#it was so shippy and so choice and they both looked so. FUCKING. good!!!!
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so so SO incredibly fucked up over the fact that i was able to WITNESS john training amanda to carry on his legacy. and the way she struggled with it! the way she identified with gabriela (as a recent victim and former drug addict herself !!), the way she so clearly teetered on the precipice, but ultimately there is no moral quandary, no external force, NOTHING that could EVER get in the way of her love and devotion to john and that is just so incredibLY !!!!!!!!!!!
#i finally watched saw x and now it’s everyone’s problem#it was so!!!!!!!!!!!!! djskwoejwjSKDKDISBS#the way she KNELT. at his FEET. 🥴🥴🥴#I thrashed in my seat#I yelled at the screen multiple times#I have like 10 new fic ideas rip my wips#such an amazing thing to witness unfold canonically like chefs fucking kiss to the writers#it was so shippy and so choice and they both looked so. FUCKING. good!!!!#otp otp otp#amanda x john#saw x#saw x spoilers#it’s been out for 2 months but just in case
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Mysterious Lotus Casebook, ep 2:
So I really like Joseph zengs character. He gets better at acting each show i see him in. I love Fangs personality
Fang really did follow this doctor to his tiny mobile house and said You're Having me at Dinner, I brought drinks, work with me, drink with me whether you like it or not, my shifu is like xianyu and my uncle was the guy he died for (that lianhua is relentlessly still searching for the body of). ;-;
Fang also said your cooking sucks, my case here was kept private so fuck you help me More, also I can't actually pay Even though I'm used to being a rich bitch, I hero worshipped li xianyu, I saved your life TWICE DUDE do what I say (you can tell he's used to getting his little way uvu), and "I ran from an arranged marriage I'm not made for politics feel bad for me, i was made to bring justice to the world and make a name for myself~" and li lianhua hit him back with the "-.- I couldn't give a shit about your sob story or anyone's, I'm not looking to be heroic I'm just trying to mind my business dude."
He saved li lianhua twice that's so fucking funny to me. So like, I had a running count once of How Many Times wu xie swooned in dmbj dramas (lmao you can guess how BIG that list got) and how many times xiaoge saved him (if you guess once per episode that's probably the rough average). So it is. Particularly funny to me that wu xies actor is now the guy chronically saving another damsel. I hope fang saves li lianhua at least once per episode! Fuck it, I love twice per episode why not continue that! I want li lianhua falling in his arms repeatedly, nonstop, to the point its expected. I would very much enjoy that trope (and letting Joseph zengs character get to be the savior in said trope more uvu)
It's also funny cause wu xie was a prickly kitten of a damsel in distress. Whereas li lianhua is adamantly acting like he was NEVER about to die in the first place. There's mm... there's probably character details in there... something to be said about li lianhua not afraid of dying, or emotionally heavy enough he wouldn't mind getting to after 10 years of not dying from a poison when he Should Have and a mortal wound when he Should Have. Idk about other people, but when I got really chronically sick and I was in the ER almost dying a lot for months. Mm. It got to a point where I was like why can't my body just hit me all at once and let me live or die like when I got appendicitis, why does it have to be hurting me slowly and I just have to bear it and it's slow enough I have to get up and fight it every day and it may never end. And it's like I dunno, I see in li lianhua the ghosts of those kind of feelings. Maybe. We'll see I guess if it gets that emotionally heavy. Back to the point though, I find his character interesting and different than sifeng (which again I really appreciate lol)
I just. I love Joseph zengs character in this
I like the episode structures so far??? It feels like 2 parters, which helps to break up watching. And it seems it cheapened out on wasting time on some scenes in order to spend more time on case plots, which I think is a good choice
My gay rating? Not as gay (yet) as Word of Honor or Lord Critical World. Though reminding me of both shows. (Lord Critical World is WILD BTW and full of dmbj actors so I highly recommend it for a Weird Time). It is however striking me as having the potential to have as shippy vibes (at minimum) as Ultimate Note. Which I mean. I'm optimistic I guess?
Anyone else beyond refreshed to see a real dog instead of a cgi animal in one of these shows?
I'm curious how closely this follows the novel. Because I'm quite liking the show. If the novel is Just as good or better, I'll definitely be checking out the novel.
I am l...doubting it's intentional, but li lianhua's whole Setup feels VERY modern ordinary man, despite the wuxia setting and him being The Best Heroic Swordsman ever 10 years prior (and the Miracle Medicine Man/smart liar now). Despite the very belonging to this genre Character Setup, cheng yi plays him like a modern ordinary 35 year old, and a lot of character Details just strike as. Very relatable. Having a dog you share dinner with, living in a small mobile home (ultimately), having your own little garden (and budget being tight), trying to learn how to cook because you have to make good food for Yourself, lying to protect yourself in a shady environment (rather than playing Brazen Hero who picks a fight like one expects in this kind of shows hero type), been sick a long time and in no way in their prime anymore (even though he's relatable to me thats also lol just generally relatable to anyone who's aged and realized they can't be The Best at sports anymore or something), focused on people he loves now and being roughly fair instead of Saving the World (a very relatable goal and one I feel like a lot of people gravitate toward as they age: you don't always keep believing you personally will be a superstar or billionaire or save the planet on your own, and while it's awesome if you still do, you also start realizing you're satisfied to also just make sure your loved ones are supported and your local neighborhood has a food pantry you support and you get invested in what you can do today right now everyday to help in little ways).
#mysterious lotus casebook#lb#warning i get a little enotionally heavy just roll along past it lol#but summary: 2nd episode was as strong as yall promised!
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I’ve debated writing this for a while, because who wants to read my inane thoughts on the matter? What are my opinions really worth in the grand scheme of things? I’m not so self important to think this will be of any value. But, I’m an extroverted thinker, so this might help my brain finally shut up, and that’s worth something to me.
The hypocrisy surrounding Jikook.
Are they a couple? Maybe. I legitimately don’t know. I don’t default into thinking they’re straight. I don’t default into thinking they’re gay. Every member is a blob, sexually, until they define themselves one way or another. Because honestly, I don’t care. That’s between them and their potential paramours. There’s nothing wrong with either option, heck there’s nothing wrong with both or none. Live a life, man... good luck!
And I have no problems with shipping, to the extent it is done in a sane way and fans do not impose their ships onto the actual people. What I mean is, if you think Tae and JK look good together and you want to read stories or draw art of them as a couple and you want to explore their dynamic, you do you. However, it crosses a line when fans get mad when real people or real situations do not adhere to their fantasy. When they contradict footage and quotes and the feelings of those involved because it doesn’t fit into their little shipping box, that’s when it’s a problem. Be realistic. Have distinct lines between fantasy and reality, between what you might like and what is actually happening.
It is this reason, that I think shipping generally innocuous and indicative of the shipper more than the celebrity, that I also don’t think the celebrities in question need to be defended against shipping. Because if it is distinctly fantasy, then unless they express an opinion on the matter, most celebrities don’t really seem to know about it or care. It’s harmless. That defense, those hackles raised, again say more about the fans than the celebrities. When Xiao Zhan’s (XZ) fans got pissed off that some fanfic writer was portraying him as trans, XZ never weighed in on it. It wasn’t until those fans, in DEFENSE of their idol reported the writer and those of their ilk to the censors in China and got AO3 blocked on Chinese internet, that’s when XZ stepped in. And not to thank his fans for defending him, but to apologize to all the innocent Chinese fanfic writers who lost their work and their sanctuary because a handful of his fans had gotten the site banned. Again, the problem here was fans imposing their own beliefs on the celebrity, in this case thinking he would be upset by this and thus needed to be defended. They ended up causing more harm than good.
So the crux of this, what’s been kicking about in my brain, was the need for the fandom to “defend” JK from “shippers” the day after “hickey gate” and why these things only ever seem to focus on Jikook moments.
First off, “hickey gate” stemmed from footage that was a full, editorial choice to be shared on the part of Hybe and BTS. It was behind the scenes, closed set, pandemic lockdown footage edited together and released as official content, not some concert fancam or paparazzo on the street catching a private moment. They chose to leave in both Jimin and Jungkook on TWO occasions addressing the bruise/bite/hickey on JK’s neck, with the source being attributed to Jimin both times. Thus, people discussing this after the fact is a natural biproduct of it being shared. Is it even “shipping” when we are given the footage and the explanation? Is it not just a strange fact? This isn’t someone superimposing a fantasy onto them. This is the boys flat out saying Jimin bit JK and left a mark on his neck. I get debate over whether it was a bite or a hickey might lend itself more to “shipping”, with the latter being more shippy, but seriously, just looking at it would make anyone to question whether the BRUISE was more a hickey than a bite mark. What it says about the nature of their relationship is a whole other animal, but the fact is, it happened. And people are going to have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about this. And that’s obviously something Hybe/BTS were ok with to share it in the first place (seriously, we would have never known, we DIDN’T even have a whiff of this until they put the whole thing on the DVD, so they were obviously OK with this leading to speculation, because how can a member saying they BIT another on the neck not?). All the content we are given of the boys snuggling, biting, ear sucking, tenderly addressing each other, etc.. is mostly a choice. And that choice will lead to questions and debates, and they’re obviously ok with it. It’s not wrong for people to be like, “huh” when they do questionable things and choose to give us said content about the questionable things.
But, there always seems to be this backlash when it’s Jikook. We have to “defend” JK, a fully grown man, who brought up the bite himself on camera from people talking about the bite as he himself said it was given to him. No backlash to people saying Jimin claimed doing it to cover up JK’s secret girlfriend (uhhh, when homosexuality is a no-go in SK, that seems a weird choice, but sure, ok.... like just cut it from the footage and slap some make up on like they do during the concert, since none of us noticed it then, and move on if you want to cover it up). But that’s allowed supposition despite having NO EVIDENCE to support it. And what we are TOLD actually happened is not ok and “shipping”?!?
Worse, when days later some innocuous “TAE AND JK WERE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER OMG! THEY’RE IN LOVE” trends, where is the “save JK from shipping” rhetoric? That is CLEARLY shipping. I’m not saying Jikook shippers don’t do this, too, they do. And I laugh and shake my head at every little thing being dissected and offered as “proof”, but there always seems to be this backlash when it’s Jikook. ESPECIALLY when it’s undeniably... different. Neck biting. Ear sucking. “with JK at 4 a.m.” when they found out Dynamite got number one. Golden Closet Tokyo. These things are facts. Again, they’re... weird facts that do lead me to raise an eyebrow a lot, but they are facts and they were shared by the members as facts. I don’t think it’s necessarily shipping to think weird facts are weird and may lead to conclusions that don’t adhere to the THEY ARE ALL INHERENTLY STRAIGHT manifesto so many fans seem to have (and I think “straight until proven otherwise” is a shitty perspective anyone could have in any walk of life and again speaks to inherent or unconscious heteronormative perceptions in society - hurray -_-).
But even the dumb shippy stuff that ALL other combos have, is always an ISSUE when done by Jikook. Their bond or interactions are downplayed by major accounts. They’re an outlier. Some shippers even try to make it out like they hate each other (whaaa? HOW?!?!). Any odd interaction that really is just odd is deemed “shipping” and cast off into the no-no void, where it’s WRONG if you side-eye it. And I know WHY. I know it’s because they ARE different and they do do stuff people just don’t want to look too closely at because it makes them uncomfortable, so it’s easier to just deem it all “other” and “crazy supposition” and get rid of it. But it’s frustrating when it’s legit and it’s stuff they’re choosing to show and give us. It’s frustrating to be told you’re not allowed to go “huh, weird” because now you’re just a crazy shipper.
And again, I’m NOT saying Jimin and JK are in a relationship, because again, IDK, but I’m also not saying they're NOT either. I’m going to keep side eyeing the fuck out of some of the stuff they do and just enjoy that they are 100% each other’s person in the interim. And if that makes me a crazy shipper, then I guess that’s what I am.
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having finally started c1, i have so many thoughts on specifically the choices that the cast makes in how they play their characters. i’ve seen clips from c1 from before i finished c2, but now that i’m actually starting it i realize i’ve really only seen THE most iconic bits (the saddest counterspell, bath shenanigans, vex getting her title, “take off the mask”, etc etc) and it’s prevented me from forming an accurate idea of how the characters are typically played.
i think liam has such a reputation for being angsty that i was caught completely off guard by how fucking funny vax is, and not in a “sad guy is funny” way but in a he is such a little shit kinda way. percy is so much warmer than i would’ve imagined from fanon, but the biggest thing i’m noticing is that i’m suddenly seeing idiosyncrasies in the mighty nein that i assumed were just quirks of the actual actors but now realize are probably definite choices in how the characters are played.
before watching c2 there were some things that were obviously character choices--liam’s dead disassociated caleb stare, marisha’s beau arms-crossed-lean-back, sam’s horrific open mouth snarl...i do remember when cad came in hearing his long thinking sighs before speaking i thought, “oh wow if i hadn’t seen taliesin play molly before this, i would’ve thought that that was his thing and not a character thing.”
the BIGGEST thing i have noticed though is fjord’s discomfort with touch. like it suddenly seems painfully obvious after watching travis play grog. i think i just sort of assumed that travis was way less cuddly than the rest of the cast (especially since he’s sitting next to marisha and liam) but now it seems like much more of a character choice.
okay so here
grog’s first instinct is yesss!!! reach for pike!! and there’s also in general a fair amount of casual touch between vex as well. he doesn’t flinch away from in character touch initiated by them either. (important note is travis DOES reach over to hug people in c2 after a particularly good moment as well but it’s always firmly out of character. see “beautiful wizard bastard”)
fjord is almost perpetually in this sliiight leanback from everyone else. he’s noticeably uncomfortable with jester touching his mouth to look at his tusks and with her checking to see if she can feel the orb in him, both when he initially absorbed it and later when he got the second orb. the most contact he ever issues is fistbumps to beau, and that’s about it. (it certainly fits with fjord having, as travis put it, a lot of “male crap” put in his head by vandrin).
*sidenote that you can choose to view as shippy or not: caduceus picks him up in clay and dust and he barely even reacts.
#critical role#the mighty nein#thane watches critical role#i could be totally wrong on my interpretation of this#it could very well be that he just feels weird about his tusks#and that the whole situation w the orbs just freaked him out in general#but i would love to hear Other Opinions#fjord
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2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition
This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...
Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.
DRAMAS WATCHED
(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)
44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.
43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.
42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.
41 You Complete Me - no you do not.
40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.
39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.
38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.
37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.
36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.
35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.
34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.
33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.
32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.
31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.
30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.
29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.
28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.
27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.
26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.
25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.
24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!
23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.
22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.
21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.
20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.
19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.
18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.
17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.
17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.
16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.
15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.
14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.
13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.
12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.
11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.
10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.
10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)
9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)
8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!
7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.
6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)
5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.
4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.
3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.
2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.
1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.
FAVORITE DRAMA
The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.
WORST DRAMA
Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.
FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER
Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++
Runner Up: Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.
Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.
FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER
Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.
NEEDS TO BE MURDERED
Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.
Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.
FAVORITE SHIP
Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!
FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP
Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.
NOTP
Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.
FAVORITE SCENE
It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.
BIGGEST CRUSH
Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.
BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER
Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.
NEEDS A SEQUEL
To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!
NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT
The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.
NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)
TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.
TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE
Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.
FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF
Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way, from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.
BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE
The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years.
2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH
None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time
BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020
Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.
ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.
MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021
I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)
Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love
#cdrama#legend of awakening#the wolf#go ahead#love and redemption#love in between#legend of fei#the legend of jin yan#the romance of tiger and rose#twisted fate of love#castle in the sky 2#legend of xiao chuo#the legend of xiao chuo#oops the king is in love#unicorn girl#autumn cicada#you complete me#dance of the sky empire#skate into love#irreplaceable love#eternal love rain#for married doctoress#love designer#love is sweet#renascence#my dear destiny#the chang'an youth#god of lost fantasy#cross fire#handsome siblings
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Something with Sky and Warriors? I feel like they would get along pretty well
[Knights bonding and being friends is good, I concur that they’d be friends.]
Warning(s): This is super shippy, much more than I thought it would be. I put the ships in the tags just in case. Also, there's one part where a girl doesn't accept a no, but it gets shut down very quickly.
It was rare that they entered a town during a festival, especially with enough time in the day to fully appreciate it.
“Hey, old man,” Warriors had approached Time before they had fully entered the gateway to the thriving town, catching the sound of music and laughter on the air, “What do you say to a day or two of rest here? I think it’s not wrong of me to say that we’ve earned a bit of leisure time.”
Time caught on quickly, nodding to the guard standing nearby as they scrutinized the heavily armed group. He could see the brightly decorated lanterns strung up above the streets, could hear music and laughter further in and smell freshly baked treats. They had been on the road for days by now, and from the glimmer of excitement in the weary eyes of the group, it was clear that this was as good a time as any. Time turned to face the group, catching the satisfied smile on the captain’s face.
“It’s as good a time as any,” he began, the group halting in place at his voice, looking up at him with varying expressions of hopefulness and excitement. He smiled. “Go and enjoy yourselves but meet at the local Inn before nightfall.”
The resounding cheer caused Warriors to chuckle, and not even a second later Wild was leading the charge of Wind and Hyrule into the middle of the town. Twilight followed with a shake of his head and an amused smile of his own. Legend and Four had ducked away as the chaos began, taking a side street to explore. Time left him with a pat on his shoulder, leaving him with a weary Sky standing near the closest building, looking around to where the others had disappeared to. close to collapsing against it.
“Hey, you alright over there?”
“Yeah, just a bit tired of walking,” Sky shrugged, adjusting his sword strap as he approached, “Not really sure what to do either.”
“Well, my friend, you got stuck with the right person,” Warriors smiled, throwing an arm around the other’s shoulders, “Come on, let’s go find a place to sit nearer to the festival.”
Sky had no choice but to follow along, Warriors keeping a firm hold on his shoulder as he led the way through small crowds of people milling about. The music got louder as they approached the buildings closer to the center of the village, finding a small table close to the edge of the crowd. It was the perfect spot to watch the small group dancing near the fountain, a band of musicians nearby playing a merry tune.
“This is as good a spot as any,” he said, shoving Sky into a seat and taking the other across from him.
“And now we’re?”
“Watching the chaos unfold.”
Sky chuckled, turning to watch as the song ended. People were applauding the band, just as Wild ran through the crowd with a gaggle of children in hot pursuit, laughing and yelling the whole way. A few adults looked amused, carrying on with their enjoyment of the event. A village girl approached their table then, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers and keeping her eyes trained on Sky.
“Would you care to join me for a dance?”
Sky shook his head, but she was undeterred.
“Please? Just one dance and then I’ll leave you be.”
“I’m sorry miss, but he said no, did he not?”
The girl turned to Warriors then, a hint of annoyance under her smile. She stopped twirling her hair.
“What, is he gay or something? Is that why? Are you his boyfriend?”
Sky looked instantly uncomfortable, and Warriors’ gaze hardened.
“And if I am?”
The girl huffed, walking away into the crowd as the next song started up. Warriors shook his head, annoyed yet somewhat amused.
“Can you believe that girl? Who doesn’t understand what a no means?” He sighed, turning to see Sky looking down at his feet, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Sky replied, fiddling with his glove, “You wouldn’t uh… no, never mind.”
“No come on, Sky, you can say what’s on your mind. I won’t say anything or judge you.”
His companion was quiet for a moment, then took a deep breath. He looked Warriors in the eye, his expression brave, yet fear lingered in his gaze.
“If I were uh… not entirely straight, would you think less of me?”
“Not at all, I believe I’m the same way when it comes to relationships,” Warriors smiled, hoping that it looked comforting, “Has someone caught your eye?”
Sky turned away fast, red creeping up his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
“W-well, uh, there’s Zelda- my Zelda anyway and-“
“Oh? And? More than one love interest, I see.”
Sky covered his face then, but he couldn’t conceal the blush that was growing on his face or muffle the surprisingly high-pitched exhale of air. He laughed, loudly, throwing his head back and smacking his leg with the force of it. He didn’t care if he drew the gaze of the villagers, it didn’t matter. Eventually, he breathed again, wheezing with tears in his eyes as he looked back to Sky, still hiding his face.
“So,” Warriors smirked, resting his face on his propped-up hand, “Who’s this other person who caught your attention?”
The response was muffled, but the captain didn’t muffle his amused response, chuckling and reaching over the table to pry the Skyloftian’s hands from his face.
“No, no, I wanna hear it. Please tell me?”
The hands dropped, revealing a very red-faced Sky. Warriors chuckled again, patting his hands.
“If you’re uncomfortable you don’t need to say, but I’m awfully curious about who would make you react like this to the mere thought of them.”
Sky made another high-pitched noise, shaking his head.
“N-not uncomfortable, I promise,” he managed to speak, he took a deep breath then looked back to Warriors long enough to make a decision, then look away again, “His name is Groose, okay?”
“Oh? And may I take a guess as to why you’re so embarrassed over this Groose person?”
A shy nod was all he needed, his grin growing into a near shit-eating one.
“Let’s see, I bet he’s tall and muscular. He acts all tough but he’s a softie, the reverse of you really,” He listed each off on each finger, looking over at Sky’s face each time and noticing how the blush seemed to grow, “He’s gotta be great at something that you admire, what is it?”
“He’s good at building stuff.”
The mumble was just audible enough, the lovestruck smile confirmation enough that he was smitten.
“He must be a good one then if you’re this way about him.”
Sky ducked slightly, smiling wide. Warriors was satisfied, crossing his arms with a smile as he watched the villagers dance. Then he felt a tap on his arm, looking over to see a very determined looking Sky.
“Your turn. Tell me who you like.”
“Oh boy,” Warriors was now the one looking down at his feet, mind a screaming mess, “heh heh, are you sure you really wanna hear about all the people I’ve been with?”
“I bet that’s a lie, you have a partner if not more, so spill. I embarrassed myself, now it’s your turn to be embarrassed.”
The captain covered his face, looking very unlike a commanding officer at that moment.
“Damn you and all you stand for,” he cursed, his companion laughing as he poked his arm.
“Say it, come on Captain, it’s time to accept your fate.”
“Fine!” Warriors tore his hands from his bright red face, “Impa and Volga! They’re both powerful and hot as fuck, are you happy?!”
The loud cackling next to him was answer enough and he huffed as Sky began to cough through the laughing fit. He reached over to rub the other’s back, making sure he didn’t choke on air. Once the wheezing subsided, Sky smiled wide.
“Look at us, being lovestruck fools together. Wonder if the others are as hopeless as we are?”
“Knowing our group, I bet they’re just as bad if not worse.”
#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu sky#lu warriors#zelda x link x groose#impa x link x volga#sun x sky x groose#impa x warriors x volga#silver writes#fluff
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How it feels to settle down
-- Festival of the Four Winds, 1334 AE
“You’re wearing flats,” Akila says suddenly. People are chatting around them, a man and a woman are having a child, someone’s sister is lost somewhere and they hope to find her - it’s vacation, not general party mingling at someone’s estate but she can’t really help herself - but Renira doesn’t quite miss the tone of her girlfriend’s voice.
Like she’s solving a puzzle.
“Am not,” she says back, tapping her slight heel against the stone. “No flats on this woman, ma’am.”
“They’re flatter than your usual shoes-”
“For all my grace I don’t want to trip over uneven stone and fall to my death down below-”
“Reem, you’re a mesmer.” Akila suddenly stops, staring Ren down as she curls a coat around her shoulders. She looks so positively Elonian in that moment that the spymaster just wants to whisk her back to the desert. Hm, isn’t a trip to check on her Shadows contacts due soon? Akila waves her fingers in an imitation of Ren opening a portal and furrows her brow in pretend concentration.
The imitation is accurate enough for Ren to laugh. She leans down and steals a kiss. “That I am. So, what are you on about? What other clues did you get where I’m taking you?”
“Flats,” Akila clears her throat. “You only wear those when you’re out with Rana on a flight.”
Ren blinks. “Yeah. You haven’t flown on a griffon yet so I thought I’d take you. It’s beautiful out in the sky and we have the means to see it and pass it. Besides,” she adds conspiratorially, “I’ve seen people take their dates on these high cliffs, even a wedding. They flew a priest just so they could get married there, or so a lady here says.”
Akila stares up at her, eyes wide in surprise. She goes on her tippy toes as she grips Ren’s hand and whispers, “You’d marry me?”
“We don’t have a priest,” Ren hides the surprise in her voice - the thought didn’t cross her mind at all. For a longest while, she swore off marriage. In her line of work, it isn’t as profitable as romantic novels indicate. Even a relationship means leaving someone behind if you happen to fall into enemy hands. Infiltration requires a long time away that could ruin a budding relationship.
The thought of settling down with Akila sounds more agreeable than she would admit to. To hide it, she gives her girlfriend another kiss, this time a little longer.
Everything for the Order is starting so sound harder than it has ever had.
Akila is still looking up hopefully. There is such gentleness and joy in her dark eyes that Ren doesn’t quite know what to say. “Can we discuss it a little later? Now, we have a griffon to visit.”
“You like the idea, admit it.”
Ren looks at her feet as she murmurs, “I like it a lot.”
They hear Rana before they see her, though the griffon, like her rider, is a giant creature. Tasa laughs as she flies towards them and settles before Ren, eyes bright as she screeches happily.
“Melodious,” Ren comments, scratching her head. “Good to see you too, girl.”
“Will we both fit?” Akila asks, digging her fingers into Rana’s feathers. The griffon leans into her touch.
“She was the largest of her siblings,” Ren shrugs. “We should, theoretically. Now, you won’t throw us down, Rana? You promise?”
Rana seems to consider for a moment before tapping her paws on the ground. “I think she won’t,” Ren grins. “Who will feed her if she does?”
“She’s nicer than that, I think,” Tasa replies. “She’s really bonded with you, Miss Sulver. And she’s fond of Lady Akila too.”
Akila looks at Tasa. They’re both from Amnoon, Ren remembers. She wants to have a word with Akila’s parents from taking her freedom away by selling her to Joko, but she understands that desperate times call for desperate measures. What’s worse, crime or slavery? Can’t decide. But at least I had a choice in it. She’d shiver, if she was a lesser spy. Death or waiting for a lich to fuck you? What’s worse?
“Let’s soar to the skies,” Ren declares to cut through all the negative thoughts.
Akila kisses her hand and rubs it against Ren’s cheek. Height differences at their best, Tybalt once joked. Then, she taps the saddle.
Rana screeches happily as she flies through clouds. Akila’s fingers dig deep into Ren’s exposed belly as she holds on tightly and Ren can feel the messed curls of hair against her back.
She may not know whether she wants to marry yet, but she knows one thing - that whatever may pass, this is what makes her happy.
--- Note:
Akila belongs to a guildie who isn’t on tumblr, but I wanted to write a piece of these two having fun because 1) haven’t written Ren in a while, and 2) she deserves some shippy fics as well. So, enjoy some Ren lore + Ren in love cause she deserves it :)
#gw2#gw2 writing#inspo birb has come to town#renira sulver#rana the griffon#i debated on the raptor's name honestly#but rana fits well#not only because it sounds similar to renira#but also because it means wound in my language#and it's something that i think fits#on some subconscious level#ren has some internal wounds that may never fully heal#but she's fine#10/10 for rana the griff#also reem is what rens disguise was when they met#so they kept it as a nickname
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i’ve said a couple times that i have a beau meta ready and was just waiting to hear marisha’s thought on a certain topic, and now we have! i now feel more confident talking about something that i took issue with: the idea that beau only backed off from jester and gave her blessing to fjord begrudgingly as a sign of her lack of self worth and is only going for yasha because she’s better than nothing.
alright, so under the cut is that post, my thoughts overall on the idea of beau “lying” and “self sabotaging,” how her relationship with jester and yasha has changed, and how yasha just really deserves so much. keep in mind everything here is like A MONTH OLD, i wrote all this around the time ep 110 aired. frankly i don’t even know how relevant most of this even is anymore cuz i don’t pay attention to discourse BUT people are claiming once again that beau is only “settling” for yasha so, here we go. (i added in more recent thoughts regarding marisha’s answer on talks at the very end.)
the idea that beau was just downplaying her feelings for jester to fjord like “haha no prob bro! totally over that pffft you’re in the clear” makes me super uncomfortable?? i get it would be in character for beau. i get that she thinks she’s second best and jester is looking at fjord, not her, so she would push her best friends together because she loves them and she’s not Worthy. that would be a very beau move. but doing so would also be saying that she herself only sees yasha as second best to jester. that she is now only pursuing yasha because “welp, my first choice is off the table :/”
and i find that to be SO disrespectful to yasha, who cares about beau so deeply and has had feelings for her long before beau had feelings for jester. who has been through SO MUCH and deserves to have someone love her solely for her, and not just because she was there, a back up because oh-so precious jester wasn’t available. yasha, who did the thing beau wants more than anything: picked her first. like do ya’ll honestly think beau “constantly upset that she’s never anyone’s first choice” regard would turn around and treat yasha, who she knows has been through hell, exactly like that? (never mind that yasha was beau’s first choice, but okay.) because ultimately that is what that take is saying, there’s really no other way around it. no matter how much she might be spiraling, beau wouldn’t do that to her friend who’s already been through so much heartbreak. yasha deserves better than that and she is better than that.
and to be clear i’m talking specifically about the idea that beau was just choking back her still-strong feelings for jester because she realized she wasn’t good enough and she Hoped Too Much But Wasn’t Enough. so she just pushed them deep down, lied that they were gone, and secretly-tearfully stepped aside for fjord and that basically that whole ep108 talk was another example of beau self sabotaging herself ala the hag. (even claiming that because of this she is headed towards another downward spiral??) the idea that she must’ve been lying.
is it really so hard to think that maybe beau just got over jester? that she told fjord about it, not to deflect, but because she just wanted to be honest? that she can still care for jester and her wellbeing, but just no longer in a wholly romantic way? (you can know your best friend inside and out just as easily as someone you’re interested in after all.) that maybe she realized her jester crush was just not that deep? it was, in her own words after all, just a crush. she wasn’t in love.
let’s not forget that beau’s second playlist, which specifically had a song for yasha that confirmed it was a crush all along and not just a physical thing, and nothing really romantic at all for jester, was released before they did ep108. if beau really did still feel strongly for jester, strong enough that she only said she was over her because of self sabotage,,, wouldn’t there have been a song? marisha’s not dumb; that would’ve been THE time to bring up if beau’s feelings had turned from just a little crush to something stronger, just like travis and ashley did. but she didn’t. there wasn’t even a song about not being good enough for jester and needing to step side, no song about how much it hurts to secretly be in love with your friend. jester just got a platonic song. yasha got something romantic. i bring up that it came out before 108 because it shows that this is something that’s been building up. that she didn’t hear fjord’s confession and made an on the spot decision to be like “uh, my crush is gone dude go for it!”
is it possible she was just downplaying? sure. i’m not marisha, i don’t fucking know. maybe she watched jester kiss fjord’s cheek while he was revived and realized she couldn’t compete (tho even that doesn’t really line up because beau says to him in 108 that she doesn’t know if jester still likes him, she’s only guessing.) sure, we know beau lies, but at the same time, that doesn’t mean every single thing that comes out her mouth is a lie. beau spends most of the rumplecusp arc being the most open she’s been in a long time. she spent that whole evening having moments of realness with everyone, why suddenly lie now? like what, she had a deep talk with caleb, veth, and yasha and thought “you know what? time to lie to fjord about my feelings for jester that he doesn’t even know about.” fjord just bared his soul and feelings to her; it’s just as likely that she decided now is the time to be honest with him as well, to be honest with herself, because we know this is something she’s been thinking hard about for quite a while. the cast had three whole months between 99 and 100 to stew in the minds of their characters and figure out their wants and needs, but a lot of this also started before this.
stay with me here, this is gonna be a bit long. as i’ve mentioned before, i’ve been rewatching from 92 onward, focusing mostly on beau as i go and the obvious turmoil that meeting her father again left her in. and one thing i did notice is that in 96 - the episode where she’s at her most rough - she really is all over jester, that can’t be denied. she’s like, trying really hard to get her attention. but then in 97, which is only a day later, that’s gone. then the amount of attention beau gives to jester lessens over the following arc as she gives more of it to yasha. here’s the thing about 96: it’s the peak of her spiral. she hadn’t been ok since meeting her family again, and i think all of it came to a head when she met caduceus’s and saw a loving and supportive family, a sweet gentle father. i think it (along with nearly dying earlier) just set her off and she reached the peak of her regression and decided to act out and be shitty for the sake of it, and she latched on to jester because jester lives for that kind of thing. jester is the one who will say “make confused people’s lives even more confusing for the sake of a laugh? no judgement here let’s go!” it was likely easier to be like “haha yeah we’re having so much fun together heehe you’re so attractive when you validate my bad behavior ;3″ than it was to confront the shitty horrible mindset that she was in at the time and ask for help.
and then,, she’s kind of over it? when you reach a peak, the next step is coming down from it. she got out of that temple, she watched cad say goodbye to his family, she got some sleep. she calmed a bit, turned her issues inward, instead of taking it out through unnecessary mischief. and in a moment of just having some silly fun, flirted with yasha, and yasha threw that same energy back at her. yasha, not even missing a beat and cracking dumb jokes with her, calling her beautiful? that must’ve made her feel really good. then later, while she was having some alone time, she watched yasha be alone too. this woman who, just like her, carries a lot on her shoulders and feels broken and lost; who just like her, once dealt with her inner demons through self destruction, choosing to deal with her hurt through quiet music. by being gentle and soft instead of hard and loud. not that expressing your hurt through being loud is always wrong, but that it’s likely such a different thing for beau. something she’s not used to. something she might have decided she wanted to give a try.
i think this marked a turning point for her relationship with yasha. old feelings she forced herself to not think about resurfacing, a subtle reconnection to a kindred spirit, and i think it was the kick in the ass she needed to start feeling better after kamordah. (oh also?? fjord fucking dying. there’re a lot of reasons she started moving on, but i’m focusing on the shippy.) she started reaching out to yasha more from then on and into the rumblecusp arc. there’s gentle talks on the boat, there’s more beautiful harp, there’s healing hands, there’s carrying, there’s flying with owls, there’s checking in with each other after fights, there’s looks. she seemed to be realizing that she didn’t need to cling to jester, because she didn’t need to act out and fuck with people to deal with her issues. because there was yasha, growing angel wings just to catch her. she felt, in her own jumbled words, “better than she has in a long time.” she’s doing so much better than she did a month ago, and yasha made her feel that way. i don’t think we’ll ever really know what marisha meant by “so many things, but not now” but in the context of everything, it sounds like someone who is now doing a lot of thinking.
beau had a moment, within just two days of each other, where she took a solo flight with both jester and yasha that resulted in the flying poofing out midair and they plummeted and had to scramble to land without injury. only one of them left her visibly and audibly stunned, amazed, breathless, and flustered beyond belief.
i bring all of this up, i lay this all out, because if you really think about and look at how beau’s relationship with both jester and yasha evolved over the course the late 90′s and early 100′s, what’s more likely? that beau really was spending all that time still desperately pining over jester, reluctantly stepping down for the sake of fjord’s feelings? or that she simply realized just how strong her feelings for yasha had become, and always were, and they eclipsed her feelings for jester? realized that just maybe, her feelings for jester only happened because it was less scary than falling for a widow, but that she wasn’t scared anymore? (for the record, i don’t think marisha literally meant “physical body lust” when she said that. colloquially lust doesn’t always mean “just wanted sex.” i think she meant like... something that burns hot and eager but is otherwise not the same as a commitment. jester, in this particular situation, is that puppy in the window that you fall for because it’s just so cute and happy and bright and there and you want it, but you have to stop and think “do i actually want this dog or am i just charmed by the big puppy dog eyes because i just lost my other dog?” that’s how i think she meant it.) because i genuinely don’t know how people could see beau stare at yasha with a look of absolute awe while telling her “you’re incredible” and think, two episodes later, “poor thing only stepped away from jester because she felt inferior :/”
a lot of these takes i saw were written just after 108 and thus before 109 - 110, but there’s been no indication that she’s secretly jealous of fjord, or still looking at jester like that. her eyes have been firmly on yasha and she looks very happy for fjord and jester when anything happens between them, when previously, marisha wasn’t shy about pouting a little whenever jester looked at someone else, just like liam does.
beau is not falling headlong into a horrible crash that will fuck up her relationship with jester and yasha. she’s doing better than she has in a long ass time, she’s healing. she’s finding her way to the arms of someone who she not only picked first, but who picked her first too.
present day october arctic jumping in to say now: we now know that yes in some ways, beau was thinking about fjord’s feelings, but it came from a place of love. that she stepped back not because she was thinking “oh woe is me, i’ll never be good enough for jester i shouldn’t even try :(” but rather “hey you know what? i love both of these people dearly and if they would be happy together, i’d be happy for them.” (and that trying to be with jester wasn’t even as important to her as just being there for jester.) and that her picking yasha is not a sign that she is slipping more into a dark place, but the opposite: she’s come very far in her own sense of self worth and she’s allowing herself to want something, and that’s yasha, the person she’s had feelings for since like, day one.
marisha didn’t go in too deep with the question she got or give the ins and outs of beau’s feelings for jester and yasha like i’d hoped (man they love to be coy huh?) but we know this: beau did have real, legit feelings for both of them at the same time. and, yes, beau did step away from jester because she realized that jester and fjord had something going on. but she did it because, at the end of the day, she just wants jester to be happy. i didn’t get the impression from marisha that she meant this in a somber “beau thinks jester would be happier without her :c” way, but that her platonic feelings for jester were just as strong as her romantic ones, if not more so, and stepping back was something easy for her. (this wasn’t specifically said, but because marisha brought up how jester was beau’s first real female friend, i think you could argue that there may have even been some underlying “how much of this is romantic and how much is platonic? i’ve never done this before.” just a little bit.)
there was no lie. there was no moment of “oh no i’m not good enough.” she simply let go, and she did so willingly and gracefully. her feelings were real, but they really were just a crush, one that she had no problem at all just getting over, no all encumbering [romantic] love that people seemed to think. and i honestly find this to be extremely mature of her, to realize that a silly little crush was not more important than simply being there for her best friend. to say “her happiness doesn’t have to involve a romance with me and that’s ok.” this fictional character handled a crush on a friend better than i have in the past. there was no need for some grand conflict shaking them up; she just made the choice to get over feelings that, again, she had no plans to even act on.
and maybe there’s a tiny tiny flavor of “well, i wanna be with someone and yasha’s right there, so, i guess i’ll pick her” in marisha’s answer, but i really don’t think that’s the case, or at least not the only reason beau is now going after her. especially since, much of what she said was kind of just a summary of beau’s playlist, which came out all the way back around ep103-ish. the idea that beau is slowly coming out the haze of self loathing and realizing she wants a real lover isn’t new information. i think this was just the first time that marisha had a chance to vocalize that, and it just accidentally came out like “well, yasha’s there so” because she was juggling a couple topics at once, while at the same time seemingly wanting to limit how much she said. (i feel like both she and ashley are playing it a little bit coy because they want it all to be in character, not out.) from the hints laid out throughout the campaign and beau’s own words, it’s always been yasha, the feelings were always there, beau just wasn’t at a place where she was ready to admit that she wanted a real relationship. and both of them just had things they needed to work on.
i definitely find it telling that marisha made a point to talk about how beau wants to really be with someone after talking about how she let jester go. to me this is kind of confirmation that beau, for as much as she cared about jester, really sees yasha as someone she could truly be with. after all, if jester really was The One, wouldn’t she have fought a little more for her? wouldn’t jester be the one making beau feel things that she’s “been avoiding?” (and i think it goes without saying that this “avoiding” is the idea of being in real love.) compared to yasha, who beau tried hard to get over, but was always drawn back to, who she has always felt a kinship with. beau already took yasha off the table once, but months later still found her way back to. trying to let go of yasha was not nearly as easy for beau as letting go of jester.
beau was lonely, didn’t think she deserved love, and it’s yasha who’s making her realize how much she doesn’t like being alone. yasha is the one helping beau come out that fog of self loathing, who’s making her think maybe this is something she can really let herself have. there is no self sabotaging to be found here, just mutual healing.
wow this is so long ALL OF THIS IS JUST A LONG WINDED WAY TO SAY no beau picking yasha is not her “settling” or a sign that she is secretly trying to let go of her soulfully desperately pining for jester, because beau will never think she’s good enough. she just likes yasha and is in fact doing so much better than she has in a really long time because of yasha. because yasha is incredible.
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Fic request; (sorry if this isn't a personal headcanon of yours) Kai comes out as nonbinary & the team are largely accepting. Tyson takes longer than the rest to understand and pesters Kai with all his questions & general Tyson-ness. Doesn't have to be shippy but would be a nice bonus!
Oh I love this! I’ve read about someone's headcanon being Kai as nonbinary! As someone who also struggles with their gender identity this will be fun to write! I’m excited! But I understand this can be a sensitive topic for some people, so I’ll throw it into a readmore. It’s not my personal headcanon but writing this will be interesting and fun! I’m adding some Ressyfaerie flare so I apologize if it’s not exactly what you imagined! <3
The team had noticed Kai’s subtle attempts to experiment lately.
Wearing clothes that weren’t his normal style, the most surprising was the almost crop top Tyson immediately pointed out. Ray noticed the extra makeup he occasionally wore under his blue shark fins. His dark coloured clothes would occasionally be more pastel. He went to a school across town, so they didn’t see him most of the day; regardless they still noticed a change in his attitude. With each passing day, he became more comfortable with himself.
Today started off as any ordinary training day in the dojo. The team showed up after school and huddled waiting for Tyson who generally showed up late. Kenny opened his laptop in the corner, Hilary showed up with snacks attempting to bribe the team into showing her new blading techniques. Max and Ray stayed close, talking strategy or gossiping about what happened at school. Today Max wore a frilly green skirt overtop of white leggings.
“Hey! I was wondering where that went!” Hilary gasped when she saw it.
“Sorry Hil!” Max shrugged with a smirk.
“When I said you could borrow my clothes I didn’t mean keep them in your closet for a rainy day!”
“Hehe, sorry. I’ll buy my own, I’ll give your stuff back.” She glared at Max, “promise…”
They heard the door open. As good teammates they had all memorized the way their friends did everyday things, opening doors, walking, you name it.
“Here comes grouch of the year.” Max groaned.
“He’s been a lot better lately, give him a break…” Ray patted Max’s shoulder.
The door to the dojo slid open, Kenny looked up from his computer for a moment, “hey Kai!”
“Hey Kenny.”
Kai gave him a look that might have been a smile… or a judging glare… Who could tell at this point.
“Oh! Kenny smiled while pointing at Kai’s hand, “pretty colours!”
“Kai, I love them!” Max bounced over and grasped one of his hands inspecting the nailpolish. “Did you do them yourself?”
“Y—yeah… thanks.” Kai gulped.
Ray looked at them over Max’s shoulder. “Blue and red, good choice, any special occasion?”
“No. I just like doing them sometimes. It… makes me feel good.”
“Hey that happens to me too!” Max’s eyes shimmered.
“I haven’t worn nailpolish in public yet…” Kai looked to the ceiling and looked back down to the group. “I know it’s not normal.”
Ray chuckled, “it’s normal Kai.”
“What is normal anyways?” Max let go of his hand.
“You make a good point.” Kai nodded his head in response while looking at his hand.
The door to the house flung open, they could hear someone kick their shoes off and groan.
Tyson…
They all knew it was Tyson, but Kai worried about him. He was painfully aware that Tyson would have something to say about his new look, even though Tyson enjoyed doing much the same things, he always had to point it out!
The door to the dojo was thrown open, Tyson burst through, “hey guys!” Tyson grew a huge smile while looking at his friends. Then he looked at Kai and his mouth grew into a gasp.
Kai rolled his eyes.
“Look at you, Kai! Someone has been working way too hard to be a pretty boy lately!”
Kai sighed, and Max knit his eyebrows.
Max whispered in Ray’s direction, “I think I get it...”
After a while they drifted into their work. Kenny and Tyson analyzed something on his computer. Hilary badgered Tyson to show her a new move. Kai fiddled with Dranzer in the corner, Max nudged Ray, and they made their way to Kai.
The two of them sat in front of Kai, the hardwood creaked under them. Kai knew they wanted something, but remembered he was trying to be… nicer lately.
“What’s up?” Kai lowered the tiny screwdriver he was working with.
Max smiled at him.
“What is it?” Kai asked again, this time with a bit more attitude.
“You know you can tell us anything right, Kai?” Ray was pressuring him.
“Ray!” Max swatted his shoulder gently.
“Look, I’ve been uh…” Max folded their hands together fiddling with individual fingers. “For lack of better words, gender hopping for a while now. So I guess… What I’m trying to say is… I get what you're laying down.”
Kai blinked a few times, surprised Max picked it up so fast. He wasn’t sure if he was ready… but he knew his friends, he could trust them.
“I uh.” Kai started, then laughed a bit, “wow.” He fiddled with the small screwdriver on the floor, “you just… right on the money, Max.”
Max dropped his hand on Kai’s thigh. Kai wasn’t huge on touching yet, but Max wanted to give him some form of comfort.
“I’ve been thinking for… quite some time.” Kai started, he rubbed the back of his neck before continuing. “About my um… gender identity.”
The room grew quieter. Both Kai, Max, and Ray were aware the rest of the room picked up on the serious vibe and were listening in.
Max went to say something, but Kai continued.
“I know it’s more than what I want to wear, or makeup or nailpolish. Anyone can do that stuff... It’s more than that. That’s why I’ve been thinking so much.”
Max put both hands on Kai’s leg. Kai grinned.
“I think… I might be non-binary—” the room was quiet, “I’m not one-hundred percent sure but—”
Max cut him off, “it’s fine Kai.” Their face practically glowed from how proud Max was of Kai. “You don’t need to give us a list of reasons, we trust you.”
“Thanks.” Kai let a grin slip out.
“Wait, Kai, you’re gay!?” Kenny gasped.
“No...” Kai now worried that it was too soon.
“Kenny! Non-bnary is a gender thing not a sexuality thing!” Max educated his friend as best as possible in the short timeframe.
“Ooohhh , sorry.” Kenny blushed. “I’m not quite… on the gender train yet, but I’m trying.”
Kai gave Kenny a soft expression, “Thanks, Kenny. I appreciate it.”
Tyson turned around, Kai’s heart fell in his chest, “wait… So you’re not a boy, Kai?”
“What are your pronouns!” Max squealed over Tyson’s remark.
“Um.” Kai hadn’t really thought much about it, “like, anything really. He or them? I know you like them Max but I guess…”
“You don’t mind if we call you a boy?”
Kai shrugged, “I don’t feel like… dysphoric about it. Just that you guys know how I feel when you think about me… I think… that’s all I want.”
The room grew quiet for a moment. Max didn’t want to press the situation, but everyone had more questions.
“Do you experience a lot of gender dysphoria?” Max felt the sweat form in their palms, and relieved some of the pressure from Kai’s leg.
“Sometimes.” When Kai admitted it, he felt his shoulders become light. “But I think it really lines up with my trauma. That’s why… I’m still unsure. But I wanted you guys to know.”
“Thanks for telling us.” Ray patted his shoulder.
“I’m glad I did.”
Kai’s words rang through the dojo.
It was Tyson who got up first.
“Anyone want anything to drink? I’m going to go get a soda. Kai, you want anything?”
Kai was unsure what to think, he stared at Tyson, lost for an answer to a basic question.
“It’s not complicated. I’m not asking you to pick a gender or anything, just what to drink.” Tyson’s words seemed almost... angry.
Max ripped their hands away from Kai and spat towards Kai’s rival, “Tyson!”
“Whatever. I’ll get water I guess.” Tyson threw his hands in the air and left through the door outside.
“What is his fucking problem?” Max grimaced.
“He was never this upset when you came out.” Ray side eyed Max.
Ray and Max pushed themselves off the floor ready to go confront him. Kai got up, placing his arm in front of them.
“No, I think I should talk to him.”
Are you sure, Kai?” Ray wore a worried look.
“Yeah. It’s about time we talked.” Kai made his way to the door, opening it and sliding it shut behind him gently.
Outside the sun had just set. The backyard was veiled in twilight. The other side of the wooden deck across the gravel Tyson shut a door behind him, carrying a can and a bottle of water. Kai hopped off the dojo’s floorboards and felt the gravel crunch under his feet. He made his way to Tyson.
Tyson saw him, and sat on the edge. Letting his feet dangle while he looked over the yard as Kai approached him.
“What’s up?” Tyson raised his eyebrows and smiled sarcastically, then went back to a neutral expression.
“Are you okay?” Kai looked him up and down trying to find out what the problem was.
Tyson handed him the bottle of water with a friendly gesture. Kai took it, and unscrewed the cap, he chugged it.
Tyson opened the can, the only noise other than bugs and the slight splashing of fish in the pond.
“You know…” Tyson took a sip, “I like makeup, dresses, and nailpolish as much as the next guy. But I’m not like you guys.”
“That’s okay.” Kai sat beside him a few feet away. He leaned against one of the wooden beams, “we never said you had to be.”
Tyson scoffed slightly, “I get Max, I do. But you’re such a manly guy. Why?”
“It’s hard to explain if you haven’t felt it yourself but… It’s not just about wearing more… feminine things. There’s a mental aspect to it. And besides…”
Kai used his water bottle to gently bash it against Tyson’s leg, “I’m not that manly.”
“I’ve seen you in a suit…” Tyson shook his head while grinning.
Kai took a breath, “why does this upset you so much? You never had a problem when Max announced his gender reveal—”
“A thousand times.” Tyson finished his sentence.
They both laughed.
A few insects jumped off the pond and reflected the setting sun in their fluttering wings.
“Why does this upset you so much?”
“First of all, I’m not upset. You can do anything you need to do, Kai.”
“If you’re not upset, then what are you?”
Tyson gave him his full attention, the eye contact made Kai’s hair stand on end.
Tyson wasn’t answering, so Kai continued, “I’m still the same person I’ve always been. Nothing has changed, but now I can be more comfortable, and true to who I am.”
“I know that, and I’m proud of you.” Tyson shook the can in circles with one hand.
Kai was starting to lose patience now, “so what the hell is up?!”
“Nothing.” Tyson avoided the question while staring into the distance.
“There’s got to be something if you’re acting like this—so what the hell?”
“It’s fine, Kai. Let’s just forget about it—”
“No.”
Kai was stern, making sure to stay true to his emotional truth.
“Excuse me?” Tyson layed down the can with a loud thud.
Kai threw the water bottle beside him, still holding on to it, his whole body stood still in a white anger.
“You’ve been picking on everything I’ve been doing lately, pointing out every change, in my personality or appearance. You’ve been hypersensitive to me changing, now you have to tell me why!”
Kai’s intense words made Tyson raise his voice louder.
“Because! It’s so annoying! I was so confident in my sexuality but now—if you’re not a boy then I guess that doesn’t make me fully gay like I thought and now I have more soul searching to do! And that pisses me off!”
They challenged each other for a moment, until… Tyson noticed what he said, he could feel his face going red, and he drank out of the can while turning away trying to hide his expression.
Kai wasn’t sure if he heard him right, but what else could he have meant?
“Tyson…”
“Shut up.”
Kai let go of the bottle, it fell and rolled away from them, ignoring it he pulled himself closer to Tyson.
Tyson leaned away, his body felt like it was on fire out of embarrassment, he just wanted to turn and run.
“You don’t have to put yourself in a box. Just live. Figure it out as you go. That’s what I’m doing.”
Kai’s voice was—as always, honey to Tyson’s ears. Tyson shivered, unsure what to do or say.
“It’s alright, Tyson.” Kai wore no expression, but Tyson knew everything he wanted to express.
Tyson stared down at his blue and red nails, smiling at the colour choice.
“I’m proud of you for telling us about your gender Kai… and I’ll support you anyway I can.”
“Thanks, Tyson. That means everything to me.”
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supernatural and the x-files (specifically destiel and msr) parallels
this was intended to convert my spn friends to txf and my txf friends to spn and then it got out of hand. i got tired of finding sources for everything, so you’ll just have to trust me, i’m an expert on both subjects.
cas=scully
cas/scully's faith in god vs dean/mulder being non-believers (but believing in the other) (spn) (txf)
cas being the healer, scully being a doctor (spn) (txf)
cas is supposed to guard the michael sword but falls in love vs scully sent to debunk the x-files but falls in love (spn) (txf)
cas and scully are both immortal (spn) (txf) (also)
cas/scully's families hate dean/mulder (spn) (txf)
cas/scully coming to believe in humanity/the paranormal (spn) (txf)
i'm an angel vs i'm a medical doctor (spn doesn’t have a compilation) (txf)
they’re not like... the best drivers
hello dean vs mulder it’s me (spn) (txf)
dean=mulder
dean/mulder's fucked up fathers (spn) (txf)
dean/mulder's eldest child syndrome and their unhealthy need to protect their younger sibling (spn) (txf)
dean/mulder being the best in their respective fields (hunting and criminal profiling) and being well known for it
dean/mulder and their porn habits (spn) (txf)
no one has ever hated themselves the way dean and mulder hate themselves (spn) (txf)
dean and mulder both have issues with fire (spn) (txf)
both die, get buried, and then come back
sunflower seeds vs pie
also they both hate nazis (spn) (txf)
yellow fever vs war of the coprophages (spn) (txf)
ship parallels
blue and green eyes (hazel is close enough)
for some reason theres a pizza man parallel? (spn) (pt 2) (txf) (pt 2)
mulder/krycek vs dean/crowley (spn) (txf) (also)
cas/hannah vs scully/pendrell (poor hannah and pendrell never stood a chance... and died)
also cas/scully get laid ONE TIME (april/ed jerse) and they almost die because of it and then never do it again (spn) (txf)
vs dean/mulder having plenty of love interests/hookups
cas/scully have never done anything wrong ever
dean/mulder... sigh... i love them... but they've made some questionable decisions (i'm looking at you mulder: fucking the vampire THE EP AFTER SCULLY'S ABDUCTION AND WHILE WEARING HER CROSS and dean, kicking cas out and locking jack in the ma’lak box?? really guys?) (spn) (txf)
creators who think their relationship is platonic despite everyone with eyes saying otherwise (spn) (txf)
also the way that neither were ever written or intended to be romantic
the fandoms were split heavily between shippers and non shippers
they also both had to have scenes changed because they were being played too romantic
a kiss was cut from the episode memento mori and gillovny were always trying to hold hands (x)
jackles forever wanting to cradle misha's face and the cut i love you from the crypt scene (x)
just... gillovny vs cockles in general, i am not a real person shipper, HOWEVER they are both messy (spn) (txf)
their first meetings? iconic. chemistry? immaculate. dean/mulder are super defensive but tbh cas/scully fell in love at first sight (spn) (txf)
they also had no concept of personal space pretty much immediately (spn) (txf)
they have a baby (that has magic powers) together that they lose twice (jack dies and becomes god, william/jackson is adopted and then as far as they know he dies) (spn) (txf)
cas/scully also have a kind of kid (claire/emily) that dean/mulder are willing to co-parent regardless of the fact that they definitely aren't theirs (spn) (txf)
we get an i love you that still doesn't get taken seriously or make them canon (stuck in the middle (with you) and triangle) (spn) (txf)
dean keeping cas's trenchcoat vs mulder keeping scully's cross (spn) (txf)
they go absolutely batshit when the other is in danger or dies/is dying (spn) (txf)
they're also known and used by their enemies as each other's weaknesses (spn) (txf)
msr being mistaken as a couple vs every angel and demon cracking jokes about destiel being a couple (spn) (txf)
skinner and sam just off to the side looking frustrated while msr and destiel are having a couples moment (spn) (txf)
eating each others food (spn) (txf)
appreciating each others interests (spn) (and this one) (txf)
parallels except the roles are swapped
dreamland/small potatoes vs casifer, i just think scully/dean should have realized IMMEDIATELY (spn) (txf)
mulders fight the future speech vs cas's confession (spn) (txf)
they should have kissed and didn't
it almost ambiguously canonizes them both
AND THE SECRET TAPES, the most famous msr kiss isn't an actual canon kiss, it's a blooper of gillian and david making out in front of the camera (two different times) and it wasn't scripted it was literally just them messing around (x)
this is me manifesting jackles dropping the tapes and those tapes having the same energy
they just really love each other (spn) (txf)
non ship/general parallels
leyla harrison vs becky rosen being fandom stand ins (spn) (txf)
they were supposed to end on season 5
Good but bad (absolutely iconic) sci-fi shows
they both had two finales which both sucked
they shared soooo many cast and crew and both filmed in vancouver
they're such similar shows, motw/story episodes, the funny and serious episodes, dealing with the paranormal, they're basically siblings
also siblings in the way that they handle racism, misogyny and consent/rape/bodily autonomy
the supernatural book series vs the movie made about mulder and scully (spn) (txf)
mystery spot vs monday (spn) (txf)
tall tales vs bad blood (spn) (txf)
the benders vs home (spn) (txf)
why did both shows use live bees??? (spn) (txf)
the fbi's most wanted and the fbi's most unwanted (also everyone involved looks cute as fbi agents) (spn) (look how cute!) (txf) (cuties!!)
the syndicate vs heaven and the cigarette smoking man vs god
the bunker vs the basement office
every single side character on both shows deserved better!!! most of them literally didn't need to die!!! and i'm still angry!!!
the poor brothers adam milligan and charlie scully existing and then being literally forgotten about until the last season
the fandoms living for things cut from the scripts (spn) (txf)
team free will vs mulder, scully, and skinner
these ones are shippy, but more my opinion than factual
both pairs just keep getting traumatic events dumped on them for absolutely no reason
cas/scully both have major exasperated why do i love this man vibes
absolutely most iconic and slowest slow burn romances of all time and are just the longest games of will they/won't they, baiting, and were never INTENDED to be slow burns
they're always willing to die/kill for each other, however they WILL NOT talk about their feelings under any circumstances
in the field where i died, mulder says that he and scully have been around each other in past lives but never romantically and according to chuck, every other universe's castiel just pulled dean out of hell and listened to his orders
SO in these other lives/universes they were always linked to each other but only in this life/universe do they fall in love
the last seasons really fuck up my favorite characters
dean should not be that shitty to jack OR cas for that matter
and mulder shouldn't have left scully and william (and dearest dana?? DANA?)
and, controversial opinion, but cas/scully could do so much better and deserve so much better but dean/mulder... it's the best they'll ever get
HOWEVER, i feel like their love is MORE powerful BECAUSE cas/scully could do better but they don't want better or normal they want dean/mulder and they will fight to the death for it, it's not the easy choice, it's just what they want
and i say this with all the love in the world for both dean and mulder, but cas could have just followed his orders and returned to heaven like every other version of himself did. scully could have easily found a normal man to settle down and have 2.5 kids with. dean was always going to be stuck in chuck's plans, and mulder absolutely could not just go find a wife to settle down with.
cas/scully put up with SO MUCH SHIT from dean/mulder, while being ALWAYS FAITHFUL to them, it was never the easy option to love these men and stay by their sides, it was hard and they worked for it!!!
they’re both the greatest love story ever told, they tied
#spn#supernatural#destiel#deancas#txf#The X-Files#x files#msr#oops i guess the indented bullets don't work on mobile#anyway#i really spent two days doing this#making this made me really have to confront what is canon and what is fanon deeply ingrained in my mind#ALSO every msr moment is perfect when imagined as destiel#and vice versa#if i were smarter i'd write actual meta about this cause it was actually super interesting
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do you feel like talking about tillchard? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 not necessarely in a shippy way, just,,, how their relationship functions and why,,,, how they made it work for so long even tho they're so different,,,, i'm trying to write them but i'm in a bit of a block and i feel like you can word things so well and hopefully it will make me able to string words together again 🥺🥺 have a good day in any case 🥺🥺
Okay we have to ease into this my brain needs to warm up to switch tracks so I'm just gonna
Disclaimer: this is mostly conjecture and inference, take it with a full handful of salt.
I feel like whether or not they're all that different is up for debate? Maybe in terms of interests and conflict management skills, but the fundamentals seem pretty similar. I'd argue that's usually the basis for long, intense friendships: your core structures are the same but there's enough difference further out towards the surface that it stays a little spicy.
For a start, they both had rough home lives, though to different extents and in different ways, and I think that's one of those things that really helps people bond deeply (especially as young adults). Finding someone who understands what you've experienced can be difficult, not even accounting for the fact that they didnt have the internet to seek others out and kind of met by chance.
For Richard, who learned from a fairly early age it was him against everything and everyone else, and Till, who at that time had gone through some interpersonal shit with the people he worked with before leaving to move in with his dad and then also the stuff with his dad, it must have been almost... Shocking? to meet someone they could click with and depend on. It doesn't sound like they had that before, but nobody really has asked them. On top of that is all kinds of other trauma and the mental health issues (depression, addiction, anxiety etc) that they can at least to some degree understand in each other. I have no idea how long it took for their friendship to get that intense or any of that more specific stuff, but I honestly don't think that matters: They understand each other at a pretty fundamental level now. Sometimes I think about how Till believes in karma and Richard believes in fate and I just... Yeah.
They have very different feelings and reactions when it comes to disagreements (Till hates conflict and will try to placate people or just do what they want completely, Richard prefers a good cathartic argument) and I can absolutely see them having a hard time with that, especially when they lived together for a while. Whether they have much to fight over besides silly friend/bandmate/brother things remains to be seen.
They're also both very driven and creative almost to a fault? Though Till seems a lot better at switching off and leaving that headspace, whereas Richard doesn't seem like he'd be able to even of he wanted to, which I don't think he does. If one is lost in their work the other will understand. I wonder whether they try to offer support, given how much emotion they both channel into it, or if that's not something either of them would want.
They feed into each others creativity so nicely too. They use that to their complete advantage and honestly just... Can you imagine Rammstein if they didn't go to each other with their ideas first? I think they need each others encouragement before they face the more critical members of the band: the support of a single person can make so much difference.
When the Mutter Situation was in progress Till was the only one in Richards side, though I doubt he inserted himself into many arguments because he's allergic to shouting. I with my whole heart believe that Richard would have tried to leave Rammstein if it wasn't for Till. He'd already thought about it, in particular at times when they were struggling financially. Without that tether would he have gone back willingly? I'm not so sure. He loved them and they were still friends outside of the work, but I don't know that the work with them would feel worth it. Complete conjecture.
Theyll have inevitably drifted in and out of their friendship over the years, which I know a lot of us (especially those of is in our teens and twenties) hate the idea of because we have not experienced 30-year adult friendships and therefore it feels Risky, but actually thats pretty fine. It seems like at some point Richard wasn't happy with the gap and he made efforts to change it, which says so much about him and them. No idea if it worked, but it (along with the stuff with the other guys) shows he's willing to work against his whole lone wolf thing. Again, that man will fight. I'm sure Till was receptive.
I also really do think the other guys being there and them all forming the band was vital. Yes, it did eventually mean their friendship morphed into something more like brothers and colleagues than friends, but again, Let's Go. "Sometimes people need to be reminded". Having those shared friends/bandmates—as well as Khira li, come to think of it— meant that two men who seem fairly prone to cutting themselves off from everyone else didn't have the choice to completely grow apart. It means they had even more shared experiences and had no choice but to be physically together for long stretches of time.
Related to the mutter thing, I do wonder sometimes how Till is when it comes to Richards drug addiction. He's not exactly a fan of the therapy (did it hurt Richard when Till said therapy makes people egotistical, what with him praising it so highly himself?) and still does drugs and binge drinks. How safe is he to be around if Richard is in a bad spot? Presumably Till isn't like that when he's not in work mode, so hanging out one in one or with family/the other boys is probably okay, but in tour? Well, maybe that's why Paul looks after him on stage like that.
Yeah. They're sweet boys and I'm glad they met each other, both because of the band and because they were clearly good for each other. Regardless of any of the negative stuff I just said they love each other. So. Fucking. Much.
Okay so looking back upon this I do not know if I did what you asked. Uh. Shit. Distraction:
#ive been trying to hard not to start with the autism/adhd thing im trying so hard to shush#rammstein#me rambling#till lindemann#richard zk#basically an essay#friends
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Narcos ramblings
Ok so I finished season 3 of Narcos the other night and oh god, I can’t stop thinking about it all and that’s why this post exists, because I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. No one else I know has watched it, so I have all these feelings but nowhere for them to go.
I got into Pedro off the back of The Mandalorian, but I had heard good things about Narcos a couple of years ago, although never got round to watching it. Having said that, I was NOT prepared for just how into it I was going to get. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like it’s got into my head and under my skin in a way very few series do (well, I mean The Mandalorian did exactly the same thing immediately prior to watching Narcos, so maybe it’s a Pedro thing lol, but I feel like that does both series a disservice because my reasons for loving both shows go way beyond Pedro, as lovely as he is obvs).
I wasn’t prepared to fall so in love with Javi or Steve and their wonderfully dysfunctional friendship/partnership. Both loveable idiots who frankly, I can’t believe didn’t end up shot and thrown in a ditch with the reckless way they both behaved at times. They were like a tag team of bad life choices and fucked up coping mechanisms. Every episode I found myself disappointedly shouting “Oh Javi/Steve honey, no” right before they did something dangerous and/or stupid. But I still loved them anyway.
I wasn’t prepared for Wagner Moura’s performance. HOLY SHIT, he absolutely blew me away. How he brought so much nuance and towards the end, vulnerability, to such an abhorrent, terrifying character, I’ve no idea. I feel I must stress I am clearly praising Wagner’s performance and not romanticising any of the things Escobar did in real life (I’d hope that goes without saying, but a disclaimer never hurt). But because I found Wagner SO utterly compelling to watch, I kind of missed him in season 3?! Honestly, I felt so confused about that for some reason, even though it’s completely reasonable to enjoy an actor’s performance and separate that from the real-life person they portrayed. I rushed straight to Wiki to see if he won any awards for the role and was kind of baffled to see that he didn’t (although nice that he and the show got several nominations at least). He was robbed!!
Going back to Javi and Steve, I also wasn’t prepared to feel this weird sort of angsty sadness about the way they were forced apart by the narrative at the end of season 2 and it somehow feels unresolved, because obviously Steve wasn’t around in season 3. I don’t even necessarily mean in a shippy sense (although I totally get why anyone would ship them…I’m certainly not opposed to the idea myself and could definitely be persuaded with the right fic), it just felt like they at least deserved another face-to-face scene once Escobar was taken down. It’s bad enough that poor Javi couldn’t be there in person to see Pablo’s demise, but to only get a phone call with Steve afterwards…*cries* The injustice is real. To be honest, I hadn’t looked up the cast for season 3 ahead of watching it, so wasn’t aware that Boyd wasn’t to be in it. So at the beginning of season 3, I just felt this really weird mix of happy that we’d be getting more Pedro, he was top billing in the cast list and that he had taken over narration duties (all very YAY worthy obviously), but then I also felt pangs of sadness that we’d be getting no more of Javi’s and Steve’s friendship. It took me a few episodes to adjust, even though ALL THE JAVI was good in its own right (the absolute HOTNESS of Javi doesn’t really need stating by this point, does it? It’s a given and we’re all horny for him…let’s just leave it at that 😉).
And that leads me to season 3 Javi…oh my god, SOMEONE HUG HIM. IMMEDIATELY. AND REPEATEDLY. Talk about carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. He looked so burdened and lonely for the vast majority of season 3, it hurt my heart to watch. That scene at the beginning of the series where he’s alone working in the office after hours and he goes to talk to someone only to find everyone has gone. MY HEART. I think that’s why the lack of Steve really got to me, because oh my god Javi needed him. He needed someone to shoulder the burden of the job, someone to bounce off, someone to talk him out of/back him up on his latest mad and dangerous plans or just someone to brood with over a whiskey after a reaaalllly bad fucking day. He needed his partner and his friend back, damnit!
The only way I can make myself feel better about it all is to head canon that despite Javi telling his dad at the end that he was done with it all, whilst he WAS done with Colombia, he wasn’t done with taking down Narcos and after a bit of a break and some soul-searching, I’ve decided he either moved to Miami and re-partnered with Steve there (I can’t imagine Connie being up for another relocation, poor woman has the patience of a saint); or they both re-located to Mexico to assist there. It’s literally the only way I can stop myself from wanting to sit and cry in a corner.
I am conflicted about the ending we got for Javi…on one hand, absolutely yes give the poor man a break, he’s done more than enough and it’s about time he found happiness and Colombia had turned him into someone he didn’t much like or want to be. But on the other hand, in the long run, would he a) have been happy in Texas? He didn’t look like he belonged at the wedding we see at the beginning of season and b) be able to stand by and do nothing knowing that a large portion of the drugs trade was right on his doorstep? Colombia changed him (and Steve) and not necessarily for the better, but I don’t think you just give up and walk away that easily. So, I choose to view it as more of an open-ended finale, especially as when they shot it, they didn’t seem to know for certain who the cast of the next season was going to be and then it became a spin-off at a later date. If Pedro had stayed on, they could easily have justified Javi remaining in the DEA.
Something else I wasn’t prepared for…I kind of shipped Gaviria and Eduardo? They behaved increasingly like a married couple and then, suddenly, Eduardo sacrifices his job and reputation to save Gaviria and is gone never to be seen from or heard of again. And BAM, I was crippled by more unexpected angsty feelings…that I’m pretty sure can’t possibly have been intended by the writers and it’s probably just me and my tendency to over-invest in these things, but still. THE ANGST WAS REAL, OK? Eduardo was such a cute cinnamon roll…and man, there really was a drought of cinnamon rolls in this show lolol. I was way more upset than I probably should have been when he left.
I feel I also must say, all of my opinions and feelings are based on the fictional portrayals of the characters. I’ve read a bit about how much actually happened in real life, but I’m obviously only talking about the versions of the characters portrayed in Narcos in this post.
So yeah…I’m sorry for this mad ramble, but I needed to get it out there and off my chest, because my husband and people on Twitter just don’t understand wtf I’m talking about and well, even if no one here does, I don’t feel like I’m being judged on this site at least 😉
#Narcos#Steve Murphy#Javier Peña#Pablo Escobar#Cesar Gaviria#Eduardo Sandoval#Boyd Holbrook#Pedro Pascal#Wagner Moura#Raul Mendez#Manolo Cardona#Ramblings#I'm sorry but I had to get this off my chest#It's all I've been able to think about these past few days#And no one I know understands#Narcos ramblings#My ramblings#Meta
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Gallifrey Relisten: Spirit
This reaction post is almost 4,000 words long, which, given the episode in question.....is very on brand for me. So here have a whole lot of ramblings, in which I go back and forth between “I love this so much” and “hmm yes I do think Spirit is overhyped by virtue of being The Romana/Leela Episode,” and back and forth between “I will be objective and not get overtly shippy about this” and “I’m definitely getting overtly shippy about this.”
(Includes discussion of The Apocalypse Element, the rest of Series 2, Intervention Earth and Enemy Lines, also a bit about Time War 3, but only in the last section.)
Things that are absolutely not overrated and deserve every bit of the hype:
1. The premise
Like, hold on. Hold on. Here we have an entire episode resting on the premise of “Romana wants Leela to stay on Gallifrey so badly that in spite of being y’know, the President of a planet, and specifically a planet currently undergoing major social changes and dealing with evil eldritch beings, the #1 most important thing for her to do with her time is take Leela on a private vacation off world to convince Leela why she should stay on Gallifrey.” (Hint: it’s. it’s for Romana.)
She also then proceeds to be very bad at using her words when it comes to this premise because Romana is all into grand gesture and very little into actually talking about her feelings. Of course. But in an episode that rests on the idea of Romana as the Rational, Logic-Driven One, and Leela as the Instinctive, Emotion-Driven One, it is very good that the premise of the episode is entirely driven by Romana’s emotions. (Wait. Am I going to talk myself out of the idea that Spirit creates these overly simplistic contrasts between Romana and Leela by arguing that it also muddies them at the same time? .....I still think the “overly simplistic” thing is true to an extent. But stay tuned.)
2. The core emotional story
I’m deeply into Gallifrey for the relationships between the main characters, so Spirit is vastly appealing on that front.
The central question of Spirit is: can Leela trust Romana? Leela’s been deeply betrayed by her husband, she feels lost and adrift and she’s doubting her own ability to judge people. (“He stood before me as Torvald, and I did not know him. I had thought myself to have a keener eye.” / “But is his the only trust I may have given in error?”) Leela’s doubting her own instincts specifically, which is why it’s so important that this episode has Romana move from being more dismissive of Leela’s instinctive, emotional approach to the world, to understanding where Leela’s coming from and appreciating her instincts and worldview. Leela needs to trust not just Romana, but also herself.
And it is 1. important to explore this! Shoutout to Gallifrey for not brushing aside the emotional repercussions of Andred’s betrayal on Leela’s close relationships in general and her own image of herself! and 2. intersects in super fascinating ways with Romana’s trust issues.
Romana gets a hard time for the “valuable asset” thing, which. Fair. But I think it is important to acknowledge the premise here — the whole vacation, everything Romana is actually doing screams “I care about you very much on a personal level,” and just because she isn’t saying that doesn’t mean she isn’t showing that. Because she has her own baggage when it comes to friendship and trust, and a lot of that does loop back around to “being imprisoned for twenty years and having no one come to save you really messes you up. on so many levels.”
(Also I have to mention the end of The Apocalypse Element because that last scene with the Doctor and Romana really established how I looked at Romana and her close personal relationships moving forward. Because yeahhhh maybe having the one (1) person who is specifically your Friend (and not your colleague, or advisor, or anything related to The Presidency) go “yeah you can clean up this mess right! cool bye!” after you’ve gone through decades of trauma immediately followed by needing to repel an invasion of your planet....maybe that might make you distrust that anyone in the universe is actually going to care about you as a person anymore, and not see you as The President of Gallifrey first and foremost).
Bottom line: Romana really, really likes Leela (.....we all can decide in what way....), but also has a whole lot of doubt that other people could care about her as a person, doubt that it’s even worth letting herself be that emotionally vulnerable with someone else, because what if they throw her trust and care back in her face? And so this whole episode, there’s this undercurrent of wanting to trust each other and wanting to care about each other simmering under the surface for the both of them, but they’re both having trouble really seeing and believing what each other is feeling and I love it. I love this kind of interesting, complicated relationship struggle so much, and I love how Spirit has a positive ending, where they both manage to convey to each other in one way or another that they really do want to be around each other. ( “I was so alone in the world of dreams when you left. The wildlands were dark and so quiet. I do not wish to be alone.” / “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
(Sure, the later episodes of the season fuck everything up again, but we are Not Talking about Insurgency/Imperiatrix here.)
(We are also Not Talking about Intervention Earth/Enemy Lines....okay I’ll talk a little about IE/EL, but only because when relistening to Spirit there’s this sort of elephant in the room with “There will be a place for you with me, for always. Whatever face I wear.” And that elephant is the writers deciding that when Romana regenerated, she would abandon Leela, which...hmmm. To be fair, I have lots of more complex, specific thoughts about what might have happened emotionally and literally in that thankfully jettisoned timeline, but the bottom line is that I was and still am very *side eyes* at that writing choice.)
3. The chair scene
Oh my god. Oh my god. This scene is actually brilliant and delightful on every relisten, I want it framed please??
I think it’s probably iconic because it’s just so happy, and it is so so wonderful to have a moment like that, with the two of them making up a silly story to Hallan about what happened to the window and laughing about it. And it is good! It’s so good! (A side note: Romana in particular in this episode has that “audibly smiling” tone of voice so so much more than usual, in addition to her overall tone having very clearly shifted away from “presidential” for the majority of the episode and y’all.....it’s so excellent to hear, that is such a rare thing.)
Also specifically, it’s the fact that Leela is like ugh this room is too stuffy :( and Romana immediately is like “I must fix this, I need to make her happy” and does something so ridiculous and impulsive just to please Leela.......again, this episode is pulling a Romana Has Too Many Feelings and is acting on her emotional instincts thing......yes.
“You’re a breath of it yourself in the Capital.” “Oh Romana, nice words will not make me stay.” I’m sorry but Romana’s delivery of this line is so flirtatious? (And Leela going ah no, you can’t flirt your way out of this.)
Things that are......not good:
1. The science vs. spirituality dichotomy (and how it makes the characters look)
The whole evolution vs. creation discussion thing not only feels too simplistic for the characters, but it also feels like it’s deliberately painting Leela in a negative light? To have Leela specifically going I don’t believe in evolution when the audience is going to disagree with her and bounce off of that....yeah. It also feels like the whole exaggerated ~super in tune with nature, doesn’t know or believe things about science~ thing is leaning into the racist indigenous stereotypes her character is too often linked to.
And on top of that, it doesn’t feel in character? Classic Who episodes don’t stick in my brain that well so my memory isn’t super clear on the details, but Leela was banished from her tribe for questioning their beliefs. Plus she learned that her society’s social divisions were based on misinformation and forgotten history (having more information was important, it changed things for her world). And she was the one who wanted to leave and travel, and also has always showed a lot of interest in learning new things. To have Leela so deeply clinging to the beliefs she learned when she was young, without any of that questioning or the nuance of weaving in new things she’s learned with the old......it feels reductive. (There could be so much more nuance here re: how living so long away from the Sevateem and having to defend her background so much on Gallifrey has affected her relationship with the culture and beliefs she grew up in, but Spirit has none of that.)
2. The mindswap’s lack of nuance
There’s a similar issue here with the mindswap, where Leela especially comes off as over-simplified. I don’t know if this was an acting choice or a directing choice, but the over-the-topness of Lalla’s performance during the mindswap really feeds that (the way Romana’s voice sounds so different when she’s “acting like Leela”, while Leela still sounds fundamentally like herself when she’s acting more like Romana — why the difference?). Also, Romana is a lot more helpless and distressed when she has part of Leela in her mind, which again, does not make Leela come off as especially competent (even though she is). There are times when this episode feels like it’s trying harder to put Romana and Leela into these boxes than it is at trying to break down those boxes and yeah, all around I wish there was more nuance.
3. The interrupting of the vacation date, damn it, do you think I care about a “plot”?
Alright, alright this one is not in the same category as the other two. It is absolutely not a valid criticism, it is purely the “I want this audio to cater to me, personally” part of my brain getting disappointed every time I relisten when Wynter crashes the vacation. Specifically, when they’re all alone in the woods together having important personal conversations and Leela’s decided that they’re camping out for the night....maybe I just wanted to hear the overnight camping trip, y’know. Maybe I just wanted them to cuddle beneath the stars. (Also this will come back big time next episode, but I very much back away from horror of Wynter’s mutilation, I am a squeamish person and the Wynter thing is not my favorite plot.)
Misc liveblogging things:
“I’m sorry I had to have you dragged here to my quarters. I have requested an audience with you several times on a matter of security but have received no answer.” — It’s unclear exactly how much time has passed between Lies and Spirit, but not too long(?) and Leela’s been trying to track down Andred a lot during this time (which means that once again, Romana’s specifically taking Leela away from looking for Andred....).
Leela scathingly calling Romana “Madam President” oof. (I think this moment may have been what I was thinking of re: Leela only uses Romana’s title when she’s annoyed or angry, will have to note if/when it happens again.)
“It is your world and not mine. Although I have lived here for many years it has never been my home. And I am unhappy.” I know I’ve said this before, but Leela’s concept of home is very much the people she cares about and hhhhh so many feelings about this throughout the series.
Oof Darkel’s got Romana pegged with the “how far will she go” thing.
Is Narvin......being nice re: Romana having a trying time? Or sarcastic? Or is he just like oh thank god she’s off the planet for a hot sec I can take a breath.
Brax saying it was him that recommended Romana leave and insisting they don’t talk about it — he’s sooo covering for her, but also I want to know how that convo went....how exactly did Romana explain the “I’m going to take Leela on a private vacation off-world for.....personal reasons.....please cover for me slash be my emergency contact” thing?
“So I can only conclude from your recent behavior that you’re experiencing a considerable amount of pain.” — I mean, Leela did explicitly say earlier that she was unhappy. Still, it is a really good moment here — Romana saying I see that you’re hurting and I want to help.
.......and that’s right before “valuable asset” line. You were doing so good, Romana. (She does say friend though! I mean, she says it like it’s an ordeal, but she does immediately course correct to admit that Leela’s her friend.) Also....I’m having some kinda thought here about the “asset” line — how she compliments Leela in terms of her usefulness is icky, but I think Romana often judges her own worth based off of how useful she is to Gallifrey? I think there are several moments throughout the series that point to Romana basing her worth as a person off of her work and how successful she is at protecting her world and making it better, which is just an overall unhealthy mindset to be in (and this says something about the toxicity of Gallifreyan culture possibly but also something about the lingering trauma of Etra Prime and living for decades in a place where her life itself (whether she survived) was directly tied to her usefulness...going to mull this over more, but I think there’s something here).
Hallan is so awful about Leela, and he goes on for a bit about how he should be watching the president at all times — aka there is definitely resentment within the Chancellery Guard towards Leela for taking the role of bodyguard to the president. And this is mixed in with nasty comments about Andred, former member of the Chancellery Guard, for marrying an alien.
“A marriage is about maintaining the power of the chapters, strengthening alliances between houses” — it is interesting how more than once in the audios they talk about marriage as primarily a political thing in Time Lord culture (at least among the elite), with love being an exception and something disapproved of.
The “Leela’s been on Gallifrey for twenty-five years” math......does not work. Between The Invasion of Time and the Gallifrey audios, Romana left Gallifrey, ended up traveling with the Doctor for a while, stayed behind in E-space for a while, returned from E-space to Gallifrey, became President, got captured by the Daleks and held prisoner for twenty years, and according to Square One I believe it’s been “years” since The Apocalypse Element.......and apparently only twenty-five years have passed on Gallifrey? Even if we pretend that no time passed on Gallifrey during Romana’s adventures with the Doctor and in E-space, that timeline is still questionable. Leela has to be on Gallifrey for a lot longer than that.
“I’ve searched for [my purpose] in many places.” — It’s interesting that Romana lists off the places she’s tried to find purpose, but doesn’t say anything at all about Gallifrey — Leela is the one to say that Romana has found her purpose on Gallifrey, Romana never actually says that. (I have...lot of feelings about Romana’s very complicated relationship to Gallifrey.)
Romana mentions Pandora predicting that she would rule over Gallifrey, and predicting that Romana would let that happen — Romana is worried about Pandora in particular, and also there’s the implication that she wants Leela to stay to help her hold onto herself and prevent that future.
Just ahhhh the scene by the fire where Leela decides, after avoiding too much discussion about what she’s feeling, to be emotionally honest: “It frightens me to think that I have spent so much of my life with another in a trust that I believed was true and strong, one that could not sicken, and that I was wrong.”; “You are my friend. I know that, for all we disagree on. And yet, if tomorrow you grew sick, you could throw off your form like an old sheet and be a person I would no longer recognize, not with my eyes nor with my heart.” It’s a good scene!!
The whole “who is the broken man?” mystery is good on first listen I suppose, but I’ve never quite bought that they can’t ID him. Can the Time Lords not do a quick DNA test or something? (To be fair, these are the same people who missed that Andred was impersonating someone else for months, but at least here they actively know that they need to be figuring out who he is.)
The herbal remedy — “The outsiders use it when in pain or distress.” Confirmation that Leela does hang out with the outsiders on Gallifrey.
“I’ve been inside these things I don’t know how many times and I assure you nothing could go wrong.” Post-Etra Prime Romana trying to get some sleep for once tbh (also okay she does have some healthy coping mechanisms apparently).
“It speaks to your innermost wishes and wonders and indulges them while you dream” “There is a wild woman inside me” I’m so sorry but did they really not intend to making the sensory tanks and mindswap sound incredibly erotic because
“It is winter here.” *eyebrow waggle*
I do not like hearing stabbing sounds! (Also apparently this season has a thing for Romana kinda sorta killing people with knives.)
Leela wakes up a bit later than Romana (she stays in the dream space longer), and she says she heard Pandora’s voice — Romana dismisses that, but I do wonder what exactly happened in the dreamspace after Romana woke and what additional things Leela might have heard/seen??
Hallan is so shitty, kick his ass Leela.
I do wonder why the subplot with Melyin and Hallan was included? Was it to introduce Hallan as a character and flesh out the side characters so we know them a bit better when they’re around with the Wynter subplot? (Personally, I don’t enjoy how earlier in the episode they keep cutting away from Romana and Leela’s really important and interesting conversation to those two sides characters, so I’m not sure they needed that storyline?) But there is this sort of interesting moment where Melyin talks about freeing herself from this place where she’s isolated and Leela sympathizes — and yet at the same time is choosing to go back to Gallifrey. There is potentially an interesting parallel here, but I’m not exactly sure what the parallel is supposed to be saying about Leela.
“And what about you? Back to Gallifrey and your husband?” “I am returning to Gallifrey, yes. It is not yet time for me to leave.” Leela expertly dodging mentioning Andred in her response or referring to him as her husband. Actually I kinda want to pay more attention to when she does or doesn’t refer to Andred as her husband. I’m pretty sure she calls him her husband after he dies because that is who she’s grieving, but in this episode she talks about wanting to confront him and hurt him or make peace with him, and in A Blind Eye she was all “my husband is dead” (and I think there are some things in Insurgency about this) —there is a question here about whether or not she still considers herself married to Andred at this point.
How did the knowledge of events get out on Gallifrey? Brax says if people were watching his movements closely it wouldn’t be hard to put things together — but also he probably knows that Romana needs to return for Gallifrey for events to play out, so it seems quite possible that he essentially leaked the info himself (knowing that the events of Pandora are coming....oof).
Leela talks about returning to Gallifrey avenge the broken man — in series 2 and 3, she frequently turns to vengeance as something to give her motivation and purpose when she’s unhappy and grieving, but I forgot it came up as early as Spirit ahhh yikes.
The (shippy) elephant in the room:
(Includes vague mentions of Time War 3.)
As a final thing, I do want to mention that while this episode has a reputation of being really gay (because yep it so so subtextually gay)....I do always remember that it is only subtext. Specifically in a “isn’t it interesting that other ships between main characters get clearly teased as romantic possibility, but when it’s the core relationship of the show that just so happens to be between two characters played by women, they would never explicitly hint that there might be anything romantic going on there” way. (For a long time, I tried to convince myself this didn’t bother me. It does.)
Like don’t get me wrong, I adore their friendship and I am very cool with their relationship being entirely platonic in the audios. However, my feelings are also very context-dependent, and the context is an audio drama series in which the only explicitly queer characters are side/minor characters who die horribly (and also only exist in the very recent releases). There are no canon f/f relationships or canonically queer women in the entire series (no, Leela/Veega doesn’t count, they were pretty explicit on that being not canon), in contrast with plenty of canon m/f relationships. This is also why I say that I’d be 100% unbothered if Gallifrey really was equal-opportunity devoid of romance (I really genuinely enjoy the friendship-centric narrative of this series, it’s so good) or even had significant canonically queer side characters, but when there’s such a pointed ignoring of any queer subtext and a general ‘would never ever make any main character canonically queer’ vibe throughout the whole series (I am looking at you Unity) it’s.....hmmm. It just doesn’t feel good, you know?
To end on a lighter (ish) note, going to talk about shippy things for a sec — so I have many headcanon universes that float around in my brain, but generally speaking when I’m writing Romana/Leela fic or thinking about the possibility of their relationship being romantic at some point, I tend to go for things happening between them later in the audios (ideally post-Enemy Lines), with the early series just being endless unresolved tension. But gosh there is a part of me that’s interested in the disaster universe where they do get romantically involved with each other post-Spirit (because as far as the early series go, it does feel like it has to be post-Spirit, when Leela does make the choice to stay with Romana/for Romana on Gallifrey) because oh god that’s so emotionally messy. (It’s only been six months and change since Leela’s husband first disappeared! We’re only two episodes away from Andred’s death! She’s not in a healthy emotional space to be doing this right now, and neither is Romana, frankly! Especially given what’s going to happen in the next several episodes.....but oof wow there’s certainly a story to explore there).
This was not a lighter note, I’m so sorry. Anyways, friendly reminder that I’m always down to go on and on about Romana/Leela, I have....so many feelings about them. Also if you’ve actually read through this entire post, wow and thank you??
Previous Episode Reaction: Lies
#gallifrey audios#romana#leela#(i will be honest i had large chunks of this written even before i relistened)#(what can i say i will take any and all opportunity to ramble on about these two)#also i think this reaction post deserves the#romana x leela#tag#the relisten of rassilon#ramblings#emily listens to big finish
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song lyrics I use to characterize Dick Grayson
This is definitely not everything (& I would love to do more) but it’s also Extremely Freaking Long so. Many thanks to @zitkaplushie for chatting w me abt this! I would love to hear your thoughts/additions/etc. If u disagree w any of these, feel free to debate w me but please be civil!!
— OVERALL:
Drag Me Down by One Direction: okay there are tons of parts that fit but this line is the best: “I've got fire for a heart / I'm not scared of the dark / You've never seen it look so easy”
I think this one is kind of straightforward lol but. The first line kind of tells me that Dick is passionate, and feels more with his heart than his head. The second line is just kind of a tongue in cheek thing like obviously he’s not. And the third one is both Dick’s confidence and also that it’s just TRUE. He makes things look easy, all kinds of things. It’s just a fact.
High Hopes by Panic! at The Disco: ugh this has such good lines but this one: “Mama said / Burn your biographies / Rewrite your history / Light up your wildest dreams / Museum victories, every day / We wanted everything, wanted everything”
So I think “Mama” thru to “dreams” ties back to him becoming Nightwing, or going through different identities and kind of letting himself go with it to an extent. Like he doesn’t let it hold him back. The rest of it, like...that’s just Dick’s superheroing career. “We” in this case could be him and Bruce, him and the Titans, him and Damian, etc etc
Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson: um. the whole song. the whole thing. buuuut one line I’ll analyze will be: “I don't wanna be left behind / Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies / I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react”
“I don't wanna be left behind” - he knows this feeling well already and doesn’t want to relive it
“Distance was a friend of mine / Catching breath in a web of lies” - he has like no civilian friends in canon, and even then he’s always lying to somebody about something. There aren’t many people he can be truly close to and open with, other than like Donna and Roy and Kory
“I've spent most of my life / Riding waves, playing acrobat / Shadowboxing the other half / Learning how to react” - idk, when I see this it makes me think that he’s just lived this life that isn’t exactly normal and he recognizes that
Birds by Imagine Dragons: this one makes me so sad but: “I know that / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, I hope to see you again / Ooh, birds fly in different directions / Ooh, so fly high, so fly high”
So obviously Dick has lost a lot of people important to him over the years, either because they died or DC said XYZ and Dick’s relationship no longer has any rights, but. This is how he would feel about that. Grudging acceptance, hope to see them again, wishing them well.
Dance Monkey by Tones And I: I had to. “I said, oh my god, I see you walking by / Take my hands, my dear, and look me in my eyes / Just like a monkey I've been dancing my whole life / But you just beg to see me dance just one more time”
I’ll mention this later on, but I think that Dick projects an image a lot of the time that isn’t what he’s really feeling. This ties into that - I think at certain points in his life, he just gets exhausted and wants to take a break, but he can’t. He feels like everyone is counting on him, either to do this or that, or keep up this appearance. Sometimes they really are, and sometimes it’s pressure he’s putting onto himself!
Icarus by Bastille: tbh this is a song that I think applies to most if not all of the batfam, but for Dick, this is part of it that I like: “You put up your defenses when you leave / You leave because you're certain / Of who you want to be”
I prefer the version of canon where Dick willingly decides to stop being Robin, but even in the way that he gets kicked out, this tells me that he’s steeling himself for whatever may come, and that he’s sure of his actions.
Stars by Grace Potter: now THIS one is freaking sad. “All those times we looked up at the sky / Looking out so far, it felt like we could fly / And now I'm all alone in the dark of night / And the moon is shining, but I can't see the light.”
Again, he’s lost a lot of ppl!! I usually think of this song as him referring to his parents or Bruce after he “dies”, but it could apply to anyone really. And these lines in specific just make me think that he feels lonely without whoever it is, that he’s not in a good place.
Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd: "Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself / Follow your heart and nothing else / And you can do this, oh baby, if you try / All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied"
Okay so maybe I hc that the Graysons were very much so free spirits who rubbed off a lot on Dick. But with that aside, to me this is Dick being determined to live a happy life, and knowing it’s going to be a struggle at times. “You’ll find yourself” and “if you try” are things that I think Dick keeps close to mind. Like, maybe he doesn’t know everything right now, but he will. He’ll figure it out. And he can get through anything if he just pushes through it.
Weight In Gold by Gallant: “I’m pulling my weight in gold / Call me anxious, call me broke / But I can’t lift this on my own”
I’ve already mentioned this but Dick has a lot of pressure on his shoulders, like all the time. And he’s also someone who reaches out to others, which is what these lyrics are saying. He’s aware when he can’t handle the pressure anymore and can admit it to himself. (I don’t think this fits him ALL the time, I mean it just doesn’t, but. Sometimes.)
Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson: I really fuck with the idea that Dick is, still, an entertainer. that + the pressure he’s under = “Now if I appear to be carefree / It's only to camouflage my sadness / In order to shield my pride I've tried / To cover this hurt with a show of gladness”
The word “camouflage” stands out to me because I think sometimes the way he hides parts of who he is is to protect himself??? Dick can also be a prideful person, who might not want others to know that he’s been hurt by something they’ve done.
The Show Must Go On by Queen: relatedly,,, this whole song fits him perfectly. but to do something not related to smiling: “Show must go on. / I'll face it with a grin. / I'm never giving in— / Oh—with the show. / I'll top the bill, / I'll overkill. / I have to find the will to carry on with the show.”
This ties back to him hiding his real feelings, of course, but also it speaks to how he doesn’t do things by half. This makes me think about being Batman, about how he won’t give in to the pressure, will push through and keep going and uphold his dad’s legacy as best as he can
Pumpin Blood by NONONO: “It's so magical feeling, that no one's got a hold / You're a catalyst to your own happiness you know”
This goes back to my thoughts that Dick has this mindset that if he keeps going, keeps putting in as much effort as he needs to, then he can get what he needs. It’s also kind of those moments where Dick realizes that where he is is good, like being Robin, but it’s not great, and it could be great. When he decides to stop being Robin, it’s like he’s thinking, “I could be happier, and if I want that, I need to do it myself.”
Rocketeer by Far East Movement: this song fits in a lot of spots but. “Here we go, come with me / There's a world out there that we should see / Take my hand, close your eyes / With you right here, I'm a rocketeer”
Overall imo this is a shippy song but this lyric specifically could be Dick and anyone at all -- he’s the kind of guy who reaches out to others, who would enjoy showing people new things. I also think the last bit kind of speaks to how he can feel better and more empowered when he’s not going through things alone
I Want To Break Free by Queen: “But life still goes on / I can't get used to, living without, living without / Living without you by my side / I don't want to live alone, hey / God knows, got to make it on my own / So baby can't you see / I've got to break free”
This goes back to a few things. For one, I feel that when he feels held back or held down, he’s VERY aware of it and doesn’t like it, and wants to have his freedom back. Another one is, considering all the people he’s lost, it’s like...he doesn’t want to live without them but there’s no choice, he has to. And finally, I also think this is to Bruce, like he’s feeling like he could do and be more if he weren’t being restricted by Bruce
Teams & Friends, Ships, Family, & Bruce under the cut!
— TEAMS & FRIENDS:
Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy: there’s a reason why I named my fic after this lol. “When Rome's in ruins / We are the lions / Free of the coliseums / In poisoned places / We are anti-venom / We're the beginning of the end”
I think that Dick really does enjoy superheroing, and that he’s proud of himself and those he works with for being courageous, kind, and helpful to the world. In his more positive moments, this is what I feel like he’d think of his teams and their impacts.
Home by Daughtry: I’ve always thought of this one as a batfam song but tbh I think it works better as a Titans one. “Well I'm going home, / Back to the place where I belong, / And where your love has always been enough for me. / I'm not running from. / No, I think you got me all wrong. / I don't regret this life I chose for me. / But these places and these faces are getting old, / So I'm going home.”
The way I interpret this is like...he DOES love Bruce, he does love the batfam, but ultimately when he thinks about home he thinks of his friends. This is kind of him talking to Bruce, at least in the second half. Another reason why I put it here is that there’s another lyric in the song that says, “I'm going to the place where love / And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.” In the batfam, as zitkaplushie said, love isn’t conditional or anything but it IS exhausting. It takes a toll on them. Love with the titans is just easier.
— SHIPS:
Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae: Dick is bi like this song and this line describes his at-times tumultuous relationships: “It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender / An emotional, sexual bender / Mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better / There's nothing better”
He takes comfort and strength from his relationships and sometimes that’s good, hence the powerful/tender part! But in all his relationships, not just his romantic ones, it’s (sometimes) easy for people to affect him
I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by Celtic Thunder: this fits all of his ships imo: “When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be / I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you / And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream / I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you”
He’s just a sappy boy who is in love. That said, I don’t think these feelings would overtake him!
— FAMILY:
Losing My Religion by R.E.M.: I read this heartbreaking fic recently that dealt with how Dick hid his feelings from EVERYONE and no one noticed anything was wrong, really, except Cass. so. “Every whisper / Of every waking hour / I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you / Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool / Oh no, I've said too much / I set it up”
Dick is more open than his siblings, but he does still hide things, especially from them. The line “I'm choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you” makes me think of Dick trying to take care of his siblings, whichever way he can
This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) by Kishi Bashi: “Home is where I want to be / Pick me up and turn me round / I feel numb - born with a weak heart / I guess I must be having fun / The less we say about it the better / Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing”
“Make it up as we go along / Feet on the ground / Head in the sky / It's OK, I know nothing's wrong... nothing” - this reads happier than it’s sang but I do think it describes the more positive side of the family dynamics!
You’re Not There by Lukas Graham: this one is abt (all of) his parents :( “I only got you in my stories / And you know I tell them right / I remember you and I, when I'm awake at night / So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time”
There are times where the deaths of his parents & Bruce (and Alfred) weigh heavily on him, and that everything he does is kind of continuing on where they left off, or doing something they didn’t have time to do. I think he would tell his kids stories about them and that he would try to be as true to them as he can be. And then of course, “So give it up for fallen glory / I never got to say goodbye / I wish I could ask for just a bit more time” is kind of his relationship with his parents after they die
— BRUCE:
(I gave him a separate section bc I have a lot of feels abt them okay??)
The Ballad of Dick Grayson by Crafty McVillain: there are actually a lot of songs abt Dick Grayson, but I picked this one bc of this: “Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you / I'll take on the world, I will fight for you / But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you”
This is abt when Jason takes on Robin but I like to look at this like:
“Broken hearts improve, but my mind's broken too / Show me how to hurt and I'll hurt them with you” - this is when Dick first comes to the Manor, and when he’s first becoming Robin. He’s struggling and Bruce shows him a way to cope. (is it healthy? lmao)
“I'll take on the world, I will fight for you” - this is just...any time really lol. Dick is loyal to Bruce (to an extent) and will fight alongside him, will do almost anything for him
“But tell me how to stop, cause now I'm fighting you” - then this is how it feels when they’re broken apart for the first time, when they aren’t getting along and it’s just a change from the past few years, and Dick doesn’t know what to do about it
Let You Down by NF: “Feels like we're on the edge right now / I wish that I could say I'm proud / I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down”
“I'm sorry that I let you down / Let you down” - this could be pre-emptive, Dick kind of thinking that no matter what he does, he’s most likely going to let Bruce down
Like how Bruce is always that 8 year old who lost his parents, Dick is always who he was the first night he went out as Robin, desperately wanting Bruce’s approval
He wants the approval and hates that he does, it feels like it holds him down
The Chain by Fleetwood Mac: “Listen to the wind blow / Watch the sun rise / Run in the shadows / Damn your love / Damn your lies”
When I read these lyrics, I think about Bruce and Dick when they’ve been arguing, having a quiet moment (the peace after the storm, zitkaplushie said), kind of reflecting, and Dick just thinks, “I want you to love me but I want you to stop lying to me.” Or like, “your love comes with your lies and I don’t know if I can handle that [right now].”
Numb by Linkin Park: “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there / Become so tired, so much more aware / I'm becoming this, all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you”
There’s this moment in canon, before he even gives up being Robin, where he’s acting just like Batman, hunting down criminals with a single-minded ferocity that has his friends legit concerned for him. I can’t remember exactly what he felt about it when he kind of snapped out it but these lyrics remind me of that. He doesn’t want to be like Bruce, he doesn’t want to be Batman, and especially as a teenager, that last line is big. Overall it also fits when Dick IS Batman, and he feels like he’s kind of being swallowed by everything that it is
The Archer by Taylor Swift: okay I’m sorry I can’t pick between these two: “I've got a hundred thrown out speeches / I almost said to you” and “And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you”
There are a lot of things Dick doesn’t say to Bruce over the years, or things that he wants to say but doesn’t for however long until he can’t hold it in anymore or it’s the right time or whatever. Ultimately that line just tells me that their relationship isn’t one with great communicating
“And all of my heroes / Die all alone” - Bruce ‘dying’. “Help me hold on to you” - Batman when Dick is him. Or it could be about Dick’s parents, and then Dick trying to keep Bruce alive as Robin/Nightwing
#dick grayson#dick grayson meta#meta#dc#batfam#robin i#nightwing#my meta#sorry for all the OC tm today#im feeling manic lmao gotta do something#got sooooooo long#I FORGOT THE TITLE FUCK DKHFJKSH
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The Emperor of Mankind and the Captain General- Parallels as Dads
So in the latest episode (28) there’s some symbolic parallels that are clearly set up and even outright stated between the Emperor and the Captain General, specifically in terms of how they Parent. I figured I’d talk about this a little bit, since it feels like CG and Emps have more to contrast than in common when it comes to fatherhood. Note that I’ll be sticking largely to TTS Emps behavior unless stated otherwise.
The subtext of this parallel is outright text, with Karstodes comparing his behavior towards CG with the Primarchs behavior towards Emps. Except… IMO that’s where the parallels tend to fall flat.
Let’s break down CG’s behavior towards the Custodians:
· He lets them do their own thing most of the time
o Most of the time they’re doing jobs they’re well-equipped for and can handle perfectly well
· He notes their successes and praises them for it
· He takes note of their desires and acts on them (letting Hammurabi come along on the Mars trip in ep 27)
o Plus if Hammurabi had said his lines in ep 27 to Emps, do you really think Emps wouldn’t have teased him about being passive-aggressive? Even if he would’ve let him come, it still would’ve been throwing shame on Hammurabi
· He instructs them well on the situation and/or engages them even outside of the mission (I’m talking about the Dawn of War tutorial gag, as it’s not clear which he’s doing)
· He calls upon their skills even when those skills personally disgust them, if they are valuable (calling Santodes to seduce the Skitarii as using skills Santodes prefers, instead of crushing them as Santodes has the ability to do and CG would probably prefer to see)
Now let’s compare Emps’ behavior towards the Primarchs:
· He lets them do their own thing most of the time
o That said, most of them are in toxic or outright dangerous situations, either being lost in the warp, in environments that encourage their own insanity to fester, or in abusive servitude to mad gods
· He tends to make jokes at their expense even when they do as he intended
· He forces or tricks them into filling the roles he wants (TTS version has this with manipulating Magnus and wanting Dorn to go away until he’s ready to see him, but mainline 40K Emps also did this with Perturabo and Angron)
· His lying to his sons and misleading them is a huge theme in the show, although I will admit we see him cuddling and reading to Dorn (I’m not 100% sure that’s entirely pure and innocent either, but I have no proof and only suspicions so I will keep those to myself unless asked)
· He wants things to happen his way, his methods- even when/if his Sons have their own ways. Again, this is a big part of why he manipulates Magnus, and also
One parallel we can make from this episode alone is that CG treats the Custodians like adults, while Emps treats the Primarchs like children. As Rogal points out, that’s not how age works- just because you are older or have more experience doesn’t mean that those younger than you are inherently lesser than the average. CG acts more like a single dad to a bunch of 20-somethings still in or fresh out of college, while Emps acts like a single dad to a bunch of five-year olds.
What do they have in common? Emps is trying to be CG, but he fails to truly grasp what makes CG the man he is. Look at the traits that the Custodians list as they describe their faith in CG:
· His mild disposition
· His dedication and hard work
· Like a widowed father who’s just doing his best
· His ability to care is unsurpassed
· He’s nice
· He’s steadfast
· Make a U-Turn
· He’s what’s needed in an age of rampant corruption, not a warmaster
Honestly this is just speculation, but I think Emps’ knows is biggest problem as a father in the 30th millennium he WAS a warmaster rather than a father. He’s trying to be a father now, as that’s whats needed, but he doesn’t really know howto be one. And he can’t see or won’t admit that he doesn’t know how to be a father, so he keeps messing up. He treats his children like they’re actual children instead of adults (as said above), and he keeps switching between being a father and being a warmaster (manipulative). Rogal at least has the awareness to not take it personally, but Magnus clearly needs a consistent father-figure from Emps and then keeps getting a warmaster.
Now let’s make comparisons between the source of this simile, Karstodes ‘redemption’ vs Magnus’:
· Karstodes comes to the redemption on his own, simply from watching CG’s actions- he saw something he valued in CG, something worth following, and he was inspired to make the decision on his own
· Meanwhile Magnus had to be literally kidnapped and Emps had to both butter him up and reclaim his soul from Tzeentch in order to convince Magnus to join
We don’t have enough information yet to make more comparisons, as CG and Karstodes haven’t interacted yet after Karstodes decision. It will be interesting to see what issues will remain between them, and how those will compare with Magnus and Emps rocky relationship.
I think it’s notable that the Emperor struggles to interact with the people who are his sons in the biological and literal sense, while the Captain General is referred to as a father-figure by people his own age (or possibly older). The Emperor throws his fatherhood around and demands to be acknowledged as such, while the Captain General didn’t seek fatherhood- but was recognized as a dad all the same. One made himself a father by making his sons, and one was chosen as a father of choice.
Now the most pressing contrasts- Dorn’s behavior versus the Custodians:
· Dorn is frequently pointing out Emps failures, and holds firmly that Emps isn’t a good parent
o Meanwhile the Custodian host literally lays down the positive traits that are why CG was elected to the Captain General post
· Dorn often asks if Emps’ plans are a good idea and is never heeded
o The Custodian host literally tell CG that he’s doing a good job leading them and that he’s exactly what they need
· Dorn indulges in some ‘child-like’ behavior with Emps (cuddling, bedtime story). Notably, these are also some of the only times Emps is fully supportive and does exactly what Dorn wants him to, without complaint or sass
o I get the feeling that Emps is happy to do kiddy-stuff with Dorn because he views Dorn as a child more than as an adult, and Dorn is willing to go through with it both because he’s genuinely open-minded enough to enjoy these activities regardless of age stigma, and because it’s the only time Emps pays attention solely to Dorn (well, as solely as he can given his current state of being) and shows nothing but affection for Dorn
o In which case, the Custodian Host doesn’t NEED to behave in one specific way in order to get CG’s attention and affection
· Dorn didn’t even tell Emps of his guardian post over Emps- remember it wasn’t until season 2 we learned who the ‘Adorable Centurion’ was. We see something similar with Magnus as well, going behind Emps back even when it’s for his own good
o Meanwhile, for all we’ve seen so far, none of the Custodians have ever felt the need to lie to or mislead CG on their own activities. The oily ones may have been cruel, but never misleading. There’s a level of trust, or at least a lack of mistrust, that Emps and the Primarchs sorely lack
· Speaking of, this is a bit off-topic but we know why Custodians trust CG while Primarchs can't trust Emps- because Emps makes false promises and manipulates his kids constantly, even if/when he does act in their best interests, with hidden meanings even when pretending to be honest. He told Magnus to look up Cypher both to get around having to explain the truth to Magnus- something he previously promised to do- and to get him out of his hair for a while
o There’s maybe one time that CG is misleading to anyone under his command- when he tells Boreale (and Diomedes by extention) to go make him a sandwitch. In this case it’s obvious that CG doesn’t actually need food, but he’s getting the two Marines out of the way while he has a fight with Magnus- a fight that was clearly already causing distress to the two Marines. It’s a very simple, straightforward lie, made solely for the benefit of the parties being lied to, with absolutely no other motive or reason behind it
On a more shippy note, CG also kinda treats Boreale and Diomedes like new step-children in the sense that he’d be a decent step-father to have. He bonds with them over video games, brings them along on trips with his ‘biological children’ (ie the Custodian Host) to include them even if they don’t actually have a ‘role.’ Granted he’s not perfect- using them to shame their ‘bio-dad’ when Magnus fucked up. But still- I always kinda thought of their relationship like a step-dad stepping up to fill the role of parent for the pre-teen sons of his boyfriend
Anyways, going back to Emps, I think that in the grand scheme CG’s successes highlight Emps’ failures as a parent. But, I also think that Emps is trying to parent like CG- he just fails at being like CG. He sees that CG gets results, and wants those same results, but doesn’t want to change his own behavior or analyze what it is that CG does that earns him respect and love while Emps is scorned and tolerated. Emps demands the rewards of being a parent, without doing the work to earn those rewards. IDFK yet if Emps will manage to change his own ways and pull through as a parent, but the point stands that Emps fails where CG not only succeeds, but excels.
#tts meta#episode 28#character foils#Slightly off the Rails#if the emperor had a text to speech device#tts
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your akeshu hcs yesterday were *chefs kiss* beautiful. got any more?
hhhhhhh yes so many. and also thank you for asking!!!!! and ty for your patience, i started writing this yesterday when you sent it but i’ve been taking my time with it. i meant for this to be hc’s about both the ship and the characters but then it basically just turned into more shippy hc’s.
(putting this under a cut again bc most are nsfw. a lot of these hcs are related to how i read/write them in shrike, which is rooted largely in the vanilla narrative. i think if you come after me two years after royal once i’ve had time to start crafting narratives set in that game, my takes might change.)
alright, so my reading of akira is that he knows he Would Kill A Man at almost any given moment, so he’s very much aware of needing to be in control at any given moment. akira is first and foremost a creature of iron self-control, and if you think he’s letting himself be free as joker, haha, you would be wrong.
he can’t even be free as joker because he really would kill a man if he had to. i think that akira is incredibly aware of this and careful about his reactions to things as a result. even in the metaverse, he’s really flippant in a controlled way. he looks like he’s letting loose, but he’s really not, not completely. it’s performative. this is why he likes seeing goro go feral so much in royal.
so i say all this to establish the degree of self-control akira has and how very deeply aware he is when interacting of other people of what kind of impact he could have on them, how he could help them or hurt them.
(i think his interactions with mishima in his confidant are a really good example of this, especially when mishima is being incredibly creepy towards women or using his phansite administration privileges to exploit people for money. mishima is so sensitive that if you say anything positive he’ll take it as justification that it’s okay for him to do these things (and these are the choices that actually net you relationship points with him), but also too sensitive for you to actually criticize, and the confidant needs him to wind up in a position of going too far without actually……..going too far, if that makes sense? that’s the only way his positive character development will happen. so akira CAN be mean, but depending on how you interpret/play akira, he’s very much NOT mean, because he’s aware of how the things he says/does could hurt someone even if he’s not all that close to them.)
bringing this back to goro. goro as i read him…..honestly, what he needs most is therapy, but this is japan and he’s written by atlus so he’s probably not going to get it. any romantic or intimate relationship he and akira are going to have is going to be incredibly fraught, especially at first. goro has no self esteem, he’s incredibly sensitive (physically and emotionally), he has an entire spring break flight to miami’s worth of baggage and trauma to unpack. he doesn’t know how to relate to other people or have relationships with them that aren’t exploitative or purely transactional.
and akira gets this. he sees it, he’s aware of it, and he both understands it and doesn’t judge goro for it. he’s also aware of how many of goro’s insecurity hang-ups are about how easily relating to other people is for akira, so obviously in a relationship between the two of them one of the key issues is going to be the fact that akira finds it easy to engage with other people and goro doesn’t, and goro hates feeling like he’s anything less than akira’s equal in any arena.
which is to say that akira is comfortable figuring out how to be in a relationship with another person while it’s happening, but goro has no idea how to figure even that out and gets Tetchy about it, and akira is incredibly patient with that. it’s not just physical fumbling, though there’s definitely that–goro is touch sensitive in the literal sense, in that he’s hypersensitive to feeling anything against his skin–but also just navigating goro’s every single emotional hangnail.
goro has soooooooooo many hangups about sex. the first time they have sex is not planned, despite the fact that goro spends months planning it out in his head and akira spends just as much time idly wondering about it, and it’s not a disaster but it’s definitely not perfect. goro has soooooo many hang ups about sex, from discomfort with literally any sex act to a deeply ingrained anxiety about being seen being vulnerable. their first time is just goro giving akira a handjob, but it’s a milestone considering goro’s entire everything mess.
they’re not particularly kinky. akira’s down for just about anything, but it takes a long time for goro to be comfortable with anal, and he doesn’t like being restrained.
but if you take them like, ten years from the whenever time they enter a relationship?
lmfao akira is a service top who thinks goro looks hot when he’s pissed off and he’s very comfortable letting goro take the lead and having them do whatever but sometimes when he sees goro smirk a certain way or sound even mildly pissy or experienes one of the uncommon moments when goro is as tender as akira is, it turns into one of those moments where he goes full joker and lets himself be mildly less restrained. by which i mean he really needs to pin goro down and fuck him so hard he begs for it.
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