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updownlately · 11 months

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i'm the definition of 'wreck' (if you look into my soul)

| leah williamson x reader | angst | 2.4k | inspo: time by nf / everywhere by niall horan | a/n: i tried to write angst, no idea how that went but here's what i got. technically since no names were named you can imagine any player from the arsenal wfc as 'her' but i wrote this with leah in mind bc well im a lw6 simp

~~~

It's been like this for weeks. This push and pull. The little things that work just a little harder each time to knock you over the edge. To be honest you don’t know how much of it you can take. And what’s worse is you know you’ve got nobody but yourself to blame.

It’s when she’s leaving your shared bed early in the mornings, long before either of you need to be up. It’s the way she’d retire to bed later than she probably should, long after you’ve headed up, risking less sleep just to avoid contact.

It shouldn’t be like this. Love shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn't be missed date nights, keys grabbed after every fight, doors slammed, sometimes more nights a week spent at hotels than your own bed. Yet, it’s all you’ve ever known and the only thing you carry in your heart. This sad, broken, pathetic attempt at love is really all you have to offer.

In all honesty, you were shit at this relationship thing, though no one could blame you. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and yet you’ve begged and prayed that it would. And yeah you technically have control over your actions and should better yourself, but you’ve tried and failed over and over again. You’ve tried to improve, work on yourself, create a better version of you, but in the end, when everything’s burning and there’s napalm in the air and rubble all around you, all you’ll ever know is to grab your weapon, fire, and run.

It’s left you alone, failed relationship after failed relationship. You swear you’ve tried. Tried to work on communicating, on breathing deep breaths before your anger builds up, on talking about your fucking feelings. Regardless, it’s never enough for yourself. You run, you hide, you lock yourself away until there’s nothing to find.

So when weeks and months pass and you see her each day with the light finally returning to her eyes you can’t help but be glad that she got rid of you.

And when you feel so broken seeing her and her family after a game won at your home pitch, you quietly gather the shattered pieces of your heart and make your way toward the locker rooms with nobody but yourself to blame.

It's only as you pass the friends and family section that you can pick out her mother’s voice and your name being said in conversation, with a follow up question on how you’re doing, something you really don’t deserve after how you’ve treated her.

You’re very much aware that no matter how many times you fix your damaged heart and dull all the sharp edges, that you’ll still end up hurting those around you. So you speed up ever so slightly, shielding your already broken heart, cradling the pieces that had fallen ever so gently as they break further in your hands, careful not to cut anybody along the way. You swear you drop some pieces in your hurry, but with your rush you tell yourself you’d come back later to grab them (spoiler: you never do).

You end up showering and changing before anyone else has even made it back inside. Making a pit stop to confirm your departure and the following days’ schedules with your manager and coach, you check the time and head to your car.

It's late afternoon and while that helps expand your options for lunch, it also means you have one too many hours left in the day to survive before you can let yourself head to bed. Contemplating on how to spend the rest of your day, it’s your tiredness that makes the final decision.

You grab a quick lunch, choosing to not head home and instead to the gym for a workout. It may not be one of your wiser decisions to have an extensive training session today, but with the free time on your hand and the voices in your head, there’s really no better option.

Meeting up with your trainer, which by the way bless his heart for booking you at the last minute, you gather your gloves and handwrap and head towards the equipment. It’s as you run through your normal warm-up that you reflect on how pathetic your life’s become.

For the past three months, you’ve damn near ceased to exist. Yeah your body’s still here, you’re waking up in the mornings, attending practices, playing in games, all the good stuff really, but you know you’re not there. A feeling you’re all too familiar with. The lack of care of what happens to your body, the way your slide tackles and play gets just a tad bit more dangerous each game, the way you keep training, choosing to ignore the idea of a recovery period, the way your car’s more comforting to you than the apartment you own. You’ve been here before and it wasn’t a good place then and it sure as hell isn’t now, but it's all you know and the only thing that’s never really left, so you’ll cherish it for as long as you can. You know that if anything and everything leaves, as they always seem to do, you’ll still have your companion in the darkness.

The sane part of you realizes how far gone you are, it tries, tries so helplessly hard to pull you back, remind you that you can be okay, but this time? This time you’re sure you’ve given up on trying to remember that. So you’ll do what you know best. Let it consume you. Let it destroy you. Pick you apart piece by piece. Let you slowly forget the feel of a sunny day and a good practice with the team. Rid you of the joy that comes with the pretty sunsets London Colney sometimes has to offer. And this time you’ll let it all happen with open arms, truly, honestly, finally exhausted.

An hour later when your trainer’s calling it a day and forcing you to take a break, you listen, if only to spare yourself a lecture. You grab your stuff, shower, change, and head out. You’ve still got a couple hours left to kill, and with your training bag and boots still in your car, it’s not a difficult decision of where to go.

Opening your car door and entering, you can feel the day catch up to you, your body readily sinking into the driver's seat, almost protesting against your mind. You know you’ll be feeling these workouts tomorrow, but your mind’s not done racing yet.

Lacing your boots a short while later, back at the training grounds, you grab your spare ball and warm-up once again, going through the motions. With how many hours you’ve spent at the grounds alone, you’ve developed a pretty consistent solo training session. It's the peace of being alone, a football at your feet, and a near-perfect grassy pitch at your disposal that your mind slowly begins to slow, finally tiring.

You thought you got lucky, a finally tired mind and the hour changing to one acceptable enough for sleep, but then your phone rings, an all too familiar caller ID flashing the screen.

Eight pm after a match in the afternoon is an odd time for your coach to be calling you and with curiosity getting the best of you, you scramble to answer the phone. Running through the pleasantries, you gently prod the reason for his call.

The answer you get isn’t what you were expecting really, but then again, it was a miracle it had taken this long for it to be said.

“Your contract’s ending soon. wrapping up the third and headed into the final year. Any thoughts on your future?”

The tone in Jonas’ voice causes your heart to sink. This club had been home to you since you had left your own. Arsenal had accepted you with open arms from the start, being your saving grace when you had thought you were going to be subjected to living a broken life at a place that never felt like home. When they had renewed your initial two year contract into another four, you had been elated for your future. You had never felt more excited to be tied down to a place before. taking a silent deep breath, you push back the memories of that day and swallow your emotions effortlessly.

“Depends. What's my future at Arsenal looking like?”

“You tell me. You of all players know that chemistry in a team is what makes a team run, what makes a team successful.”

His response tells you everything you need to know. You know he wasn’t oblivious to what had happened. How your outgoing personality had slowly stopped being exactly that. The way that you had pulled away from your teammates, treating them like nothing more than colleagues rather than friends, treating your job as what it simply was, your job. But you never expected him to have let it impact your presence on the team. You knew what you were worth and what you brought to the table. You weren’t a goal scoring machine, or defensive unit, a tough protective wall. You were you. You played all your minutes like they were the last you’d ever play, heart left of the pitch (not that there was much left of it anyway). You were content with setting your teammates up, leading the league in assists. You were a decent tackler, winning more than two thirds of your face-offs on the regular. You knew your worth on the team, and your agent reminded you of it often enough too, mentioning the potential offers you could have from other clubs regardless of how many times you’d told him you didn’t plan to leave.

“Our on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. My on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. We’re still a unit on the field Jonas and you know it. You know I have the utmost respect for you and this club, don’t let me think any differently.”

“A handful of clubs have reached out. Their offers are tempting to say the least.”

As much as it hurt you to say the next few words, you knew that taking any other stance would leave you stuck, broken for the umpteenth time. “I trust you to make the best decision for the club. At the end of the day, I wish nothing but the best for Arsenal.”

The ‘with or without me’ goes unsaid but from the few years that you’ve worked with him, you knew for a fact that he had heard the unspoken words. As Jonas lets you know that while a decision had to be made, there wasn’t an immediate rush, you know for a fact that you’ll likely not be calling London home again. And when you both agree to reconnect a week from now, you’ve already accepted your fate.

It’s an unusually silent drive home for you. The brief break you had earlier from your mind is long gone as you make a mental note to get in touch with your agent first thing tomorrow morning.

The post goes up after your last match of the season. While Arsenal had qualified for the Champions League once again, the team had gotten knocked out in the semis for the tournament, ending their season a few days early. It’s between the break of club football and world cup prep that your departure is announced, with no real destination said. If you hadn’t known that London wasn’t home for you anymore, the lack of a response besides an occasional story about the post from a few of your teammates solidified it.

It's when Bayern upload their new signing post with you holding up your new jersey that the final nail in the coffin is hammered in. The way your move suddenly becomes real. The comments being said online. Speculation on why Arsenal decided to let you go despite your importance to their success. Why Bayern was who you chose. Why there was no lengthy farewell. The people were digging for any crumbs, any notions on why you may have left, but it was only you and your teammates that really knew, and you all chose to keep mum.

It’s with the acceptance that you’re leaving do you feel absolutely unwanted and lost. And while you’d felt lost in your life before, it had never been like this. Feeling lost was when you were younger and couldn’t find your mother while at the toy store and when you had gotten your first failing mark in school. Feeling lost was when you were asked to leave your childhood home after coming out, no idea where to go. It was when you still got night terrors from the fights that your parents used to have even when you thought you had healed. But being lost had never felt like this. It had never reminded you that you had lost the only good in your life. That the only family you had ever loved didn’t want you anymore. That you hurt all those around you, people you promised to protect and love. That you had a gaping hole in your chest from a gun that you had fired.

So as the weeks pass and the world cup comes and goes and you notice yourself slipping just a little more each day, you let it play out. You don’t know what your breaking point is but at this point you just don’t care enough to not find out, especially since you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

When you leave your bed early in the mornings, long before you need to be up just because sleep wasn’t coming to you and retire to bed later than you should just to avoid having to lay in a bed alone, you blame yourself. When you come home to an empty apartment in a new city, the loneliness amplified by the darkness you choose to adorn your apartment with, you have no one to turn to but yourself. And when you interact with your new teammates solely for work in fear of hurting them too, you remind yourself that you’re broken, only able to spread your misery rather than feel joy.

It never was supposed to be like this. Existing wasn’t supposed to be like this. But now it’s all you know and all you have. So when you wish you yourself could leave your body and soul behind, it wasn't hard to understand why she left you.

At the end of the day, when everything's done and gone, you at your core were a mess you didn't know how to control, a wreck of a soul, barely alive.

#woso imagine #woso x reader #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson x reader #woso fanfics #angst #arsenal wfc x reader #x reader #reader insert #my writing #fic #itdow #leah williamson

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bisexualfemalemess · 9 months

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*HSMTMTS SEASON 4 SPOILERS*

Watched episodes 4-6 and Ricky Bowen is so unhinged this season, i love it 😭😭😭 Also rina failed couple costume because their out of sync and finally revealing their dating, i love it. Also my heart dropped when he said he needed a minute. MADLYN ALMOST KISS?!! Ruined by that pumpkin ghost, jarred is a fucking weirdo??? SEB CHEATED ON CARLOS???? Loved the original song this episode tho and jet simping for kourtney.

WITH BIG RED??? The way that gina’s motivation and way of finding chemistry is ricky 😭😭😭 I love them. Ej giving ricky advice on gina and caswen hug and i love you, i love their friendship. Glad, he’s with val. Loved their duet. The redlyn break-up was inevitable and i’m hoping it’s leading towards madlyn even if madison answered maddox’s phone. I MEAN SHR HAD A PICTURE OF HER IN HER LOCKER SHSHSHSHW Jealous ricky is a serve, i love it. HE’S TIRED OF LOOSING PEOPLE GIVE HIM HIS HAPPY END. Terri was annoying me in episode 5 like you told your daughter no boys and then you make an exception for a famous actor??? Like stfu. You don’t even know your daughter. I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT RINA RAINKISS KNOCKED ALL THE AIR FROM MY LUNGS!!! AND THE CHOCOLATES?! A SPIN HUG IN THE RAIN TOO, I LOVE THEM, THEY HAVE AN INSANE CHOKE HOLD ON ME😭😭😭 Also, Love Kourtney’s storyline and jump was so good and Emmy is such a comedic relief, i love her.

Ricky calling her sweetie, awww. NO RINA TROYELLA??? I HATE IT HERE. Emmy’s episode 6 storyline, my baby she just wanted to sing ☹️ FLASHBACKS! Kourtney and Ashlyn were so cute in the scene with their little pact. Love their friendship. BENJAMIN WAS IN A BOY BAND?! BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF MY LIFE. Awww miss jenn worrying and carinh about carlos without even really knowing him. MOTHER from the beginning. SEB AND NATALIE??? He’s so unserious “I was in a serious relationship. With a woman.” Seblos over again, they’re so cute. Get back together. ALSO THE AMOUNT OF SWEARING THIS SEASON ENSNEJWJS, IT KEEPS GETTING ME SO OFF GUARD. “He’s singing the damn song!” RICKYYYYY. Close-up on all the couples unofficial and official, they’re all endgame. REAL!! Gina flashback!!! Yes, she taught herself how to knit a hat. “Find something you like about this school and try not to kill it.” Runs into ricky. It’S A RINA FLASHBACK!!! I miss gina 1.0 but i love season 4 gina sm. Gina convinced him to join the musical and she joined because of him!!! “Love is lame, idiot. That’s why i try to avoid it.” NOT ANYMORE. Ha! “Good luck, skaterboy.” HE WAS A SKATER BOY, SHE SAID SEE YOU LATER BOY. They’re so fucking tethered and soulmates. THEY OWN MY LIFE! Alyson reed giving miss jenn advice and her joining east high omfg. TRUST THE PROCESS PERIODDD. GIVE RICKY A HAPPY END MF!!! THESE ARE HER CHILDREN DEN MOTHER FRR. OMG! DREAMS DON’t DIE!!!! Emmy’s voice is gorgeous, all the songs hit so hard this season tf. It’s the little rina moments this episode for me. ALYSON REED AND BART JOHNSON HELPING THE DRAMA DEPARTMENT AWWW! Gina not wanting to say i love you first i get it and i’m a ricky saying i love you first truther. RICKY GOT INTO COLLEGE!!! MY BOY! 1.8 GPA?! BOY, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THESE YEARS. Awww, as long as gina’s there his future’s locked, she’s his future 😭😭😭 NO, WTF WAS GINA’S CALL ABOUT IF IT’S SOMETHING BAD IM THROWING HANDS.

#gina porter #hsmtmts #rina #ricky bowen #ricky x gina #seblos #caswen #madlyn #redlyn #jetney #jennzzara

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addictedtostorytelling · 6 months

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Still loving the newest addition to the Happy Accidents series & your last chapter got me thinking about a potential scene I would love to hear from your perspective (or maybe you’ve already written it & I’ve just got to be patient…)

In the last chapter you mentioned Sara’s PTSD & Grissom was so sweet. Particularly this part “She knows why he is worried: Over the years, he has learned to associate nerviness in her with periods when her mental health is poor. She isn’t usually quick to startle, but during the times when her PTSD is bad—around anniversaries—she can be. She gets so in her own head that anything happening outside has the potential to shock.”

It got me thinking about how in this alternate universe, Sara would be about 6-7 months pregnant when the anniversary of her abduction came & I would love to read her thoughts on that & how Grissom helps her deal with it. Does it cause her to reflect on how different her life looks now than a year ago? Does she think about all the reasons she didn’t give up in the desert? Does she feel the baby kick & is brought out of her thoughts, grateful for how her life looks?

And if you’ve already written a scene like this…I’ll sit over here (im)patiently waiting.

hi, @chelsshearman!

good to hear from you again! i'm so glad to know you're enjoying the story so far.

i've taken a while to come up with an answer to your (very thoughtful) question, and though i can't show any prose from that part of the story just yet without revealing some major accidentsverse spoilers, i can offer you a more pared down answer after the "keep reading," if you're interested.

note: in order to avoid major accidentsverse spoilers, i purposefully use ambiguous language surrounding sara's pregnancy in this answer.

sara knows from experience: trauma doesn't adhere to a strict calendar.

sometimes exact anniversaries are bad, but other times the days and weeks surrounding are when the cptsd symptoms really hit.

november has historically been a crapshoot for her, any day—not just the exact anniversary of her father's murder—liable to be a bad one, the whole month something of a slog.

though she is hopeful: now that her wedding anniversary falls mid-month, maybe she'll have better associations going forward.

she is well-aware of this temporal idiosyncrasy in her brain, and so is her therapist, which is why he starts counseling with her in mid-april about what to anticipate come may, for what will be the first anniversary of her abduction by natalie davis.

admittedly, she is, at this point, distracted. not only is there a lot going on in her life pregnancy-wise, but things are busier than ever at work. by now, she is no longer in the field and has instead become the de facto "point person" for her teammates at the lab, which, contrary to what she had expected, has somehow upped her caseload. still, she tries her best to complete her therapy assignments with what few spare hours she has. is diligent about going in for sessions. practices all of the self-care techniques her therapist recommends. stays on top of taking her meds. makes sure to look after herself as well as she can.

—and especially because grissom is so obviously worried about her.

not only does he admit as much outright, sans prompting, but he also is so careful with her. he had already been wonderfully attentive, but now she hardly even has to think she might want something before he appears to offer it. she swears to god: the man is telepathic. also, far too sweet.

thankfully, as the calendar turns over into may, there are some fun, new pregnancy developments to help to take her mind off the impending anniversary: grissom is finally able to feel kicking. (for a long time, she had felt fetal movements internally, but they hadn't been detectable in any external way.) also, a first instance of fetal hiccups, which is just about the weirdest, coolest sensation she has ever experienced.

that said, about two weeks before the big anniversary™, she does start experiencing some "trauma residuals" from her abduction. she's not having flashbacks or nightmares or full-on panic attacks, per se; she just feels off. spacey. emotionally unbalanced. like everything in her head has just been shifted two inches to the left of where it should be.

she keeps expecting to have some kind of big breakdown at some point, but the catharsis doesn't ever come.

and, honestly, the lack of punctuation is what bothers her more than anything.

she confides in grissom: she's scared. she tried to get out ahead of her trauma by "doing all the right things," but she is still being affected, not in any obvious, dramatic way but enough so that her trauma is inarguably impacting her behavior. coworkers keep asking her if she’s okay. looking like they don’t fully believe her when she says she is. she can’t help but be concerned: what if the same thing happens a few years on from now? the last thing in the world she would ever want to do to her child(ren) is make them feel like mommy's sad or upset for no reason.

so she and grissom talk the issue through: they both agree that trauma is a fickle thing—particularly as trauma reactions can't always be pinned down to one day or easily predicted in terms of how they'll manifest. show great variance in intensity, duration, form, etc. also can't be totally prevented, even if one tries to account for them as much as possible. chances are, she will be dealing with after effects—from her childhood, from her abduction—for the rest of her life.

sara explains: logically, she knows all of these things. but she still doesn't want their child(ren) to suffer for having a traumatized parent. she has experience that way with her own mother. remembers how helpless she felt when she was little, watching her mother struggle; how much she internalized her mother's sadness and anger. though as an adult, she (mostly) knows better now, back then, she wondered if she caused or exacerbated her mother’s misery and questioned why she wasn't enough to make her mother happier.

here, grissom digs in: "and did your mother ever answer those questions for you?"

her silence tells him no.

grissom offers his postulate: the truth might have helped—not by making sara’s mother “magically better” but by allowing sara, even as a child, to contextualize the situation and understand her mother's mental health conditions existed independent of anything having to do with her. just hearing, in no uncertain terms, that her mother wasn’t sad for any reason having to do with her may have alleviated some of her misplaced guilt.

sara agrees: they should be honest with their child(ren) and explain things at a level they can understand.

but she still worries: it will be a long time yet before they can have those kinds of honest conversations. what will happen in the meanwhile? babies pick up on their caretakers' cues and moods, after all. she doesn’t want to do damage by exuding sadness or fear in their child(ren)’s presence.

grissom reassures her: in all the time they've been together, even during periods when her mental health has been at its poorest ("even in november"), he has always felt loved by and safe with her. he has not been oblivious to her sadness and fear. but he also has never felt that those reactions in her negated her affections. he suspects their child(ren) will feel the same.

still, she makes him promise: if she ever gets to the point where she can't be a good caretaker of their child(ren), he'll intervene. "that was part of the problem," she explains, "with my parents. no matter how miserable things got, no one said anything or did anything about it. no one asked for help. we all just sat there with it."

grissom agrees: they'll ask for help if they need it. offer help when they see it's needed, even if it hasn't been asked for. and neither one of them will give up.

the promise does make sara feel somewhat better.

—though, of course, it doesn’t fully alleviate her cptsd symptoms.

may proves to be a hard month, not only because of the trauma but for other reasons, too.

[insert major accidentsverse spoilers here]

but it also is not without happy moments—sometimes impossibly happy, like the first time they see a footprint, clearly discernible for what it is, show through the skin of her belly—and, most importantly, never without love.

she reflects: one year ago, she was alone in a desert, sure she was going to die. now, she is never alone, and she has never been surer of what she has to live for. lying in bed with grissom, his hand over the footprint protruding slightly below her navel, she feels a kind of peace she could never have imagined she would feel, just one year on from that day. she knows: what happened to her will stay with her for the rest of her life—will sometimes rear up in unaccountable ways—but it won’t be what defines her. won’t be the main throughline in her story. she’s writing that one herself, here, now. and she loves where her story is headed.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #chelsshearman #accidentsverse #csiverse #my fic #**

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fishbonedotcom · 3 months

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Bestie who is irene from the matrons realm. Theres no tags on t. That. And im intrigued :)

Bunnyfella my coconspirator in pacrim and also Minecraft. Im so glad you asked. OK. SO. Going to be avoiding spoilers best I can, but. Irene is sort of a big deal to the whole. Everything.

That was a post talking abt Minecraft Diaries, a Minecraft lets play turned roleplay from 2015. The cannon gets a little handwavey in places bc some of it is. Stupid.

It had three sessions (and a modern au (called “my street”) that evolved into a separate thing. Its complicated) MCD is a fantasy story abt our main character Aphmau (named after and played by the CC, Aphmau) who wakes up in the woods one day and becomes the lord of the village, Phoenix Drop, largely on accident. And then other things happen.

In the world theres a handful (7?) of very powerful individuals that lived far before the main time called the Divine Warriors. (several founded cities and bloodlines, so like for sure existed.) We don’t know a lot about most of them, both bc the show ended after session 3 and because in story its been a very long time since the divine warriors were alive. History treats them more like gods then people.

Irene (sometimes just The Matron, shes usually purple and has the fleur-de-lis symbol in art. Ill rb some in a second) was the founder/leader of the divine warriors. As the founder she’s one of the most powerful divine warriors and created her own realm, the Irene dimension. (It probably had its own, not stupid, name. Again lost to history)

(im assuming this is bc you saw the shadow knights post)

Shad was her opposite and equal, he created/ruled over the Neather (draw all the biblical parallels you’d like. They’re definitely there) Shadow knights are the members of Shads army, its very emo, and because they draw their power from Shad we were speculating what that would mean if they wound up in the Irene dimension.

#minecraft diaries #i am so so so normal about this rp #presidential address #long post #< just in case

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aveys6 · 1 year

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spent a whole two days avoiding spoilers just for my dad to cancel our ted lasso watch party. i miss him dearly, but i can't keep ted lasso away too long

episode 8 was... weird

a good weird i think

i dont know

more human than heartwarming

but heartwarming all the same

felt like a beard after hours type film.

anyway here were my highs and my not-quite-low-but-not-great-either middles.

in no particular order of scenes:

highs!

- nate and jade. god i love them. so beautiful and kind. about time nate got the loving he deserves.

hes also hot as hell yummm

- love hounds LMFAO

its very sweet that disco and the other quirky man didnt make fun of the man-meeting. sad that nate misses so much of what he used to have

- locker room boys holding each other accountable

- colin really overcompensating his supposed straightness :(

- isaac and colin scene. quick. catches you off guard. disorienting for viewers and characters. real sad

- gay mug

- win streak

- beard being emotional with henry

- hey jude sing-along

- everyone was so soft-spoken this episode. and insightful. a really different style of writing

- barbara apparently being a party animal

- westham support

- beard and mae's little comradery

- jamie apology + hug

- im just glad jack's gone i could not stand their relationship. she's added to the list of characters i did not believe were necessary to the plot

feel free to discuss with me! i am never opposed to differing opinions

middles.

- trent's diamond dogs induction was too short. the scene felt rushed and lonely. everyone was so soft-spoken. especially roy. idk.

- roy is still so insecure, asking who the video was for. we saw the beginnings of that in season 1, what with him praising keeley on breaking up with jamie when his opinion was unnecessary. their breakup was mostly based on him not feeling good enough for keeley. idk. its just sad

- rebecca's scenes being too quick, all used to support characters in need. sure, we got a lot of vulnerability in episode 6, but the 180 from that to barely anything... not feeling it

- ted wanting to hire a private investigator? i know he's hung up on michelle and dr jacob but, man, what an uncharacteristic action

also discuss with me if you so please. i can explain myself

- interesting filming techniques. not as snappy and impersonal.

* i think my main grievance is the divergence from routine ted lasso style film. happy go lucky, dramatized character voices, + more to low voices, wisdom, close-ups. its a little too human for me. a little too raw. i tend to dislike episodes similar to this one, like no weddings and a funeral, though that was more tolerable (? hell of a word, it was more than tolerable but whatever)

i think right now i need an escape rather than reflection. so its really a me-thing rather than a poor-writing thing. or maybe its both.

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fictionfixations · 23 days

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what

...my. my notes...!???? i put ALL my notes in the summary so they don't crowd the main text area. i dont use the comment thing

(you have to go to google drive now and look at file information and scroll. gee thanks. i put it in summary because it was easy to look back to while i was writing instead of switching tabs. guess thats fucked now.)

..now im glad i write down my notes on discord first lmFao. so i can STILL avoid drive (i barely even use drive as it is..). with the exception of notes i wrote down there instead of on disc. at least its usually story-related notes that i write down as a part of the fic so it doesnt matter that much... haha.

(spoilers for jjk shibuya arc)

and that i decided to put my notes in the main writing area for once because. because! (idfk my reasoning)

anyway while im here take another wip excerpt!

continuation from my previous wip excerpt

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Book 1 and 6 spoilers, slight novel spoilers (havent read it myself but ive seen ppl talk about parts of it, which is where the embrace and umbilical cord comes from)

the lack of honorifics on trey after he used his UM (thats the right abbreviation right?) is what cater actually does to trey in book 1 (and is intentional. in the novel its mentioned that cater only uses yobisute with trey when he's being serious)

also this is a mix of canon dialogue and non-canon dialogue

also i cant remember what honorifics teachers use with their students. or what crowley uses. i know he uses last names, but idfk if he uses kun or, say, san. shrug. teachers in general use like kun and chan tho i think so.

-ryocho means like. dormitory leader, or dormitory director, i think. ive seen fan translations use it so im taking it.

--------

anyway thats a lot.

i dont know when cater ended up as one of my favorites (i wanted to write him to get used to writing his character cause he and idia were the ones who i admittedly struggled with the most. but now im here with this super long cater-centric fic.)

#twst spoilers #twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderalnd #twisted wonderland spoilers #fic #my fic #my writing #fic excerpt #writing excerpt #wip #writing wip #fic writing #cater diamond #tangents #rant #small rant #thoughts

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i-heart-hxh · 11 months

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hello! I'm a baby hunter x hunter fan, and I've just finished watching the greed island arc. I'm not surprised that I fell hard for killugon! the funny thing is that I decided to watch the 2011 anime despite knowing the repeated hiatus the series has gone through. im not a fan of unfinished series, but killugon hooked me in.

but the series is quite old, so I can't really avoid any spoilers while browsing for info about it. apparently, I read that killugon will undergo extreme hardship in the next arcs and that what's worse is they will separate in the end. this makes me cautious and kind put on the brakes in continuing watching, and I'm hesitant to continue the series. but I found your blog and your recent post about being hopeful that killugon calms me down greatly. so I will continue the series. but I'm not looking forward to the journey. my heart breaks for them, and I haven't even watched it yet.

and the whole alluka thing gives me mixed feelings too. like, tbh i know she/he is killua's sister but she/he is also the factor for their separation. so I'm not eager to learn about alluka but I know she is needed for killugon character and plot development.

anyway, just dropping by to thank you for giving me hope for killugon and that we will see them again. since I'm a new fan, idk where to rant my feelings about this series. killugon give me the FEELS so much 😭

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to message me, and welcome to the HxH fandom!

It makes me sad that you got spoiled (though I understand how hard that is to avoid if you look the series up at all), but I'm glad to hear my meta helped you decide to continue in spite of what you've heard!

FWIW, I think the arcs after where you are are well, well worth experiencing even with the outcome. The next arc was what truly sold me on HxH, taking it from a great, enjoyable series to my favorite piece of fiction. There are also a ton of amazing Gon and Killua moments in it (some of the most downright shippy moments, too, especially on Killua's side), even with all the eventual pain. Chimera Ant arc is long and can be slow in parts, but please stick with it to the end!

Please give Alluka a chance, too! She's a fascinating character and not as straightforward as you may think from just hearing little bits about her.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings when you finish the anime, and please try to enjoy your journey through it! Your first time watching HxH is a precious treasure. I wish I could go back and experience it all for the first time again!

#ask #my posts

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laurzvahll · 2 months

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for the rockstar phos au, what's the equivalent of the winter arc here? whats going to happen to antarc, and will it give phos ptsd and hallucinations like in canon?

HELLO ANON!! Thank u for the ask😆😆 answering from my phone rn because I didn’t want to wait.

This post might get long so im gonna cut it here

ALRIGHT, a little bit on Antarc and the winter arc. Just a warning that characters might be a little ooc im trying my best LOL. This isn’t 100% set in stone, and if people have better suggestions or ideas I will be very glad to hear them considering I just thought of this AU for funsies so the routes I made up may not be the best there are. If that makes sense.

So, initially I wanted Phos to be invited by Dia to a holiday party or maybe just a normal house party towards the beginning of December. All the college gems are celebrating being on winter break and whatnot. Phos goes because I don’t think Phos would reject a party invite, but also because it’s mentioned that there’s a possibility Cinnabar might be there. Spoiler alert, Cinnabar is in fact not at the party. But it’s okay because Phos takes this as an opportunity to get to know others more. They’re having quite a bit of fun, but once the other ‘gems’ start asking if they’re going to submit their college application and join them, Phos avoids the questions and decided to ask Dia if there’s a quiet room where they could take a quick break.

Dia leads Phos to the room and Phos closes the door behind them, only to realize there’s already someone else there too! And this is none other than Antarc, who im thinking of making some sort of exchange student to explain why they’re only around some months of the year. Phos sits down somewhere and wants to start a conversation but Antarc looks very busy (on their phone, totally busy). But Phos starts talking anyway after being bored for a couple seconds, and while Antarc is very hesitant at first, it’s not long before they both end up moving to a small couch in the room to continue their conversation. I’d like to think they talked for hours, Phos doing most of the talking ofc but Antarc seemed content with it. At some point, Dia comes back in surprise to see them still here and lets them know that the party is over. Phos says they better walk back to their apartment, and Antarc offers to walk them so Phos wouldnt have to walk home alone at like 3 in the morning. So they walk to Phos's apartment and Phos offers to exchange numbers. And thats pretty much how their first meeting goes! :3

I have a bunch of little scenarios thought out for the time they spent together but i dont want the post to get tooo long so just know that im thinking Phos's help towards Antarc's 'work' would be helping Antarc write a song maybe perhaps NOT TOO SURE YET but i do want this AU to revolve a lot around music :p

As for what happens to Antarc, (THIS MAY CHANGE) sorry guys but in my AU i am NOT letting Antarc die i cannnottt. But i Will let Phos believe Antarc is absolutely dead. The only reason im not letting them die completely is bc i want them to come back like at the end of canon where theyre turned into a lunarian. Im not entirely sure how im going to go about it, but theres going to be an incident where Phos and Antarc will get hurt, and Phos will only be able to watch unable to help Antarc at all just like in canon. Antarc is going to disappear, most likely to a hospital lawl, and the accident will make them have to go back home without Phos even knowing if they survived. For a reason i havent yet decided, Phos's texts cant reach Antarc either so that rly makes them believe Antarc issss x_x.

Phos's mental health plummets, their guilt is immense and they start not being able to sleep because when they do sleep their dreams are filled with that accident replaying over and over. They always believe to see Antarc out of the corner of their eye, and they do have full on hallucinations like in canon and their ptsd, i will not erase that important part of their character 🙏

Thats pretty much it for now sorry this is so long i rly didnt think it was gonna be this long LMAOOO. thank u sm for the ask im very happy to be able to talk about my AU xP

#hnk #houseki no kuni #hnk phos #hnk antarcticite #hnk spoilers #houseki no kuni spoilers #hnk au #land of the lustrous #rockstar phos au

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seriouslysam8 · 10 months

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Hey Sam, I love love love Brumous so far and I can’t wait to read more. I know things are going to get more dark and I hope this isn’t asking for any spoilers but how dark is everything going to get? I guess what I’m trying to ask you is if the death eaters will be sa the Hogwarts students? As someone who went through that at a very very young age I can’t read stories have those story lines for obvious reasons. I’m usually good at looking out for tags or warnings, but I thought I could handle it with one particular fic and let’s just say it was a downward spiral. It was my fault and not the writers in any way, I think I thought I was stronger and better and reality really slapped me in the face. I’m a lot better now but I’m trying to be more cautious of what I read or the fics I get invested in because sometimes as a reader you read things that make you uncomfortable because the writer is so good but then you realize that you can’t handle certain plots and it and it takes a toll on you. I would never blame the writer because they usually warn you, but sometimes we think we’re stronger than we actual are. There was one of your fics I had to avoid reading because of the warnings, and I hope this doesn’t come across as rude but I’m afraid to get invested and things becoming really dark in terms of sa with minors. This probably seems like a stupid ask and I’m sorry if it comes across as rude or anything and im probably not explaining myself well, but I hope I was able to ask the question without sounding rude or like an idiot. I really admire your work and I hope you keep gifting us with your amazing writing.

Don’t worry at all, okay? I got you. You’re not the only one who has asked, and I don’t mind at all. I don’t want someone to ever be upset by something I wrote because they were blindsided or tried to push through. I am not offended or upset at all, all right? I would much rather be frank about what will happen in my stories to make people feel comfortable and confident when they read. It’s not at all rude to say you avoided one of my stories. I am just glad I tagged it appropriately for you and I can guess which one you’re talking about.

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I have no interest in writing those kind of scenes with minors. It’s hard for me to read those kind of scenes and most times I will just skip those scenes when I read stories with it. So I totally understand your concern and your desire to avoid it.

I try to tag appropriately and even give a heads up in special author’s notes before the chapter begins. I remember Bell and I deciding how to write the warning for Harry’s throat slicing moment without giving away what happens but also warn people enough to know it’s gruesome and have an idea of what was going to happen.

Now, that being said, it will be dark akin to Backstabber and Bête Noire. There will be death and torture. I’ll do my best to warn people at the beginning of the chapter if there’s something particularly gruesome. If you decide to read and get to one of those chapters where it sounds like it may be too much for you to read, you can always private message me on here and I’d be more than glad to give a summary of the chapter or tell you exactly what POV to avoid or what have you.

I hope that helps!

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jimblejamblewritings · 4 months

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IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE DOING THE TWLIGHT REWRITE I LITERALLY JUST REREAD BOTH OF THE TWLIGHTS FICS 😭😭

☺️ Yay, I’m glad you like the other two enough to reread.

Honestly a rewrite has always weighed on my mind. This might be the last really long Twilight series unless I get a request that just ends up being a journey. But I wanted to fix so much of what I (and probably everyone else) thinks is wrong with Twilight. So canon is out the window lol. Also I’m changing Bella to Y/N cause people voted but this is still a rewrite so no Bella cause you are them.

Spoiler Alert but here are my ideas (I’m saying Bella for now instead of y/n):

- Edward isn’t so much of a dick in the Twilight book

- Not every boy is in love with Bella, they are actually just friends

- Jacob is actually a real friend and not a plot device. And Bells already knows some of the other Quileute boys she’s just not close with them yet.

- Bella doesn’t just go dress shopping with Jess and Ange to go to the bookstore, she actually wants to support them getting good dresses

- Bella is actually terrified when she realizes Edward is a vampire and gets more freaked out when he says he likes her. At first she’s only dating him because she wants to stay alive but then she starts to fall in love with him

- Rosalie is cool with Bella because Bella doesn’t want to become a vampire. Edward and the others expect her too so Rosalie is a big Bella defender because she wants to keep her human

- No weird interaction between Jacob and Edward at the prom. Jake helps Bella cause that’s his friend, Edward swoops in to finish cause he’s the boyfriend but they aren’t already heated with each other when Jake is still human

Onto New Moon

- It’s not a paper cut that sends Jasper into a frenzy but some bigger blood

- She gets lost in the woods until Sam finds her but she’s not just on the forest floor laying there

- No hallucination Edward!

- Jake visits her during her Great Depression Era and he actually brings her Forks friends and some of the future wolf pack

- when Bella is working on getting out of her depression, they’re all supportive. She gets the motorcycles as a thank you gift for Jake and also because she wants to learn as a distraction

- Jake’s mom dies and that’s what turns him. Laurent and Victoria in the area turns Embry and Seth. While Leah turns from Harry’s death

- wolves don’t cut their hair. It’s not as big a deal in Quileute history from what I researched but the still have long hair and sometimes view it spiritually. I would imagine being literal spirit warriors that are wolves would be one of those occasions so no hair cuts unless in mourning and when the cut their hair the wolf looks sickly cause fur is gone.

- when Bella finally confronts Jake there will be angst/comfort

- she puts two and two together and goes to Emily’s house to bring up the werewolf instead of the altercation with Paul cause why are we slapping people that haven’t actually done or said anything to you?

- imprinting doesn’t happen right away for wolves but usually when their imprint is in danger

- Actually showing that imprinting isn’t just romantic because wtf Stephenie Meyer? Sure the Sam Leah Emily pain fest will still happen but Quil has a girlfriend he very much plans on marrying so Claire being his imprint is very big brother. And one of the others might imprint on a Cullen to also show it isn’t romantic, not sure

- Bella and Jake fall in love. Jake imprints when she says she has to go to Italy. He doesn’t tell her and lets her go

- Volturi thing happens

- Bella is in shambles because she has to become a vampire but doesn’t want to and loves Jacob

- Edward proposes

Eclipse time!

- Bella has been avoiding Jake and he gives his imprint space until he finally has to show up to Forks high school cause of the Victoria Emmett and the wolves scene that happens

- Bella finally tells Jake what’s going on

- this is where Bella is kind of morally grey cause she does have a relationship with Jacob that’s behind everyone’s back at first

- Rosalie is still a Bella defender and basically knocks the sense into Edward and the rest of the family

- The newborn army means the Volturi do show up and because Bella is still human they install a deadline to when they will return which means she has to become a vampire

- They get to keep Bree instead of the baby dying!

- Bella’s Great Depression #2

- It’s understood that she and Edward have to put on a whole act that they are together so when Aro sees his thoughts/memories or other people’s thoughts/memories he only sees a happy couple. Bella gets to actually be with Jake since her thoughts are safe.

- Vampires can definitely have kids it’s just really rare because the body can be so incompatible. I’m thinking that maybe it’s hard for a woman’s body to accommodate the fetus since they are literal diamonds and don’t really grow or move so there is no room. And for men, the venom that mixes with their other fluids changes the properties of them. So sperm is basically destroyed by venom and isn’t potent at all (idk I think this makes more sense than it being venom because shouldn’t Bella have turned if it was pure venom?)

-Rosalie and Emmett have been trying but to no luck sometimes on Rosalie’s end and sometimes on Emmett’s end

Welcome to Breaking Dawn!

- A fake wedding and a real honeymoon

- The Vampire Baby will definitely kill Bella if taken out early and only might kill Bella if delivered. Done. No pro-life vs pro-choice debate.

- Rosalie kinda turns on Jake cause she’s always wanted a baby and now Bella has one and she needs to stay a part of the family

- of course Jake’s absolutely pissed thoughts alert the pack

- I’m gonna keep the rest a surprise

BUT feel free to leave suggestions or ideas you want to see and who you want to be Endgame!

I’m slowly going to answer the asks sitting in my inbox. Sorry I got so behind on that y’all.

#my asks

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powerpolyculeshowdown · 11 months

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ohhhhhhhhh my gosh Tears of the Kingdom!!!! I have been wanting to play that game SO badly. haven't had the money to buy a copy yet though. soon, I hope! but I love the Zelda series and I have also seen some absolutely WILD things from that game cross my dash (though I have been trying to avoid spoilers so I totally understand and appreciate you not wanting to spoil things) and I want it SO BADLY. I'm glad you've been enjoying it and that the callback made you so happy! :D -shark anon

i usually wouldnt have the money for this either especially cause after converting currencies the prices are rlly insane in brazil but i was lucky to be able to get it!!! its been very fun so far and just like w botw im completely ignoring the main plot cause i got places to be

weirdly tho, even tho i love it as much as i did botw, im not binge playing totk? ive been getting tired easily lately and i think most of my brain is busy drowning in tma thoughts so its hard to focus on anything else for too long hdjsgsj

the brainrot strikes again

#im working on like 3 fanfics which means im thinking a lot about 3 ideas and writing none cause i overwhelm myself w ideas #Thats not completely tru sometimes i write 1 of them #polyasks #not poll related

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icripod · 2 years

Text

MLB SEASON 5 BIBLE SPOILERS/LEAKS!!

dont read if u don’t want to be spoiled!! im letting everything out after the cut!

okay so. curiosity got the best of me and i decided to read the bible. it was really easy to get my hands on so for those who want to avoid it, be extra cautious.

but boy am i glad that i read it now instead of having everything be a surprise at the end because i know i would have been disappointed. to start off, the most important and interesting aspects of the show such as chat blanc, the sentimonster theory, and the emilie/agreste backstory were not mentioned at all. the bible was a little vague, but not so much as to completely gloss over these parts!! makes me think they’re not going to touch on any of it at all.

the big deal about the agreste backstory and agreste “kitchen” were literally no where to be found, too. i know bibles are just outlines of what’s to come, but the bibles for the previous seasons included basically everything that had happened! i guess im a little hopeful, this means not EVERYTHING has been spoiled for season 5. either that or…they’re just dropping the idea entirely.

also can we talk about adrien never finding out his father is hawkmoth???? that’s INSANE. like absolutely disappointing and terrible writing. i hate to be harsh but honestly, who pitched this idea?? and who AGREED?? 99% of the fanfic i (and probably the rest of the fandom) consume is adrien finding out about hawkmoth being his father, and the emotional turmoil that comes after. AND maribug being by his side for it all!! the show is really pushing the idea of “you and me against the world” in the 5th and, what feels like, the final season. but how do they think they can execute this idea if maribug is going to keep such a big secret from him?? and yes— if your reading this out of context, mari will know gabriels identity and never tell adrien (adrien was not at the scene when it happened.)

and it seems the writers are taking the adrienette route in the romance department, but i was really hoping ladynoir would get together first :( they’ve definitely been through more together as superheroes, and i feel like it would really tie the idea of them against the world. & chat noir constantly saying he’d wait as long as it takes for ladybug to love him back, but then moving on to marinette, just makes his love for her cheesy and empty. that’s just me though, maybe im too much of a ladynoir lover. i feel like adrienette doesn’t really have much to offer. it’s too boring, if im being blunt.

another thing. im not a fan of zoe wielding the cat miraculous. alya with the ladybug miraculous— yes, i understand. zoe with the cat?? to give a secondary character who just joined the show in the fourth season the most powerful miraculous really waters down its importance to me. to wield a miraculous, it was established that u had to prove yourself, that u had to earn it (as alya had proven.) unless zoe does something insane before the mid season episode, i don’t like the idea very much.

i don’t want to rant too much about this because i have a lot to talk about. but I will say that im a little bit disappointed. the only thing that shocked me was marinette combining the cat and ladybug miraculous, and adrien never finding out his father is hawkmoth :( everything else, even the cliffhanger and all the lila drama, i didn’t really care for. in hindsight it all sounds pretty solid but i already KNOW the execution is going to be bad so for that, im bummed.

#miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #chat blanc #mlb #ml season 5 #ml bible leak #ml bible spoilers #sorry for the rant

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icharchivist · 6 months

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HOLY SHIT ICHA

I just watched DnD Honor Among Thieves

It's sooo good, you're right

I love these stupid idiots and I'm happy for them

It's such a refreshing movie, because they avoided so many tired tropes

Thank you for posting about it, you made me want to check it out

I know nothing about DnD, but I have played a bit of Baldur's Gate this year and was happy about recognizing some spells and names, but mostly it's just a really solid fantasy heist movie tbh

OMG ANON!! IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR IT!!!!!

it's so so fucking good i love those characters so much. By the end of the movie i was both crying and also couldn't stop smiling, because of just, how glad i was to have seen this story

it's not like it's ~groundbreaking~ or ~the greatest movie~ ever made, but it doesn't have to be. It's a refreshing movie that is avoiding so many tired tropes in order instead to explore more heartfelt stuff. Like. It's a really earnest film?? It's dripping with love and care and attention.

and i still can't get over the friendship between Edgin and Holga like :sob: best brotp ever

i'm so glad you decided to check it out and ended up having so much fun!!!!

and yeah right? i knew quite a bit about dnd before going in so there were a lot of things that were delightful (if only for the mechanisms too like. the whole bridge scene and how Simon fucks it up and Xenk has this moment of like. "Ok new plan so actually you have a magical artefact--". Even with very little knowledge of dnd it screams "player accidentally fuck up the next puzzle the DM had planned so now they have to improvise to not finish the campaign on something so stupid", i find that delightful), but even without the references it is a very solid movie that still explains to you what you need to know, and let you fill the gaps on your own, and it's just about telling a fun heist story instead, with a heartful theme with the found family angle and the theme of "it's fine to keep on failing, because as long as we /keep/ doing it it means we never stop trying". Are those simple themes? yes. do we actually have a lot of that in mainstream media? Not that much!! It was so good....

[SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE FILM] Like i think i'm just constantly emotionally ruined by "Edgin wanted to bring his daughter's mother back to life, but in reality, what he wanted was his wife back. But in the end he made his choice and let go of his wife to bring his daughter's actual mother back" (with the distinction of "the mother his daughter never knew" and "the woman who raised her like a mother"). i'm a simple person okay. The theme was strong. I cry.

i'm so so glad you enjoyed it <33333 it makes me very happy that my gushing made you want to try it out because god, what a gem it was.

so so happy to hear you had fun <3333

#ichareply #anonymous #god i wanna rewatch it now #it's just SO FUN and i love the WHOLE CAST they bring me so much joy #so so glad you tried it out and enjoyed it <3333 #god now i feel like if the movie had waited until after BG3's release more people would have come to see it #it flopped at the box office and it breaks my heart #not helped that it was released around the same time as other major blockbusters #so ofc it suffered from that #*waves fist to the sky* this movie deserved better!!!!!!#there was so much pratical effects that it makes me tear up!! what a good movie!!!! on every angle!!!! god.

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give-soup-please · 8 months

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hi! I was wondering if you had any writing advice? Im currently collecting it to find something that works for me and im just wondering about other peoples processes when it comes to plotting out a story.

(i'm not sure, but this may be the first time someone on anon has asked me for writing advice. i feel like this is a milestone dslfkjdslkf)

so! i am very much a 'write by the seat of your pants' style kind of guy. i don't do big outlines, i don't do summaries to keep track. but, there are a few things i do which help me stay focused. and there are a few things i do to help the creative process in general.

and this got long, so it's going under a cut lol

first things first, when i get to the end of a writing session (which for me lasts between 30 minutes to 3 hours, depending on how much the hyperfixation has a choke hold) i make sure i know where i'm headed next, by putting the next plot point into a bracket. i'm never very specific until the words for the first draft are actually typed out, but just the next broad idea that i want to bounce off of. here are a few from my older GO fic, 'bookstores, bentleys, and everything between'

this is what an average thing looks like, though i have been known to get very shitposty with them as well. the shitposting type happens when i have been writing for far too long, and am in desperate need of a break.

if no one else is going to see these, then have fun with them.

here's another, longer version with details.

i'm glad i do stuff like this when i reach a stopping point, because i've lost so many good ideas over the years assuming i'd remember where i was going when i get back to the doc. and i never do.

the other main bit of advice i have for story construction might be a bit controversial. i call it, 'chase the fun'.

very simple. very complex. it's both. it's a thing.

basically! i don't write in chronological order if there's something exciting too far away. i despise moments where i think to myself, 'oh, there's going to be a kickass moment in chapter 12 where there's going to be this cool action scene, but i'm only two chapters in. i guess i'll have to write all that other stuff before i get to the cool scene :('

don't do that shit! it'll eat at you, and you'll find yourself losing enthusiasm and getting frustrated with your project. i dislike writing in chronological order of a story because it's extremely limited. so!

chase the fun!

write the cool scenes, the action scenes, the self indulgent stuff. get it out of your system, and then after you've written the stuff that surrounds it, stitch it all together during the editing process. not only does it feel great to write all the cool things, you can often get inspired with new ways of going, 'how do we get here'? when you head back in. and you can add ass kicking foreshadowing and all that groovy stuff people like. stitching together everything and making the timeline correct during the editing process is mildly irritating, but i'd rather do that than plod along, desperately wanting to get to the coolest parts. go with the flow, let the inspiration take you where it takes you. don't hold off on it because you want to write everything in order the first time around.

'writing by the seat of your pants' also allows for 'idea stacking', which can be an important part of the process for more complex works. take, for example, my latest GO fic. i'll be brief and avoid spoilers, but i think it gives you a pretty good idea of how i plot my stuff out.

concept: i would like crowley and aziraphale to be my godfathers, so i can have some found family/comfort vibes. but we need a few roadblocks in the way, so it can be on the slower side, and not rushed. what can i do with my character that will add difficulties to their relationships?

idea stack 1: maybe he had a godfather before they came along, but he's missing.

sub idea 1: that would be a great source of angst for my character, actually. imagine not being able to find someone you love. loads of grief, there, and uncertainty.

idea stack 2: well, if my godfather is going to be a counterpart to aziraphale and crowley, maybe he should have powers too!

sub idea 2: my IRL godfather who i am referencing in the story practices magic. let's throw that in there, but make him much more powerful.

idea stack 3: how would aziraphale and crowley know that my fictional godfather can do powerful magic? well- maybe he left something that jay has. a necklace, perhaps. and it's very enchanted.

sub idea 3: of course, now we have to work out how my godfather knew how to enchant necklaces, and why he has special powers. and if he has special powers, where the heck is he now?

idea stack 4: so! new plot thread unlocked. my character's godfather has vanished without a trace, leaving behind a powerfully enchanted necklace. aziraphale and crowley are trying to work out whether or not they should be concerned about this, and what heaven or hell is doing interfering with this character's life to such a major extent. mystery abounds!

sub idea 4: so, is my fictional godfather of heaven or hell? he must be high ranking if he can enchant a necklace to such a crazy extent. i'll do research into angelic and demonic hierarchy, and make a few decisions on where everyone is placed.

idea stack 5: (REDACTED BECAUSE OF SPOILERS)

and so on. this is one grouping of ideas that spitballed because i thought about the implications of the previous idea. if you do this a few times in the right places, you've got yourself a nuanced and complex story. keep in mind, all this above developed over the course of a few weeks, and wasn't all immediate. still fun though. ideas shouldn't be isolated, i think they should connect to other story elements.

hope this helps!

#personal #answered ask #writing advice #long post

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