#its so fucking hard for me to talk about meryl. i love her i love her so much but my thoughts aboutbher are like.
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BLORBO BINGO. GIMME MERYL!!! also cwilbur my meow meow. AND if u would like….. perhaps a patton sanders….. for fun :33
ohhhhh my god dude. oh my god. i dont talk about her as much bc its hard to formulate my thoughts about her into comprehansible sentences but oh my god meryl. ohhhh my god meryl. i hare hate hate hate how the fandom treats her. she is not the "competent braincell" she is just as stupid and insane and complex as the rest of them she just has a better professional appearance. meryl in trimax makes me insane. can we talk about her trauma more. pleasepleaseplease. i would love to do a meryl character study one day. shes so complex shes so . oaugh. see its so hard for me to put my thoughts abt her into words but just know i have SO MANY
i cannot start talking abt cwilbur because this post WILL be like 20000 miles long but hes one of those characters that i think will always stick with me for the rest of my life. hes so fucking important 2 me and the fandom treats him so dirty. ive literally started blocking people who tag my old dsmp art with "vilbur" like shut the fuck up you fool you have fallen for the facade that this character makes up for himself or however that one post goes. fundamentally if a person thinks cwilbur is evil we cannot ever be friends because they dont GET IT. hes so heart player coded im the world biggest cwilbur kinnie etc etc etc. im the cwilbur guy. in my dsmp fandom height i was making posts about him like every 10 minutes. i think abt him so much. dont even fucking get me started on ghostbur.
PATTON I DO NOT HAVE AS MANY EMOTIONS ABOUT AS THE OTHER TWO mostly because i have not rlly delved into ss fandom stuff. from what i have seen tho i hate hate hate hate that people either woobify him or completely villify him . (which . ironically is also a problem with cwilbur) i feel like if i got more intensely into sanders sides he would be the character where i would want to take him out of canon and put him in my pocket like "you cant hurt him hes mine now"
#OAUHHHHH#its so fucking hard for me to talk about meryl. i love her i love her so much but my thoughts aboutbher are like.#u know the spirit box. that ghost hunting thing thay flips through radio stations rlly fast. thats what my thoughts on meryl are like.#if i think abt her for too long i get so so so so emotional fr.#theres something about being a Normal Regular Human in the modst of . all that. which makes her so fucking strong#and i have so many thoughtts about how she feels about that etc etc etc.#she must be so fucking scared like constantly and yet she is still determined as hell to stick with vash and she makes me so insane for it#aauaghghgyh#ss#asks#anachronistic-falsehood#blorbo bingo
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YEY THE HORRORS i mean YEY THE BOOKCLUB :D
thoughts on volume 6 (oh boi we're almost halfway someone hold me pls)
chap 1:
-OH MY GOD ITS HIM I FORGOT ABOUT HIM FOR A MOMENT (not in general, ik he's in 98)
-HEY HIS WINGS MAY BE CREEPY BUT THEYRE ALSO BEAUTIFUL TO ME >:[
-HOWEVER i love how yeah they are scared af but also get that vash as a person is not bad and they don't leave his side
-WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR BF LIKE THAT STOP STOP STOOOOOP. IDC THAT HE IS A LITERAL LASER CANON HES STILL JUST A LITTLE GUY
-are we...supposed to notice how bad the state of the gun is or...?
-nono brandon is right, i would also not give good guns to cops
-vash i fucking swear-
-SHUT UP YOU FUCKING COP >:[
-BRO WTF
-YEAH BRANDON CALL HIM OUT
-MY FAVORITE WEIRD CREATURE IS HERE
-ok in my 1st read didnt get that, idk why but i was confused about meryl getting worried for some reason. but she has a (sad) point. will one day the ptsd related to violence and guns be enough to make vash not shoot his gun? shes asking an interesting question. shes literally asking how much can vash take imo.
-wait so...was the replacement gun...the one in stampede??? (i will compare them later)
-DONT LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE GENTLE EYES MAN CMON
-I didnt notice he took the punisher lmao
chap 2:
-:c wolfwood having nightmares its not even a hc, IT IS CANON
-NOT THE FLASHBACK OF VASH CRYING BLOOD OUCH NO PLS NO
-:c im not even mad at wolfwood calling vash a monster cuz it must be fucking TERRIFYING but it still hurts :c
-you could...but youre not gonna
-"so yeah you cant be there for every problem in the pla- HOLD UP WHERE ARE YOU GOING"
-lmao meryl is like me fr
-this time i got most of the fight but i think we can all agree the mpv was the table
chap 3
-YEY LEGATO IN THE.....metal handbag?
-YES ELENDIRA FUCKING READ HIM
-OH MY GOD HES HERE HES HERE OH GOD NO
-i remember i was so confused i didnt realize THATS HIS FUCKING TONGUE
-also did double fang kill trail of death?
chap 4:
-OH I LOVE THIS SCENE SM. i also hate walking in a place with a shit ton of people
-YES IT IS BABY, THATS THE SAME CHILD YOU [so so redacted] WOOOOOOOOO (i love this chapter)
-oh...yeah that...oh
-"we cant survive without her power, neither can you" dude...dont...just dont
-ah yes. the hair. yeap. just a cool artistic decision. yeap.
-also i forgot how fucked up the last run was here
-oh he felt it, i saw that in his eye
-oh so he also went apeshit....ohhhhh. ok so if vash went apeshit cuz of a physical fight or flight reaction (I THINK) did knives go apeshit cuz of hate? the physical need to kill people in revenge? nice
-BRO WDYM "why not just end this crusade?" YOU JUST SAW WHY HE WOULD NEVER END IT
-oh that was his last straw. one thing is him being tricked by a human but that lie affecting his brother? the one thing he's trying to protect (yes ik he's not doing the greatest job at it) from humans? yeah no you gotta die
chap 5:
-NO. NO. NONONONONONON NOT THIS CHAPTER NO
-I HATE THE METAPHOR ALREADY (i love it. i want to yell at nightow my thoughts about it. i will never be normal about it)
-pls no. im begging you. pls dont make me read this again. this is when my sanity starts to break into little raggedy pieces of paper
-i just notices this change happens cuz he got HIS MEMORIES BACK WHAT IF I ENDED IT ALL
-i dont want to read anymore
-its just. so fucking hard. like ik we say hes jesus. but at the same time jesus never felt like that. jesus was born without sin but in vash's eyes he is full of sins and no one can forgive him. bro, honey, god would forgive you anything. you are his favorite im sure. but no matter the arguments for the allegory vash can never be jesus cuz he carries the pain of his "sins" everyday PLUS THE ONES FROM THE HUMANS. idk. im sad and tired. my baby. its ok i forgive you. and im sure rem forgives him. im sure. im sad
-anyway, back to the kinda normal thoughts
-also i think vash thinking he has to forgive himself is kinda flawed. like instead of forgiveness he has to accept what happened and i think those are different things. ofc yeah july was messed up but he never intended to do it. idk
-ANYWAY
-huh, those speakers look like eyes
-cant even swallow in misery in peace anymore lmao
-:c not the day drinking
-i think thats vash talking but yeah....nothing is easy for my guy. hes kinda right, better than crying ig...
-i prefer spike-isms but i will also take needle noggin-isms thank u
-that man can move in such unnatural ways *hears the uncanny vash people cheer at a distance*
-oof, the ptsd got meryl
-also the question is not whether vash was going to take the bullet or not, the real question is how hard does that question makes me cry
- SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUP
-OOF, i mean i 100% get meryl but OOF
-also YES THATS WHAT I FUCKING MEAN. AND I READ THIS ON [redacted] A FEW WEEKS AGO. THE BALANCE BETWEEN EXTREMES ITS JUST NULL, ITS NOT A COLOR AT ALL. his love and faith in humanity vs the pain they cause him...that balance creates a colorless emotion and IM SAD ABOUT IT.
-i hate that final page. i fucking hate milly protecting meryl from her memories while comforting her while protecting her from the rocks, i hate the people still insult vash even when he was long gone, i hate to see the children who saw the same thing as their parents try to convince them to stop because they know vash would never hurt people on purpose only to be ignored..and more than anything i hate vash apologizing for something he has no control over.
-ALSO I ALSO FEEL LIKE CRYING VASH-
[let it be on the record that i needed a minute to continue with the volume]
chap 6:
-OH NO IT STARTS
-"how could i have known?" youre telling me you spent years studying yourself and other plants and never saw one with black hair? really? (im not saying its a plot hole, im saying he was too distracted being a dick)
-so that was his imagination im assuming
-TESLA MENTION WE WIN
-OH GOD OH NO PLS GET ME OUT OF HERE NO PLS NOT THIS
-i love her dialogue with the funny glasses lmao, she really was the only mom ever
-oh..here come the tears
-oh right..they used to be like this
-oh...oh god
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"otacon's favorite vocaloid is miku" is basic. obviously he loves miku (who doesn't?) but i think he's a gumi kinda guy u know
like i think he knows vaguely of miku from when she releases (he's an otaku online in 2007, of course he does) but he's only like semi-aware of vocaloid...? like he's heard a few vocaloid songs in passing, seen miku in a few flash animations, but then post-big shell he ends up stumbling across megu megu ☆ fire endless night by samfree & he's holy fuck they make eurobeat with this shit? and then he's hooked (otacon loves eurobeat to me. if / when i make a playlist for him it will be a lot of eurobeat)
side note but i like to think otacon loves to dance parapara but he sucks absolute balls at it. like he just cannot memorize the moves and he's all out of sync but he drags snake into it and they both end up laughing so hard they have to sit down on the couch and its ok because they had fun :)
also i think otacon still listens to vocaloid long after mgs4 (sorry kojima but i am REJECTING the "i used to be an anime otaku" line. his ass is STILL an anime otaku) like i bet sunny gets into it just by chance (she's a kid online in the 2010s of course she likes vocaloid) and she tells him about it and hal gets to go full "well back in my day" and sunny is like awestruck that her uncle hal knows so much about hatsune miku. i think sunny's favorites are hime & mikoto meika and she makes raiden cosplay them with her at least once (sunny is hime because that's her favorite of the two). raiden seemed too grumpy about it to actually cosplay them but he ends up having a lot of fun i think raiden is a really big fan of cosplaying it's like an escape from his real life if only for a little while.
if i had money i would pay someone to draw raiden & sunny as the meikas im actually thinking about this so much now. please imagine otacon getting dragged into this and cosplaying gumi because she's his favorite. if snake got roped into it he'd cosplay miku (probably to match otacon but also because the mental image of solid snake in a miku wig is really funny to me). please imagine, if you will, otasune but they are cosplaying miku & gumi as they appear in hachi's song matryoshka ok?
other characters' fav vocal synths include:
otacon likes gumi (as prev stated)
snake just picks miku to match
sunny likes hime meika
raiden picks mikoto meika to match sunny. he doesn't know any of the other ones' names
if liquid lived past shadow moses his favorite would be kasane teto because he's like tch. fuck those STUPID vocaloids. teto goes against the flow she's a rebel. she's just like me he thinks
meryl gets introduced to this post-mgs4. she doesn't have a favorite but johnny really likes luka
solidus would hate those fucking things. he hates music in general i think
naomi likes eleanor forte because she has this weird american-british accent like she does
otacon shows mei ling luo tianyi because he knows she speaks chinese and he's like well maybe she'll find this cool, but he's not well-versed in chinese vocal synths so he just picks the most popular one. she absolutely loves what she sees and gets really into it and her favorite ends up being xin hua
campbell, like meryl, does not really care for this shit, but he's heard porter robinson songs like on the fucking radio or something and he's heard sunny talk about this shit so he's like yeah i like that one. everyone always tells him her name is avanna but he never remembers it
raiden's son (who i think his name is little john) gets into it because sunny shows him it. he likes utauloids more because he can actually mess around with them for free!!! his favorite is momo momone he likes pink things
jetstream sam likes rin kagamine. i dont know that much about sam i still havent watched mgr but i know this is true
psycho mantis also likes avanna (also because of porter robinson) but unlike campbell he actually remembers her name
if olga lived shed be like fuck i gotta pick one to appease sunny. sunny shows her a list and is like "well what's your favorite color" (olga likes purple) and so she ends up with yuzuki yukari as her fave
most of the big boss-era characters do NOT care!!!! but like if they were still alive and they met suny? they WOULD care. kaz likes vflower
ocelot gets assigned tsurumaki maki once sunny finds out he was blonde when he was younger. he may or may not get roped into cosplaying her
venom likes nekomura iroha trust me
quiet likes fukase. again trust me. (i also think liquid secretly likes fukase but he has to keep up his utau-is-better façade)
gray fox sadly died (the first time at least) way too early to experience vocaloid. if he lived i think he would like ia but the only song of hers he's ever heard is a tale of six trillion years and a night by kemu
sniper wolf just picks len at random when otacon asks her if she has a favorite
emma likes meiko. trust
if the boss ever met sunny i think she would pick akita neru. she doesn't know that she's a fanloid she just got shown triple baka by sunny and was like ok sure i like the yellow one
eva just says her favorite is the same as whoever she's talking to (everyone knows she does this and tries to corner her with multiple people at once to see who she'll pick) but she likes lily
para-medic likes that one opera one i have to google her name hold on. PRIMA!!! i was gonna day operetta but that's a monster high character i think
strangelove likes macne nana. dont ask me how she found out about her but she likes the design idek if she's heard any macne nana songs
wow i got very um chatty. i just wanted to make a post that i think otacon's fave vocal synth is gumi.... but now EVERYONE has a favorite one...... damn. what a world we live in!!!
#picklepuffleposting#source: headcanons mixed with a bit of projection#(hime and mikoto meika r my faves but theyre soooo recent. gumi is probs my fave older one)
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clandestine (chapter 4)
PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader
SUMMARY: Y/N is an up and coming actress, married to a once hotshot actor, Harrison (Haz). What happens when her co-star, Tom, makes her realise that she is stuck in a loveless marriage. A marriage starts crumbling and a new romance stars brewing.
chapter 4: darling can’t you hear me?
A/N: i do not encourage cheating. this chapter is musically driven so i would recommend listening to ‘hit me baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘sos’ by abba and ‘end game’ by taylor swift, while reading the chapter. also there is slight smut in here. i hope you guys like this chapter!! feedback is always appreciated.
warnings: smoking, drinking, slight smut, cursing
word count: 1.6k
important: bold and italic are character thoughts
main masterlist series masterlist chapter 3 chapter 5
Tom and Y/N had been individually invited to their common friend Lily’s house warming party. They, however, decided to go together as friends.
Most of the people Y/N knew in London were all in the same circle and were all present at Lily’s. Lily was a smart woman and a social butterfly, but she was not the smartest when it came to befriending real and trustworthy people.
The house was packed with people. Everyone was taking a swing at the karaoke machine attached to the TV in the living room.
Y/N and Tom made their way to the kitchen where all the drinks were.
“Remember, you’re driving us home.” Y/N said, snatching the beer from Tom’s hand.
“Why can’t you drive?” Y/N chugged the whole beer at once.
“Oops”, she said, wiping her mouth from the back of her palm.
They both diverted to their separate ways, trying not to confirm the obvious. They were the talk of the town, or the party in this case. They were knee deep in rumours. Everyone had been gossiping about something they had heard from a friend of a friend.
Rumours spread like wildfire and in their case, most of the rumours were true. But the biggest red herring of the town was that Haz and Y/N were separated and were on the verge of filing divorce, and Y/N was getting the heat of it.
Those who were sober enough to sustain a conversation, came up to her and asked her the exact same question.
“So what is up with Haz? How is he? Haven’t seen him around in such a long time”, asked a girl, whose name Y/N couldn’t remember.
She was clearly out for ‘the scoop’ everyone else was.
“Oh he’s nice, he’s actually coming to London next week”, this was the thirteenth time Y/N had repeated that sentence tonight.
“So will he be accompanying you to the premier?”
What is she, a tabloid journalist?
“I don’t know actually, we haven’t talked about that”
---
Tom hated parties, he preferred intimate gatherings, where people would have meaningful conversations instead of the shallow small talk. He was an ‘intellectual’ in that sense, as Y/N had pointed out. He was insufferable since he couldn’t drink as he had to drive Y/N home, and she was nowhere to be found. He found himself entering the bathroom in Lily’s room to escape. Little did he know, Y/N felt the same way. He entered the bathroom to a modern masterpiece.
Y/N was sitting inside the bathtub with her legs hanging out of it. Her white wine glass was to her left, next to a Marlboro box with a lighter poking out it. The shower curtains were pushed to the right side of the tub.
She had a cigarette in her left hand and her phone in her right. He could only assume that she was playing candy crush like the middle aged woman she was. He couldn’t help but take a picture.
Y/N didn’t notice him until she heard the sound of the phone camera.
“I see you lasted an hour out there”, she said, ashing her cigarette on the box.
“Which is more than you”, he sat on the edge of the tub.
“Ugh, I couldn’t take their questions about Haz anymore, like seriously why do they all need to ask me the exact same question individually, I should literally just announce my life’s status with a fucking lou-“, Y/N was interrupted by Tom’s sloppy kiss.
She tastes like wine
He found himself on Y/N's lap and started kissing down her neck. She smelled like her Gucci Bloom perfume mixed with alcohol and smoke. Tom made it to her breasts and started sucking them, in an attempt to leave his mark on her.
There was a knock on the door. “Go away”, Y/N screamed, between small, light moans. “Um, okay”, the person said from behind the door. Y/N moved her hand to the rim of Tom’s shirt and started to pull it up, accidently toppling the wine glass next to her, spilling wine in the bathtub.
Tom broke away to see what had happened. “You’re a mess, darling”, he continued kissing her. “But I’m the mess you love”. Both of them were so intoxicated at the moment, they ignored the use of the word ‘love’. It was something which neither of them had said out loud before, but felt deeply.
“We should go, they will think we are canoodling together”, Tom said.
“But we are canoodling together”
“Yeah but still”
“Fine, but you owe me one”, Y/N said in frustration.
Tom got up from her lap, Y/N stuffed her phone and the cigarette box in her pocket.
“What are we going to do about that?” Tom pointed at the wine glass on the bed of the tub.
“Its white wine so it wouldn’t stain and we were never here”
Y/N opened the door and merged into the sea of people, leaving Tom behind.
---
She found herself in an utterly boring conversation with Lily and her ‘girl squad’. They were talking about the latest Dior makeup line.
How can someone talk about makeup while drunk?
She noticed that Alan was done with his powerful performance of ‘hit me baby one more time’. “Who is next?” he asked the crowd, raising the microphone. Y/N found an opening to escape the conversation. “Me!” she got up, grabbed the mic and climbed the wooden coffee table.
“Who wants to recreate the ‘SOS’ scene with me from ‘Mamma Mia’? Of course I’ll be Pierce Brosnan” she screamed into the mic.
“I’ll be your Meryl Streep”, Tom walked over to the karaoke machine to take the spare mic.
Y/N turned on the music, “I want everyone to sing the chorus with us”
“Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find, I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind”, Y/N stepped off the table and started to walk towards Tom, never losing eye contact with him.
“Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood, it used to be so nice, it used to be so good”, Tom turned his back to her just like Meryl Streep in the movie.
“So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S. The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S”, everyone sang this part excluding Tom.
“When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try, how can I carry on?” Y/N sang this part alone. Tom turned slightly to look at Y/N, he could see it in her eyes that she meant every bit of what she was singing.
“You seemed so far away, though you were standing near. You made me feel alive but something died, I fear”. It was Tom’s time to shine. He noticed that almost everyone in their audience had pulled out their phones to record it.
“I really tried to make it up, I wish I understood. What happened to our love, it used to be so good”, Tom tried his best to overact.
“So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S. The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S.” they all sang it, together, on top of their lungs.
Tom and Y/N were, now, standing back to back.
“When you're gone, how can I even try to go on?” Y/N repeated the lines after Tom.
“When you're gone, though I try, how can I carry on?” they held each other’s free hand in a way no one could see it.
The music stopped playing, they turned to look at each other. “Now don’t expect me to do the dirty dancing lift with you, I don’t want to break my back”, Y/N spoke into the mic. The whole room burst into laughter.
---
They were on their way to Y/N’s Camden apartment, their home for the time being. Tom was driving and the local radio was playing at a low volume. Y/N was looking out the window, it was past midnight, and the streets were stranded.
“And now, ‘End Game’ by Taylor Swift”, the radio jockey said.
Y/N was not paying attention to whatever was playing but Tom was. He turned up the volume for her, knowing her, he knew that she wouldn’t want to miss it. Y/N finally noticed the chorus and got excited. She looked over at Tom, giving him a glance that said ‘you know me so well’. He noted the glance, grabbed her right hand delicately and pulled it up to his mouth to give it a kiss.
She took her hand back to increase the volume even more. They had stopped at a red light.
“I hit you like bang”, Y/N sang along, making a ‘bomb blasting’ gesture.
“We tried to forget it but we just couldn’t, and I buried deep hatchets but I keep maps to where I put ‘em”
“Reputation precedes me, they told you I’m crazy” Tom also sang with her.
“I swear I don’t love the drama”, he let her sing this part alone.
“It loves me” she bopped Tom’s nose, scrunching her face.
I love her so much
“I love you so much”, he said.
She looked up, grinning like a devil, saying nothing.
Shit did I say it too soon? Yeah it’s too soon, she’s going to fucking leave me now
“Is it cool that I said that?” he was confused by her silence. The light had turned green and the cars behind them were honking, but his eyes were stuck on her beautiful devilish face.
Just before he turned his wild eyes on the road, she said it.
“I love you too, Tom.”
@mysticapples17
#tom holland#tom holland x reader#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland imagine#tom holland x actress!reader#tom holland smut#tom holland self insert#tom holland fluff#tom holland x you#tom holland x y/n#spiderman#spiderman x reader#spiderman x you#marvel#marvel fanfiction#taylor swift#abba#harrison osterfeild x reader#harrison osterfield#fan fiction
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Little Women Review
I’m feeling incredibly motivated to do this so here we go. To set it up, yes I read little women as a kid and I saw the 1994 version years ago prior to my first viewing. I watched the 1933 and 1949 versions and the 1994 version again before the second viewing.
TLDR: Go watch this Movie I love it, imma buy this blu ray. To me despite structural changes this is the definitive movie adaptation of Little Women.
So initial personal reasons why I’ve always enjoyed this story is that it takes place in Mass; my cousins live in Concord, I grew up in New England and they definitely filmed in New England cause certain scenes. We still have old style buildings around like they have in the film and the landscape, especially for scenes in the fall were absolutely beautiful. Marmee even name drops my home state at one point so shout out there.
Greta Gerwig did an absolutely fantastic job with the adapted screenplay of this movie and I am quite the fan of her decision to split up the structure of the novel and create more flash back sequences to emphasize different events that took place and how that impacted characters. I think the decision to film with a yellow warm tone in the past compared with a blue, cool tone in the adulthood scenes was a smart move as a visual way to explicitly indicate which timeline we are in. The fashion of the ladies and the hairstyles definitely did help with the timeline as well. I also love how they designed the girls hair style and clothing when they were younger to have a piece of Marmee’s style with them to signify a piece of Marmee is in each of her daughters. I also really loved the way that scenes played out, how they were shot, how when a bunch of them where showing conversations that could happen in real life. The dynamics of the march sisters remind me of my own family and there are a few scenes where there was like multiple conversations going on at once and I loved that. Also I love the sound track its on par with the 2005 Pride & Prejudice soundtrack.
For the more minor roles:
Meryl Streep did her thing as Aunt March and was quite hilarious, I loved how she was like no kisses plz and her whole you need to marry wealthy and I didn’t get married cause I’m rich bit. Mr. Lawrence has a beautiful character arc especially with Beth. He did so well with that small role and he really made you feel for the loss of his daughter. John Brook was the sweet respectful man for his wife. Friedrich Bhaer was good as well. Not as many scenes of him as I was previously expecting but I bought the connection he and Jo had and he definitely proved to be an intellectual match for him.
Laura Dern was an excellent Marmee. She really brought the presence that she was the giving, calming presence for all her daughters, especially for Jo. I absolutely love the conversations she had with Jo about her always being angry and for talking to Jo about her not really being in love with Laurie. I felt like that conversation is a really important lesson for everyone to determine if they want to marry someone, to make sure they do marry some one cause they do truly love them and not cause they want to be loved. Mr. Dashwood, the new york city publisher was also a great addition to this story in terms of representing the way publishers were back in the day.
I loved how connected they made all the March sisters feel. They really did make them all feel like one unit in their younger years, that it hurt much more when they are older when their apart. I really Loved watching Jo especially interact with all her sisters and seeing how the dynamics changed over the years. With Meg she relates to her being the oldest siblings and the scene where they talk about their different goals in life right before Meg gets married. Its a lovely scene indicating not one’s goals in life are better than another persons goals. I Love how she cares so much for Beth and looks out for her. The dynamics of Jo and Amy’s relationship was fascinating to watch cause it reminded me a lot of me and my sister and how we bickered a lot, but still deeply care for one another, and eventually were able to respect one another.
I knew going into this movie that Saoirse Ronan was going to kill it as Jo, and she flipping delivered. I love her portrayal as Jo where she is not as too much as the 1933 and 1949 portrayals and yet was very ambitious and likable, very similar to the 1994 portrayal from Winona Ryder. I loved her speech with Marmee about how great women are and how she doesn’t have a life goal to get married but how she is very lonely. That hit hard. Her negotiating for her royalties to her book was a great addition to the end of the story. I feel as if she plays a certain type of character in her movies, but she does it sooo well and in a way that no one else can do justice for it. The relationship between Jo and Amy and Jo and Laurie were great to watch. Amy and Jo are so similar besides a few key differences, and those differences help make their tension believable and turns them into remarkable characters.
I love the take on Beth in this adaptation. They still play her as a sweet and caring individual, one that ultimately leads to her getting sick and dying, but they give her a little more quirky traits and have her say some funny one liners. She has a lot of subtle moments with Jo and Amy especially that makes their reactions to her death feel so real. Emma Watson did a much better job than i expected and gave a surprising amount of depth to Meg. I did really enjoy the sub plot of her buying that fabric for a dress. $50 back then was like close to $1000, and really does show her struggle with wanting to have nice things once in a while. Her speech to Jo about her desires to be a wife and a mother is beautiful. Meg I feel is a difficult role to play due to her calm presence and lack of a super extroverted like personality and Emma made it her own.
Timothee Chalamet is a fantastic Laurie. He did well in balancing Laurie’s immature and lazy side to him while making him endearing. Seeing his love for the March family grow over time was beautiful. His relationship with Jo and Amy were awesome. With Jo, they are a great example of a platonic friendship, especially from when this book was published. I really loved the rejected proposal on the hill. You can see Jo still resisting adulthood still from her sister’s wedding, even when Laurie proposes I think she sees that as the end of childhood for her. Along with that she never had an interest to get married and expresses that she doesn’t love him like that and why they wouldn’t make a good match. The argument doesn’t feel like unrequited love but more like two best friends having a disagreement. His scenes with Amy also highlight his path to adulthood and him learning about love in the process.
AMY MARCH FINALLY GOT HER DUE! About damn time she did. Amy is my favorite character from this adaptation and is the one that surprised me the most. Lord FLORENCE PUGH needs to get a damn nomination because she was fucking amazing. For me she was able to convincingly play a young and adult Amy so well. Amy is a woman who knows what she wants in life and is very determined to get them and work within the current societal circumstances she is in. She is able to push her ego aside to get what she wants. She is so cheeky and energetic when she is younger but becomes more refined and tactful when older. Her burning Jo’s book did indicate her jealousy of her sister and the immaturity of her emotions that over time she has a grip on more as an adult. Her relationship with Aunt March indicates the idea and pressure she has to take care of the rest of her family. When she has her economic proposition speech, you really see how this is adding so much pressure on her, pressure that does influence her choices and behavior later on.
But, my absolute favorite part about Amy’s development over the movie was her relationship with Laurie. I’m so happy Greta really took the time to flush out this relationship. I really love these two together. They are both a really great example of love that evolves over time. The little tid bits in the past with the small moments of Amy and her small crush over Laurie: THE FOOT MOLD, the way young Amy looks at Laurie, her drawing of him at the beach while flirting with Fred Vaughn, talking about how hot he is as a half Italian. All of that was perfection. Everything in Paris with these too was also sooo fantastic. I love it that prim and proper 20 year old lady Amy turns into a kid again when she sees Laurie and just jumping and hugging him, and then Laurie is all like you’re beautiful. when she invites him to the ball and he kisses Aunt March. Her being all like “its Laurie!” and looking back at him with that damn smile, the things that make my heart melt. With Amy and Laurie knowing each other for so long, Amy is able to be real with him and call him out throughout their time in Paris, mainly at the ball when his drunken fuckboi ass waltz in. Also The PAINTING ROOM, lawrd. Amy still shitting on Laurie for his behavior, their conversation about love, Amy’s speech on economic proposition, THE UNBUTTONING OF THE PAINTING SMOCK (that absolutely rivals the Pride & Prejudice 2005 hand touch in terms of sexual tension), Amy being able to be her true self around Laurie, Laurie telling Amy “You look beautiful...you are beautiful” (SWOOON). Then when they at the park: Amy scolding him for being lazy and not taking charge and being responsible, Amy drawing him again and showing him the older picture, Laurie telling Amy not to marry Fred “don’t marry him. Why? you know why.”, Amy realizing what hes implying and being all like Naw don’t you dare fam I’ve always been second to Jo “I won’t do it. Not when I have spent my entire life loving you.”. Laurie finally grew a pair and went off to London to make something of himself and Amy turning down Fred’s proposal realizing she wants to marry for love. Them reuniting in Paris after Beth dies, and being alike i wont let you travel alone even if you despise me, which Amy says she doesn’t despise him. And she states she aint marrying Fred and then rambles on and LAURIE KISSES HER GOD BLESS HE DO LOVE HER. and wow. Their love story is one of the most satisfying love story arcs I’ve seen in a long time.
Any ways that’s my long ass Review of Little Women 2019. GO watch it in theaters if you can. I will buy it and stream it when it comes out of theaters. This is the definitive adaptation for me and I think it will hold up well as an amazing period drama for years to come.
#little women#little women 2019#jo march#amy x laurie#amy march#laurie#theodore lawrence#beth march#marmee#meg march#movie review
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Love Song
Part 15
Catch Up!
Sofia Welsh-De La Rosa and Timothée Chalamet will star in new Amazon series and, honestly, I won’t talk about anything else ever again
Amazon Prime has just announced the release of its new original series set in 1970’s New York. According to Hollywood Reporter, the new series will be lead by Sofia Welsh - De La Rosa, Timothée Chalamet, and Logan Lerman, and will be produced by Jordan Peele (Get Out and Us) and directed by Christina Hodson (Birds of Prey). The ambitious project is in talks with some other big names in Hollywood, such as Meryl Streep and even Robert de Niro, to join the series.
Honestly, I’m gagging.
This might come as a surprise as both Sofia, who has been enjoying lots of Oscar’s buzz for the third year in a row, and Timothèe are on the prime of their movie careers, as two of the most prominent young actors in Hollywood, but according to many sources, Sofia has been looking for a way to work with Peele for a long time, while Timothèe is excited to add some action to his resume, after his role in Hostiles and The King. Also, rumor has it, Amazon is willing to pay a hefty (and I mean hefty) amount of money to sign the young stars.
As for Logan Lerman, this is his the actor’s first TV role since 2005 and is set to be his comeback after his career faded a bit to the background. With the star-studded cast, Amazon is hoping this to be the platform’s next big hit.
There is no doubt that Sofia, Timothèe, and Logan are three of THE most talented young actors today, with Sofia being the reigning queen of the pack. Recently, the actress has played a pirate, a thief, a devious courtesan and a feminist writer trying to bring down love, and she’s been rumored to have just signed a deal with Disney to play her very own princess, as well as an undisclosed character in MCU’s highly anticipated Black Widow. She truly has the range, Darling!
Sofia was seen having coffee with Timothèe early in the week, before the show’s announcement, which sparked rumors that the actress had ended things with Harry Styles after he had dinner with his ex in London. She was also seen leaving the James Corden Late Late Night’s studio with Logan...
@BobbyC I’m sorry but all of them are gay...
@Peanutbuttah Eh, she can’t act anyway
@Loveisloud @peanutbuttah She can act, she has been in commercial and art-house movies and has received rave reviews every time. You just don’t like her because she’s dating your fave.
@Arewethereyet she’s an sl*t. So glad Harry’s done with her…
@Soph Are you drunk Buzzfeed? One does not leave Harry Styles for anyone!
****
Harry was cooking.
The air smelled like garlic and butter and I breathed in deeply, just realizing how fucking hungry I was, as I followed him to the kitchen. It just occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten anything that day, other than a cup of coffee that Harry had made me in the morning. It was a little strong for my taste, I liked mine with sugar, even when my mom kept telling me I was being violently disrespectful to coffee. I didn’t care, not one bit.
I never really ate on interviews or auditions days, it made my tummy feel funny and I was usually afraid that my clothes wouldn’t fit like they were supposed to after, so, no food for me, thank you. Usually, D would force-feed me as soon as we were done, practically shoving fruits, nuts, and salads down my throat (sometimes even a burger!), but today I was way too anxious and excited to even pay attention to her efforts. I was going on a date with Harry, I couldn’t care less about anything else!!!
And now, I was fucking hungry and it smelled even better in the kitchen.
“I didn’t know you cooked,” I smiled, looking at the pasta that was boiling on the stove and the bubbling alfredo sauce. Grilled prawns and a green salad were carefully plated in rustic blue and gold plates.
My eyes traveled to him, and I saw him hesitate for a second before he gifted me with a shy smile. He was so lovely, it was no surprise that my head became fuzzy every time I was around him. Even the most superficial thought struggled to grab a hold to my brain. I wondered if anyone could keep their wits around him, but somehow, I doubted it.
“It takes my mind off of things,” he finally said. “And I kinda wanted to impress you, I guess.”
The admission made my heart soar in my chest and I beamed at him as he stood in front of me. I admired his beauty for a second, his skin was slightly tanned and it looked almost delicious against the white fabric of his shirt, and his smile was warm, making me feel giddy as he trapped me against the counter with his arms on each side of my body.
I wanted to kiss him, so so badly, but instead, I let my fingers brush over his neck until they reached the tips of his hair. It tickled and he laughed softly with the most wonderful smile.
“Really?” I asked him softly, cause I didn’t want to break the intimate moment we were sharing.
“Yeah. A bit silly, innit?”
“No, it’s not silly. But, if you wanted to impress me, then you should’ve made a chocolate lava cake,” I teased. “You would’ve gotten me, then.”
“Chocolate, uh?” The right corner of his lip shot upwards, and an adoring feeling hit me right in the chest like a tidal wave.
“Yeap.”
“I’ll keep it in mind for next time,” Harry muttered, his words getting lost in the air as he leaned down to kiss me.
I realized that it was all I wanted: To kiss him slowly, maybe even for hours. But I knew I had to stop him. I was under his spell and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing I wanted to do, anyway. But even I could admit that this was just a dream, one that I wanted to remember every second of. So when he was gone, I would still have those memories.
So before his lips could brush mine, before he could melt my brain with his kisses, I pressed my forehead to his and dropped my hands to his chest, right where his heart was beating rapidly.
“Sorry,” I said shyly, casting my eyes down so I wouldn’t have to look at him, not a few more seconds, not until I had gathered the will to stand strong by my decision.
“Is there something wrong?” His voice was full of sincere concern, a little bit rougher as well, which made his accent more noticeable.
“No,” I shook my head, finally looking into his green eyes. “Everything’s perfect.”
“You just don’t want me to kiss you?”
“It’s just...I want to remember every bit of tonight,” I said, as I tried to ease the utter embarrassment that was crawling over my chest. Who said stuff like that? Writers in cheesy movies or bad teen shows. Fuck.
“Except for my kisses?” He insisted, almost like a little boy fishing for reassurance. I brought my fingers to his cheek and grazed them it until he smiled at me.
The answer was “fuck, no”. His kisses were a memory I wanted to carry with me forever. But I also wanted to have that night, so I could carry it with me, and compare it to every other date, every other person that would come my way.
“I want to remember the little details,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “The dinner you made, which is really close to burning, the grandpa pants…”
“Hey! These look cool! And the sauce, I have it under control!”
“If you say so,” I sneered mischievously, twisting my lips into a mocking smile as he pretended to be offended. “And I want to remember everything you did to make me feel special”
Harry’s arms looped around my waist as he pulled me to his chest and I hugged him back and looked at him, battling the need to just lean in and kiss him. His lips were so pink.
We both sucked at the whole “no kissing allowed” thing, and somehow that made me feel a lot better. For once, I wasn’t the needy, dreamy one.
“What do you think?” I asked in a whisper, smiling against the brush of his lips as he bumped our noses together.
“I want to kiss you, Sof, all fucking night long,” he pouted. “Been thinking ‘bout it all day.”
“I’ll make it up to you. Just...lemme have this, yeah?”
“Why?”
“Cause…” I laughed embarrassedly. “I already have your kisses in a little folder in my brain. Now I wanna have this.”
“Is it just me in that folder?” Harry asked, suddenly interested in some other thing that frowning. Curiosity and amusement were burning in his stare and I rolled my eyes at him, almost scoffing at the fact that was the only thing that had managed to catch his attention.
“Mostly you…” I conceded, even though the petty part of me was all for rolling out with a long list of names before I got to his name. “And Sebastian Stan…” I said, not being able to resist it.
“Bucky Barnes?” His eyebrows twisted in confusion and he looked at me as I licked my lips, considering just how weird I wanted my answer to be.
“And the cartoon, too...” I replied, a little bit too casually for it to go unnoticed, but Harry didn’t seem to notice, cause as he was nodding thoughtfully, his hands traveled to my neck again, making me look at him as he dipped his head down to reach the curve of my neck.
“That’s a bit greedy, baby,” He whispered against my skin, pressing soft kisses down to my pulse point. I wasn’t sure if that was technically a kiss, and I didn’t care, it felt so good. “Someone else?” He was cheating, and we both knew it. I could feel his smile growing bigger, and I sighed as he grazed his teeth over the curve of my neck and let his tongue soothe my skin. “Babe?” He insisted, just to tease me. It was hard to think, and he knew it, but I wasn’t going to admit it just yet.
“Uh.” I licked my lips and struggled for a second, as I struggled to remember what was it that I was going to say. “Chris Evans, “ I began. “and uh, Michael B. Jordan. Mmm… and Logan Lerman.”
“Isn’t that the guy you’re gonna work with?” He asked, stopping suddenly to look at me. I fluttered my eyes open and smiled when they could finally focus on him.
“Yeah, him and Timothée Chalamet.”
“Mmmm...I don’t know if I want to share my folder with them,” Harry pouted, which made me laugh. I realized it was no laughing matter, but still, a warm, almost giddy, laughter kept bubbling out of my tummy.
“Why? Does it make you jealous, H?” I teased.
“Should I be?”
“Mmmm...I don’t know. I honestly think I would let Logan fuck me...those eyes, man.”
“So funny, S…” Harry rolled his eyes. He was not as amused as I had expected him to be.
“You shouldn’t be,” I said softly, looking him in the eyes, serious and sincere.
“You sure?” He asked and I was sure he wasn’t talking about Logan Lerman anymore.
“I’m sure, baby.” I wasn’t even lying. “So, who’s in yours?” I asked, cause maybe that’d take attention away from myself. I didn’t think things through though, cause he had a whole bunch of options for his answer. Who could it be? One of his supermodel exes? His singer ex? This wasn’t a fun game at all.
“You.”
“Oh, so THAT’S how you answer that kind of question!!” I exclaimed, which made him laugh, and, as he did so, his dimples showed on his face, making him look a little boyish. He was fucking pretty, Jesus.
“I’m not even trying to be a good boyfriend here,” Harry chuckled, and I relished on the way the word `boyfriend” sounded out of his lips. So pretty, so fucking pretty. “My folder is called “When Sof’s not around”, and I think we need to fill it up, so I don’t run out of thoughts.”
“Oh, we don’t want that,” I scrunched up my nose and shook my head at him as a smile played on my lips. I was so fucking happy and I couldn’t even figure out why.
“No, we don’t.” The tip of his tongue lapped across his pink lips, and I followed it with my eyes, taking a second or two before I peered up to him again. “I was hoping we could kiss all night,” he said softly. “and maybe I could eat you out by the pool.”
“I didn’t bring a swimsuit…”
“You wouldn’t need one, baby,” Harry laughed, a mix of mischief and endearment lacing with it. I couldn’t stop staring at him, and my knees wobbled a bit as he leaned down, bumping our noses together one more time, as the soft brush of his lips against my skin made me shiver.
“Don’t cheat,” I whispered and his soft laugh echoed down in every inch of my body. His lips grazed over my forehead, as he pressed a soft kiss to my skin.
“Ok, baby. We’ll do it your way.”
“Thank you.”
“I think it’s silly, y’know?” He started, pushing me back so he could look at me with his bright green eyes. “We’re just starting, Sof.”
****
I wanted to kiss him.
I looked at him, licking a spoonful of dessert with my head propped on my hand as I listened to him talk, but all I could think of was how much I wanted to lick the trace of chocolate out of his lips.
“Is there something wrong, S?” I noticed there wasn’t much concern in his voice, not like there usually was when he asked me if I was ok. This time, there was a hint of mockery, almost as if he knew exactly what I was thinking and that all I wanted to do was to sit on his lap and press soft kisses from his jaw to his lips.
Fuck.
“No,” I smiled sweetly, cause I wasn’t one to go down without a fight, and I took his hand in mine and pressed it to my lips before I looked at him again.
“Were you distracted?” His smile was turning more devilish as the seconds went by and I felt myself get warm as he leaned closer, his hands dropping to my thigh and pressing softly to it.
He wasn’t gonna win. I was not going to let him.
“Nope,” I said, letting the ‘p’ pop between my lips. “Tell me about your album, I promise I’ll be a grown-up about it.”
“Nice save…” Harry chuckled. “I think you’re gonna like it.”
“I have recently discovered that I’m a very jealous person. I don’t think I’ll like it, but I’ll be happy for you.”
“You shouldn’t be jealous.” A smile tugged on his lips and I felt warm, so warm inside, I couldn’t help but smile as well. “And I think you’re like it, especially since I made a few last-minute changes, against Jeff’s will.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he kept saying I had the guts, the audacity to change the album when we’re about to drop the first single.”
“What changes?” I insisted, because Jeff’s feelings were the least of my concern at the moment.
I wished I could have played it cool. Maybe that would’ve made me look more interesting, aloof, unapproachable, and all those things a girl should be in front of her crush. But my heart was racing and the world was turning chaotic as my head ticked, like a tiny little bomb.
I needed to know.
Tick, tick.
“You’re already sure you’re not gonna like it,” Harry smirked, surely unaware of the mess inside my head. “You might as well wait for it.”
No!!! TIck tick.
“Oh, please, please, pretty please?? What’s the advantage of this if I can’t get a tiny sneak peek?”
“Well, for instance, you get me to cook for you…”
“It was delicious, thank you.”
“And you get me to eat you out at night when you’re not being stubborn and imposing kiss-bans.”
“I like that very much, too,” I giggled, looking at his green eyes as he got just a bit closer, just an inch away from me.
“So it’s not such a bad deal, is it?”
“I guess not.”
“Good.” His bottom lip rolled into his lips and he bit it thoughtfully for a couple of seconds as his eyes kept burning little holes into my soul. That’s how it felt. “Let’s watch a movie, baby. Are there any bans on cuddling?”
“No, not yet.”
His fingers squeezed mine and he got up swiftly from the table, smiling brightly as we covered the few steps to a different room near the pool, where a giant screen awaited for us. There were a bunch of individuals blue chair, blue and velvety, and a larger one, that was meant to comfortably fit two. The room was dark, only lit by the lights coming from the screen, and I followed him blindly until we were sitting side by side. Slowly, we found each other, and as Harry sat against the armchair, I settled between his legs, cuddling up to his chest while his large hand rested on the curve of my waist.
He smelled like a lazy Sunday morning when the rain is lightly tapping on your windows and all you can hear are the chirping birds when still early, so the world hasn’t woken up just yet and you get to focus on that feeling, on the promise of what’s coming.
He also smelled like pasta and chocolate, and I didn’t mind that at all.
He felt soft, comforting, and sweet, but above all, he felt safe. I was safe with him.
And, I struggled for a bit, trying to understand what came next, what was the warmth and giddiness that settled in my tummy every time I looked at him.
“You ok, baby?” Harry asked and I nodded absentmindedly, not ready to let my thoughts go just yet. What was it? “Wanna watch Set It Up?”
“Yeah, whatever you want. your choice.”
“Are you sure you’re ok? You don’t say that often.”
“Oh, shhh, Harry I always do whatever you want.”
“We definitely have different definitions of ‘Whatever Harry wants’” He mused and I propped myself up to look at him, almost suspiciously, almost angry.
“Do we? What do you want?” I asked.
“To kiss you. And for you to stay the night.”
“I have a bed, y’know?” I quirked my eyebrow, looking at him as I had already won the argument.
“Yeah, unfortunately…”
“And we promised we would behave tonight.”
“You can stay in a different room,” he offered. “Or I will.”
“What’s the point then?”
“You won’t have to miss me in the morning…” he shrugged. I laughed out loud, despite my best efforts to look offended. “And I won’t have to miss you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Love.
He looked a lot like love.
And love looked a lot like him.
***
Harry Styles and Sofia Welsh were out grabbing Fro-yo and I’ll never be as cool as either of them
Yes, I know what you’re gonna say: Are they paying you to write this sh*t? And the answer is yes! someone’s paying me to write this sh*t! Alas, neither Harry nor Sofia is. I wish.
The usually private couple, and bear in mind I am using the word couple loosely here as they haven’t confirmed to be dating, gave the world a glimpse of their relationship as they stepped out in Los Angeles to grab ice-creams and bubble teas, along with friends.
Ever since the rumors of their relationship spread around, the couple has been mostly keeping a low profile - which is not very surprising as Harry Styles is not very open about his personal life since he was a member of One Direction and a large part of his fans believed him to be romantically involved with one of his bandmates (that was a mouthful! And also very true, there has been a lot of conspiracy theories about it)
Sofia, who’s in the middle of an Oscar campaign (and has been showing us just how much designers adore her), sported a pair of leggings, a crop top, and a large blazer, a perfect outfit for the ever-changing LA weather, and looked happy and relaxed as she waited for Harry to get their orders. Both stars took photos with fans and left together in Styles’ classic car…
****
We were made out of good intentions.
We slept together that night and every night after that for an entire week. We didn’t do much, we kissed and cuddled, and spent our mornings lazily together until one of us had to go out to the real world. We even went out and we kept stealing looks and smiles at each other, like two little kids that were too shy in front of their crushes.
Photos were taken. Articles were published. Midge was elated.
Harry’s new single was coming out that night, and there was going to be a party to celebrate it. If it was a hit, they were going to celebrate their success and all the hard work that went into it. It was a flop, and it was not going to flop, they were going to drink for better times ahead.
“Fuck!!!”
I stared at the ceiling, willing my body to move and failing miserably at it as every little muscle in my body contracted painfully. My arms hurt, and my legs felt like they were on fire.
I just needed 5 more minutes before I got up and got ready to leave.
It was day 4 of “my new life” as my trainer liked to call it, and after another lunch of grilled chicken and steamed broccoli, I was ready to quit. I had trained and dieted before for different roles, but this time, I had a feeling she wanted to suck the life out of me. It even made me reconsider if I needed to be in a Marvel Movie. Would Midge kill me if I quit?
“Sof…” The male voice scared me just a little, as I thought I was alone in my house. I turn around just slightly, as much as my tired poor body could handle and smiled as I saw Sam standing by my door. “Can I come in?”
He was holding a tray, with something that looked like a sandwich, coffee, and a glass of water, along with a white bottle of medicine. I nodded, grunting even at the soft movement, and he walked quickly to my bed, setting the tray down before me as he stood awkwardly.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I struggled to ask while I propped myself up and sat criss-cross on my bed. I sounded angry, and maybe I was, why would he bring me a sandwich? It was all I wanted to eat and all I couldn’t eat at the same time.
“I’m off work today, and I wanted to check on you. Cat told me you’ve been feeling under the weather. I called your mom and she told me you should “just eat a sandwich and take an aspirin”, so here they are,” he said, offering me a childish smile as he pointed the tray with a little too much joy.
“I can’t eat a sandwich,” I sulked. “And I need to get ready, I have to go to Harry’s.”
“You can eat a sandwich. And he can wait 5 minutes, you’re always there.”
I realized we hadn’t talked about the kiss, not really. I avoided being alone with him, and whenever the occasion presented itself, Sam would go out of the room, giving me space and maybe waiting for me to be the first one to reach out. I had never done that. Honestly, I didn’t think I would.
“You’re right, Sammy,” I said, picking the sandwich in my hands and noticing that he had already cut the crust off. “Thank you.”
It was weird between us, tense and quiet, and I didn’t like it. I bit into the bread looking at an empty spot on the wall as I waited for him to say something. Anything, I would take it. But Sam remained silent, pressing his palms on his thighs as he went to get up.
“Sam,” I called for him and I smiled shyly when he finally turned around. He took his time, though, and for a moment there, I was scared he was going to leave. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s not what you want to hear when someone you like kisses you.”
“I shouldn’t have…”
“Did you want to?”
“Yes,” I breathed and I realized I wasn't lying. I did want to kiss him, there was no use in denying that.
I put the sandwich down on the plate and moved closer to Sam until I could see the golden freckles that were hidden in his light brown eyes.
“Do you remember that night when you came through my window and stayed the night with me?”
“Yeah, I heard your dad scream, and I wanted to be there in case…”
“I know, Sam. I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since then,” I admitted and he kept staring at me as if he was considering what his next move would be. Would he kiss me? Did I want him to kiss me?
“You’re not being fair to me, Sof.”
“I know. You haven’t been fair to me either, but here we are.”
There was a moment of panic, cause for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me. He leaned over me and I held my breath as I looked at him, not able to stop him just yet. But as his lips brushed over my forehead, I closed my eyes, smiling as he pulled away from me.
“Eat the fucking sandwich, Sof,” he replied and it wasn’t enough. I took his hand before he could leave and I licked my lips, peering up to him with something more than just fear pressing up to my chest.
“Are we good?”
“Yeah.”
“I guess we’ll talk about it again when he gets back with his ex.”
That was a low blow, and we both knew it, but I just stayed quiet as he left the room, wondering if I deserved it.
****
It took me a while to get ready, so I was late for Harry’s party. I went straight to the pool, where a large screen had been set up and the new video seemed to be on a loop. I couldn’t find Harry anywhere, but at the same, he was all I could see. I stared at the screen, looking at his golden skin as he was surrounded by the adoring crowd, at the way they kept touching and the expression on his face as he leaned into them. The song didn’t even matter, cause all I could focus on was his stupidly beautiful green eyes.
I mean, I had watched his videos before. I had seen him fly through the sky and be surrounded by kids, but this was different. Those were entertaining and beautiful, and I felt the emotion in my tummy simply because it was him, and somehow, just seeing him made me happy. But in this one he meant to capture your attention and a little bit of your soul. He wanted to be desired and to be free along the way. And it was such a fucking sexy video.
I lost count of how many times I allowed myself to watch the video, but it was probably too many times. After a while, I decided it was time to look for the real Harry, who was still nowhere to be seen, so I left the pool, smiling and greeting everyone as I passed by.
I hoped he was alone, cause I wanted to fucking kiss him like no one else was looking. I wanted to tell him how lovely, talented, and amazing he was. I was going to kiss him a lot and praise him, it couldn’t get better than that.
I looked for him in the living room, where a small crowd was throwing back cocktails and beers and went out to the front door, where people were lounging about, a bit drunkenly. But he wasn’t anywhere, and I was starting to feel uneasy.
It took me more than a few minutes to make my way to his room because people kept getting in my way. I did my best to smile and engage in silly conversations about nothing, but my heart was growing heavy and my brain was too anxious to even remember if I had succeeded.
I heard him talk even before I stood by his door. I couldn’t quite tell what he was saying or who he was talking to, but I noticed that his words were a little bit slurred, and his accent dripped thick in his low voice. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open and stood by the frame as I saw him talking on the phone. He had his back to me, so he didn’t notice that I had arrived, not that it mattered.
“C, you’re drunk,” I heard him say and I wished he had just said a different name. “No...I know I told you it was just a PR relationship...Cause I need time to figure out...Really, C? Wanna know if I still love you? You’re not being fair...” The last part came out as a dry laugh, and I knew I had to leave, it was rude and inappropriate, but, most importantly, it was breaking my fucking heart. But my feet seemed like they were made out of cement, and my legs had chosen that moment to numb out of pain. So, I was still standing there when he turned around, and probably saw the tears that were threatening to spill down my eyes.
I wanted to know the answer too. Could I know it? It’d save us a lot of pain.
“Bye, C.”
He dropped his phone to the bed and I looked at him as he walked quickly to me. He looked flustered and worried, but it all seemed so distant, that it didn’t matter.
“Baby,” Harry said, but that wasn’t my name. Did her call her baby too? He probably did, he was a ‘baby’ kind of guy. “Are you ok?”
“Yes, I was looking for you cause I wanted to check if you wanted me to post something on Instagram,” I lied. “D already drafted a tweet, it’s really simple.”
“Sof, how much did you hear?”
“Nothing. I’m gonna get a couple of photos and uh, I’m gonna go home, I think I need a rest day.”
His hand went to grab mine, but before he could do it, I turned and walked away rushing down the stairs until I could get lost in the crowd.
Fair? None of us was being fair.
#Harry Styles#Harry Styles writing#harry styles smut#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fluff#harry styles fanfic#harry writing#hs#writing#I'm gonna post this cause I may never post it otherwise!#Please lemme know if you read it and if you liked it!
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Do you think if the Metal Gear Solid movie is based off the 1998 game, do you think it’d be a romance/action flick? With a random obligatory love scene between Meryl and Solid Snake?
I know the director would have to appease a large general audience, possibly a large percentage who’ve never heard of the game before. I just don’t know how I’d feel about Snake and Meryl hugging each other without clothes on.
Do you think the director will make Ocelot ambidextrous, do you think Ocelot will still be fighting for Big Boss or just turn out to be some senile old-man who has a torture complex and doesn’t know where he is half the time?
I just hope Otacon isn’t some random guy Snake says “hi” to and never talks to again.
For some reason I’m worried about this film, but maybe it’ll surprise me and many fans and turn out really good.
you have come to discuss and i’m so happy. replying under the cut because i’m kinda
Do you think [the movie]’d be a romance/action flick with a random obligatory love scene between Meryl and Solid Snake?
It better not fucking be. I’m gonna say it, it better not fucking be.
the director seems to really love the source material and MGS, as a Game, is. not about Romantic Love (well. not Heterosexual Romantic Love. ask me about my feelings on how lesbian love (through SLove and Joy) and gay love (through... y’know) are the driving salvating forces of MGS) so i do think AND hope he wouldn’t do the movie and the source material dirty like that.
MGS does have some Flirtatious Moments between Meryl and Snake but not only do their relationships ultimately fail (LOL) these moments are also kinda awkward and gawky.
it’s a sad truth that Hollywood Really Likes its Man And Woman Look At Each Other And Kiss scenes but i do hope the director will overcome this formula + IN THIS DAY AND AGE I MUST SAY. Meryl is canonically 18 in MGS. this makes hers and Snake’s relationship Not That Great and with a heavy power imbalance. Meryl’s youth is also important to her character because it’s the fact that she’s so young which makes her behave how she does in MGS. however, in the year of our Lady 2020, women have spoken about large age gaps between characters in movies, and how it’s part of a bigger problem (i could elaborate oooh i could so bad). having a Kiss Scene would mean a number of things, you either:
A. have a young Meryl as she is, and the scene is uncomfortable, creepy, + the age gap between THE REAL LIVING ACTOR AND ACTRESS is fucked up.
B. you age up Meryl and you take away from her a crucial reason why she is the way she is.
C. you acknowledge it’s kinda Freaky and you either remove intense romantic scenes or you keep em as the awkward back-and-forth there is in MGS, with, as you’ve noticed, NO KISS. THEY NEVER KISS. YAAAY.
(I know the director would have to appease a large general audience, possibly a large percentage who’ve never heard of the game before. I just don’t know how I’d feel about Snake and Meryl hugging each other without clothes on.)
I’m deeply aware a number of Gamers who had MGS when they were little will be VERY attached to Meryl As The Love Interest, but as you can guess, as 1. a dyke 2. a human person 3. a pair of eyes i’m like. not fucking excited about it. the best way (for me) to go about it is like. acknowledge Meryl is blinded by her youth and seeing The Legend. if we get a sex scene? an implied-sex scene? simply i am rioting. i am not witnessing sir Oscar Isaac’s ass on my screen.
Do you think the director will make Ocelot ambidextrous, do you think Ocelot will still be fighting for Big Boss or just turn out to be some senile old-man who has a torture complex and doesn’t know where he is half the time?
Not sure about the ambidexterity, I do think it’d be fucking funny for Ocelot to drop his gun like in that one Twin Snakes scene.
One of the things that i think is going to be hard for the movie is Lay Out the Lore, IF they go the “be as faithful to the source material as possible”, so showing 1. who’s big boss 2. why is ocelot here is going to be.... Interesting To See. showing ocelot as a senile old man would be a great disservice to the fans because he’s deeply loved and a great disservice to the source material because he’s like emblematic and one of the most implicated characters.
if the director loves MGS as much as he says he does he MUST have seen the interviews in which Kojima says Big Boss and Ocelot shared “pure love” since the moment they met, so... c’mon boy it’s going to be 2021 you can give us the Lighting Of Cigar in a flashback. you know you can.
I just hope Otacon isn’t some random guy Snake says “hi” to and never talks to again.
Otacon is literally SO emblematic to the franchise i do not think the director, as a Fan, would do him dirty, but then y’know. i can be surprised. in a bad way.
even if the movie is focused on MGS (1998) and doesn’t touch on MGS2 where snake and hal already. live together apparently or MGS4 where they raise a child together, i do not think hal will just have a small role. like... he’s GOTTA be important. i would pray if i did that they do not discard him for Meryl because she’s the Love Interest because Hal is canonically the one who stays by Snake until the end of his life.
ADD: I understand they could very much Go Their Own Ways and make something Different but then... why make an MGS movie. why not make a movie with new people. new characters. new settings. you feel.
For some reason I’m worried about this film, but maybe it’ll surprise me and many fans and turn out really good.
you’re perfectly in your rights to be, and I am too. as I’ve said I’d much rather have had an animated movie, or even an animated mini-series. I hope it brings more love to the original materials. I hope it doesn’t turn out an umpteenth Action/Romance movie. I’d pray for it to turn out right but that’s not the type of relationship me and my watchers have.
#thank you so much for letting me air my grievances. feel free to ask more shit#about the mgs movie#i prolly have more shit to say that i didn't because#i forgot. lol#neigh (blabbers)#ring ring (answers)#mgs movie thots#anonymous
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BUILD! A! PROM! FOR EVERYONE! NOT! FOR! SOME! BUT EVERYONE!
Let me just start off by saying that I love this musical so fucking much. And let me finish that by saying I’m equally excited and nervous for the movie. But that’s a conversation for another day.
I remember my sister coming back from her school trip where she went to see The Prom and met Kalyn West and telling me the plot and I sat there like “what the actual fuck”
I also vividly remembering her saying that Kalyn looked like she wanted to stab every kid in their workshop or whatever.
My proudest moment will be that I got one of my friends who recently came out to me as bi to listen to The Prom and she actually liked it.
I also remember my sister playing Just Breathe for me but not really. She played “note to self: don’t be gay in Indiana” and then stopped it.
Shoutout to those two ladies that I saw at Petco that both looked like DeeDee Allen and made me think I went insane when I was on FaceTime. I hope they’re doing well.
“gEt tHEm oUt oF hEre! noW!”
I love the ensemble part of Its Not About Me so much. “This is not about- WHAT IS HAPPENING?!”
Dance With You but it’s Kalyn! Emma
Okay, but in the two videos we have of Kalyn! Emma, she looks so absolutely in love with Alyssa. She literally never breaks eye contact. She’s a puppy, and I love her.
I love saying Ms. Greene’s lines in a super mocking voice because she’s the human equivalent of a dill pickle.
I didn’t appreciate how hard the end of Dance With You is until I watched the boot, and like- holy shit, dude.
I am so, so glad that The Acceptance Song was changed between Atlanta and Broadway because oh my god.
Sometimes you just have to aggressively say “Accept me,” ya know.
You Happened but it’s Kalyn! Emma
I am also very glad that You Happened was changed. Not only were the Atlanta lyrics very stupid and childish, but we already had a Greenlan duet. The Broadway version gives other characters more personality and still has a Greenlan part.
“And that’s a promise” 🎶that you didn’t keep 🎶
Okay, this has to be the most random thought ever and the dumbest observation I’ve ever made, but I have never once seen Bella (@musical-stan-first-human-later) listening to We Look To You. I’ve seen her listen to every other song, and now I’m curious if she skips it.
I must strut around my room to the beginning of Tonight Belongs to You. It’s a requirement.
The satisfaction of having just listened to Wicked and then hearing a Wicked reference is shockingly high.
My mother ships Kelby, and it’s amazing. “Oh, yeah, they sound suuuuuuper straight
Do Kaylee and Shelby suck? Yes. Do I love them? Abso-fucking-lutely.
AGGRESIVE DANCE BREAK
A screenshot of me
The power of the line “how fucking old do you think I am” is unbeatable.
“Doesn’t that feel better?” “No.” A mood and a half.
The power that leads in musicals who do the least singing and/or dancing is scary.
The Lady’s Improving but it’s Kalyn West
Beth Leavel is too strong. Meryl Streep could never.
YOU CAN’T CHERRY PICK THE BIBLE CHOOSING WHICH PARTS YOU WANNA BELIEVE
Okay, but Love Thy Neighbor was the first song from The Prom I’d ever heard, and it was when I decided that I was a Shelby stan. I heard “because that’s how god made her, Shelby” and just decided to stan.
I’ll never live down that one time I played Love Thy Neighbor in front of my friend who just came to terms with her sexuality, my crush at the time, who also had divorced parents. I think about it and wish that I could simply not.
The scene before Love Thy Neighbor is way too funny. It holds some of the best lines in the whole show including “I saw a Fox News van drive down my street” “at least they’re on our side”
AGGRESSIVE DANCE BREAK TWO: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
Alyssa Greene but it’s- I actually don’t have one for this and that’s a crime.
Alyssa Greene and Little Miss Perfect are the same song.
I love The Prom because it doesn’t show things in a “this character is right, and this character is wrong” type of way. They make sure that you like and actually understand Alyssa and Emma both, which makes everything so much more heartbreaking because you feel for both of them.
Unruly Heart makes me so happy and soft.
Kaylee is iconic in the scene before It’s Time To Dance. “That guy from talk to the hand really opened our eyes.” I love her.
It’s Time To Dance is happy brain noises.
I know the choreo to It’s Time To Dance from watching it an unhealthy amount of times.
That last “until the day comes, I say cue the drums...” hits so different and actually makes me so happy.
Final Judgement: I will not say that this musical doesn’t have flaws because everything has issues, but this show is really important to so many kids. It’s representation is so crucial to LGBTQ teens feeling safe, and I wish it had been able to run for longer.
Next musical is Come From Away, and then it’s Frozen day.
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Ryan Murphy’s (Kinda) True ‘Hollywood’ Story: 1940s Meets Gay Stars, Interracial Romance and (Gasp!) a Female Studio Chief
The prolific TV creator and Netflix unveil a revisionist take on the golden age of movies, showing how much (and how little) has shifted in entertainment and beyond: “'Hollywood’ can change the world.”
On an abnormally cold January evening, on the steps of Los Angeles’ Shrine Auditorium, history was being rewritten.
Two actors, one playing Rock Hudson, the other Hudson’s African American screenwriter boyfriend, Archie, were tucked inside a teal blue Packard Club Sedan, awaiting their cue. Outside, it was Oscar night, 1948, and despite warnings of grave backlash, the pair was prepared to step out as a couple for the first time.
Archie exited first, his eyes wide with trepidation, then Rock. In matching white tuxedos, they grabbed for each other’s hands and shuffled nervously down the red carpet.
The press box erupted in hisses, then boos.
“Are we doing the right thing?” Archie whispered.
“Absolutely we are,” Rock replied.
The two exchanged smiles, exhaled and made their way into the theater. Then they stopped and did it again. And again.
Ryan Murphy, the scene’s chief architect, was a few miles east, buried in one of his dozen other projects, but his fingerprints could be detected everywhere. The reimagining — part of his new Netflix anthology series, Hollywood — offers a world in which Hudson (played by Jake Picking) walked openly as a gay man, as opposed to the real-life heartthrob who remained closeted until his death from AIDS in the mid-1980s. Elsewhere in Murphy’s revision of history, an African American actress, played by Laura Harrier, is cast as the star of a major studio picture, written by Hudson’s black boyfriend (Jeremy Pope), helmed by a half-Asian director (Darren Criss) and greenlit by a female studio chief (Patti LuPone) and her gay head of production (Joe Mantello).
If Pose was Murphy’s effort to champion the marginalized, Hollywood’s his shot at imagining such marginalization was undone decades ago. The series, his first without his longtime collaborators at 20th Century Fox Television, drops in its entirety May 1, with a sprawling ensemble of real and fictional characters. It was supposed to feel timely, its period backdrop a reminder of how much and how little has changed in 70-plus years; now, landing in a world grappling with a global pandemic, its 1940s setting could be the escape so many are seeking.
“I’ve always been interested in this kind of buried history, and I wanted to create a universe where these icons got the endings that they deserved,” says Murphy, 55, who’s been waiting out the virus at his home in Los Angeles, with his husband and two young sons, who now require homeschooling. “It’s this beautiful fantasy, and in these times, it could be a sort of balm in some way.”
The Netflix executives who shelled out roughly $300 million for Murphy’s services in 2018 can only hope so. Already, they’ve had to cancel influencer screenings, scrap subway ads and punt on potential plans for a premiere benefit for the now hard-hit Motion Picture Television Fund, which houses several stars of the era in its L.A. retirement facility. As for the show itself, it’s certainly not the broad-sweeping, four-quadrant fare that Netflix is widely thought to prefer. The pilot episode alone features six sex scenes — a mix of gay and straight — and nearly all involve some sort of financial transaction. By episode three, which the show’s writers have nicknamed “night of a thousand dicks,” the characters have found their way to one of director George Cukor’s infamous pool parties.
Still, Netflix head of originals Cindy Holland says that Hollywood is exactly the kind of elevated, inclusive and ultimately hopeful programming that the company wants from Murphy, and the seven-episode limited series was fast-tracked as a result. “What I love,” she says, “is that Ryan is creating a world that he wants to will into existence.”
***
Murphy’s first inkling for Hollywood came over a celebratory dinner with Criss following their fruitful awards run for the Versace installment of American Crime Story. With rosé flowing, the two began discussing a next possible collaboration. Murphy wanted to do something young and hopeful; Criss proposed 1940s Hollywood. The 33-year-old actor had been fascinated by the lore surrounding characters like Scotty Bowers, the L.A. hustler who operated out of a gas station on Hollywood Boulevard, along with golden age stars like Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, and he was eager to explore the era with Murphy.
“There’s a blinking red light on it that says, ‘Ryan Murphy, Ryan Murphy,’ ” says Criss, “because it’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s glamorous, it’s dangerous and it has resonance now.”
Murphy didn’t disagree. As a student of Hollywood history, he’d already gone down the road with his FX series Feud, which centered its first season on Joan Crawford and Bette Davis. This would simply allow him to dig deeper on figures who’d long captured his attention, from Anna May Wong, the first Chinese American movie star, who was effectively run out of Hollywood, to Hattie McDaniel, the first African American to win an Oscar and not be allowed to sit with her cast in the theater. “I’m always moved by these characters who weren’t fully seen or didn’t get their moment,” says Murphy in an interview on the Paramount lot earlier this year, where he was directing Meryl Streep in The Prom, another Netflix production. At one point, he’d even toyed with the idea of doing a Biography-style anthology series with an episode devoted to each.
Not long after that dinner, Criss was at a bachelor party when his phone rang. It was Murphy. “He says, 'Do you mind if I just do my thing on this?’ ” says Criss. “And I’m like, 'You’re Ryan fucking Murphy. Do whatever you want!’ ”
So, Murphy picked a collaborator, Ian Brennan, with whom he’d worked on Glee, Scream Queens and The Politician, and the two began quietly tossing around ideas. With the help of a few researchers, they landed on a story that revolved around a Bowers-esque service station, with a staff full of actors and directors looking to be stars. “It was super fun and sexy and salacious,” says Brennan, “but it was also about the #MeToo underbelly of 1940s Hollywood, which felt very, very contemporary.”
The men found it exhilarating to depict sex so explicitly and in every possible combination. “To be able to describe exactly what is happening is really, really cool,” says Brennan. And despite the appetite for such racy content varying dramatically around the globe, Netflix brass was passionate about its inclusion — a marked difference from his and Murphy’s experience on previous shows, where they fought tooth and nail over the mere mention of sexual terms. “I hope this isn’t speaking out of school,” he adds, “but the one thing [Netflix’s vp original series] Brian Wright said to me, was, like, 'Thumbs-up on the sex. If anything, dial that up.’”
From the Pose writers room, producer Janet Mock would see Murphy and Brennan huddled in a nearby room and wonder what the latest “secret Ryan Murphy project” was all about. At one point, Mock found herself pumping intel out of a writers’ assistant, who told her, “It’s a thing called Hollywood, it’s about this gas station.” Having seen the 2017 documentary Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood, she figured, “OK, there’s no place for me in that. I’ll continue with Pose.”
But that would soon change, beginning with an eye-opening discussion in the writers room about which of the ensemble’s contract players would be picked to star in the film at the center of Hollywood. The role was that of real-life actress Peg Entwistle, a blonde Brit who jumped to her death from the famed Hollywood sign. “At first, we were like, “Well, it can’t be the black girl [Harrier’s Camille], they wouldn’t have done it. …’ And then it was like, 'Well, wait a second, what if it actually was? What if Peg becomes Meg,’ ” says Brennan. One what-if led to another and then another, and before long they’d decided to go back in and start revising history — this time, with Mock as a credited writer.
Now, rather than use the series to, say, showcase the powerlessness of a studio head’s aging housewife, in this case LuPone’s Avis, they tweaked the story so that suddenly it explores what would happen if Avis gained control of her husband’s studio. It was the same for several others, including Rock Hudson, says Murphy’s co-creator. Instead of telling the tragic tale of a person forced to hide, they allowed themselves to explore what would happen if he refused to do so. “Once we began asking, 'What if?’ it became a different show,” says Brennan, with Mantello adding: “It became a fable of what could have been.”
With Netflix execs eager to get the series up on the service, Murphy began loading the cast with his usual mix of familiar names — from Jim Parsons, as Hudson’s real-life closeted agent Henry Wilson, to Rob Reiner, as the head of the fictional Ace Studios — and newer discoveries, like Samara Weaving (Ready or Not) as Reiner’s daughter, or Picking as Hudson and Pope as his fictional boyfriend. As with other recent ensembles, he listed all of them not in order of importance or seniority but rather alphabetically on the call sheet. The message was clear: “The star of the show is the show,” says Murphy. Still, initial hires Criss and David Corenswet, who’d made his debut on The Politician, were given executive producer credits, along with backend points on the series. (There’s already talk of a season two, which would pick up in the late 1960s, with many of the same actors in entirely new roles.)
At some point in the production process, Murphy found himself scaling back the graphic nature of the series, too — a byproduct of his own personal recalibration, he says, having spent so much of his pre-Netflix life fighting to show so much as a woman’s nipple. “When you’re finally free, you have this tendency to go full tilt boogie, but ultimately I became much more interested in the emotion of the characters, and, frankly, I became protective of them,” he explains, suggesting every episode had an X-rated version, an R-rated version and a PG version, and, to the delight of participants like Corenswet, who plays an actor-cum-sex worker, Murphy would almost always select the R one.
“I think Ryan realized as we were shooting that the best part of the sex was the romance — and that’s always great to hear as an actor, especially when it applies to your five-page sex scene with Patti LuPone,” says the 26-year-old Corenswet. LuPone, for her part, was just thrilled she was still asked to do a sex scene at age 71. “Finally!” she bellows, praising Murphy for having both the vision and the courage to take the risks he does: “Ryan’s fearless,” says the Tony winner, who also popped up in Pose, “and I’m so happy to be in his world."
***
Long before Murphy was a household name, with a big fat Netflix deal to ostensibly take all the risks he wants, he was a frustrated former journalist fighting to change a system that wasn’t built for him. His own secret had been revealed at just 15, when his mother found a drawer full of love letters from his then-22-year-old boyfriend at their home in Indiana. Horrified, she and Murphy’s father threw their son into counseling, hoping he could be "fixed.”
A decade or two later, after his first career as an entertainment writer, Murphy carved out a place for himself in television, where he could exist comfortably as a gay man — so long as he didn’t try to write anyone like himself into scripts. “There were lots of words that they’d use to discriminate against you,” he says, “too flamboyant, too camp, too theatrical, and they were all code.”
By the mid-1990s, he’d joined forces with 10 or so other out or soon-to-be-out creatives, a group that included Nina Jacobson, Greg Berlanti and A Beautiful Mind’s Bruce Cohen. Giving themselves the name “Out There,” they’d meet in courtyards and living rooms to swap horror stories and try to plot a path forward. “We were young and didn’t have much money, but we had a lot of energy and a need to connect with and support each other as gay people working in a straight environment,” says Jacobson, who’d later collaborate with Murphy on American Crime Story and Pose. “And for a lot of us, it was, for the first time, that feeling of community.”
In time, Murphy, like the others, found a way to “monetize [his] pain.” His first creation, Popular, debuted in 1999, and other opportunities followed. Popular begat Nip/Tuck, Nip/Tuck begat Glee, and before he knew it, Murphy had moved from TV’s fringes to its red-hot center. As The New Yorker once wrote, “He changed; the industry changed; he changed the industry.” In early 2018, he signaled that power by signing a nine-figure deal, among the most lucrative in the medium’s history.
So it is perhaps fitting that Murphy’s first project wholly for and from the service includes a scene that trumpets what he calls “the thesis statement” of his career. It begins with Criss’ character, Raymond, being regaled by the story of Anna May Wong’s awe-inspiring screen test for the lead role in the 1937 adaptation of The Good Earth, a part that ultimately went to a far less deserving Caucasian actress. Suggesting it was one of the saddest stories Raymond had ever heard, a film executive played by Mantello responds:
“What’s so sad about it? The picture was a hit. [They] were right. You can’t open a picture with a Chinese lead or a colored one, a number of theaters won’t run it.”
Raymond: “But you said she deserved the part?”
Exec: “Yes, but the hard fact is, had she gotten it, the picture is not a hit.”
Raymond: “How do you know that? You never made the movie, so how do you know it’s not a hit?”
Criss’ character continues with a monologue that is so perfectly Murphy you can almost close your eyes and picture him saying it.
“Sometimes I think folks in this town don’t really understand the power they have. Movies don’t just show us how the world is, they show us how the world can be. If we change the way that movies are made — you take a chance and you make a different kind of story, I think you can change the world.”
Criss himself would argue that Murphy already has. “His dial is always in extremes. So, if he’s doing Glee or Scream Queens or this, it’s at an 11, almost as a middle finger to reality,” says the actor. “It’s like he turned the dial over to say, 'This is how I’d like to see the world in my wildest dreams. Ain’t it fun?’ ”
In the past two years, since he moved his creative hub from 20th Century Fox TV, where he still maintains a considerable roster, Murphy been responsible for producing roughly 200 LGBTQ characters, many featured as leads. At least a third of his Hollywood cast is older than 70 (“Seventy is the new 40,” he teases), and nearly every project he launches is fronted by a woman — and that’s just in front of the camera. “If you see it, you can be it,” Murphy says often.
It’s a worldview that appeals to Netflix’s Holland, for whom he’s already prepped two films (Prom, The Boys in the Band), two docuseries (Circus of Books, Secret Love) and five seasons of inclusive television, including a Halston miniseries that, along with his 20th programs Pose, American Horror Story and American Crime Story, shut down care of COVID-19 in March. In the weeks since, when he isn’t toggling between Tiger King and MSNBC, Murphy’s kept busy writing two new decidedly hopeful series, each with the express purpose of providing viewers and himself an escape. “Ryan’s the rare creator who speaks to many audiences,” says Holland. “It’s not just gay people or straight people or older people or younger people, it’s really all people who are interested in the human condition.”
To date, Murphy claims he has yet to hear the word “no” from his Netflix bosses, though he’s definitely been nudged in certain directions. “They don’t want me to do small, niche things,” he says, acknowledging that not too long ago a project like Hollywood would have been deemed just that. “But they know how to market this,” he explains, noting that Netflix will push his latest series on viewers who also like love stories, young adult series and LGBTQ fare.
For those who worried the ultra-competitive producer would chafe in a system that doesn’t provide a public report card (aka ratings), he argues that that’s been liberating. Brennan backs him up, revealing how they received initial numbers for The Politician a week or two after it premiered late last summer and then another trove of data a month or so later; and though the latter could effectively game out how many people would watch the series over time, Brennan says, “We were sort of like, 'I don’t think that’s helpful.’ ”
Murphy takes it a step further, insisting he’s no longer interested in the old metrics, like how many people are watching or how many awards a series has generated. “All the things that people tell you will make you feel successful … I have those things, they don’t,” he says. What matters to him now is being able to tell stories that he wishes he or others could have seen. To that end, he can’t help but wonder what his own life would have been had he witnessed Rock Hudson walking the Oscars red carpet as an openly gay man — and though it’s too late to change his own experience, Murphy would like to be able to improve the experience of others. So, he took a chance and made a different kind of story. “Hollywood,” he says, “can change the world.”
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Can you do concept about y/n doing a cheating prank on Ethan 😳
I feel like pranking him will be so hard because he's just such a genius when it comes to pulling them on others and he also isn't the type to see something and react immediately. Ethan sits and observes things, never wants to jump to any conclusions, always wants to sit and talk things out if there is even a possibility of a misunderstanding happening.
So you know the prank will have to be long and really well thought out.
And you're willing to put in the effort to watch him take the L for the first time in his life.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," You announce as you place the iPad on the bed, the ebook you are currently reading still open on the page you're at.
Ethan looks up from his phone and raises a brow. "At 2 in the morning?"
Taking out a loose t-shirt from his wardrobe, you shrug your shoulders. "I'm all heated up. I gotta take a cold shower or I won't be able to sleep."
At the mention of a cold shower, both of Ethan's eyebrows went upto his hairline and his mouth dropped open. "Y/N, you'll freeze to death, babe! And if not that, you'll definitely catch a cold."
"I'll be fine." You respond a little rudely, making sure he caught the roll of your eyes as you turned for the bathroom. "I'll be out in a few."
You've been acting a little distant towards Ethan for a few days just so the 'cheating' would look more believable when he finally 'finds out'. Everytime you pull away from a hug or end a kiss too quickly, a part of your soul breaks. Ethan noticed a change in you a while ago and he has brought up your distant behaviour once, but you didn't entertain the conversation.
Thankfully, you won't have to carry on with the facade any longer because tonight is the night the actual prank would go down.
Hopefully.
Before leaving for your shower, you texted your best friend, whose contact name you've changed to Trevor for the time being, to call you once and then text you something scandelous.
Last night was fun. Let's do it again soon? Sounded too fake since it has been used so much by tv shows and movies alike so that line was scrapped.
So were some of the other lines you and your friend came up with, so you just told her to wing it.
You left your phone beside Ethan before leaving so hopefully, the call from 'Trevor' would get his attention and he would see the text that would follow.
And hopefully he would read the previous conversations that you and your friend staged for the prank. There was some serious juice in there.
It all depends on your lovely boyfriend now.
You hum and sing in the shower, happy with your ability of keeping the plan moving without a single hitch for this long. All the hard work would definitely pay off when you will capture Ethan's 'just pranked' face in your camera like he's done to you so many times in the past.
"Oh I'm gonna get him back sooo good for all the shit he's pulled on me!" You grin as you rinse the body wash off but a sudden harsh knock makes you jump out of your skin and curse under your breath.
Here it goes.
"Y/N?" Ethan calls from the other side of the door and you immediately turn the shower off and grab your towel. "Come out right now."
Drying your body in record time, you put on the t-shirt all while your heart is beating fast in your chest.
Don't screw it up don't screw it up don't screw it-
"Y/N?" His voice sounds angrier than it did when he demanded you to come out of the bathroom.
"I'm coming, jeez!"
You take a deep breath to calm your nerves and channel your inner Meryl Streep before opening the door and coming face to face with the brewing tornado that is Ethan Dolan.
He pins you in place with his furious gaze and you notice he's clutching your phone in his hand so hard, his knuckles are white. His breathing is, however, calm and he is just watching you silently.
You gulp.
Don't screw this up!
"What happened? Why were you shouting?" You begin to act like you're annoyed at him. "I had to cut my shower short for you."
A muscle in Ethan's jaw ticked and the dark look he wore in his face made you pray to never get on his bad side. The man who is known for his even temperament finally opens his mouth and the first words that he utters are spoken in the calmest voice you've heard him use.
"Who is Trevor?"
You just stand there in nothing but a t-shirt, pretty sure your nipples are hard and poking through and you realise you should have practiced what you would say to certain questions when your mind goes blank after the one he asked.
"Trevor?" Your voice sounds unsure tobyor own self and you praise the lord for your acting skills. "Tre-trevor who?"
Ethan's eyes seem to turn dark with fury at that response and his anger finally makes his breathing pick up. "Don't. Fuck. With me." His low tone is making your legs weak and your mind shamefully registers how much hotter is is when he's mad. You've rarely seen him this mad. The next second, Ethan shoves your phone into your hand and you barely hold onto it before it could fall.
"Jesus, Ethan! Be careful, will you?"
"Who the fuck is this son of a bitch is what I'm asking you and I need an answer right now, Y/N." Ethan seethes, "What the fuck are those texts?!"
You look at your phone and the screen shows your conversation with 'Trevor' about the size of 'his dick'. You wince, reading some of the texts, knowing just how much of a bitch you must be looking to Ethan right now.
"E..." You make a show of scrolling further down until you come to the picture you had sent 'Trevor' of yourself in the shortest dress you own. When you do look up, you wish you hadn't. Ethan has never looked more heartbroken and betrayed than he does now. Your heart breaks for him and you subconsciously reach for his face.
He steps right back and spits out a, "You have been cheating on me? Since when?"
"I didn't want you to find out like this," You keep the act up, remembering that time he had pranked you into thinking that he'd fallen and split his head open on the skating ramp. Or that time he had pulled "the most epic hockey prank in the world" on you. Those were his exact words. Considering Ethan's impressive history of all the pranks he's pulled on you, you shouldn't really be feeling guilty for this one. "I was gonna tell you on my own, I never wanted you to find out like this."
"How could you do this?" Your heart shattered seeing tears in his eyes. "You of all people? Y/N, I trusted you blindly and you-" Ethan's voice breaks on the last word and he locks his jaw, holding the back of his head with his hands. "Wow, Y/N, real class act."
Your hands itches to pull him to you as he keeps putting distance between you two with every step he takes away from you. "Babe,-"
"Babe?! Don't fucking call me that!" He points his finger at her, yelling at the top of his voice. "If you didn't love me anymore, you could have said so and fucking left! Why did you fucking cheat- you've been acting weird because of that asshole, aren't you? You don't want me because fucking Trevor is now in the picture, huh? Who the fuck is this Trev-"
Ethan lunges for your phone and rips it out of your hand, causing you to gasp and gape at him, stunned.
"Ethan, what are you doing?"
"I'm gonna call this motherfucker and give him a piece of my mind." He furiously looks through your contacts until his eyes land on the one he was looking for. "This son of a fu-"
"Ethan, give me my phone!" You try to get the phone out of his hand but he only grips it tighter, his jaw set and eyes blazing.
"Why? You don't want your little boyfriend to get chewed out? Oh wait! That's me!" Ethan scoffs with a shake of his head. "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. I don't wanna talk to that scum and I don't wanna look at your cheating face for another second."
Throwing the phone on the bed, Ethan turns and starts for the door but not before grabbing his car keys from his nightstand. You silently rejoice in your head at how greatly the whole plan played out. You knew he would want to leave after the 'confrontation' so you already got Grayson to paint some words on Ethan's BMW.
When you two make it outside, you see that Gray has done his job right. Right there on the hood of the black car, blood red paint spells out-
Just a prank, babe! ;)
Ethan halts and you stop a step behind him, finally being able to smile without having to worry about hiding it. Ethan's back faces you and just by the way his tensed shoulders relax, you know he's read the message.
"Really?" He breaths, slowing turning to face you. His eyes roam your face attentively and when he's done searching for whatever it is he is looking for in your expression, he sighs and brings a hand to his temple, massaging it. "This isn't cool, Y/N."
You are sporting the biggest cheshire cat grin ever as you shrug like you didn't just work him up to a mini heart attack. "Gray wanted to take revenge on you by using spray paint but I made sure it was washable."
Ethan turned back, swiped his finger through the paint and surely, it wiped off. "Thank fuck. That's the least you could do after what you did to me."
"I got you good. Really good." You can't stop grinning from ear to ear.
Ethan reaches out for you with one simple command, "Come here."
You don't have a problem with doing as he says and within seconds, your head his pressed against his chest and your arms are wrapped around his narrow waist. Ethan holds you tight, his chin resting on top of your head.
A moment of silence passes where you just enjoy being in each other's embrace before Ethan breaks the silence.
"Who is Trevor?"
After you facetime 'Trevor' and Ethan gets to see it's actually your best friend, he is slowly getting back to his hype self.
"I can't believe you did that! And you had Grayson paint my car!"
"Its not like you haven't done worse things to both Gray and I!"
"You don't know how fucking pathetic that was! I almost cried, babe. What the fuck." He mumbles the last three words into your bosom, his arm thrown over your waist as you let him lay half on top of you. "I can't do that ever again."
"You never admitted that I got you good."
"Shut up."
"C'mon, don't be a sour loser. Admit you just got the life pranked out of you!"
"Babe."
"You know what? Don't just say it to me, tweet it out with the picture I took of you outside."
"Babe, c'mon!"
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man i bet it's super odd for the ancestor trolls to be putting out pale feels on anyone, much less a human. I can just see the most frustrated lil ball of horns and teeth trying to figure out if theres, ya know, *room* in a human's life for moirailegence with this whole platonic structure called a family and the only-one-romance-a-hooman standard/stigma and. they need a pap just tryin to figure it out! If you wouldn't mind, i'd love to hear your take on how psiionic darkleer, n dualscar would do
Me skating the fuck in to answer Ancestors requests. (I’m assuming this is in reference to my Ancestors live on Earth C timeline, but the headcanons themselves will work for just a general human interaction, I promise)
So, a note about Earth C and quad: I really can’t imagine that troll, human, and carapacian concepts of romance wouldn’t start to mingle, at least to a certain extent. After all, the three species come up at the same time, right alongside each other.
Quadrants aren’t exactly the norms for humans even there. Our reproductive needs are different, for one-thing. Additionally, I have to imagine that even without the social coding of Earth-A, a good chunk of humans would probably still tend to be fairly monogamous, especially if one of the primary texts left behind was written by a human woman raised on human monogamy who took only one lover herself. However, there’s probably a healthy chunk of humans who go by quadrants, trolls who go by human romance, and some who mix and match (for instance, “This is Ben, my significant other, and this is Meryll, my kismesis”). Its something most people figure out as they get older.
However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the ancestors have cottoned on to the nuances of it all. Getting the idea of human monogamy through their heads was hard enough, and once it happens, of course THEN they have to catch pale feelings for one of the squishy fucks!
The Psiionic: So, unlike the other two on this list, Captor has actually had some experience with relationships that are a little more....fluid. Vantas and Leijon’s relationship always fell squarely in the middle of the chart, borrowing elements from all and none. Hell, his OWN relationship with the two of them tiptoed pitch, pale, ashen, and flushed depending on the day of the week. So, while he does still broadly conceive of things like an Alternian, its not necessarily an insurmountable barrier for him.
How he proceeds depends a lot on whether or not the human already has an s/o. If you do, he ultimately just bites the bullet and asks to talk to both of you (bringing Vantas and Leijon along for emotional support). He doesn’t want to move in where he’s not welcome and he’s got no designs on your flushed relationship. He’s quiet and his voice is shaking a bit as he struggles to keep his nerves (and by extent, his psiionics) under controll. But he’s never seen the point in fucking around the pricklefrond. Either you feel the same, or you don’t.
If you don’t have an s/o, though, he just sort of carefully allows himself to become a feature in your life. He’s a little shakey socially but he puts the effort in to be around you. Captor’s never gonna be the most effusive emotionally, but he does make a point to give the occasional genuine compliment as to how he appreciates who you are, and what you do. When you’re having trouble he has a tendency to just sort of materialize in the background to offer his help. Pale flirting is all about trust, both engendering it, and demonstrating it for each other. No matter how oblivious you are, its hard not to notice that his walls are usually so high for others, yet they seem to come down around you.
Despite aforementioned not-fucking-around-the-pricklefrond, its possible he won’t ever use the word moirail for you unless you ask him about it. You’re human, and he doesn’t see the need to regale you with the complexities of troll romance if you’re both happy with the current arrangement. One way or another, though, Vantas runs at the mouth and spills the beans to you, and you have a good long talk about it.
Executor Darkleer: This guy, on the other hand, is a staunch traditionalist, paired with the fact that he ultimately thinks he’s somehow unworthy of love in any form.
Years of social conditioning don’t just fall away because you and your former empress shop for box wine at the same liquor store now. As an expatriate, Zahhak was literally forbidden from contributing to the filial slurry, and was far too isolated to acquire a moirail. The best he had was the occasional frustrated shoosh-pap from Mindfang just to snap him out of his moods for a bit. Now, the old empire may have fallen away, but he’s still to some extent punishing himself. As a result, as soon as he figures out he’s catching pale feelings for a human, he starts avoiding you at all costs. He can’t allow himself to fall into any kind of temptation. The very qualities that attract him to you are the same reason he’s convinced you deserve something better.
Fortunately, there was no way you were friends with Darkleer in the first place if you were the type to let social avoidance turn you off. After a couple of weeks of not hearing from him (and a few confusingly smug texts from Mindfang when you ask her if he’s doing alright and her only response was “Go find out. I’m sure he’ll 8e more than alr8 ;;;;)”), you show up at his hive and bang on the door until he finally lets you in.
If you were hoping for a big confession, you’ll probably be a little disappointed: he’s not the type. But he does let you chastise him for withdrawing like that, finally extracting a promise that he won’t do it again. All the while him thinking that this, too, could be part of his penance. To let the human stay with by your side....but not allow yourself the luxury of what you truly want....why its almost scandalous-
Yup. He’s pale edging himself, and will continue to do so until you finally break down and demand he explain why he’s being so weird. Or until Mindfang loses her patience and tells you herself, if only to get him to stop leaving soliloquies in her DMs. Either way.
Dualscar: Another traditionalist, but he’s never really been lucky enough in love to be that picky about the system he falls under. The last proper, long-lasting quadrant relationship he had was his kismesis with Mindfang, and well.....kind of a funny story how that one went, honestly.
Assuming you’re single, his way forward is pretty easy. He reads up on human romance for 48 hours straight and presumes he knows what the fuck is up. Honestly its not terribly different from moirallegiance in some respects. You’re supposed to uplift your partner, and plenty of sources recommend that your s/o should be your “best friend”. Conversations involving your feelings are a norm, and humans even have the concept of a “fated match”, something pretty integral to Alternian moirallegiance. As for the rest, well, he can lean into some of the redder aspects of his feelings, pull out the old Ampora charm, and leave the rest in Lady Luck’s hands, right?
Right?
Well....for the first few months it works fine. You’ve always been close with Dualscar, felt like you got each other on some level, and to some degree a romantic relationship felt like a natural extension of that. He can be sweet, showers you with gifts, and is good at listening to your problems and letting you bitch without making you feel like you’re burdening him. He’s funny, in a bitchy dad kind of way, and frankly kind of dashing.
But something’s off. You notice he seems to shrink down a little bit when you try to get a bit more physical with him. Not like he dislikes it, necessarily, more like he’s...confused. While you feel closer with him than ever, there’s none of those flowery declarations you find tucked in his journal, dedicated to great loves in his past. Even on your end, you feel like you still just think of him as like.....a best friend, but more so somehow? Being romantic with him as you would be with a human feels...wrong, You reflect each other so well and so closely that its like you’re a piece of each other, and calling him your boyfriend feels like trying to call yourself your own boyfriend.
The truth comes out when you try to break up with him and in a panic he explains himself to you. Running through a long (and somewhat incoherent) crash course on troll romance, with a special focus on moirallegiance. He’s stumbling over his words (unusual when he’s sober), half waiting for your eyes to widen in shock and for you to end things forever.
So imagine his shock when you blink a few times and say “why the hell didn’t you just say so?”
As Peixes would say later, “L-Eave it to an Ampora to mak-E s)(it way mor-E glubbin complicat-Ed t)(an it n-E-Eds to b-E.”
#homestuck#homestuck ancestors#hs ancestors#ancestors#the psiionic#executor darkleer#orphaner dualscar#human moirail#headcanon#long post askjfasdlkjfsa#Anonymous
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TRIMAX VOLUME ONE LETS GOOOOOO
....i didnt remember this was just 6 chapters...wow
ANYWAY LETS GO
chap 1:
-youre right IT MUST BE TOLD TIL THE END OF TIMES
-1st act of god you say...huh
-yeah who could believe that...thats insane....jaja
-ERIKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
-ik this was written in the 90s but i still dont like eriks saying that, like wth man lina is right
-hey lina :3 missed you
-....i like the new glasses...
-THAT SHOT REFLECTING VAHS YES THATS NICE LETS GO
-"lina cover your eyes :]" oh :c
-"oh is eriks again" :c
-YEAH GRANNY KILL THEM ALL >:D
-"stop. some legend that is" ow :c
-this is all just so sad cuz he rea;;y wanted to retire but he cant :c hes vash the stampede
-ww laughing at fake vash is the best xd
-YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:D
-also thats funny cuz yeah vash COULD shoot you in a matter of seconds but thats not what his name means and i really like that :3
chap 2:
-aw lina :c
-imagine going to the store and finding the silliest/most depressed wet cat in the universe ready for adoption
-GIVE ME THE PONY TAIL STAMPEDE GIVE IT TO ME PLS
-ok but how did you (from the perspective of a stranger) figure that knives was a name? knives comes from knife, so if a random person read "knives" wouldn't they think about the utensil first?????
-vash: how do you know so much about this evil entity that is my brother?
ww: hehe, please
-ily lina theyre talking bs
-YEAH >:D FREE BODY GUARD
-...im not ready for stampede eriks i will evaporate
-OH MY GOD THE HAIR
-BRO SHUT UP OFC SHE SAYS SHE DOESNT HAVE THAT POWER WHEN HE KICKED (i think) A FUCKING BULLET IM SO SAD
-....I WILL EVAPORATE IM TELLING YOU
chap 3:
-YEY MERYLS BDAY :D
-go get your vacation queen ily
-keele i will yeet you into the sun
-im never not going to be so fucking mad at HOW EASY THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS BASTARD MENTIONED MERYL LIKE IK YOU MISS YOUR DEAR FRIEND BUT OMG it just makes me sad
-wolfwood :3
-i like that :3 meryl just cant be an office person anymore when shes discover more of her world and people like vash. even if she almost died a lot of times, those were also the times when she was alive.
-YEAH MILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
chap 4:
-:c
-ok but that panel with mostly shade is scary
-i also want to lift my whole self with my arm :D (she said even though just walking places makes him tired)
-ok but if he trained like that for 150 years no wonder he's the only pro gunman ever
-i like his face on that panel, he's amazed and proud that one of his siblings survived for that long
-vash knows why is it always like that and he understands it but god he wishes so hard for it to just fucking stop and it breaks my little heart
-hes literally just an anime girl saying "hi-mi-tsu :3" (im so sorry i will never say that again but I'm right)
-he remembers people and names after so many fucking years
-also those children probably have never met him but vash gives so much ragdoll energy that they went with it (ok never mind maybe they did but you get the idea)
-cmon brad :c why are you so mean to him :c
-SHUT UP OMG SHUT UP
-all of this just backs up the SA interpretation and although it hurts my feelings....damn its just good writing. like not knowing what your own body can do and people taking advantage of that...makes me fucking sick (in a good and bad way i truly don't know how to explain it)
-BRAD LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AHHHHHH >:c WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM
-noooooooooooooooooooooo :c every time someone calls/vash calls himself a monster this user loses 5 years of their life :D
-wolfwood sir your projection will make me want to eat my own arm
-NIGHTOW IM JUST PROCESSING WHAT WW SAID YOU CANT THROW CUTE LITTLE FACES AT ME SIR PLS NOOOO
-"run away run away ">:b" i love him so much
chap 5:
-the chapters cant keep starting with flashbacks I'm gonna start WEEPING
-is geranium tea a thing? maybe vash would like geranium tea
-how dare you, my vash the stampede would never side with the cops, he's acab i know that in my heart
-THAT ONE PANEL MY BELOVED (the onle about looking without his eyes)
-hes so fucking done
-yey conflict time :3 boi oh boi
chap 6:
-oh the title placement on this one :3
-i dont think he will (or that he is) fine after all of this but sure
-such a loud chapter and vash is so quiet
-and again, there all judging, expecting to see what will vash do
-"what do you know about my pain" brb I'm gonna EAT SOME GLASS REAL QUICK
-...
-its like....its like why, why make me suffer like this. its not even heavy stuff its just that everything hurts. his impulse and desire to help everyone, his reason why, how others see him while he tries and sometimes win while other times fails. it all hurts in a weird way.
-...legato why are you inside a fridge (i kinda forgot lol)
WHAT A VOLUME i need to lay down
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* mona lisa saperstein vc * i’m so friggin excited right now , i could crap my pants ! hi y’all ya girl mae ( 21+ + she / her + est ) is here with her dramatic daughter carina ! she’s the broadway actress you didn’t ask for , yet here she fucking is ! i’m so excited to play her , i’ve never gotten to play her before + my muse is Inspired™ ! you can hit me up for plots here or on discord ! my discord is 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝖘𝖚𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘#4904 ( can u tell i love mona lisa + parks and recs ? cause i do ) hit that little heart button so i can annoy your cute ass , okie ? thankssssssss !!
new york’s very own 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 was spotted on broadway street in 𝒸𝒽𝓁𝑜𝑒́ 𝓈𝓊𝓈𝒶𝓃𝒶 𝒷𝑜𝑜𝓉𝓈 . your resemblance to 𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒛 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝟸𝟺ᵗʰ birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being 𝒽𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒾𝒸 , but also 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓉𝑒 . i guess being a 𝒍𝒆𝒐 explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝑔𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓉𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 , 𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓉𝓎 𝒷𝑜𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝓃𝓈𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑒 & 𝓉𝒶𝒸𝑜 𝓉𝓊𝑒𝓈𝒹𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝓊𝑒𝓈𝒹𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓈𝒹𝒶𝓎𝓈 . ( i was sexually assaulted when i was thirteen by my teacher ) + ( cisfemale + she / her )
𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 : pedophilia + sexual assault
𝒷𝒶𝓈𝒾𝒸𝓈
𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 : carina dulce jacinto
𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑠 : cari , rinny , cj , jace ( ha - say )
𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑖𝑟𝑡𝘩 + 𝑎𝑔𝑒 : august 12th , 1996 + 24
𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑠𝑖𝑔𝑛 : leo
𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 + 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑠 : cisgender female + she / her
𝑠𝑒𝑥𝑢𝑎𝑙 + 𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑐 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 : pansexual + panromantic
𝑒𝑡𝘩𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑡𝑦 : mexican
𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 : american
𝑚𝑜𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟 + 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟 : claudia jacinto + mateo trevino
𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑖𝑟𝑡𝘩 : phoenix , arizona
𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 : manhattan , new york
𝑜𝑐𝑐𝑢𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 : eurydice in hadestown on broadway
𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 / 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑝𝑜 : phillipa soo , taylor louderman , eva noblezada + anna kendrick
𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛 : english ( primary ) , spanish ( secondary ) , italian + french
𝑓𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 : passionate , eloquent , captivating , focused , observant , confident , intuitive + witty
𝑢𝑛𝑓𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 : historic , critical , indulgent , opinionated , mercurial , candid , pretentious + realistic
𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 : to win a tony for best performance by a leading actress in a musical
𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹
carina was born to a young single mother in phoenix , az
her father high tailed it out of the picture once he found out carina was on the way
carina’s mother had big dreams of becoming a hollywood actress , wanting to
carina’s mother was the one that pushed her daughter into acting , signing her up for local commercials + the likes until she gained some traction as a popular baby/toddler in commercials
after a few years of continuing on with commercials carina finally took a break when it was interfering with school , much to her mother’s dismay
but still carina had the acting bug + wanted to do community theater in her free time
when she wasn’t preparing for play , she’d make one up herself + act it out for her mother if she’d let her , if not she’d just rehearse by herself until she memorized all the lines she wrote
this continued into middle school , where she became “ that girl ” the theater girl
she didn’t mind the label , in fact she took advantage of it + became THE theater girl of her school
the english teacher that was also the theater teacher praised her for her work + they grew to have a very close relationship
he was a father figure that she never had
until he wasn’t
𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈
mr. guzman saw how alone carina was + while for a time he was an authority figure that helped her , he soon became so much more
it started with a ride home after theater practice , the young tween had called her mother to no avail , but she hadn’t picked up + home was a two mile walk . doable , but mr. guzman saw she was in need + offered her a ride
in the car it was really the first time that carina had been alone with mr. guzman in an enclosed space , if they were alone it was usually on the stage
the drive was pleasant , they made small talk + he asked her how eighth grade was going , she was in seventh when she had him as her teacher
when they finally pulled into her driveway she thanked him + started to get out but his hand grabbed a little above her knee + soon it was moving its way up her thigh
only 13 + dubbed as “ the theater girl ” by her peers she never had any romantic or sexual experience , so she froze unsure of what to do or say
that first night it ended with a soft pat on the thigh before she was able to run out the door
but soon the rides were a regular occurrence + his hand didn’t stop at her thigh
after months of this continuing on carina lost her love + passion for theater
𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈
she quit theater + became a recluse all the way up until junior year of high school
she again grew close to a teacher , this time a female teacher , her us government teacher that often brought up difficult subjects for the students to discuss
after hearing + reading about different hard topics , carina finally told mrs. reyes what had happened to her back in middle school
it was the first time that she had ever told anyone what had happened to her + though mrs. reyes pushed , carina didn’t report or tell anyone else
but with mrs. reyes by her side her senior year she got back into theater . falling back in love with the thing that held a lot of emotions for her
after graduation carina was all set to attend nyu with a double major in performing arts as well as film + media production
she moved to new york early , wanting to get a head start on moving in + earning some cash before classes started
while she was working as a barista she overheard director talking about auditions for an off broadway play + this grabbed carina’s attention
she quickly introduced herself + snagged an audition , she landed a feature role
this was the beginning of her broadway career at the mere age of 17 , something she had always dreamed of
her role in the off broadway play took her into the middle of october + in september she was already auditioning for roles in a broadway play while she attended nyu
she soon gained traction , directors were discussing her performances , even minor roles , on broadway
carina still continued to take classes at nyu but her focus had shifted from getting a degree to landing a leading role on broadway
when she was nineteen her dreams came true , she got the lead role as eliza in hamilton
from that role she sky rocketed to fame , she performed for the president , beyonce , oprah , kristin chenoweth , meryl streep + many more
carina was barely able to handle how fast her fame came , she still thought of herself as the small town girl from a working class home with a young single mom
because of how much attention hamilton was receiving , carina had to take a step back from school
she took a leave of absence , vowing that she would be back + while she’s taken some classes here + there she still hasn’t gone back fully due to her continued success on broadway
from 2016 - 2017 she was cast as sonya rostova in natasha , pierre + the great comet of 1812
in 2018 carina became regina george in mean girls
and in 2019 she claimed the role of eurydice in hadestown
new york , specifically the upper west side , has become carina’s home
𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓃𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈
( 𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒊𝒆 ) once the two met they were inseparable . without siblings carina thinks of them as her own family . she’ll do anything for them + hopefully vice versa !
( 𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆 ) the person carina moved in with when she started out in new york . they could still be close or they could not talk at all .
( 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒖𝒑𝒕𝒐𝒓 ) they see carina + they see gullible , gullible , gullible . they’ll do anything to manipulate carina to get something for themselves .
( 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒔 ) anyone that carina has worked with on broadway .
( 𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓 ) someone that carina has worked closely with to ensure an honest + authentic performance .
#╰ ˚ ⋆ ◜ 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝒹 . 𝒋𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 ╱ 𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒶𝓁𝑜𝑔 𝒶𝓈 › munings . ◞#wealthyhq:intro#this is kinda late but i've been working on resources soooo...#i'm gonna stick to that excuse ;)
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Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸
I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.
1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through.
2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents.
3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough.
4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality.
5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film.
6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association.
7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.
8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene.
9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.
10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.
11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.
12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.
13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.
14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.
15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.
16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.
17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.
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How Far I'll Go Chapter Six (Ninex) - Mia Ugly, Meggie
A/N: We’re baaaaack! Hi hello how are you? LIFE is crazy. We’re so sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys, but honestly, Snatch Game was probably the hardest thing we’ve written. It’s hard to be funny. I’m going to be way nicer to queens who do badly on Snatch Game from here on out because it’s not easy, mama. Anyway. We hope you enjoy this SUPER MEGA SIZED CHAPTER (10.5k!) to make up for the super long hiatus. And hopefully we’ll be back with more very soon. Come visit us on our blogs: @mia-ugly and @artificialmeggie
Previously: The runway was purple, but Blair’s Scarlett O'Hara realness wasn’t enough to save a poor performance and she was sent packing. Brooke and Vanjie are (most definitely) probably still messing around, and Nina and Monet had a moment backstage when Nina narrowly avoided elimination. Or was it a moment? Oh, and Nina’s probably losing his mind.
To come: Katya, Snatch Game, a hotel bar date, and a musical number.
Nina wakes up and is still on Drag Race.
He might be having some kind of a nervous breakdown (and breaking into song periodically) but that’s showbiz, kid.
And now it’s time for the fucking Snatch Game.
Shower, shave, dress.
Prepare for another sloppy Branjie moment in the elevator (and thank God, Nina gets to avoid that for a change). Nina Bo’nina is riding down alone, and the two of them chat distractedly on their way to the conference room.
A few of the mentors are there, but no Monét and no Trixie.
Nina tries not to let that bother him as he nibbles his toast and drinks his coffee. He’s focused this morning, ready for whatever happens next. He’s been thinking about Snatch Game since the moment he got the All Stars call, is determined that this is going to be his challenge (of course, he might have had that thought about the last challenge too… No, nope, move the hell on, girl.)
Nina doesn’t see Brooke until they film the Werk Room entrance. The man looks exhausted. There are circles under his eyes that the makeup guy has done his best to cover, but it’s still obvious Brooke is not at his best. It makes Nina remember that - no matter how stupid the Canadian is being about Vanjie (and no matter what sort of history he has with Nina’s equally stupid heart), Nina still loves him. Will probably always love him in some kind of way.
“No coffee this morning?” he asks quietly as they’re waiting to get mic’d.
“Not enough.” Brooke pulls down his hideous knitted beanie (where the hell does he keep getting those? A P.A. should - frankly - take them away.)
“Have a late night?” Nina doesn’t really want to know, but if Brooke needs to talk about it -
“Oh no. No. Just - thinking.” He rolls his neck. “Like - we know what’s coming up, right? And last season - it wasn’t my best look.”
Nina barks out a an embarrassingly loud laugh. “No kidding.”
“You didn’t have to find it that funny.”
“It’s pretty funny.”
“You’re a dick, you know that? No matter how sweet Monét thinks you are.”
This makes Nina stop laughing. “Sorry - what?”
“He was just going on about you when he was watching Asia film our scene last episode. Like - ‘try this, Nina does this, blah blah.’”
Nina doesn’t know what to think about that. It makes him feel a bit warm and light-headed, but absolutely incapable of responding.
“Clearly you’ve got her fooled. I know what you’re really like.”
“Haha, yeah.” Nina’s voice is weak and he hopes to God Brooke doesn’t immediately clock his blush. Luckily, Vanjie chooses that moment to start flirting with the sound guy, and Brooke’s attention is suddenly elsewhere. Yes, yes, that’s good. Nina will have to keep Vanjie close by at all times, just in case he needs to distract Brooke.
They all romp into the Werk Room together, Shea and Asia working their few seconds in the doorway for all it’s worth (“pose for me, pose for me, POSE”). They talk a bit about Blair going home, but before they can say much about it there’s the sound of a video message, and the television flickers to life.
“Ladies,” Ru’s face comes onto the screen. “I picked you queens for All Stars because you represent the best of the best. But on second thought… I think I’d like to see some other queens in your place. Sorry, not sorry.”
The video ends.
“What the hell does that mean?” Shea asks.
“Nah, nah.” Vanjie is shaking his head in denial. “We don’t need no more hos up in here. We got too many of y’all already.”
“Hello, hello, hello!” The door opens and Ru comes into the Werk Room, followed by the mentors. Nina tries to smile and look as excited to see Ru as he’s always supposed to be, but - he can’t help being worried about whatever the hell twist is coming up. (Monét winks at him as he comes in, so that’s something. Nina will keep that one brief moment like a diamond in his pocket.)
“Ladies, for this week’s maxi challenge, it’s time for another All Star Edition of Snatch Game!”
Most of the queens around Nina are delighted - except Brooke. Nina can see him smiling, but it’s fragile and fake, and his arms are folded very tightly around himself, legs crossed at the thigh even though he’s standing; a clear indication he’s stressing.
“This time, however, to celebrate my recent single ‘Queens Everywhere’— available now on iTunes—we’re going to do things a little bit differently. I know you’re all amazing queens, but for this Snatch Game, I’d like to see if you have any other queens inside you.” Ru raises a suggestive eyebrow. “Not to give Miss Vanjie an unfair advantage.”
Vanjie’s jaw drops even as he laughs, mutters “shade” through his perfect teeth.
“For this Snatch Game, I’m asking you to channel one of your sisters. We’ve had a lot of iconic queens on this series, so you’ll have plenty of personalities to choose from. And luckily you’ve got some experts here for inspiration. Hashtag Snatch Game All Stars. Gentleman, start your engines. And may the best All Star… win!”
“The fuck?” Vanjie whispers to Nina as soon as Ru leaves. “Bitch, I had a damn plan. I brought the little gold trophies and everything. Watched all the fucking movies. Now I got to be one of y’all’s tired asses? That ain’t fair.”
“Trophies, like - you mean Oscars?”
“Sure, whatever.”
Nina has to admit that he’s kinda thrilled about this twist. He’d been telling anyone who will listen who he was going to be for the Snatch Game if he ever got another chance. He’d had a couple back-ups, of course (they’d all been told to bring a former queen, so honestly, they should have seen this coming from a mile away), but this really couldn’t have gone better for him.
He feels bad for some of the other queens though, especially Vanessa (the bitch was prepped to do Meryl Streep - Brooke’s idea, and a fucking hilarious one. He’d kill to see it).
“X-Queens assemble,” Monét calls over at him, and Nina pats Vanjie on the shoulder, goes off to sit with Monét and Asia.
Monét looks good. Real good. He’s in some loud patterned sweatshirt that has tiny slices of pizza all over it, and another pair of thick-rimmed glasses (white, or maybe baby pink?), and he’s smiling at Nina like - no, nope. Move along.
“It’s actually the Avengers that assemble,” Asia tells Monét, who rolls his eyes at her.
“Girl, you can’t be a bigger nerd than me. I won’t accept it.”
“Yeah, ‘cause knowing about the Avengers is real obscure, serious fan-only shit.”
“The shade, Miss Asia! Nina West, are you going to defend your mentor?”
Nina holds his hands up. “You’re the fearless leader, you got this.”
“The pair of you.” Monét shakes his head. “All right, what you got for Snatch Game?”
“I’ma be Brown Cow Stun-ning, yes, honey.” Asia pops her tongue after a pretty admirable impression of Monique Heart.
“And Miss Nina West?” Monét is looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Nina wonders if he’s heard the interviews, if he already knows.
“Miss Vaaaanjie,” Nina says, “Bitch, you know I don’t play games. Don’t play Monopology, Uno, Twistah, Tag, Marbles -”
“Jesus Christ, stop it.” Monét is covering his face with his hands, while Asia is cackling. “Does she know?”
“Not yet.”
“She will live. Okay, okay, I ain’t worried about either of you. Take me straight to the finale, win me that serious mentor coin.”
They run through a couple ideas for jokes, focusing more on Asia (who struggled last time and still has a bit of anxiety flaring behind her contacts). There’s a break for lunch, but it’s weirdly quiet, subdued. Snatch Game is an opportunity to stand out, to prove you deserve to be there. It’s also an opportunity to crash and burn in front of Ru, the judges, and later on - the world. So there’s that.
After lunch everyone starts putting on their paint, fixing their wigs. The cameras zoom in to get some Werk Room chatter about who is playing who, and of course they’re all dying for Vanessa’s reaction (as soon as he sees Nina pull out his pink-petalled Barbie-head dress from its garment bag, the pussycat’s out of the Prada bag).
“Noooo, bitch,” Vanjie shouts across the room, but he’s smiling. “Oh, I’mma have to whup your ass if that’s what I think it is.”
“Deuces!” Nina shouts back at him, throwing up the sign as well, while Brooke covers his face.
“That ain’t right, it ain’t right. Thought we was friends, sis.” Vanjie is laughing about it, though; Nina knows they’re cool.
“Who are you playing, Miss Shea Coulée?” Asia calls over to her sister, who is fussing with a nasty looking green wig.
“Paaaarty…” Shea drags out the word, working that vocal fry for all she’s worth. “I’m going to be Adore Delano, darling.”
Nina Bo’nina Brown thinks this is the funniest thing she’s ever heard, can’t speak for laughing so hard. Shea seems entertained by it at first, but her smile starts to tighten a little after the laughter continues a bit too long.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just - good luck, girl.”
“Who are you doing then?”
“Yeah,” Cracker interjects. “You were Jasmine Masters for your season’s Snatch Game right? The judges loved it.”
“Right. So why mess with perfection? I’m going to do Miss Jasmine Masters.”
A couple of the girls stop what they’re doing when she says this.
“You’re going to play the same queen?” Cracker repeats, a bit shocked.
“Yeah. I was sickening last time, I’ll be sickening this time.”
“Aren’t you worried that they’ll read you for not showing them what else you can do?”
“Nah. They’re gonna be laughing too hard.”
“Mmmm…” Vanjie makes a low, skeptical noise.
“Trust and believe, Vanjie,” Nina B. calls over to her. “Trust and believe.”
The cameras have to reset then to film Ru’s entrance into the Werk Room, and catch all the queens’ “surprised” reactions.
“Hello hello hello, kitty girls!”
Nina beams, claps his hands, that whole production. He’s feeling pretty good though - the energy is real. He’s actually excited for this challenge, ready to show Ru what he can do. (That’s how he felt last year too, then Silky went and yanked the win right out from under him. But no time to dwell on that now.)
“How are my All Stars? I thought I’d take a little look-see at what you were planning for us. And I brought along one of our extra special guest judges to help me out.”
From behind Ru, Katya Zamolodchikova comes in waving and smiling, teeth glowing white against her red lipstick.
“Oh my god! Get your own thing!” Trixie yells from across the room, and Katya does that ridiculous/adorable silent laugh that Nina has seen on “UNHhhh” too many times to count.
“Thanks for coming, Katya!” Ru says cheerfully.
“No problem, Ru. Thanks for unlocking the attic door!”
“Well, it was a special occasion. And I was feeling generous.”
They go from station to station, cameras following them around silently, and Nina fusses a bit with his dress while eavesdropping on their conversations with the other queens. There is a bit of concern for Brooke, who’s playing Detox (no big surprise there). How is Brooke going to make Detox funny seems to be the main issue. Nina has the same question. Brooke seems more confident than last season, though, so Ru and Katya wish him luck.
There’s some controversy over Nina Bo’nina playing Jasmine again, but the girl won’t be convinced to try something else. Nina listens to some of the critiques, ignores some of the others. He’s interested, but he also knows he needs to focus on his own performance, and not get in his head. He’s not as bad as Brooke at over-thinking things, but no one goes into goddamn musical theatre who isn’t at least a little bit destroyed (psychologically speaking. Okay, maybe also a bit romantically. It’s fine).
“Nina West!” Ru says close to Nina’s ear, and he almost jumps a foot in the air. (Girl, Katya is standing four feet away from you, be cool, be cool.)
“Hello, hello, hello Christine,” he says, immediately launching into his Vanjie impression. Both Ru and Katya laugh - and Katya’s smile up close is completely unfair, like a smile cut out of paper, perfect and sharp-edged.
(“I don’t know her!” Vanjie shouts from across the room.)
“So who are you going to be?” Katya asks, completely straight-faced, as soon as she and Ru have stopped laughing.
“I don’t know, still making up my mind,” Nina says, back in his normal voice.
“And the uh -” Ru gestures to the hideous floral Barbie dress, “gown?”
“Do you like it? One of my best gowns. What’s funny?”
Katya is wheeze-laughing. Katya is wheeze-laughing because of something Nina said! He stores that one next to the Monét gem from earlier; hopes to have enough for his own tiara in the unthinkable event that he doesn’t win.
“Now on Season 11’s Snatch Game, you were hilarious, you played -”
“Harvey Fierstein and Jo Anne Worley-”
“Yes! And really, it might have been one of the strongest performances in Snatch Game herstory.”
Nina smiles gratefully (only slightly furious that Ru’s saying this despite the fact that Nina didn’t win. He deserved to win).
“So how can you possibly outdo yourself this time?”
“I’m not trying to outdo myself, I’m trying to do something different. Like Katya, when you played Björk -”
“Yes, yes, back to me,” Katya says, nodding.
“Completely different from Suze Orman, but still so funny. That’s what I’m going to do. Just - mix it up.”
“All right, Nina, good luck. Can’t wait to see it,” Ru says, moving on.
It’s fine. It’ll be fine.
As soon as Ru and Katya leave the Werk Room it’s a mad dash to get dressed and made up and before Nina knows it, before he can light a bunch of candles on an altar and find whatever religion will bring him the most luck, they’re all being rounded up and led into the studio for the Snatch Game.
Okay.
Okay.
Brooke’s Detox look is iconic, the yellow and black striped bandage dress from the Season 5 premiere (probably borrowed from Detox herself) hugs his perfectly padded body, but he’s absolutely trembling as he walks beside Nina. Nina has to squeeze his shoulder, tell him it’ll be fine.
“It’s fun, Brooke. Just have fun with it,” he murmurs as he hits the bright studio lights, has to blink until his vision adjusts (the first thing he sees is Monét and Nina’s blinded by him).
Okay.
The mentors are sitting along the sidelines, ready to watch the show play out. Nina wasn’t expecting that, but it’s - fine. Monét smiles at him, and Nina’s going to use that smile as a good luck charm - a rabbit’s foot, a four leaf clover, whatever. It’s impossible not to feel lucky when someone who looks like Monét goddamn X Change smiles at you like that.
“Welcome to the first All Stars ‘Queens Everywhere’ Snatch Game!” Ru says after they’re all mic’d and seated, upbeat music playing behind him. “Let’s meet our contestants.”
Katya beams from where she’s sitting behind her glittery podium and microphone.
“It’s everyone’s favorite queen that we found digging in the dumpster outside - Katya!”
“And yet I’m still hungry!”
Katya smiles at Ru and then snaps her teeth at the other queens.
“And - just when you thought we’d finally seen the last of her - halleloo! It’s Shangela!”
Shangela raises one hand in the air, nodding seriously. “That’s right, I’m back again, bitches. And I ain’t even in a box this time, baby.”
“Ladies, are you ready to meet the queens?”
“Yaaaaaaaaaas,” they answer in tandem.
They reset so that Ru can film the introductions, and Nina’s heart starts rattling like bones in a bag. He’s buzzing with adrenaline and nerves, but he’s going to channel that into a goddamn win. That’s right, he tells his inner saboteur - you can fuck off. This challenge is mine.
“The heart of Season 10 - Monique Heart is here!” Ru starts with Asia, whose Monique look is extremely correct.
“Hello world! Hello America! Are you brown cow stunning?” She tosses Ru a ridiculous cow-patterned baseball cap. Ru briefly feigns excitement before throwing it over his shoulder in distaste.
“Burn that,” he murmurs to one of the camera crew. “Next up, we have the original party-queen - Adore Delano!”
Shea Coulee stretches her arms in the air before making a peace sign, growling “Party,” in a gravelly voice.
“How are you doing Adore?”
“I mean, I’m good, you know? Like. Excited to be back. Where am I again?”
Nina has to turn his mouth into his shoulder to stifle the laugh that bubbles to his throat immediately. He wasn’t sold on it when they were discussing it in the Werk Room, but Shea is killing it as Adore. Her voice, her delivery is hilarious. The makeup is flawless. Her perpetual open mouth is complete perfection. As always, Shea Coulee is slaying the competition. Nina’s stomach gives a nervous jolt, so he sucks in a deep breath and reminds himself to pay attention.
He realizes he’s missed Ivy’s introduction, but Katya is gagged at the illusion of, well - Her - that Ivy is turning today. A mid-length honey blonde wig barely brushes Ivy’s shoulders and her red bustier is covered in rhinestones (and, of course, the scythe and hammer.) The look is great. The accent, on the other hand… Nina sighs a little, but tries not to get comfortable, regardless of how terrible Ivy’s Russian accent is.
Vanjie is seated at the end of the top row, decked out in red lace, a large pair of dark sunglasses balanced precariously on her nose. There’s no denying the air about her: Miss Vanjie is living Miss Valentina’s French vanilla fantasy, and no one could doubt it.
Ru beams at him. “Valentina! How wonderful to see you again!”
Vanjie draws in a deep breath. “That’s right, Ru, it’s me - Valentina. I’m back, and this time, I just want you to know, I fully learned all the words to ‘Greedy.’”
“Excellent! You want to sing us a verse right now?”
“No,” Vanjie answers, extremely primly, and even in his gravelly voice, the delivery is enough to make Ru laugh.
“Maybe next time.”
“Probably not.”
Then Ru’s looking at Nina and - oh, god, why did he think coming back for All Stars was a good idea again?
“Miss Vaaaaaanjie is here!” Ru trills.
Nina sucks in a deep breath and - “What’s the grease, mama?”
Down the row, Brooke buries his face in his hands, but his shoulders bounce with laughter. Ru is giggling loudly. Even Katya and Shangela are agape at the spot-on impression like it’s the first time he’s done it, the first time they’ve heard it.
He lets himself relax a little.
“Three seasons in a row.” Ru consults his cue cards. “Girl, aren’t you tired of competing yet?”
“Mmhmm.” Nina shakes his head vehemently, the wig he pilfered from Vanjie weeks ago flying around his shoulders. (He really does owe Brooke one for that.) “Nah, girl, you know I’m still trying to get my own show. Like Vanjie of Love or some shit like that. You know, something where these triflin’ hos gotta pay me some damn attention.”
In his periphery, Nina catches Brooke cut his eyes to him. He hopes this is okay. They haven’t really discussed the Branjie territory in regards to his jokes, but he kind of assumed it was fair game. Besides, he isn’t planning on directly hurting anyone’s feelings. He’ll keep it light, keep it fun. Besides, they’re the ones who marketed their portmanteau and gave the profits to charity. It’s practically public domain at this point.
“Next up we’ve got - oh my goodness, it’s Jasmine Masters!”
Nina Bo’nina gives Ru an extremely “over it” look. “Yeah, and I got something to say.”
“Now Jasmine - no tea, no shade, but haven’t you been on Snatch Game before?”
There’s a bit of an awkward pause before Nina Bo’nina waves him away.
“Bitch, I’ve got something more to say.”
Ru chuckles a bit, “I bet you do,” and moves on to Brooke.
“Another former All Star contestant, welcome Detox!”
Brooke looks sullen and concerned. He gives a little nod at Ru and the contestants.
“Detox, what’s the matter? You don’t look happy to be here.”
“Oh, am I not smiling?” Brooke asks through his extremely full, painted-on lips. “I can’t feel anything above my neck.” He shapes his mouth into a grotesque smile using his hands, and Ru almost doubles over. Okay, okay. Nina feels a little less worried about Brooke.
“And last but not least, we have - um, Aquaria! Hey girl!”
“Hi Ru!”
“Aquaria, is that the new way you’re spelling your name?” Cracker has written Acwareea on her name-card. A couple letters are backwards.
“Huh?” Cracker looks down at the name card. “Oh, I can’t spell my name. Actually, I can’t spell anything.”
“Okay then.”
“You know, some girls chose to read books, I chose to turn looks.”
“Yeah, you did! Now let’s get ready to play the Snatch Game!”
They break for a few adjustments on the cameras and microphones, and Nina tries not to hyperventilate, and then fuck - they’re rolling again.
“Here we go. The first question is for Katya. Katya, All Stars Season 1 paved the way, and brought back some of the most celebrated queens of all time to compete. This time, instead of competing in pairs, the queens are competing in BLANK.”
Be funny, be funny, be fucking funny. Nina tries to think like Vanjie and writes down an answer as soon as he’s got one, hoping it will be good enough.
“Okay, pens down. Katya?”
“I said competing in traction.”
“In - traction?”
“Yeah, you know, when all the bones in your body are broken and you’re in the hospital bed with your leg in the air.”
“That would certainly be a different kind of competition.”
“I’d watch it,” Katya says seriously, and Ru laughs.
“Let’s go to the Queens and see if we have any matches. Miss Valentina. What did you write down?”
Vanjie has put a lace mask on over the bottom of her face. She mumbles something indecipherable.
“What was that?” Ru asks. Vanjie mumbles something again.
“Valentina,” Ru says, clearly picking up on the joke. “Take that thing off your face.”
“I’d like to keep it on please.”
Ru shakes his head slowly, and at last Vanjie removes her mask.
“Now, Valentina. What did you write?”
Vanjie flips her card over, and Ru starts to wheeze with laughter. “That’s what I wrote down. I’d like to keep it on please.“
Vanjie’s Valentina voice is slipping, but she’s hella charming anyway, as always.
“I’m sorry, my dear, but that is not a match. Moving on to Aquaria - oh! You’ve got a new outfit.”
Miz Cracker was scrambling to put on a new wig and geometric headpiece made of iPhones while Ru was speaking to the contestants. She looks great, and she’s killing Aquaria’s affected head wobble.
“This season the queens are competing in BLANK.”
Cracker flips her card to reveal Aquaria’s instagram URL. “I wasn’t born when All Stars Season 1 aired, so I just wrote this.”
“Oh, okay - not a match.”
“I’m young,” Cracker insists, and Ru nods, patiently.
“We all were once. What did Miss Vaaaaanjie have to say?”
“I said we’d have to compete in swimsuits,” Nina says, flipping over his card.
“Swimsuits?”
“Yeah. Cause maybe then Michelle won’t read my ass for filth every damn week.”
Ru gapes at him, like he can’t believe he just came for Michelle in Snatch Game.
“Swimsuits be glamor when everybody else is doing them too, bitch!” Nina pops his tongue.
Ru laughs, high and clear, and then turns to the other Nina. “What about you, Jasmine? What do you have to say?”
Nina Bo’nina slaps her hands on the table and purses her lips. “We gonna be competing in making viral videos to get Justin Bieber’s attention, Ru.”
The room — pauses while Ru tries to save face with a polite chuckle. Nina West can practically hear the shade rattle sound effect that will inevitably be edited in at this exact moment.
Jasmine Masters probably wasn’t Nina Bo’nina’s best option (anyone could have told her that and, good god girl, they really tried). It’s not working. Nina doesn’t think any of it’s working.
Ru clears his throat, shakes his head. “I’m certain you could teach them a thing or two about that, but unfortunately, it’s not a match.”
Nina Bo’nina shrugs.
Ru shuffles his cue cards and moves on. “This next question is for Shangela. In All Stars Season 2, we changed things up by letting the queens choose who would be eliminated. This season, as well as eliminating each other, the queens will have to BLANK each other.”
There’s the scribbling of markers from the queens around Nina (who like to think he’s got this answer down blind.)
“Okay, pens down. Shangela? This season, the queens will also have to…”
“I knew what y’all were looking for, because y’all are nasty…” Shangela turns her card around. “But I’m a lady, so I said they’d have to ‘tuck’ each other.”
“Tuck each other!”
“Sometimes a girl needs a helping hand, mama.”
“Ain’t that the truth. Let’s see if we have any matches! Katya, what did you say?”
Ivy looks a bit startled to be called on first, but she beams with her red lips, flips her card over. “I said eat each other. To consume each other’s power and fill the gaping void that lives -” She pats her chest. “Right here.”
Katya (the real Katya) shrieks, but Ru shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, that’s not a match.”
“Da,” Ivy says solemnly, in her terrible Russian accent. “Da. It never is match. Like me and Trixie. Match but… No match.”
And, okay, Nina might imagine it, but it seems like the studio goes eerily quiet as everyone waits for Trixie’s reaction. She’s smiling, but it looks forced. Katya clears her throat but laughs, which seems to dispel the weird tension that formed.
Ru, oblivious to the entire thing, moves on. “Miss Vaaaanjie, what did you say?”
Nina sighs and flips his card, feeling pretty pleased with himself. “I said date each other. You know, I still be lookin’ for that Notebook shit.”
“Oh yeah, we know. No more Post-Its, right?”
“No more Post-Its, never again. I ain’t got the time, Mary!” He glances over at Brooke, raises his eyebrows seductively. “Hey, how you doin’?” Behind him, the real Vanjie mumbles something under his breath.
“I’m sorry, my dear, that’s not a match.”
“Bitch, it might be!” Nina says, still looking at Brooke, and Ru bends over laughing, stomping his foot into the ground. It’s adrenaline, it’s power, it’s like Nina knows this challenge is his.
“You ain’t even know!” he continues, channeling angry Vanessa as much as possible. “Just ‘cause one tall blonde bitch did me wrong don’t mean they all will. Shit.” Nina crosses his arms over his chest, leans back in his chair, sees Brooke duck his head and blink rapidly a few times.
That might have been too much. He just got caught in the moment and… Fuck. Dial it back a little, but stay focused.
“Moving on to Aquaria,” Ru says. Aquaria, this season the queens will have to BLANK each other.”
“I said ‘copy each other,” Cracker says tightly, in Aquaria’s low voice. “And it’s too bad Miz Cracker isn’t here. Maybe then she would have won something.”
“Oho!” Ru laughs, a bit scandalized. “Not a match, my dear.”
Cracker shrugs and throws the card over her shoulder. “Someone save that so I can call and ask Cracker if she wants more of my sloppy seconds.”
“Adore Delanoooo!” Ru trills the last syllable as he turns to Shea, who tosses the long green waves over her shoulder.
She flashes Ru one of Adore’s signature winking, mouth-open, tongue-out smiles with a peace sign.
“What did you write down, darling?”
“I said ‘party with each other,’” Shea drawls in Adore’s affected tone, adding more fry than is entirely necessary, but it gets the point across. She’s goofy and perfect.
“Party with each other,” Ru repeats.
“Yeah! I mean, you guys all look super cool. I’d hang out with you, smoke a blunt, eat some pizza. You know, party!”
Ru tsks. “Sounds like a great Tuesday night, but unfortunately not a match.” He turns to face the contestants, where Katya is sitting with her hands folded primly on her stack of cards. “Back to Katya! In All Stars Season 3, BenDeLaCreme shocked the judges by sending herself home. This season, Michelle Visage will shock everyone by BLANKING herself.”
Katya takes a minute to ponder, pressing her index finger to her lips then writes something on her card. Nina and the other queens follow suit, and when their time is up, Katya is smiling ferociously.
“Let’s see what our contestant put down. Katya?” Ru faces her. “Michelle Visage will shock everyone by doing what?”
Katya clears her throat. “I could have gone the obvious route, you know.”
“Obviously,” Ru says.
“Instead, I said, ‘sacrificing herself.’”
“Sacrificing herself?”
“With fire. To the Gods, honey.”
“Okay… Any particular God?”
“…Satan.”
“Of course. Let’s go to our queens. Detox, this season Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”
Brooke flips his card over. “I said motorboating herself. I mean, if anyone could do it -”
“I don’t know how shocking that would be… but either way, I’m sorry, not a match. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo! What did you say, my dear?”
Nina flips over his card. “I said cloning herself.”
“Cloning herself?”
“Mmm-hmm. Need two of her to manage your ass.”
Ru laughs, and Nina thanks every God he knows the name of. The burn landed!
“And now she got that done, she’s gonna clone me some Canadian bacon.”
“Is that right?”
“Hell yeah it is.” Nina does not look at Brooke or Vanjie. “But only the good parts, baby. Trim all the fat; I’m a growing girl, need more protein in my diet.”
“Bitch, you couldn’t handle that much protein,” Vanjie-as-Valentina cuts in, and Ru fans himself.
“A controversial question! Let’s go to Monique Heart, see what she said. Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”
“I said believing in herself.” Asia-as-Monique-turns her face to the camera. “Like I believe in myself, America. And that’s why I’d like to take this moment to announce my run for office.”
“Which office is that?”
“Whichever.” Asia’s got Monique’s flighty passion down perfectly. “One of the big ones, you know. And thank you, America, for your trust. I won’t let you down.”
Ru reads the last question of the night. “In All Stars Season 4, history was made when we celebrated the first Drag Race double crowning. This season, we’ll be making history with a double BLANK.”
Shangela is already shaking her head knowingly. There’s a scrabble of writing from the queens.
“Ladies, pens down. Shangela?”
“I’m giving the people what they want, Ru. I ain’t proud. I had to say a double fisting.”
“Did you really have to say it though?”
“Actually, mama, I did. The PAs have my children.”
“Ha! All right ladies, let’s see if we have any matches. Adore Delano. This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”
Shea holds up her card proudly. “I said the first double… elimination.”
Ru is quiet for a moment. “That’s actually been done before.”
“It has?”
“A couple of times, actually.”
“Oh.” Shea is unfazed. “Well. I don’t watch the show.”
Ru wheeze laughs, and so does Nina.
“I mean, I don’t know who any of you people are.”
“Sorry, Adore. Not a match.”
Shea shrugs, flashes a peace sign.
“What about you Katya?” Ru moves over to Ivy.
“Well, I thought about what Trixie and I like to do behind the scenes of ‘UNHhhh’ and I just had to put - fisting!” She flips her card.
“It’s a match!” Ru exclaims.
Everyone is laughing, but Nina can’t help check out the subjects of Ivy’s joke. The real Katya Zamo is smiling but - her teeth look clenched. And over with the mentors, Trixie Mattel is not smiling at all. She’s staring at her hands in her lap, systematically picking at the baby pink polish that adorns her fingernails. Hopefully none of the cameras pick up on that.
“I’ll see you later tonight!” Ivy continues, pointing at Trixie. There’s a halfway amused smile on Trixie’s face right away, but Nina feels like he was punched in the stomach. Something’s going on between the two of them, clearly. It hurts to watch - not like watching Vanjie and Brooke hurts (that’s more like watching two attractive bricks smash together). But Trixie and Katya - there’s so much history there. So much darkness. And God knows enough people have been convinced they’re in love -
“Monique Heart, what did you put down? This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”
“I said the first double crowning, dahling.”
“I’m sorry Monique, we already did that as well.”
“I know y’all did it, but I feel like it didn’t really count because my ass wasn’t wearing one of those crowns. It should have been me, and that’s a fact, America. And facts are - what? Facts.”
Ru laughs for a moment before turning to Nina. “What about Miss Vaaaanjie?”
“I said the first double wedding. And before y’all even ask: I do.” Nina glances over at Brooke, hoping he isn’t hitting this note a bit too hard.
“You do? Who’s the other happy couple?”
Ivy interrupts before Nina can answer. “Trixie! I’ve been meaning to ask you!”
“Oh honey,” Trixie calls out, looking flushed and uncomfortable. “I know I said I’d give more to charity this year, honey, but my generosity has limits.”
Behind her podium, Katya’s face is absolutely expressionless.
“Well, queens, we’re out of time,” Ru announces. “Which means the winner is… Xanax! Talk to your pharmacist. See you next time on the Snatch Game!”
Nina throws ‘deuces’ at the cameras as they get some closing B-roll, keeping up his Vanjie-persona until the very end. As soon as the director yells “cut!” Nina lets out the breath he’s been holding for the past two hours. God, it went by fast, but now he’s feeling every second of it. His muscles ache like he ran a marathon this morning and then tried kick-boxing for the first time.
“Nice work, ladies,” P.A.’s are congratulating them as they leave the set, but Nina barely hears a word. He de-drags, does some of the talking head interviews he loves so much (has to look shady about Nina B.’s performance, and worried about Brooke. Nina doesn’t put on an act or anything - he is kinda worried about Brooke. Brooke did ‘okay’ - better than Celine for sure - but didn’t stand out the way some of the other queens did. And if Brooke goes home tomorrow night - fuck. Nina doesn’t quite know how he feels about that).
Brooke was also kind of weird as they took off their paint in the Werk Room. Nina thought at first that he was in his head about the Snatch Game, but now he’s starting to wonder if his answers as Vanjie might have fucked Brooke up a bit. He hasn’t had a chance to address it, but he’s going to have to tomorrow, just to make sure they’re cool. He thinks it will be okay. He’s pretty sure. Basically. Almost positive.
Nina might be working through some latent confidence issues as he pushes himself for four miles on the elliptical later that night in the hotel (work through the pain, he reminds himself), but it’s fine really. Nothing to see here. Move along.
His legs ache and his face drips sweat, but he feels—good, actually. Solid about his performance. (He did last year, too, but he’s trying not to think about that.)
Dolly is singing about ways to make a living in his ears. He’s not assuming - but he is preparing. Just in case. If he has to lipsync for his legacy, he wants to be ready. Wants to win this one more than any other challenge, and call him crazy, but he feels like there’s a real chance. He can’t pinpoint why exactly, but there’s some kind of feeling settling down into his bones, making him think that maybe maybe maybe—
Underneath that, something uncomfortable has wormed its way into his psyche. It has almost nothing to do with the actual competition. It’s stupid and predictable and oh-so-not what he should be concerned with while on the set of All Stars for Christ’s sake. But he is and he’s here and he’s feeling things, and Nina taught himself a long time ago that feeling things fully for a while and then letting them go is far more beneficial to his mental health than taking the Brooke route and bottling everything up and burying it under vodka cranberries and couch cushions.
So sure. Okay. He’s feeling some kind of way about this thing that he saw that he wasn’t even supposed to see and isn’t even any of his business, but that’s just Nina’s luck for you. So that’s what he focuses on (or tries not to) as he turns up the resistance and pushes through the last of his workout.
He’d risked a glance back at Monét right before the PAs had shoved them off the soundstage. He’s in the business of gem collecting now, savoring those moments, polishing them up for later use, and maybe he wanted a ruby tinted the exact shade of Monét’s lipstick as they’d smiled across the room at each other.
Instead, he’d seen Monét reaching out to Shangela, crimson lips puckered, arms outstretched, ready for the kiss Nina couldn’t make himself watch.
Maybe they had kissed, Nina didn’t know; he’d made himself turn away before he could inflict any more psychological damage on himself. (He’s choosing healthier options now, remember.)
Of course they hadn’t had a moment after the last runway. Why would he think that? When Monét could have anyone he wants, and Nina is practically an amorphous blob. Like. He knows drag queens are all touchy-cuddly most of the time, and he knows that there’s probably nothing going on between Monét and pretty, perfect, halleloo-ing Shangela. But there could be, right? And goddamn, that would actually make sense. As opposed to whatever madness was going on in Nina’s head last night.
He adds even more resistance to the elliptical - just for “fun.” Or maybe spite. And yeah, okay, one night of really solid work in the hotel gym isn’t going to turn him into Naomi Smalls with legs up to his asshole or anything, but it’s a start. And the sooner Nina can convince himself that he isn’t doing this for Monét (or anyone other than himself because he likes exercise, damn it), the better.
He’s a grown-ass adult. He recognizes delusion when he sees it in the mirror every morning. It’s time to face facts—he and Monét had one (wondrously) sensual, albeit (incredibly) drunken night months ago. Monét had left the ball in Nina’s court. Nina was too chickenshit to do anything about it. Now they’re tentative friends (Monét is his mentor after all), Nina might be going crazy (this whole bursting-into-song-but-not-really thing has gone too far), and it’s all just so messy.
Nina wipes his face, stretches, and heads out of the hotel gym. He probably looks like a sweaty disaster (okay, there’s no ‘probably’ about it) and he’s waiting for the elevator down to the floor with his room, when the doors “ding” open and he’s face to face with Monét.
Could be worse. Could be Branjie again.
“Get in loser, we’re going drinking!” Monét says, with a wide smile on his face.
He’s so fucking charming that Nina momentarily forgets that he himself is a hot damn mess. Literally, like hot. Dripping with sweat.
“Um.” He gets into the elevator anyway because - he’s gotta go somewhere. “Are we?”
“If you want.” Monét gets strangely shy as soon as the elevator doors close. Or maybe that’s just in Nina’s mind. “Was the Mean Girls reference too much? I feel like maybe it’s played out.”
Nina laughs out loud, awkwardness momentarily forgotten. Monét never seems anything but confident and composed, and that one moment of doubt is - surprisingly endearing.
Not that confident, composed Monét isn’t completely endearing as well. Like. It’s all good. It all works a little too well for Nina. Everything about Monét is working a little too well for Nina lately.
Shit, the elevator is moving, decision-making time is limited.
“I kinda look like - this?” Nina waves a hand at his damp self.
“Fine as hell, girl,” Monét says with a grin, “and no pressure, obviously. Though if I’m drinking alone at the hotel bar, it’s going to look a little sad. And, look, I can make sad work for me, that’s not a problem. But after the day I’ve had -”
“Oh, the day you’ve had. Yeah, I forgot how stressful it must have been. Competing on a reality show and all that.”
“Fuck off. Uh oh, we’re passing your floor -”
“How do you know which floor is mine?”
Monét blinks at him, briefly speechless, mouth agape. (It makes something spark like a firework in Nina’s chest, shoot colours across the night sky.) The moment passes and then Monét doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed, just smiles like a gorgeous monster as he taps his temple. “That’s classified mentor information.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell yeah. You don’t want to know about my top-secret dossier.”
“No, I - don’t.”
“You sure you don’t?” Monét winks at him, and the elevator dings as it reaches the ground floor. “Ah, shit, missed your stop. Better come do shots with me.”
“I mean, I could just press the button again.” Nina doesn’t know why he’s resisting, he wants to get tipsy with Monét more than he wants to do most things (aside from win All Stars and run for office someday maybe).
“Nah, girl, this elevator only goes down. One-way elevator. Sorry, should have told you.”
“Guess I’m out of options.”
“Guess so.”
They look at each other. Nina remembers the man that asked him up to his room the night of the finale. Nina remembers the taste of his mouth, the way Monét kept kissing him, like he couldn’t get enough. Nina -
- is clearly exhausted. And still delusional. But fuck it.
They go to the hotel bar (isn’t this how all the bad stories start?) and Monét buys them both a tequila sunrise and tells Nina way more than he should about Trixie Mattel.
“So her man and her are split. She’s feeling some kind of way about it.”
“Of course she is. Haven’t they been together for, like, ever?”
“Something like that. Fuck.” Monét drains his drink, motions for another round. “We’ve been talking about it, but I’m not - you know. I love her, she’s incredible, but - I’m not - her best friend.”
“You’re not Katya,” Nina says quietly, and Monét scrubs his hands over his face.
“Yeah. That.”
“So why isn’t she talking to Katya, then? You guys have your phones; Katya’s here now, for Christ’s sake.”
Monét shrugs. “Beats me.”
“Are they -” Nina doesn’t have any right to this information, but - he figures that Monét wants to talk about it. “Potentially… do you think -”
“Who the fuck knows? Honestly, when I said I’d come back to do this show, I did not think it would be like being in high school again. Like who is crushing on who, who is hooking up, it -” He darts a look over at Nina and then snaps his mouth shut. “I mean.”
Nina looks away. Finishes his second drink a bit too quickly. “You want another?”
“Okay,” Monét answers before Nina can even finish the sentence.
The bartender is particularly attentive, gets another round in front of them right away. He’s got a lot of smiles for them both, says, “This round’s on me, I’m a huge fan,” as he walks off to help another customer, and Nina - can’t help it, he’s a masochist - raises an eyebrow at Monét.
“Think you’ve got an admirer.”
“Yeah?” Monét rolls his eyes. “More like you do.”
“Should we turn this into an awful romantic comedy where we make a bet about who he likes more?”
Monét laughs like he’s shocked at himself. “Girl! Okay, but what happens at the end? Who wins?”
“Well, if we’re following the formula, we probably both realize that real love was right in front of - you know, I don’t know. You, you win.” Fuck fuck fuck, what the hell is Nina even saying? He watched too many Hallmark movies last Christmas. “That voice, that ass, right?” He tries to make it into a joke, even with Monét’s eyes all honeyed and serious on his face.
Monét purses those perfect lips, presses them into a semi-smile. “Just… didn’t want to assume nothing.”
They talk for another couple drinks, and it’s - shit, it’s easy. It’s never this easy with someone Nina likes. He knows he can be funny, knows he can bring out the charm (with the right amount of alcohol in his system) but usually if there are feelings involved it all goes to hell. Nina gets weird and in his head and laughs too loudly and spills his drink everywhere.
But with Monét - it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be this easy, especially with all the longing covering up the background like terrible flowered wallpaper. It shouldn’t be this easy for Nina to stop over-thinking things and just exist in the presence of this gorgeous person.
But it is. It is easy. That’s the worst part of it all.
Monét is laughing and grabbing for his arm (just like finale night in the other hotel bar) and there’s heat in Nina’s cheeks that isn’t just from the alcohol, and Monét’s lips are glistening and wet as he pulls the straw between them and sips every last bit of the cocktail into his mouth.
Nina swallows thickly, leans into the sound of Monét’s deep rumbling laugh, reaches for his knee when he starts to slip off the hotel barstool.
How many drinks are they in now? Four? Five? More? The room is spinning.
Nina is laughing. Light, airy. Not giggling exactly but laughing and his cheeks are burning and Monét is looking at him through narrowed eyes.
“Be careful, Nina West,” Monét says, and his voice is low and dangerous. “Be careful lookin’ at people like that. They might get… ideas.”
Nina’s breath hitches in his throat and he swallows hard. “Ideas?”
“I might get ideas.” Monét smiles crookedly; his eyes are half-closed and sleepy as he rests his chin on his hand and leans against the bar. “You never texted me.”
Nina’s so glad he’s drunk. So glad he missed his floor, even if it has led to this. Because this conversation, this thing has hung between them for the entirety of filming and it hasn’t been uncomfortable exactly (because they’re adults, thank you very much), but it hasn’t been wonderful either. And Nina more than anything wants to rewind back to May, go to lunch, talk about anything and everything and nothing with Monét until they fall back into hotel sheets and kiss and kiss and kiss until—
“Why didn’t you ever text me?”
Nina clears his throat. “I was… I… I wanted to.”
“But?” Monét’s eyes are wide and pleading now. Still glassy with the alcohol, but inquisitive, bright, waiting to see how Nina is going to explain himself.
Nina is too, to be honest.
So he shakes his head. “I don’t know. Honestly. I don’t have a good reason. I wanted to. I should have.”
Monét ducks his head, takes the paper straw from his drink and twirls it between his middle and ring finger. It sends tiny droplets of tequila sunrise all over the wooden bartop.
“I thought about that night a lot, Nina West,” Monét says quietly, wiping at the droplets with a damp beverage napkin. “I don’t do that. That’s not like me.”
“Me either,” Nina says.
Nina knows that if they were sober this would be a very different conversation. There would definitely be more emotions, there might even be some yelling (although that doesn’t really seem like Monét’s thing and he’s never been one to raise his voice, so maybe not). Either way, they aren’t sober, and now they’re the sleepy kind of drunk and exhausted, so they just sit there at the bar staring at each other, not sure what to say next.
“Why’d you pick me?” Nina finally asks. “For the competition? Because of… that night?”
Monét shrugs and pulls his credit card out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Just wanted to win, girl. That’s it.”
“Shit, I don’t have—”
Monét waves him off. “I got it. Consider it after-hours mentoring.”
Nina thanks him repeatedly as they stand (clumsily) and make their way out of the hotel bar (stumblingly) and back to the elevator. When the doors shut behind them, Nina has a brief flash of all the things that two consenting adults can get up to in an elevator (some of which he has seen in recent days). But no. No. They had their chance, right? The ship has sailed.
Nina’s room is a few floors beneath the mentors’ (apparently), so he steps off before Monét.
“Can you find your way back to your room?” Monét asks, and Nina wishes he could says ‘no. No, I’m going to get completely lost, no, I’ll fall down every two steps if I don’t have you holding me up. No, I need you to linger in my doorway, I need to panic about whether I should try to kiss you goodnight, I need to think about inviting you in.
(I wouldn’t. Of course I wouldn’t. So - unprofessional. But - it’d be nice to think about.)’
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll manage.”
Monét grins. Nina likes to think there’s a bit of disappointment around the edges of it, but he’s also a couple drinks in, and wears the rosiest of glasses at the best of times.
“Thanks for the company and conversation, Nina West.”
Nina nods. Doesn’t touch him, doesn’t look over his shoulder at Monét as he leaves the elevator.
But he doesn’t go back to his room either.
He wanders the hotel. Presses the down button and gets on a different elevator a few minutes later.
Nina’s going to regret this tomorrow when he’s exhausted, but he just can’t imagine shutting himself in his dark little room and lying down right now. He’s vibrating, on edge. It’s a bad idea, because there’s nothing more depressing than a silent hotel after midnight - something about the lateness of the hour makes all the shine come off. Nina’s feet lead him down one hallway and down another, and he doesn’t realize he’s heading to their usual breakfast-conference room until he hears… music?
Yes, there’s definitely music coming out of there, the casual strumming of a stringed instrument that doesn’t have anywhere to go. Someone might be humming too, it’s hard to tell from a distance.
Nina follows the sound.
The door is open, just a bit, and all the lights are on. Sitting alone in the room is Trixie Mattel, bent in concentration over her autoharp.
Out of drag, she looks smaller, more vulnerable. It’s clear just how young she is. She’s picking at a tune, murmuring something under her breath. Nina suddenly feels a warm breeze against his skin, and the melody that Trixie’s playing becomes clearer, a delicate bluegrass riff that would be at home on Nina’s old Emmylou Harris or Linda Ronstadt records.
Along with the warm breeze comes a gust of dandelion seeds, floating through the hallway like tiny wisps of cotton. Nina feels like he’s alone with Trixie in the middle of a waving wheat field, sun-baked and desolate. He can smell the cracked soil beneath his feet, hear the sound of crickets chirping in time with Trixie’s brittle melody.
Oh no. That thing is happening again.
Trixie starts to sing:
“You’re the brightest star in any room.
I’m never lonelier than when I’m with you.
I miss something that’s never happened.
I miss a place I’ve never been to.”
Her voice is quiet at first, but it grows louder.
“There are some bridges that you cannot cross
Say it again ‘til I convince myself
But all this certainty it feels like loss.
I wouldn’t risk this much for no one else.”
Trixie gets to her feet, starts walking through the wheatfield as she sings the chorus.
“And there’s a wide field between us
How you traveled all those miles without me I don’t understand
I’m always on the edge of falling
And you could pull me over just by reaching out your hand
If you’d only take that chance.”
She keeps plucking at the harp, and Nina feels words welling up inside him, ready to spill from his mouth (when he starts singing, he’s thinking of Monét. Because of course he is.)
“This sort of thing, it don’t come easy
I never know just what to do or say
It feels impossible, believe me
That you would ever look at me that way.”
He thinks of Monét’s lips on Shangela’s after the Snatch Game. He thinks of Monét’s eyes on him at the bar. (“Be careful lookin’ at people like that, Nina West.”)
“There are some bridges that you cannot cross
I built up walls around this paper heart
But when I see you I forget it
All of the reasons we should be apart.”
Trixie harmonizes along with Nina as he sings the chorus.
“And there’s a wide field between us
How I traveled all these miles, baby, I don’t understand
I’m always on the edge of falling
And you could pull me over by just reaching out your hand
But could I ever take that chance?”
Nina sings the last line one more time, feeling the weight of his hopeless longing rising like a tide inside his chest. “If you’d only take that chance…”
“Nina?”
“Um.”
Trixie is sitting in the conference room, staring at him. She’s holding her autoharp but there’s no flowing wheatfields or whatever. Somehow Nina ended up in the doorway, just standing there. Fuck’s sake. Is he dissociating? Musically??? This is unbearable.
“How long have you been there?” Trixie asks, confused.
“Um, just got - here, so -” Nina’s face is probably turning bright red, and he’s hoping against that he hasn’t just been shouting song lyrics blankly at a terrified Trixie Mattel for the past few minutes. “Are you okay?”
Trixie winces. Then she nods.
“Yeah, of course. Just - yes. Couldn’t sleep. Figuring some - stuff out. You?”
“Just - you know. Having an emotional spiral.”
“Oh honey…” Trixie’s smiling but her voice is soft and sad. “My first perm was an emotional spiral, honey.”
Nina laughs in a brittle way, because 1) Trixie’s hilarious and 2) it’s obvious she’s trying to make him feel better.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not right now,” Trixie sighs, shakes her head. “But thanks.”
Nina leaves her to it. After - whatever that just was - he feels ready to crash at long last. He’s still a bit buzzed from the tequila, but his nervous energy has banked, and he heads back to his room. He’s ready to sleep, ready to deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
So of course, there’s someone waiting for him outside his room.
“Nina West.” Maya the P.A. gives him a slow, broad smile the moment he comes into view. “Found your way back, hey? Great. We need to talk.”
Interlude: Trixie
Conversation with:
swamp thing
i cunt believe i agreed to this
Fuck autocorrect CANT
It knows what you REALLY MEANT
It knew i was texting you and assumed
I’ll take it
You’ll take anything
I ain’t proud mama
I’m hunnnnnngry
For serious though, things okay there?
For serious serious
4 C-ri-us
GROSS
That’s gonna be my dj name
Please welcome to the stage
Why do I talk to you
Why do i even know you
Yes things are find its just weird
Being back on set
And like also runnign a business and
planning a tour and all of it. At least
they let us keep our phones
Must be hard being successful
I’m crying for you
I didn’t know you could still produce tears
I squeeze em out
Like milking a cow
Just need the right suction
Stop talking to me
What can you say that you won’t get sued for
I want drama
Who’s fisting who
Ha monet wishes she was fisting someone
Shes like middle school crushing on a queen here
Its kinda cute and sad
If love isn’t pathetic i don’t want it
And there’s last seasons whole thing
#branjie
sell those hats
That is not about hats
I saw them at a show in LA last summer
They’re fucked up in love, mama
IN LOVE???
Who even are you
I’m a person who has eyes
that can see things
Are they not together? They’re togther right?
NOPE
Are you fucking kidding
I don’t believe it
Since when are you this romantic
I’m not romantic
I have no romance in my bones
It’s just OBVIOUS
Well not to them
SO
Ahhhh the gays
When will we figure our shit out
Realize what’s right in front of us
You gone?
Yeah sorry
Going to pass out
Don’t die or anything
Whiel i’m gone
Aren’t you sweet
Conversation with:
sure thing
Doing anything fun tonight?
Or just missing me
Babe?
Ok sorry filming again
Call you on break
Do not let me do this again
I don’t care what they offer me
(id o care what they offer me)
Breaks over talk to you after?
How was your day?
Call me if you want
I’m done for the night
Just getting white girl wasted alone
In my hotel room
At the mini bar yes i’m that famous now
I’m gonna crash call me if you get this
Love u
Conversation with:
swamp thing
I dreamt that i was in a bsatroom
At mcdonalds that one you puked in
After the show in philadelphia
Do you remember? Probably not
And you were there and fucking
Gordon ramsay was there (!!!)
And he wad hitting on you
And i wasd so pissed off
And thrn this lady came in and was like
‘You can’t be in here, this is for ronald only” And i fully shot her with a GUN
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TRACY
I just woke up and feel like a monster
She was just doing her job
Ronald mcdonald needs his private shitter
And i just killed her
I killed a living dream person
Thank you for sharing this with me
I feel so close to you right now
Yeah i don’t confess dream murder
to just ayone
But WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
Latent Ronald mcdonald fetish
Clearly
I’m not a doctor or anythng
But i’m sorry you’re dying
Yep yep makes sense
I always knew it would end like this
fuck/marry/kill
me/gordan ramsay/ronald mcD
(you wanna know what the D stands for)
No i want to sleep
For 3 more hours
But i’m on reality tv again
You should havw stopped me
Maybe this dream was a warning!
I’m supposed to save you
From endng up on Chopped
What did you dream about?
U have to tell me even if it’s sexy
That’s the law
Another teeth falling out one
Mama you know that’s my kink
Conversation with:
sure thing
Good morning sexy thing
I’m so tiiiiiired
Don’t make me get up yet
Hey are u alive?
Yes
Yay u r alive!
I called u yesterday night
And at lunch
U ok?
Did u get my messages?
yes
Ok
Can i call you?
I miss your voice
I cant talk right now
Sorry
Ok
I’ll call you tonight
After filming?
Sure
Love u gorgeous
Hey just called left a message
Give me a shout later
I miss you
Brian
Have you seen the pics
from the MTV Movie Awards?
Ummm ok
No i’ll look them up
Ok
Fuck my lashes are so uneven
U breaking up with me over lashes
Lol
U and kat are pretty cuddly
Haha
are u being serious
Ur joking
Are u ok? Can i call u?
I’m out right now
Call you when i get home
Ok
But we’ve talked about this before right
U know we’re friends
Me and Kat
We’re just friends
U know this
Yeah i have lots of friends
And we don’t hold hands and kiss eachother
All the fucking time
So we’re fdoing this over text?
Is that what we’re doing
No i’ll call u later
Call me ok? I love u
U cannot be jealous of katya
She’s my Business Partner
And it’s DRAG
We touch each otehr all the time
We all do
Gotta go call u later
Conversation with:
swamp thing
Can we talk?
Not if ur busy
Let me just stop blowing this senator
And kick the clowns out
And get thes handcuffs off
No i’m not worth it
Keep these good things goin
It was winding down anyway
Gettin awkward
I have yoga tomorrow
Whats up pussycat
This is gonna sound really weird
Have you seen the pics of us
from the movie awwrds
Probably blocked them out
why????
am i like a troll
No more than usual
David texted me about them
And he’s all pissed off??
Because of us holding hands
Like so so stupid right
WHAT???!
Thats crazy!
Im so sorry
This isn’t the handmaids tale
He can calm his tits
(sorry, not to attack him just) Has he seen our shows??
What did you tell him
To fucking call me!!!
And he hasn’t
And i’m on this stupid set and can’t just go
See him and convince him how crazy he is
I’m so sorry
Do you want me to call him
I’ll call him
Tell me what to say
No don’t
Don’t worry
Its fine
I’ll talk to him
Conversation with:
swamp thing
Hey are you awake
If youre awake call me
david and I are done
over the phone
FUN
sorry you’re clearly asleep
I’m just a little drunk
brian
he said some things
that ive been thinking about
maybe call me tomorrow if u can
guess ill see you soon anyway
dont die while im gone
miss u
#rpdr fanfiction#nina west#monet x change#vanessa vanjie mateo#brooke lynn hytes#ninex#eventual branjie#background trixya#smut#angst#musical#all stars au#how far i'll go#hfig#mia ugly#meggie#concrit welcome#on set fic
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Text
85 Questions wowie
ayo my bife @bidonnas tagged me in dis thank u ily
last
drink // red wine lmao
phone call // my dad for 0.6 seconds
text message // my gc with my best friends
song you listened to // plum by troye sivan
time you cried // at like 1 am this morning fhbdnjs
ever
dated someone twice // ya
kissed someone and regretted it // mmm not regretted it but more like dissapointed i kissed them hdjnsmd
been cheated on // kinda ? its complicated fgdhnjsdiwjd
lost someone special // sadly :(
been depressed // bitch i wouldnt be here if i wasn't
gotten drunk and thrown up // nah i don't throw up
fave colours // sunset pink (not a color idc)
in the last year have you
made new friends // hell freaking yeah!!!!
fallen out of love // actually yes
laughed until you cried // bitch i do this every time im with my best friends
found out someone was talking about you // ya but surprisingly in a good way
met someone who changed you // i dont think so ??
found out who your friends are // i already knew fygedwsamd
kissed someone on your facebook friends list // ya and i regretted it
general
how many of your facebook friends do you know irl // all of them dsjnkax
do you have any pets // no i never had one bc my mom hates me dcuhsij
do you want to change your name // no i actually rly like my name dshbid
what did you do for your last birthday // i got drunk with my best friends, had them over for a sleepover and then went out for brunch with them
what were you doing at midnight last night // wtching shane sawson videos udckjnc what is something you can’t wait for // seeing my best friend gfdhbsjn what are you listening to right now // my aunt complain abt her phnoe bill have you ever talked to a person named tom // yeah my cousins name is tom bhjds something that gets on your nerves // chewing loudly most visited website // tumblr ofc
hair colour // ugly ass blonde but im getting it dyed in a few weeks
long or short hair // long jbsauigc
do you have a crush on someone // funny of u to assume i only have one
what do you like about yourself // i got cute ears rfvgdhbsjk
want any piercings // no i always wanted some but now like maybe my ears but i dont rly want one
blood type // idk i think AB but im not certain
nicknames // cel, celi, cicci, chin chin, and tata (idk its just my sister sdhbajn)
relationship status // single and sad
zodiac // libra
pronouns // she/her
fave tv shows // brooklyn 99, the good placce (idk i havent watched many shows recently)
tattoos // i have 1 but i dont like it so (its a sunset but v cunfusion, i got it with someone who im like mad at and as a libra thats a lot for me)
right or left handed // right woop
ever had surgery // nah i had to get stitches on my elbow but thats it
piercings // nop
sport // nice joke
vacation // just ended :(
trainers // bitch i dont run
more general
eating // ice cream tiramisu
drinking // not enough
about to watch // suits
waiting for // my mom to come pick me up hdsiwbf
want // a label maker geryudjsnksdkjbcs
get married // idk not a need
career // no
which is better
hugs or kisses // depends on the person
lips or eyes // eyes
shorter or taller // taller? idk
older or younger // older?
nice arms or stomach // idc abt either
hookup or relationship // relationship i need love
troublemaker or hesitant // troublemaker (i am the hestitant one vbudsjnk)
have you ever
kissed a stranger // yeah ucbybiw
drunk hard liquor // ya
lost glasses // yes its horrible vuhbdjsa
turned someone down // ya this guy who was "in love with me" for 6 mnths
sex on first date // fuck no r u kiddin
broken someone’s heart // i was told i did bu i didnt know vjndks
had your heart broken // nope
been arrested // no im a fuckin goody two shoes udsjnak
cried when someone died //yeah :(
fallen for a friend // hell yeah bitch
do you believe in
yourself // not rly
miracles // i like to think so
love at first sight // not rly
santa claus // bitch i wish someone just randomly gave me gifts
kiss on a first date // ya
angels // it comforts me hbdjks
others
best friend’s name // ola!!!!! my fav person ever
eye colour // blue
fave movie // 10 things i hate abt you
fave actors // amanda seyfried, meryl streep, vanessa hudgens (just for hsm)
i tag @harrysdimples @pinkflaredpants @kiwiintro @harryonstage @lovedbabie @harryonmain @harrysnotechanges @gettingdizzy @harryandcats idk if thats 10 what even are numbers ybudjnsa
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