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#it’s so exhausting and i’m so tired of being upset that i’m not good at like being a normal functioning fucking person
hwaslayer · 22 hours
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favorite things | pmylm drabble (jyh)
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⇢ favorite things - drabble one // ft. the pmylm couple
summary: yunho's been having a rough time adjusting to the 'real world' and gets upset when he can't have the person he needs the most right away.
words: 2.8k
warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy/insecurities, yuyu is upset and doesn't really know how to control his feelings rn cause he is just a tired boy 😭, a small lil fight, the awkward silent treatment, yuyu and yeo talk thru his feelings for a bit, kissing/making out, sorry if i missed anything i quickly whipped the rest of this in bed lol
a/n: whipped this baby up because i just felt the need to and i missed my babies!! (+ this lil IG inspo hehe) more drabbles to come 🫶🏼 love you in slow motion update this weekend annnnd i’m gonna have to push back the fallen angel hwa fic cause im all over the place 🥹 but we’ll do better!! lol stay tuned!!
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Yunho has entered the real world and he is exhausted. When his mom used to joke about living and working in this so-called real world, he used to think it was just a thing to keep him on his toes, shake him up a little bit.
Nope, that shit was all real.
And he hates it.
He hates it because it's the one thing that brings another fight to the table for your relationship. Ultimately, Yunho knows all he has to do is adjust and he'll be fine in the long run. Both of you will be fine in the long run.
But today, that feels like a stretch and he is short of patience. Unusually short of patience than usual. He knows you don't mean any harm but for some odd reason, today he feels like the world is going to swallow him alive and everything is triggering.
The first thing is the fact that he has to stay a bit later than usual to finish up a project he had been working on. He was hoping to rush home and spend some time with you before you were off to practice for the evening, spending 2-3 hours with your friends and the group.
That didn't happen.
So, when he gets home and you've already texted him saying you've left with a sad, crying face, he's bummed. He gets himself comfortable anyway, heating up a cup of ramen since he's not too hungry. Maybe he'll get some food with you when you're out— it's one of his favorite things to do.
Now, the second thing that makes him a little more irked is the fact that 2-3 hours go by and you haven't texted. He knows practice can run long, but it's also a little unusual for you to not keep him updated. You finally do a bit past 8pm with a quick:
you: hi baby, sorry! practice was a bit busy, i was caught up during breaks. i'll be home soon then i'll come over after i shower, okay? wait for me (: we should go on a food run! hehe
yunho: sounds good, love. i'll be here.
It closes to 9pm and Yunho isn't hungry anymore. The cup of ramen will do since there seems to be a dim chance of getting food with you, especially when you tell him you'll be over in a quick second but you’re still nowhere to be found. Yunho charges to the door anyway and is hoping to greet you when he swings the door open. Instead, he's greeted with you laughing and giggling with Hyunjin downstairs in the lot as he hands you a bag of to-go food.
Let's set the record straight— Yunho loves your friends. He knows he can trust them, and he knows they're all genuinely good people. He's always been happy you had a good group of people around you.
It's just today, he really, really missed you. After a long ass day. And he knows you [and Hyunjin] mean no harm in your actions, but he can't help but feel a tad bit insecure [and slightly jealous] that you aren't rushing over to see him after not being with him all day. He knows he can blame this on the fact that he's exhausted and a little short on patience. God knows he really did try to keep it cool and brush it off.
He couldn't help it.
Yunho shuts the door again, leaving it unlocked for whenever you feel ready to come upstairs and hang out with him. He sits on his computer chair, irritated, and throws on a game to distract himself momentarily. Maybe it'll help ease whatever he's feeling,
But, nope.
It doesn't.
Because when you walk in, you're still yelling out to Hyunjin and whoever before you shut the door, place the food on the counter and walk into his room. You throw your arms around him from behind and Yunho lets out a small, audible sigh. That was already alarming enough for you, but you still dip your head to the side and try to grab his attention.
"Hi." You place a quick, chaste quick to his cheek, but Yunho doesn't move.
"Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Is all he says plainly. "I was just waiting for you."
"I know, but Hyunjin stopped by to give us food—"
"I thought we were gonna grab food together?"
"Oh." You frown because it completely slipped your mind, or else, you would've left the food at your own apartment to save it for tomorrow instead. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't think he was gonna swing by with food. We all left each other earlier without any plans of—"
"It's okay." He taps your arms as a signal for you to let go of him. "You should go eat."
"We can share, there's more than enough—"
"All good." It's petty of Yunho, he knows. For him, it's the fact that you told him you wanted to go on a food run after practice. Another small, but meaningful thing you two did often. He doesn't blame Hyunjin for anything at all, no. There was no way of preventing that, and who the fuck was he to make you reject food from a friend?
He just wished he could take you to get food. Watch you order your favorites and do your happy dance in his passenger's seat. It's another one of his favorite things.
"Yunho." You slowly step aside and sit on his bed, your appetite all of a sudden gone from how distant your boyfriend is being. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."
"It's fine."
"Is it really? Because something feels off and I wanna know what I did so I can fix it."
"It's nothing, Y/N." You almost flinch at the way he calls you your name instead of his cute endearing nicknames. It throws you off guard so much that you resort to a flimsy, broken:
"Okay." It's barely above a whisper. You stand to head back out to the kitchen, quietly eating a bit of Hyunjin's extra to-go thai food before setting some aside in a tupperware for Yunho and placing it in the fridge. The rest of the night goes.. like that.
In silence. With weird tension.
You hate it.
You wish you could just fix whatever you did wrong, or that Yunho would tell you no matter how 'silly' it may sound. He's always been so good with communicating, even during small disagreements, you weren't sure why he was avoiding it this time around.
You quietly get ready for bed, brushing your teeth and flossing before changing out of your sweats and hoodie to Yunho's shirt. You pad into the room, slipping yourself deep under the sheets and pull up some vlogs on Youtube that you need to catch up on.
"Tired?" Yunho asks from his computer chair, still playing his game.
"Mhm." You look at him, hoping he'd come over to kiss you, cuddle you. Shut off the computer and lay next to you, show you any kind of affection. He doesn't budge, though. You feel your bottom lip trembling, your heart slowly cracking in various places. You have to take a breath to prevent yourself from crying, and Yunho can feel it. He can feel your gaze on him, he can tell you're seconds away from crying. So, Yunho stands and shuts off his computer. But, he starts to head out to the living room and you're on the verge of breaking down. His way of avoiding the issue and getting more upset was to shut down. Deflect.
This wasn't like Yunho at all so you knew something was wrong; something was that bothersome to him.
"Baby." You call for him softly, and he just looks at you. You can tell he's conflicted between keeping this up and dropping it entirely, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's not enough for him to drop it because his expression doesn't change. He still seems cold, distant. Tired. Unlike the Yunho you're so, so used to seeing and having.
"I'm just tired. Go to sleep."
"Where are you going?"
"The living room."
"Let me come with you."
"Y/N. Please go to sleep. I told you nothing was wrong." You watch the way his jaw slightly ticks before brushing you off completely and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. A loud sigh escapes his lips as he treads to the couch and plops onto it, leaning his head back onto the edge. He shuts his eyes, giving himself some time to sort through his feelings because what the fuck, Jeong Yunho?
He knows this is much needed, though. He needed to step away for a second to regroup. He doesn't want to unintentionally hurt you by saying or doing things that he doesn't mean. He's tired, and he's acting like a fucking baby because he just wanted you at so many points today— yet, the universe just didn't let him have you. That wasn't your fault.
None of this was your fault.
He needed to do better. Just because he was exhausted, didn't mean he had to act this way towards you.
"Yo." Yeosang walks through the door, dropping his duffle bag to the floor as he steps out of his shoes. "You good?" He furrows his brows at the sight of Yunho just resting his head back with his eyes shut close.
"Mhm."
"Where's Y/N?"
"In the room." Odd, Yeosang thinks. It's not like you two to be separated like this. It's pretty obvious Yunho is bothered by something and that you've probably gotten into a small fight over it. Yeosang isn't one to meddle much, especially when it's not his business to. But, he is concerned seeing his roommate like this. It's probably one of the rare times he ever sees Yunho upset.
"You sure everything's okay? I'm not really used to seeing you sitting out in the living room in silence like this." Yunho lets out a tiny chuckle that's barely audible, but he finally turns to Yeosang and purses his lips.
"I guess. Just exhausted lately."
"I bet. You've been working your ass off." Yeosang looks into the fridge before stepping away with a cold water bottle and heading towards Yunho. "Y/N put some food in there for you, by the way."
"Did she?"
"Yeah. It has a little sticky note on top." Of course you did, why wouldn’t you? You always thought about Yunho no matter what.
"Fuck."
"What?"'
"I've been such a dick to her tonight."
"What'd you do?"
"It's so stupid." Yunho begins to explain how his day has just been all over the place— from work, to staying late and not being able to see you before practice, no updates until 3+ hours after practice, looking forward to a food run that didn't end up happening because of Hyunjin. All Yeosang can do is laugh a bit and shake his head.
"Dude, we all have bad days. It's inevitable. You're still adjusting so don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard going from a routine you were so used to, especially with Y/N. Then, having to switch it up and play tetris with your time. It's not easy. But also, I'm sure Y/N has been feeling the same way. She's just doing what she can to support you first and foremost. She'd never hurt you intentionally, and I know she'd always choose you in the end." Yunho's head drops as he leans onto his knees and sighs again.
"Fuck, you're right. I don't know why today was so difficult. I guess it all piled on for me and I didn't know how to sort through it."
"All good. Shit happens." Yeosang shrugs. "Anyway. I'm gonna head to bed. You should probably do the same. I know she's probably waiting for you."
"Thanks." Yeo gives him a little dap before he's off to get comfy and end his day. Yunho stays on the couch for a few more minutes before he brushes his teeth and washes up for bed. He stands in the bathroom for a few more seconds before gaining the courage to finally talk to you about everything that's been going on today. When he walks in, you're still bundled under the sheets, but your phone is against the wall and a video is playing. He can hear you sniffling through the video though, and he knows you've been crying.
God dammit, Yunho.
"Baby?" You hear Yunho softly call your name as he slips into bed and wraps his arms around you.
"Mhm?" You respond, still facing away from him.
"Can we talk?" You sigh and exit the video, locking your phone before turning towards Yunho and setting your phone onto the table.
"Don't force yourself if you aren't ready to."
"I am, and I'm sorry." He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and it instantly feels like you have your loving, incredibly sweet and attentive boyfriend back.
"What happened?"
"I don't really know. To be honest, I don't have that great of an explanation. I was just tired and I was really looking forward to seeing you before practice. I couldn't see you then because of work, so I was even more excited to see you after practice and to go on our run together. But, you came later and the whole thing with Hyunjin—" He pauses and shakes his head. "It was so stupid and childish of me. I didn't need to act that way, and I'm so sorry I was such a dick to you over that." You cup his cheek and caress the surface with your thumb.
"You should've just told me, babe."
"It's so dumb, though?" He furrows his brows, mainly at himself.
"Nothing is dumb. Whatever hurts you, hurts me. We're in this together, remember? We're on the same team. I just need you to communicate and be honest, like you always tell me. Okay? I'll do anything to fix it and make it better. I'm your safe space like you are mine."
"I know." He leans into your touch before placing a soft kiss to your palm. "I'll do better."
"We have our bad days and that's okay. It won't make me love you any less. Tell me if you need space or if you need anything from me. I want you to be happy and comfortable."
"I know."
"Okay. And I'm sorry about the food run. I promise I'll keep my end of it next time."
"Wasn't your fault, baby. Nothing could have prevented that." You give him a tiny, toothless smile before kissing the tip of his nose.
"Are we okay?" He nods.
"I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He repeats before leaning in to peck you on the lips. He holds the kiss before parting and looking you in the eye, brushing the hair away from your face. He dips in for another kiss— this time, it's deeper. More passionate. His hand comes down to the small of your back as he presses against you, slipping his tongue in to fight for dominance against yours. The kiss is so full of love and neediness, but there's no push or pressure to make anything out of it.
So, Yunho continues to kiss you. Pushing up against you ever so slightly while parting from your lips to leave a trail across your jaw.
Your chin.
Your neck.
Back up to your lips.
He loves the way you softly sigh in content, listening to him repeatedly whisper 'I love you' against your lips. Into your neck. Across your jaw. He loves the way you gently bite onto his bottom lip as a way of asking for more. He loves the way your fingers tug on the ends of his hair, the way you press your lips against his cheek, forehead, nose. The way you caress his cheeks and never let him go.
It's amongst the many on his list of favorite things.
He continues to coo you and praise you in between kisses throughout the night, smiling while hearing your giggles and smothering you with more kisses until you find yourself getting sleepy. He holds you close and sings a soft lullaby, playing with your hair as you drift off to sleep with the cutest smile on your face. He can’t help but admire you, fighting the exhaustion that’s been hitting him all week for a little longer. He fights it until he can’t anymore but fuck it, it’s all worth it.
Because sitting at the very top of his favorites list is you.
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⇢ permanent taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs
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nickfowlerrr · 1 year
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not being able to fit in even with the groups of ppl who don’t fit in lol sometimes it feels like this high school mentality will never end.
#ranting in the tags#not that it matters but i’m sensitive so i’m gonna complain no matter what#being called a loner all your life then turning it into some kind of badge of honor#bc it’s the only way not being able to click with or connect with ppl stings less#it only works for so long. and when it stops working… lol. just kinda sucks ig.#like every negative trait i was told i have is just reinforced bc duh!!! ding ding ding it’s all making sense ofc ppl don’t wanna talk to u!#i don’t talk enough or make a good effort or i talk too much and make no sense or come off as rude#and either way i’m off putting and it just takes too much effort to be around me#it’s like i make peace with these things and then one fucking thing happens and i’m being slammed back to 15 year old bella mentality again#it’s so exhausting and i’m so tired of being upset that i’m not good at like being a normal functioning fucking person#and ppl try and connect with me but i just give absolutely nothing in return bc i don’t know how to!!!#genuinely like how do ppl just talk to each other? how do you all have friends and make it look so easy and natural#like it’s obviously probably easy and natural bc it’s supposed to be and for some reason i just like… can’t?#okay. whatever#doesn’t matter anyway i’ll go on living#just hate being sad over this. it feels so lame lol.#oscillating between self obsession and self pity every two weeks or so i’m actually so fucking over it hahaha#but it’s cool. i’m cool. rant over 😚#bella complains
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luveline · 2 months
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Babe congrats on quitting!!!
I live coworker!James sm he is so lovely and i cant heló bit asking for more
R having a bad day and James doent know until he teeases her and she just like opens up to James a bit more?
thank you!!
You can’t escape Remus’ sweet questions of concern, though he’s tactful. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Remus asks, James a haunting somewhere near the customer complaints desk. 
“I’m fine.” 
“You really don’t wanna come to dinner with me?” 
It’s a nice offer, but Remus is part of a package deal, and he’s the only one of the three who isn’t exhausting; Remus’ boyfriend Sirius is well meaning but so beautiful and so alarmingly aware of it, while James is all those things too, but much less subtle about it. “I’m too tired for the walking, thank you. I’m just gonna stay here and eat my sandwich in slow bites.” 
Remus laughs, wrapping his scarf tight around his neck. He doesn’t tuck it under his coat. Sirius will do that for him. It’s heartbreaking to see every day, a reminder of real love in the world that will seemingly never touch you, but it’s cute too. 
James rockets back to his desk. He’s always in a hurry. Half-frantic, he pulls his rucksack from under his desk and unzips the main body. To your horror, he unveils a large Tupperware of white rice, asparagus, and what looks to be chicken thighs. Next comes his portable knife fork. 
He notices your watching. “It’s just rice and chicken,” he says defensively. 
“No, I’m not–” You shake your head. “Not about what you’re eating. Eat what you want, James.” 
“Don’t I always?” he asks. “Not about what I’m eating. Your general look of disgust and disdain is to do with something else, then. Did you accidentally look in the ladies bathroom mirror again?” 
“It’s nothing.” 
James tucks his chair in, face paused, hands hesitating at the sides of his dinner and then flat to the desk. “Hey, is something wrong?” 
Maybe his comment before struck a nerve. Maybe you’re having a terrible day, and everything’s piling up, and you can’t be expected to keep in your feelings forever. Or maybe you’re dumb. “Guess I did look too long in the mirror,” you say. 
“You’re upset?” he asks, startled.
You shake your head vehemently. Slow. “I’m just having a bad day.” 
“What happened?” 
You stare at him for a moment, take in the concerned twitch of his brows as they pull down and in, the set of his nice mouth, remarking to yourself on how the snarky sarcasm erases itself from his expression so quickly, leaving behind a boy with a very sweet face. 
His hand curls into a loose fist. “You don’t have to tell me.” 
“I don’t know if you ever get this, but sometimes I,” —your face goes white hot suddenly, an acknowledgment of the powers over you you’re giving him in needing reassurance— “look at myself and I feel a bit off. And I thought if I had lunch by myself I’d have time to not be looked at? Um. Which is why I was unhappy. Not because of you.” You frown at him. “You do make me unhappy, though.” 
He pretends to laugh at your weak insult, which is generous. “So you actually did get upset looking in the mirror? Shortcake, I was kidding about that, it's not like it makes any sense.” 
You frown at one another. “Why not?” 
“Because you’re nothing worth being upset over?” James suggests. “You’re pretty. You know you’re pretty.” He points at you with his fork. “You do know?” 
“No,” you mumble. 
“I’m not telling you again,” he says, looking strangely as though he’d quite like to tell you again. 
“I’m consistently below average.” 
“Where? Do you have an address? I must go to this place where you’re the standard.” 
Something weird and queasy summons to life in your chest, before levelling into a surprising pleasure. That was definitely a compliment, and from James, though annoying he might be, it means a lot. He’s outrageously good looking, after all, and especially when he smiles, which is nearly constant. He’s smiling now with the fondness of someone who knows you better than he actually does. 
He ruins it rolling his eyes. “You’re ridiculous. Which I’ve come to expect!” he says, sliding a thumb under the clasp of his Tupperware. “Why would you think you’re not lovely? To look at, that is. You’re a huge pain otherwise.” 
“That’s uncharacteristically mean, even for you.” 
“I’m balancing it out. Want some asparagus?” 
You excuse yourself for a quick trip to the bathroom, where you mouth questions at your reflection of the puzzled variety. Has James been replaced by a body snatcher? Or are you finally seeing the version of him everybody else in the office seems to know?
When you get back to your desk, your figurines have been upended by a ‘freak earthquake’. He’s back to normal.
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goingmerryfics · 2 months
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Arguments w/ Shanks, Buggy, & Mihawk
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Content: Gender Neutral reader, no NSFW. Maybe some slightly angsty stuff? Not really though.
Shanks
Arguing with him is either exhausting or it’s pointless, there’s never an in-between
Shanks doesn’t really take most arguments seriously because they’re either started by something extremely unimportant or he’s already made his decision and he’s not going to back down on his opinion
Pointless, because he’s not going to change his mind and he’s laughing at you while you’re trying to talk to him
“You’re so cute when you’re angry.”
Yup. Pointless. It’ll just make you more angry and him more entertained
The exhausting arguments are when he’s actually serious- and while he’s not mad at you, he’s mad that you can’t see his reasonings for doing what he’s doing
Especially when it comes to keeping you safe
Shanks won’t back down and it’s impossible to change his mind while he’s this pissed off, so it’s always best to just separate and come back later to talk it out when you’re both calm
While you do what you need to do in order to relax, Shanks festers in his anger and reflects on the things that were said between the two of you. His crewmates try to cheer him up- they offer him booze, they crack jokes, but he’s not in the mood for either and everyone is concerned
Truthfully, he’s worried. While he’s still not willing to change his mind, he doesn’t want to lose the relationship you two have worked so hard to build and maintain
He gets up out of his seat 3 times to pace around, mind racing back and forth on if he should go talk to you, and then convincing himself that it’s best to wait for you to emerge first so he knows you’re ready to talk
But he grows tired of waiting, and does actually end up coming to your shared room to resolve the issue
You’re still steaming just a bit. Your arms are crossed over your chest, and you don’t look up when he enters. You know it’s him, because a few others on his crew have already come to check on you, and you’d asked them politely to leave you be. But you don’t protest when he comes to sit beside you
He doesn’t touch you
It’s painfully silent for a while
Then he finally speaks up and breaks the tension
“I’m sorry. That got a little more heated than I wanted it to.”
You peek up at him just a bit. He notices how red your face is, and a strike of fear shoots through him at the thought of possibly having made you cry and then left you on your own for hours
He stretches out his hand, offering it to you to hold, and you shift in your position to take it
He goes into a rant on how much you mean to him and how he’s only doing what he has to do to keep you and the rest of the crew safe
“Because I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
You do
You also know that no matter how many times you two get upset with each other, you’ll always find your way back into his arms
Buggy
Arguing with him would come often, but the content of the arguments is what matters here
Only for the reason that Buggy is adamant about being correct in every situation, even when he is not and knows it
Everyone knows it’s best to just simply let him believe his delusions and let the natural consequences come through
But this guy seriously has weirdly good luck, and somehow all his delusions seem to come true for him in one way or another
Half of the time it’s just funny watching him be completely wrong about a subject, other times it’s a little infuriating
Arguments don’t last long between the two of you, though
Buggy craves attention, and attention from his favorite person is a must. It’s basically a necessity of life
Food, water, shelter, you. Not in that order, though
He realizes too late through his incessant rambling and gloating that he’s said something that hurt your feelings and immediately starts to backpedal
“Wait, wait, wait! That’s not what I meant! What I meant to say was-”
He’s red in the face, almost so much so as his nose
He hates to admit it, but you look really good glaring down at him like that as he tries to save his own skin
He clams up, sweating. Unsure of himself. Not sure what he was even saying a second ago
As much as you need time alone to chill out, he can’t seem to leave you be. It’s scary for him, seeing your usually smiling face so serious
He takes a seat outside of your room, and then breaks into pieces no, literally while he waits for you to emerge again
It takes you a few hours, but he’s there the whole time. His feet are pacing around, his head is whining, cheek on the floor. His hands are tapping and picking at the dirt in the wood, but every part of him lights up when he sees you again
“Aha! I see you finally caved. Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”
You pause, and then move to go back inside before he yelps and his hands grab at your ankles. His parts come back together again, using the rest of his body to hold you in place
“Wait! I’m sorry! Please don’t go back!”
He shouts it all in a rush. He’s crying, and there’s snot running down his nose
He looks like a damn mess
It kind of makes you laugh at how desperate he is for you
he pouts up at you and you cave
He basically crawls up your body to hug you. You hug him back, petting his hair and waiting for him to relax, sitting right there in the doorway of your room. People pause as they pass, but a sharp look from you stops them from staying for very long
Mihawk
If Mihawk is actually worked up enough to argue with you, there’s a good reason for it
Usually he makes his point and that’s that. No other words exchanged, nothing more than a slight glance towards you
Mihawk is an introvert, and he gets exhausted from others very easily. He’s not trying to be rude or dismissive towards you when he does this, but that is how it comes off sometimes
He’ll turn his attention back to his book because after he’s said what he wanted to, he figures everything is fine. He understands his logic, why wouldn’t you?
But you, like a lot of people that aren’t Mihawk, are more emotional than he is
Your silence isn’t acceptance, it’s hurt
Only when you get up to leave the room does the thought cross his mind that maybe what he’d said didn’t come off correctly, and you might have just been insulted. But he figures you would come tell him if that were the case, so all is well and he returns to his book
This could go forever, really. Until he notices that you’re giving him the cold shoulder, and then he would stop whatever he was doing- even if he were in another room at the time of realization -and find you to clear things up right away
“Darling, we need to talk right away.”
Straight to the point. He doesn’t really ask you if you want to talk, because he knows if he doesn’t at least make an attempt at this it will haunt him like Perona’s ghosts all night
The thing about Mihawk that not many people know is that he’s got this cool, collected, silent aura about him because he simply does not have the energy to play nice with everyone
So when he’s just arrived home from a Warlord meeting, or somewhere that he was obligated to be present for, all he wants is time to himself to recharge
Having a relationship and balancing this need was something he was still learning
But he loves you so much and the thought of upsetting you over a misunderstanding gnawed at him and gave him massive amounts of anxiety and uncomfortability
He’s not this untouchable guy that everyone thinks he is. You’ve seen this; he laughs and cries like everyone else does
And you understand him. He couldn’t ask for someone better than you are
If you’re willing to, he’ll take your hands and kiss your knuckles.
“I apologize for my behavior. I should have given my words a second thought before I spoke them out loud. What can I do to make this up to you?”
It’s an easy thing to answer- it’s all you wanted since he’d returned, why you kept invading his space before he was ready to emerge and what lead up to the situation in the first place
You tell him you want him. His attention, to be wrapped in his arms. You just want to spend time with him, even if that’s in silence
He can work with that
He presses a kiss to your forehead and makes you promise that you’ll tell him if he ever says or does anything to upset you again. He wants to communicate, not lose out on precious time with you over something small
He goes above and beyond, though. He makes up a very romantic candlelit dinner that night for the both of you to share and even if it’s a very quiet dinner, (minus the music playing softly in the background) it’s perfect
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daydreaming-nerd · 6 days
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The Prophecy (Lucien Vanserra x Rhys! Sister)/(Azriel x Rhys! Sister) Part 3 (Azriel's Version)
Part One , Part 2
AN: "Majesty, Palo is exhausted. Because Majesty only Palo can take this (angst) and this (groveling) and give you...a masterpiece."
No fr guys I put my whole puss into this plz tell me if you liked it
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Summary: The only thing worse than having Azriel not know about the bond is watching him and Elain carry on like she doesn’t have a mate as well. Lucien and you have been long time friends but things change after one fateful starfall celebration. It’s not wrong if both of your mates don’t want you right? 
Warnings: angst, fluff like so much fluff, no editing (I'm so tired omg)
Word count: 9,370
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We arrived in the house in silence, the only thing to fill the void was the crackling of the enchanted fire that always sprang to life whenever I walked through the door. My eyes were fixed on the floorboards, studying every grain of wood as I put together what had just happened. 
I had told Azriel about the bond, and I did it in anger. I had imagined telling him a million different ways over the past 400 years but never did imagine doing it out of spite. I was just so angry with Elain and her insufferable entitlement that had me seeing red. If anyone should act in such a manner, it should be me, I was a princess after all. 
I was furious with Elain there was no doubt about that, but the voice that kept echoing in my mind was Azriel’s. How he yelled at me. I had known him my whole life and I had never once been afraid of him, until today. 
As if he was tired of the silence, Lucien brushed his hand under my chin bringing my gaze to his, it wasn’t until then that I realized I was crying. 
“Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowing at my tear stained cheeks. 
“Yeah,” I laughed him off, wiping the water from my face. 
“I’m sorry I interfered like that, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to speak to him or if you wanted me to kick his ass. But he seemed mad and I wouldn’t stand for him yelling at you.” Lucien apologized leaning against the back of the couch a good three feet away sensing I needed some space. 
“I suppose that I wasn’t sure what I wanted either,” I sigh leaning against the doorframe. “Thank you for stepping in. I think it was for the best.” 
“Of course, I’ll always be there for you,” Lucien nods before resuming his staredown with the floor, probably trying to make sense of everything just like I was. “Az seemed…concerned for you. I think the bond snapped for him.” 
“It did,” I say, running my hand over my chest, as if I could touch the faint glow of the bond that now sat in my chest. “It clicked the moment he saw us in the kitchen.”
“Are you happy it clicked?” he asked, once again asking all the questions I truly didn’t have an answer for, at least not yet. 
“I-I’m not sure.” I say honestly, knowing I didn’t need to hide my true feelings from Lu. “I’ve pictured him finding out a million ways, but over the last couple years I’ve kind of given up on the whole endeavor. I felt like I made it clear that I liked him, and he only met me with complaints about other women. First Mor and then Elain.” 
“Maybe he’s changed,” Lucien pointed out. 
“Even if he had it’s not because he loves me.” I murmured sadly. “You heard him in there. He only wants me because he feels entitled to me. He never once acted like he cared about me beyond being his best friend's little sister.” 
“I suppose you’re right, it’s hard to forgive 400 years of cruel behavior,” Lucien muttered, still staring at that little spot on the floor. 
I strode across the room and leaned against the couch with him. I wanted to say something, anything to break the silence. But it was as if all the air had been sucked from the room in one foul swoop. I had just let out a 400 year old secret and for the first time ever, our mates seemed to give a damn about us. I look to Lucien who is still processing everything and I recall how Elain was so upset to see her mate with another female.
“Elain…” I started, wanting to tread carefully. “She seemed pretty upset,” I said, only stating the obvious. 
Lucien chuckled, “Yeah, I think that’s the first time she’s ever called me her mate.” 
“And how do you feel about that?” I ask wanting to give him the same room to speak that he gave me. I knew if he didn’t feel like sharing he wouldn’t, Lucien was no pushover. 
“I feel strangely happy,” he says and for the first time since we got back his lip curls into a half smile. “I think that she might be willing to give me a chance.” 
My heart warms at the idea of Lucien finally getting to have a chance with his true mate, “I’m really happy for you Lu,” I smile, patting his hand that sat on the back of the couch. 
He snaps out of his trance, “that’s not to say that you’re not- you’re a wonderful woman y/n-” he rambles. 
“Hey, HEY!” I shout getting his attention. “I’m happy for you Lucien. You deserve this,” I laugh at his attempt to not hurt my feelings. 
“Thank you y/n,” he smiles, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. 
“What do we do now though,” I sigh looking at his family ring on my finger. 
His eyes flit to the ring as well as his thumb brushes over it, “We continue on as normal, we can push back the wedding. I’m not confident in what Elain wants from me at this point and you clearly are at odds with Azriel. If things don’t work out…” he trails off thinking about hsi next words. “If things don’t work out I would still be honored to have you as my wife. I still feel like we could make eachother happy.” he says earnestly. 
I look into his eyes of russet and gold and see that he truly means every word, “Okay,” I nod my voice barely above a whisper. 
“Okay,” he agrees, keeping his voice down as well. “Shall we head to bed?” he asks. 
“We shall,” I laugh, following him up the stairs. 
That night we didn’t make love, we cuddled as normal though, but somehow even that felt wrong, now that the bond I prayed over for so long hummed within my chest.
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 While the little High Lord in training was typically quite docile, he had just learned to crawl and had begun flapping his little wings, which meant trouble was becoming the new normal. Which is exactly what had happened today…
“Nyx no!” I shouted as he reached for a heavy book on one of the bookshelves, his tiny wings helping him to gain the extra inch or two of ground he needed. 
I grabbed him from underneath his shoulders and brought him into my arms, bouncing him on my hip as his eyes caught the shiny necklace I was wearing. His little hands grabbed at it and I figured it was better than a vase or another heavy book. 
“Just wait till he can actually fly,” Lucien chuckled, coming up behind me.
“That won’t be for quite a while thankfully,” I laugh, bouncing the babe up and down.
“Are you so sure about that? Cassian seems to already be giving him lessons.” he points out. 
“I don’t even want to think about a flying toddler,” I scoff and Lucien chuckles behind me. 
 He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I could feel his lips curling into a smile.“You’re going to be a great mother one day” he admitted. 
“I’ve always wanted children,” I said and a beat of silence passed until I decided to be bold. “Lu, do you think we could ever have children?” I ask, afraid to turn around and possibly see a wary look on his face.
I felt Lucien’s chuckle reverberate behind me, “Of course, I’ve always been fond of children myself,” he laughed. 
I whipped around with Nyx to search his eyes for a hint of uncertainty, but he seemed happy about the idea, “Really?” I asked in disbelief. 
“Of course,” he assured me. 
“I want a million just like little Nyx here,” I smile looking at the babe in my arms. 
“Minus the wings of course,” Lucien laughs behind me and I pause. 
My entire life I had always pictured my children with wings. Small, delicate little things that I would ‘ooo’ and ‘ahhh’ over.  I remembered seeing the Illyrian children in Windhaven growing up, I was always so happy when mothers would let me hold their babies, their wings so adorably small. I looked forward to having winged children of my own, I always pictured them scaling Azriel when they were little like Nyx, and as they got older I would watch as Az taught them to fly.
“What is it my dear?” Lucien asked, breaking me out of my trance. 
“Oh it’s nothing, it’s just that when I pictured my children I always figured they would have wings,” I say, pressing a kiss to Nyx’s temple. 
As if summoned, Azriel walked in, Rhys and Feyre in tow, signaling that their meeting was over. His eyes flitted to me, no doubt having heard what I had said. Lucien’s hand tightened on my hip.
Feyre’s eyes sparkled at the sight of her son and Rhys eyes sparkled at the sight of Feyre taking their babe from my arms. I reluctantly gave Nyx back, already missing being able to pretend he was my own. 
“He was a little angel,” I report to Feyre.
“If by angel you mean hellion,” Lucien chuckles behind me. 
“I would expect nothing less from a child raised by this family,” Rhys laughed, wrapping one arm around Feyre and brushing a hand against his son’s cherub cheeks. 
A silence rolled over the room as we all watched the little family reunite. I couldn’t help but flit my eyes to Azriel, who looked at them with a grin and a longing in his eyes. His eyes find me and I don’t dare look away. 
“Can we talk?” Azriel asked timidly, taking a step away from the doorway he leaned against. Feyre and Rhys take out of the room, no doubt feeling the change in the atmosphere.  
I searched his eyes for a hint of aggression but all I found was remorse, “Yes we may,” I say quietly.
Lucien releases his grip on my hip as I follow Azriel into Rhysand’s study and close the door behind me with a resolute click signaling that I was locked in here with him. Az takes up residence by Rhys’ desk, leaning against it like some sort of tortured man. I couldn’t help but notice he was still in his fighting leathers, his wings tucked in tight and his knuckles perched over his lips, like he was contemplating what to say. Even now, when he was at his most vulnerable, he was so beautiful. 
“I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. I yelled at you and I shouldn’t have,” he says fidgeting a bit. “Its just… it’s just that I was so pissed when I found him with his hands all over you and you just seemed so happy.” 
He sighs running a hand through his hair staring at the ground, still unable to meet my eyes. 
“I think that’s what bothered me the most,” he continues. “You seemed…happy.”
“You were upset because I was happy?” I scoff furrowing my brows at him, the fucking gall of this male. 
“No, no! Gods y/n,” he corrects me, running his hands down his face clearly upset with himself. “I think I was upset because I wasn’t the one making you happy.” he finally says and I can hear the vulnerability in his voice. 
I’m completely taken back by his words, at the fact that he admitted that he wanted to be the one to make me happy like that. The way Lucien did. It didn’t make any sense, given the fact that he never showed me in the last 400 years. 
“That’s funny coming from a male who’s been complaining to me about the females he’s been in love with for the past 400 years.” I deadpan, crossing my arms. 
“Is that how long you’ve known? 400 years?” he asked me, voice rising a bit. 
I nod, “I knew the night you danced with me on solistance in the Hewn City all those years ago,” I confess. 
“Fuck y/n,” he groans running his hands down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 
“Because you started panting after Mor and the second you gave up on her in walked Elain!” I shouted, it was the most obvious thing ever as to why I didn’t tell him. 
“You had to know that you were first,” he says, snapping his head up to meet mine, pleading in those hazel eyes. 
I gave him a blank stare not knowing what he was talking about. 
“Please tell me you know you were the first, before Mor, before Elain, I was practically on my knees for you,” he confessed. 
Once again I’m left speechless. Could it be true? That he had wanted me before I even knew about the bond? 
I shook my head, even if it was true he was speaking in past tense. I didn’t want him to be my mate because he felt like he had to be, I wanted him to love me, truly love me. I wanted him to choose me.
“I had no idea,” I admit feeling a bit of shame. “But that doesn’t matter anymore, it’s all in the past. I’m not mad at you Azriel.” 
“Thank the cauldron,” he breathes, crossing the room to cup my face.
I place my  hands on his wrists and pull them away from me, “Az I think that you should be with Elain,” I say, stepping back from him. 
“What? No.” he shakes his head and I take another step back.
“You clearly love her and she loves you, the cauldron made a mistake by making us mates, it's as simple as that,” I say trying to hide my tears.
I loved Az, a part of me always would, but I wouldn’t be his consolation prize just because the cauldron fucked up and made me his mate instead of Elain. I couldn’t live with that. 
“No don’t say that, please don’t say that,” Az pleads, his voice softening. 
“I’m sorry Azriel but I won’t be your consolation prize,” I say before grabbing the door handle and walking out into the living room where Lucien was. 
Azriel goes to say more until he hears the hitch in my breath. There, before me, Lucien is tucking a stray hair out of Elain’s face and placing a kiss on her knuckles. A sweet gesture, one I’ve probably read about a thousand times in my romance novels. Lucien’s eyes flit to mine, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen him so happy. 
“We’re going to give it a shot,” he smiles happily, putting an arm around Elain. 
“Really?” I ask looking to Elain who smiles brightly. 
“Yeah we are,” she says smiling up at Lucien. 
“Oh I’m so happy for you two,” I cheer before engulfing them both in a hug. 
“Congrats you guys,” Azriel mutters from behind me, seemingly abandoning whatever he was going to say to me in favor of praising his friends. 
Lucien chuckles at my excitement, “Don’t get too excited, we’re going to have to move my stuff out of your place today, I think it’s time I move back into the townhouse,” he smiled. 
“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get started!” I cheer, grabbing his hands to winnow us away. 
In reality I wasn’t excited about the idea of moving, and much less excited about the idea of my little townhouse being empty again. But I needed to get away from Azriel. 
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One week later:
After the all day affair of moving Lucien’s accumulated stuff out of my house and in the townhouse I was back to loving alone. Which at first wasn’t terrible. I was content to read my book and cook for myself when necessary. But after about a week I began to miss the food Lucien would make, or having someone to lie next to. It was a strange feeling, it felt like a breakup, but I wasn’t sad. I missed having another heartbeat in the house, not Lucien himself. 
After a week of getting my affairs in order my brother finally asked me for some help and I was thankful for the distraction. All week I had been in my own head about all that had happened, with Lu and Elain, with me and Az. I needed a break to think of something else. 
That’s how I found myself slipping on an old day court dress and getting ready to winnow to see Helion, an old friend of mine. I was leaving the house and locking the door when I ran smack into a large chest I screamed being taken off guard. 
“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” a familiar voice apologized, I turn to find Azriel standing before me. 
“It’s okay, I should’ve been paying more attention,” I chuckle awkwardly. I hadn’t heard from the spymaster in a week, why would he come to talk to me now?    
Azriel’s eyes furrow from where they tower over me, “Why are you dressed for the Day Court?” he inquires. 
“Oh well,” I look down at the swaths of white fabric that cascaded down my body, suddenly feeling a bit exposed from off the shoulder dress. “Rhys wants me to go and schmooze Helion a little bit. Something about wanting to get him to agree to better trade deals.” I laugh remembering how my brother agonized over it the other day. 
“So he wants you to go and flirt with Helion?” Az cocks an eyebrow at me. 
“Well Helion and I go way back, and he’s always been…well keen on me.” I say honestly and I watch as Az bristles just a bit. I can’t even count the number of times the High Lord as tired to get Cassian and I in his bed
“I’ll give Rhys one thing he sure is ruthless,” Azriel chuckles trying to play off his nerves. 
“Is there something I can do for you?” I ask, still wondering why he’s here, at my doorstep. 
“Oh uh, no,” Azriel stutters. “Well actually I was walking by and I saw this and I thought of you.” he says pulling out a white rose. It looked like he had plucked it right off the bush down the street. “I thought you should have it.” he finished. 
I take the rose from his hand and notice that the thorns have all been cut off. I eye Truth Teller strapped at his side and the lingering thorn that was still stuck on its sharp blade. 
“That was very thoughtful of you Az thank you,” I tell him sweetly, taken back by his gesture. 
“You’re welcome,” he says, seemingly relaxing at my acceptance of his gift. 
I check my watch, “Well I really do have to go, Helion is waiting for me,” I wince moving past him on the stairs so I can get past the words my brother has on my place. 
“Yes of course,” Az says following me down the steps and out the wrought iron fence. “Do you need a ride?” 
“I’m okay, I can winnow,” I chuckle, closing the gate behind me. 
“Well I guess I’ll see you later then,” Azriel voices with a hint of a sigh. 
“Yeah I’m sure you will,” I reply before winnowing into Helion’s mansion. 
How could Az be so calm about all this? It was like he was trying to force himself to have feelings for me, figuring he better learn to love me now that he’s shackled to me for eternity. Part of me wondered if Rhys had given him a firm talking to and convinced him to attempt to like me.
“There she is,” Helion mused from the top of the stairs coming down the stairs dressed in his usual attire. Part of me hated that I found him attractive, in another life, if he wasn’t so promiscuous, I might’ve seen myself standing by his side. 
“Helion,” I smile, pulling him in for a hug. 
When we pull away his hands linger at my waist and his eyes look at the rose in my hand. “What’s this?” he asks plucking the rose from my hand. 
I think about the encounter with Azriel, how forced it all felt.
“It’s nothing,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. 
Helion tosses the flower aside before throwing his arm over my shoulder and leading me inside, “So, your brother has sent you to convince me to agree to his new trade agreements.” he smirks.
“He’s done nothing of the sort, I came to visit an old friend of my own accord,” I tease, knowing Helion isn’t as daft as Rhys makes him out to be. 
“We’ll see about that new treaty after some wine, and tell your brother that next time he wants to use you against me as leverage he should just send you naked,” Helion chuckles. 
I erupt in laughter, slapping his arm as he leads us to a white couch with a bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table. 
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Three days later after successfully getting Helion to agree to a new trade treaty I found myself sitting in my living room with a glass of wine enjoying the fruits of my labors. As soon as I told Rhys about the High Lord of Day’s cooperation he sent me one of his finest bottles of wine as a thank you. Not that I required any thanks, I enjoyed spending time with Helion. 
My silence was interrupted by my door opening and closing. I just about jumped out of my skin, the only one who had the key to the place was Lucien and he had given it back a long time ago. My heart pounded as I stood from the couch in my nightgown and robe. I had turned in for the night and certainly wasn’t expecting visitors. I lift my romance novel over my head and step around he couch ready to swing when I see Azriel locking the door behind him quietly. 
“Azriel you scared the hell out of me,” I sigh, lowering the book. 
He turns from the door looking me up and down taking in my casual attire hungrily. “I’m sorry I guess I’m just used to walking right in, I wanted to give you these,” he says holding out a large bouquet of white roses, exactly like the kind he gave me the other day.”
“Thank you Az, they’re beautiful,” I say wearily, taking them from his scarred hands. “I’ll uh- I’ll just put them in water,” I tell him, padding into the kitchen to grab a vase and fill it. 
“I thought since you liked the other one I gave you that you might like those ones too,” he says walking into the kitchen and leaning in my doorway. 
I place the two dozen roses in a vase,“Well I appreciate them, it’s been a while since I’ve had fresh flowers in the house,” I divulge to him, remembering how Lucien used to bring them home all the time. He would always ask for Elain to make him a bouquet, his little way of speaking to her in a way that didn’t make her uncomfortable. The thought had me thinking of how Lucien and Elain were probably sitting at a nice dinner right now, had me questioning why the fuck Azriel was here. 
A silence fills the room as Azriel sits admiring either me or the flowers, from where I’m standing it could be either or. I walk around the kitchen island to test the theory and sure enough his eyes follow me as I lean my back against the side closer to him.  A wave of embarrassment slips over me. Did Rhys ask him to bring more flowers again? Was I really that pathetic? 
“Az why are you doing this?” I ask, gesturing to the flowers behind me. 
Azriel straightens taking a tentative step towards me, “Because I want what Elain and Lucien have. I want you to give me a chance to be a good mate,” he says softly. 
I look to the wooden floors below me, my bare feet messing with a loose floorboard, “You don’t have to do this Azriel. If Rhys sent you I’ll just cover for you and say you came.” I say not daring to look at him. 
“I’m not here because of Rhys, I’m here because I want to see you,” he implored and I heard his feet shuffle closer. 
“I’m still not your consolation prize just because Lucien and Elain are doing well. I won’t do that to myself,” I say, continuing to mess with the loose floorboard. 
“You’re not my consolation prize y/n, you’re my mate.” Azriel states, his voice becoming more urgent causing me to tighten my arms around myself ever so slightly. 
His boots come into my line of sight and suddenly he’s titling my chin up to meet his pleading gaze. I’m suddenly all too aware of how underdressed I was. There was a time when I would’ve killed for this. But now? I won’t let myself be hurt again.
“Y/n please-” 
“Azriel I’m at peace,” I snap, cutting him off and looking down at our feet once again even though his hand still rested under my chin. “For the first time in 400 years I’m at peace. I have loved, and pined, and thrown myself at your feet for 400 years, and I am finally happy in my exile. So forgive me if I’m hesitant to give that up so quickly because you all of the sudden want a mate.” I bit out.
His shadows dance around my hands and I move my fingers out of their grasp, like their cold kiss was burning me.I wait for him to say something back, for him to breathe wrong, yell at me or leave but he doesn’t move. I let my eyes flit up to his, and I find him staring down at me, like he’s been waiting for me to look at him this whole time. 
“I’m not going to give up,” he states, if he was sad or upset by my previous words he doesn’t show it. 
I sigh, tossing my head back, “Az please,” I beg. 
“No I’m serious, I’m not giving up on you, on us,” he maintained steadfastly, his hands not leaving my cheek as he steps even closer to me and my back hits the cool granite behind me. 
“Azriel I think you should go,” I grit out, the second my body stiffens under his he steps back giving me my space. 
“Alright I’ll go,” he says, taking a step back.
I follow him to the door and hold it open as he steps out into the cool night air that has me wrapping my silk robe around me tighter, as if it was helping anything anyways. 
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he assures me before shooting off into the sky. 
“I really wish you wouldn’t!” I shout into the air after him before slamming the door and locking it. 
I take a deep breath once I’m seated on my couch again, trying to salvage any sort of peace I might still have. But that tranquility was disappearing in my hands the more I chased it. 
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The following day I head to Rhys’ house to talk over the new adjustments in the Day Court trade agreements. It was supposed to be easy enough, but as things got more and more complex it ended up being an all day thing. By the time I walked up the steps to my own townhouse I was exhausted and starving. I wasn’t looking forward to bread for dinner as I had no time to go to the market today. 
I kicked open the door and locked it behind me, the smell of fresh tomatoes and basil wafted through the air causing me to pause in my tracks. Was Lucien here? Had him and Elain gotten in a fight or something?
“Ah shit!” I heard a male cuss followed by the searing of liquid on a burner. 
I curiously walk around the corner of the kitchen where I’m greeted with the sight of Azriel, standing in my apron, reading my cookbook and stirring some sort of sauce. His shadows were helping him turn the pages of the book. I see the spilled sauce on the burner that was the cause of his profanity just moments ago. 
“There you are,” he smirked, his eyes flitting up to mine before reading the book again. 
“Az what are you doing here?” I ask, setting my bag down on the table. 
“Making you dinner,” he said, gesturing to the numerous used pans and utensils lying around my once clean kitchen. 
I walk over to inspect what he’s cooking. Fresh herb crusted chicken cooks in the pan next to him while he stirs a red sauce. In the sink is cooked pasta sitting next to freshly sauteed green beans. I inhale the smell of the food deeply and I can’t help but feel myself salivate a little, it smells delicious. 
“You always dog ear the recipes you want to try but you never make them for fear of not liking them,” he says nonchalantly as he prods at the chicken. 
I look down at the cookbook he’s reading, sure enough the recipe he’s making has a bent corner. I had been itching to try it but had never found the time. 
“If you end up not liking it there’s take out from Rita’s in the ice box,” he said using the spoon to point to the ice box in the corner of the room.
I look up to fully inspect him. This all feels like a ridiculous practical joke. If someone had told me that my spymaster would be cooking me dinner I would’ve laughed in their face. Upon further inspection I realize he’s shirtless, save for my apron he’s wearing. 
“Was the half nudity necessary?” I cock an eyebrow leaning against the counter. 
Azriel barked out a laugh, “It took me a while to find the apron, I had gotten tomato juice on my shirt when I started chopping them up for the sauce so I took it off and washed it,” he explained the corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk. “Plus I figured the whole shirtless bit might win me more brownie points with you.” 
I rolled my eyes at his cockiness, I didn’t dare let him know how right he was. 
He laughed at my reaction, “Why don’t you go sit down, dinner’s almost ready.” he said gesturing to the couch. 
I shrugged my shoulders and padded my way over to my favorite reading spot. The one he found me in yesterday. I plop down on the velvet sofa and there in front of me on the coffee table, my book has been left open to the place I bookmarked and a glass of wine sits for me. I raise an eyebrow but decide to just roll with it, I pick up the book and sip on the wine, becoming engrossed with the story.
A few minutes later I feel the cold begin to bite at my toes. I look around for a blanket and see that the nearest one is across the room. I curse at the idea of having to move, but before I can even set my book down one of Azriel’s shadows is scurrying across the room to retrieve the knitted blanket for me. The wisp of darkness arranges the blanket neatly over my legs, tucking me in like a mother would her child.  I can’t help but laugh at the care the little thing is putting into the job. 
Azriel’s shadows looking out for me was nothing new, the second the bond clicked for me they tended to stay near me. Picking up pens and silverware I dropped on the floor and always twirling around my hair and wrists. There were even times they would try to drag Az near me, like on starfall and solstice, nights I looked especially beautiful. But he would always curse and wave them off until they left him alone. 
The little shadow perched itself on my shoulder as if it too wanted to read my book. I could sense it was trying to anticipate any other small need I might have. 
“You know he might be insufferable but you guys are pretty great,” I laugh looking at the curious being. 
In response the shadow boops itself on my nose as if it was giving me a kiss. 
“Don’t tell them that or they’ll get a big head,” Azriel murmurs behind me where he’s leaning against the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, still shirtless and wearing that damned apron.
“In that case I’ll be sure to praise them more often, they’re little angels,” I smile as the tendril of darkness dances around my collar. 
Azriel lets out a small chuckle behind me, “Dinner is ready,” he tells me before disappearing into the kitchen once more. 
I follow him as the small shadow frantically pulls at my wrist towards the table, as if it’s eager for me to see what it helped its master cook. When I walk into the darkened kitchen and find that Az has set the table not only with our dinner but with candles and another bouquet. This time it’s an arrangement of jasmine, no doubt from the florist down the street. 
I sit down and inhale the heavenly scent of the white flowers and hum in delight. Azriel comes in with a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring us each a bit. He sees me admiring the flowers and smiles. 
“Jasmine, like your perfume,” he says, putting down the bottle and taking his seat next to me. 
I smile and look down at the plate before me. It looks delicious, the pasta is fragrant with basil, the chicken is cooked to perfection and the green beans are vibrant and green. I lift my fork and dig into the past first. The moment it hits my tongue the flavor melts in my mouth, rich, bold and oh so savory. I let out a moan as my eyes flit to Azriel who is watching me expectantly wondering if I’m going to like it or not. 
“This is incredible,” I say, covering my mouth with my hand so he doesn’t see me chewing. 
“Thank the cauldron I thought I put too much red pepper in,” he breathes out, seemingly relaxing before digging into his own plate. 
“No it’s perfect, thank you really,” I say earnestly. 
“You’re welcome,” he smiled, taking a bite of chicken.
We sit and eat our meals in silence simply enjoying the good food. A little shadow flitted up in front of my face to gauge my reaction to the bite of chicken I was chewing. I couldn’t help but laugh as it shifted like it was cocking its head at me. 
“Yes it’s very good, you did a wonderful job,” I laugh at the little fella. 
My giggle brings Azriel’s attention to me once again and before I know it he’s waving his hand at the little tendril like he’s swatting a fly. 
“Hey go away let her eat for the love of god,” he chastises as the shadow slinks back behind him. 
“Don’t worry it wasn’t bothering me,” I laugh taking another bite of green beans. 
“Yeah well they haven’t been listening lately,” he says looking back at the little shadow that had slinked behind his shoulder like a reprimanded child. 
I shake my head at the two of them interacting and take another sip of wine. To be honest I wasn;t really sure what to say to Azriel. Despite his valiant efforts to win me I still wasn’t ready to abandon the peace I had grown so fond of. 
“You know it’s funny,” he tells me, playing with the food on his plate. “I feel like my shadows have always liked you. It was like they knew before I did,” he laughed nervously at his confession. 
“Maybe so,” I shrug, not wanting to broach the subject, the friendlier we could make this the better.
“I can remember times when they would drag me into any room that had you in it. Most of the time I control them, but when it comes to you? They control me.” he laughs while taking a sip of his wine. 
“Thank you again for dinner,” I say, forcibly changing the topic of conversation. “It’s been a while since I had a home cooked meal. I think the local restaurants have my to-go orders memorized now.” I laugh. 
“Lucein used to cook for you didn’t he?” Azriel asks, and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head as I play with the pasta on my plate. 
“Yeah he did, he was a surprisingly good cook too,” I say, recalling the traditional Autumn Court meals he would cook all the time. They were mostly for him, for when he was feeling nostalgic, but he always left some for me as well. 
Azriel sits for a moment as if debating whether or not to say something for a moment. “Did you love him?” he asks. 
My fork clatters to the plate at the abrupt question and I’ve never felt so put on the spot. It was never something I had thought about in regards to the autumn court male. Love seemed like an emotion  that would be reserved for Azriel and Azriel alone, until one day it wasn’t. I didn’t love Lucien, but I certainly stopped loving Az in that way, or at least I think I did.
“No I didn’t” I say honestly turning to meet the shadowsingers gaze. “Lucien and I… it was never like that. We both knew what we needed for each other, it started as just sex. But then he would stay the night, and then we started going to breakfast. His shirts started showing up in the laundry hamper, his books on the coffee table. Eventually I just gave him a key, it seemed like the logical thing to do. We didn’t even label our relationship until he asked me to marry him.” 
“I wasn’t sure,” Azriel said, going back to shyly staring down at the table. “I overheard your conversation that one day. When you asked him about the possibility of having children. You said that you always pictured your children having wings, was that true?” he inquired. 
I nod shallowly, unable to trust my own words in such a raw moment. 
If Az had any other questions he didn’t ask them or press me to talk about the two of us, it was as if he was happy with the answers I did give him. He was perfectly content to let me finish eating my meal in comfortable silence. When I was finished he cleared the table and didn’t let me lift a finger to help clean. Instead those pesky shadows cornered me into reading my book once more. 
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he came in, dressed in his shirt once more to bid me goodnight. He insisted that I stay in my comfortable spot by the couch as he walked himself out locking the door behind him. As the comfortable silence, which I had grown so used to, ensued, I found myself silently wishing he had stayed just a little longer.
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The following weeks were spent with little visits from shadows and shadowsingers. Sometimes it would be Azriel showing up at my door with coffee or gifts. Other times, when Rhys had Azriel on missions he would find ways to leave things at my doorstep. The first time it was another bouquet of flowers and then chocolates. 
My favorite gift from Azriel had been the books. The first set he got me was the second and third book in my series. They appeared at my door the morning after he made me dinner with a note that read…
I noticed that you were almost done with your book last night so I went out to get you the second book. I noticed it was a short book so I got you the third in case you finished it in one day like you no doubt will. 
-Azriel
Of course he was right and I finished the second book by the end of the day. When I opened the third, and much longer book, to begin reading it a bookmark fell out and another note. 
I figured you might need a bookmark for this one.
-Azriel
He was right about that as well. 
The next book to be delivered was a classic romance with certain pages, and quotes underlined. His notes scribbled in the margins. Clearly he had taken the time to read the novel himself. When I saw the first annotation I expected his further notes to be corny or cheesy, but each one was well thought out. 
The most recent literally delivery was a small and short book about different types of flowers. Between each of the pages sat a live flower that corresponded with the page. It was possibly the most vibrant and beautiful bouquet I had ever seen and by far my favorite floral gift I had received. 
This week though things had been different. As the colder months were drifting in I started spending more time inside, reading by the fire. But not once had Azriel stopped by. Not a present, not a note to be found. When I subtly asked Rhys were the shadowsinger was he told me he was in the isle of Hybern. 
A week had come and gone without so much as a tendril of a shadow to be seen. I sat infront of my roaring fire with a book in hand trying to escape the bitter cold. Outside the first snowfall of the year had taken the form of a blizzard. I pitied the shopkeepers that would have to walk home in it. 
Around midnight I heard the scraping of metal against stone from outside my house. I jumped out of my skin and quickly looked at the clock noting the late hour. I set down my novel to wrap myself in a blanket and pad over to the front door. I could already hear the winds outside and feel the cold air seeping in through the cracks in the door. 
I open the door to investigate the strange sound and I nearly gasp when I find Azriel outside my house shoveling my walkway with a small shovel from my garden. One meant for digging out plants and trees, not snow. 
“Az what are you doing?” I ask, making the spymaster jump a bit. 
“I’m shoveling your walkway. I didn’t want you to slip tomorrow morning or hurt your back trying to shovel it yourself,” he said, digging into the snow again with the little metal shovel. 
“Oh Az you don’t have to do that,” I coo walking out into the cold pulling my blanket tighter. 
“I don’t have to but I want to,” he said shoveling more snow. “It wouldn’t take so long if I had a bigger shovel.” he grunts, frustrated.
“Well why didn’t you take Rhys’ shovel?” I laughed watching as the overgrown Illyrain tried to mangle the tiny thing. 
“Well I just got back from Hybern, I saw it had snowed and I came here first.” he explained and my heart swelled. He had come to my place first before he even went home. “I figured if I didn’t do it you would fall and break your head open.” 
“Azriel, really you don’t have to do this, I can handle it,” I plead with him feeling bad that he’s subjected himself to the weather. 
He stops his shoveling and turns to look at me, “y/n I want to do this. Don’t worry about it.” he says before looking me up in down seeing that I’m in nothing but a short nightgown and a blanket. “Now go inside before you catch a cold.” 
“Me? What about you?” I laugh looking around at the snow falling around us. 
“I’m Illyrian the snow doesn’t bother me,” he retorts and I can tell that he’s lying by the pink in his cheeks from the cold.
“Well I’m half Illyrian,” I counter, swinging back and forth on my heels. 
“Then I’m sure half of you is really cold,” he rebuttals. “Now go back inside and get warm before I carry you inside myself.” he smirks before shoveling up another heap of snow. 
I just shake my head and retreat to the warm fireplace awaiting me. 
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I waltz into the House of Wind  where the Solstice party is in full swing. Lords from neighboring courts are chatting and drinking all around and from the corner of the room I can hear Cassian’s booming laugher as he doubles over at something Helion has said. 
Like almost every solstice party I arrive fashionably late. I truly never mean to be the last to arrive, but it feels like the whole guest list decides to arrive early just to spite me. I make my way around the area where couples and children are dancing to a small quartet and head toward the bar. My dress billows behind me like liquid starlight. Just like every solstice party before this one, I will get by with copious amounts of wine. 
I lean against the bar and watch as Elain and Lucien laugh and giggle across the room. I smile as Elain pops a pastry into Lu’s mouth and I can’t help but feel a warmness in my chest at the two of them. Lucien was finally happy with his mate, and if there was ever someone who deserved such happiness it was him. 
My thoughts are interrupted by a shadowy friend making its presence known. Flying up by my face to say hello and then rushing behind me as if it was called. I turn to see Azriel dressed immaculately staring at me. His eyes flit up and down my body taking in every detail of me.
“You look…” He trails off, shaking his head, as if the words he was going to say wouldn’t be the right ones. “There are no words. Even the poets would get it wrong.”
I can’t help but blush at his choice of words, taking a step toward him as the shadows behind me are pushing me to do so. 
“You clean up pretty good yourself, spymaster,” I chuckle giving him a once over.
He blushes and then speaks again, “I mean it, you look beautiful tonight y/n.” 
I blush again and turn my head to avoid his gaze, like that shade of hazel might burn me from the inside out if I look too long.
“You must allow me to dance with you,” he says, taking both our drinks and placing them on the bar. “Not having you out on that dance floor would be a disservice to everyone here.”
I laugh taking his outstretched hand and allowing him to lead me to the dancefloor, “Alright Az you’ve convinced me, but only because I know you won’t step on my feet,” 
We fall into a comfortable motion, swaying back and forth to the slow tempoed song the quartet is playing. The couples around us filter around us, some lost in deep conversation, some embraced closely swaying to the song. I keep my eyes on them, knowing that Azriel’s gaze is on me. 
Memories of a solstice much like this one float through my mind. The way my feet ached before Azriel saved me, sweeping me up into a dance. The way the bond felt when it snapped into place for me. I had pulled on it so desperately hoping he might feel it too. I thought of all the years of agony that followed that night. Watching Az fall for Mor and later on Elain. Hearing my brother and Cassian talking about Azriel’s exploits in bedding local women. All of it tore me apart and it took over 200 years to rebuild the part of me that I had lost. I wondered if I would ever be whole like that again. 
I hear Elain and Lucien’s laughter once more, the sound breaking me from my thoughts as Azriel and I continue to sway to the music. 
“They make a great couple,” Azriel’s deep voice rumbles through me. 
I smile watching Lucine place a kiss to his mates lips, “They really do,” I say with a lightness to my voice. 
“Do you think we’ll ever be like that?” He asks tentatively and my world comes crashing down. 
“Az,” I say and his face falls at the dismissal in my tone. 
“Why not y/n? Why can’t we have a shot like they can?” Azriel says starting to get upset.
As if on queue the song that the quartet is playing ends and I hear the musicians flipping through their sheet music to find the next song. I pull my hands out of Azriel’s and take a few steps back.
“I think it’s time for me to go,” I say calmly, trying not to let the damn of tears break. I swiftly move past him towards the door. 
“Y/n wait!” I hear him call out behind me but I’m already out the door, my tears falling down my face as I make my way back to that empty townhouse in the middle of the city. 
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The rain outside my house slams into the window violently. Spring has come early in Velaris and I wasn’t exactly upset about it. At least I wasn’t until this torrential downpour blew into town. I hadn’t seen rain like this in the Night Court for at least a hundred years now.
It’s been weeks since solstice and it seems that Azriel has finally taken the hint and left me alone. I hadn’t heard a peep from him since that dance. Not a flower, chocolate or shadow to be seen and while I should be happy about it I had never been sadder. After all the walls I put up trying to keep my peace it seemed that he had succeeded in breaking them down again. 
I sat by the fire staring down at the dancing flames, no book, not even a glass of wine or tea. Just me and my all consuming thoughts. Each one of them led back to hazel eyes and blue siphons. 
I jump at the sound of a fist pounding on my door. Pulling my sweater tighter to cover up my nightgown I walk over to investigate who would have the guts to stand out in this monsoon at this hour. When I open the door I find Azriel bracing his arms against the doorframe, out of breath like he ran here. His hair soaking wet and sticking to his brow as the rain pelted him. 
“Az?” I shout over the sound of rain. 
“I can’t go on like this any longer y/n, I won’t do it!” he shouts over the storm. 
“Az it’s pouring what are you-” 
“I love you y/n!” he shouts stopping me mid sentence. “From the moment I met you I knew. I wanted so badly to put my hands around your waist and kiss you. And if you’re wondering why that seems like such an adolescent dream it’s because that’s what we both were. I was 117 years old and  you were 115 and that’s all I wanted. I knew little of love, even less of lust. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss you,” he hollers over the sound of rain wiping the water from his eyes.
“I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve hurt you, but I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, because I love you. And I don’t care that you don’t love me too, because I love you y/n. I choose to love you!” he finishes and I can’t tell if it's rain falling from his eyes or tears that match my own. 
I choose to love you.
I take a shaky breath and take in the sheer desperation on his face, “I love you too Azriel,” I laugh feeling another tear slip down my cheek. 
He doesn’t waste a moment, stepping through my threshold and cupping my cheek to place a searing kiss on my lips. I melt into him, feeling his clothes soaking my own as my nightgown clings to my skin. His hands are on my waist, scarred and cold from the elements but still so intoxicating. My arms wrap around him pulling him further into the entryway. I hear him slam the door shut with his boot drowning out the sound of rain leaving only the music of our ragged breaths as he kisses me deeper. 
He pulls away to press his forehead to mine, his wet hair and skin causing drops of water to cascade down my own face. 
“I love you so much,” he breathes cupping my cheek to press a chaste kiss to my lips. “My mate.”
I pull him in deeper at the utterance of those two little words. I had waited 400 years for this male to kiss me, and this kiss right here? Well it made everything all the more worth it. 
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Epilogue: 5 years later
I stand outside on the lawn of the townhouse. My arms clutching around the sweater I’m wearing as the fresh spring air blows over my skin. My hands drift lower to the small bump of my stomach. 
I was only a few months pregnant and barely starting to show. Elain had told me that it would be a girl claiming she had seen it in a vision. I couldn’t have been more excited for Azriel to be a girl dad. 
“You’re doing it son!” I hear my mate call from the sky where he teaches our son to fly. 
“Dad, I'm flying!” the onyx haired child shouted as he flapped his wings to pick up some speed.
At first I was apprehensive of him learning to fly so early, even though it had always been a dream of mine to watch my children learn to fly. But Azriel had assured me that the youngster was more than ready, and after a few weeks of lessons here he was taking to the air like a natural. 
I look around at the townhouse behind me. It had seen some significant changes since the night Azriel stood in the rain and told me he loved me. The front yard was littered with toy swords and shields, and the outside had a fresh coat of paint. The inside had a room addition, a room for our son, Kai, and now we're adding another room for our daughter. All paid for by Rhys of course who was more than happy to give his nephew and niece everything under the sun.
My thoughts are interrupted by Azriel slamming into the ground before me. I turn to see him walking over to me with a smile on his face. 
“Az shouldn’t you be up there with him?!” I fuss looking to where our son swoops and dives through the air. 
Azriel laughs and picks me up bridal style, pressing a kiss to my lips. 
“It didn’t feel right being up there without my girls,” he smiled nodding to my bump. 
Without warning he took off into the sky meeting Kai up there. We must’ve spent hours flying around the city, stopping by every uncle and aunt's house to show them Kai’s new skill. Everything was perfect, and for the first time in my whole life, I finally knew peace.
(Do you guys want a smutty bonus chapter of what they did after he confessed his love???)
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moonlightdreamzz · 10 months
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As Mark lies next to you, you can't help but smile adoringly. He's exhausted, yet he's battling the slumber that's attempting to take hold of him, just so he can affectionately gaze into your eyes. Every few minutes, his eyelids close and his head begins to sink into your couch, but he quickly catches himself, startling awake.
His hands are at a respectful place, your left hip, and yours have been caressing his cheek, scalp, and neck since the minute he laid down. This moment, although it won’t last long considering he has to leave in the morning, is so fulfilling.
“Go to sleep.” Your try your best to make your smile warm and inviting. You continue rubbing gentle circles onto him, but on his earlobe now, hoping it will be even more confirmation for him that you’re not upset at his exhaustion. His hand lifts from your hips for a mere second in protest, and you smile deviously as you know his resentment is coming from a place of deep comfort. The longer you rub, the more tired he gets, and he doesn’t want to be tired.
“I’m good. Let me just enjoy this, please. I haven’t seen you in way too long.” He wines, scooting closer to you. Your nose is on his now, and you can’t help but giggle as he begins to wiggle his eyebrows at you, as if that’s going to make you stop your antics.
“Utterly in love” is the term to describe the warm and fuzzy feeling you get whenever he’s around. He’s as perfect as a human being can be, and you’re not sure if he’s in love with you too yet, but you really hope he is. He has to feel something deeper than like with you at this point, considering instead of going back to his dorm and collapsing due to his intense schedules, he called you, begging to lay up with you because “I just wanna feel you in my arms tonight.”
You force him down on the sofa and climb on top of him, pressing his soft cheeks into your palms. In a delicate and encouraging kiss, your lips meet his, and he melts into yours. His breathing is slow and easy as his strong arms wrap around your waist, drawing you in as close as he can.
“Rest.” You giggle once you pull away. Your fingertips try to close his eyelids, and for a brief second, you believe you've won, but his doe eyes open at you again. He swallows hard, as if he had a secret to reveal but doesn't want to be judged for it.
“Say it.” You whisper encouragingly, although you have no idea what he could have on his mind. You know it will be sweet and romantic—definitely along the lines of him telling you how much appreciates you for always being so understanding, but he always says things like that to you. So what can it be?
“I think—I really think I’m in love with you, Y/N.”
Your heart stops for a split second before restarting. You're sweating profusely and itching all over, but you can't scratch because you don't want Mark to see how he's eroding your frigid aura day by day.
"I know I'm head over heels in love with you." You exclaim, exhaling a breath you weren't even aware you were holding.
“Really?”
“Really.”
Nothing else needs to be said after this. Mark smiles at you in a way that you’d never seen him look at anything before, not even himself in a mirror. His hands are on your cheeks now, pulling you in for a kiss that shows you that there is no question about it—he’s in love with you too.
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Follow You Anywhere 2
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, controlling behavoiour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You’re online existence threatens to leak into your real life.
Characters: Captain Syverson
Note: slept like crap last night but we got this.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖
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Sy is nice enough but you're still put off by your meeting. He carries a bag gallantly to a large black truck and pulls open the back door to place it on the seat. He turns to you to take the next. You hug it, wondering if you should settle for half your load and run for the hills.
Still, you can't help but feel beholden to him. The pin on his hat and the way he looks at you. He just seems a bit oblivious to how unsettling his approach Is.
He takes the bag and you just stare. You feel hollow and your ears are on fire. You just keep going along with this and that voice in your head is screaming at you to stop.
“Here,” he shuts the back door and pulls the passenger's open.
You look at him then into the truck. Are you crazy!? You can't just go with this man in his vehicle…
You grab onto the interior of the door and climb up into the truck. He touches your lower back gently as if to help you. You drop into the seat and thank him, trying not to let your fear bubble over.
He shuts the door and your stomach plummets. Are you being kidnapped? Are you letting yourself be abducted? Oh, you're gonna end up on a podcast.
He gets in the driver's side as you sink into the horror movie unfolding in your head. You look over at him as he unfolds a pair of dark sunglasses and puts them on to block out the sun's glare. He's so calm it's frightening. He knows exactly what's coming and you can't even begin to imagine the sheer terror awaiting you.
Maybe a nice basement cell. Worse, a field and a hole six feet deep. Your heart feels like it's stopped. Your vision is hazy and your ears are ringing.
The truck rolls backwards and lurches you back to reality. You blink and look over the hood. Sy pulls out of the spot smoothly and cranks the wheel to straighten out.
“Y'okay, sweetie?” He asks as he comes to the exit.
“Mmm, yeah,” you eke out as you grip the inside of the door. “I'm all good I just… I never expected to meet a follower.”
“Yeah, I uh… you know, I only ever dreamed it. Being over there, the days… well you don't know if you'll see the next, or even the night,” he lets out a deep breath, “I didn't put real thought into it til I got back and… it's so fu– so, er, lonely, you know? You're the only thing that was the same.”
“Oh,” your cheeks twitch as you attempt a smile, “that's very sweet. I… you know, I kinda just do the streams to get my thoughts out, it's not really… I don't know.”
“I like it. It's peaceful,” he drives down the street as the passing buildings spike your concern. “Don't get much of that.”
“Sure, I… I can imagine.”
“Hey, if it means keeping sweet things like you safe, I'll do it,” he chuckles. 
Before you can respond, he slams on the breaks and his tires skid. A car in front of him flashes their tail light. He snarls and you watch the fury furrow above his brows.
“You fu–” his booming voice catches and he bites down on his words, growling instead. “Ugh,” he exhales, “that guy… coulda got hurt…”
“Yeah,” you clasp your hands together.
"Or he coulda hurt us!" He throws a hand up.
“That was close," you mewl, "but we're okay, right?”
He inhales and looks at you. He closes his eyes and nods, “you're right, sweetie.”
You bite down, fighting not to show your fear. There's something in him that threatens to boil over. You can see it in the vein popping out along his forehead.
“So, I know a place, they got good bacon, probably some good french toast,” he leans on the pedal again, “get some whip cream on top?”
“Well, I appreciate it but I really should get home,” you say gently, “but maybe another time–”
“It's my treat, sweetie,” he insists, “it's been a long time since I got to sit down to eat with a pretty girl.”
“Oh,” is all you can muster. You don't want to push him. You know the tenuous tightrope walk. Just do what he wants, keep him happy.
“I didn't say… you look real nice today. That's my favourite of yours,” he keeps one hand on the wheel and points towards you, “the overalls.”
“Thank you,” you murmur and twist your fingers, letting out a rocky chuckle.
“So cute when you do that,” he rumbles and rests his hand on the corner of your seat, “that lil laugh.”
“Um, yeah, sorry, I… it's  a habit.”
“Nah, I like it,” he assures you and rescinds his hand to flip his signal on.
He turns into another plaza and you see the bright painted sign above a diner. A white cup on a teal banner. You've never been there but you pass it on the bus. He pulls up right at the front of the lot before the windows. You can see people inside as waitress carry trays between tables.
“I don't know about you but I'm starving,” he drawls and undoes his seat belt.
You sit in the seat, paralysed and helpless. He comes around your side and you click the button on your own belt. You turn and he offers his hand to help you get down. When you ignore it, he grabs your arm to ease your landing.
He swings the door shut and you shuffle past him. You have no choice but to keep going. Get through this and you'll go home and block him. Maybe even delete your whole account.
He reaches around you as you come up to the door and pulls it open. Be sweeps you inside with his arm and follows you through. A waitress in a black blouse greets you and you look to Sy over your shoulder.
“Table, thank you,” he says.
She leads you to a table for two and you sit, arms crossed as you rock nervously. He orders coffee as he slides off his sunglasses and the waitress turns to you. You push yourself straight. 
“Um, chocolate milk, please,” you request.
“Right away, hon,” she leaves you with the menus as you unfold your arms and pick at your thumbnail.
“So cute, chocolate milk,” he comments as he takes the laminated menu from the table, “oh, look,” he flicks it, “French toast. Can get berries with it.”
You look down and lean forward to see past the sheen of the plastic sheath. You narrow in on the French toast but your stomach rolls. You're too nervous to be hungry.
“Yeah, looks good,” you say, “um, I gotta use the bathroom.”
“Sure,” he smiles as he browses the menu.
You get up, wobbling slightly before you get your balance. You search for the sign to the restrooms and head down the short hall behind the kitchen. You dip inside and lock yourself in a stall.
You really can't afford to abandon your groceries. Worse, you don't dare anger him. He's nice but you don't know how nice he'd be if you ran out on him. Just get yourself together, it's just breakfast. You'll get through it then try to forget your stupidity.
You should've known better but you didn't have enough followers to worry  it never even occurred to you but it should be. It's your own fault.
You take a few minutes to mellow out. You don't quite get there but the longer you stay, the longer he has to get suspicious. No, you're not going to run. You don't think you'll get very far.
You come back out and return to the table. As you sit, he sips his coffee and his eyes crinkle at you. Your chocolate milk is waiting beside a wrapped straw. As you tear through the paper, you sense him watching you.
He clinks his cup down, "ordered your french toast. Extra sugar... since you're so sweet."
You issue a brittle chuckle. You stare at him. He's taken his cap off, revealing a shaved head above his thick beard. His shoulders are broad, all of him is. He's so thick and his arms are bulging with muscle beneath his tee shirt. His eyes are a brilliant shade of blue, a contrast to the rest of his rough exterior.
"You don't gotta be shy," his voice gristle in his throat as he leans forward, elbows on the table. "What do ya wanna know?"
"Pardon?" You croak.
"Well, I know everything about you," he grins, "you barely know me."
You gulp, wavering like you've been knocked upside the head. You part your lips and peer around. His self-awareness if almost there but not quite.
"I..." you don't know what to say or ask or do. He toys with the handle of his coffee cup. "What do you take.... in your, uh, coffee?"
He chuckles, "really? Why's that? You planning to bring me coffee in the mornings?"
You meet his eyes again and he winks. You giggle and move your lips like a gasping fish.
"Teasing, ya, sweetie, I don't wanna rush you," he says, "I take it black, but I don't mind some cream on Sundays."
You nod, embarrassed, and poke your straw into your cup, leaning forward to slurp up the chocolate milk. His eyes linger on your lips as you do. You pull back and take a napkin to wipe your mouth.
"Erm... well, what... how did you... find my page?"
He sits back, gripping the edges of the table as he sighs, "I was just scrolling around but I'm starting to think it's something bigger than us, you know? I was goin' through it. I needed something and there you were, showin' off those new boots you got with the flower."
Flowers? You got those boots over a year ago. You remember that stream. He's been watching you that long.
"Oh, ha, right," you murmur.
"There aren't many people out there like you left, you know? I've seen the worst in people but in you, I saw the best," he explains, "the way you just take everything in. Looking at the flowers and the birds and... you just know how to appreciate life."
You smile and nod. What else can you do as the world crashes down? He was there yesterday. That blurry figure behind you in the photo, the shadow creeping just beyond your sight. You don't doubt it was him.
“I try, er…”
You sit back as the waitress approaches. She puts a plate before you, French toast with a side of fruit salad, sugar and whip on top of the bread. She lays down Sy's plate, mounded in eggs, home fries, sausage, and two types of bacon, with rye toast. You would guess that is just barely enough to fill him up.
“Dig in,” he says as he grabs his cutlery.
You sit forward and take your fork and knife. You cut into the eggy bread and stab the small triangle of the corner. As you raise your fork, Sy growls, “get some cream too, sweetie.”
You flinch but do as he says. You swipe the bread through the dolloped cream and shove it through your lips. You stare at your plate as you chew. You wish he wouldn't watch you. You don't like eating in front of others.
“Is it good?” He asks.
“Very,” you swallow and cover your mouth.
“Don't worry, I think it's cute you got cream on your lips,” he plucks up a piece of bacon with his fingers, “didn't get good fixings like this in the sh– over there,” he bites into the strip and chews.
“Yeah, I wouldn't think…” you twirl your fork nervously, “do you have to go back?”
“Mmm, not anytime soon. They're tryna get me on a desk,” he shrugs, “might be a good change but I don't know if I'm suited to it…” he tosses back the rest of the bacon, chewing thoughtfully, “but I'm about that age. Gotta settle down, so I figure, makes sense.”
“Right, right, yeah, fair,” you garble mindlessly.
“Besides, when you got someone at home, you don't wanna run back into the bull– into war,” he smirks.
You take another bite, even as your stomach churns. You don't like how he's talking, as if you're together. As if he knows you. It's strange.
He scoops up a forkful of home fries and shovels them back. You can't fault his table manners, he was probably eating out of cans for the last few years. Not that you would say anything. You're much too scared for that.
You fall into a trance, focusing on the simple task of cutting into the toast, chewing but not tasting as your heart tamps behind your ears. You sense a shift and look up, your cheeks full of food as you make eye contact with Sy’s phone camera. You swallow painfully and nearly choke.
“What are you doing?” You squeak.
“For your Instagram,” he smiles, “I’ll send you the pics…” he frames his phone with both hands as he admires the screen, “you look so cute.”
You shudder and grip the knife and fork tight. You look back to the stack. You think you’ll ask for it to go. If you eat any more, you’re definitely going to be sick.
381 notes · View notes
ilwonuu · 15 days
Note
if your taking requests, could you write something angsty for jeonghan? I love your writing it’s cute and I think accurate to the person. Keep up the great work 🫶🏽🫶🏽
yes of course hehehehe,,, thank you so much that is so sweet. im so happy you enjoy my work!!! i hope you enjoy this too<3
𝗀𝗈 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒
⇝ 𝗒𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇
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❀ 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀- 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗐𝖻 𝖻𝖼 𝗒𝗎𝗆<𝟥 , 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖽𝗈𝗅!𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋
❀ 𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌- 𝗉𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 (𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗂 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗅) , 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽𝖺 𝖺 𝖽𝗂𝖼𝗄,,,𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾, 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖾𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾,,, 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝖽𝗎𝗆𝖻 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖻𝖼 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾<𝟥, 𝗉𝖾𝗍 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 (𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅), (𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾), 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖾𝗅𝗌𝖾 !!!!
❀ 𝖺/𝗇- 𝗅𝗆𝗄 𝗂𝖿 𝗎 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝖺 𝗉𝗍 𝟤 𝗁𝖾𝗁𝖾,,, 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 𝗑 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗇<𝟥 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗈𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽,,,
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jeonghan never goes this long without talking to you. the last time you saw him was 2 days agao. it’s weird for best friends. very weird for you and jeonghan. obviously there’s a reason. the reason being you confessing your feelings to him. jeonghan did not like hearing that.
it scared him away definitely, you thought. you feel awful about it. why couldn’t you just have left it alone? kept it to yourself maybe? then maybe you could still have him as a friend at least. but it wasn’t fair to him. you were falling more in love with him.
you thought he was falling in love with you too. and he was. he couldn’t come to terms with knowing that. of course he could tell. he was happy. he couldn’t do it. the last thing he wants is to ruin all these years of being friends with you. he just wants to kiss you and not have it ruin anything. you both know that that’s not how it would go.
he’s scared of committing to you. he wants to be perfect and that’s too much pressure on its own so he pushes you away. for weeks. you were broken. your job was the only thing getting you through the days. your co workers cheer you up as best as they can but all you want is jeonghan.
why can’t he just talk to you about it and stop hiding? putting you through all of this stress just because he can’t talk to you. you have been working less since jeonghan decided to just forget about you. well you hoped he didn’t actually forget about you.
you were exhausted after a shift as your phone rang. it was jeonghan. you shivered in cold sweat as you answered. tears threatening to fall from your eyes.
“i’m outside- please let me in.” you can’t even respond to him. you hang up on him without a response. you hesitate to open the door for him but you really miss him.
maybe he’s coming with good news? if he was coming with good news it wouldn’t have took him 3 weeks.
you still tried to convince yourself that he could want you in the same way. you open your front door nervously. jeonghan looks tired. he doesn’t look like himself. he’s wearing the sweater you got him. you almost cry at the sight.
“can i come in?” you nod at him as he steps in. it’s awkward and it’s never been that way before. he follows you to the couch. both of you are scared of this conversation. both of you want each other. jeonghan just wished you wanted him the same way as him.
“first of all- i’m a fucking asshole. i know you can be upset with me for as long as possible i deserve it. but i’m sorry for treating you like that. i never want to go that long without talking to you again.” you tear up already with a nod. you had so many built up emotions.
“jeonghan- i’m really upset with you yeah. you fucking ghosted me! i thought you were never gonna talk to me again.” he shakes his head.
“never- angel you really thought that?” he grabs your hand, he feels like complete shit. “well what else was i supposed to this jeonghan?” you were crying at this point. he couldn’t believe he made you cry.
he wishes he wasn’t so stupid about his decisions. “i’m so so sorry i didn’t talk to you. i- was scared of the thought of feelings and i still am. i have to be honest with you.” you feel your heart drop when he says those words.
“i c-can’t commit to a relationship. i just can’t-“ you nod quickly at him. why are you doing this to yourself? you know how much you like him. you know he means friends with benefits. you shouldn’t settle less for what you want. but you would do anything to have jeonghan.
“jeonghan?” you stop him with a soft smile. “can i kiss you?” you are basically setting yourself up for failure. jeonghan is just too pretty. he nods at you slowly as he leans over to kiss you. the kiss is so desperate. you can tell how much jeonghan wants you. his lips are sloppy against yours.
“this isn’t a good idea.” he says in between kisses. you don’t respond to him. all you want to do is keep kissing him.
“you’re gonna regret this angel.” you just wish he would stop rubbing it in.
“i just want you hannie-“ you reach for him.
“are you sure?” you beg him practically.
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yoon jeonghan was a asshole. he didn’t lie when he said he you would regret it. you wish you never slept with jeonghan. your best friend flirting with another girl at a party.
he knew you were right there and he didn’t care. you wish you didn’t care about jeonghan as much as you do. because clearly he doesn’t care about you.
you can’t hell but to cry over the boy. he comes over to you like nothing happened. you knew you couldn’t talk to him about it again. you couldn’t lose jeonghan. the last thing you wanted was for him to stop talking to you again.
you rather have him treat you this way than to not have him at all. you wish he could see how this affects you.
you really hate yoon jeonghan.
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Text
The hero couldn’t believe their own exhaustion. Apparently, their limbs didn’t want to work and neither did their brain. Even though they had sort of expected this, there was enough energy left to recognise and frown at their nemesis.
“You’re here to kidnap me?” the hero asked. They looked down at the saved city, at the aftermath of the chaos.
Some streets and buildings were scathed but all together, the hero would’ve called this a good job with little casualties. They leaned back and let out a long overdue breath.
“Presumably.” The hero turned their head to glance at their nemesis. Every muscle hurt. Hell, muscles the hero didn’t even know they had hurt.
“Two months. I thought you were dead,” they said eventually and the words were heavy on their tongue. Sadly, they didn’t even have the energy left to be mad at their nemesis.
“I’m…” The villain stared at the ground. They still looked the same. Still the same scary villain that would break ankles and wrists to get what they want. And the hero supposed they were still the same pathetic hero that followed them around like a dog, trying to convince them to use their powers for the good. Even in death.
“You have to carry me if you want to kidnap me. I can’t really move.”
“Okay.” The villain approached them and picked them up immediately without any struggles. All the hero could do was whimper when the villain touched their sore muscles. The hero felt a little stupid in the villain’s arms but they didn’t really have a choice either when the villain walked towards their car.
“Where were you?” the hero asked quietly. Some questions they only dared to whisper.
“I was injured,” the villain explained.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me? What happened!?” Suddenly they panicked. The villain had been injured? Had licked their wounds in their lair alone? The hero wanted to be mad but above all, they were concerned.
“Yeah, I needed a new kidney and everything.”
“What?!” The hero’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
“So you disappeared for two months instead?” the hero asked. By now, their voice was hoarse and their head unforgivingly heavy.
“…yeah.”
“Listen, I could’ve donated, I could’ve—”
“Do you think it’s smart for the two most powerful beings in the city to recover from surgery at the same time?” the villain asked. The hero hated that, they hated when they used logic against them. It didn’t change that they were pissed, in fact, it only added fuel to the fire.
“You could have at least told me.”
“So you’d worry and neglect your duties?” The villain shook their head. “I love this city. I want what’s best for it and while I was gone, you were the only one left who actually cared for it.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that? A fucking asshole,” the hero said. They were overwhelmed and confused, numb and aggressive. They hadn’t seen the villain in two months and now they were back with a stranger’s kidney inside them and their strong arms around the hero.
Had they made a mistake? Felt the hero closer to them than they actually were?
“Why are you hurt?” The hero closed their eyes and let out another long breath.
“I fought some machine. The blades were quick and the bullets even quicker so I had to be faster than that and now I am just…tired.” They leaned their head against the villain’s chest.
“No, I meant my recovery. You’re hurt because I left.”
“I’m mad that you didn’t tell me.”
“You’re disappointed that I didn’t ask you to donate your kidney,” the villain said. The hero swallowed. “Is there something more intimate than keeping your nemesis alive that way? You’re mad you got robbed of that.”
“Ugh you’re so full of shit.” And yet, the hero’s face was burning.
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they wanted a connection to the villain that was deeper than “work.”
Whatever.
“I didn’t know you’d be this upset.” Either the hero imagined it or it was true; the villain pulled them closer.
“I am not…I tried reaching out but you were nowhere. Do you know how frustrating that was? As if you got killed and thrown into a ditch. I could barely concentrate on anything.”
“I didn’t know that. Maybe I mean more to you than I thought,” the villain said and the hero couldn’t believe how dense their villain could be. As structured and intelligent as they were, their social skills were an abnormality the hero usually knew how to handle.
But now, in their arms, they were grateful.
“Of course you do, dumbass.” The hero met their eyes and they felt at peace. Completely. Utterly.
How could they waste their life like this? Yearning without making a move? Never daring, always tip-toeing. To the point where they wished they had given them their kidney.
“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” The villain didn’t joke. They didn’t wink. They rarely did any of that.
“Kidnap me faster, will you?”
“If you insist.”
Back at the lair, the villain allowed them to touch the fresh scar and the hero did. Over and over and over again.
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rebelliousstories · 1 month
Text
Toxic as Rads
Relationship: Cooper “The Ghoul” Howard x Reader
Fandom: Fallout
Request: Yes by @silverose365
Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Strong Language, Suggestive Themes
Word Count: 1,307
Main Masterlist: Here
Fallout Masterlist: Here
Summary: They had not been alright for a long time. They would breakup, and then make up. A vicious cycle with no foreseeable end.
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“Damnit Coop! I am so sick and tired of running in these damn circles.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be chasin’ your own bullshit.”
This had been going on for hours now. The couple had holed up in an abandoned facility that was still somehow standing after all the years, and bombs. Neither one could remember what this argument was about this time, but that is how they worked. They would fight. They would make up. And they would do it all again the next day.
It did not used to be like this though. They used to be happy, and in love.
~
“Listen, I just need someone to show me the ropes. I was thrown out here and I don’t wanna die.” A feminine voice pleaded with a cowboy that was busy walking away.
“Don’t do charity cases, darlin’. Not even if they’re cute like you, Vaultie.” His voice was growing more and more distant.
“Hey! Ghoul, you want this back?” Turning back around, Cooper found that she was holding a gun, and a box of chems. Patting himself down, he found that he was missing one of his guns, and his box of chems. He marched right up to the girl with a low growl.
“Gimme that, little girl. You don’t know what that’s gonna do.” He tried to get his effects back, but what unsuccessful. Cooper tried again, and finally got them back, but she just swiped his hat off of his head while his hands were full.
“Listen here, I don’t do no damn charity cases.” The Ghoul grabbed his hat back once he had stashed his gun and chems.
“Please. I’m really good at stealing. I can get you anything you want.” She begged once more, looking close to getting on her knees.
“Anything I want?” He pressed, watching in amusement as her head nodded up and down fast.
“Alright, Vaultie. Let’s see what you’re made of.” He turned on his heel and left, smirking as the vault dweller was hot on them to follow.
~
“Coop, I am tired of this shit. Can you just trust me to do a job, or do fuckin’ anything?” She screamed, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Well then maybe you should make it easy and go. Not like I expected a damn vault dweller to stay around me like a lost puppy.” He thought to himself, but did not realize that he had actually said it aloud. Cooper watched as the horror morphed into melancholy on her face. With her face, he finally realized his mistake.
“Darlin’, now I didn’t mean that. Come here.” Cooper tried to gather her in his arms, but she slipped out faster than him. She ran around the room and collected her items that were strewn about, trying to get them on faster than Cooper could get to her.
“Sweetheart, you know that’s not what I meant. I was just upset. Please let’s talk this through. No need to do anything rash.” But she had bolted out the front door before he ever got there, and ran into the night. Howard tried to follow her, but there was a reason she was good at stealing; she was also amazing at not being found. Looking out into the night sky, Cooper screamed to the heavens, although he knew no one would hear his call of despair. Retreating back into the building, he threw, kicked, and hit anything he could get his hands on. Once his rage had been exhausted, Cooper made sure he had all of his gear with him, before he set out into the night.
By day three, he was pissed. Cooper should be proud; he had trained her on how to survive in the Wasteland and avoid detection. But this was him, using his own tracking skills to track down on someone he had personally trained. The fact that she was staying a step a head was impressive and infuriating. He had followed her near a settlement; a very familiar settlement. This was the same town that he had gotten her from all those years ago. It was a little more rundown, but the structures still stood as strong as they could.
“God damnit woman.” Cooper knelt down to collect a familiar pouch that held a vintage camera with a little bit of film left. They had found it together their first year traveling together and she took every opportunity to get pictures together. He knew the negatives on that film were all of him, or of them together. Why she dropped it, he did not know. But it could not have been a good reason. Strapping it into his own pouch on his saddle bag, Cooper made his way around the town. People moved out of his way as he moved, but he could not find her there. If she came all the way back here, why was she still avoiding him?
That is when a thought came into his head. Leaving the designated town, Howard stalked along the sides, and found a house on the outskirts. This house had remained abandoned the entire time he had been coming here for some reason or another. He did not particularly care to remember why it remained empty. There was a shift of fabric that he could hear from the front door. Making his way into the house, Cooper heard the soft sniffles and quiet cries of his woman as he grew closer and closer to the bedroom.
The door was halfway open, which meant he could not have snuck up on her even if he wanted to. And the sight inside made his heart hurt. She was curled up on the bed with blankets and pillows. It looked more like a nest than a bed, but she found herself in the middle of it all.
“Go away.” Her voice was hoarse as it tried to spit out and sound meaner than she actually sounded.
“Now, I think you don’t really want that darlin’.” Cooper replied, placing his hat on the bedpost at the foot of the bed/nest situation.
“You don’t know what I want. Besides, I’m just some stupid vault dweller who follows you around like a lost puppy. Figured you’d be having a damn party with me gone.” Turning further and further away, the scratch to her voice almost made it like a growl. Howard shrugged off his duster and threw the rest of his guns, belts, and bags into a chair in the corner before encroaching upon her space. She tried to push him off, but he kept wrapping his arms around her to pull her into his chest.
“I’m sorry for what I said, darlin’. Didn’t mean what I said.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, and squeezed her closer while her arms dropped in defeat.
“I just don’t understand why you would say that if you didn’t mean it.” She lamented.
“Was just angry darlin’. Not at you. Just- we’ve been fightin’ a lot. We never used to and it seems every day we’re findin’ somethin’ to get pissed off about.” He replied, settling into the comfortable bed.
“I know. ‘M sorry for running. Just didn’t know how to deal with it all.” Rolling over, she tucked her face into Cooper’s chest and smushed them closer together.
“No need to apologize sweetheart,” came his response. He pressed another kiss, this time to her forehead, and started to stroke her hair.
“Oughta redden your ass though. Makin’ me chase you all over this damn desert.” Cooper teased, his gloved hand reaching down to give her rear a teasing squeeze.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Ghoul.” She teased back, snuggling in closer. They were not perfect, that was for certain. But from that point forward, they would be doing better.
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moonstruckme · 8 months
Note
Hi! First wanna say I love your writing of the marauders!! It’s amazing and really fills the need I have for their content so thank you! I was hoping to request something kinda similar to the aftercare poly!marauders washing up fic you just did but with a reader who can be exhausted but the minute they shower and get ready for bed they get a sudden burst of involuntary energy and can’t sleep anymore and they get cranky that they were sorta woken up and blame the boys for making her wash up and she’s just very bratty and upset and end it with fluff please?
I'm happy you enjoy it! Thanks for requesting <3
cw: very (very) brief implied smut
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1k words
You lie on your back, the trembling starting to die down and one hand still tangled loosely in Sirius’ hair. You close your eyes, trying to even out your breathing. Remus strokes the outside of your thigh, giving you the time you need to come down. But just as the sweat starts to cool on your body, just as your breathing relaxes into a more familiar rhythm and your mind starts to slip away, he says, “Alright, lovely girl. Let’s get up.” 
You sigh, but allow yourself to be hauled upright, mumbling a thanks into James’ shoulder as he piggybacks you into the bathroom. You barely have to stand upright by yourself as you let your boyfriends wash you off, taking turns supporting you and dipping under the showerhead themselves. Sirius teases you for being such a princess when you’re sleepy, and James says that he actually thinks you’d make a fantastic princess, thank Sirius very much, and Remus chuckles at the both of them, and it’s all so familiar it only lulls you further into your tranquil state. 
Before long, you’re wrapped in a warm towel and James is helping you into your favorite fuzzy pajamas, dropping a kiss on the top of your head when he’s finished. You start to crawl up the bed, loose-limbed and eager to slip between the warm sheets, but Remus stops you with a hand on your shoulder. 
“Hey, wait a minute.” He ducks his head, moving your curtain of wet hair aside so you’re forced to give him your attention. “Did you go to the bathroom?”
You whine, and the concern in his eyes morphs into knowing. “Not negotiable, dove. UTIs are not fun.” 
You flop petulantly onto the bed, face down. “Like you would know,” you grumble into the soft sheets. 
James chuckles, but grabs you around the ankles and tugs until your legs are hanging off the mattress. You clutch loose fistfulls of covers. 
“It’ll be okay jus’ this once,” you yawn. At the moment, a good night’s rest seems worth whatever mild inconvenience a UTI might cause. You’re so cozy, and sleep is right there, already coming to reclaim you despite your uncomfortable position at the end of the bed. 
“C’mon, just go so you can get in here with us, yeah?” Sirius says, prodding you with his foot from underneath the sheets. “Won’t take a couple minutes.” 
You groan but slide off the bed, walking zombie-like into the bathroom. The lighting seems harsher now that it’s not clouded by steam. You miss the warmth of the shower, the support of your boyfriends’ arms. The tile is cold under your feet and someone’s left the fan on, its whirring noisy and incessant. Everything seems more and worse than it was a few minutes before. 
By the time you’re done, you’ve woken up entirely against your will. The drowsiness from just a minute before feels like a distant, hazy memory. You tromp back into the bedroom, peering through the darkness at your droopy-eyed boyfriends. Envy curls in your stomach like a snake poised to strike. Your eyes, your muscles, your very bones are exhausted, yet you don’t think you could drift off even if someone poured a sleeping draught down your throat. Sirius cracks an eyelid to find you standing over the bed and lazily pulls back the covers, opening his arms for you. You feel like stomping your foot. 
“I’m not tired anymore,” you complain. Sirius blinks both eyes open, and Remus and James stir. “You guys made me get up, and now I won’t be able to sleep.” 
“Don’t be silly, dove.” Remus murmurs, not even opening his eyes. “Get in bed, you’ll fall asleep soon.” 
“I can’t,” you say, too frustrated to be embarrassed at the whiny pitch of your voice. 
“Whas’ going on?” James is beginning to rouse, and Remus gives you a cross look. Yeah, you think, that makes two of us. They’d all forced you to get up, and frankly, you’re not feeling too guilty about letting them have a taste of their own medicine.
“She says she can’t sleep,” Sirius replies, pushing up onto his elbow. 
James rolls over so he’s facing you, his eyes foggy and half-lidded. “D’you think you just need to warm up, sweetheart?”
You shake your head, but Sirius joins him. “Yeah, c’mere, baby. Let us fix you up.” 
And, well. You’re supposed to be mad, but it’s hard to resist an offer like that. 
Your huff is mostly performative as you crawl into the bed and Sirius’ waiting arms, letting him maneuver you over him so that you’re lying between him and Remus. It is considerably warmer underneath the covers, and you shuffle closer to Sirius. For body heat, of course. 
“Fuck, you are cold,” he mutters as your feet brush his calves, but he doesn’t pull away, rubbing warmth into your arms. 
“This isn’t going to work,” you say as one of his hands moves to your back, tracing smooth circles with his palm. “I still don’t feel tired.” 
“Try,” Remus says, managing to sound stern even on the brink of sleep. “Just close your eyes and give it a little while.”
You roll your eyes, tucking your head under Sirius’ chin. 
“I said close your eyes, dove.” 
You don’t know how Remus knows, but this time you comply. Quiet settles like a blanket over the four of you, the only sound the rhythmic swishing of fabric as Sirius’ hand moves over your back. He smells like his conditioner. You read the label once. It’s called Lilac Breeze, but its aroma is more complex than that, you think. It’s clove, and it’s midnight, and it’s Sirius, something fundamental to him that makes your breaths deepen and your mind settle. Remus nestles closer behind you, his cinnamony scent wafting over you and intertwining with Sirius’ until you’re doped up on loveliness. Every inch of you has warmed now, and your head sinks further into the pillow. Tension you didn’t realize you’d been holding in your hips and shoulders dissipates. Everything is warm and dark and soft. 
You realize you’re yawning too late to stifle the sound, and James chuckles. “Not tired, huh?”
“Shuddup,” you murmur, and Sirius’ breath fans hot over your forehead as he laughs silently, his hand never faltering on your back. You think you feel a kiss against the back of your head, and that’s the last thing you know before you fade into unconsciousness.
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sillygoosealert · 2 months
Note
UUUUUH SAD ANGST SAD ANGST IDEA
Terminally Ill reader who doesn’t treat it and hides it from Bi-Han because he’ll think it’s weakness, and he’s super hard on them for being ‘lazy’ until one day he wakes up to them cold beside him in bed (Bi-Han pov for extra angst)
STOP THIS INES GETTING TO ME
Are you ignoring me? Answer me..
Bi-han angst, no comfort
It’s 4:00 in the morning, it’s time to get up
However, you have trouble even processing that
It's like you’re in rim sleep- 24/7
This upsets Bi-Han greatly, as his spouse, you should be better than this
And he lets you know this
Every day
And every time he sees you
After his habit of nit-picking started, you looked even more exhausted 
He would feel pity and let you take a break- if you hadn't started to slack off
Maybe you thought he didn't notice when you stopped to go dry heave for a minute and then continue
Or when you sat down for a minute after only an hour or two of work
He did.
And he wasn't thrilled about the whispers and looks not only you, but he got after you started
Most of them were indifferent- or pitiful
And he hated that
People were pitting you for no reason, not one good enough at least
When you got to your room that night, he snapped
‘Do you know what I saw today?’ he hisses, furrowing his eyebrows
‘No, what did you see hun?’ you are whispering, not sure what he's mad at- or who he’s mad at
‘You sitting down, while on duty’ now he’s fuming, he can’t help when he gets mad. He has his fathers rage
‘I had to take a moment to rest, it isn’t easy working for hours at a time’ You look tired, you’re pale, skin sunken in around your eyes
He noticed, but he noticed other people just like doing their work too
‘Are you pregnant?’
‘What? No, I would tell you if I was pregnant.’ you look..upset? If anyone should be upset it should be him
‘Then you have no excuse. Nothing is stopping you from doing your work.’
You don't say anything as you reach for the door
‘Where are you going?’
‘I’m not sleeping with you tonight.’
He says nothing as you leave
The next day he sees you, yet says nothing
He's too busy anyways
You come back to your room that night, you're actually there before he arrives
Pathetic
He says nothing as you shiver and cough and wheeze
‘I love you’
He hears you whisper not long after he gets into bed
‘Get some rest, I know you need it’
That was his way of saying it back, you knew it
He was far from pleased with your recent performance- but he would never let you think he didn't love you
‘Can you say it back?’
‘Why? We've talked about this before..’
He has told you he isn't fond of saying it
It isn't him
‘Goodnight Bi-Han.’
You're ignoring his question
He doesn't know why, and it upsets him
So he turns away from you as he closes his eyes and eventually falls asleep
When he wakes up and turns to you, your back is facing him
He shakes you gently
But no response
So he shakes you a little harder
No response
‘You have to get up today, I'll give you a few more minutes but that's it.’
After he dresses he goes back for you
‘I know you're awake, and I know you're upset..’
He cares about you, he really does. He wants to pour his heart out every time he has the pleasure of holding you in his arms
He wants to say ‘i love you’ every night and every morning, to make sure you remembered
He wants to start a family with you, and hold you close when you are with child- with his child
And he wants to tell you that
But he won't, or maybe he just can't
‘And we can talk about it later, however we have to get up’
You don't even move to look at him
‘Are you ignoring me?’
Maybe he should understand- give you space and time
But he doesn't understand, he didn't do anything in his eyes
‘Answer me. Are you ignoring me?’
The silence is loud and he stomps over to the bed, forcefully turning you over
Tears stain your cheeks as your eyes are glazed over
An empty look for a once-radiant person
Then he lets go of your cold, lifeless body
There is nothing left in you
It's gone- everything is gone and the world isn't spinning anymore
He isn't breathing
Or blinking
He's just staring
He didn't even realize he was backing up until he backed into a wall
Then he goes to the bed a checks for a pulse
Nothing
He picks up your body and cradles it
His own tears now staining your face
He knows he couldn't have changed you dying
Well, maybe he could have
But he really wishes you knew he at least cared about you
But you didn't
And you never would
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🎀
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bloatedandalone04 · 9 months
Text
Shadows Of Your Heart
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➪the one where anakin makes it up to you after being distant during a mission.
Warnings: brief angst bc i have no self control, fluff, anakin being cold for a quick second, a bit of a confusing setting bc i couldn't think of good enough plot to start off with, my bad, more fluff bc i was asked nicely and i intend on delivering like i always do♡
Word Count: 1.6k
Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡
“I have to speak to Obi-Wan,” you say quickly as you pick up the device from off the floor. Anakin gives you a weary look as he steps towards you, blindly strapping his saber back onto his belt. “Anakin.” 
He stands in front of you, as unimpressed as ever. “What?” He stubbornly asks when you give him a stern look.
“Don’t be so sharp with me. All of this could’ve been prevented,” you gesture to the bar patron who was currently lying face down on the floor of the pub. 
“I find that hard to believe,” he muttered as he glared down at the man. 
When he looked back at you, he took in your expression of annoyance that you poorly hid. “Anakin,” you warn again, ready to call it a night and head back with him. You were tired and the events that took place a few minutes prior had severely worn you out, and Anakin only made things harder when he couldn’t control his emotions and took it out on the patron. 
“Y/n,” he said back and you just huffed, holding the device out to him.
“I need to speak to Obi-”
“Go speak to him,” he cut you off, taking the device from you with a surprisingly gentle pull, despite you physically being able to feel the anger radiate off his body. It was so like him; to be cold towards everyone else but caring towards you, even when he was not in a good mood at all. “You come find me when you’re done.”
He turned to you, giving you the opportunity to locate his mentor, but you didn’t want to leave things like this, especially when you and him would be sharing a bed later. “Anakin,” you called out to him, watching as he stopped walking and turned back towards you. “Everything is fine. We did good.”
“Yeah,” he answered shortly, glancing back down at the man who was groaning as his flesh burned and peeled away from his body. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll take the blame for all of it.”
He was being so closed off and sharp with you. It irked you and you wanted to stay and talk it out with him, hating having to leave things like this. “Don’t be like that,” you tried to talk him out of the angry stupor he was in, but you knew you didn’t have enough time to calm him down. 
“I thought you needed to see Obi-Wan,” he gave you a cold look and you stepped away from him. 
“I did, I do, but…” you trailed off, playing with the sleeves of your robe. “I want to talk to you, too, Anakin. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”
Anakin sighed and the crease in his brow softened. “I’m not upset,” he says quietly and you raise a brow at the obvious lie. “Not with you.” He corrects and you stare at him for a few seconds before nodding.
“Alright,” you murmur and reach your hand out to him, wanting to give him a proper goodbye, but he just moves away. 
“I’ll see you soon,” was all he said and walked away, leaving you to watch as his form retreated until you could no longer see him. 
-
It was a little while later when you returned to your room, exhaustion filling your every sense as the events of the day weighed down on you. 
Anakin wasn’t back yet, but that was to be expected. Usually when he is as fired up as he was earlier, he stays out as late as he can in an attempt to cool his body and clear his mind before returning to you. 
If he doesn’t walk off the anger, he ends up taking it out on you, and then he feels even worse when he sees the emotion he caused you to feel all over your face. You understood for the most part, but it still stung whenever he shut you out like he did earlier. 
While you put in a decent effort, you still weren’t able to find him like he told you to once you were finished with Obi-Wan. He kept himself well hidden and out of sight, making you only able to go off of the emotional connection you had with the Jedi. You could feel that he was still angry even hours after the bar incident, so you decided to just go home and wait for him there. 
You had just finished getting dressed for bed when the door opened and in walked your boyfriend, who looked so defeated. You refrained from taking him into your arms and instead waited for him to make the first move.
He does a few seconds after entering the bedroom. “Hi,” 
You couldn’t help the small laugh that escapes you. “Hi,”
He moves further into the room and silently sets his lightsaber down onto the dresser before turning to you. He wore a look of guilt and a sheepish smile as he stepped towards you. “I’m sorry for how I left things before,” he says quietly, taking your hands in his and walking backwards towards the bed. You let him pull you to stand between his thighs once he sits down and continues, “I was out of line and frustrated and I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
His hands slip from yours and settle on your waist while you gently begin to massage his still tense shoulders. It was no secret that Anakin is a very passionate guy and cared a lot, but he was also stubborn and got worked up easily. The littlest things set him off on a bad day, but those days thankfully didn’t happen too often. 
Anakin pouted slightly when you didn’t answer him, but he also knew you weren’t too angry with him as you hadn’t pulled away from him. He leaned into the softness of your hands, suddenly wishing he got home sooner so he could feel your gentle touch a lot earlier than right now.
“I should’ve stayed and talked things through with you when you wanted to,” he picked back up on his apology, his fingers bunching up the fabric of your gown. “I’m sorry, my love. I know you don’t appreciate it when I get like that.”
You just shake your head and slide your hands upwards so they are caressing either side of his face. Running your left thumb over his scar, you lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. “But I put up with it because I love you,” 
He lifts his gaze to meet yours once you pulled away and mirrored your small grin. 
“We’re a team, you and I,” you remind him and stroke your thumb across his cheek. “And, yes, I do like talking things through with you, but I also like giving you your space, Anakin. Whenever you need it, just tell me, but don’t push me away.” 
Anakin raises his hands so his fingers are wrapped around your wrists, and he places a kiss on your palm. “I won’t,” he promises, placing your hand back on his face and leaning into your touch. “I won’t, I promise you. I’m sorry for acting so cold to you before.”
You shrug. “It was an intense mission,” you try to defend him.
But he wasn’t having it. “That doesn’t make it okay,” he pressed, his hands returning to your hips as he let out a sigh. “I don’t want you to make excuses for me or my actions, alright? Not when they resulted in me lashing out on you.”
“You didn’t really lash out on me, Anakin,” you insisted as you moved to sit next to him on the bed. “You just needed space.”
“I did,” he replied, pulling you towards him so your legs were draped over his. “But not anymore. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you away or that I don’t want you near me. I want you all the time, every day. I’m sorry if I made you believe otherwise.”
You grip his shoulders as you move even closer to him. “It’s okay, Anakin, really,” you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’m not mad or upset. I just worry about you. You can let me in, you know. Whatever it is, I’m here.”
“I know,” he raises his glove covered hand and uses his thumb to pull at your lower lip. “I know, my sweet girl. I don’t deserve you.”
You open your mouth to protest but he quiets you with a chaste kiss. 
“But I love you,” he said once he pulled away and rested his forehead on yours. “I don’t think I could ever stop loving you.”
Grinning, you move further onto the bed and pull him with you, not caring that he was still in the clothing he wore during the mission as you tugged him to lay down next to you. “I’ll never stop loving you,” you trace his scar with your index finger as he wraps his arms around you. “And I promise you that, Anakin.”
Anakin nodded once before pressing his lips to yours in a much more passionate kiss than before. He sighed into the kiss when he felt you relax in his arms, and he knew that someday soon he would not be able to hold off on asking you to marry him any longer. 
The thought both terrified and excited him, but he knew he’d be okay in the end because he had you. 
And, like you had proven and promised, you had him as well.
-
bloatedandalone04 actually wrote fluff for once?!
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redr0sewrites · 2 months
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omg lowkey having a shitass day and i’m too tired to write for my comfort character and your my fav so 😭😭 literally just any fluffy vox headcanons. literally any! could be only one paragraph IDC i just think it’s so cute how you write him 🙏🙏
OFCCCC!!!!! heres some hcs ab vox comforting u after a long day ♥️
🥀 Cw: none, just fluff!
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vox is no stranger to long, tiring days. he's had his fair share of shitty work days and when he comes home to see you exhausted, he immediately notices what's wrong.
vox is very goofy, he's good at reading people and can immediately know if someone's upset, but it's how he reacts that throws him off. like he'll notice something is wrong but won't know how to respond.
he's so used to manipulating people (such as valentino) or just shoving down his own emotions to put on a persona that he isn't great at verbally comforting someone, but his actions make up for it.
he pulls you onto his lap and will run his hand up and down your back to soothe you. while his claws are sharp, he would never hurt you with them, and its much more of a ticklish sensation then anything
speaking of, vox loves it when you laugh. if you're pissed at someone in particular, he will definitely make fun of them to help cheer you up. don't be surprised if they "disappear".... he is an overlord after all. he'd only do this if you want him too tho
vox claims he isn't insecure, but in reality he knows exactly how it feels to feel shitty about everything around you. he's surprisingly empathetic, if you're in a relationship with him he definitely cares about you a lot and i genuinely see him being upset in the situation that you're upset
if you cry, vox may be a little awkward but will go to get you a glass of water. he'll also dim the light of his screen to make sure he doesn't give you a headache and, if you're really upset or tired, he may even take the day off of work to comfort you
vox is the type to turn on soft music when you're sad and pull you into a slow dance right in the middle of your apartment. he doesn't care that you're bleary eyed and that you keep stepping on his feet, he doesn't care that its sappy or that it makes him seem vulnerable to care about you so much. as long as he gets to see you smile and giggle as you both clumsily swirl around eachother, he's content in staying in this moment forever.
if you're ever angry/frustrated and take it out on him, he may be a little pissy but he can take it, especially if you feel really bad afterwards. he doesn't take it to heart if you have a bad day and snap at him, hell, he does it all the time. he may be a little pouty if you don't apologize but don't worry he'll get over it in a few minutes once he sees how tired you are
while vox is a little chaotic, he's a genuinely good person to vent too because he will literally always agree with you no matter what. you murder someone? its their fault for walking into your knife. he absolutely supports your rights (and wrongs) no matter what
he's also a pretty good listener in general because he just. listens. he doesn't give unnecessary input, he doesn't try to play devils advocate, he just listens and shows interest in what you have to say and comforts you when necessary. he doesn't see why thats such a big deal, but he genuinely is a pretty decent listener.
vox is also a yapper though, if you need to get your mind off of your day just tell him and he'll start explaining the most random things to you. oh, you had something really embarrassing happen today and you want to forget about it? well now you're going to listen to 500 shark facts while also hearing the entire princess bride lore. sorry not sorry.
vox would find the shittiest movie with the worst cgi imaginable for you both to watch after a long day, he loves curling up with you on the couch and making fun of horribly animated graphics together
i also think he's (secretly) a fan of corny romance films and/or romcoms, and would want to recreate cute scenes with you (but would literally never tell you that) so you both may end up watching cutesy romance movies too
(this is the song i had in mind bc its soo vox, so u can listen to this for the "full experience")
"aw c'mon bub, don't tell me your too mopey to dance?" vox extended his hand to you, yet his smile was a little more forced than usual. his eyes were wide on his screen, almost concerned about the teats staining your cheeks.
"m' fine voxy.." you mutter, turning away. "it was just a bad day." vox pouts, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him.
"trust me, this will make you feel better," he assured, pulling you to your feet. vox snapped his fingers and a bright, upbeat tune began to play in the background. pulling you in close, vox twirled you around before stepping back, switching to a simple slow dance.
you can't help a soft smile from creeping onto your face as vox continues to exaggeratedly spin and pull you around. hell, if anyone could see you both now, they'd be shocked.
"who knew that the overlord of technology was such a sap?" you giggle, pulling vox down by his tie to give him a kiss, and he chuckles in response. vox pouts, yet his eyes crinkle a bit as a genuine smile graces his features. "only for you!!".
i saw this and immediately opened my drafts 🫡 it is a CRIME that i haven't written any vox fluff when he's literally one of my fav pookies. i have literally only written smut for him 😭 anyways, i hope this made ur day at least a bit better!!!! sending lots of love ur way ♥️♥️♥️♥️
also i am SO honored to be called ur favorite bc hello??? ur my favorite too?????
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axeoverblade · 11 months
Note
Hello 👋🏻 your writting is so amazing! if its not too much to ask, would i be able to request a earth 42 miles thats slightly aggressive and a bit of a delusional yandere with the phrases 15 & 16. Totally fine if not! 👍🏻
Stuck
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Earth 42! Miles x fem! reader
Synopsis! As much as you loved Miles, you couldn’t be stuck in the house any longer.
MASTERLIST
Genre: Angst(?), toxic! Miles, yandere activities.
Warnings: mentions of manipulation and lowkey abusive behavior, nothing crazy. Foul language
Word count: .9k
Authors comment: Toxic is cute on paper not irl. Blurb.
Do not copy! All rights reserved to ©axeoverblade
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The room was silent. The tension felt thicker than the blood coming from your lip you bit too hard in attempt to compose yourself.
“I’m not playing with you ma. You need’a relax on allat’”, Miles spat, not sparing you a glance as he sat in his desk chair lacing up the Jordan’s he sported for his prowler “job”. You rolled your eyes, upset with how he was responding to you. He had been talking to you like this a lot lately, dismissing you without a second thought. And frankly, you were tired of it. “You can’t keep me here” you seethed, standing up from where you sat his bed. He furrowed eyebrows finishing the double not of his lace, standing up to match your energy. “Oh for real? How much you wanna’ bet?” He cocked his head at you, tone stern.
All you wanted was one night out. One single night.
The number of occasions your friends had invited you out only for you to say “Oh I can’t tonight” knowing good and well you had nothing planned had become exhausting. But Miles thought it was safer for you in the room than outside.
“Siéntate mami, Im not playin witchu’ today.” He said swiping his hand over the lower portion of his face stressed, letting out a deep exhale. His eyes unwavering in his gaze.
You don’t know how it got to this.
It used to be different, you used to enjoy your time with Miles. It wasn’t that you didn’t love Miles anymore, you don’t think you were ever capable of stopping loving Miles. But the longer you were in a relationship with the boy you had grown so fond of, the more overbearing he became.
The amount of friends who would tell you how dangerous Miles was, who you ignored or just randomly stopped hearing from had become too many. You should’ve listened. You really should’ve.
You should’ve seen the signs. The signs to leave as soon as possible, to run without looking back. But being the stupid love struck teen you were you saw the things he did as endearing, only fueling your attraction to him.
It started with him becoming over protective, asking for the logins to your social media and knowing your phone password, having his face ID linked to your phone.
Then your male friends became a problem. He made you drop them, saying it was “them or him since you want em’ so damn bad.”.
He stopped letting you wear certain things, saying too many guys would see and you were for his eyes only.
Then he stopped letting you go to functions alone, convincing you Brooklyn was “too dangerous for you to be out by yourself”. And after being on duty as the prowler seeing you go to the store by yourself for a quick snack, where he ended up having to kill a guy who tried to mug you, he stopped letting you go out at all together.
Anywhere.
“Miles you can’t keep doing this” your voice was strong, trying your best to sound as confident as possible under his intense gaze. “Stop doing what? Keeping you safe? You're crazy if you think that’s happening.” He stepped closer to you. “So just sit down-” “I’m not sitting down Miles. So stop suggestin’ it.” You raised your voice standing your ground. Miles chuckled and cocked his head back, but you both knew there was nothing funny about what was going on. “It wasn’t a suggestion. Sit yo’ ass down before I make you.” You looked at him like he grew three heads,“Who are you my father? What you gon’ do?” You mocked, cocking your head to the side.
Before you had time to think, his hands grabbed at the small of your waist and forcefully sat you on the bed. “Ion know why you think I’m joking right now.” He scoffed, hands still on your waist. “You’re gettin’ on my last nerve right now and I gotta go and handle business”. You scoffed, “You mean the prowler business with your uncle? The one where you go out and slaughter people in your free time?” You remarked snidely, throwing his hands off your waist. Though much of stretch, you figured it would get under his skin. “ don’t do that. You know if we aren’t helping the community no one will.” He paused angrily. “ You know I do this for you Y/n!” He yelled as he stood up fully looking down at you. “For you and mi mama. Eres mi corazón, you keep me alive. I make sure the streets are safe so nothing bad happens for you! I protect you the both of you every damn day, don’t act like you don’t see that.” He pointed his finger accusingly at you, his voice becoming louder the more he talked.
You looked away from him and shook your head, “I never asked you to do that. Don’t blame me for this” your voice ran quiet, barely audible. “I’m not-” he paused and sighed, putting his finger under your chin firmly, guiding you head to look at him. “I ain’ blaming this on you ángel, I’m trying to explain to you since you wanna’ act dumb.” His face was scrunched together, clearly fed up with the argument at hand. “Miles, you think it’s healthy to stay inside for three weeks straight? What am I supposed to do huh?” You scoffed, throwing your arms around. “It’s better than being dead.” He replied letting go of your chin harshly, walking over to the window not even trying to understand from your perspective.
He opened the window, the cool breeze from the night washing in over the room. He looked at you and sighed, “Listen. I know you fed up ma, but you need to understand something.” He paused, climbing out the window. He stuck his head back in and looked at your sitting figure on his bed before closing the window.
“You ain’ goin anywhere.”
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©axeoverblade
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vamptizm · 3 months
Text
happiness is a butterfly — rafe cameron
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summary — a series of events that finally lead you to leave rafe behind and pursue happiness (inspired by the lana del rey song)
pairing — rafe cameron x fem!reader
genre — angst
word count — 3.1k
warnings — angst. mild? cheating. toxic relationship. bad language. suggestive themes (just the mention of it). rafe intimidates reader. not proof read. lowercase intended.
note — this is absolute dog shit in my opinion but it has been sitting in my drafts for a while and this is me ATTEMPTING to somewhat save it and not just scrap it completely
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do you want me, or do you not? i heard one thing, now i’m hearing another.
it has always been a back and forth with the cameron boy. one day he was undeniably in love with you, buying you your favorite flowers, taking you on the fanciest of dates and showing you off like a gold trophy. another day, he suddenly decides that he doesn’t care about you all too much. no calls, no texts, he get’s mad, lashes out on you, flirts with others and then finds himself crying in your arms as he apologizes for the things he’s done.
you were tired and confused, anyone around you could tell how worn out and exhausted you were, yet nothing seemed to make you leave. in your mind, he was perfect for you. rich, a year older, he has a future, a nice family and you got along with his sister. what more could you wish for? being a low class “kook” was rougher than one could imagine. too poor for the kooks and too rich and spoiled for the pogues, and therefore, you found yourself not having any friends… not having anyone to rely on, anyone to help you realize your worth and leave the cameron boy.
“look, don’t make this any harder than it has to be right now and just go home” rafe advised in a harsh tone, hands coming up to run over his hair in frustration.
you didn’t understand why he was being so cruel, you hadn’t really done anything to upset him, except trying to figure out what had gotten him in such a sour mood.
“no.” you stated, voice less firm and shakier than wanted. walking closer towards his large figure, you stood merely a few inches away while looking up at his face. “you can’t just push me away and pull me in whenever you deem as fitting. i’m trying to help you and i’m trying to be there for you. just let me.”
rafe simply stared down at you, his eyes stripping you of confidence and composure. you could never predict how he would react this time. would he accept your sincerity and take you in his arms? or would he reject it and leave you in tears while he pushes you away more and more. you had hoped that throughout all of the time that you’ve known him, it would eventually become a tad bit easier to read his body language but as always, you’d be dead wrong.
a hand of his came up to place itself on the back of your head, eyes locked with your own before he spoke up again. “have you ever stopped to consider that i don’t want anything from you?”, he questioned harshly, that familiar squinting of his eyes and the furrow of his eyebrows told you exactly what his next words will be. “if i want someone to talk to, i’ll talk to a fucking therapist, okay? stick to being the good fuck you are and leave me alone for now”.
there it was. he never failed to knock the air out of you and leave your lips trembling with his harsh words. a good fuck? that one was new, considering the fact that you rarely allowed him your body.
you couldn’t help but bitterly grin as tears stung your eyes. with eyes still locked with his, you nodded and took a step back before turning around and exiting his room. walking down those stairs felt like an eternity, to you, more and more kept appearing until you finally made it downstairs.
on your way out, a worried sarah approached you hastily, “did he do something? are you okay?” she questioned sincerely, both her arms raising to place her warm hands on your arms.
with a forced smile, you nodded gently in response, whispering a light “yeah” and explaining to her how you had to go home, before leaving tanny hill.
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there you were once again, sat on his lap in his car as your lips collided repeatedly, softly and eagerly fighting for dominance. your hands were cupping his face and his were firmly placed on your hips, gripping onto the soft flesh. it was two in the morning on a hot summer night. were you expecting to find yourself in this position? not really. but all it took was a few texts from a worried rafe and a few missed calls, for you to send him your location. he found you sitting close to the shore of the beach with a half empty beer bottle in your hand and all it took was some sweet talk and a little bit of convincing from his side, until you ended up sitting in the passenger seat of his car and eventually on top of him.
his lips disconnected from yours as they trailed down your jaw and then to your neck, littering the soft skin with kisses and whispering sweet nothings into the crook of your neck. desperately wanting his lips back on yours, you gently took a hold on his jaw and lifted it up to press another kiss onto him.
“i love you”, he breathlessly whispered against your lips, eyes heavy and sparkling.
saying that he had caught you off guard was the understatement of the year, as your body stiffened against him and you straightened up. after a few moments of agonizing silence between the both of you, you shakily sighed, before your eyes found his. what did he just say? did he mean that? was he trying to mess with you?
“what?” you questioned quietly, it was as if the volume of your voice could only go so high at that moment.
rafe was the complete opposite of you, his eyes intensely staring into yours and his voice booming with confidence. his hand lifted towards your face as he tucked the two strands of hair behind your ears. he couldn’t stand it being in the way, it was like a curtain draped over your eye and he wanted to inspect every inch of your beautiful face.
“i said i love you”, he repeated earnestly. if it hadn’t been for the confidence in his voice and the serious look in his eyes, you would have called him a liar right then and there.
millions of thoughts crossed your mind until you feared that they might overflow. did you love him? did you want to say it back? would you truly mean it? were you sure that he wasn’t just playing with you?
it was as if rafe had read your mind, his hands cupping your face the same way you had done it to him a few minutes ago, “you don’t have to say it back now, but i mean it.”
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if he’s a serial killer, then what’s the worst that can. happen to a girl who’s already hurt
“what did you do?!” you stormed towards the boy, pushing him back in anger, again and again.
a hysterical sarah had just told you about him shooting peterkin on the phone, killing the town’s sheriff and now he was outside your house. you should have been afraid, you should have called the police but you couldn’t. all you could do was stare at him in betrayal.
“listen, i-i had to save my dad, okay?” the stressed out boy stammered in a shaky tone, “i’m a proactive person, y/n, you know that! i couldn’t just let her hurt him!”
he had completely lost it, that you were sure of. the crazed look in his eyes that were stung by tears and trembling hands, you didn’t know whether to hit or hug him. your heart had been beating out of your chest, the realization that you were in the presence of someone who had taken a life suddenly hitting you like a truck and you unconsciously began to take a few steps backwards.
that didn’t go unnoticed. rafe’s demeanour had changed faster than you could blink as he stepped closer towards you, trapping you against the walls of your house and himself. your heart began to beat a thousand miles a minute and you were worried that he could hear it. you couldn’t let him know that you were afraid. he hovered over your smaller body, looking down at you like a hunter at it’s prey. no one spoke for what felt like hours, but was merely just short of a minute.
“you scared of me?” he interrogated bitterly. to him, it felt like you were betraying him, simply for being nervous and cautious around him. “are you going to try to get me in trouble?”, he took your jaw in between his thumb and pointer finger. “i’m the only one that can protect you, baby. i’ll be there for you. do you want that to change?”
glancing at him for a few more seconds, you eventually softly shook your head. it wasn’t just that you wanted to protect him, you also knew that if you went against him, the whole world would go against you until he’s proven guilty. precious rafe cameron. big house, good family, more money than he could ever dream of… he would never commit such cruel acts.
rafe tried to read your face, scanning it for any indication of a lie, before he grinned maliciously. he had you right where he wanted you. “that’s my good girl”, he pressed a kiss on your stiff lips.
“go back inside, it’s late” he advised after pulling back, making his way to his car and driving off.
finding yourself alone, you finally allowed yourself to breathe, sliding down the wall you had been pushed against. tears filled your eyes faster than you could comprehend and soon after that quiet sobs started to wreck your body. nothing would be the same anymore, nothing would be okay anymore, and you were painfully aware of that now.
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i said don’t be a jerk, don’t call me a taxi. sitting in your sweatshirt crying in the backseat.
“i just don’t get what the big deal is”, rafe stated nonchalantly.
here you were, sitting in the passenger seat of his car with tears running down your face because of him and he didn’t get what the big deal was? you had just seen him with his arm draped over another girl’s shoulder not even 20 minutes ago, how could he be so dense? you would like to lie and say that it hadn’t been often that you got jealous or upset, but the truth is that those things affect you more than you’d ever like to admit.
with mascara stained cheeks, you slowly turned your head towards him, disbelief and annoyance sculpting your features now.
“you don’t get the big deal?” you repeated his audacious statement. you were seething but attempted to stay composed nonetheless as you picked at the nails of your fingers.
the boy’s face showed no empathy, let alone any indications of remorse. this caused you to scoff. you wanted to scream at him, to pour your heart out and make him understand how much it hurt, but instead you chose to leave. with a hand firmly on the door handle, you swiftly exited the vehicle and slammed the door shut.
rafe followed after you a few seconds after, “don’t be ridiculous and just get back in the car.” he scolded as he walked behind you, but you didn’t bother to listen, instead you continued to take fast steps in the opposite direction.
the boy sighed in annoyance and worry, not wanting you to roam the streets at that time of night all alone in this sweatshirt that barely covered your thighs.
“let me at least call a taxi to take you home!” he called after your retrieving figure.
you stopped in your tracks and for a moment it seemed like he had gotten through to you, but oh how wrong he was. “i don’t want you to call me a fucking taxi, you jerk! i don’t need anything from you.”
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happiness is a butterfly. try to catch it, like every night.
it had finally been the last straw for you. you could not excuse his actions anymore and you couldn’t keep forgiving him. something had to change and that something was your relationship with rafe cameron. you wanted to be free, you wanted happiness and you wanted to feel butterflies that didn’t make you feel sick to your stomach. unfortunately, that meant you had to let go of what was holding you back. it’s in our human nature to chase things that hurt us, either for the thrill of it or to settle. we accept the love that we think we deserve and you knew that you deserved so much better than this.
you had been contemplating for days on whether to do it over the phone or in person, because you hated to admit that you were slightly scared of his reaction if you chose to break the news to him, face to face. eventually though, with the encouragement of sarah and your pogue friends, you had decided to not fear him anymore and thats how you found yourself standing in front of him as he sat on his bed.
“i think you know what i’m about to say” you began, attempting to hide that nervousness that was begging to shine through.
rafe simply shook his head and you weren’t sure if he was pretending to be clueless or if he was trying to stop the next few sentences that would escape your lips. “no, please enlighten me” he inquired a little too calmly.
it somehow felt like a trap to you, but you didn’t let that affect you. “i don’t think we’re good for each other… i want to end this”
rafe stared at you in silence for a couple of moments with a look on his face that you couldn’t quite read, it was a mix of his furrowed brows and a look of disbelief. neither of you chose to speak up after that.
“you’re leaving me?” he finally broke the silence in a tone that had you wincing.
you didn’t want to hurt him and you surely did not want this to end on a bad note, but it was clear as day that rafe was anything but happy about your decision. not being able to find the words, you simply nodded your head in confirmation.
“after everything i did for you?” he stood up, his facial expression turning sour with the look of betrayal in his eyes.
rafe took a couple of steps towards your figure, causing you to take a couple of steps back in return. you knew he wasn’t trying to intimidate you on purpose, but even if he was, it wouldn’t work on you this time.
“what did you do for me?” you questioned bitterly. “the constant fighting? pushing me away and then pulling me back in? telling me how much you love me and then seeing you getting all touchy with another girl not even a week later?”
you were trying your best not the escalate the situation with your emotional state, but in the moment it was near to impossible.
“i deserve to be happy, you know?” you began, taking a step closer to him this time to show him just how fearless you were. “i deserve to be loved and cherished. i deserve someone who isn’t going to play me like a fiddle and use me to his advantage. i deserve something real and good and that’s just not something that you’ve been able to offer me, rafe. all you do is take and take and take some more and you never give anything in return. i’m fucking sick of being your little toy”.
rafe cameron had been speechless for the first time in a very long time. he had no idea what to say or do in that moment. should he drop on his knees and beg you for another chance? or should he accept that fact that everything you said was merely the cold hard truth that he did not want to hear. he knew you deserved better, he knew you could do better, yet he wanted to be that better for you. it can’t be too late, right?
“i’ll change.” rafe stated in a sincere tone, his eyes finally locking with yours. “i’ll be better for you, y/n. i promise”
you wanted to laugh. the fact that it had to come this far, was bitterly amusing to you. after all the pain he put you through, all the harsh words he shot at you, all the times he disappointed you, he really had the nerve to ask for another chance?. in all honesty, it had actually made you quite angry. why did he expect you to forgive him again? were you not clear enough? were you a joke to him?
“beg for it” you spoke, a dead serious look on your face while doing so.
to say that rafe had been caught off guard would be the understatement of the century, his breath hitched and he had to stop his eyes from widening in shock at your words. after a few moments of contemplating, the boy surprisingly lowered himself onto his knees and looking up at your shocked expression.
“please… please give me another chance. i know i don’t deserve you, i never have, but i truly love you despite being always failing to prove it to you. i cannot imagine my life without you in it, y/n… i promise to change. i’ll take better care of you, i’ll drop every other girl, i’ll be nicer and more understanding and i’ll do anything to make you happy if you just give me one more chance” he begged, his voice cracking a couple times and tears stinging his beautiful blue eyes as a few of them ran down his cheeks.
you had not expected this. in fact, you had expected him to scoff at you and show you just how cruel he could be. his words and tears had you almost dropping to your knees and embracing him into a bone crushing hug. key word being almost. once you had made a decision, it was impossible to talk you out of it or convince you otherwise, so instead of listening to your heart the way you always had, you chose to let your brain take control for once.
“not good enough”. with that, you turned on your heels and left through his door, while also exiting his life for what you hoped, would be forever.
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