#im fucking screaming over this whole series and how it destroyed my emotions
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I’m Caught Up With Bloom Into You
Gosh, where do I even begin with this series?
I watched the first episode, and by the end, honestly, I thought it was going to be pretty dumb. Cute! But dumb. And I do love me some dumb cute precious romance.
But W O W that’s not what Yagakimi is. It successfully pulls of an excellent bait-and-switch on the reader/viewer not just once but twice--the first is at the end of the first episode (the part where I assumed it was going to be kind of cheesy and dumb), and the second around halfway through the anime series. The first one is basically the premise of the story, so it doesn’t really count as a bait-and-switch unless you go in blind like I did. But the second one takes all of the reader/viewer’s expectations up to that point and turns it on its head. And even beyond that scene, the entire series is chock full of moments that demolish your expectations for what direction the story is taking and who the characters are. Every single chapter I felt like I was being thrown for a loop, and learning something unexpected and new about the characters. Even up to the most recent damn chapter I feel like I have no idea what Nakatani-sensei is going to throw at us. And all of this is me making a point that this manga is DEEP.
I could talk at length about how gorgeous the anime is, how well-directed certain scenes are, how incredible the Japanese voice acting was (didn’t see the dub, but if anyone can carry Touko’s emotional range it’s the fabulous Luci Christian so I’m sure it’s decent), or how much I stan Michiru Ooshima. It was a great adaptation and I sincerely can’t wait for Season 2. But I’m not going to talk much about that. Instead I just need to talk about the story (the manga).
(spoilers up through Chapter 39)
You know what one of the many great things about Yagakimi is? In spite of the fact that it deals with same-gender relationships and queer issues, and while it does periodically address those issues, they’re actually not the primary focus of the characters or their struggles. From day one, Yuu is much less concerned about Touko being a girl than she is about her own inability to feel anything towards her (supposedly). And that’s not to say that those issues are ignored, like they are in some anime of this particular genre. The characters don’t live in a paradisiacal vacuum where being gay in Japan isn’t a problem and everyone around them is magically super accepting. Yuu’s sister is incredibly sweet and accepting (I love her), but her dad makes casual homophobic comments. Even after Touko initially confesses to Yuu, Yuu brushes it off as something she “probably doesn’t have to worry about” because they’re both girls, and it’s weird. Riko Hakazaki has to hide from her students, coworkers, and workplace, that she’s living with her girlfriend, because it could cause legitimate problems for her if they knew. During Sayaka’s first lesbian relationship, when she is still figuring herself out, her own girlfriend tells her that it’s “just a phase” and that she’s sorry that she “made her” that way. Even much later, when Yuu is conflicted about how she should confess her feelings to Touko, her sister Rei immediately assumes (understandably so) that she’s conflicted because of the whole gay thing. Rei starts worrying about how the family will react, if they will be accepting and supportive of her sister. Little does she know, being gay is the least of Yuu’s problems at that point.
But is being gay and the societal backlash that comes with it really that inconsequential to Yuu’s story? Yuu Koito struggles to develop romantic or sexual feelings for anyone. She exhibits clear signs of depression--intense apathy, emotional repression, struggles to find genuine joy in anything. A lot of people have posited even that she exhibits signs of sexual repression specifically. And this is one of the core conversations we can have about Yuu’s character. How much of her “inability to love” is because she is legitimately somewhere on the ace spectrum, perhaps demisexual (she develops feelings after getting to know someone, to put it simply)? And how much of it is her unconsciously repressing her own feelings (perhaps homosexual) for her entire life, resulting in a scenario where even she doesn’t know how to get them back? There isn’t a clear answer here. No one knows. Yuu doesn’t even know. And that’s the point!
The characters. Are so. Good. Yuu, Touko, and Sayaka are the obvious powerhouses here, all three of them multi-layered people that I can and will analyze at length. But Yagakimi doesn’t sleep on the minor characters either. Yuu and Touko don’t exist in a vacuum. From Yuu’s sister and her boyfriend to Maki, the juxtaposing aromantic and asexual friend and ally, to Yuu’s surprisingly likable best friends, to Hakozaki-sensei and her girlfriend Miyako, to even Dojima. Everyone matters. Everyone gets their own little storyline. I’m tempted to be reminded of Kimi ni Todoke and the brilliant way it handled its side characters here. Although Bloom Into You is much shorter than KnT, and therefore has a lot less time to develop those side characters and relationships, it still provides them with their own layers, their own problems, their own mini-spotlights. And it makes me care about every single one. Riko and Miyako’s cute ass and wholesome adult love story, Akari’s dumb doomed crush on basketball senpai, Koyomi’s dreams of becoming an author and her infatuation with a certain idol of hers, Maki’s experiences as a contented bystander. I adore and welcome it.
Let’s talk about Touko Nanami before this gets any longer than it needs to be. To be honest, I have a type when it comes to characters, and it’s the ones that are suicidal and hate themselves, probably because I relate to that stuff more than anything (though I also relate to Yuu’s apathetic brand of depression). This character. This character. One of the things I love most about her is how consistently the reader is lured into thinking they know her, and then consistently proven wrong. (I think we share this experience with Yuu.) It takes episodes, chapters, volumes to slowly chip away at the layers and layers of personality we’re given before we finally arrive at the truly heartbreaking core, which is a girl with a fractured identity and deep, deep self-loathing that defies all logic. And it’s because it defies all logic that it’s so scary. Because that kind of self-hatred doesn’t just go away. You can’t just fix it. It’s there to stay, and it’s not just your friendly neighborhood self-hatred--painful, but an otherwise harmless roommate. It’s actually dangerous, and it has the power to destroy Touko’s relationships with others and even destroy herself. (The scene in the anime where she stands in front of the railroad tracks and almost takes a step forward, thus nearly giving me a heart attack, comes to mind.) It defies logic, so there’s no logical way to beat it, either. And it’s not just the self-loathing that gets me and makes my heart hurt for her; it’s the loss of oneself, the lack of one’s identity as an individual. The loss of on’s own sense of self, especially at such a young and vulnerable age, is debilitating. Touko is really good at wearing that super serene smile, but when the chips are down, nothing is going to stand in the way of her and what essentially amounts to obliterating herself from existence. Not even Yuu. And then we come to her crippling fear of being loved by anyone, which is an aspect of self-hatred that probably doesn’t get enough acknowledgment. She hates herself to the point that the thought of someone loving her, which should make her happy, actually hurts. How fucked is that.
But I never gave Touko enough credit. To be honest, in chapter 34 when Yuu (finally) confesses, I was expecting her reaction to be really bad. Like, really bad. I was expecting a shitshow, a blowout of their relationship (temporarily of course). I was expecting basically what Yuu thinks that she got. And for that one page, I swear I felt my heart forcibly ripped from my chest. But then I read the next page and was surprised to see just how much she’s changed over the course of the series, how unexpectedly maturely she took the confession and examined her own feelings afterwards, how quickly (and once again, maturely) she deduced that she’d been making Yuu suffer. It makes me appreciate their relationship even more than I did before, and it makes me want to root for them. (Not that I wasn’t already.) The chapters just keep getting better and better from here on, I swear.
Sayaka deserves her own post, but the queen has her own novel series at least. Sayaka could SO EASILY have been that bitch. Nakatani could have created this rival love interest who treated Yuu like shit and was a possessive asshole and just stopped there. But instead, we got Sayaka, who ends up being one of the best and most well-developed characters. And in the many many times where I was calling Yuu and Touko “you dumb bitch,” Sayaka was there, the smartest and most honest of the three by far, which was refreshing. Her backstory is utterly heartbreaking, her love for Touko touching as hell, and her rise from the ashes, so to speak, is inspiring. Fuck that senpai. Sayaka isn’t even that mean to Yuu, on top of it all. I mean, she can be kind of snippy. And understandably so. But they actually end up surprisingly getting along? I am shook to my core. Sayaka’s growth is one of the greatest sights to behold in this series. Her friendship with Touko isn’t sidelined in favor of Touko’s relationship with Yuu--far from it. Sayaka provides her own unique support and sparks Touko’s development in a way that Yuu never could. Their friendship is crucial. By the time Sayaka FINALLY confesses, I was so god damn proud of her and her bravery, I swear I could have cried. While Yuu was busy being in practiced denial for 40 chapters, Sayaka was OUT THERE learning to be completely up front and honest with herself and others about her feelings. (Not to knock on Yuu, because she has her own arc to go through to get there.) That whole fucking scene where they’re both just sobbing about shit afterwards Got Me.
Ugh. It’s been an emotional few days. I’m really glad I decided to start watching that first episode, because this entire series has been a series of pleasant surprises. This is a good anime, ya’ll. It’s a good character study. It’s a good love story. It’s a good gay love story. It’s all of those things. You could literally talk forever about all the nuances of this story and characters and all the things that make it as good as it is. This long ass post just brushes the surface. For now, I’m anxiously (ANXIOUSLY) awaiting chapter 40. If you know, you know.
#bloom into you#yagate kimi ni naru#yagakimi#spoilers#im fucking screaming over this whole series and how it destroyed my emotions
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ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.
also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.
i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too
HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED
Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)
BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.
I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.
Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.
SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.
Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...
Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.
Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.
I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!
I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.
But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.
It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"
But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.
But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.
Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.
(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)
Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"
anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.
WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly
Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!
#rhysand#anti rhysand#anti sjm#anti acotar#anti inner circle#tamlin#lucien deserved better#they all deserved better frankly
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07 YOUR’E MINE P.2 JJK
Masterlist || 01 || 02 || 03 || 04 - finale
paring: JUNGKOOK x READER
genre: smut , short series, noona kink, noona stuff
word count: 1.5k
summary: being Yoongi’s younger sister means you've been around a lot. it didn't take long for the boys to fall for your charms. however the youngest member has taking a liking to you. except you dont date younger boys. or so you thought?
notes: this contains smut and use of bad language. you've been warned.
"Really?" Yoongi was in your ear as we traveled back to our hotel." Your not going to apologize?"
Taehyung was walking next to you and he pulled his lips back forming them into a rectangle- his eyes bugging out his head as yoongi started another fight with you.
He continued to walk beside you the other boys head of you three walking towards the van trying to stay out of sight from the LA fans.
"I will," you nonchalantly said.
"When," he growled.
"leave me the fuck alone Yoongi!"
Jin who was in front of you three turned around and looked back and then forward.
You signed and purposely went around the other side of Taehyung. But that didn't stop Yoongi he talked over Taehyung to get to you. Taehyung feeling awkward in the middle.
"No I won't leave you alone until you get your shit together and quit taking your anger out on everyone. He looked at Taehyung. " didn't you get mad at Taehyung last week for accidentally tripping you on the plane?"
You looked at Taehyung and he averted his gaze not saying a word trying to stay out of it not trying to anger you and not trying to anger his hyung by not being on his side. He was lost for words, he didn't want to imply-
"And i apologized, you said looking at Taehyung. Taehyung quickly nodded.
Finally the van came into view and you guys spilled in. Everyone got in and you had to go to the back and guess who was in the back?
Jungkook.
Fuck.
He was back there with Jimin and the seat next to Jungkook was empty. Yoongi who was at the door of the van and the next row in front of Jungkook's grabbed you before you got back there and gave you a warning look.
You furred your eyebrows together and snatched your hand and sat next to his "Golden Maknae" still not apologizing and sitting there annoyed not at him but at Yoongi.
Jungkook sat there in the middle of you and Jimin stiff as a board he held his breath as if he was afraid to breathe around you because anything seemed to a problem with you. You were hard to please, never satisfied.
You looked out the window and let the driver take you guys to the hotel. Yoongi had fallen asleep and the very front of the big van was in conversation with another. Trying to ease up the tension.
"Now would be a good time to apologize," you thought. " but nahhhhhhhh."
--------
It has been a few days since the whole blow up with you, Jungkook. and yoongi. Still jungkook wouldn't look at you and you could tell he was losing sleep over it. Plus today he did bad at the LA concert today he messed up a couple times and when his face showed on the big screen he had visible bags under his eyes.
Yoongi, seemed upset and it was because of you.
Everything was.
When the show ended and Yoongi stormed to the back of the stage first- the rest of Bangtan waving the fans goodbye. He was trying to get to the back as fast as he could to get to get to you he walked a whole five minutes down the stairs down the hallway to get to where you were in the tech room watching the whole show.
He busted through the tech room door. Everyone in there including you looking up.
"Thank you everyone had a great time, the vibe of bangtan was horrible! Everyone is in their feelings because Jungkook isn't doing well," he clapped ," well done sis," he screamed and some of the techs left leaving you two alone seeing as it was a brother sister feud going on they felt like it wasn't their place to listen even if it was about one the other members.
"He messed up five times tonight he has too much on his mind and you're at fault!"
You looked up from the couch and looked at the screen that no longer displayed the boys anymore and the ongoing concert- but instead the band logo instead.
"You know what I don't want you on our next tour! if I could I'd send your ass home right now!" he screamed in your face- you not reacting- and jhope came in at the right time to grab him from you.
Jhope knew he was upset that's why he came to check on him and you because he knew he'd blame you for jungkooks performance today. He knew that the show was bad and hoped the fans didn't notice that all of bangtan was kind of off. Even if they didn't- the seven boys could feel it within the group. Very off
You got up and Yoongi grabbed you "let me go!" he said yelling at Jhope."
You pulled away from him, him pulling away from jhope- and Namjoon rushed in, some of the others rushing in as well.
"Everyone stop!" Jhope, Namjoon, and Jin looked towards the door.
There Jungkook was: looking even more tired in person, the screen airbrushed him to make a believable happiness. But the frown on his face showed that wasn't the case. He was tired and he didn't want Yoongi and his Noona to fight anymore.
"I'm fine," he said looking straight at you and he left.
Everyone looked at the door as it slowly closed and everyone let go of each other.
Jhope going after Jungkook to see if he was okay. Yoongi glared at you. "you're my sister but fuck you," finally he gotten what he wanted a reaction from you and you looked taken aback not thinking he was going to say that to you.
this was the first time he cursed at you like that.
He left leaving you with Jin and Namjoon. Jin squeezed your shoulder and Namjoon looked at you not knowing what to say. Especially since tears were rimming your eyes.
All you did know was he was right, you wish you could change, you didn't mean to be this way you just didn't know how to handle your emotions you were an emotional wreck and your were so destructive you destroyed everything around you.
especially jungkook.
Finally the rest of the day no one said anything. Everyone didn't want to talk it had been a bad week enough and the concert that just past wasn't a good one everyone lost focus and jungkook wasn't there. He was physically, but mentally he wasn't.
You were all in the van again you were in the back next to Namjoon and Taehyung. Jungkook seemed to find it every way possible to stay away from you. He was now avoiding you. And you felt bad. You had cried in the bathroom about it when the car stopped at a rest stop. You guys were traveling 2 hours for the next concert that was in 3 days.
You cried because you let it go this far and you cried because of the text you had gotten from jiyong.
leave me the fuck alone will you?
he had finally replied to the thousand of texts you had sent him and this was all you got.
it was the right timing too. After all the problems you were having with the boys. But it was all your own fault. Hell maybe jiyong cheating on you was also your own fault as well. You seemed to destroy everything you touched.
well I hope your happy with her. you replied.
you didn't know why you said that but you did to bask in the pain some more showing that it didn't bother you that much but you knew it did. The girl jiyong cheated on you with was your best friend. And she was forever cut off. She even had the nerve to try and explain to you that she was sorry and a whole bunch of other shit but you didn't bother. It was betrayal and you didn't get betrayed. At least you denied it.
You were the bitch, Queen bitch nothing bothered you right? You were fine at all times never cracked pressure never got played you played guys- right? A girl like you never batted an eyelash and just kept going so what the fuck was wrong with you?
You threw your phone down on the bathroom floor and cried until staff came and got you because it was time to move. You wiped your eyes and threw up your hard exterior. the " im Y/N , and im a bitch" exterior. That facade was beautiful. A beautiful disaster.
~
PART 03 ||
A/N: tell me why i had all these parts save and never uploaded them lmao my bad for everyone that wanted to read the rest of this smut lmaoooooooo
#BTS jungkook#jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook fanfic#jeongguk#bts scenarios#bts smut#bts au fanfic#bts au fic#bts angst#bts#min yoongi#bts min yoongi
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my knowledge of aftg is limited to gay lacrosse boiz vs the mafia but honestly thats all i need to know im interested
okay so that really is all you need to know lmao but if you want more info here’s some pointers:
check! the! trigger! warnings! there are a LOT
aftg has some valuable lessons to teach but at the same time it’s so fucked up that you don’t want Anybody to know that you read it and fell absolutely in love with it. it handles a lot of things unrealistically too which also plays into the whole “i am but a raccoon and this is my trash” thing but some of the themes and messages it sends are very important
the way the trilogy handles the process of recovery..... do not touch me
the fandom makes amazing edits. this is very important for reasons i cannot explain
literally all but three, arguably one or two, characters are absolute dramatic assholes like there is no denying it but i love them
exy is the only sport i would ever willingly watch and understand. this book made up a whole sport and i genuinely got invested in it who am i
found family trope!! found family trope!! found family trope!!
there will be multiple occasions where you have to put the book(s) down to gather yourself. i had to get up and go outside to pace the backyard not once but twice. do not read the king’s men in public it will destroy you
i made a tag for you bc i was going to select two or three posts for you to go off of but that didn’t happen bc then i just kept seeing more posts sorry also do not go through my actual aftg tag or you will get spoiled so bad
BEFORE YOU GO THROUGH YOUR TAG: don’t read the one that starts like “Something about AFTG....” if you don’t already know the pairing that’s canon by the end and for the one that starts like “One of the things I love about books is how each person takes something different from them” skip the last sentence of paragraph 4
you might not like the foxhole court bc it’s mostly build-up and everyone is, as said, an asshole and in tfc it’s borderline unbearable but it gets better and they get better and things start getting so good around halfway through the raven king and the development some of the characters get by the end of the series.... wrow
a lot of this probably makes it sound bad but i love it sm like the emotions it puts you under and the journey you get to watch neil go through in learning to make a home when he had none before and the way you can watch kevin slowly but surely settle into himself and regain his confidence and the way you can watch andrew’s beginnings of recovery as he allows himself to start to feel again..... i’m sure absolutely none of that made any sense to you but yea h
if it means anything to you i finished the king’s men and IMMEDIATELY went back and reread the series all over again. i have never done that before Ever (although i was vvvvv tempted to w the raven cycle)
this got out of hand it was meant to be a max 10 points but please read it and scream abt it to me
#some of my favorite posts i couldnt tag bc theyre too spoilery and im Mad abt it#these ones dont do it justice but i tried#aftg#ask#viv#emdrabbles#by ‘some of the characters’ i mean kevin day i love him sm#he’s not the only one but i cry#vivaftg#emma
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bulletproof | t.h. — part one
Pairing: Agent!Tom x Agent!Reader
Word Count: 1.6k
Summary: You have one job. Get the evidence and get out. Should be easy enough but with your incredibly irresistible partner in your ear the whole time, it’s a little hard to stay focused.
Warning: A LOT OF DIALOGUE, crime, cursing, angst, major flirting like, did I mention dialogue !!!!
A/N: COLLAB WITH @thelazypangolin ! This started as a blurb request but I was so inspired and excited about it that I knew it had to be BIG and I couldn’t do it alone. I’m honored to be writing with her and we honestly are having so much fun with it that I’d be shocked if it didn’t turn into an entire series. (That will depend on the feedback we get so please let us know what you think ok?) We are just so proud of this and we really hope you enjoy it ❤️
Your hands reach for the computer that sat in front of you as drops of perspiration trickle down your forehead. You were well aware that the mission would be risky, but your lazy ass hated time-bound tasks enough for you to start stressing out.
Your hand finds the mini USB drive you had stashed in your back pocket earlier and despite it being a minute device, it would be the deciding factor on whether your assignment failed or succeeded.
“Y/N, you sure you can handle this one?” Tom’s voice flows softly through the tiny earpiece.
He was always teasing you and you loved it, but of course would never admit it. Rolling your eyes at the hidden cameras surrounding you, you hear him laugh.
“I can handle anything,” you assure him, a sly smirk spreads across your face. It was true and he knew it. You had only been working together for a few months and he already knew you better than anyone else ever had. You’re strong, the strongest person he knows, and so fearless. It was the reason you were offered the position in the first place because no matter what, you never backed down.
“I know. But are you sure you can stay focused, love? You look so sexy right now.” He tests you and you know he’s busy eyeing the black, skin-tight pants and red leather jacket that were hugging you in all the right places.
“Something tells me that you are the one who's having a hard time focusing, eh Holland?” you chuckle, hiding the underlying anxiety.
“I might be more focused if you dressed more professionally, ya know,” his voice saturates your being, officially distracting you. Though it wouldn't be exactly wrong to say that you did love all the distraction he brought to the job.
“Maybe I’m just trying to show you what you’ve been missing out on,” you say, a little too confidently. You knew you needed to be completely invested in the screen in front of you, but couldn’t help yourself. You dished it right back, only you were better at it and you wished you could see his reactions.
You hear his voice hitch and he lets out a soft groan. “You sure, this is the right time and the right place to show that?”
“Better now than never.” Your fingers tap nervously on all the possible combinations of numbers to unlock the information, yet you manage to let the words glide effortlessly.
“How 'bout after we’re done here?” He says, sending a shiver up your spine as you imagine the gorgeous, uneven grin he most likely had on his face. You gasp dramatically. “Tom Holland, are you asking me out?”
“I might be,” he says and a nervous laugh escapes his lips. It had been months of continuous flirting and ensuing tension between the two of you, and he chose now to do this?
Getting too caught up in him, you enter just enough wrong combinations.
The analogue display immediately sets to 10:00.
“Y/N?”
“I’m fine, it’s just- I may have set off the intruder alert, no big deal,” you try to brush it off. The fact that you made a mistake in the first place was bad enough.
“Y/N, they’re going to be there any minute, most likely armed, do you hear me? Get out!” Panic ringing clearly through his words.
09:00
“I uh-” you glance at the illuminated numbers. “-still have nine minutes. I can do this.” You fake confidence to pacify your partner's concerns but on the inside, you knew that you were fucked, big time.
“No damn it, the moment that clock hits zero, this entire building blows up and all the evidence with be destroyed. You are not going down with it,” Tom was almost yelling through the earpiece, his shrill voice making your already pounding heart beat out of your chest.
“Tom, I have nine-” you correct yourself as your eyes find the blinking red warning once again. “-eight and a half minutes and I can and will make it.”
It would go against the image you had worked so hard to maintain so no, you were not leaving this unfinished. You were given the nearly impossible task of catching these guys. Known to be one of the most dangerous group of criminals and their specialty? Importing stolen money which you were chosen to get proof of on the tiny USB drive now plugged to the computer. It was safe to say that you were scared, a feeling you weren’t familiar with because when it came to what you did for a living, you almost never felt fear. Now with the time still ticking down, 08:00, your nerves threaten to get the best of you.
“Come on, come on,” You urge the data percentage to move faster as it feels like it stays at 43% for hours instead of mere seconds.
Tom was still frantic, his melodic tone that usually calms you down, now builds you up and not in the good way.
“Listen to me, Y/N. Get out right now or I swear I will come in after you,” he scolded seriously and there was no doubt in your mind that he would. But you couldn’t let them get away with this and he was just going to have to trust you.
07:00
“I can’t,” you shake your head, about to say exactly what he didn’t want to hear. “I-I have to see this through, otherwise it’s all for nothing.”
“If they see you, you’re dead. If you hide and that timer stops, you're dead. You might be willing to risk your life but I’m not!” Tom yells again, needing you to just listen to him for once. You could tell he was pacing back and forth and with each step that echoed through the speaker, you felt more anxious and equally annoyed.
“I’m staying, Tom. I’ll be fine. You know I always am,” your wavering tone barely convincing you as you try to ease his frantic heart.
“This is different! Your life's on the line and I refuse to just sit in this damn van and let it happen.” He was trying everything because maybe something he said would change your mind. Or at the very least, his voice. Always calm and smooth as silk somehow, even when he was pissed off. One of his many features that typically made you weak, but right now? It just wasn’t enough.
As much as the situation was testing you, Tom's words weren't making it any better and engulfed with rage, you snap. “My life is always on the line. None of our missions are without risks!”
The deafening sound of Tom's fists slamming on the tabletop fills your ears, making you flinch. “There is no mission if you're dead,” he screamed and you take a deep breath and keep watching the data that was close to 78% now. Any second now.
“Can you hear me, Y/N?” Tom heaves a sigh and you swear you could feel his warm breath calm your nerves. You shut your eyes close and muster the courage to utter at least a single word that wouldn't shatter your hopes anymore.
“Please… Listen to me, I can’t lose you,” Tom's voice is a mere whisper and your heart sinks at the possibility of the inevitable.
Nevertheless, you shake your head and put your fingers to your ear. “Tom, I'll make it. Trust me,” you assure him and swallow harshly as your eyes well up. You never were the emotional one, you had aced the impossible before, but today just happened to be the day when your heart ached and you wished to melt in someone's arms. Tom's arms.
“I love you.”
You blink your eyes and furrow your brows. “What?”
“I said I love you, Y/N.” You feel the pain in his voice despite the barriers and your brimming eyes overflow just enough to let a tear stain your cheek.
03:00
“Y-you?” Your lip quivers and breath gets caught up in your throat. You sniffle and shut your eyes, it wasn't real. “Do you-”
“I have been in love with you ever since that first fucking day,” he said, sure and steady.
Silence.
You swallow harshly as your eyes watch the data percentage reach close to 98%. Your fingers tap on the table in front of you, ready to pull out the device and run for your life. To run to him.
“Y/N?” You feel heart-wrenching pain as your name rolls off his tongue. How little a gesture, yet still left you in misery.
01:00
“Dammit, talk to me!” The voice in your ears was loud, loud and desperate. You could even hear the tapping of his foot, like the world silenced every other sound so you could savour the last moment, let his words engulf you for the last time.
100%
“Done,” you manage to slip the word out.
“Run, Y/N!” he screams over the comms and you inhale deeply. Show time.
Your fingers wrap around the device and you pull it with a jerk and take to your heels. Your vision grows hazy and you hastily wipe your eyes with the back of your hand but it doesn't help. Your pools were clouded, but your thoughts weren't. Tom was quiet yet his voice was still playing at the back of your mind like a broken record and you loved it. Maybe it was the last time that you got to hear it and if so, at least it was filled with the love that you desperately needed.
You stumble and then regain your balance.
You had done this before.
You harshly clear your throat and part your lips to let the words out. You couldn't wait to be in his arms, to tell him that you felt exactly the same but your current situation wasn't assuring your chances of escape. You take a gust of air in through your parted lips and manage to push the words out.
00:00
“I lo-”
Boom.
My masterlist | Amy’s masterlist
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#tom holland#tom holland au#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland imagine#bulletproof series#??????#BUT FINALLY GUYS IM SO EXCITED I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AGABSJZNDJ#❤️❤️❤️#writing#amykins
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hey uhhh YKNO WHATS GOOD brainstorming potential headcanons for a character you know NOTHING ABOUT
i guess its less headcanons and more like.. wishes? hopes? what i think would be cool to do with this dude and like ALL I KNOW is that he is a cool dude and apparantly he doesnt have a backstory or sympatheticness SO consider what if he did and maybe thatd be cooler. like dude he owns THE SINGLE BEST BOSS BATTLE THEME IN ALL VIDEOGAMES EVER and that is ALL I KNOW ABOUT HIM and i just want him to deserve it, yo. also if he turned good i could be his friend and some of the badassness would rub off on me
ANYWAY
COOL SQUID PRESIDENT
i would vote for this man as squesident
seriously the design is SO GOOD!!! how did they manage to get such a cool colourscheme out of his entire Thing being that he has no colours?? like damn i like white being used as an evil colour for once, thanks. it symbolizing emptyness and emotionlessness is like BIG YES and i really hope thats what they were going for cos apparantly the wiki says that all the yokai who join his “we should never be friends with humans” gang turn colourless to match? but like the dude himself is less plain white and more very light shades of blue, grey and gold. MAYBE REFLECTS THAT HE IS A MANIPULATIVE DOUCHE WHO MAYBE DOESNT REALLY CARE ABOUT YOKAI AND JUST WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD PERHAPS dammit why does everything about him scream “great 100% evil guy who is very scary” when man I WANT TO LIKE HIM, DAMMIT!!
ALSO SERIOUSLY the visual effect of the wild spirally red yellow eyes against an otherwise “peaceful” colour whose entire point as an evil is “peaceful” taken to a bad extreme. it REALLY immediately sells that “tries to pretend to be calm, collected and fancy but is actually an angry mofo at heart” vibe i got from his theme song??? I REALLY HOPE THATS ACTUALLY HOW THIS COOL BOSS BATTLE GOES DOWN cos man the best villains are smug asshles who Always Win and then when you FINALLY win you get that much of a better ending!!! but AGH another part of me is like “i hope im wrong because he looks like a Cool Dad and i want him to be good”. Maybe his true design concept was to betray me personality with using all his cool dad power for evil...?
ALSO im not gonna spoil you guys on it cos it is JUST AS AMAZING AS HIS SONG but i was toooootally right that he has some sort of super intimidating second form and its got THE COOLEST DESIGN EVER HOLY SHIT! and also apprantly there’s a recoloured bonus boss called Minister Squisker who’s like a colour swap in a really creative way?? it swaps him being all “blank” themed with scary bright eyes and instead his entire body is a wild ye olde mythological illustration style paint job in every colour ever. okay COOL HEADCANON NUMBER ONE thats actually the regular colour of the species and mckraken is the white sheep of the family lol
also UHHH i dunno it seems kinda weird to me that theyd have this dude running a goddamn political party about humans being bad yet he doesnt seem to have any motivation whatsoever for it? unless it really is just supposed to be ‘he only pretends he wants to protect yokai from humans so he can manipulate and rule the yokai’. but like HYPOTHETICALLY in some universe where he actually lives up to his Grumpy Dad Who Has A Hidden Soft Spot potential, maybe he has an understandable backstory that raises legitimate concerns about how humans are destroying the natural and mythological and forgetting their roots, or other reasonable reasons why yokai could think humans are dangerous and all. i mean we ARE dangerous, we’re just a wide group of people that contain evil bastards and also good people, yknow. And thatd resonate well as a plot probably, cos well the whole point of the series is “in real life ur scared of yokai but theyre actually all goofy pranksters who will be your best friend forever”. Both sides being afraid of each other could lead to some good plotness! and it could be really effective and sad if after hours of joyous childhood wonder the protagonist bumps into the first yokai they couldnt befriend. the first one thats scared of them. the first member of this weird colourless political party who accuses them of committing crimes against yokaikind, of obviously only enslaving these yokai friends cos you have an ulterior motive, just like all humans! it could be effective if its something that shakes up the whole way you saw the world and establishes that hey its not all fun and happiness, and there’s some people you are powerless to convince. maybe even some people you are powerless to save...?
ANYWAY possible idea for ‘what if the dude originally had a sympathetic motive but it got twisted over time and now he’s just a fuck BUT maybe he could still be redeeminated someday ok thanks” What if he’s the spirit of.. like.. ocean pollution? Like there’s some yokai who are ghosts of a mortal person but theres some that are just nature spirits or personifications of concepts. What if he’s the personification of the dying screams of all the wildlife killed in a particular tragic oil spill? hence squid = thematic, and blank white colourscheme = even more thematic reflecting the stain the oil would leave on a pristine ocean and also the blank emotionlessness he was left as after witnessing that tragedy. Cos like his entire Purpose would have been born out of avenging anger but i mean he was just a kid, the only one left alive on a ruined beach and seeing just how powerful humans were and how pointless it would be to try and fight them with his weak power. like he was born to avenge all these souls and he just keeps failing!! his entire reason to live and he’s just too small!! so he ends up becoming bitter and cynical and learning how to use his silver tongue to manipulate others into becoming his weapons, and he vows that someday he’s gonna come back when he has the power he needs to complete his mission. and he’s just forever had this anger seething inside that he’s been unable to get any catharsis from, so when his cold and collected persona cracks he’s really damn scary with all these years of a man who’s grown old fearing he’ll never be able to avenge his ocean friends and just AAAAAA! itd be really good cos itd be a way he could still be intimidating and high stakes as a boss fight but also sympathetic!! also it could make sense why he’d only be redeemable after defeating him? like this entire time he’s been hidden behind a million layers of politics and minions and stuff and its very easy for him to not see the reality of the fact that he’s terrorizing human children just like how humans scarred him as a child. so like his whole big second form transformation super anger mode time would be sort of a last ditch attempt to deny what he already knows, the doubts that have been eating away at his soul now he’s getting close to the end of his life goal. but also like.. he doesnt even know who he IS, under the lies! its been his entire purpose for existing. like he probably uhh.. didnt have much plans after his victory. he probably wouldnt have much will to live left. so yeah you basically beat up this guy’s emotional walls and make him face the face of the people he’s been hurting, when he’s been trying to avoid it for so long. and he gets to see how much all the other yokai genuinely trust you and how much youre personally sacrificing to protect them so maybe you really arent just lying about being a good person...
oh also i was thinking about the inherant hypocrisy present in the fact that this guy is a big spoopy REALLY WELL DESIGNED squid monster that spends all his time in a depowered humansona instead, despite his whole Thing being hating humans. and, yknow, ‘i’ll solve this using a carbon copy of human politics instead of any more traditionally magical way of fighting the humans’. Yeah. So THEORY of SADNESS maybe he like never actually met any other yokai for a long time? I dont think it really makes sense that he’d be hypocritical because he secretly likes humans or something, that wouldnt jive with this backstory idea. So im thinking another explanation could be that he genunely doesnt know much about yokai culture? Like cos of his backstory he just poofed into existance on this destroyed beach in the human world and spent the first few centuries of his life completely alone except for the terrifying monsters that haunted every second of his life, and the knowledge that it was his purpose to defeat them but he didnt know how. And he was a nature spirit of the sea but his sea was empty of everything except death, so he couldnt even hug a cute fish sidekick or something- OH GOD WHAT IF HE DID HAVE A CUTE FISH SIDEKICK AND IT DIED COS OF HUMANS!!! very tiny sad squid monster child holding a dead pet, oh god why did my heart did this to meeee!! so yeah he didnt even know he was a yokai or wtf yokai are, he didnt know anywhere outside the tiny rock pool he would hide in on this barren beach. And then someday he gets found by an older yokai and adopted and like he feels like he owes them so much cos they gave him a reason to live, and a connection to the nature that he was supposed to protect, and.. well.. any companionship at all ever. So thats how his directionless “humans are bad” turned into “yokai are good and i need to protect them from humans like i failed to protect the beach” which turned into “i need to get more power to do this” which turned into manipulating other yokai and seeing them as nothing more than tools to take down the humans, his revenge consuming him until he barely remembered the reasons he originally wanted to do it...
and blablabla thats where we bring in the recolour bonus boss also, and say thats the nice grandpa figure who adopted him when he was all lost and trapped in the human world. and cos he was sorta adopted into nobility thats why he’s so over the top with his pompousness, its like a hint of IM LOVV MY GRANDEPA shining through his grumpface. ALSO maybe a sad situation where the gramps saw his kid growing up into this scary extremist and he tried to reason with him that humans dont need to be destroyed and that led to them fighting and him getting sealed off in recolour bonus boss land. and mckraken sees it as the biggest betrayal of his life and it totally threw him off the slippery slope to feel like the one man he trusted the most was a traitor to yokai all along. but even at his most evil he couldnt bear to actually kill his beloved gramps so he just imprisoned him and tries to stop thinking about it but like THE CONSTANT SPECTRE OF THE GUILT HANGS OVER YOUR HEAD THAT YOU DID YOU GRAMPS WRONGGGG So yehmaybe protag could find the gramps guy and hear about the sad backstory via him and then defeat mckraken and make him realise he was wrong and he apologises to his gramps and atones and all the humans and yokai are friends again and BUNNI CRIES FOREVER the end
cos seriously man this guy’s design is too good to be wasted on a hateable!! srsly he’s like that archetypical goofy big beard chubby pirate dude BUT INTIMIDATING AND BADASS AND COOL FASHION AND DAVY JONES SQUID BEARD SQUEARD I LOVE HIM he is too round to be 100% evil
*slams fists on the table* IF YOU DONT LIVE UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS I AM GONNA CRY
aaa i need to stop just sitting here theorizing about this game and actually friggin play it lolllll
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (That's how that last chapter of NR made me feel.) I just thought you would like to know how brutally my heart has been ripped to shreds and I thank you for it. I am so excited to find out what Jungkook's deal is.
Anonymous said:LUUU NEW RULES CH 11 HURT ME SO BAD OMMNNBGGGGGGGG FUCKIDKCUDKC WTF IS WRONG WIT JUNGKOOK
Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is out...WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW😭💜
bangtantannie said:Oh my god the New Rules update got me FUCKED UP AHAHSJ i screamed when i saw the notif and my heart goes out to the reader, especially when her and Mijoo were comforting Yerin. I gotta say I've had a few of those moments in my life and i had the same exact thought process
Anonymous said:i feel like IDGAF by Dua Lipa could be the theme song for the next chapter cos by then the oc wouldn't care anymore and cut off jk's coward coconut bitch ass uwu. anyway I love the new update! I was crying during the first part bec it was so heartbreaking and im on my red days lmao 😣😝 and when i learned bout yoongi's reason for doing wut he did i was shookt but it was valid tho and acceptable. the soft part after that was so cute tho. im gon continue this in a 2nd ask bec tumblr sucks
Anonymous said:I actually LOVE angst so much and you did it PERFECTLY - the mystery, the underlying story, the hidden pain, sacrifice, false front, and RAW RAW FEELINGS HNG i’m hurting so bad in all the right ways and i am so obsessed I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE THOUGHT AND LAYERS YOU PUT INTO IT; you have SUCH a beautiful brain
Anonymous said:JESUS NEW RULES IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Lu, I love how realistic all of your storylines are, how you make the characters feel real, and how you channel their emotions. This whole chapter was just wOW, SHIT WENT DOWN. I’m excited (and hella nervous) to see what becomes of the OC and Jungkook now that the confrontation has occurred. Love you Lu!~💖
Anonymous said:nr oc @ jk: boy bye im not available for the emotionally unavailable so sayonara coconut btch
Anonymous said:Lu... you did it, I'm about to cry, I'm glad my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof. Just the masked emotion of jk "not wanting a relationship" is fuckin palpable, like he acts as if lashing out on the OC will make her hate him, but she knows damn well they like /like/ each other, and w the society we r in, it's easy to shift blame on oc for "catching feelings" bc that's typically "what women do" but JK is so vulnerable w her so SHFJHSHD this ch was muy bueno, ily lu-🍑 anon
bangtandumbyeondan said:Every chapter of New Rules leaves me on edge and I love it but it also makes me screeeeeam because I never want it to end haha I really enjoy the whole series a lot thanks for writing it 🌼
Anonymous said:I'm sure your asks are flooded rn but iahcjsjfak MAN. I had to put my phone down like 6 times while reading this due to shock, secondhand embarrassment, and anger lmao I was feeling as crushed as if I was the one shot down oaudisjf I really admire the oc for standing her ground in that situation. I'm really rooting for her! awesome chapter, thanks as always lu xx
Anonymous said:NR 11 was so fucking lit wow, you consistently blow my mind every damn time. Tell them OC tell them!!! Toxic masculinity needs to go!!! Devaluing emotions need to go!!! Take! That! Trash! Out!
Anonymous said:just finished reading chapter 11 and now im in shambles 😭 i just want to hug the oc and tell her everything will be okay 💖
Anonymous said:The rollercoaster of emotions that this chapter produced was so raw. Having an amazing plotline like this is not super complex (like fantasy) but so intune to human emotions as the central point is amazing. You capture real human feelings of jealousy, pain, heartbreak and angst so fucking well, and I feel that I am part of this story. Thank you for gifting us with your writing Lu!
Anonymous said:that last line of dialogue... i am deceased
Anonymous said:Every since that "not like she left me" from JK i wonder if it is about his mother, and this chapter when OC talks about their mothers not raising them quite well i got that feeling again ughhhh I want to know so baaaad !!! this chapter really clenched my heart lu you are so goooooodddd thank you thank you thank youu i love you so much!
Anonymous said:you've broken my heart and crushed my windpipe with that new rules chapter. thank you so much for taking the precious time out of your life to write such an emotionally charged and thoughtfully written series, i am actually screaming. love you, lu. ♥
Anonymous said:your writing is so amazing:’) ugh my heart hurts from new rules but i love the paiN
Anonymous said:I FREAKIIINNNNNGGGGGG LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER OF NEW RULES MY HEART HURTS BUT ALSO I LOVE THE ANGST THAT LAST BIT WHERE SHE SAID "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO EASY TO GET OVER YOU!" I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF IT JUST DESTROYED MY HEART SO DELICIOUSLY
Anonymous said:im having an aneurysm??? go OFF oc!! i know she may not necessarily be entirely right, but the ending scene really spoke to me as a woman who was gaslighted by an ex for a year after the relationship ended in much the same manner. i also really appreciated how you wrote the oc’s response to yoongi coming out both in character and sensitively. i want more yoongi and oc interactions now!! it seriously made me cry. your writing always makes me emotional in the best way
Anonymous said:jungkook has me very confused and i kinda wanna punch him in the nose for it, but those feelings are quite appreciated as it speaks to how highly intricate you've woven the story so far. i'm looking forward to when everything about his behaviour finally makes sense. until then, keep up the amazing work, lu. you're doing great! ^-^
acucarebiscoito said:"He doesn't love you. He'll never love you. No man has ever loved you before, and how could you have possibly thought that someone like Jeon Jungkook could've ever returned your feelings?" You got me here, I REALLY started to cry my eyes out. It hits to close home I cant even order my thoughts right now. It was perfect, every second. Thank you so much Lu, like always you are amazing and you gave me so much to reflect about myself. Thank you 💖💖
Omg you guys all have such intense reactions to ch 11. this makes me so happy! ive seriously had the scene of the OC running into the frat house and telling Jungkook off planned in my mind since ch 2, and ive been stewing over it for literally a fucking YEAR, so to see that it worked out and ppl feel so strongly is amazing. thank you bbs
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so yesterday i finished all for the game for the second time in my life (weird thing i've never read a book or series twice) and it wrecked me for the second time. it was unexpectedly nice that i actually understood everything with so much clarity, but that makes sense i've got lot of practice in reading english since then. also, i wrote my thoughts on the book this time.
i can't understand how a book can have such an impact on me, i hate that and i love it, everything else that crossed my mind is under the cut
★huh andrew really bullied aaron into dressing identical to mess up with neil
★"i don't swing either way" is the phrase that made me feel more valid that the whole queer community ever
★neil is pure nihilism
★how can i EVER forget neil wore a tight long sleeved TORN tshirt that andrew bought this is way too much
★seth is dead and all kevin can think about is the line up tbh i do that often
★they are making a scandal about how they sit
★kevin telling neil "destroy him" filled me with power
★the most unreal part is neil ALWAYS keeping his roots another colour the guy must dye his hair every fucking week
★how did neil buy andrew's promise to protect him from the japanese mafia's professional murderers when the only people he physically bullies is an obsessive young adult with anxiety, a princess in high heels and his sunshine sister in law
★wait a fucking minute andrew saw neil filled with terror while holding the phone and immediately gave him the car keys so he could be alone fuck
★nicky fucking hemmick attended to improv class
★ according to dan few athletes were crude enough to start trouble at an ERC event, you mean as crude as neil?
★how to take care of your teammate while he's in a crisis according to: andrew→show concern and reassure him. wymack→10 seconds of vodka
★"hey, jean. jean valjean" is peak comedy
★the ravens walking in v formation is genuinely the most cringy thing you can think of
★neil first finds out the only possible person to date him is andrew because he was jealous of renee are you kidding me
★andrew only missed 13 from 150 shots on goal for fucking real what a Man
★renee is an angel, she's specifically andrew's angel
★neil truly is a watcher
★bee wearing a bee costume is the only good thing on this world
★dan and matt dressed like greek gods!!!!! they can adopt me already
★can you believe nicky is the one who got into neil's brain and planted the idea of realying on someone, and since then neil actively pursues an investigation on andrew's relationship status how on god's name i missed that HOW he's not even subtle about it damn
★he first worries about renee now about kevin goddamn it josten how can't you se how much you care about him
★it's funny how sexuality is such a heavy topic between them when they sure as fuck have some pretty huge stuff going on you know like dying in the hands of the mafia or being tortured
★i imagine andrew running to renee all bonkers like "listen if the cute guy asks, for fucks sake tell him i'm gay but make it ~casual~ maybe this way he'll get it"
★the sole mention of thanksgiving dinner makes me want to die
★kevin is checking the scores in a newspaper I forget this book is so 00's
★they should have spent the day eating turkey and frozen pie at abby's fuckkkkkkkk
★are you kidding me they are in the middle of a conversation and andrew casually chokes neil a little but it's ok they carry on wtf
★"we are all going to regret this" is the fucking worse piece of foreshadowing in this book
★neil interrogating andrew the same night he was raped what kind of fucking piece of shit does that
★i can't fucking believe neil went ahead and shoved andrew's hand under his tshirt in front of kevin, wymack, betsy and two fucking lawyers are you kidding me
★neil asking "are we? friends?" to nicky is so relatable because i also would have an aneurysm if someone told me i am their friend
★someone else tries to flirt with him and he immediately considers andrew how i was too ace to see it the first time i read
★jesus fucking christ riko is one truly fucked up sociopath and neil is the bravest motherfucker on the land
★how can he face riko like that in the nest and be extremely pure in other occasion
★"are we watching the ball drop? i want to make a wish" he wants to make a wish and i want to die thanks
★i can't believe the whole if it means losing you then no and side effect of the drugs shit it's unreal fucking unreal how oblivious neil is too ace to realize anything SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU "DREAM" THE LEVEL OF ROMANTICISM
★the amount of heavy staring in this trilogy is ridiculous and all i can think about is twilight
★these books made me see how far from the 00s we are, for many reasons, but mostly for some jokes that can't let slide; like calling neil a battered wife, domestic misogynistic violence is not a joke
★i can't believe from all people, wymack was the first one to get andrew was into neil
★"that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" is such a funny phrase to be said casually why is it
★"you are a racoon, not a fox" oh andrew
★it only took andrew admitting he had a crush for neil to be all sentimental and shit, and that disarmed andrew too
★they are like some kind of animal that while you think they are fighting, they are actually mating, that's exactly what nora meant with feral
★half of last book is neil mooning over andrew jfc
★nicky made neil smile while distracting him from riko im gonna throw myself off a cliff
★i can't quite believe neil goes through a detailed monologue about andrews memory the man is impressed and borderline turned on about every talent on his crushe's shelf
★i literally can't follow and will never understand the quarrel/promise/agreement between aaron and andrew what a bunch of pretentious idiots
★every time neil's phone buzzes all i fear is the fucking countdown
★i thought "i want to see you lose control" was a collective fever dream i can't believe it's written on the books
★if i was nicky i already have told andrew to stop his freaky pretentious shit towards me
★neil to the upperclassman: ha ha fellas is it gay to unthinkingly call andrew in the middle of a anxiety breakdown
★"you gave me a key and called it home" is as soft as heartbreaking i want to jump off a cliff
★"i won't be like them, i wont let you let me be" is actually pushing me off that cliff andrews feelings are a fucking storm
★neil was kidnapped and tortured the day of my bday and that's not a coincidence
★neil's talent to twist the truth in order to convince andrew of anything is outstanding
★excuse me they have no right to be this soft i hate them
★they miss so many opportunities to be funny about the whole "protection" thing
★did he really had a mental breakdown over where to fucking sit on the bus lmao
★"don't come crying to me when someone breaks your face" is the second most awful piece of foreshadowing
★lets be honest for a second andrew should be a fucking writer because all those things he says? edgy myspace pretentious poetry
★im sorry but i don't care about literally anything except neil smiling onto andrew's neck bye
★andrew ghosted a kiss across neil's hip im dead for real
★abby kissed neil's forehead farewell after cleaning all his injuries i have no words he's recieving all the affection he deserves
★cant believe you don't see aaron is fucking worried neil is taking advantage of andrew
★i mean yeah ok don't talk love but neil is sad that nicky thinks it was only hate sex, and he immediately acknowledged it meant more than that to him bc his demi btw wtf does hate sex mean i can't believe you hate someone so much you wanna suck his dick
★they all went horseback riding when will i have a group of friends like that
★"who's humanising who in that relationship" i know right nicky
★kevin locking himself to have a panic attack is the most relatable thing
★the car encounter with ichirou holds the same tension as a mr robot scene
★the proposal of playing olympics and being unstoppable feels like marriage or smth
★neil is literally having his hot girl summer
★i adore neil's overflow of emotions after swallowing everything for so many years. represented, thanks.
★andrew terrorising katelyn who the fuck does he think he is what an annoying asshole
★"did you know i've never been skiing" is the most epic line
★i cheer to the sole mention of laila
★alvares can deck me right now and i would say thank you
★"war is profitable" aaron knows what's up
★sometimes i want to slap them is2g
★that scene at eden's where they are all discussing how roland found out and aaron ends up being the only straight one lmao boy it's your punishment for being so homophobic
★the whole "deadliest piece on the board" spech is 100 times better when you consider kevin was wasted and overly exaggerating every word and gesture
★can you imagine those few fans supporting kevin's new tattoo screaming YAAAAASSSSS QUEEEEEEEEEN while snapping fingers i'm cackling
★matt in court body slamming into anyone that's been a problem to the foxes: VIBE CHECK MOTHERFUCKER
★neil kissed andrew in castle fucking evermore the audacity i adore him
#the foxhole court#the raven king#the kings men#all for the game#tfc#it really fucking wrecked me#how can a fucking book do this to me#my thoughts
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