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hangovercurse · 3 years

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The Things We Can’t Tell Pete about ix

Pete finds out about you and Colson

Colson X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, slut-shaming, sibling fighting

A/N: It’s done! Thank you all for reading this far, hope it’s lived up to expectations.

A/N 2: This is modeled after the (many) fights I’ve had with my siblings 😊

Word Count: 2277

| i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii | viii |

“Just promise me that we tell him soon, okay?”

2 months later

Things had been going steadily with Colson since that first night he spent in your apartment. You’d honestly never felt happier in a relationship, except for the nagging fact that you still hadn’t told Pete. Every time Colson would ask about it, you’d feed him the same line, “I’m just not ready to handle that yet.”

You could tell he was tired of the sneaking around and the same old excuse, but you truthfully weren’t sure what the outcome would be. If Pete was going to be mad at you, you might as well enjoy what you had until then.

And were you enjoying it. You and Colson both had to admit that sneaking around everyone was thrilling. A few weeks into your relationship, he’d brought you on set of one of his music videos to “show you the process.” The process, it turns out, was hooking up in a side room while the crew was on lunch break.

You knew it would be so much better if you could be honest about your relationship. If you could go out on dates publicly or post the cute pictures you take of him on your Instagram, or literally anything a normal couple could do. But for now, you were happy.

Last night, Colson had come over with takeout and a bottle of champagne, setting up a picnic on the floor of your living room. You talked and kissed while different movies played in the background, the bubbly starting to get to your head. You almost let three very important words slip out, but somewhere deep in your brain, common sense still lingered.

You knew you loved him, but you didn’t want to pressure him into saying anything he wasn’t ready for. You wanted him to take the first step. So, you didn’t say anything. Instead, you let the night carry into morning, waking up to a loud knock on your door.

There was no part of you that was about to get up and open the door, so you just snuggled further into Colson and closed your eyes. But then, the lock clicked and the handle squeaked through the small apartment.

Your entire body was immediately on high alert, shaking Colson to wake him up. His tired eyes opened, finding you and shifting to immediate confusion. He opened his mouth to say something before he was interrupted by the voice of the intruder,

“Hey Y/N, mom wanted me to pick up the-“ The door of your bedroom opened, revealing a stunned Pete. His eyes shifted from you to Colson, and then back to you. He let out a scoff, shaking his head and leaving the room.

You sighed, jumping out of bed and throwing on the closest shirt, that just so happened to belong to Colson. “Pete!” You ran out of the room, grabbing onto his arm and stopping him from leaving, “please jus-“

“You are the most manipulative bitch I have ever met, and I’ve met a lot.” His voice was dark, furious. Your mind was running a mile a minute to figure out how to explain everything. “I asked you for one simple thing, and you can’t even fucking do that?”

Tears began to flood behind your eyes, panic taking over your body. You were already on edge from the earlier fear of someone being in your house, and you were incredibly tired. So combined with Pete yelling at you, even if you did deserve it, it was enough to send you into a spiral of negative thoughts and anger. “If you would act fucking rational when I tried to talk to you about it, maybe you would know that it wasn’t so simple!”

Pete chuckled, “right, sorry. I forgot that you’re a slut who can’t keep her fucking legs closed.”

His words hit you like a thousand punches, so much so that you physically took a step backwards. He took no notice, continuing to pour all his anger out on you. “And you’re a fucking liar. How long have you been whoring around with him? Because if I were to guess, it’d be a couple months by now, right?”

Colson, who was standing by the door to your room, not quite sure what to do with himself, spoke up, “Pete, st-“

“How many of my other friends have you been fucking?” Pete ignored his friend, eyes still seeing red and focusing on you. “I mean, seriously, what is this? Did I do something wrong? Did you want to hurt me? Is this you getting back at me for something, by fucking around with my friends?”

Tears were falling freely from your eyes, embarrassment and hurt coursing through your veins. “You always make everything about you, Pete. You never fucking consider anyone else except your goddamn self.”

You shoved his chest harshly, turning and walking towards your bedroom. You pushed past Colson, who tried to comfort you, slamming the door behind you. You sat on the bed and let everything weigh down on you, Pete’s words ringing in your ears. Part of you was angry with him, telling you that he was in the wrong. But another part of you was angry at yourself for not being a good sister.

Outside the door, Pete had turned his anger towards Colson. “Get out.” Your boyfriend had tried to talk reason with Pete, but your brother was having none of it. “You are not my fucking friend, okay? Not anymore.”

“Pete, you’re being ridiculous, ju-“

“I’m not being fucking ridiculous!” Pete yelled, “that’s my fucking sister. You could fuck anyone else in the goddamn world and you chose to fuck my little sister? That’s fucked, dude.”

Colson was overcome by the urge to defend your relationship, “I fucking love her, Pete. Okay? Goddamn.” For the first time since Pete walked out of your room, he was quiet. “Do you think I would risk my entire relationship with you for some fuck? Do you think she would?”

He didn’t wait for a response, instead turning and walking into your room. The sight of you curled up, knees to your chest, made Colson’s heart break. He climbed on the bed behind you, back to the headboard, and pulled you into his lap. He could feel your body shake with every sob, so he just held you tightly in his arms.

When he could feel you physically start to calm down, he whispered gently, “I love you.”

You’d always hoped whenever you heard those words from him, you’d feel relieved, knowing your relationship was as real to him as it was to you. But right now you were only filled with dread. You didn’t want him to love you, because it made everything seem so much worse. How had you let it get this far?

Before you could respond, Colson continued, “I love you, but I can’t stay with you.” You leaned further into his chest, staring blankly ahead of you. “I want you to be happy, and you won’t be if you lose Pete.”

Your lip quivered as you whispered out, “I love you too.”

Colson sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, before moving to climb out of the bed. Tears blurred your vision as you watched him walk out of the room. Him leaving only made you fall even more in love with him, which hurt like a bitch.

When Colson came into view of Pete, the younger man studied him, but not in anger. “Did you really mean that?”

Colson sighed, “that I love her? Yeah, I do.” Pete was sat on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face to try and calm himself down. “But I’m not about to let you ruin your relationship with her over me. So, if you want me gone, I’m gone.”

Pete was silent for a few moments, and Colson could feel his own heartbeat slowing down, the thought of losing you for good finally hitting him. “How long?”

The older man sat on the other side of the couch, elbows on his knees, “It’s complicated. I asked her out the day after we met but then I broke it off like a week later when you guys got in that fight about it.” Pete nodded to confirm he remembered, “then we tried the whole “friends” thing for like a month, but it obviously didn’t work. Then two months later, here we are.”

Pete was staring blankly at the black TV screen in front of him, absorbing the blonde’s words. “Why didn’t you guys just tell me?” Pete’s voice was weak, guilt and regret slowly sinking into his system.

Colson hung his head, “because she wanted to put this off as long as possible, I think. I tried to get her to talk to you about it but she wasn’t ready. I don’t think I was either, truthfully. I figured once you knew, if it were as bad as she thought it would be, I would lose her.”

“You would really leave if it meant keeping her and me from fighting?” Colson could feel his heart stop at Pete’s words, the expected heartbreak on the horizon.

“If it meant she was happy, yeah.”

Pete rested his head in his hands, sighing deeply, “I’m an asshole.”

This took Colson by surprise, as it was not the response he was expecting. He thought he’d be thrown out immediately. “What do you mean?”

“We have this rule that we don’t fuck each other’s friends because then someone gets hurt and one of us would probably lose a friend. So, I flipped out when she brought it up because I really didn’t want to be put in that situation.” Pete paused, looking up to his friend, “But obviously you’re serious about her and you make her happy.”

Colson replied sincerely, “you know I’m never gonna hurt her, right?”

“I’ll kill you if you do, best friend or not.”

“That’s fair.”

The two men sat in silence for a while before they broke out into laughter, Pete reaching over to shove Colson’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for being a dick.”

Colson nodded, laughing it off, “I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”

Pete knocked on your door lightly, not waiting for a response before slowly walking in. You hadn’t moved since Colson left; your eyes still blankly focused on the wall in front of you. He sat down beside you and pulled you into his side, head resting on his shoulder. “I didn’t mean any of that,” his voice was hushed but sincere. “I was hurt and confused and I said things in the moment that I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

You shrugged, “you don’t have to apologize. I deserved it.” When you spoke, your voice was flat, void of all emotion. Just how you felt.

Pete sighed, “no, you didn’t. You tried to talk to me about it months ago and I blew up on you. I can’t blame you for not telling me.”

“It’s fine Pete, it’s over anyways.” You wanted to scream at yourself for falling too easily and at him for making assumptions, but you couldn’t find the strength. “It was more than just sex though, Pete.”

“I know, I was being an asshole.” He squeezed you closer into his side, “I should’ve realized you wouldn’t hook up with one of my friends unless it was serious.”

You whispered, “I didn’t mean for it to get this far.” Your voice was strained, “I wanted to tell you but I knew when you found out that you’d get mad and then something like this would happen. But I really fucking liked him, I just wanted to hold onto it while I could.”

“I was mad. Dude, I was pissed when I walked in.” Pete could feel you tense up at his words, “but you’re my sister and he’s my best friend. I just want you guys to be happy. And I might not like it, but he makes you happy.”

You sighed in relief, “you know I would never try to hurt you, right? Like I didn’t do this to make you mad or put you in a weird spot. It just kind of happened.”

Pete chuckled, “yeah, I know. And I’m sorry for saying all that shit. I was mad, you know how I get.”

You rolled your eyes, “you mean I know that you’re crazy? Yes, I am very aware.”

He shoved your shoulder lightly, the two of you sitting in comfortable silence for a moment before he broke it. “If you two make me third wheel, I swear I’ll kill you both.”

“Have you two met yourselves? I feel like I’m third wheeling you guys when we all hang out,” you giggled, climbing out of the bed. “I think you owe me sushi now.”

Pete gave you a very confused expression, “you snuck around with my best friend behind my back. If anything, you ow me sushi.”

“You called me a slut and a bitch. And you embarrassed me in front of my boyfriend.” You said matter-of-factly, a small smile on your face to let Pete know you’d already started to get over it.

He rolled his eyes, getting up and moving to the living room, “that just makes us even.”

“I’m suing you for emotional damages.” You joked as you followed him, sitting on the couch next to Colson, leaning into him, “the court has determined you owe me sushi.”

Colson looked between you both, confused, “so, you two are good now?” Pete and you nodded, smiling. “Siblings are fuckin’ weird, man.”

Tag list @corpse-babe @sesamepancakes

#Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker angst #mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson imagine #pete davidson

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aslitheryprinx · 3 years

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Hello! Ive been thinking and it your Starstruck au. So, model trains. They could just have a while train system throughout Wilbur's house to get around one. It'd be great wouldn't it? The benchtrio could just hop on a train and get wherever they want to go. It'd probably be super fun to ride too, tho I'm not sure if there would be any with actual insides for them to get in so they'd probably just have to ride along on top, it'd still be less effort than other methods of getting around they may have.

They could even probably figure out how to make a roller coaster. That would take a Lot of convincing to get Wilbur to agree with the idea tho if he'd even ever agree to it.

-💖

AHHH this is so cute! :D

Wilbur's been trying to figure out how to help the teens get around his house a little easier. At the moment, they very rarely travel from room to room because it takes so long.

He's been stuck for like a week trying to come up with ideas. None of them seem like they would work very well. Then, Phil makes a joke about working on a trainset in the basement, and Wilbur has an epiphany. He almost forgets to say bye to Phil with how quickly he runs off.

The model trains are... very expensive. Wilbur has to dig into his savings to afford a train and enough tracks to go around his house. But it's all worth it when he sees the delight on his the kids' faces.

He makes little ladders on the sides of the train with toothpicks and hot glue guns, and puts tiny handmade pillows on top for a more comfortable place to sit.

He's set up the train to stop at set locations, and put the tracks running all around his house. Pretty much none of his doors are ever closed now anyways.

Once they realize things like this are possible, bench trio start begging for a more intense version. Wilbur resists a lot at first, but eventually he sets up a small ride- he realizes after watching the tiny teens go down it screaming that it's only small to him.

He almost had several heart attacks through the whole process, but when they get off they're laughing and smiling and ready to go again. Once more, Wilbur thinks it's worth it.

#mcyt g/t #starstruck au #aslitheryanswers #💖 anon

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matryosika · 3 years

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shoot me, chapter VI

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II chapter III chapter IV chapter V chapter VI

word count for this chapter — 4.1 k

warnings — mentions of alcohol and emotional abuse

note — this chapter has no smut in it. still, the love-story gets completely developed here. next chapters will be filled with smut and angst so stay tuned! i haven't read this chapter because i wanted to upload it as soon as possible, so it may contain grammar mistakes. i will check it later since i have to go out with my family to have dinner! <3 hope you enjoy

taglist:@cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan @binnie-m00n @minaamhh @pinkishwen @spilledtee

[changbin's pov]

"so?" you asked him, modeling one of the dresses that you had previously selected from the expensive clothing shop "what do you think?"

she looks like a goddess.

"good" changbin limited to reply. "is that the last one?"

"c'mon you are not helping at all" you grunted, turning around slightly on the mirror to see the full silhouette of the dress "this might be the one, don't you think?"

i think so. i think you look perfect in all the things you have tried on, actually.

"it's alright" the dark-haired man reply "just take that one and let's get this over with"

"jesus, changbin" you whined "you are such a pain in the ass. if you were in a bad mood then you shouldn't have accepted to drive me here so i can buy a dress for the wedding"

you had been in korea for a month and 2 weeks now, your relationship with changbin growing unconciously intimate as you often engage in sexual encounters with him. you wouldn't say the both of you were close, but each day that passed by you could feel how you learned more about him just like he learned more about you too. you wouldn't consider him a good friend, since hostility made a presence every now and then between the both of you, but you had learned to spend time with him without feeling the need to put plugs into your ears and a blindfold to stop acknowledging his existence.

"if you needed help picking a dress" changbin interrupted, standing up from the seat he had been occupying for the last 45 minutes "you should've asked hyejin or ryujin to come and help you out, not me"

"hyejin is busy" you were quick to respond "ryujin had work today and you were the only other person i know that owns a car"

"cabs exist"

"yeah well" you made a pause, swallowing hard "i don't like cabs"

"you could've asked arthur to lend you his private driver" changbin tilted his head slightly.

"i get uncomfortable with strangers" you answered after a few seconds of being completely silent, changbin's gaze making you incredibly nervous.

"really?" he inquired, one of his hands traveling all the way to the pocket of his jacket as he pulled his wallet out. "why won't you just admit that you wanted to spend time with me?"

"fuck no" a grimace of disgust was quick to appear on your face "don't get confused. i would rather be dead than to spend more time with you than i already have to"

"yet you are still here" he teased "maybe i'm not as unbearable as your mind is trying to convince you i truly am"

with lazy steps he took the bunch of dresses that were piled up on the chair next to him, putting them all over his shoulder as he walked to the counter. "what are you doing?" you asked, still wearing the last dress you tried on.

"you are indecisive and i am starving" he said without even looking at you "i don't need to spend another 45 minutes here looking at how much you struggle to pick between 5 dresses, just have them all and pick one when you are alone"

you looked at him in desbelief "do you have any idea of how much just one of them cost? are you stupid?" you almost yelled in astonishment, looking at the figure of changbin slightly turning around to face you.

"i am not stupid" changbin reply "like i said, i am just hungry"

and currently thinking about how beautiful you are looking right now with that look of amazement on your pretty face. if i could, i would buy you the entire world just for you to destroy.

[y/n's pov]

"i will pay every single one of those dresses back before i leave" you mumbled, eating your food as if you had been starving for days "i had money, i didn't need you to come and rescue me as if i was some sort of damsel in distress"

"you were in distress though" he added, taking a sip of the drink he ordered "you took almost 30 minutes just to pick one dress to try on, you are really undecisive"

"yeah well, it's not like i had anywhere else to be" you replied.

"isn't arthur going to have a small gathering at his house today?" changbin inquired "like a pre-celebration of the wedding or something?"

you shrugged your shoulders "i don't know and i don't care. i am just here for the wedding and then i will be finally free"

you kept on eating your plate of food, confused as to why changbin's gaze stayed fix on you. "what, do i have something on my f-?"

"are you leaving right after the wedding?" he asked in a very hostile way, almost as if he had completely forgot that you were not going to stay forever.

"not right after but that's the main reason i came here, yeah" you replied, having a mixture of feelings inside your guts.

you couldn't deny the fact that you missed tsukuba, but living there meant to be trapped in the university dorms 24/7 just studying. but still, the lifestyle you have had for the past time was absolutely something you could get use to it: ryujin, hyejin, going out on the weekends, being free from school, changbin...

changbin?

"i still don't know the exact date though" you added "school doesn't start for me in another months so..."

"how is your life?" he asked, earning a weird look from you as you couldn't quite understand his question "in Japan, i mean"

you sighed. you had thought that living in japan was really good and you felt utterly comfortable living there until you arrived to korea and discovered a whole new life style that you had already learned to love. not only that, but leaving everything here was going to get you a bit nostalgic in the future. "it is great, better than people say it is honestly" you responded as he nodded "i live at the university dorms so life is pretty much everything but rushed. i spend my days at the library studying, i sometimes work as a shadow teacher for like 4 or 5 kids and on weekends i go and visit my mom and her partner"

"your mom got married after divorcing arthur?" changbin followed, just in time as he finished his dish of food.

"uh, it's complicated" you gave him a smile "she lives with someone and she is very happy"

"and are you?"

you were about to answer the question when you felt a pinch on your heart. a month ago you would have replied "yes" without a doubt. you thought you were happy living in japan, you thought you were happy when you visited thea, your mother, and reiko, her girlfriend. you thought you were happy when reiko made you her special coffee and you thought you were happy when they ocasionally visited you on winter nights at your dorm. you thought you were happy when you worked with children and spent time with them. you thought you were happy when you rode your bike from school to work and you thought you were happy when ryejin visited you and your mom on the holidays.

however, you had learned a new definition of happiness here.

"are you?" you fired back.

changbin slightly tilted his head as he laid completely back on his seat "i could be"

"what is exactly stopping you from being happy?" you asked him, intruiged.

"even if i explained it to you" he mumbled "i don't think you will be able to understand it"

"ah, there you are again" you scoffed, slightly rolling your eyes "your god complex has not show all day. i guess you missed it."

"c'mon" he grunted, raising his hand at one of the waiters at the restaurant "let's go somewhere else"

"where exactly?" you laughed "to your place? your car? a motel? jesus changbin, you can't really go a day without fucking, can you?"

"that's not actually what i had in mind" he replied, taking out his credit card as he saw the waiter approaching the table "but i mean if you want to fuck i won't say no"

"you had something in mind?" you asked, faking excitment "for me? you planned something for me?"

"if you want i can drop you at arthur's place right now so he can force you to have dinner with him and his bride. it's up to you"

you weren't really feeling like spending "quality time" with your father, and you also knew that hyejin was probably not going to attent the dinner, so there was no point of you being there. but at the same time, the thought of spending time with changbin doing non-sexual activities was something that it always made you nervous for an unknown reason, and you were feeling particularly nervous today.

"whatever"

the evening went on peacefully and that alone was unreal. he drove you to the center of seoul and suggested to take a walk around the most popular avenues because "the city looked better at night", something you have always believed too.

changbin was attractive and, even though your personalities crashed every damn time, you couldn't deny the fact that there were some sort of intimate bond going on between the both of you since that very first night at the bar. still, you wouldn't accept it. you wouldn't accept that the one person you disliked the most was starting to change your mind.

and you couldn't get yourself to trust him either. you couldn't trust any men, for that matter.

"have you thought about which dress you are going to wear tomorrow?" he asked so casually, his hands inside the pockets of his jacket as his gaze diverted from building to building.

"no" you replied, trying to get back at the trail of thoughts you had been threading since you left the restaurant with him. "have you?"

"have i thought about the dress i am going to wear tomorrow?" he laughed "i don't know, it will depend on which one you lend me"

"i got distracted" you admitted "but i will try on all the dresses tomorrow morning and i will give you the rest of them so you can return them to the store"

"i won't do that" he clicked his tongue "i bought them for you"

your heart skipped a beat after hearing those words and it was everything but pleasent.

"i don't want them"

"you can't reject a gift" he mumbled "that's the whole point of a gift"

"i will sell them on the internet" you threatened.

"do it, at the end of the day they are yours" he gave you a side look while smirking "but i wouldn't sell them if i were you. you look good in them"

"oh so you want to give opinions about the dresses now, huh?" you asked, mildly annoyed "you could've help me back at the store but you chose to be grumpy"

"at least i am helping you now"

"you are unbearable" you whispered.

a bright smile was quick to appear on his face. a genuine smile, as if he was enjoying the conversation. not only the conversation but the whole moment: you and him, walking around the city and talking about something so casual and trivial like which clothes you were going to wear tomorrow or which dress he liked best on you.

and for a moment it felt nice.

you felt safe.

"the red one was pretty" he added. you looked at him confused, once again lost in your trail of thoughts. "the red dress, the one that you tried on last"

"good" you responded "i'll make sure not to wear that one"

"you hate me that much?" he teased while a faint chuckle left his lips.

"oh changbin, you have no idea" deep down knowing it wasn't more than a vile lie.

you looked in the mirror one last time before you heard hyejin calling your name once again "y/n, how long will you take? i need to stop by the bakery to pick up the wedding cake"

"i'll be out in a minute" you replied, noticing how your hands got sweatier by the second.

you were quite nervous, but couldn't really understand why. maybe the sole thought of your father having his "happy ending" made you jealous because you knew that he did not deserve that at all; he didn't deserve the love he had.

the emotional abuse your mother and you suffered throughout your childhood and adolescence was not something that could be fixed in a month or two and you were certain about it. no matter how happy your father was, you couldn't help but to feel jealous about how he never had to suffer like you and your mother did.

and even though you got over your negative feelings towards him, the scars and aftermath of an abusive household still caught up on you: the mistrust, the negativity, the hostility and the lack of commitment were things you had to deal with on a daily basis.

of course he was the one to blame. but you were an adult now, and you were supposed to deal with all those issues by yourself. no one was going to fix them for you.

"jesus y/n, we are running late" hyejin busted the door open "are you ready now?"

"yes" you were quick to respond, grabbing the purse on your bed and trying to quickly divert from your sister's gaze.

"wait" she mumbled, gripping both of your shoulder as you intended to the leave the room "why are you tearing up?"

"i am not" you replied "i yawned"

she didn't look convinced, but still decided not to push any further "i'll meet you in the car, i just have to grab a few things"

you nodded and made your way through the hallway. because of how rushed she was, you didn't have a chance to tell hyejin how gorgeous she looked. she was wearing a golden shiny dress that embraced her body just fine and carrying a maching clutch with it. she was really pretty, maybe the prettiest woman you had ever seen, and not only that but she was also very smart. any guy would be head over heels for her, but she still decided not to engage in a "silly love story" as she called them because "it is a waste of her precious time, and time is money"

you wished you had the same mentality as she did, but you grew up getting educated on how love was portrayed in books, movies and television. it was ironic how you were the first person on earth to deny that love actually existed, but you were still a hopeless romantic after all.

[changbin's pov]

"changbin, are you too far from the church?" haeun, his mother, asked desperately as changbin picked up the phone.

"i'm right outside" he grunted "i told you i was not going to be late"

"we are sitting on the second bench at the left of the altar" the old woman added "hurry up"

changbin hung up the phone and cursed under his breath. the weather today was maybe too nice for his own liking and his clothes were a bit too uncomfortable to be wearing them under the sun.

as quickly as he could, he closed the door of his car and started walking towards the entrance, making sure that the ceremony hadn't started just yet so he wouldn't make a scene.

"did you bring the gift?" jang-yeop inquired as he sat down next to him and changbin nodded "did you also bring your mother the pair of shoes?"

"yes" he responded "how long is this going to take?"

"40-45 minutes?" his father replied "i have no idea, what time is it?"

"7:02 p.m." haeun was quick to answer "now, the both of you shut up"

right after she mumbled those words, music started to sound on the church. changbin, being in a rush to get to his seat before the ceremony started, didn't notice that arthur was already standing up next to the altar and waiting for his soon-to-be wife. changbin's gaze was fixed on arthur, then it diverted into the bride walking down the aisle and then returned to arthur once again. he never thought about marriage or building a family. hell, he never thought about having a romantic relationship that would last longer than a few months actually. but as he grew older, and as he experienced new stuff, he wasn't sure if he still had the same mentality he used to have last year.

to changbin, arthur seemed genuinely happy. his half-lidded eyes along with that bright smile he was wearing indicated that the man was living one of the happiest days of his life. and as changbin witnessed that romantic scene, the question that popped up in the conversation he had with you last night grabbed his attention once again.

what exactly is stopping me from being happy?

and before he could respond himself with words, his eyes had already found the answer: standing on the bench at the right of the altar and wearing that promising dark red dress that could drive any man insane, the woman he never dreamed of looking just as beautiful as the very first day he met her.

not being able to have her completely.

[y/n's pov]

after the ceremony, a big party was held at a very elegant event hall located in one of the tallest buildings of seoul. you were not particularly excited about having to see arthur's side of the family, but you still managed to keep yourself together the whole time.

"you are wearing the red dress" a sudden voice whispered into your ear as you were counting the tables that were still missing their dinner plates, an order given by hyejin. you slightly turned around to meet changbin's breath dancing on your neck and nape, goosebumps filling every single inch of your skin due to the proximity.

"congratulations" you sighed "your vision is crystal clear"

"i have been watching you since the ceremony" changbin added "i can't help but think about how pretty you are going to look when you are taking that dress off for me"

a spark of electricity traveled around your whole body and directly into your core. you immediatly looked around and notice a few people who worked for arthur's company sitting not that far away from the both of us "do you really want to do this here?" you asked "aren't you scared of being caught by any of arthur's friends?"

"are you concerned about that now?" he chuckled "that didn't seem to bother you at the company's elevator"

"c'mon" you whispered, your back slightly pressing against his chest "i have to help hyejin with some stuff"

changbin slightly gripped your hand and guided you to the dancefloor that was crowded with couples dancing around "i am sure that she can handle all of this by herself"

before you could protest, you took out your phone and sent her a message with the information she asked for. you had no idea what changbin was up to, but you still decided to follow him.

changbin positioned his hands on your waist as he gracefully dragged you across the dancefloor, looking for a spot in the middle of the crowd so it would be easier for the two of you to get lost.

"you are spending the night at my place" he mumbled over the slow songs that were now playing. it wasn't a question nor a petition, it was an order.

"yeah right" you chuckled "if you are too desperate to fuck we can do that, but i am not fond of sleepovers"

the thought of you spending the night with him was terrifying, but you would've been lying if you said that you hadn't think about what it would be like to wake up next to his him.

"i wasn't asking" he responded. "tell me when you are ready to leave".

with a swift movement, your whole body was pressed against his, his hands resting on your lowerback as you both swinged from side to side, following the rythm of the song. this was a whole new side of him that you didn't know it existed, and you couldn't deny that you were loving every second of it.

"who thaught you how to dance, huh?" you asked, your gaze fixed on his eyes that looked even brighter because of all the lights adorning the hall.

"there is so much about me that you don't know" he replied.

"oh i know everything there is to know about you, changbin" you scoffed "but let's see if you can keep surprising me"

it wasn't even midnight but people were already starting to get completely intoxicated with alcohol. arthur had spent the night dancing with ara and, after she was done being the unofficial wedding planner, hyejin ended up getting wasted with the small group of friends she invited to the wedding. you, on the other hand, spent the night dancing with changbin and eating your dinner with him.

it was not unusual to see the both of you together since you spent too much time at the company, but tonight it was sort of different. the looks he gave you, the way you two danced for hours on end, the way he was treating you... it felt different, a little bit more personal and intimate. his parents probably noticed this too, since they made a lof of comments about "how happy they were about us being really good friends". if only they knew.

"i think i am ready" you said to changbin after telling hyejin that you were going to spend the night somewhere else. she nodded her head and agreed to say, if asked, that "you were at ryujin's" even when she wasn't invited to the wedding in the first place. you just smiled at her and nodded, not leaving without telling one of her sober friends to look out for her.

"don't worry" the pretty pale girl mumbled "she will stay at my house tonight"

you glanced over to arthur and ara who were still having the greatest time of their lives on the dancefloor, and proceeded to walk away from the party with changbin. "you parents will stay here?"

"yeah, they will leave in an hour or so" changbin replied "i told them that you wanted to go home and that i was going to drive you"

"perks of living alone i guess" you joked.

the walk through the empty corridors of the building felt eerie as the loud sound of the music were still ringing in your ears. even though you were walking on your own, you could still feel changbin's ablazing touch on your body and that only provoked your heartbeat to go even faster.

as you waited for the elevator to open their doors, changbin's lips unexpectedly crashed against yours. it wasn't a passionate kiss, and it wasn't rushed either. it was just a kiss, an innocent kiss, a kiss you give to your significant other as a demostration of how much you love them. his soft lips dragged against yours as his teeth bite softly your bottom lip, earning a small whine from you. his hands, that were now located into your waist, guided you to the insides of the elevator once the doors were opened.

"you look so beautiful tonight" he whispered interrupting, his breathing getting faster each second that passed by "i can't get you out of my head"

his lips left yours to meet the sensitive spots on your neck, peppering soft kisses all over the surface. your gaze found the reflection of the scene in the mirror of the elevator, looking at how changbin was tasting every inch of your skin with his eyes closed, his rushed hands traveling all the way from your waist to your lower back trying to memorize every single trace of your body.

"i don't want to hurt you tonight" he continued "no roughness, no pain, no petnames. i want to make you completely mine, in the most pure way"

and for the night, you agreed to let your feelings out and let go.

no fear and no mistrust, you were ready to face the overwhelming feelings that had been building up inside you since the day you met him.

even if you could potentially regret it later...

#stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids x reader #changbin x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz oneshots #stray kids oneshots #seo changbin smut #kpop smut

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peaceisadirtyword · 3 years

Text

Move On IV (Modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!💕 I don’t even know how I managed to finish this with the crazy week I’ve had💀 I had 3 exams, a huge paper to hand in and a presentation. But somehow, I did this too and I wanted to post it as soon as possible🥰 I’m quite happy of how this one turned out considering I hadn’t that much time to work on it. So I hope you like it!♥️ There’s not many parts left (2 or 3) but I have an idea for a “sequel” so if you guys like this one, maybe when it’s done I’ll work on that!

Now enjoy, stay safe and enjoy the holidays, even if this year isn’t the best one for celebrations😅 See you soon🥰

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, angst, implied Hvitserk x Reader, don’t kill me for this lol

Words: 4179 (I’m sorry)

Move On II III

gifs belong to @therealcalicali and @honestsycrets

You actually liked to go shopping. You enjoyed walking around the shops and looking at beautiful clothes and shoes. You didn't like to try on the clothes, though, because the comparisons between the model on the photos and you were awful.

"Aren't you gonna try that on, Y/N?"

Torvi's voice startled you. She just got out of one of the fitting rooms, wearing a beautiful silver dress that made her look even better than the model. You widened your eyes.

"I... Don't think this will fit me" you glanced at the clothes they made you pick. Party clothes; tight dresses, short skirts, low cut crop tops... "I'm more of a comfy sweatpants and oversized hoodies girl" you raised an eyebrow.

Torvi chuckled, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Come on, Y/N, I want to see how you look on them!"

She looked at herself on the mirror, frowning softly. You looked at the pile of clothes on the wooden table and wondered why you agreed to go shopping with Torvi, Gunhild and Lagertha when you could be at home, eating cookies and watching Disney movies with Hvitserk.

They insisted on going shopping and then go and grab lunch. As you barely had any social life anymore, you thought it'd be a great idea. Then they entered one of those expensive shops that you could only admire from afar and glare with jealousy to the people that exited the store with a couple of bags.

"Okay, I think this is the one" Torvi shrugged happily "What do you think?" She turned around and you smiled softly.

"You look beautiful"

"Thank you" her smile widened "You're the sweetest, Y/N"

"Are you girls done?" Lagertha's voice startled you, her head peeked through the door.

"Nearly" Torvi winked at her "What do you think about this dress? Y/N likes it"

"I think you look perfect on it" Lagertha smiled at her ex daughter in law. You were still amazed with the narrative of that family, but it wasn't your place to judge "What about you, Y/N? Did you try anything?"

You opened your mouth to speak, but Torvi interrupted you.

"She didn't, I keep telling her she should, but she won't listen" she raised an eyebrow and you groan, rubbing your face.

"Come on, we're not leaving until you try something on" Lagertha chuckled.

Sighing, you rubbed your face and grabbed the clothes, rolling your eyes as you entered the fitting room, making Torvi and Lagertha smirk in victory.

_________________________________________

"So... We could go out" Torvi looked excited as you stared at your lunch. You had nothing against modern, expensive restaurant but you weren't sure if it was legal that they asked that amount of money for that.

"We're already out, Torvi" Gunhild chuckled. Out of all of them, she was the one you could relate to the most, she was the most calm, the quiet, but also as fierce as Lagertha if not more.

"I know" Torvi rolled her eyes "But maybe we should go out to a nightclub, you know, I haven't been out in forever and I want to, this whole 'plan the perfect wedding' thing is stressing me out"

"You don't need to plan the perfect wedding, every wedding is perfect when you're in love" Lagertha raised her cup of champagne softly, and you chewed at your food slowly.

"I know, I know, I just... Ubbe is the one, you know?"

"We know, Torvi" Gunhild smiled widely at her "But you see... My own wedding with Björn was quite rushed, and still... Magical" she blushed softly, looking down.

You smiled, remembering her wedding. You had attended with Ivar, who wasn't too excited to go to his half-brother's wedding and was nearly obligated by his family. The two of you left very early, but not before having sex on the limousine Björn had rented.

"I know you will have the same thing with Ubbe, I can see it" Lagertha caressed Torvi's hand over the table.

"Okay stop getting emotional, I know what you're doing" she narrowed her eyes at them "Can we go out, please?"

They laughed, and even you chuckled softly.

"Y/N, I trust you, don't leave me alone" she pouted at you "Tonight?"

"I'm afraid I work tonight" you smiled apologetically "But you all can go out! I'm sure you'll have a better time without me"

"No, we need you" she sighed "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I suppose tomorrow is fine..."

"Perfect!" She giggled.

"I'm afraid my time on nightclubs is already over, girls" Lagertha laughed "But I wish you have a great time, enjoy your youth"

"I think I can" Gunhild nodded "But I'll leave early"

Torvi looked satisfied.

"Okay, I can call Sigurd's new girlfriend too"

"Sigurd has a girlfriend?" You raised an eyebrow. You didn't know anything, but as you barely talked to him due to his bad relationship with Ivar, it didn't surprise you.

"Yeah, I met her when we had dinner with them to tell them about the wedding... She's cute, and nice... It looks like our dear Sigurd finally settled down... Ubbe was relieved to hear about her, he was really worried that the rockstar life was too much for him"

Even Sigurd, the now semi-famous musician that girls pursued after his gigs, the soft and sweet Sigurd that had had nearly as many girls as Hvitserk, had settled down. He had an stable relationship. You, on the other hand, had a shitty job and spent your nights watching Disney movies.

You kept eating as Torvi talked about her favorite clubs, trying to decide which one was more suitable for a girls' night. But suddenly, someone entering the restaurant, and your eyes widened. Torvi stopped talking and Lagertha raised an eyebrow, turning her head to look at the door.

Of all the people you'd think you might run into on a posh restaurant, Aslaug wasn't one of them. She looked as beautiful and flawless as always, with her hair tied on an elegant bun and her subtle makeup that made her pretty eyes stand out. Ivar had his father's eye color, but the shape was much more similar to his mother's. They resembled each other, and it made your stomach turn.

She looked around the restaurant, and when her eyes found yours, she looked surprised. An strange expression crossed her face, but she flashed you a sweet smile. Aslaug seemed cold and distant to most people, but to you she was always sweet and caring, treating you like the daughter she always wanted but never got.

Her smile turned a bit stern when she looked at Lagertha and Torvi, ignoring Gunhild. Then she turned to the bar, smiling politely at the waitress.

Then the eyes turned to you. You cleared your throat nervously and avoided them. It was true that, out of Ivar's family, the only people you had a close relationship with were Hvitserk, Aslaug, Floki and Helga, and sometimes Ubbe, even if that changed when he decided to get closer to his half brother and Lagertha. Now things had changed, and you still felt a bit out of place in this new social circle Alfred had introduced to you, but your link to the "enemy" was much stronger.

"I... I'm going to say hello" you muttered.

No one said anything, and you nearly felt sick. When you arrived to the bar, Aslaug was talking to a man next to her. You hadn't even realized he walked in after her, like her favored son, she had the gift of making everyone aware of only her presence by just walking in a room.

"Hi, Aslaug"

She turned to face you, her face lightened up and her smile widened. This time it reached her eyes.

"Y/N, my sweet girl, hello" she hugged you tightly, and you sighed, hugging her back. You missed her "I was wondering if you'd say hello... How are you, my dear?"

"I'm fine" you nodded "How are you?"

"I'm good, honey, I'm so happy to see you, I was worried when you..." She licked her lips, nervously "I called you a couple of times, but you didn't pick up"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that... I kind of neglected my phone for a few weeks"

"I understand" she nodded. If anyone in the world understood exactly how you felt, it was Aslaug "I truly do, Hvitserk has been talking to me about you, I'm glad you haven't completely cut off communications with my family, we need you"

"Of course" you giggled "Hvitserk is one of my closest friends, and that won't change"

I hope, you thought. You kind of felt very replaceable.

"I'm glad to see you" she repeated, the smile never left her lips "Remember you will always be welcome in our home, Y/N"

"Thank you, Aslaug" you nearly teared up "I think I should go back now..."

"Yeah, go and have fun, dear" she caressed your cheek softly, not even mentioning the people you were with "Goodbye"

"Bye, have a good day" you shot her another wide smile.

______________________________________________

Thora looked impressed when you arrived to the cafeteria with Torvi, Lagertha and Gunhild. She was polite to them, but it was obvious that she was surprised to see you hanging out with them.

'Wow' was the only thing she said once they left, making you promise you'd wear the dress you had bought that morning to the club the night after.

"Don't even mention it" you groaned, rubbing your face as the both of you got ready to start your shift.

"I didn't take you for someone that had brunch with these people" Thora held back a laugh, and you hit her arm playfully.

"They're really nice" you muttered "They're just trying to make me feel better"

"Yeah, they seem nice, but... Are you sure you fit in that group, Y/N?" She raised an eyebrow "Don't get offended, but I never pictured you in there"

"No, I don't" you sighed "As I'm seeing Alfred now, I suppose they see me like one of them"

"You're seeing..."

"Not like that" you glared at her "Shut up, we're just friends"

This time she didn't hold back the laugh.

"I went on a date with Hvitserk" she cleared her throat, and you looked up at her again, interested.

"And?"

"Nothing, he's just not my type" she shrugged, making you groan.

"He likes you, I know it" you winked at her.

Thora shook her head.

"Hvitserk is the kind of man that likes everyone" she laughed "It's okay, he's nice and fun, but not what I'm looking for... I have another date tonight, though, with a guy I met on Tinder"

"You're on Tinder?" You frowned as you kept drying the coffee cups.

"Yes, and you should too" she giggled when you widened your eyes at her "Come on, Y/N, you're young, hot and cute, stop thinking about a boy that didn't appreciate you, you deserve to spend your nights having orgasms, not chocolate ice-cream"

"But I like chocolate ice-cream" you muttered.

"More than orgasms?" She chuckled, and just when you were about to answer, she interrupted you "Don't answer, you're weird" she rolled her eyes.

Hvitserk surprised you at the end of your shift with a bag full of beers. He had brought his car and offered you a late night with beer, chips and reality shows. As it was probably the best plan you could have, you said yes, and opened one of the beers even before entering the car. You saw Hvitserk glance at Thora as she stayed to close the cafeteria and wait for her date, chatting with a girl she knew from university that visited her at work.

"You should work a bit for it" you said, raising an eyebrow at him as he drove to your home with a poker face.

"She's not interested" he shrugged. As Hvitserk wasn't used to having girls reject him, it had hurt his pride.

"But you can make her interested if you do things right" you chuckled "You Lothbrok boys are always waiting for girls battling their eyelashes at you"

Hvitserk laughed.

"You're right, what can I say? I'm surprised you didn't battle your eyelashes at me yet"

"I was busy with your brother, Hvitty" you giggled "Until he got tired of me"

Hvitserk's smile faded slowly, and as soon as he could, he put his hand on your thigh, turning to look at you.

"How are you, Y/N?"

"I'm fine, it's okay" you muttered, shrugging "I saw your mother today"

"Yeah she told me" he nodded, his attention back to the road "She also asked me not to say anything to Ivar" he sighed "It's because she doesn't like Freydis, she came home for dinner the other day and I could swear she would have loved to sink the knife on her neck" he held back a smile.

God, you loved Aslaug.

"Why? What happens with Freydis that no one likes her?" You asked, curious.

"You've seen them together, haven't you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, briefly... Alfred and I left immediately, I barely talked to them"

"Ivar is infatuated with her" he sighed "He's lost his mind, Y/N, he's not even rational now, his whole world is Freydis, it's not love, it's... I'm worried about him" he frowned "He's changing, he can't see anything past her"

"Have you tried to talk to him? Maybe he needs a bit of big brother guidance"

"I can't talk to him, he's... He doesn't listen. No matter what I tell him, he doesn't trust me"

"Ivar has a hard time trusting people" you said softly "Maybe..."

"Don't defend him" he glared at you "I know what you mean, but he's known her for a few months, Y/N, and he's pushing away every single person that was important to him, he's not even going to physical therapy anymore"

You frowned a bit. Ivar hated therapy, but he always understood he needed to do it. Suddenly you felt the need of texting him.

"Stop worrying about him, Y/N" Hvitserk narrowed his eyes "It's my job to worry about him because he's my little brother, but you can forget about him now"

When you arrived home, Hvitserk went directly to the kitchen to heat up the sandwiches you had taken from the cafeteria and put the beers in the fridge as you entered your bedroom, sighing tiredly.

"I'm going to take a shower" you raised your voice, and after Hvitserk hummed, probably with his mouth full of food, you entered the bathroom, closing the door and taking off your clothes.

The warm water relaxed your body and you were able to finally stop thinking, leaving your mind completely blank.

It didn't last, though.

As soon as you left the shower, you unlocked your phone, looking for Ivar's contact. The last text messages you had exchanged were from the last days of your relationship. Ivar didn't like to text, so he usually only replied with monosyllables and then called you to hear your voice, but in those last weeks he hadn't even replied. In that moment, you had tried to convince yourself that it was normal, that he might hadn't feel like texting you, but then he had broken up with you. Scrolling down the messages, you could tell exactly the day he had realized he wasn't in love with you anymore -if he had ever been in love, which you started to doubt-. You let your throat ache and a couple of tears run down your cheek before wiping them away and writing the message you had in mind.

Hi Ivar. Are you okay?

You didn't think he'd reply. But after hearing people saying how weird Ivar was acting (even more than the usual) and how Freydis had changed him, you started to wonder if he was okay. No matter how much he hurt you, he was still someone you cared deeply about.

A knock on the bathroom door startled you.

"Y/N? Are you alive?" Hvitserk sounded a bit worried as he knocked on the door. You cleared your throat and dried the few tears on your face.

"Yes! Sorry! I'll be out in five!"

____________________________________

The beers didn't last as long as you thought. It was past midnight when Hvitserk convinced you to open the bottle of vodka you had bought months ago and already forgot why.

It resulted on a blurry night, as the both of you started feeling more and more happy, you watched stupid movies and laughed at them. You forgot about Ivar, the text and the ache in your chest. Hvitserk was the only one that could make you forget everything and laugh so much.

"Come on, that never happens" Hvitserk groaned, rubbing his eyes with his voice already a bit unsteady. The brothers had a high alcohol tolerance, but Hvitserk was always the one that got drunk first "The girl never runs back to us, we're the ones that have to chase them"

You giggled drunkenly, hitting his arm.

"Yeah, we have to make you work for it"

He rolled his eyes, drinking directly from the bottle now.

"It's always easier to go out to a pub and have sex with another girl"

You giggled again. For some reason, every single thing he said felt like the funniest thing ever.

"Yeah, we can do that too" you smirked "For example, as you don't want to work for Thora, she's now out on a date and probably having sex with another guy while you're in my apartment getting drunk and criticizing terrible movies... Who's losing now?" You raised an eyebrow, smiling in victory. Hvitserk frowned and glared at you as you laid back on the couch.

"Are you saying I should go out and find someone to have sex with?"

"No" you giggled "I'm saying you should call Thora tomorrow"

"Anyway" he scoffed again "You should be the one going out to have sex"

"Me?" You laughed "Why?"

"When was the last time you had an orgasm, Y/N?"

You closed your eyes and pressed your fingers against your temple. It was hard to think when you had that... Noise in your head.

"I can't remember" you muttered "Probably before..." You hummed. He knew what you meant.

"What?" He widened his eyes, and his jaw dropped "It's been months, Y/N, what the hell?" He groaned "You didn't even touch yourself?"

You were so drunk that you didn't even flinch at his question.

"I don't have time for that" you frowned.

"Well, now I know why you're always pouting and looking like a lost puppy"

You opened your eyes to glare at him, even if you only saw a blurry bulge on the other side of your couch.

"I don't pout" you scoffed "And I'm just not ready to get to know someone new, Hvitty"

"You don't have to know them, you just need to fuck them" he shrugged "It works, you know, it helps to move on... In fact, this is what you should do; you should go out, pick someone, take them to my flat and fuck them on Ivar's bed"

You couldn't help the burst of laugher that brought tears to your eyes. Hvitserk looked amused.

"I'm serious, that should teach that asshole a fucking lesson, he needs it"

"I miss him" you muttered when the laughter died down "I texted him"

You couldn't see it, but Hvitserk sighed and rubbed his eyes. He moved then, startling you when he laid down next to you, hugging you softly. It made you smile.

"You need to stop, Y/N" he whispered then, and the lump in the throat came back "You really need to move on, you're amazing, and there's so many people in the world that deserves you much more than my stupid brother"

"I know" you sighed "But I want him"

Hvitserk hummed. He knew the feeling. He also knew you'd get over it, with time, but now it was difficult.

"That's why you need to go out there and enjoy your youth, Y/N" he drank from the bottle again, making you laugh "Get drunk, have sex and stop living like you're fifty and getting over your second divorce"

"Sounds easy when you say it" you giggled turning around to face him.

"You just need to do it" he muttered. Your eyelids already felt heavy, and when you opened your eyes, you saw Ivar. You didn't even know why, Ivar and Hvitserk didn't really look alike, but in that moment you saw him, his deep blue eyes staring at you, his pouty lips, his cute nose... Even that nervous expression he had whenever the two of you were alone. Your heart started beating faster and faster, and you felt his arms around you. You could even smell him. Oh, gods, you missed him so much. You would give anything, your own life, just to be able to kiss him again, even if it was for the last time.

So you just leant in and kissed him.

He kissed you back, but that kiss didn't feel like Ivar's... This one was much more rushed, it was good but... It lacked Ivar's passion and intensity. It wasn't the same.

Anyway, you kept kissing him, as his hands roamed up and down your body. You might knew you were kissing Hvitserk, but decided to ignore it. Maybe he was right and you just needed someone to move on.

_______________________________________

Ivar just glared at his phone. He had been glaring at it for the past two hours, since Freydis left, saying she was meeting some friends that night. Then he checked his phone and he nearly dropped it when he saw your name on his screen. Why were you texting him now? He thought you hated him. It was easier that way.

He rubbed his face, groaning and laying back on his bed. His legs hurt so much that day... No matter how many painkillers he had taken, how much he rested. He was feeling like someone just ran over him with a truck.

Hvitserk didn't come home either. Not that it made a difference. The long nights they spent drinking cheap beer and talking about family and life were long forgotten. They weren't as close now. He was probably fucking someone he just met, or getting drunk. Did he mention he'd go to your house to see you? Maybe. Ivar had stopped listening whenever your name came up, trying to avoid that rage he felt the last time he saw you, getting all cozy and giggly with Alfred. The fucking Alfred.

You always insisted he was only a friend, but he knew better, if he hadn't left you for Freydis, you'd probably have ended up leaving him for Alfred. He was better for you anyway.

Hi Ivar. Are you okay?

Why did you care? Were you thinking about him and suddenly wanted to know if he was okay? Did anyone say anything to you?

He had to hold back a smile when he saw your profile picture. It was you in Iceland, hugging one of the huskies Floki had on his house in Skógar. Freki, the husky you had fallen in love with, was infatuated with you, too, and Ivar found very amusing how he would follow you anywhere, trying to get your attention. It reminded him of himself, actually, annoyed when you diverted your attention to something that wasn't him. Ivar had a serious talk with the dog, explaining him that he wasn't allowed to get into bed with you, let alone cuddle you in your sleep, the only living being that could do that was Ivar.

He took that picture one morning you decided to take Freki for a walk. The husky had been so excited to see you that he had knocked you down to the floor, making you laugh. The picture had you looking at the camera, hugging Freki as he tried to lick your cheek.

When he locked his phone again, the warm tingling on his chest disappeared. It made him sigh, closing his eyes. Freydis was perfect, wasn't she? She was beautiful, sweet, she loved him. She made him understand he was special, that he needed no one but her.

She was perfect. She was the one, and she loved him as much as he did, she always said it. At least a few times a day, she smiled sweetly and said that she loved him, so that meant she loved him, right? You didn't say it that much. But then again, you would have never left him alone knowing he was in pain.

Shaking his head, he unlocked his phone again and wrote a quick text.

Yeah, thanks.

Then he deleted your number. He didn't want to see that photo with Freki, smiling at him, he didn't want to think about you or about what you would have done. You weren't part of his life anymore.

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @gruffle1 @justacripple @love-dria @heartbeats-wildly @letsrunawaytotomorrow @inforapound @sallydelys @hellogabysblog @hecohansen31 @youbloodymadgenius @xinyourdreamsx @funmadnessandbadassvikings @eteramfools @tgrrose @flokidottirsstuff @lovessce @tootie-fruity @didiintheblog @alexhandersenx @belovedcherry @fantasydevil2002 @xceafh @astrape-the-weatherwitch @destynelseclipsa @poisonous00 @littlebear423 @xbellaxcarolinax @soleil-dor @geekydane-post @katarokkar11 @crackhead1-800

I hope I didn’t forget anyone :( if I did please tell me

#ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #modern ivar #vikings #vikings imagine #modern vikings

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laddieseddiemunster · 4 years

Text

The Lost Boys x Insecure S/O

Just a reminder that you’re beautiful :)

Sorry for not posting for like a week! Ive been really busy :/

David

saying david is intimidating is an understatement. when the two of you locked eyes at the boardwalk he knew you were the one. he felt it in his non-beating heart that you were his mate. when he came up to you and attempted to win you over let’s just say it was a bit overwhelming. the leader of the feared biker gang on the boardwalk was talking to you. and not only talking, but even trying to give you a ride home. david noticed right away that you were a bit shy, but most girls are when they first meet him. david didn’t have to read your mind to know that you were a bit self conscious. the way your clothes practically covered your whole body along with your nervousness made him figure it out. no matter how hard you tried to hide it. he thought you were gorgeous but he could tell that you didn’t feel the same way about yourself.

when you two started dating the insecurities started to show more. you hated the way other girls would flirt with david even if he gave them no attention at all. they just looked so beautiful and confident. you couldn’t help but feel like he was out of your league. david was attractive and dangerous, while you were shy and innocent. david knew you didn’t like when other woman would flirt with him, but there wasn’t much he could do. usually he’d let the girls flirt with him and then he’d lead them to the cave and eat them, but he was in a relationship now and he cared deeply about it. all he could do is just ignore them, and kindly show them that he’s taken. he’ll wrap his arm around you to pull you closer, and maybe even give you a kiss on your hand or cheek. if he’s really not in the mood to deal with other woman then he’ll give you a kiss on the neck.

when you drop the news that you’re a bit self conscious it didn’t surprise him. it was just a matter of time before you confirmed his theory. his reaction was pretty normal. he just nodded and treated you the same way he always did. david can sometimes be a little insecure himself. he hasn’t been able to see his reflection in decades, so he can’t tell if he’s good looking or not. unlike paul who doesn’t give a shit if he looks bad, david would actually prefer to know what he looks like. it’s hard for him to remember what exactly he used to look like before he turned. he won’t ever admit or tell you that he’s a little self conscious though. david isn’t one to give a lot of compliments, but he starts to give more when he finds out about your lack of self esteem. he loves it when you give him complements yet he won’t act like it. he’ll just nod and give a quick “thank you”, but in the inside he took that compliment to heart.

Dwayne

since dwayne is pretty quiet he knew he’d have to step out of his comfort zone in order to win you over. he could tell by the way you dressed and acted that you were a little on the less confident side. you didn’t walk like you were confident you walked as if you were hiding behind people. dwayne decided to make the first move when you walked into max’s video store. he gave you some recommendations and offered to get you something to eat. you blushed and gave him a quick nod and that’s where it all started. dwayne found your shyness adorable and it made him feel terrible that you thought so down upon yourself. he hates seeing you get all sad when another girl makes passes at him. he doesn’t want them. he wants you. only you. every time that happens he wraps his arms around you to show them that he has no interest in them, but the look in your eyes when it happens breaks his heart.

when you two are alone he’ll shower you with affection. he wants you to know that he thinks you’re beautiful, and no one else’s opinion matters. he’ll cuddle you and let you vent about anything you’d like and he’ll listen to everything you’re saying. dwayne won’t pressure you into changing your style. if you feel comfortable wearing clothes that cover you then he doesn’t mind. he wishes you loved your body, but he never wants to make you feel uncomfortable. dwayne will get rid of every magazine that has woman modeling in it, so you don’t compare yourself to them. (except paul’s playboys because he can’t get rid of those). he wants you to feel confident in your own skin and magazines aren’t going to help. he’s not a huge fan of pda, but if it makes you more comfortable than he’ll pull you close to let you know that he loves you.

dwayne insecurities rarely show, but they’re there. like david, dwayne wishes he could still have his reflection when he looks into a mirror. it’s a little depressing when he looks into a mirror and nothing looks back. he’s learned to stay away from mirrors as much as possible. so if neither of you like mirrors he’ll get rid of any that are in sight. dwayne is quiet but not because he’s insecure, he’s just a quiet person. he prefers to let the other boys do the talking. the only problem is sometimes he’s a little overlooked. girls sometimes don’t talk to him since he’s quiet, and they’ll talk to marko or paul instead. it rarely gets on his nerves, but sometimes he wishes paul wouldn’t steal all the woman. dwayne most likely won’t tell you about his insecurities. mainly because he likes to keep it to himself. he doesn’t want you to worry about him when you’re already down about yourself.

Paul

when paul sees something he wants, he’s going to get it. there’s no question about it. and the thing he wanted was you, and he wasn’t going to stop until he had you. paul approached you and started throwing out the list of pickup lines he always uses (clearly a majority of them are dirty) and he’d always chuckle at your reactions. the other guys didn’t understand why you accepted when he asked to take for a ride, but you did. that was the start of your relationship with paul. instead of killing you he thought you were adorable and decided to keep you. paul didn’t catch on to your low self esteem until you told him. when you did he was shocked. he doesn’t understand why you don’t find yourself beautiful while he finds you absolutely drop dead gorgeous. paul eventually put the pieces together and realized that it made sense. you wore clothes that covered your whole body, you were really shy, and you couldn’t stand going into clothing stores. now it all makes sense.

it hurts paul in the inside whenever he sees you look at the other girls on the boardwalk and frown. in his eyes you’re way more beautiful than the girls you wished you were. he just wished you could see what he sees. paul’s always gonna tell you that you’re beautiful no matter how many times you tell him to stop. the only time paul ever tried to change your wardrobe was the time he realized how insecure you actually were. you refused to me wear anything revealing claiming it’d make you uncomfortable. paul got a little disappointed, but for once he didn’t argue. he just nodded his head and didn’t ask again. he wished you changed your wardrobe so he could show everyone how beautiful you were, and that you were his and only his. if anyone pokes fun at you he won’t beat them up, but you just chose his dinner. and he will make them pay. (basically by torturing them to death and then he’ll eat them).

paul isn’t really insecure about his looks. he knows there is no point in worrying about how he looks when he can’t even see his reflection. as long as you find him attractive then he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. the only opinion that matters to him is yours everybody else can screw off. the only thing he’s a little self conscious about is his personality. sometimes he wonders if he talks too much, or if he’s just not fun to be around. he worry’s that you dont love him as much as he loves you. he’s pretty emotional sometimes and starts to overthink. he’s been broken hearted before, so he has a hard time with commitment. he also worries that he might not be good enough for you. even if you don’t think you’re beautiful he thinks you’re an angel, and he’s just a immature vampire that doesn’t deserve you. of course that’s not true, but sometimes paul needs some reassurance.

Marko

when marko spotted you on the boardwalk he knew you weren’t going to be a meal. he spotted you when he was out getting chinese food for the guys. you were by yourself sitting at one of the tables while he was in line, but you weren’t eating. instead of getting his food and leaving, he got the food and decided to sit himself right in front of you. who care if the other guys get hungry? not him. your cheeks turned red when you noticed he sat right in front of you. he introduced himself and asked what a pretty girl like you was doing alone in a chinese place. your cheeks flushed again from the complement and it didn’t go unnoticed. marko being marko pointed it out just to make you more nervous. when he finally got your name he offered to give you a ride home, and he was over the moon. on the inside. you were his mate and he knew it. marko didn’t realize how self conscious you were. he just thought you were shy.

your insecurities started to show quick. marko noticed a red flag when you refused to eat in a public place with him, or with him at all really. and he thought his eating style was weird. marko doesn’t care if you eat unhealthy, or if you’re vegan. the fact that you didn’t want to eat around him at all was concerning him. he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and eventually he asked you. you explained to marko that it wasn’t him, it was the fact that you were uncomfortable eating around other people. especially people you knew. marko understood right away that it was an insecurity. it also made sense since all you wore were clothes that’d cover your whole body. marko told you that he doesn’t think you’re overweight or underweight, he thinks you’re beautiful just the way you are. he knew that just saying that might not get you to open up right away, but he was willing to wait.

marko loves the way you look even if you hate it. he likes to talk to you about your insecurities, and he’ll just sit and listen. he doesn’t like to talk about his insecurities especially since there is no way to hide his. marko wishes he was a little bit taller and not known as “the little one”. he’s gotten used to the teasing from the other guys, but that doesn’t mean it’s going unnoticed. being the shortest in the gang isn’t easy for marko. knowing that some girls that are taller than him won’t always go for him bums him out. if you’re shorter than him then he’s getting rid of any shoes that have heels, so you can’t look taller. you basically have to reassure each other that you’re both perfect just the way you are. marko doesn’t get too many compliments, so if you give him one he’s taking it to heart. if anyone makes fun of you on the boardwalk they’re getting beat up. marko will have his fists ready. unless its a girl. then he’ll just kill her later.

#the lost boys #the lost boys david #the lost boys dwayne #the lost boys paul #the lost boys marko #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys 1987 #frog brothers #david the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #paul the lost boys #marko the lost boys

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nothing-at-the-moment · 4 years

Text

Rewrite The Stars IV

“Thank you for helping me with Alchemy last night.”

It was a Saturday morning. A much needed break from all the mounting homework the students of Hogwarts had been put through.

Y/N, Remus, Sirius and Peter were sitting in the great hall eating breakfast when Remus was left speechless at the claim made at him.

He raised a suspicious brow to his soulmate and thought back to the events of last night.

He had talked to her till midnight before retiring to his bed while James and Sirius had been awake till early hours of the morning. Sirius had slept at two but James was awake till around three in the morning. Nobody knows how Sirius is still chipper after getting barely four hours of sleep while James was still in the Gryffindor dormitory sleeping off his tiredness after his late night adventures.

“I really appreciate you staying awake just to help me with the fucking gold spell.”, Y/N said with an exhausted strain in her voice which she tried to drown out by tilting her head back to finish the last bits of her morning coffee.

Sirius watched the interaction with great curiosity while Peter slept with his head on the table. There’s no concept like enough sleep for that boy.

“…I don’t take Alchemy. I opted out of it at the start of the year.”, Remus said cautiously as he could suspect something was wrong.

Sirius’s eyes widened.

“That can’t be possible. You helped me last night with the gold spell. You helped me. We were talking through our thoughts. You helped me complete the Alchemy homework.” Y/N’s voice grew more confused and loud with every word.

This can’t be happening. Her soulmate had stayed up with late at night till three in the morning helping her with Alchemy. And he seemed quite brilliant at the subject.

“Holy Shit…”, Sirius exclaimed with widened eyes and an even wider open mouth.

Remus looked over at Sirius with horror. Sirius’s head whipped frantically from side to side looking at both their expressions. Y/N looked like she hadn’t quite comprehended what this means and was still trying to process. Remus looked absolutely devastated. He looked like he was on the verge of crying with tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.

It’s like the whole Great Hall grew silent while the chatters and the occasional laugh still drifted through the room. Remus and Y/N were completely silent while all the noises; thud of footsteps, the constantly growing chatter around them, clanking of spoons and forks on plates, slurping of tea and coffee, even the mere sound of gulping, the sound of everyone happy became too overbearing as they came to terms with their sudden realization.

They were not soulmates.

Remus started sweating as he couldn’t sit between the continuous commotion and felt claustrophobic with the crowds around him. His breaths came out quick and heavy as he processed the thought in his mind and his throat closed up. Everything was becoming too hot around him and he couldn’t breathe.

Y/N, in complete contrast, had lost all sense of warmth from the happy and bright sunshine and lazy hue that entered the Great Hall through the big windows on either sides of the room. She felt goose bumps run up her arms and couldn’t help but shiver at the sudden emptiness. It was like she had been hollowed out in a few mere seconds. Her throat too closed up but she didn’t care right now to breathe. If you don’t watch closely at her every slight movement, you could see she was barely breathing.

Her eyes refused to blink while Remus’s blinked rapidly trying to make sense of the abrupt halt in his life.

Both their wrist’s tingled.

Remus’s jerked his head to look at the thoughts of his soulmate hoping against hope that it wasn’t true, hoping that his wrist hadn’t displayed in thick black cursive, just the words ‘Good Morning.’

Y/N still couldn’t muster up the courage to look at her wrist, afraid of what she might find.

Sirius quickly glanced at her wrist to find a stick figure of a tall boy high in the clouds on his latest model of broomstick.

Figures only appeared to show what the soulmate was dreaming of while asleep.

“I need to go.” Y/N simply said with her voice barely above a whisper. She quickly scrambled awkwardly to get up and swiftly made her way out of the room.

Tear pooled at the corner of her eyes as she took a quick glance at Remus and left without another word. She had just started to calm down when her wrist tingled again. She couldn’t bear to look at it now. All those thoughts, all those late night talks which she treasured like an unspoken secret, all the love and warmth she felt from Remus and all the smiles his absurd but intelligent thoughts brought to her lips, had all been someone else’s.

She should’ve known. Remus wasn’t ever interested in Quidditch the least bit. He wasn’t always thinking of crazy pranks to pull up on Professor Flitwick. He wasn’t ever the cheesiest person to exist, showing her dreams of running away together and thinking way far into the future.

Remus’s love was more warm and calm and soothing. Her soulmate’s was anything but.

Her soulmate’s love was probably the most chaotic, cheesiest, dramatic, arrogant and obnoxious. Her soulmate’s love was crazy and she reveled in the insanity.

She ran all the way to the courtyard where it had started raining. Of course it would start raining. Her life hasn’t been anything but cliché ever since she came back to school this year.

She wanted her soulmate. She wanted all of him. All the crazy thoughts brewing in his mastermind, all his quirks which she were sure he has, all the cheesy pick-up lines he used on her, all the promises he made her, all the flaws she had noticed he has, all the arrogance which reflected on her wrist when he thought about how good he looked in the mirror at early morning, all the early morning thoughts because she knew her soulmate was an early riser, all the late nights because she knew he was also a night owl.

She wanted to be there with him when he ate potato crisps that he had snuck from the kitchen under his blanket from one of his late night ventures. She wanted to be there with him and for him when he was constantly worried about his friends like he was mother. She wanted to be there with him when he got all excited from getting all O’s in his exams. She wanted to be there with him when he got all pouty and sad because he had no cuddle buddy and his friends refused to cuddle with him.

She wanted to be there with him.

But now she was back to square one.

She laid down on the grass completely drenched from the rain and closed her eyes as she let herself feel the rain drops calm her down and mix with her tears. She lay completely still, in the middle of the courtyard and thought of all she could’ve had with Remus but fate had pulled her golden strings.

James Potter was walking groggily to the Great Hall before he missed breakfast. He had slept in after helping his soulmate with Alchemy till three in the morning.

A smile came on to his face as he thought of how awkward she had been with him the whole night but immediately turned into a complete ray of sunshine when at exactly two minutes past three, she had finally mastered the gold spell.

He was walking past the courtyard but then he saw a figure lying unmoving in the middle of the grass. He pushed his crooked glasses up his nose and focused on the figure trying to figure out why a person would be lying outside on grass unmoving while it was raining and they could get sick.

Are they hurt? Are they dead?!

With not a second thought about him getting drenched, he rushed towards the figure and immediately sank to his knees besides them. It was Y/N. He looked around reluctantly as if the air around him would tell him why Y/N L/N was lying unmoving in the rain.

Gulping down his animosity, he erratically rattled her shoulders and pulled her head on to his lap while trying to wake her up.

Y/N immediately sat up and looked around frantically before her eyes landed on James.

“What the fuck?! What did you do that for?” She shrugged his hands of her shoulders and stared wide eyed at him.

“Don’t ‘What the fuck’ me. What the fuck were you doing lying in the rain? i thought you were hurt. I thought you were dead!” He shouted at her still trying to wrap his mind around what just happened.

He was completely drenched by now and the thin white shirt he was wearing didn’t help much in hiding his well-built physique. Years of Quidditch had done him good and puberty had been very kind on him.

Then it registered to her that she was talking to James Potter and a whole new wave of emotions came over her because she remembered that he was Remus’s best friend.

A fresh set of tears rolled down her cheeks at the mere thought of Remus and James could see that the sudden redness that took over eyes and the water running down her cheeks was not because of the rain.

His eyes met hers reluctantly because James doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions much rather anyone else’s. Certainly not someone’s who despised him and he despised back.

“A-Are you okay…? Do you need me to get Remus?” That certainly didn’t help the girl in front of him in anyway as a sob escaped her lips.

“No…,” she whimpered and cried harder.

James panicked.

“Okay! Okay…no Moony. No Remus. We don’t want Remus. That’s completely alright! Just please stop crying.” He rambled on to try to make her calm down as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders hesitantly to keep both of them warm but also a little because he wanted to comfort her in any way he can.

Both of them were completely drenched but none of them cared.

One was a sobbing mess as she just wanted the rain to wash away all her sorrows and pain. Such excruciating pain.

The other had nothing in his mind other than the need to comfort her. He didn’t know why he was there basically drowning in the rain and quite probably catching a cold for a girl he had hated for so long. He just couldn’t bear to see her cry. It hurt him to see this strong, always happy, always challenging, complete ray of sunshine girl look so broken, so small. So he didn’t care if he was completely drenched, he didn’t care if he was going to be sick for a week after this, he didn’t care that the breakfast he was rushing to had already ended, and he didn’t care she hated him and he hated her. Because she was crying and broken in his arms and she needs him and damn it all if he wasn’t going to be there for her.

James was still awkwardly holding her when the rain had slowed to a quite drizzle as the tears on her cheeks dried and the sobs turned into whimpers. He hesitantly looked into her swollen bloodshot eyes and carefully asked her, “How’re we feeling now?” She replied with a broken and twisted forced smile. “I’m alright now. I’m sorry for being so dramatic. I was just really stressed.” She gave him a half smile while his face turned into a comforting wide grin.

“You call this stressed? You call this dramatic? Here’s a fun fact; Octopuses eat themselves when they’re stressed. They just go complete cannibal on themselves. Now that’s dramatic. Sirius not letting us touch his hair because and I quote, ‘Your filthy hands don’t deserve me and my hair’. That’s dramatic. This? This is just a good ole cry. Letting out frustrations. Don’t worry about it. Happens to all of us.” James was trying to make her laugh because that’s all he wanted to see in her eyes and on her lips right now. But she just stared at him with a blank face.

“Who told you that?” she whispered.

“Well, Sirius reminds us on a daily basis. Never stops really. We once touched his hair while he was asleep and he-“

“No, the octopus fact. Who told you that?”

“Oh. Um, my soulmate. She’s always telling me these random animal and magical creature facts. Like how lobsters can live forever. How crazy and easy it is to breed a basilisk even though it’s illegal. She even dreams of them. She once had a dream she was riding through a forest on a unicorn while being chased by a giant. She told me once that she wants to be a magizoologist. I just know she’s going to be wonderful, whenever I meet her.” A smile adorned his lips as he talked lovingly about his soulmate.

He talked about her like she was the most precious thing in the whole universe. And to him, she was.

While on the other hand, Y/N’s world was crashing down around her and she stared at him talk about his soulmate perplexed.

The thing was that she already knew that octopuses eat themselves when they get stressed. It was not that long ago she had found that out and had excitedly told her soulmate. She had told her soulmate about how lobsters can live forever. She had told her soulmate how to breed a basilisk. She had dreamed just a few days ago of riding a unicorn while being chased by a giant. She had told her soulmate she wanted to be a magizoologist.

It was just a coincidence, right?

She suddenly became really aware of how she was still sitting between James’s arms. How his fingers were unconsciously drawing doodles on her back. How close her face was to his.

She abruptly pushed herself out of his arms. He gave her a confused look before realizing the compromising position they had been in just mere second ago. His whole face lit up red like a lantern.

All of it was too much for Y/N to handle. And she could certainly not wrap her head around her thoughts of the sudden realization when James was looking so adorable with his flaming cheeks, ears and neck.

So, she did the only thing she could possibly do right now.

She ran.

She ran out of the courtyard and out of his sight without another word or even a glance, leaving him sitting by himself on the grass in the middle of the courtyard.

His gaze followed her until she was out of sight.

“A thank you would’ve been nice,” James grumbled to himself as he stood up.

“Thank you James for being there for me and sorry for making you completely wet and missing your breakfast.” He said to himself in a high pitched girly voice before realizing his words and blushing again.

“Merlin help Moony.”

#James Potter #james potter imagines #james potter x reader #james potter soulmate au #hufflepuff!reader #soulmate au #wizarding world #the marauders #marauders era #Remus Lupin #sirius black #james potter fanfictions

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cabbageskull · 3 years

Text

[personal /vent/ post has to do w/ self shipping throughout it]

[TICS & AUTISTIC MELTDOWN MENTION]

ive been finding it hard to accept and love myself as an autistic person. i have issues with seeing myself in a living relationship because i am so much to deal with and handle. My coping is self-shipping but i always hurt my own feelings for the sake of staying 'true' to the character & making them not like me bc of my visible symptoms, though in reality i think the characters would actually be a lot more accepting than im allowing myself to lead on.

Example; i keep telling myself Toki would get annoyed with me and end up breaking up with me because of my hypersensitivity to many things, and in reality he wouldn't. I feel like he'd understand the hypersensitivity to things, he wouldnt b misunderstanding he'd probably just ask questions abt it and why it happens or what triggers it! he'd try to be as understanding as possible, i mean yeah sometimes it might get on his nerves but it wouldnt happen to often.

I think of a lot of scenarios like that! some of them i end up hurting my own feelings but usually they end up rlly cute :D

heres one! (i always view them as an episode)

Toki and i go to a festival to get away from the studio bc the band was being mean n toki was getting sad abt it. We're having fun and genuinely enjoying are time, winning games, going on rides, and overall hanging out. When then a fan points out that toki is here and people start yelling and fans collected together and are trying to get them to get his autograph. i put my hands over my ears and hum to myself and huddle close to him as he's trying to politely (more so awkwardly..) get peoole to shoo away so we could just have a fun time. I start getting overwhelmed so i tug on his shirt before becoming more visibly uncomfortable (shaking, tearing up, breathing pace heightens, etc.) he goes into his rage & yells at the fans to back the fuck up so we can have some space. He protects me as we walk back to the deth transport (lol idk what he'd ride in to go to the festival) and we sit together and listen to music while i calm down!

its as simple as that! its nothing it harsh or anything to deal with. maybe my tics would throw him off his swing every once n a while but its nothing bad! and when i get distant and not so talkative we can still bond! we can build models together or create some sort of art, like draw or make dice sets or wtv! we can still do things without me needing to talk! and i think thats what i need to drill into my brain, is taht he won't hurt me/be hurt if i have an autistic breakdown. Rather, he'd understand and b willing to wait it out with me/comfort me through it :)

thats how a lot of them would b ngl. they all may not b super aware of it though i think they'd all be accepting! they'd just b a little confused abt what is going on and needing to be reassured that theyre doing the right thing (murderface might b a little more difficult but thats for l8r disscussion )

#dethklok #metalocalypse #self insert #toki wartooth #self ship #actually autistic #autistic #tics mention

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musecharm-writes · 3 years

Text

Curiosity Killed the Cat Burglar (Tony Stark X Reader)

ANONYMOUS: You write for marvel? Awesome! Ive always wondered ehat would happen if someone tried to reverse engineer one of Tony's suits just for curiosity instead of evil or money... could you write something where Tony finds reader doing something like that? Thanks!!

Summary: You’ve been training yourself for months for this mission (not even counting the time you’d spent learning all the skills you would need in order to even make it a possibility), and now you’re finally here, so close to what you’ve been waiting for for so long…it almost feels too easy.

You’ve been training yourself for months for this mission (not even counting the time you’d spent learning all the skills you would need in order to even make it a possibility), and now you’re finally here, so close to what you’ve been waiting for for so long… it almost feels too easy.

You’d spent weeks perfecting the software that let you into the Stark Industries mainframe so you could access the blueprints of the ventilation system. You’d taken great lengths to memorise the layout; you could recreate the map flawlessly if called upon to do so. You’d made a backup plan for absolutely anything and everything that could possibly go wrong.

And now that it’s working, it just doesn’t feel right.

As you slip into the elevator, pressing the button that will take you to the floor housing Stark’s workshop with a gloved hand, you have the distinct sensation of being watched. You send an uneasy glance around the elevator and are unable to detect any cameras, but you’re well aware that means nothing; there could be thermal scanners, pressure pads, or even something as simple as hidden cameras in the walls or ceiling. Stark is as sneaky as he is clever, and you’re the last one to underestimate him.

He is your hero, after all.

The elevator doesn’t make a sound as it reaches the workshop floor, nor as the doors open with a smooth glide, and it’s equal parts unnerving and impressive. You don’t waste time studying the elevator, though; you leave the elevator car, creeping down the hall until you come to a wall of glass.

All that’s between you and your goal now are a keypad and a shatterproof glass door.

You pull the hacking device you custom built and programmed from your belt and attach it to the keypad. Numbers scroll across the screen until, finally, the security code is displayed in blinking green.

You grin in satisfaction and press the appropriate numbers. The door opens.

You’re in.

You stalk into the darkened shop, padding across the floor without making a sound. You reach up and pull down a pair of homebrew infrared goggles.

Let’s see. If I was a super-genius, where would I keep a high-tech, flying suit of armour?

You see some display cases on the other end of the room -- you’re unsurprised to see that Stark preserves his old suits, considering how attached he seems to be to them -- and are preparing to search for the mechanism that will open the cases, but it’s not necessary; there’s a half-assembled suit laid out on one of the work benches, as though its owner left in the middle of performing repairs on it.

Jackpot! You hadn’t dared hope you would get this lucky; the newest model of the Iron Man suit, just laying there in the open, completely unguarded? This is better than anything you could’ve dreamed of!

You approach the workbench, stepping over and around other half-complete projects that Stark has left scattered around. There are what you assume to be deactivated automated assistants, too, arm-like structures with claw shaped grasping appendages on the ends.

Under different circumstances, you would love to stick around and see what this place looks like when it’s up and running at full capacity. You bet it’s amazing.

You shake those thoughts from your head. Focus on the task at hand, you remind yourself. Your window is incredibly small.

You carefully open the faceplate of the helmet and search for a data upload terminal. Once you’ve found it, you pull your scanner from your belt and attach it to the terminal, activating it. Your heart flutters giddily. You’re so close.

And then, a voice says, “Right, I think I’ve let this go a little too far. JARVIS, lights.”

The lights slowly start to come up. You hastily remove your goggles and turn to find none other than Tony Stark standing at the far end of the room.

He smiles and waves shortly. “Hi. I’d introduce myself, but,” he swirls his finger in a circle, “seeing as we’re here, I’m pretty sure it’s not necessary.”

You’re completely dumbfounded. You have no idea what to do, what to say -- how do you explain yourself?

You came up with a plan for every scenario, except for the one where you got caught.

“Uh,” you begin, “I… I don’t… I mean, I’m not-- It’s not--”

“You, on the other hand, have some serious explaining to do. You could start with who you are, for example, and why you’re in my house, and how in the hell you managed to build a bunch of shit that neutralised my security measures.” He points an accusatory finger at you. “You hacked me. Nobody does that, nobody has ever done that. How did you do that?”

You open and close your mouth, at a total loss for words. “W-Well, um, I… I just did?” It’s a terrible explanation and you know it. You kind of want to dissolve into the floor; this was not how this was supposed to go, not at all.

Stark looks incredulous. “You… just did. Huh. Okay. Well, I just thought I’d let you know I went along with this little charade because, if we’re being honest, I found the concept of someone smart enough to hack Stark Industries enticing. I figured I’d just wait and see where you were going with it. But, since you were just after the suit -- totally boring motivation, by the way, that’s been done like a thousand times by now, what is it, money or power? -- I’m gonna have to see you out now.” He pulls out a wafer-thin, see through card and taps on it. “Jay, let Happy know we have an interloper on sublevel--”

“Wait!” You cry out. “Wait, please don’t kick me out!”

He looks at you, quirking a brow. “And why should I not?”

You fidget awkwardly, feeling a little stupid in your thief getup. “I… I didn’t want the suit to sell it, or weaponise it, or whatever. I just wanted to see if I could… If I could make one better,” you admit, your face reddening.

Stark is silent for a moment, which you aren’t sure is a good thing. Then, he says, “Huh. Okay,” and the way he says ‘okay’ turns it into a four-syllable word. “So, you broke into my house, disabled all my security, and entered my private workshop without permission… because you were curious?”

You nod, a little embarrassed. “Yeah.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, you know,” he says, with a hint of a smile. “Not so sure about the cat burglar.”

“But satisfaction brought it back,” you retort.

“And you’re feeling satisfied with yourself, are you?”

You shrug, starting to relax as you settle into the rhythm of the banter. “I could be. Depends whether or not you’re planning to call the cops on me.”

The hint of smile turns into an outright grin. “And ruin this thing we’ve got goin’ on? Now, why in the world would I do that?”

You laugh. “...Does this mean I get to look at the suit after all?”

Stark makes a show of considering your request. “We can work up to it,” he says. “After you show me what you’re really capable of.”

You spend what must be hours down in the workshop -- Tony Stark’s workshop! -- shyly explaining how your devices work, and then you move upstairs to the living room and spread out schematics across the table, trying valiantly not to explode on the spot when the guy you’ve had a crush on since you were, like, ten tells you your craftsmanship and code are just about as good as anything he’s ever seen, which is really saying something.

You’re so focused on trying to seem like you don’t care that much about his approval that when he says, “So, hey, how about next week, we meet up somewhere for a little intellectual conversation over coffee?” you nearly miss it. (‘Nearly’ being the operative word, of course.)

“I… What?”

“Unless you don’t like coffee. We could do lunch,” he continues, and somehow, he almost seems as nervous as you were just a moment ago.

The idea of Tony Stark being nervous to ask you for coffee or lunch -- you, of all people -- is laughable, so much so that it sends all your nerves running for the hills.

“Yeah,” you say. “No, I mean, coffee’s fine. I love coffee.”

He nods. “Good. Good, I’ll see you then. Hopefully this time you won’t break into my house beforehand.”

You fluster immediately at that, stammering, and he waves it off.

“Kidding,” he says. “I let you get in, remember? You’re fun, you’re a good,” he waves his hand as if trying to summon the words from nowhere. “Conversationalist. You grok me.”

You nod.

He slaps his knees and clears his throat. “Welp,” he says, standing up, “it’s been fun, but as everyone in my life loves to remind me, I have a company to run, so as much as I would love to spend the rest of the day talking about fun stuff, I sorta can’t. Walk you to the door?”

“Sure.”

He sees you out, reminding you not to forget about your “little rendezvous next week, I’ll pick you up and take you someplace swanky, my treat.”

You don’t feel nervous about it at all. You just met your idol, and all you had to do was break into his house and try to steal the plans for his top-secret superhero suit.

You can’t wait to find out what he wants to talk about next week.

#marvel x reader #marvel reader insert #marvel fanfiction #marvel #iron man x reader #iron man reader insert #iron man #tony stark x reader #tony stark #writing #writing blog #reader insert blog #x reader blog #breaking and entering #burglary #cat burglar #swearing

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reallifesultanas · 3 years

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Portraid of Ahmed I's sons / I. Ahmed szultán fiainak portréi

Ez a portrésorozat nem tartalmazza I. Ahmed három fiát, akikből később szultán lett (II. Oszmán, IV. Murad és I. Ibrahim). A szultánoknak különálló portré készült vagy fog készülni.

This series of portraits do not include the three sons of Ahmed I, who later became sultans (Osman II, Murad IV, and Ibrahim I). Separate portraits have been or will be published for them.

Şehzade Mehmed

Ahmed ascended the throne in December 1603, his first son Osman II was born in November 1604, followed a few months later by Prince Mehmed. Mehmed's mother was Kösem Sultan and he was born in March 1604 in Istanbul. The identity of his mother has long been in question, but nowadays we have evidence that indirectly clarifies that he was born as the son of Kösem Sultan. One such proof is that Kösem Sultan became a Haseki in late 1605 or early 1606, and this would hardly have been possible without a son. Another piece of evidence is an ambassadorial report from 1611/12 that says "The King has two sons, one is seven years old, the other six. His Majesty has three daughters as well, and to him sons are born very often, both for the abundancy of women and both for his youth and prosperity". Simone Contarini, who wrote this understood Osman and Mehmed as the two boys, but the three girls must have been mistaken, as Ahmed had four daughters alive at that time (Ayşe, Gevherhan, Fatma, and Hanzade). Perhaps Contarini only knew about the existence of Ayşe, Fatma, and Hanzade, as they were the children of Kösem Sultan, the famous favorite of Ahmed.

The counter-arguments that Mehmed was not the son of Kösem Sultan have now been overturned. In 1614, Della Valle recorded the second son of Sultan Ahmed as Sehzade Mahmud, which was mistakenly identified with Prince Murad by some. Murad was born in 1612 though. Mahmud was certainly a misunderstood version of Mehmed, not Murad. Another counter-argument was Valier's account of 1615. In that, he wrote that the Sultan not allowing the two older princes near Kösem Sultan, for the Sultan is well aware of Kösem Sultan's ambitions for her own children. Many identified the two princes as princes of Osman and Mehmed, so they though none of them were Kösem's sons. However, it was more likely that Valier meant Mustafa, Ahmed’s brother, and Osman, Ahmed's firstborn son. This is supported in particular by an earlier account of Valier, where he clearly describes that the sultan has four sons, two from the dead sultana and two from the living one. Since Mahfiruze - the mother of Osman - died around 1612, it is clear that she was the dead sultana. Mahfiruze's other son may have been Prince Bayezid, who was born in 1612 soon after Murad, the second son of the living sultana, Kösem.

It can be seen that the counter-arguments are much weaker, so we can say with relative certainty that Prince Mehmed was the firstborn son of Kösem Sultan. Not much is known about Mehmed's childhood. It is known that although they were taught and raised separately with Osman, their teacher was the same Ömer Efendi. Mehmed had joint programs with Osman after 1612 though. Kösem Sultan visited the Old Palace regularly to meet with Safiye Sultan, Ahmed's grandmother, and she regularly took Prince Mehmed with her, and occasionally also Osman. After Ahmed forbade her to spend time with Osman, she probably traveled to the Old Palace with Mehmed and possibly with her daughters or her second oldest son, Murad.

Mehmed's first real public appearance was shortly before his father's death, in 1617. It was then that the mosque complex of Sultan Ahmed was completed. Ahmed took his two oldest sons, Osman and Mehmed, to the opening ceremony. Ahmed died at the end of the year and a chaotic period ensued. The abolition of fratricide has long been a central theme in the Ottoman Empire and although Ahmed himself was against it and he did not execute his brother, Mustafa, he never made a legal decree about the topic. The only chance to save the lives of Mehmed and his younger brothers was to change the succession-system. Kösem Sultan for years tried to convince Ahmed and although she undoubtedly had something to do with Prince Mustafa surviving, after Ahmed’s death she could do nothing. However Haci Mustafa Aga, the chief black eunuch who was in close association with Kösem Sultan, was able to do something. He influenced the divan and ulema to enthrone the oldest living prince and spare the lives of the others. Thus the brother of Ahmed, Mustafa I, was put to the throne, so Mehmed and his brothers were locked up in the harem, but stayed alive.

Little is known about this short period since Mustafa was soon dethroned and Osman was enthroned. It was easy to influence Osman and this often pushed him to make wrong decisions. Osman was not popular, there were no supporters of his, there was no strong mother behind him who would have helped, so he was understandably terrified of Prince Mehmed. Mehmed was only four months younger, but his mother was an extremely popular and influential woman. Kösem Sultan never did anything against Osman, on the contrary, she tried to build a nice relationship and Osman also visited her in the Old Palace regularly. Over time, however, Osman's paranoia grew bigger. In the spring of 1621, he wanted to leave the capital to go on a campaign but was afraid to leave Mehmed in the capital. Osman feared that Kösem Sultan and Mehmed would do something and would enthrone Mehmed while he was at war. The logical step would have been for Osman to take Mehmed with him to the campaign, but Osman wanted a more definitive solution. For this reason, during the preparations for the campaign, he executed his brother in January 1621.

Mehmed certainly saw exactly how dangerous the situation was, and we can assume that during Osman's reign he feared that Osman would eventually revive the law of fratricide. Mehmed’s death shook Istanbul, poets of the age often write about this bloody event with immense disgust. Naima, for example, openly condemns and calls Osman a tyrant for making an innocent prince, Mehmed Khan, a martyr for his own power. According to legend, while Mehmed fought for his life with his executioners, he cursed Osman: "Osman! I beseech God that your life and your reign be full of dread, and as you have deprived me of my life, may the same fate be yours."

Whether the curse is true or not, the end soon reached Osman. A few days after Mehmed’s death, a huge snowstorm struck Istanbul, killing thousands of people. Commoners interpreted this as Revenge of Allah for Osman's disgusting act, so his popularity sank to unprecedented depths. And soon after his failed campaign, Osman was dethroned and brutally executed and mutilated.

Şehzade Cihangir

All we know about Prince Cihangir was that he was born in 1609 and died soon after. The identity of his mother is unknown, but it is almost certain that it was not Kösem Sultan. Kösem Sultan gave birth to another child, Hanzade Sultan, in 1609. It is unlikely that she would have given birth to two children in one year.

Şehzade Selim

Prince Selim was born in the summer of 1611 and died a month after his birth. The identity of his mother is unknown. He was buried in his father's mausoleum.

Şehzade Hasan

Prince Hasan was born in November 1612 between the later sultan Murad IV and Prince Bayezid, as the child of an anonymous concubine. He died shortly after his birth and was buried in his father's mausoleum.

Şehzade Bayezid

Prince Bayezid was born in December 1612, a few months after the birth of Prince Murad (later Murad IV) in July. Accounts suggest that Bayezid was Osman's full-brother, so his mother was Mahfiruze, too. Mahfiruze disappears from the harem records around this time, perhaps for complications after childbirth, perhaps for other reasons, but she died during this period.

We don't know much about his childhood. After the deaths of Prince Mehmed and Sultan Osman II, Murad, who was barely older than Bayezid, ascended the throne in 1623. This essentially made Bayezid the heir to the throne, with many dangers, especially since he was only a half-brother to Sultan Murad. Because of Murad's youth, his mother, Kösem Sultan, ruled the empire as a regent. The situation was very bad, in recent years the empire has gradually sunk into anarchy and the situation has become increasingly bleak. Kösem Sultan and the statesmen fought hard to pull the empire out of the chaos, and although they achieved success, they failed to solve all the problems.

Then, in 1632, tension peaked in a Janissary rebellion. The Janissaries executed several of Murad's close confidants and demanded that the Sultan show them the princes. Murad was forced to agree to this and showed his brothers the Janissaries, who at this time began to rejoice for the princes. This humiliation was never forgotten and forgiven by Murad later. It was then that he experienced for the first time in his life that Bayezid (and also his other brothers) posed a huge threat to him. It is not known how Bayezid felt about the situation, however, given that he was not the son of Kösem, he could not expect too much support, which made it probably a difficult time for him.

In fact, we know almost nothing about Bayezid's life and personality, he lived his life locked up in the palace. Contrary to the picture conjectured by the series, Bayezid was not particularly close to Murad and there was no bond between them. This, too, certainly played a role in Bayezid's destiny. Murad considered Selim I to be his role model, trying to follow him in everything, so he also wanted to bring back the old succession-system so that his son would follow him on the throne, and not one of his younger brothers. In addition, Murad was getting worse mentally and physically over the years, so he began to become paranoid and saw conspiracy against him in everything. These things together caused the end of Murad's brothers. After the victory of Revan in 1635, while the people celebrated he ordered the execution of two of his half-brothers, Prince Bayezid and Suleiman. Bayezid was buried in the mausoleum of his father, Ahmed I.

Şehzade Orhan

The birth, death of Prince Orhan, and his mother's identity are all unknowns. Most give his birth date between 1612 and 1617, but there is no primer evidence to suggest this. Since we know so little about him, he probably died shortly after his birth.

Şehzade Hüseyin

Prince Hüseyin was born in November 1613, not knowing who his mother was, but it is certain that it was not Kösem Sultan. The time of his death is 1617, however, we do not have a more precise date. It is interesting, however, that he was not buried in the mausoleum of his father, Ahmed I, but in his grandfather's, Mehmed III's mausoleum. The reason for this was perhaps that Ahmed's mausoleum was not completed when he died (very early 1617), which is why he was buried in Mehmed III's mausoleum. Of course, they could have been reburied him to Ahmed's mausoleum as they did with Ahmed’s previously deceased sons. We don't know why they did not rebury him. Maybe since Ahmed himself had soon passed away, there was no time for that. Maybe the prince's tomb was too fresh when the other princes were reburied so he was left out?

Şehzade Kasim

He was born in the beginning of 1614 as the son of Kösem Sultan. Prince Kasim spent a significant part of his childhood separated from his mother, locked in the kafes during the reigns of Mustafa II, Osman II, and then again Mustafa I. From 1617 to 1623 he had little or no access to his mother. It is not known how Kasim spent his childhood after 1623. As the son of Kösem and Murad's full-brother, perhaps during Murad's early reign, he was able to enjoy a little more freedom in the palace than his half-brothers. At least we can assume this when Kösem's reign lasted, until 1632.

In 1632 his life changed radically, for Kösem lost her regent position and Murad began to rule by himself with extreme strictness. This year there was a Janissary uprising in which the Janissaries, fearing that Sultan Murad had secretly executed his brothers, demanded that the Sultan show them the princes. Murad complied with the demands of the Janissaries, but never forgave the humiliation.

Little is known about Kasim's life during Murad's later reign. There are several legends based on contemporary and somewhat later accounts, however, their reliability is rather doubtful. These legends suggest that Kasim was very close to Murad. Knowing their mother, it seems logical that she tried to push the two boys to love each other, as this was how Kösem could protect her other sons from Murad. Murad and Kasim spent much time together, which Giovanni Cappello also confirms in his account from 1634. According to him, Murad regularly took Kasim with him, treated him very kindly, and even allowed his brother to grow a beard, which was not a custom among the princes living in the palace.

Knowing this, it is particularly surprising that Murad eventually turned against Kasim. Murad considered Selim I to be his role model, trying to follow him in everything, so he also wanted to bring back the old succession-system so that his son would follow him on the throne, and not one of his younger brothers. In addition, Murad was getting worse mentally and physically over the years, so he began to become paranoid and saw conspiracy against him in everything. As a result, Murad first made a fatal decision in 1635 and executed his half-brothers, Bayezid and Suleiman. He spared Kasim and his other brother, Ibrahim back then. But over time Murad's paranoia continued to grow and in 1638, after the victorious campaign in Baghdad, he also executed Kasim in the Revan Pavilion. Interestingly, barely two years later Murad died in the same place. Prince Kasim was buried in his father's mausoleum.

Şehzade Suleiman

Prince Suleiman was born in 1615 as the son of an unknown concubine. Some believe he was the son of Kösem Sultan, but this is completely ruled out for two reasons. On the one hand, Kösem gave birth to Ibrahim (later Ibrahim I) in November 1615, who was surely her son, so it is not mathematically possible that in 1615 she would have given birth to another child; on the other hand, Suleiman was executed by Sultan Murad in 1635, while his full-brother Kasim was executed only in 1638. It is clear that Murad first wanted to get rid of his half-brothers, so the fact that Suleiman died in 1635 along with Bayezid (who surely was Murad's half-brother) is in itself enough proof that he was not the son of Kösem. Prince Suleiman was also buried in the mausoleum of Ahmed I.

Used sources: C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; L. Peirce - The imperial harem; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; F. Suraiya, K. Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey 1453-1603; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; : F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad

* * *

Şehzade Mehmed

Ahmed 1603 decemberében került trónra, első fia II. Oszmán 1604 novemberében jött világra, őt néhány hónappal követte Mehmed herceg. Mehmed édesanyja Köszem szultána volt és 1604 márciusában jött világra Isztambulban. Édesanyjának kiléte sokáig kérdéses volt, azonban napjainkban rendelkezésünkre állnak olyan bizonyítékok, melyek közvetetten egyértelműsítik, hogy Mehmed Köszem fiaként jött világra. Egyik ilyen bizonyíték, hogy Köszem 1605 végén vagy 1606 elején lett Haszeki szultána, ez pedig fiúgyermek születése nélkül aligha lett volna lehetséges. Másik bizonyíték egy 1611/12-ből származó követi beszámoló, mely úgy szól "a szultánnak két fia van, egyikük hét éves, másikuk hat. Emellett a szultánnak három lánya is van. Fiatalsága és termékenysége, valamint az, hogy nőkben nem szenved hiányt arra enged következtetni, hogy hamarosan több fiú fogja követni az első kettőt. Simone Contarini, aki az írás szerzője a két fiú alatt Oszmánt és Mehmedet értette, a három lány viszont minden bizonnyal tévedés lehetett, ugyanis Ahmednek ekkoriban négy lánya volt életben (Ayşe, Gevherhan, Fatma és Hanzade). Talán Contarini csak Ayşe, Fatma és Hanzade létéről tudott, ők voltak ugyanis Köszem - a kedvenc ágyas - gyermekei.

Az ellenérvek arra, hogy Mehmed nem Köszem fia volt mára megdőltek. Della Valle 1614-ben Ahmed szultán második fiát Sehzade Mahmudként jegyezte fel, melyet tévesen Murad herceggel azonosítottak néhányan, aki 1612-ben született. A Mahmud minden bizonnyal a Mehmed félreértett változata volt, nem a Muradé. Másik ellenérv volt Valier 1615-ös beszámolója, aki arról beszélt, hogy a szultán nem engedi a két idősebb herceget Köszem közelébe, ugyanis a szultán jól ismeri Köszem ambíciójit és tudja, hogy Köszem csak ártana a két hercegnek saját gyermekei érdekében. Sokan a két herceget Oszmán és Mehmed hercegekkel azonosították, azonban valószínűbb, hogy Valier Musztafára, Ahmed öccsére és Oszmánra gondolt. Különösen alátámasztja ezt Valier egyik korábbi beszámolója, ahol egyértelmen leírja, hogy a szultánnak négy fia van, kettő a halott és kettő az élő szultánáról. Mivel Mahfiruze - Oszmán anyja - 1612 körül elhunyt egyértelmű, hogy ő a halott szultána. Mahfiruze másik fia talán Bayezid herceg lehetett, aki nemsokkal Köszem - az élő szultána - második fia, Murad után született 1612-ben.

Látható, hogy az ellenérvek jóval gyengébbek, így relatív biztonsággal állíthatjuk, hogy Mehmed herceg Köszem szultána első szülött gyermeke volt. Mehmed gyermekkoráról nem sokat tudni. Ismert, hogy bár külön oktatták és nevelték Oszmán hercegtől, tanítójuk ugyanaz az Ömer Efendi volt. Oszmánnal 1612 után is voltak közös programjai Mehmednek. Köszem szultána ugyanis rendszeresen látogatott a Régi Palotába, hogy ott találkozzon Safiye szultánával, Ahmed nagyanyjával és ezekre az utakra rendszeresen vitte magával Mehmed herceget, és alkalmanként Oszmánt is. Miután Ahmed eltiltotta Oszmántól valószínűleg Mehmeddel kettesben, esetleg lányaival vagy Muraddal kiegészülve utaztak a Régi Palotába.

Mehmed első nyilvános megjelenése nemsokkal apja halála előtt volt, 1617-ben. Ekkor készült el ugyanis teljes egészében Ahmed szultán mecset kompelxuma, ahová két idősebb fiát, Oszmánt és Mehmedet is magával vitte a megnyitóra. Ahmed még az év végén elhunyt és kaotikus időszak következett. A testvérgyilkosság eltörlése régóta volt központi téma az Oszmán Birodalomban és bár maga Ahmed ellene volt és nem is végeztette ki édesöccsét, Musztafát, sosem hozott döntést arról, hogy halála után ki kövesse a trónon. Az egyetlen esély Mehmed és öccsei életének megmentésére az volt, ha az öröklési sorrendet örökre megváltoztatják. Köszem éveken át próbálta Ahmedet meggyőzni erről és bár kétségkívül köze volt ahhoz, hogy Musztafa herceg életben maradt, Ahmed halála után ő már nem tehetett semmit. Nem úgy a Köszemmel szoros szövetségben álló Haci Musztafa Aga, a fő fekete eunuch, aki befolyásával meggyőzte a divánt és ulemát, hogy Ahmed helyére a legidősebb élő herceget tegyék, a többiek életét pedig kíméljék meg. Így került I. Musztafa néven Ahmed öccse a trónra, Mehmed pedig testvéreivel együtt elzárásra a hárembe.

Keveset tudunk erről a rövid időszakról, hiszen Musztafát mentális betegsége maitt hamarosan trónfosztották és helyére Oszmánt ültették. Oszmán nagyon befolyásolható volt, mely tulajdonsága maitt gyakran hibázott. Oszmán nem volt népszerű, nem voltak támogatói, nem állt mögötte egy erős édesanya, aki segítette volna, így érthető módon rettegett Mehmed hercegtől. Mehmed csak négy hónappal volt fiatalabb, édesanyja viszont rendkívül népszerű és befolyásos asszony volt. Köszem sosem tett semmit Oszmán ellen és Oszmán maga is igyekezett jó viszont ápolni a nővel, rendszeresen látogatta a Régi Palotában. Idővel azonban Oszmán paranoiája eldurvult. 1621 tavaszán el akarta hagynia fővárost, hogy hadjáratra induljon, azonban félt Mehmedet a fővárosban hagyni. Oszmán attól félt, hogy Köszem és Mehmed puccsot elkövetve elfoglalják a trónt, amíg ő háborúzik. A logikus lépés az lett volna, ha emiatt Oszmán magával viszi Mehmedet a hadjáratra, azonban Oszmán ennél véglegesebb megoldást akart. Emiatt a hadjárat előkészületei alatt 1621 januárjában megölette testvérét.

Mehmed minden bizonnyal pontosan látta, milyen veszélyes helyzetben van és feltételezhetjük, hogy Oszmán uralkodása alatt rettegett attól, hogy Oszmán végül feléleszti a testvérgyilkosság törvényét. Mehmed halála megrázta Isztambult, a kor és későbbi korok költői gyakran írnak erről a véres eseménnyel hatalmas undorral. Naima például nyíltan elítéli és zsarnoknak nevezi Oszmánt, amiért saját hatalma érdekében mártrírrá tett egy ártatlan herceget, Mehmed Khant. A legendák szerint amíg Mehmed életéért küzdött a kivégzőivel elátkozta Oszmánt: "Oszmán! Könyörögni fogok Allahnak, hogy egész életed és uralkodásot rettegésben teljen és sorsod legyen ugyanolyan, mint az enyém."

Akár igaz akár nem, Mehmed átka hamarosan elérte Oszmánt. Néhány nappal Mehmed halála után hatalmas hóvihar sújtott le Isztambulra, több ezer ember halálát okozva. Az emberek ezt Allah bosszújaként értelmezték Oszmán undorító cselekedete miatt, így Oszmán népszerűsége sosem látott mélységekbe süllyedt. Sikertelen hadjárata után pedig hamarosan trónfosztották és brutális módon kivégezték és megcsonkították Oszmánt.

Şehzade Cihangir

Cihangir hercegről annyit tudunk, hogy 1609-ben született és nemsokkal később el is hunyt. Édesanyjának kiléte nem ismert, viszont szinte bizton állítható, hogy nem Köszem volt. Köszem ugyanis 1609-ben egy másik gyermeknek, Hanzade szultánának adott életet, így valószínűtlen, hogy egy évben két gyermeket is világra hozott volna.

Şehzade Selim

Szelim herceg 1611 nyarán született és születése után nemsokkal meg is halt. Anyja kiléte nem ismert. Apja mauzóleumában helyezték végső nyugalomra.

Şehzade Hasan

Hasan herceg 1612 novemberében született későbbi IV. Murad és Bayezid herceg között, egy névtelen ágyas gyermekeként. Születését követően nemsokkal elhunyt és apja mauzóleumában helyezték végső nyugalomra.

Şehzade Bayezid

Bayezid herceg 1612 decemberében született néhány hónappal Murad herceg (későbbi IV. Murad) júliusi születése után. A követi beszámolók valószínűsítik, hogy Bayezid Oszmán édesöccse volt, így édesanyja neki is Mahfiruze volt. Mahfiruze innentől eltűnik a hárem jegyzőkönyvekből, talán a szülés után fellépő komplikációk, talán más okok miatt, de ebben az időszakban elhunyt.

Gyermekkoráról nem tudunk sokat. Mehmed herceg és Oszmán szultán halála után kisebb kitérővel a Bayezidnél alig idősebb Murad jutott trónra 1623-ban. Ezzel lényegében Bayezid lett a trónörökös, ami igen sok veszéllyel járt, különösen, hogy csak féltestvére volt Murad szultánnak. Murad fiatalkora miatt édesanyja Köszem szultána uralkodott a birodalmon régensként. A helyzet igen rossz volt, az elmúlt években a birodalom fokozatosan süllyedt anarchiába és vált egyre kilátástalanabbá a helyzet. Köszem és az államférfiak erősen küzdöttek, hogy a birodalmat kihúzzák a csávából, és bár értek el sikereket, nem sikerült megoldaniuk a problémákat.

1632-ben aztán egy janicsár lázadásban csúcsosodott ki a feszültség. A janicsárok kivégezték Murad több közeli bizalmasát és követelték a szultántól, hogy mutassa meg nekik a többi herceget. Murad kénytelen volt beleegyezni ebbe és megmutatta janicsároknak testvéreit, akik ekkor éltetni kezdték a hercegeket. Ezt a megaláztatást később Murad sosem felejtette el. Ekkor tapasztalta meg életében először, hogy Bayezid hatalmas veszélyt jelent rá. Nem tudni, hogy Bayezid, hogyan élte meg a helyzetet, azonban tekintettel arra, hogy nem Köszem fia volt nem számíthatott túl sok támogatásra, emiatt feltehetőleg nehéz időszak volt ez számára.

Tulajdonképpen Bayezid életéről, személyiségéről szinte semmit nem tudunk, életét a palotába elzárva élte. A sorozat által sejtetett képpel ellentétben, Bayezid nem állt különösebben közel Muradhoz és nem volt köztük semmi kötelék. Ennek is minden bizonnyal szerepe volt Bayezid végzetében. Murad példaképének I. Szelimet tartotta, őt próbálta követni mindenben, így a régi öröklési rendet is vissza akarta hozni, hogy utána fia kövesse a trónon, ne pedig öccsei közül valaki. Emellett Murad mentálisan és fizikailag is egyre rosszabb állapotban volt az évek során, így kezdett paranoiddá válni és mindenben konspirációt látott személye ellen. Ezek együttesen okoztákazt, hogy 1635-ben a győztes revani hadjárata után, míg az emberek ünnepeltek ő elrendelte két féltestvére, Bayezid és Szulejmán hercegek kivégzését. Bayezidet apja, I. Ahmed mauzóleumában helyezték végső nyugalomra.

Şehzade Orhan

Orhan herceg születése, halála és anyja kiléte egyaránt ismeretlen. A legtöbben 1612 és 1617 közé teszik születését, de nincs erre utaló bizonyíték. Mivel ennyire semmit nem tudunk róla, valószínűleg röviddel születése után elhunyt.

Şehzade Hüseyin

Hüseyin herceg 1613 novemberében jött világra, nem tudni, hogy ki volt az édesanyja, ám az bizonyos, hogy nem Köszem. Halálának ideje 1617, azonban pontosabb időpont nem áll rendelkezésünkre. Érdekesség viszont, hogy nem Ahmed mauzóleumában, hanem nagyapja III. Mehmed mauzóleumában temették el. Ennek oka talán az volt, hogy Ahmed mauzóleuma még nem készült el, mikor meghalt, emiatt III. Mehmedébe temették. Természetesen újratemethették volna, mint Ahmed korábban elhunyt fiait, azonban mivel Ahmed maga is nemsoká elhunyt erre nem jutott idő. Esetleg túl friss volt a sír, amikor a többi herceget újratemették, így ő kimaradt?

Şehzade Kasim

1614 legelején jött világra Köszem szultána fiaként. Kasim herceg gyermekkorának jelentős részét édesanyjától elszakítva töltötte, elzárva a kafesben I. Musztafa, II. Oszmán majd újra I. Musztafa uralkodása alatt. 1617-től 1623-ig nem vagy csak alig találkozhatott édesanyjával. Nem tudni, hogy Kasim gyermekkorát hogyan töltötte. Mivel Köszem fia volt és Murad édestestvére, talán Murad 1623-ban kezdődő uralkodása alatt valamivel nagyobb szabadságot élvezhetett a palotában, mint féltestvérei. Legalábbis feltételezhetjük ezt amíg tartott Köszem uralma, 1632-ig.

1632-ben élete gyökeresen megváltozott, ugyanis Köszem elveszítette régensi pozícióját és Murad kezdett vasszigorral uralkodni. Ebben az évben zajlott egy janicsár felkelés, mely során a janicsárok félve attól, hogy Murad szultán titokban kivégeztette öccseit, követelték, hogy a szultán mutassa meg a herceget. Murad eleget tett a janicsárok követeléseinek, azonban sosem bocsátotta meg a megaláztatást.

Kasim életéről Murad uralkodása alatt keveset tudunk. Több legenda is létezik korabeli és valamivel későbbi beszámolókra alapozva, azonban ezek megbízhatósága meglehetősen kétséges. Ezek a legendák azt sugallják, hogy Kasim igen közel állt Muradhoz. Ismerve édesanyjukat logikusnak tűnik, hogy igyekezett úgy nevelni, hogy a két fiú szeresse egymást, hiszen így óvhatta leginkább Köszem többi fiát Muradtól. Úgy tartják, hogy Murad és Kasim sok időt töltöttek együtt, amit Giovanni Cappello követi beszámolója is alátámaszt 1634-ből. Szerint Murad rendszeresen vitte magával Kasimot, nagyon kedvesen bánt vele és még azt is megengedte öccsének, hogy szakállt viselhessen, ami nem volt szokás a palotában élő hercegek között.

Ennek fényében különösen meglepő, hogy Murad végül Kasim ellen fordult. Murad példaképének I. Szelimet tartotta, őt próbálta követni mindenben, így a régi öröklési rendet is vissza akarta hozni, hogy utána fia kövesse a trónon, ne pedig öccsei közül valaki. Emellett Murad mentálisan és fizikailag is egyre rosszabb állapotban volt az évek során, így kezdett paranoiddá válni és mindenben konspirációt látott személye ellen. Ennek eredményeként Murad először 1635-ben hozott meg egy végzetes döntés és végeztette ki féltestvéreit, Bayezid és Szulejmán hercegeket. Ekkor Kasimot és másik öccsét, Ibrahimot megkímélte. Idővel azonban Murad paranoiája tovább nőtt és 1638-ban a győztes bagdadi hadjárata után kivégeztette Kasimot is, a Revan Pavilonban. Érdekesség, hogy alig két évvel később Murad ugyanitt halt meg megtörve. Kasim herceget édesapja mauzóleumában temették el.

Şehzade Szulejmán

Szulejmán herceg 1615-ben született egy ismeretlen ágyas fiaként. Egyesek úgy tartják Köszem szultána fia volt, ám ez teljességgel kizárt két okból is. Egyrészt Köszem 1615 novemberében adott életet Ibrahimnak (későbbi I. Ibrahim), aki tudottan az ő fia volt, így matematikailag nem lehetséges, hogy 1615-ben egy másik gyermeknek is életet adott volna; másrészt Szulejmánt 1635-ben végeztette ki Murad szultán, míg édestestvérét Kasimot csupán 1638-ban. Egyértelmű, hogy Murad először féltestvéreitől akart megszabadulni, így a tény, hogy Szulejmán 1635-ben halt meg, önmagában is elég bizonyíték, hogy nem Köszem fia volt. Szulejmán herceget is I. Ahmed mauzóleumában temették el.

Felhasznált források: C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; L. Peirce - The imperial harem; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; F. Suraiya, K. Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey 1453-1603; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; : F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad

#Ahmed I #Murad IV #sehazde bayezid #sehazde kasim #ibrahim I #deli ibrahim #Kösem sultan #kösem #mahfiruz hatun #mahfiruze #Sehzade mehmed #Osman II #fratricide #selim i #yavuz selim

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geniusgub · 4 years

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don’t leave me//spencer reid

600 follower celebration!! my first one shot in months because ive been so consumed with north. enjoy!!

also I didn’t edit this at all and worked on it for like five hours straight so excuse the mistakes plz and thx

genre: so much angst

pairing: spencer reid x female oc

warnings: drugs, withdrawal, overdose

word count: 5.2k

It isn’t hard to tell when something is wrong with Spencer.

Spencer is generally a sweet, patient, and quick-thinking person, especially at work. I joined the BAU when Elle Greenaway departed from the bureau and left a spot open for a profiler. Spencer didn’t seem to take well to the change in the team dynamic and it seemed like he shut down whenever I was around him. He didn’t talk to me much at all and when he did, it was strictly business. No banter about personal lives occurred between us like it did between Spencer and, well, the rest of the team. I chalked it up to an anxiety over change and I respected that. I gave him the time to warm up to me and thankfully, after a while, he seemed to take a liking to me.

Penelope Garcia is the queen of stirring up drama and once Spencer and I started to bond over our geeky tendencies, like using Doctor Who as a comfort show, and always searching for nerdy apparel in stores, she had no problem stirring the pot. To my understanding, she watched Spencer and I play cards together on the jet one day (on one of the rare days she came in the field with us) and then told Emily that we must be in love with each other. Emily told JJ, JJ told Morgan, Morgan told Hotch, and Hotch told Gideon. Suddenly the whole team became convinced that Spencer and I were madly in love and it only took about ten minutes.

I would never admit it, not yet at least, but Penelope was dead on. Once Spencer and I talked more and spent time together outside of work, I fell hard and fast for him. He truly is unlike any other man in the world. He has no problem with staying at home for a night, in fact, he prefers it. He likes to open the windows when it’s raining to hear the noises of the water making contact with his fire escape. He wants to stay up with me until the middle of the night just so we can make sure we finish every Harry Potter movie on binge days. It’s hard not to fall in love with Spencer Reid. He makes it so easy. Of course, he’s oblivious and his brain is filled with thoughts of self-doubt and inferiority in the looks department, but I don’t need or want him to look like a model. He’s all I need.

But one day, all of this stops. It wasn’t hard to tell that something was wrong with Spencer. It wasn’t a secret that a piece of Spencer’s soul was left in the grave he dug for himself under the watch of Tobias Hankle. It wasn’t a secret that Spencer struggled immensely upon returning home and having light withdrawal symptoms. I tried my best to help him, making trips to his apartment to bring him anything he might need while he was on his mandatory two weeks leave. But he would also give me an unconvincing smile and push me right out the door. He never let me spend more than five minutes inside his apartment. I never saw him sweat, or vomit, or shake, or yawn. I never saw his pupils dilate.

When he returns to work, a bit too soon for my liking, that’s when I start to notice the withdrawal symptoms. And for a little while, I’m okay with it. Withdrawal, although painful and torturous, is a step in the right direction. The drugs are making their way out of Spencer’s system and he is detoxing. I pay extra attention to him to ensure his safety, but nobody else on the team seems to give Spencer any care. They surely get pissed off when he snaps at them and sweats all over the case files and is far too nasty with possible witnesses. Nobody, besides me, gives his attitude any slack. But I continue to keep a close eye on him during the case.

Keeping a close eye, however, reveals to me that Spencer’s withdrawal symptoms continuously disappear and then reappear during the three days we are away. I don’t need Spencer’s level of genius to figure out what is going on.

My heart pounds against my chest when Spencer goes running of the jet the moment it touches down in DC. Not a single pair of eyes follow Spencer’s movements but my own. The others on the team just stand to pull their bags out of the overhead bins. They’re chatting about whether they should go out for drinks or to a restaurant for dinner but they’re not chatting about their friend who clearly has a problem. But I love Spencer more than anything and seeing him struggle makes me hurt inside. Once I retrieve my own carry on and go-bag, I drive straight to Spencer’s apartment. I ignore my fellow team members when they ask me if I want to join them for dinner.

“Spencer?” I knock on his front door and rock back and forth on my feet, waiting for some type of response from him. I saw his car outside and I know he’s here and if he doesn’t open the door within ten more seconds then I’m going to kick it down.

Thankfully, I don’t need to risk breaking the heel of my shoe today because the door swings open a second later. Spencer stands before me, looking the most disheveled I’ve ever seen him. His shirt is untucked, his pants are wrinkly, his hair is half curly from his excess sweating, and he isn’t even wearing socks or shoes. His long sleeve shirt makes my heart drop to my stomach.

“Olive?” His voice cracks when he speaks. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to-” I choke on the words I truly want to say and suddenly I’m pushing back tears. I try to swallow the lump in my throat and give him a smile. “I’m gonna make you dinner! The team is going out together but I’m in the mood to stay in after that horrible case.”

“Uh,” Spencer glances behind him and then whips back to me, “I’m actually really tired and I just wanna sleep. So thanks for coming by-”

My hands fly out when Spencer tries to close the door in my face. I’ve underestimated his strength up until now because I have to use all of my strength to keep him from pushing me out. But Spencer isn’t able to keep up his strength much longer and concedes, letting the door fly backward and unintentionally letting me inside. I drop my bags to the floor, eyes locking with Spencer’s and watching a fire light in them.

“Spencer,” my voice is still far too weak for my liking, “I’m not leaving.”

Spencer scoffs, slamming the door shut, just barely grazing my shoulder as it passes me. “Yeah, well, I want you to.”

“I’m not leaving.”

Spencer’s jaw tightens and his hands ball into fists at his side. He’s trying to stand tall and strong in front of me but he’s starting to crack by the millisecond. His chest heaves when he tries to choke back his tears and his eyelids start to flutter. If I wasn’t sure of the situation before I stepped inside, it surely has been confirmed right now. Spencer opens his mouth to speak and his chin trembles. “I want you to leave me alone.”

“Absolutely not,” I step closer to him but he steps backward, not allowing me to diminish the distance between us. “Spencer, please. Let me help you.”

His head drops, his shoulders caving in. “I don’t need help,” With his eyes on his feet and no longer on me, I take the opportunity to grab his arm. He tries to jerk away from me the second my fingertips brush the fabric of his shirt but I told him as tightly as I can. He whimpers in my hold and his crack start to get wider and wider. “Olive, please.”

“Just let me see, Spence,” I’m already begging and I’m already crying. “Let me see. Let me help. I’m here for you.”

Spencer squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away from me, his first tears dripping down his cheeks. He stops trying to escape my hold and just cries, his clothes clutched in his hands. It’s not an invitation whatsoever but I take it as one, rolling up Spencer’s sleeve past his elbow. The crook of his elbow is covered in track marks, some fading and some bright red and bloody. It takes every ounce of my energy not to break down right then and there as my worst fear comes true. But Spencer breaks down when his biggest secret is revealed, his knees giving out and his body tumbling to the floor. I follow him down, cradling him in my arms as he sobs into my chest. I shush him and stroke his hair, rocking him back and forth, like a child, to calm him down.

“It’s okay, Spencer, shh,” I coo, my fingertips coated in sweat as I coax my fingers through his knotty locks. “Everything is gonna be okay, my love. I’m here and I’m gonna help you.”

“No.”

“Yes. Spencer, look at me,” I don’t give him the option of where to bring his gaze to. I grab his cheeks and force his gaze up, his eyes bloodshot and his face soaking wet. “You can’t keep doing drugs. You’ll lose everything, you know that. You’ll lose your job, you’ll lose me, you’ll lose your life, you’ll-”

“I’ll lose you?” He’s never sounded more like a child than he does now. He’s whimpering and whining and crying out and clinging to me as tight as he can.

I give the hardest answer yet and I feel my heart break in my chest. “Yes, Spencer, I’ll leave. I can’t-”

Spencer starts to scramble to his knees, legs wobbling under his weight. “You can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I love you, Olive. Don’t leave.”

I know it’s the drugs talking but it doesn’t make the confession hurt any less. The confession is what I’ve waited so damn long to hear. But it’s wrong right now. Admitting my love will do nothing but hurt both of us. Spencer isn’t in a good state of mind right now. He probably won’t even remember that he hastily confessed his love while trying to convince me not to leave him. I find myself forcing down tears yet again.

“I won’t leave you if you get clean,” I brush back his hair again and this time, it slicks back with sweat. “You can’t keep living your life like this, shooting up in bathrooms and hiding from your friends. Get some help and get clean. I can’t sit back and watch you destroy your life, a life that you worked so damn hard to get.”

Spencer collapses under his own weight, no longer able to sit up on his knees. He falls onto all fours, his head hanging between his shoulders and his tears falling onto the carpet. “I can’t do it. It’s so painful to stop. I need it to be happy. I need it to escape.”

I smooth my hands over his shoulders and where other people would probably feel tensed up muscles, I feel relaxed muscles as Spencer melts into my embrace. “Then let me take you to the hospital. They can help make the detox less painful. They can give you medication and you can get counseling and I’ll be there for as long as I’m allowed to be.”

“No, none of that. Here. I wanna do it here.” Spencer lifts his head, sniffling and huffing through his tears. “I’ll do it alone. Please leave. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Absolutely not,” I rise to my feet and lean down to help Spencer to his feet, baring all of his weight on my shoulders as we trudge towards his bedroom. “I’m not leaving you like this. I’m gonna call Hotch and get time off for both of us.”

Spencer lets out his millionth whimper of the night when he falls onto the bed, immediately curling up on his side and squeezing his eyes shut. “Please. Go.”

I kneel beside the bed, bringing my hand to his cheek and stroking his soft skin gently. The simple motion actually seems to calm him for a millisecond before he starts to shake, clearly being hit with an onslaught of chills from his inevitable fever. So I tug the blanket over his body and tuck him in, pressing my lips to his forehead. “I’m not gonna abandon you, Spencer. I’m gonna help you through this and you’re gonna return to your happier, drug-free self. You’ll feel better soon. I promise.”

I stayed true to my promise. I didn’t leave Spencer alone for a single second while he suffered through withdrawal. I washed his vomit and sweat-soaked sheets. I wiped his tears and held him when he cried. I dragged him from room to room when he didn’t have the energy to carry his own weight. I cooked him food on the rare occasions that he was actually hungry. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear when he needed the reassurance that someone actually cares. I located his stash of needles and excess vials and threw them in the dumpster outside, not even wanting to risk leaving them in a trashcan in the apartment. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer wouldn’t have gotten through this without me. I was harsh with him when he begged for ‘just one more hit’ and I held him when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer would have given in to his cravings and started this mess all over again.

After two weeks, Spencer starts to get better. He is able to walk without assistance and he can eat two meals a day without throwing it up ten minutes later. It’s a relief and the sun finally starts to shine through the clouds that had been lingering for too long. He still needed at least another week off of work to work up his strength and catch up on sleep in order to not look like the living dead and Hotch starts to get suspicious of such an extended time off. I tell him not to ask and for some reason, he listens. Maybe he just knows and is glad that someone else dealt with Spencer at his lowest point. Yeah, that’s probably it.

After three weeks and a promising night where Spencer makes me dinner for the first time in weeks, we return to work. The team is happy to see us and they don’t question why we were both gone for so long. But I’m almost positive it’s the same reason that Hotch didn’t question the time off.

I made sure to visit Spencer in his hotel room and I always, somehow, made sure that he was never in a room alone. One night of being alone could make him spiral and that is the last thing he needs. So if he was in a room alone then I would sneak out of mine and sleep with him. It seemed like he started to enjoy sleeping in the same bed as me, opting to cuddle me close to his chest instead of turning his back to me. His confession always seemed to echo in my mind when he would kiss my head or squeeze my waist but it was just the drugs talking. He didn’t mean it.

One month clean and Spencer seemed to be doing amazing. He boasted about how he deleted his drug dealer’s number from his phone and how he would eat meals without me reminding him to and how he could be on his feet for more than twenty minutes without being winded and needing to sit. I don’t think I had ever felt so proud of a human being until I shoved all my pride onto Spencer. Sure, he didn’t necessarily want to get the help that I gave him, but he went along with it and it’s a joy to see him return to his old happy-go-lucky self.

But then the team gets called into a meeting. The phonecall wakes me up in the middle of the night and sends me rushing to get dressed in something other than pajamas, but I just wind up putting on new sweats. I rush out the door and to the vacant building, throwing my holster on my hip and riding the elevator up. I blurt out a load of apologies for y lateness as I stumble into the conference room and realize I’m the last two arrive.

“Aww,” Morgan coos sarcastically as I sit down beside him, “it was so nice if you to get dressed up for us!”

“I swear to god,” I hiss, but he knows I’m just teasing, “if you don’t shut up right now then I’ll-”

“Okay,” Hotch shuts me up far too easily, standing at the front of the table with his arms crossed, “we’re all here. Let’s start.”

“Is this a new case?” Emily wonders, eyes darting between Hotch and the table that is usually filled with case files.

“No,” he sighs and looks down at his feet, and this is probably the most emotion I’ve ever seen from him before. “Tonight-”

“Wait,” I sit up and glance around, suddenly alarmed, “We’re not all here. Spencer isn’t here.”

Hotch holds his hands up to me in his second way of telling me to shut up. “I know that. He already knows what I’m about to tell you all.” This does absolutely nothing to erase the red flags in my mind. “I know we all struggled with our last case, and Gideon struggled the most, for obvious reasons. Tonight, Spencer went to his cabin to check on him. It turns out that Gideon had left a note for Spencer to say goodbye and he has sent in his resignation. He has officially left the BAU.”

Okay, listen, I barely knew the man. I haven’t been on this team for too long and Gideon favored talking to Hotch and Spencer. He didn’t interact with me much at all, except to correct me, so I’m not too torn up about his departure. Yes, he just created a huge hole that needs to be filled but that’s not my main concern. Spencer is. He isn’t here and he just learned that the man who has been his father figure for years just abandoned him in the same way that his father did when he was a child. Nobody should be alone at a time like this, and Spencer especially shouldn’t.

JJ is the first to ask a question but I don’t even hear it. Hotch answers and Emily follows and then Penelope is squealing and Morgan shouts over everyone and it’s far too crazy. I just need to know that Spencer is okay. He is the only thing I care about. He made so much amazing progress and he absolutely can’t erase that.

“I need to go.” I blurt out suddenly, standing from the round table and rushing out of the building. I call Spencer relentlessly and get no answer. I go straight to voicemail every time. I slam on my gas pedal.

I don’t lock my car and I barely remember to close my door before I’m bounding up the stairs and to his apartment. I couldn’t care less about the other residents who are probably fast asleep by now. I bang on Spencer’s door, shouting his name once, twice, three times, and get nothing. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

“Spencer! Come on, open up!” I cry out, jiggling the handle and hoping it’s unlocked. “Please! Let me in!” The energy radiating from the apartment makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I take two steps back and breathe in a deep breath, preparing me for whatever could be on the other side of this stupid door. I’ll never be ready to see what I know is waiting for me. I lift my foot up and slam it against the door, the lock snapping and allowing the door to fly open. I burst inside, shouting Spencer’s name frantically as my eyes search desperately for his adorable curls and his soft cardigans.

It takes me no more than thirty seconds of frantic running to find Spencer. When I do, I wish desperately that I hadn’t.

His body is slumped against the bathtub, head hanging backward and his mouth wide open. His shirt is off and a rubber band is still tied around his bicep. The bathroom wreaks of vomit and there’s a needle in the sink and a broken vial on the floor. He looks haunting similar to the crime scenes we observe every day.

I drop to my knees in front of him and grab onto his cheeks, lifting his head up. “Spencer?” My sobs are uncontrollable as my thumbs stroke his freezing cold skin, searching for some sort of life. “Come on, baby,” I resist the urge to shake his head in my hands. “Spence, please, wake up!”

I wait for another second. I get nothing. No eyelids fluttering. No sniffles. No coughing. No vomiting. No screaming. No crying. Nothing. There’s nothing left.

Working through my sobs, I reach into my backpack and fish out the little box I’m searching for. I set it aside momentarily and try to gather Spencer in my arms as best as I can, pushing and dragging him until he is laying on his back in the most comfortable way his lanky body will allow in the cramped bathroom. Gosh, if only Spencer was conscious. He would be freaking out about being on the bathroom floor.

I pull out the nasal spray and administer the Narcan into Spencer’s nostril, tossing it aside and then rolling Spencer onto his side. I don’t dare to tear my eyes away from him, even as I fish my phone out of my backpack and call 911. I babble on about there being a federal agent down and how I’m a federal agent who administered a dose of Narcan and how someone needs to help Spencer now but it all seems like a foreign language to me. Nothing is right anymore. The operator tells me someone will be there soon and to stay on the line, so I set my phone down and lean closer to Spencer.

“Spence?” I wait for a reaction. “Sweetheart, come on, don’t do this to me,” my tears fall onto the floor and create a puddle beside his hands. My trembling hand reaches out to push his hair back, admiring the way his locks curl around my fingers. I admire the way for eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks and how beautiful his lips look. I wish I kissed him when I had the chance. Now I might never get the chance to be with him. The thought makes me cry harder and I double over in agony, crying out for the love that I will never get to have and for the life I will never get to live. I should have told him I loved him when he said it first. How could I be so stupid?

I have no recollection of the paramedics arriving. Being pulled away, kicking and screaming Spencer’s name, is a complete blur of smeared lines and flashes of light. I do what I can to erase the image of Spencer being carried out on a stretcher, his rubberbanded arm dangling off the side, and into an ambulance. I clutch Spencer’s hand and shut out the words of the paramedics as the ambulance speeds to the hospital. I barely even recall being plopped in a waiting room and being told to await further instructions.

I slide down the wall and tuck my head between my knees, hoping that being bent over will minimize the volume of my cries. But it doesn’t and sobs take over my body, leaving me shaking and quivering. If Spencer were with me, he would hold my hand and quietly tell me how many germs are on this floor and statistics on how easy it is to catch and infection in a hospital. He would talk to distract me from the horrible situation going down. But he’s not here and I’m alone and there’s nothing I can do to help.

“Olive?” I ignore Hotch’s voice when I hear it. I pay no attention to his softer than usual tone and I don’t dignify his presence by acknowledging it. I keep my head down and clutched between my knees and try to quiet my cries. Hotch crouches down beside me and tells me how he was notified of the situation and how the team is on the way but I ignore him. He never cared about Spencer before so why should he now?

True to his word, the rest of the team has arrived at the hospital within ten minutes. They form a circle in front of me and bounce around questions about what happened. Is he alive? How much did he take? What did he take? Where is he now? They never address me directly and just keep shooting questions around and receive no answers. It’s exhausting to listen to. I’m exhausted.

“Hey, Olive?” Penelope crunches next to me in the same way Hotch did, placing her hand on my shoulder. I shake it off. She pauses before speaking again. “Could you tell us what happened?”

For the first time, I lift my head. Everyone is in their pajamas and looking just a little less distressed than me. I’m sure I look horrendous. I surely feel horrendous. I’ve never felt worse in my life. I’ve never loved a person so much just to have them ripped out of my life. If Spencer doesn’t recover from this, I know I never will.

“He,” I lift my hands to wipe my cheeks but stop mid-air, wondering just how many germs are on my skin, “overdosed. To my knowledge, he’s been clean for a month and-and-” my lips quiver again, “I guess Gideon leaving was too much for him to handle. He thought he needed drugs to make him feel better.”

JJ leans into Emily’s side, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why didn’t he just call one of us instead of going straight to drugs? We all would have dropped what we were doing and gone to help him.”

The absolutely idiotic statement sets me on fire. I clamber to my feet, sadness replaced with anger within a millisecond. “Really? Would you have?”

JJ furrows her eyebrows and looks to the team for more support. “Of course. Spencer is one of my best friends.”

“We all would have helped him,” Morgan adds.

“Oh, really?” I sneer at them. “Were you there to help him last month when he was detoxing? Did any of you come to see why Spencer and I took three weeks off from work without warning? No! None of you texted or called or visited like real friends do. Did you even care that he obviously had a drug problem? Did any of you notice?”

Emily scoffs at the accusation, her anger starting to rise to mine. “Of course we did! I even asked him about it once and-”

“Once!” I let out the most sarcastic laugh that has ever dripped from my lips. Sleeping patients be damned, I will let out my anger at these inferior ‘friends’ and tell them the truth they need to hear. “You asked him once? Well, I spent three weeks living at his apartment, cooking, cleaning, holding him, reassuring him that he would be okay. And all you did was ask him about it once?” The realization is starting to set in on their faces that maybe this issue is bigger than they thought. “He needed real help and support from his friends, and yeah, he had me but he would have done a lot better if he had all of his closest friends supporting him.” They all fall silent, as they should. They stare at me and each other and everyone cries over their friend who they should have helped.

“Olive,” Hotch murmurs, “when you gave him the Narcan, did he wake up?”

This prompts more tears. “No.”

“Spencer Reid?”

I whip around as fast as I can at the sound of a doctor approaching, leaving the team in the dust to approach him. “Hi, yeah, I’m here for Spencer Reid. I’m his emergency contact.”

The doctor smiles at me and he waves me along, leading me away from the blabbering BAU and towards a room. “So,” the doctor says, “he’s extremely lucky. You administered the Narcan just in time. A few more minutes and Mr. Reid probably wouldn’t have made it.” I barely pay attention to the looming fear of Spencer’s death. If I hadn’t gone running out of the team meeting, Spencer would have died. “We’ve given him the proper medication, he’s in this room, and he should be waking up soon. When he’s feeling better, we can talk about proper treatment and recovery for Mr. Reid.”

I thought that maybe I cried all the tears my body could handle but that is proven wrong. He’s going to be okay. Going through detox again will be hell but now he can get professional help. He’s going to be okay.

I step into Spencer’s room. The sight of him lying in the bed is reminiscent of him lying on the bathroom floor and it makes my head pounds and my heart break. His elbow is bandaged up so his track marks are hidden and his hair is a matted down mess. But even lying there, helpless and in pain, he still looks like the man I fell in love with. The man who learned to braid hair and actually drove a car a few times and went shopping with me just to make me happy. He’s a shell of the man I love but he’s there and I know we will meet again soon.

Spencer starts to stir a moment later, tossing his head side to side gently. I creep over and slide my hand in his, squeezing softly. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet but there are tears streaming down his cheeks, soaking the top hem of his hospital gown. His hand tightens around mine and suddenly, my cheeks match his.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I breathe out, bringing our hands up to my lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “you’re okay. Everything is gonna be okay.”

Spencer lets out a high pitched moan, his head rolling over to face me. “I’m sorry,” he slurs out. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t mean it, Spence. I’m not mad. Just relax. I’ll be right here,” without letting go of his hand, I reach over and push a chair against the side of the bed. “Get some rest.”

“You won’t leave me?”

“No, Spence. I’m never gonna leave you.”

#nikos writing #spencer reid #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x oc

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moonsubinpr · 3 years

Text

[Lee Soo Hyuk — 35 — he/him] Introducing MOON SUBIN. Word on the street is they are a PRESS SECRETARY FOR THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY affiliated with the DEMOCRATIC PARTY. Though they are RESERVED and INTIMIDATING, they can also be DEPENDABLE and HARDWORKING. In the chaos of New York City, they’re sure to fit right in.

Biography. Ask. Wanted Connections.

I. WRITER’S INTRODUCTION

First of all, I want to introduce myself. You all can call me Jackie, and I am a twenty-one year old graduate student residing within the Eastern Standard Timezone (EST). I have been roleplaying for about 10 years now, however, I took a hiatus from writing on Tumblr due to migrating to other platforms that are more mobile friendly in terms of writing. Now that I have a greater availability, as well as not fond of the newfound style of roleplay on platforms such as Twitter or MeWe, I have returned in hopes to better develop characters and build better connections with other writers. Aside from writing, I enjoy spending quality time with my cat, going out to explore newfound areas, thrifting, reading, and watching random reality television shows. I look forward to getting to know everyone! Feel free to message me for plotting, headcanoning, or for a casual conversation.

II. BASICS

NAME: MOON SUBIN

AGE: THIRTY-FIVE

DATE OF BIRTH: 1986 MAY 31

GENDER: CISMALE

PRONOUNS: HE / HIM

SEXUALITY: PANSEXUAL

HOMETOWN: IOWA CITY, IOWA

AFFILIATION: THE GOVERNMENT

JOB POSITION: DISTRICT ATTORNEY’S PRESS SECRETARY

EDUCATION: BA IN JOURNALISM FROM NYU

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLE

CHILDREN: NONE

POSITIVE TRAITS: ELOQUENT, INDEPENDENT, INTELLIGENT, RESPONSIBLE, MATURE, REASONABLE

NEGATIVE TRAITS: RESERVED, BLUNT, INTIMIDATING, DEMANDING, SARCASTIC

FACECLAIM: LEE SOO HYUK

III. POINTS ABOUT THE MUSE

Moon Subin was born into a rather average household in Heukseok-dong, Seoul, South Korea. His mother, a down-to-earth woman with a contagious smile, worked alongside her mother as a food vendor in one of the city’s largest market. The two were acutely known for their blood sausages as well as jangeo-gui (grilled eel). In fact, this is how the young woman met the young businessman. Running from a class with only a few cash in hand, he stopped at mother’s spot, asking for anything he could get with the amount of money available. She laughed at his lack of time management, and he only stated that he’ll make time to see her better next time. The following day, he returned and sat to chat with the woman.

Subin was unplanned. The two were not yet wedded when discovering that the woman fell pregnant. However, never did the young couple refer to the baby as a mistake. Rather, they saw Subin’s life as a blessing to better plan for their fast approaching future. During the time in which the woman was pregnant, the man was offered an opportunity to continue his university studies abroad. Sent to Iowa City, Iowa, the young couple packed their belongings and settled within the United States. It’s in this city where Subin would be born, granting him American citizenship despite his parents yet to become naturalized citizens.

Falling in love with the environment, the mother and father went through various means in order to further extend their stay within the country. From a student visa to a work visa, the father was granted more time to better prepare for the examination of becoming U.S. citizens. While his father began to work in a local company specializing in medical prosthetics, his mother worked at a local Chinese restaurant where she befriended Chinese immigrants who helped her with assimilating into the culture.

Subin grew up in an environment where he witnessed the benefits of hard work. His parents worked many hours in order to provide for him as well as to their community. He found this to be admirable, and this encouraged the young boy to succeed in his academics so that he could provide for his parents in the future.

He became interested in the field of communications due to constantly acting as the translator for his parents when making doctor appointments or trying to pitch the best deal at a cars dealership. Words were fascinating, and he especially thought this was the case after reading a number of novels written by authors such as H.G. Wells and Amy Tan. His interest in communications got him involved with the morning news at his middle school and high school. During his four years at high school, he also participated in Model UN and the Debate team. These involvements were the result of his great achievements in social studies courses, and his teachers encouraged him to get involved with these extracurricular activities.

Due to awards achieved in high school, he was granted a scholarship to attend New York University in New York City. Although his parents did not want him to leave their home, they eventually came to terms that this would be good for his future successes. Thus, he went to attend NYU for a Bachelors in Journalism with a minor in Politics. Thanks to amazing professors and establishing connections through networking events, the young man was able to maintain a number of internships---such as volunteering for the current Governor’s former campaign in the creative team for marketing. He later volunteered alongside CNN professionals, and he gained an internship experience with the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office as Press Office Intern. By the time he graduated from university, he’s already met a number of influential, powerful people of the big city.

Upon graduation, he was able to get a job at the Manhattan District Attorney Office as Press Officer due to his wonderful performance during his internship with the office. He held this position for two years before being promoted as Deputy Press Secretary for the office. However, in less than 2 years, he was able to maintain the Press Secretary position due to the former Press Secretary’s leave to another office. In another year, he was granted the position of Deputy Director of Communications for the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office. Subin held this position up until he was given the opportunity to work as the city’s District Attorney’s main Press Secretary.

During his years working for the city and learning about the mishaps behind the scenes, Subin has been able to learn a lot about the dirty truth. He is aware that some of the crimes dealt with in the office are a result to the existing gangs within the city. Although his DA remains slightly oblivious to the people surrounding them, Subin maintains awareness due to the connections he’s established during interviews as well as conferences. They threaten Subin to keep quiet. They ask Subin to twist the truth. He does what keeps him safe, but he holds the knowledge close to his heart. The quiet man knows a lot----perhaps more than what the gangs wish for him to know, and this can be dangerous. One never knows what he can do with all of this knowledge. He could expose them to the public whenever he dares to do so. If he really wanted to, of course.

But, for now, he keeps quiet. He does his job and remains cordial with those he establishes some sorts of connection with. If someone he cares about, though, ever gets hurt, he’s not sure what he’ll do. No one knows.

IV. WANTED CONNECTIONS

Any and all possible connections within the Government. I would love to further develop and establish connections within the affiliation in order to better understand Subin’s position in the government as well as with Law Enforcement, for he works within the District Attorney Office; therefore, he has connections with lawyers as well as officers. This can be good or bad, I am open to all possibilities.

For those in Media, Subin is responsible for addressing those in Media in order to report information given by the DA. Those in media could have interviewed Subin, have gone to a number of his press hearings, as well as questioned his intentions or morales within this position. Anyone who does not trust him is very much wanted. A person who trusts him a lot is also wanted.

To those in any gang, people who has paid him or threatened him to withhold information from the public is very much wanted. Give me some angst in regard to perhaps threatening his family. Perhaps people question how Subin can offerd such a luxurious home or car, and this could be due to payments accepted from those within these organizations. I am open to anything.

I am also interested in a secret relationship that should not be a relationship, however, the two continue to pursue one another in sexual and romantic rendezvous. Subin is not entirely the most relationship-orientated person, however, due to a lot of stress within his career, some fun would be favorable.

#pinned.#wb.intro

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tigerdrop · 4 years

Note

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........ he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

#asky #writin stuff

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