#is this what imposter syndrome feels like? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waterlilyrose · 2 days

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Are you taking requests? For something Kanthony adjacent? I just feel like finding out that Kate's pregnant would be kind of weird for Benedict? Even though they wouldn't know the gender, it makes it almost official that Benedict's role as the "back-up" is over, or not needed to the same extent any more. And I think the conversation that Anthony and Benedict would have about that would be interesting?

I LOVE prompts for Kanthony. Little exercises that genuinely bloom into good ideas. (A Promise Made In Haste was originally a prompt). Please send more - you can't do it anonymously anymore because I turned it off but still.

It wasn't shocking news or even very surprising. There had been little to no doubt what 'extending the honeymoon' had entailed for Kate and Anthony. Ben couldn't imagine there was a single room in Aubrey Hall that they hadn't debauched (he made a mental note to ask the servants to purchase him some brand new sheets for his bed next time they were there) and it was almost weird to see Anthony, the archetypal serious older brother, constantly in a good mood nowadays.

Anthony's whole plan of action from the start was to produce an heir for the Bridgertons. So when Anthony and Kate announced that they had succeeded and he would have a new nephew or niece in the autumn, it was met with joy and hardly any surprise.

So it was disconcerting and almost jarring to Benedict to feel so... winded by the news.

Benedict had never possessed great ambitions himself. Watching his father and then Anthony performing the viscount duties hadn't looked particularly appealing at any time. For all the respect, money and power that it brought to them, Benedict had also seen the stress, drama and endless imposter syndrome it also produced. All in all, he had felt that it was cannon fire that was best avoided.

But there had also been the growing sensation of uselessness and feeling like he had no place in the world. He had genuinely felt passionate about becoming an artist but the realisation that Anthony had helped him get a foot in the door by paying for his place had dented his confidence too much to recover from. He found himself drifting from a hobby to passion to Tilly Arnold's bed with a feeling of listlessness. He felt untethered to anything and he was starting to dislike the lack of solid ground beneath his footing.

So it had come as an enormous surprise when Anthony had handed the reins of the viscountcy over for nearly half a year while himself and Kate enjoyed newlywed bliss. Benedict had almost expected Anthony to take a week off at a push and then demand to be let back into the study for fear Benedict would swap the family fortune for some magic beans or something. But no - his elder brother didn't even look back as he went off with Kate.

And, amazingly, Benedict found himself rather liking the new role.

There were dull and desperately annoying moments but somehow sitting at the desk in Anthony's study every day, going over ledgers, talking to solicitors and making suggestions had also made Benedict happy. Once you got the hang of it, it wasn't so hard at all. More monotonous. And he had felt rather a strong appreciation for Anthony when he was presented with how many household bills there were each month. He started to make sure to take better care of some of his items and even tried to mend items rather than buying something brand new every time. The tenants were polite to him and, when there was a storm which caused leaking in the roof of a tenant, he'd got down there to lend a hand at fixing it. Everyone praised him without it feeling like they were humouring him and the lawyers even took some of his suggestions seriously. When Anthony came back, he noted the changes and hadn't changed them back. He'd even praised his brother and everyone knew Anthony wasn't nice for nothing.

Benedict had been a little sad when Anthony took up the helm again that he no longer had a project to oversee everyday.

But he didn't realise how much he'd appreciated it until they announced Kate was pregnant.

Benedict wasn't like those stereotypical uncles from Hamlet or Richard III - he liked the company of small children as they were tactless to the point of hilarity and he loved Augie and Belinda. He had no doubt he'd love the new addition too. But with their birth, he was down the pecking order yet again. And his sense of lack of purpose started to bloom.

It was oddly Anthony himself who Benedict talked to about it all.

Benedict had taken to sitting in Will Mondrich's club late into the evenings. Sometimes he sat alone, nursing a scotch and just thinking... What now? What is left for me now? Writing? That was Colin's passion. Paint again? Didn't seem much point - the Academy probably still remembered Anthony's donation and might be influenced to let Benedict join in the hope of another donation. Marriage? The very thought made him drain his drink and want another.

"They say it's a bad habit drinking alone." Came a voice and Benedict was startled to see Anthony appearing with his own drink in hand to take a seat at Benedict's table.

"What are you doing here? You never come out any more - you'd rather be canodeling with Kate."

"I would rather be canodeling with her. But she's a bit tired and wants to sleep without me waking her up with kisses. Besides..." Anthony looked at Benedict in a manner that he didn't much like "I suppose I want to check on you. You've been... a bit quiet since I came back from Aubrey Hall. I just want to make sure you are okay."

Benedict contemplated lying or being dismissive of sharing emotions in a way brothers were so good at. But maybe the combination of drinks and general fatigue made him less guarded.

"I've just been wondering, that's all. About... what the point of me is now?"

Anthony's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?*

"Well, when you were on honeymoon, I had a purpose. A task to complete. A reason to strive forward. Now you are back and that duty is gone. And now you are having a child and therefore the duty will stay gone. You always said that being the second son didn't mean I had no duties; just that I came second in facing them. Well now I'll be third. Then fourth, fifth, sixth. It wasn't much and I didn't appreciate it until... It was gone. Now if I'm not here, no-one will notice-"

"I would notice." Anthony declared. "I would notice my brother wasn't here anymore. Mother would notice her son wasn't here. And half the ladies in Mayfair would sob into their hankies about you not being here." Anthony didn't look angry at his reluctant feelings so that was good. "Benedict... You are more than a role to play, you know?"

"Never played much of one even back in the day, did I?"

"And I placed all my value on playing too much of one, didn't I? And everyone in the family just loved that, I'm sure."

Benedict looked at Anthony and realised - yes, Anthony had held onto his role as viscount almost greedily in the past. And an unhappier man Benedict wasn't sure to ever have met.

Too much purpose or not enough - were both as bad as each other?

"If you liked the old jobs, I will happily hand some over to you permanently. I wasn't kidding when I said you impressed me while I was away - you are clearly trustworthy. Besides I don't want to be wedded to my duties anymore - I'm going to be a father. I want to hold my baby, get to know them and be a father they won't have to make an appointment to see. If you allowed me to do that, I'll be forever grateful."

Benedict was stunned. Anthony seemed earnest in this.

"But..." Benedict said feebly. "But the child will one day have to learn it all for themselves."

"Then we will teach them together. Their Papa... And their Uncle Benedict. Two tutors instead of one. More balanced that way. More wisdom. And more help. How does that sound?"

Benedict felt oddly emotional (he must have drank far too much). He was sure Anthony would be furious at Benedict's insecurities - instead... He was holding out his hand in support.

Benedict was not so foolish as not to take it in his own.

"Yes... That sounds good."

#waterlilyrose #kanthony #bridgerton #fanfic #kathony #fanfiction #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate and anthony #benedict bridgerton

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brettanomycroft · 1 day

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incredibly intrigued by your sam thoughts give me more

hooooohohohohohoh *rubs together grubby little raccoon paws*

I am excited to answer this and also don't know how much more I'll be able to say about Sam that I haven't already discussed here and here (though danged if I'm not going to try!)

Something that I think is central to understanding how my brain thinks about Sam is the way I think about Gwen; more specifically-

(Gwen and Sam from @boonsandwhatever 's amazing art, found here)

While I don't truly think they're the exact same character, I believe that what we've seen of them so far suggests that we are looking at two characters who, in their heart of hearts, are very similar in terms of their inner selves and motivations, but who are nonetheless being set up to walk two very different paths.

So how are they similar? We've seen so far that Gwen and Sam are both

goal-oriented

hardworking

stubborn

temperamental (Sam less openly, but it's there)

petty (not as obviously as Alice, but it's soooo there)

curious

seeking validation for their work/pursuits/questions

not in the career/field they had aspired to be in

under tremendous pressure from their families (Gwen's has not been directly addressed, but what we know of the Bouchards and and Gwen's comments about her 'friend' circles seems to suggest this)

driven (Gwen towards power/recognition, Sam towards understanding - both of these tie into that need for validation)

barely holding it together

more sensitive to teasing than they let on

imposter syndrome? (this one may actually be a stretch but all of the above similarities strongly suggest this one)

Of all of the above traits, "curious" and "seeking validation" are the two that I feel are Sam and Gwen's strongest motivators right now - and were also the source of their conflict in episode 18. They are, of course, pursuing answers to their own questions without realizing that, in this case, they are the ants seeing separate parts of the massive and horrible mystery that is pushing into their lives.

Sam's path has him looking out as he seeks to learn more about The Magnus Institute and about the catalysts and victims of the cases they get at the OIAR. Gwen's path has her looking up, as she questions the role the OIAR plays within the government/society, how it is structured and managed, and what employing literal monsters has to do with it all.

In an ideal world, Sam and Gwen would team up to be like the supernatural Wonder Twins. If they're able to see past their misunderstandings and the walls they've put up, I think they could actually get a lot done - but I worry that their insecurities, ambitions, and lack of validation at the right times/in the right places will push them further away from the best possible allies they have: each other.

(If you're fanfiction inclined, I've actually explored some of these team/friendship dynamics in my fic "Pieces of You." Part 2 continues to explore how Sam and Gwen interact when they are seemingly in opposition)

I do think there is a very good chance that both Sam and Gwen end up in difficult, morally challenging, or outright evil situations as a result of their need for understanding, recognition, and validation. I've seen a lot of folks suggesting that Sam could become "avatar-ized" or willingly take on The Powers of the Horrors in order to finally "live up to the potential" that he perceives himself as having been denied when he was rejected from The Magnus Institute. As for Gwen, I think (hope, pray) that her own insecurities and need to prove herself could lead her right into the claws of Lady Mowbray, someone that she has already defended in front of Lena simply for being of a higher echelon, and who has already given Gwen a level of recognition that she did not expect but clearly craves (when Lady M asks about her family line). Of course I would be tickled pink if they both got over themselves, communicated, and worked together to overcome (or at least understand) The Horrors!

Anyway, I know this ended up being more of a Sam and Gwen rant, but I hope you enjoyed, and thanks again for asking!

#the magnus protocol #TMAGP #tmagp theory #TMAGP character analysis #character analysis #sam khalid #samama khalid #gwen bouchard #gwendolyn bouchard #tmp sam #tmp gwen #tmp theory #tmp speculation #Teal's TMAGP takes #answered #the magpod

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soothedcerberus · 3 months

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So my art is/was featured on the tumblr radar??? Very exciting and im gracious but I’m quite overwhelmed with the positive response! 😭💖 Thank u and hello new followers!

#“who remembers dragon tales 🥺” APPARENTLY A LOT OF U DO LOL #Everyone talking about their nostalgia and childhood memories of the show in my tags is super sweet 😭🙏💖#And everyone is SO kind and sweet 😭💖💖 but I am very overwhelmed by the attention eheh #SO MANY REMEMBER SPECIFICALLY ORD 🥺💖#kind words #i draw weird centaur creatures and fanart!#is this what imposter syndrome feels like?#I will go into hiding now hehehahheh

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ghostiddie · 2 years

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God sometimes I feel so sorry to my followers. Like they are here but I don't bring anything consistent and significant to them. Like what if I bring biscuits or popcorn when I decide to lose it again? You guys could snack while I make these monologues about my blorbos and my extended knowledge about veins and bacteria? That would be nice. I could make you some iced tea or bring you some diet coke to go with that while I manifest myself as a sobbing mess about these characters. That would make more sense for you to not block me already.

#ok i cant believe you read all of that #and you're still following me??#is this what imposter syndrome feels like?#p

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thewhitekettle · 2 years

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I need to write this cover letter and apply for this job. At this point I’m blocking my own blessing. Can’t be excited about getting my dream job if I don’t apply.

#is this burnout?#is this what imposter syndrome feels like?#i’m so exhausted

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way)#(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle)#anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you...#...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition]#i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀#even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭#it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected...#...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

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undefeatablesin · 1 month

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Me rising from the dead after 3 months

#sin speaking #(yo what happened it was january yesterday)#(......H E L L O)#(guess who finally got their elvanse back lmao i feel like ive been trapped in the chalice dungeons for a thousand years)#(if u ever have imposter syndrome about having adhd. boy will missing ur meds make you think twice about that LOL)#(regret to inform you all that i have been violently obsessed with lop since it got patched in february and i replayed it. 8 times. lmao)#(i also regret to inform you that i have another new hunter. tragic. but i am not immune to choir propoganda.)#(good news though! i have some art stuff to post so look 4ward to that i guess lmao)#(SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE SO GRATEFUL TO SEE ANYONE HAS STUCK AROUND i have missed being productive here....soooooo bad lmao)#(im not going to promise too much tho bc lmao god always strikes me down for my hubris but YEAH. HI 😀)

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popping-greenbean · 1 month

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there are so many things that i could do so well,,, if only i could like.actually do them

#ok to rb or comment on if anyone wants to ??? i just want to ramble a bit #this post is about everything at once and nothing in particular but also very much about my art career wtf #i miss school already.having structure and clear immediate tasks to focus on and surrounded by people who i can tell myself can understand #like id still be feeling the raging imposter syndrome and self hatred but then at least i can still bury myself in schoolwork and #tell myself that its the best that i can do at the moment and i make excuses to forgive myself undeservingly for not doing more #back home with same old people into same old habits and i am once again 14 hiding in my closet writing edgy poetry plotting murder and #trying to ignore the yelling downstairs and trying to convince myself that its not my fault but at the core of it all it really is isnt it #and out of sight out of mind its harder to convince myself that i am still loved or worthy of it or even capable honestly #and craving the academic validation hearing someone say that what comes from my mind has any value at all any real meaning #and maybe then im still just trying to fool myself because what i want is for someone to believe im capable because i cant do it for myself #craving someplace i can distance myself from being who ive been all my life and guilt for not wanting what ive been lucky enough to receive #ok going to stop before i incriminate myself even more #prob will delete later but if i forget to haha hi #greenbean talks to plants

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fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 4 months

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It’s probably not a great sign that I’m starting to again listen to the kind of music I used to use cope with feeling like an incompetent, inhuman, lonely freak.

#ugh. posting about being depressed and lonely feels so much more embarrassing now that people follow me. not gonna stop me though #one of the worst times of my life was the year before coming out. I listened to so much glass beach and Sidney gish back then #and look who is finding herself wanting to listen to imposter syndrome on repeat agai #every other day I’m wondering what’s a human being gotta be like #what’s it take to just be competent #these sweet instincts. ruin my life

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silverwhittlingknife · 1 year

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Has Tim ever put Dick on a pedestal?

100% yes! This is basically Tim's backstory IMO. Prior to meeting Dick in Lonely Place of Dying, Tim's a kid who's got a distant, idealized, made-for-TV vision of Dick and Bruce - mostly Dick - and he sets out on a quest based entirely around that misperception.

Aaaand then he immediately crashes headfirst into reality, because the Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne he remembers from his childhood memories and daydreams are like this:

But it turns out that the actual real-life human people are a bit more, uh, cranky than Tim's glossy vision - things are tense and neither of them are super-happy to meet Tim:

And Tim has to rethink a bunch of his mistaken deductions as it slowly dawns on him that - far from being a plucky team - Dick and Bruce are actually not getting along at all:

And so Tim has to realize his whole plan of "Dick has to be Robin again!!! That will fix everything!!! :)))))" was actually wrong, and based on a misunderstanding of Bruce and Dick's relationship. And having realized he was wrong, he immediately sets about trying to figure out what he’s failed to understand in the most intrusive way possible—by asking lots of nosy questions!

Actually-meeting-Dick is basically the end of Tim’s super-idealized vision of Dick. It's not a vision that can survive contact with an actual human being who's snapping at you. And kid!Tim is (I love him but) extremely pushy and annoying, and Dick's a prickly young adult who is not above getting annoyed, which means Dick snaps at him pretty regularly.

But Tim does continue to admire him.

So for their various interactions after Lonely Place of Dying, IMO "does Tim have Dick on a pedestal" is kind of a judgment call based on your assessment of Dick's relative strengths/virtues. What's unambiguous: Tim has a consistently higher opinion of Dick than Dick does of Dick, and they argue about it a lot.

I had way too many thoughts about this, so below the cut:

Comics where Dick and Tim have conversations along the lines of Dick: "I suck and I'm failing at everything." Tim: "That's not true!! Actually you're great and you're succeeding at the thing you think you're failing at!!"

So who's right - Dick or Tim?

Dick and Tim's high opinions/expectations of each other: the plusses and minuses

Comic examples

Here are a couple different variations on Tim thinking that Dick is great (often when Dick's less sure):

in Showcase, Tim thinks that Dick’s a way better teammate than Azrael, even as Dick’s thinking himself as a failure who let the Titans down;

in Prodigal, Dick tells Tim a story about confronting Two-Face which to Dick symbolizes a moment of great failure and which Tim insists was a no-win situation where Dick did the best he could;

also in Prodigal, Dick’s despairing over how badly he thinks their encounter with Killer Croc went and meanwhile Tim thinks it went fine (after all, Dick listened to him and called an ambulance instead of beating up Croc!), and Tim tells Dick to lighten up and Dick talks about how he’s a failure;

in Nightwing 6, Dick thinks he’s doing badly in Blüdhaven and he’s self-conscious about it and paranoid about what Tim might tell Bruce, and Tim insists that the fact that Dick’s being targeted means he’s succeeding and getting close instead of failing, and Dick retorts that this won’t be comforting if he winds up dead because getting close just isn’t good enough;

also in Nightwing 6, Tim thinks Dick was a better Robin than Tim is, and Dick thinks he wasn’t that great and that Tim’s better;

post-Last Laugh, Tim’s insistent that Dick's being too hard on himself about attacking the Joker whereas Dick's really haunted by the experience and confides that it feels like he's discovered a terrible dark side of himself;

way later in Nightwing 110, Tim’s seeking Dick out and Dick’s trying to avoid him because he thinks he’s a bad person who’d be bad for Tim;

in BW: Murderer, Tim doesn’t trust Bruce absolutely, but in Red Robin, he does trust Dick absolutely (or at least, more than Tim trusts himself);

etc. etc. etc.

Who's right: Dick or Tim?

So, is Tim being too easy on Dick and looking at him with rose-colored glasses, and Dick’s harsher view of himself is the correct one; or is Dick a perfectionist who’s being too hard on himself, and Tim’s the one who’s actually seeing Dick’s strengths more clearly?

I don’t think the comics really commit one way or another! These are moments of multiple-perspectives, where we notice that Tim has one attitude and Dick has another attitude and that tells us things about the characters, not moments that are meant to resolve to a simplistic “one person is Right and one person is Wrong.” I think often you could argue that they're both right? So, like, if you wanted to take the approach of, "Tim's idolizing him but he's not actually as great as Tim thinks," I don't think the comics precisely contradict that interpretation.

... THAT SAID, look, I am a Dick Grayson fan at heart, and I tend to lean toward “Dick’s being too hard on himself.”

Tim’s not oblivious to Dick’s flaws—he immediately figures out, for example, that Dick’s gonna attack the Joker, and rushes off to stop him; he just isn’t as judgmental about this moment as Dick is, and he doesn’t think it makes Dick an awful person forever. The point is (Tim says later, practical-minded) that it was made right, and Dick shouldn’t beat himself up about it. In Prodigal, Tim’s not unaware that their fight with Croc went badly; he’s just focused on how Dick’s morals and teamwork-centric attitude feel right to him in a way that Azrael’s didn’t, and look, Tim didn’t get shot even though he got shot at, and isn’t that the important thing? Tim gets caught in the same ambush that Dick does in Nightwing 6; he just takes the glass-half-full attitude toward it while Dick takes the glass-half-empty attitude. And so on.

Tim admires Dick, looks up to him, trusts him, interprets his flaws generously, and doesn’t think he’s a failure. And... this isn't quite in the comics, but it doesn't contradict them: I like to imagine Dick feeling like he's on a pedestal, and feeling kinda uncomfortable with Tim's admiration when he's forced to realize it exists, and feeling like he doesn't deserve it, and sometimes subconsciously braced for the other shoe to drop, convinced that Tim can't possibly really think this forever, that he's deluded somehow, and that eventually Tim will realize who Dick really is and get disillusioned and leave.

And I tend to think of Dick having this problem a bit with everyone in his life who thinks highly of him, but especially with Tim, because he doesn't feel like Tim's ever needed him or that he's done anything worth Tim's admiration. I feel like Dick - despite some insecurities - does know his own worth as a team leader, and he knows he was a good partner to Bruce, and he understands when he's helping people who are clearly floundering, like Damian and Rose. But all he's ever done for Tim is...hang out, and be nice. And he doesn't think Tim ever needed fixing or saving, and he vastly underestimates both the value of his own friendship in general and how much it's meant to Tim in particular. Not all the time, because later in their relationship when they've known each other for years I do think Dick does feel a bit more secure in that friendship and entitled to make demands based on it (and vice versa, for Tim). But I do imagine Dick periodically feeling like Tim lets him off the hook too easily, and thinks more highly of him than he should, and alternating between being grateful for it and uncomfortable with it.

But I would argue that Dick does deserve Tim’s admiration!

Look, Dick's not a perfect person - no one is. He does screw up sometimes, and sometimes he's petty or jealous, and sometimes his temper gets the better of him. But he is pretty great! He's brave and thoughtful and kind and generous and caring. He takes his own grief and his own suffering and devotes himself to helping other people. And Tim sees that. Tim watches an orphaned kid crying on stage, and has nightmares about it - and later recognizes the hero in him. Tim stops Dick from beating the Joker to death, and he holds Dick back from strangling Hugo Strange, and he talks Dick down from two separate panic attacks, and he listens to Dick monologue about his various perceived failures, and he gets yelled at a lot when Dick's annoyed with him, and his takeaway from all of that is that he believes in Dick, and trusts Dick, and thinks he's a hero.

You could see that as Tim having him on a pedestal and refusing to acknowledge the ugly reality. But I tend to see it as Tim understanding that Dick's flaws and occasional missteps don't define who he is - the fact that Dick's human doesn't make him any less of a hero. Tim can see the hero that Dick can't always see in himself.

Dick and Tim have really high opinions of each other... for better or worse

Tim's not alone in having a high opinion of Dick - Dick thinks Tim's pretty great, too! Dick repeatedly compares himself to Tim and finds himself wanting, whether he's thinking that Tim's a better partner for Bruce, or having a fear toxin nightmare where Tim's a rival who's beating him out of a job, or deciding that Tim would never have let Blockbuster die (and that he'll be better off if Dick avoids him), or musing that Tim would be a better Batman. Dick calls Tim his equal and closest ally in Red Robin; Tim thinks Dick is "the best" in his origin story and basically never changes his mind.

I think nowadays we're sometimes pretty highly-attuned to the way that high expectations can be bad or oppressive, and... I have mixed feelings about this? On the one hand, it isn't untrue! Dick and Tim's mutual high opinions of each other, and correspondingly high expectations, are not an unmixed blessing! They 100% cause problems! Dick and Tim think highly of each other, and expect a lot from each other, and sometimes they're pushy or abrupt or demanding when they could stand to be more sensitive. And the iffy side of high expectations is something I find interesting, and I do think it's solidly canon-based - you see aspects of this in several of their comic conflicts - LPoD, Graduation Day, BftC, RR, etc.

But at the same time, it's complicated! I don't think you can fully untangle the higher expectations from "they rely on each other and have a lot of faith in each other." Love and trust are different things, and Dick and Tim care a whole lot about being trusted, not just about being loved.

I also think it's important that their belief in each other is often a gift rather than an inevitability: Dick and Tim choose to see each other in positive ways. Something they both do is after they have a conflict, they'll apply on a retrospective very positive gloss to whatever just happened. So e.g. Dick starts Resurrection mad at Tim, and ends it by declaring, "I let you make the choice... because I knew you'd make the right one." Tim spends most of Red Robin 1-12 mad at Dick, and ends it by declaring that he knew Dick would catch him because Dick's always there for him. And in both cases, we-the-readers are aware that they knew no such thing! But to me, that doesn't make these declarations meaningless - it makes them more meaningful. Their faith in each other is sometimes genuinely felt, and sometimes it's something they stubbornly brute-force into existence because they want to give that gift to each other.

And I mean... Tim did make the right choice. Dick was there when it really counted. Just because it isn't the whole truth doesn't mean it's not a truth.

Now, does this positivity also put some pressure on them? Absolutely! They're both people who are very upset by failure, so they tend to reassure each other by insisting that there was no failure, could never be failure, failure is impossible, even when they know perfectly well that's not true. They praise each other's skills as a love language, when what they mean is I love you no matter what. They talk about other people's needs but don't always acknowledge each other's. And it'd probably be healthier if they said instead, "Even if you'd made the wrong choice, it'd be okay, because it's okay to make the wrong choice sometimes," or "Even if you're not always there for me, that's okay, because no one can be there for someone else all the time."

And they do not say that, because Dick and Tim are relatively well-adjusted by Batfamily standards but that is a very low bar, and at the end of the day they're still deeply messed-up perfectionists who deal with their emotional problems by punching crime in the face.

But look, they're trying. And isn't that the important thing? <3

#dick 'imposter syndrome' grayson and tim 'dick grayson stan' drake #dick grayson #tim drake #dick & tim #ask tag #i rambled for a really long time anon <3 #it's complicated because i feel like mmmm the ''pedestal'' thing is obv true in some ways #but i think it also sometimes gets used in this kinda flanderized way #where it gets extrapolated into claims like ''older!tim is shocked to learn dick experiences normal human emotions' or w/e #and obv fandom is transformative and a rich tapestry etc but for me personally #part of what i LOVE about tim's introduction is that dick is in the middle of one of his very angsty eras #so tim's burst into his life being all ''hiiiiii!!! you're the best :)))))'' when dick is at peak ''i am gloomy and depressed''#that said tim's high opinion of dick is very canon and very compelling to me <3 #tim does think dick is the greatest thing ever!#but it's more like being a stan of his rather than being a distant stranger who doesn't know him at all #it's not that tim's unaware that dick gets angry/sad/etc or that dick and tim never have fights (they do!)#it's more that unless they're actively in the middle of a fight tim admires/loves dick a lot and is determined to think well of him #so he considers all of dick's strengths What's Important About Him and all of his flaws Basically A Rounding Error If You Think About It #and he doubles-down on this when someone's questioning it (including Dick)#there is definite motivated reasoning at play in Tim's view of Dick but imo it's not quite the same as a pedestal sdfdsfds #i'm not sure there's anything that Dick could do that Tim couldn't find a way to justify in his head how it was okay /#not really Dick / not really his fault / etc. - like if Dick went on a murder spree #Tim would be there making the big This Isn't You! I Know You Won't Kill Me Because I Believe In You! speech #and like. if he was wrong then he'd be dead sdfdsf but the thing is he'd have secret doubts and be wary AND STILL #find himself ultimately making that speech / taking the risk - and ditto for Dick toward Tim #it's not that they never get mad / distrust each other and it's not impossible they'd stay bitter and suspicious for a while #but in the END they both really really WANT to trust each other

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