Little Pistol - Daisy

Chapter 1

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I'm trying to keep this in line with her canon personality to an extent here. Determined, focused, conniving and scheming. A little obsessive. But also needs to give herself a little pep talk to go through with things. Let me know how I'm doing?

Btw, title is by Brand New.

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~---~

Convincing a miniaturized pocket god that your intentions are sound came surprisingly easy to her.

That could be in part due to all the prior planning. Considering every possible argument the goddess could come up with and creating contingencies to match. Really though, taking out Tikki's own advice and laying it out as a perfect reasoning quieted her down quite nicely. Not that Tikki agreed with her, but the logic was too sound to push back on and the little bug never expected Marinette to come up with such thoughts without getting emotional. It just wasn't the way the girl was as far as Tikki was concerned. So it could only be taken at face value without the usual accusations of her being overdramatic.

It was an early Saturday when she voiced her thoughts.

"Hey Tikki?"

"Yes, Marinette?" the red bug looked up from her perch.

"Our biggest priority is to stop akumas and find Hawkmoth, correct?"

"Of course. You know that," she dismissed.

"So is it reasonable to say that Chat has been a hinderance to our duty?"

"How do you mean?"

"He distracts me or sits out on important battles. Threatens to quit if details that don't pertain to our purpose are withheld. He refuses to remain professional in the face of an attack."

"Well yes, he has been rather unhelpful lately, but then again, you are teenagers. It's to be expected, I suppose. Though I do wish he'd be a bit more focused," she easily agreed.

Marinette bit back a victorious smile and kept her expression closed off but for the determined, calculating expression she saved for important moments. Like now.

"In that case, it would be a good idea to make him focus any way I can. To make it easier. To hurry along the hunt for Hawkmoth."

Tikki's expression became weary as she stared at her welder, taken off guard by the open statement, "I don't know, Marinette...What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing yet, but I think I'm going to start brainstorming some ideas. Maybe do a little research. Something needs to change though," she emphasized, staring down her kwami with a hopeful, prodding look until she hesitantly nodded her agreement.

With the god's blessing, she turned to her tablet, pulling up everything she could on different heroes and their methods. Down the rabbit hole she fell.

… 

Some thirteen hours had passed and she felt the strain of her eyes and the bright burn to her retinas for the effort of her work. She refused to believe that no inspiration would come from this effort, though she'd moved on from conventional heroes and into a more sketchy territory by now, having been let down by the uptight views of others who'd obviously never been harassed or neglected by their partner and therefore wouldn't understand her need for a more, let's say, gray solution.

She'd seen the ideals of Superman and the Lanterns and the generalized view of both the Teen Titans and Justice League alike. Many worked with partners, many had betrayals or interpersonal problems. The solution they always took was for one or both parties to leave the team and travel to opposite sides of their country. Or world. Or separate worlds. Either way, avoidance was key. That didn't really work for her though. She had to stay in close contact with her partner while not truly working together. Remain civil within the same city limits. Fight side by side even. And it's not like she could just leave her responsibility here or allow Chat to go unchecked with a miraculous on his own. 

Then she stumbled upon Batman's history. The infamous bat had many a partner or sidekick with their own rough history and seemed to be operating with them regularly still. His solution to a lost or dead partner seemed to be a steady stream of replacements. Unfortunately, unlike a vigilante suit, a miraculous has to resonate with the wearer and no one she knew and trusted would fit the black cat. So she was stuck with the one.

Still though, Batman apparently had a falling out with his first Robin who became Nightwing. Those two were seen together regularly now so something must have happened to fix their issues. Gods, she was so lucky the internet seemed to stalk these people hardcore enough to have so much information on them so readily available. However, looking deeper, the resulting theories and knowledge did not bode well for her. It seems Nightwing had been in much the same state as her and with zero apologies from the Bat, had forgiven the man and resumed operations as usual. Well she was done with forgiving and forgetting. She wanted a real solution, not just rolling over and letting Chat do as he pleased! 

Alright, so Batman was the Chat Noir to the Robin's Ladybug. Maybe the others fared better?

Nope, second one died.

Current one seems to be a literal feral child out to bleed Gotham dry. Not sure how that helped, though maybe she could go just psycho enough to force Chat to be the responsible one? No, he'd just try and quit again.

Huh.

There was a third and fourth one apparently? Between the murder baby and the dead one. What happened to them?

The fourth was a blonde girl with a short stint. Seems she just moved departments since many speculated she might be a batgirl or working with a few others in the city. Not much more.

But what about the other one?

The third Robin, who worked with the Teen Titans for a stint. Who worked many years under the Bat, who gave away the title to the blonde only to return after and disappear once more with the coming of the blood toddler. What happened? Where'd he go?

…

Thousands had apparently asked the same question themselves. All signs seemed to point towards a betrayal. Something went wrong. The first resigned, the second died, the third just seemed to drop off the face of the planet. Did Batman kick him out? Replace him? For child's play, sword addition? She couldn't be sure, but it seemed the most likely guess. Much more believable than alien kidnapping or a quest for a dead man or his predecessor coming to life to end him.

But what after that? 

Surely, Marinette could've stopped there. Obviously, this wasn't the same as her situation, but she couldn't help but be so very intrigued. She watched videos of the boy in his Robin suit (much more practical than the first two if you asked her, though still slightly shameful) fighting and flying across rooftops and working with his team. He was so. So. Efficient. So clean. Ruthless when he decided to be. Calculated. Everything she ever wanted to be. 

He was amazing.

And then he disappeared.

Where did he go, that perfect Robin. How could anyone ever think the position needed an upgrade when the perfect bird was already there? It made no sense. And then she found him. Hunting through the rogues and heroes and inbetweens of Gotham, hidden in his own layerings of cover stories and identities. Her new aspiration of what a hero should be, mixed into the Anti-heroes of the city.

The vigilante of the more morally ambiguous variety, manipulating the world to the way he saw fit, using whatever method he wished. And the way he seemed to bend the city to his whim, well it matched quite well with how she wished her own city would be. She found her solution. Now it was showtime.

…

"Are you ready to apologize, m'lady?" Chat dropped down at her side, the akuma of the week tied up below them. It was a relatively easy battle, with no need for special abilities for once.

"Whatever for, Chatton?" Marinette asked, already tensing at the response she knew she'd receive. She hated when he tried to coerce her into apologizing for things that aren't her fault.

"For your neglect of your kitten, obviously."

"I don't have a kitten," she stated plainly.

"What? You wound me, to disown me so abruptly," he put a clawed hand to his chest, offense and hurt in spades marking his features.

"I can't disown what I never adopted," she went along with the analogy so he wouldn't complain about her ruining his fun again. The last thing she needed was his whining.

He perked up with this, "Well we can draw up some adoption papers right now if you wish? I'd love to be yours," he smarmed, leaning into her space further. 

This was it. Time to turn the tables. To make this work in her favor. She just needed to play it right, the way her Robin did. By manipulating the enemy into doing her bidding. She could do this.

"That's just it, though. I don't believe you would," she frowned, letting her eyes soften the way she'd seen Lila do so often. Might as well learn something from the girl.

"What? I would," he insisted, eyebrows furrowing.

"See you say that, but where's the proof? You've done nothing but pester and punish me over these weeks. You say you love me, but then watch me get hurt by akumas and make me fight all alone and threaten to leave me. That's not the actions of a loving partner. It feels like you hate me."

That had him panicking.

"No no, I don't hate you, you're my sun and my moon. My everything. Surely you know your worth in my life. I only did those things to show you how much you hurt me." He attempted to reason with her.

"See, but I've never intentionally hurt you. And always apologized to you when I realized I had. Whereas you just admitted to causing me distress as a form of punishment. It seems to me that I'm far more attached to you than you are to me and I'm just not willing to hurt myself by getting involved with someone who so obviously dislikes me."

"I- no- that's not- I love you! I didn't mean to do that, I shouldn't have. Please believe me? I love you, Ladybug," he begged, ears dropping and body tensed in fear.

"I'm sorry, but until I see some proof, I can't do that," she shook her head before taking off home without a backward glance, leaving the cat to his misery.

…

That night, Tikki went straight to bed and refused to speak to her for the next two days.

hi hello i just started following you can you give me the quick and dirty rundown of your oc's??? pleeeeeaaaase

Oh wow... oh boy... well, first of all welcome <3

Second of all, I am 87% sure you are gonna regret this ask^^’

Quick and dirty you say. I will simply follow my edits tag backwards and see what I’ll find tracing back my hyperfixations ;)

Lyra Stark (Game of Thrones - Robert’s Rebellion Era)

Lyanna’s older sister. Love interest is Arthur Dayne. They pretend Jon is theirs after the rebellion, to keep him save from Robert. It’s all the classic fake marriage, co-parenting tropes we love about rom coms, but it’s GoT so it’s also mildly depressing x’D Also, this was 100% @perfectlystiles fault, because unfortunately she appears to know my trigger words ^^’

Moira Finnigan (Harry Potter - Marauders Era / Golden Era)

One true love of one Sirius Black. Her story is simultaneously told in two timelines - one telling the story of her Hogwarts years, the war and how she and Sirius found each other. The other one picks up during POA, when Sirius escapes from Azkaban and then spans the second war.

Nora Black Finnigan (Harry Potter - Golden Era)

Daughter of Moira and Sirius, is in the same year as Ginny, but forms a close relationship with the Weasley twins - especially George. Even though her story naturally spans the second war, it’s a lot about healing - first it’s about overcoming the pain of believing your father is a mass murderer and the wizarding world’s Most HatedTM and then later about living with the trauma of having fought in and survived a war.

Jay Vendar (Star Wars)

Star Wars - kinda inbetweeny RotJ and Mandalorian. All Jay Vendar wants is to live the quiet life on Takodana and keep his little sister Ria as far away from thetug-of-war between the Empire and the New Republic. But his plans go up in smoke when Ria and their friends not only buy an old Imperial freighter from Maz Kanata, but also agree to help a Togruta named Ahsoka Tano save a group of very special children from the clutches of the crumbling Empire.

Lady Leila (Narnia)

Leila grows up at the Telmarine court with Caspian. When his uncle’s looks and advances get too close for comfort, she assigns Caspian’s help to make a match for herself that will take her away from his uncle’s leering eyes and wandering hands. It’s not long until Caspian realises that there probably is a reason that he can’t even stand the thought of her marrying another man, but just as the two of them start to question the nature of their feelings for each other, Caspian mysteriously disappears on the same night Prunaprismia gives birth to Miraz’s son…

Dr. Ellie Taylor (Primeval)

When Dr. Eleanor Taylor lands her dream job at the top secret Anomaly Research Center, she thinks she’s as prepared as humanely possible when you share your workplace with a bunch of dinosaurs… and a mammoth. But she isn’t prepared for time travelling murderers, the impending end of the world - or for the feelings she catches for the ARC’s stoic Head of Security.

Nyka’a Sundar & Jaren Korr (Star Wars)

“Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.” Nyka’a Sundar and Jaren Korr have recited these lines every day of their lifes growing up in the Jedi Temple of Coruscant, but when the young Jedi’s deep bond of friendship blossoms into something more - something beautiful and dangerous and forbidden - they have to decide if living their lives by this ancient code can ever be enough for them again. ( aka. my Star Wars universe romance novel ^^’)

Mila Lebedev (MCU)

When a young Mila defected from Russia and The Red Room following the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. she never expected that nine years later she’d find herself working, fighting and living with the newly crowned Captain America and a weary hundred year old ex-assassin. (my soft girl I love her so much)

Cassia (Star Wars - Sequel Era)

When Poe Dameron finds himself on the remote planet of Lok - injured, hunted by the first order and without back up - he is saved by a street thief named Cassia. Realising the young woman could be a dead ringer for the missing crown princess of the Aquilean System, Poe hatches a desperate escape plan. With unforeseen consequences for him… and Cassia.

Tarlesyn Sand (Game of Thrones post!S8)

(no gif, just manips^^’) When a series of unfortunate events leave Tarlesyn Sand, the only bastard son of Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand, as acting ambassador to the newly independant Kingdom of The North, the young man is less than thrilled. A son of sand and heat is not cut out for the bitter cold of winter and there are hundreds of places in the now Six Kingdoms that he would rather be exploring. But when he arrives at Winterfell and meets the beautiful young Queen, Tarlesyn finds that there might be something about the North that he could love…

Detective Catherine Williams (Titans Prequel)

Most days he was her best friend. He was the most important person in her life always. And some days… Some days she was almost in love with him. Some days she thought it was enough for her. But laying on the ground with both her hands pressing down on a gunshot wound and looking up at her partner’s masked face she realized just how wrong she’d been. It turned out Cat Williams didn’t know Dick Grayson at all…  

I went “And that should be it” at least three times and then found more I AM SO SORRY T_T I stuck to my fandom OCs too and spared you the army of my original rejects^^’ Thank you for following and for asking and if you really read all this <3

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13 I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7 I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self-control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE… So I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I’m QUIET if I don’t know you so I MUST be emo or anti-social. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the time I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around. I CURSE A LOT so I MUST be a bad kid and have problems I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS!! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parentshe loves another male. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it Sorry for the long post. I just think this is important. I got this from Ivory’Lee Lambskank on m.fanfiction.net

“Kemper explains why he murdered coeds”

(November 1, 1973)

Six coeds murdered by Edmund Kemper died because, "I wanted the girls for myself, like possessions, they were going to be mine," he testified at his murder trial this morning. Under examination by his defense lawyer Jim Jackson, continued from yesterday's session, Kemper revealed his "private world" dealing with the killings. He related the killing of the coeds to a fantasy he had had in childhood when he admittedly killed his pet cat because its affections had been transferred to his two sisters and "I wanted to make it mine." Kemper said he buried the cat alive in the back yard and later dug it up, fondled it and talked to it after it was dead. This morning he described his frustrations in attempting to establish a relationship with girls his own age after his release from Atascadero State Hospital where he had been confined for five years for the murder of his grandparents when he was 15. He said he couldn't communicate with people his own age. "When I got out on the street it was like being on a strange planet. People my own age were not talking the same language." He said he began picking up hitchhikers of both sexes just to "trying to communicate with them... just trying to make friends." Then, later, he started relying on his fantasies "more than reality." It was apparently at this point that the killings began. He was asked by Jackson to tell the jurors what he had in mind when each of six coeds died. "What were you thinking? Death?" Jackson asked. "No," Kemper replied, "Death never entered as a factor." Kemper said, "Alive, they were distant, not sharing with me. I was trying, to establish a relationship and there was no relationship there..." "When they were being killed there wasn't anything going on in my mind except that they were going to be mine ... That was the only way they could be mine." "Like the cat?" asked Jackson. "Like the cat," Kemper replied. Jackson asked him what the "real reason" was that Kemper disposed of the girls' bodies in the manner he did cutting them up and keeping parts of the bodies for a time. Kemper hesitantly replied, "Because they were rotting and I was losing them." He explained, "when the girls died I kept them a certain length of time, but couldn't keep them any longer," However, he declared, "I still have their spirits." Kemper said he also visited the grave of one of the coeds, Mary Ann Pesce, because he wanted to be near her and talk to her. "I loved her and I wanted her," he said. In the death of another girl, Cynthia Schall, he said he buried her head in the backyard of his mother's apartment house facing the window of the bedroom where he was staying and "talked to it (the head) many times, saying affectionate things." He said of the killings "I didn't want to hurt anybody... the deaths didn't exist to me. It wasn't as in dying. It was a transition to me." "I wanted the girls to be mine.” Kemper denied that he had planned his operation carefully so he wouldn't be caught by the police. He said he "just didn't want to be stopped by anybody who'd take my girls away from me." However, he admitted that while he was fleeing across the country after killing his mother and her best friend, he' felt "so horrified about what had happened," that he "wanted to be punished in the worst possible way." Kemper said that by fleeing, he was "basically running from the whole world. My fantasies were gone and I had no place to hide." He said that after his arrest he felt "convinced I should be shackled and hung upside down from the bars and beaten," and that he should be "tortured for what I did." Shortly before the noon recess District Attorney Peter Chang began his cross-examination. Yesterday's afternoon's session in the Edmund Kemper murder trial started in a near riot as load voiced and shoving teenage girls and middle-aged women, struggled to secure seats in the courtroom, and it ended abruptly when the defendant broke into tears on the stand. Kemper testified for two and a half hours yesterday, probing into the events of his childhood which may have led him to the murders of his grandparents, the horrors of confinement in Atascadero state hospital for the criminally insane and his ultimate murders of eight other persons. Kemper broke down shortly before 4 p.m. as he was being questioned by his attorney Jim Jackson about his suicide attempt Sunday morning in his San Mateo County jail cell. Kemper's cell is under constant surveillance by jailers by the means of a television camera. But Kemper told how he avoid signaling his suicidal actions by simply turning his back to the camera and slashing his wrist with the flattened and sharpened casing of a ballpoint pen. He said he had cut an artery, which was spurting blood, and a vein, which also was bleeding. Jackson interrupted him to ask why had he not, if he wanted to die, stuck himself in the throat. Kemper looked up blandly at the question and replied quietly, "I would have died too fast that way." He explained that he could have cut an artery in his throat but that he wanted to think about things as he bled. "What were you thinking about, Ed?" asked Jackson. Kemper looked down at his hands and began to reply slowly, "I was thinking about the girls who died...their fathers..." At this point, his voice broke and tears came to his eyes, which he brushed away. (Two fathers of his coed victims testified in court during the first week of the trial and Kemper had been unable or unwilling to look at them while they were on the stand.) Momentarily, Kemper recovered his composure, and Said, "Sorry," and then continued "...their mothers, and I thought about what I did..." At this point the young giant buried his face in his hands, apparently unable to continue. Judge Harry F. Brauer immediately adjourned the court for the day, and Kemper jumped up from the witness chair and hastily tussled for the back door of the courtroom, catching sheriff's deputies across the room momentarily off guard. Bailiff Don Chapman was the first to reach Kemper, and he patted him consolingly on the back as he led him into the jury room adjacent to the courtroom, where Kemper remained until Jackson went in to see him before he was taken back to San Mateo County Jail. Earlier, following the mob scene at the courtroom door, Judge Brauer, coldly angry, admonished the spectators. "There will be strict decorum, not only in the courtroom but outside," the judge said. "Anybody who pushes or yells will be excluded. This is not a circus," he snapped. The courtroom has been crowded each day of the trial, with a number of persons turned away for lack of seating. Present daily have been students from local high schools who, with their teachers, have sat through the grim recitations of murder, violence and sex. The testimony by Kemper yesterday was no exception from the preceding grim testimony. With questioning from Jackson, he recalled his childhood fantasies which started out innocently and wistfully, later to become daydreams of murder and sex. He said his first fantasy was that his "mother and father would be loving together and caring for their children." According to Kemper, it was a fantasy that never came true, he said. Instead, there was "much violence, hatred, yelling and screaming" between his father and mother who separated and were divorced when he was around seven years old. Kemper said he felt rejected and unloved by his mother and his father as well, though he indicated he yearned for a good relationship with his father. He spoke of his mother as "alcoholic," and said she once had beaten him with a heavy belt and buckle when he was a small child and told him not to scream, "because the neighbors will think I'm beating you." This was at the age of nine, and Kemper said after that he was afraid of her and began to have a recurring fantasy about sneaking up on her and hitting her in the head with a hammer. Later, in Atascadero, his fantasies turned to sex as well as murder. He said his final fantasy was, "I killed someone, cut them up and ate them... and I kept the head on a shelf and talked to it...I said the same things I would have said had she been alive, in love with me, had she been caring of me." Asked by Jackson if he ever told anyone at Atascadero about the fantasies, Kemper replied, "No, I would never got out if I had told psychiatrists I was having fantasies of sex with dead bodies and in some cases eating them I would never have gotten out ever." He paused and then said, "Wow! That's like condemning yourself to life imprisonment, and I don't know many people who do 'that" The young defendant, who worked for psychologists testing other inmates at Atascadero, said, "I hid it from them. They can't see the things going on in my mind. All I had to do to conceal it from them was not talk about it."

Ah, the 90s- a decade of questionable fashion choices, dial-up internet, and shape-shift-enabled teens with depression.

Some of you may remember Animorphs as those wacky adventures with kids who could change into animals. Others might remember it as the series of books featuring kids who watched an alien be cannibalized in front of them, going on to fight a cult, attempt suicide, commit genocide, and attain PTSD.

In all truth, my memories of it were completely vague, with what images I could remember mostly based off of one of the extended universe novels, Andalite Chronicles. Having completed a reread of the series a few months ago, however, I was able to put together my own thoughts.

So, which was it; Tragedy or Comedy? Why do people remember it differently? Let's answer the former question first. Spoiler warning, by the way.

Animorphs was co-written by K.A. Applegate, and her husband, Michael Grant- both of which are still successful writers. The story starts in the spring of 1997, local teens, Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Marco, and Tobias, exist as a clique in a way- each representing the awkwardness of the 90s in different ways. Jockey Jake has an awful haircut, Gymnast Rachel, initially, is the living embodiment of gender roles enforced in the 90s, Horse Girl Cassie experiences discrimination multiple times throughout the series due to her skin color, Marco is the groups token funny guy who has too much flirting energy, and Tobias, the local victim of literally the entire series. Seriously, this kid does NOT get a break. The entire group is just overtly 90s and it's honestly quite awkward and sometimes humorous how enforced these roles are from the start. Anyways.

The group of friends are heading home from the mall, and decide to take the shortcut through a construction zone- (and yes, I realize how many stories begin with taking sketchy shortcuts.)

As they proceed through the construction zone, a ship descends on them, its doors opening to reveal a dying Andalite named Elfangor. What's an Andalite? Breaking it down to the essentials, a four eyes, blue furred deer with a scorpion tale and a nose that should probably be censored.

Elfangor, who speaks telepathically, tells the kids about the battle for earth- an invasive species known as the Yeerks have already integrated themselves into society, and pose a threat to the entire galaxy. Yeerks are basically slugs that slither into your ear and take over your body- while you remain 100% aware, most likely crying in a corner.

While the kids are skeptical, they don't fight him on it, and agree to help. Elfangor gives them a cube called the Escafil Device- a cube that grants those who possess it the ability to shape-shift into any animal they touch. He warns them, though, that staying in morph for more than two hours will result in being trapped in that body forever. After all six are holding the cube together, more ships arrive.

The kids go to hide as one of the descending ships opens, revealing another Andalite- this one, however, is being controlled by a yeerk named Visser Three- the only yeerk to have ever possessed an Andalite. He proceeds to morph into a creature from another world, and vores Elfangor.

The kids are heard crying by one of the alien guards, and a chase begins- though the kids manage to escape without being seen. They go on to have nightmares about what they just saw. Jake is woken up by Tobias the next day, who claims he managed to turn into his cat. Jake, hearing this, touches his own dog, acquires his DNA, and morphs into him- much to his own surprise.

Later, the group meets up at Cassie's barn, which also acts as a rehabilitation center for animals, thanks to Cassie's parents being vets for a local wildlife amusement park. They discuss what to do, and while trying to forget everything was an option, decide to fight back against the Yeerks. Now knowing the basis of the plot, you can see how this story could be seen as a lighthearted adventure full of shenanigans- but as the books continued to come out, the story grew darker.

Jake's brother, Tom, is revealed to be a high status controller- a person under control of a yeerk. Jake now has a personal stake in this battle, and begins to take it more seriously. Jake goes on to find out that The Sharing, an after-school program dedicated to helping kids fighting loneliness and depression, is actual a cover for the Yeerks, who use the society as a cult that recruits said kids into their ranks- which is how Tom fell into their hands.

Jake and the others decide to infiltrate a yeerk pool- a place where Yeerks go to feed on Kadrona Rays, which is what the sun on their home planet exerted. They find an entrance within their school, and break a handful of people out, only for all but one to be recaptured, or murdered. In addition to this failure, the kids notice that Tobias is also missing.

Tobias would later escape only to inform the group that he had been in hawk morph for a bit too long, and was now stuck in that form forever. All of this happens in the first book alone. Perhaps you're starting to see how it could be interpreted as a darker story, but you're not quite convinced. So, let's talk about what happens it the other sixty four books.

In book three, Tobias attempts suicide, trying to slam himself hard enough into glass that it would kill him. Marco, however, throws a baseball just in time for him to fly safely through the glass.

In book four, Marco discovers that his mother, previously thought to have drowned years ago, is Visser One, the highest commanding yeerk outside the council.

In book five, Elfangors younger brother, Aximili, is discovered, weak, leagues under the ocean, having crashed there the same night Elfangor died.

Still expecting this story to be happy in the end? Gonna kill that delusion right now.

Thanks to having dead parents, Tobias had been physically and emotionally abused by his aunt and uncle for years, the two trading him off to one another throughout the year. However, Tobias discovers his birth mother to still be alive, living with blindness and amnesia. His birth father, however, was Elfangor, making him Ax's nephew.

Closer to the end of the series, the group recruits disabled kids into their ranks, promising them that their wounds and illnesses would heal after their first morph- which, for some, was true. Others would still have to deal with with their disabilities- but not for long, as all seventeen disabled kids were slaughtered, as part of a distraction plan.

In the climax of the last book, Rachel murders Tom, only for her to be killed herself moments after, while Jake commits genocide by releasing a large majority of the earth populace of Yeerks into space, killing them instantly.

The result? The war ends! Yay! Happy ending! Not quite! Jake suffers from PTSD, going on to experience flashbacks in the last half of the book. Tobias escapes life as much as he can, retreating to a natural reserve to live out the last of his days. Rachel, well, Rachel dead. Cassie and Marco live... surprisingly decent lives, both going off to do things close to what they wanted to do. Cassie works in a newly established division of the government that helps relocate aliens, while Marco is essentially a movie star.

So yeah, Animorphs definitely wasn't as lighthearted and happy-go-lucky as some may remember- of course, the story did have huge moments were it screamed "WE'RE KIDS, WE ARE GOOFY 90s KIDDOS," such as the book about Oatmeal being used as a weapon, or that time they convinced Visser Three that the only way to remove the smell of skunk was by bathing in grape juice instead of tomato juice.

To remember the series as either one or the other, however, completely defeats the purpose of the books.

Animorphs, in the end, was a story about kids who were forced to grow up faster than they should have, due to the mistakes of those older than them. Kids who wanted to go skating or eat at McDonald's, but instead had to take a weekend to recover from being entrapped and physically tortured. Kids who thought they knew what right and wrong were, but ended up doing everything they said they never would do, just to win. It's a story about kids- what they should be, against what conflict makes them become.

It's also about how adults like to control kids, even if they think they're free. Elfangor started this by giving them the responsibility of ending a war. It continued with the Elimist, a godlike being who would come in throughout the story to make sure the kids did exactly what they were supposed to do, instead of doing what they wanted to do. Visser One, the yeerk who discovered Earth, gave the responsibility of invading it to Visser Three, instead of handling herself due to personal engagements that happened.

What begins as another nineties adventure of five kids of varying backgrounds, ends as a reminder of what happens when adults put too much pressure on children, and the consequences of forced growth. The kids, once gathering at malls to hang, or attending school, become so separated from their reality that escaping humanism seemed like the happiest possible path (tobias), that letting yourself die was better than returning to a war-less land (rachel), making regrettable choices at such a young age resulting in PTSD, constant flashbacks to times of immense danger and death, a complete separation from the present. (jake)

Leaving children to suffer the consequences of a war not belonging to them resulted in more tragedy than necessary. Forcing kids to make grown up decisions before they've even entered high school only gives them depression, anxiety, and dissociation from reality.

Thinking younger generations can handle the repercussions of your actions, thus making it not your problem, brings the end of youth and innocence.

Millennial humor is often looked on as "dark and depressed," and those Millennials, now in the work force, are accused of bringing the end of many businesses and morals held previously by older generations.

Gen Z is viewed as completely nihilist, having even darker humor, with many having a complete separation from the reality they live in. They're viewed as lazy and brainwashed by entertainment media, when in truth, more happiness can be found in books, games, and television than in their own lives, and it is a daily experience for many of them to wake up in a world that is dull and dystopian compared to the wonders of fictional universes.

These generations are expected by previous ones to pick up what they left for them- to prepare meals with the scraps of meat so carelessly dripping out of their mouths and onto the floor. To end wars they've started. To fix the economies they themselves ruined. To be able to open the Burger King the day after a customer is murdered before them.

Responsibilities created by previous generations that are viewed too troublesome to deal with themselves are being pushed onto our generations, with the belief that our generations can take these responsibilities without so much as a grimace. However, just because one thinks others can handle issues, doesn't mean that they should have to. 

Animorphs has an ending. It is not a happy one. It is not an awful one. It is happy for the ones who did not have to endure the war others left for them. If it awful for the ones forced to handle situations pushed on them by adults who thought the problem best be left with the future.

The problem may have been fixed, but an entire generation of people were left to suffer because those in charge refused to handle it themselves, and chose instead to leave it to someone else.

Book Review #1: Aurora Rising

Aurora Rising published in April of 2019 is the first book in the Aurora Cycle series by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff is a sci-fi adventure. The second book of the series is set to be published in 2020.  Kristoff describes the book as a “Breakfast Club meets Guardians of the Galaxy YA sci-fi, action, adventure thing.”

Synopsis: The story starts with Aurora Academy Goldenboy, Tyler Jones, the day before the Draft. Since our best boy is well...best boy at this space-bound military academy, he gets first pick of his future space crew. Or he would’ve if he hadn’t gone out in space to calm his nerves and ended up rescuing a girl named Aurora who’s been cryogenically frozen for over 200 years. 

Bestboy Jones misses the Draft and ends up with whoever is left over ie. the people no one wants.  A space elf with anger management issues, a socially inept, trigger happy genius, and an alien techwiz with a physical disability who doesn’t know how to shut up--known as Kal, Zila and Finian respectively. 

Bestboy Jones also has his twin sister, Scarlet, and his best friend, Cat, who definitely doesn’t have a crush on him. (Books words, not mine, okay). Who are also especially good at their respective jobs as diplomat and pilot. 

Aurora sneaks aboard their ship during their first mission, murders and a cryptic message from the higher-ups set them up for a journey across the galaxy. The fate of Aurora and the rest of the worlds now in their quirky, all-to-capable hands. 

A lot is going on with this book and this is my first book review in this format so bear with me. 

The Pros

It’s fun. This book is really fun. Like watching Guardians of the Galaxy, you can have a good, pretty stress-free read of this book with little trouble. While reading this I found myself enjoying the adventure aspect of it, and I think they do it really well. 

Easy to follow. The book is action-packed that’s more interested in what’s happening than explaining all of the confusing lore that some sci-fi and fantasy novels can fall into. It’s not bogged down by a lot of space jargon and takes the time to explain the parts that a reader wouldn’t immediately understand. I appreciated that it kept things simple. 

Diversity*. Kristoff assured there would be diversity race-wise and in sexual orientation. Which is true. Aurora is half-Irish and half-Asian, Zila is black, and Finian has a physical disability and is either bisexual or pansexual (I’m not exactly sure. I mean, he is an alien so like I don’t know...look, all I know is I’m bi and black, I’ll take the representation where I can get it.).

The humor*. Think about it, 7 eighteen-year-olds stuck on a spaceship together. It’d be impossible for there not to be humor and banter between them. Not all the jokes land and there’s more than enough of nudging and winking in the prose, but there are definitely some chuckle-worthy moments. They also use humor really well when it comes to breaking up tense and heavy moments even if they don’t entirely land. 

The romantic subplot. I can’t say who obviously, but they’re pretty cute together. It was cliche, but, I think that by the end it was genuinely sweet and I appreciated the way they went about it by the end. It’ll definitely be expanded on in the following books and that’s what I like the most because it really is a subplot and they’re taking their time with it like a realistic crush turn relationship.

There are some things genuinely done well in this book that made me almost enjoy it, but for every action, there’s an opposite action. Starting off the Cons is my biggest issue with this book. 

The Cons 

The characters. I’m sure you could tell by my cheeky synopsis, I’m not exactly a huge fan of all the characters. In fact, I downright hated one. (Despite calling Tyler  Bestboy all the time, no, it was not him. I just wanted to clarify that).

I could honestly break down every character and talk about why I did or didn’t like them, but I think that’s getting too far into biased opinion. However, even for the ones I did like, they were still flawed...and not in the fun way. 

The characters are a huge weak point, part of that reason is that they’re all pretty flat. Flat, in this case, doesn’t exactly mean boring. A flat character is one that stays relatively the same from the beginning of the book to the end, and all seven of the protagonists are pretty flat. Even if it’s the first book of the series, knowing there’s time to develop characters, all seven protagonists shouldn’t be relatively the same by the end. 

There’s a lot of potential in most of them, but the time for their development is often rushed by and cut off by action. There are some real, genuine moments, but they mean very little in the overall scheme of things, especially when the team that’s supposed to be a group of misfits never feels like a group of misfits. 

The team is played up as a group of outcasts (or half outcasts), but they never feel like it. Both those movies the author compared the book to have a moment where they genuinely bond. There’s no point where the squad bond as a group beyond a few shared chuckles in between intense moments.

The skirmishes and arguments between them don’t really go anywhere and no one’s feelings are genuinely hurt for longer than a few pages, so when they already work pretty well together, I barely noticed any changes in their dynamic. I hope in the future books the authors expand on the group dynamic and the characters themselves because they could be really interesting, if I’m honest. 

Most of them had a glimmer of something, but a glimmer wasn’t enough to keep me from realizing they’re just semi-archetypal shells. 

This is a side note: this book switches the POV between the seven characters, and honestly, you can’t really tell much of a difference between who’s speaking. If switching POVs is not your bag, I wouldn’t recommend this book for you.

The humor. You know, it’s not so much the humor itself that’s a problem. The humor itself s pretty juvenile, but they’re 18 years old and I have a filthy, sarcastic mind so if you can stand a million sex jokes you’ll be fine. If not then you’re probably not gonna laugh much. The problem with the humor comes in the writing. There’s a lot of ‘winking and nudging’ involved. Finian (alien/techwiz/ can’t shut up), delivers a good portion of the jokes and after he says something, either he, the narrator or another character will comment on it. 

I once read when it comes to comedy, a joke isn’t funny if you have to draw attention to it. And if this is your kind of humor it is funny, but a lot of jokes aren’t allowed to stand on their own...making them, well, not funny. 

The plot and pacing. I’m not going to write a whole lot about the plot, partially to avoid spoilers. Tthe more I think about this book, the more I realize it’s a straighforward space adventure. The plot is simple because the adventure is what matters, but the fast pace of the book, while engaging, doesn’t spend a lot of time on it. One thing happens, then the next thing happens, and so on. 

At one point, I almost got the sense that quiet moments couldn’t last too long without another plot piece falling into place or something terrible would happen. The squad never flounders long despite how often they talk about how in over their head they are and how dangerous everything is. 

That might be a whole other gripe, but oh well. 

I said it was fun and it was easy to follow, but that’s probably because everything happens so quickly you aren’t allowed to think for very long. 

The pacing and plot go hand-in-hand because one bowls over the other and you get what I call the ‘you can infere events.’ 

These are events that you can infere obviously. In this case, they acquire a lot of items without actually showing how. I’m all for getting to the good stuff, but slowing down to show some things could’ve been a chance to expand on things like worldbuilding and the characters.

The worldbuilding. We’re getting into the minor stuff now if I’m being honest, but it’s a sci-fi story so I felt I couldn’t not write about the worldbuilding, which is a little lackluster. I’m pretty sure one of the planets is a Valerian rip-off. (I know that was harsh). 

Diversity. I debated talking about this too. I don’t know anything about the authors but I know readers say they’ve been inclusive in the past. I think they were here too, and maybe I’m spoiled or asking for too much, but I have to get some things off my chest.

First, Zila. 

I went back and forth on this a lot, but she kind of suffers from Princess and the Frog syndrome. Essentially, she’s a POC or LGBTQ+ character who is put into the story, but they either a.) don’t matter too much to the story or b.) are basically invisible. 

I went back and forth on this because Zila is quiet. She doesn’t speak a lot, she’s an observer. Sometimes I forgot she was in the book. I think having her be quiet and observant works in other character’s POV because no one really understands her. In her own POV it should be a different story. 

They opened that door so I have to comment on it. The chapters in her POV are significantly shorter than every other character. If her thoughts aren’t necessary to the story, why have them in there? It felt like she was there because they needed another warm body to advance the plot. I hope in book 2 she gets more than what she got. 

Second, the representation. Period. 

Tyler, Scarlet and Cat are the three members of the squad that stick together because they have a close bond. They’re not the misfits in this group. They’re also all white and presumably heterosexual as of this book. Zila, Finian and Kal are the outcasts of the group. Having the black girl, non-heterosexual alien with a physical disability, and the space elf with anger managment issues be the weirdos that the golden trio are saddled with doesn’t exactly read well on paper (pun intended). 

Third, queerbaiting? 

Don’t get your hopes up, I didn’t add the question mark because I think this might change. I added it as a Disclaimer: I’m not the authority on all things rainbow and beyond. Very few things raise my hackles when it comes to media and represenation even though there’s a lot that probably should. 

That being said, this might jimmy some people’s johns so I thought I might as well mention it.

We’ve all heard the “why don’t you two just kiss and get it over with line,” (yes, the book uses this line) and I’m kind of over it unless it actually ends in a relationship. Just a warning there kiss between two people of the same gender, and that line was directed at them but I can assure you it’s not going anywhere, it was a one off, and it wasn’t serious. After so much BS from other books, movies and TV shows, I know that’s enough to piss some people off, and if I mentioned Zila and the representation, I had to mention this.

That was weird. So much time is spent making sure you know how attractive every single main character is. Like...a lot. I was genuinely wondering if this would end with some kind of orgy thing. No matter what POV it’s in everyone was drop dead gorgeous with killer dimples and voices like melted chocolate and luxurious push-up bras. 

Consensus:  

I found this book on the 7th floor of my university library. Why they have a random YA space romp from 2019 up there, who knows? The important question is: Do I regret picking it up? 

Well…No and yes. 

Let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t shell out the $18.99 plus tax for it. (I’m a broke college student, okay? I get anxious spending $15) 

Like I said, I had fun reading this. I laughed. It had me turning pages faster than Aurora can say “Holy cake!”However, this book isn’t clever and it doesn’t have a whole lot of heart, not all books do, but to be a space adventure with misfit characters...if you want to keep people engaged, maybe it should? 

Everything is sacrificed for the execution of this quick-paced, adventurous romp. The worldbuilding and lore, the characters, the plot, everything. All of it was obliterated for something quick and momentarily entertaining. 

If a quick, substanceless adventure is what you’re looking for (and there’s nothing wrong with that, not every book has to be a nail-biting, bloodbath), you’ll definitely find it in this book.

If you’re looking for a book that’s going to affect you and make you feel like you’re part of “the squad,” you should probably look elsewhere. 

TLDR: 

Pros:

It’s fun

Easy to follow

The humor*

The diversity*

The romantic subplot

Cons: 

The characters

The plot and pacing 

The worldbuilding 

The humor* 

The diversity*

Overall rating: 5.5/10. 

Summary:

J'onn goes to DC, Kara goes to therapy, Bizarro wakes up, Susan and Leslie have a talk, Winn gets someone a gift, James gets an offer, Olivia talks to Baker, Alex and Eliza make a discovery, Lucy's life kind of sucks, Lois and Clark arrive in National City, Cat learns a new way to use the Blue Lantern ring, Kara does some redecorating, and Nia has a dream.

Notes:

This chapter is NSFW. There are sexy times, and the story definitely earns the Explicit rating here.

Also, the endgame starts with the next chapter. I am not going to lie. Things are going to get really rough, really quickly. For those of you who have stuck with it this far, thanks, and I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to all of you.

If you missed it last week, take look at my Sanvers fic, Taking In Strays.

Preview:

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

J’onn picked up his phone and answered without bothering to check the caller ID. “Director J’onzz,” he said.

“Hello, J’onn,” President Marsdin said.

“Madam President,” J’onn said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I need you to come to DC this morning,” Marsdin said.

“May I ask why?” J’onn asked.

“I want you to read the minds of several people in order to eliminate them as suspects in our security leak,” Olivia said.

“Give me fifteen minutes,” J’onn said.

“I’ll be waiting,” Olivia said.

***

“How do you feel about that?” Foster asked.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked.

“I mean, you deliberately provoked Lillian Luthor into murdering Maxwell Lord. It wasn’t accidental. It wasn’t a more severe reaction than you expected. You deliberately took an action which you knew would result in the death of a specific person, very likely in a horrific and painful manner,” Doctor Foster said. “Most people would have an emotional reaction to that, Kara. So, I’m asking how that makes you feel.”

“I don’t know,” Kara said. “I mean, I know how most people think I should feel about it. They think I should feel guilty, or conflicted, or that I should regret it.”

“But you don’t feel any of those things?” Foster asked.

“Not a one,” Kara said. “I woke up yesterday morning, saw that Max was dead. Went to work, had a good day. A little weird, but good. Went to the Genesis chamber and visited my daughter. Went home and had dinner, put my son to bed, made love to my girlfriend, and slept better than I had in weeks.

“So, no. I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel conflicted, and I sure has hell don’t regret it. Maxwell Lord was a murderer, a criminal and a coward. He was a threat to me, a threat to my family, and a threat to the lives of every single person, human and alien, on this planet or any other. And I ended him. I killed the man with an email, and I feel *good*. I feel righteous. I feel like I delivered justice for every one of those girls he mutilated or murdered.”

“I can understand that feeling,” Foster said, “but do you understand why that make me nervous?”

Keep reading on AO3

'Stupid Malfoy and his stupid single-eyebrow-raising talent'.

Harry was in front of the mirror trying to sneer and lift his right brow just like Malfoy did but wasn’t getting far at all, he only managed to lift both looking like a dazzled deer. Was it, like, a special thing you were born with?

“Whatcha doing, mate?”

Harry almost jumped to the roof like a scared cat.

“Bloody hell, Ron. I almost shat in my pants. Fucking knock, will you?” His face felt so hot you could fry an egg on it.

Read more on Ao3

"Um. Well, you know how Malfoy raises an eyebrow when he’s busy being an arse? I want to do that so, I was, you know, er… kinda practicing?”

“Are you seriously telling me you’ve been in the bathroom for nearly an hour trying to lift an eyebrow?”

“Well he's always giving me those stupid snooty looks and I just stand there looking like Grawp being nagged by Hermione so I want to give him a taste of his own medicine."

If Harry thought Ron would at least try to suppress a laugh he was absolutely wrong. The red-head collapsed to the floor laughing so hard Harry feared his friend had lost the plot.

“Oh shut up, you wanker!”

“Ohmigod, Harry just shag him already. Or let him shag you, whatever sizzles your bacon.”

"Wha- No!" Harry winced. He was having serious doubts about this friendship.

* * *

Harry was sitting on a bench in the trainees’s locker room. He spent three hours in front of the mirror yesterday and only managed to wiggle both his eyebrows, which had him in a bad mood today. That and all the sexual frustration he’d been dealing with. One would think that being The Twat Who Lived would grant him at least a weekly shag, but the few times he bumped uglies with Ginny he hadn’t been quite satisfied, there had been something missing. And he’d been put off by the girls he’d met afterwards who seemed to be looking for their five minutes of fame, like Harry was just some shiny trophy. He visualized what the plaque would say.

"We hereby present this award in recognition and appreciation for having a go at Harry Potter’s creamstick.”

Malfoy came into the room and gave him a once-over, half-sneering half-smirking.

'Ha! That’s right you bastard, I got here earlier than you.’ He thought to himself, putting on his boots and watching Malfoy’s every move four lockers away.

“I know I look absolutely smashing this morning but stop staring, Potter.”

“Fuck you, Malfoy.”

“Well, aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine today.” He turned and raised a pointy eyebrow, the stupid ferret. “What’s got your knickers in such a tight twist? Nobody asked for your autograph on the way here?”

“Do they ever shut up on your planet, Malfoy?” He said as he stood up. Encouraged by his brilliant comeback, Harry gave a brave attempt to lift an eyebrow. Malfoy gave him a look of amused confusion.

“I don’t know what to make of your brow wiggling, Potty. Are you having a serial-killer-like spasm or are you flirting?” The blond wanker said.

“Fuck you, Malfoy.” So much for good comebacks.

“I don’t know what your problem is, Scarhead, but I bet it’s difficult to pronounce.” He said smirking and he walked out of the locker room. Fucking pointy tosser, always getting under his skin. Harry slammed his locker door shut.

Harry 0 - Malfoy 1.

* * *

“What’s this I hear from Ron about you obsessing over Malfoy again?”

“I’m not obsessing, Hermione. I just want to teach him a lesson is all.”

They were waiting for their order at a Jamaican food truck two blocks away from the Ministry.

“Ron says you keep staring at Malfoy’s bum during Auror training.” She said rolling her eyes a bit.

Harry didn’t mean to at first, he was just trying to come up with new ideas to pester the git –which was completely understandable– and suddenly he found himself staring at Malfoy’s arse. But Ron was exagerating, it wasn’t like he’d spent the whole training session looking at him… did he?

"Honestly, Harry. Just ask him out already.”

“You know how the three of us have been friends for a very long time? We should stop.”

Hermione rolled her eyes again.

* * *

This was a fucking nightmare. Head Auror Robards had split them into teams of three and now Harry and Seamus were stuck with Malfoy.

“Alright, I divided each team according to what subject you need to focus on.” Robards continued. “Weasley, your team’s task is Concealment and Disguise training. Longbottom, yours will be taken out to the field for a Stealth and Tracking session. Potter, take your team and search for a vacant conference room, you’ll be studying Magical Jurisprudence, off you go.”

Harry felt like he had belly flopped from a thirty feet high trampoline.

“Well isn’t this peachy keen.” Malfoy said with a bored face. “What am I? Flypaper for freaks?”

“Why do you always have to be such a bitch, Malfoy?” Harry definitely wasn’t in the mood today. It took all his self-restraint not to punch the blond fucker.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing, Potty.” He smirked. Harry fisted his hands as his face turned red as an angered Weasley.

“Oi! We could, um, get something to eat? There’s a place that has a mean chocolate cheesecake around the corner.” Seamus had sensed the danger and interrupted just in time.

“Well now, that might be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard from you, Finnigan. Come on now, study buddies, we have the whole day ahead of us.” Malfoy walked towards the exit followed by a cringed Seamus and a sulking Harry.

Harry 0 - Malfoy 2.

He had to get him next time. Third’s the charm.

* * *

Harry left his book on the table and rubbed his tired eyes, they’d been studying for nearly four hours. Seamus was staring into his books but his eyes weren’t moving, Malfoy had given up and transfigured a couple of quills into snails and made them 'race’ across the table, watching with his chin on one hand and his blond hair falling over his forehead.

He looked good when he could manage to keep his mouth shut, and he had nice hair, it reminded him of Veelas. Harry’s mind drifted imagining how many hair products did Malfoy use to make it look so silky, the vain git. He also wondered what type of body lotion did he use, his skin always looked so smooth and soft, and did he use chapstick? His lips certainly look like he did.

Seamus loudly cleared his throat taking him out of his reverie, he was looking at Harry like he’d caught him doing something extremely embarrassing.

“I’m getting some tea or else I’ll murder someone.” Malfoy said as he stood up.

“Can you bring me a cup, please?” Harry asked.

“My my, you’re sounding polite, Potter. Did you take your meds?” And he walked out without waiting for an answer. Arsehole.

“Blimey, Malfoy’s just begging ya to shag him merciless.”

“Oh no, Seamus. Not you too.” Harry face palmed.

“Oh come off it, Harry. Everybody notices the sexual straining between the two of ya. Malfoy’s way of dealing with it is acting the maggot, yours is responding like a molested Blast-Ended Skrewt. And you bicker over the most stupid things, it was quite entertaining at first, but now’s just frustrating.”

Harry positively gaped, Seamus only smiled and returned to his book. So everyone had been watching and waiting for them to… what, give each other puppy looks in the middle of Auror training? Sneak away, like a couple of horny teenagers, to every corner they could find to kiss soft lips and touch shiny blond hair and caress smooth pale skin, press their lean bodies together, pinning one another against the wall…

Harry closed his eyes trying to erase the previous images from his mind as Malfoy re-entered the room levitating three cups. He directed one towards Seamus and another towards Harry, who looked into his cup and felt his anger emerging again.

“What right fuckery is this, Malfoy? I asked for tea, this cup is empty.”

“I seem to recall you asking for a cup, that’s what I brought you.”

“It’s fucking empty, you stupid tit.” Harry was about to lose his shit.

“I know it is, that’s.what.you.asked.for.” Malfoy gesticulated every word as if Harry was dead from the neck up.

“That’s IT!” Harry slammed his fists on the table and stood up to cross the room. “I’VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU IDIOTIC PRAT!” The ferret’s eyes widened and he stepped backwards as Harry approached until he had him against the wall.

“Oi mate, take it easy!” Seamus said standing up as well. Harry’s face was inches away from Malfoy’s.

“You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers, Scarhead.” His gray eyes showed nothing but fear at the possibility of getting his head hexed up his arse, and still he just couldn’t keep his imbecilic commentaries to himself. Harry’s blood boiled in anger, breathing like an enraged bull. He had to make him shut the fuck up.

He pulled Malfoy's hair and Seamus took his wand out, but Harry beat him to it and slammed his lips to Malfoy’s. The blond was paralyzed by surprise, only reacting when he felt Harry’s tongue swirling on the seam of his lips and kissed back granting him entrance, holding onto Harry's waist and pressing his body against him.

“Oh, well. I- uh, I’ll just…” Seamus said and they didn't even notice him leaving the conference room.

It was a battle of lip biting and tongue sucking and arse grabbing like Harry had never experienced before, and the moaning sounds Malfoy was making, dear Merlin, it should be a crime to sound so bloody sexy. They kept pulling and rubbing and kissing, leaving love bites on their necks and jaws until Harry parted the kiss to stop himself from jizzing in his pants. Malfoy groaned at the loss, their breaths agitated and hot.

"Finally. Found a way to shut you up." Harry said with a raspy voice. "Wonder how many other ways I can find."

Malfoy was flushed and couldn't utter a single word.

Ha!

Harry 1 - Malfoy 2

Batman v. Superman: World’s Finest — What I Would’ve Done

It’s safe to say whatever plan Z*ck S*yder had in mind for the DCEU isn’t going to happen. How we got to this point is really a matter of opinion, but if you ask me, it all comes down to Batman v Superman. 

I really don’t care what people have to say in defense of it because I’ve read the essays, I’ve listened to the podcasts, I’ve talked to fans — I’ve heard it all. None of that changes the fact that general audiences rejected this movie. Flatly rejected it. You can argue that this rejection was indicative of the audience being too stupid, spoiled, obstinate, brainwashed by Marvel, whatever — that doesn’t change anything.

So, how could this reaction have been avoided? I’m glad you asked, Nobody.

Before Chris Terrio was brought on board, David S. Goyer wrote a script for what seemed to be a pretty by-the-numbers World’s Finest movie — Superman and Batman teaming up and parting on good terms. 

Basically. I took that outline, cut out a lot of bits that made the film an Idiot Plot (see here: “https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/IdiotPlot/DCExtendedUniverse”), and came up with this:

[If you read to the end I try to give a fair and balanced view on the original film and I why I felt the way I did, if that’s any incentive]

-----------

The film opens with Batman chasing down the Joker, accompanied by a solemn narration from the hero. Finally catching up, Batman just starts pummeling Joker without holding anything back, and wrapping his hands around the clown’s throat. The scene ends before anything definitive happens.

The next scene starts with a little girl trapped under rubble and rebar, weeping and choking out a cry for help through the dust and darkness, but no one can hear her. Suddenly the rubble starts shifting, and she braces herself to be crushed and entombed where no one will ever find her, only for the concrete to lift away as Superman reaches for her. Haloed by a beam of light, he smiles and simply says, “it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Handing her off to the firefighters, we see that this is still in the aftermath of the Black Zero event, and Superman is using his x-ray vision and super-hearing to find any survivors in the ruins of Metropolis.

One of these survivors is a man who was horribly mangled by debris. His name is John Corben, ex-special forces turned private security officer. [I’m eliminating the Nirobe scene because it makes the plot over-complicated and is just kind of dumb: so, the CIA sends in a secret agent but can’t invest in better tracking equipment, like phones? Specially designed bullets (that can easily be traced back to the owners because they were part of a government contract) can punch through meat and bone but gets stuck in a reporter’s journal? The bodies are burned in such a way that it gets rid of bullet holes in autopsies? Superman can push a man through a wall at the speed of a bullet without the man being obliterated by the violently sudden inertia? The aerial footage from government drones weren’t consulted to prove if Superman did indeed kill those people? And when the single witness that badmouths Sups changes her heart, the senator doesn’t put her into protective custody?]

Jumping forward, we see an older Bruce Wayne attending a retirement party for Commissioner Gordon. They chat for a bit, making veiled references to Batman and the Joker "still" being in a coma. Bruce, however, is fixated on "the alien," arguing that he has trouble trusting someone so powerful who nonetheless had to resort to murder to beat his opponent. [If I’m going to be completely honest, I don’t really have a problem with how Batman was presented in the film, so that doesn’t really need to change. My main problem is his callous indifference to the wanton slaughter of the random criminals in his way: Batman is allowed to play fast and loose with his One Rule (the branding I don’t mind, for example), but his arc relies on him coming that close to becoming no different from the evil he fights, but if he kills people before that moment, then the arc is ruined. There’s a big difference between callous indifference to someone’s survival and safety, and machine-gunning an SUV full of people and bulldozing the wreckage. He’s just a deluded murderer that literally brands criminals so they can potentially get stabbed in jail (it’s a good thing they showed him branding white thugs; it would be pretty hard for people to claim he has some kind of moral high-ground if he was branding people of color).]

At the Daily Planet, Perry White addresses his writing staff - consisting of Ron Troupe (political editor), Lois Lane (field reporter), Cat Grant (fashion columnist), Steve Lombard (sports editor), trainee Jenny Jurwich, and new photographer, Jimmy Olsen (played by Jesse Eisenberg) — he’s handing out jobs, when he notices that Clark Kent isn’t here . . . until Lois reminds him that he’s busy doing a fluff-piece.

That “fluff-piece" is actually delivering giant shipping containers of food and water to an African country (ala Peace on Earth). During this, talk-show host Jack Ryder (played by Stephen Colbert), is doing a point-counterpoint with G. Gordon Godfrey (who is basically Alex Jones meets Tucker Carlson) where they argue about Superman’s agenda and his presence in the world (and maybe taking a few calls from regular people, like Bibbo Bibbowski). It’s here we are treated to a montage of the various heroic acts Superman’s performed over the past two years, and we see a 99% formed Superman: he’s saving people as often as he can and he does it with a smile (even his harshest critics don’t have much of a leg to stand on). He already resolved his issues over being a public figure in the previous movie, so continuing the arc is just redundant. As we shall see later, there is, however, one thing still holding him back.)

Weighing in on the talk-show discussion is tech entrepreneur, Lex Luthor of LuthorCorp (Elon Musk meets young Donald Trump played by, lets say, Mark Strong) who actually supports Superman. 

However, after the interview is over, Lex is confronted by his father, Lionel (played by Bryan Cranston), who viciously ridicules him for being such a “media-whore.” As the two talk, we get more information on Lex’s situation — years before the Black Zero event, Metropolis was in a state of bankruptcy; it was a slowly crumbling hellhole, no better than Gotham . . . until Lex was sent to the Metropolis branch of the company as a punishment from his father. Lex retaliated by using his business acumen to create jobs and new industries, which single handedly revived the city. So, after Zod’s failed invasion, LuthorCorp started shifting funds towards Metropolis’ reconstruction. But because Superman personally stopped the invasion and helped rebuild the city (including taking the kryptonian spaceship and hiding it on the moon [because it never made sense to me why Superman would just allow an alien ship — which, by all rights, belongs to him — to be studied by the government in the middle of a major American city. He also took Zod’s body, so no one could dissect him]), he received pretty much all the credit and became “Metropolis’ favorite (if controversial) son." So Lex hates him for stealing his thunder, even if he publicly supports him.

Meanwhile, John Corben has Wallace Keefe’s arc from the original movie and graffitis the Superman statue, because he blames him for his disfigurement.

Clark has dinner with Lois, and the topic of Superman’s reputation comes up; the general public may have largely embraced him, but he still has very loud detractors (like Godfrey), and she’s worried how this negativity is affecting him. Clark reassures her that he isn’t bothered by the controversy, because it was more-or-less his fault that Zod invaded in the first place, “I understand why they're angry with me,” he says. “But they don't who I am and their anger doesn't change my opinion about myself. I know who I am.”

Later that night, Clark has a nightmare about Zod and we now see the only thing still holding him back from being the archetypal Superman is his guilt and PTSD over having to take a life to save the day — a violent act he considers to be his greatest failure, a brutality he can’t cleanse from his mind. [I think it’s best if the “isolation arc” wasn’t included in this movie, because it was pretty much resolved by the end of MoS. We have a more pressing issue for Sups to worry about — He literally murdered someone. You can argue if he was justified or not, but that doesn’t change the fact that the only way Superman could defeat Zod was by stooping to his level and losing where it counted. And Superman knows this. That’s gotta leave some lingering trauma.] 

Corben is bailed out of jail and given a ride in a limo driven by Mercy Graves, and delivered (not to the villain we are expecting — Lex, but — ) to Lionel who tells him that he want to help Corben “stand for something."

Elsewhere, Bruce is on his “White Portuguese" hunt [which includes a Batmobile chase, but no one dies, or if they do, it’s not Batman’s fault], and he has his confrontation with Superman, but it plays out differently: rather than threatening Batman, Superman tries to appeal to his humanity, pointing out that he used to be the "caped crusader" before he became the "dark knight." Batman, however, doesn’t care what he has to say, and asks Superman if he "bleeds."

Later that night, Bruce has a dream about his last run-in with the Joker; his hands still wrapped around his neck, pressing harder and harder, while a small voice tells him, "You’re letting him win." Bruce wakes from his dream before anything more definitive happens.

The next day, Lois and Jimmy attend a charity gala hosted by the Luthors (who appear with Lionel’s assistant, Mercy Graves, and Lex’s bodyguard, Otis Graves), where they celebrate the recent joint venture between LuthorCorp and Wayne Enterprises on cybernetic prosthetics. Here we see that Lex has a brilliant way with people that his father sorely lacks, and the latter is clearly envious of.

Lex actually starts hitting on Lois until Clark appears, and we get to witness the first interaction between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent. Lois continues with her questioning, asking what compelled Luthor to pour so much funding into this program; Lex explains that many people lost limbs during Black Zero, and the program is meant to address that.  While there, Clark has a run-in with Bruce, and the interaction basically breaks down as it does in the movie.

Thoroughly rattled, Superman then flies over Metropolis to clear his head and lands on an inconsequential building, where he actually meets Bibbo Bibbobowski — a big fan of Sups. Superman expresses lingering guilt over Zod’s death leading up to a “Hitman” monologue about his inability to save everyone. [https://m.imgur.com/gallery/w7BCA] Bibbo tries to change his mind, but Superman remains conflicted on the subject.

From Batman’s hunt for the White Portuguese, Alfred learns the truth about Bruce’s plans for the Kryptonite. He gives Bruce an ultimatum: either Bruce destroys the Kryptonite, or Alfred will quit. Bruce is committed to this crusade, so Alfred leaves in disappointment. After the fight, Bruce looks longingly at a Robin suit, and we get closure on the Joker flashback — Joker beat Jason Todd to death and crippled Barbara Gordon (Death in the Family meets The Killing Joke), Batman caught him and nearly strangled him to death, only stopping when Alfred yelled at him through the radio that he was "letting [Joker] win." 

Cut to Lionel talking to Corben privately; we get a little more insight into why he is so disdainful towards his son. When Lex was born, Lionel expected nothing but perfection from him, and for the most part, Lex delivered. In his youth, Lex excelled at everything, and was constantly held up as the pinnacle of human excellence. However, everything changed the day his mother died in a car accident Lex inadvertently caused, and the stress of it made his hair fall out. From that point on, Lionel saw Lex as less than dirt and “failure.” So, Lionel has begun looking for other avenues to achieve “perfection.” With his story over, we find out that Corban is being prepped for an operation involving something called “Metal-10.”

Now completely alone, Bruce throws himself into stealing and building a battle suit using the Wayne/LuthorCorp designed cybernetic prosthetics, a sonic gun, and a single bullet made out of Kryptonite.

Now in the third act, Lois is kidnapped by Jimmy who is then revealed to be Sebastian Mallory, and has been spying on Lois and Clark this whole time and figured out the latter’s secret identity. Clark then receives a high-frequency message to meet Lionel at the top of LuthorCorp tower. 

The plot then plays out basically how it did in the real movie, with Lionel threatening to kill Lois if Clark doesn't kill Batman first, and Luthor’s high-frequency howl will keep Sups from finding her if he tries to use his super-hearing. 

Superman goes and basically begs Batman to help him, but there’s one problem; Batman’s helmet is fully covered and completely soundproof, to protect his ears from the sonic gun. [See? Superman has been trying to offer the olive branch to Bats this whole time and is constantly shot down. So when his multiple attempts at appealing to Batman’s better nature fail, that’s when Clark snaps.]

Meanwhile, Luthor is watching the whole fight through small drones. Also watching are Luthor’s goons, who are taking bets on who’ll win. Lois, seeing the fight, manages to break free and escape on her own using the skills she picked up as a military-brat. [If there’s one thing I resent most about the S*yder films, it’s how much they neutered Lois Lane. She’s the daughter of a military general for crying out loud and yet she acts so passive and demure it makes me want to spit. It’s tantamount to making Scout Finch act like Sansa Stark. It’s against everything about her character. So I decided to change that and give a variation on the “warehouse scene” to Lois.]

The fight continues until Superman manages to get Batman into a head-lock, which then triggers a flashback to Zod’s death. This moment of hesitation allows Bats to get the upper-hand, but in the struggle, Batman’s helmet is cracked open. He makes the same grand speech as he does in the film as he loads the kryptonite bullet into the gun and aims it at Superman’s heart … only for the latter to say:

“You’re … letting … him … win.” 

[The death of Batman’s parents was a seminal moment in Bruce Wayne’s life, but it would realistically be a well-healed wound at this point. However the death of Jason and the crippling of Barbara are more recent and fresh traumas that (even in the books) actually did drive him to be an even darker vigilante.]

So we get a slight variation on “why’d you say that name!” to just “why’d you say that!” Only for Lois to chime in by commandeering one of Luthor’s drones and using the built-in speaker to talk through it and explain the situation. Then Batman has his moment of horror as he realizes how close he came to becoming what he hates, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Then…

Metallo bursts in. 

Luthor’s Plan B in case something like this happened, complete with a solid kryptonite power-core and a body made of Metal-10 -- an alloy made from titanium and recovered kryptonian metal.

They fight, Superman tries to reason with Corban but he doesn’t listen, and Batman’s armor allows him to stay in the game for as long as he can (but he’ll eventually have to abandon it and rely on Alfred - whom Bruce calls - for help)

Eventually the two heroes work together and immobilize him. 

With Corban at their mercy, the heroes begin to work out a deal with him that will ensure he help them trace all of this back to Lionel … only for Corban’s robot body to self-destruct, which they both conclude was Luthor’s doing.

At dawn, Superman and Batman exchange pleasantries, and Clark offers one final olive branch -- the kryptonite bullet, which he entrusts to Bruce. This gesture rocks Batman to his core and he admits he was wrong about Superman, and that he is a “good man,” which gives Clark the reassurance he needed to move on from Zod’s death.

Cut to a few months later, and we see Lex being remote-interviewed by Jack Ryder, and we learn that during the time-skip, Lionel died of a heart attack. Lex makes some token soundbytes about his “loss,” and - in light of the scandalous rumors surrounding his father and his connection to Lois Lane (even though nothing could be conclusively proven) - has taken the opportunity to “rebrand” the company from LuthorCorp to LexCorp, as a sign of “good faith” and “change.” Ryder also makes an off-handed reference to Lex taking an interest in politics.

After the interview, Lex watches a video on his computer which shows security footage of his last conversation with his father: Lionel is unconcerned with the charges Lois is throwing at him, because he now has something that literally everybody in the world will pay through the nose to get … Superman’s genetic code. SInce Zod’s body was gone, Lionel set up the whole fight just so Superman would spill some blood, which Luthor picked up using one of his drones (he was hoping Superman would die so he could be dissected). Lionel then goes on and on about the potential applications of kryptonian genetics (including something called “Project: B2-R-0”) and how they’ll someday be able to splice them into the human genome, so that “everyone can be Superman.”

Lex chews on those words for a moment … and then offers his father a celebratory glass of brandy, which Lionel - too excited by his own prospects - readily drinks, but Lex doesn’t.

As Lionel starts coughing and keeling over, Lex apologizes and wished it “wouldn’t come to this,” but that “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.”

And the recording ends… and Lex sees Superman in the reflection on his computer monitor, floating outside his window.

Confidently, Lex delete the footage and speaks to Superman directly. Going off on this big monologue about he’s the best, he’s “figured out” Superman’s little scheme, how when the “war is over,” the people of the world will finally acknowledge that “Lex Luthor was right.”

Superman wordlessly flies down to Luthor’s level, and simply says, “I’ll pray for you, Lex. Every day.” And flies off. Lex is left with an intense anger at his enemy’s nobility, he has now fully embraced his narcissism and even if he has to prove it to the whole world, he won’t stop until everyone recognizes that he alone is the best.

The final scene is Clark traveling to the arctic, and digging up Zod’s corpse. Finally, after this whole time, Superman has the strength to face his worst mistake and put it to rest. Clark takes Zod’s body, builds him a coffin, and gives the old soldier a proper “burial at space” into the sun.

He’s come to terms with who he is and what he is, and the film closes on him orbiting Earth - using his super-senses to see and hear millions of experiences that we could only dream of (babies being born, people celebrating, animals frolicking, monks peacefully meditating, etc.) - in full grip of the Overview Effect, smiling a perfectly contented smile at this strange little blue rock that he loves, with all his heart. (kind of like here: https://comicsalliance.com/originals-garth-ennis-dialogue-hitman-303-war-comics-creator-owned)

He’s finally the super-man.

-----------

So, if you managed to make it this far, it’s worth noting that a movie like this was never in the cards.  

When Man of Steel was being made, it came off the heels of the very underwhelming Superman Returns and the epic Dark Knight Trilogy (so a more action-packed remake was a no-brainer from a marketing perspective) and the abject failure that was Green Lantern (which was supposed to be DC’s platform for a cinematic universe). So, when WB gave Z*ck S*yder the reins they weren’t interested in making a cinematic universe. It’s only natural that they’d fall back on their strong suits and try to recreate the Dark Knight Trilogy, only with Superman this time. They wanted Chris Nolan to helm it, but he never wanted to be known as the “Superhero Director,” so he hand-picked S*yder for the job (WB agreed because they trusted Nolan and they wanted that sweet, sweet, auteur creativity that worked so well before, despite the fact that the DK series was more or less a fluke). However, when MoS proved to be a moderate success (and because there’s no such thing as bad publicity) the executives got ambitious and pushed for a franchise, but Snyder was always more interested in telling his own story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end, and that just couldn’t happen in a cinematic universe designed to go on for as long as it keeps making money. So they naively tried to have their cake and eat it too. Whereas in the real world, one doesn’t try to mix chocolate-chip ice-cream, lasagna, and chimichangas into one dish, unless you’re aiming for a disappointing afternoon and a lot of wasted effort (even then, there will always be that one person who’ll love it for reasons completely unique to them).

This is all to say that I think the “Snyderverse” was more or less destined to fail, because it tried to be too many things and wasn’t any of them. 

I once read something on a Reddit post that I think is applicable to this whole situation: “Unfortunately, some writers try to shoot for crafting a Memento before they’ve mastered St. Peter and the Dragon.”

But more importantly, I’ve recently had a breakthrough in my ponderings about it that I think finally, finally, finally explains why people like me couldn’t like it …

The film wasn’t meant for people like me.

Anticlimactic, I know.

You can argue movie critic payoffs, stubborn audiences that demanded different things, the fact that the studio didn’t release the full film (I don’t think that would’ve helped), the over saturation of Marvel-style films, but in the end Z*ck Sn*der is a cult filmmaker, best suited for more low-risk niche properties. The only film he made that ever received mainstream success was 300, arguably for the wrong reasons.

The only crime you can really hold against this movie was that it failed to connect with enough people. It’s kind of sad in a way.

Without him, the DCEU seems to be moving in the direction of Adaptation Distillation, and I think that’s for the best.

with you, i aim to please

APRIL JILY CHALLENGE: @jiilys vs @petalstofish

‘we have rival camp cabins and my cabin is totally gonna kick your cabin’s ass in the talent show’

(thanks to @bantasticbeasts and @alrightpotter who suffered with me. love the #crew) 

Sirius rapped loudly on the window and then without waiting for an answer, barged into the cabin and hit Annabel Stevens in the back with the door.

“James yo- oh shit, sorry- you’re never going to fucking believe this. Evans is here.”

James, sitting on the floor and surrounded by children, said “Piss off,” then realized where he was and added, “…is not something we should be saying at camp.” He turned back to Sirius, “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Just saw her in the girls loos and she gave me the finger.”

“Why were you in the girl’s loos?” asked a child whose name James had forgotten.

“Cleaning.” both James and Sirius said at once. “She gave you the finger?” James questioned, grinning.

“And told me I was a sack of toenails.” Sirius rummaged around in his pockets and pulled out a cigarette. “It’s absolutely her.”

“You can’t smoke in here.” Annabel Stevens told him, indignantly. Sirius stuck his hand out the still open door.

Tommy Elliot, high off hearing so many swear words in succession, piped up and asked, “Whose Evans?”

“Evans! Fancy seeing you here!” James exclaimed, trying to look like he hadn’t asked thirteen people where she was.

Lily, standing in a field with gumboots on trying to show eight uninterested children what a dragonfly was, thought about throwing herself into the lake. “Well if it isn’t Satan’s moldy bread bin.” She said, and James smirked.

“Charming. Gang, meet Evans. Evans, meet my kids.”

“My condolences on your counselor.” Lily offered before turning to Sirius. “Black. Where are your kids.”

“Bathroom.”

“All eight of them?” Lily asked.

“They drink a lot of water.”

James, feeling like the interaction had veered away from him somewhat, said “me and Lily went to camp together when we were your guy’s age. We knew each other quite well.”

“Were you boyfriend and girlfriend?” Adelaide Kipling demanded immediately.  

“No, fortunately I have taste.” Lily responded.

“Not in clothes. Your shirt looks like it was pulled out of my dad’s wastepaper bin.” James said.

Lily folded her arms. “Your dad’s obviously misusing his wastepaper bin seeing as this shirt is made of fabric and not paper.”

“Don’t lecture me about recycling.”

“Somebody’s got to. The Planet is dying.”

“Your chat just keeps getting better and better Evans.”

“Rather like your chances of being strangled by a disappointed sexual partner.”

“I hate you.” James said, conversationally. “Also, your kid is about to fall in the lake.”

“What?” Lily protested, and turned just in time to see Jonathan Sykes hit the water.

“I can’t believe you’re the adult here.” Oliver Callaghan stated, rather cuttingly, and James threw a marshmallow at him.  

The story of what happened sounded very traumatic in James’ head, but as he repeated it to eight eleven year olds around a campfire, it seemed dramatically less so.

“That’s stupid.” Elisa Mortman said, flatly. Several people nodded. James was appalled.

“I think you’re missing the point” he said, “I didn’t win because of her. I was robbed.” They were all staring at him. The second-hand embarrassment was almost palpable.

“Remembering the worst thing anyone’s ever done to me-“

“Oh my god-“

“-doesn’t make me petty, it makes me wise.”

Lily sat forward in disbelief. “If the worst thing anyone’s ever done to you is pull the fire alarm while you were weirdly shuffling around on stage-“

“I was dancing” James objected.  

“You were dying.” Lily corrected, leaning back and eating a spoonful of cornflakes. “you clearly got up there and had nothing planned.” This was true, but enough years had gone by that James could pretend otherwise.

“This year I’m going to be standing by the fire alarm, making sure you don’t sabotage another child’s performance.”

“You know there’s more than one fire alarm, right?” Lily swallowed more cornflakes.

“Of course I did.” James lied, “Sirius and Remus are going to monitor the other ones.”

“What about me?” asked Peter through a mouthful of toast.

“You can’t monitor the fire alarm Pete. Someone has to watch the kids.”

Lily smirked. “Look at you, thinking of the children.”

“I’m always thinking of the children Evans.”

“Oh yeah?” Lily pointed at a kid two seats away from them, “What’s his name?”

“Steven.” James bluffed.

“Wrong.” Lily said, “it’s David.”

The child- who was called neither- got up to get more toast. Remus thumped down his coffee and said, “His name is Aaron.” It was not.

“I could push you down here.” James said casually, as both he and Lily stood at the top of the mudslide. Behind them, Oliver Callaghan was whining about how people kept cutting in line while Amad Presh put on his goggles. Their camp groups got on unfortunately well, and James believed his lot were doing it to spite him. Lily thought the same.

“Touch me and you lose a hand.” Lily threatened.

“I could still push you with only one hand.” James said, and to demonstrate, did so.

“I bet you were the kind of douchebag in high school who made people take off their shoes before they got your car.” Lily accused, standing behind James in the dinner line.

“Actually, that was me.” Sirius cut in, leaning over Lily’s shoulder. She flicked him on the nose and returned to James, who had started speaking.

“I bet you were the kind of girl who didn’t share her fries at McDonalds because you were that cheap.”

Lily, offended, said “That was way meaner than what I said.”

James shrugged. “I stand by it.”

“Git.”

Lily hid his gumboots. He put ants in her water bottle. She got her kids to soak his clothes in mud. He roped his into filling her sleeping bag with sand. He was washing off the dick she’d drawn on his face when she comes up behind him in the bathroom.

“Shame. I think it makes you look better.”

“How so?” James watched her in the mirror.

“Well anything’s an improvement on your current look, really.”

Sirius keeps telling everyone they’re in love. It’s very annoying.

“You’re destined to be together.” He said, watching James supervise archery, or rather, watching James watch his kids try to figure out a bow and arrow. “it’s fate.”

“It’s bloody not. She puts tomato sauce on lasagna and also ruined my life when I was eleven.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Your life was already ruined when you were eleven. You used to wear a matching sweater and beanie to school.”

“Shut up. That was a look.”

“Only if ‘look’ is now defined as ‘travesty’”

Remus invited her to their nightly poker games because he’s a traitor. James suggested switching location without telling her, but Remus has a private cabin because he sleepwalks so that’s the only place to go if they want to speak any louder than a whisper. James instead resolved not share any of his secret beer, but accidentally opened her one while they were arguing about who had the better childhood pet.

(She had a cat, he had a dog, Sirius claimed to have a horse but was then exposed to have a lizard, Remus spent the entire argument laughing at the fake horse name Sirius had chosen which was ‘Prancer’ and Peter had an ant farm, though nobody asked him.)

Lily was terrible at poker, and James had a habit of cheating, so both stopped playing around twelve to have conversation about beer labels, and then about condensation on beer bottles, and then they were googling why condensation didn’t affect beer labels, and Sirius had lost £30 to Remus, and Peter had finished all the crisps, and Lily was wrestling James’ phone away because he’d spelt ‘condensation’ wrong.

The most annoying bit was, he’d started to like her against his will.

“You did this. I know it was you.” James said, sulky, lying on a stretcher in the med bay.

“Oh, I got a bee to sting you now did I?” Lily laughed, sitting on the edge of his bed and eating rice crackers. He couldn’t remember the reason she came in, only that it had now been an hour, and they’d spent twenty minutes at least arguing about who made the better cheese sandwich.

“You trained it. You don’t even go to uni at all, do you? Why would anyone want a bloody art history degree. No-“ James sat up, getting into it, “You’re a bee trainer. You set that bee on me and now you’re sitting here laughing.”

“Doesn’t sound very profitable. Bee training.” Lily said, smiling.

James grinned. “It’s a growth industry.”

Once, at one of the nightly poker games, Lily mentions she missed gummy bears. James, inexplicably, ordered some, then snuck them into her cabin while she was white water rafting. He didn’t want to think about it that much.

She confronted him at breakfast. “Did you order these for me?” she asked, holding them up. Her shirt was slipping off her shoulder slightly, and James swallowed.

“God no, I don’t even like you.” He lied. She grinned and hit him with the bag.

“Why would you want an art history degree?” he asked, standing on her cabin porch. He had accidentally walked her back after dinner. He wants the record to reflect that he did not mean to.

“Because everything else is shit.”

“You’re shit.” He said, a reflex.

“Tell me Potter,” she crossed her arms over her chest, “Is it hard having the IQ of a squashed grapefruit?” He laughed.

“We have to win this talent show. It’s a matter of pride.” James said to his cabin at large.

A sleepy eleven-year-old muttered, “It’s one in the morning.” James rolled over and turned the lights on.

“Tell you what Jason that doesn’t sound like dedica-“ he started, but was then hit in the face by several pillows and stuffed snake.

“Your friendship bracelet looks like shit.” James commented to Lily across the table.

Lily, running on two hours of sleep because Stephani Harris got a vomiting bug, hissed, “My friendship bracelet is going to murder your friendship bracelet and bury it in a shallow grave.”

“Christ” James said, alarmed.

Upon hearing that she was in the med bay after a nature walk, he laughed for a solid minute before abandoning his game of Go Fish to go take the piss out of her himself.

James walked in imagining a rope burn, a scrape, a bee sting, and instead sees blood on the floor, over the stretcher, on her hands. His stomach plummeted so quickly he physically jolted, staring, his head a horrible riot.

“I fell into a rock pool.” She explained, and he could see a huge cut on her forehead, the skin peeling away on her leg, a bruise pouring over her left arm. He felt sick. “Also, a crab bit me.” She added.

He didn’t say anything, just looking at the blood and bandages and the line of freckles along her collarbone. “Your leg is going to scar.” He croaked. This is an understatement. It looked like half her skin had been ripped off.

“Yeah, I know,” she looked down, “the crab really did a number on me.” He half laughed, and she grinned at him, all teeth, that way girls did when they really meant it.

“Why an art history degree though, for real.” James asked, sitting on a large boulder. They’d ditched poker night once Sirius started using Pringles as betting chips. As Lily had explained, they were terrible players, but they still had standards.

“What’s with you and your fascination with my art history degree?” She answered, leaning on her elbows.

“I dunno’ it just…” he doesn’t know how to explain it. “When we were eleven you wanted to be a journalist.” He said, and smiled at the memory. Her, hair frizzy in the heat, standing with her hands on her hips and calling him a shitbitch for flushing all her hair ties down the toilet, saying one day she would expose him in print.  

“You wanted to be a soccer player” she said into the quiet, and he let himself look at her, stretched across the grass like a dead body. Her shirt had ridden up and in the moonlight, he could see a slice of hipbone, the edge of a jawline, her hair pouring over her shoulders like spilt water.

I want, he thought, ridiculously, like he was four years old, I want.

They were supervising their kids at the lake, which basically entailed being able to identify screams of fun from screams of drowning, and James was looking for his sunglasses when Lily threw the sunscreen at his back. “That’s going to bruise.” He complained.

“Jesus weeps.” She deadpanned, and damn her, she was wearing his fucking sunglasses. “Black,” Lily turned to Sirius, who was lying on a towel with a hat over his face, “Where are your kids?”

“Went home.” He said.

“Camp doesn’t end for another month.”

“They all got sick.” Sirius said, in a tone that indicated they had not.

“Yeah, of having you as a counsellor.” Remus cut in, and Lily laughed. Sirius gave them both the finger without taking the hat off his face.

They were playing poker again in Remus’ cabin, drinking and swearing and watching Peter bluff terribly, when it started pissing down with rain. “You can’t go out in that.” Remus said simply, and threw about eight blankets at them, all of which Sirius promptly stole.

James woke up with a start to the lightning, the window alight, and realized Lily’s hand was on his collarbone. Her fingers were stretched over his throat, face impossibly close, and he could see every freckle on her nose. The still-healing cut on her forehead. Each of her eyelashes.

He couldn’t breathe for a minute. He wanted, in this order, to wake her up, kiss her, bet her ten dollars that he could beat her in a running race and then kiss her again.

“You know I’m still wondering when the talent show is.” James wondered aloud to the not-listening Remus while standing in the lunch line.

“Oh, they don’t do that anymore.” Some kid said in front of him. James blanched.

“What?”

“Yeah, some girl pulled the fire alarm during some guy’s performance and it cost the camp a fortune to get the firetrucks out here so they stopped it. Also, the prizes sucked.”

James couldn’t believe it. As in he literally didn’t believe it. “Who are you?” he accused.

The kid turned to him. “I’m in Sirius’ cabin. We’ve meet about thirty times. You called me Steven at breakfast once.”

James burst open the door of the boiler room, saw Lily standing alone by the clothes line, and stormed over, shouting “They don’t even do the talent show anymore!”

“Oh.” Is all she said, like this wasn’t important, and continued to hang her shorts.

“What do you mean ‘oh’. This is huge news.”

Lily gave him a look. “Tell me you didn’t come all the way out here to tell me that.”

James, who had done exactly that, said “No,” and then: “You don’t care about this.”

“Correct.”

James stared at her, now pegging down a t-shirt, and said “I have no earthly idea why I like you so much” before he could think about it. She froze. He remembered, too late, that when he said things aloud other people could hear him.

“Come again?” she choked, still not looking at him.

“I said I hate you.” James amended, desperately. He wanted to be eaten by a black hole or maybe a rabid dog.

“No, you didn’t,” she said, looking at him now, “You said you liked me.”

“What? No I didn’t. Why would I say a stupid thing like that?” James babbled, flushing.

She was walking towards him, all slowly, and he couldn’t feel his hands, “I’m not sure.” She said, “Maybe because you do.”

“I don’t like you.” He reinforced, a lie so unbeliebably false even a rabid dog wouldn’t have believed it.   

“Really?” she stopped walking, “because I like you madly.”

His heart jumped so hard in his chest that he was sure he’d broken a rib. “Ah.” He said.

“Yeah.” She responded. He could not stop looking at her. Thank God you are you and not somebody else he thought, and then said:

“Bit of a shame I don’t like you then.”

“Ugh” She dropped her head, laughing, “You’re such a fucking asswipe-” and then she was kissing him, and it could not have mattered less that he never got to beat her in the fucking talent show. How ridiculous it seemed, really, to think anything was ever important than this.  

Hannah Watches LOSH - Child’s Play

Okay, so before I get into the review, let me clarify something on episode order for the next for episodes. The production order was “Child’s Play”, “Lightning Storm”, “Brain Drain” and “The Substitutes”. But the order in which the episodes were released/aired is “Brain Drain”, “Lightning Storm”, “The Substitutes”, and then “Child’s Play”.

I will review these in the production order once again. Now as for why the episode produced first was aired last of the four mixed up episodes, maybe it fell behind schedule and they pushed the others ahead or got in trouble with censors. But some of that seems dubious because of a reference made to it in another episode.

With that in mind, let’s proceed to the review.

Child’s Play

This episode has one of the best openings. Superman and Brainy together at a coffee shop. While Superman comments how he can’t get over 31st century tech, Brainy is getting coffee. Seems a bit like a date. Reason #1 why censors would have refused letting the episode air, maybe? Wait. That must mean that the story boards were gayer for this part...

IF NO ONE HEARS FROM ME AGAIN ASSUME I HAVE DIED ON A SEARCH FOR THE LOSH STORYBOARDS.

However, the muffins that are baking come to life and cause Brainy to drop his coffee. Staff at the coffee shop must have cried at the loss of merchandise.

Going outside, the two see that a building has come to life. When Brainy says it’s a kind of illusion, it starts to rain cats and dogs, literally, making Superman say it feels real.

Brainy says whoever is causing the weirdness, it must be a being with a lot of power. And then we see who it is.

A kid.

When seeing the kid, Brainy says he finds it very unlikely he’s the cause of the “anomalies”.

As a train is about to run into him, the kid zaps it, and it grows wings and flies away.

DENIAL

Watching Superman freeze the wings on the train (he doesn’t let it fall, don’t worry), the kid asks what kind of magic it is.

Aww poor nerd.

Superman comes over and asks the kid who they are. Revealing themselves as Zyx, Superman asks them if they can change everything back, showing several other buildings have been changed.

Zyx does so after saying “I guess.”

I love the “I dunno” sound. Every time.

While Zyx is busy using magic to make little figures appear – including Empress’s eyeball, a green lantern, Doctor Fate’s helmet – Superman and Brainy discuss taking him to the HQ. Brainy does not like the idea, saying it’s bad, but Superman says it will keep him out of trouble.

Going to HQ, we see the three Triplicate Girls playing chess against themselves. First time since… the first episode. Concerning.

Zyx appears and then uses magic on the game.

Rude, Zyx.

And then the pieces start to attack the girls.

When Saturn Girl and Superman enter the room, Zyx proceeds to run. When Saturn Girl tells him to hold still so that she can run a mind probe to find out where he’s from, he says it’s nothing but rules, and he’s having more fun where he is now. Clearly not making things easy.

After making her earrings to big/heavy for her to fly, Superman tries to catch him. And he does this.

JUST DROP HIM IN FRONT OF B5’S ROOM AND HE MIGHT BELIEVE IN MAGIC.

Brainy and Phantom Girl are then seen discussing Zyx’s powers. Brainy says the source is inconclusive, despite running an analysis. When Phantom Girl suggests its magic, he makes this face.

Oh Brainy.

Phantom Girl then says her mom once told her about a sorcerer’s world. So does this mean her mom is sharing sensitive info, or that B5 just excluded places that claim to use magic in his analysis?

OMG HIS FACE AT THE END

He then says it wouldn’t hurt to double check, and tells her to call her mom.

Sounds a little upset there.

At least we finally see Phantom Girl’s room. And it sounds like Mom has dealt with messes Phantom Girl has been involved in. Privileged but misunderstood act again?

Saying that if Zyx is from Zarok and that they would be in serious trouble, Winema tells Phantom Girl that the people there are backwards and dangerous when she asks if they can just call them up to pick Zyx up. She then further adds Zarok severed ties with the UP centuries ago, AND unless Zyx decides to move on, they are stuck with him.

After she leaves her room, we see that Comet and Cupid have escaped captivity at the zoo. Lightning Lad says it looks like the cages malfunctioned, and Phantom Girl comments it took a week for SP to catch them.

The SP is not good at their job.

Judging by how he goes “Yee-Haw!” when going to catch them, I’m Bouncing Boy watches western movies though.

When Zyx tries to join them to catch Comet and Cupid as well, Lightning Lad tells him to stay out of trouble.

Wonder how that’s going to work out.

When Superman, Saturn Girl and Bouncing Boy catches one of them – I’m sorry but I haven’t seen any obvious distinction between the two pets – he calls Brainy up to ask if the barrier at the zoo was fixed.

But Brainy says they were perfectly fine.

He’s taking up the older brother position~

But rather doing as he’s told, Zyx starts goofing around, in a Superman-like outfit, with a Z instead of an S.

Oof. The pets beating him up is apparently becoming routine.

When it seems like the pet is going to charge at him straight on, Saturn Girl makes it sleep.

It also makes the cutest snoring sound

While Superman tries to calmly talk to him about what he just did, Lightning Lad snaps, saying someone could have gotten hurt. Phantom Girl tries to calm him down, but he says if Zyx can’t follow rules, he should go home. A little overboard with how angry he got. Then again he was almost eaten.

Zyx is not happy with that, and proceeds to turn Lightning Lad into a rat. And then he turns into a cat. And eats him.

But thankfully, Lightning Lad gets out of Zyx mouth with his lightning powers. But Zyx chases after him, trying to zap him with magic again.

Bouncing Boy gets into the middle of it, telling them to break it up. But Zyx then does this.

Superman tells him to change them back, but Zyx refuses.

Queen of faces.

Brainy tries to capture Zyx, but his arms are turned into snakes, which Superman pins down for a while, telling him this isn't what superheroes do.

I love the way he says that. Plus, considering villain songs tend to be the best songs, he’s got a point.

We finally see Superman learn one of his weaknesses. His vulnerability to magic.

Seeing this, Phantom Girl decides to go to Zarok to find help, and Saturn Girl makes a diversion to give her time to get away.

Poor Superman.

... Here are the screenshots of his face when spooked.

Saturn Girl makes an illusion of her to distract Zyx, but he makes a telescope to see through it, and then sets a bunch of flying alarm clocks on her. I would have straight up murdered him for that.

But he then sees Phantom Girl escaping to the cruiser which Triplicate Girl brought, tries to stop her, but fails as the cruiser goes into a wormhole. Then throws a tantrum she got away.

Of course, nothing is that easy.

Claiming he was getting bored of the Legion, Zyx then looks at the rest of New Metropolis. Oh geez.

Returning to Phantom Girl and Triplicate Girls (the ship is full of her now), we see that Winema comes on the line to talk with her daughter. There is no sign of Zarok though.

But we do get a bit of a bonding moment with Winema and Phantom girl though. Apparently Winema’s first mission in Open Service was to reconnect with Zarok, around the same age Phantom Girl was, and says she failed.

Just when she says diplomacy won’t work with Zarok, a British/Scottish officer of Zarok arrives. When Phantom Girl says she’s on an urgent mission, he tells her she’ll have to go to the high council. And when she complains she can’t find the planet, he reveals it to her.

Back at Earth. Zyx has made himself a giant and is stomping around the whole place.

But the magic he casted on most of the Legion is wearing off.

Brainy is a precious nerd.

MY POOR SON

Bouncing Boy states his concern on what a whole planet of magical beings will do to Phantom Girl.

Which we then see is paper work. And sending her to a long line for appeals.

And then she is sent to Customs. Where she fights a bunbun.

What a tough bunbun.

While she gets approval, PG is still sent to the appeal line.

Luckily though, someone from the Council gives her the OK to let them hear her.

Back at earth again, we see Superman manages to knock over Zyx, but then Zyx hits him with magic.

OH ****

Superman is saved from being squashed by Saturn Girl, who then tries to talk Zyx into stopping, but he refuses. Little brat.

Aww poor nerd.

However, Bouncing Boy puts himself between B5 and Zyx said that his victory wasn’t much because he messed with their powers.

After Zyx tells them he can bet them full strength any day, Superman tells him to prove it.

Agreeing to it, Zyx chucks him to a baseball stadium, gives his Superpowers back and turns into a drake that breaths fire.

Rescuing you and science.

Or buying time, likes Saturn Girl says.

Phantom Girl meanwhile gets the Council to agree on going to retrieve Zyx. But the bylaws determine her presence as a hostile act. And that the UP and Zarok are at war now. Wow. That place needs to brush up on the laws.

We take a quick break from Zarok to check back on Earth, where Superman freezes Zyx for a moment, then gets caught by him in starfish form (I know im wrong on what Zyx is suppose to be but gimme some slack), then uses heat vison on him.

After Zyx changes forms several times, he decides to make a statue come to life with Superman’s powers.

Getting back to the Council on Zarok, PG tries to talk to them to stop the attack. The main guy seems to be sympathetic, but they are bound.

Oh Tinya.

But then we hear from one of the council members that the rules can neither be altered or amended. Oh. That explains a lot.

And back at Earth, again, we see while he’s sitting back, Zyx is starting to break a bit of a sweat. When Saturn Girl does a mind probe, she finds that Zyx’s powers are being put in a big strain. Which B5 says that if they all attack at once, they could push him over.

After that, Brainy starts up the Stadiums operating system, turning the lights on to max. And the microphone/speakers, which Bouncy takes advantage of.

Returning to Zarok, the Council tells PG that they will get Zyx back after the war. With that info, she uses her position as a representative of the UP to surrender, which has the Council head call off the attack.

You had to do it gurl.

Switching back to Earth, Zyx is unable to focus as the Legion keeps wearing him down. Finally reaching is limit, he turns into a bomb and goes off. And passes out.

When Superman is questioning how to clean up the mess Zyx was responsible for, the Council’s head arrives and does it for them.

Poor trash baby.

Council Head apologizes to Winema and the Legion for Zyx, and praises Phantom Girl to her mom. And states it is time for Zarok to open up with the United Planets. Winema seems stunned, but manages to compose herself.

Oh… don’t tell me they were… BRAIN DONT GO THERE

We know where Phantom Girl got her facial expressions now at least.

So final thoughts on the episode overall and characters

While this episode has its moments, I feel it is one of the weak ones of the whole show.

Still no clear answers why it came out as the last episode of the four that got mixed up.

I just don’t enjoy it overall as much as other episodes. Mostly because there isn’t much character development.

Zarok overall was interesting to look at. Despite how messed up it was with laws. And the people in the Council had cool designs as well. Now concerning the head guy - I liked how he was held up by his cape rather than standing up, but I’m pretty sure part of his outfit is Egyptian-inspired. 

Now I’m not of Egyptian descent, so I don’t have any right to say what is appropriating the culture and what isn’t, but the outfit is slightly concerning, given the guy seems to be white.

Nice recall on Comet and Cupid, as short as it was.

Zyx as a villain… is not very strong, in comparison to other villains in the show. He’s mostly a brat. A psychopathic brat. Who at this point, shouldn’t have magic. But he’s so energetic, which can be fun to watch.

And he gets the grumpiest Brainy reactions out to date.

Speaking of our little green nerd, we see that he is very dubious about magic and only admits Zyx’s powers are magic to get Zyx to stop rampaging. Aww. But we also see him getting coffee, so that means Coluans can consume food to some extent in this universe.

Bouncing Boy is so good to see. He was willing to put himself between Brainy who had just humiliated himself by admitting Zyx’s powers are magic and the kid who splattered him on the wall. He will protect his friends from all harm. I would give my life for him.

We also finally see Triplicate Girl again. After 6 episodes – which causes a bit of alarm. In terms of her role in this episode, it’s very minimal. Adding this to reasons why this episode is one of the weaker ones.

Lightning Lad can’t catch a break. He nearly gets eaten by one of the pets, and then gets turned into a rat, nearly eaten alive by Zyx, caught in Bouncing Boy splatter, and stays under Zyx’s spell the longest. If anything, he was in a form that portrays him accurately. Now regarding his outburst, it was a bit of a overreaction and wasn’t going to work with Zyx. But given what we learn later on, I think I have a general idea what was going through his head. Will discuss in next review so I don’t spoil anything.

With Saturn Girl, we get another hint on her limits to her powers. In the second episode, she needed Timber Wolf to be calm, and in this episode she needed Zyx to stay still. So it’s easier for her to use her powers on people when they are relaxed. Does that go for really personal stuff or just the basics?

Because in the second episode, she used it to figure out what happened to Timber Wolf, and was going to use it to figure out where Zyx was from. Now Timber Wolf was obviously more difficult given how traumatic it was, but who knows.

I’m not sure if this is what Superman needed after Drax. On one hand, Zyx doesn’t have the same creep factor Drax does – thank god. But he learned one thing about his abilities, and that the invulnerability does not extend to magic. And he learned it the hard way.

So… he got one answer at least.

But let’s discuss the part when he loses his powers.

In episode one, he is doing everything he can to hide them from everyone, despite using them for good. And then he comes to the 31st century, where he doesn’t have to hide them. And then he loses them. He probably would have more conflicted feelings about no longer having his powers in the beginning of episode one. But now, he’s comfortable with them. He’s managing to adjust to them, and knows they are important. So he’s more horrified now.

But even when he doesn’t have powers, he still challenges Zyx. This boy has gotten a much-needed confidence boost from Episode 1. I’m so proud of him.

And then we get Phantom Girl and her Mom.

We see Phantom Girl can act diplomatically, even with an insane society like Zarok, which probably helps in missions a lot. I think it also showed when she tries to get Lightning Lad to calm down (before he turned into a rat). Because I don’t think yelling at Zyx was going to help, and she knew that.

But she is not the best at keeping her cool. But it’s completely understandable, given she was sent to the appeal line at her freak out moment, after surviving a fight with a bunbun.

Plus we also see she’s good at last minute thinking. Her ideas may not always be the best, but they work.

Now with Winema, we see her in a different position from Champions. Rather than trying to set her up with guys, she is trying to give her daughter guidance on sensitive issues like the UP’s relation with Zarok. And scolding her at some points in the episode.

Regarding the fact that she never told PG about her attempt to open communication up with Zarok, I think she wants to be someone for her daughter to look up at. Which probably implies not mentioning her failures when she was younger.

Plus, we never get one mention of a dad in the picture. So i think it’s possible Winema is a single mom. Go Winema.

And at the end, we see that she has the same facial expression as her daughter. What a good touch of detail.

Welp, that’s all I have for this episode. Don’t worry, next episode will have more.

So. Much. More.

you knew this was going to happen. ship meme. lizzie and hector. ♡¯\_(ツ)_/¯

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs | They will end me.How long will they last? -  They’re compatible enough to be long term as long as a certain someone doesn’t fuck it up Hector.How quickly did/will they fall in love? -  Since this is the opposite from Hector’s end:  He just turned around and got smacked in the face with it one day.  Oh, there was a lead up but he soldiered on, sure it wasn’t what he thought it was until no, it really is the thing he thought it wasn’t.How was their first kiss? -  Impulsive, because he knew it was a thing that shouldn’t happen.  So awkward because of that.  But here they are.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Hector.  After several not so subtle hints.  Probably just dropped it into casual conversation, too, like, “Hey, we’re out of coffee, and by the way, I was thinking, and if you’re serious about the whole getting married thing, let’s go ahead and do it.”  Not the most flowery romantic thing, really, but genuine.Who is the best man/men? - Jack, who is probably the most smug bastard on the fact of the planet.  With lots of, “Well, it was nice knowing you, mate”s and “Good luck on that boring domesticity”s.  Jack, it should be noted, has a black eye at the wedding.Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Anamaria.Who did the most planning? -  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not gonna touch any of it, lbr here.  He knows better.  Because he knows she’s playing that this or that game on purpose and he’s not going to take the bait.  The entire thing is really for her, so if she wants eggshell over white or lace over embroidery, he’s not going to pick either one, because whatever he picks will be wrong.Who stressed the most? -  Honestly, on the one hand, Elizabeth.  On the other, Hector, because he definitely has a moment of no really, what the fuck are you doing considering their lifestyles, his age, etc.  He gets over it, though.How fancy was the ceremony? - Small.  Very small.  Think the most private wedding you’ve been to and make it smaller.  Only the most trusted people in their little circle and there aren’t very many of those at all.Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? -  Just about everyone they know?  Because lbr they know some very Not Good People.  Again, super small wedding (and also less people to see Hector make an ass of himself, lbr here).  Hector is, at heart, a paranoid bastard and while, hey, he knows he lucked out in every department because pretty he’s never been, he’s also not exactly eager to make her a target, or himself a target against her.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Usually Hector but lbr.  Even if it’s Lizzie he’ll still try to be more dominate.  He gonna do as he do.Who is the one to instigate things? -  Even split now, Hector at the first.  Like, look, friendo, have you seen Elizabeth?  There’s nothing wrong with his eyesight or anything else, thanks.How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right nowHow kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s headHow long do they normally last? -  Like we’re not talking marathons here, friend, because that’s completely unrealistic but he’s got a little staying power, jfc, give a man some credit.Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Like, look, okay, he tries.  But he’s an assassin, Jim, not a miracle worker.  I’d say it pretty much probably evens out.How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.Children:

How many children will they have naturally? -  On purpose?  None.  I feel like…A modern Hector at that point?  Probably snipped.How many children will they adopt? - 0.Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -  Hector.  Because any kids they have will 100% be an accident (because really, he doesn’t at all want any and so they’d also be Against All Odds).  But he would, hypothetically, and after an awkward stage, take to being a parent well (without his canon background in the way). Who is the stricter parent? -  Elizabeth.Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - E L I Z A B E T HWho remembers to pack the lunch(es)? -  Definitely Elizabeth.Who is the more loved parent? -  I will debate this and say it’s an even split if anything. Especially when said hypothetical kid was little.Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?  Elizabeth.  Hector’s not allowed there anymore.  Marcy didn’t appreciate his blunt commentary.Who cried the most at graduation? - Elizabeth.  Hector doesn’t do that crying thing.Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -  Hector.  Because as scary as he is, Elizabeth’s scarier.Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither one of them, to be honest.  They’re just not really very good at it.  But if an Attempt Is Made, nine times out of ten it’s Elizabeth that makes it.Who is the most picky in their food choice? -  Hector only because he mostly refuses to change his dietary habits at all.  He’s such a baby about it he had to be plied with gummy multivitamins.Who does the grocery shopping? -  “””Grocery shopping.”””  Hector will only do it if forced or dragged along.How often do they bake desserts? -  Hector?  Not at all.  His idea of baking desserts is…Okay, so.  He’s so terrible at it?  Those pizzas you bake that come with the cookies, too?  He’ll just shove those back in the freezer, because he cannot bake at all.Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -  Elizabeth can keep shoving rabbit food at him all she wants, he’s gonna do as he do.  He’ll do it in front of her to prove a point, because he’s not a cow and he doesn’t want to eat grass.Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -  Hector.  Like, look, okay, he can be a real asshole, and he has trouble trusting and all of that happy shit.  But at the end of the day he’s a giant sap who just can’t help himself.Who is more likely to suggest going out? -  It’s true.  Hector is very lazy and will suggest this thing over attempting to cook.  Especially between the pair of them they can make things that are edible but not…Very…Good.Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? -  Elizabeth.  Hector is currently 547 days kitchen accident free.Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Probably Elizabeth (because lbr canon Hector’s not what you’d call neat or organized either).  Hector’s the type to drop wet towels in the bathroom floor when he’s done with them (he’s, sadly, also the type to just walk through naked after the fact and not really care - he’s at home, don’t look if you have a problem with it).Who is really against chores? -  Hector.Who cleans up after the pets? -  Hector, because that’s the one thing he won’t bitch too hard about.Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? -  Hector.  Can’t find the dust pan?  Fuck it, no one will know.Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? -  Neither?  Like, if anyone does actually come over it’s probably like Jack, and pfft.  Yeah, it’s just Jack.Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? -  Elizabeth.  And it’s probably Hector’s dollar, too.  That change in the cushions she finds, too?  Yeah, probably all his.Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? -   Elizabeth.  He has no idea what she’s really doing in there but when she finally emerges it’s like a flower shop threw up and there’s glitter everywhere.Who takes the dog out for a walk? -  Cats.  (Hector would totally want a dog, though.)How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? -  Hardly???  Ever???  Decorations are invitations to be bothered, in Hector’s opinion.  What are their goals for the relationship? -  His?  To not murder Elizabeth.  To not get caught murdering someone for Elizabeth.  And to not get murdered.  In that order.Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -  Both?  Probably?  Hector was once upon a time an early riser but then he met his lazy sod of a girl and now he sleeps in entirely too late thanks to her and simply the way The Job works.Who plays the most pranks? -  Hector.  More verbal ones than anything, but it’s how he’s going to get murdered by Elizabeth.

Ring Around A Rosie, Satanic Circle Homies Ch. 2 (A Haunted House/Pidgance Fanfic)

I LOVE YOU GUYS! *uncontrollable sobbing and screaming*

Oh, and sorry this is taking so long. I wanted to finish this chapter last Sunday but I had a contest and Prom the day before. So my ass was whooped the whole Sunday; all I did was watch Toradora (I am the definittion of procrastination). Anyway, I tried my best with the second chapter and I hope you like it!

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Soundtrack

Until Dawn OST - Welcome to the Annual Blackwood Winter Getaway         

Until Dawn OST - What Could Possibly Go Wrong         

Until Dawn OST - You Go, Girl         

Until Dawn OST - Don't Leave Me Hanging         

Until Dawn OST - Icicle Elegy         

[Electro Pop] Runaway Zoo - Just To Be Somebody         

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Camera 1: "Hey, Pidge? Has anyone ever told you your hair kind of resembles cat ears?"

Camera 2: "Huh?"

Camera 1: "Watch where you're swinging the camera! I'm just saying that from the back, your hair makes it look as if you have cat ears."

Coran turned to face the screen. "You know, Lance is partly right. It does seem you have the ears of a feline. And matching her personality in a way."

Camera 2: "Uh, how the hell do I act like a cat?"

Camera 1: "Well, let's see. Your hair is really fluffy like a kitty's', you can sleep just about anywhere in the castle, you get pissed when I touch your stuff, and let's not forget your big attitude!"

Camera 2: "...My hair is fluffy?" It was hard to tell from the dark interiors of the stairway but her cheeks turned pink. She hoped it was dark enough for Lance to not notice. Speaking of the darkness, she found it hard trying watch where she was going. She didn't want to get her foot stuck in any of the weak floorboards.

Lance turned his video-drone to his face. He asked, "Hold up! Coran, you said I was 'partly right' about something?" "Oh, yes! I forgot to mention that, although I agree with your 'cat ears' idea, I can't say they would be cat ears. They seem too big!", replied Coran.

Camera 1: "No way! I'm totally right! Shiro, you agree with me, right?"

Shiro shook his head, saying, "Sorry, Lance. To me I have to say bat ears." Allura leaned over his shoulder. "Bat ears?" He nodded. "Yeah! Bats are pretty smart, they're prefer staying up all night, and most of them are so tiny!" This earned a big laugh from the whole team and being Pidge's turn to pull on her "Really?" face.

She rolled her eyes before she thought she saw something move.

"I thought you said you hated haunted houses? You don’t seem to be scared at all.", asked Lance. She didn't answer. Her eyes were locked on at the top of the stairway. It was so dark. Pidge yanked out her flashlight. This frantic movement pumped Lance's heart into overdrive. "D-Did you see something?"

No answer. Keith asked what was happening but no one answered. Pidge motioned her hand to come closer to her. Slowly. 'Shit! What's happening?! What did she see?!', thought a shivering Lance. He moved closer and closer to Pidge.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Hunk jumped from his seat, yelling, "Lance? Lance?! What happened? Pidge? Somebody please answer!" The team stared anxiously at the large screen before them. Then they heard muffled laughter.

Lance leaned on his knees, breathing in and out. He could barely hold himself upright as Pidge loomed over him, trying to control her laughter. She sighed, "Hey, Shiro? You forgot to mention that bats can be pretty scary sometimes!" She held the flashlight up to her face and smiled one of her creepiest smiles towards the camera. Everyone else face-palmed. Of course. They should have suspected that ONE of them would pull off a stunt like this.

She then flashed her creepy face to Lance. But he was gone. 'Maybe using that scare tactic was a bit much. Did he run ahead? If he did, where do I-"

“Peek-a-boo.”, Lance whispered in her ear as he covered his hands over her eyes. 

Okay, maybe they should have guessed the BOTH of them would try to scare each other.

But damn, that girl could leap! If he hadn't moved back the second she jumped, he would have earned a head-butt to the chin! He laughed with a puffed up chest as the winner of this scare fest. "Payback's a bitch, huh, Pidge?"

Pidge clutched her chest. "Lance, how dare you?! I almost had a heart attack!" Lance chuckled, "Come on, I thought that was the point of this whole thing!" She raised her eyebrow. "Pfft! You didn’t scare me! I was just acting for dramatic effect! You guys agree with me right?”

No one agreed. “Nope. Sorry, Pidge. It didn’t look like an act to me.” She let out a little groan before she signaled her video-drone to take off ahead of her. She crossed her arms, saying, “Alright. I admit I was spooked. But now we’re getting off topic! Allura, can you tell us what you know about the shelter? We can act like paranormal investigators!”

Allura smiled. Paranormal investigators? She had very vague memories from her early childhood about being one herself. When she played with the other Altean children her age, she always loved being the one peeping around a so-called-haunted log or a scary neighbor’s backyard. But she also loved playing as the scary monster just as much. ‘Maybe I should have gone with them. It looks so much fun! Lucky.’, she thought.

“When you walked through the main entrance, did either of you noticed the walls inside look different from the ones outside? That’s because the shelter was made to protect the refugees from any animals who tried to sneak in. And if any attackers attempted to break into the shelter, they would waste time trying to take down the first layer of walls while the refugees went underground.

“The refugees were usually people from other planets who were caught in the early years of Zarkon’s rebellion. They would be sent to any of Altea’s shelters placed around the universe to wait out the war. One small group of refugees were amateur scientists who were studying how to create certain medicines and virtual environments for those who suffered traumatic events.”

Keith asked, “Let me guess: One of the scientists went insane with their work and started experimenting on the team and the other refugees?” Behind him Coran popped up to answer his question. “You’re almost right! But no one knows if it was only one person or the whole team who went mad! Though it is a sad story to hear.”

Shivers raced up Lance’s spine and Pidge could feel the hairs on her neck stand on end. What happened to the team and the refugees was unclear. No one knew what happened to them. There were rumors to what could have happened next; one rumor stated that the team began fighting against each other about their different theories and viewpoints and created an all-out experiment war with the refugees; another said that only one was responsible for an experiment gone wrong. The last one was unsettling: Two of the scientists were trying to concoct a new drug that would wipe all diseases imaginable. But because they didn’t have any viruses to work with, they made their own; unleashing a terrible plague on the scientists and the refugees, turning them all into merciless cannibals. 

The last rumor could have been an exaggeration. After all, the shelter didn’t look as if it suffered through a war of cannibalistic aliens. No walls were ripped apart, the windows weren’t cracked, and, if you didn’t count the years and years of dust, everything looked positively clean. But if this was a shelter that, in theory, suffered hundreds of murders, where was the evidence?

Pidge held her chin in her hand, thinking. “Hmm, maybe if we head down to the basement we can find some clues.” Lance frantically shook his head, “Hell, no! Pidge, if we had to check anything for evidence first, it would have to be up here! Besides, we don’t even know where to find the door!” 

Pidge raised her hands in defense. “Okay! Okay! I guess you have a point. We don’t know where to start looking. Maybe if we start looking in the rooms on the first floor, we’ll find a room one of the scientists slept in. Maybe they kept a log book or something.” Lance smiled. “Now you’re talking! Let’s go!”

They began walking up the stairs to the first floor.

Back in the castle’s living room, Hunk removed his headset and stretched his arms. “Man, I sure hope they know what they’re doing. If you ask me, exploring a shelter with that many rumors would be a giant No-No for me! Honestly, why the heck would someone suggest that?”, said Hunk.

“I’m actually kind of jealous of them. I’d like to explore someplace haunted.”, Keith sighed. Shiro gave Keith a surprised look. “Really? Never took you as the paranormal type of guy.” Keith shrugged and grinned, “Hm, if I’m bored. Usually I like to read about whether or not Mothman is real.”

Allura couldn’t help but ask what a Mothman was and Keith gladly told her all he knew about the legend of Mothman and other theories, driving Shiro, Hunk, and Coran to sleep. 

--------------

Camera 2: “.....Wow. The rooms look pretty much the same as the ones you would see in mansions. Just more bland.” 

She was right. When they opened the first room, it looked a normal bedroom. A bed in one corner, a closet on another corner, a dresser here, and another dresser there. The only difference was the size of everything, especially the room. It was a whole lot bigger compared to most rooms on Earth, almost like a rich person’s bedroom. Even the closet and dressers were big. Apart from the bland gray walls, it looked normal.

Camera 1: “I guess no one was allowed to do some interior decorating.” 

Pidge sighed and put down her backpack. “Let’s see. Here, Lance, put this on.” She handed him a surgical mask. Lance put it on, saying, “Good thinking, Pidge. We don’t want to be inhaling any dust or mold here. Achoo!”

She nodded. “Better safe than sorry! Now let’s look for a log book or anything that belonged to the scientists!”

They checked the dressers for any sort of clue; nothing. They checked the closet; nothing. They even checked under the bed; nothing. Room after room they found nothing. The only thing they found was a bunch of dust bunnies clinging to their clothes. 

After a while, they weren’t scared anymore. The were bored out of their minds.

Finally after checking the last room on the second floor, they set their packs down and sat against the wall in the hallway. Lance hastily removed his mask and wiped the sweat from around his jaw. He said to Pidge, “Dammit, this is turning into a real buzzkill! We haven’t found any clues leading up to what happened to the scientists and nothing about this place seems scary anymore! We must have walked into the wrong place.”

Pidge shook her head, saying, “No. Allura said this was it. She even showed me a picture comparing the difference between this place and the other shelters. So far this is the biggest shelter on Planet Arus.” She took off her mask and wiped her face from the dust and sweat. “Besides, we haven’t checked the third floor yet. I did some research on the shelter and I found an article talking about the third floor. It took some time to translate it but, apparently, that’s where the scientists used one of the bedrooms for storing their belongings and maybe their logbooks.”

“Are you kidding me?”, whined Lance. “Are you saying that we have been wasting our time looking through the last two floors with nothing in them when we could have just gone straight to the most important floor?!” He didn’t want to believe that he had just dragged his ass over two floors filled with only moldy carpets and no important evidence. Pidge shrugged and said, “Better safe than sorry. Anyway, if I told you about the third floor, you would have suggested just that.”

Lance groaned. He clapped his hands to signal his video-drone to ‘Land’. He checked if the lenses weren’t too covered in dust. They seemed fine so he clapped his hands again to signal ‘Lift Off’. Lance leaned against the wall with his arms up behind his head. 

He couldn’t help but watch Pidge through the corner of his eye. She was taking longer to check her video-drone, opening the top for any dust in the drone’s tiny engines, and talking to Hunk through the the drone’s small microphone. Lance grinned. Pidge always had a certain look for every emotion she had; happy, sad, angry, nervousness, curious, cocky, sassy, did smug count? She had a face for every little thing she felt. 

‘Is Concentration an emotion or an action?’, Lance thought. No, maybe the right word was Focused. Whatever word it was, whatever emotion or action it was, Pidge had a face for it. Her eyes always had a special look Lance had never seen in anyone else but he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was strange, intriguing, and lovely to see. Whatever it was he thought of it as ‘nice’. ‘Well she does have nice brown eyes. Or are they light-brown? Hard to to tell in the dark.’, thought Lance.

Pidge suddenly felt something warm on the side of her face. She turned her head to find another heart attack on her shoulder, a.k.a Lance watching her work over her shoulder. Lance leaned back just in time again before she tried to whack him. “Lance! Don’t do that!”, she exclaimed. 

“S-Sorry!”, he stammered. Hunk’s voice spoke through the drone, asking what was going on. Pidge replied, “N-Nothing, Hunk! Just Lance bein’ nosy, that’s all.” 

Lance crossed his arms. “I said I was sorry! And I’m pretty sure the mice are nosier than me.” He heard Allura speak through the drone. “Speaking of which, where are the mice? They are usually with me most of the time.”

Small squeaking came from inside Pidge’s pack. She opened the flap to reveal two mice, Platt and Chuchule, tangled in her equipment. Well, mainly Platt; he was stuck underneath her bayard. Lance checked his pack to also find the last two, Chulatt and Plachu, chewing on one of his crackers. 

“Uh, Allura? Found ‘em.”, answered Pidge. “Wait, they’re with you?”, Allura asked with disbelief. Plachu and Chulatt raced up Lance’s sleeve. “I guess they were curious to what all the commotion was about. See? They are nosy!”

A frustrated Allura growled. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?! I should’ve sneaked away when I had the chance earlier!’

Lance stood up to stretch his legs. “You said the third floor is the most important floor, right? Come on, maybe we can still catch a good fright.”, he said. Pidge nodded. 

“Hold on, you two.”, Shiro interrupted. “Our map of the shelter shows a black gap where that stairway you mentioned is. Maybe you turn around and look for another way.” 

Lance and Pidge smiled. “OH NO! DON’T YOU TWO DARE!” 

And they took off to where the third stairway was supposed to be. They ran so quickly the mice could barely hang on their clothes; even the drones could barely keep up with them.

Maybe if they stopped to listen, they would have spotted the hissing black shadow in the room they were just in.

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Again, I am so sorry this took so long! But last-minute school stuff got in the way. Ehehe...In case you noticed, this chapter is a whole longer than the first one and nothings happened yet. But I plan to make this good as I can!

Tell me what you thought of it so far, any mistakes I may have made, or simply reblog. Doesn’t really matter what you do as you like it!

Now I’m gonna crash for the night...

this turned into a lot of talking i’m drunk sorry

since i love talking about myself and i’m working on finishing all the random cider/alcoholic drinks in my fridge i appeciate @chitown-sounder for tagging me in this

1) How tall are you? I’m 5′7″ and I don’t have anything else to say about that. 

2) What Color And Style Is Your Hair? My hair is medium brown which is v boring I want to dye it like daaaaaaark brown in an attempt to match my fingernails and my wardrobe which are both slowly entering the shadow realm until I can finally take my rightful place as an all powerful witch of darkness where I belong. Lately I’ve been working on growing my hair back out, right now it’s just below the middle of my back bc a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to go back to the bob I had in senior year of high school. Generally speaking my hair is an awful mess.

3) What Color Are Your Eyes? Depending on the day/weather/my mood/the color of my shirt it varies between blues and greens and greys. I wish I was constantly crying so they could be green always. 

4) Do You Wear Glasses? Yeah and tbh people always ask me why I don’t wear contacts and like why the fuck would I? When I got glasses in the 10th grade (After 3 years of staring at a computer screen bc I got obsessed with writing and never wanted to leave the house I developed near-sightedness like a fuckin dope) I was hype af they somehow made my face look less round imo like honestly my glasses make me look older and less pudgy and I fuck with that shit. I, like my dawg Cody, also am getting new glasses in like a week or so (They’ll be in on the 11th and I’m reeeeady) and I got 2 pairs, one of which is the same rectangle shape I’ve always had and the other one is more fahionable and maybe I’ll like them??? I better bc they were expensive but they were literally buy one get one free so....... Idk they’re more round shaped I can’t wait to put new accessories on my face

5) Do You Have Braces? I never did and it’s funny I always had a fucked up dental situation ok my front 4 teeth on the top were shaped like |_|_/\_||_| it wasn’t a gap or anything my teeth were just angled like that??? Apparently there was a bone in my gum where it shouldn’t have been and it was keeping my teeth from growing right and so when I was like 8 they did a removal of all 4 teeth like - ya girl was in the third grade missing my 4 front teeth??????????? Embarrassing anyway they took out the teeth and when I went back a few months later to get the bone out there was literally no bone there? There was no explanation for it it just wasn’t there and my teeth grew back in perfect. My teeth aren’t perfect by any means like I have a severe overbite and my lower row has a small gap in the front and also I had a fuckin tooth that grew in the middle of the roof of my fucking mouth????????????????????????? Teeth are so weird anyway that tooth got taken out and I’m just here living with a semi-ok mouf now

6) What Is Your Fashion Sense? Whatever I feel like wearing when I get out of bed 15 mins before I’m supposed to be at work lmao whatever takes the least effort and still looks put together enough. There’s a lot of black and particularly black leggings bc they almost pass for dress pants which works for my job. Also a lot of camisoles paired with shawl/overshirt things idk what they’re called. And jean shorts whenever I’m not at work.

7) Do You Have Any Siblings? I have 4 step sibs and 3 sisters - my sister Candace is 28 and got married last year, we always argue about politics (we are on the same side but she is a realist and I’m a romantic) but we love each other even though she makes me cry from emotions and frustration. My step brother John is 27 and he’s always been a fuckin dickhead even when we were kids and they were just my neighbors and not my step sibs - yes my father is dating a woman who used to live across the street from us in the neighborhood I grew up in - He is v strong and has strong opinions, has a lot of tattoos and is a misogynist. My sister Jackie is 26 and is a human fucking landfill who I haven’t spoken directly to in 4 months bc she got mad at me when I showed concern about her boyfriend being abusive, then he did beat her ass and when I tried to talk to her about it she fuckin blocked me on Facebook. Oh yeah and she’s pregnant with his kid and won’t stop smoking cigars. Fucking landfill. My step sis Amanda is 23, always a good time even if she’s a super thot, she has 2 babies who I love more than anything and she lets men make a fool out of her more often than not. I love her. My step brother Chris is my fave step sib mainly bc he went from being an actual juvenile delinquent, arrested and then on parole at age 15 even, to being the first of his family to graduate high school on the same day as me, with a steady job and a wife and a baby and paying his own bills I’M SO PROUD OF HIM. My step sister Tory is 19 and she doesn’t have a real name she’s just Tory, is a bigger fuckin thot than Amanda literally this bitch is in the DM’s of every dude I know and I’m not shaming her like boo do whatever u wanna do but be better at it? Be a boss ass bitch and don’t let ppl make fun of u for being a human disaster?  My younger half-sister Dalaney (Literally, named after Dale Earnhardt thanks to my trash father lmao) is 11 and she lives with her mother in Minnesota. She comes to see us every summer and she is so fucking funny, she is a tomboy and she is a sassmaster just like the rest of us I love her sfm. 

8) What Kind Of Student Are You? I was an honors sudent, took AP classes and barely skirted by (But passed the final exams while my geek fuckin classmates sobbed bc they failed lmao) I graduated with a 4.89 so like, I was litty. I never studied bc why would i read the same thing twice? I also missed a day a week from 6th grade to graduation, bc I was “sick” but really I didn’t feel like going. My mom thought I was lactose intolerant bc I faked sick so much. One time Amanda and I let my mom drive us to school only to walk home (3 miles) and get stopped by a police officer 20 feet from my front door, he wanted to know why we weren’t at school and we lied and said we missed the bus but our moms were fine with us not going to school that day. That fuckin cop offered us a ride to school so we had no choice but to go to school after all that!!!! Then in senior year when my mom left me to live with Jackie I was literally missing 2-3 weeks at a time until the AP was like “If u miss 40 days of school this semester you will be considered a drop out” and I was like “Fuck” so I finished and graduated and never went to college because fuck the education system tbq fuckin h. 

9) What Are Your Favorite Subjects? Math, History, English, Human Geography. I loved learning, that was why I never wanted to be at school, everything was fucking boring but when I had the right teachers, in these subjects in particular, I actually wanted to be there. 

10) What Are Your Favorite TV Shows? I never watched TV until like the last year, I finally got a Netflix subscription and caught up on shit people have been raving about for years but I was completely late on - Shameless, Orange Is The New Black, American Horror Story, Bates Motel, How To Get Away With Murder, in particular. Otherwise I just watch sports. Literally the only reason I pay for cable is so I can watch sports. 

11) Favorite Books? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH Scott WESTERFELD ANRD NEAL SHUSTERMAN. LIKE OK I’LL BE A HARRY POTTER STAN ALL MY LIFE. BUT. SCOTT WESTERFELD WROTE AN INGENIOUS SERIES ABOUT SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY (uglies/pretties/specials/extras) AND ALSO HIS VAMPIRE SERIES WHERE VAMPIRISM WAS TRANSMitted through sex and cats (peeps, the last days) WERE THE ONLY VAMPIRE BOOKS I EVER READ LMAOOOO. then, fucking neal. fucking neal shusterman changed my entire life for the better with a series about a future where the pro-life/prochoice battle turned into parents literally having the option of just, not dealing with their unruly teens anymore by having their body parts fucking dispersed to ppl who needed like new hearts, arms, etc (unwind/unwholly/unsouled/undivided) FUCKING ICONIC and also THE SERIES NEAL WROTE ABOUT KIDS WHO DIED AND WERE STUCK IN LIMBO BC THIS EVIL BITCH WOULDN’T LET THEM GO TO HEAVEN (everlost/everwild/everfound) GOD I LOVE BOOKS SO FUCKING MUCH OK. ALSO FOR MY NON-RELIGIOUS ASS EAST OF EDEN BY JOHN STEINBECK IS FUCKIN EVERYTHING. LIFE OF PI ALSO FUCK AND TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD BOOKS ARE GREAT.

12) Favorite Pastimes? If I’m not Netflix binging or watching sports or going to the movies with my friends or drinking with the one friend I have who I can drink with, I’m writing. I have literally 25 characters now I’m fucking trash but I love them all so much ok leave me alone. 

13) Any Regrets? Nah I think I’m the smartest most reasonable person on the planet so I think everything I do is right and not questionable at all lmao. 

14) What Is Your Dream Job? Huh. Hard to say. I’m doing something I love now, and my boss has been in the business for 20 years and his business pulls in 5 mil a year so like.......... I could stand to keep doing this for a long time. Honestly I’ve never had a direction in life so now that I found an occupation that I love I think this might be my dream job. 

15) Do You Want To Get Married? No lmao marriage is a patriarchal social construct and what’s the point? To legally be able to call someone mine? I don’t like people enough to want to spend my entire life with one. 

16) Do You Want To Have Kids? I never in my life want to give birth to a child. That shit is not for me. I have 5 nieces and nephews, a pregnant sister, and another sister who plans on having at least 2 someday. I don’t need no babies. I’ll be the cool vodka aunt who encourages my trash siblings’ kids to follow their hearts and encourages them to be gay if they’re feeling gay. I have always liked the idea of waiting until I’m like 40-45 and rich, and adopting a 10-12 y/o kid bc those kids never get adopted and I’ll just be the best parent to them. 

17) How Many Countries Have You Visited? I’ve never left the United States lmao. Fuck me right???????????????/

I have finished 3 bottles of beer/beer-like substance while writing this and the Rangers just fuckin lost go figure. I want @gingeronastick and @chrisarchers to do this and also whoever else feels like it ok ily babes

Fangs and other Fairy tales - Chapter 53

Camila’s POV

‘We’re at war!?’ I exclaimed. Dedrick and I were currently standing in a large hall that was surrounded by other small settlements while the girls were getting settled.

Calling this place a camp really didn’t do it any kind of justice, it may have started out that way thousands of years ago but today it’s a towering fortification that could withstand any form of assault like the great walls of Camelot. Or so i had thought. Apparently something or someone thought they could take us on, and Dedrick actually considered them a threat. 

'Yes we are at war. It’s not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last’ Dedrick explained atop his throne. It was a little much but he was born in a time when kings, queens and nobles were the only people that really mattered so i see where he got his inspiration. 

'But with who?’ i asked. The only people we’ve ever been at war with are the Vampires, and even they aren’t dumb enough to come this far into our territory, so that leaves me to ask what other form of intrepid supernatural creature has a grudge against us. 

'They’re a renegade pack made up entirely of supernatural creatures, and not just of one kind. There could be hundreds for all we know’ he continued and i looked at him with complete and utter disbelief.  

'A pack of supernatural creatures!? That’s who you’re so afraid of? You have an entire army of Werewolves at your disposal and you’re still worried? You have got to be kidding me’ i argued. 

'Look at my face, do i look like i’m kidding?’ he growled and i flinched. 

'Okay you’re not kidding. So what exactly makes them so special?’

'They’re all pure breeds, and i’m not talking about the half human, half creature variety. I mean pure blooded beasts, born in the darkest corners of the world’

'You’re talking about The Precursors’ Another voice carried into the room and i turned to see Ally walking towards us. 'But they were all hunted down and slaughtered hundreds of years ago, we made sure of that' 

'Yes, or at least we thought we did. It seems a few managed to survive’ Dedrick sighed. 

’Woah wait what are The Precursors?’ i asked looking between the two.

'The Precursors are a horde of truly evil monsters, the original form of every supernatural creature on this planet. It is said they didn’t have enough humanity within them to achieve evolution and remained stuck as these twisted, corrupted souls. No more than beasts, yet they have a human conscience. They have no other desire than to destroy everything they touch and take their hate out on a world that left them behind’ she explained. 

'So we killed the original Werewolf?' 

'Yes Karla that is correct. The original was no friend to our kind or any other supernatural beings for that matter, it killed without remorse, humans, Werewolves, anything it could get its hands on. So we had to put a stop to it’ Dedrick replied. 

'What have you done to try and stop these things?’ Ally asked. 

'They’re not easy to track down, it’s like they’re constantly moving and leaving their scent all over the forest; and their tracks just lead us off of mountain sides or into rivers, it’s hopeless. I’ve already lost too many wolves trying to locate where they’re hiding' 

'What makes you think there are hundreds? Have you actually seen them?’ she questioned and he shook his head. 

'When or rather if a scouting party returns they all describe seeing something different, some have mentioned seeing a tail, horns, wings, glowing eyes, talons, the list goes just goes on and on. I refuse to believe all of those features are from the same creature, it just isn’t possible’ he replied. 

'Seems you have a big problem on your hands' 

'And that’s not even the worst part. Follow me’ he instructed and led the two of us down some steps into a lower hall. My heart felt like it stopped beating when he pulled back a large curtain to reveal hundreds of bodies all laid down on small hospital mattresses with people in long white coats walking here and there; scribbling down notes on their clipboards and checking the temperature of what i presumed to be their patients. 

'What’s wrong with all of them?’ i asked walking into the room, and almost bumping into a nearby bed. I looked down to where my foot had grazed and saw a female Werewolf, laying in what looked to be unbelievable pain, i could feel her warmth from where i was standing and beads of sweat rolled down her forehead. 

'They were all poisoned as far as we can tell. From what the doctors have discovered they’re all paralyzed from head to toe, whatever got into their body is attacking their nervous system and if we don’t figure out how to help them in time they could die’ he informed us. 

'One of the monsters did this?’ Ally perplexed and Dedrick hummed. 

'I can only assume so. Werewolves don’t get sick and our bodies protect us from things like poison, we regenerate and metabolize it too quickly for it to do any real damage. But i’ve never seen any thing like this' 

I started walking down the narrow walkway looking over each of the victims carefully but they all looked the same, each one lay deadly still; and only their facial expression along with the amount of heat radiating off of them gave away any sign that they were in pain. It reminds me of how i feel every time i’m trapped in one of my nightmares, i try to force my body to wake up but i can’t move, instead i just have to lay there and wait for it to be over until it finally releases me. Unfortunately for them this isn’t just something they can wake up from, they need medicine, a healer, a…

S-Sofi?

Sofi…

'SOFI!!!’ I cried. As soon as the word fell from my lips four cold bodies raced to my side and looked me over worriedly.  

'What’s wrong Camz?’ Lauren asked and tried to catch my gaze but when i wouldn’t look away from a single spot in front of me she looked up at at the figure laying in the bed. A look of realization fell similarly across her face as it did mine and she grasped my hand tightly.  

'Sofi? Why is that name familiar?’ Dinah asked. 

'Dedrick, why didn’t you tell me Sofi was here or that she was alive!?’ i bit out through gritted teeth. 

She’s been here this whole time and he didn’t think to say anything sooner? My sister, my beautiful little sister, she’s here, she’s alive. Though she’s not nearly as little as she used to be, that’s why i had to look a little harder at the teenage girl lying in the bed. It seems she decided to become immortal after all. But what’s she doing here? And why is she fighting Dedrick’s battles for him? That asshole has a lot to answer for. 

'WELL!?’ I roared and ripped my hand out of Lauren’s to grab him by the cuff of his shirt. 'WHY IS SHE HERE!? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!' 

'Mila stop!’ Normani yelled. 

'A lot has been going on Karla, it slipped my mind. I don’t have time to keep track of everyone and their sister’ he argued. 

'YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME, YOU KNOW THAT AND IT SLIPPED YOUR MIND!!!’ I continued to bark at him and pushed him backwards; before i had the chance to grab him again Ally stepped in between us. 

'Mila, he told us what happened to her. But if you want to know why she’s here try asking nicely’ she suggested and with great reluctance i blinked away the yellow from my eyes. 

'How long has she been here Ainsworth?’ i snapped and he looked down at the ground. 

'She’s been here for about twenty years now. She arrived not long after your mother passed away. She had been searching for you, for years she kept on trying but came up empty handed; so she came here and asked me for help. We searched far and wide, but there was no finding you and eventually she gave up hope that she would ever see you again’ he replied. 

'Was she immortal when she got here?' 

'Yes, she was. I’m guessing she wanted to buy herself more time. No one wants to be an old woman when they reunite with their long lost sibling' 

So i was right, mum did pass away, a while ago in fact. And Sofi, did she stick around all this time just for me? She must have been all by herself for years before she realized those Vampires made sure that no one would find me for a very long time. Of course it would only take one Vampire family to stumble across me accidentally before i would be freed.

Well i’m here now kiddo, you found me, you did it. And i’m going to make you better again, i’m going to make them all better. Then i’m going to become an alpha so i can protect my family and my friends on the blood moon and hopefully run off into the sunset with Lauren… that doesn’t sound too difficult right? Yeah who am i kidding, any threat that has an eerie name like The Precursors aren’t just going to roll over and give up. And i wouldn’t even know where to start looking for a cure. 

'Is there nothing we can do for them Dedrick? I mean, isn’t there someone who can help?’ i asked and he smiled. 

'Actually there is, his name is Tyrus Norgrove. He’s one of the most powerful witch doctors in the world and specializes in cases such as these' 

'In poison?’ Lauren queried. 

'In the un-explainable’ he clarified. 

'And where is this Titty Nickleback guy?’ Dinah asked and Normani almost choked laughing. 

'Tyrus Norgrove is currently imprisoned in a high level security facility located within the heart of  jungle cat territory. 

'Why, what did he do?’

'They accused him of letting one of the panther leaders die from some kind of illness and locked him away. Someone is going to need to get in there and ask him how to make the cure’ he told us and i furrowed my brow. 

'Why can’t we all go?’ i asked. 

'Because two of you must retrieve the ingredients we need to make the cure. But i warn you, it will not be an easy trip, if it was i would have gone myself’

Great so not only do we need to break a suspected murderer out of jail but we also need to find some herbs or something in a vast woodland area. Talk about trying to find a needle in a hay stack. 

'You know what we need to make the cure? How?’ Ally asked. 

'They are suffering from a  special kind of paralytic. The doctors have tried the usual stuff, but nothing seems to be working, it’s not strong enough to battle the infection. So they came up with a resolution, a stronger sample made with two very specific ingredients that are almost impossible to get your hands on’ Of course they are *eye roll*.

'Then why do we need this Tortoise guy if they already know how to make the cure?’ Normani chimed in. 

'What is it with kids today? They know what they need but they don’t know how to use them. These two herbs must be specially prepared otherwise their healing properties won’t work and Tyrus is the only one with enough experience to know how to do that. Got it?’ he huffed frustratedly and Normani nodded her head before taking a few steps away from him.   

'Fine, Normani and Dinah, you two go find out how to make the cure from Trippy Nightingale while Lauren, Ally and I go find the ingredients we need. Sound good?’ i perplexed. 

'Sounds good to us’ Norminah replied in sync.  

'Actually’ Ally piped up. 'If it’s all the same to you i think i should stay here and keep an eye on Sofi, i can let you know if she’s getting any worse and how much time you have left’ she suggested and i agreed implicitly. 

'Good thinking Ally, are you sure though? Maybe i should stay instead’ i pondered. 

'No, trust me. You need to be the one to go. No one is going to fight harder for your sister than you. Right?’ Of course she’s right. 

'Okay. Well then it looks like we have our game plan. We leave at dawn’

  A/N: Gee wizz Batman, Sofi’s alive!!!! Anybody call that one? :p 

Just so you know i’ll be telling Camren, Norminahs and Ally’s story inter-changeably over the next couple of chapters. A lots gonna be going down so try and keep up. 

- Alex XD  

Pandemic Notes #5 (notes on a note-free meme)

If you’ve been anywhere near social media, mostly Facebook I presume, you’ll have seen this one: Day X of "20 Albums In 20 Days". Covers only, no explanations. Albums that impacted your life in some way. Nominate someone else to do the same thing each day.

That kind of list-making is absolute catnip to me. There’s one little problem: “no explanations.” If there’s anything I love more than music it is talking about why I like music. So, while I did the thing over on FB, I’m going to cheat now and provide the stories that go with my selections. Why? I don’t even know what day it is anymore, so cut me some slack on this one.

1. Oil and Gold - Shriekback

“Nemesis” was absolutely all over the clubs back in the day, which is appropriate because it’s a great song. When I finally bought the records, though, I was shocked. It was maybe the sixth or seventh best song on the album. Literally everything on Oil and Gold is great. These albums were in no particular order, but this was as easy a pick as I’d get to make.

2. Viva Terlingua! - Jerry Jeff Walker

I was raised on showtunes (mom) and 70s country music (dad). This was a particularly bloodless era in the history of C&W. The “Nashville sound” just didn’t work for me. This, however, is not Nashville. This was my introduction to “outlaw” country, which was much more my speed. It was my first exposure to country where the band seemed as important as the singer, and the Lost Gonzos were one hell of a band.

Jerry Jeff was my first concert, too, at Billy Bob’s in Fort Worth. I won tickets to a New Year’s Eve all-you-can-drink show. Not a bad first show, huh?

3. Suffer - Bad Religion

Matt, one of my co-workers at the record store, recommended this to me. Or, rather, he recommended Christian Death’s record and I mis-remembered it. Some accidents work out. This changed how I looked at punk with the intelligence, the quality of the vocals, and the energy of the performance. I was reliably told that real punk doesn’t have harmonies, but I can live with that.

4. Hearts of Oak - Ted Leo + Pharmacists

Newly divorced and in a strange city, I was re-discovering discovering music in the early 2000s. Canadian music video channels and especially Spin magazine were two of my more reliable sources. I loved Ted Leo before I heard a single note of his music, so it was a tremendous relief when I finally got hold of this album and found that the music lived up to the hype. Leo was obviously influenced heavily by the stuff from the 80s that I wasn’t cool enough to like then.

5. Loveless - My Bloody Valentine

Sigh. I was given the promo copy of Loveless (on cassette, no less!) at the record store. I listened to it once, decided it wasn’t really my thing, and gave it to Curtis. A decade or so later, I heard “Soon” in some random place and realized I’d made a huge mistake.

6. Fear of a Black Planet - Public Enemy

Stefan, a guy I waited tables with, knew I was heavily into Nine Inch Nails and thought I’d dig this. So I went over to his house and he put on “Welcome to the Terrordome” and damned if he wasn’t right. This did for hip-hop was Suffer did for punk, at least for me. I had to re-evaluate everything I thought about the genre because Fear of a Black Planet is undeniable. And Bob, if you’re reading this, I still remember your take on the title track.

7. Flood - They Might Be Giants

In 1990, there were two albums that were reliably in the record collection of every girl I knew: This one and Yaz’s Upstairs at Eric’s. I was already a TMBG fan, but the fact that they covered a song my mom used to sing to me (“Istanbul”) kind of freaked me out. At the show on this tour, instead of shirts, they sold fezzes, which has to be the most TMBG thing ever.

8. Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails

This album was my life for longer than I care to admit. Every track still works for me. In August of 1989, when “Down In It” hit the clubs, none of us had heard anything like it (well, Skinny Puppy fans had…*cough* ). I don’t think I wore anything but black for a couple of years. I got the CD at the most alternative store in Dallas (that would be the Hastings at Valley View and yes that’s a joke) in November and haven’t stopped playing it since.

9. LP - Ambulance, LTD.

One of two bands on this list that were murdered by label issues. I found Ambulance by accident. I went to a SxSW showcase at the Red-Eyed Fly to see Stellastarr* (who were terrific) and got there in time to see an opening act that played absolutely perfect guitar pop, stuff Matthew Sweet might have come up with if hadn’t listened to so much Television. Anyway, the flyer for the show had the band order wrong I thought I was looking for The Unicorns, and it took me a couple weeks to find out who I’d really seen. This is a strong contender for best album of the millennium.

10. Young Team - Mogwai

I choked on this selection. I love the album, and Mogwai Fear Satan is one of my favorite songs to play loudly (if not well) on guitar. But…if I were to pick a Mogwai record, it should probably be Rock Action, which was my first and I still use the intro from “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong” as my alarm song.

11. Electric Version - The New Pornographers

Another Spin discovery. The reviews were glowing but didn’t really give me any sense what they sounded like. Eventually, this album was added to the jukebox at Casino el Camino and I got to give it a listen. It was love at first note. All of their albums are hook-stuffed, harmony-rich power pop perfection, but this one is my pick of that very fine litter. The first four songs would make the best EP in rock history.

12. This is the Day…This is the Hours…This is This! - Pop Will Eat Itself

1989 was weird. “Can U Dig It?" got a smidgen of airplay on the corporate-indy station in Dallas for some reason. It was the first time I’d heard music that was largely sample-based that actually rocked. The whole album is a mad cut-and-paste collage with Clint Mansell and Graham Crabb rapping over the top (very over the top, in fact). They’re one of five bands on this list I’ve never seen, but it’s not for lack of effort. They cancelled their last show due to visa problem, and when the opened for NIN on The Downward Spiral (and their own, equally excellent Dos Dedos, Mis Amigos), well…that a memorable night.

13. We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed - Los Campesinos!

I love Los Campesinos! unapologetically, and that is the only way to love them. Their heart is on their sleeve and their sleeve is in your face. The title track, a minor masterpiece of tweeXcore, has one of my favorite lines:

”Oh we kid ourselves there’s future in the fucking, but there is no fucking future.”

They’re a band I can listen to any time I need to feel exactly that way. They also figure several times in Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie’s Phonogram, and they capture how I feel about Los Campesinos! perfectly:

14. Over-Nite Sensaton - Frank Zappa and the Mothers

“Montana” was my introduction to Zappa. In Jon Lamendola’s car outside Collin Creek mall, he put this tape in and..it was so dumb, and so funny, and yet also so good. It was like listening to a Loony Tunes soundtrack with the smarted, weirdest guy you know making up a narration. It’s probably not my favorite Zappa record, but it’s certainly the one that means the most to me.

15. Dusk - The The

I bought this at the Sound Warehouse on Park and Preston one night after work because I kind of liked the single, “Dogs of Lust”. At the time, I was a little disappointed because the rest of the record is far less aggressive, but it stuck with me through all these years. The bookends, “Love Is Stronger Than Death” and “Lonely Planet” are absolute masterpieces but it’s strong start to finish. I tend to come to things late, and this album got me through the early 2000s in style.

16. Like This - The dB’s

Oh, college radio. KCOU in Columbia, Missouri was my first college radio station and they were playing all the college-appropriate bands of the era (Smiths, REM, U2, and a lot of Zappa), but there’s no question as to the identity of the biggest band of my freshman year: The dB’s absolutely dominated airplay that year. Five songs from Like This got huge play. This is the other band destroyed by their label, which went belly-up right after the release of Like This. The Holsapple-led dB’s should have been one of the giants of their day. Instead, it would be a decade before this record ever made it to CD.

17. Discipline - King Crimson

I was an Adrian Belew fan before I was a Crimson fan. “Big Electric Cat”, from his Lone Rhino album, was the first music video I remember seeing on a video-only show. Anyway, for as weird as their record is (and it ain’t normal), it’s incredibly accessible as well. My sister was on a date with her eventual husband and they stopped by his flat before going out. He told her to put a record on and this is the one she pulled from his collection. He was both shocked and impressed, but he shouldn’t have been; my sister has always been much cooler than me.

18. OK Computer - Radiohead

There seems to be a lot of Radiohead backlash now and I don’t get it, but there’s a lot that I don’t get. I’d heard “Creep” and thought it was pretty good, but I hadn’t really kept up. Driving down to south to go camping with Andi and her mom, we listened to this and The Bends over and over…in no small part because I kept asking her to put it back on. Like the Crimson record, it was weird (duh) but accessible (huh?) and hypnotic. Those two remain my favorite Radiohead albums, with OK Computer getting the nod because the last three songs are perfect.

18.5 Peter Gabriel (third album) - Peter Gabriel

Uh oh…I’ve got too many albums to list and not enough space to do it! So, I cheated and went with 18.5 because I was not going to leave this album out. It’s still my favorite Peter Gabriel record. This is the “melting face” album, and I had a button with the cover of the album on my jacket. At the arcade (because we all went to arcades back then), a kid came up to me, looked at that button, and said “Eww! I bet that’s a sick rock guy!” That’s Pete, all right: A sick rock guy.

19. Reckoning - R.E.M.

I’m an unabashed R.E.M. fanboy and love all of their records, but Reckoning is the one that is “mine” more than any. I saw them do “So. Central Rain” on Letterman and there may have been a great deal of alcohol ingested by the band prior to the performance, but it only served to make it hazier and more southern-Gothic. I’d put side 1 of Reckoning up against any other album side out there.

20. Three Sides Live - Genesis

No, it’s not the best Genesis record. It may not even be their best live record. But, I saw them for the first time on this tour and side three may have impacted my life more than any other piece of music. That’s the side that has “In The Cage” and “Afterglow” with an extended instrumental medley between them consisting almost entirely of Tony Banks keys and Phil Collins’ dueting with Chester Thompson on drums. The instrumental section still gives me chills. The primary reason I’ve owned (and even tried to play) the dozens and dozens of pianos and synths I’ve owned is down to that one section of music.

So, that’s the list from Facebook. It’s not perfect. In fact, it’s not even really the right top 20. If I were to do it again, I’d probably leave Mogwai off the list. I’d have to find some way to shoehorn in The Pixies’ Doolittle or Sisters of Mercy’s Floodland or Arcade Fire’s Funeral. Anyway, those the short versions of the stories behind the 20 album covers.