#its just. I love the friendship so much it was genuinely made me cry before
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not diagnosing anyone but lee know has made me so much more confident to be visibly autistic in my day to day life
#like. just by being who he is#helped me realise that I can unmask#and if I can't feel comfortable unmasking around my friends#or stimming#or setting boundaries that may seem strange to allistics#then maybe im not the problem#and just. thank you leeknow#and this goes for the rest of the members as well#they just set such an amazing example of a friend group who accepts each other as they are#its just. I love the friendship so much it was genuinely made me cry before#sapphicminho says things#lee know#stray kids#skz#autism
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This Week in BL - It's weird where I am right now, Okay?
Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.
Oct 2023 Wk 4
Only a few screen shots for you this week, my hotel wifi is actually THAT bad.
Ongoing Series - Thai
My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Classic unlucky in love failed crush on straight bestie = both v queer and v emo yaoi. I gotta say I like these actors way better in this than their previous series, and maybe that’s because Tew is more like Tul and I just like Meen better when he’s… erm… mean. All of which is to say, this is off to a wonderful start and I am about to lose my very sleep deprived little mind... ready for a ABL ecstasy rant?
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN.
"I play support because that way everyone is happy to see me show up," might be the single best moment of characterization BL has EVER seen.
Look here, in the grand cornucopia of BL universes this is my metaverse. It's pulp... but relatively high production. It has an established pair that I know I like... but who were given crap before. It's a tidy little script, it's not gonna run too long, and it's ALL the archetypes and tropes I love but rarely see. It's Japan's style otaku plus Korea's style gangster, Thailand's style friendship group, and it arrived out of NOWHERE. It's Korea's IP & money, Thailand's talent, and China's streaming service.
Do we know what the hell is going on?
No we do not.
Do we care when it's this much fun?
No we do not.
(In this I speak for everyone... no, EVERYONE.)
This show I why I got into BL.
Don't bother me with trifles. Me and My Dear Gangster Oppa are sailing off into the infinite pixilated sunset together, thank you very much.
Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - I managed to watch most of it on low rez before YT "discovered" I was in Asia and therefore could not be allowed to watch Asian shows. (AKA my VPN failed me.) But it seemed like a good ep.
My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 10 of 24 - I enjoyed this 2 part installment, it’s a bit of a sad sack recovery SAGA, but the acting is genuine, the couple believable, and the story felt particularly queer to me. 7/10 but close to an 8. It was really quite charming.
However: Next week looks not good on many levels - it's horror and I spotted guitar. Which is even more horrific.
Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - do temporal paradoxes exist in Thailand? That is the question. I gotta say Tor (Ongsa) is carrying this show and is doing a really great job, it's just the story itself doesn't resonate with me. Ugh it's so sad.
Is it, indeed, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
We only on ep 5 and had a full story arc already, there is A LOT more to go.
Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 9 of 10 eps - the fact that in losing Sky Venus also lost his surrogate family explains his resulting bitterness a little bit more. I wish we had gotten this back story much earlier. Still stupid pulp made me cry, which of course means it's back in my good books. This story is slow as fuck, but I'm going on a rollercoaster with it.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 11 of 13(?) - I love them, okay? All of them. This is a great sappy classic Taiwanese BL and it is my baby and you can’t take it away from me. MINE.
You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 8 of 10 - oh noes it got sad, I thought they would at least would have had drunken sex before the drama. Sigh. Still the kissing was good, as it should be from Taiwan.
If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - Amane is so brave. About being gay. Being out. Confessing. Its admirable if scary. Otherwise this ep was pretty slow.
Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 3-4 of 8 - how do I feel about this show? Conflicted. Are OnlyOneOf doing a great job? Yes, actually. Am I enjoying it? No, not really. Is this anyone's fault? I don't think so.
The little linguistic negotiation was cute tho. And we seem to have gotten idols kissing in a BL both in the same group, so that glass ceiling dildo has finally been broken.
NineMill are unexpectedly good, also KB plays a great evil ex. Of the 3, I think only Nine is good enough to go into acting permanently (but he's not tall enough). Still, all hail OnlyOneOf... kings of the "gay concept." You boys make me v nervous but as couple-branding goes, you just out branded Thailand. Mad props baibies. Legit never thought I'd see the day.
Trust Korea to be in it to win it.
Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - i pretty much just forgot to watch this.
It's Airing But...
I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch and do a series review in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.
Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed but I couldn't catch the last ep, my final thoughts in Nov.
Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - completed, but see afore mentioned YT issues. I'll review it in Nov. I anticipate better internet soon.
What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.
I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached.
Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.
One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - adaptation of Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like) about a convenience store clerk who's stabbed, nearly dies, and returns home to find an angel waiting for him. With only 5 eps and a good chance this won’t end happy, I'm gonna wait and let you tell me how it goes.
Next Week Looks Like This
Upcoming October BL
10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 1 of 14 - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.
Upcoming November BL
11/3 Twins the series (Thailand ????) 1 of 10
11/17 Pit Babe (Thai) - Pavel my love!
11/19 Bake Me Please (OhmFluke but not, Thailand)
11/22 7 Days Before Valentine (Thailand) - horroresk
11/25 The Sign (Thailand) - horroresk
11/30 For Him the series (Thailand) - high heat
VIP Only (Taiwan) - may be delayed/canceled
Cooking Crush (OffGun, Thailand) - may be delayed, there some kinda gossip/rumor/shade happening at GMMTV
Wuju Bakery AKA Space Bakery (Korea) - this one may be DOA
2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
My Universe - I just enjoyed the angle of this kiss shot.
Uh huh. Sure, honey. (Bump Up Buisness)
COULD THIS EXPLAIN THE SNUFFLE KISS?!!!!
(Last week)
#this week in bl#My Dear Gangster Oppa#may be the greatest thing ever to happen to me#My Universe: Lucky Love#My Universe the series#TulHin#Meen Nichakoon#thai bl#Venus in the Sky#Bump Up Buisness#Korean BL#OnlyOneOf#japanese bl#taiwanese bl#upcoming bl 2023#november bl#Kiseki: Dear to Me
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Hello, I hope you are doing well!! I am going to add into the growing pile of asks in your inbox, but I need to get this out of my system!! Seeing these new images (and the season 3 announcement) has watered my crops, cleared my skin and all that jazz ✨🌟 both of them look soo happy and soppy and smitten and I really can't stop smiling at those pics... They radiate warmth (and are a far cry from the last pics of MS we got) and the best thing is, the people around them are looking like '😏😏 yes homo 🏳️🌈? If it is then good for them, good for them' (I even edited the pics XD)
Would love to hear more of your thoughts on this and I hope you have a nice holiday season (if you celebrate). Cheers 🥂
(Grouping these all together for ease of answering.)
Good lord, my inbox has completely blown up since last night. I can see we've all been greatly affected by the photo(s) of Michael and David at the Donmar, and there is surely much to discuss.
I think I am losing my shit just slightly too, so I am with you, @enchantingdefendorarbiter. What a joyous turn of events--opening night of Macbeth and Michael in (almost) the front row watching David with rapt attention, and someone somehow capturing the exact moment when they lock eyes from across the room in a "movie moment" made into genuine reality.
When I first saw the picture last night, I was so struck by the intimacy of it. Part of me wonders if this is due to the actual space--the Donmar is such a small theatre that lends itself to intimacy just by its nature, with the audience being so close to the stage and the performers. But there is no denying the intimacy that exists between Michael and David themselves--deep friendship, certainly, yes, but after looking at this photo, unquestionably the possibility of more.
As I've said before, I will not ever tell anyone that they have to ship Michael and David. It is absolutely correct for people to look at this picture and see best friends, because they are best friends. But being best friends and falling in love aren't mutually exclusive, nor does the possibility become closed off just because both of them are in other relationships.
So, intimacy. Another thing that intimacy can mean is feeling comfortable enough to show your feelings openly. That was what also struck me about last night, was that this was so public, and yet we got this (non-staged, non-planned) picture of Michael and David looking at each other ostensibly the same way they do when they're alone together. In this instance, maybe they thought no one was paying attention, but more significantly, they don't seem to care either way.
I think we think of "being in love" as this big, grand thing that exists the way it does in the movies. But in real life, being in love isn't just one specific thing, or specifically saying "I am in love with you." Being in love can also be I am looking at you like this right now because I don't know any other way to look at you. And that can be in private, or it can be in the middle of a crowded theatre, proudly letting the world see what you feel without apology.
(I also agree with you, @yami-no-kokoro, that the new pictures of Michael (which to answer your question @angelsandfelines are indeed from last night) are worlds away better than the ones we saw of him at a previous event. I am never not moved by the difference between Michael smiling his 'showbiz' smile versus smiling his real, genuine smile, and I love that that's what we got last night and that he was beaming so brightly because of David.)
To your comment, @phantomstars24, I could very much see that as well. Because last night felt and still feels like it was David and Michael's night. It felt like something took center stage in a new and painfully lovely way. It felt like Michael could go to David's dressing room with flowers and wine, and that they could sit on the couch and snog slowly and sweetly while Michael holds David in his arms and no one would blink a damn eye. And that is truly a beautiful thing.
So yes, those are my additional thoughts on the Macbeth press night. I have to do some traveling today, but I will try my best to answer the other Asks still waiting in my inbox. Thank you all for writing in and sharing your thoughts! x
#yami-no-kokoro#enchantingdefendorarbiter#angelsandfelines#phantomstars24#reply post#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#macbeth#donmar warehouse#honestly if what we saw last night isn't being in love i'm not sure what is#an entire theatre full of people and it's like they're the only ones there#siri play 'I Only Have Eyes for You' by The Flamingos#a friendship that's become something more#they are perfect together your honor#i love them#and i love that they love each other#ineffable lovers#good omens rpf#discourse
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Top 5 Lymond ships?
I’m going to keep this to romantic* ships, but my list of top 5 Lymond relationships of any kind definitely includes some platonic and family ones (and is even more difficult to confine to 5).
*other or additional adjectives may certainly apply…
click below for spoilers and because my answers got long. Augh, these characters!
Francis/Will - The nicknames! The fights! The stars! Strip tarocco and its narrative implications! Then the wedding day sheep battle, the tactical cross-dressing, “everything there was to know about Lymond’s way with women” ?!?!, the ring, the way Will is there at Midculter when Francis comes home in DK… They’re such a disaster, in hilarious and serious ways, but they make it through to real trust and friendship in the end, and I just love them.
Francis/Philippa - Their relationship is always important and telling and entertaining, and after a certain point but before the suffering sets in, they just keep making each other smile and laugh, by accident and on purpose. Reading their scenes in RC is like genuinely being in the room with them, with banter and chemistry that is PALPABLE and makes me into a third wheel, but as a reader I also have insights that they don’t, so I’m in on it too? Or something. They love each other so much! And after everything, they get to be together. Francis, you fool, this is what you should be!
Francis/Jerott - if you’d told me when I was in the middle of reading the series that they’d be on this list, I’d be like, “Uh, ok, sure. Dorothy Dunnett has changed my opinion about characters before.” If you'd told me when I had just finished the series, I’d go, “Huh??” But here I am. There is so much wrong with both of them, and we know it all too well, but they are so important to each other, and Jerott is one of the characters closest to the story's heart. Getting Jerott safely out of the disaster that is DK is one of the things Francis promises himself, and he’s so glad when Jerott decides to stay. Their relationship, especially in PiF, becomes deeply devoted and strange and delicate and absolutely full of self-deception on both sides. But Francis never stops trusting him, even when he’s busy running away from all of his own feelings with increasing speed, even when Jerott is being awful to him. And all the desperate conflict within Jerott distills to the essential element of being there for Francis, every time it comes down to it. Also, the way Jerott calls him his first name more than anyone else (on-page, in the series’ scope) messes me up.
Marthe/Güzel - I REALLY wish we’d gotten to see more of them. For Marthe, PiF is (among many other things) this long, agonizing breakup, but we only get a few clear glimpses of it. That scene between them in Djerba! Marthe plays a song wishing misfortune on the brother she knows her girlfriend is zeroing in on, and she cries because Güzel has happiness (does she though 😬) and she has none! And I cry too! And the whole mess that web of relationships becomes is fascinating (and one of the clearest examples of how queer these books are, yay), and there's also the parallels with Francis and Margaret, to consider? Anyway, to quote @sophosthewisebunny, Marthe deserves better than the shadiest bitch in the Mediterranean/someone who would leave her for her brother, but their relationship is very interesting.
Francis/Güzel - Rereading RC, every scene between them made me feel dead inside, while also making me want to run around screaming and then return to my book to savor every word. There’s so much going on with them, hardly any of it good, and since I was just thinking about the previous ship on the list, I have to wonder how their relationships to Marthe affect how they relate to each other, because that’s an interesting question, too.
honorable mention to Francis/Míkál, entirely because of this, and Francis -ahem- Lymond/Richard Chancellor, because another thing that happened as I was rereading RC was that I realized just how much I’d missed about how important they are to each other, in such a rare and needed way (the first time, I was busy losing it about the brother prophecy and yelling at Francis to be friends with Adam and Alec again).
#4/5 of these involve Lymond but that's how it goes sometimes#i feel like there are some more obscure ships that have captivated me conceptually#but i'm not thinking of them now#on reflection ... if it WAS just top five relationships it would still probably be these first three#plus francis & marthe and francis & richard#in terms of total thoughts and feelings#lymond#top five list#ok I’ll stick this in my tags for#will scott#marthe#jerott blyth#but you (hypothetical tag reader) don’t know exactly HOW now do you??!!#jk these are all tried and true
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august - fic recs (mature edition)
hi hello and welcome to my first rec list! as i said in previous posts, ill be doing a monthly rec list divided in two posts, a gen/teen and a mature/explicit version (if i have enough fics) and a masterpost where i link all my lists
fandom wise itll probably be all over the place, but i will add the length, important warnings, links and some comments on every fic so u may check them all out!
now without further ado
Fandom: DC
Some Magnetic Way I Move by Shenanigans
words: 11,224 (perfect for an evening)
rating and warnings: M, sexual content (not necessarily pleasant), recommend checking the tags seriously on this one
relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
summary: roy is a kid who wonders near the ocean without any pirpose in life when he meets a creature that seems too good to be true, then life gets in the way, and roy gets in his own way even harder
notes: this fic has been obsessing me since i read it the first time, its dark and fucked up and completely too easy to get absorbed into, roy is a complicated, messed up man with a shitty life and a tendency to completely destroy himself and you cannot look away from him
this story moves along several years of roys life and his growth or lack thereof and its so easy to get lost in the pacing of this fic and just enjoy the ride, as hard as it gets
literally no need to know anything about dc, just read it and thank me later
Heroes of the Squared Circle by Mithen
words: 226,687 (yes, i wrote that right, it takes a good week)
rating and warnings: M, sexual content (theres one whole scene in a thousand pages), nothing past canon typical violence
relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
summary: clark is a wrestler, so he follows his heart and joins a promotion where he meets bruce, cue their adventures as they work their way through a retelling of the best dc moments: wrestling edition
notes: OKAY HEAR ME OUT i did not like wrestling before i started this fic, i took a minute to get into it, the moment i got into it i could not stop
this is one of the most fun, most detailed, most passioned fics ive ever read, a love letter to dc and wrestling so vivid and transparent that it genuinely made me excited for it too, all the characters are treated with love and care and the main relationship is so exciting, u can feel the love they hold for each ohter but never overshadows the wonderfully crafted story and the genuinely engaging plot
(cried at the end cause of how much i loved it. i dont cry)
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Below the Sun by CSHfic, VSfic
words: 24,853 (can be read in a long afternoon)
rating and warnings: M, no sexual content, i would consider it T but there is a good amount of injuries
relationships: Sokka/Zuko
summary: sokka and zukko get stranded on an island after a shipwreck and have to learn not to be at each others throats while waiting for rescue
notes: heartwarming and weirdly peaceful, though the inherent anxiousness of sokka being stranded and injured with an enemy nearby does get to you, easy to read and easy to love, honestly a good time through and through and a good reflection on friendship
if you havent watched atla (watch it) you can read this anyway, only minimum knowledge is required for this fic
Fandom: Modern Warfare
i like you alive by kaijusalad
words: 11,254 (another afternoon read)
rating and warnings: M, graphic violence and injuries, no sexual content
relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley
summary: soap gets really injured in a mission and ghost has to get him out of there, somehow keep him awake, try not to die, and not panic and he is partially failing
notes: intense high-stakes fic, graphic and heart-wrenching and yet somehow very warm, incredibly easy to start praying for ghosts success cause hes... hes trying so hard! once you start reading you wont be able to stop until u reach the end, also anyone typing out accents has my unconditional love
no previous knowledge needed to read this fic, just brace yourselves (btw i dont know why but the tags in this fic are so funny to me)
Doing Time by MildLimerence
words: 53,566 (takes 2 or 3 days)
rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content plus graphic violence, both to a preeeetty fucking explicit level so please check the tags
relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley
summary: in a world where soulmates are scarce and sometimes even dangerous to other people or themselves, soap ends up getting himself arrested cause his mark makes him go a bit wild and, to his horror, activates when he finally arrives at prison
notes: listen, i hate soulamates (i love you on purpose) but theres something about the way this author writes them that gets me, the connection between soulmates is more of a telepathic, magnetic connection and the lack of it can make soulmates go completely feral, its not the beautiful thing everyone thinks it is
dont want to spoil much but dont be fooled by the summary, this baby has a whole plot prepared and though the dynamic between characters and dark elements are incredibly fun on their own, i ended up getting actually really hooked by the plot, reeeeally fun read
knowing who the characters are makes it an easier read but i dont think youll get lost if you dont
Fandom: Supernatural
like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers
words: 31,587 (takes a couple days, def a couple breaks)
rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content, not all of it fun, gets pretty dark so check the tags and the authors notes
relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
summary: dean used to turn tricks to make sure he had enough money to care for his brother, now that he has met cas, his issues with intimacy resurface with a vengeance
notes: not an easy fic to read, heavy topics are touched and you feel genuinely bad for dean but the characterization is so perfect that i tend to think of deans past here as canon, as messed up as it is
even though the topics are dark, the fic doesnt dwell on the worst stuff, there are no scenes written for shock value, its a tasteful take on dark topics, its just heartbreaking and powerful, it will make you root for the main characters, hard
if you dont know these characters you may be pretty lost but you definitely only need a basic idea of the show
#fic rec#dont know how to tag this so feel free to tell me#also feel free to send a message with how to make lists better! ill be doing them for as long as i can
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ten books 2 know me!
thank for you the tag @pancakehouse @fruity-individual @serethereal @rollercoasterwords !
-> skulduggery pleasant, derek landy.
starting with this one because this WAS my childhood i was. i never read percy jackson never read twilight read [redacted] and it wasnt even good but my dad thought id like these so he bought me the first skulduggery pleasant one day...oh man oh boy...these were. i was eight queuing up outside a whsmith with a schoolbag full of books for the author's booksigning...also he was so nice ta derek x
-> giovanni's room, james baldwin.
cannot get into this too much before i start wailing and biting and stuff but well. giovanni's room is my favourite book of all time i read most of it. last year in june laying on brighton beach while the sun was going down and i have never recovered from and will you bring me home again / yes. i'll bring you home again since and fear i never will. also! first james baldwin book i read who has come to be an author whose writing style i adore and carry in my mind whenever i try to write something myself.
-> young mungo, douglas stuart.
not the first book i ever cried at but. first book i ever experienced disgusting full body sobs while reading and fierce competitor also for. my favourite book. had to reread so much of those final pages because i couldnt concentrate with all the crying and after that i am so excited to never have to experience the physical chest-aching worry that i did for the duration of reading this. also i think the very quiet way love is written here through. very trivial small things is something i loved very much and that has stayed with me!
-> wuthering heights, emily bronte.
read this when i was about eleven, and then again a few weeks ago with my mum (whose favourite book it is) and it was still so. absolutely sickening i just think its excellent xx and without it we wouldn't have kate bush's 1978 single wuthering heights so xx think on that xx
-> the autobiography of malcom x, alex haley.
when i was a child my younger sister joined a sunday league football team and my dad used to give her a tenner every time she scored a goal. to even things out since i refused to get up at the arsecrack of dawn to contract hypothermia on a frozen football pitch, he started giving me books exclusively on malcolm x to read and would give me a tenner every time i finished one. this one was the first i read and was indeed the first book that ever made me cry at the end xx
-> my brilliant friend, elena ferrante.
so many of these are recent reads because it was only jan 2022 that i made a genuine effort to get back into reading for leisure and mbf is no different but well. the way friendship is written here is just unhinged and incredible and the series in general so far has been. there is nothing like it i fear
-> the raven boys, maggie steifvater.
gansey unfortunately.
-> macbeth, william shakespeare.
okay i know i know but. when you are studying it in englit class for your gcse it might as well be a book innit. anyway of all the texts i did for english both at gcse + a level macbeth is still my favourite and probably the most effort i ever put into an english essay. special shoutout to frankenstein which i can enjoy in hindsight but unfortunately it fucked me on the exam so out of bitterness it doesnt get a place here x
-> the secret history, donna tartt.
i did inhale this book but also it gets a place purely for being my first exposure to donna tartt's writing and style in general which is so very distinctive and has. undoubtedly had an effect on me for better or for worse we shall one day see but for now. who can say!
-> foster, claire keegan.
it is a little pamphlet of a book at eighty six pages but. i read it just over a month ago and havent properly stopped thinking about it since it was just everything quiet + mundane + understated that makes my brain start sparking and whirring and. im bringing it on holiday in the summer so i can read it again in the appropriate season xx
tagging. but no pressure. @gaewaren @dykefever @emerqldv @fastasyoucan1999 @forlorngarden @writteninverses @boyjoan !!
#also it doesnt quite earn a place but the enemy series by charlie higson? no one ever seemed to read those but that was my fucking last of#us. that was my mazerunner. that was my dystopian YA (bar the hunger games okay yeah i was a hunger games girl wasnt everyone)#considered putting the beatles in their generation on here but managed to avoid it thank god. also no future by matthew worley#which was a dense slog into british punk as a politics and youth subculture but also well i learned a lot about my favourite topic#tag game#reading tag#will b fun to see how i would do this a little while on from now. like what maintains its spot + what gets bumped n stuff
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41, Iroha/Sana (Magia Record)
Me not mentioning many specifics because I haven't read arc two yet, and it's been a while since I read arc one.
------
If you asked Sana what her favorite type of cat would be, she might say it was a soft, gentle gray one like Miss Purrs had been, but in reality, she wasn’t exactly picky. She just loved cats.
Maybe it was that there was something about them that she saw in herself; they seemed at first shy, like they wanted to be alone, but when you reached out to them, when you offered them your companionship and were genuine about it, they loved intensely.
If Sana could make those she cared for as happy as the affection of a cat made her, she’d consider it a job well done. It was hard though. Sometimes, she felt as if she took much more than she gave. Iroha and the other girls of Mikazuki Villa were always there for her; when she struggled, when she bled, when she just needed to cry. Iroha usually caught on when she was sad, sometimes even before Sana realized how upset she was herself.
It didn’t necessarily take anything specific to make Sana sad. There were days she just woke up with a deep melancholy in her heart, and nothing could shake it. On those days she felt particularly useless. She knew she was welcome. She knew she was loved, but— had she earned that?
Yesterday had been one of those days. She woke up feeling as if her head was throbbing, but it wasn’t a physical ache; it was an imaginary pressure that seemed to almost overwhelm her. Things felt blurry and frustrating, sad yet numb. She wondered if this was common for other people. She didn’t think it was. If only she could have slept the day away.
She went to bed early that night.
Iroha had clearly noticed, as she dragged her to Kamihama’s newest cat cafe the next morning. One good thing about being invisible was that it meant she didn’t have to pay admission, so at the very least, she didn’t also have to be a financial burden on her friends. The cats were so cute, and all of them were up for adoption as well. Sana longed to adopt one of her own, but she refused to even bring up the possibility until she could pay for it herself.
She sat next to Iroha on a small, soft bench that doubled as cat furniture. A fluffy orange cat was spread across both their laps. Its purrs were steady, calming. Iroha had rested her head on Sana’s shoulder, which caused a flush to rise up on the younger girl’s cheeks.
“Iroha-san…” she finally said.
“Hmm?” Iroha responded. She was tired. Unlike Sana, she’d stayed up late the night before.
“Thank you for doing all of this for me,” she replied, and her voice wavered, but she tried to keep it steady. “I-I sometimes think I ask too much of you.”
“Sana-chan, you didn’t even ask me to do this,” Iroha let out a light laugh.
Sana waved her hands in front of her. “I know, I know! But you always notice when I’m sad and try to help me with that.”
Iroha looked confused for a moment, then smiled and sat back up. She took Sana’s hands between hers. “That’s what friends do.”
Sana shook her head. “But you do so much more for me than I do for you.”
Iroha went quiet for a few seconds. The orange cat took that chance to bat Sana’s arm, and she reached down and gave it a scratch behind the ears. At least cats could see her.
“Do you know how when we fight witches and uwasa, we don’t just take turns attacking, but instead we attack based on what’s needed at that time?” Iroha asked. Sana nodded. “So sometimes, we’ll finish a battle and Tsuruno-chan will have done a lot more of the fighting than Felicia-chan, or you’ll have done more than me, but we still treat it like we won as a group.”
Sana looked nonplussed, but nodded again.
“I think friendship is like that,” Iroha said. “I’m… a little new to it myself, but it seems to me it’s not just trading off back and forth. Sometimes one person needs to help a little more.” She smiled brightly. “But I like you, so it makes me happy to do that. Plus, all the things we do together are fun. I’m not going to complain about going to a cat cafe!”
“I don’t know…”
“And also, I know that someday, it might be different.”
“What do you mean?” Sana asked, her mouth dropping open in surprise.
“I mean that there will be times where someone else needs more help than you do, and during those times, I know that you’ll be there for them.” Iroha smiled and squeezed Sana’s hands.
“Y-yes, yes of course I would be!” Sana nodded resolutely, firm and full of conviction.
And Iroha leapt forward and wrapped her arms around Sana’s shoulders, careful not to disrupt the happy orange cat that shared their laps. Sana melted into the embrace; so warm, so fond, like a kitten kiss or cup of hot cocoa in her mug back at Mikazuki Villa. She would be there for Iroha and her friends when she was needed, no matter what was needed, and she held that promise in the deepest part of her heart.
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every book i read in september 2023
i did in fact bring this back because i thought it would be fun and all my followers should know that before everything, i am a book nerd. i genuinely think i only feel like i'm alive when i'm reading regularly. no spoilers for any of the books i talk about because i can only have one cut per post
before i get into the books here's some general info on reading stuff this month. so i read 9 books which i'm really proud of myself for after being in a reading slump for ages. i was still reading then but i really was not enjoying myself nearly as much as i was in previous months and i'm really enjoying myself now. 5 of the books i read were physical copies of them, 1 was an ebook, and 3 were audiobooks. my average rating was 4.29/5 and read a total of 13.78 hours on audiobook and 2476 of pages shout out to storygraph for all this info i am telling you use storygraph if you want to track your reading its so great
the cruel prince. i really liked this surprisingly??? the worldbuilding was great and i loved all the political aspects of it. jude was a really interesting main character and i had a lot of fun with the story (especially the plot twist/s, no i'm not saying if there's more than one). i liveblogged a couple parts of the entire series this month so you can check my tfota tag for more in depth thoughts
the lost sisters. it was pretty interesting to see the plot of the cruel prince from the perspective of a different character but i didn't think much about my enjoyment of it since i was just reading it for more info on the series lol
captain stone's revenge. so i went on a nancy drew diaries binge once and i've been keeping up with the series ever since then just because, and i had a hold on this book for like 2 months at the library and i finished it in a day lol. it's a short book and definitely not as good as other books in the series but yk it wasn't awful still had fun reading
we are okay. this is one of my favorite books and i cried for 40 minutes straight as i finished the last like 50-80 pages. it's a really great exploration of different kinds of grief that are complicated and how it affects people. i posted while reading it "every chapter there's something that makes me take psychic damage" which was very fun but also deeply painful (in a fun way most of the time, sometimes i was in public trying not to cry). the ending is so hopeful it made me cry for a different reason why i was crying for the past 35ish minutes. it's a great book i highly recommend it it's only like 230 pages.
the wicked king. sequel to the cruel prince, i also really enjoyed this but i don't think i enjoyed it as much as the cruel prince. still well written though and i have more in depth thoughts under my tfota and/or reading commentary tags
queen of nothing. 100% my favorite from the trilogy i loved it i thought the characters and plot in this one were all super great and i loved the ending especially. i do have more detailed thoughts that i wrote down for me personally but this is a no spoilers section so i won't share it unless someone asks
cress. this is the 3rd book in the lunar chronicles series and aaaaaaa i loved this so much i had so much fun reading it i love the alternating povs and how they all end up clashing with the dramatic irony in that one scene i loved kai's povs i wanted to keep reading constantly i love these characters so much go read the lunar chronicles please
chalice of the gods. uhhh so i finished this in less than 12 hours i liveblogged it all i really enjoyed it you can see my thoughts there go check it out (cotg or reading commentary tag). a lot of cringe moments (WHY does he mention boomers so much) but i am choosing not to see it i only see percabeth and percy grover friendship content again and i enjoyed reading it
daisy jones and the six. i listened to this on audiobook and it was incredibleeeeeeee the voice actors were amazing it was so entertaining. another taylor jenkins reid book about the drama between famous people and it was very entertaining to read about. stressful at times but overall i liked it. once again there are some notes in the reading commentary tag
i also started winter this month but i am definitely finishing it in october so i don't count it lol
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I need to do more with Vince's and Judy's friendship, because however unlikely it seems with their backgrounds, they bond over so many little things. Their love for tech, being into the same kind of music, fed up and disillusioned with Night City (but while for Judy it is the healthier choice to leave, Vince has more of a support system around him and actually feels at home in NC). Being two smol and angry queers xD
I recently replayed Pisces, and in my first PT I didn't side with Maiko, because I wanted Judy to be happy... this time I did (withthout taking her money) bc it felt more IC for Vince, even though he was full-on prepared for Judy to end their friendship then and there if he did. But there is such a nice dialogue option in their convo afterwards (dunno if it was Corpo-specific, but it went sth like "the first to die in a revolution are the revolutionaries", and that change needs to be gradual), and it was kind of depressing but so fitting for him. At that point he's genuinely so worried Judy is in over her head, like he's been before, and he doesn't want sth bad to happen to her, even if it means he'll lose her as a friend. And I loved her reaction to it too, still kind of disappointed, but understanding his side and reasoning, cause I'd full on expected her to give him a good talking to xD
They mirror and compliment the other so well, and with the whole Relic crap going on, and after losing Jackie, Vince didn't really want to let anyone new into his life anymore, cause he feels like he brings others bad luck. See also what happened to the Aldecaldos because he had started meddling in their affairs.
But Judy shows him that it's still worth it, no matter what'll happen, that it's good to have friends to support you through the darkest shit. And he gives her the right push to realise that NC is slowly killing her and taking matters into her own hands, and idk... her arc is so bittersweet and her last quest made me cry so hard, ugh, I love it.
Idk I love the idea of her coming back now and then to visit, them going out to party and having fun (and pretending to be the others output/input to ward off other people's unwanted advances xD) I hc for Judy to meet a nice, bubbly and sweet nomad gal on her travels and falling for her hard and fast, her giving Judy all the love and support she deserves. And I'd love for Vince to eventually find the time to actually stop and think and breathe for a moment and visit Judy wherever she's up to at the moment. Get some distance between himself and the city and its darkness now and then, too.
Idk I just love them so much ;_;
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Taskmaster series 14
I was excited for this series when the line up was announced. I've been a fan if Sarah and Dara for years, and it made me so happy they were put on the same series. I'd vaguely heard of Munya and Fern, but not seen any of their stuff, while John was new to me. What a nice surprise John was, in an 'absolutely hopeless man' way, I fell for him completely.
I'm honestly surprised that Dara lose his shit more, but god I enjoyed the times he did. I thoroughly enjoyed this series. I loved watching the friendship between Munya and John develop.
Top 3 tasks
There were so many tasks I loved in this series, it was hard to pick just 3.
pick up both milk bottles and hold them directly above the microwaves
"Whats your name?" "John" "Starsign?" "Kearns" I do love John's regret system of putting the worst one's high up. I understand the angst on whether or not to open the task. I probably would have ripped it open, thinking what Alex said was tricksy, and instantly regretted it. Sarahs description of what happens when she drinks milk is...ew. But I love that it was her who thought to empty the cartons. Especially that it was revealed in a later task that it stank the lab out. Daras mini breakdown when he realised he had fucked the task was beautiful . "What, wait? Wait, what? What, wait?"
Get this feather into the bath
Daras immediate anger at John when he tried to move the feather on the cushion was great. It was another task where I was so glad that Dara was put on the same team as John and Fern, they're my favourite team. The combination of them losing the feather and Fern dropping the feather after they’d travelled so far was *chefs kiss* . Dara just loosing his shit laughing in the studio was unsurprising but hilarious. And don’t forget: “with our infinite plates” “there were 12 plates”
I was curious all through Munya and Sarah’s attempt. I loved their communication with each other despite not being able to speak. Which made it so much funnier that they took nearly 25 minutes to complete the task. You have to give them credit for sticking to their guns with the leaf blower.
Write a one-minute one-person play/Stage and perform this one-minute one-person play.
Ferns impression of Sarah’s accent is brilliant, especially as Sarah genuinely enjoyed it. The fact both women did plays about cats is brilliant. Munyas performance of Ferns was great, it was s dramatic. Compare that to Sarah performing Munyas ‘play’, is it any wonder he did so badly in this task? I mean, the ping pong balls? No wonder Sarah was livid. Why, WHY, was John so Southern? Daras script was the best if you ask me. And his acting was the best, especially with so few lines.
Shoutout to the second live task where they had to get Greg to say their word, because Jesus christ I was crying laughing at it.
Contestants
John
Fern
Munya
Dara
Sarah
I think its the first time the one(s) I've been fans of before are right down the bottom, but that's no insult to them, I loved all of them.
Series 13
Series 15
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Okay I just saw your “Top Non-BL Asian TV Shows” list bc I was looking through the Love O2O tag (as one does) and I need to know if you have one for top BL Asian shows bc I’m obsessed.
Hello my dear anon! Sorry it took a few days to get to this. My brain has not been braining BUT I have a list for you! Before I get started though, I did make a list of my top BL from 2022 and there is definitely going to be some overlap there.
Anyway. This is in no way a comprehensive list and it's just gonna be in alphabetical order. I also couldn't limit myself to ten this time, so you're going to get 15. This got really long so it's going under a cut:
A Tale of 1000 Stars - This show is one of my all time favorite BLs. The story was so well told and the acting was phenomenal. Genuinely, this show almost made me cry (in a good way). I got real close and if you know me, that's impressive. This show is pretty close to flawless for me and it is the show I used to introduce my mom to BL and now she's seen a whole lot and loves it like I do. So this show will always have a special place in my heart.
2. Bed Friend - I went into this show expecting to mostly enjoy it but I was fully expecting it to be a trash watch. What I didn't expect was a beautifully told story about trauma and how that can impact relationships and how patience and kindness and support, genuine support, is a fundamental piece of loving someone. Truly astonishing. Blew me out of the water.
3. Cherry Magic - This show is so incredibly wholesome and cute. I love the premise and I always appreciate when we get shows about adults. Adachi and Kurosawa are so precious and adorable and truly the only people deserving of each other. No one else could possibly deserve the love and light of those two. Plus I love our aroace girlie. She deserves the world. I know Thailand is doing a remake of this show and I'm skeptical but hopeful. We'll see.
4. DNA Says Love You - I'm not sure if I actually classify this as BL but it is very queer and the friendships are solid. One of the best friend groups and such a compelling story. It took me a minute to get into it cause the first few episodes aren't the best, but once the story starts taking off it's so, so good.
5. Ghost Host, Ghost House - This show came at the right time for me. It was so heartbreakingly beautiful. Our main couple gets a happy ending but the journey to get there is hard and honestly I was going through a lot when this was released and watching it was very cathartic for me. It helped give me an outlet to process grief I was going through.
6. Light on Me - The only good love triangle I have ever seen. Daon is my baby forever and always. I truly believe this show did so much for Korean BL and opened the doors for longer form BL out of Korea. The real selling point to this show for me is the characters. The story is cute, if basic, but the characters and their relationships and how the interact with each other is truly wonderful. The acting is phenomenal and everything about it is just so pretty.
7. Moonlight Chicken - This show has so much of what I look for in older, more serious shows. This show was perfect in its imperfectness. We got two generations of queer men in a family and we got to see how each reacted to the world and to their own queerness. We got deaf representation and a character learning sign language specifically to communicate. Heart's story with his parents was honestly beautiful and I think it was handled really well.
8. My School President - So cute. Just incredibly adorable. FourthGemini are honestly ridiculously talented for their age. I'm very excited to see what they do next. My only issue with this one was the sheer amount of singing, but at least it made sense with the plot and it was built in singing. Watching Tinn and Gun's story play out was a treat every week. There was not a single episode that was not enjoyable.
9. Old Fashion Cupcake - This is it for me. Absolute perfection. This is flawless episodes. I have no notes. I love this show. This is my top BL of all time. Everything about this is excellent. I don't even know how to properly discuss this because I love it so much.
10. Our Dating Sim - I'm not normally a fan of reunion stories but this one is fantastic. One of Korea's best. There's not a minute of wasted time.
11. Our Dining Table - This is the cutest, the most wholesome, the most darling, the most precious show ever created. I could not be mad watching this show. Even if certain people pissed me off, if I went home and turned on this show, my rage was calmed and I was happy again. I bought the first volume of the manga for this and I'm planning on buying the rest whenever I'm able.
12. Seven Days - This is probably the most underrated BL out there. It's cute, it's wholesome, the characters are amazing. Watching these two fall for each other is one of the best treats you can give yourself. I'm about to make my mom watch these two movies in the next few weeks and I cannot wait.
13. Sing My Crush - I loved this show oh so very much. I'm pretty sure I stayed up until like 2 one night binging it. It scratched a particular itch for me in the pining childhood friends to lovers. I just love them so much. The villain was a bit too...evil...for my taste but it worked. Plus, I genuinely didn't mind the singing here.
14. The Eighth Sense - This is just good. I'm not sure I classify it as BL but definitely queer. I tend to prefer shows that deal with trauma of some sort and this show does that and does it well. How many shows do we have where a character is actually seeing a therapist? Plus the patience and love that Ji Hyun had to Jae Won was just heartwarming. This show isn't just one of my favorite queer shows. It's one of my top 5 shows of all time.
15. Until We Meet Again - To me, this is THE BL. I cried multiple times. It's tough to get me to cry once let alone multiple times. I had already gotten into BL when I started watching this but I'd say this show was probably my full blow decent into madness. I think I watched all 17 episodes in the span of 3 days while working full-time. Overtime at that. I didn't sleep. One of the most beautiful stories ever written. I'm a sucker for reincarnation stories and this just..is so incredibly beautiful. It got me in my feels.
There ya have it. That's a list. Definitely not all, but I'd be listing forever and getting my executive to function enough to write this was hard enough. ps if you like Love O2O, the ML, Yang Yang is the main character in King's Avatar which was another show I put on my top non-BL shows but I rewatched it recently and I don't know what I was smoking when I wrote that list but that show is so incredibly gay. There's no canon romance but it's still very gay
#thanks for the ask#i will probably do a top 2023 bl once this year is done#also not mentioned here because it's not bl but oh no here comes trouble is also one of my favorite shows ever ever#i cant even explain what that show did for me#anyway i think next time i'm gonna need to be stricter with the parameters i set myself#because this was many
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Fish love
Kindly watch this video a couple of times before proceeding with reading this blog.
youtube
I was 17 when I first saw that interview. At the time, I could not make sense of the idea that the rabbi (Abraham J. Twerski, October 6, 1930–January 31, 2021) was trying to articulate, but I felt that there was a lot of depth and meaning behind his words. Today, I think I have an idea about what he wanted to share.
In the beginning, I believe that the concept of love that is being discussed could be projected to not only romantic relationships but even friendship and mentorship. I’ve had periods in my life in which the love and affection that I have had from certain friendships have brought me so much more fulfilment than any relationship I’ve ever had. Not to speak poorly of my past partners or detract from the value of the connection that we once had, but I have been genuinely blessed with a very few good friends and mentors who shaped my view on love in order for me to be capable of both receiving and reciprocating it in my own way.
Love and connection are undeniably some of the most precious sensations one could ever experience in their life. To feel connected with someone else, to invest a part of yourself into them, to witness the relationship growing, and to believe that you’ve made the right "investment" gives us a sense of stability and meaning in our lives. We are brought into life with (ideally) a modality of endless and infinite love from the side of our parents that will later shape our perception and approach to this value. We then go through the transition of engaging with the outer world and experimenting with what we have been taught and programmed to believe.
The harsh reality humbles us in the early stages and makes us realise that unconditional love is not the default form of connection that one will receive from their outer environment. That love comes at a cost. That value has to be provided (you need to bring something to the table) in order to receive your fair share of intimacy and connection. We go around the world believing that the highest forms of such pure value are embedded in the early model that we have experienced as infants: an endless and generous constant giving from the other side of the bargain, and we try our best to replicate that model into the present relations.
We look for that partner who would love us and bombard us with affection, or the circle that would genuinely appreciate our presence and accept us for who we are. We wish for that friend who would sit in the mud with us when things go bad and pat our back when things are going in our favour. We want to be accepted despite our flaws and shortcomings. We seek intimacy by all means.
The truth of the matter is that we missed a crucial aspect of this model. Which is the creation of an EGO that feeds off the praise and love received from others. The ego gets nourished upon recognition of its existence. At the early stages of their upbringing, the baby learns that saying their mother's name or mumbling some meaningless words gets them praise and an extra dose of attention. On the other hand, crying for no explicable reason or pulling grownups' hair gets them a negative reaction. As smart as babies can get, they start doing more of the stuff that gets them praise and less of what's frowned upon.
You grow into believing that the right way of behaving in the world is by doing more of what gets you the attention that you seek and that a boosted ego means a good way of being and acting in the world. Upon interacting with the outer world, you realise that everyone has an ego, and everyone is trying to boost it and navigate their reality through it (just like you!). You might not get the unconditional love that you think you deserve, but your tool for sensing the presence or absence of that love is your ego. And that's where the source of our suffering resides.
All of what your environment could offer you turns into a way of boosting that ego. The possessions that you own, the way you decide to present yourself to the world, and especially the connections you make throughout the course of your life. When you like someone, an aspect of you likes them for a certain (or many) quality in their character or something that makes them special, but a larger aspect is constantly thinking of what that person could offer us if we invested in them, if we could "have" them as a part of our world. The other becomes a tool for us to squeeze joy out of our experience in this physical world.
Don’t tell me you love the fish; you love yourself. And because fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water, killed it, and boiled it.... The other becomes a vehicle for my gratification.
I once read that the best way to judge the quality of a connection is to assess its ending (the way that both parts went their separate ways after the termination of the connection). Because at endings, interest dies and you’re only left with the real intentions. When things are well, you might never know who the other person is; it’s only at times of conflict and disturbance that you can get a clearer look at their genuine nature. After all, what’s the point of having a good relationship with someone if the ending is going to scrap all the good moments and feelings you both had together?
You do genuinely love your friends. You do genuinely love your partner, husband/wife, kids, family, mentor, etc. But would you still have the same amount of love and appreciation for them if they showed no love to you? if they stopped reciprocating your effort or chose to end their connection with you. If the answer to that is Yes, then why? If the answer is a plain no (as it might happen even between lovers and friends), then was your love even real?
Even better, what is true love, then?
If I had to give a simple definition, I would say that true love is the death of the ego for the sake of the other. It is what we refer to as selfless love. It is choosing the other before oneself. a mindful act of giving without the expectation of receiving something in return. Genuine love is giving exactly what you walk around the world looking for—an unconditional sense of acceptance and admiration—without building an assumption of receiving it back from those to whom you’ve given it.
This does not imply that you might have to devalue your own worth in order to prove the authenticity of your love for someone else. One has to be very careful not to exploit such a noble value and use it in an extreme manner. The moment that you feel that you have to be compromising about your value or lower your standards to prove your love is the moment that you lose a very valuable aspect of this entire equation: your self-love!
"Each time you break your own boundaries in order to ensure that someone else likes you, you like yourself a little less."
-Brianna West
There is nothing wrong with feeling that the reason you love your partner or friend is because they make you feel good or because they know how to handle your stupid temper. Your emotions are still valid by all metrics. But your love would have been of much higher quality, much more deeper and genuine if you loved them just because they deserve to be loved for who they are.
By that definition, "fish love" is a love that nurtures the ego; true love is a love that kills the ego. The purpose of engaging in a genuine act of love is the spiritual transcendence that results from choosing to navigate your reality from a multisensory perspective rather than a five-sensory egoistic approach. When you choose to love, the part of you that thinks of its own benefit has to vanish.
The wise and beautiful Abraham J. Twerski says it best:
People make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love. And the real answer is that you love those to whom you give.
Yassine Said.
Comments by the writer:
1- This has been the most challenging piece of literature that I have ever written in my life. Usually, I can talk for hours about love based on what I read in books and the movies that I have seen. But to extract a genuine definition (something from my own beliefs about this topic) was very hard.
2-Kindly Choose to look at the matter as if there are levels of love that could be attained when our intention is to have the other’s needs "instead of ours" as our priority. No wonder that the purest forms of love can be exemplified in a mother’s love for her baby or our love for animals. We even expect nothing from neither one of them (animals or babies).
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I'm so sick of her. She's making me hate you. All you do is complain about her and I genuinely don't think you realise it.
Do you know how miserable you've become since you moved in with her? Everything's about her. It's never about you. You won't let yourself be upset because "she has it worse". You're literally pitying her, that's all it is.
She gets upset at the smallest things and you beat yourself up over it like it's your fucking job to make sure she's happy.
I know I got extremely lucky still being with my teen sweetheart. We grew into full functioning adults together after going through a ridiculous amount of shite together thanks to my family. Never once have I ever felt pitied by her but I know for a fact she feels pitied by you. You said it yourself, she got mad at you for being concerned for her wellbeing, because she thinks that you don't trust her judgement. Even though you have every reason not to since she's the way she is.
I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's not being malicious purposefully but that doesn't excuse the fact that she is manipulative often.
The fact that you feel guilty about having your own interests and hobbies is such a huge issue I don't understand how you can't see it. It's another reason for the pile of why I think you shouldn't be dating.
You shouldn't have to force her into spaces and activities that are yours alone to enjoy, shes literally going to ruin cons for you for the rest of the time you go, which I feel like will stop eventually when you realise you can't be around your friends since she'll cry if we start talking about cock and balls.
You love talking shite and she turns you mute. It sounds like the most dull, mind numbing conversations to have with anyone ever. Like what is there to even talk about that doesn't involve her, that's solely yours? God forbid you have interests she isn't a part of because that'll upset her 🥺
Its ridiculous. You're such a warm bright colourful person with so much personality and humor and you're just grey with her.
I can never say any of this to you directly because I think it'd finally be the end of our friendship but honestly I don't know how much longer I can see you like this, it's genuinely hurting me.
She didn't know you were suicidal and you've been together over 2 years. Is that not alarming? The lack of knowledge of your mental state bc she never looks outside herself. I know you deny how unwell you are because you never let yourself be the one with issues but if she really knew you she'd know that without being told.
I think you should break up.
I know you're lonely, and I know you want a relationship, but God, you're not meant to be on eggshells at every turn, wondering if you've something wrong or done something wrong to upset her. You're not supposed only care about her feelings and never check on your own.
I really think you should end it.
Obviously you live with her so that's a complication but you know your mam would take you back in a heart beat.
I think you should go. I'm saying this with the most sincerity I can. I am saying this as your oldest and closest friend. Please leave her to better yourself. It'll hurt, obviously. But in the long run you deserve to really be happy. Happiness is not what you have. You wouldn't be this way if it was.
These feelings aren't new or sudden. I've felt this way for well over a year. She made you a completely different person while you're with her, then when you finally get time to see us you complain about her in some sort of way
Of course no relationship is perfect, I've gotten annoyed at 🐰 before, most were due to outside forces (primarily my family) but we've always talked it out. You keep stuff from her, you feel like you can't be honest with her out of fear. None of that is normal or healthy.
You really really should consider breaking up.
I just want you to be happy again.
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💞 (Hug),🌹(Give Flowers), 💝 (Give Box of Chocolates) & 🥺 (Shyly Flirt) ➡
Quackity knew who it was before she saw them, nose filling with the warm familiarity of jasmine and iron. Arms wrapped securely around her waist, sparking a noise of surprise — high and nasally, like a chirp or trill of a distressed bird. Despite stiffened muscles, Quackity leaned back, beanie sliding and scrunching against the chest of a familiar pink-headed brute. Shock resonated through gold's system: Techno rarely ever liked initiating contact. It'd been so long since they'd been so close that she could feel xyr heartbeat pounding against her back. A part of her thought that she'd never feel it again after their incident the previous year.
"Hey, Tech," Alex smiled up at Techno, eyes squinted against the library's fluorescent lights. Pink tickled her cheeks, and she wondered if xe was aware that xe was far too tall for this position to be comfortable. Surely xe noticed how her neck strained and curved to make eye contact. Her hands patted down their scarred forearms, mindlessly fiddling with wispy hairs until Techno pulled away (far too soon, in Alex's opinion). However, her regret for losing xyr warmth didn't last as Techno adjusted their arms and cold silk brushed against her hands. Looking down again, Quackity was met with an even more baffling sight: a bouquet carefully crafted by a loving hand. "Holy shit..."
Quackity graciously accepted the flora, thumbing across the yellows and pinks of those expensive roses sold around the student offices and stopping against alstroemeria and honeysuckle. Wide-eyed, Alex recognized the touch of geranium and forget-me-nots — everything had a meaning. She knew xe was poetic and careful (English majors always were), but this... true friendship mixing with love and remembrance, bonds and company that never breaks, wrapped neatly with admiration and devotion to one another... Alex wanted to cry. She was speechless. "Techno I-"
Gold was hushed. It was like Achilles was rushing to get everything into her awaiting palms to get her first reaction to being an overwhelming show of adoration. A Tupperware container was nudged against her blouse, arms instinctively squeezing to hold it tight. She tilted her head down, lips parted in stunned silence as she pieced together its contents. Chocolates. And, they weren't store-bought, or at least Alex would believe as much. Pressure built up behind her nose, her mind running a mile a minute to process the back-to-back gifts. It was so much so quickly, and Alex was downright flattered. "Achilles," her voice was meek, wavering with every sign of awe that was common with the affectionate woman beneath confident shades. Xe was startling her into dropping her walls so quickly that even her teary eyes seemed unsure of how they were supposed to act.
"I know you're a busy woman, Ducktape, but I thought I'd show some appreciation. Y'know. Because you're... uh. You're - you deserve it. You just deserve it."
There was no hesitation in how Alex threw herself back into Achilles's arms, gifts dangling from white-knuckled fingers and arms latched as tight as they could around xyr neck. Her legs kicked up in the air, relying solely on Techno to hold her up while a choked cry soaked into xyr hoodie. A second hug, wholly swept up in the genuine care for her that made her heart sob and her cheeks wet, nearly knocked the two on their hind ends. It wasn't the gifts that made the experience so monumental for her, but the effort Techno put in. Techno checked all the boxes, and goddamn did Alex want to smother their face with all sorts of affectionate touches.
"I fuckin love you so much. You have no fuckin idea, Achilles."
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Title: Happily Ever Island
Author: Crystal Cestari
Genre: New Adult Fiction | Drama | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+
Content Warnings: N/A
Overall Rating: 9.8/10
Personal Opinion: If you’re a Disney fanatic, you’d probably love this book and its concept. An island where you can embody (almost) any iconic character from the grand house of mouse. But even a casual enjoyer such as myself can fall in love with the adventures Madison and Lanie embark on on this island. It’s full of magic and wonder and romance. It’s tough to find a more enchanting book than this.
Do I Own This Book? Nope.
Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:
Likes:
- I’m not a Disney fanatic. I’m more of a casual enjoyer. But as a casual enjoyer, I really love the references and the magic in this book. Everything from the way the island was built to the concept of “hero moments” were just lovely. I wish I could’ve read about every hero moment from the intimate point of view of the characters involved. But the backstage perspective on “Let It Go” and the romantic scene of Madison and Val watching the floating lanterns was more than enough for me.
- I also love that all the titles are Disney songs. It didn’t hit me until “Be Prepared” (the second chapter) and even then I thought it was a coincidence. I think it’s so clever and I love the way Cestari incorporated them into the chapters.
- Madison and Lanie have a wonderful friendship. Proof of that is that when they had a fight, Lanie was trying to think of ways to repair it while Madison was already barreling toward her ready to fix it. The fact that not even 24 hours later and Madison was willing to go to great lengths to say sorry shows what a great person she is.
- Speaking more on Madison, I love that we saw her creative mind at work from the start. Way before she even made it to the island. She’s a full-on romantic with a head full of grand gestures. It’s no wonder that she’s such a natural fit as a Disney cast member. That’s foreshadowing done correctly.
- Lanie’s anxiety is represented so accurately. To me. For a hot second, I was on Madison’s side until Lanie said she “didn’t want to bother Madison.” And then I was like, “ohhhh, that’s me.” I hesitate to rely on my own friends too because they have so much on their plate and I don’t want to dump anything more on it. So I get Lanie and I love that Madison is always there for her to be a shoulder to cry on or lean on. I love that Ethan didn’t question anything when she was crying and just held her. I love that she got that support because she deserves it.
- Sal and Dorothy are so cute. I especially love the imagery of this middle-aged man reciting lines from a Disney film to himself on a plane. He is adorable. I love them and I wish them nothing but the best.
- Madison’s “stepsisters” are great too. They’re genuinely nice people and honestly, I just think that’s pretty cool.
- Something else that’s cool are the activities. A canoe trip around the riverbend? Going snorkeling in King Triton’s sea? Those sound like so much fun. And I just could not stop myself from laughing out loud when the canoe intruded on the “Kiss The Girl” hero moment. Like that was genuinely so funny. Can you imagine watching “The Little Mermaid” and then a boat containing Prince Charming and Merida bursts onto the scene? And the way the musical score kept going just cracked me up.
Dislikes:
- I have my issues with Disney. But I would love to do this. But sadly, I don’t think I’d get the role I want. Would Disney allow a man to play Belle? Because I want to be surrounded by books and to slow dance with the Beast.
- You know a role I do not want? Cinderella. I cannot believe that Madison willingly put herself in a situation where she would be surrounded by an “evil” step-family. Especially with a Lady Tremaine that horrible. Granted it just so happens to be this specific Tremaine. If it was a woman who was less intense about live-action roleplay then maybe it’d be more fun. But yeah anyway, fuck that Lady Tremaine.
- Does Lanie’s mother actually say “disappointment” in that one scene before they head off for vacation? Because if so, fuck that. Bruh, Lanie was right to hang up on her. I want nothing to do with a parent like that.
#Booklr#Booksbooksbooks#Book Blog#Book Review#Book Recs#Happily Ever Island#Crystal Cestari#LGBTQ#Queer Books#Queer Lit#Queer Representation
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ahh i havent sent anything in a while but i just wanted to let you know that im very much present on your blog and reading every single ask you answer !! i also read the last star lost update and in all honesty among all the aus and books ive read in my life (and ive read a lot) this is my absolute favourite!!
i’ll try to comment on the chapter a bit more detailed once my semester is over and im on a break but !! as always the way you write hyunjin and yn is amazing 🥺 actually while im at it lemme comment on the chapter as a whole lmao
despite the whole situation and general (hyunjin and hana, hyunjin and yn, felix and yn etc etc) i just wanted to say that the whole friendship dynamic is really cute and fun to read 🥺 i love it a lot (despite the whole hana situation) also hyunjin and yn are just sooo cute together and i love their convos a lot but i feel so bad for felix 😭 (also him interrupting every time theres a ‘moment’ 👀 pretty sure hes doing that for his own sake hehe) guess we’ll have to see how that plays out… but also excited for more yn and felix interaction especially on his bday party but also the whole chocolate making thing…
also yeonjun 😳 you mentioned he’d appear in the au but i didnt expect it so soon (and the convo him hyune and yn had was very insightful to say the least; poor yeonjun, hes such a nice guy 🥺) omg im really excited for when yn and hana actually get to have a real talk about the whole situation especially after her and hyunjin called things off for now (which im not too excited about even though i wanted it to happen, but i cant help but feel like this is just the calm before the storm (and its not like hyune and yn will just suddenly be able to date each other 😭))
hmm what else… if i could i would comment on every single dialogue but i have to get back to studying 😭 but also yn sleeping on hyune in the train reminded me of only fools 😭 and all the tiny things like the streusel bread shjdjdjd youre such a great writer 🥺 and just the whole scene at the end was just adorable i love star lost so much 🥺 but as previously mentioned, i cant help but think of this as the calm before the storm but that depends on your plans for the future chapters 😵💫
on another note! im so excited for the book you have coming out soon because you’re genuinely my favourite writer ever 😭 ive never felt so enthralled by anyones writing like this before so im looking forward to it a lot 🥺 please take care of yourself (i remember seeing you say that you were sick a few days ago) and don’t remember to take breaks eat well and stay hydrated!! hope you have a great weekend and following week as well 🫶
ah also! im curious about you as a person as well so i wanted to know if you have any hobbies? i think your work has something to do with digital arts (sorry if i got that wrong) but hows that like? (if its not too personal) and are there any tv shows movies youve watched recently? (sorry i have this habit of wanting to know a lot about people haha..you can just ignore questions if they make you uncomfy) also last but not least, i love the star lost playlist you made 🥺 i always listen to it while reading the chapters 🫶
-🦥
hi cutie ! im sorry for the delay in getting around to this ask about part 7. first of all, whaaat ?? of all the books youve read ? you will make me cry 😭 i hope your semester is going well <33
im glad you love their friendship dynamic, i love writing all the little relationships and connections to each other. it was my favorite thing to do in only fools. hyunjin and yns convos are so so so cute indeed 😭 they make me smile crazily.
you’re absolutely right about it being the calm before the storm haha ! things will not be that easy for hyun and yn even after they ended with hana. i guess you would have seen that in part 8 itself.
this whole message is so sweet and so full of love. thank you so much, don’t worry im not sick anymore and im taking care of myself, you’re so kind.
the fact that you’re curious about me makes me giggle haha😭 i am really really into pop culture, half of my personality is that haha. i do work with digital arts and designing packaging and brands 🫶🏻 it’s not too personal, don’t worry ! it’s really good actually, i love the arts and anything to do with the creative process so ive pretty much always wanted to do this! and for recent movies and shows, umm i have to think about that cause i watch a lot of random stuff when i get the time haha. but i can tell you my favorite movies ! it would probably be: arrival, interstellar, scott pilgrim vs the world, black swan…warm bodies, everyday, the day after tomorrow, and i can’t think of more but there are tons lmao 🎬 im so glad you like my playlist, im surprised people heard it 😭😭🥺🥺
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