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#it is December and the sun is gone
petrichara · 5 months
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There comes a moment, a few years forward. Precision of memory fails. The exact cadence of their voice, light of their eyes, the way they made their tea. You catch yourself in the midst of a story; you don’t know the next words. They’re not here to ask. Immortalised in grief, they are myth and memory.
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theinfinitedivides · 4 months
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he's gone.
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imaginarypasta · 9 months
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AGHHHGHHHHHHHGGSJDNXJSJSJ
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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i wna write :c
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pink-sparkly-witch · 5 months
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Tequila
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Summary: Tequila has a lot to answer for when Y/N wakes up naked in Dean’s bed, but once the shock wears off, she realises that maybe it’s not such a bad thing.
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader
Rating: Teen
Warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of smut, angst, fluff, feelings, friends to lovers
Word Count: 1k
A/N: Another December Drabble for you all to enjoy!
My Masterlist     AO3    Ko-Fi
Consider reblogging to spread this far and wide around this Hellsite, or leaving a comment. It really does fuel a creative’s muse. If you’re too shy or too cool for people to know you read fanfic and you don’t want it showing on your blog, you can submit an anonymous ask or drop me a DM 💖
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The sun streams through the motel’s threadbare curtains, rudely awakening you from a deep, drunken sleep. Your head is pounding, and there’s a ringing in your ears that comes with the vague memory of the loud music playing at the bar last night.
It’d been a hard hunt to stomach: Lamia, a child-eating demon, had decided to take up residence in Grangeville, Idaho, and once you’d blasted her ass back to hell, you and Dean really, really needed to let off a lot of steam.
Luckily, there was a dive bar next door to the motel, so neither of you had to stay sober enough to drive home, and you’d both been well and truly shit-faced. You’d hustled a small fortune playing pool; he’d sung karaoke, and there were tequila shots… lots and lots of tequila shots.
A snore from behind you made you freeze. It sounded like Dean, but that couldn’t be right. Why would you and Dean be in the same bed? Whoever it was rolled over and slid their arm over your waist, pulling you into their body. You could feel something hard poke the back of your thigh… at least he’s packing, you thought before the mystery man spoke.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” Suddenly, the whole night’s events come flooding back to you at once.
One tequila shot turned into two. Two turned to four. Four turned to six, and before you knew it, you were stumbling through the door to Dean’s room, lips attached to his, nails raking through his hair and over his scalp and neck, tongues dancing a passionate tango while your clothes flew in every direction.
Dean made love to you so deliciously good. He was sweet and gentle at times. Rough and hard when you needed it. In all the years you’d known him, this was the first time you’d ended up in his bed, yet he knew your body better than you did. 
The green-eyed hunter had known how to pleasure you better than anyone had before him. Touching places no one had ever touched before. Taking you higher than you’d ever been, making you scream his name so loud the occupant next door had banged the wall.
It’s overwhelming, and you can feel last night’s alcohol swirl dangerously in your stomach, threatening to make an appearance. You lifted the covers and glanced down. Yep, definitely naked.
Pulling the sheet tighter to your body, you cautiously turn around, your worst fear confirmed as Dean’s twinkling green orbs and cocky smirk greet you.
“Well, this changes things!” he grins, and you can’t decide if you want to punch his painfully beautiful face or kiss him.
“Oh, God!” you gasp, covering your face with your hands. “This can’t be happening.”
“Y/N?” Dean asks, concern evident in his voice. “You okay?”
“I can’t believe I did you—I mean that. I can’t believe I did that,” you mumble.
“Come on, don’t be like that! We had a great time. I got you off six times, sweetheart! That’s a personal record for me!”
Dean’s words are meant to be comforting, but they do the opposite and only embarrass you more. The urge to kiss him is gone, leaving you wanting to punch his painfully beautiful, smug face.
“Seriously, Y/N, are you okay? Did I hurt you in any way? Did you not want that to happen? Because I gotta say, you were all over me at the bar, and I get that we had a lot of tequila and were drunk, but I thought you wanted me, too?”
Now that Dean had put his cocky persona aside and the real Dean was in the room, you’d changed your mind again and wanted to kiss him.
“No, Dean. I wanted it to happen. I have for an embarrassingly long time. What I don’t want is to be just another notch on your bedpost. It’s why I’ve never given in to your very persuasive charms over the years. Because I want to be more than just one night to you. And I know that’s not what you want—”
“Woah, Y/N, slow down!” Dean shot up on the bed and turned you to face him. “Did you not hear me when I said this changes things? Do you honestly think I’d risk what we have for one night? I’ve wanted you since the day we met, and last night was the first time since we met that you’ve shown any interest in me. And sweetheart, I haven’t been shy in pulling out my best moves for you.” His words and body language are so expressive and genuine, and you know he’s not feeding you a line. He likes you and he’s wanted you for a long time. All of his flirting and come-ons were real.
“And I thought ‘this is it. I finally get to call her my girl’. Maybe I shouldn’t have followed through with it when we were drunk, but I don’t regret taking my chance with you. Please tell me you don’t regret what happened.” Dean cups your cheeks to keep your gaze on his. The pain crossing his features breaks your heart. You want to tell him you feel the same way, but it’s risky.
“Honestly, I don’t remember much from last night, just bits and pieces, but I know enough to know that if that happened, I wanted it to happen,” you say, trying to ignore the look of Dean’s disappointment at your lack of memory from the night before.
“Do you really want me?” you ask, terrified this was a tequila-induced dream.
“Since the day I met you. And if you’re interested, I’d like to see where we’d go. Together. As a couple.” For once, Dean looks incredibly shy and vulnerable, making your heart swell.
“I’d like that too, De,” you smile, giggling when he grins boyishly.
“Yeah?” he checks, and you nod.
“Yeah,” you confirm.
“Then, I think you should lay back and let me refresh your memory of last night,” Dean grins as he gently pushes you back down on the mattress and pulls your legs apart.
Tags: @acitygrownwillow @akshi8278 @ashbatz @candy-coated-misery0731 @chriszgirl92 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @deansbbyx @deanwanddamons @duncanhillscoffeecups @foxyjwls007 @giggles1026 @globetrotter28 @hobby27 @hoboal87 @impala67rollingthroughtown @iprobablyshipit91 @jackles010378 @jamerlynn @jc-winchester @k-slla @kazsrm67 @kmc1989 @lacilou @ladysparkles78 @leigh70 @lyarr24 @michecolegate @mrsjenniferwinchester @nancymcl @negans-lucille-tblr @nelachu2423 @octoberclidan @perpetualabsurdity @roseblue373 @sandlee44 @sexyvixen7 @snackles87 @spnbaby-67 @spnwoman @stixnstripesworld @stoneyggirl2 @suckitands33 @synmorite @tristanrosspada-ackles @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @winchestergirl1720
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itsjusthockey · 5 months
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December - Adam Fantilli
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Officially in Adam era. Enjoy
I miss him at Michigan
w.c: 1,923 (credit to gif maker)(don't steal my work)
You learned quickly that December is a lot colder without him here. All the Christmas lights seem a little less bright, the hot chocolate tastes a little more bland, and the joys of the season are still there, just slightly muted.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. He was busy, so were you. College and hockey don’t stop, and the world will never cater to your relationship, no matter how much you wish it would sometimes. Instead, you both learned to figure it out. You FaceTime, call, and text as much as you can. Adam even suggested writing letters, but with his handwriting, you suggested something else.
You both send each other care packages, his typically filled with snacks you knew he’d love or books you insist he needs to read. Yours were always filled with new merchandise and one of his sweatshirts that still smelled like him. It is a good system, and you love how you make it work. But alas, Adam isn’t in Michigan, and you wish every night that he was.
A pound on your door jolts you out of your daze, and you check what time it is on your phone; it’s around 6:30, and you aren’t expecting anyone to your apartment. You’re confused when you look through the little peephole, but that all of a sudden disappears when your second favorite Fantilli is on the other side of the door. He’s not alone either, standing patiently with Rutger.
Each boy is clad in Michigan gear from head to toe, and Luca giggles about something when you open the door. The boys turn to you with the wildest smile that immediately makes you suspicious.
“What do I owe this pleasure?” You ask, narrowing your eyes a bit.
The boys dramatically roll their eyes, and Rutger places his hand on his heart in mock betrayal.
“Are we not allowed to visit our favorite person ever?”
You roll your eyes at Rutger and shift in the doorway, opening space for them. With bright smiles, they shuffle in, dropping their bags and immediately making themselves comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, Rutger opens your fridge and grabs out Capri Sun.
“I love this, don’t get me wrong, but why’re you here? I know you’ve both had a busy day.”
The pair grow quiet, and Rutger looks toward Luca to lead.
“Adam said you were a bit sad today.” Luca pipes up. “And we’re good at making you happy.
A small part of you feels terrible; it’s not their job to check on you, but most of you want to cry happy tears. You love these boys, and it means a lot that they still care about you, even when Adam is gone.
“So, we’re taking you out. No arguments, go change.” Rutger says, shooing you to your bedroom.
You give in because, of course, you do. It has been a bit of a rough day, and it didn’t help that your boyfriend has only texted you a few times today, telling you about how busy his weekend is going to be and he might not be around much.
You pull on some of Adam’s old Michigan gear, and within a few minutes, you’re walking out of your apartment with the boys. They don’t tell you where they’re taking you, but you just follow, content with being with your friends.
“She actually said that to her face?” Luca asks in disbelief.
You are telling the boys about some friend drama when you reach your destination. It’s a cute little pasta place close to campus, and It is one of your favorite spots. Adam took you here a lot in the last year, and you haven’t been able to go as often now that he’s been gone.
You smile as you follow Luca in, Rutger trailing behind you as you continue telling your story. Soon enough, you’re seated in a booth, food ordered, and you’re listening to them tell you about their own lives, hockey, and whatever the hell else.
You’re soaking up every minute with them, and you realize as you’re talking that you miss being around them. You miss the jokes, the laughs, the chaos, and you know that you have to get out of this little funk. They’re still your best friends, and you have to start seeing them more.
The pasta comes, and you dive in. It tastes like heaven, and you’re transported back to all the times you’ve eaten this meal with Adam. Your heart twinges slightly, but you shove the emotion down and continue laughing with the boys.
“So what’d you get A for Christmas?” Luce asks, mouth full of pasta. “Promise I won’t tell.”
You shrug your shoulders a bit. “A couple of little things. But I was thinking about visiting him, but I’m not sure he has time.”
You looked into it a bunch, but every weekend before Christmas was jam-packed in both of your schedules.
“You guys will figure it out.” Luca hums.
“Yeah, besides, he hasn’t seen you in a while, and I bet all he wants is to unwrap you like a pres-“
“Gross Rut,” Luca interrupts him, and you both laugh at his disgusted face.
The rest of the meal goes by, and at the end of it, you’re feeling much better about life. You’re super happy with this reunion, and you want it to continue, but Luca's phone buzzes on the table, and he gives Rutger a look.
“Ready to go?” Rutger asks, and you nod, heading back outside into the Michigan cold.
It’s a beautiful night, and when you step out, you see that light snow has started to fall. It looks picturesque as you stare at the snow and the decorations for the season. You feel your heart swell, then get slightly sad again, but you smile anyway.
“It’s perfect out.” You whisper to the pair, and they nod. “Are you guys going to come back up? Watch a movie or something?”
The pair share a quick look, and Rutger shakes his head.
“We can’t, we gotta head back.”
You’re a bit disappointed, but you don’t show it. They both have lives, and you can’t expect them to stay forever just because you’re a little lonely.
“All good, this was so nice. Thanks, you guys.”
Both the boys smile at you, and you walk back to your apartment. It’s still snowing, and when you reach the building, they stop at the entrance.
“Are you good to go back up yourself? My mom’s calling me.” Luca says quickly.
You nod your head, say a quick goodbye, and watch as the boys walk briskly away. You’re a bit confused, but you wave anyway as they speed off.
You make your way to the elevator, and you feel good as you climb the floors. You’re happy you got to spend time with some of your favorite boys, even if it was just for a while.
When you step out of the elevator and round the hall to your place, you smell a Christmas candle, and a wave of nostalgia hits you. It’s your favorite Christmas scent, and you almost want to cry. However, you don’t because as you come to your door, you realize the smell is wafting from your apartment.
You’re so completely lost, but when you unlock the door, everything falls into place.
There he is, standing in the center of your apartment wearing a cozy ugly Christmas sweater you’d bought him and smiling as though he’s the happiest man in the world.
You freeze, taking in the decorated apartment. You see a small little Christmas tree with a few presents, lights that line the space, and your favorite fucking candle lit on your dining table.
You drop your keys to the floor, and tears flow as he crosses the room to meet you. When he envelops you in his arms, you cry even harder, knowing that this is probably the happiest moment you’ve had in a long time.
“Hey baby,” Adam says into your hair. “Merry Christmas.”
You release him just enough to see his face. His beard has grown back, his eyes are a little glossy, too, and his smile is one of the brightest you’ve ever seen.
“Did you miss me?” He asks, wiping a tear from your face.
You pull back even further and give him a slight glare. “Yes, you asshole.”
You pull him back in, but this time, you pull him down slightly to meet his lips for the first time. In a simple moment, it’s like a world of color appears again before your closed eyes. Almost every thought in your brain is stripped out and replaced with him. He’s here. Really here. He’s here pressing his lips to yours and pulling you closer. He’s cupping your face, running his hand up and down your back and into your hair. He tastes familiar, and everything about him makes you feel complete. You finally feel whole again within his arms.
When you finally convince yourself to pull away, you meet his eyes again. You want to tell him you love him, but instead, your brain fails to string any thoughts together. So you simply pull him back to you and hope your kiss will show him those three words.
———————-
The night goes by slowly, and you couldn’t be more thankful. You spend hours talking, laughing, and staying cuddled on your couch. Only removing yourself when it gets late enough and you can barely keep your eyes open. You eventually make it to your bed, and everything is right as you lay against Adam’s chest, listening to his heart steadily beating.
“So Luca and Rut were your pawns?” You ask Adam, tracing little shapes on his chest.
He lets out a small laugh, and it's music to your ears.
“I mentioned I needed help surprising you, and the team had to draw names to see who would be the distraction.”
You smile at the thought and cuddle even closer to him.
“I missed you.” You say after a minute.
You grin as he pulls you impossibly closer and kisses you gently on the head.
“I know,” he says. “But this doesn’t last forever. It’s just tough right now.”
You nod, agreeing with him. Right now, it sucks, but soon enough, you’ll be done with school, and he’s already out there making a name for himself. You know he knows how proud you are of him, and you support his dreams, even if it means you have to spend a couple of years like this.
You have your own life and your own dreams to keep you busy. But even then, you crave being with one another, and a piece you is always missing when he isn’t around you. But you do it anyway. You love him, and it’s these little moments that remind you why you put yourself through the pain. When he’s with you, when you’re together, everything is aligned, and it's nothing but perfection.
Yeah, December might be much colder when he isn’t with you, but when he is, it’s like you’re on fire. The only feeling you have is endless warmth.
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tipsyleaf · 13 days
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Imagine pregnancy cares with Leon…🥹🥹
You’re hungry? He’s running to the store at 3:00 AM to make you some spicy noodles with a side of pickles. Your feet are swollen? Put your legs up on his lap and let him massage those feet! The baby won’t stop kicking your ribs? Well they’ll get a stern talking to! >:(
I feel like Leon would definitely not let you do one single thing around this house, hell, you couldn’t even get up to grab a glass of water anymore. He’d carry you around the house like a little princess, setting you down in bed and tucking you in, kissing you goodnight like you were a little kid. Talking to your belly in the middle of the night, telling it random and silly stories, acting like your baby knew what the hell he was talking about.
Don’t even get me started on your bump, he’d looooovvvveeeee that big ol’ belly of yours. When you wore those pretty flowy sundresses because you refused to wear pants during the last month or so of your pregnancy, how those dresses would show your bump (and your melons, wink wink👀) off were definitely the best parts. You were the prettiest thing in the world to him, even more now that you were carrying his child.
If only I could give him that cute domestic life he deserves…
- Anon! 🎀
Oh my God, I love domestic Leon so much... He deserves that typical white picket fence life.
So there's conflicting resources online so I'm just gonna make an assumption here. July-December is when most babies are born. So far the same of a time line we'll say you're due in September.
So it's like the dead ass middle of July. Hot as balls and it's 3am. You want spicy noodles and pickles. (You're usually craving) But when you go to the kitchen they're both gone. You just grab an otter pop from the freezer, and head back to bed. The bed dips under your weight as you sit, adjusting your pillows before you lay back. The window AC is at that perfect angle where it's hitting you enough to make you chilly as you curl up with your snack and blanket.
Leon rolls over in his sleep, putting his arm around you and pulls himself closer to you with a groan. Lifting his head without opening his eyes, you know what he wants. Leaning down you give him a kiss. He sinks back into his pillow, tongue jutting out to wet his lips.
"Why... Do I taste cherry?" He opens his eyes, looking up to see you already drinking the juice from the clear package.
"No noodles? No pickles?" He questions, turning on his back as he takes in a sharp yawn. Rubbing away the sleepy gunk from his eyes.
"We're out." He turns his head, watching you look at the empty wrapper in disappointment. He sits up without a second thought, still groggy as he grabs his wallet off the nightstand giving you another kiss before he stands up. Slinking out the door in his pajamas.
30 minutes he comes back with fresh made spicy beef noodles from your favorite late night Korean dinner and a jar of pickles the size of a baby. An you bet you scarf those things down while he watches you like your his whole world. This goofy smile on his face while you slurp up glass noodles and glance at him.
"Wuh?" You say through chews. He chuckles, shaking his head.
"Nothing babe, just eat your noodles." He moves in getting comfortable. Rubbing your lower back and belly at the same time while talking to the baby until he eventually falls back asleep with his head on your thigh.
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SUN DRESSES WITH A BABY BUMP WOULD MAKE THIS MAN GO FERAL! There's this thing about pregnant women that men find attractive because their instinct is to detect fertility and protect. Which is insane as is...
But when it's your own partner? Oh boy.
He thought you were beautiful in sundresses before but now it's just heightened!
It's getting harder to bend and pull things up with an entire human being inside of you so you resort to the old reliable method. Dresses. Everyday.
You wobble out of the bedroom with your flip flops. Dropping them on the floor you slide them on. Ready for a day at the beach together before the baby comes. The dress is a shade of blue, slightly low cut but really showing off the girls with how much you've blown up during pregnancy.
Leon's outside fighting with the chairs trying to get them in the back of the car and fit the cooler at the same time. Already breaking a sweat and they haven't even left the driveway yet. You walk out, watching him fight for his life against these chairs and finally he gets the trunk to shut and he sees you. The first thought that crosses his mind was:
oh shit... She looks that good? Do we have to leave the house?
Followed by: That's mine, she's mine. Carrying my baby inside her... And looks that sexy doing it. Maybe we should have another kid right away after the first one...
His brains going in overdrive before you tell him you're getting in the car. He quickly comes around, helping you buckle yourself in and shuts your door for you.
The entire day it's hard for him to not be constantly touching you. He usually just guides you by a hand on your back but he's got you pulled close, a hand on your thigh, giving you kisses more frequently. Even going for an ass grab or two without caring if anyone is looking.
And you bet your ass the second you two get home you're getting a shower together. Just to make sure you get all the sand off of course (👀)
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theillusionmachine · 4 months
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Where Love and Confusion Begin (Ominis Gaunt x F!Reader)
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"Do you really think I could be that cruel and careless to you?"
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December 25th, 1893 The Yule Ball... Wear your best formal attire-
Everywhere I turned I seemed to hear about. Countless after countless bouts of excited, restless chatter would always manage to come echoing back to me. And while I understood why most would be excited about the prospect of a ball, I on the other hand couldn't help but feel... downright anxious about it all.
I knew it sounded silly, completely dramatic. Afterall, I had been through a lot worse things during my time in Hogwarts. But for some reason, my mind, my thoughts, my worries just couldn't relax. And when they did for a short while, they'd slowly begin to drift back onto one person...
Ominis Gaunt.
I was practically infatuated with the man. For a multitude of reasons, besides his obviously good looks. He was marvelously kind, had a whit so quick it could make your head spin, and could be snarky and sarcastic one minute. But caring and loving the next.
Ominis simply made it hard not to love him.
But he did, however, make it hard for me to even think about going to the Yule Ball with him. We were friends, close ones despite the fact that I had only been at Hogwarts for a couple of years. Our friendship would be something I'd always treasure, something I would never want to ruin because my love for him clouded my judgement.
And the thought of losing him because of that was enough to make me nauseous.
"Enjoying a cat nap, are we?"
I slowly cracked open one of my eyes, wincing slightly at the beam of sunlight that had been slowly warming me as I laid down in one of the many alcoves at Hogwarts. But once my vision focused fully, Sebastian came into view. Grinning down at me cheekily.
"I wasn't napping." I muttered, forcing myself to sit up. "Just enjoying the sun.
"You could've gone outside for that." Sebastian suggested, now sitting down on the floor too.
"It's freezing, you sit outside for an hour." I replied, a little too snappy for my liking.
But Sebastian wasn't fazed by my crass mood in the slightest. In fact, Sebastian seemed to find me to be quite humorous. "Aww, is someone missing their nap partner?" He teased, making me grumble in annoyance.
"Oh, shut it, I don't know what you're talking about."
Sebastian let an exaggerated sigh, leaning back slightly on his hands before continuing. "You both are insufferably stubborn you know that right? Ominis was in a terrible mood after History of Magic because you decided to ditch today."
I scoffed at Sebastian theatrics, not even bothering to hide the fact that I had rolled my eyes. "History of Magic is painfully boring, anyone who goes to that class will be in a ba-"
"History of Magic is tiring enough, but her not being their made it worse." Sebastian deadpanned, trying his hardest to imitate Ominis's tone.
"Well, I am very entertaining." I replied sarcastically. "And can you really blame me for skipping out on that class? I swear if I hear one more time how many wizarding cloaks were destroyed during the Goblin Rebellion, I'll lose whatever mind I have left."
"It's 632." Sebastian couldn't help but laugh at my less than amused expression.
"Are you finished? Or did you actually approach me to talk about something important?"
"Yes." He began, clearing his throat. "If you would stop changing the topic that is."
"I am not-"
"Ah, ah, that's the same thing Ominis said to me after classes. You two are so incredibly in sync today." Sebastian teased. "It's quite adorable really. He's moody, you're moody, you're happy, he's smiling up a storm, if you've disappeared to... god knows where, a majority of the time he's right there with you."
It annoyed me to no end how right on the money he is...
"What're you getting at Sebastian?" I questioned meekly, trying my hardest to ignore the flush I was beginning to feel on my cheeks.
"I think we both know exactly what I'm getting at." Sebastian spoke bluntly, raising up from the stone-cold floor. "Maybe you should ask him, Ominis can get into his head rather easily. And you know that can stop him from saying what he wants to."
Sebastian then walked away, leaving me practically dumbfounded on the floor.
Ask him... ask him... merlin I don't know if that idea made me feel better or worse. The idea of being rejected by him was painful. But maybe if I asked to go with him as friends that it would work...
"Sebastian, you might've actually had a good idea for once."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had decided to skip dinner for the night, not feeling too hungry after the talk I had with Sebastian. I figured a moment alone would give me enough clarity to decide whether I'd actually bite the bullet and asked Ominis to the ball.
"Ah, there you. I was starting to think you were avoiding me."
But a moment alone in this school was a rarity... Of course, he was here... why wouldn't he be?
"Ominis, I figured you would've been in the Great Hall for dinner." I greeted, trying to keep my nervous laughter from bubbling up to the surface.
"Wasn't hungry." He answered nonchalantly, turning back to face the fireplace of our common room.
I stood there for a moment, in silence, completely unsure of what to say next. But Ominis beat me to it, filling the silence before I got the chance to.
"Aren't you going to sit?" He began, I hadn't even noticed he had turned his head again, his eyes somehow managing to land right on me.
Just like they always managed to do...
"Or were you really avoiding me?"
That sentence managed to snap me out of my tongue-tied state. That nervous laugh I held in before leaked out before I had the chance to stop it this time around. "You know I wasn't avoiding you."
I finally moved from my spot, walking over and sitting next to him on the couch. I couldn't help but gaze over at him. His hand was lightly raised in the air, his wand beaming red at the tip as a book rested in his lap. A small smile curved his pale pink lips, he looked completely at ease. Which after the past couple of years was a nice sight to see.
"You're nervous." Ominis muttered, and though his voice was soft, I couldn't help but tense up. "You keep bouncing your leg... I know you only do that when you're anxious about something."
"I didn't even realize I was doing it." I admitted, leaning back into the cush couch cushions.
Ominis copied my movements, leaning back against the cushions a mere moment later. His book was now abandoned, the pages of it turning carelessly on their own accord. "Something on your mind?"
I took in a steady breath; thankful it had not trembled like I thought it would. "Maybe." I answered coyly, making Ominis's small smile bloom slightly.
"Are those thoughts the reason I've hardly heard from you all day?"
damn it damn it damn it... think of something to say quick... don't come off as suspicious...
"Hey, maybe you were the one avoiding me. Last time I checked I haven't heard from you too much either today." I deflected, trying to sound humorous.
"Hmm," Ominis hummed. "You've got a good point there... but I have a reason for my... disappearance." He added vaguely.
I leaned forward trying to get a good look at his face. The shadows of the fire danced along his face, illuminating his marble eyes beautiful. His expression was humorous too, and I knew exactly why...
"You know I hate it when you leave me hanging like that." I grumbled, making him let out a smooth chuckle.
"I merely wanted to avoid the constant chatter of the Yule Ball is all. It's beginning to become a bit... excessive."
"You two are so in sync today."
I shook my head, trying to get the words Sebastian had spoken out of my head. "You're telling me, you should hear what I wake up to everyday as of late."
"I could only image." Ominis replied, chuckling once again. "I would rather not hear about something I know I'm not going to."
I could feel my heart sink at his words. I hadn't even thought of the fact that he might not want to go at all.
"N-not going to? Why wouldn't you go?" I questioned curiously.
"A blind person spending their night alone at a ball doesn't exactly sound to enticing to me."
"Oh." Is all I could think to say, I leaned back into the couch contemplating my next move carefully.
Should I ask him... what if he just really doesn't want to go. I don't wanna look stupid.
Screw it...
"Would you want to go with me?"
I tense at my own words, not daring to move to see Ominis's reaction. My heart was racing, so much so it felt as though my pulse was about to burst through my skin. And the silence I was met with after I asked was completely unsettling.
Merlin why did I listen to Seb-
"It's a bit untraditional for a girl to ask a boy to a ball, isn't it?" He pondered.
Okay, it's not a total no... that's a relief.
"Maybe, but it's not like that has to be a bad thing." I replied hopefully. "And besides, it'll be fun to go with someone who... so entertaining to you." I added, attempting to sound boastful, but it just came across as a bit... jumbled.
Another bout of silence came, and in those few moments of the quiet. Part of me wished I was a legilimens, so I could see what was going on inside his mind... so I could hear what he thought of all of this.
When finally, I got my answer.
"I think it'd be nice to go with you."
Oh, my Merlin he actually said yes...
I couldn't stop the smile that began to form, a bubbling shyness began to boil to the surface. And my heart still definitely felt like it was going to beat out of its chest. With what little shred of coolness I had left, I finally was able to reply.
"It's a date...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then, the 25th rolled around... a day I was dreading at one point. But now felt so excited about it that I couldn't sleep.
I felt giddy, or like a swarm of butterflies was fluttering throughout me. I felt restless, I couldn't stay in one place, and I fought the urge to not pace most of the night. But for some reason, I couldn't seem to care... and with every passing hour that I stayed awake, it just revitalized me.
Though, judging from the bags in my eyes, my body didn't exactly share the same sentiment I did.
But thank goodness for Samantha Dale...
I never would've guessed she had such a knack for Herbology. Yet, when she let me up into her dorm in the Ravenclaw tower, after we agreed to get ready together. A whole spread of concoctions was set up.
"You know there is such a thing as beauty sleep." Samantha teased as she stared at my reflection in her vanity.
She carefully places a mint green cream under my eyes, making a pleasant tingling sensation hit me. "That'll clear those bags up in no time!" She stated confidently.
"Thank you." I began to bounce my leg again as the nerves began to creep up on me.
"Nervous?" Samantha asked, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
"Is it obvious?" I asked in reply, letting out a shaky chuckle.
"Just a smidge." She spoke considerately. "But I don't think you need any reason to fret. I find you and Ominis to be a lovely pairing."
My eyes shot up from my hands to gaze at her and I could feel an eyebrow raise questioningly. "P-paring? as in?"
"A couple?" Samantha replied, just as questioningly as I did.
"Oh... we aren't together... like that." I muttered sheepishly.
Samantha chuckled, looking over at me incredulously. "There's no way! Honestly, a lot of people already assume you two are together."
"Really?"
Samantha scoffed, shaking her head at me. "Look, I've seen the way you look at him. And I've seen the way he is around you. People who aren't in love don't act like that."
"Hey, I'm not denying that I've fallen for him." I admitted honestly. "It's just... a hard thing to say to someone you've grown so close to."
Samantha just eyed me for a moment, seemingly taking my words in. "You think he doesn't feel the same way, do you?"
I felt my lips curve into a bittersweet smile. My sights falling onto my hands again. "It's hard to believe that he would."
"Hmm... but, you two are going to the ball together?"
I chuckled at her puzzled words before nodding my head. "Sounds maddening, doesn't it?"
Samantha was quick to shake her head, a sudden, bright smile coming second later. "Not maddening, but an opportunity. You should say something to him!"
"Eh..."
"No, no, just listen for a second!" Samantha exclaimed. "It'd be the perfect opportunity to, honestly this sounds like something that would be in a romance novel!"
"But this isn't a romance novel."
"Exactly! So, it'll be even more beautiful, when the pair of you are slow dancing... and the music and the others around you fade because all you can focus on is yourselves. And before you know it, you two will kiss."
That truly does sound picture perfect...
"Why would it be more beautiful?"
Samantha lovesick smile faded into fondness. "Because it'll be real, and I'll know that the love you feel will be real as well."
I took in a deep breath, trying not to get consumed by the possibilities Samantha planted in my head. But I simply couldn't...
"You have such a way with words." I huffed playfully. "So, I'm really going to do this? I'm... I'm going to tell him that I... love him."
Samantha nodded; her expression full of enthusiasm. "That's exactly what you're going to do! You'll arrive as friends and leave together reveling in love."
"Won't leave tonight as friends." I muttered moreso to myself to... pep myself up.
But Samantha managed to hear me. "Exactly." She spoke, her tone full of satisfaction. "Now, enough chit chat. We must get our hair done." She added, jumping up from her bed before walking over to me.
"Yes let's..."
As I gazed at myself in the mirror, and I felt the occasional tugs of my hair, my mind began to wander. And soon enough, it wandered right onto Ominis. I was sure he was being a lot more composed than me. But part of me wished that he was just as giddy as I was. Or had thought of little scenarios about how out night would go like I had.
But I seriously doubt that would be going through his mind..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross, shift, pull, tie...
"Ominis?"
Cross, pull... shift, tie
"Uh, Ominis?"
Tie... tie... tie...
"Ominis! Are you trying to fix your tie or choke yourself?" My friends' words were humorous. And I could hear him try to, but fail to hold back a laugh.
"I couldn't tell you honestly." I admitted, laughing myself as I attempted to tug my fingers out of the knot, I managed to get them in.
I could hear Sebastian begin to walk over to me before I suddenly felt a slight tugging on my undone tie. "You can slick back and swirl your hair into... merlin knows how many swirls; you can somehow manage to perfectly button hundreds of those tiny damn things. But you can't fix a tie?" Sebastian muttered humorously.
I let out an exaggerated sigh before I replied. "I can't be perfect at everything can I?"
"Oh, shove off." Sebastian rebutted, breaking out into a laughter. "There, now that looks like a bowtie... you're welcome princess." He added mockingly.
I sighed, attempting to give him a glare. "Don't call me that."
Sebastian bellowed out another laugh before his footsteps began to wander in our room once again. "What would you prefer I call you?"
"Not that." I scoffed, carefully sitting back down onto my bed.
My thoughts began to push to the forefront of my mind, and it didn't take too long for it to fixate itself on her. Since she asked me, I couldn't help but spend many nights thinking about us... about her. Or how tonight would go, if by the end of the night we'd still be nothing more than friends... or something more.
Merlin did I wish we'd end up being something more. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this... facade with her.
"Ah, what's going on in that mind of yours?" Sebastian questioned but before I even attempted to respond he cut me off. "Is it her?"
"When did you get so bloody... observant?"
"I always have been, dear friend of mine. You just never bothered to notice." Sebastian boasted, I could only imagine how cocky his demeanor was as he spoke.
"My apologies, I've simply been too distracted by all the dabbling in the Dark Arts you did." I replied sarcastically.
"Hey, I stopped... eventually." Sebastian grumbled. "S-stop changing the subject... you two are way too good at it. You must've rubbed off on her."
I simply smiled at his words, soaking in the thought of her once again. The smooth sound of her voice, her raspberry iris perfume, her touch. I could drown happily in the thoughts of her, day in and day out.
I couldn't help but not to... I was hopelessly in love with her. And part of me was terrified because of it. But it was a fear I was thankful to experience in some way, and I'd experience it time and time again if it meant I could have her.
But I knew it my heart that I would never get that lucky...
"You should tell her, Ominis." Sebastian suggested, taking me out of my head once again.
I shook my head at his words, doubt began to replace the feelings of fondness I felt before. "I don't know..."
"What's there not to know? Tonight is the perfect opportunity to."
"I don't want to ruin things with her." I muttered lowly.
"Trust me, you wouldn't." Sebastian reassured me. "And, it's better to say something to her now. 'Cause it'll eat away at you mate, and you don't want that."
"How can you be so sure?" I questioned, genuinely wondering how his mind could work so optimisticly.
Sebastian let out a soft scoff, as if he was stating the obvious. "Friends don't act the way you two act with each other. And last time I checked I never saw you and Anne cuddled up on the common room couch."
"Well-"
"Or had Anne playing with your hair while you napped on her lap."
"Okay but-"
"And I know for a fact that I've never seen Anne get... viscerally envious because she heard a group of girls talking about trying to slip you a love potion."
"Okay, okay, I get your point." I managed to speak, letting out a huff. "I understand what you're saying, I do."
"Ah, finally, you admit I'm right. Your life would be so much easier if you said that more." Sebastian boasted once again. "So, you're going to tell her tonight then?"
"I am." I spoke strongly, though I couldn't help but feel that doubt that had stopped me so many times before seep through. "I can't believe I'm going to, but I am."
Sebastian sounded thrilled as he let out an elated laugh. "Finally! Seriously, watching you two pinning over each other was starting to get old."
"Sorry for the inconvenience." I apologized, rolling my eyes at Sebastian's theatrics.
"Don't beat yourself up over it." Sebastian replied nonchalantly.
"Now let's get a move on, you don't want to keep your lady waiting too long now do we?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The second I left the Samantha's dorm and made my journey back to the Slytherin common room. It was like my nerves continuously dashed away with each step I took. I felt levelheaded, as cool as one could be. It almost eerie to me, how I felt so nervous one minute but then completely calm the next.
Things just... felt right, like whatever was bound to happen tonight was simply meant to be. And I couldn't wait to spend my night with him, gently swaying as time seemingly ceased to exist.
Damn Samantha and her romance novels.
"Well, someone knows how to dress up." I turned my head, following the sound of Sebastian voice.
But any reply I attempted to come up with was lost the second I saw Ominis.
Green looks amazing on him...
"Wow," I began, sitting up from the arm of the plush couch. "You look fantastic."
Ominis was stood there, that same, at ease smile I looked forward to seeing so much greeted me tauntingly. "I'm sure you do as well." He spoke gently, my hands were then lightly gripped and placed in his hold.
My eyes mindlessly wandered down to them, and the longer my hands were place in his the more I realized how warm his felt compared to mind.
"Well, on that note, I think I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." Sebastian teased, quickly exiting the common room soon after.
The silence that came after Sebastian left was comfortable. There was no pressure or... plaguing thoughts to think of something to say. It was as if we were taking each other in, or simply just wanted a moment to ourselves.
I began to trace the faint lines I could feel on his palms before moving over to the next. Ominis's smooth laughter came soon after, making me look up to gage his reaction.
"Reading palms now, are you?"
"Mhm," I replied, smiling softly. "You want to know what I see?"
"Yes, very much so."
"Okay, I see..." I paused, tracing over a particularly deep line, one that almost felt like a scar. "That you have great hands."
I could see that he was taken aback, but not uncomfortable. A light, red flush soon bloomed on his cheeks, illuminating his blue marble eyes.
"And, that your cheeks will glow with a marvelous red tinge." I added whimsically.
"Stop it." Ominis muttered, a light laugh following his meek words.
"Fine." I relented easily, smoothly dropping his hands before hooking my arm with his. "We have a ball to get to anyway."
It didn't take too long to find our way to the great hall, that had been transformed into an icy yet stunning ballroom. The sounds of the classical were an easy guide for the pair of us.
"There seems to be a lot of people here." Ominis spoke, I could feel his arm tense under my hold.
"Seems too." I replied nonchalantly. "Doesn't surprise me too much, after all, all we've heard about these past few weeks is the ball.
"I just... don't want to bump into anyone."
I took my eyes off of the crowd and back towards him. He looked nervous, unsure of himself.
Can't have that...
"Oh, don't worry about that, you won't." I reassured him, giving his arm a light squeeze. "That's what your lovely date is here for." I added teasingly, bumping my hip against his.
Though the worry was still evident on his face, Ominis had begun to smile. Hopefully I was able to ease his nerves slightly. "You definitely are lovely."
"Hmm, so are you." I complimented, before gently guiding him through the crowded hall. "More than lovely." I grinned as I saw his cheeks flushed again.
"Darling..." Though he sentence stopped once I did, finally managing to find an open enough place to dance.
Wordlessly, I clasped his hand, Ominis seemed to catch onto what I was doing and was quick to glide his hand from my ribs to the middle of my back. My breath became caught in my throat at his touch and my posture straightened.
Don't tense, don't tense... we're just dancing.
"Is this okay?" He nearly whispered; I hadn't even noticed how close we were to each other, as we glided... cheek to cheek.
"P-perfect." The breath that was got in my throat finally escaped as I spoke. "Wouldn't want to be in this embrace with anyone else."
"I don't think you mean that." Ominis stated bashfully, delicately turning us around before we began to glide again.
"I know that I do." I answered defiantly. "I honestly couldn't imagine dancing with somebody else."
"Really?" He didn't sound completely doubtful this time around, honestly, he began to sound a bit humorous.
"Are you doubting my honesty, Ominis?" I asked, trying to match his playful tone.
"No, no... i just think you haven't... considered your options." He replied carefully, trying his best to articulate his words.
"Hmm, let's me think then... Amit? Nice, but no. Garreth? He's nice as well but not my type... and he's definitely into Natty."
"Sebastian?" Ominis chimed in, his face becoming void of much emotion.
"No, I imagine he'd step on my feet all night. That sounds less than pleasant does it not?"
"You have a fair point." Ominis agreed, before a slightly sinister grin took over. "Leander."
I grumbled at the mention of the infamous Gryffindor's name, the vibrations of Ominis's laugh could be felt soon after. "Don't make me retch."
Ominis's hand began rub circles into my back, I began to smile at the sensation, closing my eyes as he began to lull me into relaxation.
But then...
"So, why, would you choose me?" He asked, my eyes opening once again.
"Wh-why are you-"
"I just want to know." He cut me off gently. "It's been baffling to me as to why you chose to go with me."
"Because I know you-"
"You know Sebastian quite well."
"Not in the same way I do you... not in the same way that you know me too." I explained, finding it hard to believe I was starting to be so open about something I was so used to shoveling down.
But I wasn't going to stop now.
"You... you make me feel safe, and I know that I can trust you with anything I come to you with."
"I'm not always the most... understanding with some of the things you've spoken to me about." Ominis argued, as if he was trying to downplay my points.
"And I love how honest you are with me. You don't fill me with false confidence, or some... mindless delusions. You're my voice of reason, my tie to reality."
His grip began to tighten on my, and I could see his jaw begin to tense. "Reality isn't always the sweetest."
"You make it sweet."
He stopped his movements at my words, his eyes shut, and his head lowered, shaking. "Stop it." He muttered lowly.
"Why?" I spoke quietly. "Why do you want me to stop?"
"You don't mean it, you, you can't mean it."
"You know I'm no liar." I stated bluntly. "I mean every word... and I mean it when I say that I love-"
A harsh bump made the pair of us stumble, our hold finally coming apart. My words fell mindlessly, like the many specks of enchanted snow that surrounded us.
"Oh I'm sorry!" A voice spoke, clearly beggining to panic at what they had just done.
"It's fine don't-" The sound of hurried footsteps stop me once again, and I didn't need to turn around to know who they had belonged to. I didn't bother to try and finish my sentence, instead opting to hurry after Ominis before I lost him completely.
That wand really did imprint this place in his mind...
I could hardly keep up with him as he ran through the mostly desolate hall. The only people who were lingering in them were broken hearted girls, and the occasional... handsy couples.
Thankfully, before Ominis could fully disappear from my sight. I managed to see him slip outside into the courtyard. I hurried toward the large double doors, hoping I had the chance to catch him.
"Ominis wait!" I called out, my breath desperately trying to calm itself.
He was at the now frozen fountain, leaning against the stone tensely. "Why are you doing this to me?" He asked through clenched teeth.
I stepped down from the snow-covered stone steps, carefully approaching him. "Doing what?"
"Toying with me like this!" His voice was trembling, and he was clearly upset.
Was I too forward? Did he not take what I was saying seriously?
"Toying with you?" I repeated distantly. "Do you really think I could be that cruel and careless to you?"
He turned his head toward me, his eyes seemingly swimming in emotions he was struggling to contain.
"Ominis, my emotions, what I've said tonight, was never a game. It's real to me and it always has been." I admitted, feelings of vulnerability began to creep in. "I- I honestly, don't know how much blunter I need to be for you to believe me but, whatever it takes I'll do it!"
"Darling," Ominis called out fondly, he took in a deep breath before he continued. Most likely wanting to compose himself. "I'm sorry I... It's my mind toying with me, not you."
I grasped his hands, gripping them in hopes of emphasizing my point. "Well, tell your mind to stuff it." I huffed, Ominis bit his lip, holding back a bout of laughter.
I then laid my head against his chest, and I felt him rest his against mine soon after. "Friends don't act this way with one another, do they?" His voice was deep, vibrating slightly through his chest.
"No... and most don't cuddle by the fireplace or... spend all night talking, not even caring about how exhausted they felt because... they were with each other.
I felt him drop my hands from his before his arms wrapped themselves around me. "I treasured those nights, you know that?"
"Feelings mutual." I spoke against his chest, taking in a deep breath of his cologne. "And I hope they're still mutual when I tell you that I've fallen in love with you, Ominis."
My heart at that point felt like it was about to burst through my chest. But at the same time, it felt as though a weight had been lifted off of it.
I had never felt so free yet so... terrified at the same time.
One of his hands that had been embracing me began to travel up my body. Undoubtably leaving goosebumps in its wake. My jaw was then cupped, and my breath stuttering once I felt his thumb gently tugged on my lower lip. Before gently tilting my head up toward him.
"Definitely mutual." Ominis muttered, his lips tauntingly ghosting over mine. "Is this okay, love?"
We weren't leaving tonight as friends.
I closed the gap that kept our lips apart, and with that action, my breath dissipated with it. But I honestly could care less about that. Not when it was stolen away because of Ominis, not when he every touch of his lips and hands warmed nearly every inch of me.
Not when I found out that he actually loved me too.
He pulled away a bit too soon for my liking. A tremor quaked through my body. And I couldn't tell if it was cause my body was finally aware of the cold. Or if I simply missed the sensation of Ominis's touch.
Ominis attempted to warm me up, rubbing my arms as he pulled me closer to him once again. "Cold? Would you like to head back inside?"
A mindless smile curved my lips, a hazy wave of lovesickness came soon after. "No, being here is perfect... nearly perfect."
"Nearly? What can I do to make things picturesque for you?"
"Just... kiss me again, please."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello, I hope you all enjoyed this fic. It was actually a request someone sent in, and I absolutely loved writing it!
Sorry if there were some typos. I tried to proofread it as I went along but sometimes things slip by me. I have another request sent in that I'm going to work on next. But if you liked this one and had an idea of your own. Send it in and I'll gladly take the time to write it for you! Until next time, Illusion.
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Cherry Blossom Interventions 🌸 Fushiguro Megumi x Reader
Pairing: Fushiguro Megumi x Reader (can be read as any gender, no pronouns used) Genre: hurt/comfort – angst to fluff Word Count: 3 271 Warnings: SPOILER for up to chapter 253, suicidal tendencies and implications (Megumi), mentions of death and depression Summary: Megumi has drawn back from everyday life completely, so you intervene A/N: Sorry for the late post; life happened. Played volleyball with friends, went to eat sushi, went running with the same friends, went to Maces, and then to a foot Onsen.
Sakura Festival Masterlist - Masterlist
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"Why am I here?"
You stopped in your tracks and turned around to Megumi. He was standing underneath a cherry blossom tree when a cool breeze of spring air swept through his hair, carrying pink petals that caught in his black strands. His hair was shorter than it had been in autumn; not by much but the difference was still noticeable. You wondered whether he had cut it to not resemble the version of himself Sukuna had turned him into.
“You know why you are here,” you answered him, ignoring the frown on his brow. “This is an intervention.”
“What kind of intervention,” he asked back, clearly starting to get upset.
“What kind of intervention do you think it is?”
“Whatever it is, I’m not interested.” Megumi was already turning away from you again when you called out for him.
“We are worried,” you told him, almost shouting.
He just scoffed.
“Who is we?”
“Yūji, me, Toge, Maki, Yūta” you replied. “Panda, too, and Ieiri-sensei. Ever since December, ever since that last fight. Do you think we don’t know what's been going on with you? Do you think we don't know you've been skipping therapy and meals. We know you're just holed up in your room the whole day. We know you don't want to be here; you don't want to be with us anymore-”
“Then why can't you let me be?”
His shout made you flinch, but you had faced scarier things than an upset classmate.
“Because we care,” you shouted back. “We care too much to let you ruin your life like this! Don't misunderstand: We are not making light of the situation you were in - you are in. We understand that none of us could ever possibly imagine the things you have gone through, but you cannot ask us to let our friend die, who we fought so hard to save. You can't ask that of us!”
Megumi just rolled his eyes. “And what about what I want? What about the things I want,” he asked.
“For once, you don't get to say in this,” you shook your head. “It's not much we demand of you. We want you to eat properly. We know you haven't. We want you to step outside at least once a week, doesn't have to be long, just sit in the sun for a few minutes. That's all we ask. Or open your window, it's been barricaded since you moved back in in January. And go to your therapy sessions. We know you have them scheduled and we know you've been skipping them. You can't expect to get better if you don't go to these sessions.”
“And what if I don't want to get better?”
“That's not an option. I told you: For once you don't get to say in this.”
Megumi stared at you from between the falling cherry blossom petals that were carried down to the ground by the wind. You could see in his eyes that right now, in this moment in time, he thought he hated you. You just had to hope he didn't actually feel that way. If he did, you did you definitely would have been the wrong choice to have this conversation with him.
It had been quite a debate between the second years, Yūji, and you about who should talk to Megumi. You even considered asking Ieiri-sensei about being the one to talk to him, but in the end, everyone agreed it would be best if it were you. They were convinced you were the one he trusted the most, the one he liked the best. At least those were the others’ arguments. You weren't sure how true they held, now that he stared at you as if he wished you were to drop dead to the floor.
“All right,” Megumi sighed. “I'll oblige to your demands under one condition: Give me one good reason why I should continue fighting. But keep in mind: my mother is dead. My father is dead, killed by the man who raised me, the man who – although he is not my father – is the closest thing I've ever had to one, the man who I had to watch being killed by my own hands. My sister is dead, also killed by me. What do I live for? Give me one good reason.”
You stared back at Megumi watching the hatred in his eyes. It was obvious he didn't believe you had any idea what he was going through.
Truthfully, you didn't. Your situation was nothing like his, and you never had been in a situation like this before nor would you ever be, but that didn't mean you didn't know all the facts he just listed. His father, his mother, his sister, and Gojō-sensei, all the people he ever might have considered family, were gone, along with so many others. And in a large part he blamed himself for it.
It was not his fault, how could it have been his fault, when it had been Sukuna, who had possessed his body. But you supposed having to watch your own body commit such terrors, having to watch as your hands took life after life, unable to interfere, unable to save his friends and family, unable to do anything but watch them all being slaughtered… it wasn’t surprising he blamed himself.
“Gojō’s in a coma, one he might never wake back up from, and it's nobody's fault but mine. Do you really believe I can live in a world like that?”
You wanted to disagree with him, tell him that it was not his fault, that he was not the one to blame, that as long as you all stuck together, there was still hope, but you knew better than to do so. Instead, you started with what he had demanded of you.
“You want me to give you a reason to keep on living,” you asked. “Gojō-sensei is not dead. As you said he's in a coma. Ieiri-sensei has been working on him every day. As far as we know he might wake up any day now.”
Megumi shook his head. “You really believe that,” he asked, “if you’re really believing that, you are more naïve than I believed you to be.” He sounded disappointed.
“Not naïve,” you disagreed. “Hopeful.”
“Same thing.”
“But let's assume for one moment Gojō were to wake back up,” you continued the train of thought before Megumi could derail it again. “Wouldn’t you want to be there? Wouldn’t you want to see him again, talk to him again?”
“You’re dealing in probabilities; probabilities are not good enough. Give me something tangible.”
You blinked. You had really thought he would give in at Gojō. So, what were you to say now?
“A stary sky then,” you offered. “To go star gazing the way we did last summer. On a blanket, out in front of the school, sharing snacks and drinks.”
Megumi scuffed.
“Another sunrise,” you continued. “Pinks and reds and oranges dying the clouds, a new day with new possibilities-”
“New suffering? Not good enough.”
“A puppy’s fur under your fingertips, these sharp, tiny teeth burying in your skin.”
“And what for?” Before you could answer, he kept going. “All my life I’ve tried to form relationships, be close to people I care about, and all my life they left me. One after the other. So what good is another stary sky, another sunrise, a puppy’s fur underneath my fingertips, if I don’t have anyone to share it with? It’s not good enough.”
A part of your mind was still hung up on the thought that it was probably better for Megumi to blame the dead for being dead than himself, but you quickly answered.
“You have us,” you told him, taking a careful step forward. “Maki, Toge, Panda, Yūta.”
His ocean blue eyes glimmered as he fully turned towards you as if he was waiting for something specific.
“You have Yūji.”
His shoulders sacked, and he looked away.
“Not good enough. They’re all gonna leave eventually.”
“I won’t,” you disagreed. “I’m not gonna leave. I made you a promise when we entered Shibuya together, that I’d always be there, and I don’t plan on breaking that promise.”
Megumi shook his head, biting his lips, still not looking at you.
“You’ll be there,” he asked, sounding disbelieving. “For every stary sky, every sunset. Every meal, walk, therapy session.”
“Yes.” Your reply was unwavering.
“You don’t even know what that means,” Megumi sighed, finally looking back up to you, but now he seemed rather sad than angry. As if the scenarios he had painted were what he wanted but were too far out of reach to even attempt to grasp them. “I’m sick. My mind- I’m broken. Something inside my head is broken and I don’t know if it will ever heal again, and if it does, if it heals right. A promise like you’re offering… it wouldn’t just be for the next days or weeks. It might be months, years, hell, it might be decades of me trying to shut my self away, of nightmares, therapy, being unable to laugh or feel anything other than this pitch-black darkness. You can’t promise me you’ll be strong enough to be there. I don’t doubt that you have the strength to see me through all this, I know you do. But there will be times when it will seem as if I’d be okay, and you’ll be hopeful, but when I have a bad phase again- It would hurt you, and I can’t hurt any more of my friends.”
“And you think the way you’re behaving right now is hurting nobody? Megumi, I won’t promise that I’ll always be there. I can’t. I’m still a sorcerer, I still have to go to missions, and am in danger every time I go. But I will be there for you for as long as I can and for as long and often as you want me to be.”
“For every stary sky?”
“And every sunrise.”
“Every meal?”
“If that’s what you want, yes. And for every walk, and if you want me to, I’ll even wait outside the therapist’s office for you.”
Megumi averted his gaze, staring at a spot right in front of your feet.
“Why? Why would you do that? What do you get in return?”
Carefully you took a step forward. “Because I care about you Megumi. And even though it might seem selfless, getting to be there for you, supporting you, trying to help you to get back to your feet, getting to watch you fight to get better, being with you through all this, is actually a very selfish act.”
Megumi looked back up, his eyes scanning your face for a moment.
“Can you hug me,” he asked, voice quiet over the wind in the branches above you.
“Of course,” you smiled and slowly crossed the last distance between you, wrapping your arms around him. He seemed to melt into the touch, almost fragile, his body moving closer to yours until his whole front was flatly pressed against yours, his face buried against the side of your neck, his hair tickling your cheek and ear. You held him tight, not too tight, so he still could breathe without effort, but tight enough for him to feel how serious you were with everything you had offered.
“I’m just scared of ending up alone again,” he whispered. “And I can’t lose you too. You’re too important to me.”
“You won’t lose me,” you whispered back, rubbing his back through the thick fabric of his oversized hoodie.
“What if you die?”
“I won’t. And if I do, I’ll come back as a curse, like Rika.”
The sound of a small chuckle surprised you, but you quickly held Megumi tighter, hoping to engrave the sound into your memory forever.
Before you could say anything else, Megumi’s phone started ringing. You stiffened up, ready to pull away, but Megumi kept you close.
“Aren’t you going to answer,” you asked, hesitantly wrapping your arms back around him.
“No,” he replied.
“What if it’s important?”
“How important can it be,” Megumi shrugged. “Not more important than this, anyway.”
After a while the ringing stopped, and Megumi slowly loosened his hold on you. Carefully pulling away, you came face to face with him.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely.
“What for?”
“Everything. I… I tend to lose sight of the good things in life and let the darkness swallow me whole.”
Taking a step back, you reached out your hand for him to take. Questioningly he raised his eyebrows at you but placed his hand in yours.
“Now you won’t get lost in the darkness,” you told him with a smirk, making him roll his eyes.
“That’s too cheesy for me,” he shook his head.
“Oh, don’t start laughing now, Fushiguro,” you cried. “I saw that! The corner of your mouth was twitching!”
“It wasn’t! That’s annoyance at how cheesy you were being!”
He only kept his expression in check for another second before he burst out laughing. Using your intertwined hands, he pulled you back into a hug, this one more casual than the first. When his phone started ringing again, both of you ignored it.
After you had calmed down from the laughter, Megumi’s eyes fixed themselves on your face, watching you as were catching your breath.
“Can I kiss you,” he suddenly asked, making you freeze in your motion.
Surprised you looked at him, your heart seeming to miss a few beats, but then you nodded your head, and a moment later his lips were on yours, soft, a little chapped, but gentle. It was a sweet kiss, nothing too extravagant, and still enough to steal your breath and make you weak in your knees.
It was perfect, you suddenly realized, kissing Megumi like his. Around you, cherry blossom petals were floating on a warm spring breeze, birds were singing in the branches above you, and Megumi’s arms were warm and secure around you while his heart beat a firm rhythm underneath your fingers, somewhat too fast for a normal heartbeat, but then again yours was probably racing too.
The perfect moment got interrupted by yet another ring of Megumi’s phone.
“I think you should answer it,” you mumbled against his lips. “It’s probably really something important.”
Megumi sighed but pulled away enough to grab his phone out of his pocket.
“It’s just Yūji,” he rolled his eyes, but before he could answer the call, the ringing stopped again.
He shrugged, slipping the phone back into his pocket.
“I got a question,” he suddenly declared.
“Ask away.”
“You said: another stary sky, another sunrise, and…” he hesitated for a moment before continuing. “a puppy’s fur underneath my fingertips. Where do you plan to get me a puppy from?” He sounded amused, but you knew him good enough to know that he would do hell of a lot to play with a puppy sometime soon.
“Okay, here’s the thing.”
“Oh dear.”
“Yūji and I were thinking, for a while now.”
“That can’t be a good sign,” Megumi sighed. “What crazy idea did you two come up with now?”
“I’m gonna ignore that low-key insult, and let you live” you announced, “But do you know Principal Yaga’s friend, the one who had all these dogs?”
Megumi nodded, clearly hesitant about whether or not he really wanted to know what Yūji and you had come up with.
“So, one of the dogs had puppies a few weeks back and we were thinking that it might be good to adopt one of them, for our year. We’ve been talking to the teachers and thinking things through and if all of us take turns caring for it, it won’t be too much responsibility all at once. And it would give us some sort of stability, having to go on walks on regular hours, playing, teaching it commands… but there’d also someone to keep us company when we don’t feel so good, someone who can’t give us advice, but also won’t ask questions either. Someone who accepts us as we are, no matter how good we are in school or whatever. So… yeah, the puppy is already old enough to be separated from its mother and is moving in next Friday.”
Megumi stared at you.
“You adopted a puppy,” he asked incredulously.
“We adopted a puppy,” you corrected. “Yeah.”
“And we‘ll share responsibility for it?”
You nodded, and Megumi’s eyes suddenly grew hard.
“I don’t know that dog yet, but I’ll fight you for custody after graduation,” he declared, making your eyes widen.
Graduation. That was still three years away, the furthest Megumi had talked about the future since November.
Swallowing your surprise, you shrugged. “That’s okay with me.”
“But wait,” Megumi suddenly stopped. “Before the puppy arrives, we need all kinds of stuff. It won’t be like with Shiro and Kuro, it’ll need a basket, and bowls and a leash! I think we’ll need several baskets, so we don’t have to carry them around all the time. And food! We need special-”
He was interrupted by the ringing of a mobile phone, this time yours.
“Yūji,” you told him, showing him the screen on which a picture of your pink haired classmate had popped up.
“Let’s answer it,” Megumi sighed. “He’ll just keep calling otherwise.”
You had barely pressed the green button to answer the call, when Yūji’s voice was already sounding from the small speaker, loud enough that you didn’t even have to put your ear to it.
“Megumi isn’t answering his phone,” Yūji all but screamed. “I’ve tried calling him dozens of times but he’s not answering! I’m really worried! We need to-”
“Yūji, Yūji, calm down!” Quickly you interrupted your panicking friend, pressing the speaker button so Megumi could listen in. “He’s with me, he’s fine, we were talking a walk.”
On the other side silence spread out.
“And you didn’t call dozens of times, you called three times,” Megumi added, leaning down to the speaker.
On the other end, a small “oh” was audible.
“So, what’s so important that you decided to terrorize Megumi via phone calls,” you asked, shooting Megumi a glance.
His eyebrows were furrowed, and it was not hard to tell that he had only now realized just how worried his friends were about him, how much they cared about him. Enough to send ever cheerful Yūji into something akin to a panic attack just because he hadn’t answered his phone for a few minutes.
“I didn’t terrorize him,” Yūji protested.
“You kinda did, but whatever. What’s going on?”
“You guys need to come to the hospital wing asap,” Yūji told you.
Megumi and you exchanged glances. The hospital wing? That wasn’t good. Megumi took your hand in his and started walking back the way you had come.
“We’re on our way,” you told Yūji, “What’s going on? Who got hurt?”
“Nobody,” Yūji sounded like he was running himself now, slightly out of breath. “Gojō-sensei’s awake.”
And with that he ended the call.
Megumi and you were both so surprised about the message, that you came to a slithering halt. Gojō was awake? Sure, you had told Megumi it was a possibility, that he might wake up soon, but you had not believed it to actually, really happen at all.
For a short moment Megumi and you looked at each other,f inding your own surprise and relief mirrored on his face. And then you took off running, taking the quickest way to the hospital wing, your hands intertwined.
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ghostfacd · 8 months
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the sun to my moon. QH43
au masterlist
warnings: mention of underage drinking + peer pressuring, cursing, a tiny tiny hint of angst, not proofread so there might be mistakes, someone’s mean to sunny </3
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It wasn’t a shocker that Quinn Hughes was a very grumpy person. He was fairly quiet, eyes calculating as they scan every corner of the room.
If you didn’t know him well, you’d probably think Quinn was just plain mean. He wasn’t, or maybe, not that mean, he just didn’t like talking to people—or people at all, for the matter.
It was pretty cold that December in New Jersey, but the lake house was warm and the waters were a fairly nice dark blue. He had gone home to visit his parents, as well as Jack and Luke. It was nice to be back in America, a change from Vancouver.
“Hi Quinn sweetie!” Ellen greets her son happily, engulfing him in a hug that he returns with a small smile. He had only really smiled to his mom, appreciating her constant support and encouragement. “Oh! Jack brought home his girlfriend! You should meet her,”
Quinn raises his eyebrows at this, never hearing Jack mention a girlfriend in any of their family calls. Was the boy finally settling down?
He walked into the living room, surprised to see two brunette girls along with Jack. Brunette? Now this got Quinn’s attention. He’d always thought his brother would go for.. blondes.
“Hi! I’m Jack’s girlfriend, you must be his older brother!” The girl smiles brightly, making Quinn almost grimace. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Jack has told me so much!”
“I’m sure he has,” Quinn chuckles awkwardly, shaking the hand she had extended to him earlier.
Jack smiles at his favorite people interacting with another. “This is my girl’s best friend, Sunny Damount.” He points to the other brunette girl who almost takes Quinn’s breath away.
Jesus, was she an angel in disguise?
“Sunny?” Quinn questions. He’s never met anyone named Sunny, so his voice almost sounds confused.
“I’m Y/N, but everyone just calls me Sunny because they say I remind them of a ray of sunshine!” Her face converts into the most beautiful smile Quinn’s ever seen in his life—aside from his mom—and he can’t help but feel his knees grow weak.
“Nice to meet you Sunny,” Quinn smiles, and Jack and Luke throw a glance at each other in amusement.
“Hey Q, why don’t you show her around?” Jack suggests. “I mean, you know the lake house like the back of your hand.”
Quinn rolls his eyes slightly, noticing what his brother was trying to do. “So do you and Luke.”
“Yeah but cmon Quinn! Don’t be rude to our guest!”
Quinn finally agrees, not like he didn’t want to tour the cute girl anyways. He slides open the backyard door, signaling Sunny to go out first. When Sunny’s back is turned, Quinn slides out his tongue at both Jack and Luke, to which they responded with a mischievous grin on their faces.
“So you go to Umich?” Quinn asks as he closes the sliding door. He noticed her sweater from earlier, the dark blue fabric with a M stitched to its front.
“I do!” The girl giggles, even though there’s nothing funny. If it had been anyone else, Quinn would’ve cringed internally. But he doesn’t. “I’m a junior this year, crazy how time flies.”
“Yeah, really crazy.”
The two are silent for a while, Quinn’s nervousness and overthinking causes him to just go mute while Sunny smiles at practically everything that catches her eyes.
“You’ll be staying here until Jack’s girlfriend leaves?” He questions.
“Yeah! She invited me here because she said I needed to get out the dorm more now that it’s Christmas break. I guess she’s right,”
Quinn looks down at the ground, smiling to himself. Even though he barely knew Sunny, he was glad she was staying at the lake house.
A few days pass by without much interaction from the two, Jack’s girlfriend always managing to take Sunny away before Quinn could even utter out a word. He was slightly annoyed, but he knew he couldn’t tell Jack or Luke. They’d tease them endlessly.
That night, Jack had brought home some beers, all of them, minus Luke, went outside and sat on the dock, bringing the cans out with them.
“Do you want one?” Quinn whispers to Sunny.
Jack and his girlfriend were in another world, busy cuddling up to one another and taking slow sips from their cans.
“Oh no—it’s okay. I don’t drink, I’d rather wait till I’m 21,”
Quinn had almost forgotten Sunny was only 20. It was a surprise to him that she’d actually wait that long; everybody he knew had started drinking in high school, not caring about the legal age.
“That’s alright, you can have fun while being sober too.” Quinn almost cringes at his words, but luckily, Sunny nods with a bright smile on her face.
“You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?” Quinn whispers.
“What was that Quinn?”
“Oh,” Quinn smiles sheepishly, not expecting Sunny to have heard him. “Nothing.”
The next weekend, Jack once again came up with another one of his crazy ideas—this one being throwing a party since Jim and Ellen were going away for a few days to stay at a fancy resort.
Quinn didn’t like social outings, in fact, he wants desperately to sneak away into his room and blast music in his airpods. But he decides to stay downstairs, sitting right next to Sunny who only has fruit punch in her cup.
“Hey, is that Sunny Damount?!” A random guy comes up to them, getting a bit too close to Sunny for Quinn’s liking. “Sunnyyyyy!”
He’s clearly drunk, and Quinn wants to rip him away from the girl.
“Have a drink Sun! It’s so good!” The guy almost spills his cup of alcohol on Sunny, making the girl’s smile falter. It was the first time Quinn didn’t see such a bright smile on her face.
“I’m okay Kyle, I don’t drink,”
The guy, who Quinn can only guess is named Kyle, gets even closer to Sunny, making her slowly back up into the kitchen island.
“You don’t drink? You’re like twenty Sunny, it’s a party. You have to drink.”
Quinn pushes Kyle slightly off Sunny, throwing the boy a glare. “Sunny says she doesn’t drink, Kyle. So why don’t you turn around and leave?”
Kyle scoffs, throwing a glare towards Quinn’s way. “Whatever, I was going to leave anyway!”
Sunny sighs in relief when she sees the boy leave. “Thank you Quinn,” she shyly mumbles.
“It’s alright Sunny,” he reassures her. “No guy should be pressuring you to drink when you clearly don’t want to.”
And by the end of the party, Quinn realizes he’s fucked.
He’s inlove with Sunny Damount.
And he’s never been inlove. Well not seriously. He has had a few girlfriends then and there, but it was silly and it surely wasn’t love.
So what does Quinn Hughes do when he’s in such a dilemma? He pivots. He does what most considers a fucked up and idiotic thing to do. He ignores her.
What better way to dig his feelings in a hole and bury them than ignoring the girl he was inlove with?
Sunny is clearly confused when Quinn gives her one worded answers, and she almost wants to cry when he barely even acknowledges her presence.
What did she do wrong? Everybody loved her, so why was Quinn ignoring her?
It didn’t make her feel any better when she went to the market and bumped into a really mean girl she knew who said some not so nice things about her.
That, along with Quinn not talking to her, leads Sunny to have a breakdown on the dock, knees against her chest as she buries her face into them.
Even though Quinn tries to put away his worries, he can’t help but feel bugged that he hadn’t seen Sunny the entire afternoon. He spots the familiar brunette sitting on the dock, and even though his head tells him no, his heart begged him to say yes.
Quinn Hughes listened to his heart.
He walks up to Sunny, sitting beside her close enough that lets her know he’s there but not so close that she’s uncomfortable.
“Are you okay Suns?”
Sunny sniffles, lifting her head to see Quinn. Suddenly, her cries intensify, making the poor boy panic in worry.
“Shh, it’s okay Sunny.” He mumbles, patting her back.
“It’s not!” She sobs, “first, the boy I like ignores me for no reason, and then this really really mean girl says that I put on this fake nice act and that I’m just some loser who doesn’t drink!”
Quinn’s heart skips a beat when Sunny practically confesses her feelings to him. He can’t help but feel incredibly guilty at ignoring her for so long.
“I’m sorry Suns, I never meant to hurt you.” Quinn pulls her body into his chest, placing his chin on head. “The truth was, I’m inlove with you and I didn’t know how to handle that so I figured ignoring you would make my feelings away?”
Sunny stops crying for a second, slightly giggling at Quinn’s words. “Are you stupid Quintin?!”
Quinn grimaces. “I know, I know. But I was just scared. You made my heart beat faster, and before I knew it, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I never felt so inlove with anyone before—and I felt like I couldn’t breathe with you not near me. You’re like the sun to my moon, Sunny. You brighten up my day with the most prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, and your giggles bring me the most happiness I’ve ever experienced in my life. I just… I just didn’t know how to express that to you without scaring you off.”
Sunny wipes away her tears, placing a small tender kiss on Quinn’s jaw. “You could’ve just said so, Quinn. I’m inlove with you as much as you are inlove with me.”
Quinn finally decides to push away all his nervousness and lean down to give Sunny a kiss, one that he’s been dying to do since the day he met her at the lake house.
And just like that, Sunny Damount had became the sun in Quinn Hughes’ life.
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puckarchives · 3 months
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making it through july: l. hughes
blurb: moments in june, falling in love and getting put back together by luke.  / word count: 2.2k / pairing: luke hughes x fem!reader / tw: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks; general anxiety about getting older and change. part two to "moments in june"
“The movie is my mind is blue — / As June runs into warm July / I think of little else but you.” (Wendy Cope, From June to December.)
When the heat of June melted into the sticky sensation of July, the summer felt almost claustrophobic; the feeling of freedom you had tried to play off as being permanent, while the remainder of the month looming took center stage: a rush of anxiety, of worry, and of anger at the closing of summer. 
Now, as you stood at the kitchen island inside the lake house, Luke draped over the sofa with the fan pointed directly at him, you could see the toll the summer had taken on your boy, as well. The once pale skin he wore now a tan, the beauty marks dusted on his cheeks and neck now surrounded by smatterings of freckles — reminders of the kisses you had once laid on that same expanse of skin. 
Despite how much you hated to admit it — how much you hated to let the overwhelming feeling of wrongness take over your senses, you knew it was time; time for a conversation between the two of you of what July really meant. For you, July was a marker of anxiety; of homesickness for the boy who was merely six feet away from you, burdened by the same fear you were overcome with during the semester, when the nights of studying, of feeling overwhelmed and as if you would never finished, felt like they’d never truly stop. 
It was those nights that spiked the feeling of missing this version of Luke: of missing the way he’d grab your hand, entwining your fingers even if he didn’t mean it. Of the soft touch he’d leave at the back of your neck, his fingers ghosting over the trails of kisses he’d leave when no one else saw him, where the only salvation he ever claimed to know was the taste of your skin. Now, the only taste you could sense was the taste of disappointment; an ash-like memory of the anxiety of being away — a fear that you could feel weeks before you even had to leave. In a way, it was your body preparing you for the pain — the rush of discomfort, of lonely and cold nights, and of resentment in a way. 
Now, though, as you walked towards Luke’s lounging form, the boy looked up — opening his eyes and meeting yours as you laid the glass of water and plate of snacks on the coffee table in front of him, and as he sat up to make space for you on the couch — scooting his body away to let you soak up both the warmth of his own body, and the fresh air blowing straight at the both of you. He smiled softly, his curls sleep-addled and his muscles relaxed. In a way, for every single one of your worries, Luke combatted it with his own ability to remain calm — to soak up the same sun you stood by worrying would be gone much too soon. 
“Luke?” you asked quietly. He only cocked his head a bit — already being able to mark the tension your body held, and that you carried. As you sat next to him, he stopped you before you could fully reach the couch — instead, stretching out his own legs to they stretched the length of the couch, and where he maneuvered you to sit between his legs — pulling your back to his chest, and working his way fro your hands, to your forearms, to your shoulders with his hands, dragging the tips of his fingers, calloused and scarred from his job, to trail up your body. 
“I know what you’re going to say,” he began, his voice cutting through your own stupor. Could he, though? Was he really able to tell that you felt like you were ripping at the seams, so caught up in your own fear of change? Of losing the moments you held on to so dearly? 
Almost as if he could sense your thoughts, he nodded, despite the fact that you couldn’t see him. “Yes, I’ve seen it, baby. The way you’ve decided you aren’t allowed to enjoy the rest of our time here because of the fear of what comes after this. Of what comes after June and July and August,” he said quietly. How was it that this boy could read you so well? How could he so easily peel apart the layers of yourself you had tried so hard to keep together? 
You could only nod, laying as close to him as you could, and not trying to quell the tears that dripped out. You couldn’t keep pretending like it was fine — like the toll your body was working with was okay anymore. Instead, you let Luke speak — let him drag your hair away from your face, running his fingers through the strands. 
“Look, pretty girl, this is what’s going to happen — and before you say anything, before you let the fear overtake every single thought in that pretty little head of yours, I need you to listen to me first, okay?” he asked. “When July is over, we have until August — until you’re so sick of me. When we leave, when I go back to Newark and you go back to Michigian, we’re going to be okay,” he continued. 
“We’re going to make it through the summer, and then we’re going to make it through fall and winter, and then spring again. You’re going to go back to school and work your ass off, but you’re going to set boundaries for yourself, we both are, because baby, I refuse to let you worry about this again. Y/N, I love you — since you laughed at my stupid jokes, and since you made my entire family love you, I knew you were mine, and I never want you to doubt that. But, when July ends, I want you to go back knowing that I am always going to be here. Me loving you doesn’t just stop because July comes around,” he finished. 
He wrapped his arms around your chest, enveloping your arms in his — he was right. Just because June had bled into July, just because your worry had transformed into a more immediate thing, did not mean that Luke was going to simply disappear; Luke, for all of your worries or your anxieties, was not the summer. He wasn’t simply a month that would come and go every year, but the man who had loved you since he saw you — the man who would put himself and his needs just to take care of you and yours first — something he had proved time and time again. The truth was that Luke was the boy you wanted to spend your Junes and Julys with, who you wanted to watch the summer bleed into the fall with, and who you wanted to continue loving; just because July was here didn’t mean the love between the two of you was as fluttering. 
For so long you had forced yourself to see the changing of months as markers for your relationships — for how those around you would treat you; how they would make your time feel almost limited when the summer was over, but with Luke, that changed. With Luke, whether it was June or July, you’d be loved. 
“It’s July and I have hope in who I am becoming.” (Charlotte Eriksson, Everything Changed When I Forgave Myself.)
For all of his quirks — his inability to cook, his bad habit of always leaving his dirty shirts on the rim of the hamper instead of inside, or always leaving his keys everywhere, Luke was truly the partner of your dreams — so you tried your best to ensure that you were just as supportive and assuring as he was when he needed the opportunity to breath — to calm the raging storm that you knew was constant in his head. Luke was always there for you — always a sure hand, always a solid companion, and the one individual who knew what you needed the moment you asked. 
Knowing this, you still felt your heart clench the moment you felt Luke creep out of your shared bed close to 3AM — unlatching himself from where his arms were encasing you, and where you heard his footsteps retreating from the bedroom, and dwindling down the stairs — hearing the give of the wood under his own large frame as he tried his best to be quiet, and not wake his sleeping brothers. 
You did your best to give him some space; despite the fact that you needed to be encased in comfort when you were anxious, Luke wasn’t like that — he needed space, and then he wanted to comfort — needing the reminder that he was solid, and that you were unmoving as well. Turning into the warmth that he left on his side of the bed, you counted from one to sixty ten times; giving him, at the very least, ten minutes to take what he needed before you helped him, as well. 
Once you finished counting, you sprang out of bed, sleep be damned. Your boy needed you, and you wouldn’t disappoint him. 
Making your way down the stairs — making sure to skip the bottom step so it wouldn’t creak, you walked out to the porch, where you could see Luke’s frame illuminated by the porch lights, small patio lights the two of you had put up at the beginning of the summer. You could see the wide expanse of his back — toned and fit from all of his hours training, almost caving in on himself. Luke, for all his glory, was as anxious as you were, but instead of isolation, he tried to make himself smaller — to fit into the rle he had played for so long as the youngest child. 
As you walked outside, you could hear his silent sobs; the shaking of his shoulders a dead giveaway. As you joined him, sitting next to him on the porch, you reached out and put a hand on his shoulder — shaking him up a bit, but ultimately feeling as he turned directly into you, and simply hugged you — enveloping the entirety of your body and dragging you up to your tip-toes as he hugged you, and as he sobbed into your shoulder. 
To offer him some sort of reprieve, you rubbed his back slowly — giving him the ability to take the time to let it all out, because as much as Luke knew you, you also knew him — and you knew he had been keeping this in for a while. 
“It’s okay, baby. You’re okay, sweet boy,” you whispered, now running your hands through his hair. “Whatever it is, your brain is playing mean tricks on you. You’re so worthy, and smart, and I am so endlessly proud of you, hmm?” you said, trying to offer as much comfort to the boy as possible. 
As Luke’s cries subsided, he brought his face away from your shoulder quickly, and, through a tear-stricken voice, explained the toll that the months had on him, too. “It’s just — I see the toll that this takes on you; that I take on you, and I don’t want to keep hurting you, baby. I can’t keep hurting you,” he whispered, and at that moment, if you hadn’t been outside and the lake hadn’t been less than a hundred yards away, you would've thought you could hear the distinct sound of your own heart breaking into a million tiny pieces; fragments that Luke himself had put together, but that broke again hearing his say that. 
Yes, you were anxious, and it did tend to take a toll on you, but it wasn’t his fault — and neither was it something he could fix. You were so proud of Luke — of the fact that he was out there, chasing his dreams and making his own name because of his talent and skill. Did you miss him? Absolutely, but you didn’t want to be the reason he gave up his dreams — the reason he hated doing what he loved. 
“Luke, look at me, please,” you pleaded quietly, holding his face and cupping the right side of his face. “None of this is your fault, do you understand me? You have done nothing wrong but wait all summer for me to be myself, and because of you, I have. I’ve had the best weeks of my life here, with you, and I don’t give a fuck if its June or July or fucking December, because you taught me now to,” you started. 
“Luke Warren Hughes, I don’t care if it’s the middle of July or it’s January, you are mine, you hear me? You aren’t hurting me or causing me any pain; in fact, it’s the exact opposite — you’ve been the only reason I’ve smiled in so long, and I love you for that,” you whispered, still holding on to him, nodding and making sure he copied your actions — you’d drill this into his head even if it gave you vertigo. 
Luke could only look up at you — his face tear-stricken, his curls plastered to his head, and the echoes of pain in his eyes. He nodded, looking at you, before once again bringing you into a hug. You loved him, and fuck if it was July or August; the summer wouldn’t be a deadline or a reminder, but just a change of page. Because, right now, despite being the beginning of July, you still felt like you’d been in love with him for much more than a summer.
188 notes · View notes
mrs-lockley · 4 months
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Once Upon a December
Pairing: Hades & Persephone AU, Miguel O’Hara x WOC!Reader (no use of Y/N) Word Count: 4.5k  Warnings: Arranged marriage, implied age gap (reader is a couple centuries old and of age), mention of death and a child death/funeral (no actual death graphically described or specified), dark imagery of the Underworld, use and mentions of Greek mythology, conflicted feelings, magical realism, no time period specified Summary: In the early decades of your marriage to the god of the Underworld, you resented him for abruptly ending your maidenhood. As the decades go by, you learn that there is more to the man who rules the dead than you realize. One day, your husband takes you to Tartarus, the depths of the Underworld, to suggest a proposition.
Author's Note: Hi my little doves, I'm semi-back with a new fic! To be honest, this fic has been in my draft for 3 years (date of origin: 12/30/2020) with First Order!Poe originally, but I thought Miguel suited Hades much better. I have a few fics in my wips and it's honestly like Russian Roulette because i did not expect to complete a Miguel fic before a Jake fic, lol. Special thanks to @soft-girl-musings and @v4mpires0ap for supporting me in completing this and giving me feedback! This fic was also deeply inspired by this comic illustrated by @katadesmoi, another take on the Hades & Persephone myth. If you like to listen to music while reading, I highly suggest listening to this Once Upon a December playlist on Youtube. Happy reading! Likes are appreciated, but reblogs make my heart go warm 🤍
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Tagging: @soft-girl-musings @v4mpires0ap @venting402 @musing-magpie @writefightandflightclub but only if you would like to read it!
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You have seen this place before. The place where the stars fall to the earth, where the roots meet the soil, where the ocean meets the shore. 
Where the dead meet the living, where the living meet the dead. 
Your reflection mirrors you in the sky as you look up to the clouds with the whispering images of Earth shining down on you. On Earth, the clouds weep at the loss of the sun, but other clouds have gone soft with crystals catching the last kiss of sunlight before nightfall. Other places show the yellow sun shining over glistening forests and beaches, and some a starlight projection over snowfall. 
A snowflake flutters from the sky, and you stretch your palm to watch it melt on your skin. 
“It’s beautiful,” you whisper.
Underneath the moonlight, the trace of a smile tugs at your husband’s lips. He moves to stand beside you and the two of you gaze at the glassy sky above. 
Miguel keeps his distance, a shadow’s length between the two of you. 
For a brief moment, a sparkling ember is reflected in those brown eyes, only to quickly disappear within a blink and a slight shake of his head. 
Your husband was not malevolent, nor was he benevolent. Miguel was a man whose moral conviction strongly aligned with the laws of nature, life, and death. He takes no sides, but only stands in the middle, seeing nothing but carnage to his right and hearing the wailing of tears to his left. 
You met him once before your arranged marriage. You and your mother were at a banquet one evening, your first banquet after the war when he caught your eye. Standing at the side of the hall with a glass of red wine in his hands, everyone fell into a hushed whisper. It was rare to see the god of the dead at a gathering like this, especially since the collapse of a universe. 
As your mother mingled with one of her sisters, your curious eyes drifted into his orbit. It was as if the darkness of the Underworld followed him into the light, but you were entranced by the shadows that caressed the contours of his face. Centuries of carnage and war clouded his eyes a deep brown, but in the dim candlelight, you could see that in spite of witnessing the heaviness of humanity, there were traces of his youth in smile.
A pair of older women passed you, whispering quietly about him. 
The wine looks too much like blood in his hands, one of them remarked with disdain. 
But not to you.
It was difficult to not notice him with his imposing height and stature. Even as he stood to the side and in the shadows of the banquet hall, the wine in his hands reminded you of the deep crimson of a pomegranate, waiting for you to cut it open so you could taste its juices. 
Smoothing your hair, you quickly averted your gaze and distracted yourself by listening to your mother discuss the upcoming spring harvest. You smiled at your aunt as she pitched in, acknowledging how the winter rain would help water the crops and contribute to a bountiful spring for the mortal universe. 
But as the conversation continued, your skin prickled. It was as if something was burning you, a small flame lit on your skin and was rapidly growing into a thunderous wildfire that consumed everything in its wake.
You tried to ignore the sensation as you listened to your mother and your aunt's plan for the harvest, but the longer you ignored it, the hotter the fire burned your skin. It was as if you were thrown into a wildfire with the smoke filling your lungs, traveling to your throat, and threatening to spill from your mouth. Their voices began to fade into the distance as the roar of your heartbeat thundered in your ears. 
Unable to ignore the feeling any longer, you began to look around to find the cause of your discomfort. 
Your innocent eyes met his, and you could barely breathe. 
His brown eyes darkened into what you would believe to be the darkness of the Underworld. It was as if he was pulling you into its depths– not seducing you into temptation– but revealing all of your secrets into the light. 
All you could feel was the blood rushing to your face as he looked at you. You could not read the expression on his face as his eyes drank you in, but you could not tear yourself away. You were caught in his snare. 
But as your eyes met, you saw something else. As he was reading you, you were reading him, trying to translate the pages of a book that was presented to you in an ancient language you discovered for the first time. The introduction was breathtaking, but the first chapter was consuming and inviting. 
His eyes only left yours when you saw your father call and approach him. As he looked away, you too turned your eyes back to your mother and her sister. You could not hear what your father and Miguel were discussing behind you and your mother’s back, but you would soon learn that the god of the dead was blessed by your father for your hand in marriage. 
There was no warning. One day, you were laying under the sun in the springfields with flowers in your hair, singing a love song from days of old. The next day, you were escorted to the world below you, climbing your way through its webs to become queen of the dark kingdom to your betrothed. 
“I know you have assumptions about me.” Miguel’s voice is quiet as he speaks, barely above a whisper in the snowfall. “I cannot change them or how you feel, nor do I intend on changing your mind, but …” 
His words trail off, his voice fading into the distant sound of the winter winds howling in the cavern. 
Looking back up at the dome above you, you catch his reflection. A shadow crosses his stern face, its fingers stretching across his tan skin. In the dim moonlight, you could almost catch streaks of silver in his dark waves. The centuries have taken a toll on him, and while you were a couple hundred years younger than him, you, too, felt the heaviness in your chest. 
“I’ve heard stories,” you tell him quietly.
His eyes remain on the sky above with an unreadable expression. The only sound between you is the silent snowfall and the white clouds that puff around your lips with each breath you take. 
“Do you believe them?”
His question catches you by surprise. Your eyes widen, your breath stuttering in your throat as you think about how to answer him. 
Your husband turns to you then, a stormy look on his face as he looks at you. 
You remembered the stories and cautionary tales your mother told you about him. While you were tending the rose garden one day, your mother shared with you the stories she heard from the other gods after attending a banquet. 
He was the reason one of the universes collapsed. He meddled into the mortal realm when he should have stayed where he belonged- in the depths and shadows of the dead. 
He chased a young boy to the edges of the Underworld, all because the poor boy wanted to save his father from dying. Imagine how cruel a man could be to stop a boy from saving his father.
That man shows no mercy or remorse for the dearly departed. He only sits on his throne as he listens to their tears of sadness and cries of anguish. He would not even show mercy to a mortal man who ventured into the Underworld to bring his lover back to life– instead, granting an impossible task that doomed the poor man from the start.
Decades ago, you might have believed the whispers of the gods, goddesses, and other celestial beings as they spoke about him behind his back. For the first few decades of your marriage, you resented him for taking you away from your mother and the mortal realm. He stole you away from the sun with just a simple blessing from your father, and he had not even spoken a single word to you before making you his bride and queen. 
What he did not know was that once, you ran away. 
As Miguel was in the heart of the Underworld, you briefly escaped its darkness. It was winter in the land of the living, and somehow, you managed to sneak past the hounds, the souls, and the suspecting ferryman who stood at the crossroads between realms. 
(Whether he knew your plan of escape or not, he did not say. The ferryman merely watched with unknowing eyes as you slipped past him.)
Your lungs ached as you climbed your way out from underground. Soil crusted beneath your fingernails, your skin covered in earth when the light of the winter sun nearly burned your eyes upon your ascent. 
You did not know how long you wandered, but you walked until the soles of your feet burned crimson. The skies darkened into icy shades of gray and white before weeping for the loss of the sun and your fingertips mirrored the color of your feet. 
Day turned to night, and before long, you stumbled upon an evening wake. 
Outside the church, the deceased’s family mingled in the winter night. Their eyes burned with tears as their voices trembled with each word spoken. Loved ones gathered around them to offer their condolences while the children sat outside on the steps, playing with makeshift paper dolls and animals to pass the time. 
You wondered if anyone saw you, but the thought of someone recognizing you never crossed your mind. While your mother advised you to stay out of mortal affairs, there was something pulling you towards the coffin, urging you to stay. 
It did not take long for your heart to break. 
Tears pricked your eyes as you gazed at the little girl laying inside the wooden box. You remembered her youthful spirit and jovial smile as she would sit under your favorite tree, weaving flower crowns and sharing fruit with some of the wildlife that dwelled in the forest. The nymphs and dryads spoke fondly of her whenever she visited the lake, and a few times, you remembered picking up the blooming flowers that she left behind as an offering.
Overcome with grief, you placed your hand over hers, whispering words of assurance and comfort to her. Her skin was cold to touch, but you did not shy away as you left behind a small white lily in her embrace.
At the sound of approaching footsteps, you immediately stepped aside. You assumed the man who approached the coffin to be her father as you watched him place the coins over her eyes, whispering to his daughter in their native tongue with tears streaming down his cheeks. 
Your heart ached for the girl and her family as you watched them gather around her coffin. No one noticed you while you walked away, following the fallen petals of dried flowers to guide you back to the world below. 
It was as if nothing changed since your brief departure. The ferryman merely watched you with apathetic eyes when you returned, his boat filled with souls as he carried them over the Styx. 
You did not meet with Miguel that day, but as you wandered the Isles of the Blessed, you heard a familiar voice ring in the air. 
Not wanting to be seen or scolded for wandering off, you quickly hid behind a tree. Peeking from behind the trunk, your heart warmed to see that same little girl playing in the field with a man holding her hand. 
Miguel. 
You watched as he knelt down to her height, a gentle look on his face as he held her hands. You could not hear what they were saying, but from the smile on her face, you knew that he was nothing but kind and gentle with her as she adjusted to her new life in Elysium. 
“What is your name, little one?”
“Gabriella.”
“Gabriella,” your husband repeated as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. His fingers paused over the lily tucked behind her ear. “This is a beautiful flower you have in your hair.”
She smiled as she removed it from her ear and offered it to him. 
“I had it with me when the ferryman took me here. I don’t remember how I got it, but he told me to keep it.”
You held your breath as Miguel held the lily in his hand. It was not unusual for flowers to spring wherever you went, and you wondered if he knew that you snuck into the mortal realm under his watch. 
To your surprise, he smiled at her as he tucked the lily back in her hair. 
“He was right. You should keep it.”
You have not seen Gabriella since that day, but you never forgot her. Whenever you walked near the Isles of the Blessed, you could hear her laugh in the wind with the river twinkling in the shape of her smile. 
His question hangs frozen mid-air as the snow crystallizes around you. 
Did you believe the horrid tales, after what you have seen?
His eyes search yours as the two of you stand under the shadow of the earth, its roots tangling around you. 
Of all the myths and legends you heard about Miguel, it would be easy to sway you into believing he was an apathetic man who ruled the land of the dead. He stole you away from spring, but in the decades that followed since your marriage, you realized that not once did he ever try to hold you back. There were countless times you snuck away into the mortal realm, and every time he could have held you back or ordered the hounds to follow you. Yet, he never did.
Perhaps you have judged him too harshly before learning about the man beneath the mask. While a part of you still resented him for the marriage, you could not bring yourself to truly hate him. 
“I would have,” you answer him quietly, “once upon a December.” 
The corners of his eyes crinkle slightly, amusement briefly flickering across his eyes as the ghost of a smile tickles his lips. 
In the mirror above, snow continues to fall like kisses from the earth. Its kisses leave droplets on your skin, but as you turn to your husband, you could count the snowflakes like stars in the night sky as they melt into his dark hair and brown skin. 
It was one of those rare moments where there was nothing and no one else in the world but the two of you. While Miguel was known to mortals under a different name and had a duty to follow in his realm, he gave you freedom to roam his world as you pleased without fear. You were his queen, and he treated you as such in his own quiet way. 
While he kept you at arm’s length, you were no fool.
“Why did you bring me here?”
The cavern almost seemed to engulf him as the moonlight shined upon him. Whispers of snow glistened in his hair, and the perpetual scowl on his lips appeared to soften the longer he gazed at the sky. 
He pauses, calculating his words. 
“Long before the mortals named me, I stumbled upon this place by chance. It is safe to presume that the deepest depths of the Underworld to be a frightening place of terror and grief, but it is more than what the legends say.”
Miguel takes a step forward until he is directly underneath the center of the mirror. Behind him, the outlines of a tree stretched its branches around him with its root tangling your shadow with his. 
The wind continues to howl like a wounded wolf in the dead of night. While the mortals would call this place Tartarus, it was not what you imagined. 
A deep ache settles in your chest, its roots ensnaring the heart in your ribs as the winter breeze fills your lungs with sharp knives of ice. 
“Only once in a blue moon could I walk into the world above, but here … it is the only way I could see the mortal realm without leaving mine behind.”
His eyes seem to mist in the moonlight, and your heart softens. The fortress of the castle he built around him begins to crumble, and for the first time, you see the lone king that resides within the darkness of its walls. 
The longing of the sun, the yearning for something warm, for someone to hold. 
As you look up at the mirror, you remember a time when you wandered the meadow in your youth and stumbled upon a stream where the carrion birds often flocked to. The nymphs, dryads, and your overbearing mother advised you to never venture near the river, but your youthful curiosity overcame you against their best wishes. 
The birds followed your movements as you stepped towards the river. Dark clouds gathered in the sky above with thunder rumbling in the distance, but you remained steadfast. White peace lilies and roses bloomed underneath your feet as you fell to your knees to peer into the murky waters beneath. 
Darkness swirled around your reflection as you gazed at the water below. The longer you looked, the more confused you were as you tried to decipher what lurked underneath the surface. What could cause the dryads and nymphs to urge you to stay away from this place? What worried your mother that you found a secret beneath?
You never told them about the river, nor did you ever return since that day, but as you look up at the familiar mirror above you, you wonder if the forbidden river drifted into the Styx. Perhaps the carrion birds were the ones who guarded the river in the mortal realm.
Perhaps as you wondered and peered into the dark waters, another face watched you from below.
His voice pulls you out of your thoughts, urging you to look at him.
“I know a part of you must resent me for taking you away from your mother — and I do not blame you for it — but this…” He gestures to the mirror above, a soft expression relaxing the curves  of his face, “is the only way we could see into the mortal universe. If I could bring a piece of the mortal world to you, it is the least I can do.”
Snow continues to fall with the winter winds howling around the two of you, causing a small flurry of snow to surround your two bodies. Frost begins to crystallize at your feet, indicating the official arrival of winter in the world above.
Your husband illuminates in the moonlight, a serene glow casted across his frame as he keeps his gaze on the sky. The corners of his lips curve into a lazy smile, and you could not help but think back to all the legends and myths you were taught about him, and the river that your mother warned you to stay away from. 
If this was the face that watched you from below, how could you despise him for bringing a piece of your world back to you, especially when he was not welcome in the light? 
“It is the winter solstice in the mortal world,” you tell him softly. The sky darkens above you, but you do not feel the cold as much anymore, not with the snowdrops beginning to surface from the frost. “The shortest day and the longest night of the year.”
You wonder what flowers would bloom in the spheres of the universe, what sky and stars the mortals see as they bask in the moonlight. While your marriage to the god of the Underworld dictated the seasons above, you lived long enough to know that the worlds above adjusted to your absence or presence in their own ways. 
The first winter you spent in the Underworld, you were inconsolable. While Miguel tried to comfort you, you were distraught, crying tears of anguish into your pillow as the darkness surrounded you. For the first time, no flowers bloomed where you stepped or where you lay.  Instead, only roseless thorns and weeds gathered where you walked, and in the world above, it was the worst harvest the mortals have seen in decades. 
While your parents argued with your husband about the conditions and length of your stay, you blocked out their voices. The only sounds you heard were your cracks splintering through your heart as you mourned the warmth of the sun and the endless blue sky. As much as Miguel tried to coax you out of your chambers and into the dark gardens of his kingdom, you planted your roots into the ground, refusing to be anywhere near him. 
Only for the winter, your father proposed. Your mother wept by his side, but your husband nodded in agreement, sealing your fate as swiftly as the seasons changed.��
It took some time, but throughout the first few years of your marriage, you began to be civil with Miguel. Much like him, you kept him at arm’s length, watching him and trying to understand what kind of king he was to his subjects in the world below. While you heard the whispering lore and legends of him in your ears, you soon learned that he was not everything that the people believed him to be.
A cloud storms in his brown irises as he looks over at you, his brow slightly furrowed. “If I may ask, are you happy here?”
A bitter laugh threatens to spill from your lips, but you quickly bite your tongue.
It has been decades since you were taken to rule the world below. While you may not have lived long enough to control your godly emotions, you still felt an aching pain and loss as you grieved leaving your home. 
“I did not have a choice in becoming your bride,” you answer, your voice laden with sadness and despair. “What say do I have as your wife?”
You were a younger goddess who lived only a couple centuries, but you had yet to learn the complexities of the universe. You still needed to experience the worlds around you, both above and below, but your maidenhood was cut short by the man your father arranged to be your husband. 
Even with the decades behind you, time had yet to fully heal the part of your heart that grieved for your maidenhood. You were conflicted in your grief and loss when Miguel had been cordial and respectful, in his own sentimental way. A part of you may resent him, but you still did not completely understand the feelings you held towards him. 
His brown eyes soften at your words, his lips slightly parted as white cotton clouds flutter in the air from his breath. 
“You are not a prisoner here,” he assures you gently, approaching you as if you were a skittish deer in the woods. “I am truly sorry for the pain I brought upon you.”
You look up at him slowly, seeing nothing but remorse in his gaze. You wonder if he would ask for your forgiveness, but it was too late for that. It has been half a century since your marriage, and the world already recorded the event in the stars and the sky. 
Miguel was a man of many things, but you know in his eyes, he is lawful. With the living and the dead, he merely rules over the departed to balance the universes. He only follows the rules of nature, but in godly matters, he follows the customs and traditions. A marriage only needs a father’s blessing for his daughter to be wedded without the husband needing to court or ask the bride. He broke no laws, but he did not fully understand the depths of your grief.
His voice is gentle as the winds quiet around him.
“I know it will take time for you to fully accept me as your husband, but I am a patient man. All I ask and plead is for you to give me a chance.”
The winter winds pull the air out of your lungs as Miguel turns with his hand outstretched towards you.
As you grieved the sudden end of your maidenhood, you reflect on everything you have seen. The gods and goddesses may indulge in heresy and scandals whenever they pleased, but from what you learned from their whispers, some of their stories did not reflect what you have seen. 
The god of the dead was not cruel, nor was he kind. He often deals in absolutes and ultimatums, with the universes remaining in balance as he ruled over his domain. 
Even so, you remember Gabriella’s smile as he held her hand in Elysium. A child taken too soon, but found comfort in the man who guided her to the Isles of the Blessed. 
Perhaps he was kinder than you believed.
Snow gathers in his palm as he holds his hand towards you. It would be easier for you to turn away and loathe him for the rest of your days, but something stirs in your heart. 
Darkness may have taken its hold over the mortal realm, but it has not fully consumed yours. 
Your fate is already written in the stars, your marriage bound in a godly affair. While you are still a younger goddess in a single web of the universe, perhaps it would do you no harm to trim the thorns that protected you and allow a rose to bloom. 
Slowly, you take his hand, his skin oddly warm against yours.
Your husband smiles gently at you and raises your hand to his lips. 
“I promise to love and care for you,” he whispers, “as long as you are by my side.”
Snowdrops and hydrangeas begin to bloom from the frost that dusted the ground beneath you, tangling with the roots of the tree as you walk beside him, allowing him to guide you away from the moonlight and towards the river from where you came. 
A comfortable silence falls upon you as Miguel rows the boat along the Styx, the water calm and quiet on the journey away from the darkness. The winter winds begin to fade into a distant echo, and as much as you wish to turn back to gaze at the world above one more time, you keep your eyes forward.
The winter solstice may have begun in the mortal realm, but the spring solstice has begun to blossom in the world below. 
And in the depths of the Underworld, the tree that holds the mirror above sprouts a single crimson fruit, a small pomegranate in the start of spring.
232 notes · View notes
pedrointofolklore · 9 months
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Rosebud
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader
summary: carnations bloomed when you saw joel. too shy to admit your feelings, but too overcome to not, you began leaving flowers at his doorstep. 
warnings: very brief but graphic depictions of violence, mentions of death/grief, tragic backstory, emotional processing, reader is a loser who falls in love in two seconds, lots of metaphorical language, swearing, mostly just self-indulgent fluff, joel is soft, big age gap (reader is in late 20s), no smut, no use of y/n (reader has a nickname), jackson era.
word count: 6k
a/n: hey y’all. i’m delving into the world of fanfiction writing and i’m tentatively posting this as my first story. this story by @army-author is what inspired me here—i read it years ago and loved the concept ever since. i also super don't know much about flower gardening so apologies for any inaccuracies.
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Your earliest memory was sitting in the garden with your mother one September. You were small then, no more than three years old, covered in soil and some residual stickiness from whatever fruit you’d just devoured, watching with a curious eye as your mother pruned her roses.
When you thought of her, you thought of that garden. In your memories, it was a labyrinth. Flowers, shrubs and vines overflowed the yard. You used to fear getting lost in the brambles, but at some point, you started to crave their thorny embrace.
It was a pink rose, so bright and intense, like a painting come to life. She shed the thorns, tucked it behind your ear and pinched your chubby cheeks. That was the first time she called you ‘Rosebud.’ Nobody ever called you anything else.
You couldn’t have known then that you were just a few Septembers away from losing her.
She died on the first day, in the centre of the garden. Your lasting memory of her was your father driving a pair of garden shears into her jugular. She collapsed to the ground, blood as dark as a crimson rose pooled around her as your father wept over her lifeless body. You sprinted inside and threw up.
She died a stranger. You didn’t understand what was happening to her then, but you understood that she was gone before the shears even entered her neck.
It haunted you for the next twenty years—but that person was not your mother. 
Whenever the wound opened, and that memory came flooding back, you closed your eyes and thought of her as she truly was—kind, gentle, passionate. You recalled her soft smile, her musical laugh, the books she read, the flowers she loved.
When you were a kid, you thought of her as the sun that kept those flowers alive. As you grew older, she became the sutures that kept you from falling apart.
You knew your father had no other choice, but you could never quite look at him the same. Still, he was all you had, and he kept you safe until the day he died.
It was your mother’s leather-bound notebook that kept you going. She listed every flower she could think of, and wrote the meaning next to it. That notebook went with you everywhere, all across the country. Every new species you came across, you found it in the book, memorised its meaning, and crossed it off your mental checklist.
Flower seeking had to be the most frivolous thing one could do at the end of the world, but it kept you close to your mother, and gave you some semblance of purpose. Each new flower felt like something blooming inside you—your own secret garden that grew from the depths of your soul.
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Carnations bloomed when you saw Joel.
He first came to Jackson in December with a girl by his side. They were gone by the next morning, but you saw him. He was coming out of the bar, tugging his coat back on when you spotted him through the crowd of carolling townspeople.
Even from a distance, you noticed the pain in him—a pain similar to yours. There was a wistfulness in his face, a longing for something he missed, and a fear so intense it seemed paralysing. He clutched at his chest, holding in the marigold that grew where his heart should have been.
You wanted to know him.
He came back that spring with the same girl, and this time, he stayed.
It was a while before you spoke with either of them. Everyone who arrived in Jackson had a tendency to be closed-off at first, and you couldn’t fault them for that. You didn’t know where they’d been or what they’d done, but you knew they’d gone through hell.
You met Ellie first. She came by the greenhouse one day, arms crossed and face vacant. Her reticence might have been mistaken for hostility if you didn’t relate so much.
You tore your soil-covered gloves off and wiped a hand over your cheek, probably just further smudging whatever dirt was caked on there.
“Hi there!” You did your best to sound cheerful, to come across as someone who was definitely okay with unexpected visitors. “What can I do for you?”
“Maria told me you might need some help around here.”
You didn’t think you needed help, and it seemed like the girl wanted to be anywhere but here. But as you pondered her, you started to recognise what she was actually getting at.
She didn’t know what to do, but she needed to do something.
“What’s your name?” you asked.
“Ellie.”
“Nice to meet you, Ellie.” You held out your hand, which she stared at for a good couple of seconds before shaking. “Call me Rosebud.”
“You’re a florist named Rosebud?” She was incredulous, and you didn’t even care that she was making fun of you—it was the first time you’d seen her smile during this entire interaction.
“It’s a nickname,” you told her, “and I'm more of a floriculturist. If you want to help me out, grab some gloves and a trowel.”
“What the fuck is a ‘trowel’?”
You spent the next few hours with her digging holes in the soil, un-potting flowers and planting them in the ground. As apprehensive as Ellie had been to begin with, it didn’t take her long to warm up to you.
The first thing you learned about her was that she asked a lot of questions.
“Why do we have to move these?”
“It’s spring. They’ll do better in the ground.”
“Why didn’t Maria show us this place when we first came here?”
“It was winter. Half the flowers had gone to shit, so there wasn’t much to see,” you replied, flattening the soil around a sunflower plant.
The greenhouse had been established before you got there. Nobody ran it, it was something for everyone to tend to, but nobody cared enough to do so. The gardeners of Jackson preferred to focus on crops that could actually feed them. But then you arrived, and you knew how to grow a thriving flower garden, and with all the bees it brought, it only helped the agriculture. It also meant that Jackson had honey.
“This one’s cool. What is it?” Ellie asked. You looked over at the plant she was settling into the ground—a grassy little shrub with white flowers blooming at the ends.
“Starwort. It means ‘Welcome to a stranger.’”
“Appropriate,” Ellie said. “I didn’t know flowers had meanings.”
“It’s called floriography,” you replied. “I have a book all about it.”
Ellie stayed until the sun began to set, leaving in much better spirits than she arrived. You were used to working alone, and you thought you preferred it that way, but she turned out to be good company. You sent her home with a starwort blossom and a jar of honey as a thank you, and told her to come back any time. You really hoped she would.
You met Joel the next morning. 
There was a knock at your door, which you expected to be Ellie back again. Instead, you opened the door to find her guardian standing on your front porch.
Your eyes flicked shamelessly over his form. He was broad, strong, with plaid sleeves hiked up to his elbows—you didn’t know it was possible to be attracted to someone’s forearms. His features were beautifully angular, especially his nose. But it was his eyes that really got you. They were dark like coffee, deep and intense. You could fall into them and never stop.
The garden you carried in your soul had never felt more alive. It was weird you hadn’t spoken yet, but you worried if you opened your mouth, the brightest, reddest chrysanthemums would come bursting out.
“Good mornin’. Sorry to bother you,” Joel finally said, with the rehearsed politeness typical of a Southern man. There was still an earnestness to him, like he didn’t quite remember how to do this but he was determined to try. “I think Ellie was here yesterday?”
“That’s right.” You internally cheered when your voice didn’t fail on you. “Is that okay? I know I didn’t get your permission. She just kind of showed up.”
“No, that’s okay. I just came by to thank you.”
“Thank me?”
“She's been struggling to…adjust, I guess,” Joel explained, “but she was in a good mood when she came home yesterday. I think being here helped her, so thank you.”
You weren’t quite sure what to say. People silently appreciated what you did for the commune, but nobody had ever gone out of their way to thank you for anything. It was a little overwhelming.
“Well, she’s welcome here any time.” You didn’t think Ellie was particularly interested in gardening, but you could see that the girl just needed to feel busy, and maybe needed some company. You were just glad she could find that with you.
“Thank you,” Joel said again. “What was your name, darlin’?”
“Just call me Rosebud.”
You expected a laugh, a mocking jab of some sort, but instead he just tilted his head and looked at you with complete sincerity. “Pretty. It suits you.”
Your cheeks were embarrassingly warm.
“Well, I won’t keep you any longer,” Joel said. Your heart fell. “It was nice meetin’ you. And, uh, thanks again.”
He started to leave, but you weren’t ready for him to go. Before you could think it through, you called after him, “Wait.”
You might have imagined it, but for a split second after he turned back around, you could've sworn you spotted an eagerness in him, like he was hoping you’d say that.
“You can come inside,” you offered, “if you want.”
He did.
Five minutes later, Joel was standing in your kitchen, leaning against the counter. You could feel his gaze on you as you moved, getting the water ready and setting out two mugs.
“How do you like your coffee?” You were already sure of the answer.
“Black. No sugar.” Yep.
You poured the coffee into a mug, absent-mindedly blowing on it as you handed it to him. He didn’t wait for it to cool down before taking a sip, not even flinching at the heat.
You opted for tea with a generous amount of milk and honey.
“Thanks for the honey as well,” Joel said. “Ellie loves it. She’s never had anything so sweet.”
“That doesn’t surprise me if she grew up in a QZ,” you replied, turning to face him with your mug cradled in both hands. “I think I cried when I first got here and they actually had sugar.”
“When did you get here?”
“Around two years ago. My dad knew Seth—you know, from the bar—got in touch with him, and he told us how to get here,” you explained. You truly hated Seth, but he did save your ass and that left you obligated to be nice.
“Your dad’s not here, is he?” Joel spoke without any particular sentiment. It was an observation, plain and simple. You didn’t mind, you just shook your head. It felt normal to talk about your dad. You missed him, but his death wasn’t horrifically tragic to you—the man had a heart attack.
“What about you? I mean, how’d you end up here?” You were nervous about prying, or accidentally chasing him away before you really got to talk, but Joel had fascinated you since December. You needed to know more.
“I was in the Boston QZ for a while, left to look for my brother, found him.” He wasn’t going to get more detailed than that. Too much had happened that was difficult to talk about, and you could see that, because it was the same for you.
No matter how much you wanted to, you didn’t let yourself ask anything more. You didn’t ask why he’d been here in winter, why he left so soon, why he came back, why he didn’t come sooner if his brother was here, how Ellie fit into all of it. You didn’t ask, and you wouldn’t ask. All you could do was hope he’d open up in time.
It occurred to you just how different Joel looked now than he did in December, and not just because you were actually seeing him up-close. His whole spirit had shifted. Back then, he’d been like an open wound, barely being held together by exposed, bloody tendons that threatened to snap at any moment. He was different now—still wounded, but no longer in pieces.
There was something else in him too. Something dormant, but always on the verge of springing back to life. A quiet guilt.
“Flowers always been your thing?” Joel asked. You were grateful for the subject change.
“Pretty much. I used to know someone who loved them. Made me love them too.”
He nodded with an unexpected softness in his expression. It wasn’t pity, or even sympathy, but a warm kind of understanding.
“I know the flower stuff seems silly,” you said, looking down into the milky beige of your tea, “but it really is useful.”
“I know that,” Joel said. “I don’t think it’s silly.”
You could practically feel your chest split open that very second. Flowers sprouted from your heart, and they bloomed for Joel. They longed to reach out, wrap him up in their stems and vines and pull him into you.
Carnations. Chrysanthemums. Vervain.
You kept your composure until Joel left. You said your farewells, waved him off, shut the door, and immediately collapsed on your couch in a lovestruck heap. It was all so dramatic, the sofa may as well have been a bed of roses.
It wasn’t just that Joel was attractive—and fuck, he was attractive—it was the way he wholly and truly respected you. Respect was something you’d had to earn from everyone else around here, but Joel didn’t need any convincing. He saw your worth right away.
He was all you thought about for the rest of the day, the evening, until you went to bed that night. Even then, your mind wouldn’t stop racing.
These feelings were big, too big. Keeping them inside hurt, but you feared letting them out would be agony. They were safest with you, blossoming into flowers in your soul, where only you knew about them.
But still, you were wide awake, consumed by the urge to do something, say something.
So you got up, pulled your shoes on, went outside and picked a flower from your garden.
Jackson was desolate as you wandered down the street. The only residents awake at this hour were those on patrol. It might have been eerie if you weren’t so wound up. 
You scanned each house as you passed by, looking for Joel’s. Your heart pounded in your chest when you found it. You didn’t need to be so nervous, the lights were off, but you kept imagining someone walking out and catching you in the act. But you’d come this far, and his front door was just a few yards away.
You climbed the stone steps with a quiet urgency, twirling the flower between your fingers one last time before dropping it just outside his door.
A single gardenia.
You were going to leave it at just one flower—you didn’t want to be weird and scare Joel off before you really got to know him. But then Ellie came by the greenhouse again.
“Did you leave a flower on our front porch the other day?” she asked, watering a yarrow seedling.
“What? Why?” You felt so lame, and so stupid for forgetting that Ellie lived there too. Your gesture was bound to get intercepted.
“There was a white flower out there. I showed it to Joel, and we figured it was from you.” It was a very reasonable thing to figure considering it was from you.
“What did Joel say?” you asked, trying not to sound as desperate as you felt.
“He said it was for him.”
“So he took it?”
“Yeah,” Ellie said. “Don’t know what he did with it.”
Ellie wasn’t nearly as invested in this as you were, but it still sounded promising. Joel had accepted the flower, maybe even liked it. The thought made your stomach feel strange, like a bunch of petals were flurrying around in there.
“Well, it was for him…” you mumbled.
Ellie glared at you in feigned outrage. “I’m insulted.”
“What are you complaining about?” you laughed. “I gave you a flower.”
“It’s wilting.”
“Fine then”—you handed her a pair of pruning shears—“go cut yourself a new flower.”
She wandered around the greenhouse for about five minutes and came back spinning a flower between her thumb and index finger. It had pure white petals and a bright yellow pistil. “I chose this daisy.”
“That’s a cosmos,” you corrected. “It represents harmony and balance.”
Ellie assessed the flower in her hand, genuinely mulling over the meaning of it, and you realised how much you appreciated her. She saw value in something you cared about. 
“What did Joel’s mean?” she asked.
“I’m actually not sure about that one.” It was a total lie, but you sounded convincing enough that Ellie shrugged it off and carried on watering flowers.
You couldn’t help yourself after that. Knowing that Joel accepted your gift made you want to do it again. And again.
So you did. Every few days, when you were sure he and Ellie were asleep, you sauntered down to their house and dropped a flower outside the door. An aster, agapanthus, camellia…
Joel never mentioned it, and you never really expected him to, but the nods and soft smiles he gave you when he saw you around were enough to let you know he appreciated you.
But Joel would never know the true meaning of your flowers. It was better that way.
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Maria and Tommy’s son was born later in the spring, and your garden had never seen so many visitors. The new parents were practically drowning in congratulatory flower arrangements, and eventually Tommy had to tell you to start turning people away.
One of these visitors happened to be Joel, and he was the one person you couldn’t turn away.
Unlike everyone else, Joel came to your door first. The slight nerves he’d had the first time he came over were gone, but so was the facade of sociability. Maybe this uncouth version of Joel should have irked you, but seeing him comfortable enough to drop the pretence just made you like him more.
“I need help with something,” he said, not even bothering with a hello.
“What is it?”
“A gift for the happy family,” he spoke bitterly, like he was actively trying not to grimace as the words came out.
“Flowers?”
“Flowers seem appropriate.”
Joel was strangely upset for someone who was welcoming their nephew into the world. You didn’t know the story between Tommy and Joel, just that they hadn’t seen each other for years before Joel and Ellie arrived in Jackson, and that Maria really disliked him.
But despite his sour attitude, it was clear Joel was trying. Whatever was weighing on him, he was pushing it down and choosing to be thoughtful for the sake of his family. Tommy could deal with one more bouquet.
You walked down to the greenhouse with Joel trailing behind you, his hands shoved into his pockets the entire time. On a better day, you would have tried to make conversation with him, but he obviously didn’t need that pressure right now.
He finally spoke up when you arrived at the greenhouse. “This place has seen better days.”
It wasn’t the flowers he was talking about, it was the structure itself. The contractor in him must have noticed the rusted metal pipes holding everything together, the holes and tears in the plastic sheets, and the fact that there was almost no room to walk.
“I know it’s bad,” you said with a nervous laugh. “It was built before I got here. I don’t think they used their finest materials.”
It was always cramped in here, but Joel being so broad and having such a presence made it even worse. He was closer to you now than he’d ever been. He smelled warm, like fresh coffee and leather and musk. It made your head spin.
“So, what kind of flowers are you thinking?” You needed to change the subject before you threw yourself at this man.
“Uh...pink?”
You laughed—you couldn’t help it. He couldn’t have been more vague if he tried.
“Why’s that funny?” He wasn’t mad, but he did seem impatient.
“Sorry,” you said, fighting back a smile. “Maybe you could elaborate on that?”
“I don’t know,” he groaned, running a hand over his prickly beard. “This is why I need help.”
You felt bad for laughing when he was so stressed out. He was overthinking something that should have been simple, and it made your heart ache for him. He was looking for guidance.
“We’ll do peonies for good fortune,” you told him, “and daffodils for new beginnings.”
His shoulders relaxed as some of the tension left him. Whatever was weighing on him was still there, but this was one thing that made it bearable. 
You walked back to your house after cutting the flowers, where there was actually space to work. You expected Joel to leave then, go home and wait until the flowers were ready like everyone else did, maybe even have you deliver them on his behalf, but he stayed by your side.
“How do you know all this stuff?” Joel asked, sitting across the table from you as you worked. “About flowers, I mean.”
You never got into this with anyone, but your inexplicable attachment to Joel compelled you to open up. Whatever pain resided in him reminded you of your own. He understood you.
“My mom had this book. She wrote down the meaning of every flower she knew of, and I guess I’ve memorised it all over the years,” you explained.
Talking about her didn’t hurt like you thought it would. It was actually a relief.
“When did it happen?” You knew what he was asking.
“First day,” you replied.
He nodded solemnly. “Me too.”
This wasn’t the first time you had seen through the gaps in Joel’s armour, but it was the first time he’d made the choice to let you. You didn’t know his limits, if those two words were as deep as he could get, but you wanted to see what would happen if you just asked.
“Joel?”
“Hm?”
“You don’t seem happy about this,” you said, straightforward but still cautious.
“I guess I’m not,” he admitted, looking down pensively.
“Why is that?”
“Just don’t understand bringing a kid into all this.”
You agreed with him. The people of Jackson were as safe as they could be, but outside the walls were infected, raiders, FEDRA, and a multitude of horrors too awful to speak of. It would only take one mistake for Jackson to be completely wiped out. You wouldn’t want to bring a child into a world like that either.
But you also knew that most people who had kids post-outbreak hadn’t done it by choice.
“It’s not as if people have access to birth control,” you pointed out, stacking peonies onto a piece of tissue paper. “But I don’t disagree.”
“It’s just a lot for me to wrap my head around,” Joel continued—or maybe he was starting on a completely different train of thought. “Tommy’s the uncle. He’s always been the uncle. I’m…“
He couldn’t say it. He didn’t have to.
“You still are,” you told him. “Tommy’s still an uncle.”
Joel was silent, letting your words sink in. It was cold comfort, and maybe you shouldn’t have said it, but it was what you believed.
“Why do people call you Rosebud?” The question took you aback. It was completely unrelated, yet felt so important. He was the first person in twenty years to ask you that question.
“My mom came up with it when I was little. It’s what everyone’s called me since.”
“Doesn’t it hurt?” Joel asked. “Seems like a constant reminder of what you lost.”
It was hard having to live without her, but you never wanted to forget what you lost. “I guess I like the reminders.”
His hand absent-mindedly fell to the broken watch on his wrist, and for a fleeting moment, you were seeing the man you first saw in December. An open wound. Marigold.
“She didn’t stop being my mom,” you said quietly. “I didn’t stop being her daughter.”
And as quickly as the wound opened, it was once again sewn shut. He even managed a smile. “You’re wise, kid. You know that?”
Kid.
Ouch.
It felt like a kick to the stomach. In an instant, the carnations that bloomed when you first saw Joel all those months ago, that had been so red and vibrant, faded into yellow.
You held yourself together until he left. You finished arranging the flowers, wrapped them up, handed them over to him, said goodbye and wished him luck, then trudged over to the couch and flopped down onto it—this time in a dejected heap.
It wasn’t as if you thought you had much of a chance with Joel, but this just felt so awfully final. It didn’t matter that you were basically thirty years old—in his mind, you were a kid.
It was embarrassing. You thought about the flowers you left—a quiet admission of feelings—and prayed the couch would swallow you whole and suffocate you. 
You’d gotten it all wrong. Joel never appreciated it. He probably thought it was weird and pathetic but didn’t have the heart to tell you. You wondered why he even accepted the initial flower, and if you weren’t feeling so spurned and humiliated, it might have dawned on you that you were overreacting.
You still left a flower that night, if only to get some closure. It would be the last one you ever left him.
A red tulip.
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Joel came to your door one day in July.
You’d come to expect Ellie on your front porch at least once a week, but Joel wasn’t a surprise either. You were friends now, even after such an embarrassing rejection.
Joel still never mentioned the flowers. He was probably relieved when you stopped leaving them and wanted to pretend it never happened, and that was fine by you.
Being friends didn’t help matters though. He was always rough and grumpy in his Joel way, but he was sweet too. So sweet. It felt impossible to move on.
“Hey, Joel,” you said. “Need help with something?”
“I wanted to help you, actually.”
“Me?”
“I can’t keep lookin’ at that greenhouse,” Joel said. “It’s a piece of shit.”
You had to laugh at his honesty. “You want to patch it up?”
“Was thinking of taking the whole thing apart and rebuildin’ it.”
The offer stunned you. It was so generous and so out of nowhere. Your first instinct was to say no, that it wasn’t worth the trouble, but something stopped you. It was Joel coming to you in earnest and saying he wanted to help. It felt like an insult to deny him.
You smiled warmly and nodded. “Okay.”
“When can I get started?” he asked.
Shit. You had dozens of flower pots you didn’t know what to do with. “Uh, I’ll have to empty the greenhouse first. I guess I'll bring the flowers here in the meantime.”
“Ellie and I can help with that,” Joel said. “I’ll go get her.”
You blinked at him. “Now?”
“You got other plans?”
You absolutely did not. “Ah, no. Now is good.”
“Great.”
That was how you spent your day, lugging flower pots from the greenhouse and unloading them in your front yard with Joel and Ellie in tow. It was so lovely it bordered on being painful—pink roses unshed of their thorns pierced your heart.
You let yourself imagine for a moment that this was reality. That you, Joel and Ellie were a weird, happy family. The carnations in your soul had never been more yellow, and you instantly regretted indulging in that particular fantasy.
Joel was already at the greenhouse when you went there the next morning. He was up on a ladder, and half of the structure was already torn down. Rusted metal pipes and discoloured, ripped up plastic sheets were piling up a few feet away.
“Need any help?” you called out.
He looked down at you and smiled—a real, wide smile you hadn’t seen on him before. “You know what you’re doin'?”
“Not really.”
“Then, no,” he replied. “Don’t want you droppin’ anything on that pretty little head.”
Huh?
You flushed all over, wishing your couch was here so you could collapse onto it. Less than two months ago he was calling you a kid, and now he thought your head was pretty. The thought crept in that maybe he was purposely messing with you, but you liked Joel too much to entertain the idea.
“Well, I probably can’t help with the physical labour,” you said, cursing how nervous your voice sounded. “But if there’s anything else…”
“You’re a sweet one, Rosebud,” Joel said. He had to be doing this on purpose. “You just let me do my thing, and we’ll leave it a surprise.”
You laughed. “In other words, you’re telling me to get lost?”
He grinned at you fondly. “Just trust me.”
It only took one exchange for that hope to come back to life. You tried to stop it, tell yourself he was just teasing, that he didn’t mean it that way, but it was too late. Those carnations were already morphing back into a searing red.
You wanted to come by everyday and watch him work, but you stayed away and waited for him to come to you. It only took a few days for him to show up at your door, looking infuriatingly hot covered in blotches of sage green paint.
“Is it ready?” you asked.
“It’s ready.”
You followed along behind him, keeping your eyes down so you didn’t accidentally spot the new greenhouse before he was ready for you to look. You ended up just ogling his ass, which was a decidedly better and much more pinch-able sight than the ground.
“Look now.”
You lifted your gaze, and your hands flew up to your mouth as you let out a dramatic gasp.
It wasn’t just good, it wasn’t just an improvement, it was beautiful—masterfully pieced together with timber and painted the same sage green that Joel was sporting on his clothes. And it was bigger. There would actually be space for you to walk around inside.
Joel started to panic from beside you, and you realised you were crying. “Is it the green? I can repaint it if you hate it.”
You seemed to have lost the power of speech to reassure him, so instead, you threw your arms around him and held tight. The suddenness of it shocked him, and his hands found your waist. You weren’t sure if he was about to push you away or pull you in.
“So, you like it?” he asked.
“I love it,” you snivelled into his shoulder. “Thank you, Joel.”
He hugged you back then, caging you in with his big arms and making you feel so safe. You felt a prickly sensation on your temple as he brushed his lips against it. 
Red tulips were threatening to burst out of you in droves. You didn’t want to let go, but you were seconds away from making a confession you couldn’t take back if you spent too much longer in his embrace.
You pulled yourself away, and even with the sun beating down on you, you missed his warmth.
He walked you back home, came inside when you offered him iced tea (you were out of coffee), drank it all even if it was too sweet for him, and all you could do was thank him repeatedly for what he’d done.
“Don’t have to thank me,” he said. “I wanted to do this for you.”
What did that mean?
“I’m sorry I never said anything,” Joel continued, a pink flush apparent on his cheeks.
“About what?” You knew exactly what.
“The flowers. I wanted to thank you, but I didn’t know how. I’m not used to it.”
“Used to what?”
“Kindness.” He almost winced, like it hurt to say.
“It was weird. I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t weird,” Joel assured you. “It was…nice. Bummed me out when you stopped.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise. I get it.”
You didn’t know what to say at this point. You didn’t want to be talking about any of it, and you were about to tell him that, ask him to move on from this, until he decided to put you on the absolute spot.
“What did they mean?”
Fuck. “Hm?”
“The flowers,” he said. “You said flowers have meaning. What did they mean?”
“I actually don’t know those ones.” That harmless little lie worked on Ellie, but Joel saw right through it.
“Why are you lying to me?” He didn’t even sound angry or annoyed, just genuinely curious, and a little sympathetic.
You considered doubling-down, insisting you didn't know, but you couldn’t do that him. It was a vulnerable conversation for not only you, but Joel as well. You understood how hard this was for him, and you cared for him too much to shut him down.
But you couldn’t say it, not verbally. Instead, you grabbed the notebook that was laying on your coffee table and held it out to him. There was a split second as he was reaching for it where you imagined yourself tugging it back out of his reach, forgetting about this entire thing, but then it was in his hands and it was too late. Nothing would ever be the same.
You held your breath as he flipped through it, his eyes flicking over the words. His face gave nothing away, but his finger was tracing over something.
Red tulip - declaration of love. 
He gently shut the book and set it down, and your eyes stayed firmly on the floor, hoping if you stared at it long enough it would split open and consume you.
“Are you surprised?” You couldn’t project your voice above a whisper.
“I guess not,” Joel said. It was the honest answer, and the one you most expected. “I thought you were just bein’ nice, then Ellie kept insisting you were interested.”
That girl was smarter than you gave her credit for—and you already thought she was very smart.
“I thought there was no way,” Joel continued. “You’re sweet and young and so pretty. I’m just an old man.”
“I don’t care how old you are,” you replied.
“I’ve done a lot of bad things...”
“I don’t care what you’ve done. I care who you are now.”
You were looking at him now. He looked moved, rapt, and not at all like someone about to deliver a devastating rejection.
“And you want me?”
“Yes.”
There was a pause where neither of you said anything, but the air was thick with an unspoken question: Where do we go from here?
“Can I kiss you, Rosebud?”
You nodded, and he did. It felt like dozens of chrysanthemums, camellias and carnations all springing to life under your skin.
He was gentle in a way you never could have imagined, cupping your cheek with his palm and holding your waist with the other. It was reminiscent of the hug you’d shared earlier, and you wondered if he’d wanted to kiss you then.
His lips were rough, a little chapped, but soft in the way he moved them. This wouldn’t be how he always kissed, you were sure of that. Someday it would be messy, frantic, all-consuming. But this careful, slow movement of his lips against yours was all you needed right now. 
He wanted to be gentle with you, because he cherished you like a rosebud.
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flower translations:
rose (pink) - perfect happiness
rose (dark crimson) - mourning
carnation (red) - admiration
marigold - grief, despair
starwort - welcome to a stranger
chrysanthemum (red) - i love you
vervain - enchantment
gardenia - you’re lovely
yarrow - healing
aster - symbol of love
agapanthus - secret love
camellia (pink) - longing for you
peony - prosperity
daffodil (bunch) - new beginnings, hope, good luck
carnation (yellow) - rejection, disappointment
tulip (red) - declaration of love
rosebud (red) - pure, lovely
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teecupangel · 6 months
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@thedragonqueen1998's reply to this post
That new tag actually is an idea/AU i've thought of lately. XD Where Desmond gives birth to Altaïr, Ezio and Ratonhnhaké:ton before being kidnapped. I've personally had him just suddenly become pregnant, no sex needed to lean more into the "Desmond is the Chosen One". XD Plus, we need more Dadmond tbh.
Virgin Birth.
Desmond had never even heard about it until he googled ‘Is it possible to get pregnant without having sex?’.
This is, according to Wikipedia, different from Immaculate Conception.
Desmond would like to reiterate that he was not the second coming of Virgin Mary.
… as far as he knew.
Not only that, he had been a virgin before he gave birth, having enough trust issues to fill a goddamn dam at the moment.
It wasn’t like he didn’t want to know how sex feels like.
It was more that he was still scared that his father or someone his father sent would come find him and take him away from this freedom.
He can’t go back.
He would never go back.
Especially now that he had three sons to think of.
They were born on December 21, 2005.
At least, that was what Desmond believed.
The morning of December 21, his stomach started hurting so badly he couldn’t leave his bed. The pain ebbed and flowed from paralyzing pain to almost unnoticeable, giving Desmond a chance to text that he wouldn’t make it to his shift because of ‘stomachaches’.
His boss assumed he had diarrhea and told him to stop eating weird cheap shit.
Desmond was pretty sure that wasn’t it but it wasn’t like he could go to a clinic and get this check out.
Clinics meant asking questions about who he was and his history.
Clinics left tracks that William Miles can find.
Desmond knew how the game is played.
And fuck that. Desmond wasn’t going to give up his goddamn freedom because of a stomachache.
It will come to pass.
Like every pain Desmond ever felt.
So he closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Inhaling deeply before slowly exhaling, timing his breathing to the ebb and flow of the pain.
By midday…
Desmond fell asleep.
He didn’t know if the breathing helped him fall asleep or if he had passed out from the exhaustion and pain.
When he woke up, the sun had started to set and…
The pain was gone.
His bed was a lost cause, covered in blood, but Desmond’s attention was focused on the three small forms lying on the bed between his legs.
His sons.
Three bloodied (and, Desmond was being honest, wrinkly newly born ugly) babies who were all staring at him as they make cooing sounds.
That was the day Desmond became a father.
And also the day he googled ‘Is it possible to get pregnant without having sex?’.
They were… low maintenance boys, Desmond supposed.
They only shout when they needed to get Desmond’s attention and they weren’t fussy over their drinks. They seemed a bit disgruntled every time Desmond had to change their diapers but they didn’t cry.
They rarely cry.
They only truly cry at times when they were asleep and Desmond believed that they would have nightmares during those times.
His boss was strangely alright with Desmond suddenly appearing with three babies, only looking at him with a frown as he told him that this should be his wake up call to use condoms.
Even his coworkers believed that the one day that Desmond said he was out because of ‘stomachache’ had been code for him freaking out because an ex had left him with three sons as a big fuck you or something.
The most support Desmond got from them though was letting the babies stay in the office.
He had to buy the collapsible playpen though but it was fine.
It gave him an excuse to get more shifts just to pay for his and his sons’ living expenses.
One of his coworkers asked why he didn’t just give them up for adoption. It was clear that he wasn’t ready for it.
And Desmond couldn’t explain it.
He wanted them.
They might have been a surprise but… they were his.
And…
Whenever he felt tired or felt like everything was becoming too much… just feeling them in his arms was enough.
It was enough.
.
.
Miles’ kids were strange boys.
They didn’t make any messes and they were polite… most of the time, anyway.
He knew it was bad to let Miles use his office to keep the kids. Hell, this bar was not a good place for kids and Miles should really just get a babysitter but he didn’t mind.
Miles was homeschooling them… in a way.
It wasn’t his place to give parenting advice anyway so he stayed out of whatever Miles planned for his kids. As long as they don’t hinder business, they could stay.
Altaïr was always on that second hand battered laptop that always made loud fan noises when it was turned on. They mostly kept it on because of it.
At first, he thought Altaïr was just playing in his laptop but… he was studying. Every tab he could see was either educational or… well… Wikipedia pages. Even the YouTube account Desmond shared with his sons were filled with educational videos, mostly something connected to history or engineering or technology.
Desmond liked to say that Altaïr was a genius and had been saving up to buy him a better laptop for the past year now.
Ezio, on the other hand, was more of a people’s person. He liked to talk to Desmond’s coworker before the start of their shift and he was a charming little bugger. Charming enough that many of Desmond’s coworkers started to give them food and juice boxes, saying they made too much or their parents or grandparents gave them too much food and there’s no more space in their fridge…
He was pretty sure that was Ezio’s plan from the very beginning. Build up a network of helpful adults.
Then there was Connor.
He had a different name that Desmond and his brothers use but it was hard to pronounce so he just let everyone else call him Connor.
He followed his father or one of his brothers most of the time, quiet by their side.
Observing.
He was the one who helped out the most, always following Desmond and helping him whenever they were doing their final clean up before closing for the day.
When he was with Ezio, he was always earnest with his questions, taking everything the adults tell him seriously.
When he was with Altaïr, he would lean close and read with him quietly. They would share the earbuds that they had with tape on the right wire because the casing had broken apart and watch videos quietly.
They were… nice kids.
Desmond was a good father dealt with a bad hand.
He supposed…
Buying Desmond a cheap laptop would be cheaper than raising his pay this Christmas.
Would save him more money in the long run, that’s for sure.
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joeys-babe · 4 months
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Joey B Imagines: Holly Jolly Christmas
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Summary: Christmas Eve and Christmas morning fun with Joe. The last days of your week in Cincinnati with your boyfriend before you go back to Athens.
(Part one to - Part 2)
Warnings: Fluff, mentions of sex.
Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader
Imagine universe: Everlasting Love
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December 24, 2023
The love and warmth flowing through the house were off the charts tonight.
It was Joe and I’s first Christmas Eve that we would spend together.
Last year, we had only been dating for five days when Christmas rolled around.
My parents weren't exactly fond of me spending the night, two hours away, with my twenty-six-year-old boyfriend as a nineteen-year-old either. Especially, since I'd be missing Christmas with them.
I still don't know how I convinced them to let me have Christmas with Joe this year, but I won't question it.
Tomorrow morning after exchanging gifts with Joe, he'd be driving me back to Athens.
Though I was glad it wouldn't be two months till the next time I saw him, I'd prefer not to even go a week without seeing Joe, but you can't always get what you want.
I'll savor the time with him as much as I can though, and I know Joe’s doing the same.
The sun had just gone down, and Joe had just put some wood into the living room fireplace.
Now, the Christmas Eve festivities begin.
Joe said he had a cookie craving, but after dating the man for a year I knew he was not a baker.
“Can I help?” - Joe
He had just walked into the kitchen from the living room, to find me opening the box of cookies he requested.
“Joe, honey, you sure?” - you laughed
“What does that mean?” - Joe
“You aren't exactly a baker, baby.” - you
Joe made his way behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, laying his chin on my shoulder.
“You’re always telling me to try new things. I can start right now.” - Joe
“Why do you want to? I thought you'd avoid helping me like the plague.” - you
His arms squeezed me tighter as he explained himself.
“I just wanna be with you right now, as much as I can, to savor our time together while you're with me.” - Joe
“You’re willing to bake just to spend time with me?” - you giggled
“Baby, I'm willing to fuckin’ skydive.” - Joe
I put the box back on the counter and turned around in Joe’s arms. Looking up into those eyes, I felt my chest tighten up.
Like it was so overwhelmed with love it hurt.
“I love you, Joe.” - you
“I love you too, y/n.” - Joe grinned
He craned his neck to kiss me, so I raised to my tiptoes to meet his perfect lips.
After a minute of kisses, I pulled away to start baking.
I was making classic sugar cookies but putting Hershey's Kisses on top.
“So, first, we have to put the dry ingredients in a bowl.” - you
Joe grabbed one of the bowls I had set out and quickly placed it in front of me, the small act making me giggle.
After getting the all-purpose flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into the bowl, I handed Joe a whisk.
I felt like a mom letting her young son help her make cookies, and that thought resurfaced when Joe flung a bunch of the mixture out of the bowl.
“Shit.” - Joe deadpanned
“It’s okay, baby. The dry ingredients are hard to mix.” - you
After taking the whisk from Joe’s hand, he stepped to the side to let me finish his job.
Once that was done, it was time to move on to the next step.
“This might be easier… wanna use a hand mixer, Joey?” - you
“Sure.” - Joe
I plugged it in and handed it off to Joe, who was looking slightly intimidated.
“I’ll put everything in there, you just mix it, okay?” - you
Joe nodded his head, and I put the butter and granulated sugar into another bowl.
He looked adorable, waiting for me to tell him to start.
I gave him a nod and Joe slowly started to mix the contents up.
“How do I know when to stop?” - Joe
“When it's fluffy.” - you
Joe was doing great, but at one point, I was buckled over laughing at the sound of the beaters hitting the side of the bowl repeatedly when Joe lost control of the mixer.
“Don't laugh at me!” - Joe
A second after he said that, it happened again. I couldn't help but laugh, and this time Joe was laughing with me.
I moved behind him and laid my head on his shoulder blade when he turned the mixer off, and the content sigh that escaped his lips told me he liked the contact.
“Baby…” - Joe
“Mhm?” - you
“I've never felt as happy with someone as I am with you.” - Joe
“Feelings mutual, Joey. I love you.” - you
“I love you too. I just wish things weren't so hard.” - Joe
“Me too. Soon though, I promise, I'll be with you every day.” - you
“Can’t wait.” - Joe leaned into your touch
I contently stood behind my boyfriend, relishing in his touch, when seemingly out of nowhere, he remembered the task at hand.
“Wait, baby, what's next?” - Joe
“Oh shit, the cookies. Uhm, we have to put eggs and vanilla extract in what you just whipped up. Then add the dry ingredients.” - you
Joe grabbed the bottle of vanilla extract, thinking it would be simple enough for him to do without messing up.
So he thought.
When he went to open the glass bottle, his hand slipped, and he dropped the bottle onto the counter. It broke, and the extract went all over his pink sweatshirt.
My reflexes quickly grabbed the rest of the bottle before the rest could spill out, the lid was the only part that shattered. I thought everything was okay, but that was until Joe spoke up.
“Are you shitting me! Why can't I fucking do anything right!” - Joe
“Joe, baby, calm down. Did you get glass on you?” - you
“No…” - Joe mumbled
He looked down at his sweatshirt and let out a loud, annoyed groan.
It was stained for sure, and sadly, it was my favorite one of his sweatshirts. The bright pink Nike top always looked so good on him, and I loved stealing it.
“Just take it off, I'll get the stains out.” - you
“You just want me to take my shirt off…” - Joe
Deciding to play along with his pouty statement, I put my hands on Joe’s shoulders and bit my lower lip as I looked straight into his eyes.
“So what if I do? Are you gonna take it off for me?” - you
“Yes… ma’am.” - Joe stuttered
“Atta boy.” - you backed away and Joe pulled his sweatshirt over his head
After he pulled the sweatshirt over his head, he handed it to me. I put it on the chair to tackle later, and when I turned back around I couldn't stop myself from admiring my boyfriend.
Joe was toned, not too much, the perfect amount. His chest was my biggest obsession, and those veiny arms… god, he was a work of art.
My gaze trailed down his flat stomach, where the slight blonde happy trail ran from his belly button and down.
Knowing what it led to.
Knowing how good he made me feel with what that little patch of hair led to.
It made me hot all over.
“y/n, the cookies…” - Joe
“Oh- yeh!” - you snatched your eyes away from Joe’s body
I hurriedly busied myself with mixing the vanilla into the mixture before turning back to Joe.
“You wanna crack an egg? I know you can do that because you make eggs for breakfast all of the time.” - you
Joe felt a flutter in his stomach. He loved how much I was trying to make him feel useful.
“Sure.” - Joe smiled
He executed the step with no problem, and now that the combination of everything was mixed, it was time to add the dry ingredients.
When I grabbed the bowl containing it, I heard Joe grimace beside me.
“I have beef with those dry ingredients.” - Joe
I looked up at him just in time to see his stank face as he stared down the bowl. His look made me let out a snort, and he laughed with me.
Soon, they were mixed into the wet mixture, and Joe was pleased to see that it was turning into sugar cookie dough.
Joe helped me scoop the dough into balls on the cookie sheet.
I slid them into the oven and set the timer from the recipe.
“Thank you for helping me, baby.” - you
He wrapped his arms around me and placed a huge kiss on my lips.
“I didn't do much helping, more messing things up.” - Joe chuckled
“It’s okay. I had fun with you nonetheless.” - you
“Good, I'm glad.” - Joe grinned
A few seconds of silence went by till I spoke up.
“While we're waiting, what else do you want to do?” - you
“Uh, we can… decorate the gingerbread houses I bought.” - Joe
“Ooo, yeah!” - you
——
A few minutes later, Joe and I sat at the bar with our separate gingerbread house kits opened and spread out.
“Have you done this before? You act like you have a system.” - you
“I’ll have you know, I'm actually a reigning gingerbread house decorating champion.” - Joe
“Where? Within the team?” - you laughed
“My family Christmas. I've been winning it since LSU.” - Joe
“Oh really?” - you grinned at him
“Yup. If you're lucky I'll teach you my ways.” - Joe
“Mmm?” - you
——
“Joe, how is your’s staying together?!” - you
It was thirty minutes later. The cookies were on the cooling rack, and I was struggling to keep a gingerbread house together.
Looking down at my house, which had a caved-in roof with two walls, I muttered something under my breath.
Struggling might be an understatement.
“What was that?” - Joe
“Nothing.” - you sighed
My gaze shifted over to Joe’s perfectly intact gingerbread house. The roof had M&M’s in the colors black and white, alternating in a pattern.
He was already done with the structure, so now he was just adding random stuff onto it. Including using green icing to make grass on the plastic base.
“Baby.” - you whined
Joe tilted his head to look at me, wanting to know why there was a slight annoyance in my tone. I watched his eyes flick down to my pile of icing and gingerbread, and he had to bite the insides of his cheeks to not laugh.
My glare intensified causing him to giggle, but he leaned forward to press his lips to my forehead.
“looks beautiful, baby.” - Joe
“It looks horrible, Joe!” - you
“I was talking about you.” - Joe laughed
I felt my cheeks heat up as he said that, averting my gaze to anywhere but his intense eyes.
“Oh wait, do you want a cookie before we go to bed? It's getting late.” - you
Joe chuckled at my pathetic attempt to shift the mood and subject before answering.
“Please.” - Joe
I got up from my barstool and walked over to the cookie sheet. They were small so I grabbed a napkin and placed two on it, sliding it across the island to Joe.
“Thank you, my love.” - Joe
“You’re welcome.” - you grinned and bit into a cookie yourself
——
“Our last sleepover…” - Joe sighed
I was already lying in the bed when Joe crawled in beside me.
“For now.” - you smiled
Joe pulled me into his chest with a content sigh and squeezed my waist tight.
My hand lingered over his naked body, having just gotten out of the shower and opted for no undies. When I reached his hip, he grabbed my hand gently and pressed a kiss to my knuckles.
“Can I just hold you tonight?” - Joe
His statement set off butterflies in my stomach. Joe and I had engaged in at least a round a day this entire week, enjoying each other while we could. Hearing him say he just wanted to hold me made me feel so loved, and gosh, was he sweet.
“Of course.” - you
That night, Joe and I held each other so tight.
——
December 25, 2023
Loved.
That's the only way I could describe how I felt.
Christmas morning with Joe was amazing, making me look forward to my future with him even more.
I mean, I was sure my future had Joe in it.
He had to be because after he came into my life, I was sure I wouldn't know how to live if he left it.
We had just exchanged gifts and smiles never left our faces.
Currently lying on top of Joe, my face smashed into his chest as he rubbed my back with a big hand, I could never feel more content than this.
Christmas music played softly on the TV, and at the same time, we looked at my bags by the front door.
“I love you.” - you both whispered at the same time
Joe and I laughed softly, his hand on my back trailing to cup my head.
“I love you too.” - you both whispered again
——
“So… when is the next time I'll see you?” - Joe
Joe and I stood on my front porch. It was around three in the afternoon now and my family was getting Christmas dinner ready inside.
My bags sat next to us, our arms around each other, holding one another as close as possible.
“When I get my schedule, I’ll tell you every single day that is free to come to Cincinnati. Anytime you're here to see your parents, if you can… stop by, okay?” - you
“I will. I'm not going two months without you ever again.” - Joe
Just then, one of my cousins came out onto the porch telling me to come inside because dinner was being served.
“Just a minute.” - you
They nodded and turned back into the house.
“I love you so much. Remember that okay? Even when I'm not there in person to tell you, just know I love you with my whole heart.” - Joe
“I love you too.” - you
I felt tears well up in my eyes and then spill over onto my cheeks. Joe quickly kissed them away.
“None of that, okay? It's not goodbye forever, just a temporary one.” - Joe
“Okay. Okay, yeah. I'm gonna see you again. This isn't goodbye forever.” - you reassured yourself
“That’s my girl. Uhm, I think they're gonna shoot me if I keep you up any longer so…” - Joe
“Bye, Joey.” - you buried your head into his neck
“Bye, baby.” - Joe
I leaned in and pressed a long kiss on his lips, never wanting to break away, but knowing I had to.
Joe stepped away from me and took a few steps back.
“You go ahead. I'll feel better if I see you walk in safely.” - Joe
I walked away slowly and turned towards the door, reaching for the doorknob and opening it before turning around to look at Joe one last time.
He gave me a sad smile and it gave me enough reassurance to walk into the house and shut the door behind me.
Everyone in the living room stopped and looked at me.
My mom's eyes flicked from my sad face to Joe’s through the window.
I watched him look at the door and then down at his feet before slowly walking back to his car.
Before he could reach for the handle he felt something cold hit his nose. Joe looked into the sky and saw that it was snowing. It was a white Christmas.
Joe smiled to himself and flinched at the sound of a door being slammed.
He looked around before his eyes landed on me. I was standing on the roofed porch as I watched the snow fall from the sky.
“It’s snowing!” - you
Joe stood there and admired me; his girl, the woman he was in love with, the one he thinks is his forever.
Slowly, I walked off the porch and over to Joe, who was leaning against his Porsche with a wide grin on his face.
The snow collected in his blonde hair, and as I admired him, he pressed his soft lips onto mine.
When we pulled away, all we could do was look into each other’s eyes… and just smile.
“Merry Christmas, Joe.” - you
“Merry Christmas, y/n.” - Joe
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Authors note: RAHHH. This was one of my favs.
Request for this fic;
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Hope you enjoyed! 💕
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lixie-phoria · 5 months
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" wish I were Heather "
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summary : time was a funny thing, slipping unnoticed through your fingers until it was too late to go back. time was exactly like lee felix. you tried so hard to hold on, clutching onto breaking strands, but he slipped through your grasps anyways, leaving behind an aching warmth that only he could bring.
lee felix x gn!reader | angst w no comfort :) | warnings - reader is insecure and depressed
an : it's 3rd of December so here's a small fic very loosely based on Heather by Conan Gray 🫶
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you could feel your fingertips freezing as the snow caught in your hair, the coffee in the paper cup you clutched now long cold.
stupid.
you were probably going to regret not wearing something warmer before stepping out. your fault. again.
naïve.
your eyesight was hazy as you stared at the couple in the distance. he had his arm around her. she was snuggled into his side. they were probably warm. you were slipping away.
delusional.
she said something that made him throw his head back laughing like a little kid. the sound was lost along the way. you were glad. you weren't sure you could stand hearing it.
too hopeful.
you sipped at the cold drink. it tasted terrible. too sugary. you hated it.
you sipped at it again.
coward.
would things be different if you had just told him? would you be snuggled into his side instead? would you be the reason he laughed so heartily?
failure.
you got up just as he did, watching as his blonde locks slipped from his beanie and she stood up too, immediately tucking them back in. you didn't notice when your hand had extended too, ready to tuck his hair back. but you reached out to nothing. she reached out to him. you turned your back to them. she turned her back to him as he tried to sneak in a kiss.
ugly.
was that it? were you not good enough? would you tamper his reputation? was he embarrassed of you?
a burden.
maybe you shouldn't have gone to all those study "dates" in the library with him. maybe he didn't actually want you there but was too nice to say no.
felix was a dream. he was everything. he was your breath of fresh air on a terrible day. he was sunshine incarnate.
you were nothing to him.
dumb.
your phone buzzed in your pocket. you fished it out to see han's contact glaring at you from the screen. should you pick up? none of them had heard from you for over a week. ever since felix had asked her out. you hit decline. the phone buzzed again.
a bad friend.
you turned back to look at them. you wished you hadn't as you felt your heart sink deeper. they looked so happy. so carefree. you wished you could feel happy for them too.
this time chan calls you. you couldn't decline his call. you knew he'd worry a thousand times worse than the others.
your body works by itself as you hold the phone to your ear, its cold metal body sending a shiver down your spine.
chan's voice is comforting, and you can practically hear his relief.
you try to speak back. a lump in your throat stops you. a broken gasp escaps your chapped lips.
oh. you were crying.
chan asks you where you are. you didn't answer. you couldn't. you hit decline, sending him your location instead. he pleaded with you to stay there, promising he was on his way. you knew he'd berate you when he saw what you were wearing. but that was the least of your problems.
you could feel you finger tips freezing as you sipped the last of your coffee. felix had been there all the other times to warm you. this time he wasn't. and it was all on you.
your sun was lost. probably forever.
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taglist : @foxinnie8 @hamburgers101 @starlostlaiba @jiisungllvr (send an ask to be added/removed)
©lixie-phoria, 2023
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