my farmers profile 🥳

Do you ever just lay awake at night, turning over in your head the stark difference in delivery between Hewson's Van saying--steadily, unshakably--"it's just something that's happening to you...happening to us" and Cypress' Taissa saying--imploringly, whiningly--"this was not just my dream, this was our dream"?

Do you ever just turn it over and over, how often Tai tried to scare Van away, and how it only made Van set her feet more firmly? How Taissa's first love was this person who saw a problem fall into Taissa's lap, a problem that was quite literally trapped inside Taissa's body, and decided unflinchingly: No, that's an us problem now? How she refused point-blank to walk away even with blood in her mouth, how she flatly informed Tai "I'm never gonna be scared of you", and promptly turned a moment of pain into a declaration of love? And how this would etch itself into Taissa for the rest of her life? How she'd take these things that worked with Van--with the person Van was, with the bond they shared--and try so hard to run through an identical script with Simone?

Except Simone is her own person. A completely different kind of person. A person who hasn't been offered any of the context, any of the realities going on inside Taissa. So: naturally she doesn't respond the way Van did at eighteen--and will go on to do all over again in her forties. Naturally, she hears our dream as the excuse it is, not as a plea for connection. Naturally, she is scared away when Taissa pushes, and shouts, and begs. Because there isn't blood in her mouth, not yet, but there will be. And they have a son to worry about. And she isn't eighteen and a special kind of immortal, a special kind of romanticized. She's a grown woman with responsibilities, with priorities, with an understanding that you can't fix someone just because you love them. And Tai can't just perform a revival of the play she and Van had memorized twenty-five years later with a whole new performer in the works, and expect it to shake out the same.

Of course it doesn't work. But look at Taissa trying it. Look at Taissa trying to reframe her first love through a new lens. Trying to recast it. Trying to play it through again. Van taught her love was sticking out the blood, shaking off the pain, making a you problem into an us problem. Does it ever just eat at you, how tragic it is, watching Taissa try to shape her marriage around a woman who isn't even wearing a ring?

suncaster warriors :)

[please don't tag as LU] ; character info under the cut

goes by wars and captain

24, 5'7"

he/him

demifluix and ace

kind and caring and silly (so silly)

heart of gold

a bit of a workaholic

has to have 1 hug every day or he will Die

in a qpr with legend <3

fights with a sword and shield

excellent leader, excels in fighting against crowds

FAST

banned from his era

dark world form is a silver ferret

I talked about this elsewhere, but I really, really want to talk about it here...

So I joked about how a hobby of mine was to go to the DSM-V or a psych website in order to look up disorders and see how much I relate to them. It's really interesting to look up disorders I know I don't have and actively seek out parts of that disorder where I can go, "you know what, I get why you'd feel that way."

Anyway, it got me thinking about how mentally ill people are dehumanized... I think the biggest thing that separates sane people from us mentally ill people is that we are denied personhood, and we're are denied people being able to relate to us. It seems like sane people are dedicated to the idea that they could never be like us to the point that they miss out on being able to relate to us and ultimately see us as people.

What people truly don't get about psych issues is that many disorders are exaggerations of the emotions and thought patterns most all of us deal with. By nature, we are completely human and completely relatable (or, at least, have the potential to be relatable). You are not "too good" to relate to us or see our deep and ultimately human realities.

mixing is in progress...

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afternoon ponderings

nothing broke me more in yesterday's episode than realizing that the only reason why ruby doesn't describe weiss to little when looking for blake and yang simply is because she thinks weiss made it to vacuo. girlie already racking up seven different kinds of breakdowns and she doesn't even know her best friend's presence on the island is going to introduce a brand new one... please pray for ruby rose because she's about to eat dust this volume

Favorite part about Death Note is that Light gets the Note and IMMEDIATELY becomes a serial killer fascist with a god complex.

No build-up, no Fall From Grace, no slow corruption of a good boy gradually becoming a monster. Just-- SPEED RUN STRATS. And I love that for him.

Tbh, I think there are a lot of folks (especially boys) from my high school days who would have immediately become monsters if given the power of life and death over every person around them.

It's kind of like how when people have apparently casual ableist beliefs, and you push them to elaborate on that just a little bit, they'll often end up openly saying stuff like "well, some people are just too disabled to be worth the resources it takes to support them." - Which is... eugenics. It's just eugenics, justified by the myth of scarcity. Now these folks almost certainly won't call it eugenics, or even think of it that way. But that doesn't make it NOT a core belief of the Nazis.

In a similar way, Light seems like a nice and well-adjusted boy with strong beliefs. No harm in that.

But to paraphrase Lindsay Ellis in her analysis of the Game of Thrones ending, "Power doesn't necessarily corrupt. Power reveals." [I think she was quoting someone else when she said this. It was someone who wrote a biography on LBJ. Whatever. Lindsay said it and she's smart as hell and I recommend her videos.]

And 15 minutes into the Death Note musical, I'm already thinking about how so many beliefs "casually" held by well-adjusted, nice people immediately reveal their monstrousness when talked through to their natural conclusion.

And I wonder how many of those people, given the power of life and death over everyone around them - the power to take their ideas to their natural conclusions - would also immediately reveal how their lack of self-reflection has laid the groundwork for them to become monsters.

Sometimes I wonder why cold symptoms always get worse in the evenings there has to be a logical explanation for that

do you ever think about the fact that throughout the entirety of stranger things we’ve always seen mike practically shout his love for will from the rooftops by throwing his everything into believing, protecting, and helping will no matter the stakes, and how a majority of byler moments are initiated by him, and how will has always loved him back quietly despite being the one canonically confirmed to be in love, and how will is almost always on the viewer’s right in iconic byler moments but in season four we find him on the left in what used to be mike’s spot because their “roles” have switched AND when we’re taken out of the viewer’s pov and put in jonathan’s pov we see jonathan Come To A Realization here because while mike has always made it clear how special will is to him and how different their relationship is, will has always managed to keep the true depth of his feelings a little closer to his chest and it’s only when he publicly takes up that support role that mike has played for him previously that the audience is purposely made to realize, too, how romantic it truly is, because coming from mike everyone might have thought it was his usual overzealous theatrics but when the same tenderness and earnest love comes from will they realize oh. this is... this is actually something more. this is how they are this is mike and will like nothing has changed and no time has passed but it’s now that we realize just what it is, and now that will is starting to slowly but surely come out from this curtain he’s hid behind his whole life and voice that yes he loves mike of course he does he’s always loved him and loves him in precisely the way that mike expresses he needs to be loved there is simply NO conceivable way that they can come out of this hellish slow burn miscommunication trope not in full acknowledgement and eager acceptance of this love they have for each other and have always had and always will !!!!!!!!

Uhm..................

....... .......... ........... ........... ........... ........... ........ ..................... ........................... ........................

I bet after this

you'll never want that again. At least not with you hopelessly frozen in place.

Another funny thing...

........

Pfffft.... Tsukasa turned the table on him. Who would of guessed that?! ............ ............ ............

There was also that piece of Nene frozen in time, and Hanako really kind of took advantage of that thing...

his thoughts must be going back and forth with what Tsuaksa might do next. Though, I think maybe he feels 'Tsukasa' won't do much more than what he did? I have to also remember Tsukasa doesn't really care if time is stopped or not to do a thing he wants. This boy... too powerful....

Hanako should be prepared '''if''' anything new would come his way very soon.......

******

Maybe now he even regrets doing this thing... it's cool when you're the one playing the game... but it's not so cool when you're being played with. Akane really... got back at him twice by now...

so it wasn't 'low' when you threaten with it aaah.. I want to see how he would react to what Tsukasa did later on! ...... that's enough pay back for him I think.... on all he said and did.......

poor boy........

/takes a little breath amidst a quiet dash. Starter call!

Though I have threads/asks to get to, I'm curious if one of these would catch anyone's attention. I know sending in sentence starters isn't always up everyone's alley and it's a little harder when it comes to interacting with a character who's canonically dead in present day, like mine. Although (I need to write up the details for the first iteration of it) I do have her resurrected in a present timeline (see tags). If you're interested in me either coming to you, or fishing up something with a bit of a red line, give this a like and I'll see what I can do! Trust me when I say, if we're mutuals, I'm interested in writing with you. See this as a little cheat to grab my attention if you want it!

I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.

If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.

Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).

While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.

I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).

So I'll put this out into the void:

When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.

sometimes I wish you could post an opinion on a fandom blog without inviting a whole witch hunt or being accused of causing drama but alas