#all my heroes die all alone. tswift was right. the archer is rlly it
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At all times there is a child in my head banging pots and pans together desperately wailing 'UNLOVED! UNLOVED! UNLOVED!'
#franposting#the child is louder theyre harder to ignore sometimes#like when ive been thinking abt love and faith and guilt and redemption and desire and pride and romance and everything too much#its not true. maybe. my few friends care in a distant way. my family cares as well as theyre able i suppose#im just. I'm not loved in the way(s) i want to be#and sometimes im tired of carrying burdens i pretend i dont even have#im tired or being brave and strong and determined all on my own#its for the shire sure. but im tired and often it doesnt feel like it has a point#im tired of life dragging me over hot coals and pretending it's something i chose for myself#it makes it easier sometimes. that self deception. but its ultimately untrue#i am so weak and afraid and lonely#i can only romanticize the solo burdens and duties and obligations and lonelt sad heroes for so long before i crack#all my heroes die all alone. tswift was right. the archer is rlly it#im going to bed. ill deal with this tmrw. probably badly. but oh well it's rhe weekend#cant go work it off at the gym bc pain hasnt passed. will be a few days still#so ill just. stew ig
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