hhhhhhhhh yea, twisted wonderland got me

i made some yuu ocs because i got bored

yume rosalia - the first one. i wanted to make a star based character and then threw them into twst and gave them lore. my only non-human yuu, i got inspire by herta's design in hsr. they have another form but i'm not showing it yet ;P. i made them come from the super mario galaxy universe as an evolved form of the luma because some of them evolved in a way to help out princess rosalina because they love her a lot and want to help her out.

yume asta - the idol. originally they were just created because i needed a yuu for my tsukasa gets isekai'd to twst au but i grew attached to her. she's minori's cousin and has been an idol for the past two years before being isekai'd. she's a totally normal, rule obeying student. yeah, totally. don't go looking for any hidden messages in their part.

silvester hatter - the one magic user. i like making characters based off of concepts and since the twst characters are based off of the disney villains, why not make one based off of a fantasy novel? i was originally gonna do xie lian but then i remembered howl's moving castle and decided to do sophie hatter instead. i based her look off of movie!sophie while her personality will probably be more book!sophie based.

yuu - the tired one. he is the most normal one in terms of life experiences. she definitely introduces the first years to pop culture from her world. they also know how to make their own clothes (sewing, crochet, knitting, etc.) and offer to make clothes for others as well. plushies included. they are not responsible if anyone gets hooked on anything they introduce from their world.

Princess

PAIRING: Dad!RAN HAITANI X Mom!READER, (DOMESTIC AU, PARENT AU) RAN AND READER ARE IN THEIR 30S. Genre: Fluff, Slight angst, Heartwarming, Slight crack at the end.

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You and Ran had two cute daughters, Reina, your eldest who was 4 years old, and Rimika, your newborn of 10 months.

You had picked up your kids from your parents house after you returned from work, after which you changed them into their nightwear and pajamas, serving them their dinners, before putting Rimika to sleep. As you put Rimika to sleep, you noticed your other daughter no where in her room, making you confused. After making sure your youngest was asleep, you walked into the living room, only to find your daughter, sitting on the couch with her legs spread, her blond small braids on her shoulders, her arms crossed, staring at a distance with a pout. You'd never lie that you two made exceptionally cute kids, but you had to figure out what was going on in your daughter's mind.

"What's on your mind sweetie?" You said, as you sat beside her on the couch, folding your legs up on the couch, your one hand resting on the top of the headrest, where you leaned your head against, while your other hand poked your daughter's cheek.

"Nothing..." Your daughter mumbled, the pout still not leaving her face, making you snort, "Are you sure? You can tell me if something's troubling you, okay? Im your mama, and ill help you no matter what, and so does daddy. So dont be shy or scared to tell us anything, because we are here for you."

"Okay.." Your daughter mumbled, making you more confused. Reina was an energetic and cheerful girl, but also surprisingly mature for her age. So it was an obvious surprise seeing your cheery baby be quiet and calm.

You two stayed in silence for a few moments, as you continued watching TV, since you were waiting for your husband to return home and have dinner together.

You could see Reina take glances at you, opening and closing her mouth for a few seconds. You didnt want to force her into telling you, as you wanted her to develop the trust for you from within her. After a few minutes you heard your daughter speak.

"Mama"

"Yea?"

"Why does Dada spend so much money?"

You looked amused at your elder daughter, Reina, as she looked cute with her head tilted slightly, eyebrows furrowed curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well...today at school, Mimi said that her mom scolds her for asking too much toys, and that she needs to grow more big and be a good girl to get more toys. But when i ask Dada to buy me something he gives me what i want. Does this mean I'm a bad girl?"

You then fully turn towards your daughter, lowering the voice of the TV, before speaking, "No sweetie, thats not completely true. Yes you need to be good girl and grow big to get some much cooler toys, but Dada buys you stuff because he loves you very much, and just wants you to be happy and see you smile."

Listening to this, your daughter's eyes sparkled, as she crawled and sat beside you, "Really?"

"Yes really"

Reina then put a finger on her lips in her thinking pose, as she sat facing towards you on the couch, "Why does Dada love us and Uncle Rindou so much then?"

You took a deep breath, thinking of how to exactly answer this question, "That's because when Dada was just like you, he didnt have anyone to love him and uncle Rindou, just like how Dada loves you. Thats why Dada gives you big warm hugs so that you know that he will always be there for you."

Reina crawled towards you more, as she hugged you by the waist, making you hug her as well, as you soothed her hair with your one hand. You decided to let her stay awake this time, as you knew she wanted to see her dad.

After half an hour, you heard a jingling of keys, before you saw the lilac haired man walk in, exhausted, his eyes glimmering as soon as it fell on you and your daughter.

Reina broke from your grasp, before rushing towards her father, yelling 'Daddaaa' as Ran kneeled down to catch her into a hug.

"Heyy Princess, I missed youuu." Ran said, as he picked her by both his hands and hugging her tightly, as you walked towards the father daughter duo, "Okay Reina, let Dada clean himself up before you yammer his ears out."

After Ran came out of the bedroom freshened up, he saw his daughter sat on the kitchen counter talking about her favourite cartoon, while you readied both of yours dinners, humming and replying to her conversation in between.

As Ran walked towards the kitchen, Reina spotted him, squealing and telling him to pick her up by signalling him by her wide open arms. He picked her up, balancing her by his hip and one arm, while the other held his plate, as you two settled on the couch.

As you three talked with each other, Reina twiddled with her braid, before asking,

"Dada i want to ask you something."

"What is it princess?"

"Does your Mama and Dada love you?"

You both looked at Reina surprised at the sudden question before looking at each other, wondering how to answer the question, before Ran took deep breath, looking towards the TV for a few seconds, before audibly exhaling, "Well sweetie, i dont have a mama or dada."

Reina tilted her head in confusion, "Why not dada? Where are they?"

"I don't know sweetie. Me and uncle Rindou don't know where they are."

"Why?" Reina prodded.

"Because my Mama and Dada didn't want me and uncle Rindou, so they threw us away."

Ran was used to it and was in terms with it since him and his brother were young, so he said it casually as if it was not a big deal. Reina pouted sadly, as she stopped twiddling with her blonde braid.

"Awwww" Reina said sadly, as Ran nodded, as he continued eating his food. "I know right. But now i not only have uncle Rindou, but your mama, Rimika and you as well now."

Reina stayed quiet for a few seconds before innocently looking into Ran's eyes.

"I want you Dada."

Ran stopped mid bite, as you both looked at her in surprise.

He could feel himself becoming warm, surprisingly feeling his eyes blur slightly, as he put down the spoon on his plate before tugging his baby towards him, "Come here pumpkin." Ran cooed, hugging Reina tightly as Reina reciprocated the hug, as she buried her face in his chest. Your heart swelled with warmth as you heard your daughter's heartwarming words, and the warm interaction between the father and daughter.

Ran and Rindou had to work their asses off before they were one of the toughest delinquents in Roppongi in their teens, and they were happy and enough with each other. So they didnt bother with their parents' absence majority of the times, but that also meant them having lack of parental affection as well.

Ran never thought about his future much until he met you, making you one of the few people he cared about, asides from Rindou and some of his friends. And now you gifted him with two beautiful daughter with equally beautiful hearts. And hearing his daughter's words, he never knew that such her few words would make him so vulnerable and loved, as if his inner child had been healed.

"I want you Dada. I love you."

"I love you too, so so so much princess, more than anyone can imagine." Ran said as he showered her face with kisses, not breaking the hug, as you rubbed your hand soothingly at his back.

"Dada will always be with you and would fight any bad guys trying to hurt my princesses."

Reina giggled as she was showered by her dada's attention and kisses. After finishing your dinners, Reina played with you both, as she kept on chatting and talking about her day in school, and how she got a star in her hand by the teacher for good job. Soon, unsurprisingly, she felt sleepy as she let out a yawn, making Ran moving to pick her.

"Dada i wanna play with you more."

"We'll play tomorrow. Now you're very sleepy."

"Awww I'm not. Pwease Dada." Reina whined as she wrapped her arms around Ran's neck and pulling him down, as she sat on the floor, whining, but her sleepy eyes saying otherwise.

"How about you go to sleep now and Ill tell you a bedtime story."

Reina blinked, as she thought about the offer before nodding and letting Ran pick her up, as she buried her face on his shoulder.

As he settled Reina in her bed, Ran told her a fairytale bedtime story, as Reina listened closely, before she felt her eyes droop.

As Ran saw her fall asleep, he soothed her head by his hand before kissing her on her forehead. He then kissed lightly on Rimika's forehead before walking out of the kid's room, and entering both of your's master bedroom, as you readied yourself to sleep.

As you both got on the bed, you had a slight smile on your face, as you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, you okay?"

Ran looked at her, "Yea, in fact, im more than fine." Ran smiled genuinely, which made you kiss him on the cheek.

"im glad. Reina really does love you a lot, sometimes even more than me which makes me jealous. A complete Dada's girl. I wont even be surprised if even Rimika would favor you more." You joked, as Ran snorted lightly, as you both sat leaning against the headboard of the bed.

"Well its the Haitani genes, baby? What did you expect? Im the cooler parent obviously" Ran smirked, making you playfully roll your eyes.

We sat for a few seconds in silence, before Ran spoke up, "I was thinking of taking a holiday from work tomorrow, and spend some time with the kids. Ill inform Rindou about it"

"I think thats a good idea as well, its been a while, and Reina and Rimika did miss you a lot. But inform Rindou now, because we both know damn well you wont wake up early in the morning, and even if you do, you'll become a grumpy old man."

Ran rolled his eyes, at your comment, reaching towards his phone by the bedside table. "You are just proving my point the more you roll your eyes."

"Watch your tongue woman." Ran glared playfully, as he texted Rindou about his leave, before setting the phone aside, wrapping his hands around your waist, as you switched off the bedside lamps and laid down on the bed to sleep. Ran snuggled you towards him, your back towards his chest, as you could feel his chest moving.

"By the way, you need to stop spoiling your kids more. We already have a mini you in the form of our eldest daughter, and if you spoil her more, she's gonna turn into a brat."

"What wrong with a mini me? Im great."

you turned around, facing him, your eyebrows raised, giving him a 'really' look, "No offense, but i cannot let our daughter inherit your personality of all people."

"I have a great personality woman, what are you talking about. Im charming, fun and easy going."

"You have a shitty personality."

"Oh yea? Bold words coming from the woman who married and had sex with this personality, not to mention, have two kids."

You rubbed your fingers at the bridge of your nose as you sighed, knowing he had a point, as Ran smirked, his droopy eyes lit up in amusement.

"Fine, just dont spoil them too much. As it is Reina has started throwing tantrums more than usual, i dont want her to continue like this."

Ran raised his eyebrow amusingly, as he calmly and jokingly spoke, "Reina doesnt throw much around me though?"

"Of course she won't, she knows you'll give her anything you want."

"And that i will always do, no matter what. She's my little princess after all."

Could I have something for eyeless jack with an s/o who's a night owl and has a chronically FUCKED up sleep cycle

I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I wanted to stay true to Jack's opinions and general character

Jack himself is mostly nocturnal, so on one side, this does give you a lot more time to spend with him each day, which he appreciates because he loves you and he tries to spend as much time with you as he can each day. However, on the other side, he greatly worries for your health and well-being, especially speaking as a doctor, he wants you to take care of yourself, and skipping out on sleep every day is not the way to go about that. Due to this, Jack ends up trying to persuade you into a much better sleep schedule most of the time.

Jack will start with a direct approach first; asking for you to kindly and helpfully work with him so he can try and get you on track to a better sleep schedule. He would greatly prefer that you at least give an honest attempt at trying to improve your sleep schedule, as it would greatly upset him if you continue not trying to improve it at all, and could be a deal breaker in the long run unless you essentially just shift your entire existence to just be nocturnal like him because he doesn't want to date someone that doesn't care about their health. If you do agree to try and work with him, then Jack will be quite happy, and even if you don't make immediate progress, he's just happy to work with you to try to get better. Baby steps, one at a time is all that matters to him. 

Jack will start by trying to get your sleep schedule just a bit better. If you're staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning each night, he starts gradually bumping you back to 2, and then 1, and then 12, although he could handle 1 just fine if you can get there. The other thing is, he'd start getting you up earlier. Jack goes to bed about 8:30-9:30 each day, and so he would wake you up before he goes to bed every morning. He tries to regulate your schedule so your body can get more used to that. Although, of course, he always allows you to sleep in on days off or weekends, that way you are still getting a bunch of rest you might miss out on. He just does little things, like no devices 30 minutes to an hour before bed, lights off or dimmed, and just laying in there with you, cuddling up with you and talking with you as you get drowsy. If you enjoy aromatherapy, he'll introduce you to some products he likes for that, or if you would like to try out melatonin for just a couple of months to see how that treats you, he'll help you get some of that too (although he closely monitors your intake on that so you don't take too much, as it's meant to be taken short term). Jack is not expecting immediate results. He just wants you to be more mindful of your body and your health, and even if you can only get into bed an extra hour, an hour and a half earlier than you were, that's still progress and it makes him happy. He loves you dearly, and as happy as it would make him have your company all night, he knows that humans can't do things like that as it's not healthy, and as a doctor, it's something he doesn't want to encourage. 

HOW do you read so much ?? i'm genuinely curious teach me ur ways </3

anon i promise the most recent book i read took me 6 months to finish and the one before that was another 6 months despite being less than half the length--i have a lot of disparate readings that i post from but they don't all occur over the same period of time in the least.

and in all honestly reading, for me, is not about how "much" i read anymore but on whether or not i'm enjoying what i am reading and if i'm being true to my own pace, impulses, and interests as i do so: measuring books in terms of a checklist or reading for the sake of appearing "well-read" or because you think you have to speedrun your way through 6 hardbacks a month to qualify as a true Reader™ (which is an utterly ridiculous title because It Does Not Exist) will only put a great deal of pressure on yourself and in the process actually rid you of the joy of reading in the first place (i say this because i've been there, many many moons ago).

if you want to establish reading as a habit for yourself, the best thing i can advise you is to first of all: go at your pace--don't throw yourself into books you feel obliged to read but find ones that give you the most joy to begin with. how easy it will be to establish a reading routine will depend on a number of things--what you are used to reading and how you are used to reading things (and this in turn can also be affected by things like social media and how much time you spend there) and also what your own schedule and time constraints look like. i think the easiest way to start is to just set yourself a limit of 5 minutes: for 5 minutes straight you read, and then when those 5 minutes are up, you go for another 5. once those 5 minutes are up you go for another 5 again. it's a very manageable low-pressure way to begin and in the vast majority of cases you don't even realise when your 5 minutes are up once you get into the flow of this.

you can also pick a workable number and incorporate that into your day-to-day life: if you take a number like 20, for example, you can then decide to either read for 20 minutes or read 20 pages before bed. alternatively, have a no social media day and in the open space that gives you allow yourself an hour or 30 minutes (or whatever works for you) with whatever book of your choice (you can also use an app like Forest to stop you getting distracted by your phone). at the end of the day i think the main thing in building a reading habit is that you center your own pleasure and also, once you find a routine that works for you, to stick with it--i think social media is disastrous for attention spans on the whole unless you're very careful and intentional about what you do with it and how you use it, and it can be very difficult sometimes to adjust to the quietening that reading forces on you in comparison to scrolling through tiktok or ig.

in any case though, i hope some of this has helped you anon, even if only a little x

Steve's life is going to fall apart, he thinks.

Dustin's away at summer camp, Nancy's left for college two weeks early. He has a late shift at six, a house to return to that's emptier than usual, and a funeral to attend at eleven sharp tomorrow morning. His mother is writing a eulogy and his father is cold and pale in a box in some back room of the funeral home. He can't get the image out of his head.

At half past five, he shakes himself out of the stupor he's been sitting in. It's been at least twenty minutes since he's last moved, but really, who knows — all he's aware of is his aching back and the sharp pain in his neck from the hunched position he'd assumed at the kitchen table. Steve's car keys have left an imprint on his hand. He'd forgotten he was holding them. The Family Video vest is in his car, tossed haphazardly over the dash, and he shrugs it on over his gray polo before he pulls out of the driveway. Robin's house isn't far, something he's glad for. Less time he has to spend alone. Maybe she won't notice how tired he looks in the quickly dimming light.

She does. It's Robin, after all. Steve can't hide much from her.

"Hey, Stevie," she says as she slides into the passenger seat. Her voice is gentle, the way she might speak to an injured cat. "How are you doing?"

"It’s pretty bad," he tells her, and it feels like he's confessing to a crime. "I didn't get out of bed until, like, two hours ago and I still want to go back to sleep."

"Yeah?" she asks. He can tell she isn't sure what else to say.

"Yeah."

"I'm really sorry. I know that's pretty much the least helpful, most generic thing I could say, but I mean it. I can’t imagine how… how hard it must be."

There's a long pause. Steve starts thinking they're just going to drive in silence for the rest of the time, which is weird, especially for Robin. It makes him want to cry, sort of — that she, of all people, can't find anything to say to him. Inadvertently, he grips the wheel tighter.

"We'll close early," she says finally, timid in a way she usually isn't. "Keith can suck my dick, I don't care. He'll get over it. And we'll go get ice cream, if you want, and then I'll come stay over. If that's alright."

"Yeah," Steve answers, and God, there are tears in his eyes. "That would be great." He's careful not to let his voice catch.

"I'm thinking 8:00 — we'll start shutting down at 7:30 and be out by a quarter past. Then we've got almost an hour until Dairy Queen closes, unless you want to go somewhere else?" Out of the corner of his eye, Steve can see Robin twisting one of the rings on her left hand. Like a gut-punch, he knows it's the shitty tin band, the one he'd gotten out of a quarter machine at the arcade and fake-proposed to her with. She hadn't taken it off since that day.

Steve pulls into the parking lot, and turns to her once he's parked the car. She's still fiddling with the ring, so he reaches over to take her hand.

"Rob, listen," he says. "I'm not gonna fall apart. I'll be okay." He can tell that they both know it isn't true.

"You don't have to be," she tells him, and through slightly blurry vision, Steve can tell she's tearing up, too. "You can fall apart, it's all right. We'll put you back together. I'll be here the whole time."

Steve isn't sure why it's a problem, but he needs to make sure Robin doesn't see him cry. He gets out of the car and turns away. He can hear her, four feet away, doing the same.

———

The shift, short as it is, passes slowly and in relative quiet. Robin feels too far away, but the little bit of stability they've found since getting out of the car is fragile, winding between them like a spiderweb. If Steve reaches out, he'll break it.

They follow her schedule exactly, locking the door behind them at 8:15 — two hours before they're supposed to. Steve isn't one to get worked up about things like this, but he's even less worried than he usually would be. Nobody ever comes in on Thursday nights. The only people that will know are him and Robin.

"So, Dairy Queen?" she asks as she opens the door. "Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

"Dairy Queen is fine," he tells her. Nothing will really make him feel better, he thinks, but ice cream can't hurt.

The drive isn't long, but it feels like it. Steve can hardly stand whatever version of Robin this is, the one that's treating him like he's about to crumble at any second. She's right, but that's part of the reason it's getting to him so much. If the silence was unfounded, it wouldn't hurt so bad.

She insists on paying, and Steve almost can't stomach the sweetness of the Oreos. Robin gets M&Ms so he can pick at hers, too.

"So, how's band been going?" Steve asks, just to break the quiet.

Robin tilts her head a little. There's pity in her eyes.

"Pretty good," she says slowly. "The directors always get super uptight around concert season, so that's starting to kick in. We just got our last piece. It's this stupid hard classical thing — Stravinsky, I think — fuckin' Russians. It would be awesome, though, if we could play it right."

This is the Robin he knows. Fuckin' Russians, he thinks. It makes him smile.

"That's great. What's it about?"

"Oh, I have no idea," Robin says with a grin. "It’s from the Firebird, and it has something to do with hell, and it's impossible to play."

"I'll have to come to the concert." Steve holds her eye for a second, but when it goes on too long and her smile shifts to an expression of sympathy, he turns his gaze down into his blizzard.

"Steve…" she starts, but she leaves it there, reaching across the table.

"Can we go?" He squeezes her hand and she does the same.

"Yeah, of course. Come on, we can go straight to sleep if you want."

They do — or they try to. As soon as they're home and settled, Robin in a pair of shorts she'd left there and one of Steve's old shirts, Steve much the same, they spread out blankets on the floor of his room and try to sleep. Robin's presence is a comfort, but not enough for Steve to get the coffin out of his head.

"Can you talk?" Steve asks, rolling over in his bed to face her in the dark. "About anything you want, I don't care. Just say something. Ramble."

She reaches up to put a hand on the bed, and he places his on top.

"I love you," Robin begins. "The other day, I learned that a quarter of the world's population has tuberculosis. Well, not has, like they're sick with it, but they have the bacteria in them. That's insane. Tuberculosis is up there with rabies for me, you know? There's a new outbreak of it that's resistant to the treatments, and I know it's not likely we'd get it here in Hawkins, but man, it would suck so much. Especially if it was one of those drug resistant strains. We'd end up sad little waifs like in the Victorian era and we'd die a slow death and there would be nothing they could do."

"I love you," Steve responds. "Can you come up here, Rob?"

"Yeah, for sure."

Robin stands up and climbs into bed next to him. He can make out the shape of her, squinting at him. Neither moves for a moment.

"How are you holding up?" she asks.

Only then, in the darkness, does Steve let himself fall apart.

It comes on slowly, but he knows it's coming as soon as she asks. He can't speak around the lump in his throat, so he just sits there fighting tears until she reaches out and pulls him into her chest. He breaks then. He sobs in Robin's arms for a while as she rubs his back and whispers reassurances to him. He feels like a little kid.

"Sorry," he gets out as it starts to die down.

"Shh." She buries her face in his hair. "Don't. It's alright. I'm not going anywhere, Stevie. This is what I'm here for."

Steve is hit with another wave of tears, this time a mixture of grief and gratitude. Robin, true to her word, stays. She holds him tighter still as he clutches her like she's the only thing keeping him tethered.

"I love you," she says under her breath. "I love you. It's alright. I'm here. I love you. I've got you. I love you."

She keeps going like that endlessly, quietly, into the top of Steve's head. Only when the sobs have slowed to sniffles does Robin stop, and even then, she keeps running her hands across his back, occasionally punctuated by a kiss pressed to his hair. There, cradled like a toddler against her chest, Steve starts to put himself back together. They fall asleep like that, intertwined, at home.

Ok ngl the fact that you refuse to watch the video before making an opinion on it strikes me as anti-intellectual. The video gives a very clear list of things to look out for for future instances of plagiarism and discusses why plagiarism (especially the plagiarism Somerton was doing which included stealing and harassing other smaller lgbt creators when they spoke up about it) is such a problem and how it’s easy to forget to check sources or think critically when it’s packaged in a well produced video like the ones he made.

I was not a Somerton fan (I bounced off his videos since they couldn’t hold my interest) but you have to understand he scammed a lot of people out of money while positioning himself as the True Queer Authority while spreading misinformation. Of course people are angry.

And were hbomb and todd just supposed to keep quiet about the fact that he was plagiarizing and spreading misinformation? If not for those videos, he would’ve kept scamming people. He was causing harm, and in an attention based job like this, the only way to stop them is to deplatform them. How else were they supposed to spread the word? Genuinely interested in how you think it should’ve been handled.

My guiding principle here is that when someone does a bad thing, the response to that should be proportional to the badness of the thing that was done.

The problem with HBomber as a handler of this kind of controversy is that he has no apparent upper limit on the number of hours he's willing to spend on this. And as I highlighted in an earlier post, he seems to treat any one thing he finds bad as equally bad as all the other things he talks about. I think it might be a consequence of the way his videos are formatted, and it all adds up to being disproportionate by definition.

Consider: If it's worth spending two hours talking in general terms about how plagiarism on Youtube is a pervasive problem, which I have little reason to doubt, why is it worth spending another two hours calling out one specific guy who does this thing that apparently a lot of people do? Does James McBlandname also kick puppies and protest against Planned Parenthood in his spare time? Like, the impression I get from that split is that one guy's acts of plagiarism are considered equally as bad as every other act of plagiarism on Youtube put together. And I'm sorry, I simply don't believe that any amount of plagiarism from one guy can be that morally bad.

As I said, this is a failing of HBomber's format, and the end result is that James Blanderson kind of... takes the fall for every Youtuber who has ever plagiarised. Is he worthy of derision? Yes, absolutely. Is he worthy of personally being a scapegoat for the entire Youtube plagiarism industry? There's practically no way that can be true.

It kinda makes me wish and hope that I never jumped on the Tommy Tallerico hate bandwagon—I legit don't remember if I ever have. But the same principle applies. Do intellectual property rights and their various abuses suck? No doubt. Does Tommy Tallerico deserve to be an icon of that particular sin when, say, the entire Microsoft corporation exists? Maybe not.

The question is, why single one guy out at all? Especially if it's a pervasive problem! If you're gonna go down the route of Prestige More-Than-Movie-Length Callout Post, the net result from that is you've entirely obliterated the online presence of one guy. Have you actually solved the problem? Even if the General portion of the video does the smart things, like tell viewers which genres of content farm are especially susceptible to this, or advising them how to spot when content might have been plagiarised as you're watching it, are people talking about that? Or are they talking about the one guy the other half of the video was about? What is your net impact here, and could it maybe be improved by cutting the video down to 30 minutes and being a bit more general?

All this doesn't even touch on how morally bad plagiarism is. Like it IS bad, sure, but there's degrees of badness. If you remember illuminaughtii's defining toxic trait as plagiarism, when in fact she was also very likely guilty of workplace bullying and financial/verbal abuse, then something has gone very wrong. I understand that this is Youtube, so the value of Content is at a premium, but maybe that means their own moral compasses have been warped, naturally treating plagiarism as considerably worse than the average person would or perhaps should. This is part of the point of me saying you aren't a Youtuber's foot soldier! They decided to make Youtube their lives, but you don't have to!

[title]

CW: vomit

Kade throws up after a bus ride back from a game.

Introducing: Kade, Braden, Alisa.

Note: clearly i am not a writer but i tried okay T^T i apologize for the abrupt ending

❆

The bus ride back to the university is only two hours away, and their game ended at nine. Thankfully, tomorrow's a Sunday, so he'll have a whole morning to catch up on lost sleep.

Knowing himself, Kade really doesn't want to drink the post-game smoothie or eat the pasta bowl the team ordered (it tastes good, but he throws it back up almost 30% of the time). Eating after an away game usually leaves Kade nauseated the entire ride back, even if he takes his meds. But he knows he needs to replenish the energy he used up, so he sips away at the smoothie anyways. It's a gamble, really.

A fairly celebratory mood is swirling through the air, the team having won their game 3-2. The bus is loud for the first fifteen minutes or so, with most of the team singing along to country songs that Antoine's blasting from the back of the bus, as the rest of the guys finish their food. Kade doesn't each much, already dreading the nausea that's soon to hit him. It quiets down soon, though, since everyone's tired anyways.

Their C captain, Wyatt, is doing some sort of homework at the back, as is his friend Kio, one of the alternate captains. The rest of the guys are mostly chatting away with each other, scrolling on their phones or napping with their earbuds in. Kade's trying to sleep, but as the ride goes on, his headache progresses from a slight dizziness to the point where even closing his eyes doesn't help. He checks the time: 10:30 pm.

Groaning internally, Kade shuts his eyes again. Still an hour and a half left, ugh.

His friend Braden's sitting next to him. Out of all the dressed teammates, they're the only true freshmen, so Braden's essentially the only one Kade spends time with outside of practice, games and team meals.

The next few minutes pass by relatively peacefully, until a bump in the road jostles Kade's already queasy stomach. He suppresses a gag as a cough, successfully catching Braden's attention.

In typical Braden fashion, he completely misses Kade's discomfort (thank goodness) and gives a very random suggestion.

"You should come over to my place tonight," Braden offers. "Jarrett's coming over, too."

"So you can game all night, eh?" Kade asks, chuckling. Conversation's somewhat taking his mind off his churning stomach and spinning head, which is good.

Braden shrugs. "Only until, like, one."

"You don't have any work to do tomorrow?"

"Nah. Doesn't matter, anyways. As long as I meet the requirements to stay on the team, I'm good."

"Alisa would shove you out the window if she heard you say that," Kade replies with a snort.

"So violent for no reason, man," Braden agrees, turning back to his phone and effectively ending the conversation. Normally, he'd say more, but it's clear he's just as tired as Kade is. (Once he turns his monitor on and starts gaming, though, any bit of tiredness miraculously gets sucked out of his veins.)

Around an hour into the bus ride, however, Braden apparently notices that something is off with Kade, who's leaning on one arm, his other arm draped over his stomach.

"You good, bro?" Braden asks, prodding him.

"Yeah, I'm good," Kade responds with little to no conviction.

Braden doesn't believe him, clearly. "You ate, like, one bite of pasta," he realizes aloud. "You sick or somethin'?"

Kade shakes his head, which is quite the mistake since the dizziness increases exponentially. "Just tired. How much more time left?"

"An hour-ish."

"'Kay, thanks," Kade replies, cursing in his head. He can hold on for another hour. It's just a minute times sixty, after all.

The rest of the ride doesn't fly by, but with the "minute times sixty" logic, the arrival at their campus comes sooner than Kade expected. Unfortunately, he's several times closer to throwing up than an hour ago, and the sudden change from a moving bus to unmoving ground somehow only makes him dizzier.

"Good job today, boys," Coach Tyler says as the players all file off the bus, yawning. "I'll see you all Monday. Get some rest tomorrow."

A chorus of "yes, coach's" and "see you's" follow as everyone begins either going to their cars or to the bus station nearby.

Kade can almost feel his eyelids fluttering, and he so badly wants to just take the bus to the dorm, but his room is only a twenty minute walk away and he really doesn't think his stomach can handle a moving vehicle any longer.

He waves goodbye to Braden, backpack feeling heavier on his shoulders by the second, and begins the walk back to the dorms.

He's probably made it about ten minutes away from where the team was dropped off when he has to sit down at a bench, the smoothie and singular pasta he consumed already rising up his throat.

Praying that he's not going to throw up but knowing it'll happen all the same, Kade stands up on shaky legs and turns toward the grass behind him. He leans over on his knees, breathes in deeply in vain hopes that it's just a bout of nausea and nothing more. In... out... in... out...

Somehow, the waiting is even worse than the vomiting, and Kade spits on the grass when the amount of saliva coating the inside of his mouth begins increasing.

He stays like this for another few minutes or so, but without warning, his stomach lurches and he dry heaves, straining every muscle involved. His head is full-on pounding now, and Kade stiffens, as any movement could probably make him topple over.

Retching again, Kade closes his eyes and just wishes that it'll be over faster. The quicker he can get this over with, the quicker he can get back to his dorm, and the quicker he can just go to sleep.

One more gag and everything comes rushing back out, and then it just doesn't stop. It's mostly smoothie, so it doesn't hurt as much as usual, but the pungent smell makes him keep gagging even after he's pretty sure his stomach has expelled everything that was inside. Kade refuses to open his eyes, knowing that seeing his own vomit would only worsen the still-lingering nausea.

His throat burns, his abs continue to clench and unclench as his heart thumps loudly in his ears. He's nearly a mess, and he's thankful no one's there to witness it.

And then-- "Are you okay?"

It's a girl's voice. Alisa's voice, he realizes with a small sigh of relief, because any other girl might take advantage of him in a vulnerable state. Not that he's vulnerable right now. It's just motion sickness.

There's the sound of her old bike squeaking to a stop behind him, and then Alisa's beside him. "Kade, is that you?"

He doesn't bother to look, already feeling her eyes staring at his face. "Mhm."

"Anxiety sick or sick-sick?"

"Motion sick," he mumbles, clearing his throat when the words come out sticky and hoarse.

"Aw that sucks," Alisa replies, rubbing his hunched-over back. "Where's your water?"

"Bench."

The water bottle's in his hands within seconds, Alisa urging him to stand up and drink some.

He swishes the water around his mouth and spits it out onto the puddle of puke before taking slow sips. He's feeling a little better already, fortunately. Alisa drags him back to the bench, pulling him to sit down next to her.

"How was the game?" she asks once his breathing slows down a little, but she keeps her hand on his back.

"We won."

Alisa claps, smiling. "Yay! Good job!"

He smiles back with a soft "thanks."

There's a comfortable silence, the leaves rustling as they're blown by the fall wind. "What're you doing out here at this hour?"

"Just got off work," she replies, stepping on a leaf. It crunches under her foot. "Why aren't you bussing back to the dorms? It's much faster than--oh. Right."

"Yeah," Kade mumbles, leaning back. His head isn't spinning as much as before, and the nausea is steadily decreasing. The only part of his body that's still uncomfortable is his now empty stomach.

"I would stay and talk but I have to get home now," Alisa says after a moment, standing up. "You should eat something if you're feeling any better."

Nodding, Kade stands up as well. He'll eat the rest of the pasta once he gets back to the dorms. "'Kay. Good night."

Alisa salutes him from her bike. "You too. See you Monday."

❆

additional notes:

kade and braden are closer than how i depicted them here, as are kade and alisa, but it's like this takes place at 11 pm so everyone's tired lol

more to come once i actually finish the 12 drafts i have yippee

So with FFXIV FanFest coming up, I wanted to give a bit of a rundown of what to expect in terms of being in Las Vegas in July as well as my experience with the last in-person FanFest in 2018. I’ll also wrap up with some fun things to do and see in Vegas for those who might be staying an extra day to experience the city.

It’s a dry heat.

Las Vegas is squarely in the Mojave Desert, and at the end of July, expect temperatures at or above 100 F, but with potentially very low humidity. Sit right down and let this desert lizard tell you about surviving in this sort of climate.

Hydrate. Even if you’re in the air conditioning of the convention center or the casinos, hydrate. The air is very dry and you with dehydrate faster than you realize. Even at night, you can run the risk of dehydration.

Limit your time outside during the day. If you do spend any time outdoors, please wear sunscreen. Light colors and loose fitting clothing will also does wonders.

Learn the signs of heat cramps, exhaustion and stroke. The National Weather Service has this great infographic and site of how to recognize and treat the symptoms.

Now I mentioned earlier that the humidity would be potentially low. There is a chance that afternoon thunderstorms could develop during this time of year, raising the humidity on top of the heat.

Not heat related, but worth mentioning that Nevada is a legal state for weed and yes if you’re over 21 you can get some. But please, please, if you don’t have experience, take it low and slow. Don’t pop a 10mg gummy before the keynote at FanFest if you’ve never had an edible before, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Things I learned from 2018 FanFest

Now, I recognize that this year’s FanFest is not only larger, but in an entirely new venue, so some things I might say may not be necessarily true. But so far, this FanFest looks like it will have the same basic structure.

First thing’s first, while basic convention survival tips will apply, keep in mind this isn’t your typical convention. There isn’t a dealer’s room, artist alley, etc., so please don’t go in expecting something like that. But still exercise the same sort of precautions you would for any other large gathering of people. Stay aware of your surroundings, know the exits, keep a hold of your belongings, etc.

If you can, either catch a ride or get an Uber to a grocery store when you first get there. Get things like granola bars, easy breakfasts, snack packs to fit in your bag, bottled water, etc. If you’re someone who drinks, get a bottle of your preferred poison and mixer, and nab a cup with a lid and straw. Trust me, you’re not going to want to pay casino prices for booze and you can walk around the strip with your cup, you won’t get stopped for open container. Seriously, they sell yards of margaritas on the sidewalks.

FanFest is held over two days, with several different kinds of panels, a gaming room, and a concert to send off the evening each day. The first event will be the keynote speech, which will very much most likely be the teaser and announcement for the next expansion. Other panels include, but are not limited to, a live letter, Q&A, developer panels, cosplay show, and PvP championship.

The gaming room during 2018 FanFest was a big hall with a bunch of PCs set up that were hosting several different events. They already teased we’re going to get a brand new trial we can try out, so that will be one thing. Last FanFest they also had a trial roulette, but with a twist. A group of 8 would spin a big wheel to see which trial you had to do, but you would have some sort of IRL nerf. For example, I got to do Susano, but every 30 seconds, I had to get up and swap PCs with the person next to me. Tsukuyomi, you could only play with half a screen. So on and so forth. They also had a PvP arena where you could fight someone else, the Eureka challenge where you had to run through Pagos as level 1 and try to survive, and a Kugane tower race.

For the gameplay stuff, you have a few minutes to choose your class and adjust your hotbars. You have the option of game controller or keyboard and mouse. My biggest tip? Take a picture of your hotbars before you go. That will make setting them up SO much faster.

In the package with our badge, we also got a stamp card and Cactpot ticket. You got stamps for doing the challenges in the game room, as well as doing things like their mini Gold Saucer games and Fashion Report game. At the end when you showed all your stamps, we got some posters. The Cactpot ticket had a site and ever so often they would draw numbers. If your number got drawn, you won a prize. Friend of mine got one of the Taito Krile figures.

Each day ends relatively early, but trust me when I say that you’re going to need the rest at the end of the night. No shame in turning in early.

Alright, that’s a lot of stuff, right? One of the biggest things I learned is take your time. There is a lot of things going on and it really helped to find a place to sit and just...take it all in. Listen to your body, eat through the day, take both mental and physical breaks. Find a place to sit and chill for a while between panels. You’ll be able to get through all of it and there’s no need to rush. Take tons of pictures, make memories and have fun.

Fun and some free things to do while in Las Vegas

Some of you might have some free time before or after FanFest to take in the city. There are plenty of fun, non-gambling activities you can do in and around the Strip. Some of them are free, some of them aren’t. But I hope this helps give some ideas of what to do.

Disclaimer: Many of this locations are inside or adjacent to casinos. You might have to walk through the gambling areas themselves. If you’re under 21, as long as you keep walking as you pass through, you won’t be stopped.

Exercise the same caution you would in any other large city. Travel with a group, keep an eye on your belongings, stay aware of your surroundings, that sort of thing. Vegas isn’t any more dangerous or safe than any other city in the US. With a healthy vigilance, you’ll be able to have fun safely.

Circus Circus Midway and Adventure Dome - Both of these are in the Circus Circus casino, but are pretty fun if you’re not into gambling. The Midway has carnival games and is near a stage where they do free circus acts.

Showcase Mall with M&M World and the Coca-Cola store - Both really neat places close to each other. This is my go-to place for souvenirs.

The Forum Shops at Caesar’s Palace - While a lot of these are high end shops, the mall and casino itself is really cool. There’s also a free show that starts on the hour starting at 11am with talking Greek god statues that’s really corny but very fun.

The Bellagio water show and botanical garden - Both of these are free and are simply incredible. The water show can be seen outside in front of the casino, times vary so check the site. The garden is inside the casino and very much worth the visit.

The Stratosphere (now called The STRAT I guess?? lol) - The tallest building this side of the Mississippi. If you’re not afraid of heights, it’s got a great view of the strip and surrounding areas. There’s also a couple of thrill rides that aren’t for the faint of heart.

There are a TON more things to do so it’s well worth the research to find more, but these were things I’ve done before that I found to be worth the visit.

EDIT: Two good suggestions in the comments.

Aging backwards..🌅🌅

Delay the ageing process and look 10 years younger and lighter for 30 minutes a day.

Learn more...

Every day, no matter what our age or current health status, we have a very clear choice: We can grow older or we can grow younger.

I mean this quite literally.

Some people might not see aging as a choice—they see it as something they have no control over, just like the passage of time. But with the information I share in this book, I hope to convince you that you absolutely do have a choice in the age of your bones, your muscles, your internal organs, and your skin. You can decide if you want to spend your days feeling vital, energetic, and healthy, and joyfully use your body to exercise, travel, and play with your children (or grandchildren)—or if you want to be confined to a life of joint and back pain, limited mobility, and a lack of physical strength that keep you sitting on a bench and watching others do the things you once did.

The difference between these two extremes is a matter of 30 minutes a day—that’s all. You already possess the power to determine your body’s true age. The choice is yours: Passively allow the aging process to take over, or actively counter the aging process in a mere half hour a day.

Click here to learn more

Me, I like that kind of deal. I plan on staying young forever (or as close to it as I can manage!). And I hope you do, too. I can show you how.

THE MYTH OF AGING

Until very recently, medical researchers believed that many of the negative effects of aging were inevitable. As we grow old, conventional wisdom has told us, our skin sags, our muscles waste away, we gain weight, and we eventually develop a chronic disease, such as heart disease or cancer, which will kill us. (Is it any wonder we are such a youth-obsessed culture?)

But in the past few years, scientists have made tremendous discoveries that offer a different picture of what it looks like to get older. Consider these common myths about aging that have recently been disproved:

Myth: Our brains grow only until we’re in our twenties—and then they start to die.

Truth: Neuroscientists have proved that, as long as we stay mentally active, our brains can actually keep growing and adding brain cells well into our twilight years, through the miracle of “brain plasticity.” (And the most powerful booster of brain plasticity? Exercise.)

Myth: Our metabolism slows down when we hit 40.

Truth: If we do absolutely no exercise, yes, our metabolism will start to take a hit at 40. But study after study over the last 25 years has proved that people who consistently exercise three times a week can completely avoid age-related metabolic slowdown and actually retain the same metabolism as people almost 40 years younger.1–3

Myth: Our skin will inevitably age and wrinkle—our only defense is good genes.

Truth: We know now that many, many factors have an impact on the health of our skin. And, luckily, the amount of sun exposure can be countered with sunscreen. The amount of free radical activity can be countered with a fruit- and vegetable-rich diet packed with free radical–fighting antioxidants. The impact of gravity on the skin’s elasticity and firmness can be lessened with plenty of fresh water, enough deep sleep, and—you guessed it—exercise. (Recent research found just 3 months of exercising twice a week can restore the skin of 60-year-old sedentary folks to the same state as that of a 20- to 40-year-old!)4

Myth: Our muscles inevitably fade away with each passing decade.

Truth: If we don’t use it, we will lose it. But if we do use it—meaning, if we engage our muscles—we don’t need to lose a single ounce of muscle. One University of Pittsburgh study looked at a cross section of 40 recreational athletes aged 40 to 81 who exercised four or five times a week. They underwent MRI scans, body composition testing, and quadriceps strength testing; the researchers measured their muscle mass and the amount of fat under their skin and between their muscles. The researchers found that, with exercise, the athletes could retain exactly the same levels of lean muscle mass from their forties into their eighties—in fact, some of the older exercisers had even more lean muscle tissue than the younger athletes.5

Myth: Our joints are destined to fail.

Truth: Our joints fail not from age but from mismanagement. If we learn how to protect our body from intense impact (by learning to walk gently), pay attention to range of motion in our training, and learn the proper ways to support our joints with flexible muscles, our original joints—the ones we are born with!—should remain healthy until our very last days.

Myth: Everyone gets cancer/diabetes/heart disease eventually.

Truth: Up to 34 percent of cancer risk is directly attributable to lifestyle choices.6 Every kilogram of weight loss lowers your risk of type 2 diabetes by 16 percent—so losing just 10 pounds could reduce your diabetes risk by over 60 percent.7 A study in the New England Journal of Medicine estimated that 82 percent of heart disease and heart attacks in women can be attributed to factors such as smoking, not exercising, being overweight, or eating a high-glycemic-index diet.8

If these truths seem hard to believe, I’m not surprised. The dogma has long held that we are powerless against the march of time. After all, research had long found that, between the ages of 40 and 50, adults lose up to 8 percent of our muscle mass, with the loss accelerating to over 15 percent per decade after we hit 75.9 The assumption has always been that this muscle loss was simply an inevitable consequence of aging.

But just in the last five years, the field of aging research has exploded with new clinical findings. Those scientists from the University of Pittsburgh and other well-respected medical centers have been proving just how wrong the assumption that age equals muscle loss has been. They’ve found that aging is far more a consequence of lifestyle choices than of calendar years. In fact, many of the symptoms we associate with aging are actually the result of not just the wear and tear on our bodies from years of use but also the negative effects of disuse. In our muscles are the keys to our longevity—the mystical wellspring of youth, called the mitochondria—the powerhouses of the cells. If we can keep these mitochondrial fires burning, our muscles—not to mention our bones, hearts, lungs, skin—can all enjoy the vitality and energy of youth, right up until our final days.

The secret to keeping these powerhouses well fed and burning strong may surprise you. You don’t have to run marathons. (Unless you want to.) You don’t have to spend hours grunting in the gym. (Unless you’re into that kind of thing.) All you have to do is something that takes just a few minutes every day and makes your body feel lighter, leaner, smoother, more graceful, and relaxed. All you need to do is stretch.

<<<Continue reading>>>

i'm just sitting here thinking of all the travel shit i have planned for the year while listening to "old school eminem" on spotify. i gotta listen to more d12 honestly. I love planning stuff but I swear I'm getting a little tired of doing SO MUCH all the time. I say that but then when i go a few weeks without doing something kinda fun I get all miserable.

i want to try to get up to indiana early this year but i have so much other stuff i don't really want to spend money on a rental car for four days, but that's kinda silly because i just need to go see my dad (who, by the way, believes he's talking to an asian woman ((sorry, i don't know where from because I know no details)) who's going to come to america just for him. my feelings on this are so complicated because my relationship with him is so complicated. I'm sad that he's so lonely he's trying to talk to random women who might not be real online, i'm sad that his life ended three years ago when he crashed that motorcycle, but i'm angry that he fucking didn't do anything for himself once it happened. He literally just let himself rot on the couch snorting opiates instead of doing any physical therapy at all which would have helped him so immensely. maybe if he did that my sister wouldn't have to be his slave bitch every weekend, god forbid he would do anything to help anyone else if it takes a modicum of effort from him. But i love him and it hurts me that he's in so much emotional and physical pain) because I haven't seen him in so long and I only visit maybe once a year. And I can stay with my sister so my only expense is the plane ticket and the car, but I only fly southwest because I have flight anxiety (i'm working on it) and i can't bring myself to fly the "budget" airlines like spirit and frontier because i'm terrified of them being smaller and less maintained (literally not true, FAA rules and blablabla)

So maybe that for April? late march? i also don't want to go there when my fucking mother goes which she's really been trying to get me to go with her but i don't... like her. And when we spend too much time together we stop getting along. and she's being so annoying with wedding stuff for me. She's just excite which i'm okay with but she's being really fucking naggy about stuff and kinda bitchy about my ceremony timeline I have planned and stuff. Like I want to start the ceremony at 4:30 or 4:45 because the sun sets at like 5:30 on my wedding date. So if its a 10 minute ceremony then that gives us 45 minutes of light to take family photos. But she doesn't listen and she keeps fucking going on and on and on about how it's going to be daylight when the reception starts. Okay???? I truly don't give a fuck it's not that deep to me. I just want to have a nice fun wedding and get good photos. And also her ideas are so dated and ugly no offense to old ladies, she keeps coming up with decor ideas and i have to gently tell her "i don't love that" because talking with her is always like playing chess so I have to balance not hurting her feelings.

SO there's that.

Then July I have a wedding in Maryland where I'm a groomswoman so I have to buy a dress for it (no biggie, it's for my friend parny and I LOVE him I am soooo not complaining). Leifs brother and my SIL might be meeting us up there so we can all take a little getaway together so that kinda knocks out my "visit leifs brother and emily" obligation for the first half of the year even though i love visiting them and i miss them and their normalcy compared to the rest of leifs family. I'm soooooooo over his mom right now it's not even funny. She's literally my mom but full waif. She's the victim of her bad relationship with her son (leifs brother) because he just "takes everything the wrong way" like girl. If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your fucking shoe please. Anyways, July I have that.

I have to plan a bachelorette party (well, Julie does, but obviously I have a say in it) at some point, as well as do a sister trip. Another thing that I'm not complaining about. I love my sisters more than anything else in this world and I feel so fucking grateful that I've been able to spend so much time with them the last 5 years or so (but especially since the diagnoses almost two years ago, which jessica is still getting clean scans after her chemo!) So maybe I'll try to plan those two things together. Maybe we'll go to the ozarks or niagara falls. Or we'll go to nashville for that fucking green day concert because I'm so desperate to see them play the entirety of dookie and american idiot.

September we have another wedding in Rhode Island. We were originally gonna spend a full week up there looking around the area in case we want to move up to the North East but now we have a wedding to pay for ourselves so we're just gonna do a four day weekend. I'm pretty excited about that wedding too so not complaining, I'm just slightly sweaty bc my sister in law and brother in law keep talking about planning their wedding for this year in september or october and i need them to come up with a date so i know if it overlaps. ugh.

then november is our wedding!!!! yay!!!!! LEGALIZE!

that doesn't count the concert trips i want to take. I'll either drive up to atlanta to see green day or do nashville, and FOB is coming to orlando next month and i don't need to see them again but goddamnit i want to so I'm checking ticket prices every now and then

anyways I'm feeling a little stressed out. I feel like I've got so much going on but it's kinda how i thrive. so it's not a bad thing lol

also we're creeping closer to april which is when I'm supposed to get my yearly raise and I'm getting anxious as we approach it. I've done a great job in my position this year and produced a lot of good work, but I got a 7% cost of living raise in december and I'm worried they'll say that's my raise. Which isn't baaaaad but I was looking forward to getting a merit raise in april. also hoping we get a bonus again this year in april because we keep breaking records and my manager always tells us to give ourselves a big pat on the back and i'm like ayo, give me a check pls.

I feel very lucky that we're able to spend the amount of money we're spending on our wedding ON our wedding, since it's just one fucking day and it feels wasteful. Like we already own a house. It's okay. We have cars. We have no other thing we NEED to spend money or save money for right now but god damn it feels wasteful. I wish I could spend the money on this stuff and not feel guilty. And it helps that his parents and my dad are contributing and basically paying for the venue. but lawd. It's so wasteful.

January 8, 2024

A week since my last entry. Well, that’s probably healthy. Not like I haven’t been working on this, though—for that week, most of which was taken up by 2-9:30 evening shifts, I was working on the Montreal content. Wake up, write, go to work, come home, write, go to sleep, wake up, write… etc. I got sick of it and needed to step away. Now I can take steps back again.

Since yesterday have started thinking about my short story collection as a whole work, too. It is absurd, oversized and pretentious. I want to put a quote from Journey to the End of Night in as an epigraph, and it is so long that I doubt anyone would consider publishing it as a debut work. On top of that, most of the stories don’t even make conventional sense. But it’s my work, the way I want it, and that makes me happy. 

What else did I do? I did do a couple other things.

Last night, went to Bimini’s for a friends birthday, last minute. I abandoned a lamb chop and a bottle of wine, because it was his birthday and I hadn’t seen him for ages. Getting there was a trial—I hate number seven bus, I hate it passionately, and no further comment—and the experience I had with the establishment itself was lukewarm figuratively and literally, but it was good to see Alex. We went to the Woodstove Festival in Cumberland together in 2022. We set up a little table on a street corner and sold my book, gave out free coffee. A wonderful experience, that. He once did an illustration to go with a poem I got published in an online journal. It will always be good to see Alex.

Today, the weather got truly miserable. It snowed a little bit in the morning, although it did not stick. The rest of the day was simply miserably cold. I was on till at work the first half of the day, and my exterminates went numb from being so close to the door. I had been going to have salad for lunch, but I caved and got Chinese BBQ on rice because I needed to eat something hot. The rain had mostly slowed by the time I finished, and was on my way to have dinner with Aby at Nuba in Kits. It was even pleasant, if chilly, to walk from the 99 stop at MacDonald to the restaurant at Balaclava. Food was fantastic; conversation was fantastic—I was a bit sleepy, especially at first (waking up at seven after a week of evening shifts that half force you to sleep in until nine is not fun), but I perked up with tea and lamb kebab in me. Always good to see Aby.

Got home, looked at narrowboats to rent, with grandpa. The two of us are going to England and going about the canals later this year. 

Now I’m here. It’s 11:30 and I’m too tired to be writing. I have said that before: this is often when I do end up getting this done. I’ve written it for the sake of writing it. A written word is never wasted.

I have mixed feelings about all the Montreal stuff I counterfeited over the last week—it was written so long after it happened, it isn’t real in the same way this is. I can sense the difference in timbre. But I had (have) the gut feeling that it was important to get it down when it was still fresh enough that it could be counterfeited at all. I’m proud of the work. Maybe I’ll do something more with it one day. Maybe if I go to Expozine another time and have a table, I’ll self-publish it as a book—sell people a book about Expozine at Expozine, how does that sound.

I’ve written enough of it that there are no true gaps left. The last couple of days need to be fleshed out, but something is there of them. A full continuity of events, and I feel confident enough that I could come back to it and finish the work later without much important being forgotten. There’s also the entry for the 9th, when I saw Cali, that I want as sort of an epilogue. That one will probably involve more artifice. Too soon to think about it—I want to spend time with other projects for now. 

Lily Meola

Recently I was able to connect with Lily Meola for a Zoom interview to discuss her uplifting new single called “Without You.” I asked Lily about her music upbringing, how she stays motivated as an artist, how she measures success as well as her breakthrough single “Daydream,” and what next year has in store for her promising musical career. Thank you so much for your time today, Lily. I heard your new single, called “Without You,” that was recently released and I immediately gravitated towards your sound on this uplifting breakup anthem. Can you walk me through the writing process for this particular song? Well first off, thank you for having me and taking the time to chat, and being interested in the song. And yeah, the writing process on this song, it was my last day in Nashville, on a long writing trip, and I had a flight to catch. And this song for some reason just came super naturally to us. It was done in an hour and a half if I remember correctly…sometimes it just really flows. And for some reason, this day, it all came out really fast. And I was kind of inspired by the feeling of young love and how heartbreaking it can be, but also wanted to keep it light-hearted. And even though you feel those pains, it’s all just part of the journey. Those ups and downs, you got to just still appreciate the moments. Absolutely! Who’s in your “trusted circle” that you test out new music with? Is it the live audiences that you play to, or your management?  Honestly, a little bit of both of that. I’ll send it to a couple of close friends, and I’ll even test some of the songs live and see what the audience reaction is like. And then, yeah my management definitely weighs in as well. But if there’s a song that I’m really into, I don’t care what anybody else thinks. If it just feels natural to me, and I’m excited about it, then others opinions probably aren’t gonna change my mind haha. Is that sassy? No, that’s a sign of a true artist, in my opinion! But honestly, sometimes they are convincing me that other songs are better than I think they are. That’s always funny, too. So I forget their opinion. I first got word of your musical career when my son and I attended one of your concerts in Washington, DC. You opened up for Imagine Dragons on that big Capital One Arena show… Yeah, that was such a fun night! You performed cover songs like Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” which went over really well with the audience. I think people were grooving to that, as well as a lot of from your previous EP Daydream. So what was that experience like with sharing your music with such a large audience? Oh, it was so fun, honestly. One of my highlights of last year. His audience is just so into the music, and they’re there to have a good time. And it’s a wide range of audiences, from kids to adults, and everyone’s having fun. And so it was just a really, really good time. I hope one day I get to open for them again. And DC is a really cool place.  Yeah, that’s where I’m from.  Have you been there for a long time? Oh, yeah. I grew up here my whole life. I live in Silver Spring, Maryland, which is about 30 minutes on the metro to Capital One Arena. Did you guys have fun at the show?  Oh, absolutely. Yeah, my son said, “This lady can sing!” So he’s got a little bit of that sweet talent in there too, and an ear for music. He’s 12. So he could have a sassier opinion for sure. Do you have any other upcoming touring plans at this time or for the next year? I just got off a little mini tour with Steven Sanchez, which was so fun. He is just the sweetest person ever. And an unbelievable artist. His show, if you get a chance to see him, unbelievable performance. It was such a great time! I’ve really just been focusing on new music. So I’ll be spending some more time in the studio finishing up some songs. Not doing too many shows right now, but probably more soon. Yeah, that’s good that you get to hone in on your writing process right now. So what continues to keep… https://chorus.fm/features/interviews/lily-meola/

🪸DAY 17 (9/29/23)🌊

I’m online now, it’s 3:45am. Going to cam for two hours, take a break and get back on around 6:45a-7a and cam until 10a. Gonna log as I go, so let’s get it!! I’m listening to my little Monodrone and Synth-wave music, and I’m watching Boze’s 7 hour true crime marathon. There are currently 177 Ebonies online, so I think I got on at a good little time.

———

It’s 4:42a, I’ve been online for 57 minutes and I’ve made $1! Whew! It’s a hot mess, but I’ve mentioned that 2-4a was slow for me, and look what happened—wasted my time lol. I had a few people acting new or trying to get over, so I ended up making this preset message:

If they wanna act like I’m green and brand new iI’ll treat them like they are too!! ;)

——

Anyways I’m 1hr17min in, $1 in earnings. I have 5 more hours to go. I’m just shooting for $186, nothing big, hopefully I can make it, at the very least half hell!!

✨My money affirmation: Money comes to me, easily, don’t have to worry ‘bout a thing!✨

———

Alright! I have been online for 1hr 56 minutes, I have made $1.50!! Yes, I have made a McChicken lol!

I am about to take that lil' break and get back on in another hour. I will say, the 4am hour isn't the best, and I've learned (several times over) that my regulars and newbies usually come in around 5:30-6:30am-ish, so I'm gonna hold out and push through it!

Now, I did ask a customer how the site was acting to him and he said it was glitchy on his laptop, but it works perfectly on his phone, so that makes me feel better to know that I'm not trippin lol! I also heard from a regular that the privates have been lagging pretty bad, but it's been that way for years, which is why they get offline shows from me, and I get it.

I just refuse to just give up today! It's pay day, and somebody is finna bless my damn pockets THIS MORNING!!

——-

I’m still trying my best to push thru! I’ve been online for 3hr32mins. I’ve made $55 and some change. It’s been slow as hell boo, but ima keep pushin. I’m at least gonna try to make $100 out of this morning. I will get online later tonight/tomorrow, most likely during the late night. It’s strikes going on, the govt shutting down, but chile all I can do is keep pushin! On the bright side I’m home, and not spending no money to work in a club during this crisis!

I have noticed, and I think I’ve mentioned it before. When people don’t have a lot of money to spend, if any at all, THEY WILL TALK and talk and talk! I’ve noticed that this morning, a few of my regulars have been talking my fingers off. Maybe they just want a little conversation, and I’m fine with that, but I’ve noticed that the more they talk the shorter the show or the less money they end up spending. When they have it, they spend it! Just like when I used to go window shopping at the mall, seeing what I liked, looking around knowing I don’t have the funds lol. I spend a longer time looking around, than just going and buying what I want when I have the coin to spend. It’s basically the same thing! I’m fine with them testing the waters a bit and letting them get to know my personality, but for the most part, run me some coin! I’m not finna be talking too damn long now! I type a lot more than I talk, because a lot of them just want my attention and acknowledgment. So if they’re brand new I don’t talk until they tip or we go private, I just type to them, and regulars I do a little talking and more typing until they spend some money. It just saves me energy!

Anywho, it’s 9:14a, I’m getting off this mf at 10:00a, turning my air down and taking a damn nap lol!

———

Okay last 18 minutes, it's 9:42a, I made $68! Bish I been online all damn morning lol, but I'm not finna complain too much. It's been a few times where I've been online for longer and have made less. I just gotta stack it up through the day chile. I wanted to make that $100 this morning, but I need a damn break!!! Looking at my stats, I really could’ve just saved those first two hours, because I made $67 in 2 hours, my last hour online was kind of a bust too. Soooo looking at it like that, it’s not THAT bad, but still, DAMN!😂

——

Okay, I logged off at 10:10a, and I made $68 this morning. I really need to split cam, I'm actually gonna start it ASAP, because depending on one site ain't havin it for me! I’ve been splitting here and there, but bump that, I’m gonna get on a split cam schedule and stick to it. I'm grateful for the lil coin, don’t get me wrong, but sheesh lol! My ass will be back online today though, so let me shut up and go take a nap lol!

I'll ttyl, thanks for reading!! 💕

So it seems I actually used you, once. Although it's been a minute. Life update for this decade:

Diagnosed with bipolar ii, gen+soc anxiety, ADD

Soon to be 6 years clean! One small slip off the wagon, half a bean (that's speed or amphetamine for you future web archaeologists) and then I reached out to A (7 year anniversary tomorrow!) I flushed the rest (I'm so sorry for the pollution but it was the right thing for me in that moment to reduce harm ♡)

Yeah, I still get regular cravings. At least bi-weekly, still daily when I'm stressed.

I know I'm full-blown looneypants from crazy town, but I'm also starting to wonder if these disorders, more and more of which are appearing in our youth post-covid, are merely symptoms of a woefully broken social structure rather than 'disorders,' and as a "trauma survivor" (I still loathe that label. It reduces me to only what I've overcome, ignoring any outgrew aspect of what makes me, me!) or something I would have experienced in any timeline and regardless of nepotism.

Regardless which is true, our system is broken. If I couldn't consistently beg+borrow, I would still be homeless, now with 2 children and a spouse. Average rent in my area is nearly $2k/mo for a 2-bedroom attached. ODSP (Ontario disability support program) ensures that my household has 1900/mo for the 4 of us, so that basically covers necessary travel and groceries (milk is up to $12 for 4L!?), along with utilities, and leaves a few hundred for rent. I can sometimes find and do odd jobs, but generally I'm doing, how do you say.. ah -- FUCKING TERRIBLY

I'm still struggling with my depression and anxiety, and I'm worse off financially, socially, by just about any other useful and real metric since becoming sober.

That means the bad guys are winning. And the winners write the history, and apparently rewrite it a century or more later to allow and even positively frame their bigotry and hatred. Will my death even be recorded when it finally comes? Or will I be a rounded-down, modal average, "miscellaneous civilian loss by township," (or some other overly watered down by semantics, or even outright fabricated and 'verified' statistic) during what I'm terrified is becoming a more and more certain class war between the ultra wealthy 700 people who effectively control EVERY RESOURCE AND LAW ON OUR PLANET OF 8+ BILLION.

I want better than this for my children, and I feel guilt daily for forcing them to experience this world that I still don't feel like I belong in. My utopia is so far past socialism that it makes communism look like gluttony. I'll take a moment to ramble about that, even:

Imagine, if you will, a world where the only thing "yours" are internal. Your love, your relationships, your soul/energy/what-have-you, while material things from here belong to everyone living here. You step outside the group or individual residence you choose to spend last night in.

At least one person truly fucking LOVES this area, maybe it's the flora and fauna, maybe it's geophysical, maybe it's tied to something intrinsic to them, like a cherished memory. But that person will voluntarily make every effort to keep that place safe and awesome for everyone 20 of 30 days of the month, and love that they're doing that. You love symbiotic landscaping, so you take a moment to appreciate your recently planted garden before going to the first vehicle that looks like you want it for this ride. You hop in, choose between manual or automatic road+mode, and push the button ignition. Thank God (the charging station installation specialist) because everywhere you can reasonably park will charge any parked vehicle! You head to the food library and check to see who and what is available. SCORE!! There's a griller here today! Let's grab some <full of nutrients, lacking in junk, GMO BBQ> on a fresh baked bun. Even though it's the 20th time they've made this exact same sandwich today, the griller is pumped to hand you your steaming bamboo plate and a smile splits their face as you smile at just the scent of your meal. And now, you're ready to go plant some more gardens and forests!

Obviously, I could live forever further inventing this fantasy world of mine, and is got some obvious kinks and necessary disclaimers (like disability devices/vehicles, needing a quiet night while buddy in the next room needs a CPAP, etc) but if I don't come back to reality now I'm afraid I'll leave it too far behind for a bit too long and have a complete rainbow-pill meal for a while, so I'm going to instead read on someone else's fantastic creations.

Sorry this was so jumbled and semi-dissociated, I'm having a (not completely terrible, but) bad day.

On that note, 0-5 ascending scale::

Irritability: 2

Anxiety: 5

Mood: 1

Ability to direct focus: 2

Short-term to long-term memory exchange: 1

Highlights of the day:

Very nearly shed my first tear since my "i lost my daddy-father" day, december 23, 2022. I sobbed as if I would soon be dehydrated, I moaned and wailed into a pillow in the cellar (we're chez Mami aujourd'hui) and my eyes welled enough that squeezing them tightly (enough to cause shaking throughout my head+neck muscles) let one wet the pillow. It was a pink butterfly pillow, with pink and purple sequins, and a blue carapace (or the papillion equivalent)

Until/Unless I write again, goodbye.

Mechanauts’ Guild

For centuries, the pinnacle of mechanized vehicles was the apparatus of the crab, a singular device capable of exploring inhospitable environments, from the sea floor to lava-strewn volcanic fields. However, ambitious craftsmen from the Mechanauts’ Guild have drawn up designs for a new vehicle, mightier and more customizable than the old apparatus. This device is a walking tank, equipped with savage fists, scuttling legs, and climate control enhancements—a vehicle to dwarf all others, a true feat of engineering.

MECHANAUT'S APPARATUS At 3rd level, you complete the frame of a Mechanaut’s Apparatus, with ample room for upgrades and improvements. Its blueprints are based on the apparatus of the crab, but you can model your apparatus after any beast or as a humanoid figure. Apparatus Statistics. The statistics of your apparatus are given in the Mechanaut’s Apparatus stat block. The apparatus’s Armor Class is based on your Intelligence modifier and its hit points are based on your craftsman level. Customizing the Apparatus. Your apparatus comes with two installed masterwork melee weapons, which you can modify with masterwork properties or replace with different melee weapons when you finish a long rest. Your apparatus is always proficient with its installed weapons, and can use masterwork weapons with Master and Legendary properties. Repairing the Apparatus. When your apparatus drops to 0 hit points, it can’t move or act, but can be repaired. You can spend 1 minute restoring the apparatus’s ability to move at half speed, which it loses if it takes damage again before it is repaired. You can repair your apparatus at the end of a short rest by spending Hit Dice, causing it to regain hit points as if it had taken a short rest. When you finish a long rest, you can repair your apparatus, causing it to regain all its hit points. You are always considered to have enough materials to repair your apparatus. If your apparatus is lost, you can build a new one for 400 gp. Entering and Exiting the Apparatus. A creature that isn’t wearing armor can use half its movement to enter or exit the apparatus. While within the apparatus, a creature has total cover from effects originating outside of it. Only one Medium or Small creature can be in the apparatus at a time. While inside the apparatus, a creature takes half the damage the apparatus takes.

Piloting the Apparatus. Your apparatus acts on your turn, though it doesn’t take actions unless you are piloting it. Any creature inside the apparatus can command it to move (no action required), but only you can use your action to pilot the apparatus, commanding it to take the Attack, Dash, Disengage, or Dodge action. When you command the apparatus to take the Attack action, the apparatus makes the same number of attacks you would make using the Attack action, and uses your Dexterity or Intelligence modifier (your choice) for its attack and damage rolls, as if you were making the attack. While you are outside the apparatus, you can command the apparatus to wait or follow you. While following, it moves on its turn to remain within 30 feet of you.

COCKPIT UPGRADE At 3rd level, you can customize your apparatus by upgrading its piloting compartment. Choose one of the following upgrades: Comfortable Amenities. The interior of the apparatus is particularly cozy, perhaps even including a warm blanket and pillow. You can sleep while within the apparatus without ill effect. Ejector Seat. This apparatus comes equipped with an emergency ejection system, allowing for quick escape. Exiting this apparatus costs no movement. Loudspeaker. The apparatus comes equipped with a system that magnifies your voice up to three times as loud as normal.

LIMB UPGRADE By 7th level, you have redesigned your apparatus’s legs to achieve better mobility. Choose one of the following upgrades: Arachnotron Legs. The apparatus can move up, down, and across vertical surfaces and ceilings, and it gains a climbing speed equal to its walking speed. Heavy Suspension. The apparatus’s jump distance triples, and it takes no damage from falling a distance of less than 100 feet. Telescopic Frame. While no one is inside the apparatus, you can use your bonus action to command it to collapse down to Medium size or return to Large size. While collapsed in this way, the apparatus can’t be entered.

PASSENGER SEAT Starting at 10th level, you have installed a second seat inside the cockpit. A creature can’t pilot the apparatus or command it to move from this second seat, but the creature does benefit from total cover from outside effects and take half the damage taken by the apparatus.

ATTACHMENT UPGRADE Beginning at 14th level, you have installed an external attachment to your apparatus. Choose one of the upgrades below. Once you use the installed upgrade, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again. Abjuration Generator. You have installed a magical shield generator on the outside of your apparatus. You can activate it as a bonus action, granting your apparatus temporary hit points equal to your craftsman level.

Flak Cannon. On the front of your apparatus, you have installed a single-shot shrapnel cannon, which you can use your action to fire at a creature you can see within 120 feet of you. The target must make a Dexterity saving throw against your Masterwork save DC, taking 6d6 slashing damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. Rocket Engine. You can use your bonus action to light the apparatus’s installed rocket engine, propelling you up to 30 feet in a straight line in any direction you choose. If you make a melee attack immediately after this movement, the attack is made with advantage. On a hit, this attack knocks the target prone or pushes it up to 10 feet away from you (your choice).

LEGENDARY PROPERTY At 18th level, you achieve the peak of your craft. You learn the following Legendary masterwork property, which you can immediately apply to a masterwork weapon: PNEUMATIC Legendary weapon property Components: Masterwork exotic melee weapon If this weapon is installed in a mechanaut’s apparatus and it deals more than one die of damage on a hit, whenever you roll damage, you can maximize one of the weapon’s damage dice instead of rolling it.