#im made for that. i need that.
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i thinkk that a huge part of why im so deeply unhappy is bc im a girl who is supposed to and needs to have a girl bestie - my other half. ever since i was a kid i've always had a girl friend who was my other half and who i talked to and hung out with every single day. now when i dont have that, and when it's also been 6 years since my last friendship like that, i feel profoundly lost and alone. i need another woman close to me who i love and can anchor myself in. who is my compass, my stars, my solid ground. lacking the love, support, comfort, loyalty and security of a strong and forceful love and friendship with another woman, i feel incomplete and lonely and unhappy. like something fundamentally important to the essence of my being is missing. and it completely messes with me on every level of my life.
#u can blab on abt 'u need to feel complete withing urself' blah blah fkn blah#idc and i think you're wrong bc every person is different#we and our brains work in different way#ways*#regardless if you wanna sit there and say uhhh this is wrong! this is bad! this is unhealthy!#yeah blah blah it doesnt matter what you say or think. things just are the wY they are#and i dont give a single flying fuck if i 'should' learn how to cope blab blahhhhh#i WANT and NEED a female friend like this in my life#and as long as i dont have one i am incomplete. even if some ppl wanna whine abt how toxic that is#i am not complete by myself and can only be completed with a woman who im bffs with#it's like somewhere between besties and lovers. bc even if theres some sort of homoerotic energy#i dont want nor need it to be romantical love bc thats not strong enough and idk#idk i cant explain but it's just that very highly specific friendship women can have w eo#im made for that. i need that.#i've been thinking abt my past life and friends a lot lately#and i just realized this today#there has been gaps before but most of my life i've had a close girl bestie like this#last time was 6yrs ago after high school#and since then it's been so bad. im deeply unhappy without that bond in my life
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guys hot uquiz was just discovered but I'm taking it about 100 yrs too late. anyways everyone share how wifeable you are.
THE WIFE RATING SCALE 1929
#THIS IS SO FREAKING FUNNY TO ME...#i am completely unwifeable by 1929s standards#anyways im such a catch... any takers? 💅#this is stupid#i HAVE to know whether the nail polish question added or subtracted from your total wife rating#i LOVE red nail polish i NEED to know if that would have made me slutty in 1929
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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yknow i dont go here but sometimes i gotta go: seriously respect clowns. they have the worst pop culture representation in the world and also the best most thorough honor code. they're just here to be silly little guys who bring joy and are very conscientious about doing so responsibly. let them to their merriment in peace you dont hafta take potshots. i dont go here but like maybe i should, you all seem super chill
#my posts#im mad bc i saw a clown knight adoptable which fascinated me as a concept and then someone bought him and made him evil :(#thats so. boring. its SO BORING IM SORRY THERES A COOL CONCEPT IN THERE BUT THATS THE BORING WAY#maybe ill make my OWN oath of clowning paladin someday#...wait that's actually GOTTA be a dnd subclass somebody's made at some point#anyway also the occasional YouTuber taking potshots and being mean like you dont need to do that theyre just minding their own business :(#we should all strive to be sillier and weirder and more kind forever
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LET HIM GOOO
#lol#me when i forgot to post#i made this like a month ago idk#i need to draw more but im busy with commissions and stuff#my art#oc art#wgd#digital art#art#drawing#character design#digital painting#artists on tumblr#monster oc#monster art#monster design#creature art#creature design#werewolf
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Me: "hey game developers, especially AAA ones, are getting laid off en-mass and it's awful for our industry"
Gamer: "well I only play INDIE games and the problem with AAA games is they are creatively bankrupt"
Me, slamming my fists on the table like a baby: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IS ABOUT A BUSINESS PROBLEM PERPETUATED BY CAPITALISM NOT A STATEMENT ON CREATIVE DECISION MAKING"
#look I think AAA should make weirder games also but I wish we stopped treating that like some kind of solution and not just a fun idea#the problem is capitalism. its always capitalim#its not like AAA studios would have less problems if they made weird indie games lol#also hey spoiler alert: indie studios need to organize their labour too#in fact I think the organizing movement would be stronger if more indies adopted it first#anyway im busy so imma mute some posts now#thoughts#blog
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stede bunnet
#no thoughts just ed and his emotional support bunny#i felt like a genius coming up with stede bunnet this better make you laugh#because im still giggling over it#praying that his name is anything close to this because i need it#fun fact my bunny who sadly passed away in 2020 looked exactly like the one ed adopts and it made me cry a bit seeing that scene#her name was soe and I changed my username for her#she was the most prcious baby she got me through all the hardships#so I believe stede bunnet can do that for ed too#ofmd#ofmd 2#our flag means death#our flag means death 2#ofmd fanart#edward teach#taika waititi#blackbeard#ofmd 2 fanart#my art#digital art
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As much as i love Dungeon Meshi, i do think that given Ryoko Kui's attention to realistic worldbuilding there ought to be a companion series called Dishes Meshi where they spend 2hrs washing and drying and packing away. Alll the goddamnfuck dishes they just made
#EVERY TIME i make something even slightly fancy for dinner im like#HOW ARE YOU WASHING ALL THOSE DISHES IN A DUNGEON ?? DO Y'ALL REALLY ONLY USE 1 BIG PAN?? HOW?#where is Chilchuck being like 'jfc Laios‚ you couldn't have let this bowl soak while we made the gyoza?? now it's all dried on...'#where is Marcille going 'Ok gang. We need to stop somewhere soon to wash each of our 2 outfits. and our 173 dishtowels'#On second thought maybe Marcille just does it all with magic which makes me mad fucking jealous#if this is already covered somewhere in the Adventurer's Handbook or the later manga chapters I'll feel real dumb but Ah Well#dungeon meshi
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IT'S FINALLY FUCKING DONE. I'M FINALLY FREE
UNTIL FRAUD COMES OUT
Tumblr shrinks it down pretty bad so please. please. I am begging you. look at the full sized image and zoom in. This art piece made my friends worried for my mental health I need someone to witness the amount of detail and effort I put into this
also the original sketch under the cut bc I think comparing them is really funny
#my art#ultrakill#stained glass art#gabriel ultrakill#this is one of those art pieces that made me feel like i had a parasitic fungus controlling my brain#one of those art pieces that's gonna require recovery time. i feel like a demon was just expelled from my body#i need to go eat an apple or stand in a river for a little while#i already said it but please. please zoom in on the full sized version#i love this game so much#i just hope i don't hate this by the time its finished lmao#im probably gonna have to adjust the color balance a bit when fraud/treachery come out but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it
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pegoryu valentine :3
#p5#persona 5#persona 5 royal#ryuji sakamoto#sakamoto ryuji#pegoryu#persona 5 protagonist#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#i made this last year LOL#sorry for not posting </3 i forget#idk when i'll post again</3#but beleive in me ... please.... its all i have...#i just finished a big assignment in uni im so tired#i typed 5000 words in two hours#anyways i like pegoryu ryuji would bounce his leg when hes nervous#i need to replay p5 games at some point tbh the motivation isn't there for p5 anymore sad emoji
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Despite everything, it's still you.
#kieran#pokemon#sorry i know this is badly formatted but i only really made it for personal reasons but then thought hey maybe someone else might need this#yes im sorry the first image having a different outfit bugs me so much but it's the only one i had in my screenshots with that expression#why am i even saying sorry JUST TAKE THIS IF YOU LIKE IT and if you don't... bye#hello if you're reading the tags
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Kieran my baby boy. someone take him to a therapist please
#pokemon#pokemon scarlet violet#pokemon sv#kieran#pokemon kieran#idk the pokemon tags help#I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD FOR ME when do i ever get invested in a pkmn character#but listen#it's kieran#he's so interesting i got the dlc cuz of him#drew these far apart from each other#Im so happy he and mc made up in the end like i'd have cried if they didn't or if kieran was still angry aaa#his hair is so hard to draw help#no he is not a brainrot i won't allow it i NEED to be in my danstelle era#pokemon scarlet violet teal mask#pokemon sv teal mask#pokemon scarlet violet indigo disk#pokemon sv indigo disk#pokemon scarlet violet dlc#pokemon sv dlc#used a vpn to post bc tumblr's blocked here help HAHA
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happy birthday silver!!
#fun fact: i hate doing bday art but this was NEEDED. i was a woman possessed. this groovy fucked me UP#groovy was made in a lab specifically for me. im SICK im DESTROYED its so good. he fucking sweeps. we win#i need silver to stab the painting and be so upset abt it i need the Tension i AUGHHHHHH#silver i love u. i wanted him to touch the frame at first like gentle ponder vibes#but its a museum thats against the RULES. i have licked a statue at a museum but silver wouldnt break rules like that#anywho. im on mobile but i saw i have an ask so i gotta reply tmrw. ty to the anon for ur patience and thoughts i rly appreciate it#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#suntails
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My Sam & Max cosplay I debuted at a local con during the weekend!
#wasnt wearing leg padding in these so sorry sams a bit skinny#sam and max#cosplay#crunchchute art#my art#i could remake the pants and jacket entirely but that would be quite hard actually. i suck at making jackets especially#so those are just thrifted and edited#lots of color differences that bug me but. oh well#pants and jacket arent that different but its noticeable in these pics#as well as maxs hands and feet. theyre slightly lighter as the fabric i used is better quality#but i ran out of the stuff i used on his body etc and i couldnt buy more from that store as they took their sweet time shipping the stuff#oh well. didnt make them for a competition so its okay#im my own biggest hater and my own biggest critic#at the end of the day i made a handful of people really happy and thats all that matters to me#gotta share them every chance i get as i usually just make a cos#wear it to the con and then put it on the shelf#but im too happy with these to just hide them away after#they need a good scrub and after that id like to bring them to another con. next main goal is viecc but thats just a maybe right now
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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getting used to domestic life
#ethan winters#karl heisenberg#wintersberg#resident evil#resident evil fanart#rebhfun#resident evil village#resident evil 8#re8#karl does not know how to deal with his feelings#“sorry u feel like u needed a apology”#LOOOL#noo hes not that bad#karl doesnt seem like the type of guy to apologize#i dont think hed ever say it verbally#hes too arrogant and stubborn for that#he WOULD make ethan something as a spology#im sorry we argued i made u a attachable turret that will kill everyone u dont like
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