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tickle-bugs · 1 year

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Lil idea for the 3 Peter Parkers!

Peter 1, the youngest, often gets snarky with the older two "brothers". They both eventually decide theyve had enough of his jabs about their age, and team up on him, working together to tickle him to bits and teach him to respect his elders

Attitude Adjustment

Okay so if you’re like me and literally can’t keep the numbers straight: peter one (referred to just as Peter here) is tom holland’s spidey, peter two is tobey maguire’s, and peter three is andrew garfield’s. I felt SO silly writing in the numbers but there really is no other way LOL

Also, au where they’re in sort of a Spiderverse situation and the other spideys are trying to figure out how to get back to their dimensions. Absolutely no canon, just vibes.

“Hey Pete? How do you work this thing?” Peter Two huffs and flails his hands around through the holographic energy core in front of him. It spins listlessly, unsure how to interpret his gestures, and beeps at him.

“Comin’.” Peter rolls off the couch, chucking his phone onto the rickety coffee table. His new place was small, achingly so, but it was starting to come together nicely. He had pictures on the walls, a rug on the worst spot of the floor, and a bedframe. All progress was good progress.

“Show me how you’re doing it?” Peter squishes beside Two, who sort of swats at the hologram like an irritating bug.

“Oh, okay. So, uh, the hologram maps its movements according to your fingertips. If it can’t get a good read, it’s not gonna respond. Here, like this.” Peter pulls his hands into the projected image, twitching his fingertips and twirling his wrists. The simulated core spins and zooms at his whim. Eventually, the image flashes green, and a small loading bar picks up at the bottom.

“Neat.” Peter Two watches in awe as the computer begins to synthesize his formula. He idly spins the image around. “We didn’t have anything like this growing up. It’s crazy.”

“Glad I could help, grandpa.” Peter grins, giving Two’s shoulder a good-natured squeeze. Two rolls his eyes and shoos him away.

“What a nice young man, helping the elderly,” Peter Three hums from the ceiling, typing away at his laptop as if his life depends on it. He looks a bit like a goblin, or maybe a vampire, hunched over all of them.

“I do my part.” Peter salutes, flips back over the couch, and pulls his phone back into his hand with a web. He’d lost his place in the Fantastic Four interview he was reading. He sighs.

“You both are hilarious,” Peter Two grumbles, watching a holographic array of complex mathematics spin in front of him.

Peter sinks down into the couch, into the quiet buzz of technology and Peter Three’s terrifying typing. It’s not silence, not quite, but it still gnaws into his bones in a way he doesn’t like. He’s been avoiding being Peter as much as he can lately, instead staying out on patrol as late as his body can handle. Collapsing on a rooftop as Spider-Man is easier than coming back to Peter Parker’s shithole apartment.

Spending time with people like him, people who get it, it’s…nice. Steadying. He knows it’s going to crush him when they leave, but having them now is more than he could ever ask for. He has no one, but he has them.

“Hey.” Peter leans over the back of the couch and waves at Three. “Need help?”

“Hm? No, I’m good. Still compiling that list of compatible metals. Hoping to keep this matter projector the size of a rubix cube. Or, worst case scenario, like a suitcase.” Peter Three gnaws at his lip, then squints at his screen. He flings out a web and snags his glasses, catching them out of midair. He puts them on with care, pinning the laptop to his upside-down lap with his free hand. After fiddling with the lenses, he gets them to balance properly.

“You’re still squinting.” Peter chuckles.

“It’s part of the creative process.” Three waves an idle hand, then squints more aggressively. “I, uh--I’ve got shit eyesight. It’s fine.”

“The spider bite didn’t fix your vision?” Peter furrows his brow.

“It did, but I wrecked it again. Too much blue light, too many flashbangs to the face--it all takes a toll, y’know? You should be grateful your eyes still work. Take care of them while you have them.” Peter Three nods sagely. He grabs his mug of long-cold coffee with a web and brings it carefully to his hands. He sips, gags, then comes back for more.

“Okay, dad.” Peter huffs with no venom. He tries not to be jealous that Three can drink upside down. He’s tried. Repeatedly.

“You have a remarkable amount of attitude for someone so tiny.” Three stares at him over the rim of his glasses, which shouldn’t be as funny as it is. Peter snorts.

“Right? It’s his tone,” Peter Two hums. The computer chirps at him that his equation is only sixty percent viable, would you like to try again? He thunks his head into the desk. Three’s mug slowly lowers itself down beside him. Two takes a sip, gags, and deposits the mug in the sink. Three balls up a piece of paper and throws it at his head.

“Alright, I’m starting to go a little stir crazy. How about we take a break?” Peter Two stretches, popping something in his back. He does the ‘keys, wallet, phone’ patdown on himself, turning in circles to make sure he’s set.

“Like a patrol break?” Peter perks up.

“No, a dinner break. I’m starving, and God knows when you two last ate. Or slept.” Two hazards a glance towards Three.

“Oh, I’m good. Go without me.” Peter Three keeps typing. Two’s glare chills the room a few degrees. He pointedly clears his throat.

“Y’know what, actually? A break sounds great. Super on board with the, uh, the break time.” Peter Three closes his laptop and flips down off the ceiling. He stumbles as he lands, hissing in pain. The laptop goes flying, but Peter just manages to snag it with a web. He cradles it to his chest.

“Thanks.” Three nods. Peter nods back. The room collectively sighs in relief.

“Is it your, uh--” Two maneuvers to support Three as best he can. They limp over to the corner of the kitchen together.

“My back, yeah. Shitshitshit.” Peter Three inhales tightly and leans up against the counter. He tips his head back against the cabinets and focuses on breathing.

“It just, uh--well, it locks up sometimes. No clue why.” Three shrugs, then winces.

“I think I have some painkillers. If it’ll help.” Peter sets the laptop down. Three smiles thinly at him.

“I’ll take you up on that. I’m usually fine after a few minutes. Just gotta wait it out.” Three winces again, gripping the countertop hard. The cheap vinyl cracks with the force of it. Peter tries not to wonder if he’ll have to pay for that--instead, he fishes out the pitifully empty bottle from his coffin-sized bathroom.

“Gimme your hands.” Peter Two crowds in front of Three and starts helping him stretch, slow and steady. After a heart-wrenching cry of pain, Three hums appreciatively. He twists side to side, working out as many sore spots as he can. Peter shakes the bottle at him and tosses it. He catches it and dry swallows the pills.

“Hm.” Peter leans against the wall.

“What?” Two huffs.

“Nothing.” Peter shakes his head with a smile. Fondness blooms warm in his chest. May used to tell him that he’s the only person who knows how to take care of himself best, what he needs. He wonders if she ever thought it would manifest this way.

“Alright, c’mon. What old man joke are you sitting on right now?” Two crosses his arms. His amusement is contagious.

“I wasn’t going to make fun of you!” Peter laughs.

“One day you’re gonna be a twenty-something with a bad back. You’re gonna be like ‘oh wise and mysterious Peter, please help me with my ailing spine’. Then you’ll get it.” Three grunts. He loudly cracks something in his back and all of them wince.

“What am I gonna do? Do a backbend over your walker?” Peter snickers. Three gasps and splutters, sending both of them into actual laughter. They’re terrible influences on each other.

“You are such a brat.” Two chuckles, mostly in disbelief. Peter sticks his tongue out at him.

“Were you like this?” Two jerks a thumb toward Peter. Three quirks a smile and regards Peter for a bit--the defiant jut of his chin and the fire in his eyes are heartwarming.

“I mean…yeah. Kinda. Just tall.” Three smirks.

“I’m not short.” Peter scoffs. Two and Three exchange a glance. Three leans on Peter’s head. Peter swats his arm away.

“You’re barely taller than me!” Peter huffs, throwing his hands in the air.

“First step is acceptance, buddy.” Two pats his shoulder. “Let’s get our shawarma on.”

Peter Three stifles his laughter into his fist, squinting in mirth through crooked glasses. Peter groans, smacking his face into his palm. He’s hiding a smile, though, and it makes Two smile in turn.

“What?”

“Let’s get our shawarma on?” Peter snickers, his shoulders shaking.

“Yeah, I can’t defend you. That was corny.” Three leans into Peter and soon they’re both giggling, set off by each other’s goofiness.

“You sound like a dad!” Peter giggles.

“Scratch that. We’re not going anywhere until we cure you of this attitude.” Two raises an eyebrow. Peter giggles at him which, while adorable, Two cannot stand for.

“You gonna send me to my room? Ground me? Oooh, I’m so scared--” Peter snorts, then he’s upside down. Peter Two’s got him around the waist like a sack of potatoes. He lets out an affronted squeak and tries to reach for the floor.

“Whatareyoudoing--” All the breath leaves Peter in a hefty woosh as Two worms his fingers into his sides. He squeals, his legs flailing wildly. He tries to pry Two’s hands away but gravity isn’t his friend at the moment.

“Spider deterrent,” Two says, deathly serious, but Peter can hear him smiling. Bastard.

“Nononohoho! Tickling is cheating!” Peter cackles, all hope of playing tough long gone with his breath. No matter which way he tilts, Two’s fingers are waiting to torment him--and he seems to have quickly figured out just how deathly ticklish his stomach is. Almost like he knew already.

“I didn’t know there were rules--” Peter Two ducks out of the way of an accidental kick-- “Hey! Violence is not the answer!”

“Gonna v-violence your stuhupid fahahace! Lemme go!” Peter growls, prying at Two’s wrists again. Two tuts at him and vibrates his fingers into Peter’s stomach. He shrieks and kicks his legs, all pent-up energy with nowhere to go.

“Aren’t you gonna help?” Peter gasps at Three, his voice way higher pitched than he’d like. His face is redder than his suit, little giggles still slipping free. He’s (mostly) deathly serious about murdering Two if he can just get out of this.

“Yeah, come help!” Two grins, beckoning Three over with a tilt of the head. Peter Three disappears out of Peter’s line of sight and he allows himself an evil grin.

“We’re gonna kick your--” Peter loses the last half of his threat to a yelp, then frenetic giggling as Three claws at his ribs. Peter screeches in betrayal and tries to swat at him, but he’s far from coordinated and it tickles, oh my god--

“Sorry. More afraid of him than I am of you.” Peter Three grins sheepishly, but his eyes shine with mischief. He walks his fingers up under Peter’s arms and he screeches loud enough to make a dog down the hall start barking. He lets out a snort and desperate syllables tumble out to follow. He manages to elbow Two in the gut and nearly gets dropped on his head for the trouble.

“S-Sorry! Tickles!” Peter hiccups and clamps his arms to his sides.

“You are so squirmy!” Two tosses him over the back of the shitty couch. Peter squeals at the sudden change in gravity, but then he’s squealing because they both follow him over the couch.

“I-I’m gonna get a noise complaint! Guys!” Peter throws his head back against the armrest and cackles, shoving at the two of them. He’s not sure where the ceiling is anymore, everything’s sort of spinning, but the slight burn in his chest is grounding.

“Alright, alright.” Two lays off and Three follows suit. Peter flings his arm over his face and tries to remember the sweet embrace of oxygen.

“Oho man. You guys suck.” Peter peeks at them with a goofy smile.

“Spider deterrent. Works like a charm.” Two puts his hands on his hips. Three leans up behind him and goes to poke his side, but Two catches his hand.

“Don’t. Do not.” Two points at Three threateningly. Three holds his hands up in surrender, but his grin is anything but innocent. He and Peter lock eyes.

“Spider deterrent, huh?” Peter leans up on his elbows with a cocky grin. “Every experiment needs multiple trials, right?”

“You’re both menaces.” Two grapples with Three, occasionally twitching but still putting up a fight. Peter manages to poke him a few times and get his arm caught, but Two can’t fight both of them.

A hush befalls the room as Peter Two visibly weighs his options, trying not to crack from Three’s pinching at his ribs.

Two throws himself over the couch, followed by Three, and Peter eggs them on from the safety of the couch. It’s like watching cats wrestle, really--there’s an indistinguishable tangle of limbs and shouting before Peter Three’s shocked cackle emerges from the pile.

“P-Peter! Help!” Three wheezes, holding his hand out for rescue.

“Oh, you want my help? Yeah, sure, I’ll help.” Peter cackles evilly, kicking off the couch and launching himself at Three.

“Wait, hold on--”

…

“98 percent viable. We did it,” Peter Two breathes, holding the hologram in his hands. The simulated core spins lazily. After hours of calibration and recalibration, the algorithm finally holds steady. Three squeezes his shoulder and laughs quietly, happily. They’re going home.

“Should we tell him?” Three casts a glance over to the couch. Peter’s out cold, curled up under a threadbare blanket that refuses to let go of its musty smell. Despite the bags under his eyes, he looks peaceful.

“Tomorrow. You both still owe me shawarma.” Two smiles, knocking their shoulders together.

#why are my most beloved blorbos the hardest to write ;-;#sorry the ending was rushed on this but i hope you enjoy!!!#my fics #mcu spiderman #ticklish!peter parker #peter parker #marvel #love and light i will not be tagging all of them LMAO #hope u enjoy anon!!#i dont think ive written any mcu spiderman fics yet so ill christen the tag i suppose #i have so many headcanons about like. just who they are as people and what their dynamic would be like if they worked together as a unit #god i gotta watch the tobey and andrew movies again i miss them #also it is SO important to me that peter parker is just. a little bitchy. i dont know why but i feel it's essential for the queens in him #also like. the three peters are totally different characters but when its time for mischief they share one braincell #GAH i love them #my boys!!!#edit: Peter two’s back issues are just my back issues. sometimes my back goes AAAAAAAAAAAAAA and then it’s fine

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bluinary · 3 months

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With no hate to that previous post I just reblogged bc its valid in and of itself:

I get what they're saying, but it's actually *not* like Rick Riordan broke into your house and moved all of your furniture.

It's more like you *bought* furniture and installment services from Uncle Rick's Home Goods in 2008, a lovely niche shop focused on serving our underserved community of neurodivergents. And then, despite your furniture from that time still being exactly as it was when you bought it and billions of exact copies being for sale, when Uncle Rick said, "Hey guys, I'm going to make this same line of furniture out of completely different material, and Im adopting a new installation tactic, but it's going to stick to its general function and purpose," you giddily clapped your hands and said, "I can't wait to see the exact same thing made out of entirely different materials!" Forgetting, of course, that that is literally impossible.

And **then** you came home and found that Rick (whom you left the door open for!) moved all of your furniture slightly to the left. Also he replaced every item with near-identical copies.

"I liked it the way it was very much, thank you!" Then don't get the update, idiot. It is so optional to watch this show. You had to wait a week between every episode. You had to torrent every 40 minute video on a weekly basis, or drive to visit your one family member who won't give up Disney+ anyway. And when things started proving to be different, *you* made the conscious choice to see where things were going. Now you're mad and miffed that it wasn't as faithful an adaptation as The Lion King 2019 was to the original 💀. Coming from an AuDHDer, please understand that your neurodivergent rigidity can only be accommodated so much, my friend. Real people worked hard to make this. Different people from the book's production. *More* people than the book's production. And you know what's crazy is that, despite all of this, some of the tone of minor scenes may have changed, but nothing major truly did. We did it-- we got a faithful adaptation!! If it's not your cup of tea, if your mind's eye just cannot be topped, it's all good. Just say, "this seemed cooler in my head." But oh my god, I'm tired of the Rick slander. The overall crew slander. As if people didn't work their asses off to make this show happen at all. "Rick Riordan broke into my home--" you let him in. *You* watched the show; you let him in and consented to whatever the fuck he was going to do (which...wasn't even much).

If you are scared of coming home and finding your special interest moved slightly to the left, stop letting the author back in through your front door.

#pjo tv show #vent #i didnt want to reply to OP bc i dont know them and their post just seemed like a vent too.#this is in response to many many others ive seen blaming rick for their viewing experience #i dont know rick either. but tbh his work speaks for itself.#and if we want more of it we need to not do The Twitter Thing of smashing and trashing anything remotely made for us #just bc its not perfect. or in this case because its slightly to the left of the original source 🙄#its in response to the people who are like....being hostile about it.#im really fucking disappointed in this fanbase. i used to think we were a far more positive place.#but genuinely trying to be on here and look at fun posts about pjo between eps has lead to much of the fun being squashed #because ***everyone is complaining****.#yall are insufferable. go join the illiteracy club on tiktok and watch the latest marvel movie or something.#the positive posts are becoming so few that Tumblr has shown me the same posts over 5 times each.#You Are A Tar Pit ❤️#not op of the last post btw. again they seemed nice. their analogy was just....it accidentally summed up the problem perfectly.

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ballerinalouis · 2 months

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so much to blame the mcu for so little time

#and i dont even know about all the reasons marvel ppl hate marvel #currently im blaming them for the atla series being peak netflix mediocrity #theyre like my ronald reagan #its just like netflix clearly didnt give a shit how that show turned out #bc they knew people would watch it no matter what and then binge the og series to compare bc its a ~beloved franchise~#i am not immune!!#but i think if we dont raise our standards they are just going to keep feeding us weird cafeteria slop #like ok yeah i guess that is technically food #anyway there is so much i should be doing

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wellhalesbells · 5 months

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LIAR YOU TOTALLY WATCHED ONE SEQUEL!!! 😉💜

https://www.tumblr.com/wellhalesbells/736050291745652736/friendraichu-jackironsides

HAHAHAHA, I should clarify that I just mean for super hero-y ones. I mostly watch the first one and rarely watch the second (or anything after...... or remakes, lol), I think the only Marvel one I've seen in recent history is Thor: Ragnarok. Actually, the Spider-man franchise pretty much encapsulates how I interact with Marvel properties: I saw the first trilogy because it was new and exciting at the time, then they remade it too fast and I refused to pay for something I just saw, that was so recent in my memory from the release date I could still remember exact scenes from it (THERE WERE ONLY FIVE YEARS BETWEEN SPIDER-MAN 3 AND THE REBOOT - THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN. HOW IS THAT ENOUGH TIME FOR ANYONE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN???), then I watched the first Tom Holland one (fourteen years I can vibe with) and nothing that followed because that's generally when the gimmicks and cameos start in lieu of good story-telling, or they make it dark and gritty because that's the only way to ground this superhuman, right (I assume a random white guy: "Should we fridge a lady? Yeah, we should probably fridge a lady"). The first one generally at least tries to have a soul because they have to introduce the character and make you care about them but many of the ones that follow (the few I've seen from when the MCU was just starting out and I had hope *coughs*Iron Man 2, Thor 2, etc.*coughs*) are just cash grabs that don't try because you already love this character and there they are, right there, so money please!

Meg 2 however..... EPIC, NO NOTES. It knows if I was a shark girl, I was probably a dinosaur girl and it gambled correctly. That's what you're watching this for? Have three sharks and an unnecessary (probably stupid expensive) dinosaur intro that is nearly completely irrelevant to the story but that you will also not want to live without and for an extra special bonus: oblivious husbands and their brilliant daughter. Like. You got me nailed, my dude. Will watch every subsequent sequel, no questions asked.

#i do understand that spider-man is a bullshit studio thing #and that it's a marvel property that belongs to sony and i implied everything is under the mcu umbrella #(and i honestly don't fault them for remaking it. instead i just don't understand how there was an audience for it???)#but they're all guilty of the same shit for different but also EXACTLY THE SAME reasons #they want to fleece money from me. because that's how it feels: like i'm being swindled #they're not earning my money through good content but instead through brand recognition and shared cultural touchstones #YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MONEY MOUSE #sony you can when it's miles (that is a sequel i DID watch and that DID have a soul imo) :))))#something similar (cash grabs) are pretty much the exact reason i stopped reading marvel comics too #capitalism ruins everything #for a moral everyone knows *snorts*#also generally the sequels have bigger budgets and just to quote freckle...... sometimes things that are expensive are worse #great things sometimes come from people having to work within constraints and when you aren't given any....... terrible things can happen #like bbc sherlock lolol. AHEM #basically if i watch a sequel now it has to be a character i am VERY invested in so i'm willing to be burned - deadpool or miles #or it has to break containment from people who will go see anything with a marvel sticker on it to people who..... won't #and still recommend it - like ragnarok #(i wonder if NOT going the dark gritty route and instead having a fun story with a conflict that wasn't dependent on outdoing every #other conflict that came before it in this whole universe had aNYTHING to do with its success. hrm. it's a mystery!)#normally i would answer this privately but i had to explain about the sony thing so you would know i KNEW about the sony thing and then....#tag explosion and now it has to be public and i'm sorry i went on a mouse rant. I HATE THE MONOPOLY MOUSE I JUST DO.#IT'S BAD AND IT MAKES BAD LAZY THINGS THAT KILL CREATIVITY (AND NOW ALSO FUNDS GENOCIDE SO)#!ask

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boxwinebaddie · 9 months

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psst! nina! -slides you $20- record store stan and comic book store kyle hanging out on their lunch break…plz 😩🥺💍

excuse me!!!! i am an upstanding law abiding citizen! i would never take a bribe!!!!...but if it somehow ended up on the floor or in my purse while i wasn't looking sahdhdkjs

but bestie i would have done it for free <3 i fucking...Love stan and kyle having edgy boy nerdy boy boyfriend solidarity they're so fkn cute to me oh my god aaaaa

also they work right across the street from each other so they do be shamelessly ogling each other all the time when they're supposed to be working. they also call each other on their work phones all the time and kyle is like "stan i told u not to call me when i'm working!!!!" and stan is like "but i MISSED u!" and hes like "bitch i am literally across the street" and stan is like "so cross the street and give me a big wet sloppy kiss dummy!" shdkjsa

they also totally badly prank call each other which is so funny bc its like I CAN SEE U STUPID!!! and also sometimes jealous kyle calls in like STAN IF YOU DONT TELL THAT BITCH W THE LANA DEL REY ALBUM AND THE BELLY BUTTON PIERCING U HAVE A BOYFRIEND RN IM COMING OVER THERE SHSKHD my hero oh my god!! stan is like ITS FOR HER GIRLFRIEND GENIUS SHE ALSO BOUGHT GIRL IN RED skahsd hes like that man in there tho with all the hair products in his hair!!!! he is not trying to score spiderman hes trying to score ur number sex-c!!! tell him ur closed...also my hero

i am like in the trenches of writer girl hell writing thirteen and trying to put good vibes back into my life so i...unfortunately could not put actions in it ( if u slide me $10 tho...i might consider it ) it's just dialogue but its funny i swear help!!! theyre cute!!!

...i hope this was worth your 20 dollars that ended up mysteriously in my pocket. Please Clap.

*DING!*

“Hey! Welcome to Vinyl Tap! My name is Stan, how may I help you—“

“Yooou know you’re not allowed in here anymore, sir!”

“And why is that…” “Kimberley?” *they never made stan a name tag*

“Because!” “You’re too tall…and good looking. No one will buy anything when you’re in here. They’re too busy looking at you. Me included.”

*stan winks and waves* *kyle rolls his eyes and does a sarcastic twirl*

“And management told me you keep checking out the check out guy at the counter. Absolutely unacceptable behavior.” “You disgust me.” “At least buy me dinner first.”

“I bought you lunch, actually, Asshole.” “Here’s dessert, bitch.” *kyle flips stan off*

“Aw! So sweet, bro! Just for that, you can have a bite.” *stan flips kyle off* “Sorry, your blood sugar looked low.” “And listen, If you’re gonna flip me off at least flip the sign around, you skyscraper! Mmkay?”

“Mmkay.”

“Ooh, ooh, oooooh! What is it?”

“Sniff.”

“NO!”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god?! Is it the super fucking delicious marinated tofu bahn mi from that new vegan Vietnamese food truck that parks next to City Hall? That I’ve been talking about—“

“For weeks. Yes. Please shut the fuck up now.”

“Did you add extr—“

“Extra jalapeño. Obviously, dipshit. I’m surprised you still have working taste buds.”

“Annnnnd—“

“And a Laaaarge Thai tea, sub oat milk. Yeah, yeah, yeahhh, whatever P r i n c e s s.”

“MY KY TEA!”

*holds his orange drink up to his kyles orange head excitedly*

“I totally forgot to pack a lunch earlier and everything! This is going to save my Life. Ugh, Dude, KP! You are LITERALLY the Best!”

*leans across the counter to hug kyle n almost crushes him 2 death*

“I know. And I have several awards and accolades that will back that statement up.”

“Also, I fucking K N E W it!”

“Knew what, motherfucker?”

“That you forgot to take your fucking ADHD medication again!”

“Nooooo…”

“Maaaaaybe…”

“Stan…”

“I know, I know, I knoooooow! I’m sorry! But also, if I am ‘chemically imbalanced’ or whatever and have a hard time remembering shit and focusing, why the fuck would they give me this thing I have to remember to do every morning? Like, it’s just so—“

“Babe.”

“Bro?”

“Food, drink, pill.”

“Fooooood, driiiiink, pillllll~”

*stan is very pleased with his stan-wich*

“Oh my god. D A N K.” “Best lunch EVER. I’m sooooo happy, I could totally k i s s you right now!”

“So kiss me, Dumbass.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely…”

*alexa play pony by ginuwine ;)*

*...did stan jump up on the counter and wrap his legs around kyle's waist...i can neither confirm nor deny these allegaytions ur honor*

“Peppermint.”

“Cherry.”

“Swap?”

“Swap.”

“Cherry.”

“Peppermint.”

“Way better.”

“Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

*kyle pulls back n eyes stan incredulously...and indecently ;)*

“Hold on a second…” “Marsh…”

“Broflovski?”

“Where is the rest of your shirt?”

“Out to lunch?” “Boo! Are you seriously dissing my fit, right now, bro?”

“Your fit would not FIT an eight year old boy!"

“Take it up with Kenny! He did it last night. He said it would help bring in sales.”

“He would say that.” “And what kind? OnlyFans?”

*deflecting and distraught bc...Hot*

“Kyle, c’mon! It’s c u t e!”

“It’s a CROP TOP.”

“It’s fun!”

“It’s INDECENT.”

“You’re staaaaring~” *stan shamelessly teasing kyle vc*

“It stared at me first.” *kp scowl insult combo bc hes nervous rip*

“It’s hot out there!”

“It’s hot IN here.”

“Ooh, say that again.”

“That.”

“Nevermind, I fucking hate you.” *more middle finger*

“I love you too.” *kissy noises*

“Ew, cute.” “But my eyes are up here. Pervert.”

*stan props kyles chin up on his finger so they can make sexually charged eye contact...seek jesus*

“They’re pretty…”

“Pretty weird looking.”

*stan looking crispy because he just got roasted*

“I’M weird looking!? Have you SEEN yourself?”

“Oh, HELL no! I am not taking smoke from a dude with frosted tips wearing low rise jeans and a shirt that looks like it could have been purchased from the junior girls section of Target. All you need is Kenny to tattoo a butterfly tramp stamp on you and you’re good to go, Paris Hilton.”

“And I'M not taking SMOKE from a dude wearing his dorky Cosmic Comic work uniform hat forwards instead of backwards like anyone over the age of 12.”

*stan totally takes his hat off and wears it like a backwards fuckboy snapback, kyle starts choking help sdsjh*

“Basketball shorts and…a Batman baseball tee that looks like it could have been purchased from the junior BOYS section of Target.” “Even if it does make your arms look really good.”

“Really? Ah-ahah. T-Thank you. Your a-arms also—” *nervous kyle stuttering* “Clever diversion tactic, but Stan, do NOT start this fight with me again! I reeeeally do not want to have this fight AGA—“

“Dude, he’s like, not even a Real superhero! He literally BOUGHT his way into being a superhero! He has no superpower! His superpower is being RICH!”

“Bro, so did IRON MAN!”

*cue stan and kyles regular n daily marvel dc fight to the death*

“OKAY! Well, Tony Stark has a wicked sweet robot butler and Bruce Lame-yne just has that weird creepy old guy who should probably have his name on the sex offenders list.”

*kyle absolutely fucking aghast*

“I’m sorry — Did you just refer to Alfred as ‘that weird creepy old guy’?”

“—Who probably wants to diddle little boys, but yes, that’s exactly what I said, Kyle!”

*eye twitches in rabid comic book boy*

“…And are you implying that Jarvis is cooler than ALFRED?!”

“I am not just implying that information…”

“I am d e l i n e a t i n g it to you.”

*stan using his english hw vocab rizz like kyle look look i studied*

“Mwah.”

*stan flabbergasted dramatic boy sounds*

“EXCUSE ME!!!! DID YOU JUST THROW MY KISS IN THE TRASH!?!?”

*he shoooooots, he scooooores*

“No, I threw in it in recycling because I know you’re a hoe for the environment.”

*stan abt to ask kyle to help him find something in the stock room...i really hope its the bible*

“…Okay, w-wowz—Jesus Christ. Ky, you know it’s seriously so hot to me when you recycle responsibly, but..."

*rizzed stan so hard oh my god hes blushin omg is it hot in here*

“Hope you heal from being a DC dickrider.”

“And I hope you heal from gargling Marvel’s balls.”

“Y’know, I still cannot believe you don’t like Batman, Stan. Like you are literally a DICK GRAYSON variant!”

“Woah, you said Dick with a loooot of confidence. Watch out; people might think you’re gaaaa—“

*kyle mad as hell bc he got dusted by his sbbf*

“Yeah, very funny, Stan. It’ll be way funnier when I bury this shithole on Yelp when I accuse you of a hate crime.”

“Okay, concept: hear me out. No hate crimes, just…” “Date Time?”

*stan vana white hand flourish w the emo boy rings*

“How about…we call you in some chicken strips, curly fries an—“

“CANIHAVEACHER—“

*absolutely feral diabetes boy behavior*

“Yes, oh my goood, you fucking FIEND…You can have a cherry coke. But…BUT! it has to be MEDIUM, KP! M e d i u m! Last time you had a large you got totally cracked out on liquid candy carbonation and started talking CRAZY. Like, you literally sounded like a cult leader. I thought you were going to start having religious visions and shit; it was scary.”

*stan shiny eyes emoji*

“Then…can we pleaaaase eat at the pond?! Please, please, please? I bought a mason jar full of oats in my backpack so I could feed the ducks! The little ones are soooo cut—“

“You remembered a lunch for the DUCKS and not yourself?!” “Ugh, and Stan, I HATE Stark’s Pon—“

*three fingers in the air assistant troop leader stan vc scouts honor*

“I promise to protect you from children, frisbees, the elderly, unpredictable water fowl and people with petitions…Do we have a deal, Kyle Pile?”

*oh no not the eyelash flutter...its super effective*

“…If one of those sick, feathered fucks bites me or shits on me, I’m turning that pond into duck soup.”

“YAY!” “Okay, let’s go. Hold my hand?”

“Stan, are you five years old?”

*stanley marsh signature pout...ur litrally proving his point bff*

“Kyle, you KNOW crossing the street freaks me out.” “Now hold my freaking hand, Assface!”

*aw romance*

“Wooooow, trying so hard to hold my hand. Watch out; people might think you’re gaaaa—“

*stan like five centimeters away from kyles mouth*

“…P l e a s e, baby?”

*more extremely nervous flustered kyle stuttering*

“I—W-whatever.” “There, happy?”

“Extremely.”

“Your hands are sweaty.”

“You make me nervous.”

*bebe vc* And Scene ;)

#aw...true love #bestie im sorry this is not my finest work but i hope u laugh thank u for buying me lunch #SPEAKING OF BUYING PEOPLE LUNCH kyle remembering stans crunchy boy lil lunch order...AW STAN CALLING KYLE HIS KY TEA LIKE PLS #idk why i put stan in a crop top but also i know he looked good kyle was mad as hell and wanted to makeout abt it smh #they really do b bickering like an old married couple #THEY HAVE THE DC MARVEL FIGHT EVERY DAMN DAY ITS SO UNSERIOUS #them being like damn thats pretty gay bro watch it bro people might think ur gay bro #my sons...who i raised...myself...with sharon and shelia...amen...<3 #THEM DOING THE MMKAY CALL AND RESPONSE IS LIKE THEIR RUNNING INSIDE JOKE #kyle talks abt recycling and stans like im going to do terrible and obscene things to u in the stock room...smh

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