Being idemromantic is fucking hard because *i can't tell and all my life I have navigated love through movies, music, tv, and books. I've gone about love the way Hollywood does, and it doesn't work for me. It never fucking worked. Making the other person the sun to my earth only to find they left me high and dry because all those big romantic gestures got too much. But it also made me naive, and in wanting to keep people around I let them treat me like shit.

It's hard out here.

*I can't differentiate between platonacism and romanticism

it's golden like daylight !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which the whole internet thinks that they're over but it's just a new beginning for them.

or

for when you know it's forever. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // charles leclerc x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - hello!! my first time writing for charles so i really hope u like it!! requests are open <3 thank you so much for reading, i love you <3

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡.;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by carlossainz55, lewishamilton, yourbestfriend and 782,517 others

yourusername loving him was red 🍒

5,829 comments

username hahahahaha "was" hahahaha

username IS THIS A CONFIRMATION WHAT???? HELLO????

username what if this was my last straw.

yourbestfriend red is your colour fr

*liked by yourusername*

username guys..........i hate to say it but i think it's true

-> username no.

-> username lol what??? nooooOoooOOO??? they're legally not allowed to break up

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by y/n444angels, f1aaliyah, wag_.updates and others

f1newz formula one driver, charles leclerc and singer/songwriter y/n y/l/n have called it quits on their relationship of 4 years, sources close to the pair claim. "it just wasn't working out," the source explained, referring to the long distance between them and their busy schedules. "it just felt like the relationship had run its course," they continued, "obviously, they still hold a lot of respect for each other and will continue to remain close friends, as there's no bad blood between them." for more details, click on the link in our bio.

1,827 comments

username what do u MEAN that the relationship just RAN its course?????

username no bc the idea that a relationship can just be over like that, just "run its course" and that you had a limited time with your person, your partner and now it's over. it's so heartbreaking. my heart is breaking for both of them, they were so in love with each other 💔💔💔

username source is like "just trust me on this" lmfaooooo

username no way im believing this shit after charles called her his "motivation and the reason he pushes himself to do much better because she deserves the best"

username her caption, their interaction the last few weeks, this 😬😬😬 it all seems to be adding up i fear

username LMFAOOO NICE JOKE 🤣🤣🤣🙏🙏🙏🤪🤪🤪 !!!!!!!!!!!

username "to my muse, i already had an idea of what love would be like but u taught me a whole new meaning of it, i love u forever and ever in each and every lifetime" and u say they broke up???? bro they're not universally allowed to.

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liked by danielricciardo, yoursister, yourusername and 827,916 others

charles_leclerc stuck with me forever now 💌 cannot wait to slow dance around the kitchen at 3 in the morning for the rest of our lives. i didn't "fall" in love with you, i purposely, intentionally loved you and i always will, in this lifetime and all the others. any person would have been lucky to call you their love and i thank my skies and my constellations that i got to be that lucky person. here's to our forever ❤️ i love you

tagged yourusername

18,827 comments

username OH NY GOF

username SHUR THE FUCK UP WHAT OU M UHDO

username i just fell to my knees in walmart what.

yourusername forever never looked so good, i love you more than words could convey ❤️

-> charles_leclerc i love you mon ange ❤️

username hahahahahahaha!!!! ok!!!!!!!! nice!!!!!! happy for u!!!!!!!!!!!

username can't believe we really lost mother to a guy that drives around for a living

-> username i could be an uber driver just sayin 😮‍💨

danielricciardo the hardest secret to keep!! cannot wait to third wheel u for the rest of my life 🙏🙏🙏

*liked by charles_leclerc*

username I JUST SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD

lorenzotl the best sister in law ❤️

*liked by charles_leclerc*

lewishamilton congratulations ❤️❤️❤️ can finally post the pictures from that night ‼️

*liked by charles_leclerc*

username IM SO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ���

liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 892,827 others

yourusername it's golden like daylight ❤️‍🩹

been waiting my entire life to use these lyrics, thank u charles for finally making it happen 🙏 also, i love you and i cannot wait for our future?????? kinda sad u beat me at proposing first but it's okay bc i love the ring (and you!!!!!!) thank u for making me the happiest person alive ❤️❤️❤️

tagged charles_leclerc

19,178 comments

username THE CONTRAST IN THEIR CAPTIONS

username poetic bf 🤝 funny gf

username i love them your honour

carlossainz55 it took him 27938291 hours to pick a damn ring so u better cherish that rock

-> yourusername it's tiffany how could i not??? (it's perfect thank u for helping him out ❤️‍🩹)

username SHE'S SO AJAJSJKAJSJSKA

charles_leclerc it was about time i put a ring on that 💍💍

-> yourusername REALLLLLL (i love you so much thank u thank u thank u i love you u make me feel like all the colours of a sunset, all the hues)

username they're so ☹️☹️☹️

arthur_leclerc can't believe you're gonna be my sister in law (i love u, thank u for making him and us the happiest by being in our lives)

-> yourusername better get used to it (i love you all so much, my forever family)

What Would An Album About You Sound Like?

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

Pile One

Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night

“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”

The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.

They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.

Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.

Track list:

1. Pretty

2. Blooming

3. missing you

4. Shinning Eyes

5. Dying Slow

6. Party Streamers

7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)

8. Starlight

9. Nova’s Surprise

10. Sunset

11. morning after

12. You

Pile Two

Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.

I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.

I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”

Track list

1. movement

2. Adelaide’s Interlude

3. mother

4. farmhouse

5. leave me behind

6. baby blue

7. mustang

8. you’re gonna go far

9. more than this

10. peace

11. at your own pace

12. growing pains

13. at last

Pile Three

I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.

However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.

I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.

You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀

Track list

1. October

2. Cosmic

3. Full Moon

4. Bourbon Street

5. She’s All Over Me

6. Starla

7. The Empress

8. Diamond Eyes

9. Find More of Me

10. Dreamscape

11. Escapades

12. Midnight

13. You’re All I Need

14. Mirror

15. Apartment 32

16. Deep End

17. Eternity

ykw this whole thing is actually crazy. SAS didnt harass any of you, literally nobody here knows what that means. reblogging with corrections, defending himself against being fakeclaimed and slandered, and being reasonably angry about his PERSONAL MAIN that has nothing to do with syscourse being leaked when there are people who wish to see him harmed out there, that isn't harassment. what is harassment is purposely leaking something personal and unconnected in order to hurt him over a LABEL change. something your friend knew could be genuinely dangerous and damaging to his personal life. he's done a lot for the CDD community over the years.

if you're a minor who wants to hide behind that shit when you're corrected for frankly VILE behavior, leave discourse communties because you lost the shield of "you cant be mean to me im just a little guy" when you decided to enter a discourse community and then ACTUALLY harass and spread disinformation about someone. people are mad at you, AEV and friends, because you did something wrong and fucked up.

i'm incredibly disappointed in my community this week. what happened to anti-harassment?? i guess that only applies when people politely provide sources as to why you're wrong about something or when someone responds to slander. SAS isn't the one throwing tantrums rn i can tell you that much, even as someone who disagrees with some of his stances. i can't believe i have to say that harassment is bad even if minors are perpetuating it or even if you're "right". you aren't exempt from doing shitty things or being called out on it for your age & definitely not in syscourse! you in fact signed up to be debated against.

i know this won't change any of your minds, but i just want you to know you're absolutely in the fucking wrong for this shit and one day you'll realize how fucked up this is both to do and to defend.

i wish no harm upon any of you - and i don't doubt youre being harassed - but it was never SAS doing it, and the most public harassment has come from your friend group. it's really just not cool.

-a very angry and disappointed anti-endo MINOR since yall care so damn much about poor lil 17yos

1.) SAS did in fact harass AEV numerous times on both their misinformation correction blog and the AEV vents blog.

2.) Defending yourself is fine if you don’t actively cause harm to others. It is fine to let others know that SAS has actively harmed and manipulated people with their main blog. It’s keeping others safe from someone they DO NOT WANT TO INTERACT WITH.

3.) They are 30. Don’t interact with someone you don’t think you can handle a simple mistake from, especially in a rude way.

Just because he has done a lot doesn’t give him a pass to act the way he has.

AEV did NOTHING wrong besides have an ask venting about SAS and made a simple fucking mistake. You and other supporters of SAS are defending someone for harassing a MINOR that has been attacked by them numerous times.

AEV, me, and others cannot control what people do. We can tell them to not harass someone. That is not on us if they do that, it is on the people that do decide to harass them. That is not on AEV or anyone else that tells someone “do not harass this person.” AEV is against harassment as am I, that DOES NOT make us the root of the issue.

I see nothing where I am in the wrong. I wish no harm upon SAS but just that supporters get away from my blog and to understand that a 30 year old acting the way he did is wrong. If you don’t like that, don’t interact with me. I am defending a friend. But can I not do that within the same limitations?

I’m not sending witch hunts for SAS. I’m telling people what they have done and that they’re supporting endos now, things a lot of people here don’t want to interact with.

I am letting you know that due to this, I am blocking you for my own peace of mind. If you don’t agree with the stances that I’ve stated, proceed to not interact. But supporting SAS who has actively harmed someone else, multiple people, is wrong. Good day.

did you know that negaduck from darkwing duck was based off reverse-flash? yeah, that doesnt even BEGIN to describe what's actually been going on between their character histories..

first, negaduck wasnt just inspired by or a reverse-flash parody. he's a literal copy-paste of silver age thawne with a very few changes of origin place from future to parallel universe and identity from some random future guy to main hero's evil twin, because originally eobard was fixated on being a Criminal and not particularly flash's nemesis. back in the day, thawne constantly mentions how much he loves his criminal life. half of his lines are negaduck-worthy purely because the rest is related to being a speedster scientist. my personal favorite as an example:

he passes the speed limit law in central city so that barry couldnt use superspeed without breaking it but thawne still could because he is 'a hardened criminal'. he invents rays that turn everything inflicted evil (something even negaduck has never done (ig solely because megavolt's already done it in the negaduck episode where he accidentally splits darkwing into good dw (posiduck) and bad dw(negaduck, with a black and gray color scheme), and while yellow negaduck is a different character this is basically how the idea of him was born and the writers just decided to keep him in a different form bc the gray one merged back into normal dw at the end which is super funny. imagine coming up with a duck villain and going 'oh this guy actually reminds me a lot of reverse-flash with all that opposite/negative thing. LET'S PAINT HIM IN THOSE COLORS AND GIVE HIM THE SAME PERSONALITY AND SIMILAR ORIGIN THIS TIME'), altho he DOES test the power gem on a cat in jail bird like thawne did with evil rays). he repeatedly tries to get poor former dr alchemy back to crime just because 'crime fun. why cant you see that. im doing it for your own good' and negaduck tried something like that with morgana in feb 14th episode my valentine ghoul (+that brief scene with gos from 2016 comics run where he believes she must be bad deep down inside out of comparsion to nega!gosalyn). negaduck also travels from a whole other world just to fuck around here for fun (there was this bronze age flash issue called flashback where thawne gets lost in the timestream because barry pushed the wrong buttons in his time capsule which is almost exact negaduck's fate in life, the negaverse and everything) and one of another few differences related is that negaduck is shown to be a dictator of his universe's St. Canard who is bored to live somewhere he already has all the power so he travels to another universe to cause problems on purpose.

second. dc's new52. eobard is rewritten again, now he and zoom are kind of one character. but guess what else is new in this version that never happend neither in zoom or professor zoom's lives? thawne is a fucking dictator in his own time. and people tried to fight his rule in flash's name just like friendly four needed darkwing as inspiration to finally fight back for their world.

he gets his own team, acolytes of zoom (i wish i could call them local fearsome 4 but there are 5 of them, making it more of a sinister 6 if you count thawne) which he trains for centuries to fight the flash and betrays later by trying to steal their powers just like negaduck stole f4's in jail bird to become mega-negaduck and if all that wasnt enough, without the mask he straight up looks like negaduck humanization. look at him. this mf is only missing a hat and a cape.

also these sudden black parts in his new speedster suit design? either it is some absolute fucking bonkers of a coincidence or someone on the flash writing team really went 'hey guys you know what would be real funny? lets base new thawne off negaduck. like he was originally based off thawne. i swear no one will notice' and everyone went with that. (i could also mention he has the same dumb motivation for being evil (having shitty childhood/being deep down sad about mistreatment and loneliness) as 2011 dwd comics run negaduck but imo that's too far of a stretch to actually be included)

third. yall know the deal of the first season of cw's the flash? yeah, what if i told you the whole thawne messes with the particle accelerator and causes barry to gain superspeed thing already fucking happend in darkwing duck, episode going nowhere fast?

(the way i lost my mind over this back in the day when i decided to watch dwd just because negaduck reminded me of thawne(i didnt even know he was a direct rip-off, i just went 'oh wait dt universe has this evil fuck that wears the same color scheme as reverse-flash? girl i AM checking the whole thing out just to see if he's anything like thawne'.) and first watched the episode... priceless, still haunts me to this very day. how the hell was that written in 1991. did cw writers just take the idea from dwd too. honestly i cant be sure about anything anymore).

and remember in the duck knight returns (2011 comics run arc) flashbacks there was a super funny thing with negaduck not knowing dw's secret identity and being so proud he cracked the case? remember cw!og!thawne looking for flash's time period and not knowing his identity in 2nd season cameo episode? what the hell was even up with that!!! like guys. guys one of you is the most devoted flash fan from the future and there is NO way none of that kind of information was left a CENTURY after (i mean come on dude couldntve you just asked gideon. she literally had that 2024 newspaper about vanishing and thats at the very least not mentioning she was created by barry) and another is straight up the same fucking person as the hero with the same fucking relatives and enemies. idk take a wild guess??? ((i really wonder if anybody on the wirting team of 2011 dwd run saw not just life, the negaverse and everything but any episode featuring negaduck at all. not only do they ignore the existence of nega!gos in the 'oh he mean bc alone :(' approach, they ignore the very definition of negaduck's character which is literally evil drake mallard. i mean sure hes dumb and may miss obvious clues because of being the same dw just evil but come on, such a comedic situation and never addressed by drake whos literally been in the negaverse and knows they are the same person or by anyone else he coluldve told that? oh well unless drake is also dumb af and thought there never was any drake mallard in the negaverse in the first place and that negaduck is some other guy. which is a real probability i suppose))

also. negaduck's death by being split on billions of evil particles in crisis on infinite darkwings and thawne, being 'exorcised' from nash's body in a form of a negative speed force stream with sparks in 6x15 of cw's the flash.

fourth! yall did watch ducktales 2017 reboot, right? specifically the duck knight returns episode? they introduce a whole new version of negaduck there! and guess what. jim starling, an old darkwing duck (in-universe 90s tv series) actor obsessed with his role, goes fucking nuts because there is a new darkwing duck actor in a new movie and he didnt even know. because he feels forgotten. because no one remembers neither him nor original series (objectievely not true bc obviously launchpad and drake but to jim they just dont count bc reasons. he seems to count only children but calls lp his fan when anthagonizes drake for taking even that from him in the end). because he was replaced and no one even bothered to tell him. he causes a fire on the set, almost kills drake but does have a change of heart at the end after launchpad's speech about what darkwing duck stands for and seemingly sacrifices himself to save drake and lp from the explosion. then they have the worst idea they could have in relation to jim's character ever: for drake to be a real life darkwing duck to honor jim's sacrifice. so naturally he hears that from the sewers or wherever he was hiding to see their reactions(look i am. 100% sure that this is what happened bc that makes so much more sense than jim getting brain damage or whatever from that explosion and waking up to choose violence again for no other reason). he gets hit with the being replacable and forgotten thing once again and renders back to negaduck tendencies, for all we know for good this time as his darkwing suit changes to the yellow-red one. yk who else went on a rampage because he felt forgotten and replaced? you guessed it! the return of barry allen, a 90s classic where thawne goes to 21st century for the first time, thinks he's barry (original-ish flash) because dissociation from trauma of seeing himself being killed by his hero and acts exactly like starling, having the same issues as motivation aka him/barry being forgotten and replaced by wally. he implies wally taking on the flash mantle is most disrespectful to barry. he rants about how he's the only flash and threatens to destroy not only the flash family but the whole central city for forgetting that. he and wally have a conflict of legacy similar to jim and drake's conflict in dt17. he is The starling blueprint only a lot more mentally ill. also we've heard something like the duck knight returns in running scared (this one is less reminiscent of jim but still features some things that werent in the return of barry allen). it's a rebirth arc that introduces another new origin of reverse-flash. now, he's been hyperfixated on barry allen his whole life (on a whole new level i mean) and there was the first meeting in 25th century where they Connected like thawne always believed they would. that day ended up in a fight and thawne's imprisonment because he set up casualties to get attention and praise for being the flash of 25th century but unlike all other versions this thawne has a change of heart after the fight, too. he promises to 'fix everything' including himself, he even goes to therapy afterwards. then he goes to the 21st century to tell barry how much he accomplished since they last met and then sees barry saying to wally one meaningful phrase he said to thawne that perfect day. like it wasnt something special only barry and eobard shared. like the day they met never happened. like he forgot thawne ever existed. like he was replaced as barry's speedster partner/friend/whatever he thought they were after that day by wally. and that shatters thawne so much he runs back to 25th and just decides to become the reverse-flash and make barry suffer until he gives him attention and recognition he deserved. frank angones, i am inside your walls. you CANT deny you based your versions of dw and nd off flash comics and thawne particularly. and more, you legit made reverse!eobarry au and put it in dt in duck forms. i have been losing my mind about it for 3 years now. i am exposing you and there is nothing you can do to escape that.

fifth(ish). yeah, and btw about friendly four from life, the negaverse and everything. did you think they actually escaped being mirrored in the flash? ha. i present to you reverse-rogues from the 25th century aka the renegades, carefully created by zoom and thawne himself, thinking it would somehow be funny.

cant believe hunter once saw it on tv put 2 and 2 together and went 'eobard my dude we need to go full negaverse with the 25th century. we need a friendly four to your negaduck. i swear it'll be Hilarious'. god the only thing they lack at this point is nega!gosalyn (i mean. hunter actually did try something like that with inertia, saving him from the museum and trying to teach him how to torture flashfam into improving them but thad was more of a nega!honker and reverted hunter to crippled powerless state just because. love that kid)

and that's all i have so far, if anyone here also into both yellow-red mfs with no life feel free to comment or even add more because there sure is or at least will be more and no one has the power to stop it.

we’re opening the floodgates people because the only thing i think about ever, and what i WILL shout from the top of every rooftop i come across

DINA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN.

i don’t care. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care if your opinion is different because you’re wrong.

she’s witty, she smart, she’s incredibly fucking kind, patient, and yet so strong willed and never not willing to speak her thoughts even when she’s unbelievably scared. she’s so perfect it hurts honestly.

one of the things that breaks me the most about dina and ellie’s dynamic throughout the entirety of part 2 is dina’s part in it all. her, irrevocably in love with one of her closest friends, JUST after finally confessing to one another officially is suddenly thrust into a WAR where she can only be a bystander. ignoring the whole pregnancy thing, just that is fucking insane.

and she handles it with the utmost care and patience. moreso than honestly anyone around her deserved (not that these characters didn’t deserve kindness).

i could go in depth about how much i believe ellie williams is one of the best representations of PTSD in modern media today but as much as seeing that breaks me, watching dina deal alongside her is infinitely worse. ellie is a character who has just lost her entire world basically, only a few years after seemingly losing her purpose for being alive at all. with no closure. she’s sad, she’s angry, she’s broken, she feels essentially unloveable.

and dina treats her with the gentleness of a morning breeze. you know the thing thats like “character who feels unloveable and the other character who loves them like its breathing”? yeah.

dina is patient, kind, stable. she is exactly the thing that ellie needs. she never blames ellie for her outbursts, she never insinuates that ellie should get over her emotions faster, and even better she doesn’t even treat ellie like glass that could shatter at any moment. she just loves her. in the easiest way one could possibly be loved.

and its hard. it’s difficult and they both go through an unbelievable amount of trauma together and yet they still come out on top. they’re still able to build the semblance of a life together in the ashes of what they’ve lost.

as someone who identifies a lot of myself in ellie. everything about their love and how they love each other does nothing but break me apart. its so full of hope yet so layered in nothing but destruction. it really is the worst kind of despair. especially because of their end. all of that work and just the existence of trauma is what throws it back in her face.

i am not the most eloquent person. im sure my thoughts are jumbled and insane and hard to understand when i write them out like this. but there are so many aspects of this games that are so fucking admirable. naughty dog found a way to tell a tragic story full of people. not good people, not bad people. just humans, and the world would devolve into when pushed to the absolute edge. and even before that. it is a story of the human race at its most raw.

and its heartbreaking. its enjoyable, its sadistic, its humorous and it’s absolutely gut wrenching. its beautiful.

this series will probably never not be my favorite game ever. i will scream about it and look like a crazy person, and i will keep finding more and more things to love about it.

but this is a ramble when its really supposed to be a dina appreciation post. i love her. everyone should love her. she’s such an amazing person and i think about her constantly. i hope that wherever she ended up, her and JJ live the happiest and most fulfilling life they can.

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

okay, i need to spit this out to someone

and i refuse to make a youtube video for it so im just gonna write a whole essay to my small amount of tumblr followers on prince arctic and also im waiting for my friend to wake up so i need to do something RIGHT NOW so uh

lets start with the reasons that could've played a part in how he acted

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀

so, arctic's family wasnt that great, we've all gathered that. his mother was just horrid honestly, and we have no idea how his father was (or if he even had one). diamond could've been better, and im sure the way she treated him and the things she expected of him were a definite cause, albeit not a full one. another cause was definitely his animus magic, but also cant really be the main cause, even though it was probably a major one. (heres a brief note on animus magic, atleast, my theory on it that is- animus magic isnt the full cause of dragons going insane, its how they view it, use it,how often they use it, and other things going on in their life. lets say we have an animus dragon, a funky little sandwing that for the purposes of this sidenote, will be called funkmaster. funkmaster isnt too concerned about their soul, has been through alot, and uses his magic to cause suffering to small animals quite frequently. funkmaster has gone insane because he uses his magic poorly, isnt concerned about his soul, and uses his magic to be a bastard. funkmaster is the negative result of animus magic. whereas, lets say we have a cute little adorable seawing named tappytoes. tappytoes cares about his soul, has still been through some stuff, but has a positive outlook still, and uses his magic only when he needs to, and only for good things. tappytoes is not a maniac. sidenote over) i do genuinely believe that yes, he did at one point love his family (even darkstalker, albeit not as long as the others), and he did genuinely wish he was a better father, but he had been too far gone for that to have lasted long.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩

now, while it is sort of difficult to figure out where everything started to go down hill, i do believe it was shortly after darkstalker and whiteout were hatched. he knew darkstalker had inheritted his animus magic, and assuming he knew that nightwings have powers from being born under the full moons, he also knew of the power he possessed. now, this wasnt the breaking point entirely. arctic now had the pressure of being a father, (which, yk, who knows if he even got to know his) and had probably used his animus magic a few times after foeslayer got him out of the ice kingdom. i have no concrete idea on what these times could've been, but possibly some things for foeslayer. even if they werent horrid things, and he cared about his soul, other factors also played into the animus causes of the insanity. by this time it was already too late, and he just snapped. he fully had lost himself from that point forward, and there was no going back anymore. the only point where i really think there was maybe a chance he hadnt completely gone over the fence was when he was bringing whiteout to the ice kingdom to get accepted back into their society and to get foeslayer back (i think?? its been a while since my last reread, i had to stop myself from rereading it because it just made me sad), which mayyy have been him just wanting to go back to how everything was before he had a family but could have also just been him wanting foeslayer back because he did actually still love her. anywho these are just my thoughts, there are probably a bunch of inaccuracies, im tired, and i dont feel like rereading the entire book just to make a tumblr post, have fun and dont die

Another question about the timeline, where do you see Baku's visit to Eba's building and where does he learn the truth about Hal fit in (chapters 534-535)? I say this because during chapter 324, in a flashback that takes place after the bet against President Sakai (which happens before Baku goes to the Eba building) Baku thinks that Kyara will be a real ally when he stops being a referee, giving us the idea that Baku did plan from the beginning to lose the first Surpassing the Leader, which provokes another question, if at that time Baku didn't know that Hal would be the next leader, how could he predict that he would survive in the face of such a bet?

Sorry for English, it's not my first language.

dont worry about your english its good ^-^ its also not my first language so if u need me to rephrase something u can just ask :]

so i dont really know when baku visits eba's building exactly because its kept vague... but i agree it makes the most sense if its after the gamble vs sakai, i dont think we have a date for this? & it also has to be after nov 20th because thats when eba records the message, but before nov 23rd because thats when hal has the game vs fukurou so maybe its like this?

nov 20th (eba records the message intended for souichi)

nov 21st the gamble vs Sakai in the restaurant?

nov 22nd baku enters eba's building and finds out the truth about hal?

nov 23rd hal goes to bakus gamble in his place

i need to reread the 1998 flashbacks i might be missing some cues. the Sakai gambles (vs the son and the next day vs the father at the restaurant) could happen before nov 20th? but not too much before because i doubt eba would only record the message for souichi like 4 days after souichi got the book??? what would happen if he got here too quick and there was no message? after making the book, recording the message would probably be the first thing he does i think. im also biased towards putting baku's discovery of hal's secret as close as possible to the gamble vs fukurou cause thats the most dramatic and heartbreaking timing for things lol

for the foreshadowing about kyara becoming a real ally, the manga loves to make us question how much baku has stuff planned in advance- like, is he really SO GOOD he knew all along it would turn out like this? i think he genuinely loves risking his life and happens to have fate on his side. he DOES have plans but can he forsee things 2 years into the future? could he really know kyara would leave kakerou if baku lost surpassing the leader? i think this bit about kyara is probably one of these cases, like a stray thought he kept in his head for later, maybe he thought kyara might leave kakerou before?

and whether baku KNEW hed survive surpassing the leader or not is also one of those big questions. i think its yakou that first makes the theory, right? that baku lost on purpose and planned it all along? i think its true he did lose on purpose but only once he got there on april 9th. but that last part is my own speculation so with that in mind heres my theory for april 9th

i think after hal took his place for the nov 23rd gamble and never came back, baku was smart enough to know it meant hal died. i dont think he had any reason to think he couldve survived, somehow, so when challenging STL in 2001 when he has THIS LOOK

i think its because hes shocked to see hal (/souichi) alive. he truly believed he was dead and now hes realizing hes going to play STL with hal. and in that instant i think he makes the decision to lose on purpose because he thinks, if its hal, i will survive, he wont kill me. i think he had a more elaborate plan for the gamble but he didnt use it because he didnt expect hal being there and so instead he seizes THIS opportunity to be the funniest gambler in the history of kakerou and lose STL on purpose and still live LOL + kick in the mangas whole story (or he didnt have the heart to win against hal and kill him "again", you can choose your reading of this scene)

so baku finds out hal is a liar & a kiruma -> the next day hal takes his place in the gamble and dies -> 1.5 years later it turns out hal is alive & the leader of kakerou now??? AND HE HAS TO KILL HIM??? -> insane little plan to lose & survive and re-challenge souichi later. this is sooo messy and heartbreaking and i love it which is why its my interpretation of the events i just really love the tragedy between baku & souichi 🐝

It is clear that the writers of rnm are less concerned with the story told in episodes and more concerned with splotchy / witty dialog scenes that ultimately serve no purpose other than to fill up space. Like putting dolls in a dolhouse— but they KNOW they are dolls in a dollhouse so its no fun. At this rate, RnM will be as dry and predictable as a Family Guy episode. Characters are even becoming idealized representations of what their fans want to see.

Why is this bad?

1. It becomes predictable to how characters will react to one another.

I.E. ; Weird Rick is going to turn on Jerry. OR Jerry will outwit Weird Rick and become the main temporary villain, having lost his wife and daughter. A symbolic and story loop we’ve already seen is created that fans will ultimately be wow’d at.

2. It ruins the authenticity of the original character concepts.

Which would NOT at all be an issue if shows like Rick and Morty strived off of continuity in hopes of a brilliant but short airtime. But it doesn’t, except for minor Story arcs that come up between seasons. Ultimately, every episode starts out the same when it is not a beginning of a new season. It is counter inuitive for a show like Rick and Morty to create Character progression— you shorten the show’s life span by fixing character issues. Ultimately, we just see the same loop cycles we've seen before in order to add conflict without completely tripping the universe up for the next episode.

One way to combat this ; by adding NEW character concepts & NEW universe concepts to freshen interactions and create NEW bonds. Which is why I thoroughly enjoyed the commitment to Weird Rick’s legacy. It is one of the few things that made me happy in S6 Ep1. By committing to a story that is already foretold, the writers have added potential beyond belief.

3. Fanservice and fan tropes CAN & EVENTUALLY WILL ruin the show. Fight me. Idgaf.

I don’t say this light and out of hate as if I want the show to dwindle into ashes. Its similar to when Edward and Bella kind of got together in twilight. There was nothing there anymore.. The story progressed into something boring.. When you devote the story to what fans want to see, it becomes predictable and less of what you ACTUALLY want. Pestering writers for Rick to grovel and cry for mercy at Morty’s feet is the equivalent to adding lighter fluid to the show you watch and lighting a match. That is how quickly the show will burn up to your dopamine receptors. Because it provides a cool concept; but like a trojan horse that you expect to be a trojan horse—- gives you absolutely nothing to show for it.

Besides—- what is the actual point of wanting a character to change their behavior if you already love the character’s behaviors? I think people misunderstand—- Rick and Morty is not an Anime. There doesn’t need to be a long character transformation unless of course the main story calls for it (the trope; the power of friendship always wins). You’d ruin Rick’s character if you made him amiable. I am sorry. But again, fight me. But lets say Rick does become easy-going—- now what? Does Rick just —- like… contradict literally everything the show has already told us about him? What is the purpose of this? The endgoal?

What is sad—- I already see this being teased.. which leaves me to believe this whole character arc of Rick is going to be rinsed and repeated over and over for fanservice.

step 1. “Past me did this shitty thing because nothing matters.”

step 2. “That is a very shitty thing u did.”

step 3. “.. oh wow ur right… Im a piece of shit—i guess i do care about my family.”

fans : *gasp* “Rick REALLY does cares about people. 😔”

start from step 1 again.

At that point it is the equivalent of Summer and Morty telling season 2 Jerry he is a whiny piece of shit over and over. The character’s stories become oversaturated with the same themes.

SEVERE beyoncé post-concert depression………and hyperfixation…………

it’s been a while since i’ve seen beyonce (not stating which city for confidential purposes…but it WAS sometime within the last month). and BOYYY OH BOYYY i cant stress HOW MUCH I MISS HER 😢😢😢 THIS HURTS SOOO BAD! the hyperfixation is still ongoing. adhd go BRRR OHHH MY GOD!!! IF I COULD, I’D TOTALLY FLY TO TEXAS/NOLA/KANSAS RIGHT NOW AND GO TO ANOTHER ONE OF HER CONCERTS!!!!! 😩😩😩😩😩

im honestly just SO grateful i finally got to see her live. you have no idea. I have DREAMT of this moment since my childhood. I love her music with all my heart. I grew up on her music. it raised me daahhllinnggg!!! I have always admired her larger than life persona and her relentless work ethic. her confidence and aura is inspirational to me. the kinda energy any girl aspires to embody - a girly, fun, fierce, sexy diva. 💗

the last time she did a US tour was 2018. I wanted to go to the OTRII tour but couldn’t cuz of a family trip 😭 uhuhu! oh well. i am fucking GLAD I got to see her during freaking RENAISSANCE of all her tours. she’s been an lgbt ally and icon since the very beginning!!! PERIODTTT!!! but this era really solidified that. no matter what genre she does, she does it in a way that showcases the black perspective of that genre. it makes me so happy seeing her use her artistic abilities to try out house/garage/disco (a historically lgbt-dominated genre and subculture) AND showcase black people’s contribution to that subculture. I actually teared up a little when during one of the vcr bits that walked through the history of house music and paid tribute to frankie knuckles. and not to mention…..THE QUEENS REMIX OF BREAK MY SOUL!!! I ASCENDED HEARING THIS LIVE OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

as a bisexual woman, it felt SO cathartic experiencing such an album in real time and with all my senses. this album felt like a love letter for us. the concert felt like such a fun space to be one of The Gays™️. it made me proud to be a member of the lgbt community.

also, when she first appeared, I started SOBBINGGGGGG SAURRR HARD!!!!! she sang all her sappy ballads like flaws and all (loved when she turned the mic to us for us to sing “im a bitch in the afternoon…mood….), i care, rather die young, and 1+1 and cried the whole time because I was overwhelmed by her beauty. I couldn’t believe she was Right There…..

AND THE BLUE IVY CAMEO OMGGG!!! SHES THE CUTEST PATOOTEST KIDDO ON EARTH 🥺 I WANTED TO RUN UP THAT STAGE AND GIVE HER A HUG COZ SHES SOOO FREAKING ADORABLE! THE MOM AND DAUGHTER PERFORMANCE MADE MY HEART SOOOO SOFT🥺😢

she also sang a medley of her old hits and i LOST MY MARBLES OMGGG!!! AND WHEN SHE SANG SPEECHLESS OF ALL SONGS LIKE WTF!!??? THAT’S A DEEEEEP CUT FROM HER DISCOGRAPHY!!!! AND ONE OF MY FAVORITES!!!! JUST THINKING ABOUT IT IS MAKING ME BRAINROT!!!! and don’t even get me started with diva, get me bodied, 7/11, partition, crazy in love, love on top (which she made us RECITE the mfing lyrics to….), formation, cuff it, move, and america is a problem. I sounded like a mfing SCREAMO singer when singing out some of those lyrics hunny….one person even gave me a funny look. GURL! I’m here to go apeshit (no pun intended) not be a statue.

i couldnt agree more with you! i really dont understand why everyone is so hyped over seven. i have to admit it kind of disappointed me with its shallow lyrics. and i dont understand the purpose of the explicit version? i really hate it. and i think its okay not to like every single song they put out, being an army definitely doesnt mean you have to agree with everything they say, do… but i really hope that the rest of the songs in his album wont be so shallow and i really want them to be more unique like the rest of their songs… i feel like with songs like seven you can listen to them a couple of times and then get bored (but maybe thats just my opinion idk). tbh i think jk is just trying to show us something different than what he showed us previously and i dont blame him for that. but im definitely more looking forward to the songs that he will actually write because im sure that he is capable of writing deeper and more meaningful lyrics. and even if the whole album is in english it doesnt necessarilly mean its going to be completely westernized, right? he did say he wants to try new genres… i think he just wants to challenge himself to try something new and i think a fully-english album is a part of that.

either way, i really wish him all the best because i genuinely believe he’s a bit lost and lonely without other members. to me, it seems that the hiatus definitely had the biggest impact on him? but at the end on the day, 2025 is not THAT far away and im excited for when we can see them as a group again💜 jk even said (recently) that after hiatus they will come back even stronger and i think these words are definitely worth lookig forward to💜

p.s. im sorry for such a long message🥲 i just wanted to share my thoughts on here… and i apologize for my poor english😬

if Watt wanted a no brainer song then he succeeded 😂 and yeah i don't like the explicit ver lol someone i follow here said it sounds like they only did it for shock value, which i kinda agree with. the explicit ver cheapened a song that barely had any meaning to begin with (y'all do not come after me for this. you know it's true) but i guess people really wanted to hear him say fuck 😂

true. jk is definitely trying to show a different side of him and good for him, honestly. but i don't think it necessarily reflects in the quality of the songs yk? i think this is more about presenting a new image rather than exploring the sound.

when you say just bc it's in english doesn't mean it's completely westernized, that is also true. but then considering the people he's working with, i'm not holding out much hope for that 😔

the hiatus... yeah :( they raised him, he literally spent half of his life with them and this is the first time he has to be apart from them in like 13 years. also i feel like there's this kinda pressure for them to all release a solo album before enl*sting, so idk if this also plays a part in him not taking the time to focus on His sound himself but yeah just putting this out there

do not apologize for the long message!! i love it i truly truly do. you could send me 50 whole pages of condensed text and i will still be left wanting more. i love that we can have respectful conversations about this :') and what r u talking about, your english is flawless!!

I still think Vol2 sucks. I get that Duffers wanted us to ''feel the lost'' but feeling the loss and feeling the bad writing are different things.

Max's death was handled badly. I know she's going to come back probably but what I'm talking about is that her first escape from Vecna was good and then her death made no sense. Why El did bring her back to life but not really? I mean, she's not exactly there as well so what's the point? Why did they use the Dear Billy scene where they showed how Max overcame Vecna but killed her after?

Eddie's death is still trash. Heck, I don't want him to come back because I hate when characters come back again and again. But let's be real his death made no sense. I don't care about Eddie as a character that much but his death was badly written.

Jason's and Brenner's deaths were predictable so no comment on that (I also sincerely hope that they won't Brenner back again because dear god...)

Not gonna talk about the way they handled Will's character and basically tortured him and made Mike's character trash it's a fact that Melvin still sucks and Mike's dynamic with both El and Will are off. It's like he doesn't even know what he is doing anymore. Associating El with her superpowers and calling her a superhero while distancing her from 'humanity' and saying contradictory shit many times during the monologue (saying he loves her without her powers but then continues to capitalize on how great her powers are and how she is a superhero) saying his life started the day Will went missing, the whole monologue being prompted by Will and running off Will's feelings from the van. What was the purpose? Let's be real, this was trash for each character involved. Are we supposed to believe Mike is a decent person? Honestly, El and Will should escape from him ASAP. Mike just doesn't even know what he is doing anymore and I just don't understand how the Duffers are even going to fix this mess with Mike's character. I don't care about the romance, really. Even from a platonic perspective, it doesn't sound good for him. Was he just speaking at the heath of the moment? Was he truly telling the truth and believing in everything he said? Then that means he doesn't understand El and Will at all, Im sorry. Oblivious or not, still Mike is a bad character to me. Saying he didn't say he loved El because he was afraid she wouldn't need him made no sense. She was literally crying her eyes out when she was beginning Mike to say the words before. She clearly needed him there and wanted to hear the words. Mike didn't even flinch a bit and proceeded to gaslight her. Let's be real bro Mike's character cannot be fixed and the amount of justification is hilarious ATP.

Erica and Lucas getting hate-crimed basically sucked. That scene was hard to watch. Is the minority characters getting hatecrimed and tortured a theme now?

El's powers makes no sense to me tbh. It's like they're giving her random powers atp. How was she able to re-start Max's heart? Also her sacrifice actually meant nothing because Vecna still won and the Hawkins got destroyed so again, what was the point? The way they handled Max's character this volume is annoying. I get what they were trying to do but still it was sloppy.

Also, Robin and Vickie only talked for a couple of minutes and Vickie spent more time on kissing her now ex boyfriend than to talk to Robin. What was the point? To draw parallels to Will/Mike? Still shit writing imo. We didn't even get to see Robin happy properly.

Idk man things sucked hard tbh. It's like Vol2 was just there to create drama and cool stuff and shit instead of providing actual quality writing with substance. I'm done man lmao. I wish I've never watched this volume to begin with.

I do agree with a lot of what you said, tbh, but there are a few things I also disagree with so I'll try to break down my response by individual number because there's so much to go over here, lol.

I know Max's death was one of those things that had to happen, but it shouldn't have because it lessens the impact of her Dear Billy escape and that still pisses me off. I cannot even begin to explain how much that pissed me off because now every time I go back to that episode, I don't get the emotion from it that I used to because her escaping what she kept saying was her fate is what made the scene powerful. For her to have an amazing and moving escape like that only to die later takes so much away from it.

His death was fucking pointless, I agree. Next.

Absolutely, and the predictability of Vol 2 pissed me off even more with it.

I still think that was purposeful, and if it's not in 2 years and they really used Will just to build up Melvin, then that's fucking horrible and the backlash they'll receive for that will be huge. Using Will's feelings, even with as fucked up as that is, didn't even fix Melvin either. Nothing is resolved here, and Mike just used what Will told him in the van because he thinks they're El's feelings. Doesn't make it better, but it is what it is, I guess. They should've just ended Melvin in Vol 2, I still think, purposeful or not (as we'll see in 2 years), because it was already going that way and they've dragged this shitshow out for too long already.

Unfortunately seems to be a running theme at least this volume. It's not a good look.

That literally came out of fucking nowhere, and there's basically no limits now. If she can revive people, how is there going to be any future danger? Especially if she gets good at it later on? I don't know. I kind of hate that they basically made her Jesus, lol.

Really really hope they'll develop Robin and Vickie's story together more next season, because I absolutely agree. The parallels are one thing, but being all Vickie's kind of used for right now is pretty shit, ngl.

I still have my beef with Vol 2 as well, analysis aside. Some things make more sense now, but it still doesn't really make it any better to me. Not to mention the pacing of Vol 2 and the characters that were slightly out of character, and so many of the good moments were improvised. Not that there's anything wrong with improvisation and actors do have good ideas sometimes, but it made me feel like they still cared less about the writing of Vol 2 and rushed a lot of things.

shaman king ch 17

im crying omfg this was a heavy chapter im crying i cant!! what an amazing way to end this volume :,)

to be honest i didn’t fully understand the “to kill your heart” phrasing from last chapter...but this is a very interesting way of focusing and not letting your emotions dictate your actions and influence future. if your dream and goals in life are strong and you believe in yourself and hold true to your dream, you will get there little by little.

cool scene!

another cool scene! very gorgeous! i adore these illustrations in between chapters!

i’m not really a person that is interested in watching actions fighting scenes...but Takei Hiroyuki really makes it feel impactful and artful and interesting. it isn’t like other shounen animes where the fighting scenes feel days or even weeks long, but these fighting scenes have purpose, they have a reason and aren’t excessively long. it really enjoy that about this story the most.

its interesting how even in death, they are still very much master and student. and i like this scene because even though pyron is very well-known and is “a master” to many others, he is still a student...as we are all still students and learning and needing a helping hand every now and again. im probably reading too much into this but this series really has me overthinking this way...plus it’s how i process all these profound ideas and concepts.

pyron’s story is one of the few that really attacks me emotionally and i just really feel for him and his struggle. it’s tough because he really has all a strong reason to struggling with himself and everyone like this. but at the same time i love that the story doesn't let it play out too long nor glorifies or romanticizes this inner grief of what he has lost. after letting his anger and frustration out for a moment, he is dealt this his own ego and pride for his goals and dreams and i find that super hard, to choose your dreams over letting yourself drown in these emotions. it isn’t easy.

another very cool scene!!

i love and adore that jun has moved from calling pyron “hers” until she “lost him” because of her loss of complete control but the truth is, and anna said it in the last chapter, that pyron is HER responsibility and she has to take ownership over her actions. like these kids are really doing her a favor at this point. but anyways after that, pyron has “become hers again” after jun has realized that she never lost him but she can.idk what im saying alsdkjfalksdfa im sleepy

[ cue pretty handsome reveal ]

man yoh NEEDS A BREAK! again he went out with his friends and took a break to watch a movie with them and then this happens. he never can catch a break, poor yoh

i love jun’s growth and development in this whole arc like wow. just like pyron, it isn’t easy to realize that you were wrong in situations you have felt very strongly for. it’s also very honorable and graceful of jun to admit defeat to yoh as well and to acknowledge yoh’s own strength and ability and worth as a person and shaman :,)

aaaaa [ cue my tears again ] im crying in the chat laksdjflaksjdf ;O;)/ bruuuuuuuhhh this is like so smooth and damn asldkfjalksdjfadlskf i want them both to heal and learn from each other and grow again and be better people than when they were separately and just i love pyron and jun so much!!

amazing cool scene. man

[chef kiss] beautiful amazing wonderful amazing extraordinary!!! a standing ovation on my part to this! volume 2 is over and next is volume 3!!! i...idk how my heart can take this XD ive been feeling very sensitive lately due to personal events and just these stories and characters really get to me.

theres always been lighthearted comments and jokes about those of us who unintentionally flit between interests, but im learning that there can be a deep kind of pain to it as well. because sometimes those interests will just fade away, or disappear as quickly as they came, both without you even noticing - but sometimes you discover something that brings you unbridled happiness and peace like nothing else, or you believe youve found your calling or life purpose, and you become so invested and enamoured with the joy and freedom of it all that you think theres no way it could only be temporary. you think ‘everything has finally fallen into place, everything is so right, my life is finally beginning, im finally free’. —and then you feel it. the tendrils of how you felt before, quietly seeping back in. you start losing your energy again; you start laughing and smiling less; you start doubting yourself and your aspirations. youve put all of your eggs into this perfect new basket, but now, where you used to look upon it with glee and pure love, you cant help but hear this voice at the back of your mind wondering why it doesnt look as pristine as it used to. asking ‘did you ever really like it? was that really what you wanted?’. when did your passion become past tense?

you try to ignore it or tell yourself youre just having an off day, because youre still attached to this new thing, its the centre of your whole world -- my god, sometimes it can even feel like its become part of your soul or entire being; you have nothing but adoration for it!! yet this preemptive grief still kicks in. even while youre actively engaging with whatever you were just honeymooning with, you simultaneously start to mourn it. you can hold on tight as you like, but that isnt what itll take to stop it from dissipating through your fingers. you feel outrage, because this that you now lived for or treasured is being taken from you for no reason at all, and theres nothing you can do about it. you feel lost and defeated and somewhat backstabbed. its a bit embarrassing, too, to have to go back to everyone who knows you and be like ‘youre right. it didnt last’. for the 100th time.

you spend the next unknown amount of time plunged back into disinterest and misery, fearing all kinds of things; fearing that youll never feel better again, that youll never see that previous ‘something’ in the same divine light, that youll never find something as good again, something that made you enjoy life. just as you believed the goodness wouldnt end, you dont believe this will end either. this extended period of mind-numbing, life-wasting dissatisfaction and boredom.

eventually you realise that this cycle is no different than clouds periodically covering the sun, or someone rampantly pulling the switch between summer and winter. your loves will still be there after the clouds pass; its all still waiting on the other side of this barren duration. and there may be something new for you then, or maybe something you managed to shelve and run, before the bad feelings could tarnish it; or something you salvaged from the negativity and to put back together with a tenderness that never left. theres so much consolation to be found in remembering that you typically do return to your old cherished things. sometimes with a gap of either months or many, many years, but ultimately youre both still there, ready for the right time and the right mental place to come together and create that spark again. the heartbreak of losing it once more will be right around the corner too, but thats when ill just have to remind myself that its only being taken to a collection of my other most prized interests and aspirations, and i can visit when the clouds have passed again

stage 1 of grief is denial and well i guess my constant wonderings and questions in my head of ‘what if’ may be a manifestation of that. its been 2 days since i was told by a psychiatrist that there isn’t any help for me because the issues im having are most likely due to my brain development and structure and i cant expect myself to ever feel emotion of the same caliber as most other people. but i can say without a doubt i tried and did what i could i went back to therapy i did months of med trials to see if there was an issue there ive kept up my good habits i have not harmed myself or self sabotaged in any way for a bit of a long time now. because well i just feel bad if i dont try and get better when my friends and supports have put so much energy into uplifting me and because i want to believe theres going to be a life for me where i feel excitement and anticipation and connection and anger and sadness and mourning and stress and a life for me where theres enjoyment and identifiable likes and hobbies and things i can put time and effort into and result in pride......... i keep turning it around in my head that maybe there’s hope yet maybe there’s some sort of medication that can treat what i’m experiencing watever it is i dont know if theres even a real name to be put to it... depression anhedonia psychosis dissociation anything at all would just be so great so that i can make sure for myself theres really no other solutions. 

its not that im suicidal or anything because obviously im not cuz i WANT to live and feel and love.... cuz its so frustrating living in such a constant state of boredom and having to watch days pass like sand thru my fingers erased and started again.but i really just want to live like a human again i know that they told me the course of action is acceptance and introspection and community but its hard to accept because i cant bring myself to accept that life is hopeless and so so full of boredom and despair and frustration and no connections at all as if everyone has just been making up the whole power of love thing... i want it to be happy and colorful and i want to have a feeling of purpose every day to do something i enjoy or work towards a goal or even just work.... its so difficult 2 keep me from harmful coping mechanisms to break the rhythm but i know i have to so that i can say i did my  best. i want there to be hope i want there 2 be a life with feeling and connection and love i want to be given a good reason to keep giving life chances........the frustration chokes me and its rough in my throat like rugburn and makes me cry.....i dont want 2 be a lost cause