#if parts of this don’t make sense FORGIVE ME i did mean to expand the lore on this but didn’t get time to actually work on abigger story
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you, entirely | obi-wan kenobi
pairing: obi-wan kenobi x female!reader
part I
summary: obi-wan kenobi’s relationship with the reader over the years. reader is a senator & the pair navigate their complicated relationship over the events of episode I & II.
setting: breaks in between the movies, please don’t think too hard on it because the timeline is a bit fuzzy to me in general :)
word count: 5.7k (HOLY SMOKES)
warning(s): canon typical violence, me not fully understanding the prequels & politics please forgive me, probs some inconsistencies with star wars canon, kissing
author’s note: hey everyone! i promise i’m still working on “your friend, ben” i just have had this story stuck on my mind for a while. i plan on expanding this into a second part because we don’t really see what the intro alludes to with it’s angsty description (it will come, i promise!). i’m nervous about how this will be received only because i’m not as well versed with the ins & outs of the prequels. that being said, i still hope you can find something to enjoy within this.
thank you!
What are we? You had asked him. Doomed, forbidden, foolish. Those were the words that came to mind. Good, heavenly, wonderful echoed in his mind, louder. Obi-Wan could not understand how something so right could be the very antithesis of his being.
He had been warned of this very thing. He had been told to guard his heart. He had been told not to stray from his purpose. He did not listen. He couldn’t help it, really. He was convinced that it was fate, something even Master Yoda could not deny.
Something so strong that no amount of training could stop him from loving you. It was blunt and forceful, ironic considering his devotion to the force is what kept him from you.
It had started off innocently enough, merely as a pursuit of companionship with you. When you had first met Obi-Wan it was before the true weight of the war was known, before the death of democracy and freedom. Both of you were far younger and more hopeful. With blazing eyes and determined hearts, you each shared a passion for helping others.
That was probably the first thing Obi-Wan noticed about you, your selfless and compassionate nature. You’d admired his strong sense of duty and morality. It was a shame you’d grow to become a threat to those traits.
Your first encounter was simple enough, Obi-Wan was assigned to oversee your appointment as a senator and your induction into the Republic. The ceremonies had gone well, no need for Jedi interference after all, and there was a party being hosted in your honor.
After Obi-Wan essentially lived as your shadow over the three week long process, you’d grown to enjoy his company and, though you’d never admit it aloud, crave it. Obi-Wan always told you the truth, something you valued considering the lack of it in politics. He was a righteous man with a good heart, you didn’t take his character for granted.
You’d insisted on him making an appearance at the party and with enough convincing on your part, he obliged.
You kept me safe this entire time, the least I can do is let you to partake in the festivities! Sort of a means to an end, you had told him.
Obi-Wan had argued that since there was no danger there was really no reason for him to celebrate.
You then commanded him that your first act as a senator would be demanding Jedi involvement at the party, specifically, a dance.
So obliged maybe wasn’t the right terminology, forced was more fitting.
Nevertheless and ever the dutiful Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi made his appearance. What harm could acting as your shadow for one more night do?
Though he loathed politicians, he found himself enjoying the evening. Even if he was just watching as a figure in the background, he could see the joy radiating off of you in your smile and how thrilled you were for your future. It was something you’d worked hard for, after all.
You had been busy chatting with your guests and attending to the caterers, making sure to thank them before you recognized Obi-Wan. You approached him with a grin and refrained from pulling him into a hug, instead extending your arm for a handshake.
His hand grasped your own and he shook it gently, a small smile forming on his face.
“How do you feel?” You asked excitedly.
“Glad that you stayed safe.” He answered sincerely.
“Thanks to you.” You pointed out. “I’m grateful, truly.”
“Well, on behalf of the council, I’d like to congratulate you on the beginning of an exciting career.”
Your nose wrinkled at his formality, “Hearing you refer to politics as exciting has got to be a bigger surprise than you actually showing up here.”
He chuckled lightly at that, “I suppose so.” He then continued with a hint of a smirk, “But if I remember correctly, this was an order from you, Senator.”
The emphasis on the way he said senator made your stomach flutter, but you shoved the sensation down. You rolled your eyes at his retort and broke eye contact, glancing around as live music started to play and couples began to pair up.
Before you could say something fill the silence, Obi-Wan spoke up.
“I would have come either way.” He announced. “I must admit while this is not my scene, I’ve enjoyed your company.”
You turned back to him with a shocked expression, his admission leaving you silent.
“For a politician, you don’t seem to have a lot to say.” He quipped.
You blinked at him, dumbfounded, and cleared your throat before speaking, “As a politician, I’m not used to blatant honesty. You’ve simply surprised me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
He frowned slightly, “Is that good or bad?”
You eyed him with an amused expression, “For an all powerful Jedi, you seem to have a lot of questions.”
He laughed and you joined in, embracing the warmth that came from the interaction.
“You really are a politician.” He said, laughter still evident on his expression.
“And you really are as noble as they say.”
Obi-Wan smiles and his eyes only seem to amplify the tenderness behind it.
“I have something for you.”
He quirks his brow up at your statement, “Oh?”
You fumble in your pocket before pulling out a silver pendant attached to a brown leather band. It’s engraved with the Jedi emblem and a branch of leaves weaving through it. You hand it to him and he gently places it in his palm, tracing the indentions in the silver stone.
“The branch represents friendship and good-intent, it’s a message for anyone who encounters my planet, one of hope.” You explain, watching as he inspects the piece.
“I hope it’s not too much or anything, I just wanted you to have something as a token of my thanks.”
He looks up with an unreadable expression and pockets the trinket, “It’s perfect, really. Thank you.”
You nod, “I wanted to give it to you before you left, you know, as something to remember me by.”
“I don’t think I’d be able to forget you.” He admits.
“Now you’re really mocking me, Obi-Wan.” You say lightheartedly, refusing to even acknowledge the vulnerability from his last statement.
Obi-Wan’s mouth opens to reply, but a man comes to your side and offers you his hand.
“I’d love a dance, Senator.”
You smile gracefully and accept the man’s offer, bowing to Obi-Wan before mouthing a silent goodbye.
He watches as you dance with the man and twiddles with the pendant in his pocket. The words ‘it represents friendship’ echo in his mind. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t touched by your actions. Obi-Wan had grown fond of you over the past few weeks, something he wasn’t sure what exactly to do with.
As the party died down and guests started to leave, the young Jedi still remained. He was leaning against a column in the foyer before you finally noticed his presence after waving goodbye to a guest.
Your furrowed your brows when you saw him, “You’re still here?”
He nodded, “My job isn’t done yet.”
“I haven’t requested anything else.” You replied, confusion evident in your voice.
“I believe I owe you a dance.”
That surprised you.
Two for the Jedi, none for the senator.
“I was only teasing when I requested that.” You explained.
“I know.”
Obi-Wan extended his hand towards you. You cocked your head at him with as if asking really?
He offered you a reassuring smile and nod in return, beckoning you towards him. A childlike grin, despite your best efforts, found itself upon your face. You approached him slowly and bowed before placing your hand in his. His other arm went around your waist and you placed your free hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. The music playing was somewhat slow and let the two of you fall into a nice pattern of swaying.
You felt the warmth radiating off of his body and decided to lean into his touch, craning your neck to speak lowly in his ear, “You really didn’t have to do this.”
“I don’t mind.” He answered simply.
You pursed your lips and continued to sway with the music, “I didn’t realize dancing was part of a Jedi’s duty.”
He shrugged and dipped you slowly, flashing you the most infuriatingly handsome grin, “It’s not. I just happen to be good at it.”
Your head rolled back as you laughed at his cockiness, something you didn’t expect from him. He joined you in laughter and as you faced him once more it became clear how close your bodies really were.
“Besides, it’s the least I could do.” He offered.
“For what?” You asked him.
The music swelled and he then spun you out before pulling you back into him gently.
Ever so close.
“As a thank you. For your company.”
His cool breath fanned over your lips as he spoke.
“It was my pleasure.” You respond, never breaking eye contact.
You continue to dance together, both of you pretending not to notice how close you’ve gotten and how the air around you has shifted. The music has slowed significantly and you continue to look at one another while swaying, your eyes reflecting what could only be described as tenderness.
His gaze flicks from your eyes to your lips and if there ever was a time where a kiss was expected, it was now. Obi-Wan slowly leaned closer into you, leaving your noses brushing against one another, your lips one slight move away from touching. A silent question hung in the air, a question asked by him, with an answer expected from you.
But you knew it wouldn’t do any good. He should’ve known that, but he didn’t seem to care. You were frozen, not giving into the moment, but not wanting to give it up either. It was a weird feeling, to want something so bad and withhold from it, only to keep the tension of it alive.
Just as the weight of everything started to crush in on you and you considered the possibility of leaning in, the song ended and couples around you broke contact, bowing to one another. You both stayed locked in your embrace. It felt as if the air around you had stilled and no one else was around.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding before breaking the contact and smoothing your gown. When you look back at the man in front of you his expression is unreadable, yet again.
You nod at him, hoping it says everything you’re feeling, but knowing that’s not possible.
He smiles, understanding an implied thank you from you this time, “It was my honor.”
You start to walk away, but he reaches out and squeezes your hand gently.
“I look forward to hearing about everything you do, Senator.”
You turn around and smile warmly, “And I, you.”
Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if he’d see you again, but he kept the pendant from you, he didn’t delve too far into why. He kept it fastened to a loop on his belt, a reminder of your friendship.
It was a year or so before he saw you again. You both had changed a lot since then. You were well into your career, a successful one at that, and he had been busy with his padawan, Anakin Skywalker.
You were relocating permanently to Coruscant to be closer to the senate and more involved in your work. What you hadn’t expected was to run into Obi-Wan Kenobi right as you arrived at the capital.
“Senator!” A familiar voice called out.
You recognized the smooth voice instantly as he called out your name this time, no title necessary. When you turned around, you were face to face with the Jedi master and his padawan. He looked good, you noted. His hair had grown out and his features were somehow even more handsome than before.
“Master Kenobi, it’s a pleasure.” You greeted warmly, a genuine smile gracing your face.
His eyes twinkled and he returned the smile with his own brilliant kind.
The kind that would make you swoon.
The kind you needed to stay away from.
“The pleasure is all mine, I’ll have you know I’ve been keeping up with your career since just a year ago.” He admitted, almost bashfully. “You’re a force to be reckoned with.”
You chuckled lightly, “I’m honored that a humble senator like me would even cross the mind of a grand Jedi master, you must have an abundance of free time.”
Obi-Wan’s gaze shifted to the young man before him and he shook his head, “Not with this one around, I’m afraid.”
You directed your attention to the padawan and smiled kindly, “You must be Anakin.”
He nodded and extended his hand to yours, “I take it Obi-Wan has mentioned me before?”
You take his hand in yours and shake it firmly, “No, I only assumed.”
Anakin seems somewhat dejected. Obi-Wan arches his brow at your comment and you smile knowingly.
“You’re not the only one who’s kept tabs over the past year.”
“I’m flattered, Senator.”
Anakin’s eyes shifted between the two of you, you chose to ignore it.
So did Obi-Wan.
“Well, Obi-Wan, it’s my first time in Coruscant not confined to the Senate building and I can tell I’ve been missing out tremendously.”
He nods.
“What might a humble senator like me do on her off hours in such a place?” You inquired.
Obi-Wan considered your statement, taking it as more of a proposition than anything.
“Allow a friend to escort her wherever she pleases.” He answered finally.
You grinned at the Jedi and felt a warmth envelope your chest.
Maybe this move wouldn’t be so bad after all.
After he had dismissed his padawan, Obi-Wan dedicated the rest of his day to allowing you to explore the city and showing you all of his favorite spots.
He brought you to Dex’s for a meal, showed you an art exhibit that was his personal favorite, and even brought you to the temple gardens. You made note of a shop he pointed out mentioning it was where he bought good teas from.
You noticed through your trip that Obi-Wan was far more open now, something you think was good for him. He teased and even flirted, another thing you certainly weren’t going to complain about.
It felt as if you’d only seen each other the day before and no time had passed at all. The sound of his laughter was something you didn’t even know you had missed. His time in your life just a year ago, while significant, was only a three week period. It was strange how much a shared past could bond two people.
When you stopped for caf in the city, Obi-Wan was messing with his belt under his robe, “I want to show you something.”
“You’re making it very easy for me to take this in the wrong context.” You teased, eyeing the way he was fumbling with his belt.
He huffed lightly in amusement, “I assure you Senator, I would never.”
He continued to struggle before he grinned and extended his palm towards you, proudly displaying a stone pendant attached to a leather band.
You gasped lightly, “You still have that, after all this time?”
He nodded, “Of course I do. It’s a token of friendship, you don’t throw that away.”
You chuckled at his seriousness, “You’re right.”
“I’ve kept it fastened on my belt, I wasn’t sure why, but I just felt the need to keep it.”
“Politician’s guilt.” You joked, taking the pendant in your hand, examining it.
Obi-Wan smiled at you, his eyes crinkling in the corners.
“I’m impressed it’s not blown to pieces by now with all the action you see.” You mused.
“Actually I’m impressed you didn’t throw it away after I’d given it to you.” You said casually, running the smooth stone against your fingers.
He furrowed his brows in confusion, “Now why would I do that?”
“I didn’t think you liked me. You were so serious, so stoic.” You teased.
He frowned, “I’m not stoic.”
Maker, even his frown was handsome.
You grinned at him, “There, that’s what I mean!”
His frown deepened, “What?”
You tried to hold in a laugh, but your amused expression betrayed you.
“What is so funny?” He insisted.
His frustration only made his sharp features more handsome, but you’d never tell him that.
“Your expression, it’s the very face of stoicism itself.” You finally explained.
Obi-Wan scoffed and rolled his eyes, “That’s just my face!”
You shook your head and laughed lightly, “Besides, it was clear you didn’t like politicians, I never considered myself exempt from that.”
“You’re crazy! I was in awe of you Senator, your passion was remarkable and if anything, I was intimidated by your presence.”
You shrugged, “I don’t remember it like that.”
“If I remember correctly, I came to your after party and danced with you.” He argued. “I don’t see how you could misread my feelings towards you.”
“A party I requested your presence at, and a dance I demanded from you.” You countered.
“I told you I would’ve come either way.”
You pursed your lips, “Then I guess we were both equally as clueless.”
He sighed, “I suppose I’ll work on my stoicism, but you need to work on reading me if we’re to continue this friendship.”
You grinned and placed the pendant back in his hand, “Deal.”
Obi-Wan had ended the night by escorting you to your new apartment and with a gentle kiss to your the top of your hand. You were shocked by his informality, but in no way was it something you’d dare to bring up to the Jedi. He did not address the intimacy from the moment so you went along with it.
That was the start of his fall from grace.
Since that day, the two of you stayed close companions. He’d be seen escorting you to and from senate meetings, making sure you arrive safely. You could be found seeking out his company whenever you got the chance. Whether it was exploring the capital together or simply meeting for tea in the afternoon, you always made time for each other.
At the beginning, Obi-Wan was frequently questioned on his apparent attachment to you. He’d always write it off as looking out for you, pointing out that he witnessed the start of your career and had maintained a healthy friendship with you since. It seemed to satisfy those who inquired.
The questioning did not stop on his end however, you were also constantly asked of the nature of your relationship. You insisted it nothing more than a sense of safety and protection, something engrained in your being since the start of your career. You teased that it was his way of keeping himself from being lonely.
The two of you became a well known pairing across the capital, something the council did not approve of, but couldn’t really do anything about. Obi-Wan had assured them time and time again there were no attachments outside of the kind you have for an old friend or colleague.
You just happened to be both.
Besides, they had no reason not to trust him. You didn’t harm his image in any way, in fact, you seemed to have enhanced it. For a Jedi who hates politicians to be seen so close with a Senator spread the message of unity within the capital. Something no one would deny.
It wasn’t until a rather compromising conversation that made you worry of the Jedi’s affections for you.
“I think I’m going to get married.” You had told him.
Your announcement had shocked him, you weren’t courting anyone or known to have any close relationships besides him.
Instead of showing his surprise he simply sipped his tea and set the cup down, “When’s this happening?”
You sighed, “Well, my team seems to think it will help my image. An alliance with someone powerful is what they want.”
He hums slightly, “What do you want?”
“To not have to be married to be taken seriously.” You answered honestly.
Obi-Wan nodded in understanding.
“But, the more I think about it, the more it seems to be a reality I need to face.”
His brows furrowed, “You’re powerful enough without an alliance or marriage.”
You placed your head in your hands, “I know, I know. It’s an insult really, but one they continue to throw in my face until I eventually give in.”
Obi-Wan moved closer to you and bumped his shoulder against yours gently, “They should know better than to expect that from someone as stubborn as you.”
You chuckled and returned the gesture, leaning into him slightly, “You’re right.”
“Besides, what happens when you find someone you love and want to marry?” He asked.
“I don’t think I will ever marry.” You confessed. “Not for love anyways.”
Obi-Wan frowned, “What else is there to marry for?”
“Wealth, power, influence.” You listed out plainly.
“You’re sounding like a real politician now.” He said with a teasing lilt to his voice.
“I know. It’s a shame.” You sigh dramatically.
He laughs at your antics before taking another sip from his cup.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do about this, Obi-Wan.”
“Don’t get married.” He offers. “Tell them you won’t do it unless it was for love, that way you never have to. Then it’s an honorable lie.”
You consider his solution, nodding thoughtfully.
“That would work.”
“Don’t let it get out though, otherwise you’ll have loads of people hoping to woo you.” Obi-Wan warns, half teasing, half serious.
You chuckle lightly, “I doubt anyone would care. If anything I will have sealed my fate as the spinster senator.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Obi-Wan says. “I think you’re far more alluring than you realize.”
His comment makes you pause. It was frustrating how much of an effect his words had on you. Obi-Wan was always able to make something monumental sound like the most simple and true statement in the world.
“I think you’re far too fond of me to see reality.” You say finally.
You were right. He was far too fond of you.
Instead of arguing further, Obi-Wan basked in the silence you shared. Not an awkward kind, it was natural, comfortable even. Something he’d grown used to over the past few years.
Still, he could sense you wanted to ask something. It was radiating off of your body every second you spent in silence.
“You want to say something. I can feel it.”
You shift slightly towards him, resting your hands on your knees, “I’m not sure if I should. I wouldn’t want to offend you.”
His nose wrinkles, “I know you well enough to know you’d never miss an opportunity to offend me.”
“It’s a serious question.” You explain.
He hums, “Ah, I promise to answer it seriously then.”
You take a deep breath, choosing your words carefully, “I’ve just never heard of a Jedi having opinions on love.”
Your question doesn’t bother him. He nods in understanding.
“We don’t.” He answers. “But my master was more liberal in his approach to such matters. When I was younger, it was something I thought about often. How could we call ourselves protectors without love or attachments? I think love, whether it’s platonic, romantic, or familial, it strengthens us.”
He continues, his voice growing soft, “While my duties prevent me of experiencing it, I think of marriage as sacred and a celebration of love. Not something for politics to exploit.”
The words rolled right off his tongue so naturally, it was hard not to be somewhat affected by his confession, but you knew better than to go down that path. You weren’t sure what to say without compromising your heart even further, so you opted for telling the truth, a bitter one that stung.
“I think that’s beautiful, Obi-Wan.”
“I do too.” He affirmed.
You stay silent, your face pinched in contemplation.
“What?”
“If it were up to you, would you do it?” You almost whispered, fearing your words would shatter the tranquility around you, scare him away.
He doesn’t respond, he only looks at you earnestly before taking in a deep breath and nodding.
You don’t say anything.
“Knowing myself, I probably would’ve tried to marry you by now.” He confesses.
Your body stills next to him. With those words, it was Obi-Wan who had effectively shattered the air around you, leaving both of you helpless and surrounded by the aftermath of his sharp tongue.
He reaches out to take your hand, but you avoid his embrace with a swift recoil of your hand. It burned hot where his fingers had lightly grazed yours.
Your name falls off his lips, soft and light, but you interject.
“I think it’s best if you leave.”
Obi-Wan didn’t argue. In fact, he agreed with you. He wasn’t sure what came over him to be so honest, so blatant, and so not the Jedi he should be. Instead, he was a fool going down the very path he was instructed, begged, not to.
After he left, you spent hours revisiting various tender moments you’d shared, analyzing them and going down a tunnel you knew you shouldn’t. That one comment had managed to offset years of pushing away feelings and burying them deep. It made you reconsider your stance with the Jedi.
But before any headway could be made, Obi-Wan had come back to your quarters that night with an apology for his behavior. You accepted and only wished you two would not address the interaction again. He agreed.
It was a month before you saw him after that and the circumstances were far from glamourous. He’d been injured critically on a mission and it was entirely your fault. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a simple humanitarian trip you were taking to an outer rim planet. Obi-Wan was there as your guard, per your request, but you had assured him it wasn’t anything more than a peaceful visit. You were wrong.
It was a blur mostly, how everything went down. One minute you were in a crowd handing out rations and supplies with your crew and the next thing you knew there was a loud rumble and screams. You had reacted quickly, warning the people around you and helping them to what you hoped were safe buildings. The ground was shaking from explosions and smoke and dust quickly filled the air.
You kept assisting people around you and directing them to find shelter. The explosions were getting stronger and felt closer, adding more chaos into the mix. You kept searching for others in need of help, coughing as you made your way through the area.
Another explosion went off to your left and you stumbled a bit, but kept your balance. Rubble and debris was falling all around you and it became clear that this was no accident.
You relented on and were helping people who had fallen when you felt a firm grip on your arm, immediately recognizing Obi-Wan’s familiar hold on you.
“Obi-Wan!” You exclaimed in relief. “We need to get these people out of here! It’s not safe.”
His gaze was full of worry and he kept his hold on you, yelling above the chaos, “Senator, I need to see you safely aboard your cruiser!”
You tried to pull away, but his grip did not budge, “Not until we ensure their safety!”
“The only person’s safety I am concerned of is yours!” He insisted.
You shook your head vehemently, “My presence is the reason for this, it must be, and I will not let these people suffer because of me!”
The ground shook once more as another detonator went off, his grip on you loosened as you both stumbled.
“Please, come with me back to the ship!” He pleaded.
“We can’t leave like this!” You argued.
You managed to pull away from his grasp and started to run towards the smoke when Obi-Wan yelled out your name. You turned around to look at the man and beckon him to join you when horror etched itself upon your face.
Above the Jedi was a crumbling column and the debris was beginning to fall. You couldn’t do anything except watch and make your way towards him as fast as possible, crying out his name. That was the last thing Obi-Wan saw.
When he woke up, the first thing he felt was warmth. He could feel your presence, your very being. It engulfed him. You were worried and concerned. He felt a firm weight in his hand, it was yours.
You had been at his side since your crew brought his unconscious body on board. You felt horrible about being the reason he was pinned under the rubble, even more so being the reason for the attack in the first place. The Separatists had somehow got word of your humanitarian mission and had sabotaged it with a bombing.
You immediately arranged for aide to be sent to the planet. The only thing that kept you from staying was making sure Obi-Wan was alright. Things had been shaky since the marriage conversation and this seemed like a time to rekindle.
As he stirred awake your face lit up and you exhaled in relief.
“Obi-Wan.”
His name was like a lifeline when it left your lips, heavy and full of feeling.
He opened his eyes and turned his head towards you, squeezing your hand lightly.
“You’ve been out for a couple hours.” You explained. “You sustained some damage, but a lot of the larger debris managed to miss you.”
“Lucky me.”
You nodded, “A few days spent in bed and you’ll be fine.”
He hummed in acknowledgment, not sounding too thrilled at the prospect of being bedridden.
You took your free hand to fix his hair, carding your fingers through his soft auburn locks.
“Obi-Wan, I want to apologize.”
He shook his head lightly, closing his eyes, “It was not your fault.”
“It was. You would not have been near that column if I had just listened to you. You would not have been on this trip if I had not requested you. Your being here, hurt, is because of me.”
“I agreed to go on this trip, I chose to accompany you, it is no one’s fault.”
You shook your head, “You’re too kind to say it’s my fault, but it is.”
“You cannot go down that path. I’ve been there, it won’t lead to any good.” He insisted.
“I’m still at fault, no matter what you say.” You argued.
He huffed out a small breath, “Are you going to argue with me while I’m injured?”
You sighed and continued to stroke his hair, relishing in the way reacted to your touch, “Still, I’m sorry.”
He kept his eyes closed, “I’m not.”
You didn’t respond.
“You’re safe. That’s what matters.”
“Not to me.” You whispered. “I need you around, Obi-Wan.”
He opened his eyes to be met with your glassy pair.
“There isn’t a time in my career where I haven’t had you at my disposal, General.” You continued with a shaky voice, “I must admit that I have grown to care for you over the years, a little too much, I think. I just want you to be safe.”
‘A little too much,’ echoed in his mind, Obi-Wan smiled lightly.
“I am safe.”
You sighed again, but didn’t say anything.
“You forget yourself, Senator. My duty was to you, to keep you safe. I did my job and I have no shame for it.”
Your hand moved from his hair to cradle the side of his face, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone. He let out a contented hum at the movement.
“I wish there was a world where we could exist without all of this, then. Where we could just have each other.” You said quietly.
His cerulean eyes gazed back into yours earnestly, “As do I.”
You smiled at him sadly and leaned down to press a soft kiss on his forehead.
“Get some rest, General.”
You volunteered to take care of Obi-Wan when he returned to the capital and he did not refuse you. Part of it was guilt over his injury, but another part of it that you’d never admit to was simply wanting to take care of him. Obi-Wan never let people help him, he always went about things on his own and you knew it wasn’t good for him.
But he let you take care of him and that alone spoke volumes. You’d spent most of your time making his teas, reading together, and even cooking together. He insisted on helping with the food, he didn’t like to be still for so long.
Every night, you’d go to the balcony of his apartment and watch the sun set. It was something simple and serene, something that required no negotiations or arguing, something you could simply be in.
It was a solace to you both. Normally you sat in silence, but on the second night of his recovery, Obi-Wan broke it.
“If it weren’t for your company I would have returned to my duties by now.”
“You’re all better, then?” You inquire, staring off at the sun set.
“I think so. I’m restless.” He replies.
“You can still be restless and injured.” You counter.
Obi-Wan stays silent.
“What would you do on a day off, General? Perhaps there’s something light we can do tomorrow to abide your restlessness.” You suggest.
“I’d find you.” He answers.
You turn your face towards his and feel warmth spread across your cheeks at his words. His eyes are on you, inviting and tender.
“You’ve found me.” You manage to say, softer than you’d like, suddenly feeling like the air around you is thick.
“It appears so.” He muses.
You turn away, but can still feel his eyes on you. It makes your blood burn.
“I can feel you staring.”
“Would you like me to stop, Senator?” He asks, accenting your title teasingly.
You bite the inside of your cheek to hide a smile and clear your throat.
“No, I only think you’ll regret missing this brilliant view.” You say carefully.
“I don’t think I will.”
You let out a shaky exhale and put on a brave face, “Obi-Wan, I need you to listen for a second.”
“Okay.” He says pliantly.
You sigh and bask in the silence before speaking, before breaking the dynamic you’d grown to love, “I understand your want, Obi-Wan, and please don’t think I’ve not felt it, this care we have for each other. I have yearned over the years and pined and wanted. Truly wanted.”
You break his gaze, looking to the sun set once more, “My comfort has for these feelings has been knowing it, we, cannot be.”
He furrows his brows in confusion and approaches you, resting his hand on your arm gently, “I don’t understand.”
You look back up at him through your lashes, your gaze wistful, “But now you’re here, looking at me with the most lovely eyes I have ever seen, wanting, and I cannot go on denying it anymore.”
He strokes your shoulder with his thumb.
You lean into his touch and bring both of your arms to rest on his waist, “I want you, entirely.”
The weight of the confession leaving your lips is freeing, yet all the while terrifying to think of. It’s always been Obi-Wan laying himself out for you and this time, it’s you. No quick wit, no sharp defense, no excuses, just pure vulnerability.
A part of you fears this was a game to him, to see how long you’d hold out for. You lost the game if that were the case, but deep down you know he’d never do that to you. Another part of you fears this will be the end of both of you, a burning love that only leaves despair in it’s wake. If that’s the case, you hope the burn lasts long.
Not giving you anymore time to think, Obi-Wan wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest. You exhale in relief and hold onto him tightly.
“I’m all yours.” He whispers, featherlight, into the crook of your neck.
You stay still for a moment before he pulls back to look at you, cupping your face in his hand, “May I kiss you, Senator?”
You swallow thickly before flicking your gaze over his lips and then back to his eyes, “You know, if we cross this line, we can never go back.”
He nods, “I’m aware of what’s at stake.”
You arch a brow, “And you’re still willing?”
“Without question.”
Those words were all you needed to hear. You inched your face closer to his and let your nose brush against his, as if making a move in a game, signaling for his turn. Taking his cue, Obi-Wan closed the gap between the two of you and pressed his lips to yours with a tenderness you didn’t know was possible.
It was sweet, slow, and loving. You let yourself live in the moment, memorizing the way his lips slotted against yours like they were made just for you, the way his beard lightly brushed against your skin, and his calloused hand against your cheek.
He smiled against your mouth and let his forehead rest against yours, “You’re wonderful.”
That night you refused to think of the reality of your situation, and instead you enjoyed Obi-Wan and all of his loveliness.
#obi wan x you#obi wan kenobi fluff#obi wan kenobi angst#obi wan kenobi imagine#obi wan kenobi x reader#obi wan kenobi fanfic#obi wan fic#obi wan x reader#obi wan needs a hug#my writing
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terry being taken down the way he did makes sense but that doesn’t make it good. that’s something a lot of ck fans don’t have a grasp on; that certain writing choices absolutely do fit the characters but don’t fit with an actual meaningful playout of the story. imo they should have stretched out the conflict into the sixth (& hopefully final) season, because i did like the re-introduction of terry revolving around his psychology.
him starting off as a one-dimensional satire of capitalism doesn’t mean that expanding upon his psychology automatically makes him a sympathetic figure. neither the fandom nor the writers themselves seem to understand this. both love to laud the show’s portrayal of the “gray areas of morality” & how no character is truly good or bad when the narrative doesn’t even allow them to mentally confront their trauma. its always physical. always barking tactics and showing flashbacks instead of having quiet moments where the characters are left alone with themselves. terry’s the only character who’s actually had brief (VERY brief) moments like these.
back to the original point, terry is a figure who should have succumbed to himself. one of the episode titles is literally “ouroboros”. he’s always been a being of devotion, to kreese and now to himself. his canon endgame doesn’t seem to actually have an end -- you make your way of karate the most popular in the world, and...what? you just assume everyone will share the ideals you’ve infected it with? its so cartoonish.
it ties back to my argument that he should not have bribed the referee. he should have won the tournament fair and square, so that he could continue to be an “effective” teacher who does what he does best: taking the worst aspects of a budding teenager’s fragile psyche and exacerbating them under the guise of self-actualization. this is what he knows, what he practices, and what he was taught by the american military. he accepts everything about himself except the fact that he is and always will be an extension of the military industrial complex, because that would in turn expose not a lack of autonomy -- because joining the army is a choice -- but precisely the reverse. you made the wrong choice, the worst choice, and there’s nothing you can do to rectify it. johnny, daniel, and chozen all made the wrong choices in their youth, but they were able to look inward and turn their lives around. meanwhile, terry would rather die than admit he built the cage and locked himself in it in the first place. its too humiliating. (more weight to the scene where kreese intimidates him! a cage of sexuality/lack thereof, a cage of carnage, a cage of white american vainglory, etc.)
the way this would play into his downfall would be the cobra kids actively choosing to turn against him, instead of a big exposure plot. the kids suffering mentally under his tutelage and learning on their own to look inward for change, to forgive themselves for making bad choices. the kids ultimately choosing to not be like him, to not become someone who chose an unforgivable path and eventually melted into its foundation. daniel had this revelation, and defeated terry the first time.
this happened to kreese, and he would have suffered the same fate eventually had he not played on terry’s love for him (which in and of itself only exists in the limbo of subtext, but terry having unrequited romantic feelings for kreese plays a huge part in this) while underestimating how deeply obsessive terry is as a way of compensating for his own emptiness. like the scene in hannibal where he tells will “im where you can always find me” while being put in handcuffs. do i think terry is genuinely in love with kreese? subtextually, and for the sake of this reading, yes. earnest human characteristics in truly reprehensible villains, once again, do not make them sympathetic. they merely show the universality of evil.
this would not only crush terry on the teaching front, because he’d genuinely believe he was a good teacher, but also on the legacy front. i actually like the base concept of terry being wistful about children, half because its another trait that makes him more human, and half because it defangs the sexual aspect of him being a child predator, since so many people are uncomfortably fixated on that for Certain Reasons. do army recruiters not prey on children?
more to the point, itd be a big paul-dano-riddler “AAARRGH IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS” moment where he, and his cage, fall in on themselves. his idea of love and enrichment was never that in the first place, and all he has is a legacy of failure. the snake succumbs to its own bite.
#cobra kai#terry silver#under a readmore bc i ended up writing way more than i intended lol#for this to actually work youd have to fundamentally fix daniel & johnny's characters too#''everything i do is for the future'' hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Draw your swords, pt. 13
Summary: Terrified of losing Y/N, the Darkling lets his defenses fall.
Warnings: angst, slight fluff, sexual content
Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five // Part six // Part seven // Part eight // Part nine // Part ten // Part eleven // Part twelve
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“Stay with me”, the Darkling trembled as he rushed back to the camp. He held her body close to his chest, her head slumped right where his heart beats thunderstorms in her name.
She’s slipping away, he can feel it. The injuries she suffered and the power she used weakened her irreversibly.
He should be angry with her, enraged, but he had no strength to spare for violent emotions. His heart couldn’t bare much more than the pain he found himself drowning in. It wasn’t the pain of his own wounds, rather the pain of her parted lips and ragged breaths that came like final gushes of air her lungs released.
“HEALER!” He shouted, hoping, praying to the Saints he never believed in before.
“HEALER!” There was something in his screams for help, an unimaginable pain behind it.
Y/N’s fingers twitched, her chest rising in a strange manner; what should expand with an inhale suddenly draws in, a paradox he had seen in dying soldiers.
“HEALER!” It was the kind of scream that went straight for the heart.
Everyone tensed, following the Darkling – a man who never showed genuine emotion other than rage. His call for healers felt like a cry from the heart and soul that stretched across the foundations of who he is. The anguish tore through him as he saw a healer run toward him.
Letting out a shuddered breath in relief, he collapsed to his knees. “Not me!” He growled as the healer tried placing her hands on him, “Help her! Save my wife!”
Nodding, the healer looked down at Y/N with wide eyes. Another healer arrived too, then another, and another.
The Darkling refused to let her out of his embrace as two of the healers tried to take her away. “No!”
“We have to take her”, the first healer insisted. “She doesn’t have long and we have to act fast and that’s not going to happen while you’re clinging to her!” Eyes wide, she covers her mouth as it dawns on her who she’s speaking to. “Respectfully, General.”
Staring at her with raw suffering, Aleksander licked his trembling lips. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her temple instead of her forehead – forehead kisses in this moment would feel as if he’s kissing her corpse before her final rest.
He couldn’t stomach that thought.
“If you die, I’ll never forgive you”, he whispers.
This isn’t how it’s meant to be, how it’s supposed to be. He could never believe anyone ever loved anyone the way he loves her.
Nothing ever made him so frightened as the thought of losing her.
“Take her”, Mal tells them. Looking down at Kirigan who seemed incapable of standing back up on his own, he realized he had to take over.. “And send someone for your General. Send everyone for the wounded in the field.”
Aleksander looked up, jaw clenched and eyes swimming in tears he has yet to shed.
“I’m not leaving”, Mal quipped. “She’s my General.”
Y/N wasn’t able to scream, despite the pain darkening her mind. She tried to focus on her breathing, on staying alive. The only awareness she had was of Aleksander’s arms around her – she felt his scent. When he touched her face, when he tried to gain her attention, she couldn’t open her eyes. Her ears kept ringing, mixing with a rumbling inside his chest. She managed to blink her eyes open once, just one more time to see him, but all she managed to get was a glimpse of his chin and beard.
She wondered how he’d look without it, if it would make him seem boyish, softer. Maybe it would have erased the burden on his shoulders - they may be wide, but they shouldn’t have to carry all that weight alone.
Suddenly, his scent was gone. She tried to reach for him, but her arms could not move, hanging freely instead. Cold seeped in, clinging to her insides, wrapping itself around her heart.
Slowly, her agony had faded. The pain gradually lifted, dissipating like fog. For a moment, she wondered if this is what death feels like – no more pain? No more suffering? Being alone and cold?
Despite everything, if she had a choice, she’d embrace the pain. If pain means she would return to him, to his warm arms, she’d gladly suffer.
Dizzy, confused, she felt herself being pulled up into reality. The disjointed haze receded enough for her to make sense of the world around her. Her eyelids feel heavy as she opens her eyes, the edges of her vision flickering. Blinking fast, her eyebrows knitted as her vision blurred.
‘Aleksander’, she wanted to call, but couldn’t say a word.
How odd it is that he’s the last one she thought about when she thought she’d die and he’s still the first one to come to mind when she wakes?
She no longer felt cold. He always had the ability to keep the cold away.
Sniffling, she jerked her hands away as she became aware of another’s touch. Sitting up on a table she was laid upon, she pulled herself aside before looking to the one who touched her earlier.
“It’s just me”, he raised his hands in mock surrender. “I needed to see you.” His voice is soft, sweet like honey.
Scoffing, she narrows her eyes at him and the cup of water he held out for her to take. Her mouth is dry, her throat like sandpaper. She may be angry with him, but the water he held out felt more important than their fight.
“Are you in any pain?” He asks, watching her drink all of the water in one go. “I could have them come and take it away.”
Letting out a loud sigh, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Raising an eyebrow, she licked her dry lips.
“Can they take you away?”
Snorting, he suppresses a smile. As long as she’s capable of annoying him, she’s going to be fine.
“What were you thinking?” Threading his fingers through his hair, Aleksander frowned. “You could have died.”
“Would have saved you a lot of trouble in the future”, she quips. Standing, she stumbles.
Feeling his hands on her waist, Y/N felt her heart skip a beat. Even now, when she’d like nothing more than to walk away, her body reacts to him. Looking up at him, she inhales sharply as she sees the tears in his eyes.
“I’m scared”, he admitted and she blinked.
“Of what?” She frowned, “Me?” Does her power frighten him? Because it frightens her.
He shook his head, “Of me”, he looked at her. His hands trembled as they touched her skin, “I’m scared of hurting you.”
“I’m scared of you hurting me, too.”
Dropping his hand, he takes a step back. “I don’t think I’m capable of ever hurting you.”
“Tell that to my neck”, she remarks. Her hand brushes over where his hand had tightened its grip just the night before, fixing his gaze on him. He seemed to regret it.
‘Good’, she thought. ‘I hope it haunts him, because it will haunt me.’
“I apologize”, Aleksander swallows thickly. He can’t remember the last time he apologized to someone. A part of him questioned if he ever apologized for anything he’s done in his unusually long life. “I had no right to act the way I did.”
“You once told me I could choose the way to punish you if you ever hurt me”, she takes his hand, intertwining their fingers.
Aleksander nods, “I’m a man of my word.”
“What’s your name”, she asks. “Real name.”
His eyes locked on hers like magnets of different polarities. Isn’t that exactly what they are? She’s his polar opposite in every way, fated to attract.
“Aleksander Morozova.” He uttered a name long forgotten; a name he wanted to forget.
Aleksander was a weak boy who failed everyone that cared for him. He was soft, young, naïve and a damned fool for ever believing Grisha would ever be free. Even now as he elevated their status, Grisha had to serve a human – the Tsar.
Her eyes held barely contained anger. As her hands clasped, a few stray flickers of light appeared on her fingertips. Unclasping her hands immediately, she raised her chin up. “I want to know everything. Tell me your story.”
“And when will I hear yours?” Darkling demanded, swiping his thumb under his lower lip.
“You seem to mistake this for negotiations”, she maintained eye contact defiantly. “Last night you told me to either go back to the Palace or to cross the fold and return to my father. It’s a choice that would easily mean I can choose to stay with you or leave and never look back.”
Placing a hand on his chest, Y/N smirked. “You can either tell me the whole truth or watch me leave.” She spoke through gritted teeth, “Don’t push me unless you’re willing to lose.”
Cupping his left cheek, she allowed a luminescent glow cast a light on his handsome features. She was angry, so angry and tired and her own power often terrified her. For once, she wanted to use it for her own benefit rather than hide it.
“What good will it do?” Aleksander’s bottom lip quivers as her light illuminates tears collecting in his dark eyes. “You’ll hate me as they all do. Even my mother saw me as a monster.”
“I’ve seen what you really are. And I never turned away…what makes you think I will now?”
She felt his jaw clench under the palm of her hand as he swallowed thickly, “You would if you could see my heart, all of it.”
Exhaling through her nose, she shook her head. Her eyes soften, her lips parting. How could she ever be indifferent to his suffering? She wished she could be colder, to leave him in tears and not look back. Hearing his words, his belief that he’s unlovable tugged at her heartstrings.
"Have you no faith in me?"
In a fight, they’re lethal, but around each other their armor is gone.
“I’ve waited for you for centuries. I dreamed about you for hundreds of years before I ever saw your face. I longed for you, missed you, died and lived for you.” Taking her face in his hands, Aleksander bends. His forehead meets hers as his nose brushes against the tip of hers.
“Ever since I laid eyes on you, my dreams have been clearer, focused on you. And in my dreams I am kissing your mouth and you’re whispering ‘where have you been’”, his eyes overflow with tears as he continues with a fractured smile. “I say, ‘I’ve been lost, but I’m here now’.”
Swallowing thickly, he felt as if his heart was breaking. “You’re the only person who has ever been able to find the real me. You saw me underneath all the darkness.” Reaching for her hand, his fingers tremble. “I was waiting for you without knowing it. I’ll make up for all the mistakes, for all the years I was supposed to be kissing you.”
“So why is it so hard for you to be honest with me?” She whispers, her hands trembling as they hold onto his shoulders.
His frown deepens, “Why weren’t you honest with me?”
“You once joked and said I’m no Inferni”, she shrugged. “You were right about that. My mother was. Father never knew about either of us. Your turn.”
“I was honest”, he sighs. Stepping back, he frowns. “I told you my name, I answered your questions about the black heretic.”
Reaching for him, she felt her heartache intensify once his tears began to flow freely across his cheeks.
“Don’t”, he recoiled from her touch. She wrapped her arms around her own waist, hurt by the rejection.
“It’s not easy for me to talk about my past. It’s as if I’m cutting myself open, letting the ugliness spill out. It’s not painless.” Swallowing thickly, Darkling’s eyes widen as he tries to hold back more tears from escaping him. “It would have been simpler to close myself off and find an unremarkable lover who’d never dare defy me, but I keep taking the risk because I want to be with you and I hope that one day you will feel the same way about me.”
“I want”, she stopped, tucking her hair behind her ears.
His voice was quieter, “What do you want? I’ll give you everything.”
“I don’t know”, she replied honestly. “I’m hurt, Aleks. You hurt me after you promised to protect me.”
Running a hand across his face, wiping his tears away. He averts his gaze. Watching her break because of him deepens the cracks in his poorly stapled, bleeding heart.
“What do you want”, she looked to him with a weight in her chest. How can loving someone hurt so badly even when the love is reciprocated?
“Never mind what I want”, he turned away. Facing her now would have chipped away at his fragile sanity, so he did what a coward would – he hid.
“You asked what I want”, she placed her hands on her hips. “I want to know what you want.”
Shaking his head, he let out a breathless chuckle. “You”, he smiled. “I’ll always want you.”
Closing the distance between them, she closed her arms around his neck. Before she could reach for him, he gripped her by her thighs and lifted her effortlessly. Wrapping her legs around his waist on instinct, she got lost in the rush of blood to her head when he pinned her against the table behind her. He paused, searching her eyes.
Whatever he was looking for, she hoped he found it.
“I don’t own you”, his eyes flicker to her lips as she sinks her front teeth into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. “I never did. Human or Grisha, you always owned me. I was just too blind to see it.”
Brushing his lips against hers, Aleksander smiled in resignation. His eyes are so different in moments like these, softer than she ever imagined eyes could be.
“Your silver tongue won’t get you far”, she struggled to keep her eyes open with his lips a whisper away. “But you’re free to try.”
She felt his burning gaze, finding it hard to concentrate on much besides breathing. He observed her, capturing her soft, naturally charming and appealing nature. She’s genuine and sweet, the reason why everyone’s head turns when she walks into the room.
How did he not realize it before?
She’s the sun.
She always was.
He always did squint angrily at her like he does with the fireball in the sky.
Y/N’s hands ran up and down his chest as her lips claimed his - passionately, roughly, determinedly. Without a word, she started to unbutton his kefta, her cold fingertips brushing his warm skin - until she lost patience and ripped the bottom part wide open, pressing her palm against his chest as he broke the kiss.
“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows in concern.
“I’ll be mad at you tomorrow. Kiss me”, she ordered, drawing a smile on his lips as she pulled him closer, her lips reattaching to his, her teeth sinking into his lower one.
Pushing him onto the floor, she didn’t waste time. Her bottoms were down so quickly he hardly had time to take a proper breath before she unfastened his pants too.
Heaving, Aleksander could hardly get enough of the view on top of him - her beautiful mouth opening in pleasure every time she sunk down on him, her eyes rolling back into her head, her hands placed over his chest to keep herself steady. She speeds up, prompting his loud, uninhibited moans that drew an honest smile upon her lips. He trusted up and into her as his high hit fully, taking her by surprise. She gasped, his thrust giving her an unexpected release as she clenched around him.
Gasping for breath, she laid on top of him. Y/N was very aware of his arm around her as it pulled her close, his hand on her hip, giving it a light squeeze. He leaned into her, his lips pressing a tender kiss to her temple, making her tingle with anticipation of something more - something she shouldn’t think about after their argument.
How can she trust his change of heart has nothing to do with the fact she’s the Sun Summoner? How can she ever trust him at all?
Clearing her throat, she pulled herself off Aleksander. “Put something on, someone might come in”, she told him as she secured her pants back on. She could hardly look at him, afraid he’d weaken her resolve. She couldn’t forgive him so easily, even if her heart ached for him.
“Let me in”, a voice from outside the tent made Y/N look to the entrance with a frown.
She crossed the distance swiftly, her hands ready in case she had to use her sword. She goes to place her hand on the hilt only to find her sword is not on her.
It’s a good thing that’s not her only weapon.
“Hey!” She shouts at the Grisha as they pulled someone away. “Stop!”
“General?!” Mal laughs as he manages to look back at her, fighting against the Grisha.
“Mal?” She chuckles, glad to see he’s still alive.
“Leave him alone!” She orders, feeling a presence behind her. She didn’t need to look to know it’s Aleksander. Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t in the mood for anymore talking.
“You’re alive?!” Mal goes in for the hug, but his eyes catch a glimpse of Kirigan’s glare and he slowly backs away. “We need to regroup.”
“How many have we lost?” She frowns.
“You’re Grisha now”, Aleksander speaks up. “You don’t have to fight for the humans.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she scoffs at him. How could he even think she’d give up on her people now?
“That’s not something I’d like. I enjoy my humanity.”
She was the flame who lit his life on fire and while he was burning, he wanted to thank her for it and ask her to stay a while longer. Darkling nearly chuckled at the thought of calling her fire, but she is and he craves the burn.
The Darkling wanted Y/N to be the one addicted to him, in equal measure as he was addicted to her. He wanted to give her a reason to stay with him, if not for love, then for lust. He’d find a way to her heart in the meantime and knowing they’ll have a forever comforts him, but he needed to have her in every other way until then.
He knew he could make her truly happy if she’d let him and he wasn’t about to let her go.
Not without a fight.
Watching her walk away with the soldier, he clicked his tongue. Mal, whoever he is, poses a threat he needs to handle.
Swiftly.
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A/N - I struggled so much writing this chapter, hope you guys like it. I’m probably gonna pass out now, I’m exhausted. xx
Tags: @bruxa0007 @rangotangomango @kaitlyn2907 @thestoryofmylife9 @shelivesindaydreamswme @hxrgreeves @safetyhtom @kaqua @savannah-elliott @all-art-is-quite-useless @azure23x @girlmadeofavocados @ashdab2611 @acciorudolphx @ladyblablabla @wckedheart @xceafh @sanna2020 @tarkanelima-blog @takethee @mellifluous-cosmos @marvel-ousnesss @tea-effect @starlightofsolaria @p3nny4urth0ught5 @blackbirddaredevil23 @sarcastic-and-cool @slytherinsbiggestproblem @within-thehollowcrown @notthatchhavi @musicconversedance @freakytillthemoon @lgkoval @honeyofthegods @queenmalhinewahine @misselsbells06 @whatthefluffrichard @aami98 @britriestbr @itsfangirlmendes @padme-parker @readingsssssssss @runawayolives @thehighladyofasgard @emlynblack @keithseabrook27 @dailydoseofchoices @deceivedeer @olympiacosplay @pansysgirlfriend @extrakyloren @daybleedsintonightfa11 @thoughts-and-funnies @weirdowithnobeardo @folkloresworld @remugoodgirl @yagorlemmalyn @gonehopelessgirl @fefethecoffeeaddict @naughtynecromancer @poison-of-the-ivie @strawb3rrydr3ss @supersouthy @theilliterateironman @evyiione @kimoranelson03 @wizardwheezes @woodsabby6 @liajiah @its-carlerrr
PART 14
#the darkling x reader#the darkling#aleksander morozova x reader#aleksander morozova#general kirigan x reader#kirigan x reader#general kirigan#shadown and bone
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Veritaserum Prompt Fic (Part 10)
(Okay- I'm not going to lie, I took a little bit of sadistic joy at everyone's outrage and devastation over the previous chapter. But only because I know what's coming. I promise we'll have a happy ending. Anyway. Start with part 1 on tumblr or jump over to AO3 to read the whole thing, if you like.)
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Harry woke up smiling.
This was not something that had ever happened to him prior to the last week, but now the bed smelled like Draco, and the sun was slipping in through the curtains and warming his face, and Harry was free.
He'd never been this happy in his life.
Rolling over, he reached out, patting the bed and trying to find his lover's body so he could drag him over and kiss him awake.
When his searching turned up empty, Harry opened one eye to look at the empty space next to him. He frowned and cast a wandless tempus: 10:37. Harry blinked and summoned his wand and recast: 10:37.
That was strange, he never slept that late. Although, he supposed it explained why Draco was already up and out of bed, probably already out in his workshop working on whatever potion he'd been brewing the past week or so.
After a good stretch and pulling his hair up into a messy bun on top of his head, Harry made his way to the kitchen and over to the coffee pot. He frowned again when he found it empty and turned to head outside and make sure Draco was alright.
Before he'd gotten more than a few steps, his eyes caught on a piece of parchment and a familiar hawthorn wand laying on top of the island. "No," he whispered, heart freezing in his chest.
(Read more below the cut)
He picked up the letter off the island with a trembling hand and read
Dearest Harry,
How can I even begin to tell you all that you mean to me? A less cowardly man than I would have found a way to say it to your face, but we both know that bravery is more your department.
You've given me so much, Harry. I could never have imagined falling in love, never imagined that someone might love me in return.
But that's why I had to do this, you see that don't you? Not because I don't love you but because I do.
I love you with every fiber of my being, with all that I am, and you are mine, Harry. And I couldn't let you pay the price for my sins. I couldn't let you give up everything for me.
Granger helped me draw up a contract with the Minister himself, you three certainly have a lot of friends in high places. In exchange for me, they're clearing you of all charges. Don't be angry with her; she just wants what is best for you, as well you must know by this point in your friendship.
I know you're hurting right now, love. I know that this is breaking your big, perfect, beautiful heart; it's breaking the pathetic, shriveled excuse of a heart that I have, too. But it will pass, my darling, if you let it. So please, for me, let it go. Let me go.
Be happy, be in love, live whatever life you want. Travel. Go to the States and do whatever muggle thing you wanted to do. You deserve the best life.
Please know that I will spend the rest of my life grateful for you. And I will never forget the time when you were mine. You are, without exception, the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Forever yours,
Draco
Harry stared at the parchment in his hand, trailing trembling fingers over Draco's elegant script as his eyes blurred and his breathing came too fast. He clenched the letter to his chest, gasping against the ache of his heart expanding to accommodate the sadness and the sense of loss.
Without another thought he apparated straight into Ron and Hermione's kitchen.
"We thought you might show up at some point," Ron's voice said behind him.
Harry whipped around to see them both sitting at the table, "What the fuck did you do?" he asked, voice low and dangerous.
Hermione sighed, "What he asked us to."
"Why?" he asked before the enormity of this situation hit him all over, the realization that he'd never see Draco again stealing the air from his lungs. He bent forward, putting his hands on his knees, "I can't breathe," he managed, trying to suck breath into his lungs and failing.
Ron was at his side in an instant, easing him onto the floor as Hermione appeared in front of him, "let your head drop between your knees. Focus on a slow inhale, slow exhale," she said and Harry tried to sync up his breathing with hers until his heart stopped racing.
He leaned his head back against the wall and scrubbed his hands over his face. "He's gone," he whispered. Then he opened his eyes and looked at them, "How could you let this happen?"
Hermione looked down at her hands, "Draco reached out to me the day after the trial. He said he couldn't trap you, couldn't force you to live a life on the run again."
"And that he couldn't bear the thought of you getting caught," Ron added.
"We wouldn't have gotten caught," he said derisively.
Hermione shook her head, "Maybe not but what about every other person in your life, Harry? You would have spent the rest of your life separated from them."
"We miss you, mate," Ron added.
He shook his head and swiped angrily at the tears in his eyes, "Then we could have figured something out. It had only been a week!" he protested. "Just one week, we could have-" he broke off and covered his mouth. After a heart beat, he stood up, "I can't be here right now. I can't-" he shook his head, "I can't do this."
"Harry-" Hermione started.
"He asked me not to be mad at you," he said, "but I'm-" he broke off, his hands trembling as he tried to open the door. "I need-" he tried again before simply giving up and walking out the door. He needed Draco.
"Harry!" Ron called behind him but he just kept walking.
He'd come back. He'd forgive them. He knew he would, he just needed a little time.
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However, leaving was actually a seemingly bad idea.
In the 30 minutes after he left the house, he learned that part of the "deal" that Draco had struck with Kingsley involved the Ministry being able to tell whatever lies they wanted to about Draco. Some papers claimed that it had been a love potion, some claimed it was a cursed object, some claimed he'd been imperiused.
Harry stood in front of a newsstand, seething as he read the headlines. How could they have let this happen? How could Draco have signed a contract that allowed for this?
And then he saw it: The Quibbler. Draco and Harry were on the front page, just like every other newspaper, but the article was titled, "From the Wrinkspurts: They're in Love". The world tilted, righting itself slightly as a plan started to form in the back of his mind.
He looked up at the man running the stand who'd been just staring at him, "I need one of everything," he said. "I don't have any money but I'll bring-"
"They're yours," the man interrupted, grabbing papers from all the different piles. He even tossed on one for gardening and one for cooking.
"Err," Harry, "Not those ones," he said, nudging the two irrelevant ones away. "Just the ones about me," he added, "At the risk of sounding self centered."
"Whatever you want, mate," the man said. "They're yours."
"Thanks," Harry said, grabbing the stack of them and concentrating so he could apparate through the Ministry's wards because he simply didn't give a fuck anymore.
There was a sound vaguely like glass shattering as Harry popped up in front of the secretary's desk outside of Kingsley's office. She shrieked and a coffee cup went flying, breaking when it hit the ground.
"I'm here to see Kingsley," he said simply.
A hand fluttered up to cover her heart, "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Potter, but he's in a meeting."
"Interrupt it," he said. "I guarantee what I have to say is more important."
"I can't just-"
"Look," Harry interrupted. "Just go and ask him. If he tells you to send me away, that's fine, I'll go."
She appeared to consider this for a moment, then she stood up and made her way to the door, knocking and slipping in.
A moment later she reappeared, "Would you mind waiting for just one moment?" she asked, gesturing to the chairs across from her desk. "He'll be right with you."
It was barely two minutes before three people came hurrying out of the room, avoiding Harry's gaze.
Kingsley followed, "Harry," he greeted, "Please come in."
Harry stood up and followed Kingsley in, not allowing himself to feel inferior because of the sweatpants and t-shirt he was still wearing.
"What can I do for you?" he asked.
"Let Draco Malfoy go," he replied.
Kingsley raised an eyebrow, "You know as well as I do that we're not going to do that. It's not possible."
"I thought you might say that," he replied as he started tossing magazines one by one onto the man's desk. "But you really ought to have told them all the same story."
"What?" the man asked with a laugh, "Why? Why should that matter?"
"Because it's going to make the Ministry look even more incompetent when I tell all of them the truth."
He shrugged, "It's of little concern, it won't matter."
"See, that's where you're wrong," Harry replied. "Because I'm not just going to tell them the truth about Draco Malfoy and his heinous treatment by Ministry officials prior to his trial. I am going to tell them everything and I'm going to watch the Ministry burn."
"Harry, be reasonable," he said. "So you tell everyone your story about finding Malfoy in the Department of Mysteries, garner a little sympathy because he was a teenager and now you're in love," he continued. "But it doesn't take much to drag his name through the mud again. To remind people that he tried to kill Dumbledore, to remind them of the cabinet that let death eaters into Hogwarts, to remind people of the lives that were lost because of him."
Harry's veins burned with rage and it was all he could do to keep himself from lashing out.
Kingsley shook his head, "Do what you must, but your story will never be enough."
He let out a humorless chuckle and leaned forward, bracing his fist on the desk, "I got into the Department of Mysteries within a matter of months. Do you really believe that the only information I got was about Draco Malfoy?"
"You'll be prosecuted, if you disclose any information you obtained illegally" he replied steadily.
"I am Harry fucking Potter," he said with a growl. "If you try to prosecute me, you will have an uprising on your hands. Especially after everything I'm going to expose. So good luck with that, I'll enjoy watching this burn even faster," he said, gesturing to the space around them.
"Harry," he said, "You must know that what you're asking of me simply isn't possible," a hint of desperation creeping into his voice.
The corner of Harry's mouth ticked up, "I'm going to win," he said. "And we both know it." He turned, leaving the magazines spread across his desk. "The only question is how much do you want to see burn before it happens." When he reached the door he called over his shoulder, "I'm holding a press conference tomorrow at six." He looked back at the other man, "You have until then to get him released."
On his way out he cast a patronus that he was sending to Azkaban with a simple message. I'm getting you out.
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Okay, friends. There will be at least one more part of this fic (maybe two) but this is getting too long. <3
Part 9 | Part 11
#veritaserum prompt fic#part 10#drarry#harry is so fed up with the ministry#drarry ficlet#100 drarry drabbles in 100 days#drarry fic#idiots in love#facing problems head on#love#forgiveness#almost to the end#happy ending coming
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The Iron Queen
Summary - The Iron Queen is a legend, a myth even. However, Ivar the Boneless wants to prove her existance. When he does, it's almost as if Fate brings them together, so the two of them can become legendary together....
Pairing - Ivar the Boneless x Female Reader
WordCount - 2, 919
Warnings - Angst, mentions of upcoming battles.
For @youbloodymadgenius 1K Writing Challenge. Congratulations! »»————- ♔ ————-««
Before the Iron Queen became to be, she was a legendary warrior Princess. She was a ruthless and tactful warrior in every sense of the word. There was no weapon she couldn't master, sword, shield, bow and arrow, axe or spear. She could use it all and use them well. In many minds, she was the perfect warrior, a combination of talent and intelligence. Y/N was loved among the warriors alike.
However, that all changed when Y/N became the Iron Queen of Mountmead. Unlike the other Kings, Y/N's Father final wish was to abolish their eldest law. From this day forth, until the end of time, whether the firstborn child is a son or daughter, they would be heir to the throne. Y/N's Father adapted the law to give his only daughter and child the throne.
This angered the surrounding Kings and Lords. Their ideologies were simple. a woman was not fit to rule. A woman was far too emotional to make rational decisions. They were unfit to lead armies and clueless in battle strategy, so the death of the King of Mountmead brought the potential to expand their lands despite the crowing of a new Queen. They had no respect or loyalty to her. They saw Y/N as a weak and passive woman, but they didn't realise how wrong they were.
Within the first several months of her coronation, Y/N and her army encountered six different battles. In every battle, Y/N was there leading her army to defeat the enemies that threatened her people. She refused to be seen as weak.
These battles created and enforced the Queen. She was to be cool and calculating, skilled and intellectual. Y/N made certain she surrounded herself with her closest and loyal advisors. Ser Favian was the head of her Queensguard. He'd also been the head of her Father's Kingsguard. A man who had been there from the day her Father was coronated. Secondly, there was Ser Conadus, head of her army and key battle Strategist. Ser Conadus was also her loyal confidant. After all, he'd been there for every major milestone in her life. There was no circumstance or situation Y/N couldn't speak to Ser Conadus about.
As Ferocious as Y/N was on the battlefield, she still maintained kindness in her heart. She often walked the streets, discussing the issues that were arising and how they could be solved. Y/N was able to provide reassurance to her people. Y/N made time in her day as frequently as possible to see people, to converse with traders. She kept a brave face for them all.
Hidden behind that brave face laid the devasting truth. Life as her people knew it was threatened. The surrounding Lords and Kings made a collective decision to bring their armies together to create an army of the thousands. While the Great Army of Mountmead was no easy defeat. Their numbers were no-where near as large. Y/N didn't know how to solve their issues. Repeatedly, she reached out to offer a truce to the other Lords and Kings, but it was no luck. They all desired Mountmead for themselves and they believed they were going to take it from the Iron Queen. They shared no resources and implemented laws in their Kingdoms. If any person was caught trading with the Iron Queen or any member of Mountmead, they were executed without question. This restricted the Iron Queen to land. No boats, to sail in search of allies. They were stuck. All of them in mortal danger.
Unbeknownst, to Y/N someone, had been looking for her. As fate would have it, the idea of a legendary warrior Princess turned Queen had become a legendary story. It had spread through many Kingdoms and lands with several different variations. Most believed these tales of the Iron Queen to be nothing more than that, tales.
Except one, Ivar the Boneless believed different. Ivar believed the Iron Queen, Y/N of Mountmead, existed and, he was determined to find her. In the beginning, Ivar had no idea where to begin his search, so he sent scouts to the North, South, East and West. When they returned, they came up empty. However, Ivar refused to give in. Ivar proceeded to continue to send his Scouts out each time, further and in different directions. Each time they came up without sight of the Iron Queen.
This continued until one trip the scouts returned to Kattegat with news of the discovery. His latest scouting mission had been a success. With this new information, Ivar knew hr needed to act quickly. Instructing the scouts to gather his brothers into the Great Hall, he sat down and waited for them to arrive. Ivar waited and waited for his brothers when they finally walked in.
"How do I always arrive before you?" Ivar questioned as all of his brothers took their seats.
"Because you decided to meet us here Ivar." Ubbe retorted as he paid attention to his youngest brother.
"Ivar, why have you gathered us here?" Bjorn questioned.
"Because I have found the Iron Queen."
"Your lying!" Sigurd yelled as Ivar smirked. Ivar didn't mind being underestimated. Sigurd was only jealous, he hadn't been able to do it.
"Why would I lie, Sigurd? My scouts have drawn a map to her Kingdom, and I wish to go visit her because she is in terrible danger?"
"Is she as beautiful as they say she is?" Hvitserk questioned. All of his brothers turned to look at him.
"Ivar informs us the Iron Queen is in danger, and that is the first question you have, Hvitserk." Sigurd responds as Hvitserk shrugs."
"A man has to know these things, Sigurd."
"Yes, the Iron Queen is more beautiful than she's described as. However, if someone doesn't help her, then no-one is going to see her beauty in person."
"Why is she in danger? Ubbe questioned as he poured a horn of mead, taking a large sip.
"The surrounding Lords and Kings do not respect her as Queen. When they're from, they believe women are unable to lead and participate in the battle. Although Y/N has been in more battles than most of the surrounding Kings and Lords."
"You say she's been in many battles, so why is she in danger?"
"Because Ubbe, the surrounding Lords and Kings have grouped to create one large army. According to the scouts, the Iron Queen has a decent sized army, but not one large enough to defeat them."
"What's in it for us?" Why should we help a stranger?"
"Isn't it obvious, Bjorn? We go to the Iron Queen, offer ourselves as an ally in exchange for the first selection of any the lands we conquer."
"That seems to be a fair trade. Whatever lands we take can be used as a new settlement and a base for further exploration. I say we go."
"Thank you Hvitserk. Anyone else?"
"I am coming with you," Sigurd responds to Ivar's surprise.
"I will come just to keep an eye on all three of you. Perhaps we should extend the offer to Harald and Halfdan. They could be useful to us."
"That is a good idea, Ubbe. What says you, Bjorn?"
"I shall stay here, make sure Kattegat remains running smoothly. If the God's desire us to meet, it shall be."
That night the sons of Ragnar began to create plans to set sail to Mountmead and the Iron Queen. They set sail with a small part of their army, with the plan that more men would follow days later. Help was coming to the Iron Queen and she didn't even know it.
»»————- ♔ ————-««
Y/n had been in meetings all morning, they'd already attempted to plan out their defence attacks, but there was always a weak spot in their armour. There was no use, they simply needed more men. Men they didn't have.
"My Queen, we will figure it out. They haven't beaten us yet." One of the small council commented as Y/N examined the map once more.
"What we need is a miracle. Unfortunately, they don't happen often and early enough" It was as if someone was listening to her desires as Ser Favian came bursting through the door.
"My Queen, men have arrived on the shore. They hold no banner or sail. They don't appear to be apart of any of the surrounding threats."
"Lord Pollack, will you continue to lead this meeting in my absence. Ser Conadus will you accompany me to the Thron, Ser Favian will you gather some of the Queensguard to watch the remaining men. Bring the leaders to the throne room."
"Yes, of course, My Queen." They nodded and bowed respectfully as Y/N already stepped away from the meeting with Ser Conadus flanked her as she feared the worst.
"Nicholas, I don't think I can deal with any further setbacks. We're already at war on land, we can't compete with threats from the ocean as well."
"Relax my dear. ;Perhaps this is a beneficial meeting. You need to keep calm, just because we're at war doesn't mean everyone's a threat. Remember, your lessons." As the large, solid oak doors opened, someone announced the Iron Queen as she raised her head high, removing any emotion in her mind and gaze.
Although Y/N's attention was already directed towards one of the men in front of her. All of the men had knelt except one."
"I told you to kneel." Ser Favian attempted to force the man onto his knees, but Y/N noticed the glimmer of the buckle her pace quickened.
"Ser Favian, can you not see the restraints on his legs . Since when did we treat our guests so poorly." Ser Favian backed away immediately kneeling.
"I'm sorry, forgive Ser Favian it was a simple misunderstanding." Noticing a chair in the corner, Y/N walked over and picked up the chair and brought it up towards the man, placing it behind him.
That's when Y/N caught the first proper glimpse of the man. The piercing blue eyes, the muscular arms, his smirk etched onto his face as he observed your expression scan all over him. You hadn't glanced at his brothers, Harald or Halfdan or Floki. Just him.
Ivar was just as mesmerised by her as she was him. Y/N was just as beautiful as his scouts had told him she was. She was both assertive and confident. Ivar wanted to know her and no-one was going to stop him from getting what he know desired the most.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, My Queen. My name is Ivar the Boneless, these are my brothers, as well as Harald Finehair, Halfdan the Black and Floki. We are here to offer our services." Ivar confidently took ahold of Y/N's hand without, hesitating brought her knuckles up and brushed his lips against them. Ivar did not miss the way her eyes widened in shock, momentarily before her composure regained.
"Y/N lowered her head as she stepped back towards the steps to her throne once she was seated, she called for everyone to raise as she once more looked towards Ivar the Boneless.
"You wish to offer your services to me, and the Kingdom of Mountmead, why?"
"I believe together we could be an unstoppable force. We have all heard of your battles and the current threat that you have surrounding you. My Queen, we have the numbers you need." Tuning to Ser Conadus, Y/N examined his gaze as she attempted to read his expression.
"What would you receive in return for your men?"
"First choice of any land that is gained in the result of war." Truth be told, Y/N was beginning to run out of strategic options and perhaps Ivar and the rest of them was her only hope.
"I accept your terms Ivar the Boneless. Ser Favian will see that the rest of the men are given a warm place to sleep. Ser Conadus, would you see that Ivar the Boneless and the rest of his party settle in well."
"Wait my Queen, I have a gift for you." One of Ivar's brothers, called someone forward as they laid a box onto the ground, standing Y/N walked down the stairs as two of Y/N's guard lifted the lid. In the box, it appeared to be a shield with bright colours painted on it.
"Thank you-"
"Hvitserk, my Queen." Smiling, Y/N could already tell that Hvitserk that was the most mischievous out of all of the brothers.
"Thank you Hvitserk." Once more, another brother stepped forward, this time he insisted on carrying the box towards the Iron Queen. Once the lid was lifted it, it revealed a strange looking instrument.
“I an teach you to play it, if you’d like my Queen.”
“Thank you, that would be lovely-”
“Sigurd, my Queen.”
“Thank you, Sigurd.”
“My Queen, I have one last gift for you. Unfortunately, it does not fit through the castle walls.” Ivar’s voice broke Y/N’s concentration and soon the two of them were accompanied by Ser Conadus and Floki. As Y/N continued to walk silently, Y/N kept pace with Ivar as the two appeared to be heading to the docks.
“Your Grace, why are people so threatened by a woman?” Floki questioned as Y/N turned towards Floki.
“In these parts, a woman is believed to be unable to rule. Women are unable to rule because they believe they are unable to think clearly or learn the ways of War. According to them, they shouldn’t have to fight to take my Kingdom, I should bow and give it to them,”
“We can’t let that happened now can we. Don’t worry Iron Wueen, we will bring them to their knees.” The four of them stepped onto the docks, Y/N glanced around them, wondering what it could be.
“Turn around my Queen.” Turning around, there was a boat. It was unlike any boat Y/N had seen before stepping closer, was her gift on the boat?
“What do you think my Queen?” Ivar questioned as Y/N was still unsure what Ivar had given her. Then it dawned on her.
“The boat, it’s mine. I couldn’t possibly except it.”
“Why not? The other boat builders refuse to build you a boat so Floki build you a boat. It could be one of many perhaps, if you so desired.”
“I wouldn’t know the first thing about sailing or running a boat.”
“Don’t worry. we can show you, your Grace/” Floki replied as the wind blew while the flag gushed in the wind.
“Thank you, both of you. You have no idea how important and appreciated this is for me and my Kingdom.”
“You are more than welcome. I believe this is a start to a beautiful relationship.”
»»————- ♔ ————-««
The next few days, were manic, as new voices gave new insight and strategies. Their culture was vastly different from Y/N’s, they’re war and battle strategies gave Y/N a unique way of seeing the up and coming battle.
One thing that Y/N noticed immediately was the high intensity of the sons of Ragnar sibling rivalry, specifically between Ivar and Sigurd.
Each time she began a discussion with either one of them, she could practically feel the glares at the back of her head. It only proved her point, they were always trying to compete with one another.
One morning in particular, Y/N had broken her fast early so she could take a peaceful morning walk, before chaos ensured.
What should have been a peaceful walk turned into Sigurd following her around discussing how terrible his younger brother was/ Y/N kept quiet while she listened to Sigurd go on about how vicious his brother was. According to Sigurd, Ivar was a monster who had no right to be in her company. Sigurd told her to listen to his words carefully.
Y/N had listened to his words closely, except she’d drawn a completely different conclusion. It was clear to Y/N that Ivar did have his fair share of problems, he was often angry and nearly always had a sombre attitude. Except Y/N was able to dig through the initial layer and realise how much more there was to him.
While Y/N had appreciated Sigurd’s advice, she’d informed him that she could make her own judgement on Ivar and the rest of them. When her and Sigurd parted ways, he warned her once more.
»»————- ♔ ————-««
Later that night as Y.N headed to her chambers, tired from yet another day of back to back small council meetings and war strategy meetings. Y/N had grown tired and in desperate need of sleep.
Y/N should have known that nothing was ever that simple as she was walking past Ivar’s room, she heard a commotion. Barging through the door, she became quickly aware that Ivar was one the floor in some form of distress.”
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t need your help!” Ivar snapped, however, the Iron Queen knelt onto the ground beside him.”
“Okay, then I shall sit with you then.”
“Wouldn’t you rather spend time with my brother, Sigurd” Y/N rolled her eyes sitting down on the floor, she stretched her legs so they were diagonally with each other.
“I gather you never heard the end of the conversation. If you had you would have heard myself inform Sigurd that I am capable of making my own decisions. For sometime now Ivar you had my curiosity but now you have my attention” Ivar smirked, this conversation was about to get interesting.
#youbloodymadgenuis1kcelebration#Ivar the Boneless imagines#Ivar the boneless imagine#Vikings imagines#Vikings imagine#Ivar the boneless oneshot#Ivar the Boneless one shot#Vikings one shot#Vikings oneshot#Ivar imagines#Ivar imagine#Ivar one shot#Ivar oneshot#Ivar the boneless x Reader
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hey kinda heavy ace attorney question ig but I agree with you on many things about aa and feel like you have a good understanding of Phoenix and Trucy so I really wanna ask. How do you think the creation of the bloody ace was handled? I’ve seen the idea that Trucy took matters into her own hands and made it as a failsafe without his knowledge, and that he then covered for her, but if that were the case I wonder how he knew about it and planned around it at his trial. I’ve also seen the idea that he made it himself, but gave it to her for delivery to Apollo; which maybe seems the most apparent but I really dislike it because…. It means he uses her to deliver forged evidence. In much the same way he was given the diary page, really. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve also seen some people suggest that he made it but only gave it to her for use at her discretion, which does give some agency back to her but I also question whether Phoenix would be right in placing that on her shoulders and making it her responsibility. Sorry this expanded into a ridiculously long ask but I really am curious about your take on it?
eoooh yes yes yes i love talking about phoenix and trucy lets goooooo. i actually have a scene from my (still pretty rough and probably never to be finished) wip longfic covering this scene, which ill sick below the cut, but i'll just give my generic thoughts here first.
i think phoenix asked her to do it. trucy having enough detailed knowledge of the crime scene and the events leading up to it and the actual mechanical operation of trials that would be required in order to come up with this plan just doesn't make any sense to me. phoenix is really the only one who could have theoretically concocted this particular move. but since he was presumably held in the detention center until trial, trucy is from there really the only person who could have actually done the thing.
phoenix and trucy are pretty notoriously codependent; i'm headachey and melting from the heat today so rather than doing what i normally do and trawling the wiki to find the quotes that back me up on broadstrokes statements like these so i'm just gonna pull a 'dude just trust me' moment here. the fact that she helps take care of her daddy is a point of pride for her. i don't think it strips trucy of any agency for this to be phoenix's decision because it's not like trucy spends her whole life (or even the entire game) blindly following other peoples orders. her (and phoenix's ) priority at the beginning of aa4 is each other and their own wellbeing, and the decisions they have to make in turnabout trump are indicative of that.
yes, it echoes her bringing the forged evidence to phoenix 7 years ago, but it's more of an inversion/reversal (one might even say a turnabout) than a repetition of past mistakes. in the past she was an unwilling pawn in someone else's plan where her life was collateral, now she's an active and conscious participant in the plan of someone she cares about that she's doing to protect the life she and phoenix have built for themselves. She's not being forced to do it, but i don't think there's any world where she would have said no either. she and phoenix are the most important thing in the world to each other. in their own words, if one of them falls, they both fall.
was it right of phoenix to ask this of her? was it okay for him to do this to apollo, too? obviously it's not a good thing. but it was his only option at that moment. phoenix found himself in a very difficult situation. as an attorney he promised himself to the truth, and that was the principle he lived by, but as a father what he lives by is the promise he made to trucy to never disappear on her. at that moment phoenix did what he had to do to make sure the trial ended the way he needed it to. truth had to take a backseat. his priorities have shifted.
i've also spoken before at length about how i don't think phoenix was plotting against kristoph in the longterm, at least not to the degree which popular fanon seems to agree upon. so really everything he did in turnabout trump was phoenix being backed into a corner using every tool at his disposal to try and snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat. was it right of him to get trucy involved? it's no worse than bringing 8 year old pearl along to crime scenes because he needed her channeling skills. phoenix cares about people deeply but he isn't capable of shielding them from all the harm the world has to offer, and he knows he isn't. half of his capability comes from his shrewdness and willingness and ability to take help when he can get it because he knows, even if its a strain in a short term, he's fighting battles that need to be won at any cost. if that makes any sense
anyway heres the little scene i wrote below the cut.
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APRIL 17TH, 2026
DETENTION CENTER VISITOR’S ROOM
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Trucy shows up on the dot as visiting hours begin. It’s funny, she thinks. The last time she did this she had a different daddy altogether. Only it really isn’t particularly funny at all, is the thing about it, and she’s going to have quite a few stern words for the man when he gets home.
She picks up the phone on one side of the pane of bulletproof glass and he grabs the other.
“Daddy,” she huffs. “You promised me you’d stay out of trouble.”
“I know, I know, I’m so sorry, Truce.” He puts on an easy smile as he says it, and he uses the same affected tone of voice she had used to start the conversation off. Affected. Cautious, in the sense that it’s levity is entirely manufactured. A performance.
It had been like that between them for real at the beginning, both of them still unsure of each other, pantomiming something resembling a sitcom and playing the real feeling filled in as it went. Thankfully, it did, but the theatrics still lend themselves better to specific conversation.
“Well, if you’re sorry, I suppose I can forgive you! But this isn’t going to look good on your employee review, y’know. I’ll have to bring it up with HR.”
“I’m sure Charley can find it in his heart to forgive me, too.”
“He’s a gentle soul.” She nods.
“You should come watch the trial on Monday, I think it’d be good for you to see.”
“Oh? And why’s that?” Trucy doesn’t like the courthouse. Daddy knows that. She never comes when he goes to use the library there. She also hates, hates the idea of watching her daddy sit in the defendant’s chair not knowing if he’s ever going to come home again. He knows that too.
“Well, there are always interesting things to learn during a court trial. Plus, having you there would help me out a lot!” I need you to do something for me. She reads through the tone into his words’ real meaning. Her stomach clenches. A favor he can’t just outright ask for, not over the phone in the detention center, where every word would be recorded.
“Oh, daddy, no! I’m a magician, not a lawyer, although I understand the confusion.” She drapes a hand over her eyes in faux anguish. “I simply couldn’t, it isn’t my stage.”
“I disagree. I think it’s a perfect stage. Lawyers need cheering up too, you know! Back when I was a lawyer, I used to get really stressed out during cases like these. I bet one of your tricks would do the job.”
“Well what sort of trick do you want me to do?”
“Do you remember the first trick you ever did for me? It was the day we met, at the courthouse. You pulled a piece of paper out of your hat and gave it to me.”
“Yes,” she chirps, forcing a vibrant bubble into her voice. It feels like a pile of rocks in her gut and her pulse starts to quicken. “Of course I remember!”
“I bet if you did that trick again, it’d cheer up the whole courtroom! I bet I’d win my case in a heartbeat.”
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Her legs feel like jelly by the time the bus drops her off at the stop near the office. Daddy had kept on like that, loaded phrasing and a lopsided smile as he laced vapid banter with instructions. With warnings. She walks into the storage closet and grabs a deck of cards - one of his, the same style they use at the club, not hers for her tricks. Abruptly, she has a moment of panic as she realizes she’s not even sure what color she’s supposed to use, but then, just as fast, she forces her head clear and just grabs one of each.
They’re unopened. This makes it a cinch to find the card she’s looking for. Her stomach flips.
The worst part isn’t even what she’s doing. The worst part is that she’s doing it at all. Daddy knows well what this situation is making her feel and he’s asking her to do it anyway.
The only explanation left: he’s completely out of options.
She pulls her gloves off and grabs a needle from her sewing supplies. She pricks her finger, and lets a drop fall onto each ace.
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Cross Contamination
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I'm fucking furious. To most people Jack Wilson is a hockey hotshot, but to me he is just my wife's ex that can't let go. She said they had another encounter, but wouldn't go into details, saying it wasn't just his fault. She couldn't help herself, she said. Knowing how much she loathes him I suspect she was afraid of him turning violent. He is a star athlete after all, known to have punched more than a few players on the ice.
I know he's training at the stadium right now. That's how bad it has gotten, that I even know his schedule. I'm probably speeding getting there, but nothing else is important right now. I park the car in the huge, but almost empty parking. Neverending slabs of concrete to allow for the cars of thousands of cheering fans during game day. Well, I'm certainly not a fan. Still fuming as I exit the car and heading towards the arena I see him and a few others from his team running towards the same building from across the car park. They must be out for cardio or something. I stop and shout towards them "Hey! Jack!"
I can see them slow down a little, Jack saying something to them, and then breaking apart jogging in my direction while they continue at speed towards the stadium building. I remain still, just glaring at him as he closes in on me. He slows down quite a bit away and saunters towards me, still panting. He has an aura of smug superiority. He's good looking, despite his matted, sweaty hair and week-old beard. It's not just because he's in top shape, but he has that classic athlete chin cut, and mesmerizing eyes to go with it too. He's quite a bit shorter than me, and way denser and muscled, but I would bet my weekly martial arts practice can match him if needed. "Hey, cocksucker! You managed to find your way here," he yells back at me.
"I want you to know..."
"Shut up"
I don't know why, but I can't look away from his intense eyes. It's like they can see into me, see every part of me. I'm frozen in place just watching him getting closer. "I said hey cocksucker. What are you waiting for? Go ahead and suck my cock." He says this as calmly as he can, never breaking eye contact. I don't think he blinks. I don't think I blink. I slowly go down on my knees, grabbing the hem of his sweatpants, and pull down. I still keep eye contact, so I have to feel my way for the waistband of his underwear to pull it down too. I can feel the heat radiate from his steaming body. There's a smell of sweat, not the stale, musky kind, but from someone who showers every day and uses fresh clothes for each workout. He's professional and they got staff. I can hear his heavy breath as he is still recovering from the sprint. And I can feel a rather large cock in front of me that is erect, or at least a good way there. I grab it in my hands and guide the tip to my lips and begin to lick it. It doesn't really taste of much. I open my mouth and get more and more of his compression shirt wrapped abs and pecs in my view as I stare into his deep eyes, and take his big cock deeper and deeper into my mouth.
The tip reaches some point at the back of my mouth and I start to gag, making horrendous gurgling noises. I move back from him. "All the way. I want to be balls deep down your throat, cocksucker." I do as he commands, and push it in again, further. It's somehow much easier this time and my lips are tickled by his moist bush of pubes. I then start to work it, in and out, in and out. The noise I'm making is still horrendous. A wet, sloshy sound, and I hate it. "Yeah, you like that, cocksucker. Now, faster." I grab him by the hip and increase the pace. I get lost in the actions, like nothing matters but his cock, the noise, and his eyes.
I don't know for how long I was in a trance, but I feel him tensing up, pulling me tight to him, and shooting a big load of his cum down my throat. Suddenly the gaze that had held me like a vice breaks and he looks at my face rather than into my eyes. The spell is broken. I'm kneeling in a parking lot with Jack Wilson's cock down my throat, and my nose nuzzled into his pubes. His eyes suddenly widen, and his face turns into horror, like he is looking at a monster. Everything is going like in slow motion. I begin to push him away, to get his disgusting cock out of my mouth as he shoots his second load. Somehow in shock I manage to breathe in his cum. He pulls away from me as well, and his third load ends up just next to me on the concrete. "Fuck!" he says, visibly upset. "It's still in the bloodstream. Spit it out! Spit it out!"
I'm not sure I even have any in my mouth to spit out. It just went straight into my belly and into my lungs. Lungs that are desperately trying to cough up his spunky goo in phlegm-filled, deep whoops. "Fuck!" he shouts one last time, pulls up his sweatpants, and runs towards the Stadium building with one hand holding the pants up. I'm just folded over on my knees coughing and coughing while my mind is racing to make sense of what just happened. My chest is burning and I feel nauseated. There is the salty, bitter taste of cum in my mouth and a stench of athlete sweat as I gasp for air in between the coughs. I keep coughing, but less and less of substance is coming up. I spit out specks of Jack's spunk on the concrete in front of me, and realize what she had meant when she said she couldn't help herself. Did he fuck her? After what just happened I wouldn't put anything past Jack, and there is literally nothing I wouldn't forgive her for having done. She would have been helpless to stop.
I can feel my whole body burning as I get up from the concrete. I'm very aware how my clothes rubs against my body, like my senses have just gone into overdrive. Everything, every single muscle in my body feels sore. My head is spinning. Still coughing I stagger towards my car and get in behind the wheels. As I close the door the world goes silent. I can only hear my own exhausted panting. I'm confused about what is happening and feel sick as shit, but at least the world isn't spinning anymore. Somehow I must have been poisoned. What did he mean with "in the bloodstream?"
I start the car and carefully drive from the parking lot and out in the direction of home. Perhaps I shouldn't be driving at all. Crashing while driving is worse than crashing while sitting in a parking lot, but I really don't want to have to call anyone for help. Not after what I've just been through. I so sympathize with the movie cliché of a girl sobbing in the shower. I only want to cleanse myself in any way possible. To get rid of Jack from me. Even now I can feel the smell of athletic sweat, like it was clinging on to me.
There is a big pop accompanied by one of the chest buttons on my shirt shooting off in the car. The pop isn't so much heard as felt, as a reverberation in my body like someone just punched me in the chest, with dull spikes of pain in the joints. I swerve dangerously close to the side of the road. It feels like my shoulders pops into their sockets, like my chest just suddenly expands and the rest of my body catches up. There is no mirror I can look in, but I can clearly see something is off just by looking down at my body. What little movement I can make while driving the car feels different.
There is another big shift. Knees and hip joints this time, I think. I'm a little more prepared to handle that one without swerving, but this time I'm instead missing the brake pedal like the seat is set wrong. I scoot forward on the seat and reach the pedal. Now I'm getting real nervous what is happening. I'm almost home though, but I can feel my thigh muscles involuntarily flexing, my feet are hurting, and my stomach is gurgling like bad plumbing.
Her car is not home yet, thank God. I park mine as calmly as I can, screaming inside that I need to get inside and see what the fuck is going on. As I step out of the car I get a first inkling about the enormity of the changes. I almost trip stepping out of the car, and sit down again on the edge of the seat. The fabric on the trousers are straining, and I realize that my feet are probably hurting because they have swollen up inside the shoes. I try to kick off one of the sneakers, but it's stuck enough that I have to untie them. My movements feel off. It's not that it is hard to move. The opposite in fact, but different somehow. Me feet thanks me in relief as they are freed,
With the shoes off I awkwardly make my way into the house and step into the nearest bathroom. It's me in the mirror, of course, but me 5-10 years younger. I'm touching my face in disbelief. But this isn't just me regressed a decade in time. I was way taller than this then. Curious I unbutton the remaining buttons on my shirt and throw it on the floor. The chest and abs are not me 5-10 years ago. I've never looked this buff before. For one I've never had washboard abs, and the pecs and shoulders are wide and meaty. The arms more slender, though still muscular, and the core is built more for function than aesthetics. A bit too dense for the show off V shape. Dense, with a low center of gravity.
It's the body of a hockey player.
I rip off the straining trousers and the socks. Sure enough, massive leg muscles, big thighs, big ass, big feet. Jack the fucking cheater is a fraud in all areas. Whatever the fuck he is taking must have concentrated in his balls, shot into my lungs, and from there gone straight into my bloodstream to do whatever the fuck it's done to me. And there is nothing I can do to hurt him with it. Who would believe me? This is so far from any science I've heard of.
I take a closer look in the mirror again. Perhaps it isn't all bad after all.
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is it just me who thinks that both versions of the darkling suck at manipulation? it's obvious that show Darkles was just not trying at all because he fell in love pretty much at first sight, but I don't think book Darkles was very good at it either? Alina never really becomes dependent on him at all, he very obviously did not set out to seduce her romantically (despite the retcon in R&R) and even seems to be avoiding her at points. Alina is never convinced at any point that he's into her beyond physically lol. I definitely do not believe book Darkles when he tried to say he wouldn't have collared her if she hadn't run away though - she was going to end up in it eventually no matter what. I think he did a good job of feeding her insecurity around her summoning but beyond that...I mean he couldn't even get her to be loyal to HIM let alone all the Grisha. What are your thoughts?
I don't know what was in the script, but Ben plays the Darkling like a lovesick puppy with TERRIBLE game because he hasn't been on a date in like 300 years ☠️
Like, the whole "darkles manipulated alina" narrative in the show is a fucking joke to me because all I see is fucking idiot who is genuinely like *shocked pikachu face* when Alina hates him for putting that collar on her like "whaaat? She doesn't like that I killed a magical deer for her and used it's antlers to gift her this awesome necklace that gives her a massive power boost??? Why is she yelling at me like that??"
Like, dude. Buy her dinner first 😂
The only time I feel like he actually manipulates her is when he implies they're going to destroy the Fold but then he's like "pfffft why would be destroy it when it's the greatest weapon we have" and she's like "YOU LIED!!" and then Ben has this truly hammy moment where he does this dramatic ass villain turn while his face is obscured by darkness but even then it's like "Yeah, she hates me now but she'll forgive me in t-minus 15 years and then the wedding is back on" 🤡
The story tries so hard to be like "he's pURe EviL!!1" and it's literally just darkles looking at Alina with literal TEARS in his eyes or even bothering to show so much genuine emotion when he doesn't even have to because Alina isn't even in the damn scene to witness it 😂
Like that time he was acting like a heartbroken 15 year old when he gets roasted by Kaz or stands on the other side of the door after Alina left and all you can do is point and laugh at this immortal dumbass like
So maybe there was *an attempt* by Show!Darkling to manipulate Alina at the start but that pretty much went out the window when she first started yelling at him and he immediately decided to plan their immortal married life together like a hopeless dork:
In conclusion: show!Darkling is a hopeless simp whose entire eViL pLaN got derailed because he caught feelings for an angry sunbeam 😌
As for book!Darkling, he at least didn't get his plan derailed until much later and unlike his show counterpart, actively HATED his crush on Alina? Like it was a massive fucking inconvenience to him and he'd be so embarrassed to see the absolute simping clownery that show!Darkling got into that he'd probably fake his death again.
But the other thing about the book is that book!Alina herself is so desperate for approval and a place to belong that she makes it very easy to manipulate and play on her emotions.
The reason book!Darkling comes across as more morally grey is because a lot of his actions always end up serving like two different purposes (one of them working in Alina's favour, and the other self-serving):
He deliberately keeps Mal's letters away from her to try and cut her connections to the past, but this actually ends up being a good thing because even Alina later admits that had he not sabotaged her communications with Mal, there's no way she would have learned to summon her power on her own (In the show, it comes across more like Darkles is low-key jealous that Alina has a strapping boyfriend and he probably cries himself to sleep reading their letters lmao)
He initially stands up to Alina getting railed on by Baghra when her summoning is weak because he doesn't really need her to be a good summoner if he can just strap a collar on her BUT this ends up helping Alina feel better about herself because he's like the only person who ever advocates for her or gently encourages her
He lies to her about destroying the Fold but his plan actually makes a lot more sense, especially looking at the complete clusterfuck Ravka became after the Fold got destroyed lmao 😂
You could argue his first kiss is pure calculation because he wanted Alina to be loyal to him with something other than duty or fear, but his second kiss at the Winter Fete was literally just him losing his cool and he even admits he doesn't want to give in to his "weak" puny mortal emotions, but this implies there is still some humanity left in him
Had Baghra not shown up to warn Alina, it's likely Alina would have worn the stag collar with 100% consent because she was looking forward to it, but she likely would not have consented to him using her powers to expand the Fold so when he says "that was never my intention" with regards to collaring Alina, I think he really means that it was never his intention to collar her without her consent but he decided he was gonna do it anyway once she ran off....however, I think he's being deliberately vague by leaving off the part where he planned on using her power to destroy a village lmao
So while I think book!Darkling definitely manipulates her because he's a man for whom the ends always justify the means, it still leaves me feeling kinda "meh" about the whole thing because had Alina been a more morally grey character herself, they could have literally just taken over the world???? the wasted potential 😭
#the darkling#darklina#viv answers#dorksander#why leigh why#this answer was a rambling mess pls ignore
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The After Math Of Their First Time.
Now in the after math we have an even more confused Armando. While Betty has had yet another dream of hers become a reality.
As I mentioned in my previous post regarding this night(Forgive Me Post) when Armando goes to drop off Betty he brings up the fact that it wasn't Betty's first time(he wasn't her first) he asks her: Beatriz , who were you with before[me]? when she stays silent and worries her mouth Armando's demeanor changes.
"There was another man in your life, right?" She stopped making eye contact with him before he asked this question and nods while swallowing hard, briefly makes eye contact and tells him:
"Yes Sir. There was someone. I had a relationship before[you]."
"Nicolas Mora?" Armando says not missing a beat nor a second. His lips sit in a tight line while he examines Betty.
"No." She says in a low voice, swallows hard and shakes her head. Since her behavior and mannerisms all go in hand with what she's saying; Armando who is a man who is good at manipulating people based on body language(not as good as Mario though) believes her. He stops staring at her, turns to look in front of him and looks to take a breath of relief. "It was somebody else but I don't like talking about that." He turns to stare at her.
"No, I don't want to make you uncomfortable either." He seems more relaxed here than he did seconds ago "Let's not talk about it anymore."
I briefly touched on the subject in the last post that Armando was jealous in this scene, however, what type of jealousy? I would like to expand on this here.
(If you haven't yet; read post Nicolas Mora Is Better Than You before you continue reading this post.)
Jealousy is a bunch of feelings summed into one: Insecurity, inadequacy, resentment, hopelessness, and/or disgust.
While Armando does feel possessive of Betty as an object, harbors feelings of animosity against Nicolas he also is jealous of not only Betty(and her "relationship" w Nic) but Nicolas. He is extremely jealous of him and not only because he is a threat in an economic level or even a romantic level but because he is a threat in all aspects.
To really understand this lets ignore what I said in the previous post about how Armando isn't the one that is actively in Betty's personal life and how he only gets glimpse of it or how Don Hermes approves of Nicolas.
Lets completely ignore that Nicolas is in Terra Moda, Betty is the owner of Eco Moda and working for Armando.
Let's pretend that Betty and Armando met one day and they established a friendship of sorts. Maybe they shopped at the same grocery store, maybe Armando and her interacted when she worked at the banks(bc she never got fired) and from there formed a friendship of sorts.
Though things were always impersonal, Betty had a small crush on Armando who went to the bank on a regular biases where they talked about money blah blah blah and Armando slowly started to wonder about Betty and her personal life and one day Armando finds out Betty has a boyfriend.
He finds out when he goes to the bank by overhearing Betty talking with a work friend about it(in this scenario we'll also be forgetting that he is extremely obsessed with perfection) and he asks her about it once their meeting is over and she tells him she doesn't have one but he ponders about this on his own and becomes paranoid about his feelings and investigates who Nicolas is by asking said work friend of Betty's about Nicolas.
He finds out Nicolas is a man desired my many women, who is relatively economically comfortable, is extremely smart and that Betty's dad, who hates everyone, approves of him and that they see each other mostly every single day and that he's always around and that she's stupidly in love with him and that Nicolas, even though he's a good looking man and who has women fawning and crazy about him is also interested in Betty so he isn't a superficial man and cares about the substance of people which means Betty is really exquisite, but that they aren't actually dating because he hasn't made a move on Betty(I combined what Mario, Bertha, and Mariana said).
What Armando knows of his feelings is that he looks forward to seeing Betty when he goes to the bank because she's always so kind and accommodating to him and communicative as well and that she's always personally helping him so they are constantly communicating and he looks forward to it. He knows that Betty is a smart woman and that she also has really wonderful qualities that he likes and because she's also so unconditional with him he thought maybe Betty liked him, that it made sense she'd be like that towards him and that it made him feel special but now he finds out that somebody else has Betty's heart.
So he decides to ask her out and they embark into this affair of sorts(We're also ignoring the sinister plan). However while he is still curious and wondering about how Betty's personal life is and how her inner world is, Betty hasn't welcomed him into it yet. Better yet Betty keeps him at arms length and though he has been somewhat honest and invited her into his personal life he still stands on the outside meanwhile Nicolas remains on the inside and he isn't leaving any time soon.
Armando begins to resent that Betty isn't letting him in while he has let her in, he begins to resent Nicolas for taking Betty away from him one way or another. He feels that he isn't as important or as special as he thought he was and this makes him insecure as a person. He begins to feel inadequate, for the first time in his life, in the romantic front.
So this night after Betty and him have finally taken their relationship to the next step he angrily asks her if Nicolas was her first.
Why do I bring this make believe up?
We're so clouded by the past actions and who Armando is in the core of it all and his complexities that I'm neglecting this important fact. Armando doesn't just view Nicolas as competition, he feels inadequate next to Nicolas and as he told Betty, he imagined and thought he'd be her first(it most likely is also that he thought no man would have slept with Betty up until he did).
It's why he repeatedly told Mario that he couldn't do that to her. He wasn't talking about not being able to physically make himself have sex with her because she's "ugly". He was talking about the morality of it. That he couldn't take something so valuable from Betty with deception, that he couldn't be the man that she gave her first experience to when he didn't love her because he knew how it would impact her, how it would hurt her when he ended the relationship and he couldn't bring himself to do that to her(however like I already pointed out, while Betty was being vulnerable Armando began to fall in love and that's what made him want to sleep with her).
So when they finally do sleep together Armando is disappointed that he isn't her first time and when he asks her about it and she confirms it, he now fears that Nicolas was her first time. He fears that Betty gave herself, her first experience to him because it means that Nicolas managed to figure his feelings out before him, that Nicolas was better than him both morally and as a man.
He wants to be part of Betty's personal life. He desires to be in her inner circle. We see this when he hears Don Hermes express himself about Nicolas. When he knows that Nicolas has dinner with her family, that he spends time inside her house. He knows what Don Hermes thinks of him[Armando] because he heard him say he'd fight him the night he hid behind their couch(Brutas! La Policía! post). It isn't just that Nicolas could be better than him now, it's Nicolas could be the one to possess something so intimate of Betty's now.
So when Betty explains that Nicolas wasn't her first time all of a sudden the resentment leaves him and he agrees to not talk about it. However Betty's behavior leaves him a lot more curious. Now this confession of Betty's leaves him picado. I imagine that he probably ponders about her first time wonders why she was so off by it, why she doesn't like talking about it. He wonders about the relationship she had before him and who that man was and how it ended. He probably wonders if Nicolas knows about it and again how Nicolas manages to hold something he desperately wants: her trust.
He respects her desire to not want to speak about it and they say goodnight.
I already talked about the argument Marcela and Armando have when he gets to the apartment in the last post but since that post was so rushed and I was like twelve hours in writing that post I just half-baked it so I'll try to briefly, but in-depth, break it down.
As Armando enters his apartment, like a guilt-free man, he plays with his dog(I'mma call this lost soldier GBNF (Gone But Not Forgotten)) and pets him, we hear Betty's monologue.
I've touched on this in previous post, specifically the Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True, the way that scene and this scene are presented is to show us that what we hear Betty saying is what Armando is thinking, I explained it in detail in that post so if you haven't read it, I recommend you do :)
While Betty says "He told me that he loved me but he also proved it to me with actions." we see Armando pondering over this as he stops interacting with GBNF probably telling himself 'I told her I loved her and this time seggs was different, I was different... could I love her? Nah it's probably not that.' except that instead of being able to go into his room to mediate on the night and its events he finds Marcela on his bed.
[I talked about the parallels in my rant post and the Forgive Me post]
While Marcela is mad and Armando is pretending to care that she is and trying to defend himself he behaves towards her very differently here. The day Betty tried a new look Armando told Mario that the only thing that keeps him with Marcela, at least the only good thing about their relationship, was the seggs and that he was satisfied with it, it's why he always gave into her manipulation because even if he wasn't in the mood, even if he told her no, even when he did so out of guilt and responsibility he still got off and at least that was worth it(that's like actually really sad. He needs a therapist for another reason now, bb get you some support and help). As we know this time he plain out rejects her and doesn't allow for her to manipulate him and when she tries to he turns her down.
Marcela throws it in his face that she had been calling him but he hadn't answered the phone since they last spoke and Armando goes on to angrily explain that next time they won't agree to speak until the next day and that he'll constantly call her and report himself so she can control him like a little kid, that every five minutes he can remind her who he is and he looks so pissed and done, like emotionally just frustrated with this argument.
Yes we know Marcela has a reason to not trust him but she feeds the cycle of her own as well. It would be so easy for her to remove herself from the situation/relationship but the problem here isn't that Armando cheats and gaslights her, the problem here is that Marcela doesn't want to let go of him. She feels entitled to him and because of this entitlement she completes the circle of hell. Again I'm not saying that Armando is innocent, he's not, he's a cheating scumbag, but she knew this before they got engaged, like she knew what she was getting herself into and she still wanted in and when they got engaged she felt entitled to all of him(I talk about this in like mostly every post, for once I'd like to write something good about her lol).
Marcela then stops arguing, you can tell she feels guilty for it and reaches out to him, placing her hands on his shoulders but he moves and pulls her hands from him and steps away from her and lays on his bed while Marcela gets on her knees, beside his bed and explains that she was only worried about him, that she thought something bad had happened to him.
Unlike with Betty, who asked him if he felt ill because of the drinks, who had her arms around him(though sometimes he looked like he wanted to take them off of him) when she asked him this and he said he was fine or maybe the drinks were affecting him, Betty told him she'd make him feel better, he asked her how, she said with her kisses and bam consenting make-out town.
The parallel of this is Marcela expressing "worry" about Armando, who tells her he's fine.
"I just want to go to the bathroom wash up, get in my pijamas, and go to bed."
"No, I can't wait that long." She says and starts to kiss him and undress him but he tells her:
"Marcela, Please." he pleas.
"It doesn't matter , you're fine as you are, please." She begs him in a I guess seductive way?
However Armando has barely touched her, when she neared him he kept his hands up in the air, only has one hand on her back as if trying to pull her from him. He then stares at her, with a cold stare of rejection(I think he's thinking to himself 'did she not hear me? I said no. I said no!') and Marcela reacts offended.
"What's your problem? Do you not want to be with me? Do you want me to leave?" She asks with an angry tone and arms folded in front of her. Armando now stares at her with fear.
Which is different from when Betty asked him if he wanted to no longer be with her and go to Marcela's apartment. When she asked him if he was feeling bad, and if he wanted to drop her off home. Armando explained to her it wasn't that but it was just getting late, however at the club he not only accepted her advances but he also encouraged them(Forgive Me Post). Not only that when Armando rejected her advance inside the hotel room, Betty respected his no.
"I'm tired." He says after trying to find an excuse. His tone of voice shows fear as he talks as if he were out of breath and though he has told her this excuse before, he hadn't given her this stare of determination. He wasn't even going to give her wiggle room and when she notices this she stands up and tells him that that had never stopped him before(yeah cause you manipulated him and pushed his boundaries).
Armando doesn't allow her questioning of his manhood to keep him from staying faithful to Betty. Instead, unlike before when he just basically gave up and let Marcela convince him otherwise, he tells her that tonight it would be an impediment for him but this whole time he looks fearful and nervous.
Now the next day Betty arrived to Eco Moda with contentment and excited to see Armando(dude Wilson is always so sweet to Betty(lets ignore the first couple of ep)).
Betty saw Marcela and Armando arriving together, which we know what that implies to Betty.
So once inside of Eco Moda, after Armando told her they needed to talk, as Betty is going towards their office she sees the personification of her guilty conscious in the shape of Marcela.
What Marcela is saying to her is what Betty is telling herself, while she also tries to justify what they did. When Marcela says that last night when he was done with her she went and made love to her[Marcela] and that it could be that he is playing Betty or her but maybe them both but that she[Marcela] is the one that Armando is going to end up with.
This speaks on Betty's fears.
When she enters their office Armando is waiting for her. He starts off explaining that he knew he had told her that he'd go to his apartment and spent the night by himself but Betty interrupts him by saying: "Nonono Sir. I told you I respect that relationship, I get it." (She sure do have a funny way of showing "respect" for that relationship.
Armando then goes on to clarify that nothing happened, basically that he was truthfully only with her and that he stayed faithful to her.
But Betty tells him that he doesn't need to explain things. Armando then begs her to allow him to explain things to her. Why does he beg her?
In a past post I explained how to Armando it was so important to be able to trust Betty and to know that she didn't lie to him(Betty, My Betty! Part 2.5 post.) but ever since the night that he fought Roman and Co. things have begun to change. Armando has become a bit more attentive and in tune with Betty's needs, desires, and feelings and after last night, it is more evident here that he needs her to know that he was impecable, that he didn't lie to her or hurt her. He needed her to know that he was truthfully only with her and that he wouldn't touch Marcela or another woman after being with her because she was special to him and their first time meant a lot to him as well. He needs her trust him and believe in him.
So he begins to explain things to her, being honest and albeit dramatic(he always is when he's retelling events).
Now for the last scene of this post lets make a deep dive to Mario and Armando's conversation/ Aura Maria and Betty's conversation.
I won't really breakdown the dialogue here, instead I'll breakdown the tone and behavior from Armando and Mario.
After Mario begs him to tell him about the night Armando calls him a vieja chismosa (A woman who likes gossip) and they go off to the meeting room.
A reluctant Armando tells him he did sleep with Betty. He is stiff the entire time as he talks to Mario, showing that he is uncomfortable sharing this with him and that he doesn't, on a very different level, want to share the intimacy he shared with Betty, but he'll only share a bit of it to get him off his back and to also be able to process what happened and how he feels about it.
As Mario says that he can imagine the concentration and imagination that Armando had to have had to be able to sleep with Betty, Armando, sitting still holding his hands(showing he is trying to comfort himself or is angry, looking at the context clues the serious expression, his tone of voice and how he seems to be refraining himself it is anger what he is feeling.) grits his teeth and clenches his jaw.
He isn't only uncomfortable talking to Mario about this but he is angry at him for what he is saying and insinuating. He tries to end the conversation when Mario jokes, telling him that he answered his question, however Mario asks him how it affected him and Armando tries to explain why it affected him to begin with.
In short words Armando tells him that Betty isn't just another woman he slept(one of his models or occasional friend) with but that she is an important woman to him and because of that reason last night was important to him.
"I made love with a woman who is in love, who is truthfully in love." He says this with a tender tone, something that holds importance to him, that makes him happy, that sweetens his life. In other words something that makes him soft but also the realization of Betty's love for him and how true it is. "This doesn't welcome any jokes." He says and angrily tells Mario "So don't expect for me to act like nothing happened. Of course it affects me, my skin isn't made of iron." In another post(Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True and La Arrogancia De La Niña) I explained how Armando doesn't feel comfortable when the subject revolves around Betty as a person so when Mario makes jokes and Armando tries to defend why he feels the way he does and explain himself, as well as try to understand how he feels he stops being so reluctant in the conversation but as soon as Mario starts making jokes again he stops, gets angry and shuts off.
"Okay, one second, you're telling me that you're feeling something for Betty?" Armando looks at him with furrowed eyebrows and concerned eyes and he swallows hard. One could simply assume that he is confused or even simply worried but it goes more than that. This is the exact same expression he had when Marcela was reading that poem(Don't Yell At Her! Don't You Yell At Her! post) he is anguished to tell this to Mario, to be that vulnerable with him but also, that he is worried that he has feelings for her and the implications of said feelings.
Lets rewind a few steps and look at the journey of Armando's feelings so far.
1: He begins to take notice of Betty as a loyal employee
2: He begins to blur the lines of impersonal to personal.
3: He starts to change towards the way he treats her as her boss because he cares about how Betty feels working for him(Which he didn't care about that with the rest).
4: he makes her his confidant in all aspects of his life.
5: he entrust her with his entire livelihood(trust her like no other)
6: he begins to get curious about her personal life.
7: he is forced to face the reality of why he is so "special" to her. AKA the revelation that Betty "has" a boyfriend.
8: He drunkenly confesses his feelings to Betty.
9: he soberly confesses his feelings to Betty.
10: he lives under denial of said feelings but his subconscious is stronger than he is.
11: each night he spends with Betty his emotional attraction grows until it becomes physical attraction(Which he denies).
12: He has had to learn to notice and place Betty's needs, desires, and feelings before his own and enjoys doing so.
13: he is forced to once again face his feelings of attraction towards Betty the night before.
So again, Armando does what he does best, deny.
Due to his obsession with perfection, need to control everything, and his own personal conversations that he has within himself(Why couldn't we get those? I gotta be connecting the dots here a lot) this new revelation is a hard one to swallow. Armando has never been in love and he always thought he'd fall in love with a woman that looks like Marcela, Adriana Arboleda, etc. However now it is possible that he's in love, for the first time ever or at least beginning to fall in love, with Betty, the "ugly" assistant he has, who he knows his best friend would crucify if he found out about his true feelings so Armando, pained by this, denies it and it does pain him to deny these feelings from himself which is why we get this reaction.
To throw Mario off his scent he tells him he feels remorse, and that's it(Have y'all seen that John Mulaney special where he says that when he was a kid this police officer told him to throw his wallet across the street to make robbers run the other direction to throw them off his scent so he could escape? Basically same here).
Next Aura Maria and Betty start to talk. Betty expresses her happiness and how she would have never imagined that it would be like that(she really sticking to her five star review on yelp).
In the room over Armando is telling Mario the retelling of the events the previous night. He tells him that he wasn't capable of physically having sex with Betty when she came out of the bathroom and that of course, she picked up on it and told him she understood, that she knew no man could desire her.
So did Armando sleep with Betty out of pity? Out of compassion?
When we look at the context of previous scenes the short answer is no.
The long answer is this so sit tight. That night Armando did something he'd never done before, be intimate with a woman. Betty was extremely vulnerable with him this night. She gave more of herself to him than in the physical sense. She let him in, she welcomed him into her inner dilema and fears. She moved him, deeply moved him. She gave him something he desired more than sex. She gave him her intimacy.
When he is retelling what happened, especially when it gets to the physicality, he looks up, as if reliving the moment visually in his memory. His expression is of peace and joy. He is not disgusted with the mental image he has, in fact he is pleased with it.
Mario is staring at him the entire time with eyebrows raised, wide eyes and a slight frown. Since Armando isn't staring at him(he's savoring his memory) he doesn't notice this but as soon as he stares at him Mario stops and convers his mouth. He then congratulates him and tells him that so far things sounded like they went well and he asks for more.
In the post Tonight A Dream Of Mine Has Come True I explained the comfort Mario has at asking these sorts of questions implying that both Mario and Armando don't hold back in being explicit when they talk about their conquests and one night stands so here he expects nothing less. He expects for Armando to tell him everything about Betty and what they did. He expects a word for word replay of the night but like the times before when it comes to subjects such as these, Armando shuts it down(finally a gentleman).
Mario pesters, asking who he used as a mental image, who he imagined instead of Betty.
"No inspiration used. Last night I made love to Beatriz Pinzon Solano." Armando says starting at Mario, who looks away from him, closes his eyes and convers his mouth. Armando looks down at his hand , which he's been fidgeting with, with a frown on his lips.
Armando is lying to Mario, not about who he slept with the previous night, but about his feelings and it upsets him that he can't talk this through or talk to his best friend about his feelings because he knows that Mario will just make fun of him for it. This is where we begin to see this change in Armando take shape, while before it was blurry and almost unnoticeable now it is becoming focused and recognizable.
Armando does want to talk about his feelings and he does want to understand them to some degree. Almost like there's this yearning and screaming inside of him to understand what he feels for Betty, especially after the confession he made to Betty and not only how he felt about the whole experience but because he knows, he freaking knows he treated Betty differently than any other woman before her and the fact that he didn't even desire nor want to be touched by Marcela as well disturbes him but he has no safe space or place to be able to talk about said feelings so the best thing he can do is run away from them but unlike before, this upsets him.
It's like denying himself from something he needs.
When Mario once more tries to pry any details of Betty's body Armando gets upset and tells him he doesn't understand how he managed to do that, that it was just something that came out of nowhere. Mario then asks if what is disturbing him is that fact or what it could be he feels something, but Armando tells him that he just feels guilty for it all and his conscious is killing him.
While yes this is true, he doesn't like deceiving Betty, deep down he is actually aware now that he does care for Betty and that he was both emotionally and physically satisfied with Betty. Armando is actually welcoming the understanding of his feelings while before he lived in denial of them and avoiding them, now he wants to understand them but he knows he can't do that with his best friend so he once more, like before, shuts down and gets mad at Mario.
While Betty tells Aura Maria that her boyfriend told her he loved her for the first time, Aura Maria tells her that saying it and proving it are two different things but an overjoyed Betty tells her that he not only told her he loved her but that showed it to her because he was really special and she had never imagined it would have been like that.
Both The Pervert and Aura ask the same question "Tell me how was it?"
Mario throws out synonymous for the words "hot seggs" he is wanting to know what woman was under those clothes that made him feel the way he did, Mario is strictly physical and that's it and while Armando to some point was the same, he knew that Armando also desired a stable and good relationship and to fall in love, as Armando himself told him that.
So Armando tells him she was none of that and that seggs with her was none of that.
"So then?"
"It was like..." He stops to think, looking for the right word when he finds it he smiles, again as if remembering it fondly, "sweet."
"What?" Mario murmurs. "Sweet?" he says in a disbelief tone and low voice. "A-Armando look me in the eyes." Armando does so. "It was really sweet?"
Armando pulls away from the wall he had been leaning and shifts to face him, leaning against said wall again, and after taking a deep breath begins to explain.
"Calderon, that woman is in love with me. What? did you expect for it to not be? It had to be sweet, so yes, sweet." He says explaining. His eyes brows are middle raised, slightly squinting his eyes but his features are soft, he leans against the wall while with one hand he moves in the air to explain things with the other he has it in his pocket. This indicates, roughly, an anxious attitude as well as not wanting to talk more about the subject and that he's upset to continue talking about it.
"I get that she's in love with you but were you really sweet to her too?" Armando, who turned away from him is once more leaning hard against the blinds of the window, arms folded in front of him and eyebrows middle lowers, indicating frustration.
"He was really sweet, Aura Maria. I didn't expect him to be like that. That's why I'm saying that I think he really does love me." She smiles. Aura Maria celebrates with her.
"Okayokay. So it was really sweet for the both of you." Mario raises his arms up in a "I'm innocent." manor.
"Mhm"
"Armando, you're worrying me." He places his hands inside his pockets. Armando is staring elsewhere, worrying his bottom lip with eyebrows middle lowered(almost close together) since he looks somewhat zoned out we can assume that he is in deep thought. "What happened. Talk to me." Armando turns to look at him and defeated lets out a sigh, closes his eyes and goes to sit down and starts to talk.
"I don't know, I have to clear myself. I'm going to try and be as clear as possible with you. Lets see, I-no-best said lets separate two things. One thing is that is ugly, right?(he confused about it now? I'm just joking)." Mario agrees. "And another thing would be that I hate Betty, I don't hate Betty." This time his eyebrows are pulled closer together with really squinted eyes. He is really evaluating his feelings here and making the effort to understand them. "All the contrary, I have an immense endearment for her. She is a very important woman in my life."
(ENGLISH GET A WORD EQUIVALENT TO QUIERO/QUIERE!)
"You cherish her?"(it's the best word I could find to translate this, English is so tragic tbh.)
"Of course." Armando admits, he has a look of relief washed away with panic and now he begins to deny, freaked out by his own emotions he tries to justify his feelings for something they're not. "Of course I cherish her. I cherish her-" he places a finger on his philtrum: anxiousness and hesitant to speak. "like you cherish Sara, your secretary. Yes like my dad cherish Susana his secretary. I-I think that one in life...cherishes a lot of people and the relationship that Betty and I have established is a relationship of..." He starts to fidget with his fingers worrying his bottom lip and staring off at something on the table. "of friends." he stares at Mario and with his hand, open, explains to him. "We're friends and we cherish each other a lot. Man, I start to think and Betty is a person who has always been unconditional with me, who has always been there when I've needed her. She's a person who has saved my life, who risks her life for me every day she's a person( I don't want to use the word love but English you suck so I gotta) I love a lot(he means platonically)" Mario stares at him with raised eyebrows, wide eyes and a frown. "Tell me, why wouldn't I feel that for her? Why shouldn't I feel endearment for her?"
"No, no of course. Why not?" Mario reacts slow. He is trying to "Respect" Armando's feelings even though he wants to make fun of him for it but he knows if he does that Armando will stop talking about how he feels, therefore, stop giving him intel. "Why not? It's just this is the first time I hear you say you love her."
"Because I wasn't aware of this until now!" Armando says frustrated. "Until now that I'm faci...facing Betty." He slightly furrows his brows and stares elsewhere with a shocked expression of revelation. He takes in a deep breath and places a finger in front of his lips, thinking this through. "Calderon, cherishing Betty isn't a crime, bro." Notice his tone of voice as he confesses this final part is full of emotion. This fear that he had been carrying within himself for days, weeks or even months, that he cared about Betty deeply cares but was afraid to admit this to himself much less out loud until now, he finally admits it, he finally says it out loud because he is in a desperate need to understand how he feels about her and he accepts it. He accepts that this is how he feels and that it isn't wrong for him to feel like this because she deserves it.
Armando then goes on to say that what they are doing to her is a crime. To do that to his partner in crime, who loves him and dreams of him twenty four seven and that is what is killing him.
"It should be killing you if you did it with repulsiveness but no, you did so, sweetly. Sweetie pie." he sings at the end. Armando now looks at him in disbelief and anger.
"Then how would I have done it? She's in love, how was I going to do it then?"
Mario is now out of his element, unlike in previous scenes, this time Mario is not in control of Armando so he reacts irrationally.
"Yes but you've slept with Marcela who is in love with you and so far from what I understand the hook-ups aren't so sweet." he smiles, thinking he's found footing in the situation and a way to gain control of it.
"Ah don't talk to me about Marcela now." He stands up, annoyed. "Lets not talk about that woman. Let's change topic, yeah? Last night." He slaps the chair. "When I got to my apartment she was waiting for me." He says so annoyed, again.
"No?" Mario asks "surprised".
Skip the scene with Marcela and Patsy Pats; Betty and Aura Maria are still talking in her office.
Aura Maria is telling her that now that they've slept together that she can't stop doing it and blah blah blah I'm only mentioning it because it's funny when Armando walks into the conversation and now it's him he gets a taste of jealousy like Betty did that morning when she saw Armando and Marcela getting out of his car.
The fact Armando believes this is really about Nicolas is funny but also believable. For one, as I pointed out, Armando feels insecure when it comes to Betty and Nicolas, especially now after they've sinned, fornicated if you will, no wait adulatory because he's "committed" to Marcela. Two because he knows that Nicolas spends time with Betty at her house so when Aura Maria tells her to take advantage of the moments her parents aren't looking or when he goes to the bathroom to sneak in there with him and y'know, sha-bang.
Armando rubs his hand with his thumb, indicating anxiety, however he tries to keep his composure and if y'all haven't notice Armando now isn't speaking so harshly to Betty. He is keeping the same tone he has with her whenever he is being vulnerable. As Armando leaves Betty's office after telling her that he needed some paper work, he shuts the door hard, expressing his anger as well.
Once Aura leaves and Betty goes into Armando's office, Armando throws his jealousy fit, but unlike before when he'd yell at her and question her dedication, her loyalty, her love, this time he tells her that she can do what she wants, that Nicolas belonged to her personal and intimate life(again, showing resentment for that), when Betty tries to explain what happened Armando tries to cut her off, eventually she does though. This is similar to earlier that morning.
We then see the power dynamic here, once more Armando is the one that holds the cards and Betty is supposed to do what he says, which isn't a partnership.
[THE LETTER! WHAT WAS IN THE STUPID LETTER BETTY!]
I think those the next scenes[next few episodes] are pretty self-explanatory. Armando completely forgets about the picture he has of AA in his pocket and he makes out with Betty and Betty accepts to not break up while Armando that once the big meeting is over that he'll break up with Marcela and they'll become official, now he has to learn to accept the idea that he has to learn to accept as an idea(So confusing, I know lol) of a potential future where he is open about his relationship with Betty.
The next post I'll write is one I'm really looking forward to; AA shows up to Eco Moda and my all time favorite scene that brings and ties together this theory that Armando has thought about, for a long time, about his feelings for Betty and what it means to him, AKA the night of the museum.
'Til then :)
#armando ysblf#analysis of ysblf#don armando#armando mendoza#beatriz pinzon solano#betty ysblf#betty pinzón solano#yo soy betty la fea#beatriz pinzón solano#betty la fea#betty#marcela ysblf#marcela valencia#morch#mario calderón#mario calderon#nicolas mora
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Forgive me Father, I have no awful headcanons for you, only a general question on comic making. How do you do it, writing-wise/how do you decide what points go where, how do you plot it out (or do you have any resources on the writing aspect that you find useful?) Not to get too bogged down in details, but I attended a writer’s workshop and the author in residence suggested I transfer my wordy sci-fi WIP into graphic novel script, as it might work better. (I do draw, but I don’t know if I have it in me to draw a whole comic—characters in motion? Doing things? With backgrounds? How dare, why can’t everyone just stand around looking pretty)
I was interested but it quickly turned into a lot of internal screaming as I tried to figure out how to compress the hell out of it, since novels are free to do a lot more internal monologuing and such compared to a comic format (to say nothing of trying to write a script without seeing how the panels lay out—just for my own sake, I might have to do both concurrently.)
As an aside, to get a feel for graphic novels I was rereading 99RM and was reminded of how great it was—tightly plotted, intriguing, and anything to do with Ashmedai was just beautifully drawn. I need more Monsignor Tiefer and something something there are parallels between Jehan and Daniel in my head and I don’t know if they make sense but it works for me. (As an aside, I liked the emphasis on atonement being more than just the word sorry, but acknowledgment you did wrong and an attempt to remedy it—I don’t know why that spoke to me the way that it did.)
I thought Tumblr had a word count limit for asks but so far it has offered zero resistance, oh well. I don’t have much else to say but on the topic of 99RM, Adam getting under Monsignor’s skin is amazing, 10/10 (about the Pride picture earlier)
wow tumblr got rid of the markdown editor! or at least in asks which means the new editor probably has no markdown....god i hate this site! anyway...
Totally! So first, giant thank you for the compliments! Second, I have a few questions in turn for you before I dive into a sort of answer, since I can give some advice to your questions in general but it also sounds like you have a specific conundrum on your hands.
My questions to your specific situation are:
did the author give any reason for recommending a, in your words, "wordy" story be turned into a graphic novel?
is the story you're writing more, like you said, "internal monologuing"? action packed? where do the visuals come from?
do you WANT it to be a comic? furthermore, do you want it to be a comic you then must turn around and draw? or would you be interested in writing for comics as a comic writer to have your words turned into art?
With those questions in mind, let me jump into the questions you posed me!
Let me start with a confession...
I've said this before but let me say it again: Ninety-Nine Righteous Men was not originally a comic — it was a feature-length screenplay! And furthermore, it was written for a class so it got workshopped again and again to tighten the plot by a classroom of other nerds — so as kind as your compliments are, I'm giving credit where credit is due as that was not just a solo ship sailing on the sea. On top of that, it got adapted (by me) into a comic for my thesis, so my advisor also helped me make it translate or "read" well given I was director, actor, set designer, writer, editor, SFX guy, etc. all in one. And it was a huge help to have someone say "there is no way you can go blow by blow from script to comic: you need to make edits!" For instance, two scenes got compressed to simple dialogue overlaid on the splashpage of Ashmedai raping Caleb (with an insert panel of Adam and Daniel talking the next day.) What had been probably at least 5 pages became 1.
Additionally, I don't consider myself a strong plotter. That said, I found learning to write for film made the plotting process finally make some damn sense since the old plot diagram we all got taught in grammar school English never made sense as a reader and definitely made 0 sense as a writer — for me, for some reason, the breakdown of 25-50-25 (approx. 25 pages for act 1, 50 for act 2 split into 2 parts of 25 each, 25 pages for act 3) and the breaking down of the beats (the act turning points, the mid points, the low point) helped give me a structure that just "draw a mountain, rising action, climax is there, figure it out" never did. Maybe the plot diagram is visually too linear when stories have ebb and flow? I don't know. But it never clicked until screenwriting. So that's where I am coming from. YMMV.
I should also state that there's Official Ways To Write Comic Scripts to Be Drawn By An Artist (Especially If You Work For A Real Publisher As a Writer) and there's What Works For You/Your Team. I don't give a rat's ass about the former (and as an artist, I kind of hate panel by panel breakdowns like you see there) so I'm pretty much entirely writing on the latter here. I don't give a good god damn about official ways of doing anything: what works for you to get it done is what matters.
What Goes Where?
Like I said, 99RM was a screenplay so it follows, beat-wise, the 3-act screenplay structure (hell, it's probably more accurate to say it follows the act 1/act 2A/act 2B/act 3 structure.) So there was the story idea or concept that then got applied to those story beats associated with the structure, and from there came the Scene-by-scene Breakdown (or Expanded Scene Breakdown) which basically is an outline of beats broken down into individual scenes in short prose form so you get an overview of what happens, can see pacing, etc. In the resources at the end I put some links that give information on the whole story beat thing.
(As an aside: for all my short comics, I don't bother with all that, frankly. I usually have an image or a concept or a bit of writing — usually dialogue or monologue, sometimes a concrete scene — that I pick at and pick at in a little sketchbook, going back and forth between writing and thumbnail sketches of the page. Or I just go by the seat of my pants and bullshit my way through. Either or. Those in many ways are a bit more like poems, in my mind: they are images, they are snapshots, they are feelings that I'm capturing in a few panels. Think doing mental math rather than writing out geometric proofs, yanno?)
Personally, I tend to lean on dialogue as it comes easier for me (it's probably why I'm so drawn to screenwriting!) so for me, if I were to do another longform GN, I'd probably take my general "uhhhhhh I have an idea and some beats maybe so I guess this should happen this way?" outline and start breaking it down scene by scene (I tend to write down scenes or scene sketches in that "uhhhh?" outline anyway LOL) and then figure out basic dialogue and action beats — in short, I'd kind of do the work of writing a screenplay without necessarily going full screenplay format (though I did find the format gave me an idea of timing/pacing, as 1 page of formatted script is about equal to 1 minute of screentime, and gave me room to sketch thumbnails or make edits on the large margins!) If you're not a monologue/soliloque/dialogue/speech person and more an image and description person, you may lean more into visuals and scenes that cut to each other.
Either way this of course introduces the elephant in the panel: art! How do you choose what to draw?
The answer is, well, it depends! The freedom of comics is if you can imagine it, you can make it happen. You have the freedoms (and audio limitations) of a truly silent film with none of the physical limitations. Your words can move in real time with the images or they can be a narrative related to the scene or they could be nonsequitors entirely! The better question is how do you think? Do you need all the words and action written first before you break down the visuals? Do you need a panel by panel breakdown to be happy, or can you freewheel and translate from word and general outlines to thumbnails? What suits you? I really cannot answer this because I think when it comes to what goes where with regard to art, it's a bit of "how do you process visuals" and also a bit of "who's drawing this?" — effectively, who is the interpreter for the exact thing you are writing? Is it you or someone else? If it's you, would you benefit from a barebones script alongside thumbnailed paneling? Would you be served by a barebones script, then thumbnails, then a new script that includes panel and page breakdowns? What frees you up to do what you need to do to tell your story?
If I'm being honest, I don't necessarily worry about panels or what something will look like necessarily until I'm done writing. I may have an image that I clearly state needs to happen. I may even have a sequence of panels that I want to see and I do indeed sketch that out and make note of it in my script. But exactly how things will be laid out, paneled, situated? That could change up until I've sketched my final pencils in CSP (but I am writer and artist so admittedly I get that luxury.)
How do I compress from novel to comic?
Honest answer? You don't. Not really. You adapt from one to another. It's more a translation. Something that would take forever to write may take 1 page in a comic or may take a whole issue.
I'm going to pick on Victor Hugo. Victor Hugo spent a whole-ass book in Notre-Dame de Paris talking about a bird's eye view of Paris and other medieval architecture boring stuff, with I guess some foreshadowing with Montfaucon. Who cares. Not me. I like story. Anyway. When we translate that book to a movie any of the billion times someone's done that, we don't spend a billion years talking at length about medieval Paris. There's no great monologuing about the gibbet or whatever: you get to have some establishing shots, maybe a musical number, and then you move tf on. Because it's a movie, right? Your visuals are right there. We can see medieval Paris. We can see the cathedral. We can see the gibbet. We don't need a whole book: it's visually right there. Same with a comic: you may need many paragraphs to describe, say, a space station off of Sirius and one panel to show it.
On the flip side, you may take one line, maybe two, to say a character keyed in the special code to activate the holodeck; depending on the visual pacing, that could be a whole page of panels (are we trying to stretch time? slow it down? what are we emphasizing?) A character gives a sigh of relief — one line of text, yeah? That could be a frozen panel while a conversation continues on or that could be two (or more!) panels, similar to the direction [a beat] in screenwriting.
Sorry there's not a super easy answer there to the question of compression: it's a lot more of a tug, a push-pull, that depends on what you're conveying.
So Do I Have It In Me to Write & Draw a GN?
The only way you'll know is by doing. Scary, right? The thing is, you don't necessarily need to be an animation king or God's gift to background artists to draw a comic.
Hell, I hate backgrounds. I still remember sitting across from my friend who said "Claude you really need to draw an establishing exterior of the church at some point" and me being like "why do you hate me specifically" because drawing architecture? Again? I already drew the interior of the church altar ONCE, that should be enough, right? But I did draw an exterior of the church. Sorta. More like the top steeple. Enough to suggest what I needed to suggest to give the audience a better sense of place without me absolutely losing my gourd trying to render something out of my wheelhouse at the time.
And that's kinda the ticket, I think. Not everyone's a master draftsman. Not everyone has all the skills in every area. And regardless, from page one to page one hundred, your skills will improve. That's all part of it — and in the meantime, you should lean into your strengths and cheat where you can.
Do you need to lovingly render a background every single panel? Christ no! Does every little detail need to be drawn out? Sure if you want your hand to fall off. Cheat! Use Sketchup to build models! Use Blender to sculpt forms to paint over! Use CSP Assets for prebuilt models and brushes if you use CSP! Take photographs and manip them! Cheat! Do what you need to do to convey what you need to convey!
For instance, a tip/axiom/"rule" I've seen is one establishing shot per scene minimum and a corollary to that has been include a background once per page minimum as grounding (no we cannot all have eternal floating heads and characters in the void. Unless your comic is set in the void. In which case, you do you.) People ain't out here drawing hyper detailed backgrounds per each tiny panel. The people who DO do that are insane. Or stupid. Or both. Or have no deadline? Either way, someone's gonna have a repetitive stress injury... Save yourself the pain and the headache. Take shortcuts. Save your punches for the big K.O. moments.
Start small. Make an 8-page zine. Tell a beginning, a middle, an end in comic form. Bring a scene to life in a few pages. See what you're comfortable drawing and where you struggle. See where you can lean heavily into your comfort zones. Learn how to lean out of your comfort zone. Learn when it's worth it to do the latter.
Or start large. Technically my first finished comic (that wasn't "a dumb pencil thing I drew in elementary school" or "that 13 volume manga I outlined and only penciled, what, 7 pages of in sixth grade" or "random one page things I draw about my characters on throw up on the interwebz") was 99RM so what do I know. I'm just some guy on the internet.
(That's not self-deprecating, I literally am some guy on the internet talking about my path. A lot of this is gonna come down to you and what vibes with you.)
Resources on writing
Some of these are things that help me and some are things that I crowd-sourced from others. Some of these are going to be screenwriting based, some will be comic based.
Making Comics by Scott McCloud: I think everyone recommends this but I think it is a useful book if you're like "ahh!!! christ!! where do I start!!!???" It very much breaks down the elements of comics and the world they exist in and the principles involved, with the caveat that there are no rules! In fact, I need to re-read it.
Comic Book Design: I picked this up at B&N on a whim and in terms of just getting a bird's eye view of varied ways to tackle layout and paneling? It's such a great resource and reference! I personally recommend it as a way to really get a feel for what can be done.
the screenwriter's bible: this is a book that was used in my class. we also used another book that's escaping me but to be honest, I never read anything in school and that's why I'm so stupid. anyway, I'd say check it out if you want, especially if you start googling screenwriting stuff and it's like 20 billion pieces of advice that make 0 sense -- get the core advice from one place and then go from there.
Drawing Words & Writing Pictures: many people I know recommended this. I think I have it? It may be in storage. So frankly, I'd already read a bunch of books on comics before grabbing this that it kind of felt like a rehash. Which isn't shade on the authors — I personally was just a sort of "girl, I don't need comics 101!!!"
Invisible Ink: A Practical Guide to Building Stories that Resonate: this has been recommended so many times to me. I cannot personally speak on it but I can say I do trust those who rec'd it to me so I am passing it along
the story circle: this is pretty much the hero's journey. a useful way to think of journeys! a homie pretty much swears by it
a primer on beats: quick google search got me this that outlines storybeats
save the cat!: what the above refers to, this gives a more genre-specific breakdown. also wants to sell you on the software but you don't need that.
I hope this helps and please feel free to touch base with more info about your specific situation and hopefully I'll have more applicable answers.
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Part V (2/3): chapters 58~60
Chapter 58
[About Sukuna’s fingers resonating with one another]
"The ones that possess an immense presence. The ones that are hiding. The ones that are already taken in by cursed spirits."
⇒ "1) The ones with too big presences. 2) The ones holding their breath. 3) The ones already absorbed by cursed spirits."
I added the numbers for explanation purposes, see below.
"One of Sukuna's fingers was hidden by a cursed spirit. When Itadori consumed the finger in June, it released its cursed energy"
⇒ "The Sukuna fingers that had been absorbed were holding back their power [while] inside cursed spirits. Then they unleashed their cursed energy with Itadori's incarnation [of Sukuna] in June serving as a trigger."
Whelp. On top of extremely simplifying the explanation, they mixed up the kind of Sukuna finger involved here - it was very explicitly stated in the text that it was number 3) "absorbed" (assimilated) fingers, and not 2) "hiding" fingers.
I guess saying that Itadori consumed the finger isn't wrong plot wise but it's actually referred to (here and many times more in the manga) as "incarnation"! The same word also gets used for the death painting brothers.
[Megumi remembering a conversation with Gojou]
"I was surprised you asked me to train you"
⇒ "It's rare for you to ask me for a practice, Megumi"
"To train you" wasn't wrong but Gojou saying "it's rare" here points to it either happening occasionally or having happened in the past and I'm not sure "I was surprised" quite conveys that.
"Are you feeling pressure because of Yuji's growth?"
⇒ "Did you get impatient after getting surpassed by Yuuji?"
Gojou actually says that Yuuji has surpassed Megumi here! Quite a different nuance from just "Yuji's growth".
"Megumi, your skill and potential are probably higher than Yuji's. All that’s left is the mental aspect"
⇒ “You know, Megumi, I think that both your real ability and potential are in no way inferior to Yuuji's. (...)"
Emphasis mine because pray tell, how does one reach the conclusion that "don't lose out to"/"aren't inferior to" equals to "are probably higher". “Skill” was fine btw but I’d probably go with “mindset” for the last line, personally.
[Gojou explaining why he thinks Megumi doesn’t know how to make a serious effort giving the baseball game as an example]
“Why did you bunt? You sacrificed yourself so that Nobara could advance. Well, good for you"
⇒ "Why did you make a sacrifice bunt? Did you want to advance Nobara to the next base even if it meant you'd be out yourself? That's commendable"
The nuance for the last line was just different - the word used there usually is just used as praise, either genuine or ironic but imo “good for you” has a different meaning. Also he says “out” but it’s written as “death” (although that is sometimes the case in baseball as well.)
“But no matter how many allies you have around you, you'll always die alone"
⇒ “(...) when you die, you’re alone”
I tried to phrase it a bit closer to the original because I feel like the nuance may just be different for this line but can’t quite put a finger on the how.
[Gojou to Megumi]
"To die and then win, and dying victoriously are two completely different things, Megumi"
⇒ "To win by dying and to win even if you die are completely different, Megumi"
Emphasis by Gege. Ngl, I had no clue what the English was trying to say here… This is most likely what the line actually meant.
[Megumi regaining his consciousness after he blacked out from getting hit]
"How long was I out? Was my divine dog destroyed? No, my technique's finished"
Actually "my technique got undone". Putting it as "has finished" is imo both unclear and misleading. Similar situation as in ch. 1 (refer to part I).
[Lead-up to Megumi using a domain expansion for the first time]
"A jujutsu sorcerer's growth never comes easy"
⇒ "The growth curve of a sorcerer isn’t always gentle"
Mostly, the line was more intricate in the original but also the grammatical construction used here that they mistranslated as "never" actually means "not always [necessarily]” instead.
"Here we go!!"
Not really incorrect but it's kinda generic and I guess something like "I'm gonna do it!" is closer nuance wise.
"With a firm base, skill and imagination, a person can change thanks to the slightest of events"
⇒ "A firm foundation, a handful of sense, and imagination. Then, [even] with a most insignificant opportunity, a person will change"
A pity they simplified "a handful of sense" into just "skill" here. Overall not really incorrect but I wanted to propose something that imo better conveys the original wording and vibe.
“Area expansion”
…”area”? What? Obviously this is actually “domain expansion”. I just don’t have words.
“Think bigger! My technique’s interpretation!”
First sentence actually referred to the second one, so it’s actually something like “Expand it!! The technique’s interpretation!!”
[Megumi to the cursed spirit after his shikigami deals it a finishing blow]
"Divine dog's claws even hurt it...You were no match!"
"(...) So something like piercing through you when you're not even paying attention was easy"
Less excitement, more dismissiveness, I’d say? Also, for the divine dog it’s actually specified that it’s “divine dog (totality)” and not just simply “divine dog”. The term appeared before in ch. 47.
Chapter 59
[Megumi talking about what he considers the basic rule for human interactions in a flashback to his middle school years]
"Basically, you shouldn't cross any line that violates another person's dignity. You should acknowledge each other's mutual existence. That's the rule. You ignored it and fed your stupid ego"
⇒ "In short, it's drawing a line in order not to jeopardise one another's dignity; [it’s] a process through which both parties can coexist. That's what the "rule" is”. You broke it, throwing your weight around and forcing everyone to walk on eggshells around you”
For the first sentence, Megumi says “it’s drawing a line”, so the nuance here was probably closer to “creating boundaries” rather than “crossing boundaries” like in the official English release. For the second sentence, the original literally says “the process through which one another’s existence is achieved”, so rather than acknowledging each other’s existence the sentiment is probably closer to live and let live? For the last sentence, they once again simplified it to the barest bones.
"I'll definitely tell Ikezawa and everyone today that we're not their lapdogs"
“You got this, Aida!”
"But we might be the next punching bags, so don't go overboard!"
Should be “Ikezawa and others'' and definitely “that I’m not their errand boy” for the smallest boy’s first line. If all of them were already being treated as errand boys like the way using the plural form here implies, the other student’s reply wouldn’t make sense.
[After Tsumiki sees Megumi has beaten up delinquents once again]
“You said you wouldn’t pick fights anymore”
“You’re not my mom”
⇒ (...) “Don’t act like you’re my guardian”
Imo the distinction is significant because there’s a possibility that Tsumiki as the older of the two probably did feel responsible for Megumi to an extent and acted accordingly, as if she was his guardian.
Also, he doesn’t actually say “mom” - this is not the first time where the official English release opts for a gendered phrase where the original uses a neutral form. (Like making Yuuji say his grandpa was like a dad to him when he actually said parent all the way back in ch. 2.)
[Megumi’s thoughts from back in the middle school]
"I hate bad guys with no brains and zero emotional capability. Walking around feeling proud. Disgusting."
⇒ "I hate bad people. The way they act like they’re superior, with their complete lack of imagination or sensitivity. Disgusting”
I guess I really dislike the way they worded it here, especially the “no brains” part since Megumi wasn’t really talking about intellect or smarts here but about imagination (and sensitivity), which he literally describes as being akin to "vacant lot", "empty lot", "raw land”, which is much more evocative.
"I hate goody-goodies forgiving bad people, justifying mercy. Makes me wanna puke"
⇒ "I hate good people. The way they forgive such bad people and perceive that act of forgiveness as something noble. They make me sick"
Mhm, way to just simplify the heck out of the whole line.
I’m extra bothered by their use of “goody-goodies” here since this is yet another appearance of a rather formal word for “good person” (善人/zennin) in the original and which I’ve observed to be a very important part of the world-building in jjk. I discuss it at length in various previous installments, with notable examples including: ch. 9 (Megumi about Yuuji and about the kind of people he wants to save - part I), ch. 31 (Nanami and Yuuji’s conversation in the aftermath of the Junpei incident - part III 2/2), ch. 36 (Panda about Yuuji - part IV 2/5).
“Tsumiki, you’re a perfect example of a good person.”
See, the word he uses here to describe Tsumiki is the same as in the line above (善人) but because back then it got translated as “goody-goodies”, you’d never guess it since the vibes are just that different.
[Megumi reminiscing about meeting Gojou for the first time]
"In the first grade, my dad and Tsumiki's mom got married and separated just as quickly"
⇒ "When I was in the first grade of elementary school my father and Tsumiki’s mother, our respective single parents, got together and disappeared into thin air"
The original doesn’t mention marriage OR separation. Heck, especially for the second one, it doesn’t even come close to mentioning it?? I have no clue where they got this from.
What I put as “got together” can also be translated as “to have a liaison with (a man or a woman)” (among others). Since Tsumiki’s surname is also “Fushiguro” in middle school, it’s possible that they were actually married and many Japanese fans seem to think that as well but it’s not explicitly stated, at least not here, so those are most likely speculations.
As for mysterious “separation”, the word used here actually means "disappearance (of people intentionally concealing their whereabouts); unexplained disappearance", so imo the whole section means their parents got together and at some point both disappeared. As we learn at one point in the manga Touji first and Tsumiki’s mum sometime later.
(Btw, one fan scanlation used “evaporation” here instead and while this is another possible translation of the word in question, imo from the context it’s clear that the intended meaning was the “unexplained disappearance” instead.)
Lastly, Megumi uses kind of formal expressions when referring to both his own dad and Tsumiki’s mum, which imo is indicative of the emotional distance.
[Tiny Megumi about teenager Gojou]
"A weirdo with white hair said"
⇒ "A suspicious man with white hair"
Needless to say, he doesn't actually call Gojou a weirdo.
[Gojou about Touji]
"But he's a loser that just works for me. He left the family and had you."
⇒ "He's enough of a good-for-nothing to take aback even me. Basically, he left home and then had you."
Emphasis mine. Again, I literally have no clue where they got the translation they went with for this. “Works for me” - just what??
(Btw, one of the fan scans available for this had the latter part of this line mistakenly imply that Gojou had Megumi leave his house. The bit definitely referred to Touji leaving the Zen’in family.)
"You're something your dad used against the Zen'in family. His trump card"
⇒ “You’re something your father kept as his strongest card against the Zen’in family”
A bit of a different nuance than “your dad used” suggests.
"The divorce money makes sense now. I was sold to this Zen'in family"
⇒ "The mystery behind the funds for their disappearance got solved. Apparently, I was sold to this Zen’in family or something"
Again, the word for “divorce” doesn’t make an appearance ANYWHERE in this chapter, least of all this page. ...How.
Once again - fan scans had this as money that also evaporated but neither it nor the official English release make sense, considering the line is followed up by “I was sold” as the explanation. So yeah, imo the first sentence definitely referred to the money Megumi considered necessary for Touji (and co’s) disappearance.
[Gojou referring to Touji basically selling Megumi off]
"Sucks, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it's annoying. Especially your attitude."
⇒ “It pisses you off, doesn’t it”
“Yeah, it does piss me off. Especially that lack of delicacy of yours”
I mentioned it multiple times but imo repetition in the original text tends to be done on purpose and as a device and imo this was another example where this was the case. Megumi borrows Gojou’s words here. (Which mean “to be irritated, “to be angry” and not “it sucks”.)
[Megumi continuing about Gojou]
"But that annoying guy wrote off the situation with the Zen'in family. He made a promise that we would work as sorcerers in the future. We would be collateral and receive financial support from Jujutsu High in exchange."
⇒"This man pisses me off, but it was him who cancelled the deal with the Zen'in family, and made it so we would receive financial support from the technical college with me working as a sorcerer in the future [serving] as collateral for it”
I don’t know why they’d translate it as “we would work” here since who the “we” would be supposed to even entail other than Megumi himself? Surely not Tsumiki. Or Gojou. Also, putting the next bit as “we would be collateral” makes it sound kind of dehumanising to me, ngl, whereas Megumi was talking about his labour here.
Also, the same phrase for “pisses off” as above got used once again, which makes it three times in a row, so imo that was definitely a deliberate stylistic choice on Gege’s part.
“Jujutsu sorcerers. How stupid.
⇒ "Sorcerers, what even. How nonsensical"
Just proposing an alternate wording.
[Megumi about the curse Tsumiki got hit by]
"All we knew was that we didn't know anything. Tsumiki still sleeps."
The word used to describe Tsumiki’s state literally means “became bedridden”, which imo heavily implies she fell into a coma. “Still sleeps” is most likely a misunderstanding on the translator’s part since the word sounds like it’d mean that (but it doesn’t.)
[Megumi about Tsumiki]
"Always smiling and saying nice things"
⇒ “Always smiling and spouting lip service”
Another case where the translator seems to have translated the word based on the way it’s written as opposed to checking the actual meaning. (The “nice things” phrase.)
"It's not a bad thing to not forgive people. Megumi, that's your way of showing kindness."
⇒ “Not being able to forgive people isn’t a bad thing. That’s your kindness, Megumi”
It wasn’t just “not to forgive” but “not being able to forgive”! Which imo would imply the next line’s nuance was something similar to Tsumiki considering Megumi’s inability to forgive people to be something that stems from his kindness (e.g. because he can’t stand seeing injustice).
"Even spinning my short-comings in a positive light."
⇒ “She would affirm even my nature"
Imo this line was more of Tsumiki accepting Megumi as he is or at least that’s what the line says - makes sense with what I proposed for the line above too. Translating it the way they did in the official release kind of feels like overinterpreting.
"But even she would get upset when I hurt somebody. I was annoyed by the hypocrisy"
⇒ "But even such Tsumiki would get genuinely angry (...). I would get annoyed thinking she was a stickler to the rules and a hypocrite"
Emphasis mine. The phrase that the translators seem to have skipped here and I translated as "stickler to the rules" literally means "to play it safe", "to avoid trouble at all cost".
"Yeah, I know. I was immature. I'm sorry so please wake up already"
“I’m sorry, I was a brat. I’ll apologise so just wake up already, stupid older sister”
Just a different nuance and tone for the whole line.
"All I did was get rid of the Yasohachi bridge curse. My sister's sleeping curse is a separate matter."
⇒ "This Yasohachi bridge curse was probably only overlapping with it, and the curse that caused Tsumiki to fall into a coma probably hasn't been lifted"
The official English release makes it sound like sleeping (or more correctly, the coma) was the nature of the curse that Tsumiki was put under, whereas imo the original indicates it just as its effect, which is an important distinction.
“As for the finger and Itadori…”
⇒ “What should I tell Itadori about the finger...”
The “tell”, “say” is only implied here but it’s pretty clear from the context that was the meaning. Also, he explicitly says “to Itadori” here.
[After the Yasohachi bridge curse got defeated by Megumi who then retrieved the Sukuna finger from it]
"All of sudden I feel a presence. Did the finger get out of the barrier? Whoever took out the finger bearer is quite formidable."
⇒ “The huge presence that appeared all of sudden... Did Sukuna's finger get out of the barrier? If it was a sorcerer that exorcised the finger's host, they must be quite good......."
Emphasis mine on bits that got cut out in the official release. Because Esou was facing off Nobara, he probably assumed it’s likely there may be other sorcerers present and imo that’s what this line also suggests.
"Even so... The finger... Even if they fought against a special-grade and won, They more than likely didn't come out of it unscathed. I hope they're okay."
Just to clarify that the word used for “they” in the original indicates the speaker knows the people in question, so those were Nobara’s thoughts here.
Chapter 60
[Esou to Yuuji and Nobara after he activates his wing king technique]
“Start running and turn your backs to me”
“Run. With your backs turned to me” would fit better nuance and mood wise. (Esou didn’t want to show his back to anyone so now he’s’ forcing them to show theirs.)
[Nobara to Yuuji after he scooped her up because she couldn’t run as fast as he could]
“I got your back”
“Okay”
“Okay” isn’t incorrect per se but the word has the nuance of “I’m counting on you”.
[Nobara to Yuuji after he speeded through the forest while carrying her, allowing them to escape from Esou's technique]
"Well done, you deserve some praise"
“Yeah, yeah”
“Just kidding. Thanks!”
⇒ "You have my praise." (...)
Actually a set phrase! Spoken from a rather elevated/superior POV, which is why Nobara later reiterates that she’s genuinely thankful. Also, I probably would just go with a period for “Thanks”, imo nuance wise it didn’t require an exclamation mark and it’s not there in the original either.
[Esou after Yuuji gets splashed with Kechizu’s blood]
"There's no need to worry. My younger brother's blood isn't the same quality as mine"
Actually "doesn't have the same properties like mine”.
"You wouldn't even die from mine unless you were drowned in it."
Much closer to something like "unless you were to bathe your whole body in it".
"But it does hurt like hell"
⇒ "But it does hurt to death"
Not really wrong meaning wise but in the original it was “to death” instead of “like hell”, which combined with a previous line was probably a wordplay. "You won't die but it does hurt to death"
[Esou explaining how his and Kechizu’s shared technique works]
"If you take in one of our brother's blood and if one brother activates a technique"
Idk if it's clear here but it most likely doesn't matter which brother does which (could even be the same one). Also, definitely should’ve been “the” or “this” for technique, since Esou has just stated on the same page he’s now going to start laying out how a specific technique of he and his brother’s functions.
[Esou replying to Yuuji]
"Yes, the result is essentially poison. Our technique is 'decomposition'"
Should be “but what our technique is, is actually ‘decomposition’” nuance wise.
"It's activated now. In reality they'll be dead faster than that”
⇒ “Done with technique disclosure, so in reality (...)”
Emphasis mine. You know, the rule in jujutsu where if you explain your technique to your opponent, it gets a buff? “Activation” is just wrong here.
While it’s not phrased as such, the phenomenon is first explained in ch. 20 during Nanami’s explanation to Yuuji (refer to part II 2/2). It also gets mentioned by name later in the manga but oftentimes the official release would either skip it or word it completely differently so it’s hard to tell, like in ch. 51, when Hanami realises Toudou has lied to him (part IV 5/5).
[The history of how cursed wombs came to be]
"[In the beginning of the Meiji era] there was a girl with special genetic makeup who bore a cursed-spirit child"
Actually “with an idiosyncrasy that allowed her to get pregnant with the child of a cursed spirit”! Imo an important distinction since it’s not certain whether her first child that gets discussed here was born prematurely or not and the following pregnancies were all aborted.
"A child born of mixed blood - both cursed spirit and human.”
Skipped “grotesque child” at the end.
“It was a mysterious pregnancy. She would be ostracized by family and friends.”
⇒ "Starting from a pregnancy she had no recollection of, [followed by] the oppression from her kith and kin, it made her go insane"
This latter part of this section is filled to the brim with complicated language so I’m not entirely sure but I think this might’ve been the intended meaning of the line. The official translators were probably struggling with the vocabulary too, so they cut out some stuff entirely, to be precise - the go insane part. It’s the bit I’m not certain about myself but I scoured Japanese dictionaries and that’s the meaning that seemed to be the best fit among the options.
Anyway, to reiterate - the bit about the pregnancy actually says that the girl herself didn’t even know (couldn’t remember) how it came to be. The part about the relatives doesn’t mention friends, it’s actually a set phrase that means “one's relatives by blood and marriage (in blood and law); one's kith and kin” - I went here with the latter since it’s shorter and fits the overall vibe of the line.
“She would hold the corpse of the child and flee to a temple in the mountains. The temple was run by jujutsu sorcerers. However, her luck had run out."
⇒ “(...) However, this was when her luck run out”
Other than the nuance in the last line, this isn’t mistranslated but the whole section just flowed differently in the original and felt less disjointed.
Also! One of the scanlations I’ve seen had it misspelled as “Noshitori” but the evil sorcerer’s name is actually “Kamo Noritoshi” (and yes, it’s the same as the young Kamo but the “toshi” is written with different characters).
"The child born from a cursed spirit and human would become a prisoner of intellectual curiosity"
⇒ "His [Kamo Noritoshi's] intellectual curiosity would be taken captive by children born between a cursed spirit and a human"
Very much the other way around. It's very clear in the original that the subject of the sentence was Kamo's intellectual curiosity and not the child.
"Death painting wombs: numbers 1-3. Cursed objects worthy of special grade."
Closer to "cursed objects powerful enough to be classified as special grade"
"Did cursed energy originate from a mother's hatred? No..."
It's specified here as "did their cursed energy" instead (emphasis mine), and the question is actually left unanswered......................................................... So yeah, congrats on getting rid of this very intended ambiguity. It's something like "or was it maybe--"
[About cursed wombs]
"For 150 years, with only the notion of one another's existence, they would survive, sealed away"
⇒ "For 150 years, they endured the seal, relying only on one another's existence"
"The notion" just doesn't capture the sentiment of the line at all, which imo is most likely the follow-up to the narrator's musings about the origin of the death painting's immense cursed energy. (See above.)
"We're siding with that cursed spirit."
Actually "siding with them", read as "them" but written as "the cursed spirits" - probably plural as the original literally says "the side of the cursed spirits", so it possibly means cursed spirits as a whole as well, aside of Mahito and co specifically. Remember, the brothers are actually half-humans too.
I explain in depth the “written as but read as” device in part IV 4/5 (ch. 48, Toudou’s “my friend” phenomenon).
"The future that the cursed spirits have painted is more suited for us. But that's it. Forget about what we owe for our freedom"
Not incorrect per se but Chousou actually says “forget the debt we owe them of our incarnation”, which would make it yet another instance where the official English release has cut out the term entirely. (Emphasis mine.)
[Nobara after stating that a technique that assures a win as long as it hits an opponent is indeed powerful]
"I'm a bad match for you!!"
Actually “the worst match [possible]” - more confidence in the line!
[Nobara to the death painting brothers after using Resonance on herself thus redirecting their attack back at them]
"Let's play a game of chicken, shall we?"
The actual wording is “contest of endurance”, I’m not entirely sure if the two have the same connotation.
[part v (3/3)]
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Please write the part about Wakko you know what
Important note: This fic is part of my Angelina the First lives au, and as such is part of a different universe/storyline and plot than the rest of my fics. To read about the au/alternate timeline, click here.
Yakko loved studying. He loved learning, and growing, and obtaining more knowledge and skills in any way he could. His dad said he got it from his mother, though his grandma said her mother was a lot more “foolish with her knowledge” than he was, whatever that meant.
In truth, Yakko had known his grandmother his whole life, and he still didn’t know what to make of her. Sure, his mom and dad constantly contradicted her or told him she was wrong, but Yakko wasn’t sure. A lot of what his grandmother said made sense, as far as he could tell. A good king should be focused on expanding his knowledge and on his people, not on frivolities like playing with toys or with his little brother. It just made sense.
Speaking of his brother...
“Yakko! Which is cooler? Red or blue?” Wakko shoved his toy soldier’s into his brother’s face. Yakko rolled his eyes.
“Wakko, I don’t care,” He scoffed. Wakko frowned.
“But how will you play then?” Wakko asked.
“Wakko, I don’t want to play, I have my lesson with Grandma soon,” Yakko said, turning the page in his book.
“So we should play nowwww,” Wakko whined, placing the toys on his book.
“Wakko, go away, I’m studying” Yakko huffed in annoyance, pushing the toys off of the book. Wakko sighed, taking back his toys, but instead of going away, he pulled out a chair and sat next to his brother.
“Whatcha readin’?” He asked.
“I’m reading about the history of agriculture in Warnerstock,” Yakko stated, figuring there was no harm in telling him, and that maybe it might make him go away.
“Is it good?” Wakko asked with a head tilt. Yakko paused to think.
“Ehhhhh.... it’s.... okay?” He shrugged, though he knew the answer was no. It was boring, but one of his tutors assigned it, so he had to read it. Yakko then went on with his reading. However, it wasn’t long before Wakko got bored just sitting there, so he stood on the chair, and peered over Yakko’s shoulder. Yakko did his best to ignore it, but, quite frankly, his brother was driving him insane.
“Oh, would you look at that! I have to go,” Yakko slammed the book shut and stood, almost knocking over Wakko in the process.
“Can I come?” Wakko asked optimistically. Yakko rubbed his forehead. No matter what he did he just couldn’t shake him.
“You know Grandma doesn’t like it when you sit in,” Yakko said, standing up and heading out of the study. Wakko followed anyway.
“I can be good this time! Promise!” He said. Yakko shook his head.
“Go to your room, Wak, I’m sure mom or dad would love to play instead,” Yakko waved him off.
“Pretty please? I swear I’ll be quiet,” Wakko pleaded. Yakko did his best to keep his eyes forward, but made the fatal flaw of making split-second eye contact with his younger brother, and saw the puppy dog eyes nobody with a soul could refuse.
“Fine,” Yakko sighed. “Just... sit in the corner and be sure to be extra, extra quiet,” He said. Wakko cheered and ran ahead of Yakko in his excitement to their grandmother’s private study. Yakko eventually made it, and knocked on the door.
“Yakko, you’re early today,” Angelina the First opened the door. Immediately her eyes went to Wakko.
“What is he doing here?” She asked. Wakko stepped behind his brother.
“He just wants to sit in the corner. He’s promised me he’ll be quiet,” Yakko said.
“Is this true?” The old queen looked at her youngest grandson. Wakko nodded. She rolled her eyes.
“If I ask you a question, you are to respond, understood?” She glared at him. Wakko gulped.
“Y-yes, grandma,” He said. The queen rolled her eyes and stepped aside, letting the brothers enter.
Yakko took his seat at the center table, and Wakko sat in the corner, next to a bunch of dusty books that hadn’t been touched in goodness knew how long. Hopefully, that would keep him quiet and entertained.
“Now where were we... ah yes, etiquette,” Angelina the First found the book she was looking for and opened it.
“A good gentlemen always holds the door open for a lady, why is this?” She asked Yakko.
“Because their dresses can be too big for them to get it themselves,” Yakko said. The queen nodded.
“That stupid, why don’t they just fix the dresses?” Wakko mumbled in the corner.
“Excuse me?” The queen looked at him. Wakko immediately shut up, and faced the bookshelf, running his finger across all the spines. She huffed but decided to move on with the lesson anyway.
Angelina the First continued to quiz Yakko on his knowledge of etiquette, and of which he aced, and to Yakko’s surprise Wakko was actually behaving himself back there. She then regaled tales of Warnerstocks history, most of it being boring but a few were... less boring here and there. Yakko did his best to pay attention anyway. History was arguably the most bearable of the subjects, though he preferred when it was about geography more.
However, towards the end of the lesson, the queen started lecturing about her grandfather, King Reginald the 2nd, and how he failed due to his love of frivolous things, such as gold, jewels, and never bothered to do his work as king, playing around with his “playthings” all day instead.
“And that is why as you prepare to become king it is important to put your studies and learning above all else. A wise king is a good king. You don’t want all of your knowledge to be based on what toy you think is the best, do you?” She said, as some sort of joke.
“That’s stupid too!” Wakko crossed his arms.
“Excuse me, young man, you have no right to talk to me like that,” Angelina the First stood from her chair.
“Grandma, he doesn’t know-”
“No! I do! That’s stupid!” Wakko stood on his chair. “Yakko should play games if he wants to. Games are fun. Books are boring.”
“Wakkorotti Alan Warner, know your place,” She warned.
“Games are fun, you and your lessons are stupid and boring!” He shouted. Angelina’s eyes widened in anger. Slowly, she took her gloves off, before walking over to the now petrified Wakko.
“Grandma he didn’t mean-” Yakko tried to plead.
“I’ll give you one more chance, Wakkorotti. What. Did. You. Say?” She asked, now standing in front of the four-year-old.
“Th-that... that your lessons are boring and stupid,” Wakko didn’t back down. Before either brother knew what was happening, she struck him across the face with the back of her hand. Wakko fell onto the floor with a loud crash.
“Wakko!” Yakko jumped out of his seat and ran to his little brother, but Angelina I held out her arm.
“Leave him there, he needs to learn, She said coldly. Yakko growled and bit her.
“Ow! You horrible, horrible child!” Angelina jumped back. Yakko didn’t care, going to Wakko.
“Wakko? Are you okay?” He asked, panicking because Wakko was barely conscious.
“M’head hurts,” he mumbled, sitting up. That was kinda good at least...
“You’ll be punished for this,” Angelina grabbed Yakko’s shoulder and Yakko gnashed his teeth again. The queen wisely stepped back.
“C’mon Wak, let’s get you fixed up,” Yakko said, helping him up.
“Rabid sons of a bastard,” The old queen muttered as they walked by, rubbing the bite marks that were on the verge of bleeding. It was far less than she deserved, so Yakko glared at her once more before leaving.
The brothers walked in silence as they headed off to the kitchen for ice, not knowing what to say about what had happened. Eventually, though, Wakko gave it a shot.
“I’m sorry I ruined your lesson, Yakko,” He apologized.
Yakko sighed. “It’s not your fault Wakko, she never should’ve hit you.”
“Grandma is a meanie,” He sniffled, rubbing his fresh bruise.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Yakko said and meant it.
In truth, as they were walking Yakko noticed how much of a jerk he was before. He brushed him off and for what? Stuffy lessons with a snappy old lady? Now he knew why his parents always contradicted her. They probably trying to prevent something like this from ever happening.
“I’m sorry too, Wak,” He said. “I’ve been a meanie to you too.”
“S’okay. I forgive you,” Wakko smiled at Yakko, and Yakko cringed at the sight of his bruise, which was only increasing in size. Thankfully, they were almost at the kitchen by now.
After a short moment of silence, they eventually reached it and Yakko slowly opened the door before peering inside, and upon finding it empty, he opened the door all the way and him and Wakko got in and went towards the back where the freezer was.
“Yakko? Wakko? What are you two doing here?” Yakko froze when he heard his mother’s voice. He internally facepalmed, realizing he forgot the spice racks blocked the view of the other half of the kitchen from the door.
“Mummy!” Wakko ran to her and she and William gasped.
“Wakko, what happened to your face?” She asked as he hugged her leg.
“Grandmummy got mad and-”
“Grandma did this to you?!” Lena asked, a mix of concern and rage in her voice.
“Lena...” William warned, placing a soft hand on her shoulder. Lena took in a deep breath.
“What happened?” William asked Yakko.
“Well Wakko wanted to sit in during my lesson with her, and he said her lesson was stupid and she got mad...” Yakko kicked the ground.
“Oh, I’ll kill her,” Angelina growled, looking at the door.
“Lena, deep breaths,” William reminded, though he looked angry too. Their mother obeyed, though still obviously very upset.
“I’m so sorry Wakko, dearest. Here- let’s get some ice on that bruise,” She said, with a soft smile, taking Wakko’s hand and taking him to the back.
“Is that the full story?” William asked. Yakko nodded.
“He said it was stupid grandma thought that good princes and kings don’t play with toys or have fun,” Yakko said.
“Your grandmother is wrong about that, and a great number of things,” William sighed. Yakko nodded.
“...I bit her,” he whispered. William blinked.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He asked, not quite sure if he heard it right.
“I bit her, after she hit Wakko and he fell, I bit her, right in the arm,” Yakko confessed.
William thought about that for a moment.
“Everything alright?” Lena asked, reentering with Wakko, who now had a bag of ice in his hand.
“Yakko bit your mother,” William explained and Lena gasped.
“Are you alright?” She asked him. Yakko nodded.
“A-after she hit Wakko I wanted to check on him but she wouldn’t let me so I bit her,” He explained. Lena sighed a breath of relief.
“That’s good dear... just... never do that again. The last thing either of us wants is for either of you two to get hurt, understood?” She asked. The boys nodded.
“Good,” she bent down and gave both of them a tight hug. “Now go play. Your father and I will have to have a long discussion with your grandmother later,” She said, looking back at William.
“Yay! Let’s go!” Wakko pulled on his brother’s arm, dragging him out of the kitchen.
“See, why didn’t I ever think of doing that?” was the last thing he heard his mother mutter to herself before getting dragged out.
Eventually, they made it back to the playroom, and Wakko immediately grabbed his toys and began playing with them, while Yakko bit his lip, unsure of what to do. It felt like forever since he played with dolls and toy soldiers, did he even know how to? Did Wakko even want him to play anymore?
Wakko seemed hesitant too, as when he noticed his brother’s awkward standing, he stopped and looked at him.
“Do you... wanna play with me?” He asked. Yakko nodded.
“I do,” he said. Wakko smiled and handed him a prince doll.
And so, for the rest of the afternoon, the two brothers played game after game, weaving intricate stories all of their own with brave princes, dragons, daring fights, and evil queens they slew together, always having each other’s back no matter what.
And it was true, from that moment on, Yakko swore to always have his brother’s back, and more importantly, to never become what his grandmother wanted of him. She could rot for all he cared, he’d never let anyone hurt his little sib ever again,
That, he promised.
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No, I am not done talking about aging up the characters of the Grishaverse, thank you very much...
(Spoilers for pretty much all of the Grishaverse!)
I’m going to come right out and say it - I don’t think aging up all of the characters was the smartest move. I think the Grishaverse is compelling, and the characters can be very complex, and part of that leans on the ages of the characters. I’m going to be talking about why I think (at least some) of the characters should have retained their same age, or at the very least, shouldn’t have been quite so aged up.
But first, I understand some reasons as to why they aged up characters, so I’m going to state them outright, to advocate on their behalf (but also, I can try my hand at debunking some of these. For funsies):
1. Mass audiences will be less interested if the main story feels too Y.A. - most adult audiences won’t want to watch that genre.
(This is a very fair argument! However, when comparing Shadow and Bone to other popular (non Y.A.) fantasies, Shadow and Bone is very Y.A. Compare Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings to Shadow and Bone, and you can see how the Y.A. genre permeates the text. There are character moments and story beats that Shadow and Bone utilizes that are characteristic of the Y.A. genre. It was created with that audience and expectation in mind. No matter how hard the show tries to divorce the source material from it’s Y.A. roots, it is still very much a Y.A. story. The second most important plot line is a romance and not the implications of how society created the Darkling and how society Must Be Fixed if we ever want to move on and win the war. Those problems of the wider Grishaverse are better tackled in the Nikolai Duology (which still stumbles), and the Nikolai Duology feels like a different story/genre because it’s tackling something different. Shadow and Bone is an inherently Y.A. story, and really, it is the later books in the Grishaverse that deviate from the tropes and traps of the genre.
No matter how you dice it, the original trilogy is very much a Y.A. story. Lean into it, and you might be better able to mess around with the fluidity of the genre, all while your audience knows what the story is, and what will come of it.
Alternatively, the writers could have gotten deep into the text and tried to bring up the deeper problems of the story (most of those grey areas) to make it less trope-like, but that would require an almost complete retelling, which we did not get.
Too often, Y.A. stories are divorced from the genre when they are adapted, but it’s not done in an organic way that looks at the text itself, and it feels very off when viewing. Just let Shadow and Bone be what it is.
If you want a longer rant on this, hmu.)
2. Some very serious things happen to these characters! To write about it is one thing, but to watch a 17 year old Alina be manipulated in this way or to watch a 19 year old Genya be used in this way is dark and very much Not Okay!
(Yes! Watching all of the terrible, terrible things happen is bad enough on it’s own, and when you de-age Alina from 25 to 17 and Genya from 30 to 19, there are some very big consequences! It’s not nearly as inviting or Okay to view! Anyone would be rightly horrified! Especially older audiences!
Well, forgive me for being so blunt, but that is part of The Point. Part of what makes all of this so cruel and so unfair is that these characters are young - they are barely no longer children - and that is what heightens the injustice of it all. Alina is a teenager who is tasked with saving the world and freeing an oppressed people! And she doesn’t want to do it! That’s a lot to handle, right?
Arguably, by keeping their young ages, you are better breaking out of the Y.A. adaptation trap because you are making a statement about how young these characters are and how unfair all of this is. Y.A. adaptations always age up the characters for palatability, but by keeping them young, you are making it more grungy and more frightening without even changing the source material!)
3. Okay, but adult audiences don’t want to ship teenagers. How will we get them to watch?
(This argument is probably the most sound, and it makes the most sense! Netflix wants to get the widest audience they can - they know teenagers who read the book are going to watch it anyway, so they need to get the older crowd invested. An easy way to get people invested is to get them hooked on a romance plotline. Then you have to watch the show to see how it progresses! It would be hard to do that if adults feel uncomfortable telling 16 year olds to kiss already.
Another problem is that Shadow and Bone doesn’t have an adult cast - they have the young ones and that’s about it. Compare that to Game of Thrones (or, if you want me to stop with GOT references, shows like Cobra Kai) where there are 2+ generations - fans have the older group to ship, and the younger group to wish the best for.
This is a trap of the Y.A. genre. They are Kids, but they are Not. In the book, this works fine, as their ages aren’t mentioned often. In fact, in the books, they read like competent 25 year olds, except for key moments when they show their age, which usually feels bittersweet (the Six of Crows Duology is much better at this than Shadow and Bone, but I digress). So what do we do?
Well, D*rklina fans aren’t going to like this, but I would argue that we keep Alina and Mal aged down, and the story subliminally changes from “the love triangle” to “coming of age while dealing with abusive relationships”. In fact, this is another great way to divorce it from the Y.A. genre, which was already a goal we had in mind.)
✧ *:･ﾟ
Now, let’s move onto character analyses... everyone’s favorite.
In this section, I’m going to break down some main characters from the Shadow and Bone Netflix show (and some upcoming characters, just for the hell of it) and I’m going to advocate for changing their ages. At the end, I’ll give you a rough ballpark estimate for what I think they should have been.
(Also, I just want to address that I loved the actors chosen for the Netflix show, and this is in no way an attack on them. They did great, and they’re performances were amazing. This is me talking about an issue the showrunners made, not the actors.)
Alina Starkov
First, we get to talk about the lovely Alina Starkov. Jessie Mei Li is 25 years old. Her book counterpart is 17. That’s a whopping 8 year difference where a lot of growth happens. Alina Starkov in the books is doing her best for a girl who is told that she is going to save the world. She doesn’t have a lot of experience outside of the orphanage and the army, and so her knowledge of how Grisha are treated is ignorant at best, and malicious at worst. She doesn’t see nearly all of the suffering that is happening in the world, and for the most part, it stays that way. She knows the Fjerdans don’t like them, she knows the Shu are bad too, but she doesn’t really know the extent.
She really gets a good look at it in the 3rd book, but for a large part of the series, Alina doesn’t really know what she’s up against, and her age is an easy explanation for her ignorance. A 17 year old growing up in a remote orphanage hasn’t had the greatest education. A 25 year old Alina has less excuses.
(There’s also a lot to be said about how Alina mostly... doesn’t care about the wider issues plaguing Grisha. This is decidedly Bad. I’m going to say this once, and I will say it many times again, but generally, audiences are more okay when a younger character does Bad Things because they reason they’ll learn in time. Thus, for a show, it’s strategically better to make these characters younger. Saying this doesn’t mean I support Alina’s disregard, it just means I recognize how it is utilized in storytelling.)
But why is her ignorance important, you ask? Because, Alina misses a key point of why the Darkling does what he does. To her, his actions of expanding the Fold are very black and white. Even when she’s with him, she refuses to see how it’s justified. Thus, a younger Alina is a little more understandable.
If Netflix was planning on focusing on how the Darklings desires are good but his methods are wrong, keeping Alina aged up is fine because she could be the voice of those concerns. However, I don’t really see that happening, so aging her up seems cheap.
Furthermore, part of the injustice of Alina’s character is that she is a child tasked with saving the world. She is a teenager who is being worshipped as a Saint, and who is going to have to martyr herself for the good of the world. It’s unfair. It’s cruel. Alina being 25 doesn’t somehow change this injustice, but to the average viewer, seeing a 17 year old child dying for the good of Ravka - dying because she’s the only one who can stop the villain - is more emotional and more disturbing.
There’s your grit, Netflix. It was already handed to you.
And I know, Ben Barnes (who plays the Darkling) is 39! It would be extremely uncomfortable to watch him fall in love and manipulate Alina! Again, I’m apologizing to the D*rklina shippers, because that is The Point. The Darkling is hundreds (perhaps thousands) of years old. That is why his talk of “eternity” is so compelling. He has felt it. He has lived it. When he tells Alina that he will break her, it should be greatly disturbing!
It would change the feeling of the story completely if Alina looks like a teenager. It would be a story about survival - not of romance. And while survival is definitely a Y.A. dystopian or fantasy trope, depending on how it’s handled, it could be markedly different from its predecessors.
However, book Alina is a minor, and that doesn’t sit right with me. Thus, I would make Alina 18, or 19 at the most. She should still very much be a teenager.
Malyen Oretsev
Mal is the next character we get to talk about, and I’m sure you have an idea about what I’m going to say. Archie Renaux is 23 and his book counterpart is 18. That’s only a five year difference, which isn’t that damning, but still leaves some problems.
One thing a lot of people disliked about Mal in the books was his temper and the way he expressed his frustrations. Now, while it’s true that viewers tend to be more forgiving with male characters having bad attitudes, this attitude problem could still be something that viewers will dislike in later seasons. This problem is only larger when you factor in an older age.
Already, I expect people to complain about Mal’s temper and his inability to vent his frustrations in a healthy way (avoiding talking to Alina, blowing up, having a sour mood, having violent or explosive tendencies). This is only going to get worse when another argument added is “he is a grown man. He should have learned how to cope by now.” This argument isn’t completely nullified by a younger age, but it is made a little more understandable to the audience.
(Again, in no way am I justifying these unhealthy behaviors, nor am I saying it’s okay when younger men do it, I’m just saying that viewers on a whole are more likely to excuse this behavior from a younger man - a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless.)
And as for his tracking ability, which is the best out of everyone in the world, he is gifted primarily because he’s an amplifier. At the end of Ruin and Rising, it’s noted that he can’t track nearly as well as he could because the world doesn’t hum with life in the way it used to. The in-world explanation probably also explains the ease with which he can pick up new skills. Thus, Mal doesn’t need to be aged up for skill reasons.
So, I would make Mal 19-21 in the series. He can be the slightly older than Alina, and everything works out how it should.
The Darkling
This one is going to be really quick - I think the age they made the Darkling was fine. Ben Barnes is 39 and we really don’t get an answer as to how old the Darkling is in the book (although he’s older than 400 years old, because the Fold was created 400 years ago).
It’s worth noting that in the books, the Darkling isn’t described as being much older than (a 17 year old) Alina, but having him be markedly older than Alina was a smart move for subtext, but also for the presence that the Darkling has, and the reverence with which people regard him. The Darkling has power - I can’t imagine a 17 year old boy having the same effect as a grown man.
I have no beef with a 39 year old Darkling. I wouldn’t age him down much more, but I also wouldn’t make him much older, either.
Genya Safin
Genya Safin is another character I feel like should be addressed. Daisy Head is 30 years old. In the books, Genya is 19. Now, Genya’s character is an interesting one, because arguably either age suits her character. Throughout the series she’s shown to be more mature and capable than Alina, and while she places importance on the cliques of the Little Palace (which was poorly shown in the show, imo), she was raised in this environment from very young, and she’s at the bottom of the ranking. Her investment in it is justified.
Sadly, I think more viewers would be moved by her story of sexual abuse if she were younger, but what happened is a tragedy and it was wrong no matter how you dice it.
Her age is one of the few I’m neutral on.
However, she and Alina are shown to be very close in the book, and while that doesn’t carry over as easily in the show, I think it would be nice to place her at least a little closer in age to Alina, but still keep her a little older so that she can offer her advice and it doesn’t feel preachy or unearned.
I would place her around 19-26. She has a lot of room for her age, because it’s not vital that she be any specific age.
David Kostyk
I’m very briefly talking about David because Luke Pasqualino is 31 and David in the books is 19-20. I aged down Genya, and since they are love interests, I would like them to be in a little closer range of each other.
However, David is a very gifted Fabrikator - so much so that he changes the war considerably in later books - so I still want him to be older than the average cast.
I would place him around 24-29, and mostly, it would be based around the age of Genya. I wouldn’t want him to be 29 if Genya is 19. That’s just the ballpark range.
Zoya Nazyalensky
The final Shadow and Bone character I’m going to talk about is Zoya because she’s really important later in the Grishaverse. Online, I could not determine exactly what Sujaya Dasgupta’s age is, but the two ages most commonly given are 19 or 21. Zoya in the books is 19-20, so Sujaya is one of the most faithful castings in terms of age.
I think it’s important that Zoya is around the age of Alina. Not only do they have a shared love interest in the form of Nikolai (and the Darkling in the show, which I absolutely hate), but they also have a rivalry for the Darkling’s favor (which isn’t romantic, but about sTATUS), and having her be markedly older than a teenage Alina would be weird, in my opinion.
Furthermore, Zoya’s character is pretty closed off and (dare I say) one-dimensional in the original Shadow and Bone trilogy, so keeping her younger isn’t going to make her any less believable. She’s not particularly wise, so keeping her young won’t be an issue.
Finally, she has a romantic plotline with Mal (even if it doesn’t go anywhere), so we want to keep her within range of Mal’s age, too.
I would place Zoya at 19-22. Thus, I am in agreement with the showrunners!
Nikolai Lantsov
A character that has yet to make an appearance in the show is Nikolai Lantsov, who is stated as being 20-21 in Siege and Storm, and the rest of the Shadow and Bone trilogy. Nikolai hasn’t been casted yet, but I decided to put him here because why not?
Nikolai, interestingly enough, is a character I would like to age up, however, only slightly. Nikolai is a very accomplished character, as anyone who has read the series knows, and while he does have the grooming to be that smart and accomplished, he is able to outsmart the Darkling and other older characters on multiple occasions, and him being so young just seems off.
Of course, I understand why he is young - his love interests are, and he certainly has his moments where he’s boyish and unprepared - but these reasons pale in comparison to all of his talents and accomplishments.
Taking all of this into consideration, I would put Nikolai at 23 or 24. It’s a minor age change, and it would really just make him more apt to grow into his role. He’s still young enough to where people can underestimate him, but he’s old enough to justify having such smarts and charm.
The only argument I can see going against this is his love story with Alina, seeing as she’s 18/19, but I think there was a lot that went into his pursuit of Alina. At first it was political, but after that, it became about how Alina was someone who challenged him and knew him for all that he was. It was less of a romance and more of a friendship that lended itself to a nice opportunity. It could have been more. It wasn’t. Plus, the age gap isn’t egregious.
Tamar Kir-Bataar and Tolya Yul-Bataar
I’m briefly talking about these twins, because they are originally 18-19 in the Shadow and Bone Trilogy, and I would like them to be older overall. Tamar and Tolya are some of the most competent characters in the Grishaverse, and having them be the same age as Mal and Alina is off, in my mind.
I would like them to be at least Nikolai’s age or older, so 23-27.
✧ *:･ﾟ
Finally, we’re on to the crows....
Kaz Brekker
Ah, yes. The Bastard of the Barrel. His is a character I was actually really glad to see aged up, before watching the show. Afterwards, I have some more complex thoughts. Freddy Carter is 28 years old and Kaz, in the books, is 17.
Kaz in the books is very competent. So much so that he outsmarts everyone he comes up against - characters who are older than him and often have military strategy. Furthermore, he is ruthless. He is probably one of the darkest characters in all of the Grishaverse, and all of that is placed on the shoulders of a 17 year old. To make a comparison, he and Alina are the same age when their stories take place (Shadow and Bone for Alina, and Six of Crows for Kaz). I don’t know a lot of young celebrities to make the comparison, but he’s a teenager. He’s a child.
Aging up Kaz in the show was something I was very much on board for. Kaz is a ruthless killer and an expert thief, and making him older was a smart move, imo. A Kaz in his 20′s made more sense.
However, when we meet Kaz in season one of Shadow and Bone, he’s very much in his fledgling state. Not a single plan of his goes as planned. He is foiled at every step, and the most gruesome thing he did in the show wasn’t bad, when you compare it to thing Kaz has canonically done.
Rumors say that the Six of Crows arc is going to pick up in season two, and while I hope it doesn’t, I covered that particular argument far more in depth in another post and won’t address it here. Whether or not I think show Kaz is up to snuff, I think they aged him up too much and they depowered him too much.
Part of Kaz’ secret weapon was that he was wicked smart and crazy competent, but people underestimated him because of his age. They figured he didn’t have nearly enough experience to be as ruthless and cunning as he was. They were clearly wrong.
I think that Kaz in his 20′s makes sense, but Kaz in his late 20′s does not. Especially when you factor in the fact that he was so epically unsuccessful in the show, the extent to which they made him older wasn’t doing him any favors. It made him less “Dirtyhands” than he is.
So, final say, I would have made Kaz 20 or 21 in Shadow and Bone. We’re de-aging him so he still has time to grow, but he’s not crazy overpowered at 17. Furthermore, in a perfect world, he has time to age between Shadow and Bone and the events of Six of Crows.
Inej Ghafa
Inej is played by Amita Suman who is 23 years old. In the books, Inej is 16. In an interesting turn of events, I don’t find Inej in the books to be terribly overpowered so much as she is just really talented.
Inej in Six of Crows is hesitant to kill. She’s smart and watchful, and she’s a really great spider. She’s given backstory to explain all of this, and it makes sense. At most, she is mature for her age, but that is also given a pretty damn good reason. She has to be.
The few reasons I could see as to aging up her character is to make it less awkward for the romance between her and Kaz, as well as make the crows group more cohesive in age, with fewer outliers, both of which I am not against.
I would make Inej around 18 or 19 and call it a day.
Jesper Fahey
Jesper is another character that I largely have no problems with. Jesper is played by Kit Young who is 26 years old, and in the books, Jesper is 17.
In the books, Jesper is an extremely talented marksman, but part of that (even if he doesn’t know it or doesn’t want to acknowledge it in the books) is because he is a Grisha Fabrikator and he is using his gifts to bend the bullets he shoots and aims them where they need to go. His character wasn’t particularly overpowered in the books, and as for his personality, in the books he acted the most “teenage-like,” but in the show, he retained his same youthfulness without it seeming out of place, so that isn’t particularly damning.
For Jesper, I don’t mind aging him up or making him younger. Both work.
However, he has a romantic plotline with Wylan (who I will get to eventually), so we wan’t to keep that in mind.
Final say, I would make Jesper 18. He’s the same age as (or slightly younger than) Inej, and that sits well with me.
Matthias Helvar
Oh, boy. If you’ve been on my blog long, you know this is the character that started this whole rant. Because here’s the thing: Matthias is an incredibly complex character. And part of that complexity comes from the fact that Matthias doesn’t know about anything beyond what Fjerda has taught him. He is heavily indoctrinated and heavily ignorant, and his struggle is what makes him such an interesting character.
Matthias is played by Calahan Skogman who is 28 (in my other meta, he was 27, but birthdays, y’know?). In the books, Matthias is 18 when Six of Crows takes place. That’s a whopping 10 year age gap. As you can imagine, so much happens in 10 years time. Now, with Matthias, we’re going to look at his life a little more in depth so that you can really understand how this 10 year gap affects his ignorance.
Matthias’ family were killed by Grisha when he was a child. We don’t know how young, but that doesn’t really matter, because either way it’s traumatic. Soon afterward, he starts training to become a soldier. Now, just when drüskelle are allowed to be fully initiated at Hringkälla is unknown, but I’m guessing the age would be at youngest, 14 (although, it’s probably closer to 16, but I’m not arguing about that right now). Grisha are supposed to be the most dangerous type of person. The Fjerdans are not going to put 12 year olds out there to fight them. So, a roughly 14 year old Matthias is going on expeditions to catch Grisha.
When he is 17, Matthias meets Nina. At this point, he has only been a full drüskelle for 3-ish years. Regardless of how many Grisha Matthias has captured, 3 years is a vast difference from his show counterpart, who is 28 and therefore (as a drüskelle since he was 14) has been capturing Grisha for 14 years. In fact, in the show, they give Matthias props for having been the one with the clever ideas for capturing Nina, which shows he has done this often.
After that, Matthias spends one year in Hellgate, making in 18 in the books and (eventually) 29 in the show.
So, why was it so important that I detail that for you? Matthias’ change of heart is prompted by Nina, a pretty Grisha. I’m not saying their bond is shallow, but if you are a man who has a nasty past with Grisha and has been hunting them for 14 years, having a pretty Grisha change your mind is a little shallow and a little unbelievable. Even though Nina saved his life, I think it’s a little hard to sell the substantial change of heart he has.
On the other hand, if Matthias is 18-19, he’s still a hormonal teenager, and his feelings for Nina prompting some critical thinking makes more sense. Furthermore, Matthias is younger and more impressionable. It would be much easier to change his worldview, if he were younger.
All in all, I would de age Matthias to be 19-20. Slightly older than in the books to allow for Nina to be a little older than her book counterpart (which I’m about to get to.)
Nina Zenik
Almost finished with my rant, we’re talking about Nina. Nina is played by Danielle Galligan who is 28 years old, and in the books, Nina is 17.
Now, Nina Zenik is a capable character. She is a spy. She speaks multiple languages, she’s a talented Grisha, and she’s quite self-assured. All of that advocates for an older Nina, so that she may have time to hone these impressive skills. Furthermore, Nina is the most sexualized of the Crows. I wouldn’t mind her being older, and I’m sure general audiences would be in favor of her not being a teenager.
Nina is also a soldier and she has a very complex storyline in Six of Crows, and later. By all accounts, aging her up is not a bad idea. In fact, I quite like the idea that Nina is older. I agree that she should be aged up, just not to the extent she was.
If this were my world, I would make Nina 20-22. That would make her the oldest out of all of the crows, and I quite like that.
Wylan Van Eck
Wylan has yet to be casted, but he is 16 in the books, and pretty damn smart. He’s not street smart, mind you, but he’s a chemistry nerd and demolitionist, so he’s very competent.
He’s still under his father’s thumb, but I don’t take that to mean he has to be young - abuse can affect you well into your life.
He’s definitely a character more naive to the realities of the Barrel, but that can easily be played off as “the rich boy is out of depth.”
There’s nothing that explicitly needs him to be younger than an adult, although the argument for making him young amongst the crows is strong and still stands.
He has a love story with Jesper, so we want to keep in mind the fact that Jesper is an adult.
Wylan also has the tricky little storyline of him being tailored into being Kuwei, so in determining his age, we want to keep him in the ballpark of Kuwei. Luckily, he was tailored from a Grisha on parem, so truly, anything is possible.
For his smarts, his competence, and his love story, I think we should age him up.
All in all, I would make Wylan 18. It’s not far from his book counterpart, and I think it makes sense.
Kuwei Yul-Bo
Kuwei is another character who was yet to be casted. He is 16 in Six of Crows, and I would say he is the character who most shows his age. Kuwei may be wicked smart, but he’s a chaos gremlin who doodles in his notebook, pretends to not understand Kerch, and also renames himself to be nhaban - “rising phoenix” in Shu. He doesn’t scheme the way the rest of the crows do, and while this can be explained away by the fact that he’s not a criminal, there still seems to be something hopeful and youthful about his character.
He’s still a boy in mourning over the death of his father, and he’s currently one of the world’s most wanted. In Crooked Kingdom, he’s vibing in a tomb for the majority of the book. Kuwei is honestly such a fun character that I hope gets more complexity in coming Grishaverse content.
Kuwei is very similar to Wylan in that he’s wicked smart (although his dad is a scientist and they have worked together, so there is some in-world explanation) and he has a crush on Jesper (don’t we all?).
Taking this into account, I would make Kuwei 17 or 18.
✧ *:･ﾟ
TL;DR, the characters of the Grishaverse were aged up and I’m a little miffed about it. The reasons for aging them up are to detract from the source material being a Y.A. story, but you cannot separate a story from it’s genre. The story is inherently Y.A. because it uses story beats that are typical of a Y.A. story. It’s not just viewer expectation - the story is Y.A. The ages of the characters in the books are very young in some cases, but in the show they were aged up too much, imo. It detracts from the tragedy of them being young and forced to survive, and it adds very little in most cases.
✧ *:･ﾟ
tagging @missumaru
#grishaverse#shadow and bone#shadow and bone spoilers#s&b spoilers#alina starkov#malyen oretsev#the darkling#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#matthias helvar#genya safin#zoya nazyalensky#nikolai lantsov#david kostyk#wylan van eck#kuwei yul-bo#meta#grishaverse meta#shadow and bone meta#i am once again ranting about the grishaverse#like... no one asked for this but also you asked for this don't lie
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The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 4)
A/N: I know it's been quite some time since I last updated the story, but I felt like I was losing motivation for the continuation of the story, as I don't have any feedback on how people like it. But I thought it would be unfair to the story and whoever read it so far if I abandoned it altogether - I have already written a few parts and I don't want to just leave them.
No of Words: 3400+
Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft
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“The Volturi Princess ” Tag List (reply if you want to be tagged or removed):
@felixvolturisprincess @singerj2002 @mrtony-stank1 @ikissedthescarsonherskin @alecvolturiswifeforever @hshehdyhd @kpopgirlbtssvt @eunoia-kth @iilsenewman
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(Y/N)’s POV:
I started screaming as I was watching my father launch an attack on Felix. He was tossed over 50 meters away, and he fell to the ground with a loud thud. I ran towards him before my father attempted anything else, and fell to my knees, capturing his face carefully between my hands.
Half of his face was deeply cracked, along with the back of his head, and - I assumed - other parts of his body as well. This was my fault. “Perdonami, amore mio. Non volevo che ti facessi male. Ti porterò via da qui.” (“Forgive me, my love. I did not want you to get hurt. I will take you away from here.”)
I looked towards Demetri and the Twins and communicated with them the only way I could now. ‘Guys, please, come over here. Take care of Felix, while I deal with my parents. My shield will cover you for your own protection.’ My voice echoed within their heads, and although they were shocked for a few seconds, they all agreed.
They ran and stood beside me, and I let my shield expand from my body, and surround the four guards. I was devastated to see Felix, my mate, my only love be in this position, but I had no time to waste. I turned to my parents.
“Ώρα να τελειώνουμε. Έκανα υπομονή μαζί σας, αλλά, απ’ ότι φαίνεται, θέλετε να είμαι μίζερη, αρκεί να είμαι μαζί σας και να σας υπηρετώ.” (“It’s time to get over (with it). I had patience with you, but, it seems that you want me to be miserable, as long as I am with you and I serve you.”)
“(Ο/Σ), το ξέρεις ότι σε αγαπάμε και νοιαζόμαστε για σένα. Θέλουμε ό,τι καλύτερο για σένα. Αν καταφέρουμε να νικήσουμε και τον Άρο στο ενδιάμεσο, ακόμα καλύτερα.” (“(Y/N), you know that we love you and we care about you. We want the best for you. If we managed to beat Aro in the meantime, even better.”)
“Μαμά, αυτό δεν καταλαβαίνετε. Δε με νοιάζει να νικήσω τον Άρο. Δε σας αναζήτησα επειδή ήθελα να εκδικηθώ τον Άρο. Σας έψαξα γιατί ήθελα να καλύψω αυτό το κενό που ένιωθα μέσα μου. Ένιωθα την απουσία σας και, όταν βρήκα την ευκαιρία και το κουράγιο, ήρθα να σας βρω!” (“Mom, that’s what you don’t understand. I don’t care about beating Aro. I didn’t look for you because I want to take my revenge on Aro. I looked for you because I wanted to mend the emptiness I felt inside. I felt your absence and, when I got the chance and (gathered) the courage, I came to find you!”)
“Ψυχούλα μου..” (“My little soul..”)
“Σταμάτα. Καταφέρατε να καταστρέψετε ό,τι καλύτερο είχα στη ζωή μου και να με απομακρύνετε από κοντά σας. Ήρθε η ώρα να τελειώνουμε με αυτό!” (“Stop. You managed to ruin the best thing I’ve had in my life and push me away from you. It’s time to get over with this!”)
I opened my arms wide and closed my eyes. I gathered up as much energy as I could possibly derive from the pain and anger I was feeling. My emotions were feeding my power and made me stronger, though I felt my heart breaking in sadness. I felt my whole body lighting up, purple and black flames burning high. I looked straight at my parents. Purple smoke came out of my hands aggressively towards my parents as I casted my spell to make them forget about me and the Volturi ever existing.
The smoke surrounded both of them and they were unable to move or resist. I saw their wide eyes, their open mouths that could not utter a single word, and suddenly they fell down. The smoke slowly started disappearing and then I let myself fall on my knees crying.
I didn’t want to force my parents to forget me. I didn’t want to leave them, but, the way things turned, the way I turned and lost myself under their influence, I had to get away, I had to save my friends and myself. At least, this way, I wouldn’t have to kill them or deal with them anymore - we would be separated as we always were, and they won’t even know about my existence or the Volturi’s. I have created some vague memories about how they came to be, but nothing too specific.
I turned to my friends, retrieving my shield back to me. They were all on their knees, surrounding Felix, and examining him. Jane turned to look at me, her eyes desperate. Felix didn’t show any sign of life. I leaned over him and kissed him slightly on his lips. I passed my hand over his entire body, gold flashes shining bright, trying to heal him. The cracked skin started healing back to its original state and it took a few seconds for Felix to open his eyes. I stroke his hair lightly, while staring at him lovingly. He smiled faintly, and my heart melted with love.
“Dove sono?” (“Where am I?”) was the first thing he asked.
“Siamo ancora in Grecia.” (“We’re still in Greece.”) I told him while still stroking his hair. It calmed both of us down.
“Possiamo tornare a casa?” (“Can we go back home?”)
“Ma certo, amore mio. Torniamo a casa.” (“But of course, my love. Let’s go back home.”) I told him without thinking of the consequences. I would do anything for Felix to be okay, even if that meant going back to Volterra.
“Grazie, anima mia.” (“Thank you, my soul.”) Felix said, closing his eyes and passing out again.
I offered to carry him back home, not only because he was my mate, but because no other vampire was physically as strong as to carry the mountain that Felix was for such a long distance. We decided to travel up north, passing through the Ottoman and the Austro-Hungarian Empires to reach Italy, as we wouldn’t be able to cross the Adriatic Sea with Felix still being unconscious.
We reached Volterra about a week later, sometime after midnight, so no humans could notice us. Felix was still unconscious and I was getting really worried. What did my father do to him? However, I didn’t have enough time to examine him as Santiago noticed us and asked us to follow him in the throne room. We entered the cold room, the atmosphere electrified with hostility.
Aro saw us and started going down the stairs. “(Y/N), my dear granddaughter! I missed you terribly. I am so glad you’re back, mio figlio (my child).” Liar.
“I’m happy to be back, Aro.” I was lying just as much as he was.
Aro stared at the unconscious Felix in my arms. “What happened? Jane?” Aro called Jane to come over, stretching out his hand to reach her. I knew that he would soon know everything about me, my parents, and anything and anyone else that the Elite Guards came across on their mission. Jane looked at me apologetically. I nodded at her to show her that I didn’t mind. I knew this was going to happen.
A few minutes later, Aro turned back to me. “I’m glad you are okay, my dear. And I’m very curious about the range of your powers and your gift. But, we both know that your mate and one of my Elite Guards has been badly wounded. So, it is safe to say that you will have to be punished for both his state and the fact that you ran away.” Aro grinned. He knew I was feeling guilty about Felix’s condition and that I would only have to accept his verdict, as I did.
“Good. Demetri, Santiago. Can you please take Felix to his room?” Both guards nodded as they took Felix out of my arms, and exited the room quickly. “My dear, I’m sorry I have to do this.” No, you’re not. “But you will have to stay in the dungeons, for as long as it’s needed as your punishment. You are not to interact with anyone else unless I have allowed it first. Of course, I’m not going to treat you as badly as other prisoners. You will have a small room and a bathroom, to...take care of your human needs, but you will not be allowed to enjoy other comforts as you previously did. That means you will remain in your room until I allow you to come out. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Aro.” I agreed with him, just because I knew I had to be punished for the way Felix was feeling now. “What about Felix?”
“Felix will remain in his room. If you want to visit him, you’ll have to ask for my permission. I will assign you a guard to stay outside of your room at all times, should you need anything. You know, (Y/N), I could have been way harsher on you. I am trying to be as lenient as I can, dear.”
“I know.” I agree with him, as I didn’t want to cause any more problems for now.
“Chelsea, Afton. Please, escort (Y/N) to her new room. Afton, you will stay with her.”
“Yes, master.” They both bowed before Aro, as we all turned, walking towards the dungeons, where I would spend my remaining days.
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The days were passing without any news about Felix. Was he awake? Was he still unconscious? I asked about him probably 10 times a day; Afton was getting tired of me. He would, of course, have to feed, so Chelsea took his position guarding me. I, myself, was only allowed human food, which I didn’t mind, but it was only to keep me weakened and restricted, which I did mind. I could barely sense Felix through our bond, and trying to track him made me feel dizzy and exhausted. I knew I could not help him from here, I had to see him.
“Chelsea? Chelsea, please, open up. I have to go see Felix.”
“I’m sorry, (Y/N), I can’t let you go see him. Aro did not approve this.” I heard Chelsea’s voice behind the door.
“Please, Chelsea, you know how mates are. I cannot not see him, not now that he’s in such a position. I want to help him, Chelsea. I don’t know what I’m going to do if anything else happens to him. Please.”
There were a few seconds of silence, which felt like hours. Chelsea opened the door and allowed me to get out of the room. “You’re going to get me in trouble, (Y/N).” I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back.
“I’m so sorry, Chelsea. If anything happens, I’ll take full responsibility. Nothing will happen to you. I promise.” Chelsea nodded but insisted she escorted me to Felix’s room.
I ran up the stairs, getting out of the dungeons, and ran towards the Elite Guards’ quarters, with Chelsea close behind me. I stood outside of Felix’s room, my heart pounding, and struggling to calm my breath. Before I could knock on the door, it opened slightly and Demetri’s head popped out. He was a bit pale and his eyes were black - he clearly hasn’t fed in days.
“(Y/N), you shouldn’t be here.” He whispered though it would still be easy for other vampires nearby to hear us. “If the masters find out you came here, without Aro’s permission, you’ll be in big trouble.”
“I don’t care, Dem. I can’t get in any more trouble than I am right now. Please, I have to see him. I have to make sure he’s okay.” Demetri did not move.
“Σε παρακαλώ, Δημήτρη. Δεν μπορώ να μείνω μακριά του και το ξέρεις. Σε παρακαλώ, άφησε με να τον δω.” (“Please, Demetri. I can’t stay away from him and you know it. Please, let me see him.”) I pleaded and pleaded. Demetri took some time, but moved aside and let me get in the room.
“Chelsea, can you stay with (Y/N)? I have to go out.” Chelsea nodded at Demetri, and he quickly left the room - I assumed he went hunting.
I turned my head towards the bed where Felix was laying, eyes closed, still unconscious. I moved towards him and stood there for a while. His face looked peaceful and calm, a calmness I’ve never seen before on him. He was always intense, or stern, or even smiling slightly a few times. But never like this, never drained out of life and energy.
I felt a few tears running down my face. Now it’s not the time for tears, (Y/N). Felix was pale, almost translucent, and covered with a bedsheet that only left his face, shoulders, and chest exposed. I hated seeing him in this state, and from the hands of my parents - they were equally responsible for his state, but that didn’t matter now.
I reached out to caress his cheek. Cold as ever, but still soft and perfect. Felix was perfect, maybe a little too perfect for me. He didn’t deserve to suffer like this; it was not his fault that my whole family was messed up. Aro promised him a better life before he turned him into a vampire, and now, he looked like he was dying.
The only indicator that he was still alive somehow was his small breaths which could go unnoticed if you didn’t stare at him for a long time. He looked weak and fragile; he would hate looking fragile, as much as I did right now. He does not deserve this. We should have been celebrating now. We indirectly admitted that we were mates - I hoped he still remembered that. We could have been together by now.
I thought about all the times we caught each other staring; all the small smiles we would exchange; every time he would defend my stupid actions when I got carried away talking back to Aro or Caius; every time he got confused when I talked to the kings or Demetri and Chelsea in Greek - Demetri offered to teach him but he had trouble learning and he gave up trying.
I thought about every time we spent time in the library, me reading essays or poems or history books, and him either keeping me company, while also ensuring my safety, or trying to read books in different languages, and failing miserably - although he was an expert speaker of many languages, he wasn’t able to read or write in those languages that well. The smallest detail, the smallest thing he would do was what made me fall in love with him, again and again. And now, I only wished I could do something, anything to help him.
And then, the realization hit me. I was human. Well, partially human, but still human. I had blood in my veins, I could blush, I could cry. My blood did not appeal to others as much as a regular human’s would, but I was Felix’s mate. Maybe my blood could help him. Without thinking twice, I bit down on my wrist.
I heard Chelsea squeaking at my action, but I continued. I bit as hard as I could, moaning in pain in the process until I saw enough blood gushing out of the bite. I lifted Felix’s head as carefully as I could and brought my bloody wrist to his mouth, forcing the blood to enter his mouth. My heart was pounding at the sight; Felix was still unconscious, my blood not helping him.
Suddenly, I saw Felix gulping. He chugged big gulps of my blood, his body coming slowly to life. His color was getting better, healthier and he took my wrist in his hands as he continued to suck on my wrist greedily. My wrist started going numb, my stomach twisted and turned, and my heartbeat weakened. I didn’t try to pull my hand away from him; it was the least I could do for him. Chelsea must have heard my weakened heart and ran towards me, trying to pull me away from Felix. I guess she didn’t make it in time, as everything around me went black before I heard Felix screaming my name.
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My head felt heavy and dizzy. I couldn’t feel the rest of my body, though I could hear my faint heart. I couldn’t even open my eyes, as if they were forced shut. Besides that, I felt nothing and everything. I felt a weight pushing me down, but I also felt as if my body didn’t belong to me anymore. I was feeling pain, but I was also feeling the ultimate relaxation. I didn’t know where I was, but I felt the familiarity of the environment. I felt powerless, but I also didn’t care at the moment.
I was in my own empty world, a place where I could finally relax. I felt at peace. The last thing I remember was Felix feeding off of me, and that made me smile. If Felix was okay and alive, I’d be happy. I would have died saving my mate, the only person I truly and unconditionally loved.
A conversation nearby interrupted my thoughts. “Demetri, Chelsea! She smiled!” Felix? “She smiled! I saw it! She’s alive!” So, I didn’t actually die?
“Felix, don’t do this to yourself. We don’t know if she’ll be okay. Let’s just wait for Jane and Alec to return with Carlisle.” Demetri sounded reserved. Carlisle? Carlisle would come here? I smiled again. Carlisle always treated me like I was his daughter, and I saw him as the caring father figure I never had.
“She smiled again! Amore mio, please open your eyes, I want to know that you are okay.” Felix, I missed you so much. I wish I could have told you how much I love you. I hated to see you unconscious. Oh, how I wish I could hug you right now. “(Y/N), please. Open your eyes.” His voice was filled with pain.
I tried to wake up, to reach out for him, but I couldn’t. The darkness was swallowing me. I couldn’t fight it. I couldn’t react, I couldn’t scream. I wanted to tell him that I was okay, but I couldn’t open my mouth to tell him that. All I could do was lay there and wait, wait for this to be over. I would either get better or worse, and I had accepted both scenarios as plausible.
“Felix, maybe you should leave, this is not good for you.” Demetri has always been protective towards Felix, although Felix was stronger, faster, sturdier than Demetri. Demetri was the most logical out of the four Elite Guards, way less sadistic than any of the Volturi, if not sadistic at all. He was the voice of reason, and the one who would always check upon every single one of us for our mental health - being a vampire for so long could easily mess up our mind and perception, and Demetri always made sure we were okay and knew there was always someone for us to talk to.
“I cannot leave her, you know. She..she sacrificed herself for me. That’s the ultimate sacrifice a mate can do for their mate. The least I can do is stay by her side. She needs me as much as I need her right now.” I do need you, Felix, but most importantly, I need you to be happy. I don’t want you to suffer because of me.
“Please, Fe, let’s go for now. The Twins and Carlisle are on their way. Carlisle will know what to do. Right now, you cannot help (Y/N) or even yourself. Come on.”
“Fine. Goodbye, amore, I’ll come and see you soon.” I felt his cold lips against mine for a brief moment, and I felt like my heart skipping a beat from the sudden wave of happiness that spread across my body.
Felix noticed it. “Her heart.” He whispered.
“I know, Fe. Don’t have high hopes though. She has been unconscious for quite some time now. No one knows if she’ll be okay.” Demetri sounded reserved. Wait, how long have I been like this? “Quite some time now”? What?
“I know, Dem. I guess we should go.”
I felt a breeze and heard the door click. I was left alone with my thoughts and my weakened body, though I now had a feeling of happiness to support me through my last moments. I could finally let go of everything and finally find peace. I wish I could tell Felix how much I loved him. I wish I could tell him that he will be okay, everything will be okay. He will live a long and happy life because he owes it to himself. And with these thoughts, I finally felt my body falling into the darkness.
#felix volturi#twilight imagine#felix volturi x reader#volturi#twilight#twilight renessaince#twilight post#demetri volturi#alec volturi#jane volturi#the cullens#the denali coven
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First of all, let me just say, I absolutely love your writing style and how it's all so fluid, it never comes off as tired.
So I wanted to ask you, how do you write characters, do you plan before hand or do you jot down scenes as they come? Is there a structure you follow or do you go with the flow? And do you prefer describing the situation over conversation between characters?
I am asking all this because I write too but nothing of this scale, I write short stuff, kind of whimsical but succinct and there're a few plot lines that have been eating away at me for a few days but I don't really know where to start.
Hello, love!
Thank you so much for your compliments, I feel so flattered by them. It's such a big thing to have someone say they like my writing style, and even more so to ask me me for writing advice. I'm legit wildly flattered, so thank you. 🥰
I could talk about this forever, but I'm going to try to give you comprehensive answers without boring you (or scaring you!), so please forgive me if this gets a little dense.
But before all that, I wanna say that the thing that helped me the most when I began writing was telling myself that the only goal I had was to write a story, start to finish. It didn't have to be long - it just had to have a beginning, middle, and end, and make sense; everything else I could work on later. So, if you're looking for a place to start and a mindset to start with, I think that's a good one.
How do you write characters, do you plan before hand or do you jot down scenes as they come?
I do both. There are some thoughts/scenes/themes/dialogue that come to me suddenly, and I keep notes in my phone to look at and expand on later.
For the most part, though, I'm dependent on a very thorough outline and much as I used to hate it, I've found the process really grounds me, and makes me feel 100% committed to my current work. A big part of my outlines look like this:
I've found, especially when starting a new project, that it takes time to get to know your characters, and a table like this helps me keep the very basics of who they are all in one place. Over time, some of their traits change naturally and the things I originally planned don't always seem characteristic of them anymore, so there have been moments when I've had to let go of some ideas of them I had planned.
Still, I use the table to ask myself, "Are their traits still consistent? Is there anything on here that's contradictory in their original motives?" and usually that helps with longer fics because, even as your characters grow and make decisions and work on their flaws, you still have an idea of who they were and whether you're straying too far from who they are.
⭐ If this feels overwhelming, you can start small, by just listing out all things you already know about your characters like what they do for a living, whether they like what they do, if they live alone or with friends, etc. Even seemingly simple things like that will likely clue you in on big pieces of who your characters are. (More under the cut!)
Is there a structure you follow or do you go with the flow?
I'm clearly biased, but I looooove me some structure (see above 😂) and the basic format of how I structure a scene is based on what I want that scene to achieve. For me, it's really important that each scene in my fic is purposeful -- it needs to drive the story forward.
So, for each scene I write, I start by asking What is the goal of this scene? and the answers can be super simple like 'introduce character and friends', or more complex like 'build hate: show opposite perspectives with regards to writing', but I've found this helps me keep myself on track and that it's a particularly good way to help relationships between characters deepen, which I find really important in writing romance.
And do you prefer describing the situation over conversation between characters?
Personally, I adore dialogue because I feel like it's an excellent way to show not tell, but this is different for everyone. Some fics are made better by extravagant settings and descriptions, some are made better by snappy dialogue and banter.
My advice is: look at your top 3 favorite fics and ask yourself what it is that you liked about them, what about the writing called to you, what makes them your favorite?
When you have those answers, try to mimic it in your own writing, and see what feels comfortable, what reads well. I think it's really important to write what you would read, and I find that this is a good place to start. 🙂
Final thoughts: I really hope I didn't overwhelm you, but if I did, please come back and I can try and break down my advice into something less comprehensive.
Other than that, have faith in yourself. You're already a writer (and I'll bet, from the tone of your ask, that you're a good one) so writing a long(er) piece just means writing a little more in the beginning, and a little more in the middle, and the little more at the end. 😉
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