#ive been thinking a lot about how what I create is treated by the people around me
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Posting personal pieces that are deeply reflective makes you find out who your friends are in a lot of ways
#ive been thinking a lot about how what I create is treated by the people around me#and which ones receive it with love#and which ones barely acknowledge it exists#what and who is interested in my writing and other creations#no one is obligated of course and I would rather no one feel the need to say something just to keep up appearances#and not everyone I consider a friend has something to say#but it is very telling when routinely a small set just...never says shit#I am a selfish beast I crave feedback when I share what I've made because it's like fuel#this also isnt about anyone on tumblr to be clear this is Elsewhere#i know i will never get over like 10 notes on a tumblr art drop
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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.
ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?
its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?
im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.
This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.
I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.
This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.
My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.
With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.
Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.
(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)
But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.
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27.1.2024
—nsfw + chapter 5 spoilers (+ a dash of dark humour)
*Spongebob narrator voice* ah, Bikini Bottom Leviathan's H-scene. One I've been looking forward to, excitedly so. And since this chapter had a fair slice of tragedy, it was sealed with an H-scene as a treat. That's not going to heal the angsty feelings, but into it I shall dive. Look, it rhymes lots of aquatic vocabulary
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intro: the scene's intro screen shows that Leviathan still has his shirt on. And you know what?
WHAT A TURN-ON, THAT'S WHAT
update I: Hades Studios present 'The Sick Chicken' no but I like him SO MUCH. His attitude is a breath of fresh air pun intended but the reasons that played a role in forming it are so sad
update II: MWAHAHAHA GO HARDER ON HER
update III: *clapping like a madwoman* BRAVO, BRAVO!
That's really hot of him, you know. Everything about this is sending me to heaven except for the fact that someone like me obviously can't so much as set a toe on the grounds of Paradise because it doesn't exist but I mean, COME. ON.
The way he let his hand move from her neck to her chin? 'Glowering at you as though he would burn the mark off with his gaze alone'?
HOLY FUCKKKK <3
update IV: GOD NO THIS IS TOO HOT GOD
WOOHOOOOOO
update V: man oh man he's so MMMM
update VI: RAAAAAA
update VII: he speaks to me on a spiritual level trying not to inject angst into this by bringing up what caused him to feel this way
So, Leviathan. You, me, parking lot, 'who hates people more' contest, 5PM. I'm not hanging anyone tho maybe actually, scratch that. We're hanging horrible people together like we're Harley Quinn and the Joker, baby
update VIII: pfff 'how fair of you'
His reaction, though? So confident. So fucking sexy. Yours truly is already a dead girl, but at the moment she's dying, dying, dying beyond death
And wdym 'he smirked, but even then he was so beautiful yada yada' like dude, he's more beautiful BECAUSE he's smirking, BECAUSE of his arrogant spite
update IX: I'm really glad she considered his feelings and didn't immediately agree to have sex with him. Truth be told, this came as quite the pleasant surprise, because while she does have moments in which she's considerate, I don't view this particular MC as someone who's truly capable of being sensitive to others that much. Sure, she didn't directly agree to sleep with Belial when he offered because she thought he was still unwell, but here I honestly still expected her to just jump right in and not think twice about Leviathan's feelings, so I was very happy when she said this instead; she didn't focus on the fact that he dislikes her, but rather on not risking hurting him should he not want to do this with her. He's definitely attracted to you though, MC. He's just not on good terms with the concept of expressing his feelings relatable as fuck
I know how this may have sounded harsh or mean of me—and it's not meant to be offend anyone—but the truth is that this MC wasn't created with 'gentle and sweet' in mind; the way her brain is hardwired to tirelessly daydream about sexual things has lead her to be insensitive at times (with painfully questionable intelligence to top it off, sorry) as seen in certain instances.
update X: kinda cute. Juuuust a little bit.
...that straightforwardness is edible
update XI: he's brutally honest and his gestures are subtle, and that makes them so sensual. In other words, THIS TICKLES MY FANCY
update XII: he says something like this with an expression like that. YEEEES he looks so sweetly smug too godddd
Also: lol @ 'you MAY turn me on' = [access permitted]
update XIII: my point exactly
update XIV: his attitude is so good. SO good. He's domineering and deliberately giving her a hard time lol sufferrrr, MC on a sadder note, he also won't talk about himself because it's really hard for him to give his trust after what happened to him...
update XV: I can stand behind that. I LIKE it. Vibe with it, agree with it. I REALLY DOOO
update XVI: he...really just asked her to hit and choke him, didn't he?
[MASOCHISTIC TARGET LOCATED] sometimes physical pain feels nice, Leviathan, I getchu, but being hit and strangled isn't a brand of pain I would, um, choose for myself. Whatever makes u hard happy tho, ig. Rock on, king
update XVII: the jealousyyyyy <3
update XVIII: 'Leviathan thought he was going crazy'
You know who's also going to go crazy reading this? ME. My God, this many screenshots and the railing hasn't started yet
update XIX: to be honest, I'm not fond of choking, slapping, spanking, and the like, so I'm most likely not going to like what's coming next much lol but let's move on, shall we now?
update XX: damn, he's provoking her so hard to make her beat the fuck out of him, and lo and behold, he's getting what he wants. She might as well just tear his soul out at this rate or send him to his maker but where the hell is God? jk jk this chapter made it clear that Leviathan can take a shit ton of hits trauma and stay alive good god it's the blackness of my soul my dark humour speaking forgive me omfg it's not me I swear I s—I SAID WHAT I SAID
This part is kinda funny so far, what with how MC has gone batshit insane on him. That being said, it's really nice how she cares about Minhyeok so much that it's the foundation of her rage and the reason Satan's wrath burns in her, urging her to harm Leviathan in a frenzy after he said ruthless things about Minhyeok. Meanwhile, Leviathan is so busy trying to get turned on that he's neither jealous nor envious of that lmao
update XXI: this is going to sound weird coming from me when I'm somewhat of a sadist who likes dark themes, loves horror and gore, and enjoys seeing torture in certain scenarios do I sound like the freak I am yet? and when I just made such a fucked up joke with good intentions too, but...MC hurting Leviathan over and over like this summons a feeling of discomfort and remorse in my heart even if I completely put away my dislike for consensual violence in sexual acts.
Leviathan's past and the possible psychological implications behind his fondness of undergoing physical harm make this part somewhat painful to read, because perhaps his arousal from being hurt has something to do with what he went through as a child (i.e. it may be a coping mechanism of a sort).
When I think of it that way, coupled with the horrific aspects of his childhood—the pain being inflicted on him messes with my emotions. Then again, this could just be his personal preference and not have deeper meanings. Either way, the game holds true to its themes and maintains excellent dark perspectives, and as I always say, I'll never dislike that. In fact, PB better keep these founding concepts intact.
update XXII: oh god DON'T STOMP HIS PP
NOT THE PP
STAY AWAY FROM PP HE NEEDS IT YOU NEED IT
update XXIII: no but EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOSTLY THE DRIPPING HORNS (AS ALWAYS) AND HIM UNBUCKLING HIS OWN PANTS (AS SHE WATCHES TOO LORD MY KINK'S DEVOURING THIS) AND THE PRE AND—
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Why is his horns' liquid not white like the others, though?
update XXIV: THAT EXPRESSION
THE CONTRAST WITH HIS NORMAL SELF
MC, GIRLLLLLL BITE THAT TONGUE
update XXV: "HOW DARE YOU FEEL PLEASED?!"—MC to Leviathan of Hades, 2024
She's going to choke him to death rip him apart piece after piece, limb by limb, shred upon shred Ronové would back her up nicely oh god it's the dark humour again excuse me
But it's so damn sexy how he's the one controlling her, yet she's the one wrecking him
update XXVI: YOOOO I'M GONNA DIE THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS SO—
update XXVII: PP goes 'fwop'
update XXVIII: he is SUCH a mess YESSSS u should get even messier, Leviathan, you MUST
update XXIX: he insists on making eye contact no matter what. FUCK YES. And the teasing? FUCK YEAHHHHH
update XXX: I LOVE I SAID I LOVE—
update XXXI: so, so hot
YAAAAAA
update XXXII: her wrapping her arms around his neck and then both of them just being so dazed out of their minds that the no-more-strangling move is not bothersome anymore...*sigh* pls feed me moreeeeee
update XXXIII: bro 'frantically licked' sent me. MC, slurping on Leviathan's horn like her life depends on it: boy am I thirsty
The horns are a blessing, they're everything. And he's so messed up by the lick lick what she's doing that he can't even form a sentence (likely an insult to hide how fucked out of his mind that made him feel)
update XXXIV: THIS JUST FED ME MORE FR FR MY STOMACH HURTSSS HE'S DESPERATE and dang, I didn't know even hearts could reach climax. You learn something new everyday lol nah, I get what they mean
So fucking hot how they kept kissing until they couldn't breathe my kind of thing a VERY pleasing display of Leviathan's kink, yes
update XXXV: squelch...squelch...squish squish, slurp slurp, anyone?
Guess this writing style wasn't reserved for Tartaros's boys after all :( Bimet and I are fake-crying in the distance
update XXXVI: does he mean the tormenting or the fucking?
Because if he's referring to sex, I offer Minhyeok my condolences. MC's never going to fuck you senseless or at all, hon. Sorry, but u should've known better, BFF boy :( I know no mercy
update XXXVII: Leviathan feeling happy because of her reply and him replying with "good. It should stay like that"? So possessiveeee <3 no more images fit
Kinda melting over how his envy didn't flare up and anger him like it did in the beginning 'cause the brutality sex softened him for the moment
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+notes: I was violently wishing for a Leviathan's-clothes-are-still-on-during-sex CG, so when the CG came up and there was no MC on top of him, I was disappointed for a short minute short because then I looked at his face and his godly position spread legs and how he's on the ground like that...mmm lol
It's a change of pace, new. For WHB, at least—since it isn't like previous CGs—but it's heart-throbbing in its own way; seeing cold, pretty Leviathan on the floor like that, meek with his red cheeks...slurp a delicacy.
Ahem, anyways. The CG took me down memory lane somewhat, back to my first otome-playing-days from about 10+ years ago. Whenever the 'Happy Ending' CG was of the male lead alone, I always disliked that because I WANTED TO SEE *THE COUPLE* DOING THINGS, DAMMIT (even though the wildest things players saw characters do in CGs back in those days were mostly kisses lol until they got more daring, that is).
So yeah, while I did feel sort of disappointed when I first saw this CG, while I do prefer CGs like those of previous H-scenes, and while I still wish I could've seen Leviathan and MC in action, at the same time this CG is *chef's kiss* for obvious reasons and also due to how I feel like it suits Leviathan very well in a way. He's built walls about his heart and boundaries around himself, so it's as though the game won't let players see him like they did the men before him (in the main story), if that makes sense. I'm also hoping his shirt stayed on during sex
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edit: I just inspected opened the CG in the album for a, um, better view and...MC is grabbing Leviathan's PP? Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaah that's so YESSSS
RAAAAAA
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Round 2
Propaganda Under Cut
Allura
Lots of people (myself included tbh) ship klance (Keith and Lance). In s8 the creators made Allura/Lance canon (but then they killed her off and left the ending ambiguous it was weird). Anyway the fandom treats her like she's the most terrible bitchy woman ever but all she wants to do is end the war and avenge her destroyed home planet. Yeah she wasn't always the nicest or always the best, but you could argue some other characters in the show aren't either and they aren't treated near as bad as allura. people really just hate her bc Lance liked her. I don't think allura/lance are good together, but I still liked her as a character and thought she was interesting and had a lot of growth during the show. she DEF is not evil like some people portray her as in fic or talk about her in captions on posts. I've seen people say that they HATE her and that she's the worst and I'm like ??? let her live (well sort of ig she is dead now). lots of fic writers use her as the villain which is so interesting to me bc the show literally has villains like use them. anyway allura so perfectly fits the bracket description she deserves better.
I hate to acknowledge my time in this fandom but I hate the way the fandom treated her more. Allura was treated like shit no matter what side of the Great Ship War you were on because she was always a threat to the biggest ships (klance and sheith). At best she got put into Background Lesbian or Consolation Prize Shallura (Space Mom-zoned) (She was not a motherly figure btw. She was just Black). At worst she was violently demonized for being ~racist~ (kinda not cool with the alien race that blew up her planet for a few episodes), complete with misogynistic language hurled at her (she got called a bitch sooo much). Allura was a good and cool character and the show did her dirty but the fandom was somehow worse.
i apologise for speaking the dark magicks, but amidst the voltron fandoms many, many transgressions, there were a particular subset of people who just hated this girl. the infamous klance wars of the 2010s kept this perfectly fine childrens cartoon character in the sights of shippers everywhere, and she (and her voice actress im sure) were subjected to years of petty squabble blown up to global perportions. ive seen hate, ive seen rants, ive seen fanfics that made her homophobic. girls been through the ringer, and even though voltron was never the show its fandom wanted it to be, i believe allura deserved better
Mary Morstan
a controversial one i know, but it’s tumblr. how could i not? anyway shoutout to the writers for CANONICALLY killing her off for the non-canon ship. she was so cool honestly poor girl
Oh god where do I start? Constantly being turned abusive? Killed off (in canon!)? Constantly being removed from fic? I cannot stand the way she's treated, but it's 100% impossible to find Johnlock fic without the "umsympathetic Mary Morstan" angle. It's infuriating!
The fandom insulted Mary at every conceivable turn, refused to acknowledge her narrative importance or impact on the other characters, called for her death repeatedly, and even SENT DEATH THREATS TO HER ACTRESS because she had the AUDACITY to be a morally gray female character who was married to John (they did not care about the moral grayness of the male characters, but she was irredeemable, apparently-presumably because she was a "threat" to the main fandom ship). And though she was definitely sacrificed on a SPECIFIC mlm ship altar, she was still tangentially victimized by OTHER mlm ships too! For example, this fandom was willing to make up a character WHO LITERALLY DID NOT ACTUALLY EXIST to ship with different male character (who was morally...way worse than she ever was), as well as create swathes of content about two men who had maybe one canon interaction in the whole show, before even thinking about the possibility of making content for this character or even just talking about her in a way that wasn't overtly misogynistic and degrading. When Mary died in-story (in what, in my opinion, was an unnecessary, bullshit way), her death was, to this fanbase, not actually about her and was just seen as "proof" that the two male leads would now get together (they didn't). And this STILL continues to this day. People reduce her to "selfish bitch," completely ignoring any of her complexity by claiming that she's incapable of caring about anyone (despite helping to save lives on more than one occasion, as well as dying in an act of sacrifice) and insisting that any of her positive qualities MUST be completely fabricated. I've seen a lot of female characters get mistreated by fandom for a mlm ship's sake, but I don't think I've EVER encountered an example as bad as this one.
#poll#round 2#vld#voltron legendary defender#voltron#princess allura#allura vld#bbc sherlock#sherlock#mary morstan#mary watson
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OHHH OK now im curious. bc of this ask: https://www.tumblr.com/bonefall/729548700508160000/could-be-like-my-cousin-shes-100-percent-deaf-in?source=share
about dovewing being deaf. do cats in the BB AU have a signed form of clanmew? or is it basic gestures/just the written form of clanmew for deaf/HOH cats?
signed,
someone who really loves languages
(hoping to god i spelled everything right/actually used the right words. ive been rewatching 3 hour psych lectures sine 6am...)
They have a rudimentary writing system! Clan glyphs be upon ye
It's not phonetic Clanmew, it's glyphs. Snowkit, before his tragic death saving Tawnykit, was actually OBSESSED with these. If he'd survived, he would have built these out into something he could use to communicate with. He was actually a really interesting kid.
But, unfortunately... that passion went with him. Whitewing is the next cat born with a hearing problem, and she's really uninterested in them. She isn't the same creative person that he was, and struggled with the fact that her family seemed to imply she had to "live the life he couldn't."
(note: in BB, dovewing is lionblaze's adopted daughter and bio-niece.)
I think there's going to be a big of a tragedy at play, here. Whitewing has figured out her own methods of communication. It's not a full language, but she's able to communicate basic intent with "rudimentary signs" she's created on her own.
She was only ONE degree of separation away from Dovewing (as Birchfall's, Dove's mentor, mate), but...everyone was forcing Dovewing into what THEY felt she needed. More hunting practice, more glyph practice, more lip-reading. Dovewing wasn't allowed to set her own pace or learn in her own way.
And her response was to bolt, taking all the possibility with her.
IT was the right choice for Dovewing, I think. She thinks that too. But, it wasn't the ONLY choice, you know? There's always things left unsaid and things you'll never be able to try when you make such a big decision. Who knows what could have been?
Maybe Dove and White would have ended up creating the start of a brand new dialect of Clanmew Sign Language, or changed the glyph system in a way that fit them better. Maybe that's not what matters; maybe they would have just been able to make each other feel less alone.
But as it is...
Every deaf, HOH, and mute cat in BB is currently disconnected from each other. They can't pool their skills except at Gatherings.
So Fallowfern, Dovewing, Whitewing, and Stoneclaw all have their own unique way of communicating.
There are tail signs which are used for battle, and glyphs which are used for writing.
Info: Those who go deaf later in life are still usually able to speak. Those who were born deaf often have a harder time. (Clarifying because this is apparently not common knowledge?)
OH! Bonus! Here's how each of those four tend to communicate!
Dovewing
She's REALLY frustrated by everyone forcing solutions on her. I think part of her actually really likes that she can say whatever and then not hear the response. It's like, "Deal with it. Show me you care with your actions if it's so important."
ZERO patience for people who just try to talk over her. She will immediately respect you if you listen to her carefully; only then will she give you the time of day to try and talk back. She kinda treats it like a privilege to talk to her, and she WILL revoke it without remorse.
People who have earned this privilege;
Heartstar. Naturally. And all of their children.
All of the Guardian cats, especially Antfur who is her best friend.
Violetshine, weirdly enough. She visits ShadowClan now and then and Dovewing is very fond of her and her wife and husband.
Strikestone and her new family
Squirrelflight
Briarlight
Alderheart and Sparkpelt
Twigbranch
Fernsong (BUT HE IS ON THIN. ICE. As Ivypool's husband.)
Her preferred method of being talked to is glyph writing. Heartstar is really creative with them, and it's super endearing. She improvises signs a lot and draws full pictures, making whole "doodle pages", even writing little "love letters" in the dirt before Dove wakes up. Literally peak romance, Dovewing loves her wife so muchhh
Whitewing
Also has low patience, but in a more "quick" way. She doesn't like people who take a lot of her time trying to phrase something simple and act awkwardly around her. Time is prey to Whitewing-- cut to the chase and communicate what you need her to do.
Interestingly, this leads to her really disliking Bramblestar as a leader. He's very inattentive to her needs when he organizes patrols on his own. She has very strong opinions and bad synergy with some of her Clanmates, and if she's forced on a patrol with them it ruins her day.
(She's really relieved when Squilf is reinstated post-BOTTE, Squilf knows about this quirk and accounts for it.)
Her love with Birchfall was actually a long time in the making. He really sees her, and something about the way they communicate just clicks. It's easy. They were friends, then partners, and then eventually mates and have been close their whole lives. Their body language just makes sense to each other.
She's been deaf her whole life and only knows a few very important words, but won't "speak" words if she doesn't have to. She does have a habit of making noises when she's happy though, beeping, meowing, and meeping when she's surprised and "not in work mode."
Whitewing is the kind of deaf cat in those videos who sees their human is home and goes "MEEEEEEEEEA." She would walk into a bathroom and wail so she could feel the vibrations on her paws. Vocalizing feels good. She is NOT a quiet person unless she's hunting.
Her preferred method of communication is mostly modified tail signs, but ThunderClan broadly uses glyphs, but she doesn't want to correct them on it. She feels bad telling them it's frustrating that they take so long to draw.
Stoneclaw
She has selective mutism. Her vigil was the night of the WindClan Massacre, and while sitting outside the camp with her temporary silence, ShadowClan attacked and killed her sister Thrushwing in front of her.
At first, WindClan thought it was nobility, that she'd "carried out her vigil to the bitter end." But it never healed. It's not a choice, it's trauma. She can speak when she's extremely relaxed but it's a really rare circumstance.
But, the legacy is to her benefit. She's the granddaughter of Tallstar (through Flylight, his adopted son), has an honorable story, and is a strong and confident warrior... in the daytime. She never hunts at night, when the sun sets, so does she.
(Clan cats are crepuscular, working in the morning and in the evening, but Stoneclaw only takes daylight shifts.)
Glyphs serve her fine, but she really dislikes using tail signs to communicate... brings up really bad memories.
She would REALLY benefit from someone making an effort to "legitimize" some sort of CSL, it would be like a support club to her. SO if it ever happened, Stoneclaw would jump at the chance to join. She's probably friends with Fallowfern though, once SkyClan arrives. Stoneclaw lives to become a very old girl.
Fallowfern
Mom of the Road Safety Man, guy who knows a million words for vehicles, Rabbitleap, and best friend and co-parent with Hawkwing, Plumwillow, Fallowfern is an old cat who ends up losing her hearing later in life like Dovewing!
I'm actually not entirely decided on her personality, but I'm feeling that she'd make a really good "glue" to hold everyone together. Like some kind of organizer-type person, someone who's very good at networking. She's really upset to be losing her hearing, it signifies a lot of really negative things to her.
She suddenly can't talk with a lot of people... even the ones who are reaching out to her are doing exactly that. Reaching out to her.
She likes being the reacher-outerer. It feels like being old and washed up.
SkyClan is a very good, connected Clan, with bonds notoriously VERY strong in comparison to the other Forest Four because of shared persecution... but
She's got this awful feeling that everyone's just coddling her, being nice to her, sending her to the elder's den like a trinket on a shelf.
"Does this mean... does this mean I'm going to lose music? Will anyone dance with me ever again? Do my babies want me to join them, or... or are they just tolerating stinky old mama <:( ?"
They're NOT, btw. Of course not. She's Fallowfern and she means a lot to them.
So I think at the VERY least, she finds a fondness for Stoneclaw at Gatherings. Elder friends, girlies who bond over making little grandma bracelets, but I'm not sure if it's HIT them yet that they can do something very cool together.
In fact it would be kind of funny if they weren't even aware of each other's disabilities at first, like they just started hanging out quietly. Fallowfern assumed that Stoneclaw just doesn't have anything to say and Stoneclaw figured Fallowfern was respecting her silence.
Like something just gravitated them to each other in the most natural, orbital way.
And then Snapstorm, Stoneclaw's wife, bumbles up like "Hey babe who's your friend :) ?" And Stoneclaw smiles, nods at Fallowfern to introduce herself, and then Fallow's like... "Oh I can't hear you, honey."
Stone: !!! (Taps self and makes a crossing motion over her throat)
Fallow: O_O "Ohhhh"
BUT, anyway,
Her preferred form of communication is unequivocally glyphs. I imagine SkyClan might have more written characters than other Clans, simply because they used them a LOT during their time apart under Spiderstar's Plan. Plus, they used to see a lot of road signs which they may have just adopted as glyphs.
Hmm... yeah, seems very cute that The Road Family's traffic theme continues, lmao
#better bones au#deafness#disability#BB!Dovewing#BB!Fallowfern#BB!Stoneclaw#BB!Whitewing#Muteness but only for Stoneclaw#Also I need to add more deaf cats to RiverClan. Going deaf and noseblind is actually REALLY common there#So it's weird that RiverClan is the only one here with none#That's what dirty riverwater does to you#Especially from Chelford that water was FILTHY#Sanctuary Lake's water is pristine. It's like that Mewtwo crater water. SpARKLIN#tw ableism
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TW: SUICIDE MENTION, VIOLENCE
i knew i said i would take a little break, but ive been mentally declining a lot and drawing my silly guys is my way of coping. I never actually properly drew Wendy from 2301, so im filling in the blanks.
I'd like to think of her as a person who never actually... grows up. She just kinda gets taller and more sad over time. Wendy was always very vulnerable but cheerful, and House kinda groomed her into a serious and politically aware person, still unbelievably vulnerable but a viable subject nonetheless. I always had this problem with writing her relationship with another canon character, no one realistically would give a fuck about her and her opinions. Sure, maybe Arcade will pity Wendy because she's "stupid" from a neurotypical point of view, but other than that, she doesn't have any weight in any political conversation that's going on in the Mojave. So I made her really fucking stubborn. Annoyingly so. Wendy just... gets the job done. She's resourceful, efficient and very easy to manipulate. A perfect fit for a House's courier, I think. She doesn't question his orders, she does not care for consequences as long as she has House as her cover (a trait she inherited from her step-father) and she's sometimes sociopathic and numb to voices of empathy. Not in a "edgelord murder killer girl" way but more like. She doesn't see people who hurt her as humans. A coping mechanism that would probably be the end of her, sometime in the future. I mean, she did confront Benny and got really physical. There was no way she could've win a fight against a grown ass man, and Benny did beat the shit out of her, but in the end he was the one with a cracked open skull. I just like to think that her pure madness and helplessness was enough to fuel her mind and overpower something she had no chance against in the first place. SPEAKING OF CHANCE. That's why I think she would totally get along with Chance, the Khan from the comic. I don't really put a thought about how he would've survived or joined her, but they're pretty much soulmates. They have very different backgrounds, personalities, literally anything, but Chance recognises her rage. Her inability to do what's right and the constant fight against unfightable (?) circumstances she's facing every day. I'd like to think he's autistic too. As a treat.
So yeah, she's super uncertain about anything in her life, and that makes her a very useful tool in the hands of a right man. Mr. House mastefully manipulated her personality in a conventional way, taught her the secret and mysterious knowledge of "masking" and sat her down for a few years to teach her ways of the capital and created this really sad but smart and charismatic politician with no real political voice whatsoever. She's also very cute and sweet looking so yeah. He made himself a Tandi. 😭😭 Also he scanned her brains, which would totally not be a big plot point for the future.
Almost perfect, but Sharky is here too, for some reason. He's the biggest pain in the House's ass since Benny. He has a certain emotional intellect, not easy to bribe or manipulate in mental or physical way, he really fucking cares for his sister, and is very aware of the things The Big Guy does to her. See, Sharky wasn't raised by his sister, she was a child herself at that time, and his mother didn't play much role either, too busy bickering with Aletus and then later too busy drinking and fucking in Gomorrah. Sharky was raised by the Strip and the rules of Wasteland. He might not be the smartest guy alive, but emotionally he's mature beyond belief. He's very observant, empathetic and cunning person. Even tho he was mute most of his childhood because of child neglect and untreated autism, he has incredible social skills and a Yes-man in his basement he found while renovating the Tops. He has a plan. Not a good one, but a plan nonetheless.
I have so much OC material I'm ought to write a fanfic. Or a comic, idk. In my dreams, sure, but it's still refreshing to talk about my ocs and draw them, and recieving feedback and praise for my storytelling skills 😭😭😭 it means a lot. Thank you all for reading this far!!!
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how to get over the belief that you "can't shift" ☆ (getting rid of limiting beliefs)
HI THERE MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL STARS! I know it's been a while since I made an original post but I wanted to stop by because I've been getting increasingly more questions about this both from people on here and people in my real life. I actually enlisted help from @my-reality-my-rules for one of my friends and she was very helpful. I wanted to just come on here and make a little step by step list of how I would go about dissolving limiting beliefs.
I actually have had to do this before with one belief: I realized a good way into my shifting journey that I believed that shifting is real, but I didn't believe that I could do it. That it was a me problem, essentially. So here are the steps I took to kinda reframe that mindset and work on getting rid of that belief!
i. Identify your limiting belief
This is obviously very important—this can just be a self-reflection type thing, or you can ask your spirit guides. @alexaprentiss on Tik Tok I think I made a video about this (we all know how I feel about getting info from Tik Tok but I like this one) where you lie/sit down, get comfy, take some deep breaths, and when you feel that your mind is pretty clear, you ask yourself, "Why am I not shifting?" or "What's stopping me from getting what I want?" and the first thing that pops in your head is your answer. Repeat this as many times as you need to get a clear answer. Sometimes they require a little sleuthing—for example, a friend of mine got the word "fear," and she took some time to decipher that it meant she had a deep-rooted fear of getting hurt in her DR (it's a Marvel DR, so I think it's about, you know, the violence n stuff) and she had to change up her script a bit in accordance with that.
For me, I figured out my limiting belief before I saw that Tik Tok. I was just kinda reminiscing one day and kinda wondering what was stopping me or what was so hard about it, and it kinda just popped into my head that I didn't think I could do it. I knew that I believed in shifting as a concept but I didn't believe that I personally could do it. And it was kinda revolutionary for me? That's when I worked on figuring out the root of the problem and adopting a mindset that challenged that belief.
ii. try to understand why you have that specific belief—it can give you your solution
A lot of our limiting beliefs stem from other, more foundational beliefs. For example, mine came from the fact that I tend to overthink everything I do. Whether it's singing or acting, I tend to get in my own way and self sabotage. A common theme in my life is that I surprise myself with my own abilities when I don't think. So understanding why exactly I had this limiting belief led me to understand how I could fix it.
Try to understand why that limiting belief exists. If you got into shifting from its early Tik Tok days, you may believe it's hard because everyone treated it like it was a freaking battle back then. Then, once you understand that, you can take steps towards convincing yourself that it's easy.
iii. understand that it is just a belief, not facts
This is something that took me so long to recognize! Your limiting beliefs are just that—beliefs. They are not facts. Beliefs can be changed and modified if you have the will and determination, facts cannot. So don't look at your limiting beliefs as immovable roadblocks, look at them instead as little cuts that you need to take steps to heal. Don't be intimidated by them because even on your worst days you are infinitely stronger than them. The human mind can overcome so much, you can deal with a limiting belief or two.
iv. challenge it!
Once you've identified the belief and know why it's there, you can take steps to get rid of it. You can go about this however you want, but you really want your goal to be severing whatever emotional bond you may have with these limiting beliefs. Anytime you feel yourself slipping into that thinking that your limiting belief creates, cut it off as soon as you recognize it.
Use affirmations, visualize, hell you can even manifest a new belief thru the lullaby method (I like doing that one). Just do whatever you can to show that limiting belief who's the boss.
There you go! I hope this can help you guys out and help you to remove your limiting beliefs! Remember that absolutely nothing can stop you from shifting and you are the key to your success. Go shift by lovely stars!
Xx, Astra
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(making my own post after being in someones replies again lol) i do think there was kind of a Moment on tumblr in i wanna say circa 2019-2021 where a lot of the accumulated biphobia that was present in the lgbt community at large and in particular on tumblr sort of blew up into a number of bi bloggers starting to talk a lot more on the subject and make a lot of posts explaining the material consequences of biphobia, the lack of support bisexuals have always gotten from the rest of the community, the specific biphobic opinions/takes that are popular both offline and in online communities, and also a lot of conversations about bisexuality, what its like to be bisexual, what it means to us, a ton of education on bisexual history, a lot of trans and nonbinary bisexuals talking about how bisexuality interacts w our genders, etc. at the time and being involved in all of this tangentially it felt a bit like a sort of tumblr bisexual renaissance where the pot finally boiled over and a ton of us started to be really loud and in your face about bisexuality and biphobia. i think this was a major reason for why a lot of takes that had previously been very widespread and either accepted or at least treated as debatable (thinking about butch/femme discourse for example) got rolled back and a lot of people who had been very casually biphobic all over the place suddenly changed their tune, switched their public opinions, and started sharing a lot more of support for bisexuals (though, tbh, i dont think i have seen literally one apology for past biphobia).
i do think there was some discourse that went a bit too far and ended up counterproductive (ive personally rolled back a lot of my past anger about the pansexuality vs bisexuality shit into a view that i think is a lot more charitable and community-oriented), but overall bisexuals on here did a lot of work to get heard, get understood, and get some much-needed support by the rest of the lgbt community, and there were also a lot of behind the scenes conversations where bi people created spaces like very active discord servers where bisexuality was explored in-depth among bisexuals, which tbh i largely credit for me being able to comfortably identify as bigender.
but, well, this Moment of bisexuals being loud and proud about bisexuality and refusing to continue to tolerate biphobia was met with, like, extremely caustic and vicious backlash which has led SO many bi bloggers who i followed, knew, was in servers and dms with, was/am friends with etc to either quit tumblr or move to new blogs where they only keep around vetted people and no longer widely engage w the topic of biphobia. my alter ran one of those blogs which i dont think could have really been qualified as popular, but which had a ton of constant interaction and some really big posts, all of which led to daily biphobic harassment as well as scrutiny of every other part of his identity and repeated cruelty about things that it was incredibly inappropriate for people to attack him on - some of you who followed him will recall the repeated attacks and accusations of ableism for his 'weird' typing style, despite a disclaimer on his blog that he types like this bc of autism+adhd+did, as well as a lot of vitriol and aggression which i think was at least partially racially motivated. like, im not even willing to disclose the url or his name here because im STILL paranoid about getting harassed years after he deactivated, which, like many others i know, he did because the constant biphobia was so bad for his mental health that the blog even just continuing to exist was not sustainable.
im not sure to what degree the conversations that were started on here during this time are continuing - im not seeing much of it anymore, but then again maybe im just not following the people having them - but it certainly feels like that Moment has died down now, though i certainly still feel the aftereffects in how a lot of people have changed their stances on bisexuality. it does feel like an acute loss still that so many bi people were effectively shut down and harassed off tumblr or into silence and reclusiveness by the backlash to bisexuals speaking out (and this especially imo affected bisexuals of color, especially black bisexuals, as per usual on tumblr). i miss the posts i would get to read daily as well as the very active discord servers and other conversations i got to be privy to at the time. i think this, as much as the discussions on biphobia themselves, rendered very explicit the degree of biphobia thats present within the lgbt community. as soon as a number of bisexuals got fed up with it and started to talk about it openly, the open and unashamed biphobia also ramped up.
ig the thing im stuck on is - were not talking about it as much, but all the people who dedicated themselves to harassing bisexuals into silence for years are still here. some stances have been changed and a lot of performative "we love bisexuals!" posts got shared but ultimately the work is still cut out for us going forward. however, i dont think i or my alter will be doing any of that work on tumblr in the future. the focus will have to be on real-life community to spare ourselves the backlash that comes from speaking about this on here.
idk, not sure how to end this whole tirade. i just happened to be thinking about all this earlier today and a mutual brought it up again just now so its on my mind. i do still miss that sense of heightened bisexual community that came from all of this. i personally not only was able to re-identify as bisexual after identifying as gay for a few years bc these conversations led me to reevaluate my sexuality in a more accepting light, but also i unlearned a ton of internalized biphobia which i had not only tolerated but often strongly believed myself, usually with a sort of self-flagellating notion of "i have to bow down to the rest of the community and accept that my opinion is inherently lesser because bisexuality is an inferior sexuality" which i only stopped believing after being in these bisexual communities. ig i just have to be content with the circle of bi friends ive built both online and offline and what benefits ive gained from these discussions.
#97#long post#and tbqh i can still think of some specific popular bloggers who were super biphobic before this and suddenly changed their tune#and who ngl i have not forgiven! most of them i still have blocked despite their 180 turn into 'bisexual positivity' posting.#primarily bc of the aforementioned 'no acknowledgment of past biphobia was ever there just silently deleting old posts and changing dnis'
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hi! im not sure if you answered this question before and i was js thinking about it but what made you write ABM? were there moments in the bible with them in it that led to write it?
I think I've answered this once or twice, and each time, it's kind of difficult to answer. it's a mix of personal reasons. and theology questions mostly. here is a super long explanation, re-stating what i've said before but adding some new things.
sorry this is very long but i am stuck in a car. also cw for f slur use:
personal reasons - ive mentioned this sparingly but i had a conversion therapy experience when i was much younger and was raised in a very christian community (where i still somewhat remain). i struggle horribly with mental issues related to that and other traumatic experiences related to where i was raised and by who. i needed to write about it a little.
theology reasons - after i went crazy in 2021, i read the bible and i got really stuck on this question about what "made" the devil so evil. Paradise Lost pins the blame on god creating humans and asking angels to bow for them with Lucifer refusing (and many christians seem to believe this) but that's borrowed from Islam. (The Dante levels to hell, and most of the concept of hell, too, are borrowed (stolen?) from Islam). I looked for what the Bible really said and I saw that it just... didn't say anything. A lot of the lines about Lucifer are only dubiously about Lucifer, such as the lines in Ezekiel 28 that make up the epigraph for ABM. Most theologians will just say, oh well Lucifer is more of a mythological figure, and i agree. but Revelation makes it clear there was a rebel angel, the devil was an angel, so if we want to treat the bible like it's coherent, we have to take those dubious lines to be about lucifer/satan/the-devil.
but those lines only say, you became proud on account of your beauty. and they also say You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created ; innocent. beautiful and innocent.
Lucifer is beautiful, or handsome, in all his depictions — at least in his depictions as an angel. but it's rarely the focus. and it was the "blameless" part that got me. innocent. in a lot of depictions, lucifer is born wrong, or lucifer's goodness is so delicate that he might never have been good at all. but if the bible says lucifer was a beautiful and innocent angel - what happened? the bible says he became proud on account of his beauty; he was so beautiful that it ruined his innocence, so beautiful it "spoiled" his "wisdom"
but what is the power of beauty in heaven?? angels are not supposed to marry. what do you do with beauty. just admire? and why would god make an angel so much prettier and perfect than the rest. his favorite. the "anointed one" , anointed one for what?
there's only one line Michael says in the bible; he says "the lord rebuke you" to the devil. i started thinking about them; i had seen so many Michael defeating Satan statues all my life. michael never looks happy in them. usually, his face is solemn. i started asking the people around me about michael and lucifer. people told me that they were friends once, they really loved each other once. this isn't in the bible; i dont know why everyone just had this feeling of them
i read through ezekiel again, closer. i reached that part about Jerusalem and saw all the language of beauty and corruption again:
Your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign Lord.
But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his. You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. You went to him, and he possessed your beauty (Ezekiel 16)
my confusion about the Ezekiel 28 Lucifer lines was that i just couldn't understand how beauty led to corruption, and here in Ezekiel 16, the answer was sex and unfaithfulness and a jealous, violent god.
i was also having a lot of thoughts about angel gender and sexuality, just because of course i was and because of reading Paradise Lost. christians like to treat angels like these non-sexual things, but the story of Sodom is about wanting to have gay sex with angels, Genesis still holds the remnants of the Book of Enoch and its story about angels having sex on earth, Jesus denies angels marriage (and thereby sex) in the New Testament, and angel Gabriel is the one who tells Mary that she's going to carry god's child through immaculate non-sex conception. there was just... all this weird forbidden sexuality attached to them. they can't have sex with the men in sodom, they can't have sex with the women in enoch, they can't have sex with each other. John Milton says they do, but i think he just wanted to be kind to them.
In paradise lost, raphael says, of course we have sex with each other. of course we love. because "without Love, no happiness"
but moving onto the series as a whole, i just thought how weird all biblical events must feel for angels. everything bad is happening because one of your own was so beautiful that he went crazy, and now you all bow for these weird, human men. and the bible mentions that angels cheered when the earth was made, so surely there was a time of angels before man (if u will) that they must all remember so sadly now
but these are all huge thoughts i had in my head and idk why i wrote them down. i kept hunting for someone who had written an essay about this, or a book, or made a movie. i thought it was weird there were no 1970s homoerotic movies about Lucifer (that i found). he's alway been associated with sexual deviance, gender deviance. (he's always been a fag), so where were the gay books about him? i wondered how lucifer invented sexual deviance at all, what was going through his mind, what he was trying to do.
and Michael - ahhkj he's such an archetype for gay male desire isn't he? just this image of strength and power and masculinity. of course Lucifer falls in love with him, what fag woudn't. and how could michael resist god's most beautiful creation?
before, during, and after ABM, my feelings were/have-been "i wish someone else wrote this." i didn't feel qualified to write it, but i thought that just expressing the idea was what mattered. i needed to get on a podium and shout "lucifer and michael were in love and all angels are genderqueer homos" and see what happened.
#i can really go ON and On because the story of its conception and development is a surprisingly long one i think#didnt get too much into the real life aspect of things#also ive never mentioned this but i was working on another book at the time that i dropped and have yet to pick up again cause of abm sksk#mine#ask
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Hey! You made a post about trying to find autistic BIPOC people- my roommate is native and autistic, though it's not something he really says anything about on his blog, and he's had a p traditional upper-middle class upbrining: FennalFennec is his username. Not sure what you're looking for exactly but wanted to help if I could.
Also, if you have the energy to answer, could you explain your autistic experience compared to the white autistic experience? Or maybe point me to people who do? Im neurodivergent as well, but white af and am p ignorant on the differences for BIPOC people.
thank you for the recc of your friends blog! Im really looking to diversify the autistic content i do engage in because its been pretty monolithic for a while now. even if your friend doesn't talk about it much, i just would like to be aware that people like me exist.
i'm still pretty much self-suspecting and would like be self-dx, but ive been retaking the raads-r after seeing that study that came out that pretty much confirms its a good indicator of ASD. kept scoring above 140 (literally right in between the average of suspected ASD in cis men and cis women, its almost like im a Transgender or something).
Anyway, im still unpacking the differences in the experience besides the obvious racialization of skin color. I think a main thing that comes to mind for about the difference between my experience as someone who was raised in an immigrant Mexican household (and as someone who has white privilege but was never treated as "White" i.e european) and the usual white autistic experience can be summed up with the Right to Comfort. I was actually talking about this with my twin the other day. The tenants of white supremacy are something I go back to everyday because they really do hold true in every aspect of life--interpersonal, intrapersonal, systemically, etc. But one of the tenants is the Right to Comfort. I'll past examples here from this pdf:
the belief that those with power have a right to emotional and psychological comfort (another aspect of valuing “logic” over emotion)
I see this a lot in how White autistics are allowed to be as "disabled" or as "autistic" as they want. There is still ableism of course, but the amount of BIPOC autistic folks who are killed, assaulted, harassed, and bullied for appearing as "disabled" or as "autistic" as they are is quite high. Even BIPOC autistics with lower support needs aren't allowed to express those needs in the ways I see White autistics can. Obviously it's a privilege to unmask, too. I personally don't relate to White autistics in that way, and it brings me a lot of discomfort. I also wanna say I'm not upset at White autistics; everyone deserves to unmask if they want and everyone deserves to receive the support they need. What I am saying is I am deeply upset by White Supremacy and the way it creates access to being myself an incredibly racialized thing. Because racism effing blows man.
also if I am veering into saying something shitty in this pls feel free to correct me. everyday im learning more about myself with this and I am still self-suspecting, but at this point there is very little else that explains the way my brain thinks and why I require certain things to feel good. i appreciate you affirming my experiences <3
#muertoresponds#hope that helped and ty!#im still working thru a lot in terms of asd and self dx#because I am definitely low support needs#but i still want to build some sort of community and knowledge#esp one that is expansive
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What do you think the outcome of the AI debate will be? Does this differ from what you think it should be?
Do you consider it worth engaging in/with at all?
i dont think there will be any actual outcome because the debate in *this* form about whether it is or isnt art is useless precisely because its philosophical and doesnt have an actual answer. it also doesnt rly change anything in context of art being "expression of human emotion" or whatever. the only context i can see where ai status as art matters is the context in regards to art as a profession and that doesnt affect people making gay sex cats on their laptop or hobbyists who make art out of love. im talking about things like if ai should be allowed in applications for state fundings for visual artists, if it could be basis for joining artist guilds etc.
(p.s. you cant actually just show up and join the guild, at least not in my country - you need to have like 5 years of public activity as an artist, certain number of solo and collective and juried exhibitions completed with documentation, and your art has to meet some standard for you to be accepted.)
these are things concerning visual art as profession, not human soul or whatever. i think people keep using artist as a professional status and human activity interchangably, and it creates confusion. art as expression is humane and holy and all that, art as work and a profession is simply a category defining labour and has no moral value. same way like teaching, nursing, etc are job descriptions. artists shouldnt be above the working class. thats how arts were treated in ex-yugoslavia, where artists werent separated or holier than other people, but were a part of proleteriat. a lot of funding was being given to artists because art was supposed to be for everyone and cultural soul and food for people. (the "art is a luxury" argument has genuinly been getting on my nerves; idk who the fuck came up w it but art is a service like any other. i also believe artists have duties to their own compatriots, to provide art to the public and not just burgeoise. this is going to be taken out of context btw, but it does make sense under a communist state).
i think that this whole ai discussion is trying to elevate artists to something "grander than ordinary humans" when its rly not. the yearning wish to be acknowledged as an artist instead of prompter is a part of it as well, making the "artist" status to be the only way creativity can be recognized as worthy. i think the same of people who talk about art needing to have SOUL btw. in both cases the artist status becomes something soo special and important, when it rly shouldnt be.
the individualism of artist as an independent creator instead of a part of proleteriat collective is problematic.
anyway why do i care if ai art has art status or not? the closest example i can come up with are comics in croatian national funding, where things arent very clear. comics belong both to visual media... and literature. so for example, instead of applying for visual arts, we are required to apply comic books to the literary works funding. however, the commission prefers writers - so you have more money allocated to the writers than comic book artists, and theyre disproportionately granted. the grants are also the same amount. you get 21,000kn to write a book or draw a long form comic.
then, for example, i have an official artist status in croatia. comics are my primary activity - but see, there is no category for that. i can only be a sculptor, a painter, or a multimedia artist. and the closest thing to a comic artist is........a painter. and the requirements for the painter status require a set number of solo and collective juried exhibitions - in gallery and all. why should a comic artist who draws comics be required to participate in juried gallery exhibitions? the commission doesnt care about hundreds of pages ive drawn and the publications ive been a part of - they want exhibitions.
anyway sry for a horribly long post, but my point is that the art status of ai needs to be defined for *things like these*. in context of creative value it doesnt matter, but in context of craftmanship it might.
this might ALSO be because "umjetnik" (artist) in my language is mostly used as a defined status, while hobbyists will usually say "i dabble in art/drawing" instead of assigning themselves the label. its rarely used by someone who just likes to draw on the side. my official academic title is "diplomirani umjetnik", my national status is "samostalni umjetnik". to me the word "artist" is simply a descriptor of my job, so thats how i see and understand that word, but im realizing it might be different in the english language.
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Aghh hello!!!
I wanna ask if you're willing to do a Shifting reading?
Like, Ive always been very connected to my DR because i scripted it from the ground up, but its been almost 3 years and despite my trying and belief ive never bern able to get there.
I want to know if there's anything im doing wrong? Or any self blockages?? Im losing motivation but i aint gonna give up any time soon.
- 🗝 Anon
General Shifting Reading
You've worked hard to get to where you are now on your shifting journey, I can see you've been nurturing the knowledge and skills you have on shifting, constantly gaining new knowledge and skills to apply to shifting. However, you've been obsessing with shifting for a while now, your connection with your desired reality may have faded into something unhealthy or unbalanced . With this, you need to take a small step back and begin to look after yourself, you've already done so much and you are stable in your journey now is the time to sit back, relax and, enjoy the fruit of your labour.
Focus on creating a harmonious and balanced lifestyle for yourself. Continue to be practical with the resources you have this could be methods, subliminals, shifting friends and anything else, you've already maintained a good amount of knowledge to know solve any arising issues in your shifting journey this could be anything like lack of motivation or self sabotage by feeding into a toxic shifting routine.
What you need is confidence and trust in yourself and your abilities to shift, to do that you need to be honest and vulnerable with yourself in order to move anywhere. The most powerful bond you can build with someone, is yourself. Once you learn to love and build a strong connection with you, you being to have confidence in your abilities and honestly, confidence is crucial here.
What you need to do is treat yourself like you're going out with a new person and you really like them, so you want to get to know them. Ask yourself both surface and deep questions about yourself. This apply not only to shifting but your general life.
Why do you want to shift? Why have you been shifting for so long? What's something you love about yourself? Something you want to improve? What are your values? What's something you will or will not stand for?
Getting to know yourself, building a strong connection with yourself and having trust in yourself will be amazing for you.
With this, you should keep an open mind to anything, If there's something that grabs your attenti9n or you think can be beneficial for you, go for it! New opportunities are good opportunities don't get stuck on one thing that doesn't work and wonder for the next three years "why isn't this working?" Embrace new things you'll love it!
Starting fresh could be some help, restarting your journey from when you were a baby shifter can be refreshing, take the thing's you've learnt with you and try again but, this time from scratch. And, when you restart your journey get creative! Listen to your creative and emotional self, mix up some methods, try new subliminals!
Small side note: You might also want to consider developing your intuition and psychic self. As you're learning to trust yourself you should also develop and strengthen your intuition and learn how to listen to that "gut feeling"
You need to take some time off shifting and focus on you right now, not your desired reality not your current reality, you. You as a shifter, a manifestor, just you as a person.
I know you're second guessing a lot of things with your journey and your abilities, your questionings of if you're doing anything wrong or blockages but, you have to stop this. Going to other people for advice is always a good thing however, indulging yourself in what they say and think people's advice will guarantee you your shift is plain wrong. Only you can guarantee anything not others.
Keywords:: Healing | Shadow Work | Inner Child | Restart your journey | Trust yourself | Creative | Emotional | Intuitive
── ﹫ 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐌 ؛ 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗎𝗆𝖻𝗅𝗋
#── ﹫herladysrealm#shifting tarot reading#shifting#reality shifting#desired reality#reality shift#tarot asks#tarot cards#reality shifting tarot asks#🗝 Anon#shifting community#shiftblr#shifters#quantum leap#quantum jumping#her ladys divination
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hello hello hello! I just finished binging amor lunae and amor solis and I thought I'd pop in to do a quick rant about it because I loved every bit of it so much!!
first of all, im a sucker for god aus. as a guy whose childhood was filled with nothing but Percy Jackson Percy Jackson Percy Jackson, god aus are an absolute weak spot for me. I love them so dearly, and yours was incredible.
beyond that though, I specifically LOVE the trope of the sun and the moon falling in love!! ive not actually seen anything where it actually happens (your fic was the first) but ive always been in love with the concept and your execution of it was absolutely stunning. proteus as the moon and solara as the sun worked so perfectly!
oh gosh I had so much more to say but ive lost my train of thought.
I rarely cry when I read or watch things. I don't know what it is, but I struggle with really feeling what the characters feel, and I could count the number of times a piece of media has made me cry on a hand and a half, but I was on the brink of tears practically the entire time I was reading. I don't know what it was particularly, but something about your writing style made it feel like I was transported to that world. I could feel the majesty of the heavens and the aching of both proteus and solara (and medea, im so sorry buddy) and the overwhelming love they had for one another. their willingness to give up everything just to be with one another was suffocating in the best way possible.
a lot of the time with those types of emotions, I find it unrealistic. I find it too overbearing for me to be able to actually immerse myself in them, but something about your writing made it so easy for me to understand. I felt everything they felt. I understood. of course solara would choose death over forgetting proteus. of course mumbo would give up his celestial status to be with grian. it was meant to be. they were meant to be. the stars and moon and sun all aligned in the precise way they did and the universe was created all for them to be able to love one another and it was perfect.
your playlist!! gods, your playlist was perfect. I love it when fic writers have their own playlists for their fits because it makes the experience so much better, and yours did not disappoint!! I put it on shuffle while I read. "From me, the moon" started playing when mumbo met grian for the first time in amor solis and the lyrics paired with the scene made me cry. nothing could've prepared me for how much aching I'd feel while reading it. 1,672 years and 20,064 months and 610,711 days of loss and longing and I felt it and it hurt but everything fell into place for that one moment and it was worth it.
oh gosh I could keep going forever but this got way too long. I just adore this fic with all my heart and my soul and my being. I feel like it's genuinely done something to me. it feels like something's shifted in the way I see the world, and maybe that's a dramatic thing to feel about a piece of writing about some block people falling in love, but I don't care. im in shambles. I dont know if I'll ever be whole again. im grian, having everything I could possibly want, but knowing something's inexplicably out of place. there's something wrong and no way to know what.
im not the biggest fan of scarian (im much more a grumbo guy), but I may just read your scarian stuff purely because it's your work.
thank you for writing. thank you for sharing. you have a gift, and it is beautiful. never stop creating.
hi I’m ??? sobbing at you ??? so loud ???? 🥹💕 this was such a lovely lil treat to wake up uwahhh.
ueueue thank you sm !!!! this was my first “big” au for this fandom, and seeing the reception of it is so,,, 🥺 it makes me incredibly happy <33
I love the trope of the sun and moon falling in love so much. I think it came from the whole “character who’s the embodiment of the sun is shipped with character who’s the embodiment of the moon” concept, and grumbo fits that Very well.
but I??? 🥹 that’s such a huge compliment I’m so. uwahhh 🥹💕 I’m really glad that my writing made you feel all that <33 it’s always my goal to pull people into the worlds that I create and bring some kind of immersive feeling through my words. so knowing I managed to make you feel all that and it felt realistic is really !!!!!!!
and the playlist !!!! augh !!!! that’s the very first thing that I made for this au. it existed before amor lunae did. fun fact, I put the songs in a vague chronological order, going from when proteus and solara met, to when solara dies. I’ve written most of that au with that playlist going, and omg I could Not imagine reading those fics with the playlist going… you’re the bravest omg.
I love making playlists for my fics though :D every major au that I have has a playlist for it hehe
but 🥹💕 this au definitely holds a very special place in my heart. it’s a work that’s really important and very personal to me. I’m really happy that you enjoyed it <333
though !!!! if you don’t mind a little plug and a recommendation of my other works… I currently have an on going mumscarian au called songbird’s blood. it’s on my ao3 as a series called “night life” if you enjoyed the grumbo in amor lunae and solis, I think you’ll like the grumbo in night life too :D it’s a biiiig fantasy au where mumbo is a vampire and grian is a human who just happens upon his manor. grian is the first human to break through mumbo’s walls and befriend him. they’re very soft <33
thank you for stopping by and leaving this in my inbox 🥹💕 it was really nice to read through and made me really happy. if you read anything else of mine, I hope you enjoy !!! and please feel free to drop by again <33
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hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)
so so sorry for the late response but
anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question
this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize
spoilers inbound after this point!!
there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format
the sections will be as follows:
 their parallels and how they compliment each other
their kindness and affection towards each other
how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion
more surface level dynamic things i like
the things that got me attached to them in the first place
parallels!
i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth
they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)
their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these
but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think
how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone
noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family
and of course the obvious, their wishes
the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it
or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things
neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty
they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive
but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.
they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too
kindness
they care so much for each other its insane
noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to
the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on
they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more
it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending
special treatment
i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute
it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much
im also gonna start adding screenshots and such
noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable
hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe
he also just
treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does
and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level
ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before
it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse
HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL
ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS
surface level things
as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list
theyre so sun and moon guys
BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS
their color palettes look nice together
babygirl and wet cat
loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking
smartass x dumbass
mutual healing
their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together
"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually
little bitch and sweetheart
both are affectionate but neither can handle it
emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again
bfs who rant about their interests
same trauma
very strange guy x doesnt care
"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"
the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them
angel and devil (kinda)
why i fell in love with them
theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached
most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love
i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort
its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character
the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"
but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene
its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!
its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable
conclusion
i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better
i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed
theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other
im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much
if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day
#uso rambles#witchs heart#ashe bradley#noel levine#noelashe#im so insane for them#noelashe the world
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Dragons, and the influence the Faerûn Pantheon has (or rather, does NOT have) over them. And how it relates to my tav
I've been thinking about how much the gods of dnd actually play a role within bg3, and kinda how having a True Dragon (albeit at first unknowingly) influences the story just a bit because of what he is.
To get started, Dragons have their Own Pantheon, assuming we are not ruling out pre-5e lore entirely. Bahamut and Tiamat are the most well known of course, they are also included in the Faerûn pantheon, so I won't be talking about them too much.
What I'm mostly concerned with are the two defying aspects (Life, Death, and fate) seeing as Withers is very obviously Jergal, and how The Dead Three (along with Vlaakith and Mystra) are all within bg3 in some way.
The Most Influential Dragon god is Asgorath/Io, the originator. He is briefly mentioned by Lae'zel within bg3 in a throwaway line. Known as the Ninefold Drgaon, Asgorath influences the fates of all dragons
There is also Chronepsis, Dragon god of Fate, Death and Judgement. A multi aspected god who may also be known as Null.
Now, to have a Dragon be put into the center of conflict of a story is rare indeed, which is why I like Págos so much. Dragons are often treated as mounts, villains, bosses, or otherwise just out of reach wells of knowledge one party may encounter only to move on with their lives.
It's special in the sense of bg3 because you are dealing with a Lot of Faerŭn gods, but in my canon bc Págos is a dragon none of these gods have Any actual influence over him? Dragons are outside of their jurisdiction unless specifically asked for their help by them. They have no hand to mold their clay, that is for their own gods. This is what makes Págos such an anomaly, because that is essentially what he is in bg3's story...An Anomaly.
Págos is from the ancient past frozen in time and wound up in the present. His fate is guarded by his own gods, leaving the faerûn pantheon to simply watch what is essentially a wild card wander into what could be a world-ending conflict. Withers mentions this, for being a god watching over fate and death, he had no insight into Págos which made dealing with him unsettling at the very least. In my head Elminster also mentions this to Gale as a forewarning about Págos from Mystra, Vlaakith knows this and becomes even angrier not just because of Lae'zel going against her, but because lae'zel is traveling with a companion that makes the entire situation much more dangerous for her, Same with Shar. It is why raphael tried so desperately to get págos into a contract with him. The stakes are higher with a glitch in the system, outside of their control and outside of their influence. Not to say they couldn't hurt him of course, they could they're gods, but its with the knowledge it isn't as simple as smiting someone when a greater power has placed them there, when doing so creates a plethora of problems than it would if págos was simply another mortal. I just think its all very funny. Its also my reasoning why they dont just directly influence him or the game outside of whatever reasoning is already provided.
And also, as a little side note about how ive been having so much fun with him as a character...its kinda like i said before. Dragons in dnd are incredibly powerful, knowledgeable, otherwordly PEOPLE. They are PEOPLE, they are highly intelligent (moreso than the mortal races) and can outlast civilizations...but they are never treated as such, a product of being a game npc. Dragons are regulated to side characterss, npcs, animals, threats, mounts, but never really delving deep into their own personhood. Never the heroes of a story...until now! Thats why I like Págos so much! Because I get to play with How a dragon actually interprets life and emotion differently. I get to delve deeper into lore like this, I get to play with a dragon interacting with others not as this outside influence but as a friend, as their ally. Especially with him being a chromatic dragon its doubly important since chromatics are often just considered evil and are more likely to be treated as animals despite the fact they are just as capable as their metallic counterparts. Anyway I just think its fun! Thanks for coming to my Tav ted talk.
#bg3#bg3 tav#dnd#dnd dragon#also my reasoning for why págos isnt op from the start is because he was trapped in ice for so long him “leveling” is moreso him defrosting#he also doesnt even learn he is a dragon in shapeshifted form until act 3 and he cant just turn into one willy nilly bc of how much it#would complicate things: adding stress to an already cracking city#and he wouod just be...too big to fit places#anyway i love págos so so much sorey for the rambles
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im new to the acotar fandom but my goodness my heart just melts for gwynriel ❤️ ive been reading some posts on gwynriel/elriel and heres a couple of observations:
1. az for sure lusted over elain, but i dont think he has real feelings for her. or if he thinks he does, its not genuine. it felt like he sort of force himself or lied to himself to have those feelings bc of the fact that az mentioned the 3 brothers and 3 sisters pairing to rhys when he told az off for kissing elain.
2. if sjm straight up said that lucien and elain are mates, that means someone is az’s mate. she may or may not be introduced in the book yet (hoping its gwyn). we all know how much az longs for a mate. once his mating bond snaps to whoever it is, do we really think he would reject or abandon his mate? for elain? this is a guy whos practically desperate for a mate. i dont think he would just choose elain over her bc he lusted over elain for a little while.
Sorry I have left this in my ask box for a million years!!!
yay! I am glad that you love gwynriel too <3 they are such a unique couple and encompass a lot of traits from my favorite SJM couples to create their own dynamic and I cannot wait to see it play out in canon <3
Azriel is a tragic and extremely damaged character. He was denied the love of his mother as a child, and was treated like trash by his family. He never knew love and comfort in his formative years, and all these years later he has never had a healthy attachment to a female. He developed a savior complex at a young age. What people don't realize is that as a coping mechanism for this lack of healthy attachments as a child, he has only ever fallen for women who are emotionally unavailable and he subconsciously knows will never love him back. He fell for Mor because she was miserable in her life and was everything that he couldn't be: warm, bright, and capable of love. He saved her in a way that he couldn't save his mother and took those attachment issues and latched them on to Mor. I think Az knows that she is bi, but subconsciously tortured himself with the idea of this unrequited love because if he lets go of it, he has to finally come to terms with his childhood trauma.
Mor shows time and time again that she can take care of herself, and when she slept with Helion I think that it snapped something in Az that was just a drop of water in the waterfall of his emotional turmoil. Instead of dealing with his trauma and emotions, he finds his next target to transfer his attachment and self loathing issues to and that is Elain. Azriel holds the mating bond in high regards- to the point that he is so worked up about Elain's that he thinks the Cauldron might be wrong. Because he believes that the only way for another female to return his love is for them to be bound to him (which is incredibly unhealthy). However, the scent of the mating bond between Elain and Lucien bothers him so much because he KNOWS that Elain could never be his the way he wants a female to be- but it is easier to keep in the same 500+ year torture pattern than to break the mold. Being with Elain would only further his emotional attachment issues because Elain will always be attached to Lucien in some way- even if she breaks the bond. She will never be fully his like he so desperately craves.
We all know by now that SJM is a fated mates writer and is someone is mated to another, she takes the time to craft the couple's personalities to fit with each other without being the same. Lucien is one of her favorite characters- for him not to end up with his mate that she has spent years talking about them as a couple together and how they will heal is shortsighted on a lot of the anti-elucien stans.
This is the beauty of Gwynriel. Az saved gwyn, but did not form a romantic attachment to her. Then, unlike with any other female, he trains her in a group and privately. Az respects Gwyn as a person first, not as an unattainable love. He trusts her to get herself out of situations (look at the blood rite) and pushes her to do more. His shadows, which are a physical manifestation of his inner darkness and his soul, dance and play and are intrigued by Gwyn in a way they have never been with anyone else. Gwyn and Az will be the ACOTAR friends to lovers couple. They will build a foundation of friendship that blurs into being in love with each other. For Az to truly get over his trauma, he and gwyn need to choose each other for who they are without a bond, and then a bond can snap later. He needs to have someone love him without any strings attached.
(Feysand is enemies to lovers, Nessian is grumpy x sunshine, Gwynriel is friends to loves, Elucien is reluctant soulmates and second chance romance, and Emorie is chosen soulmates).
In the bonus chapter, SJM clearly puts the nail in the coffin for E/riel with her use of negative prose and Rhys (who in her mind can do no wrong) warning Azriel off of Elain. Then SJM shows us the interaction with gwyn and has positive prose and connotations noted in their interactions, that he feels at peace and something settles within him. She basically just threw in a million different phrases that she used previously for mated couples to tell us "LOOK HERE. LOOK AT THIS." And then she said in an interview that it would be obvious who the next book was about? I am sold its an Azriel book. I don't think elain has hit her rock bottom yet. In ACOMAF, Feyre hits her rock bottom, in ACOSF, Nesta is at hers, in HOF Celeana is at hers, and at the end of ACOSF Azriel is at his. If she set up the next book to truly be Elain's then she would have added elain into ACOSF and made her a more prominent character. Instead, the next two who have the most page time other than Nesta and Cassian are Azriel and Gwyn. Which mirrors what she did for Nessian in ACOWAR. Every pattern says that the next book is the gwynriel book.
Sorry that this kinda turned into a rant lol
#thanks for letting me word vomit#i have intense thoughts#gwynriel#gwynriel supremacy#elucien#anti e*riel#anti e/riel#azriel is a deeply scarred character
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