#im not sure ive managed a whole season i 1 go other than that time?
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Okay So i had a brain blast about my ship with alastor so this is gonna be the Definite Kewpie x Alastor Ship Post that covers everything i have so far about it ↷↷↷
so this whole thing starts because somehow someway i get a demon attached to me as a kid, a toddler even, dont really know how or why, but because of this my whole life growing up is plagued by insane near death experiences all orchestrated by this demon (this is based on some real shit in my life btw, not to sound superstitious or anything and i dont even think i believe in demons of any denomination but there was some Weird Shit going on, i might talk about it someday) and by the time im an adult ive tired everything under the sun to stop these things from happening- different religious practices, spells and charms and rituals and so on and so forth im at my god damn limit im so tired
eventually im pushed to try to fight fire with fire, and end up summoning Another demon to try and idk cancel out the old one? make a deal to keep me safe? not sure What my plan was but i'd come this far and i didnt know where else to turn
well the demon i summoned was alastor. he wasnt even my intended target, in fact of demon of his power shouldnt really be able to be summoned at all under normal circumstances, and would require someone with a ton of power of their own to pull it off (havent decided if this is something i managed to do because of all the varied rituals etc mentioned earlier, or some dumb luck) and that alone is kind of intriguing for him
tbh he hasnt been summoned in a While, its something that got lost to time and he kinda assumed it would never happen again, and even when it happened before he would usually just kill the person without bothering to strike a deal, cause even people who did manage to do it usually werent strong enough to do it safely
but hell has been kinda Boring lately, the hotel hasnt given him as much entertainment as he had hoped (this is like. mid season 1, and with the understanding that the story stretches way longer than the breakneck speed the actual show takes) and he sees this as an opportunity for something interesting to do for a while
when he hears what im looking for, he's gotta laugh about it- there's no way this other demon that had attached to me would give him any trouble, and this was a great way to guarantee he get another soul when i eventually died anyway, so he offers up this deal:
for a few hours a day he gets complete control over my body, a full on possession to do whatever he wants with that time.
obviously im hesitant, but we go back and forth on it a bit before deciding to make the deal with some ground rules (like he cant do anything thats gonna get me killed prematurely for example- after all im doing this specifically so i dont die by another demon's hand)
so we strike the deal! no all he has to do is get rid of that other demon and my soul is as good as his! its not that simple tho of course- he's not sure how the demon is accessing the living world, and figures its likely similar to what he's doing- somehow tethering himself to the living world, while their actual physical body is still in hell, so he needs to figure that out on his end, and it ends up being a more difficult task than previously expected- so he could be dealing with something older and more powerful than he realizes.
he'll figure that out later tho, he's got living stuff to do! at first he's v dismissive when i ask him what he could possibly want to be doing with my body, like what was he even planning to get up to, but he cant keep me completely in the dark about it cause im still sorta There when im possessed- its a bit like lucid dreaming where you're aware that you're dreaming, but not quite aware enough to control what you're Doing in the dream, and over time i become more and more present the longer he's possessing me
so eventually he admits that he's curious about what happened after he died- he was a bit of a celebrity when he was alive after all, he's sure it would cause Quite a stir when it was revealed after he died that he was a criminal- a moonshiner for one, but a serial killer and cannibal! he wants to know if there was a media circus, where he was buried, wants to visit his old stomping grounds, and so on and so forth.
this leads me on all kinds of adventures through the deep south, the dusty aisles of libraries and newpaper archives, old graveyards, and so on, all the while we keep getting more comfortable and close despite ourselves
and eventually i realize that he isnt actually interested in what happened to himself after his death, he's actually using all this to try and find out what happened to his mother. she was Not a local celebrity, and his infamy was so large that it eclipsed most of the people he knew in life, so tracking it all down was kind of a hassle. but he was and is a mama's boy, and he wanted to know if she lived a good life
now all of this eventually winds down to figuring out why there was that first demon attached to me, probably some fucked up nonsense a little while back in my family tree or something (tbh im not sure how much i want to focus on the how and why but we'll see) and we get that settled finally as well as finding out how alastor's mom's life played out and put him at east there, and all that's left is to simply live my life until i die, where i'll go to hell and alastor will have my soul to keep (we're v cozy at this point and quite comfortable cohabiting a body and mind space so he's not particularly eager to completely break the tether until my time comes)
and the thing about sharing a mindspace with something extremely dangerous and powerful that has just enough sway over the world around you to keep you safe in a bad situation, or even fully take over your body to get you out of it, is that you feel v confidant most of the time and fear isnt really something you deal with anymore, so i frequently go wandering around the woods at night for example because im sure nothing can really touch me when i have a demon for a companion
a demon in your head cant protect you from a bullet however, and maybe i should have known better than wandering the woods at night during deer season, and maybe the unholy aura i had around me hit the moonlight just wrong and the hunter thought he was aiming for the silhouette of a creature with antlers, and then i was dead
and then i wake up in hell
if this was a fic, at this point it would be like the 'part 2' (and who knows if i iron it out enough maybe i Will write it sometime) and im not sure exactly what i want to do about it just yet
obviously it would loosely follow the canon of the show, just with a lot of extra stuff thrown in. maybe in 'part 1', we didnt actually Kill the other demon, just broke away from it, and its still in hell somewhere, fuming about losing my soul, or maybe finding out about his mom actually did Not put alastor at ease- maybe his actions made her life very difficult and now he has to deal with knowing that and i can use that as a catalyst to him getting redeemed to see her again in heaven, not sure yet!
but i do know a big part of the interpersonal situation is that we dont share that mindspace anymore, we're just physically There Together and tbqh its really difficult to cope with. we both got so used to it that we feel like something's missing now, and we might even go so far as to try to find a way to reestablish that mental link, or maybe there's still echoes of it lingering, but only if we're asleep or something like that
like i said, still ironing out the hell part of it all, but thats what ive got! much to think about much to think about
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Ice Time Gets No Buckets
(Elliot is in the shirt and pants, Aaliyah is in the Dress)
EGCP44
Liked by aaliyahedwards_24, uconwhoc and 7,764 others
Peace Out High School
Hello UCONN (GO HUSKIES)
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Grad was tiring to say the least but hey im going to UConn, Aaliyah's going to UConn. Anyways I'm Elliot and i know what your thinking that's a boys name. Well your right but Sasha is a girls name and ive met so many male Sasha's. Full Name is Elliot Griffith Campbell-Pascall. Daughter of Famous Cassie Campbell-Pascall. My parents had me in 2001 so 4 years before they got married and 9 years later had my baby sister Brooke. Growing Up I played Hockey (with both my parents playing professionally I had no choice) Lacrosse and Football (soccer). I decided to Commit to UConn for Hockey because i wasn't getting any other full rides and because Aaliyah committed.
Aaliyah and I met in Highschool. I had failed grade 1 because i had undiagnosed autism and ADHD so it made it hard to learn. I was always fidgeting, I threw tantrums when we had supply teachers and everyone thought I was weird so they kept bugging me until I broke a kids nose (That was a fun trip to the office). But soon after that incident i was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism and now I get a special TA to help me with all my work and extra time on tests and assignments. We met in first period which was math and lets say i was STRUGGLING but Aaliyah noticed this and helped me out. Now almost 4 years later we are inseparable sure we both dated each other then cheated on each other but thats how we found out we are better off as friends.
I Played Hockey for the Mississauga Senators AAA (Hockey) up until i hit the U18 boys team because i was too good to play with the other girls. I am also 6”4 so a lot taller than all the other girls too (Best defencewomen in the league). Played for the Mississauga Badgers (Lacrosse) U17 rep team until I turned 17. Finally played for Dixie Rep U18 girls team as a Keeper. It was A lot balancing 3 sports, especially lacrosse and Football because their seasons are the same, but me and my parents managed with the help of Wick (Hayley Wickenheiser) who became my professional baby sitter. (i said my first swear word at aged 2 and quoted “The Americans Had Our Flag On The Floor Of Their Dressing Room And Now I Want To Know If They Want Us To Sign It.” everyday for a whole year)
That's it for now thanks for reading
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good evening my beloved chatters. its time for another episode of orifu v doccy who. this time we're tackling those first two episodes of season 1
yes, i missed wild blue yonder, the giggle and the church on ruby road. maybe ill get back to them.
anyway. to address what i said last time about the new tardis interior, i was entirely wrong. the new interior only sucks when its in apple store mode. they put in the colour and it can look gorgeous, even if its a single colour. love seeing it change.
now, in a moment for the show that i will only call "unique" the first two episodes were dropped at midnight today. im not gonna point fingers at who did what here nor am i going to speculate about disney or whatever. this is about the content of the episodes, not the whatever else. personally im ok staying up til 2am for the stuff.
space babies. that sure was an episode. i think the plot was a very interesting concept, even if its execution felt a little lackluster. the babies themselves looked fine but sounded mostly... off... but that's not really a problem.
i recognise im a mega genius but it feels like the whole thing with the bogeyman was just trying to delay the reveal of it all being mucus. it was pretty obvious pretty early on. i do like the idea of the rogue machine trying to raise the babies through bringing stories to life.
overall i think the episode was really solid. not the best but what you'd expect from doctor who. the visuals were a whole other story though -- you can really tell where the budget is going. i think this episode to me is like a 7/10. its for sure the prelude to something greater.
the devil's chord. jinkx's character is so good. i just love the camp and the whole attitude and it just works so well idk. the way she plays maestro is incredible and i love their whole character. they really carry the episode.
i dont know anything about the beatles so i cant speak to that aspect of the episode. the plot is interesting, leaning more into the fantasy aspect that neo who seeks to explore. maestro being part of the toymaker's legions is a great explanation for their presence. and, of course, more rtd foreshadowing.
i know this is gonna be controversial but being meta with the music is a really cool idea i think. the doctor who theme being played in universe like 3 times or something, ruby playing her own theme (i think) and the doctor breaking the fourth wall (the incidental music!) were executed well imo.
it's a bit of a weird contradiction how maestro destroying earth before ruby was born not affecting her while the butterfly did (is that what that tardis setting thing did?) but whatev. the whole music video at the end of the episode was unexpected but honestly just really cool. i did appreciate maestro's singing too and i feel it worked better than the doctor singing in the church on ruby road.
honestly i love how wlw is like mentioned twice in the episode but just as a normal thing. somehow to me that makes maestro mentioning the sad lesbian music just funnier that itd otherwise be. i think rep that doesnt go "wow look at me" works best as it does here. and yes, as a girl in red head, i do love lesbian heartbreak music.
even if this episode's plot was really simple in concept it doesnt feel dragged out like space babies and is overall a lot more entertaining. and, of course, more building up of whatever russell's cooking up. i think this episode is like an 8/10 for me. excited for more!
conclusion? ig? next week is moffat's episode boom. ive heard this is doctor lite (but im not sure) and apparently the whole episode is about the doctor stepping on a mine and not being able to move. i would be entirely unexcited if it werent moffat writing this episode.
doctor who clearly has a lot of threads at play between mrs flood, the whole toymaker stuff, the 14th doctor, the one who waits, the master, etc, etc, etc. i hope we manage to get a satisfying ending instead of a classic rtd deus ex machina.
i presumably have a lot more thoughts i have already forgotten or havent thunk yet. if you want to know more of my opinions, watch harbo wholmes' eventual review. we tend to agree a lot. until next week, i guess that's it. how do i end one of these posts again
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TV Show Ask Game - 3, 12, 42
Ty!
3. have you ever quit a show before it finished? why?
Yea! But not that frequently... Like I've seen EVERY ep of glee, spn, bones, castle, tvd/originals, house, true blood, pll, empire, got, suits, nashville, the marvel netflix-verse... I'm not great at quitting shows, especially once I've invested a fair chunk of time in them (so I can be a bit fussy about what I start watching as a result).
I quit watching American gods after the second season cos that season was rubbish, and what behind the scenes stuff I heard about it didnt help its case.
I only ever got a few eps into once upon a time and I found it eye rollingly annoying and just couldn't push through to watch more. Ditto the it crowd...
I've only ever seen the very first ep of American horror story and it was RUBBISH!!!!! everyone said it got better after the pilot but ???!!!??? That was so shit, I couldn't in good conscience put myself through more. (also I'm not a huge horror fan/don't enjoy being scared, & Ryan Murphy has wronged me many a time.)
I had to stop watching chuck! I don't actually remember how far I got but I had a friend who kept telling me I'd like it and I kept trying to push through but I found elements of it v unpleasant, and the retconning annoying, and Sarah and chuck's relationship charmless, and Yvonne's American accent distractingly bad.
I've never seen the final season of roswell/High nor the penultimate season's finale I think, cos the BBC just didn't show it 😂 that one wasn't my fault ha but I think pre downloading era it was harder to commit to shows properly but also we had a much more limited selection! So there are shows like charmed or nip/tuck or desperate housewives or frasier or the l word which I was watching on real teevee as they aired & sorta accidentally quit but also don't have a huge desire to properly watch?
I quit girls pretty early on, largely bc I found the characters en masse SO unlikeable, BUT same friend who tried to convince me to keep watching chuck, convinced me to watch all of girls aaaages later & I do think she was right that it's an easier watch when you're not so close in age to the characters/can just go 'wow yea I hate young ppl' the whole time, BUT I found the tone of it overall & especially the ending SO bleak 🤯
I tried so hard to push through to keep watching 2 broke girls for kat but the laugh track and the lazy set up->offensive joke pipeline broke me
I stopped watching grey's pretty early on. It was already kind of annoying me and then... I feel like christina ricci had a bomb in her butt or something...? Did that happen...? And I was just like nope, this is TOO dumb and melodramatic, I've hit my quota, I can handle no more!!!!
I quit homeland pretty early too, although not as early as I would've liked. The cliffhangery ep endings kept hooking me, but also that in itself pissed me off!!! I don't like it when shows use that to keep you watching.... How about make your long eps actually engaging rather than rely on the last 2 mins to trick me into watching another?! I get VERY burnt out by loads of twists & turns 💤
12. have you ever watched a show just for a specific actor? did you enjoy it?
i watched the pilot ep of animal practice bc i thought i was the kind of person who would watch justin kirk in A N Y T H I N G....................turns out i was wrong!
42. what’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever watched a show in one sitting?
Ooh! so i remember when s4 of arrested development came out, me and a friend were really excited (still not sure why, cos neither of us liked s3 that much, or maybe that WAS why) and we made a plan to watch the whole season together the day it came out. i thiiiiink we did make it the whole way through? although by abt 2/3 of the way we’d achieved extreme grumpiness lol
the tv set
#tv#ty this 1st q has made me feel like less of a failure lol#i can quit shows!!!!#i think the trick is u gotta do it early doors tho#otherwise they hook u!#altho i think the procedurals are tricksy...im not a huuuge fan of them generally but u think u can rely on them to not get too weird#and then in s7 or sthing they go batshit but it's too late you're hooked pff.#i feel like there's probs more i managed to quit... o well an1mal practice lol#did that even get picked up?!#i think im still pro watching sthing just to the cast...probs need multiple actors i like#and maybe a non stupid premise?#im very into binging as a concept#im not sure ive managed a whole season i 1 go other than that time?#i miiiightve done a season of b0jack once in a day starting at a dawn and taking a lot of breaks#which maybe doesnt count as a single sitting hmm#my back gets sore lol#*for the cast#*in
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Hi hello yes I actually found your blog while I was looking for Ronon Dex whump, something there is not nearly enough of, and I just wanted to say that should you ever want to share your thoughts about him, whump-related or otherwise, I'm around to hear them,,, I care him very much (which is why I like to see him hurt... funny how that works).
OHOHOHOHOHO DID SOMEONE SAY THE MAGIC WORDS “RONON WHUMP”????? And yes there is not NEARLY enough Ronon whump!!! Buckle up I don’t think you know what you’ve unleashed by offering to let me talk about this XD i have 43 (i counted thats not an exaggeration) unfinished fics where i whump this man so i have A Lot of Thoughts on this so i’ll try to keep my headcanons and general thoughts from getting mixed up so here we go (also I haven’t actually seen past season 3ish but I know like everything)
Just general thoughts
I just love the team dynamic in general the actors had great chemistry with each other
They don’t whump Ronon enough and that is A Crime.
But when they do whump him OH BOY ITS GOOD
Just off the top of my head I can think of the episode where John and Elizabeth were possessed by those people who wanted to kill each other and ronon got SHOT that was dope especially when it showed the surgery but I was so mad there was no aftercare
Also just the fact that after Ronon was shot the guy possessing John said (about John) something like “if only you could hear him right now he is screaming so loud” or something to that effect and I’m not really a John whumper but oh boy the thought of John fighting as hard as he could to try and get control back because he wants to help Ronon rlly adds to the experience
After atlantis flies and John is going around checking the damage and he finds Ronon with the shard of glass in his shoulder juts the way he kneels down next to him is so soft and his voice goes soft too its great
I haven’t gotten there yet but ohoho the enzyme episode where Ronon gets drugged and then has to go through withdrawal ohooho I may have watched that scene a few hundred times
I just love also how fiercely loyal Ronon is and how much he trusts them
That ep where those villagers were going to give them to the wraith and Ronon literally would rather die than let his friends be taken to the wraith I love how John and Teyla go through like 45 heart attacks that’s one of the ones I haven’t gotten to yet but ive seen gifs and oh boy oh boy does it look good
The way I generally describe Ronon is he’s like a bug fluffy dog. Like he’s kind of silly sometimes and he’s very loyal and will kill without hesitation if it means keeping his friends safe
Also just that whole scene when Ronon arrives when John is asking Elizabeth if he can stay is just like a kid asking his mom if he can keep a dog he found
And Ronon has such a sweet smile also I love it when hes happy (but also I love it when hes in pain)
Stargate Atlantis was very well directed because for most definitions of “good acting” you can see “oh this character is sad. Now they are happy” which I do understand that many people prefer this because they have difficulty interpreting facial expressions but I absolutely adore how subtly expressive the actors are because to me it’s fascinating to decode what the character is feeling. They act like real people and talk in the way real people would and it seems super natural and not scripted, and you can just tell in their interactions that the characters care for each other a lot and its beautiful
Now that I’ve said something vaguely scholarly-like its time to move on to the mess of headcanons
Headcanons
So when rewatching season 2 with my sister I realized the amazing potential for angst involving Kell (his old commander who he killed) so in my mind even though he’s very loyal to John at first it was more of a “you saved my life now I’ll watch your back because I owe you” and he had difficulty trusting any of them but especially John this changes over time ofc but he can’t help being wary of command
I also hc that Kell would punish the soldiers in his division for being “unfit” for battle so like if they broke a leg or something they would be punished (this is mostly just for my guilty pleasure of ANGST) so that way they would “be more aware” of their surroundings and whatnot
Also disobey direct orders was a big no no and you know how laid back John usually is with orders so the first time Teyla disobeyed a direct order after Ronon joined the team John was grumbling about it in a way Teyla knew wasn’t serious but Ronon just kind of panicked and started lying his ass off and saying he threatened her into doing it and he should take the punishment which led to an awkward conversation (awkward for Ronon, it left his teammates ready for some murdering)
He hides injuries because he was alone for so long and never had anyone to take care of him so he just forgets that he has to mention it and in his mind some injuries might not be that bad
Beckett is constantly chasing him around after missions desperately trying to get him to hold still for long enough to do a check
Ronon hates pain medicine because it tends to dull his senses so in his mind all the more reason to avoid Beckett
He is really good friends with Beckett but just not when he’s hurt
Usually he wanders into the medbay after bad nightmares if Beckett is on night shift and will just sit there
One time he hesitantly asked if Beckett could check to make sure that the tracker was actually gone for good
Ronon was expecting to get laughed at but Beckett took the request with the upmost seriousness and ran all the tests he could think of to calm Ronon’s fear
One time Ronon stumbled into the medbay and he obviously hadn’t slept in a while and was flinching at every noise so Beckett made up an excuse to “take some blood to test and see if it would be compatible with vaccines for the common sicknesses humans get” and just like. Sedated him. Ronon felt betrayed at first but quickly realized that Beckett only did it because he cared about him and wasworried. He did try to get more sleep after that tho
Oh and you can bet Beckett goes off at him if he ever ends up in the medbay which he does to everyone but especially Ronon because usually he’s either dragged there or he’ll come in like “yeah so three days ago for the last mission I got hit in the side and now I’m coughing up blood so…” and then will just like pass out
While he was a runner he trained himself to be a light sleeper so adjusting to Atlantis was difficult because the ocean would wake him up every night at first
Also thunderstorms are The Worst to him because 1. It gives him PTSD for when he was a soldier and the wraith were attacking and 2. When he was a runner thunderstorms were almost a death sentence because the wraith could track him but he couldn’t hide he couldn’t hear and he couldn’t see so yeah thunderstorms are real bad for him
He has a constant fear of leading the Wraith to his new home and his new family oh also I decided that he doesn’t know if his mother died or not so every place they go he’s hopeful he’ll see her
This is a hc I had before I knew it was basically canon but he and the team hang out in the cafeteria a lot especially after nightmares they just all gravitate there
Also I haven’t gotten here yet so I’m just going off of what I know but he kind of tried to leave after Beckett died because he managed to find a way to blame himself also one of my hcs is that Beckett would tell him about Scotland all the time and had decided that if they ever got the opportunity to go to Earth then Ronon was coming to Scotland with him sooo ehehhe the angst of Ronon going to earth for Beckett’s funeral and going to Scotland with Beckett but not in the way either of them wanted
On to softer hcs just cuz
He loves hugs. 7 years of being alone would make anyone want a hug.
Children gravitate to him for some reason. Logically it doesn’t make sense because he’s so big and a bit intimidating but children just adore him
He carries extra snacks for Rodney
He can’t swim. Somehow he went his entire life without knowing how to swim which Rodney is astounded by and goes on about it for a minute or so
John took it upon himself to give him swimming lessons. John was a terrible teacher but Ronon managed to get the idea
He loves cocoa, specifically loaded with marshmallows. Teyla jokes he likes the marshmallows more than the cocoa
Wow this has gone on so much longer than I thought it would
So that’s it! you unleashed the beast. I now demand to hear your thoughts on ronon because boy oh boy hes a great whumpee and im not sure ive met many if anyone who likes to whumpe him so im super excited!!
#whump#angst#ronon dex#stargate atlantis#headcanons#this was so fun you hav eno idea how long those thoughts have been rattling in my brain with no one to talk to about#asks#ronon whump :)#(:
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MacRiley fan-fic
This one is a classic. Probably wont happen but it was fun to write anyways!
Season 4 spoilers..... duh!
******************************
“Good night guys. Riles you coming?” said Mac with his usual smile leaving the war room followed by Desi and Bozer. Matty and Russ were still busy.
Mac had been wanting to tell Riley about his break-up with Desi but they had got the call from Matty.
Desi and he realised they were never going to work. The weird part was that he didn't feel heartbroken.
He had seen it coming for a while now, it was just a matter of finally ripping off the band-aid. Desi seemed fine too, she still nipped at him occasionally but they had managed to keep it professional for the whole mission. Desi was staying with him until she could get back her old apartment.
“No I have some stuff I need to do. Good night Mac.” said Riley with a tight lipped smile.
Mac raised his eyebrow at her. “Okay. Good night then. Call me if you need a lift anyways.” He and Des got into his car while Riley walked to the nearest bar.
The mission had been rough. Riley felt completely spent but she needed a drink. It was Friday night and she was all alone. She let that sink in. At the rate she was going she was going to die alone too.
**************
Mac’s phone buzzing woke him up. It was 1 am. It had been barely 2 hours since they got back.
“Why won't criminals just take a day off.” said Mac half asleep, groaning as he reached for his phone.
He read the caller id fulling expecting it to be Matty. But it wasn't.
All the sleepiness drained right out of him. It was Riley.
“Hello? Riles? What’s going on is everything okay?” said Mac already getting up, fully alert now and trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake Desi up in the adjoining room.
Mac could here loud music in the background. What the hell was going on?
“Hey Mac. I need a ride.”
**************************
Mac found Riley outside The Bar. Riley was drunk and she was standing all alone outside at the entrance when she had called. Mac drove over as fast as he could. His heart racing the whole time.
He pulled up to where she was standing. Silently thanking the universe that she was okay.
“Riles? Are you okay” said Mac with deep concern on his face.
Riley nodded but swayed on her feet. Mac caught her.
“Okay lets get you home.”
Mac got Riley in the passengers seat and buckled her up. He had just started up the car when Riley mumbled.
“I’m sorry. I'm so so sorry” and tears started rolling down her face. Mac’s heart broke a little. Why had he not gone with her? What if something had happened to Riley? What if he had somehow missed her call?
“Riles. You dont have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay. Its a best friends duty to pick up them up especially when they get drunk. Today’s mission was hard on all of us.” said Mac with a smile. It really was the least he could do for her. She had put everything on the line when she had come to his rescue. She was always there. The one true constant in his life. The one person he could count on.
Riley just went on apologising until a minute later she had closed her eyes and fallen asleep. Mac looked over at her a few times. She seemed so peaceful. He had been so caught up with Desi, Codex and Phoenix that he hadn't even paid attention to what was going on with Riley. Something was definitely eating at her. He was hoping he could have talked to her today, tried to get to the bottom of things.
Riley had seemed a little distant lately. He didn't even blame her. He had no idea what was going on with her, but for now he would be there for her just like she was for him.
Mac pulled over outside Riley’s apartment. He didn't want to wake Riley up but he couldn't help it.
“Riles,” Mac whispered. “I need you to wake up now. Please.”
Riley opened her eyes slowly. He helped her out of the car and grabbed her bag. It was a good thing he knew she kept her keys in the tiny zipper in her favourite bag which she was also carrying right now.
He opened the apartment door and helped Riley in. He set her down on her bed and took off her boots. Riley was half asleep and was really out of it.
He tucked her in and was about to switch off the small bedside lamp when Riley reached for his arm.
“Hey Mac” she slurred a bit while talking,”Thanks for picking me up. Your a good friend you know. Don’t ever doubt that.”
Mac smiled. Even half drunk Riley was still thinking about him. He brushed out a few strands of hair out of her face and turned off the light.
“Good night Riles.” said Mac leaving the room.
“Love you, Mac” says Riley before cuddling into her covers and falling straight asleep.
Mac froze at the door, his heart pounding.
He had misheard her right? But he found himself hoping he hadn't.
It hit him like lightning. He loved Riley too, didn't he? Deep down he always had.
He had told himself that he had held her hand when that missile was about to hit them because he wanted Riley to know he was sorry. Sorry that he couldn't save her. But it was more than that,wasn't it?
He had loved her.
Mac smiled to himself. He was such an idiot. How had he not seen it sooner. Not seen what was right in front of him the whole time.
But he wouldn't say anything until he knew for sure.
**********
The next morning Riley woke up to the worst hangover. Maybe even worse than the one that Mac’s alcohol breaking down drug had given her when he, Leanna, Bozer and she were undercover.
She dragged herself to the shower and got changed which is when it registered that she could smell pancakes. What the hell?
“Good morning sleepy head.” said Mac a little too loudly. Riley winced.
Mac was cooking.... Pancakes... In her kitchen... In her house....
She looked over at her sofa and saw a blanket draped on it.
“Hope you dont mind. I crashed here after last night just incase you needed me.”
“No of course I dont mind. I’m just really hazy on what happened last night.” said Riley rubbing her head.
Mac placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of her along with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes.
“You dont remember anything?” asked Mac trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “You got really drunk last night and called me to ask if I could give you a ride home. You were really out of it.” said Mac with smile.
Bits and pieces came rushing back as she took a seat at the kitchen island. She had gone to the bar and had one drink after another and had completely lost track. She remembered contemplating calling Mac and then sitting in his car. She couldn't remember if she said anything. What if she told him about her feelings. Oh no no no no. Rileys mind was going into overdrive.
“Oh god Mac. I’m so sorry. I probably ruined you and Desi’s night. Im such an idiot. I dont even remember what I was thinking.”
“Hey hey its okay Riles. Besides Desi and I aren't dating anymore.” said Mac.
Woah. It was really taking her a while to process things.
“I’m sorry to hear that Mac. I feel like such a terrible friend. I didn't even notice something was up.” said Riley. Gosh when had she become such a mess.
“It was a long time coming. Desi and I just weren't right for each other. We both knew it, but we were hanging on to the relationship because it was familiar I guess.” said Mac.
Riley just silently nodded. Her mind was spinning.
“Anyways” said Mac smiling, “try the pancakes. I need to know if they are any good.”
Riley eyed the plate remembering Mac’s track record with cooking. She could feel Mac’s gaze on her so she tried it.
“Okay wow. These are actually really good.” said Riley. Mac laughed, ”Mission Accomplished. You have to tell Bozer they were good, okay? He won't believe me if I say it.”
Riley and Mac sat there eating chocolate chip pancakes, laughing. Riley felt like all the problems in the world just fell away.
***************
Riley was helping Mac clear up even though he had insisted he would do it on his own. There was still that worry that she had said something to Mac nagging her. He seemed alright. A little chirpy but happy.
“Mac. Last night. I didn't say anything stupid right?” said Riley washing the plate and handing over the last one to Mac to dry it since he had insisted.
“Why?” asked Mac a curious look on his face. “Was there something I needed to know?”
“Nope no reason. I was just really out of it yesterday. Just curious if I said anything.” said Riley relief washing over her.
“Well there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about actually.” said Mac putting the last plate away.
“Riles, I’m sorry Ive been such a terrible friend to you lately. I..just.. with everything going on with Codex and Desi.. i..never even bothered to check in on you. I had no idea why you were being distant until I realised last night that you were probabaly drunk because you felt like you couldnt talk to me. You’ve always been there no matter what and I couldn't even return the favour. I'm so sorry.”
Mac looked so stressed. He really thought it was his fault she was avoiding him.
Oh god what had she done. The exact reason she didn't want to tell Mac the truth was so she didnt hurt him but seeing him like this broke her heart. She loved him so much it physically hurt sometimes.
“Mac. Its not your fault. It has nothing to do with-” Riley stopped herself. She had nothing to lose right? She should just tell him. No more lies or secrets.
Mac looked up searching her face. She wasn't meeting his eye and she was fidgeting with her hands.
Could it be possible that Riley was distancing herself from him because of what she said last night? Could it really be true?
"Before you say anything, there is something you should know." said Mac. This was it. He felt brave all of a sudden.
"You said something last night. I mean I could have misheard you but it sounded you like you said you love me. Is that what this about?" Mac sounded so nervous.
Riley was shocked. She had said it last night. Oh god what if he didnt feel the same way?
"I- Mac- I am so sorry. I just- You were dating Desi and I just broken up with Aubrey and I just had to-"
Before Riley could finish Mac kissed her. And she kissed him back.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. " said Mac smiling. "I'm such an idiot. It took me so long to see what was in front me this whole time."
Mac held Rileys hand in his and they started at each other and smiled. They were in their own happy bubble.
#macgyver#macgyver fanfiction#macriley#angus macgyver#riley davis#cbs#macgyver cbs#cbs macgyver#fanfic#macgyver fandom
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my lengthy-ass post on game development and game release
yeaaaaa, ive been thinking about this for the past hour or so, and especially thinking about what my friends and other young people have talked about, i just decided to type out my feelings and thoughts about game development and game releases in terms of hyped up indie games (like silksong & deltarune chapter 2 + beyond)
but since this will be a huge post, im just gonna put it under a “read more” thing. if you wanna hear my thoughts on this, you can click the link below (this is basically comparable to a video essay ig)
but if you want a tldr, what my thoughts are is that dont give your hopes up on silksong, deltarune, & any other games releasing like very soon since you gotta take content implementation, bug testing/polishing, translations, porting, marketing, & announcements into consideration
with all that said, lets begin
so i remember talking to my friends a while ago about some of the most hyped up games release dates. you know, stuff like hollow knight: silksong or deltarune chapter 2+. especially after the updates given out by each developer/team recently, people are getting very excited to try out these games very soon this very year.
and by very soon, i mean like silksong (the full entire game) coming out THIS MONTH, and the entirety of deltarune (chapter 2 & however many chapters toby fox has planned) for THIS SUMMER IN ONE PACKAGE!!!
which, when i heard these, i thought they were all too good to be true! in fact, they’re all too good to be true. silksong DEFINITELY won’t come out this month, and i know for a Fact deltarune, the full package, won’t be out by this summer. and of course, that’s because of one thing that alot of us took for granted in terms of game development: the finalized touches.
before i go on, i just want to make this very clear: i am not a game design major. im not even in the industry. if anything, im an illustration major (currently), and all of what im gonna say is what i picked up from what other game devs have talked about and from other creative media industries (movie & tv show industry precisely). this is also really just speculation and opinionated, really the main point of this whole post is that you shouldn’t bet on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon from very easy theories and crazy misunderstandings on video game development, i am just giving out my own thoughts on when the game could possibly release (but tbf, i could be very wrong and we could get silksong out this month & the entirety of deltarune this summer. i don’t feel like we will, but it could be very possible and this whole post would be absolutely worthless)
now, i know tons of young people going into game development majors or want to be in the industry have tons of respect for the game development process. and thats good!!! im glad they have respect for the people actually making the content for the game and developing the full package. however, people usually take the finalized touches, imo, for granted more than the actual content development.
because how did people come to the conclusion about silksongs & deltarunes release date so soon???
from what i’ve heard from my friends and other people, silksong should come out this month to coincide with the anniversary of hollow knight, and because “team cherry is bad at marketing and releasing a game”
and with deltarune’s (the full package) release date, that was taking the whole game into consideration, and people’s speculation that deltarune would just be 4 chapters and that the whole thing will be released as one big package instead of episodic, despite the marketing of deltarune “chapter 1″
now, these sound a little bit reasonable. i mean, its been a while since we heard of them back in 2019 and 2018 respectively, and it makes perfect sense to release silksong on hollow knight’s anniversary and deltarune as a full game This Summer.
however, i still think that’s way too good to be true, and that’s because i took a few things into consideration: content implementation, bug fixing/polishing, translation, porting, and actually releasing the game (marketing/having the game up to a releasable state, and actually releasing the game). and to put this into my perspective, i thought about mario odyssey back in 2017
if you’re a nintendo fan like me and were hyped about the nintendo switch back in 2017, then you may remember mario odyssey and the hype around that game alone. when they revealed it back in 2017, they didn’t give a release date. a day after the reveal, mario odyssey devs came out straight and said they finished the game. the game was fully completed. however, they still didn’t give a release date, they just said that they’d spend this time polishing up the game.
and, i know it’s totally unfair to compare the polishing process between nintendo games & indie games since nintendo games are very well known for their polish, so they take more time to polish a game rather than. the next call of duty game.
however, this has given me a perspective as to how long developers spent on polishing the game. if we are to take nintendo at their word back then from when they announced they finished the game to release (which was late october 2017) then that means they spent 8-9 months alone on polish and bug fixing and maybe even translation. yes, you could have a finished game with all of the content in there, and you could feasibly release it as a switch launch title in march around the same time as breath of the wild; however, the developers didn’t feel mario odyssey was ready for release.
it wasn’t until e3 2017 when they felt proud to announce the release date for mario odyssey. this is important because that means that not only were the close to finishing the polishing & bug fixing state of the game, but that means they were done with translations and ready for marketing the game out to potential consumers. they spent who knows how long on polishing (probably anywhere between 6-9 months on polishing & bug testing alone) and they probably spent around the same amount of time on marketing the game.
now, like i said, its totally unfair to compare these two different design philosophies, as one is from a huge video game conglomerate that had years of game design vs small indie studios that only released their first game in the past decade, but let’s try to put this into perspective of silksong and deltarune
with silksong, team cherry had said they had gained new experience from hollow knight, both in terms of developing the actual games themselves and releasing them. this includes developing the game, implementing the content, and finalizing everything (from bug fixing and polishing, to marketing and releasing). and in terms of how they handled hollow knight’s original release, remember. that was their first game, they were very unsure as to how to market and release a game.
after hollow knight’s success, especially on switch, however, team cherry has gained experience as to how to finalize, market and release a game at a playable, releasable state.
in my personal opinion, especially with what team cherrys marketing manager had said recently, the content is done. they’ve finished all the content for silksong (the base game) and are in the finalized state of implementing everything into the game. however, that doesn’t mean for sure the game will come out on february 24th, 2021 for steam, switch & ps4 & xbox one (maybe even ps5 & series x)
they still gotta add any finishing polish to the game, they still gotta find and fix any bugs in the game, and even when they’re confident on that regard, you still gotta take marketing into account and when’s the right time to release the game. and in that point of view, you can probably imagine it won’t be until another few months until we hear anything substantial about silksong
and especially seeing as how silksong is gonna be a switch exclusive at first, silksong could be as easily released as hollow knight’s switch port was released; as an announcement in a big event, and on that same day. which would mean we could get silksong out for the nintendo switch during e3 2021. however, i was only being easy, fair, and reasonably realistic with silksong. it could come out sooner than i thought, or even later than i thought.
now, with deltarune, i am definitely very unsure about how far that game is in development and when that game will release, especially since all we have to go off of is undertale, the demo (deltarune chapter 1), and what toby fox officially said for undertale’s 5th anniversary on famitsu & on his website.
first, let’s go off of the claims i’ve heard people say about how long this game will be. “deltarune will be 4 chapters long, because there are 4 seasons in a year like undertale and because delta is the greek number for 4.” while that sounds reasonable, why hasn’t toby fox given us a sure amount of chapters he has planned for the game?
especially considering that in his official update on his website he kept emphasizing “chapters” and “multiple chapters” and “chapters 3+”, and the fact he separated chapter 2 from chapter 3+. from his words alone, it sounds like chapter 2 will be released separately from the entire rest of the game??? but that could just be me, and people are most excited about chapter 2 more than anything, so really he could just be talking about the state of the whole game by including chapter 2 separately, especially considering the entirety of deltarune will be built off of chapter 2.
but besides my speculation on chapter 2, the fact he didn’t give a sure amount of chapter numbers, and he even specifically said on release readiness he put “0%”, that just doesn’t translate to “this game should be ready for release in the summer of 2021″, despite the fact that he said development on the game is going smoothly, even taking his physical state that hes in right now.
i personally think the game could be around 4-7 chapters long if he’s planning on implementing multiple chapters in the game, even though the first draft of the games story and dialogue has already been finished in september 2020. and even if we were to go off of deltarune being 4 chapters long, it still doesn’t feel right to say this game will be out this summer??
i personally think if the full game will be 4 chapters, i feel more confident in saying the full 4 chapter game will be out by this upcoming holiday season at the earliest, and if not then, the latest would be somewhere in the first half of 2022. and if it won’t be 4 chapters long like im guessing it would, then it could be released even later than expected. again, i’m basing this off of words taken straight from toby fox’s mouth in september 2020, things couldve obviously changed since then and i could be very wrong about when this game will come out.
but i know for a fact deltarune wont fully be released this summer, they still gotta develop the later chapters and put this game into a full package or release it episodically (even though people are confident that the game will be released in one package, i haven’t heard toby fox officially say anything about how the game will be released, just how the game has been developed so far), which of course is taking polishing/bug fixes into account, and marketing as well
i know for a fact polishing & bug fixes & even marketing wont take as long as nintendo games, but i do know they won’t be done very easily or quickly, and we still shouldn’t be too sure about when these games or any future game will come out
i guess that’s actually just the point of this whole post. unless its people with refuteable sources that have been spot on with predictions or it’s officially said from the mouths of these developers, then don’t bet on silksong or deltarune coming out so soon because of rumors or speculation
i could even be wrong about everythign that i’ve just said. im not a game major, like i said, so silksong could probably come out on february 24th, 2021, and maybe deltarune will come out this summer. i’m very sure it isn’t, but i could be wrong and know nothing about the game development process, and really toby fox’s team & team cherry are game development gods, and i’m surprised nintendo hasn’t bought them out by now so they could release splatoon 3, mario odyssey 2, mario galaxy 3, the diamond and pearl remakes, and metroid prime 4 right now /s
but yea, like i said, don’t count on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon, and maybe take the final stages of development and marketing and releasing more realistically rather than overlooking them and making unsubstantiated claims based off of speculation
#ruby says clown shit#ok thats all i wanted to say#ik at this point this is really just me rambling but i do hope you understand what i mean#again the main thing is that you shouldnt give your hopes too high on silksong & deltarune releasing so soon#and ig u could use this for any other game you're very excited about coming out#if you read the whole post however. thank you so much i didn't make any sense at all but thank you anyways#really this is all just speculation. i could be right or i could be wrong#but again just dont give your hopes up on silksong or deltarune getting released soon#and ik for a fact i left some stuff out bc i spent alot of time writing my main points#so uh. yea. thats it. idk what else to say#im just gonna post this now#if it bombs whatever. this was pointless. but if you did listen to what i had to say thank you!!!
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hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post.
disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]
that rowan fucking died,
i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical.
i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote.
that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now.
i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:
;_;
the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.
lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....
sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team. this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle.
right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs.
so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad.
the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!
my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;
i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.
GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such.
most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left.
they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots.
the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.
the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u.
rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart.
theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O.
theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.
and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie.
until next time, remember.......
#hp#harry potter#hphm#harry potter hogwarts mystery#bill weasley#goblins#charlie weasley#sirius business#rowan khanna#rambling#Thoughts#so sorry im still making these posts#i just want to see them through to the end now
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Small Dec Wins
i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!
1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt
2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be.
3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp
4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.
5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends
6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check
7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok
8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe
9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.
10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss
11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,
12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance
13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100
14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.
15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.
16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)
17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check
18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo
19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.
20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)
21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)
22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt.
23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day
24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.
25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.
26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.
27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100.
28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf.
29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner.
30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.
31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep
and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live.
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when i said it i thought it was true [1] {Ben Hardy}
Anon asked: could you do an imagine where ben is the reader’s ex and they are somehow working together on the set of bo rhap and they fall in love all over again ☺️ could you make it angst-y and then end with fluff? i love your writing so much!!
Anon asked: could you do an imagine where the reader is in bo rhap, maybe playing as one of roger’s gfs or something and she kind of falls in love with ben while filming the scenes with him as roger 💖 very fluffy pls :D
A/N: 3124 words. Super AU version of BoRhap being filmed in the fic. There’s gonna be another part, that will fill the prompts better. This might end up being a series. I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be nice.
When your manager rings you, telling you that you’d landed a part in the Queen Biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, you were elated. Freddie Mercury was a bit of a personal hero of yours, and to be a part of his story on the big screen, it was sort of a dream come true.
In your first meeting, you sign a nondisclosure agreement, and you’re given the latest draft of the script to start learning, as well as a character brief. The script calls your character ‘Amanda’, the girlfriend of Roger Taylor who he eventually realises he wants to settle down with. You’d seen pictures of young Roger Taylor, you wouldn’t lie, you were excited for the role. Honestly, even today he was still quite a fox.
The point is, you were excited to have a fun time on set with a pretty blonde, make some new connections, and earn some good money. Some really good money.
The other shoe drops when you’re flicking through Instagram, and one of the stan accounts you follow has posted a leaked screenshot of the proposed cast list, and there’s your name, right beside the name of the last person you wanted to pretend to be in love with. Ben Hardy; pretty blonde extraordinaire, and your ex-boyfriend.
The table read is... awkward.
The two of you are sat next to each other, and barely spoke two words to each other. You feel unprofessional the whole time, but you’d rather be anywhere else in the world, and the delivery of some of your lines falls a little flat. The director casts a concerned look between yourself and Ben as you rattle of what’s meant to be banter like you’re reading the news paper.
“They’ve got no damn chemistry; it’s like watching a celebrity divorce hearing.” When the Director vents to one of the producers in the hall outside after the reading, you manage to catch it where you’re just about to come out of the bathroom.
“They’ll be better on set, I promise, it’s just jitters.” She tries to soothe his nerves, and they’re off soon after, and you’re left with a cold, sinking sensation in your stomach.
“You’re Y/N, aren’t you? How are you finding the set?” The guy who greets you on your first day on the Eastenders set smiles with such casual ease it feels like you’ve known him for a while, instead of having just met him.
“Yeah, that’s me.” You agree with a quick nod, rocking back on your heels as you gaze around the space, trying not to look at him for too long. “It’s a bit overwhelming.” Actually, what’s overwhelming is that he’s talking to you. He’s Ben fucking Hardy, pretty-boy on the soap-opera scene, and he’s talking to you on your first day.
“Yeah, you’ll be right though; if you need any help or anything, just give us a yell, yeah?” And you realise he probably doesn’t know who you’re playing, or how you’re involved in that Season’s arc, but you certainly did.
“I didn’t know you could play drums.” You’re trying to be casual when you say it, but you see Ben tense where he’s sitting on a sofa in the rehearsal room, script and pencil in hand.
“I can now, that’s all that really matters.” He’s giving off such strong ‘please leave me alone’ vibes that it almost hurts, and you have to push through the knot in your stomach and sit down next to him.
“Ben, we need to at least be civil.” You say quietly, and he looks at you, expression a little forlorn.
“Y/N, we are civil, and we’ve done this before. Let’s just keep it professional, okay?” His tone leaves little room for argument, and you nod in agreement with a small smile, and pull out your phone, waiting for the rehearsal director.
“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” You purr, running your hand delicately over the collar of Ben’s shirt, as his eyes widened and he spluttered to form a sentence, just as the script had told him to.
Your character was more a plot device than anything, when Ben’s character is at a low point, his main romance is on a break, and he meets you, a temptress in all black. Your job is to give his character a realisation, he starts as your cocaine dealer when his supplier can’t make the drop, and he falls for you. Depending on the audience reaction, you knew the producers were waiting to see if they kill you off or have you recover from your addiction. The point is, your fate’s uncertain at the end of the Season, and Ben’s character realises he has to get out of the drug trade.
“I’ve got something for you, from Oskar. Can we go somewhere more private?” When he speaks, it’s with surprising confidence, and he steps up from the bar stool and into your space, smiling as your face lights up. The director calls cut after a moment, and you step back, smile sliding to something genuine as an assistant comes in and straightens your loose, black silk shirt, and they reset the shot for a new take.
“Ben, could you try less flustered? You’re here to deliver drugs, you’re not a schoolboy.” The director’s voice was kind as she came up to the two of you, and Ben agreed easily before she turned to you. “Great job, Y/N, don’t be afraid to be more even more forward, if you feel it.” As soon as you nod in understanding, she absconds, and you half laugh.
“If I was any more forward I’d be in your lap.” You snickered, voice quiet as you dipped your head to hide how you were faintly flustered. Ben was quiet, just watching you for a moment, but before you noticed, the director called for everyone to standby.
“I’m after Maggie, do you know where I could find her?” Ben starts as soon as the cameras start rolling, brow furrowed as he leans across the bar to speak to the bartender, and that’s your cue to enter the scene.
“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” And when you say it this time, he smirks back at you, a little cocky, and you can feel the way it makes your heart flutter and you know it’s not as fake as it should be.
Before filming even starts, the producers have essentially forced you and Ben into bonding sessions which, if this were several years ago, would have just been dates. Now they’re awkward and tense, and you tend to bring heavily highlighted scripts.
“I saw you in that Wes Anderson movie last year. It was a really good performance, one of your best.” He offers over coffee. The idea that he’d kept up with enough of your work to label one ‘your best’ has you a little shocked, and something in your heart warms as you thank him softly.
It’s gotten easier to hang around with him, and it’s even easier to pretend to be in love with him in rehearsals. It’s like riding a bike, how easy it is to let yourself smile and lean into him, to let the banter flow easily between the two of you, fond jabs that edge on insulting coming as easily as breathing.
Joe mentions that he thought the two of you worked together before, and when you reply that you’d dated for almost a year, he goes very quiet, eyes going wide. After a beat, he admits it explains a lot.
“X-Men did you real dirty.” You’re half paying attention to an interview with Roger Taylor that the two of you had been instructed to watch together. You’re both in his trailer, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa as you watch in almost complete silence.
“What?” He asks, after a beat, your words having taken a moment to process.
“Killing you off like that; they could have gotten so much mileage out of your character.” The way you say it is far too well thought out to be an idle thought. Ben smirked.
“You just liked the leather pants.” He muttered, but you’re silence is answer enough. You know he sees your embarrassed smile, but you can’t bring yourself to deny it.
“Hey, do you wanna grab a drink after and go through notes and blocking and stuff?” You’re shooting your third episode, and you’re far more comfortable on set by now. Agreeing easily, you let Ben drive the two of you to what he claims is the best pub in town, and you sit in one of the more secluded booths to talk.
It turns out he’s just as much a fan of you as you are of him; you’re known more for your bit-parts in long-running series, it seems like the only show you hadn’t been a part of so far had been Eastenders, it was only a matter of time. It’s an innocent night, true to his word, all you do is talk, and discuss the script. There is one part of the upcoming script that has you a bit nervous.
“Listen, honestly just go for it; it’s not meant to be sweet or anything, I’m literally taking coke from you.” You tell him, fidgeting, and he’s hums thoughtfully.
“You sure? We can talk to the director, I’m sure-” He offers, but you laugh to hide your nervousness.
“Nah, let’s knock it out of the park, the script says go for it so just go for it.” You assured him, heart rate already quickening at the mere thought of it.
The next day, before the scene, the director comes over to talk you through it, making sure that if anything becomes uncomfortable, that you can talk to her. Both you and Ben assure her that it’s fine.
“You’re far too cute for this line of work.” You say as you hold a baggie of “cocaine” up to the light, smile playing on your lips.
“Cute? Ouch, you really know how to wound a man, you know.” He says, leaning back against the sofa in the hallway of the grubby hotel your character was staying in. He’s watching you with interest, small smile playing on his lips.
“Cute’s not a bad thing, baby, but you look like you should be making coffees or playing football in the sun, not here, not with me.” And you tap out a little of the powder onto your hand, pretending to snort it before you turn to him, his expression dark and hungry, and he kisses you, aggressive, almost desperate, and you lean into it, almost forget you’re playing a role with his hand on the back of your neck. When he lets go, when he pulls away, your eyes are still closed and you chase his lips for a moment. Eyes flickering open, you see him smirking down at you where he’s standing, and you both know it wasn’t entirely acting.
“You don’t know anything about me.” He growls, and you know you have to smile like you’re into it, like it’s a challenge, but instead, you duck your gaze, giving a small laugh and wiping at the nostril you’d just “snorted cocaine” through, before looking up at him through your eyelashes.
They call cut, and the director announces, almost a little awed, that she’s pretty sure they got the the take, actually says she’s not sure if she could getting a better take if they tried again. Ben seems far too pleased with himself.
“They want us to tell the public we’re together.” You’re resting your head on Ben’s chest laying at the back of the tour-bus set, and his hand is resting on your waist, which is bare for the crop top and booty shorts they’ve put you in.
“Yeah, I heard.” He replies, voice equally quiet. “I think we’ve got a meeting about it tomorrow morning.” Gwil and Rami are actually playing scrabble at the front of the bus, and Joe is talking to Singer, the director.
“It’s a bad idea.” You’re so frank that you feel Ben freeze, and you heave a sigh. “It’s good for the movie, but Ben...” You trail off, and you feel it when he forces himself to relax. “It wouldn’t be real, it would just be weird.”
“Y/N, we’re actors.” He says very pointedly, and when you turn, resting your chin on his chest, he looks tired, a little exasperated. “It’s just a business deal.” He assured, and you let out a low, thoughtful grumble.
“We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” You allow, and he nods once, shifting to a more comfortable position, and you go back to resting your head on his chest, eyes fluttering closed as Singer called for the shot to be reset and a bunch of people came and straightened your clothes, and touched up your makeup, all without you having to move much.
You agree to the terms set forth in the meeting easily, the story being that your relationship rekindled on set, and that you were now madly in love, mirroring the relationship you were portraying on screen.
“Wait, does that mean-?” Ben leans forward in his chair, with his heart in his throat as he followed their logic, thinking through the plot of the movie. “Like engaged?” He asked.
“Seems a bit fast.” You agreed, voice level enough that someone might mistake you for calm rather than internally freaking out, and your managers shared a look.
“There will be a public proposal during or after the world premiere, that’s up to you both, and after the movie is out on DVD, you can go your separate ways.” They assured, but your mouth fell open.
“You know he left me for X-Men, right?” You splutter, and Ben’s eyes widen as he turns to you with a scoff.
“You’re the one who said the distance was too much for us while I was in Cairo.” He snapped, and you threw your hands in the air.
“I was offering to come and stay with you instead, but you said you were too busy!” That was enough to shut him up, his mouth snapping closed as he turned away sharply, huffing out a resigned sigh.
“We have a few brands and restaurants who are interested in sponsoring, and the producers are willing to increase both your salaries if you go through with it for the full duration.” Your manager informed you both carefully, and you and Ben shared a resigned look.
“Fake intend to marry me for like three months?” He asked, voice low and bitter, and after heaving a long sigh, you look to your managers,
“Fine.”
“I think I love you.” Ben’s character shows up at your character’s door, and you open it in a silk robe.
“Hello to you too.” You laughed, but he’s so serious, so sincere, and when he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t offer anything else, you step up to him, pressing your lips to his, and he wraps his arms around you, hands sliding against the silk over your hips, and you pull back.
“You’re too sweet for me, baby,” voice so low it’s barely a whisper, he’s the one who chases your lips this time, but your catch his chin, and his eyes open.
“You’re high.” He says softly, voice raw and a little desperate.
“And you’re my dealer.” You push him back gently, going to close the door and his expression turns angry.
“That doesn’t mean anything; I love you, Maggie.” His words hang heavily in the air, but before you can respond, they call for cut. You’re told to play it more like it hurts to try and turn him down, and you agree, smiling and nodding all the while. Everyone sets up for another take and you close the door.
When you kiss him this time, his hands are holding your face, and you’ve got your arms around his neck, and it’s like the world falls away from around you. It’s not acting now, hasn’t been for weeks, almost months now, not since he’d asked you out officially. Every time you kiss him you’re desperate to drown in his embrace, and he kisses you like it’s just the two of you, no cameras, no scripts.
“You’re-” and he cuts you off with another quick kiss, which has you laughing a little sadly, “Peter you’re too sweet for me.” He rests his forehead against yours, heaving a sigh.
“I know you’re high.” He says gently, and you don’t push him away this time, just lean back, your finger lifting his chin.
“And you’re my dealer.” You tell him, expression falling.
“That doesn’t mean anything, that doesn’t matter; I love you.” And you know that in that moment, the words mean so much more than the script, than these characters, than the show; he loves you. Ben loves you.
You avoid him, outside of filming, until you actually get a call from your manager telling you you’re contractually obligated to be seen in public together at least once a week. Even while filming you’re short with him, and he’s quick to get away from you the moment he doesn’t need to be around you, which was getting to be pretty bad, seeing as how you had been blocking a sex scene.
After the call, you and Ben get a drink. It’s awkward at first, though that’s unsurprising. After a long sip of his beer, he pats his thighs where he’s sitting in the armchair across from you. You make a face at him, shaking your head.
“It’ll look less suspicious than if we’re shouting at each other across the table.” He hissed, and you groaned, obliging and crossing to sit yourself in his lap. He’s warm and secure, and he wraps his arm around you like it’s second nature. “Let’s not make this weird.” He said gently, and you nod.
“As for tomorrow’s shoot,” you said softly, leaning in to make sure no-one else heard, and he nodded, humming softly, “we’re professionals, and,” after a beat you cleared your throat pointedly, “it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”
“Not in front of a camera crew we haven’t.” Ben says with a smirk, and you snicker in agreement. “It’s gonna go fine; this is all gonna go fine, I promise.” And when you raise your eyebrows at him in surprised question, he just laughs softly, and brings you in for a chaste kiss. “It’s only until the DVD’s released.” He assures you, and you let your expression fall, already weary.
“Ben, that’s over a year away.”
#ben hardy#ben hardy imagine#ben hardy x reader#bohemian rhapsody#borhap#bo rhap#queen#queen imagines#eastenders#eastenders imagines#the angry lizard writes
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a bunch of winter 2020 anime first impressions from Me
Koisuru Asteroid / Asteroid In Love
ok ive already professed my love for this one so i wont get too much into it but basically it’s Extremely cute & im way invested in the two (HOPEFULLY romantic) leads bc their relationship is so sweet so far aaaaaaa
like do u SEE this shit im actually tearing up hgnfhrognfghdjfnjg
this show is Pretty and Cute and Space-Themed and Probably Gay what more do u Need. i love it 10/10
Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!
so fucken good, this is the one i was most excited for based purely on the art style/animation and god did it deliver, everything is such a treat to look at i fuckin LOVE a setting w/ just as much personality as the characters
and My Goodness the Characters, 3 distinct girls w/ strong designs & personalities that aren’t like super moe/catered to cishet dudes heLLO
we Love a gremlin protag & her chaotic neutral best friend & the “fuck you dad i want to make anime” dreamer they meet........
also HELL YEAH it’s about making anime and they don’t even use that as a gimmicky set piece, the art is a huge part of the story and the detail with which it’s explored in the first ep gives me high hopes for the rest of the show aaaaa so excited to see where this one goes after that BANGER of a first episode
Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun
switching gears to a less great one lol..... so the thing is this show’s visual aesthetic absolutely fucking slaps in a way that’s so rare to see in a sea of samey anime art styles, like the character designs are unique and everything is so damn colorful, the backgrounds alone blow me away w/ how fuckin Pretty they are??? LOOK at this shit
and just. this show has a lot of stylistic flourishes that make it like 100/100 Certified Good-To-Look-At Anime
which makes every other aspect of the show that much more disappointing lmaoooo like ok i can deal w/ a mediocre story if the visuals slap, which they Do, but also these characters look 10 & we’re doing the whole sexualizing minors thing which fucking BLOWS it’s so uncomfortable to watch........... i feel like it’s one of those things where they’re trying to justify it by being like “o well hanako’s like a thousand year old spirit or whatever so he’s not REALLY underage” but fuckin. fuck off he looks and sounds like a Young Boy yall know what ur doing ugh
it’s not a thing that happens Constantly throughout the episode, really just a few moments here and there, but it is in the op pretty prominently so i feel like it’s gonna be a Thing that keeps happening so idk if i’ll stick w/ this one in particular which is a Damn Shame bc it really is such a gorgeous looking show im mad
number24
ok ngl just from the character designs alone i rly didn’t think this one was gonna make as good a first impression as it did??? i guess the huge ensemble cast of pretty boys reminded me of last season’s actors: songs connection, which uh. was Not great,
so i went into it totally expecting it to be all shitty but it rly surprised me, i found it so intriguing? the characters are actually really endearing so far...... i love how it doesn’t try to shove the entire cast in our faces in the v first ep but instead starts out w/ a small handful and lets us spend a lil time w/ them while only giving assorted Hints and passing impressions of the others, that was nice
also love how very not “generic sports anime” it is right off the bat by dropping us right into the middle of these characters’ story instead of doing the whole “bright-eyed first year joins the team and fights his way to the top” sorta deal- which you’d think would be a confusing and awkwardly paced approach but in this case is handled surprisingly well, especially because it seems like it’s gonna have a lot more elements of a character drama than a straight up classic sports anime (which i am Super here for)
(there is a lot of rugby in the op though so we’ll see how things go, it’s only been 1 ep after all)
the air drop into the characters’ established lives makes introductions a lot more organic as well; since the characters are already familiar with each other we don’t have to sit around watching everyone introduce themselves to the protag, we get to infer their relationships and general opinions of each other through their various interactions & it’s a thousand times more engaging imo!!
i mean we do have this other first year joining as a manager and our protag did deliberately say he learned everyone’s names/info after deciding to become a manager so im sure we’ll be getting those character introductions anyway, but well. we’ll cross that bridge if/when we come to it
also i believe this takes place in college rather than high school?? i couldn’t pay attention to every detail but i definitely got that kind of vibe in which case Hell Yeah another welcome deviation from the norm babeeyyyy (i just checked and it Is college yeehaw)
basically what im saying is im tired of tropes & number24 just no clipped past the first 25 chapters of the sports anime formula and also it’s set in university AND it seems to be character-driven & im living thanks thank u
Pet
ok ill be honest i completely forgot that i watched this one lmaooo (which should give u a hint as to what i thought of it *thinking emoji*)
the art style’s whatever and the animation’s whatever, nothing special there. the show is like, dark?? more stupid than dark idk it feels a little bit “welcome to my twisted mind” but the twist is homophobia w/ a mild side of ableism, and also an entire episode of suspense wondering if im gonna have to watch this black side character die (he doesn’t, so there’s that at least)
honestly i cant even remember what drew me to this show enough to put it in my plan to watch, i guess the premise sounded interesting enough (something about controlling minds and erasing memories?), but mature psychological shows usually aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re executed.... Like That. i did kind of enjoy the twist at the end, mildly, though i feel like it was pretty obvious in hindsight and the only reason i didn’t see it coming is bc i can be astoundingly shortsighted when it comes to things like that (aka im DUMB)
since it took until the very end of the episode to Really introduce our dynamic duo tho, i feel like this ep was more of a prologue than anything and the Real show is gonna begin in ep 2, which is great n all but uh. idk if i care enough to give that a watch tbhhhh. i might just to see what the show has to offer but really truly honestly cant see myself sticking this one thru to the end lmao rip
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hate to end on a bummer note like that but hey that’s all i got for this post ! i have more shit to watch so i’ll probably end up making like a part 2 w/ more impressions but this is getting long enough that it’s becoming kind of a pain to keep adding more so thats it for now boiyoeiyeoii
#i kept wanting to talk abt my thoughts & figured this format would be more efficient than making a bunch of scattered text posts#also this way i get to include pictures to help identify each show#which is a lot more fun and probably way easier to understand wtf im talking about#so thats my gift to u ur welcome#retag later#ani blogging
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1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix
Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕
3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)
3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals
2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses
2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy
My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)
How tall am I - 5′2
What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)
Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green
Do I have a crush - no not really
Favourite place - my home
What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that
Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens
Eye color - brown
Hair color - light-ish brown
Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:
Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)
Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out
How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok
Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her
My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while
My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well
Favorite season - probably Spring c:
Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any
Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^
The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)
Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/
Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never
How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max
Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today
Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:
Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)
Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup
Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no
Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/
How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often
If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question
What do I think about most? - probably k-pop
Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind
What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”
Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting
Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there
Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah
Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah
What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on
What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials
Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy
Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:
Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah
Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes
What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat
What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/
What is my favorite word? - yeet
My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)
@honeylixs
@zoxsu
@tinyfigureskater
@stray-kids-dork
@straykidsmate
If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:
Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of
What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts
Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?
no to ALL those questions C:
Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever
Been overweight? - …
Been underweight? - no.
Gotten my heart broken? - nah
Been to prom? - nope
Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really
Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:
Wore make up?- nope
Dyed my hair? - nope
Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed
Met someone famous? - nope
Stalked someone on a social network? - nope
Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun
Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts
What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed
Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates
Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia
Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)
What I’m really bad at - running :/
What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so
The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;
What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk
What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes
My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)
Any question you’d like? - hmm idk
Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy
What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people
Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no
Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda
Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk
What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)
What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)
Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)
Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally
Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever
Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle
Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:
Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent
What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach
What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone
Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)
Do you ever want to get married? - yeah
If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)
Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so
Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah
What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes
Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah
Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no
Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)
Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one
Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup
Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no
Ever been in love? - c:
Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter
Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr
Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so
What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors
Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough
First person you talked to today? - my mom
Last person you talked to today? - Georgia
Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many
Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many
Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many
Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no
Have any pets? - too many
Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah
Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD
Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it
Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:
Is cheating ever okay? - hell no
Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure
What your zodiac sign? - Pisces
Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?
Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)
oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired
but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now
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EPISODE SEVEN
“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey
HOH: Nathan
UPSIDE DOWN: Emma
NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki
POV: Joshua
FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki
EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)
ARIA
So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am)
1. COMP FLOPS
-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation
2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE
I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way
3. DAMAGE CONTROL
This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them
SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk)
But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD
Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved)
The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time
1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)
HUGE GAP
2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)
3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )
ANOTHER GAP
4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)
5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)
-smol gap-
6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)
7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)
anothe gap
8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)
9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)
10.Joshua (the silence is deafening)
Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something
praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3
JOEY
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.
EMMA
Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN
EMMA
my shit list in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader
Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey
who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)
Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap* Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love) Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM
but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game
JEV
So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.
HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s
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Episode 12 | “Beauty got problems and Brawn got problems”- Autumn
wow. just wow. i sure did just do that and im so proud. i proved to myself im a deserving winner tonight. i will fight to the death to get my allies to the end because lets be real i sure am not making it KJSDFLASFLA.
i was going to start this confessional out in a celebratory tone but YOU KNOW WHAT I STILL AM BECAUSE WE JUST DID THAT. I typically like to be my own biggest hater and drag myself in my confessionals a lot just as a way to clock myself and try to see the other perspective, but BITCH I KNOW I SNAPPED THIS ROUND AND IF YOU DONT THINK I DID LEMME HIT YOU WITH SOME FACTS; FACT: I CORRECTLY USED MY ADVANTAGE AND WON IMMUNITY DURING WHAT WAS A PERTINENT ROUND https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: UPON FINDING OUT I HAD IMMUNITY I KNOW DEVON WAS COMING TO ME TRYING TO KEEP ME UNDER HIS WING, OH YEAH ADAM, JUST VOTE IN THE MINORITY, AND GO ALONG WITH BEING AT THE BOTTOM, AND IT WAS M E DECIDING I DIDNT WANT TO DO THAT AND SPILLING THE TEA THAT LED TO GETTING AN OUTCOME I WANTED https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: it was ME who also went to autumn/ali and started planting seeds of doubt in their minds about jake and it's turning out it's helped me solidify my position with them better https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: It's also still me who's aligned with 2 or 3, if you include jake, of the biggest targets left in the game and i already have augusto and amir sliding in my pms trying to play pity me boo hoo hoo like gorl plea im not buying it but yall wanna keep singing kumbaya? well ill sing the encore and be twice as fake as yall (i DO love them both as people just as a disclaimer but from a game perspective? they're beasts!) https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif ok, boasting over, time to hop off cloud nine and get back to reality because FACT: we all just made a big move, so the target on all of us, including myself, just went up, FACT: i could easily be delusional and maybe i had NOTHING to do with this blindside SJDFA but lemme bask in my fake glory anyway itll be funny to read after at least... FACT: The war has truly only just begun, that was a great victory but if me/ali/autumn are really in it like we're saying, we may still have another idol on our side, but we're gonna need more than that, it's kinda funny we're one brain, one brawn, one beauty and i think that speaks volumes i truly love these gals and think this is a good game route for me. some people might think it's foolish of me to align with the big threats and go deep with them, but who's to say im not worthy of being in their company? if it wasnt for my social connection with devon he wouldve never told me the plan, and then autumn is the smart one so she kept us composed and together, and then ali was the brawn he had the idol and got the job done. So im gonna just try and stick with this for now, hopefully they feel the same and dont try to oust me right away because then ill look like a whole fool and a half OOP, and ill plaster my fake smiles on for everyone else and kiki it up we can haha hehe all day long but i wont hesitate to vote them out because trust and believe.
Last Day 30 was my last day playing TS: Guyana, so this is a nice feeling to still be here. But now the fun kicks in. Jakey helped orchestrate the Devon blindside with the Ali idol, so I guess we're even. And now, assuming Jakey is still actually with me, which I think he is, I think we can run this game for the longrun. He has access to Ali, Autumn, and Adam and I have access to the three Beauties. I truly see this being beneficial for the both of us in terms of keeping one another safe and allowing us to get to the final six unharmed. Final six is important for me. I'm not sure if I've admitted this in an earlier confessional or not, but I have the Legacy Advantage (thank you Jordan Pines!) that I can use at six. So I just need to survive two more tribals. If I can do that, I have a seat in the final five, probably two more rounds to survive before getting to FTC, and then I have a shot. I really need to start building a resume if I want to win this game, but I think I have a chance. I really need to get Ali and Autumn out in these next three rounds. If I can do that, I see myself being able to make the end with the likes of Jakey, Kendall, Augusto, and maybe Adam (Amir will become a threat at five or six I think) and then I have at least a shot at the win, but I really need to keep my head down, keep the social game going, and make a move or two here.
so. i think i have some explaining to do JKLASDFA huh? i was on calls for the like three hours before tribal so i didn't really confess at all.. in fact i think in my last confessional i said that we were voting 4-3-3 which did not happen at all so i think i need to fill in some gaps huh? so... i have known since like 11pm EST yesterday that i was getting votes tonight. devon told, adam told me and then told autumn, but then autumn didn't want to tell me until later in the day which i honestly do think was fair so we weren't spiralling for hours. we were all sus of jake all day (and lowkey i still am?)... like i dont know when his energy because so shady, plus devon may have told adam that jake was in on the plan? plus he kept saying stuff like the vote has gone "back to kendall" and kept pushing me not to play the idol... something does not add up right with that. anyway so that demonic group of five voted for me, and lied SO much to make me leave with my idol? like why not just make me paranoid, leak the vote to adam or jake then vote autumn get me to waste an idol and then autumn leaves? now that would've been a good move hello?! but that group does not know how to blindside, idols have sabotaged their plans twice and amir/augusto should consider themselves lucky that they are still in the game. also kendall fought me at tribal because i was being cocky... but she literally tried to blindside me into leaving with an idol hello?! i appreciate that she thought she was going, but she is zero to too much way too quick. augusto can literally suck my ass our call was him and his bad excuse for jury management, like can he at least be like amir and pretend to want to work with me? anyway so moving forwards, i wanna vote out kendall or augusto this round. amir can stick around because he at least pretends to wanna work with me plus he is a threat too. idek i just want all the fake people in this tribe gone. i will not vote for adam, autumn or jake. i will vote for any of the others, im not fussed about the order in which i do so. im living on borrowed time in this game and im going to make it count
Sorry this is two parts I thought my friend was gonna die lol but she's fine. Remember kids, there's no dick worth dying over and a straight guy rejecting you is a blessing in disguise these days (considering the alternatives).
Now on with the show hahaha
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-AkqQGDYzlccP1VFwpPNo-aCQPFmoj9Z https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bVcBqq0JL2-ybgTiS2vOrYURbCG0kIxh
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thots on final 8: augusto: would cut me to win, literal love of my life, super kind and empathetic and genuinely good person, i think his social game is fire and i think he has a way with people, and downplays how smart and cutthroat he really is constantly, but i love the kid so much ali: the brit has to die ali again: okay im kidding i like him a lot but tbh hes a smart fucking guy, i think hes super cool and and also a badass with that idol play, hes a force but he has to go soon autumn: lana stan, coolest girl around, queen of the social game, queen of likability, queen of controlling rounds and letting others take the hit, a damn threat, she could win this game tj: sweetheart, we need each other in the game rn, i need need need to secure his loyalty adam: hes kinda crazy but he has a good heart, kinda just following ali and autumn rn, not gonna win in the end kendall: i have a soft spot for this crackhead, she deserves the world, probably cant win at the end but im happy i met her, shes on my side and a vote i can use moving forward jakey: love him to death would die 4 him, would beat me in the end and at immunities also the fact that kendall augusto and i are all still here is so fucking funny, like bitch how kejwnfkewjnfkejnwfkjnewkfnewk cockroaches
So numbers on surface Jakey - adam - autumn - Ali Kendall - Amir - Augusto - tj Round 5: Adam - Ali - autumn Amir - kendall - Augusto In the middle: jakey - tj So I just have to work on them
when i tell you ive been hooting and hollering what the fuck is going on in the survivor on this day, who the hell would've thought id win my third individual immunity in one season, gorl that is probably the most 2020 thing to happen in this game. although two of them pretty much were dumb luck afdjks either that or maybe im doing a little better than i think i truly dont know, and the touchy subjects clocked me on THAT as; what was it they said, 'the person they forget is in the game' and also 'least aware of their place' okay well yes im AWARE ive BEEN lost and asking for help this whole game gorl! But that's great, that's how i want people to view me, because uh... i just won 3 of these things now and that alone is reason to target me, granted im doing my best to play it up like dont worry! im just a dumb dumb! and clearly theyre eating that up like crazy, because it's both just the truth but also strategy if i keep playing it up, so watch out meryl, adam's in town! also LOVE that i knew i was gonna get most likely to have the idol i dont know how many times i have to say it IM INNOCENT AND BEING FRAMED FOR A FOOL and ooh dont even get me started on all the other tea it spilled, i actually got the LEAST of the bad things, i guess i kinda exposed myself because i made most of my chops at amir, augusto, and tj oop, so they probably didnt like that but they really left me no choice strategically, screw with me, i screw back, simple as that. As far as the vote too ummm.....it's been quiet tonight on my end so hope that doesnt make me a fool because this time last vote was a disaster, at this point im still thinking i need to stick with ali and autumn because this vote is so pertinent, after this a solid 4 can take it, or get as far as we can because im always keeping my options open OOP, but for the most part i do want to stay true to my good judys for now, but i know someone between amir/augusto/kendall has an idol and if they were smart theyd use it this round, so i need to convince the others of this because im sure its gonna happen since they dont think ali has one anymore hopefully but who knows, if it were up to me we'd vote augusto or tj this vote. I think amir has the idol and i think he's going to play it for himself this round or i could see augusto playing it for him, so if i can make anyone belive that very realistic scenario, we can get one of the ones theyd least expect just to ensure us the numbers for next round, but what do i know, they just forget im in the game anyway! so hopefully tomorrow someone tries to give me the tea and we get a plan together or else i spilled all the tea last round for nothing which is worst case scenerio
yesterday was a lot. I went an apology tour to everyone involved in my blindside and honestly it was annoying. the fact that augusto basically got me to apologise to him on our call when he blindsided me was irritating, like he just let me sit there and take fault when the point of the call was for him to take accountability. talking to him is like talking to 2018 me, he has such social ability, but he just takes zero accountability and is just so infuriatingly wishy-washy. he is all of my worst attributes as a player rolled into one. i also... almost won immunity? which is crazy, but I just found yesterday and the way immunity played out so frustrating, but I've spoken about it enough in my host chat enough. just know i feel robbed, slighted and if I get rocked out this round when i should have immunity. i will throw a fuss again SAJDKFLAS. anyway so this vote is gonna be a mess. tj and autumn now have a blood feud, Kendall and jake came to a head this round. so that's four people whose name i hopefully am not their number #1 target, plus i don't think adam is targetting me? but this vote is going to be a mess, because it very very easily could be 4-4, where there is an idol on both sides of the trench. i have a gut feeling amir and his sock puppets are going to vote autumn. it makes sense, tj wants her gone and the beauties need him reeled in. so i think im going to have to idol autumn, but that is risky because if the 4 vote jake... im going to rocks, and if they vote me, im reliant on jake going to rocks. but i just wanna send all these people backing, especially augusto. amir i'm trying to shake him that me and him have to stick together, but i also could vote for him. i literally just want to make F7 and to vote someone who just voted me out. that is literally all i want. if i go home i will be literally devastated
So like… there’s the dream and there’s the harsh reality which is something this round really talk me. The dream is obviously me winning, making all these big moves, and doing THAT. However, my reality? Could very well be that people don’t see me as a winner at all and it makes me a little disappointed but I gotta prove them all wrong. The vote last round being Ali was honestly mostly my doing and I’m proud of that. My ideal boot order is Autumn/Ali then Jakey then Autumn/Ali and that is GOING to happen because I’m putting that into the universe. When it comes to Autumn and Ali, I would rather Ali go but I think the safest bet while still having a target leave would be Autumn. In a way too, I do know Amir wants Ali out moreso alongside Jakey but I wanna separate my game from Amir so yeah. Also Adam calling me a fake ass bitch even tho my drunk ass was telling him I liked him was a gag… but oh well.. Nothing grinds my gears more than people thinking I’m not being genuine with how I feel towards them but if that’s what he thinks, maybe that’s what he’ll get idk… i feel petty and mad for some reason over it… BUT ANYWAY, I just want to survive this vote. I hope Kendall doesn’t go but she also said she wants me to win over Amir so yay?
If I die, I just wanna say I regret nothing and I have full confidence that the right person will win this season. So not TJ, Augusto, or Amir lmaaaaooo. Amir entering the two time winner chat??? Over my dead fucking body. If there's one thing Imma do it's poison a jury
Ali or Autumn... who shall we vote? Stay tuned!
Is Jess really Canadian... stay tuned!
god. today is gonna be another nailbiter and i want to confess first. so the plan is to idol autumn and vote out kendall, which sucks because i do now like kendall. i just think its the safest way of avoiding them playing an idol i guess, i don't even know. i just am sick of fighting in this game every single round me and autumn have had to fight to make it past. the fact jake is throwing a fit in my pms becuase im not idoling him is infuriating because... i'd love to idol myself? like? anyway im over it. if i go home, i hope tj can finally stop his blind fixation on autumn and i, that augusto can actually be accountable for one entire thing, amir can stop his pity party and show awareness for his threat level and that kendall... well actually kendall is fine. i just feel like im a mum trying to get all my kids to fit in a minivan and to put their seatbelts on, like can they get it together.
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I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either.
me with biggest villian, biggest backstabber, thinks they are running the game, is running the game, and is gonna win at the end http://prntscr.com/ss4h5q
literally god demolished and brutalized worse than anyone in this game tonight in that touchy subjects yet I’m also the one comforting like half the tribe over their answers even tho I ADKWNWQJN WAS ATTACKT LIKE this cast literally thinks im a psychopath fjebwfjenkn but im not gonna play victim over my superlatives i just have to use this target on my back strategically
I want destruction AHHHHHHHHHHhhHhHhHhHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Okay so, they think me or Augusto have the idol, so they can vote kendall, to ensure our idol isn’t played and that me and Augusto and tj are forced into rocks, and im just like trying to get everyone to stop replying to ali cuz hes smart and he will psychoanalyze and figure out who to play the idol on and like he has to play it on autumn and not himself so pls pls pls kkjnkjenfs let this work
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all moongan
thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these
omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?
as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?
hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?
with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?
omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably
6: do you keep plants?
i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any
7: do you name your plants?
refer 2 6
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?
art??? i havent drawn in awhile
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
no LOL
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?
🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals
12: what’s your favorite planet?
the moon for no real reason
13: what’s something that made you smile today?
hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?
this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life
i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!
heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit
ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?
is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?
im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said
K: everything
E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?
goDD i dont but i sure want to
20: what’s your favorite eye color?
this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.
its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)
22: are you a morning person?
technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?
tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?
mmmm falens the closest to that
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?
my classroom
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
white converse?? i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?
i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here
28: sunrise or sunset?
sunset but i dont look outside enough for either
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?
hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her
with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?
ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.
listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao
33: what’s your fave pastry?
bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?
why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?
i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?
im listening 2 day6 so like day6
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those
38: tell us about your pet peeves!
aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk
(skip this if ur not fond of drama)
so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.
another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.
another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.
tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.
i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/
okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only
another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol
39: what color do you wear the most?
i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?
i dont wear jewelry rip
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?
challenger deep
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!
hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?
u cant see shit here sorry
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?
cant relate
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?
yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?
vegetables
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?
the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?
i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6
50: what’s an odd thing you collect?
boxes??? like containers????
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?
boxy and letting go by day6
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?
YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?
me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?
i literally havent been outside for 2 days
55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?
be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?
when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?
is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening
58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?
idk what either of those are but bell and boxy
59: what’s your favorite myth?
idk any
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?
anything that eunwoo has ever written
61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?
ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?
i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?
my books are all in shelves lads i just heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night
ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up
i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?
light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy
65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?
m not rly
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?
just. leaves maybe??
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?
Horror Movie
68: what’s winter like where you live?
oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes
69: what are your favorite board games?
i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o
70: have you ever used a ouija board?
im not ready for that kinda death
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?
english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?
ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy
73: what are some of your worst habits?
being lazy + procrastinating :-D
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.
okie :-o ..
they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks
they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao
im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!
75: tell us about your pets!
i have none but id die for boxys cats
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?
well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it
77: pink or yellow lemonade?
?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?
i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.
on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao
so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!
anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??
79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?
my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .
the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?
theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember
81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.
lava cake
82: are/were you good in school?
yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind
83: what’s some of your favorite album art?
all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?
back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?
im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?
idk what those r but sure
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?
big hero 6
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?
who wrote this whats up with these questions
i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice
89: are you close to your parents?
close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.
tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??
91: where do you plan on traveling this year?
japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?
BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese
93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?
um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?
bell
95: what are your plans for this weekend?
hopefully something useful
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?
i also click remind me tomorrow lmao
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?
infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)
98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?
uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body
99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.
currently......
when you love someone - day6
like we used to - the rose
crazy sexy cool - astro
death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance
if it means a lot to you - a day to remember
idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?
oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???
i know i have 2 choose but like
if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???
so i wouldnt go back to the past.
if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it
itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice
so my decision is to go to the future
thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao
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so i see theres some theory talk floating around
but this post isnt really to do with theories so much as characterization
i had a whole thread over on twitter but ill just copy and paste some thoughts here in regards to one particular post ive seen floating around and some posts linked within
im not trying to start fights or anything, im just expressing some thoughts of my own which is why im not linking to the post in question
anyways
just a reminder, keith isnt a good liar
so unless he became a good liar in the time that shiro was gone, i sincerely dont think he was lying to shiro when he told him that the team needed him
but whether or not he became a good liar or not, one thing is certain based on what weve been shown:
keith is a capable leader, but he still hasnt quite grown into the role yet
keith still hasnt quite learned how to pick his battles
thats why i dont think its quite right to say that hes more capable of a leader than shiro with time, he could be thats something even shiro himself saw in keith: potential
however something thats been made clear to us is that keith still needs to learn a little
shiro on the other hand, has experience being in a leader role
hes the garrisons golden boy, the pilot of the kerberos mission and he was the head of voltron for a reason
black chose him for a reason
he is capable
he is a role model for keith
keith tells shiro that the team needs him
that he cant do it and isnt as good of a leader as shiro because its what he believes to be true
keith is honest and straightforward
he knows hes lacking and he doesnt try to pretend that hes a perfect leader
he KNOWS hes still struggling between doing what he WANTS to do and doing what he SHOULD do - with accepting that the things he wants to do arent necessarily good for the team to be doing
hes grown immensely in the time he has been leader, but hes not the leader they need to defeat lotor
not the way he is right now
and he KNOWS that
as for shiro... i can agree that maybe leading voltron gave him control
something that hed been robbed of in his captivity
but i also dont think that hes the type to really let things like betrayal or jealousy or whatever cloud his vision
shiro from the start has always seemed to put their purpose before himself
hes never given the impression of being a selfish enough person to have issues over who the leader is
he seems more likely to be the type to think 'if this is what it takes, well do it this way'
i think hes being genuine when he says hes glad the team didnt lose sight of things in his absence
because thats just how he is
hes glad that his absence didnt become their undoing because hes only one person
winning the war means saving a lot more than that
hes proud of them for that because thats shiro
thats what hes like
selfless but driven
not once has he ever complained about being thrust into this war even though hes got more than enough reasons to complain
because he sees this mission and he knows its for the greater good
he knows first hand how bad it can be he wants to spare people from that
its like hes selfless to a fault
so i dont think he actually has any issues with feeling left out or feeling as though hes the odd one out from the team
if that were really the case, i dont think hed guide from the castle as easily as he is
theres no reservations or hesitation he doesnt seem to think 'im not part of this anymore' so much as 'im part of this, but in a different way from usual'
keith is so willing to step aside for shiro because ultimately he still believes wholeheartedly that shiro is most suited to lead
keith has never cared about claiming or holding onto the leader position
now in the interest of explaining why i dont think the reasons the OP of the post mentioned that make shiro a bad leader dont actually make shiro a bad leader, i addressed each reason individually so
1) in regards to when shiro tries to carry lance outside after lance protects coran from the bomb
why does he do it? well its not a good idea to leave an injured teammate alone, for one
for two, if the explosion was within the castle, its pretty reasonable to think the castle isnt safe either
ultimately, while the castle is big, you dont want to be cornered in the very place that the galra are likely to infiltrate
what are the galra after? the lions
where are the lions? in the castle
where will the galra be going then? the castle
so where do you not want to be with your injured teammate? the castle
not to mention, without the crystal, the castle is generally nonfunctional
the chances of lance being okay are ultimately greater if shiro gets him out of the castle
at least, its a risk shiro is willing to take
why tell pidge to come back when shiro will have the easier time getting lance to safety? not to mention shiro is already there with him
its not like he could tell when exactly pidge would be done sending coran and hunk off
theres also no telling how long it would take for pidge to get to them
its not a wise decision to just stay put inside the enemies main target while knowing the team was so separated
tell allura to come back? let keith check the arusian village by himself? thats not a smart idea either we know that it was ruse to separate them, but the team didnt know that at the time
dramatic irony
so from shiros perspective, its better if allura and keith go to the arusian village together because at least they have an ally to watch their backs in the event that something is wrong
you dont hear that a village is under attack and assume it wont be dangerous
safety in numbers
2) regarding shiro and his decisions about when to fight and when not to fight
its worth mentioning that first and foremost, shiro never makes a decision that he doesnt wait for the others inputs on
hes not the type to force them to do something if the majority disagrees with his decisions
but a very important thing about being a leader is knowing when to choose your battles
this is especially emphasized in s3 however, whether to fight or retreat hasnt always necessarily been dependent on whether the odds are in their favour or not
one such exception is when they decided to take on zarkons command center
shiro knew that keith was right when he said theyd be bringing zarkon exactly what he wants
he wasnt ignoring him
shiro was the one who said himself that the odds would be against them
even in season 1 it isnt as though he suddenly changed his mind
what changed was that they had allura
and allura is a lot more than just a part of the team
shes the altean princess
shes the true leader of the entire damn war
shes too important for them to lose
things they lose if they lose allura?
- the ability to wormhole, thus reducing their mobility by a great deal
- a key figurehead in the war and the person who best handles the talks and meetings with the other planets
not to mention that she has powers all of them lack, including coran
someone like that isnt exactly easily replaced
shiro said it himself when the others reminded him he was the one who said they shouldnt take on zarkons central command at first
they had no choice but to attack zarkons command center
they had to try because, the way he probably saw it, the war was as good as lost if they didnt save allura anyways
in s2 when zarkon manages to keep finding them, keith says they can fight
that they should fight
(this is actually considered a flaw that he needs to overcome, and is addressed in s3 - he needs to learn to choose his battles)
but shiro says that they dont stand a chance against zarkon and his entire fleet
again, he didnt just suddenly change his mind
and hes not being hypocritical in any way
he explains why they cant because keith doesnt know how to pick his battles yet
they pull back, because shiro doesnt yet see a chance for them to come out of the battle victoriously
theyre not prepared yet
later when shiro says that they will be attacking, its different
its on their terms
its not him listening to keith because he suddenly saw an error in his own judgement or whatever
this is shiro acknowledging that there is an advantage to be gained this way
they have a chance here that isnt more likely to leave them all dead
thats called picking your battles
shiro isnt a bad leader for it
in fact, its exactly what will make keith a better leader in s3
3) regarding shiro and keith and leadership
shiro does not have 'a lot of nerve' to tell keith that he has to control his emotions if hes going to lead
shiro is well aware of the fact that sometimes, when youre put into a position where youre responsible for not just yourself, but a whole team of people, you cant let your judgement be clouded by emotions
sometimes the things you have to do are not always the things you want to do
its true that keith is rational and can make smart decisions, but in the context of when shiro says this to keith its because he acknowledges that keith still lets emotions cloud his vision sometimes
and the scene prior was one of those times
you cant lash out at your team
you have to talk to them properly
thats the kind of thing shiro is trying to have keith understand
(and for the record, the decision to attack zarkons command center was not a decision that seemed to be based on emotion. at the time they attacked, shiro was not aware of the control zarkon still had over the black lion, so he couldnt have been scared of that
and sure he might have been scared about what would happen to himself, to allura, to the team, but it was a risk they had to take because allura is too crucial to their mission - thats not an emotional decision its a smart one)
but hes not saying "dont be like me" to keith when he says keith has to control his emotions
hes saying this because he acknowledges that keith has potential but he also acknowledges that his potential is still hindered by things that keith needs to work on and overcome
also, keith going against zarkon was not emotionally driven
it was more likely keiths idea of a way to gain a huge advantage in the war
no emperor to lead automatically means that the opposing side is weakened substantially
it wasnt necessarily the right thing to do either
keith had no idea of what zarkon was capable of
(pick your battles - going in blind isnt exactly advisable and coran even TELLS him not to do it. coran has been shown to have known more, which is a given considering he was present 10000 years ago)
also shiro doesnt have blind faith in keith
for a long time now, canon has been hinting that shiro and keith have a backstory
shiro knows keith better than anyone else because the rescue from the garrison was very clearly not their first meeting ("its good to have you back", “its good to be back”)
also the insinuation that shiro is not fit to lead because he has ptsd... yikes
i dont think i need to elaborate on why exactly that implication is yikes-worthy
its true that keith displays leadership potential early on in the show
but this doesnt necessarily mean that shiro isnt a good leader and that keith is automatically better
shiro isnt perfect, but hes a great leader
canon has told us time and time again that keith has to grow into the role
(also the reason keith follows shiro and not the other way around: shiro changed his life. shiro is a positive person in his life and keith both trusts and relies on him because shiro didnt give up on him. this is why he follows shiro)
shiro doesnt "hold him back"
shiros done nothing but push keith forward and support him
keith would be insulted if someone thought shiro was any less than his biggest supporter
(”if it wasnt for you, my life would have been a lot different”, “shiro is the only person who didnt give up on me - i wont give up on him”)
shiro showing keith reason and explaining why they cant follow through on some of the things keith wants to do isnt "holding him back"
its true keith sees a lot of good stuff in shiro but the same is true for shiro to keith
its mutual
and shiro tells keith he wants him to lead voltron not because he doesnt want keith to follow him and wants to follow keith instead
he tells keith this because shiro acknowledges that sometimes in war, things happen
he could die and hes had some close calls
he wants keith to lead because he knows he can trust keith to lead the team
he knows that if keith leads, even if hes gone the team will be left in capable hands
hes been trying to nurture that
4) in regards to keith stopping pidge from leaving and shiro stopping keith
keith is right about pidge putting two people over the universe
however
shiro is right about how you cant force people to be part of the team
you dont nurture bonds that way
you dont build a team that way
why?
how do you expect to build a functioning team if a member is reluctant to be part of it
personally speaking, when i dont want to do something i dont end up doing the thing as well as i could be and im unhappy doing the thing the whole time
thats not good for the team
shiro knows this and so, if pidges mind really cant be changed, he wont force her to stay
also, paladins can be replaced and im sure shiro knows that
considering when they first met allura, she asked them what happened to the blue lions paladin
they know there were paladins before
they know that they are not the first
they are not the only paladins
it wouldve set them back, but if they really needed to, theyd look for a new green paladin to take pidges place
you cant fight a war with someone who isnt willing to fight a war
also to say that shiro doesnt care about finding the holts as much is just..
first of all, weve established that shiro puts their purpose first
im more sure that he wants to find them and just knows they dont have the time to put all their focus on finding two people when a universe is at stake
whether they have to find a new green paladin hinges on pidge, but hes not going to force her to stay
besides, forcing someone to stay and fight a war... it doesnt sound like a good idea, ultimately
keiths heart is in the right place and he has the right idea, but theres more to being a leader than telling people what to do
its a job that requires understanding, especially for the people within the team
its true it wouldve been dangerous for pidge, but shiro is a recently escaped captive from the galra empire
this, in addition to who he seems to be as a person... i think the last thing he wants to do is keep someone somewhere against their will and force them into doing something
and shiro telling keith he wants him to lead wasnt him trying to force the role on keith
he was trying to give voltron the biggest winning chance in the event that he would be unable to lead them (for obvious reasons considering theyre fighting a war)
and thats about everything i have to say
but im just leaving these here to organize some of those thoughts
its kind of a mess but i tried to address everything i order as best as i could
#voltron#shiro#keith#meta#for lack of a better term#idk what to call this#but i wanna have a place i can easily access it so thats as good as any#cmei rambles
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