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lifesteal-headcanons · 29 days

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I'm gonna put the glitch in glitch duo right now and rant about them and how their glitches work because I am so normal about them (lie)

Okay, so I barely got into Lifesteal like. Late last year because of Squiddo joining and I lowkey got really hyped for it and seeing Ash and Squiddo together I was like.. Woah.. New fav duo alert.. And then found that there was no fancontent and had to make it myself so.

Anywho! Ashswag, as we already know, has that lil.. Thing over his left eye (?) That a lot of us (me) has interpreted as like. Glitching. So to start us off, I believe that glitching can stem from messing with your own player code/others player code/server codes/using mods with like. Virus' or something idk im not that smart. And from the Ashswag videos I've watched we can kind of tell where Ash fits in there by like. Fucking with how servers work and therefore fucking up his own code.

Squiddo's code is glitched because.. Have you watched Squiddo's videos? Naw but fr, she's constantly putting the most cancer inducing mods on her game, playing mods that can definitely fry their pc, playing minecraft on a USB DRIVE?? Which would DELETE chunks to MAKE MORE OF ITSELF so like. You can see where I'm going with this. So obviously, their code gets fucked up and the more they do these mods and plug ins and - whatever the hell, the more their code because intangible and unable to be fixed.

So, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and explain how I think their glitching works and how it affects their body/like.. Everything else.

Ashswag's glitches, as we can see, are more visible to the eye. Literally over his damn eye. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that gives him some partial blindness in his left eye. Also, from some fics that ive read ive seen people give him like, back problems and chronic pain that he probably had before but the glitches DEFINITELY don't help at all and instead make the pain way worse than it already is so. Yay!

While Ash's are more physical, I feel like Squiddo's are more like. Mental? If you catch my drift? While Ash is stumbling down into a heap of pain on the floor because his back is killing him, Squiddo is standing in the hallway staring at him wondering why the guy from the one house smp is crumbling on the floor in front of them on a server they swore they were not on a few weeks ago.

So yeah. Memory loss Squiddo. Also inspired from a fic that I do know! I'll link the fics I got inspired from at the end because they are genuinely such good reads and great ideas.

But I decided that memory loss best fit Squiddo, because tbh they are pretty forgetful. And I take their goofy hijinks and shenanigans as just. Squiddo having to recollection of anything and just trying to do something (which she's probably done before) to job their memory but oh well. I feel as if the memory loss is more of a living in the farlands thing rather than glitched out fucked-up code inducing thing, but whatever. The only time we see glitched out Squiddo is on thumbnails! So I feel like whenever Squiddo joins a server or world that's previously glitched or like. They're already pretty glitched, it really takes its toll and fucks up the whole thing and makes it a memory loss disaster for Squiddo.

And because of Squiddo's horrible memory, they can never recollect and find out what the hell happened to the world to make it this glitched out when in reality she's the reason the world is so glitched.

Except when joining servers! Surprisingly, they don't experience those things when joining servers while when joining worlds the world would become discombobulated and delete itself just after a few hours. Funsies! Which they realize when they join the one house smp just to explore it and then they find ASHSWAG!! And then realizes that HE'S GLITCHED TOO!! YAYY!!! And then they absolutely BOMBARDDDD him with questioned like "why do my worlds always delete themselves?", "what causes someone to have a glitched code?" And "how are servers able to not glitch out?" Etc etc which Ashswag answers and then BOOM! FRIENDSHIP!!!

Basically the only reason servers are able to work for them is because theres like.. This other thing cody whatever that prevents it to idk im not smart. This is not compliant with my past fics written about this stuff but oh wellsies.

Another thing I have made up is 'glitch fever' where basically they just get sick because of their fucked up code and glitches. Yeah. Also based off a fic I read where being around Ashswag too much can make you sick and stuff. I feel like their are certain people who are immune to it like Reddoons (purely because of Swagdoons and nothing else) and Squiddo (because they also glitch tf out and Swagsquid/silly).

Another thing I've like. Headcanoned (because this is all just me reading too much into things and making too many headcanons about) is that their glitches also like.. Made their body tempature irregular. This is so random but it was just something I thought of and then I wrote a fic about it. Like, Ash is constantly fucking cold and on a hot ass texas summer day he'll feel a little warm. Same for Squiddo just vice versa. I love them. The sillies. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them.

That's.. All I have I'm pretty sure. Hello I am Swagsquid the #1 Glitch Duo Writer/Enthusiast and the #1 Swagsquid Shipper (the ONLY Swagsquid shipper..) and thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Fics I took inspiration from:

"Dear Diary: Today, I killed someone" by Fey_wilde on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/52170592)

"I Feel Too Weak to Stand" by Eternal_Era on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48067240)

"fault lines" by garlic_sauc3 on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41924196)

Fics I've written based on this idea:

"Glitch fever" by (ME!!) Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53400835)

"The warmth of another's embrace" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53449573/chapters/135284551)

"Forgotten hot chocolate" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54350146)

(Please read the tags and ratings before reading some of the fics!)

#ask #headcanon #lifesteal smp #ashswag #squiddo #long post

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geneticcatalyst · 9 months

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as promised, an exploration of my one pet problem in fandom, or: misinterpretation of jby's first death (ft. zzs)

heres the thing. i occasionally see people reference what seems to be a misconception of the (english translation) text in qi ye. both the fact that its a translation and the metaphorical phrasing make it pretty clear to see why they got the wrong idea, but i firmly believe its still the wrong idea. i am by no means calling the people who got this mixed up dumb or bad, i am simply leaning over their shoulders going 'wait no bestie pls read that again pls read that one more time!!' because this is one of my favorite books and this thing is a key piece of one of my favorite things about it.

i said i was gonna pull screenshots for this post but i think it will be a little while before i get to another reread and i can't ctrl+f the google doc so im just gonna whip this out from memory. if anyone does have this particular passage on hand feel free to pop it in here. the rest of the context/explanations are just from my cursory research, im not chinese or a historian.

cards on the table. the only thing i love more than unhinged gay romances is unhinged platonic soul mates. its catnip to me. i go feral every goddamn time. and i havent stopped losing my mind about zhou zishu and jing beiyuan since that first qi ye scene. what do those guys have going on? not even sure they know but it's A Lot. ive got like 18 other unpublished drafts trying to work that out slash losing my fucking mind at the lengths they go to about each other. that relationship is at the center of both novels even if the spotlight isnt on it. so I admit that my readings are colored a bit by how much i like that they like each other!

which is why im shocked baffled and, ok, lightly salted, to see a few people make the claim that zishu (personally) tortured/killed beiyuan in his first life.

so what the text says is that after helian yi stopped trusting beiyuan (after su qingluan's accidental death), he was basically put to death. but even the emperor has to have a half decent reason to execute someone. the text describes these reasons- ten of them- as zhou zishu's masterpieces. it also refers to them as great shames to beiyuan's standing. what's happening is that helian yi has zishu frame beiyuan for treason or other betrayals against the emperor/the country. it isn't specific as to what, but it doesn't really matter, because its all fake and zishu is really good at his job. so yes, it is fair to say that zishu is the INSTRUMENT of beiyuan's death, but he didn't kill him, he just laid the groundwork.

the text goes on to another slightly confusing line where it says something to the effect of that when each of these accusations were read out in court, each line drew blood from jing beiyuan. that's a metaphor! it's just saying that his reputation was torn apart and ultimately his fate is sealed, despite the phrasing there are no literal injuries happening.

also, i may not have the timeline perfect on this part, but in zishu's introduction in the beginning of the novel, the narration tells us outright that while zishu is partially responsible for beiyuan's death, he was like. cool about it. in what seems to be the first and only time he ever steps out of line or goes against helian yi's command (!), after setting all this up but- if im remembering right- before the news actually breaks in court the next day, zishu warns beiyuan. now this admittedly doesnt do a whole lot because the only other possible option (cut and run) isn't a very good one, but it's the only thing zishu can do. he doesnt have to, but he does it anyway (!). of course beiyuan doesnt even consider doing this, he's stubborn and heartbroken, but he really seems to 1. appreciate the risk zishu took here to try to give him a chance and 2. not hold the whole set up against zishu or take that bit personally.

so what actually happened at the end of beiyuan's first life? he was sent the 3 zhang of white silk. the text does explicitly say this once, but if you're not familiar with the practice it may not click. receiving the white silk from the emperor is what happens when you're too high ranking to execute like a commoner but you've fallen from grace and are being politely asked to hang yourself in order to clear your name. and of course beiyuan, stubborn and heartbroken, does. yes, it's a forced suicide, but it isn't a murder.

anyway, its in that secret conversation, where zishu secretly meets with beiyuan seemingly to try to convince him to save himself and beiyuan outright refuses, that beiyuan promises that if theres a next life (ha), they'll get drunk together. and of course against all odds, there is and they do.

the thing about the idea that some people might think that zishu killed beiyuan is that after that nothing between them makes sense. even if it was at helian yi's request, i just cant see that not permanently damaging the friendship, i don't think beiyuan could immediately pick back up being best friends in the seventh life with that memory in the way. why would zishu go out of his way to warn beiyuan one day if he was perfectly capable and fine with killing him the next? why would beiyuan not only be happy to meet zishu again in the seventh life but also go out of his way trying to save zishu's? none of their other interactions really make sense if you believe there was a murder done there. idk. it clouds the whole throughline of the story which is that they have a bond!

i think maybe people think it is in character due to the other ruthless murders, and they're not wholly wrong, but that's the kicker for me. zishu will murder all kinds of innocents no questions asked, but he's suddenly trying to give an out to his coworker and drinking buddy? hello? thats insane, and that's the point.

furthermore, if you think maybe it would make sense for helian yi to have beiyuan violently killed (since it keeps fucking happening later), i actually have to become helian yi's lawyer for a moment here and say that that doesnt make sense either. helian yi is sitting on a throne gained by shadowy means but he's the Good Guy Ruler and that reputation is important. hes not a cruel person and he may have become paranoid but he still has a shared history with beiyuan. plus, even the emperor has to abide by a certain amount of decorum when he wants to have people killed, especially when that person is also a high ranking member of court. beiyuan's status is basically second only to the royal bloodline, he's essentially the prev emperor's godson, as well as a previously close confidante of helian yi himself. the white silk was regarded as a privileged, dignified means of offing someone. helian yi is perfectly within social acceptability to do this to beiyuan with the pretext of beiyuan's disgrace. but it would be pushing the boundaries for the good and just emperor to suddenly have one of his top advisors and members of high nobility brutally killed like a common criminal. he could probably do it, but it would reflect on him and his reputation too. he could do it in secret, but would have to cover up the disappearance of a prominent court figure. it just makes sense to use the white silk as the neatest, most acceptable legal justice channel here. maintain emotional detachment, be polite, everybody's honor gets honored and such.

so that's the ted talk. theres even some beautiful fanart on here of white-haired first life beiyuan holding the white silk! he wasn't tortured or outright executed, and he chose to obey rather than escape or fight the false claims of treason even though his friend tried to give him the only out he could manage. to interpret things differently really skews the character motivations and plot for everyone- beiyuan, zishu, helian yi- in a way that warps the story out of believability, imho.

#gently and lovingly nailing my opinions to the fandom's front door <3 #minor qi ye spoilers obv #i think i spent upwards of 3 hours on this draft so believe me this is 10 percent salt and 90 percent love #i wouldnt call this a common misconception either but every time i do see it i have to go walk around the room #i love to think about first life and i love to think about murderbros so. inbox open #qi ye #and thank u to my enablers u know who you are!!#qy meta

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coconutredbulllover · 1 day

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Guys i dont even know what i need to be gatekeeping anymore i js scribbled out some stuff that wasnt even that deep just in case…

anyways to 🫠 anon (still high rn and im locking in to respond to u bae 🤣):

LITERALLYLGTT like you just had to be there 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

ive been loosely following paige and azzis basketball stuff since idk like 2020 and then got more into pazzi stuff during like 2022 and my old blog started in like early ish 2023 and i always felt weird speculating abt real people so i would sometimes tag my posts and sometimes not but i still had a bunch of people there talking w me like a little community and everyone knew like if you were gonna be [self admittedly creepy] (be fr now yall its creepy be self aware!) and analyze stuff they post you might as well be doing on tumblr instead of other actually popular sites and everyone knew like jokes are jokes and dont take anything serious but now its like you say one thing and a new fan could just trust it because they dont know any better but ofc you cant explain every little detail to new comers

so yeah the trajectory of tumvlr has been crazy weird for me too i also used to be a lurker before i started my old blog and it was even less than just a few months ago. js a few months afo if you scrolled thru the pazzi tag you would literallt reach the end pretty fast, easy no problem. on my old blog (rip) whenever i wouldnt use the main tags when posting things (again bc i feel uncomfortable openly weird speculating) i used to instead use like alternate tags that were related but not like the players names and then some mutuals did the same thing and we kinda created our own ‘main tags’ (by main tags i mean like yk ‘uconn wbb’ and ‘paige bueckers’ ‘azzi fudd’).

incase this response is hard to follow im kinda tryna respond to ur paragraph chunks in my own paragrpah chunks (if that makes sense ?) like ur third paragraph is beinf repsonded to in this oargraph now. yeah i honeslty thoguht it was rlly wholesome when people wiped the clip off of like everywhere it rlly was js a iykyk thing and i also started seeing people sharing it and using it in edits. like for example i wrote in one of my earlier posts abt having a tiktok where i would psot like small clips (not edits i cant edit for shit) i thoguht were cute or wtvr but then suddenly the acc blew up w new fans in like late 2023 and it was managable then comments started being upright rude or sharing the clip and i was like damn. the final pushinf point before i deleted the acc was i posted a clip and it peaked 5.5 million views like WHATATAATASA????? and i was like conflicted if i should delete the vid bc it was the same content i always posted but it was slightly out of context and ppl ran with it calling a paige a dyke among other things in the comments (plus the ‘the live’ sharers foudn that post too) AND someone dropped mine and a few others tumblrs in the comments so i js ended up deleted everything of the acc including the vid after 7 days of it being up bc tiktok didnt deserve any of it 😭 and i couldnt keep monitoring comments plus i didnt want the out of context clip spreading.

okay next pargraoh!! I KNOW ITS HELLA WEIRD… like why do u suddenly recognize the person im talking abt? i would occasionally mention it to friends or ppl i know like ‘yeah wbb is rlly poppibg off rn cailin clark paige bukers kmaila cardoso etc are really bringing good attention to the game’ so it was like a casual interest they didnt know i was like actuallt into basketball or anything like that but like it was know like “eri watches basketball and ive heard this persons name come outta her mouth before” kinda like u were saying abt your friend saying they never heard the name come out of any elses name but yours. and then it actually blew up and people were genuinely recognizing the names i was talking about like ‘oh i saw that girl you mentioned before on the news’ like whatchu mean u saw them on the news. it all happened so fast 🤣. no offense to your friends idk if theyre like this it just made me think of straight paige fans so i wanna say a little thing abt it even tho its not related to what u said abt ur friends, peoples reactions to straight fans have a weird line drawn like i think that straight fans are perfectly fine saying paige is hot. heres my explanation: i think sexuality is a spectrum you can be completely striaght and find her hot and thats literally normal like you arent attracted to women like THAT but you can appreciate someone good looking and like their energy and be straight like the kinsey or wtvr scale those typa girls are probs like a 2. i always see like the “im gonna hold your hand when i tell you this” comments and i think theyre funny but not everyone is always a straight girl who genuinely might like women, people can be striaght and find masculine traits or jsut the nergy of someone attractive! insane idea ik.

final bit of the yap sesh! no yeah i totally get u i feel like i always gotta be like ‘proving’ that i know so much and that ive been here a long time as weell but its hard while beibg forced to be a gatekeeper. i honestly have the worst memory so i have no clue if the other time you sent a similar ask couldve been me cause its not the first time ive seen asks like this but it it was we rlly did come full circle and thats be pretry cool LMFAO. lastly never appologize for yapping especially when im literallt the D1 yapper 🤣🙂‍↕️.

if yall made it here sprry for typos also i didnt reread anything i wrote so if something is so grammatically wrong it makes no sense send an ask and ill go edit it 😭

final thoguhts to 🫠 anon and a little bit to readers i hope u send more asks bc this was highkey the most entertaining one ive gotten out of all my asks, in a while, like i get them everyday but its js alot of people asking for context on stuff i post or cautious people letting me know i shoudl delte when ive accidentally shared too much that wouldnt sit well with the newbies 😭 so if u wanna have a convo w someone who knows their shit js run wild in the ask ill censor it or use the emoji i rlly miss talking to people who arent part of the new wave (no offense to yall). like on my old blog i had mutuals with same thoughts as mine and then i used to js silent lurk the other blogs accs to keep my blog a little more seperate from the main tags, but i recebtly started interacting with the people whove been the main ppl posting in the main tags on their blogs (like the person whos name i blurred in your ask who was popular and had a now removed content masterlist like i have access to more complete masterlists but yes i do know of that one it was a pretty popular one bc it was easily accessible and they were postinf lives on yt for people sadly now gone into full cordial mode, their rants were pretty entertaining 😭) and some others who are still tryna keep their blogs going (staying more cordial and stuff js like me) but its like a little weird interacting w them even tho we all pre blowup fans bc theyre like a literal established family (LMFAO. please if yall knwo what im talkign abt LMFAOO) so yeah im like a floater blog rn can yall start sending me normal asks so we can try to be a community like old times 🩵 (pls)

okay time to go smoke some more any smokers out there send me asks 😝

#uconn wbb #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #anon ask #eriyap #🫠 anon

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roselink2123 · 13 days

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sorry im not very active if anyone cares, i feel so horrible right now it's almost funny, so pathetic it's funny.

here's my vent if you care to read 🤍

so theres this girl on my softball team and i have her in band too and she's nice, i guess, she does dance and she's not skinny by any means, no thigh gap, her stomach can be kinda big but no overhanging fat, and her arms are big-ish but it's probably mostly muscle, and she's had to miss a lot of games and practices because she had driver's ed and when she wasn't at practices i would get compliments and people would cheer me on when i did something good but now she's done with drivers ed and no one ever says anything, i hit pretty decently, almost caught a really good ball and all i got was yelled at because i didn't run to the ball on time. the girls used to call me pretty or at least a few but now everyone is just like "oh (her name) is so pretty" "oh (her name) is so effortlessly beautiful". and ik its probably just my wild insecurities but it really sucks, no one calls me pretty when they used to when she wasn't there. no one even really cares that ive been sad at practices, they just shove past me. it's like having an older sibling that everyone loves more than you whose better than everything (and she's not even that much better than me because this is her first year too and she's missed so many practices). she's like the new shiny thing and im just left in the dust overshadowed by this 'better' person.

here's the other kicker of my day.

there's this other girl who i have issues with (not related to softball and it's a long story) but my best friend doesn't have a problem with her anymore even though she used to because she was on my side when we had our fight and the girl I have issues with was crying because no one at her lunch table likes her so she wanted to sit at ours (me and my best friend's and a few other friends of mine) and they said no because not everyone at our table even fucking likes her, like im not the only one who dislikes her. and then by the end of lunch she was sitting with us and it was just like the whole thing at softball that i mentioned previously and i just felt like everyone wanted to talk to her and care about her even though i was visibly upset and distraught, even after i just walked off (to go to the bathroom but it was sort of abrupt) no one cared or batted an eye and when i did get asked if i was okay by one of the girls at the table (while i was going to my locker, even though shes the one who told the girl I have issues with to come to our table.) i just said "why would you care." because it's not like she was really trying to make me feel better and im sure she didn't care that much otherwise she would have asked earlier like meeting me in the bathroom and asking if she didn't want to do it at the table.

sorry for the rant guys ik no one's gonna read it anyway i just had to get that out of my system, i think im gonna cvt myself now

#tw ana rant #ed rant #4nerex1a #4nor3xia #4norexla

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cryptidclaw · 1 year

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Introducing my Wolvden Pack!

I thought I would make a post introducing my pack in Wolvden so far (mostly so I can show off all me wolves ehehe)

For those who want to know who I am on Wolvden: My pack is "Cryptids Eye Pack" and my player name is ClownCryptids ! my user number is #119087

I currently have like 20 wolves in my pack (despite the fact ive only been playing for a few days) so this post is gonna be loooonnggg

Some basic info on how I've been playing so far:

I've decided to go with a "Pagan" (mostly Gaelic) name theme for my wolves, bec I feel like those kind of names fit wolves really well! (I've just been using a Pagan baby name site to name them heh)

I don't really care about how "rare" a wolf's genetics are, I just like the ones that are pretty (though if they have special genetics too that's a bonus!)

I really like cool eyes and I want to collect lots of them! Hence the "Eye" in my pack name!

I have been impulsively buying wolves left and right and the majority of my pack have been bought from the marketplace hehe

My pack's name used to be ClownCryptidsPack but thanks to @oakdrawss gifting me some GC I was able to afford changing it! Ur so epic Oak <3

Now onto my Wolves!!

This is my Pack Leader, Eun (was origionally named Magpie but i changed it to fit the theme, Eun means bird in Gaelic!), I would love to give him a base change but I defo cannot afford :P he would look cool with a Airglow base or somethin..

Onto my first Den: Dogs with Jobs

Darragh, Geir, Lachlan, Imogen and Eirene are my hunting party! Eirene is my second wolf from the tutorial and everyone else I found for cheep on marketplace! They have high levels and stats and are already proficient in their hunting roles so I snatched em up!

for some reason Darragh, despite being at a high level and max Finisher proficiency is terrible at her job. I have no clue why. She has lost so much prey, I let Imogen be a finisher a few times and she actually caught prey! If anyone has any answers as to why Darragh is trash at her job plz tell me, I think she's having a crisis.

(Also ps. Imogen is one of my top faves in the Pack she's so prettyyyy)

Muir and Vireo are my Scouts! Muir has always been a Scout but Vireo used to be a Pupsitter, I was going to sell or chase him bec I bought a better Pupsitter but I needed a new Scout after I had to make my other one a Herbalist! So Viero gets to stay... for now...

Both of these guys are NBWs so I will probably eventually get rid of them

Finally we have Orrin who is my current Stud and Herbalist!

I dont think hes actually super special genetically seeing as I bought him at a very affordable price, but he is so PRETTY look at himmm <3

Imogen is currently pregnant with his pups!

I have him open to Studding I have no clue if anyone will actually want to breed their wolves to him but I will take the chance for some more money ...

Oh! also there's Eirene's puppies but they aren't important I'm going to sell them as fodder they have like 0 markings.

Speaking of puppies, onto the Puppy Horde + Eskel

I have so many puppies and I bought them all (accept Larimar I got them as a gift <3)... I have a problem.

Before the puppies, we have Eskel, hes one of my faves, he's so pretty. Hes also a maxed out Pupsitter, which is good bec I have so many puppies. I bought him, he was affordable, that's all I remember, I almost bought his sister too but I used restraint.

Now Puppies!

Larimar was a gift from Oakdrawwss bec Oak is awesome!!! I wanted him for the cool eyes ofc!

These are the near identical twins Seila and Sloan, I bought them together in the same trade, I mostly just wanted Sloan (the eyes plus pelt looks so cool together) so I may sell Seila at some point... tho she does have a better base (Pewter) than her sister.

Wraith and Daemon were the first wolves I bought, I bought them for the eyes... Wraith's pelt is also very pretty despite it being simple. Im hoping to breed some 3 eyed puppies from Daemon that actually have markings too!

Annnd onto the 4 pups I bought in the middle of last night for 1 SC each bec the seller was doing a give away I think??

The sisters Eirlys and Aoife who look very similar but have a few different colors!

here's what they will look like as adults!

I may sell Eirlys eventually bec I like Aoife's look more ... Maybe i will chase her so someone else will get the chance at having her!

The other two pups are Sigred and Quillan

They are more natural colored and I think they look really pretty as adults!

annnd I think thats all of them... until I buy more HEHEHEHE

I will probably just post updates and stuff, especially if something cool happens!

#cryptid plays #Cryptids Eye Pack #cryptid plays wolvden #not warrior cats #cryptid rambles #wolvden

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flyingspicerack · 10 months

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hey guys, this is very hard for me to talk about and bring up, but ive talked to a few people about it in priv already, and I think im ready to publicly talk about it...

When i joined the ososan fandom back in March, it was a bit... dead? And i was trying to grasp at straws, trying to find people to connect to, trying to make some friends, and came upon one person who I seemed to mesh with really well. She posted a lot about a big server she had full of people to talk about her content with and I was at first wary to join (i dont like big servers) but did so anyway. However, as I was wary, the two of us stayed in DMs for quite a while, in addition to me being in the big server as well. This person was equally reciprocating conversation with me, with equal excitement, with equal interest to the subject matter. I believe everything is going fine, them and I, i think, are becoming closer friends, she invited me to a smaller group run by someone else, things are good for a couple weeks. Im showing up and watching art streams, sure, im a little awkward, its a new group of people and I have adhd and am very neurodivergent (to which she claims she is as well) so i'm a bit... weird or whatever, but who isnt??

Then, I'm pulled aside, im pulled into a smaller group chat with this person and two 'mediators' to which this person proceeds to tear into me, telling me that i make her uncomfortable, that im being codependent with her (bitch the 'co' in 'codependency' implies ur reciprocating but claimed i was the only problem), i put her up on a pedestal, says our age gap is weird, etc. (I have screenshots of the whole 'confrontation' if ppl want to see it) and i was terrified... She never indicated prior to this that I was making her uncomfortable... I thought i was doing everything correctly, i thought i was being a friend, i thought we were equally excited to hang out with one another?

So, from this, because of this, this bitch fucking traumatized me. She had me believing, and still trying to unlearn, that i am annoying, that i am a nuisance, that im a bother to everyone that i come around, she destroyed my self esteem and destroyed how i try to make friendships because i am SO SCARED all the time now... that one of you is going to turn around and tell me that I put you on some kind of pedestal, that im being annoying and bothering you all too much, its why i disappeared the other day because i got scared i was posting too much, that i got scared that i was ... doing something wrong...

So... ok now that im in it, writing this, excuse my lack of composure for the rest of this post, i tried to hold it but now im getting angry

SO FUCKING MEANWHILE THIS BITCH, talking about codependency and age gaps in friendships, her two 'lackeys' apparently were her ONLY friends during like 4 years of her life (codependent hippocracy) AND she was into ososan from the beginning when she was like fucking 14, and one of her lakeys is OLDER than me at 29 AND WAS FRIENDS WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS 22 AND THIS BITCH WAS 14 SO you're gonna sit here and tell me that OUR age gap is weird when THAT SHIT is going on????????????????????? And fucking- PUTTING you on a fucking PEDESTAL?? when YOU are the one who is the OVERLORD of this fucking server you have with like 50+ peons, AND you have this nasty ass notification in the server to alert EVERYONE when someone leaves to which is kinda creepy and controlling??

Anyway i responded scared out of my mind and backed off... she didnt want to cut me out, just limit conversation and take me out of the smaller knit circle and we could still be friends, but obviously this freaked me out and i didnt talk to her much after that.... ANYWAY so this person THEN has the audacity to reach out to me a month or so later and is like 'hey... we haven't talked much and i think something might have happened between us? are we ok? you're really distant" and then i fucking laid into her cause i had the month to think on it...

If any of this behavior sounds familiar to you, its bc the person 'in charge' is known as Ava, or pinklemonfruit here on tumblr, and one of her lackeys? Lovenu, who im pretty sure a lot of you already know of... theres another one, her name is emmy, her username here i believe is lichenqueen and was the other 'mediator' i have been told by one source that they potentially could be lying about their age, but take this with a grain of salt bc i have no proof of this

I unfortunately dove right into this when i came into the fandom bc i didn't know any better, i didn't know that these people were bad and caused problems back in the day... but now im aware and i need everyone else who may interact with them to know that they are not good people and have hurt me personally. They have caused me trauma that I am trying really hard to get over but i fear its going to take a long time...

This is MY personal story and account of interactions with these people and I will continue to believe what I know from personal experience. If you come to me, trying to defend any of these people or try to make light of this situation, you will no longer be allowed to associate with me. This fucked me up, and I will not compromise on this, you will no longer feel safe to be around if you condone how these people treated me. If you do not believe my words, then fine, but i will no longer desire company from people who will condone this type of treatment that I had to endure and have been suffering through the aftereffects of.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my story and im sorry if it ended up too personal at all. But, I really hope those that read this will... understand my timid behavior? Why im ALWAYS saying sorry? Why im always so scared in group setting like aggies, why im always so apprehensive and timid and keep thinking people are lying to me about really liking having me around? Its because of this, this is truly and horribly messed up to do to someone... making them feel so low and horrible about their existence ...

if you have any questions, i am willing to answer them...

#spice.txt #drama #uhhhh i dont exactly want to tag this in main tags or antyhing...#thank you for reading and taking this into consideration ....#tw trauma #trauma dump #???? do i tag that?????#bullying?????? I DUNNO?>????

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spoopydooblr · 10 months

Text

My King Will Be Kind Chapter 7 / Kendall Roy x OC

an: YALL ITS BEEN A MIN! my bad!!! ive just been doing my thang and honestly fell out of love with this story for a sec. i had to rewatch some episodes of s4 to get myself back into it and here we are! this chapter is a bit of a filler, as next chapter is going to be Living Plus which should be a shitshow lmao. PLEASE enjoy and lmk what u think! i love getting your messages it literally makes my day!

tw: mentions of death, cursing

Even when the first season of Delirium came out and was trending on every platform, Stella was still flying mostly under the radar. Sure, she had her fans, but the hype around her was nothing like it was now.

Stella had given up on Twitter, as the reactions to her and Kendall were not so great. People either had no fucking idea who she was or were completely disappointed in her choice in men.

im not gonna lie idk who tf stella allen is

Stella...girl...kendall roy...?

E! News even did a segment on her a few nights ago.

"Who is Kendall Roy's new girlfriend?" The peppy anchor said. "Well I've got you covered, folks!"

Some of Stella's scenes from Delirium flashed across the screen. They even had a blurry pap picture from the wedding to complete the package.

After the segment, her mother called her, almost in tears.

"Stelly, baby, what have you gotten yourself into?" She asked.

"Everything's fine, Mom, please don't worry."

"I don't want you involved with that family. Your dad hated ATN, remember? And that guy...how old is he?"

She cringed. "I know, I know."

"I thought you liked that boy from the movie?" Her mother mentioned.

"You mean Damien?" Damien was a costar who she went on two dates with over a year ago. she knew her mom wanted the best for her, but that had been over.

"He was such a nice boy. Why don't you call him?"

"He broke up with me, remember?"

"Oh." She thought for a moment. "What about--"

"I like Kendall, Mom."

"Really, babes?"

"Yeah..." Stella paused. "I mean, he's actually a really good guy."

"I'm sure he is, but doesn't he have kids? Doesn't he have an addiction problem? Are you really ready to deal with all that?"

"He's clean now, he told me."

"Isn't that what every addict says?"

"He barely has time to use, Mom, he's so busy."

"How does he make time for you, then?"

Stella thought for a moment. To be honest, she didn't know how to answer her mother's question. Things were hectic, to say the least, for the Roy's right now.

As she sat in her apartment, scrolling through Twitter and defending herself against her mother, Kendall was at his father's wake. He had invited her to go with him, but warned that all of his family and company would be there.

"It's gonna be a fucking fuckfest." He had told her.

Though meeting Shiv was definitely on her radar, Stella couldn't bring herself to go. It wasn't even really a wake, it was more like a business meeting in a dead man's penthouse. There wasn't a place for her there, and she didn't want one. Kendall didn't seem disappointed, as there were other things on his mind. Neither of them wanted to be questioned by his family when there were important decisions to be made.

"It's going to be tough, Mom, but I like him. It'll be okay."

----------------------------------

It was later that night when Kendall appeared on Stella' doorstep again. They had been texting every day, but with Logan dying, Kendall and his siblings were busy. It almost felt like things were back to normal, if it weren't for the thousands of tweets about their relationship. She thought that Logan's death would have surpassed them in the news, but it only intensified the spotlight on her and Kendall.

Again, it was late at night when Kendall called her, saying he was at the front door. This time Stella was more prepared, as she was still up doing work. Still, she was eating cold pizza out of the box and wearing a big t-shirt and shorts when he called.

"You need to stop doing this." She teased, opening the door for him.

He was quiet as he stepped into the threshold of her tiny apartment. For once, he had nothing to say to her as he entered.

"What's up? How was the wake?" She ran her hands down his arms, genuinely concerned about his mood.

"It's--" He started. "It's me."

"What do you mean, baby?"

"It's me. I'm...I'm CEO. Me and Rome, we're gonna do it but it's me, mostly."

Stella's jaw dropped. Sure, she was used to having Kendall as COO of WayStar, but CEO? This was on a whole different level.

"You're what?"

"I'm the fucking CEO." He said, looking at her, his hazel eyes brimming with tears.

"You're the fucking CEO."

"Yeah."

Stella threw her arms around him. Though it was a bit of a shock, she knew that CEO was Kendall's dream. He worked his entire life to be in this position and he was finally getting to it. He returned the hug, picking her up.

"H-how did this even happen?"

"Dad wrote it down. Before he died. The board still has to decide, and the GoJo deal is still there, but for now, yeah, I'm it."

"Oh my God. That's insane."

"I know. Fuck."

"What have you done to celebrate?" She asked.

"Well, I just got out of the wake." He sat down on her couch. "I came right here."

Stella's heart soared. It made her incredibly happy that Kendall wanted to share this news with her first. She sat down next to him, trying to ignore the pizza crusts on the table next to them.

"Well what do you want to do?" She genuinely meant it, not in a sexual way.

"Honestly, I just really need to sleep. I, uh, have to be in the office tomorrow at eight."

"Oh, shit, okay."

"It's okay. I wanted to see you before the shit show starts tomorrow."

"Well, you're welcome to stay as long as you want, but I don't want to keep you."

"No, no." He pulled her into him. "You're stuck with me."

"In that case..." She kissed him softly. "Do you wanna smoke some weed?" Stella nodded towards the pipe on her endtable. There was a half-smoked bowl inside already.

Kendall smiled, "I think you read my mind, pretty girl."

She laughed, trying to reach the pipe while still in his grasp. Her hands reached the bowl and Kendall magically produced a lighter.

They sat across from each other on the couch, Stella handing the pipe to Kendall.

"You first, Mr. CEO." She giggled when a giant smile spread across his face.

He thanked her, taking the bowl and lighting it.

"Wait," Kendall said. "Won't this set off the alarm?"

"Oh, they're broken, don't worry." Stella laughed.

He nodded, lighting the pipe and inhaling.

---------------------------------------

After twenty minutes and a few too many puffs later, Stella was curled into Kendall's arms on her tiny couch.

"The wedding was nice, you know." She whispered into the cold morning air.

"I'm sure it was. Con planned the whole thing."

"It was beautiful. Even the loony cake."

Kendall chuckled. "I'm glad you stayed. It says a lot about you."

"I love family. And I love weddings."

"You want a big wedding, Stella girl?" He said, weed clouding their minds.

"Yeah." She said, eyes glazed over. "I want a huge ring too. You think you can do that, Ken?"

"Definitely." He smiled, secretly promising to himself that he would actually, one day, make that happen.

"Not a boat though. Kinda tacky."

"Anything you want, Stell."

"Think you can get both of our families to get along?"

"That, I'm not so sure about."

She was quiet for a second. As much as talking about weddings was fun, it just reminded her of her father. Who would walk her down the aisle? Who would she dance with at her first dance?

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, I--" She started, "I miss my Dad."

"Me too." Kendall said.

She immediately felt bad for even thinking about her own grief. Kendall's wound was still fresh while Stella had grieved over a year ago.

"What happened to him?"

"He, um, went to sleep one night and didn't wake up." Hot tears pricked at her eyes. "My mom woke up next to his body. It was like, the worst thing ever."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about it right now. You're like, grieving your own loss."

"My Dad was a piece of shit." Kendall laughed. "But he was still my Dad."

"I know baby." She looked up at him, both holding back tears. "I know."

He kissed her softly. All she could see in the dark room was his face.

"I think I love you." Kendall said, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

"What?" Stella sat up. She was not expecting to hear those words.

"Sorry, uh--" Kendall stuttered, and for once, he didn't really know what to say.

"You love me?"

"Yeah. I fucking do." They sat across from each other on the couch again, Stella frowning to herself.

She had no fucking idea what to say, but she knew one thing. "I love you too, Ken." Stella mirrored the goofy smile plastered on his face.

"I fucking love you, Stella girl." He kissed her face all over, pushing her down on the couch. "Let me make you mine."

She hummed as his lips traveled down her neck. "I'm yours, Kendall." Stella giggled as his cold hands reached under her shirt.

"As much as I'd like to fuck you, I really have to get some rest." He whispered, putting his head on her collarbone.

Stella nodded, knowing tomorrow was just first day as CEO and staying up late wasn't exactly the best idea. "Do you wanna stay?"

Kendall's face lit up. He nodded eagerly.

-------------------------------------

Stella was awoken the next morning by her dog growling and barking from the kitchen. He probably wanted to be taken out. She rubbed her eyes, realizing that there was barely any light coming from the curtains. It had to be four in the morning. She rolled over, expecting to find Kendall, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Ken?"

"In here!" His voice boomed from the kitchen.

Stella reluctantly got out of bed, walking to the kitchen and seeing possibly the funniest thing she had ever seen.

Kendall was sitting criss-cross on the counter, hiding away from her dog. Stella couldn't help but laugh. Her dog was less than 15 pounds and was all bark and no bite. Of course, Kendall didn't know that and probably had never been around dogs in his life.

"Ken, oh my God." She giggled, taking a picture of his scared state on top of the counter.

"He was barking at me!"

"He's a chihuahua, Kendall." Stella said as she scooped up the little dog.

"Last time I checked, chihuahuas were mean."

"Okay, true. But Kurt is a sweetie, right baby?" She kissed the dog on the forehead. "Don't be mean to mommy's friend."

"Friend?" Kendall pretended to be hurt.

"Sorry. Don't be mean to mommy's boyfriend."

Kendall got down from the counter where Stella noticed he had been trying to make coffee with her old ass coffee maker.

"Oh, God, you didn't try to make coffee, did you?"

Kendall looked at her sheepishly. "When did you get this fucking thing? 1998?"

"When I was two years old? No."

"Jesus, you're a baby." He smiled at her. The age-gap thing was kind of weird for her still, as she had never dated someone as old as Kendall.

"And you're fucking old." She said, rummaging around to make coffee for him. "This coffee isn't great, sorry."

"It's okay. I'll have Fikret get me some. He's on his way."

Stella frowned, not ready to let Kendall leave their little bubble yet. "I'm so excited for you, Mr. CEO." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're gonna kill it."

#kendall roy #kendall succession #kendall roy x oc #kendall roy x reader

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kawaii-butt-crust-core · 7 months

Text

Rise of the TMNT headcanons because I feel uhhhsodk emotions or something

Warnings: anxiety , gore mention, trauma/PTSD mentions, kidnapping, yelling mentions, claustrophobia mention, if I missed any please lmk ‼️‼️

Donatello ( my favorite hands fucking down )

LOVES "it's always sunny in Philadelphia" and relates to Dennis wayyy too much

( also made a joke about how splinter is frank and he was actually cool with it )

Likes those HYPERBOP and songs like that

At 5am and raph is waking up for the day and he finds Donnie in his room fully awake

"Ive been up for 3 days everything is haunted everybody's evi-"

He also likes twentyone pilots

House of gold, taking my time on my ride, and car radio are his favorites

Actually hates monster ( like the drink ) but he has a can in his room from 2020 that he just poured out for decoration

( honestly I can't even really hate on it I think 2020 just ruined it LMAO )

Has no blankets. Sleeps with a single sheet and a unwashed unsheeted pillow.

Is one of those people that people mistake for way older

Yokai thinks he's at least 18-20 and get so freaked out finding out he's actually just 14

( he loves the attention )

He actually likes HOMESTUCK 😭

( this is based on my friend who likes Homestuck and they remind me of Donatello to some degree )

Has a fan that hasn't had a break since 2016

Maybe longer

Has seasonal depression

He likes to be with April or doing something during the winter because of it to distract himself

April and raph are good with helping him

Leo knows but he knows to just stay out of his way and leave him the fuck alone

And Mikey hasn't really been told because Donnie feels like he's burdening people with his problems ( he didn't even want Leo to know but he just caught on )

He even feels guilty for dragging April and raph into it

Him and Mikey LOVE LOVE LOVED spiderverse

( Donnie got the movie illegally before it even came out )

This mother fucker definitely fell to his knees for spider punk im so sorry

This same mother fucker also probably loved Danganronpa...

He doesn't really like southpark but some episodes get to him

LOVES GHOSTFACE

TO ANOTHER LEVEL

NO ONE CAN LOVE GHOSTFACE AS MUCH AS HIM

Actually probably has purple injected into his veins

"yeah my veins bruise in the blink of an eye and I can't move my body sometimes but so what? It was worth it??"

hates on dream so hard....

DONT HUG ME IM SCARED AKWNWJJF

ALL OF THE BOYS WATCHED IT ( maybe not raph tho actually )

He actually made discord ( idk if I'm even joking or not )

Would this be a good time to add a picture of what I think human Donnie would look like?

Uhhh yeah

Yeah I think so

Ok next

Leonardooooooooo

Just fyi this shit is gonna be so angsty

It will dip I promise

He can't get enough of those "drake the type" memes

But also low-key he is drake

Has a hello kitty clock in his room that actually works for him

He was that annoying ass kid who would say "I can scream like a girl" and then scream to the top of their fucking lungs

The ADHD was tooo muuchhh

So he just basically climbs walls who cares

He's on the ceiling? What's new.

Ok so spieerpunk had don to his knees but Leo was all for Miguel

" NOOOO MY SPIDER PAPIIIII- " *splinter right fucking there*

Daddy issues just crawling out of all of their skin ANYWAYS

Can't draw for shit but loves art

The way he words things makes him sound like a complete gaslighter but he's just stupid

"?? I don't gaslight?? HUH no seriously what did I do?"

The Mario movie possessed him for a while tbh

DIP!

even hours after him returning from the prison realm he was dissociating so bad he was crying to feel something

Just a few weeks later, he isn't better yet by any means he's just ok enough to function

Someone dropped a plate or something ( I probably need to rewatch the scene before I make headcanons for it LMAO ) or dropped a pot, something loud

And he practically went down with it

He fell to the floor and stayed there for a bit

He didn't cry or say anything

Then Mikey tapped his shoulder and he fucking SNAPPED

He will never forgive himself

🫶🏼

The CRUCIAL NIGHTMARESS

*rubs my hands in evilness*

He could feel the same AIR as the prison realm at times

He smelt the same scent

Raph, draxum, and Casey had to sleep in the same room for a while so they would hear him

But sometimes he didn't loudly jerk himself awake

Sometimes it played through and he woke up and didn't make a peep

Sometimes they knew and sometimes they didn't

Most of the time one of them would just wake up because of instinct and see him just frozen

Can't handle gore now

He used to but can't anymore

It reminds him of 1

The kraang

And 2

Seeing his brothers eye all fucked up like that was too much

There were times he didn't even know who he was anymore

He was scared to leave his room for a while and felt such bad guilt for it

While they're out on a mission and Leo's just curled up in his room blowing up raphs phone

Raph wishes he could say something like "oh how the tables have turned" but this isn't what he wanted at all

Uhh ok sudden switch up

HE LOVES BO BURNHAMMMM

Him and Don and Mikey listen to Will Wood

SHAYFER JAMES TOO

JUST THOSE TYPES OF ARTIST

Mixed with late 90s to early 2000s

"erm.... what da flip ;-; NO STFU IM JUST KIDDING STOP BULLYING ME ITS A JOKE-"

Him if he was a hummmaannn

+ maybe some scars on his back

Raphael

Blind in his one eye and low-key has bad eyesight in his other one

He can still see decently but it's pretty much fucked

He likes squishmellows but he knows Mikey LOVES them so if he buys/ finds one, he'll give it to Mikey

He's more of a "childhood stuff animal nostalgia" anyways

Doesn't like to cuss but if he's REALLY scared, he'll let a loud and quick "FUCK -" slip out of his mouth

Or if he's angry hell mumble "this bitch-" or something like that

He feels like he's not doing enough as a brother but genuinely forgets that he needs to take care of himself

Not physically but more so emotionally

He beats himself up when making a mistake even if it was out of kindness

He doesn't think things all the way through and just immediately jumps to "I wanna help people!"

And ends up making a bigger mess so he feels like a bad person

( people have reassured him he's not but he plays back how people get mad at him when he messes up and he doesn't know how to forgive himself if someone got THAT mad at him )

He sometimes just gets this burst of love and just hugs one of his siblings or friends

I think he doesn't develop feelings easily ( infact it's kinda hard for him to, not in a bad way )but one time there was a yokai, about his size, and they really enjoyed each other

He didn't tell anyone but he got her number and they still talk and he might have small feelings for her

The reason he hates being alone because it's a PTSD thing ( that only got worse after the kraang thing )

( he was alone and in danger for most of the movie, the only reason he wasn't freaking out because he knew if he did he was fucked )

And he got possessed before he could even lose his shit

But basically I think he got kidnapped by a hunter and held him captive ( either chained, or in a cage ) for 2 days before splinter found him

( yes they searched for him for 2 days )

The hunter would shoot his gun next to the cage ( or restraints ) he was in to purposely mess with him

And if he cried he would get in his face and start yelling until raph forced himself to stop crying because of fear

It was traumatic

Splinter has his own trauma from losing his fucking kid for 2 days, but it still fucks with raph badly

He still remembers it so vividly that it feels like it had only happened a week ago

So add that in top of the kraang doing what they did to him.....

He was only holding it together for Leo tbh

He can't go to certain areas or he'll start to hear the hunter yelling in his face again, like a hallucination

It's gotten a little bit better over time but the kraang set him so far back

He was also already claustrophobic, but if anyone tries to hold him down now he just immediately throws them off

And hard

Anything that really reminds him too much of the past he just starts freaking out

So he doesn't like to be alone :)

I could do a separate post for this maybe

But moving on

Any early 2000s song from anyone or any 2000 themed song is his SHIT

They did a karaoke night and he did Brittany spears ( yes I know that's like late 90s but yk THAT CATEGORY )

He put on a blonde wig tho and was actually kinda feeling it at some point

He LOVES walking around at night

Just strolling

He loves food. He eats everything

There is nothing he won't eat

He just loves everything

I forgot his scar sadly but here 😔‼️💔

( the nose piercing is fake he's too scared to get one HELP )

Mikey:

This lil shit STEALS

HE USES HIS INNOCENCE TO HIS ADVANTAGE

And I sleeps fine at night with all of it in his room.

ADVENTURE TIMEEE

he loves cartoons

Adult cartoons, children cartoons

If it's animated he wants it injected into his spinal fluid

His music taste is everything

But he really likes indie / indie rock songs

Has all of his art and drawings hung up on his walls

There's maybe one or.two posters he actually bought the rest is his art

Loves spiderverse but he couldn't even enjoy it because he kept looking at Leo crazy with this out of pocket comments

"I wanna pick him up like a baby lion and wash him and feed him milk and release him back into the wild"

"*deadpan* Leo. What the actual hell."

Draxums favorite. Only Mikey knows he's his favorite. If anyone asks drax who his favorite is he says he hates everyone equally and looks over at Mikey

Speaking of drax I think they're vent buddies

Drax vents to him Mikey vents to drax

Drax was very helpful with all of them during the time they were all fucked up from kraang

He even got them into therapy but I'm gonna make a draxum section because I love him ( I lied he's my favorite character, then Donnie)

( God I love drax and Mikey so much let me go on a rant rq )

Apart of draxs training he could definitely pass as a licensed therapist

So if really anyone has some sort of mental thing going on he's there

Even for Leo ( even tho Leo didn't really want his help, that quickly changed tho, again I'll just put this in his section✨ )

But Mikey has these really bad panic attacks that even his brothers don't know about

Only splinter and drax

Splinter is there to comfort him and drax is there to let him talk about it

Mikey doesn't want his brothers to know because he's technically the "therapist" so splinter and drax will never tell anyone

Watched MSA just to make fun of it

Also says cringe shit because he thinks it's funny like Leo

"GYATTTTT....... Y'all know I'm joking right-"

Loves Lilo and stitch

Has an art Instagram with over 1000 followers

LOVES SPICY FOOD

He ate the spiciest chip and then asked for another

Loves spooky month

Fought leo for that damn hello kitty clock

Then stole it

" I'm in your walls :3"

He ate a like 2 handfuls of orbeez when he was 5 before splinter caught him

HUMAN

Draxum:

MY ACTUAL FAVORITE FUCKING CHARACTER AAAAAAAAA

YES I absolutely believe he could qualify as a therapist and he absolutely uses that to his advantage

Leo was still "ish" about draxum but he became a lot more appreciative of him during the times that raph and Casey couldn't be there ( like missions )

He even took time out of work to be there

If he called? He's already almost there

He absolutely a mom IDC he even has the messy mom bun

Mikey calls him dad and that's part of the reason he's his favorite

"honey, it was ruined when she bought it *snaps*" ( I'm sorry ) ( I have to draw this now)

LOVESS BLANKETS

Like all the blankets

The resting bitch face is so real

He has to be leaping for joy happy to maintain a happy face

Goes to Donnies room and tells him to lay his ass down ( he doesnt )

Sends millennial memes to the boys....

*insert a cat smashing on a piano* he's wheezing.

Him and Mikey paint together sometimes

Because he can actually paint super fucking good

Scars all around his body

HUMAN FORMMM

Thats all ill probably make more for April and Casey and splinter

#tmnt #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja tutles #rottmnt head canons #headcanons #rise donnie #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #baron draxum

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graysnetwork · 1 year

Note

Hi! You could do one where Keegan has been in love with Y/N for a long time but, Y/N was in a toxic relationship with Simon ghost where at the end he leaves her and Keegan consoles her (at the end Keegan and Y/N become a couple).

[Sorry my English is not my 1st language.]

Not Mine

Keegan was so in love with you, he loved everything about you, all of you from the inside and out. And Ever since you took a bullet for him on a mission he loved you even more. But there was one problem for him— Ghost.

You and Ghost were dating, you guys didn’t have the best relationship, it was rocky, and overall not good. Keegan listened to you, comforted you, and cared for you whenever things got bad with ghost, which was almost all the time. But he knew deep down that

You weren’t his.

It pained him to watch you cry over this guy, and he knew it was bad but he couldn't help but think about how much better he could treat you than that scumbag. Keegan hated Ghost, and not even because of you. The way you spoke of him made him angry, so irritated at just his name, he wasn't a good man, Ghost was a cold-hearted soldier who would kill anybody, if given the order. Keegan didn't understand why Ghost decided to be in a relationship with you if he couldn't even stand you.

Then again he was "different" in the beginning of the relationship, according to you. When you first mentioned your new found relationship, he'd apparently been a "sweetheart" and he was so kind to you, such a gentleman to you. It was crazy how he changed and became so cold-hearted towards you. And the amount of arguments you and Ghost had were terrible, it's like Ghost had fun making you mad or sad.

The arguments had gotten so bad that you two stopped living together and you stayed on base most of the time you had breaks, or a small vacation. And yet you continued to say that you were in a relationship with him, it's like you still had hope that you guys could work things out.

It was late, the stars were shining, some were noticeably brighter than others. You decided to text him, you were gonna text Ghost and ask him to work things out.

Simon What? Do you want see each other? maybe we can talk about us? Y/N, I need to be honest with you, Ive been thinking about this for a while, but, I don't think this will ever work out. You deserve better, Im sorry Y/n but Im breaking up with you

You read the message again, blinking dumbfounded. Your eyes began to water, tears started to spill out of your eyes like a water bottle being knocked over. What a dick, breaking up with me over text? you thought to yourself.

"I get it Simon, I don't think we'd work out the best" you texted, "Take care Y/n, you know I'll always love you. bye" He said "Same from me, you'll always have a place in my heart, Goodbye Simon❤️"

And that was it, the last text you sent, the last one he'd ever see from you now.

You cleaned your face up, and went over to the bar that was a few miles away from the base. You didn’t drink, most people knew that. Of course you would drink for celebration— of a job well done with your team, but other than that you never drank alcohol.

You pulled the door open, the bell rang, there weren’t many people there, you walked over to the bar and asked for (your favorite drink). You were sittng there drinking for a while before you saw someone sitting next to you in your peripheral vision, you turned your head looking at the person, being met with the familiar face of your teammate Keegan.

“You okay?” Keegan asked, “not the best” you replied, “y’wanna talk about it?” He asked again “not right now” you told him. “How’d you know?” You asked him “you don’t drink regularly” he told you, you hummed. About an hour later you and Keegan were walking back to base.

“So you wanna talk about it now?” Keegan asked, “Ghost and I broke up” you said bluntly. Keegan knew it was wrong but he felt ecstatic when he heard you say that, obviously it was wrong, but hearing you say that; gave him a feeling of relief.

He didn’t say anything about his feelings, he began to comfort you like he always did.

—

Keegan wanted to give you time before he admitted any feelings to you, that’s what he said when, really he was just nervous to tell you. So almost a year was going to go by since you had broken up with Ghost, you were doin amazing, you’d forgotten about all of the pain you went through months ago.

Keegan was sat next to you, sipping his beer, while you drank (your favorite drink), Keegan was facing the ground “I think we should get you outta here big guy” you told him, big guy, a normal nickname you called him almost all the time, you gave him the name the first time you met him. He’s 6’1, and compared to you he was pretty big so the name suited him, the nickname was made for him.

You two were walking back to base like always, it was getting dark, “y/n” Keegan said softly, you turned to him “what?” You asked looking into his icy blue eyes. You would be lying if you said you didn’t feel something in your stomach when Keegan’s eyes watched you.

He walked closer to you, his eyes softening. “I love you” he said, you scoffed in shock as a reply as to not show the shock in you. The alcohol must’ve gotten to him you told yourself, and Keegan recognized that expression on your face, “I’m serious y/n” he told you “I’ve loved you for so long, and, and I couldn’t tell you because of ghost, and it’s not the alcohol” he rambled, he sounded breathless, like he’d been Holding his breath ever since you were single again.

You were speechless, I mean how could you reply to him? What would you say? He closed the gap between you guys, stepping forward and grabbing your chin with his index finger and thumb, his grip on you was almost nonexistent. He was scared he’d hurt you if he held you anymore firm.

He looked at you with longing eyes, his cold blue intimidating eyes turned into puppy eyes, looking at you; asking for permission to kiss you, you leaned towards him, and he followed. Your lips connecting, the feeling of him felt heavenly, his lips felt heavenly as they moved against yours in sync. Almost like you two had molded together, becoming perfect for each other.

You wanted to stay like this forever, and Keegan did too, he was already obsessed with your lips now, how soft they were, and how your chapstick tasted.

His hands moved down to your waist holding them lightly, still afraid he’d hurt you, your arms wrapped around his neck, you continued to lean forward into him as if it wasn’t enough, like there was more that you need to discover. Keegan pulled you by your waist closer to him suddenly.

You hummed into the kiss, not long after he pulled away to breath. He was again breathless. “y/n” he spoke softly “keegan” you said A smirk appearing on his face to your reply. Both of you still holding to each other as if you two would die if you let go.

“So do you want to be-“ he said before you cut his sentence off, he’d already said enough, you kissed him again humming “mhm” into his lips. You pulled away from him and nodded before saying “of course”

#imagines #x reader stories #fluff #call of duty #oneshot #keegan russ #keegan p russ #keegan x reader #call of duty keegan #cod keegan #keegan russ x reader #angst #call of duty ghosts #ghosts cod #cod ghost #simon riley #ghost call of duty

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thesimulacrasimp · 4 months

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So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #hazbin charlie #hazbin alastor #Spoilers warning #my post #tw sex abuse

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alstroemerian-dragon · 8 months

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man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies

like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…

look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?

i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.

so. girl needs some new hobbies.

its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.

girl needs some new hobbies!

kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.

the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.

and of course… fuyuhiko.

fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.

like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.

and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.

he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.

he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.

someone get these kids some hobbies, man

#personal #meta #danganronpa #sdr2 #neo survivors #MAN. YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW MISERABLE THE SURVIVORS ARE AT FIRST #BECAUSE I DO!!!!!!#personally i think sonia gets into painting. i think its fun if she specifically gets into mural painting #and starts decorating the facilities walls #i think she also gets really into helping build stuff and working with her hands because she never did that as a princess!!!#fuyuhiko i think gets into fiber crafts. specifically i could see him doing embroidery and shit #and reading. i think he develops a very embarrassing love of romance novels #but mostly he likes detective and mystery fiction yknow #kaz of course figured out how to make tinkering work for him again. he has to #but i think they also get into like. soldering as an art thing too #sculpture and stuff!!#and they and sonia are both really into fashion stuff so when the foundation sends them more clothes #and more materials #they both go ham making new clothes and outfits and shit #the two of them both learning how to sew <3 bonding experience.#akane definitely also figures out a way to get working out to work again. just slightly different from before #more stretching and stuff. i think she could also benefit from some meditation techniques! maybe she gets into yoga #and of course when they all finally get shipments of movies and tv shows from before the tragedy they all eat that shit UP #OH and akane LOVES taking care of the animals. like yeah a lot of them are probably gonna end up getting eaten eventually #and she definitely is a benefitter of that. but that doesnt mean she cant care for them now!!!#she takes point on feeding and caring for their livestock and chickens and stuff <3 #hajime of course. uh. jumps around. he does a lot of stuff.#anything to keep the darkness at bay ykwim!!!! haha #i do think he reads. and i think he does do art too because even if you have the ultimate artist in you #its always gonna turn out a little different

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fallingforel · 1 year

Text

arabella pt 4 - menswear

masterlist

“WHERE ARE YOU? YOURE MEANT TO BE HERE BY NOW! I MEAN IT Y/N I NEED AN EXPLANATION. NO THEY DONT GO THERE ON THE MAIN TABLE SMALLER CENTERPIECES ON THE ROUND TABLES, I NEED AN EXPLANATION?? IM WAITING ON ONE.” “It was matty okay luce, he forgot to wake me up, so im gonna be just a tad 3 hours late”“Oh good lord, okay look as long as youre here for the rehearsal dinner everything is going to be fine im sure” “Okay good? How are things anyway? Hows henry? Luce?” “Err alls good here. We have a slightly larger problem though. Em and him just walked in”

⋆｡°✩

where all of the 1975 gang and y/n attend a wedding

warnings: a few swearing, recreational drugs use (coke and weed) and a panic attack, also please let me know if there is any more that I need to be aware of them

A/N and here it is im taking tommorow and monday off, but I promise you, chap 5 will be out next weekend, kisses x

⋆｡°✩

“Well get rid of them then, because I tell you now Luce if they are still there, when the wedding comes around I will just stay at my mums house until they’re both gone and you don’t want your maid of honour to cancel on you last minute do you?”

“No I suppose not. Okay I will do my best to get them gone, look I’m gonna have to go now babe I haven’t got time to sit around and chat I have got a wedding to sort out, I’ve still got to make sure the DJ knows the no plays and when to play our songs so I love you and I’ll see you in about 4 hours kisses.” Lucy says while making an unbareable smooching sound down the phone.

“Love you. But I mean it when I say, I want them GONE.”

“Yes, yes, okay I’ll see what I can do babe love you, but I really have to go now hun” which is her final sentence before I was met with the signal of her putting down the phone.

⋆｡°✩

Before, I start properly focusing on my drive back to Wilmslow, I had to make sure Adam knew that both of our exes were there. So thats exactly what I did.

reaching out to press my home button on my phone “phone ad”

“now phoning ad” I was met back with the robotic voice speaking out to me through the aux cord

the phone rings a couple of times before Adam picks up

“Hey Y/n whats up?”

“err look I thought you should be aware, that Em and him are both there and that you should be warned because they might show up tonight or tommorow, and I kinda don’t want them to because then I’ll have a panic atta-”

My waffling on was then cut off by adam’s voice ringing through the aux in my car,

“look y/n/n, who cares if they’re both there, I certainly don’t I’m over her now, you should be over him too it’s been 6 months, it’s no longer fresh in our minds and plus we’ve both got new people in our lives, you’ve got Al and I’ve got Carls, infact I’m inviting her to the wedding, there was already a spare place from Em being uninvited and Lucy said yes to inviting her so now shes coming, you should invite Al im sure he’d be well up for it. G told me he was a massive fan of ours”

“I’m not too sure Ad we literally only just met last night, do you really think it would be that smart to invite him?”

“look just tell me you’ll consider it y/n/n you at least deserve to have someone there for you”

“okay, okay! I’ll think about it but its not a yes”

“good im glad, right im gonna go. Because ive still got to pack some last minute things, and I’ll see you later on at the rehearsal dinner okay”

“okay lots of love”

I say before putting down the phone. and going to phone alex to see if he wants to come. At this point I’m stopped in a petrol station to phone him as I didn’t save his number earlier.

ringing once twice three times biting my nails in anxiousness, before i hear a thick northen accent ringing through my ears

“Hey, who is this?”

“Al?”

“Y/n? is that you? was wondering when you’d call are you alright darlin’“

“yes yes it’s me look listen. I’m going to a wedding this weekend and I was wondering if you’d wanna go with me. its just theres an extra place due to some dramas that happened and so..”

“look love, I would really like to go, I wish you would’ve told me sooner, I’m literally about to board a plane to leave England right now, but we have to sort out a date some time soon, I’d love to get to know you better”

“Yeah no of course. I 100% get that plus its not like you would’ve missed out on anything anyway. It’s literally a boring wedding”

“You don’t have to downplay it fo me love, sounds dead interestin”

soon an announcement is made that I cant quite hear but it is soon made clear that it’s Alex plane because he bids his goodbyes and then he hangs up the phone

⋆｡°✩

“omg! y/n/n! thank goodness you’re finally here! you’ve missed out on a lot it’s like grand central station in there, people flying everywhere moving things honestly I don’t know how I do it for a job. It’s soooo good to see you, honestly, I’ve missed you so much, how’s London and the modelling life treating you?” Lucy says running up from the front entrance of the moderately sized building, and to my car giving me a rather large squeeze.

“It’s been good, London is manic though, all the time, and these shoots they are just amazing I did one recently for a major U.S. company had to travel to L.A. for it. but honestly my career has taken a major turn since I moved to London with the boys.”

“That’s so good I’m so happy for you. And how are the boys? Are they good? Is the music life treating em well?”

“so well, I can’t say too much because it would spoil it. But they have recently been getting so many radio plays it’s ridiculous but I am so proud of them!”

“thats so good! Looks like that move was good for all of you then!”

“yeah yeah it was, Luce I’m freezing can we go inside? Are they in there?”

“ of course we can babe, no no they’re not! my mum told both of em where to shove it. that soon made them leave!”

“I’ve always loved your mum. did you know that!” I say throwing an arm around her shoulder and walking into the venue.

⋆｡°✩

“so when are the rest of you London lot getting here?” Henry asks standing next to me.

“umm not too sure but I’m sure they’ll be here soon. shouldnt be too long they set off about 3 and a bit hours ago. so in like in a few” I say in reply.

“Hopefully, they won’t be too long. Luce is stressing way too much I dread to know what she’s gonna be like tommorow.”

“Ha! Yeah. I know what she’s like, I remember Matty’s 18th suprise party, she was dead stressed when I organised that, and she wasn’t even the organiser! But look don’t worry, it wont go too mad. I know that with her everything goes to plan”

“yeah, thank you for being here by the way, I know it can’t be easy being here especially after what happened 6 months ago.”

I was about to reply when I was cut off by a curly haired boy, a really annoying one to be precise.

“THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED”

“Matty shut your mouth, go get your suits on boys, rehearsal dinner commences in 10, you’re late already as is” Lucy says. Before walking over to where Henry and I were stood having our conversation

“y/n/n, I need you to go get your dress on too.”

“okay, I will go and do that now”

⋆｡°✩

The rehearsal dinner was a success, I knew it would be, anything Lucy organises is. It’s what she does best, kinda always knew she would be an events planner, her and Henry was meant to come to London with us, Lucy living with me and Henry living with the guys, but then the both of them recieving their dream job offers in the heart of Manchester, so they never did. I think it was meant to be that way if I’m completely honest. I just don’t think it would’ve ever worked, especially with the guys and I all being single and them two being in a relationship. Sure,it worked in Wilmslow where none of us lived together but the whole dynamic that we have now would’ve shifted and just wouldn’t have worked.

Currently I am squished between a tree and a skinny curly haired man, we ended up, going back to my mums last night and both George and Matty insisted that they had to see my mum. So just like we were 17 again and had just had a drunken house party, we are sleeping in my bed. To be fair its quite a large bed, however all three of us, are slightly bigger being 22 and 23 now, we just dont fit.

So I did what I had to do in order to get up. Wiggling to the end of my bed as so to not wake the two massive lumps in my bed, and eventually getting off at the end and then I went on the search to check for my phone.

Finding it laying on my bedstand on G’s side, he must’ve found me passed out and it still on so he must’ve put it there.

Turning it on to find out the time reading 7oclock, the wedding starts at 11 so its time to make my way to wake up the boys so that we all can head to the hotel, both of them being groomsmen and me being lucy’s maid of honor, so I do just that but I cant do it normally, thats just not our friendship dynamic. So I head to the bathroom to get a jug and fill it with cold water, heading back to my bedroom I start pouring it on matty.

“What the fuck y/n.”

“It’s time to get up, we have to head to the hotel, to get ready. We all have to be ready by 9 incase the event staff need help with anything, and I promised Lucy we’d be there by half 7, 8 at the latest to make up for all of us being late yesterday, now help me wake up G. While I find out where the fuck Ross and Hann are” I say while pulling my phone out to find out where the other two of our group are.

“I dont fancy getting slapped by the tree thanks, you can do it, I’ll call Hann and Ross”

“uh uh, you made me late yesterday, you get the pleasure of waking up the giant, I’ll get us a maccies breakfast on the way if you do.”

Soon enough he does it, earning a slap from George “it’s the crack of dawn, Matty what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“To be fair G, it’s 7 we have to leave in 10 because Lucy wants us at the hotel, and I dont think any of us want to anger bridezilla, I just know shes gonna be on a warpath today. Plus I promised stink here a maccies breakfast, right now though I’ve got to phone the other two find out where they are, can one of you two phone ross? I’ll phone ads” Matty nods his head reaching for his phone. while Im on mine pressed to my ear, trying to get through to him stepping out of the room so I don’t get distacted by Matty on the phone to Ross.

Finally after about a minute I’m met with a raspy voice.

“Hello?”

“Adam? Are you with Ross”

“yes, yes its me, and No what do you want at this ungodly hour, Y/n?”

“I promised Lucy I’d make everyone head to their respectful getting ready rooms, at half 7 so can you head to Hen’s and start getting ready I’ll bring you a McDonalds.”

“yes yes okay. I’ll head there now, when you come knock on my hotel door its 432, Carls will have my car keys, your stuff is in my car, Matty couldnt fit it in his”

“okay, okay. Bye I’ll see you.”

“bye bye, see you in a bit, double sausague and egg pleaseee”

“yes yes okay, see you in a bit Ad’s” I said before hanging up the phone and returning to my bedroom where Matty and George still reside in my bed, although this time a phone was pressed to Mattys ear talking into it

“Yeah, Y/n wants us to get ready, so we will be there in a bit”

I mouth to George “is that ross.” earning a shake of his head. “his mum” i nod my head waiting for him to finish his conversation.

A few moments later a “yep okay bye mum I love you see you tommorow” ending the phone.

“Right as much as I am glad that you were on the phone to your mother Matthew what is the situation on Ross?”

“He was with Henry already, apparently Lucy banged on his door at half 6 this morning making sure he was up” Matty said chuckling a bit

“That girl honestly” I say shaking my head

“Right come on you two lets get going we’ve got places to be people to see” I say slapping the two boys on their legs.

⋆｡°✩

The ceremony was a success, and it all went well. now we were heading on a little walk to where the reception was being held. Matty George Ross and I were infront, and then Adam and Carly following suit behind us.

We walked into the marquee tent finding our seats George and I both sat at the head table as I was Maid of honour and G was Best Man, Matty, Ross and Adam were sat on the table infront of us though so we all weren’t too far from eachother, luckily I was sat next to George and Lucy so I didnt have to endure meaningless conversations with other members of the bridal party like I did at the hen do.

“C’mon G we’re sat here” I say grabbing his hand and pulling him towards our seats after checking the seating plan that was displayed on the foam board standing on the white easel.

⋆｡°✩

And soon enough the reception was well underway after Lucy and Henry had their first dance. George hopped on the decks doing what he knows best, Lucy had let him have an hour at it giving the DJ an hour break to dig into the buffet.

I walked up to G wondering if Matty had any Joints. Because Lucy had want to let loose, and she hadn’t smoked in ages but claimed it was “my wedding night so I can do whatever the fuck I want” clearly having had taken too much advantage of the free bar at that point.

“well your the best man so whats the plan? we gonna smoke”

“y/n/n I’m busy doing my best to give everyone a fucking good time here, go talk to Matty about it, he’s outside. He’s the one thats got ‘em I’ll smoke my own later”

“okay I will, c’mon Lucy lets go find Matthew, bye G”

We walked outside finding Matty perched on a log smoking, we approached him

“oh Matthew” Lucy called out

“oh here comes trouble” he shouted out earning a giggle from lucy

“look we just wanna know if you’ve got any of those joints left, I know you must have at least half of one left, I can see you smoking one, and it’s not even halfway finished. The bride here wants some to let loose, Hen hopes it’ll calm her down and stop her being so stressed about everything. ”

“Look bug, I would and you know I would, but I’ve only bought three like I told you before, you’re gonna have to ask about. We went to school with half of the people in there and we all know they’re all pot heads, someone in there is bound to have some”

“Come on! I know who will have some” Lucy says.

⋆｡°✩

Eventually we found someone with some after asking about three people. Joining Matty on the log he was sat on when we came outside previously. Staying in silence, we sat and smoked. Until Lucy eventually piped up

“You wanna know why I’m smoking?”

“Because, it’s your wedding day and you can do whatever the fuck you want?” I question laughing

“no, it’s cause I needed to put off crying, this day couldn’t have gone worse. Henrys Mum sent me a text this morning saying that I shouldn’t be marrying him that he doesn’t really love me and I don’t deserve him, she’s been giving me evils all day. y/n/n I almost left him at the alter especially after Em’s text” she says tears flooding her eyes when she turns to look at me.

“oh Luce, c’mere babe” I say with my arms wide open and she shuffles along the log we’re sat on and hugs me, sobbing fully at this point. tears not coming to my eyes. After she pulls away I can’t help but ask about the text.

“what did you mean by the fact that Em texted you? what did she say”

“she said about how I banned her from my wedding, and that I needed to grow up because I took your side after the whole argument six months ago and that she would make an appearence along with him today, but not before she said that in a year or two Henry would leave me for her, I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier Y/N, I haven’t even told Henry, I’m not sure I even want to. I don’t want to make him leave, I know it’s silly because we’ve been together close to a decade at this point. But what if he decides he doesn’t want to be with me any more y/n/n, I don’t know if my heart will be able to take the pain especially with you in London”

“Don’t be silly Luce it’s okay, but she has no right to make you panic like that especially after warning you that she’s going after Hen, Luce, you are aware that you’re going to have to tell Henry about all of this right, especially about his mum, she has absolutely zero right to tell you whether you’re good for her son or not.”

“She’s right you know, you have to tell Henry, even if you dont want to, he needs to know. I’ve never known the two of you to keep secrets from eachother, especially one this big Luce, you know I may not have liked you at the beginning when you were dressed in nowt’ and telling everybody you were shagging every boy in Wilmslow, But Luce I like you now, and I know that you would really benefit from telling him, I can go get him if you want, y/n/n and I can be there while you tell him if you want?”

“no, no it’s fine I need to tell him on my own you two go. enjoy your night, come find me when you’re leaving.”

“okay okay, I’ll see you in a bit we’ll send him out to find you”

⋆｡°✩

After finding Henry, and telling him to go find Lucy outside, Matty dragged me to the bar.

“so bug.” he says turning to me “whaddya drinkin’?”

“malibu and coke” I say in reply

he gains the attention of bartender “scuse me lad can I have an ameretto and a malibu and coke please, passionfruit variation please” This boy knows me too well at this point as he asks for the passionfruit variaton because he’s all too aware after too many slip ups at parties to fill my glass with original malibu and me turn up my nose at the coconut flavoured liquer.

He thanks the bartender after handing us our drinks. And we go over to our tables but not before matty spills a load of his on a taller lad who we’re not too sure we know.

“watch where you’re going pot head yeah and also watch your girlfriend yeah think she might be getting some tonight but certainly not you, you scrawny fucker” the 6″3 skinny lad pipes up

“look I might be spilling my ameretto because of previous joints yeah, but don’t talk about my best mate like that, I don’t know who you think you are, yeah you might be taller than me, but you look just like me so I reckon I could knock you out, so just watch what your saying yeah”

“Matty, leave it hes not worth the fuss yeah”

“ooh getting your girl to sort your problems are we?” I can see Matty clenching his fist just as if matty was about to swing for him so I step infront of him before anything can happen.

“Do you want anything to end up in the press about Denise’s son losing it at wedding?” I ask him knowing thats exactly what would happen knowing the fuckers that went to our school. He shakes his head no in reply “exactly, so leave it yeah, this guy is not worth our time or effort yes?” he nods his head I tap him on the back throwing an arm around his shoulder “come on then stink” and so we’re off, back to the dancefloor so we can forget our troubles and have an absolute blast of a time before I’m back to work in two days, and the lads are back to the studio next week.

⋆｡°✩

“Matty, I need to go to the loo” I shout over the loud music but not before making a sniff gesture with my hand signaling that it was time to bring the sniff out, It was kinda known in Wilmslow that our group, were drug users, not hardcore as much as people think, only when parties were going on or when one of us wanted to feel something.

“cmon then bug, lets go to the bathroom”

Once we made it into the bathroom I lock the main door so that no one could make it in especially, Lucy’s conservative great-grandmother that definetly had some interesting views.

as I came back from locking the door hopping onto the counter where matty wasnt cutting lines. After he finished cutting the lines he handed me the rolled up 20 but not before saying “two each” “ooh a 20, very rich of you” “shut up and just sniff your two, off the porcelain basin will you” “okay okay chill out, Matthew” I say hopping off the counter taking the rolled up 20 that he was still holding out for me to take.

⋆｡°✩

Safe to say I was feeling the effect of the drug I had taken just a mere 10 minutes ago.

and soon enough, Em and him were here and I was making a beline for the exit, Making Matty clearly confused as he hadn’t noticed them. so obviously as confused as he was, He followed.

“bug, bug, slow down.” he called out and I turned to face him, my breathing irregular and tears streaming down my face, my makeup clearly smudged.

“Woah,woah. Whats happpened? why the tears bug?” He asked.

I tried replying but I couldn’t I was too worked up to explain. My hands doing anything they could. Unsure of whether it was the drugs making me like this or just seeing him in the flesh after 6 months.

“okay okay, bug look at me” Matty sounding so distant at this point, so I didn’t even know where he was “Honey, you’re gonna have to look at me so I can understand what happened”

Touching my chin, he gently lifted my chin with his fingers. removing them, my breathing still rapid at this point.

“cmon bug, copy my breathing, deep breath in, and then push it out” doing exactly what he said. We just sat there in silence me following Matty’s breathing. Until it was back to a normal pace.

“You gonna tell me what happened in there? What made you all worked up, so much so I had to do breathing excersises with you which we hadnt done in ages, god last time we did them was when you caught him cheating with Em” and suddnely his eyes go wide realising that thats what happpened. “oh bug!” he says scooching over to give me a hug. Knowing me too well at this point to realise, that in that moment thats exactly what I needed a good hug from my best mate.

I start tearing up again, “I saw them together, Matty and I thought I was doing so well as well I hadnt thought of him until a couple of days ago.Yet, I saw him in the flesh and it feels like I’ve now taken three steps back.”

“No, you havent bug, not at all, It’s natural it generally is, do you remember when I got cheated on?” he asks me I just nod in reply “well I remember she disappeared a while after that. And then like a year later I saw her, in cafe nero when i was working, god the tears all started to come out then, I had to get out of there, and because of that I got fired, it was right in the middle of morning rush aswell” “so thats why you got fired, we all thought it was because you burnt yourself or set off a smoke alarm lighting a joint in the bathroom, but awwh Matty you’re so sweet, I never thought you would be that heartbroken over her, we were only 15/16″

“Look, I’m just saying it’s natural to feel like you’ve gone back in time, anyway are we gonna go back inside or do you just wanna get out of here?”

“Just want to get out of here, I don’t think I can face him if I’m being perfectly honest, sorry stink you probably want to go back inside an enjoy the rest of your time with everyone, probably pick up a girl too.”

“No. No. don’t be sorry bug, you have every right to. Besides I’m probably gonna yosh in someones mouth soon if I stay any longer, plus I dont want some random coming up and going in for the kiss” reaching inside his blazer pocket to check for the time “and It’s 5 past three I can hardly see and if i stay up any longer I’ll probably pass out so its probably best if we go now anyway.”

⋆｡°✩

end of chap 4

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