i had a whole week to think about it and the idea of being a mom doesn’t sound bad anymore.” You said through gritted teeth and he just laughed, he fucking laughed.

“This must be a sick joke ‘cause there’s no way i’m having a child right now.”

“Calum, You better not be trying to say what i think you are, because once you say it there’s no taking back and you will regret forever” You warned, actually getting protective of your unborn child, how dare Calum treat his own baby like that?

“That’s exactly what i’m trying to say, you will choose and you will do it right no,is it me or this child, Y/N?”

“You know what Calum? I choose my child, and if this is how you’re gonna act about this, maybe i am the one who doesn’t want you in neither my or this baby’s life!” You stated and walked to the door, opening it. “Then you are more than welcome to leave and never como back” He seemed shocked at first but soon seemed angry again.

“I will do it, happily!” He left and made sure to bang the door on his way out.

__________

Being a single mom wasn’t even closed to being easy and you thought about giving up several times since the pregnancy but every time you took a look at your little girl’s face everything just made sense.

Your family and friends stood by your side the whole time, it made you so grateful and you felt so loved.

As soon as you finished college, and were a proud and formed architect, you got an amazing job offer from an office in New York City, which you obviously accepted, it was hard to leave the people who support you and helped you with Amelia in LA but it was for the best, you had this awesome opportunity to give your daughter the life she deserved and even though you missed Calum sometimes, You felt like such a badass by actually being able to say you didn’t need a man’s help to raise your child, the two of you were doing more then great by yourselves.

Amy had just recently turned 2 years old and was still figuring out how to form proper and understandable sentences but you pretended to understand everything so she wouldn’t get frustrated.

You loved the New York lifestyle and had found the perfect apartment, everything seemed perfect as you and your little best friend walked through the Trader Joe’s hallways trying to remember everything you had to get.

“Do you think we need chocolate chip cookies baby?” You asked your daughter as you got a package.

“Yes!” She nodded and clapped with a huge smile on her face, her afternoon nap had lasted longer than expected so she was full of energy at 10 p.m.

“Well, that’s perfect ‘cause I totally think we need them too!” You smiled and put them in your cart, another thing you loved about NYC was the fact that you could go grocery shopping in your pj’s and no one would say shit about it.

“Mummy, gummy bears!” She shouted, full of excitement.

“I think we have enough sugar for today honey, now we need to get some vegetables” She pouted but didn’t say anything else and just let you lead the cart to the vegetables section.

The cart with Amelia was right beside you while you were turned back choosing the best looking zucchini.

“Y/N? Oh my good, is that really you? We haven’t seen you in ages” You turned around and saw the three faces you never thought you would see again, and the worst part was that you knew the fourth would appear at any second.

“Oh- hey guys!” You smiled at Luke,Michael and Ashton, you actually enjoyed their friendship and missed it.

“What are you doing in New York?”Luke asked, confused. “And with a child” Michael was even more confused.

“I was offered a job here when i finished college,and...this is Amelia, my daughter” You stared the ground and they just stood there, in shock.

“Daughter? How old is she?” Ashton asked.

“Two!” Amy said, confused by all these new people around her and holding her tiny hands up, signaling that she wanted to be held, what you happily did.

“Is she Calum’s? Does he know?” Michael wondered and you wanted to laugh.

“You can be 100% sure he knows and never had any interest in being a part of her life” You stated giving Amy her pacifier and then watching her lay her head on your shoulder.

“So he left when you told him? That fucking asshole!” Luke stated.

“Watch your language!” You warned and they chuckled.

“Hey guys, what has been taking you-” And there it was, the fourth voice, the guy who broke your heart and you never expected to see again. “Y/N?”

“Calum” You looked at your daughter and saw she was almost falling asleep, you just wanted to go home and pretend this never happened.

“Is that the baby?” He asked, looking apprehensive,and i dare say sad or, regretful?

“Yes, this is Amelia, my daughter.” You said and tried to push the cart with your free hand to try and get out of there as fast as possible. “Bye guys,it was great seeing you, I hope we can catch up some day”

“Are you serious? You can’t just walk away, I mean,I am her father after all.” He followed you and the boys were a few steps back, but still paying full attention.

“Her father? You’re kidding,right?” A dry laugh left your lips. “You’re not her father,you aren’t the one who was there to comfort her when she couldn’t sleep, feel proud when she took her first steps or wish you could take her pain every time she gets sick, You are just the dude that knocked me up and left!” You whisper-yelled, trying not to disturb Amelia’s sleep, she didn’t need to see this, she didn’t need to see him.

“I regret it, alright? I regret it every single day, I looked for you but you had already moved and nobody wanted to tell me where you were” He was on the verge of tears but that was far from enough.

“That’s not an excuse Calum! You shouldn’t have left in the first place.” You shouted and that was enough to make the child in your arms wake up.

“Mummie?” She asked, rubbing her eyes. “Angry?”

“No baby, mommy is not angry, just upset but it will be ok.” You kissed her chubby cheek and she returned the action to you.

Calum just stood there mesmerized by the two girls that he was so incredibly stupid to let go and now was willing to do anything to get back, he couldn’t even describe the pain he felt by knowing he missed two years of his daughter’s life and it was all his fault, he chose that.

“Y/N, please, that was the stupidest thing I ever did in my life and I know I didn’t act like her father but from now on it’s all I want to do, I don’t want to miss anymore important things, I want her to know who I am and to love me, I’ll do anything, I can move to New York, retire from my music career, you choose and i’ll do it” He sure was desperate if he was even risking his career, his most prized possession.

“That’s never what i wanted you to do Calum, you didn’t have to give up on anything, you just had to be there for us, I could balance everything, you just didn’t want to.”

“But now I do, please Y/N, all i’m asking for is one more chance.” At this point both of you had already given up on trying to contain the tears.

“How I know you won’t mess it up? I can totally hurt us again,this isn’t even about me anymore Calum, back then she wasn’t born, she didn’t feel, but now all I worry about is her and I won’t let you break her heart like you did to me!” At this point you were full on sobbing and Amy was trying to understand what was going on and hugging you, because that’s what you did to her when she was upset.

“So just let me see her again, she doesn’t even need to know who I am, we will do everything by your terms, please” He got closer and looked at you with pleading eyes.

“Call me and we can schedule,I will tell her you are an old friend and if you mess this up you can forget we exist” You handed him one of your work cards and left.

A/n : there will be a part 2.

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roselukes · 5 years

Text

Memories - m.c.

Summary: Michael was always meant to be a father

Tag list: @sassy-asht0n @happycrimiscalum @rosesarered516 @hoe4hemmo @heartbreakashton94 4 @climatehood @calumspeachy @dukehoods @holidayhood @wrappedaroundcal @mistletoemichael @plainwhiteluke @irwinkitten @hereforlukescruff @astroashtonio @catchinqcalum @irwinvalentines @hollyjollyhood @biggestslutforcalum @calumhampton @angelmikeyy @hotmessmichael @curlyhairedpopstars @meloncal @lukeschestnuts @thecashtonexpress @calsjackets @boytoynamedcalum @alyssarester @ssophisticated-simplicityy

Words: 2k

When Michael found out you were pregnant, it was the most terrifying moment of his life thus far. He didn’t know the first thing about raising a baby or being a father. He knew he had to learn, but the thought of being responsible for another human being made his brain feel like it was swimming. “Mike, we’re gonna be late.” You said, coming down the stairs.

“Babe, I don’t think I can do this.” Mike sighed, helping you sit on the couch.

“I can’t just go by myself.” You rolled your eyes and stuck your foot out to Michael. He held your foot in his hand as he placed your shoe on your foot.

“I know, I know..” he sighed and stood up. “The boys will be there, too.” He said and held his hand out to you, helping you up.

“Michael, you and I are the parents. The boys aren’t having this baby. We are.” You held his cheeks in your hands. “You need to come with me. The boys are only coming so they can learn how to take care of their niece.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s go.” Michael sighed and grabbed his keys, walking out to the car. He opened the passenger door and held your arms, helping you in. He got in and drove downtown to the YMCA. He helped you out of the car and lead you inside to meet up with the boys.

“There you guys are. Class starts in 3 minutes.” Ashton said, checking his watch.

“Michael was scared and took forever to grow some balls.” You said, pulling a baggie of snacks from your purse. You walked into the classroom and took a seat on the floor. Michael sat behind you and placed his hands on your bump. The boys sat behind Michael, looking on.

“When it’s time to practice swaddling the baby, can I go first? I’m fastest at it.” Luke pouted.

“No, Michael goes first. Then me. Then you.” You said eating a pickle spear.

“Michael takes 5 years to swaddle the baby. How am I ever supposed to get a turn?” Luke whined.

“Whine one more time and I will shove a pickle spear down your throat. You know the rules of this class.” You said and grabbed another pickle.

“No, please don’t make me eat a pickle.” Luke begged.

“If you’re sharing pickles, I’ll take one.” Michael said, opening his mouth. You reached behind you and let Michael take a bite of your pickle. “Thanks, babe.”

“That’s the last one you’ll get.” You said and closed the bag. The teacher went up to the front of the room and class started.

“Parents, please pick up the baby in front of you and practice bottle feeding.” The instructor said. You picked up the baby doll and put the bottle in its mouth.

“Why is the baby moaning?” Calum asked.

“Have you ever sucked on a titty, Calum? It’s moan worthy.” Ashton said.

“Both of you shut up. This baby is drinking from a bottle.” You glared at them and passed the baby to Michael so he could burp it.

“Your baby has just gone number 2. Change the diaper.” The instructor said and Michael nearly threw the baby doll back to you.

“Change the poopies.” Michael said.

“You change the poopies. You’re gonna be the one changing diapers when she gets here.” You said, handing the doll back. “These aren’t even real babies or poops.”

“They’re real enough.” Michael whines and began changing the diaper.

When you went into labor, Michael nearly tripped down the stairs trying to get to you. “Okay, I’m calling the boys.” Michael said, struggling to hold his phone in his hand.

“I’m gonna just lay here in the recliner until they get here.” You said, reclining the chair back and closing your eyes. Michael called Ashton as he ran around the house, gathering your go bag.

“How are you so calm right now?” Michael asked, his breathing speeding up.

“We knew it was coming, I’m also tired. In case you didn’t know, it’s only 3am.” You said, keeping your eyes closed.

“What’s taking Ashton so long?” Michael said, checking his phone.

“You hung up 2 minutes ago. Give him time.” You said, rubbing your hands over your bump.

“He should’ve been ready to go already. He knew I was going to call him when you went into labor.” Michael sighed.

“Hey, I’m fine. We still have, like, 7 hours before I’m fully dilated.”

“We should get to the hospital as soon as possible.” Michael said, looking out the window to watch for Ashton. He pulled you up carefully when he saw Ashton’s car pull into the driveway.

“We have to pay more if we stay longer.” You explained, not wanting to pay just to lay in a lumpy hospital bed.

“Ashton, tell her we need to go right now.” Michael said as Ashton walked into the house.

“We should go right now.” Ashton nodded.

“But, I don’t want to pay to be uncomfortable.” You sighed.

“Michael’s got more than enough money to cover your medical bills. Now, let’s get going.” Ashton said, bringing your bag to the car. Michael held your arm as you walked to the car, getting in. Ashton drove you to the hospital and Michael walked you in, getting you checked in to the labor and delivery department. And, there you were, paying to be uncomfortable in the hospital bed. When the doctor came in and told you to push, Michael was up on his feet before you were even in position.

“You’ve got this, angel. Bring our baby girl into the world.” Michael grinned, holding your hand. You knew you wouldn’t have made it through labor without Michael by your side. He was your rock and the only support you needed. She was born a healthy baby. Annika May Clifford, 21 inches long, and 6 pounds 4 ounces.

Nobody said being a parent would be easy, but Michael was a natural. Somehow, Annika knew to sleep when Michael was sleeping and be awake when Michael was awake. They had a special bond, for sure. If Michael wasn’t the first face she saw in the morning, she would be crabby all day. If Michael didn’t sing her to sleep, she was screaming half the night.

On her 2nd birthday, Michael received the news. Management had organized a 10 month world tour, which meant he’d have to leave his baby girl. He felt as though he had taken the 2 year break for granted. “Do you really have to go?” You whispered, watching your husband pack his bags.

“Angel, you know I do..” Michael sighed. “I promise, I’ll fly you and Annika out as soon as I can.”

“Why are they making you leave today? What about the party?”

“I don’t know.” Michael shook his head. “It wasn’t my idea, or any of the boys’.”

“I know..” You said, looking down at your feet. “I don’t know how to tell Annika her daddy is leaving.”

“Let me handle it. She’ll listen to me.” Michael sighed and walked to her bedroom. “Hey, baby girl.” Michael smiles softly and sat on the floor with her. She had a Barbie in one hand and a G.I. Joe in the other.

“Hi, daddy.” Annika giggled softly and climbed into Michael’s lap. “Play?”

“No, honey. Daddy can’t play now..” Michael sighed. “Daddy has to tell you something.”

“Secret?” Annika asked, looking up at him.

“Nope, not a secret. Daddy can’t come to your party.” Michael said, knowing the tears would be coming from his daughter by the time he finished speaking. And, he was right. Her wails filled the room and Michael’s heart broke. “I’m so sorry, honey. Daddy has to go with uncles for a long time.”

“No!” Annika screamed, gripping her daddy’s shirt. “You can’t!”

“I don’t want to, but I have to.” Michael said, wrapping his arms around the toddler. “But, I promise that you and mama will come visit me soon.” Annika pushed Michael’s arms off of her and ran out of the room. “Annika, baby..” Michael got up and followed her. She ran to your bedroom and wrapped her small arms around your legs, her tears soaking your leggings.

“Anni, it’s going to be okay.” You said, tears filling your own eyes as you picked up the sobbing toddler. “I don’t want him to go either.” You sniffed, willing yourself to hold back the tears. “We get to take daddy to the airport. You’ll get to see your uncles too.”

“Need daddy here..” Annika cried, burying her face in your neck.

The airport goodbye was the hardest goodbye you’ve had to endure in the 6 years you’d been with Michael. Annika cried the entire way to and from the airport. Her small cries breaking everyone’s hearts. Michael got on the plane and immediately broke down. Ashton held him the whole flight, but nothing could soothe him. Calum had sent you a video of Michael sobbing into Ashton’s shirt and almost bought a plane ticket for yourself and Annika.

On Michael’s birthday, he was in the worst mood of his life. He hadn't seen you or Annika in nearly 4 months. He wanted nothing more to be at home with his loving wife and beautiful daughter. Instead, he was in Paris playing a show to 10,000 fans. The boys, however, were over the moon. They knew something Michael didn’t: you and Annika were sitting front row at the show. Michael went onstage, the lights down. He played his guitar with little passion. He just wasn’t feeling it. As the opening notes of Babylon were played, the lights shone down on you and Annika, dancing your hearts out in the front row. Michael threw his guitar to the ground and jumped off the stage, climbing over the barricade and running to you and Annika. He wrapped you both in his arms and you laughed as you felt his warm tears on your shoulder. “Happy birthday, daddy.” You smiled and placed Annika in his arms.

“Happy birthday, daddy!” Annika squealed, wrapping her small arms around his neck and holding tight.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Michael said, hugging Annika tight. “Daddy loves you so much, baby girl.”

“Alright, get back onstage and play us a good show. We paid good money to see our favorite band.” You giggled, taking Annika back. “We’ll see you after the show.”

Michael played the best show of his life. When the lights went down at the end of the show, Michael ran backstage. “Does security know Y/N and Annika are here? They’re gonna be able to get back, right? I should go find them.” Michael said, almost ripping his earpieces out.

“Hey, calm down. Security knows they’re coming. They have their own escort.” Ashton explained. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack.”

“It’s worth it. My baby girl is here.” Michael said, the grin on his face never faltering. He waited impatiently as crew began packing up. Annika ran into the dressing room and straight into Michael’s arms.

“Daddy!” Annika squealed and wrapped her arms around Michael’s neck again.

“Hi, baby girl.” Michael grinned, hugging her tight. “Daddy missed you so much.” Michael grinned, peppering her face with kisses. She screamed out her giggles as she tried to cover her face.

“Let her breathe, Mike.” You giggled and sat on the couch next to Michael and Annika.

“I can’t. I haven’t seen her in months.” Michael sighed and hugged his daughter close to him. “I can’t believe you guys are here.”

“We couldn’t let you have a birthday without getting your birthday cuddles.” You smiles a pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“This is the best birthday ever.” Michael grinned, pressing his lips to yours gently.

“Once we get back to the hotel, Annika wants to give you your birthday gift.” You smiles and Annika gasped.

“Daddy! You birthday gift!” Annika squealed.

“I guess we better go now, huh?” Michael grinned and kissed Annika’s nose. The whole way back to the hotel, Annika was rambling to Michael about everything he had missed since he left. She almost spilled the secret about Michael’s gift, but your cough interrupted her. Michael carried her into the hotel room and set her down.

“Alright, go get daddy his gift.” You smiled and Annika ran to your suitcase. She pulled out the gift and handed it to Michael.

“Happy birthday, daddy!” She giggled and climbed up on the bed, her green eyes sparkling. Michael sat next to her and ripped the wrapping paper off the box. He slowly opened it and pulled out the picture frame. He looked at the picture in the frame and then at you.

“A-are you..?” Michael stuttered.

“Mama havin’ me a baby sissy!” Annika squealed.

“Oh, my God. We’re having another baby..” Michael’s eyes widened. “We’re having another baby!” Michael yelled, scooping you into his arms.

“I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet, I’m only 4 months along.” You smiled, hugging him tight.

“God, this is the best day of my life.” Michael said, tears filling his eyes. “My two favorite girls are here, and we’re having another baby.” He said with a sniffle.

After you and Annika had left and tour continued, Michael taped the ultrasound picture he had received for his birthday on the top of his bunk, right next to the picture of you and Annika.

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backtothestart02 · 7 years

Text

Runnin’ Home to You | 2/10

My submission for @westallenfun‘s Runnin’ Home to You challenge.

Part 2 of 10.

Synopsis: 3x21 - Canon Divergent - What if Team Flash decided to keep Barry from remembering until after May 23rd?

Note: The canon divergence in this chap is that the scene where Joe & Iris are discussing Barry’s situation while Barry runs in the speed lab has an AU extended ending where Wally interrupts them.

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for being a spectacular beta! <3

Chapter 2 - Can’t Change What the Future May Hold

“You don’t want his memory restored, do you?”

She should’ve known her dad would connect the dots. He always knew her so well, sometimes better than Barry. But it did make things difficult. It made it impossible to deny the secret she harbored inside, the one she’d been trying to ignore because of the implications it held.

“Dad, I…I can’t say seeing him happy and light isn’t something that I have wished for him, because yeah, it is.”

“Sweetheart, I wish that for him too. But you didn’t fall in love with the Flash. You fell in love with Barry Allen.”

A fact she was aware of, but not something she couldn’t tackle – or wasn’t willing to combat.

“Dad, I know this is a different version of him, but he’s…” She thought of his laugh, his instinct to help, his smile, the way he looked at her, the way he kissed her, the way her heart beat faster every time his body moved closer to hers. “He’s still Barry.”

“No, he’s not, honey.”

How is he not? Her eyes bored into him, wanting an answer she knew he wouldn’t give.

“Look, up until yesterday Barry had twenty-eight years of experiences to define him. And some of those memories were bad, but some were good too. But without those memories, the Barry Allen we know and love…is gone.”

She hated when he was right. It didn’t change how she felt though, or the pain that already arced through her imagining this happy-go-lucky version of Barry suddenly laden down with the weight of past tragedies and regret. It broke her heart. She was on the verge of tears even now.

Barry’s woo-hoo as he ran even faster could be heard from the tunnel above them.

“I don’t know, Dad.” She walked away from him, creating space. Her eyes watched the tube where Barry ran. “You know part of me can’t help but think that this is some sort of gift, you know? That this is the life that he was supposed to have.”

Her dad didn’t respond to that. She was grateful. She had no other arguments to offer up except the ones she’d already given him. She was scared to death of dying, but her shoulders slumped and tears nearly rose to the surface every time she saw her Barry sunken in on himself when he thought she wasn’t looking.

“I agree with Iris,” a familiar voice sounded, the presence of the person who accompanied it striding towards them.

“Wally,” Iris said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Did something happen?” Joe asked, his hand already on his gun.

“No, no, nothing like that,” he assured them, gesturing for his dad to relax, which gradually he did. “Caitlin…or Killer Frost…or whoever is working with Cisco and Julian to come up with a way to get his memories back. From what I could tell when I left, she’s behaving. She wants Barry’s memories back so Savitar will have his memories back, so he can…” He fell silent.

“Kill me,” Iris finished quietly.

Wally didn’t respond to that.

“Barry won’t let that happen,” Joe said confidently. “Once he gets his memories back, we’ll be back on track to finding a way to defeat Savitar. Everything will be fine.”

“But what if it isn’t?” Wally’s eyes held as much painful depth as Iris knew were in hers. “What if we do everything we can and Iris still dies?”

Iris looked away, aware of his gaze traveling to her downcast face.

He took a breath. “I know Barry is going to do everything in his power to keep you safe. We all are working together to make that a certainty. But Savitar has always been one step ahead. And after what we did to Barry’s memories, I don’t think we want to risk tampering with them again just to put Cisco’s proposal to the test.”

“No,” Iris said instantly. “We’re not messing with his brain again. Who knows what damage we’ll do if we tried a second time. It’s not like we have a scientist we can trust to help us out with it, at any rate.”

“Right. Which is why I think we need to hold off trying to get Barry’s memories back. At least until after you’re supposed to die.” Iris’s gaze lifted to Wally’s a beat before he looked back at Joe. “Savitar won’t exist. He won’t even try to kill Iris. After we’re sure he’s gone for good, we’ll get Barry’s memory back using whatever technology Cisco and Julian are figuring out with Caitlin right now.”

“What makes you think she’ll go along with this plan once she knows what we’re up to? Whatever she wants from Savitar, she won’t get it if he disintegrates before she gets it.”

“That’s why we won’t tell her. We’ll let her figure it out, tell us how it works, and then we won’t use it until after May 23rd. We can lock Caitlin in the pipeline or even let her leave. It won’t matter. She can’t get Savitar to remember anything if Barry doesn’t first.”

Iris turned to her dad, hopeful. With Wally on her side, and with such great logic to accompany him, how could he not seriously consider it?

Joe gazed at the two of them for a long while before answering.

“You do know that if Savitar never remembers, you’ll never get your powers back, right?”

Wally shrunk back a little but nodded. “I know.” His eyes fixed on Iris. “But this is more important.”

“Wally—” Iris’s voice broke, but he brushed her off.

“There are other ways to help people than with super speed. As dad told me many times before I got my powers.” He locked eyes with Joe, urging him to agree, ignoring the guilt clear on Iris’s face.

“And what about Central City needing the Flash? You can’t teach him everything he needs to know before the next metahuman criminal needs to be stopped.”

“I know. But I think you guys are forgetting something very important.”

Joe and Iris shared a look and then looked at him confused.

“Me, Barry, Jay… there’s one more speedster out there.” Wally didn’t wait for the look of dawning realization to quiet on his family’s faces. “And I know she’d be willing to help.” He paused. “Iris.” He took a step towards her. “The best way to lift the weight off Barry’s shoulders and save you from being murdered in a month is for me to get Jesse, have her protect the city and help me train Barry to be the Flash he’s always been. And once you’re safe, we’ll get Barry’s memories back.” He lifted his hand to her face and brushed his thumb against her cheek. “And then you can both plan the wedding of your dreams.”

Iris’s breath caught in her throat, but before she could respond –

“Let’s do it.”

Startled, all three Wests turned to see who had spoken. It was Barry, no longer running to his heart’s content in the speed tunnel above them.

“Barry.” Iris stepped away from Wally and closed some of the distance between her and her fiancé. “How much did you—”

“I heard enough,” he said fiercely. “You’re not going to be murdered, Iris.” He took her hands in his own. “I would rather go without my memories for the rest of my life than to see that happen to you. And I know that the me with my memories would say the exact same thing.”

Caught up in him, Iris kept half her mind focused on any interjection that might be voiced from her father, but there was none.

“You should know the situation, Barry.”

He shook his head. “No. I told you I don’t want my memories back until you’re safe.”

She smiled sadly and took his hands in her own.

“Telling you what happened isn’t going to make you remember it as a memory, Barry.” She gestured to the hall leading outside the speed lab. “C’mon.”

Reluctantly Barry let Iris lead him out of the room, worry and uncertainty spreading through him when Iris looked over her shoulder to share a look with her father and brother.

“I won’t change my mind about this, Iris,” he said adamantly as soon as they were out of sight. “If anything, knowing all the details about the situation will only make me more convinced not to get my memories back.”

Iris forced a smile. “I know. You’re probably right. But you should still know.”

Barry sighed and nodded, accepting the inevitable. “Alright. Who’s Savitar?”

*Also available on AO3 and FFnet.

#runnin'hometoyouchallenge #westallen #westallenedit #backtothestart02 fanfiction #westallenfun #runnin' home to you #chapter 2

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