What if I scripted Stephanie Meyer's "The Host" into a TV show, and I kept all the rad as fuck sci-fi concepts and the messaging about human love and resilience, but I removed all the nasty bioessentialism and openly advocating for teen girls to date adult men. What then?

Probably would keep the focus on Wanda and Melanie's relationship, rather than the love square/jealousy plot. I never liked how after Melanie started "fading" in the book she basically became a nothing character. Also the way she completely lost all sense of self and/or rationality whenever her dude was around was uh. Dumb.

Also the cast of the human survivors are so potentially interesting, but we never spend any time with them. They could have sub-plots! We could get to know them! The funeral scene of that one guy would be way more emotionally effective if he like. Actually had a character before dying.

We're keeping all the alien species as they were described, like the telepathic underwater plants, or the polar bears with hand blades, or the bats who communicate entirely by singing. Also benevolent parasitic communism. That's good as is.

But yeah every scene with Jared or Ian needs to be at least slightly reworked, so we can get them to the level of "flawed yet compelling" instead of "irredeemable assholes". And we're aging Melanie up a few years, that's going to solve a lot of our problems from the get go.

Uncle Jeb and Jamie are mostly good, they can stay. And the basic plotline of the human characters being rightfully terrified of Wanderer because of what her species has done to the human race, but as a result mistreating her, since there's no way for her to adequately communicate she's not a threat to them, and then slowly learning to accept and to trust. Honestly that slaps. I love when characters get the shit beat out of them because of Circumstances. I love when people who think that they have to be enemies, because they have every reason to be, because not only are they on opposing sides but they have actively harmed one another already, decide to become family instead. Favorite storyline, has the same vibes as that one ATLA fanfic where Zuko's taken captive on a water tribe ship, y'all know what I'm talking about [you likely do not know what I am talking about].

Basically The Host would be one of my favorite books ever if it didn't suck so bad. Also no one ever cared about the movie adaptation. A TV show could be so kickass. Thank you for attending my ted talk.

December Updates & Announcements

Hi, everyone! December is next week, if you can believe it! In light of this year coming to a close and things starting to wind down/fall into a routine in my personal life so far, I wanted to provide you all with some updates and exciting announcements about what you can expect from my blog and I heading into 2024!

DINCEMBER 2023

Dincember is coming back for our 4th annual year! I'm so excited to share more writing (and, from others, art and more!) with all of you and to continue this lovely tradition of ours.

To find the prompts, tag, and my own contributions, you can head to this post! We start next week, on December 1st!

UPCOMING WRITING PROJECTS

I have a few things in the works heading into 2024 that I'm super excited to share with all of you! Here's a few that I'm ready to reveal:

I'm doing a Catalyst rewrite! I'm so excited about this one! I'm drawing upon my unfinished series entitled Catalyst and also taking inspiration from Pedro's wonderful performance in TLOU to create a new version of the story entitled Scattered Stars. It features a brand-new OC named Kyla Tiigan, a 14-year-old girl with a backstory you'll never see coming. I'm currently working on the first chapter and I can't wait to share it with you!

As per usual, I'll be writing at least two Security interludes as we wait for season 4! The Djarin family left off in a very happy place going into season 4, and I can't wait to show you how they continue to enjoy their home on Nevarro - and what their future may look like.

I have two new micro-series planned, both based off of Din's new position in the New Republic! Both are enemies-to-lovers, one a senator and one an X-wing pilot, though they're still mostly at the planning stage with no names set yet. I'm hoping to debut the first pieces of those after Scattered Stars!

MASTERLIST REDESIGN

I'm going to be redesigning my masterlist soon, as I've finally hit my 100-link limit! What I'm likely going to do is split my masterlist into their respective categories, with links to those separate masterlists. For example, there will be one dedicated to just Din one-shots, one to my series, and so on and so forth. One those fill up, I'll specify reader-inserts, OCs, and more. Be on the lookout for this change in the coming weeks!

PERSONAL LIFE UPDATE

Something I wanted to share with you all as the reason why I haven't been as active is because I got a job promotion! I've gone from a senior writer to an editor of the Star Wars beat at Screen Rant. I couldn't be more grateful for this change, and I absolutely adore the work I do. Now, I still get to write, but I have more freedom to write the ideas I want - hence why just about every Din Djarin article from the site as of late has been written by me! I have to thank you all for supporting me, because it was this blog that helped me to find such a niche and practice fandom writing in the first place.

Those are all the updates and announcements I have for now! I'm looking forward to finishing out the year with you and beginning yet another one as I prepare to celebrate 4 years of this blog in January!

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3

hey, its the anon from before. unfortunately because of that policy most of the most popular gameplays were deleted, but you can probably find clips online if you look for them, and you can instantly see how much these people genuinely were passionate and had fun with the game.

the channels i remember were reah (she was my favourite back then, armin route and she was SO funny lmao), lilicross, lyna, natsukisel mostly if you want to find them. more recently i found helemlove, since she still has her UL, spinoff, and an unfinished HSL gameplay with her then boyfriend up. this one is the one that brought me back to the fandom lol, they live-dubbed the episodes as they played them, and they were both talented, hilarious, and offered genuinely insightful commentary. her boyfriend was also like so genuinely so passionate about the game and characters, they even made theory, prediction, analysis, and critique videos of the games together as UL eps were coming out, if you want to check those out on youtube. these are all in spanish btw.

there was the mcl tag, where the youtubers tagged their friends to do the tag and talk about their favorite images, the worst ones, the best outfits, etc.

as i said, these were the people that (at least in the hispanic part of the fandom) actually made the game known and gave it a massive part of its popularity and success back in the hsl days. it genuinely breaks my heart that such an awesome and passionate community was just destroyed like it was nothing, to the point that just remembering what happened honestly makes me angry and sad :(. i definetely understand why these creators wouldn't want to come back after what beemoov did to them, but that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking lol. anyway, this was just a rant of me getting nostalgic, hope you didn't mind haha😅

I don't mind don't worry, and thank you for suggesting those names I'm going to check them out 😊

I'm sure it must’ve been very upsetting at the time seeing the whole community fade away 😔 I was a lone wolf player for many years so I never experienced the fandom at its peak and I regret it. I'm sure it was a funny time and it gave people a sense of community. Sending you a big hug 💕 and fingers crossed we can get back a little of what was lost.

AO3 Twenty Questions

I was tagged by @dirty-bosmer Tagging @lillxart @gwilin-stay-winnin @skyrim-forever and @thequeenofthewinter (even though I know she's already done this!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

416,292

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, only Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, although I have written a few Breath of the Wild fics (one one-shot, one short 8-chapter story, and two long fics that are unfinished). Once upon a time in junior high and high school, my friends and I wrote each other stories about Duran Duran and Def Leppard, but those are on paper and too old for anyone to care these days!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

You know, I hadn’t really looked in a long time, so I’m surprised/not surprised to find that mostly my LoZ fics are the highest in kudos (they’ve been there longest).

Dalliances with Dunmer (86)

Link the Anachronism (55)

Larissa’s Tale: Before the Hero (46) – this pleases me; my first story with an OC and a lot of research

Khajiit: Stranger in a Strange Land (45)

Starting Over: A New Woman in a New Hyrule (38)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! While I write for myself and have to remind myself of this daily, it’s always nice to know that someone else has seen and enjoyed my labors of love. Readers who comment are rare and precious. And at least 2 of them have become actual friends!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Dalliances with Dunmer – but that wasn’t the end of the story, just the ending of the 2nd book in the story.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

What Might Have Been – because it was MEANT to be an alternate ending to the angsty one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually. When I first started putting DwD on AO3 and fanfiction, one person called it dogshit and another person went on a mean, scandalized rant about Miranja’s “fatherless behavior.” But a dear friend told me, if there’s no controversy, you’re not doing it right, and I left the flame in the comments for that purpose!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Smut/romance/erotica – various levels depending on the mood and the characters’ relationship. There’s been everything from cuddly fluff to heart-pounding romance to jizz-in-your-pants or call-the-priest filth.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I can’t answer that definitively. I started a crossover (Khajiit) between BotW and Skyrim (a friend used Skyrim to wean me off of BotW, and now I live here forever), but I haven’t even gotten to the crossover part and now it’s been 2 years since I played BotW, so we’ll see where that goes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I can’t imagine why anyone would, unless they were training an AI!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes, just a silly little back-and-forth scenario with my OC and a friend’s OC. It’s not on AO3, but I’m hoping it will be soon!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Of my own, or anyone’s anywhere? Mine, of course, would be Miranja and Talvas. Elsewhere… I like to ship Kvothe and Devi in The Name of the Wind – if for nothing else but the hate sex!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I want to finish all of them except the Link and Zelda stories, since those are moot points by now.

16. What are your writing strengths?

From others’ reviews, I’d say characterization and description. I like to get inside the characters’ minds and hearts, think up back stories for them that might have made them the way they are, make their interactions with other characters as genuine as I can. When describing a scene, I almost focus more on the sensations than the actual physical presence of, or situation of, things. What is the character seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, or tasting, and how does it make them feel? The feelings are what you remember, not the details. (Unless you’re Sherlock Holmes.)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Second-guessing myself. If someone says the story’s moving too slowly, I pick up the pace and skip the less important stuff that was kind of important to me. Then someone says I’m rushing the story, so I rewrite it and flesh it out the way I wanted it to begin with. Like, I BELIEVE I’m pretty good at re-reading and assessing the pace, but then I let someone else tell me I’m doing it wrong. Also, allowing things to distract me and keep me from writing until I don’t even remember where I was at.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If it’s relevant to the plot, then of course! Otherwise, if it’s just idle chatter, that feels like extraneous flaunting on the author’s part. Look what I can do! Haha!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

As many things as I’ve been a fan of, I’ve never thought of writing my own fiction about them until I beat Breath of the Wild. Because I wanted so badly to know how they would turn the kingdom back around, I decided to write my own continuation.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Larissa’s Tale or Hrefna’s Crush. Shorter stories, but special to me in different ways. Larissa was kind of a self-insert character but better-looking, who got her hands and other body parts on Link before Zelda did. Hrefna’s Crush was sort of a birds-and-bees and starting to have crushes story, where Sondas Drenim is the object of her crush, and Miranja is the competition she loves but envies.

I've been feeling some type of way about the DMBJ fandom for a while now but never really publicly talked about it for a variety of reasons, mostly because I generally prefer to mind my own business and avoid conflict when possible. But as time goes on, and I come across more and more people who feel the same, or who like I did, ultimately chose to isolate themselves because it's become the only alternative, it makes me feel like it's something that needs to be said in a public space, if only for cathartic reasons, and also for other people to realize they might not be as alone as they think.

I'll preface this by saying that this isn't intended as drama, which I understand comes across a bit hypocritical given the content of this post that's more of a frustrated rant than anything else. But it's also for this reason that I don't expect anyone who's uncomfortable with these kinds of topics to engage with it. This is also not a post meant to say that I'm right, and that anyone who disagrees with my stance is wrong, because no opinion is universally shared nor objectively correct unless backed by factual evidence. That being said, civil discussions around this topic are of course welcome.

I love DMBJ, and I would never discourage anyone from getting into it or joining the fandom. I've been in it for long enough that I can safely say I've not only discovered fantastic characters and stories, but have also met equally wonderful people. However, contrary to a very pervasive misconception that part of the fandom is happy to spread as fact, the DMBJ fandom, like every other fandom, has its share of problems, and is far from being the 100% accepting and unified front some purport it to be.

All of what I'm about to say is entirely my own personal experiences and observations in certain fandom spaces, and as such, isn't meant to be a universal reflection of the fandom as a whole, nor do I pretend to be 100% objective for precisely that reason.

That being said, I think using an example of what I'm getting at is a good place to start.

There's an apparently prevalent fandom opinion that DMBJ canon is a mess of plot holes that makes absolutely no sense. In and of itself, there's nothing inherently wrong with this take, but it does serve as a great segue into illustrating my point. The problem isn't the opinion, but the WAY in which it's treated. It's a very prevalent FANON idea, and while there's nothing wrong with fanon interpretations of things either, it however DOES become a problem when that fanon interpretation is purported to be a universally accepted truth within the fandom as a whole when that most definitely isn't the case. For the record, I personally disagree with this take, and find the books (the main series especially) to be incredibly cohesive in terms of both characterization and plot. The fact a lot of the sequels are unfinished does complicate things and leave some things either unexplained or open-ended, but there's still a consistent cohesion to them despite this, especially in regard to character development and consistency.

But that's beside the actual point. What I'm getting at here is that DMBJ fandom's greatest problem is that for all certain parts of it purport it to be a chill, accepting and fun space, it's also these very same parts of it that are blind to the fact that intentionally or not, they impose what in all reality are niche opinions and effectively shut out anyone who doesn't conform to what they consider a universal truth. As far as the example I used goes, my personal opinion isn't an isolated one, but from the way these more visible parts of the fandom are happy to present it, it may as well be an egregious opinion that doesn't exist and must therefore be silenced.

This is essentially what my general experience has been with parts of the DMBJ fandom. Nothing I've ever seen has ever escalated to the proportions it tends to in most fandoms, that's true. However, I find that presenting the fandom as unified in opinion and preferences is disingenuious at best, and insidious at worst. This also goes for character and ship preferences, though again, the issue at its core isn't about either characters or ships, but rather people's behaviors regarding them. You'll for example see a certain number of people claim that the DMBJ fandom has a tendency to find interest in minor characters, or that everyone in it is a multishipper, or shares the same fixations. Again, there's nothing inherently wrong with any of these preferences. But pushing them as universal statements about the fandom at large is both untrue and in bad faith. And herein lies the heart of the problem.

The problem isn't having these preferences. It isn't talking about or indulging in these preferences in public spaces. It's the shutting out of anyone who has different ones, of people being intentionally ignored by what I've come to perceive as an incredibly cliquey environment, of justifying talking over and excluding people from discussions under the guise of acceptance and open-mindedness, never putting that behavior into question. The problem of the DMBJ fandom is that a loud portion of it has a hard time understanding that not everyone wants to be bombarded with a certain type of content or discourse despite taking no issue with the fact that other people enjoy it, and has a tendency to quietly push people out of their spaces so that they can continue to present what's essentially an isolated opinion among others as a majority one, which ultimately leads to an ironically heavily fractured fandom space.

It's unfortunate that a fandom that presents itself as accepting and open-minded resolves its 'differences' by creating an environment in which they give people no space to exist outside of an openly catered to single-mindedness that's then all the more easily purported as fact. It's frustrating for anyone who exists outside of that circle and feels intentionally ostracized.

My point isn't to say the DMBJ fandom is an awful place that no one should ever engage with. It isn't. I love the people I've met through this fandom, and they've made sticking around for the wild ride of Wu Xie and co's tomb robbing extravaganzas one of the best fandom experiences I've ever had. But I do think it's important to acknowledge that the fandom is far from a perfect one, that no fandom is devoid of problems, and that the DMBJ one has its very real issues that merit being addressed despite some suggesting they don't exist to begin with.

Here's what this blog is all about

(updated June 26th,2023)

Hi to all the new faces around here. Here's a quick overview of what this blog is all about so you can decide if space is for you or not.

I mostly, read/write/rant/analyze/nerd out about

Caryl (Carol Peletier x Daryl Dixon - TWD)

Nedlyn (Ned x Cat - GoT/Asoiaf)

Healthy sprinkling of Critical Role, Downton Abbey, BTVS, Bioware games and a few other fandoms

Wonderful middle aged actresses/characters

What to expect on this blog:

Updates on unfinished Ned x Cat fics

Caryl positivity

Caryl inner monologues (tagged accordingly)

Incorrect Caryl quotes (also tagged accordingly)

In depth Caryl reviews/analysis (stay tuned for this)

Character analysis posts (maybe)

MAYBE Caryl fics to fill the gaps TWD left behind. But mostly to fill the Melissa McBride shaped hole in our hearts (you can blame @my-mt-heart for planting this idea in my head)

Talking about how beautiful and wonderful Melissa McBride/Carol Peletier is every chance I get. (Think Leslie Knope @ Ann Perkins amped up to a 100)

Did I mention that Melissa McBride is beautiful in every way possible and deserves all the goodness in this world?

This blog holds space for Carol/Daryl/Caryl positivity. It's not a space for hateful comments on any ships, characters or actors playing characters mentioned above.

Anon asks are welcome on anything mentioned above (as long as they're respectful).

I know many are bummed about the way S11 turned out – I see you. I acknowledge how you're feeling. But now more than ever I think we have to stick together and remember – they have a future. Positivity is dwindling in the caryl tags, let's fix that.

Finally – Don't forget to be kind to each other. Enjoy your stay and Caryl on ❤️

@cosmicbucket @pinksparklelps

Hey besties

Is it alright if I kinda rant to ya’s about what the Uberbots and P03 content was like back in my day? Specifically about this particular au my friend did of them. 

Well I’m going to do it anyway so sit down and enjoy a story from your old man./lh/hj

 Okay, so they made this au of the uberbots and P03 being a DID system (dissociative identity disorder) called the system!p03 au. I requested this au a lot because I really liked it and I found it really comforting. I’m going to be writing the names the way they did, so if you have a different name for them don’t yell at me.  

P03/Poe was the system host. The one who took charge in the system and fronted the most. He was responsible for keeping the system stable while leading the system altars, with some help from the gate keeper on occasion. P03′s personality was still the one we know and love now. A smug asshole but if you got close enough to him, it would mostly just turn insults into playful banter. 

Archivist/Ark was the system gate keeper. She made sure that every altar in the system was stable and was one of the more leading figures in the system besides P03. She had more of an older sister role in the system than anything. In terms of personality, she was actually quite flirtatious with everyone she met. Whether her relationship with someone was romantic or platonic, she would playfully flirt with them unless they tell her not to.  

The Photographer/Lee was an emotional holder in the system. It held anger as its designated emotion, this is so the rest of the system isn’t effected by that specific emotion as much. Lee hated the fact that it held anger in the system and used activities such as gardening to help sooth it. The other emotional holder was always a calming influence on Lee in the headspace and they both spent a lot of time in silence, just enjoying each others company.

The Unfinished Boss/Vellum was the other emotional holder. Vel’s emotion was anxiety, and it haunted Vel to no end. The troubling discovery of the OLD_DATA and other anxieties weighed down on Vel, and this made it hard for the bot to navigate Vel’s way through Vel’s troublesome thoughts and fears. Vel did like to draw though, as well as make collages out of (mostly) Lee’s photos.  

G0lly is the former system host, now co-host. She does basically what the host does but only if the host can’t do their regular duties at that moment cause you know, stuff happens and there’s not much you can do about it. She’s still the excited G0lly we all know and love, but underneath that happy facade is someone who’s just worn out to bone, still processing her emotions from being removed as the host. 

In terms of all of this, like we do now with the giant bot war where we have a different status with each bot, same thing here except it was partially the system as a whole. My relationship in status with the system in the system!p03 au was in fact a romantic one, and I still think of it as such even though my friend can’t really write about it anymore. 

   The way relationships, namely romantic, work with systems is that if you are dating the system as a whole then the altars will all consider you their partner. However, if you are dating a singular altar, then the others will not see you as their partner, but more so a friend or whatever relationship you have with them.  

I definitely miss the way things were, and I really wish I could just go back to May of 2022, where things honestly were at their best. But that also means that I wouldn’t have met you two, so I’m fine with being where I am. Everything changes after all, and I’m happy to continue forward to see what changes happen in the fandom. 

Hey, so I'm writing this ask assuming that you two haven't read "Berserk". So if you have, please feel free to clown on me in your answer. Anyways, throughout time the word "Masterpiece" has been attributed to many pieces of literature. From Homer's "Iliad" and "Odyssey". To works like "Journey to the West". Even in modern times there are works like, "Dune" and of course, "The Lord of the Rings". And I firmly believe that "Berserk" deserves to be placed in the same category as these pieces of literature. First off the art style. Kentaro Miura, the mangaka of "Berserk", truly pushed the medium to the limit with nearly every panel. He managed to get every thing from the softer scenes between two friends, down to the truly Lovecraftian horror scenes with his artwork. Now I could rant for days about the many anecdotes about Miura and his art, from stories of him editing the drawings, pixel by pixel. To him being declared a master of the craft by titans in the industry at a young age. But there are many others whom have talked about that at length. So next, I will talk about the story. Without going into spoilers, I will say that the content of the story is truly a work of art. You get to see a person that the world has cast out as garbage, slowly claw their way out. Only to lose it all. Then rebuild it again. This is another thing, whilst the fight/action scenes are amazing. I think that is mostly due to the art style previously mentioned. I think where the story truly shines is in the moments after the storm has passed. You get these fragile, quiet moments where characters are left to asses the damage and try to pick up the pieces. It is truly a humbling sight. And lastly we have the characters. The characters, specifically the women characters, are all deep and layered in such unique ways. From Casca, the warrior, to Farnese the religious zealot. We get to see how the world affects these characters. Most of all is Guts, the main character, someone who truly is a monster in his own right, hellbent on revenge. Only to slowly start to let go of that anger and grief and slowly move on. Now I must say after talking up "Berserk" so much, I do need to make one small addendum to my previous statement about "Berserk" being a masterpiece. It is a masterpiece, but will be a masterpiece with an asterisks attached to it's name. for one glaring reason. "Berserk" will never have an ending. Due to the tragic passing of Kentaro Miura in 2021 we will never get to see the end of this journey. Now on a final note I'm going to talk about one last thing. The fact that a lot of "Berserk" was written before trigger warnings were a thing. And I don't mean this in a cringy anti-SJW way. I mean it in the way that "Berserk" deals with a lot of very heavy topics with no warning. So be aware that there might be scenes that are a little much. anyways I hope you give it a read. Don't watch any of the anime, just find the manga and read it. Trust me.

oh god that’s a big paragraph wheeze.

it’s sad to hear that the creator passed, & that the manga will remain unfinished. i don’t know whether it would be best to leave it as is or maybe have someone finish it, whether it’s worth that or not; i wouldn’t be able to say as i was never part of the fandom. that would probably be a differing opinion based on the fan you ask wheeze. however i had heard of the material berserk handles & maybe when i’m in a better place i’ll give it a shot but as is, it holds a lot of triggers for me.

however just because it’s not for me at this moment doesn’t mean it’s not for someone else & i’m glad that you felt such a connection & pull with a piece of media.

While seeing 2nd holder being Almost!Bakugou is more exciting at least than the last couple of weeks, I just want to remind everyone that the fandom is intrigued by him only because he resembles our!Bakugou - a character we’ve spent a long time being invested in and learnt to root for. 

And whatever almost!Bakugou’s deal is (ancestor, or alternate universe Bakugou Ni. Katsuki or Same-Face cosplayer of on the nose parallel), the attention he gets is all earned by our!Bakugou. His story is relevant mostly in relation to our!Bakugou. 

Because this dude is dead and as a character, his development is for all purposes is done (while our!Bakugou is dealing with a ton of shit somewhere out there and I frankly want to see what he’s up to!!!) And this is why I’m really getting worn out by the 7-quirk OFA plot. 

Long rant under the cut. 

We are treading water in Vestige-World, with Deku’s new dead friends. They are not characters we are invested in, because in order to do that, we need to spend time with them and watch them struggle and change and learn and grow. But that’s not feasible within the span of the story - so we just get a short-hand explanation of their history - but they have no depth and only very surface personality. 

Banjo is the loud Good Guy. Nana is the hot thighs Good Guy who happens to be Shiggy’s granny. En is the quiet Good Guy. First is the original Good Guy who looks like Shiggy. 4th is the Good Guy with the scar. 2nd is the tsundere, almost!Bakugou Good Guy. 3rd is the BFF to second Good Guy. Like the seven fucking dwarves. 

In the end, they don’t really have distinct motivations. All these supposedly “randomly” chosen people are good and heroic and they do their best and now that AFO somehow pulled them out of the core of OFA, they sit around on their cushy chairs, breaking themselves to be helpful to their cute little kuhai. 

Because it is all so shallow, Deku gets no development from it either. We are visibly trying to speed through this thing so much that smokescreen is unlocked off-screen, Deku learns everything in a week (undermining everyone else’s quirk learning curves)- but there is no process, no learning, no struggle, no change. 

Sure, there is a change of design into Badass!Bunny (Mirko still wears it better), but how did the vestiges IMPACT Deku? What did he learn other than new skills? What perspective did he gain? 

It feels like Deku is the empty cup, they keep pouring their skills into, and he just stands there as always, with eyes wide, as our one-way mirror into vestige!world, which itself is just a bunch of asspull, make-it-up-as-we-go-along type of lore. 

Deku has very little agency in this OFA-business. Things happen because of external factors:  because of “singularity”, because AFO tried to take it, because the vestiges decide to “show up”, because First gives a pep talk to 2nd and 3rd. They give him live instructions on how to use the new toys, so he’s not even figuring anything out. Ironically, it feels less and less like Deku’s quirk and more like OFA Hivemind using Deku’s body. 

And because obviously the objective is just to give Deku more powers, well the powers themselves are also under-developed and uninteresting. 

In BNHA-universe, quirks are established as physical abilities with limits. They require a limited resource, or have a downside or they are on a timer. No power is limitless. 

Yet the OFA-extras don’t seem to have any of these things. 

Black Whip is the worst offender. We don’t know what resource it uses, it has no timer, it can sprout from any body part, its strength is not connected to the strength of the wielder, yet it is apparently strong enough to keep restraining a Muscular level guy - it doesn’t even disappear after manifestation even though it’s not corpoeral. Like, BW has absolutely no limits. 

It’s only known parameter is: whatever Horikoshi wants to draw. 

Float is another outrageous quirk. Everyone else’s flight requires a resource, an active effort, or a trade-off between flying and fighting. Float is just a limitless air-movement with no downside or timer that completely leaves Deku’s arms and legs free to fight. And is a mostly passive ability? I guess? We don’t know... But it sure doesn’t look complicated since Deku unlocked and used it instantenously with no problems.

Danger Sense - I had so much hope for Danger Sense because finally a quirk that could have been troublesome, stretching Deku’s mental limits and teaching him something about trying to do everything by himself.  While in the raid Deku blacked out from Danger Sense, within one week it developed into a power that can be used basically the same way as Sir’s prediction (which was on limited timer) to evade opponent’s move and also as a long-distance police emergency scanner to locate more danger. No downsides - no mental strain - no confusing input into the fight. 

Smoke Screen - ok, we know nothing about this one either, other than it’s like BW - makes something out of nothing. 

So here we are now. Deku spending time with his under-developed dead friends and using a bunch of extra quirks that he got as free candy. It’s all fight mechanics. Where are the emotional stakes???

7-quirk OFA undermined the uniqueness of characters like Sero, Froppy (BW), Uraraka (Float), Jirou, Shoji (Danger Sense), like we said it would. It shifted story-time from the characters we are invested in, and the bonds we care about, to have Deku interact with his under-developed and uniformly Good Guy dead friends. It gave him more powers, but none of it feels earned. He’s not challenged either by the power or the history.  

There is no sense of accomplishment like there was when Deku figured out Full Cowl, or when Bakugou got his new explosion, or when Todoroki finally pushed his limits to get flashfire. 

I’m not saying there was never potential in this plot. The vestiges could have challenged Deku more - some of them could have been a bit more grey (maybe 2nd will be just a bit), the powers could have been more challenging with more downsides, with bigger off-sets.  Having so many people in his head could have stretched Deku psychologically. 

But Vestige-land feels like a shiny, boring suburb where everyone is just so NICE and HELPFUL that it feels kind of fake. 

And what did we gain? Yes, Deku got more powers and a wardrobe change, but no character development. 

And what did we lose? Everything. We are losing out on seeing Deku’s friends, the meaningful bonds, their struggles, their resolve. 

I’m sorry, but I’m a 1000 times more invested in seeing Bakugou and Todoroki (especially Todoroki! OMG! what an untapped drama potential) and Momo, and Mina and hell Aizawa, Shinsou - they all came away with so much pain and unfinished business. And the League - Dabi, Tomura, Toga ... so much potential.

Instead, we are getting an - what feels like - obligatory  MC arc that tries very hard to pretend that Deku is the only hero left in the world (when we know that there is no way the others are not out there doing their best, and if they aren’t, that’s because some stupid plot asspull) who will fix everything by himself.

Because it’s blatantly untrue. We’ve spent years learning that there are other heroes who can and will step up when they need to, all the class, most of the pros, other students... I’m feeling such a whiplash and deep disappointment every time I open a new chapter with this peddling of the “new symbol! Deku stuff”. 

And no cutesy fucking lunch-boxes are going to mask the emptiness of this crap. 

And I’m baffled by the fandom reaction. There are so many people who say that oh, finally, because Deku deserves his own arc. Sure, but doesn’t it matter what kind of arc? Wouldn’t you want to see something more meaty than “omg our boy looks so badass!!!! squeeeeee!!!!”? 

I’m hoping still that it is a build-up to something more interesting and Deku’s current obsession of doing it all alone and frankly grating martyr-complex is not going to be framed as a good thing (even though it looks right now that this is totally being framed as a good thing and a Mighty Boy origin story) and will lead to some kind of failure instead that will teach Deku to learn to rely on his friends and empower them and not just try to fix everything for them, which after 300+ chapters feels pretty fucking insulting on behalf of the “side characters”. 

for the character ask: celeborn, dior, or tindomiel? I can't choose so you have to (or dont!)

I DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE ANYTHING THESE ARE PERFECT

How I feel about this character:

Celeborn

Another surprising non-half-elf who is among my favourites, deserves way more appreciation. I don't talk about him enough. Also, if I see one more meme about him being useless- *rant mode activated*

Dior

PEOPLE DON'T LOVE HIM ENOUGH (...why is that a common theme with most of my faves *sigh*). Deserved better than he got.

Tindómiel

I mean- she has exactly one (1) mention in The Unfinished Tales, which makes her a perfect character for me to fixate on! Precious, I love her, so many headcanons.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Celeborn

Galadriel. They are one of my favourite ships, even tho I never talk about them. Oh well.

Dior

Nimloth, tho I still didn't develop my headcanons for her that much, so I am not THAT passionate about them... Yet. *threatening smirk*

Tindómiel

No one or my OC Eraelin, I've talked about her here.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Celeborn

Celebrían, she is daddy's girl and proud of it. All of his grandchildren. Círdan. Elrond, Celeborn is in a confusing dad/friend position for him. Frenemy situation with Glorfindel. Rivalry with Oropher that's mostly on Oropher's side and Celeborn is annoyed but rolls with it since Oropher is stubborn. CELEBRIMBOR. Thingol, Beleg, Mablung, Daeron, LÚTHIEN back in Doriath. I think also Galathil, tho I haven't developed him enough yet.

Dior

I headcanon him as not having that many friends - he grew up isolated at a tiny river island, so it's not like he had many opportunities. But my Dior is very close to Nimloth, their children, and his parents. Also a good relationship with Thingol if they've ever met.

Tindómiel

Manwendil. No question. Attached at a hip or something. She is close to her other brothers too, especially Vardamir as the two of them are the eldest of the bunch. And she is close to Elrond, thus the Tindómiel-Undómiel thing.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Celeborn

His character is more than wanting to speak with Gandalf, being trophy husband for Galadriel and being a Sinda no one cares about *sigh*

Dior

With Dior being Melian's grandson, Elrond's grandfather, is it so unlikely that his decision not to give up the silmaril was influenced by foresight? That's at least my headcanon - that he saw something Eärendil-related, or the jewel near the Valar, and knew that wouldn't happen if he gave the silmaril to fëanorians.

Not to mention, with everything fëanorians did to his family, it is no wonder he didn't want to give them anything.

Tindómiel

Considering 99% of the fandom ignores her and the remaining 1% makes Tindómiel-Undómiel connection, my opinions on her are almost the only ones in the fandom. Alas.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Celeborn

I want to KNOW he sailed. Not headcanon it. Please. Tolkien. SPECIFY. STOP THE VAGUENESS.

Dior

For him to get to be with Nimloth and all of his children. After death. I think that's what he wants.

Tindómiel

Literally anything. Canon Tindómiel exists without any information on her. GIVE ME THE INFO.

For he ship thing, kevedd?

OK SO

my feelings about kevedd are kinda complicated, since we're going with brutally honest l'm gonna say that's mostly cause of how kevedd has its own fandom that feels almost entirely separate from the show all due to a fancomic Keep in mind that this fancomic was at 1 point even being listed on a yaoi doujinshi site (there's a post with a screenshot of that i saw in like 2018 but idk if they're still on those sites but they were) like of course kevedd attracted a really different crowd of people

Kevedd became the reason people got into eene or just got interested in kevedd without really being invested in the other characters and yea, I'm not a fan of that cause a lot of kevedd stuff tends to reduce them to archetypes which contradict a lot of their canon traits (I can go off on a separate rant about this point especially Kevin since I feel like no one talks about what happened to him) or downplay other characters' importance

kevedd isn't overhated. people don't like it cause it feels like the only reason people are interested in eene which sucks since a lot of content of it feels kinda gross

so basically-

I like kevedd I just really wish it stayed a crack ship because (it is one) it got popular for like the wrong reasons and I think it'd be a lot cuter if it was inventor x inventor

Like Kevin is a nerd this is a fact n so is Edd. Why don't they bond over their love of mechanics??? Why doesn't Edd try n be romantic and poetic and Kevin get confused cause he's more blunt than Edd is and doesn't understand his overly complicated flowery or tech related flirtations

why don't they stay up making something and pass out on the desk next to each other with a bunch of unfinished plans and random pieces of machinery strewn everywhere?

So yeah I prefer them as close friends but I still think they'd be cute if done right

content creator year in review.

tagged by the wonderful @yeoldontknow​ and @hobidreams​, thank you so much, babes! 💕

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: god, this feels like ages ago but it was the velvet devil! this wasn’t even a planned fic on my part, but it somehow evolved into the introduction to my shadowfolk universe, which is a universe that i fully plan to continue to explore, and actually do elaborate on further in the next fic i’m gonna mention down below 😂 most recent is untitled. | jjk, which is just a lil thing that i had on the brain one early morning 😂

one of your favorite creations from 2020: definitely without a doubt covenant. my hobifics always have a special place in my heart, and covenant is one that i’ve wanted to write for such a long time (mostly because werewolf!hobi lmao). i originally intended to post it on his birthday, just as i strive to do every year, but this one wound up being two months late. what can i say? the inner perfectionist in me jumped out, ahaha. 

a creation you’re really proud of: is it bad if i say covenant again? LOL. really, anything with ❦ next to it on my masterlist is a fic i’m proud of.

a new style you tried this year and a gifset/fic that uses it: i don’t think i’ve explored any new writing styles this year! had i been answering this last year, though, i would easily be able to say polaris. piecing this fic together took ages, and i literally had physical flashcards that i arranged and rearranged to make sure the chronology was right. 😅 all things considered, i would not write anything like that again, but i’m really happy i didn’t let it fall, unfinished, by the wayside. i’m really quite satisfied with how it turned out. 

a creation that took you forever: LOL. i take months and months to write a single fic. like, what i did this month, putting out both aubade and it takes two, is highly unusual for me. but! to answer the question, clandestine took/is still taking me forever to write. it’s been floating around my brain since 2018, and i’m just now starting to post it after deciding to break it up into chapters, lmao.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: LMAO if we exclude this rant post i made about the stimulus bill, then wake up call definitely has garnered the most notes. which.............yeah. that checks out. 😏

a creation you think deserved more notes:  i have to go with apricity! i fell back in love with avatar: the last airbender this year when it was added to netflix, so i just had to write about it.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: none spring to mind, tbh!

a creation you made that breaks your heart: i’m allergic to sad endings, but one of my favorite pieces that contains angst is crosshairs. i wrote it last year, i think, but i truly loved writing every second of it.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: well, if we’re defining “simple” as something that took me next to no time at all, then untitled. | jjk for sure. i was feeling very soft when i woke up that morning, and it shows. 🥺

creation that was inspired by another one: apricity is inspired by both avatar: the last airbender and anastasia! 

a favorite creation created by someone else: oh goodness! i will be the first to admit that i don’t read anywhere near as much as i maybe should, but i do have a rec blog here! all of the fics over there are amazing and wonderful, and i have several more sitting in my drafts waiting to be read. i’m going to try really hard to read more in 2021, but i have this weird thing where i feel almost guilty to be reading when i could be spending that time writing? it’s weird. idk.

some of your favorite content creators from the year: there is so much talent on this site, my god. a few that spring to mind (besides kat and rain, ofc) are @underthejoon, @fantasybangtan, @suga-kookiemonster, @kpopfanfictrash, @jjkfire, @lamourche, @jimlingss, @xjoonchildx, @yeojaa, @hoseoksyn, @winetae. i’m so sure i’m forgetting lots of others, sorry about that! 

and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: oh, jeez! i think i’ve already mentioned every fic i wrote this year, as well as a few that weren’t! 

tagging: everyone mentioned up above! happy new year, everyone! 💕

so 2020 was a year, and technically speaking I still have 2 and a half-day of it to survive, but honestly, I feel like it was a tiny bit better for me, so here are my achievements

i started my witcher fandom sideblog @oxenfurt-archives and while unfortunately, i don't think anyone would be able to read all of the fanfiction that during this year was showcased there, i did find and read some cool stories and saw so many amazing OC, and, the most important, got to know plenty of creators, all wonderful people 🥰

around February i came up with the idea of my own fanon witcher school, and while i kinda failed with delivering more lore about it [sorry guys :'D ], it snowballed into really unexpected territory that is Jacques de Aldersberg x Hubert Rejk ship, and literally thousands of words i wrote about them, some as random posts on my blog, some in form of fanfiction posted on my ao3. I'm just so amazed that other people find that ship as compelling as i do 😳

also man, Schadenfreude now lives in my head rent free, and i will put it out in one form or other mark my words! 

speaking of writing, i subscribed to 750words and finished the full month of writing back in May, creating 25k of unpublished and unfinished Xiaolin Showdown fanfiction Lighting a Match in the Rain

also special shoutout to @pissedoctahedron who was kind enough to let me rant at her about the story even tho she never watched the show, real mvp 🥺

my two favorite stories i wrote this year and happened to be written almost simultaneously, both making me feel feverish at times: The Botanical Compendium for Dragon Age Rare Pair Exchange, and Self-similarity which is just as messed up as Alvin

also, just because it gave me a rush - the fact that i could select German as the langue of my story for the first time, and small [for now] character/ship tags that i had to write in manually on ao3 bc they haven't been used before - ajhfgdakfdakdjhaslkdhaj

this year i made and posted something over 250 gifs, mostly gwent ones, which, easily, is at least a hundred more that i made last year, and that's absolutely nuts

and now at the end of the year i got into digital drawing, and of course, it's far from perfect and i need like actual practice, not just coloring and tracing, but it's just a nice thing to do while listening to a podcast or watching yt 😌

also! i made and posted my first mod, which then i wasn't able to update thanks to my laptop crashing, but it's still out there! it might even still work! :'D

and finally, despite losing my second job back at the start of lockdown, i managed to save during the year enough cash to start 2021 with a brand new gaming laptop \o/

?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

Fic writers let’s goooo

Found this circling online and I will be doing it ok and I would love to see all of your responses ! 

I love writing Friends to Lovers and Hurt/Comfort

Hardest fic of 2020 was “I love you 5 thousand different ways”

Easiest fic of 2020 was “The stars are the exception”

Favorite story ever is probably one I haven’t published yet (sequel to “The hands we’re given”)

I hop really badly. It makes editing super difficult lol

I’ve never deleted a published fic because I see them all as my writing history. Even the unfinished ones, even the awful ones. I’ll probably always keep them up unless someone finds them offensive/hurtful.

Best writing advice: rewrite. I hate it so much but it’s really good. I also like the reminder that readers are only seeing 10% of your character, but you still have to develop 100% of them anyways. 

The worst: just write! What the fuck does that even mean? It’s unhelpful and doesn’t make me want to write. 

I have not collabed! I do come here for help though and the Pac-Man gang always has my back.

I currently have 40 WIPs, 25 of which will likely never be published. 

I’m most proud of “Broken Toys” bc even though I hate the writing I love that it’s been an educational tool for those who don’t know much about asexuality and a place for other aces to feel seen. 

I’m currently really invested in “The Art of Burning”  by hella1975 but I truly can’t pick just one I have so many favorites and have a ton of respect for other fic authors

Best review? I also can’t pick. I have the most incredible readers who are way too nice to me and make me feel very loved and appreciated. When I’m especially sad I’ll reread comments from “Big Dai Energy” because everyone there is so nice even though I don’t deserve it 

Worst review omg okay so back in my Teen Wolf writing days I got this insane comment where they were angry that I gave someone’s werewolf betas to a different alpha for the purpose of the plot, and they ranted like crazy about it. It was so funny, and I got a ton of comments aimed at that person from other readers who were like “???? What is ur problem?” 

Hmm I think I’d write a prequel to “you told me that you fell in love with it, hadn’t gone as I planned” by @just-a-gay-bean because it would probs be angsty as hell and she created such a rich history that it would probably be a pleasant write

I do reread my own stories, mostly to cringe and remind myself how to make my future ones better

Nah, being published seems like a lot of work. Writing is just a nice outlet. I think it would be kinda cool to develop a TV show (my friend and I are sort of working on one right now)

I love writing Akaashi Keiji and Kuroo Tetsurou

It’s hard and not as fun for me to write characters that I don’t think much about, like the Miya twins, Hinata, and Yachi. I think they’re great characters, but I just have no clue how to write them. 

I set tons of deadlines. If I can’t make them, I usually get pretty discouraged.

Oh god okay justagaybean, hella1975 and literally I can’t think of any more specifically and I promised myself i wouldn’t look things up

I want to try a magic AU, I think it would be a lot of fun.

I will never write A/B/O outside of actual werewolf fanfic (Teen Wolf in particular lol) or mpreg. Just not my thing.

I’ve been posting on AO3 since 2015 but I posted works to Wattpad and Quotev (Quizzaz at the time) back in 2011. They were really, really bad.

Other fanfic writers are a huge influence! I also take a lot of inspiration from music and life experience.

Hardest part is staying true to the story and the characters, and making sure that your vision stays consistent.

Easiest part is coming up with a loose plot and shoving in the characters you like haha

Best part of writing fanfic is reimagining your favorite characters in interesting storylines, happier worlds, and/or with deeper connections than they have in canon. I love how there’s no limit to the possibilities

Plot of a WIP: Character A moves into a new apartment after leaving their abusive ex and starts a shiny new job. They meet Character B (their neighbor) as well as a ton of people at their job, in the apartment, and at the corner store. They slowly grow into A’s support group and A is just like “huh, weird that people can still like me even after I’ve been ruined” and then eventually A and B strike up a great friendship that turns into something more and it’s really angsty but also really hopeful.

I think I bring versatility. I try to reimagine the characters as I see them rather than what the fandom sees them as in fanon but I also think that it helps that my fics are all incredibly different.