#is in any way an autism thing. however it is certainly a difficulty I have beyond what's ''typical''
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Pathologizing autism
There is something rotten about the way society talks about autism. In short, people pathologize what we do. They call it sick because we do it.
Here is a list of eight characteristics from a Dutch psychological education platform. A serious, government-sponsored one too.
little reciprocity
trouble with non-verbal communication
taking things literally
difficulty maintaining reliationships
sticking to routines
difficulty with changes
rigid in thinking and conduct
oversensitive to stimuli
So what's wrong?
All of these are true, for some value of true.
The problem is in the way these are phrased and certainly in the way only negative terms are used to describe how we live.
little reciprocity
Have they ever witnessed two autistics rapidly and happily talking through some subject in minute and interconnected detail? It is glorious to behold and heady to be part of.
A realistic view, now supported by actual research, is that ND-ND pairs easily create rapport, just like NT-NT pairs do.
There is often little reciprocity among NT-ND pairs because the NT part will demand adherence to their own mode of communicating and if their needs aren't met, talking will break down. For a minor rant with some more detail see And they call us rigid. Also see below.
trouble with non- verbal communication
Why should 70%-93% be non-verbal? This is common with NT people and they are 44 in 45 humans or thereabouts but these people are apparently very flexible and good with change. Is it such a sacrifice to listen to the actual words at times in order to help us?
Isn't it entirely understandable that I don't catch sarcasm when someone else matches their body language to their phrasing and only afterwards bursts out laughing and claims it was sarcasm? By the way, some people have a nasty habit of saying impolite or harsh stuff and then when you react negatively claiming it was a joke all along and claiming you just didn't get it.
Isn't it necessary to talk about the staggering amount of misunderstanding that NT's suffer from among themselves? They can't reliably read the inner workings of others' minds from their faces, stance and gestures. They just think they can. It is in that erroneous notion that arguments and even entire feuds start. All without an autistic necessarily even being nearby.
taking things literally
This is not something autistics do or at least not in the way people picture it. I have never met anyone who honestly thought 'laughing your head off' actually means laughing so hard that your head spontaneously separates from your neck.
Now that I come to think about this.. it is a rather grisly metaphor. I am no specialist in this area but I suppose even after snapping the spine, tearing the many muscles and other fibers that attach the head to the body would take an impressive amount of force. It could of course be sliced off but that isn't naturally part of the metaphor. See, that is what thinking literally can be like.
ANYWAY, it is more healthy and social to realise that people tend to take eachother literally when understanding breaks down. This is easier to understand when you picture just barely speaking another language and trying to speak it on holiday. You won't get any of the idiom, very few of the cultural references and so on. So .. you take literally what you do understand. See Taking things literally.
Autistics have a different Theory of Mind and communicate differently, build up understanding bottom-up where allistics understand top-down and looking far more for the facts of any matter than its social dimensions. All of that makes it very easy to misunderstand and so we take things literally. There is nothing else left. The allistic blithely assumes they're normal and in the right. It is however fairly cruel to scold someone for taking your words literally when it is the very last tool they have. It is like kicking a puppy.
difficulty maintaining relationships
Lots of people have difficulty maintaining reliationships. This is not a core characteristic of autism but a result of various complications. You might as well claim that autistics have trouble holding on to a job or have trouble being represented on forums that talk about us.
A relationships needs at its very essence mutuality. Even in very imbalanced powered-up relationships like you see in employment there is a tacit understanding that both parties stick to the (unwritten) social rules. Since autistics don't do authority well, especially if it is not based on actual merit or at least a decent explanation, professional relationships easily break down.
Friendships also need mutuality but more in the sense that both friends understand what the other would take from the relationship and are okay with that.
sticking to routines
This one is primarily true but it is not essential. Underneath the hood, by far most autistics need the world to be understandable and predictable. This we share with allistics. It is the very reason that fantasy exists as the Ur-literature. Almost all humans prefer living in a world that is somehow ordered and just. As Terry Pratchett explained it, children already know that dragons exist but fairy tales allow them to believe that dragons can be killed.
The routines and their importance to us are, again, a result and not some core trait. We don't stick to routines because we are somehow 'routinessent'. It is outward conduct and I find it notable that allistic understanding of how we are once again looks at the surface and no further.
difficulty with changes
This one, in my personal opinion, has a lot to do with the excruciating speed with which allistics can implement changes without any explanation provided. They just assume that because everything is clear in their own heads, this must somehow be true of the world. Others can either keep up or be scolded.
Is it really too much trouble to stand still for a few seconds, ask someone if it is okay to change an agreed upon plan on a whim and wait for an answer?
Let us note that allistics can be sticklers for their own plans. That plan might include any number of steps and modes of action but the plan to them is most often sacrosanct. It is us auti's that are positively used to being talked over, forced to change our prediction of the near future and just having to keep up or get lost.
rigid in thinking and conduct
Any allistic who actually does act or think rigidly will call themselves straightforward or consistent. Maybe both. It is only when an autistic person sticks to a line of reasoning or way of doing something that it gets called rigid.
Autistics often enough think far more logically then the average allistic is willing to do, most probably because they tend to see social intersections as always an important part of any situation.
Another important part of this sorry mess is that autistic children and (young) adults are often taught by rote memorization. If you tell an auti-kid that they should always be honest and forthright then by Jove they will do so. If the poor kid then says something a parent finds awkward or embarrassing, they'll react with something like 'Stop! Why are you doing that?! Never do that again!!" So the kid remembers: be honest and forthright and shut up. And so on and so forth.
When an autistic doesn't understand something, anything really, then it is usually attributed to the autism. "Oh, he doesn't understand. He has that disorder." However, if an allistic doesn't understand one of us, we should learn to communicate more clearly.
The social world is complicated for us and far too many autistics have been and are being beaten into epistemic submission. The result is fawning behaviour, desperately trying to act correctly. The only tool left then is to learn it all by heart and that results in rigid behaviour.
This is not an autistic trait. It is autistic trauma.
oversensitive to stimuli
This one is more or less true, of many autistics. There is a tremendous variety within the spectrum, though. One autistic may not have sensory issues at all, others will just be overstimulated by one sense, others by several senses and a few really can't deal with any stimulus without discomfort.
However, we can again ask why the social spaces that we do move in absolutely have to be so bright and so loud. In actual fact, I believe that the mere intensity of some stimulus is often enough not the main problem. I listen to very loud music at times and enjoy it very much. However, having to listen to four different conversations at once is very quickly painful for me, even if they aren't all that loud. Asking too much of our ability to process in real-time seems to me to be the primary concern when it comes to stimuli.
Why do stores positively have to pump music from speakers? All I came to do was get groceries. Or a pair of trousers. Why do stores have to be lit so very brightly? I am thinking of starting a low-stimulus hour campaign in my town. It would help far more than calling a sensitivity autistic.
Isn't this the central theme of talking about characteristics? Any actual ally would always at least try to understand and accomodate, not use autism as an explanation and be done with it.
#autism#actuallyautistic#autistic adult#asd#autistic spectrum#late diagnosed autistic#autistic community#autistic pride#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#autistic feels
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Ramble of the month April 2023: Autism Month Ramble on Education
For the second time since I started doing these monthly rambles, Autism Awareness Month is upon us. This year, the month is a bit special because while I was basically diagnosed by education professionals as a child, it’s only just now that I’ve got a formal autism diagnosis via the NHS, though that process is still on-going until I get any post saying no more appointments, etc.
Last year when I did something about autism, I focused on relationships. This year, I’m going to instead look at education because I know it’s a very hot-button topic for a lot of parents and families, and subject to regular press scrutiny as well. Now because my day job happens to relate to SEN education, I’m going to try and tread very carefully here, as I don’t want to say anything that would reflect poorly on that day job in any way. However, much like last year’s article, most of this content comes from a book on autism that I’ve been writing, drafts of which have been read by people I trust from work, and I’ve not received any adverse feedback on it previously.
Nonetheless, just as a bit of clarification, what I’m writing here is very much going to be based on me as a private autistic individual. Nothing I say here should be in any way taken as a reflection on my day job, and if anyone does, that’s your mistake, and I bear no responsibility for it. Also, some aspects of this will touch on my views regarding adult intervention in the lives of all young people and will be intended to take a pro-LGBTQ+ stance. No offense is intended in anything I say, but if you take anything pro-LGBTQ+ as offensive, I recommend you stop reading now. For those carrying on, remember, I’m ok with constructive criticism, but I have no tolerance for bullying/trolling/abuse of any kind, so remember to keep any feedback civil, or otherwise please just refrain from commenting.
Now, as ever when I talk about autism, I always like to go over the basics of what autism is, how it can affect people who are autistic, and so on. First, autism is one of a number of conditions that falls under the umbrella of neurodiversity, which is a term used to describe the idea that there is more than one valid way for human minds and brains to function. Because these conditions result in deficits in certain skills and areas of learning, they’re often categorised as a form of disability or mental ill health, but in truth they are neither. I use the term ‘differently abled’ to describe myself because I can do most things non-autistics can; I just have to do them very differently in some cases. Likewise, autism is not a mental illness; it’s simply a different version of mental fitness, though we can still be affected by mental illness in ways similar to non-autistic people.
As to what causes autism, all anyone really knows is that people who are autistic are born that way. It’s not the result of vaccines, and as I noted last year, I view the claim that vaccines cause autism as a form of anti-autistic hate speech which should be criminalised accordingly. It’s also not the result of bad parenting or a lack of discipline, and while many autistics are prone to incidents of meltdown, these outbursts do not stem from aggressive or malicious personalities. Autistic people are on one “mental wave-length”, everyone else is on another such “wave-length”, and the frustration and friction between the two leads to incidents of meltdown.
Now let’s consider the traits of autism. Primarily, autism is defined by social skill deficits that fall into the three areas of what is known as the ‘Triad of Impairment’. If someone has traits within all three areas of the triad, as well as the other associated traits of autism, then they are almost certainly autistic. The first area of difficulty is Social Communication, which deals with how people put across what they want to say and the social skills linked to that. Second is Social Interaction, which are all the social skills you need to accurately interpret what others say to you. Third is Social Imagination, which is the aspect of social skills linked with your ability to anticipate how others may react to your words and actions.
The impairments in these areas seem to stem primarily from the fact that the mind of an autistic person doesn’t learn social skills automatically through observation and interpretation as non-autistics do. In effect, the “social skill auto-pilot” present in neurotypical minds is not present for autistic people, and we have to learn social skills through explicit, direct instruction and implement them in the same way. This also gives us a very literal mindset, making us prone to missing the point of jokes, or perhaps not even recognising where a joke has been told. Likewise, figures of speech and metaphor can be a major challenge for us (like Drax from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but less stupid).
Other autistic traits include a high need for predictability to offset how confusing we find the world around us. Routine and advance knowledge of any major changes that we might find disruptive are two ways this need can be met, but a third that is highly unique to autistics is the concept of special interests. This can be anything we develop an interest in that we find predictable, and because predictability is vital to our mental well-being, special interests occupy a lot of our minds at any given time. For this reason, such interests can be mistaken for obsessions, but obsessions are ultimately joyless where special interests are highly enjoyable to us. Some also mistake them for hobbies, but that’s too casual a label given the role they play for autistic people.
The last couple of traits to go over are sensory issues and coinciding special needs. The first stems from the altered brain chemistry that results in autism, or such was the case last I heard, and causes senses to either be ramped up (hyper-sensitive) or ramped down (hypo-sensitive). These can result in behaviours known as “stimming”, which as I understand it is seeking a specific sensory experience as a way to calm down, though to be honest it’s one trait of autism I don’t think I’ve ever shown myself. As such, I’m not sure if it’s because it’s down to specific sensory needs (I’m a hearing-and-taste hyper-sensitive) or where someone is on the autistic spectrum. There’s also a general processing delay in terms of how long autistic people take to process new information, so at times we might seem a bit slow in our reactions to things, and can easily be flustered by the new and the unexpected; another reason for our dependence on predictability.
The final trait, that of coinciding special needs, means just that. Autistic people are very rarely just autistic. Many have other needs, though what these are vary quite widely. Some can have ADHD, be dyslexic, have major sensory impairments, and so on. In this respect, I’ve been sort of lucky in that my other special needs are a general impairment of my hand-eye co-ordination and gross motor skills. Granted, that almost certainly doesn’t combine well with my sensory processing delay, but at least it’s otherwise separate and distinct from my autism.
Now a moment ago I mentioned the concept of the autistic spectrum. Autism is a very varied form of neurodiversity, and when I used to give talks on the subject, a frequent phrase that came up at the talks was “when you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” Even looking at the handful of autistic people I was a part of when delivering those talks, that phrase is easily understood as true. However, the spectrum model of “high-to-low functioning” is often misinterpreted as being a sliding scale of autistic severity. This is totally untrue; a supposedly “high-functioning” autistic like myself can have needs just as profound as those of a “low-functioning” autistic.
To my mind, the misinterpretation stems from what are known as masking behaviours. These are any behaviours that effectively conceal autistic traits from being observed by mimicking neurotypical behaviours, and are the key reason why autism is often labelled a ‘hidden disability’. While the second part of that label is wrong for most people, the first part certainly explains why some autistic people are not diagnosed sooner in life, and I believe it accounts for the illusion of a functionality scale. In essence, so-called “high-functioning” autistics have very effective masking abilities, while “low-functioning” autistics are simply not capable of or interested in using these behaviours. As such, terms like “high-masking”, “heavy-masking”, “low-masking” or “light-masking” would make better sense of the spectrum concept. Also, the spectrum does not run all the way to neurotypical. Autistic people can be anywhere on the autistic spectrum, but neurotypical people aren’t on it, ever.
Having covered all this information on autism, I’m sure you can probably understand the kinds of difficulties autistic children would have in education settings, especially if they lack for anything official that declares their autism to education professionals. A literal understanding of language, for example, might make them prone to misinterpreting instructions, and while a subject playing to their special interests will see them do well, getting them to focus and achieve in other subject areas could be more challenging, especially if it’s anything new or outside of their routine. With diagnosis, some of these difficulties can be compensated for, but without that formal label, appropriate support is even harder to come by. It also doesn’t help that these issues then spill over into their peer relationships at break and lunch times, and of course outside of schools.
On top of this, it’s worth realising that education has failed to really update itself much over the course of history. Our school year is a relic of the agrarian age when children helped tend crops in the summer, the “sit at desks and learn” model of teaching a hold-over from Victorian times when it was made to mimic the production lines of this industrial quantum leap. Even through the recent trials of the Covid pandemic and home-learning en masse, these elements remain unchanged, while in comparison, we’ve gone from horse-and-carriage to the modern motor car, from old crank-dial landline telephones and telegraph lines to smart phones.
If this isn’t bad enough, our education system has in more recent times become extremely exam-centric, in many cases cutting out classroom assessment and/or coursework as any true kind of metric for progress. Now all that anyone cares about when it comes to school children is exams, or more accurately, how well can they parrot information on cue. Great skill if you plan to spend your life up in front of crowds reading from an auto-cue of some kind, and technically useful for when you have to do tests as part of a job interview. For a lot of other things, though, exam skills aren’t going to be the be-all and end-all of what you need to know, and it’s not unreasonable to expect a child’s education to reflect this simple, basic reality.
The best analogy for all of this, especially when factoring in children who are neurodiverse or differently abled, is the satirical cartoon that’s been doing the rounds of social media for the last decade or so at least. It’s the one where a myriad variety of animals are lined up and asked to climb a tree. That’s our education system in a nutshell; a wide variety of varied individuals being judged by how well or how poorly they do at a single task, disregarding all other abilities that they possess. Given this, I think it’s fair to say that almost every child will struggle in education if things remain that way, special needs or not.
This then brings us to the existing provision for special needs education, which as I noted before is generally only there if you’ve got documentary evidence to prove your child has special needs. First of all, as I understand it, since the Equality Act and the Autism Act were both passed in or around 2010, reasonable adjustments to a child’s education where they have SEN have been part of our national law. As such, some level of adaptability is supposed to exist within our existing national curriculum, and in theory that should help some students achieve in education. There are also various support services available, whether through charities, the NHS or local councils, and then we come to the question of what used to be called Statements of SEN, but are now Education, Health and Care Plans, or EHCPs.
These documents changed names and other things following a legislation change back in 2014, the idea of which was apparently to get things to a point where only children needing special school placements would need EHCPs, and other forms of support would cater to mainstream SEN pupils. However, because the legal changes also included an expanded age-range to cover nursery and further education, as well as the legislation possibly not altering the national curriculum or how it was taught, there was no reduction in EHCP students. Instead, there was and is an ever-increasing demand for this form of support that shows no signs of abating.
In recent times, local councils have begun taking a lot of flak from the public and the press as they struggle to meet this ever-rising demand, but in reality, they’re trying to do their best with a situation not of their making. Over the past several years at least, budgets for local councils have, as with other public services, been cut time and time again, and as funds to councils become increasingly scarce, so does their ability to supply the public demand. The decision to make those cuts is undertaken at the central government level, which is why I would urge anyone with an SEN child to seriously review who they vote for in elections. Who you elect into power dictates how well local authorities get funded, as well as other legislative changes that impact how differently abled children and adults are treated in this country. Don’t just buy into the catchiest soundbite; really investigate and make sure you’re picking a councillor, an MP, a prime minister that honestly cares about SEN support.
The other main contention that can arise around SEN support is whether it’s better to integrate SEN children with mainstream peers or to segregate them via dedicated specialist schools. My own childhood took a kind of middle-route, as under my statement of SEN, I was allocated placements in specialist units within mainstream schools, and over time I spent more and more lessons in mainstream instead of the unit. Now there are parents and professionals who would argue for either extreme, and those who would argue for the middle. Personally, I believe there will always be some children too impaired to even come close to mainstream education, but that in most cases integration should at least be the end-goal, if only because integration with mainstream society is a vital skill for any differently abled person as an adult.
To achieve this, however, there needs to be change. Despite legal provisions allowing for differentiated learning through reasonable adjustments, this doesn’t always seem to happen. Some schools still teachers trapped in archaic views on special needs, viewing differently abled children as simply “naughty”, and while some schools might educate children on special needs so they can understand their peers, others don’t. This in turn results in a lot of the same bullying I went through in school, back when no one even tried explaining my special needs or those of other unit students to our mainstream peers.
As such, I believe that schools need to get proactive and begin weeding out teachers that maintain anti-SEN attitudes of old, and that the national curriculum needs to alter by default, because as difficult as all these challenges are for the diagnosed SEN child, imagine those on the autistic spectrum who are high-masking and shutdown rather than meltdown under stress. Granted, some changes will always be unique to certain special needs, and some will cost extra money, but some won’t. Consider the issue autistic people have with taking things literally. A teacher will have to speak and write instructions to their class many times during a school year, and the cost of hand-outs, whiteboard pens, powering an electronic keyboard, that’s all factored in. The cost of changing certain words on things you already have to write will be no different that whatever you would have written before, but the impact on any autistic or otherwise neurodiverse children needing more literal instructions? Priceless.
Another point I would raise when dealing with autistic people of any age is the three C’s; be clear, be concise, be consistent. Not only does more literal language help, but so does how you set instructions out, and how you act in general, and not just for autistic and other neurodiverse children. Classes may also contain children with chaotic or abusive home lives or just find certain subjects difficult. Making lessons harder with obtuse instructions or erratic staff behaviour and conflicting methodologies do not help such situations, but clear, simple instructions, acting predictably and showing a consistent approach will.
More practical education is another change that would benefit autistic children, but would also benefit those without special needs as well. There’s so much knowledge that gets taught simply “in case” a child wants to follow a specific subject to a higher level, and very often a lot of useful information is left untaught that should be. My cooking lessons in school all related to cakes and pizzas, but not once did anyone teach me how to prepare carrots, peas, potatoes or Yorkshire Puddings; all this I had to learn as an adult from my parents. I learned quadratic equations, but never once were we taught how much living expenses could be, how to do a household budget or check if our income was correctly taxed. So much emphasis was put on picking French or German for a foreign language, but nothing mentioned about learning sign language, which would certainly be useful given that most of us will meet more deaf people than will travel to France or Germany.
Going back to language, avoiding the use of redundant or inaccurate language is another thing to consider. I remember almost getting tripped up on a Maths exam because I was asked to “describe” an equation. That term had no place whatsoever in anything to do with Maths. In any mathematic operation, you calculate, you work out, you can even deduce, but you’re not trying to “describe” a sum, just work out its answer. I was lucky enough to be well-educated enough to compensate for this, but not every SEN student would have been so fortunate. As such, exam writers should be more careful about which exams they decide to go using a thesaurus to write. Maths is not a subject that needs a lot of wordplay, thank you.
Speaking of exams, these should go back to only being part of a subject grade instead of the sum total. For all students of all abilities, exams alone will not be the answer; it stresses them all out to no good cause. For those students who excel more in other types of assessment, that stress could undermine their whole grade without the change to compensate in another area. I know that if essays I wrote for homework during my A-Level Biology course had counted, I might have actually passed.
Speaking of A-Levels, it would also be wise for schools to make clear what is expected at this level of study. No one ever told me I had to do a lot of independent study, never mind what aspects of each subject I should study to achieve a high grade. There’s a lot of supposition regarding students having the initiative to teach themselves at this level, but if you’re autistic and take things literally, you’re more likely to just do what’s assigned and no more because no one has said “you should also do x, y and z to get a proper grade.” Don’t suppose, don’t assume, don’t think we’ll “work this out for ourselves”. The neurotypical fallacy that anyone can read minds is a myth, which is why telepaths only exist in things like X-Men and Star Trek. Real people can’t read minds, so stop acting like they can and spell everything out properly. Not rocket science, not brain surgery, just simple common sense, good manners and good education practice.
Another phrase I believe in is “credit where credit is due, blame where blame is due.” As an autistic student, I don’t think anything ever annoyed me in school quite as much as a teacher telling the whole class off, especially if they kept us late, when I wasn’t involved and had to get out to catch my taxi home. This is lazy behaviour and no worthwhile teacher would ever employ it, which shows what I think about a lot of my former teachers. Punishment should only be administered to students who have broken the rules, and the innocent students should be left alone. This was even more annoying when considering that while I was at school, I was frequently bullied and in most cases school staff never dealt with this.
Because of this, my next improvement suggestion for schools the world over is stop being soft on bullies. Whenever I see news reports about a child bringing a weapon into a school, my first thought is never that the kid in question might be in a gang, nor do I ever believe that’s the first domino in the chain. My first thought about such stories is how much has that child been bullied to believe they need to be armed to be safe. It’s not something I ever did myself, and yet I think there were times when the thought might have occurred to me if I’d seen more examples of that behaviour. The reality is that while some cases of children possessing weapons will be related to teenage gangs, a lot will be bullying-related, which is why I believe bullying should be effectively criminalised, in order to prevent situations reaching a greater magnitude than they need to. If bullies were caught and punished properly, their victims would never seek to be armed and would avoid being seen as criminals themselves.
Next, let’s consider choice in education. I know that for some exams and other assessments of learning to work, there needs to be a few subjects where what you learn is set by school staff. In other areas, however, there is more scope for choice than one might initially suppose, and this can really help autistic children. Say for example that a child has a special interest in superhero lore. Just handing them certain classic literature to study might bore them, and seeing no value in the study of that story they won’t do it. However, if you gave them a graphic novel in which a given superhero deals with similar events to the classic literature, and then you point out the connection, this can be an effective motivator. With sufficient leeway, they could even make scholarly points linking the two and be given higher marks for that. After all, it’s often been noted that the Hulk combines elements of Frankenstein with those of Jekyll and Hyde, and if you consider the Rick Jones-Hulk relationship, an element from Of Mice and Men is also prevalent in early Hulk lore.
For my last couple of points, I’m going to start by pointing out that homework should be better co-ordinated between different subjects. When I was in school, I often felt that we were assigned certain levels of homework that made me think the teacher was of the belief their class was the only one we had. Now for autistics like me, home is meant to be a place to wind down from the demands of school, both social-skill related and otherwise, so having a large amount of homework eat into that destress time can often be counter-productive. As such, I think when students reach a level of education where they’re hoping from class to class for their lessons, schools should co-ordinate across all subject areas to make sure homework levels are reasonable on the whole.
Point number 2 is around the area of when teachers, and other adults as well, should or shouldn’t intervene in an autistic child’s personal life. The reason I bring this up is because during my time at my first secondary school, I went a bit girl-mad, and at one stage I did manage to get a girlfriend for a time. She was a fellow student in the same SEN unit as myself, but a couple of years younger than me, and at one point we had our teachers in that unit trying to basically split us up, claiming we were too young. Given that my mainstream peers were all/mostly getting girlfriends, etc. I have always felt that they really meant we were too autistic/neurodiverse for romantic relationships.
Not only is such an attitude discriminatory, but it’s outside their remit to interfere with a student’s person life in most cases, whether that student is autistic or not. That being said, there are situations where a young person’s personal life can be infringed upon or invaded by parents or guardians rather than teachers, and school staff end up having to be the ones have to interfere for that young person’s benefit. At times, this sort of behaviour gets demonised in the conservative press, as sometimes this interference isn’t just about who starts getting into relationships when. Sometimes it’s about a young person wanting to do what is right for them, but are not allowed to because of the religious superstitions or idiotic conspiracy theories and prejudices of their parents or guardians.
As such, the question always lingers as to how much interference from any adult is appropriate, whether autism is an element in the equation or not. This is never an easy question to answer, and that’s for a lot of reasons. First of all, children and young people are all individuals, growing and getting into things at different ages, and that’s equally true whether they’re neurodiverse or not. It’s part and parcel of why age of consent laws and other age-based limits vary internationally; scientifically, each child develops into an adult in their own time, and each nation has its own ideas about when most young people are able to drive, to vote, to drink, to have sex and so on. As a result, you get the law setting a standard only some children will ever adhere to, while the rest will either be ready earlier or later than that standard.
Second, because children and young people hit their various mental and physical milestones at different times to each other, you’re never going to know with absolute certainty at what age they will be ready for certain things. For example, one young person maybe ready for romantic relationships with their peers from the age of 12 or 13, another young person might not be ready until they’re closer to 16, and some are never going to be ready or will only be ready as adults. Autism can be factor here, but so can a lot of other things, and relationships are just one example. Others may include following a different religion, or exploring aspects of their identity that come under the LGBTQ+ umbrella.
Now among the autistic friends I’ve made over the years, I know a couple of autistics that are homosexual and one who is trans-gender. This is why when I look at the whole area of adult interference in autistic personal lives, both in education and at home, I try not to look just at my own experience around relationships. Interference can be a teacher trying to convince an autistic young person who is gay, trans, both or something else entirely that they aren’t these things, or it can be a parent disowning the young person over laying claim to these labels. Neither is appropriate or healthy, and the same applies when non-autistic young people make such claims. However, as we’ve just noted, children reach their mental milestones at different ages, and sometimes they’re not going to work out which labels apply to them at the first time of trying.
In essence, each person’s life is a voyage of self-discovery, and during childhood and adolescence, each person is developing the initial knowledge and skills they will need to continue that journey as independent adults. This means any adult intervention in a young person’s personal life has to be a measured response, something that strikes a balance between outright dismissal and carte blanche permission. During their formative years, children and young people need a bit leeway to explore who they are and begin establishing their identity, but until they’re capable of making sound independent decisions, a certain level of safeguarding is also required.
How this balanced approach might apply is something that almost certainly needs to vary from case to case, but in general, the basic structure would be to take an interest, research the subject well with the young person and give them appropriate chances to explore whatever they’ve expressed an interest in. Ideally, this should be handled more by parents, perhaps with the assistance of other family or close friends, and perhaps only involving school where it’s really appropriate because it might impact their education. Indeed, impact on education is what I would generally put down as the principal factor, perhaps the only factor, in whether teachers interfere in the personal affairs of students. Things like bullying fall into this category because the adverse mental impact impairs a child’s ability to focus on lessons, as does parental abuse. Pursuing a romantic relationship with a classmate, provided it’s checked at the classroom door, wouldn’t have an adverse impact, and so that’s not a matter for teacher intervention.
Where autistic children and young people are concerned, the waters can get a little muddier because our social skill difficulties mean we’re a little more prone to misunderstanding and misinterpretation, as well as being deceived by our peers into handling a situation inappropriately. However, the rule of “if it’s not impacting their learning, don’t butt in” should remain the school staff rule-of-thumb. Where home life is the point of non-acceptance, that again impacts a young person’s ability to learn, so again school staff intervention becomes appropriate to shield a young person from horrendous parental reaction. In this scenario, it might be that school staff or other professionals have to act as supporting adults in a young person’s self-discovery instead of parents, in which case greater care is required in case certain actions or counsel fall outside any given professional remit.
Now I imagine that when I talked an approach of taking an interest in a young person’s decisions, researching the issue with them and giving them appropriate opportunities, some people might be a bit confused what I meant. Well, let’s run through a couple of examples. First is the one from my own experience; relationships of a romantic nature. Never an easy subject to broach, but let’s consider how that could be handled. Step one of taking an interest means asking the young person what they understand about such things and giving them a good baseline idea of what relationships might entail. This doesn’t necessarily mean doing a sex education talk, as they might be too young for that stage yet, and schools generally cover this anyway. More likely topics could be dating versus advancing a friendship to romance, proper relationship etiquette, correcting for any misunderstandings born from pop culture knowledge of romance and so on.
Research could then be a matter of asking slightly older children in the family (older siblings, cousins, etc.) to talk about their own experiences, pointing them towards other trusted sources of experience in this area, and in the case of autistic children, tools like social stories might help to explain certain points. A provision of appropriate experiences would then probably consist of liaising with the other young person’s parents/guardians to let a young couple have some dating experiences, or provide a young person with some age-appropriate chances to gain a romantic interest. Where an autistic teenager is concerned, I would advise that where the latter option is concerned, try not to suggest clubs of any description. I for one always hated that suggestion because if it didn’t result in a relationship, I would have joined a club for nothing. Very often autistic people want to be direct, so the more direct our opportunities are, the more likely we are to take them.
For our second example, let’s consider the idea of trans-genderism. This one is very much more contentious, but the same basic principles from the first example apply. Again, begin with taking an interest; why does the young person believe they are trans-gender? Are they fully aware of what the term means, what different forms trans-genderism can take? What aspects of their birth-assigned gender do they not identify with, and so on. Look into the subject yourself, avoiding any right-wing hysteria and bigotry and focusing on more balanced sources of information, then go through this with the young person in question, maybe reach out to trans-gender support and information groups to learn more.
Appropriate opportunities can then consist of allowing a young person to explore the gender they now identify as, provided the exploration doesn’t involve anything that is irreversible or extremely difficult to reverse. For example, if a young person has been designated male when they were born but now identifies as female, wearing female clothing and make-up is ok because clothes and make-up can be removed if they find this isn’t for them. In this case, appropriate exploration means dipping your toe in the pool for now and not diving in until old enough to weight the consequences accurately and make an independent decision. That way, exploration can go ahead, and those who have mis-identified can change their minds while those who have landed on the right label will have confirmation that they’re on their own right track.
So, to sum this all up, education is not an easy experience for people on the autistic spectrum, and odds are this will always be the case to some extent. The only question is whether or not the society in which we live has the will and the courage to try being more inclusive and tolerant, and to create an autism-inclusive education system that reflects such an attitude change. Based on my experience of neurotypical society, I’m hanging hopes on this anytime soon, but if anyone has the guts to prove me wrong, I’m more than happy for them to try. Until my next ramble, ta-ta for now.
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I hope I don't sound dumb but do you think Penelope Garcia could be autistic? She's talked about how much she hates change, shows a special interest in coding, and hype fixates over fun, bright items. Idk just a thought. -🌹
Hey friend! Check under the cut for a response to your comments (I want to keep this post short for the sake of everyone's dashes). Otherwise, here is my analysis of Penelope's Autistic Coding!
Disclaimer: I am autistic and this headcanon is just for fun. If you disagree, that is totally fine. Many traits of autism can overlap with childhood trauma (among many other things), so that's another totally reasonable explanation for this character!
Reasons I think Penelope Garcia is Autistic:
Exaggerated facial expressions
An inclination towards math/coding
Prefers brightly colored/fluffy clothing
An intense respect for the Hacker's Code
Craves deep physical stimulation (bear hugs)
Hyperfixates and infodumps (S15E7, "Rusty")
Difficulty judging intentions/character (S3E8, "Lucky")
Hypersexual/inappropriate jokes (S9E12, "The Black Queen")
Likes "age-inappropriate" toys/decor (S13E16, "Last Gasp")
Hyper-empathy for inanimate objects (S2E13, "No Way Out")
Strong aversion to change/has "control issues" (S6E24, "Supply & Demand")
Wearing very high heels, which is essentially the socially acceptable way to "toe-walk"
Her eating habits (separate containers for food, which she places methodically in front of her, S1E3, "Won't Get Fooled Again")
Shuts down/lashes out when emotionally overwhelmed, becomes aggressive/hostile when people interfere in her space (S1E8, "Natural Born Killer")
As always, there are many more, this is just off the top of my head! If you think of any more, feel free to drop them in the comments or reblogs!
Commentary on the Anon specifically:
I definitely think that Penelope Garcia could be Autistic Coded, although I also understand why people prefer the headcanon of her having ADHD (or both!). I only didn't include her in the Autistic!Hotch post because I wouldn't consider their relationship close/personal. Rather, I think they are acquaintances/work friends. I do, however, think her and Spencer are perhaps the closest throughout the series.
Regarding your suggestions, while I wouldn't consider coding her special interest, I do think her being good at it is a typical indicator of Autism. I'm certainly shit at anything with numbers (dyscalculia), but it is generally considered something we are good at.
As for the brightly colored objects, I wouldn't call that a hyperfixation/special interest, but I would say it is a textbook example of craving sensory input! Her special interests are probably more related to Doctor Who/Unicorns/etc. based on what we see of her. A special interest tends to be something more specific, and it becomes a defining feature of your personality (such as my love for Criminal Minds, which I have been watching since the pilot first aired lol).
#penelope garcia#criminal minds#autistic garcia#autistic penelope garcia#autistic!penelope#actuallyautistic#autistic headcanons#criminal minds headcanons#kirsten vangsness
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ADHD in DSMP
So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:
People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-
People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.
First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.
(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)
Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!
Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;
A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.
So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.
See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.
And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.
Anyway. Back to Education!
The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.
I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)
WHAT IS ADHD?
You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.
Now, onto the symptoms!
ATTENTION
This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.
Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.
Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;
When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).
When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.
When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)
It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.
However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.
People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.
There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.
HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING
This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.
If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.
(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!)
There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;
Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.
Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.
It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.
ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.
Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.
Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.
Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!
BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES
ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.
Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.
These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;
Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.
Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)
Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)
Indecisiveness and overthinking
Bluntness, lack of subtlety
Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)
Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times
There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.
In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm.
I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.
#sorry if this is longwinded but I had a lot to say so [shrug]#karl jacobs#dsmp#dream smp#dreamwastaken#ghost.txt
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Let's talk about self diagnosing.
(This is purely a personal opinion piece.)
CW: Descriptions of hypothetical physical injury.
So I'm going to start off by immediately settling your minds - I believe self diagnosis can be both good and bad. I’m not here to judge, gatekeep, or vilify.
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A quick overview of the sections:
3 problems/examples.
5 questions/opinions.
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Determining that you have an issue, does not mean that it is the only issue.
Lets start with a hypothetical example where the self diagnosis is obviously correct:
- You've fallen down the stairs.
- You can see a bone sticking out of your leg.
- You deduce that you have broken your leg.
This is almost certainly accurate, as there is no healthy explanation for the visible evidence.
However, this may not be the whole story.
What we’re really doing in this situation is identifying symptoms and possible/probably causes.
The symptoms are:
- Pain.
- Visible evidence of a broken bone.
- Visible evidence of wounded skin.
- Probably experiencing shock - Pale, cold, clammy skin. Shallow, rapid breathing. Anxiety. Rapid heartbeat. Etc.
The probable diagnosis: A broken leg bone.
When you arrive at the hospital, they will do an x-ray.
They may discover additional injuries, for instance the bone may be broken in several places, a tendon may have been severed.
Their treatment of your issues relies on the full knowledge that they are able to learn via their tests.
If they (somehow) were to treat only your broken bone and the flesh wound, you would likely end up with further health problems as the extra broken bones were not set properly, and the severed tendon would not heal on it's own.
This is a rather ridiculous example of course, but that's why I started with it.
You may believe that you know what the issue is, but if you do not have the right equipment/training, you may not be able to identify the full extent of the issue.
Even if you know what the issue is, you may not be able to determine the full impact of it.
For example:
- You notice that whenever you eat citrus, your mouth and tongue start tingling/going numb. There may be also be symptoms such as sweating, feeling faint, swelling of lips/tongue.
You conclude that you are allergic to citrus.
You act on this by avoiding citrus.
That’s all fine and reasonable.
However, with this information you only know that you have a reaction to citrus. You don’t know the full extent.
Are you mildly allergic?
Are you at risk of anaphylactic shock?
Sometimes you do not need to know the full extent (in this example you can simply avoid lemon).
But sometimes you DO need to learn everything you can about it, in order to live the best life possible.
Especially when the issue is not something easily avoided such as a minor food allergy.
You might group all of your symptoms together, leading to you accidentally obscuring one issue by presenting it as another.
(An example using some of my own symptoms & past trauma experiences.)
You have diagnosed yourself with autism based on the following symptoms:
- Difficulty forcing eye contact with others.
- Inability to read the invisible social cues that neurotypical’s can see/read.
- Discomfort/anxiety in social settings / large groups.
- An extreme feeling of mental shutdown in response to loud noises/music.
These could indeed be symptoms of autism, however they can also be symptoms of other issues in play.
For instance, discomfort or anxiety in social settings could be due to an anxiety disorder.
The loud noises/music may mimic sounds from traumatic events - initiating flashbacks or fight/flight/freeze instincts.
You go to a therapist.
Your therapist listens to your concerns and symptoms, and looks for other explanations for these symptoms.
This is to ensure that the diagnosis they give you will be accurate, and thus the treatment you receive will be the most effective treatment possible for you.
If you did not go to the therapist with this, you may have been able to deal with the autism symptoms fairly well, but the anxiety and PTSD would go untreated. Your problems would not go away, because you weren’t treating ALL of your issues.
When do I believe it is acceptable to self diagnose without seeking professional verification of your self diagnosis?
- When the issue/symptoms do not affect your life in any substantial way;
- When the issue is self evident;
- When there is no indication that there is an unseen element;
- When the issue does not require urgent or extensive treatment.
Eg: Mild allergy to citrus, which can easily be avoided in your daily life.
In this sort of case, I believe it is important to stay aware of the symptoms and immediately seek a professional opinion if there is a change in severity, frequency, or perceived cause, of these symptoms.
Eg: One day you have a drink that had a lemon wedge on the rim, and the symptoms are far stronger, or appear far sooner, than they used to.
Or:
One day you have the same reaction, but you did not consume any citrus.
When do I believe that it is helpful to ask a professional to confirm/refute your self assessment?
Always.
There may be situations where the professional can’t offer any treatment (eg: a mild food allergy, where avoiding it is all that can be done). But if you feel anxiety over the uncertainty of it, and you want a professional assessment, diagnosis, or testing, you are of course entitled to it.
Whether it pinpoints a cause, or rules out a cause, finding out for sure will increase the chances of you receiving appropriate treatment.
Additionally, professional tests and assessments can identify previously unnoticed symptoms and/or issues.
(Such as additional injuries in example 1, or separate disorders in example 3.)
Do I believe that you should tell your health professional that you have self-diagnosed / self-assessed your symptoms?
Yes.
Especially with mental health issues, where your therapist’s assessment of you may be affected erroneously by them noticing that you are holding something back.
They may believe you are uncomfortable with them, or have some trust issues which you may not have.
If you simply tell your therapist that you have recorded your symptoms and searched for answers on your own, the therapist will be able to make a more accurate assessment of you.
It also gives them a good starting point, as they immediately know that the issue is concerning to you, and that you are ready to seek help for it.
Any health professional worth their training should be able to understand that you seeking explanations for your symptoms is natural, and should be willing to look into something that you are concerned about.
Eg: I told my GP (physical health doctor) that I was concerned about a specific lung condition which seemed to fit symptoms that I had been experiencing for over a decade. He listened, he asked further questions, he performed tests for the condition I had brought up, and he performed tests for other possible explanations.
In the end he determined that I did not have that condition, and we went from there.
Why do health professionals dislike self-diagnosis?
The issue with self diagnosis is that a patient can become convinced that they have something that they do not actually have.
This can lead to the patient:
- Misinterpreting symptoms
- Ignoring symptoms which do not fit their self-diagnosis
- Unintentionally manifesting somatic symptoms which fit the self-diagnosis (this refers to a patient believing they have a condition, and their body beginning to show those symptoms. This is not the same as purposefully faking.)
- Refusing testing for something other than their self-diagnosed issue
- Refusing to accept that there may be a different issue
- Refusing to accept that there may be additional issues
- Resorting to self-help remedies which may be ineffective or actively dangerous to the patient
They aren’t just being difficult or elitist - they are concerned that your self-diagnosis may impact their ability to accurately diagnose and help you.
This is a particular concern when the health professional doesn’t know you well enough to be able to determine how much your belief will impact your symptoms, or whether you will be open to treatment if they determine a diagnosis which conflicts with your self-diagnosis.
Your health professional has YOUR health and safety in mind.
(If you believe this isn’t true, you should seek a second opinion.)
Should your health professional just accept your self-diagnosis?
It is your therapist’s duty to independently assess your symptoms, and possible causes for those symptoms.
It is not an attack on you, it is not a sign of distrust.
Think of it like scientists - they don’t just say “oh well that guy’s experiment showed these results, so they must be correct.”
They go out and duplicate the experiment to check their results against the original results.
Yes, it’s not a perfect metaphor. No two people’s life experiences are the same. No two people’s brains will react identically to the same thing.
But the spirit is the same - in both cases, doing the extra work is to ensure that the stated result is accurate, NOT to discredit or demean the person who originally stated it.
What if you are certain you have a certain issue, and will not be persuaded otherwise?
I urge you to rethink this, and open your mind.
You want to heal from whatever it is that is interfering with your best life.
You want answers.
You want validation that such-and-such issue isn’t a personal failing but a neuro-divergency.
Those are great goals, but the best way to find the truth is to be open to explanations that you may not like.
And the only way to know it’s the truth, is to be honest and objective about yourself.
#CW: Descriptions of hypothetical physical injury.#did#osdd#self diagnosis#therapy#actuallydid#actuallyosdd#actually neurodiverse#actually autistic#actually multiple#long post
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hi! could i request some platonic la squadra with a team member who's autistic and mainly stims by repeating short phrases (echolalia but idk how to phrase it) and has/had a hard time unmasking around them? feel free to take as many liberties as you need to, your writing is so fun to read! <33
La Squadra Says Autism Rights
La Squadra x Reader (GN), Platonic, SFW
(A/N: I just wanted to say a particular thank you to this requester because I've been itching to write autistic reader headcanons for months and this finally gave me the right prompt to do it. I definitely want to write more in the future.)
Formaggio- He might be neurotypical, but autism runs in his family (and his social circle as an adult) so he's learned a fair bit how best to interact with you people. He knows his loudness and teasing can be an issue for autistic people with sensory issues or trouble with sarcasm, so he'll drop it around you if that's the case. As far as he's concerned your vocal stim is a non-issue because 'some people just do that, it doesn't hurt anyone' and he doesn't comment on it unless you're using it to show happiness, in which case he always acts chuffed. He behaves sympathetically to your troubles with masking, and makes a point of acting laid-back so it's easy for you to turn down the pressure on yourself. To Formaggio, not being able to be yourself would be one of the worst fates imaginable, so he wants to do what he can to make it easier for you to let loose.
Illuso- You might expect Illuso's understanding to be low, but at this point with so much of the team being neurodivergent themselves Illuso doesn't bat an eyelid. Repeating short phrases is certainly a new one, but nothing he can't put up with. Sometimes, he might ask you what your murmurings mean, but he doesn't mean it in a judgy way. Now, as for your masking, you would be surprised how much he can relate. Illuso's self esteem is secretly down the gutter, and he often feels like the confident persona he puts on is secretly an act. When you tell him you feel like you're putting a show every day of your life, he feels you. The two of you have a lot of heartfelt conversations when you're alone, confessing how you really feel about yourselves away from the act you're performing. It's not something Illuso does often, be this honest even with a friend. But he can't help but find that it's... therapeutic.
Prosciutto- Like with anything a friend of his may be insecure about, Prosciutto very much looks at autism through the lens of identifying positives. This by no means says that he ignores your difficulties or tries to creative positives that aren't there, only that he takes note of your strengths no matter how much you try to deny them and makes sure you remember you have them. He doesn't try to 'fix' your echolalia because he knows it's better to work with an autistic person's traits than erase them, but he does teach you mental diversion techniques to help you tone the stim down when you need to (e.g. when you're trying to be stealthy). Regarding your masking, he can somewhat admire it as a useful skill to have- it's possible you could turn it into the skills of an excellent actor while under cover, but he also appreciates the impact this must be having on your self-esteem to have to hide yourself 24/7, so he wants to help you learn to cut it down. This, of course, is done through plenty of praise and reminding of your strengths. You are a wonderful addition to the team, even without your mask, and he won't let you think any less.
Pesci- When Pesci gets stressed it affects him a lot too. Sometimes he does things like fiddle with random items in his hands until they break or bounce his leg so hard the table shakes, which always get him strange looks. He appreciates the rationale of your stimming and would never judge you for it. If you're in a situation where you absolutely need to stop stimming, for instance if a team is visiting who isn't on good terms with La Squadra, he is a good bet for subtly and respectfully helping you be aware of when you're starting to do it so you can quickly stop. Just a gentle nudge to your arm when you start to whisper is all it takes. He also has a lot of empathy for the fact you has to mask, since he imagines it to be like a more extreme version of how he had to invent this whole 'tough guy' personality after he got involved in the gang. He found that really hard too, so he can imagine what it must be life to do that sort of thing your whole life. At least with him, you feel less of a pressure to put on an act.
Melone- There's a certain intellectual curiosity in Melone towards the various neurodivergent conditions, compounded by a strong personal empathy now he has so many friends who have them. He is saddened by the failure of the common consensus to understand such individuals, and wants to do what he can to help them appreciate their full, unique potentials. Melone is quick to recognise your behaviour as stimming, and hence understands that the stress of being called out on it would only make it worse. He is sympathetic to your plight with masking, and has a few ideas you could try if you want to start reducing it in safe circumstances. He has heard that one barrier to unmasking can be trouble identifying the 'true self' you have to go back to, so to remedy this he asks non-critical questions that help you explore your real, unmasked personality and be comfortable in it. Whenever you go off-script and talk to him as your true-self, he praises you for it and assures you that you are just as wonderful a person to him like this.
Ghiaccio- We arrive at the first member on the list who (in my headcanon) is autistic himself. Although the mangling of verbal speech is typically annoying to him, Ghiaccio would never become angry at someone who did it because of their neurodivergence. After all, if he didn't respect the effects of your autism, what reason do you have to return the favour? Ghiaccio makes a point of not hurrying you along when you start to repeat yourself as a stimming technique, and it goes a long way with helping you be calm around him. The masking however, is a different matter. He's not going to be angry at you per say, since he knows from experience the pressure you must be facing to put on an act this way, but he very much prefers it when people are their authentic selves around him. After all, he has enough issues knowing their true intentions as it is. He won't get angry, but he will gently encourage you to open up about him, even if it's something as little as stating what you really want point-blank when you're nervous too. He is very understanding about how hard this is, however.
Risotto- Another autistic individual himself, Risotto is also perfectly empathetic to your behaviour. As an adult, he doesn't really stim, rather just faze out entirely, but at the end of the day that still gets him a lot of strange looks so he can appreciate the range of feelings you may have about your own stim. What's really great about Risotto is that he learns pretty quickly how to differentiate between your happy-stims and your stress-stims, to an extent nobody else on the team is able to. He always seems very content to see you happy-stim, warmed by the knowledge that you are feeling good right now. As for your stress-stims, he is quick to help you escape from the situation if at all possible, and hold your hand comfortingly if not. And the whole masking thing? He understands painfully well. Risotto's masking game on-point, but it irks him greatly to keep it up, not to mention that he hates the paralysing anxiety that hits him whenever he tries to unmask. Even when he wants to, he can't always be himself in front of the team. He may not have a solution for you, but he at least has his full empathy.
Sorbet and Gelato- While Sorbet is, as far as he's aware, neurotypical, Gelato is very much autistic as well. He's also got ADHD to boot, so he's well versed in the neurodivergent experience. His stim is quite similar to yours, in that he makes quiet, high-pitched, almost chirp-like noises, so he sees your echolalia as something he has in common with you. Gelato doesn't really bother with masking any more, the only exception being people who could quite literally kill him if he offended them. Though he encourages you to let go and be yourself, consequences be damned, he of course completely understands the pressure to keep masking. Sorbet, despite being neurotypical, is at this point more surrounded by autistics than not. He's been married to Gelato for the best part of the decade, his closest friend is Risotto, and he's practically Ghiaccio's dad at this point. Adding one more neurodivergent to the mix is hardly a big step, and he is very well-versed in your behaviours and how to interact with them.
#la squadra#la squadra di esecuzione#la squadra x reader#formaggio#formaggio x reader#illuso#illuso x reader#prosciutto#prosciutto x reader#pesci#pesci x reader#melone#melone x reader#ghiaccio#ghiaccio x reader#risotto nero#risotto nero x reader#sorbet and gelato#sorbet and gelato x reader
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Thoughts on My Little Pony: A New Generation
The show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is special to me for it’s portrayal of autistic coded characters, and I’d argue it was a pivotal phenomenon in autistic culture. It has since completed it’s run, and the pilot for it’s successor just aired yesterday in the form of the movie My Little Pony: A New Generation. Let’s make it clear from that from get go it’s apparent that this show is not going to be as significant to the autistic community as the previous show was as all it’s characters have less autistic traits than those in the original show. We’ve had our time in the limelight, so it’s fine that now the focus is placed on a different, but I’m still going to miss what we had.
It makes sense that this show is different from the previous one in this regard, as thematically this show focuses on cross-group relational problems rather than in-group ones like the previous show, which is more of a concern for neurotypicals than it is for autistic people since they have a much stronger in-group bias. We can see this change in theme from the first scene, where we see Sunny Starscout, the new lead who kinda feels like a neurotypical version of Twilight Sparkle, interprets Twilight Sparkle as being sent to make friends more as a diplomatic mission between pony races that a personal assignment to develop her social skills. Sunny longs to befriend other pony races (unicorns and pegasi, since shes’s an earth pony) and is only ostracized because such beliefs are considered to be heterodox in her community, contrasting with Twilight who never say the point in pursuing friendship with anyone. While intelligent, well-educated, and a little bit geeky, she lacks Twilight’s intensity while maintaining a social intuition that Twilight lacks, and so on.
There is one character though appears to be neurodivergent, if not autistic coded. That is Izzy Moonbow, the unicorn who Sunny befriends. What intrigues me about Izzy Moonbow is that despite being the comic relief she may actually be the most complex character in the movie, with her deeper character appearing almost as an inversion of her superficial presentation. For example, she appears oblivious to her surroundings, but proves to often be the first to come up with a practical solution from their environment, while bubbly she was socially isolated, and while her descriptions of other pony’s “luminescence” (aura) suggests a New Age archetype, she actually contrasts with other unicorns in the show in that she is NOT superstitious. In particular, she also initially appeared to be the opposite of autistic, but it was later shown that she finds it difficult to relate to her peers because she processes the world around her in a different way then they do.
Izzy Moonbow does not appear to be autistic coded as she has been shown to be quite responsive to the emotions of other ponies. There was at least one gag where she directly reacted to another pony’s facial expression, and she appears to describe other’s emotional states and personalities using can colorful metaphors. However, she also demonstrates limited understanding of what is appropriate behavior in various social contexts, so maybe autism is more plausible than it initially appears. One wonders if maybe her descriptions of luminescence is not a metaphor, but her attempting to describe how she experiences the emotions of others, which she is unable to describe in the way neurotypicals do because she doesn’t experience them in the same way.
Let’s get to the essence of her character. Officially her gimmick is that she likes crafts. However, her crafts are shown to be of remarkable mechanical complexity. She is not just an artist, but a tinker, and the only reason that aspect is masked is because her presentation is more feminine than the stereotype of this archetype. The tinker archetype is closely associated fictional depictions of autism, often under the guise of being more interested in machines than people. That description certainly doesn’t apply to Izzy, but it also isn’t an accurate description of autism, and in many depictions of the autistic tinker they are shown as emphasizing with machines as a result of being rejected by their organic peers despite longing to be accepted by them. Izzy is a bit a different, instead desiring to show her contraptions to friends she never had, but there is still a common thread of social desire persisting after rejection.
There is another link between the tinker archetype and autism that also applies to Izzy. The tinker is highly intelligent, but they find it difficult to express this intelligence through words, and instead demonstrate it through their ability to work with their hands. This certainly applies to some autistic people, though others are the opposite. As for Izzy, her comments tend to confuse others, but she has shown to be very competent at solving problems when she can go straight to using her hooves and horn, such as when she created a bridge from a tree while the rest of the group was complaining about being unable to cross a chasm. I think this is most of all what gets to the essence of Izzy’s character. She does not see the world like others do, but it cannot be denied that her perspective if just as valid because she proves it is through what she does.
Many people have compared Izzy Moonglow to Pinkie Pie, both being social comic characters who are very obviously neurodivergent, but I find Izzy Moonglow to be a much more realistic depiction of someoen who is neurogivergent, while Pinkie Pie is more just a comic character without depth. Both would be difficult to label with any real-world disorder, but while the reason for Pinkie Pie is because there simply is nothing beneath the surface connecting her diverse behaviors, with Izzy it’s because she’s meant to be a individual with personal depth rather than checking of a list of traits. I also wonder if some of the difficulty in identifying what is going on comes from the path that she has a very feminine presentation, but her way of processing things has traditionally been associated with males, and thus sexism in the psychiatric community would lead to them failing to identify her underlying thought processes. That’s certainly the case for many autistic women, and it could very well extend to someone like Izzy.
That’s all my thoughts about how autism and neurodiversity relate to this incarnation of My Little Pony for now. There is going to be a full series following the movie, so I’m looking forward to watching it, and particularly seeing more of Izzy. Depending on how she’s portrayed in episodes I may even decide to give her an actual profile. As for now though, I just think it’s really interesting how both Izzy Moonglow and Twilight Sparkle are purple unicorns who can ambiguously be interpreted as being autistic, but have completely different personalities. Izzy is breaking new ground, as while Twilight Sparkle’s personality was pretty common for fictional depictions of autistic males prior to her being a female instance of it, Izzy’s is one that hasn’t been depicted much at all, and I wonder if any autistic girls relate to her in a way they haven’t related to characters before. So even while the show has a whole is less neurodiversity focused then the previous one, it still has something in it for us, and that can be enough.
#my little pony#new generation#my little pony: new generation#Sunny Starscout#neurodiversity#tinker archetype#feminine presentation#Twilight Sparkle#izzy moonbow
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Hello,
So, I saw that you take july off. I'm sorry if I shouldn't have sent anything, I hope I don't disturb you. I just couldn't send it later since I'm going to not have access to my computer for some times soon.
I'm here because I saw several psy, and even thought I complained about it, they want me to get my IQ tested and testing if I have asperger. I'm suspected to be/have asperger since some years, they think that now I'm 17 it's time. So, I have some questions if you don't mind.
What is this test? Why is it important to know if I have asperger or not? The world will not change for me anyway, since it never did when I was already showing difficulties.
What exactly is being non-verbal or semi-verbal? I interrogated myself on the subject, since I'm not capable to speak to anyone but my family. Is it possible for it to go away? It is hard when oral exams happen, and to establish relationship.
Is it possible to live a good life as an asperger? Personnally, I hate being touched and don't understand social cues, I am very sensible to sounds and lights, I struggle to talk to people, to make friends... With all of this, how can my life be okay?
What should I do when I'm breaking down? I think there was a term for that, like overload or something. Sometimes, I completely loose it, most of the time, in very noisy places, sometimes just because of a fly or anything. It can get really hard, and it take me a lot of time to calm down, it sometimes take me days to completely have it out. How can I calm down quickly and easily, for school for example?
Do autistic people view gender and sexuality differently? I've always been bad with that, I never understood anything of it. To me, these notions are blurry. Since I experience what I think is gender dysphoria since some years (start of puberty and before), I think since some years I'm a trans guy. But is it because girls with asperger are not girly and don't understand gender norms? I just wish I had no buisness with gender, like, no gender at all. Is it a common feeling in autistic people?
Thanks a lot if you took the time to read this. I'm sorry, it was a bit long. I hope I'm not disturbing you or asking to many things. Let me know if that's the case.
(I don't know exactly why I put this on anonymous, don't take it as an offense or anything, I'm not ashamed of my possible autism, nor am I to send you a message, I'm just a reserved and secret person.)
Hi! Don't worry about having sent this while I was on break.
What is this test? Why is it important to know if I have asperger: The assessment for autism or Asperger's, since some countries still diagnose Asperger's, can be different depending on where you are, and who your doctor/therapist is. It's important to know if you are autistic because having that on your medical record can help open doors to needed support. Things like therapy, assistive devices, disability, etc. It can also help you understand yourself better.
What exactly is being non-verbal or semi-verbal? Being non-verbal/semi-verbal is when you can't communicate verbally. There's no definitive reason why it happens (at least not yet). For some people it does go away, but not for everyone. However there are ways of communicating without talking. There's text-to-speech, sign language, and visual aids. This is called Alternative and Augmentative Communication (AAC). I suggest you research it. It may help you.
Is it possible to live a good life as an asperger? Yes, it is absolutely possible. I'm living proof. Will there be struggles? Most likely, but getting diagnosed, and getting the assistance you may need can certainly help you on your journey to a good life.
What should I do when I'm breaking down? It sounds like sensory overload from sound. Noise cancelling headphones can definitely help with this, but when you're in an environment where you can't wear them, like in class, you may need to find coping mechanisms to help fend off a break down. Stimming is a good why to regulation yourself, but this is something you can figure out in therapy and on your own.
Do autistic people view gender and sexuality differently? It definitely seems like it. Autistic people are much more likely to be in the LGBTQ+ community than neurotypicals. An autistic person being a trans man has nothing to do with autistic girls being less feminine or not getting gender norms. My theory is that because autistic people don't understand gender norms, or society's concept of gender that we're less likely to hide any gender deviation from societal norms. We're less likely to be closeted. I may be wrong, but that's just my theory.
Personally, I'm non-binary. Specially I'm cassgender which means that I'm pretty indifferent to the concept of gender. My gender is unimportant to me.
I hope this helps!
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Arkham Files: The Top
Hugo Strange: From the patient files of Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. Patient: Roscoe Dillon, also known as the Top. Patient suffers from Bipolar Disorder, type one, and is on the autism spectrum. Session One. Good day, Mr. Dillon.
The Top: I am not autistic, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, the psychologist at Iron Heights has tested you for the condition multiple times, and the results are always consistent with your being on the autism spectrum. What’s more, the psychological tests we gave to you upon your arrival to Arkham Asylum also suggest that you are, indeed, autistic.
The Top: I do not care what that quack at Iron Heights says, Doctor Hugo Strange. I am not intellectually subnormal.
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, being on the autism spectrum has nothing to do with your level of intelligence. It simply means that you have difficulty in understanding social cues.
The Top: In my experience, it is the world that has trouble understanding me, not the other way around. I do not understand why everyone believes that I am odd because I enjoy educating them about tops. Tops are fascinating; certainly much more so than sports or beer or whatever else it is that so-called “normal” people enjoy.
Hugo Strange: Tops?
The Top: Yes, tops. You know, Doctor Hugo Strange, the basic principles involved in the spinning of a top are also those used in gyroscopes, guided missile systems, and the gyro stabilizers in ocean liners. Tops are amazing!
Hugo Strange: Tops?
The Top: Yes, Doctor Hugo Strange. Tops!
Hugo Strange: Tops? As in, the children’s toy?
The Top: Is there something wrong with your hearing, Doctor Hugo Strange?
Hugo Strange: Do you mean to tell me that, in calling yourself the Top, you are not making a claim as to your superiority, but rather making a reference to a toy?
The Top: Actually, Doctor Hugo Strange, I am doing both. I am both a living top and at the top of my profession. My costume has stripes on it so that I may better emulate a top when I spin.
Hugo Strange: Your costume is intended to make you look like a giant top?
The Top: It is, Doctor Hugo Strange. Why?
Hugo Strange: Well, that certainly explains its...unusual appearance.
The Top: (Offended) My costume is no more unusual than that of the Trickster or the Mirror Master, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: I didn’t say that it was, Mr. Dillon.
The Top: Good. (Pause) Now, Doctor Hugo Strange, would you care to explain why I was transported to an institution a thousand miles away from my base of operations upon my most recent arrest?
Hugo Strange: I wish I knew myself, Mr. Dillon. The workings of the judicial system as it regards the costumed population never cease to bewilder me. However, I must say that I am glad to have you here, Mr. Dillon. You are clearly mentally ill, and Iron Heights clearly has made no progress in treating your condition.
The Top: I am not mentally ill, Doctor Hugo Strange!
Hugo Strange: Mr. Dillon, mental illness is not a sign of a moral or intellectual deficit. It simply means that your brain has become diseased, just as any other part of your body might.
The Top: Nevertheless, I maintain that I am not mentally ill, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Doctor Strange: According to your record, when you first became the Top, you threatened to blow up half the world with a, quote, “atomic grenade” if all the governments of the world did not acknowledge you as the ruler of the world within ten hours. You did this while under the belief that you would somehow be safe on the other side of the planet should the bomb go off. Mr. Dillon, can you spot the flaw in this plan? You are obviously an intelligent man.
The Top: Of course I can, Doctor Hugo Strange. If half the planet was blown up, the entire planet would have been devastated. Even if I was on the other side of the planet from the epicenter of the explosion, I likely still would have been killed.
Hugo Strange: (Shocked) Wait...you actually built an atomic grenade with the power to blow up half the world?
The Top: Of course. I am a genius, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: You built an atomic grenade that could spin around like a top and possessed the capacity to blow up half the world?
The Top: You have a dreadful habit of repeating yourself, Doctor Hugo Strange. But yes, I did.
Hugo Strange: Then all those other tops your record claims you invented actually worked as well? And you actually made a giant top-shaped satellite that you launched into orbit?
The Top: I am supposed to have a mood disorder, not a psychotic disorder, Dr. Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Well, yes, but severe bouts of mania and depression are known to sometimes bring on psychotic symptoms. I had thought that your claims of having successfully invented such an improbable array of top-shaped weapons were the result of delusions brought on by one of your mood episodes.
The Top: No. The quack at Iron Heights says that I was having a manic episode during my attempt to become ruler of the Earth, and that that is why I did not realize the flaws in my plan. They allege that I was having “mood-congruent delusions of grandeur and invulnerability”, but at no point did they accuse me of outright hallucinating. Surely that is in the report, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: (Annoyed, but not with the Top) While I do not fully agree with your assertions that the psychologist at Iron Heights is a quack, Mr. Dillon, I must admit that they are distinctly lacking in some key areas-such as specifying which of your behaviors and claims were the results of a mood episode and which were not. Knowing that you have had at least five manic episodes and at least three depressive episodes is worthwhile knowledge, but without adequate context, how do they expect me to know what behaviors are a sign that you are no longer in a healthy state of mind?
The Top: Three depressive episodes, Doctor Hugo Strange? As far as I am aware, the quack has only had me hospitalized for depression twice.
Hugo Strange: That is because the first listed depressive episode was an attempted suicide at the age of 17, which would have been before you ever went to prison.
The Top: Oh. Yes, that did...that did happen, Doctor Hugo Strange. It was how I learned that taking a dozen different types of pills is not the most efficient way in which to kill oneself.
Hugo Strange: (Alarmed, but making an effort to remain calm) You aren’t planning to make another attempt, are you?
The Top: No, no. I have far too much to live for-and besides, my fianceé would never forgive me if I killed myself, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Your fianceé?
The Top: Yes. Her name is Lisa Snart, although you, Doctor Hugo Strange, are likely more familiar with her nom de guerre: the Golden Glider.
Hugo Strange: So, another one of the Rogues?
The Top: Yes. I met her while posing as an ice skating coach, and we have been deeply in love ever since, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: I see. How long have the two of you been romantically linked?
The Top: About seven years now, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: In other words, the relationship began shortly after your second attempted suicide?
The Top: I admit I was in a rather dark place at that point in my life, Doctor Hugo Strange. My beloved was responsible for helping to pull me out of it.
Hugo Strange: (Concerned) And what would happen if she died, or broke off your relationship?
The Top: That will not happen, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: But if it did?
The Top: (Agitated) I… I don’t know. She...she’s the only person who ever really loved me, Doctor Hugo Strange. The only one.
Hugo Strange: I’m concerned that you seem to be placing your mental stability and overall self-esteem so heavily on one relationship, Mr. Dillon. That cannot be healthy, for either one of you. (Pause) I know you don’t believe yourself to be mentally ill, but for Lisa’s sake, if nothing else, I really do think that it is urgent that we continue these sessions.
The Top: I would never do anything to hurt Lisa, Doctor Hugo Strange. Never!
Hugo Strange: In an earlier manic episode, you threatened to blow up half the world. That would have included your beloved Lisa, would it not?
The Top: I had not yet met Lisa when I came up with that scheme. If I had known her, I never would have endangered her in such a way, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Maybe so, but that incident serves to prove that your judgement is compromised when you are in the midst of a manic episode. While I believe that you would never intentionally hurt Lisa, should you have another manic episode, you might cause harm to her without realizing it.
The Top: I...I suppose you may have a point, Doctor Hugo Strange. I will take your suggestion into consideration. I certainly do not wish to accidentally harm Lisa.
Hugo Strange: I’m glad to hear that, Mr. Dillon. (Pause) You are a metahuman, correct?
The Top: Do you think I am wearing this collar because it is fashionable, Doctor Hugo Strange?
Hugo Strange: A metahuman power dampener. Well, I suppose that answers that question. What powers do you possess, Mr. Dillon?
The Top: I have the ability to spin at superhuman speeds, I am telekinetic, and I have a limited degree of telepathy, Doctor Hugo Strange. I cannot read or outright control minds, but I can induce vertigo and push people into doing things that they otherwise might not be inclined to do.
Hugo Strange: I see. So, Mr. Dillon, what prompted you to put on a costume, call yourself the Top, and use your intellect and your not inconsiderable array of powers to commit crimes?
The Top: My father always told me that I needed to be a success; get on top of the world. I had to prove that I wasn’t the failure that everyone thought I was...and I did. No one laughs at Roscoe Dillon anymore, Doctor Hugo Strange.
Hugo Strange: Yes, yes...but why do it in a silly costume and with gimmicked tops?
The Top: I thought we already went over this. It’s because I like tops. They are fascinating. (Pause) Do you want to hear about my collection, Doctor Hugo Strange? There’s so much you could learn from it.
Hugo Strange: Perhaps some other time, Mr. Dillon. (Pause) And the Flash had nothing to do with your decision to put on the costume?
The Top: The Flash? You insult me, Doctor Hugo Strange. Why would I ever be inspired to do anything by someone like him?
Hugo Strange: Isn’t he your enemy?
The Top: Only because he constantly stands in the way of my achieving greatness. If he left me alone, I would not fight him….but as it is, he’s made things rather personal.
Hugo Strange: So the reason you have continued to commit crimes is in order to get revenge on the Flash?
The Top: Really, Doctor Hugo Strange, you must get your hearing problems checked out. I do not commit crimes to get revenge on the Flash. I commit crimes to make myself wealthy and to get revenge on the world. It rejected me; branded me as a freak. I simply rejected it in turn.
Hugo Strange: And has your life of crime made you happy, Mr. Dillon?
The Top: Not yet...but I am afraid, Doctor Hugo Strange, that it does not matter whether being a criminal makes me happy or not. It’s the only life that will ever accept someone like me. I learned that lesson long ago.
Hugo Strange: I stand by my initial assessment of you, Mr. Dillon. You need help. I just hope you will permit me to provide it.
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I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them
(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)
This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)
I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!
Sensory Experience
Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.
But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.
Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.
And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.
Social Difficulties
Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.
Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.
Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”
Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.
Other Traits
A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.
But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.
Relationships
I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.
On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.
Me & Lalli
On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.
Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.
The Autism Metaphor
I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.
But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.
This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)
I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!
#stand still stay silent#sssscomic#lalli hotakainen#autismacceptancemonth2021#meta#actually autistic#long post
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I was reading about alexithymia, but the forum I found wouldn't let me post, so I have to dump my thoughts here.
Difficulty identifying and expressing emotions is relatively common, with about 5x the prevalence in those with autism. This seemed like a pretty good read about it (I skimmed).
I took the quiz (I know) and scored high in all categories except for relationship difficulties. The quiz was interesting, actually in the same way that my evaluation for autism was. There were some questions which I knew exactly what purpose they served and what my response would mean, while others blindsided me with how mundane they could be— as if there was no conceivable response beyond my own. I was diagnosed with autism (level 2? they called it "moderate" at the time) and have always considered myself an empathetic person. But maybe I don't know what empathy is. Maybe what I feel is closer to sympathy.
When I read a story on facebook for example, whether it's one of those "feel-good" stories or a tribute to an old dog that just died, I tend to have a very strong emotional response that I always identified as empathy. But empathy isn't a feeling, is it? I may just be highly emotional, and without the tools to deal with it. My point is that I've never obviously struggled to understand people because I can be very receptive to strong, particularly negative emotions. But I've never known what to do with that information.
One reason I've always had some doubt about my "empathy" is that I've felt that, particularly in a crisis, I can shut it off. I might see and even understand what someone is experiencing, however it is that I "understand" these things, but I don't necessarily have to care. It's strange to say that as someone who truly enjoys helping people. But I think that's worth examining, for myself anyway.
This is interesting for me to think about because I've always wondered how I could be such an emotional sponge and yet completely disconnected in emotional situations. I can talk about the grieving process as I've experienced it in a logical way (as illogical as it is) but I've never been somebody's shoulder to cry on. Except quite literally. I've been asked for advice but never comfort. I just don't serve that purpose.
To continue rambling (wish I could just add a collapsed section of text honestly): It's interesting that just the other day I was thinking about how I model my responses to things based on other people's reactions, because the quiz I took had a few questions about that. Do you seek comfort in others or do you use their emotions to gauge your own? I wasn't describing that as something I found to be an odd or unique experience. I still don't think it is.
I've always known that I struggled with this to some extent, but now that I think about it, it's possible that I've never had actual emotional problems. How would I know? I just don't have the capacity to deal with them, so when they're coming on particularly strong, I can be very outwardly expressive.
It's always been a bit confusing. I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't think I've ever experienced joy. Because I don't have any intellectual understanding of emotions; I only feel them physically. I can show you where I feel grief, fear, and anger. But where is joy? I have no idea. Describe it to me— not what it is, what it feels like inside of you. Because I certainly don't feel a lack of it— unless I'm observing it in somebody else. Then apathy can be painful.
But if we run with that, one question remains. Why do I smile? Why would I ever? I was taught to in speech therapy, as a toddler. But was I learning to express myself, or was I learning to model the easiest, most socially acceptable behavior I could to please others? It was the key to my survival when I was not able to speak. It's a toddler in the back of my mind saying, "Yes, I like you. Please like me too." It's compulsive, as any response to joy might be. Like any long-learned behavior is. Am I connecting with others, or am I hiding behind it?
I'd like to write something coherent about this. It's been very interesting to think about. The more I learn about myself, the more I feel I'm unraveling the many strands of this odd diagnosis we call "autism." It's cathartic to untangle this mess of ineffective neural pathways I have.
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4. body
Do I have body issues? Well... yeah. Who doesn’t? I absolutely do not like being fat, that’s something I’d change about me. And I probably should bulk up a little, go to the gym. My diet isn’t terrible, I don’t eat any fast food, but I could still always eat healthier. More greens, less beans. But most of all, my biggest body issue is that I don’t really associate myself with my body. My mind feels disconnected from my body. The day scientists invent a way for us all to live as brains in jars on wheels, I’m there standing in line for a chance to become all cerebral. Being physical, it’s just so messy, so awkward, so uncomfortable. You feel pain, you feel embarrassment, you feel horny. Nothing good comes from having a body. If you were just a brain, you could go on thinking and calculating and just generally having a good mental time. Or you’d start feeling suffocated and trapped trying to move your limbs and realising that they have been all chopped off. Hmm… Maybe it’s more complicated than I initially thought.
I don’t understand people who enjoy physical activities. Let it be clear before we delve into this long rant of mine complaining about all things gymnastic, this is not particularly an autistic trait. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who may excel as athletes, their drive and obsessive personality traits becoming quite useful in developing that discipline that is required to fully commit to becoming an all-star jock. Not all autistic people are reprehensible nerds. Some autistic people are actually quite sexy. Some even have abs. But that’s not me. That’s not my clan of autistic people. I like drawing maps. I like thinking about things. I like making cocktails. The only part of my physical body that I like to put strain on is my liver. Don’t make me go on a run. There isn’t an armchair in this world that I wouldn’t want to sit down in, even the ones that used to be owned by old chain-smokers that have that awful aroma that sneaks into your nostrils and makes you worry about second-hand lung cancer. Sitting is great. I like sitting. Also lying down. Lying down is good.
Am I lazy? No, I don’t think so. Maybe a little, but here’s the thing. I can’t control the things I obsess over. There’s a great deal of overlap between autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit disorder. If you’re reading this and you’re a fellow friend on the spectrum, you may have gotten diagnosed with both. One of those rare times in my life I have attended group therapy, more than half the group were diagnosed with both. I, however, am not. But seeing as the two conditions are so intertwined, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a facet of autism involves difficulties in trying to focus on something, or even trying not to focus on something too hard. If you were to judge my tenacity, my ability to keep going, based solely on how I perform during physical tasks, you’d think I was the least resolute person on the planet. But then you’ll find me, some time later, staying up until four in the morning drawing another map. A map that’s really just a different take on another map that I drew earlier, that itself was a reworked version of a previous map that I drew but didn’t like, that actually began as a second iteration of one map I drew that was actually wholly different, that was based on a map of Europe but if Denmark never existed. How many maps have you drawn Fred? Why don’t you go mind your own business, you nosy ferret.
The DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. You can think of it as something akin to a bible of psychology, which is definitely an inflammatory way to refer to it, but I’m gonna go with it! Because I’m a wildcard, and that’s just how I roll,) includes this section as part of its diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.
Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
Now, I personally don’t relate to that at all. There’s nothing abnormal in my intense love for maps. The fact that maps aren’t as widely cherished as they ought to be is a fault of others, and I refuse to acknowledge that this may be a part of my character that could be perceived as quirky, or out of the ordinary. But, still, for the sake of argument, let’s presume that I can get, at times, excessively circumscribed. I’d like to say that I’ve only ever engaged in excessive circumscribing in my privacy away from onlookers, but I am afraid that I may have allowed some of my excessive circumscribing to happen in public. I definitely do apologise for that. I will try to do better in the future. But you never know when you’re about to experience some excessive circumscribing. The best you can do is keep it limited.
I don’t know how neurotypicals work. So, you don’t feel these kinds of obsessions? These moments of intense focus? These fixations? Then, you lack passion? Are you heartless? Soulless? Or are you just weak? Are you too feeble to hold steadfast working on a project all night long? To lose touch with your sense of hunger, your need for sleep, and all contact with any other human person? My fixations may come across as strange, but to me, your lack of fixations come across as bizarre. The world is endlessly fascinating. Have you never felt that compulsion to just fully immerse yourself in a topic that allows you to forget about your physical body for just that moment in time? The body cannot hold me. I wish to absorb as much information as I can. If I could astral project, by gods, I would astral project. To decouple your consciousness from your mushy brain for just that little bit, to go soaring across the landscapes, to explore the cosmos, just free of all things corporeal, that would be swell. How terrible isn’t it, when you’re deep in research, learning all about the mystical religious practices of the long-dead hierophants of the ancient world, to be drawn back into the present by the sudden need to urinate? There is something so dreadfully mundane about possessing a human body. If only we could all be celestial beings allowed to just be without the biological needs associated with having flesh and blood and bone and bladders.
I am not religious, nor am I spiritual. I do not believe that there is an immaterial world that lies above the material. I do not believe there is an astral plane. I think that one of the terrifying things about living is knowing that we do not possess such a thing as an eternal soul, that all things are temporal, and that ultimately, we have to come to terms with that. It’s not so terrible. In some ways, the temporal nature of life can be its biggest blessing. All things must pass. Sure, that does include the good times, like that vacation you spent as a child wishing that it would never end. But it also includes the bad times. The heartbreak you feel from a failed relationship. The grief you feel after the passing of a parent. The depression some of us are burdened with. Some days are worse than others. But they too will pass. One of the remarkable things about the human body is its ability to bounce back from injury. To change and evolve in ways we sometimes find unthinkable. The brain, likewise, is transformational, capable of incredible developments. We’re not fixed in stone. We’re not eternal. Which is a good thing. It is what allows recuperation and progress. I should be thankful to my body for being there, even when I’m not. After all, isn’t your body your temple?
I am able-bodied. Am I disabled? There’s naturally a lot of questions that surround how we ought to understand mental illness or neurodiversity in regards to disability. Does autism spectrum disorder count as a disability? Well, yes, it can be considered a learning disability. It is certainly something of a handicap, you are experiencing struggles that most people don’t experience. But to your average layperson, your typical dullard who spends their time watching reality TV, drinking beer, and being happy, what counts as a disability to them? Would they see me and think I was disabled? I’m not in a wheelchair. I don’t walk with a cane. Though I will occasionally “stim,” make small repetitive moments with my hands or legs, I do not exhibit any kind of physical symptoms. If I told them that I was disabled, they’d scoff and tell me that I’m just making it up for attention. They’d say I’m probably just trying to mooch off the government, scoring welfare checks while doing nothing to contribute to society. I’ve got all my limbs. I am not sickly. I am actually quite strong, due to being a big and tall man, I am able to carry quite the load. So, I have no reason to not be a fully productive member of society, right? And yet, here I am, feeling at most times utterly perplexed by anything physical. Probably because I am just lazy, right?
I don’t think laziness is a thing. What is laziness supposed to actually be? Tiredness? If a person is perpetually tired, then they’ve likely got a sleep disorder. To call them lazy would be callous. There are plenty of overworked people that get called lazy, especially by tyrannical overseers who think of their charges as mere workhorses whose only purpose in life is to toil away in the factory until the day they die. Intolerable parents who see their terminally sullen child and instead of wondering what is making them so upset decide to deride them for their lack of ambition. Are you lazy when you are procrastinating? No you are just being a tad irresponsible, maybe, deciding to skip out on chores in order to play video games or masturbate. But you’re not just doing nothing. People generally don’t enjoy doing nothing. We need something to occupy ourselves, to fill that vacuum we all feel whenever we’re just sitting still. I am someone who appears to be comfortable just sitting still, but that’s because I’ve learned, since a very young age, to entertain myself with my own thoughts. To fantasise, to daydream, to do anything I can to escape from the void that is doing absolutely nothing. Boredom, that’s terrible. Boredom is existential dread. Of all the motivations that drive humans, love, spite, jealousy, or pride, I think the need to evade boredom is one of the most prevalent. Humans would rather experience electric shocks than sit alone in a room being bored.
I am not lazy, I am merely… excessively circumscribed. For as much as this may be a specific diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I think it is also a common trait amongst all humans. There will always be within us a pull to do something other than the thing that we’re really supposed to be doing, that does not make us lazy, that just makes us terrified of boredom. Sure, you know that you’re supposed to mow the lawn, but that's just so dreadfully tedious, you just would rather be working on perfecting your new stand-up comedy routine. Thinking up jokes to tell on stage is so much more stimulating than cutting grass. And who cares if your lawn grows a little wild? Lawns are a scam, imposed by fascists to make us think grass in its natural state is ugly. All grass is beautiful, whether it is cut short or it is allowed to grow long. Do the thing that fulfils you. Allow yourself to become immersed in passion, to forget about those things that hold you back, the little silly things we’ve convinced ourselves is important. Stay up late, if you wish. You’re gonna kill it on open mic night, bud!
Yes, it is a problem when your obsessions grow so singular that you forget to feed yourself. When you forget personal hygiene, when you become trapped in your own apartment looking like some feral rodent caught in a cage. Like always, the key is moderation, and I know that from time to time, you may have to entertain a boring task or two. Clean your room, brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, try to give an impression that you are taking care of yourself. If for anyone, do it for your mother. She will be happy seeing you looking like a civilised individual, wearing clean clothes and not looking malnourished. But don’t ever chastise yourself for being lazy. Laziness is a sin that we’re all guilty of, and if we’re all guilty of it, is it really a sin? Or is it just part of what it means to be a human? To be a messy creature made out of flesh and blood and bone and the occasional bladder. In the end, I’m more happy than displeased at having a body. It’d be much harder to type on a keyboard if I didn’t have fingers.
Still, I wish I wasn’t fat.
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How would the Romanians react to an autistic person (I am autistic)
DISCLAIMER: This is a big one and I will deem sensitive. It should be said that I am not diagnosed with Autism but do have people in my life with the condition. Therefore, I very much might get something wrong and/or have answered this with my own personal knowledge and experience. I've also used a quick Google search once or twice. NONE OF THIS CONTENT is to upset or offend anyone but will be mentioning sensitive topics such as intolerance within historical era's.
So these two have almost no experience with humans. Unless you want to include feeding on them until death.
Plus their era isn't going to help them.
It depends on how far on the spectrum the human is in terms of if it's their are different mannerisms and behaviour. The Romanians will pick up on them immediately considering it odd or even a human trying to be rude. Unless someone tells them about autism, they won't have a clue about even the existence of the condition. It will have to be explained that autism hasn't become more common recently, it wasn't rare even in their time. Society was simply intolerable of those behaviours and deemed a person incapable or flawed in those times.
If Autism is explained to them they'll learn that these individuals with the condition aren't heartless, rude or lacking empathy. Therefore, anything they say and do in the Romanians company isn't insolence. They'd have to be told that those with autism can be confused by social signals like facial expression, body language and tone of voice. That's important because those without such conditions are highly dependent on those signals. The Romanians being a classic example in such dependency.
The next is to clarify that it isn't something to be cured. They very likely know that for themselves given the explanation they have been provided. It comes into the newer concept for them that everyone has their own specific set of needs and sometimes those fulfilled by society standards aren't enough. It's really getting them out of the mindset they grew up with that they had to adapt to survive in their own society and therefore, 'change to be like everyone else and their socially acceptable expectations'. It may be alarming to the Romanians at how flexible so society is today. For example it wasn't too far away in history that left handed people were getting extreme harmful methods by education and adults in general to be right handed instead. Being left handed was considered almost evil seemingly because the word 'left' derives from the Anglo-Saxon word 'lyft' which meant weak. Whilst such an example is far beyond their time to begin with, you can imagine how societies progression is like a stranger to what they were accustomed to.
It might be best for them to grasp the condition by using more relatable examples at first. Such as socializing within children. Even not having have something such as Autism, some children prefer to be on their own and actively avoid being around a lot of people at the same time. We'd deem them as loners, introverted or shy. Whilst there are other children who are very extroverted, love making friends and take part in games and playing with others around them. We'd deem them social butterflies. Both of these are possible with autism. There are many who like to make friends and be around others just as much as there are those who'd rather be alone and enjoy their own company. This would definitely illustrate a clearer picture for the two. They'd recall those in their coven who fit such descriptions, those who were incredibly sociable whilst there were others who sought and enjoyed solitude. Of course it would be clear that whilst the example was children, it could be said the same for adults. So much so, they'd pick that up on their own without the promoting.
This next one is the big one. The big hurdle that has been around since civilization or whatever you'd like to deem...I'd say even before the enlightenment era. This biggest myth there is about Autism is that those diagnosed cannot learn. This is absolutely not true. The fault history has had and to some extent still has today is that if you don't fit the exact standards of what the education system or society seems ideal then you must be incapable of learning. This is a load of shit. Of course, through no fault of their own, the Romanians would immediately think this but no-no, we're getting educated today boys. As mentioned before, everyone has individualistic needs for them specifically. We can't blame the Romanians when they came from a society that tossed any kind of individualism to the side but we're gonna help them out. It's the same way. Those with autism most certainly can learn. Some, depending on the severity, need a different form of teaching methods and more time to really learn what is being taught. Some people pick things up better than others but we don't determine we shouldn't teach someone who's falling behind. As long as someone knows how to teach that specific person with a style tailored to them, the person will very much learn. However such time and effort wasn't given back in their era. So this is a whole other thing to them. The human race has moved past the demand someone knows something. We've progressed from being violent/hurting children to get a point across.
They'd greatly appreciate how refined those with Autism could be. Learning, skills and talent aren't just in what you can recite out of a textbook after all! Hearing that there are those who aren't so good with maths or languages but excell at drawing? They love it. If you have a talent then you should nurture it. The Romanians can't fault anyone for that. An example would be the man who inspired the film 'Rain Man' Kim Peek. From what I remember of psychology. Kim Peek had a photographic memory and could remember things like pages upon pages of a phone book. Highly intelligent stuff but whilst at a restaurant and told he was speaking too loud, without fail he'd slump into his seat, sliding down so that he appeared smaller in attempt to lower his voice. They'd be fascinated but you'd have to remind them that not everyone who has Autism displays such apparent behaviours. There are many who are on the spectrum and no one would have guessed upon meeting them.
So there is a lot of learning on their part but they would pick up very easily that those with Autism are very much like the rest of the population. They might act a little different sometimes or miss a social cue every now and then that leads to a very confusing encounter but that doesn't make them any less of a vibrant personality with likes and dislikes like everyone else who also deals with good days and bad days like everyone else. Whilst being Autistic is a part of being who someone is- that doesn't mean they won't have difficulty sometimes. The Romanians would be very sympathetic to that, recognising how confusing some daily situations can be to really grasp, especially when having a bad day.
They'd want to know if those with Autism consider it to be suffering constantly, a constant doom and gloom. They'll be relieved to hear it most certainly isn't! It isn't like suffering from an illness, it's living with something that's just a part of who you are and sometimes like everyone else, challenges will be faced.
Now that we've got the whole teach-the-Romanians segment let's pretend they know about Autism and their reaction upon meeting someone with Autism for the first time. They're watching every miniscule movement. They're already very good judges of character and will do their best to try and pick up on the expressions and movements of the person to make sure they aren't crossing any lines. They're very polite but are much more patient, ensuring the person is aware that their is no expectations. They don't need to worry if they make a mistake as they've likely already picked up that the person meant well. If anything they'll be more patient and give benefit of the doubt.
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"The Maud Couple” Is Good, Actually
[ID: Pinkie Pie, Maud, and Mudbriar stand outside in the daytime, looking at each other. Pinkie is smiling and talking with her hoof raised, while Maud and Mudbriar stare back blankly.]
In my experience, The Maud Couple (S8E3) is generally an unpopular episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic due to the introduction of the contentious character Mudbriar. It's understandably unpopular among the queer fans, who hate to see a shoehorned-in hetero relationship, and some neurodivergent fans who might take issue with Mudbriar's portrayal of autism.
These are legitimate grievances, but I think people don't give this episode a fair shake. I've put some thought into it, and I ended up taking a positive message away from this episode, even if it wasn’t the one intended by the writers. I'd like to delve into my feelings on the episode, which might help you better appreciate an underappreciated character.
[ID: Starlight Glimmer, wearing a mining helmet, smiles and looks behind her. In front of her there are large yellow, blue, and green gemstones embedded in a cave wall. Maud and Starlight’s reflection appears in every facet of the gemstones. Maud looks down as she talks.]
"Another reason I like rocks – they don't exclude you if you're... different than other ponies." (S7E4 Rock Solid Friendship)
Maud Pie is undeniably neurodivergent. Since her introduction, fans on the autism spectrum found lots of things to relate to: her lack of tone regulation in speech, her special interest, and her general difficulty in following the social rules that neurotypical people take for granted. In her first appearance, the Mane 6 found Maud difficult to understand, and none of them could get along well with her. The one thing they could agree upon was their love for Pinkie Pie. Pinkie grew up with Maud and they have an unbreakable bond. It’s a running joke in the show that while other characters struggle with Maud’s oddities, Pinkie finds nothing unusual about her.
The Maud Couple saw the introduction of Mudbriar, Maud’s boyfriend who she met offscreen. However, in his first scene, we don’t know his relation to Maud; he’s just an abrasive character that Pinkie can’t stand. Pinkie is shocked to discover that Maud would fall “in like” (Maud’s words describing her relationship with Mudbriar) with someone like him.
The irony of the situation is that Mudbriar is shown to be just like Maud. Maud says they have a lot in common, and they’re happiest when discussing their special interests. Later, Starlight (already established to be good friends with Maud) points out that Mudbriar sounds just like Maud, and Pinkie has trouble accepting that. The rest of the episode is about Pinkie learning to respect her sister’s love for Mudbriar, even if she can’t personally understand it.
[ID: Pinkie Pie wraps Maud and Mudbriar in a hug as they all sit together on a clifftop. The sun is setting behind them. Maud looks at Pinkie and smiles, while Mudbriar looks blankly at Pinkie.]
“Technically?! You’re right!”
Those are the facts of the episode. If Maud is such a popular character, why do so many fans have a bad reaction to Mudbriar? Is the episode wrong in portraying them as the same?
For starters, I think it’s notable that Mudbriar was not initially a sympathetic character in this episode. His first appearance has him severely aggravating Pinkie Pie, and the audience can easily sympathize with her. It’s a clever bit of writing that gives the audience the same exact struggle as Pinkie throughout the episode. The trouble is that many fans don’t feel satisfied by the end, and they can’t embrace Mudbriar the way Pinkie does.
Let’s take a look at Mudbriar’s behavior. Unlike Maud, he has a habit of correcting people over any little technicality. He brings the conversation to a halt when someone speaks with any ambiguity or inaccuracy, even something mundane that most would overlook as a normal and expected part of conversation. In fact, it seems to be his primary mode of communication. Like Maud, he doesn’t follow the typical rules of social interaction, which can make his conversations awkward and unpleasant.
Mudbriar’s behavior can be particularly off-putting to anyone who has experienced something like it. People who engage with internet communities have probably seen their fair share of pedantry-- an obsession with details that's frustrating to anyone trying to carry on a genuine conversation. I’ve seen Mudbriar’s behavior compared to “mansplaining” and Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, a character often cited as poor autistic representation (I can’t comment on this since I haven’t seen the show). The neurodivergent audience might not appreciate seeing an autistic character portrayed as annoying and abrasive, since that’s not how autistic people want to be seen.
[ID: Mudbriar and Pinkie Pie are standing in Pinkie’s party cave, with piles and shelves of party supplies in the background. Pinkie aggressively pushes her snout in Mudbriar’s face and scowls at him. Mudbriar looks down at her with a slight grimace.]
Mudbriar isn’t easy to get along with.
I’ve been very careful to avoid describing Mudbriar’s behavior as arrogant or rude, as it might initially seem. There’s a reason for this: Mudbriar is well-intentioned and never does anything mean. Despite the way his correction habit might come across, he never says anything to imply that he thinks he’s superior. He doesn’t look down on anypony. He genuinely tries to be helpful. He never even reveals any dislike for Pinkie Pie. Whether you would describe him as polite or rude is pretty subjective, but you’d be hard-pressed to find any real evidence that he’s condescending. Watch the episode again with this in mind, and you may find that Mudbriar is a much more pleasant character than you thought.
It’s pretty clear that his conversational habit has nothing to do with a sense of superiority. It could be better described as a simple quirk. He might genuinely have difficulty reading ambiguity in conversation, so he needs to find clarity before proceeding. It’s unfortunate that this quirk makes him come across as unpleasant, not only to neurotypical people, but also to other neurodivergent people who can’t vibe with this style of communication. But at least he found somepony who understands.
[ID: Maud and Mudbriar are standing outside in the daytime. Maud smiles at Mudbriar, who is talking happily with his eyes closed.]
Maud has no issue with Mudbriar’s constant corrections. In fact, they’re happiest when correcting each other.
So what does this say about his autistic rep? Well, every autistic person will feel differently. We certainly won’t all be able to relate to Mudbriar’s specific portrayal. But I’m sure a lot of autistic people can relate to being misunderstood for the way we talk or emote, for people reading extra meaning into our manner of communication that just isn’t there. I won’t say MLP:FIM is the most progressive show when it comes to autistic rep; there’s plenty to be said about its neurotypical perspective, consistently treating its autistic characters as a narrative “other”. But there’s plenty to appreciate as well.
This is the message I took away from this episode: at times in your life, you’re always going to meet someone with an experience you can’t quite understand or relate to. You may even be unable to get along with them for whatever reason, and that’s fine. Just give them a fair chance to be themselves without assuming the worst. This is a message I’ve taken with me everywhere, not just for neurodivergence, but for every way that people can be different from one another.
Is this the message that the episode writers intended? It’s hard to say. Pinkie Pie gets a lesson from her sisters about how people can be like geodes, and where Pinkie only sees a crusty exterior, Maud might see a glittering gem. It could be as simple as that. And you could argue that the writers failed to endear the audience to Mudbriar by the end. If they did, would that serve the message better or undermine it?
The Maud Couple can be a challenging episode to enjoy, but I like a good challenge, and I ended up enjoying it more once I took the time to think about it. And if you’ve read this far, I’m hoping that even if you can’t enjoy Mudbriar that much, you can at least appreciate what he stands for.
[ID: Pinkie Pie and Mudbriar are standing over a table in Ponyville. There’s a log wrapped up in gift wrap between them. They are smiling and shaking hooves with each other.]
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RIKU’S RANDOM LIFE: MENTAL HEALTH
May is the mental health awareness month, apparently, at least in the US. The perfect moment to tell you I only discovered yesterday, well into adulthood, that I have most definitely ADD. (Attention Deficit Disorder) A subtype of ADHD, the one without hyperactivity. Everyone knows it, right? That said, have you ever looked up the symptoms of ADD? Because I certainly didn’t. The list includes stuff like: forgetful and chaotic due to bad short-term memory, increased need for sleep, trouble expressing emotions, easily distracted, prone to (day)dreaming, difficulty staying on task and short attention span.
THAT’S LIKE THE PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF ME! WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS!?
I’m pretty sure my mother didn’t read this list either, otherwise she wouldn’t have wondered why I always seemed to forget every task she ever gave me! They had to literally block my bedroom door with the laundry basket to remind me. And even then, I would often forget to hang the laundry. I’d just step over it without even noticing it. It also explains why I found it hard to pay attention in class and especially in later years of secondary education found my mind drifting off far too often. Not to mention, as long as I can remember I’ve been sleeping 9-12 hours a day. It’s just three examples how ADD has affected me in my life and it still does.
Now, a disclaimer before I move on. I’ll be throwing around a lot of terminology from this point. However, I have no degree in psychology, nor do I have any official diagnosis. I speaking of personal experience and whatever information the internet fed me. This is a very incomplete account of everything these disorders/diablities entail, please don't use this to diagnose yourself.
Let’s continue, I was also yesterday years old when I discovered what PPD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) actually is. This terms has been all around me growing up with siblings diagnosed that way, but until yesterday, I didn’t quite understand what it meant. It was always described to me as “a diagnosis you get, when they can’t quite figure out what’s bothering you.” That doesn’t really make it sound like the diagnosis PDD-NOS has any meaning, but apparently it does. Did you know that PDD-NOS is actually an autism diagnosis? I sure didn’t. It means you’re autistic, but don’t fit into the other (two) old subtypes. Though, not too long ago everything was mashed together and now we're just speaking of ASD (Autism spectrum disorder), if I'm not mistaken.
While we’re at it, I actually learned only a few years ago that I am (most likely) autistic. I am not officially diagnosed, but reading and listening to other people’s experiences, it just makes so much sense. I recognize myself so much in other autistic people’s experiences. Discovering this, I felt such relief. I finally figured out what made me different from other people. Or rather, I discovered I was different and that was all right. I wasn’t just a failure as a human being. Autism can affect many parts of life. My struggles were real. It’s quite nice to know why I had these explosive meltdowns, even long after puberty ended. Or why my interests could be very intense, why I seem to dislike certain foods so much. Quite honestly, it explains everything! (Especially now I’ve added ADD to the mix.)
Social anxiety, performance anxiety, depression. It all stems from my autism (and ADD). It’s almost unbelievable no one caught on to all this sooner!
Well, to be honest, I think my mother knew to a certain degree. She has told me to see a psychiatrist, to find out if maybe there was something more. Unfortunately she never named the something. And my anxiety ridden body only imagined people giving me tasks to conquer my fears. Not people who could actively help me. So I refused. I would have been nice if I had known what ADD and PDD-NOS really were. Maybe just maybe I would have seen a professional sooner. Maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have struggled as much as I did. And maybe just maybe I wouldn’t have eventually wasted my time (and money) on some psychologist who, after a few sessions of me crying my eyes out, told me: “You need to get a grip on your emotions, otherwise we can’t start treatment.” …thank you, that’s was very helpful… NOT! I quit seeing her not long after that.
Today I'm mostly depression free, chronically stressed, the executive dysfunction is real, possibly in a burnout and constantly on the edge of a meltdown. After reminding myself five times, I finally put some chap stick on my dry lips. My short-term memory is still crap. (Reminder to myself: do the dishes and clean the kitchen, please!) But other than that I’m doing relatively well. I have an amazing boyfriend, who fortunately doesn’t seem to mind that I don’t have a job (and likely never will). The sun is shining (for now) and I spend my days mostly doing what I like while desperately trying to keep my house from descending into chaos. So, all is good. Good enough at least! Just taking it easy and waiting for better, covid-free times. ^^
(And now my anxiety is telling me that sharing this post may not be such a good idea... 'cause, what if people misunderunderstand what I wrote and think I'm doing worse than I am? ...so, please don't worry about me. I take good care of myself. All is fine... Sort of... As fine as it can be considering we're in a pandemic and I'm tired of having my boyfriend at home 24/7. Don't pity me... I am good as I am... I better stop rambling and just post this thing.)
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Let’s Talk About Cole
Hi! It’s me again with another segment of “Allison Can’t Stop Analyzing Dragon Age Characters.” This time, I am going to be talking about fan favorite Cole. I think it’s relatively universal for people to like Cole and to enjoy his character. People like to draw him, write about him, and just talk about our Fade Friend all the time. It’s great!
However, the nuance of Cole is a little harder to understand, and as with most characters, he often gets reduced down to basic qualities and then those basic qualities are changed ever so slightly that the character starts to not even feel the same anymore. I love Cole, and I have done some research about him in order to write a handful of scenes involving him, so I am just here to share some of the things that helped me out while I was learning about what makes him tick!
Step 1. If you have not read Asunder, I cannot more highly recommend it. It has so much information about Cole’s back story. Also, if you haven’t read Asunder and you don’t want spoilers for Asunder, you should probably go read it and then come back to my post later.
Step 2. The Cole section of this post right here is literally magic. The whole post is magic, but since this is a Cole meta, I’m specifically referring to the Cole piece.
Step 3. Things about Cole that are essential to understanding him:
Cole is Neurodivergent ( and no, it’s not up for debate)
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “Neurodivergent” is simply a word that describes a person whose mind works and processes information in a way that is considered different from an average joe neurotypical person. Often times neurodivergent is used to describe autism, ADHD, and other conditions that affect neurological development.
Because Cole is a spirit, he processes the world around him differently from non-spirit characters in the Dragon Age Universe. He perceives different things and understands things differently from how other characters might. Cole also has some misunderstandings and misperceptions about human social norms and boundaries, that he becomes more acquainted with over time. It is important to note that this development happens *regardless* of the path chosen for him with regard to Varric V. Solas (I am not a fan of this particular part of his character arc, but I am going to go into that later).
The fact that Cole is neurodivergent means that someone who is neurotypical is likely going to have a hard time understanding him and may perceive him as “childish,” “naive,” or “helpless.” They might also have difficulty understanding his speech patterns and especially recreating them if they seek to write him!
Neurodiversity is so important, and Cole is excellent representation, so it’s equally important that we strive to do our research and make sure that we are not removing that representation or presenting neurodiversity in a way that its harmful to others. Different is different, not bad, and certainly not less.
Cole is Not a Child
I mentioned above that there is a tendency to interpret Cole’s neurodiversity as childishness or naivete, and even when it is unintentional, it is an ableistic view point that can be harmful to entire communities of people. There is a pattern (not just in DA fandom, but also in DA fandom) whereby neurodiverse folks are often viewed as children. They’re infantilized and treated as if they are helpless and/or cannot make good decisions on their own. Cole suffers from this as does Merrill (sometimes Sera, too).
For Cole, this situation is not helped by the fact that the game portrays him as helpless and in need of a “father” figure to help him choose his path. Hence we see Solas and Varric arguing on whether Cole should increase is affinity for spirtdom or for humanity. I understand that everyone has their own opinion for what the “better” path for Cole is, and I’m not here to argue that; however, I do think that his arc would have had so much more meaning and been so much less invalidating for neurodivergent people if Cole had the autonomy to make his own decisions. In Asunder, we see Cole being very independent and making his own choices, figuring out who and what he is. At the very end, his very last line in the entire book is, “I’m not helpless anymore.” I don’t think that sounds like a character who cannot make his own decisions.
Fun fact: Cole is designed to be approximately 20 years old, which is the exact same age that Alistair was in Dragon Age: Origins. (While Alistair is also the victim of infantilization… it still puts things into perspective a little bit).
In order to avoid the “kid”/child dilemma, it is best to conceptualize some of the things in Cole commonly interpreted as childlike or immature as “newness.” In Inquisition, Cole has only been in the mortal realm for a few years, and he has only been cognizant of the fact that he is not a human, but a spirit of Compassion for even less time. Rather than treating him as a “baby” it is best to treat him as someone who is just learning a new culture, a new world.
Cole is a Spirit of Compassion, Not a Spirit of Matchmaking and/or Meddling in your Personal Affairs.
A trend I see often is Cole as matchmaker, or Cole as interested in every detail of everyone’s sex life or Cole being a filterless vent for whatever the people near him are thinking. It’s easy to assume that about him, as he does comment on a few relationships (Cullenmance, Solavellan, and Bullmance) in particular; however, there is an interesting tidbit of how Cole’s thought reading works located in his banter with Dorian.
Dorian: That little trick, Cole, when you dip into someone's mind and take a drink?
Dorian: Do you choose what you're looking for, or is it random?
Cole: It has to be hurt, or a way to help the hurt. That's what calls me.
Cole: Rilienus, skin tan like fine whiskey, cheekbones shaded, lips curl when he smiles.
Cole: He would have said yes.
Dorian: I'll... thank you not to do that again, please.
Essentially, Cole can only tap into thoughts that are 1.) Painful or 2.) Can help lessen the pain in some way, shape, or form. So, when he accesses thoughts about an LI or something else very personal, he does so to HELP. It is not random. It is not filterless. It is a very pragmatic way to be compassionate.
When I was thinking of ways to explain this, the first thing that came to mind was the work that I do as a mental health professional. We are actual practitioners of compassion. It is our job to listen to our clients and help them to solve the problems that are causing them to suffer. We ask a lot of deep questions and probe about a lot of personal things, but it is very targeted. We do not ask intimate questions just out of curiosity or just for the heck of it. It is geared toward the issue at hand. That is exactly what Cole does.
Unless prodding your OC about the details of their sex life is going to make them feel better, he will not bother.
Cole is Not an Innocent, Precious, Little Cinnamon Roll
First of all, that goes along with the infantilization of his character, so it’s just a really ill-considered choice of language to describe him. Second of all, it is simply not true.
I understand that for people who have not read Asunder or played the Champions of the Just questline (and especially people who have done neither) there is very little information about him to judge his character on, and what we do see is a person whose only mission, his sole purpose, is to help the hurt. That does seem very wholesome.
In Asunder, we see a much different side of him. Believing himself to be Cole, a young mage who died of starvation after being forgotten by Templars, Compassion roams about the White Spire in a confused and lonely daze, unaware that he is actually a very powerful spirit. He is called the Ghost of the White Spire, a legend that is terrifying to those that inhabit the tower. Why? Because he murders mages.
If you are thinking “oh, he probably killed them because he felt them suffering and he thought it was the only way to end their misery,” you are thinking exactly as I did, and you would be wrong. While he did target individuals who were despairing, it was not altruistic. He killed them because it felt good when they died, because that was the only time anyone could see him. The way the book describes it, it was almost an “addiction” or a physiological need for him to kill. He was distressed by his actions, but was not able to stop without Rhys’ help.
Over the course of the book, Cole learns more about his past and figures out what he is. He also, through the help of his relationship with Rhys and Evangeline, comes to understand that he does not have to murder people to be seen and remembered. When he is sent to the Fade using the Litany of Adralla, it all finally clicks and he returns to haunt Lord Seeker Lucius, for all the pain and suffering he caused his friends and loved ones. It is such a brilliant character arc and I so wish that we got to see more of it in the game.
Cole is a Person the Entire Time (Human vs. Spirit/Varric vs. Solas be damned)
Regardless of your opinion of Solas, one thing he gets right is in arguing that Cole is already a whole and complete person when he joins the Inquisition. He actually argues for the personhood of all spirits in general, and I think that any reasonable person can look at the spirits (and demons) with whom we have interacted so far and, putting aside feelings about Solas, draw the same conclusions.
Let’s take a look at all of the Spirits/Demons we have had actual interactions with thus far:
Valor
Justice
Compassion
Command
Wisdom
Choice
Desire
Pride
Sloth
Rage
Fear
Envy
While some of these interactions were minimal, each of these entities show qualities that one would associate with personhood. Qualities such as motivation, goals, higher order thought processes, emotions, etc. When we meet Justice in DA:A, he is a thinking, feeling being who longs to right wrongs and comes to care for mortals a great deal. He comes to this conclusion on his own after interacting with his companions in the events of the game. Choice, or Imshael, who we see in The Masked Empire, and in DAI, has such an identity of his own that he does not like to be referred to as a demon. I could go on. These are not mindless, thoughtless creatures, and so viewing them as people just makes sense.
This is part of the reason I do not like the Solas vs. Varric questline (aside from the fact that Cole should be able to choose or not choose as he wishes). Cole is already a person, and Varric’s line of thought is not “making him more human,” it is only serving to make him “less compassionate,” and that’s all. He becomes more selfish which is why he is able to have more of his own personal goals (it’s not because he did not have them before; rather, it is because they were drowned out by everyone else’s).
This is not to say that I think Cole should have to forgive his abuser. He shouldn’t. Not unless he wants to, and that choice should be his to make, not Varric’s, not Solas’, and not the Inquisitor’s. I have an opinion as to which path is better, but I’m not going to discuss that here because it will detract from the actual point which is that the language of “human” versus “not human” is just bad and here’s why.
It implies that forgiveness is not a human quality.
It implies that in order to be considered a person, one has to “think” and “do” as everyone else does.
Because of Cole’s romantic/sexual interest in Maryden when Varric’s path is chosen, it implies that lack of romantic/sexual attraction is not “human,” which is aphobic.
Because of his Maryden interest in the “human” path, and because he has “become more human” in his thought processes, it implies that neurodivergent people cannot or are not interested in relationships, which is ableist.
TL;DR: I’m not a fan of that questline. Your mileage may vary.
Finally, and Probably the Reason You Sat Through the Rest of It: Cole’s Speech Pattern!
Cole’s speech is really difficult to capture in a way that is both enough and not too much. It is not as simple as just seeing how much alliteration can fit into a chapter. Sure, Cole uses a lot of alliteration, and it is incredibly fun to play with while writing him; however, his communication is not as simple as that. If you check out the link I shared in Step 2, it will take you to a Character Files reference where there is some information about Cole’s speech pattern that is much more in depth than I am going to go so definitely check it out.
When I am writing Cole, I categorize his speech into three different types:
Synesthesia
- the alliteration, the purpley flowery descriptions, the metaphors, the in the moment, no regard for grammar, run on sentence speech he is known for. This comprises most of his dialogue.
Direct thought reading
- when he is actually quoting characters’ thoughts or stating their feelings out right. He might speak as them or he might speak as himself observing them.
Cole’s own thoughts
- Yes, he has them, and he has a lot of them. Many of these show up as his interpretations of and suggestions for others regarding their hurt. However, he also shows a lot of agency of thought. He wants to know if Dorian thinks he’s handsome, he talks about wanting there to be more rabbits in stories because Bunny was Cole’s sister’s name and it reminds him of her. Cole expresses a lot of his own thoughts and feelings if you just take time to listen.
Writing Cole effectively involves a good balance of all three types and I recommend just playing around with it!
To Sum It All Up
Cole is amazing, but he’s also often misunderstood and mischaracterized, and Allison has a lot of feelings about it that you could spare yourself from reading if you do Steps 1 and 2 and skip the middleman.
The end!
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