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loxxxlay · 3 years

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actually one brief rant -- it is interesting because i feel like a lot of the ragnarok discourse is characterized by: an emotionally explosive reaction to one very specific scene while ignoring the smaller, less emotionally jarring scenes that give a much broader context.

so on the surface those anti-ragnarok posts look like a really good analysis - because they ARE a really good analysis.... of that one specific scene.

but in divorcing that scene from the context, the analyzer betrays their own agenda.... similar to the way cancel culture will alienate one single line from its context to paint a certain picture of a person (though ofc less amoral considering this is fiction)

and its like... i get it. because that One Scene or that other One Scene evoked such emotion in you that, of course, it became ur center of focus.. whereas the scenes that didnt evoke emotion for u are harder to remember. but see, that is the exact textbook definition of Bias, and good analysis strives to find some level of objectivity (an impossible standard for us humans but makes for more compelling arguments when we try).

like i often try to say, the movie doesnt care how u feel about it. the movie doesnt give a shit if u liked it or didnt like it. the movie only cares about its own universe and its own metric and its own logic. the movie only cares about how its different little aspects build upon each other into a whole. the movie only cares about how it was trying to make u feel.

understanding what it was trying to do AND whether or not it was working is the building block to good analysis. and ragnarok discourse talks a lot about how it wasn't working... but NOT a lot about what it was trying to do.

for example (note: i dont feel this way, just giving an objective alternate perspective to show how this might work), good anti ragnarok discourse might take my recently reblogged post and say "the scene before the elevator was thor trying to open a conversation with loki to apologize about the hurt he had caused, but that scene wasnt very emotionally compelling or memorable bc of the fact that it was happening adjacent to a distracting fight sequence. later, it fell even more flat because the obedience disc scene contradicted many of thor's statements and was a lot more emotionally arousing and evisceral - thus, it was more memorable in comparison, making the earlier scene feel inadequate"

but instead all we see is "wow thor electrocuted his brother after centuries of already dominating him pre-thor; what a fucking ableist movie" ... which like sure, its a valid take for that scene if you would like to argue it (note: pls dont where i can see it T.T) but like... pre-thor is a context from a long time ago and another movie... is that pre-thor context relevant to this scene, according to the movie's intent? if so, then how did this scene remind you of it? what specific techniques did the movie use to bring it up for you?

like... we dont watch a movie scene about a girl getting chocolate cake for her birthday and think "omg this scene is conveying Abuse bc *i* dont like chocolate cake and forcing me to eat chocolate cake on my bday would be abusive." we consider the girl's reaction to the cake. we consider the narrative's opinion on what chocolate cake means in this specific context.

AND ITS TOTALLY VALID to be like "well even tho the movie is telling The Story of a Good Bday Party, i kinda wish they had writen a story about an abusive bday party instead bc that would have fit my personal preference better and i wanted to see a story like that about these characters." but that doesnt necessarily make it an objectively bad movie*. it just means u didnt like it.

(unless u can tie it to a Commonly Done and Very Clear perpetuation to a systemic problem in society... but even then u have to do the work of proving it... and avoiding sounding like ur in favor of censorship. and im not seeing that work get done very compellingly either.)

and i know the above examples are a BIT of an overexaggeration... but it's to help ppl get practice in seeing what this shit looks like for when its NOT so obvious. next time u see an anti-ragnarok (hell even a pro-ragnarok) post, consider not only what the poster is saying but also what they are NOT saying. which scenes are they NOT bringing up? are any of those scenes relevant? do any of those scenes possibly change the meaning of the post or add complexity? what made those scenes succeed or not succeed depending on ur opinion? and i guarantee that u will either start to see massive holes in their arguments or at least start to see places where u can ADD to their arguments constructively so that they stop leaning so aggressively into anti-other-ppl's-opinions territory idk

tldr; maybe id be more down to read ragnarok discourse more if it literally followed the Supporting Evidence -> Alternate Take -> Rebuke format that our poor english professors begged us to learn and we ignored... instead of this, like, total echo chamber of biased thoughts.

#i am generalizing #not all ragnarok discourse is like this #the vast majority is #and a lot of ragnarok positivity is like this too #the interesting thing tho is that ragnarok positivity posts i see are usually rebukes to ragnarok negativity #so they are already doing the above because they have to consider the context in order to rebuke an alt pov #whereas ragnarok discourse usually is in direct response to the movie #so considering a larger context isnt literally built into their thinking like it is #for ragnarok positivity #in short both sides would be stupid but luckily the design of the situation has led #to one side at least sounding less stupid #noah fence #lox talks personal #ragnarok positivity

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nervousndepressd · 3 years

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i feel like garbage, idk y i worry abt what other ppl think so much

i feel like u rlly convinced me for so long that i was a horrible person, that everything i did waa malicious

i was a mentally ill child, i was hurt and broken and i didnt understand how to love. u fucked up my brain in a way i still dont understand.

i get over things and i get over u but then i see u again and u kiss me and touch me, u treat me like im always yours yet i dont think i want to be.

i want to feel heard and i want to be safe from u. its so easy to go back and feel like nothings changed but so much has.

i crave ur validation, i dont get it

i feel like u have told ppl that i was horrible and abusive, i feel like u validate urself and escape from what u did to me by telling others a half truth, that they accept bcs u hide behind a vail of who u truly are

ppl see u as this innocent person but they dont know how u gaslit me for years, u diminished my emotions and called me weird for asking for normal things a partner may want.

u still treat me like one day ull marry me, but u act in disgust when i ask for a little bit more of u.

im so tired of it, i want to hurt myself, i want to die

why do u have this control over me, after what u did i should have plastered ur name over the internet and called u out for who u are

i feel like i cant escape it, my one home away from my toxic household is filled w ppl u know, w ppl who u have lied to abt me.

u have always failed to see the ways in which u hurt me

i feel so hopeless i feel like giving up that even if i go to therapy for years my memory will be stained with what u did to me, how i was treated for years and just took it

no matter how hard i tried it wasnt ever enough, so i got tired of trying, even after u assaulted me and i didnt know for months i still tried to stay by u

i didnt have feelings for anyone else i was trying to get out, im still trying to get out

i want to be free from needing u, i want to feel safe and comfortable within my skin

i dont feel like i can ever heal, as much as i continue i still feel scarred and broken

the worse part is is that that feeling is what keeps me going back to u, that because of what u did no one else will ever love me, u constantly told me, u would yell it at me, that no one would be batter than u that no one could love me like u did. but that wasnt love yet i still believe it, that i am not worthy of someone else loving me and i feel like it just gets proven over and over

im annoying and a burden and pushy and weird

that all im good for is being used by men and i should just accept that, i shouldnt rlly try for anything, like fuck i dont even have any real goals

im stuck exactly where i was, i cant get out and id just rather it be over

i wanna do drugs and get drunk and just live up to all the low expectations everyone set for me, even u

u never made me feel like i could amount to anything other than being your little housewife, one that u get to use and belittle and hurt

i wish u wouldnt fucking lie abt it tho, i wish ud just accept what u did, maybe then id actually get through it but that isnt who u are

u want to paint urself in a positive light, u couldnt even accept the small thing u did to me, why would u admit to raping me?

after all u did i still find it so hard to let go of this good guy vision i have of u, that its in the past

everytime i went back to u though it got worse, the things u did the things u said, it feels impossible to break this cycle

that im either going to let this happen till something so horrible happens that vision of u breaks forever in my mind or we stay stuck, for the rest of our lives i stay stuck to u and i do what u say and i follow in your footsteps

but i fear so deeply that itll just devolve, so much that u yelling and u hurting me is just normal

i wanna scream, i wanna cut and i wanna die

im so tired

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 4 years

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17 Questions & 17 Answers

thanks to @vishcount for tagging me, as usual 💞

am tagging the usual suspects (i am so sorry) @the-cloud-whisperer , @sassyassassy , @isabellaofparma. don’t feel pressured to do it, just have fun and i always love getting to know ppl

NICKNAMES: hmm i don’t have many cause my real name doesn’t give much options for nicknames but my dad calls me ‘tukki’ and my sister calls me ‘schrubsi’ (no i won’t explain)

ZODIAC SIGN: leo, and i am not vibing with it

HEIGHT: 164 cm (yes i am a hobbit)

HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw

LAST THING I GOOGLED: ‘baltic countries’ (after a daunting conversation with my dear friend that made me realise i know far less about the baltics than i had assumed dfghjkl)

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: criminal by taemin

NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS: 455 and i have no idea how

AMOUNT OF SLEEP: today or like in general? today around 4, and my ideal amount is somewhere between 8-10 hours

LUCKY NUMBER: maybe it sounds basic but i have always liked 8

DREAM JOB: writer and just being able to study at uni for my whole life (as a researcher maybe? professor? idk)

WEARING: fluffy blue socks with a bunny on it (!!!!!), black loose pants, comfy black hoodie

FAVE SONG: am gonna follow vishie’s example and list my current fave songs (cause how the fuck can i choose my favourite song, it’s impossible):

Sunset Rollercoaster - Candlelight (feat. OHYUK)

So!YoON! X Phum Viphurit - Wings

Yin Zheng -《一生所爱》

Cults - Always Forever

Lucidvox - Странствия (or just Lucidvox in general, i have been listening to them a lot these past days)

FAVE INSTRUMENT: hmm, am always very sensitive to piano and string instruments, but this year i discovered the armenian duduk which is just. breathtaking. also i love bagpipes (tbh there are so many instruments to like)

FAVE AUTHOR: as with everything else, there are many, but i am gonna say virginia woolf, ocean vuong and richard siken because they are what i aspire to be writing-wise.

FAVE ANIMALS NOISES: hmmmm maybe wales singing? it’s haunting and so beautiful. i also like the call of pheasants and of pigeons cause that gives me a ver peculiar feeling that i connect with my childhood

RANDOM: last night i dreamt that i was trying to fit boxes in my brain similiar to korean chaekgeori paintings and that i had a small horse as a pet in my room. later in that dream something hacked into my computer which resulted in cryptic messages appearing on my bedroom walls and my flatmate helped me solve the virus or whatever it was; but we could not finish cause something happened in town with demon-like beings appearing (???) and i just remember being surrounded by destruction and acid-like liquid and everything was melting black and red. i don’t know either help me

HAVE A RECENT PIC:

i don't have pics of myself but i liked this outfit

#tag game #personal #this was fun as usual but i don't like my face

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swtki · 3 years

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I just realized that I’ll never be able to draw what I want, because dysgraphia.

It directly inhibits my ability to outline, draw, trace, color within lines, and free hand drawing is completely impossible for me.

I wanna draw, but when I do it looks wrong. And not in that “all artists hate their work” I mean I should be able to create whats in my head, whats on the reference photo. Proportions are always wonky and I cannot draw anything other than front facing profile.

Idk I’m pretty sure that only ppl with dysgraphia will understand how I’m feeing rn :/ bc no amount of practice will erase the key components of my disability.

Storytime:

when I was in primary school, I had an art teacher and she assigned us a project where we would draw The Blue Dog in our own scene.

Well, I draw mine, I bring it up to her for approval, and she tells me to do redraw it because it looked “sloppy and lazy”. So I go back and restart, and I didn’t think much because some other kids had to also redraw theirs.

I finish, bring it to her, she tells me that its still not right, that it did not resemble what the assignment was (it was a fucking dog in outer space) so she sends me to redraw it. I feel a little shitty because my peers are all painting by this point. But, I redraw it, fix some things that I CAN help. Once again, turned away and told to redraw it.

After 3 times of redrawing it, she gives up and gives me the ok.

yeah I just think about that

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

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January 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - Writing RPF

We had a great time chatting with Taylor, @impalaimagining! Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your thoughts and experience!

Our topic this month was Writing RPF, and we talked about the legal, moral, and emotional aspects of writing about real people. A rundown of the chat, as well as general Pond news, is below the cut!

We started off the chat with the legal side of things, most of which was covered back when we talked about Monetizing Fan Works back in May. Here are the related links that were brought up:

Wikipedia: Legal issues with fan fiction (The section dealing with RPF is near the bottom under Right of Publicity.) Boiled down, RPF has to deal with a celebrity's Right of Publicity. Famous people have the right to control the commercial use of their name, image, and likeness, sometimes even their broader identity or persona. Most states’ laws on this only apply to uses for commercial gain. So, don't try to get paid directly for RPF, and you're safe.

From NPR: We Stan: Real Person Fan Fiction Comes To Life. This is a fascinating discussion about RPF, the legalities, and how it’s been changing in recent years. This argues that basically since “fiction” is right there in the name, RPF is inherently more legal than regular fan fiction based off of characters. No one is trying to say that the real people involved are actually doing these things, it’s just fiction.

Goodreads Genre: Fan Fiction - Real Person Fiction. When I was researching, this link came up, and I clicked it, not knowing what to expect. Finding that Fan fiction, much less RPF is on Goodreads was surprising to me. (I thought Goodreads was only about books that could be purchased and didn’t touch “unpublished” works, but I guess not?) What I found most interesting was exactly how many of the titles listed on that page are J2-related. There are more J2-related titles than all of the others COMBINED. As a fandom, we rock!

The discussion started with most folks saying they hadn’t considered the legalities of fan fiction, or RPF in particular, when they began writing. Their first concern was just getting the story out of their head and onto the paper. Also, since no one was getting paid for it and it’s so popular, no one questioned the legalities. Also, since it’s fiction, there’s no defamation of character.

@mrswhozeewhatsis (Michelle): Most people know that I generally don’t read RPF, unless it’s an AU. Way way way back, when I first started reading fan fiction, I used to read the occasional RPF. Honestly, before SPN, I never really liked an actor enough to want to know more about them. (I've been burned by some jerk actors in the past.) One of the first RPFs I ever read was from Jared's POV, and it contained a scene where he was on stage at a con, and detailed his thoughts. I forget what the inciting incident was, but suddenly he was thinking, "Great, now they're all thinking about how big my dick is," and it made him spiral. Something about that stuck with me, to the point that I cringe every time I see Jared on stage and anything remotely sexual comes up. That's pretty much what stopped me from reading RPF. I have no problem thinking about how big Sam's dick is, but I can't ponder too much about Jared's dick, or I can't look him in the eye when I see him at cons!!!

Taylor: I definitely think there is a very fine line to be walked when you write RPF, and I generally don't cross into the area of writing from an actor's POV.

Q: Is that how you keep it separate so you don’t stare into their faces at a con during a photo op and think about the smut you wrote about them?

Taylor: It can be hard to keep it separate sometimes but it's actually very easy in the moment of a split second photo op. They move so quickly, I don't genuinely think I have ever had the time to consider the things I've written about them while I was talking to and hugging them!

Q: Anyone else who doesn’t read/write RPF, do you think that the whole not being able to look them in the eye is an internal thing for anyone in your life, or just celebs?

@manawhaat (Mana): For example, I have A. FUCKING. LOT. of sex dreams. With tons of people, celebs and people I know in my real life... and I don't want to say that it's jaded me as far as thinking sexual thoughts about people, but in a way it kind of has. I don't have that moral dilemma of not being able to look Jared in the eye after thinking about his dick. Taylor: I completely agree. I think writing it has made me kind of impervious to it bleeding into my daily life. I see Jared and my heart goes ohmygodwelovehim first and in person, then later when he's not around is when the wowowowbutwhatabouthisdick comes in. Michelle: I don’t think I could write about anyone in a smutty way. Just characters.

Q: I wanted to talk about 'characterization' of rpf. Do other rpf writers out there think of the people as characters and treat them that way, or do you humanize them? Idk if that question makes sense but it's along the same lines of keeping them separate.

@fogsrollingin (Alex): I cast them in other stories when it's rpf. I always write rpf AUs with only a couple exceptions. We know their onscreen mannerisms, so making them astronauts terraforming a new planet with evil aliens on it is like "oh easy". Taylor: Characterization is huge for me. If someone writes an actor outside of the way they portray themselves, it's impossible for me to read. While we don't know these people personally, we know how they act outwardly and in the public eye, and that's enough to get a good idea of the kind of person they would be. Michelle: I have no trouble reading AUs, because it's just another character who happens to look like and have the name of one of my favorite actors. In AUs, they're characters. If they are actors on a show called Supernatural, then it's too humanizing for me. Taylor: See, Michelle, my mind can't separate it to that degree. If I'm reading about someone named Jared who looks like our Jared? It's Jared. AUs give me a lot of trouble, to be honest. Both writing and reading. Alex: I feel like it's no different than if Jared did a scifi movie during his summer break from spn & it's so low budget they just kept his real name for his character name.

Q: Do you feel differently reading ship RPF than reader insert RPF?

Michelle: Most of the RPF stories I read are ships, but I do read some reader inserts, too. It’s not an intentional choice either way. Alex: I don't feel differently about it, rly. I know I prefer reading ships over reader insert but that's just my personal jam. Mana: I have a hard time reading ship rpf mainly because I like the versions of my ships that I've built in my head, so when someone deviates from that it is a little turn off for me. Like, your version of Cockles is not the same as my version, which is totally fine, you do you, but it isn't gonna tickle me the same way ya know. so when I get into like non-mainstream ships it's extra difficult to find writers who represent them in the 'right' ways. Taylor: I feel that way about pretty much everything I read, and I think that has a lot to do with the whole characterization piece of it. I know that my idea of and the way I portray Jared or Jensen is probably a million times different than the way other people, including my readers, think of them. I try really hard to make sure the way the actors come across is "right". Mana: I think the one big piece of characterization is kind of using the way they have presented themselves as a moral compass. Obviously they don't present their whole selves so there's always wiggle room and areas where you are free to project your ideas of them into the fic, but that's also the trickiest area and where so many people drop the ball. Taylor: YES. So, so many people take that wiggle room and take it leaps and bounds beyond what is public (fandom) knowledge.

Q: How do you feel about RPFs that support certain theories about the wives being beards and such?

Mana: I try to not write anything that would feel as if I'm slandering anyone, etc. I wouldn't want to write a Jensen x reader fic where Danneel cheats on him and that's how they get together. If I mention it at all I just say that they've peacefully and amicably parted ways. If I don't mention it then they simply don't exist in the timeline. But never anything negative about anyone, especially the wives. @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish (Kaisha): I don't write smut (only read) so I have a very different interpretation on a lot of the things being discussed. I tend to stick with non-AU, sister/daughter!reader insert RPF fics because I don't feel creative enough branch out beyond that. I feel the same as Mana, and I actually won't read fics that are based on the premise that someone cheated for the storyline to work. Alex: I'm okay if ppl deviate far into fantasy realms tho. As long as it's not too support a real life conspiracy theory about the actors, if ppl wanna write it & others like it, all the more power to them. I mean as long as you're like "I killed the wives during the zombie apocalypse in my fic but I love them in real life please don't kill me" I'm like "cool". Taylor: I avoid bashing fics or beard fics. Admittedly I have one where Jensen and Danneel never got married, but they still had a daughter together and Danneel hid the kid from him until her 5th birthday. That doesn't feel like a bash/slander fic to me because I'm not painting anyone as a bad person - things just played out differently.

Q: The person who suggested this topic mentioned “how to write your first RPF.” Any suggestions?

Michelle: Have Mana finish it for you! (The only one I’ve ever written, she had to finish for me!) Alex: My first rpf was a ballerina!Jared & yogi!Misha romcom. It was so goofy! Taylor: I don't know if I can even answer that question. It literally just poured out of me when I started. I took the tiny little idea I had in my head (my daydream, as it was previously and so aptly named), and put it into words and it ended up being a 10 part series. Mana: How to write your first rpf: READ RPF FROM A LOT OF DIFFERENT WRITERS. find what works for you and for the people you're writing about. do a couple of trial runs with shorter fics. you have room to play, but try not to stray too far from what they've presented themselves as in real life. Kaisha: For me, when I wrote my first RPF (which was also my first fic), I was in a mental place where I was watching a lot of con videos and reading a lot of sister/daughter fics. It was more "I need an outlet for how I am feeling right now and I don't have anyone to talk to"...so I talked to the image of the boys I had made in my head from what I saw of them online.

Q: Does character shipping affect the RPFs you read? Like, if your OTP is Destiel, do you mainly only read Cockles?

Kaisha: I will read almost anything that's related to one of the Js, either RPF or SPN. But I don't have strong ship feels one way or another that changes what I read/write for RPF. Taylor: I don't know if character ships have any kind of effect on RPF ships. Because there are a lot more people involved in cons than we see on the show, and cons are my primary source of RPF inspiration. Like, we see Henry, what, twice in the show? But Gil McKinney is a whole other story. He's all over the convention circuit (or at least he used to be) and also all over fandom twitter. It just feels easier for me to write RPF because I see these actors in my real life, interacting with other real people. I have interacted with them, which makes things feel a lot more real than writing about two hot fictional dudes from my TV screen. Alex: I'm definitely up for Sam/Dean as much as I'm up for J2. Oddly tho it's Mishalecki at real life con panels that's gotten me totally happy to write/read Mishalecki.

Q: (From Taylor) The piece of RPF I struggle with the most is bringing events from the actors' real lives into my stories. Writing about Jensen and the brewery, about their kids and stories they tell about them at cons, that's where my already grey area turns even more grey.

Kaisha: I am right there with you Taylor! My fic started as mostly the reader and JJ interacting and then I remember the twins existed, too. And with my new fic I am trying to figure out if the San Jac and FBBC will work in or not. Mana: I'm interested in this, because I don't seem to have that issue or gray area. It just doesn't exist for me and I'd like to hear more about it from you guys. Taylor: It's so hard haha. I have something coming up that deals with Jared being arrested and of course I didn't post it before that whole event went down so now it looks like I'm taking that part of his life and twisting it for my personal fiction needs. Which feels kinda (adult word for "not good"). Kaisha: For me the gray area thing is because I want to write a believable story. A believable story has realistic details and if I am ignoring or overlooking things that my audience knows to be true, I feel it takes them out of the story. Mana: So it's a case of omit it entirely or commit to it entirely? I ask in regards to like FBBC and the kids. Do you feel differently about incorporating those aspects into your fics? would you be more comfortable writing about fbbc than you would the kids? Or does that gray area cover the same on both? Kaisha: The same thing goes for when I beta read something. A detail that I don't remember or agree with will take me out of the story and send me on a research rabbit trail to know if the author is correct with what they said. I want to stay in the story as much as possible and I want that for my readers too. That's probably a good way to differentiate it. If I state in the A/N that J1 only has 1 kid, then I don't have to consider what year the story is occurring in. But if I tell you it's non-AU, well then everything that is happening in our universe should be happening in my story (otherwise, it would be AU, even to the slightest degree). The kids vs. FBBC thing I think could be very personal on which someone feels more comfortable with. I say that because I know ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING about alcohol. Kids on the other hand I get. Taylor: For me it's the same. Just, actual concrete aspects of Jensen's life are harder for me to write about. Because then - again, just for me - that feels like writing from their point of view, which is something I try to avoid.

Q: Do any of you read/write RPF outside of SPN?

Taylor: SPN is my only fandom. Michelle: I tried to read fics from other fandoms, and just couldn’t get into it. I might be getting sucked into The Witcher fandom, though. Haven’t found any Geralt fics that really align with my image of him, though. Alex: There are CW network RPF AUs I read. Taylor: I feel like, as SPN fans, we have a wonderful privilege and incredible pool of writers to choose from when we want to read. I don't know, because like I said SPN is my only fandom, if any other fandom has this level of talent or dedication.

Q: Have you ever read an RPF fic that changed the way you viewed an actor? Or given you a sense of gained insight into their lives?

Michelle: That's actually why I don't read “canon-compliant” RPF, actually. Because then I might think that idea is real, and won't see that it's not, even when proven wrong. Like, maybe Jared actually loves it when we think about how big his dick is? But I can't stop thinking that it embarrasses him and makes him uncomfortable because I read it in that one fic. Kaisha: @crashdevlin has a Jensen x reader series that also heavily features Tom Hiddleston. My view of Tom has forever been changed because of her story! Michelle: My brain is very malleable. Sometimes, I'm so open-minded, my brain falls right out. I have to be careful what I let influence me. Kaisha: It wasn't something that I intended to happen. Crash just wrote a very compelling character and I think my opinion would have been altered no matter who it was that she used as the face. Taylor: I've never read anything that has changed the way I view the actors. I've certainly read things that have given me new ideas about the things they enjoy (bitey and/or rough smut), but nothing that's changed the way they appear in my mind. I think the biggest part of all of this is just remembering that all of this is 100% FICTION and should never be taken as reality in any way, shape, or form.

To close out the chat, Mana requested fic recs! Here are the recs that were mentioned:

Michelle: If you're into serial killer AUs, There's a J2 AU in my AO3 bookmarks that's genius. Adoration. The other RPF bookmark I have is called Beholder. Jared runs an animal shelter, and Jensen is a homeless man with a TBI who gets dumped at the shelter one night.

Alex: My favorite rpf fic is Tails by keep_waking_up. Werefox!Jared & kitsune!Jensen law enforcement murder mystery AU.

Taylor: One of my favorites to read is by @thecleverdame: Modern Technology. (Jared x reader) This is unfinished but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite Jensen-things I've ever written, AND IT'S AN AU!!! Rockabye. Also, there’s You Saved Me (Jared x Reader). And have a J2 x Reader for funsies! Something is Happening

Kaisha: This is my favorite RPF. Underneath verse (series) - J2 - Jensen is the undercover FBI agent sent to take out Jared, the boss of Chicago. #Self-promo, but I am pretty proud of this one, too: Nanny, Sister, Daughter...Family (Jenneel with sorta daughter!reader)

Mana: Here’s the Cockles x Reader fic that Michelle and I wrote: Rumor Has It And, of course, (Jenneel x Reader) Fools In Love.

Feel free to reblog with your favorite RPF fics!!

Also, the February LiveChat info is still TBD. Feel free to send in your topic ideas and suggest guest speakers!!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

What we’ve got cooking up next: Not much, at the moment, since everyone is busy, so we’re just trying to keep up with the day-to-day at the moment! Our to do list is still long, though, and will not be neglected forever! Next up is organizing the tagging system on the blog to make it easier for readers to find the stories they’re interesting in and for writers to find the help they’re looking for!

Reminders:

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work! IF YOU HAVE SENT IN A NOMINATION, BUT HAVE NOT RECEIVED A PRIVATE MESSAGE CONFIRMING WE RECEIVED IT, WE DIDN’T GET IT. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

Say hi to December’s New Members and January’s New Members! (If we missed someone, let us know!)

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the Skype chat room/discord general channel and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details! The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

We’re getting lots of requests for more Big Fish, lately, but so far, only one applicant! If you know someone you think would be a good Big Fish, tell them to apply!!

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tbhstudying · 5 years

Note

what are ur favorite glossier products

oh ho ho ho, i got you covered!! also, if u wanna purchase anything, u can use my referral link to get 10% off :”) dw it’s not an affiliate code, it’s just that friend link thingy that glossier has set up

things i love

milky jelly cleanser

it’s rose-scented so some ppl might not like it, but god it’s one of the few cleansers that doesn’t break me out and doesn’t leave my skin feeling stripped

it’s like my luxury version of cetaphil lol i use this to make myself feel rly good and pampered, i love it

balm dot com

mango, rose, and birthday are my favs

didn’t like coconut but i just don’t like coconut in general (but my mom wanted it lol) + i hate cherry flavored / scented things so i didn’t bother getting that flavor

boy brow

super natural, love the way it applies and i just repurchased another one! can’t go without it :”)

lash slick

definitely lengthens ur lashes and doesn’t give u raccoon eyes which !! i love !!

might not be for u if ur into the volume rather than the length thing

lowkey wish it was more?? thickening and more volumizing if that makes any sense? but it’s a v v nice natural look and im satisfied

gen g lipstick

hm maybe this doesn’t belong in this category but im sticking it here anyways

love the way it applies and wears (altho i do put lip balm on before applying) but the shade i have (like) is exactly the same color as my regular lips so i can’t say much abt color payoff

im saving up to buy a different shade + im gonna see how that shakes out

things that aren’t worth it

solution

god i have such a beef abt this one

“all skin types” is such a lie

gave me a chemical burn + rashes + worsened skin texture

also i found strange white thread-ish things and when i asked glossier abt it, they were like?? super private abt it and were like “sorry we can’t disclose anything” and i was like ?? just tell me if it’s still ok to use or if smth went bad or ???

lidstar

super patchy, harder to apply, rubs off with ur finger easily when u try to apply w/o the doefoot applicator, and not worth the price :(

regular priming moisturizer

it’s fine but it’s not worth the price

priming moisturizer rich is more worth it imo but even then, you can still find cheaper alternatives, u know?

skin tint

shouldn’t even be called a tint. more like,, A Ghost of bb cream

also very slick imo? i have normal to dry skin, but this still made my face feel and look very slippery and sweaty

i guess that’s the Dew (tm) but im not here for that

things i’m ambivalent on

haloscope

definitely better to rub ur finger on the stick and then apply with ur finger vs rubbing the stick on ur face

oil core has coconut oil in it which may make some ppl break out

idk, it’s nice but i feel like it’s overhyped

cloud paint

wow if haloscope was overhyped, then this one is ultra-hyped

ok maybe im not the target audience here bc im not a blush person (although i love buying blush lmao, i love me some paradoxical idiosyncrasy)

the packaging is cute but it’s impossible to get a tiny amt. it just,,, Globs Out :( feel like i waste more than i use

nice to blend, ok, ok, but,,, idk,,,, miss beam doesn’t look as good on me :(((( miss dusk tho! that color’s probably my fav

but ya i just feel like i had way too many expectations for this one

wowder

i mean, it’s powder. it’s not mind-blowing

i’ve only used powder compacts, but wowder has taught me that i have little patience for loose powders

stretch concealer

very balmy, almost oily? you gotta set this baby or it will slip and slide :( folks with oily skin might not like this as much, idk

lip gloss

i feel like im committing a cardinal sin by sticking this one here, but i gotta face the truth... it’s Clear Lip Gloss. you can find Clear Lip Gloss anywhere else for a cheaper price, and that’s that

it’s a much more stickier and tackier gloss that stays put on ur lips vs a more slippery one, so if ur into that, then this might be a good choice. if ur not, stay away from it

but ya,,,,,, it’s Clear and also i feel like im running thru it so quickly even tho i only use it for Special Occasions (tm)

#god this is such a long answer #i was gonna be a rep and affiliate for glossier but that fell thru #i still have all the products they sent me tho lol #glossier #skincare #beauty #makeup #anon #ask

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rgr-pop · 4 years

Photo

i watched a bunch of project pan videos while i cleaned my brushes and...FINE! i’ll do it this year. some of this i’ve been working on with this intention for ages but maybe if i name it, lol. i should probably participate in online spaces where the other ppl are doing this but....ok! not counting the stuff i’ll definitely use up (brow pencils, mascara, my daily powder, mac fix+ etc). mostly minis but leave me alone:

FACE

thebalm mary lou manizer. this is really as good as people claim, and i really am going to, as the hurus say, “enjoy using it up”--good looking pan on that already!

too faced chocolate soleil bronzer. looking forward to rewarding myself with mac taupe in place of this, and a cream contour if i can find one like fenty amber for cheaper. i use it on my eyes a lot also, like i could use this as an eye contour colour every day with whatever else i do, but i’ll be happy to switch that function to that medium brown in the naked 1.

benefit f...fake up? this is the product that is now the boiing hydrating concealer. this is kind of nice and i’d consider buying it again, but i like more undereye coverage now actually. there’s only a few uses left of this!

this hard candy liquid illuminator that was never good but which i’ve been determined to defeat. it’s maybe down to a third, but the last few times i tried to wear it it got kinda clumpy. might be a loss.

model co blush in peach bellini. hate to want to give this up because it’s gorgeous and one of my favorite blushes, but it breaks constantly and i’m sick of babysitting it. i also wear it very heavy so this should be doable. will maybe replace with a higher end version of the same concept, a rusty coral full of shine.

benefit girl meets pearl. i can probably finish this up in a few weeks if i pay attention!

the face stuff i probably won’t make any progress on til the summer

benefit pores no more. probably just a few more uses left in this, i’m hoping i can make winter space for it (want to feel better buying the elf putty primer when i get a chance to)

dr. brandt pores no more. pretty full mini but if i use up the above asap i can get this finished by the end of summer.

tarte natural cheek stain. this is so so so old and inexplicably still gorgeous, i figured it’s only a matter of time and i should probably target it, for the summer when it looks nicest. probably quarter of an inch left of this.

benefit fine one one. another creamy cheek thing that is nicest in the summer. probably half an inch left. i’m determined! if rgr finishes cream blushes, she can have a nudestix cream blush the hurus love? as a treat?

this physicians formula high alcohol setting spray--there’s so much left of this and i’m going nowhere, but i reaaaallly wanna use it up so i can move on to a bottle of ud all nighter sephora accidentally gave me. i so rarely wear this kind of setting spray! i will not pan this, and i should pass it on to someone else. it’s like loaded with alcohol lol

EYE

very old urban decay midnight cowgirl? idk, got a lot of pan, and since it’s more like a glitter additive i feel like it won’t make me feel stifled to work on this.

this “eye polish”?? what it is is a bottle of shimmery loose shadow on a foam applicator thing. it’s stupid to use and impossible to decant but i’m gonna try to remember to use it for my inner corner because it is actually so gorgeous

essence make me brow. unclear how i haven’t used this up??? it goes and goes

stila silver dollar. i have three silver eyeliners, they’re all nice but this is my least favorite because it’s so white. since it’s a stick and not a pencil i should use it before it dries up.

i’ll add some colourpop super shocks to this when i get duraline to freshen em up, probably.

LIP

this starlooks creamy nude gloss thing. this is actually pretty nice but i doubt i’ll use it up, i’ll just give it til the fall or so. i’m sick of looking at it.

buxom soft matte whatever in centerfold. lots of retailer birthday gifts here lol. this is too warm for me to love but i’m gonna give it a shot.

urban decay 69 in the old REVOLUTION formula. fuck, i’ve been working on this for years and i accidentally fell in love with it. it’s gorgeous on me. a wetter red lipstick is really the thing. i’ll use it up easily but miss it when it’s gone, and i’ll consider repurchasing in the new vice formula but revlon’s fire and ice is very close to this, a tiny bit darker.

colourpop the rabbit. this is fairly full but it’s a liquid lipstick that i actually like wearing so i should try to use it all up. this is what i was wearing the other night, at new years.

colourpop trap. listen... i bought the closest lipstick dupe to this and it’s just not the same. i’m gonna miss this! there’s maybe like 2 wears left in here.

the tarte lip paint thing in birthday suit. i actually kinda like this, for a nude, and i’ve worn it enough that i should be able to use it up.

bare minerals marvelous moxie lipstick in get ready. more birthday nudes! it pains me to put this on here because it’s actually one of my favorite lipsticks and one of the best formulas i’ve ever tried, and they don’t make it anymore! i looove wearing this. a brighter nude, still nude. a pleasure to wear. i should just use it up and, again, as they say, “enjoy it.”

gingerbread lip balm for going under all these fucking liquid lipsticks

makeup forever whatever in no9 or something. this is a brownier nude, which i’d like if it wasn’t an inferior version of one i like from urban decay or something. i probably won’t actually finish this and it’s starting to dry out, but i oughta take a crack at it.

rimmel exaggerate lipliner in rich. i wear lipliner a lot more now (workdays) and want to beef up my stash, but first i wanna get rid of all the old ones and twist-ups that might dry out. this might be close to done.

see you in the next quarter! whoms joining me

#pan #not doing skincare because my skincare is carefully edited already!#also i just ran out of everything and replaced it #makeup

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diaryfullofsparklesandkisses · 1 year

Text

Downsides to working:

I get nothing done

Zero creativity

No time or motivation for basic things

Tired from physically working

Upsides to working:

Not feeling guilty for being unemployed and failing at being creatively successful

Rent is easily paid

Health insurance

Saving money

It’s worth it. Unfortunately I’m still pretty convinced my actual purpose in life is to be creative and have a career with that and benefit ppls lives. And the failure will continue to make me sad, I mean what do I expect lol I’m just average at everything I do which is fine, it’s normal. But ya know, it’s not great to always be knowing your dreams and giving up on them.. actually executing some and having them flop because getting lucky would be so strange and slim. I mean like knowing u have something unique to offer but knowing u won’t be able to get a seat at the table because that’s just the way it is being small. Normal and fine, it happens to ppl every day. We have to expect it and be ok w it. It’s just nice when ppl interact with ur creativity, or u know it made their day better, or that ur painting is in their house and they look at it and like it all the time. It’s like ur adding something worthwhile to the world w ur gift and talent. That seems cooler than working every day monotonously just to come home and be too scrambled to get it together to work more.. the guilt of being unemployed was horrible, it’s so burned into our society. Like forbid u take a day “off” when unemployed to do nothing, that feels even worse. It feels amazing but the internal judgement of “laziness”. It weighs a lot. Idk I don’t care about my life that much but fuck this world that would make a setup where someone like what I’m describing can’t fully express their gift. I distance it from myself cuz idk about my gift lol I’m kinda weird and uggo. But artistic identity placed on someone else, I would want them to go full potential mode. I guess for myself working is absolutely a million degrees below my full potential but it’s what I have to do to survive. I have to kill my dreams (that aren’t even that farfetched lmao) and I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn’t like it.. this sounds so silly probably like I don’t want to make it sound like I’m a martyr. I fully have to not care to get through the day. I try to not think about it. It does make me extremely pissed that so many others are likely in the same position and may never get their moment and connection with the career they could have. I think wasted creativity is sad, not everyone has to do it but for those who can and want to it should be encouraged. Like go be prolific, go be awesome. Obviously that’s near impossible to do for a variety of overlapping factors depending on the person. But also kinda, fuck art from a wealthy privileged person like it could be good obviously but I think we all know some really intensely interesting and valuable art and music comes from people who are not that. But u have to be at least somewhat wealthy to do something creative full time that’s more ur own thing. Idk it’s so weird, I like my job rn, fuck having a society where creative ppl are forced to like kill that part of themselves, kill their inner child right. That makes me so mad it’s fucked up. Literally the world would be a better place, so it seems like I’m pinpointing a problem. Dunno how to fix it.

0 notes

sosa-sketch · 5 years

Text

Fright or Flight: Chapter 2

Parings: Prinxiety // Logicality // Platonic LAMP

Story Summary: Virgil and Patton investigate the New Prince Castle, when a brutal accident kills Patton. Patton wakes as a ghost and meets friendly ghoul Roman, who has been haunting the castle for 20 years. Virgil is determined to bring Patton back to life and brings Logan, the ghost expert, to help him out. Time is quickly running out, and the four must work together to undo death. If only it was as simple as Logan made it sound.

Unknown to them, a secret entity in the castle does not plan on letting them succeed.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

When Patton first met Virgil, his last intention was to become friends with him. Virgil had built up a notorious reputation over the first few months of school, and his grades did nothing to disprove his status. Patton wasn’t the type to judge a person’s character based on rumors nor looks. No one was a higher believer in the benefit of doubt than Patton! However, Virgil’s first impression did not help his case.

Virgil transferred into Patton’s English class the second semester due to a schedule change. When the teacher stated a new team project was to be completed, Patton did not shy away from offering to be Virgil’s partner. He understood how difficult it could be being the new kid in a class full of friends and cliques.

The project was hefty, an collection of novel analyzing, essays, vocabulary, and journal entries. Patton was not looking forward to the Shakespearean project-Shakespeare’s language was alien to him. It occurred to Patton that pairing up with the soon-to-be-dropout may not have been his best idea. Nonetheless, Patton refused to be jaded.

The first day of the project, Virgil refused to touch the work.

“There’s no way I’m touching this project.” Virgil sneered. “Especially about Shakespeare.”

“Huh?” Patton had not fully processed Virgil’s words. “Is it because you don’t understand it?”

“Sure.”

“Neither can I! I guess Shakespeare really has our brains shaken up! Maybe we can ask the teacher to go over it for us?”

The teen huffed and shook his head. Virgil laid his head on the wooden desk and his eyes slipped closed. He napped for the rest of the period.

His behavior continued for weeks. Patton had tried everything in his power to get Virgil to help him out. Patton’s seemingly endless supply of compliments and encouraging gestures served no help.

Patton’s mind had conjured countless excuses for Virgil since Virgil himself refused to give one. At the beginning the excuses had seemed feasible. Lack of sleep? Family issues? However, by week three, Patton was already scraping the bottom of the barrel, trying to justify Virgil’s dismissive attitude with clones and possible mind control. Virgil was no closer to lifting up a pencil, there were ten days left of the project, and Patton still understood little to nothing about Shakespeare. Patton was flying solo and time was ticking.

The final week before the project was due, Patton caught the flu.

Patton would chalk up the flu to the top three sucky sicknesses of his lifetime. His fever was raging, his skin drowning in sweat while the insides of him iced over. Patton couldn’t tell when being awake ended and when sleep began. The only alarm in Patton’s body was the churning in his gut that rushed him to the toilet.

Understandably, the project was the last thing on his mind.

Patton would not remember his Shakespeare mission until the Sunday before it was due, when he was shaking off the final remnants of the flu. The realization hit him like a train, but by the time he went flying off his bed and hurriedly logging on to his computer to check the time, Patton knew it was hopeless. There was no way he could get the project done in a few hours and counting. Not when all his energy was going into fighting of sneezes and headaches.

Patton was dejectedly scrolling through his email filled with newsletters from adoption sites and animal protection agencies when a subject line caught his eye: “English Project.” Linked to the email were word documents and an audio file. Perplexedly, Patton opened the email.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: English Project

Patton,

so apparently you’ve been sick. class is way more quiet without you their, which is wierd.

i think i did everything you hadn’t done. it’s gonna be really mispelled and confusing and shit. sorry. i’m not the best with righting. feel free to fix anything.

get well soon.

-V

p.s. sorry for acting like a jerk. i owe you a explanation monday.

Patton hugged his computer screen and laugh with relief. He had no idea why Virgil was so nervous. His ideas were brilliant. A week later, Patton would see an A in his gradebook for the Shakespeare project.

There was a reason why Patton never lost faith in people.

True to his word, the next week Virgil explained his mistreatment to Patton. Virgil struggled with dyslexia. While he was getting tutoring in overcoming his learning disability, Virgil’s writing made him incredibly insecure. His old teacher always let him work individually, but the new teacher wasn’t having it. Before class, the teacher pulled him aside and told Virgil he was no different from any other student and would have to work with a partner. Virgil, determined to spite the teacher and anxious to seem like an “idiot” in front of Patton, would pretend to sleep the whole period.

“All your writing took was a quick grammar fix. The ideas were so good! I’m not just saying that to say that, they actually were! I could never think of something like that.” Patton reassured enthusiastically.

Virgil flushed a bright red. “I didn’t do much. Shakespeare is a lot easier to understand with audio.”

Patton listened to the audiobook of Macbeth that night. Virgil clearly wasn’t giving himself enough credit.

Virgil and Patton quickly grew close once the project was done. Virgil was still quiet, snappy, moody, and detrimentally insecure, but he began to open up more as the months went on. By senior year, Patton and Virgil was joined at the hip. Two peas in a pod.

Virgil had grown a lot since freshman year.

Being joined at the hip with Virgil meant that Patton got to understand Virgil by the simplest change in body language or expression. It also meant that Patton became aquatinted with anyone close to Virgil.

Patton already had a bad feeling while Virgil’s tone had shifted on the phone the night they were chatting about yearbook quotes. Remy sending Patton a text only confirmed the ball of dread in his stomach.

Rem: pat can we talk ?

Patton: You don’t even have to ask! Everything ok?

Rem: it’s about v

Rem: have you guys talked recently ? out of school

Patton: We talked last weekend. Over the phone. Why? Is Virgil fine??

Rem: idk. he came over to my house a couple nights ago at like 5 am. talked about some ghost shit.

Patton: He woke you up to talk about ghosts??(language!)

Rem: looking for affirmation that he wasn’t some obsessed ghost freak. i told him nah

Rem: but tbh he kinda is obsessed

Patton: He is passionate about his ghosts! But that’s not a bad thing.

Rem: v strongly disagrees. the whole thing about the yearbook and ghost quotes really messed with his head

Patton: I didn’t mean anything bad by it! It was just an idea! I promise! I’ll apologize to him!!!

Rem: wait no thats not what im saying. no one blames u

Rem: is he doing any ghost stuff anytime soon

Patton: Yep. He’s going to visit a castle!

Patton: Is that bad?

Rem: don’t you remember last time v became paranoid abt something? he pulled some real stupid stuff just to prove ppl wrong

Patton: Yeah. I know.

Patton: Gosh now I’m worried :(

Rem: i just dont want him doing anything he’ll regret on the trip. can u just…idk watch out for him pls ? ik v can take care of himself. but sometimes he gets into this headspace that’s self-destructive

Rem: tbh i dont like his ghost stuff as it is. i dont need him doing something dumb either

Patton: I understand Rem. That’s really sweet of you <3 <3

Patton: I’ll look out for him! I promise!!!! :-) :-)

Rem: ty. dont tell v abt this convo tho

Despite feeling uneasy about it, Patton understood Remy’s request to keep silent. Telling Virgil about their conversation would only push Virgil away and make him defensive. It’d be impossible to look out for him.

Virgil had already given Patton a way in. Patton had to talk to Logan for Virgil and get any supplies he might need. Patton loved visiting Logan in and of itself. Maybe Logan could help him out.

Logan’s business was located near small shops clustered along the beach. It was a hotspot for tourists, where knickknacks and souvenirs were sold and expensive attractions were advertised. Patton walked along here with Virgil sometimes, stopping at the arcade or mirror maze. Patton had met some of the most interesting people in the small touristy town.

Among the attractions was a dark blue shingled building with a pointy-roofed top. Painted letters on a wooden board spelt out “Afterlife Exposed.” Patton stepped through the door and a bell gently ringed, signaling his arrival.

At the sound of the bell, a tall, dark-haired man turned around. His navy suit blended in with the darkness of the shop. The man’s lean body was captivated beautifully in the suit. Patton quickly averted his eyes, blushing furiously.

“I have been expecting you-oh. Greetings, Patton. What a surprise.”

“Hi Logan!” Patton waved enthusiastically. “Who were you expecting?”

“No one. It’s a new rule Father has implemented. I must say it to every customer to ‘set the mood,’ as he calls it.” Logan dragged his hand over his face exasperatedly. “I find it quite ridiculous. But business shall be business.”

Logan’s father technically owned Afterlife Exposed. But he was always hidden in the back, gathering supplies or experimenting. Logan was currently studying entrepreneurship in college in order to take over the family business someday.

“How may I help you today, Patton?” Logan inquired, stepping around the counter to stand in front of him. He was even taller up close.

Patton filled Logan in about the New Prince Castle family murder and Virgil’s plan to investigate the castle for one of his ghost routines. Logan nodded politely the whole way through.

“I see. What an intriguing case. What exactly does he need from me?”

Patton shrugged cluelessly. “Anything you think might help, I guess.”

“What’s his budget?”

“A coffee and cake pop from Starbucks, if he uses his gift card.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “And he sent you to purchase something from here? Why, he couldn’t even afford a keychain.”

“Come on, Logan! He’s one of your most loyal customers and between us, he’s going through a rough patch. Can’t you help him out? Please?”

Logan massaged his temples and sighed. “Patton, it’s just not something the business can afford to do right now. My Father and I have been dealing with a sort of rough patch as well. You and Virgil have my sincerest apologies-truly, you do.”

Patton nodded dejectedly, “I understand.” Spotting Logan’s hesitant expression and tense form, he rested a hand on Logan’s shoulder and grinned. “Really, I do. I don’t blame you.”

Logan gave a small, tight-lipped smile in return. Gently shaking Patton’s hand off his shoulder, he clasped his hands together tightly. “Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I’m not too sure.” Patton pursed his lips in thought. “Well, actually. I was wondering if you could tell me the dos and don’ts of ghost hunting. The yays and nays. The cats and dogs-actually no scratch that, both of those would be a yay.”

“With all due respect, Patton, I think Virgil has got that covered.” Logan reassured. “He must have asked me a dozen times prior to his first investigation.”

“Oh yeah, I know. It’s for me.” Patton corrected.

Logan raised an eyebrow in perplexion. Patton had never shown an interest in ghost hunting when Virgil wasn’t to be found.

Patton thought quickly. “I just want to understand more. For when I talk to Virgil. Sometimes I really don’t get half the explanations coming from the kiddo’s mouth.” It wasn’t a lie. “Just…how do you deal with ghosts?

“I see.” Logan clicked his tongue. “I’m sure Virgil could explain it to you more in depth. But, if you’re ever in doubt, chalk it up to one thing: respect. Is what you’re doing respecting the afterlife and their home? Are you portraying common courtesy? Treat them with the same respect as the living, if not more. There are exceptions, as with anything, but for the most part, that should keep you out of trouble with spirits.”

“Respect.” Patton repeated.

“You have strong morals, Patton. If you’re concerned about involvement with the afterlife due to your closeness with Virgil, I would not worry. Lack of respect is the last of your weaknesses.”

Logan pulled out his phone from the back of his pocket. “I apologize, I must return to my work. However, if you or Virgil have any more questions, feel free to give me a call.”

Patton gushed and thanked Logan, jotting down his number. Logan flushed a gentle red and held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleasure doing business with you, Patton.”

Patton swatted Logan’s hand away and brought him in for a hug. “Thank you, Logan.”

Logan awkwardly pat Patton on the back before ungracefully untangling himself from the embrace. “I was only doing my job. Now, I understand it’s none of my business, but I recommend getting some rest. You look exhausted.”

“High school has permanently carved bags under my eyes.” Patton shook his head defeatedly.

Logan gave an amused smirk. “You sounded like Virgil.”

Patton beamed. “Like father, like son!”

Just as Patton was about to turn around to leave the store, something in the corner of the room glistened, catching his eye. “Hey Logan? Just one more thing?”

Logan hummed at him, encouraging Patton to continue.

He pointed to the object at the corner of the room. “How much can I get that for?”

“Walkie-talkies. I sent you to Logan Berry, one of the smartest, most knowledgeable people about the afterlife in this town, and you come back with a Ghost Buster walkie-talkie.” Virgil grunted, dangling the toy by its antennae.

“You can have the Casper the Ghost one instead.”

“What? No! Ghost Busters is better, anyway.” Virgil groaned. “That’s not the point. How about advice? Did Logan say anything?”

“Just to respect the ghosts. Have common courtesy. Which you better be doing anyway, even without Logan telling you to do so.”

Virgil threw his hands up in exasperation and fell down into his sofa as the cushions engulfed the skinny man. “Obviously I respect them! The last thing I need is coming home possessed and cursed! He knows I know that. That’s really all he said?”

“Besides giving us his number.” Patton confirmed. “Which I already gave you.”

Virgil grumbled. “Whatever. One day I’ll get enough money to- wait. The walkie-talkies. There’s no way you could have bought them with my money, I would not have had enough. Please don’t tell me…”

Virgil got a glance of Patton’s sheepish look and groaned. “Patton, we have a rule! No buying each other anything!” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t pay you back. You know that.”

“Hey…” Patton took a seat next to Virgil and laid a comforting hand on his knee. “It’s okay. They weren’t expensive. You don’t have to pay me back.”

Virgil looked at Patton in between his fingers. His voice was muffled against his palms. “You know how I feel about that, Pat.”

“Virgil, come on.” Patton pleaded.

Virgil shook his head. “Thank you. But, you need to return them.”

Guilty silence settled among the two, but neither made a move to leave. Both were lost in their own worlds when an idea struck Patton.

He nudged Virgil. “I know a way for you to pay me back without money.” At Virgil’s unimpressed look, he protested, “Seriously! It would mean a lot more to me than whatever these walkie-talkies cost.”

“Yea?” Virgil lifted his head from his hands. “What is it?”

Patton stared at Virgil’s stormy eyes as his heart pounded. In all honesty, this was the last thing Patton wanted to do. He was terrified. But, he thought back to the conversation he had with Remy, and the last time Virgil did something senseless unsupervised due to paranoia. “I want to go ghost hunting with you. At the New Prince Castle.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. His eyes darted around Patton’s face before he shook his head and gave a weak chuckle. “Sure, Pat. Whatever you say.”

“No, I’m serious!” Patton insisted. “I’ll respect the ghosts and do whatever you tell me to do!”

Virgil was dismissing Patton before he could finish his sentence. “No, no, no. You hate ghost stories, Pat! Especially ones that are spooky and gruesome. You’d hate ghost-hutning. It’s dark and there’s lots of weird noises and tons of spiders. No way. I’m not adding more guilt to my conscience.”

Virgil made a move to get up from the sofa, but Patton refused to let the conversation drop. He grabbed Virgil’s hand and pulled him back to the seat. Virgil landed with a clumsy thump.

“Kiddo, I know I hate all those things. I’m sure I’ll be scared. But, you’ll be there too! I love you more than I hate all those things combined.”

“Patton, we can do something else together. Go to the movies. Or bowling. Normal teen stuff.” Virgil reasoned.

Patton retorted, “But ghost hunting is important to you.”

“It’s not that important. It’s a simple hobby. I don’t care that much about it.” Virgil cut off.

“I know, I know!” Patton quickly backtracked. “What I meant was that ghost-hunting has been a cool way for us to bond. It intrigues you-a perfectly normal amount-and I like seeing you happy! Just like you go walking with me along the shops by the beach even though it’s super crowded and you hate it.”

“Patton, what’s your point?” Virgil grilled.

“My point is I want to try this thing that you enjoy with you. Just like you try things for me. It’s senior year, Virgil. No one hates thinking about it more than me, but we don’t know what things are going to be like after high school. I want to find a husband, start a family. Maybe study veterinary science. You could have a publisher for your writing, become a famous author, and move. I want to do this with you. I want to get over my fear.”

Patton stared at Virgil hopefully and held out his hand. “What do you say? One more big adventure for the dynamic duo?”

Virgil stared at Patton, looked down and roughly shook his head, froze, then stared at Patton once more. Virgil’s foot rapidly tapped against the floor, creating a dizzy, distracting melody. Finally, Virgil pulled his hair and glared at Patton. “You’ll be careful?”

Patton nodded eagerly.

“And you’ll stick with me no matter what? At all times? I want you in my sight.”

Virgil dramatically groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. “I guess you can come.”

Patton shot up from his seat, whooping with joy and hopping around the sofa. “Thank you, Virgil! Thank you! We’re going to have such a great time!”

Virgil peeked one eye open and gave a soft grin. “Yeah, I guess we are. You’re sure you wanna do this?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life besides my love for you and cats! I pinkie swear it.”

Patton and Virgil intertwined pinkies before Patton winked and let go, embracing Virgil.

“Let your moms know you’re going to be gone for the weekend.” Virgil smirked. “We have a haunted castle to explore.”

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #deceit sanders #LAMP #CALM #platonic lamp #hurt/comfort #family fluff #fluff #logicality #prinxiety

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intothespideyverses · 6 years

Text

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]:

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah.

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis!

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it.

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie.

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window.

“that’s it!”

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack.

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on.

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals.

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis.

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that.

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot.

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does.

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END.

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

#this is...several levels of terrible #andi mack

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