Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
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My Lyrics for Eve's Demon Dance Tokyo! This song jumped the line of wips, I immediately fell in love with it 😂 I'm really proud of these -- it worked out well and was a blast to sing :D (Lyrics under the cut and my rambly process commentary in the tags lol)
Ah, don't you miss the home from where you came?
So many memories, feel your mind FLY FAR AWAY.
Tread-tread-tread-tread memories in tow,
INSTANT-PARADISE TOKYO.
Humans with such strange STYLE, all confusing me to no end
Jealous of them; wanna join them;
Credentials and such be damned. JUST GIVE ME (a)
SUPERMODEL TO DATE, wouldn't that be lovely?
CAMERAs are my place to be.
STYLE won't you come to me.
Ah, my voice as well has BEAUTIFUL SOUNDS, I’M LOVING IT.
You and me set side by side, I'll face you if you'll risk it.
Now I'm starving! Carefully as possible,
I'll consume you! Thorn-covered and poison-full,
Eating until I feel fed. "I'll have one of each," I said.
Grow wild! The worst follows AFTER BAD.
We'll fall down! Crashing parties that they had.
Conversations charge ahead: the turning point OF THE DEAD.
Endlessly I'm feeling coerced into everything.
Thump, thump, my heart --
Knock, Knock, my heart unlocks, love thump thump thumping like an arrow that's notched.
That dress looks so nice, does it feel too tight?
Now, you lead the way, to each command I will agree.
Do you think he's cool? Do you think he's lame?
It's all the same, let's dance BARRIER FREE.
SHOWTIME starting now, you can't allow yourself to sway.
Shed your worries and their weight, flying fast and far away.
We, the ones the world will never hold in high esteem
Never need to offer flattery, all we do is dream.
Now I’m starving! Even more voraciously
I'll consume you! Opening my arms you'll see
No one can take you from me, you're mine for eternity
Grow wild! Drinking more than I enjoy
We'll fall down! Stumbling I feel destroyed, these city nights show me I'm
A disappearing BOY.
We, the ones the world will never know or write about,
Now, to vast Pacific waters you will hear us shout... (SHAKE'N)
Please, wait a moment, Beautiful. Where is your smile from before?
Are you so sure I can't see that face anymore?
A strong PRIME MINISTER for you is what I became.
I swear to God I'll protect the country called by your name.
If we're close to Hell, never say farewell, please keep your hand holding mine.
I want to dance with you forever, won't you look me in the eye.
Now I'm starving! As ashamed as possible,
I'll consume you! Thorn-covered and poison-full,
Eating until I feel fed. "I'll have one of each," I said.
Grow wild! Gimme an ADVENTURE
We'll fall down! Crashing parties that occur.
This sleepless night, it bores me. SPICE is what it needs.
Now I’m starving! Even more voraciously
I'll consume you! Opening my arms you'll see
No one can take you from me, you're mine for eternity
Grow wild! Drinking more than I enjoy
We'll fall down! Stumbling I feel destroyed, these city nights show me I'm
A disappearing BOY.
And I recorded a little draft! Now listen. I'm really bad at singing. My mic was being annoying. However, I always get frustrated when I can't tell how translyrics are supposed to sound, and wanted to put it all together. It's meant more as rhythm reference than a nice performance 😅
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