every time there’s a fictional situation where anyone’s like “wouldn’t it be better if these two just stayed platonic friends?”, my answer is literally always NO

Because I hadn't said it here since Twitter is the main social media website I use: my series of Mo Ran meta will be long, meticulous and supported by canon evidence as much as possible.

My main thesis is that Mo Ran, just like Chu Wanning, is demisexual and he displays symptoms from the following conditions throughout the novel: BPD, ADHD, and PTSD — As for Chu Wanning, I perceive him as an autistic-coded character who struggles with masking heavily due to the dehumanization that has been enacted in him all of his life.

Having these mental conditions affect Mo Ran's perception on plenty of things, to the point the reader might end up having the incorrect opinions that Mo Ran holds about his person if several of his behaviors aren't analyzed as trauma responses, mental illness symptoms or mere misconceptions due to constant emotional manipulation.

One of the main BPD symptoms that characterize Mo Ran 1.0 is black-and-white thinking, in the sense that he hates Chu Wanning, gradually changes his view on him as he gets to know him better, then goes back to hate when he's triggered. He can only think about Chu Wanning in absolutes (God he admires for his strength and desperately craves approval from/heartless hypocrite)

The second symptom is his warped view of self: he has faith in his cultivation and boasts about his accomplishments as Taxian-Jun, and in the next paragraph he calls himself stupid, uncultured and incapable of grasping difficulty concepts.

As for Mo Ran 2.0, he doesn't like himself at all and experiences full time BPD episodes with dissociation, intrusive thoughts, self-harm and even hallucination. He's the phase of Mo Ran who carries the most gruesome side of BPD and shame.

Now, for Taxian-Jun, I'll focus on the "favorite person" part of BPD and how his impact was so big in baby Mo Ran, his mind latched onto the love he felt for Chu Wanning and tried to find ways to thrive among the hostility that surrounded Taxian-Jun due to the flower.

I'm not a professional, but I'll be basing all of my arguments on my own experiences as a person who struggles with BPD, ADHD and PTSD.

The meta essays I'll be posting throughout the next months are the following (not necessarily in order)

1. Analysis of his core beliefs and ethics and how his love for Chu Wanning turned into an anchor and entire reason of existence, which explains Taxian-Jun's cognitive dissonance when it comes to Chu Wanning.

2. Justification for my theory that he can only be a strict dominant top for claiming control about sex reasons + his PTSD symptoms when he gets restrained or beaten by Tianwen. He could never take degrading talk in bed unlike Chu Wanning, who actively enjoys it.

3. A complete description of all of the BPD and PTSD symptoms displayed in the novel, along with his comorbid ADHD.

4. Examination of all his self-harm behaviors in the novel (including casual sex)

5. His wrong perception about his cognitive skills which comes from all the verbal abuse and internalized classism that he received from multiple sources, but especially Xue Meng, the "beyond remedy" comment, his period of homelessness and his childhood at the brothel.

As for other non-Mo Ran 2ha meta that I want to write eventually, these are the topics I'll be addressing:

1. An analysis of classism and patriarchy in 2ha's cultivation world.

2. Finding evidence for autistic Chu Wanning in canon.

3. Long dive into Chu Wanning's fantasies and how his experiences with sexual assault in 0.5 shaped his tastes in sex, which is Chu Fei's tragedy, because Taxian-Jun was forcing him to experience things he clearly liked but it wasn't out of love, just punishment and humiliation.

Hi! A while ago you made a post about realizing you're demisexual. I've been questioning my own experience of sexuality lately, and what you said about thinking you were just really good at following a Christian sexual ethic kinda hit home for me. I've questioned my experience of sexual attraction (or. lack of it) because I can't help but wonder if I've trained myself to ignore it growing up in the church. Like. How do I know what my genuine experience is?

So anyway this is getting long, but if you're willing to share about it I'd love to hear about your experience, and also your thoughts about labeling sexuality. I'm side b, but as I've been thinking about this for myself I've been questioning whether it's actually valuable to have a label for my experience.

Hi! Welcome to the realm of belated realizations XD The whole "oh wait this is actually a thing" hit for me about a month ago, so we're newbies to this together.

First, my experience: I've dated three guys, and married the third. The first was long distance, and somewhere around the seventh month mark (shortly before we broke up, lol), I found myself wondering what it might be like to kiss him. As a bit of background for you, I was raised to save my first kiss for my wedding day, so that thought was rather daring of me.

My second boyfriend, I liked holding hands, but didn't want to go further. This was partly because I wasn't really attracted to him as a person or really much as a friend. We broke up after three months, when we spent a weekend hanging out at the beach and I felt like I had to entertain him, rather than enjoying his company.

My third boyfriend, the one I married, was again long-distance...and I kissed him about four months after we started dating. Physical chastity was actually a bit of a struggle for us, and now that we're married, I thoroughly enjoy marital relations with him.

So why, then, do I call myself demisexual?

Because I've realized that without a solid relationship, without deep trust and comfortableness and friendship, the idea of sex with someone is uncomfortable to me. Repugnant, even. Those "celebrity lists" of the celebs you'd be allowed to sleep with, no questions asked? I'm baffled by the notion. The whole idea of cheating? Excuse you, you made a commitment. One night stands? y tho.

I spent thirty years of my life thinking I was simply Good At Christian Morals when it comes to sexuality. I'm not lol. I was simply not tempted by the same things others are tempted by.

Why don't I call myself asexual? Because I'm not indifferent to sex and I do actively desire it. I just don't desire it with anyone I'm not comfortable with and close to.

This is a hard one to differentiate, and the thought experiment of "if I were not Christian, would I feel differently?" is likewise hard. I grew up Christian. I live in America, in church circles. "Not Christian" is a bit like asking myself "if I were not American or a woman or white, how would I feel about x?"

I cannot fully comprehend how my upbringing and world views shape my biases.

However, I can talk to other people and recognize differences in how they think and relate to others from how I think and relate to others. I have never in my life looked at a stranger sexually. I've never wanted to kiss someone I didn't know well. All of my sexual desires stayed in the realm of "I want these sensations" apart from any other person until I was married.

This doesn't make me a better Christian. This just means my sexual walk looked different from others.

~~~

Now to the labels question. Frankly, the older I get, the more baffled I am by the controversy over labeling one's sexuality. We're humans. We label everything. God told Adam to name the animals as a means of ordering them. We buy a home, we label the rooms. We make political decisions, we label and sort those decisions. Heck, walk into a grocery store and we've labeled the aisles! We love labels!

Why would we not label our sexual experiences when we find ways to group them? I experience less social sexual desire than others, but I do experience desire. I'm not quite asexual, but I don't fit the experiences of my peers. Demisexual is a great way to explain myself.

But even as I ask why we hesitate to label, I can understand. The LGBTQA+ community has been demonized, oppressed, abused, and harmed by Christianity. Why would someone who calls themself Christian want to label themself "Sinner" and "Outcast"?

I can understand the hesitation. And that isn't good. That honest conversations are a source of fear and shame isn't good. I have no solution to it, but recognizing that the church's attitude is harmful is a good first step.

A good second step, I think, would be to recognize that labeling ourselves can help us understand both ourselves, each other, and how our communities work.

There is no sin in describing yourself as something. Honesty should not be a sin. Use whatever label makes sense to you, love, and may God grant you peace and self-knowledge.

So this doesn’t have to be a feature of all danmei and bl (and in some cases it’s refreshing or adding something to the story to purposefully Not include it which i can appreciate for that), but i personally tend to appreciate when danmei does treat sexuality as somewhat significant. In the sense that like, a straight person is going to view the world a bit differently than a queer person. In terms of what is safe to share and with who, in terms of what norms in society they never questioned versus realize they don’t fit and perhaps its worth considering if some of those molds aren’t things they need to fit (or conversely things they’d like to make compatible to their life), in a lot of ways one’s sexuality somewhat affects how we navigate life.

Not Me the Series, the thai drama, I think is written from a viewpoint of these characters know they’re queer, and that means yeah they sign petitions for queer rights and marriage - and are aware life isn’t already Ideal for them and trans friends, and that intersects in other ways with how they view the law and activism and disability and other minority rights (they all have their own different viewpoints, but it does effect their lived experience and ways of relating and connecting to the wider world). Or pretty much any of my favorite bls honestly - 3 Will Be Free, a lead being bi, a lead being gay, and all 3 leads being polyamorous affect how the world they’re in views them. New show Never Let Me Go used Ben to highlight how just being out or not out effects one’s life and friendships, The Eclipse had the femme queer kids be the protestors for freedom of expression, Ayan’s character being brave about investigating is at least somewhat shaped by being out already and having already Had to be brave and love himself and believe in himself and his friends, in having role models that were queer like him he looked up to and became brave with the help of. To me, I appreciate when this kind of stuff is an influence on how the characters act because like. Me being demisexual sure doesn’t affect me much you’d think, but it effects how I understand or don’t conversations with others, media, how I view important relationships with friends in society and the lack of legal ways to help each other compared to spouses, etc. Even if in theory it should only come up when i’m dating, in reality it still shapes how i’m living in the world. so i like it being at least present in the background of characterizations. (Like? Even if they live in a perfect idealized world where there’s no homophobia, no lack of rights, like some bl, surely being different from the majority sexuality still effects them idk maybe wanting to be More Overt about their attraction so people get they’re being flirty? Something. Bad Buddy isn’t a perfect example, but it’s a servicable one I’d say, of a story that minimizes the real world effects of one’s sexuality’s in experiencing life but still shows some ways it changes how people relate to the world. Pran is secretive, not super open to admiting he’s dating someone, liking men is fine but societially its still more Daunting to admit - especially Pat given the specific ‘enemy families’ thing. Pat’s little sister Pah likes Ink but doesn’t even realize liking girls is an option until someone says it - which is true to life, plenty of people don’t realize they might be queer until they learn its even a Possible Thing. Pat has his past with Pran click into place when HE realizes he could like a guy, and probably no doubt a lot about being bi clicks into place when he realizes in retrospect. For me this is a nice middle ground when you want to play with “more idealized world” than say Moonlight Chicken’s reality, but you don’t want to make it so fantasy that it’s like the Sims games and sexuality has zero bearing on their interactions with the world. Like... not for everyone but for some people, finding out you’re gay might affect your politics and if you consider worrying about minority rights. It might affect how you consider discussing/admitting things to a doctor or boss, if you’re as open about your dating life to colleagues as they are. Sure people might have supportive circles and no issues, but somewhere down the line in the real world they might worry ‘if i cross into x place am i even safe to be me’. When the story gets SO fantastically ‘ideal’ that part of our real experience is gone. Which again - in some stories thats the point, its interesting to explore a world unlike ours. But for me its not my favorite story to sink into usually. 

(Also now that I’m thinking of it, Kabe Koji was one jdrama bl that was ‘realistic’ in a way I really liked. It handled jpop in a critical way, but gently. Mangaka industry in a critical way, but gently emotionally. The difference between out and proud mangaka and more reserved private ones like the lead, and the lead’s friend being both a bit critically overt depiction of a fujioshi but also with her heart in the right place. Akin to the kind of girl you maybe met in your teen years, or really might still meet at a yaoi doujin convention. The stalker paparazzi guy following the jpop guy, an acknowledgement that outing someone as gay can be cruel and horrifically just ‘part of the job’, again handling the issue critically but gently on one’s heart. Ending optimistically, reminding one that even in our real world with all these problems - where even the gay mangaka making yaoi for a living is dealing with them just as real for him, we can make our way and be happy and have a good life with friends, family, and loved ones.)

Priest is one of my favorite danmei writers for including that character’s sexualities do have life-wide effects in how they interact with the world (that I’ve read so far because surely there are A LOT of great writers who include this sort of thing as they’re most of the authors i’ve read so far, so there must be more). We’ve got Zhao Yunlan who’s got perfectly tolerant/accepting coworkers, is certainly confidently out when it comes to hitting on crushes or discussing his relationship life with friends (<3 same Zhao Yunlan same), but a dad who’d be disappointed in and hate him even if he Were straight, a mom who probably wanted grandkids and is realistically not perfectly-happy she might not get any but she loves her son and it doesn’t really matter. Silent Reading where... fuck every single main character’s sexuality REALLY shapes their life interactions. Tao Ran being straight is critical - so much literally just would NOT go the same if he were bi. Luo Wenzhou being gay in the police, his higher ups having ‘bad rumors’ about it as if it’s not a good thing, but his close higher ups also admiring his good work and talent and realizing they’re too fond of him to really care if he’s gay, how that does in fact affect his work life and how Good must he have been these years for potentially biased/homophobic fellow police to still promote him. Being the kind of man who even can have a best friend - and a best friend who’s very open to all of who he is without secrets. Him being less warm to women than say Zhao Yunlan, another ‘talented police chief’ who’s much more suave/smooth with all parties. Him viewing his singleness in a less guilty way then say someone who’s parents expect marriage and a family (like Tao Ran’s family does), and that affecting how he views him and Tao Ran’s similarities and thinking TR could’ve kept on like Captain Luo - but also realizing acceptingly when TR cant - he’s got a different life path and different concessions/choices he’s got to make. And Fei Du like? How he related to and understands both Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou’s pov is affected by being bi and getting both of their povs a bit, he surrounds himself presumably by bi friends (Like Zhang Donglan) so he can be himself, he mainly flirts with women when he’s alone possibly because it’s more socially easy to do without anyone being surprised, he’s probably aware in some way he has yet another aspect of himself that’s not mainstream society and does that influence him feeling like an outsider (or that’s perhaps not what his dad envisioned of the perfect successor). It’s a trait he can relate to Luo Wenzhou over, and one of the Easiest traits he finds to relate over as he grows up (their rival crush on Tao Ran being the first easiest point they can see “eye to eye” on). In Tian Ya Ke, Wen Kexing being into men affects his personality, how Zhou Zishu is immediately sure and weary he’s being hit on, the way Wen Kexing is very overtly flirty and flamboyant and himself implies he doesn’t care or fear standing out or being unacceptable to someone in society, helps show his confidence, his propensity to enjoy things, if he wasn’t gay how different might his character be. He wouldn’t be the same. I haven’t read much of Can Ci Pin, but set in the future I can imagine sexuality (like say in Bad Buddy) has very little world-life restrictions. I have read enough to know one of the leads is bi and that’s stated at some point early, which to me implies it will still show in how it effects his interaction with the world. (Also just... as a bi person... I very much appreciate the plethora of bisexual lead characters in priest novels who are out about it. It makes me feel seen, and real, and when I was growing up biphobia was intense and everyone insisted bi people weren’t real, that I needed to ‘pick’ and I had nothing to really look to and go but i am real i’m like X. It wasn’t until i was older and found the queer community online I felt like i belonged and was seen. And it wasn’t until maybe the last 10 years I saw a lot more explicitly bisexual characters in media. So maybe someday someone grows up, like me, but never feels they don’t belong and aren’t supposed to exist. Maybe they always know bi and pan and queer people are around, just like them, and so it’s not so isolating when they figure out about themselves.)

About Dream’s Tweets...

To begin with, I’m demisexual and have been part of the community for years - I think I have pretty good credence to speak on this matter. I try not to throw my two cents into situations like this because I can’t stand the ignorant responses of the internet anymore at my age - DeviantArt Dark Ages vet right here - but sometimes I just have to. Whether you agree or not, I could honestly care less, but I would appreciate it if you read everything and gave it some thought before responding, be it positive or negative. With that said, let’s dive in...

At this point, if people are taking the shipping/fanservice jokes and banter between the Dream Team and other creators surrounding them seriously, I don't know what to tell them or really even say, honestly. They've all stated they're not looking to start relationships with each other - multiple times and on-stream/Twitter, might I add, because people keep donating and asking/demanding an answer to both that and about their sexualities - and that it's just messing around with friends. (If we want to talk about making people uncomfortable and being offensive in that regard, don’t you worry because I've got opinions on that too.) Bottom line is, you can't get mad at them for the fan-service now when you supported it before, especially when nothing has changed and they’ve been transparent about how everything actually is.

I understand that some may feel it’s an insensitive and inappropriate thing to do in some regards, and that's perfectly valid, but please don't go mobbing through the town with pitchforks over literal jokes between friends. Keep in mind, they’ve made it clear that’s all it was before people starting jumping down their throats, and still there are groups using their sexuality to attack them over it because "YoU'rE nOt MlM sO yOu CaN't MaKe ThOsE jOkEs, YoU'rE hOmOpHoBiC!!!!!" They're even openly attacking lesbians and bisexuals - whether they agree with them or not - because they're not gay and that somehow renders their words “invalid.” You can't accuse them of being ignorant for messing around as friends because it entertains the fans, and then turn around to attack literally the entire rest of the community for offering their opinions because they aren't valid enough for you in the argument to count - that makes you ignorant. You also can’t claim to be of the opinion that everyone’s sexuality is their own business, but then demand for them not to be ambiguous about it when it pleases you. Honestly, even thinking about people doing that is so incredibly hypocritical that it gives me whiplash.

I completely understand not everyone is a fan of this behavior, but to accuse them of queerbaiting, being homophobic and faking allyship over it all right now is just ridiculous and borderline disgusting to me. They've made it clear they're not romantically interested in one another countless times and that it's just fun between friends because they're super close - they aren't playing the "Am I, or am I not?" game with anyone for gain so no, they're not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when it’s not explicitly said at any point whether someone is or isn’t LGBTQIA+ so they can play both the community and conservative side by putting them in ambiguous situations that can lean one way or the other for gain, whether it be monetary or otherwise. Not to mention, if they were really as “homophobic” and “falsely allied” as everyone thinks, why would other LGBTQIA+ creators such as Antfrost, Eret, Scott Major, etc. not only support them, but also consider them friends? Again, I get the offense and hurt people might have taken from this behavior, but your opinions and feelings are ultimately not universal so while they are all valid, that doesn't make them right and the final say on the matter. I don’t mean this to say you’re wrong or inferior in the argument, just that you can’t demand others to see your point of view and abide by it without granting them the same respect. The road goes both ways kiddos, I’m sorry. 

Side note, there's no one to blame but the fans themselves for the jokes and whatnot to have continued on this long because they not only supported it, but also actively encouraged it. It’s been taken so seriously that Dream has outright stated on a stream - and now on Twitter - that he and George aren't together and more than likely never will be because they're honest to goodness just really good friends screwing around. Now if you think you're uncomfortable as part of the community, how do you think they feel being accused every five minutes of being against it because they won’t openly state their sexuality? Not to mention, they can't ever talk about actual relationships or joke about other ships because people will literally send death threats to whoever the other party is because they're "rUiNiNg ThE sHiP" at this point - need I remind you of the Septiplier fiasco? It’s alright if it’s a persona or a personality, but for the love of all things holy, please stop treating people like Barbie dolls that you’re trying to make kiss. They gave us the go-ahead to ship them because it makes us happy and allows us to be creative with the concept - don’t ruin it by trying to force them to play the parts you’ve constructed in your head and then get pissy because they won’t.

Also, it is unbelievably messed up for you to donate money to ask their sexuality and/or for them to tell each other that they love them - which then basically makes it a demand because if they ignore it they get blasted for not responding and “taking their money.” For example, Dream will say he loves any of his friends without issue because he does - just not in the way everyone is assuming or wants - and that's just the type of person he is, but George doesn't like to express it that way and that's okay. He shows his love in other ways that we don't always need to know about or see to make it real, just as it is with anyone else in the world. I don’t know how so many people miss it, but when he gets a donation to tell Dream - or anyone for that matter - he loves him on stream, you can easily tell how uncomfortable it makes him - and yes Dream presses/teases him about it sometimes, but he still drops it and doesn't flame him for it for eternity. Those that donate and chat, on the other hand, will not let it go when he doesn’t say it and continue to pour donations in begging him to say it when he’s already made it clear he won’t. You honestly shouldn't be bribing them to say or do anything through donation because that's beyond messed up and manipulative, especially where these matters are concerned.

And even if they weren't straight - which used to be the case and may have changed by this time, we can’t determine such things nor should we try to - or were in a relationship with each other, it isn't any of your goddamn business to know - no way, no how. What they do offline and out of the public eye isn't anyone's business but their own and people need to respect that, not try to force it out of them or play detective to dox that information for the attention. I mean, if you want a good reason as to why Dream hasn't done a face reveal yet, this is absolutely number one on the list because there will be little to no form of privacy for him after he does and he isn't ready to lose that just yet. I certainly can’t blame him for that considering all that’s been happening to him and his friends as of late, and neither can multiple other creators who hold the same beliefs and fears - ie. CorpseHusband, H20Delirious, Ohmwrecker. No one should have to tip-toe on eggshells in their personal life because fans online don't understand boundaries, that's just cruel and unfair after providing the content and comfort that they do without asking anything but support in return.

At the end of the day, I truly just don't understand how people can join in and support the jokes that they've made clear are purely just messing around, but then turn around and crucify them for the exact same thing later down the road. How can you practically harass them about their sexuality and relationship status through providing monetary means, then go on a witch hunt because they’ve decided to be more private with that information in the present? You can't play both sides and then expect to somehow be right or justified in the situation whichever way the tide turns because, at that point, the only wrong one is you. I completely agree that they need to watch their step with what they say and do sometimes - just as everyone with a strong platform does - but only more so now because people will create a problem the second they do anything that could spin into them being horrible people with too much power.

They’re all still incredibly fresh and new to the realm of social media popularity all things considered, and they reached said popularity startlingly fast so it can’t be easy to adjust to all the attention on everything you say and do. With that said, they’re doing remarkably well so far and I have faith that they’re going to continue to learn and grow in this arena given the time. They might mess up and make mistakes - already have, in fact - but that’s part of the gig and you can’t always please or satisfy everyone, so the best you can do is acknowledge your faults and move forward. You can’t demand someone’s head on a pike when they’ve made an effort to right things and it wasn’t good enough for everyone, it’s just not a fair standard to hold anyone to. In that same vein, you also can’t demand whatever you want out of them with the excuse that they owe it to you as a fan - you’re not a fan in any way, shape or form when you play that card, and you need to either shape up or ship out if you're doing that.

If you don't support it and/or don't like it, just don't follow or watch them anymore, it’s truly as simple as that. You can't continue to watch and support them as a “fan” while also touting how ignorant and horrible they are as detractors, that's just not how it works - pick one or the other and stop attacking them and those that don’t agree with you. They’re only on year one of their careers and the amount of people trying to “cancel” and tear them down over things that really aren't issues already is ridiculous, you aren't the righteous keyboard warriors you think you are and it's things like this that are ruining the internet for everyone, not just you.

That’s all I have to say on the matter and will continue to say going forward - sorry if you came here looking for my usual nonsense, but I really felt this needed to be said and addressed. I usually try not to do these sort of rants, however, this is a serious matter and a discussion that we as a community have been needing to have for a while, so now’s as good a time as any.

So, with my peace being given and my two cents thoroughly tossed, why don’t we focus on the bigger issues with YouTube such as their blatant ignorance of pedophilia and copyright abuse? Those seem like a much bigger problems to address at this point in time since that effects creators and fans as a whole - both in the present and the future - don’t you think?

Congratulations Rachie!

Your application for Narcissa Malfoy has been accepted. I am so excited to have both halves of one of my favourite pairs around, and to see Narcissa being amazing and calm and collected even when facing a total upheaval of her world—again.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Rachie / She/her

AGE: 29

TIMEZONE: GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I can generally be on every day for a few hours, and then a little bit more at the weekends! I work full time (and am currently in temp housing) but I try to find time each day to be online cause rping is my stress relief!

ANYTHING ELSE: No triggers. But I’ve been rping in the HP world for approx 10ish years? I’ve rped on a dedicated site, and then more recently on tumblr. I’ve also been rping non-HP role plays on tumblr on and off for about five years.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Narcissa Violetta Malfoy (neé Black)

BIRTHDATE: 31st August 1956

DEATHDATE: N/A

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis Woman, she/her and Demisexual. When asked, Narcissa would more than likely say she was straight, and has probably never been attracted to anyone not male. But in actual fact it is the emotional connections she has with a person that really leads to the eventual sexual attraction. In actual fact since she has had a strong emotional bond, and relationship with Lucius, she has never looked at anyone else in that manner at all.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

OCCUPATION: Technically Narcissa is unemployed, and most of the Wixen world would view her as a housewife, and having never worked a day in her life. In actual fact Narcissa has ‘worked’ as a private     potioneer ever since she graduated Hogwarts. She brews and works out of Malfoy manor. Of course, she’s very exclusive, and charges very high rates. It was generally the other purebloods that she would brew potions for.

FACECLAIM: Charlize Theron

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

If there was one thing that drove Narcissa more than anything it was her family. She had always been a family person, and to her there was nothing more important than the family she had created. They were the reason she made the choices she did, and why she betrayed the Dark Lord. One might not even call it a betrayal. Technically she wasn’t a death eater. She was never marked. But it was clear to the Wixen world the side she had chosen. But she had chosen to betray the cause anyway, and she does not regret it. The war hadn’t been anything she had really wanted, and so for it to end, was something she was grateful for.

She isn’t the woman she was then though. Not anymore. In the manor, she might seem more like herself. But she sometimes finds herself more clingy, or more in need of physical contact. It sucks because she doesn’t really have many people that want to hug her anymore. Her relationship with her husband sometimes feels strained. She still adores Lucius, but it’s been more difficult since the war. They both went through so much, and are both still working through things. But what Narcissa knows is that she will always love and be dedicated to her husband, regardless of the choices he made.

These days Narcissa is just taking each day as it comes. She still worries that someone might change their mind about the Malfoy’s getting a pardon. She could probably talk her way out of getting imprisoned, technically she was never actually involved. But she worried about what a jail sentence would do to her husband and son. She tries to hold her little family together and navigate through the world.

But she is fearful. Fearful of what will happen if her sister, or the dark lord come back through that veil. She betrayed them, and she knows they will come for her if that happens. Now she’s just praying it won’t happen.

PERSONALITY

positive traits: Loving, Loyal, Fighter, Determined, protective negative traits: Manipulative, Calculating, Cold, worrier

Narcissa has always been a loving, loyal and protective person. She has always been a person with a huge heart, even if from the outside people might disagree. When she loves, she loves hard, and it is almost impossible for her to stop loving someone. This of course was tested when Andromeda left. If being honest, Narcissa still loves her sister, but she had to turn away, if only to protect herself. The bonds she forms are deep, and very emotional. They can be taxing, and sometimes too much.

As loving and friendly she is to those lucky enough to be close to her, Narcissa is also incredibly calculating, cold and manipulating. She has an extraordinarily strong talent in manipulating people to do her wishes. Add a cold exterior, and she managed to get a ice queen reputation. To be honest, it kind of amused her, as it was really so far how she would describe herself. But it fended off the people that she once thought weren’t good enough to be around her. It’s been a reputation she’s found hard to shake off in recent years, and she stills finds herself having to prove that she is kind and caring. Narcissa still doesn’t care too much about what people think of her though. People will talk about her regardless.

Narcissa is incredibly academically talented. Sadly at school she wasn’t really allowed to pursue a career, and her parents didn’t want her to focus too much on her schooling. But Narcissa was very clever. Her best subject was potions, and she was determined to carry on brewing, even after she graduated. It was a huge stress reliever for her, and she know being able to brew, and escape from reality, is something that kept her sane over the years.

Family has always been important to Narcissa, and if anything was the main driving factor in everything that she did. That is something that is being tested at the moment, especially with Bellatrix being back. She always said she would be loyal to her family, but this was a little too far. It is something she is really struggling with, and she finds that she really doesn’t have anyone to talk too about it.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

The one thing striking from her childhood was the need to always be perfect. The Black sisters had to be perfect in every sense of the manner. It was a tough childhood, one filled with distant parents that never seemed to be quite happy enough. Narcissa was lucky in the sense that she was the baby of the three, but even then, she wasn’t a boy, and so her father would always be disappointed. Along with the need to be perfect, became the need to be pure. The law of being pure was pressed into her from a young age, and breaking that law became something that the young girl would become terrified.

The only decent thing really was her sisters. The three Black sisters formed a bond like no other, and Bellatrix and Andromeda were big factors in making her happy. Having her sisters love made the disappointment her parents expressed a little more tolerable. Everything would be okay as long as she had her sisters.

But then suddenly she didn’t have Andromeda, and it felt like her world was collapsing around her. The net suddenly got tighter then, and Narcissa probably couldn’t have left even if she had wanted too. Narcissa was just lucky that she was soon an adult, and could at least escape her parents house. They might have still had some influence on her, but she had a bit more freedom then.

Growing up in the Black family was hard. She always had to be perfect, and she always had to be pure. But the love she got and expressed for her sisters helped to shape Narcissa into who she became, and for that she couldn’t regret, or want to change anything that she had gone through.

HISTORY

To be honest, just before the end of the war her life was pretty terrible. The death eaters were running out of her house, and she felt like her life was being dictated. This wasn’t what she signed up for when she married Lucius, and she hated it. She hated not feeling comfortable, or happy in her own home. Tensions were high, and the only reason she survived was because of her family. It was tense with Lucius too, but he and Draco kept her going. She had to keep them safe, and that gave her a purpose.

Before then, before the dark lord had returned, her life has been pretty great. She got to do basically whatever she wanted, and it made her happy. Sure, she should have been upset that they hadnt won the first war. But, she was just happy that she got to live the life she wanted. She brewed her potions, and she had her family close. Family was the most important thing to her, and she was just glad that they were safe. The world might mistrust them, but they were safe, and for that she would be forever grateful.

The second wizarding world was hard for Narcissa. She shared the view points of the death eaters, but it took her husband away from her. First, at night, when he went on tasks for the dark lord, and then completely when he was sent to Azkaban. It was only her loyalty, and her love of her family, that kept her in that manor. Her love for Lucius was tested, but her marriage vows never faltered. For better, for worse.

She was a Black and a Malfoy, and so, at Lucius’ side was where she stayed. If that was the right choice….. only time would tell.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Narcissa has always been one of my favourite characters in the harry potter world. I love being able to really delve into who she is, and what drove her to become who she did. We get so little about her in the books, and so I love basically having a blank slate to work on. It really interests me in being able to play Narcissa, and see who she is as a person. There is so much more to Cissa than just being a mother, and I love the opportunity to explorer this.

This roleplay has such an interesting idea. Not only does it have the post-war to explore, which is so interesting for the the Malfoys. But it also has the fact that people are coming back from the dead. Technically Narcissa is a traitor to both sides, and it’s something that I am really looking forward to exploring! I’m also looking forward to exploring the relationship between Lucius and Narcissa, and seeing how this was shaped and changed by the outcome of the war. Lucissa is my fave HP ship, and this is something that really excites me!

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing right now, but i’ll probably set her up an pinterest cause I love creating aesethetics for my charries!

@hannikka Regarding a comment on this post. “i know this ask has nothing to do with me, but i will be honest with you, before you said to take this with a grain of salt i was going to fight you XD (not really, but still XD) because i definitely and actually fell in love as in real lovewhen i was very young and it lasted years, so i was horrified for a moment, but then again like you, said our experiences are not universa” Again, like I said, I have not been a child in a very long time and I am demisexual so my threshold for attraction is VERY different from the standard. I can only speak from my experiences as a child and what I’ve seen regarding other kids I’ve worked with. It’s not impossible to fall in love, real genuine love, as a kid. I just think that’s VERY rare for it to happen and it seems to be the exception rather than the rule. Obviously this is anectdotal rather than data driven and even then, in the USA, narratives involving children and romance are heavily sanitized because in the USA implying that children are people with feelings like adults is very scary strawberry territory for censors because god forbid we imply children are complex people. Even worse if we imply children and adults can be friends, good heavens. The USA tiptoes around intergenerational friendships like a plague corpse in the street because if something even remotely resembles pedophilia, it’s BAD. Like, the USA buries that shit so hard, to the point where when the Professor Layton games came out I was confused for the longest time about what relation Luke had to Layton because in the USA one does not simply just have a grown man mentoring a young boy that isn’t his son or a blood relative of some sort. Like... there were memes about Layton being a guy that kidnaps orphans because that, for some reason, seemed more probable than the actual explanation which is that Luke is the son of one of Latyon’s close friends, and he and Luke bonded over solving a mystery together in town. Hell, even Layton being adopted was kind of a revelation for me when that showed up in the narrative because the USA had a BAD track record of underrepresenting non-traditional family structures. So I’m sure my view on children is partially cultural as well. The USA doesn’t want to admit it but we’re STILL barely out of that old phase of “children should be seen and not heard” bullshit of treating kids like extensions of their parents and swung right around to some weird other extreme of “if we even acknowledge kids at all, we either make them wise beyond their years or infantalize them to hell and back because what even is a child anyway? Baby? Yeah, we know what that is. Helpless cinnamon roll that can never do anything bad ever. Teenager? Yeah we know what that is. That’s like that weird stage of development where you’re like an adult but with now power and lots of feelings and you’re terrible with everything. IDK if I just grew up overly sheltered (which is probably the case) but like... seeing all these new shows on Netflix that acknowledge that teenagers have sex feels... transgressive somehow. Like, I LIKE that we’re acknowledging it. Because we’ve known for ages it happens and clearly doing pearl-clutching and trying to pretend it doesn’t won’t stop teen pregnancy. But it feels so terribly RECENT that we’re actually not actively shoving that under the rug. The Lion King (the good animated one, not the CG one) firmly cemented in my head when I was a wee baby watching it that “friends” and “lovers” were separate categories (even though Nala and Simba are a couple, LOL) because like, yeah, thinking about getting married to my best friends was WEIRD (even at a time in my life when a lot of my friends were boys. XD) So I was totally with Simba when he was like “Ew, I can’t marry her! She’s my friend!” It’s really only been in recent years that the idea of friendship and romantic/sexual relationships aren’t mutually exclusive has become mainstream. Or at least, it’s only recently that I aged into a group where these stories were targeted. IDK, I feel like I’m getting into the weeds here and talking in circles. But the point is YES, I am totally only speaking from my own experiences here, I am 100% not an authority, I am only giving an opinion, and my opinion is largely shaped by experiences and media that are not universal by any means. XD. I was relatively sheltered, have conservative parents, was a neuroatypical child and still am neuroatypical as an adult, turned out to be demisexual which is pretty different considering most of the world is some flavor of allosexual, an I grew up in the USA where basically the only acceptable adult/child relationships are parent/child and teacher/student (and if you’re a teacher you’re on thin fucking ice, fucking YIKES) because the USA treats every other possible interaction between an adult and child as highly suspect. The only factors I have mitigating these views is that I’ve worked with kids and took developmental psychology in college. So I am aware children are a lot more complex than the culture in the USA gives them credit for being. Children aren’t some weird alien species. They’re largely just very tiny adults with very little power/little ability to act on their agency and very little experience. I have met 10 year olds I would trust more than I trust myself, honestly. Kids that are more mature than me and just... understand things I would definitely NOT have at the same age. So, like, again, I’m not saying it’s impossible for kids to fall in love. I’m just saying that usually kids aren’t concerned with that, and when they ARE, they’re usually practicing the particulars of love. but this is just from my own childhood and my limited experience working with grade school kids. Kids I worked with were far more interested in friendships than romances, and as a kid, my romantic interests were, like, Link from Ocarina of Time and I couldn’t decide if I liked fucking Knuckles the Echidna as a dad or as a boyfriend and I think I settled on dad material because I have an old old old illustrated story that I might have even uploaded here where Knuckles is my dad. XD So, like, for real, take my opinions with a FAT grain of salt because I am literally just a goofy goober and have been in exactly 2 romantic relationships and one of them only lasted a year. XD (The other is basically from college until now which is practically 10 years, but also largely long-distance so, like. Definitely not the usual experience. XD) But also, for real, if I say something controversial, weird, or just plain wrong, you can 100% feel free to fight me because I am an idiot and I say dumb shit all the time. That one debunked post that went around about the “Azhar Library bombing” is a big case in this. XD I am basically an educated adult child. I know some things, but more than anything I know enough to realized that I actually know VERY LITTLE and my whole life should be a learning experience. So I am absolutely not opposed to being wrong and getting taught things because that’s honestly half the reason I’m even remotely as good a person as I am today because I was a garbage kiddo and a garbage teenager and still probably a garbage young adult and was educated out of it. I have a lot of internalized beliefs that were changed because of college and listening to people online, and I can only learn more and grow more my having good friends throw down and fight me over stuff when I say a dumb thing. XD Literally I am probably only on the Left because good people educated me on politics when no one else would. I legit could have been one of those awful cases of a disenchanted teen that was led down the alt-right pipeline. Scary to think of but my parents weren’t teaching me so thankfully better people stepped up to do it. So, legit, you are welcome to fight me any time, man. I want to learn. I want to be inoculated against bad ideas and educated away from any bad opinions I hold.

My (Updated) Masterpost for Asexuality [2020]:

Some Youtube Videos I found Really Lovely and Validating:

Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths

Ace-Spec and Are-Spectrum Book Recommendations

And Some LGBTQIA+ Channels That Bring Up Asexual Experiences:

Rowan Ellis

Problems of a Book Nerd

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Some Shows with Confirmed Asexual Characters:

Sex Education

Bojack Horseman

Liv in ‘Emmerdale’ (UK Soap)

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce “a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation” but only as it compared to the “conscious intellectual activity” he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton’s supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though “the Florence Nightingale effect” is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect’s namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who’s asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion,“ also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and…to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality (NOTE: Some of these are coming out later this year, August and September 2020):

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess: Brave, witty and empowering, this graphic memoir follows Rebecca as she navigates her asexual identity and mental health in a world obsessed with sex. From school to work to relationships, this book offers an unparalleled insight into asexuality.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, And The Meaning Of Sex by Angela Chen: An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity. What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face–confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships–are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice’s last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual. Now Alice is sure she’s done with dating… and then she meets Takumi. She can’t stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated– or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha ‘Tash’ Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn’t want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash’s eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash’s confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn’t interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she’ll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn’t that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways” into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the “real” world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it’s the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it’s going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean’s 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father’s company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego “d0l0s,” it’s college and then a career at “one of the big ones,” like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT–but the student loan she’d been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father–one Robert Foster–is loaded. Nari isn’t about to let her friend’s dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

Loveless by Alice Oseman: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman - one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.It was all sinking in. I'd never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush -  but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she's sure she'll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia's ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her 'teenage dream' is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her - asexual, aromantic -  Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along? This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn't limited to romance.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she’s the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn’t end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTQIA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

A Lot of Ace (An Ace Positivity Blog on Tumblr ♥)

The one about the WIPweek II

               Your Newest WIP: Soulmates.

Fandom/Themes

Soulmates: Seeing colours. Ace spectre / Demisexuality?

Summary

Really simple. Chiara comes back to her hometown in order to help her best friend to pack her stuff and move out. In between all the junk he accidentally discovers that she is able to see in colours.

At some point, she’s met her soulmate.

However, unlike every romantic comedy, book or even anecdote she’s aware of, Chiara doesn’t remember having that sudden realization when everything is suddenly starkly clear or any realization at al. Now, Chiara is actually aware that people don’t necessarily experience their soulmate meeting the same way. Her best friend is living proof of that. She’s had their colours for as long as Chiara had known her but is unsure – or unwilling to talk- about who there are.

The short follows her and her friend going through photographs and Chiara’s memories to pinpoint that moment of change.

That being said, even if I still treat it as a short story, is astonishing the amount of words I’ve been able to put on it. Particularly as I am an Underwriter that have add more words when they edit.

The Story behind the story

I reaaaaaally like soulmate AUs. For me, it would mean the world to have that assurance. Without mattering who you are, how long it will take or whoever you feel about yourself, there’s someone in the world that’s meant to love you in the way that you need. Even though at the same time I am sure I would still feeling like I’m the exception to every rule about it.

Now, there some great exceptions can be found, depending of fandom but the truth is that they’re that, exceptions. Soulmate AU usually follow an extremely narrow point of view, which is what ended up making me wonder how differently would it work in different contexts.

I do stretch the suspense of disbelief a lot on this one, considering how memory actually works. I’m still not sure if it works, as I haven’t shown it to anybody else yet.

What was the intention? / What do I like about it?

Again, kind of exploring other possibilities. At some point, notes was more or less like a random generator where I would pair different circumstances with a type of Soulmate AU and try to make sense out of it. However, the one I came back is something akin to demisexuality, or at least how I understand demisexuality as the label I feel represents me.

That’s about where the similarities end, though.

As far as I know, this might be the first of a series. Going back to those first notes seem interesting and I’ve been reading as well on the A/B/O AUs as well… who knows what’ll come out of it? Hell, I’m all up for prompts or questions regarding any soulmate AU or situation/gender identity/sexuality/etc.

Still working on it?

Yup. While I’m focusing at the moment on putting some order to the fuckton of notes, info, headcannons and loose shit to finally shape my original work, this story, in particular, is really helpful as warmer exercise. Right after I finish using WIPweek to gauge the number of words per Pomodoro units and to declutter my head and workspace.

Why is still on WIP?

I’m not yet halfway through the first draft, as it kind of got bigger than expected. This project is also doubling as training for me to keep pushing forward instead of doubling back to edit EVERY TIME I reopen the document. It is the second iteration, though, as I lost the paper with my real first draft.

Verdict?

I like this thing and I’m still working on it. It keeps spamming other ideas and approaches (especially when I’m at work) but I don’t want to have a hundred –more- bunnies taking residence.

Also, any idea of what would be a good platform to post original works once it’s done? Bear in mind that this might be the first of a series.

We’re Not Broken Hearted

My slightly late contribution for @lgbtqvld‘s End of Summer Bash featuring broganes.

Link to Ao3

Day 3: Ace/Aro-spec | Camping

    Shiro planted his foot on a protruding rock, his fingers wrapped around a conveniently placed, thick tree branch. Carefully, he shifted his weight, bracing himself with the wooden appendage, and made it across the end of the particularly steep area of the trail. He turned around, checking on the status of his hiking partner.

    Keith intently watched his older brother’s every move and then went forward on his attempt to do the same. He placed his left foot on the same rock, grabbing the bark, and tried to force himself to shift his weight the same way Shiro had. When that plan failed, his eyes shifted around the area to find a new plan to conquer the grass-barren land in front of him.

    “Here, take my hand.” Shiro extended his arm towards Keith. He waited until Keith had a firm hold on his prosthetic hand and then assisted him in reaching the higher ground.

    “Thanks.”

    “Anytime. Do you still want to keep going?”

    “Of course I do. There’s no point in turning around. We already made it this far. We have less than a mile to go.”

    “I know. It’s just steep, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

    “I’ll be fine, Shiro.”

    “Are you sure?”

    “Yes.”

    “Alright. Tell me if you change your mind.”

    “I won’t.”

    Shiro glanced down at the ground the pair had just tackled, “That’s going to be fun going down.”

    “You’re the one who wanted to take this trail. I suggested we take the one to the lake, but you said, ‘No Keith. I want to see the top of the mountain’.”

    “We’ve been to the lake a million times Keith, and it’s always crowded.”

    “Okay, but you’ve been away at campus for months. I don’t do the harder trails by myself very often. There’s a thing called building up stamina.”

    “Are you saying I’m in better shape than you?”

    “No. I’m just not an idiot and don’t go this far out alone.”

    “All I hear is complaining.”

    “Oh my God Shiro. Shut up.”

    “Then stop complaining.”

    “I will when you stop being stupid.”

    “Look, look, we’re almost there.”

    “We better be.”

    “Look, right between those trees.” Shiro pointed to a select spot in the woods, his line of sight narrowing to a spot between a few trees that emitted light from the other side.

Keith stretched up onto his toes to get a better view of what Shiro was referencing. “So only that much further?”

“Yep.”

“You better not be getting us lost.”

“I won’t. Promise.”

“If it’s right there, why don’t we just go off the trail and walk to it instead of going all the way around?”

“Because we’re supposed to stay on the trail.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Then I’ll meet you there.” He trudged off the trail and toward the spot Shiro had pointed out to him.

“Keith! Wait!” Shiro called before quickly changing his plans, so he could follow his younger brother. He watched Keith step out into the open, then did the same. The area was decorated with large rocks, each fitting together and not meshing simultaneously. Peeking above the large stones was an unbeatable view of the town. Each building was shrunk, as if what was below them was a miniature world, and they were the men that built it.

Keith reached above him, grabbing onto the top of a large rock. He hoisted himself up and stood tall above the world.

“Keith! Get down!”

“Make me.”

“Keith!” Shiro climbed the same rock, leaving a good amount of distance as not to get too close to his younger brother, lest they both tumble down the mountainside.

“See, it’s a nice view.”

“Well, you are right about that,” Shiro agreed, plopping down on the semi-flat surface of the slab Keith had claimed. Keith joined him, and the two sat in a comforting silence, appreciating the breathtaking view they had been blessed with.

Eventually, it was Keith who broke the silence.

“Hey, Shiro. Can we talk about something?”

“Sure Keith, what’s on your mind?”

“It’s hard to explain, I think…”

“Just start from the beginning, we can always narrow it down.”

“It’s just something that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. So, I’m gay right?”

“Mhm, and?”

“So, I like boys but I never really like them, if that makes sense?”

“I’m not following.”

Keith paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, then continued, “I’m attracted to boys, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But I don’t really get crushes?”

“Oh.” Shiro emphasized the vowel in his response.

“Yeah… And I don’t know how to fix that. I tried to make myself like people like that, but I just can’t.”

“Have you ever considered you might be aromantic Keith?”

“That’s kinda like the thing you are, right? Demi?”

“Yeah. I’m demisexual and demiromantic. You remember what it means, right?”

“I think so? You can only like someone after you’ve gotten really close with them, and even then you might not get attracted to them, right?”

“Right.”

“But, that’s not me. It’s not like I haven’t gotten really close with some guys, and then I started to crush on them. I just can’t.”

“That’s why I said maybe you’re aromantic.”

“But I feel like maybe one day I could meet someone and possibly like them? But maybe that’s just wishful thinking?”

“There’s a whole spectrum, Keith. You could fall anywhere on it. You could be aromantic, grayromantic, demiromantic, lithromantic, cupioromantic, or none of the above.”

“But what if I’m not even on it? What if one day I do meet someone, and I crush on them?”

“Then it happens. You could still be on the aromantic spectrum then.”

“But what if it turns out I’m making a big deal out of this for nothing?”

“Trust me Keith, you’re not. If it’s on your mind, it’s on your mind for a reason. And if it turns out you’re not aro, then that’s okay too. All that matters is that you’re happy and comfortable with your own labels. If you’d like, we could spend some time going over terminology and different romantic orientations before I go back to campus.”

“I’d like that.”

“And don’t forget Keith. No matter what happens, or what you learn about yourself, you’re still my little brother.”

REALLY  LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost, don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good  luck ! TAGGED. @ferocioushonesty​ TAGGING. @dechaagny​, @the-swedish-angel​, @sovietorphan​, @withcruelpatience​ and anyone else who wishes to do this!

BASICS. FULL  NAME : Marguerite Antoinette Giry NICKNAME : Meg AGE : 18 - 28 (whatever age you want to thread with, just specify)! BIRTHDAY : May 31st ETHNIC  GROUP : Caucasian. NATIONALITY :  French. LANGUAGE / S : French, English. SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Due to the era Meg was born into, Meg feels as if she must identify as a heterosexual, but has had relations with other females—she just doesn’t know what to call it since ‘bisexual’ isn’t a word in her era; for the sake of this survey, Meg is a demisexual bisexual. ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Demiromantic. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Single, but verse dependent. CLASS : Working class. HOME  TOWN / AREA : Paris, France. CURRENT  HOME : Coney Island, New York, America. PROFESSION : Dancer, prostitute, cafe server—modern verse.

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Meg’s natural hair colour is blonde. It is incredibly fair, almost as if she has bleached it and it only gets fairer in the sun. It falls in curls down her back and across her shoulders and if she tries to brush them when they’re dry then she has one hell of a frizz show to contend with. However, when she’s working, especially in her main verse, Meg wears a wig somewhat to try and conserve some of her dignity, although she’s not as convinced any more that it works as well as it used to. Either hair colour suits her as they perfectly contrast against her eye and skin colours, catching her natural beauty perfectly. EYES : Meg’s eyes are a light blue in colour; they grow a deeper blue when she’s upset, the red rings after tears making the colour of her eyes that more prominent. Nevertheless, her eyes are soft and if the saying that eyes were the window to the soul is true, then Meg is the walking definition. Despite her attempts at keeping herself as neutral as she can, her emotions are always given away by her eyes although she’ll forever deny it. NOSE : Petite. It has a natural arch and the tip of her nose curves softly downwards as you would expect. FACE : Her face is very much a heart shape. Her jawline is quite prominent, but softened like the rest of her features. Her eyebrows are fair like her hair and luckily have a natural arch to them which doesn’t take much maintenance on Meg’s part. LIPS : Full and pink in colour. Usually moisturised, Meg’s lips are particularly soft just as the rest of her skin is. COMPLEXION : Meg is incredibly fair, but she dons freckles in the summer as the sun really brings them out, although most of the time she burns in the sun. Her complexion is almost like that of a porcelain doll’s which is why her hair contrasts so strikingly with her skin colour. BLEMISHES : Apart from a few freckles here and there, Meg is relatively complexion free. SCARS : A few scars down her back and across her wrists, some her own doing, but mostly from the hands of customers who have enjoyed her too much or who have become enraged with her poor service. She also has a scar that runs down from her left thumb into the palm of her hand after she fell over during a rehearsal back in the Paris Opera House and landed on a nail. There was lots of blood. TATTOOS : None, but in her modern verse she would quite like to get a semi-colon tattoo on her wrist. HEIGHT : 5′4″ WEIGHT : 8st 10lbs / 55.33kg BUILD : Petite but muscular. FEATURES : Soft and attractive, although she doesn’t see it much that way any more. Meg’s eyes have seemingly aged the most against her other features. ALLERGIES : Mild hayfever. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE : Usually let down across her shoulder and back. Styled when it needs to be which is for shows and work in her modern verse. USUAL  FACE  LOOK : Meg’s resting face is neutral. Before America her eyes were far more inviting, it almost suggested trust, but now her face aids in protection. Meg isn’t one to give something away easily, her emotions are reserved only for her and any close friends she may have, but even then it can be incredibly difficult to gauge how she feels at any given moment. It takes a lot to break through that, especially the emotional side, but she will laugh and respond accordingly to each moment. USUAL  CLOTHING : What you’d expect of a late Victorian, early Edwardian. Usually corseted, Meg’s dresses are extremely plain, although she does have one or two reserved for special occasions if they every arise. Already good with a needle, Meg has become an expert at dress maintenance since she does not have the money to simply purchase a new dress should it break. Therefore she repairs them herself and she’s rather proud of that fact.

She’s also not seen in much else than her corset, but it’s not something she particularly enjoys, but sometimes it pays well.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Failure, being unable to escape, being the disappointment. ASPIRATION / S : To break free from the cycle she’s currently stuck in. To achieve her independence, not just living wise, but professionally. There was a time Meg believed she couldn’t do anything without her mother’s blessing, but since events have happened Meg’s view has changed to that of bitterness. She almost wants to disappear then reappear as someone new and unrecognisable, but successful and on her terms and her terms alone. POSITIVE  TRAITS : Meg is incredibly hard working to the point where sometimes she doesn’t know where to stop; it’s partly contributed to her current situation alongside her mother’s help. She is also very empathetic. NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Feisty and taking after her own mother, Meg can be stubborn beyond belief; she can also be opinionated which can intimidate some people. Despite being empathetic, Meg also struggles to let that side of her show, too afraid it might give something away, so she can come across as cold or distant. MBTI : INTP-T (Logician personality, apparently). ZODIAC : Gemini. TEMPERAMENT : A mix between  melancholic and  sanguinic. SOUL  TYPE / S : Sage ANIMALS : Rabbit / badger. VICE  HABIT / S : Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs of many varieties, as long as it stops the noise in her head. FAITH : Raised as a catholic, Meg’s faith has been shaken somewhat. There was a time she didn’t dare or had no reason to question it, but now she settles for being agnostic; surely everything she’s endured has paid off somehow? GHOSTS ? : Undecided. AFTERLIFE ? : Yes. REINCARNATION ? : Yes and it terrifies her. ALIENS ? : No. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT : Doesn’t concern her, but liberal in her views. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : It was difficult to go from comfortable to nothing in a matter of months. Meg’s main goal is to get to that place she once was, but she’s not sure how attainable that is. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : Working class. EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Home tutored—taught what a woman at the time was expected to learn, so her intellectual knowledge is limited, but she has a desire for knowledge. In her modern verse she has graduated highschool.

FAMILY. FATHER : Jules Giry, deceased. MOTHER : Antoinette Giry. SIBLINGS : None. EXTENDED  FAMILY : Not biological, but Christine Daaé is something of a sister to Meg. NAME  MEANING / S : Marguerite is the French form of a female given name (English Margaret, Spanish Margarita) which derives from the Greek Μαργαρίτης meaning "pearl" HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : No, although her middle name is that of her mother’s first name which seems to be somewhat of a family tradition.

FAVOURITES. BOOK : Pride and Prejudice, anything by Austen. MOVIE : Not applicable in her main verse, but even in her modern verse Meg doesn’t watch movies too often—they’re expensive! Nevertheless, she’s a sucker for the badly animated and poorly budgeted made films that are on those 24/7 film channels. 5  SONGS : As The World Falls down, David Bowie; Things we Lost in The Fire, Bastille; Youth, Daughter;  Nothing Left to Say / Rocks, Imagine Dragons; Wasting My Young Years, London Grammar. DEITY : Undecided, but for sake of upbringing, the God of Christianity. HOLIDAY : Doesn’t celebrate. MONTH : April. SEASON : Spring. PLACE : Phantasma, Coney Island. WEATHER : Gentle sunlight—not too hot or too cold; the sea during a storm. SOUND : Birds chirping, the collection of voices in a crowd and someone breathing in your ear; the sound of pointe shoes against a rosined stage. SCENT / S : Perfume, sex, sweat. TASTE / S : Alcohol, usually in the form of strong spirits; fish, mints and coffee. FEEL / S : The feeling of bare skin under fingertips, lips against shoulders, needles between her fingers. ANIMAL / S : wolf, tiger, dog, hawk NUMBER : No comment. COLOUR : Sunset orange.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Dancing, singing to an extent, performance, empathy, independence. BAD  AT : Allowing people to help her, confrontational, relaxing, trust. TURN  ONS : Someone who is soft, makes sure it’s what she wants, kisses across her next, fingertips in her hair and across her back; someone who is polite, well mannered and gentle. TURN  OFFS : Pompousness, brutishness, demanding, unkind and apathetic; raised voices. HOBBIES : Enjoys taking walks when she can, reading, cooking (although that’s limited),drinking. TROPES : AESTHETIC  TAGS : Idk? Victorian fashion, bare skin, red lipstick, black coffee, pointe shoes/tuts and stormy weather. GPOY  QUOTES : “Home is not where you were born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease.” - Naguib Mahfouz.

FC INFO. MAIN  FC / S : Nicole Kidman ALT  FC / S : Sharon Millerchip. OLDER  FC / S : Kate Blanchett? YOUNGER  FC / S : Kristen Dunst (child). VOICE  CLAIM / S : No-one tbh GENDERBENT  FC / S : None.

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 : Probably be one of those indie, modernist films that explore the darker side of life that people so readily ignore. One of those cliché films where Meg is struggling to reach her dreams, but it ends on a positive note where she defies her odds and achieves a place in a ballet company. I don’t know what it’d be called. Probs something like Artiste in Manhattan or something. Q2 : what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 : Mumford and Sons. There is something about their music that really does connect and almost explain Meg.Imagine Dragons are also very much an inspiration for writing Meg. Q3 : why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 : Tbh when I watched Love Never Dies for the first time. Fair enough, everyone hates it and it’s not considered canon, blah blah blah. And I’m not saying I consider it canon either, but I was so happy to see Meg actually have a story of some sort? Like, whatever your opinion of the character development, I was just attracted of the possibility to discover her character more through RP because there is so much to explore! I don’t agree for a second that Meg loved the Phantom, that’s where I find the story to be somewhat disagreeable, but Meg’s character in LND is just wonderfully complex and she’s so exciting to write! Q4 : what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 : Sharon Millerchip because this woman is a beast and she acts Meg so well omg. Q5 : describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 : She’s a sarky bitch and hates any concept of help which makes relationships of any sort difficult. Q6 : what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 : We’re both sarcastic as hell. It gets us into trouble every now and then, but there you go. Also anxiety lol. Q7 : how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 : Pretty sure she hates me for making her face the problems she so naively ignores.. Q8 : what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ? A8 : Javert, Erik, Priscilla, Raoul de Chagny, Emcee (Cabaret), Jean Valjean, WWII muses. Q9 : what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 : People who bash LND Meg and my writing partners. They always draw another side out of her which we didn’t know existed. Q10 : how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?         A10 : Well since having this to answer, @ferocioushonesty has moved their blog from a side blog and onto a main blog and I’m trash because wow. It took me so long to answer omg.

I know you've mentioned your headcanons for children of the UD gang, but could you describe their kids in more detail? Like appearance, personality etc

Okay anon, myheadcanons are very much always in flux and I have differentversions of most. Especially in the ‘after the game’ category.  Sojust as a heads up I’m basing this on THIS version of my UD childrenheadcanons because it is the only one that I have a detailedheadcanons for and really it’s the only one of them that isgenuinely happy.

—

Josh (Jay) has onetrait in common with his mother Ashley, her green eyes. They bothcried over it a lot when he was very young because sometimes lookinginto his green eyes was extremely painful as they are also the samecolor of his namesake’s. He’s a Joshua with green eyes and thathurts, so they decide to call him Jay instead. Chris still cries overit sometimes but much less often. Other than that Jay could not bemore his father’s son. In looks or attitude, he literally looksnothing like Ashley. He is a serious show off and know-it-all far toomuch smarter than his peers. He has quite the obsession with buildingthings in the garage. Unfortunately like hisblow-torch-out-of-a-deodorant-can-to-melt-army-men andshoot-the-tank-of-a-flamethrower-hoping-for-the-best father, he isclever but not the least bit careful. Chris and Ashley spend so muchtime at the ER, Chris jokes they should see if they can get aspecial, permanent parking spot. Ashley does not find this funny. Jaydoes not have too many other interests outside that, school and videogames. He isn’t a trouble maker in any other way and is anintrovert with few friends. He’s gay, which as his brother istransgender Chris jokes he and Ashley must have queer embedded intheir DNA as they’re both demisexual and nb themselves. Ashley doesfind this funny.

Jackson (Deadname:Jacqueline) was named for Flamethrower guy after Chris finallytracked down his real name. That’s because “He saved my fuckinglife, Ash.” Coming out was weird for him because Ashley respondedby saying both they and his father were trans too and asked how hehadn’t noticed. To be fair, he was 7. He looks far more like acombination of his parents. His hair is a perfect blend of red andblonde. He reads a lot. He has about as many books as Ashley does.Chris and Jay would much rather they used kindles so the house wasn’tas crowded with bookshelves. Unlike Jay, he’s extremely embarrassedby his parents, but most especially by his father and Chris takes somuch joy in purposely embarrassing him. Ashley finds it as funny ashim. He might not be interested in anything that is not Entomology(thestudyof insects) or Cryptozoology(thestudyof mythical Creatures).Even as young child he had an avid interest in creepy-crawlies andmyths. This massively bothers Chris and Ashley but they can’t tellhim why and don’t want to force him to change hobbies. SometimesAshley cries over it and Chris will sometimes yell at him. (thoughboth are exceedingly rare). They do try steer him towards insects asthey’re terrified a career in the latter will lead him into a dangerthey both know is very real.

Grace is very muchlike Jess, as well as being basically a spitting image of her. Shehas Mike’s lips and his body more like his. She is almost tall asher father. So Grace is straight banging! We are talking model prettyhere. She is also fit and strong af. Girl’s got a six-pack thatwould put every guy in her grade to shame. Mike is more than a littleproud his baby girl could definitely kick a grown man’s ass andprobably shoot a deer from 200 feet away, killing it in one shot.However survival training skills are hardly her only interest andhonestly she really only does it to stay in shape and keep up theskills. Mike instilled this habit in her from a young age. He willnever allow what happened to Jess happen to his children. Grace wouldmuch rather like to pursue a career as a professional dancer and Jessnot only supports it, she loves it. Mike suspects Jess may be tryingto vicariously live though their daughter but she doesn’t push iton Grace so he lets it go. She dreams of being a back-up dancer tosomeone famous like Arianna Grande or Beyonce (not specifically themas they may no longer be stars in her time, but someone as famous.)She is quite talented. She’s skilled in everything from hip-hop toswing to salsa although Mike would prefer if she didn’t like themore sexy styles of dancing as much as she does.

Mike Jr. (MJ) looksa lot more like Jess than Mike but he does have his father’s faceshape and jawline. He is very different than the rest of hisout-going, extrovert family members. He is trained much like Grace insurvival skills. So he is strong and fit but much less so than hissister. He forgets to keep up with his work outs and training. Heremembers enough to still be pretty skilled at all of it but he wouldrather do much more quiet endeavors. He likes practicing the guitarand far more musically inclined than he is anything. He is an A+student much like his father was though unlike with Mike Sr all ofhis teachers would rather he participated more. Mike tries to be okaywith this. He really does, but he is more worried than he is upset.He is afraid MJ is going to have a hard time in life because despitebeing physically strong his is too emotionally weak. This also upsetsMike because it reminds him of Hannah. Jess doesn’t really see it,so she is often comforting him over it. He also doesn’t seem tointerest girls but he also doesn’t seem to interested in boys. Jessand Mike aren’t too worried about that as they think he might growout of it. Even if he doesn’t they don’t want to force anythingon their children. Jess is secretly happy her son is this way. Sheworries Grace’s attitude will get her into trouble like it didJess.

Riley obviouslylooks nothing like either of her parents. She’s Latina though asshe has been with Matt and Emily since she was just a baby shedoesn’t speak Spanish. She is almost the perfect stereotype of aspoiled rich girl. But she’s spoiled sweet not rotten. Matt hasmanaged to instill in her his kindness and gratitude for life. Emilyhas encouraged to be a good student. So while she has a bit of askewed view of the world as she has rich and semi-famous parents (herfather especially) she’s not a mean girl. She was born 5 yearsafter the youngest of her parents’ friends’ kids (Jack). In fact she’squite sweet if naive and a little out of touch with reality. Sheisn’t naturally smart like Emily is. But she studies hard and itpays off for her. That and she attends the best school Emily couldget her in. Even though she’s a girly-girl she is a daddy’s girland dada was her first word. Matt is more than willing to play dresswith her and play with her dolls and do her hair when she is little.He often falls for the puppy dog eyes when she is a teenager and willbuy her anything she wants. Emily asks him if he is aware she isplaying him and Matt always says “Yeah, but look how happy she is.”Emily is quite proud of her daughter’s work ethic and her sense ofstyle. She is also thrilled Riley wants to go into fashion design.

SPOILER: I’mhoping (*fingers crossed*) to write a Sam fic based on this next headcanon so if youwant to read that if and when it comes out do not read any further asthis contains a major spoiler. If you don’t care, read on.

Sam has twochildren, twins born around 9 months after the events of the game,Hannah-Beth Giddings and Christopher Giddings each of them namedafter their parents’ best friends. For those of you who can’t seewhere this is leading to. They are Josh’s kids as well and Sam wishesshe could’ve told him about it before he “died” (Wendigo-Joshcanon). They, quite unfortunately for everyone, look exactly like allthe Washingtons and literally nothing like Sam. As to avoid anyconfusion they call Christopher by the nickname Kit. They are theoldest of all the kids in this generation for obvious reasons.

Kit is, much likeJay, his father’s son. Though unlike Jay he is a terror in everyconceivable way. Sam is constantly being called in his school becausesurprise, surprise Kit is in trouble. He is though a very well likedkid. He has many friends but honestly his best friend is of courseHannah-Beth, but he likes all his mom’s friends kids. He does notlike the outdoors. He does not like animals. He does not likeclassical music. He does not like pretty much anything Sam likes.This makes it hard for Sam to bond with her son. He would much rathergo to a house party or play video games and (“don’t you daretell, mom!”) build models. Again since he is a Washington at hearthe is drawn to most creative pursuits. Film, painting, singing. Hehas many artistic interests and talents. It might be all of theseinterests that make him so many friends with a wide variety of peopleand he is considered a heartthrob. He also inherited the dreadedWashington trait of skilled lying.

Hannah-Beth, usuallyjust called Hannah also looks all Washington though this means shelooks more like Hannah and Beth. Sam is unsure if her daughter islike her or if her daughter is like Beth. The two of them had a lotin common. She has almost the exact opposite interests as Kit. Sheloves sports and the outdoors and most of all she loves animals. Shewants to be a vet. Personality wise though she is very much like herbrother. An out-going extrovert with a lot of friends. Sam’s kidsmight be the most popular ones in their school. Hannah plays softballand she wrestles. She got Josh’s sense of humor and his love ofmaking people laugh. She and Sam spend a lot of time together and shefeels she connects more with Hannah than her son. Hannah thinks shehas the coolest mom too which granted she might. Much like herbrother Hannah is considered a knock-out. She is fiercely stubbornthough. She is going to get her way, just like Hannah 1.0 always did.

Christopher andHannah-Beth also have the most important Washington trait of all. Undyingsibling love.

Ages: Kit and Hannahare the oldest with Jay about a year or so younger then Grace twoyears younger than Jay then MJ under a year younger than his sister withJack a year after MJ. Riley is the only one still a child when theothers are teenagers being 9 years younger then Kit and Hannah. WereRiley 1 year old then Kit and Hannah would 10, Jay would be 9, Gracewould be 7, MJ would be 6 and Jack would be 5

Extra headcanon: At some point Kit and Jay start dating and eventually get married too. (Chris is a little happy his and Josh’s kids ended up together.)

♠ ACE REPRESENTATION MASTERLIST ♠

Sherlock Holmes.

Jughead Jones [in the reboot solo comics -coughcoughthanksriverdale-]

Let’s face it. Mostly everyone’s favourite literary characters are asexuals, but when faced with most asexuals in real life, people tend to get...

Weird. 

 ‘Why don’t you like to go out?’

‘You just haven’t met the right guy.’

#WHYISITANYOFYOURBUSINESS

To be blunt, we lack the representation that other orientations have. For example,I’m twenty-six, and I didn’t have half of the resources/ representation growing up that is available today. Which is why this year, in my twenty-sixth year of life, I am proud to have experienced more asexual media/representation than I ever have before.

Which ALSO is why I knew I needed to make a list for my own health and myself to show that there IS positive representation out there, and show those aces younger than me (and maybe even older than me, if you’ve been struggling with your sexuality or lack thereof as long as I have) that we exist, and we are not simply ‘freaks’ to be judged and chided.

Which is why.

I am proud to present.

THE GIGANTIC HUGE UBER LIST OF ACE RESOURCES [trumpets]

This includes a list of historical asexual/demisexuals, young adult literature/ resource books, cute merchandise, asexual books currently being released in 2019, and additional resources. ♥

( P.S: I also labeled these if they feature any sort of intersectionality, such as POC protagonists, bisexuality/lesbianism, or any intersectional aspects to try to give people the biggest and broadest representation within the asexual field we can. 

I also tried to include the literature that had the most positive representations and dispelled as much of the ‘myths’ about being asexual as possible, and presenting us as regular people in a strong powerful light, who just happen to be asexual. Some of these include dispelling myths around ‘YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY IT,’ ‘YOU’RE NOT REALLY QUEER,’ ‘THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU,’ ‘YOU MUST HAVE EXPERIENCED ABUSE,’ ETC. Anything dealing with dispelling absolutes. For example, I was sexually abused when I was a child, but I now know that even though I could have issues with sexuality due to trauma, my asexuality/ demisexuality is completely separate from my past, and I am proud to come to that conclusion. I hope I can help others to come to that conclusion, too.)

Lastly, I also put my own comments in brackets besides copied book descriptions/ biographies if I had anything else to contribute; hopefully someone besides myself might find this helpful! ♥

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality. 

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce "a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation" but only as it compared to the "conscious intellectual activity" he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton's supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure. 

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance. 

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though "the Florence Nightingale effect" is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect's namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who's asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion," also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and...to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Cute Pins/ T-shirts/ Merch Representation:

Ace and Anxious Mug

Asexual Hearts Mug

Ace and Anxious Sweatshirt

Netflix and Actually Chilling Sweatshirt

World’s Okayest Grey Sexual Baseball Shirt

Ace Illuminati Pin 

Asexual Flag Pin

Asexual Pride Flag Pin

Asexuality ‘Nope’ T-Shirt

‘Space Ace’ Astronaut Pin

Asexual ‘I Am Valid’ Heart Sticker

LGBTA+ GameBoy Sticker

‘I Put the A in the LGBTA’ Shirt

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality:

Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice's last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she's asexual. Now Alice is sure she's done with dating... and then she meets Takumi. She can't stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she's willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated-- or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha 'Tash' Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn't want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash's eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash's confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she's a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn't interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she'll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn't that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways" into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the "real" world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it's the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality Coming Out in 2019:

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it's going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn't always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that's done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean's 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father's company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego "d0l0s," it's college and then a career at "one of the big ones," like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT--but the student loan she'd been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father--one Robert Foster--is loaded.  Nari isn't about to let her friend's dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals. 

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn't among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she's the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she's greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren't the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn't end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn't know what to believe...or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

Check, Please!: Check, Please! is written and drawn by Ngozi Ukazu. Eric Bittle—former Georgia junior figure skating champion, vlogger extraordinaire, and amateur pâtissier—is starting his freshman year playing hockey at the prestigious Samwell University in Samwell, Massachusetts. And it’s basically nothing like co-ed club hockey back in the South. For one? There’s checking.It’s a story about hockey and friendship and bros and trying to find yourself during the best 4 years of your life. [You can also read the cartoons online; it’s actually started by Tumblrite/ Yale Grad who is positively adorbs and I follow her on Instagram and I’m sort of obsessed with her/ it’s about hockey. CANADAAAAAAAA [x]]

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

Hopefully this helps! ♥♥♥