#it starts off rough cause im kind of just rambling about my ideas then the more i go the more it just turns into a fic
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zl fic idea
hii everyone i wrote something yesterday about an au idea i had for zolu and. i thought i'd share it here since its a bit too messy and disjointed in places to post on like. ao3 or something.
4.7k words, warning for temporary major character death but do not worry all will be fixed in due time. i'll put the rest under the cut
ok i have an idea for an au thats like kind of reincarnation but like reality displacement but like. okay just listen.
so we start at laughtale. its a couple years into the future from where we are in canon the strawhats are achieving their dreams luffy is about to find the one piece theres a big battle happening between them and the blackbeard pirates and whoever the fuck else is there idc. the rest of the strawhats are fighting the bb crew while luffy and zoro head off to find the one piece and also end up fighting black beard himself. luffy and zoro atp r like basically a thing but they never talk about it cuz theyre luffy and zoro and they kind of just exist with each other but like. theyre basically in love and everyone knows it. anyway they go off together luffy has the one piece almost in his grasp blackbeard attacks they fight its a big battle blood is shed bones are broken uumm in my mind luffy and zoro are like teaming up against bb bc his devil fruit is lowk broken and op and like ok theres gear5 too but i didnt rly consider that so lets just assume bb’s devil fruit can negate gear5 somehow or luffy exhausts it before bb is fully defeated.
finally theyre able to knock bb down and hes out and theyre both tired and worn but they DID IT and the one piece is luffys and theyre facing each other grinning ear to ear and zoros saying “you ready, king of the pirates?” and luffy laughs and goes “not just yet zoro, i still gotta-“ and then theres a spear piercing right through his chest. and in the next moment its gone.
theres a gaping hole through his captain and theres blood, theres so much blood and luffy’s still smiling like he hasnt realized it yet, like it hasnt even registered. zoros ears are ringing and he doesnt know what to make of whats hes seeing because its just not real, it CANT be.
he looks over luffy’s shoulder and blackbeard is on the ground with his hand outstretched , black energy coiling back into his form and he’s laughing and laughing with bloodstained teeth. hes fucking laughing. one moment zoro is still standing parallel to luffy and the next hes in front of blackbeard and the mans head is rolling through the dirt and gravel, wado dripping crimson, a terrible gap toothed grin still stretching the man’s cheeks.
zoro is breathing heavy, hes trembling and hes almost mesmerized by the blood pooling around a lacerated neck— then he’s remembering luffy and turning around and calling his name and he can see right through him theres a HOLE right through him and he chokes and stumbles and rushes to his side right as luffy starts to crumple to the floor . catches him and lowers him gently and doesnt know what to say.
hes still shaking but cant move his mouth and everything is muffled, the sounds from the battle outside are distant and they dont matter but what does he do. what does he do.
he snaps out of it when luffy gently calls his name. a strong “zoro,” like hes not fazed at all. like there isnt blood soaking into zoros clothes.
his brain kickstarts and he’s speaking. saying things like “youre ok you’ll be ok” and “choppers right outside i’ll just call him and he’ll fix you right up” and “you always bounce back, right captain?” and hes thinking “dont die please dont fucking die. not now, not when we’re this close please dont fucking die” and hes silently praying to all the gods he doesnt believe in but luffy calls his name again and his mouth clicks shut. luffys saying it’ll be fine, that he had fun. that hes proud to have made it this far with all of them. and those sound a lot like parting words so zoro’s shaking his head no but luffy is still smiling. hes saying that hes glad he had zoro, that he made him happy. hes saying to tell everyone he’s glad they met, that hes glad they all had each other, that he knows theyll be just fine .
zoro wants to say that luffy should tell that to them himself, when hes wrapped up and recovering and alive but his mouth is glued shut again and he feels that interrupting luffy now would be cursing him to death, like his words are the only thing keeping him tethered here, he just needs to get him to keep talking to stay awake.
he tries to smile but it comes out ugly and wrong and he feels his lip wobble so he drops it. he settles on rubbing his thumb on luffys shoulder. something to keep him here.
so he rubs and luffy talks little things until he cant anymore. until his eyes grow dull and his skin loses its warmth and still zoro rubs and he rubs.
—
thats how law finds them. zoro hunched over a body that should never be as still as it is. and its really no surprise hes there, hes been gunning for the one piece since the time he could captain a ship (or a submarine) but it all feels so wrong.
zoro either doesnt notice him or doesnt care, but either way the man doesnt acknowledge law until he’s right behind him. its not like law can say anything to announce himself either, not after seeing the state of the body that zoros currently holding. the body that used to be luffy’s. hes still processing it all when the other man(the one whos alive) finally speaks.
zoro asks if hes got a devil fruit. less of a question and more of a statement, but he should know anyway since theyve spent considerable time together and hes literally seen him use it. law cant unstick his jaw so he hums in affirmation. “and you can switch stuffs’ places?” another hum. “what about time.”
that makes law pause. “what?” his voice comes out stronger than he feels.
“what about time? can you switch things in time?” by this point law has awakened his devil fruit or some shit dont sweat the logistics but hes never tried anything of that sort so he kind of stumbles “im not- maybe? ive never attempted-“ zoro interrupts “send me back”
“what?”
“send me back so i can fix this. you can do that, right.” it clicks. law would pity zoro if he didnt know any better, instead he just feels mounting despair and resignation.
he may not be crew, but he knew luffy too, he was allied with the man for fucks sake, and this just feels- wrong. he sighs, a tired, heavy thing.
“what about your crew?” its useless. zoros as stubborn as his captain, with arguably a handful more screws loose. “it wont matter. they’ll never know because i’ll make sure this doesnt happen.” he still hasnt turned around. law doesnt know what expression hes making and hes sure he never wants to find out.
hes ready to deny it, cut his losses and head for the one piece himself (hes not heartless, but if he stands here any longer and has to look at. well. he think he might never be able to move again) but then he really thinks about it. could he? would it even be possible? surely this isnt the way things were supposed to go, surely this isnt right. luffys never been one who was supposed to die just like that, like this, law knows that much. he thinks hes going to regret this, but he counts it as one last thank you for everything luffy did for him.
youre gonna owe me big time strawhat-ya. if i even remember this, that is.
he puffs a breath “i can try. i cant- promise anything but. i think we both know this,” he makes a vague, weak gesture, “isnt right.”
zoro doesnt say anything, law didnt expect him to. he just bows his head slightly and law takes that as the acknowledgment it is.
he brings his hand up, “dont do anything stupid, zoro-ya. or, at least, make it stupid enough to bring him back.”
he positions his fingers in way so familiar, but the weight of it now is nearly unbearable.
room.
shambles
—
zoro’s world shatters, differently than before, and then theres nothing.
—
he wakes up in bed, bleary eyed and a pounding headache assaulting his senses. his alarm clock is going off which only adds to the drumbeat against his eyes. he grumbles and whacks around aimlessly to shut it off. the silence lasts a moment before his eyes fly open and he jolts up, sheets pooling around his waist. luffy. where was he? where was zoro? did the crew find him and take him back to the ship? did law fail? but this didnt look like chopper’s office.
he looks around to find hes in a room hes never seen before in his life, yet he instinctively knows is his. it all feels so wrong, like he doesnt belong in his own skin. he scratches lightly at his arm. he needs to go to work.
work?
what the fuck is happening.
its like his mind is at war with itself, one truth trying to dominate over the other. he trained at sensei’s dojo. he aged out of foster care. he was a swordsman, he was the first mate of the strawhat pirates. he didnt go to college, hes working construction. he made a promise, and kuina died. kuina…died. huh. his captain, his luffy, someone he knew so intimately and who knew him in turn. hes never met someone with that name his entire life. he needs to go to work, he needs to find his crew.
he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening.
without his permission his legs stand him right up and he moves confusedly, surely, to the bathroom he didnt know he had. his reflection stares back at him in the mirror and its him, of course it is, he doesnt know why he expected someone else, but hes also…different. he has both function of his eyes, first of all. a scar in the same place as before but its light and healed over and doesnt seem to have blinded him like it once did. his hair is green, sure, but black roots peek out from underneath the familiar shade. hes grown stubble, he should shave. he needs to go to work.
hes so confused, but his body moves like its been doing this its whole life. as far as zoro knows, it has.
he continues getting ready, mind still at odds, and makes himself a cup of coffee (in his own kitchen. his own kitchen? the state of it leaves less to be desired. sanji would surely skin him alive) before tucking into his shoes, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading out the door. he seems to live in a single room apartment, and a crummy one at that. his legs move him faster, he has to go to work, he cant be late again (again?).
his car is parked outside the building, he has no fucking clue what it is but he unlocks it all the same and settles in. he feels like he shouldnt be operating this sort of machinery. franky would know better than him how it must work. he starts it up and backs out. trusting his gut to get him where he needs to be. he should be more concerned, he should be frantic and inconsolable, his captain was dead in his arms and now hes? what? going to lay some bricks or some shit? but he finds that part of him dulled in favor of following whatever mundanity this body is pushing him towards.
uumm whatever whatever he arrives at work eventually i dont know how construction jobs work are there offices or something. idc thats not the point. johnny and yosaku are there and zoro is surprised to see them since, as far as he knows, the last time they were with each other was at arlong park which was years ago for him. but the two greet him like this is a daily occurence, like theyve been working together for years. and zoro thinks, knows, they must have. but this is good, this is great fucking news actually because until now theres been no confirmation if zoro was here alone (wherever “here” is) but now his proof is right in front of him because if johnny and yosaku are here, and they exist the same as from before, then that must mean everyone else is here too right? he clings onto this hope with both hands trembling.
nami, usopp, the cook and chopper and robin and franky, brook, jinbe and fuck. fuck, luffy. theyve got to be here somewhere, zoro just has to find them. hes not sure if they remember things like he does but hes got to try because they are his as much as he has always been theirs and they should all exist together as it has always been.
so then yeah he finishes his shift because its what hes ‘supposed’ to do but he doesnt go home. he drives around aimlessly before pulling into a random lot and pulling out his phone (theres no snail attached to it. weird.) he doesnt even know where to begin. hes not usually the one coming up with plans, he just goes where theres blood need to be shed. but no one seems to be in any danger here except for maybe himself, and its not like he has his swords anyway- shit. fuck did he still have wado? he must have right? he knows there was a kuina that existed here too, he knows because he remembers. and she, well she wasnt around anymore so he must have wado. he must. with shaking fingers he pushes that aside for now, though barely. he needs to find luffy, but he wouldnt even know where to start. luffy could probably find the rest of their crew by simply wandering around and happening upon them, thats how he did it before. but zoro has no idea where he’d be, he doesnt even know where he is. nami or robin would be a good bet to at least form a plan, but he wouldnt know how to find them either.
is there even a coco village here? would robin still be part of baroque works? he needs someone who has a defined location that he could google or something (what the hell is google?). usopp would be at syrup village right? shit. is there even a drum island? these are all too broad, he needs something specific. specific…..a place with an identifiable name, somewhere smaller that would be easier to stake out…
a lightbulb goes off.
fucking shit he thinks. of course. of fucking course it would come down to the cook.
he types in “baratie” to his maps and a location pops up, just 27 minutes from where he is now. he hasnt eaten yet either, so he figures thats killing two birds with one stone. he taps the address, backs out of the lot and drives.
(if it takes him nearly an hour to get there thats nobodys business but his own)
he pulls up to the building about a quarter after 7. it seems packed enough already, but if memory serves him right then that was just par for the course for baratie. he parks, gets out and locks his car, then shoves his hands in his pocket and resigns himself to another oncoming migraine hes sure to get upon interacting with the man hes certain is waiting somewhere inside.
the tables are full, the host tells him, he slips a 20 from his wallet and suddenly (of course) theyre more than willing to serve him.
he gets settled in a far and somewhat isolated booth and a waiter comes up to him, but he cuts the man off as hes introducing himself and says “you got a blonde working here? stupid ass side part with a weird eyebrow? goes by sanji” the waiter looks shocked and put off by his rudeness but quickly collects himself and says “we might. depends on whos asking” zoro snorts “just tell him hes got someone who wants to talk to him,” he cringes at this next part, tries to smile but knows it comes off as a sneer. hes not sure if he still has conquerors haki wherever he happens to be now, but he tries to channel that energy the same way he would if he were in battle and says “tell him im a fan.” the waiters eyes widen, in fear or surprise zoros not sure (most likely a mix of both) before he nods and scurries across the floor, weaving in between patrons and coworkers alike until he disappears behind the double doors to the kitchen.
zoro sits with his arms crossed and skims through the menu out of boredom and impatience. its a couple minutes before he sees a familiar head of blonde hair emerge from across the way. a smile climbs onto his face despite himself. sure, the guy annoyed him to hell and back and their…friendship (if you could really call it that) was a tumultuous one, but it was good to see someone familiar nonetheless. he schools his expression before the blonde can spot him. a few moments pass before hes standing right in front of zoro, his stupid suit primped and pressed as always, and a cautious look on his face.
“you asked for me?” his tone is the one he only reserves for men who he deems not worth his time. zoro grits his teeth but says “yeah, theres something ive gotta discuss with you.”
hes never been one for tact, forever blunt unlike his swords.
sanji quirks a brow “i dont plan on talking about anything with anyone unless theyre a paying customer” zoro feels his eyebrow twitch but grabs his menu nonetheless and points to a random item without looking “i’ll have this then, and whatever booze you got.” sanji leans in to see what hes pointing to before his one visible eye widens and a grin slowly overtakes his previously unaffected face.
he speaks condescendingly. “wonderful choice sir, coming right up.” before zoro can get another word in he grabs the menu out of his hand, spins on his heel, and marches back to the kitchen.
zoro clenches his fists and does his best not to grind his teeth into a fine dust. no matter where they are or what displacement in time the fucking curly brow never fails to be absolutely insufferable. at least this way though, zoro knows its him for real.
its another 20 minutes before the shit cook reemerges from the back with a platter and a mug in his hand. he steps up to zoros table and places the plate and cup down in front of him with a smug look. zoro has no idea what the fuck hes looking at on his plate. he doesnt have time to question it before sanji plops down in the booth seat across from him, disregarding all previous faux-professionale and asking “so what do you want” zoro tears his eyes away from his plate and looks into sanji’s, trying to convey as much emotion, as much urgency as he possibly can.
“luffy needs us. and we have to find him” whatever the cook was expecting him to say, it definitely wasnt that. the other man regards him more warily now, looking him up and down with a tense frown before replying “i dont know what the hell youre talking about. and i dont appreciate being mocked or having my time wasted” he goes to stand up but zoro grabs his wrist, yanking him back down unceremoniously.
he blinks before rounding back on zoro, flaring his nostrils in a way zoro knows means hes about to get himself in deep shit “oi, what the fuck do you think youre-“ he doesnt let him finish “im not mocking you. this isnt some stupid prank or whatever youre thinking. and despite how much i would enjoy punching your teeth in right now im not looking for a fight either.”
the cook still looks affronted but seems to actually be listening. zoro continues “look, i dont know what the fuck is going on. i was at laughtale with you and the others, with luffy, and then i woke up and now im here and i dont know how but this is all wrong. its all wrong but i need to find luffy and fuck, i cant do it alone. i need your help to find him. find everyone.” the blondes eye is wide, but he blinks and its gone. he looks more tired than zoro has ever seen him
“im not paid enough for this shit. i dont know why i even-“ he looks like hes getting ready to leave again but zoro is desperate at this point so he blurts out whatever he thinks will convince the other man hes not bullshitting.
“we met you here, at the baratie. me and nami and usopp and luffy. luffy busted through one of your walls so your old man punished him by making him wash dishes. i dont, i dont know what luffy said to you, or how he convinced you to join us, but he changed your life like he did mine. we sailed together, and we had each others backs no matter how much we got on each others nerves. you were our cook. i was our swordsman. luffy was our captain and youd do anything to help him, i know you would, same as me. youre a pervert and an asshole and a damn annoyance, but youre strong. i could still kick your ass though” if the cook’s eyebrow could go any higher hes sure itd be clear off his forehead by now.
“and you- your dream. you wanted to find the all blue.” he stalls there, engine sputtering. zoro doesnt know what else to say, so he snaps his mouth shut.
the blonde is still gaping at him like a fish, but he mouths the phrase “all blue” like hes been searching for it his whole life, like he always knew but just never had the words.
he blinks.
then he blinks again, rapidly. there are tears pooling in his eyes. his mouth flaps for a moment before he seems to finally be able to push out words.
“you- zoro?” he sounds small. he sounds hopeful. zoro grins.
“yeah, yeah its me.” sanji stares at him a moment, then looks around, as if hes seeing everything with clear eyes for the very first time. zoro figures he might as well be.
“holy shit. holy shit.”
zoro laughs, a rough thing. theres a ball in his throat that he cant seem to dislodge. “nice to have you back, curly brow” sanji’s gaze snaps back to him before he scowls and tries wiping away the tears that are now streaking down his cheeks. its useless though, it seems they cant stop. zoro laughs again at the sorry state of the asshole in front of him, this time more full and genuine. he feels so relieved he doesnt know what to do with himself.
“yeah yeah, whatever dick head.” sanji grumbles. zoro quiets down, glances away, lets him have his moment. “fuck, mosshead, im still on the clock and you unload all this on me? how the hell am i supposed to finish the rest of my shift?” his words are sharp but he doesnt sound angry at all. in fact, when zoro turns back to look, hes smiling.
“you remember now though, dont you?” he has to be sure.
“what does it look like, dumbass? think im tearin’ up cuz of pollen or some shit?” the cook rolls his eye. theyre both silent for a moment, trapped in their own heads, before he speaks up again. “so, what now?” zoro doesnt even have to think before he answers “we find everyone else, obviously.” “well no shit, but how?” zoro glances to the side. “i was hoping youd figure that out” sanji stares before bursting out laughing. zoro scowls and hunches into his shoulders.
“of course!” sanji cackles “of course your dumbass wouldnt know what to do! you probably just typed in the most recognizable place you could remember and hoped one of us would be there!” zoro doesn’t answer, because yes thats what he fucking did, but it worked didnt it? he doesnt see whats so funny.
“fuck you.”
he wants nothing more than to bash that smarmy mouth in, but the familiar egging settles something in his soul. sanji gasps a few breaths before calming down, now wiping tears from his eyes for a completely different reason.
“alright alright, well lets figure this out then, yeah? we figure out how we got here then we can figure out how to get back right? simple enough”
zoro nods, “law was-“ he stops. remembers dull eyes and clammy skin and wrong wrong wrong. he shakes his head, “no, no we cant” sanji looks at him confused.
“we cant go back,” zoro presses, “not until i fix things. i promised i would” the other man seems to pick up on his panic and his mood dampens, becomes more serious. ��promised what?”
zoros never been one to sugarcoat, but now he wishes he could find a way to soften the blow hes about to deal. he inhales, pushes the breath out. says, “luffy died, sanji.” the fact the hes actually using the other mans name seems to fly right over his head in favor of the first part. “what?” zoro huffs, is he really gonna make him say it again? “luffy di-“ sanji interrupts, angry now, fists clenched and whitened from the pressure “i heard what you said. but what do you mean.”
he doesnt want to have to tell sanji what happened, doesnt want to talk about it at all, wants to slice it up into small enough pieces that it very well may have never existed.
he told law the others wouldn't have to know, that he would make sure of it, but he's realizing now just how unrealistic that is. as much faith as zoro places in his own abilities, he's aware he's only one man.
and, he figures, if there's anyone i can trust enough to share a burden heavy as this with, might as well be the one who's strength i'd count on just as much as my own.
sanji cant help if he doesnt know what went down once they got separated at laughtale, so zoro sets his shoulders, clenches his fists, prepares himself like hes riding into a battle he knows he has no chance of winning—hes the first mate for fucks sake—and resigns himself to filling the other man in on every horrible detail
by the end, the cook looks much the same as zoro feels, pale-faced and shaky. he runs a trembling hand through his hair and clenches his eye shut. “fuck mosshead, thats…” he doesnt bother finishing, and zoro stays silent—already knowing just how much of a shitty situation it is that theyve found themselves in.
—
(btw the reason sanji was so smug about what zoro randomly chose on the menu is bc its one of their most expensive dishes. even upon regaining his memories he still makes zoro pay it cuz hes an asshole like that. business is business 😁)
uuummm i dont feel like detailing the rest basically my idea is that they work together to try and track down all the members as well as law, since hes also a part of this. i dont know how or when or in what order but i do know finding luffy would come last. so yes its zolu but for a majority of it more in spirit than anything. maybe i can throw in some luffy pov of him living with ace and sabo . he knows something is off but cant place his finger on what. he knows something is missing but hes got his brothers with him so what else could he possibly need? etc etc. you get the idea
#devil fruits don't work like this but don't sweat the logistics. just read with your heart not your head#it starts off rough cause im kind of just rambling about my ideas then the more i go the more it just turns into a fic#let me know your thoughts in the comments or my inbox or whatever i love discussing stuff hehe!!#as you all know im an artist first and foremost but sometimes my ideas get a bit too big for my current drawing skills so i write them down#so heres that#one piece#zolu#theres no guarantee i'll ever like. srsly continue this but i rly rly like it as a concept im invested LOL#and i have a few ideas on how the rest of the crew would be found that ive discussed w friends#so perhaps if i find motivation and can outline. an actual plot progression and clean up this first part...#well who knows... XD#also im not a zs truther in fact my insta followers r well aware of my. certain feeling on the ship#HOWEEVVEERRR i do think zoro and sanji have such an interesting unique and important dynamic/relationship#that i enjoy studying outside of a romantic lens#anyway ive spoken enough . pls enjoy! or dont thats fine as well
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im not feeling the best right now emotionally so i am here presenting you with a free space to ramble about whatever you want because your writing genuinely cheers me up so much
Hello darling!! I’m sorry you’re in a rough mindset, sending all the good feelings and well wishes your way 😘💕✨💗⭐️💕😊✨💗
So, I’ve been thinking a lot about that most recent, how would a proposal/wedding happen in the domestic au? prompt.
It’s so funny, I’d never really thought about a domestic au wedding until I got the ask, but now that the question was put forward, I’m finding that I have a lot of thoughts about it (because of course I do lol.)
I’m not sure yet if this will end up being a whole thing like the holiday fic did, but I definitely have a solid idea for a single moment/one shot that I’m excited about—hoping to get that finished in the next few days!
Here’s a sneak peek at what I have so far! Most of it is stuff you’ve seen before in that original ask but more polished, but there’s some new stuff in there too.... ☺️😉
00000
“So, when are you gonna get married?” Tony asks apropos of nothing, looking between him and Davey with keen interest.
Jack barely manages to keep from choking on his cereal. Davey, who’d been in the middle of spreading a bit of lox on a bagel, slowly sets down his knife.
Charlie aims a kick at Tony under the table.
“You’re asking them now?” he hisses. “I thought we were gonna ease them into the idea!”
“There is no easing them into the idea when it comes to Jack and Davey,” Tony says, his expression tight with the exasperation of the long suffering. “You gotta give it to ‘em straight, right from the get go, ‘cause they’ll never figure it out on their own.”
“Hey,” Jack says weakly, but he doesn’t have a leg to stand on and they all know it.
“So, I’m asking,” Tony determinedly continues as if Jack hadn’t said anything. “When are you gettin’ married?”
There’s a long pause where he and Davey just stare at each other, neither of them quite sure how to respond.
He gets this from you, Davey’s expression says, clear as day.
I know he does, Jack says with a commiserating look, holding back a sigh.
“Well?” Tony demands when the silence stretches on for too long.
“It’s probably a little soon to be thinking about marriage,” Davey eventually says, far more delicately than Jack would’ve managed. “We haven’t talked about it at all yet—”
“Because we only just got together yesterday, Tony,” Jack dryly interjects. “In case you forgot about that little detail.”
“—And we should probably start with the question of if we want to get married before we jump to the when,” Davey concludes.
Tony’s nose scrunches up, obviously dissatisfied with this answer.
“Of course you’re gonna get married,” he says, as if this is plainly obvious. “You’re basically married already, I just wanna know when the wedding’s gonna be.”
“Um.” Davey’s gone faintly pink. “Well, like I said, Jack and I haven’t talked about anything like that yet. We’re comfortable the way we are now, no need to rush into anything—”
“And since we literally only just got together yesterday,” Jack says again, a little more emphatically, just to make sure the point lands, “getting married right off the bat would be all kinds of crazy.”
Tony levels him with the flattest look in all of existence. “You’re crazy if you think you haven’t already been married to Davey for years.”
Jack’s voice catches in his throat, a little blindsided by the truth of that statement. Davey’s mouth opens and closes, the rosy flush of his cheeks shading a touch deeper.
“We’re not thinking about gettin’ married just yet,” Jack says once he’s steadied himself, in a tone that brooks no further arguments. “Dave and I will talk about it when the time comes, if,” he stresses clearly, “we decide that’s what we want.”
“But what, exactly, is holding you back?” Tony asks, stubbornly brooking further arguments anyway. “Like, do you have any actual reasons?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s none of your business,” Jack snipes back. “Given that that’ll be a conversation between me and Davey.”
“I just don’t understand what the big deal is,” Tony says, crossing his arms across his chest. “Pretty much nothing would change, except that the next time someone assumes that you two are married, they’d actually be right instead of simply noticing what was so obvious that even complete strangers clue in to it—”
“Tony,” Jack groans.
“—coming to the perfectly understandable conclusion that you’re together—”
“Tony, that’s enough, we get it,” Jack says.
“—instead of the inexplicable reality of the situation which was that you were, in fact, not together, despite being in love with each other for eight entire years because you’re idiots—”
Jack covers his face with his hands.
“—and given that, like, every aspect of your lives are already tangled together, it’s not really that big of a step for you to just go ahead and make it official.”
Jack sighs so hard he feels it in his bones. “If we promise to talk about this, will you please stop talking about it?”
“Eight years, Jack!” Tony cries, impassioned. “That’s half of my life! That’s more than half of Charlie’s life!”
“Do not bring me into this,” Charlie quickly interjects, “I am a passive witness and nothing more.”
“You’re such a fucking turncoat, Choo-choo,” Tony mutters with no real heat. “You’re supposed to have my back on this.”
“Maybe if you could ever actually stick to a plan,” Charlie grumbles back.
“We’ll talk about it,” Jack says loudly, interrupting their bickering before it can gain any ground. “Okay?”
There’s a moment of blessed silence.
Then Tony says, “So, like, right now? Or…?”
“Sure!” Jack says, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Why not? Clearly, I’m not gonna get any fucking peace until this is sorted—
“Finally!” Tony exclaims. “God, was that so hard?”
“—so go away,” Jack finishes.
Tony’s mouth falls open.
“What do you mean, go away?” he protests, looking genuinely shocked. “Why?”
“What do you mean, why? I’m not gonna let you sit here and fucking… moderate our conversation, dumbass,” Jack sputters. “Get out!”
“But I really feel like this is the kinda conversation that needs moderating,” Tony disagrees. “It’s not like either of you have a great track record for effective communication—”
“Anthony Ethan Higgins,” Jack warns, nearly at the end of his rope.
Tony rolls his eyes so hard his whole body moves with the motion. “I am literally just trying to help, you don’t gotta get all defensive about it—”
“Jesus Christ, Tony,” Jack says, completely and utterly done. “Will you please just— Just go somewhere that isn’t here.”
“But are you gonna talk about it?” Tony insists, really digging in his heels. “Because if you’re just gonna not talk about it the second I leave then I think I should—”
“Tonio, juro por Dios—”
“Tony, honey,” Davey finally steps back into the fray, far calmer than he has any right to be, and somehow, miraculously, Tony’s mullish expression softens into something a little chagrined. Jack gapes, wrong-footed by the sudden change. “I think you’ve made your point and given Jack more than enough heart attacks for one morning, yeah? So why don’t you go ahead and give us a few minutes, and I promise we’ll talk about it.”
Tony deflates. “Yeah, okay.”
“Thank you, baby.”
Tony shuffles away, mollified for now. Davey pauses, then says, “Charlie, that means you too.”
“But I didn’t do anything!” Charlie protests. “I’m just sittin’ here, tryin’ to eat.”
He takes an exaggerated bite of his bagel as if to prove his point, eyes extra wide and innocent.
“Charlie.”
“But my food!”
“Take it with you,” Davey suggests, very patiently.
Charlie looks as though that thought hadn’t occurred to him.
“Okay,” he says, scooping up his plate and scurrying after his brother. He hesitates in the doorway, then adds, “My vote is for an autumn wedding, if that counts for anything.”
“Charlie.”
“Going!”
Once he’s sure they’re both gone, Jack heaves another massive sigh.
“They’re such a pair of little shits,” he says, to Davey and the world at large. “Fucking hell.”
Davey takes a drink of his coffee, holding out his other hand to Jack in offering. Jack reaches over and laces their fingers together, most of his irritation slipping away in an instant at the simple contact.
“But he is right, you know,” Davey comments lightly.
“I know he’s right,” Jack grumbles, rubbing his thumb over Davey’s knuckles. “Don’t mean he ain’t a little shit.”
“Well, naturally,” Davey agrees. “He’s related to you.”
“Oh, please,” Jack says with a snort. “That little spiel of his was all you. ‘The inexplicable reality of the situation’,” he mimics, his voice landing in some strange imitation of Tony mixed with Davey, which ends up not really sounding like either of them. “It was like hearin’ your voice comin’ outta Tony’s mouth.”
“And it was a well thought-out argument,” Davey says pertly, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a wry grin. “His timing could use some work, though.”
“Ain’t that the fucking truth,” Jack says, taking a bite of his cereal and immediately making a face—it’s gone all gross and soggy during the craziness, because of course it has. He pushes the bowl away with a mournful look. “Didn’t even let us finish breakfast before pouncing.”
“Well, it has been eight years,” Davey says, and he’s definitely laughing a little now. “Guess he’s afraid of a repeat performance.”
“Sure,” Jack says with a shrug, because that part had been hard to argue with. More than half of Charlie’s life, Jesus. “But he was talkin’ like he expected us to walk down the aisle this afternoon. I mean, we can’t just get married. You don’t just get married.”
“Most people don’t,” Davey says, tilting his head. “But then, we aren’t really most people, are we, darling?”
It takes a moment for this statement to fully land for Jack, and when it finally does, it lands with a boom.
“Are you sayin’ you’d marry me?” Jack asks, utterly floored, his heart pounding an unsteady rhythm in his chest.
“Are you asking me?” Davey asks, calmly sipping his coffee like he isn’t rocking Jack’s world, right here over breakfast, for the second time in not even two days.
#newsies#javid#*ask#*editor's note#bits & bobs#*the writing desk#the domestic au#i hope this helps a little!#😊✨💕⭐️💗✨💕
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May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz
I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.
[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]
YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖
And, the lucky person is:
⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰
Quirk: Dragon
Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.
Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.
Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.
Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)
When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.
Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.
🌱Humble Beginnings🌱
I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?
You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school
First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”
By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”
Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought
While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back
With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities
Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???
The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together
They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn
It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A.
Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you
But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:
“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine
The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass
All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day
But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself
You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested
((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))
Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you
Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)
But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier
(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)
The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards
“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”
You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected
The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts
“…Hm?”
You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet
“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”
You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger
“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”
“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”
This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)
But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you
“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”
🌳Flourishing Love🌳
The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam
He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one
You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground
It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it
You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation
Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete
Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground
“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”
Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot
You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅
You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you
And he didn’t even know your name
As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.
You guys��� friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert
Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was
He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)
Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉
As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)
And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes
It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D
Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident
You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)
Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you
He told you on your way to school the next morning:
“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”
“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”
Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that
‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’
And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan
#caravan commodities#special bindles#matchup#cutelittleriot.traveler#cutelittleriot.request#mha x reader#bnha x reader#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia x reader#mha matchup#bnha matchup#back on the grind#😊#my other choices would’ve been Mirio or Sero
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You feel, I feel
Hey guys, this is my first Harry writing, sorry if it is really shit, feel free to send me ideas for more writing, im very excited to get into this.
length: 2.7k
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Harry’s new album was coming out in less than a week and he was going crazy thinking about how his fans were going to react. “But baby what if everyone hates it?” Harry pouts at me from his spot on the bed, his eyes still puffy and his voice groggy from just waking up. “They aren’t gonna hate it H, they will love it because it comes from you and your heart” I give him a big smile through the mirror across the room. “Hmmmmp” He flops back onto our bed with a big grunt. “Maybe I would be more confident if you listened it to first…” Harry quietly says as he pokes one eye over the duvet. I spin around quickly looking at him as if he has two heads. “What?” He’s using those little puppy dog eyes and staring up at me with hope. “You really want me to listen to it?”
I can’t even begin to explain how tense I feel about his question, On one hand of course I want to listen to it, because he’s my loving boyfriend and he had already told me that there were certain songs that I had influenced. But on the other hand he had also stressed to me that certain songs have been influenced by “other people”. The second he said “other people” like that I knew exactly what he meant, and as heart breaking as it is to me that he has obviously had previous partners, I knew this day would be coming and as selfish as I am, I have been trying to put off listening to the album in fear that I would ruin it for him. I know I’m nothing compared to his pervious relationships and that’s something I need to work through and definitely not something he needs to worry about. Another reason for me avoiding the album is well, I just love him so much that even hearing him talk about his previous pains gives me pain, I can’t even begin to explain how sad it makes me to think that someone has broken his heart like that. Before we started dating we were amazingly close friends, and I cant even tell how many times I walked into his place to hear his strangled cries from shower or his angry yelling in the kitchen. I just want to cuddle him in a big blanket and shelter him from the worry and hurt.
“Of course I want you to listen to it, your opinion is one of the only ones I truly care about baby” He slowly rises from the bed and walks his way over to me, wrapping his hands around my waist and staring at me in the mirror. I try my absolute best to seem as excited as I can be, because I am excited, well for most of the songs. “I would be honoured to hear your album H” I wriggle around in his arms and kiss his lips briefly before hiding my face in his neck. I can hear his heart start beating faster as he says “Really? Thank you so much petal, I can go and get my laptop and show you now if you’re free?” With a pleading look on his face how could I possibly say no? “Yeah sounds good bub”. He runs off without another word into his office.
I try to prepare myself by focusing on my breathing and counting to 10 slowly. By the time I’m done Harry is racing back into the room with his laptop secured in his arms. He jumps onto the bed and pats the spot next to him. I carefully walk back over to my side of the bed and hesitantly get back under the covers, if I’m going to do this I’m gonna be as comfy as possible on the outside, because my insides are going to be a wreck. “You ready baby?” H looks over at me with his childlike grin and I shake my head yes “Just don’t interrupt though, I wanna hear it the whole way through”. As the intro to Golden starts I breathe in quietly and silently pray it’s not about someone else. Harry stares at me intently as I try not to focus on him right now. I close my eyes and lie down to try to distract him from my anxieties. As Golden ends and Watermelon Sugar starts I start to calm down and juts enjoy his heavenly voice as I know the next 3 songs are ones I have already heard and, from what I think I know, they aren’t based on any ex’s of his. But then Cherry starts…
This is what I was worried about. As soon as I hear her voice I know I’m screwed. My heart is going crazy in my chest and I struggle to keep my tears to myself. I slowly look over to Harry and see that he is staring up at the ceiling and I am grateful he’s not looking at me right now, cause I know he would stop the music and ask me what is wrong. So I suck it up and try to listen to the song over my rapid heartbeat. Hearing him say he misses certain things about his ex is never easy and I swallow down my insecurities and try to focus on the guitars or backing vocals, so I don’t have to listen to the words. Just when I think the gut wrenching song is over, I let out a small sigh of relief. But then her voice fills my ears again, her gorgeous accent and girly laugh flow through me like an alarm, only I can’t wake up from this nightmare because it’s happening in real life.
I look to the computer screen as I now see Harry has also closed his eyes next to me, and see the next song if Falling. If the song title is anything to go by, I think I’m in for a sad time. Harry’s phenomenal vocals distract me long enough to not really listen to the words, but I get the gist and it makes me sink further into my miserable state. I can hear Harry slightly sniffling and so I take that as an okay to silently cry myself. I get through the rest of the songs relatively easy, my heart gets a break during Sunflower Vol.6 and Treat People With Kindness, and right when I think it’s over, Fine Line comes on.
As I’m listening I slowly start to piece things together and realise that, hopefully, this one is about us. Our relationship had a rough start with mixed communication and missed opportunities, but I very clearly remember rocking him in my arms as his drunken tears covered my shoulder, and I repeated the words “We’ll be alright” until he fell asleep in my arms on his kitchen floor. I can’t help the tears flowing down my face anymore and Harry finally notices as I feel his arms pull me onto his chest and he kisses my forehead. As the song fades out I sniffle back my tears and turn to shove my arms around him in a giant bear hug. I push all my feelings aside and look him dead in the eyes as I say the one sentence I know he really wants to hear. “I am so proud of you H”
The next week Harry was super busy leading up to the release of Fine Line and, as I promised him, everyone loved it. His fans were going crazy about it and about a certain song as well, clearly I was not the only one shocked to hear her voice on Cherry. The fans quickly figured out what it translated to in English and though it was a pretty meaningless conversation it still kind of hurt that Harry kept it.
Being the loving supportive girlfriend that I was obviously I played the album around the house, mostly when Harry wasn’t around so that I could skip a few songs to save me the heart ache. But a certain night, when Harry wasn’t due home till late, I was washing the dishes whilst singing to Lights Up and I didn’t hear Harry sneak in the front door. He stood by the doorframe behind me so I couldn’t see the smug look on his face as he watches me sing and dance slightly to his song. When I heard that the song was ending I spoke up. “Alexa, skip 2 songs”. I am a little grateful that I didn’t realise Harry was there cause the look on his face would have shattered me. He slowly turns back to the door with a dejected look on his face. He re opens the front door and shuts it louder in hopes that I will hear it. I turn around with a smile on my face and call out to him. “Hey baby, I’m in the kitchen”. He walks into my line of vision and I can see he looks upset. “You okay H? Bad day?” He shrugs slightly at my question and he quietly states, “Yeah it was alright, I’ll just be in the shower”. His usual loving self is nowhere to be seen and I start to worry. He should be happy, his album is amazing and all his fans love it. So I hurried to dry my hands and race up the stairs after him.
I can hear the shower already running so I open the bathroom door quietly and stick my head in. “H baby are you alright?” I can hear him whimper gently and I waste no time in opening the shower curtain and hopping into the shower fully clothed to hold him. When I do I see he didn’t manage to get his clothes off either and it makes me seriously start to panic because Harry was always the stable one holding me usually. He cries are like daggers to my heart as I plead with him to tell me what’s wrong. “H are you alright? Are you hurt? What’s happened?” He just sobs louder and can’t even get his words out. So I just hold him tightly and slowly try to get him out of his clothes while he cries in my arms. Once I finally get both our clothes off I quickly reached down to plug the bathtub so we can have a bath, because all the crying and water is making it hard for H to breathe.
Once the tub is full, I slowly move Harry down into the water, situating him in from of me so I can wrap him in a giant bear hug. After a while his crying subsides and I ask him again quietly “Harry you wanna talk about it now?” My quiet voice startles him and he slowly lets out a big sigh as he whispers, “I knew this would happen” His voice sounds so broken I just want to take all his pain away. “Baby what are you talking about? What happened?” He gently turns around in my arms so he is facing me. “Cherry” he huffs dejectedly, my breath catches in my throat and I look at him confused. “I know I should of warned you about her being on the song and I swear I was going to I just didn’t know what to say and I know how awful it must have been to hear me sing about her and then hear her at the end and I even…” His rambling is making me confused and he’s starting to speak faster and I can barely understand him towards the end. “H” I try to cut in on his outburst but he can’t even focus on me as I see him start to crumble again. “Harry… Harry!!!” I grab ahold of his gesturing hands and get him to look at me. “It’s fine baby, it was a shock but it’s fine I promise you, it’s a great song”. He looks at me like he knows I’m lying and says, “You don’t mean that”
I go to open my mouth to rebut him but I can’t get any words out. “I heard you skip my songs when you were in the kitchen before…” The look on his face makes me hate myself; I quickly shake my head as I feel tears start to escape from my eyes. “Baby I only skip those songs because it makes my heart hurt to feel you sing with such emotion and pain. I physically can’t listen to you sing about your heartbreak because it breaks mine right back. I can’t even explain to you how mad and upset it makes me that she ever made you feel that way and I don’t ever want you, or me for that matter, to ever feel that way again because my heart can’t take it.” He slowly looks up from the bubbles in the bath to meet my tear filled eyes. “I just love you so much H that I don’t want to ever hear or see you in pain, I swear I think it’s a great song, almost too good, because it makes me feel so emotional” Before I can continue Harry cuts me off with a kiss so deep I cant even think straight. He slowly leans back and pulls me on top of him so im straddling his hips. His hands move around my waist as I grab hold of his neck. I can feel all our love in this kiss and even though both of our tears and some snot is mixed in, it’s the best kiss we have ever shared.
As I pull away, I look into Harry’s eyes and I see his smile start to come back as he kisses my forehead before I place my head onto his chest. And for that moment we just sit there in a comfortable silence and bask in out love. After a while I slowly pull myself up out of bath and with my pruned fingers I grab ahold of Harry and help him out of the tub too. We both dry off and get each other into our pyjamas. As we both get in bed we lie facing each other and I give him a small nose kiss as I say “ H, I so sorry I didn’t tell you about your song, I didn’t wanna upset you about it because its only my opinion, not every ones” Harry pulls me into his chest as he rests his head on top of mine. “I know baby it’s okay, I just love you so much that I couldn’t stand you hating my songs, I know it sounds stupid but I just adore you and your opinion is so important to me, and I know I should of told you about her but I knew it would make you upset and I promised myself I would never do that” I can feel his tears falling onto my head and I lift mine up to look at him. “I just can’t live without you petal and I couldn’t stand to see you mad at me, I’m so sorry” I kiss his tears away and then plant one on his lips before I say “I love you too much H, you could never say or do anything that would make me want to leave, and I know how pathetic that sounds but I just think you’re my soul mate and I couldn’t live without you either baby” His eyes spew more tears, this time of happiness and his grin spreads to his cute little dimples. “Just incase you were wondering Adore You and Sunflower are about you, about how happy you make me and how you make me feel.” I smile up at him with a shocked look on my face; a cheeky grin spreads across my face as I giggle to him “What? You mean Watermelon Sugar isn’t about me?” Hearing his infectious laugh warms my heart and he starts tickling my sides. “Of course its about you petal, im addicted to your taste you know that” And with that he starts sucking on my neck making me laugh as his prickly bread tickles me.
I may never be able to go back in time and un-break Harry’s heart, but I can always ensure it doesn’t happen again.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!!! LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH, IF YOU COULD PLEASE SHARE THIS OR LIKE IT, IT WOULD MEAN ALOT TO ME!!!! Don’t forget to send me ideas pleaseeeeee!! :)
#harry styles imagines#Harry Styles#harry styles writing#harry styles series#harry styles story#one direction#one direction imagines#one direction stories#fine line#imagines#niall horan imagines#fanfic#fanfiction#harry edward styles#love#songs#watermelon sugar#cherry#falling
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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation
Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.
The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.
Happy New Years, everyone!
@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius.
bro, remind me how old you are 🧍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.
I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️
@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz.
Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.
We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3
@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King.
🧍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3
And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--
@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD.
hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!
@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man.
BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.
While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe
Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️
@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind.
The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.
Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3
anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:
i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍♀️
(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)
@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.
i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL
BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.
I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3
@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.
Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao
@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™.
ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.
You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--
Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.
#for mutuals#mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO#this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks#it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess
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Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 12
Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb
- So I sort of expected it by the end of last episode but it seems like last episode was a start of an episode arc about hera's family, which, for rebel's fans I'm sure it's cool and exciting and maybe answers some questions or will actually show things discussed in rebels maybe, but as someone who hasn't seen rebels yet, I really hope this episode and the next few have more bad batch screentime, cause we were a little robbed last episode lol (but in a way I do still enjoy this stuff too, because im sure when I DO watch rebels it'll make the experience better).
-- I'm not disliking this arc or anything, but up to this point we've kind of had almost mandalorian style 'one episode one adventure' sorts of episodes, and personally I really hope we get more of that (which I think we will), because while this is all new content and everything, we all have to admit clone wars had some less interesting filler arcs here and there, and I just hope bb doesn't fall the same way (across all of its seasons, im not very concerned about it so far from what we've seen of season 1) because if there is filler, I'd rather sit through a couple of the one episode stories, rather than a 3-4 episode story that takes nearly a month to get through if im disliking it, mostly for the fact that even if we got those 1 ep fillers, its more stories and more likely I'd like at least one.
---kinda rambling about this unnecessarily atm cause while again right now I think bb is fine, I just want the future to be that way too.
- fffff every time I see howzer on screen I think of that fucking audio thats "here comes the boy, hello boy~" and honestly can you blame me he is so precious like ugh I swear dave you better be nice to him
-- YOU CAN TELL HE FEELS SO BAD AND GUILTY LIKE IT HURTS
- hey admiral can you not be MEAN to howzer when he is trying to be fucking helpful
-- ;-; BRO im saying it so much already but I feel so bad for howzer like dude someone help him
--- imo it feels like its sort of setting up howzer for something more important in the show kinda, at least for his character. Like we can clearly tell he doesn't really agree with the empire and I think they're going to do something with that. He's probably undercover for someone against the empire but I get the bad feeling they're gonna pull a Fives and have him go against the empire and help everyone else somehow but then he will probably end up dead because we cant have nice things.
- hello cross... bet you wont be saved this episode
- Ok good, some more bad batch here already.
-- ALSO GONKY BEING DEFECTIVE!!!! EVEN GONKY IS DEFECTIVE LIKE BB THATS SO CUTE!
- uh, im not the only one getting the leia transmission vibes from hera, right?
-- ok, again I haven't seen rebels so I dont know BUT if hera has the ability to talk to bb, couldn't she have done so in rebels? Yeah she's older and im sure better at fighting and defending herself and all that, but wouldn't it still be possible for her to have gotten in some kind of rough situation in Rebels to ask for bb's help again? I super doubt bb made any appearance of any kind in Rebels, so doesn't that imply that she lost communications with them? What happens to bad batch >>
- bad batch not wanting to help but because omega really wants to you can see its making hunter soften up and I appreciate it
- bruh what??? Taa is dead af, like theres no way the show is gonna pull some magic and be like 'oh yep here he is' thing??? Like this has to be a lie, but even then, what even is the plan here?? Saying "oh hes recovering" well he can't be recovering forever, how does that seem like a good plan to lie about that?? People are gonna find out??
- "Great just what we need" from Wrecker about crosshair MAKES ME ANGRY LIKE??? YES?? DONT BE MAD AT HIM ITS NOT HIS FAULT??? SAVE YOUR FUCKING BOY???
-- oooo then the rest of bb doesn't comment about it literally gsjrkgbdkfbg why do they not care about him???? Like it seems they legitimately dont care about crosshair, even though theyve been together for so long like even before the show came out they
had history together and were all really close. I know people argue "oh well its just difficult to save him and its unrealistic for them right now" but so what? Even if they aren't trying to save him they should at least CARE about him.
--- Which is also like the thing with echo and fives!!!! Like Echo didn't seem to care much at all when Rex mentioned fives even a little! Or even about seeing Rex that much!! Dave I'm gonna need some answers my guy, cause you humanized these characters but then you dont make them act that way so like whats up.
- Lucky hunters abilities came in handy
- Back to crosshair for a second im predicting they 100% arent saving him this season. There was a poster released part way through the season and he's not even on it... makes me so sad.
- "I'd do the same for you." ;-; that didnt need to get that deep
- CROSSHAIR BETTER NOT START SHIT WITH HOWZER
- Howzer helping Hera's parents or at least implying that is good but that also means im right so far and therefore worried >>
-- HES GOING TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT I BET TALKING TO THEM LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT AND HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET ITS GONNA BE CROSSHAIR THAT CATCHES HIM
--- Cham stfu its literally so obvious that howzer is trying to be genuine, also if he's kind of undercover for him like what the fuck do you expect howzer to do if he has to play along with the empire to keep his cover?? "Won't make that mistake again" Fuck off like honestly.
---- #stopbeingmeantohowzer2021
- "A little help" and the gentle "Hey" ahh love it
- I'm really enjoying this whole them fighting in the ships sequence
- "Stay here and guard the capitol" SCARES ME
-- Please for the love of god bad batch don't get howzer killed
--- or plot B Bad batch maybe run into howzer but save him and take him with you at least temporarily
---- oh god.... bb is helping heras parents escape and that means howzers gonna get in trouble.../probably replaced by crosshair
- Crosshair is smart but thats also badddd
- The scene of howzer and crosshair looking at each other is killing meeeeeeeee
- Ohhh is howzer gonna stop them before they go out the door?
-- YES HE IS SEE WHAT A GOOD BOY HE IS
- (please fucking listen to him I beg)
- Aw dude I just had a thought that breaks my heart... howzer cares about his squad and "trying to get through to them" but what if his squad is clones as well and the chips... that hurts me so badly...
-- Like we all know howzer is a sweet boy by now but ughhh like the thought that he doesnt want to leave them even though they are doing whats wrong shows just how much he cares and I really hope he doesn't get into trouble because of what he's saying to them, but you know he totally would do it because he seems to care about them so much and :( bad batch more like sad batch
--- This is the kind of compassion I wanted from bb for crosshair hunter kind of looks back at howzer as they leave him and I doubt itll mean anything but I really hope that maybe seeing how much howzer cares will make hunter care a little too...
- *sigh* howzer is getting left behind by them which we know why but yeah... now he's definitely going to be in trouble... I just hope they don't hurt him...
- OH GOD HOWZER BABY DONT
-- He's making a speech and I know he's trying to sway them but you know damn well this is gonna go so badly for him because of the chips and crosshair is watching so you know howzer is gonna get fucked here and I know what hes trying for but I really wish he didnt just do that because now its blatantly obvious he's gonna be against them ;-;
- Wow ok im kinda shocked people are siding with him (I guess cause theyre not all clones right) but I feel so bad for themmmmm
- Crosshair missed multiple shots? Uh what? I didnt think that was possible lol
- bb please come back for howzer and the others at some point....
-- I guess maybe if hera's parents are going to organize rebels against the empire maybe they will help them but I somewhat doubt it...
- Ok I know that crosshair requesting to hunt them was supposed to be this big moment and all but I
can't help but feel like its a little underwhelming (but dont get me wrong still cool vibes) because he's kind of already been doing that anyway?? Or has tried to several times?? So I don't get why its a big deal, however, I do have a possible prediction:
We know that bb got their chips removed, (crosshair doesn't, I know that) and so that eliminates the idea that they will get caught and actually go bad like crosshair, but it does leave a possibility where maybe they get captured and then *pretend* to be bad? And that could lead to a better possibility of helping crosshair (they wont) or maybe howzer and the other rebels or something? Cause I also feel like its significant that they brought up how the war will eventually come to them and bb will be a part of it no matter what eventually, and it makes obvious sense theyd be on the rebels side of it, so maybe something like that goes on, idk.
#bad batch#bad batch spoilers episode 12#I would still die for howzer honestly he just continues to prove he is the sweetest boy#tcw spoilers#jay rambles about bb#star wars#the clone wars#bad batch spoilers#the bad batch
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TMNT 2003/2k3 Headcanon: Crying - (Leonardo)
Feel free to scroll past this first part if you’re not interested in my silly rambling and nonsense. I won’t mind. Promise. ;)
Okey-dokey then, with the global epidemic that is the Coronavirus well in action and most of the world stuck in lockdown (starting this Friday for us too), felt like getting the ‘ol creative juices flowing with a little headcanon-y thingy in preparation for -possibly- more fandom writings to keep myself busy during the house arrest (well... it kinda is!) and hopefully my mind off all the bad news. :(
Also, this is totally my first one on the blog! WOOT! Please bear in mind that I’m SUPER rusty! Haven’t written in ages so there are bound to be typos and all matter of general errors scattered throughout the post. Don’t pet them! They bite!
Anyhoo~ Despite attempting to create and share with the goal in mind to uplift spirits, I decided to start on a rather upsetting subject (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! They end on happy notes ;) ) because, Imma just come and say it, I enjoy seeing my favourite characters shed tears (not for just any old reason -their personality plays a huge role in this- and CERTAINLY not for sadistic reasons, land sakes no! But... well, you’ll see~ ;) ) It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside to see them display such raw emotion and I just wanna leap into the TV screen to hug and console them. I dunno why. Maybe I’m nuts like that. (Remembers Raph crying at the farm when Leo was badly injured and wishes she could just hug them all and take away the pain) Oh well, if you enjoy visualizing the same, then *High Fives*. :)
So yeah, if you read the title, you’ll know this is based on the 2003/2k3 series (my favs). Hope you all enjoy~ :D Grab tissues cause sad turts ahead! :’(
Jibber jabber stops here~
TURTLES~
LEONARDO - You are here
RAPHAEL
DONATELLO - Coming soon
MICHELANGELO - Coming soon
WARNING(S): Because of the subject, Angst and Hurt/Comfort will be present.
RATING: G (General)
WORD COUNT: Don’t have the foggiest.
ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD:
And apparently gifs too, so without further ado: (Completely unintentional but in actuality, totally intentional rhyming)...
TO THE HEADCANONS~~~~
~LEONARDO~
-- It’s no easy feat to make the leader in blue turn on the waterworks. Leo won’t cry for any old reason. It’s not because he has no emotions, far from it, but being the leader of a small ninja clan -who happen to be family as well- is no easy task in itself: he has a lot on his young shoulders and deals with many issues on a daily basis few his age ever have to.
-- It’s because of these reasons that Leo doesn’t cry often. One of the lesser likely to out of the four brothers. But when he does, it’s an emotionally distressing sight to behold.
-- Leo tends to cry whenever those closest to him -namely his brothers, his father/master and truest friends- are severely injured or are in a dire situation. Remember his angry/moody arc? The thought of losing any of them causes him great pain and distress, especially if he were the cause of any of it, and when that happens, he can’t stop the dampness that forms around his eyes and soaks into his mask.
-- He’s not fond of crying, especially in front of others, even though he fully comprehends its normalcy. He feels he needs to be everyone’s rock, their fortress of physical and emotional stability to turn to for strength when things get rough... So when the tears start to fall, he feels he can’t show them, can’t allow them to watch him crumble under the gripling weight of helplessness and anguish.
-- He frantically wipes at his eyes and desperately attempts not to sniffle, but it’s a hopeless battle, for his tears are already a steady stream.
-- He’ll try to hide when possible, usually retreating to his room to allow the worst of the emotions to spill over before returning to the others... Though he may be in there a while: when Leo lets his emotions go, it can be just as powerful as his red-banded brother’s rage.
-- He spares no time in making sure the coast is clear for the tears are already streaming by the time he reaches his futon, and there’s no stopping them now as he lets himself drop to his knees, only halfway onto the mattress. He purposefully leaves the room unlit, cloaking his form in the darkness.
-- He sniffs a few times as he shuffles up against the wall, sitting upright against it, bringing his legs up and hugging them loosely and droops his head against a single knee pad.
-- His voice desperately wishes to escape. To express its misery. But he won’t allow it to, often placing one hand over his face in a bid to quell the sadness and remain silent in the battle against his own inner turmoil. He refuses to let anyone see him in that state of utter sorrow and vulnerability.
-- He whimpers ever so slightly and coughs a few times as breathing becomes difficult. He knows this episode won’t be over any time soon. Fortunately, he keeps some tissues next to his bed for such rare occasions and tries not to blow too loudly. He thinks back to the last time he cried so hard... It’s been a while. It felt like a build up.
-- Time has been forgotten as he’s lost in deep thought. By the time he slips a hand across his eyes, only the material of his mask is still slightly damp. He clears his nostrils a couple of times before considering whether he was ready to return to his family. He’d of course straighten up his bedding beforehand, and would also require a trip to the bathroom to wash his face. A true ninja leaves no evidence.
-- Leo tries to put the horrifying images out of head before leaving his quarters. He doesn’t wish to be weighed down again and thus maybe cause his emotions to come out a second time. He knew someone would catch on that time. Instead, he holds his head up high, focusing on the there and now to carry him forward.
BONUS EXTRA~
-- Failure is also one of his greatest foes. Leo despises it, but not in the irrational sense; he fully comprehends that in order to grow, one has to lose in order to learn and thus, succeed in turn, and while it can frustrate him when he’s unsuccessful at mastering a martial arts technique for example, he understanders it’s part of the process and that no one’s perfect.
-- It’s when his slipups could spell casualties or death to his family and/or friends is when it weighs down on him like a boulder strapped to his shell.
-- A really big one.
-- And it hurts. So much so that it causes him to become despondent and often teary-eyed when no one’s looking.
-- Boi Bloo might also cry from especially sad movie scenes. He gets seriously into the story, and when the scene is just right -perfect music, perfect timing etc.- you may just catch Fearless with watery eyes.
-- He can’t help it. After all, he’s a leader, and very caring and kind-hearted individual, so movies showing children or anyone/anything defenceless getting hurt has him not only visibly upset, but also angry at the cause. He’s a softie like that.
-- He won’t have a meltdown, of course, but the tears are definitely there. Just don’t tease him too much; he’s easily embarrassed by it. ;)
BONUS EXTRA EXTRA FEMALE READER OR S/O EDITION~ (Can also use an OC/FC insert if you wish, up to you)
You had figured something was up by the time you’d finished greeting everyone in the Splinterson household except for the Turtle you’d long to see most and he hadn’t made his presence yet known.
The idea that he must’ve been practicing or meditating swiftly vanished when Mikey told you he’d been in his room in the dark for the past few hours. “The guy hardly ever naps, and even so, never this long.” He’d told you. “I dunno, (Y/N), we were about to check on ‘im when you arrived, but maybe you should be the one to. Think he’d really appreciate it.” And there was absolutely no argument from your side as you were already making your way up to the room.
You didn’t know what to expect as you neared the doorway. Could he possibly still just be sleeping? Meditating in the dark instead of his usual spot by the training area? Or... was he sick? The latter now had you concerned and you picked up your pace... Only to pause mid step when an unmistakable sound reached your ears: a sniffle.
Had it come from within his room? It was the only logical explanation as everyone else was downstairs. You were truly perturbed now as you stood outside the doorway and called out the ‘eldest’ Turtle’s name.
There was some shuffling to be heard but you were unable to tell for sure what he was doing -probably trying to neaten up his bed- “(Y/N)? Just a second, okay?” he responded in a rather awkward verging on frantic tone, and you were certain you heard another sniffle escape him.
That, along with the way he’d replied really didn’t help to put your mind at ease. “Leo, are you alright?” Nor was the pitch blackness in which he remained concealed in.
“Yeah, just... l-looking for something.” There was some more shuffling as if to prove his point, but you were having none of it.
“Then maybe this,” you began, turning around to flick the light switch, “will help?”
“No! Wait!” But it was a split second too late for as soon the brightness illuminated the entire room, you had caught the telltale signs of an emotional meltdown in progress plastered on his face before he quickly turned away and briskly wiped an arm across his face, attempting to hide the shame... or perhaps embarrassment?
“Leo...?” your heart and voice softened, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You automatically walked to him, closing the gap he was now trying to form.
“Nothing,” he lied, and acknowledged it was a fruitless attempt but still couldn’t stop himself. Autopilot panic mode was enabled now. “It’s nothing.”
Unfortunately for him, autopilot mother hen mode was activated for you as you reached with both hands to his carapace and shoulder, gently turning him to face you. “I can see that it’s something.” Your words were gentle, and you wanted nothing more than to take away his pain. “Look at me, Honey.” His body was turned but his head remained to the side. It was clear he didn’t want his obvious distress on display, even to you. “Please, Leo?” You tried again, and slowly but surely, his eyes met yours, and you felt your heart sink further.
The fabric of his mask was wet and eyes were still red with fresh tears that threatened to fall. He appeared so broken and helpless as he stared at you, and even though he uttered no words, you could practically hear him despairingly ask “Is this what you wanted? To see me at my lowest?” from his expression alone.
Never had you witnessed the leader of this band of mutant brothers cry. At times you had wondered if he ever did, and yet here he was; the incredible pillar of strength and dignity you had come to know and adore, in tears and so dejected that you couldn’t stop your own eyes from becoming damp the more you gazed at him. “Oh, Sweety...” You whispered as you felt your soul shatter. It was too much to bear. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, one around the midsection and the other over his shoulder, and buried your face into his leathery neck, offering every ounce of comfort you could muster.
It didn’t take him long at all to sink into the embrace and return the action. Beyond the point of concerning himself with showing the pain he felt -or the wetness now soaking into your shoulder when he placed his forehead against it- he sniffed and finally allowed the tears to fall once again as fresh waves of emotion surged throughout his body.
And this time, he couldn’t keep the whimpering to himself.
“Shh~ It’s okay, it’s okay,” you soothed, lightly patting and rubbing along the scutes of his shell as he weakly sobbed, finally letting go of all the sadness that gripped him.
You weren’t even aware of what was wrong, and you most likely wouldn’t find out til later once he calmed down, but right now, he just needed you to hold him. Hold him until the hurt was gone... And so you would.
AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!
ALL THE FEELS!! I EMBARRASS!!
OMGosh, this turned into a monster! The mother of all HCs!! :O No seriously, this wasn’t meant to be this long! I was suppose to squish all four into one itty bitty little post, but then it just grew... and grew... and GREW! Personally, I blame the Reader Bonus but I’d be damned if I didn’t enjoy writing it! ;P You guys here on Tumblr got me slightly addicted to them and have wanted to attempt some myself so... Anyhoo~ I can’t really say if I’m entirely content with the whole thing, I dunno. I feel some parts are better than others (writing style-wise) but yeah, I really need to get back into the swing of things...
Speaking of which, I DO plan on adding my two cents on the other bois as well, but judging by how this one turned out, they’ll most likely all be this length, more or less, so each Turt will get his own post so I can really jot down those details with all the freedom in the world! That being said, I can’t say when they’ll be added but hopefully soon-ish. :) Raph's next on the list!
Thank you all so much for the read and hope you enjoyed~ :D
~Drag0n Mistr3ss’ Random Fandoms*
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt2003#tmnt 2003#tmnt2k3#tmnt 2k3#headcanon#headcanons#leonardo tmnt#leo tmnt#crying#it just kept on growing#tmntxreader#tmnt x reader#tmnt x oc#leo x reader#leonardoxreader#leonardo x reader#all the feels#completely shameless#angst#hurt/comfort#i like turtles#sad turts#lockdown is imminent#fluffy gooey happy ending
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ship ! chris and sienna
who throws things in a fight ?
definitely 1000% sienna. and im sure that she does.
who goes to their parent’s house for a weekend when things get bad ?
probably sienna, just because i feel like he’d be more likely to go to another home if he really needed to get out but her natural instinct is to always go back to her family’s home no matter what
who wants to have children ? who doesn’t ? if both do, how do their goals differentiate ?
i think he probably is more into the idea than she is but i don’t think it’s something that either of them are particularly interested at this point. but eventually, i think he’s the one to broach the subject but she’s definitely far too scared to even think about having kids
who is more adverse to physical contact ?
neither of them, i don’t think. they’re very very into physical contact. i think, even before they’re like together, and like back at school or what not she’d definitely like rest her head on his shoulder or things like that and so it’s just very normalized between them even before everything.
who hates/dislikes their neighbors the most ?
i feel like they’re both equally likely to get annoyed by neighbors, but she’d probably be more vocal about it.
who hates/dislikes their significant other’s family ?
they obviously don’t dislike either of their significant other’s family. but i think he’d be more likely to not like glenda then sienna would be to not like verity’s eventual s.o.
who is most likely to leave when things get rough ?
definitely sienna, which is ironic. but she’s def more scared of things ending badly and so she’d be more likely to leave before it got to the point of that being a possibility
who thinks their partner turned out a different person than they thought ?
i think probably he is more surprised by that? like i don’t think this is something they come to realize when they’re together, and was more something he realized a long time ago like when they were in school, in that she wasn’t just like his best friend’s little sister and was someone that he enjoyed being around
who is more likely to cheat ?
i think i’ve answered this before but i think she’s definitely more likely to emotionally cheat on him with sirius than either of them would be to physically cheat on each other with anyone else
who is the more experienced ( sexually or otherwise ) ?
hmmmm i think maybe him? she’s definitely only had sex with three people (him being one of them) and so i think he’s probably been with more than that, obviously. but i think they’re both pretty comfortable with their own history and experience to where they don’t feel like the other is more experienced than them. if we were talking like relationships though, then probably her but that doesn’t even really count because she’s never been in a real relationship, she’s just more experienced with what it’s like to have feelings for someone else i think
who hates/dislikes their significant other’s friends ?
they’re from the same group of friends so i don’t think there’s really an answer for this. unless you count sirius as like sienna’s friend, then it’d obviously be him
who wants to go to social gatherings the most ?
probably her? but i think they both relatively enjoy being social, but then once they’re over it they’re both definitely over it and ready to leave.
who is most likely to be dishonest ?
i think they’re both equally likely to be dishonest? although he’s definitely better at it than she is.
who is more emotionally closed off and how does this affect their partner ?
i don’t think they’re super closed off with one another but they’re both like definitely willing to hide their feelings from one another to an equal extent which definitely causes problems as we can see.
who is the dessert person ?
probably sienna
who is more conservative ?
i think it’s probably him? at least he’s more likely to be openly conservative. but as i said in the muse ask with ciara, i feel like sienna talks a big game about how open and liberal she thinks she is but when it comes down to it, she’d still vote for the conservative. she reminds me a lot of like this thing that happened to me in hs where like i was with my friend and we were talking about like very leftist things for my catholic all girls school (abortion rights) and we like had to be hush hush about it because we definitely were around people that didn’t agree. and this girl that was a bit younger than us asked what we were talking about and we kind of waved it off and were like “it’s not really a conversation you want to be involved in” and like hinted that it was political. and she like very proudly and adorably was like, “no i want to know, i think you’ll be surprised because i *and she whispers this* i think that gay people should have rights, you know?” and she was like so proud about this baby liberal stance. and so we told her what we were talking about and she clearly was still a bit uncomfortable with that and still learning and figuring shit out (she was only like 14) so we didn’t like press her or anything because she was clearly coming around just in her own time. and so like we both just like really felt for her because she was clearly starting to make the turn to open her mind to things outside what she knew, but she was still so far behind. and like that’s lowkey how i feel sienna is? like she has these ideas that she thinks are super super like out there and liberal, but to the rest of the world, they’re like common sense. and like, there’s definitely the possibility for her ideas to grow into more, and had she stayed with sirius longer i think that would have happened, but the potential is gone now that he’s out of her life and she’s just surrounded by people she grew up with
but like, then again, i also think that when it comes down to it, she’s also pretty conservative in like how she lives her life, which may in comparison be more than how he naturally is. i’ve definitely said before that like, she is definitely deferential to like the patriarchal structure of their society and she’s okay with that. so like, right now, she’s definitely not going openly go against something that her brother/father says and will listen to them when it really comes down to it. and i think it will be somewhat similar when they’re like an established couple and like married. like, she’ll definitely not be afraid to disagree and argue with him, but when it really comes down to it, if he were to not want her doing something/wearing something she’d respect that. definitely when they have kids, if they’re like asking to do something she definitely is like “it’s up to your father”. idk why i’ve rambled for so long about this, but sienna and like her political beliefs are just so super interesting to me.
who hates/dislikes oral sex ?
what kind of question is this
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Hey so I found u thru the Halved Live Funnies and I gotta ask... whose Leon? What series these dudes from?
i got this ask and then forgot about it for like 2 days. anyways.
IVE ANSWERED THIS BEFORE BUT. GOD. LEON. ok so like....... long story short last year was when i first played resident evil........ bc we got a copy of re2remake in and.... jesus christ. i hyperfixated so fucking hard for the better part of a year going on into this year. and then i watched hl/vr and well. we know where that went. but now i am once again hyperfixated and now im back to where i was in like.... june of last year LMAO. but anyways i am once again going to ramble under the cut about them <3 (seriously. its very long and doesnt go much of anywhere. also spoilers)
tl/dr:
OK. SO. resident evil. the last time i answered this ask i either hadnt played some of them or just completely forgot the plot of others LOL but now upon beating/playing a large majority of them (besides 6 which i have not touched yet, and 7 is first person and im not rly interested in it rn)...... well others have said this as well but if you like cheesy b action movies you would love resident evil!!!
the orig 1-2 are more survival horror which is what i like the most. 3 is where it starts branching into more actiony stuff but is still survival horror. but 4 and after is just like..... cheesy action stuff which is fine but not really like.... my thing. altho i do think that they are fun in a “this plot is hilariously bad” type way because i do enjoy horrible things. but people who like resident evil dont like it for the plot they like it for the characters. and for me i latched the fuck onto leon kennedy and tyrant t-00 aka mr fucking x
listen.......... you guys know me relatively well enough to know that i have a type......... and i would define leon as not really fitting under it usually because he is 1. under 6 foot 2. human and 3. very much not a villain. but something about (mostly remake) leon hits fucking different!!!!!! hes kind and means well, thinks about others constantly, looks like an actual fucking person in the in game graphics instead of being some manufactured perfect model, nice voice, etc....... i fucking care him so much. also gameplay wise i find his weapons to be more enjoyable than claires so i always end up playing his route/2nd route the most compared to hers. but i do also like claire :) shes nice and epic
i dont really like the newer leons (4 and afterwards) as much.... i mean a lot of it has to do with trauma and general “growing up” after what happened in re2 but hes just so constantly... snarky? jaded? constantly spouting lines to make him seem cool? when in my head hes very much like... a loser LMAO. i mean dont get me wrong hes a badass. he survives a fucking zombie outbreak and nearly gets murdered dozens of time. thats the definition of badass. but also you cannot change my mind that hes also a anxious loser twunk. there is literally nothing you can do to convince me he is “cool” like the games and movies want to think. this is probably heresy to re fans but this is my truth
https://youtu.be/aVZWuSfGStk?t=129
here is a vid of his cutscenes. obvious spoilers in there but you can skip around and see how cute he is. also yes in his first cutscene he is listening to butt rock. i switch between thinking hes just listening to it because nothing else is on the radio or his taste really is that terrible
also you literally CANNOT convince me that he is straight. the games try SOOOOO hard to get you to ship leon/ada or leon/claire but like...... i cannot see it. he has one of the gayest run animations i have ever seen in re2 remake and i mean... he just radiates gay trans man energy to me. also please look at this small scene from one of the animated movies where a licker jumps on top of him and he wraps his legs around its hips and lifts it off of him to not die. gay king
https://youtu.be/d-VNikxYBPw?t=9
but yes ive basically decided to ignore all characterization from re4 and onwards regarding leon at least. every leon after that is not my leon (except in special cases when im thinking about something like leon/jd from re damnation..... they did jd so dirty and they should have fucking kissed. or how cute he looked in vendetta sometimes)
ANYWAYS. MR X
so basically there are these enemies in resident evil called “tyrants” that are manufactured by the evil capitalist company umbrella that are near indestructible save for like.... rocket launchers or super heavy artillery that youre not buying at your local gun store. and in re2 one of them get sent to the police station where leon and claire are and is told to wipe out all witnesses. (i also do think that 2 or more were sent there... or at least in the area when this happened due to some very obvious plot hole stuff on each route no matter how you play, even tho the devs have come out and said that only 1 existed in the game and that each route is like “a parallel dimension” to each other. i wont go into it more than that but i choose to ignore that)
and well. when i first played it i knew of mr x but didnt like... know much about him other than that he was a monster and Tall (like 7 or 8 feet tall) and that he chased you around. that already sold me on him but then. well. you first encounter him because he lifts up an entire goddamn helicopter and then proceeds to chase you. and it was then that i knew i was in deep shit because he fucking stomped his way into my heart and never left.
mr x basically has serious Side Character Disorder where (even tho the remake made him very cool and epic and did him really well compared to nemesis in re3 remake which is an entire different can of worms) he has LITERALLY no personality or like. thoughts. or anything. hes only there to chase you around and be on screen for like 10 seconds for a couple of cutscenes and then not show up again until the very end of the game for you to fight on leons route. but god. he means so fucking much to me.
you know how people latch onto random side characters that have no personality and essentially flesh them out more than the creators ever will? thats me with mr x. its gotten to the point where certain songs come on on my spotify and i actually get EMOTIONS or even TEARS because they remind me of him, but its not even really HIM, its the fucking ideas that ive come up with regarding him because all he ever does in game is chase you around and punch you and then die and is never brought up again
but anyways. mr x is a tall monster who chases leon and claire around in their routes but mr x is leons main monster in the game (claire has a different one). he chases leon around, literally never stops looking at him as he chases him, gets hit by an entire fucking car which then explodes BUT THEN chases him down into the sewers and into a secret underground lab just to get to him like a fucking bloodhound who, once he has the scent, will never stop chasing him
(you can see why this made me kind of insane)
just. AGHHH. the tyrants in this series get treated so dirty. i desperately want capcom to give us some sort of tyrant that can actually fucking like.... go against orders and brainwashing or whatever and actually have emotions and thoughts!!!!!!!!!! but capcom would never do anything with it cause its a rough and tough action series and people arent here to see tyrants have some sort of thought process beyond punching and killing and people only want to shoot guns at them instead of thinking about the possibilities of a tyrant that goes against its programming.
i so desperately want an au where mr x got the transmitter shot off of the side of his head (and while capcom never mentioned this ever many re2 fans have since decided that it is what feeds info/orders to him. i flip flop between thinking that it either is near controlling him and prevents free will and thought or that its just giving him orders and that hes just burying/hiding/not showing free will and thought in fear of being killed. either that or someone at umbrella is “piloting” him but also the whole point of tyrants is that theyre supposed to be smart enough to think for themselves somewhat so... eh). GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive explained a bunch of this stuff in my other ask about it but just...... xleon means so much to me when it should not and will never be actually canon
anyways please play re2 remake at least, you dont have to know everything about re1 to like it, just go into it knowing that a few months ago in the mountains outside raccoon city claires brother chris and a few members on his team went to a mansion where they discovered umbrella doing shady zombie shit there. re2 remake was hyped up for years for a reason and it is really good, even if its short (altho i do appreciate short games in this day and age cause not every game needs to be like 60 plus hours long).
maybe one day when its not late and i can actually think i will explain all this better but todays not that day <3
(EDIT: ALSO RE DAMNATION TYRANTS ARE 14 FEET TALL. AND CHASE AROUND LEON AND ACTUALLY FUCKING RUN. FUN FACT! anyways while i do think jd in that movie and leon should kiss i also want leon and a tyrant from that movie to kiss. bye)
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A christ-mack story: Andi Mack
read part one here
read part two here
Part 3: Merry little crisis
[Word count 1910]
Cyrus POV
Everybody was sat in the park me, Andi, Buffy, Jonah, T.J and Marty all squished onto one park bench drinking hot chocolate Andi was filling us in on the drama going on at home.
"It's just Bex is so nervous all the time and she's also very emotional feeling sick and tired I hope she's not coming down with something I'd hate to catch it." She rambled
I turned my head a little towards Jonah who sat quietly staring off with a blank face I could tell he wasn't really listening I waved a hand in front of him and he came alive
"Are you alright JB?"
"Y-yeah I-i mean look" he pointed over to an old looking man on the street who was clearly homeless he was begging for cash Jonah looked really sad and somewhat guilty.
"I didn't have a house not that long ago but at least I had family somewhere to live I mean food wasn't good but I was able to kind of continue life but the feeling never leaves you" he closed his eyes taking a deep breath I put a hand on his back
"Now that it's over and I see people that are still going through it... I don't know it feels like I'm not entitled to what I have" by now the conversations everybody else was having had stopped we were all listening to him.
"Jonah you are more than entitled your family went through so much hardship these past few months you've been dealing with a lot of personal demons yourself you don't have to feel guilty" I reassured he nodded sighing
"Yeah I know I just feel like I should be doing something" he looked at his lap
"Jonah remember when we gave away all those clothes that mint chip threw away?" Andi said
"You mean do I remember going to jail my parents getting really mad at me and doing 72 hours of community service yeah I remember" we all laughed a little
"Yeah well we knew that it was wrong to just throw away those clothes and you know it's wrong that millions of people are sleeping rough on the streets" Andi explained
"It's even worse considering it's winter and Christmas" Buffy said sadly
"But the question is what are you going to do about it" I said Jonah started thinking and his face lit up all of a sudden
"I... I think I have an idea" he smiled
"Hold up... you guys went to jail?!" T.J and Marty said simultaneously in shock we all giggled.
Bex's POV
"Thanks for meeting me I was really hoping you would" Gabriel commented sitting opposite me in a cafe outside of town. He looked worse than when I left him like he hadn't slept or been around good people
"Yeah well just know I'm not doing this for you I'm doing for me" I said trying to keep my self together "I want to know why you emotionally abused me when you knew I was vulnerable because I had just left my home and my daughter"
"H-how is she?" He said awkwardly
"No don't you dare talk about her you don't get to I just want to know if it was me or-"
"No it wasn't please don't raise your voice" he said cutting me off "I... I was under a lot of pressure you really wanted to get out of Shadyside I didn't have money I had to work I always tired needed a drink"
"You can't use that as an excuse I felt like shit everyday when I was with you too the point where I'd do anything to avoid you" I was turning red and tears where stinging in my eyes
"I-i know I was awful b-but I wanna fix things you see I'm in a bit of debt with some old friends and I was thinking you could give me a loan and-"
"Seriously" I yelled standing up "You got back in touch with me to ask for money. I should of known you haven't changed stay away from me and my family if I ever see you again I'll go to the police"
I stormed out the cafe getting on my motorcycle to get back to cloud ten I should of never trusted him the tears fell from eyes but I smiled to myself I've been wanting to stand up to him for years I finally did it.
Jonah's POV
"Jonah where are you taking us?" Marty groaned impatiently
"You'll see" I had an idea of how I could help people that where sleeping rough how we could all help we reached a small shelter on the far side of town.
"We're here" I gestured as we all stepped inside
"What is this place?" Buffy questioned
"It's a food bank I went too a lot the people are really great here they listened to me and when I felt like I couldn't take much more of it there would always be someone here to calm me down"
"That's really sweet but why are all here?" T.J said confused
"To volunteer I spoke to someone and they said they don't get enough people during the holidays to help out with handing out food, clean clothes or just talking to them"
"If it'll make you happy Jo I'll do it" Cyrus said patting my shoulder
"It's for a good cause I think we should all do it" Andi said.
"Can I help you guy- oh hello Jonah how's the new apartment?" A tall brown haired woman said walking up too us
"The apartments nice things are a lot better now"
"Glad to hear it" I swivelled round to my friends
"Guys this is Carla she runs this whole operation during the holidays"
"Nice to meet you all" She said shaking there hands one by one
"We are all here to volunteer" I said smiling brightly
"We'll do anything you want" Buffy said her hand interlocked with Marty's
"Oh well that's lovely I need some people to pick up an apron and dish up food and I need some people to go out and find a few people to give clothes too and invite them in too eat" She said checking her list
"We're on it" She smiled and walked away to check something else
"Me, Buffy and Andi will be on kitchen duty maybe you guys and can go out and find some people" Cyrus ordered
"Sounds like a plan" I said happily
*******
Bex's POV
I got back home later in the day thinking about what happened with Gabriel less and less I had more important things to think about some news I needed to share with the family. Bowie was sitting on the couch looking a little upset nearly angry.
"Hey... is something the matter?"
"I went to cloud 10 to ask if you wanted something to eat you weren't there"
"I was out getting some products I needed" I quickly said as a cover story
"Oh okay that's weird because your friend Gabriel came by earlier" Uh oh
"Look Bowie I can explain..."
"What is there to explain Bex you lied to me... I'll ask again who is Gabriel?"
"Bowie I didn't tell you the truth to protect you he's not important I swear" I said taking his hands but he snatched them away
"Protect me from what?"
"I-I" The words on my mouth died I couldn't tell him. He picked up his keys and jacket
"Where are you going?" I demanded to know
"Out" with that he slammed the door.
I just buried my face in my hands in defeat I have to make this right and I knew exactly how too. That is if Bowie give me a chance to speak to him.
Meanwhile...
Jonah POV
Marty, T.J and I managed to gather some people we found sleeping rough there were way more people than you would expect actually but I'm just really happy we were able to help out. By now we had given everybody some hot food and we were going round giving out clean clothes and blankets they also offered showers I handed this younger looking man a warm tracksuit and a thick coat he took it gratefully trying to smile but it was more like a grimace I pulled up a chair to talk to him.
"Hello I'm Jonah what's your name?" I said sticking my hand out he shook it
"I-I'm Tyler y-you're awfully young to be working here how old are You?"
"I'm 15 but a volunteer so are my friends" I said gesturing at them
"O-oh yeah the tall blonde one wouldn't stop following me until I agreeded to come here" I smirked
"Sorry about that how old are you? if it's okay to ask"
"I-im 20 in a few days and before you ask I've been homeless for two years" he said visibly embarrassed
"Wow um... how come i-I'm only asking to try and fix things don't answer if you don't want too-"
"I got into an argument with my mom after my dad died I-i blamed her and started doing dumb things and I... really wanted to go out of town for a weekend and she said if I go I might as well not bother coming back" his lip quivered I felt horrible
"Well parent say a lot of things they don't mean but they love us unconditionally it's Christmas almost your birthday call your mom" I said putting a hand on his but he took it away
"I can't I don't have my phone" I quickly took out mine
"If you know her number call her on my phone" Tyler was hesitant but he took the phone and dialed her number
"H-hello...hi yes mommy it's me...I-I miss you too" he choked out he stood up to go talk to her.
"You did a good thing Jonah" Carla said walking up behind me "Tyler came by a few months back no one could get him to talk to his mom"
"Well it was obvious he missed her it was probably just pride getting in the way" he came back tears still falling from his eyes he pulled me into a tight hug
"T-thank you Jonah" he said handing my phone back
"What did she say?"
"She's gonna come out here and we can go back home for Christmas" he smiled
"Good"
"There's a bed here for you to sleep on tonight or at least until she gets here I'll show you" Carla said leading him away.
I joined the rest of my friends who were huddled together smiling.
"So Jonah how do you feel now?" Buffy said
"Good really good like I made a difference"
"Were all happy for you and this did feel great reminds us to give back during the holidays" Cyrus said.
We were interrupted by Andi's phone buzzing
"Hello... mom slow down...really oh okay" she hung up "I gotta go there's am emergency apparently" we all said goodbye and she left abruptly.
Whatever happens to having a peaceful holiday?
#andi mack#jonah beck#cyrus goodman#buffy driscoll#good hair crew#tyrus#tj kippen#amber andi mack#marty andi mack#christmas#hanukkah#fanfiction
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quiet on widow’s peak (10)
pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall
rating: teen & up
tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan
word count: 2.8k (this chapter), 32.4k (total)
summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.
read this chapter on ao3 or here!
They try everything. Sophie handles the cameras and phones while Phil and Chris spend way too long cleaning up files on their laptops and doing what they can to get any clear images out of the mess. It's no use. By the time PJ returns from driving Dan home, all they've accomplished is figuring out that the corruption is on their devices, not on the exported files. No matter what they do, the videos and pictures they took have the effect of being scrambled, like someone has pressed fast forward and also put a noise filter over them. The sound is no better - there's a high-pitched sort of ringing in all of the video and audio recordings that Phil can't understand the source of. Some files won't open altogether.
"How does this even happen?" Sophie mutters, bent over Chris' phone with a furrowed brow. "There's nothing left. Like, at all."
"We still have footage from the first night," says Phil. He's trying his very best to stay positive, but this is unbelievably frustrating. They experienced something last night, even if they can't agree on what it was, and they're supposed to start driving back to Brighton before it gets too dark. They don't have time for this. "With the shadow, you know."
His friends make grunts of irritated agreement. Phil knows that all of them are disappointed and a little angry about the lack of evidence for their hellish night, almost like they went through it for nothing, but he doesn't have anything comforting to say.
Phil has never been very good at comfort. He's good at distracting people and forcing optimism, but seeing such visceral emotions from his usually mild housemates makes him want to retreat into himself. He takes his glasses off to rub at his eyes, fighting off a budding headache.
"That's not really enough for a video, though, is it," says PJ. "I mean, you're not going to convince anyone with just a shadow."
"Well, we can't stay to try and get more," Chris says with a little huff.
"I can," Phil points out. He doesn't think he wants to, really, because this whole situation skeeves him out and going back alone would not help, but he needs there to be a purpose to his friends' suffering or he'll never forgive himself. He stares at his unfocused laptop screen, full of files that don't work, and wonders if they're going to bother to try and stop him. "I mean, you guys all have work tomorrow. I don't have anywhere to be. And I kind of want to see this through, so I can, like… take the train home when it's done."
There's a moment of quiet. Phil feels his shoulders tense at the possibility that he's going to have to argue his way into this. It's his job. Plus, he already knows his parents are going to have a problem with him staying longer to investigate, and fighting with yet another set of well-meaning people is more than he wants to do.
"Normally I'd be like, whatever," says PJ. "You know what you're doing and you do this sort of shit alone all the time. But, Phil, how the fuck do you think the paralysis will work if you're by yourself?"
"I won't try to sleep there," Phil decides, shoving his glasses back onto his face. "That's the only time it's happened, right? When people are already falling asleep?"
PJ's mouth twists unhappily, but he doesn't protest further. Phil wonders if he's actually won this argument or if PJ is just too tired from bickering with Dan about cryptids, or whatever they talked about on the drive. Thinking about Dan is a distraction, and not exactly a welcome one. Phil doesn't know how he feels - or even if he should be feeling anything at all - and he doesn't want to add that crisis on top of the one he's already dealing with.
"So you're just going to go there," says Chris. "Alone. And then poke around and go home?"
"That's what I do in most haunts."
"Fair play. Carry on."
It's almost funny how quickly PJ's expression nosedives into aghast. "What? That's it? You're not putting up more of a fight?"
"Why bother?" Chris asks with a little shrug. "He's a stubborn bellend."
"Hey," Phil half-heartedly protests. His friends don't deign to acknowledge it.
"You should bring a sigil with you," says Sophie. Her voice is soft and tired, but her eyes are kind in a way that PJ and Chris don't bother to be. "Why don't you bring something down that you'd have on you, and we'll all put something on it?"
"Really?" Chris asks. It's impossible to tell what he's thinking. Phil doesn't know if he thinks the idea is good or stupid, but he nods after Sophie does. "Alright, we can do that."
PJ is looking off into the distance while cogs seem to turn in his head. "Something you'll have physically on you, Philly, since we can't put it on your skin itself. Let us draw on your glasses or jacket or -"
"Knickers," Chris chimes in.
"Or your knickers," PJ agrees, far more solemnly than Phil thinks is necessary.
It doesn't seem like it'll actually help, but Phil feels so much affection and gratitude for his friends wanting to protect him in any way they can that he doesn't argue.
Phil doesn't really like the idea of going to the Wilkins place alone, either, but he's a lot more comfortable doing that than dragging his innocent friends along for the awful ride again. He thinks about Sophie's kind eyes staring up at the ceiling blankly, the way PJ gasped when he woke up, Chris trying to hide his own concern about the situation, and he feels his resolve stiffen even more.
Maybe he is a stubborn bellend. This is his responsibility, though. It's not right for him to keep asking for help. Phil lets the conversation flow to what snacks they're going to get for the drive and thinks about how he's going to break the situation to his parents.
--
It doesn't feel as satisfying to shut the door of his childhood bedroom, now. Maybe it's the fact that he's too mature to slam it, or maybe it's that the room itself isn't the haven it used to be. All the neutral colours and boring pieces of art are like a constant visual reminder that his life isn't here anymore.
He doesn't want it to be here. That isn't the problem. It feels stupid if he thinks about it for too long, but he grew up in this house. He's got scars from the sharp corners of the old furniture and more memories than he has in any other singular location. Sure, it makes sense that his parents are retiring and want to downsize from a big, empty house, but Phil really isn't comfortable with this level of change. He kind of assumed he'd always be able to come visit and feel at home again.
Phil sinks onto the mattress. For a long moment, he seriously considers going to sleep. It's barely past seven, but he didn't sleep well this morning. At least if he's unconscious he doesn't need to deal with the crushing weight of his parents' disappointment and worry.
The decision is made for him when his phone buzzes with a notification from Tumblr.
tell ur parents thanks for letting me stay and tell pj thanks for bringing me home and tell urself thanks for the uhhhh experience lmao its deffo not one im gonna forget anytime soon
Phil huffs a laugh and gets comfortable. You're very welcome. I'll tell them when I come out of hiding.
arent you in a very small car on your way to brighton mate… how tf do you manage to hide in there when youre huge
Oh I'm not in the car, I'm still at my parents' place. It's a long story and I hate typing a bunch on my phone. Phil grimaces at himself for the way that sounds, like he's cutting off any questions Dan might have before they ask. He sends another message. Voice call me on Skype or something if you wanna hear about my no good, very bad day.
He doesn't expect Dan to actually call him, let alone immediately, but Phil's phone starts buzzing with a Skype call before he's collected himself enough to find his headphones. He's still detangling while he answers with a sheepish, "Oh, hello!"
"Hi," says Dan. Their voice is low and amused, and Phil can't believe how nice it is to hear after only a handful of hours.
"I'm woefully unprepared, as per usual," Phil rambles, finally getting his headphones in and grinning at the bland wall in front of him. Nobody is here to judge him for it. "You, er, got home alright?"
"Obviously yes," says Dan. "So, you had a bad day?"
"'Cause you had a bad day," Phil sings back to them. The sound of Dan's giggle makes any embarrassment worth it, he thinks. "Yeah, uh, it was rough. So we wanted to look over the footage from last night to see what the camera caught, y'know, but… I don't know how, I don't have an explanation for it, but everything is corrupted. Our audio, our video, our photos. They're all beyond repair."
There's a few moments of silence, where Phil would think Skype had frozen if he couldn't still hear the faint music on Dan's end. Then, "What? You - what? We don't have anything?"
Phil likes the sound of 'we'. He probably shouldn't.
"We tried everything," Phil explains, his heart feeling heavy all over again at the reminder that they spent hours terrified for nothing. "But the corruption isn't even in the exported files, it's on our devices themselves. Chris' phone, our cameras… they're all fucked."
"If you're swearing, it must be fucking serious," says Dan. Phil wants to interrupt then, explain that his policy on bleeping out curses is more about staying monetized and keeping his parents happy than any personal morals, but Dan has already shot past the topic at the speed of light. "So basically we've got no proof we were ever there, let alone that something weird happened - which I'm not saying is some kind of fucking paranormal shit, by the way, but it was weird - and now you've got nothing to make a video with and I never should have told you about this place to begin with?"
"Dan, breathe." Phil waits until he's sure that Dan is at least trying to follow the directive. "It's okay. I'm glad you brought me here. And that's why I'm still in town - I'm going to get more footage."
"Not alone, you're not," Dan says fiercely.
"Peej and the other Scoobs already went home. I just didn't go with them."
"I don't care where your friends are," says Dan. Phil can almost see their hand waving dismissively. "You're not going back there alone. End of story."
The clear insistence in Dan's voice should be getting Phil's back up against the wall. He hates being told what to do with his own projects, needs to be in complete control whenever possible. Instead, he finds himself thinking that it's sweet of Dan to worry like that.
Christ, but he's got it bad.
"I'm still in town either way," Phil says, picking at a loose thread in his sleeve absent-mindedly. "Which my parents are, uh, not thrilled about."
"Really?" Dan sounds genuinely surprised. "They seem like they really love you, mate."
Love has never been the issue. That feels strange to think, cocky almost, but Phil has never really worried that his parents won't love him. Even with the secrets he keeps from them and their fears about the way he lives his life, the worst he's ever expected is disappointment. That just isn't the way their relationship works.
"Oh, they do," says Phil. "But they hate my job, and they think that it's stupid of me to keep investigating a place that clearly doesn't want to be investigated. They believe in ghosts and demons and all that jazz, y'know, they think I'm inviting evil into my life, so they said they'd let me stay here while I work but that we're going to have a 'serious discussion' about my life trajectory when I'm done."
"Ouch. I'd hate that conversation."
"Trust me, it's going to suck. I just got the preview today, and I already know I'm going to want to run away to Iceland."
There's a beat. Then, Dan says, "At least when you're there you can look into the hidden people. You know, the Icelandic elves or whatever that live in a parallel world. That seems up your alley."
"Your mum lives in a parallel world," Phil mutters.
Dan giggles. The sound of it is soft, like they're aware of their own volume, and Phil remembers that Dan lives in some kind of housing with a bunch of other students. He still loves the sound, so much so that he drifts into a nonsensical daydream of making Dan laugh as much as possible and almost misses Dan's voice coming through his headphones again.
"Since you're still in town," Dan is saying, and Phil makes a conscious effort to tune back in, "you should come by the shop tomorrow. I have an early class, but I'm starting work at eleven."
The prospect of seeing Dan again is such a good one that Phil doesn't even hesitate before he's agreeing. It'll be a bit of an effort to get out of bed early enough to avoid his parents and catch Dan for a good amount of time, but Phil feels like it's definitely going to be worth it. He likes Dan, likes being around them if absolutely nothing else, and the ill-advised butterflies in his stomach aren't enough to make him fall on the side of finding this a bad idea.
It isn't until after he's hung up and getting himself a sandwich so he doesn't have to eat an awkward dinner with his parents that Phil realises he's going to have Dan all to himself tomorrow. Well, to himself and to whatever patrons come into the coffee shop. The force of those warm eyes, just focused on him… it's going to test Phil in a way he's not sure he's ready for.
He turns away from the fridge and almost jumps out of his skin.
"Mum," he complains, free hand clutched to his chest. "Don't just stand there, you scared me!"
A smile tugs at Kath's lips, but her arms are crossed and her eyes are staring into Phil's very soul. He feels cornered all of a sudden, like he ought to be clawing for escape.
"Philip," she says, all warmth. There's that slight edge that he remembers so clearly from mishaps as a child, but for the most part it seems like she isn't here to lecture him. He imagines that's going to come from both of them. "This thing that you insist on doing… it's dangerous. You must know that, love."
Phil doesn't actually know that. For the most part, his career hasn't given him anything but boredom and a complex about his own creativity. It's just the odd cases, the ones like the Wilkins house, that get him squirrelly.
"I know, mum," he says anyway. It isn't worth the argument. "But this is my job."
"It doesn't need to be," she presses, and Phil realises that his assumption was very, very wrong. They're going to divide and conquer. She continues like she hasn't noticed the way his whole body is tensing up. "You have such a wonderful mind and loads of ambition, my dear. And that imagination! Gosh, you could do anything that you set your mind to."
Anything he set his mind to - if he actually tried. Phil can hear the words that she isn't saying, that his dad will have no trouble voicing later, and he feels the familiar burn in his throat like he's going to start crying.
He won't. He doesn't cry much, as a rule, but he's well-acquainted with the sensation of holding it back.
"I know that I can," says Phil quietly. He looks down at his sandwich. He isn't very hungry anymore. "Mum, I'm not - I don't do this because I - you know, I like my job."
That's not exactly the truth anymore, but Phil is also well-acquainted with the art of lying to his mother. She doesn't need to know about the doubts that plague Phil, the way that he's felt like he's slogging through videos until they catch his interest properly. That's something he can figure out on his own. He forces his eyes back up at her to drive the point home with a sincere, pleading sort of look.
Her mouth twists, unhappily this time.
"You need to grow up sometime, Phil," she says, so soft that it almost cushions the devastating blow of her words.
Almost.
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⇢ ☆ did i just see CINDY KIMBERLY walking down hollywood boulevard? no, that’s just JULIETTA SANTOS, the TWENTY-ONE year old CISFEMALE and aspiring DANCER. i heard SHE has been described as +ARDENT & +CREATIVE, but can also be -RETICENT & -STUBBORN. i think i heard on tmz that UP UNTIL THE SHOW BEGAN, SHE WAS HOMELESS, LIVING OUT OF HER CAR but that’s probably not true. guess we’ll have to see if they make it.
heeeyyOoOoOoo friendos!! i’m mack, and this is my tiny dancer julietta. uh uhhh uhhhh under the cut you’ll find a run down of her background + her personality + connection ideas and i’m gonna .... try not to ramble but i’m Queen of That Shit™ so. .. .. .. godspeed
BACKGROUND.
julietta was born and raised in san bernadino, california where the crime rates are high, the public schools are shitty, and the temperature never dips below 50º !! her father wasn’t around and her mother ... really wasn’t much of a mother. she tried to be, but [ DRUG ADDICTION CW, OVERDOSE CW;; she was a young parent and struggled with a heroin addiction before her pregnancy and unfortunately continued to struggle with it after her daughter was born. she was in and out of rehab, clean one year and hooked again the next. when julietta was ten, her mother lost that battle and died of an overdose. ]
luckily, jules was in good hands. her grandmother loved her like she was the only good thing in the world. she was the one who enrolled jules in her first dance class at the age of three. the two of them spent an obscene amount of time in dance classes or at competitions. julietta thrived on stage, in fact, it was the only place she really allowed herself to be unapologetically, vibrantly her.
she did well in school but kept to herself for the most part. her evenings and weekends were spent in a dance studio or at competitions, and what little time she had left was taken up by her place on her high school’s dance team, homework, or a part time job teaching dance classes. things weren’t perfect, they weren’t easy, but they were okay for a while.
when jules was sixteen, however, her grandmother fell ill. she took the year off of competitions, picked up more hours of teaching, and watched as the woman who raised her withered away along with any financial stability the santos family might’ve had. hospital bills were high and morale was low. after a year and a half of sick, rita santos, the woman who shaped julietta, passed away.
jules was left alone, lost, and reluctant to go into the foster system as she was on the cusp of eighteen, so, as the sole benefactor of her grandmother’s assets, she did what she could. but funds run out and things go terribly wrong. after graduation, she hightailed it out of san bernadino and drove just a bit farther north to get back into the dance game and to further her education.
she used what money she had left to rent a shitty apartment and worked her butt off teaching dance classes and going to school part time. but funds run out and things go terribly wrong. unfortunately, julietta got involved with the wrong people, fell in love with the wrong boy, and signed a contract with the wrong agency. her ‘friends’ surrounded her with the same toxicity that killed her mother. her boyfriend made her feel small and slept with a slew of other people while they were together. her agent took her money and never got her gigs, skipping town when she finally caught on.
so she was pretty down in the dumps, but if her grandma taught her anything, it was resilience. but funds run out and things go!! terribly wrong!! unfortunately, she was forced to leave that shitty apartment and couch surfed in between stints of living in her car.
most of her money comes from teaching courses at different dance studios, cash prizes from competitions, and now the show. it was pure luck that she got on, got an apartment, and got to cut back on working in order to spend more time auditioning. things are looking up, but she’s not entirely sure she’s ready for the pressure of sharing her personal life with national television.
PERSONALITY.
julietta is incredibly passionate about dance and really comes to life when she’s on stage. pointe/classical ballet is her favorite, but she’s also professionally trained in contemporary/modern, hiphop, ballroom and–– though she might not admit to it–– tap. the julietta on stage is her truest form, where she’s honest and open and good. really, really good.
she’s stubborn as fuck and a little bit too much of a perfectionist. she works herself to exhaustion and tends to be her own biggest critic. it adds to her greatness as she pushes herself to be the best she can be, but it causes issues as well. because she’s so hardheaded, she doesn’t recognize her own limits. she won’t take help, even when it’s stupid to refuse it. like yes life throws her some curveballs but fucking hell she tends to make her own problems much worse.
she’s very very very ,... quite. ‘demure’ or ‘wallflower’ fits tbh. when she speaks, it’s purposeful, but it’s rare. more often than not, she spends her time observing rather than speaking, at the edge of a party rather than at the center of it. like she really is an introvert through and through, only letting that goofy, more vulnerable side of herself out when she’s around people who know her very well.
she’s got an old soul. like she just carries herself in the way natalie wood or rita hayworth or grace kelly would. she’s a hopeless romantic like that, idk how to explain it!!!
worries about literally everything all the time. Mom Friend™
she’s just... v quiet. v thoughtful and v quiet. wants to be your friend but is too scared to ask you.
FUN FACTS.
goes on runs when she gets stressed out; stays after hours in the studio when she’s had a bad day
dabbles in choreography and might be good at it but is TOO NERVOUS TO SHOW ANYONE
has a cat named binx that is a very recent addition to the santos family but yes he’s named after that binx
loves holidays. is 110% the kind of mom friend that sends her friends holiday themed care packages when she can afford it
life dream??? being misty copeland tbh. would settle for dancing with the stars opposite like.... chris hemsworth or michael b jordan tbh
keeps a thought journal on her at all times
wears one (1) piece of jewelry at all times: gold pendant necklace her grandma gave her on her 16th
wannabe selena quintanilla but isn’t a pop star soOoOoo
CONNECTION IDEAS.
old pals!! like long time friends from socal or school
bad influence/good influence
confidant.... both ways man someone she can talk to or someone that feels ready to vent to her
competitors like get her riled up and angry because that doesn’t happen too often
that brother/sister friendship like so close they might as well be family................ bc you know she doesn’t hAVE any
this bitch is BROKE so !! roommates wanted and appreciated
“are they just friends or are they dating who knows? not me”
that ride or die best friendship like seriously i just really love... fierce girl gang plots ok ok ok
“you know what stan twitter would love? a making it showmance”
bitch i love brainstorming and chem!!! so!! these are just run of the mill ideas to start with
SO ANYWAY THIS IS JULIETTA .... and it’s 1443245432 times longer than i wanted it to be so tldr: ya girl has had a rough go at it but she’s a-okay, quiet and observant and thriving on the dance stage !! will mom u and love u forever unless u hurt her feelings too much ya know???
so!! like this and i’ll IM you SORRY SORRY SORRY THIS IS SO LONG ALSDKJFHA
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The Bizarre Pacing of Feast For a King
I WROTE ANOTHER LITTLE JOURNAL THING ABOUT MY COMIC enjoy
Feast for a king, right now, is around 4350 pages long. (A bit more than that, especially if you include the 80 page bonus chapter) but one thing about this story that stands out and ultimately becomes one of the biggest deciding factors of a readers enjoyment is the way I handle pacing.
Besides the ‘rough’ artwork, its absolutely the #1 thing people comment on. Disorienting, Rambling or meandering, it very much encapsulates a style that you would not typically find in a comic. It promotes an atmosphere of, obviously lacking an ‘editor’ who would attempt to reel things in or get to the point. As its creator, I’m very aware with how strange it is but that’s exactly one of the reason why I attempt to commit to it. I allow myself this strange liberty to participate in this comic in a format that is very revealing of all my flaws.. but also helps me discover my strengths as well. And besides that, it really gives me the most clear window of the possibilities of my skills.
Still at this point in my comic creating process, I start to hesitate to call this format experimental anymore. I understand that it is, but it also just.. is how I like to make comics. By calling it experimental, i find that I take myself a little less seriously as an artist. Or that it becomes a little more easy to put down what makes this process work and why its effective.
In the eyes of many, it breaks necessary boundaries and there’s not a lot pause for air. Its just like this, the entire way that it goes. Its something you must confront and deal with in order to read the story. I think that in a way, I use this pacing also as a protective wall for myself. The only problem is that it also isolates me from a larger audience. Which kind of sucks because, i think that my story is very special and i’d love for more people to read it because.. id.. like to make this my career and support me. I’m sure there are a lot of other aspects of my comic that make it hard to read besides the pacing but, I think that my pacing is something that I’d like to address in more detail as to why i do it. It IS absolutely an intentional choice, but at the same time, I’m not sure if its a choice I can really undo anymore. So perhaps its actually just something I can’t help but do.
1) The largest reason that I do this pacing is because its reflective of my main source of inspiration, Roleplaying! And, my favorite method of roleplaying is actually a very simple format close to chat-based style. I’ve been roleplaying since i was 11 and making characters and stories ever since. Its where I feel more comfortable working and exploring ideas. I wanted to make a comic feel like how I do when I roleplay. And how i roleplay is often filled with mundane, small scenes of almost pointless activities which end up really building that atmosphere or illusion that these characters are always living their lives somewhere, even if we don’t notice.
I’m obsessed with documenting all that small boringness. The more i can pull out of myself, the better it feels. I feel like its a reward to get to see those things, and its the kind of attention to detail that often hooks me in when I experience other media. Its like, oh my god, i love this character fussing with a flashlight or looking for food at a grocery store. Tying their shoes. Fussing over their thoughts in a moment. These are things I cling to and want to take the time to mention. You can do all those in roleplaying without it being super distracting because its casual, but suddenly when its in the format of a comic it just-- doesn’t seem necessary. and it isnt. but thats why its such a treat to get it. But it also just stops being a treat when its constant, and instead, its all the time. Its just the normal standard.
You’d think that make its loose its appeal... but for me i just, want more of it. Its really an obsessive hunger. I realized that i could do it this way in a comic and I never wanted it to stop. And i dont have to. That’s what makes it so cool but i feel like..im cheating at something by having so much..fun?
2) Meandering gives you plenty of fucking time to plan ahead.
Oh it sure as fuck does. Oh my god. I am not even kidding. The satisfaction of feeling like I’ve got all my plans together because I spent hundreds of pages of my characters fucking around (sometimes literally FUCKING around) is amazing. I love just not having to worry about shit for a while because if i was hitting all these huge story beats at all the time, i think I would evaporate and miss out on just the slow, happy experience of getting to know my world so intimately and feeling very comfortable with how it unfolds. I sit and debate on things and Its like ahh, thank god I don’t feel a rush to get around to do anything. I love just being chill and drawing my characters walking around and doing fucking nothing but walking around and its like damn I could be walking around right now too, but I’m not. They are. What am i typing right now?
When exciting things happen in my comic, I love it. But i also love working by making basically mental buffer pages. Its like the camera kept rolling and following the crew around. Once again, basically ties into the “mundane” aspect, but it just gives a very nice satisfaction of not feeling rushed to do anything until its time to do it. personally, i think that if we are given more time with characters, even just by seeing there, we get a little more fonder of them. Like seeing a regular at a coffee shop or like, a video game npc bouncing around in the corner in the same spot for the entire game. They’re there and its a reliable landmark. Until it goes away. :)
3) Pay off.
I’ve lulled you all into this false sense of mundane non changing-ism. Just think though. I could pull that fucking rug out at any time and all those little cute moments suddenly become very upsetting because that was all you got. It sucks now. See? I’ve manipulated you from the start and ive planted the little seeds in your mind-just kidding. everything is fine and no one will ever experience sad things in ffak. ONLY happy endings.
4) What’s the forth reason? Ummmmm....... I can take breaks from my own comic and then go into the past of the same story, or write about some random character... and then like. just do a totally different comic for a bit. and no one can say i cant do that, because if Its just what i wanna do you just.. get to see some of that. and i can extend one single day for as long as i want. i might just draw an entire chapter about sneezy the worm if i wanted. 600 pages of sneezy the worm. you want to hear about sneezy the worm? no? you want the main plot about the final feast? no fuck you.. im going to talk about sneezy now. that’s what you get. yesss. you look upset now but just wait, you’re gonna love sneezy the worm when I’m done and you cant escape caring about cute little worms no matter what.
So to wrap up today’s delirious ramblings
1) Its fun and i love small character moments
2) gives me plenty of time to write ahead and figure out endings lol
3) potential heart breaking pay offs when i change the routine
4) freedom to do whatever and write about whatever characters without a looming deadline or judgment from bosses. this is just what i love to do.
FFAK’s process is strange but I intend to enjoy myself as much as possible. I also think I’m very great because the longer i work the less ashamed i feel about my choices with writing and making it this way. its just like oh cool, i can do this and its not the end of the world if everyone doesnt like it cause I like it and thats what matters. and turns out, my happiness results in thousands of pages because I’m constantly self-motivated. So its fucking cool as shit and i love drawing. I love drawing more now in 2018 than i did when i was a teenager, or even a kid. Its so weird how much better and fun the experience has grown to be and I wouldnt trade that for the world.
Anyway thanks for reading. I’m drinking a frappichino. frappuccino. how do you fucking spell that.
-kosmic
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Hi! Can you please write an au soul mate edition for soldier 76 and his younger female s/o. I don't have any real specifics. I just want him to have finally given up on avoiding her and finally deciding to claim her and her accepting her broken soldier. Thank you so much for all your hard work!
Soulmate
A/N: Lets pretend its established that Soldier’s been keeping tabs on you since you joined OW. I feel like this might seen a less rushed that way.
The giveaway was the scars.
Long healed, fleshy scars that slashed across your face inexact same way they did him. He hatedhimself for what he had done to you. No doubt you suffered the pain alongsidehim when they were carved into his skin. His chest aches at the thought. Soyoung and beautiful yet he had already ruined you without having meant to.
However, he recalls when D.Va has asked if they botheredyou. A casual question brought up when she caught you prodding your fingertipsalong the one at your lips. Out of habit, He noted. Having caught you done it many times before. The question had peaked his interest. Looking from the corners ofhis eyes with a stare hidden beneath the red of his visor.
“They used too.” His hands clutch, surprised as you smiled at the gaming star. “I feel like they add character, yaknow? Kind of gives me that badass ‘don’tmess with me’ look.” D.Va laughs, joining in on your smile while Soliderexcuses himself from the room.
He can’t bring himself to look at you without feeling likehe’s failed you way before he’s gotten the chance to prove himself. So, he doesthe only sensible thing he can think of when you come around. He avoids you. It’s hardly noticed at first -he’s a busy man- so no one questions why he makes a hasty exit at your entrance. No one, however, Ana being with a keenly trained eye and sense for good gossip.
She is the one who approaches him in an attempt to stop this.The skirting and dancing around. The smallest glimpse of him staring at youfrom afar has her thinking how absolutelyabsurd he’s being. Her posture is relaxed as she stops behind him stealthily,a warm cup of tea in hand. “You should tell her, Jack.” She says causing thesuper soldier to jump where he sits. His body goes rigid as he resumes cleaningthe mechanisms of his rifle.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about, Ana.” The woman givesa hearty laugh. One he knows is meant to put him on edge, which it does. Anamerely sips from her cup satisfied with its effect.
“Please.” She waves her free hand dismissively. “They mightnot have your face but they do have your scars.” She crosses her arms over herchest looking at nothing in particular. “They are your soulmate, Jack. That muchis obvious. Not many have the privilege nor opportunity of meeting them in thislifetime.” She pauses with a sigh while her face softens. Her tone is gentle asshe pats his shoulder twice reassuringly. “Do not waste yours.”
Soldiers steps are taunt and loud as he paces the throughthe corridors of the base in search for you. His hands are held as fists at hissides and his eyes stare straight forward to his objective. He feels a suddenrace of his heart, the thumps loud enough to be heard in his ear. His palms aresticking to leather interior of his gloves and his jacket feels much tighterthan usual.
The old soldier has thought over his options. Everysuccessful idea and their equally non-successful counterpart. He’s thoughtabout it till his head began to ache and he recognized he cannot take any moreof this game of never ending avoidance. He knows what he has do -for his sakeand for yours.
He had experienced a shooting pain earlier that evening. Abright red and irritated mark on his calve knowingly letting him know you hadsomehow gotten hurt on the mission you were set to return from today. It washis first and only clue as to where you might be so late in the evening. Asidefrom your room, which he had already checked first.
Jack enters the med bay room hesitantly. A hand leaning on the door frame as he peakshis head in scanning the room.
“Oh hey, 76.” You remark awkwardly when his eyes meet yoursfrom your medical bed. A blanket across your lap as you swipe away at what youwere working on. “You can come in if you’d like.” There’s a visitor’s chair atyour bed side to which you motion with the tilt of you head. He eyes your legwearily as he moves to take a seat. “It’s really not as bad as it seems.” Youdismiss, tilting your head to catch his eye. “At worse it’ll leave a scar. Nobiggie.”
Soldier frowns, leaning forward to rest his elbows on hisknees. He intertwines his fingers together and sighs. “It doesn’t bother you?”
The older man watches as you pucker your lips, looking up inthought. A shake of your head follows soon after. “No, not really.” You motionto the ones on your face rather fondly. Pointing them out for him besides thembeing rather obvious. “I already have these. ’Course, they were from mysoulmate but it doesn’t make them any less cool. My soulmate probably lookslike one big badass with the number of scars they’ve given me.”
The red of his visor peers at you while his tone remainslevel headed although a bit shaky. The mere mention of soulmates has his heartracing even more. “You believe in soulmates?”
A nod. “That they’re out there, yeah. A connection -a bond- betweentwo beings meant to be. It sounds magical having someone you’re meant to be with.Someone fate has chosen for you.” He can see the emotion in youreyes, warm and dreamy. It wanders off into the distance as you drag yourfingertips over the scar at your lips. “I remember when I first got these.” Youbegin. “They weren’t the only ones. Quite frankly, I was covered in them thatday. They had hurt so badly that I cried for hours.”
Im sorry. It hangson the tip of his tongue wanting to be said. However, he bites his cheek andlets you continue.
“Then the aching stopped. The scars were still raw but thepain wasn’t there anymore. I got so scared.” You confess with a bitter laugh. “You’dthink I’d be happy but I didn’t know why the pain just disappeared. It made me worry what had happened to them. Did theydie? Had I lost them before I even got to see them?”
“Then I started getting more, big and small. Got a nasty oneon my side from god knows what a few months back but it lets me know that therestill alive. Somewhere out there doing some pretty reckless things but alivenonetheless.” He hadn’t noticed how close he’d leaned until your arm accidentlybrushed against his. A jolt of electricity eliciting from the simple touch.“Look at me, I’m rambling on about someone I’ll probably never meet.”
“No, it’s alright.” He says much too quickly. “I-ah, I neverreally talked to anyone about it much before.”
You clasp your hands in front of you while you shuffle tosit comfortable without aggravating your wound. “Do you believe in soulmates, Soldier 76?”
Soldier snorts. “If I do, I don’t deserve them.” He mutters.“I’m just a broken soldier. An old dog without any new tricks.” He pauses,looking away when you frown. “They deserve much better.”
“Hey, scars look good!” You remark, placing a hand on hisshoulder and offering a gentle squeeze. “And it doesn’t matter. A soulmate issomeone who your meant to be with.Someone fate has made just for you -foreach other. So, what if you’re not perfect? No one is! I’m sure you’ll soulmatewill love you no matter what.”
Soldier tilts his head to stare at you for a moment. Lettingthe weight of your words sink in before adjusting his seating as well. “Youreally believe that.”
“Of course, I do.” Yousmile. “You don’t give yourself much credit for the good you’ve done, do you?”
The way your eyes meet his with such reassurance sets hischest ablaze. Warmth radiating from your being flushing to melt and crack his exterior.A shortly silence overcomes the room. The hum of various machines andmechanisms that surround you echo off the white walls.
He’s made his decision and, by god, he is going to stand byit. Soldier sets himself on his feet, arms lifting towards the sides of hisvisor. For a moment, you stare at him with curiosity as the mechanism unlockswith a click. His eyes are crystalline blue, avoiding your gaze momentarily ashe trembles nervously. Your eyes scan the scars that adorn the ruggedness ofhis face, ones that perfectly like up and match with yours. The heart monitorconnected to your bed side beeps with your sudden increase in pace. However,the noise goes unnoticed as you both are focused on each other.
There’s a lump in your throat swallowed followed by adryness of your mouth. “I… had a suspicion but-” Emotions overcome you and asyour eyes begin to water. “I didn’t think -I thought I’d never find you.”
Soldier attentively moves to wipe is away the tears thatfall past your eyes. He stops shortly but you lean in to meet him half way. Thegloves of his hands are rough and tarnished but they brush against your skin withsuch tenderness that it’s just so him.“You had a suspicion it was me?”
You titter a bit over the happy sobs. “Your mask doesn’tcover much of the top scar on your face.” You lift a hand to touch where itbegins on his forehead. The feel of your fingertips tracing smooth scarredtissue makes his chuckle where you know it tickles to touch. “It’s in the exactspot mine is in.”
His eyebrows furrow. “But?”
“But I’ve never seen the rest of your face. I didn’t know ifthe rest matched up. I didn’t want to assume either or give myself false hopebut,” You confess, hands coming up at his sides in order to grip his jacket.“Soldier-”
“Jack.” He corrects, taking you in his arms. The leather ofhis jacket creaks as he grips you tightly in the embrace. A warmth flushesbetween the two of you as something clicksjust how it should. “It’s Jack, Jack Morrison.”
“Jack.” You affirm. “I’m happy it’s you, Jack. I really am.”
“I’m sorry I took so long.” His blue eyes are lidded as hisbreath so close to you. You’re eyes dip to part of his lips before glancingback up to him.
You wipe away the reaming tears with the back of your hand.A grin forming as you playfully tug at him. “I’m sure you can think of ways tomake it up to me. For how reckless you are.”
He chuckles with a deep rumble before tilting his headtowards you. “I might have a few ideas.”
His lips are cracked and dried but he kisses you with somuch fever it’s the last thought in your mind. You can see where he’s outpractice, teeth clinking together momentarily before you adjust yourself. Heleans as close as he can, hands finding purchase on either side of your hipswhile the hospital bed restricts the rest. Your arms wrap their way around hisshoulders, one hand gripping at his hair while he opens his mouth. Tonguestangle, wet sloppy kisses pressed to the others lips as your breaths match andhearts race. He places a kiss at the edge of your lips before trailing downyour chin and jaw bone. Lips finding themselves close and closer to soft skinof your neck as you tilt your head in appraisal.
The fast tapping of heels and of the medical bay doorsslamming open suddenly parts you both. Soldier pushing himself back and off thebed as he quickly moves to compose himself. However, the young medic has madeher presence faster than both of you accounted for. An embarrassed blushovercoming the both of you.
Angela makes the connection rather quickly, a knowing smirkcrossing her face. “Ah, here I thought something might have happened.” Sheremarks, walking past Soldier to look over the data collected by the suddenlybeeping heartrate monitor. “But it seems I’ve interrupted something.” She looksover the chart with puckered lips.. “Visiting hours are closed at the moment,Jack.” Pointily, she directs her attention to soldier
He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. Unsure of how toanswer the doctor who taps her foot impatiently. “Ange-”
She closes her eyes while raising a hand to cut him off. “Iwill give you a moment to say your goodnights.” Her gaze is tired when shereopens her eyes. “They need their rest. So, please, make it quick.”
He waits till the doctor exits the room. Her office lightsflickering off not too far down the hall before he turns back to you. His handfinds yours as he pulls himself back into you. You lean in, meeting him withyour head tilted.
The kiss is brief and wanting. Much more yet to bediscovered and much left to be said. Soldier is the first to pull away knowingAngela will burst through the door once more any minute. He chuckles as youpout reaching out for more. “I’ll come visit tomorrow.” He finds his discardedvisor, clicking it back in place as he prepares to leave.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You ask, voice raising in pitch as his hand leaves yours. You can hear the smile on the softness of his tone.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He nods.
#asks#anon#requests#soldier 76 x reader#soldier 76#jack morrison x reader#Jack Morrison#overwatch x reader#Overwatch#overwatch reader insert
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Ramblings and Personal stuff i carry around for a while now.
So hi. :)
This will be a rather personal and potential long post so i will put this under the Read More stuff.
Mainly for the very few people who happen to follow me for whatever reason and think “who the hell is that and why should i care.”
You dont, i somehow feel like my Tumblr blog is some kind of safe spot...i hate the word but it is true.
I dont do too much here on Tumblr, less now because most of my shows and stuff is on hiatus or so...but i feel surprisingly calm and secure when im on tumblr.
It feels like i can write stuff down in my blog and get it out of my system...thats the main reason i will write this now.
So for those who dont care, this pretty much is the end of a pointless looking Post but actually just the beginning. XD
Either way, have a good day, night, week, month, rest of the year all.
Life is hard but you can make it, i believe in you.:)
Well here we go then for me and maybe a few people who are interested in what this weirdo has to say.
The year 2018 has been a really heavy year with a lot of things that happened.
Mainly in my life we had two deaths, my uncle and my grandma.
My uncles death was more of a shock, grandma dying was more a relief for all.
My parents who were day and night there for her in the last difficult few months, relief for her because she is in no pain anymore...it was sad and everybody cried but we knew it was for the best.
But before that happened, two good things happened in our life two.
First my niece was born...and i cant even find the words to say how much i love this girl and how much laughter and life she brought in our already chaotic family.
I never thought i would adore a baby that much.
More than that it helped me realise that I AM NOT WORTHLESS.
Its probably my biggest flaw, the mindset of thinking that im just a waste of space, that im not good enough no matter how often someone tells me that opposite.
I hate that i cant shake this god damn mindset off, that it keeps coming back with every tiny mistake or every little thing i dont do perfect.
Seeing how my brother and sister in law, how my family trust me with this tiny little being...helps me a lot.
Seeing how this baby is not afraid of me, how she trusts me and how i can make her smile...thats something i never thought could happen to me.
Anyway...second good thing was that my brother got married.
Dont know if i wrote this down here but when he first told us about this girl from Albania, we were a bit worried.
He is a bit of a simple mind who often does things just out of spite.
He didnt made it too easy to trust this whole thing, getting married after just 11 months of knowing, having spent most of their time together online...it causes us a few gray hair.
But after having met her a few times and her now staying here for a few months, the girl is family.
She is smart, friendly, helps a lot and is in general a really nice person.
We get along well.
So we have two new family members who will celebrate their first christmas in our family...a good thing.
Here is the thing...There was a lot going on here and there, small and bigger things that made me look at my life.
And i realized that while im happy...i want more.
Specificly i realized that i want to “socialise” more.
I wanna met people, build friendships...find someone to love.
For the longest time i was looking for excuses...but i realized those excuses were just because im afraid.
Afraid of what could happen...which i realize now isnt as dark as i imagine.
The worst that can happen is that people reject me...woho, big deal.
Im sure there are a lot of people on this planet who dont like me...its not the end of the world.
So i wanna put myself out there more and maybe here...interact more with the Shippers and stuff around here.
Its something i didnt do for two reasons mainly...
One: I think im boring and have nothing to say, that all i might have to say is dumb and a waste of time and just bothers people.
Getting rid of this mindset is a hard thing, but i will work on it.
Number Two...sounds weird but...im a guy.
I know Tumblr isnt some man hating place, no matter how often it might look like it.
Thats not the case, i know the place has its bad apples but its not as bad as people want to make it out.
It has less to do with the people around here and more...yeah im a smartass here, more to do with society.
I sometimes feel like as a guy i shouldnt be part of a shipping community, i shouldnt participate in fandoms with mostly women or transgender people or so.
Thats completely on me of course...but i dont really know why.
Its probably more annoying than anything because its literally the dumbest reason for not doing something that exists.
I shouldnt feel like i have no right to talk to other shippers, to squeel when my ships have cute scenes, to cry when the angst is too much or a fanfiction is emotionally so strong that i have tears in my eyes or laugh out loud.
Its nothing wrong with being a guy and shipping stuff or with being emotional...hell i just got tears in my eyes when i wrote the part up there about my niece.
Its a weird, eye rolling, thinking im probably the dumbest person in the world reason...i know that.
And i will get rid of this mindset in my head...if i have to fight and scratch, bark and bite to be a tall guy who cries and ships cute couples, who is soft as a teddy bear and easily to get to laugh...then i will do that.
I wanna ship stuff, i wanna be a fanboy, i wanna squeel about two fictional characters being all cute with each other...and i want to do that with others no matter the gender.
So now that i have put this out...the last point and the one im currently most scared about.
Remember the whole “I wanna put myself out there more” thing?
Yeah that is scary.
Since i want to become a writer, make money with writing, get many people to enjoy my books etc...i decided to start with making a facebook account.
And not just some secret thing or so, no i wanna do it like most people do.
Pictures, talking, sharing who i am, what i like and so on.
Thats really scary even to think about it, because of the incredible pressure i feel while thinking im just not good enough.
But i will do it, i will put myself out there...hoping i can be cheeky and funny...because thats what i am...well at least more so while writing in forums etc than in person.
I hope that i can get the attention of people, not only to socialise and make friends...also to sell my book(s)...yeah money rules the world.
I want to make money that is true, but i also want to matter you know?
I want to sit there and be one day proud because i know that people really enjoyed reading my storys, the adventures i write, the dangers the characters i created experienced, i want people to laugh about stuff those characters say and do, hate the villians...or love them, i want to know that i reached people with my own hands...that i was good enough.
This part didnt go into the direction i hoped, but anyway.
To close this off there is one other thing.
Dont know if it sounds creepy or so...but i already put it all out there, whoever is around now can not be scared away...hell i probably just write this for myself so it doesnt really matter.
Anyway...while getting a good look at the stuff Facebook has going...i found also something...the Girl i had a crush on for all my school years.
And as i realize now, the girl i still have a huge crush on.
I never dared to talk to girls, not in school or 7 years ago when my weight was double what it is now and i had no idea what to do with life.
Yeah i throw this out now too...i never had a girlfriend.
Im way...way past 18 years and never even held hands with a girl in a romantic way.
Never really thought anybody would care for me that way...but i digress i think.
Anyway, the girl is still as beautiful as i remember and it gives me a surprising confidence that she doesnt seem to be married and all that.
So maybe there is also Romance in my way...but i dont want to hope too much.
For all i know she doesnt even remember me, i didnt particular made a impression on anybody.
I mostly watched her from far away in school...yeah i know it sounds creepy as hell but i was really shy and unsure.
A part of me thinks that this is my second chance, that this might be how it was supposed to go...but thats more coming from the side that watches too much romance movies and read too many of you peoples great fanfiction in which the same characters fall in love and meet in thousands of different ways.
Either way, i just want to know for now if there could be chance or just if she is happy...maybe it turns out it was just a childhood crush i never gave the time to overcome...maybe its more...i dont know.
But i know that im willing to find out...something a year ago i wouldnt had dared to even think.
So that pretty much sums up the past year and my mindset, what goes on in my little head.
If anybody reads this...im sorry for wasting your time or thank you for listening, it helped me get this stuff off my chest.
Which helps me focus and move forward.
Anyway, thank you very much and like i said before...you got this, you will get through rough times and come out strong...i believe in you.
#Just the long ramblings#of a weirdo#i feel really light now#maybe i should start a diary#or journal#but my handwriting sucks and nobody could read it#which would be a good thing#but not when i cant read the god damn pages too#wait#im lost in the tags XD#Ramblings
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to introduce this. im Fandom Fiction, or Conf. I usually go by the latter. This is, my ‘writing shitdump’. Nothing here is tagged, nothing will ever be linked to this. If someone finds it, dear god, but like, you had to dig so good job. Or you stumbled into it and have no idea what im on about. Tumblr is a weird place. but i digress.
Ill begin with saying this is gonna be depressing as fuck cause its meant to just be where i dump/ramble about shit to get it off my chest to maybe help myself get over things. so fuck it. your warned.
im conf. i work a midnight shift stocking at walmart, and im a fan of almost everything, i say that not exaggerating. yogscast, rooster teeth, a lot of anime and tv shows, cartoons like adventure time, rick and morty, all kind of shit. im into every fandom in at least a small way.
i used to pride myself in being easy going and care free, but well, b ythe paragraphs above you can probably guess thats all gone tits up. i started playing on a mianite fan server after binging 40 hours of streams in 3 days. there i met someone ill just call Red. no relation to name or usernames. we were put in some tough spots together due to some shit that went down story wise, with us robbing the most powerful players in the server of over 800 hours of grinded items. these tight spots facilitated a need for direct communication, so we started skyping and shit and talking for like 10 hours a day. that kind of lead to us both getting crushes on one another but we were too dumb to say anything.
i let it sit too long and she moved on, which fucked me up a lot, but fuckin life so i tried moving on too. thats when i met someone ill call Ears, again no relaion to name or username. she had a crush on me that i didnt know about for ages cause im dense as fuck, but eventually with help from Red she set up an elaborate item hunt to reveal it to me, and we started dating. was awesom, i was starting to feel like my old self again, we talked for 10-ish hours a day every day for almost 9 months straight, we never fought, we always got along and had the same interests and sense of humor.
i was going through a rough patch because my grandma died, and i stopped talking to her at all for around a month. i was just not interested in anything at all for that time, games, youtube, movies, anything. we started talking again, but i had a feeling things were just, not going well. i found out she had erped with a few people, which, we played on an RP server so its like, all IC and its multiplayer lego so who cares, but it kind of ate at me. i convinced myself it was stupid and trivial an that i had no right be to upset over it, which was a bad move, it made things so much worse. i kept up the act mostly though, acting like i was fine. but it all went to shit at once, she broke up with me out of the blue (it felt like), a bunch of friends destroyed all my work and left, telling me to kill myself and shit repeatedly, everythign just fell apart.
i held on, rebuilding more out of spite than anything, but once that wore off i was just left kind of mechanical. i did my usual things, continued working o nthe server, but it was hollow. i stayed that way for about 6 months, but eventually Ears came back, she had genuinly missed me and wanted to get back together aftersome time just talking and being social again. i had internalized too much shit over the last 8 months though, i was a bit of a wreck. i kept up the illusion of happiness still, but i could never make myself break down and tell her.
i finally did start to really let it g othough. my constant doubts about not being good enough, or that shewould leave again faded until i had convinced myself everything was back to how it had been. then of course life has to come in and kick me in the dick. she left me again, it wasnt as bad this time though, we are still friends even now, though i still cant make myself open up about any of this. but it was like the rug was pulled out from under me as i was just getting my footing. and it fucking sucks.
its been another 6 motnhs and im still, a mess. normally with these things, its in waves. so ill be depressed then fine then depressed then fine etc. it slowly gets better. this time its kind of just, slowly gotten worse to the point that im like, really fucking bad off. i cant hold conversations for more thn a few minutes, i space out, i dont eat, or sleep.. the only thing ive eaten in the last, 50 hours ish, is a small bowl of reheated chicken noodle and 3 hershey’s kisses.
every time istart feeling better i randomly just become even worse than i was before, ive like, thought about how i could probably OD on ibuprofen and nobody would find me for a day or so. had to put real effort into, not..
i just, wanted to... do this because i feel like putting things out there in writing can help. can make it feel like ive vented even if noboy hears. i can just scream into the void and fucking hope it works. or some edgy shit.
ive got no motivation to do literally anything so im like fucking willing to try literllally fucking anything.
fuck me, thats the story so far. catchy upy venty bullshit. i just want to go back to how i was before. cause fuck this this sucks.
-conf
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