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#it's a fucking horrible way to feel
rex101111 · 8 months
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Things that happen within the first few hours of AC6:
1. You get shot with a huge-ass laser mid-atmosphere entry. You barely survive this, landing several miles away from your intended landing zone.  Welcome to Rubicon 3.
2. You have a mech built with bargain bin parts, barely held together with hope and spite. It has a energy sword though, so that’s nice.
3. Not even two seconds after your, very rough, landing, you get a call from your “Handler”. He is ostensibly in charge of your well-being. This begins and ends with him sending you off on missions he’s fairly certain you’ll survive and charges you for the damage you get to your mech, the bullets you use, and he’s also cut out a piece of your brain to put in augmentations that will make you a slightly better mech pilot. In the top Most Horrible People On This Planet contest, he wouldn’t make it to the top 10.
4. You make your way through a derelict hunk of junk that’s threatening to collapse on top of you. Not even two minutes into this journey, you’re getting shot at with missiles. 
5. You finally reach your intended destination, a burning husk of a city filled with scavengers and low lives who will shoot you on sight. You are here to grave rob.
6. The reason you are grave robbing is connected to the fact you got shot in orbit, you are here illegally, and you need to find a license from any fresh corpse so you can steal the identity on it and be able to do mercenary work.
7. You go through four corpses before you find one with a license that can pass muster.
8. Mid corpse robbing a gunship sent by The Space Police spots you and you have to shot it down so it can’t kill you or, even worse, stop you from stealing the identity you just found. 
9. As soon as you get registered in the Mercenary Rolodex, which takes less then a second of an A.I taking a look and saying “alright checks out”, you have two missions. One of them has you killing a bunch of resistance fighters from the planet’s native population on behalf of a weapons company that really wants to do business here. 10. The next mission has you going to a base owned by that very same company and blowing up everything you can find there. This does not anger that company one bit, if anything it just convinces them you are a very thorough worker. 11. Very shortly after that, you are tasked with destroying a prototype mech by another company before it can get into mass production. That mech is being piloted by what can only be described as an Anime Protag who is in the worst possible franchise for his type of character. You can murder him in less then two minutes if you know what you’re doing. You can hear him desperately fight for his life the entire time. 12. After that, before you even get to clean the blood and oil and broken dreams off your robot, you get a call from a merc group leader saying that he’s seen you murder that guy real good, a guy who was auditioning to join his group, and likes the cut of your jib. He gives you the callsign he was gonna give Anime Protag before you blew him the fuck up. He laughs and tells you to be careful since it’s an unlucky number. This is the least morally repugnant thing you’ll do all game.   
13. A while after that, you go into a power plant and destroy the generator, it promptly blasts you in the face with the red radioactive Super Fuel that toasted this planet a few years back.
14. You survive, somehow, and you get a disembodied voice of some girl in your ear. You tell your handler about this and he just shrugs it off with “oh yeah that’s probably a symptom of the lobotomy, don’t worry about it”. The voice is probably the most moral person on this fire blasted hell scape of a planet.
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btsbs · 2 years
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I’m back from vacation, it was amazing minus the flying part of it, slowly catching up over the next few days!  My phone was in airplane mode for 9 days, only rare access to wifi, I feel SO refreshed not knowing anything that has been going on.  
Also, I was somewhere that is a popular destination internationally, and I’ve realized I can successfully identify Korean being spoken in the wild now.  Korean families say hi to each other when they spot each other abroad!  Americans don’t do this so I thought it was cool that I could at least understand that much.
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iintotheunkncwn · 1 year
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The level of anger I have right now toward WB and James motherfucking Gunn… I can’t even put into words right now how angry I am.
How do you fucking do that to someone? Have them announce he’s Superman PRIOR TO HIRE…then HIRE HIM…only to then say NAH WE ARE GIVING THE ROLE TO SOMEONE ELSE THANKS FOR YOUR TIME DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT!!! And THEN POST ABOUT IT AND SAY ‘…but we’re big fans of his and we talked about a number of future possibilities!’ Get the fuck out of here with that shit, trying to smooth your biggest fucking mistake out. We don’t want it.
Like you have to have some fucking balls to really rip the rug out from someone like that. And that someone was so ready to get back into that suit and rebuild Superman and the universe he would be in… only to just let him down so fucking hard.
And not just Henry.. we, the fans! The ones who wanted him back in the first place, and the ones who were excited or at least somewhat hopeful about this whole rebuilding of the DCU! You go and do us AND him dirty like that? Fuck you, man. Honestly, go fuck a cactus.
This really takes the fucking cake, WB. Wow.
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daylighteclipsed · 7 months
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killing mnyseld
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front-facing-pokemon · 3 months
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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this#also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids#in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game#the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who#really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks#phantump#HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all#and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible#and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images#i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha#i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said#“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this#and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that#once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine#i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a#script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the#queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them#then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses#because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here#just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially#made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened#i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now
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thecrowsart · 1 month
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👁️🦎🎯
(crops under cut)
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#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol#usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking#anyway FUCK architecture#really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand#but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol#ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene#and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself#but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos?#his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer......#tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk#meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol#hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid#he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like.#it's weird for him to not be matoba#anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and#i had a specific composition in mind#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo#but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably#btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage.#and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so#i chose architecture LOL#okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair#im doing my best LOL.........but boy#OKAY im done
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transmascutena · 2 months
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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baldurs-gate-official · 5 months
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Thinking about Astarion and trauma again (shocking)
He really is the first character I've seen that depicts PTSD/C-PTSD the way he does. He's angry. He's collecting the pieces of himself he had to chip away over the years and figuring out how to fit them back together again, and it's hard.
I rarely see good PTSD rep in media (and C-PTSD is even less depicted/understood). And when I do, it's always the soft pitiable side of it. The side of it that's more palatable and easy to accept. But the reality is that the trauma that stems from such abuse can be vicious, and messy. It can lash out and push people away. Bring out the worst in you, at times. It can be so, so angry.
I love that we see that in Astarion. Both because it's good representation, and because I'm a survivor too. I'm angry. I'm upset. I want to kick and scream about it, but I can't. I feel like I must always remain in control, or that displaying those feelings will only hurt those around me and push them away. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt others or be alone.
Seeing Astarion do those things, being angry and messy over it all... It makes me so happy. He says things to Cazador I wish I could say to my own abusers, with no regard to how others perceive it. He doesn't hold back. And I get to see a character with a very similar kind of trauma do/say the things I only dream about, and not be abandoned for it. He's given the chance to heal and grow as a person, and feel loved. He gets to have a happy ending.
And he gets to be mad. And that's ok.
#bg3#astarion#text post#cw trauma#cw ptsd#ive never seen a character before with such a similarish past to mine#i feel so seen and understood#i hate that ive had to be silent about it#i hate it so much#it means SO much to see a character with such good CPTSD rep#and see so many people love his character#i recently escaped my own abusers so this sort of thing makes me very emotional#the way he talks about torture too and doesnt try to sugar coat it#i was tortured too. my bones were broken repeatedly for someone elses amusement and it was fucking horrible#years of that#and starvation#among other things#and ive never seen a character before thats been through something similar#ive never even seen a character before this that specifically has CPTSD#ive seen characters who *should* have been written with CPTSD but its as if the writers just googled PTSD and went with that#(C-PTSD comes from continued exposure to trauma over the course of months or years where PTSD is often from a singular event)#(the symptoms differ a bit. and Astarion is a very good example of C-PTSD)#it just makes me really happy. and it makes me feel like people might understand and not blame me for what happened#well. some people do anyway. but. this kind of representation helps a lot with helping people understand#seriously though ive had people act like theyd have fared better in my situation. or blamed me for what happened#how fucked is that???? i want to chew glass whenever it happens#its always people whove never had any experience with abuse too#but they have the audacity to tell me theyre built different or something#q
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coquelicoq · 7 months
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crashes ur board meeting n drags u out by the collar but its fine bc youre the one always saying shit like "im looking for people i can use" ok lol. get used idiot
#just tracing like. the sequence of events that had to take place in order for this to come to pass#1. natori and his shiki are skulking around homura stalking ban. possibly it's just his shiki and natori is elsewhere.#either way 2. natsume shows up and natori learns about it either bc he witnesses it or a shiki comes to tell him#3. natori gets in his little richard scarry apple car (this is my mental image for some reason) & fucking. BOOKS IT to the matoba compound#4. goes inside. presumably matoba lackeys try to stop him bc their boss is in an important meeting but somehow he gets past them#(possibilities here are v fun to think about. maybe natori does this all the time and they're used to it. maybe he's never done it before#but they're all on orders to let natori in if he ever shows up. maybe natori convinces them he's supposed to be IN the meeting#which is great because it sounds like some important clan thing so what is he in the clan now??)#5. interrupts matoba's meeting like 'i need you' and matoba's like 'bye everyone whatever this is is more important'#6. they get in natori's comical apple car (again the apple car is not canon don't worry about it)#& natori drives like a bat out of hell back to homura. (SOURCE: matoba is so scarred he refuses natori's offer for a ride later)#i wonder what they talk about on the way there? because they don't talk about why natori is stalking ban until much later#so they must be busy talking about something else. but what??#that or they're both too distracted by all the near-death experiences from natori's crazed driving lol#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#homura cats arc#horrible exorcists#my posts#sidenote i feel like that page at the end where both matoba and sensei refuse natori's offers of a ride is really funny because#sensei's reason is that it will take too long. but sensei did you know natori drives like a speed demon? think it thru...#also like. how long did it take him to decide to involve matoba? was that his backup plan all along?#also it's pretty lucky that he found matoba at all considering he could be anywhere...the matoba have like 15 houses...#he has matoba's schedule memorized lol#natori sparkling to the assorted clan members in the meeting: sorry ladies and gentlemen i just need to borrow this~#*throws matoba over his shoulder and fireman-carries him to the parking lot*
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it turns out that, in moving, i have traded out having to deal with many small spiders for having to deal with the occasional fuckoff huge one
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pseudophan · 1 month
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honestly they were disrespectful to themselves. they let it get completely out of hand for a MONTH. the palace did this to themselves
yeah... look nobody will get me to agree with people being like 'conspiracy theorists have gone too far' 'you've all been disrespectful towards catherine' 'there was never a reason for any of this' 'you should be ashamed for what you said' etc etc etc. because like... first of all, again, i hold zero respect for these people. why the fuck should i. but even if i did... it's their own fucking fault???? the fuck?????? lmao?????????? literally only a handful of people gave a fuck until that doctored photo. and then they just kept making it worse. and i'm sorry but i actually don't think they're entitled to their privacy when their entire job is pr and they're blatantly lying in all their pr shit like ? what else are you good for lol. but then that also makes me angry because as much as i don't like kate for several reasons i'm still a bit genuinely offended at her behalf for how they've handled all this shit.. like making her take the blame for the photoshop (i hope for her sake it was her own idea, because otherwise........), having her appear alone in the video announcing her cancer (why tf isn't william there when she's talking about how he's by her side lmao), the general just lack of giving a fuck about anything whilst the world went wild theorising about her.... i can't tell whether she's taking the fall to cover for something else or if they're just all absolute assholes ?? again like. i don't like kate middleton. for many reasons. but i like william and charles a whole lot less and it's infuriating that they're making me feel like she's been wronged lmao
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bonefall · 8 months
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I know you're keeping Clear Sky as an antagonist (and he's very compelling as one in your rewrite), but I'm curious: if you absolutely had to give him a redemption arc, how would you go about it? (Besides not fridging his sister and wives, of course.)
If I was forced to give Clear Sky a redemption arc I'd slip a femur right out of my legmeat and beat someone to death with it
I'd never write a redemption arc for him, ever. It would be a completely different character.
Clear Sky's redemption arc is not even an idea worth considering; This an extremely consistent abusive family member who drives the entire plot, a predator who will leverage the love people have for him, whose defining characteristic is that he dresses up his megalomania as "Just Trying to Protect Everyone"
And I'd give that up?! for what?
I'd rewrite the whole plot, JUST like how the writers did with TWO born evil foreigner villains so their story wouldn't get boring, so I could prove the he could be a good boy if he wanted to? WHY?
It's doing the same thing the Erins do, totally uninterested in the story of his victims to write yet another plot centered around the pain of an abusive man.
Elder Bones is disappointed in you if you even think about it, actually. I am holding the femurbone in my hand as we speak. I'm gonna GETCHA
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heartscrypt · 9 months
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i think about overblotters having like permanent markings or physical side effects from their overblot a lot. a constant reminder of their worst, most emotionally distraught moment of weakness that never leaves them. bonus points if physical side effects that are left over from overblot kick in whenever they're faced with something that even Vaguely reminds them of their overblot so they have that moment of panic of "is it happening to me again". good shit. so fucking good.
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akimojo · 9 months
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people love to use ffxiii’s messy development as a reason to completely shit on the game but honestly the fact they managed to sneak in so many little details in the gameplay in a way that reflects the characters and story despite all the miscommunication between the dev sections is just impressive to me
#was xiii horribly planned out and missed out on a lot of important feedback because of the poor time management? absolutely#does that mean you cant be impressed with what the game achieved regardless of whether you liked it or not? fuck no#also the fact theres next to no bugs (not counting the pc port because... yeah) is amazing all things considered#and the graphics still hold up to this day#the linearity is everyones main issue with the game but look at x dude#x was linear as hell too but it makes sense bc yuna had a pilgrimage to follow#just as how it makes sense for the xiii cast to not have time to stop and explore cocoon while they were being hunted by the government#thats why you have so much more freedom to explore when youre on pulse#theres not even anything objectively wrong with having a game be linear in the first place#and the people complaining about the story being ''incoherent'' are just... wrong?#they give you enough hints within the dialogue to piece the story together yourself while also not leaning on exposition dumps to tell it#and if you cant do that then the datalogs are right THERE#games have relied on ''notes'' to tell parts of their story for ages now and i dont understand why its suddenly bad when xiii does it#i dont like sitting through exposition dumps and i like being able to analyse and theorize about a plot WHILE im experiencing it#and a lot of other people feel the same way so its not an objectively bad aspect of the game's storytelling#you just need to pay attention and be patient and wait for the story to unfold#i went off the rails but ANYWAY#aki stfu#final fantasy xiii
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vonlipvig · 2 months
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first thing i did when i woke up was go on twitter and get blasted by that deleted scene in anatomy of a fall of sandra going DROP DEAD!! I CAN'T STAND ANY MORE OF YOUR MEDIOCRITY!! JUST DIE!! DISAPPEAR!! and like 1) sandra hüller the ACTRESSSS that you are, and 2) again, i fully understand why this didn't make the cut. babygirl would be in jaaaaaail lmao.
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hecksupremechips · 11 months
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God every day I think about Akane’s breakdown in door 3 because there really is no correct way to interpret that and every possibility makes me crazy. Like she sees this fucked up corpse whom Junpei (and the player, depending on how they play) believes is their friend Snake, but she knows that it’s Guy X. It’s a man she very intentionally put in the game for this very purpose, so that he could die horrifically and be displayed for everyone to see. And she has a full mental breakdown over being trapped in this room with the corpse, being trapped by Junpei, to the point where she rips out her hair and starts bleeding from how much she bangs on the door screaming to get out. And fuck, there’s so many possibilities like
Akane could be feeling genuine terror over the sight of the body, and with that remorse. She made this happen, she wanted this to happen, and now she’s forced to quite literally watch the damage she’s caused unfold. She can detach herself from his murder easily in other timelines where she doesn’t have to look at it, and she can sleep easy knowing that her hands are technically clean because she didn’t do the literal killing. But she can’t do that here, and she has to face the fact that not only did she happily cause this death, she failed her mission. She isn’t going to survive, and now this man is dead for nothing and everything is her fault
On the other hand, her entire breakdown could be completely fabricated in order to keep playing the role of the damsel in distress who is so innocent that the very sight of blood drives her to insanity. The interesting part about this is that if she could fake such a horrific breakdown, just how much of her personality a facade? We know she wants revenge, for everyone from Cradle to feel even an ounce of the pain she and so many others went through, but we don’t get to see the extent of how much she feels this way. We never hear directly from Akane about her feelings on any of the original organizers, just her note about her desire to punish them. She hates them, but does she see their deaths as a necessary evil, or does she feel joy and satisfaction at watching them go? It’s absolutely horrifying not knowing, not being able to see her true feelings, not knowing just how real or fake she is, the extent of her madness. Perhaps she doesn’t even know that herself
IN OTHER WORDS, it’s fucked
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#the truth lies somewhere in the middle im sure#but god both possibilities are so tasty#personally i think her reaction is fake to an extent like i think she does feel at least some joy over the murders#shes doing a good deed and ridding the world of evil#but i think that this is a rare moment where she actually thinks for a minute about what shes done and how its fucked#like shes never truly present in the moment she can never fully grasp the severity of the trauma#and i kinda want to believe that this route is a bit unexpected for her#like she had to have known it was a possibility but its entire existence relies on junpei betraying the others#and i think that she was ready to write it off as a rare possibility so she didnt worry about it too much#because the only thing holding junpei back from choosing door 3 is aoi saying that picking it would require leaving people to die#and akane has nothing but her trust that junpei is good and wouldnt do something so horrible to rely on#but then it happens and she cant handle the uncertainty she wasnt ready for ANY of this to happen#not only did junpei betray the others he betrayed HER in so many ways he doesnt realize#he did what he thought was good for june but its exactly the opposite hes not only damned her#but he trapped her in a room with the disgusting corpse that she put there and everything throws her off#and she has to confront that even junpei is unpredictable and is capable of evil and that she herself has fucked up so much#she cant escape this without literally STEPPING INTO the entrails of someone she killed#and its all just too much and she completely loses it#so yeah for me its less a mental breakdown cuz she feels bad for murder#but more a breakdown because shes been betrayed and caught off guard and has a brief realization of how terrifying her actions are#those may sound the same but they arent please guys please :(#as you can see im very normal about this and good god 999 is so fucking good
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