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bowie-boy · 3 years

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please tell me how the narrator is a trans man

@originalpatrolsheep @undeadbreeze I’m @ing you here because I actually received this ask first!

FIGHT CLUB SPOILERS BELOW

Without further ado, here is my explanation as to how Fight Club is a trans metaphor!

The Narrator is a trans man

At the beginning of the film, the narrator is an insomniac and is wildly depressed. He can’t sleep. He starts visiting a center for men with testicular cancer. This is where he meets Bob, a man with no testicles and with breasts. Despite this, Bob is still seen as a man. It’s only in Bob’s arms that the Narrator, saying “We are still men,” can cry and therefore sleep. The Narrator feels gender euphoria when he is with Bob, a cis man with feminine features who is still considered male.

Everything changes when Marla Singer, a woman, begins to attend the same centers as the Narrator. It is only when she arrives that the Narrator feels like an impostor there and becomes hyperaware of his own lies amongst the people at the centers. Therefore, the Narrator cannot cry anymore and can no longer sleep. (In real life, some trans people may feel uncomfortable spending time with those that are the opposite gender as them for fear of being seen as part of that group and getting misgendered, which is partially what I believe spooks the Narrator here.)

Marla Singer represents the Narrator’s relationship with his own femininity, something he unwillingly ties to his dysphoria. Despite his love-hate relationship with her throughout the film, she remains one of his staunchest allies and is perhaps the only thing keeping him grounded in who he is and who he used to be throughout the film.

Shortly after meeting Marla, the Narrator meets (creates) Tyler Durden. Tyler describes himself to the Narrator later in the film: “All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look. I fuck like you wanna fuck. I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.” Trans much? Tyler Durden is the idealized cis man, the prototype for masculinity that everyone in society is fed at an early age. (These representations affect and even especially affect trans men.) Tyler is the standard that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia makes him feel like he must live up to, or else he isn’t a real man.

The Narrator’s relationship with Tyler eventually leads to the creation of Fight Club, a hub of toxic masculinity that attracts all sorts of men. All of them have one thing in common—they want to prove themselves. Tyler repeatedly says that the men in Fight Club are “the most manly men” he has ever seen, a wonderfully effective way for the Narrator to validate himself. What’s more, no women are allowed. The Narrator doesn’t have to face his own femininity in Fight Club, and he doesn’t have to face that side of his dysphoria.

It’s around this point in the movie that Tyler and Marla become involved in a sexual relationship. This is symbolic in itself in the sense that the Narrator’s internalized transphobia is “dominating” his femininity and dysphoria. Even more important is the fact that the Narrator can never see Tyler and Marla in the same room. This is because, to the Narrator, they cannot coexist. The Narrator can no longer comprehend his masculinity and his femininity coexisting in him. He can deal with one or the other at one time, but he forgets that he can have both at once. The Narrator himself believes that neither is taking over his life and neither is being lost. This is what ultimately leads to his downfall.

(This is a little unrelated but it’s important to note that the solution of Tyler and toxic masculinity never helps the Narrator sleep as well as the centers at the beginning of the film did. The Narrator learns that he was never sleeping when he was with Tyler, he was just taking on a new side of himself. Internalized transphobia also led the Narrator to self-harm in many ways (the chemical burn, the fighting, the car crash). Hypermasculinity was not a helpful solution.)

It’s at this point in the film that the ongoing symbol of testicles (I know it sounds silly but hear me out) shows up again. This time, testicles are not something trivial on a man that have nothing to do with his masculinity and maleness. They are used as a threat. Tyler and some members of his army meet up with an official in the city, someone who challenges their ability to destroy buildings and public works. Tyler makes the official an offer: he can save his city or he can save his balls. The official chooses the latter. This is incredibly telling, as the men the Narrator associated with at the beginning of the film had no choice but to remove their testicles. This didn’t make them any less manly in the eyes of the Narrator. Now, though, the Narrator’s own projected sense of internalized transphobia presents a strong message: testicles are important to your status as a man.

It’s shortly after this that the Narrator views Tyler Durden’s relationship with Angel Face, someone who can be described as nothing else but a pretty boy. Tyler, despite being the epitome of toxic and hypermasculinity, respects and adores the somewhat feminine Angel Face. How does the Narrator react? By beating Angel Face until he is bloody and fully disfigured. This represents the Narrator’s resentment of society’s treatment of trans men. The Narrator does not see himself in Angel Face the way that he once saw himself in Bob. He feels that cis men can easily balance femininity and masculinity, that these two things can coexist without an issue for them. For trans men, masculinity must win out, or else society (or at the very least internalized transphobia) will never accept them. Tyler drives the Narrator much harder than Angel Face with much less payoff, and so the Narrator must destroy Angel Face as revenge.

The Narrator seems to have everything he wants until Bob shows up in the film again. The Narrator asks Bob if he’s still attending the centers they met at, to which Bob replies no—he’s now joined Fight Club. At first, this is validating for the Narrator. Bob is feminine still, with no testicles and large breasts, but he’s still considered man enough for Fight Club. The Narrator more or less lets Tyler (AKA unchecked toxic masculinity) do what he likes with Bob. This ends with Bob getting killed. In fact, Bob’s brains are blown out as he tries to follow one of Tyler’s orders. Bob represented a chance at normalcy for the Narrator, proof that men with breasts and without balls were worth just as much as other men. But Bob dies at the hands of the Narrator’s toxic masculinity, and it is this event that leads the Narrator to realize just how much he’s lost to his own feelings of inadequacy.

It’s at this point that the Narrator starts to question his toxic masculinity and his internalized transphobia. He realizes that he’s no longer even himself anymore, just a copy-and-pasted blueprint of the man society has told him that he should be. He can’t recognize himself anymore, can’t keep track of what he really feels and what he only tries to, and he realizes that he needs to end his hypermasculinity before it’s too late.

There’s only one person the Narrator can turn to to get his old self back: Marla. He visits her, apologizing for his behavior towards her. He even tells her that deep down, he really really likes her. This is a big moment for the Narrator. He admits here that his feminine side isn’t something he despises, but rather something he fears getting close to. The other important thing is that Tyler, who was once sleeping with Marla and deeply invested in her, now views her as a threat. The Narrator’s femininity threatens to overtake his masculinity, his dysphoria and euphoria threaten to overrule his internalized masculinity. Tyler wants to destroy Marla, and the Narrator wants to protect her.

For the last time in this film, the symbol of testicles appears. This solidifies how far the Narrator has fallen, how deeply he’s lost himself to self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy. Upon trying to destroy Tyler’s plan, Tyler’s army of men turns on the Narrator and tells him they’re going to cut off his balls. To them and to Tyler, this represents that the Narrator has turned against his brothers, his maleness. The loss of his testicles will show this to everyone. The Narrator, horrified, manages to escape this fate, but without his pants. He spends the final act in his underwear, somewhat symbolic of the trans body he’s worked so hard to achieve and has spent so much of the film despising.

At last, the final fight of the film. The Narrator faces off with Tyler, and must attempt to regain control of his own head. The Narrator struggles at first, unable to accept the fact that him and his internalized transphobia are one in the same, and that he has the power to overrule it. Finally giving into himself, the consequences of his actions, and the messiness of gender and his own expression as a human being, the Narrator takes control and shoots himself. With this, Tyler dies, and so does the Narrator’s internalized transphobia. His toxic masculinity is no more. He’s given himself permission to display his masculinity as much as he wants, and in any way he wants. Internalized transphobia has power over him no more.

Marla then enters the room. She expresses concern for him, the simple Narrator she met at the beginning of the film now so torn up and injured. This is representative of the Narrator’s past pre-transition self looking at his most transitioned self. He’s bruised and broken, a lot different than before. But he insists that he’s okay, and he truly means it. The Narrator is now more himself than ever. It’s in this confidence that the Narrator’s takes Marla’s hand, finally accepting his own femininity, dysphoria, and the full scope of his gender expression. “You met me at a very strange time in my life.”

In a final image, the buildings all around the Narrator and Marla explode and collapse, leaving nothing behind. The Narrator could not stop this total destruction. But the film does not make this a sad moment. It’s rather somewhat wistful, perhaps even hopeful. The Narrator had to destroy himself in order to be reborn as his full and true self. A rebirth. Isn’t that was being trans is?

Thank you for the ask! I hope you enjoy my analysis :)

#sorry this is so long #jack’s posts #fight club #trans #film analysis #the narrator #tyler durden #marla singer #asks #asks and answers #send asks #long post #i didn’t edit anything sorry if this is incomprehensible

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jihyuncompass · 4 years

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ADHD Seven/Saeyoung Headcanons

Okay so as a person with ADHD I’m a heavy believer that Seven has ADHD. So I decided to write some headcanons about it.

As a disclaimer I am a person with ADHD so a lot of these are drawing from my own experiences with dealing with it but ADHD is an extremely complex neurodevelopmental disorder with a lot of symptoms and behaviors, so many that I can’t include them all here.

Seven/Saeyoung

Seven wasn’t diagnosed until he joined the agency.

Seven mostly deals with a combination of hyperactive and inattentive type, however his hyperactive symptoms are much more obvious to people.

Seven has a prescription for meds, but he’s really bad at remembering to take them. He tries to keep the bottle on his desk to remember to take them when he sits down to work but he usually forgets.

As a kid Seven had a hyperfixation on computers, which is how he learned to hack so quickly. He would lose himself for hours just learning about how they work.

Some of that still lingers but he hyperfixates on electronics and tech as a whole now.

This is partially why he has so many strange inventions littered around the bunker. Many started as brief ideas that his mind went wild with leaving him hyperfocused on creating that idea.

However for every finished invention there’s about 3-4 unfinished ones. Projects he lost interest in or stopped being fun enough for him. And unfortunately once he loses interest he rarely gets it back.

He drinks Dr. Pepper partially because it tastes good but the caffeine actually helps his mind settle and makes it easier for him to focus on his work. He depends more on caffeine then his own meds tbh.

Part of the reason he mostly eats HBC is not only because they taste good but often times cooking is hard for him. Almost everything takes too long, takes too much energy to make, or is too confusing. He also once almost burned down his bunker after leaving the stove on trying to make noodles after he got distracted. He won’t admit it but that moment was kind of traumatizing.

As annoying as they may be, Vanderwood is actually a huge help for him. Getting anything done without an external motivation is nearly impossible. They may be harsh about it but Vanderwood’s pressure actually helps him focus a lot better.

Unfortunately his ADHD also makes him a bit oppositional defiant so yeah he’ll do the work, but he might be a pain about it.

Seven struggles with some sensory issues, things like noise and touch are especially sensitive for him.

Big hoodie and headphones? ADHD sensory saviors honestly.

Sleep is also a huge issue for him. He’s almost never tired at night and even when he is he finds it impossible to actually fall asleep. He relies on melatonin supplements to get himself to sleep.

Other times he just falls asleep when his body physically gives up. This is usually at his desk or on the couch, it’s not very restful sleep but it’s what his body needs.

Socially Seven has a difficult time. On top of having ADHD he also didn’t exactly socialize a lot of a child so he missed learning a lot of the social cues and expectations that most people learn as children.

He’s also rather impulsive in the way he speaks, he blurts out things and goes on long unrelated tangents. If you think it’s bad in the chatroom its even more intense in person.

Seven is more than aware of how impulsive he can be while speaking, He tends to agonize after conversations about things he said. He would never let people in on that though.

He leans heavily into the quirky, aloof 707 personality for this reason. He knows he’s socially awkward and doesn’t always say the right things so he acts as this sort of cartoonish caricature of himself he’s created.

Although Seven tries to hide it he cares a lot about what people think of him. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a huge hidden aspect of ADHD and he can’t stand the thought of people rejecting him, or even disliking him.

It’s why he always listens and follows what V asks of him. Seven deeply cares about what V thinks of him. And considering V’s the only older male figure in his life he actually trusts wholeheartedly? The thought of V being disappointed in him is debilitating.

It was similar with Rika too, Seven didn’t think it was a good idea to install a bomb in the apartment. He couldn’t think of a single reason why that could be a good idea, but he’s petrified of the idea of her being unhappy with him.

To end on a light note, Seven is the living embodiment of that one vine.

“Got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome yesterday, so now I take ~adderall~ haHA”

#mystic messenger #mysme #707 #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #mysme seven #This ended up being WAY longer than I thought #I still even have more ideas but this post was FAR too long already #I'm very passionate about this obviously #I officially declare myself CEO of ADHD saeyoung #my writing

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willowashmaple · 3 years

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my journey out of ‘sisterhood,’ three years on.

Almost two years ago, I wrote a rather lengthy critique of women’s movement and spaces, the female lifestyle empowerment brands, and feminism in general, closing it with this sentence: “No thanks. Count me out of your so-called sisterhood. I’m not interested in your culturally-appropriated ‘goddess’ circles and self-exalting ‘rituals.’ I’m not one of you.”

The gist of it, the tl;dr version is this:

People are divided more by race and class than being united by the biological accident of sex.

Much of what passes for feminism promotes a fantasy of a “global sisterhood” which sugarcoats the insidious problems that keep the affluent white women in the Global North in their positions of privilege while maintaining the oppressive system that dehumanizes and marginalizes the others.

The female lifestyle empowerment subculture, a multi-billion-dollar industry consisting of self-appointed coaches, spiritual teachers, practitioners, influencers, and businesses, capitalizes on cultural appropriation, ableism, classism, and reinforcement of a heteronormative and sexist gender stereotyping, while their fantasy of “the sisterhood” absolves all females of responsibilities and criticism.

Then I concluded, “About a year ago [2018], I made a conscious decision to remove myself from all women-only groups and organizations that I was part of. This was a difficult decision that I did not make lightly, and to a degree, a painful choice because I was part of them for the majority of my adult life. I made quite a few friends through such groups, and at times, they were the only social outlet that I had. But I could no longer keep participating in women-only spaces with a good conscience.”

I wrote this, at the time, in a more or less political language heavy on theories and critique of praxis. I did not, however, discuss what has been going on in my own life personally as it was not my intention or focus at the time.

During much of the previous decade [2010s], I was involved with several women-only organizing spaces -- many of them political, several of them religious. I used to think of myself as a feminist and I uncritically subscribed to the notion of “sisterhood” and all the emotional stuff that came with it. The more I spent time with them the more I found myself increasingly frustrated and ultimately had an awakening: I could not at all relate to women, or their experiences, or their emotions -- what the fuck was I doing.

Partially out of disillusionment, and partly out of disgust and anger, I decided about three years ago that I am nonbinary and therefore free from all that shit.

What I did not understand back then, however, was how neurodivergence informs and shapes who I am far more profoundly than I knew at the time.

Three years ago, I was falsely led to believe in the now largely debunked hypothesis by British neurologist Simon Baron Cohen (a relative of Sacha Baron Cohen, by the way) that autism is a product of an “extreme male brain.”

Maybe that’s why I could not relate to women, I concluded then, and basically gave up on feminism and myself alike.

But that didn’t exactly mean I could understand or relate to men, either. If I were, probably I could’ve felt right at home in the company of “extreme males” (imagine Proud Boys and the likes).

Since then, my understanding of neurodiversity has deepened, thanks to the increased interaction with other autistic people of all genders and sexualities.

I’ve learned that autistic folks generally communicate well with one another and can relate to one another, in the same way how neurotypical folks do among themselves (the phenomenon known as “double empathy”). As I look back, some of the most enjoyable and memorable moments were when I spent time with another autistic individual (even though at the time I was in deep denial about it).

Another thing I have learned since then was there is a huge proportion of the autistic community that exist outside the gender binary (in addition to the disproportionately high percentage of the autistic community that is also LGBTQ+ in comparison with the neurotypical population). Because the lived neurodivergent experiences generally do not align well with the conventional social construct of binary gender and heteronormative ideas of sexuality, there is even a word for it: gendervague, likely coined by activist and lawyer Lydia X. Z. Brown.

Not knowing these, I had beaten myself up rather severely for a couple of years because I felt like such a freak and failed human being. I was nonbinary not because I was proud of it but rather as a consolation prize of a sort. I was having a combination of self-loathing, identity crisis, enormous dysphoria, shame, and regret. Combined with the massive autistic burnout that I was experiencing for unrelated reasons (and exacerbated by four years of President Trump Stress Disorder!), I became depressed, anxious, and withdrawn in a way I hadn’t been in many years.

This also made me aware of how -- between all the misinformation and outright hate speech about neurodivergence, and my excessive exposure to peddlers of the self-improvement industry -- internalized ableism is extremely harmful, just as internalized racism and homophobia are.

#neurodivergencies #neurodiversity #internalized self hatred #internalized ableism #ableism #being autistic #autistic life #actuallyautistic #identity crisis #nonbinary #double empathy #mental health #self healing #self care #autistic burnout #feminism #female lifestyle empowerment brand #autistic experiences

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bisexualpositivity · 4 years

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Im having a hard time with my gender identity I use she/her pronouns but I wouldn’t mind using they/them or any pronouns I also don’t like being called sis or ma’am it makes me uncomfortable idk why any advice or blog suggestions?

short answer: there’s not really any one gender I can point you to, but it sounds like you might be nonbinary! the best course of action is to seek out resources for questioning trans and nonbinary people, and maybe even talking to a few individuals about their personal experiences one-on-one.

long answer: there are a LOT of nonbinary genders that might fit you better than ‘binary man’ or ‘binary woman’. being called “sis” or “ma’am” can be uncomfortable for reasons unrelated to being nonbinary (e.g. “ma’am” is usually an indicator of age, and “sis” can often feel a little too familiar), but not many cis women are a) uncomfortable with being called “ma’am” and “sis” AND b) comfortable with using both she/her and they/them pronouns.

remember, though--pronouns don’t equal gender. yes, she/her has a feminine connotation, and he/him has a masculine connotation, and yes, those connotations can cause dysphoria in some people, but you can’t tell if someone is sometimes and/or partially a woman just because they’re okay with being called she/her, and vice versa.

#asks #anons #mod jinx 🔮#questioning advice

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antagonist-chan · 6 years

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oh yeah i have a real bad cold so i am very out of it

i have also given up on being productive for today

partially because it’s a lost cause

and partially because even trying would probably make things worse

now i haven’t COMPLETELY given up

because i am still trying to work on school

i’ve just briefly given up on keeping up my routine, doing art things, and working on antagonist gets her shit together: the movie

PS, on a completely unrelated note, i am becoming more and more dedicated to my transition??? there are two things that for years i thought i didn’t wanna do but am finding myself more and more open to the idea of doing

those two things are changing my name (to emily) and undergoing hormone therapy

in the case of changing my name, i don’t feel particularly dysphoric about “adrian”, but emily DOES make me feel euphoric. enough to overcome dysphoria in certain situations. like, i’ve been naming my player characters in games “emily” for a while, esp. when “emily” really is supposed to be me, and it. helps with certain things. there’s a game i started playing yesterday (not gonna name it, i don’t really encourage playing it and i don’t think i’m gonna play much longer) that constantly misgenders me but it doesn’t sting as much since i named my character emily.

in the case of hormone therapy, there are two things that make me super dysphoric- my facial hair and my voice- that i’ve been trying to deal with through non-medical means, but i am just. not getting very far. i shave literally every sunday, monday, wednesday, and friday, and i’ve done a lot of research on how to shave “right”, but i still have a facial hair problem. i’m sick of it. so god damn sick. and voice training isn’t doing much better.

now neither of these is decided yet. changing my name would be a MASSIVE legal pain in the ass, i still need to do more research on hormones, and i don’t wanna start hormones until i’ve changed doctors because i don’t really feel safe coming out to my doctor. not feeling safe coming out to my doctor also impacts the “changing my name” thing. i’d also almost certainly have to come out of the closet to certain conservative family members of mine and i. really don’t wanna do that.

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cassolotl · 7 years

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Gender and sex are [not] different

Content note: Article refers to transphobia, TERFs, sex essentialism.

I have recently seen nonbinary people, even high-profile nonbinary people like Asia Kate Dillon, saying that gender and sex are different. This is bothering me a lot, for reasons I’ve struggled to articulate, but I’m gonna try anyway damnit.

Disclaimer: This is just the way I see things. I’ll back up my assertions where I can, but please do understand that I am the internet equivalent of some dude you met in the pub last week.

AN OVERVIEW / SOME CONTEXT

Sex and gender are both social constructs, which basically means they’re ideas that humans created. A penis is just a penis, but only a human would say that a penis (or a person with a penis) is inherently male.

The definitions of sex and gender are broadly agreed to be subtly different: sex is purely anatomical, whereas gender is an experience, a combination of physical, behavioural and psychological things that no one is really able to pin down.

I live in the UK, and here there is no legal difference between sex and gender.

The “sex” marker on your birth certificate can be changed with a gender recognition certificate (hormones and surgery not compulsory), and birth certificates are not connected to medical records at all. Getting that sex marker changed is very difficult and expensive.

You can legally have a different gender or sex marker on all your state-issued IDs and at most it’ll cause some bureaucratic confusion.

You can put any title on any record and some people will probably frown at you if you put Mrs if you’re an unmarried person but those people are legally speaking in the wrong.

Basically anything is legal as long as you’re not doing it to deceive or commit fraud, and the Gender Recognition Panel is way outdated and about to be dismantled anyway.

To put it another way, what the UK calls “legal sex” is actually just legal gender, misnamed. Even the sex marker on medical records is a gender marker misnamed.

To add to the confusion, linguistically speaking sex and gender are generally described in the same way - because until very recently, English-speakers have largely been unable to change their bodies and therefore unable to change the way the world treats them. Words like “female” can describe someone’s body and/or someone’s gender, while also describing the reproductive capacity of non-human lifeforms, the shape of the connecting end of a computer cable...

Because of the body/mind distinction, people who say that only we can define our genders will often comfortably say that sex can be objectively determined by an educated professional.

Doctors generally agree that sex is defined by:

the number and type of sex chromosomes;

the type of gonads—ovaries or testicles;

the sex hormones;

the internal reproductive anatomy (such as the uterus in females); and

the external genitalia.

Since finding out someone’s sex chromosomes takes months and is very expensive and largely unnecessary for most people, unless your doctor has found a pressing reason to test your chromosomes (such as signs that you may be intersex and it may affect your physical health in some way), you do not know your own sex. Yes, you. You have, at least, a (probably but not necessarily accurate) guess based on the information you have unequivocal access to: external genitalia.

This blog post assumes that misgendering people is harmful. It may not harm everyone, but it harms enough people that it’s a good idea to behave in a way that prevents that harm.

SEX AND GENDER ARE THE SAME

1: Sex --> gender

The idea that gender is defined by sex is an obvious wrong thing, so it seems like a good place to start. That’s the idea that your gender comes from your body. If you were born with a penis and testicles, you are a man, whether you like it or not.

Who does it: Some people (eg: TERFs) say that hormones and surgery simply “mask” your “true” sex/gender, and you can’t change your chromosomes or the way you were born. Some people (eg: some outdated gender recognition systems) say that your body must be changed in order to change your gender.

Why it’s harmful: It sucks for trans people. Either you can never be correctly gendered by other people, even when you pass, or you can only be correctly gendered by other people once someone has inspected your genitals or judged your facial hair or whatever.

What to do instead: Don’t say that gender is irrevocably tied to one’s body. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their gender is.

2: Gender --> sex

Who does it: If you’re on Tumblr you’ve probably read blog posts that say things like “I am female, therefore my penis is female.” A lot of us feel this way about our own bodies, and taking ownership of the language used to describe your body is a very positive thing. In the UK it’s supported by the medical system, which lets you change the gender/sex marker on your medical records just by asking the receptionist.

Why it’s harmful: It’s not - unless you start to impose it on others. It’s not universal. Some of us strongly feel and identify with the sex of the body; for example, Asia Kate Dillon is nonbinary but strongly identifies their body as female.

And then there’s Big Freedia, who says she’s a man because she has a man’s body. Her name and pronouns and presentation, everything that we use as gender cues, are decidedly feminine - but she is very open about her body being male.

What to do instead: Don’t assume stuff about people’s bodies or the language they use to talk about their bodies based on their gender, pronouns, presentation, etc. Don’t say that in general, for example, a body is female if it belongs to a woman. Respect everyone’s right to bodily privacy. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their sex is. But like, don’t ask, okay? Don’t even hint. It is none of your business.

SEX AND GENDER ARE UNCONNECTED

This is the one that’s been bugging me lately.

Who does it: I’ve seen nonbinary people go out of their way to correct people who equate gender and sex (or man and male, woman and female), and in doing so they state that sex and gender are never connected.

And it’s understandable! The idea that someone can be born in the wrong body has been central to the campaign of visibility and understanding aimed at cisgender people for quite a long time now. It counters the idea above, that sex defines gender, that has been socially prevalent for basically all of living ciscentric memory. A lot of us probably learned about what being transgender is by hearing the idea that your mind can be one gender while your body is another, and said, “damn, that could explain a lot for me.”

Asia Kate Dillon takes this to an extreme. I mentioned above that their gender is nonbinary and their sex is female, but they have also stated that sex and gender are entirely unconnected, for everyone. They insist that male and female are words used to describe sex only, and that it harms them when trans women call themselves female. They said that sex is defined by those five characteristics I listed in the overview, and if any of those characteristics doesn’t match the others then your body stops being male or female at all; a person who’s had a hysterectomy can no longer be called female in terms of sex.

Why it’s harmful: When people say to a trans person, “well you might be a man but your body is not male,” they are implying that someone’s biology would be relevant to anyone but themself, the people they may be physically intimate with, and maybe their doctor. On this level alone it’s personally very intrusive, in a way that no cis person would have to tolerate.

On a practical level, it allows people to exclude trans people from gendered spaces in which they belong on the basis of aspects of their body that may never even be visible, because their body is somehow more relevant (to gendered spaces like toilets and changing rooms) than who they are, and cis people can’t possibly cope.

There are two common excuses for excluding trans people from these spaces.

Random cisgender humans will accidentally see a weird body and be needlessly alarmed or frightened. (Frankly, not our problem?)

Some people are incurably violent or harmful because of their bodies; even someone seeing their bodies may cause harm. (That’s, at very generous best, insulting. In reality, if you are perceived as a serious threat when you walk into a room you become a target.)

What to do instead: Don’t make sweeping statements like “trans people were born in the wrong body” or “gender and sex are different and unrelated.” Support and respect people when they tell you about their own experiences of their body and gender. Encourage cisgender people to take responsibility for their emotional issues, improve and increase resources for victims of sexual violence, advocate for partially gender-neutralising spaces, and welcome trans people into gendered spaces where possible - and it almost always is possible.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS

Always respect people’s right to bodily privacy. Always.

If you feel like your sex is defined by your gender then great but it’s not true for every trans and/or nonbinary person. Similarly, if you feel that your gender and sex are independent of each other then that’s fine but don’t impose that on other people.

Barring unusual phobias, there is no need to ever consider the impact of someone’s sex on you personally. Unless you’re a doctor or you’re about to have sex or something.

In reality, there is a relationship between one’s body and one’s gender for a lot of people, otherwise gender dysphoria wouldn’t be a thing. What the connection is we may never fully understand, but that doesn’t matter. There is a connection for many people and it feels different for everyone, and that needs to be acknowledged and respected. At the same time, for many people there is no apparent connection between their gender and their body, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be one or that deep down everyone else is just wrong about themselves.

Gender and sex are complex individually, and their relationship to each other is complex too. Trying to logic it and sort it into boxes and make a flow chart of it just isn’t going to work. We can stop trying to teach each other, and start supporting each other instead.

#original posts #my words #gender #trans #nonbinary

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