I've Created a Monster

So, I took the, maybe ill-advised, plunge, and told the dude I've been seeing for the past three months that I'm into tickling

And it turned out fucking great, I still cannot believe my luck in this area

Apologies if I rant for a bit. I have been living out my dreams for the past couple of weeks and need to share it with someone (outside of a few people already in the community who I've already told) or I will explode. It gets a tad TMI at the end, so I put that bit under the cut for people's comfort. So beware of that in advance

So a bit of background. I had been seeing this dude for about a month and a half when we got on the subject of kinks. At first just kind of generally discussing them, and eventually getting into what we're into. And I admitted that I had one that was a bit weird, not only because it was unorthodox, but also because I had a huge amount of trouble actually saying what it was, which of course spiked his curiosity. But he was really chill about it and didn't push, but there kept being tickly moments that kept popping up naturally in the relationship, none of which were lasting longer than a couple seconds. As such, mostly out of frustration at the brevity of these moments, I mustered up the courage at 3am to finally confess.

He was quiet for a bit and mostly just held me (I think because I definitely looked as anxious as I felt--I also have to give him props for having patience during the three fucking minutes it took me to confess because I was working up the courage to simply say the Word). Then he started asking me how long I'd known that I was into it, why I was into it, what appealed to me about tickling, things along that line, all of which I stumbled my way through answering. He then proceeded to inform me that he didn't think I was weird, or that liking tickling was weird, and that he had been expecting much worse and thought it was kind of cute.

After that, tickling started cropping up more in the relationship. It took a while to explain that I was totally okay with more intense tickling and that me squirming away and sometimes asking him to stop were reflexes that should be ignored (it was somewhat endearing how he would immediatelly stop to make sure I was good, if somewhat frustrating sometimes), but he eventually got it. He even briefly pinned me down once, a move he has yet to repeat, but eventually I will get up the courage to ask him to.

I had told him that I was into both doing and receiving the tickling, but also that he was under no pressure to get tickled if he didn't want to. But after a while we were cuddling when he said, quote, "I think I'm actually into this tickling thing. It feels kind of nice whenever you do it to me, and I do love how much it gets to you." And then gave me permission to tickle him, which was way more than I was hoping for

Although he is able to control his reactions and just stay still for it which is baffling to me ("well if I moved, it would stop happening??" yeah?? I know?? But most people can't do that shit 🤨)

Guys. He started looking into tools and shit. This man is researching into the community. Came to me all excited like a dork, talking about feathers and toothbrushes and the fucking Wartenberg Wheel and how he thinks that he'd may be be down to include bondage with tickling stuff (which I'd mentioned I'd be into before). He was all, "I also discovered that some people are into tickle torture, isn't that wild?" Meanwhile I'm over here like, "yeah, it is wild, isn't it, imagine that haha"

He's suggested safe words on his own too, worked out boundaries,,,,

Anyways. He's embraced this way more than I can image and I am living the dream

TMI under cut! Avert your eyes if shmexy things make you uncomfy!

He's also started tickling me while we fuck (and sometimes when he goes down on me) and my fellow people of tumblr. It makes everything so insanely intense. I have had to be like, "babe, I love this, this is great, but I cannot concentrate on any coherent goal if you keep this up".

Also definitely discovered that my ass is ticklish during this process and it is a fact that he will not let go. Not that I am complaining 😏

just me thinking abt the insidiousness of the Familiar Clinic

a place where every familiar is recommended to be put down

not because of any injury or disease

but because their vampire cared about them enough to take them there in the first place

my first time ever drawing zelda i think!!! apparently i never uploaded these here and i needed to remedy that. zoldo doodlz from 2021

this was the original pic posted on twitter 2 years back. when i was inactive on tumblr. smh. i didnt know whether or not the same formatting was better, but i decided to separate the 2 zoldos so that you could see the details better up close idk.

The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese

Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since

It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.

People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.

And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.

If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.

The yellow in your eye is back, so I think that's good

Worry not for the Nameless Red Disciple, they just went down to the river to chill with the river turtles!

someth in g something cute girl talks about her interests for 5 hours and you are absolutely smitten about it

one thing that is kinda wild to notice is the way fic seems to have gotten a shorter and shorter lifespan over the years. granted, i only have my own anecdotal experience to go by, and there's plenty of factors that can contribute to that, but it's wild because like i remember posting fic in like 2015 would get so much more engagement over time than posting fic today. in 2015 if i posted something i generally would get comments and interaction with it for a week or so before it tapered off into obscurity. today, its like. you post a fic and after 24 hours its dead in the water. odd.

Also, just a random update on some personal state of affairs, since it's been kinda wild recently.

So a week and a half ago, I got let go from my job. Which sucks, obviously. However, it would seems that the job ended up giving me a pretty wild amount of burnout that I've been in for a pretty long time, so I'm using this little unplanned break to both sort of recover from that while also working on the upcoming mashup album and maybe also straightening out some personal affairs (such as tending to my living space).

Since recovery is my top priority, I'm not going to try to firmly hold myself to my original deadline of the end of May (but if I DO manage to reach that deadline, then hell yeah). Also, because of these goals, I'm probably going to be streaming a bit more sporadically and less frequently (Me? Streaming sporadically and infrequently? Perish the thought, right?).

What does that mean for the blog? Well, nothing, really. Maybe an emotional post or two, but y'all are kinda used to at least one deep and heartfelt emotional post per week at this point (this isn't it btw).

Either way, with other certain social media websites completely imploding and everything else going haywire in life at times, I've always enjoyed having this blog and having support from you all, so thank you all for that. Despite this lengthy post, I'm certain things are going to be fine (the length is probably more from Vyvanse kicking in lol), so no need to worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. Just wanted to give a general update on how things are goin.

i love having a long, philosophical argument/discussion about toya, his writing, and just about everything about him, and how it feels like he’s been pretty neglected in terms of appearances and writing (okay but seriously they dropped toya colofes story and RAN) and the conclusion was

toya needs more friends. that’s it. he needs more friends please give him more friends

its nearly been a year since i was so soscared

dont worry, only 56239821436 years to go!! ^_^

I'm feeling salty so I'm just gonna say-

If you can't handle the idea of feeding live prey to something.

Do not get a pet. That requires you. To feed it live fucking prey. There are SO MANY OTHER OPTIONS!

Also don't be that fucking weirdo who goes on other people's socials and bitches about how it's "inhumane" or "gross". They'd be doing it out in the wild. It's a little something called nature. And no, you cannot find an "alternative" for your mantis.

It's a MANTIS. It is like. One of the most famous predatory insects. It is infamous for eating its prey alive.

If you're going to be a little baby about feeding live prey. Then get a pet that doesn't need that. And shut the fuck up.

A scene of foreman telling house in ep21 s8 that "persevering through pain for loved ones... isn't that what life is?" before being followed up by a scene of house screaming at taub in the middle of the hospital hallway that life is pain. Life is pain. His entire life is pain. How he wakes up everyday and thinks about ending it. And yet hes still fucking here and what is that if not a confirmation that house's entire life is lived for wilson

Its so like. Because from an outsider's perspective its so childish. Its so out of bounds though thats completely in character for house; you don't tell people whether they should live or die, least of all if they're diagnosed with a terminal illness you know will suck the life out of them every second they aren't in the ground. You don't get to tell people that you dont have that right but. But. but

House is here and house is in pain. He's hurting and he's been hurting and he wants that to end but its been an unspoken agreement for years that wilson would never forgive house if he just gave up. Wilson would never let him do that. He would never ever forgive house for that not ever

So house is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is alive!!!!!!!!!!!! Because wilson is his best friend and house cannot live in a world where wilson hates him even if he isnt around to feel it. So house persevered through the pain he grit his teeth and just kept fucking Going because wilson hating him is a worse fate than any infarcture any perpeptual state of chronic pain, a fate worse than anything

Before stacy before cuddy before everything it was new orleans and wilson in that cell. House has been living for wilson. House's entire life past the infarcture and the pain and the pain and the pain has been for wilson. He has been living in unimaginable pain for 20 years because its been an unspoken agreement that i need you i want you you need me you want me. I need you here you cant go anywhere You cant leave me

20 years of being in a perpeptual unending state of chronic pain. Years of living under this unspoken agreement, being bound to this contract that keeps you screaming keeps you hurting keeps you gutted and emptied out but you never minded it, you never left. you let it take you because you love him. Because you love him he loves you and he lets you love him and thats enough

So can you imagine what a slap in the face it is to have him tell you outright that he wont live for you.

That his life, his death: it'll be about him. All this whilst your entire life has belonged to him. Your life your death everything you've ever done its been about him for him. For him. And you feel furious and cheated to tears because its then that you realise he never even asked. You gave it to him handed your bleeding beating heart warm and fresh to him on a silver fucking platter and he never even asked for it. But you're asking him now. You're actually asking him you're begging him, you are begging him you're telling him that you love him, and he's saying no? He's saying no?

Can you even begin to imagine-- just a fraction of that betrayal? That humiliation? I've fucking grit my teeth weathered 20 years of pain i stayed alive because i knew that you wanted me to-- because i knew that you loved me and you wanted me to stay, and that was fine, because i loved you too. And i never even made you say it. I never made you say the words because i thought it was something we both understood intrensically, down to the bone-- and still im telling you now that i need you that i love you and now the deal's just off?

I weathered through 20 years of pain because surely you would have done the same for me-- and you're telling me now that your life is going to be lived on your own terms? when my entire life has been lived for you? When ive been in hell for 20 years just so i could keep loving you? You; you looked at me in the eyes, led me on had the gall to keep me alive-- just to sit here now and tell me that the agreement ive lived my whole life around was a one-man deal? That you cant be bothered to stick your heels in the dirt a little, grit your teeth and go through a quarter fraction of the hell ive gone through so that you stay here! can be here Be Here and keep continuing to love me when ive been doing that wordlessly thanklessly for 20 years? How could you make me ask? How could you tell me no?

How could you keep me alive and breathing if you knew that this was even remotely in the realm of possibility? You kept me in the dark-- knew this whole time that leaving this friendship could actually be an option for you-- and you kept me alive?

so uh. the twelve year anniversary for tawog is today. i ran outta time to draw something meaningful to celebrate it so i'm just gonna post this since i have it on me

this is literally the worst way for me to have shared this headcanon but oh well 💀

side note but i finally figured out a shading style for rob that works well with my 2D style but still retains the 3D model aesthetic of his design. i really like how it turned out! a real shame that i developed it bc of this shitpost lol

original/ref under the cut

i saw this interaction and i couldn't stop thinking about it as them.

is it alright if you show us your art progress?

Progress is "I stopped drawing noses" and also "I get very lazy very fast so most of my art is simply doodles these days". I tried to just pick art that wasn't overly lazy but wasn't overly complex but man back in 2011-2014 I looked like I was having more fun with art lmao.

That said, it's an immense stress relief to me and has been for years. So the fact it's my hobby is for the best cause even if I'm not producing 'the best' or spending heaps of time on stuff, I get to enjoy the feeling of less stress while drawing and then stress the rest of the day.

(if you meant the art process that's very different and also very disappointing but I am willing to provide that if you want)