#im just tired of it all I just want to feel/be liked and loved ig | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

echo-s-land · 4 days

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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

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dandyshucks · 3 months

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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;･∀･)

#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE #it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it #and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl #but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum #I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked #alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray #i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not #im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired #i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on #i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well #im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps #i do not have high hopes fjfkdl #MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl #i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit #augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl #dandy.cmd #vent //

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platonic-qpr-selfshipping · 5 months

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I'm having one of those "I wish I could just be part of the Astral Express crew" moments

#rambling rambling rambling #i know being part of the astral express would have its own challenges and all but #sometimes i wish i could just be there and suddenly feel safe #i like everyone in the crew so much and I guess anyone in it can bring me comfort somehow so #I crave being accepted and I believe they would do it with no doubt nor hesitation #and my honkai s/i being probably the most similar to me s/i makes it even easierrr for me to wish to be there #because that's basically me #being there and being supported and living happily and having others to rely on nearby and being themself and being loved for it and and #and i want that #ugh the struggle #Welt pls come home #ive had a long evening and tomorrow i'll have a long morning idk what im saying at this point im just tired #i just wanna exist peacefully ig #no rush no judgement no negative expectations #also I wanna share blankets with March and Dan Heng #and Stelle too I love her but almost never add her in my imagines because I think I would join the crew before her soooo i havent thought+#much about meeting trailblazer and all of that as my s/i #I wanna be in the Astral Express so bad #I wanna look at the stars and share blankets as we continue our eternal travel #together #as nothing more nor less than family #im so tired #n is talking #vent #ig?#cw vent #tw vent

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aro-ortega · 3 months

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i think it would be funny if in the future daniel + julia try to convince sasja to give polyamory/them as a throuple a shot

#like a reversal of step talking them into a being a triad in retri #been a while since ive played and definitely since ive played a chargeflystep run so. not confident in my memory #i just thknk it would be neat ! funny !#sasja still hates julia but. she knows now. and he knows that she knows. and thats not the reason she didnt save him #he still hates her for that hates her for leaving him. but. he also knows now that hes done much worse so. shrug #and in some runs he does accidentally drug-addledly confess to still being in love w her #and ! hes going to therapy and he does take it serious ! he can be difficult and lash out but. he does listen to what finch has to say #(and is willing to Work on things and like. have therapy Homework post retri)#and he wants. he doesnt want to be this (terror) anymore. he went to far he can see that now daniel made him see that. he wants to be.#something. better ? less murderous. less violent ig. i think he just doesnt want to hurt daniel again but. theres lots that could hurt him #anyway ! all that to also say - daniel is (supposedly) very perceptive and even tho hes not in the room when sasja confesses to julia #i dont think it would be hard for him to figure out that sasja misses julia (he still hangs out with her. even tho hes told her to fuck off #fuck off a thousand times) and ? maybe he would see or feel that theres still something there between them and #and idk. maybe daniel and ortega talk. maybe sasja and his romantic past w julia comes up. maybe ortega is like. it is what it is hes #hes clearly in love with you anyway so... but ? maybe......#idk ! im tired ! forgot where im going w this. idk how they get there but. maybe the float the idea by sasja. see if he would be willing to #to give julia another shot #(this came about bc i was thinking about how its funny that he + milo (+ vanya) are polyamorous but while milo #milo is dating as many people as she can sasja is just dating one person rn. i just think the contrast is funny)#sasja x daniel x julia #sasja jespersen #op #fh #sasja x julia #sasja x daniel

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lusalemaart · 11 months

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dooo tle. scrible.

#i. am on my seishin shit rn. seishit. i. cannot stop. thinking about him.#oh my god. so far im keeping up with posting my shit. woah. mostly bc ig locked me out actually but. whatever #....sittin on a mountain top well above the clouds i dont feel lik e im about todrop hanging in the palace i dont harbor any malice imma be #n up in the slums imma been up in that palace im INFINITY sacred geometry living SIM PA LY universe aligned i feel the SYNERGY #thats why they call me temple PRIEST mother FUCKA #....i...dont think you trusyt. in. my . self righteous su #i #cide #i. cry #.......#when angels deserve to DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE #I digress #muroi seishin #shiki #alright back on my unpriv grind aaaaaahhhhhh #seishin muroi #must i try anymore i really dont want to render i just want to scribble #i really do. im tired.#actually im not done i have more thoughts. sorry gotta talk a lot. but.#i just love seishin so much. i love sunako being like HMMM sobota seems perfect. i like the authors works. i bet hes all fucked up.#judging by the way he writes he sounds AWFUL and DEPLORABLE and REVOLTING to the EYES #and then she sees him for the first time and is just like Oh you're just a Guy. You're just a regular old Dude.#makes you wonder just what exactly his published works look like #love that. emo little lad.#on the outside i am fine. on the inside i am... god why have you forsaken me.

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yamikawaii · 2 months

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i wanna go home i wanna be with yoomiee

#im rlly sleepy and just thinking #theres nowhere thats ever rlly felt like ''home'' to me even the house i lived in for the first 18 years of my life even the one i do now #ig bc in both of them and in any other place ive been i was never rlly a priority i was just.someone existing there #ive never rlly been anyones Equal.may be an inferiority complex but it feels like sinking and ive never known what its like to not feel it #i just feel the inherent knowledge that im below everyone else at all times idk #but i like to imagine me and yoomtah as Equal no matter what kinda actual enhancements she has as a cyborg we're on the same level #bc i think the only way i'll feel ''home'' is by being acknowledged as something that is Not inferior #as something that deserves a place to exist comfortably without feeling entirely alienated and lost #and i can kinda imagine what itd feel like when i envision her and i together #with the exact same love and respect for each other just being comfortable together feeling At Home with each other #its warm and comforting but it doesnt feel like much more than an idea bc ive never rlly had it for real #also im aware that irl me wouldnt be equal to her at all bc she can do Everything and iiiiiiii Cant do anything ever #but my si aka realer-than-irl me has cool magical girl powers and has killed for her multiple times so its fineeeeeeeeeee #i would be unstoppable if this vessel i was placed in could shoot heart shaped lasers but alas #does any of this even make any sense jm rlly tired and just rambling abt yoomtah As usual #i want to go home i want her to take me home

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soldier-poet-king · 2 years

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At all times there is a child in my head banging pots and pans together desperately wailing 'UNLOVED! UNLOVED! UNLOVED!'

#franposting #the child is louder theyre harder to ignore sometimes #like when ive been thinking abt love and faith and guilt and redemption and desire and pride and romance and everything too much #its not true. maybe. my few friends care in a distant way. my family cares as well as theyre able i suppose #im just. I'm not loved in the way(s) i want to be #and sometimes im tired of carrying burdens i pretend i dont even have #im tired or being brave and strong and determined all on my own #its for the shire sure. but im tired and often it doesnt feel like it has a point #im tired of life dragging me over hot coals and pretending it's something i chose for myself #it makes it easier sometimes. that self deception. but its ultimately untrue #i am so weak and afraid and lonely #i can only romanticize the solo burdens and duties and obligations and lonelt sad heroes for so long before i crack #all my heroes die all alone. tswift was right. the archer is rlly it #im going to bed. ill deal with this tmrw. probably badly. but oh well it's rhe weekend #cant go work it off at the gym bc pain hasnt passed. will be a few days still #so ill just. stew ig

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onlyhuis · 11 months

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oh thaaaat ask... yeah i recall now hehehe i'm weirdly honored that i have a brand.. also i think i sent u an ask or two that i didn't sign off cause i was worried you'd get tired of me shshfbf so i honestly have no idea what i've sent u... anyways i can't stop thinking of brutal mean brat tamer hao suddenly switching it up one day when you brat at him and he goes "oh, i'm not tying you up because i trust you to be well behaved ^_^ you're so good, baby, i love you so much ^_^" and it surprises u so much that you actually do behave ... and maybe also slip into subspace 💤

SCREAMS OH MY GOD... switch!hao but instead of switching roles or positions it's him switching from hard dom to soft dom. like the contrast is so stark from how he is normally that even though it could be the most vanilla missionary in the world, it feels just as intense as the nights where he's got you tied to the bed with a vibrator and nipple clamps on you. they're both extremes but they're so different from each other that they're both equally pleasurable. extremes in a good way yk 🫠 and both times you just get to sit there and let him take care of you, whether it's punishment for being a brat or praise for being oh so well behaved for him

#[💌] — asks #💤 anon #[📮] — hard thots #[💟] — minghao #i will never ever get tired of interaction of any kind hehe u can fill my inbox all day and night if u want i love it 🫶#if i dont answer it immediately it probably means im gonna write it so if u dont hear from me then dw im just Pondering it hehe #i havent really written subspace explicitly before?? but i think it would be fun to really delve deep into #its vaguely implied in a lot of my fics just bc i have experience w it personally so ig it subconsciously comes out in my writing #sometimes i feel like all my fics are exactly the same aksjgdfs theyre pretty much the same handful of kinks reused in different ways #the stuff i like is Very obvious in my writing 😶‍🌫️#ANYWAY im off on a tangent again. i WILL be writing that other ask and i WILL make it crazy #and u are welcome in my inbox anytime u want beloved <33

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astrxealis · 1 year

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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways #humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good #and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up #leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that #me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies #pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm #yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice #and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since #christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure #which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata #and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing #ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that #im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk #and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my #personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am #and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS #anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends #as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho #that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so #sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like #we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids #but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone #who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways #OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years

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#diary #personal #disordered eating #hm. i really wonder why i partake in all these bad habits. Hah. i make it sound like im sampling fine wine and cheeses #hm hm hm. please pass me the merlot darling would you please? oh be a dear and pass the the 6 month munster. oh isnt this just to die for!#hahaha. but seriously though. a lot of the things i do arent quite easily explained.#self harm #drugs tw #like ill be the first to admit i likely am addicted to some extent to self harm. does that mean all these other behavior are that basically #or are they seprate things. tho that seems unlikely.#like. i want to starve myself yes. but it sorta seems frivolous in a way? like i like the idea in theory. but not so much in reality.#i do love food. but im picky. i want only certain things at certain times. and often im just tired of eating.#and idk. i like the idea of being thin. but that doesnt mean ill push it that far. im happy so long as i maintain really.#in the end i feel no need to exersise or even restrict that much. i cant be bothered tbh. im too lazy. for better or for worse really.#alcohol #even weed and alcohol. theyre not really an addiction. well. weed could become one ig?#but really its to making existing more bareable. idk. things get too much and weed really just. quiets everything down.#and by god does it ever help my fuckinh pain.#alcohol id probably partake in more if it wasnt for the stomach issues it causes me. thats the only reason i stopped.#and while id be theoretical into trying other things to bide my time. i just dont really care? cant be bothered to really.#idk. in the end all these behaviours always seem likeexpressions of other things to me.#thats why all in all im quite reluctant to claim theyre a disorder or an addiction or anything.#in the end theyre something i rely on when i cant deal with it anymore. and sometimes thats a bit too frequently #im just bored sometimes too ig. but that boredom just causes everything else to spiral too.#even me not eating. i dont like pain and the nausea that comes if you dont eat for too long. but by god does food disgust me sometimes #not much to do about it really. or at least im not sure what to do. all in all i think ive sorta given up on everything?#its sorta pitiful to say so but i really have. i just. dont wanna deal with any of this anymore so i gave up in the end.#not much to be done when you just cant do anything. haha. if i even knew where to start i probably would.#but all in all i just go around in circles. and ive sorta forgotten my values and any sense of self.#this has happened before. when i was younger. im used to it. and idk. thats sorta why im taking a laxidasical attitude.

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therubyjailcell · 2 years

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woke up at 5 to catch the train at 7, slept like, 3h and a half, maybe 3h45, but hey, i got my music, a can of monster and i can watch out the window, so i think it's a cool morning actually

#i love being on the train #it's genuinely one of my favourite things #i love looking through the window as we move #especially when we get to the parts where there's nothing but the countryside #the whole. preparing to travel and everything around it is hella stressful #but i like being on the train itself #the car never feels quite like that for some reason #anyway yk im tired when i ramble abt smth like that ig XD #v talks too much #but tbh that's smth ik happens a lot but i know exactly how all of my OCs would be like while in the train #so maybe there's smth there XD #maybe it's bc we dont have a car so im just so used to traveling by train #part of me does kinda want one of my friends to wake up too so i can talk to someone tho XD

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airbenderedacted · 2 years

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Genuine question- why don’t you just delete Twitter? :0

as of two(?) years ago or smthn i'd officially blocked and befriended enough people on there for me to REALLY ENJOY being on twitter

SO LIKE being locked out is like this hjdnmnbghsHJDNBNds