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miss-ali-lawliet · 3 years

Note

Heyy!! I was wondering if you could do a L x reader where the reader gets killed by Kira because they were involved with L. If you aren’t confortable writing this it’s ok! Thank you~

Hello Anon and thank you for the request!! I'm comfortable with it and even though I'd rather see L being happy, I am a sucker for angst. So hopefully I do this justice!

Also note I have rewritten this way too many times to count 😭 I really tried my best, but I'm so sorry this took so long! Also there was technically two requests asking for the same sort of thing. I’ll get to the next headcanons as soon as I can, but hope whoever is reading this had a great day/night wherever you are!

CW: Death, angst, fluff, kind of long

It was yet another normal day for the genius detective who called himself L. He had spent a majority of the day working with the task force members on the Kira case, mainly in monitoring the cameras inside the task force headquarters as well. It wasn't just the task force and Watari he was working with though, he also had the person he called his partner, in both work and romantically.

Being in a relationship was obviously nothing he sought out or even bothered thinking about as he grew up, mainly finding himself way too focused with his work. He never thought of himself as someone to ever be with someone romantically and it was something he didn't feel sad about, he just didn't see the point in such a matter and didn't have the time for it. Yet that all changed when you entered his life.

You were something he never expected. You came in and even though he may have tried to ignore you or treat you as he would with any person he would meet, you were different. You had met him years before the Kira case and made it clear that you simply wished to be by his side no matter what. Something he never understood, but never doubted as you had proven to him time and time again how loyal you were and that no matter the challenge, you would conquer them together.

So he has asked you to work with him behind the scenes and you accepted. It seemed to have worked out very well too, as you had remained at his side unknown to the rest of the world just how he planned. It seemed like no case could do anything to knock either of you down, and L had even asked for you to move in with him. It was great, and it felt like you two could handle anything together.

Then Kira came to be.

L didn't want you to get involved at first, but once again your stubborn nature would prevail.

"If you have to risk your life by going to Japan, I will do the same. I will not stand by and let you do this alone!"

It was one of the things you said, and it was the main thing that stood out to him and at that point he knew you wouldn't back down. So he agreed, letting you join him and Watari in going to Japan to help with the Kira case.

L snapped out of any thoughts he had when his lover moved up from where they laid, getting into a sitting position and resting their head against his arm gently.

"Is something the matter?" He found himself asking, raising a brow as he glanced over at them.

"Of course not, me wanting to be close to you isn't a bad thing" they would chuckle, moving a bit closer to the detective as he couldn't really argue with that.

"I can tell there's a lot on your mind though, and I wish I could do more than just let you get lost in your work." His partner would frown as their gaze looked up at him a bit more.

L would stare at them for a couple moments, it wasn't surprising that they'd take notice of his behavior after all. If it wasn't Watari catching on to how he might be feeling, it was his darling instead.

"Well I'd rather get as much done with the Kira Case as possible… but if you had to decide on what I should do instead, what would it be?" He'd respond in his usual calm manner, wondering to see how they'd respond and it seems they knew right away.

"Easy, I'd want you to take a break."

"You know that could be a bad ide-" he would start but you quickly cut him off.

"It's never a bad idea to take some time to take care of yourself and recharge, so when you go back to working you'll feel even better." They must have been thinking of this for a while with how fast they knew how to react to his statements.

"I appreciate the thought Y/N, but-" He would begin, but they'd simply shake their head as they turned so they were sitting on their knees facing them.

"I've already discussed this with Watari, and even he agreed a small break could be beneficial for you and the case. It won't be long, maybe a day at least or something.. like tomorrow for example."

Of course Watari would go on their side, what a traitor, but honestly a small break didn't sound too awful.

"Hm.. what would I even do on this break?" Inquired the messy haired man.

"I was thinking that me and you could just spend some time together and do whatever we want that doesn't deal with the case…" his partner would begin to say, looking up at him with an almost longing sort of way. "It's been awhile since we've been able to do that sort of thing."

"... That is true." L paused for a few moments, his work centered mind battling the other half that wanted to spend as much time as possible with the person he loved. "I have missed spending more time with you like that.."

Y/N would give him a soft smile as they scooted closer, moving his laptop slightly off to the side of his knees as they tested their hand on top of them instead.

"So is that a yes to the break for tomorrow?" They'd ask, leaning up a bit towards L who at this point had moved the laptop off of his lap completely and to the side of the bed so he could have his focus on them.

"Mhm, it seems you know what's best for me after all" he'd say with a soft chuckle as his lips curled up into a soft smile.

His lover's eyes would light up as their smile widened as they moved closer, putting L's knees down so they weren't too close to his chest.

"I'd like to say so at least" they'd say in a playful and low tone as they moved as close as they could without being on his lap.

Their face soon being inches away from his own to the point they felt each other's breaths mingle together. Soon enough the space between them disappeared as they couldn't hold back and kissed the dark haired detective. It was soft and warm before they found themselves deepening it, as if showing how much they both longed to just be together. L would bring a hand up to cup their cheek gently as they kissed for what he wished could last longer, but they pulled away after a couple of moments.

His partner's gaze remained on his face, chuckling softly as they leaned in and hugged him tightly. L would accept it as they ended up on his lap so he could hold them better. He rested a hand on their back as his other ran through their hair gently.

"I can't wait for tomorrow" they'd say in an excited whisper, causing him to chuckle.

"I can't wait either, I can already tell it's going to be more than worth it." L would say in an almost purr as he rested his eyes, them both snuggling together more, enjoying the closeness and warmth.

"I love you." His partner would say softly, their chin resting on him and their voice sounding as if they were getting ready to drift away into a nice sleep in his arms.

"I... you too..." He would reply a little hesitantly as he rubbed their back gently, listening to their heartbeat and steady breathing as their grip remained around him. The word love was something he had trouble with saying, as it was something he wasn't sure if he fully understood, but even if he couldn't say the word just yet, Y/N understood and seemed content nonetheless.

They would continue to enjoy their silence together, it was peaceful and just felt perfect. A great way to end a day and get ready for the day they looked forward to together. L wasn't someone who looked forward to the days to come too much as he had his focus on work to the point where he'd lose track of time, but when it came to Y/N, he felt like he could truly experience normalcy for once. He had so much to look forward to, even if he wasn't really sure what that was yet. It felt like a fairytale he read once, where even through the rough times the two love interests would get through it together to have their happy ending.

Unfortunately, this wasn't a fairytale.

After what must have been around 5-10 minutes, when L had found himself beginning to drift off himself something changed. Something he could have predicted, but with the circumstances this was something he hoped would just never happen throughout the case, something he had tried to prevent with all of his safety precautions. It seemed as if he hadn't done enough though.

The grip from his partner's would suddenly tighten as their heart rate would increase and their breathing hitched, making them let out a gasp. L jumped a little at their actions, his eyes shooting open as he turned his gaze towards them.

"Y/N?? What's wrong?" He'd ask immediately, looking at them as their grip on them began to loosen more and more as their head slumped down as if they were on the verge of falling asleep still.

L didn't know why at first but he felt dread creep up on him as his heartbeat began to race. Then he remembered people like Lind L Tailor who had a similar reaction, right before he.. no. No. His mind felt like it was beginning to buzz as he kept denying that possibility, repeating his partner's name as he raised their head to look at him.

Their gaze wasn't anything like earlier. The light and all the warmth they had, how L could tell how they felt with a simple look, was gone. It seemed almost glazed over, distant, and any form of light was gone and dull as they stared up at him.

Many questions went through the man's mind, how did Kira find out about them? How did they find out their name?? Did he know their connection to him?? What went wrong??? Yet his thoughts were torn from the questions as his dearest would groan softly in pain. They still could react which meant this wasn't some ordinary heart attack like Kira's last victims, perhaps there was a way to save them.

"Y/N?? I know you can hear me, please say something-" L would begin but he knew that if Kira had gotten to them that his time was limited and that he had to act fast. He moved over to his phone, pressing a button that would contact Watari or any of the task force members.

"Watari!" L began, his usual calm tone beginning to show some sort of panic as he spoke into the device, demanding that the older man or any of the members get in her to help. He didn't have much time to say a lot, just saying that you were hurt as needed medical attention as soon as possible. He didn't want to even bring up the name of the bastard that he knew was behind it, simply because a part of him didn't want to believe it even though it was obvious.

After talking into the device he turned his full attention back onto the person that meant most to him who laid in his arms, their struggled breathing quickly becoming steady but more faint as the minutes passed. They stared up towards him with their lost gaze.

"Hold on, Y/N, help is coming.. Just hold on, It'll be okay." L began as he took their hand as all they could do was simply stare at him.

As they stared and seemed to be struggling against what was happening, their breathing was becoming more faint as tears began to form at their eyes. It seemed that they were unable to speak, every time they opened their mouth to speak, a look of pain washed over them.

"Keep holding on, it'll be okay Y/N.. just keep holding on for me." He tried his best to keep his voice calm, yet as he looked down at them he felt his voice beginning to shake as if he was going to break.

The fact they haven't died yet felt cruel to the man who held his lover, as if Kira was doing this on purpose somehow. As if they didn't deserve the mercy of having a quick and painless death in comparison to last criminals. This was a way for Kira to get back at L directly, and it was working unfortunately.

L frowned, wiping their tears with one hand quickly before he checked their pulse. It was slowing down. No.. no, this can't be happening. This had to be some sort of cruel nightmare, something that wasn't unusual for him, but he knew that wasn't the case here. Watari soon arrived in the room with Soichiro and the other members, who looked like they wanted to help yet as Watari went over to L and Y/N, they had a feeling that there wasn't much they could do anyways.

As the pulse began to slow down and their breathing began to sound more forced as they struggled to speak and breathe normally, but under the influence of Kira it was impossible. There wasn't much time left, Watari knew this and so did L. They all knew that the fate of Y/N was in the hands of Kira and he had chosen to make their last moments something for the others involved to remember, as if it was a warning.

L watched their expression as Watari tried to do what he could to keep her awake, which wasn't a whole lot unfortunately. His hand was still on their pulse as it slowed down even more. L couldn't stand this. He kept speaking to Y/N, no.. at this point it was more of a plea. Begging for them to keep going, yet as he saw how much they were suffering he wondered if it would be better if Kira could just end their suffering once and for all, which hurt him to even think about in the first place as he still was in denial about the situation.

It couldn't end like this. He had promised to keep them safe, but he had failed them. Yet they had a peaceful look on their face as they smiled, as if they had accepted it. They began to open their mouth again, and even though they couldn't actually speak it was easy for L to see what they were mouthing. It was them saying that they loved him, and the more he thought about it, it seemed as if this was what they were trying to say this whole time.

"I.. I love you too…" He found himself finally saying. The phrase he struggled saying fully and the one time he can actually say it was when they were being taken away from him. What type of cruel joke was this?

His lover's eyes began to close, the smile on their face beginning to slowly fade. He held them close, fighting back any sort of emotion as he could hear their heart beginning to beat slower and slower.. until it finally stopped completely.

"She's gone." Was all Watari said softly, mainly to the other members who had remained silent.

The shock of the situation had made it hard for any of them to react, not sure what to say or do, especially when it came to L who went dead silent. It was as if they were all trying to figure out what to do next, but no one seemed to know the answer at that moment.

What happened afterwards was a blur for L as he held them close, all he remembered was Watari announcing it in the room and the rest of the world around him became fuzzy. The person who was teaching him how to love and loved him full heartedly, the one person who he had let in to see a side of L that no one else dared to bother with, was now gone. Kira had taken them away from him.

He didn't know how it happened, yet he knew it had to be his fault. If he had been more careful, they would have most likely been fast asleep together to prepare for their break the next day. His chest ached as if he himself was having a heart attack of some sort, and a part of him would have preferred that then the pain that seemed to consume him. He kept his face down and buried into his partner's shoulder for who knows how long in the silent room.

He wasn't sure what to do or say as the loss began to wash over the room. Matsuda looked as if he wanted to go over and comfort him, but even he knew that wasn't the best course of action. So the task force members kept their space, just remaining silent as Watari sat close. After a few moments the older man had waved towards the door, meaning it would be best for them to leave. So they did, leaving L alone with Watari. Soichiro would get in contact with someone to handle Y/N, but they'd all be respectful as L took this time to process everything.

Watari rested a gentle hand on his shoulder, something L didn't react to at first before he looked up and glanced at Watari, tears had managed to fill his eyes. A sight that wasn't common to say the least. He looked at Watari, as if asking his caretaker what to do next but he gained no answer. Instead Watari just sat beside him with his hand on him gently, a small gesture yet it was something the detective needed.

~~~

About an hour later, Y/N was taken away and L was left staring blankly out a window. The atmosphere was heavy as the task members haven't said too much to L yet, and when they did it was them apologizing for the loss and trying to show that they cared and were there for him. L didn't respond though, avoiding their gazes almost completely and stayed to himself for the most part. As he stood by himself by the window, Matsuda would find himself walking over finally.

"Ryuzaki…" he'd begin, making his presence known and to see if there was a response but not surprisingly there wasn't.

"Is there anything we can do tonight?" He asked, frowning as he looked at his feet a little for a few seconds. "Whether it's something for the case or to help you feel better-"

"No." L had finally spoken, cutting off the other male who looked up a bit in surprise.

"Huh? What do you mean no?"

"There's nothing we can do at the moment for the case, and there's only one thing that could make me feel better about this situation."

"What is that?" Matsuda asked, yet even he had a feeling what the answer could be. So it didn't surprise him hearing it.

"Simple. Catching Kira."

#ali writing #ali writes #death note #l lawliet imagine #l lawliet x reader #l lawliet #death note x reader #character death #request #death note L #death note imagines #death note writing #dn #dn writing #dn fluff #L x reader

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missskzbiased · 3 years

Text

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (21)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC

WC: ~ 9,2K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness

Tag List: here

Notes: SO! I hope you guys like it. I’m sorry for the delay. Next one will probably take some time as well. I’m an anarchist now, and updates will come out as I finish the chapters or once a week, no schedules.

PLEASE! Tell me if there is anything you would like to read regarding cute/suggestive scenes so I can include them <3

////

You closed the door behind you with a heavy sigh.

It had been just a few hours ─ if you could call about eight hours just a few ─ but it felt like time enough to last for a week; the exhaustion from a day too long crushing you mercilessly. You hesitated for a second, staring at the woody surface as you held the doorknob, before letting out another sigh while dropping your shoulders. The soft thud that filled your ears as you rested your forehead on the door was somewhat comforting, emphasizing the silence that met you in the living room.

Fucking finally.

Perhaps you were just too overwhelmed by all the things that happened along the day but as you wandered your eyes to the floor ─ meeting the familiar surface under your feet ─ there was an impossibly tight feeling in your chest that urged to be released. The realization that you were indeed at home crawled you little by little, getting to your mind and making you tear up. You never thought that day would come to an end but then you were right there in your living room, enjoying the comforting silence of your home.

You inhaled deeply, feeling every single corner of your lungs being filled by the air and holding it in as you closed your eyes to focus on everything that you shut away inside your head. The flickering thought that crossed your mind ─ two dark orbs that dived into your soul; a hurt twinkle dancing in them ─ made your breath falter for a second. The urge to cry hit you like a truck, and as soon as you choked on your own emotions and memories, the moment died in your throat.

You couldn’t let Paris see you crying for him.

You opened your eyes slowly, frowning as you focused on the complete lack of any sounds in the dorm. Why was it so silent in here? You detached your forehead from the door, turning around with narrowed eyes that roamed around the place just to find it empty. What was going on? You finally placed your eyes on the TV ─ turned off, therefore explaining the lack of the background noises ─, confused as to why Paris wasn’t watching it as usual.

“Paris?” You called unsurely, stepping away from the door to get a better look inside the house, “Paris?” You tried again, knocking on her door before opening it and peeking inside her room. No one to be seen. You frowned as you closed the door, divided between feeling relieved or worried about her absence.

Did she mention anything to you?

You roamed your eyes around the room again, looking for any piece of paper that could vaguely resemble a note but finding nothing in sight. There was something definitely wrong here. It wasn’t like Paris to go out so late at night… Especially without a previous warning. Did something happen to her? You pursed your lips, fumbling through your pockets to find your phone ─ hopeful of any kind of message or missed calls ─ and setting your sadness and tiredness aside for a moment.

No message or missed calls.

As much as you wanted to be alone ─ finally allowed to mourn over your poorly made decisions ─, you didn’t want to be crying while Paris could be out there in need of a friend. At the same time, the realization that it was yet another thing to deal with at the end of this excruciating day didn’t help much. The way your eyes turned watery again brought another heavy sigh out of your lips as you rubbed your face in distress, trying to organize your thoughts.

You pinched your nose bridge ─ index and thumb holding it firmly ─ before you let your fingers slide to make some pressure on your eyes. The motion ─ the closest thing that you would have from a calming massage ─ was barely able to ease your nerves, relieving the pent-up stress in an unsatisfying way that would have to be enough for now. You felt your eyebrows knitting as you tried to hold back your tears; lips quivering and chin trembling.

You had to organize your thoughts… You should be thinking… You should be doing something… You should make a decision… Why weren’t you calling her? Why were your feet stuck on the floor? Why weren’t you running or yelling or crying or –

The creaking sound snapped you out of your thoughts and your eyes glued to the entrance as the opening door revealed a smiling Paris carrying some plastic bags. You let go of your phone to stare at her blankly; arms dropping to your sides as she closed the door behind her. The way she walked to the counter ─ placing the bags there without much thought ─ was an incredible indicator that she was fine as hell and you were worrying over nothing.

Honestly? You didn’t even have the energy to be mad at her.

“You’re here” There was something under her tone that raised your suspicion immediately. The sentence hung in somewhere between excitement and acknowledgment, and you couldn’t help but frown at her input “I bought us some stuff” She shifted to a somewhat knowing tone, looking at you with glinting eyes as she gestured to the bags.

Usually, you would ask what was going on with her. Or at least you would study each motion and pattern she had ever presented to you so you could figure it out. But not today. No… Not today. Today you just wanted to go to your bed, tuck yourself inside your blankets and bawl your eyes out for rejecting Hyunjin.

You wanted to suffer for something you put yourself into and were now regretting. You wanted to be alone, and safe, and able to ignore anything that could add to your already stressful day. You wanted to ignore Paris and any strange antics she was displaying right now for whatever reason she had.

You wanted to feel at home.

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m here” You agreed mindlessly, averting your eyes to your door and nodding your head at it “And now I’m going there,” You said, forcing a small smile as you took the first step to your safety nest. You didn’t miss the way her expression dropped ─ a mix of shock, confusion, and upsetness going through her face ─ but you choose to ignore it as you took another step towards your goal.

“Wait” She blurted; eyes darkening as she looked at you “Don’t you want to tell me about your day?” She sounded conflicted ─ maybe even offended ─ as she crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to the side “I thought… I thought that since I missed classes yesterday and we didn’t have much time to talk…” She mumbled unsurely, frowning before averting her eyes “And today…” She trailed off, darting her eyes back to you.

Today?

There was just so much one could ignore and pretend not to notice at all… As much as you wanted to believe it was all a coincidence, you didn’t really think that Paris would show up with your favorite ice cream and wanting to talk about your day ─ especially today ─ if she didn’t know anything. You stopped in your tracks, sighing before turning around to look at her with narrowed eyes.

“What about it?” You asked just to throw her off, watching as she licked her lips before biting them ─ a quirk that showed up every time she was anxious ─ and swallowing dry “Do you have anything to say to me?” It was clear by your tone that you had picked up on something, and the way she darted her eyes around the room to avoid yours was a good indication that she knew it too.

Paris and Chan were working together.

You should have seen it earlier ─ actually, it had been happening quite a lot to you lately, hm? ─ but you had no doubts now. Of course, it could be just another gossip going around… Maybe someone had seen both of you? No… Paris wouldn’t just believe in a rumor like this… Not to the point of showing up with your favorite ice cream and asking about your day… Not to the point to get that disappointed.

On the other side, there was someone who Paris would believe on the spot… Someone that knew far too well why you were waiting for Hyunjin. Someone who knew your feelings and his. Someone who was encouraging you to go after him. Someone who tried to trick him and make him jealous just so he would do something about it. Someone who made sure to clear his real intentions up before walking away… Someone who had been suspiciously close to Paris lately.

There was no way they weren’t working together.

“No… It’s not that I have something to say but…” You watched as she uncrossed her arms, letting them drop to her sides, “I mean… It’s just that I thought… I guessed you would…” She floundered before clearing her throat; the nervous antics confirming your assumptions “… Want some ice cream after a long day?” She risked, forcing a smile that looked more like a grimace than anything else.

“Unbelievable” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Fine!” She whined, pouting as she stomped the floor “Chan told me you and Hyunjin had a talk today, okay?” She confessed bitterly as you threw her a disappointed look “I’m sorry but I am waiting for that ship to sail for too long to not be curious!” She said as if it was a good way to defend herself “Can you blame me for wanting to hear that you finally got someone who loves you?” She tried to appeal, getting another scoff.

“Yes, I can” You said matter-of-factly, huffing before looking away from her for a second “It’s my personal life, Paris! You shouldn’t be meddling with it!” You scolded, returning your gaze to meet hers “Now what? You and Chan will be like two old ladies gossiping about my life behind my back?” You sneered, huffing “My love life is none of your business” You reminded her, tone wavering slightly with the anger boiling inside you.

You weren’t quite sure what made you react the way you did.

It was like your mind had split up into two different trains of thoughts that were totally opposing each other. On one side, you felt the need to be focused and rational, so you pursed your lips and tried to stay composed, pretending to be calm on the outside. On the other side, the sadness was giving way to anger and it boiled and burned you in the unhealthiest way possible.

You wanted to scream and cry and fight and be mad and… Anything.

You wanted anything that could put all your fears away.

Maybe that was why you were being such an asshole.

“Hey” Paris blurted in surprise; brows arching as she stared at you without a clue of what was happening “What the hell?” She didn’t sound offended as she said it but lost, frowning at you while tilting her head “You don’t seem too happy… Didn’t he… I mean… I thought you would be really happy right now” She admitted, trying to play dumb and not give away his feelings.

“Yes, he did” You answered blandly; a faux calm settling in your face as you stared at her blankly “He confessed; if that’s what you’re wondering” Of course, you knew far too well that this was exactly what she wanted to know. You knew that your next line would get you into an argument but somehow you didn’t care; you even urged for it “I rejected him” You stated simply, watching for her reaction.

The expectation raised on you as Paris seemed shocked by your input; eyes lost in yours as she didn’t have a clue of what to do now. You studied the lack of expression on her face, catching the slight change when a hundred thoughts seemed to cross her head at a time. You pursed your lips as her brows slowly knitted together ─ as if each second that went by made her realize what you had just said ─ until she finally frowned at you, mad eyes connecting to yours.

“You did what?!” Her tone was heavy and stern, a reprehension that fueled you as she scrunched her nose to show you how she despised your decision “Y/N!” That was it! That was the anger you were looking for “Why would you do that?! You like him!” She inquired in dismay; eyes diving into yours to find any signs that could explain your behavior.

“What does it have to do with anything?” You knew you were being obnoxious and Paris swallowed it hook, line and sinker. The way her eyes glinted in disappointment and outrage fueled you to keep pushing her boundaries “I don’t get why you’re so interested… It’s not like you want him anyway” She scoffed, averting her eyes to try and not take her anger out on you.

“You know what?” She sighed, still refusing to look at you “I don’t get you” She shook her head in wonder; the grimace present in her face insinuating how pissed off she was “I don’t get what is going on inside your head… I really don’t” She admitted, returning her gaze to you “You’re being ridiculous and I know you know it” She added “I just don’t understand why” She stared at you, disgusted at your antics.

“Maybe you should ask Chan” You taunted, getting a scoff as she rolled her eyes, tilting her head to look at the ceiling in a fed-up manner. You watched her curiously, waiting for her to blow up but she didn’t. Paris returned her gaze to you once more and threw you a look that almost made you ashamed of yourself.

Almost.

Because that was exactly what you wanted.

You longed for her outburst.

“I’m not going to play this game” She smirked knowingly; surprising you as she seemed to pick up on your plans “If you want to fight, you need to do way better than that” She grimaced, shaking her head to show that she wouldn't give what you wanted “If you have all this energy to keep bullshiting me then go to Hyunjin and sort things out, Y/N” She sighed, scowling “What do you expect me to do? Yell at you?” She scoffed, arching her brows skeptically.

“Yes…” You didn’t intend to answer her so honestly but before you knew it, the word hung in the air heavily, making you shrink. You lowered your head, peeking at her reaction just to see her expression morphing into a surprised one, clearly not expecting you to actually answer her “I mean… No, of course not” You lied, voice so low that you couldn’t even convince yourself.

“I don’t understand” She admitted simply, tilting her head in wonder. You noticed how she started moving away from the counter ─ careful as a hunter afraid that their prey might run away ─ and came in your direction with hesitant steps “Why would you want me to yell at you?” She asked with caution, glancing at you unsurely.

“Because I deserve it…” You muttered under your breath, prompting her to hum in confusion, questioning you again without any words “Because I deserve it!” You finally snapped; head going up to allow you to meet her eyes. She yelped ─ startled at your break out ─, looking at you with wide confused eyes that couldn’t grasp what was going on “Because I’m a coward, Paris!” You added; voice shaking as you let the tears roll down your face and eyes overflowing with hurt and regret.

“Y/N…” She mumbled; pity oozing from her eyes.

“Don’t Y/N me!” You cut her off “Yell at me, Paris! For Lord’s sake! Yell at me! Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me I’m awful! Anything!” You wailed, hand going to rub your face and wipe away some of the tears “Anything! Just tell me that I’m a coward! Tell me that I do nothing but run away! Tell me…” You hicked up, choking on your own tears as you let yourself slowly go to the ground.

You curled up as you sat, rocking your body back and forward.

“Tell me I don’t deserve him… Tell me I blew everything up…” You begged, raising your eyes to meet hers. You could feel your face twisting in a pained grimace that threw her off for a second “Tell me I’m a coward, Paris… Please, tell me I’m a coward…” You couldn’t help but curl up again, hands pressing hard against your eyes as you let all your feelings out of your chest; the crying loud and ungraceful.

She stared at you silently; gaze burning your skin.

“Why don’t you yell at me?” You mewled; swollen eyes going back to meet hers in a suffering question that you knew she wouldn’t answer “Why can’t you do this, Paris? I’ve been bad… I did everything wrong again… I messed everything up and I can’t stop doing it!” She kept her silent stare at you, and the lack of response prompted you to keep rambling “I run and run and run and run… And I keep coming back to the same mistakes again, Paris” You vented; hand going to rub your running nose and wet cheeks.

Again, she just stared at you.

“Say something!” You yelled, eyebrows knitting together in renewed anger “Anything, Paris! Hit me if you want! I don’t know… Just…” You tried to fight back the quivering in your lips, tangling yourself with your own arms before lowering your head again “Just hurt me…” You pleaded, shutting your eyes as much as you could “Gimme a reason to cry, Paris…” You choked on your own words, hiding your face from her as you burst out in tears once more “I don’t wanna cry for him” You mumbled, voice muffled.

The steps echoed in the room along with your crying but you didn’t raise your head to follow her path, shrinking when you felt two arms wrapping you. The warmth provided was very welcomed, and you leaned on her touch; the unexpected tenderness being enough for you to pour everything out of your chest. You felt Paris kissing the top of your head, no words being said as she silently supported you through your breakdown.

“I’m so sorry” You howled but what you really meant was thank you.

////

You stared at the dancing branches above you.

The light beams that managed to get through the heavy layer of leaves decorating said branches painted the air with thin yellowish strings that caught your attention. You let your mind wander as your eyes followed every single notch that came together into a messy crease pattern, getting distracted by the falling leaves that blocked the beams every once in a while. The moment meant to be calming and reassuring to your soul but you couldn’t help but feel melancholic as the grass underneath you tickled your skin, reminding you of brighter days.

It was kind of funny how the blue sky peeking at you behind the treetop, the insufferably shiny sun casting beams all around, and the perfectly shaped clouds couldn’t brighten up your mood. As much as you could tell that this was a beautiful day ─ maybe the most beautiful day of the whole season ─, you couldn’t feel healed by any of this. You could see it was all dazzling and colorful and perfect… Yet, you felt exactly the same as if it was a cloudy rainy day with nothing but grey to take in.

The wind fanned all over the place; a soft puff that intensified the branches’ dance and disturbed the sunbeams’ path, allowing it to hit right at your face. The forced warmth wasn’t enjoyable and the sudden brightness that hit your eyes was even less welcomed, prompting you to close them shut. The motion was harmless and it wouldn’t bring you any suffering on any other day but something about it brought you everything you were trying to push aside right now.

Perhaps it was the fact that you cried so much on the day before that your swollen eyes felt too heavy ─ even if you had plenty of time to get used to it by noon ─ and closing them just reminded you of your own feelings. Perhaps it was the fact that closing your eyes brought you the urge to cry again ─ even if you had already cried enough for an entire lifespan ─, reminding you of the sadness you pretended not to feel right now. Perhaps it was the fact that the blackness and emptiness behind your eyelids served as a screen to project all of the details ─ his eyes, his mole, his nose, his smile, his dimples, his tears… Just all of him ─ that you didn’t want to remember.

You exhaled heavily.

Perhaps it was because you were a fucking masochist that decided to lie down under the very same tree that witnessed everything… From your laughter ─ such as when you caught him pretending to read a book ─ to your bonding ─ such as when he cried while venting about his insecurities ─ to your confession ─ such as when he kissed you as if you were the only thing that mattered in his world ─ to your departure… Such as when you walked away from him, leaving all your true feelings unspoken.

Yeah, perhaps it was because you were a masochist.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You snapped your eyes open, startled at the sudden intrusion as Chan’s voice made its way to your head “Do you mind explaining to me why the fuck are you lying down under this damn tree instead of making out with the bloody guy I had to trick to confess his own feelings to you?!” You sighed; eyes softening into a vulnerable gaze as you shifted to sit down and look at him “Because I sure as hell don’t have a fucking clue!” He groaned, clasping his hands together as he met your gaze in a demanding and inquiring glare.

“I don’t know what you want me to say” You confessed, exhaling heavily as you crossed your legs, resting your arms on your lap as you lifted your chin to fully return his gaze. He scoffed ─ closing his hands on a fist as he bit his lips to hold back a comment that would have probably hurt you ─ before throwing his head back to huff at the sky. Chan returned his eyes to you with nothing but outrage, grimacing before pinching his nose bridge tiredly, trying to stay composed.

The façade didn’t last even for a second.

“Say that you fucking love him!” He snapped, floundering his hands in the air to try and calm down “Wasn’t that what you wanted to say to him?” He asked in distress, eyes urging for your answer “Isn’t this how you feel?” He insisted, offering you a lost and yet frustrated look that prompted you to sigh “Just go and kiss him! I don’t know!” He pressed his temples, closing his eyes as he exhaled heavily to try and organize his thoughts.

You stared at him blankly, studying his upset features for a few seconds before you lowered your head, focusing your gaze on your lap. Contrary to what you would have expected, the sudden outburst didn’t startle you. If nothing else, his scolding felt like a warm comforting hug and a pat on the back. It was just what you needed. The way he yelled those words at you ─ demanding to know why you had chickened out like that ─ was just like hearing everything going on inside your head out loud.

There was something about hearing it from him and not from yourself ─ from actually hearing it and not just torturing yourself with those thoughts ─ that fulfilled your needs. It felt real. It was like all those words and feelings weren’t just inside your head anymore. You weren’t the one mourning and reliving everything. You weren’t the only one who despised your actions; plus, you could see it plastered over his face in a way that was impossible to ignore.

And you didn’t want to.

As you looked at him, you felt the urge to take care of Chan… To calm him down… To soothe him. This feeling ─ the kindness that finally ran through your veins instead of the hatred and contempt ─ was strong enough to distract you from your mind. Maybe that was what you really needed. Although you could reach out for Chan─ place your hand on his ankle and squeeze it reassuringly ─, you couldn’t do the same for yourself.

You didn’t deserve it.

The disappointment you held for your actions was too much to allow you to be this kind to someone so unworthy of it as you. The way you saw it, there were just two possible ways to deal with it. You either cried everything out ─ and you didn’t think you had the right to do it ─ or you relived it over and over again ─ punishing yourself for being like this.

There was no time to be kind to someone like you.

But you could be kind to Chan.

Maybe it could make you worthy of something other than hatred.

You didn’t need any words as you lifted your eyes to meet his; thumb rubbing circles on his skin and lips twisting in a small smile that was meant to tranquilize him. You sensed it wasn’t the right time to talk ─ as you could see in his embarrassed and regretful eyes ─, so you waited patiently for him to say something, giving him enough time to think about whatever was going on inside his head. He let out a heavy sigh, sitting down across you and taking your hand into his, holding it gently as he stared straight into your eyes with a tiredness you never saw before.

“I’m sorry” He huffed, hold tightening just a little bit as if to say that he meant it “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like this” You couldn’t help but fight back a smile, finding it amusing how he was so apologetic about something that made you feel so at ease. You shook your head ─ a slow motion that was meant to conceive how untroubled you were about his behavior ─ before smiling at him, dismissing the idea that you were somewhat offended by anything he said “I’m just really tired…” He sighed, rubbing his face in distress.

“Why? What happened?” You asked softly, and he scoffed before looking away in disbelief. As you stared at his profile, you noticed the dark circles under his eyes but you choose not to comment on it “Do you need my keys?” You offered, tilting your head as you tried to read his expression but getting nothing out of it.

“Are you really going to ignore why I’m here?” He asked grudgingly, returning his eyes to you “Y/N… I thought you loved him” He admitted “I really did… I…” He chuckled bitterly, pinching his nose bridge before sighing one more time “I spent all night long watching ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ and seeing Hyunjin crying and eating everything he could find in his way” He confessed, and the picture was somewhat funny and yet depressing.

You didn’t answer him; there was nothing to say.

“If I’m gonna be honest with you… I thought you guys were meant for each other” He scoffed “I thought you loved him as he loves you… I thought you guys shared so many struggles that you could heal one another… I thought…” He hesitated, letting his shoulders drop as he lowered his gaze to his lap “I thought you would say yes, Y/N…” He confessed, clearly disappointed at you.

He let the silence hang in the air, expecting you to say something.

You didn’t.

“Nothing?” He sighed “Really?” He raised his gaze to meet yours.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Chan” You tried your best to let your tone unwavering but you failed, and you knew it. You noticed how his eyes twinkled, picking up on your oddness “What do you want me to do?” You asked obnoxiously, scoffing as you looked away “Lie to him?” You felt your lips twitching slightly; the lie tasting too bitter for you to keep a straight face.

“Haven’t you done that already?” He asked knowingly; voice softening as he seemed to figure out everything “Y/N…” He smiled kindly; the corner of his lips sinking just enough to show his dimples as he played with your fingers “Why are you lying to yourself?” He didn’t sound judgingly but gentle, trying to look into your eyes but failing as you avoided his gaze for dear life “You love him” He stated matter-of-factly, chuckling in relief.

“No, I don’t,” You scoffed, still refusing to meet his eyes.

“So what is this for?” He asked, hand going to your face.

You allowed him to lift your chin and guide you to look at him, shivering as his finger slid from there to the corner of your eyes. You knew far too well what he was going to find there. You pursed your lips as firm as you could, trying to hold back everything that you wanted to pour out of your chest. He caressed your skin gently, and you could feel the faint watery sensation there as he let go of your face to show you his finger; a single drop balanced in there.

You closed your eyes, refusing to acknowledge it.

He chose to stay silent, waiting for you to be comfortable enough to say something. Anything. The way your entire face twitched and spasmed ─ especially your jaw that seemed settled in quivering nonstop ─ brought the realization that it was too late. You couldn’t fight back your tears anymore. You threw your face back, opening your eyes in a vain attempt to allow the soft wind to dry your tears away but it didn’t. The way you clenched your jaw and tensioned your throat did nothing but bring you pain before you finally let everything out, bursting into tears.

“Why are you doing this to me?” You howled, choking on your own feelings as you threw Chan a look that was meant to be a glare but turned out to be more of a cry for help “I don’t want to talk about it… I don’t want to feel it, Chan!” Both of your hands shot to your eyes, pressing them firmly to try and hold back the tears “I don’t want to love him!” You cried, shaking your head repeatedly “I don’t want to!” You insisted, voice stressing in a pained mewl.

“But he loves you, Y/N” He pointed out carefully, placing his hand on your head to stroke your hair gently “He really does” He reassured you, body sliding on the grass ─ the soft sound giving him away ─ to get a place beside you. He let his hand trail down to your back before sneaking to your shoulder and trying to pull you closer to him but you didn’t give in to his touch “There is no need for you to run away… He’s already yours” He hunched his back to try and take a look at your face but you still had your hands over your eyes “Why not take this chance?” He tried again, and this time it was too much for you.

“Because I’m a coward, Chan!” You snapped, removing your hands from your eyes and glaring at him “Because I’m a fucking coward that can’t face my own feelings!” You cried, connecting your eyes to his even though you couldn’t clearly see him “Is that what you want me to say?!” You let the corner of your lips quiver, knitting your eyebrows together “Do you want to hear that I won’t ever have someone to love because I’ll keep running away from it?!” You choked, overwhelmed by everything that crashed over your feelings.

You threw your head back, feeling the tears streaming down your face.

“Do you want to hear that no matter how much I run, I always end up in the same place?!” You scoffed ─ almost a whimper as your throat tightened by the second ─ before returning your eyes to him “No matter how much I run, Chan… I run and run and run and run… And I always…” You took a deep breath, air wavering to get into your lungs “Always” You emphasized, averting your eyes from him “End up alone, Chan” You muttered, hugging yourself as you lower your gaze.

“Y/N…” He whispered, shocked by everything you spilled on him.

“I don’t want to be alone, Chan” You howled, throwing your arms around him as you shoved your face on the crook of his neck, letting your tears soak his shirt. He wrapped you up in his arms, rubbing gentle circles on your back as he let his lips graze over your strands “Just don’t leave me alone…” You pleaded in a choked way that prompted him to shush you.

“Never…” He promised quietly “I would never”

////

How exactly did you end up in this situation?

You cut the beef on your plate awkwardly as you avoided looking him in the eyes, the scratching cringe noise making you shrink and grimace as you fixed your gaze on the fork and the knife in your hands. Now that you thought about it, maybe you should have weighted your options a little bit more… Wisely. It was too late for that, though, as Han sighed before dropping his cutlery in his plate, raising his eyes to stare at you uncomfortably.

“Lemme see if I got this right…” He said, covering his mouth and muffling his voice as he tried to manage swallowing down his food and talking at the same time “You’re asking me advice about your relationship with Hyunjin?” He stressed out the word love, throwing you a skeptical look “Because I hate him” He added in confusion, frowning at you.

“Yeah…” You cleared your throat, refusing to look in his eyes “Pretty much yeah” You risked a glance at him, bringing the food to your mouth as you tried to buy some time. He stared at you fixedly; head slightly tilted down, which made him look judging and attentive as you munched your food. It went down your throat as gently as a rock, prompting you to cough “I mean… Is tha such a weird thing?” You shrugged but the answer was quite obvious.

Yes.

“Kinda” He chuckled, arching his eyebrow funnily “I mean… You stumble over me on the way to have lunch” He raised his index finger in a counting motion “You comment on how Hyunjin missed today’s classes and how Paris saw him wandering around and went after him, leaving you alone” He pulled the second finger “You have puffed eyes and dark circles and look like literal shit” He pulled the third finger, and you couldn’t help but to chortle.

“Oh, Thank you!” You chirped mockingly, lifting your head so you could fully stare at him, “Such a nice thing to say” You pointed out playfully, getting him to pale and deadpan at you for a second. You could almost hear his system rebooting but it didn’t prevent you from laughing at his face “I’m just kidding” You decided to take pity on him.

“That was totally not what I meant!” He reassured you eagerly; system finally back and eyes settling for desperation “You’re beautiful as fuck, I swear!” He rushed to say, frowning at his own words “No! I mean… Not like beautiful in a flirting way, you know? Just like beautiful as… As in beauty and... Hm…” He rambled, seeming embarrassed as he trailed off and stared at your grin “You know what? You can do the talking” He sighed, holding his cutlery again and shoving food in his mouth.

“I think the saddest part is that you’re still being awkward as fuck around me” You mentioned, leaning back on your chair as you tilted your head and looked at him teasingly “The bright side is that you always were kinda weird anyway” You joked, prompting him to lightly kick you under the table and making you laugh.

“Ha-Ha! You’re hilarious” He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief “Pardon me for not wanting to make it more awkward than it already is” He grumbled; mouth making soundless complaints as he took another bite at his food “I mean─ I literally confessed to your all sweaty and smelly and mouth full of sauce… God, that was terrible” He cringed, hand going to hide his face “And then I go all–” He scoffed, taking his hands away from his face “You’re so beautiful” He spoke in a silly low tone, mocking himself.

“If it makes you feel any better this is the first time that I genuinely laugh in three days” You offered him, face twisted in a playful frown “Also… You weren’t that smelly and sweaty… You didn’t practice hard enough that day, I think” You taunted, and he snorted before looking to the ceiling and huff.

“Okay… So first: No, it doesn’t make me happy” He knitted his eyebrows together, throwing you an inquiring look “You literally just said you’ve been sad for three days” He pointed out, eyes widening slightly to emphasize his sentence “And two: Coach practically shoved that ball up in my ass! How can you say that?!” He whined, grimacing grudgingly at you.

You laughed at that ─ like wholeheartedly laughed at that ─, and for a second you actually believed that your attempt to brush aside your feelings was working out. Silly you. It struck you again ─ just like a truck ─ and your laughter died in your throat little by little until the twinkle in your eyes vanished like the flame of a blown candle. Something about it must have caught his attention because Han mimicked your expression, staring fixedly at your face as he waited for you to voice out your thoughts.

You didn’t.

“Everything fine?” He asked concerned as you didn’t offer anything back. Hell no… No, it’s not fine. You could never voice it out loud, though, even if it was the truth, “What’s with that face?” He risked, arching his brows to invite you to answer his question.

“Got it when I was born” You tried to joke it off.

“I see your jokes didn’t get any better” He taunted; a playful tone trying to mask the worry you could see in his eyes. He cleared his throat before reaching out for you; hand slowly slinking its way to lay on top of yours in a reassuring motion. The situation itself made you fight back a smile, and you found it somewhat cute the way he tried to push aside his shyness to make sure you were okay.

“Tough crowd” You smirked at him, and as much as he rolled his eyes playfully, you knew he wasn’t buying your cunningness. Wasn’t the fact that you could deceive neither of you kinda funny? You sighed heavily as you lowered your eyes, knowing that pretending there was nothing going on inside your head wouldn’t get you anywhere “Hyunjin confessed to me” You admitted dejectedly, peeking at him to see his reaction.

Contrary to what you expected, Han didn’t seem surprised or enraged at all, deadpanning at your statement for a few seconds before clearing his throat again and lowering his gaze. He didn’t say anything for a while, diving deep into his thoughts and pursing his lips as his eyes changed from time to time. Maybe you shouldn’t discuss your love life with a friend that confessed to you not that long ago… But now was a little bit too late for that.

Were you capable of doing something right at this point? You didn’t think so. You sighed heavily as you studied his features, wondering how could you have put so much unnecessary stuff on everybody’s shoulders in so little time. To be fair, you had a lot on your plate right now… It didn’t mean you had the right to fill someone else’s cup, though. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, ready to push the subject aside and move on to any other thing but Han beat you to it.

“So you love him?” Han’s tone wasn’t really loud but it startled you just like he had shouted right to your ears and then hit you in the face. You didn’t even answer him, mouth closing shut and eyes staring at him blankly for a few seconds as your system seemed to reboot “You wouldn’t tell me he confessed to you if you weren’t interested…” He mused, narrowing his eyes at your reaction “But you rejected him” He assumed wisely, stating it in a matter-of-factly way that made you wonder when did he start to actually be able to figure out what was going through your head.

There was no way of taking it back now.

“Love is a strong word” You mumbled, averting your eyes from him and fixing it on your plate again; fork poking the food and scrambling things all over. Well… As people say: You are what you eat. You grimaced bitterly at the sight, grossed out at the mixture you did yourself and dropping your fork with a clink before swallowing down the lump on your throat.

“Yeah… It is quite strong” He agreed softly, almost sounding mindlessly before he squeezed your hand once to invite you to look at him “But is it the right word?” He questioned solemnly, and you could only be thankful for not giving in to his squeeze and refusing to meet his eyes, or else he would have seen things you didn’t want to show to anyone.

Things you were trying to hide from yourself.

The truth was that the rollercoaster of emotions you had experienced through Wednesday and Thursday brought you a realization: There was no way to fight those feelings away. Well… If you were really being honest with yourself there might be a way but you just didn’t have enough willpower to succeed in it. If you had feelings for him but you didn’t want to and you couldn’t fight them away, there was just one other option available for you… Ignore them.

Initially, you felt guilty for trying to fight away your feelings. Especially with how harsh you were about it while rejecting Hyunjin. Although you weren’t rude, you weren’t gentle as well… You were raw, to say the very least. You knew how much it meant for him to face his fears and voice his feelings out loud. You knew hard it must have been for him to say that he loved you and wanted to be with you even though he was terrified of bonding. Now, you couldn’t feel guilty at all.

Now, you couldn’t help but think that you should feel proud of what you were doing. So what If you were running away from your feelings? So what if you were scared to handle this maturely? So what if you didn’t want to risk your mental health for him? You weren’t meant to do this. It wasn’t your job to take. You shouldn’t feel sorry for protecting yourself from the instability that was bound to come from this relationship.

You shouldn’t feel sorry for running away again.

It didn’t matter how many times you chanted it to yourself, you couldn’t help but feel guilty anyway. In retrospect, you couldn’t remember a time when you managed to overcome your feelings… You couldn’t point out one time that you didn’t give up and decided to run away… You couldn’t point out one time that you fought for dear life for something you wanted. And it destroyed you. You couldn’t help but run away from your problems and every single time you did it, nothing was resolved.

Your father? You watched as he walked away from your life and you did nothing about it. You let him abandon you and your mother and when he came back ─ as if nothing had happened ─, you let him walk into your mother’s life just so you could follow your own path. Your mother? You left her behind just like your father; ran away from all the problems she got you and herself into and didn’t even look behind. You let her with the one man you could never trust for the rest of your life and pretended you weren’t as bad as him in the most hypocritical way you could ever have done. Hyunjin? You rejected him as if you didn’t love him as much as he loves you… You settled on finding a reason why you shouldn’t love him back and held on to it for dear life.

Maybe, if you could convince yourself he wasn’t good enough for you, then you could finally let him go. Maybe, if you ignore your feelings like you had been doing throughout all your life, you would eventually grow used to it. Just like, eventually, the pain of being left behind was manageable enough. Just like, eventually, the disgust of acting like your father was manageable enough. Just like, eventually, the façade that you weren’t just like him was manageable to maintain. Just like, eventually, you would be capable to manage to not feel affected by your feelings for him.

You didn’t need to fight it because, eventually, it wouldn’t even affect you anymore. You didn’t need to be a fighter ─ to be fair, you weren’t really a good one ─, you just needed to be a good runner. And that you could do for dear life. You were a hella of a runner and if you needed you would be the best of them all. You would run away from your feelings for dear life. You would proudly and actively pretend that not seeing him in the morning didn’t affect you. You would convince yourself that knowing he couldn’t even bear to go to the same classes as you didn’t affect you.

You would convince yourself that this was your best choice.

You would convince yourself that the tight feeling in your chest meant nothing but an overattachment that you would be able to manage eventually. You would convince yourself that the fact that you kept turning your back to people didn’t affect you… That you weren’t afraid of being abandoned again… That you weren’t afraid of not being enough… That you weren’t afraid of being crazy just like your mother… That you weren’t afraid of being untrustworthy just like your father… That you weren’t afraid of running over and over and over–

“Hm… Y/N?” Han called you unsurely, trying to catch your attention by waving his hand right in front of your face “You’re still with me?” He asked jokingly; a vain attempt to lighten up your mood. You blinked a few times, trying to regain consciousness. What were you talking about before? You didn’t even remember anymore “So… Do you love him?’ He cleared his throat, searching for your eyes.

“What I feel doesn’t really matter” You dismissed his question, though your answer made it quite obvious “What matters is that I don’t think he’s the right person for me” You lied but the scoff you got as an answer was a good indication that Han wasn’t buying it at all “And Paris and Chan don’t seem to share my vision… And I was wondering if…” You glanced at him unsurely “You know?” You grimaced sheepishly.

“You were wondering if I wasn’t up to badmouth him since I hate the dude” He completed for you, arching his brow amusedly “You want me to say that he’s a fuckboy and there is no way that he loves you for real and you shouldn’t fall for his charms, right?” He licked his lips, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair “You want me to say that he’ll cheat on you and hurt you because he’s a huge piece of shit” He added, and you felt your throat itching to refute him, and yet you urged to believe in it.

“Yeah… Kinda” You nodded, getting a chuckle as an answer.

“This can never get out of here…” He muttered, moving forward to lean on the table as he cupped his mouth to mockingly pretend to tell you a secret “And I mean never” He emphasized; eyes glinting in amusement. You nodded, confused as to why he was acting so lighthearted to the fact that you just implied you loved Hyunjin and needed reassurance that not acting on it was the right choice.

“Just spill it” You rushed him, frowning in confusion.

“I don’t think I can give you what you need” He admitted, and to say that you were flabbergasted would be an understatement. You gawked at him, surprised to see him shrugging his shoulders as he returned to his seat “I know I tried to meddle a lot in your love life… And I know I said he just wanted to get into yours and Paris’ pants that day” He coughed to hide his embarrassment, eyes darting around before fixing on you again “But the truth is that… He did a lot for you guys” He said grudgingly.

There was no fucking way.

“You’re kidding me, right?” You scoffed “What happened to your attitude?! You hated him!” You scowled; the rage suddenly building up. What were you going to do now?! You were counting on it! You needed to hear someone supporting your decisions! “Now what?! The fact that he fucked the whole campus doesn’t matter anymore?! The fact that he’s always pissing you off?! The fact that he’s annoying to the point of being obnoxious?!” You slammed the table, though it wasn’t strong enough to catch anyone’s attention.

“I don’t believe I’ll have to say it…” He sighed; the grimace that narrowed his eyes ─ as well as the whining and ridiculous whimpering ─ showing that he wasn’t happy to say what he was about to say “So what about the fact that he went way out of his way to help Paris?” He scowled as he defended him “Or the fact that you’re constantly defending him when I roast him?” He added, eyebrows moving to emphasize his point “Or the fact that both of you always seem comfortable around him even though he’s a dick? Or the fact that you literally let him kiss you on the stairs?” He pursed his lips judgingly, and you couldn’t help but feel your face burning at that.

“It was a fake kiss!” You retorted eagerly “And what about the fact that you were always dismissing all those arguments?! What about the fact that I don’t want to hear his good points but his bad ones?! What about the fact that I’m freaking the hell out here?!” You yelled, getting up from your chair and placing your hands on the table to look more threatening “You were supposed to tell me that he sucks, Han” You whined “I need you to help me hate the idea of being with him” You sighed tiredly, returning to your seat.

“No, Y/N…” He offered you a small smile, reaching for your hands once again “You need to face your emotions” He said softly, rubbing circles on your skin “You were the one to encourage me to tell my father my real thoughts… My dreams…” He sounded grateful, and you couldn’t help but stare deeply into his eyes “I was afraid too, you know? I was afraid I would disappoint him… I was afraid… Well, it doesn’t matter” He chuckled, shrugging “The point is that you’re afraid of your feelings… You’re afraid of being hurt” He moved his hand to your cheek, cupping it gently.

You lowered your gaze, unable to look him in the eyes right now.

“And it’s normal” He reassured you “But to be honest with you… I don’t think you would be like this if you didn’t believe he loved you back” He admitted, prompting you to nod softly “You would just know that you couldn’t give in to your feelings and be firm about it… I was on the other side once, I should know it” He laughed, making you cringe for a second “If you love him and you really think he loves you back… I mean… Someone who comes to his enemy to ask for help for a friend couldn’t be that bad, hm?” He offered you, and this time you looked at him again, catching the disgust in his features.

“Who would think that you would come to like him one day” You joked, chuckling as he scrunched his nose and retreated his hands from you, shaking his head eagerly to dismiss the thought.

“Not a word about it to him!” He said threateningly, narrowing his eyes at you “If he comes even close to knowing that I don’t hate him that much now, I’ll make your life a living hell!” He grumbled, making you laugh wholeheartedly.

“You know what?” You rested your cheek on your hand, leaning on the table “I think you deserve a hot dog tonight” You offered him, a grateful smile on your face “Really… Thank you for saying that” You sighed “I think… I mean… I knew it was the right choice but…” You cleared your throat “You inspire me to be bolder, Han” You cringed, hiding your face behind your hand “God! I’m so cheesy and emotional nowadays” You grimaced, making a gagging sound as you let your index go into your mouth jokingly.

So maybe you were freaking out about your emotions… Maybe you were too afraid of being hurt and hurting him… Maybe you were terrified of not being enough for someone you loved so much. Again. Maybe you were terrified of not being able to support him… Maybe you were just too afraid to allow yourself to fully express your feelings for him… But that was why you were in therapy.

You would learn how to deal with your struggles…

Eventually, you wouldn’t be so afraid anymore…

Eventually, you would learn to manage it.

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starktonyx · 4 years

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I can’t lose you - Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 3.7k

Requested by anon: Hey, I’d like to request a Peter imagine where he has a crush on the reader and saves her as Spider-Man, and when he realizes how close he was to losing her completely, he finally decides to confess how he feels?

Note: I’m so sorry I made you wait for so long, I hope you still enjoy this! I really loved writing this and it turned out quite long as you can see by the word count. This is mostly angst but it has fluff as well, I hope it’s what you wanted!

Masterlist

Today had been a very productive patrol day, and Peter was feeling amazing about it. Of course he wasn't happy about the number of criminals increasing in Queens lately, he just couldn't help but feel useful and proud that he could stop them, since Mr. Stark never gave him "real" missions, at least not yet.

He sat on top of a building to take a rest after his exhausting day, mask finally off and feet dangling on the edge as he admired how the sun disappeared behind the city's silhouette. He checked his phone for the first time since he got out of school earlier, and noticed he had two missed calls from you about thirty minutes ago. He smiled at your name on the screen like the dumb teenager in love he was, but before he could call you back something inside him made him lower his phone and furrow his brows in confusion.

Out of nowhere Peter felt uneasy, even though an apparent calmness lingered in the air. Something just seemed to be off, because every time things looked like they were going well, all hell broke lose the next second.

Peter had went through way too much shit to know everything about it.

"Karen, is there any trouble happening right now?" He asked, leaning forward to look at the street below him, expecting to find whatever was making him feel so anxious.

"You have appeared to stop all the crime for today, Peter" She said, her monotone voice not satisfying him at all.

He finally stood up and put on his mask once again, hoping the programmed lenses would help him catch something he might be missing, anything.

He saw nothing.

But that's when he felt everything.

The hairs on his arms lifted up as his spidey sense hit him harshly, invading every inch of his body in a way he had never felt before. He could feel his heart rapidly thumping on his chest, and the sound of the heartbeat ringing in his ear was so loud he couldn't hear the cars below anymore.

He began spinning around to find where the imminent danger was coming from, trying to diverge his attention from the pang in his heart to focus on the multiple streets and the few people in them. He was starting to feel disoriented, why was he feeling so threatened at the moment when everything looked just fine?

I mean, we all know 'just fine', never meant just fine.

"... Peter!" The AI yelled at him, or at least that's how it appeared to Peter when she snapped him out of his trance. "Y/N is two blocks away down the street, there's a man following her..."

Peter's mind was clouded from the moment he heard your name, to the point where he didn't even hear the rest of the sentence before he jumped off the building to swing in the direction Karen told him, because he was only focused on one thing right now.

Keeping you safe.

Two blocks away from the boy, you desperately tried to get away from the man who was following you, and even though you were practically running at this point, you were barely ahead of him.

You knew it was wrong to stay in the public library until so late, but you were so caught up in your assignment that you hadn't noticed the hours passing. You tried to call Peter so he could walk you home, but you guessed he was busy with his Stark internship when he didn't answer. Your best friend, and actual crush since you started high school, always gave you a sense of safety and you didn't really understand why, he was just a scrawny boy after all, yet all you could think about was how much you wish you could feel that safety now.

Your legs were starting to ache, and your nervous body couldn't control your shaky hands.

You were so damn scared.

You must've gotten way too distracted in your thoughts and didn't notice you had lowered your pace. You were only left to yell when you felt one strong arm wrap around your waist, and a hand quickly covering your mouth to muffle your screams.

Even though it took Peter less than a minute to arrive to your location, it felt like an eternity had passed before he got there, especially when he realized it took the same amount of time for that man to grab you and drag you into an alley.

Peter was almost as scared as you, because even though he had confronted this type of situation more than he would like to recall, his mind wasn't exactly focusing on the criminals this time, it was on you. His landing was clumsy and unbalanced, yet he regained his composure as soon as the man noticed Spiderman was standing right in front of him.

"Hey man, why don't you just let her go" Peter couldn't come up with anything witty or funny to say like he always did, and he was grateful his voice didn't break when he saw the fear in your eyes.

You felt relief for a second when you saw the masked hero, thinking you might have a chance of actually getting out of this alive and unharmed, but it went away the moment you felt a pointy blade pressing against your face.

"Why don't you just fuck off" The man spoke, his hoarse voice was defiant in contrast to spiderman's childlike one.

God, how were you going to get out of this?

"Just let her go man, I'll let you go and we'll forget about this" Peter offered giving a step towards you, but he was soon interrupted by the man pressing the blade, a dot of blood made an appearance on your cheek.

"Don't you dare get close" The man threatened, he was not going to let go anytime soon. "Back off spidey, she's mine"

You didn't notice you were crying until the salty liquid, combined with the blood on your cheek, was pooling in his hand that was still covering your mouth.

"P-please..." You begged at the man when he slightly loosened the grip on your mouth, but he immediately tightened it again as soon as you spoke, moving the knife from your cheek to your waist in a matter of seconds.

Your choked sobs and fragile figure were giving Peter a hard time to think clearly, his head was just empty. There weren't any strategies, any defense mechanisms he could think of, hell, it felt like he wasn't even spiderman anymore, just a kid from Queens trying to help the girl he loved.

He needed to do something. Quick.

Without thinking much about it he shot a web to the man's arm, but since he wasn't fully concentrated the web actually hit your leg, giving the man a few seconds to react and push the knife through your side. You yelped when he roughly took the blade out of your body, involuntarily bringing your hands to press the stab wound.

"I told you to fucking back off" The man laughed, before throwing your body to the floor and running away, taking advantage of the fact that Spiderman couldn't move.

He was stuck on his feet. This wasn't real. He didn't fail to save you, did he?

"Spiderman"

A barely audible voice got him out of his trance, and as soon as his mind processed who that voice belonged to, the boy instantly ran and kneeled beside you, putting his hands on top of yours to press on the bleeding wound.

Your vision was getting blurry as the pain expanded through your torax, but you could still hear spiderman's voice talking to you.

"You're gonna be just fine o-okay? You'll be alright I ... I'll keep you safe" He said in an attempt to confort you, and you weren't sure if he was assuring you or himself.

You tried your hardest to focus on the desperate voice, it sounded quite familiar. No, way too familiar. Were you hallucinating? The loss of blood was probably causing you to hear weird things.

"Don't close your eyes Y/n! Don't you dare close them!" He yelled and you made your best effort to keep your eyes open, not because he asked you to, but because of the sudden mention of your name.

How the hell did spiderman know it? and why did his voice sound so damn familiar?

You had to be hallucinating.

You guessed it was the adrenaline of the moment and the shock your body was going through that helped you distract yourself from the pain to focus on his voice as he rambled incoherent words to himself, figuring a way to help you out.

The more he spoke, the more you recognized his voice, but you refused to believe it was the person you had in mind.

No, he couldn't be the boy you were thinking about.

As he kept rambling the sudden realization hit you quite harder than the knife, and you finally associated who that desperate voice belonged to.

Peter Parker.

But that was impossible, there was no way Peter Parker, your Peter, was spiderman ... right?

"P-Peter?" Your quivering voice came out insecure, and even thought the mention of his name should've been enough for him to snap out his desperation, you were totally ignored by him.

His mind was a mess he couldn't get out of, since the moment he saw your body hit the floor he felt how his senses and brain stopped working, his eyes were blinded by the red gash on your skin, and the blood coming out of it had him so shocked he wasn't able to even hear anything anymore. Which is why he didn't even realize you had just figured out who he was.

It took him a while to be brought back to reality, when he realized his hands weren't near stopping the bleeding. He noticed how breathing was becoming a harder task for you as well, so he decided to resort to his AI for help, since he couldn't come up with anything anymore.

"What ... what do I do Karen? I– I don't know what to do, help Karen ... please help me" He begged, the tears began pooling inside the mask but he kept his blurry eyes set on you.

"You need to stop the bleeding, patch up the wound and get her to a hospital. I've set out a route for you" Karen's monotone voice gave him the most obvious answer, one he couldn't figure out before.

"O-okay" Peter's trembling hands looked around for something to press on the bleeding, other than his hands, until his eyes landed on the scarf wrapped around your neck.

He took it from you and carefully wrapped it around your torso, securing it with a pair of webs to keep it in place until he got you to a hospital. At this point you were only half awake, your eyes threatening to close any time.

"L–listen I know this is going to be painful but it's the only way to get you fast to a hospital" he softly explained, you could only nod before he grabbed you from the floor to lift you up. "I'm so sorry, please hold on" He apologized when you winced in pain in his arms, shutting your eyes close to prepare yourself for the trip.

"Help! I need help please!" Peter's broken voice boomed in the hospital's emergency room, catching everyone's attention, you didn't see spiderman entering the hospital with a girl in his arms everyday after all.

He was soon surrounded by doctors and nurses as your already unconscious body was taken from his arms to lay you in a stretcher. They didn't take long to interrogate him about what happened, and Peter had to clear his sore throat before speaking.

"Sh-she got stabbed and I–I tried to stop the bleeding but then she ... she passed out on the way here. You– you have to help her please" He cried to the doctors, not really bothered by their worried looks after hearing the superhero cry.

"We will help her, but first we need you to step back so we can treat her. You made a good job at stopping the bleeding but we can take it from here–" The doctor said before being interrupted by Peter.

"No! I stay with her, I won't leave her side" He said firmly, crossing his arms and straightening his body as if that would somehow erase his vulnerability from seconds ago.

It seemed to work, I mean, what were they supposed to do? say no to spiderman? So the doctor just nodded and signaled Peter to follow them into a trauma room.

Peter was about to lose his mind once again, he suddenly understood why doctors treated the patients privately and never in front of their family or friends. He had to watch how the poked you with needles and introduced tubes in your body, and before he noticed he was sobbing once again. He suddenly felt choked in his own mask when the tears pooled on the inside, blurring his vision and making it hard to breathe. He unconsciously took it off in a swift movement, automatically wiping his wet cheeks with his hands. Once his vision was clear, he noticed how everyone in the room stopped attending you and stared at him in silence, astonished by his face reveal.

"Why aren't you doing anything? Keep going!" He almost yelled at the dumbfounded doctors, who only stared at each other in confusion.

One of them cleared her throat, before slowly walking to the window of the room that faced the hospital hall, closing the blinds to prevent anyone else from seeing the superhero's secret identity.

"S-sir, put your mask back on" She carefully said, insecurity lingered in her words.

She wasn't sure if calling him sir was the right thing, I mean, he was just a boy after all. He even looked younger than her son that just graduated high school.

Peter was instantly brought back to his senses and realized what he had just done, and without a single word he just put the mask back on.

"I–" before he could explain himself, he was interrupted by another doctor in the room.

"It's okay, we won't tell"

The next hours waiting for information were hell to Peter, he had called May sobbing and not knowing what to do, to which the woman had to take matters into her own hands to calm the anxious boy and call your parents.

She had to literally force Peter to go home while you were in surgery so he could take a shower and change clothes, and when he finally came back to the hospital wearing civilian clothes instead of the spiderman suit, he had to ignore the curious stares from the few doctors that had seen his face before. Now he waited outside your room, his right foot anxiously tapping the floor since he heard you've already woken up from surgery. He felt the door from your room open, revealing your parents' faces.

"She wants to see you" Your mother told him as they exited the room, and the sad boy could only give them a small smile before entering.

He stopped right outside the door as doubt invaded his body. It was his fault that you were here in the first place, he had failed to save you from that man and now you laid in a hospital bed.

Fuck, what if she hates me now?, he thought, don't be stupid Peter, she probably hates spiderman, not you. Another voice in his head told him.

"Peter!" Once again your fragile voice brought him out of his thoughts, and the frown on his face was replaced by a huge smile when he finally entered the room to see you.

"H-Hi"He hated how brittle his voice came out, he cleared his throat before sitting on the chair next to you and unconsciously grabbed your hand. "How are you doing? Does it hurt a lot? Is there something I can do for you?"

His nervous rambling only made you chuckle, wincing when the laugher sent a wave of pain towards your fresh wound.

"A-are you okay? Do you want me to call someone?" He immediately reacted, almost getting up but you stopped him gripping his hand tighter.

"I'm fine Pete" You assured him, and the way his whole body relaxed was hard to miss.

You stared at him in silence for a second, and his broken appearance made your heart shrunk. He looked so worried and restless, and you didn't exactly know how to bring up your recent discovery of his superhero duties.

Of course you remembered everything, and even though you were basically dying when you recognized his voice, you felt almost one hundred percent sure it wasn't just a mere hallucination or dream. Now every sudden disappearance, every scratch or bruise on his body, every poor excuse he made to explain his behaviors now made so much sense.

Peter Parker was spiderman. Your best friend was spiderman.

He saved you, and you couldn't be more grateful for him.

"It was you" You finally broke the silence, staring at him lovingly. "You saved me" You mumbled, a small smile adorning your face.

Peter's eyes widened for a second, he cleared his throat once again and straightened in his chair, finally losing his grip on your hands.

For god's sake, couldn't he be more obvious? You thought, as you looked at him amusingly.

"W-what? no! no I didn't, spiderman saved you" He nervously said, scratching the back of his head. You had to prevent yourself from laughing, he was the worst liar you've ever met.

"Is it true you got your powers from a spider bite?" You asked, ignoring his poor attempt of denial.

"But I ... I d-don't have powers, that's ridiculous" He tried to laugh as if you were telling him a joke, but you only lifted your eyebrows when an idea popped in your head.

"Ouch Peter, it hurts" You whined making pain noises, bending over the bed to clutch your stomach.

"Wha–Where does it hurt?" He immediately got up from the chair to get close to you, you took this as your chance to grab him by the collar of his sweater and bring him face to face with you, leaving only a few inches between you both.

Peter stared at you wide-eyed, surprised by your sudden move. You had to control yourself from lunging forward and kissing him, and little did you know he was having the same problem.

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't the one who found me" You finally asked in a firm voice, although his puppy brown eyes were giving you a hard time to keep your composure. "Can you? Will you tell me you weren't the one who brought me here and saved my life, Peter?"

"I ... I didn't save you from that man" He shook his head, and before you could refuse he just lowered his eyes. "I couldn't, I should've done better–" He said, and you interrupted him when his voice broke.

"You did what you could Peter, you brought me here you–"

"Stop, please stop" His glossy eyes finally met yours again. "When I saw you there I– I couldn't think about anything, I didn't know what to do and I couldn't stop that man. I failed you and I'm so sorry. Maybe if ... if I was better you wouldn't even be here and I almost lost you–" He stopped to take a deep breath and wipe the tears falling down his cheeks. "I don't know what I would've done if you ... if I didn–"

You stopped him before he could continue and just crashed your lips onto his, he was steady at first as it took him a second to react and move his lips in synch with yours. He softly cupped your cheeks in his hands to deepen the kiss while you brought your hands to play gently with his curly hair.

The kiss was salty from the tears falling from both of your eyes, yet that didn't take the magic from it, if anything it just made it more emotional. Your lips moved like they belonged together and you wished you never had to pull away and just kiss him forever, yet reality brought you back when you had to break the kiss to take a breath.

You both stared at each other in a comfortable silence as you caught your breaths, still holding one another close. A big smile made it's way into Peter's face, and he felt like he was going to pass out in any moment.

"I ... I really like you" He was the first one to break the silence with his trembling voice. "And I never want to lose you, ever. I can't even think about it without freaking out" He lowered his eyes once again, but you gently lifted his chin to look at you.

You couldn't help but smile at his puppy eyes, you had been waiting to hear those words for so long so he needed to know you felt the same way.

And that you felt safe with him.

"I really really like you too, Pete" You confessed too, caressing his hair to help him calm down. "And you will never lose me okay? Don't you ever doubt yourself, I know I'm safe with you, spiderman" You reassured him, and he could only chuckle when he heard his superhero name.

"I can't believe you really figured that out while you were bleeding out" He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"How couldn't I when you couldn't stop rambling? I can recognize your voice from miles away" Your laughter joined his, and you had to ignore the ache in your side to not worry him.

"I didn't know you were so obsessed with me" He teased in a sassy tone, and you playfully rolled your eyes at him.

Yeah, you really loved this boy.

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alolanrain · 4 years

Text

Wrong Kinda Pikachu: Old Buried Rage (Part 1)

Ash stared at the tablet the man before gave him as Kukui stood awkwardly at the boy’s face. The glare wasn’t something he wouldn’t think to see on Ash’s face. The normally frustrated looking Mimikyu on Ash’s shoulder seemed even more angeried at the news. Kukui didn’t know what to say as the boy stared at the tablet in a tight grip, he could even see small cracks forming. Ku wraped an black appendage around the boy’s death griped arms as it made the boy loosen his hold. Ash relaxed from the contact and slowly looked down at the tablet one last time before Kukui silently took out of his hands.

“I take it you seen these people before?” Kukui said rather softly as Ash stood up straighter as Nanu from the other side of the beach walked towards them. The retired Kahuna just sighed as he took the offered tablet. “I regonize the uniforms, the colors are different, but they are still the same”. Ash tapped his foot in thought as Ku growled slightly at the thought of Team Rocket being back. Jessie and James had left the Rockets a long time ago and settled in Kanto. Giovanni was long gone thanks to Mewtwo. The Admins didn’t make it to any region from what he heard.

Why would they appear now all of the sudden. Nanu seemed to share the thought as looked through the pictures of the Aether Foundation corrupted and grunts seemly appearing all around the property. Nanu had a hatred for the Rockets from years working for the Police Force. “They are planning something big if they could take over the entire place by themselves only to scout around.”

Ash let a grunt at that as the boy traced the scar cutting through his eye. Ku did it’s best to confort it’s trainer as wraped it’s appendages around the boy in a hug. Ash smiled let the Pokémon wrap around him. The smile dulled as Nanu began speaking again. The older man seemed just as furious at the situation as Ash was.

“I wil get the get others from the Department to help us until we can figure out what to do from there, Ash will you contact the other Kahuna’s and maybe we can make a meeting?” Nanu questioned his tensed boarder as he felt a stab of sampthay at the situation. This was one of the biggest problems for a new Kahuna to face. He knew Ash could handle it but he wouldn’t want to give this stress to him either way. The young Kahuna let a breath before finally voicing his hidden thoughts.

“Don’t bother with the Police Department and I won’t be calling the other Kahunas” Ash watched as Kukui’s eyes widened as Nanu simply lifted a eyebrow in question. Ku even seemed surprised as its eyes stared at the trainer’s face. “Whatever they are planning it will come down to me and my Pokémon to deal with them”

Nanu didn’t like the answer with the glare he sent Ash, as was he was about to reply. Ash didn’t let it happen as he continued. “I have my reasons and you have to trust me that I know what I am doing, okay?”. The young man finished by turning around and let out a whistle towards the sky. A large shape appeared from the clouds as it darted towards the young man. What came into view was a Garchomp with its fins tucked into a dive. Ash watched as the dragon drew closer as the Pokémon knew what was going to happen. Ku held on as the Garchomp flew rather low as Ash jumped onto the saddle of the Pokémon.

It soared up again like a jet as its trainer adjusted into the saddle with Ku still attached on the shoulder. Ash grinned again as the Pokémon sped above the island towards to the Kahuna’s redidence. The Garchomp let a roar as they dove down again towards the home. Ash saw it come to view as the Ride Pokémon dropped towards the ground with a thud. Ku didn’t seem as happy but went along with its trainer as Ash jumped down from the dragon. Garchomp bender it’s head down as Ash reached his hand towards the creatures chin.

The dragon purred at the scratches before standed to his full height as Ash backed up. The fins lifted the creature up as it shot up into sky. Ash let a snort as he entered the home. Only slightly regretting leaving Nanu behind as he made his way towards his room as advoided the sleeping Meowths as Ku glared at the Pokémon. Ku always held a grudge since they nearly tried to shed its disguse.

He made his way towards his door as heard his other Pokémon stomping around. Ash pushed the door open to see them huddled together on the carpet. He smiled warmly at the scene as he stepped over Gozma. The big type didn’t even feel his presence amon the others. He made his way towards the back of the room wear the Pokémon System. It was used to call Professor Oak’s Lab and to help transfer his Pokémon safety to him.

He barely used it when he first built it from the scrap one he found. But it was time to use it again. Ku seemed to like the idea as it sat on one of the chairs near the console. Ash sat down as well as he made the call. His hoped his Pokémon liked his idea, he would preferred them to meet each other differently but this was close enough.

“Ash?, What are doing up this late to call me?” A tired looking Professor Oak appeared on the screen as Ash’s Pokémon began to stir. Ash smiled at the professor as a sorry for probably interrupted the man’s work. Ku turned to the screen as well as it showed clear distant anger to the man. The feistiness haven’t left the Pokémon after all these years. Ash got to the point as his other Pokémon turned as well to the screen.

“I was wondering if you could transfer some of my other Pokémon over to me” Ash felt the bitter angry surface, “I have a problem down here that I need their help for, more really some favors I need to repay.” Oak had a curious look but gathered the Pokémon to send. Ku caught up to Ash’s idea and let outa pleased screech. Oh, how the Rockets would regret coming here by the time Ash was finished.

The Alohan team looked confused as they saw Pokeballs in Ash’s hands and some on the table. Each Pokeball had a different symbol etched at the top. Ash let a small laugh at what he was going to do. Ku on his shoulder Ash collected his team’s Pokeballs as he placed the others on his belt as well. Gozma and the others stared at their trainer waited for an explanation.

“We have a new mission and I thought we should bring some others” Ash let on as his Pokémon eyes widened. “I thinks its time you meet your some of your family members everyone for this”, Ku seemed even more estactic at that. Ash let out a final thought as his Pokémon seemed overjoyed at meeting his older ones. His fangs bared as he let the line

“And when we do show up to place, Don’t Hold Back!”

#submission fic #pt.1 #ash ketchum #ku the mimikyu #kahuna nanu #professor kukui #wrong kinda pikachu!au #KAHUNA ASH KAHUNA ASH KAHUNA ASH #THIS IS SO DOPE AND I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!#submission

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heizerux · 5 years

Text

AHHHHHH SNAP! Ya’ll Already Know What Time It Is. . .

That’s right. Another lengthy post no one asked for in which I both analyze and give thoughts on the recently released ML episode. . . This time it’s Miraculer (is in español castellano? Is that right? Idk I just know it’s the Spain Spanish and that Spanish LB just happens to be mi favorita!!! lol.)

Anywhoosies, let’s buzz right on!

So we continue to see Chloe STILL trying to get Ladybug’s attention so she can become Queen Bee. NOTE: She hasn’t been causing akumas this time around, instead she’s been waiting (not patiently but alas she’s not being as bad in that department).

So it seems that it wasn’t just Chat Noir but the whole Miraculous Team that came to terms that it’s best they cut Chloe out.

I do wanna point out the GROWTH in Chat Noir here. You guys recall the Chat Noir that acted out because he couldn’t know Ladybug’s secrets and wanted to know her identity but couldn’t?

Well, I’m proud of my boy now because here he mentions clear understanding that being a superhero requires you keep secrets, which is why he is FULLY on board with dropping Chloe out if it’s in the best interest to keep them all safe. S1 Chat Noir wasn’t that mature.

*head pat for Chat* he’s a good kitty, that one.

Next up after Ladybug decides to put it off for after school (I’m assuming the first battle took place during their 2 hour lunch break), we catch up with Gabriel and Natalie’s plans.

(Btw Nathalie, you sure seem VERY consumed by the plan than before. . .

You okay there?)

Note: To me this hints that the previous holder also became addicted to the use of the damaged miraculous and landed herself in a coma. Not implying that Emílie was evil although it would make for good drama but it is an interesting observation . . That’s my theory for now.

We get to see just how Gabriel is working with Lila and it’s about as I expected it’d go. They secretly meet and Lila reports on the school’s happenings around Adrien to make it seem like Gabriel is looking out for his sins safety (I mean he kind of is. . but he truly isn’t :( ). Here she mentions Chloe’s “pathetic attempts” at trying to get Ladybugs attention which only confirms his plans are working. I’m still disgusted by Lila but what’s new, amiright?

Lunch breaks ends (I’m assuming) and Lila is dispatched to plant the seed of Hawkmoth’s plan. Adrien is still patient as ever and Marinette is an absolute GEM with her transparent feelings. I love it.

Enter The Queen

If you had any questions about how Chloe feels about Lila, here are your answers to those questions: Chloe doesn’t care who Lila is. She isn’t relevant to her. Boom lol.

The only reason she bothered with her is because Lila told her the “secret call that will DEFINETLY get Ladybug to show up every time. It always works when I do it.” Marinette tries to tell her to steer clear of Lila but of course she’s too riled about Ladybug avoiding her that she storms away. So now leaves the pending task of telling Chloe the bad news.

“Marinette already spoke to Chloe. Now LADYBUG has to speak to her. Chloe only listens to Ladybug.” —Tikki

*Gabnath Evil shenanigans later*

Ladybug finally tries to find the time to talk to Chloe right after school, but of course the “sentimonster” (I’m still not with the term. It’s weird but whatever, it’s the official translation I guess.) happens.

The Queen and Her Dedicated “Knight”

So in this part Chloe tries again to call Ladybug so she can be Queen Bee and to sum it up: Chloe shoos Sabrina to grab the costumes, it doesn’t work, she tries Lila’s method only to prove LB still doesn’t show. Chloe is hurt, Sabrina tried to confort her resulting in Chloe lashing out with “You’re not my best friend! Only Ladybug is my best friend! You’re NOTHING compared to her!”

Hawkmoth attempts to akumatize Chloe only to fail.

CONFIRMED ML LORE: Akuma’s can indeed be fought off. You just can’t let your negativity overcome you.

So then he tries for Sabrina and turns her into Miraculer

Side Note: Okay, I’m giving a personal headcanon and you can try to change my mind but it’s pretty solid right now.

Sabrina is IN LOVE with Chloe. She would do anything to make her happy and when Chloe is hurt, so is she.

Now if only Chloe realizes the amazing girl Sabrina is and cleans up her attitude, this friendship/relationship can be pure. Anyways, that’s that. Moving on.

I really like Sabrina’s akuma this time around. The design is nice, the powers proved to be quite dangerous. . . Sabrina is getting the power she deserves.

CONFIRMED ML LORE: The use of Cataclysm on another person won’t “Thanos” them. . . But it does severely weaken your body. (my take is that it slowly deteriorates your body from the inside like a disease would Black Plague from within, anyone?. Which is why Chat is so vulnerable after being hit with it.)

If you’ve ever wondered WHY we keep catching Alya and Nino on the bridge after school so often this season, here’s your answer:

THEY TRAIN IN THEIR SPARE TIME!!!!

Nino: We sure are getting better!

YES! YES YOU ARE! 💖💕😩💕💖

omg they’re couple goals. I can’t even rn. Andre probably thinks they picked up parkour for fun or something lol.

The rest of the episode plays out as a normal fight and let me sum it up for you:

Ladybug rounds up the miraculous team while Chat Noir distracts Mayura and Miraculer, they get Chloe to work imo tricking Miraculer to return her powers, Mayura pulls a fast one and steals the Bee Miraculous, but Chat Noir is faster and takes it back. Queen Bee chases after Mayura only to be told “But if you join us, you could be Queen Bee for as long as you’d like.” Unfortunately for her, Queen Bee can’t be bought with bribery. Bb almost had her miraculous but Mayura slips out. The Dream Team helps LB contain Miraculer and Ladybug finally breaks the bad news to the Queen.

Ladybug: I’m afraid you can’t be Queen Bee anymore. Hawkmoth knows your real identity. It’s too dangerous.

Chloe was upset, but she still understands the consequences and gives her back “el prodigio”.

Chloe: I understand. But! I’m sure you’ll still need my help. I’m sure I’ll be Queen Bee again someday. I’ll always be Queen Bee. . .

Symbolism aside, Dream Team OUT and so leaves Sabrina and Chloe.

Sabrina: You won’t want to play with me anymore. . .

Chloe: Of course I still do. *stares down at picture* . . . But I just don’t want to be Ladybug anymore. Keep the costume if you want to.

The Queen is spreading her own wings. . .

More Gabnath future shenanigans are implied and Chloe confronts Lila for being a liar.

Lila: But when you tried it, she was there . . . wasn’t she?

Oh Lila you sly lil bi—

Chloe walks off not being able to counter that and Marinette mentions she hopes she didn’t hurt her, since she’s been trying really hard, but Tikki ends the episode with “Its for her own good. That way you can also keep her as well as Ladybug and Chat Noir safe as superheroes. It’s what being a hero is all about.”

To do what you can to keep everyone safe. . .

Conclusion: This was definitely one of the good episodes in the season. It gave us some answers to lore questions we’ve had in fandom, showed us Chloe is indeed slightly changing for the better, insight on Hawkmoth and Mayura working together, have Sabrina justice as an akuma, and ended with an important message about what being a hero is really about and the sacrifices it requires.

I saw 9.5 of 10 was a rating given by @gale-of-the-nomads for this episode on their review post, and I agree. It was a solid 9.5 and it’s a rating I would also rate it.

It was a very good episode. THIS is the kind of stuff I’d like to see. Clear development into something bigger (but alas, patience is freaking key with this show 😞)

I’ll end this post on this note:

This episode may or may not set us up for what we’ll see in the season finale (in regards to Hawkmoth trying to use the Bourgeois against Ladybug). He is clearly targeting Chloe, and now we officially know why.

Just a final observation.

(The keep reading feature needs to come to mobile)

#miraculer #ml season 3 #ml spoilers #ml season 3 spoilers #chloe bourgeois #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug #ml #ml meta #ml discourse #no ml salt #i really enjoyed this episode #long post #ml review

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silverylion · 5 years

Text

Can we talk about Lance for a bit ?

There is something that really bothers me in season 8. I mean everyone is kind of still recovering but I feel like I need to say it anyway.

They chose to heavily feature Allurance from episode one cause they planned to kill Allura. It's a fact. As much as I don't ship it, they make a really cute couple with adorable scenes that made me smile and support them and I could have got over my disappointment regarding who I wanted to end up with Lance if only Lance had shown a bit of happiness by being with her.

No manner how we look at it, he isn't happy ! Why is that ? He finally got what he always wanted so why did they depicted him like that ? I really don't understand and that's what makes me so angry about all of this.

He doesn't seem like someone in love who finally got the girl! He seems hurt! Why is that ??

I'm ready to ignore the messy plotline of this season, the inconsistencies and everything that is wrong because overall, what I really care about is Lance as a character.

He means a lot to me because he is so different from the characters we normally meet in this kind of stories. He began as an annoyingly flirty boy who was desperately searching for glory to calm the insecurities he only show to few people. He was talented but needed someone else to acknowledge it to fully realize it himself. He was defined by his loudness and his love for love. He was looking for validation and a special person who would love him as profoundly as he love others. He had big dreams, big expectations, a bright future ahead of him. He wasn't overly masculine, liked being pretty and throw terrible pick up lines. He was funny, adorable I fell for him as much as I identified with (even if we are so different). He wasn't perfect, far from it, but it's also why I love him.

For many - including me - he was also representation. Not only for another kind of complex character but also by being Cuban and supposedly bisexual, something that seemed to be heavily implied so many times but I won't even talk about it.

During the series he has grown to be more self assured through the missions he accomplished with his friends, the people he met but most importantly Keith who trusted him and relied on his abilities, which definitely shown him his worth. I'm not even gonna talk about Klance as romantic. Keith is an important person for Lance's character, a friend he needed by his side along the way and that still was there for him in season 8. Which is really great, by the way.

I'm not gonna talk about the 'first choice' thing or the 'someone he needs, not someone he wants' or even the 'endgame' aspect of his romance. But yeah, that was all lies.

On this photo, Allura seems calm and happy, she seems like she can finally see a future with Lance and it's great. What is not so great, though ? When I saw this particular part in the episode, I stopped and watched Lance's face for about 5 minutes to try to understand. I don't see a happy boyfriend, here. I see a guy kind of unsure of what he is doing. I see a guy who doesn't know if what he is having is for real or even if it's what he really wants. He seems quite uncomfortable, tensed. It's maybe just a projection on my part but I genuinely cant see happiness here no matter how long I look at it. But maybe I'm really biased and don't see what actually is, you tell me.

Throughout the season, he was here to support Allura on her journey and it's great, but I would have wanted her to reciprocate it in a way or another. It's what Lance always needed and he didn't got it.

And in the end, he cried. I feel like he never really believed that this relationship would stick, that for whatever reason, they would end up parting paths. And the crew chose to kill her... In all honesty, Allura is not a character I really care about. I thought nothing about her in s1 and in s2, I started disliking her with what happened with Keith. But even thought I don't really care for her, making her die ? For seemingly no reason ? It's tough. And once again, I'm not even talking about how they killed representation or how people in the fandom can feel crushed by that, betrayed, even. I'm only remaining on Lance's side.

He never really had someone to reciprocate his love, something confirmed by his mom. He fell for Allura, casually at first, really hard when the series continued. What he feels for her is genuinely profound and I really liked that he confessed to her but even then... why did he seemed so sad ?

Just look at him !

He probably never loved anyone as much as he loved her. He sees a lot in her but he never felt like he was on equal ground with her. She is an awesome gorgeous space princess. He is just a boy from Cuba. (An awesome funny adorable space ranger but what do I know...). He never felt like he had a chance or deserved her affection. What about that ? It wasn't mentioned even once and I think that this is the reason of his constant sad face while he confesses, while he kisses her, while he conforts her...

I just don't understand and it makes me sad to see him like that. I know, he is just a character, I know this is just a cartoon, I know this just a kid show. But seeing a character you so much love becoming this sad guy that only support without reciprocation, this guy that loved love and is betrayed by it ? I just can't feel anything else but anger and disappointment for the wasted potential.

He ended up losing the woman he loved. The only person who seemed to reciprocate his feelings and because of that I think that he will always be a little more cautious about it because he has always been disappointed. He shot for the stars and fell hard. I fell hard with him. And as someone that feel that love will never go both ways, it just makes me even more bitter about this.

About the altean markings I don't know what to think. Some people think Allura turned him altean, others think she just left him something to remember her by. In both cases, this is wrong.

If the first theory is true, then what? What does that mean beside the ridiculous impossibility to change race? Did she make him altean to 'level him up' from his human status because he wasn't a match for her? Because altean are so much better? Because there was no need for that! Alteans are not all dead so why? For all I know, it wasn't to make royalty knowing that he ended up farmer so... once again, why?

If the second theory is true, well... That's even worst. She wants him to remember her ? I think he has enough around him for that, the status, the commemorations, the legend that will follow her, stories, his friends that gather to talk about her and how they miss her and what she meant for them... Giving him this will only prevent him from moving on. And it's harsh. I personally think that he should have moved on a long time ago. She never loved him, she was annoyed by his flirty attitude, by his simple presence sometimes. He should have seen that blatant rejection and accepted that yeah, he wants her but cannot have her. Romantic love wasn't something she cared about for so long. And then she fell for Lotor who betrayed her. And I think she honestly still doesn't care about Lance this way.

I think Allura didn't fell in love with Lance. She was heartbroken because of Lotor, because of the altean, because of the crown she lost, because she saw everyone with families while she lost hers. I think Allura just wanted someone that would take care of her and lift her burden with her. Just someone that would remind her that she is not alone in the universe, a distraction from the pain she was feeling. Someone that would ground her to prevent her from losing hope. He was easy, he loved her, she just accepted it not reciprocated it.

I see this like that because there was no real build up for their relationship. It wasn't a slow burn. It wasn't even reciprocal. She was sad that Lance felt so strongly about her and accepted their relationship for her own balance and because she didn't want to see her friend so sad. It didn't solve the problem for him though. Plus when the vision of Lotor, her ex boyfriend, told her to go get the creature thing she did but when Lance, her current (well past cause well, she's dead) boyfriend told her not to because it was dangerous and he cared to much for her safety, she didn't listen to him... Great. That's love folks.

I really could have fell for their story but seeing Lance so sad, so taken advantage of... He was so dull, no charisma, no joke, no stupid lines, nothing. He wasn't himself. He wasn't the Lance we saw grow during six to seven seasons. He wasn't the hero, second in command, courageous sharpshooter we all know.

And the sword ? Was it to foreshadow his future encounter with Alfor and Allura giving him blue markings ? Well, that was unnecessary. They could have done that without making people think that something more exciting would happen, that he would actually use the sword.

And the game show ? If they were to be together why the fuck didn't Lance chose her ? Why the fuck didn't she chose him ?... Well, she didn't because she didn't love him more than she loved the other Paladins. But why Lance didn't? Why make Lance and Keith chose each other? If they didn't want to involve them in any romantic kind of situation (they totally failed), they could at least have made them hug. And an emotional scene to express how much they care for each other to justify being worth choosing the other over anyone else to leave and not spend eternity in the game show. Keith was there for Lance and Lance was too obsessed with Allura to even ask about him. Great, even in a totally no homo friends kind of look it was badly handled.

Can someone explain to me the reason of the sunset setting ? Or why Lance freaked out when Veronica asked him to "put in a good word for her" with Keith ? They are friends, now, there was no allusion to their past rivalry. There was therefore no need for that kind of reaction.

He didn't save Shiro, for absolutely nothing. They never talked about it again. They never gave him the opportunity to make up for how bad he felt about that. He didn't event get a conversation with Shiro. They never gave a closure to Lance's arc.

Why do I feel like they did all that to make everyone pay for the shippers that made the toxic reputation of this fandom ? Why do I feel like the writers hate Lance ? Why do I feel like they totally baited us ?

The guy so in love with the idea of love ended up a lonely farmer. That's a great message for kids : don't even think that life will live up to your expectations no matter how hard you work for it. Don't even think that you can find any kind of fulfillment in your life, neither in love nor career.

I've never been in a fandom while a series was still going but I engaged in the Voltron fandom. I discovered it quite late but fell hard for it, it brought me so much happiness, so much hope ! I will never do it again because I'm not sure that the sadness and disappointment I feel right now are worth it. I will never be mad at the theorists and meta writers, they are good people who saw the extraordinary potential of Voltron, they probably feel worse to have spent so much time and energy picking up clues that definitely existed and only served to bait us.

In conclusion, everything Lance did this season was in a way or another related to Allura, as if he forgot he was someone of himself. As if the writers forgot who this character was. And it's painful.

At least there are still the beautiful fan art and fanfictions that really make him justice.

#voltron : legendary defender #season 8 was a disappointment #lance deserves better #allurance was so badly handled while it could have been so great #i just need to rant to be able to finally move on #i'm just sad right now #i will certainly drown my frustration in fanfictions #i'm still really grateful for the amazing people in this fandom though #this season contained good parts but didn't live up to the potential of the series

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